#landlords moped gang

[wastelandmoony]

Déjà Vécu: Personality Crisis

Chapter Thirty-Two : Personality Crisis

Summary: The gang joins the Order

Characters: Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader (no use of y/n), James Potter, Petter Pettigrew, Regulus Black, Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Lily Evans

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI

Déjà Vécu Masterlist

Companion Playlist

Read on AO3

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July 17th, 1978

Apartment hunting was an impossible task, add in an overly-zealous muggle enthusiast (self proclaimed), and a hungry werewolf two days away from the full moon, and she was about ready to toss herself in front of the next bus. Peter had declined their offer to join in their post-school living situation; he’d apparently already found a flat near the ministry after securing a job in the Department of Magical Transportation. Though for practical reasons she understood the decision, she still couldn’t help feeling like he was purposefully distancing himself. The thought didn’t sit right with her. 

After their third apartment tour of the day, Remus was beside himself. “If I buy you a sausage roll, will you stop moping?” She growled, the tall boy slumping along behind her. A low grunt that sounded a lot like a stubborn “yes” rumbled from him. Sirius bounded ahead, ecstatic to be out-and-about in the city, but even more so to be looking at apartments in the muggle world. He’d been enamored with each place they’d seen so far, though she’d been less than thrilled with all of them. Two locations had been so expensive that her and Remus almost keeled over when they heard the price. Sirius, having no real concept of money, thought the price sounded phenomenal for a 2 bedroom apartment (2 being generous, as the 2nd “bedroom” was no bigger than a broom closet) with no heat and a horribly strange shower/kitchen hybrid. As they wandered up towards the last flat of the day, she prayed that it would be good enough, otherwise she’d end up killing one of her friends if they had to do any more of these visits together. 

The final flat was above a pharmacy in Hackney, the redbrick walkup being well within their price range, and it had enough room for the three of them to live comfortably without being on top of each other. The owners of the drugstore downstairs, an elderly couple in their early 70s, doubled as the landlords, giving her an overwhelming sense of home the moment they met. By the time they were done looking around, Sirius was jumping out of his skin.

“It’s perfect!”

“It’s noisy,” Remus deadpanned, glowering at a group of shouting kids across the street playing football. She knew he was just being irritable because of the upcoming moon, so she tried to muster all of her dwindling patience left, and refrain from smacking her best friend in the back of the head.

“It’s the best we’ve seen, and I don’t think we’ll find much better on our budget,” she looked at Remus, eyebrows raised in challenge. He held her stare, the two of them in a silent standoff in the alleyway between buildings as Sirius began to wander towards the main street. Upon watching him disappear around the corner, Remus broke first.

“Fine, let’s do it then,” he said, striding off to wrangle their friend away from a local record store at the end of the block. She hadn’t missed the small spark in his eyes before he turned away, the one that gave away his moody demeanor as just a temporary shell. Smiling triumphantly, she dipped into the pharmacy to secure their new home.

———

August 1st, 1978

The Longbottom’s living room was small, but immaculately decorated. In all honesty, it wasn’t even that tiny, it just seemed like it due to the eleven people crammed inside. Remus and Sirius flanked her; James, Lily, and Peter filling out the line on either side as they stood before a stoic looking Dumbledore. Off to the side of the room, Effie and Monty beamed proudly, the former’s eyes holding a sense of apprehension that was never vocalized. She had clocked it the moment she saw James’ parents, recognizing it as the same anxiety she wrestled with daily.

The oath was read, the six of them repeating it back strongly, (Peter faltered once, leading to her having to pinch Sirius’ hand so he didn’t laugh out loud at their friend). As they recited the final line, Sirius laced their fingers, a silent promise to stick together no matter what. She reached out with her other hand and did the same to Remus. 

“Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix,” Dumbledore’s eyes sparkled, a small smile showing through his beard. Lily let out an audibly exhale, James hugging her closely and grinning ear to ear. 

“When’s our first assignment?” Sirius stepped forward, back straight as he let go of her hand. 

Dumbledore’s expression didn’t change, “You’ll be notified.”

“So we’re just supposed to what…sit around and wait to possibly be called up?” Sirius’ voice began to heat. 

She stepped to his side, untangling her fingers from Remus’, “Sirius, it’s alright. No one’s in any big hurry—“

“I am. I want to get out there, I want to fight,” his blue eyes were smoldering as they shot to her, the look freezing her to the spot. 

“Can we talk about this at home, please,” she whispered, gripping his arm tightly. 

Dumbledore inclined his head at them in dismissal, “I appreciate your eagerness Mr. Black—“

“Potter.” Sirius said sternly. She furrowed her brows as he stared ahead, Dumbledore never faltering in his expression. “I want to go by Potter now, not Black.”

She looked over a shoulder at Effie and Monty, both of whom did not seem to hear the conversation occurring on the other side of the room, too busy wrapped in a discussion with Lily about something. Their son on the other hand, had heard all of it, coming over to clap a supportive hand on Sirius’ shoulder. Though the Potter’s had never legally adopted him, they treated Sirius just like a second son, and he was a Potter in everything but name. 

“—alright, Mr. Potter,” Dumbledore’s eyes sparkled as he said it, “we will send a message when you are needed.” Sirius huffed, turning to stalk out to the front garden. Remus gave her a wary look as she followed him outside. 

Smoke curled around Sirius’ head when she found him on the walkway, taking the first drags of a cigarette. Wrapping both arms around his waist, she pressed her body against his back, laying her head between his shoulder blades. 

“Let’s go home,” she mumbled, feeling a hand wrap around her own. He didn’t speak, just lifted their conjoined hands to place a kiss against her palm. They stood in the garden in comfortable silence, the only sounds being the crickets and Sirius’ occasional exhales. 

“Why are you so desperate to get out there?” She whispered. He flicked the cigarette out into the street, the embers flying over the pavement in little orange fireworks. 

“I just…I need to do something. I can’t just sit here and wait while they’re out there killing people.”

His skin was warm through the soft cotton t-shirt as she pressed her cheek closer into his back. She knew why he was fighting so hard to get chosen for a mission, the truth had been there for as long as she’d known him. It was the same reason he had always acted out in school, the same reason he hung out with primarily muggleborns and outcasts, the same reason he wanted to go by Potter now: the one thing he craved most was to distance himself from his family. He needed to show to the world that he was not the heir to the Black Family legacy, and he was willing to do whatever was necessary to achieve it. 

“You don’t need to prove anything, y’know.”

Sirius exhaled a long sigh, turning to finally face her. “You don’t understand what it’s like…”

Swallowing the urge to yell that she was tired of people assuming she didn’t understand anything, she squeezed his biceps in a silent urge to continue opening up.

“…to have your family name precede you, and not for the right reasons. They’re monsters,” he gave her a lopsided smile, “and not the kind you’re into.” Her mouth dropped open in amusement, letting out a breathy laugh at his audacity. 

“Speaking of…” Sirius grinned over her shoulder, and she turned to see Remus joining them on the walkway. 

“Speaking of what?” He eyed them apprehensively, lighting a cigarette in the process. Sirius shrugged.

“Just talking about the creatures she seems to be hopelessly enamored with—ow!” She pinched him in the ribs. 

Remus smirked through a drag, holding out a hand to her, “Ready to go home?” 

She looked down the quiet street, the golden glow of the streetlights peppering the pavement, tiny fireflies humming above the bushes of neighboring houses. 

“Can we walk a little bit instead of apparating? It’s such a nice night…”

“Of course love,” Remus threw an arm over her shoulders, steering her in the direction of home. As soon as they left the Longbottom’s property, Sirius transformed into Padfoot, a move she knew wasn’t just for amusement. He was through dealing with his feelings for bit, a notion she didn’t blame him for. He trotted beside her, nuzzling his furry head into the back of her hand until she reached out and scratched him behind the ears. She continued to idly run fingers through his fur, a gesture to let him know that she was there, that it didn’t matter if he was a Black, or a Potter, or just Sirius; he was hers. 

———

September 29th, 1978

She was screaming. Lily was too as they clung to each other. Through the screeching came tears from both girls, leaving the four boys standing feet from them highly confused and uncomfortable.

“Should we…do something?” Sirius muttered to Remus nervously. 

“Nah, they’re just really excited. My sister acts like this any time Paul McCartney does something as simple as breathing,” Peter whispered. Beside them, James beamed, happy to know he hadn’t just broken one of his best friends, and his new fiancee. Lily flashed her the ring again, tears still rimming her green eyes. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe it,” she grabbed her friends hand and examined the diamond, “Jamie who knew you had such good taste!” 

James gave her a rude gesture from across the room, making her smile wider. 

“Have you told Mary or Marls yet?” 

Lily shook her head, “No, I wanted to tell you first because I also have something to ask you…”

A weird sensation coursed through her heart, simultaneously breaking and swelling at the same time, knowing what was coming next.

“Will you be my maid of honor? You’re my closest friend, and also one of James’ and it would mean so much to—“

She cut her off with a bone crushing hug. Lily had lost a sister years ago, to no fault of her own,  having ceased all contact with Petunia during their time at Hogwarts. Being an only child, she’d always longed for a sister, finally finding that bond with Lily.

“Of course I will!” She finally let go, the red head giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“Let’s go call Mary, she’s going to freak!” Lily squeaked, pulling her toward the kitchen to use the muggle phone she had installed for emergencies. 

“Oi!” James whined, throwing up his hands, “What about me? I’m getting married too, y’know.”

She pointed an accusatory finger, “I’m still mad at you for keeping this from me, Potter!” 

“In his defense, none of us knew,” Sirius shrugged.

“I knew,” Pete said matter-of-factly. Both her and Sirius’ jaws dropped, the sight of which was almost comical, the two of them launching into distraught shouts.

“You told Peter?!” 

“Wormtail knew and I didn’t?!”

James threw up his hands again in defense, “We all know he’s better at keeping secrets than you lot!”

Sirius shook his head in faux-offense, “That’s low, mate. I’m not sure if we can be friends after that.”

James slung an arm over his shoulders, “Can you at least suck it up as my brother then and be my best man?” Sirius beamed, the two boys immediately launching into a wresting match that eventually led to Remus getting involved while Peter sighed on the sidelines. 

She looked over at Lily, who was also staring at the boys like they were utterly insane.

“Animals…” she exhaled, joining her friend in the kitchen to begin spreading the good news.

———

December 1st, 1978

Sirius got his wish the first week of December, being sent on an introductory mission to trail after a suspected Death Eater in the hopes of discovering new members and possibly new sympathizer safe houses. Remus was slated to partner him, the two of them setting out midday Friday to Diagon Alley. They’d all known for over a week about the mission, but no amount of time could’ve prepared her for the acidic nausea that hit the moment Sirius opened the front door to leave. She hadn’t slept in days, running every possibility over and over again in her mind while staring at the ceiling of their bedroom. What if one of them was captured? What if they didn’t make it back? Too many things could go wrong, and Sirius didn’t seem to think anything of it.

