#like I wrote a lot more but let’s just focus on this little bit for now .

[angelcakegirl]

ʚ recognize ! ɞ

fboy!leon kennedy x fem reader

wc; 2k

cw; smut (mdni!), p in v, unprotected, degrading, hickeys, re4r leon but in college au!!!, ooc leon(he's kinda icky), mentions of substances(alcohol n cannabis), i made leon a tits guy sorrryyyy

note; so sorry if this is kinda shitty im rlly sick rn n i wrote this at like 3am ;((( i rlly luv fboy!leon n just shitty leon in general so enjoy!!!<3

you hate leon is putting it real nicely. you loathe that man! he's a freak!! (in a literal sense too, he'll fuck whatever can breathe). to put it simply, he's a notorious man-whore around campus. sure he's attractive! but he's always rude, always judgey, and always horny. wouldn't be a shock if that man had a disease by now...

you were always a good girl. you tried to stray away from all the recklessness of life and focus on yourself, on your studies, and your future. the future meant a lot to you! okay?!

that didn't mean you could just stray away from any and all social interaction forever– as much as you wanted to. so you agreed to put on a slutty cop costume on the big night of halloween, and go to a party with your girls. you'd never turn them down! besides, how bad could that be?

so you sucked it up and went to the party. the place had blaring music, tables full of booze, and a few blunt rotations happening around the place. honestly, you never understood the point of doing this all at a party. would the alcohol not taste the same at home? would the cannabis not hit the same?? whatever, guess it doesn't bother you.

and the second you entered the place, there went all your friends now making out with random guys. really, this is why you didn't go to these places. same reason as before, why bother going to a party if you're just gonna end up alone? might as well just be alone in the comfort of your dorm! so you decide you'll just walk back. well, not yet. first make use of some of the free drinks lying around, then walk back.

so you pushed past the crowd of drunk party goers and make your way to the kitchen. pouring yourself a drink in one of those basic red solo cups. straight out of a party scene in an all-american college movie. as you took a sip, you suddenly felt someone push your head from behind with a finger, causing you to spill your drink all over your costume.

"hey! what the fuck was that for?!" you immediately turned around, preparing to scold whoever it was before rushing for the bathroom. instead, you're met with snickering from that stupid bleach-blonde boy. "you stole my costume." leon spoke with that same stupid smirk he always had.

you immediately scoffed. "excuse me?" and glanced him up and down. yeah, he was a cop too tonight. and obviously it was also slutty, but in attempts to get laid tonight. much different than your intentions! "so you spill my drink on me because of it?"

"yep." he said with a sly grin. the audacity! but whatever, you don't need unnecessary negativity. like, it's a fuckin' costume, get a grip bro? you push past him and make your way to whatever bathroom was available. albeit, it stunk of sex, but it works. you just gotta wash off so your shirt won't get all sticky, then leave. simple as that.

that was until you were met with a bit of banging on the door. probably two people out there waiting for their chance to get in, were people really that desperate for sex? just go home!! but no matter how many little occupied!'s you yelled, the knocking was persistent. okay, maybe someone needs to throw up or something? you unlock the door to let them in, only to be greeted by the one who caused this mess.

he swiftly shut the door, locking it behind him before coming to stand by you at the mirror, cleaning off your shirt. he immediately begun his stupid snickering again, "that look's worse than before." as he nodded towards your shirt. you wanted to kick him in the balls and tell him off, but he was honestly right on that one. the stain only got bigger, due to more liquid just being added. "whatever, this is literally your fault." yeah, like you care to hear his opinion!

he only continued to smirk at you through the mirror. goosebump inducing, really. he looked good but you had to remind yourself to stand on business! "you seriously think i care about a stupid costume?" he laughed a little more. "you look great tonight, princess. not as great as me... but still great." ...what the fuck were you hearing right now?

"you think i look good yet proceeded to ruin my clothes? doesn't sound very believable, leon." he looked at you as if you were the stupidest person in this room right now. "how else would i get you alone if i didn't?" he continued to grin at you. okay! you had to be going crazy at this point! "okay, so you did this to be alone with me and... why?"

leon shrugged, "you look hot and your tits look big." great. here you thought you were gonna get a good answer. yeah, no way this was happening! you immediately scoffed and went for the bathroom door knob, "bye!" but he stopped you by your wrist. "nuh-uh, you don't go anywhere yet."

you turned to face him and honestly... he was looking real sexy right now. but no! that had to just be your girl hormones talking, cause no way. he looked down at you with a straight face, before slowly beginning to smirk again. that stupid smirk might as well be his resting face at this point. "so, ya' gonna let me hit it or what?" honestly, you'd never agree to this!... you think. maybe it was the lighting in here making him look more appealing than usual, or the sexual music playing right outside the door, or the fact that it's been a hot minute since you last got off but... yeah, you caved.

as he took your small, embarrassed nod as his yes he was quick to press his lips to yours. now both moving in rhythm together as if you were made for this. he was quick to introduce tongue, making out with you as you dug your nails into his shoulders, but he couldn't have that. he pulled back, allowing you to catch your breath while his much stronger hands went from your waist up to your wrists. grabbing them both and pinning you to the bathroom door just like that, before bending down to press wet kisses down your jaw and neck. letting you whine and groan all you want. honestly, the melodies you sung went straight to his dick.

you tipped your head back, allowing him to more access to your neck. and he took this as his go to start sucking down on the skin, painting you with a few hickeys which will be embarrassing walking out the party with later. as you continued to let out a few strings of whimpers from the assault on your neck alone, he begun to snicker against your skin. "relax, girl, barely done anything yet." however, he wasn't complaining for sure. the sounds were one big ego boost to him and again, a giant boner booster as well.

his last hickey was placed right on top of the plush of your breast, which your low cut costume showed off anyways. thank god pushup bra's exist! he was quick to swing you back over to the counter, letting you watch yourself in the mirror. "s'gonna bend you over this counter like the slut you are, yeah?" if anything, he was the slut here! he chuckled over the clicks of his belt coming undone. "can't even recognize you right now." you'd much rather just not speak. mind too foggy with lust.

he easily ripped your little fishnet tights off you. whatever, they were from the dollar store anyways. and slid down your pink panties, chuckling when he saw the wet stain within them. "aw, all this for me?" as he sneakily tucked them into his pocket. as he freed himself from his pants, he nodded towards your shirt in the mirror's reflection. "take that off. wanna see those tits bounce." always swore you'd never listen to a man, yet you were quick to do what he said. he grinned when he saw them out. quick to give one a little slap, just to see them move around a bit.

