#laughs in sad irony

[medievill]

one of the things that struck me the hardest throughout all of season 2 is how much older Ed looks. and my immediate thoughts were

maybe it's coincidental. time has passed; actors age; characters age.

maybe it's intentional. hair/makeup emphasizing how hard those ~3 Stede-less months were on Ed.

but then I started to see these metas about how season 1 was Romantic, and season 2 was Realistic. how the flashback scenes were so frequently not the actual season 1 footage replayed, but fully different shots (looking at you, original "you wear fine things well"). their on-deck kiss was under a gibbous moon, not a full one. Stede's in the last vestiges of a cursed suit and Ed's in a repurposed burlap sack. they've argued; they've hurt each other; they've begun to re-learn each other.

so maybe it's a not-so-secret third thing: he hasn't aged overly much in their time apart, he just actually looks the way he is. Ed's knocking up on 50. he's never had a safe space in his life. he's spent his life under the glaring sun, buffeted by salted wind and salted waves. he drinks, smokes, snorts rhino horn. he's running from every navy in the Atlantic; if he's caught, he's dead. he can't even fully trust or relax around his first mate. he's got PTSD. depression. probably anxiety. he lives with the incapacitating guilt of having murdered his father in order to protect himself and his mother. he's constantly masking. he's never had any real friends until he meets Stede.

romantic relationships can only be successful when you stop viewing your partner, your situation, through rose-colored glasses. when you acknowledge hardship and baggage and imperfections. if you don't look at your relationship in the realistic context of Life™️, it's going to fall apart. and if you don't look at your partner in the realistic context of Life™️, you can't really know them.

[dementedspeedster]

Thad is this you cause I’ve some weird ass dreams lately

@1mpulsee

Thad grimaces at the screenshot Bart's showed him, "Eugh. Ew. First off," He raises his pointer finger, "No. Just no. I'm not a freak like that. I'm not that concerned with you. If I wanted to terrorize your mind, I'd do it the good old fashioned way: Psychological warfare and making you believe that everyone hates you more than you already do probably."

Thad raises a second finger, "That sounds like a freaky and sad little 'you' problem. And that you're obsessed with me. So stop that. Cause I don't dream of you."

[theshadowrealmitself]

Lkhgfshgfd So that last post was making me think about how I used to have a court-mandated therapist that would come to my house as a kid and help me with abandonment issues (wasn’t raised by my parents, long story)

And then one day, she stopped coming, and to this day I still have no idea if it was because they decided I didn’t need anymore sessions (not true, abandonment issues still strong) or if because she was only ever scheduled for a specific amount of meetings

And it just fucking hit me that having another person I was attached to suddenly leave, never come back, and never explain why probably didn’t help with my abandonment issues at all 😭😭😭

[lesbiancolumbo]

i am once again begging for marilyn to get the red comet: the short life and blazing art of sylvia plath by heather clark treatment!

[yuujispinkhair]

sukuna who's over heels with y/n, but y/n is stupidly in love with yuuji who is falling in love with megumi?!

Omggg I love this!!!! Thank you for sending me this 💗

Modern!Sukuna x Reader (female)

Fluff. Hurt & Comfort. Friends to lovers. 2k words. Unrequited love/pining in the beginning. Sukuna and Reader get their happy end (Yuuji gets his happy end with Megumi). Mentions of cigarettes + alcohol. All characters are of age. Minors don't interact. Divider @/benkeibear

Sukuna can only shake his head at the irony. He is in love. He is fucking in love for the first time in his life, and of course, it has to be someone he cannot have! Out of everyone at this stupid college, it has to be the girl who likes his brother!

If it were any other guy, Sukuna wouldn't give a fuck and just flirt like hell with the girl he wants and give his best to steal her away from that other guy. But the problem is that Itadori Sukuna might be an asshole, but he isn't the type of asshole that would steal his brother's girl.

So Sukuna swallows down his heartbreak and forces himself to hold back, refusing to stand in the way of his baby brother's happiness. Sukuna might only be three minutes older, but he is still the big bro, still the one who sees it as his responsibility to look after his "little" brother. And Yuuji deserves it. He deserves a girl like you. He deserves your love. Sukuna will stay strong. He can do it.

But what Sukuna didn't take into account is how completely oblivious his brother is to your feelings.

You follow Yuuji around like a lost puppy, giving him hearteyes, practically swooning anytime he smiles his sunshine smile, hanging on his lips when he talks about his movie-directing classes and his new favorite TV show. But Yuuji doesn't seem to notice. And it makes Sukuna so mad! It drives him crazy! He almost spits his drink out when his brother gives you a high five and calls you "bro".

Sukuna feels sick to his stomach when he watches you wring your hands and shyly ask Yuuji if he maybe wants to go to the cinema with you to see the newest Human Earthworm movie. That super trashy horror series that Yuuji is always gushing about, which Sukuna is 99% sure you don't really like but only want to endure for the boy you have a big crush on.

But Sukuna's oblivious idiot of a brother just laughs and nods, happy that someone shares his taste, and totally misses the point,

"Yes, that's perfect! Let's also ask Megumi and Nobara to join us! Let's all go together! It will be so much fun!"

Sukuna thinks he can not only feel his own heart ache but also yours as he sees your face fall even while you force yourself to nod bravely and smile a sad smile at Yuuji.

It takes everything in Sukuna not to say something. But his restraint only lasts until he is alone with his brother. The moment the others have left, he shoves Yuuji into the wall, grabs his collar, and growls at him,

"You are so fucking dumb, brat! I would give anything to be in your shoes, but you don't even see that she wants you!"

And Yuuji blinks at him, all big eyes and completely confused,

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Sukuna lets go of Yuuji, slumping against the wall next to him, sighing and explaining the situation to him. How Sukuna likes you, and how you like Yuuji, and how everything is such a mess, and how much he hates it, especially when his little brother is too blind to see what he could have!

"Now you know, brat. Go, get her. Just don't rub it in my face, ok? I'll stay away as much as possible."

Sukuna pushes himself off the wall, about to run away and hide in some dark corner or maybe find someone to fuck and distract him from all this shit. But to his utter surprise, Yuuji's hand darts out and grabs Sukuna's sleeve.

"Wait, Kuna! I don't even have those kinds of feelings for her! There is... um... well, there is actually someone else I like."

He stands there, scratching his neck, looking sheepishly at Sukuna and blushing a bit as Sukuna stares at him with question marks in his eyes.

"Who??"

"Um, he has black hair and likes dogs and... ah shit."

And Sukuna can't help it. He bursts out laughing, doubling over because this is just so fucking dumb and messy and getting more complicated every second, and he probably should have known!

"Damn, brat, that really sounds like you! Falling for your best friend!"

In the end, Sukuna plays matchmaker for Yuuji and Megumi. It's easy, considering the way Fushiguro has been looking at Yuuji since the first day he met him. And yeah, Sukuna is not only doing it because he loves his baby brother but also because of selfish reasons. Because it means you will have to let go of your crush on Yuuji. Not that Sukuna thinks you will turn to him, but at least he won't have to watch you date his brother and pretend he doesn't care!

It feels like someone is stabbing Sukuna's heart when he watches your face twist in pain at the next party when you see Yuuji walking into the room with Megumi's hand in his.

But it will be fine! After all, Sukuna is here to catch you and mend your broken heart again. As a friend, at least.

He quickly follows you when you leave the room and run towards the backyard. You sit down on the slightly damp grass, and Sukuna joins you, sitting silently next to you while tears run down your cheeks. Sukuna offers you his half-smoked cigarette, and when your eyes meet, he can't help but think that surely you must see the pain in his eyes, too.

He quickly takes a sip from the bottle he is holding to hide the emotions threatening to swallow him while silently cursing himself for following you out here. He misjudged how fucking hard it is to look at you when you are crying. If only Sukuna could just close the distance between you and claim you as his, just kiss all your pain and his pain away.

But of course, he knows it would be too soon. For once in his life, Sukuna doesn't just want to be a one-night stand or a rebound or a revenge fuck or whatever. For once in his life, he wants more. He wants everything.

And so Sukuna is patient. Just offers you his silent company, his cigarette, his bottle of vodka, and his leather jacket when it gets chilly, and you start to shiver. He offers you his friendship, his protection, and the kind of comfort he can give without fucking you. He drives you home, makes sure you have something to eat and get some sleep.

He bangs on your door three days later when you still haven't come back to campus, calling you a brat and an idiot because it's the only way he knows how to show his worry. But he hopes he's making it better by shoving a vanilla latte and a bag with muffins from your favorite coffee shop into your hands.

Your eyes look puffy from crying, and you seem confused about what he is doing here, but you take the food and coffee from him. And Sukuna smirks at you and refuses to leave when you tell him you look like hell and don't want him to see you like that.

"I don't care, princess. Eat those damn muffins and drink your latte before it gets cold. I didn't stand in line for half an hour for you to just ignore my treats. And by the way, you always look pretty to me."

He stays until you had breakfast and took a shower, coming back to the living area with a soft,

"Thank you, Sukuna. It was nice of you to bring me muffins and coffee."

Sukuna finally leaves, lifting one tattooed hand to casually wave at you as if his heart isn't about to burst because he wants to pull you against his chest and hold you and tell you he can make you happy again.

He skips some of his classes and instead goes to the gym, working out like a madman and beating up a punching bag until he is too exhausted to think about how sad you looked and how fucking much he wants to kiss it better.

He comes back the next day to pick you up and take you to the coffee shop with him, making sure you leave the house and join the living again! It cannot be that you are crying your eyes out in your room all day!

"Stop complaining and get your bratty ass off the couch! It will be good for you to get some fresh air and shit. I am warning you if you don't put on shoes in the next 30 seconds, I will make you walk to the coffee shop in socks!"

Oh yes, Sukuna is good at this. Acting grumpy and playing the asshole while taking care of you and making sure you are ok. And somehow, you are the only one, apart from his brother, who can see right through him because you roll your eyes and laugh softly and tell him that he is the nicest asshole you have ever met.

The two of you fall into a routine where Sukuna picks you up every morning and has breakfast with you before he walks you to your first class. You constantly grow closer, and Sukuna feels his mask slipping more often around you. His typical arrogant smirk softens into a genuine smile. His snide comments turn into compliments. He isn't sure if he is doing it by accident or intentionally. Maybe he is only reacting to the way you act around him.

Because your gaze doesn't follow his brother anymore. Your face doesn't fall when you see Yuuji with Megumi. Your smile doesn't falter when you spot pink hair and realize it's the bad boy twin with the tattoos and not the good boy twin with the sunshine smile. Sukuna even feels like your smile is growing brighter when you look at him.

Could it be?

And he notices more things. Notices how you always sit so close to him now when he is at your dorm and you play video games against each other. How you always laugh at his jokes, no matter how sarcastic they are. Or how you look at him sometimes when you think he doesn't realize it. How your eyes get that dreamy little sparkle when Sukuna is sleepy, and his voice gets low and a bit raspy. How you get goosebumps on your arms when Sukuna puts his hands on your hips to steer you through a crowded room.

A few weeks later, Sukuna finds himself back at the same spot where all those weeks ago, it all began. Sitting next to you in the grass in the small backyard of your friend's dorm, where you cried when Yuuji broke your heart.

But tonight, you aren't crying. Tonight, you are smiling and throwing your head back, laughing at some dry joke Sukuna makes, looking so carefree and happy. Your shoulder is brushing against Sukuna's biceps, and your hand lands on his thigh, giving it a playful smack and staying just a little too long. And Sukuna can't help but say in that low voice, you seem to like so much,

"You are so beautiful."

For a split second, he feels his chest tense up, scared that he fucked everything up. Scared that he got it wrong and you still want his brother. Or maybe some other guy. Scared that you only see Sukuna as a good friend. Or that you only see him the way the whole campus sees him: as that sexy, asshole guy who is only good for casual sex and nothing more.

But then you turn your head to look at him, and Sukuna sees that soft expression in your eyes, the one he used to see on your face when you looked at his brother. But now it is for him, for Sukuna. And he simply knows without you having to spell it out. He knows that things have truly changed.

So, Sukuna decides to do what he wanted to do for a long time.

"I am sorry that you cried the last time we were in this backyard. But I am not sorry for why it happened. My brother is an idiot for not wanting you like that. But I am glad he is an idiot because otherwise, I wouldn't be able to do this..."

And Sukuna puts a hand under your chin, cupping it with a gentleness he didn't know he possessed while looking deeply into your eyes, checking one last time if he really got it right. You look at him with wide eyes, but you smile and nod softly as your gaze travels down to his lips.

And Sukuna sighs and presses his lips gently against yours, kissing you like he never kissed someone before, slow and gentle, as if he is scared you will break or slip through his fingers. A kiss with his eyes closed and his chest filling with a warmth he didn't know until now. A kiss into which Sukuna pours all the secret longing he felt for you for months, all the feelings he tried to hold back for his brother's sake and then for the sake of not fucking things up.

