#like I don’t think my panic was fully irrational

[fandomsoda]

Realizing something about a situation that definitely is the most reasonable explanation and was clarified to me a while beforehand. Sure there are what-ifs and it could actually be worse than I think now but tbh it’s probably not and I’ve probably been overreacting god kill me

[yankpop]

Yandere Kun (WayV): Being too overprotective during your pregnancy

Summary: Your “husband” wants your unborn baby to be healthy and for that, he’s willing to manipulate you until he gets what he wants.

This is a FICTION work only made for entertainment purposes so please don’t take any of this seriously. I do not support or encourage any type of abusive behaviour.

All copyrights belong to @yankpop (aka me) so do not post/translate my works on any other platforms without my consent/knowledge.

Check more: Masterlist.

WARNINGS: Implied kidnapping; forced pregnancy; intense manipulation; gaslighting; forced eating.

(Female reader)

AN: It a bit messed up but i still did it. Hope you guys like it and let me know 💖

-

"What's that?”

You hesitantly ask as you enter the kitchen. The kitchen counter fully decorated with colorful fruits that Kun keeps picking, putting them into the blender, creating a suspicious juice. Even the odd color manages to scare you. 

Kun gives you a bright open smile, rushing over to you. His hands immediately take a hold of you, one of them going to your swollen belly, making you slightly flinch.

Even after all this time, you still hate his touch. 

“Oh this? I’m just following the doctor’s orders.” he calmly says, carefully maneuvering your body to make you sit on a chair.

Your brows twist in confusion. You don’t recall the doctor saying something about fruit juices.

Kun notices your confusion, a small smile decorating his face as he leans on and places a small kiss on your forehead. 

“I asked the doctor for extra recommendations, just to make sure you and our precious baby will be healthy the entire time.” he elucidates you, his calming voice inciting the baby to start kicking, making you gasp in surprise.

Kun panics for a moment, his eyes going wide in concern, until he sees your hand going to rub your belly. He kneels down to the floor, his face at the same level as the growing bump. 

“Daddy’s here, princess. He’s gonna make sure that you’re safe and have all the vitamins that you need, baby.” Kun coos, his voice flooding with adoration as he presses small gentle kisses all over your stomach.

You merely stare at him, an emptiness filling you as you feel like you’re not even on your own body but more like someone who's watching the scene from afar.

One of the many coping mechanisms that you developed over your time with Kun.

You didn’t blame the baby but it didn’t stop you from dreaming what your life would’ve been if you had managed to get away from Kun before he got you pregnant. Not that he’d let you run away even if you didn’t want to stay with him.

You had already come to terms with the fact that you would never get away from him but lately hormones have been making your irrational fantasies of escaping grow stronger.

“I also got you more vitamins, later I’m  gonna make a schedule for when you have to take them.” Kun declares, looking above towards you. His words make you huff in annoyance, his controlling personality starting to bug you immensely. 

He ignores your action, going back to the counter and grabbing a juice filled glass and handing it to you. You gaze at the peculiar shade of green of the juice, hesitating before bringing it to your lips.

Taking in a small sip, you immediately gag with the liquid, spitting it back to the glass and putting it back on the counter.

“Ew, it tastes so bad.” 

Kun only sighs at your reaction, once again grabbing the glass and returning it to you, his hand coming to your back, rubbing small comforting circles.

“I know it doesn’t taste great, but it’s a small sacrifice you have to make for the baby.” 

Your brows narrow in exasperation, crossing your arms above your baby bump you shoot back at him.

“I already take 3 different types of vitamins, I don’t think the baby needs much more. You’re just going overboard with this, Kun.” Your words don’t have much effect over Kun but you definitely notice his fingers tightening around the glass cup. 

“Look, this is all for the baby, darling. Don’t be such a bad mom that can’t even put our baby’s health over your own comfort.”

Your mouth drops as his words hit you hard. You aren't being a bad mom. You aren't. Right?

“Yes, you are.” Kun says, almost like he’s reading your mind. He tilts the glass into your direction.

“Just drink it. Cause if you don’t and our daughter is born with any type of health problems, I’m blaming you for it.” He concludes without so much of a blink, making you doubt yourself.

Your mind runs through various scenarios and as much as you hate Kun and his overprotective nature, maybe he was right and the baby really needed this. 

Reluctantly picking back the glass, you drink small sips of the liquid, constantly gagging back on its taste yet forcing it down your throat. From your peripheral vision, you see Kun giving you a satisfied smile, his hand coming back to rub your back, somewhat making you feel better as you keep consuming the nasty drink.

The disgusting flavor burns your throat as you force it down. 

“You're doing great, honey. Just a few more sips and you’re done.” Kun incentives you, his eyes attentive towards you.

After a few more bitter and agonizing gulps you finally end the whole glass, immediately pushing the glass away from you. Kun’s features morph into a pleased expression, his hand coming to your stomach to lovingly caress the bump. 

“See, it wasn't that difficult, was it? I’m glad you were reasonable enough to not jeopardize our baby’s health.” You turn your eyes away from him, unable to look at him.

You know that the reality is that Kun is a master in manipulation and that you just fell for another of his tricks, this time using your own child as leverage to manipulate you. 

You hate him. 

----

⚠ Please reblog and comment, if you liked this.

It means a lot :)

-

Tags:

@mwitsmejk

[chaotic-super]

Joining The Superfriends -10

Read Joining The Superfriends on Ao3 here!

Trying to decide what to do about what they are now referring to as The Lex Problem is an immensely difficult task to the point where they have yet to decide on any concrete plans and they are now going on three days since Lena managed to shut down the bugs. “What do you think the best response to this whole thing is, Lena? The public is still in panic mode even though the bugs are gone and I’m starting to think that we might have to make a statement of some kind.” Kara slouches on Lena’s recliner chair, feet up and head resting in her hand, elbow perched on the arm of the chair.

Lena groans, rubbing her eyes with pinched fingers, head flopped back into her pillow. “I don’t have a clue. I wouldn’t be lying on my bed right now if I knew what to do. On the one hand, we could expose him and tell the public what happened but then on the other, we barely have any proof and he could easily twist it back onto me because I also have access to the satellite and I recently left Luthor Corp.”

“Hence making you look like the revenge-seeking little sister of Lex Luthor.”

“Exactly.”

They fall into silence again, both trying to figure out where they can go from here because they have literally been thinking themselves in circles for hours.

Tapping her fingers against her cheekbone, Kara pouts. “My brain has stopped working.”

Lena huffs out a laugh. “Mine too. I don’t think we’re really getting very far with this whole planning malarkey.”

“Malarkey? Are you seventy?”

“Rude, I’m only sixty-three this time.”

Kara snorts, “My greatest apologies, I should have known, you don’t look a day over fifty-seven.”

“Damn straight.” Lena giggles as she says it, the frown leaving her forehead for the first time in a few days.

Kara listens to the sound with glee, overjoyed that she’s managed to bring some semblance of normality to Lena to stop her from living her life in a whirlwind of stress. “Hey, no matter what, we’ll fix it and we have your back.”

“Do all of you though?” The question slips out without her meaning it to, whether it be her insecurity fuelling the question or just genuine curiosity, it’s been lingering in the back of her mind and now it’s out in the open, verbalised in a way that she isn’t sure she meant. “Sorry, I don’t mean it like that.”

 Kara sits up straighter, leaving behind her slouched position and squaring her shoulders. “Like what? I don’t understand, Lena.”

“I’m sorry, I guess Lex has really got to me this time, it’s making me doubt myself.”

“Lena, don’t avoid the question please.”

Lena can’t bear to look at Kara, to see her face when she realizes how truly insecure she can be. “The others have barely spoken to me in days, I know that Alex said that she doesn’t blame me but the others…I don’t know. It’s stupid and irrational. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Kara’s eyes pin onto the ceiling, they don’t focus on anything in particular as she racks her brain, trying to think of the last time she saw any of the other Superfriends interacting with Lena and to her dismay, all of the examples that she can think of are from before they found out that Lex is the one that orchestrated the attack on National City and its citizens.

It’s kind of on-brand for them to separate themselves from whoever is having a pretty tumultuous time mentally. Sometimes the space is welcome but Kara has to admit that there have been times when she’s wanted nothing more than for all of her friends to support her and they have been painfully absent.

“Ah, that. They do that sometimes.” Kara mutters, almost angrily. “I’ve had that problem with them myself at times and I can say from first-hand experience that it sucks balls.”

Lena dares to look over at her, actually turning onto her side to fully engage with Kara. “You mean that it’s normal for them to just fall off the radar from time to time?”

“It can be, yes. They do it whenever something particularly bad happens in the name of giving the person space and I’ve spoken to them about it before. They usually make a half-hearted attempt at least but I guess they didn’t come through for you this time. I’m sorry about them, I’ll have to yell at them tomorrow.” Kara meets Lena’s eyes, a crinkle resting firmly between her own, the result of a mixture of pity for Lena and anger at the rest of the team.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I do, I’ll actually get the group together and get Kelly to mediate, I’ve tried having nice conversations with them about this issue before so it’s time for something more hard-hitting anyway. Any chance you’re able to make yourself cry to make them feel extra guilty when the time comes?” Kara smiles wickedly.

Lena’s lips quirk upwards. “I’ll see what I can do when the time comes.”

Kara claps her hands excitedly, giggling to herself in a way that makes Lena want to pinch her cheeks because she’s being so cute. “Excellent.”

“At least now I know it’s not because they think I’m turning down the road of evil like Lex.”

“Nobody thinks that, we haven’t known you for all that long but even just from these few weeks, we know that you don’t have an evil bone in your body, Lena, it’s one of my favourite things about you.”

Lena quirks an immaculate eyebrow up at her. “Oh, do tell. What are your favourite things about me then? I want a list.”

Kara looks down at her watch in an overexaggerated gesture, her cheeks flushed. “Would you look at the time! I should really get going because otherwise, I won’t have time to walk my plant.”

“Don’t you have fake plants?”

Kara’s eyebrows shoot up in rage. “How dare you, Lena Kieran, I’ll have you know that my plants are completely real and they are very healthy.”

“Healthy enough to miss their daily walk so you can stay and read me that list?”

Kara sinks back into the chair. “You’re annoying at times, you know that?”

“As annoying as Alex?”

“Not even close but don’t tell her I said that because she’s meant to be bringing us dinner and she can and will withhold our food if we’re not nice to her.” Kara checks her phone to see what time Alex texted to say she was leaving The Tower to go and get food, hungry from waiting around.

Lena nods resolutely, not willing to do anything to risk Alex not bringing them food, she still needs to go grocery shopping so if Alex doesn’t pull through she’ll have to eat the random can of spaghetti hoops she has lingering in the back of her cupboard.

Speaking of food though, she has yet to get the verdict from Kara on whether or not her calorie powder has been working out for her. “Hey, I have been meaning to ask you how you’ve been getting on with the powder I made you, is it working out?”

Kara’s face splits into another smile, “It’s going great, Lena, and the best part is that I can even use it at CatCo when I mix it in with my oatmeal or my drinks and everyone just assumes that it’s a protein powder, it’s brilliant.

“It’s also been amazing for getting my calorie count up, I only have like four meals a day now rather than too many to count, it’s saved me a crap ton of time and I can’t wait to see the lasting effects it will have on my overall savings from my decreased grocery bill. Hell, I could even start thinking of getting a mortgage somewhere.”

Lena can’t help but match Kara’s smile, pride blooming in her chest. “I’m really glad it’s working out for you, Kara.”

“There was just one thing that has been bugging me though, something that was there when you showed me the powder the first time and I haven’t had since,” Kara adds, apprehension sitting heavy on her shoulders.

Lena frowns, not sure what Kara could be missing. The scoop for the powder, maybe?”

“We kissed after you showed me the powder the first time and I’ve been missing that every time I’ve had a scoop of the stuff ever since. I know we haven’t talked about it, but since we have some time now, I was hoping that maybe you’d be open to it.”

Well, that clears that up. Lena has been waiting to be able to speak to Kara about the moment they shared in the lab and has been hoping that Kara would bring it up but despite that, she has no idea what to say to her now, or how to respond.

“I…erm…yeah, yes. We can talk.”

“Are you sure? You don’t sound sure?” Kara pins her gaze onto Lena’s.

Lena nods, not fully trusting her own voice.

It’s enough for Kara though. She pulls her lips into a closed-mouth smile. “Alright then, since I kissed you I should probably go first.” She clears her throat before continuing. “I like you, that’s the main reason I kissed you and when you mumbled to yourself about wanting me to kiss you, I just couldn’t resist.”

From the fact that Kara kissed her in the first place, it has never been hard to deduce that she has some kind of feelings for her but to have her openly admit it is something new entirely. “You actually like me?”

“I do,” Kara confirms.

Lena supresses her smile. “I like you too and I did want you to kiss me, and for future records, you’re welcome to do it again.”

Kara is instantly trying to clamber out of the chair to get closer to fulfilling that desire but she is quickly stopped by Lena holding up a single finger. “But not until we have been out on an actual date.”

Straightening herself up, Kara swallows down her embarrassment at how eager she’s acting, she’s acting like a teenage boy being granted permission to touch a boob for the first time.

Perching herself back down on the chair, on the edge this time, just in case Lena changes her mind and lets her kiss her, Kara raises her hands up to cover her blushing cheeks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to come on too strong.”

“Don’t worry, I like it. I just haven’t ever had the chance to properly date someone and maybe it makes me naive or foolish but I would like to know what it’s like.” Lena ducks her head, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed to speak to Kara properly.

Shaking her head, Kara jumps in to reassure her. “I don’t think it’s foolish, I actually really like the sound of it. I can’t say that any of my past partners have been the kind to wine and dine someone so I would love it if we could try that out together.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

They sit there staring at each other and smiling so hard that their cheeks hurt, only breaking their gazes when they become aware of how long they’ve been sitting there in silence like a pair of idiots with crushes, which is exactly what they are.

Lena tilts her head. “Just for the record, I never expected to come to National City and somehow score a date with The Girl of Steel.”

“Just for the record, I never expected to date the person we needed to hire to help our group be vigilantes,” Kara replies.

“Despite everything that has happened, I am glad I came here, that I moved away from the negativity I left behind in Metropolis.” Kara nods in agreeance. “Speaking of, do you know how the people in Metropolis dealt with the bugs? I never saw anything on the news.”

Kara grimaces. “I actually already thought you knew but it was a targeted attack, the only city to get hit was ours.”

“Why would he have put in the DNA preventative then? What would be the point in putting that in place when he is nowhere near them in the first place unless…he did the whole thing just to try and scare me into going back. I thought that might have been the case but I actually thought that maybe that would be too petty, even for him. God, he’s such a gaping asshole.”

Kara sits and lets Lena rant, watching as she stands and paces her tiny apartment, following her form with her eyes. She hasn’t doubted Lena for a second on whether or not she was involved in the attack by the Luthors but seeing Lena like this, rage-filled and upset, it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that she isn’t.

She’s also certain that the others don’t think she is involved either but she’s still going to have a little chat with them to make sure that everyone is still on the same page because she knows what it’s like to be judged by the actions of your family, especially when you don’t want to be associated with them.

Lena keeps on pacing long after she’s done talking, the calculated steps helping her think. Eight one way, then eight the other, eight one way, then eight the other.

She’s facing Kara, just about to turn back around and start another circuit when there’s a heavy knock on her door.

“That’ll be Alex with food,” Kara says, excitement for food clear in her voice.

Lena takes a calming breath before swinging the door open and forcing a smile onto her face, ushering Alex inside.

