#lets face ir he has adhd

[flufallo]

Edwin loves his personal space

And Charles also loves Edwins personal space

[astranite]

Edges of the Universe: Part 2

Scott and John :)

Part 1 // Ao3

The tags in summary: Hurt/Comfort, this is what it is fundamentally but we do dive into the angst and the fluff, Autistic John Tracy, Scott Tracy has ADHD, Scott Tracy Has PTSD, Autistic meltdowns, References to Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Chronic Illness, that's how i'm treating John's space issues, this is all written from a disability and neurodiversity lens and lot of my own experience, there's alot going on but there's also alot of love here, and acceptance, its about hope its always about hope ultimately, things are hard and they wont just fix themselves but it does get better, we just have to keep hanging on. all of us you and me together, its not a straight line there are alot of up and downs and emotions in this fic, as in life and everything because thats whats its like but its not impossible

@idontknowreallywhy thank you for all.

---

“You alright?” Scott asked, “And I’ve brought takeaway if you’re feeling up to it.” 

“‘S only a headache,” John mumbled.

Scott’s hand gripped his shoulder more firmly. “Seems like some headache, Johnny.”

“Don’t.” 

John couldn't handle even the gentle ribbing right now. Or Scott needling him about what the hell was wrong with him to make him admit to it, which was pretty hypocritical coming from Commander ‘I’m actively bleeding out but I’m Fine.’

John sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. That wasn't fair on Scott. He was getting better at letting them in when it was needed. All the smothering came from a good place of looking out for little brothers prone to getting themselves into trouble, and John also had a history of being less than honest about exactly how ‘Fine’ he was.

He pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard of the bed as the blurry dark crowded in at the corners of his vision at the rush of his blood pressure dropping. Because he, Thunderbird Five, head of communications for IR and an astronaut breaking records for space hours and expertise, had really pushed himself today. Went totally wild with it. He had, he checked his mental notes, landed on Tracy Island yesterday evening, sat in the passenger seat of Tracy One as Scott did all the flying to get here and immediately clocked out as soon as they got to the hotel. Then attempted to attend a meeting today. Wild, he bit out in sharp, sarcastic thoughts. Maybe that ignored the busy week he’d already pushed through. Even if he usually had to rest the day after the rough descent down from orbit because that was what his body needed and that was meant to be okay.

John reached over to flick on one of the bedside lamps to make it easier on Scott. He squinted in the brightness but it was better than the main light. In the background was the rustle of biodegradable bags and the distinctive snap of takeaway containers being opened: Chinese, from the place he and Scott had really liked the last time they were here, predictable so he wouldn't have to deal with trying something new.

Objectively, the food smelled good but John’s stomach turned. He spent several amusing minutes poking at his noodles, trying to figure out whether it was merely his usual space issues or he was coming down with something.

Scott bumped his shoulder ever so gently. “I got the not too spicy ones for you in case you weren’t feeling so good.”

“Thanks, Scott.” John’s voice came tiny and squeezed out. 

He picked up a mouthful and they were okay, it was him that was at the point of so hungry he was nauseous, and Scott had realised that he hadn't had lunch or dinner and made sure to bring back food John would like. Because he was thoughtful and he cared, and John had the best big brother so why did that make him want to cry?

They ate in silence. Companionable silence. It was kinda nice actually, just sharing space with Scott.

John did not cry all over his brother and his noodles. He would’ve gotten his tablet to read on and distract himself except he’d need his glasses which were in his bag, though he could turn up the font size, except the headache made staring into a bright screen currently unpalatable, so the entire point was moot.

He tipped his head back, resting it on the wall, then turned to Scott.

Scott had scoffed his entire meal far too quickly, shovelling noodles into his mouth with his set of chopsticks, whilst scrolling on his phone. Hair falling out of its careful gelling, top buttons of his blue business shirt undone, meeting out of the way and laughing at something inane, he seemed far more relaxed than this morning. Share space with Scott was nice because he too rarely got to.

John looked away. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping an arm around them, rocking slightly before it made him too dizzy. He stared off around the room, mostly to keep himself from giving in to the urge to worry at the numb, hollow wound in his thoughts. To map out its shape and form, going over it like the hole left by a pulled tooth. To not drag himself into a John classic overthinking spiral, and attempt to ground himself or whatever. 

The room. Too much beige. Carpet, curtains, walls, really what were they thinking? 

John liked colour. He’d chosen the stripes running throughout Thunderbirds Five and his bright orange baldric with the matching narrower lines through his uniform on purpose. They broke up the monotony of whites and greys space stations were far too prone to and he soaked it up, everything from the stickers and few books in his little room to the colour coded holotabs that displayed each of his siblings’ vitals. Bright and vivid, they reminded him of alive, alive, alive. 

Here, even the abstract painting was nearly monochrome. Virgil would have a lot to say but John could only muster a vague disgust towards it. Or maybe it was mostly his mood turning to harshly critical.The place was nice enough, clean and neat, nearest to TI. They didn't need fancy. 

Hints of the darkened evening view shone through the gaps between the curtains in the form of city lights. John had watched the sunset in hours previous briefly paint the dimness of the room through slitted eyelids. 

There had been the colour he wanted, but he’d ignored it instead of opening the curtains up to the light like he usually would in lieu of visible stars. He had stared at the wall, drifting in his thoughts amongst the achy pain and exhaustion instead of choosing to do literally anything else.

And here he was overthinking, doing exactly what he wasn't supposed to be doing. Fantastic job, John.

Doors to the hallway and bathroom, both shut, John listed. Lamp on Scott’s bedside table, dark grey, not black, switched off.

The blue blanket Scott brought everywhere lay as a bright splash on top of the covers of Scott’s bed, a familiar sight no matter where they were.

They didn't have to share a room, with the large beds on each side where John took the one nearest the window under claim it would be better for the stargazing he wouldn't do because of the light pollution but would make Scott edgy from feeling too exposed and too far from the exits. His brother’s face had crumpled in relief before he’d gleefully bounced on his bed like he was totally still five, as John laughed with him. 

With their money they could easily afford two, could get the frankly a waste of money whole penthouse suite of rooms, but they didn't need to. And it was nice to be close.

He and Scott hadn't regularly shared a room since before Alan had been born, and John was fully aware that as adults it would drive them both mad within a week, but on the occasional business trip or even rarer holiday, it was nice. Waking up disorientated and jet lagged in the middle of last night, he’d fallen back to sleep to big brother’s calm, even breathing. Plus Scott could look over and reassure himself at least John was here and okay, as substitute for checking in on all his little brothers before he turned in.

…it had actually been a bit after Alan had been born that the rooms had been shuffled. When it had been Mum and Dad and baby Allie he had to sneak past to go stargaze outside for a few months until Alan was big enough and got the cot, sharing a room with Gordon. Then it was him and Virgil so Scott as the eldest, encouraged by Dad, could have his own room. 

Virgil was a lot quieter and less prone to dragging him into crazy schemes, and John had loved sharing a room with him, of course he did, but something had still ached as he helped take Scott’s aeroplane posters down from between his glow in the dark stars to put them up on bare blue walls that smelt of new paint. Virgil had never woken up when John went to stargaze, no matter what he tripped over or how much he swore, so he never came with him on those forbidden midnight trips either. Scott had. 

But after Mum, because John was evidently all for following miserable trains of thought tonight, Scott technically had still shared a room with them. Just when no one, especially Dad, would notice. John had woken up to the door opening after everyone else was asleep each night to Scott tiptoeing in to curl up on the floor between his and Virgil’s beds, wrapped in the blue baby blanket that had been Allie’s until it was put away but had originally been knitted by Mum for Scott.

John had always shuffled over to make room for Scott beside him. Scott shouldn’t be alone, he wasn't meant to be alone but everyone had known that evidently except for Dad. He’d always woken up at dawn when Scott left too…

Scott’s hand back on his shoulder startled him, and between the flinch he barely processed the worried, “Earth to John?” 

A wave of dizziness hit and John buried his head in his knees. 

“Sorry,” John mumbled.

“No apologies needed.”

Scott gently took the container of noodles out of his hand which he was holding and had kinda forgotten about, even as the pointed edges dug into his palm. John’d only managed half of his before he had to put it aside. Maybe later, if he got over the nausea. 

Scott held out an arm, giving John the option of being pulled into a hug. He swallowed and shuffled closer, then leant against Scott. 

[outsidersheadcanons]

headcanons about how each of the boys would handle their gf who has adhd like stimming ir anything?

I got bad adhd I NEED TO BE COMFORTED😭❤️

Darry

I think at first he'd be very perplexed "why are you doing that 🤔" to stimming but once she explains it he would be okay w/ it (esp if it made her more comfortable. He might even buy her a rock or smth if she stimmed with her fingers).

Soda

Let's face it this guy stims too 💀 he did it so much with the buttons on one of his work shirts they all came out (and Darry was PISSED). He's also obsessed. with toothpicks. Soda could have ADHD I think. So having a gf w/ it too (or even better, a gf with similar challenges to him) would make him feel so not alone man :(

Ponyboy

Pony's also a sensory seeker. He spun around in circles as a kid (same bro same) and stuff like that. Bro is also forgetful as hell. so if she had problems with that he'd never make her feel bad for it (if he didn't have darry man. He'd probably go to school in pajamas).

Johnny

Johnny would notice her stimming, but he wouldn't say anything about it. He has some nervous tics and he hates when people point them out, but he'd def try his best to help her out however he can (even if it's something as small as. just listening to what's on her mind).

Dally

If he saw his gf stimming he would immediately start hating 💀 but once he starts realizing he's being a jerk he stops. Dally has no clue what ADHD is but he'll probably find out. If she got overstimulated or smth while they were at a party he'd just. sit outside with her for a while and go back only if/when she was ready to.