“I’ll be back later tonight, relax love,” he pressed a kiss to the crease between her eyebrows, clocking her anxiety immediately. She could feel the electric excitement radiating from him; he was savoring this way too much for her liking. Remus, as usual, was stoic and unreadable, something she usually was able to see right through; this time she couldn’t. 

Sirius stepped out the front door and onto the stair landing, “Be good, love you.” He gave her a wry smile and winked. Cheeky fucker.

Remus kissed her head quickly as he walked past to leave. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid,” he murmured before joining his friend outside. The promise oddly made her feel slightly better, but only because it was coming from Remus. 

After they both apparated, she tried to busy herself to keep the worrisome thoughts at bay. Cleaning the kitchen was borderline torture, the little clock above the stove kept mocking her plight. Reading took her mind off the silence of the house for a bit, until the telephone rang and sent her practically flying out of the chair. 

“Hiya,” she breathed into the receiver, praying that her nerves didn’t sound through. There was only a handful of people who could be calling their muggle phone, but she was thoroughly thankful that it was one specific voice on the other end. 

“Alright?” Lily chimed.

She exhaled loudly, no longer worried about keeping her cool. “I’m going out of my mind.”

Lily laughed, “I figured as much. You should’ve seen me during James’ first mission, I think I managed to pick up twelve new hobbies that day just to keep busy.”

Dragging a shaky hand over her face, she groaned. A little over a beat later, Lily’s calm voice filtered down the line.

“They’ll be okay, y’know. Remus is smart and levelheaded, and Sirius is…well he’s not completely inept.”

She choked out a laugh, “Thank you, Lils.” 

“Anytime, love. Now, how d’you feel about discussing linen colors?”

———

After talking about different shades of green and cream for over an hour, she said goodbye to Lily. The sun had set and she decided to forgo dinner, not having much of the stomach for it right now anyway, settling to go to bed early instead. Taking the slowest and most detailed shower, she finally sunk into bed, staring at the ceiling and willing the nefarious thoughts to quiet down. Sleep didn’t come, instead replaced by fitful tossing and turning until she finally gave up the fight and got out of bed. Wrapping the large quilt around her body, she padded across the hall to Remus’ room, dragging the makeshift cape behind her. Their bedrooms were night and day: where Remus’ was immaculate and tidy, hers and Sirius’ shared one was chaotic and littered with half-finished cups of tea and piles of clothes. She grinned at the neatly lined books and trinkets on his dresser, the only thing slightly askew being a polaroid Remus had taken of the three of them shortly after moving into the flat. She stared at the little square, the sweaty faces of three best friends that had just lugged furniture up a flight of stairs in the dead of summer; the ear-to-ear smiles on all of their faces; the joy in the eyes of her two favorite men, knowing they had finally found a home they belonged in. 

She crawled onto Remus’ bed, burrowing herself beneath the blanket taken from her own. Nestled amongst the scents of her two favorite people, she drifted off to sleep.

———

The following morning, she awoke to a warm wall at her back and a soft, rhythmic breath blowing against her forehead. Cracking open an eye, Sirius’ peacefully sleeping face came into view, their hands intertwined on the pillow between. She could only assume it was Remus behind her, his heavy arm draped over her middle. 

They were here. They were safe.

Snuggling back into the cocoon of warmth, she closed her eyes, desperate to spend a few more hours in peaceful comfort, even if just for a little while.

[gintamaextraordinaire]

Episode 4: Watch Out! Weekly Shonen JUMP Sometimes Comes Out on Saturdays!

And we reach Kagura’s debut! This was also a very interesting episode that established new characters (obviously Kagura, but also Otose and her relationship with Gintoki) and even some additional worldbuilding with the Yato warrior race, and the Terminal.

Despite Otose acting like a grumpy landlord, with insight (and if you really think about it), her kindness really shows through with essentially letting Gintoki freeload and Kagura eat out of her rice cooker.

And of course, the fateful moped crash. It is very sweet though that ithe prediction was correct and this weekend was indeed very lucky for him.

The time machine is still hilarious. Sugita’s trembling voice really sells it.

Kagura explains that the reason she came to earth was because her family was poor. Knowing the actual circumstances, it was probably an excuse. She left because her dad was never around, her mom died, and her big brother went berserk and joined the biggest gang in the universe. Or maybe it was a Sorachi retcon. Who knows. But Umibozu’s appearance is pretty early on, so the excuse could be true. However, the mental image of Umibozu, Kamui, and Kagura sitting together at a little round table eating furikake is very entertaining.

Excuse or not, she was definitely not living a good life, seeing how she was bribed so easily by a basic dish.

Gintoki abandoning them for JUMP is again, so Gintoki. We love an irresponsible adult that leaves little children to fend for their lives. He’s a bastard still, but he probably thought they could handle themselves.

Kagura’s monologue about the indifferent nature of the people of Edo was actually very sad. The underlying message of people being cold towards her could hint towards xenophobia, but it moreso reflects the current mindset of a lot of people; they work for themselves. Obviously, it’s a smart way to live, especially in this world. Those who care and who try and help others are just idiots, she says. “But I’d rather be an idiot.” It’s such a poignant Gintama moment, a philosophy in its own way. I think what makes Gintama not preachy is that the characters’ way of living is not because it’s the right way, but it’s because they chose it.

Even when the show seems to let off a “อาชีพสุจริตแล้วไม่มีเงินยังมีความสุขกว่า corruption with money” type of ideal, it’s not ultimately about right and wrong. It tastes bad to her because she does not want to hurt people. It’s because she knew she was being manipulated.

In my opinion, the comedy was significantly better this episode compared to the last. The trash can hijinks and that gag where Kagura suddenly spoke perfect Japanese just to insult Shinpachi was hilarious.

In the end, Gintoki saves them, proving that he really does care. Even if their lives aren’t worth 230 yen.

“Deep down you thirst for blood. That’s your true nature, Kagura.”

This part is where in my opinion, the emotional core of the episode rests. She can’t possibly be exploited because she was born to fight, and “she enjoyed it”. That has concerning implications that I won’t explore because I forget that I’m not analyzing Utena.

But she flips it on them; yes, she likes to fight. Yes, she was born with a fighting instinct. But she came here to change herself. From now on, she will choose her own battles, and fight against that instinct itself. This is especially poignant considering violence is what tore her family apart.

Overall, a great introductory episode to Kagura. The comedy feels like it’s starting to take its own form, and I love it.

Also this iconic Sorachi quote. I too want to be a cheese bun.

[velomoteur]

Dana and I at Grange Motor Circuit for the first American Moped Racing Association event. 1'25.xxx is our fastest time so far.

[signor-signor]

Pre-S3 Shorts Idea

May 18, 2020 - We’re 40 days away from the 4th anniversary of Wander Over Yonder’s second season finale, and have I got something special to share with you.

You know how there was a series of shorts (directed by @owner-of-wendys) involving Lord Hater’s broadcast of his attempt to destroy Wander taking place between S1 and S2? I just thought of something innovative, and anyone who’s ever worked on the show should also check it out.

Suppose Hater is still chasing Wander and Sylvia around the new galaxy in his Skullship, as depicted at the end of The End of the Galaxy (just before the cliffhanger that still hasn’t been resolved). Meanwhile on the ex-secret planet, Andy the Watchdog has quick interviews with various groups of refugees who provide their own reasons for wanting to get off the planet as soon as Wander and Sylvia return. Some others just give an update on their status. As we might have noticed after Dominator’s ship exploded, other Watchdogs became acquainted with the refugees, so it stands to reason that Andy did the same.

Without further ado, I give you... (drumroll)

The Eye on the Galaxy

The Rulers - Bingleborp, King of Flendar (with Flendarians) King of Sherblorg 7, Beeza (with Ballzerians), an appearance from the queen from The Axe, Cashmere (with Baahallans), Demurra and Dracor (with their guards). Just as Destructor’s about to start, time runs out.

The Elderly - Stella Starbella and Mittens, the lost and found guy, Trudi and her clones, the Slug Boss (with the two mummy thugs), Papa Doom (with his gargoyle companions), a call from Ms. Myrtle, who just saw Wander and Sylvia dashing by with the Skullship in pursuit and having deployed an Eye Drone for Andy to check on anyone and anything too big to sit on the ex-secret planet.

The Teammates - Badlands Dan and his gang, Oink and the Motorhogs, red and blue ants, the Insurgent Generals, maybe a call from the Robomechabotasquad asking what happened to Robomechabotatron.

The Youth - Melodie and the kids who appeared in The Legend, Olive (with her mother), the Slug Boss’s grandsons, rock babies carried by the Rock Lady, Huckleberry Knucklehead (backed by his parents), the smartphone son (with his camera parents), the trio of teens from The Black Cube, maybe Demurra and Dracor’s daughters and son.

The Gutsy - Ripov, Thrax and his cohorts (Andy would have added Thrax to The Business Folks, but that group was fully booked), Harvax and Stok, the Slug Boss’s nephew (with the two mummy thugs from earlier), Ryder being shown via Eye Drone and “trying to free a karate sensei from his chamber,” explaining his abscence in The End of the Galaxy. I’d mention the three bounty hunters from The Bounty, but I’m not too sure about their status.

The Reformed - Destructor (picking up from The Rulers), Major Threat, the Black Cube accompanied by his new girlfriend Tracy (plus Stacy and her new boyfriend, both of whom have already realized the Cube turned over a new leaf), a postcard from Westley (found by Barry), maybe the half-torn picture strip of Wander and Bot 13/Beep Boop (found by Jerry when he was sent to check on Dominator and Emperor Awesome in The Rival), Something the So-and-So, who gets cut short like Destructor did previously.

The Business Folks - Blarpee’s cashier, Okeydokian restaurant manager and his employee Michelle, apple-and-lemon-headed bartender, landlord and fast food manager/fry cook, garbage collector, Dr. Scrivellix (the dentist), Clancy and Nancy Shmancy, the plumber, curator of MOGA, Weasel, the two Okeydokian movie directors, hat shop owner, the locksmith.

The Mysterious - Neckbeard, Lords of Illumination, fortune teller, Mooplexians, Keister von Derrière and the other Gnees (with censored heads), the Eye Drone checking on the planet where the currently closed structure of the celestial star being stands, a special one-time visit from the Intergalactic Guru via hologram.

