#letting someone walk all over my boundaries in the name of 'love' <3

[breadmercury]

You know if I had a nickel for every time a nephew of someone who does accounting for the store i work at tried hitting on me despite my clear and firm disinterest, I would have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

[thebeesatemyknees]

141 with a gf who has been cheated on in the past and it kind of destroyed her confidence?? Like just how they would prove themselves as true and how they would go about a relationship with her. Love your writing, friend!!!! <3

141 with a (fem)partner who's been cheated on in the past

Some headcanons about things that Simon Ghost Riley, John Price, Kyle Gaz Garrick and Johnny Soap MacTavish do to reassure you after learning that your previous partner/s cheated on you.

Word count: 1k || No warnings. || Reader: FEM reader. Pronouns "you", but feminine terms used ("missus, girl, lady") [I could make a gender neutral version too if anyone would want it!]

Simon Riley, who, half joking half serious, reminds you that he’s a difficult bastard to get close to. So you don’t have to worry. I mean, look how much time it took you to make him open up and let you become part of his life. He has a hard time openly admitting how he feels about you and how he only has place for you in his heart and mind. So instead, he jokes that you’re the only person on this planet, crazy enough to approach him. Though sometimes, when you have late night conversations, he admits in a hushed voice, that as much as he enjoyed the solitary life, leaving it behind for a lifetime with you was the best decision he's ever made.

Although he prefers to avoid crowded places, he starts taking you to pubs more often to prove that he’s right about being unapproachable. It also gives you a reason to dress up all pretty, so he can shamelessly compliment you and tease you about wanting to show you off.

If someone is silly enough to walk up to you two and try chatting him up, he immediately cuts it short, not even trying to be polite – “No, we’re alright. We’re busy.” And if they’re persistent, he uses his “Lieutenant Ghost” voice on them – “You’re interrupting my date. With my girl.” He keeps his hand on you for the rest of the night.

He asks you if he should get your name tattooed on his arm and you can’t tell if he’s joking or not. But he is dead serious. Have you seen his tattoos? Not to be judgemental, but… He wouldn’t mind tattooing your name on himself once he thinks you’re the one.

John Price, who relies on communication. He asks you to talk to him whenever something feels wrong – whether it’s caused by your thoughts or something he’s done. But he doesn’t just wait for you to bring the issue up either. He’s a true leader and he’s very observant. Sometimes he notices the heavy thoughts starting to cloud your mind before you can even cotton on. He’s also really good at reading between the lines. If you ever do that self-sabotaging thing, where you ask his opinion about other women on the street or on the internet, he immediately gives you a stern look and, without even looking at the lass you’re pointing at, gives you a lengthy pep talk. Why would he even need to form an opinion about another woman’s appearance, when he only cares about you? 

He’s got the patience of a saint when it comes to you. He’s told you what he feels towards you and how you are the only one for him many times already. And he would repeat himself, over and over again. Until he loses his voice.

If he got approached by someone and offered a drink, while you’re hanging out in a pub, he would point towards you and say “I’m alright, but you can buy my lady a drink if you insist,” with a cocky smile on his face.

Kyle Garrick, who attacks you with “I love you”-s and compliments whenever you start doubting yourself. Literally. Won’t let you finish your self-derogatory comments, even if they’re well hidden in what you’re saying. Starts yelling ILYs from afar. Then once he gets closer, he grabs you and holds you close, repeating it against your ear until you laugh from the sensation. But he doesn’t ignore your worries. He often sits you down so that the two of you can have a conversation about your feelings, your boundaries, behaviours and things he can do to assure you of his loyalty.

He has pictures of you everywhere and he’s proud to show you off. There are polaroids of you alone and both of you together in his wallet, in his car’s sun visor, in the pocket of his uniform. You’re his phone’s wallpaper. He posts pictures of you on social media. Obviously, he does all that while making sure it won’t affect your safety. And as for him bragging about you, you probably learnt about that from Price. What you don’t know though, is that he went out of his way to introduce you to his captain in hopes of Price telling you how often he talks about you. And only you.

If someone tried to chat him up while he’s with you, he would give them the nastiest, most offended glare possible. He looks at them, at you, at them, at you… He throws a simple “Uhh, no thank you,” while he grabs your hand and pulls it to his chest, using it to ground himself. Before the person can even turn away, he’s looking at you with a “can you believe this shit” stare. He gets upset for the both of you.

Johnny MacTavish, who’s physically glued to you.While off duty, he doesn't give you much space for doubts or anxieties cuz he follows you everywhere. You’re going to run some errands? He’s coming with you. He’s going to run some errands? Can you please come with him…? One time, when you went to the toilet in the middle of the night, you found him sitting half-awake on the floor next to the bathroom door. Later, he can’t even explain why he did it. He wasn’t even fully conscious. It was pure instinct – you go, he follows.

He takes you to buy matching rings. You can take your relationship at your own pace, but others don’t have to know it. He’s more than happy to pretend to be already married to you. Especially when he’s deployed away from home. And when he comes back, he proudly shows you a tan line on his ring finger, proving he’s been wearing it the whole time.

If someone approaches him and offers him a drink, he scoffs and tells them that HIS MISSUS can buy him his drinks just fine, thank you very much. If you’re there with him, he turns to you and, before the person can walk away, he starts playfully flirting with you, saying you can take him home if you buy him a drink. If you’re for some reason not there, he immediately calls you (or at least texts you if he’s with the lads) and proudly tells you about how clever his response was.

I hope that some loose headcanons like these are alright.

Also, if this happened to you – I'm really sorry and I wish you all the best! And if anyone needs to hear it: remember, the fault is never in the person who got cheated on but the one who cheats. Screw them. You deserve to be treated kindly.

[solselah]

GODDESS MESSAGE

𓋹

PILE 1 :

𖤓HATHOR𖤓

Omg so immediately she wants to work with you as far as transformation is concerned!!! She can empathize and understand your emotional pain and physical Boundaries !! She sees that in love you have been so fucked over. Especially with the cheating and not being honest & non comital in totality she really wants to help usher in a new person , a new energy for you ! Even if they start as one of your closest friends ! She wants you to be Content and balanced !! She’s also letting you know , that person who fumbled you is definitely getting their just do with karma! And it manifest in a very specific way for this person , I’ll tell you now she is the reason why ! She’s teaching a very strong karmic lesson to this person & my love, to you as well! The twin flame card is here but I’m not feeling that energy at all , I’m more so feeling that this illusion has crumbled to pieces !! You wouldn’t even “care” if they were considered your twin flame honestly the hurt to you Goes way beyond a “dynamic” your over it ! And she can so sense it ! It’s up to you to be truthful and open to her if you are or plan on working with her energy ! Just know it’s a journey & also not everything is rainbow and unicorns with her ! She’s going to reveal to you some real sh*t !

𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹

PILE 2:

𓋹 🐈‍⬛ BASTET 🐈‍⬛ 𓋹

Bastet would like to tell you that there is some spiritual conversations going on in the spiritual realm about you !! She is showing up to help you out with your life’s purpose , giving you the push and encouragement you need to actually put yourself out there !! She intends for you to come into union with your passion! The issue here is that you are totally not willing to fully receive ! She is very strict about this message but in order to walk with her on this journey she would like to take with you , you would have to open up just a bit more ! Like you do your part she will do hers !! She also has some secrets she would love to disclose to you !! I’m talking she can be your spiritual ears when you aren’t around ! She has your back !! You just have to be actually willing !!

𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹

PILE 3:

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ NUT ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

okay so this beautiful goddess sends you intense messages not sure if you have put a name to who is sending these messages but I hope this helps !!

You dream and almost instantly forget once you wake up , she is in charge of taking up that empty space !! I think she is proving to you that parts of you are very closed off like even to the point where it has gotten spiritually silent for you ! That is intentional and will not LAST ! But she moves in complete silence when it comes down to it. She wants you to know YOU ARE SO PROTECTED! Don’t you even dare try to question that ! Like to the point you question her she might let a small mishap happen just so you see her energy LIVE IN ACTION !! She is Very big on lessons with you!! She can see future YOU , and honestly you are going places my friend ! So idk if you would officially decide to work with her but I do know she is there & around ! It’s like she is your encourager someone on the “sideline” for you spiritually!

𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹

PILE 4:

𓍝 MAAT 𓍝

“Give me the energy “

You could be so “bleh” right now like things just don’t seem worth being excited over, for you! She wants to bring you to a grounded space ! It’s obvious you aren’t the same person that you were like last year emotionally ! And she can see you doing better if you were to focus on your emotionally health ! Like she even encourages therapy or a tool that you can utilize to express exactly how you feel ! She also would love to just hear from you ; she can be that for you ! That support.

Although she will tell the truth EVERY TIME! And it may sting real bad , it’s imperative so that you can get up out of this state. It feels good to you right now but she can sense other things that you may not be able to at the moment. So she’s here to ground you , help put your feet on solid ground!!! I also see incense she may want you to burn some for her !! Also I’m getting heavy Aquarius energy along with Uranus energy !! She is highlighting a spiritual cleanse you may need to do !!

𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹

Hope you enjoy ❤️

IG:@soleccentric

[lxvebun]

You say I stole your dreams. You stole my heart

synopsis: Suguru comes to visit you one last time

content: Suguru Geto x gender neutral reader. Angst/comfort (?) It's a happy ending in a way but a little angsty. Even after all these years he is still a little lovesick for you<3 cultish/canon!Geto. Around 1k words. Perhaps a little rushed? Eng is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes!♡

“You shouldn’t be here” You don’t speak his name, afraid of what might bubble up if you do. Afraid it will stain your lips as silky and sweetly as it did back then. No, you keep your voice cold, trying to mask your emotions. Perhaps if you pretend you don’t feel anything looking at him, here standing in your doorway, eyes remarkably soft for someone so adept at killing as drinks you in, perhaps then you can convince your heart to stop trying to break out of your chest to get to his own.

“I know,” he begins. You sense a little hesitation in his voice. his eyes leave yours again to trace over your features, taking in all the details and changes he has missed over the years. You were always beautiful to him, but seeing you now bathed in the moonlight coming from the window behind you, hair a little messy from the sleep he has no doubt pulled you from, he’s pretty sure he’s in the presence of an angel.  God's could you get any more beautiful.

(His heart twists cruelly at him. Upset that the opportunity of waking up next to you like this, moonlight replaced by golden sunlight, has slipped right through his fingers all those years ago)

“I just wanted to see you, Y\N”  For what might be the last time part of him wants to add. The stronger part of him, the love he still carries for you in his heart won’t let him hurt you more than he already has. But he knows that you know he wouldn’t show up here unless something was nagging and eating away at his resolve.

Even after all these years he still has such a profound affect on you. The butterflies you thought had starved and died out are fluttering around again as if your insides have grown new gardens and flora at the sight of him, at the way your name leaves his lips still as soft and honeyed as you remember. Vines twisting around your ribs, deep blood-red roses blooming strongly against your heart, and an arrangement of wildflowers sprouting from your lungs. While it’s a beautiful feeling of nostalgia dripping with lost love, you cannot breathe anymore.

The logical thing to do right now is to close the door in his face and send him away back into the night, into the shadows he has grown familiar with over the years. You don’t, can’t. Even when your hands are itching to do so, make him feel at least a fragment of how you felt when he left. Like all the stars in the sky had been blotted out, as if they had no reason to shine anymore without him.

“I’m not going to invite you in’’ you say instead and lean against the open door. It widens slightly under your weight, allowing him a glimpse into your living room. It’s nice, cozy. Dark wooden bookcases lining the wall. Numerous soft throw blankets on your couch and lazy chair. Pictures of you and your friends line the walls, stretching from the living room into the kitchen. Plants on your windowsill along with snuffed-out incense and a lit tea candle casting a warm orange glow behind itself onto a picture of you and him. A little altar of sorts.

Maybe it’s sick of him to feel this way, especially since you’re not mourning him but someone from the past, a Suguru Geto that he only catches glimpses of when the sun shines his brightest,  but seeing him upon an altar of warmth that you made for him makes him feel a little more at peace for what’s next to come. For when you do finally close this door and he walks out into the world he still shares with you, for one last time.

He takes a step closer but doesn’t cross the boundary of your doorframe. His voice is soft, whispered, luring you in to meet him halfway without crossing over.

“I don't regret the path I've chosen, and I expected that I would have to walk it alone. The only thing that weighs spine-breakingly heavy on my shoulders is that I never told you how much I admired you, how much I loved you”

Your faces are close enough to feel his breath fawn over your face, a phantom kiss that lingers on your skin. For a second it feels like you’ve stepped into another dimension entirely, a blurred line between the past and the present.

"I love you"

You should be angry, upset, and push him away but oddly enough your heart beats a little calmer at his words, he manages to pull a real genuine smile from you

(he takes a mental picture of it. One he feels he’ll revisit soon)

You step away from the invisible line that separates you two, step back into the warmth of your home, smile still on your lips. He follows and steps back into the cold hallway with flickering lights, shoulders less tense than before.

Your hand rests on your doorknob again. There’s no itching this time. No pressure to push him away or close it too soon. You’re okay with remembering him like this.

"I hope that whatever you decide to do next, wherever you go next, you feel at peace, Suguru"

( you were correct, his name still stains your mouth all too sweet)

The last thing you see is a calm smile on his face and a gentle nod before you close the door. Listening as you hear him walk away, through the hallway, down the stairs out the apartment complex doors.

You walk towards your window, the one behind the plants and makeshift altar with a candle that burns a little brighter now. Not because you’re hoping to catch one more glimpse of him, he has already melted back into the shadows anyway. You’re looking outside through the tree branches, up towards a bright moon and clusters of stars, knowing that this was his Goodbye, knowing that this night is most likely the last you’ll share under the same starry sky.

[turtletaubwrites]

Does That Work For You, Needy? ~ Part 3

Pairing: Zoro x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,283

This is part 3 of the Series 'We've All Got Needs,' linked below:

We've All Got Needs Masterlist

Ao3 Series Link

Summary: You try to establish the boundaries of the relationship. Zoro gives some mixed signals while he shows you who you should be craving.

Rating/Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content, Reader Insert, Fem!Reader, 18+ Only, MDNI, Smut, Rough Sex, Penis in Vagina Sex, Hair Pulling, Cunnilingus, Swearing, Casual Sex, Praise Kink, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Condoms, Aftercare, Oral Sex, Shameless Smut, lil angst, Possessive Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Pet Names, Biting, Dom Zoro, Friends with Benefits, Crewmates with Benefits, Zoro's a straight to the point kinda guy and we love that

A/N: Hey y’all! I hope you don’t mind, I gave our reader just the tiniest bit of backstory/motivation. I thought I could write plotless, one shot smut, so I didn’t give her anything before, but now my brain is going wild so 🤷 Hope you like it, I’m already having a lot of fun with the next one! 😊

“Well, we, uh…”

Zoro’s brow furrowed, and it looked like he was struggling to figure out what to say. You’d asked to clarify the boundaries of your casual relationship. He looked way too confused. You decided to go easy on him, and help him out.

“So we’re just friends, just crew mates, that help each other out with certain, uh, urges?”

You’d started out fine, but at your last few words he’d turned that knowing smile your way. 

You shrugged it off, and continued.

