#last thing i’m saying tonight

[meat-wentz]

okay so i’m gonna say here: listen. you’re allowed to think and say whatever you want. sometimes though when you put those things on a large public platform other people will read them and they may find what you have to say hurtful, and it may be your first instinct to go on the defense and say uhm okay get a life if you find this hurtful, but you’ve gotta admit somewhere along the line that if this many people find what you have to say upsetting, there’s a reason why and they’re not crazy for seeing the offending pieces even if you don’t. you don’t have to be intentionally racist to say something racist or intentionally fatphobic to say something fatphobic or intentionally transphobic to say something transphobic etc. you may not even see what you said that was offensive but that’s why you have to listen.

you have to trust that marginalized people (and i’m directing this to marginalized people too) have spent the entirety of their lives picking up on how people speak to and about them to the point where they can see the hurtful matter underneath the seemingly kindest of words. and we’re sick of the way our personhood is approached and the way it’s hidden between words and they way the insult cuts like a knife even when it’s dressed as a compliment. you may not see the offending matter but maybe it’s important to listen to people who do, maybe it’s important to realize it’s not actually about you it’s about acknowledging hurt where hurt was dealt and listening and learning as to how it happened. you’re not evil for saying things, but there are lots of people here trying to explain why they’re flagging your words, maybe you should listen to them.

i’m japanese and which means i have flags for so many innocuous things. when people approach me with the words cute or quiet or small or comment on my hair or mention anime or mention even the most mundane part of my culture like ramen or sushi, my ears prick up. it’s a defense mechanism, all of these seemingly innocent things are things that have been used to fetishize or ostracize me, have been used to hurt me or place me beneath, i have flags on them for good reason, to protect myself. so people may not know why it feels weird to me when they use certain language around and about me, so i’ll literally tell them. it’s strange how many people i’ve known that have immediately put up their defenses because they thought i was calling them evil for saying something so innocent rather than listen to my lived experience of how this language has been used against me and why i prefer different language. it’s so strange how many queer white people i know who are amenable to my pronouns but aren’t amenable to the language i prefer to address me based on my experience being the race i am.

idk i guess the thesis of this is you’re not evil but also maybe listen to the people who are telling you there’s hurt beneath your words even if you don’t know it’s there.

[dekusleftsock]

I think that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what exactly is…happening with Izuku’s character. Specifically in regards to chapter 425.

I’m glad that a lot more people generally recognize that Izuku is not a character that can be read at a surface level, given that he’s both a repressed person with built up emotion of basically everything and also a very glaringly HUGELY unreliable narrator, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with the ways I’ve seen this most recent chapter spoken about.

I see posts, comments, etc with ideas like “Izuku don’t suppress your emotions! Open up with people! It’ll be okay I promise!” When that’s fundamentally not what is happening here.

There’s always always ALWAYS been a distinct difference in character throughout horikoshi’s writing when he is showing that a character is:

A—Avoiding emotions, thoughts, ideas less than ideal for them. Not opening up when they probably should about their problems given that they’ve been handed the space to do so. Just genuinely not acknowledging, feeling, or expressing emotions that they don’t want.

B—Reflecting on the ways they feel about the world, themselves, or other people given their new perspective on a situation. Not outright reaching out to others to talk about these problems/feelings, but instead waiting until the moment they feel they have the most confidence to do so with their new outlook on their own life.

And genuinely, guys, to grab your BkDk attention rn, this is the exact reason why Ochako’s reflection on her feelings for Izuku and thereafter decision to pull away from them WAS NEVER GOING TO END IN OCHAKO EXPLODING WITH HER LOVE FOR HIM.

This was another common interpretation I saw of Ochako and Izuocha for a long time. That because she pushed these feelings away, they were somehow going to explode in this unbelievable way and she would “get the boy” because of it. That her arc would surround accepting her romantic feelings and that she can’t just push away how she feels for a career.

But yk. That didn’t happen. At all. Nowhere close even.

