#life is messy and ugly and nasty and gross and i love it for that

[rxttenfish]

not putting this on that last reblog, but like, relevant to it - i feel like a lot of people have an extremely bad relationship to death. specifically, in a way thats very cultural and not innate.

i mean, how much has already been talked about with how uncomfortable people are with thinking about the meat that theyre eating came from something alive, and how they dont want any reminders of it? this is a recent change, and a very specific geographic change as well. people are suddenly a lot more squeamish around death, even necessary death. not just of predation but of animals dying at all, even in cases where the animal needs to be put down for quality of life reasons. it feels like its gotten a lot worse lately, of people trying to keep animals alive long past they should have been humanely put down, just because they cannot possibly deal with the fact of death.

it sort of feels the same way for human death as well. i mean, just look at the order of the good death and what they talk about, with how the removal of death as a natural and normal part of our lives seemingly only makes the hurt of it all the worse.

it feels like people are even less familiar with animals and less familiar with the messy parts of being alive, so far removed from nature, that they get even more freaked out by just the simplest, most basic parts of it. it feels like how people have gotten way more afraid of insects and spiders now that theres a greater degree of separation forced between us and the natural world. and because of this, it now makes the ongoing ecological crisis all the worse, because fear makes it so much harder to save what we have.

[thepalmofyourfreezinghand]

Honestly thank you so much for calling out the way people are behaving about Joe and his mental health. It’s really gross to see people who claim to care so deeply about Taylor’s own mental health turn around and demonize him because his brain is wonky too and he isn’t 100% perfect from it.

Mental health is not black and white. If he made her feel like her pain was “such an imposition”, then that really sucks and I feel for her. I’ve been her. But I’ve also been Joe, and I seriously seriously doubt it was a conscious decision. For all we know though, maybe she did the same thing to him a few times. They both struggle with their mental health and when you put two people like that together, sometimes things get really really messy.

It doesn’t make either of them bad people. It just means they made mistakes and hurt each other while hurting themselves. It’s an ugly thing that happens but it happens and it’s no one’s fault. I wish people would stop trying to find a bad guy in the breakup that they’re insulting so many people without even realizing it (or caring). Life gets real nasty sometimes, and things aren’t always perfect sunshine and rainbow and pink skies.

They pick and choose when to care and when not to. There are some fans who love the lyrics “she would’ve made such a lovely bride, what a shame she’s fucked in the head” and show empathy towards the protagonist of Champagne Problems, but then they turn around and call Joe out for not committing to Taylor because of his anxiety… like… do you not see the hypocrisy there? Or is mental health only acceptable to you when it’s packaged in a pretty song like champagne problems, and not when it’s more ugly and difficult to understand?

[jjoutermaybanks]

With You In My Head || Rafe Cameron x Reader

part one part two part three part four part five part six part seven part eight

summary: it’s going to be a long summer. living in the Outer Banks with your trailer park mom and fancy mansion dad, you know it’s going to be a tough three months. things only get harder when your best friend’s brother, the notorious Rafe Cameron, begins to complicate your life even more. but will the island’s biggest wildcard successfully steal your heart, or leave you more broken than before?

an: I know Rafe isn’t the best character in OBX, and this fic will definitely feature a different version of him.  I just loved Drew’s performance so much and thought that Rafe had interesting potential, so this is my portrayal of him in a different (less psychotic) way.

word count: 3k

warnings: none yet  

(but can we talk about this gif I mean dear lord this should have its own warning)

*not my gif, credit to owner*

PART ONE

It had to be one of the hottest days of the year.  The sun had been glaring down on your back for hours now, and if it wasn’t for the laborious application of sunscreen you were sure you would’ve been burnt to a crisp.  Not even the sunglasses over your eyes could shield the bright sun streaming onto the beach, and the blue ocean water glittered like diamonds under the rays.  The warm, wet sand you strolled across was a welcome relief from the blistering pathway to get onto the beach, and as the waves lapped at your ankles you let out a contented sigh.

You and Sarah Cameron, your best friend, had been at the beach all day.  Alternating between tanning, swimming, and walking, it had been the most relaxing day you could remember.  Conversation with Sarah was easy, and observing the other beach-goers was just as entertaining.  You could almost feel the stress leave your shoulders and seep into the sand at your feet, washing away with the water.  It was about time; you deserved a little rest and relaxation after such a stressful move.

“So you’re sure you don’t want to live with your dad?” Sarah asked.  “He lives so much closer to me, you know.”  You smiled at her attempt to sway you, but nothing she could’ve said would change your mind.  Recently, the messy divorce of your parents had left a sour taste in your mouth when it came to your dad.  He’d been particularly brutal to your poor mother, so the idea of joining him in his fancy Figure 8 mansion was not something you felt like doing.

Shrugging, you answered, “I want to keep my mom company, you know?  And I don’t mind the trailer--it’s cozy.”  While your dad owned a huge house with a waterfront view, your mother lived in a cramped trailer in The Cut.  You knew it meant a lot to her that you tried to make the place home.

Sarah frowned.  “Cozy, right.  Because walking two feet from the bathroom to the kitchen is “cozy.”  You sighed; Sarah would never understand.  Even though she was one of the nicest, most sincere people you’d ever met, she was a Kook after all.  She had never known anything other than her giant house, so naturally she looked down upon your trailer.  It didn’t really matter to you, though.  Sarah helped you in so many other ways, you let this one area slide.

As you walked, you noticed some dark-haired guy watching you both.  He got to his feet and jogged over, eyes glued on Sarah beside you.  Raising your brows, you held your breath in anticipation for what this would turn into.

“Hey,” the guy said, trying too hard to be smooth.  

Sarah’s smile was fake as she said, “Hey!”  You couldn’t help but chuckle; this happened a fair amount when you were with her.  Something about Sarah was mysteriously alluring, and it was like a magnet to desperate guys everywhere.  You were never jealous, because half the time the guys were pretty gross.  This one was borderline cringey, and you saw how hard he was trying to flex his entire body.

“Tired of walking?  We’ve got cold beer and a volleyball net.”  The guy put his hands on his hips, probably to accentuate his “abs”, but in reality he just looked stupid.

Snickering, you watched Sarah’s smile pinch tighter.  “Gee, what a tempting offer,” she told him, tapping her chin in mock contemplation.  “Gonna have to pass, sorry.”  Hooking an arm around my shoulder, we scurried away from the guy and giggled into our palms, glancing back a few times to see his mortified expression.

“God, what is it about you that turns men into meatheads?” you wondered aloud.  Sarah nudged you, rolling her eyes.

“It’s nothing, just guys being horndogs.”

“They’re never like that with me,” you pointed out, and she sighed.

“Come on, Y/N, you’re gorgeous.  You get your own fair share of horndogs, trust me.  Besides, being approached like that gets really old really quick.”  You shrugged, deciding to agree with her.  You certainly didn’t consider yourself unattractive, but you’d never been the girl everyone paid attention to.

You and Sarah walked about a half mile more, approaching your bags and towels up on the sand.  Three guys stood by your things, shoulders squared and smirks wide as they seemed to judge everything that moved.  The boy on the left was looking at Sarah like she’d skinned his puppy, so you guessed that one was Topper.  Sarah had told you how ugly their relationship had ended, and that Topper had yet to move on.  Clearly he was just as angry today.