Alex eyes her up strangely. “I know something’s wrong because you never smile when you see me, it’s actually quite offensive.”

“Whatever Danvers, just hand over the food, I’m starving.” Lena brings three plates down from the cupboard and reaches for the bag of Big Belly Burger that Alex just strolled in with but is infinitely more annoyed when it gets pulled out of her reach.

“Tell Mama Alex what’s wrong.”

“Call yourself that again and I will vomit. We were just talking about Lex and it made me mad, that’s it, now hand me my burger before I have Kara set you on fire.” Lena pouts angrily.

Alex tries not to laugh at the look on her face and hands the bag over, pleased to have gotten a rise out of her. “Yes boss, but we both know Kara wouldn’t turn on her favourite person on the planet, no matter how good a kisser you are.”

Kara reaches over Alex’s shoulder for her milkshake. “You’re underestimating how good of a kisser Lena is.”

Alex’s hands drop the straw she was about to stab into her own milkshake and shoot up to her ears, disgust clouding her features. “Ew! That’s gross, I don’t want to hear any more.”

Lena smiles mischievously “so you don’t want me to tell you how soft Kara’s lips are and how amazing it feels to have them against my own?”

A finger is shoved into her face. “You are not to say another word or else I will destroy your food.”

“Another word.”

Being as petty and as annoyed as she is, Alex tries to follow through with her threat, grabbing at the bag and pulling it towards herself. Kara, being the only one with any brain cells left, uses her super speed to grapple it off of her, plate up the food and deposit Alex onto the recliner chair with her plate in her lap and her milkshake in her hand.

“Stay!” She points her finger at her sister, warning her not to move before turning to Lena. “And you, behave.”

Alex huffs and digs into her burger, purposely not looking at them as her little act of revenge.

Kara and Lena grab their own food at a normal pace before sitting on the edge of Lena’s bed, plates balanced on their laps.

Lena takes one look at Alex’s frowny face and giggles into her burger. “I know you’re mad but you look like a little grumpy chipmunk.”

Kara tries not to laugh, trying to stop the fighting but can’t resist because that’s the most accurate depiction of her sister she’s heard in a while. She hides her smile behind her hand but the shaking of her shoulders gives her away.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers, if you’re laughing at me right now, I will break into your loft and break all of the DVD copies of every musical you own, don’t think I won’t.”

Kara holds her hands up. “I’m not laughing, I’m just trying to bring an end to this arguing so I can eat in peace. Do you guys think you can manage that?” She forces herself not to smile, a task much harder than some of the fights she’s been in.

“Fine,” Alex says, tone sharp.

“Lena?” Kara nudges her with her shoulder.

Lena takes one last look at Alex with a snicker but also answers. “Ok.”

“Great, now, let’s eat and then we can talk shop after. Lena and I haven’t made much progress with plans so hopefully, you have some ideas, Alex.” Kara says before biting into her food, humming at the taste but taking a second to heat vision her burger, lifting the bun first because she’s not an amateur.

Seeing what Kara just did, Lena lifts her bun and holds it out to her in demand. Kara does so with gleeful eyes.

Seeing Lena so open to her and her alien differences is something that she’s always wanted in a partner, something she once thought she’d found in Mon-El but that wasn’t meant to be. They were both aliens to this planet and Kara should have known better than to have not considered that they were aliens to each other too.

That wasn’t their only downfall but it’s up there, and it’s a mistake that Kara isn’t making. If she’s going to pursue anyone romantically, they are going to be fully, completely, and wholly accepting of who and what she is.

That’s why she’s glad she’s met Lena. She has a good feeling about her.

Read 10 more chapters early on Patreon here!

[whumpspicelatte]

Skin, wound, and fear for the not-so-nice ask game :>

Okay, the only OCs unleashed upon the internet on this blog in any true capacity are my whumper Cole Glass, my whumpee Abelard Montagnard, and Cole’s somewhat morally skewed caretaker Daniel Henrikson. I dunno which one you wanted me to answer this about, so all three it is! 

Note: By the way, this got very long and holds what probably counts as spoilers, so I’m putting it under a ‘keep reading’ to keep things contained. 

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

For Cole, his greatest fear has to be full-out honest-to-god helplessness. Cole’s got pretty major trauma, which I’ve acknowledged at even the first time I’ve written about him, and I’ll talk about it more in later installments, but to put it plainly, he got abducted by a vampire as a preteen to act as said vampire’s personal thrall and servant. Vampiric persuasion doesn’t work on Cole for a very mundane but easily overlooked reason (I’m already littering the text with tiny clues here and there), but a terrified, traumatized kid is very easy to keep in line. Being fed on so often during a crucial part of his development had its…effects on him, physical, mental and emotional. Daniel’s the only reason why he managed to get out before his captor…well, Cole is decently attractive. He made a cute kid, and had a pretty face as a teenager. That should be enough context. He still refuses to let anyone other than Daniel touch his bare skin. 

No, he doesn’t talk about it. Yes, Daniel is fully aware of all this, but Daniel knows more about Cole than literally any other person on the planet. But Cole doesn’t like to think of it- he just makes sure that he will never be so helpless again. 

Abelard’s greatest fear is actually drowning. Yep, he’s the one with the panic-spiking irrational phobia, nothing overly deep, just a deeply visceral terror which he has never been able to relinquish. Almost like a forgotten childhood trauma come back to bite him in the ass… He’s a vampire, so it’s not going to kill him, but damn would something that simulates the experience of drowning mess with his head. You know, like being waterboarded. He doesn’t like to acknowledge it at all, finds it mortifying. So far, Cole doesn’t know about this, but there’s plenty of time to find out…

Daniel can’t deal with failure- and by failure, I don’t mean just failing something once, I mean he will throw himself against a metaphorical brick wall again and again in order to make something work. If, despite his best efforts, he cannot succeed, his self-esteem will take a major, major blow. Blame it on his adoptive father; he tried his best, but being a vampire hunter means that you either start off screwed up before taking up the mantle or end up screwed up just to survive, so he was…tough. So far in his life, hard work has carried Daniel through pretty much everything he’s faced thus far- there’s a reason why he’s one of the top hunters in the country, and has managed to reach his forties despite being in the business since he was literally a child- but hard work doesn’t always work out. Not everything can be succeeded at. And oh, does it punch him right in the gut when success is no longer possible. It’ll probably be what gets him killed one day. 

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

I’d say that, at the start of the story, all three of my ocs are pretty comfortable in their own skins! 

Daniel is the most self-aware, actually, but this doesn’t make him an actually good person- I might write a series about what he gets up to at some point- and he’s also the most at peace with himself, horrors and all. He sees himself as a person- not bad, not good, mostly outside of moral contexts. He’s aware of just how much of a monster he can be, and just how much of a saint he can be at the very same time. Very comfortable with his inner nature. 

Close after him is Cole, after having received a lot of therapy, catharsis and a caretaker who refuses to quit at pretty much anything. He’s also quite self-aware, and has gotten mostly at peace with himself. But he still feels like that terrified, helpless, useless child he used to be still lurks within his marrow, and he will do anything to keep from becoming so weak again. 

Then there’s Abelard. Outwardly, he’s very confident and sure of himself, proud of being an apex predator whose very voice none can resist (except for one person before Cole shows up). He’s powerful, very much so, and he damn well knows it. Very comfortable with his body too (though all three of them are). The problem, of course, is that Abelard was not always a vampire, and wasn’t always a vampire with nobody to fear either. He still does not deal well when forced to confront the fact that no, relying on his vampiric persuasion (which is strong enough to even work on other vampires) was not the smartest of moves to make, and he damn well knew it. Ultimately, it’s that vulnerability which he hides behind his entitled arrogance. As well as the person he used to be, over a century ago, before he got so used to the bloodshed, gore and indifferent decadence littering vampiric high society. He’s not that person anymore, that person is very much dead, but he refuses to think back to when he was that person. It hurts too much. 

The feeling of being a rabid beast who needs to be contained comes later into the story, thanks to Cole’s, ahem, influence. 

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

Physically, all three of these guys deal well with being physically wounded- mostly, anyway. Daniel and Cole are both vampire hunters and have gotten hurt quite a bit in their line of work, and they’re good with remaining clinical and unbothered by all their wounds while ‘on-the-hunt’, just patch up and go. It’s a survival skill, nothing more, nothing less. Abelard, on the other hand, actually deals with injuries fairly well- when it’s not silver. Silver will typically just make him very, very mad- so long as no survival instincts rear their head. 

Now, worst wounds. Hmmm…

Daniel once literally got (lightly) vivisected by a vampire he was hunting! That was fun! Especially for Cole, who was the one who had to drag his mentor’s sorry ass to safety and to emergency medical services for what Cole couldn’t patch up himself. He’s still got the scars. Annoyingly chipper about the whole incident, which is a one-way track to inflaming Cole’s temper. 

Cole…well, see vampire-abduction-enslavement above. I’d say that counts as the worst scarring he has ever received on a mental and emotional level. Yes, he's also got physical scarring from the experience too. Moving on.

Abelard…well, I’d say this experience, the story focused on Abelard’s torture and conditioning, will be the worst thing to ever happen to him, when taking into account the fact that he is going to get whumped quite a bit and get mindscrewed over for the sake of Cole’s ‘domestication theory’, but before now? Uh…his sire was a very messed-up person! Let’s just leave it at that for now! 

Thanks for sending this my way! It was pretty fun to round my characters out like this a bit more!

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

Do you have tips on how to deal with fear of success/self sabotage due to growing up in a toxic home? I’m scared of leaving because everything I’ve tried mostly didn’t work out, and my parents have exhausted me, and emotionally beat me out of being excited for the future. Im suppose to graduate college this year, but I can’t because I wasn’t allowed to transfer and had panic attacks during online college so I had to stop. I just feel….so stuck and miserable. I spent majority of this year wasting money binging and ducking up my teeth and health in the process. Ik it’s not good for me, and now I actually have the resources and can save $ to leave, but I’m still scared. Of the guilt but more so that even if I leave my toxic house, I’ll still be miserable. I’m worried that secretly all along I was the problem and using my parents as an excuse. Sounds irrational I’m sorry but it’s the truth. Please what advice would you give me? Thank you.

First, you need professional help if you’re binging and puking (I assume you got autocorrected there). Whether you mean that you’re binging and purging your food or if you’re binging alcohol and vomiting, you need more help than I can give here.

What I can help with is in reassuring you that happiness is not a random state that just happens. It’s something we choose and build for ourselves. What’s so amazing about that is you don’t have to just sit and hope for it to happen. You can control it. You can make it for yourself. I think one of the hardest things to unlearn for people from toxic situations is that we don’t control our own lives.

I liken it to surviving a storm. You leaned to make yourself small. You learned to look for and respond to danger at all times. You learned to never let your guard down for a moment. And so it’s natural to think your happiness is tied to the wind.

But it’s not. You don’t have to hope and appease the wind. You can grow up and leave. You can choose to build a better life and to learn healthy coping mechanisms. Yes, it’s work. Yes, it takes time. But it is so so worth it.

Early 20s is when most mental illnesses peak. Statistically speaking, it only gets easier from here.

As soon as it’s financially possible, move out. Limit contact with toxic people. Look after you. Figure out what happiness looks like for you. Then make it. A little bit each day.

And to address your most heartbreaking question- of whether the problem was really you all along- I can promise you with 99.9% certainty that you aren’t. I’m likely closer in age to your parents than to you and let me promise you that there is nothing a child or teen can do that justifies cruelty or neglect. The adult is always responsible for their behavior.

But just to fully reassure you, let me promise that if you are the problem, you won’t heal or get better any more than if it wasn’t your fault by staying in a toxic environment. Even if in the 0.01-% case where you’re the toxic one, you can’t hope to change stuck where you are. I saw my aunt go through a mid life crisis that wasn’t cute. She became very cruel because she was miserable and while it’s correct to say she was the toxic one, she never would have changed for the better if she hadn’t left my uncle and my cousins and got her shit together far away. She also didn’t become that way in a vacuum.

But again, I am 99.9% confident you’re a perfectly lovely person with toxic parents. And no matter what you deserve a chance to be happy.

[dirty-urie]

To sum up… everything going on in relationship to this blog/myself:

I am crushed. My absolute favorite concert ever was PFTW, and I had been looking forward to many more concerts to come

While VLV was far from my favorite album, I still think it displayed what would’ve been a cool artistic/sonic direction for the band, and I was looking forward to seeing more concept albums

I don’t think it’s fully set in yet for me. No more panic

Despite me feeling upset/betrayed, Brendon didn’t do anything wrong and I hope he and Sarah are happy

He had outgrown the Panic! brand, so I’m not super mad that’s retiring. but I do doubt he’ll come back with a real solo career. Probably ever. Even without the parasite, his voice and live performances have been declining. Not past the point of no-return, but if he’s not willing to put the work in, it’ll only get worse

That being said, he’ll probably continue to do his little drumming shows

And be guest-featured on other artists’ tracks

And I assume sporadically release more fun/experimental tracks like his metal songs

If you’re upset, you’re right to be.

I personally think this is stupid given Brendon and Sarah’s preferred lifestyle/repeated thoughts on children, but maybe they’ve changed A LOT and want it

That being said, if they have changed that much, Brendon is not the person I thought I was a fan of, hence some of the (irrational and unhealthy, I know) feelings of betrayal

I don’t think I’ll delete this blog in the near-future, but I’ve slowly shifted away from Brendon and this solidifies that gap, so I may be less active or completely inactive

Anyway, general blanket warning not to harass/reach out to any real life people involved.

[hallelujahonmytongue]

Hey guys, here is the much referenced post about my crisis of faith that I’ve been putting off writing! This note is just to say it’s a long post that mentions trauma, and is also pretty stream of consciousness so the writing is kind of poor.

Been putting off writing this post since Yom Kippur which was almost two months ago now, but I want to get it off my chest. Basically I had a massive crisis of faith literally on Erev Yom Kippur which started when I was so excited to finally be able to fast because my health was good enough to, only to then end up having a severe panic attack over the thought of it which was because of my trauma from my parents and how I used to be hungry all the time when I had CFS because I could only eat certain foods and if we ran out I couldn’t walk to get more and they wouldn’t get me any sometimes no matter how much I asked. And I realised when I had the panic attack that I wouldn’t be able to fast because bringing back up that pain would be very foolish.

And it just made me so angry to have this experience that I had wanted for almost two years ripped away at the last minute because of my trauma, and it tied back into my general anger at G-d for letting me be traumatised in the first place. There are many arguments for why bad things happen to good people and I know them all because I looked into it at great length, and I actually had accepted it for a long time until this moment when it came to a head that if I couldn’t even worship G-d how one is meant to then that was beyond the pale in terms of things I could accept.

I had the panic attack on the way to synagogue on Erev Yom Kippur (the evening you start fasting on, since Jewish holidays go from sundown to sundown) and by the time I was walking home from the service I was so angry that something just snapped in my brain and I stopped believing in G-d. It was a really horrifying feeling; I didn’t even think before then that I did believe in G-d because as a very rational person I had been saying to myself that all I was doing was allowing myself to be irrational by leaning into the faith that some part of me clearly wanted (I had tried to be an atheist and forcefully not believe in G-d and it hadn’t worked; I was just miserable all the time) and saying to myself that I didn’t care if G-d existed or not but I would do the rituals anyway because they made me feel better, but it turns out I definitely did have faith because when I lost it it really just crushed me.