“Is that right?”

“Yup, that’s right. Crew mates. With extra benefits.”

You held in a soft gasp as his hand reached out under the kitchen table to stroke your thigh.

“Hold on, we’re not done.”

He still looked confused, but stopped and waited for you.

“I like our arrangement.”

“I’d say ‘like’ is an understatement, needy girl.”

You fought your blush at his smug fucking face, and pushed on. 

“We are members of this crew first, and we can’t let our feelings get in the way.”

He nodded, truly listening now. 

“We need to be very clear with each other what we are and aren’t comfortable with if we’re going to keep doing this.”

“What do you mean?”

You wanted to shake the man, but threw out an example.

“Since we aren’t seeing each other, will we feel comfortable if the other person has sex with or sees someone else.”

“Oh, uh…”

Zoro looked taken aback for a moment, as if he hadn’t thought about that at all. You kept your smile in while he weighed his thoughts. 

“I mean, if we’re docked somewhere, and you meet someone you’d like to sleep with until we leave, I’d be okay with that. You should probably tell me first so I don’t hunt you down, and accidentally fuck you in their bed.”

You wanted to flick that self satisfied smile off his cute fucking face.

“As if you could even find me without getting lost.”

He raised his brows, leaning toward you in a mock challenge. 

“Fuck, Zoro, you’re making this difficult.”

He sat back, grinning like a cat with cream.

“I don’t know, I’m having a pretty good time. What about you? How would you feel if I found a good fuck on a random island now and then?”

You took your time with the question, making sure you weren’t rushing into a boat load of pain.

“I’m good with it right now. But we need to agree that if either of us starts to feel uncomfortable or hurt, we need to talk about it, and reassess.”

Zoro nodded slowly, standing up from the table, then smirked.

“Sounds good, Needy. But I don’t think anything would stop you from begging for this dick.”

You wanted to laugh or feign outrage, but you watched as he slid his hand up his thigh and grabbed his hard cock, the shape of it now obvious through his pants. 

He moved toward you, leaning on his hand on the table, then hovered over your ear to give a low whisper. 

“I’m going to fuck you so hard, you won’t be able to walk, let alone go looking for another fuck.”

You gasped under him, feeling wetness already pooling as your core twisted with anticipation. 

“Does that work for you, Needy?”

Your voice was breathy, but you still managed to argue. 

“You are not giving me that nickname, Cocky.”

“Oh, but that’s exactly why you’re so needy. Because my cock drives you crazy, doesn’t it?”

You tried to laugh and keep joking, but he’d grabbed your wrist. Zoro made you palm his length, already so achingly hard. 

You tried to hold it in, but you let out a soft moan, your eyes rolling up a bit. He chuckled down at you, and you clenched your jaw. I’m going to pay him back one of these days. 

He licked the shell of your ear, making you twitch before he continued his sinful whispers. 

“Tell me how much you want me to fuck you right now.”

You pretended to be considering, not sure what your answer would be. 

“Don’t lie, pretty girl. Aren’t we here to be honest with each other.”

You shivered at the slight threat ringing his words, then looked into his dark, brown eyes.

“I need you to fuck me right now.”

Zoro grabbed your hair with a growl and slammed his mouth onto yours, invading you with his tongue.

You gave him desperate whimpers that he ate up, but you pushed his shoulders back.

He stepped back, looking dazed, but waited for your words.

“I thought we’d discussed that the kitchen wasn’t a secure location.”

You almost giggled at repeating the serious phrase he’d used. Then a yelp escaped you as he grabbed your arm, and yanked you from the table. 

“Come on.”

You followed Zoro to his quarters, which was pretty much just a storage closet with a hammock. 

This had been your main spot to help each other out, but you had to be extra quiet since it was sandwiched between Luffy and Usopp’s rooms. Timing your entrance and exits was also a fun exercise in sleuthing. 

Zoro had already charged in, no doubt already nude, and touching himself as he waited for you.

That thought sent delicious chills down your body while you waited for your moment.

Then you paused. What the fuck am I doing?

All your years of struggling, honing your skills, of becoming confident, and determined to follow your dreams. Now you get to travel on the Grand Line, discovering new plants, and helping Chopper turn them into medicines or poisons, or even beauty products that Nami and Robin enjoyed. You would become the world’s best botanist, and discover the most incredible and rare plants. You were out on your own, making a name for yourself.

But now this green haired fucker could turn you into a whimpering mess so easily. Sometimes with just a look. You didn’t want to do anything to mess with your dream, with your new crew. What if this ruins everything?

You remembered his rough hand in your hair at the kitchen table, his eyes that promised pain and pleasure. I’m fucked.

You ignored your doubts, and listened. Not hearing a sound, you crept in, locking the door behind you. 

Zoro was sitting on the floor against the wall, stroking himself while his eyes burned through you. You wasted no time in stripping for him.

He stood and quickly pulled you against him, leaving you gasping at the feel of his shaft along your stomach. He kept his voice hushed as he teased you. 

“I can’t believe what a needy little pussy you have.”

You moaned as he stroked along your jaw and neck while he whispered.

“You really think my cock isn’t enough to satisfy you?”

“Zo-Zoro, I-“

“I’m gonna prove you wrong.”   You lost your balance as Zoro knelt, but he caught you by your hips before plunging his tongue into your folds, licking up the evidence of your need for his touch. He pulled back with a wicked smile. 

“Lay down.”

You nodded, shaking as you set yourself on the wooden floor. 

“Show me that tasty cunt of yours, Y/N. I’m gonna ruin it for anyone else.”

His words caused your mind to twinge, but your body to ache. You spread for him, running your hands along your thighs, wishing he’d hurry it up. You couldn’t help the desperate noises you made as you watched him drag a condom onto his swollen shaft. 

“Fuck me, Zoro. I wanna feel you.”

His satisfied smile made your eyes roll back as he brought his face closer to where you needed him. 

“I know you do.”

His chuckle rumbled through you as he kissed your clit, dragging his tongue along your folds, playing and sucking at the bundle of nerves. 

Your hands grabbed for something, anything to hold onto. You pulled one of his shirts toward you, stuffing it between your teeth as you arched your back. Zoro was rarely this soft, but he kept pushing your limits as he sucked you harder, biting your clit until you shook. He laughed at you, sending shivers of vibration through you, and you wanted to kick his smug face, as long as he didn’t fucking stop.

Zoro teased his fingers along your entrance, wetting them before shoving two inside you. You whimpered as you tried to keep quiet, his long fingers digging deep until they curled around that sweet spot inside of you. 

He played with you, and you felt so very close. Zoro pulled his lips away while his fingers kept up their attack, and he breathed along your skin. 

“Tell me how this feels.”

You pulled the cloth from your lips, panting with the need for him to keep going. 

“It f-feels amazing. Gods, it feels so good.”

He kissed and licked along your thigh, giving a small bite. 

“Who’s making you feel like this?”

“You are, Zoro. You feel… unf, so…”

“That’s right, Y/N. Say you don’t want anyone else in this greedy cunt but me.”

Your mind was almost lost to him, but you didn’t want him to use this to win again. Not when you weren’t sure what he meant by his demands. 

But you didn’t have much strength to do anything, let alone argue, so you just clamped your mouth shut.

Zoro moved to lean over your face, his feral gaze making you clench around his fingers.

“Mm, I felt that, Y/N. Your body knows what you need. Say it. Say my cock is the only one your hungry pussy wants.”

Your breathing hitched, but you held his gaze with your mouth shut.

He gave an evil laugh.

“Oh, you’re a glutton for punishment, aren’t you?”

You held in your yelp as Zoro roughly grabbed you, flipping you around. You scrambled to support yourself on your elbows and knees while he used one hand to shove his shirt into your mouth again, and used the other to circle your entrance, before thrusting into you.

This angle with his long cock was almost too much, and his rhythm and force had you seeing stars, chewing on his shirt to muffle your screams. You moaned and whimpered under his force, and tried to hold onto sanity while he shoved himself harder, deeper, and faster with each push.

Zoro kept one hand on your hip, using it as leverage to slam into you. He snaked his other hand around now to play with your clit.

Your toes curled as you shook under him, a few more punishing thrusts against your g spot and cervix sending you over the edge. You couldn’t support yourself on your arms anymore, and you fell to the floor as you came undone. 

“That’s my needy little girl, keep coming on this cock for me.”

You moaned with your face dragging on the wooden floor. You wanted to tell him it was too much as your orgasm ripped through you, but you couldn’t move to take the cloth out of your mouth. 

Zoro kept fucking you just as hard through your climax, and you felt like you were going to explode from it all.

“It’s.. too- mmm”

You’d pushed the fabric out of your mouth with your tongue while you twitched, but that was all you could make out while he continued. 

“Nah, kitten. You can take it.”

Your eyes rolled back again, and Zoro shoved his shirt back in your mouth just in time for another orgasm. You could feel your skin dragging along the wooden floor, but it just added to the overwhelming explosion that pulsed through you. 

You finally felt Zoro falter as he groaned above you. 

“Fuuck, your pussy is fucking sweet, baby. You take this cock so- unh so well, Needy girl.”

Tears were streaming from your eyes as you felt his release, his pulsing only making you clench more. 

You whimpered as he pulled away from you, then felt his strong hands turning you over. 

His brows furrowed when he saw your face, and he swept his fingers along your cheek while he pulled the fabric out of your mouth. 

“You okay, Y/N?”

You tried to laugh, but all that came out was a huff of air. 

You gave him a nod, and he narrowed his eyes, but moved away to remove the very full condom. You gasped as you watched him, and he raised his brows before coming toward you with a hoarse whisper. 

“Seriously, Y/N. After all that, you still want more?”

You tried to still, but you couldn’t help your labored breathing at the thought of him. 

Shaking his head, Zoro wrapped you in his blanket, and set a pillow under you. His touch was awkward, but gentle. 

“Guess I have more work to do.”

You shivered at his promise/threat, but gasped as he laid down. He set his head on your lap, and closed his eyes.

“Wake me up later, I’ll carry you to your room when everyone’s asleep.”

You stared at him, wanting to talk about everything. You wanted to know if his possessive behavior was just a sex thing. Otherwise, he was sending you very mixed signals. 

You were still slightly twitching and aching from all he’d done to you. 

Closing your eyes, you tried to think about your goals and your dreams, outside of this tiny, steamy room. 

Well, there’s no rare plants to discover on the ship. Guess I can enjoy this for at least a little while longer. 

Zoro was already snoring and you tried to keep your laughter quiet. 

I guess this works, for now. 

Thank You For Reading! 💜

TurtleTaub Fanfic Masterlist

Part 4: My Needy Girl

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[spookwyrdie]

👋🏻 heyyy so I was watching some of Skz old content and I kinda noticed how shy Seungmin gets when he's made to do something like dance alone in front of everyone or do aegyo or something. And I'm a huge fan of sub Minnie🤤 so I was wondering if you'd be open to write a fic where he's made to wear a remote controlled vibrator on his cock (and maybe one in his ass too😉) out in public or to dance practice or something that means it'd be a while before he gets to go back home and reader just playing with him and teasing him throughout the whole thing and maybe asking one of the members to record his reactions and send it to you. And like what if Minnie knew that the others were aware of his ✨ predicament ✨ and he's even more embarrassed, trying to keep quiet and act unaffected but you and him both know hes wayy to sensitive for that. 🤭🤭 Just love how red his face and ears get when he's shy or flustered. You're my fav smut author here and I ADORE🥰 your sub skz fics soo much and I'd really love to read this idea in your writing but it's okay if you don't want to. Have a good day/afternoon/night❤️😘

Anon! When I say I thought about this all day, I mean I thought about this ALL DAY.

Here it is!

Only Wanna Be With You~

sub!Seungmin x domme!reader

warnings: smut, sexual content, exhibitionism, public play, vibrators, edging

summary: You and Seungmin hang out at a karaoke bar to unwind, but you have a plan for him. Can he keep his cool in public?

word: 1.5k

a/n: I laughed very hard when Seungmin did this cover at one of their concerts, so I obviously had to add it. I also was thinking about a vibe like this one, in case anyone was curious. <3

You look up from your position on your knees, Seungmin’s cock in your hand as you adjust the cock ring to fit snugly against his groin, “I’m going to ask for the thousandth time, are you sure about this, Minnie?” 

“Y/n, I might be a little nervous but like... I think this’ll be fun.” A blush dusts his cheeks, thinking about handing over such an intimate type of control in public. He’s wearing a silicone cock ring with a vibrator that sits up against his perineum. Just knowing that it's there plus the constant light pressure is enough to twitch against the silicone.  

“Okay, you remember what we talked about, if you want to stop?” 

“Yeah, I snap my fingers at least 3 times,” he says. 

“Good,” you stand, taking his balls in one hand and pressing the motionless vibrator up towards his perineum. He grunts in surprise, the gentle squeeze is enough to have his hips bucking towards you, his hands grab your shoulders to steady his weight. 

You two have been getting together for a few weeks now, learning what the other likes, talking about boundaries, and what sorts of kink you’re both interested in trying. This is one of the first nights where you’re testing the waters, seeing how a little secret exhibitionism feels for him.  

The two of you arrive at the dive bar where you meet the rest of the guys. Celebrating the end of the semester, you all decided a shitty little dive bar on a karaoke night would be a great way to let off some steam. When you walk in, Hyunjin waves you over.  

“We got one of the best booths in the whole place!” he shouts over someone butchering a Lady Gaga song. You slide in next to Hyunjin, Seungmin pressed up against your side. The tablet at the table with a drink list and the karaoke sign-up sheet is shoved in front of your face.  

“Pick one! Everyone is required to do at least one song!” Han shouts over the table. “I’ll buy you a drink if you do something sexy!” 

“You’ll have to buy me a drink BEFORE I do a sexy song!” you laugh.  

You peruse the drink list, grab a couple of beers for you and Seungmin, and mull over the list of songs. Seungmin tries to look over your shoulder while you choose, but you cover the screen with your hand. You give him a playful smile and pass the tablet to him, running your hand up his thigh as he chooses his song.  

Han’s name flashes up on the screen, “Oh shit, MY TURN!” He bounds up to the little stage, pulls the microphone out of the stand, and “Pony” by Ginuwine starts playing. Han is living it up, hip thrusting and doing body rolls, while the table laughs. You sneak your phone out of your pocket and open the app for the remote control. 

Seungmin’s whole body lurches forward as if being electrocuted, his moan covered by the bass from the song. The vibrations shudder through him so hard, the shock from not giving him a warning makes his cock twitch in time with his heartbeat. He grabs your free hand and clamps it in his, rutting his hips into the worn pleather seat below him. Each roll of his hips presses the vibrator further into the sensitive area behind his balls. His head rolls onto your shoulder, whining into your neck. 

“I’ve barely turned the thing on, baby, and you’re already such a mess,” you chuckle in his ear. Pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek as he squirms in his seat. You look across the table, catching Changbin’s eyes as he appraises your situation. He gives you a knowing smirk. 

“Seungmin!” he calls out. Seungmin’s head snaps up, a panicked look in his eyes. “What song did you pick?” 

“I- I picked...” he slams his eyes shut as you amp up the vibrations. The way his face contorts, biting his lip to keep his moans from spilling out, has you salivating.  

