#les mis instagram fucked up

[lesmissocials-fuckedup]

Today I present to you this gem from the Belgian les mis account, asking us what our prison number would be, which is. Certainly a move.

Translation : 24601 - Nordin (Javert actor in this production) explains why this is such an important number in Les Misérables. What would be your prison number? 🤔

Note : thanks again to @javertautismtruther for letting me know about this one ! I try to share the posts I can find, but I must admit Instagram posts and posts of non-english speaking les mis account often fly under the radar so if you ever see something like this, a heads-up is always more than welcome !

[bueckerrss]

si no le contesto - s. golbach

sam x latina ! reader

warnings: cursing in spanish, arguing, drinking. use of pet names.

translations will be provided

————————————————————————-

7 missed calls from mi amor

incoming call mi amor

answer decline

1 new voice message!

play delete

“samuel si no contestas ahora mismo ni siquiera pienses en volver a casa, me estas estresando!”

“Samuel, if you don't answer right now, don't even think about coming home, you're stressing me out!”

6 voice messages remaining

play all delete all

“sam, don't forget to pick up the advil before you get home”

“hey sam, i know you're busy but i wanted to let you know that i just finished the report and that probably when you get home i'll be sleeping be careful ok? i love you”

“sam, i'm getting worried answer your phone”

“samuel, enserio ya deja de jugar y contesta tu telefono”

“samuel, seriously, stop playing and answer your phone”

“oye, sam, ya vente a casa, ya es tarde”

“hey, sam, come home, it's already late”

“samuel contesta tu pinche telefono ahora mismo, que estas haciendo?”

“samuel, answer your fucking phone right now, what are you doing?”

the girl paced back and forth in the living room constantly looking at her phone hoping to see at least a message from her boyfriend but nothing.

samgolbach added to their story.

the girl clicked on the notification slightly sick to her stomach that not once did she get a call back from him but he posts on his story like he was not ignoring her calls a few seconds ago.

instagram opened up to the boys story, it was him at a party the flash from the phones camera being the only source of light shining in the boys face as he held a tequila shot towards the camera before shooting it down his throat making a face as the liquid made its way down.

“he could post but not answer my calls or messages? just great.” she thought. as she was analyzing the video it skipped to the next story colby’s story it was a video some what similars to sam’s but sam was in the background talking to a girl but not just any girl his ex.

they were laughing and drinking together before she grabs his hand and starts taking him upstairs that’s when the video cuts off.

not only did he not answer her calls but now he was cheating on her “wait no sam could never cheat on me he’s not the type” she thought as she sat down on the couch “or is he? no don’t doubt that he’s an amazing boyfriend he would never cheat on me” her thoughts raced as she tried to distract herself.

“think about what they could be doing right now, how hes probably doing everything he does to you” the thoughts had her head spinning.

she couldn’t have these thoughts not at this moment. she made her way into her room deciding to just sleep these thoughts away.

-

after a few minutes of tossing and turning to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in the girl was finally tired enough to let sleep take over.

the low creek of the door opening and closing shuffling and the feeling of the bed sinking behind her woke her up she knew it was him the smell of alcohol and perfume not just any perfume a cheap knock off of her favorite perfume filled her nostrils

“hey honey” spoke sam as he placed his hand on her waist “how was your night did you finish that report for work?” he didnt listen to the voice messages

“si, ya lo terminé trajiste el advil que te pedí?” “no, im sorry babe i forgot” liar “oh really?” she asked not looking at him “yea, the meeting lasted longer than i expected” “is that so?” she sarcastically replied grabbing her phone and heading to her instagram and opening it to his story “because according to you and colby’s stories you were at a party” she showed him the video as she pushed him off her to get up.

“yes, i already finished it, did you bring the advil i asked for?”

“what?” his voice slightly lowered “yea, i saw them didn’t think about restricting me first before posting did you? oh and don’t get me started on the fact that you were talking with your ex in colby’s video or the fact that she took you upstairs”

“babe, that’s not true we didn’t go upstairs” he replied as he got out of the bed “don’t try to lie your way out of this! i saw the video and it clearly shows that you two went upstairs!” she argued.

“y/n, please you know i would never do anything to hurt you!” he exclaimed as he slowly walked towards her “no sam, aver donde te vas a dormir porque aquí en mi casa ni te quiero ver”

“no sam, see where you're going to sleep because here at my house I don't even want to see you”

“what y/n you can’t be serious it’s four in the fucking morning!” “ni modo mi amor hubieras pensado en eso antes de llegar a estas horas oliendo a alcohol y perfume barato” she said as she pushed him out of her apartment closing the door in his face and locking it.

“too bad my love, you should’ve thought about that before arriving at this time smelling of alcohol and cheap perfume”

-

1:30pm

mi güero <3

y/n?

babe i’m so sorry i couldn’t make home last night my flight got delayed and i had no service at all

baby? are you mad at me? i’m sorry for not responding sooner or answering your calls you know if i could i would have please don’t be mad at me.

wait you’re probably still sleeping you most likely finished that report so late last night

yup, you did those voice messages you left i’m sorry i couldn’t answer but i’m already in my uber i have the advil and i’m bringing you your favorite breakfast from your favorite restaurant:)

as sam got off the uber making his way into his girlfriends apartment trying to balance the coffee with the breakfast bag his luggage and his phone he carefully unlocked the door making his way inside.

“y/n, honey it’s time to wake up” he whispered softly shaking the girl awake “huh?” she responded standing up and rubbing her eyes “goodmorning beautiful, go wash up while i go get your food from the kitchen” he smiled as he looked at her lovingly “sam?” “yes baby?” he asked turning to meet her eyes “what are you doing here?” she asked “what do you mean what am i doing here i live here silly” he laughed slightly “wait what” she whispered looking around.

“are you alright babe?” he asked worried going back to kneel down next to her “si estoy bien solo un poco confundida” “why, are you confused love?” he asked looking at her confused written all over her face “weren’t you at a party last night?” she mumbled confused “a party? no i was stuck at the airport in australia last night” he replied pulling out his phone to show her the pictures of him goofy around at the airport with colby.

“that’s weird never mind i think i just had a bad dream” she explained getting up to go get washed up in the bathroom.

i must’ve been dreaming because sam was clearly stuck at the airport with no signal. the things my brain comes up with when he doesn’t answer me.

———————————————————————

this is probably shit but i’ve been super busy with practices and school but i’m on break so imma try to grind and get some stuff i’ve been working on out anyway hope you enjoyed this :)

🏷️: @sturniolobendystrawsposts @hearts4chris @patscorner @lexisecretaccx @tubl-mc @junnniiieee07 @sturnioloblogs @sturniolos-blog

[spidybaby]

Pleasee we need a “Begin again” oneshot where polo meets Gavi and the rest of the team 😩🙏

"Okay, gordo, we're here." Pedro says, taking him out of the car seat.

The team was having a little father/daughter or father/son activity today, they ask the fathers to bring their kids.

The majority of the team found out by an instagram post that he made. But his friends like Ferran and Gavi knew before anyone.