I tried praying and talking to G-d how I often would but it felt like the sky was empty and I was talking to no one. I hadn’t realised how much I relied on saying prayers a few times a day until I couldn’t because I just felt so angry when I thought of G-d. It was like… when I did feel Their presence again I felt humiliated that They would put me through this on the eve of the holiest day of the year and that They would hurt me in such a way that cuts to my core because it was such a battle for me to accept that I did have faith in Them and to then start questioning whether that was the right decision or the truth and to feel like I didn’t know up from down suddenly was terrifying.

I came to the realisation that even if I started believing in Them and feeling Their presence reliably again it would just be forever tainted by the knowledge that They had ripped it from me in such a way, and my anger over that led me to promise myself I wouldn’t ever get swept up in it again. It’s been a pretty awful process to reevaluate and reinterpret experiences I’ve had to come to terms with this, and I don’t think I’ve fully done it yet because it’s just so painful and shameful to feel duped like this.

At the same time, I desperately miss the feeling of knowing G-d and I’ve even found a longing for Christianity since that’s the religion I knew as a child and therefore it’s comforting and familiar to me. I know it’s just a fantasy though; there’s no way I could ever become a Christian for many reasons.

I haven’t really thought about what I want to do with regards to Judaism. I have such love for the people and for the traditions and culture, it’s actually making me a bit teary thinking about it, but I haven’t gone back to synagogue since then because I’m scared I’ll find no joy in it now I’m saying the prayers to no one. There is still a part of me that wants to convert, only because of how much I care, but it’s hard to sort out what I feel now from what I just haven’t examined that’s stuck around from before. Also, I’ve really been blocking it out of my mind because it’s hard to find time for existential crises when one has university. And it’s very painful. I suppose I have lots of time to think about it.

It’s just going to be hard to explain to other people, especially my s/o. Them being Jewish is a source of connection for us, and for me to Judaism. I know I’ll find a way to tell them but it hurts me that I even have to after I was so certain of things. I’m scared it’ll hurt them to hear it, but I suppose I don’t have a choice since I’m not going to keep it a secret and I really want them to know so we can talk about it. I think that would help.

Okay, long post but it’s good to get my thoughts out like this. Thanks for listening!

[fireinmoonshot]

CONTAINS SPOILER FOR ETERNALS.

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR Summary: In 1521, the Eternals disbanded and Druig left you despite the lengthy past you'd both shared. Now, you're forced back together by the Emergence, but after 500 years apart, neither of you are quite the same as you were. But a love like the one you shared hundreds of years ago never quite goes away. Pairing: Druig x Fem! Reader (slight enemies to lovers) Fandom: Marvel's Eternals Warnings: ETERNALS SPOILERS, mentions of injuries, mentions of death. Word Count: 3255 A/N: Well, I've given in and decided to do a smaller multi part fic for Druig – proving how I'm complete and utter Eternals and Druig trash at this point. This one won't be as long as my other multi parts and will probably just consist of three to four parts that are a bit longer. It'll also jump between the present timeline and moments shared in the past, so I hope it's not too hard to follow along with! I'm really looking forward to finishing this and posting it for you all. It's already proven to be a challenge for me as a writer so far, which feels like exactly what I need right now. Please let me know if you enjoy it and I look forward to sharing the rest! The title of the fic comes from the song Love Me Harder by WOODZ! ❤️

BABYLON, 525 BC

Druig doesn’t like you very much.

He thinks you’re irrational. You take risks when you shouldn’t, which more often than not ends up in you nearly getting killed when you’re all fighting the Deviants. He wishes you’d stop being so much of a risk taker and stop making him panic internally every time he sees you in danger.

It’s why, when he sees you on the back of a Deviant moments before you’re thrown off, he feels like his throat is closing up and he can’t breathe properly anymore. Without you, the team would probably be doomed.

Makkari is quick to catch you in mid air, though the wind is knocked out of you at the impact, and she instructs you to stay put as she sets you down on a log a little bit away from the rest of the fight.

You rub your stomach, knowing you’re going to have a bruise there, and wince a little as you try to catch your breath. Makkari is the only one you’d listen to. If she told you to stay back, you would. Even though it kills you to sit there and watch everyone else fighting when you should be helping them. It makes you feel beyond useless.

Druig jogs up to you once he sees Makkari set you down. His mind is raging and he’s preparing to give you a very stern talking to about your irresponsible actions, but you sense him coming first.

“I’m irrational, irresponsible, I’m putting the wellbeing of the whole team at risk and I need to act more like an Eternal and less like a silly, fragile human when it comes to fighting Deviants,” you say as soon as Druig is in earshot. You’ve heard his spiel many times before.

He narrows his eyes and stops just in front of you.

You look up and meet his eyes. “You don’t have to tell me again.”

“I’ll keep telling you until you actually understand,” Druig huffs.

The thought of him telling you again makes you laugh a little, which just makes Druig even more irritated by you. How long will he continue to tell you the things you already know? Laughing is a bad idea, though, as your stomach still hurts and you haven’t fully caught your breath yet. The laugh only agitates the pain.

You press your hand to your stomach and suck in a deep breath.

Druig furrows his eyebrows and steps closer. “Are you hurt?”

“I just got thrown by a Deviant and caught in midair. You tell me.”

He doesn’t like your sarcasm. His hands itch to reach towards you and check you over, make sure you’re actually okay and not badly hurt, but he pulls them back. You’d hate if he actually did that, and he’d wonder if he was going mad if he did it, too.

You look up at him again. “Will you go and help them?” You point towards the others, still fighting the Deviants over by the gates of Babylon. “I can’t help right now, but you can, so make me feel less shit about being sidelined and go and help them. Please.”

Druig shoots you a dark look and gives up, stalking away from you without another word. There’s a worry in the back of his mind about if you really are injured badly and pretending to be okay, or if you’re actually being truthful, but he has no time to ponder the thought. There are Deviants to kill.

He jumps back into the battle with ease and you watch from your spot on the log, hand still pressed onto your stomach. You have a feeling that the lack of ability to catch your breath isn’t so much to do with being thrown off the back of a Deviant and more with one specific, very irritating Eternal.

~~~

After the fight is over and you’re all back in the Domo, he watches as Ajak approaches you and heals your bruised stomach. It had been painful, catching sight of you as he fought. You looked so alone sitting on the log, watching as everyone else fought the battle you thought was yours to help win.

It serves you right, Druig thought. Your irrational behaviour taught you a lesson.

That was before he saw you wincing as you’d stood up to run over to the others at the end of the fight. When he noticed that you hadn’t even been able to run properly. He felt a little bad then, but only a little.

It doesn’t take you long to get back to your usual self back in the Domo. Sersi, Gilgamesh, Makkari, Kingo and Sprite are all still out helping the humans get their things back together after the attack, but with the others in the room, you’re back laughing and joking, talking about the fight with ease.

Thena even has a small smile on her face as she sips her drink and listens into your conversation with Ajak and Gilgamesh. Phastos had disappeared to go back to work a while ago and Druig has stayed silently in the corner of the room, watching and occasionally adding to the conversation whenever he has an appropriate sarcastic remark.

You catch his eye a few times, catch him watching you when you laugh or when you glance around the room just to look somewhere other than the three people in front of you. It’s disconcerting. He’s never looked at you this much before, except when he was mad at you. It would make sense if he was mad at you now, though.

He doesn’t even really realise that he’s watching you for one reason and one reason alone – he’s worried. He’ll never admit that he’s worried about you. He’s not the type of person to worry about much else other than himself, but the sight of you in pain earlier still plays on repeat in his mind. He can’t get it out of his head no matter how much he tries.

Druig watches you to try and remove it. He watches you laugh, watches you casually sipping on your drink, watches you deep in conversation with Ajak, Thena and Gilgamesh and yet the image from before stays deeply planted in his mind.

~~~

TOKYO, PRESENT DAY

It’s starting to rain outside as you pack up the things on your desk into your backpack and sling it over your shoulder, ready to leave. The sky is already dark, night having fallen a few hours ago, though you’d been cooped up in your classroom since the middle of the afternoon when you’d gone out to buy a quick snack.

You can see the dark grey rain clouds over the city as you leave the building and make your way onto the street to head home. The day had gone well – better than well, actually.

You’d had a class in the morning and then six students to tutor in the afternoon and evening, which had helped in filling up your day and your mind. The earthquake a few days ago had really shaken you up, made you worry about the state of Earth and what the others were doing, so having something else to do had been good to keep you occupied.

The rain starts to get heavier and you curse yourself under your breath for forgetting to bring your umbrella and not checking the forecast before you left for work this morning. But it’s too late to go to a convenience store and buy one. You have nine minutes till your train home and you’re not planning on missing it.

You duck past a group of people walking on the footpath beside you and try not to slip on the wet ground as you walk steadily towards the train station, only two blocks away from the building where you teach.

It feels normal here in Tokyo. The earthquake had been strange, and you’d felt it – been in the middle of a lesson when it’d happened – but everyone had moved on. Earthquakes weren’t a rarity here, you’d lived through thousands of them in your many, many years living in Japan – so life went on ignoring the strange natural disaster.

You can see the entrance to the station just ahead. It’s a welcome sight considering the rain is now falling steadily and the shoulders of your coat are beginning to become uncomfortably wet. There’s water dripping down onto your face from your hair.

You glance at your watch – five minutes. You have five minutes until your train arrives, and then another fifteen before you’re home in the safety and comfort of your apartment. It’s the most exciting part of your day, especially because the thought of sitting at home and watching the rain from your window sounds so nice.

There are a few people standing out the front of the train station as you get closer. They’re all huddled together under two umbrellas and you wonder why they don’t just walk a few more steps and actually stand under the cover of the train station. Perhaps they’re tourists, you think, trying to use the umbrellas that they probably frantically bought at a convenience store as soon as the rain hit and wanting to get their money’s worth.

Tucking your hands deeper into the pockets of your coat, you pick up your pace as you reach the train station, though just before you enter the train station, an umbrella is placed over your head. You stop suddenly, eyebrows furrowed, and look up to see none other than Ikaris holding the umbrella over your head.

“You’ve lived here for how long and you don’t have an umbrella?” He sounds amused.

You blink once, twice, trying to see if Ikaris is real or not, if you’re just hallucinating or not. But then you glance at the other people under the umbrellas at the entrance. Sersi, Sprite and Kingo. They’re unmistakably your family.

“What– what are you four doing here? In Tokyo?” You gasp at them.

They all wander over towards you and Ikaris, who now stands closer to you so that you can both be under the comfort of the umbrella and out of the rain. You feel like you’re dreaming. Your family – here in Tokyo, where they’d never visited you, after so long…

“I wish I could say that we’re just here to visit,” Sersi says, her voice sounding sad and regretful. Something uncomfortable settles in the bottom of your stomach. “But we’re not.”

You hear the sound of an announcement inside the train station and glance down at your watch. “Shit, my train leaves in… three minutes,” you look back up at them. “I don’t mean to be rude, and I am glad to see you all, but can we have this conversation at my place? I don’t want to miss my train, it’s been a long day.”

It’s a very human thing of you to say, you think. The last time you’d all been together like this, none of you had really been that involved in the lives of humans except for Sersi. You all still had a job to do. Things are different now, or at least, they were.

“Yes,” Sersi agrees, “It’ll be good to talk about this somewhere private. Let’s go.”

Her words don’t inspire confidence in you, but you lead them all to your home anyway.

~~~

ROME, AD 47

Druig tolerates you.

He still thinks you’re irrational and irresponsible and very mindless at times, but you’ve gotten considerably better in the last five hundred years. He hasn’t had to tell you about how irresponsible he thinks you are in at least three hundred years, which he thinks is quite an improvement.

Still, he watches you. He’s been watching you ever since that day in Babylon. Despite the fact that so much time has passed, the sight of you in pain still lingers in his mind, high among his memories. It stays there still, refusing to leave no matter how much time passes.

“You’re gonna get hit with a chariot!” Sprite suddenly yells at him.

Makkari knocks him out of the way as a chariot thunders past, right down the street they’d been walking on. The sun is high in the sky, shining down on them, so he blames that for his lack of focus and furrows his eyebrows.

“Why is that thing even in the street?”

“I’d assume chariot racing,” you say from beside him. He doesn’t know where you’ve appeared from, considering he was walking further in front of you and you’d been in conversation with Sersi. “We’re right by the Circus Maximus, where they often hold chariot racing. They’re probably taking it there for the racing this week. Don’t you keep up with the weeks events?”

Druig looks at you. “Thank you, know it all.”

You intentionally respond to him with a large smile, fluttering your eyelashes at him as you do just because you know it’ll drive him mad. Then, you skip off ahead of him to catch up with Kingo.

He watches you as you leave him.

Sprite nudges his side rather forcefully with her elbow. “You’re so obvious, and you don’t even know it. It’s embarrassing. I’d be embarrassed if I were you,” she shudders.

“Embarrassed?” He shakes his head. “You’re being daft.”

She doesn’t accept the insult, shrugging her shoulders and crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re both being incredibly irritating, I hope you know that. If you didn’t, then at least you know that now.”

There’s no chance for Druig to reply to her since she skips off ahead, too, joining you and Kingo. He watches as she weaves her arm through yours and you smile down at her.

He wonders, briefly, how it would feel for you to smile at him like that and then brushes the thought from his mind like it had never been there in the first place.

~~~

TOKYO, PRESENT DAY

Ajak is dead and Sersi, Ikaris, Sprite and Kingo are all sitting in your kitchen with warm cups of tea in front of them. The world feels like it’s been swept out from under your feet, but here your family is… sitting in your kitchen after centuries. But not all of them.

Today has not gone as planned.

You were supposed to be coming home to sit and listen to the rain, maybe go through some of the marking from the tests you’d given your students this morning, and now the world is at risk again.

Your world.

Earth has always been a home to you, ever since you stepped foot on it. But it’s been 7000 years now. You’ve seen the best it has to offer and the worst it has to offer. You can’t lose it.

You slump down against the kitchen bench behind you and run a hand through your hair. It’s still wet from the rain before, you haven’t had a chance to dry it since you got to making tea for the others as soon as you stepped foot in your apartment. Your wet coat is drying off on a coat rack by the door along with the others coats.

“You okay?” Ikaris looks over at you. You look rough.

“I don’t think I have an answer for that.”

He nods understandingly.

“So, what’s next?” You take a long breath and look over at the four of them. You don’t want to wallow in your feelings for too long because you know they’ll only overtake you if you do. You’ve been there before, and you won’t do it again.

Sersi sets her tea down after taking a sip. “We have to find the others, get everyone back together. It’s the only way. We can’t do this without each other. We have to work together again.”

You don’t like her words even though you agree with them. She’s right, of course – she’s always right, which is why Ajak had picked her as her predecessor – but the idea of getting back together with everyone after so long apart is a scary idea.

It’s been centuries since you’ve been in the same room with everyone. While they’d all met up every now and then, you hadn’t joined them very frequently, preferring to just meet up one on one. If you did that, it meant you could pick and choose who you saw and didn’t see. It was safer for your heart that way.

Sersi and Makkari had been the two you’d seen most often, but it’s still been years since you’ve seen either of them, too. You’ve spent the last a hundred and fifty years essentially alone.

“I don’t… I can’t,” you shake your head, crossing your arms over your chest. “I have classes to teach, students who are relying on me. I have papers to mark. I can’t just get up and disappear like that, out of the blue. I can’t.”

You know that you’re only trying to convince yourself of the impossible, but you still try regardless.

Sersi fixes you with a look. She knows exactly why you want to stay behind and it has nothing to do with the fact that you have responsibilities here in Tokyo.

“We need you,” Sersi says. “We can’t do this without you. I can’t.”