The Creatures - The bunny rabbit from The Good Deed, the pit monster from The Birthday Boy, the fire lion, Grizzlocks, Giant Hoarder Scorpion, Trigrex of Nil, electric bird mother and three chicks, the Frankenstein monster, squills from The Wanders, the Hufflerumples, animals from The Breakfast, animals from The Night (the centipede being the only one from the episode to speak), Frederick, maybe a doom dragon or two, the mother and child from The Egg. Seen via Eye Drone are the Gracknore, Buster, and the giant worm from The Hat that promptly gobbles up the Drone.

The So-and-So - You can guess who the interviewee is in this one. Just like The Whatever, this short foreshadows what’s next for Wander, Sylvia, Hater, and Peepers.

The Rest - Of all the shorts, this one has the most interviewees, each one taking 2-3 seconds to give an answer. Cluckons, hogs, Bobbles, Zetuons, Flankarians, Tiki beings, rabbit-like folks from The Showstopper, Mr. and Mrs. Brittle, ornament beings from The Gift, the balloon man, Dragor the Distractible, Galactia, Veronicron and her husband Jim (the Neon Knight of Nalpraxis), Gelatinous Bob animatronic, Fleeblebort and Marsha and the two hillbilly families, flower-headed birds, any notable residents of Okeydokia, cloaked refugees from the end of The Secret Planet, Brad Starlight and his wife Remora having returned from their honeymoon, his cousin Chad, anyone I might have left out. Lastly, the hooded refugees, also from The Secret Planet.

DISCLAIMER: If these shorts should happen, some of the refugees mentioned here but not seen in The End of the Galaxy may or may not appear.

We can all relate to the refugees in some way. The refugees (most of them) have to wait for Wander and Sylvia to get them back home so they can go about their normal lives. At the start of S3, that’s where the Star Nomad, the ship allegedly made from the one that appeared in The Secret Planet, would come in. We have to wait for the COVID-19 pandemic to be over so we can go about our normal lives. Considering those who worked on the plans for S3 still haven’t given us more clues even in these difficult times, I think the time is right to make more people aware of WOY with this particular idea.

Of course, there is the matter of which medium to use. Animation will probably be time consuming, and much to the perpetual dismay of Wander fans, Disney still doesn’t want to pay to make more WOY. Heck, if there’s no time for animation, animatics might do. A much cheaper method might be the podcast - this way, no visual art has to be made. Hey, it worked for Futurama doing an audio episode titled “Radiorama,” not to mention The Loud House having a podcast titled “Listen Out Loud.” Then again, there’d have to be multiple voice actors reprising their roles, and I doubt they’d do it for free. In the case where visual art is needed, we could do what @suspendersofdisbelief and @benbalistreri did for Star Wanderer and make a comic version of the shorts with help from them and the other writers and illustrators, assuming they’re not too busy with their own projects. We don’t really need Disney’s permission to know exactly what’s supposed to happen after S2, do we?

Regardless of circumstances, I still think it’s a great idea, one @crackmccraigen and the crew could take into consideration whether or not Disney gives them a chance to properly close out the show after Kid Cosmic is done. After all, I am a Disney employee and the only one to come up with this particular idea as far as I know. The only question is, why didn’t anyone else in the fandom think of it before? Also, if @andydaly knew about my idea, maybe he’d be all for it, what with the country still in lockdown.

Look, many of us are still bummed WOY got canceled before S3 could get made, but moping about it and not doing anything to save it won’t get us anywhere. Formerly canceled shows like Hey Arnold!, Samurai Jack, and The Clone Wars got true closure, so I don’t see why WOY can’t do the same. If we all work together, we’ll make history.

To all you pessimists, cynics, and skeptics out there...

Hopelessness stops now.

[bestreasonstowriterecordreviews]

✰ BEST OF THE BEST REASONS TO WRITE FUCKIN’ RECORD REVIEWS IN 2019 ✰        

It’s that time again: let’s feast from 2019′s Grapevine That Is Never Pruned with 21 (+ approximately 277 more) of the BEST OF THE BEST REASONS TO WRITE FUCKIN’ RECORD REVIEWS IN 2019!    ✰ 7th ANNIVERSARY ✰ 

<All long playing vinyl records unless otherwise noted...& many cassettes>

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ TOP 21 ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

✰ TAIWAN HOUSING PROJECT  Sub-Language Trustees  (ever/never) ✰

✰ SAMANTHA RIOTT  Bloodletting download (self-released)

✰ PAULA GARCIA STONE  Undercurrent  cd (Linear Obsessional, UK) 

✰ POSSIBLE HUMANS  Everybody Split (Trouble In Mind)

✰ WILLIAM HENRY MEUNG cassette FMerror (chemical imbalance., Australia)

✰ LEILA BORDREUIL  Headflush  (Catch Wave Ltd)

✰ LEIGHTON CRAIG Diamond Eye (Bruit Direct Disques, France) 

✰ KNITTED ABYSS   Bad Lassies (Paradise Daily, Australia)

✰ WEAK SIGNAL  LP1  (Mag Mag)

✰ TOM OF ENGLAND  Sex Monk Blues (L.I.E.S.)

✰ DRY CLEANING  Boundary Road Snacks And Drinks & Sweet Princess LP (It’s OK, UK)

✰ 75 DOLLAR BILL  I Was Real  double LP (Thin Wrist Recordings) 

✰ DARK BLUE Victory Is Rated (12XU)

✰ KALI MALONE  The Sacrificial Code 3 cd (iDEAL Recordings, Sweden)

✰ SHABAZZ MYSTIK Chant D’Lâme (Off, Belgium)

✰ LONG HOTS Give And Take 7” (Third Man)

✰ AMIRTHA KIDAMBI & LEA BERTUCCI  Phase Eclipse cassette (Astral Spirits)

✰ CHRIS BROKAW  End Of The Night (VDSQ)

✰ SPIRAL WAVE NOMADS Spiral Wave Nomads (Twin Lakes/Feeding Tube)

✰ HAMA Houmeissa (Sahel Sounds)

✰ YL HOOI  Untitled  cassette (Altered States Tapes, Australia)

JEANINES Jeanines (Slumberland)

ARTEFACTOS DE DOLOR  La Niña double LP (Pain Artifacts)

U-BAHN  U-Bahn  (Future Folklore, France)

MDOU MOCTAR Ilana: The Creator (Sahel Sounds)

STEFAN CHRISTENSEN The Upcoming Flame (bruit direct disques, France) 

TYSHAWN SOREY & MARILYN CRISPELL  The Adornment Of Time cd (Pi Recordings)

ALE HOP Apophenia (Buh Records, Peru)

TIM PANARETOS  Submergence cd-r (chemical imbalance., Australia) & Opposites End download (self-released, Australia)

KATE CARR City Of Bridges download (Longform Editions, Australia)

WRITHING SQUARES  Out Of The Ether (Trouble In Mind)

MY NORTH EYE  (My) North Eye (2011) cd-r  (Reverb Worship, France)

PINOCCHIO  Pinocchio ep (Toxic State)

BRIDGET HAYDEN Soil And Song cassette (Synchronise Witches, UK) [comes with Karen Dalton fanzine!]

The COWBOYS The Bottom Of A Rotten Flower  (Feel It Records)

OLUMPUS  Caucus & Surplus downloads (both stabbies, etc., New Zealand)

CHUCK CLEAVER  Send Aid (Shake It!)

JOSÉ DIAS  After Silence, Vol. 1. cd (Clean Feed, Portugal)

KNIFE WIFE  Family Party cassette (Sister Polygon)

TRAMPOLINE TEAM  Trampoline Team (HoZac)

KATE CARR  Heatwave cassette (self-released, UK)

SEBASTIEN STH BISET  Islæd cd (Mnóad, Belgium)

PHAROAH CHROMIUM  Eros + Massacre  (Scum Yr Earth, France)

JOSEPH ALLRED Aspirant cassette (Garden Portal Tapes) & O, Meadowlark (Feeding Tube)

ANDREA BORGHI Tistre cassette (Dinzu Artefacts)

MOPE GROOVES Desire (See My Friends Records)

JOSHUA ABRAMS & NATURAL INFORMATION SOCIETY  Mandatory Reality (Eremite)

SOFIE BIRCH  Island Alchemy cassette (Constellation Tatsu) 

VOYAGE DATA  Voyage Data cassette  (Econore, Germany)

JONNY COUCH  Mystery Man  (Damages Sofa)

FISCHERLE  Gmatwacz cassette (Czaszka, UK)

ROCKET 808  Rocket 808 (12XU)

LINDA TRIP  Sad Bangers cassette (Superdreamer) 

MATTHEW J. ROLIN  Matthew J. Rolin (Feeding Tube Records)

STEKKERDOOS  Kalendar cassette (No Rent)

IAN HAWGOOD  光 (Home Normal, Japan)

ÀLEX REVIRIEGO • DISCORDIAN STRING ENSEMBLE  Incerto For Doublebass And Strings download (Discordian, Spain)

JULIA KENT Temporal cd (The Leaf Label, UK)

NAPS  Better To Give cassette (Gertrude Tapes)

TERROR OF THE DEEP  The A-Team cassette (Melted Ice Cream, New Zealand)

CLAIRE ROUSAY Friends cassette (Never Anything)

ANNA SUBIRIANA • POL PADRÓS • JOAN ANTONI PICH Brull’s Bet download (Discordian, Spain)

HAKOBUNE  A Fan, Strings, and Two Guitars cassette (Patient Sounds)

LORI GOLDSTON Things Opening (Second Editions, Germany)

The RESONARS  No Exit (Trouble In Mind)

MARCIA BASSETT • MANUEL MOTA • MARGARIDA GARCIA  Here They Rest Immobile (Yew)

URANIUM CLUB The Cosmo Cleaners: The Higher Calling Of Business Provocateurs (Fashionable Idiots/Static Shock, UK)

THE COOL GREENHOUSE  “Crap Cardboard Pet” 7” (Hidden Bay Records, France)

ROB NOYES “You Are Tired”/“Nightmare Study”  7” (Market Square Recordings, UK)

TOM LÖNNQVIST  Häviävän Pieni Osa (Guggenhavn Archive, Sweden)

GOTOBEDS  Debt Begins At 30 (Sub Pop)

GREG KELLEY/ROB NOYES  Greg Kelley/Rob Noyes split cassette (self-released)

DEAD SEA APES  The Free Territory  double LP (Feeding Tube Records) 

DRAGGS  Draggs cassette (Slime Street, Australia) 

SPRAY PAINT Into The Country (12XU)

SPF Paul’s McCartney 

2 CHEVRONS No Rules In Outta Space cassette (Albert’s Basement, Australia)

DARK TEA Dark Tea (Fire Talk)

