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#lee felix angst
skzpvol · 12 hours
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. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ THE BRIGHTEST STAR - bang chan ࿐ྂ
pairing: nonidol!bang chan x gn!reader
genre: angst, no comfort (i warned you)
warning: mentions of suicide, cursing, the entire drabble is full of hurt
words: 0.8k
synopsis: Chan visits you again. What will you say to you this time?
a/n (1): this drabble is triggering, so please if you are sensitive to the warnings DO NOT read. Your health is my priority and remember that you are not alone, you will never be. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. English is not my first language, so tell me if I made some mistakes.
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«hi my love, i’ve missed you. Do you remember what day is it? It’s our anniversary and I really can’t believe that we’ve come this far. The younger me would be so proud to hear I’ve been with the love of my life for six years now. And I would do anything to spend this special with you. Actually I don’t really want to celebrate. It would be useless if I’m alone. 
«I bought your favorite flowers today. Hope you will appreciate them. Do you remember the first time I bought you flowers? They were roses and you were so scared to tell me you were allergic. I felt guilty but when I saw you laughing I thought it was all worthy. Even tho I tried to kill you, hearing and seeing your laugh for the first time was like being transported to heaven. I immediately felt lighter and happier. You’ve always made me the happiest. It’s a shame that happiness is gone now. But it’s not your fault, if anything it’s mine. 
«the boys miss you too. You know, one week ago we met all together for the first time after the accident and I tried, I tried so hard to distract myself. I did everything I could, they did everything, but it was all pointless. I told them I was fine, that I felt like I was already moving on, but they were all lies. I can’t help it. I don’t want them to be worried. They’ve already suffered enough and I don’t to be another burden. 
«I wrote you a song. Yes, another one. It seems like you are still my biggest inspiration. I really want to sing it to you, but it’s not finished yet. You need to wait just a little more. I promise you, the next time I’ll come with the lyrics. Just wait for me. 
«why y/n? Why did you do this to me? Was I not enough? Did you feel like you couldn’t trust me? Why? Why did you not search for help? I would have been there. I would have listened to each of your worries. I would have stayed with you. I would have told you that everything was going to be okay, that you were not alone. So why did you never told me how you were really feeling? Fuck- why? I know that it’s anyone fault, but I feel like I’m the only culprit. I know that i should not be mad at you, but I am. I’m madly angry. I wanna scream, cry and at the same time let everything go. But you will still not come back to me. So why should I try anyway?
«I’ve always seen suicide like a way to die for cowards. I’ve always thought that people who chose it were selfish. But who am I to think about it like that now, if I wasn’t even capable of helping you? I’m the real selfish because in 6 fucking years I wasn’t be able to look into you, to look through you. You were suffering and I didn’t do anything. I tried to blame you when you told me you needed me, so who am I to fucking say you are the selfish one? I’m a mess. I’m a disaster. 
«the last time I saw you, you were happier. I remember that I even asked you why. You just told me “today is a beautiful day” and before I left you said “I love you, always will” for the last time. If I only knew. I read somewhere that a star burns brightest in its final moments and I get it now. Every time I look at the sky I always wonder if you are finally happy. When I look at the glowing stars I always think it’s your way to tell me that you are there. You are there and you are okay. You are protecting me. 
«I cry. A lot. Even now, I can’t stop crying. The guilt it’s really hard to bear. I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling disgust towards myself. And you would probably be disappointed too if you saw me like this. You want me to be happy, but I can’t. Not without you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t look out for you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when I was supposed to. I’m sorry that i was the worst boyfriend you could ever ask for. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. 
«will I ever be able to see you again? I really hope so. But I’ll make sure to look at the sky every single night and look out for the brightest star. Because you are there, aren’t you? 
«please wait for me, I still have to sing you a song. You will be proud of me, I promise.
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a/n (2): hiii, how are you? I’m finally on school break! Sorry if I’m being inactive BUT, apart from school that is really stressing me out, I’m working on a bunch of things (a long ass fic and a smau :)) ). I probably already said this, BUT I’M GOING TO SEE MY STRAY KIDS IN JULY AFTER TWO YEARS, AND I’M THE HAPPIEST. I cannot really wait. Btw, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it. I also ask you to like it and tell me your opinion about this to help me to improve. Have a good day / night 🫶🏻
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astraystayyh · 8 months
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If the world was ending
Felix x reader. Estranged childhood best friends to lovers. Angst and happy ending. highly recommend listening to If the world was ending while reading :)
Felix has always been there with you, from the moment you've met him when you were 8 years old, until he suddenly no longer was, and you were left to grapple with the consequences of his absence- and those of his return.
cw: description of a car accident, reader has a fear of loud noises.
skz song series masterlist
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12 march 2011 
Screeching brakes, a jarring collision, glass shattering all around you, shards of it embedding into your tender skin. You are too young to understand it all, but you know it's bad. You are suddenly upside down, the only thing helping you stay put is the seatbelt fastened around you. You didn't really like seatbelts but your mom always insisted on you wearing one.
Your mom, you can't see her face, she's upside down too, and she isn't talking. That's unusual because you're crying and she isn't turning around to comfort you. Someone is screaming outside of your car, and then you are pulled out. You don't know who's touching you, and you want them to stop. Where is your mom? Why did they not pull her out too?
An ambulance approaches you; its loud sirens feel like pine needles drilling into your skull. You try to cover your ears but your hands are covered in blood. The world around you is painted red- the flashing lights of the sirens and the liquid oozing from your cuts. It’s no longer your favorite color.
27 may 2011 
You are playing in the playground near your home, waving at your mom from the top of the slide. She's gotten better, she smiles more easily at you now. And you are trying to be a good kid too; you help wash the dishes and you clean your room all by yourself. You don't want your mom to feel sad again and go back to that dreaded hospital. 
You slide out, happy giggles leaving your mouth, before climbing up the tiny stairs once again. But as you reach the top, an ambulance rushes by the playground. You don't know what's happening, but you suddenly feel shards of glass on your skin once again. Your hands are shaking as you sit on the floor, curling around yourself in a ball.  
"What's wrong?" someone asks and you lift your head tentatively. It's a young boy, he's looking at you worriedly, a tiny pout on his lips. 
"I don't like ambulances," you hiccup, burying your head in your knees again. 
Suddenly, small hands cover your ears, muffling the shrill sound of sirens. They are warm and sticky from the red popsicle he’s still holding.
"Now you can't hear them," he giggles, his eyes disappearing into moon crescents. Despite your raging fear, a smile finds its way into your lips.
"What's those on your face," you ask with a small voice, pointing at the faint marks dusting his cheeks. 
"They're called freckles," he says proudly and you nod. 
"They're pretty."
"Thank you!" he grins at you, his hands still covering your ears. The tightness in your chest seems to dissipate slowly before his kind smile- the shadows never stood a chance in front of the sun. 
"What's your name?" 
"Felix. And you?"
"Yn." 
"We should be friends," he beams and you grin back, agreeing wholeheartedly. "We should." 
15 november 2021 
You are sitting on the grass of that very same playground, Felix still by your side. The night breeze is cooling as it brushes against your bodies, and you're wearing his red sweater. It smells like his cologne and your perfume- an intoxicating scent you've come to memorize by heart. 
His nose tip is rosy from the cold, and you can't resist tapping it playfully. "Your nose is pink," you giggle, and he smiles, gently bopping yours in return. 
"So is yours."
You look at him as he gazes up at the stars above. You love Felix, it has always been crystal clear to you. From the moment he planted the seed of his friendship into your soul, and throughout the years when it bloomed into something more, bigger than the two of you. It wrapped around your being entirely, binding itself into your every atom, until all you saw is his reflection in you. 
And you were tired of treading the line between friendship and something more. You wanted, no craved being with him, your yearning so intense it spilled from you each time he was around. In rosy cheeks and shaky fingers and eyes that soften only when they rest on him- evidence of your love imprinted all upon you. 
You take in a deep breath, before laying your hand gently on his cheek, turning his face to meet yours. His eyes widen slightly at the soft touch, and you lean in closer to him. You brush your nose against his, slowly, "to warm it up," you whisper, as his breath hitches in his throat. 
He's close, he's so close, you can almost taste the brownies you shared earlier on his lips. You can see his freckles ever so clearly, constellations you often find yourself getting lost in. Your hand is still on his cheek, and you can feel it burning up under your palm. 
You close your eyes, as his lips are now just a breath away from yours. It's electrifying- having him so near to the way you've always dreamed, fantasized about. But he needs to be the one to take the jump, all he has to do is lean in a bit, and you'd kiss him. You won't ever let go. 
"Lixie...," you choke out, "kiss me." 
"I want to." His voice is hoarse with emotion, as if fighting with himself for self-restraint. 
"So do it," you ask, swiping your thumb gently across his cheek. Your breaths mingle with one another in a dizzying dance. 
"I'm leaving," he says so faintly, you believe for a second that you've imagined it. 
"What?" you ask, leaning a bit away to be able to look at him. 
"I'm leaving," he repeats, his eyes tightly shut. "We're moving to another country, for my dad's job." 
"You're leaving me?" you ask, bewildered. 
"I'm not leaving you-"
"But you are. You won't be here anymore." You drop your hand, taking hurried steps away from him. Touching him didn't feel electrifying anymore, it felt horrible and nauseous, because you won't get to do it again. 
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to-" 
"How long have you known?" 
"Yn..."
"Felix," you say, tone stern. "How long?" 
"Six months," he whispers and a bitter chuckle escapes your lips.
"When are you leaving?"
"In a week." 
The pain becomes unbearable, and you turn your back to him so he wouldn't see your rapidly falling tears. You are angry, as a disguise for the sadness threatening to drown you. Him leaving tasted like the salty water you gulp when you dive in too quickly into the ocean. And you did dive in, in him, in his soul and everything that made up Felix. And now he was leaving you, with no anchor to help you float again.
"Is that why you insisted on spending so much time with me lately? Because you were leaving?" 
"You need to understand I didn't know how to tell you, I- I don't even know who I am without you." He pleads, his own eyes shimmering with unshed tears, reminding you of tiny diamonds. That's how it is with Felix, you found beauty in everything he did- even tearing your heart in half. 
"Maybe you should've thought of how I would feel. You were thinking of leaving me while I..." Your voice breaks and you take a shaky breath.  "While I was falling in love with you." 
"I'm in love with you too," he quickly says, reaching out to hold your hand. "I love you, I always have." He's wrapping his arms around you, and you're letting him because it feels safe and secure. Because he’s still your Felix, even if he's leaving you behind. 
You wonder what you must have done in a past life, what a horrible person you could've been for the universe to treat you this cruelly. To hand you everything you've ever wanted in a silver platter, and snatch it from your hands before you could dare to grab it. 
"We'll make it work," he mumbles into your hair, placing a tender kiss on your temple. "We'll talk and we can be together."
"No, we can't. I'll just hold you back from living your new life, I can't have that." 
"Don't talk like that, please," his voice wavers, words barely managing to slip out of his mouth. Regret overtakes your body so suddenly at the thought of his lips- you shouldn't have tried to kiss him. Maybe then he wouldn't have told you he was leaving. 
"It's the truth. we'll grow to hate each other, distance will put a strain on us. I'd rather not talk to you than have you resent me." 
"But-"
"Just hold me," you cut him off. "As if nothing's happening, please." 
And he complies because Felix always does. Because he loves you and as much as he doesn't want to, he knows you're right. 
•••••
It's been three months since Felix left- the days passed by agonizingly slowly, and yet the months went by in a blur, a hauntingly vivid reminder of what once was. At first, the texts between you two were frequent, but as time wore on, the messages grew sporadic, from your end, mostly. Seeing him flourish in his new life felt like salt on an open wound, a reminder that he was moving on while you were still anchored in memories of him. 
You saw him in every corner of your city. The smell of brownies that he's made countless times, each time you felt sad. The way he kissed your cheek each time he won a game, while you were lying on his bed, bored. The way he hugged you whenever you were sick, gently tucking strands of your hair behind your ear. The way he covered your ears instinctively at each loud noise, knowing how scared it made you still. 
And you've felt each of these emotions since he was gone. You were sad and bored and sick and happy and scared. And he wasn't here with you through them. Each moment away from Felix seemed to magnify what could have been- what should have been between the two of you.
There is a building construction next to you, loud cement blocks crashing to the ground. And you are curled around yourself in a protective ball, covering your ears with your hands, because Felix isn't here to do it anymore for you. 
You and Felix have grown with one another, your soul carefully woven into his, like two threads intricately stitched into the same tapestry. Him leaving felt like half of your body was cut off from you, and you were left alone to figure out how to function with an incomplete heart. 
17 july 2023 
Summer break meant coming back home and sleeping in your childhood bedroom once again. Memories of Felix still lingered in there- posters he has given you and his red sweater that you've never found the courage to throw away. It doesn't hurt as much to remember him, the sharp pain morphed into a dull ache you've grown accustomed to by now. 
You're watching the TV mindlessly when someone knocks on your door, and you go to open it without a second thought, expecting it to be your parents. It wasn't.
"Felix?" you stammer, stumbling back in shock. You blink repeatedly, in a desperate attempt to make sure he's not a figment of your twisted imagination. You haven't uttered his name in so long, and the syllables felt both foreign and familiar in your mouth. 
"It's me," he smiles sheepishly, his hand scratching the back of his neck. 
"You are here," you whisper, stating the obvious. He didn't change much, his kind brown eyes and freckles still as captivating as before. But his features were sharper, prettier, and the sight of him is making you dizzy once again. 
"I am." 
"What are you doing here?" You ask cautiously, opening the door a bit wider to let him in. 
"I requested a transfer to your university. I wanted to come back. I missed home, and I missed you," he adds softly, making a turmoil of emotions surge within you. 
You clear your throat. "So, you are back for good?" 
"I am," he says, smiling slightly at you as if to gauge your reaction. You stay silent and his grin falters; his tongue resting against the inside of his cheek, a habit he hasn't let go of apparently. He then walks to the kitchen and you follow suit. You don't have to show him around, he knows your home like the back of his hand. He spent most of his childhood here after all, even though his house was only a few blocks away. 
"How have you been?" he asks as he opens the cupboard to take out a glass. He closes its door softly, careful not to make it thud. 
"I'm good. It's summer break so I'm finally back home, what about you?"
"I'm good too. It's nice to be back." 
Your conversation is strained and awkward, so unnatural of you both. There was so much to say, so much to ask about, but you couldn't bring yourself to speak. He felt like uncharted territory to you now, one you didn't have the strength to discover once again.
"It's your mom's birthday tomorrow, right?" he smiles and you nod. 
"Should we make her our cookies? Like we used to before I..." 
"Before you left," you finish, bitterness dripping from your tone.
Hurt flashes in his eyes and you feel your heart suddenly clench in your chest. It was unfair for you to treat him this way. He was only seventeen and if your parents were to move away you would've followed them too. 
"Okay, let's do it." You smile sincerely for the first time since he came back to you. 
You both move seamlessly in the kitchen, each knowing your tasks like a choreographed dance. This was a tradition that started when you were twelve years old. You'd brown the butter while he beat the egg and sugar together. He'd sift the flour while you cut up chocolate. He'd mix it all while you preheat the oven. And then you'd roll the dough together. 
Your hands brush against one another as you shape up the cookies, and it feels so intense you almost drop to the floor. You miss him, you miss him so much and he's near you and you can't seem to think straight anymore. 
When the cookies are finally in the oven, he silently washes the dishes while you dry them. He abruptly pauses, hands still covered in soap before turning back to you. 
"Can we talk? Please?" he says too quickly as if he's been overthinking asking this question. 
"I'm busy today," you scramble to think of an excuse, you weren't ready to face him yet. 
"Tomorrow?"
"I'm staying with my mom, then there is Han’s party."
"I'll be there too. We can talk then, please?" he asks, eagerness evident in his voice. 
"Fine. Let's talk there," you concede and he nods, awkwardly shifting in his place. He finishes the dishes before drying his hands. You avoid his gaze and he sighs softly. "I'll get going. Tell your mom happy birthday from me." 
"Will do." You smile tightly and he does the same, before finally leaving your home, and in his trail, a maelstrom of emotions you weren't certain how to deal with.
18 july 2023 
You're at the reunion party Han is hosting with all your high school friends. You watch as Felix takes turns talking to everybody. He fits right in here, a puzzle perfectly clicking in place as if he's never left. He's telling a joke to Chan who laughs loudly, hitting Minho's arm repeatedly. Everyone is happy he's back, because they never had to gravel with the consequences of his absence. Because he's never ripped their heart out. 
Felix is looking for you around the room- he hasn't seen you in a while. He assumes you're somewhere around the house, and that you'd like to talk when time has passed. The knot in his stomach tightens as the weight of your conversation dawns on him, he longs to be with you, to undo the past two years he has spent away from you. But he's afraid to mess everything up, once again, so he stays near his friends who are now pulling him outside of the house.
"We have a surprise for you," Han says excitedly before pointing at the sky, "look." 
Fireworks, a dazzling show of blue, red and yellow. And Felix feels as if the colors were drained out of his face and splattered into the night sky before him.
"Where is yn?" he turns to Chan, eyes wide.
"Inside, I think. Why?"
"Stop- stop this, don't start any more fireworks," he urges the boy who's looking at him worriedly. 
"Why, what's wrong? We have a warrant to start them, don't worry."
"No, no you don't understand. Yn hates loud noises," he explains frantically, before bolting inside the house. 
He's yelling your name, and you are nowhere to be found, the sound of the fireworks so loud he isn't even sure you can hear him. 
He opens door after door, and after painstakingly long seconds he finally finds you in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, your head buried in your knees. Just like you were twelve years ago. 
Felix doesn't waste any time, kneeling in front of you to cover your ears with his hands, you look up at him, waterline brimming with unshed tears. 
"It's okay, I'm here. Just focus on my voice," he smiles reassuringly at you, and you clasp your hands on top of his, doing your best to muffle the sound of the explosions. 
"Your hands are still small," you attempt to joke, as hot tears trail down your cheeks. You hated how scared you still were. 
"The perfect size to cover your ears," he smiles at you, his eyes softening when they take in your distressed state. 
You hiccup, overcome by a new wave of emotion- for an entirely different reason this time. "You came." 
"I'll always come. Even if the world was ending, I'll... I'll come to you," he smiles, biting his lower lip to stop his own tears from falling. 
"It'd be useless if you came then. There would be nothing for us to do," you manage to say through shaky breaths. 
"But I'd be with you," he insists, gaze unwavering, "It will be scary for you. I imagine it will be loud, the world can't end silently." 
"Mine did, when you left." Felix's eyes go wide at your words, and you don't care that you are baring your soul entirely to him. "Please don't leave me again. I hate goodbyes with you." 
"Why would we ever say goodbye again, hm?" he reassures, his knuckles brushing against your cheek softly. "I'm never leaving you, as long as you'll have me, I'm here," he whispers, before pulling you into his chest.
Your hands find his back, and his cheek rests on top of your head. And you both close your eyes, an exhale of relief leaving you both at the same time. The world grows dark around the two of you, the only thing you saw was his heart and the overflowing love he still bore for you.
You felt as if you were wandering blind and you could finally see again, as if the string tying you to him wrapped tightly around the both of you, trapping you in his warm embrace.
You don't know what will happen next, but he's holding you now, and he'll hold you when the world is ending, and that is enough.
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atinyniki · 3 months
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i ruined it...
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group: stray kids !
pairing: idol!lee felix x f!reader
genre: angst with a happy ending, fluff if you squint
warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, almost breakup, y/n doesnt think felix loves her, felix is referred to as lix, felix neglects y/n bc of his job, felix misses their two year anniversary dinner, felix has trouble breathing in the scene, felix cries a lot, proposals, promise rings, insecurities, felix has been broken up with a lot bc of this, y/ns fav flowers are peonies, fighting
authors note: i cried. i dont even know why this came to mind??? but it did !!! so enjoy the angst :P this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)
wc: 2232
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“i’m sorry”
“sorry isn’t going to cut it anymore, felix. you’ve said it so much i don’t think you mean it anymore.”, you bite back harshly.
you’re normally understanding of felix’s job. it regularly requires him to stay overtime and keeps him very busy, but he’s missed too many of your activities.
he missed ice skating, your birthday, at least ten dates, but now he’s missed your anniversary. two years that you’ve been together, yet it’s like you don’t even see the boy anymore.
“what…?”
“it’s always ‘sorry’. if you were really sorry, maybe you would’ve skipped dinner with the boys. you could’ve come home… to me…”, your voice falters at the last two words, cracking with raw emotion.
it’s not fair to you anymore, nor is it to him. he can’t leave group activities or basically anything work related, even when it’s an emergency. if no one’s in danger, then there’s no chance he can leave.
“don’t you ever want to see me…?”
his face contorts into an expression of disgust. not with you, but with himself. his tears finally drip over his lashline, eyes red and burning. the tears are continuous now, completely unable to stop.
“i do… i do want to see you… i miss you so much, y/n.”
you scoff, “don’t lie to me, felix.”
he opens his mouth to say something back, but only a squeak comes out. “do you still love me…?”
“i love you to the ends of the earth… i promise.”
“then why don’t you ever show it? i don’t even know if i believe you anymore.”
he clamps a hand over his mouth, not out of surprise, but to suppress his sobs. he continues hiccupping, but clutches his mouth harder, not wanting to make too much noise.
he tilts his head down slightly so you won’t be able to see the painful look on his face. he tries to pull through, knowing that your pain must be much worse than this.
the sight breaks your heart.
“take your hand off your mouth. you won’t be able to breathe”
he complies, quickly wiping his tears and taking long breaths. “please- please believe m-me. i really do love you. i’m so sorry.”
he says it again, and you look into his eyes. you can see the pain in there, causing your heart to crack even more. you know he’s dealing with a lot right now, but so are you.
and now you need space. time to think about yourself, and time to think about if this relationship is really worth it anymore.
“i swear, i mean it, y/n.”
“you’re the one ruining this. this isn’t fair at all, felix. i love you, but i don’t think you love me the same way i love you. you’re not making an effort in anything. i don’t know if this is going to work anymore if it stays like this.”
silence.
“i need space.”
“i can give you that.”
“i don’t think this relationship is good for either one of us right now. ill come back when im ready.”
he nods in understanding, but his eyes are blown wide. the second you leave the room, he starts sobbing again.
no, not sobbing. wailing.
there’s nothing else he can do. this truly might be the end of what he hoped would be forever. 
he hurt you. he hurt you and that hurts him. your pain is his pain, but he knows you have it worse. if anything, he deserves this pain. you’ve had to bear this pain for months.
it’s his fault, he knows it. everything’s falling apart because of him, like it always does. everything’s ruined. it will end like it always does. 
just felix, alone.
someone else will come along, and he’ll break them too. it’s happened time and time again, and he’s finally given up.
it’s you he wants to spend the rest of his life with. it has to be you. no one else has made him feel this way, not once.
what’s worse is that you’re truly considering breaking up. ending it all because of another stupid thing felix did.
and for this, he will never forgive himself.
he’s still crying, just as loud as before, but now snuggled up into the couch. it smells like you, he realizes. maybe that’s why he’s getting so emotional.
he plays with the promise ring on his finger, crying even more now. maybe he won’t need it anymore after this.
you start packing, taking a good amount of clothes and stuffing them in your suitcase. you’ll have enough space for everything, you’re sure.
you grab one of your favorite sweaters from the closet, it has an adorable baby chick embroidered onto it. you stare at it again, but then put it back. it reminds you too much of him. 
you make your way to the bathroom, placing your hand on the counter while you open the drawers to check for any jewelry, when you hear a clink.
you place your hand down on the marble again.
clink.
you look down at your ring finger, a singular tear leaving your eye. you remember when felix got down on one knee on your one year anniversary. it was too early for a proposal, so you freaked out, but he calmed you down and opened the box.
a promise ring. a simple band to symbolize eternity. an eternity you believed you’d spend with felix. you’re scared that eternity doesn’t exist anymore, as much as you want it to.
you don’t know if he cares. if he cares about what you have. if he cares about you. 
you remove the band from your finger, shaky hands placing it down onto the counter. you observe the thin tan line it’s made, has it truly been that long?
when did everything change…?
you look for the box that felix gave it to you in. you’ve never taken it off since you got it.
you check in your jewelry drawer, but it’s not there. so you check in his.
there it is. a navy blue box with gold accents on the edges. you smile sadly, crying a little more when you truly think about your circumstances.
you grab the ring from the countertop and flip open the box.
your heart stops.
it’s supposed to be empty.
why isn’t it empty?
there’s a gorgeous gold band on the inside, small peonies engraved into it. your favorite flower, you realize. additionally, there’s a perfect heart shaped diamond sitting on top, almost taunting you. 
the heart was meant to symbolize your love. the love you have for eachother. the love he has for you. but felix has never been able to show that properly, not while under his circumstances.
is this the surprise he mentioned the week before? is this why he told you to dress nicely to dinner? is this why he told you to do your nails all nice?
it had to be, right?
you close the box and hold it tightly in your hand, trying your best to suppress the tears that are trying desperately to escape.
but your heart controls you more than your mind.
its almost as if your heart actually has a mind of its own, bringing you to where you are now. standing in the living room, watching the sobs rack felix’s body, velvet box still in hand.
his body jerks with each hiccup, the noise completely muffled by his hand. it’s then you realize that it’s not muffled, he’s suffocating himself.
you place the box down onto the table, rushing over to felix. you grab his shoulder, pushing him over and sitting him upright. he jerks when you touch him, not expecting you to be anywhere near him.
once he truly processes the sight of you, he cries even more. you pry his hand off of his face again, you know it’s a bad habit.
“felix. you won’t be able to breathe when you do that.”
“im sorry. i didn’t w-want you to- to hear m-me”
“deep breaths.”
he inhales deeply, trying his best to follow your breathing patterns, but it fails every time, broken up into small hiccups. “i c-can’t.”
“calm down…”
you give him a small smile, almost to reassure him. he tries again, but it doesn’t work. he shuts his eyes, unable to take it all, and the tears just continue to spill.
“i- i can’t… i can’t breathe”
you rub circles onto his back, trying your best to do breathing exercises with him. you forget how truly sensitive he is. 
“i’m right here…”
“you’re r-right here.”
“mhm… i’m right here, felix.”
“you’re right here… w-why are you here?”
you tilt your head in confusion, wiping a single cascading tear away from his cheek. “i’m here to take care of you.”
“you- i… i don’t deserve it…”
“what?”
“i don’t deserve you. you can- you can leave. i’m not forcing you to stay…”
your heart is now barely holding on, and it feels like only a single thread is holding it together.
“i’m here because i want to help you, lix.”
“you don’t- no- you don’t need to help me… it’s my fault.”
you open your mouth to speak, but he cuts you off. 
“it’s my fault… i’m sorry.”
“felix…”
“you’ll leave…”
what’s going on with him?
“they all leave… n-not you too…”
“felix.”
“i don’t want you to leave… it’s all my fault.”
“felix, please, calm—“
“you’re going to leave…”
“i’m not going to leave.”
“i ruined it…”
it’s almost as if he’s stuck in the same state of mind, every part of the world being blocked out except for the terrible thoughts swirling around in there.
you cup his cheek with your hand, guiding his gaze towards you. one single look into your eyes, and he’s sobbing again. 
you place your left hand on his knee, you know how much he loves to feel you, but he only seems to cry more.
he tentatively brings a hand up to the one splayed out in his knee, and you watch him out of curiosity. he giggles, and you look back up.
he’s crying even more now, you don’t even know how that’s possible. he picks up your hand by your ring finger, staring at the tan line that your promise ring created. 
“i ruined it. how could i ever let you go…?”
he runs his thumb over it, and he quickly pulls your hand closer to his face. he places a soft kiss onto the line, just once, as to finally seal his fate.
it will never happen. he must accept it.
you don’t let go, instead intertwining your fingers. “i thought about it for a little. i really don’t want to leave you felix. i just… i didn’t know if you loved me anymore.”
“i do… i do love you.”
“i know that now.”
“you don’t know the full extent to which i do, y/n. i don’t just love you for what you have to offer. i love you for you. i love you for your smile, and i love you for waking up everyday. i love you for working hard, and i love you for your heart. i love you for things i can’t even see, and i love every part that makes you you. i love y/n. i love you. and i love you for being you.”
it feels as if the tears in your heart have finally been stitched up. every crack in your heart healed with his pure words. you know they came from the heart too. 
“i can’t guarantee i’ll be there for every event, and im sorry for that. ive tried to change that, but the rules are strict. even then, i wont give up. i’ll try my best to change them, i want to be the best boyfriend i can be. i dont want to rush dates because im running out of time, but instead because i cant wait to get home and finally cuddle with you without being in the public eye. i dont want to be late to any events just so that i can see that beautiful smile on your face when you see me there. i just want to make you happy, happier than you’ve been recently.”