There’s nothing more anyone can say. Your fate is sealed.

~~~

KASHGAR, AD 304

Druig flinches back away from you with a scowl. “Haven’t you heard of personal space?” He scoffs, taking a few steps away from you.

You’re smiling at him, one of those beautiful smiles that always make him feel a bit warm and fuzzy inside, and you don’t move from where you’re standing, hands behind your back, watching him with playful eyes.

“What, do I have somethin’ on my face?”

“Mmm.” You nod at him, giving him confirmation but not much.

Druig rolls his eyes and wipes a hand over his face, trying to get rid of whatever was on his face that you weren’t kind enough to point out to him. He can’t feel anything and when he looks back down at his hand, it’s perfectly clean.

He turns his body to face you. “Are you messin’ with me?”

You do nothing, continuing to stare at him with a smile on your face. Druig thinks that the longer you do it, the creepier it gets, and he starts to wonder if there’s any way he can just make you stop smiling. Then, you surprise him.

His feet stay strangely planted to the ground as you step towards him, one of your hands moving up towards his face. He watches your finger with worried eyes as you advance. Your finger finally makes contact with his face and he feels like he’s been given an electric shock as you wipe something of off of his cheek.

You don’t step away from him after you remove your hand, looking at your finger.

“What is it, then?” Druig coughs out a breath.

You show your finger to him. There’s nothing on it.

“Nothing,” you hum. “I just wanted to see what you’d do.”

With that, you turn and walk away from him as if nothing had ever happened. Druig can’t move, though. He can barely breathe thinking about how close you were to him, the light touch of your finger on his skin. He’s stuck in place, tortured. Why would you do that? Why would you want to see what he’d do? You make absolutely no sense to him.

Druig truly can’t stand you.

[nyxnygma]

Ignore Him || Eric Carr

[Eric Carr x Fem!Reader]

Summary: Eric introduces his new girlfriend to his band mates but one of them is not too impressed - inspired by something I read on Wattpad

Warnings: slight age gap, Gene being rude, tears, bit of anxiety

Masterlist

“You need to stop worrying so much,” Eric chuckles.

“What if they hate me?” I panic. We were parked outside the recording studio in his car.

“They won’t,” he assures, “anyway, if for some reason they’re stupid enough to hate you. It won’t change how much I love you.”

“You promise?” I sigh as I look at him.

“I promise,” and with that he pulled me into a quick kiss before exiting the car.

I followed him into the building and he led me round the corridors (his arm wrapped securely around my waist) to the room where his friends were congregated. “Good morning,” Paul greeted as he saw us pass through the doors. Eric waved.

“Whose this?” Vinnie smirked.

“This is Y/N,” Eric smiled proudly, “she’s the girlfriend I’ve been speaking about.”

“Ah. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Vinnie smiled.

“It is indeed,” Paul agrees.

“How did you meet again?” Gene spoke up. He looked at me skeptically.

“Oh well,” Eric started to reply, “we met after she came backstage at a show last year.”

“So she’s a fan,” Gene hummed, “I was expecting you to have some sort of model or someone to be your loyal girlfriend but I guess a 20 year old groupie works.”

My brows furrowed, I didn’t know if it was just me being sensitive but his words cut deep. I already felt as if I wasn’t good enough for the drummer of a famous band and right at that moment it felt as if Gene was confining my fear.

“I’m sure what Gene meant to say is you both look cute together,” Paul coughs.

“I’m so lucky to have her,” Eric’s smiles from beside me.

I smile back at him but not without hearing Gene mutter, “I think it’s the other way around.”

As soon as Eric was fully focused on his work, I broke away from the group and decided to sit on the floor outside the room. Gene was right. Eric had a shot with someone famous but he was with a fan. Fans are one night stands material for rockstars not girlfriends. I leant my head back against the wall and let these thoughts swarm around in my head. I fought back tears. I didn’t even hear the door open thirty minutes later.

“There you are,” Eric smirked, obviously not seeing the look on my face.

“Sorry. I wanted to leave you to work,” I replied. He sat next to me.

“That’s okay,” he nodded and turned to study my features, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I lie.

“No, no, no,” he shakes his head, “something is obviously wrong. Is it.. is it Gene?”

“Yes.” I sigh, “he’s right, you know.” I look down as my hands in my lap.

“Hey now. what makes you say that?” He lifts his brows up.

“I’m no one and you’re this amazing drummer,” I explain, “you could do so much better than me!”

“Why on earth would I want to be with anyone but you?” He asks as he takes one of my hand into his and lifts my head up to face him with his other, “you’re everything I want. Your gorgeous and kind and charming. You are so amazing and you are so blind if you don’t see that.”

“Really?” I start to tear up again at how sweet he was.

“Of course!” He leans in to kiss my cheek, “Gene was just being protective. Ignore him. He thinks fans will just use us for fame if we started a relationship with them. Get to know him more and he’ll realise that your nothing like that.”

I nod as I pull the man into a tight embrace. “I love you so much. I’m sorry for acting irrational.”

“I love you too, Angel,” he replies, “but there is nothing to apologise for, you did nothing wrong.”

[literaryobsession]

caught || ayato kamisato x reader

summary: ayato confesses to you

warning: read the first part if you haven't yet and as per usual, this is not proofread or edited

chapter: fallen

You looked incredulously at Ayato, “I don’t remember receiving that invitation from Yae Miko. I’m sure the priestesses would’ve sent in that message a week before.”

Ayato had just told you that you need to remind him for that dinner meeting he has with Yae but you don’t remember receiving an invitation so it was not in the commissioner’s schedule. How could this important detail get past you?

“I’ll just have to contact the Grand Narukami Shrine to confi-"

Ayato slammed his hands on the table, knocking over a pile of documents, "You don't have to!" Then he paused and gave you a kind smile, trying to compose himself, "Yae Miko and I had a talk last week and I didn't tell you. We just agreed to meet to settle on the impending clean up for the shrine."

The Yashiro Commissioner was acting so weird, you thought as you stared at him.

"Do you need me to confirm with Yae Miko?" You continued inquiring as you needed to be informed with these sort of things. What kind of assistant were you if you don't know the details of meetings?

He shook his head again as he picked up his files, "I already did. We're going to the teahouse, as usual." Then he stood up, "No need to confirm with them as I already asked Thoma to do it earlier today."

You nodded slowly, taking in the idea that Ayato took care of everything. It was new to you but perhaps Ayato was learning to be more responsible. Or perhaps...was this his way of saying he doesn't need you anymore?

Panic set in your system and you glanced over at Ayato who was signing files. Was he thinking that he doesn't need an assistant anyway and you're basically gonna be kicked out of the premises after a week?

"Do...do you need anything else, Lord Ayato?" You tried to calm yourself down. Nothing is gonna come out of panicking over such a small matter.

Ayato gave you a smile, "Perhaps your presence for dinner?"

You nodded and hurried off to find Thoma, trying to calm your nerves before you do something irrational. "Thoma!"

The blond attendant was on his way to make tea for Ayaka when you spotted him. He stopped in his tracks and glanced at you, "Hey Y/N, what's up?"

You walked beside him as he kept up with his tasks for the day, "Do you think I'm going to be fired?"

Thoma stopped and turned to you with an incredulous look on his face, "You? Fired? By whom? Lord Ayato?"

"Yes. He's been acting weird today." You chewed on the skin in your mouth, "First he has set a meeting without my knowledge, confirmed the meeting, and have you arrange everything!"

"Oh! The one with Yae Miko?" Thoma saw how worried it made you and he could understand why. You've been working hard, you've been giving your time fully to the Yashiro Commissioner, and now, you felt like he doesn't need you anymore. He always knew you were determined (and a perfectionist) but he never knew the extent.

"You want me to lie..." Thoma walked back with Ayato to the Kamisato estate, after confirming the reservation that the commissioner made for the plan.

Ayato nodded, mischief glinting in his eye. "Y/N will definitely ask you about it as I will tell them that you were the one to set the meeting in the Komore Teahouse. I imagine they will run to you to ask and once they do, you only have to tell them..." Ayato laid his eyes on the blond, "Repeat after me..."

Thoma didn't know how he got roped in this. "You have a lot on your plate already. Lord Ayato wants you to..."

It was good that he knew of the plan, or else he could have worried with you. "Don't worry too much, Y/N. The only reason why Lord Ayato didn't tell you is because you have a lot on your plate already. He told me that he wants to show you that he is capable too."

As much as Thoma wanted to ease your mind, you were already incredibly worried about everything. While the blond babbled on over making tea, you looked back at your work performance the previous weeks. You saw nothing wrong as you were working according to what your job description was. You needed to keep Ayato's affairs in a neat schedule, all documents must be reviewed, signed, or acknowledged, and of course, keep the Commissioner in line.

What if, you thought, Lord Ayato isn't happy with how I treat him?

You weren't doing things on your own accord though. You talked to Ayato about the current arrangements, sensing how the man is too flighty when stressed, and he agreed on it. You wondered if he was simply being polite about it.

Looking back, Ayato never had any complaints and you thought it was just because he liked you.

He must've felt negatively about the entire thing!

You carried over your worries as you made your way over the Komore Teahouse earlier than what was told to you. You wanted to make sure that everything is perfect, just so Ayato won't have anything to complain about you anymore.

You were brought to one of the private areas, the one that was reserved for the meeting and you paused when you found only two seats. There were flowers adorning the room, too many for a business meeting, and you hurried over to Kozue to make changes before the Commissioner arrives.

"Kozue!" The woman was standing outside the teahouse as per usual. Before you worked as Ayato's assistant, you were employed here so you knew whose responsibility is which. "We need more chairs for the Commissioner's reserved room. Also, the flowers look a tad too much, can we tone it down a little?"

"Y/N, I checked. The Commissioner only wanted two chairs, for him and for his guest." Kozue frowned at you as she looked at the file, "Thoma specifically said that according to the Yashiro Commissioner, the room must be filled with flowers. They paid extra for it."

Two seats? Two people?

So you weren't even included in the meeting now?

Ayato said...

"But I was supposed to be..."

But before you could even say anything else, "Y/N? Is there something wrong?" Ayato's voice interrupted you. You turned to see the Commissioner, and your expression made him frown, "What ails you, my dearest?" He stepped forward and tucked a stray hair behind your ear.

"I'm sorry, Lord Ayato. I can't even do my work properly." You were so frustrated by everything that you honestly didn't care about hiding your tears from Ayato Kamisato.

Ayato wiped your tears gently then told Kozue, "Please have dinner served. " He took your hand in his, surprising you incrediy, and led you to the room that he reserved for tonight. "This looks divine, does it not? You like sakura, don't you?"

You nodded as you felt out of place in the room that didn't even request your presence.

Ayato let your hand go, faced you, and made you look at him, "Now, tell me what troubles your pretty head."

"I'm sorry if I hadn't been working according to your standards, Lord Ayato. I have failed you completely and now, I can't even fix this room right. Yae Miko is coming and we still don't have enough chairs. The room looks like a flower shop and I..."

You stopped when you heard Ayato chuckling over your frustrations, "I see. Thoma did warn me earlier."

Thoma?

"My beautiful Y/N, you have it all wrong." His warm hands cupped your cheeks, an intimacy he never showed you before. Although Ayato Kamisato can be incredibly clingy and physical, with the many instances of him making you stay in the office while he worked, and him always reaching out to touch your cheek. "You have been wonderful to me, I could not ask for more."

"You're not firing me?" You sniffed, trying to calm your heart.

You tried every single day to ignore how charming the Yashiro Commissioner really was. It was no secret how beautiful Ayato was, and having to work with him only made you admire him more. Unlike most men in Inazuma, Ayato was gentle in his ways. Albeit incredibly childish when he's stressed out, his intellect is unmatched - you've seen how he talked daily with guests and you still can't believe that the flighty Ayato who constantly seeks out Itto's presence is the same Ayato who could talk, without even a hint of question in his voice, to the Raiden Shogun.

"Fire you? If I could make you replace me as Commissioner, I would." He grinned when you let out a chuckle, "My dear Y/N, you have done so much for me and for Inazuma that I can't even begin to list them down without admitting to myself that you make a better Yashiro Commissioner."

"You are so biased, Lord Ayato." You were relieved that you weren't about to get sacked but then, what about earlier? What was his weirdness all about?

"Oh hardly, I never flatter. You of all people should know that. I simply tell the truth as I see it." Ayato's eyes softened as his gaze grazed over your features, "I am thankful every single day of you."

"I am grateful for you too." You told him. There was no use in denying it since Ayato was also pouring out his soul to you. "But before anything else, Yae Miko is about to arrive and there is still one more chair missing."

Ayato let your cheeks go when he heard a knock on the door, "Sit and I shall tell you." He ordered then opened the door, revealing the food he ordered. You sat down and found Ayato sill watching you as the food kept on coming. He joined you before he said, "Yae Miko isn't joining us."

"What do you mean..."

"There was no meeting request." Ayato poured tea for you, "It was all a ruse to get you here."

You stared at the Commissioner, "I don't understand."

"I don't expect you to, Y/N." He offered you the cup, "I wanted to talk to you about something. I didn't think an office setting would be appropriate for it so here we are."

You nodded, "So this meeting..."

"Is a date." Ayato smiled wide.

You choked on your tea, "A what? A date?" Did you hear that correctly? You were in a date with Ayato Kamisato?

Wait.

What?

"You are correct. You see Y/N, over the years, I have never thought of these things, much less this emotion I have for you. You are not obliged to feel the same but I pray to the Archons that you do." His usual confident self is now slowly backing away. Ayato Kamisato is presenting his heart to you, with as much uncertainty as a normal person. "You have made my days brighter, my work even lighter. I enjoy having you around. Your smile fuels me to go on."

You can't believe what you were hearing.

"Your dedication makes me want to do a better job as Yashiro Commissioner," Ayato's eyes met yours, "No matter how unprofessional this may be, I have fallen in love with you."

You stared at him as he confessed, wanting to know if it was real or not.

"Quite a bad time to be speechless, is it not, Y/N?" He reached out for your hand and you laced your fingers with his. Ayato looked up expectantly at you when you reciprocated.

"I feel the exact same way." You managed to breathe out.

If Ayato's presence brought light to a room, the smile on his face is now blinding. You have never seen him this happy. He kissed your knuckles, leaving you with goosebumps up your arm, "We must plan for our wedding!"

"Ayato!"

He laughed, "I'll give you a year, my darling." Then he kissed your skin again, "Cannot believe you thought I was firing you, of all people!"

"You were acting quite strangely earlier."

"Ah, so you notice." His mischief was back, you could see it in his eyes. "You notice the subtle changes in me so easily. Do you take pleasure in watching me, my dear?"

You could feel your cheeks burning, "Oh hush you, the only reason why I keep a close eye on you is because you always run away from me."

"I will never run away from you again, my love. I will stay forever by your side."

He used the same words during your wedding a year after and he fulfilled them every single day.

Ayato Kamisato is forever yours.

[pascalpanic]

request please? lately i have been having a lot abandonment anxiety when it comes to friendships and i was wondering how you think javi or din might help someone with an anxious attachment style? thank you lovely 🥰

Irrational (Din Djarin x f!Reader)

Summary: above ^^

W/C: 2.8k

Warnings: language; talk of fighting and weapons, reader has a panic attack PLEASE be aware that it’s coming and somewhat descriptive.

A/N: I really really love this! I hope you guys do too :) as always, thanks to my beta reading babes!

Din Djarin has been abandoned before. Often on a mission, sometimes on a lone planet with no credits or ways out. He always survives, of course, and vengeance is taken. One thing he absolutely can’t fathom is abandoning someone he loves, or more specifically someone who loves him.

Abandonment isn’t an issue when you’ve never had someone to be attached to. Din spent many many years with absolutely no one. When his parents died, it felt like he was abandoned, sure, but it was clearly not their decision to leave him. When he was taken in by the Mandalorians, they kept him at an arm’s length. He was a foundling; they cared for him well, taught him The Way and The Creed, fed him well. But he was never adopted into a specific clan, rather passed around the covert like the communal task each family had an obligation to fulfill.

