#like ‘what the fuck is this this is gross’ ‘well youre not suppose to fuckign sip it knives ur supposed to shoot it back’ ‘that’s stupid’

[anachronistic-falsehood]

i think knives should get high and play minecraft and maybe he’ll calm down a bit. maybe have some earth shattering sex while he’s at it idk. maybe he won’t kill humanity if he has some weird gay sex maybe. u ever think of that. maybe do all three things at once jsut to cover all ur bases idk. one of those three things would definitely fix him tho

[its-your-mind]

okay so like. Kim dokja is definitely allergic to tomatoes, right? (see: this post) Like he thinks he just doesn’t like them but it’s because they taste like burning? Spicy fruits? Leave a film in his mouth for hours? Like he has no idea why everyone Fucking Loves This Fruit cuz it Fucking Sucks

anyway hc that it’s ysg who finally actually figures out somethings wrong bc. yjh has taken it as a Personal Challenge to sneak tomatoes into Something and get Kim Dokja to say he likes it, except no matter how buried in a recipe they are, kdj immediately notices and like. throws a fork at him. one time after the fork misses yjh (he is very fast and has honed all of his senses. the only forks that hit him are the ones he lets hit him. (nothing goes over my head. my reflexes are too fast. I would catch it.) omg wait he WOULD say that though okay anyway) and sticks into the wall, handle out, kdj just starts ranting about how he just doesn’t understand why yjh uses tomatoes in everything when they’re like. spicier than chili peppers, and there is an ALMOST FULL jar of gochujang RIGHT THERE that he could use to achieve the spice and it would be WAY BETTER AND EASIER. Cuz tomatoes don’t even add flavor to food, they just overpower anything they’re in! and they leave such a horrible gross film in your mouth and you can’t even make it go away with water and…

and then yjh is like. hold the fuck up. is that how all my food with tomatoes tastes to you??? and kdj is like. yes???? Is it not supposed to??????? why do you put tomatoes in it then?!?!??!?? and yjh is like CUZ THEYRE SWEET AND PROVIDE A GOOD FLAVOR BALANCER TO SPICE????????? and kdj is like BALANCE????????!?!?!! and before they start fuckign. attacking each other with swords. ysg is like wait Dokja-ssi have tomatoes always tasted like that to you? both cooked and raw tomatoes? and kdj is like. ??? yes??? do they not taste like that to you? and ysg is like no and I don’t think they’re supposed to. and lsh is like hold on. have you never been allergy tested before? and kdj’s like ??????? No????? and so she’s like well we can go to my office tomorrow but it sounds like you’re allergic to tomatoes. and kdj’s like what? the fuck?? SO THEYRE NOT SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE POISON meanwhile in the background yjh is having a full internal breakdown bc apparently he has been going OUT OF HIS WAY to feed the love of his life something that is ACTIVELY HARMING HIM and so when kdj turns around to gloat like hA I tOLD you tomatoes were awfu— why are you hugging me WhY aRE YOU CrYING and then before yjh can say ANYTHING he’s like NO WAIT ITS FINE ACTUALLY I CAN EAT THE TOMATOES I DONT WANT YOU TO HAVE TO GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO MAKE ME SPECIAL ALLERGY FOOD and everyone is just staring at him agape or facepalming bc ofc he would complain and gripe and moan when it was just a personal preference but as SOON AS IT WAS AN ACTIVE DANGER TO HIS LIFE he insists that it’s fine. Yjh just glares at him until he trails off mid word. and then yjh turns around to grab everything out of the fridge that has tomatoes in it but lgy and sys are WAY AHEAD OF HIM and have already started a bonfire in the yard and are just hurling every tomato-touched food item in the house into the flames. tomatoes never cross the kimcom threshold again. hsy finds all of this fucking hilarious until she realizes they’ll never be allowed to bring pizza into the house again (don’t look at me like that yoo joonghyuk it’s Selena Kim’s fault you shouldn’t have let her into the group regression if you didn’t want her american food tastes to spread)

[xuxibelle]

Little White Lies 3

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Word count: 3,963

Warnings: Angst, violence, mentions of blood, swearing, Tom Holland, Holland Twins, Zendaya (mentioned as "Z")

Requested: No.

Summary: Y/N left with Tom and disappeared at the store. What happened to her? Do they find her? Is she okay? Is she even alive?

He turns around to hand the clerk th credit card and sign for the items while you walk over to the window to look outside. "Alright. I'm done here. You ready to go?" Tom says as he turns around. He doesn't see you at the window. "Y/N..." he calls your name. He looks around the store quickly before running outside and shouting your name. "Y/N!!"

"She's gone." Tom says angrily into the phone when someone answers.

"WHAT?" he hears Harrison shout on the other end. "What happened?"

"I don't know. We were standing at the register. I took out the card to pay and she walked to the window. I was signing and I put the card in my wallet. I asked her if she was ready to go and got no response," Tom explained. He heard a heavy sigh.

"Son of a..." he heard Harrison say before there was a crash in the background.

"I'm sorry," Tom tells him. "I should have..." Harrison cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

"No. It's not your fault. I should have done more," Harrison told him. "Any clues? Which store are you at?" Tom started looking around.

"Uhm... I'm at the store where we have the tab. I don't really see any... Wait... There's a matchbook. That wasn't there when I walked in." Tom says in a hurry.

"You're sure?" Harry asks, as Harrison had put him on speaker earlier.

"Positive. And it has her scent on it," Tom tells them.

"Logos? Phone numbers? Anything?" Sam asks.

"Yea... Adelaide's" Tom says quietly as the line goes silent. The guys at the house all look at each other. What did this mean?

"Fuck... Okay, well nothing you can do from there. Just come home and we'll figure it out," Harrison grumbled. Tom jumped in his car and sped home. Harry and Sam met him outside to help carry in what he had bought before they met in the living room. "What are we gonna do? We know it has to be the wolves." Harrison said as he looked at the guys.

"I can go talk to Destiny again," am offered. Harrison shook his head no.

"No. None of you are to go to that place alone, understood?" he commanded. They all nodded their head in agreeance.

"What about Z?" Tom suggested.

"What about her?" Harrison asked. Tom gave him a look that said he should know what Tom is talking about. "Please spell it out for me, I don't know what you're trying to say."

"She's a witch. Y/N is a human. She can do a locator spell..." Tom explained.

"Fucking hell... I've never loved you more in my life. Go get her... Please," Harrison said excitedly as he hugged Tom and shoved him towards the door. "Take someone with you!" Tom grabbed a couple of the guys in one of the spare rooms that weren't busy and had them go with him in case something happened. Luckily, this time nothing did. Tom made it back in record time.

"Z, good to see you," Harrison said as he walked over to hug her.

"You too, Haz. So what's up with this chick? Tom wouldn't tell me much," Z tells him making him laugh. Harrison nods to the living room where they all take their seats once again.

"Okay, so... I ran into her one day and since then I've felt drawn to her... like so drawn to her that I can't pull away, ...but she's human," Harrison tells her.

"And?" Z says flatly.

"Sam came up with the idea that she might be my Tuhinga... then Tom and Harry got on board with that idea thinking that I'm supposed to turn her and we're supposed to have Dhampir babies," Harrison continues. Z looks at him very unimpressed.

"Is this really why I'm here? To help you with your love life?" she asks, her voice laced with sarcasm. Harrison laughed as he brought his hand to the back of his neck and rubbed.

"Uhh... no. See, she's been kidnapped and we need you to find her," he told her.

"You know who took her?" she asked. Harrison nodded. "Who?"

"Damien Zayn," he admitted.

"Fuck me... Werewolf King, huh... and I bet he's trying to link her too... isn't he?" she asked.

"H-how did you know that?" Harrison asked as his eyes went wide.

"Felt a disturbance in my powers. Okay then, if all of this is true and she is your Tuhinga, we need to hurry. Sam, get my bag please. Let's get started," she tells them. "Clear out a space on the floor wide enough for a table." The guys move some furniture around in the living room to give her the space she needed. Z lays down a large white sheet in the middle of the space, arranging crystals in a grid all around it. "Do you have a map?" she asks. Z sits a candle at the 4 corners of the crystal grid and lights them. Harry runs to the library and grabs one of the maps he had just put in there the day before and hands it to her. "Perfect." She lays it in the center of the crystals. She reaches in her bag, pulling out a container of black dust that the guys don't recognize. She pours it in a pile in the center of the map before she closes her eyes. Holding her hands above the map, she begins to speak in a language the guys don't understand. The flames on the candle begin to rise as the dust starts to form a line.