But finally, he doesn't have to hold back anymore. Because you chose him. You chose Sukuna. You are sitting here with him, with your hand in his hair and your lips moving slowly against his, a happy sigh and a soft murmur of his name falling from your lips.

The two of you only stop kissing when Sukuna's head is already spinning from the lack of oxygen. He pulls away only enough to grin at you and stroke your cheek with his thumb. And you smile back at him and whisper,

"I am glad, too, that Yuuji turned me down. Because otherwise I wouldn't have found out that it's his brother who is my perfect match. I wouldn't have found out that you, Itadori Sukuna, are the one I like the most out of everyone."

AAAHHH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 😭😭 Thank you so much for sending me this ask. I see Sukuna + unrequited love/pining and I lose my mind!! It's my weakness and makes me so so soft for him (even more than usual).

I hope you liked this little hurt/comfort story!! Comments and reblogs would be very sweet 💗

[cash-111]

Am I so bad?

Pairing: Theodore Nott x Reader

CW: just some minor hurt-comfort. Friends to lovers. Reader is purely gender neutral except for the fact they have longish hair.

Synopsis: Theo is insecure after you snort at the idea of you being together.

Words: idrk but it’s very short.

A/N: sorry this isn’t very professional or aesthetic, or beta read. It’s my first fic on here, I’ll get the gist eventually.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Would it be so bad?”

Having had your interest peeked, you looked up from the book you were so enthralled by. Theodore laid on your bed, his uniform messy and crumpled from the day’s commotion, looking up at your ceiling.

“Hm? What, Theo?”

Your eyes dropped down on the page again, turning it slowly, almost to savor the feeling of the paper on your fingertips.

“Would it be so bad” He repeated “if we… you know, were to date?” His hands rested on his chest, one of his thumbs smoothing the top of the other in a soothing way.

“What’s this about now?” You said, a playful tone in your voice. “You getting desperate, Teddy?”

His face scrunched up in one of his usual sarcasm-filled smiles, before it straightened into a normal one.

“Be serious for a moment, would you?”

“Okay…” you closed your book on your lap and sat up “So what’s this about?”

He rolled around too so he could face you, consequently scooching up with a few huffs. “Well,” he started “you made a really disgusted, wacky sound when those Hufflepuffs mistook us for a couple”

He gestured, a hint of a shrug. “And, you know, I wanted to know what was up”

You set your book on the table, your eyebrows raised.

“Oh my god. The Theodore Nott feels insecure? Check the date, I need to put this on my calendar!” You gasped jokingly, getting up in a hurry. You laughed as Theo caught your thighs and threw you onto the bed with him.

“I’m not insecure.” he reasoned, quite loudly.

“Mhm” you pursed your lips, trying not to let any more laughter slip, but he caught on and started tickling you as ‘his revenge’.

Once you were begging for him to stop, he finally relented, mumbling a satisfied ‘that’s what you get’.

As you caught your breath, a big grin still on your face, Theo turned away from you, his shoulders slacked.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” You came to rest a hand on his shoulder, your voice softer and worried. In turn, his hand shot up to rest on yours.

“Do you truly, actually, find me sickening?” He smiled, but his eyes were sad and his voice carried that hint of melancholy that let you know he was asking sincerely.

“What? Of course not, Theo.” You squeezed his shoulder in reassurance, and your other hand came to smooth over his back. “You’re the most handsome guy I know. I thought you knew that, that’s why I was making irony earlier” you explained.

He turned his head to look into your eyes. “I’m the most handsome guy you know?” His usual grin finally reclaiming his features.

“Psh, don’t flatter yourself.” you pushed him lightly. “But yes” you returned his grin with one of your own.

“So I do have a chance” he propped himself up more to face your body.

“In your dreams, Ted” you gave him a quick peck on the cheek, before patting his head and going to put up your hair.

He tsked and mumbled to himself. “Nei miei sogni facciamo già molto di più, tesoro” In my dreams we do a lot more already, darling (treasure)

“What was that?” You spoke up, busy looking at your image in the mirror.

“Nothing, nothing…”

[veritasangel]

Giving them the silent treatment

ft. Bokuto, Kuroo, Akaashi, Kita (pt.1 here)

⋆ ˚｡⋆ any pov ୨୧˚ warnings: nsfw in Kuroo's {mdni} ↣ {wc: 1.8k}

↣ I think it should be obvious but to clarify, anytime i write for hq, it's always post-timeskip

Tetsurō Kuroo

He laughs it off

Finds it funny that you resort to silent treatment and definitely teases you for being all moody as you ignore him

This man is 110% a brat tamer (don't argue with me on this)

Kuroo’s eyes sparkle with amusement as he watches where you’re sitting in his office chair, looking mad. “You didn’t have to bring me lunch.” he muses, “Thought you’d be too stroppy to stop by today.” he teases as he closes the door and savours the aroma of food in the air.

An eyebrow raises when you don’t respond, “Oh, we’re still mad at each other, huh?” he tuts a little as he leans against his desk, loosening his tie slightly, ��Thought I fucked the attitude out of you this morning, no? I’d say let’s go for round two but we both know you can’t keep your mouth shut and these walls are way too thin.”

You feel your cheeks heat up as you try to ignore how his words make you feel. You continue to relax comfortably in his chair, occasionally looking up at him, his appearance already slightly dishevelled from the day and you so desperately want to fix the messy strands of his hair that are out of place, but you refrain.

“You’re cute like this… all grumpy.” he smirks as he goes through the lunch you brought him, his favourite. You look like you couldn’t care less but you still came all this way to give him a homemade lunch, he grins at the irony as silence fills the room.

“Oh okay, you’re serious about the silent treatment this time, my bad.” he chuckles half heartedly as he relaxes against his desk, beginning to tuck into his food.

After a few bites, he holds the fork out to you for you to have a taste and as you slowly lean in, he pulls it away, “Gotta' use your words if you want some.”

“But I made it-” you scoff

“Not the words I wanted but it’s a start.” he grins mischievously as you roll your eyes and he can’t help but give in, handing the fork back to you. “I’m sorry sweetheart, forgive me?” he tilts his head at you.

“I forgave you ages ago.”

“Then what the hell was the point in this?” he chuckles as he pulls you in closer to him, putting the lunch to the side momentarily.

You shrug, “Just wanted to annoy you a little more.” a small smirk tugging on your lips and he shakes his head, knowing damn well he’s gonna wipe that smirk off your face before you leave the office.

Kōtarō Bokuto

He gets grumpy when he realises you’re giving him silent treatment.

Pouts about it and acts all sad and mopey.

Tries to make you feel guilty for ignoring him so that you’ll talk.

It was a stupid argument, really, but you were both stressed and it escalated way too quickly. Bokuto brushed it off, but you were feeling so frustrated, you couldn’t help but give him the silent treatment.

Bokuto’s mood plummeted the moment he realised you weren’t responding to anything he said. His usual energetic self was replaced by a mopey, pouty version. He huffs dramatically, hoping you’d hear and take pity on him as he snuck a glance over at you in the car. When that didn’t work, he tried to look even more miserable, if that was even possible. Gave you puppy dog eyes and kept mumbling about how sad it was in the silence.

“It’s such a shame I have nobody to listen to my amazing gossip.” he exclaims, dramatically, his hand coming to rest on your thigh. “Meian and Atsumu have some crazy drama going on…Imagine I had someone to tell it all too-” he sighs.

He missed your voice, your laughter, even your frustrated groans when he teased you too much. This silent treatment was torture as he drove you guys back home.

“Fuck, I’m sorry-” the words come spilling out before you can stop them. It was too hard when he looked as sad as he did. He was like a big teddy bear and it didn’t look right seeing him so dejected. You were frustrated at him but you weren’t heartless.

His eyes widened, the joy practically already returning to his face as you smiled at him, your hand intertwining with his, “Spit it out then.” you try and sound mad but it doesn’t work.

The mood is instantly lifted in the car as he rambles on and on about the drama that happened at practice. Honestly your fight was long forgotten as the two of you gossiped for the entire journey back home. His boisterous grin was back on his face and you felt bad for ignoring him, if only temporarily.

“I’m sorry-” you begin but he cuts you off, squeezing your hand.

“Sshh, doesn’t matter. We don’t even need to think about it, let’s just be happy.” he grins at you, sending a wink your way as he parks the car.

“Pizza for dinner?” you ask.

“God, you’re an awful influence.” he sighs, before quickly nodding, “Pizza. Just don’t tell Hajime.”

Shinsuke Kita

He either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care enough to give you the satisfaction.

Will continue on with the day as if nothing’s different.

You give him silent treatment to annoy him and it backfires because you’re more annoyed that he doesn’t say anything about it.

You were already tucked up in bed when Kita came in from his shower, still getting ready for bed. Honestly you don’t even remember what the argument was about and you always said you’d never go to sleep on one and honestly this was probably more one sided, so you dropped the silence.

You looked over at him, trying not to admire his physique too much as you sighed, “I’m sorry Shin-”

He throws on some sweatpants as he gets into bed beside you, looking completely unphased, you weren’t even sure if he’d heard you, until he finally spoke.

“For what?” he mumbles.

“You know, for being silent with you all day…” you mumble, trailing off as you notice he’s not even looking at you, he’s just looking around the room.

“Had no idea.” He shrugs, eventually looking back at you as a small chuckle leaves him, “So that’s why it was so nice and peaceful today.”

And Kita swears you want to hit him over the head, with the glare you’re now giving him.

He shuffles sheepishly, “Sorry.” Kita mumbles as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you in so that your head’s resting against his chest and you can feel his comforting heartbeat. “Honestly just sorta forgot about our little spat, it was that stupid.”

*Yep, you were definitely in a one sided argument, giving him the silent treatment earlier*

“Really? It got a little heated.”

“It was heated because I was tired and Rin called earlier, pissed me off prior to our disagreement.” He says casually as he runs a hand along your skin, “I’m sorry if I upset you, shouldn’t have let everything get to me.”

“I’m sorry too.” you say softly as you look up at him, his eyes meeting yours, “Sorry for the argument and….maybe for being a little childish afterwards and trying to ignore you.” you mumble the last part quietly.

“You know I don’t care.” he says as he kisses the top of your head, “I mean, you should know this by now. After all this time of being together and you think I care about some ridiculous bickering? Baby, it was the most pointless argument ever. You think we’re even going to remember it 2 days from now? Absolutely not.”

You smile a little, knowing he's right, “I love you.” you whisper as you feel your eyes drifting shut.

“I love you too, idiot.” he says softly.

Keiji Akaashi

It’s definitely not silent treatment after an argument because this man is a green flag in a relationship. But you do it as a little prank to see how he’ll react.

He doesn’t take you seriously at all and knows you can’t ignore him for long.

Just so chill about it honestly.

When he arrived home and you didn’t greet him at the door like usual, he just knew you were trying something today. He tried to engage in brief conversation as he got changed from work but you didn’t budge an inch at his words, so he just laughed, shaking his head before going to have a shower.

“Are you doing one of those stupid trends on me again?” he mumbles as he approaches you after his shower and you squeal because he hasn’t dried off yet so he drips water onto you.

“Oh my bad, guess that breaks the silence, huh?” he teases as he runs a hand through his wet hair.

You shake your head, still refusing to speak.

“What? That absolutely counts, your mouth was open and a noise was emitted.” 

You still don’t give up, making an effort to act as though you’re zipping your mouth shut.

“I can tell you’ve been babysitting all day.”

And you laugh, unable to hold it in because it’s true. You were babysitting his niece and she wanted you to try the prank out on him

“That has to count! That was a full on noise.” he exclaims, smiling at your foolishness as you lean in to give him a quick kiss. You pull away far too quickly for his liking, but he lets it slide.

“Fine, fine, I’ll let you have that one-  But only because I have so much to tell you.”

He grins, knowing you too well, silent treatment never works with you because once he’s home from work, you always have so much to talk about. You’re like Bokuto, you’ll talk for weeks once you get going, he must attract the babblers, he thinks to himself.

“Ah, I gave in too easily, she’ll be mad at me for letting you win.” you groan as you lean into Akaashi,

“I’m sure she’ll survive.” he jokes, hands resting comfortably on your waist. “We could never have kids, you’d be like this all the time.” he croons, resting his chin on your head.

You fake gasp, “You mean you don’t want me doing anymore more stupid pranks?”

He has to take a moment to think about it, a slight smirk appearing, “I suppose I could handle the silent treatment if it made our little one happy.”

“Look at you, getting carried away already, you’ll have to help babysit next time.”

“Mhm, I will...And ’ll make sure to get you back.” he grins, leaning in to kiss you once more.