Two-bit

If she liked to yap. Two-bit would HAPPILY yap with her for hours. It doesn't matter who's doing most of the talking, he loves listening just as much as yapping (esp with his gfs). If she had a special interest or smth he'd gladly become an expert. He just wants to know everything abt her.

Steve

If she had problems with schoolwork, he would sit with her behind the DX and help her when it got slow. He's pretty smart when it comes to math and science (honestly. he could get all As if he actually tried at school) and he'd be so happy. to explain it all to her. He'd also just. sit with her in silence if she got too overwhelmed. Maybe if he really liked her he'd play w/ her hair and let her lean against him.

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

wip wednesday<3

damn the weeks are going fast.

finally ran out of other writing wips, so heres two chunks of the Conficcare getting the shit beaten outta him fic<3 ft him using his stand to make a guy punch themselves in the face.

warnings for: bad medical/latin joke, mild violence, swearing, description of celia kicking the shit out of someone in the past, and adhd run on sentences. [btw muro is celias other name/alterego]

-

“The fuck you smiling at?” He has to try so hard to avoid rolling his eyes, the words echoing through his memories, though most of those memories consisted of harder and tougher wankers than this shite for brains in front of him.

Gravel bites at his back, piercing thin fabric, embedding itself and scraping as he's shoved against the alley wall. 

Unfortunately, these fuckheads were evidently too damn dim to realize the danger that lay in store. After all, you need something between your ears to process sound, and he’s diagnosing these thugs with a severe case of ‘vacuus cranius’- and he will be ever so gracious and give them free treatment.

Dry lips mouthed the magic words, “Boxing Clever,” as his face returned to grinning, teeth flashing, the corners of his mouth stretched unnaturally wide.

-

How the times change. Just a few years ago, it was swaggering wankers like these that would suffer a good bashing from C- Muros boots. Ribs cracking and skin turning purple under his relentless assaults, no time to fight back when he gets them to the ground and prone so quickly, nothing they can do except curl up and try and protect their heads- a futile move, just drawing his ire and boot towards whatever they tried to cover. 

Those were the days, when he hid behind he- him, behind them, when he was the weedy voice that told them of whispered rebellion, of under the breath insults. 

But now, now he could stand on his own, as his own man, not just a suck up and voice in the ear. Now- now he was able to defend himself. His cool fingers grip eerily cold metal even tighter.

His muscles contract and loosen, the cold metal in his hand arching into the neck of the leader- and more muscles contract, blue energy taking over from electrical- changing it- the satisfying thud of well worn knuckles connecting with cartilage, the confused cry of someone who just punched themselves in the face, and the dripping of blood escaping from damaged nasal tissue.

He's out of practice, giving himself a split second to admire his handiwork, a split second in which pain blooms in his abdomen as the other fist finds its way to his gut, his back further shoved against the wall. He knows he's gonna have killer scrapes all over, and his top will be barely fit for rags.

Stupid mistake on his part, someone swaggering around on these streets isn't gonna be incapacitated by just a broken nose, he of all people should know- and he of all people should know not to let his thoughts run as hes getting beaten on but well he's never been good at taking anyone's advice let alone his own, cant trust that shifty asshole- ow.

[myshredda]

I've been thinking about rocks lately.

Imagine Pink realises Duck has a fixation with rocks and and asks about it and Duck gets. Feral, to say the least. He goes into info-dumping mode and shows of his entire collection (I definitely feel he collects those) and will not be stopped until he's done.

Idk I just thought "Rocks, Pink *gasp* rock(duck)+Pink= infodump" I'm just projecting my silly little ADHD onto him

-💛🫀

Oh real! Pink notices a lot of little things I think, if only as a way to stay out of the ire of Shrignold or the rest of the cult. Hypervigilance can be a result of abuse, and she'd probably subconsciously watch the way people act and the things they talk about.

On a happier note, this would result in her getting to know little things about the clump fairly quickly, so she'd immediately clock that rocks are important to the family. Duck's rock collection, the rock he gave Yellow for his birthday, the round pebble that Green keeps in his pocket at all times, she'd notice the pattern and realize it's something important to Duck. And, because she's forward and blunt (like Duck) she'd ask straight up to see his collection.

Duck would go WILD over the request for sure! He'd be all "at least SOMBODY in this house REALIZESES the IMPORTANCE of these SPECIMINES OF GEOLOGICAL INTEREST" and show her all his big ones, and his colorful ones, and the ones that have little bits of crystal in them, and even his most special one (that looks like this)

and he ignores Green's RUDE IMPUT that sea glass isn't technically a rock, because of course Yellow and Green have invited themselves along (Red is banned because one time he told Duck his 3rd favorite rock looked like a an infected bollock, which resulted in the biggest fight of their relationship thus far, even worse than the 'you abandoned us and I got cannibalized' one)

Pink just soaks it all in, nodding in the right places, staying long after Green and Yellow get bored and wander off, gently running her fingers along the crystalized bits of crag when Duck gently palms her his 10th favorite, oohing and aahing at appropriate times. They get through his whole collection over the course of an afternoon, and she's the first person that's stuck around long enough to listen to his entire info dump, and he's truly touched by her interest, so, on the way out the upstairs room that he keeps the rocks in, he slips his hand into hers and holds it on the way down the stairs, and when he lets go, she pulls her closed fist up to her face and opens it to find this

[bohba13-writing-den]

An IR shipper on why I don't ship IH

*disclaimer I am by no means hating on those who ship it. You do you.

(for the sake of those who don't want to read it rant under the line break)

So, let me open something first. I don't hate Orihime. I hate how Kubo treated her, and how as the story went on and on she became fan service bait while also slowly having her agency as a character stripped away. But that's a conversation for a different day.

Today we're focusing on why I don't like the ship, and why I don't think it would work out the best for either party, and I'll open with Orihime.

Orihime is, like most of the human characters in the series, a kid. A kid who had been abused by her parents, emancipated from her parents by her brother, and has only received financial support from her extended family since Sora's death. This isn't any fault of her own, but that combined with a potentially undiagnosed case of ADHD, and she has a series of emotional needs that need to be met by someone. Specifically she needs a deeply empathetic person who can read her emotions and affirm her to counteract her abysmal self esteem.

Ichigo isn't that. (Granted most guys aren't that). Ichigo has the emotional intelligence of a brick thrown through a wall. Not only that, but we never see any evidence of build up of interest in her on his part. (I'll blame Kubo and SJ for that.)

Then there's the fact that Orihime didn't fall in love with Ichigo as we the readers know him, but an idealized version of him. A version that was clearly proven false when Zangetsu took the wheel against Ulquiorra. And before you say that isn't Ichigo, remember 'The Blade is Me.' That very much is Ichigo.

Now, there's also another batch of issues for Ichigo himself. He isn't the happiest bean either, and has his own emotional needs as well. Needs Orihime fails to meet.

Ichigo clearly suffers from some form of clinical depression, most likely stemming from trauma due to his mother's death and the resulting survivor's guilt. So he needs someone to help him through that trauma, and Orihime has outright stated she has no idea how to do that. When faced with him in a slump during the fullbring arc, she can't assert herself enough to snap him out of it. (A consequence of her own issues)

So Ichigo needs someone able to snap him out of that and help him refocus on the task ahead. And Orihime can be that.

So. Who meets Ichigo's needs, and who meets Orihime's needs?

Imo, Rukia and Uryu respectively. Hence why I ship what I ship.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk, and remember. You clicked the read more.

[littleeyesofpallas]

Okay… I was kind of content to be lazy and not go into a whole thing about all this. but i keep seeing more and more reviews and reactions and such of Everything Everywhere All At Once, and so far not a one has touched on the film having distinctly Buddhist philosophies and symbolism at its roots. So I guess I'm just going to have to do this...

To start, with only lite spoilers and rearranging of film events to fit their chronological in-world order, let me first give a run down of the film's basic shtick…

Evelynn Wang is a middle aged first generation Chinese American immigrant running a laundromat with her husband, a mousey but extremely big hearted and quirky man named Waymond. When they were young, and fell in love while living in China, Waymond convinced her to move to America with him and out of disapproval of Waymond and the move in general, Evelynn's father(unnamed) disowned her. That same father, now in poor health and apprently with no other family or support left in China, has recently flown to America from China to live out the rest of his life with the daughter he disowned and the husband he disapproved of.

So, as Evelynn gets ready for both a Chinese New Years party, and a dire appointment with an IRS auditor, her (not exactly clear on age? 20s?) college dropout daughter, Joy, is also discussing introducing her girlfriend, Becky, to her grandfather —something Evelynn does not really approve of. Also, although she is not yet aware of it, her husband, Waymond, is also attempting(and thus far failing) to approach her about the subject of divorce; not to actually divorce her, but to use the possibility of a divorce to force a frank conversation about the state of their marriage, and what Waymond sees as Evelynn's long standing and growing dissatisfaction with their life together.

(Oh, and although it was technically clipped from the final script as a concrete detail, all indications from how they are characterized inicate that Evelynn and Joy struggle with undiagnosed ADHD.)

With that as the set up for the story, this overwhelming stress in her life aligns with(or perhaps in a sort of cosmic destiny sense, triggers…) her awakening to the existence of infinite parallel universes. And she is faced with the choice to either continue her mundane life as planned, or accept this call to adventure as the savior of multiple realities.

The the threat to all existence that she is the many worlds' savior from is a kind of ascendent form of her own daughter, Joy, who in another reality was pushed to excel at reality hopping by her mother to the point where she was overwhelmed by the pressure to succeed and by the infinite possibilities of the multiverse. To escape the anxiety of an all seeing existance, this villainous Joy, dubbed Jobu Tupaki, has created a kind of blackhole as a nexus of multiple realities all collapsing onto themselves.