Ferran was the only one who met Polo before the announcement. Something that Gavi didn't like was that he couldn't meet him before, even when he was the one who told Pedro about your return to Barcelona and gave you his number.

Xavi also knew before anybody else. He and the higher-ups of the club.

Polo was in a very good mood today, thinking that was great, considering he just had a cold and was in a very mad mood all day these past days.

"Hoy te daré un tour por donde juega papi." (Today I'm giving you a tour of the stadium where daddy plays)

"Papa"

"Yes, mi amor, and you're meeting some of my teammates, maybe some friends for you."

Pedro was one of the first ones to arrive. Xavi and him made conversation. He was happy with him because he stayed, Xavier knows that he is a very important player for them.

"Es que ya veo al futuro número ocho." (I can see the future number 8) Xavi jokes. "I don't know about your girlfriend, but I can only see you in him."

"My mother says the same thing." He laughs. "But I think he's going to change, I used to look like my dad, and now I look like my mother."

"I can relate. My son used to look like me, and now he's all my wife." Xavi points at his son. "I can't even believe I met you when you were a child, and now we are talking about our kids."

Pedro laughs, remembering how young he was, believing that being coached by Xavi was the best thing ever. And it was.

"Dios mio, mira esos cachetes." (My God, look at those cheeks) Ferran says, hugging Pedro carefully. "Hi beautiful boy, you're so big."

"He's heavier too." Xavi jokes.

"Gavi is so excited to meet Polo. He was so mad at me when I posted the picture to my WhatsApp."

"Macho, estaba enojado a más no poder, me tuvo bloqueado por varios días." (Man, he was mad as fuck, he blocked me for a few days)

"Who had you blocked?" Gavi ask, eyes fixed on his phone. "Man, this place is going to smell like dirty diaper and cheese."

"You heard that Polo?" Xavi says serious, "Tío Pablo dice que le caga que llegaras a oler a pañal cagado y a queso." (Uncle Pablo says he hates that you'll smell like dirty diaper and cheese)

The way Pablo lifts his head from the screen makes everyone laugh.

Xavi passed Polo back to his father. Pedro points to another room for Pablo to follow him.

"Polito, hijo mío, this is Pablo, he's your uncle, yes a piece of-"

"Don't say that González." Pablo quickly covers his friends mouth. "Introduce me nicely."

"This is Uncle Pablo. He's a little piece of mind, but it turns out to be one of the best people I have ever met."

Pablo has his eyes on the boy. He's so like Pedro, but he can definitely see some of you.

"Puedo cargarlo?" (Can I hold him?) He ask excited.

"I don't know." Pedro laughs. "Polo, do you want Uncle Pablo to hold you?"

Polo smiled at Pablo. He has his hands out, ready to hold him.

"Vente, I want to see if your uncle Fernando is right about you being a little rock."

Polo extends his arms to Pablo, and he didn't miss a second to take him.

"Joder, si que eres lindo, y eso que este de acá." He points at Pedro. "Es tu papá." (Fuck, you're really beautiful, and that on this man being your father)

Pedro couldn't help but laugh at how his friend is talking to the child about how thanks to him, his parents are now together.

"Venga, vamos afuera que ya va a empezar." (C'mon, let's go outside. This almost begins) Pedro tries to take his son from Pablo, but this one walks away with him as if it's his own. Still talking to him about different things.

"Hey guys" Frenkie shouts, he was so excited for this day, even tho he's not a father himself, he loves kids, they're funny, cute and he loves hugs and kids love giving hugs. Perfect day for him. "Pablo? Do you have a son?" He asks, confused.

Before Pablo could answer, Pedro and Ferran say yes. Even giving him the diaper bag.

"I'm a father now, right Pablito Jr?"

"God, I hate that name." Ferran laughs.

"You're just jealous because Pablo Jr. and I are going to have an amazing day today." He says, sticking his tongue out as he walks to the field where the other players and their kids are.

"Did he just stole your son?" Xavi asks, watching the way Pablo is showing Polo around.

"Yes."

"Joder, that kid is crazy. Let him try to change a diaper, and he'll give the baby back so quickly."

Pedro laughs at the idea, but he can't lie that the way Pablo's bragging about his kid is adorable.

And he was kind of right, without him finding you at the grocery store and giving you his number. It would've taken more time than necessary for you two to reconnect.

"Pedro," Ansu calls, waving at him to come. He recently welcomed his firstborn to the world. So it was the first time they met the baby. "Where's your kid?"

With his eyebrows, he points towards Pablo. He and Raphinha are talking, both with kids that aren't theirs.

"Don't worry, once they start fussing, they're getting them back." He laughs, "This is Mike, he's my son."

"We're getting a new player in a few years." He says, taking the kid in his hands. Before Polo, he would have denied holding any babies, too scared to drop them or something. But after Polo, he was confident in himself. "Epa, he's really cute."

"He's a pain in the ass at night, but I wouldn't change a thing." They laugh, knowing what it is, Ansu more than him.

The activity begins, it was a fun recreational event. More focused on the bigger kids, but they included all the kids with all kind of activities.

"Pedro." Pablo hurries to his side. "I think he pooped."

"I don't know, man, that's Pablo Jr Paez, not Polo González." He turns and walks away slowly, knowing Pablo is panicking.

"Pedro." He cries. "I can't do this, I'm a kid."

"A what now?" He can't believe the scare face his friend has. It's comical. "I thought you were saying that's your kid."

"Es que," he tries to think of an excuse that's good enough. "I'm a kid."

Pedro can't keep with his joke since the face his kid has is a panicked one, he's uncomfortable and he knows it.

"Come here, precioso mio." He hugs Polo carefully, not wanting to smear the situation in his diaper. "Want to come with me?"

Pablo makes this funny face, saying no with his head. "But when you're done, I want him back, I really like holding him"

"Adiós." He says, waving his hand, walking to the bathroom. Lucky for him, Frenkie was there. "Hey man, are you done playing with the kids?"

"No, but Ansu wanted me to hold his baby, and I was nervous."

"So you hide in the bathroom?" He raised his eyebrow. "Why not just say no?"

"No, I hold him, but I almost drop him, so I'm done for the day."

"It's okay, that happens, just don't hold more babies for the day, and if you do, make sure to do it slowly."

Frenkie and him stayed there. He changed the diaper, and Frenkie told him about the things some kids told him.

The activities continued, and they all had a nice time. The club gave them some gifts for this fathers/kid Day, it was a funny experience.

"I got a bag." Pablo says happy, "and I got a lollipop." He lifts the gift with his free hand, proud of it.

"Why did you get a gift, and I didn't." Ferran ask confused, he tried to stole a gift, but he couldn't.

"Paula has a crush on me." He laughs, knowing that everyone in the club is aware that he's single and with no kids. But Paula saw him with the baby in his arms and gave him the bag without question.

"Asshole."

"You're just jealous."

"Okay," Pedro interrupted. They all got to their cars, coincidentally they're parked next to each other. "Give me my son, and go home with your gift."