༄ m.list

© veritasangel ↣ 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘴

[bbangtans]

daybreak | jjk | oneshot teaser

Summary: One of your favorite things to do when you were in your early 20s was stay up late where reflective conversations eventually blurred into nonsense as the sun rose alongside someone you thought you would spend the rest of your days with… Now you’re stuck in New York City for one night due to a delayed flight with that very person standing there in his leather jacket and guitar case in hand across from you at the airport gate. See, fate is a funny thing and Jeon Jungkook could always find the humor in anything.

pairing: rockstar!ex!jk x f!reader genre/tropes: angst, fluff, exes to ???, right person wrong time/second chances, jungkook is so romance film lead coded – charismatic and well-spoken and genuine and ughhhhh i be fawning frrrr, this takes place where both jk and reader are 28ish, jk is a lead singer in a band with tae-jimin-yoongi, and y/n is a working professional rating/warnings: M | alcohol consumption, lots of swearing, semi-public sex, unprotected sex (don’t be all willy nilly with this tho!!!), dig bick jk lmfao, oral (f receiving), heavy petting, multiple orgasms. a/n: inspired by my faaaaaave movie before sunrise bc if there’s anything namjoon and i have in common, it’s that we are yearners 🤝 word count: ~10k POSTED: link

You cursed every cliched metaphor referencing the elusiveness of time… the grains of sand slipping through fingertips, the ticking of clock hands that echo in the back of your head, the passage of breezes, and the eventual rising of the morning sun. 

Jungkook smiled gently, wiping away a tear with his thumb which you didn’t even feel form as it fell down your cheek. “Don’t worry.”

“I just want you to know that I loved being in this moment. Sharing this night with you, that tonight it felt like New York was all ours. I could have never seen its beauty and experienced its magic the way I did with you.” Barely managing through your cries, you gasped for a breath as you tried to make out the next words. “But why did things have to turn out this way?”

The loud caws of the seagulls as they flew over the pier and the cold morning air fell onto forgotten senses as the only thing you could feel was the intensity of Jungkook’s stare on you. From your forehead that he placed a tender kiss upon, to your eyes that mirrored that silent longing his contained, the nose that he nuzzled against his, and chin that he held softly in his rough hand… It was like he was taking a picture of you at that moment. A moment where he was not rockstar Jeon Jungkook, but the Jungkook who always found a way to make you laugh and the Jungkook you dreamed of sharing matching rings with. And you were not the person living too fast for anyone to keep up with, but a person who could find the beauty in anything and the person that Jungkook could write a million and one songs about.

“Shh,” he comforted you as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest. “I really can’t thank you enough for tonight… I’ve never hated to see morning as much as I do now.” He chuckled dryly at the irony of all. 

You pulled back, surprising the man who towered over you. You held his confused face in your hands and smiled. “Me, too. I hope you know that.”

“I do now…” He whispered as though louder words could break the moment before placing a chaste kiss on one of the hands that cupped his face.

“Now what?” Your hands fell from his face and rested on his chest. 

Jungkook sighed in contemplation as he peered past you into the blossoming orange horizon before recentering his eyes on you and grin losing its warmth and being replaced with sadness. “Good morning, I guess.”

The gravity of the situation settled upon you both silently.

“None of that dramatic ‘goodbye’ shit in the morning!” You tipsily pointed at Jungkook with your beer who only laughed at your theatrics as some foam spilled.

Between chuckles, Jungkook was barely able to let out. “Okay, then what do we say at the end? When it’s morning?”

“What people always say at that time – ‘good morning’ and not goodbye. Let’s make it a nice ending for us, I feel like that would do us both justice.” Your gaze was too hazy to see the seriousness that lined his face but he shook it off and plastered his signature smile despite the storm in his heart. “I know it’s a little cheesy, but I don’t want to be sad in those last minutes with you.”

“Okay, we’ll bid each other ‘good morning’ when dawn comes then we go on with the rest of our lives. No sad stuff.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

“Good morning, Jungkook.” No matter how dazzling your smile was, Jungkook could never be distracted from the tears that lined your gorgeous eyes. 

No physical closeness could ever combat the weight of what daybreak meant for you both.

[its-avalon-08]

why did you leave me (cl16)

part2!

multipart story! prev || next

summary : charles and y/n have always been best friends. but y/n has been in love with him forever. when charles starts dating a new girl, out of respect y/n distances herself. but how much is too much?

✦ pairing - charles leclerc x female reader

Y/N sat alone in her room, the soft glow of her laptop screen casting shadows across her face. She had made the decision to distance herself from Charles, but the weight of that choice pressed heavily on her heart. She opened her photo gallery, scrolling through the countless pictures she and Charles had taken over the years.

The first photo she stopped on was one of them as children, covered in mud after a day of playing in the rain. Charles' bright green eyes sparkled with joy, and Y/N's face was lit up with a wide grin. She remembered that day vividly.

"Come on, Y/N! Let's see who can make the biggest splash!" Charles had shouted, his laughter infectious.

They had spent hours running through puddles, completely carefree. Y/N wiped a tear from her cheek, her heart aching with the memory of simpler times.

The next photo was from their high school graduation. Charles had his arm around her, both of them wearing their caps and gowns, faces beaming with pride.

"We did it, Y/N!" he had said, his excitement palpable. "We’re finally free!" He hugged her and spun her around as Y/N giggled.

"Yeah, we are!" she had replied, feeling a mix of happiness and sadness at the thought of their lives changing.

She continued scrolling, each photo bringing back a flood of memories. There was the picture of them at his first major race win, where she had jumped into his arms in celebration. Another showed them sitting by the campfire during their family camping trip, the warmth of the flames reflected in their eyes as they shared stories late into the night.

Tears streamed down Y/N’s face as she relived each moment. Her silent sobs wrecked her delicate frame. She came across a photo from the night they had celebrated her birthday. Charles had surprised her with a cake, a beautiful pendant and they had spent the night dancing and laughing.

"Make a wish, Y/N/N!" he had said, holding the cake in front of her.

She had closed her eyes, silently wishing that they would always stay as close as they were then. The irony of that wish now felt like a cruel twist of fate.

Unable to hold back her emotions any longer, Y/N began to sob openly. The realization of how much she loved Charles and how much she would miss him was overwhelming. She was losing her best friend and it was all her fault. Her tears glistened and she tried to silence herself but all the memories came rushing back. Every hug, every time Charles made Y/N feel loved, every fight, every milestone. Her large golden retriever, Elvis, sensing her distress, jumped onto the bed and nuzzled his head into her lap.

"Oh, Eli," she cried, wrapping her arms around the dog's neck. "I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know how to let him go."

Elvis licked her face, his warm presence offering a small comfort in her despair. Y/N buried her face in his fur, her shoulders shaking with the intensity of her sobs.

"I love him so much, Eli," she whispered. "But I can’t stand the thought of being so close and not being able to tell him. I don't want to hurt their relationship. She is so lovely and he is so happy. They deserve this and here I am, making this about me. But I can't do it. I can't stay close because it just hurts too much."

She looked back at the screen, her vision blurred by tears. The next photo was one Charles had taken of her when she wasn’t looking. She was sitting by the water, lost in thought, with a serene smile on her face.

"He always captured the best moments, Elvis," she said to the empty room, her voice breaking. "He always know how to make me feel special."

Max whined softly, pressing closer to her, and she stroked his fur, finding some solace in his loyalty.

"I wish things could be different," she continued, her voice barely a whisper. "I wish I had the courage to tell him how I feel. But he’s happy with Camille, and I can't ruin that for him."

As she scrolled further, she found the last photo they had taken together, just a few days before he told her about Camille. They were sitting on his couch, watching a movie, their heads leaning against each other. It was the last time things had felt normal, the last time she hadn’t felt the crushing weight of her unspoken love.

"I’ll always cherish these memories Charles," she said, her voice trembling. "But I have to let you go. It’s the only way I can protect my heart."

With a final sob, she closed her laptop and buried her face in Elvis's fur, letting the weight of her decision wash over her. She knew it would take time to heal, but for now, all she could do was grieve the loss of the closeness they once shared.

taglist : @hiireadstuff @starz4me1 @f1fantasys @aundercover @ohthemisssery @ggaslyp1 @hadids-world @matcha---matcha @f1luvUr @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @timmychalametsstuff

[strawberrysainz]

racing in the street. charles leclerc.

“ it’s a dream that has surpassed many others in both of your lives. to win the monaco grand prix - it had evaded him for many years. this year felt different. ”

charles leclerc x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: mentions of alcohol, suggestive themes.

this is a love letter to his win - years and years in the making. ❤️‍🔥

The first time you had known Charles would win in Monaco one day was when you were both seven, in the back of his dad’s car on the way to a friend’s party.

You had passed Mirabeau, and Charles had pointed out the red and white on the ground as you whizzed past.

“One day if I get to-“

“When,” his father had corrected from the front, and Charles had rolled his eyes playfully.

“-when I get to Formula 1, this is going to be very cool to pass by,”

You had nodded briefly - a seven year old’s attention span could only focus on something abstract for so long - and you had paused. “You can win it, right Cha?”

He had shrugged modestly. It was terribly annoying how modest he had been, even back then.

“You can. You win everything you want to win.” You were certain of this, even so many years ago.

Hervé had laughed loudly and you had blushed crimson.

Charles had smiled then, looking out the window, eyes shining with the hope of it all. The look in his eyes had startled you, one of wisdom only an adult could have.

One day in 2017 Lorenzo called you and Charles had staggered out of the hotel bathroom, face white. He had sat there next to you on the bed.

“I lied.”

“What?”

“I told him a few weeks ago I got to F1. So he would be happy knowing I achieved our dream. And I haven’t.”

Tears burned in your eyes.

He had fallen into your embrace, sobs shaking his whole body.

Standing on the top step in Baku three days later, you had stood there below him, crying, his mother on the phone.

You were eating sushi you’d ordered in at his place a few months later, and he’d had a sneakily happy look on his face the whole day.

“What’s up with you?” You’d said with a mouth full of california roll.

“Sauber is giving me a seat for next year.”

You’d broken a glass jumping up and soy sauce had stained both of your shirts as you screamed.

That first Monaco race day in 2018 had been a magical affair, up until the sixth-last lap, when his brakes had failed, spinning him into Brendan Hartley as they approached the Nouvelle Chicane.

You had winced in the garage, and he’d been dejected when he approached you a few hours afterward.

You’d thought of that day passing Mirabeau when you saw him. “Was it as cool as you thought doing it in F1?” You’d said quietly.

Tears had shone in his eyes. “I got to race it. Dad knew I could race it in F1.”

You had nearly choked months later when he’d told you over a glass of wine dipping your toes in the sea that he’d been called by Ferrari.

Shivers had run through you as you thought of Jules, and of Hervé. All they all had ever wanted.

“You know, your dad would have not been prouder. He would have dragged you to Rampoldi to celebrate.”

“Shall we go?” He had asked, and you’d both made the trip back to Monte-Carlo and when you phoned the restaurant in the back of the Uber, they’d said it was full with a little bit of regret.

But when they’d heard Charles was going to be there - oh, they’d all loved him from the beginning - they’d gotten a table for you both near closing time, when everyone was dispersing.

You’d both laughed and cried over the plates of his dad’s favourite ravioli.

Monaco had felt different in 2019, more eyes on him.

He’d started P15. Then on lap 16 - the irony - his puncture due to contact had called him back to the garage.

Pure grief had decorated his face as he got out of the car, shaking his head. Finding you after the Grand Prix, you saw the light dimming from his eyes and gave him the biggest hug you could.

That night you’d both cycled back to his place and sat all night in his kitchen, the dim light doing little to hide his sadness.

2021 was even worse; he’d had no chance to even start, and this time he was angry.

You hadn’t even seen him and had gone to bed when he called up at 2am, drunk, asking for a lift home.

You had gone in your pajama shorts and glasses, and he had sat in the back seat and asked why he always had worser luck here than anywhere else.

You didn’t really have an answer. “I just know one day it’s going to work out for you,” you said softly.

2022 had been spent in his friend’s apartment, watching from their balcony with a cocktail in hand, watching his girlfriend smile on the television.

You’d watched on as disaster had struck, Ferrari making an awful call, sacrificing his P1 for a measly P4.

You’d seen him two days later, out for breakfast, and he had just sighed. “Fucking stupid,” he’d murmured. “I think we have to accept I might never get this.”

That belief of your seven year old self was still strong, cemented in your soul when you shook your head.

In 2023, he’d just been annoyed at sixth place once he came back from the stewards. You’d left the paddock and he’d just gone home, bidding you a good night. As you walked to your apartment, you’d thought of all the nights as teenagers racing on bicycles in the streets.

Monaco would love him back as much as he did it one day. You knew it - deep down, he knew it too.

Well, Saturday in Monaco this year had felt different. He’d oozed confidence all weekend. And you felt different about him.

After he’d broken up with his girlfriend, all you’d been thinking about was him. He had been making unnecessary trips to see you, inviting you to more races than usual.