Sarah groaned, storming over to her bag and snatching it out of the tallest boy’s hands.  “Rafe,” she snapped, and you recognized her brother’s name.  Rafe Cameron was rarely home when you were over at Sarah’s house, and when he was he was shut away in his room.  Seeing him up close, you noticed his sun-bleached brown hair and easy posture, the way his tan skin stretched over lean muscles.  His smirk was what put you off, though; it was twisted and arrogant, even more so than the two guys next to him.  He also had a cigarette balanced in his hand, the smoke curling around you as you wrinkled your nose.  Who smoked these days?

“Sarah,” he answered formally, giving a little bow.  “Who’s your friend?”  His blue eyes slid over your body, taking in your bathing suit and tanned skin.  You felt self-conscious under his gaze and cleared your throat, pushing your hair over your shoulder.  Rafe took a drag of the cigarette while he watched you squirm.

“I’m Y/N,” you said just as Sarah said, “What’s it to you, Rafe?”  Blushing, you bit your lip while Sarah raised a hand to tell you she had this.  “You’re not going to antagonize another one of my friends, got it?  Y/N doesn’t need to deal with your bullshit.”

Rafe pretended to be offended, putting a hand against his chest.  “Excuse me?  Antagonize?  To whom are you referring, sister?”  The two guys beside him snickered, and you felt a frown come to your lips.

Sarah’s eyes narrowed dangerously.  “Don’t make me remind you, idiot.  You played around with Angela for the entire summer last year.  By the time she left I knew she’d need years of therapy just to get over you.”

Topper clapped Rafe on the back, and he handed him the small butt of the cigarette to discard.  “Alright, fine,” he conceded, eyes drifting over to me.  “I won’t antagonize Y/N.”  When he said your name, shivers ran down your spine, only you couldn’t decide if they were good or bad.

Sarah put a protective arm around you, her glare menacing.  “Get out of here, will you?  We just want to enjoy the beach in peace.”  

Rafe shrugged, signaling for his friends to follow.  Topper sent a final nasty look Sarah’s way, but she only snorted.  Topper’s moodiness no longer affected her, and she was in a much happier relationship with a guy from The Cut named John B.  You liked John B.; not only did he make Sarah happier than you’d ever seen her, he was also a decent guy.  He tried to make you feel included when you third-wheeled with the two of them, and you appreciated his kindness.

After about an hour more of laying around in the sun, you and Sarah called it quits.  She offered to give you a ride home, but you declined.  Walking cleared your head, and besides you knew it would make your mom feel bad to see a fancy Kook car pulling up to her less-than-fancy trailer.

Wandering through town, you sighed contentedly again.  Even with all of your family drama, you couldn’t help but love the Outer Banks.  Everyone was so easy-going and carefree, and you knew this was the energy you needed.  

Making your way through The Cut, you felt at home among the thick trees and various trailers.  It wasn’t nearly as nice as where Sarah and your dad lived, but you loved this area too.  It was a close-knit community that had welcomed you and your mom with open arms, and for that you were grateful.

You passed by a familiar house, and looked over to see a familiar figure waving from the porch.  “Y/N!” he called out, and you broke into a grin.  JJ Maybank was one of the first people you’d met here, and he quickly became your favorite neighbor.  Funny, charismatic, and incredibly loyal, JJ never failed to boost your spirits.

“What’s up, Maybank?” you greeted when he joined you.

“You look sun-kissed and happy.  Beach day I assume?”  Judging by his boots and sweaty shirt, you guessed JJ had been working on something.  Maybe the mechanics of his boat or cutting the lawn.  JJ was always up to some sort of antics, and you knew it was better not to ask too many questions.

“Oh yeah, spent the whole day fending off Sarah’s many many suitors,” you joked.  JJ was no stranger to the effect that she had on guys, and it made his best friend John B. more than a little paranoid.

“Nah, Sarah’d never go for those schmucks,” JJ insisted.  “The way she hangs over John B., I know he’s the only man for her.”  He batted his eyelashes and swooned, making you laugh.

“You’re definitely right about that.  Hey listen, I’ve gotta run but I’ll see you later.”  JJ saluted and headed back towards his house, and you continued the walk home.

Reaching the trailer, you pushed through the front door and closed it quietly, dropping your bag.  Your mother sat on the couch in the living room, which also doubled as her bedroom since it was a pull-out bed.  She was attempting to flip through the channels of an ancient TV, but judging by the static on the screen it was unsuccessful.

“Hey, mom,” you greeted with a soft smile, plopping down beside her on the sofa.  She sighed and switched off the TV, giving up on trying to watch something.

“How was your day?” she asked distractedly, and your heart sank.  She definitely has something on her mind.

“Great,” you said a little too enthusiastically, trying to get rid of the deep frown on her face.  “Sarah and I must have walked the entire coastline.”

Your mom just nodded, not really listening.  “Look, sweetie, your dad called.”

Immediately you tensed.  Your dad never called unless something was wrong or he wanted something.  “Yeah?” you said slowly, dreading her explanation.

“I think you should go see him.”  Your mother’s smile was bleak and unconvincing.  “He just...he asked how you were doing and mentioned that he rarely sees you anymore.”

“I see him,” you defended, scowling.  “Just...not frequently.”  Things with your dad were incredibly awkward, and you were still bitter about how he handled the divorce.

Sighing, your mother continued, “He’s your father, Y/N.  I think it’d do you both good to spend more time together.”  You knew she felt guilty more than anything.  It was like you’d picked her side in the divorce, which from the outside looked like the case.  You didn’t understand how she could feel bad for a man that treated her so badly.

“Mom, I really don’t think--”

“For me,” she interrupted, and you sighed.  You couldn’t argue with her now; you loved your mother too much to disobey her.  Groaning at the thought of joining your dad for an entire evening, you trudged into the small bedroom and collapsed onto the bed.

You made sure to take your time getting ready, taking a long shower and sitting in front of your closet for almost an hour.  Finally when you couldn’t stall any longer, you checked yourself in the mirror before saying goodbye to your mom, willing time to go as fast as possible tonight.

The house your dad lived in was just as astonishing as ever.  You would never get used to the sheer size of it, the number of windows and extra rooms.  Swallowing roughly, you paced the driveway for a minute, trying to settle your racing heart rate.  

Get it together, Y/N, you scolded yourself, scowling at the pavement.  He’s just your dad.  Truthfully, however, he hadn’t felt like your dad in a long time.  To you he was just a stranger who’d obliterated your life and collected the winnings, flaunting his success in the form of this god-awful mansion.

Inhaling deeply, you forced yourself to ring the door.  The chimes echoed in your head as you held your breath, almost praying the door didn’t open.

But it did, revealing your father.  Clad in an over-priced button down and with carefully sculpted facial hair, you barely recognized him.  He had morphed himself into just another Figure 8 phony, and when he went to kiss your cheek his new beard scratched her skin and made you wince.

“How are you, baby?” he asked as you stepped inside, breathing in the cold air of his house.  It was like a museum with carefully curated furniture and knickknacks.  Your smile was more of a grimace, and you hoped he didn’t notice.

“I’m good,” came your stiff answer.  It was too cold in the house, and goosebumps raised on your skin.  Your father led you into the kitchen where you saw Sarah’s dad leaning against the counter, wine glass in hand.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, spreading his arms for a hug.  You gave an uncomfortable greeting after embracing him, already regretting your agreement to come here.  Sarah’s dad, Ward, had always scared you.  He was a very intense man that you were terrified to cross, and knowing he was friends with your dad only made you dislike your father more.  But the Cameron’s lived very close to here, so you had a feeling Ward would be over a lot.