And, finally, to avert this world ending crisis, Evelynn must learn to channel into herself, the knowledge, experience, and skills of her many other selves. She does this at first to match and challenge Jobu Tupaki, and later to understand and potentially negotiate with her.

So what does this have to do with Buddhism?

The mytho-historical origins of Buddhism are in the life and teachings of Siddhartha Gautama, generally presented as a story of a young man living an inordinately sheltered and privileged life who has an encounter with the old, the sickly, the dead, and then an ascetic.(someone in the, often but not exclusively spiritual act of self-denial; living while refusing luxury in an act of self-discipline.) These experiences are referred to as The Four Sights.

This isn't in and of itself particularly important in the context of the film, but the first 3 sights make Siddhartha for the first time aware of the difficulties of being alive; to lose youth, to lose health, and to lose life. And he becomes aware that all living things share in these experiences, and subsequently that the individual and ego driven experience is not unique. But the 4th sight, of the man in self-denial makes him aware that people can live without attachment to those things in the first place. And this begins his spiritual journey in search of Nirvana thru, among other things, meditation. And via said mediation he becomes Bodhi:"Awakened." (from which the epithet Buddha:"Awakened One" is derived.)

Okay... so without letting this spiral too out of control... What is Nirvana? Apart from an iconic Gen X rock band fronted by Kurt Cobain?

Nirvana is the state of being of having escaped from those worldly sufferings. In some, perhaps more supernatural, perspectives it can be interpreted as literal immortality, but more practically it means freedom, not from the experience of aging, but the fear of aging; If you don't value something like vanity, you don't fear its loss, and if you don't fear losing it, your life is not governed by navigating around that potential loss.

It also involves an escape from the endless cycle of death and rebirth implicit to Buddhism as a religion rooted in its preceding Hindu theology. (This same root in Hinduism is where the idea of karma comes from: the idea that what you do in one life incurs consequences in the next life, for good and for ill.) And part of the Buddha's role as an all-seeing and all-knowing figure is that he can also see his other(past) lives. This escape and the prerequisite ability to see and to understand and to empathize with all living things through your own awakening to your infinite experiences in many lives, and the universal suffering that comes with living and aging and dying, is the goal of Buddhist teaching and study; To understand your place in a much MUCH bigger picture and find peace in a life free of the push and pull of expectation and external societal pressures. That's Nirvana.

Now... In relation to Nirvana is the concept of Anatta: "The Non-self." The concept that there is no such thing as a "true self" or a "false self" and that individual identity is mutable; nothing exists in a singular finite state, least of all people. (This btw is a point of conflict for a lot of would be Buddhist scholars in the west, where it conflicts heavily with the insistence on trying to preserve or otherwise find in Buddhist philosophy some trace of the Christian "immortal soul.") And adjacent to this, the concept of Sunyata: "Emptyness"/"Nothingness."

And Sunyata is where the black circle symbolism comes from. Sunyata is literally composed of the sanskrit word for "empty/vacant/void/nothing/hollow/zero" etc… and the suffix indicating a state of being, often translated as "-like" or "as (if) __" or "-ism." In fact, the circle itself actually old enough that it shares its origins with the arabic numeral zero; It is one of the oldest and most basic human concepts of visualizing "nothing."

And it is of course the reference at the core of the Everything Bagel in Everything Everywhere All At Once. (that's right, I'm actually still talking about the movie!)

So, this is where the film actually starts its Buddhism crash course, more or less… Evelynn is caught in the endless wheel of life and suffering, or as she summarizes it, "Laundry and taxes and laundry and taxes…" And this life is disrupted by the appearance of the Sunyata, the menacing black circle Deirdre draws on one of the disputed receipts, which threatens to end everything. And indeed "Everything" is embodied in the daunting pile of receipts, in the many events taking place on this one single day, by the unspoken ADHD sensory overload, and by the existence of the multiverse itself.

Like the Buddha, Evelynn becomes aware of her other lives. But while the Buddha's understanding of the cycle of reincarnation is about past lives and their sequence, Evelynn's induction into the multiverse is the understanding of parallel lives and of alternate potentiala. This in turn manifests as what is called FOMO*(Fear Of Missing Out) a kind of jealousy and envy and anxiety that comes from feeling like you've missed your opportunities, most often triggered by seeing other people fulfilling the potentials you haven't.

*Stick a pin in this, because we'll come back to it...

So, Evelynn's path to enlightenment starts with her experiencing her other lives, but what helps move her forward is not some critical accumulation of her own experiences, it's when she realizes that the life she wants to experience, to see and understand, is her daughter's: the villain, Jobu Tupaki's experience. And she endeavors to find in that empathy some kind of peaceful resolution.

And in Buddhist art this state of heightened awareness is illustrated as the opening of the 3rd eye: The Eye of Consciousness. And the cultivation of this third eye is a core tenet of Zen Buddhism in particular; a sect of Buddhism that emphasizes self reflection thru meditation, and the contemplation and application of the Sunyata.

(There's actually a whole tangent I'm cutting here about the bodhisattva, Guanyin/Avalokiteśvara: An Indian god turned Chinese goddess, characterized as one who sees everything, who displays infinite mercy, and who has 108 different forms(including, according to the tibetan sect that revere him, the dalai lama). I think there's a definite through line here, from the Buddhist figure to Waymond to Evelynn, but it's a but much and honestly not as concrete as the rest of the symbolism at play, so I'm just tabling it...)

And it's a little less overt but the scene with the rocks over the canyon in the movie also directly evokes a meditative exercise of imagining yourself as a stone. You are stable and immobile and of sufficient size, functionally immovable; you exist in nature, as a part of nature, and in opposition to nature. You can be navigated around and over and under, and both do not disturb the scenery around you, nor are you disturbed by it, and while you may be unlike much of what is alive around you, you are none the less a part of the scene.

The emulation of a stone-like demeanor in relation to the stressors of life emphasizes that you needn't give in to the push and pull of the world around you; you don't need to capitulate to the pressures others put on you, nor do you have to assert your control over them to avoid being victimized. You can simply exist as a part of the larger picture without disturbing others or being disturbed.

(I've always attributed this to meditative buddhism in general but it turns out (I think) it was actually adopted by chinese buddhism via daoism and confusianism. The term wu-wei[無為] often translated translated as "inaction" or "action without action". Look it up for more detail, its cool stuff)

And finally the concept of Mudita: defined as joy felt on behalf of others for their own wellbeing. Opposite of things like schadenfreude and FOMO.

So, here's our return to FOMO.... I'm not sure the exact relation but the term showed up a surprising amount in interviews surrounding the film, particularly in regards to Ke Huy Quan's long absence from acting, but I get the impression this was a keyword that Daniels used during writing that spread into the way the cast talk about the film as a result. And it makes sense both in regards to the ADHD themes, the midlife crisis, and of course the resolution of the film's grappling with self-destructive nihilism.

But also, obviously, I'm sure you notice, this specific kind of "joy" is embodied directly in the character, Joy, Evelynn's estranged daughter. Because not only is the solution to Evelynn's restlessness and sense of unaccomplished life something she can overcome through the legacy of her daughter; not by her daughter's "success" in conventional means(which all context implies she has pushed her towards in the pass to the point of breakdown) but by her joy in living a self-fulfilled life. Evelynn can be happy by knowing she can allow Joy to be happy.

But also this works metaphorically, in that reconnecting with Joy means reconnecting with (sympathetic)joy. She forgot what being happy was, for herself but also for others, and by rediscovering that concept she can overcome her own dissatisfactions. And indeed the ultimate form Evelynn attains in the final fight is one of sympathetic joy, and of mercy.(see: that Guanyin theme I only briefly touched on) See used her opened 3rd eye to see the lives of other people and to grant them the joy she herself lacked and longed for, and in turn found that joy for herself. "Be kind" Waymond says, and in that kindness, that selflessness, Evelynn finds her salvation from the endless cycle of suffering of life. She becomes enlightened. She reaches Nirvana.

And this is, btw, why the film DOESN'T end with optimism and hope and individualist concepts of self-actualization and overwhleming positivity being some kind of solution to negativity and depression. And why the nihilism is non treated as synonymous with some western concept of "evil" in direct opposition to "good." Because the innately Buddhist philosophy at the roots of it is all about personal balance and being at peace with reality rather than at odds with it. And that means embracing the bigger picture, rather than trying to force it and one's self into some limited perspective of what "should" be, rather than simply what is.

Anyway that's my hectic, halfbaked rant about the specifically Buddhist backbone to this film. It is such a fascinatingly secular approach to a crash course in Buddhist philosophy, despite being so blatantly and AGRESSIVELY Buddhist in how the film embodies its philosophies.

[anastasiaavd]

HEAVY FBAA SPOILERS

I just trying to figure these books out, understand the prophecy, find who the dark one is and I would have very good theories IF JLA DIDNT HAVE THE HABITS OF LYING AND CHANGING EVERYTHING WE KNOW IN EACH BOOK.

I’m not even sure about the whole primals to gods to deities to godlins thing bc its so complicated. And then what are Atlantians ? What makes them, what makes them more than mortal, how are the bloodlines created ? By the union of deities and mortals ? Are they godlins ? that are the "basics" I don’t quite understand or just can’t remember.

PLUS they’re so many characters I love it but it’s a lot and we can never be sure who they really are bc jla loves to play w us ;) but i have it kind of figured out. I will try to share and explain some theories I saw left and right. Maybe these are well known and already discussed and shit but I’m new on here and I’ve never been able to rant and exchange w FBAA fans before so I’ll give it a try, feel free to react in fact pls DO REACT

So according to some theories, Isbeth is not really poppy’s mother and she just tries to mess w her, which I think would be kind of a deja-vu turnaround but whatever, so my guess is that poppy is the daughter of ires (that we know for sure.. I hope) and JADIS, nektas daughter. It would made her a god AND some kind of draken, although I’m really not sure about this, it would be sm cooler than Isbitch and would explain (if there is anything to explain, it might just be details, not a big part of the plot) why poppy is so interested in shape changing creatures and why the draken are becoming highlights of the books (poppy meeting nektas, the draken being what they are : the super powerful protectors of primals, jadis being that cute baby everybody love in ASITE, then going missing w ires and now we don’t know what happened to her). But I’m pretty sure JLA confirmed Isbeth was her real mother so let’s just focus on the REAL THING >> THE DARK ONE.