It had culminated a few months ago in Miami, where things were just different; he had come on the podium, and you had kissed his cheek when you saw him an hour later. You swore he almost moved his face to meet your lips.

You’d both spent the night partying with Lando, the drinks making you both different, dancing sensually, eyes dark. He had kissed your neck, and you’d both realised what the hell you were doing, moving back.

The next time you saw him you both pretended it had never happened.

You hadn’t seen him again until last Sunday, at your place. He’d come for your birthday dinner, handing you a present and flowers with two kisses to your cheeks. You’d blushed amongst all your friends, champagne flowing.

On Wednesday night after a long day of press, he’d come over again. “I have a feeling about the race this year.” You nodded, silently inviting him to expand.

“It feels different. Like I can definitely do it.”

You smiled. “I know you can do it. And you’ve been really strong this year.”

“I was cycling last month through Mirabeau and I really remembered one day when we were walking around there or driving when we were young and you told me you knew I could win.”

“It was when we were driving with your dad.” He’d let out a little sigh.

“I can do it this year for him. And me and Jules and you.”

You’d gotten emotional all of sudden. “I know you can do it, Cha. I’ve always known.”

He hugged you, his body soft and warm against yours in the dark room. You’d wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

Well, he’d got on pole on Saturday, reinforcing his determination and confidence. You’d seen how calm and collected he looked and it had been noticed by nearly everyone. You’d given him a fist bump and he’d grabbed you, hugging you, the smell of his sweat a testament to how badly he wanted it.

You’d gone home after a dinner with the Leclercs (minus him, he had sponsorship engagements to fulfill) and there was the quiet knowledge amongst all of them that this was the year.

Your mom had phoned on Sunday morning, and you spoke about your lives, then about Charles. “I hope he knows how loved he is by all of us. And I know Hervé and Jules are watching on today with the utmost pride.”

You nodded. “I think he does know, mama.”

You had picked out a red dress, short and flowing to accommodate the welcome heat. As you did your makeup, you thought of all the years that had come before, previous versions of yourself that had wanted him so badly to win.

The entire race you’d had stubborn tears in your eyes, blurring your vision. The last two laps you could barely look, too emotional at the thought of even seeing this happen.

Joris had gently guided you up to look again in the room and you just knew Charles was crying too on that last lap. The thought of the little boy in the car staring out at these streets made you wonder how he must be feeling.

All these years of this dream.

He had crossed the finish line and you had erupted into tears, turning into Lorenzo’s chest to take a breath. Later, you’d seen the camera footage of your teary eyes and the glimmer of hope in them as you looked back.

Then everyone had run down to the podium and you were in the second row, all of his team in the front. You saw him jump in slow motion into the air from his car and saw the joy in his steps.

He had jumped into the roar, and didn’t manage to see you but you could tell he was looking. Then he’d done the post race interview and him talking about his dad made you burst out crying again.

Someone had found you and dragged you to the front of the barrier underneath the podium. You must have looked awful. As he walked to the cool down room he cast a look back and your eyes caught his for a fraction of a second before he disappeared.

You had used the five minutes to take big deep breaths, multiple hands grasping you.

Then he’d walked out onto the podium and you saw how Prince Albert had gripped him like a son, tears in his own eyes. And Charles had held up his flag, full of hopes and dreams.

And then you all sang the anthems and then he was given the trophy and you were taking videos and photos as if in a dream.

He’d not seen you again, scanning, but gave up when the attentions of everyone else were cast on him.

You hadn’t caught sight of him again until you were hanging around in the paddock, wondering. Your phone rang and your heart skipped a beat.

“Hello?”

He was breathless and you couldn’t hear him, really, over the sound of the wind.

“Wh-“

“I’m cycling home…”

You had snorted. “Alone?”

“Yeah.”

You had paused.

“I wanted to just think of all the years and moments I raced and rode these streets and prayed I would win here one day. It felt right.”

You had laughed. “I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah, yeah… meet me at home? Then we go out?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

He ended the call. You saw videos of him on TikTok later on the bike on speakerphone and he had grinned as the people drove past him.

You had stopped at your place first, freshening up, and grabbed a bag and a power bank and downed a shot of vodka (to ease the nerves). Putting on heels with the red dress this time, you ordered an Uber to his place. You had used your key to get in and music was blaring when you opened the door. He was shirtless, trying to find an appropriate one.

“Hi,” you smiled.

He had forgotten what he was doing to basically run over and hug you, the force of it nearly knocking you over.

You were in tears again when he pulled away. “Love you,” you whispered, and he smiled. “I’m so proud. I keep thinking of little you.”

“I could never be here without you throughout the years. Never. You have picked me up and glued me back together so many times.”

You let out a small sound of emotion.

“I thought so much of all of you the last laps. I couldn’t see I was so emotional.” He laughed.

“And just all the times you told me you just knew I could do it. And my dad. And Jules. And my mom and brothers. Oh, I want to cry even now!”

You laughed as he ran back to his room to get a shirt.

“But-” he called from the room- “now we have to party like crazy!”

The next morning, you woke up at Arthur’s apartment with a pounding headache and a few missed calls and texts.

Charles 🕺 4:37

Let me know if you got back okay?

Charles 🕺 5:13

I think I’m going home now

Charles 🕺 10:52

I’m going to come pick you up I think Arthur won’t wake until 3pm

You checked the time. 11:04. Getting up from the couch and groaning, you went to the bathroom and pulled your hair into a ponytail, trying to wipe the makeup and finding a disposable toothbrush in his drawer to brush your teeth and the stale smell of tequila away.

You heard his car horn outside and you pulled on your heels that had been thrown on the ground a few meters from the couch. Leaving and letting the door close quietly you walked down the stairs, wincing at every loud noise your high heels made.

He was in his car and thank God there was no one around because you looked crazy. “Hiii,” you said, and he handed you a pair of sunglasses you thought you lost (but clearly just left in his car).

“How’s the race winner doing?” You said, and slid into the seat.

“Incredible,” he said dramatically and his voice was raspy, nearly gone. You laughed and then grasped your head.

Coming out of your bedroom with your hair wrapped in a towel and a crop top and sweatpants, he was making coffee for you both. Finding leftover pasta from Saturday night that Pascale had sent you home with, you heated it up and offered him some. He shook his head.

When you turned around from the microwave with the pasta in hand, he kissed you.

Your eyes widened. He set down the pasta, not breaking the kiss, and hoisted you onto the kitchen counter. You let him open you up, your body leaning into his. Your arms wrapped around his neck and his hand rested underneath your shirt.

“You make me feel so lucky,” he whispered.

Your mouth fell open slightly. “Well, you deserve all of it.”

He did. He did.

omg i just started crying over this stupid fic for the third time. i feel like this encompasses all i feel for him. i hope you feel it. ❤️‍🔥

[silent-stories]

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader

Summary: Astarion fears that he is forcing you to spend the rest of your life in darkness.

Astarion was lying on the bed, next to you, his eyes were staring at an indefinite point on the ceiling and between his eyebrows there were a few more wrinkles, as if he was intensely thinking.

The inn room was comfortable, clean, and scented with lavender. It was nice to finally be able to spend a few days of peace after Cazador's death and sleep in a real bed, next to someone you loved.

You looked at his profile, the curve of his lips, the white curls on the pillow and some falling onto his forehead, the way his chest remained completely still, devoid of a beating heart and air in his lungs.

His ruby ​​eyes looked darker now that they were no longer in daylight and you found yourself thinking that you already missed the way they sparkled when hit by the sun's rays.

You glanced at the window in the room, the curtains were drawn so as not to let in the slightest bit of light, obviously. Ever since Astarion went back to not being able to be in the sunlight, you were always careful about that.

"Is something bothering you, Star?"

You already knew the answer, you knew him, but you didn't want to force any explanation.

"Don't you think you made the wrong choice?" He responded with another question, his voice low.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you think I am the wrong choice?" He continued speaking without looking at you, his pale hands lying one on his stomach and one on his side. You wanted to grab one, kiss his knuckles and play with his fingers in that way that always made him laugh no matter how hard he tried to hold it back.

You decided against it only because he seemed so deep in his thoughts that a sudden touch would start him. You knew that some types of physical contact were still new to him.

"Star-"

"I feel like I'm forcing you to spend the rest of your life in the dark, hiding."

"You're not forcing me, it was my decision to stay with you."

"This is exactly why I ask you: don't you think you made the wrong decision?"

"You will never be-"

He interrupted you.

"I want you to know that if at any moment you realize that this is not the life you want to live, that you are tired of hiding from the sun, I will understand.

And although I may never be ready to let you go, I will, because you deserve to live. You deserve to walk among people, village festivals, going through the markets, you deserve the sun's rays kissing your skin. And I don't want to deprive you of what you deserve, my love. I can't deprive you of living."

The way he spoke and the sincerity in his voice, devoid of any hint of sarcasm and irony, struck you in a way you couldn't quite place and left you speechless.

He was telling you to leave him for your own good.

"As much as I would like to have you next to me for eternity, I find it a too selfish idea. Even for me." He continued, "So I'm telling you, if one day I won't find you lying in bed next to me, don't feel guilty for running away from someone who was limiting you, who was forcing you into the darkness when you wanted to see the world.

I'll understand it. I won't lie and say I won't spend the rest of my days trying in vain to fill the void you left in me, but that won't change my mind. You deserve to live, my love. Not to hide."

He was saying you could go, even though it would cause him pain. That it was more important to know you were happy with someone else than unhappy with him. You wondered if there was a greater sign of love than this.

"My star."

The way you called him, maybe stirred something in him. He turned his head towards you and his gaze finally met yours, his red eyes were big, sad and full of affection.

“I would rather spend the rest of my life in the darkness with you than in the daylight with someone else.”

He slowly moved his body towards you, his hand gently brushing your hip and so you reached out to trace his features with your fingertips, brushing a curl away from his forehead.

You kept talking.

"The world is still alive when the sun goes down, we can go out and live with it. We can see how the moon reflects on the waves of the sea and on the surface of the lakes, we can walk in the woods that only we know, we can try to count the stars and invent new constellations."

His grip around you became firmer but still extremely gentle as he pushed you closer to his body. You put your arms around him in the same way and with your hand you caressed his back, aware that under the light fabric of his shirt, the scars of his past stood out on his skin.

You remembered the day he told you that it was okay, when you touched them, that they hadn't caused him physical pain in years and that, when he felt the tips of your fingers run gently over them, it was as if they were healing for a second time.

"I don't care what we do, as long as we're together. I'm not interested in running away from you because I don't want anyone else. You won't find my side of the bed empty one day, because that's the only place I want to be. You didn't force me to do anything, Star, it was my decision to be with you. And it will be my decision to stay with you every day to follow."

There was a moment of silence, then his lips curved into a slight smile. Almost invisible, but enough to show the tips of his white canines.

“You have always been so stubborn.” He murmured before leaving a kiss on your forehead. It was light and sweet and made you giggle.

"I think you like that."

"Just a bit."

"Just a bit?" You asked, pretending to be shocked.

"Mh-mh."

"Now don't you try to tell me that-"

When his cold lips met yours, you couldn't finish your sentence. The kiss was sweet, full of meaning and slower than usual.

Because in the end, you had all the time.

Because you weren't planning on leaving anytime soon.

[crabsnpersimmons]

This one goes out to all the slow burn enjoyers, the dense Y/Ns, and the soft robo jesters that suffer in silence!

Inspired by @bamsara's “Solar Lunacy” fic.

If you feel like reading my ramblings and want to experience more heartbreak for fictional jester blorbos, check under the cut where I detail all the planning behind the frames!

so i heard this song for the first time in a while and the opening lyrics immediately made me think of moon, so i was daydreaming some scenes and then i decided to thumbnail some ideas:

and it all went downhill from there as everything became a metaphor and a parallel to each other, which i will now go into detail on!

you thought the animatic itself was sad?

*writing muse laughs maniacally* IT'S ALL A METAPHOR

Frame 1. "turn down the lights" We start with a back view on Moon. The lights are out, the Moon is out, but we do not see his face. The music and the greyscale atmosphere are enough to establish the weight of the moment and the weight on Moon’s mind.

Frame 2. "turn down the bed" We cut to a shot of Moon's body, kneeling on the ground of the daycare, like a padded cell. Moon’s hands are twitching with the effects of the glitch, with purple sparks coming from his hands. We still do not see his face.

Frame 3. "turn down these voices inside my head" Cut to an extreme close up on the dark half of Moon’s face. Now we see his face, but only a portion of it. His left eye is wide open, red and glitching out. The voices in his head can refer to the glitch but also his repressed feelings. Or maybe it could be Sun's voice in their shared headspace.

Frame 4. "lay down with me" Y/N's hand enters the frame from the upper right corner, lowering down to meet Moon where he kneels on the ground. Only a corner of Moon's face appears on the bottom left corner of the frame, his starry nightcap beginning to cover his glitched left eye.