"Adiós, Pablito Jr." He kisses the baby multiple times, Polo is laughing, loving the attention. "I want to take you home, but I can't even change you, so I'll come see you."

"You can come anytime." Pedro pats his back. Pablo and Ferran never needed an invitation for them to go to his house, and he didn't need an invitation to go to their houses. "Polito loves the attention, and you need a distraction from the videogames."

"Papa." Polo does grabby hands to Pedro, done with Pablo's arms. The two boys are in awe from this, Pedro is an amazing father, and they know it.

"No, but I'm serious. You both can come at any time." He shakes both the boys' hands. Polo also waved them goodbye, something Fernando taught him to do. Making both Pablo and Ferran almost scream in excitement.

When he arrived home, he bathed the baby, ready for his nap. After all, it was a good day for him.

"Hola hola," you greet, walking in with your work bag. "How was it?" You kiss Pedro hello, then kiss Polo, who was almost passed out with the way he's being swayed and the milk he's almost done with.

"It was good, Pablo told everyone that he was Pablo Jr., and Ansu has a babyboy. Remember me to send something to him."

"I'm not surprised with Pablo, I mean, he even sent me an audio mad when we didn't tell him first." You laugh, happy for your boys, mostly because Pedro is starting to become more secure about Polo being public and trusting himself with him outside.

"Yeah, crazy. Also, Xavi says -"

The doorbell interrupted him, and you go check who it is, laughing when you see who's at the door.

"Come in." You step aside for Pablo to come in. "I heard you have a kid now."

"Oh stop, but I got a gift from saying that."

Pablo walks in happy, gifts in hand. "I bought this when Pedro told me, well, Ferran announced it to me." He says, bittery joking tone. "But I wanted to drop it."

"Pablito," you hug him, Pablo, and you always had this special connection. He trusted you like nobody else, always asking you for advice, for help. He was like a little brother to you. Just like with Pedro, they had this relationship since the beginning. "Te quiero mucho."

The evening was good, Pablo and Pedro talked about future matches. He even learned how yo change a diaper when Polo woke up.

I guess we all can say that Pablo has baby fever thanks to your kid.

[stuckasmain]

Les mis is in my city right now… I got to see it a few years ago but are you fucking kidding me with the timing? 4-5th? It’s here a bit longer but I probably would’ve died

Absolutely decimates Hamilton when it comes to sold out/overwhelmed because the theaters instagram

“Show up early if you want merch. We’re starting at 7:30. We will leave you in the lobby”

💀 I can’t imagine how late they started one night.

[expired-applejuice]

Part 6 of incorrect les mis

Some or these may have been done.

Grantaire: I will not let a technicality stop me.

Joly: Techni- you mean the law?

Grantaire: Yes I hate that word.

-

Bahorel: I asked Feuilly out.

Montparnasse: Oh, I'm sorry.

Bahorel: Why?

Montparnasse: Well, I assume he said no.

Bahorel: No, he said yes.

Montparnasse: Really? Then I'm sorry for him.

-

Courfeyrac: Gay as fuck to be a angry politician. What are you mad about? Men? Are you just crazy about men?

Grantaire: I hear that politics is a man dominated field. Is that what you want? To be dominated by other men?

Enjolras: *confused* I beg your pardon????

Grantaire: *holding out a Bouquet of flowers* what's not clicking?

-

Jehan: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it, 'What were you thinking?'

Feuilly: Funny, 'cause I was just going to go across the hall and write that on Montparnasse.

-

Courfeyrac to Combeferre: I don't know how many times I have to say this. Do not like a picture of my ass on Instagram if you don't want me in your DMs telling you to spank it, all right? Just don't do it.

-

Fantine: Javert, you and Valjean did not do it. And while I applaud your misguided efforts to make me jealous, I have work to do. So... leave.

Javert: I don't care about making you jealous. I just care about pleasing your fella.

Fantine: Valjean is not "my fella".

Javert: *smirks* And how!

-

Eponine: I've kinda of had this uh, this crush on you. But since you were with Marius, I-I didn't do anything about it. But, now that you're not, I'd really like to ask you out sometime. So-so that's-that's what I'm doing, now.

*Marius gets this hurt expression on his face and goes into the back room*

Cosette: Wow! Umm....

*A loud crash and the sound of breaking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash, Marius emerges with everyone looking at him*

Marius: I dropped a cup.

-

*Grantaire stops Combeferre*

Grantaire: Oh, Combeferre, I saw what happened. Is your boyfriend okay?

Combeferre: *stops short, looks at him* My boyfriend?!

Grantaire: Yeah, th-th-the loud little friendly one you're always hanging around with...oh, uh, Courfeyrac.

Combeferre: He's not my boyfriend.

Grantaire: Are you sure...?

Combeferre: Yes, I'm sure. I don't like him. He's shallow and loud, talkative. He's everything that I hate.

Grantaire: But Combeferre, you hate everything.

Combeferre: What's that supposed to mean?

Grantaire: Well, it means that... that maybe you like him cause... *sings* I kinda think you dooo.

Combeferre: No! How could I like him. Because I don't like him! Because I can't like him! Grantaire, if I like him.... shoot me.

Grantaire: *turns to him and makes a finger gun* POW!!

-

Grantaire to Enjolras: You'll figure out what to do Apollo, you have great instincts. You have a great butt too, but that's a whole other thing.

-

Bossuet, drunkingly confronting Musichetta: Hey you! Musichetta is it? Yeah. I don't know where you're from. But I'll have you know, I am the catch of Paris.

Joly: That's true. That's how he signed my yearbook.

-

Marius: Okay, remember, workout time tomorrow is 6:30. So get some rest. Or do what I do: lie awake and listen to your roommate do stuff with your other roommate on the other side of the wall.

*Everyone stares at Eponine and Cosette*

-

Joly, putting a hand on Bossuet's forehead: God, you're hot...

Bossuet: So are you.

Joly: With a fever.

-

Courfeyrac: We don't have to do nothing *looks around* nothing big was taken, probably some kids having fun.

Enjolras: Fun?

Courfeyrac: Yeah, you know, fun... that thing you've never had.

Enjolras: I have plenty of fun, okay *walks over to Grantaire and smiles* I'm fun, right?

Grantaire, looking Enjolras up and down: You're good lookin!

-

Eponine: Anyway, I was wondering if, you were the sort of person who... eats lunch.

Cosette: Are you asking me out? 'Cause it would be kinda weird since I just broke up with Marius.

Eponine: Yeah uh... okay. I'm-I'm sorry. Bye.

Cosette: No! Wait! I was just saying that so you'd think I was a good person. Fight for me.

Eponine: Uhh, I won't take no for an answer.

Cosette: Not great, but we can work on it at lunch.

-

*The other cops walking in on Javert packing up night vision goggles*

Javert: Oh man, I gotta go to the bench in town. I'm late to stalk Valjean.

-

Courfeyrac: So what, we just sit?

Combeferre: Ohh, no, no. We're not going to just sit. *calls Marius* Shhh.

Marius, answering the phone: Hello, Marius Pontmercy.