“oh felix…”
he doesn’t say anything else, placing your hand back down on his knee and retracting his hand. that’s when his gaze flies to the table in front of him, the dark blue velvet box staring right at him.
he stands up, grabs it, and then kneels back down, on not one, but both knees. it looks almost as if he’s begging, but what you don’t realize, is that he truly is. he’s begging for your forgiveness, and he’s begging for another chance.
he has to make things right.
“y/n… i know i haven’t been the best boyfriend recently, not at all, but i want to make things right. you’ve brought so much light into my world, and i want to bring you that light too. i just need you to give me one last chance. one chance to make it right. i know it’s not the perfect proposal, but please, make me the happiest man in the world.”
he flicks open the box, displaying the band you last observed in the bathroom.
“i love you.”
“that’s not a yes or a no.”
“yes, i love you.”, you repeat.
you can’t control your heart anymore, and you take the chance to push felix down to kiss him. you know it’s not the ideal proposal, nor is it the ideal post-proposal kiss, but your answer would always be yes.
“it’s you, felix. it’s always been you.”
“y/n.”
“hm?”
“i promise, i’ll never let you go again.”
<3
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425 notes · View notes
inniejeonginnie · 11 months
Text
care for you - l.f x reader
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request: "Felix getting a fever in the middle of the night an y/n doing their* best to break it and take care of him! 🫶🏾"
pairing: felix x gn!reader
wc: 2.1k
genre: fluff
cw: food, sick felix :(
i really hope this comes close to what you had in mind! 💗 lmk if you liked it! also, this was the first request i've ever done ooo i'm excited. maybe reblog if you liked it? 💘 ily
You and Felix didn't really take many days off. Being in the other's arms was a luxury saved for only a few hours of sleep because of your hectic routines and impossible deadlines., when you slipped under the heavy blankets and soaked up all the warmth your boyfriend had to offer.
Felix left for work before you did and arrived home first, but you two managed to make it work. He cooked your breakfast and left it on the counter, and you left notes around the house to remind him how much you loved him, and how well he did that day; he texted you encouragement words, and you sent him pictures of cats; he pulled you towards him with a smile, and you kissed him goodnight.
The routine wasn't ideal. You missed the scent of his shampoo, the way he would caress your hand with his thumb, his voice and happy little hums, and his kisses. Being close to him got you through the week; these were your treats for the weekends. You realized the nicest part of the week had begun when he kissed you deeply at two in the morning.
However, it was the loud sound of glass shattering in the kitchen that woke you up at that hour on a Wednesday rather than his giggly pecks.
With a jolt, you ran towards the sound after noticing Felix wasn't beside you on the bed. "Love? Felix?" you called, entering the kitchen and seeing the warm light softly falling on his face. He tried to support himself on the wall, looking at you with doe eyes that exhibited eyebags and heavy eyelids.
He took deep breaths, and his lovely plump lips were pale. Still, he tried giving you a sweet smile, calming you down from the worrying scene before you. "Don't worry, alright? I'm just a little weak."
Snaking your arm around his waist, you helped the dizzy man find his way to your shared bed. His skin had some goosebumps. Sporadically shivering and painfully sensitive, he felt much warmer than usual. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing much. I'm just feeling a bit sick."
A bit sick, he said as he lay down with such fragility that you could've thought he was made of glass. Felix never wanted you to worry about him. He wanted to be stronger, healthier, and your source of light.
"Can you lay down for a while? I'll get a cold compress and some water."
"Go back to sleep, mhm? I can do it." His hoarse voice carried the same gentleness as ever, shaky hands coming to stroke your cheeks but fatigue winning.
"Baby… Just for a while, please? I'll be right back."
"Don't worry about me, alright? Come here."
You smiled at his open arms, leaning in to hug him as an excuse to measure how feverish he truly was. With a quick kiss, you untangled yourself from him. "I promise I'll be quick."
After filling a jar with water and preparing a cold compress, you decided to cut some fresh fruits and place them on a bowl after quickly cleaning the previously dropped glass of water. All done with fast movements, you soon came back to the still grinning man on the bed.
It was almost funny how Felix insisted on appearing happy and well, even though he needed care. He always wanted to be the one to apply your skincare, cook balanced meals, and make sure you slept enough, but when the roles were reversed, he was struck by an inevitable wave of guilt.
While placing your pillows behind his back and giving him the thermometer to measure his body temperature, you averted his shining gaze, shying from being the target of such adoring eyes. "Love you," was what he whispered before the beeping noise announced his much above-average temperature.
"Can you drink this for me?"
"Can you lie with me?" Nodding, you placed the cold pad on his forehead, bringing him to rest his head on your shoulder after the glass of water was finished.
"Does your throat hurt?"
"No. That's just my voice."
Your lips curled into a snort of amusement as your boyfriend softened beneath your touch. Noticing some loose strands of hair dampening from the pad, you moved them carefully. "That feels good."
Looking down at him, Felix's eyes were now closed, and he had a real smile on his face, practically melting into your embrace. "Want me to keep going?"
His deep hum confirmed that your gentle strokes on his hair were a source of comfort. Purring almost like a cat, he was fully relaxed on top of you. "No. You need to sleep; you have work tomorrow."
"So do you."
"Yeah. But that's my business," he motioned to the thermometer, "not yours. You don't need to lose sleep because of me."
"When I can't sleep, you sing to me, even if you have to wake up earlier than me the next morning. And you always wake up earlier than needed, only to bake something for me. Also-"
"But that's different."
"How?"
With a yawn, he tried getting up but failed. You brought the fruit bowl near you two, silently asking if he wanted some. "I don't know. But I hate to see you suffer because of me. And I want to be the one who takes care of you. I want to be reliable enough."
"Baby. I'm not suffering; I'm only losing a bit of sleep! Open up-" you chuckled at his choice of words and fed him some pieces of orange. Suffering. No moment with him was suffering, even in these conditions. "I love when weekends arrive and we do this. Being awake after midnight and just talking. I miss you all the time, and I hate that you're sick, but I adore how I can see your face now, during the week, for a few more minutes than I normally would."
"But I want to take care of you."
"You do. You always do, alright? You're even doing it now. Let me take care of you for a bit and watch you sleep well."
Relaxing into your touch, you took turns caressing his hair, feeding him fruit, making him drink water, and checking his temperature. "I really love you."
"Oh, you do? That's good." you teased, bringing your other hand to trace in featherlight touches his freckled cheeks. "I really love you too."
"I think I might be working a little too much. I miss you and barely have time to see your pretty face."
"You might? You definitely are. I know you want to be great at everything and for everyone, but you need to take care of yourself, alright? Don't be too good for everyone else. Leave some Felix for me, too."
"There's a lot of Felix for you. There's more Felix for you than Felix for me."
"I can share some with you. We can make it a fifty fifty deal. Take good care of your fifty percent, and I'll take care of mine."
"But then there'll be nothing for anyone else."
"I don't want to be egoistic, but I think no one else needs some Felix. Just us. Sometimes I want to wrap us in this bubble and live there."
"That would be great. Just us, forever." You could feel his smile against your skin, his hands tightening his grip on your waist, and his long eyelashes tickling you whenever they fluttered.
"It would. You would get tired of me, though."
"I could never."
"Are you sure?"
His lack of verbal response was a confirmation that sleepiness had arrived. Checking his temperature with the back of your hand, you found it was still above average but not as high as before. Your lazy scratches on his scalp lulled him to a deep slumber, breathing evening and puffs coming from the exhausted man.
Half of the fruit bowl was finished, and all the water was gone. The only thing that mattered now was the clingy heat he emitted and how comfortable he looked.
Humming calmer songs while kissing him goodnight, you stayed in a half-asleep state, fussing whenever he stirred awake, asking if he was alright, and walking to the kitchen to pour more water before settling by his side again.
"You're doing great, baby." was what you whispered whenever he finished a glass and nestled on your arms again, resuming to play with his hair as he gave you a quick kiss on your collarbones and lazily professed his love to you. "Love you. You're doing so well."
During the next hours, you could feel even the tiniest movement due to the proximity and how his body temperature would lower but keep higher than the average person. You called him your 'sunshine', not only for his bright personality but also because near him you almost never needed a blanket; he was the one to keep you warm.
You could see his long eyelashes kissing his cheeks in the same way you did uncountable times; the way his nose would curve upwards and twitch before he briefly woke up, only to be sent back to sleep with a kiss on the tip of it; his toned arms wrapped around you, the same arms he would use to twirl you around and keep you locked in his embrace but looked so fragile earlier that day; how his legs were tangled with yours and how he would always keep this position, no matter the day.
You hated seeing him sick, sad, or anything else but happy, but having to take care of him, caring for him the same way he did with you every day, and being so close to him made you wonder if you should lose a few hours of sleep every day just to memorize all the things you loved about him. As if you could ever forget.
The first rays of light could be seen when they first fell into his face, giving you the uncontrollable need to shield him from them—from anything that could disturb him.
"You're staring."
"Sorry. You're too pretty."
He still had his eyes closed, a sleepy smile stretched across his face, and his golden skin was adorned by the sunlight, the cold morning air bringing him closer to you. "Are you enjoying it?" His impossibly deeper morning voice was still laced with honey, never judging, or anything but loving.
"I hate seeing you sick. But I love being like this. I could look at you for the whole day." With the back of your hand, you measured his temperature; the fever had finally broken. "You're okay?"
"Mhm. Thanks to you." He brought your hand to his lips, carefully kissing it before humming in discontentment. "Don't want to leave you today."
"Just tell them you're sick."
"Don't leave me here."
"I could never," you turned to grab your phone, earning more whines from your boyfriend, "I'm calling in sick today."
"But you're not sick."
"What do you mean? You're a piece of me, and you're still not totally recovered." Faking a cough just to humor him, you texted your boss, "How can I leave if you need my services?"
Felix giggled; it was truly the prettiest sound you've ever heard. "What services?"
He brought his hands to the nape of your neck, tracing shapes and pulling you into a chaste kiss, still a little weak.
"My kisses, my cuddles," you punctuated your speech with smiley kisses to the corner of his lips, "and a nap with me."
"I do think we should sleep a bit more. And I'll need your services today."
"I'll need yours too."
"Mine? I'm pretty much useless today."
Shaking your head with furrowed brows, you looked into his eyes with serious tenderness, "You're never useless, baby." Love could be seen dripping from his eyes, the same doe eyes from before that looked much happier now, "You're my everything. I need you to take care of me while I do the same for you, alright?"
"How can I do that?"
"Just keep close to me. I love waking up and seeing you here, all tangled up with me, like we're the same person."
"I can do that."
"I know you can."
With a kiss on his cheeks, you resumed the same ritual from before: backrubs, scratching his scalp, and checking his temperature. He now did the same thing to you, kissing sporadically wherever he could as a sign of thankfulness and humming the same song he always did when you couldn't sleep.
Soon, no sound or movement could be heard or seen in the room, only light snores and the silent whisper of love and care. It was finally a day off, and you couldn't think of a better way to spend it.
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kaciidubs · 7 months
Text
Surprise! | Felix x Reader
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❣ In collaboration with @onmykneesforchanlix ❣
❣ Summary: Felix was a cat shifter, living most of his days in his cat form due to unfortunate living circumstances. That is, until you found him one rainy night and his life changed for the better. Years later, he decides that it's time to finally reveal himself to you fully. ❣ ❣ Word Count: 5.5k+ ❣ Warnings: Cat Shifter! Felix, slight Dom! Reader, Pussy Drunk! Felix, smut, slight angst [Felix's life before Reader], fluff, first time as a semi-couple, feminization [Felix wears Reader's clothes], unprotected sex, decryphilia, creampie, begging, praise, desperate/needy love making ❣ ❣ Female! Reader [No use of Y/N] | You/Your pronouns ❣ ❣ Additional Tags: Felix is referred to as kitten, Lix, Lixie, fluffy ending ❣ ❣ Stray Kids Masterlist ❣ General Masterlist ❣
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Felix’s early life wasn’t much to brag about; growing up in an era where animal shifters were being seen less as a threat and more as an equal was a blessing in disguise, but that didn’t mean he had it easy. There was still discrimination, prejudice, and general unease, and even as a cat shifter he wasn’t free from any of them; losing his part time job due to “staff overflow” and his tenant kicking him and multiple shifter families out of their apartment building due to “remodeling”.
His roommates at the time were able to fall back on family members or other friends, but he was by himself in the city, and he didn’t feel comfortable asking them if they could house him until he got back on his feet. So, he tried getting by on his own until he could find new roommates or someone willing to host shifters.
He was able to stay a few nights at a hostel, applying to any place that had a hiring sign while earning his keep by helping the owner of the hostel - however, he wasn’t able to keep it that way for long. Which is how he found himself surviving in his cat form, easier to maintain throughout the night as he slept in worn out boxes off the side of the road.
Then, one rainy night changed his life for the better - the night he met you.
You, who was walking the dark, rainy streets with a broken umbrella and your face tucked as far into your jacket as it could go.
You, who stopped in your tracks when you saw him sleeping in that small, water damaged cardboard box just outside of an alleyway.
You, who scooped him up and tucked him into the free space of your jacket before taking him back to your apartment with the promise of taking care of him for the night.
Well, what started out as one night turned into two years and counting by your side as your loving little orange cat, and he wouldn’t have had it any other way - save for a few key things. The major one being he had yet to reveal his human form to you while you were home.
He figured that you had a feeling about him not being only a cat, from the way he participated in your morning routines with his own tasks - you doing your hair was him grooming himself, you brushing your teeth was him having a dental treat until you left so he could shift and actually brush his teeth - to the way you still had an unopened 16-count of cat food because he preferred eating the dinner you had over any form of gourmet tuna.
But, you never mentioned anything about it, you never even made a sly passing comment despite the way he’d participate in your one-sided conversations with too many coincidental meows or glares whenever you said something he didn’t agree with.
You even wrote out the alphabet on a sheet of paper so he could “pick his own name”, using his small paws to walk over the letters ‘F’ ‘E’ ‘L’ ‘I’ ‘X’ before rubbing his face against the side of yours with a content purr.
All of these events culminated into this moment now, where he was currently sitting on your bed in his human form freshly showered and naked as the day he was born; the pajama shirt you wore that night laid out in front of him.
Tonight was the night Felix was going to show you the real him, the him he hid from you out of fear that you wouldn’t want to keep him around anymore, fear that he’d go from your kitty ‘Lixie’ to just another alley cat.
His plan was simple, really; dress in your clothes to give him the comfort and confidence he needed and surprise you once you got back from work, apologize for not letting you know the night you brought him home, and hope that the kindness you've shown him for the past two years would continue further.
Orange tail swishing behind him with anticipation, he wasted no time in pulling the pink shirt onto his arms before slipping it over his head, quickly engulfing himself in your warm scent and soft cotton.
Smoothing out the top, his soft brown eyes landed on the piece of clothing he forgot he even took out, his human ears turning red at the sight of your white panties laying bright against the blanket.
He didn’t have any clothes at your place, usually reserving himself the grace of either wandering around nude or donning one of your hoodies and a pair of underwear he’d make sure to wash himself before you got home; and this plan had the added point of him wearing something to cover his exposed lower half.
Hence, the white lace panties with pink bows that he was sliding up his pale legs and tucking himself into, finishing off his look for the night.
Perfect.
Sneaking a peek at himself in the mirror near your closet, he felt a low rumble in his chest - the shirt slightly swamped him and the panties’ waistband sat comfortably below his tail to not cause irritation or annoyance, this couldn’t have worked out more perfectly in his favor.
A soft yawn tumbled from his lips and he glanced at the small digital clock you kept on the nightstand; a little less than an hour and a half until you came home, which meant he had more than enough time for a quick nap before his plan would go into effect.
Stretching his arms to the sky with an even bigger yawn, he allowed himself to curl up against your sheets and close his heavy eyelids - content purrs escaping him with each exhale.
“Lixie! I’m home!”
His ears perked up at your voice and he stretched with a big yawn, slowly rolling himself into a sitting position and tiredly rubbing his eye until his brain finally kicked into gear; you were home. 
A rush of excitement ran through him as he scrambled onto his knees, hands seated in his lap as he stared at the door in anticipation - his heart thumping hard in his chest. 
What were you going to say? Would you still like him as a human? What if he wasn’t pretty enough in his human form? 
His ears drooped as he deflated, small hands now anxiously playing with the hem of the shirt that was supposed to be his comfort. He heard you shuffle around the adjacent room, mentally going through the routine he’d seen you do time and time again; keys in dish, shoes at the door, work bag on the chair in the living room. 
“Lixie? Where are you, kitten?” 
The closer your footsteps grew toward the bedroom door, the more he wished he could shrink in on himself - it wasn't too late to change back, was it? No, no, he wanted you to see him - he wanted to show you the real him.
“Lixie?”
Where was he? He usually greeted you at the door, meowing loudly at you while rubbing himself at your legs. Maybe he was still asleep, curled up on his favourite place, your pillows? 
You quietly made your way to the bedroom, your hands resting on the handle for a second before opening the door.
 Nothing could’ve prepared you for what happened next.
“Lix-” Your eyes met a familiar warm brown set, but that wasn’t what stopped you in your tracks. 
No, it was the fact that said eyes belonged to a blond man currently sitting in the middle of your bed, dressed in your sleep shirt and nothing else - at least, that’s what you could assume from the sight of his bare thighs. 
Maybe you should have screamed - should have shouted curses and threatened to call the police but all you could do was blink at the man. Opening your mouth to say something, the words get stuck in your throat, making you swallow thickly while your eyes lingered on the man in front of you. 
Felix felt small under your gaze, shy even. He nervously pulled the shirt to cover his legs when he noticed you staring at his bare thighs. 
Maybe this wasn't a good idea, he thought to himself. 
He wanted to say something but couldn’t think of anything - any words or sounds dying before they even reached his throat. His eyes met yours when he looked up, and he noticed a small smile forming on your lips. 
“Lixie?” You questioned quietly.
He felt his ears twitch at the sound of his name, catching the notes of joy adding sunlight to the word; his tail swishing in response. You seemed to like his reaction because you took a small step away from the doorway before rushing toward where he was sitting.
“Oh... my little Lixie! Look at you- I can’t believe it- My cute little kitten is a shifter!” 
Felix felt himself blush at the awe in your tone, his hands tightening against the hem of your shirt.
“Lixie,” you hummed as you ran your fingers through his soft blond hair, “you’re so pretty.” 
Felix’s lips curled up into a smile, and when your fingers found that spot behind his ears - scratching just the way he liked - he couldn’t help but start purring. 
The first word to leave his lips is your name - his voice a bit raspy since he hadn't spoken properly in months.
“Why didn't you show yourself sooner, kitty?” You cooed, tracing your fingertips down the side of his face and stopping at the soft curve of his chin, smiling when he leaned into your hold. 
“I…” He swallowed thickly, nearly shocking himself at how deep his voice was, “I wanted to but... I didn't think you'd like me anymore…” He couldn't help but hold your gaze, addicted to the soft sparkle in your irises as you studied him.
“Why would you think that, hm? You're my Lixie,” you whispered, cupping his face in your hands, your eyes never leaving his, “You’re my pretty kitty…” You gave him a reassuring smile, your thumbs running along his reddened cheeks. 
With the way you looked at him with so much love and care, he couldn’t help but blush - his cheeks dusted in a pretty pink.
“Look at you,” a soft laugh fell from your lips, and he suddenly wondered what it would be like to feel them against his own, “wearing my shirt? Were you trying to turn yourself into a gift for me?” 
A hot flush ran down his back, goosebumps rising on his skin as he remembered what exactly he's wearing. 
“N-Not just your shirt…” He stammered, gaze falling in embarrassment from the guilty admission.
“What do you mean?” You questioned, and instead of answering you, Felix leaned back and lifted up the shirt - not all the way, but just enough to reveal the panties he stole out of your drawer. 
You sucked in a breath at the sight, pink little bows decorating the white lace he was wearing. It was your favourite pair, Felix knew that. 
That's why he chose them. 
They were a bit small for him, but he didn't mind - he just hoped that you were okay with it too.
“Lix…” His name left you in a breathless sigh, a hand falling from his cheek to graze up his thigh, but no further than that. “You really turned yourself into a gift for me, huh?” 
You knew how the lace fit your body, but the sight of the white patterns hugging his slim hips and slightly bulging over his dick had your brain whirring. You didn't miss the soft whimper that fell from his lips, or the way his legs shifted toward your touch.
Felix bit down on his lip when he felt your fingertips ghosting over his inner thigh, barely touching him. He spread his legs a bit, hoping you’d get the hint and touch him - but you didn't, your fingers running up his thigh and stopping before they reached the lace, then down again.
“You know... it really makes me sad you didn’t shift for me sooner.” His eyes widened slightly, bottom lip jutting out in a pout until you continued, “We could’ve had so much fun way sooner than this.” There was a sharp glint in your eye that made him whine, his hands tugging the shirt higher up his stomach.
“I’m... sorry,” he mumbled, trying to hide his face with the shirt until you stopped him. 
“It's okay Lix,” your hands came up to tug on his shirt, “why don’t you take this off for me, hm?” 
He nodded, wasting no time in pulling it over his head and throwing it next to the bed. 
“So pretty,” you whispered, brushing his hair out of his face.
Your fingers grazed against his ears in the process and he moaned, the melodic sound melting into a purr that you practically felt vibrating from his chest. 
“They’re still sensitive even in your human form…” Humming, you caressed your thumb along the base, “Aren’t you just full of surprises?” 
“P-Please,” he whimpered, his hands itching to reach out to you from where they were planted on the bed, “it feels so... good.”
“Feels good, yeah? I can make you feel even better... if you let me.” You moved your hand from his ears to his chest, gently pushing him back to lay on the bed. 
Your fingers brushed over his nipple and he gasped at the sudden rush coursing through his body. 
Eyes flickering down from his eyes to his lips, you leaned in closer with a soft whisper just barely grazing the pink skin, “Kiss me, kitten.”
Felix lifted his head so fast he was shocked he didn’t accidentally headbutt you as your lips met. 
It was different, so different from the way you would kiss the top of his head when he’s curled in your arms in his cat form, yet the softness remained the same. He didn’t think it could get any better until he felt your lips part, and when your thumb and finger pinched his nipple, he gasped and your tongue was ghosting against his own.
He let his tongue run along yours, humming lowly in the back of his throat. His cock was already hard and straining against the lace; the tip leaking pre cum, forming a small wet patch. 
It hurt, but Felix didn’t know how to ask you for more. He tugged on your shirt, wanting you closer.
You couldn’t help but laugh against his lips, pulling back just enough so that your noses remained touching. “Eager little kitten, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, baby.” 
Pecking his lips one last time, you sat up - kneeling just above his lap - and pulled your shirt over your head, tossing it where the pajama shirt laid. 
Felix’s eyes widened - he’d seen you in your underwear before, sure, but taking in your body in his human form had fireworks going off in his head. You looked soft - he knew you was soft - but he needed to feel you with his hands, his mouth, anything you allowed.
He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, staring at every bit of exposed skin, wetting his dry lips with his tongue. 
You laughed shyly, trying to cover yourself with your hands, “Don’t look at me like that. You've seen me in underwear before - hell, you’ve even seen me naked!" 
Felix felt the blush spreading on his face - it was true, he had seen you naked, too many times to count, but that was when he was in his cat form; sitting on the counter in the bathroom when you took a shower or a bath, never leaving you out of sight.
“I-I know! But-” This time, he allowed his hands to touch your forearms, trailing up the skin to your wrists, then the backs of your hands, “I... I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to see you like this- touch you like this.” He kept his touch strictly on your hands, resting over the bra that kept the sight of his dreams hidden away. “I want... C-Can I see more? Please, I wanna see you.”
“You could've had me like this months ago, kitten.” Your tone was smug, but you still reached behind you to unclasp your bra - not taking it off just yet, “It’s okay, you can touch me.” Your hands reached for his as you guided them to your bra straps. "Help me take this off?" 
Felix swallowed thickly, his hands shaking a bit from how nervous he was. He didn't want to fuck this up. This might be his only chance.
His fingers grazed the straps and he immediately decided he hates the texture - too rough, no wonder why you were always rolling your shoulders once it was off. Eyebrows furrowing at the offensive clothing, he slowly pulled them down the curves of your shoulders and had to physically fight back the moan growing from the way the bra went slack - your breasts threatening to spill from the cups already. 
“Keep going, Lixie, take it all the way off for me.”
Felix pulled it down completely before throwing it aside, his hand itching to touch you. Reaching out hesitantly, he lets a finger run over the soft flesh of your bare breasts; goosebumps spreading over your skin as you send him a reassuring smile and a nod, giving him the okay to continue. 
He doesn’t waste any more time cupping your breasts with his hands, squeezing them carefully.
If he thought kneading his own blankets was heaven, then this was damn near nirvana; your breasts resting in the palms of his hands - or at least, what he could fit - while the rest squished up with each flex of his hands. 
“You-You’re so soft... oh, fuck, you’re so soft.” 
You shivered at the curse falling from his angelic lips - the thought of your kitten, your Lixie, so smitten over what he’d seen time and time again making your core throb. “Softer than that blanket I spent so much money on for you?” You teased, laughing at the pout that overtook his lips. 
“That’s different! You... You feel better than any blanket or any pillow I've ever laid on.”
“You’re so cute, I’m just teasing you.” Taking his hands away from you, you pinned them down on the mattress near his head, leaning over him with a teasing grin.
It took all the strength Felix had to not cum right then and there; your breasts were right in front of his face, giving him the chance to kiss the soft flesh before circling his tongue around one of your nipples.
You moaned at the sudden attack, your hands tightening around his wrists while his mouth toyed with the hardening bud. Without having to be told, he released your tit with a wet pop before latching onto the second, making a sound you couldn’t tell was a moan or a purr. 
“Lixie.” You moaned, and if Felix's eyes weren’t shut you would’ve seen them roll to the back of his head. You barely touched him and he was already at his peak, wondering how it was even possible to feel anything better than this.
He bucked his hips up, moaning loudly at the delicious friction and the waves of pleasure running through his body. His eyes were closed tightly, mouth agape with breathless pants rolling past his lips. 
He was so close, he could almost taste the orgasm on his tongue but he fought against it. He didn't want to cum like this, not yet. 
"Please," he whimpered, not sure what he was even asking for.
“Keep your hands up here, Lixie, okay?” You slowly sat up, trying not to laugh at the needy whine that settled in his throat when your chest no longer surrounded his head. “Keep them up there or else I’ll stop, understand?” 
He nodded senselessly, eyes glossy and chest flushed pink; he nearly forgot how to breathe when he saw your hands go to your jeans, popping the button open and sliding the zipper down. He nearly cried when you shifted off of him, only for you to shush him with a tut of your tongue. 
“Gotta take my pants off first Lixie, I told you I can make you feel even better, and I will.”
You turned away from him, pulling your jeans teasingly slow over the curve of your ass before pulling them off completely - repeating the same process with your underwear. 
Felix couldn't help but stare at your ass, almost drooling at the sight. His hands moved to reach out to touch you but he stopped himself before you could notice, repositioning them next to his head in hopes of going unnoticed.
Leaving your clothes in a puddle by your feet, you quickly climbed your way back onto the bed and over Felix’s lap - not sitting down just yet. “You know, as much as I said you missed out on showing me the real you before, I can’t wait to see what I’ve been missing out on too.” You danced your fingers up his stomach and to his chest teasingly, watching as his hands fisted the sheets underneath him. “I’ll take good care of you, kitten.” 
Felix watched as you lowered yourself so settle in his lap and a sharp moan escaped him,  the warmth of your pussy settling over the thin lace he still had on.
He fought the urge to look down between your bodies, wanting to take a peek but instead looking up at you, trying to grind his hips up against yours. “Please... I- I can’t.. I want,” he stuttered out, “it hurts.”
“Use your words Lixie,” you hummed, a light roll of your hips nearly sending him to the stars, “Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you, but you have to use your words, kitten.”
“Please, I want... no, need you to touch me,” he breathed “‘m so hard it hurts." He thrusted his hips up, groaning softly, “Fuck, you feel so good,” eyes fluttering shut with another thrust, he bites back a whimper, “please, I’ll be good for you... just touch me.”
A soft smile graced your lips, “That’s my good kitty.” Lifting yourself onto your knees, you wasted no time in tugging your lace panties down his hips and the swell of his ass, “Such a dirty kitty, making a mess in my panties, huh?” 