"It's working," Harry whispered.

"Quiet," Tom whispered back as he nudged him. Z started chanting faster making the flames rise higher. Harrison's gaze never left the dust on the map, always watching where it went. As Z's chanting got as fast as it could, the flames burst high and went out with a spark making the guys jump back. When the lights were turned back on, Z had fallen to the floor. "Z, you alright?" Tom asked as he bent down to her.

"Yea, I'm good. Just one of the perks of the job," she joked with a smile. "There's your girl," she tells Harrison as she points to the map. The dust had made a circle around a spot on the map. Harrison stared at it as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. There was nothing out there... it was empty land... or was it?

"Thanks, Z. We owe you," Harrison told her as he hugged her again.

"Go get her," she smiled at him.

"Rest before you go, please," he told her. She gave him a nod. "Let's go guys." The four of them left to go where the map had shown them. "Fuck, there's nothing out here," Harrison says as he looks out the window. Harry's driving them down a dirt road in the direction the map said to go. Trees started passing their view more and more until they were in a forest. The land started rising up on the right to form a mountain.

"Stop!" Tom and Sam shout at the same time.

Go back," Sam tells Harry. He puts the Jeep in reverse until Sam tells him to stop. "There's a trail there. You can barely see it. We almost missed it. Has to be where she is." They all look at each other and nod. Harry turns the Jeep and continues up the new path slowly. This new road leads them to a dead end where they all let out a collective groan. They all climb out and look around for a minute.

"This is it," Tom says.

"How? It's a dead end," Harry tells him.

"I don't know. We need to look around. I smell her," Tom tells them as he starts searching frantically for a clue. They all spread out to look for some sort of sign to lead them to where Y/N is. "Here!" Tom says excitedly when he finds an entrance to a cave hidden behind some greenery.

"Okay guys... This is the beginning... Please be careful. I don't want any of us getting hurt. Let's just get her home, yea?" Harrison tells them before they walk into the cave. They walk down a long dark corridor for what feels like forever until it splits off into 3 paths. "Fuck... why can't anything ever be fucking easy?" Harrison curses under his breath. "Can you smell her?"

"Yea... she's fucking everywhere down here..." Tom sighs. "I guess we split up now," he tells them. They all hug before they go their separate ways in search of Y/N. Tom to the left, Sam & Harry in the middle and Harrison to the right.

"You won't get away with this, you know. They'll find me. And when they do... you'll pay," you nearly growl at the man that had you chained to the wall in the cave. It felt like you had been there for days or possibly even a week, but in reality you knew it had been only a few hours or so. And you knew Harrison, Tom and the others would find you, soon you hoped. The man across the room let out a loud laugh at your words.

"You think I care about your little friends, girlie? Runts. That's all they are. Gnats. Annoying fuckign cockroches that need to be exterminated," he spat at you as he stormed his way across the room, his face coming within an inch of yours by the end of his words, his breath making you gag. You think you hear a noise down the corridor but you can't be sure. You decide to keep him talking just in case.

"Yea? How are you gonna do that? There's so many of them" you tell him making him chuckle.

"Not after you're made Queen, dearie," he laughs as he takes a step back. "Once you're made Queen, Zayn will be Ruler of the entire supernatural kingdom. He's gonna wipe them all out and take over the planet," the man laughs as he rubs his hands together, giving you a creepy and disgusting smile. This time you know you heard something, but he did too. "What was that?"

"What was what?" you ask.

"I heard something in there," he tells you.

"I didn't," you tell him, trying to keep him with you. "Come talk to me some more."

"Why should I?" he asks as he takes a step towards the noise but turning his head towards you.

"Cause..." you start as you try to make your voice sound as seductive as you can. This man grosses you out, so you're gonna have to be one hell of an actress. "I-i like you," you tell him as you bite your lip.

"You like me?" he asks as his eyes narrowed into slits. You nod your head shyly as he begins to walk towards you. "Why should I believe you?"

"Cause I-i'm shy when it comes to things like that... a-and you've got me ch-chained to a wall... th-that's a little intense to b-be telling someone you like them..." you explain. You barely see movement in the doorway behind him but don't turn your attention to it so he doesn't realize. He begins to lean towards you and you close your eyes, acting like you're leaning into the kiss as you see Harrison walk through the door. You hear a crash and your eyes fly open to see the man thrown across the table in the room and whatever was on it is now on the floor.

"You came," you say as your eyes well up with tears. He doesn't have a chance to stop fighting but he does still talk to you.

"Of course, love. We wouldn't leave you here! The others are here as well, but I was hoping I would be the one to find you," he says as he shoots you a quick smile that makes your face flush before he returns to throwing punches with the wolf in front of him. Harrison suddenly shoves the wolf as hard as he can sending him into the hard cave wall before slumping against the floor. He ran over to you. "Are you alright?"

"Yea... I'm okay," you say as the tears start to spill over.

"Don't cry, love. I'm here," he tells you as he cups your face in his hands to wipe the tears away. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you."

"No, it's okay. It's not your fault," you tell him, closing your eyes as you shake your head. You feel his hands jerk away from your face. Thinking he was mad at you for saying that, your eyes fly open to plead with him only to see that the wolf has woken and they are fighting again. You cringed every time the wolf would land a hit to any part of Harrison's body, but it didn't seem to phase him much. Finally, Harrison landed a punch that knocked the wolf back enough that they had some distance between them. It didn't give him enough time do do anything to change the situation but unfortunately, it did give the wolf enough room to gain more force to shove Harrison into the wall hard enough to make him lose focus and forget where he was for a while. Returning his attention to you, the wolf he stalks towards you scowling. He doesn't stop until you are nose to nose. He smiles as he leans into your neck, sinking his teeth into you as you let out a shriek.

"Haz!" you scream out as loud as you can with the man's teeth still attaching to your neck. You see his eyes fly open and search the room to find you. "Harrison," you call his name again as you feel yourself getting weaker. You swear you hear Harrison growl as he swiftly rises from his position on the floor and rips the man away from your body. You slowly slide down the wall as Harrison takes advantage of the man being in a weakened state, pulling a silver tipped dagger from the inside of his jacket and plunging it into his back just barely missing his heart. You hear an intense howl as the man drops in pain and you see him shift from man to wolf back to man and your eyes widen. It really was real... All of it... You weren't dreaming, or in some weird coma... You felt yourself falling into darkness. "Harrison...?" you call out weakly before you feel your body being lifted and sat on the table in the middle of the room. You felt him brush the hair out of your face and off of your neck as he examined the wound as he stands beside you.

"I don't think he went deep enough to get the venom in," he quietly says, but you weren't sure if he was talking to you or to himself. In the next second, you felt his hand come to your face and turn it to look at him. "I need you you listen to me," he tells you as he looks you in the eye. "In order to save you, I have to do something that is going to seem drastic to you. I don't want you to panic. This will not change you in any way. However, there is not enough time to get you to our hospital, so this is the only option we have, okay?" he explains to you as quickly but as thoroughly as he can so that he makes sure you understand and are okay with what he's doing. You nod your head at him. "I need you to try to speak. I need to hear you say it, Y/N."

"I understand," you whisper. He nods and you see him bring his wrist to his mouth and bite down making your eyes go wide. He held his wrist over your lips and let the blood spill out over your lips making you flinch at first.

"It's the only way, love. I'm so sorry to have to do this so soon, but it's the only way to save you right now... Please," he begs you. You keep your eyes on his as you open your lips and let the blood drip into your mouth. He lowers his wrist against your mouth as he nods his head at you. You flick your eyes down at his wrist leaning against your lips and back up at him before he gives you a small smile. He reaches down pulling one of your hands up to rest on his arm, holding his wrist against your mouth. Your free hand comes up on the other side instinctively as you begin to suck against his wrist. "There you go," he whispers as he bring his free hand up to brush against your forehead, resting it against the top of your head to help comfort you. His eyes watch yours as the blood flows easily from his wrist between your lips. "I'm so sorry," he whispers, his eyes never leaving yours, "I never should have left you." His eyes flick down to your neck to look at the wound and see it healing already. He moves his eyes back up to yours to make sure you're still comfortable. "Still okay, love?" You slightly nod your head and he gives you a small smile. Keeping an eye on the wound every so often, once it's almost healed completely he slightly pulls back at his wrist. "That's good, love. You're okay now. You're healed," he tells you.