he swiftly grabbed both your wrists in his one hand, noticeably very big. pinning them both down to your lower back. "it's a shame neither of us got handcuffs on us, huh, cop?" he joked as he pushed you over, using his other hand to push your skirt up to reveal your sopping wet cunt. he let his cock head glide against your folds, collecting some of your arousal on it. even rubbing his tip against your clit just for your own sake which sent jolts of pleasure through your body.

when he finally pushed himself in, you immediately gasped feeling that burning stretch. no wonder he always had girls on his dick, this thing was huge! real thick, too. he gave you a second to adjust, before slowly pushing in and out of your cunt. feeling your velvety walls stay nice and tight around him.

the feeling was all too much. moaning out, you let your head drop forwards to hang low as he started up his thrusts. which earned a tsk tsk from him, his free hand which weren't holding yours moved from your hip to your jaw, now holding your head up to make you watch yourself in the mirror. "need you to watch, can you do that for me, pretty girl?" you were fast to nod through moans, his words alone were giving you a clit hard-on.

he quickened his pace of thrusts. his talk continuously degrading, but with such sweet names in the mix. "taking this cock good, huh?" he spoke through little grunts. "like such a good slut. ye'made for it, baby." really, you shouldn't have gotten as tight as you did upon hearing that. feeling your walls squeeze against him did a number on leon, causing the blonde to throw his head back momentarily. "fuck– it's like she's sucking me in." he moaned out. and as in she, he obviously didn't mean you.

the room was filled with the lewd sounds of skin slapping and the squelching sounds your cunt made for him. that, plus both your moans, of course. maybe be a little grateful that the party music outside was loud enough to cover this all up, okay? he continued his thrusts, noticing the way you were getting closer. he's done many girls before, of course he can tell by now. his hand snaked down from holding your head up, to your clit. (but also giving your tits a quick squeeze as he moved), where he begun to rub you just in the way he learned majority of the girls he slept with liked. that, paired with the way his cock head kissed your cervix did a number on you. "you like that, baby? gonna cum all over this dick?" you made it very apparent that you in fact loved it actually, by the way you moaned his name and writhed for him.

as your orgasm began to topple near, leon found himself getting close too. really couldn't help himself, your tits in the mirror were just to mesmerizing. when he was really close, balls heavy with cum, he began his dirty talk again. "gonna cum inside this pussy, yeah?" he grunted. "like she's made for me, take it all." the sex was just all too good, and you were being sorta a pushover right now, so you really didn't care at this point!

his words pushed you right off the edge, as you began to writhe and cry out while you creamed around his cock. he took this as his cue to finally cum himself, throwing his head back in a low groan as he filled your cunt. "oh, fuckk yes–" he moaned out as your babbled through your orgasm, calling out his name and his only. that shit alone got him going as well.

as you both came down from your highs, he let go of you. quickly getting his pants back on. "well, i gotta bounce," he said in a hurry.

at least he did the you the courtesy of pulling your skirt back down. "hasta luego!" he shut the door again, leaving you in the bathroom of a party, out of breath, with his remnants spilling out your cunt. how fucking rude.

[cupiidzbow]

uhhh

i know it’s 4 am but I was inspired by character relationship chart posting by mutuals and i have a really long and needlessly complicated chart including all the characters bc I think about it more than I healthily should 💔💔💔💔

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Dad!Lee Minho x F!Reader TW : pregnant reader ; one child ; just fluff ; the fluffiest fluff ; Word Count : 2.3k Request : Anonny : Can we have more dad lee know 🥹 after the newest skz family ep dad lee know has taken over me A/N : Gonna make this in headcanon mode so that I can give multiple examples, I can't focus on just one. The Minho brainrot has gotten to me!

Dad Lee Know who announced your pregnancy through bubble and took an hour and half a bag of kitty treats just to line Soonie, Doongie, and Dori up around your positive pregnancy test. The only caption was “I’ve been promoted from cat dad to real dad.” 

Dad Lee Know who keeps the pregnancy tracker app on his phone because he wants you to have enough storage on your phone to take constant pictures of belly updates. He sends you a text every time a week passes letting you know what the baby is the size of. Your favorite text was probably the random “BASEBALL!!!” text, it took you a good five minutes to understand what it meant since he didn’t elaborate. 

Dad Lee Know who comes home from work every day and gives your belly kisses, telling his little baseball sized baby that he missed them dearly. He says it’s so that they get used to hearing it already and they’ll know what it means when they come out. 

Dad Lee Know who plans his entire schedule around your doctors appointments, making sure that he’s able to make it to each and every one of them. He and Chan almost got into a fight because Chan accidentally said the wrong date for practice. He even wrote the appointment dates on the staff calendar so they knew not to schedule anything for those days. 

Dad Lee Know who had playfully made a bet with the guys about the gender of his child. He said he had thought it was, and he had wanted a boy, but when it was revealed that he was having a daughter he had cried tears of joy and excitedly wrote in the group chat that he’d give the guys the money he owed them for the bet after he took you out to eat. 

Dad Lee Know who started decorating the nursery for his daughter the day after the appointment, declaring that the nursery would be fit for a princess… And then proudly stating that his daughter is a princess already. She was going to be spoiled beyond belief. 

Dad Lee Know who had bought a heart doppler just so that he could lay in bed at night beside you with his headphones on listening to the sound of his daughter's rapid heartbeat. (He had also googled on the first night if it was normal for a baby's heartbeat to be almost 170bpm in the womb… It is normal.) 

Dad Lee Know who took paternity leave 3 weeks before your due date because he had read that by that time the baby could come at any point and he didn’t want to take any chances of missing the moment. 

Dad Lee Know who put on a strong face when your water broke while you both were out shopping for more baby clothes. On the inside he was freaking out, but he was staying calm for you. 

Dad Lee Know who held your hand on the ride to the hospital, tears already pricking his eyes knowing that his baby girl would soon enter this world and he’d be able to hold her. 

Dad Lee Know who freaked out a little bit (a lot) when he saw his daughter's head crowning, he was about to faint, so he opted to stay up close to your head through the rest of the delivery because he wanted to be conscious when she fully came out. 

Dad Lee Know who told you that you were doing amazing and how proud he was of you even though you were being so mean during the delivery. He understood though, it looked like it hurted a lot. He was so proud to call you his wife. 

Dad Lee Know who’s hand was shaking as he cut the umbilical cord, his breath was held, but that was the moment that he truly felt like a dad, like a father. He finally let the breath out when the cord was cut. 

Dad Lee Know who cried harder than you when he heard his daughter’s first cries. 

Dad Lee Know who begged you to let him hold her first, and you were honestly so tired that you didn’t even have the energy to say no. 