TERRINE  Live At Home cassette (Econore, Germany)

The SNAKES  The Snakes (Anti Fade, Australia)

LIVE SKULL  Saturday Night Massacre  (Bronson Recordings, Italy)

ELKHORN  Sun Cycle/Elk Jam 2 LP (Feeding Tube)

MESSRS  Messrs 12” (Heel Turn Records)

VIRGINIA PLAIN  Strange Game (All Hands Electric)

JEN KUTLER  Dismbodied (EyeVee)

MOR AIR  Life Behind Glass cassette (Genot Centre, Czech Republic)

CIA DEBUTANTE  The Landlord (Siltbreeze)

JOSÉ DIAS  After Silence, Volume 1 cd (Celan Feed, Portugal)

LAURA LUNA CASTILLO  Folksonomies cassette (Cudighi Records)

THE GIRL IN TIMES NEW VIKING  The Girl In Times New Viking (The Fah-Q Catalog)

43 ODES  43 Odes cassette (Eiderdown)

OOF Vanity Plate cassette & EGO cassette  (both Fuzzy Warbles cassettes)

ORGUE AGNÈS A Une Gorge (three:four, Switzerland; Standard In-Fi - 2018)

MICHAEL MORLEY Heavens Idleness Awaits 2 LP (Thin Wrist Recordings)

CHRISTINA KUBISCH  Schall Und Klang cd (Fragment Factory, Germany)

HUNTED CREATURES Sleep Weed cassette (White Reeves Productions)

UNITED WATERS  Coma To Coma (Drawing Room Records)

JULIUS MENARD  Hr  cassette (Econore, Germany)

GEE TEE Chromo-Zone download (self/released, Australia)

AARON RUSSELL  Coral Music cassette (Gertrude Tapes)

9TH HOUSE  Planetary EP 12” (Hot Haus, UK) 

SCAN  Scan 7” ep (Drugfront)

The HECKS  My Star  (Trouble In Mind)

ALINA PETROVA & KIRA WEINSTEIN  Sad Ko cassette (Never Anything)

HIEROPHANTS  Spitting Out Moonlight (Anti Fade, Australia) 

NOTS  3  (Goner)

P WITS The Desire and Pursuit of The Whole cassette (chemical imbalance., Australia)

GOLDEN PELICANS Grinding For Gruel (12XU)

TOPDOWN DIALECTIC  Vol. 2 (Peak Oil)

M. SAGE  Catch A Blessing (Geographic North)

ECHO OHS  Wild Weeds 12” (1:12 Records, New Zealand)

CIVIC  Selling, Sucking, Blackmail Bribes 7"  (Total Punk)

WENDY EISENBERG & SHANE PARRISH  Nervous Systems (Verses) 

KNEELING IN PISS  Tour De Force cassette (The Fah-Q Catalog)

s.soo Tyman download (New York Haunted, Netherlands)    

WSCHÓD  Wschód cd (Clean Feed, Portugal)

PREENING Gang Laughter (Digital Regress) 

CLARICE JENSEN  Drone Studies  cassette (Geographic North)

MARBLED EYE  Beat Sessions, Vol. 8 cassette (Shout Recordings)

STEVE MOORE  Steve Moore 12” (L.I.E.S)

The SELVA  Canícula Rosa cd (Clean Feed, Australia)

PROGRAM Show Me 12” (Anti Fade, Australia)

SLUMB PARTY Spending Money (Drunken Sailor, UK)

EUN-JUNG KIM & CHARLIE COLLINS  Shining Days cd (Linear Obsessional, UK)

NEON  Neon 12” (Square One Again)

CUCINA POVERA Zoom (Night School, Scotland)

PAULA SHOCRON & PABLO DÍAZ with GUILLERMO GREGORIO Díalogos cd (Fundacja Słuchaj, Poland)

MY NORTH EYE / LE GOÛT ACIDE DES CONSERVATOURS  MNE • L / G / A / D / C split cassette ([Equilibre Fragile], France)

The WOOLEN MEN Human To Human (Dog’s Table)

PIERCE WARNECKE & LOUIS LAURAIN  

Phonotypic Plasticity cassette (Astral Spirits)

BIG QUIET Interesting Times (Unblinking Ear)

SEAN ALI • LEILA BORDREUIL • JOANNA MATTREY I Used to Sing So Lyrical cassette (Astral Spirits)

POWDER  Powder In Space cd (Beats In Space)

MUKQS Jaki Crush cassette (No Rent)

DENNIS GONZALEZ & DEREK ROGERS Certain Aspects cd (Marginal Frequency) 

PONT-À-MOUSSON Bye Bye Mirello! cassette (ABrecords, France)

AKI  ONDA  A Method To Its Messiness (Thalamos, Greece)

ALEXANDER  Untitled cassette (Garden Portal)

BRANDY  “Clown Pain”/“Rent Quest” 7” (Total Punk)

MAJOR STARS  Roots Of Confusion, Seeds Of Joy  (Drag City)

LORI GOLDSTON & JUDITH HAMANN Alloys cd (Marginal Frequency) 

PAINT THINNER The Sea Of Pulp (ŌBLĒK)

JEANS BEAST  Unearthly Gardens Of The New Gods cd-r (Econore, Germany) & Attrition cassette (self-releases, Germany)

SKULL PRACTITIONERS  Skull Practitioners 12” (In The Red)

UROCHROMES  Trope House (Wharf Cat)

LIVINGDOG & MIKE JOHNSON CRO$$ cassette (Constellation Tatsu)

HEADROOM  New Heaven 12” (ever/never)

JEFF HENDERSON  The Charming Clarinet download (III Records, NewZealand)

GRAHAM DUNNING & EDWARD LUCAS End Of A Cable cassette (tsss tapes, Italy)

VILDE CHAYE Demos cassette (Brainplan)

Heavy Space Records - Anthology Volumes I & II cassettes (Ikuisuus, Finland)

KYLE EYRE CLYD Eggshell cd (Yew)

NEUTRALS  Kebab Disco (Emotional Response)

FREDDIE DOUGGIE Freddie Douggie: Live on Juneteenth cassette (International Anthem)

AGUSTÍ FERNÁNDEZ • WILLIAM PARKER • SUSIE IBARRA  One Night At The Joan Miró Foundation cd (Fundacja Słuchaj, Poland)

HUGO MASSIEN  Dance Trax Vol. 21 (Unknown To The Unknown) 

RRILL BELL Vagabond Laws cassette (Gertrude Tapes)

GAMARDAH FUNGUS  Natural Storm cd (Hidden Vibes, Ukraine)

WAYNE ROGERS  The Air Below (Twisted Village)

UNKNOWN SENDER Unknown Sender  (Colonel Records) 

BLUES LAWYER  Something Different (Mt.St.Mtn) 

DURA  Reverberation Hymns cassette (Garden Portal)

JODIE LOWTHER  The Cat Collects download (self-released)

WOLKOROTS Dan Manialogism cassette (Magma Tones, Finland)  

CEREAL KILLER  The Beginning And End Of Cereal Killer (Anti Fade, Australia)

COLIN WEBSTER/MARK HOLUB Nadir (Raw Tonk, UK)

The CAVEMEN  Lowlife 7” EP (Slovenly) 

FRANCISCA GRIFFIN  The Spaces Between cd (CocoMuse, New Zealand)

ANDY HUMAN & THE REPTOIDS  “Psychic Sidekick” 7” (Total Punk)

SEI A Mode Static 12” (Aus Music, U.K.)

JOHN SAINT PELVYN  Improvisation 7.7.18 download (Southern Jukebox Music) 

REBEL SCUM The Descent cassette (chemical imbalance., Australia - 2018) 

S. ARAW TRIO XIII Activated Clown cassette (NNA Tapes)

FERRAN FAGES & VASCO TRILLA  Gestell cd (Raw Tonk, UK)

HUA LUN  Wanderlænd + 2 cassette (Katuktu Collective)

VIRVON VARVON  Mind Cancer cassette (Girlsville)

PHILIPP OTTERBACH  The Rest Is Bliss (Knekelhuis, Netherlands)

EDITRIX Talk To Me download (self-released)

PAVLOV’S PUSS  Comfort Food  (Melted Ice Cream, New Zealand) 

NATHALIE STERN  Nerves And Skin cassette (Cruel Nature, UK)

AKI TAKASE  Hokusai  cd (Intakt, Switzerland)

MOORDDROOM  Deep VR Edits bandcamp DL (New York Haunted, Netherlands)

EXEK Some Beautiful Species Left (Digital Regress)

CLAIRE BIRCHALL  “Dead Air” bandcamp DL (it, Australia)

JUDY & The JERKS  Bone Spur cassette (Earth Girl) & Music For Donuts ep  (Thrilling Living) 

POWER STEERING  Power Steering cassette (chemical imbalance., Australia)  

RASMUS TIETCHENS  HOBOTPAHC cd-r (New York Haunted, Netherlands) 

UTINUTIN  Black Cat, Anyeurism, And Simian Politics download (no label)

GUY BIRKIN  Yemen Data Project cassette (New York Haunted, Netherlands)

LINUS VANDEWOLKEN  Het Vlier Een Hommel Op Aarde 10”x 2 (Okraïna, Belgium)

JOHN CHANTLER  Tomorrow Is Too Late  (Room40, Australia)

JENNIFER VANILLA  J.E.N.N.I.F.E.R. EP 12” (Beats In Space)

WOW  Come La Notte  (Maple Death, Italy)

KATE MOHANTY  Disappear Here  cassette (Friendship Tapes) 

ASTRO SOCIAL CLUB & GRUMBLING FUR  Plasma Splice Trifle (vhf)

SANR  Kesif cd (Flaming Pines, UK)

ANDREW TASSELMYER & PATRICK SPATZ  Interior Currents cassette (Constellation Tatsu)

AHMEDOU AHMED LOWLA Terrouzi cassette (Sahel Sounds)

SKRU  Count Zero cassette (Bedouin, UAE)

PUGILIST Blue 06 12” (Whities, UK)

ULAAN  KHOL  Collapsing Hymns cassette (Worstward) 

L.$.D. FUNDRAISER  No Peace Without Tranquility (no label, New Zealand)  

COCHONNE  Cochonne (self released)

LE POUFS À CORDES Le Poufs À Cordes cd (Pagans, France)

FRET!  A Vanity Spawned By Fear cassette (Cruel Nature, UK) 

UNWAR  Other People cd-r (Magma Tones, Finland)

WOJCIECH RUSIN  The Funnel (Akashic, Scotland)

SLEEPER AND SNAKE Junction And High (Aarght, Australia)

The OILIES Psychic Dog (Fruits & Flowers)

ELI KESZLER Empire 12” (Shelter Press, France)

HAIDER 10961 12” (Aus Music, UK)

FOSTER CARE El Abuso (Total Punk)

TORN HAWK Time Is A Scam 2x 12” (L.I.E.S.)