"I-i'm healed...?" you stammer as you look up at him as he wipes the small drop of blood that escaped your lip away with his thumb. "This really is all real..." you say in shock making him laugh.

"Yes, Y/N. This is all real," he chuckles at you. "You can go look in that mirror if you want."

"But I could barely move, ...barely even breathe a second ago," you tell him.

"Try," he encourages you. You sit up on the table and look around at everything, taking in your surroundings. You notice how alive you feel... how energized... how... powerful almost. You hopped down off the table and looked up at Harrison in surprise making him chuckle.

"I shouldn't have been able to do that," you tell him as he shakes his head no.

"No, you shouldn't," he agrees with you.

"B-but I can..." you say.

"Yes..." he tells you with a smile as he watches you walk over to the mirror. He slowly walks behind you, watching you turn your head and look at your neck. You're looking for where the wolf bit you but you can't see any evidence being bitten anywhere. "What are you doing, love?"

"Looking for where I was bitten..." you tell him and he smiles. He raises a hand and points to a spot on your neck.

"Here," he tells you confidently.

"You're sure?" you ask.

"Absolutely. I watched it heal. I know where it was," he tells you.

"Wow... I'm... I just... whoa," you laugh.

"You ok?" he asks.

"Yea," you nod. "But this won't change me?" you ask.

"No, just drinking the blood doesn't change you. You have to die with the blood in your body to change. So now we have to be extra careful with you, which means you need to stay glued to my side until we find the others and we need to get out of here quick," he tells you. You still didn't understand why he was so against turning you. You weren't absolutely sure if you wanted him to turn you, if you wanted to be with him, or if you even liked him like that... You just didn't understand why it bothered him so much. You followed as closely as you could just like he told you to while you searched for the others. It wasn't long before you found the other three, thankfully without any other fights. You all made it back to the safe house in one piece and Harrison insisted that you shower and rest before doing anything else. "You are human after all. You need to recharge," he explained. He sat in the living room with the other three guys.

"So what happened?" Tom was the first to speak.

"They had her chained to a wall. Not sure if they were torturing her or what. She saw me come in and tried to distract him. Gave me a chance to sneak up. We fought. He knocked me good. Good enough that I didn't realize where I was until I heard her yell my name when he bit her neck..." he told them. They all let their mouths drop open a bit.

"Did he..." Sam started a question but didn't finish.

"No... His fangs didn't go deep enough, but I couldn't have been sure at the time. I didn't have enough time to be sure...," he explains as he watches all of their eyes go wide.

"So now we really have to watch her, huh?" Harry says as Harrison nods.

"That's why I have someone outside of her room," he tells them.

"I was wondering about that," Tom says.

"I had to give her the blood... We were in the middle of fucking nowhere a-and there was no time to get here to give her the antidote... I couldn't take that risk...." Harrison tells them as he looks at the floor and shakes his head, letting a tear slip past his eye.

"And you still don't think she's your Tuhinga?" Sam asked quietly. Harrison slowly raised his eyes to meet Sam's.

"After tonight... I can't deny it..." Harrison confesses.

"Finally," Harry lets out a heavy breath. "Pay up!" he says as he holds out his hand towards Tom. Harrison glares at them.

"You bet on this?" he asks.

"Yea," Harry laughs. "When we split up and you took off your way, I said you'd realize it today. Tom said you wouldn't give in yet." Harrison rolls his eyes as Tom gives Harry his money.

"This is a serious thing. This is someone's life!" Harrison says upset.

"Dude chill..." Harry tries to reason with him. "It's ok."

"But in all seriousness... Since you've accepted that she is in fact your Tuhinga... You've got to start thinking about when you're going to turn her. You need to discuss this with her..." Tom tells him. The room falls silent as Harrison looks to the floor again. He wished he didn't have to throw her in this mess, but if he didn't... he would be throwing her into the wolves den and that's an even bigger mess. "Because you know he's gonna try to link her again soon... And if you don't turn her, he'll be able to do it eventually. Then things really will turn to shit..." Tom reminds him.

"I know... I know..." Harrison tells him in a heavy sigh. "I just need some time, ok?" He stands up and walks to your room, telling the person at your door he would take over. He takes the chair just inside your door and sits there to watch over you. After a couple hours, you wake from your rest to see him sitting there and you jump. "Sorry," he laughs. "Didn't mean to scare you. We were taking shifts watching you. Because of the blood," he explains. You nod your head and smile at him. "Are you hungry?"

"Yea," you smile at him.

"Alright, let's get you something to eat. Then we can come back in here. There are some things we need to talk about," he tells you.

@nerdraging4point0 /  @sleepwalkingdragon  /  @sunshine112  /  @summernykole  /  @empressdreams / @justasmisunderstoodasloki / @bisexual-sk8r /

[berryherbist]

So I just finished The Savior’s Champion by Jenna Moreci and

It...wasn’t good. In my opinion.

Well, I technically didn’t finish now, but this was what I sent my friend right after I finished reading it. It’s not a genuine review, mostly just things I felt right after I finished (and still do tbh). I felt like sharing it though so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I might do a more in depth review later, but I’ll just post this for now.

I wanna preface this by saying there’s nothing wrong with liking this book, and I’m not judging anyone who does, it just...wasn’t good. Also, there are spoilers ahead

Alright leggo

Honestly?? Honestly??? Where do I begin?? Specifics or the overall book?? Either way it was  b a d. Okay I guess to start, I feel like this whole book was a waste of time. Not in the "I hated it I wish I hadn't read it sort of way" though. I just felt like it was a set up for the second book. Like yeah, it technically had its own plot, but literally nothing was resolved and there were no answers to major questions. I was hoping to get /something/ by the end of the book, but it just raised even more questions and half of what happened didn't make sense after that ending. And it has absolutely no right to be as long as it is. There are so many parts that are unmemorable or useless, ngl I had trouble remembering half of the book.I feel like every scene or exchange between characters should either move the plot along or develop the characters more, and that hardly  e v e r  happened. A lot of Tobias' dialogue was just to show how much better he is than the other people in the tournament. Like, Orion and some of the others were decent, but Tobias was like the Golden Child of this whole thing. Like he couldn't ever do anything wrong. Even if he did fuck up or make a bad decision he ended up being right. Jenna shows obvious favoritism towards her two main characters and everyone else fades into the background so much they can hardly be considered shadows.I mean, she has how many characters and how fleshed out are they? Tobias and Leila are hardly fleshed out and don't change at all from their first to last appearance. I guess you could say Delphi is kind of developed, but even then we don't see too much of her. She's got a very tropey personality and most of her appearances are to connect Tobias and Leila.And I couldn't even be sad at any of the character deaths!! I can't even remember half of their names, let alone their personalities. I literally had to go back and reread the contestant's names (Raphael who?? Neil who??). I was disappointed at Orion's death, but not /sad/. It was more like a "damn, you're one of the few characters I don't hate reading about and now you're gone." And those characters hardly get a backstory. Again I know the book doesn't revolve around them but damn, if you're going to include this many characters don't just make them accessories to your mains.(She's got portraits/art for so many of her characters but they don't even have a story hdrasfjh. if you're going to go through the trouble getting official designs for them give them official backgrounds maybe??)Now moving on to individual characters...just...fuck...fuck I hate Tobias and Leila so much.First of all they're so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid. Especially Tobias. Why can't they just keep it in their pants and focus on things that are actually important? Like the tournament?? Or whatever the fuck Leila is doing?? Or the fact that they're being so obvious?? I didn't like Flynn but I agreed with him more times than I did with Tobias. At least Flynn understood it was a competition. Yeah, he was arrogant and was there for very selfish reasons, but damn he actually had his head on straighter than Tobias. If anything Jenna's most fleshed out character was Flynn. He showed both bravery and cowardice, he had his own goals and personality, and despite the fact he threatened to betray Tobias, he was basically loyal in the end. Aside from when the Sovereign ordered Flynn to kill him but like. Can you blame him? Also, if I found out that one of the people I was competing against didn't even want the "prize" (I don't like referring to the Savior as that but that's basically what she is adkjfadjdla) that I could possibly lose my life over than yeah I'm going to be pissed?? 