Two options in my opinion : Kolis or the supposedly dead son of malec and isbeth. Kolis bc the Dark One is described as a whole different entity compared to everything we know, he has no face, pretty much no soul.. he’s just a void yk and that would match Kolis bc in the ASITE timeline, one way or another, he was dispossessed from both title, he cannot be life nor death since by usurping one he lost the other. AND they manifest in the same way : when Nyktos went to claim Sera in the ASITE prologue, he had a hood covering his face and shadows and darkness were surrounding him. Exactly like the dark one during poppy’s attack. So he just goes around doing shit till he finds poppy during the attack that killed her adoptive parents, spare and protect her BC SHE IS SOTORIA REBORN (cus she’s a descendant of sera who is sotoria reincarnated, and it goes on and on) AND HE CAN ONLY PROTECT THE OBJECT OF HIS UNDYING LOVE THAT HE LOST THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO. We can add to this theory that he is in some ways linked to Isbeth great design like maybe he was order to get poppy for isbeth idk or the other way around everything is the plan of Kolis trying to get revenge and he uses Isbeth bc she too wants revenge AND isbeth was all mysterious and teasing a greater plan to cas in the first chapter of TWOTQ (pre-released) so them working together or her for him would make sense (I’m saying this bc it would be weird for the fucking former primal of death to work for a fake god yk but this is just me thinking about everything little single details bc I have adhd and ocds). Anyway maybe they are just two salty bitter bitches who are willing to destroy the worlds for their ego but it’s really not the point even if I’ve been developing this for so long damn write your own book. OR malec and isbeth’s dead son. It would add sm spice to an already way too complicated and spicy plot but we love it. Because yk there’s no proof he’s really dead and maybe Isbeth LIED (that would surprise no one) and she very much would know where he is and how he is doing because bc he’s be very much alive.. and if we want to go further, but again it’s just me saying shit cuz I don’t have the patiente to write my own book, kind of alive bc the Dark One is, as said earlier, a void like no life no death no soul no thoughts head’s empty. Anyway long short story he’d be a revenant, created by Kolis, or not, I just really feel like Kolis has to do w EVERYTHING, since he’s shady and has a habit for doing shit between life and death. That would make sense and just be cool for the plot since he’s Isbeth’s son and she, as far as we know, owns the Revenants. In both cases the Dark One could be connected to Isbeth, or not, depends on how deep you want the plot to go. AND I think Kolis is linked to the Revenant one way or another. But then I’m wondering how could Isbeth be such a big deal.. she was just king malec’s mortal side chick, she’s really overstepping and being dramatic here 🙄🙄 That’s it for now I’m tired I WILL analyze the prophecy later bc I HAVE AN EXCELLENT IMAGINATION

[macronalds]

For Reasons, I recently found myself rewatching “The Gang Chokes” in order to examine Mac’s behavior and reasoning therein.  I ended up writing a stupidly long, probably stupidly stupid, essay about it, and had a lot of fun in the process, so I wanted to post it here for posterity.  Below the cut, please find in adapted form my argument for Why You Can’t Call A Plan Desperate If It’s Working.

ETA: The Reasons were helping the amazing @weareintheblankbit with the fic Add It Up.  Even if you make the right choice and skip this monstrosity of a post, don’t miss her excellent story.

——

To me, Mac doesn't seem predominantly panicky or fearful in this episode.

     His actions overall, here and in the later “The Gang Texts,” look like a purposeful abandonment of ego in contrast to similarly obsequious but more objectively pathetic behavior in “The Gang Escapes” (I have feelings about the sadness of season 13 and the dividing line of Mac Finding His Pride between then and the next year, but I can't work out how to figure those ideas in and keep this even close to a cogent essay).  Here, as in the opening “The Gang Gets Romantic,” Mac has a plan that he's constructed and is following - and while he does sometimes get stuck in the execution of it, on the whole he's successfully sticking to a throughline. For instance, when Dennis rebuffs his query at the start about what he will be eating, he doesn't get flustered about it, he just keeps on doing what he's decided is the thing to do.  "Again, Dennis, what am I to be having?"  And like, that's not really floundering.  It was obviously Dennis's idea back in the day to order everyone's meals for them (”The Gang Gets a New Member”); Mac's just trying to harken back to it.

    (Talking about back in the day, I have a whole thing about how the central "problem" over the course of their friendship, through like season 11, was that they pretty much were in a nascent "gay relationship.”  As long as they didn’t call it that, it worked for them.  The snag: Mac was afraid of being Gay, and Dennis was afraid of committing to being in a Relationship.  Mac, now, has finally become comfortable with himself - Dennis isn't there yet.  The story of season 14 for me is that Mac wants to return to the unnamed state of absurd closeness they had back then, but is trying to take the lead from Dennis in making it happen.)

    The thing is, I think this plan (to make Dennis happy in their relationship again) is mostly beginning to work here.  He really seems to have hit on something close to what Dennis wants: to be taken care of.  Dennis approves of many of Mac's actions in this episode.  For instance, Dennis is IMPRESSED that Mac remembers his dairy "allergy."  He's EXCITED for Mac to be his food gatekeeper, and waits expectantly for him to continue rejecting the rest of that pizza.  Mac has correctly identified a role that Dennis wants him to take on; it's just that he's bad at it, and that (the not remembering Dennis's problems with the other ingredients) is what gets Dennis's goat.  You see, although Mac is deeply caring, I think you can make a factual statement that his ADHD qualities* make him a bad schemer, and yeah, he is also fundamentally needy, and checks in for guidance too often for Dennis's comfort.  The points at which Dennis gets frustrated in Chokes are when Mac's ability to contribute what he wants from him in the relationship is compromised by his incompetence, leading to Dennis fearing that he can't really rely on him (and therefore anyone, because he doesn't come close to trusting literally anyone else).

*I refer to this sincerely, not in a glib way; please note however that I am not a mental health professional. I just want to refer to the traits he has that are associated with this diagnosis without proclaiming that I know he has it for sure.

    And that brings me to the question of: does a plan count as desperate if it's working?  It looked to me like Dennis wanted Mac to massage his muscles and tape his ankles, wanted Mac to warn him about pollen and carry him home like a princess.  He got back in Mac's arms twice after being dropped, for god's sake.  I don't think he's merely succumbing to Mac's fussiness for Mac's benefit, although Dennis may not want to admit that to himself.  Dennis always wants to feel like he's in control.  Micromanaging all of his friends helps keep him from spiraling out.  HOWEVER: quote: "With real power comes real responsibility, and I don't want any of that shit.  I just want the money and the illusion of power" (”Sweet Dee Gets Audited”).  I see a lot of utter exhaustion from Dennis in season 14, and I think stems of it lie in accidentally having convinced [Mac, himself, IDK] that his power and therefore his responsibility are real, and in feeling like he's alone in controlling his struggle of a life.

    So he falters in playing along with the intricate rituals.  He's afraid it's the wrong choice.  Mac's solution to this: aight, guess I'ma have to poison him and make it not a choice!  Mac states his opinion at the end of the episode that Dennis will inevitably see through all ruses, and potentially be impressed by Mac's devotion nonetheless, and I think that assessment includes the pizza shakes.  What's more, I think he's right.  We see Dennis looking curiously at the tumbler of protein drink on the basketball court, smacking his lips and turning it side to side.  I think it's obvious that he can tell straight away that it's made of pizza, which he has just reminded Mac that he's intolerant of, yet he drinks it anyway and shortly goes all faint.  When they get to the final restaurant trip, Dennis tells Mac he's feeling better, no thanks to his efforts.  Then, when a shake appears, he immediately decides he needs it anyway.  Again, there is no way he doesn't know Mac's making them out of pizza.  He's just so excited to play this damn game!  Dennis wants to depend on Mac, he likes being taken care of, and if he's been "poisoned," no one can fault him for not staying in control like he purports to want.  He just needs to be carried home again, goddammit.

    For me this episode is Mac is trying to take his cues from Dennis, to read the signs from him on what Mac should be doing as a good friend to him.  He's just not great at it.  Dennis is a complicated man, but also, Mac has never done subtlety well.  He needs to refine his approach, and in taking responsibility for his actions, including the ~fussing~, back off Dennis's shoulders, I think he succeeds.  Look at Dennis's face at the end of the episode: game, recognize game.  

     In conclusion, this is why I don’t think "fear and anxiety" ring true as a read for Mac’s motivations in Chokes.  Nerves definitely happen when he finds himself incurring Dennis’s ire in the course of his plan - a strong need for approval has been seared into the bones of this man - but the gestures of care and affection themselves aren’t born of desperation.  He knows what Dennis wants.  If he can get Dennis to let himself have it, he knows they can both be happy.  His plan is born of hope, and I think that noun just hits different.

the end :)

[sleepyskjolle]

PHARMA (Michael Myers x OC) // Chapter 01

A/N: So, I'm VERY new to writing fanfiction (although I've done a decent amount of RP-ing), so please be gentle with me - u -

I also wanted to make a point to not add any specific physical descriptors to our protagonist, June, so that she can be whatever you want her to be! So I suppose the story is kind of a mix between self-insert, original character, and x reader! Please feel free to tell me what you think! o u o

Summary: For June, any job was better than fast food. That of course included being hired as the specialized aide for Haddonfield's most prolific serial killer.