“Now I know you and Sarah were together all day, but do you have any idea where that girl is now?”  His tone was upbeat and his eyes were empty.  You resisted the urge to clench your fists, and instead forced a grin.

“Probably with John B.  I think she said something about eating dinner with him.”  You knew Sarah was hardly ever home, bouncing between hanging out with you and her boyfriend.  She couldn’t stand her father any more than you could stand your own.

Ward nodded knowingly, his smile tightening.  “Ah, of course.”  You knew he disapproved of John B. just by the way he said his name with such disdain.  Topper had been like a second son to him, and for Sarah to leave him in the dust must have angered Ward.

You turned your attention back to your dad, who poured himself and Ward another glass of wine.  “Want some, sweetie?” he asked you with a chuckle, probably proud of himself for being cool enough to offer alcohol to his daughter.

Fighting off an eye roll, you shook your head politely.  “No, thanks.”  It was bad enough your dad and Ward were borderline drunk; the thought of being tipsy with them made you want to throw up.

“Let me tell you, you look great,” he continued, waving his glass at you.  “Doesn’t she look great?  A lot like your mother, actually.  And well, it makes sense I guess since your mother used to look great too.”  His words were slightly slurred, and you braced yourself at the mention of your mother.  You were standing awkwardly away from the kitchen island, but didn’t want to step any closer to Ward and your father.  So you just stood in the middle of the floor, looking at anything but his face.

Ward nodded.  “Yes, Sarah and Y/N are growing into fine young women.  It’s a reflection of good parenting, you know,” he joked, making your dad laugh.  The sound set your teeth on edge. 

“I only wish Sarah wasn’t so distracted,” Ward critiqued, taking a long swig of wine.  His eyes took on that distant, scary quality they sometimes had that chilled you to the bone.  “It’s that John B., I’m telling you.  He’s got her priorities all twisted.”

Oblivious to Ward’s malice, your father chuckled.  “My Y/N isn’t distracted in the slightest.  She’s right on track for a bright, bright future.”  He lifted his glass in a toast, but Ward just frowned.

Your skin was getting hot as your discomfort grew.  Hearing your father brag about you was infuriating.  He had nothing to do with how good of a daughter you were; that was all your mom.  You took after her work ethic and self-discipline, and all you got from your father was a few genes and a lot of stress.

“So what have you been up to lately besides parading around the beach with Sarah?” your father questioned, sipping his wine.

“Not much,” you responded plainly.  “Just...enjoying summer, I guess.”  You didn’t owe your father any more details than that; if he wanted to know you, he’d have to make an actual effort and change for the better.  Right now, he wasn’t somebody you wanted to know.

He nodded, eyes misting over as if remembering something.  “Summer’s always been your favorite time of year.  I remember when you were little you refused to wear any clothes that weren’t bright yellow, because you said you wanted to look like the sun.”

The memory seared into your mind, bringing with it pain and remorse that you’d spent so long pushing down.  Ward just chuckled at this.

“Sarah went through a similar phase with pink,” he tried to explain, but your dad wasn’t paying attention to him.  He still looked lost in thought.

“You were my little sunshine, Y/N.  Still are, even though you’re older.  You’ll always be my sunshine.”  His smile, rather than warm your heart, only made you sick to your stomach.  After a second you realized you actually felt sick.  The sound of Ward’s chuckles and your father’s patronizing voice was suffocating you, and you couldn’t breathe.  You knew you couldn’t stay here any longer, and the desire for fresh air overtook your brain.

“I-I have to go,” you stuttered, your vision blurry as anxiety began to rattle through your nerves.  You could barely make out your father standing up, reaching his hands out to stop you.  This only fueled your panic and you desperately wanted to avoid being grabbed by him.

“Where are you going, sunshine?” he called after you, but his voice was distorted and quiet.  You ignored him as you pushed out the front door, sprinting as fast and as far away from his as you could manage.

[zarcake-writes]

Rodrak

Here's a winter holiday story featuring a rather handsome orc spending his first Christmas with his partner.

Warnings: Fluff and Christmas stuff 

The cabin is warm and cozy. There’s a fire burning in the fireplace and the air smells sweet, a perfect mixture of the cookies cooling on the kitchen counter and the fresh pine tree in the living room. Above the chimney are two stockings, both are filled with a random assortment of gifts and sweets. Outside, the snow is falling slowly. It’s the first white Christmas you’ve ever had, and it’s beautiful.

“Babe,” comes a voice behind you.

You turn away from the window and smile at your boyfriend, Rodrak. He’s an orc, broad and tall, with long hair that’s pulled into a messy bun at the nape of his neck. He’s wearing sweatpants and a tank top with splits in the sides. Intricate tattoos cover his right arm, shoulder, and part of his chest. There’s a Santa hat on his head.

Rodrak is standing next to a partially decorated Christmas tree that is his approximate height, holding a star and angel in his hand. The tree is covered in lights, some are clear and the rest is a pretty shade of pink. At his feet is an opened box of ornaments.

“Yeah?”

“Which goes on the top? A star or angel?”

“Either.”

He frowns and looks back at the ornaments. “Do they have different meanings?”

You take a moment to think then walk towards him. “I think they both have religious meanings. An angel is obviously Christian. But the star… maybe it’s supposed to be the star that the wise men followed. We’ll use the star.”

He nods and puts the angel away. “So, why the tree? Does that mean anything?”

“Not to Christians. I think it’s a variation of a yule log.”

He nods. “We use a yule log, or something like that, in my clan.”

“Really?”

“Yup. In the old days, before technology and heating systems, every family would need to keep a fire burning all winter long in their homes. The log was usually the first thing to burn, but now we just decorate it. Kind of like what you do with this tree. The Chief of a stronghold usually keeps a fire burning all winter though.���

“Why only the Chief?”

“Tradition, but each hold is different. My uncle kept the fire burning all winter, he took it very seriously. Throughout the winter the kids and elderly in the stronghold would sleep near the fire. And he was there most nights, keeping the fire burning.”

“If he wasn’t there?”

“Then my aunt or one of his kids were there. My mother and father helped a couple of nights too. Why are there lights on the Christmas tree?”

“I don’t know.”

Rodrak turns to you and frowns. “You don’t know? How do you not know?”

“I’m not Christian, babe. Most of Christmas is just commercialized. The lights just make the tree pretty.”

“Then, why do you celebrate it?”

You stop and think. “I… I don’t know. I remember my family staying up until midnight on Christmas Eve and opening gifts. And sometimes there were fights, but I remember being around everyone and being so happy. Even when I got older and the lure of gifts wasn’t as enticing, but I enjoyed staying up with my family.”

“So, it’s a traditional thing, then?”

“Yes.”

He nods and pulls a couple of reindeer ornaments out of the box. “Some clans eat reindeer during this time.”

You snort and place the ornament on the tree. “Poor Rudolph.”

Rodrak laughs and pulls out a bulb. “I saw that when I was younger. It was on tv and I didn’t really know what it was about. I remember asking my mom if Santa was going to visit us.”

“What did she say?”