The same kind of goes for Katsuki, allmight, etc. They all had moments in their arc where it was spent genuinely reflecting, and the only reason we as the audience never connected it in the same ways we do ochako or Izuku was ALWAYS BECAUSE the narrative showed their inner thoughts while doing so (mostly because Allmight’s arc after losing OFA and Katsuki’s arc on what it means to be a hero were so intrinsically tied, both starting at the same time and ending at the same time during the final war. And because they were so tied this caused their own reflections, development, and thought process to be broadcasted to us frequently throughout their arcs… to each other. They also somewhat shared aspects with Izuku, but these were cherry picked more often than not, like dvk2 for example).

To us Katsuki never seemed to be.. idk, suppressing his anger in any way because we were always told what he was doing and why (side note: this is why I’ve always thought arguments against Katsuki were so weird, bc unlike characters like endeavor or Ochako he wasn’t like… hiding who he was and how he was changing. Ever. Like the audience knows at all times past basically season 3 what Katsuki is thinking and doing. Like how do you watch this happen, stare me dead in the eye, and tell me how much of a terrible and awful teenage boy he is. Like damn I didn’t think we were this dumb. This is also my theory as to why he’s most popular, his arc is very… in your face if that makes sense). Katsuki’s entire mini arc on reflecting his mistakes and his childhood and his future is spent TELLING YOU that it’s what he’s doing. (I’m referring mostly to the endeavor internship arc, the provisional license exam makeup, and basically everything in the war arc related to him leading up to bakugou Katsuki rising here)

And see, Horikoshi will stare you dead in the eye, tell you “this girl has taken into consideration that she doesn’t want to waste her time training her career focusing on a boy because he kinda caught her fancy”, and y’all will still say that this will explode in her face.

Y’all this is a series about learning how to manage emotions, maturity in relationship to one’s emotions, how to feel an emotion, but in a way that is helpful. Horikoshi isn’t telling you “go buck wild, feel everything all the time and always express it”, in fact he explores why you DONT do that! Through Toga or Shigaraki, they show how grief and anger can genuinely consume you. But he also shows why you shouldn’t just put everything in a box to never look at or acknowledge, or why you shouldn’t just let your grief destroy the world around you, or pretending that some emotions simply don’t exist.

I can’t say this enough, so let me say it now, mha is about the extremes of your psyche. That you should control something, but not too much. Everything can be harmful. Everything can be good.

Izuku is not controlling too much, he’s expressing just enough.

I LOVE shaming this dickhead at all times in all my posts. I love saying he’s an ignorant dipshit with a weird amount of distaste for a girl who just confessed to him. I’ve joked that chapter 348 is basically an entire chapter spent on Izuku calling Himiko a mean dyke. And yet I also believe he’s doing nothing WRONG here.

In fact, I’ll even say that this moment right here?

ISNT EVEN IZUKU DOING THE SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE THING ABOUT IT! But he’s still TRYING to reach out to someone he thinks MIGHT be able to understand. (And frankly, this moment is far deeper than what it’s being made out to be, to me it reads more like an unrequited friendship that Izuku both desires and has thought of them to have, while simultaneously showing the distance Ochako has successfully wedged between them for her own sake. Maybe it was always there though, maybe in weird, miscommunicated Horikoshi fashion, this is a representation of how Ochako always read all those “fun friend hangouts” as a little more than that, and without those feelings the friendship never really held any substance to her in the first place. Where Izuku saw his first real friend at UA, she saw little more than acquaintance)

Simultaneously, Izuku is genuinely reflecting on what it means for the world to change, to be a hero, to live after loss—and trying and failing to gain the connection he desires from individuals who can not and will not afford him that.