Tobias is just a Gary Stu. He's handsome, a "good man," selfless, talented, loved by many, and always talks about how fucked up and corrupted the competition is, as if other people don't know that?? I'm also pissy at how good he was at fighting. The boy has 0 experience except for the time he trained with Leila but he was able to kill the Giant, Drake, and Kaleo. I guess you could argue that he was fueled by rage or whatever, but against trained assassins?? I don't think so.And then Leila. Fuckign Leila. She was so boring. SO so boring. Basically just a female Tobias. Pretty, good at fighting, smart, and independent, with almost no flaws whatsoever, if any. Maybe you could count her being secretive as a flaw, but Tobias had literally no right to know what she was up to or any of her secrets. He obviously doesn't understand what goes on between politicians and other aspects of the tournament (or whatever Brontes is doing?? idk man) but he still demands Leila tell him anyway. Anyway, there's nothing intriguing about Leila at all. Get those two together and it's just cardboard on cardboard. They're so boring, and all they ever talk about is how much they "love" each other. I know Jenna was probably trying to hide the instant romance in TSC but they still only had thirty days to fall in love. And maybe it's just me but none of it felt real. SO much of it just felt like lust (how many times did we have to read about wet dreams or them grinding on each other like adhskja).As for her villains?? I honestly think I liked them more than her main characters. I mean, they weren't developed at all but I couldn't hate them just because they were dicks.Kaleo, for example. He's an asshole. Just a real mean fucker. Yeah, I didn't like how arrogant and unnecessarily cruel he was, but because he had no backstory or clear motives throughout the whole book I was just waiting on a reason to really hate him. The same thing goes for Cosima. We spend the whole book thinking she's the Savior, so I always thought a lot of her behavior was due to never having a mother and only being raised by her father (who I thought was just very protective at first tbh). But still, I don't even know how to describe her. Not quite bitchy but not the nicest either. Selfish maybe? Like, when Raphael was bitten or whatever she let the judging go on. Fake? How she flirted with all of the contestants. Ngl though I felt kinda bad, because she's the one who wasn't allowed to choose who she got to marry. (Kinda unrelated but Tobias always complained that men died for her and yeah it's fucked up but?? That's the competition?? and even though she's the Savior I doubt she could just be like "lmao nah let's not do this." He likes to act all righteous and good but he doesn't know wtf he's talking about lol). Or just gross, when she started groping and kissing Tobias when he obviously didn't want it? And it wasn't until the very end of the book that we started seeing those parts of her. When it's revealed that Leila is the actual Savior it was like, "okay, I'm supposed to hate her because she took advantage of acting as the Savior, and she betrayed one of the main characters. I see why she's an antagonist now." But it felt so cheap. Kaleo and Cosima were just there to make Tobias and Leila look better by comparison.

Did the people close to Tobias even matter??? Okay, so we had Milo, who was annoying af. I was lowkey happy when he died because I wouldn't have to read about him any more, but I also just. Couldn't care. Yeah he was Tobias' best friend but there wasn't a lot about him. And Tobias seemed to bicker with him more than anything tbh.His sister and mom were just kind of?? Forgotten after awhile?? His sister was the reason he entered the competition but soon enough everything was for Leila. He was fighting for Leila. He wanted to protect Leila. Leila was literally the only thing ever on his mind. Gaining a new motivation is one thing, but forgetting the people closest to you and focusing on girl you've known for a month is messed up. He was even about to leave with Leila to the forest at the very end. If I recall correctly Leila was the one to suggest going to their home. He was willing to just leave them in favor of running away with Leila.

Brontes was such a cut out villain it  h u r t (also fuck the official pronunciation of his name imma say it how I please). Old dude in position of power after more power (and we still don't know why) who has an obvious hatred toward the main character and is trying to sabotage him. Wowza. I'm so intrigued.I also  h a t e  how Jenna made it obvious who we were supposed to like and who we were supposed to hate. We need to hate Kaleo because he's a dick, we need to like Tobias because he's a nice guy. There was no depth to  a n y  of these characters. I'm not saying antagonists need to be a likable person, but they should be able to be appreciated as a character. I didn't like any of the antagonists in Gentlemen Bastards, but I at least found them interesting, and clever in some way. They were awful people, but they didn't give off that "high school bully" vibe that Jenna's antagonists did.There's nothing to differentiate the characters aside from whether they were "good" or "evil." There's no diversity in their mannerisms or the way they speak. Brontes, who's a royal, speaks the same way Tobias, a peasant, does. Also, you could tell me that Brontes and the contestants are all the same age and I'd believe you.Again kinda unrelated and it's not a book but like, in Boku no Hero Academia a lot of the villains have likable (and different!!!!) personalities and I actually enjoy them *cough* Dabi *cough* so it's not impossible.This might be just me nitpicking but I've got a problem with the way Jenna portrays Pippa. In her videos she claims that Pippa has development issues?? (like all of her characters lol) or something like that. As in she doesn't act her age. And idk if it was her intention but I really hope that that wasn't an attempt at diversity or anything. You can't claim diversity or representation in a book if you need to clarify outside of the book. 

Fuck in g world building. There. Was. None. Of. It.Here's what I know about the world: 

1.) There are multiple kingdoms (can't remember the name of Tobias' tbh) 

2.) The first Savior brought success or peace or goodness or whatever to his Kingdom and is now seen as a Goddess, essentially. 

3.) There's a brutal tournament to choose her husband when she comes of age

Other than that we don't know anything about the world or their society. What kind of customs do they have? What's their language like? I'm not saying she needs to give us every single detail of their world, but there are so many gaps that the reader has to fill in, and it feels so goddamn generic. You've got your royals, your peasants, your armies. Apparently it's like a greco-roman thing? But I wouldn't be able to get that from the book. I don't even have a lot to say on world building aside from the fact that it's just not there asejgfaldksfh. Alright alright the pacing of the book pisses me tf off.So the start wasn't too bad, the prologue has the Savior's mother being assassinated, and it doesn't take too long for Tobias to enter the tournament, and we get to the Labyrinth quickly enough, but after that there's a ton of up and down. For example the challenge that's like. Capture the flag or something like that. I hardly remember it, and you could tell moments like that were only so Jenna had an excuse to kill of another character that wasn't important. But then there were moments with Leila and Tobias that just dragged on and on, like their conversations or their time in the art gallery, and they weren't even interesting conversations. Nothing to move the plot along or reveal much about the characters. I guess you could say that it was to further develop their relationship, but I just felt like that's the only reason why they existed. I didn't feel like there was chemistry between two individuals, just two characters that were being forced to love each other.Again, not a book, but imma take Jake and Amy from Brooklyn 99 for example (I wanna use Percy and Annabeth but it's been like seven years since I've read it and I'd probably butcher their story lol). Anyway, Jake and Amy are easily their own person, and they're both really different, but they both have their own goals and they both admire each other for different reasons. They help each other grow, both inside and outside their relationship, and they're better people because of each other. Leila and Tobias don't have that. It takes pages and pages of dialogue, and moments where they are the only two interacting, to try and convince the reader that they're right for each other. Chemistry between characters shouldn't be forced through romantic or intimate situations. The reader needs to believe that the characters as individuals are good for each other. I don't know if I'm making a lot of sense here aeskjfh. 