Dad Lee Know who almost filled up his phone storage completely on his daughter's first day on earth because he couldn’t stop taking pictures of her. She was so beautiful, he had hearts in his eyes the moment he laid them on her. She was precious to him and he let the world know it. 

Dad Lee Know who sent a picture of her to the group chat with the caption “I made this! So did Y/N, but look at her! Look what we made!” In that moment he had created a team of uncles that would promise to protect her just as much as Minho would. 

Dad Lee Know who woke up every night with his daughter because he didn’t want to miss a moment with her. He also knew that you needed your sleep, you had done all of the hard work, the least he could do is let you get some rest. 

Dad Lee Know who introduced his daughter to his cats as their new sister. “She’s not old enough to play yet, so be nice. You can look, but don’t touch. Okay?” It seemed like they understood him though, they would sit around her swing and stare at her, almost like they were guarding her or watching out for her, and they would only move away when you or Minho picked her up. 

Dad Lee Know who would get slightly sad when you would breastfeed his daughter because it was one of the things he couldn’t do. He surprised you with a breast pump because he wanted her to know he could give the milk too, just… In bottle form. 

Dad Lee Know who immediately felt guilty about the breast pump because it looked painful and he didn’t want you to be sore. The only time you did it now was when you knew you were going out and you wanted to have the milk ready. 

Dad Lee Know who almost threw up the first time he changed her diaper. After he was done it looked like he had lost about 20 years which was hysterical to you. All of the guys heard about it and they clowned him for it for a good bit. 

Dad Lee Know who cried his eyes out the night before his paternity leave was over. He didn’t want to go back to work, he didn’t want to spend a single moment away from you or his daughter, the thought that he might miss something was devastating to him. 

Dad Lee Know who had attempted to sneak his daughter to work with him in the baby wrap carrier, and then crying even more when you caught him and told him he couldn’t, at least not until she was a couple months older. 

Dad Lee Know who refused to believe that his daughter was already five months old when the day came around. He was a softie and he didn’t like to think that his baby girl was growing already, he wanted her to stay little forever. 

Dad Lee Knowwho brought home a “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament when he came home from work and then proceeded to cry his eyes out because “where did the time go? Tell her to stop growing.” 

Dad Lee Know who went all out for her first birthday party which he wanted to be princess themed because, alas, she was his princess. He took pictures and videos all day, and then that night when she was fast asleep, he laid in bed beside you, choked up and sniffling as he told you that he felt like he was missing too much of her life because of his job. 

Dad Lee Know who had been the one to see her take her first steps and jokingly flaunted that you had missed it… But then quickly apologized when he saw that it upset you and pulled out his phone because he had managed to record it. The group chat also got the video, they were constantly in the loop about everything that she did. 

Dad Lee Know who demanded that you and his daughter be allowed to go on tour with him and the guys, and then giving management the ultimatum that it was the three of you, or none of you at all. That was his daughter's first plane trip. 

Dad Lee Know who death stared at anyone that even looked slightly annoyed when your daughter got a little cranky on the plane. He kept her on his lap the whole time and bounced her and sang to her so that you’d have a comfortable flight. 

Dad Lee Know who talked only about you and his daughter when he had the chance to during concerts. If fans had a problem with it, he didn’t really care. You and his baby were the most important things in his life right now, and you always would be. If the fans didn’t like hearing about it, they could leave. 

Dad Lee Know who personally wrote a song about you and his daughter, and with the help of Chan, Changbin, and Jisung, he was able to have it finished just in time for your anniversary. 

Dad Lee Know who woke up every morning to make breakfast for his daughter and pack her lunch when she was old enough to go to school. 

Dad Lee Know who was the only father crying in a sea of mothers (including you) when it was her first day of kindergarten. He didn’t want to let go of her hand, and you had to practically pry his fingers off. 

Dad Lee Know who took an entire day off work that day just so he could cuddle up with you and cry to you about how empty and quiet the house felt without her there. 

Dad Lee Know who was the first parent up at the school every single day, waiting a whole hour out on the bench in front of her classroom door with a snack and a brand new stuffed animal. That’s how her stuffed animal collection began. 

Dad Lee Know who would sit on the floor next to his daughter's bed and read her bedtime stories, acting out parts of the stories with her stuffed animals because he knew it made her smile. 

Dad Lee Know who fell asleep one night in the middle of reading the bedtime stories, his head resting on the edge of his daughters mattress, and when he woke up she was sitting on his lap and sleeping as well. He didn’t move that night and he didn’t mind the backache that came along with sleeping that way either. 

Dad Lee Know who was the loudest person in the crowd when his daughter walked across the stage for her little award for perfect grades. “THAT'S MY BABY! YES! DADDY IS SO PROUD OF YOU PRINCESS!” 

Dad Lee Know who stayed up all night to help his 6th grade daughter with her science fair project, even after she headed off to bed, he continued to work on it just to make sure she got first place. 

Dad Lee Know who about lost his shit when she got second place, you and his daughter had to usher him out of the gymnasium where everything was set up so that he wouldn’t embarrass her. 

Dad Lee Know who took you and his daughter out to dinner after the science fair mishap and told his daughter that “it doesn't matter whether you got second place or first place, you’ll always be number one to me. You’re the smartest girl I know and I’m so proud of you.” 

Dad Lee Know who would help his daughter with her homework every night, even if he spent all day practicing or recording, he was never too tired to help her. 

Dad Lee Know who would still tuck his daughter in at night and make sure her closet was shut and her night light was on when she would fall asleep no matter how old she got. 

Dad Lee Know who got choked up when his daughter graduated high school, his voice cracking when she walked across the stage and hiding his face in your shoulder so that no one would see him crying. 

Dad Lee Knowwho you had to give a speech to when his daughter said that she wanted to bring her boyfriend over to meet you and Minho. “Don’t look at him like you want to kill him, Minho.” “But what if I want to kill him? He’s trying to take my baby girl away.” “Baby, she’s 19…” “Blah blah blah I don’t want to hear it! She’s a baby!” 

Dad Lee Know who threw a massive party when his daughter got accepted into SNU. He tried to uninvite his daughter’s boyfriend, but she insisted that he come or she wouldn’t show up. 

Dad Lee Know who taught his daughter to drive. He was terrified, and she almost crashed into the curb, but he told her she was doing a great job regardless so that he didn’t break her spirits. 

Dad Lee Know who would do anything for his daughter, she is his entire life, his whole world. He loved her with his entire heart. He’s the best father in the universe, he would lay down his life for her, he would give up everything for her. She’s the greatest thing to ever happen to him, and watching her grow has been bittersweet, sad but rewarding. He wanted nothing but the best for her, and he’d make sure that no matter how old he got, or how old she got, he’d always be there for her. 