All he could do was moan wantonly, his dick finally free from the tight confines as he eagerly kicked them down his legs and off the bed.
You leaned back over him, pressing your lips to his in a slow kiss and letting your thumb run over his slit to collect the pre cum. Felix moaned into the kiss, parting his lips for you to slip your tongue in. Your tongues touch as Felix cupped your face in his hands, not wanting to part not even for oxygen - he doesn't want to even think about the kiss ending, pouring all of his emotions into it as if it were the last thing he could do in his human form.
Your free hand covered one of his own, squeezing it gently as you parted from the kiss. “I’ll let you slide for now,” you whispered, your lips still brushing against his, “but next time I'll have to punish you.” 
Felix felt you shift above him, but before he can register anything, the warmth of your walls are enveloping the head of his dick. "O-Oh! Oh fuck!"
You placed your hands on his chest and sank down on him completely, hissing a bit at the stretch. “Fuck kitten, you feel so good,” moaning softly, you wiggled your hips, “feel so full.” 
He fisted the sheets underneath him, throwing his head back, mouth agape in a silent moan. “S-So warm," he gasped as you lifted your hips up and sank down on him again, your walls clenching around him. Suddenly, his hands flew to your hips to stop you from moving, “Please wait, fuck- I'm not gonna last long.” Your eyes met and he sucked in a shaky breath, “Shit, you feel so perfect around me. Better than what I’ve imagined…”
“You”ve thought about fucking me?” Your light giggling made your pussy flutter around him and he nearly sobs at the feeling. “What a naughty little kitten I have - makes me wonder what else goes on in that pretty head of yours.” With your hands settled on his chest, you slowly rocked your hips against his, moaning at the way his dick massaged your insides. “Let me show you what the real thing is really like, are you ready for that, Lixie?”
“Oh god, please show me,” he whined, his grip on your hips tightening slightly. 
Moans spilled from his lips as you moved your hips teasingly slow, your fingertips digging into his skin, leaving behind small crescent marks. 
Overwhelmed from the pleasure, his moans quickly melted into whimpers and pleas. He doesn't hold back, making you smirk, “Let it all out kitten. Am I making you feel good?”
He nodded his head frantically, unable to stop the moans tumbling from his kiss bruised lips. 
“Good boy, such a good boy, Felix.” 
He didn't even have the chance to react to the sound of his full name falling from your lips when you rose slowly before dropping back down. You were riding him, the person he loved so much he thought his heart would never beat the same - he felt tears begin to swell in his eyes as his hands followed your pace.
“Kitten? Hey, are you alright?” Your voice filled with worry as you immediately stilled your hips, your hands reaching up to gently caress his cheeks, “am I hurting you?” Concern grew in the pit of your stomach as you watched a single tear roll down his cheek, reacting quickly to catch it with your thumb. 
Felix shook his head, his gaze avoiding yours.
“Lixie, I need you to answer me - do you need me to stop?” 
His watery eyes snapped to your own as he choked back a sob, “N-No! Don’t- Please- I... I feel so good, I can’t- I love it- I-I love yo-” 
Soft hiccups broke his sentence into rambled parts, and it all suddenly clicked; he was crying from pleasure, crying for you. 
“Oh... My sweet kitten…” You cooed softly, catching more stray tears with a swipe of your thumb before leaning forward to kiss the tip of his nose. “I love you too, do you wanna keep going?”
More tears spilled from his eyes at your words and loving actions - you loved him back, he couldn't be happier than he was in this moment. 
His favourite human loves him the way he loves you. 
“Yes please... make love to me... please.” He whispered, hands wiping away the last few tears that were still building in his eyes. He gave you a watery smile, eyes scrunching up and face exuding a brightness you never thought was possible on a person. 
He looked so pretty under you, cheeks tinted pink and eyes looking up at you, so full of trust, so full of love.
Your heart fluttered and you had to stop yourself from smothering him with butterfly kisses around his beautiful face - he still needed you, and you were going to do what you promised you would; take care of your kitten. 
Taking his hands from your hips, you threaded your fingers with his before pinning them at the sides of his head, shifting your position slightly. “Don’t worry about anything else, Lixie - let go of everything and focus on me.” With his nod of approval, you started to ride him once more, the new change in angle letting his dick caress the front of your pussy.
“O-Oh my god,” he moaned, his eyes rolling back as you moved your hips, grinding them down. “‘s so good, please don't stop,” Felix slurred his words, so lost in the pleasure - he was sure he’d died and gone to heaven. 
You picked up the pace and leaned forward, letting your noses touch before connecting your lips in a short, sweet kiss.
“You're so good Lixie,” you panted against his lips, squeezing his hands tighter, “fill me up so well, so perfect, my perfect kitten.” 
He moaned at your words, squeezing his eyes to focus on keeping his orgasm at bay - he couldn’t let it end so soon, he wouldn’t. 
“Are you close, baby?” You mused, keeping the pace of your hips with ease, your lips brushing against his ear. Felix’s cock was hitting your g-spot with every move of your hips now and you could feel your own orgasm slowly approaching. 
“I-I can hold it!! Wanna be a good kitten for you, want you to cum first,” he pouted, thrusting his hips up to meet yours. He freed his hands from your grasp, moving them to hold your hips as he continued to thrust into you. You lightly grazed your teeth against his earlobe, nibbling on it before pressing a kiss to his neck.
“P-Please,” He whined, tilting his head to the side to grant you more access to his skin, “I-I’m gonna- I want you-” He felt like his brain was on overdrive, every nerve ending burning at every point your bodies were connected. His right hand sandwiched between your bodies to where his cock was currently drilling into you, fingers frantically searching for what he knew would help you come before him. 
You panted against his jaw, nipping at the pale skin lightly, “To the left baby, m-move your hand to the left.” 
Obeying your direction, he shifted his wrist and his fingers landed on a soft, slippery nub that made your pussy clench. 
“F-Fuck! There, right there baby!”
His fingers moved experimentally over the nub, circling around it and you moaned in response against his jaw, "You're doing so well kitten, making me feel so good." 
Felix continued to circle his fingers against your clit, drinking in the moans that spilled from your lips. He was determined to make you come first, moving his fingers a bit faster, “Good like this?” 
Nodding hastily, you connected your lips to his neck again and sucked on the skin, the desire to mark him swelling inside of you - you wanted to mark him as yours.
Following the change in tide, you were now the one wantonly moaning against his skin, riding him that much faster and a bit more sloppier. “‘S so good, F-Felix- it’s so good!” 
His heart skipped a beat and he quickened his pace, digging his feet into the mattress to fuck into you faster. “C-Come for me? Please- I need you to come for me, c-come with me-” He was so hard it hurt, his stomach clenching and heaving with each ragged breath - he felt himself tear up as he begged whatever higher power was listening to let you come first, please let you come first.
“F-Fuck Felix, right there!” You moaned out, quivering above him,  “G-Gonna come!”
Your orgasm rapidly approached as you held onto him, his frantic thrusts bouncing your body against his own. His fingers dug into your skin, and he hoped that they were going to leave a bruise - a marker of his desires finally coming true. You bit down on his neck, tongue running soothingly over the marks left on his skin.
It only took a handful of thrusts before you were shaking above him, your moans growing in volume as you wrangled your hand free from his to tangle in his hair. “Lixie! Felix! I'm c- oh god, I'm coming!" 
The grip you had on his dick grew tighter and he groaned, pace faltering as you came around him with a loud cry barely muffled against his neck. 
“T-Tight- S-So tight, I can’t-" He was getting dizzy, both hands now coming to wrap behind your back and hold you as close as he possibly can. “Gonna c-come, wanna f-fill you, please? L-Let me- s-so warm, please, please!”
It took a second for you to register his words, head dizzy from your orgasm, before you nodded frantically, "O-Of course kitten, go ahead - breed me.” You whisper and it's all Felix needed to hear. 
With one more solid thrust he emptied himself inside you with a loud cry, his hips stuttering as he rode out his orgasm. His glazed over eyes found yours and you smiled at each other, noses bumping as you leaned in for a bliss-filled kiss. 
Your lips touched softly in a short peck - soft and sweet and all you both ever needed after an event like that.
“Good kitty,” you giggled, gently scratching your nails against his scalp, feeling the rumble of his purrs vibrate against your chest. “Let’s go get cleaned up, yeah?” 
Felix couldn’t help but whine, not ready to let you go as he squeezed his arms around your sweaty body, “Can... Can we stay like this a little longer? I like holding you...like this.” 
You beamed at the blush taking over his face and nodded, “Of course, Lixie - hold me as long as you want, it’s only fair for bow often I’ve held you.” Tucking your face into the warmth of his neck, you murmured, “From now on, you can hold me as much as you want, my sweet kitten.”
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❣ This one's been in the works for a while, but I'm so honored to have done this collab with my lovely Miu! I hope you enjoyed reading and by all means, leave some nice words for her because she's genuinely an amazing writer! Love you lots @onmykneesforchanlix ❣ ❣ Any type of feedback is appreciated! Whether it be a simple like, reblog, or keyboard smash and the most essay-like comment, feel free to share your thoughts. ❣
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forlix · 7 months
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𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞・l.f.
— felix misses you a little extra tonight; good thing you're way ahead of him.
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words・1.7k pairing・idol!felix x gn!reader warnings・brief mentions of the ocean, drowning imagery genres・fluff, angst, established relationship, pining, hurt/comfort, lots of (happy) tears
a/n・i had exo's "been through" on repeat while writing this; pls give it a listen it's beautiful and so underrated and captures the fic perfectly. enjoy &lt;3
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When Felix steps into Tokyo's night air, he can still hear the remnants of tonight's concert in the distance, the occasional car horn and the low thrum of conversation floating over the dome of the stadium. But for the most part, it is quiet, and Felix is finally able to think.
He thinks about how he's happiest after performances: leftover adrenaline warming his skin, strobe lights still dancing across his vision, heartbeat still drumming against his ribs like the heavy bass that shook the stage prior. He thinks about how much he loves leaving each venue knowing that, even if only for a few hours, he owned the place; set it utterly ablaze.
But he mostly thinks about you.
From the moment Felix started loving you, his happiness became yours. A bite of brownie fresh out of the oven, met with widened eyes and a delighted mmm; every funny story relayed to you later that night (poorly, because he keeps interrupting himself to laugh); photographs, so many photographs—an especially rotund pigeon he spots on the way to practice, a new pair of earrings that’s way too expensive but looks way too good on him, cute texts from his mom—inevitably making their way into your camera roll.
He can’t help it. He only wants to experience the best parts of the world with you by his side.
So it is in his happiest moments that he feels your absence the strongest. And now, Felix so badly wishes you were here that he physically aches. It feels a bit like his heart is being swallowed by seawater, nothing in any direction for miles, nowhere to go but down.
Only when Chan materializes next to him does Felix manage to steady his feet on the cement once again.
“It’s not here yet?” Chan surveys the lot for their tour bus, to no avail. “Good thing, I guess. Everyone's taking their sweet time.”
The older boy gives Felix a glance thoughtlessly, looks away, and then looks back, his gaze lingering on the side of his face for longer this time, and Felix knows that Chan knows exactly what’s going through his head. For a second, Chan seems like he wants to say something, but Felix averts his eyes to his shoes, takes out his phone.
Not now.
“I think I left something inside,” Chan says instead, though he never leaves anything anywhere. Felix manages an appreciative smile. Without another word, Chan claps a hand to Felix’s shoulder and disappears back into the building, as quickly as he came.
A few seconds pass. Then, as naturally as if by muscle memory, Felix taps on your contact and holds his phone to his ear.
It rings once, twice, thrice—and then he hears your voice, but not in the way he yearns for.
“Hi, you’ve reached Y/N! I’m unable to come to the phone right now, but please leave a message and I'll get back—”
He ends the call, his brow furrowed. You knew he had a concert today. And you should've known to anticipate the call that would come right after, as faithfully as the sun’s rise and fall.
He calls a second time, hoping this was an obstruction of ‘do not disturb’ and nothing more, but is met with the voice message again.
The call of the ocean's depths becomes louder.
As he sits through the automated response, Felix leans against the wall behind him and tilts his head back against the plaster, his gaze moving over the night sky. Then, he hears the beep, and starts to speak.
“Hi, my love. I called, and you didn’t pick up, and I got worried. Is everything alright? Maybe you’re busy, or asleep? Remember to take care of yourself first and foremost—everything else pales in comparison. Everything."
His voice feels far steadier than he feels.
“Ah, I miss you, darling. The concert went super well; the energy was unreal. We have a few hours to explore Tokyo tomorrow before heading to our next stop, and I’m excited as hell, but I wish you could be here more than anything in the world. I haven’t stopped thinking about how much you’ve always wanted to visit this city since we got here—Seungmin even said he'd save his visit to the Pokemon Center for whenever we come back with you. All of us are thinking of you, babe. Me especially. Me hopelessly.
"One day, you and I are gonna travel the world together, responsibilities and schedules be damned, and we'll spend as long as you want wherever you want. As long as I can be next to you. God, I fucking miss you. I said that already, right?”
A short distance away, the building door opens again, and Felix quickly ducks his head out of view, suddenly conscious of his watery eyes and blurring vision.
“I gotta go. I think the members are ready to go back to the hotel. Call me back when you get a chance, okay?”
The next words catch in Felix’s throat, and he has to wince and take a long, shaky breath in order to get them out.
“I love you to the ends of the universe, angel. Share some of your light with the moon tonight, yeah?” He presses a kiss to the receiver. “I love you, I love you, I love you. Bye.”
With that, Felix hangs up, drops his phone into his pocket, and presses both sleeves tightly against his eyes, willing himself to calm down.
No, he thinks, shoulders quivering with the effort, it really never gets easier.
It takes a while for it to strike Felix as odd that it’s still quiet outside; he could’ve sworn that he heard the door open and close, that he should be hearing the tired chatter of his members by now. Apprehensively (obliviously), Felix lifts his face from his hands and turns around.
Chan, so solemn and quiet before, now wears a Cheshire grin that instantly devolves into a breathy laugh when he meets Felix’s eye. Hyunjin stands behind Chan, holding his phone up, evidently filming. Felix’s lips part in confusion, a question forming on the tip of his tongue. There are enough videos of me crying my eyes out on the internet, no?
But then his eyes fall on the person standing in between the two men, their arms piled so high with flower bouquets that their face is almost concealed entirely, and he forgets what he wanted to say; he forgets every language he knows.
“So we were contacted by a fan the other day,” Hyunjin says, beaming. “Kept calling you their boyfriend. Forced us to fly them out to Japan and everything.”
“It'd be real bad if we got the wrong person,” Chan adds, and a stifled laugh comes from behind the petals—one that Felix would recognize in every corner of the world, in every lifetime. “They look familiar?”
The bouquets part, and behind them you appear, cheeks visibly flushed even under the lot’s singular streetlight, smile so bright that it’s turned your eyes to crescent moons.
"Surprise," you say softly.
The empty lot finally erupts into laughter, Chan and Hyunjin no longer able to restrain themselves. Can't believe we pulled this off, they're saying to each other triumphantly, but everyone, everything around Felix vanishes save for the person he adores most in the world, holding more flowers than they should be able to carry, looking at him as if he's made of pure starlight.
And Felix's heart starts kicking upwards, towards the rays of moonlight filtering through the murky water, as fervently as if his life depends on it—and, in this moment, it does.
“Hand 'em over, fool,” Chan says to you. And as you start transferring the heaps of flowers into the leader’s arms, Felix has never moved faster in his life.
In the span of a few seconds, his hand finds the small of your back, and yours the nape of his neck. “Holy fuck,” Felix whispers, and then he’s pulling you against his chest tightly, desperately. There is no word that can describe the way you melt into one another except for destiny, one of your hands curling in his hair and the other running over his shoulder; his face burrowing in the crook of your neck, fingers lacing together against your spine.
His pulse is so loud that he hears it in all directions, in all parts of him. Felix squeezes his eyes shut against the material of your crewneck, his whole body shaking with silent sobs as the overwhelming array of emotions he'd harbored prior finally spills over. And he stops thinking entirely, simply loses himself in all that you are: the smell of your laundry detergent, the sound of your laugh, the feel of your embrace, so secure and warm as if promising him you’ll never let go.
“I love you, Lee Yongbok,” you murmur, the words only for the two of you to hear.
With the sound of his full name, Felix's heart breaks through the ocean's surface at last. Not only that; it performs a triple axel on the shoreline, and it sure as hell doesn’t stick the landing, slipping and sliding and fighting to regain its balance as you continue on.
“Forget the ends of the universe. You are the universe. You are everything that has ever existed and everything that ever will. And I couldn’t bear to be away from my galaxy for a second longer.”
Felix shakes his head from where it remains buried against you, his voice a broken rasp when he answers, “I’m not whole without you, angel. I never will be again.”
“I'm here, baby,” you reply, your hands tightening around his hoodie, among his long locks. “Whether I'm right next to you or on the other side of the world, I'm always with you. And I will be tomorrow, and the day after, and eons from now. That—”
Your lips find the shell of his ear, then his temple.
“—is a promise, my sunlight.”
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Chan is standing with bundles of flowers still piled high in his arms, silent tears streaming down his face, and Hyunjin’s expression is contorted into a terribly suppressed weep, his still-recording phone long forgotten in his pocket. They don't have it in them to tell you to get a room. Not right now.
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𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤? please consider reblogging, commenting, or sending me an ask to let me know; or, read my other works here. thanks so much for the support ♡
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© 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐱 (est. 090323) · all works are pieces of original writing and all characters and relationships are purely fictional. please do not repost or reuse for any reason.
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yeahspider · 5 months
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10:36 🫀
Ve’s note - soft felix fluff drabble . trying to get out of a writers block so plz send requests to my inbox ! enjoy this lil piece until i finish other works <3 (slightly proofread don’t jump me i’m sorry)
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oh you had definitely fucked up . you took the relationship between felix and yourself and threw it in a blender . made a relationship smoothie . laying in his bed you couldn’t tell what was worse the pain in your chest or the silence in the air . it was never supposed to happen . you both agreed those words would never leave your mouth . and so far you had kept up that bargain . until you found yourself under him for the nth time .
you didn’t know if it was the way the early morning sunlight shined on his skin , the freckles on his back moving up and down with every breath , or the teeth sneaking out of his smile as he wished you a good morning but the words left your lips before you could reel them back in . before you could take it back . say you were just joking .
i love you
your world stopped spinning , tilted off its axis when he didn’t say it back . you watched as a frown made it’s way on to its face and you’ve never wanted to be anywhere else in your life . you basically jumped out of bed , scrambling to find your clothes which were scattered across his dorm floor . mumbling out apologies about how you had class in an hour so you had to leave . saying anything to save yourself from this situation .
when you slipped your sweats ,which were actually felix’s, on to your body you heard him call out to you .
“wait ! fuck - i’m sorry don’t leave .” your body froze at his words . you heard him shuffle out of bed and suddenly his presence was behind you . hands on your waist to keep you from leaving .
“i love you too . i’m sorry i didn’t respond immediately i was just in shock i didn’t think you’re like ever say that to me you know with out arrangement .” felix said with a shy smile . the warmth that blossomed threw you was unstoppable as you scanned his face for any signs of a lie . but his eyes told you all the truth you needed to know .
“come back to bed please let me show you how much i love you .”
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straykeedz · 7 months
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𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 ; 𝐥𝐟
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©𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐳 } 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲/𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞/𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬
𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 𝐱 𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐛!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐛𝐨𝐲!𝐚𝐮; 𝐩𝐮𝐧𝐤!𝐚𝐮; 𝐧𝐨𝐧-𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐥!𝐚𝐮; 𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧; 𝐬2𝐥2𝐞2𝐥 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲; 𝐬2𝐥; 𝐞2𝐥;
𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟;
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 20,3𝐤 (𝐢𝐤 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲)
𝐓𝐖: 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠; 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠; 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (𝐲𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐨𝐥); 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧: 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 (𝐦), 𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲 (𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠), 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐱 (𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠); 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 𝐢𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐤; 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐰𝐛 𝐝𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐬 (𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫); 
𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐧𝐢!
𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞.
🔖 : @hyunlixs-wife0309 , @seungminluv3 , @lylzisgood , @streetrebelrootsdistinguish , @lauraliisa , @seokseokjinkim , @drhsthl , @sunflowerstay25 , @hydroyaksha , @sillyrabbit76 , @facelesswrittes , @mrsseals16 , @gabbyforeva-blog1 , @linosssss ♡ ;
🗺️ : 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐨𝐬/𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰!
🀄︎
Lee Felix disliked many, many things. 
He disliked it when his parents scolded him for getting the umpteenth piercing, he disliked getting up early in the morning to go the stupid classes he had to attend in order to pass the year, and he disliked when the cute barista - who made it very clear she had a crush on him - put an unnecessary amount of sugar in his coffee and wrote her phone number on his cup every single time, with a stupid “call me? :)” handwritten right next to Felix’s name. Seriously, it made him want to just throw the damn cup away. 
But what - technically, who - Lee Felix disliked the most was you.
You, with your perfect grades - the typical straight A student -. You, and the annoying sound your fingers made while you were taking your notes on your computer. You, with your stupid habit of drinking a matcha latte boba before the first class started. You and your stupid, always perfect hair, styled the same way each day and yet never unkempt - how was it possible, by the way? -. You and your damn smile, bright and contagious. You and your nerdy friends, always sitting together in the diner talking about some stupid book or whatever the fuck it is nerds are into. You and your cute, puffy cheeks that turned red every time you had to give a presentation in class. You and your damn laughter, the most annoyingly cute sound he’d ever heard.
It made him sick. All of that. 
What triggered Lee Felix the most, though, was that he couldn’t help but notice all those things, even though he disliked you. Oh, yeah, he definitely disliked you. Because if he didn’t, then it’d mean he liked you, and Lee Felix liked nobody. 
Lee Felix was a punk, a bad boy, and he didn’t like anyone. Period. 
Sometimes, he didn’t even like his own friends. Sometimes, he didn’t even like himself. So no, there was absolutely no way Lee Felix liked you… or was there? 
🀄︎
That day, the barista did it again. 
This time, she even handed Felix a small piece of paper, carefully folded, and she even blushed when he took it from her hands. He knew what was written inside that note before he even opened it, and that’s why he tossed it in the trash can as soon as he exited the cafe. 
“Dude, what the fuck?”, his friend Hyunjin asked, dumbfounded. “You didn’t even open it!”
Felix shrugged, clearly unbothered. “I already know what’s in there. It’s the second time she wrote her number on my cup this week. Thought she’d get the message.” 
Hyunjin stopped in his tracks, something was on his mind. Felix kept on walking. “Just take the damn note already if you want to, Hyunjin.” 
“Really? Can I?” Hyunjin asked, mouth agape. 
Felix shook his head and chuckled. That’s just how well he knew his friend. Typical Hyunjin, he thought. 
“Yeah, I don’t care.” Felix shrugged once again. 
Hyunjin quickly rummaged through the thrash bin, feeling a bit disgusted with himself. Finally, he managed to find the yearned piece of paper, now a bit dirty. He quickly brushed his hands on his pants to clean them, and then he reached his friend. The coffee shop was only a couple of minutes away from campus, and Felix and his friends had their breakfast there everyday. Sure, the coffee shop girl - as Felix had nicknamed her - was persistent as fuck, but the coffee there was good and their pancakes were tasty. 
Felix took out the pack of cigarettes he had in his back pocket, and lighted himself one. He took a puff, then handed the pack to his friend. “Want one?”, he asked, tasting the nicotine on his tongue. 
Hyunjin shook his head as a no. “Already smoked one before breakfast.”
Felix chuckled. “So what?”, he asked. “Are you trying to cut off smoking?”, he let out a laugh.
“Yah! Don’t make fun of me!” Hyunjin playfully elbowed his friend. “I mean, kinda? I heard it negatively affects your stamina and we have a couple years left of college so, you know, I’d like to have sex as much as possible.”
Felix was already halfway through his cigarette, so he thought he might as well finish it. “Alcohol is bad for your stamina too, but you didn’t care when you knocked back a bottle of whiskey at Jeongin’s yesterday, did you?”
“You should really learn to respect the eldest, Yongbok-ah.” Hyunjin teased, calling his friend by his Korean name, knowing it pissed him off. 
That’s another thing Lee Felix disliked: when someone, anyone called him Yongbok. He didn’t know why, he just thought the name Felix suited him best. Plus, it was a foreign name, and it made him gain lots of pussy on campus throughout the years. Yongbok sounded lame in his opinion. 
“Yah! Jugeullae?” Felix barked, turning to his friend with dark eyes. “Don’t ever call me that. Never again.”
He knew from the moment he drunkenly told his friend his Korean name, that they’d tease him forever about it. He hated his parents for giving him such a lame name. It’s like his parents never wanted him to get laid in the first place. 
“Sorry, man.” Hyunjin laughed, patting his friend on the back. 
But Felix wasn’t paying attention to his friend any more. No, because, as soon as they rounded the corner, Felix spotted you. 
You had this huge, brown bag that looked insanely heavy on your shoulders. You were chatting with your friends, the ones Felix thought were incredibly boring, though he only shared a couple of classes with them way back, so it’s not like he knew them. 
“Are you even listening to me?” Hyunjin elbowed him. 
Felix turned to look at his friend. “No, sorry. Was distracted. What were you saying?” 
Hyunjin let out a frustrated sigh. “I asked you if you’re free tomorrow. You know, for rehearsal and stuff.” 
Felix nodded. “Sure. I’ll be there.”
When Felix turned to look at you once again, you were already gone. 
Damn Hyunjin and his stupid questions. Wait, why was it bothering him so much? He disliked you. 
🀄︎
Lee Felix also disliked to give presentations. 
Especially in front of a whole fucking class. Especially when he didn’t even like the subject in the first place and only attended it because it gave him the credits he needed. Especially when he didn’t even know what the hell was the topic. 
Let’s just say Felix didn’t enjoy the college experience that much. His grades were slightly above average, but not that high overall, and when he did manage to get high scores on tests was because he’d copied from someone smarter. 
Felix wasn’t interested in that shit. 
He wasn’t interested in grades, degrees, qualifications or anything even remotely related to academic stuff. He didn’t even know what he wanted to do with his life, for God’s sake. All he knew was that, for now, his only interests were playing with his band and hang out with his friends. 
So, when his English literature professor demanded a project, he was definitely not pleased. A paired project. Who could he even do the fucking project with? He didn’t even know the face of any of his peers - besides you, but then again, he’d never even spoken to you, so the problem still remained. 
“The due date is in two weeks.”, the professor ended his explanation. 
He’d explained that every pair of students had to write an essay which had to be ten fucking pages long at least. At least. Felix had scoffed at that. The silver lining was that Felix’s English was flawless - for obvious reasons -, so he could at least flex that. 
He left the room as soon as the professor dismissed the class, pissed as fuck. He slid one hand in his back pocket, ready to grab his pack of cigarettes to smoke another one, when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. 
He was expecting to find literally anyone else before him, once he turned around. Just not you, staring at him like an abandoned puppy. His breath hitched, and he hoped you wouldn’t notice. What could you possibly want from him? 
“Lee Felix?”, you asked timidly.
Felix disliked the way your voice sounded incredibly cute and sweet. He absolutely didn’t like it. 
“In the flesh.”, he responded with a cocky smirk. 
You sighed out of… relief? “I’m y/n. I’m so sorry to bother you, we’re in the same class of English literature.”, you introduced yourself. 
I know who you are, Felix wanted to tell you, The damn sound your fingernails make on your stupid keyboard drives me fucking crazy. But he didn’t say a word. 
“Yeah, I know.”, he simply said. 
You seemed surprised to hear those words. “Oh, that’s great… Listen, I need to ask you a favor.”
You? Ask him a favor? 
He nodded, signaling you to continue. “It’s about the project. The problem is, I’m not that confident with my English, but I also don’t want to fail the presentation. I need the credits.”, you took a brief pause. “I know your English is flawless, and that’s why I need your help.” 
“Are you asking me to do the presentation with you?”, his words caught you off-guard. 
“I… Yes, basically.”, you admitted. “Unless you already have a partner, in that case just pretend I didn’t say anything.”
“I don’t.”, he quickly replied. Too quickly. “We can do the presentation together.” 
You seemed relieved, and a big smile spread on your face. “Great. Thank you! I’ll buy you a boba or a coffee or whatever you prefer as a thank you. Just not right now, I have an upcoming class and I absolutely can’t skip it.” 
You opened the huge bag you were carrying and quickly pulled out a pen and a note pad. Felix couldn’t help but notice how well organized the inside of your bag was. Were you some kind of control freak? Before he knew it, you were handing him a piece of paper. 