Combeferre, in a high pitched female voice; Hello Mr. Pontmercy... I love you.

Marius, angrily: Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! *Les Amis silently laughing* It's been six months! It's not funny!

Combeferre: But, I love you.

Marius: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!!

*Combeferre hangs up*

Combeferre: And that's Wednesday.

-

Feuilly: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get--is that a hickey?

Jehan: No, I just, I fell down.

Feuilly: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the hickey?

*Bahorel high fives Montparnasse*

-

*Marius tries to enter the Cafe back room that has a voice command*

Marius: Marius.

Computer: Access denied.

Marius: Pontmercy.

Computer: Access denied.

Marius: Nostrils.

Computer: Access Denied.

Marius: *grumbles* Napoleon's Bitch.

Computer: Welcome, mari-quiff.

-

Marius: I know I didn't do anything wrong, but where am I gonna find another friend like Courfeyrac?

Eponine: Look, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, okay? It's like when you and Cosette broke up. It was for the best. And after a while, she found someone better. Me. And since then, I've enjoyed throwing that in your face as often as possible. What was your question again?

-

*Valjean and Javert hug*

Fantine: Could you cut it out? I gotta go home to an empty apartment.

-

*Marius wants to talk to a hidden Cosette*

Marius: Eponine, do you know where she is?

Eponine: 712 Forest Lane, blue house with a little flamingo on the lawn.

Marius: Wow. Stalk much?

Eponine: Yes.

[lesmissocials-fuckedup]

humbly submitting this for consideration:

Always missing the instagram posts somehow thank you for sending this in !

The Valjean vs Javert question is already... not great. But honestly the bad part is when after that they pit Eponine and Cosette against each other ? Which 1- they do way too much for their own good and 2- shut up you did both of them wrong

Not to mention the video features a few people really misunderstanding the characters so there's that as well

(I can't post the whole video right now but here is the link https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwoS8CmJKco/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== )

[nightcoremoon]

it is hilarious that people will insult belittle demean and tear into the avengers movies or the legend of korra or halestorm or whatever is popular and claim they’re the worst of the worst bottom of the barrel sub F tier trash available on the market. true they’re not perfect and true they’re not everyone’s cup of tea and true they’re semi poppy and commercialized but this is a capitalist hell hole and you have to commercialize yourself or starve and taste is subjective and nothing is perfect. except maybe lord of the rings. but whatever it’s unimportant.

that is still in the barrel. that is still drinkable. still tasty.

I have seen what is under the barrel. I have seen the moldy rot-infested barnacles infesting the bowels of the industry. I have seen horrors that you lesser minded folks incapable of viewing the big picture couldn’t even begin to fathom. I am the protagonist of an eldritch horror novel and you are just a bystander NPC programmed to repeat what you hear and are told to believe from social media. you are a slave to tiktok and instagram and twitter thinking that whatever is the most popular thing at the time is the worst that you can get, but I am here to tell you that you don’t even know the first thing about objectively bad media.

morbius is the single worst marvel property ever made and yes that absolutely includes daredevil, ghost rider, Xmen 3, fantastic four: rise of the silver surfer. because at least they’re all still good stupid fun popcorn movies (except for silver surfer holy shit that was bad but even then I’d still rather watch that one twice than ever lay my eyes on morbius ever again). and please note that this is five atrocious marvel movies that are not part of your most hated cinematography universe. THERE ARE FIVE MARVEL MOVIES THAT ARE WORSE THAN THE “MARVEL MOVIES” THAT YOU ALL CLAIM TO HATE. and don’t even get me started on the dc movies (suicide squad & catwoman) and dark horse (spawn). and superhero movies in general. I haven’t even touched Netflix originals or other similar garbage.

Sierra Burgess. Tall Girl. The Kissing Booth. Secret Obsession. Swiped. Food Boy. MUSIC. CYBERBU//Y. ARTEMIS FUCKING FOWL. DON’T FORGET THE LAST GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING M NIGHT SHYAMALAN TRAINWRECK AIRBENDER (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ and how about Disney’s remakes? Shyamalan’s rest of the garbage pile? Every single shitty offensive terrible movie Paris Hilton paid for with daddy’s money??? Master of Disguise. Zoom. Cat in the Hat. N O R B I T. Loqueesha.

LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THAT LOQUEESHA IS A BETTER MOVIE THAN IRON MAN OR CAP 2.

“I don’t know what loqueesha is let me look it up.

oh.

oh no.”

Oldboy remake. Cats and Les Mis remakes. Half of Adam Sandler’s filmography. I could go on for hours here.

tell me korra is bad when PPG2016 exists. tell me halestorm is bad when brokencyde exists. tell me any film you’ve heard of is bad when video brinquiedo has a shittier ripped off lower budget & RACIST version of it.

you don’t know what you’re talking about. you only adopted the garbage. I was born in it. raised by it. molded by it. the first time I saw a genuinely good movie I was already grown, by then it was nothing but fun to me! yes I quoted the worst nolan batman movie but blatant copaganda it may be it’s still better than a significant portion of other films on the market especially now that streaming is the way of the future, a way to enable mediocre directors to churn out dozens and hundreds of hours of bad content than you decide to ignore and instead throw rocks at some of the only worthwhile viewing experiences available without cash. although occasionally you do get gems like EEAAO.

it’s the same old bandwagon as always. the haters will just move on to whatever the spotlight shines upon next.

[dannypuro]

So I just binged Something Telling and it’s just, so amazing? Like, your characterization is so on point and I just have nothing but nice things to say about it. Can I make a list? I’m gonna make one cause I have Emotions™️ about every one of these dweebs.

1. Grantaire is just, so nice and kind and smart, and not an alcoholic! Like, I love the fics where he deals with that, but it’s nice to see him being a semi-functional adult person. (Was he an alcoholic in this universe at one point?) Plus, he’s still enough of an emotional disaster otherwise. Love him ❤️

2. ENJ VS TECHNOLOGY. I could read about that forever. Swearing in an elevator? Iconic. Never using the space bar? Perfect. Also now I refer to movies as “movings” in my head so there’s that.

3. Combeferre is the sane man of this family and I love it so much. Also I never thought of vaccines for time travel AUs and I genuinely cackled when Ferre brought it up. Like, yeah, that’s a good point.

4. Jehan is always chaotic and I love them for it. Also, I know R doesn’t want to hear about it, but I absolutely want to know what their sex talk consisted of. I’m curious.

5. Baz and Feuilly. Yes. Good. Lovely boys. So glad they got their shit together.

6. “I am wanted by the government for high treason.” Honestly Enj has so many golden moments/lines. He is trying his best and I love him.

7. The PTSD our boy has and how he’ll have to work through it, but he has Friends and Boyfriend to help. (Side note: I live in the US, so I don’t know how much of a thing it might be in Paris, but do they set off a lot of fireworks on New Years? Cause I feel like that would be a thing that Enj would have to deal with, especially if no one tells him about it beforehand)

8. The research you would have had to do for this is just, incredible. And I think you captured how someone would really be if they just got yeeted into the future with no tech experience whatsoever. Like, I’ve been living here since 1994 and I’m overwhelmed by stuff sometimes.