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[atrwriting]

more, more, more — carmy x reader

carmen berzatto x coworker!reader

listen to me. this man? this man?? so fucking slutty. so fucking slutty i can’t even think straight. i am absolutely AGHAST at how little writing there is of this man online. absolutely OUTRAGEOUS. he looks like that and none of us have done his character justice?? DISGRACEFUL.

i wrote this in direct response to how angry i am at how little there is.

as always, warnings… SMUT!, alcohol consumption, alcohol consumption with sex, smoking, p in v penetration, work relationships, overstimulation, carmen berzatto being an absolute mind blowing fuck on a table i mean in bed

also, minors fuck RIGHT the fuck off

barely edited we die like men

i stole that joke don’t come for me

anyway....

you didn’t really know how it happened.

you were once an unemployed law student, scared of drowning in bills, and eagerly awaiting a call back from anyone that would hire you — when she called.

natalie berzatto.

her voice was warm and comforting on the phone, and very eager to have you come in. she was relaying important information to you on the phone, and while you grabbed bits and pieces, it was hard to focus on anything else besides the sheer excitement of finally having a job. the job would be stressful, sure — but at least you wouldn’t be broke and stressed.

unfortunately, your first couple of shifts were a mess and a half. you took instructions well, and performed well, but in the hospitality business — that means nothing when an oven burner is out, a dishwasher doesn’t show up for a shift, richie starts barking, or when carmen’s upset.

carmen.

fucking carmen.

while soft spoken, there was nothing that could compare to the look of approval in his eye when you had completed a task to his standard. most people would consider the job of a hostess useless, or not a job at all — something to laugh at, but carmen? no. that man took your job very seriously, as he knew what it meant to provide the full experience to the customer.

however, when something was lacking in the kitchen and that experience was interrupted… carmen took the look of approval, almost gratefulness, away and replaced it with something that everyone felt like they had to walk around shards of glass.

when he was angry? oh, fuck… that could ruin anyone’s night.

the worst of it happened when his sister unexpectedly went into labor. two weeks early.

carmen had left the place screaming, and, in the process, had also left his things at the restaurant, including his jacket, wallet, keys, the lot — so to be nice you went to drop it off at his place. worried that he might be at the hospital, you texted him.

you: hey, going out for a drink. saw you forgot your stuff at the restaurant so i grabbed it because you’re otw. you home?

carmen: oh shit thanks. i’m home

so there you stood. at his front door, his stuff in hand.

you quickly adjusted your long hair, worried about your appearance. it was weird to show up to carmen’s place in your regular attire — seeing as though your regular attire on a night with your friends was black flare jeans, a tight black long sleeve v-neck that showed off your cleavage — you were concerned that he might be concerned with who he exactly employed. however, his niece was just born… he had more important things to worry about.

so you knocked.

and barely waited.

carmen was barely at the door a few seconds later before you came face to face with the man who constantly let exhaustion ride on his back.

“you good?” you immediately asked, handing over his stuff.

he nodded. “yeah, uh — thanks.”

“you look like you could use a drink,” you laughed. “want to come with?”

he shook his head, the corners of his lips somewhat curving upwards. “nah. day was hectic. you want one? come in — for a drink?”

you smiled. “i don’t want to intrude, especially after the berzatto family excitement of the day.”

“i owe you,” he sighed. “but don’t let me hold you up if your friends are waiting.”

you smiled. “one drink won’t hurt.”

one drink definitely did not hurt.

drink two and three definitely didn’t, either.

how much carmen made you laugh definitely made your stomach hurt, though. in a good way.

“you’re killing me,” you cackled. “who knew quiet carmen berzatto was such a good host.”

“you can call me carmy, y’know,” he spoke, saying his cigarette before pouring you another drink. “everyone else does.”

you shrugged. “you’re pretty professional in the kitchen. didn’t want to impose.”

“i don’t think you could impose a day in your life,” he chuckled. “i think you’re the only one that knows boundaries in that fuckin’ place.”

“says the mysterious one,” you giggled. “the only reason any of us know your nicknames is because richie likes to share your baby stories.”

“speaking of babies…” he took a drag. “thank you for helping sugar out so much. she told me to tell you how much she appreciates it.”

you shrugged. “‘s nothing.”

“nothing?” he scoffed. “you keep her sane. definitely keep me sane.”

“always got your back, chef,” you giggled.

he smiled, and ashed his cigarette once more. his long, thick fingers stretched around the circumference of his glass. one fingertip tapped against the glass and a few droplets of condensation fell to his countertop.

you were twisted around in your seat to face carmen, eyeing his attractive hands. in your peripheral vision, you saw him lift his head to cock it towards you and stare at you. the longing look sent shivers up your spine, but you gazed at him through your long lashes as you waited for his response.

“you do,” he spoke. “always have. we were lucky to find you. i - i was, i mean.”

“more like i was lucky get a call from natalie,” you laughed. “it’s so hard to find a well paying job nowadays.”

“heard,” he rasped. “you happy at the bear?”

“very,” you replied. “staff keeping you happy, chef?”

he chuckled. “when i’m not made to scream, yeah.”

“that’s fair. we’re lucky to have you.”

there was only so many things you could think of to say to carmen before you began to consider that you were imposing. you slapped your hands against your thighs — a implicit signal it was time for you to go. he led you to the door, where he reached out for your coat. you smiled at him, thanked him for the drink, and slid your arms through the jacket as he held it out for you.

you don’t know what caused you to, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was you — or maybe it was how good carmen smelled — but you glanced up and over your shoulder at the polite man behind you.

you didn’t have anything to say. frankly, you said something last — it was his turn. however, carmen’s sense of societal expectations started and ended with the door to the kitchen. but there, by his front door? basically holding you by the shoulders, and staring back down at you? he had nothing to say.

however… his eyes could share a thousand things about him. more specifically, emotions. carmen’s eyes showed exhaustion, a bit of dehydration, to keep it a buck, but there was so much intensity in those crystal irises. they were a stunning, clear blue… but with the way carmen was gazing down at you, there appeared to be no clear thought in his head.

and he did nothing.

so you could do nothing.

you found yourself disappointed at his actions, or rather — lack thereof.

you simply smiled, and went to turn away. you reached for his door knob, when you felt the slightest brush of calloused fingers against the skin of your wrist. the feeling shocked you, pricking at your nerves, but you didn’t stop until you felt those fingers enclose around the circumference of your wrist.

like they had with the glass, moments ago.

you turned back, letting your long and thick eyelashes ghost over your line of sight. all you could see was a frozen chef, standing tired, but staring back at you.

when his gaze fell to the floor, you stepped closer. he glanced up.

you felt the heat rise to your cheeks as you softly asked, “what’s up, carmy?”