Izuku is ready for the world to change, a few select characters are also ready for the world to change (mirio, for example), but not nearly enough are. So maybe I’ll have to take this back if I’m proven wrong and I accidentally looked into this far past what everyone else did for no reason, but I genuinely believe with moments like this

And this

Aand this

That Izuku has come forward with that aspect of his character development. He’s reflecting on his new beliefs, not repressing his emotions for them.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 10 thoughts

WHEW!!! another rollercoaster of an episode tonight!!!

without further ado, please buckle up and get comfortable while i walk you through everything in excruciating detail. and below, i shall copy and paste my notes.

oh man, back for part TWO. i need to prepare myself. but honestly, can you do such a thing?! it’s debatable! you can only do the best you can. and after yesterday, i’m expecting some further big feelings. so we must keep our delaying brief. 

so i have some popcorn, and now we’re gonna get into it.

(wait. i see this episode is titled “731”. so i made that sort of disclaimer last night about needing to gather my thoughts on that being used in this show but i assume it’ll dive more into it today. so i guess just… keep that in mind? i try to be as articulate as i can when handling sensitive subject matter, but there are some things i know i’m not the most qualified to speak on)

but okay. jump in for real and i’ll try not to get too academic. 

oh we get another “previously on the x files”!! a recap!!! how special!!! and now we remember how high the stakes are. 

back in west virginia. at a gate. OH! this truck is just driving through that closed gate. well! that was abrupt. no care for property here in WV. we see that this is a disease research facility.

a lot of men with guns and disembarking into the facility and we hear a soft mewing… sort of how i’d imagine an alien cat tells you it is hungry?? are there more aliens here today?

no! it’s a man, not an alien, who emerges from a trap door.

JUST KIDDING!! THERE ARE ALIENS BEING LOADED INTO THE TRUCKS. so my alien noise detectors (ears) are in proper working order. 

(author’s note: or… are they aliens? it’s cast into doubt after the end of the episode, but for the sake of the LIVE nature of this liveblog, i will keep my original notes)

now i’m conflicted here, because these aliens look real small and sad, but if they’re behind what is being done to scully, they need to be punished. but it also seems that after last episode, it is the HUMANS who are doing the evil things. so how evil are these critters?

oh… i don’t like their fingers. 

the man is running up to the rest of the aliens, who are being taken into a clearing. oh no… not looking good for them.

and we see the man has a very distinctive face… hmm

alien execution by fire squad? noooo!!! this is exactly what happens. the soldiers seem to check that they’re dead and walk away. wtf??? do bullets work on aliens? i guess??

theme music plays as i type frantically. but i look up JUST IN TIME TO SEE THAT TODAY’S WORDS ARE DIFFERENT! “APOLOGY IS POLICY” HUH?

apology is policy… i feel like the government is really bad at apologizing for stuff though. so??

scully on the phone. mulder on the train.

scully wants to know what is on that train but x says it doesn’t matter. well not sure if you get to make that call!

SCULLY PULLS A GUN ON HIM!!! but he disarms her quickly. omg she is NOT playing around!! 

OH HE BROUGHT HER SISTER INTO THIS??? WHAT THE HELL???? X READ THE ROOM??

okay, that was uncalled for, but he says that if she wants to know what is on that train and who killed her sister, to figure out what they put in her neck…… he says it holds more than he could ever tell her. and then. he gives her the gun back and leaves. such an interesting dynamic between this dude and the agents.

SCULLY WHY DO THEY MAKE YOU SUFFER?

mulder trying to get into the train. still hanging on. and he finally found a way in!

looks at a sign that says quarantine and then tries to get into it lmaoooo. alas, he cannot.

so he goes to someone on the train and pulls the federal agent card, but the guy says he can’t help him. but a particular japanese doctor on board might be able to, dr. shiro zama. okayyyy are we getting somewhere????

mulder has a lot of confidence getting into these situations. so he takes the conductor to the dr. shiro zama’s room and says unlock the damn door.  and his room is…. empty??? is the conductor in on this. i’m suspicious.

he finds a suitcase full of writing though, and asks “why did i study french in high school”

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! HE STUDIED FRENCH IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!! EXCELLENT!!!! CHEERING AND YELLING!!!

mulder says that if the conductor finds the doctor before he does to make him lie on the ground and hold him at gunpoint. so he’s showing the conductor how to use a gun. and he says he’s never used one before but again i am suspicious!!

back to the fbi. chip from scully’s neck analysis time. it seems to be… collecting information as if they are memories? and could even tell you A PERSON’S EVERY THOUGHT. she seems to be terrified. i would be too.

the chip guy says he found the name of the manufacturer!!! he destroyed the chip but he found the name!!! big shoutout to chip guy. 