“Here’s my phone number. You can text or whatever, and we’ll schedule our work.” Felix nodded, but before he could even say something, you excused yourself. “I’m very sorry but I really have to go now. See you in class!”
And you were gone. Again. 
Felix swore he’d never saved a phone number that fast. And he disliked that.
🀄︎
Felix’s bass was laying on his friend’s couch - had been for half an hour, truth be told, since Jisung had asked his band members to take a break from rehearsal. The more he looked at it, the more Felix liked his bass. It was a gift from his grandfather’s when Felix was only fourteen years old, before he moved from Australia. It was Felix’s most prized possession, he had no doubt about it, and he took really good care of it. 
“I texted Bee.” Hyunjin spoke to Felix, a half empty bottle of beer in his hand. What about your stamina now?, Felix thought to himself. 
Felix looked at his friend with a confused look on his face. “Who the fuck is Bee?”, he asked wit his eyebrows furrowed. Was he supposed to know this Bee? He was pretty sure he didn’t know anyone with that name. 
“The girl from the coffee shop. That’s not her real name, but she told me that’s what everyone calls her.” Hyunjin explained. “It’s because of her favorite colors, black and yellow.”
That’s a shitty nickname, Felix thought. “Did she block you?” Felix joked, and his friend threw a pillow at him. 
“Yah! For your information, she was more than happy I contacted her.” Hyunjin said, proud of himself. 
Felix wanted to remind his friend that the note she’d written her number on was originally meant to be for him, but he didn’t. He didn’t care about her, so there was no point in pointing it out. 
“I’m going out with her this weekend.” He added. “So you’ll stay at home working on that stupid project like a loser” Hyunjin rose his finger and thumb in the shape of an ‘L’ in front oh Felix’s face “while I’ll be busy getting laid.” 
Felix scoffed. He could get laid any time if he wanted to. “I hope your dick falls off before this weekend.”, he chuckled, and Hyunjin playfully pushed him by the shoulder.
“Who’s gonna get laid?” Jisung asked, coming back into the room, Jeongin right behind him. 
“Not Felix.” Hyunjin teased, earning a glare from his friend. “He’s too busy being a nerd.”, he stressed the word ‘nerd’ a bit too much. 
“Hyunjin, one more word and I’ll punch you in the face.” Felix warned him. 
Fuck what his stupid friend was saying, Felix wasn’t a nerd for focusing on a project, was he? Plus, it’s not like he had to study all day, he could always go out and find someone to hook up with, or maybe hit one of his old booty calls up. Whatever he decided to do, one thing was sure: Felix wasn’t turning into a nerd nor a loser. He himself wouldn’t allow it. 
It was in this moment that he realized he still hadn’t contacted you. Fuck, it’d been a day since he’d saved your contact, and he still hadn’t reached out to you. He swiftly took his phone out of his pockets and opened your chat, still empty, ready to type something, anything. 
Felix here. Sorry if I haven’t contacted you sooner, I’ve been busy. 
Busy. That was a strong word, considering that he’d spent the previous afternoon laying in his bed pumping his bare cock with his fist in order to release some tension, but you didn’t need to know that. And neither did his friends, or he wouldn’t let him live it down. 
“You there?” Jisung asked him. 
Felix locked his phone and put it back in his pocket. “Yep. Let’s pick up from where we left.”
He picked his bass up from the couch and connected it with the speaker. 
🀄︎
You were panicking. A whole day had passed and Felix hadn’t contacted you. What if was having second thoughts? What if he didn’t want to be your project partner anymore? You’d have to find a new partner, but they’d probably be all taken by now. Why did you even choose to attend an English literature class when your English practically sucks?
“I knew it.” Lia, your friend, interrupted your train of thought with a scoff. “Why would you even ask Lee Felix to help you anyways? The guy’s a scumbag.”, she emphasized the last word, and you snorted at that. Yeah, Lia wasn’t the type to beat around the bush. 
“I just need him to help me write that damn essay - I need a good grade if I want to apply for the scholarship.”, you groaned out of frustration, covering your face with both of your hands as you leaned back on your friend’s couch. 
“Yeah, but his grades suck. What were you expecting from a guy like him? He doesn’t even show up to classes, why would he care about a project?”
Felix’s grades weren’t the best, you were aware of that, but you weren’t the type of person to judge her peers by their scores on academic tests, you knew it was bullshit. So, you didn’t give a shit about Felix’s grades, knowing damn well that grades don’t define a person. 
“I don’t know, Lia, I-“ you were interrupted by the low buzz of your phone. “It’s him!”, you almost screamed as soon as you read the message on your screen. “Thank God - he hasn’t bailed on me!” 
Lia scoffed, but you didn’t pay attention to her. The only thing that mattered was that Felix hadn’t canceled on you and was still in for the project, and it was all that mattered to you in that moment. Your average was safe, and that was a relief, or you wouldn’t hear the end of it from your parents. 
Stupid strict parents and stupid rules. 
Hi Felix! It’s okay. Do you want to meet up tomorrow? For the project, of course. 
You quickly typed your reply and sent it to him, although he didn’t text you back until nearly two hours later. Not that you were impatiently waiting for him to reply…
Sure.
Perfect! I was thinking about the campus library? During lunch break, perhaps? Sounds okay?
Meet you there.
🀄︎
Felix didn’t know where the fucking library was. Truth be told, he didn’t even know there was a library in the building. 
None of his friends had ever gone to the library, so he had to find on the fucking campus map which floor the library was at. What kind of place is this?, was his first thought as soon as he stepped inside the room. It was practically deserted, and he wondered why you hadn’t chosen a cafe or literally anyplace else. 
He spotted you as soon as the librarian let him in after checking his badge. You were sitting alone - of course, he thought to himself - with your computer on and your books open on the table. 
“You’re late.”, you stated as soon as he reached your table. Your head snapped up to meet his unbothered expression, as if he didn’t even care he made you wait for him for nearly an hour. 
Because he didn’t care. 
“As a matter of fact,” he started “lunch break isn’t over yet. Technically, I’m not late.”, he smirked. 
You scoffed, annoyed at his attitude. “Technically,” you mocked his tone, “you are. Lunch break ends in less than fifteen minutes.”
He sat before you. “There’s a lot of things that can be done in fifteen minutes.”, he grinned.
“Well, a project most definitely isn’t one of them.”, you barked. Why was he acting like an asshole right now? If he didn’t want to participate he could have said that, so you wouldn’t be wasting your time. “Listen, if you don’t want to work together, just say it. I’ll get someone else to help me.”, you spat. 
Felix was taken aback by your words. He wasn’t expecting you to lash out like that. You must really care about this damn project, he guessed. 
“I’m sorry.”, he sighed. He didn’t give a shit about his grades, but that didn’t mean that everyone else was like him. You clearly took this project way more seriously than he did, and he had to at least respect that. “I should’ve showed up on time.”, he apologized, sincerely. 
You looked at him through your lashes, still unsure whether you should trust him or not. “You should have”, you sighed “But it’s okay.”, you eventually gave in. “Just… From now on, if you know you’re going to be late, at least text me so I’ll know.”
He nodded understandingly, and felt a bit guilty for behaving like a dickhead. And he disliked it. He was a bad boy, and bad boys don’t feel guilty for hurting one’s feelings, right?
“It’s not gonna happen again. I promise.”
His piercing brown eyes were staring into yours. You nodded, then gave him a hint of a smile, content with the change in his behavior. 
“So… I was thinking Shakespeare.” Felix looked at you confused, his eyebrows furrowed. “For the project.”, you clarified. 
“Oh, right.”, he cleared his throat. 
Felix’s reaction kind of surprised you. Hadn’t he listened to your professor’s explanation? Was he even paying attention during class? 
“You do know what the project has to be about, right?”, you inquired, quirking one eyebrow at him. 
“Yeah. I mean… kinda?”, he scratched the nape of his neck, a bit embarrassed that you’d caught him.
You looked at him dumbfounded, realizing he had no clue what you were talking about. Maybe your friend Lia was right, maybe asking Lee Felix of all people for help was not your brightest idea…
“We have to choose one author and present a couple of their works to the class.”, you explained, he was listening carefully. “I was thinking that we could to an analysis of how the author’s perception of feelings changes and evolves throughout his major works and sonnets.”
Felix was sincerely impressed by your organization and method. It was only the first time you two met to talk about the project and you already had a whole scheme prepared. Maybe that’s why your grades were insanely high and his were, well… terrible. 
“Fine by me.”, he agreed with your suggestion.
“Okay, then. Next time we meet we can choose  specifically what to work on, does that sound okay?”, you asked, and he nodded. 
Then, to his surprise, you stood up from your chair and started recollecting all of your stuff. He couldn’t help but notice how you placed your books back in your bag, careful not to fold any of the pages or damage them in any way. Fuck, he wasn’t even sure he had bought the damn books. You truly were different than him in more ways he could’ve imagined. 
“You’re leaving already?” Felix sounded perplexed. 
“Already?”, you chuckled. “I’ve waited here for you for forty-five minutes.”, you remarked. “The break’s over and I have classes to attend. Text me when you’re free so we can meet again.”
And at the speed of light, you were out of the library and of Felix’s sight. 
🀄︎
That day, your encounter took place in a boba shop.
To your surprise, it was Felix who suggested the place, asking you if you could please meet somewhere else next time, and then suggested a nice boba shop - your favorite, but he couldn’t know that. It was a rather quiet place and it had comfortable, large tables so that you could also bring your pc and books. 
This time, Felix showed up on time. Actually, he had arrived early. When you reached the place, he was already there, waiting for you. You approached him, and you couldn’t help but notice there were two bubble teas on the table. One was of a yellowish color with red bobas, and the other was- oh. 
“This is for you.” Felix said, pointing at the matcha latte bubble tea with tapioca peals in it. Specific.
“How did you know this was my favorite flavor?”, you furrowed your eyebrows. 
Felix gulped, caught off guard. He couldn’t tell you he’d noticed you walking around on campus with a cup of matcha latte since day one, now, could he? It’d make him look like a total creep, and he wasn’t. He just had a great memory… maybe.
“I didn’t.”, he lied. “What are the odds, huh?”, he chuckled, hoping the embarrassed laugh he’d let out wouldn’t give his white lie away. 
You thanked him for the boba, slightly blushing, and then sat next to him. You took off your jeans jacket, then proceeded to take your computer and books out of your bag. Then, you turned to Felix with a book in your hands. 
“This is for you.”, you told him, handing it to him. 
He looked at you confused, but took it anyways. A book of Shakespeare’s minor works and sonnets, a parallel text edition. He opened it, and quickly leafed through it. No, it wasn’t a book, it was your book. It had little pen-written notes on the border of some pages and even a couple of sticky notes here and there with your thoughts. 
“It’s part of my collection.”, you continued. “I just thought you’d find it useful, you know, for our research.”
He closed the hard-covered book, then placed it on the table. “Thank you. You really like Shakespeare, don’t you?”, he chuckled, and you cracked a smile as well. 
“I do.”, you nodded. “I’ve read all of his major works at least once. Have you ever read something of him?”, you asked. 
Felix thought about it for a solid ten seconds, then remembered that one time when his teacher back in Australia made him read the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet during spring break. How was he supposed to tell you he didn’t like it? You were apparently Shakespeare’s biggest fan or something. So, he shook his head as a no, hoping you wouldn’t think any less of him. Not that he cared, of course.
“Then I hope you’ll love this book as much as I do.”, you gave him a warm smile.
You spent the whole afternoon discussing how to write the essay, how many chapters should it consist of, which sources to consult and stuff like that. You even wrote down on a pad your schedule and when every chapter should be due. Felix was sincerely amazed by your dedication, and couldn’t help but stare at you the whole time while you explained every single detail to him - how you’d bite on your lower lip while scribbling something on the paper sheet, how you’d gently move locks of hair from your face, how you’d - wait, what?
The boba shop was now almost empty, and so were your cups of bubble tea, long forgotten on the table as you and Felix kept on talking about which works you should include in your essay. The sudden ring of Felix’s phone signaling he got a message brought you back to reality.
“Fuck.”, he cussed under his breath. 
You looked at him confused, quirking an eyebrow at him. “Is something wrong?”, you asked him, preoccupied by his reaction. 
He locked his phone and place it on the table. “I’m so sorry, but I have to go. I forgot I had made plans with my friends tonight, and it’s already 8:20pm.”
Your eyes widened. “8:20pm?”, you gasped.
It was super late. Plus, you lived on the other side of the city, and it’d take forever to go back right now, especially since you didn’t have a car and moved around the city essentially by bus and stuff. 
Felix nodded. “Everything alright?”
You stood up, quickly recollecting your stuff from the table and putting everything back in your bag. “Yeah, it’s just… It’s super late and there are no buses after 8:30 pm, so I’m kind of in a rush.”, you explained. 
“Do you need a ride home?” Those words left Felix’s mouth almost automatically, before he could even stop himself. 
You stopped in your tracks right when you were about to put your jacket on. You thought about Felix’s proposal. You could really use a ride home, so his offer sounded pretty tempting. 
“I mean…”, you trailed. “I wouldn’t want to bother you.” 
“You’re not bothering me.” 
Oh. 
“Then I could really use a ride home, thank you.”, you smiled at him and he smiled back. “Is your car parked around here?”
Felix smirked, and you frowned, confused. Only when you reached the parking lot you discovered Felix didn’t drive a car. No, Lee Felix’s vehicle was a fucking motorcycle. A huge one at that. Of a polished black color nonetheless. You had to admit - it looked pretty badass, but also intimidating.
You turned to him with your mouth agape and a shocked expression. “You didn’t tell me you ride a motorcycle!” 
“You didn’t ask.”, he shrugged. 
Touché. 
“I’ve - I’ve never…”, you muttered, embarrassed to admit you’d never even been on one before. 
To say you were scared would be an understatement. 
“You’ve never been on one?”, he teased, sensing your anxiety. When you shook your head, he gave you a sympathetic smile. “It’s not that scary, I promise.”, he tried to reassure you. 
“Do you have a helmet?”, you asked, nervous. 
He nodded. “Yeah, I do have a spare one. I’m not that reckless.”, he chuckled and you sighed out of relief when he handed you your helmet. You looked at him embarrassed to tell him you didn’t know how to put it on properly. “Want me to help you?”
You nodded. 
He came closer to you with the black helmet in his hands. He was now so close to you you could actually feel his hot breath against your skin, and that sent shivers down your spine. He put the helmet on your head carefully, and you were thankful he couldn’t see your cheeks turn red when his fingers delicately brushed your jaw and neck as he secured it. 
“Ready?”, he asked you, inserting his skinny, veiny hands in his leather gloves, helmet already on and secured. 
You nodded, timidly hopping on the vehicle. “Mh-hm”, you hummed, not fully convinced by the new experience you were about to make. You weren’t scared, no, you were literally a second away to shitting your pants. 
“Hop on.”, he tapped on the leather seat.
You can do it, you thought. It could not be that hard, could it? The moment you hopped on Felix’s motorcycle, you felt like you were about to faint. It didn’t feel safe at all, and you were afraid of falling even before he started the engine. 
“You might wanna put your arms around me.”, he told you. “So that you don’t fall.”, he quickly added, clearing his throat.
He disliked the way he was hoping to feel your touch. But what he hated even more, was how he felt his stomach twist the way he actually felt your arms around his waist. It’s just a physical reaction, he thought, it means nothing. The second he started the engine, he could feel your hands gripping his t-shirt tight, and his heart skipped a beat. And he didn’t like it at all. 
“Where do you live?”, he asked you, desperately trying to ignore the way his heart was hammering in his chest. 
🀄︎
The ride home lasted less than you thought. 
The second Felix turned the engine off, you hopped off the motorcycle as fast as you could, legs shaking a bit. Truth be told, the ride home was much less terrifying than you thought, but you were thankful it was finally over nonetheless. 
“Here, let me help you take this off.” Felix told you as he came closer. 
His fingers fidgeted a bit with the helmet, before he was finally able to unhook it and slide it off your head, your faces were only inches apart once again. He couldn’t help but notice how cute you were with your hair all messy and all over your face. Was this how you looked post-sex?, he couldn’t help but wonder. Your hair all over your flustered face, lips swollen and cheeks red-.
Wait, what? 
Where was this coming from? He immediately brushed that thought away from his stupid head. 
“So, was it that terrible?”, he asked you. 
You shook your head as a no. “Thought it would be worse.”, you chuckled, quickly combing your hair with your hands, and he smiled. “I actually enjoyed it.”
“Would you do it again?”, he blurted without thinking too much about what he was saying. 
You looked at him surprised. Was it an invitation? What were you supposed to say? “Yes.”, you shot back. 
Felix was surprised. Why had he asked you such a stupid question in the first place? He didn’t like you. That’s what he kept telling himself. The more he spent time with you, the more he repeated those four-slash-five words inside his head. He. Didn’t. Like. You. 
But then why was his heart beating so fast in his chest?
“Oh.” Felix gulped hard. “That’s… nice.”
Gosh, if his friends saw him now they’d tease him until the day he died for being so weird and awkward in front of a woman. He usually had no problem when it came to talking to girls. In fact, he was kind of a pro at that, followed by Hyunjin - he was a real playboy, to sugarcoat it.  
You smiled at him. “Then I guess I’ll see you next time?”
Felix nodded. “I’ll read the book, then.”
“Perfect.”
“I, uh… I have to go now.”, he cleared his throat. “Stuff to do.”
“Right, your friends.”, you remembered. “See you soon.”, you cracked a smile, and he did the same. 
“Bye, y/n.”
🀄︎
“Dude, I’m telling you, she sucks cock like a pro.” Hyunjin sighed, kicking his head back on Jeongin’s couch. “Thought I’d pass out.”, he groaned. 
“Was she that good?” Jeongin asked him, genuinely curious. 
Felix was confused about how they ended up talking about how well did Hyunjin’s new fling - Bee - sucked cock. Things escalated pretty quickly, he thought. 
“The best.” Hyunjin answered. “The second my cock hit the back of her throat I was already cumming hard. Dude, I’m telling you, she’s amazing.”, then he turned to Felix, smirking. “You really missed out on a lot, Yongbok-ah."
Felix glared at him and clenched his jaw at the mention of his Korean name. One of these days he was seriously going to punch Hyunjin for being such a pain in the ass. He decided not to say anything, though, and simply shrugged. He didn’t care about Hyunjin’s latest conquest then, and he most definitely didn’t care about her now. 
“She acted all cute and stuff and then just- woah. Mind-blowing.” Hyunjin went on with his story, clearly not reading the room. 
As soon as Felix heard those words, though, he couldn’t help but think of you. You too acted all shy and cute, sweet and innocent. Would you also be good at sucking cock?, Felix wondered, then mentally slapped himself. Seriously, what was wrong with him? For the second time in less than an hour, inside his head had popped up very non-chaste thoughts involving you, and he couldn’t figure out why. Maybe it had been too long since he’d last gotten laid, maybe he just needed to release some tension, or maybe he’d had too much to drink. 
“I think we’ve talked enough about your girl’s… skills.” Felix cleared his throat, opening the case of his electric bass before taking the instrument out. 
It had been around thirty minutes since they’d gathered in Jeongin’s basement and they still hadn’t played a single song. 
“Buzzkill.” Hyunjin muttered under his breath, but Felix decided to ignore him. “By the way, how’s it going with your project? How’s your partner, is she hot?”, he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, earning a glare from his friend. 
“We have to work together, I’m not thinking about fucking her.” Felix scoffed. 
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. First, he’d thought about how would your face and hair look after sex, and now, apparently, was wondering about your oral-giving skills. 
“Too bad, she does look hot.” Jisung shrugged. Felix turned his head so fast to look at his friend he almost broke his neck. How did Jisung know how you looked? How did he even know who you were? “Woah, dude, relax, I’m not trying to take your girl away from you.” Jisung joked, teasing his friend about his sudden reaction. 
“She’s not my girl.” Felix barked. “She’s just my partner for this stupid project.”, he scoffed. His friends exchanged a quick look, and decided not to go any further and to just drop the subject for good. “Now are we finally going to play something or not?”, he barked, and none of his friends dared to say another word. 
🀄︎
That night, Felix tossed in his sheets for hours, unable to fall asleep. He’d been staring at his ceiling for the past hour, but his eyes just wouldn’t fucking close and his stupid brain wouldn’t let him fucking rest. At first, he’d blamed it on the alcohol, and swore he’d never drink that much on weekdays. He’d drunk so much he had to leave his motorcycle at Jeongin’s and walk back home. Luckily for him, Jeongin lived about ten minutes away from him, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. 
As he tossed in his sheets for the umpteenth time, he made the fucking mistake of brushing one hand against his crotch, and his stupid cock decided to suddenly wake up and was now rock hard inside his sweats. Felix sighed, pulling his sweats down, knowing there was just one thing he could to to make his stupid boner go away. 
He whimpered as soon as he wrapped his own fingers around his bare cock. He began to slowly pump himself, not really in the mood to do this now. He used a couple of fingers to messily spread his arousal all over his pink, sensitive tip, and started stroking himself a little faster. 
Then, another weird thought popped up in his mind. 
He started fantasizing about your hand wrapped around him, gently stroking his cock, instead of his own, and he felt his member instantly twitch in his hand. He imagined your delicate, tapered fingers around the base of his thick cock, then all the way up his tip, then down to his base again, and he couldn’t help but notice how he started leaking more and more pre-cum to the thought of you. 
At first it was the thought of your hand and fingers, but then he started imagining your mouth wrapped around him - your hot, wet tongue swirling around his hard member, and he couldn’t help but let out another whimper as he moved his hand faster and faster. 
He imagined you, bobbing you head up and down his length, taking him deeper in your mouth until the tip reached the back of your throat, and he came with a deep, hoarse grunt - all over his hand and abdomen, some of his cum landing on his black tank top. He came so hard it took a couple of minutes for him to regain his breath, he hadn’t had a mind-blowing orgasm like this in a long while. 
He cleaned himself up and changed into a clean t-shirt and a new pair of underwear, before returning to bed, already feeling sleepy, and the next thing he knew, he was already falling asleep like a baby. 
🀄︎
Felix was now outside your house for the second time in less than a week. It was a Saturday, and you’d texted him that morning telling him that you weren’t going to make it to your daily study appointment because you’d missed the bus. 
That’s when he’d come up with the worst idea he’d had in months, maybe years. 
“No problem, I’ll pick you up”, he’d texted you, then mentally slapped himself immediately after he’d pressed the ‘send’ button. 
As soon as he rang your doorbell, he hard a faint meow coming from inside your apartment, and then he noticed the black cat sat on your windowsill, which was looking at Felix through the glass. 
“Hi!”, you opened the door suddenly, and he almost jolted up. 
“Hey.”, he greeted you. 
He then felt something tugging at his skinny jeans, and when he lowered his gaze, he saw that same black cat that was previously inside your house - now grasping on his pants with its little, yet sharp, claws. “Oh, hello to you too.”, he smiled at the animal, kneeling to pet it. 
“Well that’t unusual.”, you commented. Felix’s head snapped in your direction. “I mean,” you started “He usually isn’t affectionate with total strangers.”
“Oh, he’s a he?” Felix asked, still petting your cat, which was now purring happily. “What’s his name?”
“Salem.”, you said, kneeling down as well, and your cat meowed at you. “He’s a little bitch sometimes, but he’s so cute I can’t stay mad at him.”
“He is cute.” Felix remarked. 
“Let me get him inside and then we can go.”, you told him and he nodded. 
But the cat grasped harder on Felix’s pants. “Seems like he doesn’t want me to go.” Felix joked, picking up the cat in his arms, cuddling him. The cat purred happily in Felix’s arms.
“We can… study here, if you want. It’s quiet and you’d get to pet Salem.”, you suddenly spoke. Felix looked taken aback, and blinked a few times. “But - if you want to go somewhere else that’s totally fine.”, you quickly added, but he interrupted you. 
“No, it’s okay. Plus, I’d get to spend more time with this cutie.”, he said then booped at Salem’s little nose. 
You smiled at him, then got up. “Then come on in.”
Salem seemed to adore Felix. He’d literally been around him all afternoon, and even when you were working on your project, that little ball of black fur stood beside Felix all the time, and when he was not beside Felix, he was onto his lap, looking incredibly comfortable. 
You studied for the whole afternoon until your clock hit 7pm. Felix realized it’d been the longest he’d been inside a girl’s apartment without taking his clothes off. Then, he realized it’d also been the longest he’d spent with his books open, actually reading them. Maybe Hyunjin was right - maybe he was turning into a nerd.
“Do you want to eat here?”, you turned to look at him with your phone in your hand, interrupting his train of thought. “I’m getting pizza delivered. We can continue after we’ve eaten.”, you said, pointing at your books and school stuff.
Pizza? That sounded pretty tempting. He couldn’t even recall how long it’d been since he’d last ate pizza. Plus, he had nothing to do anyways. Hyunjin was out with whatshername and they were probably fucking each other’s brains out, and how were they supposed to rehearse without the main guitarist?
He nodded. “That sounds alright.”
That evening, Felix got bullied by youfor saying out loud his all time favorite pizza was Hawaiian pizza. To him, it tasted pretty fucking good and contained all of his favorite toppings and foods, but to you it just looked outrageous. 
“I think I’m speaking on behalf of all Italians when I say that this -”, you’d said, pointing at his carton “- should be considered a crime.”, you giggled. 
Dramatic, he’d thought. It was only pizza! How could putting pineapple on a fucking pizza be considered a crime? Plus, it tasted really fucking good in his opinion.
Anyhow, half an hour and two empty cartons of pizza later, you were back to work. The room was quiet, and the only things that could be heard were the sound of Felix’s fingers leafing through the book you’d lent him and Salem’s content purring. He was cuddled up on Felix’s lap, and demanded he pet him every now and then. 
“Why does he like you so much?”, you blurted out suddenly, taking a break from whatever the hell you were doing on your computer. 
Felix looked at you with his eyebrows furrowed. “Who?”
“Salem.”, you said, and the cat meowed. “I told you, he doesn’t like strangers. He used to bite and scratch my ex all the time. He still scratches my friends whenever they come over!”, you giggled. 
Felix’s stomach twisted unexpectedly at the mention of your ex’s name, and he cringed at his own reaction. Why was he feeling like this? He wasn’t jealous, he couldn’t be. Because if he was jealous, then it’d mean that he liked you, and he didn’t. 
Felix didn’t like you, period. You were just helping each other with this stupid essay shit. You were just colleagues, peers, fellow students or whatever the fuck it was that you two were. Nothing more. That’s what he kept telling himself. Sure, you were attractive, it was undeniable, but Felix was positive he didn’t feel anything for you. 
“He must really like me, then.” Felix smiled, scratching Salem’s chin, and the cat happily purred in response. 
“I guess he does.”, you smiled back, patting the cat’s head as well. 
🀄︎
Felix woke up and felt something warm on his stomach. As soon as he opened his eyes, still a bit sleepy, and lowered his gaze - he realized it was Salem. The cat was peacefully sleeping on top of Felix’s body. Then, Felix realized his whole body was covered with a soft blanket. Huh? Had he fallen asleep? At your place? How did it happen? When? Then, he spotted you, still on your computer and with your books open.
“Oh, you’re awake.”, you stated, noticing the sudden movements of Felix’s figure. “You fell asleep while reading.”, you chuckled.
Felix was still a bit sleepy and confused. “What time is it?”, he yawned. 
You double-checked on your pc. “Ten past midnight.”
“I guess I should go then.” Felix raised his body as to sit on the couch, and that caused Salem to inevitably jolt up with a very unpleased meow. 
You nodded and stood up from the chair to help him recollect his things and fold the blanket you’d lent him. However, Salem had another plan in mind, because he decided to just make you stumble and fall right on the couchYou and Felix were now so close you could feel his breath on your lips, and just like the first time, it made you blush and shiver because of your sudden proximity. 
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Salem made me trip, I-…”, you stuttered, trying to find the proper words to say. 
“It’s okay.”
Unexpectedly, Felix brought one hand to your cheek, and gently brushed away one lock of hair. The light touch of the pads of his fingers on your skin made your stomach twist - his delicate touch was in contrast with the way his hands looked, decorated with chunky, heavy rings and with black polish on each of his fingernails. You had to physically swallow the lump in your throat when you felt Felix’s nose brushing against yours just mere seconds later. 
“Right, uhm - I’ll go.”, he cleared his throat, feeling your body tense up under his touch.
You quickly moved away, giving Felix enough space to get up. Now, his body was towering above yours, and your head snapped up to meet his eyes and this time, he could feel it. It wasn’t discomfort nor awkwardness what you felt whenever you were around him - it was attraction. You were now looking at him and expecting him to do something, and that he did. 