The LICE Nancy Spungen download (self-released)

DJ XNX  ATX  (Get Busy!, Russia)

SHITTY LIFE Vinyls Discography (Lo-Fo Lo-Life, Germany)

GONG GONG GONG  幽靈節奏 = Phantom Rhythm (Wharf Cat)

SARAH LOUISE  Nighttime Birds And. Opening Stars (Thrill Jockey)

MYRIAM BLEAU Lumens & Profits (Where To Now?, UK)

TV DUST  Forget (MyOwnPrivateRecords / Occult Gang, Italy)

PRIMORJE Reference Path  cassette (Thalamos, Greece)

JUNE CHIKUMA Ler Archives LP + 7” (Freedom To Spend)

dMyanche  Ergonomie cassette (Indian Redhead, France)

EQUIPMENT POINTED ANKH Live (Sophomore Lounge)

VIV CORRINGHAM  Until I Learn The Language Of Mineral Vegetable  cassette (Linear Obsessional, UK)

JACOB WICK feel (Thin Wrist)

AMATEUR HOUR Framtiden Tillhör Inte Oss (Happiest Place, Sweden)

The FICTIVE FIVE  Anything Is Possible cd (Clean Feed, Portugal) 

DANKETSU 9  Towards A Walk In The Sun cd (Patient Sounds (intl))

IVAN THE TOLERABLE  Rations 2LP (Stolen Body, UK)

DANA  Glowing Auras And Black Money (Heel Turn)

NATE YOUNG  Volume 3: Dance Of The Weeping Babe 12” (Lower Floor)

SHOLTO DOBIE & MARK HARWOOD  The Blue Horse  cd (Penultimate Press, UK)

HEAVY METAL 4  (Statik Age Music, Germany)

WET TUNA  Water Weird (Three Lobed Recordings)

CARRAGEENAN Invisible Design cassette (Czaszka, UK)

PRIVATE ANARCHY  Central Planning  (Round Bale Recordings)  

HIDEO NAKASAKO  Texture Of Days cassette (Muzan Editions, Japan)

PRANA CRAFTER  Bodhi Cheetah’s Choice (Beyond Beyond Is Beyond)

PATRICK SHIROISHI & NOEL MEEK  Break Your Eyes cassette (Sploosh)

ANDY HUMAN & The REPTOIDS  Psychic Sidekick (Total Punk)

SLAG QUEENS  You Can’t Go Out Like That (Rough Skies Records, Australia)

ALIAS G Natural Love 12” (Unknown To The Unknown, UK)

NIVHEK  After Its Own Death / Walking In A Spiral Towards The House cd (W.25th)

GARCIA PEOPLES Natural Facts (Beyond Beyond Is Beyond)

MARCO SERRATO/FRANCESCO COVARINO Bestemmia cd (Raw Tonk, UK)

HOUSEWIVES Twilight Splendour  (Blank Editions, UK)

CLOUDWATCHERS  Cloudwatchers cd (Unexplained Sounds Group, Italy)

CATHERINE LAMB Shade/Gradient  (Black Pollen Press -2018) 

UNITED BIBLE STUDIES  Porti Sepolti cassette (Sloow Tapes, Belgium)

ÚJ BÁLA Diacritical Marks And Angels cassette (Baba Vanga, Czech Republic)

STRENGTH N.I.A.  Do Televisions, Frankie Moore ritual cassette (Stength N.I.A., UK)

DAVID LIPTAK David Lipton: Dove Songs [Tony Arnold, soprano/Allison D’Amato, piano] cd

ANNĒE ZĒRO  La Coolitude (Indian Redhead, France)

MELENAS “Ya Me No Importa Si Tú Quieres”/“Si Tú Me Quieres” 7” (El Nebula Recordings, Spain)

WHIRLING HALL OF KNIVES  Knukke cassette (Cruel Nature, UK)

PROTRUDERS  Poison Future (Feel It)

MOTHER JUNO  Commit cassette (popnihil)

LEFT HAND CUTS OFF THE RIGHT Purge cassette (Fractal Meat Cuts, UK)

CLAIRE ROUSAY  t4t  cassette (No Rent)

IQ+1  Conversaphone Plus (mappa, Slovenia)

BENOÎT PIOULARD & SEAN CURTIS PATRICK Avocationals (Bacon Sound) 

DELPHINE DORA  Dunkles Zu Sagen (self-released)

SOOT  Pockmarked With...Soot!  cassette (Eternal Soundcheck, Australia) 

DAN MELCHIOR BAND Negative Freedom (In The Red)

TÔLE FROIDE  Tôle Froide (Le Turc Mecanique, France - 2018)

AHMED AG KAEDY  Alkaline Kidal  (Sahel Sounds)

DUNNING & UNDERWOOD The Blow Vol. 5 cassette (Front & Follow, UK)

TAKAHIRO MUKAI Super Annoying cassette (Fort Evil Fruit, Ireland)

ANTONIO  High Voltage! cassette (Altered States Tapes, Australia) 

CUBE Decoy (W.25th)

The PLAINS  The Plains cassette (chemical imbalance., Australia)

KA BAIRD  Respires (Rvng Intl.) 

GINO & The GOONS  Do The Get Around (Drunken Sailor, UK)

VIVIEN LE FAY  Ecolalia  (Boring Machines, Italy)

DUKE  Uingizaji Hewa  (Nyege Nyege Tapes, Uganda)

ARIAN SHAFIEE  Arabic Voice cassette (unifactor)

MOUNT TROUT  Shelter Belt  cassette (Rough Skies, Australia)

OCEAN FLOOR  Vernalis cassette (Eiderdown)

CURRENT AFFAIRS “Buckle Up”/“World In Crisis” 7” (dotx3, Germany)

AARON SNOW  Instrumentals  ‘15-‘19  cassette (Surf Shop)

MELKINGS  Movement Music cassette (Regional Bears, UK)

DECIMUS  DECIMUS 6 (self-released)

SYLVIE COURVOISIER and MARK FELDMAN  Time Gone Out cd (Intakt, Switzerland) 

DANIEL HOLT Daniel Holt 12” (L.I.E.S.)

BEAT DETECTIVES  NYPD Records Volume 3: Nefertiti Abstract Movie cassette (NYPD Records)

STEFAN CHRISTENSEN & FRIENDS Unknown Fortune (C/Site)

DIRE WOLVES  Grow Towards The Light (Beyond Beyond Is Beyond)

FAMOUS LOGS IN HISTORY  Memories Of the Space Age cassette (Fuzzy Warbles Cassettes)

HAND & LEG Lust In Peace (Black Gladiator)

DEE DEE & The FUZZ COFFINS Three Golden Hits cassette (Earth Girl Tapes)

RAZORLEGS  Skip Skool cassette (Fadensonnen)

BEST REASONS TO WRITE FUCKIN’ RECORD REVIEWS IN 2018

BEST REASONS TO WRITE FUCKIN’ RECORD REVIEWS IN 2017

BEST REASONS TO WRITE FUCKIN’ RECORD REVIEWS IN 2016

BEST REASONS TO WRITE FUCKIN’ RECORD REVIEWS IN 2015

BEST REASONS TO WRITE FUCKIN’ RECORD REVIWS IN 2014

BEST REASON TO WRITE FUCKIN’ RECORD REVIEWS IN 2013

Neil Morris, speaking to Alan Lomax in 1959:

“Well, when I was just a small boy, Old Uncle Milt Oldfield…Billy Oldfield, the Congressman from Arkansas for so long, it is his father. He and my father are awfully close friends. And they were discussing music. They were music teachers both of them.

“And uh, and they said, dad did and Uncle Milt sanctioned what he said, that MUSIC HAD NO END. That you could learn all the other guy [or girl] learned, and after you got that done they would then, something else would crop up. That uh, that you, that was the reason why that uh, music advanced. That’s why that you would get a better music in one generation maybe that is, uh, IT WOULD FIT THE TIMES IN WHICH THEY LIVED.”

[Lomax: “What about music on the grapevine?”]

“Welllll, they said that MUSIC GREW LIKE THE GRAPEVINE THAT IS NEVER PRUNED. That each year it’d…it’d put on a little bit more. That was what they said, now, about it. Any further questions?”’

[etrnlscn]

The 12 Days Of Christmas

A Bakugo x F!Reader

series masterlist

Chapter 1: Last Christmas

The christmas spirit invested the campus of UA like a plague. Everyone was (as cheesy as it sounds) jollier than ever.

Its barely 6:00am, and music is blasting from the living room. All week Kaminari has been playing his favourite christmas music, and its been a living hell for the rest of his roomates. Y/N especially. She struggles out of bed and walks into the living room with a scowl on her face. "Are you done?" she asks in monotone. The scene was Mina and Kaminari sitting on the couch screaming their lungs out. The landlord is on the verge of booting you all. "We haven't even started? This is only the first song on the playlist." Kaminari replies. "You know Y/N, i don't know why you have to take out your hatred for christmas out on the rest of us just becau-" Mina cuts him off with a straight faced stare.

"I don't hate christmas". Its true, Y/N didn't. She just had a strong disliking for it. Almost 2 years ago, Y/N had broken up with her boyfriend of almost 5 years, on this day. You can very well assume that she was devastated. It doesn't help that this time of year was such an in-your-face-thing. Every year she tries her hardest not to let that situation ruin her holiday season. "Yeah, okay" Kaminari replies. Shinso enters behind Y/N, looking extra tired. "You guys are idiots, turn this shit down," He says. Turning to Y/N, "You want coffee?" He asks, "Yes. Please." she replies with a tired smile.

Y/N takes her mug and head back to your room to get ready. The morning continues. Today wasn't as exhausting as usual, because its the last day before break. Everyone including the teachers were super excited, some about going away, some about parties, a lot about sleep. Y/N was excited for break as much as the next guy, she just hoped she wouldn't ruin it for herself by being a huge mope. Y/N went to all her classes and gave each of her professors small gifts, she loved giving. On her lunch break she met up with the girls and they chatted about their plans for the break. "Sorry we can't make it to the dinner this year Y/N, i promised my parents i'd finally introduce them to Jirou, we'll be at lodge till' New Year's" Momo said in a sorry tone, she was both sad and happy at the same time. "Oh don't worry ! PLEASE, i'm so happy for you guys" Y/N reassured her, trying to hide the the bit of jealousy in her voice. "Besides, I still have Mina and the rest of the gang" She says. "Minus Bakugo," Jirou adds. Y/N freezes. "Have you really not talked to him for 2 years" She continues. Well it's not like Y/N hasn't tried *insert thingy* .