9. Slightly unrelated but I also saw that you did the AU where Grantaire is a baker and Enj is totally not in the mafia (the name escapes me) and I also love that fic.

Hopefully that was somewhat coherent! Seriously though your work is great and I can’t wait for more!

(Also, if you want and it’s not a plot point of the next one, what is Enjolras’s reaction to musicals? I know the boy loves his opera, but someone had to have shown him something on YouTube and I just crave knowledge about this universe) Thanks! 🥰

GUH thank you!!!!!!! thank you thank you!!! and thank you for taking the time to make a list because i thrive off of validation alone and it made my day 🥺. SO.

grantaire is a total sweetheart. like, genuinely a nice person who is trying his best despite the fact that he has a hard time. baby. of course, the funniest part about him is the fact that he has NO idea that he’s actually just like... nice. he’s like... oh man it sure sucks that i’m the worst person possible to help someone in need... sucks that i’m the only one here... sorry dude i’m sorry i’m not combeferre... and then he proceeds to just like. make beef stew and be so careful and kind and thoughtful and try his very best and let enjolras go to sleep on his shoulder during a moving. like... sir. ok. also, yes, i tend to write him a little more... with his shit together, especially in this fic. you mentioned that you read And If I See You In The Daylight (the bakery fic)--i kind of wrote this assuming a similar character arc (minus the bakery, of course. like, grantaire used to be much, much more of a mess in a lot of ways, and drinking too much was a part of that, and he’s slowly been working on it. and now he’s 29, and he’s doing his best, and his friends love him. he’s doing a little better in this fic than in the bakery fic--maybe he’s a little older? maybe because combeferre is a little harsher than jbm and gets on his case when he starts to slip back into old habits? yeah.

ENJ VS TECHNOLOGY. sweetie. baby. the first time combeferre vacuums his apartment when enj is around he’s like “hey man, do you mind if i do the vacuuming?” and enj (has NO idea what that word is, is falling asleep while reading on the couch in the sun) is like “do what you will” and then ferre turns the vacuum on and enjy does that thing when a cat is startled and it jumps like three feet up in the air and puffs up like a squirrel. he’s awake now.

combeferre. baby. he’s genuinely, genuinely trying his best, but it’s fucking hard when you’re tired and overworked and also none of your friends use their brains more than 30% of the time and also your new best friend is a spiky little revolutionary from EIGHTEEN THIRTY TWO. so. um. he’s a little stressed. but he loves enjy so much and doesn’t even mind when he’s dramatic and annoying because he’s such a sweet dude and they’re FRIENDS. sometimes he comes home from a long day of work and enj has come over and washed all of his dishes and brought over takeout but also rearranged all of his books and also eaten like three mangoes. listen. friendship is about gently tormenting your BFF because you are COMFORTABLE AROUND EACH OTHER.

jehan. baby. instagram influencer supreme. i’ve gotten like a bazillion asks about their sex talk--i SWEAR i will write it eventually because the concept of it just cracks me up. jehan is like. “ok. enjy. tell me what you know about sex” and enj is like... “i understand that..... it occurs?” and jehan is like :^/ and enj is like “one must be careful not to contract syphilis from unseemly sources?” and jehan is like “TIme For A Conversation Before Grantaire Messes This Up”

baz and feuilly. babies. they’re just such a sweet, casual couple and they  like each other so much. also, first date 3 am kebabs? after they FINALLY communicated? and then baz gets railed like he deserves? they deserve it.

enj has a secret little sense of humor and it’s just a little hidden by the fact that he is 1) repressed 2) awkward. but it’s there! he’s just so smart and secretly funny and grantaire thinks he’s fucking hilarious. except when he jokes about the fact that he’s technically dead. it makes grantaire sad. he’s like YOU’RE NOT DEAD THOUGH BABE YOU’RE EATING JAPCHAE RIGHT NOW and enj is like. “i believe that if you observe my wicky encyclopaedia you shall learn otherwise 🤷” and grantaire is like 😰BABE

yeah. yeah. listen. he’s got a lot of shit to deal with. it’s gonna take a while. like... that is some SERIOUS trauma, and he didn’t even have any time in his own century to process it. he went straight from a very violent event--LITERALLY about to be executed 😰--to being zapped to a time where he recognizes NOTHING. that... didn’t help. and he can’t really go to a therapist (which causes combeferre no shortage of distress) since like... he wouldn’t be able to explain anything about the barricades or the source of his trauma to begin with. so... yeah. but yes! he has friends and a boyfriend who love and support him so much! and it’s the framework he needs to begin to work through stuff at his own pace 🥺 (also, yes, fireworks are a big thing. they’re also big for the 14 juillet, which i... kind of forgot to address. i might go back and write a scene somewhere around ch. 5 for it and post it on here. we’ll see.)

i’m so glad you appreciated the research! 🥺🥺🥺 legit i... kind of spent a stupid amount of time on it. i really tried to make it as realistic as possible (barring, like, the whole time-zap thing, and also the whole “characters from les mis” thing) since the whole POINT is the differences between their two times, so... i’m glad it paid off. it means a lot to hear that u vibed with it.

thank you thank you! again-- And If I See You In The Daylight is the name of the bakery fic, and i also love it 🥺🥺🥺 . to everyone else... READ IT!

enjolras does not like musicals. like... yes, there was a natural progression from 20th century opera to early musicals, but enjolras missed all of that. and 21st century musicals are pretty fucking different from 1820s/30s opera. he can’t quite understand the music. the plotlines don’t make sense. the plots aren’t stupid enough for his taste. they take themselves too seriously. not enough miscommunication. orchestral parts not nice enough. cosette tries to show him a musical on youtube and enjy is like. who is that. why are they all dressed the same. what is going on. why do they not use their Pocket Fones? why does it sound like this. hellp. (she gives up and shows him a Puccini opera instead.)

anyways. THANK YOU! and to everyone else--send me asks! send me prompts! send me questions! i WILL respond to them and i treasure them all i just tend to be kind of slow! but i love to receive them! thank you!!!

[glassprism]

Hi if you’d excuse me, I’ll be in a corner fucking weeping. If they so much as THINK about touching Broadway, I will personally summon Hal Prince from the afterlife to join me in throwing hands at Cammack.

Yeah, that was... well, let’s say it was a shock to get on the computer and see that popping up all over social media.

As far as I can tell, the Broadway production seems to be safe. (Well, its Instagram, the one specific to the production itself, is currently down, but that could be for a variety of reasons.) I’m still tentatively holding out hope for some clarification, because having read Mackintosh’s statement, he seems to just... brush over the “permanently shutting down” aspect of the whole thing to talk about finances. Like, how permanent is this? Is it like the Les Mis production closing where it was replaced with a new production (as rumors have it is happening to Phantom), or is it actually shutting down for good? The whole thing seems a bit vague.