Set Pre-Halloween (2018)

November 21, 2017 Smith's Grove Sanitarium. Warren County, IL.

The walls of the office June sat in were just as stained and grungy as they were the first time she entered almost two weeks prior. She waited once again to see the head psychiatrist of this institution. The same institution that had loomed on the edges of her suburban hometown since the early 20th century.

Her fingers rubbed against each other in a simple pattern as she tried to calm the nervousness that was lapping at the edges of her consciousness. The ticking of the clock served as a melody for her fidgeting and it was starting to feel like she'd been waiting there an hour, although she knew that wasn't the case.

When the door finally did open, June turned to greet the doctor, a smile only crafted by years of customer service flashing.

"Good morning, Dr. Sartain, I'm sorry I'm a little early. I hope it's not a problem or anything." Apologizing for literally anything was another trait that had been beaten into the girl during her early years of employment.

The doctor just smiled back and physically waved her apology away. "There is no need for that, Ms. Jones. Promptness is a sign of a dedicated worker, and you are going to need dedication for the position you've been hired for." The small man makes his way around the desk and lowers into the well-used chair, immediately leaning onto his elbows to look at her more closely. His eyes are still kind, but his demeanor turns very serious very quickly. "You read the entire packet I gave you, correct? And the files?"

"Yes sir. I read over both pretty thoroughly, but I don't think I have any serious questions." Her fingers itched to fiddle again so she decided to clutch at the seam of her straight-out-of-the-package scrub top to quell the urge.

Dr. Sartain gave her a slightly incredulous look, pausing for a tense moment before speaking again. "And you are absolutely positive, Ms. Jones, that you want to take this job?"

June understood why he felt the need to ask. In retrospect, this was a dangerous thing, what she had signed up for. She didn't quite realize that when she signed the contracts that make it so the institute isn't liable if you get hurt. It became pretty clear though, when she had to go through a week of training and was told enough stories and shown enough scars to scare most anybody away. She learned a lot of ways to be safe though, and multiple ways to get away, as nobody was allowed to even detain the residents except for the guards, who usually sat half a compound away in their station. You weren't allowed to hurt a resident, even to protect yourself.

"Yes sir. I... I'm not afraid."

The doctor's intense demeanor switched off like a light and suddenly he was smiling warmly at her again and leaning back in his seat. "Good. You came at a good time too... He's been without an aide for a few weeks now at this point. Not that he necessarily NEEDS an aid, but most everyone that works here refuses to give him even decent care. At least in my professional opinion...” The doctor’s face betrays a slight bit of disdain for a split second “And, as I've explained to you previously, your position is sort of a last ditch effort to rehabilitate Michael."

Sartain coughs into his hand then begins to rise back up, using the desk for assistance.

"Come. It's time to introduce you to the nurses. Afterwards, we will let you meet your charge."

June follows the doctor without a word, nervous and a little bit excited, which always comes with a new job. She hoped the other orderlies liked her, naturally, but she was more worried about Michael. The doctor, and even the ones in charge of training, explained extensively just how many aides Michael had already gone through. Many either quitting suddenly and unexpectedly and the others being fired after a month or more of Mr. Myers showing no significant change. Apparently, Sartain had realized that he wouldn't be able to get through to Michael due to his distrust in doctors, or at least he assumed that was why. He petitioned to have this position made in an effort to find someone Michael could trust. So far, no luck.

Would she be any different?

The trek to the nurse's station was mostly uneventful, other than the intense security check they had to go through just past the doctor's office, at the entrance to the ward. Sartain assured her it would be swifter once she was given her clearance card but June knew that it was important that the residents weren't given access to anything that they could use to harm themselves or others. At Smith's Grove, careful was an understatement.

Most of the nurses were older and gave the girl just a side glance before returning to their work. The ones closer to her age, and a male guard that was chatting and flirting with a younger employee, greeted her with big smiles. There were too many names to remember immediately but the nametags would help.

One CNA, a younger guy named Nate, shook her hand and wished her luck. After that, it was like everyone remembered just why she was there. She mumbled a quick "thank you" as Sartain began to lead her further down the hall, watching the concerned eyes follow her until she was out of sight.

Dr. Sartain pulled her back from the distraction with his thick accent, "Michael should be in the cafeteria by this point, eating breakfast. This will be a good time to introduce you, while there are guards watching. Just in case, you see."

The ward was sort of maze-like, but there were signs indicating the cafeteria was close. The rusty looking red doors came into view and Sartain asked if she had the itinerary on hand. June's fingers slipped into her pocket in search of the folded paper, just to make sure.

"Yeah. Yeah, I've got it." They pause just outside the doors and he points through the rectangular window at an old man sitting alone in the middle of the large room. There were plenty of other residents already up and scarfing down their breakfasts but there was a wide berth around the one they were watching. The man, who had to be Michael, was staring out the nearest window. His breakfast sandwich sat half-eaten in his grip.

June's gaze breaks to look for some bit of affirmation on the doctor's face, her arms crossed to prevent her fingers from worrying her scrubs into oblivion. "Do you think he'll like me?"

"Hm... Well, judging by past trials, it's likely he won't take to anyone. But... it's possible, Ms. Jones. No one really knows what's going on in that grey head of his. No one ever has." His eyes turn back to Michael before hers. "Look. He knows."

Her attention snaps back to the old man in the cafeteria and he is glaring at her. From this angle, she can see the dead eye and the scars around it, just like she read in the file. The look he is giving her is curious and intense and it takes a moment before June comes to her senses and flashes a smile, raising a hand to wave at him. His head cocks to the side slightly before he turns back to his sandwich.

"That's a good sign, Ms. Jones. You haven't sparked his ire yet, at least. Let's test the waters..."

The door doesn't make much noise but as soon as they step in the room, all eyes are on the two of them. All except for Michael, who is suddenly engrossed in the last few bites of sandwich he's holding.

They have to skirt around a few of the guys that are sitting in the aisle but there is barely any movement going on in the room so it was easy enough. The two finally halt just in front of the table Michael is sitting at. Moments pass and he still isn't giving any sign that he even knows they are there. And she knows he does.

There is no change, even as Dr. Sartain begins to address him. "Good morning, Michael. There is someone I would very much like to introduce you to. Do you think perhaps you could take a break to meet her?"

Silence. The scrape of a plastic spork against cheap foam and a bite of apple makes its way to the old man's mouth. Soon it feels a little bit like his chewing is the only sound in the room.

June glances around and catches the guards looking their way. They must be used to this.. The silence swiftly becomes deafening and she feels like she needs to break it.

"My name's Juniper."

The strong jaw that was making easy work of that apple stops in place. She can see the muscles and tendons tense beneath the skin. Even Sartain is watching her now. "I usually go by June, though..."

She throws her foot over the bench and slides into the seat in front of him. There was no going back now. June is a foot away from the deadliest serial killer to ever grace the beautiful state of Illinois and her biggest worry is if he'll like her. Probably another product of employment in the fast food industry.

"I'm your new aide and I would really appreciate if you could maybe write down the things that you do and don't want me to do. I have ADHD and sometimes its really hard for me to remember things if I don't have a list. My uh… my little brother has autism too and sometimes he doesn't like being touched and sometimes he does. So if there is anything like that for you, I want to know. It's really nice to finally meet you, y'know!"

His head doesn't move even a millimeter but slowly his eyes rove over to the girl, although only one of them displayed any awareness. She's having problems deciphering how he feels about her just through his gaze, but June continues to smile at him, awaiting a response. Or anything really.

Eventually it comes. Although it arrives in the form of Michael standing and picking up his trash before turning on his heel and walking to the exit, throwing away the garbage, and leaving without a word.

When he's out the door, every bated breath in the cafeteria releases at once and suddenly it's as if nothing ever happened. She takes a moment to scan the room in awe before turning to face the doctor again. He's looking at her in a similar manner to how she was purveying the room, like something out of the ordinary just happened. June wonders if that was the wrong thing to do and she fucked up her chances at keeping this job but her worries melt away when his visage of confusion shifts to one of approval.

"Very good, Ms. Jones. You know, you may just be the right person for the job. Let's go fetch your clearance card and nametag and then we'll throw you back into the ring after lunch.”

“C-cool!” She knew how unprofessional the word was even as it slipped past her lips and the girl mentally berated herself for it as she unwove her legs from the bench. This wasn’t fast food anymore. This was the big leagues. Like, the “$20,000 more a year” leagues.

Her new employer simply gave a small chuckle, setting her at ease again.

“Yes, Ms. Jones. VERY cool.”

_________________________

June was allowed to watch the hustle and bustle of the residents during the period between breakfast and lunch from the nurse’s station. Nate, when not checking on his assigned residents, sat close to her and made small talk.

They were near the same age and she had remembered seeing him in passing during her junior and senior years. They bonded over making fun of old classmates and teachers. Even as they chatted, her eyes were always on the lookout for HER resident. She hadn’t caught sight of him since their meeting in the cafeteria and she wondered if he was avoiding her on purpose. Nate seemed to pick up on this and their talk shifted.

“He’s always like this at first, so don’t worry too much about it.” It was nice that he was trying to reassure her, at least.

She notices that her fingers are fidgety again and wonders just how long they’d been doing that. It takes a few seconds for her to debate whether she should voice what she’s really thinking.

“Is he really all that bad? I mean… I know about the babysitter murders. Trick-or-treating has been basically illegal in Haddonfield until just a few years ago. We ALL heard the stories about the boogeyman growing up. But since then?”