She's just, scared. Sad? Intimated? All in all, shes very conflicted at the thought of reaching out to Bakugo again. What if he's moved on? That would be so fucking awkward Y/N thought. "What am I supposed to say at this point? 'Hey, its been 2 whole years since I bitterly cut you off, drinks?' " question the group. "Better that than bumping into him on the street and having aneurysm" Mina says, laughing "Yeah okay. Shiketsu is like 3 hours away, theres no logical reason for him to come to this area." Y/N replies, "Then again, God is always trying to strike me down." She says.

After school, She took the train home with Kaminari, who was looking especially annoyed. "You're not as jolly as you were this morning." Y/N teases. "Yeah, well Prof gave me an assignment to do over break" He says. Confused, you ask "Why?". "Apparently i'm 'on the verge of failing the course and in desperate need of extra credit.' If this man don't shut the fuck up, when's he gonna say he just doesn't like me." He blurts out. "Dumbass" Y/N whipers under her breath. He scoffs. "Now i'll barely have anytime to live my christmas movie fantasy with Toshi". Y/N rolls her eyes. Why is she being attacked with all these 'takens'? Her, Denki, and Mina used to be single gang until Shinso had to fuck around and fall in love. After that, Y/N tried her hand at finding a boyfriend but all she got were a couple one-night-stans, and weird foot fetishists. It was partly her fault, online dating wasn't the best option. But after a few tries, Y/N gave up and decided to let Jesus take the wheel, surely he'll decide a great fate for her. Shes still waiting. "I'm sure you and Shinso will have a great time studying Socrates" You say in a sarcastic tone.

Y/N gets off the train saying bye to the airhead, heading straight to work. She worked at a cute little bookstore in the city. Its also her last day there since she took the break off. Her shift was spent mostly wrapping gifts for customers, and sending them home after telling them that the most popular books were sold out for the season. Its finally 9 pm and Y/N is cleaning up a bit before closing. The store bell rings at the front and she looks up from her book cart. "Seriously? we close in 30." She thought, annoyed. Still she leaves the aisle shes in, making her way to the front to greet the costumer. The tall, presumably male, figure walks into the romance aisle. Interesting choice. Walking up behind him she asks, "Looking for anything specific?" Forcing a smile. The man turns around frightened, "Uh-No actually-" He pauses. No goddamn way.

... "Bakugo?".

a/n: okay I hope that was a good intro for the story ! Hope you guys like it

[nickacheson]

Tormund was not the sort of man to waste good mead.

By the time I got back to Lys, she had taken a lover, who told me cheerfully that I would be enslaved for debt unless I gave her up and left the city. The new bidder was an older man, white-haired yet tall and fit, with leathery brown skin and a nike jean jacket close-cropped salt-and-pepper beard. Tormund was not the sort of man to waste good mead. Hence, if we learn of hemoglobin actually works for one mammal, we have learned for many more mammals. Sales tax is due on the $110 shoes.. Now, let's talk FASHION zapatillas de tacos futbol+ GoMIXERS. It was an instant success.. You would take my son’s head. The seventh voice would be the Dornishwoman now escorting Myrcella home. Xvii.. That did not mean Barristan Selmy liked it any better. This is particularly the case with the Methodist and Presbyterian bodies, and for that reason we select these two as examples. "Since losing Sean we have continued to visit the station and seeing children still doing this made us think of a slide. The rejection of negro testimony is one of the necessary circumstances under which slave-holding can exist; indeed, it is utterly impossible for it to exist without it; therefore it is not sinful to hold slaves in the condition and under the circumstances which they are held at the South, inasmuch as they can be held under no other circumstances. Guy Laroche, commander of Canadian Forces in Haiti, spoke to reporters

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and later when Gen. Suddenly the door was violently flung open and Elena rushed into the room with a white face and dazed eyes in a white muslin dress, crumpled and torn, and her hair, which had been carefully arranged, dishevelled as though by a struggle. The old man’s lodging was discovered. However, Moore did not realize that at the time the National Basketball Association required all players to wear white sneakers. Then, the UNBC student had problems with the landlord of a Prince George apartment complex, after he failed to pay his rent. The proposal includes 252 surface parking stalls in front of the building on East Verona Avenue, just east of Farm Fleet. Harbaugh, who had been warned, protested a valid offside call (the center did not "simulate a movement") by slamming down his headset and flinging his play cards in the duci alkalmi ruha air on the sideline.. Only be quiet. Demon roads and stormy seas, and at the end of it the most beautiful woman in the world. 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Ranking The Bill’s Christmas Specials From Best to the One Where Reg Plays the Back End of a Panto Cow

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Christmas is where you find it. Sometimes you find it in Canley Borough Operational Unit Command, Sun Hill. It’s a rough joint where the hours are long and life is short. It’s where the cops play hardball, the dames play hard to get, and the dame-cops do both, in sensible shoes. (That’s right, some of the cops are dames – though admittedly, not really until the 1990s, and they rarely make it past Inspector.) 

Over its 27-year history, British police procedural The Bill aired 2,425 episodes, just five of which were Christmas specials. They represent 0.0020% of the total output, and 100% of the episodes where Reg Hollis plays the back end of a pantomime cow. That makes each one a rare truffle for this little piggy to sniff out and stack in order of greatness. Let’s get sniffing.

5. Twanky (1997)

The plot: PC Polly Page is having a mare directing the annual Sun Hill Christmas panto: Aladdin, from a script by Tosh. The scenery keeps falling down. Widow Twanky loses his voice. Reg Hollis gets his head stuck in a cow. The Princess Lychee (it was the nineties) costume is accidentally swapped for a box of shoplifted fetish-wear that’s exhibit A in an ongoing trial. Then the venue cancels at the last minute and a crazed ex-con stalks the production, takes a hostage, and attempts to cosh the Assistant Detective Inspector to stop him taking the witness stand. Time until police work: 4 minutes 43 seconds. There’s a call-out to a bar fight involving a carving knife and 107 stitches. Who gets nicked? Three kids who steal a trolleyful of frozen turkeys. A hostage-taking pantomime-cosher. And DC Rod Skase, who gets nicked and sexually assaulted by a pair of coppers from a rival station who honk his Widow Twanky balloon boobs. Best line: “You tell Deakin, there’s no way Jason’s going down. I’ll ‘av him.” High points: Reg saving the day with a new venue and the hostage-taker getting taken down by the might of Sun Hill live on stage, to the delight of the audience, who scream like it’s the Beatles at Shea Stadium. Low points: The Gary Glitter song and dance routine (hindsight). Why it’s in fifth place: It’s the only one of The Bill Christmas specials that makes you watch what feels like an entire pantomime, including songs and an overlong cow-based dance routine. Nobody should have to go through that at Christmas. 

4. The Night Before/The Morning After (2000)

The plot: The Sun Hill uniforms are planning a Christmas bash at their local, but CID’s nose is out of joint about not getting an invite, so they nick the landlord’s son for possession (an early role for Matt from aptly named boy-band Busted) and get everyone barred. Reg finds a club as a stand-in party venue but they all get into a mass punch-up in the queue. Married PC Dave Quinnan rescues PC Polly Page from the melee, and overcome by lust, they embark on an affair, feeling each other up in the meat wagon and getting entangled underneath an orange duvet. Meanwhile, two department store security guards commit aggravated robbery and pin it on a small-time Glaswegian shoplifter, who tries to appeal to Duncan’s Scottish camaraderie by spinning him a pack of festive lies.  Time until police work: 00:47. Straight in. Two uniforms go to pick up a department store shoplifter who makes a run for it through soft furnishings but comes a cropper by the vacuum cleaner display. Who gets nicked? The Scottish shoplifter, Matt from Busted, and eventually, the two security guards. Best line: “I got him in the grotto” “Sounds painful” High point: Learning that Reg’s middle name is Percival Low point: A surprisingly long C-plot about Derek and Jack needing a wee. Why it’s in fourth place: A complete absence of Christmas magic. It might be set during the festivities, but this dour two-parter’s adultery plot and EastEnders-style domestic drama feels not the faintest bit Christmassy. It’s a lot of moping around in dressing gowns, grumpy bickering and lonely heartache, more kitchen sink than Frank Capra. 

3. When The Snow Lay Round About (1999)

The plot: A bottle episode! The Sun Hill crew is snowed in on a mostly silent night down at the nick. Having been cruelly mocked for the quality of his Christmas tree, Reg goes out into the snow, whereupon he intercepts a rogue snowball-thrower setting off the local burglar alarms. A Christmas orphan arrives in the form of Glen, whose foster family refuse to come and collect him because he keeps running away and is generally a bit of a knob. Glen’s dad is doing five in the Scrubs, so Glen keeps robbing the staplers and calling everyone filthy framing pigs. A comedy Russian barbershop quartet show up when their minibus is stolen, and they all get the major horn for Sgt. June Ackland, who loves it. Tony brings in a drunk elf, who promises to grant him a Christmas wish if he can go free. Tony wishes for mince pies, and then magically a boxful is delivered. Danny the Elf makes the Serg’s Christmas wish come true by unearthing Glen’s grandad to come and pick him up. Time until police work: 5:04 Tony radios in a drunk and disorderly elderly man found singing Jingle Bells and trying to climb a lamppost on Fenton Street, who calls himself Danny the Elf.  

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Who gets nicked? Danny the Elf and Reg’s phantom snowball-flinger. The Russian minibus thief goes free because he brings the bus back, makes up with his barbershop quartet and they all have a sing-song. Best line: Glen’s heartbreaking “Do they have Christmas in prison?” High point: Danny telling Serg he was the one who’d granted his unexpressed Christmas wish for Glen to find his beloved granddad, then disappearing to the sound of sleigh bells as the theme music kicks in.   Low point: The Borat-alike Russians. “We must tour UK for orphans charity!” Must you? Why it’s in third place: It’s very silly but really Christmassy. It snows! There’s a tree! Reg has an action scene (off-screen, but still). It has a happy ending, and the storyline about Gary the foster child ends up being genuinely moving. Comedy Russians aside, it’s a very respectable hour of festive TV. 