“first time i had someone over.” his parted lips closed so he could swallow, and his eyes drifted between your lips and the floor. the words were right there, on his tongue. they were so close you could feel them, taste them. he replied, “i, um… don’t want it to end, uh — i guess.”

you smiled and turned around in place, barely inches from his face. his breaths were pushing past his lips in small, light puffs that hit the tip of your chin. it was like he was conscious of everything he was emitting; his vibe, where he was looking, even his fucking exhales. he was cautious and frozen and all you wanted was for him to be relaxed, or as close to, as he was moments ago.

“already drank you out of house and home, carmy. what else you got in mind?”

his eyes widened, but his voice stayed level. “what else i got in mind?”

you hummed in agreement with a coy smile on your face. you folded your lip between your teeth and stepped backwards. carmy glanced at your hips and feet hesitantly, shifting his weight slightly. while his eyes were trained on you, his parted lips quivered slightly which told you that there was still some nervousness lingering in him. with every step you took, carmy took one as well. you kept stepping backwards, and carmy kept stepping forwards, until your back was pressed against the wall.

carmy’s lips weren’t slightly quivering anymore. there was no hesitation in his figure when he leaned down slightly and rested a flat palm against the drywall above your head. his breath was hitting you on both cheeks — as if they weren’t hot enough already. inside you were screaming. you were screaming, and screaming, and screaming and all you wanted to do was grab both sides of his face and smash your lips to his. you wanted to, but you wouldn’t. you wanted to see if he would.

“you know,” you spoke, raising your back. your cold palm pressed against his cheek. it was burning — almost as bad as yours. “even though you’re the boss… never seen you actually taste anything.”

“no?” he rasped. the gruffness in his voice pricked at your cheeks and went straight to your core. “and what do you want me to taste, sweetheart?”

you released your grip from his cheek and brought your hand down to your face. with a manicured nail, you tapped the plumpness of your bottom lip. you stared into his eyes — a dare.

“fuck.”

with his free hand, carmen wrapped your hand in his own and pressed it to the middle of his chest. he held it there, pressed against his heart, and surprisingly it was the exact spot you wanted to hold him. you wanted to hear — no, feel his heart that was beating slightly faster than normal. when carmen finally pressed his chapped lips against yours… you saw stars.

the alcohol coursing through your veins made you melt into the man before you. his hand on the wall slid down until he was rubbing the side of your neck, and then gripping the base of your skull. his fingers, his beautiful, skillful fingers threaded through your hair like it was one of his pieces of art and he was creating something. he twisted your strands until he had your head bent back, practically supported by the heavy palm of his hand. the motion made you gasp into his mouth. carmen swallowed it whole. every. last. bit.

“y’taste so fuckin’ sweet,” he moaned against your lips.

you hummed with him. the warmth of his body engulfed your body into his until the moment started and ended with carmen anthony berzatto. you could taste the liquor on his tongue that danced with your own. with every breath he took, bits of smoke would linger between the two of you. it went straight to your head, swallowing your senses whole. you didn’t know if it was the alcohol, the cigarettes, or carmen himself, but you felt like you were swimming.

“this okay, sweetheart?” he asked, pulling away for a second. a thumb of his stroked the skin of your cheek as he stared at you, waiting for feelings of regret from you. “d-do you want me to stop?”

“please don’t stop, carmy,” you gasped, pulling him back into. “you’re perfect.”

you didn’t expect that would make carmen slide his hands down your body and grasp the back of your thighs. his fingertips pressed into your skin, pulling your legs up and around his waist. you squealed against his teeth and couldn’t believe you had found yourself in this situation.

it’s not that carmen wasn’t handsome, no. the man was drop dead gorgeous in a tortured artist way, and you always had a thing for men that looked like they needed a hug but wouldn’t admit it. but… he was your boss.

what could you do about that? it’s not like you could stop now. even if you had told him to stop, got your shit and left — the damage was done. you both had crossed the boundaries, and you were going to reap what you sewed.

in that case… might as well have a little fun with it.

he had placed you on a neighboring table. his large hands gripped the flesh of your thighs and you couldn’t help but whine into his embrace. his tongue glided over your lips and teeth and with your tongue in the messiest way possible and all you could chant in your head was more, more, more.

and that’s when you found yourself pulling at the bottom of his t-shirt.

he stepped back slightly, throwing his shirt over his head. his swollen lips were parted, and his eyes searched your face. you found your chest rising and falling with anticipation, and realized you should’ve been more concerned with how he was dealing with all of this.

“you okay, carmy?” you whispered.

he nodded, letting a few fingertips of his ghost over the skin of your cheek. his crystal eyes glanced down to your lips.

“we can stop, you know,” you whispered again. “it’s okay.”

he nodded again before dipping his head down to the side of your neck. his plump lips left wet kisses on the sensitive skin and you moaned into the open air. you widened the space between your knees, allowing for carmen to wedge himself between your thighs.

“you’re always talking such good care of me, sweetheart, so good to me,” he rasped against your throat, sucking on the skin. “but all i want to do right now is have my fingers inside you. y’gonna let me?”

“yes, carmy,” you whined. “yes please.”

“such a polite girl f’me.” carmy’s mouth was attacking your throat. moans escaped passed your lips like carmy was squeezing them from you, claiming them. his fingers traveled down the front of your clothes and stopped at the button of your jeans. sliding it open, carmen berzatto slipped his perfect hands into your jeans.

“right there, please,” you gasped once his fingers found your bundle of nerves.

his fingers dipped into your core and spread it all over where you needed him most. warmth began to spread through your hips and your knees widened for him. his drew circles different ways until he noticed that when he drew counterclockwise circles, you bit your lip and your eyes appeared to involuntarily flutter shut. you felt carmy smirk against the skin of your neck.

“what made you this wet, baby?” he hummed, sucking at the base of your throat.

“you, carmy,” you whined. “felt it as soon as i saw you when i first walked in. needed you so badly.”

he smirked again. “so bringing my things wasn’t of the purest intentions?”

heat rose to your cheeks with the sensual actions that were taking place below the belt and carmy’s accusation. you grew worried at what he would say if you said no, that you honestly just wanted to help him out… but if carmy wanted to play like that, you could play.

“n-no,” you whined as the pleasure began to spread throughout your whole body.

carmy was holding you so close to him. it was like he was your support — supporting you through such a physically vulnerable moment. your legs were practically shaking at this point, trying to take everything he was giving you and not start sobbing. you were grabbing at any piece of him you, wanting to kiss him — but he wouldn’t let you. fucking bastard.