AND THE CHIP WAS SENT TO DR. SHIRO ZAMA!!!

she’s touched and grabs his arm and this guy clearly has a crush on scully but like 1. same and 2. if it gets her life saving information idgaf

back on the train. we see the guy who killed all the other doctors last episode!!! and he’s going after who is presumably this episode’s doctor. henceforth he shall be referred to as “the strangler”

he gets dr. zama in a bathroom just as mulder walks by and seems to miss whatever is going down in there, which i assume is murder.

okay a car is pulling up in west virginia. IT’S SCULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! with a flashlight at night. and people are running out of the disease building!!! where are they going….

this is spoooooky. very dark and quiet and just a flashlight and a dream here. but something is under the floorboards!!!! is it the guy from the start of the episode??? she is no fool, she sees him. AND A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE DOWN THERE??? begging not to be hurt. HELLO??? THERE ARE MULTIPLES???

mulder back on the train. sleuthing. finds the dead doctor!!! straight up STRANGLED. a woman screams that he’s dead but mulder is like “no he’s sick :)” and pats her kid’s head and smiles <- LMAOOOOOOO i knew this man did improv in high school

back to the disease facility. scully wants to know who these people under the floorboards are, and says she won’t hurt them and that she is an fbi agent, which is the truth, but possibly not the most reassuring answer. they live here!! 

she puts together that this place used to be a leper colony but it isn’t anymore. so they just left these people there? :(

they say dr. zama “isn’t here anymore” SO HE WAS, AT ONE POINT, HERE?

THESE PEOPLE ARE HIDING FROM “THE DEATH SQUADS” HUH??? scully is deeply confused. but they explain that hundreds have been killed.

she’s like, i thought leprosy was curable, and he says yeah, but we were disfigured before treatment arrived so they kept us out here :( this is so sad!!!

and the others had the “hansen’s deformities” (i do not know what this refers to sorry but we can google later) and he says dr. zama would BURN them. horrific human experimentation!!!!

so he leads her to the execution site from the start of the episode. and it is an open pit of what looks like, to me, aliens. it’s horrific. and he says there are more. it’s really really sad. like i can’t explain how sad it is. 

and just as they do that, a helicopter arrives and shines a light on them both! i realize we don’t even know that gentleman’s name :(

scully is hiding in the woods but people with guns are running in and have surrounded her. they say “move and you’re dead” AND WE HEAR GUNSHOTS IN THE DISTANCE!!! NOOO… WHAT ABOUT OUR UNNAMED FELLOW???

mulder says not to stop the train until he finds the killer and i’m like okaaaay this is freaky. he is really hoping the conductor isn’t evil. but the quarantine door is unlocked!!! so he goes in. hopefully not to contract a scary disease. and he looks in the back AND SEES AN ALIEN!!! ALIVE!!!

but then the strangler comes to kill him!!! he starts to strangle him until the conductor comes him with his (empty) gun!!! the strangler says he’s a “law enforcement officer” which um. okay.

the conductor locks this “law enforcement officer” in the quarantine car with mulder. and poor mulder is covered in marks around his neck from the strangling :(

strangler claims he works for the NSA. and that there is a bomb on the train. because of the back room alien. and he says anything could make the weapon blow up.

is he bluffing??? 

scully in custody. some guy wants to speak with her alone and he knows her name. HE SAYS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT HER??

he says this was a place where society sent its monsters to live in isolation. and that the people here were all victims of Zama. OKAY BUT ANSWER WHY YOU KNOW HER… WERE YOU THE FREAK PUTTING STUFF IN HER NECK??? so is this whole ordeal with scully and the others in allentown zama’s fault??? and THIS guy who was talking to her, he was the one that BROUGHT ZAMA HERE???

oh no, dr. zama began secret evil experimentations… who could have seen this coming when you recruited the guy SPECIFICALLY for his past secret evil experiments? truly no one! /s

this guy says he wants to show her something. ummm who is this guy and also what is he doing and why? because i want to throw hands. 

back on the train. the conductor asks if he should pry open the door. and the strangler has the keycard. and he claims to have a code, but if they use the code again it’ll set “the bomb” off. 

mulder doesn’t buy it and starts to put the code in. but a phone starts ringing. it’s the strangler’s. he says the phone call is for him. can we put it on speaker. 