He cupped your face in his hands, then nuzzled his nose against yours once again. Then, he looked you in the eye in search for any sign of uncertainty or second thoughts, but there was none. So, instead of waiting for him to make a move, you closed the gap between you, and placed your lips on top of his. He froze in his spot for a couple of seconds, then started kissing you back. His hands moved from your face to your hips, grabbing you by the waist as he deepened the kiss as you ran your hand through his dark hair, gently tugging at it, earning a deep grunt from him. 
When one of his hands moved to squeeze your ass and grip it firmly, you let out a soft whimper, which caught Felix by surprise. He pulled you closer to his body, without any intention of breaking the kiss, and you could now feel his erection pressed against your lower half. 
You slowly pulled away from the kiss, and Felix grunted in disapproval, pecking your lips once more. “Bedroom?”, you whispered on his lips, looking at him through your eyelashes. 
Felix swallowed the lump in his throat as he repeated your question inside his head again and again. Would it really be a smart decision to sleep with you? Fuck it, he thought, then kissed you again. “Yes.”, he muttered in-between kisses. 
How the two of you even made it to your bedroom without pulling away from each other was a mystery. As soon as Felix entered your bedroom, he kicked the door closed, leaving an upset Salem out of the room - which meowed in disapproval. 
Your body sunk in the soft mattress - Felix was still kissing you, his body hovering over yours. You opened your legs to welcome him between them, and you both moaned at the contact of your clothed cores pressed together. His kisses slowly moved from your lips to your jawline first, then to your neck. When he started to leave wet, sloppy kisses on your collarbone, you let out a whimper and tugged at his hair, careful not to hurt him. 
“Can I take this off?” Felix mumbled against your skin, his hands toying with the hem of your t-shirt. 
You nodded, and then you felt his hands slowly lift it up before he removed it completely - tossing it somewhere in your room without a care in the world. You were still wearing a bra, though, and Felix couldn’t help but bite his lower lip once he noticed it was actually see-through and he could in fact take a proper glimpse of your nipples. 
All of his friends were ass guys, but Felix’s preference for boobs was no secret. And right now, as his eyes witnessed your half-naked body laying under his, he could think of nothing else other than your boobs and how much he wanted to touch, squeeze, lick and bite them. He felt his cock twitch inside his underwear at the mere thought of his lips and tongue being anywhere near your nipples, and his pants were now so tight it was actually starting to hurt. 
You seemed to have read his mind, because you suddenly spoke. “Take them off.”
He kneeled between your legs and swiftly removed his tank top - revealing his tattoos in the process - and his veiny fingers began fidgeting with his belt first, and then with the zipper of his pants. He mentally cursed himself for choosing to wear skinny jeans that day, which right now felt even tighter because of how hard he was. He eventually got up from the bed to remove them completely, and was now in his underwear only.
“Can I take off yours, too?”, he asked you, and you nodded, unzipping your jeans as well.
He helped you slide them off your legs, then placed his body back between your thighs. He couldn’t help but notice how your panties and bra were matching and how they were made of the same see-through material, and grunted when he took a glimpse of the outline of your pussy. When he pressed his body back on yours, your eyes widened and you moaned at the sudden feeling of his barely clothed cock right against your clit. Now, without the layers of both of your pants, you could feel him almost entirely, and he was much harder than you thought. Another thing left you speechless - you felt something cold directly on your nipples, and that’s when it hit you. 
Lee Felix had nipple piercings. Two of them, pressing on your nipples. As if his tongue piercing wasn’t enough to drive you crazy.
His lips returned to where they previously were - on your collarbone. This time, he brought one hand to cup your breasts over the fabric of your bra, and you let out a choked moan when the pad of his index and middle finger brushed against your sensitive nipple. When you arched your back, Felix understood the assignment and quickly moved his hand to unclasp your bra. You quickly slid the straps off your arms and let your bra fall somewhere on the floor. 
Felix took one of your nipples between his fingers as soon as he got the chance to, and you kicked your head back in pleasure when you felt his lips and tongue on the other one. He licked and sucked on one nipple, delicately twisting the other one between the pads of his fingers. “Perfect tits.”, he moaned against your skin.
“Felix.”, you moaned when you felt his teeth delicately scrape your sensitive flesh, and Felix could swear he’d never heard a more erotic sound in his whole life. The way you just moaned his name was somehow so addicting, and he wished you’d never stop repeating his name like that, so desperate and needy for him. 
His hand then moved all over your body until it brushed against your clothed pussy, in desperate need of hearing you moan his name once again. “Can I?”, he pulled away from your nipple to ask you if he could slip his fingers inside the fabric of your panties. 
“Yes, fuck. Yes.”, you breathed out, desperate to feel his fingers right there - on the most sensitive part of your body. 
When Felix slipped two of his fingers inside your panties, you almost felt embarrassed about how wet you were. He’d barely even touched you there and his fingers were already soaked in your arousal. His fingers moved up and down your slit a couple of times, allowing him to coat them in your wetness, before he spoke. 
“Tell me how you like to be touched.”, he whispered on your lips.
Your eyes widened and you gasped. Fuck, he was really something. No one had ever spoken to you that way before, and you had to admit it turned you on even more. You lifted your body up on your elbows, and found his piercing eyes staring right into yours. 
You stuttered, clearly embarrassed by his straightforwardness. 
Suddenly, Felix moved his fingers from your slit to your clit, and you whimpered. “Do you like it when I touch you here?”, he asked to make sure you were enjoying it as much as he was. You nodded, incapable of thinking straight, let alone speaking. 
He started drawing imaginary, circular shapes on your clit with the pads of his index and middle fingers, damp with your wetness. It was all so new and intense, and Felix definitely knew what he was doing, touching you like that. You wondered how many times he’d done this before, but immediately shook that thought off your mind, not wanting to think about Felix’s previous hookups when right now he was with you - his hand in your panties trying to get you off. 
“Felix…”, you whimpered, close to finally reaching your high. 
“You close already?” Felix whispered, unable to tear his eyes off of you. Your face was all flustered, your cheeks were incredibly red as heavy breaths came out of your mouth, slightly agape. You nodded vehemently, and he grunted. “You are? You’re gonna come for me?”
His words made something inside of you snap, and before you knew it, you were already reaching your high and let out a choked moan, shutting your eyes close as pleasure washed all over your body. “Good girl.” Felix praised you, as he felt you coat his fingers in your release. “Fuck, baby girl, you made a mess on my fingers.”
Your heart fluttered at the unexpected pet name, although you knew he’d only said it in the heat of the moment. It took a while for you to regain your breath, still overwhelmed by the intensity of your orgasm. 
“It’s my turn to touch you now.”, you then whispered on his lips, palming his cock over his black boxers. 
“Do you want me to lie down?” Felix murmured. 
You nodded, and he lay on his back on the soft mattress, next to you. His fingers slipped inside the hem of his underwear, and he slowly dragged his boxers down his legs before he kicked them off for good, which allowed his hard cock to slap on his naked abdomen. Your eyes widened when you saw it.
He was bigger than you thought, and for a second you were scared you wouldn’t be able to fit all of him inside of you. It had been a while since you’d last been intimate with a man - since you’d broken up with your ex, precisely. But your body craved Felix’s, and you couldn’t wait to feel him closer. 
When you wrapped your fingers around his thick base, he let out an husky breath. Then, you decided to ask him the same question he’d asked you minutes before. “How do you like it?”, you whispered, nuzzling your nose against his jawline, which made him shiver. 
He cleared his throat. “Just… move it up and down. Slowly, but not too slow.” You nodded, then did as he said, not missing the way he hissed when he felt your fingers reach the pink, sensitive tip of his cock. “Now spit.”
You were taken aback. What were you supposed to spit on? Your palm? His dick? Both? No man had ever been so… straightforwardwith you in bed before, or at least not in the way Felix had been so far. 
He seemed to have sensed your confusion. “Just spit on your palm and fingers and then spread it all over the tip. It’ll be easier this way.”, he instructed. 
The wetness he felt on his members mere seconds later, had Felix kick his head back in pleasure. You continued to move your hand up and down, slowly stroking his length until your saliva dried. That’s when you moved to actually spit on his cock, letting the saliva drip from your mouth, letting it end directly on Felix’s tip. 
“Oh, fuck. That was so hot.”, he groaned, then placed his hand on top of your wrist to halt your movements. “You’re really something, baby girl. Had to stop you or I would’ve come on the spot.”
You blushed at his words, and felt proud with yourself. You lay back on the mattress, and Felix positioned his bare body between your spread thighs once again. “I’m clean. Are you, baby girl?”, he asked you with his hard cock in his hand. 
You nodded, but that wasn’t the problem. You stopped him before he could align his tip with your entrance. “I- I am. It’s just - I’m not on birth control.”, your voice quivered, a bit embarrassed to admit it even though you knew it was perfectly okay and you had nothing to be ashamed of. 
Felix mentally thanked his stupid friend Jisung for throwing a condom at him a couple of days before. They’d finished rehearsing when Felix mentioned he had to leave to see you - you know, for the project. Jisung had thrown Felix a condom as a joke, and told him to Have fun, but not too much, with a cocky smirk on his face. Felix had shook his head and rolled his eyes at him, but took the condom nonetheless and put it inside his wallet and basically forgot about it until now. He never would’ve thought that stupid condom would actually come in handy. 
“It’s okay, I’ll use a condom.”, he reassured you, and you sighed out of relief. 
Once he’d retrieved his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans that were scattered on the floor, he wasted no time in taking out the condom. He quickly opened it, careful not to damage it in any way. He swiftly rolled the condom on his throbbing length before he positioned himself between your legs once again. He helped you take your panties off and then pressed his body against yours, his length resting in between your bodies. 
“Are you ready?”, he asked, moving one hand to grab his cock, right before he aligned it with your slit and coated the tip in your arousal, ready to push inside. 
“Yes.”, you whispered, and then you felt his tip parting your folds, entering you. “Just go slow, please.”, you mumbled embarrassed to be seen so vulnerable by him.
He nodded. “Tell me if it hurts.”, he grunted, the feeling of his length being squeezed by your tight walls was already too overwhelming - in a beautiful way. 
It had been a while since Felix’d last had sex - not as long as you, but still a while according to his standards - and it was much more breathtaking than he remembered. He pushed his length inside you at an excruciatingly slow pace and only halted once he was balls deep inside you. 
“You okay?”, he asked you. 
You nodded. “Yeah.”, you whimpered. 
The feeling of being stretched out for the first time in months was incredibly overwhelming, and you could feel your walls clench around Felix’s length - it burned a bit, but it was nothing unbearable. He could feel it too, and it was driving him crazy. 
Felix tensed up as soon as he heard you let out a small yelp and stopped moving in fear of hurting you. “I’m fine.”, you reassured him quickly. “It’s just - It’s been a while.”, you mumbled, embarrassed, even though there was nothing to be ashamed of. 
Felix brought his thumb to his mouth, then swirled his tongue around it before placing it on your clit. As soon as his finger touched your clit, he felt you clench tighter around him, and he let out a choked moan. He then proceeded to move his thumb in a circular motion, hoping the pleasure he was trying to bring you would help you relax around him and not feel the pain anymore.
“You can - move now.”, you whimpered. 
Felix slowly thrusted inside of you a couple of times, savoring the feeling of your tight, wet pussy clenching around him. It was much more intense than he expected - his body craved yours just like your body craved his. He was incapable of thinking straight and neither were you, too caught up in the moment and in the pleasure as he sped up his thrusts, wet sounds and heavy breaths now filling the room. 
The only thing Felix was able to think of was - you felt heavenly. Tight, wet, warm, you fit so perfectly around him he just knew he won’t be able to last as long as he’d like to. You, on the other hand, were a mess under him. You gripped the sheets tight and kicked your head back, giving Felix full access to your exposed neck. As soon as his nose and then his lips brushed against the sensitive skin of your neck, you felt shivers run down your spine. 
Felix fucked you steady and hard, making sure his cock would brush against that sweet spot inside of you with each thrust. He smirked cockily against the skin of your neck when he heard you let out a choked moan after a particularly deep snap of his hips. Even though it was the first time you slept together, you were surprised to find out Felix knew exactly what to do to drive you crazy - he was clearly much more experienced than you. Every touch, every sigh, every moan, every groan, every shiver, every bite was slowly bringing you closer and closer to the edge. 
When you felt he familiar warmth in your stomach, you ran one hand through Felix’s dark hair and gently tugged at it. He detached his lips and teeth from your neck, not even thinking about halting his movements, still thrusting inside of you - slow and deep. “You close again?”
You nodded, unable to speak properly. 
“Good.” Felix smirked, and brought his thumb on your clit once again, making sure to collect some of your wetness before he actually started touching you. “Come for me.”, he whispered in your ear with his deep voice, which sent shivers down your spine once again and caused you to finally release around him with a whimper, clenching so hard it made him see stars. 
He followed you not long after, emptying himself inside the condom with a deep grunt, thrusting sloppily inside of you until he made sure he’d spilled until the very last drop. Then, he collapsed on top of you, resting his head on top of your bare chest, and retrieved his finger from your sensitive clit. He kept giving small pecks on your skin with his plump lips, as he tried to regain his breath. 
“Sleep here tonight?”, you murmured, leaving a kiss on top of his head as you ran one hand through his hair. 
He nodded.
🀄︎
You and Felix woke up late and spent the next day in bed.
When you woke up, you had Felix’s arm wrapped around your waist - his hard-on pressing against your ass. You figured he must’ve tossed and turned in his sleep, because he most definitely wasn’t hugging you when you fell asleep. Nonetheless, it felt nice to have him this close. 
The first thing Felix did as soon as he woke up besides giving you amazing oral, was run to the closest convenience store to buy condoms - foreplay just wasn’t enough, he had to be inside you with his dick. 
“I can’t feel my legs.”, you chuckled, resting your head on top of Felix’s bare chest. He had his arm around your waist, and he was caressing your skin with the pads of his fingers - you were doing the same, tracing the outline of his tattoos with the pad of your index. 
It felt so intimate, too intimate. 
“I can’t feel my cock.” Felix chuckled. “We’ve been going at it like rabbits.”
What Felix found out that morning was - his cock just wouldn’t stop getting hard around you. You’d had sex at least four times now, and he literally couldn’t feel his muscles. Although, he had to admit, he hadn’t felt that relaxed in a long while. While you were having sex, he even made you squirt. It was totally unexpected, and you definitely didn’t know your body could do that. Felix had been buried between your legs for nearly half an hour, at first with his fingers and tongue and then with his cock. It was sudden and took both you and Felix by surprise, although it turned him on even more, if that was possible.
It was now late in the afternoon, and you were still in bed, legs tangled under the not-so-fresh-anymore sheets. 
“Have to go in an hour.” Felix spoke suddenly, his deep voice vibrated in his chest. “Rehearsal.”
“Rehearsal?”, you repeated, lifting your head to look directly at him. 
He nodded. “Yeah, I’m in a band. I mean, kinda. We’re not famous or anything, we just do it for fun.”, he explained. 
“Who’s we?”, you inquired curiously, propping yourself on your elbows so that you were looking at him.
“Well, there’s Jeongin - the drummer. He’s the youngest, actually, but he’s a beast at the drums. Then there’s Jisung, our leader and singer. Hyunjin is our guitarist, he’s fucking reckless, but not like Jeongin - Jeongin’s a hothead.”, he chuckled.
You looked at him with a big smile on your face. “What do you play?”
“Me? I’m the bassist, tho I sing too.”
“The most underrated instrument, yet the most indispensable one.”, you commented. 
“That’s what I say every time!” Felix agreed with you. “You literally can’t play anything without the bass!”
You giggled, then placed a kiss on his naked shoulder, right on his dragon tattoo. “What kind of music do you play?”, you asked, tracing the outline of his tattoos with your finger, which made him get goosebumps. 
“Oh, we play a lot of stuff actually, tho we mainly stick to punk and rock. Mainly covers for now, but my friend Jisung’s written a couple of songs so who knows, one day we’ll get to play our own songs.”, he explained.
“Oh, do you play in front of an audience?”, you asked. 
Felix shook his head as a no. “We play in our basements for now. We usually take turns, today we’re going to Hyunjin’s. But nope, never on a real stage so far.”, he sighed. “Hope we will soon, tho.”
You brought your face closer to his and pecked his lips. “Then I hope you’ll invite me to your first live stage.”, you hummed, kissing him on the lips. 
He kissed you back, gently biting on your lower lip. “I sure will.”, he whispered before attacking your lips once again. “Damn - I’d fuck you again, baby girl, but I really gotta start getting ready.”, he muttered, pulling away from you reluctantly. 
“Do you wanna shower first? I’ll wash and dry your clothes in the meantime.”, you asked, moving your body away as to allow him to get up from the bed. Felix nodded - he needed a shower.
🀄︎
“What the fuck is this smell?” Jisung snorted. He came closer to Felix until his pierced nose was practically buried in Felix’s hair, sniffing it. “It’s you! What the fuck, man, you smell like fucking flowers or something!”, he gasped dramatically.
Felix sighed. “I changed my shampoo.”, he lied. 
He hadn’t, it was your shampoo. The one he’d previously used when he showered at your place. He bit his lip at the thought of you hopping in the shower with him, then kneeling before him as you took him in your mou-.
“What’s with that smirk?” Jisung wiggled his eyebrows. As soon as Felix opened his mouth to answer his friend, Jisung interrupted him. “I know you like the back of my hands, Lee Felix. Don’t even try to lie to me. Is it a girl?”
Felix sighed. Damn Jisung, he did know him well.
“Is it your partner for that project? Were you with her?” Jisung gasped. “You had sex, din’t you?”, his friend inquired again, and when Felix didn’t answer him and only playfully elbowed him on the arm, he knew he’d gotten a bull’s eye and grinned cockily. Jisung was about to ask Felix another question, when he heard a loud thud which sounded like a door being closed shut.
“Who had sex?” Hyunjin suddenly asked, coming back into the room with four beers in his hands and a cigarette between his lips. He’d already given up on cutting off smoking, apparently. 
Felix glared at Jisung, and Jisung read the room. “Nobody, dude, we were just… talking about random stuff, nothing serious.” 
The doorbell rang. Thank God, Felix thought to himself. “This must be Jeongin, I’ll go get the door.”
🀄︎
Felix couldn’t sleep, again. 
What the fuck was he doing? He had sex with you - multiple times. You - his project partner, the girl he never thought he’d be interested in. Turns out he was, and he probably had been the whole time. The realization hit him, and left him speechless. Now - he was staring at the ceiling with his arms crossed under his head, unable to stop thinking about you. Well, technically, what he couldn’t stop thinking about was his feelings. 
For his whole life, Felix had avoided dealing with his own feelings. He didn’t have time for that shit - feelings and stuff like love. Feelings were a complicated matter, and Felix… Felix didn’t need nor want to deal with it. 
The truth was - Felix was scared. 
When he’d moved from Australia, when he was seventeen, he had also had to leave his dearest friends and his girlfriend, and it hurt like a bitch. He was forced to give up on everything he had back there and start over in a new country, far from home, where he didn’t even know anyone. He didn’t even know Korean, how was he supposed to get used to his new life? That’s when he swore to himself - he’d never get attached to anyone. Never again. It was his coping mechanism, his way to deal with the fear of having to leave everything and everyone once again. 
It had somehow worked - until you came along. 
You and your stupid project. You and your stupid love poems and sonnets and shit Felix had never heard nor read before that made something inside of him snap. You and your fucking perfect smile, and the way you looked at him with those innocent doe eyes, and your fucking lips, so fucking soft and fuck - how was he supposed to just not develop feelings for you?
This has to change, Felix thought to himself. He couldn’t go on like this. 
🀄︎
“You what?” Lia screamed, looking at you with wide eyes and her mouth agape, and so was Seungmin, both shocked by your words. “You didn’t. Please, tell me you didn’t.”, she sighed when you shook your head as a no.
Okay, maybe Lia wasn’t Felix number one fan. But you knew she only wanted to protect you. Felix had quite a reputation on campus, and Lia didn’t want you to get hurt, she knew that boys like him were no good for a girl like you. 
“You’re kidding, right?” Seungmin asked you, flabbergasted. He was your best friend - together with Lia -, and he wasn’t too fond of Lee Felix as well. “You know what they say about him, y/n! He’s not serious about girls, you’ve signed yourself up for a broken heart.” Seungmin practically scolded you like an older brother. 
You sighed and rolled your eyes at them. 
“Guys, you don’t have to worry about me.”, you reassured them. “I don’t think Felix is like everyone says.”, you smiled at them, but they weren’t convinced at all. 
“I hope so.” Seungmin pulled you in for an hug. “I’m gonna have to punch him in the face if he ever hurts you, I hope you know that.”, he joked, and you playfully pushed him even though deep down you know he was being serious. 
Seungmin was insanely protective of you, he had always been. You became friends when you were fourteen - almost ten years now, and he’d been by your side the whole time. 
“Screw him - I’ll punch you if you let that dumbass hurt you.” Lia told you dead-serious, but cracked a smile eventually. 
“No one is gonna have to punch anyone.”, you groaned, before taking a mouthful of your ice-cream. “I’ve got it covered.”
Well, that was kind of a lie. In fact, you hadn’t spoken to Felix since he’d left your house, and he hadn’t even texted you. You hadn’t met him on campus the following Monday, but you guessed it was because rehearsal with the guys must’ve finished late and he must’ve slept through his alarm - if he even had an alarm set for classes anyway, since he seemed to miss most of them anyways. However, now you were starting to worry a little. Plus, the project was due Friday and you still had to edit your essay - that’s why you were so confident he’d eventually reach out. 
Speak of the devil, one may say, because you just saw Felix in the hall with a couple of guys - one of them had long, red hair, messily styled into a bun and the other one looked like he came straight out of an anime. He was shorter than the other two, although more muscular, and he was smoking - which was severely forbidden inside of the campus, but he didn’t seem to care.
Felix hadn’t noticed you, but when his red-haired friend elbowed him and whispered something in his ear, both him and his other friend turned to your direction, and Felix’s eyes widened. He looked visibly taken aback, like a deer caught in the lights of an oncoming car. You gave him a shy smile, then timidly waved at him, not really sure how you were supposed to handle the situation. 
However, you froze in your spot when you saw Felix literally turn around without a care in the world, not even bothering to smile or wave back at you. You heard Seungmin - who was sitting next to you - hiss a fucking asshole under his breath, and you had to physically stop him from getting up and giving Felix a piece of his mind. 
“Don’t.”, you muttered under your breath, squeezing his thigh in order to calm him down. He was fuming, because how could Felix treat you like that? “I’ve got it covered.”, you repeated. “It’s okay.”
Lia was fuming. Her jaw was clenched and you knew she wouldn’t hesitate to fucking punch Felix if you gave her the green light to, just like Seungmin. But you didn’t want to cause a scene, not in the middle of the diner. Did Felix’s behavior hurt you? Yes, of course. You felt used, but even if you did cause a scene it wouldn’t really change anything, would it? Felix would be an asshole either way. 
“One word and I’ll fucking break his nose.” Seungmin clenched his jaw, and if looks could kill, Felix would be buried six-feet deep by now, and so would his stupid friends. 
The bell rang, which meant it was time to leave the diner. You, Seungmin and Lia got up in absolute silence, but you were all pissed and the looks on your faces didn’t even hide it. You cleaned the table collected all of your books and school stuff.
Unfortunately, you had to walk past Felix and his friends. As you did so, you didn’t even lookat him, gripping your books tighter with your trembling hands, heart hammering in your chest. When you walked past them, Seungmin walked so close to Felix, he actually pushed him with his shoulder. “Fucking scumbag.” Seungmin hissed. When Felix turned around, he found Seungmin and Lia glaring at him. 
Even though you couldn’t see him - walking to your upcoming class acting totally unbothered by the whole thing while deep inside you were a mess - Felix was looking at you, jaw clenched and biting his cheek, as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. However, the weight on his chest was still there as he watched you walk away, knowing that he’d hurt you. That you were upset and disappointed, and it was nobody’s fault but his. His and his stupid pride and ego. 
Maybe your friend was right - he really was a scumbag. 
🀄︎
The campus library was deserted, as per usual, but it had never been a problem to you. In fact, you liked it better like that anyway. It was quiet and you could focus on your books or researches or whatever. Right now, you were aiming to finish the project. Yep, that project, the one you were supposed to do with Felix. You scoffed at the thought of him. 
You were wearing your earphones, and that’s why you didn’t hear his steps as he got closer and closer. You just saw his tattooed fingers grab the chair in front of you, before he sat down. Of course it was him, who could it possibly be? Even though your breath hitched in your throat, you tried to remain emotionless, and didn’t even bother to remove your earphones. Only when he gently tapped on your hand with his fingers you snapped your head up in his direction, and he could tell you were not pleased to see him. Not at all. 
“What are you doing here?”, you asked him, looking at him straight in the eyes. 
He cleared his throat. “For the project.”, he said, but it came out more like a question. 
Felix knew he was supposed to say something to ease the tension, or at least apologize for acting like a true piece of shit before, in front of his friends, but no words came out of his mouth. It was as if they’d gotten stuck in his throat and he couldn’t get them out. 
“The project?”, you quirked an eyebrow at him. “I don’t need your help anymore. It’s almost finished anyways.”, you stated coldly, before turning your head to look at your computer screen. 
“What do you mean you don't need my help anymore?” Felix asked confused. 
That’s when you snapped. “I mean exactly what I said.”, you stated dead-serious, looking straight into his dark eyes. “What? I don’t exist to you when you’re in front of your friends and you don’t text me for days but the second you’re alone you come looking for me?”, you chuckled, letting out a small, sarcastic laugh. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the project and put your name in the paper if that’s what you’re scared of, I’m not a bitch. You can leave now.”
“I don’t want to leave.” Felix argued. “I want to talk.”
“You want to talk?”, you repeated. “About what?”, you crossed your arms over your chest. “Oh, maybe you want to talk about the fact that we slept together and then you didn’t even bother to call or text or, I don’t know, fucking wave back like you’re fucking ashamed of me?”
Felix was taken aback by the way you harshly spoke those words, but honestly he saw it coming. “I’m not ashamed of you. I’m sorry.”, was all he managed to get out. 
“You’re sorry?” You practically laughed at his face. “You’re not sorry for treating me that way, Felix. You’re only sorry that I pointed it out.”
“Well, it’s not like I fucking promised you anything, now did I?.” Felix had the audacity to snap. “We fucked, y/n. I know your brain probably doesn’t comprehend it because you’re like - a nun or something, but people have sex all the time and it doesn’t have to mean anything, I don’t owe you anything.”, he barked. He regretted those words ever leaving his mouth as soon as he saw you widen your eyes and freeze in your spot, but it was too late now to take them back.
“It’s not like I expected you to fucking kneel down and propose or - or I don’t know, kiss me in front of anyone or anything. We’re not together, I get it. Trust me, I do. We only fucked, didn’t we? It was nice, and it didn’t mean anything to you. But you could at least have treated me with an ounce of decency and dignity by fucking waving back instead of turning your back at me like a coward.”, you paused to regain your breath. “I thought you cared.” About me, like I care about you, you wanted to add, but chose not to.
“I’m not a coward.”, he growled, annoyed. But he knew he was indeed a coward. And I do care, he wanted to add, but chose not to. 
“Oh, I think you are.”, you chuckled. “You’re so tough, aren’t you? A bad boy, the campus heartthrob. Lee Felix can’t show any fucking emotion or what would everyone else think, am I right?”, you stood up and started recollecting all of your stuff, not wanting to be there with him any longer. 
“I thought you were different.”, you muttered, looking at him, feeling the unpleasant yet familiar knot in your stomach, and you didn’t miss the way Felix’s eyes widened. “I thought that deep down, it was all a façade, that you only pretended to be a dick and were actually very sensitive and sweet. I guess I was wrong.”, you sighed, disappointed. “I guess what everyone says is true, you really are an asshole and a scumbag. I guess that’s what I get for liking someone like you.” 
You stormed out of the library as fast as you could, not wanting Felix to see the moment the tears finally escaped from your eyes and streamed down your face. You didn’t want to cry in front of him - he didn’t deserve your tears. He didn’t deserve to witness you break down because of him. 
🀄︎
“Is everything alright, dude?” Jisung patted Felix’s thigh. “You haven’t said a word. Did something happen?”
They were alone, Jeongin and Hyunjin had gone out to buy a couple of beers and snacks. Jisung was Felix’s closest friend, if he had to be honest - he was different from Hyunjin and Jeongin, he understood him. So, Felix thought that it wouldn’t hurt him if he spoke to him about what was bothering him. 