You turn your head towards Changbin, meeting his smirk with one of your own, “You’ll just have to wait until it’s his turn to find out.” 

After a few minutes toying with Seungmin, you turn off the vibrator. Your name flashes up on the screen, and you shoo him out of the way to go up for your song. Seungmin’s legs are like jelly, so it takes him a moment to get his bearings.  

You go up to the little stage and your song starts playing. As the intro plays, you notice the boys leering at Seungmin, poking fun at the very obvious hard time he’s having. He looks up at you as you start singing, and you hold his gaze. 

Going with tonight’s theme, you chose a sexy song - “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls. It’s true, you don’t want anyone else, you sing directly at Seungmin. He’s blushing for a different reason, his jaw on the floor as you confidently sway your hips and run your hands down your body while you sing a song about masturbation directly to your boy and his new little toy.  

During the guitar solo, you fish your phone out of your pocket again and turn on the vibrator again. This time, you take your thumb and match the beat of your song with as you play with the intensity of the vibrations. Seungmin looks like he’s trying to catch his breath, leaning back into the cushion of the booth again, his hands balled into fists on the table. The rest of the boys are chuckling at him, Felix going so far as to whip out his phone and snap a few photos of Seungmin’s agony. 

Your song ends and you turn off the vibrator again, shooting Seungmin a devilish smile. The entire table cheers louder than the rest of the bar. You mosey back over to your table, and you get an eyeful of exactly how red Seungmin has gotten. His ears are so bright, and his cheeks look like they’ve been slapped. You run your fingers through his hair and bend down to whisper in his ear, “Your turn, baby.” 

He looks up at you in confusion, his eyes practically glazed over. You peck him on the lips then point to the stage where the screen is flashing his name. You grab his arm and pull him out of his seat. He wobbles a bit as you push him towards the stage. He grabs the mic stand to steady himself as his song starts. 

“Hootie and the Blowfish?” The whole table giggles at his 90’s soft rock choice. Seungmin glares at the table as he catches your eye. He sings directly to you, adding a little snark to the lyrics. You look back at him, tongue running over your teeth as you hold up your phone again. His eyes go wide. 

“There’s nothin’ I can do, I only wanna be with yo- Uuuungh" he groans out as you turn the vibe up to the highest setting all at once. Somehow, he still finds his singing voice enough to continue the song. Sometimes his voice shakes a little when you bounce the intensity up and down on his vibe, an outline of his cock visible in his dark pants. His cheeks and ears are blazing red, his eyes flutter with arousal and concentration. You can tell he’s holding back, focusing on keeping his hips still. You still notice him convulse every few seconds, his pelvis jerking forward at the change in the vibrator’s speed.  

During the last part of the chorus, you turn the vibe all the way back up and Seungmin literally falls to his knees, masking his moan as the final note to sing. The bar cheers, especially your table, stomping their feet at his performance. He places the mic back on the stand and walks back to the table trembling.  

You're beaming with pride as you watch him return to the booth, unsteady on his feet. He stops right in front of you, grabs your arms and pulls you up, wrapping you in his embrace. He pulls you tight to his body, crashing his lips to yours, engulfing you in a kiss. You barely hear the other boys cooing at you, making kissy noises in your direction. 

“Home. Now. I need you,” he pants out, pressing his cock into your thigh.  

“Aw, Minnie, you’re so worked up,” you say as you lean your forehead against his. Your phone is still in your hand. You take your thumb, moving the intensity of the vibe back up. Seungmin buries his face in your neck, muffling the guttural cry that rips out of his throat as his hips thrust into your thigh. 

“GET A ROOM!” everyone at the table shouts.  

You grip onto the back of Seungmin’s hair, pulling his face gently away from your neck. Tears welling up in his lashes. He just looks so pathetic, eyes pleading for release. 

“Alright, let’s get you home,” you say as you smile sweetly and turn off the vibe. He sags in your arms. You lift his head once again, kissing him so gently. 

“That doesn’t mean I’m finished with you yet.” 

[aibloomie]

SWEET + RANDOM RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

ft :: xiao, diluc, yoimiya x gn!reader

wrote these like a year ago and I barely found them </3 also omg yoimiya I love her so much I need her to be my girlfriend

XIAO

━ he finds it cute when you're fascinated by random things. like the times where you're walking alongside him and find yourself distracted by a harmless insect you have never seen before. with a scoff, he'll step towards you, "that could be dangerous you know?" but once you have your back turned, his eyes will soften with adoration over the way you find beauty in everything. you're the reason he has began to appreciate the little things in his excruciating long life. plus, there's absolutely no way he'd let you touch anything if he knew it was dangerous in the first place.

━ adepti don't require any sleep, but if he isn't needed anywhere, xiao will lay beside you until you have fallen asleep. depending on how far you are in the relationship and the boundaries you have established, he might even hold you and soothe you to sleep. he doesn't want his lover to come home to an empty bed, much less have to wonder why they're all alone. and on the frequent nights when he can't be there, he'll check in on you every once in a while throughout the night, before vanishing once more to attend to his duties.

━ sometimes he comes back from his travels with gifts for you, he usually brings them when you're asleep so he can simply put them on a counter and spare himself from the embarrassment of ACTUALLY facing you and giving them to you directly. sometimes it's a pretty flower or sort of plant that reminded him of your beauty. other times it's a crystal or fruit that you recently mentioned.

DILUC

━ you could ask diluc to draw a straight line or to bring you a glass filled to the brink and he'd have no problem doing the task, his hands are steady. perhaps that's the main reason why you always feel so at ease when he gently holds your hips. diluc would feel prideful over how quickly you relax and feel safe with his touch.

━ it could be due to having a pyro vision, but his hands are always warm. do you have goosebumps from the sheer cold or maybe a chilly breeze that grazed your skin? you can always come to him, the feeling of his hands flush against your body will have you warming up in no time. you wouldn't even need gloves during the winter time, you can rely on him instead.

━ he doesn't mind if you accompany him to places he needs to go. in fact, he'll find himself smiling a little whenever he's working and lifts his gaze up, only to see you sitting on a bar stool near him. whenever there aren't any customers needing anything, he'll turn all his attention over to you. whenever he has to deal with the frustration of kaeya so smugly entering the tavern, he can just glance over at you and feel all of his anger subsiding.

YOIMIYA

— it's highly probable that she's the one who confessed to you! she's upfront about her feelings and doesn't like secrecy or the idea of being held back by being unable to communicate. her boldness overpowers everything even if she's really nervous, so if you're shy or struggle with speaking then don't worry! she'll be your voice

— she can literally talk about you for hours whenever your name is brought up. even if you are someone who wasn't initially well known, you'll gain a lot of popularity since yoimiya speaks highly of you and will declare her feelings for you to everyone she knows

— many of the kids in inazuma look up to her, so since you guys are together so often they'll begin seeing you as parental figures.

— it'll take a while for her to tell her dad that she's in a relationship with you since she wants to make sure he'll actually be able to hear, even if it means she has to yell a lot. however, she's so enthusiastic! she adores her dad and wants him to know <3

"hey dad! this is my—" she waved her arms around before cupping her hands together and putting them on the sides of her mouth to make her voice louder. "dad! dad!...dad! ugh...it's no use, maybe we can tell him another time yeah?"

— you'll be able to tell she has a lot on her mind whenever she's silent or when she gazes off into the sky. yoimiya will definitely make a firework that's exclusive to the two of you! if you're ever away on a journey then she'll light one up and smile upon reminiscing memories she cherishes with you.

[dancingtotuyo]

Kryptonite | Dave York x Reader | One Shot

Rating: EXPLICIT/Mature

Summary: Running into Dave York changes your life and unleashes a new part of yourself.

Inspired by Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down

Tags: dark!Dave York, infidelity, Germany, song fic

Warnings: infidelity, violence and descriptions of violence, death (not Dave or reader), descriptions of blood, murder, self defense, explicit smut (p in v), oral sex (both m & f receiving), heavy groping, choking, smacking/hitting in a sexual manner, knife play, power dynamics, use of “daddy” in a sexual manner (minimal), consensual sex, possible dub con, cream pie

Notes: I wrote this one for the LOML @janaispunk for Christmas 🫶, though you won’t find it filled with Christmas festivities! Huge shout out to @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin for listening to my ideas, reading through it, and being an overall huge encourager!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PAY EXTRA ATTENTION TO WARNINGS ON THIS ONE

Words: 7160

THIS STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT CONTENT AND DARK THEMES. IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR THOSE UNDER 18 YEARS OF AGE. MINORS PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT

“I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.”

Dave York isn’t a bad guy. If one were to give him a chance, he would explain how he’s actually one of the good guys. He’s simply standing up for those who have been wronged by the fucked up system that abandoned the ones who do the dirty work. It’s all conjecture. How he rationalizes it all away. How he lets himself sleep at night, and go home to his wife and beautiful daughters. He does this for them. He isn’t a bad guy.

Yet, even he starts to see through his bullshit. He won’t admit it, but it’s getting harder to sleep at night. Tonight is one of those nights. That’s how he finds himself wandering the streets of a German city he can’t remember the name of.

The air is just verging on chilly, the breeze whipping at his typically well-kempt hair. He usually keeps to the shadows when he’s managing his side business, worried about being picked up on a camera, but it’s late now. He keeps out of the street lights, the stars shielded by the light pollution.

He inhales deeply. This time tomorrow he’ll be on a flight back to the States and slide into bed next to his wife. He’ll wake up, make lunch for the girls, and take them to school. The perfect all-American family. Dave loves them. His girls are his world. He is doing this for them. Every smile and giggle makes this all worth it. Alice and Molly deserve the world. Sometimes, he wonders if his wife knows. Carol hasn’t said anything, but sometimes he catches her just staring at him. Logic says she just loves him. How many times early on in their life together had he done the same thing? How long has it been since he looked at her with that awe?

If he’s honest, Dave doesn’t give his marriage much thought anymore. It’s something that’s just there like two planets orbiting each other but never intersecting. It’s something that’s just part of the persona of Dave York. The version of him his friends and family know. He is starting to wonder if that man still exists. He’s found himself feeling freer during his “work trips” than he does at home.

If it weren’t for his girls…

Dave can’t finish the thought as he collides with a woman in a blue dress and billowing feather boas wrapped around her neck. You.

“Oh shit!” Dave’s hands shoot out, steadying your form, one on each shoulder.

You let out a soft snort quickly covering it with a giggle. “Oh my god.” You try to sober but fail before another giggle takes over. You buzz with the carefree energy of someone a couple drinks into the evening but not wasted.

Any words forming in Dave’s head die there. Your eyes sparkle with mischief. Your smile leaves him stunned. He’s seen his fair share of women even as a married man, but never crossed the boundary of infidelity. Dave doesn’t label what is about to happen as infidelity because right now he isn’t Dave York from Arlington, Virginia, father to two and husband. Right now, he’s Dave York private gun for hire, or Patrick Smith born in Pennsylvania if you looked at his passport.

“I’m sorry,” you say. Dave’s hands don’t move from your shoulders. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Dave flashes a smile, the same one he used to pick up Carol years ago, but she’s the furthest thing from his mind right now. “I should be more aware of my surroundings. Especially with such a beautiful woman about.”

Your cheeks flush with heat. He has a sneaking suspicion that it’s not from the alcohol in your system. Dave has never been above sweet-talking to get his way during his time with the agency. “You’re American.”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Dave winks. You laugh. Dave swears he could listen to that sound every day if given the chance. “But are you with anyone? It’s late. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you out here all alone.”

You tilt your head to the side, life glowing in your eyes. Whether you’re always like this or it’s all alcohol-induced, Dave doesn’t know, but he wants to find out. He needs to know.

“And I’m supposed to trust you, Mr. America.”

He chuckles, looking up at the sky for a moment before bringing his gaze back to you. He can’t stop taking you in. You feel like a breath of fresh air in his stifling life. He smiles, the first time he’s felt fully himself in possibly years. “My name is Dave.”

You glance between his hand and his face, sussing out if he is trustworthy. He seems so, comes across as genuine. He’s a bit older than you, but handsome nonetheless with big brown eyes and the sincerity of a well-raised child.

You inhale deeply, choosing to be a little wreckless for once and jump head first into something. What’s the worst that could happen? You take his hand.

“I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon.”

It’s probably a stupid choice, but Dave gives you his number. His real number. He doesn't have enough time to see you again before he leaves Germany and he isn’t ready to let this go yet. He escorts you safely to your apartment, chatting idly over the 10-minute walk and the 30 minutes you spend on the front stoop. As he goes to leave, you stand on tiptoes, pressing your lips against his. In return, he pushes you against the front door, hands roaming up your sternum. You giggle at him like a smitten schoolgirl and hand him your phone.

Dave has a second number. He could’ve given you that one. He probably should have, but he wants easier access. He risks it. Dave is not a careless man, but he leans into the easiness of it in the moment. He kisses you again before leaving, much more chastely this time. He promises to see you next time he’s in town. He tells you he does business in Germany often. It won’t be long.

His veins buzzed with electricity the whole walk back to his apartment, his body alive in a way that feels almost supernatural. As he crosses the threshold, his phone pings with a text from an unknown number. Dave knows who it is before he looks at the text.

Over the next two weeks, Dave finds himself instantly reaching for his phone with each ping. The time difference is a pain in the ass but sometimes works in Dave’s favor. Like when Carol is sound asleep and you’re wide awake across the sea.

When the call comes through from a contact that they’re ready to move in on a target in Germany, Dave almost jumps up in celebration. He’s never hit the tarmac with his bags packed so fast. He tacks on a couple extra days to visit you.

Those extra days can’t come soon enough. He always prides himself on his ability to compartmentalize. He can tune out the rest of the world, get a job done with the precision of the assassin he is, and return to life as if nothing happened, but this time, he finds himself rushing through the process, eager to get to the finish line, eager to get to you.

However, when the night of the hit comes, he slips right into Dave York The Killer, cold, heartless, robotic. The crew is smaller this trip, the target not as high profile, but still a big payout. He forces himself to stay steady, forces himself not to speed through his progressions. The team doesn’t notice a difference in him. He takes that as a good sign. The target is asleep, alone, thank god.

Dave slides the knife into the victim’s chest. He’s lying if he says he doesn’t find a particular beauty in it. The firm pressure, the slice of the knife, the crimson blood. It’s always a rush, the planning, the practice, the kill, and Dave enjoys it all. This particular hit sends an extra rush of pleasure through his veins.

He takes the train to get to you, fighting the urge to show up on your doorstep in the wee hours of the morning. Dave York is not a patient man, but he somehow manages, pacing his hotel room still as he buzzes with the high of the night’s hit and the excitement of seeing you in the morning. You recommended meeting at a small cafe, but as Dave lays awake with the sun peeking through the curtains, he decides to surprise you at the apartment.

Dave has to force himself not to rush, which seems to be becoming a theme with him. He makes himself a cup of coffee in the hotel room and sits down drinking every drop until he can’t stand to wait any longer, leaving his hotel 30 minutes before he needs to.