Okay but back to pacing. The ending was just. So forced. And so rushed. And did absolutely  n o t h i n g  for TSC. In the very last pages we find out that Leila is the Savior and Cosima was just a face, but?? Why?? What was the point of withholding all of that information until the end if we're not going to get anything out of it. You could argue that we're going to learn more in the second book, but that's just bad writing imo. Obviously you're not going to get all of your questions answered in the first book of a series, but there should be some sort of closure at the end of an individual book, and we don't get that. The reader is left in the dark about everything at the end of TSC. We don't know anything, or understand what's going on. Imma just. complain about the fuckign part where Tobias is taken by Kaleo and Brontes. First of all, cheesy and lazy as fuck. I feel like that was just a way for Jenna to tell the reader what Brontes' plan was, or to further show how much of a dick they are, even though we already know. Also, just the whole being tortured thing. Really?? How many times have I seen that before??And then the  w a y  it ended. I was so disappointed. Aside from the fact that the last challenge/the maze felt rushed, the fight between Kaleo, Tobias, and Flynn was so boring and cliche. The way Flynn and Tobias worked together to defeat Kaleo. How Tobias was able to take down this ruthless assassin ("Fuck your parting words" afsdwkjld). And then what happened after Leila was revealed as the Savior, when they decide to go to his home. I honestly thought that the ending was just the end to another chapter and there would be another left. I turned the page and I was like, "Huh. So that's it then." I wasn't left feeling excited or looking forward to what happens next. I was disappointed and felt a little cheated. I spent all of this time following Tobias and Leila on their journey and I got nothing out of it, besides a forced romance. Also, I'm kinda just repeating myself here, but finding out that Leila is the Savior gives us some explanation for her behavior and actions, but now I wanna know wtf Cosima was for?? And why she was allowed to do that in the first place?? Like, I know Brontes wants to kill her, but why would Brontes let Cosima pretend to be the Savior. My guess is that Brontes would be able to kill Leila, the actual Savior, without creating chaos in the kingdom, but I don't know.

There is so much miscommunication/lack of communication in this story and I'm hte fuckign.There could've been so many questions answered throughout the book. I know I said Tobias has no right to know about Leila's plans, but she could've said something other than "it's complicated" or "you wouldn't understand." How many times did that happen?? Right when I thought we might learn something Leila would go on to say that Tobias couldn't find out, or something would come up and she would have to leave before she could tell him anything. This might've been able to work once, MAYBE twice, but it happened so often that I knew those kinds of scenes were useless and wouldn't provide us with anything, so it took whatever suspense was supposed to be there away.You could argue that because TSC is written in third person limited Tobias wouldn't know all of the secrets to the tournament and the government or whatever, but the way Jenna revealed things was so cheap. He suddenly gets an explanation from Leila at the very end, and Brontes and Kaleo capture him and tell him what their plan is. It would've been so much more interesting if Tobias took small things he learned here and there and pieced it together himself, or at least had some theories. Instead he focuses on Leila this, Leila that, why won't Leila tell me anything. All he does is brood and complain and it's so goddamn old.It kinda felt like the, "And then I woke up and realized it was all a dream" explanation.

I also really, really hate the way she treated her LGBT characters, aside from Dephi, she was decent. But she used the “kill you gays” trope. I’m not saying they needed to stay alive, I understand most of them were going to die, but she killed off one of them and then completely got rid of the other.

And then Kaleo. From what I can tell he’s bisexual.Which is obviously not a bad thing, but he wasn’t just a perv, he was disgusting and invasive, and even worse threatened to sexually assault assault Tobias, which feeds into the idea that bisexual people are just predators and want to fuck everything (Idk if I’m being clear about this hhh)

But yeah that’s all for now y’all

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 1X17 Hell House

one episode this time around let’s see where this goes

so many of these start with people going where they aRE NOT ALLOWED

WHY

GUYS AT LEAST DO IT IN THE MORNING OR SOMETHING WHY GO AT NIGHT

yes go be macho there’s nothing that can go wrong here

also i meant to say this last episode but Dean’s machismo+self-sacrifice for his dad someone please give him a hug p le a s e 

at least they don’t die

Sam being passed out completely backwards bahahahaha

Dean takes picture because yes, sibling prerogative

Damn and Dean’s having his fun with the music and the pranks

NAIR IN THE SHAMPOO DEAN WHAT THE FUCK 

Sam using the word “misogynistic” in like 2005 threw me, damn this kid rly did go to a College didn’t he

this little montage of everyone having a different story? good perfect shit, good vibes

“hot...in a dead sort of way” “hoh..k” pfft

Lmfao and his name is Craig

DEAN IS HOLDING A KANSAS VINYL HES HOLDING THE VINYL

“only kills women” well good thing they’re both MEN absolutely NO conflict here

god I wish this show had a woman goddamn

leftover note: god i wish some of the actually cool female characters showed up again and not like...just the demon

the ghost hunterssssss

lmao Dean’s disgust at the business card

AMATEURS AHAHAHAHAHAHA

“emf?” Sam buddy oh my god

This is like that one scene in criminal minds where the girls pretend they don’t work at the fbi

does...does it erase people? whatever the monster is

PFFT PRANK WAR

I’m sure this won’t come back to bit them no sir

Jill going for the ghost instead of the pasty-ass gross motherfucker fine ok at least you have some sense

Not a lot because ur gonna get fucking murdered, ur not white or a male, sorry them’s the rules

this show....like i expected this but

I feel like the non-plot episodes are more pure Vibe, and the plot episodes aren’t as fun, but they have examination i guess?

AND SHE HAD A FULL RIDE TO UT AND A STRAIGHT A STUDENT COME ON

“Who you gonna call” ha

Sam’s fucking face when they get the ghost hunters, Sam cmon you like this at least a little bit

AT LEAST ADMIT YOU LOVE YOUR BROTHER A LITTLE BIT

WHEN IT SLOWLY CREPT UP BEHIND THEM FUCK

THAT WASN’T EVEN A JUMP SCARE THAT WAS REAL SUSPENSE

the smug face Dean pulled? good, good, liked that

BLUE OYESTER CULT LOGO OF FUCKING COURSE DEAN RECOGNIZED IT

Smug Dean is very funny, good content

...ok yeah I’m starting to see where at least some people started with the wincest thing, however it’s CLEARLY BECAUSE OF THE PRANK I HATE THIS

LMFAO THEY JUST SAID “Here you go Jensen” HAAH

the belief turns into something real oooo

THEOLOGY TEXTBOOK TURNS INTO CONCENTRATED THOUGHT TURNS INTO THE MORDECHAI MYTH THAT KEEPS GETTING SHIFTED THAT IS S O COOL

“how are we supposed to kill an idea” oooo sounds vaguely philosophy like

WHAT WOULD BUFFY DO BAHAHAHA

HEY LOOK A MONSTER HUNTING FEMALE PROTAGONIST WHY DON’T WE HAVE SOME OF THOSE

THEY’RE SO SHORT COMPARED TO THE LITERALLY 6 FOOT TALL MAIN CHARACTERS AHAHAHAHA

MAIN CHARACTERS GET 6 FEET HEIGHT

these fuckers really do put on a double act throughout the midwest

THE VERY SPECIFIC PISTOL FEAR TO HELP THEM KILL IT BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Is...Is dean trying to get Sam to relax and be like...kinda normal? Is that the reason behind the prank war????

ONE NORMAL WAY OF EMOTING IM B E G G IN G YOU

Fuckign glues his hand to his beer ha ha Sam

Did these fuckers just steal the laughing animatronic to lure the cops?? really??

and they nearly fucking shoot the ghost boys hahahahaha

*so anyway I started blasting WITH BOTH FUCKING PISTOLS*

Goes for the Camera

Do the guys?? know what’s up??

the micro expressions in the “great” (smile to quiver to serious mode)? holy hell

Sam you self sacrificial bastard

Dean workshops a fucking flamethrower

ayy he did the axe/baseball swing thing i love that

solution: set house on fire

Excellent, nice job Dean

I mean it works

“how many things survived cuz people believed in them” with the fire house? nice line, I like that line

Sam: calls them and tells them he’s a producer

Dean: puts a dead fish in their backseat

and they both laugh and call truce that makes me happy

hey the prank war thing was just...a prank war. no foreshadowing, just character relationships? that’s new

yippie kayak it’s wrap-up time:

1. Ok, the style and vibe of this episode? so good, so fun, so interesting. Lore is really cool, they leave it open-ended, all good. Like the sheer power of myth and people’s belief? ooo good shit

I have just realized that sounds like vague foreshadowing for the ~future~

however, I think this is built kinda like avatar where you build the characters in terms of a large goal, and tbh, I really like how it’s being done

2. actually speaking of: non-plot episodes, where both get a chance to shine, are fun, interesting, and honestly quite cool, while plot episodes are a bit more heavy, loaded and exposition-y. I hope that changes in the future tbh. The bible river dale energy is quite possibly the thing I’m not as hyped about, although that might be because I thankfully don’t have any religious trauma

the church scares me

3. Sam and Dean? good great, excellent bonding time. You have to wonder if the prank war was just Dean’s way of trying to reach out to his little brother, and tbh, it did kinda work. Anyway, they were both really fun this episode, both got good moments, 10/10 love these characters

4. The fact that they slipped and called Dean jensen makes me wonder how much the budget actually was. Like I saw on pinterest it was 20,000 entirely(which isn’t even minimum wage) and I could not find any kind of sources, so I’m inclined to believe that was very very fake. However, it’s definitely low budget(wikipedia says that no one wanted to take kripke up on this) and the fact that they managed to make something this good is a testament to the skill of the entire team working on this season. I cannot speak for the later seasons tho, as I have obviously not seen them.