“Yeah, something happened.”, he confirmed Jisung’s suspicions. 
“You wanna talk about it?”, Felix nodded. “Is it about y/n?”, Felix nodded again. 
He wasn’t surprised that his friend’d already figured out what his problem was, because Hyunjin and Jeongin had told him about what had happened the previous day in the hallway. Well, it’s not like they knew about Felix and you, they’d just commented on the way your friend - Seungmin - had acted, saying they thought it was pretty weird. Felix even had had to calm his friends down, or else they would’ve put up a fight with him - especially Jeongin.
“We talked. Alone. And she - she told me some… stuff.” Felix sighed. “And I guess it hurt more than I thought it would, but I guess it’s fine because I also told her some hurtful shit - that I don’t mean.”, he ran both his hands through his hair. 
“What did she tell you?” Jisung asked, and Felix proceeded to tell his friend the whole story, not leaving any detail out - he told him about the night he’d spent at your place and how he had cut off contacts with you. He told him about what had happened in the diner, the way he hurt you, the way you and your friends probably hated him by now.
Jisung wasn’t stupid at all. He figured out his friend cared about the opinion you had of him more than he wanted to show. To be honest, Jisung probably figured out Felix had started to develop feelings for you before Felix himself. He’d known for a while now, however he never brought up the subject because he didn’t want to feel like he was invading his friend’s personal space, but to him it was clear as day. 
“And then she stormed off.” Felix ended with a deep, heavy sigh. “I mean, she had every right to after what I told her, but…” Felix didn’t know exactly what he wanted to say, so he just covered his face with both of his hands and sighed again.
“Oh.” Jisung was honestly surprised. “Have you reached out to her since then?” Felix looked at his friend confused. “You know, to tell her that you like her?”
Felix almost choked on his own spit. What? Was Jisung crazy? Why would he make such an assumption? “I don’t like her.” Felix stuttered. 
Jisung didn’t buy it. 
“Oh, come on, dude!” Jisung groaned. “It’s so obvious! You’ve been spending a lot of time with her lately, and I know it’s not only because of that stupid project. And when you’re not with her you’re texting her. You like the girl, don’t you?” 
That was true. Sure, Felix had still hung out with his friends for rehearsal and stuff, but he couldn’t deny that what Jisung said was true. He’d met up with you pretty often during the last couple of weeks, and not only because he had to, but because he wanted to.
“I… I don’t know.” Felix said, but he was once again bottling up his feelings and building a wall to keep everyone else out. 
“I’m sure you already know that and I’m only stating the obvious now - but it’s totally fine if you like somebody, dude.” Jisung patted him on the shoulder. “I’ve known you for years now, and you never once told me you liked somebody. It was always either a friendship-with-benefits or a quick fuck here and there. It’s normal to want more, I do too.”
Damn Jisung for always having the right words to say. That’s exactly how Felix felt right now, he needed more. Sure, he loved his friends and the band was cool, however he couldn’t help but like there was a missing piece in his life. Deep down, he knew that the last piece he needed to complete his puzzle was somebody to care for and who cared about him the same way, but it still didn’t change the fact that he was scared. Scared he’d have to leave everything and everyone once again, and then he’d find himself alone. Again.
“What if anything goes wrong? What if I fuck it up?” Felix’s voice trembled, and he hated himself for being so fragile right now, but at the same time he knew that Jisung would never judge him for that. Had there been Hyunjin or Jeongin with him, they would’ve laughed in his face, but Jisung was different, and Felix was grateful for that. 
“What if things don’t go the way you planned, you mean?” Jisung sighed. “Then I guess you’ll get hurt. But dude, this is life, and it won’t mean it’s the end of the world. You’ll move on and find someone new - or not, if that’s what you want. But if you feel like she could make you happy, then my advice is go for it.”
Felix somehow felt like it was too late for that now. You probably already hated him, and you had every right to. 
“I’m sure she doesn’t wanna see me again after what I said to her.” Felix mumbled. “I was an asshole.” 
“You were.” Jisung confirmed. “But you were also scared. I feel like you should just explain everything to her, be honest with her and then see where you go from there.”
“You know, for my whole life I thought that being a bad boy was cooler than being a sensitive guy, and back then I wanted to be a cool guy so bad. I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to be cool and emotionless so bad I think I may’ve actually lost myself.” Felix cracked a smile, but it wasn’t a happy one - it hid all of his insecurities and remorses. 
Jisung elbowed him. “You are cool, dude. You’re definitely my coolest friend. And you know why? Because I know that deep down you’re not a bad boy, and you know it too. A few piercings and tattoos don’t mean shit, you know you’re not a piece of shit or anything, you’re just too much in your own head.” Jisung smiled. “Plus, you know what they say?”, he asked Felix. 
Felix shook his head as a no. 
“That every girl needs a bad boy who’s good only for her.”, Jisung winked at him.
“Hyung…” Felix playfully pushed him. 
“I’m serious!” Jisung defended himself. “Girls love it when their boy is soft only for them, it makes them feel special. Didi loved to see me whipped for her.”
Felix notices an hint of sadness in his hyung’s eyes at the mention of his ex’s name, he knew how much his friend loved her. And she loved him too, very much, until she didn’t. That’s another thing that Felix was scared of. What if you got together - hypothetically speaking, of course - and then one day you woke up and realized you deserved better? That he wasn’t enough?
“Hyung?” Felix quietly murmured. 
“Yeah?”
“Did it hurt? When you and Didi broke up…” Felix felt stupid for asking such a question to his friend, but Jisung didn’t mind it. He knew his friend needed him right now, plus he’d gotten over it so it was nothing like rubbing salt into the wound. 
“Like a bitch.” Jisung didn’t sugarcoat it at all, but he needed to be honest with his friend. “But only because I loved her very much. That’s the silver lining I found, I guess.”
Felix didn’t say anything, and Jisung immediately knew that he was doing it again. He was into his own head again, overthinking shit. 
“Felix, don’t.” Jisung scolded him, and Felix looked at him confused. “Don’t overthink this just because it didn’t work out between her and I. We weren’t meant to be, that’s all. If you like this girl, you should at least try.”, he encouraged him. 
“What if we’re not meant to be, too?”
Jisung sighed and ran one hand through his hair. He knew that for every solution he would try to find, Felix would come up with a new problem every time. That was just how stubborn Felix was.
“Felix I don’t know if you and this y/n girl are meant to be, I can’t know. No one can except you two.” Jisung sighed. “What I do know, tho, is that you care about her and that you deserve to be happy.”
Felix nodded, although he wasn’t fully convinced. “Hyung?”, he asked again.
“Mh?”
“Do you still think about her?” Felix asked. “Didi.”, he clarified, but his friend had already understood. 
Jisung nodded, then pulled out a cigarette from his pack and brought it to his lips. “Yeah, I do.”, he sighed, before grabbing his lighter and lighting his cigarette. “But not in a romantic way, I’m over it. I just think about it from time to time, you know?”, he rhetorically asked. “Just wondering about what we could’ve been and shit.”
Felix swallowed the lump in his throat. “I still think about my ex too, from time to time.”, he eventually confessed. “But I’m not in love with her, not anymore.”
Jisung didn’t say anything. Instead, he let his friend talk. 
“I loved her for a long time… We were each other’s first everything, and I… I know it sounds stupid now because we were kids, but back then I was sure we were going to be together forever.” Felix chuckled bitterly at the memory, fidgeting with his rings.
Felix sighed. “You know, the first months here in Korea were a living hell for me.”, he muttered. “I often dreamed about running away, going to the fucking airport and flying back to her. And then the weeks passed, and I slowly started to get used to her absence, even though it fucking broke me.”, he shut his eyes closed - immersed in the painful memory. “That’s when I swore to myself I would never get attached to anyone else ever again.”
“But you got attached.” Jisung stated. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. 
Felix nodded. “I did. And it sounds fucking ridiculous, but at first it felt as if I was being unfair to my ex, you know?”, he sighed. “I mean, it’s fucking stupid, being hung up on her after all these years. We broke up, and she’s moved on - I know she has, but she was my first love, and… I guess it’s hard to let go.”
“It’s not stupid.” Jisung promptly said. “You loved her, so it’s not stupid. Love’s not stupid.”
“You know…” Felix trailed, then chuckled at the memory that had come up in his mind. “I drunkenly called her. My ex.”
“Oh.” Jisung was shocked, eyes wide. 
“It wasn’t even that long ago, to be honest.” Felix laughed at the shocked look on his friend’s face. “I even cried on the phone with her. Told her I missed her and shit.”
“What did she say?” Jisung couldn’t mask the curiosity in his voice. 
“She was really mature about it, she let me talk and listened to me. She told me to be happy, that I deserve to find someone else and let go of what we had - that I should move on, and that she has too. Of course she has.” Felix continued to fidget with his chunky rings. “That’s when I realized I was actually over her, for real, and that I didn’t miss her, I just missed… the feeling of being close to someone, you know? I guess what I just needed from her that day was closure.”
Jisung nodded, even though he was speechless. His friend had drunkenly called his ex-girlfriend, who lived on the other side of the world, cried while on the phone with her and he was finding about it only now? 
“I guess I was seeking for permission to move on.” Felix almost choked on his words, feeling too overwhelmed by the conversation he was having with his friend. “I know it’s hypocritical of me, consider I slept with a lot of girls, but… I guess I needed permission to move on romantically speaking, I don’t know if that makes sense.”
“It does.” Jisung nodded. “She’s right, Felix, you deserve to be happy.”
“Hyung?” Felix called once again.
“Yes?”
“Thank you.” 
For listening to me, he wanted to add. For being by my side, for not judging me. 
🀄︎
You were ignoring him, it was clear as day. 
You’d walked past him without uttering a single word when you bumped into him in the hallways, and Felix would be lying if he said it didn’t sting. He’d spent the past couple of days thinking obsessively about his talk with Jisung, repeating his wise words in his head - and the more he thought about you, the more he was convinced he had to apologize. But now, you wouldn’t even look at him, and were acting like he didn’t exist.
You had to present your work in less than five minutes now, and you still hadn’t talked to him - you wouldn’t look at him. Your eyes were fixed on your computer screen as you were revising the key points of your presentation. 
“I’ll explain our project and the main themes and you’ll simply read the poems when they appear on the screen, alright?”, you then snapped your head in his direction and asked him coldly. That was the first time he heard your voice in days.
Your voice was so different than how Felix had become accustomed to. It usually was so sweet and full of emotion, and you could barely say anything without cracking a sweet smile after. Right now there was no emotion in your voice, and you spoke to him as if he was a stranger. As if he didn’t mean anything to you, and he couldn’t help but think he’d fucked up for good - all because of his stupid ego and pride.
“Okay.”, he simply said, and nodded. 
“Good.”
Despite the palpable tension between you and Felix, the presentation was a success. Your professor loved the subject and the work you’d done together and complimented the both of you. Once the class was dismissed, everyone left but you and Felix. You’d been the last one to present your work and you still had to gather all of your things. 
“Hey… This is yours.” Felix approached you, but you didn’t even turn to look at him. He placed your book - the one you’d lent him -, and you quickly grabbed it and put inside your bag without uttering a single word. “Can we talk?”
“I’ve got to go, I don’t have time for this.”, you lied. You didn’t have any classes - you just didn’t want to talk to him, you didn’t want to be near him.
“Y/n…”, he gently grabbed your arm, and the sudden touch made your stomach twist and tears well up in your eyes. “Please, there’s something I need to tell you. It’s important.”
You didn’t need this now. You couldn’t even look at him in the eyes without feeling the urge to cry. Not only because you were sad, but also because you were frustrated and disappointed. Cry, because you felt stupid. You’d clearly seen something in Felix that was not there, and your friends were right - had been right the whole time about him. 
You’d signed up for a broken heart. 
“I said not now.”, you repeated and your voice quivered. He let go of your arm, allowing you to storm out of the room without uttering an ulterior syllable, not even bothering to look at him. 
You weren’t in the mood to talk to him. Not now, not after the way he made you feel. Plus, you had nothing to say to him. You meant every single word you’d said that day at the library, and obviously hadn’t changed your opinion of him. After that day, Felix had ignored you for the following days, which only proved your point - he didn’t care about you like you thought he did, and all you’d been to him was a quick and easy fuck. Nothing more and nothing less. 
🀄︎
The sun had already set and it was pouring outside. Salem was kind of grumpy because of the weather, because it meant he couldn’t go outside to play - under your supervision, of course. Now, the little fluffy animal was cuddled up with you on the couch, gladly accepting your scratching him under the chin, and jolted up with a loud meow when your doorbell rang. 
Who could it possibly be at this time? It was already past 7pm now, and you knew for sure it wasn’t neither Seungmin nor Lia - they were at the campus party. Apparently, it was the event of the year and the whole campus was going to be there, and that was another reason to turn the offer down. You didn’t want to risk to meet him or see his stupid friends. To be honest - your friends had tried to convince you to tag along anyways, they even offered to bail on the party to stay with you but you’d rejected the offer. You wanted - no, you needed to be completely alone to gather your thoughts. 
So who could it be at the door - interrupting your train of thought?
Reluctantly, you got up from the couch, pausing the boring movie you were watching and went to open the door. Your breath hitched in your throat when you looked through the peephole. It couldn’t be. But then you opened the door and it was him. 
Lee Felix was standing in front of you, clothes and hair entirely soaked by the pouring rain, and his motorcycle was nowhere in sight. Had he walked to your place? Judging by the way he was heavily breathing, it looked like he’d run. Whatever, it didn’t matter now, because you were still mad at him - you were still hurt disappointed. 
“What are you doing here?”, you said, trying to sound confident, crossing your arms over your chest. 
“I know you don’t want to see me, and you have every right to hate me.” Felix started, running one hand through his wet hair. “But I need to tell you something, and I need you to listen to me. If you still want me gone once I’m finished talking, I’ll accept that and won’t bother you again.”, he promised. 
You quirked an eyebrow at him, unsure whether you should let him speak or not. Eventually, you took a deep breath and nodded once. “Fine.”, you gave in. 
“I…” Felix tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it didn’t help him that much. “I’m so fucking sorry, y/n.”, he blurted out - catching you off guard.
He took a deep breath and started talking again. “I’m so fucking sorry for the way I treated you the other day. I was an asshole to you, and you didn’t deserve it - you don’t deserve it.”, he rambled. “I guess what I’m trying to say is - I was scared. I am scared.”, his voice trembled. “I was so fucking scared of catching feelings for my whole life. I only had no-strings-attached sex for years, and when they would start to develop feelings I’d end things and go on with my life like nothing happened, but I only did that to protect myself.”
You listened patiently to his words without interrupting his stream of consciousness. 
“When I had to move from Sydney, it broke my heart. I had to leave everything there, the people I loved, my ex-girlfriend. I really loved her, and it shattered my heart when we broke up, so I swore to myself I wouldn’t let myself get attached to somebody else that way ever again. I was so scared of getting my heart broken again that I built a wall to keep love and the chance of being happy out.”, his voice quivered as he spoke the last words. “But then you came along. You and those stupid poems you made me read, your fucking smile, the way you’ve been so sweet and kind to me the whole time even though I didn’t deserve it…”, he choked on his own words, so he took a deep breath in order to calm himself down. “I lied that day at the library - when I told you we fucked and that it was meaningless. We didn’t just fuck, y/n, that wasn’t meaningless to me - I know you felt it too. That’s why I said those hurtful things to you -”, his eyes were teary, voice quivering.
You sniffled, tears already forming in the corner of your eyes because it’s true - you felt it too. You knew what he was talking about - it was in the connection, in the passion, in the lingering kisses, in his touch, in the shiver and the goosebumps. It was there - the feelings, the way you cared about each other, the love - it was all there, it just needed to be unfolded and revealed, confessed.
“- because I’ve never felt this way about someone, y/n. And it fucking scares me. I’m so fucking scared of fucking this up - and a part of me is telling me I already screwed everything up that day. I’m so scared, you’re so different from me… You’re smart, and sweet and caring, an angel in disguise, you’re amazing and I…”, he sighed heavily. “I’m a scum, a total loser who has fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to him. My grades are shit and I don’t know what the fuck I want to do with my life. We’re so different, and you deserve someone better than me, but I…”, he let out a shaky breath. “I just like you so much.”, he confessed. “There, I said it. I like you - I think I may actually be in love with you, I don’t know - I don’t know shit about feelings and love, but I think about you every fucking second of every fucking day since that night - even before if I’m being honest - so it has to mean something.”
You let your arms fall down at your sides, and he wasted no time in taking your hands in his, intertwining your fingers. “I want everything with you, y/n. I want to walk around on campus while holding your hand, I want to sit next to you in the diner, I want the study dates together. I want to buy you a boba every day. I want Salem cuddled up with us on the couch. I want to make love to you and fall asleep together only to wake up next to you the next day. I want you to call me names just because I like pineapple on my pizza. I guess what I’m really trying to say is - I really want to be with you.”, he ended, sighing heavily. 
You were left speechless, and didn’t realize tears had been streaming down your face for the whole time while Felix was speaking. You also didn’t realize that he was also crying - eyes red and puffy. That’s when you brought your hands to his face and wiped the tears off his face with the pads of your thumbs and he sniffled, feeling extremely vulnerable, the most he’d been in a long time in front of somebody else. 
“Felix…”, the sound of his name falling from your lips sounded almost bittersweet to him right now. It’s not like he was expecting you to forgive him for how he’d treated you. 
“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same - if I fucked this up for good.”, he reassured you, voice trembling - he didn’t want to make you feel pressured. “I just wanted to let you know how I feel towards you. Needed to take this weight off my chest.”, he smiled weakly, already preparing himself for your rejection. 
“I feel the same.” Your words left him speechless, eyes wide open and mouth agape, not sure about what to do next. “You hurt me - I’m not going to lie to you. You hurt me, a lot.”, you repeated and his glaze immediately dropped to his shoes - he couldn’t bear to look into your eyes.  “…but I get why you did it now, and even though you hurt me - I forgive you. I need to apologize to you too, I’ve said some terrible things to you and I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have called you an asshole or a scumbag, Felix, because you’re not. I’m very sorry.”
That’s when Felix broke down into a silent cry, falling apart under your soft and delicate touch. “You shouldn’t be forgiving me.”, he mumbled between sniffles, wiping away some more tears with the back of his already soaked black jeans jacket. “You’re too good for me.”
Without uttering any more words, you pulled him close and hugged him close, wrapping your arms around his waist and rested your head on his chest, breathing in his scent. “Stop saying that.”, you scolded him, caressing the damp hair at the base of his neck with your fingers. “I like you, Felix. I don’t want you to think you’re not worthy of me or that you’re not enough - because that’s not true. You’re enough Felix, more than enough.”
He sneezed all of a sudden, covering his nose and mouth with the back of his hand, and that’s when you realized you’d been standing there under the pouring rain for the whole time. A sudden thunder made you both jump. 
“We should probably go inside. It’s cold outside.”, you mumbled, pulling away from the hug only to look him in the eyes. 
“Are you sure? I can go home, I don’t want you to think I came all the way here so that you’d let me inside and-.”, he rambled, but you interrupted him immediately. 
“I don’t. Come on in.”, you smiled at him.
🀄︎
Felix’s face was buried between your spread thighs, your fingers tangled in his dark hair. His nose brushed against your clit as he lapped at your entrance repeatedly, collecting your arousal with his tongue only to swallow it immediately after. Then, he moved his tongue all the way up to your clit, and you involuntarily closed your thighs once you felt the coldness of his tongue piercing against it. 
Felix ate you out like a starved man, as if his life depended on it. You’d tried to touch him, but he’d stopped you, claiming that Tonight’s about you, sweetheart. He had to make up for a lot of things. He practically made out with your clit, grunting whenever he heard you whining under his touch. Every now and then, he would pull away from your clit only to spit directly on it and rub his saliva all over your it with the pads of his fingers. 
“You like it?”, he rhetorically asked you while rubbing uneven eights on your clit his thumb. “You look so hot like this, I could eat you out all day.”, he muttered under his breath, before attacking your clit with his tongue once again. “I need you to cum all over my face, sweetheart.”, he moaned against your pussy, and that’s what sent you over the edge. 
“Felix…“, you moaned - trying to warn him you were about to cum, but were cut off by your first orgasm of the night. You threw your head back against the pillows and whined loudly as Felix buried his face between your legs, coating his mouth and chin in your sweet release, not giving a fuck about the mess. 
Felix emerged from your legs with a satisfied grin on his face, his lips glistening, wet with your arousal and he wasted no time in licking the excess off before cleaning himself with the back of his hand and wrist. He kneeled between your legs, and that’s when you were finally able to take a glimpse of his painfully hard cock, a wet stain of pre-cum clearly visible on the thin, grey fabric of his underwear. 
“Now it’s your turn.”, you whispered, sitting up on the mattress, your hands found the hem of his boxers, ready to pull them down and free his cock, but Felix stopped you and shook his head as a no. 
“I told you, sweetheart, tonight’s about you.”
“But it is about me. I want to feel you inside of me, want to make you feel good.” 
Felix gulped hard - and felt his cock twitch inside the confine of his underwear at the idea of being inside of you again. He swiftly nodded, biting his lower lip. “Fuck, okay.” Felix found out he was a weak, weak man when it came to you. 
You rolled over on your tummy to open the first drawer of your bedside table only to retrieve a condom, which you handed to Felix. You then slipped your thumbs under the fabric of his underwear and began to pull his boxers down, sliding them off his thighs. His hard cock sprung free and slapped against his lower abdomen, tip already wet and sticky with pre-cum. 
Felix let out a hissed breath when you suddenly wrapped your fingers around the base of his cock and his eyes closed shut when he felt you licking all the way up from his base to his tip. When you took the tip of his cock into your mouth and gently sucked, he wasted no time in entangling his fingers in your hair. He opened his eyes to look at you, but had to physically pull you away from his length when he found you looking at him through your eyelashes, looking so beautiful with his cock stuffed in your mouth and those doe eyes looking straight into his.
“Fuck, that was so hot.”, he panted, running one hand through his hair as he tried to regain his breath - he was so close to cumming in your mouth. “But I want to cum while I’m inside of you tonight.”
He then unwrapped the condom and quickly rolled it over his length in record time. Before he could position himself between your legs, you spoke. “I want to be on top - if that’s okay.”, you whispered, blushing a little. 
Felix’s brain was short-circuiting, mostly because he wasn’t expecting those words to come out of your mouth, but also because the thought of you on top of him was enough to make him cum right there on the spot. He nodded quickly, muttering an husky “Okay” before he sat down on the mattress with his bare back against the headboard, figuring it would be more comfortable for you that way. 
You positioned yourself on top of him, placing both of your hands on his bare shoulders. Felix grabbed his cock with his hand, which only made it easier for you to position right on top of it so that the tip was directly poking at your entrance. When you started sinking onto his length, Felix quickly removed his hand from his cock and placed it on your waist, gently squeezing the flesh. 
When he was fully inside of you, you both needed a moment to adjust to the feeling - you felt completely full, and the stretch was just so good and not painful at all. Felix then wasted no time in unclasping your bra and helped you get rid of it, throwing it somewhere in your room without a care in the world, impatient to see your entirely naked body on top of his. 
You couldn’t help but notice how insanely hot he looked like that. Head slightly kicked back and mouth agape, both of his hands holding you by the waist. He looked so perfect like that, and the position you were in gave you full access to his shoulder tattoo - the outline of a dragon, not too big yet not too small, it was your favorite - and he had a lot of them. 
“You feel so - amazing.” Felix panted, and you could feel his member twitch inside of you, which made you gasp. 
When you moved your hips, allowing him to finally move inside of you and actually feel you - both of you shut your eyes close and let out a shaky breath at the overwhelming feeling. Felix helped you with your movements - his hands firmly grabbing you by the waist as his cock easily reached all the sweet spots inside of you. 
Felix was mesmerized by the way you made him feel. It was almost as if he was a teenager all over again experiencing his first time. He had had sex before - and he had had sex with you, but right now everything felt different. You’d confessed to each other, you wanted to be together for real, and he was positive it wasn’t sex what you were having, no - you were making love right now. 
Felix felt it in every kiss you’d place on his lips, in every time your fingers would brush against his skin and trace the line of his tattoos, in every time you would gently tug at his hair whenever he hit the right spot. And he knew you could feel it too in the way he would brush his lips against the sensitive skin of your neck, chests pressed together as he snapped his hips up and pressed your body down to his in the mean time. 
“I’m close.”, you panted. Felix could feel it too by the way you were squirming under his touch and by the way you had practically coated his lower half in your arousal. 
The angle was just right, and the tip of his cock was repeatedly brushing against your g-spot. Usually, you couldn’t come just by that and would need to touch your clit as well in order to come, but this time everything felt just right. So, when Felix placed his thumb on your clit, you quickly stopped him by grabbing his tattooed wrist - a snake decorating it. 
“I think -“, you were cut off by a whimper and you felt your orgasm approaching closer and closer. 
“You don’t need my fingers, sweetheart? My cock’s enough to make you cum, huh?”, you nodded desperately. You let out a chocked moan when Felix hit that spot again, which made your legs practically shake. “Right there, yeah?”, he smirked, before hitting that very same spot again and again and again. 
“Felix, I’m… I’m…”, you moaned, gripping tighter on his shoulders, pushing your body onto his, allowing his length to sink even deeper in you. 
“Let go, sweetheart. Let go. You’re safe, I’m right here.”, he whispered on your lips. You let pleasure wash all over you as you came - letting out soft whimpers as you released around him.
He kicked his head back and closed his eyes shut, feeling on the verge of his own orgasm all of a sudden. The sweet sounds that were repeatedly leaving your mouth and the feeling of you clenching incredibly tightly around him made him spill inside the condom faster than he thought he would and with a deep grunt. 
Your body collapsed on his, and he immediately wrapped his arms around your back to pull you even closer, his softening length still inside of you while you both tried to regain your breaths. Felix’s fingers toyed with the ends of your hair while you rested your chin on his shoulder, neither of you wanting to pull away from each other. 
“Do you want to sleep here tonight?”, you murmured against his skin, which sent a shiver down his spine. 
“I’d love to.”, even though you couldn’t see him, you knew he was smiling, and you were too. 
“Let’s get cleaned up then.”, you murmured, leaving soft pecks on the skin of his neck and collarbone. Reluctantly, you lifted your body up, allowing his almost limp member to slip out, and you both got up from the bed, ready to hop in the shower. 
🀄︎
A hot shower and a cup of tea later, you were in bed again, in your pajamas, cuddled up together as Felix played with your hair. The room was almost entirely dark except for the moonlight that penetrated from your window. You both felt a sudden weight on your legs, and you realized it was poor little Salem, that had been neglected of cuddles the whole time, and protested with a loud meow before cuddling up on top of your laps, still grumpy. 
It was at this moment that Felix realized that maybe that’s what happiness was all about - being there with you cuddled up to his chest, wearing his t-shirt, legs entangled under the covers as he played with your hair and you traced the shapes of his tattoos with the pad of your index and cute little Salem asleep on top of your bodies. 
He found himself staring at the ceiling like many other nights before - only this time it was entirely different. There was no anguish in the way he lay on the bed, no worries on his mind, no void in his chest. It was as if he’d finally found the missing piece he’d been secretly looking for all along - and it was perfect. 
There was only one thing left for him to do, the most important one. 
“Y/N?”, he murmured your name in the silence of your bedroom. 
You slowly lifted your head up to meet his eyes, and even though it was dark, the moonlight allowed you to see them perfectly - and they were glistening. “Mh?”, you hummed, and that’s when you felt Felix’s heart hammering hard in his chest. 
“Will you be my girlfriend?”
🀄︎
——————————————————————————————-
author’s note: i’ve been compulsively re-reading and editing this for the past weeks and -idk, there’s always something that doesn’t feel right lol, but idk, maybe it’s just me being hypercritical, so bear with me if this does not live up to your expectations - i’ll probably proofread it in the future. also, i decided to leave some blank spaces here and there in case i wanted to do a drabble series related to this fic, lmk if you'd like that.
-> reblog my works if you like them - it encourages me to keep writing!
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charmercharm3r · 10 months
Text
Investments
LFX
Masterlist
wc: 2.3k
Requested
Synopsis: Felix thinks a flashy coat will make him more intimidating.
warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, softdom!Felix, fem!reader, not really mafia but he's definitely a criminal lolll, money laundering?, oral (f), porn w no plot lol, piv, cream pie
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“Don’t you think it’s a bit… excessive?”
The fluffy, exaggerated red pelt that covered his shoulders looked almost too heavy for Felix’s slim frame. Though, it suited him well.