That’s not to say it isn’t true, just that I’m confused enough to think there’s something else going on and there might be a future announcement coming. But if it is true, god, what a way to send off the original production (and I don’t mean that in a good way).

[deeonisia]

Le foto della Ferragni agli Uffizi mi fanno sinceramente cagare, potevano essere fatte meglio, potevano essere più artistiche e non so perché mi danno un’impressione “amatoriale” tipo foto fatte dall’amica così poi le metti su instagram. Sicuramente non fatte da un fotografo professionista, ma infondo io di fotografia non ci capisco nulla quindi posso benissimo sbagliarmi.

Il punto è che come al solito si alza il polverone di polemica, le foto potranno anche non essere belle per qualcuno, ma c’è da ammettere che la Ferragni che piaccia o meno ha sempre influenzato moltissimo le masse. Non a caso Conte ha chiesto alla coppia più influente italiana di sensibilizzare i follower sull’uso della mascherina, ed è stata una mossa profondamente furba e intelligente considerando il potere degli influencer al giorno d’oggi. Quindi dite quello che vi pare ma sono sicura che le foto della Ferragni agli Uffizi sicuramente incrementeranno il turismo a Firenze, così come ai tempi incrementarono le visite al Vaticano quando lei postò la sua visita privata nelle storie.

E per favore smettiamola con questa storia dell’intoccabilità dell’arte e della cultura quando non vi è scopo denigratorio nei confronti di queste, solo perchè Chiara Ferragni si occupa di moda non vuol dire che non abbia il diritto di essere una ragazza intelligente e non possa mostrare l’arte sotto il suo punto di vista. L’arte non dovrebbe essere esclusiva, ma al contrario dovrebbe poter appartenere un po’ a tutti e dovrebbe poter arrivare ai cuori e ai cervelli di più persone possibili so shut the fuck up

[lesmissocials-fuckedup]

are you kidding me

They are way too proud of what they made

[cottonvanjogh]

He turned to the flames again. He felt the air that came from it blowing through his hair, and the smoke hurt his eyes.

“You know, you’re right,” he said softly. “Fuck this.”

Finished up this drawing for my collaboration with @nisushi and @sanctorums for the Les Mis 2020 Big Bang! Go read the fic here and go see part 1 and more of my art on Instagram here

[quarktrinity]

so just checked the dear evan hansen instagram, and guess what they had to say about the current events regarding the BLM movement? youd expect, like, a picture of evan’s cast with “BLACK LIVES MATTER” on it or something, what with their HUMONGOUS platform. but guess what theyve posted?

nothing. theyve posted nothing regarding that. they had their actor currently playing jared on the DEH tour do a takeover and cook something for the frontline workers today, and thats all theyve posted. the comments on their latest post are asking them to share something on the matter, but still, nothing.

and its not like this is hard? the lightning thief musicals instagram made a post regarding this, hamiltons, too (which isnt surprising considering the entire point of the musical, but still.), wickeds might have? its hard to tell, i think they were alluding to it. and every other broadway instagram account ive checked that hasnt posted anything about it just hasnt posted anything at all today, which isnt unusual, so ill give them a pass, but ill be suspicious if they dont post anything in the next few days, so ill give more updates on that later.

but actively posting some stupid cooking takeover for the ~frontline workers~ (people have been thanking the “frontline workers” for months now and i dont think anyone ever even knew who they were thanking, its very performative, but thats a separate topic.) is just gross, especially because they posted that today. as of time of writing, they posted that sixteen hours ago. in times like this, they should either support the cause or just shut up, but they did neither.

it just shows that the majority of broadway shows will always prioritize the old fucks who give them money over literally any other human being. it is quite literally in their best interest to exclusively cater to the thoughts and feelings of centrist/conservative boomers. and then you have shows like the lightning thief and hamilton, neither are perfect, but both seem to actually give a fuck about the state of things. i wonder. why that. could possibly be. (its because their staff isnt completely saturated in old white people. thats the reason.)

oh, and les mis? the show thats actually about revolution and fighting cops?

they havent posted anything either. i wonder why that is.

anyway, im so done with DEH, you guys, i dont even know why i try anymore.

[jeffwittekcuts]

Latino Bar (J.W)

Or the one where the vlogsquad go to a Latino bar and (Y/n) helps a struggling Jeff

   Jeff entered David’s house for the third  time this week , except this time they were going out to some bar rather than filming a bit for the vlog. He said hi to everyone and sat next to Todd , they chatted about hiking the next day when David chimes in and told them they were going to this new bar he had heard about , the small crew all hopped into david’s Tesla.

The car ride was everything but boring , everyone except David and Jeff had pregamed and were somewhat drunk saying the funniest shit , when the finally arrived at the bar , they all got in with no problem , when they walked in they noticed the very catchy music in spanish and that most of the artwork and decorations were in spanish.

Natalie finally spoke and said “I think we're in a latino bar” as long as there was booze the crew didn't care and decided to stay , David was currently filming a very drunk Zane dancing with some beautiful venezuelan women , he then proceeded to ask both Jeff and Todd to go buy the crew some shots. As they got to the bartender , they noticed he only spoke spanish , they were both struggling to ask for shots, when suddenly a voice interrupted them.

“Les puedes servir 7 shots de tequila a mis amigos y me puedes servir uno doble a mi porfavor?”

“Con mucho gusto preciosa” answered the bartender 

“Gracias” she said and spoke again, this time directing herself at  Jeff and Todd “I saw that you guys were struggling , but your seven shot should be right up”

They both answered with a quick “thank you” , Jeff could not stop staring at the beautiful girl he had next to him,  he was about to ask for her name , when the rest of the squad approached both him and Todd , he saw her quickly down her shot and make her way into the dancefloor. 

I made my way back to my friends , who were still busting it down on the dance floor , as I got closer to them I heard my friend yell at me “what took you so long?” I explained how I met these cute guys who needed some help ordering shots.

As the night went on, my friends and I kept dancing our asses off. After a while one of my friends turned over to me and said “Damn (yn) this papi chulo won't take his eyes off of you’”. As my eyes trailed to where my friend was looking , I saw the cute guy I helped earlier making his way to my direction.

“Hey my name is Jeff , you helped my friend and I earlier” 

“Oh that's right! Hi , I’m (yn)” 

“I was wondering would you maybe want to dance?” he said in his thick staten island accent.

“Yeah , I'd love to” she said in a sensual tone

Jeff and (Yn) were really enjoying themselves in the dance floor , although Jeff had some trouble keeping up with (yn) , he was able to catch up eventually. Their bodies suddenly became one , they were really enjoying each other's company, and David was quick to notice this. 

Wasting no time David made his way to where (yn) and Jeff were dancing , camera in one had and flashlight on the other. As he approached them he saw jeff mouthing “oh you mothafucker”, by now the camera and flashlight had caught (yn)s attention too , when the guy behind the camera spoke up

“Hi , Im david , would you be willing to kiss Jeff for a small bit in my vlog?”