“She said that’s a Christian thing and that Santa doesn’t visit us. Then she said that even if he did visit us, the only thing I would get is coal.”

You laughed louder than you meant to. “Your mom did tell me how bad you were as a kid.”

“I wasn’t that bad, just curious.”

“Babe, you helped shave your uncle’s beard.”

“Yeah, but my cousins and sister helped.”

“But who was the mastermind?”

Rodrak did his best to hide the smirk on his face and refused to look at you.

“Yeah,” you laughed, “That’s what I thought.”

Rodrak wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you to the couch. “What about you, love? Did you ever get any coal in your stocking?”

“No, because I was a good kid.”

Rodrak lifted an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes.” You tapped his nose. “Plus, I was too smart to get caught doing bad shit.”

“Sneak.”

“I am the sneakiest.”

“That’s how you stole my heart. Snuck right into my life and took it before I knew what was happening.”

You blush and look away. Stereotypes paint orcs as being brutish and hard, with no time for romance or love. But those are wrong, so very wrong because orcs are romantic in their own ways. And Rodrak, he’s the most romantic person you’ve ever dated. From this trip he took you on, to the sweet declarations of love, the man can make any romcom look stupid.

Rodrak laughs at your reaction. His hand cups your chin and he angels your face up. He gives you a smile that makes your heart skip a beat. The love in his eyes never fails to make your chest swell with warmth. His hands-on you, so sweet and gentle, leaves tingles and bumps along your skin.

He leans in and presses a soft kiss to your lips. His lips are soft and taste faintly of the sugar cookies you both made. His tusks rub against your face. They’re smooth and the tips are dull. As intimidating as they appear, nothing about them scares or worries you. It’s a comfort when they rub against your face.

You try to deepen the kiss, but Rodrak pulls away. He gives you a smirk and ignores the pouty look on your face.

“Come on love, let’s finish the tree. Then we can do as much nasty stuff as you want.”

You let out a long sigh. “Fine.”

Rodrak stands and helps you up. He gives you a small tap on the ass when you walk towards the tree. “Dramatic.”

You feign an insulted gasp. “Says the one who had to show off during your Honor the Dead festival.”

Rodrak huffs at the mention of that day. The Honor the Dead festival is an orc holiday that commemorates and remembers their dead. It’s a week-long event that begins November first. Rodrak explained that it is an ancient holiday, originally celebrated to remember every orc that died. From ancient warriors and Chiefs to modern orcs that pushed for social change, they all are remembered.

Rodrak took you to his clan hold to visit during the week-long festival. His family was very excited to meet you and the time you spent with them was fun. Instead of a somber event, the entire hold was buzzing with life. Stories were told about the dead, games were played, and offerings were made. However, there was an incident during the pumpkin throwing contest.

Rodrak grabs a bulb out of the box and frowns at you. “I wasn’t showing off.”

“You insisted you can throw more pumpkins that anyone else.”

“So?”

“Babe, you spent an hour painting them to resemble your cousins and friends. And then you destroyed all ten good pumpkins. It was a huge mess!”

Rodrak gives you a look. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am on your side, love. But it was a gross mess. Pumpkins guts were everywhere. I had some in my hair.”

Rodrak snorts and nods. “Yeah, you did. But I had to do that.”

“Why?”

“For you. I had to show off for you. It’s an orc thing.”

“What?”

“When we bring someone home, a potential partner, we need to prove to our family that we can protect our partner. That we’re serious about them.”

You look up at Rodrak and smile. “You’re serious about me then?”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m deadly serious about you.”

You snort and bump him with your hip. “Dork.”

Rodrak and you spend the next thirty minutes decorating the tree and goofing off. He was very meticulous on where the ornaments were placed. Some of them he didn’t want on the tree, like the random religious ones or the few that you both didn’t understand. Some he said were too ugly to be placed on the tree.

“What does Noel have to do with Christmas? What did she do?”

You look up at him and frown. Noel? Who is he talking about? “What?”

Rodrak holds out a glass ornament for you to see. It’s white but the word Noel is a sparkly silver color. You forgot about that ornament. It was a gift from your grandma at some point.

“This,” Rodrak repeats, “Who is she? Is she one of those Saints?”

“Ohh. Yeah, that’s not a person babe.”

Rodrak looks more confused. “What is it?”

“It was a saying, I believe, to express joy about the birth of Jesus. It also referred to Christmas time at one point.”

Rodrak nods. “Do you want this on the tree? It is very pretty.”

“Nah. We don’t have any religious stuff on the tree, so don’t put that.”

Rodrak gently places it back in its case and puts it somewhere safe.

By the time the star is placed on the top of the tree, it’s late. The fire has dimmed and the snowfall outside is heavier than before. The cookies on the kitchen counter have cooled and just need to be put away.

Rodrak sits on the couch and watches the tree. He’s smiling at the colorful lights and various ornaments. The look on his face and the Santa hat on his head is adorable.

“So,” you ask from the kitchen entrance, “What do you think of the tree?”

Rodrak smiles and looks away from the tree. He gestures for you to sit next to him. “I think it’s pretty. I can see the appeal now.”

You lean your head against his shoulder and take his hand. “Yeah?”

“Yup. When I left my hold and moved to the city, I remember thinking how dumb Christmas trees were. You go to the mall and there are those huge ones with those huge ornaments and they look so… so gaudy. But this,” he gestures to the tree in front of you both, “I like this.”

“I like it too.”

“Honestly, I think I only like it because I did it with you.”

You look up at Rodrak and smile. “I feel the same.”

He smiles back and presses a kiss to your forehead. “What now?”

“We can do whatever we want. The cabin’s ours for a week, the tree is done, and the cookies are put away. What do you want to do?”

Rodrak looks off in thought. After a moment, he smiles and turns to you. You recognize the sparkle in his eyes and can’t help but grow hot.

“I can think of something.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“Something naughty.”

You giggle. “Naughty? Then Santa won’t leave us any gifts.”

Rodrak snorts and picks you up. “Don’t worry, he’ll get such a good show that he’ll leave us many wonderful things.”

You give him a confused look. “Show?”

Rodrak stops in the hallway leading to the bedroom. “Yeah, that song says he’s always watching. So, he’s probably going to watch us fuck.”

You laugh and smack his shoulder. “Dirty man.”

“Hey, I’m not the one watching people when they’re sleeping.”

You giggle and kiss him. Rodrak hums into the kiss and kicks the bedroom door closed, leaving the bright tree alone in the living room.

Outside the snow continues to fall and the temperature steadily drops. But that doesn’t matter, because inside the cabin is warm. There’s a pretty tree in the living room, stockings hanging above the fireplace, and home-cooked food in the fridge. In the bedroom, you’re nestled against Rodrak’s naked body. He holds you against his chest and curls himself protectively around you. The snow can fall all night or forever because inside that cabin is a world of its own.

[jinmukangwrites]

Idk how much you’re a fan of her, but possibly Mar’i Grayson? And I need a sentence so... “She wasn’t expecting this to happen; it wasn’t supposed to be this way.” I’m a little cheating haha, but again idk what your feelings on Mar’i are, though I’d love to see what you do with her!

Slight warning: creepy men being creepy and gross, but in a vague way

-o-o-o-o-

She wasn't expecting this to happen; it wasn't supposed to be this way.

Or really, Mar'i hadn't meant to travel back in time again. The first time was purely to save the world and stop evil, her father and mother was never meant to figure out that they were... Well... Her parents.