“Not at all. If anything, I don’t think it’s excessive enough. I want everyone to know who’s in charge.” Felix adjusted the collar in the mirror and slicked the right side of his pretty blonde hair back.
“You’re already hard to miss as it is, babe.” You stood from your spot on the bed, making your way behind him and placing your hand over his to get him to face you. Up close, you could see how well the bright red color brought out his skin tone, freckles lining his nose and upper cheeks in a kind facade. Felix gazed down at you sweetly as you reached up to fix the collar yourself, “however, you look hot in red.”
A sly smirk spread across his face, “you think so? Hm, then perhaps this is the perfect thing to wear to the office today.” Leaning in and cupping your cheeks, Felix placed a quick peck to your forehead. “Join me?”
You knew what he did for work wasn’t necessarily… legal, and that it was incredibly dangerous. But Felix assured you time after time that the fear of getting caught wasn’t even on his radar and that he had protection plans in place. That was something you didn’t question further as it probably wasn’t something you should know for your own sanity. Hell, you probably should’ve ran in the opposite direction when he told you what his job was. But for some reason, you just couldn’t.
The warehouse was so far off the map that after all this time together, you still got confused every time you went. But Felix’s hand in yours as his other gripped the steering wheel was comfort enough that the two of you weren’t lost despite not having seen a single building for the past twenty minutes. The enormous coat was discarded in the backseat, leaving your long term boyfriend in just a gray tank top and matching red pants, and to say you wanted to jump his bones would’ve been an understatement. He knew how much you adored his body, even more when there was just a thin barrier between you and his skin. It was like he dressed this way knowing you couldn’t say no to spending more time with him, even if it was at his scary, illegal job.
There were no other cars in the lot as the two of you pulled up, but a single text message and the garage doors of the old warehouse opened up and Felix entered. Ominous as always, you got chills as the dark interior shadowed your car before your eyes adjusted to the dim light. Large machines were lined up in the middle, rows of people wearing gloves and handling the product with tongs and tweezers working away at them doing god knows what. If Felix had told you what he did for a living before bringing you here to witness the stacks of washing machines and dryers tumbling loads of green paper, you would’ve laughed in his face. How could such a charming and sweet person as he is, be involved in money laundering? Let alone, running the entire thing?
Felix didn’t let you dwindle on the recollection too long, putting the car in park and strutting to your side to open the door. You gave him a gentle kiss on the lips as he crowded your view of the working floor, he never did like you looking too closely, not that you were complaining. The less you knew, the better.
You stepped out of the vehicle and opened the back passenger door to grab his obnoxiously large coat, draping it over his shoulders to take his hand as he led you towards his office.
“On track today?” Felix called out to the person at the end of the pathway overlooking the floor.
“Hello Sir, greetings Missus. Ahead of the game today, actually. You were right, new machines were worth the investment. What a… wonderful coat,” the goon gave a quick bow and kept his head low as you and Felix got closer.
“I always am. And thank you,” your boyfriend said lowly, patting the worker on the shoulder when the pair of you passed him and entered his office.
Only once finally in the confines of his private room and locking the door behind him did Felix let out a quivering sigh. Though, you didn’t ask why. He knew you were there to lend an ear if he decided he needed the support. His work was a touchy subject, you didn’t want to add to his already heavy burden by pestering him. However, it seemed he was in a chatty mood.
“I hate that guy,” Felix admitted, coming in close and hugging you from behind with his back to the shaded window that overlooked the work floor.
You melted into the warmth of his chest and coziness of the fluffy red coat, “why?”
“He’s scared of me. I don’t like people who are scared of me. I’m not scary, am I, sweetheart?” He hid his face in the crook of your neck and lowered his voice to rumble against your skin.
“Not in the slightest. But I decided that before I knew you were a crime lord.” Felix laughed deeply and spun you around, taking your cheeks in his hands again.
“So you’re not even the slightest bit afraid?” He was smirking that stupidly attractive smirk and tilting his head so catlike.
You shivered, but not from his words so much as the way he was looking at you, that same glimmer of mischief in his eyes that you knew so well. You shook your head, no, “should I be afraid?”
Felix sucked in a deep breath before letting it out and coming in close to your face. You could feel his warm breath against your lips, grazing your own but not quite touching, though you wished he would. Years together and you still feel the electric shock whenever he so much as looks your way. “You don’t have to be,” he whispered and paused as your breath caught in your throat. “But everyone else should.”
He crashed into you with force so strong that you stumbled back until your ass hit the desk. Felix immediately drew your dress high on your hips and lifted you on to it without breaking the kiss, roaming his hands up and down your body while you laced your fingers in his hair. You struggled to breath at the sheer intensity at which he ravaged your mouth, tongues and spit mixing and echoing throughout the thin walled room. You silently thanked the heavens that the blinds were closed, it wasn’t particularly high up on your to-do list to be watched by all of his employees.
Nipping lightly at your neck then falling to his knees in front of you, Felix dragged your underwear just below your knees and ducked under them to toss your legs over his shoulders and spread them wide. He dove in without hesitation to lick a fat strip up the center of your core and have you whine out in sudden stimulation. As if he didn’t have you last night as well, he suckled and slurped and tongued at you like a hungry dog, no interest in stopping or slowing down. Felix was especially good with his lips, plump and thick cupping around your bundle of nerves so nicely as you clenched around nothing, eventually enticing your first orgasm out of you from his mouth alone. You squeezed his head between your legs and knocked away whatever was on his desk as you leaned back to keep from falling over, calling out his name with a high pitched cry.
He huffed and puffed for air when you finally released him, already pulling his pants down and clearing the desk behind you entirely so you could lay back. Felix guided your knees around his torso and lazily pumped himself a few times before swiping his red tip at your wetness. Between the delirious satisfaction you felt and the similarity of the color of the coat and the head of his cock, you couldn’t suppress the giggle leaving your mouth. “Oh no,” you hummed, “such a big, scary villain! What are you gonna do to me?” The feigned fear made him grin down at you and pull the top of your dress as far down as it’d go. In the process, he got a little too excited and ripped the seam down the front and side of the dress.
“Gonna make you scream my name, pretty baby. Gonna make sure everyone out there knows who you belong to.” He swiped the tip across your sensitive clit, making you whine a little more, but feel even more desperate for his touch. You pulled him down by the collar of the coat for a heavy, heated kiss, Felix falling and catching himself with both hands on either side of your head. Amidst the saliva being swapped he managed to blindly fumble to find your entrance and push in, both you moaning into one another's mouths.
The stretch was dizzying, you dug your heels into his back to reach further into your deepest parts and nudge the sweet spot. The coat was proving to be rather practical, making a wonderful harness of sorts for you to hold on to just because you wanted him to stay close.
Felix moved his hips slowly at first, working you up and letting you have your way for a few moments longer. But he was growing too desperate, unable to hold back now that he was buried in your warm, wet, pulsing walls. He placed a few more loving kisses to your lips knowing nothing he was doing to you was anywhere near appropriate for work. Not that he cared, he’s the boss, he can do whatever the fuck he wants.
Including fucking you senseless for everyone to hear.
He stood up again and let your hands keep hold of the hem of his fluffy red coat, big enough to cover your body if anyone decided to come wandering in. Felix brought his thumb to your mouth and pushed in, letting your saliva coat the digit to and bring it back down to your clit, rubbing slow, perfectly practiced figure eights into it. You convulsed tighter around his cock, slick sounds filling the room and he was hardly even moving. Though, as his pace picked up, the wetness was overtaken by skin on skin and the creaking of the wooden desk beneath you. Deep grunts accompanied your wails of pleasure as his thumb failed to cease its assault to your nerves and make you feel trapped in a whirlwind of bliss. His smell surrounded you and made it hard to breathe, his skin was so warm and he sounded so pretty, you couldn’t focus on anything except him, him, him.
“C’mon baby, where are your manners? It’s polite to praise whoever is doing you a service,” Felix’s voice seemed to have dropped into octaves you didn’t think was possible despite knowing you’d heard it hundreds of times. He never failed to amaze you.
“Fuck– more, baby, please. So sexy, so good, so big– ahh!” His pace picked up exponentially, short and quick ruts into your cunt instead of long strides to hit your g-spot at a consistent pace. Eyes rolling back, you could feel the knot in your belly tightening every time his pelvis hit yours, every delicious rub against your clit, he knew exactly how to make you melt.
“Say my name,” he demanded, his lower lip finding its way between his teeth and brow furrowing in concentration.
“Li– fuck– Lix, baby, god–”
“Again,” a not light, but not too rough of a slap he sent to your ass, causing your hips to buck into his hand.
“Baby, please! Gonna–”
“Say. My. Name,” each word menacingly punctuated in between thrusts.
“Fuck– F– Felix!”
The cry must’ve reached the logical part of his brain and allowed mercy, “shit– cum, sweetheart.”
He fucked you through your orgasm, letting both his hands grip your waist and take advantage of the erratic movement of your walls, quick staccato’d thrusts into you that prolonged the high. Once the light faded from the back of your eyelids, you were able to coerce your boyfriend into his own bliss, “fill me up, baby. Show everyone, who do I belong to?”
Felix’s head fell back as he sunk into you and let the groan rumble from within his chest, seed coating your walls and milking him dry. His hips twitched as he attempted to come back to earth and regained his breath. Slowly his head rolled back around to look down at you with the largest smile, “you should come to work with me more often.”
“I don’t think your employees would appreciate me taking up all your time,” you could only manage to whisper seeing as your throat was dry and sore.
“Doesn’t matter what they think. They work for me, I’m in charge.” Felix bent over and kissed you, soft and sweet, the same way you knew him to be. You hummed against his lips, “mhm.” 
He pulled out shortly after a few more moments of reassuring smooches, maneuvering to step aside and pull your panties back up while readjusting your dress. Felix laughed at the state of you while he fixed himself up as well, patting down your messy hair and gesturing at your smudged lipstick.
Thumb to your lips, there was a knock at the door. Felix yelled, “come in,” to reveal the same worker from earlier.
“Sorry to…” the employee looked at you then at his boss, “...interrupt. But Mr. Bang is here to collect.” Your boyfriend merely nodded his head and the goon disappeared again.
Felix turned to you, taking you in his arms again for a tight embrace and chaste pecks to your cheek. “Sorry, sweetheart. Time for business.”
-
tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @hamburgers101 @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @lvrhyuka @alexis-reads-fics @linaliskz @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @leebitsimpracha @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @kaitchan @iadorethemskz
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minkkumaz · 8 months
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KISSING IN CARS
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you thought breaking up with felix was the hardest thing you've ever done. what was even harder was thinking about a future without him. but second chances won't leave you alone.
PIERCE THE VEIL series
PAIRING lee felix x gn!reader WC 1.3k TAGS exes to lovers trope. mutual pining. angst. fluff. right person wrong time, until it's the right time again. kissing. OMI NOTE this is my first time writing for felix and i'm quivering in my boots idk however i hope that it pleases the audience.
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the stupid lego venom keychain that was deserted on your marble countertops was a constant reminder that felix was no longer yours. everything about him was right, but you both were too young, and he had such a gorgeous world in store for him.
reminiscing about waking up next to him in the morning came often. it was the first time you had properly seen love in front of you. tracing the freckles littered on his face, waiting for the deep brown of his eyes to welcome you in the morning.
he was beautiful, so fucking beautiful. each strand of hair falling perfectly against his fair skin, tickling your face whenever you got too close. the feeling of his breath against your lips, warning you before he would close the gap.
then, you thought there was faith in your love. you both were equally as hopeful that things would work out. but when it didn’t, it only made you more aware that while he was the best person for you, it wasn’t the right time.
cards never played out in your favor, hence why you still sat with a broken heart months, almost a year later. 
moving on was proved impossible when his face was plastered on every billboard imaginable. the fond smile he never lost as he stood amongst seven other men. you’d be lying if you said that some of his songs weren’t on loop for you, it made everything seem so much more real.
it wasn’t much of therapy, but more or less a desperate plea to not forget about him or his voice. but how could you? 
their discography played from your cheap earbuds as you left the house for the first time in maybe a week. your fridge was seemingly getting emptier and emptier, so you figured it was about time you went grocery shopping. 
the sound of your shoes against the concrete echoed around you. you took a quick walk down to the parking structure of your apartment building, drowning out any other noise. when your car finally came into view, there was a familiar one parked right next to you.
at first, you didn’t give it much thought. maybe one of your neighbors invested in a new vehicle, probably to impress their significant others. 
yet when you walked closer, you saw a blonde headed boy pulling the keys out of the ignition. everything froze for a moment, enabling you to drop your bag on the floor in shock. 
he heard the noise, looking behind himself to see where it was coming from. when he saw you in all your glory, visibly shaken up from him being there, his expression softened. 
you pinched your arm in the middle of all of this, unable to believe that this was real. but it was, and felix was opening his car door to come see you for the first time since the break up.
“hi, y/n.” he greeted you breathlessly, moving to be face to face with you.
“felix.. what are you doing here i–” your words were interrupted by a hug, the scent of warm floral englufing  you.
“i’m going to be in town for the next month for so, and i had to see you.” he told you.
“i don’t understand, i thought i was never going to see you again. we broke up, don’t you remember?” you stutter out.
“how could i forget one of the hardest days of my life? i just want to talk for a bit if.. that’s okay with you.”
“of course felix. but– i don’t think a parking structure is the greatest place to talk.” your lips pull into a slight smile to shield the ache in your heart. you missed him, a lot.
“let’s go to our spot then.”
music played out the windows of a car you remember taking the longest drives in. the ride was barely awkward for the short time it lasted. it felt like you were dancing on clouds in the comfort of his presence. it was something that you valued about him so much, his ability to make anyone feel relaxed by just being there.
every song was something that reminded you of your past relationship with him. all of it was too similar to the past, and part of it scared you. would it be selfish to think that you were running through his mind as well?
the car pulled into a secluded parking lot, shadowed by large trees. there was a long river ahead of you, the sunset glistening across the waters. he always took you to this place when you needed to forget about your troubles.
“i haven’t been to this place in forever, reminds me so much of us.” he mentioned, letting his hand hang out of the window.
“would you believe me if i said that i didn’t come here every day after we split?” you mumble under your breath.
“it always helped get stress off of your mind, i wouldn’t blame you at all.” he laughs lightheartedly, “but i kinda wanted to talk to you about that.”
“about what?”
“about us. i never stopped thinking about you if i’m going to be honest.” he confessed to you.
“not once..?” you asked hesitantly.
“it was impossible, the idea of a second chance wouldn’t leave me alone.”
“you can’t say that to me, felix. it makes it so much harder to get over you. our future together was just a few heartbeats away from disaster.”
“but i don’t want you to, y/n. my schedule has gotten so much more manageable, and i feel like now i’m in a place to give you the love that you deserve.” he looks over to you, resting his hand on top of yours delicately.
“felix, we can’t. you’re too young to be stressing about–” 
“there’s no such thing as too young, i had to scream it at the top of my lungs to realize that.” he pleaded with you, “i’m afraid that i threw you away too fast, without even trying to make it work.”
“you’re crazy, sun.” you sigh, letting your fingers intertwine with his and squeezing lightly.
“you haven’t called me sun since we were together.” he smiles bright enough to light up the vehicle.
“maybe i had a hard time letting go as well.” 
the sun barely peaked over the horizon, but for what it was, it gingerly highlighted him. he still looked like he had something more to tell you, lips mouthing nothing in particular. 
felix leans over the center console to capture a fallen piece of hair, blending it into the rest in an attempt to get his hand on the side of your face. his cold fingertips rested on your neck, with one other finger on your cheek and another on your chin.
you let him hold your face for awhile, basking in the temperature rise to an unbearable heat. he truly was so similar to the sun.
“can i kiss you? please?” he asks gently, scared of making you uncomfortable. 
all you respond with is a slight nod, too caught up to use your words. it wasn’t long before his face was mere centimeters from yours, looking up to your eyes, then your lips. and finally, the gap closed to trap you in a kiss that you haven’t felt in awhile.
one of your hands tremble in his, scared that this won’t last forever. scared that he’ll leave again and things won’t work out.
but the way he deepened the kiss made all these worries subside for a little while. it was romantic, and made you feel whole again. red and orange hues from the sunset flashed through the the wind shield. not once did he pull away, scared of losing you in the midst of it all. 
you tapped lightly on his adams apple, desperate for some kind of air. when he removed his lips from yours, you recollected yourself.
he looked worried, lips sore and wet from trying to swallow you whole, but you gave him a reassuring smile. 
“damn, you kind of took my breath away.” you giggle in between breaths.
“i just didn’t want to let you go.”
“you have me now, felix. we’ll make this work.”
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PIERCE THE VEIL series
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snowyquokka · 1 month
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DRAINED
bf felix x gn reader
cw: hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of anxiety, stress, crying, fluff (maybe?), swearing, overworked felix, shitty grammar
wc: 0.6k
a.n - my first attempt at hurt/comfort. did i do well? <3
dont hate me but i think i prefer writing angst rather than anything else
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Felix sighs and all but throws himself on top of you as you sit on the couch. “Hi, baby.” you giggle as he nuzzles his face into your neck.
“What’s the matter, Sunshine?” you say as you run your fingers through his soft blonde hair.
“Exhausted, overwhelmed, sad,” he lists against your neck. You always feel bad when he comes home from the studio or after he’s toured. Your boyfriend is constantly tiring himself, working as hard as he possibly can. You wish he would take care of himself once in a while. Felix says that’s what you’re for anyways.
You press a kiss to his temple and hum.
“Why are you sad, love?” He sighs and snuggles closer to you.
“I kept fucking up my part. Redid it five times.” you can feel him pout. Another example of him pushing himself to his limits is when he frustrates himself to the point where nothing satisfies him. He could go hours with many fantastic takes but will insist on retrying it until it’s absolutely perfect.
“I’m sure you did amazing,” Felix squeezes you tighter and inhales deeply.
“‘m sorry,” he says, breaking the comfortable silence. You pull back enough to be able to see his face. He has no makeup on, his freckles on full display. Sometimes when you’re bored you’ll pretend like they’re constellations and connect them in your head.
“Sorry for what, Lix?”
“For bothering you with this kinda stuff. It's not important and I don't want to worry you.” Your heart plummets down to the floor.
“Why wouldn’t it be important to me, love? If you’re upset, I’m upset. Your problems are mine.” you kiss his forehead softly. Felix shifts in your arms so he’s at eye level.
You hold his hands while you watch a single tear stream down his cheek. He immediately wipes it away and displays a small, but not reassuring, smile.
“Thank you,” he sniffles and leans his forehead against yours.
“Of course, Sunshine. I’m always going to be here.”
TWO DAYS LATER
You’re sitting in bed watching a random movie when your phone dings.
my only sunshine <3: im gonna be a little late tonight
my only sunshine <3: im sorry. i love you ❤️
you: its okay baby. let me know when ur on ur way !! i love you too
You sigh and lock your phone. It’s not like you’re mad at him or anything of that sort. It’s just difficult watching him drain himself again and again. No matter what you say, he always goes back to overworking himself.
Tears that you hadn’t noticed were brimming fall down your cheeks. You turn everything off and close your eyes, inhaling Felix’s scent from the pillows.
You wake to the sound of the front door closing and glance at the alarm clock,
5:08am
Fuck. Is he just getting home?
You climb out of bed and wander into the living room where you find your boyfriend sitting with his face in his hands, he immediately notices you. He had turned the small lamp in the corner on, allowing you to take in his disheveled state.
His long blonde hair tousled from his fingers being ran through it. His eyes bloodshot from what seemed like hours of crying and lack of sleep. His hands shake and his leg bounces up and down in an anxious manner.
“Baby?” you whisper with worry laced in your voice prompting Felix’s body to almost automatically rack with sobs. You quickly pull him into you and wrap your arms around his figure, the only sound present in the room being both of your cries blended together.
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tags: @godslino
divider: @chaeneuu
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dazed--xx · 1 year
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SKZ Break up Reaction (Maknae Line)
A/N:so I’m uploading this on my phone cause my 4 year old decided to break my chromebooks screen but I wanted to get this posted so I can post the second part to both anyway if you guys have any requests my requests are open any group you want me to write I usually do lol so just let me know anyway hope you enjoy please like comment reblog I love hearing your opinions
Jisung:
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“GET OUT!” You shout, as you feel Jisungs arms wrap around your waist. You can feel his tears leaking through your shirt as he begs you to hear him out. Your tears streamed down your face. “you need to leave Jisung” You growl taking his arms from around you. His head shakes in panic “No! NO! Im sorry okay?! It was a mistake it didn’t mean anything to me” he cries. His shoulders shaking rapidly. You scoff at his words “Yeah for you it was just a fucking tuesday of course it wouldn’t mean shit to you. But the fact that you didn’t even think about me or I don’t know maybe the fact that you werent even single, proves to me that everything youre saying is bullshit. You don’t just go and fuck someone and then say Oops I made a mistake. You made a fucking choice Jisung and just cause it doesn’t mean anything to you now doesn’t mean you didn’t fucking do it and proves how much I cant trust you.” You snap, gesturing to the crying boy. Grabbing the bags you packed for him, you shove them at your ex boyfriend.
“I don’t want to go” Jisung confesses, his hand wrapping around your wrist pulling you back into him; burying your face in his chest. “Please don’t make me go, I don’t want to wake up every morning without you. I don’t want to let you go. It meant nothing then and now please believe me I don’t want anyone else it was a drunken mistake and I will never stop regretting it. I can make it up to you, I-I c-can fix things please—fuck—please don’t make me go. I love you” His sobs take over his body as you begin to pull yourself away from him. You stare at him, wanting to remember every inch of his face. You caress his cheek. Your eyes locking with one another “Im sorry, but I cant trust you anymore and I cant be with someone I cant trust. I want to break up. Im sorry but if you don’t leave. I will” You confess pulling your hand away from him. “Please....” He whines “Im sorry fuck im so sorry theres nothing I could be more sorry about I don’t know how to fix it. But I don’t want to leave please don’t make me leave, I need you okay? I need YOU! No one else I don’t know how to convince you of that” You shake your head at his words “You don’t need to convince me, you never will be able to Jisung, there’s never an excuse and I wont be able to trust you ever again. It will always feel like a lie.” His eyes widen in shock.
“i-I-” You lift your hand, not wanting to hear anymore “Just go, Jisung! Im done you hurt me way to much and I don’t want to hear your lies anymore” You growl. Nodding in defeat, he picks up his bags and makes his way to the door. You hold the door open for him as he makes his way out as he turns to face you once more you can feel your resolve breaking “I will always love you” he cries as you close the door.
Felix:
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NEW MESSAGE: LIXIE💕☀️
Hey baby, just wanted to tell you good morning and I miss you when can I see you again? Its been too long😞
Your heart races as you read his message. Biting your lip you contemplate replying before deciding to lock your phone and continue avoiding him. You werent sure why he even bothered anymore, you knew he was pretending, and whilst he didn’t know you had learned the truth about him, you felt stupid every time you thought about seeing him. You were torn between the Felix you had gotten to know a bubbly sweet and kindhearted person that would give up their last for anyone in need, and the one that, apparently, likes to make bets with his friends about how long it would take for you to sleep with him. Its been a few days since you had been told the truth by Minho’s girlfriend, and ever since you had avoided Felix. You couldn’t help but feel anxious and idiotic anytime you thought about being near him, apparently he had won the bet, you did sleep with him fairly quickly considering you guys have been going out for only a few months and have been actively having sex since about your third date; and the idea that right after he went and reported his win to the boys made you feel dirty, gross, and used.
Your phone vibrating in your hand pulls you from your thoughts. Staring at the screen youre met with a photo of your smiling boyfriend. Pressing the decline button, you toss your phone on the bed lifting yourself to your feet. You stare around your room, pictures of you and Felix laugh at you as you grab the stuffed bear Felix had won for you on your second date. With a newfound resolve you toss the bear on the ground. Your body acting on its own accord as you begin throwing every symbol and memory of your relationship in a large destructive pile on the ground. Sobs rack through your chest, nausea building in your stomach. You trusted him, you allowed him to knock your walls down and he lied, pretended and faked his way through everything. With determination in your heart you stomp your way over to your bed grabbing your phone opening your messages with him.
To: LIXIE💕☀️
Please stop calling me stop texting me just leave me alone you won your stupid bet just leave me alone we’re done.
Your palms were sweating as your phone began vibrating once more. You stare at the photo of Felix, your jaw clenches as hot tears run down your face. You watch as the photo disappears a missed call notification coming in before the photo pops up once more. You sit in place as a plethora of calls continue to come in as well as messages all unseen. With a shaky breathe you turn your phone off, opting to take a shower you trudge your way to the bathroom. Your movements halt at the rapid knocks on your front door. “Babe! Please—fuck—open the door!” Felix’s deep voice pleads. Your hand smacks over your mouth, as you hear your doorknob rattling “Y/N! Open up please” he cries. “Let me explain!” The knocks continue in quick succession. “P-please! I-I c-can’t lo-lose y-yo-you, n-not like t-this please!” His voice is desperate, you could tell he was crying. “I’m sorry” the door begins to shake. You could tell he was trying to ram the door open. “I’m sorry! Please talk to me, we can’t be over we can’t Im an idiot but you mean so much to me don’t break up with me I’m sorry! I’ll explain I’ll tell you everything please” your sobs unable to be hidden anymore “Y/N?! Are you crying? Please—fuck—don’t cry please I’m sorry please open the door please! I need to see you. I need you to listen please open up!” He pleaded. You stared at the door as your heart pounded on your sternum as Felix pounded on your door. You apologized silently as you sat on the ground your arm wrapped around your waist as you held your hand over your mouth; tears steadily streaming down your face not being able to bring yourself to open the door.
Seungmin:
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You stared blankly at the mahogany table, avoiding Seungmins bored stare. “Why did you ask me to meet you here if you weren’t going to say anything?” He questions confusion etched on his features You sat in shock at his words, you weren’t sure why you were so surprised at the cold stoic tone he used. It had always been the same with him anyway always leaving you to feel small under his judging gaze. You questioned the status of your relationship often due to the lack of affection on either part. You felt more like a close friend rather than his girlfriend or even someone he was dating, and whilst you two had never defined your relationship, you did assume from the fact that he had specifically told you that he had considered the time you two spent together as dates. You stared at your hands as your fingers continued to play with themselves in your lap. “I’m sorry…” you murmur, you hear him hum in response “it’s fine everyone has bad days” you shake your head in response “n-no…I’m sorry but I don’t think we should see each other anymore” your voice is almost a whisper but the widening of Seungmin’s eyes has you shocked. “C-Can I ask why? I thought things were going well…” he questions his hand reaching for yours sadness flashes across his features as you shift yourself further away from him “we’re more friends than anything don’t you think” you mumble disappointedly. “Friends?” He scoffs like the term was beneath him. “I’d like to think we are more than friends” he states calmly.
You wrap your arms around your waist “honestly can you name a single time we’ve done anything that could signify that we’re more than friends” you snap. Seungmin leans back in his seat, taking a sip of his coffee. “We go out on dates…umm I talk to you all the time…” he trails as he contemplates more answers only to come up with nothing and letting out a sigh. “It’s okay…you aren’t attracted to me Seungminie, not the way I am to you and I think you should find a girl you actually like” you state sadly as you lift yourself from your seat. “Goodbye…” you mumble as you make you’re way out of the café. Seungmin sat there in shock, a tear running down his cheek as you make your exit. He willed himself to say something, anything to get you to stay. He watched in horror as you made your way out of the door. His heart shattering in his chest as he wills you to turn around and just see him, see how he’s falling apart at your departure. He’s begged for every moment with you and in his idiocy you were wisped away, he felt lost what could he do?
Jeongin:
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“You’re really wearing that?!” The disgust oozing out in his tone. You look down at your lilac skin tight dress and white thigh highs before nodding with confusion etched on your features a pout in your lips. “I-is there something wrong with what Im wearing?” You prod your eyebrow raising in offense. Jeongin scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. You stood in your place, biting your lip in frustration “I mean you look really…..interesting.” He grits. You could feel the uncomfortable stares. You knew what he meant by interesting, reflexively you tug on the hem of your dress bringing it lower on your legs. “Don’t listen to him you look great!” Nayeon smiled as she rubbed your wrist comfortingly. You nod dejected, your eyes not leaving the ground. “I-I’m going to get something to drink” you state rapidly as you rush over to the kitchen. You stare down at your dress, you felt stupid and thanked god you had brought a hoodie. Taking a deep breath you grab a red solo cup pouring a small bit of vodka and adding pineapple juice before mixing the drink. You stare into the concoction, as used to Jeongins temperament and the harshness of his tone you are, you contemplate as to why you had even entered this torturous relationship.