Another pause while Nate parses out his response. “Well… I haven’t ever seen him like that. But some of his previous aides got really freaked out and quit all of a sudden. And Nettie,” he nods his head towards an older nurse doing paperwork in the small office across the hall, “she’s told us all some pretty crazy stories from back in the day. Said he used to be really dangerous. But I’ve never even seen a resident give him a mean look. They simply don’t mess with him. It’s kind of crazy, really…”

June isn’t sure how to respond. Dr. Sartain had assured her that Michael hadn’t hurt anyone in “quite a while”. He said they had even brought in cats to spend the night with him a few times and every single kitty came out of the room in the morning just as it had been the evening before. Before she musters up another query, Nate stands up from his chair and scoots it back under the desk.

“Hey, I gotta go real quick. It’s lunchtime and they’ll get rowdy if we don’t start rounding em up.” He turns to another employee that had been reading on the other side of the station. “Cass. Hey Cass. It’s time for lunch.”

The other girl, Cass, rolls her eyes as she slides her bookmark back into the tacky romance novel she was halfway through. She grumbles an audible, “this’ll be fun,” before picking up a clipboard and pen and pushing past June on her way out of the nurse’s station. Nate shoots her an apologetic look before grabbing his clipboard and leaving her there alone.

She can hear them shouting “LUNCHTIME” down the halls and all of a sudden, doors are slammed open and then the passageways are stampeded with the footfalls of eager, hungry men. Many of them take the time to ogle the new blood a bit on their way but it’s obvious that most of them are more focused on their bellies because none of them bother for too long.

June herself is pulling out the package of tuna and crackers she had brought for her own lunch as the last stragglers file through. Her thumb gets caught on the lip of the plastic as she tries to open it and the ensuing cut is little, but a drop of blood begins to form from the slit. Out of instinct, she mumbles “shit” and brings it to her mouth. Her tongue is putting pressure on the little wound and the sharp pain is starting to fade when something tall looms just in her peripheral.

Her eyes jolt upwards to see him standing still as death in the hallway, still facing towards the route to the dining hall. His head is ever so slightly tilted in her direction, his good eye flickering between her own eyes and the finger still suckled in her mouth.

Within a millisecond June’s thumb is retracted and she gives Michael a smile and a nervous wave with her other hand.

“H-hey! I hope you have a good lunch!” She begins to explain herself, “I just, uh… I cut my finger on accident and I…”

He doesn’t let the girl finish her rambling, turning his head back and continuing on his trek towards his lunch like she wasn’t talking at all.

He gets to the end of the hall and turns the corner before her mind finds itself again. “Uh, okay… rude…” Maybe he just needed time to warm up to her, just like Nate said.

June’s eye catches the offending tuna package once more and then her attention is turned back to how hungry she is. And Lord knows with her new “friend”, she may need the strength in the coming hours.

_________________________

After lunch, Dr. Sartain fetches her again, to ferry her to Michael for the last time. After this, she would be on her own. June doesn’t bring up what happened at the nurse’s station.

She waits just beside the doctor as they walk up to him in the common room. He’s standing and looking out one of the many large windows that line one wall of the decently large room.

“Michael, June is here to see you again. She’ll be with you the rest of the afternoon, so you must be on your best behavior so you don’t scare her off.” The old man continues to stare out the window and gives no indication that he’s even heard the doctor speak. Sartain turns to her and whispers “good luck” before making his exit.

It takes a couple of minutes for June to make her way up to the window, near Michael, but far enough away as to not make him uncomfortable. She sneaks a few glances at the tall man and also tries to pinpoint just what it is he’s watching. They are on the third floor and the view spans a pretty wide area, even overlooking the parking lot. A few people are coming and going, mostly what looks like employees and the others most likely visitors. His eye follows one and then moves on to the next person. And then the next. ‘Ah. So he’s peoplewatching,’ June thinks to herself.

A few minutes of watching with him and she notices just how quiet the man is. Barely exuding a sound besides the rhythmic breaths that accompanies most humans. He really is a mystery.

Not really knowing what to say, she lets almost half an hour pass in silence before her legs begin to ache from standing still for so long. June moves to sit in the chair just on the other side of Michael and she grabs a magazine from a nearby side table to flip through. She doesn’t want to push Michael too much and is sure just letting him get used to her presence is the correct way to go about it, at least for the first day or so. Some of the other men in the room begin to whisper to each other. After awhile, she peeks over the top of the Good Housekeeping in her hands to see a few younger looking guys watching her and talking amongst themselves. Within ten minutes, they are standing close enough to speak to her but still not incredibly close. She sees them nervously eyeing Michael, who hasn’t moved a centimeter.

Maybe she should say hi? That’s polite, right?

“Hey, what’s up? You guys need something? I can go get a CNA...”

One of the boys, the one that seems to be the leader, steps just a tiny bit closer, eyes moving from her to Michael. Then from Michael to her.

“Nah, we’re good, miss. We just wanted to meet you. My name’s Russ. We just don’t get many new people around h-here.”

One of the other two men, who looks to be a bit older, is flashing her a weird smile. He nudges his way up so he’s standing beside Russ instead of behind. “We definitely don’t get many pretty girls like you.”

Russ jabs his elbow into the other man’s side and June isn’t really sure how to respond. “Oh, um… Thank you?”

Russ opens his mouth to say something else but the younger guy cowering behind him gets his attention and points behind her. June turns to look as well and it seems Michael has turned his head in their direction and is glaring at the boys. The flirty guy curses under his breath and Russ, who looks absolutely terrified, starts backing up. “S-sorry for bothering you… sorry…”

They abscond without another word and huddle around a small table in the opposite corner of the room, looking back at her direction every now and then. She moves to glance back at her charge and their eyes meet.

Silence. Then he’s looking out the window again, ignoring that she’s even there.

So she goes back to reading the interview with Jaime Lee Curtis she was engrossed in when they were approached. She couldn’t help but to sing that digestive yogurt jingle in her head.

A couple of hours pass by uneventfully and by 3 o’clock she’s read every article in every magazine in a five foot radius. June’s eyes are a little sore from the reading and she wonders just how Michael can stand in the same spot like that for that long. When she stands, one of her hands moves to settle against his shoulder. Just a small gesture to get his attention. The muscles beneath her hand tense just slightly at the touch.

“The doc told me to leave at 3 today, so I guess I’ll be on my way. It was nice meeting you though. I hope I didn’t annoy you too much...” Her hand falls back to her side. “Have a good rest of your day, okay?” She waits for a response but it never comes, so June makes her way back to the nurse’s station to gather her things, yawning along the way. Sitting around doing nothing had really taken a toll on her today.

Nate is packing up when she gets there so they head out together, chatting about what they are going to eat for supper that night all the way up until they have to split up to get to their cars.

June opens the driver side door but gets a shiver down her spine before she can climb in. Realization dawns and then her eyes are looking back up at the massive, decrepit building, searching the windows. It doesn’t take long to find him and when she does, he’s looking back at her. It’s the same spot he was in when she left him but this time his gaze stays on her, instead of flickering to and fro. There are more than a few people leaving right now but he’s just watching her.

‘Maybe that’s a good sign…’

She waves once more but as she suspected, he doesn’t return it. The wind is chilly though, and she doesn’t wait for long.

‘It wasn’t a BAD day,’ June reminds herself on the drive home.

“Beats McDonald’s ANY day…”

[queercode-my-minecraft]

Smol! Patton and older Patton with his bf Roman ( @chemically-imbalanced-romance the idea was from the tutu! Patton anon you received, I just got really inspired)

(more under cut because it became so long)

It’s basically Royality (ballet dancer!Patton and actor!Roman) 

The ages are basically: Patton, Roman and Virgil are all the same age, while Logan is a year older (you bet he teases his borther, Roman, about it endlessly)

they met in kindergarden, nobody really know how; their parents only know that they stopped to talk with the guy that would look over them and when they returned to the two of them they were playing happily

when they were younger (five years? ye) Patton and Roman started ballet lessons together (Roman’s older brother Logan did ballet there so their parents thought: “Why not?”)

idk if you ever saw the end performance of five year olds but it’s so cute, like wow! and you bet that their parents took videos and photos of the performance

(when Patton is feeling down he’ll look at his past performances and chuckles nostalgicaly)

theres also that one kid who wont leave the stage because they love the attention and thats Roman (Patton was the one who would wave at the audience the whole time) 

that’s the first time Roman has actually shown to love the stage and the attention (he also was a quiet kid, who rarely spoke so Roman’s parents began thinking)

the next year was their first year of elementary school and their second year doing ballet, Roman also began taking drama, which he absoloutly loves

he often talked to Patton about what they did during drama and Patton was happy for him but also really jealous 

time passes and Patton learns not to be so much jealous of Roman (as time passes they also discover Roman’s dyscalculia and Patton’s ADHD)

Middle School time!

Insecurity time! but, in middle school you never tell anyone that you feel insecure, so everyone gets super angsty and thinks they’re living worse than others but they never get help to sort the bad things that happen to you and im getting in too many details

Patton and Roman get bullied i know that Patt is the sweetest guy but bullies do see that as a weakness for liking feminine things

Patton feels hurt about those words but continues persuing his passion, while Roman starts closing in himself

This is until an evening in May during their last year, where Roman and Patton are walking back from drama and ballet respectivly and as they’re walking Patton is telling him about what he learned and as Roman looks at Pat he just stops dead in his tracks and starts sobbing

Patton is taken aback, sure he saw that Roman was getting quieter but he thought that was normal for their age!

“Hey, Ro-Ro, what happened?” Patton drops his bag and hugs Roman, who clings at Patton

“I-I want to be more like y-you, y-you’re so so so ni-nice and you lo-love dancing and th-they-their words don’t hurt you a-and I ju-just hear they- them calling m-me gay and-” A loud sob by Roman interrupts his speech, but he doesn’t want to leave Patton down, because he’s his best friend and he deserves to know everything

“and I am” the words are uttered in a whisper, Patton understands and hugs him tighter, wishing he could never let go of his best friend

after some time they leave the others embrace and they return home. Patton doesn’t want to leave his best friend so they walk hand in hand, whispering to each other “I know exactly how you feel.” “You do?” “Well, not exactly. But, their words do hurt me too and at times I wish they didn’t...”

when their parents take them off their phones for some weeks they’re absolutely fine with it because now they start a new chapter of their friendship where they’re more sincere with each other

Highschool time!