Frame 5. "tell me no lies" An full shot of Moon on the floor and Y/N standing in front of him with their hand stretched towards him. A light spills out from behind Y/N, creating a boundary between them.

Now we see more of Moon. It is only when Y/N enters the frame—enters his world—that Moon’s body is shown in its entirely. When Y/N is here, he is no longer fragmented. He is whole.

Frame 6. "just hold me close" pspspspsps Playfully, Moon extends his own hand, beckoning Y/N to come closer, to join him. His right hand crossed over his body as he uses the playful gesture to hide his true feelings—to put distance between him and Y/N. His hat continues to cover his glitching left eye. He doesn’t want to worry Y/N.

Frame 7. "don't patronize" In response, Y/N’s hand pats Moon on the head, returning his playfulness. Moon looks surprised by the action. Moon, notably, does not lower his hand—perhaps he has forgotten it or perhaps his invitation is still open.

Frames 8-9. "don't patronize me" Moon rotates his faceplate so Y/N’s hand is touching the side of his faceplate, a more intimate gesture than a head pat. However, his hat is in the way. At this angle, his starry nightcap fully covers his glitchy eye and the dark side of his face, hiding his defect and acting as a veil between him and Y/N. A self-imposed boundary. So close, yet thinly separated. It's better this way. It's safer this way.

The lyrics are broken up by Y/N's arm, both to illustrate how the song is sung ("patronize" is drawn out and "me" is briefly added in before the chorus starts) but also to show how Y/N interrupts Moon's resolve, highlighting the irony between the visuals and the lyrics. Demanding not to be patronized, yet Moon happily accepts this play at intimacy. Don't patronize me, I am weak for it.

This is also the only instance where the red light of Moon's eyes glow and tint the surfaces around it. Visually, it makes it look like Moon is blushing (heavily inspired by @restinsodaroni's art). But also, in this moment of honesty, Moon's intrinsic light spills out, colouring the greyscale world. In this brief moment of honesty, Moon touches the world with his own colours, his own light.

(and this is also where i forgot to clean up the shading on Y/N's arm, but it's okay it doesn't need to be perfect it simply needs to be. And Moon will still love Y/N even if they are a continuity error.)

Frame 10. "'cause I can't make you love me if you don't" A parallel to a frame 4, Y/N retrieves their hand away and immediately Moon is reduced to the corner of his faceplate in the frame. Only now his glitched eye is fully covered by his hat.

The lyrics here (and in the next frame) in particular grow lighter to emphasize Moon's diminishing resolve and agency.

From here on out, the lyrics here are broken up, carrying on this theme of fragmentation. Y/N is pulling away, Moon is breaking up, the words are breaking up. Everything is coming apart.

Frame 11. "you can't make your heart feel something it won't" Y/N turns to leave. The lyrics, broken up as before, highlight the irony of the situation. Y/N, a human, can’t feel something they simply don’t feel. Whereas, Moon, the machine, feels something his code never intended him to feel.

Frame 12. "here in the dark in these final hours" Another full shot that parallels frame 5, as Y/N steps towards the light and Moon leans forward into the space Y/N once occupied. Y/N is leaving—that which makes him whole is leaving. And he is only capable of making it to the boundary where the light cuts into the darkness. The "final hours" suggest it might be the end of Y/N’s shift, or perhaps this scene takes place right before the glitch takes over—the final hours that Y/N has with the true Moon. Either way, time is running out—and only Moon knows it.

There is a contrasting display of body language here. Moon is on the floor leaning towards Y/N with his hand still left out. Whereas Y/N is turned away, walking away, and has already slipped their hand away and into their pocket. Y/N is closed off while Moon is limply open. Y/N is actively moving while Moon is on the floor, waiting, hoping, for that which he lacks the agency to reach for himself.

Frame 13. "I will lay down my heart" A close up on Moon’s hand, rising up again, perhaps to beckon Y/N back once more. This is a slight parallel to Y/N's hand reaching out to Moon. While Y/N can freely reach out and touch Moon, Moon cannot. He can't enter the light and more importantly he can't risk potentially harming his relationship with Y/N—be it through the glitch or by his feelings. He can only lay down his heart—put aside his feelings or hope that someone will pick up his pieces and make him whole.

Frame 14. "and I'll feel the power" Still on a close up on Moon’s hand, now clenched in slightly. This initially was going to have the glitch effects. However, I felt it more meaningful for it to be left without. Leave it up for interpretation why Moon pauses his hand. What is the power that he alone feels and stays his hand?

Frame 15. "but you won't, no, you won't" A parallel to frame 1, a view of on Moon's back with his hand stretched out towards the light, and Y/N walking into the light spilling through the open daycare door.

The placement of the lyrics suggest two different “you won’t”—Y/N who won’t realize Moon’s feelings, and Moon who won’t dare speak them into reality.

Another note on the parallel to frame 1, this time we also see Y/N's back, but it is notably different from our view of Moon's back. With Moon, we literally see inside him through the hole for his loop. However, Y/N is shrouded in shadow, just a solid, obscure silhouette against the bright light of a world Moon—and Sun for that matter—are closed off from. We don’t see into Y/N, just as the Daycare Attendant doesn't have any vantage point of Y/N's life beyond their time at the PizzaPlex. (The unfortunate reality of a being a character made for the purpose of being a vessel for the reader.)

Frame 16. "'cause I can't make you love me" We finally cut to face Moon head-on, frozen in place with his hand stretched out, unable to cross the boundary into the light. His eyes have gone dark. Where we began by seeing bits and parts of Moon, and never seeing his full face—now we, the viewer, see the full Moon, open and vulnerable—unbeknownst to Y/N.

Frame 17. "if you don't" But in the dark, behind closed doors, there is no one to perceive him—no one to receive him. The light dwindles as the daycare doors are closed. Moon stays frozen where he kneels. It is no longer the glitch that plagues him, but a far deeper dread.

But a lone streak of light peaks through the gap in the daycare doors. Perhaps that is just enough. A silver lining. A frail hope. A single, ethereal thread out of darkness and into light.

Thanks for reading and watching!

We'll be back to our regularly scheduled fun and games shortly!

[starlitmelanin]

ᡣ𐭩ྀི make-believe; j.bellingham

pairing - jude x fem!reader

word count - 3k

warnings - none

summary - you and jude had broken up, decided to go your separate ways, but now you're both forced to play nice for an adidas ad.

you knew this day was coming.

the email landed in your inbox a week ago, the subject line so innocent, so unassuming: adidas shoot - schedule update.

you almost deleted it out of reflex, your heart dropping the moment you recognised the sender. but you clicked it anyway, because you knew better than to ignore reality.

"we've got an exciting shoot coming up with some of our top athletes," the message read, all corporate cheerfulness, "including you and jude bellingham! can't wait to see the magic you two create together."

magic. right.

you hadn't seen jude since it happened, since the two of you had ended things with a mutual understanding that felt more like mutual devastation. the kind of breakup where there's no yelling, no slamming doors, just a quiet acceptance that what you had was too complicated, too much for either of you to carry any longer.

but it wasn't any easier for that. in fact, it might've been harder. because you couldn't even hate him. you couldn't even scream or cry or blame him for anything. you were just... sad. sad in a way that sat heavy in your chest, that didn't go away no matter how many times you told yourself it was for the best.

and now, here you are, standing in the studio with the lights too bright and the air too cool, dressed head-to-toe in adidas gear, waiting for jude to show up.

you can feel the tension building in your shoulders, the nerves twisting in your stomach. you're trying to remind yourself that it's just another day at work, just another shoot, but it's not. not when he's involved.

you hear him before you see him, the familiar sound of his voice as he greets someone at the entrance, that same tone that used to make your heart skip a beat. you don't turn around right away, too busy pretending to adjust the fit of your jacket, but when you finally look up, there he is.

jude's standing there, just a few feet away, looking as good as ever, and it's like air is being sucked right out of your lungs. you thought you were prepared for this, thought you'd built up enough of a wall around your heart to keep it together, but the moment you see him, that wall cracks, just a little.

he looks... different. maybe it's just the distance, the time that's passed, or maybe it's the way he's holding himself, more reserved, more cautious. but his eyes still find yours, and for a split second, everything else fades away. it's just the two of you, caught in that familiar yet unspoken connection that never really went away.

"hey," he says, his voice softer than you remember, almost hesitant.

"hey," you reply, and it's too casual, too normal for what this moment really is. but you don't know what else to say, how else to greet the person who used to be your everything.

before either of you can say more, the director claps his hands, drawing everyone's attention. "all right, let's get started! y/n, jude, we're going to start with some paired shots, just the two of you. we want to capture that chemistry, that connection you both have as madrid's star players."

you almost laugh at the irony, but it sticks in your throat, coming out as a forced smile instead. you nod, falling into step with jude as the crew starts directing you both, positioning you in front of the camera.

the first pose isn't too bad. you're standing side by side, arms crossed, the standard tough athlete look. it's easy enough to slip into character, to pretend like everything's fine. but then the director starts asking for more.

"can you two get a little closer? jude, put your arm around y/n's shoulders, like you're celebrating a win together."

it's such a simple request, something you've done a hundred times before, but now it feels like the hardest thing in the world. still, you nod, forcing your body to move as jude steps closer, his arm brushing against yours before he rests it on your shoulders.

the contact sends a shiver through you, a reminder of all the times you used to lean into him, used to find comfort in his touch. but now, it feels different. awkward, forced, like a ghost of something that used to be real.

you keep your smile plastered on, staring straight ahead at the camera, but you can feel jude's tension too, the way his grip on your shoulder isn't as relaxed as it used to be, how he's holding back. and it makes everything worse because it's a reminder that he's just as affected by this as you are.

"perfect, perfect!" the director calls out, oblivious to the silent struggle happening between you. "now, y/n, turn towards jude, like you're about to high-five him, but stop just before your hands meet. we want to capture that anticipation, that energy."

you don't even know what that means, but you do as you're told, turning to face jude, your hand hovering in the air between you. he mirrors your movement, and now you're standing so close that you can see every detail of his face, the lines of stress around his eyes, the way his lips are pressed into a thin line.

the silence stretches between you, and for a moment, it feels like the whole world has shrunk down to just this, just the space between your hands, the weight of everything unsaid. your heart is pounding in your chest, your breath coming a little faster, and you're terrified that he can hear it, that he knows how much this is affecting you.

"great, hold that! now, jude, how about you pull y/n in for a side hug, like you're celebrating together again?"

you blink, your smile faltering for just a second before you catch yourself. this is too much, too close, too soon. but you don't have much of a choice, so you force yourself to move, stepping into jude's space as he wraps an arm around you.

it's stiff, weird, nothing like the way it used to be. and you can tell he feels it too, the way his body is tense, how his touch is light, as if he's afraid to hold on too tight, afraid of what might happen if he does.

you try to relax, try to let yourself sink into the moment, but it's impossible. because all you can think about is how wrong this feels, how much it hurts to be this close to him and yet so far away.

"beautiful! now, y/n, lean your head on jude's shoulder, like you're sharing a moment after a big win."

the director's voice feels like nails on a chalkboard, and you have to fight the urge to tell him to stop, to leave you alone. but you don't. instead, you follow his instructions, tilting your head to rest on jude's shoulder, your heart in your throat.

the scent of him hits you, familiar and comforting, and it takes everything in you not to let your eyes close, not to let yourself get lost in the memories that flood your mind. you can feel jude's breath hitch, just for a second, and you wonder if he's feeling the same thing, if the weight of this moment is crushing him too.

"and... got it! that's a wrap on this setup!"

the words are a relief, but also a disappointment. because even though this is torture, part of you doesn't want it to end, doesn't want to step away from him and go back to pretending like everything's fine, like you're over it.

but you have to. so you pull away, stepping back as jude's arm drops from your shoulders, the distance between you growing again. you glance up at him, catching his eyes for just a moment, and the look there makes your chest ache.

"you okay?" he asks, his voice low, just for you.

you nod, but it's a lie, and you both know it. "yeah. you?"

"yeah." another lie.

the director is already moving on, calling for the next setup, oblivious to the tension that hangs in the air like a storm cloud. you and jude follow along, moving like you're on autopilot, but it's clear that the magic they were hoping for isn't there. not really.

the next few poses are just as bad, each one requiring you to get close, to touch, to pretend like everything's fine when it's not. and with each one, the facade gets harder to maintain, the cracks in your armor growing wider.

finally, after what feels like an eternity, the director calls for a break, and you all but collapse onto a nearby bench, your head in your hands. you can feel jude's presence next to you, but you can't bring yourself to look at him, not now, not when you're so close to breaking.

"y/n," he says softly, and you can hear the concern in his voice, the guilt.