You couldn’t think of many times when Jeongin would speak to you without insulting you in some shape or form. From your hair being the wrong way to you just being too annoying for his taste that day there was always something you did wrong. You thought today would be different, you thought for once he’d actually acknowledge you the way he used too when you first began. Your heart completely shattered considering it was your second anniversary. Your relationship was fantastic up until just a few months ago and now it feels like Jeongin would rather drop dead before even looking at you anymore. You don’t know why you had bothered anymore it obviously wasn’t working. You’ve done everything you could to try to save your relationship tonight being your final attempt and as much as you wanted to give the rest of the night a chance; he couldn’t even acknowledge your anniversary all day and then to greet you like that at a party you didn’t even want to be at. You weren’t sure if you could continue this, you missed your loving, sweet boyfriend. You didn’t know who this Jeongin was. You sighed as you take a sip from your drink. The mixture of alcohol to juice lacking so you grab the vodka bottle once more.
“Sure get drunk so I have to take care of you tonight” you hear from behind you, you roll your eyes. “What? I’m literally just making my first drink” you scoff before turning and shoving past your boyfriend his hand wrapping around your arm “oh and thanks for embarrassing me tonight by the way” he spits. An embarrassing heat fills your cheeks “how did I embarrass you?” You growl a fire burning in your eyes. “You’re kidding right?” His lips are formed in a tight line, you press your chest against his in defiance “No! How did I fucking embarrass you Jeongin?”
“So dressing like a slut to a party where you know your boyfriend and his friends are going to be isn’t a fucking problem? It’s not embarrassing?” He snaps, the glare in his eyes challenging you. The rage filling your stomach you toss your drink in his face. “I can’t believe you! You fucking prick” you shout, Jeongins eyes grow wide at your action. He stood there shocked, covered in your drink, his hands reaching for you quickly with a call of your name. You put your arms up preventing him from touching you. “No! I’m done! I’m so fucking done with you Jeongin! For months I’ve put up with your shitty attitude all because I loved you and you obviously don’t feel the fucking same anymore! You made me miserable and I still loved you! Don’t call me don’t text me just leave me alone. Happy anniversary Jeongin, I’m giving you the best gift I could…you’re single congratulations” your resolve completely breaking as tears stream down your face. You can see the panic in Jeongins eyes, his mouth sits agape in shock. With a scoff you turn to make your exit. “W-wait! Where are you going?” He calls, his voice is shaky. “Babe?!” You can hear him following after you “wait! Y/N!” His voice is shaky as you make your way out the front door, you knew if you turned back just one look at his face would break you. You had to keep going; you picked up your pace as the cold air kissed your skin.
Your car was only down the street a bit you just had to make it there and you were home free. Your heart raced as your legs moved rapidly. You felt arms wrapped around your waist pulling you back into a strong frame. The familiar cologne fills your nostrils, you could feel his shaking figure. “Don’t go, I’m sorry” he pleads. You sigh “please let me go Jeongin” pulling his arms from around you not turning to look at him. “I’m sorry please don’t go im an idiot I didn’t mean to forget but I don’t think it’s something you should break up with me over” he scoffs slight annoyance in his tone. A scowl forms on your face as you whip around to look him in his eyes “you know what?! Yeah! You ARE indeed a fucking idiot! If you think I’m breaking up with you over this bullshit ass anniversary then you’re wrong! You treat me like shit and a burden and I’m just done you obviously don’t love me anymore and as much as I do love you I deserve better just…please leave me alone…” tears stream down your face at a rapid pace, your heart shattering at every word. Your eyes drifting to the floor as your bottom lip finds it’s way between your teeth. Your eyes never once lifting to meet his as you turn away from him and make your way to your car. You don’t see Jeongin standing there in horror as you ultimately walk away from him. You don’t hear the sound of his heart shattering in his chest as you don’t look back at him. His jaw clenched as tears stream down his cheeks willing himself to not chase after you because like you said, you did deserve better
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riizeandshine · 1 month
Text
Back Of Your Mind
On Felix’s day off, he decides to stay indoors and play video games. When Y/n chooses to surprise him at the dorms, Y/n is the one who is left surprised.
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bf!Felix x gn!Reader Genre — Angst to fluff Warnings — Dismissive behavior (Unintentional), Eating Word count — 1.0k
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 Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping.
PRRRRRING~
The light of the entryway flicks on as you slip off your shoes and kick them aside next to Felix’s. Your hands were quite occupied—two heavy bags in each hand. The two bags in your left hand contained groceries for his favorite meals and for baking goods. The other two held a small dessert and snacks. You walked over to the kitchen and placed the bags onto the counter. Unloading each item, you smile to yourself thinking about how excited he is going to be once he sees you and all the stuff you’ve brought over. 
Once you completed putting away the items to their respective spots throughout the kitchen, you made your way to Felix’s room. His door was closed but the sound of his computer mouse dragging across the desk and the clacks of his keyboard could still be heard. While you pushed the silver door handle down and poked your head inside, Felix’s eyes were fixated on the screen ahead of him.
“Come on! He was literally on your left!” He shouted into his headset mic. Knowing he’s focused on the match he’s in, you call out to the boy. 
“Hiiiiiii Felix!!” You cheerfully said, revealing yourself from behind the door. You walked over to him and gave him a peck on his cheek. 
“Oh hey, Y/n” He mutters while continuing to stare at the screen, “ DUDE! HEAL ME! HURRY!”
Figuring that he just needs to finish the game so he could actually greet you, you find a spot on his bed to sit and wait.
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It had already been nearly two hours since you got there. Felix was still gaming away and you were still waiting for some kind of response from him while you scrolled on your phone. 
“Felix? Are you almost done with that match?”
“Yeah! J-just give me a moment”
Yet that moment never ended even after another 30 minutes. You felt a bit defeated. You got up from his bed and left the room to go into the kitchen. There’s no way he will resist his favorite food! You opened the fridge and brought out each of the items you bought earlier. With all laid out, you got to work.
Another hour and a half passes as you prep and cook the food. An array of food was put together on the table for the two of you. Fried chicken, pastas,  Lee Know’s recipe for beef wellington and some side dishes were finally finished. 
You went to Felix’s room again and knocked, “Felix! I made your favorites. Come eat with me please!”. You stood in the doorway waiting for an answer yet his eyes were still glued to the screen. 
“Felix?” You call out while your smile fades rapidly. Felix feels your energy change and takes a quick glance at you. Seeing that you’re no longer smiling, he responds “Yeah thanks, babe. I’ll go join you in a second”. 
Your lips curve up again into a beaming smile with his answer. Shutting the door, you go back into the kitchen and sit at the dining table. 
He’s gonna love this!
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And of course, just like the last time he said that, he didn’t show up. You were sitting there for an hour, poking at the food in front of you. What was once warm, quickly turned cold. You got up from your seat and covered the food to put them away. 
Why isn’t he coming… Is he not excited to see me? Does he not want to spend time with me?
A sigh leaves your mouth seeing the table completely cleared off as if nothing ever happened. Now you feel truly defeated. You came all the way from your house to the grocery store then to his. You waited for him for hours and even cooked for him yet he didn’t spend more than five seconds talking or looking at you. Perhaps you were being selfish, showing up uninvited to the boys’ dorm and expecting Felix to be happy to see you. But at the same time, Felix encouraged you to come to the dorms and loved when you came to him in the past. Why was today so different? 
You feel your heart sink thinking about why he was acting differently from the clingy-loving type that he usually was. You found yourself walking back to the entryway, slipping on your shoes. 
“Hey… where are you going?” Felix calls out from behind you. 
“I think you’re a bit busy so I’m gonna head back home” You say quietly, reaching for the front door. Felix is quick to react. Felix grabs your hand softly and tugs it towards him. “No no no no no no…Come here”. Although you’re still hurt, you don’t resist. Felix wraps his arms around you in a warm hug. “I’m sorry for dismissing you. You must have been waiting for me for a long time… I’m so sorry”. Felix lays a few kisses on the top of your head, temples and cheeks. “Did you eat?” 
“No, not really… I wanted to eat with you”
“Then let’s see what you made, hmm?”
“Okay!”
Felix smiled softly and tapped his bare feet onto yours to signal you to take off your shoes. After slipping them off with Felix’s small hands keeping you balanced, he led you two to the kitchen. With one hand still connected to yours, the other opens the fridge. You watch as Felix’s eyes light up as he looks at all the foods you cooked. “Is this all for us? You made all of this for us?” His eyes shift to yours with the same constellation-like reflection in his eyes.
“Well… I made it for you” You gently push him aside to heat the food up again but Felix stops you.. He cups your cheeks and strokes his thumb across your soft skin. He deeply presses his lips into yours, leaving your lips a bit swollen. “Let it be for us because my Y/n needs to eat well too”
Felix was perhaps too happy from all the food you made because he wasn’t shy to eat from each dish. He also found himself subconsciously getting spoonfuls of food to feed you and then watch you eat it.
While there were still leftovers, Felix set them aside for later or for the members who want to partake in your masterful cooking. He couldn't help but smile to himself knowing how lucky he is to have you. Even though the night started bitter, the day finished incredibly sweet.
A night that Felix will keep safe in his heart.
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atinyniki · 5 months
Text
instant ramen
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group: stray kids !
pairing: idol!lee felix x f!reader
genre: angst with a happy ending
warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, established relationships, mentions of periods and hormonal imbalances, felix is a little mean, felix is referred to as lix, lixie, and felix.
authors note: i was bored and made a short little felix drabble ! this is also not proofread, i just had a thought and felt like posting it. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)
wc: 1483
(pt. 2) || (pt. 3)
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it’s not everyday that felix comes home in a bad mood. he’s had just about the worst day at practice today. he couldn’t seem to be getting anything right, and often found himself zoning out and getting off track. 
you’ve had a long day too. you couldn’t seem to get out of bed this morning, and woke up in the late hours of the afternoon. your entire house was a mess, and you didn’t have the energy to clean it up. to make matters worse, your period is late and it’s left you grumpy the entire week.
it’s now almost midnight, and you’re sprawled out on the couch comfortably, watching some tv. you have felix’s fuzzy blanket over you, one you both always use when watching shows together. 
suddenly, you hear the familiar sound of the keys jingling at the door. the door flies open, and behind it, you see a tired felix, dark green hoodie shrouding his face. 
you slowly get up from the couch and turn off the tv, careful not to trip over anything while you make your way to the door. 
“why are you up so late y/n?”, his voice was low, tired, but he managed to muster a small smile.
“it’s not that late, i just wanted to wait for you.”
he slowly walked into the home, setting his bag down at the door. he made his way to the kitchen, grabbing some water to drink, when his eyes quickly dart to the dishes.
felix likes having the house clean. after living in a dorm with chaotic men who didn’t know how to clean up after themselves, it got pretty sickening. normally the house would be clean, but felix has been out recently due to his new comeback, and you’ve been busy with work. neither of you had the time to do simple tasks anymore.
seeing the dishes still dirty frustrated felix more, but he decided not to mention it and walked to the bathroom to take a quick shower. he passed by the living room, the cushions scattered messily on the floor, and then your shared bedroom. clothes had piled up in the two hampers you had, some had even fallen onto the floor.
some part in felix just snapped. 
“is it really that hard to put some clothes in the wash, y/n?”
you were zoned out, but his voice brought you back to reality. 
“sorry what did you say? i zoned-“
“nevermind…”
felix began to walk away, but you walked towards him, stopping him. 
“lix what’s wrong?”, you looked at him, your eyes full of concern. he let out a scoff, “what’s wrong? what’s wrong is that you’ve been home the entire day and the house is still a mess.” 
your eyes widen. normally, felix is understanding about these things. you only have one day off the entire week. you’ve been overworking yourself so much recently that you just needed today to be a break. 
“i’m really sorry lix, i’ll just do it tomorrow” 
he glares at you, a foreign look swirling in his eyes. “if you were really sorry, you would have cleaned up after yourself. you know i don’t have time for this. it would only take thirty minutes max to fix up the house a little.”
“you really need to start doing something with yourself y/n. i’m not going to be doing everything while you just sit around and watch tv all day.”
you started tearing up. you didn’t mean to, but you really wanted to cry. felix saw the tears brimming in your eyes, and he started to feel a lump growing in his throat.
you didn’t know what else to say. you looked down and heard the receding footsteps, making your way to your bedroom. the tears slowly fell from your eyes, but you didn’t dare to make a sound. your boyfriend had never spoken to you like that, and he never really got that cold.
you picked up the clothes off the floor, putting them into the hampers and making your way to the laundry room. you put them in the wash and put the hampers back in your room.
you walked to the kitchen, and started to clean the dishes. you wanted to get it done as soon as possible, so felix could have a bit of relief when he got out of the shower. his words continued to replay in your head. you’ve been so exhausted recently, you felt bad that you couldn’t do anything for him.
you put the dishes back into their respective cabinets, and figured that felix would probably be hungry when he got out. you pulled out his favorite instant ramen, put it in the pot, and began making it for him. you hoped it would cheer him up. 
meanwhile, felix stays in the shower for longer than usual. he takes up the first eight minutes alone just standing in the warm stream, washing all the impurities off of his body. he stayed there for as long as he could, but for some reason, the guilt wouldn’t wash away with him.
he knew he shouldn’t have been so harsh. he didn’t mean to, he was just exhausted and already a little put off, but that’s no excuse to lash out at your girlfriend like that. after a while, he finally grabbed his shampoo, staring at the bottle for a moment before placing it back on the rack.
he reached down to grab your shampoo instead, the vanilla scent calming him down instantly. in a way, he felt closer to you. the foamy bubbles ran down his hair, and he began to wash the soap out of his hair. 
he then took another one of your items, your vanilla body wash. he liked that you’d always use vanilla scented items, it was easy to associate the smell with you. suddenly, the whole bathroom smelled like vanilla, smelled like you.
felix found the smell so comforting, almost like you were right there with him. he closed his eyes, thinking about what he said to you. he knew that as soon as he got out, he’d apologize to you. 
he finally got out of the shower and put some comfortable clothes on. it was almost two in the morning now, so he was expecting you to be asleep. he figured he’d apologize to you tomorrow when you wake up. 
he makes his way to the bedroom, but to his surprise you aren’t there. he didn’t go looking for you, he figured you needed some space. he saw your keys on your dresser, so he knew you hadn’t left the house. 
all of a sudden, he sees you at the door, a wooden rack in your hand with a bowl on top, decorated blue chopsticks on the side. you place it on his nightstand, and start playing with your thumbs, contemplating what to say next.
“i’m sorry for leaving the house a mess today, i know you didn’t want to come back home to that sight. i’ve cleaned it all up now though, and i made you some ramen. i figured you’d be hungry”, you let out a nervous chuckle. 
you looked up, and your heart immediately dropped to the pit of your stomach. you thought felix would be mad at you, but you didn’t expect him to cry.
he took your hand in his and let out a shaky breath. “i’m so sorry y/n. i truly didn’t mean what i said, i was just frustrated and seeing a messy house set me off a little bit. i promise it won’t happen again, please don’t overwork yourself just for my sake.”
you quickly wrapped him in a hug, “don’t cry lix, it’s okay. you’re just tired, i know you didn’t mean it”. you gave him a quick peck on his forehead, before running your fingers through his hair. 
he buried his head in your chest, inhaling the scent he’d been craving for the past hour, staining your his hoodie with his tears in the process.
“i love you lixie, im here for you. you don’t have to worry.”
he only clung onto you tighter after that, mumbling a little “i love you too” and multiple apologies into your chest. you smiled, knowing how vulnerable he was right now, and you were just happy he could trust you. 
“eat your ramen now, it’s getting cold dummy”
he looked up at you and smiled, patting the area next to him. you complied, lowering yourself onto the bed and clinging onto his arm.
the ramen had gone slightly cold, but it was still enjoyable. felix felt a familiar warmth spread throughout his entire being when you wrapped your arms around him, and let himself melt into your warmth. 
you have both been going through a lot recently, but you knew that as long as you had each other, you’d be okay.
<3
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baby-yongbok · 5 months
Text
Grief
Felix × Fem!Reader
Genre: Angst, kinda heavy, I'll say that it's heavy to be safe.
Word Count: 1,233
Summary: You had to find a way to numb the pain after losing your best friend, but hurting your boyfriend wasn't part of the plan.
Warnings: Mentions of drinking, Heavy Themes of Grief, Themes of toxic Coping skills, Yelling, Cursing.
A/N: it's grieving season for me so here's an attempt to let my feeling out ✨️enjoy✨️ this doesn't seem dark to me but I don't think like everyone else, please pay attention to the tags. + I'm uploading from my phone, so I'm sorry if anything looks stupid 🙃
✨️Masterlist✨️
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The doorknob twisted and turned vigorously as you fought with your keys. Your senses were off, but who's wouldn't be after taking as many shots as you have tonight.
Finally, you manage to find the right key and you're hoisted inside by your own body weight. You giggle at yourself as you stumble into the dark living room. The sound of your thick converse against the hardwood echoing off the walls. You shut the door a lot harder than you meant to, earning another giggle to fall from your lips.
"Are you going to keep doing this?" You jump at the sound of your boyfriend's smooth voice. Looking around with your blurry vision until your eyes landed on Felix sitting in the arm chair across from you. His voice is relatively calm, angry but calm.
"What?" You asked, plopping down on the couch and slipping your sneakers off. Before he can answer you're pulling yourself back up and stumbling your way over to the kitchen.
"You know what, going out and getting drunk. Drowning out your consciousness every night." Felix follows you, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he watches you closely. His eyes look sad but you're too inebriated to comment.
"It's fine. It's fun." You slur slightly as you try your best to extend yourself, standing on your toes to reach the top shelf of the cabinet. Felix watches you as you try to reach a bottle of red wine, a very expensive bottle that you both agreed to save for special occasions. Felix runs his hands over his face before he walks over to you. You smile at him thinking that he's going to help you. He leans forward, aggressively reaching up and slamming the cabinet shut, sobering you up a bit.
"What the fuck, Felix." You jump at the sound and push his shoulder. He glares down at you.
"I need you to stop this. This isn't the right way to deal with grief, me and the guys are here for you. We can find a good therapist, there are resources out there."
"Therapy doesn't fucking bring her back." You yell, eyes wide with anger. You've been working hard to get the feelings to go away. You've been going out nearly every night, drinking and trying to live your best life even though your partner in crime since Pre-school is gone. Felix nods, taking a deep breath to level his emotions.
"I understand that but this isn't healthy and -" A loud scoff leaves your lips, you shake your head as your anger rises.
"I don't need a fucking lecture. You have no idea what it's like to lose your best friend." Those were the words that made Felix snap, his vision went dark. Everything that he had been holding back for weeks poured out in an instant.
"The hell I do, I've been watching you, my best friend, practically kill herself with alcohol for an entire month. I can't do this shit anymore, Y/n. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to be there for you but you just aren't there anymore. You're not even willing to look in the damn mirror and see that you're falling apart. Do you think she'd be proud of this shit?"
Felix's deep voice bounced off of the walls and echoed through your head. He's never yelled at you before, this is the first time that he's used the deep tone of his voice towards you in an act of anger. Such an intense one at that. You stand there wide eyed and teary as Felix runs his hands through his hair, pacing a bit as more anger creeps up his throat. His loud deep voice ringing through your ears again.
"Nothing that I do seems to fucking matter, I've called therapists, I've tried to get you to go. I tried at home management. I tried giving you your space. Chan tells me not to hover, Hyunjin tells me to be open minded, Changbin tells me to guide you in the right direction but all that you want is the fucking alcohol. I've stayed up night after night worrying about you. I've cried during practices, I've cried on the phone with my sister, I've cried so fucking much because I'm losing you. You're standing right in front of me but I don't know who you are."
"Felix - " You take a step towards him, reaching for him but he takes a step back, shaking his head and cutting you off.
"No I can't, I don't want to hear it. I know that you're hurting, I understand that but I can't ignore my own pain anymore." Felix leans against the counter, hands in his hair as he slides down onto the floor.
"I quit, Y/n. I can't take it, I can't watch you kill yourself." His voice is softer now. He's sitting on the cool kitchen tile, knees to his heaving chest.
Tears fall from your eyes as you watch him. The weight of the moment is crashing down on you and you can't help but to crash with it. You can feel it all creeping up on you, the pain that you fought so violently to avoid is doubled. You were so focused on the person that you'd lost that you ended up pushing away the person that you still have. Dealing with grief is hard, it's earth shattering and painful but adding to the pain doesn't help. All of the drinks that you've had up until this point aren't worth the sight in front of you. It isn't worth hearing your boyfriend scream at the top of his lungs. It isn't worth seeing your boyfriend break right in front of you.
You double over, sobbing into your hands as you take it all in. You stop fighting the pain, falling to your knees. Mumbled apologies fall from your mouth as you try your best to explain but none of it makes sense. You want to give him an explanation, you want to be vulnerable for the first time in the last month since you lost your best friend. You want to hug her, Felix, yourself.
Felix would usually comfort you, but not tonight. Tonight he's decided to save himself. Tears decorate his freckled cheeks as he pulls himself from the floor, he looks over at you for a second too long muttering a small 'I'm sorry' before reluctantly leaving the kitchen and slowly climbing the stairs. You listen as he shuts one of the upstairs doors and the tears fall faster, sobbing harder into your hands.
Is it too late? Did you drive him away? You can't lose him too, you can't take that. You hug yourself tight, trying your best to feel some type of warmth, some type of comfort but it isn't enough. Your breath catches in your throat as everything plays over in your head. You feel heavy with pressure, you're a balloon that's slipped from a child's hands into the sky. You can feel yourself drifting away until you hit the atmosphere and suddenly, you pop.
Screams fill the quiet space around you. Your throat burns as you let it all out, every word you didn't get to say to your best friend, every tear that you refused to cry, all of it comes tumbling out in a raw display of pain. Grief in its purest form.
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frenchkisstheabyss · 6 months
Text
♡ Once More, With Feeling ♡
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♡ Pairing: poly!hyunlix x gn!reader
♡ Genre: fluff/angst
♡ Summary: Unable to sleep after a major argument leads to a breakup, you return to a place that's close to your heart to find comfort and end up with something much more special.
♡ Word Count: 1.4k-ish
♡ Warnings: None.
♡ A/N: I was listening to dreamy low-fi indie music and got in my feelings so, like, come get in them with meeee.
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It’s 3:23am and you can’t sleep. Two tablets of melatonin, three cups of chamomile tea, and an endless loop of soothing rain sounds have done nothing to change that. Your heart aches, it’s unbearable, and there’s not a single thing you can do about it. Rolling onto your back, you rip the covers off, only now realizing how much you’ve been sweating from the anxiety of cycling through last night’s events over and over in your head.
None of this feels real, losing Felix and Hyunjin, the ones you love the most. Maybe it was a bad idea from the start, the three of you being together. Maybe you weren’t as well equipped to keep them both happy as you thought. Every “maybe” hangs over you as if it’s written in glow-in-the-dark paint on the ceiling, taunting you from the void. Does any of it even matter now? Whatever it was that led to the eventual downfall of your relationship, the argument that ended it all, you can’t go back and fix it.
Even still, your heart longs for the possibility that you’ll be together again someday. You’ve always liked to think that when you truly love someone you’ll find each other no matter what, in this life or the next. It could be wishful thinking, the musings of a hopeless romantic. What does it hurt to wish, you figure, if that’s all you have? You take a long, deep breath in, allowing your breath to slowly flow back out as you squeeze your eyes shut. If I lay here long enough I’m bound to fall asleep. Right?
“Fuck it” you groan, popping up out of bed and throwing on your fuzzy bunny slippers. Felix thought it’d be cute if the three of you got matching pairs. You hate how right he was. You’ve been fighting tooth and nail with yourself all night not to drive down to the pier. For years it’s been the destination of endless late-night drives. It’s where you snuck away together when the rest of the world felt like it was too much. Your memories of being there, as much as they might sting, are the dearest things to you and you need to drown yourself in them now more than ever.
So, before you know it, you’re headed out the door pulling a hoodie over your head, car keys in hand, desperately seeking solace in nostalgia. It’s a long, lonely ride to the pier. The combination of empty streets and too-long traffic lights gives you the sense that the world has come to a screeching halt. Whether it has or not for everyone else, it has for you. The light flashes neon green, bringing you back down to earth just as you begin to drift away, and you’re making the right turn that takes you to your usual parking spot. 
Turning the car off, you take a moment to sit and inspect the other cars around you. There are a few on your side, a dozen more on the other, but there doesn’t seem to be anyone out here. Probably all people who live nearby. Confident that you’re alone, the wall you’ve put up comes crumbling down, tears falling down your cheek faster than you can wipe them away. Why am I doing this to myself? You shake your body in what would look to a passerby like a cute, albeit strange, dance of sorts in hopes that some of the emotions overwhelming you will fall away like leaves.
Get it together. Summoning all of the courage you have, you make your way to the stairs leading up to the pier. You almost slip on the gritty, sand-coated steps, but manage to make it to the top without breaking your neck. As you venture forward you already hear the waves crashing to shore. You feel the stars watching you, their gaze intense and overwhelming. Only it’s not their gaze at all. There’s someone at the end of the pier staring back at you, teary-eyed and stunned. That intensity, that overwhelming emotion, it’s his.
Felix? No, no, no. You turn on your heels, racing back to the car before you lose it completely. “Wait!” he yells, running after you. Felix hadn’t expected to see you here either. He’d typed a million text messages asking you to come but he’d deleted all of them, thinking you wouldn’t want to see him with everything being so fresh. He’s been wishing too, as much as you have, and he can’t let this moment slip away. Your car door’s halfway open when he reaches you, your fingers held tightly around the handle.
“Can we talk?” he asks, his hushed voice skimming your neck as he pushes the door closed. You don’t fight him. You don’t want to. The feeling of his chest against your back, the wind blowing his hair so that it tickles your cheek, makes you want to melt into him. Turning to face him, melting is the first thing you do, straight into his arms. He doesn’t hesitate to hold you tight to him, the tension soothed by the simple act of having you near him again. “I’m really sorry” you weep, “I should’ve seen that you weren’t happy.” 
Felix shushes you, his fingers stroking your neck, “Stop, don’t say that. I was happy. Me and Hyunjin…working with each other, we just get frustrated sometimes and it wasn’t supposed to come home but it did. I should be sorry” “What? No invite to the family reunion?” you hear Hyunjin ask and you’re positive that you’re hallucinating. But when you look up he’s standing there staring at the two of you with an expression you can’t quite make out. “I…no…we didn’t…” Felix stutters but Hyunjin’s already walking away, heading for the edge of the pier, ignoring you like you’re strangers.
You’re so much more than that and he knows it. Enough time hasn’t passed for him to erase what you shared from his mind. Even if he could, he wouldn't. Why else would he be here? Hyunjin shoves his hands in his pockets, stopping to make a half-turn toward you. “If I admit I’m an asshole will you come with me?” “I mean, we already know you’re an asshole so…no” Felix teases, getting a laugh out of both of you. “What if I say I’m sorry and that I’d really like to not be alone…to be with you two?” A long stretch of silence separates his question and your answer.
“Wait up,” you smile, taking Felix’s hand and dragging him along with you to catch up to Hyunjin. Meeting him at the center of the pier, you take his hand too and the three of you walk to the edge together. Any other time the minutes would fly by, all of the laughter and kisses making hours feel like minutes. But, in the presence of lingering pain, minutes feel like hours. “It’s not the same,” Hyunjin sighs, picking at his already chipped nail polish and flicking it into the sea. You want to deny it but you can’t. “No, it’s not.” Felix sits down, crossing his legs as he frustratingly tousles his hair, “So that’s it, then? We’re done?” 
You take a seat beside him on the ground, sick to your stomach at the thought, “I mean, is that what you want?” “Of course not. It’s never what I wanted. We are what I want.” You turn to Hyunjin and he’s already sitting down on the other side of you, his head resting on your shoulder. “Me too” he yawns, “But what about you? It doesn’t matter what we want if you don’t—” “I do. I always will.” Their faces brighten up, even in the midst of their exhaustion. Felix takes his jacket off, gathers it in a little bundle in your lap, and lays down. “Maybe it shouldn’t feel the same this time,” he muses, “We should make it better.”
You pet Felix’s hair, “I’d like that.” Hyunjin nuzzles up closer to you, seconds from falling asleep, “Better sounds nice.” Stroking Hyunjin’s cheek, you lean into him too, every sleep aid you tried kicking in at once. Suddenly the world feels like it’s moving again, bursting with life even in the dead of night.
You’ve always liked to think that when you truly love someone you’ll find each other no matter what, in this life or the next. How beautiful it is that it turned out to be this one after all.
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