“good,” he stated, staring you dead in the eyes. your mouth fell open at his response, a pant pushing passed your lips. “i don’t have the purest of intentions when i do this.”

carmen berzatto slid two long, thick fingers inside you ever so slowly. the motion pulled small moans out of you like you were a pathetic mess of a puddle and the sun rose and set with him. you felt his fingertips press against the upper wall inside you, while another finger worked at your clit, and all you could do was hold onto him tighter.

“it feels so good, carmy,” you whined. “i love your fingers so, so much.”

“yeah, baby?” he breathed against your ear. “you wanna cum f’me?”

“faster, please, i will,” you sobbed. you fucking sobbed as the tapping motion inside you hastened. “oh god — oh my fucking god —“

“that’s it, sweetheart? that’s what you needed?”

“yes, yes — fucking — fuck — yes.”

“f-fuck —“ he groaned broken, incoherent phrases against your throat. his breath was hot and heavy on your skin and all you could think about was how good he felt inside of you, and also how badly you wanted all of him inside you. interrupting your thoughts, he spoke, “show me how good it feels, baby. finish all over my fingers f’me.”

that broke you.

that fucking broke you.

it was like a shock of lightning hit you straight in your core and the power from the strike spread throughout your entire body. every muscle of yours went taut as you arched your chest into carmy’s.

with his expert hands, he fucked you through the orgasm. “that’s it, baby. that’s it. keep cumming for me.”

it was like carmen berzatto knew everything to say to make you shatter. you couldn’t even breathe — all you could do was give into the spreading feeling of bliss and hold your breath while it washed over you. it was wave, after wave, after wave of mind-numbing orgasm and carmen held you through all of it.

“pretty girl.”

“i know, baby. you’re such a sweet girl f’me.”

“that’s it, sweetheart. take it.”

once the waves finished hitting you, your chest was rising and falling heavily. carmen peppered light kisses along your neck, being gentle as to your state, but you were having none of it. you reached for his belt.

“greedy.”

you smiled lazily at him. “any objections, chef?”

he smirked at you, letting his fingers ghost over your sensitive core. a shiver ran up and down your spine at the almost painful action. “be careful — or i’ll make you cum again.”

you knew he wasn’t joking. you let out a slight giggle before you dragged the zipper and his boxers down. freeing his cock, you pumped his shaft.

carmy was once dominantly kissing your neck and whispering mean things in your ear, but now he was using the crook of your neck to support his forehead.

“you have such a pretty cock, carmy,” you whispered in his ear. there was something so comforting about being intimate with a man where you both could be vulnerable, and you weren’t sure if you would ever let it go. you want him everywhere he would let you have him. “i don’t know if i want it in my mouth or inside me more.”

he chuckled at that, crooning back into your embrace when you would touch a very sensitive part of him. “dirty girl — you’re so fuckin’ evil.”

you were worried the friction was becoming too much for him, but you didn’t want to raise your hand to your own lips, so you swiped some of the juices from your core and used it to lubricate the skin of carmy’s cock. it was a quick motion — you didn’t think he’d notice, and plus his eyes were most likely closed.

but when he spoke, you froze.

“do-do that again.” his voice was rough with lust. “do that again for me.”

you were hesitant at first, but you decided to make a show of it. you slowly dragged two fingers up the length of your slit and rubbed a very slow circle around the circumference of your clit. you gasped at the sensitivity, slightly jumping at the touch.

“fuck, that’s hot,” he groaned, breath humid on your neck.

you smirked at his response and reached for his cock. your hand slipped along the smooth skin of his cock, drawing a deep groan from carmen. the poor man was so sensitive — almost aching from what giving everything he had to you previously felt like.

“so big, carmy,” you breathed. “so big and pretty.”

“y’know what would be prettier?” he asked, pressing a kiss to your jaw line. “watching you put it inside you. can you do that, baby?

you smiled at him devilishly. carmy’s hands shoved the rest of your jeans down your legs and flung them somewhere in the room. your pussy was aching — dripping for the man before you. the sensitivity had left you, no longer prickling at your nerve endings. all that was left was the want for more — anything carmy had to give you.

“please,” you whined, rubbing the head of his cock against your glistening folds.

“i love when you beg f’me,” he groaned. “such a good fuckin’ girl.”

both of your lines of sight drifted down to the view of your hips. you both watched in awe as you lined carmy up with your entrance as he pushed his hips towards you.

the throws of passion and want for carmy were intense, sure — but so was the want to enjoy this while he could. he pushed in the tip of his cock, groaning slightly as your tight hole encased him. you whines at the barely filled feeling — so empty, needing more. carmy, however? carmy didn’t care. he wanted to feel every push and pull of your muscles between your hips.

carmy kept his eyes turned down at your pussy and you swallowed more and more of him inside you. he gripped the flesh of your waist, fingertips digging into you. your own hands were splayed our flat against the cool countertop of the table — a direct juxtaposition of the boiling feeling that electrified the top of every inch of your skin. you whined as carmy took his time with his thrusts, pulling back every so often when he felt resistance, and then pushing back in ever so slightly, yet slightly farther, each time.

“please, more,” you gasped, folding your lip between your teeth. “i want all of you.”

“baby isn’t patient, huh?” he asked, continuing with his motions. “gotta have it all, when you want it?”

“i can’t be teased right now,” you sobbed. it was pathetic how needy you were, but fucking christ did it turn carmy on.

“this what you want, baby?” he asked, pushing into you deeper.

your walls were squeezing him like he was the only thing that existed to you. the burn at your entrance was something so bittersweet, something so delicious — you didn’t know how you were going to keep control and make this special for him as well, let alone how you weren’t going to cum right then. but you didn’t care — you didn’t have the strength to care.

“yes, carmy — please,” you begged, bucking your hips into him weakly. “fuck — your cock feels so good.”

“yeah, baby?” he pressed into deeper. “so impatient you can’t handle it slow?”

“i want you to fuck me, carm,” you bit with lust dripping from every word. “fuck me — use me however you want — please.”

fuck.

that set him off.

carmy was a patient and low maintenance man, sure, out of necessity and convenience mostly. however, when he had the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, with a dirty mouth to match, talking back to him, and begging him to be selfish?

fuck patience. fuck ease. and fuck being selfless.

carmen’s grip tightened on your waist, and he pushed the last parts of his cock inside you.

it immediately hit you right where you needed him — that soft, sensitive spot so deep that barely anyone before him could dream of reaching. your walls gripped the smooth skin of his cock and you screamed. you fucking wailed when he finally pounded into you painfully, but so fucking sweetly.