Dave could’ve taken time to enjoy the city in daylight. He spends so much of his time in these destinations under the cover of darkness, missing the beauty, but he doesn't. He wants to believe he keeps to his training, keeping an eye out for someone following him and staying out of the view of cameras, but the truth is, he’s completely unaware of it all. His sole purpose is to get to you.

When your apartment building comes into view, he finally slows, aware of how early he is. Hell, he’s supposed to meet you there.

One of your curtains is open, giving him a faraway view into your apartment. Dave has fully accepted that he’s verging into creep territory, but he doesn’t care. It’s been two weeks since he’s laid eyes on you. That’s two weeks too long for him.

He holds his breath, waiting in anticipation for a glimpse of you, patience dwindling within a few minutes of waiting. The anticipation grows into anxiety. Did he come to the wrong building? That’s impossible. Dave never forgets places, even if he did, he would never forget yours. Are you home? Did you forget? He studies the window searching for any evidence of life. Has something happened to you? Oh god, has someone connected the two of you? Figured out his whole facade? He has half a mind to break down the door and go in guns blazing.

His phone pings. It’s the only thing that could break his concentration. Your name pops up, granting him instant relief.

See you in 20?

He smiles, glancing back up toward the window. You are okay. Everything is okay because Dave is a smart man. He knows how to cover his tracks, and you are a sacred treasure he wants to keep all to himself. He will hide you away, protect you from it all.

He catches the subtle flutter of the curtains. The world around him becomes nonexistent as his full attention is pulled toward the window. She moves into view, head whipping around as you search for a specific item. He smiles, all of the anxiety leaving his body.

Instead of responding via text, he hits the call button. The dial tone plays against his ear. She moves out of view, no doubt searching for her cell.

“Hello?”

A smile overtakes his face. Dave can’t remember the last time one did so effortlessly. “Look out your window, Darling.”

His voice sits low in his chest, sending shivers through your body. You pull back the curtain. Dave waves down below. “Are you stalking me now?”

“It’s not stalking if you showed me where you live.”

You bite back your smile, heat gathering in your cheeks. “We were supposed to meet there.”

“I couldn’t wait.”

“Give me two minutes.” You say and the line goes dead.

Dave watches you zip away from the window. The swinging of the curtains is the only indication you were ever there. His chest tightens as he waits. Dave York considers himself a patient man, but he checks his watch for the 5th time in two minutes.

Then your door swings open. You come barreling toward him, a smile plastered to your face. It’s contagious as Dave chuckles, spinning you around like an episode of The Bachelor. His lips are warm against your cheek. “I’ve missed you, darling.”

A shiver runs down your spine as your feet plant on the ground. Dave’s warm brown eyes meet yours. “How can you miss someone you’ve hardly seen?”

“How can someone not miss you?” He laughs, fingers weaving with yours.

“You lie, Dave.”

“I could never lie to you.” He winks.

Dave holds your hand all the way to the cafe. He pays for your meal. He’s engaging, charming, making conversation, desperate to know everything he can about you. You’ve never felt such intention from another person.

After the cafe, you walk through town, hand in hand in broad daylight. The conversation continues to flow as naturally as a river. Dave is captivated. There’s no other word for it. He wants you. He never wants to leave. He thinks he may need you for survival.

You steer your steps toward your apartment. There’s a time and a place for subtlety. Today is not that. Dave picks up on it, catching the dilation of your pupils, feeling the shift between you.

But when you make it to the door, Dave plays the gentleman, asking when he can see you again. You cut him off with a kiss, tongue quickly delving into his mouth. His large hands plant solidly on your hips. You pull him inside. Dave remains respectful, but commanding. You eagerly submit to him. He stays the night.

“After all I knew it had to be something to do with you.”

Dave is losing it. One might argue that’s a bad thing. He’s not so sure as his mind is overrun with flashes of you. He’s quick to check his phone each time it dings. He knows better than to assign you a specific tone, but he wants to, even knows which one he would choose.

His team is building quite the reputation in the gun for hire business. They’re turning down jobs, having to play the cautious game of balancing their time between murder and families. They can’t arouse suspicions. They take turns staying stateside, sending in different crews depending on the job and need. Dave accepts every job within a quick train ride of you. He goes on each one. Sometimes it’s just him. Those are the easiest. He doesn’t even need to tell the team. It makes it easy to slip in, add more red to his ledger, and run to you with his hands dripping, metaphorically of course.

He can never stay more than the weekend, usually no more than a night, but you take every moment. He’s a drug you crave, an addiction you can’t kick. In fact, you don’t want to. It doesn’t matter if you never get more than a stolen night here and there, you’ll take whatever you can get running your hands over his toned muscles, tracing the scars littered over his body, some new and red, some old and faded.

It gives him an air of danger that sends a rush through you each time, like there’s darkness embedded in each scar and it seeps into you. The feeling should unnerve you. It doesn’t.

You want to ask, but you bite your tongue. They seem almost glaring compared to the person you know. Dave is sweet and gentle. The most violence you’ve seen in him is the intense fly hunt you went on last weekend as it buzzed intently around the two of you on the couch. You wonder about the stories behind each nonetheless. He’ll tell you when he’s ready.

He leaves again. He always does with the promise of returning soon. He can’t give you a date. He never can. His phone rings as he walks out the door. You catch the flash of a couple on his screen and a woman’s name drops from his lips. He doesn’t know you see it. Carol.

“But still your secrets I will keep”

You’re drenched. Sweat gathers across your naked skin. Dave thrusts into your dripping pussy, cock soaked in your juices. Your moans marry together, echoing off the walls of your apartment at 2 o'clock on a Thursday afternoon.

You called out of work when he appeared on your doorstep without a warning. He seemed broody, crashing his lips onto yours with more force than you were used to, setting your body ablaze in a new way.

Dave’s hips snap into yours with greater force than usual, his grip a little tighter, but it doesn’t hurt. Not how you expect it to. You like it, this rough side, the way his large hand pins both your arms to the mattress. “You’re taking me so good, Darling. Like a good little girl.”

His words strike a chord within you. Your walls tighten around him. You’re close. You know it. He knows it. His fingers run through your sopping folds, flicking at your clit with skill and precision. Your back arches. You feel like you need to crawl out of your skin. “I’m almost there.”

“I know, baby.” He keeps pace, pushing you closer and closer.

The invisible line snaps as waves of pleasure roll over your body. Dave keeps going, so close to his own release. He’s relentless, prolonging your own orgasm.

“I want to finish inside you. Fill you up like a dirty little whore.” Your cunt clenches around him. You’re not sure why his words affect you the way they do, but you love it. He moans. “Please, Darling.”

“Yes,” You hiss, feeling as if your orgasm has started over. “Please, fill me up.”

“Fuck!” Dave thrusts into you. Once. Twice. And then he buries himself into you, filling you with every drop he has.

Once the high settles to a mild thrum and you’ve cleaned up, you sit on the bed, fresh sheets below you, watching Dave as he gathers his things off your dresser. The sex was different this time, good, mind altering.

Dave has yet to put a shirt on. There’s a scar along his back that disappears beneath the waistband on his jeans. You’ve seen it before. You know all his scars, and you’re gathering his secrets too.

“I hope that wasn’t too much,” Dave says, back still turned to you. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he turns to you, with worried eyes. You saw a piece of him today that no one has seen before. Of that, you have no doubt.

“No, I liked it.” A small smirk quirks your lips. “I wouldn’t be opposed to trying some new things.” Heat pools in your belly again. That same darkness flashes in Dave’s eyes. You want to pull it out and learn it.

He chuckles. “I’ll keep that in mind for later.”

He pulls on his shirt, turning his phone back on. Your heart drops, popping the bubble. “You can’t stay.”

Dave sighs. You catch the guilt hanging off of him. “I’m sorry, Darling.”

“It’s okay…”

Dave bites his lip. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise. I-”

“I know you’re married.” It rolls off your lips without a second thought. You’re not sure where it comes from.

Dave’s face pales, tongue going dry as sandpaper. “Darling-”

“And I don’t care.”

The color fills his face again as he steps over to you. “How do you know?”

You shrug, laying back on the bed. “She called you when you were leaving last time. I did my research, Dave York.”

Dave isn’t sure what to think. In his line of work, it’s scary to know you found him on the internet. It’s a safety issue. If something ever happened to Molly and Alice… but he’s trusted you with much more than anyone else.

“You mean it? You don’t care?” He searches your eyes for any doubt, but finds none.

“You’re the one traveling across the ocean to see me. I also think you’re not just ‘working for the government’.”

There’s a deep growl low in his throat. He oozes evil like your favorite book to movie villain, sending shivers through your body. He cups your neck, using force to pull your lips to his. It’s hot and needy like he didn’t just spend the afternoon buried inside of you. His tongue shoves its way into your mouth, fighting with yours. He grabs your ass kneading it in his palms.

Then, he pulls away, voice gravely in your ear. “One of these days I’m going to tell you every single evil thing I’ve done, and you’re going to like it.”

You gasp, toes curling. He keeps eye contact with you, searching for any sign that you might reject him for it. You don’t ask. You don’t scoff. You believe him. You’ve seen the slivers of evil before, felt them. You’re beginning to wonder if they’ve seeped into you too.

Then he’s gone, disappearing like a ghost.

“I picked you up and put you back on solid ground.”

Adrenaline pumps through your veins. Your heart pounds in your ear. You can’t tell much in the dark, except there’s a man in your apartment, clad in black, and it’s not Dave.

You clutch the kitchen knife to your chest, thankful for Dave’s obsession with keeping things sharp. His boots are steady on your hardwood floors, leaving you to wonder if you’re safe huddled in the corner, or if you should sneak up behind him. Dave taught you to attack only if you are sure you can land a debilitating blow by surprise. You’re not a trained fighter. You’re not an assassin. You’re pretty sure Dave is.

Then, you see your chance. A small opportunity where you know you’ll be hidden in the darkness, not exposed by the open window. You know which floor boards to avoid.

You expect it to go by in a blur, but your mind feels clear. The exposed point on his neck calls to you like a beacon. The artery. He’ll bleed out before he knows what’s happening. Dave’s voice echoes in your head.

Your knife sinks into his neck, slicing skin and tissue like it’s softened butter. You pull the knife out, it drips with crimson blood. He tumbles forward, your lamp shattering into a million tiny pieces as he falls forward.

“You bitch!” He manages to his feet, blood spurting out of his neck. He tries to cover it with his hand, but he’s already losing color in his face. He stumbles toward you. You easily step out of his path, sinking the knife into his chest cavity. It’s more difficult, but you know when you hit his lung.

You watch him fall to the floor, air wheezing from him like a punctured balloon as he coughs and sputters. He’s trying to speak, but can’t. You cock your head to the side, watching it happen, watching the life drain from his eyes, listening to his final breaths. You did that. You took down a man bigger than yourself with two quick blows, without hesitation.

You can feel the thick, red blood dripping off your fingers, soaking into your clothes.Your chest heaves. The knife clatters to the floor. You turn your hands over. You should want this off of you, scratching at the skin to remove it. Instead, you just stare in awe.

Dave appears, heart racing as he takes in the scene. He was gone for only a few hours. A quick job in a neighboring town. “Darling?”

You don’t respond, still inspecting your coated hands. He puts a hand on your shoulder, desperate to know that you’re okay. You jump, eyes blow wide.

“What happened?”

“I don't know. I woke up and he was here… I just- I did what you taught me.”

Your eyes focus on him. He’s in weird clothes- tactical gear. He probably killed someone tonight too.

“Are you okay?”

Your eyes snap back down to your hands. Are you okay? You don’t remember getting hit or knocked over, just the steel blade sinking into flesh over and over and over.

“Darling, look at me!” His hand wraps around your neck and your back hits the wall.

Your eyes snap to him. Your heavy breaths mingle together in the deafening silence that coats your apartment. His eyes are dark. Darker than you ever remember seeing them. You think, maybe, there’s a hint of cruelty floating in them.

“You’re okay.” His eyes scan over you to assure himself as well. He reminds himself that blood is not yours.

Your eyes drift back toward the body. The body that used to house a person with a life and family and-

“Look at me.” Dave’s voice is commanding, forcing obedience. The other side of him is coming out. This is not the Dave you know. It’s the one you’ve caught glimpses of. The one he told you about. This Dave is a monster. A monster you should run from.

“You did nothing wrong. He would’ve killed you.” His hand presses into your neck again. “You did the right thing.”

You thought this moment would break you, losing your Dave, but this Dave is yours too. You thought the monster would scare you. It’s everything you’ve ever stood against, but you want the monster.

A thrill shoots through you, unlocking a deep urge. The world should be blurry, hazing like the TV shows when someone experiences a trauma, but it’s buzzing around you instead. Your senses feel heightened.

Dave says your name. You look up at him. Time stands still. He knows you know. It’s a question of if you will accept it. You shouldn’t. You’re too good for him. He shouldn’t tarnish you, but he catches that look. It’s everything he feels after a kill. The adrenaline rush, the buzz of life through your veins. Maybe he didn’t tarnish you. Maybe he unlocked something in you. Your bloodied hands tangle in his thick hair as he surges forward lips colliding with yours.

This is wrong, so wrong. Another man’s blood is literally on your hands as they tangle in Dave’s hair. You should be disgusted with yourself. This is wicked. You’ve run from the wickedness your entire life. Now you feel like you should have embraced it. He bites your lip, so hard there’s a metallic taste in your mouth. It only spurs you on. A familiar ache grows in your core. Your teeth nash against his, meeting each of his tortuous movements.

His hand squeezes your neck just enough to make your head go dizzy. You should hate this. You should despise this, but your cunt clenches again. “You like that don’t you?”

He loosens his hold, the blood rushing back quickly. It’s a new rush, crashing over the edges of your heightened senses. You feel as if every nerve ending in your body is on fire and you never want it to stop.

His rough voice presses to your ear as he caresses your exposed neck reminding you how fragile your own life is. “The little slut likes when I get rough.”

You whimper at his words, your underwear growing wetter with each passing second. His knee presses between your thigh, granting some tension to your aching core. You move your hips against it. “Not so fast, Darling.” He tightens his grip on your neck, pressing you further against the wall. “You think just because you killed him you’re in charge now?”

Another whimper falls from your lips. An involuntary tear seascapes the corner of your eyes, beginning its descent. Dave’s eyes flicker to it, head cocking to the side. His eyes look different- wild verging on insane. You should be scared, but it’s still Dave. You trust him. Then his tongue is against your cheek, wiping it away with a long, slow swipe. Your nipples pearl under your thin nightshirt.

He whispers in your ear. “I'm in charge. Do you understand?”

You nod.

“Good.”

He produces a knife out of thin air. It’s one you’ve seen before. He’s sharpened it at your kitchen counter. He brushes the tip along your collarbone. Your eyes track its every movement. It’s not enough to cut you, but enough that you can feel how sharp it is. Your heart thuds harder, but your hips move against his knee of their own accord.

He clicks his tongue, forcing the knife down in a single swift movement. You cry out, expecting to feel pain, only to find your chest exposed and your nightshirt torn down the middle. He hand gropes your breast, squeezing it like a stress ball. A gasp falls from your lips as his finger runs over your nipple.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

By your neck, he leads you in front of him to the bathroom. He kicks the door shut, pressing you against it. He produces the knife again, running it through your pajama shorts. The scraps fall to the floor, leaving you in the delicate lace pair of underwear you wore in anticipation of Dave’s arrival.