“What the fuck are you doing man?”answered a slightly annoyed Jeff

“Sure , why not?”answered a very unbothered (yn)

“You would?”both david and Jeff asked very surprised 

(yn) turned to jeff , grabbed him by his cheeks and kissed him , he grabbed her by the waist and deepened the kiss , the kiss was slowly heating up until they heard david’s voice

“Jeez, I said a kiss not a full make out session”

They both pulled away and  giggled at David’s comment and proceed to kiss again. The night went on , eventually (yn) had to leave and so did Jeff , like a gentleman he walked (yn) to her friend's car , they both had such a great time they forgot to exchange numbers, if it were a different time Jeff would have been very bummed out , but he decided to look her up on instagram.

Many wrong profiles later he finally found her , before he started lurking around her pictures , he decided he'd dm her , after struggling on what to actually write he finally went for  “Hey it’s Jeff , I had a really good time last night , I would love to take you on a date sometime”.  Jeff  decided to get some sleep since him and Todd were gonna go for a hike early in the morning. That night Jeff fell asleep thinking about (yn) , and on the other side of town (yn) was fast asleep dreaming about the handsome Jeff. 

The next morning , a half asleep (yn) checked her phone when a specific message caught her eye. “I would love to go out with you” , (yn) bit her lip as she pressed send , she really liked Jeff and was excited to see where this would go.

Following their usual route up the mountain Jeff felt a buzz coming from his phone , he smiled at (yn)’s reply , he was about to answer when Todd turned to him and said 

“Is it the girl from last night?”

“What?” a very startled Jeff answered

“I figured that’s the reason why you're smiling at your phone like a fool”

“What girl?”asked Cody who last minute decided to tag along

“You see Cody, last night Jeff scored a very fine latina” answered Todd “whats her name?”

“Her name is (yn)” answered Jeff “and yeah its a message from her”

“So you like this girl or what?”asked Cody 

“Oh I think he more than likes her , you should've seen them dancing last night “said Todd “they were all over each other” he added 

“Yeah I like her , maybe more than like her , and we are going out tonight,”said a very happy Jeff 

“I'm glad to see you this happy man” said Cody as he threw his arm over Jeff’s shoulder “now let me see this little lady”

Jeff took his phone out and showed them (yn)’s picture as they talked about how beautiful she was for the rest of the hike.

[kinnsporsche]

modern au but for les mis specifically (sorry for being a dumb bitch)

its okay we all have dumb bitch disease

1) enjolras swears like a fucking sailor. so much so that les amis ends up starting a swear jar that they use for supplies and protests and bail money 

2) grantaire and jehan’s apartment is home to so many stray animals. it starts off with just the one black cat that they leave food out for, and they notice it huddling against their window when it’s storming one day so they let it inside and it just.............ends up staying. three other cats show up at some point during the week, one of them gives birth to a bunch of kittens that they take care of until they’re old enough to face the streets alone. a couple of stray dogs show up at one point, they even got a curious little fox peaking in through the window one day. they get semi-internet famous from it when they start a snapchat and instagram to document it all 

3) grantaire, bahorel, and combeferre are all covered in tattoos. ferre has full sleeves and whenever he rolls the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows courf forgets how to breathe for a second

4) grantaire somehow knows everybody and nobody can figure out how but he just..............does? they need resources for a protest? grantaire knows a guy! they need a hall to set up a charity drive? grantaire knows the owner of the community center.

5) eponine and cosette are in love and super gay. thats it. thats the headcanon.

send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it

[mbcorvo-author]

Corvo’s Writober - Day 3 & 4

Since yesterday I didn’t have time to write anything for Writober (not that I must write everyday, but right now I want to try just to see if I can write more than the five days of last year’s writober lol) today I tried to write some more, mixing some of yesterday’s and today’s prompts.

This is another piece that will need some fixing and rewriting, maybe a bit silly after the previous two scenes I shared, but even this will go into my wip “In the Pits of Hell”.

The prompts used are:

3 - Mundane & 4 - Summon from October 2019 prompt list by @downwithwritersblock

Day 2 -  “Just follow me, I know the area” & Day 4 - “I know you didn’t ask for this.” from Fictober 2019 prompt list by @fictober-event

___

Title: Not an actual temple

“Do you know that I’m not here in the mundane realm to do some tourism?” remarked the man, running a hand through his grey hair “but because I was entrusted with the task of-” “Yeah, yeah, okay” the interruption came from what looked like a young man around twenty-five or twenty-seven years old, with raven black hair and many tattoos of various shapes that marked his skin crawling out of his t-shirt with a death metal band print on it. “Just...follow me, I know the area.” added, turning his head to the older man and giving him a wide smile that showed off his unnatural pointed teeth. The Devil’s Advocate huffed, mumbling to himself something intelligible – probably something about how much he loathed getting appointed to locate and get a hold of one of the devils that were living hiding between the humans on Earth – and followed the other along the street of the human city in which they were.

“Would you at least mind telling me where we are going to?” asked the severe advocate, interrupting that silence that had formed between them when the other simply started to walk and tinker with a battered smartphone. The devil with younger appearances put away his phone inside one of the pockets of his black leather pants and returned to look towards the older “I know you didn’t ask for it, but I thought that we could talk in a place a bit more… let’s say appropriate.” another smile appeared on his face when on the visage of the stoic Advocate a hint of puzzlement showed up. Non that it was visible, but he knew the Devil’s Advocate for long enough to have learnt to read even the minimal shifts of his severe and austere expression. “You know, right, which city is this and its fame?” added.

“Sure: we are in Salem, the one made famous in history for its witch-hunting past.” answered the devil “Did you choose this place because you thought that it could be, how you say, ironic-” “Ironic the idea of two infernal creature like us met in a place where, in the past, hundreds of people were killed because others suspected that they were allied with the rest of us?” the younger interrupted again, amused by the unnerved expression of the other “Yes and no.” “And then for what other reason?” “It shows that it’s been a while since you hung out on Earth, but still I thought that you would’ve come back from time to time to wander between your fellow humans.” “Watch what you are saying” hissed the Advocate, trying to not lose his usual aplomb, pointing his left index finger in warning towards the younger looking devil “You know very well that I’m a devil just like you.” remarked.

A sly smile grew on the younger’s face, points of the forked tongue slipping out for a little bit between the pointed teeth, trying to not burst out laughing in front of the other devil. “Oh, my old friend!” chuckled “You haven’t changed at all! And I’m still able to make you lose your temper, I was afraid to be out of practice!” continued, trying to suffocate another laugh and turning into another street.