The bullying stops, they’ve changes school and they don’t know anyone but the other (I feel like during their freshmen year they’re kind of like Two Player Game, but sort of different) 

that’s the year where they meet Virgil Alighieri (I am so damn sorry) and he kind of starts hanging out with them

He’s really closed off and quiet and Patton sees Roman of that night in the guy, while Roman sees what he was supposed to be (and he hates it so much, which brings him to antagonise the poor guy for a semester) and Virgil doesn’t want to destroy the bond between these two friends because they’re so close and he doesn’t want to destroy anything as usual

sophomore year starts and Roman is dating some guy he met during vacation?? which they actually know because he goes to their school?? 

Patton is so confused and Virgil just pats his back trying to comfort him, so Patton turns around at this smol guy and start saying what he’s thinking in that precise moment. No filters

“He’s my best friend and, I don’t know, should friends feel like jealous that they’re dating someone... else? We’re always been really affectionate and I don’t really want to destroy our friendship, he’s so important and WHAT IF I MESS EVERYTHING UP?!” 

Virgil is taken aback by the outburst (he hates loud noises) and murmurs “That does sound pretty gay, Pat.”

So, Patton loses himself in dancing. It kind of becomes his escape and he hates that it has become like that. Roman is in a similar situation. He’s seeing his best friend working his ass off training and he’s withdrawing, but there’s also Virgil who just smiles sympathetically and says “I don’t know too, dude.” and on the other side there’s his boyfriend that wants them to do stuff that he really doesn’t feel the need (he never did)

they’re in May, again, but this time its raining and Patton is alone walking from practice (probably watching some old video) and Roman comes running towards him

When Patton looks at his friend, he can’t tell if his make-up (Roman had fallen in love with the stuff) has been destroyed by the rain ir by his tears “I-I broke up with him...”

Patton opens his arms to hug his friend but Roman shakes his head and says “I’ve come here to tell you I’m sorry for my previous actions, I shouldn’t have let you... withdraw from us. Because I care so much about you and I don’t want you to feel hurt by me anymore, so if you want to stop... being friends I’m okay. Besides I have finished all my tears for tonight.” Which was wrong, because when Patton hugged him in tears, Roman hugged back tearing up too

The next two years pass in a blur of Monsters, films, stress, practice,  homework, tears, doodles on the side of the paper and chatter in class During class, it’s October and there’s a timid light that enters the classroom. Roman and Patton are doodling on a paper, well, in the moment Patton is doodling and Roman looks at Patton, with his freckles and his bright eyes and realizes he has fallen for him.

College time!

they kind of ended up in the same college, where also Logan goes. Roman and Patton decide to take a room together, while Logan (who had a terrible experience with his previous a certain Nate) takes Virgil

Virgil is absoloutly smitten about Logan from the moment he saw him so he passes the first month trying not to meet the guy escaping in the other too’s room

but they’re aren’t having it easy too, because they’re both crushing on each other and they would be hilarious if it wasn’t so awkward (for Virgil, Logan finds its weird, how the two act but hey! you can’t see him gushing about Virgil to Roman, so at least he doesn’t bug his brother like someone else does!)

Logan slowly develops a crush on Virgil during the two semesters

it’s summer and Roman and Patton are walking back from Patton’s practice, he’s in one of his practice-to-wear-thingies and it has this sort of dress, his hair is tied up in a weird curly bun and... Roman is kissing Patton.

Patton never kissed anyone so he’s terrified, Roman believes he kissed someone who was his best friend and he’s terrified. They’re both terrified, but they think that this will probabl be the only kiss with the other so they try their best (can I even say that?) 

when they stop they’re breathing heavily and smiling so much it hurts 

“That was... amazing” 

“Yeah... Wait! You really think so? Would you actually kiss ME again?” Roman is smiling ear to ear, and Patton hopes he isnt going to say the wrong thing

“I would kiss you again and again... if you asked... and not in a friends that kiss, but in a boyfriend manner?” tried Patton, quickly adding the ending at Roman’s face. 

“I’d love that, Pat”

[winterfable]

How to become your own master: the simple science of willpower and self-control

The archenemy of willpower: stress

If you want to see this in action, the next time you face a willpower challenge, deliberately slow your breathing down to about 10 to 15 seconds per breath, or four to six breaths per minute. An easy way to do this is to exhale through your mouth slowly and fully with your lips pursed as if you were blowing lightly through a straw. Research shows that simply slowing down your breathing like this increases heart rate variability and helps you better resist the effects of stress and strengthen your willpower.

While that’s a nifty little trick for staying strong in the face of a momentary temptation or challenge, it’s important that you remember to take some time to relax every day, as research shows that this not only reduces stress hormones and increases your willpower but preserves your health as well. Don’t confuse “relaxation” with “indulgent and inactive,” though. A bottle of wine and a 24 marathon isn’t going to help you.

Instead, you want to engage in activities that elicit a specific type of physiological response: your heart rate slows, your blood pressure drops, your muscles relax, and your mind stops analyzing and planning. Everything just slows down. Research has shown that there are various ways to enter this state, such as going for a walk outside, reading, drinking a cup of tea, listening to soothing music, doing yoga, lying down and focusing on breathing and relaxing your muscles, and even gardening.

Another important part of keeping stress levels low is getting adequate sleep. If you sleep too little too regularly, you’ll find yourself more susceptible to stress and temptation and lacking the “energy reserve” needed to keep your good habits in play and your bad habits in check. In fact, research shows that sleep deprivation causes symptoms similar to ADHD: distractibility, forgetfulness, impulsivity, poor planning, and hyperactivity.These are hardly the types of behavior conducive to good selfcontrol.

Reducing your consumption of pessimistic, fear-mongering media can reduce stress levels as well. Research has shown that exposing yourself to a constant barrage of bad news, scare tactics, and morbid reminders of our mortality increases the likelihood of overeating, overspending, and other willpower failures.

If you really want to “stress-proof” yourself and build up your willpower reserve, however, you want to start exercising. Research shows that regular exercise reduces cravings for both food and drugs, increases heart rate variability, makes us more resistant to stress and depression, and even optimizes overall brain function.

[...]

Don’t care how, I just want it now

The problem is that when we think about rewards, the longer we have to wait, the less desirable they become. Psychologists call this “delay discounting,” and it explains why in the moment of having to make a decision regarding an immediate reward versus a future one, one bird—or Big Mac—in the hand can be worth an inordinately large number of other things in the bush.

[...]

When you face a willpower challenge, if you think about the future reward first and how giving in now sacrifices progress toward or some part of it, research shows that you’ll be less likely to discount the future and indulge. When you face the delicious prospect of bingeing on pizza, think first about how eating it gives up progress toward your long-term goal of the ideal weight or body composition, and it’ll suddenly become much less appealing.

Lets all get fat and jump off bridges

In the world of marketing, this effect is known as “social proof,” and it’s a well established principle used in myriad ways to influence us to buy. When we’re not sure how to think or act, we tend to look at how other people think and act and follow along, even if subconsciously. Whenever we justify behaviors as acceptable because of all the other people doing it too or because of how “normal” it is, we’re appealing to social proof. We can pick up anything from temporary solutions to long-term habits this way, and both people we know and even people we see in movies can influence us.

For example, having obese friends and family members dramatically increases your risk of becoming obese as well.The more a student believes that other students cheat on tests, the more likely he is to cheat (even if he’s wrong in his estimates),and the more people believe others underreport income on their taxes, the more like they are to cheat the IRS too.

[...]

You can “vaccinate” yourself against these threats by simply spending a few minutes every day reviewing your goals and how you might be tempted to go astray. Imagine how the situation will play out. How will you be enticed? What specific actions or willpower strategies will you use to escape the trap? What will it feel like to succeed and stay strong? Research shows that reflecting on these things will strengthen your will and help you turn away from immediate gratification when necessary.

Using the good to justify the bad

Have you ever told yourself that you were “good” when you did what you needed to do or didn’t give in to temptation but “bad” when you procrastinated or lost a battle with your impulses?

Have you ever used “good” behavior as permission to be “bad?”

Chances are you answered yes and yes, and that’s fine. You have firsthand experience with the trap that psychologists call moral licensing, which is an insidious destroyer of willpower.

You see, when we assign moral values to our actions, they become fodder for our desire to simply feel good (enough) about ourselves, even when we are sabotaging our long-term goals or harming others. By being “good,” we reckon, we “earn” the “right” to be a little (or a lot) “bad.” For example, if you do your workout, stick to your diet for a day, and pat yourself on the back for how “good” you were, you might find yourself overeating tomorrow but feeling virtuous, guilt-free, and in control.

[...]

As you can see, once we go searching for moral permission to stray from our goals, it’s not hard to drum up some virtue so we can get the green light. For some people, ordering a healthy main dish leads to higher-calorie beverages, sides, and desserts. People who buy chocolate and donate it to charity are likely to “reward” their benevolence with some chocolate of their own.45 Organic Oreos are perceived to be lower in calories and more suitable for daily consumption than regular Oreos.

The great irony of all of this is that, in the end, all of these “licensed” bad behaviors simply prevent people from achieving what really matters—a fit body, a long life, a balanced budget, a completed project shipped out the door, and so forth. They’re tricking themselves into believing that squandering their health, finances, time, opportunities, and relationships are “treats”—that self-sabotage is a reward to be cherished. Who are these people kidding? Only themselves.

[...]

Whenever you’re struggling with a willpower challenge, review your whys. What will you get in the end by staying strong? What’s the big payoff? Who else will benefit from it? What will your life be like when these things are a reality? Are you willing to delay gratification to get there? To experience some discomfort in the present to have that future?