His tongue clicks appreciatively. The tip of the knife traces over the lace. You whimper, eyes falling closed. He falls to his knees.

“So pretty.” Dave presses his mouth to your clothes cunt. He works his tongue over the thin fabric, pulling it between his teeth. It’s just enough to tease and not enough to provide relief.

“Dave.” It comes out so hoarse you don’t recognize your own voice.

He grins up at you, pulling the knife through your underwear with a rehearsed flick of his wrist. They join your shorts on the floor. You’re bared to him while Dave is fully clothed.

You catch the blood in his hair, splattered on his clothes. It’s drying on your skin now. You know you should be repulsed by it, but the thought of what you did still makes you buzz to life.

“Stay right there.” He eases to his feet. “I mean it. Don’t move.”

He turns on the shower, pushing the hot water all the way. As steam starts to fill the room, Dave removes his clothing item by item. He’s not making a show of it per se, but he is commanding, concise. He pulls another knife from his belt and sets it on the counter. Your breath catches and he makes eye contact. A whisper of a smirk plays on his lips. “Standing so still for me, darling.” You squeeze your legs together, feeling the familiar squelching between your vaginal lips.

You eye the knife a moment longer, biting your lip. Something about it calls out your name. You’re not sure if you should grab it and find the nearest person to plunge it into or if you want Dave to use it with you, on you.

Dave catches the glimmer in your eyes as you eye it. A newfound excitement tugs in his belly. A whole new world is opening before him. One where he doesn’t have to hide all this shit from you, one where you might enjoy it too. You’re not shutting down after killing that man, his body cooling on your living room floor. You liked it. He likes it.

He kicks off his boots and socks. His pants follow. Your eyes travel over his body. The scars make sense now. You still don’t know what Dave does, but you know it’s bad. There’s a small band across his ankle that houses another knife. You should hate him for all of this, kick him to the curb. Instead, your cunt is soaking, and you’re not sure you’ve ever wanted him more.

He chuckles as you eye the knife on his ankle. It’s the only thing he wears other than his briefs now. His dick bulges, usually pulling your attention, put you can’t pull your eyes away from the knife.

Pulling off his underwear, Dave comes back over to you, pressing his body against yours. His teeth scrape over the veins of your neck and he bites down on your earlobe as his hand tangles in your hair.

You release a soft yell. You barely recognize the man in front of you, but it doesn’t matter.

He grips your thigh, hiking it over his hip, running his dick through your sopping cunt.

“You like my knives, Darling?”

You nod as pleasure plays like a movie across your body.

He gips your chin, forcing you to look at him. “Use your words.”

“Yes.” It barely comes out.

His brows raise in amusement. “Would you like me to use them?”

“You won’t hurt me.” You say it as a statement.

Flashes of his softer side show before he clamps them down. “I won’t hurt you.”

“Yes.” It’s almost a yell.

Without hesitation, he grabs the knife off the vanity, pressing it to your neck. “On your knees.”

You obey coming face to face with his hard cock. The knife stays against your delicate flesh.

“You know what to do, baby.”

Again, you obey, taking it into your mouth. The knife is cool against your neck, the only reminder it’s still there. You don’t know how it never pierces your flesh either by dumb luck or expert skill.

Dave’s hips thrust forward, almost triggering your gag reflex. Tears fall from your eyes. Curses sputter from Dave’s lips as he uses your mouth. “Such a good girl for me, aren’t you?”

You breathe from your nose, forcing yourself to nod.

“Shit!” Dave curses, pulling out of your mouth. “I’m going to paint that pretty pussy of yours.”

Your cunt clenches as a small moan tumbles from your lips. He chuckles, hand closing around your neck once more as he ushers you into the shower.

The water is hot, burning against your skin as if it might melt your skin off. Dave holds you under the water. Your breath catches as your body screams out. The water beneath you runs red as the blood washes from your skin.

Your back hits the cool tile wall granting relief from the scalding water. He lathers soap over the parts of your body still stained red, fingers occasionally brushing under your breasts, tweaking nipples.

“You’re so beautiful, darling. Even covered in blood.”

You whimper again, senses overloaded from the trauma, the rush, the teasing. “Dave, please.”

“Please what? You have to use your words, Doll.”

Your walls constrict again, desperate to be around something. Your arms and legs are heavy with need. He’s never used that term with you before. It should be degrading. It is, but it sets another wave of pleasure. You wonder if it’s possible to orgasm virtually untouched. If it is, you’re close.

“Fuck me.”

His tongue clicks as he floats around yours, almost taunting you. He grabs your boob, hard enough it should hurt. It does a little, but pleasure overrides the pain.

“Ask nicely, Doll.”

His finger trails over your collarbone traveling between your breasts and down across your hip. Your thighs squeeze. His palm slips around as he grabs the back of your thigh, kneading it.

“I said.” His words come out like a punch. Concise. Almost sharp. “Ask. Nicely.” He pushes your thigh over his waist, forcing your supportive leg to your tiptoes.

You feel his cock near your entrance, brushing your pussy lips. You moan, hips bucking. He pushes against your neck, running your head into the tiles behind you. “You little slut. You think you can just take it.”

You gasp. “Please.”

“What do you want?”

“I want your cock inside me, Daddy.” It tumbles out of your lips before your brain catches up.

He thrusts his cock into you, sheathing himself fully, hitting the deepest parts of you. Then he’s gone, making you feel empty but only for a second until he enters you again. His hand squeezes tighter around your neck. You come for air as he continuously splits you apart thrust by thrust, pulling out almost fully each time.

Your moans are loud, drowned out by the steaming shower. Tears gather in the corners of your eyes. Dave pays you little mind, shows little care as he continues with a brutality you’ve never encountered, a brutality that only makes you soak his cock. He doesn’t slow. You don’t want him to. He never touches your clit, but you're propelling forward, chasing that high in a way you never have.

The pitch of your voice steps up. The spasm starts in your stomach traveling down to your core as you flutter around Dave’s cock. Your supporting leg shakes. Still, he never eases up, working you through your orgasm.

It hits you like a punch to the gut, a scream piercing the air. Your scream. Dave doesn’t stop. He doesn’t stutter. He keeps pace, chasing his own release.

With each thrust, you yell. You hear the squelching of your sopping cunt against his dick over the roar of the shower. His continuous movements extend your release until he finally buries himself inside you, coating your pussy with his cum. “Such a perfect little doll for me.”

You let out a final whimper as he pulls around, dropping your leg. Your knees buckle. You barely keep yourself upright, legs tingling and shaking.

Dave kisses your cheek. The softness causes a sense of whiplash. He glances over your body, making sure the blood is cleared from your skin and hair. He rinses the blood from his hair as your brain slowly returns to the world. You expect to be exhausted, and you are, but there’s still that low buzz deep within your body.

You killed a man. You took a life. You should feel bad. There’s a fucking body in your living room, but all you can think about is the rush. You liked it. Watching Dave, you wonder if he feels the same way. There’s no doubt to you that he’s taken lives before. You wonder if he knows how many.

The water stops. Dave dries you off with the soft bath towel. He helps you into his soft white t-shirt and tucks you into bed.

“I need to make a call.” He kisses your head and shuts himself in your bathroom. You hear him on the phone, but his words are muffled by the door.

You lay on your back, sheets cool against your hot skin. Staring at the ceiling, you can still feel the blood dripping from your hands, hear the piercing of the knife. You heart rate picks up. What would it be like to do that again? Would you feel the same rush of adrenaline? Would it feel better?

Dave comes out, tossing his cell on the nightstand and sliding under the covers. His hand covers yours.

“What about…?”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s taken care of.”

You don’t ask. He probably knows people. His fingers drift over your cheeks and jaw. They skim lower, following the same path down your neck as your arteries. They feel cool against your skin, drawing patterns where you anticipate bruises tomorrow.

“Did I hurt you?”

He’s almost back to the Dave you know, soft and kind, but you still catch the edges of his dark side. He’s more of a blend now. You think you might be getting the real, true Dave now.

“No,” you shake your head. There was pain. You’ll be sore tomorrow, sport a few scrapes and bruises, but it doesn’t feel like he hurt you.

Dave kisses your forehead, fingers tracing your collarbone now. A question forms in your head, gnawing at the corners of your brain.

“Dave?”

“Hmmm?” He sees distracted, entranced as he follows his hand over your skin, skimming the tops of your breasts. Your nipples tighten making you curl your toes with a familiar tug of desire. How are you ready to go again after that?

“What if I liked it?”

His eyebrow quirks. “The sex?” he pinches your hardened nipple making you gasp.

“All of it?”

His palm stops. The pitch of his voice deepens. “All of it?”

You bite your lip, nodding.

“Use your words, Doll.” He cups your breath, teasing your nipple more. His breath is hot in your ear. “Tell me what you like.”

“I-” Can you really say this out loud? Will it blacken your soul? Or is it already charred and damned.

“Tell me.” He smacks your chest like a parent might smack their child’s hand away from an electrical outlet.

Your pussy clenches as you squeeze your legs together. He smacks your other breast in the same manner. You gasp, practically yelling out your answer. “Killing him.”

The air stands still. For a second, you expect a look of disgust to cross Dave’s face. Instead, a smirk grows. “You liked that?”

You nod, not able to say anything else. Dave climbs on top of you, kicking away the covers. He pushes his hand up your sternum, kneading your breast before running it back down. He repeats the motion, rotating between the two. Moans grow in your chest. He bites your earlobe.

“Did you like the way the knife slid into him?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Dave growls in your ear.

“Yes, Daddy,” you repeat between moans. Your sopping hole drips onto the sheets below you. Dave’s motions steadily grow in intensity.

“Did my doll like the way her body felt alive? Like you absorbed that bastard's energy.”

Tears drop from your eyes. You want him again. You need him again. “Yes, Daddy.”

“Does my doll want to do it again?”

“Yes, Daddy.” You practically scream. You should be ashamed of the answer. You should be ashamed that there isn’t an ounce of hesitation in your being.

“Fuck,” Dave says, shoving your legs apart. He pushes his cock inside you again. “Don’t worry, darling. I’ll make sure you will.”

Dave moves inside you. It’s not as violent, not as torturous as earlier, but it’s just as satisfying. The promise of more ignites a fire inside of you.

Dave takes you to the brink, pushing you until you pass out from exhaustion, spent, used, and sated.

“I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might.”

When you wake up the next morning, the body is gone. The lamp you broke is replaced and a new area rug is delicately placed in your apartment. Not a speck or splatter of blood can be found anywhere. Dave stands in the kitchen gray sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He cooks eggs on the stovetop and a steaming cup of coffee sits on the counter.

You wrap your arms around him. He hums. His skin is warm beneath your cheek, heart beating against your palm. “I like the rug.”

“Me too.”

“Kryptonite”

[imaginespazzi]

GH Chapter 6 babyyyyy. Oooh girl, I needed this fluff! Feeling a little down in the dumps as our embryo transfer failed, and honestly this perked me up! No worries though I am remaining positive as we have a few more frozen embryos so we shall try again :) But truly reading this chapter yesterday gave me such a boost! Thank you :) REACTIONS - My only negative feedback/correction is that it is indeed, as easy for a literal child to buy alcohol in eastern Europe as it is to buy coke 😂😂😂 wild place. - The whole sequence of them in the gazebo, P bringing up the date, the angst, anticipation, butterflies brought me back to being 15. Which is a huge feat because girl, it was a while ago lol - "She does none of the above. Instead Azzi kisses Paige back." Oh thank the lord above Azzi Fudd LET YOUR LOINS LEAD YOU and chill a bit - Their hearts talking to each other. What a beautiful depiction of what it would feel like to be kissing your person again after all this time. Although I am firmly in the camp of them having had some sort of physical/sexual interaction either during Ps marriage or after her divorce teehee - “I- I broke your heart. I broke us. How could you possibly want that again. How could you possibly want me again?” AZZI does she have to spell it out in sky writing? She loves you and will always love you and will always want you. Forever. One step forward two steps back with this one eh - "Take it slow and see where it goes and maybe we’ll- maybe we’ll be even better this time.” See Paige is wise. Our dumb blonde is not so dumb when it comes to MATTERS OF THE HEART. And Vagina. - THE RULES. You been spending too much time w/ @pb524830 haha. Hopefully you don't EDGE US TO DEATH like a certain someone did for the first part of PnP. - I wanna know did they like sit down and have a formal conversation about what the rules are? Also what is within the kissing boundary lol Tongue? Little boob squeeze? Giving themselves blue-clits over here. Better buy batteries for their vibrators at Costco prob going through a couple double-As every 3 days. - But in all honestly the thought of them making out on Azzis couch after Stephie is in bed, then having to separate and have Paige go back to her house at the end of the night is very high school and precious and cute. - Ok girl you know the car seat thing was the highlight for me. You put a big smile on my face by including that I LOVED IT. And its pu-ple!!!! cute cute cute cute - “You look really happy today sweetheart,” Tim says softly. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 - Dying at the contrast of Stephie thinking the sun shines out of P's ass and she is the moral and Christ-like center of the universe while Jon and Jose are like um no this bitch is a menace you don't even know - Awwww are the 3 of them gonna sleep in a queen sized bed w/ Stephie in the middle. I can't. Lil family - “you won’t- you won’t run away again tomorrow morning will you?” make me cry again why don't you - I think hearing EVERYONE around her calling P 'Paige' has gotta switch up Stephies name for her at some point. Maybe hearing Drew call her Paigey will influence her? Overall this was such delicious fluff and perfect whisps of angst. Made my day- my week! Thank you for sharing your talent with us. Am I terrified for whats to come? YUP! But hopefully you can preserve our hearts a little bit by keeping up some tender fluff throughout 😭 <3 🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼🤱🏼

Aww bby sending you so much virtual love and hugs. I'm glad this chapter cheered you up and I'm manifesting so hard for it to work next time <3

LMAO I did actually think of this but then was like when would Paige have time to just walk around Minsk and find alcohol lol?

That whole scene is veryy vaguely inspired by my own first kiss so it was actually pretty easy to write and I just channeled my inner 15 year old (been a while for me too) into it

NOT THE LOINS LMAO I had a feeling you'd appreciate the "plot twist"

Azzi's just an overthinker BUT SHE'S WORKING ON IT! In the meantime I guess blondie has custody of their one shared braincell.

LMAO I don't think anyone will ever get to the level of edging that @pb524830 did like she's simply just the queen of sexual tension and making us suffer.

THE CAR SEAT SCENE REALLY WAS FOR YOU SO I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED IT

I'm so attached to Miss Buecks like I lowkey don't want to have Stephie call her anything else and I can't think of any other original nickname that only Stephie would call her.

[love-toxin]

As someone who is on both the ADHD and autism spectrums, but wishes to remain anonymous....