The devil huffed and rolled his eyes, but returned to his usual severe composure following in silence the younger that after few moments started again to speak. “Here in Salem, there is an interesting place called ��The Temple of Satan”. It’s not the real one, and they are some edgys that want to be some kind of rebels from the traditional religions or something like that. Not that kind of Satanists that do sacrifices and that try to summon some of us… fuck, it’s been a while since the last time I popped out from some summoning circle scaring the shit out of some dickheads!” “So, you thought that it could be fun to talk while in this “Temple of Satan” because of our nature?” asked the advocate, trying to put the conversation back on its tracks. “Yeah...and because I wanted to take a selfie with their Baphomet statue to post it on Instagram” replied the youngster. “So, everything for the irony of the place and for taking a picture to put on I-don’t-know-what of the humans?” “A selfie on Instagram.” corrected the devil shaking the smartphone that was again in his hands, probably to answer a message. “It’s a social used by the humans usually to share photos and videos. Sytry talked me about it, they’re an influencer on there or almost.” the smartphone was put back into the leather trousers’ pocket “Anyways it’s weird that someone like me, well way older than you, is the one that is more in step with the times!” his attention then was moved to look around the street, searching for the building they were trying to reach, left hand scratching his head in confusion. “Mh. If you are so up to date, you should already know that the Temple is an art gallery and not an actual temple...right?” said the Devil’s Advocate, with a slightly amused smile on his otherways stoic face. “Oh.”

Italian under the cut!

Dato che ieri non ho avuto tempo per scrivere alcunché per Writober (non che io abbia l’obbligo di scrivere ogni giorno, ma al momento voglio provare solo per vedere se sono in grado di scrivere più dei cinque giorni del writober dello scorso anno lol) oggi ho provato a scrivere un po’ di più, mescolando alcuni spunti di ieri e di oggi.

Questo è un altro pezzo che necessiterà di essere sistemato e riscritto, forse un po’ più sciocco rispetto alle precedenti due scene che ho condiviso, ma anche questo andrà a finire nel mio work in progress “Nelle Profondità dell’Inferno”.

Gli spunti usati sono:

3 - Mondano & 4 - Evocare from October 2019 prompt list by @downwithwritersblock​

Day 2 -  “Solo seguimi, conosco la zona” & Day 4 - “Lo so che non avevi chiesto questo” from Fictober 2019 prompt list by @fictober-event​

__

Titolo: Non un vero tempio

“Lo sai che non mi trovo nella dimensione mondana per fare il turista” rimarcò l’uomo passandosi una mano tra i capelli grigi “ma perché mi è stato affidato il compito di-” “Sì, sì, okay” lo interruppe quello che appariva come un giovane sui venticinque o ventisette anni, dai capelli corvini e sulla pelle svariati tatuaggi che sbucavano e serpeggiavano da sotto la sua maglietta recante la stampa di una band deathmetal, rappresentanti i soggetti più disparati. “Solo...seguimi, conosco la zona.” aggiunse, volgendo il capo verso l’uomo più anziato e rivolgendogli un sorriso che metteva in mostra la sua dentatura innaturalmente acuminata. L’avvocato del Diavolo sbuffò, borbottò qualcosa d’incomprensibile tra sé – probabilmente qualcosa legato a quanto detestasse quando lo incaricavano di rintracciare qualcuno diavoli mescolatisi tra gli umani sulla Terra – e seguì l’altro lungo una delle strade della città umana in cui si trovavano.

“Potresti almeno degnarti di dirmi dove ci stiamo dirigendo?” domandò il severo avvocato, interrompendo quel silenzio che si era andato a formare tra loro quando l’altro si era semplicemente messo a camminare e armeggiare con uno smartphone dall’aria un po’ malconcia. Il diavolo dalle apparenze più giovanili ripose il cellulare nella tasca dei pantaloni di pelle nera che indossava e tornò a voltare il capo verso l’anziano “So che non l’avevi richiesto, ma ho pensato che si potrebbe parlare in un posto un po’ più… adeguato, diciamo.” altro sorriso gli apparve sul viso quando sul volto impassibile dell’Avvocato una nota di perplessità si fece notare. Non che fosse evidente, ma ormai conosceva l’Avvocato del Diavolo da ormai abbastanza tempo da riuscire a cogliere i minimi cambiamenti nella seria e severa espressione altrui. “Sai, no, che città è questa e la sua fama?” aggiunse.

“Certo: ci troviamo a Salem, quella resa famosa nella storia per gli episodi di caccia alle streghe.” rispose il diavolo “Hai scelto questa città come luogo d’incontro perché trovavi, come dire, ironic-” “Ironica l’idea che due creature infernali come noi si incontrassero in un luogo dove, in passato, centinaia di persone furono uccise perché si sospettavano in combutta con noialtri?” lo interruppe nuovamente il giovane, divertito dall’espressione irritata altrui “Sì e no.” “E allora per quale altro motivo?” “Si vede che è un po’ che non bazzichi più sulla Terra, eppure pensavo che saresti tornato almeno ogni tanto a gironzolare tra i tuoi simili” “Bada a come parli” sibilò l’Avvocato, cercando di non perdere il suo usuale aplomb, andando a puntare l’indice mancino verso l’altro in una sorta di gesto ammonitore “Sai bene che sono un diavolo tanto quanto te.” rimarcò.

Un sorriso sornione si fece strada sul volto del giovane, lingua biforcuta che per qualche momento spuntò tra i denti acuminati, cercando di non mettersi a ridere di fronte all’altro. “Oh, vecchio mio!” sghignazzò “Proprio non sei cambiato di una virgola! E sono ancora in grado di farti perdere le staffe, temevo di non essere più allenato!” proseguì, trattenendo un’altra risatina e imboccando una nuova via.

Il diavolo sbuffò e roteò gli occhi al cielo, ma tornò alla sua usuale severa compostezza seguendo in silenzio il giovane che poco dopo riprese a parlare. “Qui a Salem c’è una struttura interessante chiamata “Il Tempio di Satana”. Non è quello vero, loro sono più degli edgy che vogliono fare i ribelli rispetto alle religioni convenzionali o qualcosa del genere. Non quel tipo di satanisti che fanno sacrifici e che cercano di evocare qualcuno di noi… cazzo, è un po’ che non sbuco da un qualche rituale di evocazione terrorizzando dei coglioni!” “Quindi, hai pensato che fosse divertente il parlare in questo “Tempio di Satana” data la nostra natura?” domandò l’avvocato, cercando di tornare sul punto della questione. “Sì… e anche perché volevo farmi un selfie con la loro statua di Baphomet per postarla su Instagram” affermò il giovane. “Quindi tutto questo per l’ironia del luogo e per farti una foto da mettere su non so che cosa degli umani?” “Un selfie su Instagram” precisò il diavolo agitando il telefono che di nuovo teneva in mano rispondendo probabilmente a un messaggio “È un social usato dagli umani dove di solito postano foto e video. Me ne ha parlato Sytry, ormai è un influencer o quasi.” smartphone che quindi venne posto di nuovo all’interno della tasca dei pantaloni di pelle “Comunque è assurdo che uno come me, di gran lunga più vecchio di te, sia quello più al passo con i tempi!” lo sguardo poi si spostò a scrutare i dintorni della via, alla ricerca dell’edificio verso cui erano diretti, mano mancina che va a grattare distrattamente il capo corvino. “Mh. Se sei così al passo coi tempi, saprai che il Tempio è una galleria d’arte e non un vero e proprio tempio...vero?” disse l’Avvocato del Diavolo, con un lieve accenno di sorriso divertito sul suo volto altrimenti severo. “Oh”.