5. Please. A girl character. Something. I’m begging you. 

I know damn well it doesn’t happen and that makes me sad

Damn I had some thoughts this time around, that’s pretty fun. till next time~ i guess. Time to go put mom’s bday cake back into the fridge and sleep.

[the-mf-bread-babies]

loneliness </\///\|/3

a fic by rocco wulfram north, m.d.

(found that name on hardcore baby names)

–chmapter jop–

before the tríp

It was a normal day for the Skullsmashers: go to somewhere, kill people, be gay, sleep, get brunch. Right now was the first part of their daily routine, and they were getting ready for it.

“holy fuck nova could you hurry the shit up i have to brush my fucking teeth you bitch” Ace hissed, knocking repeatedly on the bathroom door. “Fuck You. I'm Going To Go To Hell Itself” Nova gargled back, mouth full of mouthwash. More banging was heard; the door had seen better days.

Several feet away was Jake, all dressed up and ready to go, waiting for the others to get ready. He sat on the couch gayly in the living room down the hall, scrolling through Apocalypse Twitter. ‘every day i throw down an unpeeled boiled egg from the rooftop to simulate fear and unreadiness’ he read, a tweet from Orc's account. What the fuck. Classic Orc.

“ah fuck !! am i late !!” Jake turned around to see Damon panicking and counting the daggers in his pockets. “no no not at all. i just get ready really quickly to throw everyone into a state of disarray” Jake replied in an honest, monotone voice. “come sit down”

Damon sat down nervously next to his captain, knowing he'll ask him for Bambi on the PS2 now. “look. look at them those dumbshits” Jake uttered, pointing to Ace and Nova arguing. “those little bastards are completely unaware that ive put a fake cockroach puppet in the mirror. watch now” he added, pulling out a cheap remote control and pressing a button.

*sound of glass breaking* Jake sighed. “okay maybe that wasn't really the best idea” Nova screamed, running out of the bathroom and confusing Ace. “Fucking Roach!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she yelled, already too far away from them to be heard clearly. “huh. well okay then!” Ace grinned, going into the bathroom.

“i'll guard. you do your thing okay? :-)” Damon said to Jake, smiling mischievously. Jake's heart skipped a beat as he was suddenly flustered by the killer's action. «oh god, shit's just gonna get more complicated from here» he thought, staring into nothingness.

Damon braced himself against the bathroom door, eager to hear Ace's chaotic screaming. “ready ??” Damon asked, sending Jake back to the real world. “hhuh??????? oh yea right” he mumbled before beginning to control the cockroach with the remote. “this shit cost me like 200 bucks so it better be worth it”

HOLY MOTHER OF

F U C K

JAKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

WHAT THE S H IT DUDE

ace will remember this.

Jake cackled loudly, rolling on the floor and hitting the table with his fist. “LMAOOOOK FUCK YOUUU” he yelled, angering Ace even more. “I WILL GODDAMN SKIN UOUR FUCKIGN ISTINEDSTINES OLD MAN I SWEAR TKC FUCKF” they yelled back, pushing the door repeatedly. “IM GOIND TO FUCKIGN DIR HERE YOU BITCH”

“ah . ace ? could you move a little please ? i'm trying to get in ?” Damon said annoyingly kindly, making Ace jab a fake knife through the space between the door and the doorway. “THIS IS THE BEST FUCKIGN KNIFE I HAVE ON ME RIGT NOW BUT PLEADR JSUT FUCK O F F”

“hm ... i'll have to check in with the blacksmith today to know what this one's worth... possibly rusted here, though.... could also just be dirt tho.....” Damon mumbled, examining the knife. “FUCKING HEL P” Ace yelled in distress, his breath seeping through the door. “ace. brush your fucking teeth that's disgusting.”

“IM FUCKIF D TRYINF THERES JUST A FUCKGIFN ROSCH HEREERF” Ace explained fearfully, trying their best to get some pity from the other. “a what ?? don't think we have those here” “A FUCKIFN COKROSKC” “corrosion ???? how bad” “FUCK YOU A GODDMAND COKCROACH” “girls?? what?? are they milfs??” “HOW THEE DFUCKDB DID YEOU HEAR FTHAY WHATS DUCUNESKRHI”

Jake's hand slapped against Damon's shoulder as a way of saying thanks. “good work out there soldier. us skullsmashers really need someone like you damon” He said confidently, disguising his flirting as a compliment. “cool !! you too man !!” The shorter man replied, completely unaware of the flirting and continuing to yearn for the mutual love between him and Jake. fuckin idiots lmao

“alrighty fuckers, let's move!”

Rachel's voice sent Ace and Nova into a panic, making them scram to look for their weapons and equipment. “Got everything ya need? W'ain't makin' any stops; tryin'a save fuel.” Shaw asked, leaning against the wall at the entrance menacingly. “When the fuck did you even come here.” Dennis asked in surprise, carrying suitcases. “Hmph. Man never tells his secrets, young man.” She replied, tilting her cowboy hat. “What…”

Aaron was sitting peacefully in the trunk of a pickup truck they had, only to be met by a large backpack to the face. “ah!!!!!!!! very sorry!!!!!!! we'll be going in separate vehicles, and trunk space is very much needed!!!!!!!!” Whitney said, apologizing. “Ah. Well. O-okay then.” Aaron stuttered out, holding back tears from the painful impact the backpack had. Pretty sure he'll get a bruise from that.

Henderson and Rachel were waiting in the front seats of yet another pickup truck. To pass the time, they took very cringey pictures of each other pretending to be on Cowboy TikTok™. “Do one where you're pregnant with the truck's baby!” Henderson suggested, making Rachel flip the bird at her but begrudgingly agreeing with her stupid idea. “i literally would skin you alive.” She spat out, putting a pumpkin inside her shirt. “That's… literally so sexy, babe.” Henderson replied back, taking more pictures.

Meanwhile, Andre was busy explaining to Cyprus, who was in a small glass jar, that forcibly entering Damon's bloodstream and mutilating his entire body was not very nice, with Orc and Sarah judging. “YES BUT UNLIMITED POWER COULD BE RIGHT IN OUR HANDS ANDRE” “That'd very mean of you to do, and could actually probably kill you too in the process.” he explained to deaf ears. Well, technically no ears. Yet. “CYPRUS I KNOW IT SOUNDS STUPID BUT YOU COULD LITERALLY DO THE SAME BUT LIKE IN AN ELEPHANTS BODY DUDE” Orc suggested, only to be ignored. “cmon cyprus just pleaaaaase dont kill ppl ok”

Jake looked outside, then back at Damon. “well guess its time to move!” “yea ... but at what cost.” Damon replied confusingly, making a sad face. “did you know today is…” he started, then regretted saying anything. “nvm…” He turned away from the punk, sniffling and walking to Dennis and Aaron.

“damon” “??” Jake asked quietly, craning his neck a little before making the decision to leave the new recruit alone. Instead, he joined Henderson and Rachel in their odd activities.

“hey guys. i fucking miss sans.” Damon confessed, taking a seat next to Dennis. “My nose is bleeding.” Aaron pointed out. “ok. today's sunday. and you Know what That Means… Meant,” The boy continued, facing the ground. “Kanye West he…” Dennis began (begun???? idk). “… liked.” Aaron continued, also affected emotionally by the departure of not only Sans, but Komaeda too.