Would the fruity four still... like me? Even if I'm weird and stim with my hands? Or if I say weird things and curse creatively? It's been a massive self esteem battle for me, because both of the people that I dated previously left me when I confided in them that I was on both the ADHD and autism spectrums....

first of all, im so sorry that happened my love! nobody deserves that, especially not such a sweet person <3 ty for sending me this ask not only bc you're giving me a reason to self-indulgently write about the fruity four with an autistic angel, but also bc!!! we're really alike!!! i love knowing there's somebody i can relate to out there 🥺🥺

I'll start off by saying; yes, of course! The fruity four are strong personalities and people, they have a bond with you that couldn't be broken by something like that, because it's part of what makes you you–and that's exactly what they love! The very thought of giving up on their true love because of a label is just bonkers, it makes no sense and they would be echoing that to you whenever you feel insecure about it. Also, let it be known that I'm totally on the train of headcanoning both Eddie and Robin as being on the spectrum. I like to think Eddie's stronger on the autistic side, whereas Robin is more adhd with her social skills being more pronouncedly autistic. So with this in mind, I think they'd already be very sensitive to whatever your personal experiences are on either spectrum! And they can relate to you inherently a lot better than most people, including both Nancy and Steve.

Not to say that those two are oblivious or apathetic, however, because they certainly are not! They just don't have the same experiences to empathize with you, so they've gotta put a little more work in to help themselves understand how you operate. Your boundaries are a relatively easy thing to start off with; they're something they've probably already gone over, just not as in-depth as they're used to. You might sit there shy and a little teary-eyed even, worrying yourself to death that they're going to laugh at you or make fun of the things that you say you need or that bother you, but Nancy and Steve will be so patient in listening and Robin and Eddie will encourage you to say everything that comes to mind. Your shared space is always a safe space, there's no fear of abandonment or rejection that you need to worry about here, and they'll do as much reassuring as it takes until you really feel comfortable and secure in knowing that. No moment of irritation or frustration or any meltdown will scare them away, no matter how big it gets. And they'll never think of you as childish for anything that you do or anything you get upset about.

Nancy's probably one of the easiest people to confide in about being on the spectrum, as a person who isn't perceivably on it herself. Even though she doesn't experience life in the same way you do, she's a fantastic listener and she treats your explanations and understanding your neurodivergency almost like a hobby in itself. When you mention some term or new behavior that you can't put a name to, she's off to the library to research anything and everything that has to do with autism and adhd–and soon she's the one coming to you not just with questions, but new information she picked up and surveys she wants to do to compare your personal experience to the studies she reads, to see if what's been published is accurate to the real-life experience. And you can damn well bet she's committing a bit of library graffiti in her chosen books if she comes across insensitive articles or tampered studies, or really anything that suggests that autism is some kind of disease or that it's a walking death sentence to any poor parent that finds their child is diagnosed with. She'll scratch out those horrid comments and outright false statements and write the corrections in the margins so long as she has the evidence, to the point that she pouts when she gets banned from borrowing any books for a month when she gets caught. "It was worth it," she insists, more concerned with getting the truth out there than being lectured by the crotchety old librarian–and you can bet she'll stand by her opinions even in public, even with strangers and ill-mannered people, because knowing you feel safe and wanted matters more to her than smiling and nodding along.

The only one that might be put off is Steve, but not in a bad way, and only at first. He's not as used to the way you and Eddie socialize, primarily because he's grown up and has gotten adjusted to the ways that neurotypical kids interact with each other. The way he carries himself and how he speaks to people is what he thinks is normal, so while he sees bluntness or awkward wording or seemingly oblivious social cues as abnormal, he doesn't think it's a bad thing at all. Clearly by the way he and Eddie exchanged conversation when they first met, he's more endeared by it than anything else, even though it takes him more time to understand it. He's used to picking between the lines of conversation to pick up cues and body language of whatever the other person isn't saying out loud, but luckily he's quick to realize that you don't necessarily speak the same way, and he just has to listen to you to know what you're trying to say. And once he learns about masking and sees you slowly become more comfortable with not doing it around him, he gets soooooo excited because he really feels like you're bonding, then, and that you trust him enough to stim or chatter on around him!

And with Eddie and Robin? They're so tuned in it's honestly hilarious. Eddie's constantly on the hunt for things he knows are part of your special interests–he finds little pieces of merch from bands or shows or movies you like, or things that are your favourite colour that he thinks you'll like. And he knows what your favourite animals are and what fabrics and textures you like, and pretty much anything and everything that has to do with your interests is noted down so he can use the information to his advantage. Robin's the same way, although you and her can talk for hours about the things you're passionate about, to the point that you both might forget to eat or sleep until exhaustion finally takes over, and you pass out in her bed or on the couch together.

Also, stimming? It's a normal thing in the household, and they will absolutely make sure that you feel like it's normal. Eddie tugs on his hair and plays with his watch, flaps his hands, claps, cracks his knuckles–and Robin has a few vocal stims like humming or making other little sounds through her teeth, aside from spinning her rings around and sometimes pacing around in circles with music or a movie on in the background. If you're restless and you move around a lot while they're cuddling with you, they get used to it quickly, and if you have days where you just absolutely do not want to be touched, they know that it's not personal and don't get offended if that goes on for awhile. It's the nice thing about having multiple partners, none of you really need to worry about feeling lonely or not having someone to confide in when someone isn't able to.

It's just a good time all around, really. They love you, you make them happy, and there's too much bad in this world for them to toss aside someone that really cares for them. Besides, how different are you from them, really? Each of them have things to deal with that frustrate them sometimes, or make them feel like they're a burden themselves. It's just a matter of accepting it, coping with it, and moving along, and letting the cycle repeat as many times as it needs to to let you enjoy life with the people you love.

[extraordinarilyextreme]

queer rep in 《鸣龙少年》 The Hope (2023)

i just finished bingeing all 30 episodes last night and i thought i was over this, but i'm really not.

Yu Yang (禹洋) is a shy senior in Class 11 with a stammer. in ep. 5, we learn that due to health issues, he took an extended leave from school and thus had to repeat his second year, so he's a year older than his peers. his mother is well-meaning but overbearing, and he was made the target of quite egregious bullying before he joined Lei Ming's (雷鸣) class. throughout the show, we see him become more and more willing to voice his own opinions and set boundaries, esp. with his mother.

(a side point, but i absolutely adore how the show did not pathologize his stammer as a bad thing he had to be "cured" of; it's through unconditional acceptance and encouragement from the adults in his life and his friends that we see him naturally come out of his shell.)

unlike his four friends in Class 11, he doesn't seem to be embroiled in any of their tangled 感情线 / "love" lines, nor does he seem to have one at all—until ep. 21.

on new year's day, the Class 11 CPs are a mess. Jiang Qinglang (江晴朗) confesses to Cheng Yushan (程雨杉), leaving poor Bian Xiaoxiao (边晓晓) who likes JQL and Li Ran (李燃) who likes CYS behind.

so when the fireworks go off, JQL and CYS are togther, whereas BXX and LR are together—contrary to how the show has been pairing them thus far.

then we cut to YY, who is watching the fireworks alone, but about to text someone.

that's a name we haven't seen before! Wu Fan (吴凡), i wonder who that is?

importantly, we see him delete the "I" and instead wish this person "happy new year."

the entirety of ep. 21 was about confessions, crushes, dating/breaking up/moving on, and the innocent and pure feelings we experience in our 青春 / youth.

so it's truly not that big of a stretch for me to think that what YY may originally have been intending to write was “我喜欢你” / "I like you."

then, in ep. 24, Lei Ming takes his class on a trip to Qingbei University in Beijing. and it's there we finally learn who the mysterious WF is.

four years ago in 2015, an older student once stood up for the bullied YY and ended up with quite a nasty beating.

as YY quietly cleans his savior's injuries, they have a brief exchange:

Yu Yang: I'm sorry. Wu Fan: You haven't done anything wrong. What are you apologizing for? In the future, raise your voice when you speak and build up your muscles; I guarantee no one will dare to mistreat you. If that really doesn't work, let's enroll in the same university later on. In the future, I'll continue to protect you.

in the present (2019), YY is waiting outside WF's university. originally overjoyed to see WF, YY's expression drops when he sees his xuezhang with a girlfriend. nevertheless, this might be one of the only times in this entire show we see YY don such a sweet open-mouthed smile.

they grab milk tea together and catch up, reminiscing about their earlier years. unfortunately, whereas YY has never forgotten their first meeting, WF remarks that he would've forgotten about it entirely if not for YY mentioning it now.

then YY asks what will happen after WF graduates.

the camera cuts to a shot of the milk tea brand: 心意 / the intentions of my heart.

this milk tea shop is a recurring setting throughout this drama. it's where one of the main CPs (Li Ran & Yu Chengshan) had one of their earliest interactions in ep. 3, and it has consistently been romantically coded (e.g., a boy treating his crush to a cup of milk tea).

so, effectively, as WF tosses away his empty cup, that is also signaling the short lifespan of his current relationship.

finally, WF encourages YY. only...

Wu Fan: I promised my mom I'll return home to take the civil service exam. After I graduate next year, I'll immediately go back to Xingzhou.

and then, once again, as YY sadly watches WF walk away, the camera cuts to the milk tea cup in his own hands.

in the end, Yu Yang never got to express his 心意 for his xuezhang, and he can only keep it to himself.

but as their Chinese teacher Tan Xiaozhou (谭小舟) remarked earlier in ep. 21 during their class on love poems:

Love is not only in the present tense or future tense, but also in the past tense. Having loved before doesn't mean that the current love isn't real. Loving now doesn't mean you won't love again in the future. If you didn't obtain it, or you broke up—without longing, without resentment—silently remembering the beautiful parts—bidding "Take care" in a cool demeanor: this, also, is love. [...] To me, the most important thing about love is that I can respect your independent nature, protect your lonely soul, and defend your right not to love me.

and so concludes our Class 11 xuezhang's 感情线. for a gaokao-prep cdrama that aired on CCTV8, i honestly cannot believe we got any of this.

here are two more small instances of queer acknowledgment:

in ep. 13, school psychologist Sang Xia (桑夏) leads a lecture on sexual harassment: what it looks like, how to prevent it, how to keep yourself safe. right from the start, she emphasizes that boys can be victims as well—and also that harassment can occur between same-sex individuals.

in ep. 21, when the school runs amok with dating rumors among the teachers, Sang Xia questions why everyone defaults to thinking that it must be a male teacher confessing to a female teacher.

overall, i seriously cannot recommend this show enough. it tackles so many themes (e.g., the premature grief of losing a loved one to Alzheimer's; the importance of destigmatizing depression and mental health overall; the hugely significant role that family/home life has on students' ability to perform well in school; that parents are not infallible and can be controlling/manipulative/abusive, even if unintentionally; that SES so greatly impacts the trajectory of a student's life; how damaging bullying/cyberbullying can be; and that though society is rife with inequity and injustice, it is the responsibility of adults—as best as they can—to create a more just and safer world for all children), and in both a realistic and gently heartwarming way.

[semperama]

Sorry I didn't get to send this earlier! But thank you for filling my Daniel/Josh prompt yesterday! You don't have to publish this ask if you don't feel like it, but I wanted to let you know that I love daydreaming about Josh's perspective in both "On the fifty yard line" and the drabble you wrote! I love how you can tell through your writing that Josh is grateful for the 3 hit rule when he initially enters the ring with Daniel, because fighting these smaller guys always makes Josh feel scummy! But then his opponent is looking like he is thriving fighting Josh; So maybe Josh, like Daniel, is wishing this fight would last a bit longer.

Thank you so much, anon. <3 I feel bad now, because I ended up deleting the fic, but I just wanted to let you know it's not your fault. I'm just going through a really hard time right now, and today was a particularly rough day, and having that out there and feeling like it was not resonating was making me feel worse. I'm republishing it here under the cut for you in case you didn't have it saved though, because I don't want it to be gone for you. <33 I really appreciate this message. It helped me a lot to read. Thank you so, so much. <33

"You don't actually have to fight if you don't want to," Scotty says in his ear as they walk in, the miasma of salt and copper hitting Daniel like a physical thing. "It's not like the movies."

It's pretty much like the movies though--an abandoned warehouse, men stripped to the waist, glistening skin and rippling muscles. The floor is sticky beneath Daniel's feet. The air is humid from all the overheated bodies, and it makes Daniel want to shed his own shirt, whether he's fighting or not.

"But is the first rule still, 'Don't talk about fight club?'" Daniel asks. Scotty's eye roll is answer enough. The first fight they see ends in a guy stumbling out of the ring to puke in a dirty bucket. By the end of the second, Daniel is bouncing on the balls of his feet, hands flexing at his sides. He never planned on just watching, not since Scotty first told him about this place, but now that he's actually here, his curiosity has become a physical necessity, an itch between his shoulder blades, a tugging in his gut.

"I want next," he tells Scotty. "How do I--?"

The corner of Scotty's mouth lifts, like he knew this would happen, but fuck it, Daniel will have a meltdown about being too obvious later. He lets himself be dragged by the arm over to a swarthy man clutching a dirty sheet of paper and a stub of a pencil, and then his name is on the list.

The "ring" is really just a circle surrounded by men, the boundaries of which seem to be marked by the light thrown by one of the few working light bulbs in this place. Ten minutes and two fights later, Daniel shoves his balled-up t-shirt into Scotty's hand and steps into that circle.

He should feel stupid and small and scared looking at the man who steps out across from him--a man who's a full head taller than him, with broad shoulders and a wingspan for days. Instead, he feels relief. This isn't going to be easy. Good.

The man--Josh, the barker says--steps forward, and his hand engulfs Daniel's, making Daniel's stomach swoop. His smile is strangely kind, and he says, "Sorry," like he's done something wrong. Like Daniel didn't sign up for this. Like he didn't want it. Daniel can only shake his head. His throat is full of rocks. His vision is tunneling already, narrowing down to just Josh, only Josh. Someone puts a hand in Daniel chest, pushing him back, pushing Josh back too, and then--

Daniel dodges the first swing instinctively, ducking low under Josh's first jab. Hit me, he thinks as he bounces backward out of reach. Hit me, as if he can will it to happen. His body won't let him take a dive, the instinctive urge to avoid pain too strong, but it's bound to happen eventually. Josh's reach is longer than his. He seems more experienced too, his fists grazing Daniel's ear, his shoulder.

When it does happen, it's perfect. Just what he needed. Josh gets him right in the ribs, under his right pec, and the air whooshes out of him, the impact rattling his teeth. Pain blooms like relief, seeping outward through his chest.

Twice more. Those are the rules. To keep them all from killing each other, first man to land three hits wins.

It won't be enough, Daniel thinks as he skitters away from Josh again. Three won't be nearly enough.

He's grinning, he realizes. Across from him, fists raised and ready, Josh grins back.

[mi-rae07]

Choi San : His Queen

Pairing : Choi San (Ateez) and named character (Yi So-hee)

__________________

A/n : This story is set in the 1600′s. And it is completely and utterly historically inaccurate, but the setting was necessary for the story so here it is.

Song recc : Unconditionally by Katy Perry

___________________

Sohee : it's alright, I'll be fine.

Maid : but your majesty, it's pouring outside.

Sohee : I like the rain, ahjumma.

Maid : but the king-

Sohee : the king will be fine. Let me be, hmm?

The maid sighed and bowed as sohee smiled and walked outside, running into the palace grounds as the rain slowly started drenching her body. She had always loved the rain, from the way it made the air smell to the feeling of it on her usually hot skin.