That didn't go all to plan, but when she returned to her time with the rest of her team to find the world hadn't changed drastically because of paradoxes, she brushed that all under the table, prepared to go the rest of her life with the precious memory of her parents in their youth.

She really, really hadn't meant to come back, time and space altering supervillains aside.

But here she is, emerging into a grimy alleyway in the flash of a bright light, stumbling on trash. Her stomachs roll, causing her to bend over and take heaving breaths to calm her nausea. It was just chance that her eyes landed on the newspaper abandoned on the grime and rainwater littered street, but it wasn't chance when she bent down and got a closer look at the date with widening eyes.

It's dated decades before her birth. The newspaper is a Blüdhaven printer.

She needs to leave here, and quickly.

Hovever, she finds it's easier said than done. Just walking through the lesser used streets is catching all kinds of attention. Men whistling and catcalling from the shadows, women staring like they want her for something, people of all kinds saying terrible things about her state of dress. Or undress, as most humans see it. She's inherited her mother's love for showing skin, and her father's love of any clothing present being tight. It's so much easier to move and fight in, but here where no one knows her, people think she's asking for something vile.

She could just fly, she thinks. Zip upwards and away, leaving nothing but a trail of purple fire behind her, and find a way home on her own; away from this rotten city and away... away from a man she wishes to perhaps see but doesn't want to be seen by. But she can't, flying in a city unused to Meta's and otherworldly powers would immediately call for suspicion. More people would see her flying than wondering the streets of the city anyway.

Oh dear. Time travel is so messy.

Of course, everything must go wrong sometime, doesn't it? When a man finally touches her, whispering about beds and positions and hands and other nasty things she doesn't want to think about, she thinks this is when it all goes downhill.

She does not wish to be touched by this man. She does not wish to bed with him. He has friends behind him too, muttering about turns and who gets to strip off what's left of her suit, and she thinks she cannot leave this with a simple no thank you.

So she does what she's been taught to do since she was young enough to ask her father about how he flies.

She fights.

She grabs the man's hand and spins, twisting his arm behind his back and then kicking out at the back of his knees and forcing him to pathetically sprawl against the ground, dislocating his shoulder in the process. He screams in pain and she drops his wrist, glaring at the rest of his friends, and not for the first time in her life does she wish Blüdhaven was a normal city. Normal cities would have the rest of them running when they find their target can fight back. But not this one, in this one, they charge forward, their ugly yellow teeth glinting in the lamplight.

The closest makes a mad grasp for her chest, and she shoves the palm of her hand upwards under his jaw hard enough to have him seeing stars for the rest of the night. Another throws a punch at her face, but she easily dodges and flips out of the way, a move her father was all too ecstatic to show her, and knocks his legs out from under him. It's all pathetic. She wishes they would turn and run; leave her alone already so she can figure out how to get home.

But they keep trying, and she's almost considering bringing out the big guns. And by that, the other half of her DNA. Her mother's powers.

But then something black and blue swings through the air, knocking against the temple of one of her attackers with thinly booted feet and instantly causing him to fall into unconsciousness.

When the newcomer lands in the alleyway and fights the rest of them with practiced ease, she wonders if she should run. Well, she knows she should run. But she's enchanted.

He's wearing a different suit than the one she saw on him last time. Black and tight with a single stripe of blue across his chest that reaches towards his fingertips. One of his best suits in histories opinion. Though her father disagrees, he always loved his first one the most, because it worked with the mullet.

The fight is over in seconds, and she realizes it's too late to do a single thing when he turns towards her with his eyes blown wide behind his domino mask.

"It's you," Nightwing... Her father breathes.

And she really, really wasn't planning on this happening. But she smiles at him anyway; waves a hand. "Hi, dad."

[silentsnow777]

Team Fortress Oc Trapper

Please feel free to give critisism on this and everything just don’t be mean please. I’m saying this because i already had unpleasant experiences before. I’m just having fun, that’s all.

Name: Ana Jade Katich

Age: 29

Date of birth: 15th of February 1946.

Place of birth: Serbia, NS Language spoken: Serbian - Native                              English - Fluently                              German - Beginner                              Russian - Medium knowledge (only because of Katja)

Gender: Female Body Type: Muscular, especially upper body due to the weight she is carrying. As for her breast size, she is almost flat.

Hair Color/Style:

Dirty blonde, medium lenght, messy and usually has her hair set a stray until she is scolded by her teamates to tie it up.

Eye Color: Jade green, that's where the middle name came. :3

Height: 5'9'' or 179.83 cm

Weight: 71 kg

Sexuality: Straight

Team: Red

Class Name:

The Trapper (aaaa idk help me out on this one!) /the point is, her class is related to setting up all sorts of traps, slowing down the enemy wip/

Offensive/Defense/Support or other:

Defensive

Scars or Birthmarks: In the '

Military Academy' at one of the exercises her right cheek was almost cut open. After that her injury was sewen up badly by an amateur 'Medic' (her c

olleague) and it healed up leaving an 'ugly scar' ,as Ana would explain the patch on her cheek. Other than that, just basic small scars on her body.

Tattoos: None  

Personality: Very curious, asks too much question if i may add. Annoying at times. Ana is o

ptimistic, persistent and adventurous person. But at the same time also sneaky, sarcastic at times, inpatient and self-centered in some of the situations. But she tries to avoid it.

Disabilities: Memory loss caused by a strong hit in the head

Likes: Destruction, action, challange, of course besides loving destruction she enjoys sitting in peaceful surroundings reading a book or something.

Phobias:  Hydrophobia (let's just say she left that out when she was writing her resume, and none of her colleagues know that <-<) /and yes i am aware that maps have ponds in them but that is another story/

Dislikes: Being treated unequally, lying, being wrong, not getting what she wants

Fears:

For the reason unknown to her, she has a fear of doctors. Also that annoys the shit out of Medic since she never shows up on her checkups and rarely calls him to heal her on the battlefield.           Spiders and anny long legged creature.           Also water, duh.  

Some special items and weapons (i don't know what i tried to do here, i'm trying to be creative :T WIP):  Jar of glue (to slow down the enemies)                Wires connecter to the explosives (yes, i know demoman has similar thing just without wires but this is what i got for now)                Bear traps                More coming when i get inspiration :T

Pets: She used to have a dog. A female Dachshund to be exact called Masha. But the dog is decesed since Ana was 14. (i gave her my beloved dog T-T, i miss you Masha aaaa)

Family: Mother Katarina 52 years old - Status: Alive                                                         Current place of residence: Serbia             Father Fabian 51 years old - Status: Alive                                                       Current place of residence: America

Friends: Katja             Feel free to ask

Bio: Being the only child in the wealthy family, Ana never actually had to take care of anything. Her life was easy, well apart from the argues  she had with her dad who was obsessed with the fact that she wasn't born male. He wanted his child to continue his work as a mercenary but as a woman, that would be really hard if not impossible. But Ana being stubborn , wanted to prove differently. She comfronted her parents about her plan and while mother was being against it, her dad was actually really supportive. He even told her an old friend of his held an 'Military Academy' where she could be send to until she gets enough training. Of course, she was thrilled about it, she could finialy make her father proud and do something with her life. So, when she turned 15, she went there instead of going to the highschool. At the beginnig of a progam everyone was assigned a partner they were sopose to spend all the years at the academy with. Her partner was a girl named Isabella who was an orphan and was taken in by the owner. Over years they became close friends. At the age of 18, Ana's parents divorced for the unknown causes besides their marriage always being at the edge. But Ana never found out what was the reason her parents finally decided to divorce. Her mother flew back to their home town, allowing Ana to stay with her father until she finishes academy. When she was 25 Ana finaly finished her time at the academy and she was ready to be hired by her father or at least somebody else. But right after her first mission, she had a nasty accident where she hit her head and lost her memory. She was sent back to her mother, her hair shaved of do to the fact her head wound needed to be stiched up. Luckily she didn't get any other mental dissorter apart from memory loss. She didn't remember who the employeer who hired her was, what she was doing, not even the last days from the academy. Years passed, her hair grew back and when she turned 29 she decided to try her luck as a merc in Teufort. After 2 times of her resume being declined she finaly got hired. And that's where the comic starts~

Other:

Ana is obsessed with cleaning, not to that point where she is a Germophobe but she just likes her stuff clean.