Jake stared longingly at the family, wishing he was a part of it too. He truly felt Ariel Little Mermaid's desire to become human. Seven Vagánias… that was a risk he was willing to take for him. He would shave his eyebrows off for that man, and he just might do it right now.

“Jake? Don't do that. Please don't fucking do that.” Henderson suddenly interrupted, surprising Jake. “do what” Henderson squinted her eyes, giving Jake a suspicious look. “That's the face you make when you want to do silly things…” She pointed out.

“You had that when you almost electrocuted yourself at that stable, you had that when you threw the dart at Scoran, you had that when you glued Marcus and Reese–” “OKAY OKAY I GET IT IM A DUMMY SILLY LITTLE BITCH BOY OK”

Rachel put the pumpkin back on the ground and went to the two friends, curious to know what the quarrel was about. “what's poppin gayboy!” She loudly asked, slapping Jake's forearm strongly. “i am in peril and shaking and crying” “daddy issues” “yget?” He explained, gesturing towards the Russells.

“ah. please clarify what kind.” Rachel said, knowing Jake has a very questionable taste for fictional middle-aged men, such as Sigma Overwatch and the guy from the cowboy game. “the fuckin. family one rachel” “look at em just vibing and simply being gay”

Rachel and Henderson gave eachother a look that questioned whether Damon and Jake were going to be a thing or not, since Jake's technically still with Andre. “Considering the fact that they adopted Damon, they could probably also adopt you if you wanted to.” Henderson suggested, knowing Jake wouldn't like this and would stupidly unknowingly accidentally confess his love for Damon to them both right then and there.

“what?????” “ew no thatd be fuckin incest or some shit what the fuck” Jake said, being grossed out. “what would be the incestuous part, jacon. we did not say or hint at anything related to incest.” Rachel asked, making Jake's hair stand up in panic. “fuCKIN NOTHING DUH” “BUT LIKE YKNOW I GET CRUSHES REALLY EASILY YEA??????” Jake explained weirdly.

“So there's a new one right now, huh…” Henderson asked… feeling like she was in Ace Attorney. “no!!!! no wait” “well yea– no.. but i–” “fuck You but yes” Jake grumbled. “ah no, we won't tell, obviously. it was just getting way too obvious, so we just wanted to hear it from both sides.” “WH” Rachel said mysteriously, getting into the driver's seat of the pickup truck. “okay guys let's go!!” She yelled out, starting the engine. “THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??????” “BOTH SIDES???”

chapter dos

two four trucks

The journey to god knows fuckin where idk didn't plan i guess a fuckin cabin or smth idk was long and torturous, especially when Rachel said that cryptic-ass thing before going. What the fuck was that supposed to mean, bro.

sudden interlude for seating arrangements !!

truck 1: Henderson, rachel, whitney, CYPRUS

truck 2: jake, damon, marge, Andre, Aaron

truck 3: ace, Nova, Dennis

truck 4: sarah, ORC, Shaw, viper

truck two.

Jake awkwardly patted Marge's head in the backseat of the truck, avoiding eye contact with Damon and Andre. Of course he had to go on a three-day trip in the same car with his ex, his crush, AND his crush's father. God, he was pretty sure this was the lab rats' doing.

“cows.” Damon pointed outside, earning Andre's attention. “Holy– what are those?” He asked, taking his sunglasses off to admire the beautiful little cows. “Cows… we drink their milk and wear their skin as jackets…” Aaron explained, his eyes drifting from the road momentarily. “They can have best friends and stuff. Really nice guys. Also, they're expensive as hell.”

“Y–You do what. Their skin??” Andre asked, his voice a pitch higher than usual. “yeah and we rate them based on which layer it is. also, like their meat, expensive as hell. but still very cool.” Damon said, confusing Andre even more. “they also give us cheese and ice cream and whipped cream and stuff. underrated little babies. they deserve better.” “they also have nose rings which are punk as hell–”

“Wait, why the nose– cheese?! Cheese?! AND ice cream??!” Andre asked again, his mind attempting to comprehend the greatness that cows are. “Oh man, you are not ready to hear about pigs.” Aaron said jokingly. “What the fuck are pigs???” “Sausages, ham slices, bacon, lard, leather too, rotisserie–” “aaron please i'm gonna throw up.” “Oh, right. Sorry,”

Jake sat quietly in his seat, just now realising how much of his world Andre's missing. Sure, his world was much cooler, but do they have sheep? Palm trees? Penguins? Thought not, bitch. “andre do you know what a kangaroo is” He asked, breaking his silence like that one YouTuber.

“A what?” “kangaroo. some of them are buff as shit and they move by hopping. they cant hop backwards and they also keep their babies in little pouches attached to them and their bones and guts are exposed on the inside of said pouch. baby kangaroos are about the size of a jellybean, and the adults can box you”

“They what” “yea they're weird as fuck.” “its from australia so” “That sounds fake.” “oh man. wombats bro. quokkas. fuckin drop bears and flying foxes. PLATYPUSES!!!” “wombats poop in cubes and quokkas are always smiling” “Koala bears hold onto tree branches and eat their mom's shit, which is the leaves of said tree branches.” “Please stop what the fuck” “ohoho fucking GEESE” “GET IM JAKE MY NEIGHBOR HAD FUCKIN THREE OF THOSE BITCHES”

truck three.

The three sat silently, with the exception of Dennis, who was swearing at random times. “You call that a fuckin’ turn, old man?! HUH?!!” Ace's shoulders jumped, the sudden exclamations preventing them from sleeping through the trip. “This Is Probably The Last Time We'll See Each Other Alive.” Nova stated calmly. “i slept for like two minutes last night… didn't even get to wear conditioner today. unrelated but just sharing my struggles with you.” Ace said, shifting into a more comfortable sleeping position.

Dennis overheard the two talking, and opted to stay quiet for the rest of the trip, before stumbling across a strange sight. “FROG!!!” he yelled, waking up the duo. “he said fuck! he said the f” Ace yelled out while rubbing their eyes. “Are We Aliven't” Nova asked, stretching. “Sadly, no, but the good news is, I found a frog!” Dennis excitedly said, opening the car door.

“WHAT” “THAT SHITS GONNA POISON US WHAT THE FUCK” Nova yelled out, unfortunately not loud enough for Dennis to hear it. The man kept walking towards the creature that was technically an alien to them, and picked it up with watery hands. “DENNIS YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING KILL US ALL!!!!!!! DENNIS!!!!!!”

“So, you kids know how to handle a frog?” Dennis asked in a wholesome tone, alerting the two even more. “KILL IT KILL IT FUCKING KILL IT” “Oh, are you guys allergic to this little guy? Sorry, I'll put it in the dashboard instead.” “GET ITBOUT WHAT THE FUCK DENNID JESUS” “… Huh?” “POSIOJ DART FOGR” Nova shouted, hiding behind the passenger seat and being pushed by Ace, who was also going to hide there. “BITCH”

Dennis and the frog stared at them in confusion, hearing their horrified screams. “This is… a wood frog… not a poison dart… that one would probably die in this climate…” he explained plainly, his hands gently cupping the newfound friend. “oh. ok” Ace muttered quietly, while Nova maintained an awkward silence. “You can… pat them very softly if you want.” Dennis suggested. “Or spray the shit outta them. That could work too.”

Nova nervously held out her hand to pat the frog, then smiled in succeeding to do so. “Death Quivers Before Me” She said, proceeding to pat it even more. “can i do the spray thing.” Ace asked, their voice quiet as a whisper. “Yeah, sure. Go right ahead.”

*the frog was going to die so technically they didnt like fuck up the ecosystem or smth. do not attempt this irl.

truck four.

“What jolly tunes d'ya have on this here truck. Fellas.” Shaw asked, observing the radio. “uh, really, i don't think it'll be necessary!!!!!” Viper nervously said, only to be ignored. “NONSENSE! ONE'S TASTE IN SHANTIES PROVES TO BE A WINDOW INTO THEIR LIVES.” Orc said wisely, patting them on the shoulder. “i guess that's good advice, but really–”

TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX. TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX. MY MUSCLES. MY MUSCLES. INVOLUNTARILY FLEX.