OKAY SO. THE GUY WHO IS BEING WEIRD AND HAS SCULLY IS NAMED “ELDER”. shoutout to closed captions. 

anyway, she is on the phone and says that whatever is on that train isn’t actually alien. and that the people he was experimenting on were homeless, subjected to diseases and radiation. so he goes to check and see if the “alien” in the secret room really looks like a alien.

hmm… i find this hard to believe and am curious as to why scully claims to buy it. unless elder is forcing her to say these things….

she answers this very question by saying that SHE HAS BEEN IN THIS CAR BEFORE. WHEN THEY WERE EXPERIMENTING ON HER. NOOOO SCULLY :(

she says there is no alien abduction, and it’s a smokescreen for the government to experiment on people. and the “UFO” he saw was NOT a UFO, but a russian submarine. hmm not sure i’m buying that…

OH??? TWO WEEKS AGO the president made a public apology for secret radiation tests?? (are we still in bill era for s3 or has it transitioned to george bush town? i honesty can’t tell when this season dropped. need to look up radiation apologies)

and she says that there is a BOMB in the car as the strangler said, and the test subject/alien in the back was exposed to an awful fever, and if it blows up, a ton of people will be exposed. huh… who IS this dude trapped back there?

she says there is a ventilation grid, and the timer to the bomb is hidden inside. so the strangler opens it.  and yes! there is a bomb!!! with a little under 2 hours left!!!!!!

she says that they need to get the train to stop so a bomb squad can get out there, but he PRETENDS THE CALL IS BREAKING UP!!! and he hangs up!!!! what a traitor, thinking he can use his own smarts to get out of this! what an ego or a blind optimism this man has!

SCULLY :( why does she have to suffer in such ways… now she can’t reach her friend on the train that is about to blow up….

mulder says to reroute the train to the least populated area and unhook the car…. OMG???? WHAT IS HE PLANNING??

doing that thing where people move the train tracks. so cool. and they unhook the car they’re in!

the strangler is on the floor but he sees a scalpel…. what is HE planning…. 

scully is speeding home. “scully, let me tell you, you haven’t seen america til you’ve seen it from a train” “DAMN IT MULDER, WHAT HAPPENED” <- LMAOOOOOO, line delivered by man whose coping mechanism is Quips

he says that if what HE thinks is on that train is in there, they’ll get him out. she says if what SHE thinks is on that train, they’ll let ‘em blow up. 

mulder is asking the strangler what the hell is going on. and when he is giving smarmy looks instead of an answer, mulder says that he’ll shoot him in the stomach, which is THE MOST PAINFUL AND SLOWEST WAY TO DIE. OH. HE MEANS BUSINESS!

so the strangler says this creature on the train is a weapon. and that dr. zama was trying to find something immune to radiation and biological warfare. and mulder pulls out the “alien-human hybrid” card… but the strangler is like, well if that were true, wouldn’t someone have come to save it by now… UGH, SO WHAT IS THE TRUTH?

scully in mulder’s apartment. searching through his things. his journal. calling a number? CALLING THE SENATOR?!

we learn mulder’s number is 555-0199. so that’s some useless information for ya but maybe it’ll help you sweep trivia night. and she puts the tape X up! just bites the tape right off to cut it. love that for her. 

watching the autopsy again. and she winces, possibly realizing that she is seeing what was done to her. 