She doesn't know how to swim. (i mean, she is a hydrophobe, what do you expect)

Also she doesn't know how to drive, she never found a reason to.

I didn't add that in the ref sheet, but she is wearing a backpack. I mean, where else would she keep all her traps in. Also that makes her run slower since of the heavy 'luggage'.

She is oftenly mistaken as a guy because of her looks and her behaviour.

Her googles were given to her by her dad and for that reason she wears them most of the time.

Her father is a top surgeon and a very powerful mand.

Quotes:  

After killing more then one enemy in 20 seconds: ''Oh wow, i progressed.'' or ''You should've just give up'' Destroying a building: ''They were destroyed as they worked, by being hit.'' Kill assist: ''Hey, we make a pretty good team!'' or ''That was awesome!'' Domination: ''Guess i'm winning then!'' or ''You are pretty weak to be honest.'' Dominating a Scout: ''But i thought you were the fastest one 'ere?!'' or ''I'm sorry kid, better luck next time!'' Dominating a Soldier: ''But you have a granade launcher! Use it!'' or ''And you call yourself a soldier?'' Dominating a Pyro: ''Bruh, you got extinguished.'' or ''Guess i'm to cool for ya, eh?'' Dominating a Demoman: ''Hey, your liver is fallin' out.'' or ''Znas, maybe you could get to my level if you stop drinking.'' Dominating a Heavy: ''Hah! And you call ME small!'' or ''Sasha won't save you now big guy!'' Dominating a Engineer: ''Maybe you should hit your machines harder next time.'' or ''A toaster would show more resistance.'' Dominating a Medic: ''I never even liked doctors.'' or ''Well i guess the one needing healing now is you!'' Dominating a Sniper: ''I don't like Aussies anyways.'' (she honestly has nothing against them, she just likes to annoy the heck outta him) or ''You're skinny as hell, tell me, are you anorexic?'' (<-- that is not me trying to make fun of anorexic people, i'm just trying to get into Ana's personality, she's a douche sometimes) Dominating a Spy: ''But i thought you could get invisible?'' or ''Am good enough now asshole?'' Sudden death: ''Aaah, shit...'' or ''W-what? When?'' Set on fire: ''I'm on fire! Literally!'' or ''I'll rather burn alive then jump into the water!'' Hit by a Jarate, Mad Milk etc: ''Ah! Ewww..." or ''Odvratno!'' /gross/ Teleportation: ''Hey, i didn't know this actually exist!'' or ''Thank you Engie!'' Healed by Medic: ''Thanks, i guess?'' or ''Danke doktore!'' or ''Thanks doctor!'' I'll add more later :T Team Fortress 2 (c) Valve

[rikirachtman]

So, not really sure how to go about saying this. I don’t think there’s any non-melodramatic way to say “I’m about to kill myself” lmao. It’s a pretty heavy thing to have to publicly announce. My head’s a little scrambled at the moment, partly out of fear, partly out of exhaustion, partly out of just sheer emotion making it difficult to think coherently. If this whole thing ends up a little messy then I apologize, you’d think I’d sorta put more effort into what could be the last thing I ever write. I’m also pretty long-winded, scatterbrained, and like to ramble, so this is going to be a very, very long note.

It’s hard to pinpoint one specific reason why this is happening. Primarily I think it’s loneliness; I’ve been in three relationships in my entire life, all three of which have been long-distance deals, so there’s that. I’ve never had very many friends; people that talk to me on occasion, but that’s few and far between and I still spend long periods just too scared to leave the house. I know I’m pretty damn repulsive, and having not hugged or even touched another human being in months admittedly makes me feel just a tad more repulsive; I guess I’m just lonely, emotionally, physically, in general. I’ve spent every birthday since I was 11 alone in my room. I know I just kinda creep/gross people out, and that accounts for why I don’t really have any friends to hang around (I do have some, but still I don’t wanna overstay my welcome with them). The breakups I’ve experienced have pretty much been life-altering experiences for someone as bad at coping with loss as I am, and recent events concerning my previous ex have pretty much sent me over the edge, leaving my current partner to have to deal with me crying and moping about someone that I broke up with long ago anyway. I definitely make an effort to hide it (I think a lot of folks see me as disgusted by the concept of love pffft), but truth be told I think it’s the only thing that makes me happy anymore. Having what I had with my first girlfriend (who I remain friends with to this day) was an incredible experience, and the second was good too, up until the end when things fell apart thanks to my own mistakes, in both cases. My current boyfriend (yeah, sorry to my family for not really coming out about the whole “bi” thing until my death lmao, but uh there you go, hope nobody’s too disappointed) is an amazing human being who, frankly, I don’t deserve. I’d do anything to see him, but being separated like this is too much for me to handle. I can barely take another second of the jealousy I get when I see happy couples together everywhere I go and we’re still here separated. The fact that I have someone AT ALL is amazing of course, I truly thought I’d die alone, but I guess the bad things in life have outweighed the good.

There’s also the fact that I’m just in general kind of a piece of shit. I’m ugly, dishonest, completely talentless, hypocritical, overweight, over-emotional, unintelligent, lazy, whiny, weak, cowardly, I couldn’t think of a simple positive trait I possess. On top of being broke, alone, and sorta in the middle of nowhere, I’ve really got nothing going for me. The only thing I wanna do with my life is play music, and that’s not exactly gonna make me any money. I’ve been making plans for this since roughly the time of my first breakup, which I think again illustrates how absolutely garbage I am at letting go of things pffft. If that’s not enough, my second partner now being involved with someone new is one of the major events that’s sent me completely over the edge recently, which is pretty goddamn slimy for someone already in a relationship with an amazing human being, who has saved my life multiple times now. I’ve missed enough school (not through dislike of school, but because the stress is too much for my weak mind to deal with) that I think I’ve effectively thrown any future career options out the window. Ultimately I think it’s better for everyone if I’m gone; I’m unimportant, irritating, generally just not someone that I believe would be missed. A few of you might be upset for a while, I know, but you’d get over it, you’d get over me, I promise. I don’t feel the world is losing anything with me gone; at best it’ll be gaining something, assuming that I’m remotely important enough to cause any change either way pffft.