Then he became a bounty hunter. The life was solitary and lonely, cold and bleak. It was rare that Din would team up with other bounty hunters, really only when forced to. The Razor Crest became his baby, his only possession and love besides his blasters and beskar. The thing was a piece of bantha shit, but he kept it in good shape.

Then came the kid. Din knew it was wrong. Bounties are to be turned in and paid for, then you forget the job happened. But when that little green thing stared up at Din, the big brown eyes seeming to stare through the dark black of his visor, he knew he couldn’t. This was a child, a baby with no family and no way to protect itself. He certainly couldn’t turn it over to the hands of the ex-Imperials.

Din experienced his first real attachment with the child. He cares for that little thing more than he’s ever cared about anything. He’d cross galaxies, kill and maim and injure for the sake of the little green baby.

Oh Maker, then he met you.

Din had never seen anything like you. You were playing with the kids in the marketplace, laughing as they ran and played around you, before you squealed in delight at the sight of a little green toddler wandering up to you. He’d climbed in your lap, looked up at you with those big eyes, massive ears twitching. You’d stroked his head and cooed to him before you looked up to find his father; subsequently, you felt your heart fall into your stomach at the sight of the Mandalorian man.

“You’re good with kids.”

Well no shit. You nodded. “Yes. I love them. Is this your son?” you ask, looking back down at the three green fingers wrapped around your thumb.

He nods. “He is a foundling under my care.” He watched as the baby grabbed at the golden armband encircling your bicep. You’re absolutely gorgeous. The armband glows against your skin, your beautiful body evident even through the loose and flowing clothing you wear. “Do you take care of these children as a job?”

You shook your head. “No. We don’t have jobs here, necessarily. They just wanted me to play.” You scanned the man, searching for skin. You found none. “Are you green under there too?”

The Mandalorian did not answer. “I’m looking for a caretaker for the child while I hunt bounties. You’d stay in my ship and care for him. I pay well and you’d get to travel the galaxy.”

“You barely know me,” you laughed, removing the little green baby’s fingers from their tight grip on the gold band on your arm.

He gave a half shrug. “He likes you.”

And you’d agreed. And it’s been almost a full cycle now, a cycle of living in the beat-up ship and caring for the little green baby. You’ve seen the most beautiful and the ugliest of planets, experienced extreme heat and extreme cold. You’ve been to beautiful cities, unique jungles and forests and ice planets.

In that time, you got to know the Mandalorian too. It took quite some time to crack his beskar shell. He hardly talked to you in the first month. Then your persistence had loosened him a little, then a little more, then just enough. You know more of him than any other living being does. He’s told you his name: Din Djarin, a name that flows and stops and radiates the power of the bounty hunter. He told you the story of his childhood, of hunts gone wrong and hunts gone right.

You love listening as he tells you and the child the story of the child’s rescue from the ex-Imperials. The baby snuggles against your lap as his father regales the two of you with the epic battles, the fights Din went through for this little child. You both applaud at the end, and put the baby to bed with a kiss between those big brown eyes.

He’s a wonderful man. You’ve formed an easy friendship with him, one that has honestly progressed on your end. At night, you find yourself fantasizing about what he looks like beneath his armor, how the muscles of his broad shoulders move when he climbs the ladder to the cockpit or lifts the child. You like to think he may feel the same for you, but you don’t push it. You don’t want to push him away.

Din has been away for far too long. He always highballs the dates he gives you, saying that an assignment will take three days when he knows it will only take two or a week when it will only be five days. This is a pattern you’ve come to notice; Din is alway back “early”, but now he is late. Really late.

Before he left, Din had opened your bunk compartment, causing you to groan at the light filtering in. You’ve been sleeping since the Crest made a rocky landing on Nevarro a few hours earlier. “Cyare,” he’d murmured, a rare ungloved hand warm on your bare arm, contact broken by your metal armband. You don’t know what the word means. You hope it’s something good.

“What is it?” You groaned, rolling onto your back to look at him. “Leaving?”

He nodded, the silhouette of his helmet-covered head against the soft light of the hull. “Leaving. I’ll be back in four days at the most.”

You offered him a sleepy smile, one that he could see in the warm glow of the lights you’d installed in the ship to navigate easier at night. “Good luck. May the Force be with you,” you teased, making the normally stoic man chuckle a little.

“Go back to sleep. I’ll see you soon.”

You didn’t protest, rolling over and letting the heaviness of sleep drag you back under.

Now, you really wish you’d have talked with him more then. You’re almost certain you’ll never see him again.

You’re not exactly sure what it was in your brain that triggered the thought. Maybe Din just actually took the amount of time he’d said for once, you thought on the fourth day. But now it’s been eight days, double the amount that he’d told you he’d be gone, and you’re stressed.

He always makes good on his word. He should be back by now. He always does. Did he get injured or killed, maybe captured by the bounty he was stalking? You ponder your ideas aloud as you pace back and forth in the hull of the Razor Crest, the little green baby tucked in his soundproof pram to sleep.

There’s likely a rational explanation. You’re sure there is. Maybe the bounty jumped ship, completely threw Din off of his tracks. Maybe the bounty is more clever than anticipated and Din is working extra just to find them. There’s surely a reason, but a little nagging voice in your head says that something is wrong.

In the first few days following Din’s date to return, your primary worry is that he’s hurt or dead somewhere on this barren planet. There are many other bounty hunters here, in this haven for Guild workers. What if one of them discovered Din still has the baby? What if they were coming for you here next?

Maybe you should go look for him. Maybe he’s injured and needs your help. He could be held by another hunter, or by the ex-Imperials- you can’t even bear to think of them harming Din for taking their precious cargo back. The thought makes you squeeze the little green baby tighter to your chest, even after he gives a whine of annoyance at the pressure.

But Din would never forgive you if you put yourself in harm’s way for him. This planet is dangerous, full of bad people who will do what it takes to get their credits. Most importantly, you can’t leave this ship with the kid. Certainly people here are looking for him. Someone would spot him and you’d be in for disaster. The anxiety fills your days and even seeps into your dreams, making you sleep less and more fitfully. On the eighth day, perhaps the most terrifying idea strikes you: what if Din just... left you?

Of course, there are plenty of signs why he hasn’t. The ship is one of his rare material possessions. He’d never give up the machine that’s been a home to him for the last however many years. Weapons are part of his religion, and he only took a sparse amount with him for this hunt. His prized pulse rifle still hangs in his armory, with an abundance of whistling birds he didn’t take either.

Most importantly, you’re still here with the kid. The baby is practically Din’s son. He adores him… but what if it’s all too much? You’ve become like a little family. That may be too domestic for him. Maybe he’s sick of the responsibility, of caring for two beings when so much of his life has been solitary. Even worse, maybe he’s just sick of you.

There are plenty of rational explanations. You know it. The baby can sense your anxiety, can feel the tension running through the air surrounding you, and he feels it too. He’s fussy, requiring more snacks and more attention. He tugs far too much on your armband and it pinches now, his little claws getting too long. You don’t mind- it’s a distraction, really- but your mind is never fully on feeding the baby, rather hyper analyzing Din’s mind as you know it and hoping he’ll return.

The hours pass. Din doesn’t return. You become more and more certain that he’s abandoned you for good. He isn’t coming back, ever, because he hates you. He was nice to you as a courtesy, nothing more, only as a protector of his child. This type of family is too much for the lone-wolf style man. He can’t do it anymore. You’re on your own.

In your head, the thought of him abandoning you is too much. It weighs heavily on your self-esteem, convincing you that this is all your fault and you’ve done too much, or not enough, or something wrong in general that sent Din packing and gone. He did it because you’re annoying, because he’s sick of you.

Rational thoughts are pushed to the furthest corner of your mind. Your brain is occupied by self hatred, by terror, by a sickening buzzing feeling in your head and chest that feels like a parasite eating you from the inside out.

It’s too much. You fall to the floor, sliding your back down the metal wall. Your rear contacts the floor as the tears fall from your face, your emotions drowning out your senses. You can’t use any of your senses, just think and process the agony your brain is putting you through.

Burying your face in your hands, you finally allow the tears you’ve been holding in all week to flow. It’s a relief, the hot tears streaming down your equally hot face, blood rushing to the surface. The anxiety buzzing in your head has reached a breaking point; you’re sure the tension is boiling your brains, making it bubble and roil as the thoughts pull you down and down so far you feel you’ve fallen through the floor of the Crest and into the dry Nevarro dirt.

You nearly wail, wheezing in air only to expel it in harsh sobs as the fear wraps your body and constricts it. You’re enveloped by it, trapped in a coffin mixed with a tornado mixed with a firestorm and a hurricane.

Then it all stops. The heat is broken by something cold- beskar. You force your eyes to see and they finally perceive that Din is in front of you. Then you feel again, feel the chilled metal all over your skin as he wraps his arms around you. You smell him, his faded soap from whenever he bathed last, his sweat and the smell of the Nevarro dust. You can taste your salty tears. The last sense to come back puts you most at ease: his voice. “Talk to me, please,” Din asks of you.

You nod and try to speak, but you’re still gasping for air, your lungs unable to fill. When you slow down and make yourself breathe, you’re finally able to manage words. “Thought you were gone forever. Thought you left because of me.”

The beskar helmet tilts to the side, taking you in. You’re sure you’re a mess; eyes bloodshot, face tearstained, snot probably all over you as well. Din’s quiet for a moment. “Why would you think that?”

“You said four days. You always come back early, but you were gone for eight days.”

His chest rises and falls slowly beneath the beskar plate. “I know. I’m sorry. But why would you think I’d leave you?”

The tears return. “I don’t know, Din, I-”

“No, shh,” Din murmurs and wipes your face. “No more tears. I’m here.”

Din stands and takes you with him, his arms wrapped tight around your body to bring you to your feet. He walks you to the edge of the bunk and hands you a canteen of water to drink. You look at him and he looks back. There’s a silence and an unspoken battle between the two of you over who will break it.

Din breaks first. “I got the bounty easily. I was late because of… something else.”

Your face falls into a frown. “You took double the amount of time and didn’t tell me? Whatever this ‘something else’ is, it better be worth it.”

Din breathes in and out deeply before producing a soft fabric bag. “I didn’t leave you. I’m back. And… I got you something to show that I’ll never leave you.”

From the bag, his leather-covered hand produces something silver. Your eyes, blurry with tears, take a moment to perceive it: an armband of some silver material- oh, it’s beskar. It’s cold to the touch but you take it from him to admire it and find it is emblazoned with an insignia: a mudhorn. “The symbol of Clan Djarin,” he says gently, though he’s sure you know. It’s on his pauldron. It’s on the baby’s necklace. “We… are a family, aren’t we?”

You don’t respond; rather, you throw your arms around his neck and the tears return, but happily. “We are,” you whimper, your throat constricted by a sob. You cry into his neck, staining the fabric of his cowl and cape with your tears.

He understands they’re good tears, and so he lets them flow. His arms wrap around you and rest on your back, gently rubbing it as you cry into him. As the sobs calm, the tears end, you remain in his arms. Din holds you tight against his chest. “I’ve never made a better decision than hiring you. It was supposed to just be a babysitting job, but… I fell in love.”

Your heart stops and you pull back. “You’re in love? With me?”

Din nods. “I… yes. I am.”

A smile crosses your face, the joy emphasized by how wide your smile is in the presence of your tears. “I love you too,” you manage before your throat squeezes off your words, making you cry happily and hug him yet again.

With your face buried in his neck, you nuzzle your face in and are rewarded with a soft patch of stubbled skin beneath the tip of your nose. You can feel his throat vibrate when he speaks again. “We are a clan of three now. I promise you, I will never leave you. Don’t even entertain the thought again. Understand?”

You nod, not wanting to move your face and lose contact with this intimate spot of him, the first humanness you’ve been able to get beneath the beskar. You kiss the skin there softly. Din knows it’s your answer: understood. I love you.

-

taglist:

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @blo0dangel @binarydanvvers  @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal @randomness501 @spideysimpossiblegirl @notabotiswear @pedro-pastel @sanchosammy @lv7867 @greeneyedblondie44 @hunnambabe @astoryisaloveaffair @emesispo @pedritobalmando @magikfanatic @a-court-of-feysand-and-elorcan @princess76179 @starless-eyes-remain @tacticalsparkles

[robinofgothamcity]

♡ prompt: your relationship with Damian isn’t what is seems like.

♡ pairing: damian wayne (robin), bart allen (impulse) x fem reader

♡ lyric inspiration: “it’s just a little too late, you say you dream about me but you don’t like me, you just like the chase so be real, it doesn’t matter anyway.”

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes 

you were blasting music into your headphones as you were trying to finish everything you needed to get done for the week. graduation was coming in just a few weeks and you had been neck deep in homework with essays and exams coming in from left and right. 

you had even been putting off even hanging out or going on dates with Damian because your lack of time. he kept telling you that it was okay but in the back of your head, you felt wrong for denying him every time he asked you out. 

Jon and Billy had been in the lair’s living room, lazying around until Nightwing or even Batman came in to give all of you times and coordinates for your patrolling tonight. you hadn’t even been hearing their conversation since your music was drowning out their conversations. 

when you realized that your coffee had ran out and everything that you needed in order to make a new cup was in the kitchen, you took off your headphones and grabbed your cup, walking slowly to living room. 

“where’s Damian?” Billy asked, kicking his shoes off, “oh, he’s training. ever since graduation for Gotham Academy came closer, ( your name ) has been putting him off to study so he’s been training to kill time.” 

your eyebrows fluttered in confusion, not knowing if what Jon was saying was rude or not. “I have to give Damian props though,” Jon continued, “he’s been with her for two months now! we even had a small bet going to see how long he would be able to date her and he’s clearly won since he’s been with her longer than the month we bet on. even a few of the titans had placed bets that it wouldn’t last as long as it did. Raven put in a measly two weeks,” Jon laughed. 

your eyes stared down at the ground, completely watery and stinging, “hey, that just shows Damian can commit to things that aren’t training although it’s like you said, it’s surprising they’re even together if she keeps putting him off,” Billy added on. 

not realizing that your cup had slipped your grasp, the metal collided with the ground, making Jon and Billy turn around. they could see the hurt in your eyes as you remained frozen in place. 

“hey ( your name ),” Jon murmured, “did you hear what we were talking about?” Billy asked, afraid at the answer. 

your eyes turned into rage as you picked up your cup off the floor, “tell Damian that since our month is over, we’re done,” Jon immediately sprang up, “hey! please, don’t say that! you’re completely not understanding what we’re saying!” Jon said frantically. 

Damian walked out of the solo training room, seeing Jon and Billy’s expressions as the tears ran down your face, “what’s going on?” Damian asked. you laughed, not wanting to even look at him, “great! you’re here! since our relationship was based on a bet that you had money on that would only last a month, you can count it as we’re over now!” you exclaimed.

you slammed your laptop and grabbed your backpack as Damian ran towards you. in a fit of complete rage, you turned around and punched him square in the stomach, making him fall onto Jon. 

“go fuck yourself! as a matter of fact, you can find another member for the Titans! I quit!” you screamed, slamming your mask down onto the table and leaving the lair, “wait! please, this isn’t how you think it went down, please!” Damian begged. 

you gave him the finger, “I hope you, right along with Jon and Billy, enjoy sitting on the shame that is playing with people’s emotions,” you said as Nightwing walked into the hallway, clearly lost on what was happening, “the next time you, Jon, Billy, hell! even the Titan’s decide to play with people’s emotion for the sake of getting money, make sure it’s someone who’s not on the same team as you,” you whispered. 

“don’t leave, please don’t leave. Nightwing, stop her!” Damian said in panic as you got onto your bike, “Nightwing, since the Titan’s are now down a member, you can tell whoever was fighting a place that my spot is now vacant,” you managed to say before revving your bike and riding onto the street. 