“I SEE. A MATING SONG FOR YOUR SPECIES?” “my truck f### playlist,.,.,.” Viper tried to mute the speaker to no avail as most of the buttons on the control panel were very much broken. “I'm. Very sorry for this, pardner. But this doesn't sound so bad. I could put this in a jukebox…” Shaw consoled, only making them panic more. “im so f#ckig sorry” They said, before smashing the radio with a briefcase.

They all paused for a moment, unsure of what to do. “i have spotify…” Sarah croaked, holding up her phone. “they have lemon demon too, if you want…” She muttered, scrolling through the song choices. “does anyone want to listen to wet a–” “no.” “okay.”

The truck grew even quieter for a while, until Shaw gave a suggestion to pass the time. “Wanna play 20 questions?” “I'll start: how many folks have y'all killed?” Viper gave the assassin a horrified look, confusing her. “I think mine's around 150. No… 145…” She confessed, rubbing her chin. “Wait, or was it 160?”

“like six. do you like girls, and, follow up question, do you also coincidentally like short girls with long hair.” Sarah said without hesitation, stopping Orc from answering the first question. “Yes! I literally have a wife!” Shaw shouted happily, rolling up her sleeves to show Sarah her tattoos. “This one is her setting herself on fire and me getting inspired–” “ah, yes–” “That one was a total cover-up! Previously, it was the names of my exes, all thirteen of them, but now, it's my cat!”

After some time of receiving a bit too much RexShaw lore, Sarah finally got the answer she so desperately needed from Viper. This was the verdict that determines whether she could make a move or not. This answer could change– “i am gay and do not get attracted to women. thank you.” Ah. Back to more hunting. “I am a lesbian! High-five!” Shaw exclaimed.

And finally, the first truck.

truck one.

Loud country music blared in the truck as they drove by the snowy mountains of uhh. Winsnow. Like winter and snow. They had all chosen separate routes in order to cover more land and see if there were any new developments in the area.

“BRANDY!!! FETCH ANOTHER ROUNF!!!!!!” Rachel screeched as she drummed on the dashboard. “AND SHE FJSJS” Henderson kept driving, searching every inch of land for a rest stop to stretch her legs and also listen to something else.

“hendy.” Rachel said, getting her girlfriend's attention. “do you wanna buy that slime that cleans cars and stuff?” Henderson stared into the distance, pondering. “Hm. There's always the possibility of the slime disappearing under mysterious circumstances and turning up in the trash can the next day covered in saliva, so.” Whitney looked away, feeling attacked.

“yeah, that's a problem.” Rachel muttered, her hand instinctually moving to Henderson's. “Please don't crash the car.” She begged, looking sadly at her. “is there a domino's nearby. i heard they have that new peanut butter chocolate lava cake.” Rachel asked, cupping Henderson's face gently.

“Rachel. There's fucking mountains.” Henderson pointed out, gesturing towards their surroundings. “That shit will freeze.” Rachel put her head down in disappointment. “yeah. damn.” “MORE FLESH!!! MORE FLESH!!! MORE FUCKING FLESH!!!”

Oh yeah, Cyprus was here the whole time. “why does the metal say fuck?????” And Whitney too! “MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS. FLESH NEEDED!” Cyprus yelled out, resembling a hungry toddler on a road trip.

“do you want like a burger or something......” Whitney asked, judging the spirit. “FLESH” “like are you more of a kfc or a mcdonalds guy” “NEED FLESH” She gave the couple a look, one that was kind of undecipherable due to her lack of normal face details like eyebrows, visible pupils, etc.

“So, three peanut butter lava cakes and one meat lover's… what else?” “ah!!!!!! no lava cake for me, i'm on a diet!!!!!! dirt and dirt only!!!!!!!!!!! also fish bones as a treat” Whitney corrected, her eyes searching for a nearby body of water. “Or, we could get Cyprus the fish meat, and Whitney the bones.” “sounds good to me!!!!!!!!” “FLESH”

…

“welcome to domino's! can i get your order?”

“three peanut butter lava cakes, please. that's all. thank you.” Rachel said, her seat switched with Henderson's, who was too nervous to order. “okay but they each take like three hours to make” “what.” “yea you can stop by like the grocery store up ahead” “fuck you for ordering this” “i–” “fuck off”

the grocewy stowe

The truck stopped by the front of the building, Rachel telling them to go in first while she searches for a good parking spot. Much to Henderson's disappointment.

“My lover…” Henderson said with fear in her voice. “it's okay… go along… i… i have to do this for you…” “for you all… i won't forget the good that you've done to me and everyone i've ever known…” “Rach, please don't go, I lo–” “you all are the kindest people… heaven may wait eagerly for you, but as for me, the ground trembles for its latest meal. fresh from the oven, i will enter the furnace…” “why the fuck would they cook you again” “because i'm TOAST!!” “haha”

“Kill Ronald Reagan while you're at it… I forgot which one he is but I'm pretty sure he's a total bitch…” “i will meet you doomguy” “heeeeeeeh” Rachel whined weakly as she slowly drove over to the spot she wanted.

MOTHERFUCKER.

A silver Honda Civic quickly made its way into there, angering the scientist. “not on my watch, fucker.” Rachel muttered, sliding the pickup truck across the road. She slammed her palm onto the car horn, which terrified even a murder of crows.

“huh wonder who that is” “hm anyway which fish do u like ???? :-)”

A woman who seemed to be in her late 40s exited the Honda Civic, throwing a rather large and flashy boa around her neck. “Jesús, ít's cold in hère,” The lady commented, putting on a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses. “Márie, come along, ma cheghhy!” (i forgot how to spell it)

oh, son of a B I T C H .

it's the french lady who smells weird.

Of course, seeing your enemy in any circumstance that wasn't planned was clearly a little scary and will probably be your last day alive, but bumping into them at a Target was kinda… awkward.

Both the hazelnut and the dolphin were less armed and armoured than usual, and there weren't any bodyguards or security. Usually, if a top leader goes anywhere, the standard protocol was to do thirty separate background checks on the location and have it guarded up somewhere in the three months before their arrival.

So, obviously, someone in Top 50 driving around town in a decades-old car buying groceries isn't very safe, or probably even legal. Hell, she hasn't even seen them wear anything this ridiculous ever. Could this be a distraction? Or is it an opportunity?

Ah, wait, they're both wearing their stupid little marriage bracelets.

It's the middle of October.

This is their anniversary vacation.

Shit.

in the store

Henderson strolled through the aisles with Whitney at her side, hugging Cyprus's jar. She examined the cereal boxes to make sure they didn't contain any food colouring that could potentially kill her.

Whitney, on the other hand, zoomed over to the meat section, licking her lips at the sight of a raw cod. “cyprus…… do you feel that? the need to devour a being???? the uncontrollable desire for energy that it transcends all laws and regulations placed on mankind?????? the growing hunger for power, one that's so strong it controls your every need????

a natural, primal instinct to become such a brutal being that no one, not even you, recognise yourself anymore. you look at yourself in the mirror and you feel like you want to destroy that, to put yourself onto the pedestal you belong on, to wreak havoc on the cosmos of all beings, living and dead, real and mythical, walking and extinct.

you know that you're the only who understands this instinct, the only one who follows it to this distance. everyone else may underestimate you, but in the end, you'll rise above them all. man's natural instinct is to become the ruler of all.”

“What the fuck, Whitney. Anyway, I talked to the deli guy and he said he could pay you to eat up some scraps if you want. You down?” Henderson asked, her trolley already full of snacks. “yea fuck it man” Whitney replied, walking over to the ‘staff only’ door. “im hungy as fuck”

parking lot.

Despite the growing need to kill the woman, Rachel was managing to control herself. Even though this was the perfect opportunity to eliminate one of them, she knows she'll be replaced by someone much crueler. So for now, she'll just stick to watching this lady consider which can of tomato sauce is better than the other.

Rachel parked the truck near the entrance and the Honda Civic. She kept an eye on the couple as she quietly made her way inside through the back door.

“So thàt's when Í saìd, ‘that's not a cactùs, that's a lámp!” Karén playfully said, her hand entwined with her wife's. Rachel was unsure whether to stalk the two or join her friends in shopping.

WELL, FIND THAT OUT IN THE NEXT PART,

B I T C H !! !! !!