There’s so many lovely people out there who I’ve met in my life and I wish I could say goodbye to each and every one of you. Every person I’ve ever met has been an important part of this journey, even if I’ve had bad times. My mom, my dad, my brother, my grandparents, Sam, Lehi, Seth, Alyssa, Carrie, Cole, Zeke, Hala, Ian, Heidi, Dan, Ryvre, Brittany, Randi, Gray, Andrea, Athena, Maddie, Zeke, Josiah, Emma, Sinead, Koko, Natasha, Cierra, Kinzie, Morgan, Lily, Elia, Tyson, Jordan, Grace, Adie (you probably won’t ever read this, but still). Just to name a very, VERY small portion of the souls that I’ve encountered throughout my life, and whether we’ve had good times or bad times, I think everyone has had an affect on me in some way, which I’m forever grateful for. I’m sorry, however, that I couldn’t take that effect and put it to some use, and instead I’m squandering any potential I MAY have had (unlikely but eh) by ending my life.

I know some people might be hit harder than this by others. Mom, I know this is going to hurt you a lot, I know you’re going to feel at fault, or feel like your life is over. Please don’t think that, please. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain I’m inflicting on you by forcing to lose one of your own children, and I’m so, so, so sorry. I love you, please carry on, please be strong, please don’t blame yourself. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, thank you for raising me, I’m sorry things went this way. This goes for my brother, my dad, all my other relatives. I was lucky to have a good family, I’m grateful for that, truly. 

My closest friends, both those I’ve made in real life and those I’ve met on the internet because I’m a loser lmao, I love you all too, very much. My loneliness would be far more powerful if you weren’t all around for me. You’ve all contributed positively to my life, and I really hope I’ve been able to contribute to your lives as well. I wish I could go see each and every one of you before I do this, but I know I’m kind of a pain to be around and that’s understandable. I hope you all have great lives.

My boyfriend, Sam, who has outright saved my life multiple times and been a constant force of positivity in my life since we met. We’ve only known each other a short time, but it feels like so much longer, it feels like I’ve known you forever. I’m sorry I never got to see you in person, it was one of the last things I was holding out for, but it just looks so difficult to do at this stage. Please don’t blame yourself, please know you helped me hold on a lot longer than I would have without you. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get over my past relationships, I can’t imagine how much that hurt you, dealing with that, with my moping, while you stayed up all night every night helping me. Thank you. You’re going to do great things with your life, I promise you, you’re an angel, my angel, don’t let this break you. Be safe, be brave, carry on like you always do, because you’re strong. I love you so much.

Now, with my long history of generally being a fuck-up, there’s a pretty massive chance I’m going to mess this up too. With my limited resources, I’ve had to choose a pretty risky method of hanging (shower curtain road is the strongest thing in this house lmao), and so it’s very likely the rod will break and I’ll fall. Now I want to make it clear that if that happens, if for whatever reason I end up paralyzed, brain damaged, or otherwise unable to communicate my wishes, I ask that you PLEASE, PLEASE end my life. Life is agonizing enough as it is, I cannot spend the rest of my days as vegetable. I am begging anyone who will listen to please just fucking kill me if I end up like that, I can’t do it, I’m too scared. If I do survive mostly unharmed and okay, then fuck, I dunno, maybe the experience of a failed suicide will make me realize “hey, I DO want to live after all”. I hope it does, because I don’t want to survive and still feel the way I do. But Jesus, this NEEDS to happen, one way or the other.

My head is really starting to hurt now, I’ll admit that the prospect of staring eternity in the face is a little scary. I don’t know what lies beyond death; I hope nothing, no existence, no thought, no feeling. That may sound scary now, but it won’t be once you get there because…I mean, you just WON’T be there to be scared in the first place. The idea of an eternity, no matter what kind, terrifies me, especially a hellish one. The fear of the afterlife, along with the fear of the pain and fear that will be going through my mind when I die, are the most major things that have stopped me from killing myself much sooner. However, the fear of life has overcome the fear of death, and I’m ready to try it.

I don’t really know what else to say. Anyone who wants my stuff can take whatever they’d like (unless mom wants to keep all my stuff, which is absolutely okay too), please choose a good picture (like I dunno, my current Facebook one or something) to use at my funeral (again, assuming anyone would show up, which is pretty unlikely haha, but ah well - bottom line, just don’t use one of those gross pictures of me in 7th grade, nasty stuff), please don’t dress me in my horrible pyjamas that I’m about to die in for the funeral, and again, please kill me if I become paralyzed/brain damaged/et cetera. I am so sorry for all the bad things I’ve done in my life, I’m sorry for inflicting my existence upon those who’d had to put up with it. I shouldn’t have been born in the first place, but better late than never, right?

I guess that’s that then. If I die I die, if I live I live, and if it’s the latter case then I’ll let you guys know. Once again, thank you all for having been a part of my life, I enjoyed it, I just didn’t enjoy myself. My dreams of starting a band, traveling the world, having children, those things might never be realized, but I didn’t deserve them anyway. I’m sorry to end this on such a whiny note, I really wanted to make this a little more lighthearted, I just don’t have it in me right now. My head hurts, I’m scared, but this has to be done.

I love you all, so very much, thank you for having made my experience in life better.  -Matt

[arielmagicesi]

Hi, sorry. So I am new to the st/efvater world, and I've only read one of her books (raven boys), and like I see you posting stuff about her a lot, but only like little bits and pieces, and I feel like I'm missing something and don't understand what's going on cause I'm not really in the fandom; I've just read one book, and don't really know anything about her. I'm sorry, this is rambling mess, but if you could enlighten me a little bit I would appreciate it.

OK I took a while to respond and I’m gonna try to be objective and polite but there isn’t a whole lot of objective politeness in this soul of mine, but I will try.

Maggie St/efvater (I only spell it that way so it doesn’t show up in her tag and annoy people, I’ll just call her Maggie for the rest of this post) is this fairly popular YA author, and she wrote the Wolves of Mercy Falls series, the Scorpio Races, and the Raven Cycle. Her writing is very good (I have some bones to pick about it as a writer but mostly it’s pretty good) and the Raven Cycle in particular has gained a big fandom because it’s an excellent series. I guess you would know cause you’ve read TRB- the concept is unique, it has cool magic stuff, there’s fascinating character concepts, and the teenagers do a lot of realistic teenager stuff like being annoying and cursing and either doing their homework or not, etc. And if I haven’t made it abundantly clear with my posts, a lot of us in the fandom fell in love with the main characters for many reasons, but especially because they represent parts of ourselves that aren’t often represented. Abuse victims who don’t react in a Good Abuse Victim way, poor teenagers who scrape and claw to get out of their shitty towns, mentally ill kids who have ugly unpleasant symptoms, girls who are feminists but whose feminism is a little messy because they grow up in a terrible small town, etc.

Unfortunately, the development of the Raven Cycle fandom online, like the development of ANY goddamn fandom on the accursed Internet, led to some gross pockets of fandom. In the second book, an abusive character called Ka/vinsky shows up, and some heavy subtext suggests that he’s gay and into one of the main characters, Ronan. He’s absolutely awful and monstrous to Ronan and the others, but you know how fandom is, they started shipping it and being like “Ka/vinsky’s just a misunderstood cinnamon roll uwu” and generally being the worst about it. Additionally, some parts of fandom started hating on the two lower-class characters, Adam and Blue, for not always being sweet and nice about the class privilege of all their wealthy friends, and for reacting "badly” to literal abuse and sexism.  so the fandom is a mess, yeah

In the second and third books, also, (spoiler alert I guess? I mean if you follow my blog you can’t avoid knowing this haha) it’s suggested and then made all but direct canon, that Ronan is gay and has a crush on Adam. So, like, everyone shipped it because they’re a great ship and it was pretty obvious it was gonna be made canon in book four.