“dirty — fucking — girl,” he grunted, thrusting upwards into your pussy.

there was nothing like the sight of carmy finally taking what he wanted. no expression of shame, or guilt, or hesitation on his face — just a man, slightly bent over before you, inside of you, holding you so close to him because, in that moment, you could give him what he wanted — needed. and, in that moment, all he needed was you.

the side of his face was pressed against yours, breathing heavily into your ear. the few groans he let escape his throat were guttural — almost animalistic. they went straight to your core, practically flooding around his cock. your whines of pleasure forced his hips forward and back faster and harder with each motion. balancing your weight and carmy’s with a firm hand of yours behind you on the table, you clamped your free hand on the back of his neck. you twisted a few stray strands of his hair around your fingers, tugging at them. every thrust caused you to pull his hair, him, closer and harder into you.

“laythefuckdown,” he spat, to your surprise.

the command startled you, sure — but it also made you bite your lip in anticipation. he pressed a wet, heavy kiss to your cheek, throwing butterflies in your lower stomach, as you released him. before you could lay down, he stopped you.

“you want to give me what i want, baby?” he whispered against your lips.

you nodded, gazing at him with dark, lust filled eyes.

“then i want your pussy to finish around my cock,” he stated. “think you can do that f’me?”

“y-yeah,” you replied, shakily, but full of trust.

you laid down and carmy regained his footing at the end of the table, keeping his cock pressed firmly inside you as he stood above you. his cock twitched against your most sensitive spot inside you, and you whined at the new angle. he gripped one of your hips firmly, but let his other hand ghost up your glistening lips.

“such a pretty fucking pussy,” he rasped, gazing at it. “takes my cock so well. but right here…”

he pressed his thumb against your clit.

you would’ve jumped if his hand wasn’t keeping you locked to the table.

“this is what i want,” he spat. “so fucking pretty.”

he began rubbing rough, fast circles on your clit. your legs were shaking from the overstimulation, and you thought you could cry from the sensation. your back arched off the table, and your hands struggled to find something to grip — to balance you as carmy tortured you.

but then his cock started working itself back into you again, hitting that spot that needed him so badly.

“think you can cum like this, baby?” he asked, taunting you. “be a good girl for me, yeah?”

“yes — !” you groaned, reaching for the end of the table with one hand. grabbing it, you tried to steady yourself, but it was no use. not with carmy. “fuck — it’s so much — it’s too much carmy —“

“gonna cum for me, sweetheart?”

you threw your head up to stare at the man. he was rocking into you like that was the only thing he knew, fucking you like it was the only thing he wanted, but there was so much focus on his eyes. so much focus on you.

“gonna give me what i want?”

“yes, yes,” you were nodding your head so pathetically, so sweetly for him. tears were practically threatening to spill over the corners of your eyes, but they glistened at him, and only him, and god did it fuck with him. “please, carmy — let me cum for you.”

“do it,” he ordered. “fuck, baby — cum for me.”

your hips were bucking against his pelvis and his hand, too erratic for him to be precise like he wanted to. you were chasing his fingertips, chasing the orgasm that even in his selfish state he was so generous to give. whines left your throat involuntarily as the intensity in your lower abdomen grew, and grew, and grew. your eyes were screwed shut as you pushed yourself to your elbows, holding yourself up as you couldn’t help but curl into yourself. carmen may have been looking at you, or something else — it didn’t matter. all you saw was the black of your eyelids, until is was white.

white. pure white.

your finger nails dug into the meat of your palms as the heat spread from your womb to the entirety of your body. every nerve ending and hair rose to the highest point of height they could, and you held your breath. the feeling of immense pleasured you washed over you — wave after wave, after wave, after wave. it hit you, it crashed into you, it fucking drowned you — it swallowed you whole until you were gasping for air. your orgasm was violent — practically mine splitting. you were shaking. you were sensitive beyond belief, beyond repair — and the prickling feeling wouldn’t stop. you were gasping for air as you looked down, only to find carmy’s hand still working between your thigh.

still rubbing those fucking circles.

“c-carmy,” you sputtered, tears wet in the corner of your eye. “please — i c-can’t.”

“shhh,” he whispered. “just keep cumming, baby. just keep cumming for me.”

your chest split open at that, throwing you back against the table top. shivers went up and down your spine as you took carmy’s torture.

“that’s it, baby. that’s it.”

his words were music to your ears as you screamed for him.

“ohh, fucking shit — that’s it —“ he hissed. “just like that. take it all for me — oh, fuck.”

you were dazed and confused on carmy’s table, basically seeing stars. absolutely useless, fucked out beyond words. you felt the weight and warmth of carmy’s body lean over, and rest against yours, as his hips sloppily rocked into you.

you wrapped your legs around the middle of carmy’s back, locking him in place. one hand went to clamp on the back of his head, and the other pressed against the side of his cheek.

against his lips, you whispered, “cum for me, carmy, please. i want to feel you inside of me.”

“good — fucking —“ he grunted, pressing his lips to yours in a farm, hard kiss as he shook. carmy’s tongue shoved itself into your mouth, and down your throat. carmy was everywhere — so deep in every part of you. you hummed with each moan of his you swallowed, rocking your hips against his and rocking him through his orgasm. gasps left his lips as he gripped any part of you he could, doing anything he could to hold onto you and keep you in place.

“holy f-fucking shit,” he gasped against your cheek, pressing kisses to your cheek and the length of your neck. “that — that was — it was so —“

“i know,” you spoke, giggling slightly.

carmy laid his head against your collarbone and you weaved his wet curls around your fingers. he rested fully against you, completely relaxed.

“fuck your friends,” he mumbled. “stay here tonight — as long as, um — you want to, that is.”

your giggle hummed in your chest. carmy’s confidence leaving him in the middle of the sentence surprised you slightly, but not enough to leave you unamused. “‘m not imposin’?”

he chuckled at that, and pulled you up from the table and into his arms. "fuck off."

-----

lmk what you think :) love yall -L

[amuyyi]

warm enough .

synopsis; recovering from an expected breakup, you find yourself drunk at a nearby bar, encountering an unfamiliar girl who happens to know your ex.

trope; non idol!ningning x fem!reader, uni au, fluff, a little angst, a little suggestive, strangers to lovers, feat. kep1er members :3

wc; 4.8k

cw; a little suggestive but not really

a/n; fun fact this happened to me irl ! figured i could use my experiences for stories ! everything from the breakup to the bar kiss is based on my personal experience so lol have fun. also its kinda poorly written because i wrote some of it while on the plane + in china while being very tired and i dont feel like proofreading so im sorry ^^'

The breakup was supposed to be a mutual thing. A smooth and easy agreement between you and Jimin. You guys met in a cafe when your soon-to-be-ex girlfriend finally dropped the bomb on you. 