"don't," you whisper, shaking your head. "not here."

he doesn't push, but you can feel his frustration, his helplessness. and it's almost worse than if he had tried to talk to you, because it means he's feeling it too, the weight of this, the impossibility of pretending like nothing's changed.

the break doesn't last long enough.

before you've even caught your breath, the director is calling you back, his voice echoing through the studio like a bad dream. you don't want to get up, don't want to face jude again, but you don't have a choice. this is your job, your life, and sometimes that means swallowing the pain and pushing through it.

when you stand, jude's already on his feet, watching you with that same look he had earlier—like he wants to say something, like he's waiting for the right moment. but there's no right moment, and there won’t be. so you just walk past him, heading back to the set, feeling his eyes on your back the entire way.

"alright, now we're thinking something dynamic," the director explains, too excited for his own good. "like jude lifting y/n off the ground, both of you laughing, like you've just won a big tournament or something."

you almost laugh at the absurdity of it. the idea of jude lifting you, holding you close, laughing like nothing's wrong—it feels like a cruel joke. but you nod anyway, because what else can you do?

you take your position, standing in front of jude. the director is giving more instructions, telling jude how to wrap his arms around your waist, how to make it look effortless, but you can't focus on any of it. all you can think about is how this is going to hurt in ways you can't even begin to prepare for.

when jude's hands settle on your waist, it's like a jolt of electricity shoots through you, and for a moment, you forget how to breathe. his touch is gentle, almost too gentle, but it's the tenderness that cuts the deepest.

"on three," the director says, his voice distant, like it's coming from underwater. "one, two, three!"

jude lifts you, just like he's supposed to, and you feel the ground disappear beneath your feet. for a split second, it's almost like it used to be—before everything fell apart. the way he used to hold you like you were the most precious thing in the world, like you were worth protecting.

you're supposed to laugh, supposed to act like this is fun, but the sound that comes out of your mouth is hollow, forced. you don't know how jude manages to smile, how he keeps up the act, because all you want to do is scream, to tell everyone to stop, that this is too much, too painful.

but you don't. you just hang there, suspended in jude's arms, pretending like this is just another day, like you're not dying inside.

"perfect, perfect! that's exactly what we needed!" the director's voice is too loud, too cheerful, and it grates against your nerves. you want to tell him that this isn't perfect, that nothing about this is perfect, but the words stick in your throat.

when jude finally sets you down, you're unsteady on your feet, your legs shaky. you take a step back, putting distance between you, but it's not enough. the damage is done. the wound has been ripped open.

you glance at jude, and the look in his eyes tells you everything. he's hurting too, more than he's letting on. but he's also resigned, like he knows there's nothing either of you can do to fix this, like he's accepted that this is just the way it has to be.

"we'll take five," the director announces, already moving on to the next setup, oblivious to the emotional minefield he's just dragged you both through.

you nod, barely acknowledging him, and walk off the set, needing to be alone, needing to breathe. jude doesn't follow you this time, and you're grateful for it. you don't know what you'd say if he did. you don't know how to explain the mess of emotions swirling inside you, the pain of being so close to him and yet so far away.

you find a quiet corner of the studio, out of sight of the crew, and lean against the wall, your head tilted back as you try to keep it together. but the tears are already welling up, and you hate yourself for it, for being this vulnerable, this broken.

it wasn't supposed to be like this. you and jude were supposed to be the ones who made it, who figured it out. but life had other plans, and now you're stuck here, pretending like everything's fine when it's anything but.

you wipe at your eyes, trying to compose yourself, but it's no use. the emotions are too raw, too fresh. you can still feel jude's touch on your skin, still hear his voice in your head, and it's all too much.

you're so lost in your thoughts that you don't hear him approach. it's only when he speaks that you realise he's standing right in front of you.

"y/n..."

you look up, and there he is, his expression a mix of concern and something else. you want to tell him to leave, to go back to the set and let you deal with this on your own, but the words won't come.

"i'm sorry," he says, and the sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten. "i didn't think it'd be this hard."

"me neither," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.

he takes a step closer, hesitating like he's not sure if he should, like he's afraid of crossing a line that's already been blurred too many times today. "i... i still care about you. that hasn't changed."

his words hit you like a heavy blow, and you have to look away, your eyes focusing on the floor because you can't bear to look at him right now.

"jude, don't," you manage to say, your voice shaky. "please, just... don't."

he sighs, running a hand through his hair, frustration etched in every line of his body. "i don't know what to do, y/n. i don't know how to make this better."

you wish you had an answer for him, but you don't. because there isn't one. some things just can't be fixed, no matter how much you want them to be.

"maybe it's not supposed to be better," you say, your voice barely holding steady. "maybe this is just... how it has to be."

the words hang in the air, final and unchangeable, and you know they're true, even if you don't want them to be. whatever you and jude had, it's gone now, and no amount of pretending is going to bring it back.

he nods, his eyes dropping to the floor, and you can see the defeat in his posture, the way he's finally accepted that this is the end.

"we should get back," you say, needing to put distance between you, needing to end this conversation before it destroys you completely.

he doesn't argue, just follows your lead as you both make your way back to the set, the silence between you deafening.

the rest of the shoot goes by in a blur. you're going through the motions, doing what's asked of you without really thinking, without really feeling. it's easier that way, easier to disconnect, to shut down.

and jude... jude is the same. distant, reserved, like he's put up his own walls to protect himself from the hurt. you don't blame him. you've done the same.

when it's finally over, when the director calls it a wrap and the crew starts packing up, you feel a wave of relief wash over you. it's done. you survived. but that relief is tinged with sadness, with the knowledge that nothing's really changed. the pain is still there, still as fresh as it was when you first saw him this morning.

you grab your things, eager to get out of there. but as you're about to leave, he catches your arm, stopping you in your tracks.

"y/n," he says, and there's something in his voice, something that makes you pause.

you turn to look at him, and for a moment, you see the boy you fell in love with, the one who made you believe in forever.

"take care of yourself," he says, his voice soft, almost tender.

you nod, not trusting yourself to speak. because there's no closure here, no neat ending, no goodbye that makes everything okay. there's just this—this messy, painful, complicated thing that you and jude have become.

"you too," you finally manage to say.

he gives you a small, sad smile, and then he lets you go.

and just like that, it's over. you walk away, your heart heavy, your mind racing with everything you wanted to say but couldn't.

because this isn't a movie, and there's no script to follow.

it's just... done.

[nelkcats]

Conner Phantom, learning to live

It had been a few years since Vlad and Danny had stopped being enemies, years since Amity had been at peace with the ghosts. Danny spent his days teaching his children (he assumed they were his children) about well, everything.

Dan and Ellie had prefabricated knowledge, the halfa couldn't quite get it, but the point was that while they knew who was the creator of the chemistry, they had no idea how to do 2 + 2, so he made it his homework to fill in all the gaps.

No one at Amity blinked at the 30-year-boy-who-was-actually-12 and the 15-year-girl-who-was-actually-4, Danny guessed they had gotten used to the weirdness. One day, Vlad called and pointed out that someone had entered his database a few months ago (apparently he checked his digital security very little when he didn't make "evil" plans) and they had stolen the plans for the cloning capsule. Danny had a bad feeling.

Of course, it was after a month of searching that he found out about Lex Luthor's little "project." To say that he was angry was an understatement; he found the poor Superboy being mind controlled. He felt sad when he remembered Ellie's situation and well, he ended up stealing a clone child and destroying some laboratory. Like old times.

The world did not know of Phantom; Amity was suspicious, almost jealous that their protector could be taken away if they said a word, so they didn't say anything out of the city. It's not like the League did anything when they called. Danny didn't care, less tedious meetings and contingency plans for him. Besides, he wasn't excited about going back to the field if he didn't have to, as long as Amity was safe, the world could be destroyed for all he cared.

He wondered if spending too much time with Dan was affecting him, but in the end he dismissed the thought. Upon arriving home, Superboy had woken up and was being interrogated by the Phantoms. He chose his name to be Conner (sounds good apparently) and agreed to take classes to fill in the gaps of knowledge, just like Ellie, he seemed uncomfortable with the gaps.

The poor boy looked uncomfortable, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. After finding out whose clone he was, he wondered if they would take him to Superman, but Danny just snorted. By the end of the week, Conner was a Phantom, and he was fine with that. Danny even told him that he could live normally if he wanted to, and the boy happily accepted the offer. Conner didn't want to be a hero, at least not that early, and Danny was happy with his decision.

Danny frowned thinking of all the heroes who would say that is "selfish" for someone with power to not to use it. But he believed that they were doubly selfish. Being a teenage hero wasn't fucking easy. He hugged Conner, welcoming him to the family and within days, the whole town already knew about him (they also knew whose clone he was, but they didn't really care, they weren't snitching).

Curiously, it was Tim Drake who noticed the strange family visiting Gotham (a 23-year-old seemed to be berating a 30-year-old for stealing tires, he snorted at the irony). However he froze when he saw Clark?, but much younger, speaking in Kryptonian and laughing. He called a meeting in the batcave and tried to call the family, but as soon as they saw the expression in his face they vanished from sight.

Hell, he needed to report it to Bruce.

[worldume]

TWO DEMONS AND AN ANGEL….

˖┊ spotlight: yamato endo & chika takiishi.

˖┊ synopsis: (name) is endo and chika's favorite coloring book! they love to bully their sweet little lamb into doing things she’s not comfortable with. why? because they can & its fun!

˖┊ content: dark content, power imbalance relationship, bullying, themes of humiliation, implied polygamy, toxic relationship, coerced piercing, christina piercing, needles, alcohol transfer from mouth to mouth, afab reader, she/her pronouns, canonverse but endo and chika own a sleazy tattoo shop, tattoo artist endo, piercer chika for lore purposes, all characters are adults/aged up, endo and chika are awful!

˖┊ word count: 2k.

“you scared?”

“n—no but—” (name) stammered under his gaze, her voice cracking as she struggled to find her words. she averted her gaze from him, finding a sudden interest at chika moving about through the room as he gathered a few things around their shop. it was tucked away in a narrow sketchy alley in japan that looked like the kind of place only those in the know would visit— covered in graffiti and old posters with a flickering neon sign. the place had the vibe of a dive bar.

there was a small furrow in her brows and her lips tugged slightly in a glossy pout. no fair.. no fair!

looking at endo was so.. difficult for a couple reasons. number one: he was so fucking attractive. the kind of attractive that made her shy away from his gaze because she started to feel self conscious about everything little thing. did he like her hair? her makeup? the outfit she wore today? but more importantly, he could be just so mean if someone caught him on a bad day— he was finicky with his moods. and sometimes he didn’t want anyone looking him directly in the eye.

she’s witnessed first hand how brutally yamato beats people into a shell of themselves— weak people who he believes test who’s a poser and who’s not. endo is a pretty laid back guys for the most part, but, he has very little respect and tolerance for those who are weak. he thinks they’re boring, a drag and a complete waste of his fucking time. weak people get under his skin. weak people disgust him. weak people don’t deserve to call themselves human. and he couldn’t stand when weak people paraded around as though they weren’t.

but (name) was weak. so it makes her wonder why he keeps her around— why the both of them keep her around.. they’re not laughing at her behind her back right? she helps around.. sure she wasn’t the strongest person physically but she has uses.. or at least that’s what she tells herself.

you see, (name) is a pushover. a people pleaser. and a pathetic excuse for a spine. which is precisely why endo initially took such an interest to the girl— the irony, right? endo was just.. so tickled by it he giggled like a little kid who was told their first joke. he’s never seen anyone quite as pitiful as her. but he supposes women were an exception, right? endo almost found it.. cute? (name)’s looks were really the cherry on top of it all— a pretty little bow to wrap his present. just how could someone as pretty as her be such a.. disappointment. endo almost found it to be a waste of a perfectly good vessel, but.. he found that he gained some sort of sick gratification from bullying (name).

it was fun for him. and something to help pass the time when there’s nothing interesting going on. it was sad really— some of the things they made her do were nothing more than mere humiliation tactics that served no real purpose other than to see her actually do everything she’s told. no questions asked. like controlling when she use the bathroom, a “dress code” that usually consisted of micro mini skirts and the requirement of no panties, making her call herself awful things when she fails (bitch, slut and whore are some of noroshi’s favorites), her mouth being used as an ashtray— the list can go on.

‘how did such a sweet girl like (name) get caught up in this crowd?’ is what all the sweet townspeople of makochi ask amongst themselves when they see her on an off chance visiting her mom. but no one would be able to guess that she devoted herself to these men by choice. (name) felt as though she were indebted to endo and chika. that she owed the both of them all of herself because they saved her.

there had been a night where she had found herself walking alone after a night out with her friends, she was a little bit more than tipsy and stumbled across an alley she shouldn’t have. (name) remembers it well— stopping to pull out her phone for her gps. (name) hadn’t have been familiar with the area so she hadn’t been quite sure where she was. there was a voice behind her and all she knows is that she was being grabbed— she remembers screaming for help and thinking that it was her end. but that’s when they came to help her.

she remembers endo’s eyes that night when he got on one knee to match her level— her eyes drifting to chika who stood behind him. (name) couldn’t have been more thankful, they were her saviors..

that was then but now (name) felt as though she were walking on a pit of eggshells and thin ice— something seemingly so simple as holding the eye contact he was so insistent on made her feel uneasy sometimes which was so unfortunate because he has such pretty eyes. as much as she admired him, endo often used eye contact as a tool for intimidation— borderline a threat specifically for her alone. probably because he knew the only real thing he had to do was give her a look and she would submit— cowering like a scared little lamb so scared of getting gobbled right up by the big, bad wolf.

endo followed her gaze, tilting his head as his eyes bored into her own. he could admit that she was more than a looker— that sad, kicked puppy look really does something for him.