2. Santa’s Little Helper (2008)

The plot: A spate of burglaries is traced back to a market stall Santa, who robs people’s houses during the one-hour wait for their family’s grotto photo. It turns out that Santa’s on probation, and clean, but his daughter Lisa and her boyfriend were doing the robberies to pay off his pre-prison debts to a wrong’un. Sun Hill’s finest conduct an impressive sting operation, then keep going up the chain until the investigation leads them all the way to a notorious organised criminal gang leader. Time until police work: 0:42. Two uniforms respond to a 999 call about an unconscious elderly man at a break-in. No messing. Who gets nicked? Lisa. Lisa’s boyfriend. Lisa’s dad. The loan shark and thug who was terrorising Lisa. Best line: “Thieving Santa, they’ll be telling me the Tooth Fairy’s a crack dealer next.” High point: When they’re letting Father Christmas out of custody and give him back his beard out of an evidence bag. Low point: All the stick DC Stuart Turner gets for owning a Westlife CD and keeping his flat tidy. Masculinity is a spectrum, officers. Broaden your minds. Why it’s in second place: It’s not only quite a touching story about a family trying to stay together at Christmas (albeit through breaking and entering and a bit of ABH), it also a well-plotted, satisfying series of revelations that kick-start an exciting, twisty-turny multi-episode plot about DC Stevie Moss’s undercover work that’s more or less a bonus series of Line of Duty. We’re talking high-stakes criminal gangs, guns and double-crossing.

1. Christmas Star (1998)

The plot: Tony is organising the works Christmas do, and promising the world on a £15-a-head budget. (The world: music, crisps, nuts, some grub, champagne, lap dances for the men and a Father Christmas stripper for the women.) Trouble is, he’s done a hooky no-VAT deal for cheap booze with the Cash and Carry, which gets raided by the Fraud Squad, so has to pay full whack out of his own pocket at the offy instead. A BMW driver has done a hit and run, leaving a schoolgirl Arsenal obsessive in a coma. Suspecting the owner is lying about his car having been stolen, P.C. Santini does some proper coppering, finds out the owner’s wife was driving, and nicks them both. On top of that, he manages to get the victim a hospital visit from Arsenal’s Emmanuel Petit. A Christmas miracle! Time until police work: 2:06 All units are called to the high street because of the hit and run. Who gets nicked? The BMW driver and his wife. Best line: “Tony’s had a bit of an annus horribilis” “And quite a rough year.” High point: Eddie delivering on his footballer promise to the victim, but being classy enough to keep it to himself. What a mensch. Low point: The BMW owner’s cliched beatnik stylings, man. Why it’s in first place: It’s a gripping, well-paced hour, with a satisfying ending, and a moral about not promising what you can’t deliver. It’s got a guest star in the form of 1990s football sensation Emmanuel Petit, and a hero in the form of P.C. Eddie Santini. Also, being set in 1998, these days it’s a lovely nostalgic watch. Someone gets a fiver out of a Midland Bank cash point! Someone else pays their share of the drinks kitty by cheque! All the women’s eyebrows are plucked thinner than an Elizabethan royal. Truly, a hallowed age. 

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Merry Christmas to all! (But mostly to P.C. Reg Hollis).

The post Ranking The Bill’s Christmas Specials From Best to the One Where Reg Plays the Back End of a Panto Cow appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[plisskenfest]

THE PED HEAD ERA

In the winter of 2018, the city of London was rocked by months of large-scale civil disobedience when demonstrations over public sector pay turned violent. The demonstrations were an expression of frustration at the government’s austerity policies and the entrenched and systemic unfairness that had become authority’s identity.

Although initially peaceful, the protests turned violent when police attempted to kettle a group of five teenagers on motorised scooters. The young riders took off, breaking through police lines and, in the ensuing high-speed chase, one young black man lost his life after being forced off the road by an unmarked police cruiser.

Further angry demonstrations took place, leading to months of confrontations happening almost daily between militant black youths on bikes and police. Infighting on the traditional left caused the growing youth movement to flounder politically. Ethnic minority orientated social justice organisations such as CAGE and Black Lives Matter UK were arrested and their leaders put on terror watch lists.

Denigrated as an uncontrollable terror menace by the media, the young men at the centre of the dispute changed tack and began to wilfully antagonise the authorities, using détournement as their primary psychological weapon. Instead of attacking the police or committing property crime, they began to satirise and vandalise high-profile commercial property throughout the city under the cover of darkness. They would escape on fast, plateless street bikes. They concealed their identities using full visor helmets, masks and customised protective gear. Their cause was taken up by a number of popular artists of the day, and a culture of music recounting their exploits began to gain popularity. Underground funding, often from the proceeds of organised crime, was made available to the riders, and their exploits became more and more daring.

The Met police came under pressure to catch and neutralise the riders. They ignored expert advice to avoid chase situations and – in an echo of what had occurred with Baltimore’s 12 o’clock boys – there were a number of near-fatal accidents involving police vehicles and innocent civilians. With the stakes rising rapidly, the local mythology surrounding these riders grew exponentially, and early 2019 saw an explosion of street-rider culture nationwide.

THE STRIKE

The police began a heavy-handed campaign of ‘stop, search and detain’ on any person who appeared to be under 30 years old riding a motorcycle or moped, or even emulating the custom protective clothing that the riders had made fashionable. Streetwear designers began to incorporate protective functionality into their garments and major sportswear brands looking to capitalise on the outlaw image began covertly sponsoring riders, turning them into social media celebrities. In anticipation of Brexit, Italian scooter dealers began offloading discontinued moped and scrambler stock at hugely reduced prices. Customisers pulled the bikes apart and re-engineered them into what became known as ‘guerrilla bikes’. More than 500,000 were shipped in May of 2019.

On the street, the bikes were further modified to work with mobile phone anti surveillance apps. Police scanners, onboard video streamers, number plates that could be made invisible at the touch of button and heavily optimised, microcomputer-controlled engine performance were all features added to the vehicles at knockdown price.

The teenage bikers began to use their technical advantage to enrich themselves criminally on a larger scale. In one popular manoeuvre, known as a ‘spray-down payback’, unemployed and embittered Polish and Romanian lorry drivers would be paid to escort up to ten riders, loaded up in their containers, to large office complexes, casinos, luxury hotels or shopping malls. Using expertly forged papers and fake uniforms, the lorry driver would gain access to the buildings’ loading bays and tightly dock the vehicle to the trade entrance. At an opportune moment, the riders would open the doors, speed out from the back of the lorry and swarm into the building, terrorising everyone in their path with smoke flares, dazzle paint and even CS gas. In the ensuing chaos, armed robbery was carried out by previously placed agents who would leave the building as pillion passengers riding out with the original swarm. Millions of pounds of property damage could be caused in under ten minutes, and the riders could get away safely before police arrived.

The loot collected was easily converted into cold, hard cash on London’s rapidly growing black market. The profits were generally invested into fleets of high-powered show vehicles – big-engined and aggressively styled track motorcycles designed for drag racing that became sought-after status symbols and marks of allegiance on the streets. The faster and fancier the drag bike, the more prowess and rep its owner and their gang had as an outlaw organisation. Many of the city’s disillusioned and marginalised young men were drawn deeply to the culture. The risks of getting caught were low but the rewards were high, and old gang allegiances began to dissolve into more organised and militant structures as the authorities ramped up their offensive. The raw speed and technical supremacy these drag-style machines offered the owner a massive advantage in any given police chase. It became de rigueur to taunt the police for thrills.

After a three-year-old child playing in her front yard was hit and fatally injured by a reckless young biker, the public demanded answers. In order to quell the escalating tension, prime minister Theresa May issued a statement criticising the method of police intervention in these cases as well as making vague overtures towards criminalising guerrilla bike ownership. This proved to be a watershed in deteriorating relations between Downing Street and the police, who felt that the guerrilla bike ban would be too little too late, and that the government had put them in an impossible position through the deadly combination of public pressure, lack of funding and crumbling infrastructure.

That summer, the police (followed by the fire brigade and the nurses’ unions) went on a series of strikes, causing major disruption to cities across the country. As a response, the prime minister announced plans to privatise large sections of the police force, which in turn began running a reduced service in an effort to force the government’s hand. The police continued to maintain public order, but vowed not to enforce laws relating to traffic violation, motorised property law or public nuisance – the very areas of legislation covering much of the bikers’ sphere of activity. The government countered with draconian legislation – demonstration and large-scale public congregation was outlawed by emergency decree on September 24, 2019, followed by a law requiring all two-wheeled vehicle customisers to be registered and subject to random checks for outlawed technology. This was enforced by the use of CCTV, specially armoured drones and regular army personnel.

THE SQUAT

By the winter of 2019, two years after the notorious Grenfell fire and the mass relocation that occurred in the months following, a number of the Grenfell missing had still not been identified. The many thousands of tower-block tenants who had been forcibly removed from their homes across the country under the auspices of fire safety now faced permanent relocation into refugee camps springing up in the Midlands or long-term homelessness within London. Desperate and angry, they began to squat in many of the city’s empty luxury developments without meaningful fear of eviction, because of the vastly reduced police force. A number of the newly redundant police joined the squat and acted as go-betweens with the authorities and the community. Many of the nation’s young people, disillusioned with the slow pace of change in the country, soon followed suit, and many more people up and down the UK simply stopped paying their rent as the protest gathered pace. Squatting became a widespread practice among those under 30. The Conservative government and sympathetic press declared it a national emergency. The prime minister invoked martial law and began to commission heavily armed private security companies to evict the squatters.

This instability was widespread in the capital and, along with the now badly stalling Brexit negotiations, terror attacks and political infighting, had the effect of suppressing the value of the pound against the euro. By December 2019, the pound was at dollar parity. The central London property market began to hollow rapidly, having been artificially buoyed by overseas wealth. Landlords were dismayed by the very public squatter-versus-security violence, and began trying to sell the properties out from underneath the squatters for whatever they could get.

The squatters were portrayed by the press as largely being young, poor, black and criminally minded. While there was little available data on who was simply not paying their rent or mortgage in those areas outside of the claimed developments, the groups who actively took over the high-value empty property complexes such as One Hyde Park, or Paddington Basin were largely composed of the now older and highly organised, highly motivated bike gangs who, once they had moved in, claimed (with a degree of truth) to protect the area from the hired government muscle that were trying to evict the homeless families.

The right-wing press blamed the squatting on illegal immigrants or those people of colour who, while legal, weren’t prepared to leave post-Brexit. Xenophobic and racist attacks on minorities living in and around the squatter enclaves became common. Minorities began to quietly move to these places for safety and they continued to grow, overlapping traditionally multicultural areas. That they often neighboured very rich localities created a situation of rapid flight and re-occupation by incoming squatters. The squatters took control of local cash businesses. The army were unwilling to intervene for fear of escalation amid government instability, viewing it as an issue for civilian police.