But Maggie interacts a lot with the fandom online, and obviously the clashing of fandom issues like this with any author would lead to some mess, but the way she treated it was....... terrible. She would make jokes about Ronan being Gansey’s “dog” and things like that. She milked the whole “writing a gay character” thing for all it was worth, and would never really say “hey, Adam and Ronan are a romantic thing” but would hint at it constantly, which, if you don’t know, is agonizing to watch when you’re desperate for any representation of your identity. She eventually said “I realize you guys are used to being baited, so don’t worry, the ‘other kiss’ will be between the people you hope it’ll be between” or something like that. And she would talk about Ronan being gay, but never address whether Adam was bi, and god forbid those words were used in the books. In the fourth book, although they do actually kiss and presumably get together, they don’t talk about it, and they never use the words “gay” or “bisexual.” Her excuse was that she’s writing for a world without labels. Leaving aside that that’s bullshit and a straight* woman doesn’t get to say that when we are out here in a homophobic world and saying our labels out loud is a sign of pride, she actually didn’t write a world without labels. The aforementioned Ka/vinsky is constantly using homophobic slurs to describe Ronan, boys at the private school make homophobic jokes, Adam’s dad makes lowkey homophobic remarks, etc. So labels are OK if they’re nasty and negative and used against you, but you’re never allowed to say who you are out loud.

When she gets called out on this whole mess- or a number of other things**- her response is to block people, tell people “if you are hostile one more time you’ll be blocked,” to reply to private posts by teenagers, to sic her army of clueless fans on young LGBT mentally ill readers, to claim that she’s being bullied and attacked, to make vague posts talking about “callout culture” and how it’s mature to avoid “discourse,” etc. I talked a while back about how I’ve made several fully thought-out posts critiquing her, but when I sent her a polite ask about her next book, she replied linking me to one of my own joke posts about “hating” her, making it clear that she apparently has me down on some sort of list of haters or something. And at least she responded privately, so that her other fans didn’t attack me, which has happened to other younger fans before.

She claims to be an ally, but she only really wants the ally points. She’ll talk your ear off about how brave she is for “writing an on-page queer relationship” as a straight woman, but when actual queer teenagers critique her for the way she writes it, she throws a fit and absolutely refuses to listen. She doesn’t want to do the work.

Additionally, she is writing a follow-up series called “the dreamer trilogy” which she drops constant hints about on her social media. It will center on Ronan (naturally, because she’s admitted Ronan is her self-insert and has butchered his character development for the sake of giving him a life identical to hers and fulfilling her fantasies of driving fast cars 24/7 and being an asshole with no consequences) and she’s making it increasingly obvious that none of the other characters we all fell in love with will feature at all. And basically any plotllines we enjoyed, she scraps (often out of spite?), and any plotlines we hate, she makes sure to write tons about (I’m talking about the magical artifact community. No one cares. We started reading for the house of psychics and Glendower and Gwenllian, not the fucking Greenmantles and their haunted doll babies or whatever).

The fandom obviously responded with like “ooh! more Pynch!” because like, fandoms like ships, but ALSO BECAUSE some of us are goddamn LGBT teenagers who are starving for representation and we want to see that “on page queer relationship” she brags about. And yet, at every opportunity, she makes remarks like, “This won’t be a romance. It won’t be the cuddle trilogy. It won’t have relationship drama, that doesn’t interest me. It won’t be fanservice. It won’t be lovey dovey, it won’t be cute, etc.” No, I don’t want fanservice or drama or the cuddle trilogy. But given her history, when Maggie says shit like that, I get worried, as someone who’s been baited a thousand times before. Doesn’t anyone see how awful it is to dangle representation like this? To say “ooh, look, someone who has the same identity as you? Juuuust kidding I’m not writing about it?” She can’t just say what we want to hear, which is “Adam will be there. I’ll say the word gay. I’ll say the word bisexual. Their relationship will be treated as real as Blue and Gansey’s or as any other relationship I write. Not the main focus of the plot, but THERE.” Because she’s not GOING to do any of those things, because writing actual gay relationships makes her uncomfortable. But she can’t say that or she’ll lose her sales.

And when she says all this bullshit about “I won’t write a romance” she gets so much FUCKING praise from her straight readers who think she’s the sun and fucking stars because their shit brand of feminism thinks all romances are equal and romance is insipid drivel and that a feminist book, apparently, is one token white girl who has a pink switchblade being sort-of in the background of a bunch of rich boys fucking around. I’m not saying I didn’t like that very book and that I don’t love that girl and her switchblade, but Maggie has to actually LEARN and IMPROVE and not go backwards. If she wants all this credit for gay representation, she has to actually write gay representation. And if not, I’m not congratulating her for “not writing relationship drama!!!!” because all that says to me is “yuck, I’m not writing gay stuff.” She says “relationship drama doesn’t interest me” and yet she wrote pages upon pages of Blue’s mother making out with a hit man. Relationship drama sure does seem to interest her. This isn’t her taking a Stand against romance, it’s her finding a way to make homophobia seem cool and progressive.

So yeah. That’s why she pisses me off.

*I know I know, “she’s never said her sexuality! How can you call her straight?” On the off chance she’s bisexual (she’s married to a man with kids), that doesn’t excuse her homophobic bullshit. She’s acting like an asshole straight person so yeah I’m gonna call her straight.

**Here are some other problems she’s been called out for and her bullshit reactions:

-Blue is basically the only female character and has no female friends or anything. Maggie says “well none of them had friends!” OK so why isn’t there another girl in the group? Why is her family the only other women who have page time besides villains and other relatives of main characters?

-Gansey gives Adam a lot of grief for not being fond of Gansey’s wealth, but Adam never makes Gansey apologize for blaming Adam for the abuse he endured? Maggie doesn’t have a comment on this, I don’t think.

-In book four, Ronan and Adam make racist jokes at the expense of the One (1) character of color, Henry Cheng. Maggie didn’t address this outright because “spoilers” but made a post about it saying that it wasn’t meant to be a racist joke, it was a throwback to some random joke from book one, and any good reader would know that.

-Blue isn’t a very intersectional feminist, which is fine, but it’s never really addressed, apparently because “all the characters are damn fools!” Who never get any character development except for Adam whose development essentially consists of “I stopped being prejudiced against the rich!” (and lots of other personal things but still)

Yeah, that’s about all I can think of. This didn’t end up being very neutral but I have class in 10 minutes and yeah this is hella long I just wanted to get it all out. I hope I don’t get shit for this, but you know what, anons? Go ahead, send me stuff saying I’m a nasty bitch and should stay away from fandom for criticizing poor Maggie. I don’t even care.

OH AND THEBROKENBREAKINGSEAS: THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTION. I know I answered in a horrifically mean tone but that ISN’T directed towards you, you were just asking! Don’t take my words at face value, I’m super biased. If you’re interested, you can go read Maggie’s blog and Twitter account, or other fans’ essays on this, etc. I’m glad you asked! And thanks for still following me after all this stuff haha. I’m normally... nicer? I think? Thanks again.