“but? but but but? but what.” it was a nasty sneer that left from endo’s lips as he mocked her. his lip curling in a way that screamed he was becoming more and more agitated by her hesitation— her lack of immediate compliance. this wasn’t their obedient little love— she was starting to piss him off.

“nothing— i just..” she trailed off. “will it hurt..? what if i cry?” she asked, looking up at him with the sweetest look. (name) were so naive it hurt. god— he could skull fuck her right now and he knew she’d absolutely love every single moment of it.

“sweetpea, you said you’d do anything for us. you didn’t lie to me did you?” he asked, brows furrowed as though he were actually hurt at the implication he just pulled from his book of manipulation.

“no..! of course not..!” she shook her head quickly.

“then a little pain shouldn’t be an issue, right? all the fights and trouble we get in for you isn’t even comparable.” there is was— he always did this. make her feel like she didn’t appreciate all that they’ve done for her which was her biggest fear.

“yeah, you’re right.. o–okay.. okay.” she let out a shaky breath as she nodded, a small smile growing on her lips as she felt endo’s hand pat her head.

“takiishi~ our little love’s all done bein’ a crybaby. c’mon.” he said.

chika sits down onto the roller stool, scooting over smoothly while the wheels squeaked over the cracked floor tiles so that he’s nestled in between her legs now. he spreads her lips apart, his eyes low as he watches how she clenches around nothing. hm. was she scared or was this arousal? it wouldn’t be the first time chika’s suspected she gets off on that kind of thing..

“wait— please!” panic rose in her chest, her cheeks heating up as she captured chika’s eyes. her pussy was completely bare before him, her thighs raided with tattoos that were more like brands as they stated slogans like ‘property of noroshi,’ ‘endo was here :),’ chika’s initials, and other dehumanizing phrases tattooed on her. to anyone else these could be perceived as insulting and degrading but for (name), she wore each proudly. of course the first time endo talked her into she had her reservations but she really just couldn’t say no, could she?

“will it hurt?” chika hadn’t responded, only opting in for a stare before endo spoke up once again.

“how about this? we’ll give you somethin’ that’ll take the edge off, alright?” he clasped his hands together before spinning on his heel to walk over to a counter where he snagged a bottle of vodka. “some old fashioned anesthesia.” endo smiled as he turned back around, walking back over to her where she laid.

she eyed the bottle with a look of hesitation on her face— it’s contents half full as the clear liquid sloshed around in the thick glass container. “yamato.. i don’t like to drink..”

“what?” he raised his brow as he twisted off the cap. “you know, you really shouldn’t mumble, sweetheart. i can’t hear a damn word you say.” but endo knew good and well that heard her as clear as day.

“n—nothing.. ‘m sorry. let’s do it..”

“no shot glasses or anything fancy like that but— i like doing it like this.” his hand finds its way to the crown of her head to tilt her head at an angle. he takes a swig of the vodka, holding it in his mouth for a moment before leaning in close to her and pressing his lips to her own. endo transfers the liquid in a slow controlled flow, the alcohol passing from one mouth to the other.

“mmf..!” the taste is awful and (name) told herself she’d never be able to get used to it but the warmth she was starting to feel a few seconds later seemed to help with her anxiety just a bit.

endo crouched down a bit to her level on piercing bed, an obnoxious smile on his lips as he watches on.

chika’s gloved hands aligned the needle, hovering just above the skin as the sharp tip gleamed under the light. his moment is skillfully controlled, fingers firm but gentle— the cold metal of the needle presses lightly against the flesh, the sensation a mix of cool steel and the warmth of skin contact. just before the needle penetrates, there’s a brief pause..

(name) let out a shriek as she felt the needle pierce through her flesh— the initial sensation was sharp, a pain unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. her toes curled and her hand flew to endo’s dark locks, involuntarily pulling his head back as her body started to writhe and lift at the pain. but it had been over as soon as it happened— chika’s fingers were nimble and worked quickly as he threaded the dainty jewelry through. the pain shifted into a dull ache and a sense of relief washed over her when chika spoke: “it’s finished.”

“fuck yeah— let’s see it.” endo said as he reached for the hand mirror sitting on the tray stand beside chika. (name) couldn’t help the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, a sniffle or two escaping from her lips.

there was slight throb where the jewelry laid as she sat up to look down at the mirror. the gem was her favorite color— she had to admit that it looked pretty good.

“she’s gonna be outta commission for a while, baby.” endo cooed at her. “you like?”

“yeah.. it’s cute.” she giggled breathlessly. “i did.. i did good, right?” (name) asked, her eyes screaming for approval.

“so good— let’s take a picture and show the guys, yeah?”

© all content belongs to worldume 2024. do not, translate, modify or repost to any other platforms.

[andvys]

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 28

Warnings: angst angst angst, mentions of unrequited love, mentions of cheating, betrayal, heartbreak, break up's

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader | Eddie Munson x fem!reader | mentions of Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler

Summary: Steve goes down memory lane.

Word count: 4.8k+

series masterlist

-

Steve is pacing around his dark room, feeling restless and dejected. His house is empty, no one but him occupying the empty and lifeless spaces. It’s quiet – despite the TV being on in his room, it’s quiet, too quiet. He hasn’t felt this way in a long time, so lonely and sad. 

He blames it on the previous night, when his backyard was filled with life and laughter, when you were here, when you sat beside him, laughed at his jokes, talked to him. 

He blames it on the leather band that is now adorning his right wrist, the words that are engraved into it, taking him back to a better and much easier time, when you were still children, when you were still friends, when the pain wasn’t anywhere near yet. 

He blames it on the perfume that now lingers on the shirt he had worn last night, you hugged him when you said goodbye and he couldn’t find it in himself to wash it yet.

He blames it on the box that is standing beside his bed, the one that Nancy had found on the night of their breakup. 

He blames it on the guilt and the regret he still feels so deep inside his soul. 

Every time he is with you, he gets taken back to the night he had made the biggest mistake before it skips to the night back in December, when he shouldn’t have let you go, when he shouldn’t have let you let him go.

Every time he is with you, he can’t make sense of what was going on in his head when he decided to throw it all away, when he decided to break your heart. He didn’t want her. He never did. He wanted you, it was always you. But he was afraid, so deeply insecure that he let his fears guide him. He always searched for your dark side, not seeing that there wasn’t one, that it was him, only him and his dark thoughts – you would leave him sooner or later, right? You would leave and find someone better. And, you would forget all about him. You would realize that you never loved him as much as you thought you did. You would forget all about him. He would be nothing but a faceless memory. Steve couldn’t bear to stand that thought, so he left first, thinking that that would be easier. It wasn’t. It isn’t. 

He stops pacing and for a moment, he looks out the window, watching the rain crash harshly onto the pavement in his driveway. Lightning surges through the sky and thunder rumbles loudly. He takes a deep breath, eyes following the rain drops slipping down the window. 

He wonders where you are, right now. 

Are you alone? 

Are you with him? 

He almost wants to laugh at the irony. Around this time, last year, these were probably your thoughts. 

Is he alone? 

Is he with her?

He can hear your voice, those questions that must’ve gone through your mind when he started skipping date nights with you to spend time with her. When he stopped calling you, every night. 

Now he thinks about you. 

About you with Eddie. 

He saw the way you looked at him when he talked about the girls he had been with, he saw the way your eyes flashed with pain, the way you looked so crestfallen for a moment before the anger crossed your face. For a brief moment you looked at Eddie the way you looked at him on Halloween night. 

It made him realize something that he kept ignoring desperately. 

Steve knew that there was more than friendship between you and Eddie. He knew that Eddie fell for you. He was hoping that you wouldn’t fall for him, but you did, it happened long ago, already. You were blind to it and Steve didn’t want to see it. 

And now he can’t stop thinking about it. It’s been torturing him since last night. 

Despite all the things that happened between you both, despite the distance and the months of silence before you let him back into your life – Steve still had hope that he would get another chance with you. Maybe it was his delusions that kept telling him that, maybe it was his heart that kept feeding him with hope because after all this time, it is still yearning for you. Or maybe, it’s the lingering touches and the looks you are still giving him, the energy between you both, the love that has never gone away. 

The hope inside of him dwindled the second he saw the betrayal in your eyes, last night. 

Sick of his feelings and his thoughts, he decides to distract himself by cleaning his room. He turns off the TV and turns on the music instead – Back to the old house by The Smiths starts playing. 

After taking a look around his room, he starts off by taking the sheets off and throwing them into the washer.

He gathers all the magazines that are laying all across his desk, and walks over to his bookshelf, he throws the magazines into the box that he keeps on the lowest shelf. His eyes fall on one of the books that he has yet to give you back – Pride and Prejudice. He must have read the book five times already, reading it makes him feel closer to you. He remembers all the times he walked in on you with your nose stuck in that book, you really loved it and he really loved watching you read it – how your eyes lit up, how your brows would furrow and your lips would curl into a smile. 

With a sigh he tears his eyes away from it. 

He wipes down the desk and his nightstand next, ignoring the picture of you, him and Robin that he had framed a while back. He pays no mind to the box on the floor or anything else that reminds him of you and for a few minutes, it works. 

He organizes his closet, throwing out clothes that he no longer wears. The old shoeboxes on the ground that hold memories from his childhood and early school days. He doesn’t dare to peek inside, knowing that there will be reminders of a friendship he once had with you – a friendship that could never come close to the one you have now. 

He dusts off the shelves, puts new sheets on his duvet and his pillows, vacuums the carpets and throws out the trash.

He looks around his room, sighing when he looks at the clock – 1am. He isn’t tired, not even close to it, and all he can think about is you… still. He runs his fingers through his hair and sits down on his bed. 

The storm has passed but it’s still raining and Steve feels restless, just as he did all day. He looks at the pile of clothes that he has yet to put away into a box. A jacket that he hasn’t worn in years lies on the very top. His brows knit together and his eyes flash with curiosity when he notices the white paper that peeks out of the pocket. 

He gets up and walks towards it, leaning down, he reaches for the folded paper. He turns it around, a smile appears on his face when he recognizes your handwriting. –  For Stevie 

Without even hesitating to, he unfolds it and walks back towards his bed, sitting down. For a moment, he stares at the words on the paper that you ripped out of your notebook – the one you always carried around, the one you had written all your little poems in, the one you had used to write him little notes during class, the one he gave you when you were fifteen. He got it at a bookstore in Indianapolis, when his parents took him there for a weekend. The pink leather and the cherries adorning the little book reminded him of you, he had to get it. 

He licks his lips, a sad look flashing across his face when he realizes just how old the note is. It’s from October 1982. 

Remember when I told you that I’d be much more popular than you someday, Stevie? Well, guess who just got accepted into the cheer team! 

It’s only a matter of time before I become cheer captain – make some space, King Steve, I am so stealing your crown and your throne. 

P.S. Thanks for convincing me to go to tryouts! You should finally take me to one of those parties you always go to! :) 

His lips curl into a smile, he remembers that day, he remembers it so well.

You were beaming at him when you passed him that note, your eyes were shining, your smile was big. You were so excited and he was too, he was excited for you. He remembers the note he wrote back to you. 

Make some space? You’re getting your own crown and throne, honey. What’s a king without his queen anyways? 

P.S. Are you asking me out on a date? Isn’t it my job to ask you? :)

He remembers the way your cheeks flushed, the way your eyes widened and you started blushing. You blinked as you stared at the note. The way you turned to look at him with a shy smile on your lips, while he looked at you with a smirk on his face – as though he wasn’t freaking out on the inside. His heart was racing and his stomach churned at the thought that he might have overstepped. He liked you, he always liked you and he was always afraid to mess things up with you, to ruin your friendship by taking the leap and just kissing you the way he always wanted to, by asking you out on a date, by asking you to become something more than just a best friend. He wanted you to be his – even when you were nothing but clueless little kids, he wanted you to be his princess. 

He wonders if you kept that note – if you kept any of the notes he had written back to you. Or if you threw them all away when he broke your heart and dumped you like you never meant anything to him. 

He kept them all, every little note that you had written to him, he kept it. 

He folds the note back together and puts it on his nightstand before he gets up, walking towards the box that holds all your belongings, he sits down on the ground, not looking into the box just yet. 