In the West End there were highly publicised instances of wealthy families being forced out of their homes at gunpoint by masked raiders. Stories of widespread carjackings, beatings and general mayhem at the hands of bike gangs dominated 24 hour television news coverage. Although largely untrue, the perception of general insecurity amongst the rich became major downward driver on city centre property prices. By January 2021, the problem was so bad that the House of Saud implemented an emergency buyout scheme for all Saudi, Qatari and UAE nationals who owned properties in the UK, and consolidated its own extensive portfolio into one bloc asset. The governments of the ‘BRICS’ countries, seeing an opportunity to exercise their power on beleaguered British soil, soon did the same. Austerity-riven and cash-strapped local authorities and their private proxies, burdened by the increased cost of private policing, began selling entire housing developments (from which they were no longer collecting significant revenue) to the BRICS Property Services, further increasing the influence of foreign interests.

COLD WAR

In March of 2021 the UK government, against the wishes of the European Union, joined the United States in committing to a large-scale military intervention in Syria. China, Russia and Iran formed a military and intelligence alliance and began overt support of Syrian government forces, entering into an intense cold war phase with the US and the UK. Iranian agents, with the support of their alliance partners, began to covertly undermine the Saudi property operation in London. Making contact through existing Triad networks, Chinese, Russian and Iranian intelligence officers began to recruit and train the leaders of the motorcycle gangs who now ruled the squatted Saudi-owned developments. Primed to lead a revolutionary force within London, these inductees were trained in urban warfare, intelligence gathering, weaponry and explosives.

THE CRASH OF 2022

With an election looming, senior government figures advised that the stricter financial regulations that had been brought into play after the 2008 crash should be relaxed in an effort to stimulate growth. Following Donald Trump’s hugely unpopular state visit in late April 2020, both visa restrictions for American nationals and corporation tax rates for US-based enterprises had been drastically reduced. The EU responded by refusing to continue Brexit negotiations (already granted a three-year extension in 2019) and five years after the invocation of Article 50, the UK crashed out of the EU in 2022 with no arrangement on access to the common market, no trade deal and little agreement on anything else. The UK economy, weakened by five years of simmering social unrest and Brexit uncertainty, was unable to deal with the shock. Almost immediately, there was a catastrophic crash on the markets, resulting in public panic.

The Queen died, and the scheduled 2022 election was postponed until the following year. In 2023, Chuka Umunna’s hastily created Neo-Labour party won a slim majority that many viewed as a poisoned chalice. The UK’s historic over-reliance on financial services and its productivity gap proved fatal as the country went through two years of hyperinflation. Blue-chip UK businesses went under by the boatload, and the country experienced food emergencies for the first time since WWII. By 2024, unemployment stood at 70 per cent. The entire country effectively suspended productive activity as billions of pounds were wiped from the UK economy overnight by the ruthless financial speculation. Rather than help the stricken economy, the super-rich stripped the country of all the assets they could and rapidly relocated.

By October 2025, with winter looming, the World Bank stepped in with the offer of gargantuan loans, underwritten by American oil money, in order to uncapsize UK plc. Jeremy Corbyn, now 76, came out of retirement at the behest of the people, and his far-left-wing Momentum government swept to power on the premise it would broker a good deal with the World Bank and renationalise essential services, including housing. After much negotiation, loans were made on many conditions that importantly included:

1.) A fast action plan to rebuild UK business was implemented.

2.) That the seven-year-old squatter issue was fully resolved.

One of Corbyn’s first moves was to announce a re-nationalisation and redistribution plan, whereby wealthy UK landlords and business owners – particularly non-doms and tax evaders – were compelled to sell their assets to key government-approved holding bodies (that were often in effect wholly owned and created by American multinationals) and, once stabilised, the government would absorb these bodies and begin to collect and redistribute wealth. Compulsory asset seizure was to be the result – no compliance. In 2026, Jeremy Corbyn mysteriously disappeared while cycling to his home, and his plan was set aside.

The immediate effect was the transfer of many central London business and property holdings into the hands of multinationals. By late 2030, over 80 per cent of Greater London property of any kind was owned by various American banks, Facebook, Google and Amazon, which began to run automated operations collecting fees for rent and services, as well as contactless purchases direct from your paycheque. In the short-term, this had the intended stabilising effect.

Between 2027 and 2030 the country slowly went back to work, but power had shifted out of the hands of the government and firmly into the hands of foreign interest. The remaining 20 per cent of property wealth was carved up between the old British upper classes, the Saudi-owned squats and areas administered by the BRICS property service. The BRICS held areas were barely tolerated by the government, who sealed them off from the rest of the city. They were offered supplies and even munition by the BRICs governments, who now viewed them as valuable forward positions in the face of growing US aggression. These were young, densely multicultural areas that became hotbeds of anti-American/anti- UK government activity and strongly resisted infiltration from the outside.

The Saudi government appealed to the US companies to wrest control of huge valuable Saudi-owned properties from the squatters, leading to garrison-type hand to hand warfare on the streets of London. The bike gangs, having grown into rapidly deployable insurgent units, directly attached to the FSB and the Chinese military, easily outdid the US government-hired muscle. They forcibly took control of the Saudi-owned squats, where they were greeted as heroes by the previously embattled squatters. The UK authorities were forced to concede.

Having successfully secured their position in London the BRICS Property Service was privatised and its assets were eventually sold to the mega firm HNA.

WARRING STATES

The turmoil felt in the UK can be seen as a small part of the much larger pattern of worldwide upheaval that occurred within the pre-apocalypse ‘Trump dynastic’ period. Between 2022 and 2040, the worldwide cold war gave rise to shifting loyalties in international relations, with the situation often threatening to escalate into a catastrophic nuclear worldwide conflict. In 2032, a popular revolution centred around the city of Chicago (later renamed Chiraq) and a short civil war splintered the United States into three major factions:

The Confederate – A federation of walled-in fascist republics loyal to the Trump dynasty was formed when California seceded from the US in 2032. It assumed violent hostilities with neighbours Canada and Mexica almost immediately, but remained neutral with Russia and engaged in a cold war with the increasingly powerful China.

Heavily armed, aggressive and politically conservative in nature, the Confederate covered much of the former USA’s landmass and remained the dominant power in the region. Its inward-facing non-expansionist policy was discarded. In 2034, Barron Trump’s Confederate forces seized large chunks of Scotland, claiming ancestral ownership. Interest on loans made by the World Bank in 2020 became extremely overdue, and 2,000 Confederate soldiers were placed in Scotland to ensure payment. In 2035 it was announced that the UK would become the 47th state of the Confederate, sparking immediate hostility with the Chinese-backed EU.

Mexica – California, Nevada, Arizona and then Texas, with support from combined Mexican, Venezuelan and Brazilian militaries, seceded from the United States to form Mexica. With hefty Russian backing, Mexica maintained serious hostilities with the Confederate for the following decade.

United America – Immediately after the Cali secession and resulting refugee crisis, a number of sanctuary cities announced their operational separation from the newly formed Confederate. New York, Boston, Hartford, Washington, Chiraq, Philadelphia, Detroit, Miami and Atlanta were joined by a swiftly built and heavily fortified hyperloop system. The populations of these cities were rapidly swollen by the purged non-white citizens of the Confederate cities, who flooded in. Smaller local municipalities were absorbed to create hugely populated metropolitan areas. United America was largely controlled by politically liberal tech and banking billionaires led by Mark Zuckerberg and protected by well-paid black and Latino conscripts. Its policy of universal basic income and strategic friendship with Mexica and the BRICS countries, as well as its strong alliance with the resource-rich African and Indian continents, bought it a degree of domestic and international peace.

2047

By 2047, London had become the front line of an uneasy peace between the Sino-European alliance and the Confederate/UK trading bloc. China was now the premier world power.

Like post-WW2 Berlin many decades before it, London was now split into parts controlled by the various forces in conflict with each other. The Sino-European alliance held approximately one third of the city, with the aristocrats now only holding a symbolic five percent of mainly ancestral property. The remaining 60 percent was controlled by forces loyal to the puppet UK administration and thus the Confederate. What had once been squatted luxury developments and looted office skyscrapers were now fortified and technologically advanced garrisons governed by a council of omnipotent warlords who answered directly only to Beijing. These mammoth high-rise citadels were modelled on Hong Kong, had their own digital currency, healthcare, energy, passports and administrative centres. They became centres of entertainment, philosophy and technological innovation, but were riddled with violence and corruption due to the concentrated power of the warlords.

The bike gangs who were considered as founders and protectors of the garrisons were in fact controlled by the warlords and had become highly trained and highly visible representations of this Chinese hard power in western lands. Although the citadels were often lawless in the extreme, they were much more multicultural and liberal in character than the rest of the UK, which had become an isolated pariah state ruled by one of Trump’s sons and his corporate cronies. Travel in and out of the citadels for non-white people was dangerous and largely prohibited. Access to the rest of the world was via an airlift at City Airport and travel from King’s Cross station through the Channel Tunnel.

The now mythical boss of the largest citadel and its quasi-paramilitary bike gang was the de facto head of the Sino-European powers in the UK. In 2048, he waged a campaign of terror on the rest of the city, with the aim of gaining decisive territory and influence. This led once again to a state of civil war that threatened to engulf the entire country and turn the cold war very hot.

The decision was made by the Confederate to destroy the citadels with chemical weapons, in order to kill the people but inherit an advanced infrastructure. The Chinese responded by destroying much of the rest of London, New York and Los Angeles via surprise aerial attack from weaponised satellites. This escalated into a full-scale World War 3 and, by 2050, Europe was almost totally reduced to ashes, with an estimated 150 million casualties.

THE SPECTACULAR EMPIRE

After the armistice of 2057, the old alliances fell away, leaving a poorly recorded and misunderstood period of post-apocalyptic chaos in Europe. It is known that the remnants of the various battle-hardened militias who swore allegiance to the old motorcycle gangs joined forces under a unified code of conduct, heavily influenced by the unique garrison culture, that some have called ‘The Spectacular Empire’. It’s said that this fearsome army used the technology salvaged from the garrisons, and the years of support and training they had received from foreign intelligence, to create a nomadic motorised and militarised apocalypse cult entirely closed from the outside world.

There is anecdotal evidence to suggest they were instrumental in the foundation of New London as the powerful city state it is today. Found artefacts suggest they specialised in developing single-person hypersonic vehicles and claimed to dedicate themselves to the protection of the collective future rather than the maintenance of individual power, in order to avoid another devastating war. It is said they had the ability to travel through time. There are other items that suggest a near-obsessive fascination with magical and mythical entities, which flies in the face of their clear technological prowess. For reasons that remain unclear, the motor cults in London disappeared from view in the 2060s, with some saying they left for Africa around 2062.

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Photos from the Landlords Moped Gang St Patty's ride 🔥🔥

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Welcome to the family "Goldie"