“what is going on?” Nightwing asked the three. he had never saw Damian so hurt, meanwhile Billy and Jon were left speechless, “my girlfriend just broke up with me!” Damian murmured, a feeling in his heart that he had never felt before, “she overheard a conversation Billy and I were having but I think she only heard a piece of it,” Jon tried to rationalize. 

Damian looked at the two, pure rage coming over his body, “it’s both your fault?” he screamed, charging them with his sword. Nightwing quickly grabbed his brother, taking the sword away from his grasp, “she only heard some of the conversation! we never meant for her to actually get upset.” 

Nightwing stood in between the three, “listen, whatever happened, all of you need to apologize. now, I can’t promise that she’ll rejoin the team,” he warned Damian, “if she decides to come back, that’ll be her decision....AND HER DECISION only,” Nightwing said, “but if she decides not too, I can’t force her to overturn her decision,” he added on, “no matter who you’re related too.”

Damian knew he was hinting at Bruce when he added in the last part. there was no way any of them could actually convince you to come back if you didn’t want too. they could try and persuade you but it was ultimately your decision if you wanted to rejoin the team. 

+

once you got back home, you felt as though your heart hadn’t completely accepted what happened. a part of you felt like it was some sort of sick joke and you needed to wake up from it. 

alas, it wasn’t and you knew that what Damian and you had was something that wasn’t going to happen again. it stung knowing that Jon, the one who seemed so innocent all the time, was actually in on the joke and was sitting there and laughing at you. 

you hadn’t known Billy for that long. the two of you became acquainted not long after you got with Damian and while you thought of him as a friend, it still hurt that he too was in on the joke. 

your mom was working late as she was helping Gotham Academy with situating for graduation planning. your mom didn’t know about you and Damian thankfully so even though you were completely heartbroken, it’s not like she knew about what you were going through. 

you flopped onto your bed, trying to control your breathing when the doorbell rang. tiptoeing to the front door, hoping it wasn’t any of the three idiots, you were stricken with relief when you saw that it was Bart of all people.

“hey Allen, what are you up too? wait a minute, what you doing here in Gotham?” you asked, welcoming him inside. Bart chuckled softly, “I’m here for some stuff on the behalf of my family. don’t worry about it,” he murmured, “I went to the lair looking for you and you were gone.” 

you hummed, not knowing if you were willing to tell him the actual story of why you weren’t there, “you okay? you look like you were crying!” he exclaimed, seeing the puffyness under your eye and the redness around it. you sighed shakily, “truthfully? I’m not but it’s nothing to worry about,” you tried to say calmly. 

Bart gave you a look, not fully convinced, “seriously? I can’t talk to you about the real reason on why I’m here if you’re upset. tell me!” he restated, looking at you dead in the eye. you dragged him inside, not wanting anyone to heart, especially if Damian was on his bullshit and spying on you.

you got Bart up to your room, locking the door and leaning up against the door. your back against it as you tried to contain your tears and running your hands through your hair, “I broke up with my boyfriend recently and I’ve been having a lot of issues with it since I found out,” you finally confessed. 

Bart’s eyes twitched in annoyance, “you were dating someone?” he asked, a bit hurt that the girl he had been crushing on not only had a boyfriend but you were now heartbroken over it. you nodded, “not that my identity was ever a secret but I was dating Robin,” your eye twitched this time, annoyed at mentioning Damian.

Bart stood in disbelief, not believing that Robin, the one everyone thought was perfect, had broken up with you. a part of him wanted to strangle the boy but he knew that Robin was a lot more stronger than he was.

“if you don’t mind me asking, can I ask what happened?” Bart played with his fingers nervously. you stared at the ground, scared if you looked at Bart, you would bawl your eyes out, “he started dating me as a joke. he had made a bet with a few other sidekicks about being able to date me for a month and the longer he dated me, the more money he made,” your tears fell almost immediately at the confession. 

Bart’s anger immediately rose as he tried to not say anything irrational, “are you kidding?” he asked. you shook your head no, not knowing what to say, “can I kick his ass?” he asked again, making you laugh for the first time in a while. 

“sorry Allen but you know I won’t let you...especially because you and I both know how that would end,” you giggled, making Bart agree. you sat down on the bed next to him, “now why are you here? although I think I might know why,” you murmured. 

The Flash family, especially Bart and Barry had taken an interest in you when you first joined the Titans. your powers had given you the ability to be as fast as the Flashes were. you weren’t exactly as speedy as Flash but your powers did let you have competition with Bart’s speed. 

“you know Central city has been calling your name,” Bart whispered, looking at you. “you know you’d have a position with us and you wouldn’t be around Robin if you weren’t comfortable being around him,” Bart added in the last part. 

you bit your lip, “come on, you know better than anyone that Gotham has nothing for you,” he tried to rationalize, “yeah, you have potential with the Bats but you know that joining us would make you an even bigger hero than you are here,” he said. 

“Bart, is this really the reason why you want me to join all of you?” you asked. Bart nodded, hoping that you were actually considering it, “of course! you can join us out for patrol tonight and if you like it, you can join us over in Central City when you graduate,” he exclaimed. 

“tonight? with who?” you asked. Bart pointed to himself with confidence, “with the one and only, Bart Allen!” he boasted. you laughed, “just tonight and if I don’t like it, I get to stay here!” you said, pointing your finger at his chest. 

“SERIOUSLY?” he asked surprised. you nodded as you saw the time, “sure but remember what I said!” you yelled as he ran around your room in excitement. 

the time you had ever went to Central City was when you went with Damian and Bruce on the behalf of Bat business so the feeling that you were now no longer going there with them felt a bit out of place. you looked at the time as Bart had told you that it wouldn’t take to long to get there with both your speeds. 

you grabbed you uniform out of your closet and looked at the time, sensing that both you and Bart should get to Central City before both of your patrol times started. you could see the excitement coming from Bart as he was basically talking your ear off the entire way back to Central City. 

-

through the following few days, you had actively ignored Jon, Damian, and Billy. it was harder for you to ignore Jon and Damian as they had known your home address but every time Raven had informed you on one of the boys coming and paying you a visit, Bart always seemed to come over and get you out of the house before they could. 

this time was no different but today, you couldn’t ignore Damian even if you wanted too. today was Gotham’s graduation and with both you and Damian graduating at the top of the class, you both had to sat on the stage, right next to each other. 

you had worn a plain neutral yellow dress with black shoes as you tried to follow Gotham’s school colors. the actual cap and gowns were not as cute as they had the tacky yellow cap and gown with black lining that made all of you look like bee’s. 

up until this moment, you still hadn’t decided on what your plans were for after graduation. you had a bunch of unanswered acceptance letters from different University’s around the U.S. and one of them was from Central City State University. 

they had personally reached out to you in order to attend their school. you had been thinking about actually accepting their letter for a while now and with Bart now offering to be your partner, you didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. you hadn’t told anyone besides your mother about the move to Central City and while she was upset to see you leave, she knew it was best to let you finally be on your own. 

you had gotten to Gotham Academy, a bit early and tired as you had stayed up late with being on Face Time with Bart. the two of you had gotten closer over the course of the last few weeks and while you were still extremely heartbroken over Damian’s actions, a part of your heart was starting to fix itself with Bart now mending that piece. 

you, on a very sporadic thought, had invited Bart and Barry to your graduation as you didn’t want to run into the chance of actually having to be alone with Damian. you wanted to make sure that you were either around your mom or Bart when everything was finished. 

the stage had been set by the time you got to the Auditorium as you had saw your mom along with Bart and Barry in the front. since you were moving to Central City, partially for college and partially to continue doing hero work there, your mom had to introduce and get familiar with the family that was soon taking you in. 

everyone knew that everyone who were connected to the Flash family had this flamboyant personality to them so when Barry and Bart introduced themselves to your mom, she was quite taken back. nevertheless, she did end up getting along well with them and felt safe with you moving there. 

Damian had saw you sitting in the chair, on your phone as everyone sat in their seats. what he hadn’t realized was that Bart and Barry were right next to your mom. he had heard about your endeavors with going over to Central City to ‘intern’ with the Flash family and while he didn’t want to believe it, a part of him felt as though that might’ve been actually true now. 

Damian looked at you with guilt crossing his face. you hadn’t been face to face with him since that fateful night and although it took every ounce of power to not scream at him, for the sake of his identity and the fact that all of you had to be professional, you gave him the side eye and turned to your headmaster who was approaching the stand. 

Gotham Academy’s graduation had felt like centuries before it finally came to your turn to speak on the behalf of your class. you smiled at the crowd, waving at your family and the Allen’s before looking down at your paper. you gulped in nervousness as you began your speech. 

“and although I have been keeping my college acceptance a secret, within the last few weeks, I’ve had the privilege of being scouted by a few schools and finally came down to the decision last week on which university I would attend. it is my honor and with grace to finally announce that I will be attending Central City State University in the fall! go Falcons!” you told the crowd as you opened up your gown to show off the school sweater. 

you saw Bart’s face light up with excitement as he realized that you had accepted the Flash’s invitation to work with them. Damian had also realized that the rumors surrounding you actually leaving the Titan’s to work with the Flash was actually true and he felt his heart break realizing that you were no longer a part of his life. 

you sat back down in your seat with a smirk playing on your face as you could basically feel Damian’s stare coming down on you. it wasn’t until after graduation when all of you got the chance to join your families again when you saw Bart and everyone else. 

“are you really joining us in Central City?” he asked excitedly. you nodded, giving Bart a hug. the hug didn’t feel friendly. not in the slightest. it felt almost romantic as the two of you remained in an embrace longer than you had realized, “than I’m so glad our plan actually worked out!” Barry said in relief. 

your eyebrows fluttered in confusion but he told you it was a surprise that you wouldn’t see until you got to Central City tonight. you nodded as all you had decided to take pictures before heading to eat. you had noticed Damian approaching you, a determined stare on his face but Bart quickly realized it and grabbed you by the wrist, making you join Barry and your mom again. 

the night finally entered as you had made your way to Central City in order to get settled into your new apartment by signing the final papers over to the apartment. Barry and Bart had offered to show you around your new home, as if you hadn’t already recognized Central City already but nevertheless, you complied and let them show you. 

you got into the core of the city, the lights twinkling and the noises of cars making you feel as though you were in a movie. Bart had covered your eyes with his hands as he told you your secret was coming up. a nervous feeling crept up to your stomach as you had no idea what was going on. 

finally, all of you stopped and that was when Bart took his hands off your eyes. you stared at the large billboard that was high up in the sky as you felt tears spring your eyes. 

“welcoming Central City’s newest superhero.” 

the billboard read as it had a picture of you right next to the lettering. you looked to Barry and Bart before engulfing them into a hug as you thanked them profusely. Barry shrugged you off, “we should be thanking you. you’re going to help us so much! it’s the least we could do,” he said as Bart agreed. 

Barry had mentioned that all of you were going to catch dinner at a restaurant and your reservation should be coming up soon. he had gotten the head start, whispering to Bart that he’d leave the two of you alone for a moment. 

“seriously, thank you so much Bart,” you whispered, giving him another hug. he chuckled nervously, trying to wave you off, “you have no idea how much this means to me,” you added on. 

you looked to Bart and got on your toes, hoping that your next action wasn’t a mistake. you gave him a quick peck on the cheek, making Bart go red in the face. it hadn’t fully set in that you kissed him until he realized that he hadn’t said anything back yet. 

Bart grabbed your hand, giving it a soft kiss before doing the same to your cheek. you smiled at him shyly, grabbing his hand before telling him that you were going to be late for the reservation with Barry. 

-

months had passed since you had started your new life in Central City. you hadn’t spared anyone in Gotham a second thought unless you were visiting your mom so you hadn’t contacted Damian or any of the Titan’s since then. 

however, you had to go with Bart to the Titan’s tower today. you had to meet up with Nightwing there to get information Barry needed for a case. you were hoping that you didn’t run into any of the idiots while you were there with Bart but luck was not on your side that day and upon reaching the Titan’s tower, you were met with not only Damian but with Jon and Billy. 

“where’s Nightwing?” you asked them. Jon gave you a sheepish smile, “he’ll be here soon,” he responded. you nodded, grabbing Bart’s hand and heading to the couch to say hello to Raven and Beast Boy. 

the four of you got into conversation until Damian walked in, basically dragging you into the kitchen as Bart immediately stood up, running to where you were. 

“what the fuck is your issue?” you yelled, snatching your hand back. Bart knew you could hold your own but he still wanted to make sure you were okay, “we need to talk,” he stated, looking to Bart. you laughed, “yeah, whatever you have to say you can say right now. I refuse to talk to you alone,” you said back. 

Damian growled as Jon and Billy stood up, “that night when everything went down, we want to say that it was all a mistake. you had only heard a portion of what we were saying. we never intentionally made a bet on the two of you. we had made a bet that was basically us telling Da-Robin that he couldn’t do anything besides train and fight. Robin had actual feelings for you and the bet was never intentionally set on you. we swear,” Jon explained. 

you looked to Damian and Billy as they both agreed. you rolled your eyes annoyed, “you think I’d actually believe that?” you looked to Bart and laughed before taking his hand, “the next time you actually want to make up lies, make sure they’re actually fucking believable!” you exclaimed laughing. 

Bart laughed along with you, “you think we’re lying?” Damian yelled, “yeah because why should I ever believe what any of you three have to say. all of you are a bunch of pricks that are so far up your own asses that no one with an actual working brain would believe that lie.” 

Bart’s mouth, along with everyone else, hung in disbelief and surprise. “seriously, the next time we see each other, make up a better lie and for the record, working with and in Central City has been actually been so refreshing! no offense,” you said looking over to the rest of the Titan’s, “especially since he’s been making it a lot easier,” you gave Bart a wink as he blushed slightly. 

“so unless we actually have to speak to each other on professional terms, don’t bank on me ever contacting any of you again.” 

you grabbed Bart’s hand as Nightwing had walked into the tower and the three of you walked into a solo conference room to actually do what Barry had sent you two for. 

[ceilingfan5]

hi bestie have you thought any more about superhero lads? i thirst for more

i honestly don't know if i ever posted this? ive just spent 10 minutes searching different things on my blog, but we all know how good tumblr's search feature is. so if this is a rerun. enjoy it again.

yes i have been thinking deeply of my villain boys but i want to make it a Proper Fic and it would be Long and Multichaptered and Horny. is there still a market for this? i have many thoughts.

Taako wakes up disoriented, mask still on his face, and panics for a second--has he finally gotten his dumb ass caught??--before he realizes where he is. He’s at the safehouse with his Reaper, their limbs still tangled. His skin is bizarrely cool against Taako’s overheated body, and it’s grounding, in a funny way that isn’t funny at all. It’s a mess he’s gotten himself into, and deep, and there’s no sight of the sun anymore. All he has is Kravitz.

The weird feelings from last night come back in full force, and following that nauseating journey, thunder cracks again overhead, loud and nasty and world-rending, and Taako’s heart stops. He registers, belatedly, the hammering of torrential rain on this shitty little house’s shitty little roof, the storm sounding so much closer than it would if Taako was home in his apartment. If he was home, he’d turn his music up real loud (fuck the neighbors) and hide in the bathtub until the stupid thing was over.