SHE SEES DR. ZAMA ENTERING A CODE IN THE VIDEO!!! carefully going frame by frame to figure out each number. whilst the strangler smirks from behind. possibly with the weapon…

she can’t fully see the last number though!! and it works!!!!

BUT THE STRANGLER!!!! HE ATTACKS!!!!!

BUT THEN HE GETS SHOT!!!!

is that…. X?????? (he has kinda like almost bell bottom looking pants but it could also maybe be skinner?)

MULDER’S FACE IS COVERED IN BLOOD!!! AND IT IS X!!! HE SEES THERE IS ONLY A MINUTE LEFT ON THE BOMB TIMER. what is he doing???! going to the creature in the back?!! is he gonna let it get blown up……… 

X is carrying mulder like a rag doll and it IS FUNNY LMAOOOO it’s kinda cute…… they’re getting out of there RIGHT AS THE CAR BLOWS UP!!!!

so was that an alien?? was it a plague bearing human??? will mulder now be exposed to plague?? WHAT IS THE TRUTH???

time skip to a week later. mulder is making calls to try and figure out what happened to the car and his face :( it’s all beat up :(

and senator matheson isn’t returning his calls…

she has a briefcase from the train but it ISN’T THE RIGHT ONE!!!!

scully says that mulder is doing the government’s work for them, chasing aliens that aren’t there to help cover a shameful story. AND SHE SAYS “APOLOGY HAS BECOME POLICY!!”

he says he wants them held accountable for what DID happen, he wants an apology for the truth, and he looks like he is gonna cry. their disagreements make me sad because they want the same thing, but i see her point…

so someone is translating a journal written in japanese… is it the OG or the fake?

GASP!!! CIG MAN IS WATCHING THE TRANSLATION PROCESS!!!

OMGGGG a million thoughts.

i really liked this episode in terms of plot. i thought we were steering straight into alien territory after the last episode, but they’re giving us more non-alien explanations that are honestly pretty damn believable. i mean, i don’t know what the results of inventive radiation torture would make a human being look like, but maybe it could look like what we assume an alien to be? OR it could be a hybrid of both stories, there’s experimentation going on with vulnerable people AND aliens are involved. 

and the reveal that scully was tested on by people- man!!! on the one hand, how horrific to learn this for a person whose greatest fear is the evil humans can create. but on the other hand, it was human, not alien, so there should be an explanation that could make sense. even if the answers are being hidden, she can try and find them. but again, how terrifying to know humans do this to fellow humans.

they’re fighting a bit at the end, because they have entirely different interpretations on what is going on, and their own individual reasoning and experience that backs their thoughts up, and it’s so deeply personal for both of them. but they want the same thing. i want to make them sit down and say that they are approaching the same problem from two different angles!! and that is okay!!! 

sighs. mulder, willing to gamble his life for a creature that could be an alien, could be a bio weapon, could be anything, but if it keeps people safe he will risk anything for it. anything for the truth.

and x showing up in the nick of time, hauling him out, saving him… after all the fights they’ve gotten into, x risking his life just to sneak him information, but never telling him enough… no matter how many times they come to blows he still showed up, dragged him away from the bomb, killed his attacker… truly, what is this dude’s motive? what is his job? whose side is he on? i would bet there is no consistant side for him, just a paycheck. 

omg. so the terrible things being done to scully are being done by humans… it doesn’t explain everything (and i don’t buy either of their stories fully) but how juicy. how terrible for scully, but juicy for a viewer of the plot.

but if they WERE experimenting on people who were homeless or otherwise vulnerable as she claimed, why on earth would they pick her? her absence was noted, her job was prominent, it’s not like she was scooped off the street. and duane barry had to bring her to where she was taken. also, duane was the only guy that we know of that was taken… maybe they were taken by different groups?? different experiments going on?? maybe one was taken by aliens and the other by people??? maybe they’re lying about only taking people who were already vulnerable, and will take anyone for sample size? man. i have so many questions. but i LIKE that. i like having mystery and a big conspiracy to try and crack, even if you run into a million endless snakes biting their own tails. nothing explains everything.