Sohee smiled as she felt the cold water run down her skin, giving her the comfort she desperately needed. Sohee looked down at her feet, her silk shoes now drenched in dirt and water. She closed her eyes as memories flashed through her mind

______________________________

3 years ago :

Sohee giggled as she ran into the gardens of her townhouse, a panting seonghwa running behind her. He sweared her hadn't run this fast even while he was training in the army, but now here he was, a renowned knight, running behind a lady who couldn't hold still for a second.

Seonghwa : aish, stop running away from me yi sohee!

Sohee laughed as she ran faster, her hands holding her long skirt so as to not trip and fall.

Sohee : catch me if you can, my lord!

Seonghwa chuckled and ran faster towards sohee, his long legs and his training coming to his advantage. Sohee yelped as seonghwa picked her up from the ground, lifting her up as he twirled. Sohee giggled and wrapped her arms around seonghwa's neck, smiling down at him. Seonghwa chuckled and asked

Seonghwa : don't you think your dress would get dirty if you run around in the mud like this, your grace?

Sohee smiled and cupped seonghwa's cheeks, looking into his eyes as she said

Sohee : who cares about my dress when there's this man in front of me. I can buy a million dresses if I want, but I won't get this again.

Sohee leaned down and kissed seonghwa as his smile widened, kissing her back with the same passion. At the same moment they felt rain droplets fall on their cheeks as the both of them pulled away and looked up at the sky that was now starting to rain. Seonghwa scoffed and said

Seonghwa : even the sky is crying because of your cheesiness.

Sohee smacked seonghwa in the arm before jumping from his arms and running away from him while giggling as the rain drenched their clothes. Seonghwa caught sohee from the back once again before twirling her around, her skirt swishing around in a circle as sohee laid her head against seonghwa's wet shoulder.

_____________________________

Sohee sighed as she sat down on the wet grass, the rain still pouring over her. It had been 3 year since seonghwa died, and she had been queen of this nation alongside her husband for 2 years. She was forgetting seonghwa, just as he had wanted her to. Now all that was on her mind…

Sohee looked up as she felt someone call her name, the loud voice ringing loud even through the thick layers of rain. She knew who it was just by that.

San : sohee!

Sohee turned behind and noticed san running up to her with an umbrella, leaning down and placing the umbrella over their heads. Worry was evident in his eyes as he scanned his wife's body for any injuries as he said

San : what is wrong with you! I've told you so many times not to go out in the rain. Don't you remember the last time you went-

Sohee : aren't you supposed to be in a meeting with the ministers, your grace?

Sohee had never been loving with san, and san had always tried to respect her boundaries. He knew sohee loved seonghwa, and the entire town they lived in knew that. So once seonghwa had died, no other man wanted to marry sohee because she wasn't "pure" as they had wanted their wives to be. Sohee's parents worried she would remain widowed. And san, who had loved her since they were both little, watched while the woman he loved be with another man, decided to marry her and make her queen, and save her from a life of shame.

But of course, sohee didn't know half of that, and san wasn't going to tell her when he still believed sohee to be in love with his knight, his bestfriend.

San : I…am. But I couldn't let you just freeze in the rain.

Which was why he abandoned the meeting with his ministers as soon as one of the workers came and told him sohee was getting drenched under the rain. The last time she did this, she was down with an intense cold for a week straight, san couldn’t let that happen again.

Sohee : your grace, the nation is important.

San : yeah well, you're more important to me. Get up, let's get you inside.

Sohee : no, I wish to stay.

San : it's cold, sohee. You catch colds way too easily for you to stay here like this.

Seonghwa had always been the type to play along with sohee in the rain, and then catch a fever together and lay in bed together while sniffing. San had been the opposite, because he was shelter, and he was warmth. He'd rather stay in the rain and catch a cold to save sohee from even feeling a drop of the cold rain on her body.

Sohee : then…then stay with me. You abandoned all those meetings to come here anyway, make it worth it.

San : just seeing you in front of me is worth everything, yi sohee.

Sohee looked up at san, his eyes staring right into her deep blue ones.

Sohee : your grace, do you…love me?

It was all obvious to sohee, because she had seen the look of love in another man's eyes before, and that man had left her to die for his country once. He was a knight, a hero. San was once again, the opposite. He could always leave the country to die for her, ever since he was all but a prince. It wasn't a quality for a king, but san had never cared. He could abandon the world to be with sohee.

But she wanted to hear that from him, those words of love, the feeling of it.

San : this is not the time and place to talk about all this.

Sohee : why not? Because it's raining?

San : yes, because it's raining.

Sohee : do you not like the rain, your grace?

San sighed and looked around before saying

San : not exactly, it's too open and cold.

Sohee quickly took the umbrella from san, throwing it away from them as it tumbled down the step. San's eyes widened as he flinched from the rain hitting him, his large hand coming over sohee's head to protect her from the rain. Sohee chuckled and held his hand before saying

Sohee : these aren't arrows, your grace, it's just water droplets. Nothing's going to happen to us.

San still looked at sohee questioningly, still staying alarmed. It was a basic instinct for someone who had been raised to be a king since he was born, he was always rigid and awake. But sohee was anything but that.

Sohee chuckled and stood up, holding both san's hand to lift himself up as she shouted with a smile

Sohee : let go of all those walls, my king.

San smiled and shook his head before standing up, sohee giggling and pulling san along with her as she walked backwards, her eyes gazing into his.

And for the first time, san didn't hate the rain or it's sound. For the first time he felt free, he felt like a normal man who was enjoying his life the way he should have if he didn't have to carry a nation on it's back.

And for the first time since years, sohee forgot completely about seonghwa and everything she had going on.

Because together, the both of them were free, and happy.

_____________________________

2 years ago :

Sohee was now standing in front of the mirror in her new room in the royal palace, staring at the necklace that seonghwa had given her before he died, hanging by a golden thread as it rested against her chest. This was all of seonghwa that she had left, but she was another man's wife now, the king's. and she had to remove it, there was no other choice. It was time to let go.

Sohee brought her hand to the clasp behind her neck and was about to remove it when someone said behind her

San : no, don't remove it.

Sohee flinched and turned around, realizing that san had entered her room while she was deep in thoughts. Sohee frowned, confusion lacing her as she asked

Sohee : your grace. But I am your wife now-

San : that doesn't make you my property. You have your own thoughts, your own likes and dislikes. And you like that necklace, hence you may keep it.

Sohee : but this…it belonged to seonghwa.

San : and he was the man you loved. I forced you into this marriage, but I won't force you into giving him up for me. The people will just think that 'S' stands for either you or I since…both our initials are S.

Sohee looked at san, not understanding how someone could understand something like this. San continued to surprise her, even though she had known him for years, even while she was with seonghwa.

Sohee sighed, bringing her hand away from the clasp as she whispered

Sohee : thank you.

____________________________

San had always been that, sohee thought as she leaned against the marble wall of her bathtub, the hot water soothing her skin. San had always been patient, calm and understanding. He never let much of his emotions show, and always tried to give her everything she wanted and didn't know. From necklaces, to books, to even chateaus, he was everything a woman would want as her husband. Then why, why was it that sohee never showed her care towards him?

San was king, he could have as many mistresses as he wanted to satisfy his needs since sohee never did that for him, but he never, within the span of 2 years, took up any other woman. Why was it like that?

And sohee barely ever thought of seonghwa these days. When he had died 3 years ago, for those few initial months, sohee cried every day and could only ever think of seonghwa. Despite him having left her to fight for his nation as the knight he was, as he had wanted to be, sohee missed him. But now, now all she thought of was san, and whether he ate his meals on time or whether his bath was hot enough. She constantly asked the maids whether all his things were proper and whether he missed any of his meals. Did that mean…does that mean she loves him?

Sohee looked up as the door to her bath opened, revealing a maid who bowed and said

Maid : your majesty, the king asks for your presence in the throne room.

___________________________

Sohee walked into the large throne room, the fabric of her long skirt that she had put on in a hurry flowing behind her as it dragged through the rich marble floor. Sohee looked around the golden interior of the room, the minister's seats in the side now empty since it was almost dinner time. Her eyes widened as she realized that her parents were standing below the elevated floor where she was currently standing, glaring at san who was sitting in his throne that was set a step above the floor level.

Sohee : appa?

Her father turned to look at her as he sighed in relief

Mr yi : god! Are you okay, my daughter?

Sohee nodded with a frown as she climbed down the steps to reach her parents, her mother's arms wrapping around her. Sohee held her mother's arm and asked

Sohee : eomma, what's wrong?

Mrs yi : this man, we should never have agreed to letting him marry you. But we thought he was a good man.

Sohee : eomma, he is a good man.

San's eyes slightly widened at that sentence, not expecting sohee to say that.

Mr yi : the village that was under our governance was bombed because of him, sohee, bombed.

Sohee's eyes widened as she quickly turned to look at san, who just sighed and looked on the ground. Sohee wished it wasn't true, that village meant everything to her family, it was practically theirs.

Sohee : your grace. Is this…is this true?

San : I didn't know it then, it was an attack, sohee.

Sohee : an attack by who?

San : the neighboring kingdom.

That meant war, it could only ever mean war.

Sohee : your grace-

San : I know, we can't talk about this here sohee, please.

Sohee sighed and looked at her parents who only seemed concerned about her right now.

Mr yi : you must come back with us, sohee-ya.

Sohee looked at her parents, wide-eyed. She hadn't expected them to say that, once a woman was married, she never went back to her parent's house unless it means splitting with her husband, officially. And her husband was king.

Sohee : what?

Mrs yi : we can't trust you with the king any longer, sohee. Come back home with us, please.

Sohee paused, hoping san would tell her she couldn't leave. But he just nodded as he said

San : you have my permission to leave, if you want to.

Sohee looked at san, hating that he was always so understanding of everything. Sohee had to make a choice, and she knew which one she was going to make. Their kingdom was going to go into war, she needed to be by san's side no matter the cost.

Sohee looked at san and said, her voice stern

Sohee : I am queen, I will stay.

Sohee saw san's eyes widen slightly in part shock. She turned around to face her parents as they said

Mr yi : sohee-

Sohee : this is my nation, appa. I cannot leave the people and run away at the first sight of danger. And more than that…I am san's wife, I promised to stay by his side that day and I intend to keep it. You may leave, be safe. But I'm afraid I cannot come with you.

San : sohee-

Sohee : this is final, and it is my order.

__________________________________

San : you should have gone with them.

Sohee looked up from her plate of rice, looking at san who was leaning against the dining table chair, the chopsticks held tight in his hand.

Sohee : did you want me to leave, your grace?

San : no, I did not.

Sohee sighed and took another bite of her chicken before saying

Sohee : then what is wrong?

San : it isn't safe here anymore, sohee.

Sohee looked up at san and asked, her tone now serious

Sohee : your grace, are we actually going into war?

San : they bombed your village.

Sohee : that doesn't-

San : they hurt something close to you, and they caused harm to your parents. So yes, we are going into war.

That village meant a lot to sohee, but she had seen a war before, and it was what cost seonghwa his life. She didn't want to go through that again, she didn't want to lose any more loved ones, especially not san now that he was king.

Sohee : we can't put an entire nation into a war just because of one village, your grace.

San shook his head before swallowing a spoon of rice and said

San : it's now, or they bomb a thousand more of our villages and we just watch like cowards.

Sohee : you know what war does to a nation.

San : and you know what standing behind and hiding from your problems does to your legacy.

Sohee sighed and looked back at her plate, not knowing what to say.

San : look, I will talk to my ministers about this.

Sohee : right now?

San : yes, I have called a meeting right after dinner. It isn't usual time, but then again, this is war we're talking about and I wish to have this meeting as soon as possible. We'll weigh the advantages and disadvantages of this, sohee. And only if it is feasible and required, will we go into war.

Sohee nodded. San smiled lightly and whispered, nodding towards sohee's plate

San : eat well, before the food goes cold.

__________________________________

A year ago :

Sohee opened her eyes, feeling her entire body shiver in cold even though she was now covered in velvet blankets. The last thing she remembered was running around the palace grounds while it was raining, running until she couldn't take it anymore. She had finally fallen to the floor, the rain droplets straining her vision as she finally closed her eyes, going unconscious.

But now here she was, in her chambers, the room lit in more fire lamps then was necessary, probably to provide her some sort of warmth. But who had picked her up from the gardens and brought her here, and changed her wet clothes into something comfortable?

Sohee looked to the side as she felt someone place a hot towel over her forehead. San, of course it had been him. San looked up at sohee as he realized she was awake, his worried eyes evident as he asked her

San : do you still feel cold? Are you alright?

Sohee hummed, trying to move her hands slightly as she said, her voice groggy

Sohee : I'm…only a little bit cold.

San let out a breath and said

San : why do you always do this to me, sohee-shi? You're always not listening to me and you keep getting sick.

Sohee : it doesn't matter, your grace-

San : yes it does! Because I hate seeing you get sick like this and struggle. Why do you go out in the rain when you know you'd catch a cold?

Sohee : that's the whole point.

San : well, it's a stupid and unhealthy point.

Sohee smiled slightly and looked away, trying to sit up. San shook his head and laid her back on the bed before saying

San : no, lay back down. I'll take care of you tonight.

Sohee : but you need to rest as well.

San : I'll manage.

Sohee : your grace, you've had duties throughout the entire day. This is the only time you get for yourself-

San : and I don't mind spending that time taking care of my wife. Now, just shut up and try to sleep.

Sohee chuckled and said

Sohee : have you always been like this?

San : like what?

Sohee : worried over every little things and fussing over practically everything?

San : yah! I'm not fussing, it's genuine worry.

Sohee : you're king, and you've went on battlefields and won wars. Haven't you seen worse than just a simple cold?

San : yeah well, this is you we're talking about, not just some soldiers.

Sohee pressed her lips together and nodded before saying

Sohee : tell me about it.

San : about what?

Sohee : about the battles you've fought and how it was.

San : it's quite gruesome for a lady.

Sohee : aish, stop acting like my mom, I can handle it enough. I'm curious, and if you tell me those stories, I might just find it easy to fall asleep as well.

San sighed and nodded, beginning to talk about the battles he's fought when he was slightly younger. And sohee noticed how san's cheeks were red, his forehead having beads of sweat in them. He was feeling hot, because of all the fires that he had going around her room. And although it kept sohee warm from the cold she was feeling, she could only imagine how uncomfortable san must've felt from the heat.

But even then he did not utter a word about it, he only continued telling her stories and changing her towel once in a while. And for the first time ever sohee felt warm even while she was freezing with cold, for the first time she felt protected.

______________________________

So-hee looked up from the book she was reading as she heard a knock in her door. She stopped leaning against the window sill in her room that overlooked the entire palace gardens as she sat straight and said

Sohee : you may enter.

The door to her chambers opened as a guard bowed and said

Guard : your majesty, the king is here to-

San : she doesn't need the introductions, I'm her husband. You may step out.

The guard bowed at san, flustered as he stepped outside and shut the door behind san who gave sohee a small smile.

Sohee : your grace.

San : I told you to stop calling me that.

He had, but sohee was so used to calling him that she had never stopped even when she became his wife.

Sohee : your rank is still higher than mine-

San : you're queen, sohee.

Sohee : not by birth.