But he’s here.

And so is his Reaper.

Kravitz stirs in a strange way at the noise and Taako’s movement, going from full unconsciousness to eyes wide open, hand reaching for a weapon, and it makes Taako feel some type of way knowing that he, too, has had to become a light sleeper to keep his stupid ass alive in dangerous situations. The more he realizes they have in common, the sicker he feels. He’s inventing a new fucking disease. Name it after him. Should it be Flux, or Taako? Does he want to be unmasked after death? Who fucking cares about his secret identity? There’s one person on the planet, and he’s got Taako in his arms already.

Fuck, he’s molten-core-of-the-planet deep in this mess.

“Flux,” Kravitz whispers, voice rough and sexy, for sleep reasons and also last night reasons. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, my man, nothing.” Maybe if he lies it’ll come true? Ah, nope, that’s not his super power, even if it is close. “Just a storm. You can keep snoozing.”

“Your heart rate is up.”

“Fuck you.”

Kravitz raises an eyebrow, which is a little hard to tell with his mask still on too (it’s not comfortable in a physical way, but it’s been easier to slowly let this become something entirely new when they don’t have to look at each other’s full bare naked faces), but Taako’s got practice reading him now, and he flushes hard at the implication there.

“It’s just a storm! It’s nothing! It- It’s nothing. I could leave if I wanted to. It’s fine.”

“Right.” Kravitz still looks skeptical, but he lets the shadows slip back from the shape of the weapon he’d been forming. Can’t sword a tornado. Even if you’re a relentless badass with a bod that won’t quit and a mouth like a fallen angel discovering Hell 2. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” Taako fully sits up now, folding his arms and turning away, even though he wants to be back in those strong arms. Thunder claps again, and he jumps, damn it. Usually he can mask this better. Becoming vulnerable with his nemesis has made him soft and weak and...far too happy to last. “Don’t you say a fucking word, Reaper.”

Kravitz nods, and yawns, and sits up too. He pulls Taako closer with those terrible, strong, evil, incredible hands of his, and Taako glares, but accepts the embrace, because at least it didn’t come with some bullshit take on his weakenesses and the childishness of his fears and stupid reassurances he doesn’t need because he knows it’s fucking irrational, damn it, but every time, every single time that thunder bowls the primordial soup, it rattles Taako’s bones like a cartoon in a Halloween candy commercial.

Kravitz smells good. Taako doesn’t know how he’s let that smell become so familiar and comforting, but it is, and he accepts it for now, because it’s keeping him from completely shivering himself apart like a neurotic purse dog.

And Kravitz doesn’t say anything, because he knows when to be a brat and when to be serious, and maybe he’s not so good at being a civilian yet, and for sure, he’s no hero, but two villains like them almost sort of deserve each other, if you think about it. Taako sure won’t, but he can’t stop anybody else from doing it. He doesn’t know what he’s thinking, or if he’s even thinking at all. But something deep within him, something stupid and delicate and vulnerable and small, that something feels those arms around him and thinks safe.

He’s not a bathtub, but he’ll do.

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

What We See - Part 2

Summary: Marc and Steven have returned to their flat in London shortly after everything in Cairo. But there's just something Steven can't get out of his head. What really happened when they both blacked out?

Steven and Marc discuss the possibility of a third. How can they cope with being three when they still need to learn to be two? 

Warnings: I don't know. You watched the show. All of that.

Pairing: None. Word count: 1290

Part one here. 

PART TWO. Marc has anxiety. 

Part three now up here. 

------------- 

Marc stared down into the cereal bowl. It was a far cry from how he was used to living. He still had a storage container with rations and cans of beans if he felt desperate. 

Was this his life now? Was he expected to live like Steven? He felt a twinge of guilt and panic deep down. It was irrational, he knew, but old anxieties were hard to ignore. 

“You don’t have to eat it if you don’t like it.” Steven honestly sounded concerned. “It’s just cereal, Marc.” 

Marc shoved a spoon full in his mouth. “I like cereal.” It wasn’t horrible but it certainly wasn’t good. He chewed slowly. Even the milk was…interesting. What was it? Soy? Oat? 

“You aren’t vegan.” Steven sighed. “I’m not going to force you to be vegan. We can figure out meal times. Maybe I can take breakfast except for weekends? And then we can figure out lunch and dinners.” 

“It’s fine. I like this. It’s great.” Marc shoved another spoonful in his mouth. 

“You just gagged. Marc give me the bowl.” Steven offered gently. 

Marc clutched at the spoon tightly. He was letting Steven down. They had to be a unit. What was the word Steven had used the other day? Be a system. A fully functioning system. They had to share and he would have to make Steven happy- “I got this Steven!” 

“Marc you can have dinner! I’ll look the other way. Give me the bowl.” The spoon shot out to the side. 

“Steven it’s fine! I don’t need… Let go of the spoon!” Marc drove the spoon back down into the bowl. “It’s delicious. I don’t need bacon and eggs. Didn’t exactly have that out in the desert you know!” 

“Marc why are you being so stubborn about this! I’ll give you a shelf in the fridge! Steak Tuesdays or something!” The whole bowl jerked. “Marc it’s going to-” 

Marc watched the bowl fly out of his hand and crash to the floor. 

Steven fell silent as they both stared at the bowl. There was a disconnect that Marc had never felt before. Floating between control and stepping back. Neither of them was pushing for the front. They both took a step back and waited for the other to make a move. 

“Oh  bollocks.” Steven stood up. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll clean it up.” Marc took a step forward. 

“You don’t know where the cleaning stuff is.” Steven turned them towards the kitchen. 

“Just tell me and I’ll get it. It’s my fault.” Marc moved to grab the paper towels. 

“Marc please let me do it!” The paper towel roll fell from the holder and rolled across the kitchen, unraveling as it went. 

“Steven just stop!” 

“You stop!” 

They stood still, watching the paper towels roll into the mess of cereal and fake milk. 

Silence again as they watched the whole of the roll slowly soak up the mess and somehow make a bigger one at the same time. 

“I think we need to figure a few things out.” Steven put their face in his hands and fought back the urge to argue. 

Marc fought back the urge to fall into old habits and just take control. They were supposed to be whole, right? Fluid. One hand washing the other. Why was this so hard? Why was everything he did so difficult? 

It wasn’t like when they fought together. Working towards one goal, watching one another’s back. That was easy. That was something Marc could understand. This was living. Living.Wanting to live. 

Marc felt the panic. It was supposed to be easier. This was just spilled milk. Why did it suddenly feel like he was fighting for his life? 

“Marc?” Steven’s voice was calm and soothing. “Marc I think you’re having a panic attack. Let’s go sit down, okay? Work this out.” 

“I got this, Steven. I-” He spun around and saw the note Steven had left on the door. Sharp black marker had been used to scratch a single word across it. 

“NO.”

Three. There were three of them. Three sharing a body. Sharing a life. Sharing control. He didn’t even know this third. 

How long had they been watching him? How long had he been losing more than the good parts he gave to Steven? Was this person everything he feared? No. Just no. It was too much. He closed his eyes. 

-

Steven suddenly found himself fronting. “Lovely.” He turned back to the mess. One problem at a time, right? “First things first.” 

He set to work cleaning up. “You know, I’ve been here before.” He reasoned out loud. “Afraid I was losing my mind. Losing myself. Struggling to talk to someone that didn’t really want to listen to reason.” 

He didn’t know if he was talking to Marc or if the mystery other was even listening. He paused, to look around. Usually he could sense if Marc was there, but Marc was quiet. 

“He’s new to this, I guess.” Steven continued on. “Maybe this all scared him once long ago. I mean, I know when I came about now, don’t I? Got to see it back in the Duat. Kinda weird watching yourself become a self. Maybe little Marc was freaked out by it? I was pretty buggered when I found the little American stranger inside me.” 

He sat back on his haunches and sighed then moved to toss the mess into the trash. “Point I’m making is that it’s been a long time since he’s had to deal with all this new person discovery thing. But not for me. I mean it has been just a month or so, right? Feel like I’m a pro at it now. Discovering new things. New people. I mean if there was more, like twenty or more, I might consider we go see a doctor. A real doctor.” 

He hesitated at that. Marc might not be so willing to go. There might be a fight if they started talking about doctors. Steven sensed a deep trauma in that area. The Duat had not helped with that, but there was something real that had been lurking just under the surface of that whole experience. Something that had left Marc terrified and Steven afraid to ask. Not when their relationship was still so fresh and fragile. 

Steven moved to stand before a mirror and looked himself square in the eye. “Point I’m making is that if it’s just you hiding in there, mystery man, I think I can deal with that. Maybe you don’t want to deal with us, but we’re in this all together, you hear? I’m not about to let all this crumble away again.” 

Maybe the other was shy. He could be afraid to face them. What if it was a she? That would be odd. Would he have to figure out skirts and makeup? He was bad enough with a comb, but he’d be willing to try… 

He turned back to the note on the door. They didn’t seem shy. They felt obstinate. Or maybe just used to hiding. Hiding from Marc. Did they even know about Steven? Had Steven been a surprise to them? 

Steven took down the note and grabbed a new piece of paper. “Alright. We’ll do this the hard way. I found Marc, didn’t I? I will find you.” 

He wrote clearly and taped it up. “Hi! I’m Steven. What’s your name?” 

Steven brushed himself off and looked around his flat slowly. It was all just a big puzzle, wasn’t it? Marc had been clever, but he had left clues. Marks on the floor, a hidden storage unit… This person lived here too. He just had to find something that wasn’t him and wasn’t Marc. 

[gubler-me-up]

The Cure

Request: Not sure if you are taking requests but I’d love to see a one shot of that scene where Reid is getting washed down bc of anthrax and he asks the reader “I’m about to get naked, do you really wanna see that?” And the reader is like yeah and leads to some sexy times later lmaooo

A/N: Thank you for the request, anon! While I was writing this I was like how do I turn this moment into something sexy??? but I think I figured it out so I hope it makes for a good smutty read!! Enjoy!

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!reader

Category: Smut

Content warning: Unprotected sex, penetrative sex, fingering, creampie, swearing, mentions of anthrax

Word count: 2.7k

————-

“Go help Hotch,” Spencer insisted.

“Hotch has plenty of people helping him,” you assured.

The biohazard team was hosing him down with water to eliminate any traces of anthrax possibly lingering on his body. You felt bad you had let him wander off by himself even though he continuously insisted it was his fault. You wanted to stay by his side until he was taken to the hospital. You wanted to make sure he was okay throughout the whole process.

“He needs you more than I do,” he said.

You shook your head in protest. “Spence, I’m going to see you off to the hospital.”

“I’m about to get naked so they can scrub me down. Is that something you really wanna see?” He asked.

Without thinking you answered. “Yes.”

You quickly pressed your lips together as you realized what you had said. He looked at you in shock and you could feel the embarrassment tingling in your gut. The biohazard team looked on as if nothing had occurred but you could tell they heard you just by the brief looks they gave you. They seemed intrigued by what would be the next words to leave either of your mouths.

“Uh, maybe I will go see if Hotch needs help,” you said as you turned around.

“Y/N,” you heard him call.

You immediately turned around. You thought you turned around too eagerly because he looked thrown off by how quickly you switched your attention back to him. Or maybe he was still thrown off by your response to him. Either way you stood there waiting for him to say another word.

“I wa-”

“Dr. Reid, did you cut your hand?” Dr. Kimura asked.

Spencer looked at his left hand and you could see the instant look of panic wash over his face. You felt your heart drop as you saw how scared he looked and you were deeply scared for him. You both had thought he was in the clear for about an hour at that point which scared you even more. While they were hosing him down the anthrax had been going into his bloodstream.

He then let out a raspy cough. The panic started to come over you and you went right up to the glass that separated the both of you. He looked up at you and tried to tell you something but he was interrupted by a series of raspy coughs.

“He needs to get to the hospital now,” Dr. Kimura said.

“Spence, you’re going to be okay. Please tell him he’s going to be okay,” you begged.

“He’ll be okay once we get him to a hospital,” she reassured you.

She grabbed him by the arm and escorted him out of the room. The other biohazard team members rushed to the ambulance in the driveway. You ran out the door to meet them in the driveway. They took out the gurney and helped Spencer onto it.

You looked on in horror as he had trouble catching his breath. You didn’t even think your steps through as you walked towards the ambulance. As they put him in you were ready to climb in along with him. Dr. Kimura had to stop you immediately.

“Agent, you can’t be in the ambulance,” she said.

“But I have to make sure he’s okay,” you said.

“I know you do but I don’t want you to be put at risk. Meet us at the hospital to find out any further details about his health,” she said.

Before you could protest any further she hopped into the ambulance and closed the doors. You heard the sirens blare as they rushed out of the driveway towards the hospital. You ran towards the SUV and hopped into the driver’s side to get ready to follow them.

You took out your phone and called Hotch before you followed them. You impatiently waited for him to answer. You wanted to be by Spencer’s side as soon as possible so he had someone by his side to make sure he was okay. As soon as Hotch answered you frantically babbled everything you had to say to him.

“Hotch, Reid’s going to the hospital because the anthrax is probably in his bloodstream, so I’m going there right now to make sure he’s going to be okay,” you said.

“Y/L/N, how did that even happen? I thought they were going to hose him off,” he said.

“Hotch, I’ll fill you in later but I have to go. Bye,” you said and hung up on him.

You knew Hotch would call you out for your irrational need to panic but you didn’t care. You had to make sure Spencer had some sort of support. He had been through so much by himself and you couldn’t let him go through another downfall in his life alone. You put on your sirens and pulled out of the driveway before rushing to the hospital.

It had been an agonizing three hours of waiting for Spencer to wake up. Lucky for him he found the cure before he was rushed to the hospital. When he did wake up you made sure he was the first person he saw. It would have been you and Morgan but he went to go get an extra jello for Spencer for when he woke up. You and Morgan had eaten both of the jello’s in his room because you both got hungry as you waited for him to open his eyes.

You were over the moon when he had woken up. You couldn’t contain your excitement and went in for a hug immediately. You made sure it wasn’t too tight but close enough so he could feel the warmth you had to give to him. He wrapped his arms around you to hold you tight to him.

He couldn’t thank you enough for being by his side the whole three hours he was asleep. You assured him you would have waited longer if need be. The need did arise when Dr. Kimura informed him she wanted to keep him overnight to make sure he was fully stabilized. You told him you would stay with him as long as possible before the hospital had to send guests home for the night.

You were walking back to his hospital room with a paper bag full of fresh fries from the mom and pop diner from across the street. Spencer said he wished he had some fries to balance out his plain Jane hospital ham and cheese sandwich. You took it upon yourself to get it for him. It was the least you could do for him after everything he had been through in the day.

You knocked on his hospital room door before entering. He was reading a sports magazine Morgan had left behind in his room. From the look of confusion and dissatisfaction on his face you didn’t think he liked it very much. He looked up at you and instantly smiled as he tossed the magazine onto the side table.

“Hey, I got those fries you wanted,” you said.

“Aw, Y/N, you really didn’t have to,” he said.

“Spence, this isn’t the time for you to be overly considerate about my time or money. You almost died today,” you said as you closed the door behind you.

“That’s no excuse to splurge on me,” he said.

You chuckled as you rolled your eyes. “You’re impossible sometimes. If you don’t want them I’ll gladly eat them for you.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want them, I just said you didn’t have to but since they’re here I’ll eat them,” he said.

You laughed as you walked up to his hospital bed. You sat on the edge and handed over the bag. He smiled as he gladly took the bag from you.

“Thank you for everything, Y/N. I really appreciate you,” he said.

“No problem. Anytime,” you said.

“Can I ask you for one last favour?” He asked.

“Of course,” you said.

“Can you pull the curtains? I don’t feel comfortable with people watching me eat through the windows,” he said.