He knows he shouldn’t do this, he knows he shouldn’t rip open old wounds, he shouldn’t let them bleed again. He’s been hurting enough already, but he can’t help it – he wants to go down memory lane, he needs to. 

He looks at the collection of polaroids first, the ones of you before your relationship, when you were just best friends. He picks out the one of you, just you. You in your cheerleader uniform, a green scrunchie in your hair, an excited look on your face as you hold up the pom poms and smile into the picture that he had taken of you. 

He remembers the way his heart was fluttering in his chest, the way it skipped a beat when he saw you in that uniform for the very first time, the way you hugged him and thanked him over and over again for convincing you to join the team – only because you loved the green uniform so much. It makes him laugh, you really liked the uniform more than you did cheerleading itself – nonetheless, you were the best cheerleader on the team, the best cheer captain. 

He blinks as he stares at that picture for a long time – you looked so happy, so carefree. Not a single bad thought was on your mind, your heart was still so full of hope and love, your eyes showed nothing but pure joy. Your heart wasn’t broken yet. 

He can’t believe that he was the one to take that happiness away from you. 

His eyes well up with tears but he blinks them away, putting the picture down. 

The next picture is one that you took of him when he wasn’t paying attention, he was wearing a christmas sweater, his face covered in flour, his brows furrowed, he looked concentrated as he was decorating christmas cookies – Stevie, December 1982. You drew hearts around his name. 

With sadness in his heart, he continues to flip through the pictures that you both had taken over the years. Some of them make him smile, some of them make him want to cry. 

The note he finds next takes him back to the night when he had first kissed you.

It was one of the best nights. 

The snow was falling, you were both smiling. Your hand was shaking not from the cold but from all the excitement. 

He had taken you home after your first date – he gave you everything, he could. He did everything to make your very first date a perfect one, a special one. He took you to Enzo’s, and now that he thinks about it, he understands why the elderly couple who sat at the table next to you were giggling and looking over at the two of you as they talked in hushed whispers, you were both so young to be at a restaurant like that, but it was nice, it was perfect. You were both in your own world, unaware of anything that was going around you. 

He should have never left that world. 

You looked at him like he was the best thing that was ever created. You looked at him with stars in your eyes and a smile that never looked happier than it did that night. You leaned into his touch when he cupped your cheek, you giggled when he removed that snowflake that landed on the tip of your nose. 

He felt so happy that night. His heart was so full of love. He couldn’t stop staring at you. He couldn’t stop himself from kissing you. 

He didn’t want to do it on the first date, he wanted to wait. But he couldn’t. Not when his heart was screaming at him to finally do it, not when you looked at him like that, not when he felt like it was the only thing he was ever meant to do. 

You were standing in your driveway, inching closer and closer to each other and then, he kissed you. 

He kissed you under the falling snow. 

And it was perfect, it was everything. 

The start of something beautiful – before he ruined it all. 

Quiet sniffles sound through the room, the music stopped playing a long time ago, the rain is still falling, just like his tears that start to roll down his cheeks as he continues to read your notes, tracing every word written. 

The notes and letters from the start of your relationship are so filled with love, happiness that shines through simple words, sentences that make his heart soar and hurt so badly, at the same time. You were happy with him, and you loved him, you truly loved him. He can even feel it through old letters and pictures. 

Was there ever a reason to doubt you? 

Was there ever a reason to doubt the love you had for him? 

Was there ever a reason to think that you could ever leave him? 

No. 

Truly, there was never a single reason for him to believe that you would ever hurt him, that you would ever leave him.  

You gave him your everything, even on your worst days, you gave him more than you should have. You gave him unconditional, undying love. You made him happy and smiled through your own sadness when he wasn’t feeling well and you continued giving even when he was taking so much from you. 

And as the months had passed, the words on the ripped out pages began to sound more desperate. Sadder and more heartbreaking as you begged for his love, not knowing that Steve had left the little world you got stuck in. While you were still holding onto something that had died, he was already in a whole different world – one of hatred and self loathing, one that led him to ruin something that was once so dear to him. 

Something that started with a true romance, a love so pure and real turned into something cruel – false promises, empty words and lies became his and your reality. He held your heart and he kept ripping it apart, piece by piece. He hurt you so badly. He accused you of things that you had never done, he gave you the cold shoulder whenever his dark thoughts fed him lies about you, he treated you so unkindly. 

And yet, you never loved him any less.

You still looked at him with love in your eyes. You still searched for his touch, for his warmth. You still wanted him around, even on days when he had been nothing but cruel and awful to you, you still wanted him. You just wanted your boyfriend. You just wanted him to love you and he did. He really did but even through his selfishness, he could see how the light was fading in your eyes, how sadness was a bigger emotion in you than happiness was, how the love you had for him was making you miserable because all he did was hurt you and all you did was love him. 

And then, she stepped into his life and something in him changed. 

They met up at the library twice to study. The third time he took her to the diner and then the coffee shop downtown. By the fifth time, he had sneaked into her room but that was long after the project was over. 

The miserable feeling that he caused himself wasn’t there whenever he was with her. She made him smile again, she made him laugh and she made him forget – she distracted him and blinded him from all his pain and guilt. She distracted him enough for him to stop calling you to say ‘goodnight’ or ‘I love you’, something that he would’ve done weeks before he had met her. 

You never knew about the things he had done. You never knew that he was sneaking around with her behind your back. He would tell you that he was with Tommy but in reality, he was taking her out to diners and the movies, he would take her back to his place – sometimes the phone would ring and he would ignore it, he knew it was you, no one else ever called. He ignored the awful feeling that was nestled deep inside him, he ignored his heart that was screaming at him, he ignored, risked and sacrificed everything for a moment of bliss with Nancy – as though she or anything else could ever make him stop thinking about you. 

You were unaware of everything that was happening behind your back. While he was loving on another girl, you were writing love notes to him. 

He never touched her, he never kissed her, he never cheated on you, but what he did was just as bad. He betrayed you, he broke your heart and he dumped you while you were still holding onto him. 

You kept loving him. You kept slipping notes into his pockets, into his books, into his locker. You were longing for his love, for his touch, for the affection he had once given you. And you never let go of the hope that he would love you again. You kept trying and trying to take things back to the way they were before. 

But you were losing him to a girl he didn’t even love. 

Steve feels nauseous, his stomach churns as he stares at all the things in front of him, all the love notes, all the pictures, all the things that belong to you. He takes a look at what he ruined. 

How many nights have you spent crying while he was out there wasting time with her? 

He hates himself, he hates himself so much. 

He remembers the notes you had written to him when he was already seeing her. He remembers the way your face fell when he didn’t unfold the paper right away, the way he normally would have done. He remembers the look in your eyes and the way your smile fell. The way you kept sneaking glances at him during class, waiting for a note back, only to find out that that was the beginning of the end. 

He didn’t write you any notes anymore. 

But you kept writing them. 

You kept looking at him with love in your eyes even when he was doing nothing but make you cry. 

You kept kissing his cheek and whispered ‘I love you, Stevie’ whenever he dropped you off at home, not knowing that Nancy sat in the passenger seat, all the nights before. 

You kept trying. 

And he kept ruining. 

Tears stream down his face, falling down onto the note that he is holding in his hand, staining the paper and the ink. He feels the regret, the guilt, the pain of what he had done to you, as though it just happened. 

He felt sadness and guilt before, but never like this. He had never allowed himself to feel it all. 

Now all he can think about is how much he truly hurt the person that meant everything to him – that still means everything to him. The only one he truly loved. 

He is not the same person he used to be. He is not a foolish boy anymore. He wouldn’t hurt you like this now but he can’t undo anything. He can’t take things back, he can’t make it up to you, no matter what he does, no matter what he tries to do, he can’t make up for the things he had done to you. 

Through his tears, he looks at the last item in the box, an old magazine. He takes it out, eying it through his blurry vision. He flips through the pages, about to throw it on the ground before him when something falls out from between the pages, landing on his lap. 

He sniffles, frowning as he looks at the folded paper – another note. Unlike all the other ones, he doesn’t seem to recognize this one. He had never seen it before. Dread rushes through him. 

You always hid the notes in obvious places – this one isn’t very obvious. This was your magazine. 

He turns it around, his name is written on it, just like on all the others, but he can’t remember reading it. 

Did you put the note into the magazine, hoping that he would find it someday? 

Did you even put it in there or did he do it himself because he no longer cared about the words written to him? 

He wipes his tears away, taking slow but steady breaths as he unfolds it, noticing how much bigger this note is than any of the other ones he had read. His heart starts beating faster as his eyes skim over the letter. 

His throat feels tight, his chest feels heavy – a part of him doesn’t even want to read it, it’s in the past, it shouldn’t matter anymore, right? …. But it does, it still matters. 

So, after a few deep breaths he starts reading. 

I’m sure you’re sick of these notes and letters, it’s been a while since you wrote one back to me, it’s been 6 weeks actually. I don’t know why I even bother anymore, you don’t even seem to want them. I’m pretty sure that you don’t even read them anymore. You used to be so excited about them, now you just don’t care anymore. I don’t even know if you still care about me or us. 

You don’t talk to me as much as you used to. I never know what you do or where you are. I keep leaving the window open for you, hoping that you’ll come but you don’t, you never do anymore. And I can’t look away from the fact that something has changed between us. I tried to look away, I really did because I didn’t want to see how your eyes no longer search for me but for her. I kept ignoring things, I kept telling myself what I wanted to hear and closed my eyes to what was happening in front of me. I kept holding onto the past, onto the love you once had for me, I kept holding onto the promises you had made because I wanted to believe that you wouldn’t lie to me but you changed, we changed. 

But maybe this is just me overthinking, maybe nothing is wrong, maybe you still want me, maybe you still love me. I hope you do. I hope you still love me, Steve. I don’t want to live in a world where we aren’t together. 

I hope that you will tell me that you still love me. I hope that you will hold me again the way you used to. I hope that things can go back to the way they were before. 

If you’re reading this, I love you. 

Steve’s eyes are red and bloodshot already but the tears won’t stop falling, the sadness spreads inside of him like a sickness. His heart feels so heavy in his chest. 

A sob threatens to fall from his lips when he reads the date on the back of the note. 

October, 30th 1984 

You wrote it the day before he broke your heart. 

You wrote it knowing that you were losing him. 

You wrote it in hopes that he still loved you and that he still wanted you, not knowing that he would shatter your heart a day later. 

His heart never felt heavier than it does now. It’s hurting and bleeding, not for himself but for you. 

All he can think about is the look on your face, the pain and the sadness in your eyes, the absolute heartbreak. 

But he also remembers the acceptance. You didn’t question him. You didn’t ask him to repeat those words. You didn’t ask ‘why’. You only nodded at his words and said ‘okay’ and that was it. He never understood it. He understands it now. 

That moment was when you realized that you weren’t overthinking, after all. That there was something wrong. His words, his lies confirmed your words on the note.

He shattered a heart that was already broken – a heart that he kept breaking for months and months, only to crush it completely at the very end. All the tears you have shed, all the sadness you had felt, all the pain he had caused – he was making you suffer. 

His tears keep falling on the note, ruining the ink on the paper. 

With shaky hands, he drops it on the floor and he buries his face in his hands, allowing himself to let go and cry. He wishes that he could think of better moments. He wishes that he could go back to that night and change it all. He wishes he could go back to the night of your first kiss. 

The night when the light in your eyes still shined, the smile that played on your lips, the wind that blew through your hair, the way you looked at him, the way it felt to kiss the love of his life. 

That moment was so unlike the one on Halloween, last year. 

He didn’t only break your heart, he also broke you. 

And yet, you are still here. 

You are still here. 

You never left. 

You always stayed, no matter what. 

No matter the fights, no matter the pain, no matter the betrayal and the heartbreak. You are still here. 

You stayed. 

And you never planned on leaving.

Tears roll down his cheeks, the sobs fall from his lips, his body is shaking from sadness and anger, self hatred and pain. 

Right now, he wants nothing more than to feel your touch, to feel your arms around him, to hear your soothing voice, to hug you and hold you and never let go, but all he can do is wrap his hand around the wristband on his right arm and hold it against his chest – the only thing that makes him feel closer to you. He wouldn’t deserve to feel your touch. He doesn’t deserve you. He never did. 

His world comes crashing down when that realization hits him so harshly. 

He was trying. 

He was ready to fight for you, he was ready to fight for a second chance. 

But the only right thing to do is to let you go, the way you asked him to months ago when you said goodbye to him in your driveway. 

He knows it is the right thing to do and yet, he can’t fight the feeling in his heart that still longs for you. 

A heart that will always long for you. 

-

tagging friends & mutuals

@taintedcigs @mysticmunson @hellfire--cult @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfirebunnyxx @succubusmunson @take-everything-you-can @sherrylyn628 @somethingvicked @nemesis729 @chrissymjstan