San : by a forced marriage, I'm quite aware.

Sohee sighed and stood up from where she was sitting, keeping her book aside as she asked

Sohee : what happened at the meeting then, your grace?

San sighed as he walked towards the bed, sitting down on it as sohee stood in front of him with curious eyes

San : you don't…mind if I stay here for a while at this time of the night, do you?

Sohee : of course I wouldn't mind, it's your palace anyway.

San : Ours. What's mine, is yours too.

Sohee smiled and said

Sohee : and yet you wish to not share rooms.

San : because I wish to respect your boundaries.

Sohee chuckled and said

Sohee : you're my king, what boundaries must I-

San : and yet you're still in love with him.

Sohee paused, looking at san. The firelight cast a golden glow on san's sharp features, making him look as fierce as the ruler he was. San rarely ever brought up that topic.

Sohee : your grace, it's already been two years since seonghwa died.

San nodded towards the book sohee had kept aside and said

San : and yet you still read the book he gave you.

Sohee pressed her lips together, her hands clasped behind her back. She read that book because she wanted to see whether it still reminded her of seonghwa, whether every line that she read, she read it in seonghwa's voice. But no, all she thought of when she read the book were the moments she had spent with san. But of course, he wouldn't know that.

San : and you still wear his necklace.

Sohee looked at the necklace that was resting against her chest, the gold of it shimmering against the firelight. Sohee sighed and whispered

Sohee : this is just a reminder of who I once was, your grace.

San : lie.

Sohee : I-

San : shh, it doesn't matter. I wish to sleep with you today, it's why I'm here.

Sohee : is…something wrong?

San sighed and said

San : we may have to go into another war after all, there's no other option.

Sohee let out a shaky breath as fear slowly filled her body. San looked at sohee and shook his head before saying

San : I know, I know, sohee I tried. I tried to prevent this but it's…it's just not possible anymore.

Sohee : your grace-

San : don't worry, I've written a will that would pass down this kingdom into your hands if something happens. You'd get this nation whether or not you bear my heir, so you can still be queen and if needed, marry someone el-

Sohee : san.

San paused, looking at sohee in complete shock as she called him by his name for the first time. And bloody hell, san wanted to keep hearing it again, and again. It was as if his name was made for her to say it.

Sohee : I don't care about any of those, you…are you going to fight in the war?

San frowned as he said

San : what does that-

Sohee : because I don't want you to die!

San's eyes widened, his mouth slightly parted in pure shock. He had always thought sohee hated him in the slightest, let alone cared about his existence. Hell, he had married her a year after sohee had lost seonghwa, a man she had loved her entire life. He had asked her father for sohee's hand in marriage, making her queen and putting half of the nation's duties on her shoulders.

San : what?

Sohee : do you really think I can just go on with my life after you're dead?

San : being a widow won't be looked down on by the public since you're queen-

Sohee : OH MY GOD, SAN! I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE.

San flinched slightly from the sound, not expecting sohee to say it that loud. She had never been anything but calm and composed, but now she was anything but that.

San : sohee.

Sohee : don't fight this war. Just send your soldiers and you stay back here with me.

San : how does that make me look? I am also their commander, sohee. I cannot stay back and just watch my men die while I stay safe and locked up in my cage.

Sohee shook her head desperately, her breathing slightly shallow as she whispered

Sohee : I can't…I can't lose you too.

San : you don't even love me.

Sohee looked at san, the look in her eyes telling san everything he didn't want to hear right now. San gasped and stood up, shaking his head, trying to deny it desperately

San : no. no, no.

Sohee : san.

San : no! you can't…you can't love me when you love that man.

Sohee : I don’t love him anymore, san-

San : because he's dead.

Sohee : because the love you have for me measures more than the love he had ever given me!

Because he had always valued his family and his nation more than sohee, because he had left her unprotected when he had ran to fight for his nation. And sohee had always tried to justify him but not anymore, not when there was san.

San : stop lying to me!

Sohee : san.

San : no, you still read that book-

Sohee : because I like reading it, that has nothing to do with seonghwa.

San : then the necklace-

San cut himself off as sohee pulled the necklace harshly from her neck, throwing it away from them as it fell to the ground. San's widened eyes stared at sohee, not expecting any of this.

San : what-

Sohee : don't you get it now? I love you, san-ah. I love you and I wish for us to last a long time. I wish for us to sleep together, to eat together because we want to, not to show people. I want us to rule this nation together, and I want to have a family with you, to dance in those royal balls, once again, not to show other people but because we want to. I want to do everything together with you and-

Sohee cut herself off as san kissed her, his hands gripping her cheeks. Sohee wrapped her arms around san's neck as she kissed him back with the same passion, feeling her entire body light up in flames.

San pulled back and whispered breathily against her lips

San : no, I must not do this.

Sohee : no, please, don't stop. Please don’t go away, san.

San : sohee, I am hanging by the last thread of my dignity-

Sohee : then let go of it. The hell with all that we mustn't do and the hell with our duties. I just want you, I want all of you, san.

San looked at sohee, both their eyes saying everything their lips couldn't all these years

Sohee : love me.

San : I have loved you all my life, yi sohee.

Sohee : and I will love you for all my life, choi san. 

San stared at his wife, feeling his heart swell with the feeling he had always longed for. Sohee smiled lightly and said

Sohee : and this war? We will fight it together, and we will win it together. This crown, it's ours, and it always will remain that way.

San : I'll make sure of it, my lady.

Sohee smiled and kissed san, his arms wrapping securely around his wife, his queen.

______________________________

[irritablepoe]

Aloe vera, camelia, cactus :3

ahhhh thank you so much artur! <3 (hope it's okay that i use your name, if not tell me :3)

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

i. want. to. have. a. qpr. like a really sweet one with good communication and we would live together but have seperate rooms, and we would do stuff together, but also alone if we want to, i'd be so nice to be loved that way :') i also want to get a novel/poem/short story published. that would be so nice as well :))

camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?

i was VERY insecure about myself and let people walk all over me and ig i was sth like the "perfect child that parents want" (yk calm, isn't annoying, does good in school, isn't involved with drama and stuff, reads a lot) except that there were days that i didn't talk at all bc i feared i would say sth that others didn't like and then they would hate me. i'd like to think that i've changed a lot, i'm still unkind to myself sometimes but i know myself outside of others opinions now and i kinda do my own thing. i also say now when i think someone says sth wrong or that is hurtful. all in all - wow look at that, i have boundaries now!! :D

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

so in my classes i'm currently learning about psychology in education and health (exams are coming up and i actually don't have a lot of time to do anything else *coughs* *looks at screen time* yeah..) but i try to learn every opportunity i get (i want to eat knowledge nom nom nom :3) but specifically classic literature atm, and not only reading them but also reading about them, for example which influences those texts had on modern literature but also how certain topics that are (still) relevant today can be dicussed through them (idk if you listen to the re:dracula podcast but they also do some bonus episodes where they talk about how gender roles, queer theory and antisemitism play into the creation of dracula as a character and as a villain and also how it's representative for the literature in gothic times). i also try to read more poetry, i'm really bad at finding good ones though except the "classics" yk. emotion-wise i'm currently learning that i can feel pity for a person (in that case my father; he isn't a bad person per se but he did stuff that was hurtful towards my family and myself and he has to deal with a lot of consequences bc of this now) but still set boundaries when it comes to consulting them (see above question lmao)

***************

ok that was a lot, thank you for asking though this was really fun and well, i tend to ramble :D

[futchgunk]

mx. feelings

long post. personal account of transmisogyny.

sitting and reflecting on a really hard (happy) cry and thinking about the threads that culminated this experience.

one of the birthday presents i got for myself was a made-to-order vinyl record of my favorite song "rabbits" from this diy egg punk band called Nurse Joy (xxnursejoyxx). This band was extremely influential for my coming out because i first saw them live when i was invited to a show by my best friend. (who is also goth and trans) These shows were so much fun!! Pre-eponymous nursejoy sets were so high energy and really lively. The mosh pits were energetic and not violent and it was so much fun!! like this was when i really truly felt like i could be. i had been starving for trans visibility in my personal life and i found a community that is so much more welcoming than entry level white collar jobs or craft brewing bartending. i dykegress

My bestfriend (🐝) asked me to see the nursejoy set, i loved their ep "Flop Era" so much I drew fan art of one of their songs. (a really big deal, at the time i was so insecure about my skills as an artist yet so eager to create something, so having an outlet that supersedes my anxiety however temporarily is so nice to have!!) For about a whole year, I was hanging out in the DIY scene just because this band had some fun songs to dance to in the name of trans (nurse) joy!!

This band ended living right next to the place that I had moved last spring. Imagine my surprise when my neighbors were my favorite band!!! I was literally making my tea in the summer and walking over to drink it on their porch. They supported me through when I got framed at work. I was feeling like I had a group of friends.

Last summer, the singer for nursejoy finally graduated college and we had a celebration and they said that they were really gonna push their show house "PF" as a diy label, and everyone that was at the let out after their celebration show was gonna be there. I was so excited for this celebration, I baked a cake for the lead singer. We all got grouped into mini 3 person projects and asked to come up with a show-and-tell by 8/8 (::::)). I like to think of myself as an amateur poet, I was super eager to even said i made something remotely musical, so I did. my group was the only group to present something (we did so by crashing a gig) and I was really happy with the work I produced: a sex-positive risk aware boundary setting rap song. A mouthful, but thats on brand ;;) .

Fast forward to October and the attention to the Palestinian Genocide. Long-Story short: I upset some pro-israel friend of the band who knew was friends with the drummer of nursejoy (also jewish) and the drummer reached out to me to mediate the tension between us. (I had already DM'd and messaged this person and was waiting on a response for weeks, 3 weeks before these messages, 5 after). As a black transwoman, if someone calls cries of prejudice, it needs to be addressed and immediately resolved. So it was just incredibly frustrating, disheartening, and ostracizing to have someone call me anti-Semitic and then have nothing happen. for like weeks. and like this really cut me up bc you should be able to do difficult things like talk to people about the things they said if they made you uncomfortable. You should be able to know that they will hear you and listen.

It felt so terrible to just suddenly be demonized and branded with prejudice and not being able to do nothing about it all. When i was hanging out with 🐝 i cried about how uncomfortable and lonely and helpless i felt with this whole situation. (Being vulnerable and crying has been a struggle with me my whole life, I'm really thankful that estrogen has me able to cry, and I'm glad i can talk to people about stuff that isn't so flowery all the thyme. Some big feelings I cried about was the frustration of not knowing what's going on, to seeing the same the very people who gave shelter and harbor to me avoid my gaze like normies do. I go to the transpunk shows because im so sick of these eyes, the stares, it is the same look on everyones face and they are looking at me like an enemy, AND TO SEE THAT LOOK ON MY FRIENDS FACES. It's so hard to forget that feeling.

I was seriously contemplating not showing up to anymore shows and gigs. I had to remind myself that I show up to shows to have fun, and there are other friends that show up to these shows make these gigs so much more fun. I can think of at least three girls that like to push hard off the top of my head. ::::)

Funny Enough, i had just bought the order of the vinyl in september, before all this shit went down. and i cried to 🐝 about how this album now has a warped and twisted meaning. Now all this attachment i had is feeling like a needle ceiling because I don't like this band anymore. 🐝 and I talk about the universe is clay to sculpt reality from with just our wills and I put a wish that I wish that my best friend could play bass on my record instead of the resident bassist because that would mean so much more to me. We had joked that Bee should be in nursejoy bc having a transgirl bassist is just so perfectly splendid. I wished this thought into the aether, knowing it was just a wish.

Allegations against the current bassist of the sexual assault variety, had nursejoy without a bassist around the same time that they needed to record these vinyls. They asked 🐝 to fill in for their shows and I was so cut up I only saw 1 out of the 2 performances. I was still really cut up that i only showed up to the new years eve gig. (btw i saw the person who started it all but they were 2 drunk to have a real convo).

Fast forward to my time loop. My first time seeing nursejoy with the new lineup. I got to hear my favorite nursejoy song live and experience the annoyance of cops shutting down the gig!! the gig shut down early and we had made our way to my place. I had asked for 🐝's help with listening to my record earlier, bc I was so paralyzed with fear that I couldn't listen to it by myself.

We did listen to it. I have a voice clip of my best friend giving me a shout out and a goth blessing, and proceeding to give me another goth blessing by playing this song that I get to hear whenever I want to. I got so overwhelmed by happiness that I couldn't think and cried happy sobs.

This has been an extremely emotional roller coaster of an experience, and if i wasn't able to talk to other transwomen i would have shrunken inward and become incredibly bitter.

Thank you Bee.

Thank you Snow.

Thank you River.

Thank you Fawn.

Thank you Lily.

Thank you Morrigan.

[ireneaesthetic]

Pointing out some other little moments and details from the episodes that need to be remembered • part 1/2

episode 1

the noise and people in the background disappearing as soon as their eyes connect. the whole world stops for a moment and they're back in their bubble, like it's always been.

it's their first meet-up since christmas break and it shows. they wait for the other to be distracted to stop and really look at him: the haircut is the one thing simon focuses on and wille head-to-toe stare to believe at the sight in front of him.

wille's reaction when vincent mentions the sex tape. the name of it is enough to get his mind thinking back at that time and all the fresh wounds.

he has to look down because it hits way too much still.

simon moves away when wille's pinky gets closer, but they both stay hand on hand for the short moment before that.

it's the first. physical. contact shared after the break, it must have awakened so many memories and emotions.

he walks towards the other side of the table to sit next to simon at first, but changes plan when he sees the seats are already taken. he’s adorable !!

episode 2

won’t ever get over simon’s instinct to take wilhelm's sweater with him, wearing and smelling it, tucking it under his pillow.

it kinda helped him to make his absence a little more bearable.

he carefully tries to put erik’s frog snow globe back together. it broke in pieces and he probably feels broken inside just as much.

it seems like an attempt to fix what he can try to fix at least. he knows it’s pointless, but cares too much not to even try.

simon wearing wille’s orange sweater, while playing the piano, to compose the song he'll sing publicly declaring his love for him. poetic so to say.

episode 3

wilhelm's therapy sessions are among my fav s2 scenes in terms of dialogues and camera shots.

we watch him play nervously with his fingers out of anxiety or touch erik's watch when talking about him. actions that speak for the words he struggles to say out loud.

the little hint of a smile at simon's "we're not together". he was hoping to hear it so it's a sigh of relief, something real he can hold on to.

he was searching for reassurance to not give up and here it is.

there's so much hurt coming from their words and eyes in this scene. simon's face is heartbreaking too.

the hurt in knowing wille's hurting and the 'what am i doing?' long lasting stare. he realizes 1) he still cares too much 2) he's not ready to let him go or close their chapter yet 3) to move on with someone else won't ever stop him from loving wilhelm more or choosing him first - no matter what.

+ these feelings are all it takes for him to choose to end things with marcus.

don't get me started on marcus manipulative words and behavior, but let's focus on how they affect simon instead. his expression and posture reflect the same uncomfortable ones he had when hugging his father, he'd rather be anywhere else than surrounded by his arms.

he just took a step back, told he's not ready, he set boundaries yet everything of what he said is being violated with this hug.

here's part 2/2