You got up and walked over to the big curtain to pull it across to block out anyone from looking in. The only light pouring in now was from the little gap of space at the top. You looked over at him with a smile but soon noticed he had put the bag of fries on the side table.

“Aren’t you hungry?” You asked.

“I’m actually curious about what you had said earlier,” he said.

You raised an eyebrow in question to what he meant but you already knew what he was asking about. You walked back over to him and sat on the edge of his hospital bed. You knew he could see through your disguise of playing dumb. You sighed and decided to come clean instead of trying to lie to a profiler.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing you naked. I know it was totally inappropriate and unprofessional and I’m sorry,” you rambled.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“Because I wanted you to stay,” he admitted.

It took a second for you to comprehend what he said. Your eyes widened as you took in his desire for you to be there as he got naked. You didn’t have any words to say to that. On the inside you were screaming at a high pitch that only dogs could hear but nothing left your mouth. You could see Spencer’s open expression soon fade into a worried one.

“Uh, sorry. Maybe you didn’t mean-”

You leaned in and kissed him briefly on the lips to prevent him from continuing his sentence. When you leaned up from him you could see a thrill spark in his eyes. You softly giggled as you felt adrenaline come over you.

“I think you’re really special, Spence and for months now I’ve had you on my mind,” you confessed.

“So have I. Eight months, twelve days and eight hours to be exact,” he said.

You chuckled. “I’m glad we’re on the same basis. If my profiler skills are on point you didn’t want me to close the blinds so you could eat.”

He smirked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You chuckled as you crawled onto the bed and swung your leg over him so you could straddle him. You leaned closer to him so you were right in front of his face. He couldn’t hide his true intentions from you now. He couldn’t help but laugh as you caught him red-handed.

“How about we stop talking and start doing?” You asked before planting a heavy kiss on him.

He latched his hands onto your hips. He lowered your body down so your pelvis could touch his. You could feel how hard he was through his hospital gown. You slowly grinded on his hard bulge to get him even harder. He moaned through the kiss and you loved hearing him being unable to even form a proper word to express how you made him feel.

He slid his hands down to the bottom of your skirt and moved his hands up to pull it up. He managed to slip his fingers underneath you and slowly stroked the cloth of your underwear. You started to moan yourself and you wanted more of what he was doing to you. You moved your underwear out of his way so he could get to stroke you properly.

He didn’t hesitate to run his fingers up and down your folds. He made sure not to forget to pay your clit a visit here and there. You moaned in pleasure as you let him feel you for the first time. You unbuttoned the first four buttons of your blouse because you were getting hot. Spencer had no problem with you revealing more of yourself to him. In fact he looked ecstatic to see you loosen up even more.

He then inserted two fingers into you. You nearly lost your mind as he pumped his fingers in and out of you. He looked you in your eyes as he did. He had a small smirk on his face in response to how you could barely contain yourself anymore. He leaned forward to trap you in another lengthy kiss. From your lips he kissed along the side of your face until he reached your ear.

“I’ve been waiting for a long time to know how you feel,” he whispered.

“I hope it’s everything you’ve ever desired,” you moaned.

“It’s more than I could ever desire,” he whispered.

His words alone could send you over the edge. You pulled back the sheets from under you and proceeded to lift his hospital gown. You gently took his fingers out of you as it was time for you to show him how good you could feel.

You grabbed his dick from underneath you to hold it in place. You gently slid down onto it and you both let out a moan in unison. You grabbed onto his shoulders for support as you gently rode him. You would go faster but you thought he had already been through a wild ride during the day.

The way he grabbed your hips to motion you to go faster indicated to you his heart could take it. You obliged and quickened your pace as you continued to let out countless moans. You looked in his eyes as you rode him and you could see how lost in lust he looked.

“How do I feel now?” You asked.

“Amazing,” he said.

You smiled and leaned down to kiss him again. You couldn’t get over how amazing his kisses were. You didn’t know if you liked his kisses more or his dick. He was definitely the whole package all around and you couldn’t get off the high he made you feel.

You continued to ride him for a few minutes and it was becoming harder and harder for both of you to contain your moans. You then felt him grab your hips to hold them still. You were confused until he started to buck his hips up into you. You accidentally moaned louder than expected so he hushed you as he continued to buck his hips.

“I’m about-”

“Just fucking cum in me.”

“You su-”

“Yes, just do it.”

He grunted as he came in you. You moaned out a sigh and eased up off of his dick. You two were heavily breathing but catching your breaths didn’t stop you from kissing each other. You could have kissed him for hours on end but a knock on the door scared you so deeply you jumped off of him. You fixed your skirt and buttoned your blouse as quickly as possible as Spencer pulled down his nightgown before covering himself with his sheet.

“Come in,” he said.

A security guard came in. He looked at the both of you and for a second you were nervous he knew what you two did. You didn’t exactly care if you two were caught by him but it didn’t make a good first-time story to remember. You immediately grabbed your bag because you came back down to reality and realized what he was going to say.

“Visitation hours are up, miss,” he said.

“I know, I’m leaving now,” you said.

He nodded and left, closing the door behind him. You looked over at Spencer and the both of you laughed. You leaned in and gave him one last kiss.

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning to pick you up,” you said.

“Thank you. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” he said.

You smiled. “Me either. See you tomorrow.”

You turned around to walk towards the door. You couldn’t stop smiling to yourself as you thought about the possibilities of tomorrow and the future with Spencer held. Before you turned the doorknob to leave, you heard him call you.

“Y/N,” he said.

You turned your head. “Yes?”

“I can’t let you leave without asking you on a date. Would you like to go on a date next week?” He asked.

You giggled. Even though the two of you just had sex in his hospital bed, he still had to be a gentleman about the whole thing. He was definitely the best guy you had ever known. You nodded in excitement.

“I would love to, Spence,” you replied.

He smiled. “Awesome. I can’t wait. Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Spence."

—–

MASTERLIST

Tagged: @shadyladyperfection, @slutforthegubes, @pinkdiamond1016, @spencerreidsthings, @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto, @slutforsr @bxtchboy69, @fallinallinmendes @haihappen5 @mgg-theprettiestboy @siltuz-png @ptrs-prkrs @tclaerh @agentadhd @alexmarie29 @closetedreidstan @mac99martin @blxckhearthood @jesspavlik0vsky @katexrichardson @keniaasf @reidbuck @corishirogane3 @thegoddamncrazycatlady @keniaasf @pastelbabygirl19 @shadybagelsludgecolor @bootycrackraisinjuice @vintagebeauty1496 @laneybobeczko-g @littlewierdalien @cynbx

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

do you have any theories about the india trip ?? personally, im not sure what to think about it, but i’d love to hear your thoughts !!

(Sorry its taken me so long to answer this - it just got lost in my drafts cause im an idiot lmao 🤦‍♀️)

Im not entirely certain on what I believe happened in India, if in fact anything did happen at all - but more on that later! I guess though that these are the main theories (though if you have any differing opinions/theories, feel free to discuss them!):

1. Paul rejected John’s advancements

2. John wanted to further their relationship, and Paul wanted to maintain the ‘friends with benefits’ situation they already had

3. Nothing significant happened between the two (yet something still changed in John)

I’ll try to discuss which theories I find the most convincing, compelling and substantiated - as well as offering my own opinions and hypothesis’s ^^ (discussion bellow the cut)

1. Paul rejected John’s advancements

The theory I would say im most drawn to - not the theory that im necessarily most convinced by though - is that John made a move on Paul, after a few years of pining for him, and was subsequently rejected. Its a theory that I tend to be compelled by, but I have to admit that its one I struggle to justify entirely. The problem with this theory, for me, is that this is a conclusion ive drawn based mostly off of what their relationship appeared to look like after India. It seems as though something must have happened between them to have ruptured their relationship as profoundly as it did - and because they were on relatively good terms before India*, combined with certain inferences we could draw from comments John made regarding his feelings towards Paul and their relationship, it feels as though it’s possible that he made an advance on Paul, which was rejected and thus caused the ultimate disintegration of the Lennon/McCartney relationship.

(*I mean, their relationship was always complicated and difficult - but it seems that it was okay-ish prior to India, and then just inexplicably plummeted after the trip)

But nobody (as far as im aware) has confirmed, or even really alluded to, this advancement or rejection ever having happened. And the lack of evidence substantiating the claim is a major draw back for me!

However, I do also feel as though nobody’s really come out about anything that happened in India - all ive heard is that they meditated, wrote songs, John and Cyn fought, and Ringo ate baked beans. But like, more must have happened on the trip, surely? Im not saying the absence of information regarding the trip is proof that there was a big “lovers quarrel” between John and Paul, and that everyone involved in that trip is now just sworn to secrecy or something - but like, id just like to see a biographer really investigate the holiday, and try to conclude what events might have occurred during the trip, because as of right now, with the information we have, it seems to have been, bizarrely, both a lacklustre and uneventful, yet still hugely impactful event. If the narrative of the “India trip” were to be shifted in the future in light of new information, the same way the narrative of “Let It Be/Get Back” is being changed, I wouldn’t be surprised!

2. John wanted more, but Paul didn’t

Another popular theory is that John and Paul were engaged in something of a physical affair, but in India John proposed (or perhaps demanded even) that they take their relationship further, and Paul just wasn’t compelled to do so.

Beliefs vary regarding this, based on how far you personally think their relationship went: some might say they only ever did a little drunken experimenting with one another, and that it was just a fun fling until John suggested they take it further. Others might argue that they were in fact in a committed relationship, and John wanted to go public with it - or at the very least, demanded exclusivity between him and Paul.

In entertaining this theory, im most compelled to believe that John and Paul were engaged in occasional “flings”, and perhaps by ‘68 were even acknowledging that there was some deeper and more sincere between them - but ultimately, I don’t think Paul would have ever been inclined to fully commit to John, because I think he always wanted children and a family. In addition to this, though its clear John and Paul were passionate about one another, it isn’t clear how compatible they were in the long term - and with Paul being the more grounded of the too, I suspect he would have recognised this incompatibility, which John (the idealist) might not have.

Though I admit that John could certainly be unrealistic and irrational, im not convinced that he suggested to Paul they go public with their relationship, because I think John still had a fairly strong sense of his place in popular culture, and would have still been able to recognise that if they were to “come out”, it would probably deeply and irreparably damage both their careers - as well as George and Ringo’s too - at least amongst the general public. They’d still have some ardent fans, but their following overall would have become far more niche, and the “beatlemania” would’ve worn off swiftly. Im not sure if either of them would’ve been willing to take that heat in ‘68, especially not Paul, who as I mentioned earlier, I think might have recognised the futility and incompatibility inherent in their relationship.

Then again though, John was always a little “cocky”* when it came to his sexuality - I think if an interviewer were to genuinely have enquired into his sexuality, straight up asking him “Are you bi? Gay?” I get the sense that he would have told us! Sure he’d probably have dressed the response up with a dozen quick quips and jokes, but ultimately, I think he would have given a sincere response. And so, perhaps he did feel he had the confidence, at least in India, to actually “come out”, but if Paul wasn’t willing to make this official with him, perhaps this confidence dissipated.

(*No pun intended you pervs🤦‍♂️)

Another thing to note about India is that they’d have been relatively secluded, as well as off the drugs/drinks for the most part - and this would have forced them to really reflect upon their relationship. Perhaps John saw that he wasn’t contented with Cynthia, and recognised his desire for more from Paul - and so in such a raw state of mind, I can see how he’d become so shattered if Paul were to have rejected him (that statement could relate both to the first and second theory, I feel). Perhaps John made an advance upon Paul whilst they were both sober for the first time, and that changed their relationship somehow? Just thinking out loud here!

But again, this theory overall has the same problem as the first in that, though it appears to make sense, it still lacks proof; it ultimately isn’t a substantiated claim.

3. Nothing happened between J&P, but something changed

This is probably the theory that everybody is least interested in hearing, but I still think its a pretty valid one, albeit the least dramatic (In my opinion though its still a really interesting perspective to explore though!).

Its possible that nothing of particular significance happened in India, but something still shifted in John, causing him to vilify and reject Paul. The issue with this though, is that it begs the question: why did John undergo such a significant change in India then?

Id argue that perhaps John was making very subtle and slight moves towards Paul, that Paul either ignored or didn't pick up on. Id assume that perhaps John had been hinting at this desire for awhile now, and maybe he got it into his head that in India, where him and Paul would have a lot of time to be alone and intimate, his feelings would finally be reciprocated. But then, Paul never picked up on these hints, and never made any advancements - and this broke something within John. It would fit neatly within the Yoko narrative, because it offers reasoning to the abrupt but intense attachment John formed towards her almost immediately after India - as well as explaining the sudden vilification of Paul. But I suppose that the first two theories also fit pretty neatly within the Yoko narrative, because they all relate to the same basic concept that John wanted more from Paul, and Paul didn’t - and so he tried to replace him with Yoko.

I suppose though, that the this theory overall could also be countered by making the argument that Paul also began to spiral after India, and so some occurrence presumably must have happened to Paul too. I wonder though if its possible that maybe Pauls spiralling was kind of a result of Johns? I get the sense though that Paul would need a change in his life to cause his mental health to seriously deteriorate, but I don’t feel like the same is necessarily true for John - I think John is sort of the type to spiral, irregardless of whether his life undergoes a significant change or not, because I think John was the force driving a lot of the drama and troubles throughout his lifetime. So if Johns mental well-being started seriously deteriorating, I can see this being a cause of panic and anxiety for Paul.

But something that further inclines me to believe that an actual event occurred between John and Paul is this extract from Geoff Emmericks memoir (x)(id recommend reading the entire extract, its interesting!):

‘I glanced in Paul’s direction. He was staring straight ahead, expressionless and weary. He didn’t have much to say about India that day, or any other. I sensed at that moment that something fundamental in them had changed.”’

It just really feels as though there was some confrontation between John and Paul that had to have happened to perpetuate the miscommunication later seen between them. Like if there hadn’t been some kind of confrontation, then I can’t really understand why Paul would be reluctant to speak about India, or harbour any regrets or dismay regarding the journey. Perhaps you could drill it down to the betrayal they appeared to have felt by Maharishi allegedly hitting on girls - but I feel like this was a “betrayal” mostly felt by John, I never really got the sense that Paul was deeply effected by it.

But yeah - those are the main theories I think.

Overall, I think that the third theory is probably the most substantiated claim, but I think it leaves a lot to desired. It just doesn’t feel like it totally fits together, as though theres more to the story - but I guess relationships and peoples psyches aren’t puzzles, and so not everything is always going to piece together perfectly; but I dunno.

Like I said though, the theory im most compelled by is the first. I acknowledge that it lacks evidence, but it just seems to make a lot of sense to me! But really, who knows what the hell happened in India?

If anyone else has an opinion on all this, or wants to expand upon or even suggest a new theory, feel free to! I always like hearing from you guys!