Oh what the hell, I’m a lazy idiot anyway!

Whenever people confront a setback and say to themselves, “I’ve already messed it up, so what the hell, I might as well have some fun,” they’ve committed themselves to the downward spiral of the what-the-hell effect. They give in and feel bad. Then, to feel better, they turn to what started the whole mess, which in turn triggers even worse feelings of shame and guilt, which leads to even bigger failures, and on and on it goes.

The crystal ball of delusion

One of our favorite ways to abandon our self-control is to justify our sins of the present with planned virtues of the future. For example, research shows that simply planning on exercising later can increase the likelihood of cheating on a diet.

This type of thinking not only reeks of moral licensing, but it also introduces another critical flaw into the mix: the assumption that we’ll somehow make different decisions in the future than we do today. Today I will eat twice the dessert, but tomorrow I will stick to my diet. Today I will skip my workout, but tomorrow I’ll double up. Today I will binge on my favorite TV shows, but I won’t watch anymore for the rest of the week.

We simply give our future selves too much credit, counting on them to be able to do whatever we can’t bring ourselves to do now. We’re too quick to assume that we’ll be more enthusiastic, energetic, willful, diligent, motivated, brave, morally strong…insert virtues ad nauseam…in a couple of days, weeks, or months.

Such optimism would be okay if we knew we could actually follow through on it all. But we both know that’s not how it goes. When the future finally arrives, that noble, idealized version of ourselves is nowhere to be found, and the demands we face aren’t nearly as easy as we told ourselves they would be. What to do, then? Put it all off again, of course, hoping that our savior will rescue us next time.

This type of thinking simply burdens our future selves with an impossible load of tasks and responsibilities.

Avoid the trap of viewing Future You as some abstract entity whose emotions and desires will be different than Present You’s. Realize that, when tomorrow comes, the chances of actually following through on what you didn’t do earlier are slim. More often than not, you’re going to find yourself in the exact same state of mind as previously, and you’re going to sell yourself a little further down the river.

As you get better at this, you’ll be improving what scientists call your “future self-continuity,” which is your ability to connect future consequences with present actions.53 High future-self continuity will not only help you get into shape, but it will also improve many other areas of your life as well.

You can also use a couple of mental exercises to build your future selfcontinuity. Research shows that just thinking about the future—not even the rewards, per se—can strengthen willpower. Thus, by imagining the future, doing what you need to do or refraining from doing what you shouldn’t do, you can increase the likelihood of your following through.54 For example, if you’re struggling with starting a diet, just imagining shopping and eating differently is enough to make it more “real” and appealing.

Another exercise is writing a letter to your Future Self about what you think he’ll be like, what your hopes for him are, what you’re doing for him now that will pay off later, what he might say about your Present Self, and even what the consequences of your present willpower failures will turn into down the line. FutureMe.org offers a cool little tool for this that allows you to write an e-mail to yourself and choose a future date on which it will be delivered.

The final exercise is similar to the others and entails imagining your Future Self in vivid detail, which has been shown to increase self-control.55 Explore the consequences of current behaviors, good and bad. What will your Future Self look like if you don’t commit to changing your ways? What are the likely physical, mental, and emotional consequences? Disease, regret, shame, ugliness, depression, and loneliness? Don’t hold back. And what if you do change? How will your life look then? How will you look and feel? Will you be proud and thankful? Again, explore the possibilities.

Dont fight the urge —ride the wave

Research shows that a willingness to think thoughts and feel feelings without having to act on them is an effective method of dealing with a wide variety of challenges, such as mood disorders, food cravings, and addiction. On the other hand, trying to suppress negative thoughts and feelings, like self-criticism, worries, sadness, or cravings, can lead to greater feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, depression, and even overeating.

So, when you have disturbing thoughts, face them calmly instead of trying to sweep them under the mental rug. You don’t have to believe them or contemplate their meaning; you just have to accept that they’re there and be aware of them. Don’t read into them—just play them down. They’re not that important and will fade.

This is particularly relevant to dieting, as research shows that thought suppression is very poor dietary strategy. The more you suppress thoughts about food, the more likely you are to struggle with cravings and binge eating.58 When cravings hit, instead of trying to distract or argue with yourself, notice and accept the feelings. Realize that while you may not always be able to control where your mind wanders, you can always control your actions. And before you act on the desires, remember your goal and why you committed to abstaining in the first place. Ride out the wave of desire until it finally crashes and dissolves.

[...]

A simple rule of thumb for putting this into use is to wait 10 minutes before acting on a craving or other impulsive urge to do something you know you shouldn’t. This not only gives you time to pause and reflect on the matter, but it also takes away the power of immediate gratification and future discounting. By pushing the reward just 10 minutes into the future, you can take away its most effective weapon against your willpower.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going

It’s six o’clock, and you’ve just finished your work for the day. You’re feeling drained. Fires were fought, meetings endured, and bosses placated. You’re shuffling toward your car, and a sense of dread washes over you as you realize you’re supposed to head to the gym now to train legs. Ugh.

Before you know it, your mind is racing with reasons to just go home. It’ll be a terrible workout anyway. The gym is really full on Mondays. You can make it up next week. You don’t skip as much as your friends. The onslaught quickly breaks through your weakened defenses, and you’re on to the next decision: order pizza for dinner or cook a healthy meal? If you order now, you could pick it up on the way home…

This experience is all too familiar for many people. They use anything they can—tiredness, soreness, fatigue, or depression—as excuses to skip workouts, cheat on diets, lash out at loved ones, and put off work that’s long overdue. Being “exhausted” is just an easy way for them to feel okay about their failures.

Well, just as elite athletes are able to push themselves far beyond the first feelings of physical fatigue—the point where “normal” people give up, figuring they’ve reached their limits—we too must learn to push past the barrier of mental and emotional fatigue that can convince us to stray from our routines and goals. This isn’t as hard as it might sound, either. Research shows that people who simply don’t believe that using self-control results in mental fatigue or a weakening of the “willpower muscle” don’t experience the same gradual deterioration in the strength of their willpower seen in those who do.60

So, in a very real sense, you’re as tough as you think you are, and you can exert as much self-control as you think you can. The next time you feel “too tired” to say “I will” or “I won’t,” toughen up and push past it. Challenge yourself to go beyond that point, into discomfort, and you’ll likely find you can without consequences.

Use it or lose it —how to train your willpower

The problem with this is research shows that we can, at some point, “run out” of self-control juice, leaving us susceptible to temptation.61 Scientists have observed that, regardless of the types of tasks performed, people’s self-control is at its highest in the morning and that it steadily declines as the day wears on.62 Resisting sweets, fighting emotional impulses, keeping distractions at bay, compelling yourself to do difficult tasks, or even making trivial purchase decisions all seem to pull from the same willpower reserve.

These findings have given rise to the “willpower as a muscle” metaphor: it only has so much strength, and every time you “flex” it, it becomes a little bit weaker. The positive side of the metaphor, however, is that you can train your “willpower muscle” like a physical one and make it stronger and more resistant to fatigue.

Research backs this up too. We can increase our overall willpower by performing regular, small acts of self-control like eating fewer sweets, tracking spending, correcting our posture, refraining from swearing, squeezing a handgrip every day, and using our nondominant hand for various tasks.

What we’re really training when we do these “trivial” things is what psychologists call the “pause-and-plan response,” which involves pausing before we act, noticing what we’re about to do, and choosing differently instead.

We can use this research to build our own “willpower workouts” that train our self-control. For example, you can build your “I won’t” power by refraining from slouching when you sit, committing to not eating a junk food indulgence every day, or not swearing. You can build your “I will” power by committing to some new daily habit like doing five minutes of breathing exercises, going for a walk outside, doing 20 push-ups after waking up, finding something that needs cleaning in your house and cleaning it, or tracking something in your life that you don’t usually pay attention to, such as how many calories you take in and expend daily, how much coffee you drink, or how much time you spend surfing the Internet.

[...]

For example, if you have trouble with procrastinating on the Internet instead of working, you can download a program called Freedom (www.macfreedom.com) that turns off your Internet for a set period of time. Anti-Social (www.anti-social.cc) blocks social networks and e-mail. If sticking to a diet is your struggle, you could precommit by throwing out every bit of tempting junk food in the house and not buying it again, bringing a healthy lunch to work every day that you’ve prepared, or joining a “Diet Bet” at www.dietbetter.com. If you want to ensure you do your workouts, you could pay for an annual membership at your gym instead of going month to month.

Another good tool for precommitment is the website Stickk (www.stickk.com), which was created by Yale economist Ian Aryes. The site allows you to set a goal and time frame, put money on the line, decide what happens with the money if you fail (it goes to charity, for example, or even to an organization you don’t like, which can be a stronger incentive), designate a “referee” who will monitor your progress and confirm the truthfulness of your reports, and invite supporters to cheer you on.

nothing fails like success

Once we’ve decided on a goal, what do we crave most? Progress, of course. We want to see positive change and forward movement to give us the energy to push even harder. But that’s not how it necessarily goes.

It turns out that progress comes with a risk: complacency. Research has shown that some people use progress toward a goal as an excuse to let off the gas and indulge in some self-sabotage.

When we make progress, we can be lulled by feelings of accomplishment and entitlement. As with moral licensing, we can feel that our one step forward has earned us the privilege of taking two steps back.

Instead of patting ourselves on the back and pondering all the progress we’ve made, which increases the likelihood that we will act contrary to it, we should view our successes as evidence of how important our goals are to us, or of how committed we are to seeing the process through to the end.

That is, we should look for a reason to keep going, not to slow down and take in the scenery.

—Michael Matthews, en “Bigger, leaner, stronger: the simple science of building the ultimate male body“