what was cig guy doing!!! and who made the chip that was in scully!! and who really sent the strangler!! and what was that creature!! why did “elder” know scully!!!

i think that the government doing awful evil things is a lot more compelling to me than an outside alien force. and sure, both can work together, don’t get me wrong, because we know aliens exist in SOME capacity after the whole poisonous gas blood and endless clones of that one lady pretending to be samantha from last season, but it’s an infinite universe, there are probably a ton of alien species. maybe the clones were one and these guys are another. 

the point i was trying to get at was this: i think the government doing evil stuff is compelling. but i’m torn on the use of real human suffering as a story building element. the things committed by unit 731 were unspeakably horrific, beyond description. but that really happened, to REAL human beings, not characters on a screen. to use that suffering and build off it it, to incorporate that into fiction is… troubling to me.

and this isn’t exclusive to the x files by any means, there are other stories that take the human experimentation that was actually done to real people in WW2 and imposes it/expands upon it in fictional contexts- but i feel a sense of… like, these things were truly real and horrible, and using them as a jumping off point feels… maybe trivializing is the word? they’re treated in the show as awful, horrible things, but they’re expanded upon in a fantastical manner that almost makes it feel like the real horrible things that happened weren’t horrific enough. idk, i’d be interested in hearing thoughts on the subject. 

but i feel that if i want to expand upon that at length, it would be best to do it in its own post. as is my rule with things that are too serious for just one post. 

(to be clear, i’m not critiquing the episode, which was well done and performed and had me at the edge of my seat. i’m raising a question about the ethics of the writing itself and if using that real horror as a jumping off point is a morally sound thing to do. feel free to chime in, you don’t have to make a huge think piece or anything, just wondering if that crossed anyone else’s mind)

morality of the plot points set aside to discuss for another day, this episode was another banger. i was at the edge of my seat and KEPT pausing to take notes lmao. i would get one thing down and ANOTHER WOULD HAPPEN! the pacing was great, i was sad to see our agents separated but isn’t there something wonderful about a phone call connecting them despite the distance? i feel that we are getting closer and closer looks into what drives them, what their essential differences are despite their commitment to figure out what is going on and their mutual skin in the game. i just don’t want them to argueeee :( my babies :(

wow! that was a lot to say, and i’m sleepy, so i best end here before i am tempted to develop all the lore into course content that i subject my friends to.

[why-the-heck-not]

my thesis advisor asking me to send them my current draft, and me suddenly realizing I somehow haven’t written a single fucking sentence in 2 weeks, dudes it’s a pr nightmare (been hella unproductive the past weeks idk what tf happened)

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

I’m not gonna take melatonin tonight :(

[reikunrei]

oh nervous nervous nervous nervous!!!

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

(never) give me what you’ve got, I’ll take you for all that you have

it’s never been easier or harder to use someone else’s words

how easy it can be(come) so complicated to rest in someone else’s dreams

how can I not explain it when someone else who doesn’t know me can

(someone i’ve never met can somehow still write me best)

it’s like there’s a well inside me waiting to be unlocked

but i can’t twist the key or the words with my own hand

i can never be satisfied with what comes from me but i fall in love with nearly everything else i see

i’ll always be second (to last) best

~ Love yoU (best for your broken heart)

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

.

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

so much been happening past few weeks haven’t been able to process anything and i’m just so close to a huge meltdown my four modes rn are dissociate, depression, hyperfocus, or overstimulated

[autopsytableromance]

You can just. Take breaks. Did y’all know that. Did you know it doesn’t have to be none stop

[unknownarmageddon]

daily hozier!!!

yeahhh hozier!!! yippee yippee

[saturnsuv]

so at what point does the relationship anxiety go away

[godblooded]

gender euphoria series ft. my brand new retro devils tee and my nose i legitimately gashed open by bashing it against my dresser by total accident.

[kimtaegis]

finished about 80% of a comp of this run bts special but you know what. no lol

[floweredhalo]

.

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

hey. hey body. am i a fucking joke to you.

(tmi body talk in tags)