“I still care a lot about you, y/n. But I want to focus on myself and my future… I think you should too.”

You wanted to speak up, say that you didn’t want to let go yet. Just… hold on for a little longer. Maybe it’d get better if you guys just kept it going for another week. Another month. Another day?

 “What I’m trying to say is…”

You always hated this part.

“I think we should break up.”

Despite the older girl being the one to initiate the ending of the relationship, you always knew it was coming. Jimin was sweet, and you definitely did enjoy the little dates you guys had been on through the past year, but there was something missing. Every time she looked at you, it seemed like she was looking through your eyes into her own. Her mind was always elsewhere whenever you two were together, like she was searching for something you couldn’t provide. She never seemed to smile around you, never laughed loudly or hugged you with warmth. 

You really tried to be the person for her, you really did; but it was apparent that she was trying to convince herself you were the one as well.

It was shown in the way she bought you endless gifts with things you said you wanted, but never kissed you, In the way she would allow you to hold her hand, but never reached out herself, how she couldn’t bring herself to say “I love you” out loud. Jimin was cold.

You agreed that this was the best path to take, how you felt the exact same way and that it would be good for the both of you, but the tears that nonconsensually left your eyes said otherwise. You still remember the last words you told her before you got up to leave.

“I really hoped it was you.”

There's a saying or the other. “Your body will know if someone is right for you.” You came across it while aimlessly scrolling on social media once, and you thought it was an interesting but ridiculous concept. Countless people would share stories about how their hair would fall out or how they would break out into horrible acne when they were with their past partners, only being relieved from this when single or with their “match.”

It was funny, and you didn’t believe one bit of it until it actually happened. The tightness in your chest that followed you every time you two went out together, the stress of wondering if she actually enjoyed her company, the way you couldn’t truly relax in her presence– it all went away. It all left when she walked out of your life, and you’ve never felt more at peace with a decision. At least, for a little bit.

The breakup was the easy part. It was the recovery that ruined you.

You were the one to establish a rule of no contact, even after you both expressed wanting to stay in touch. It was your only way to hold on to the last sliver of pride you had left after spending a year chasing after Yu Jimin. The rule was established to allow you some time to heal, and you hoped to return to the girl as friends once you felt ready.

With this in mind, you then proceeded to spend a month barely eating, barely sleeping, and not leaving your apartment unless you needed to for classes. It was difficult to be on your own after dedicating so much time to her, falling behind, hoping that she would see you the way you saw her; but after about a month, you slowly felt yourself regaining your footing.

You started going out again, talking with your roommate, taking time to actually care for yourself. It was nice. Perhaps your progress would have left you comfortable enough to move on if you didn’t decide to go out that day.

There she was. Yu Jimin. After an exact 31 days of no contact with her, you finally cross paths. Quite literally, at that– but she wasn’t alone. There was a girl on her arm. She was pretty. Blonde with bobbed hair and a soft smile that made it impossible to hate her. Jimin was smiling too. This is the first time you’ve seen her smile like that, smiling as if she found what she was looking for after all of this time. She doesn't look past her. She sees her.

Jimin holds the other girl by the small of her waist the way she used to do with you, and she kisses her. She kissed her. Just like how she used to kiss you, but not exactly. There's love in her eyes. A warmth you’ve never seen before. In her eyes, there is certainty.

And that was the day your world came crashing down on top of you.

You tried to act normal as you walked past. You really did. Your eyes remain glued to your phone as your knuckles turn white. Her eyes didn’t even meet yours as you walked by. Why wouldn't she look at you? Maybe she's wondering why you won't look at her. That must be it. You hold your breath. As soon as she passed by, you couldn’t help yourself. You made the mistake of looking back.

…Nothing.

As soon as Jimin was out of sight, you cried. You ran home, scaring half the life out of your poor roommate, Xiaoting, as you collapsed in your bed. Everything hurts. Why did it hurt? You wanted this. You felt better without her— the tightness in your chest was gone. 

Instead, it was replaced by an indescribably painful ache. One that felt so deep within your soul it would never heal. Quietly entering your room, Xiaoting says nothing as she sits next to your limp body on the bed, rubbing your back comfortingly. The gesture only makes you sob even harder. 

She's been with you through it all. From the beginning of your relationship with Jimin till the end, she was there. Xiaoting really was a good friend.

From then on, Xiaoting’s one goal was simple: cheer you up. She would cook at least once for you every day despite not being the best chef, and she would allow you to rant about the same things over and over no matter how overbearing it got. Honestly, you started to feel a little bad. She shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for you just because you’re a little sad.

So when Xiaoting announces that you will be joining her at the bar with her friends tonight, you couldn't say no. Both because she stated it, not asked you, and that it simply was the least you could do for her. Especially after everything she’s done for you. Before you knew it, you were dressed up in your best (slutty) corset top and cargo pants with some hoops and over exaggerated makeup to accent the look. Xiaoting, as your best roommate and friend, matches with you, and you two make a big scene out of getting ready together; blasting music, doing each other's hair, borrowing each other's clothes, and more.

Xiaoting’s girlfriend Yujin had made herself at home for the pregame, and your mutual friend Hikaru soon followed. With Xiaoting as designated bartender, the four of you mingle, laughing and cracking jokes as the warmth of the alcohol and one another’s presence left you with a warming buzz. Xiaoting was an excellent mixer, and in combination with the chasers Hikaru bought and the drinking games Yujin proposed, you were all ready to go. 

Xiaoting and Yujin led the way, hand in hand as you and Hikaru trailed behind, drunkenly singing into the cold night air as you trek to the nearest bar.

Being a Friday night, the establishment had been as packed as expected, and you all squeezed your way past other visitors as you’re guided to a nearby table. Xiaoting starts off strong, ordering shots for the entire group before utilizing her combined charm alongside her girlfriend’s looks to convince guys to purchase drinks for everyone as well. You couldn’t help but laugh at the way the duo would bat their eyelashes innocently at lone men for drinks– but at least it worked.

Lazily, your eyes wander through the crowd, the alcohol in your system making it a struggle to see straight. Despite your inability to see properly, you still manage to catch a glimpse of your friends from the corner of your eye, and easily spot Yujin attempting to very publicly make out with Xiaoting as Hikaru struggles to pull her away. You stifle a laugh at the sight, and decide to leave the three to their antics whilst you look for someone to talk to.

It's been a while since you last struck up a conversation with a stranger. The last time you had put yourself out there was before you met… 

You shake your head. No. You are not letting your stupid ex ruin your night. Knitting your brows in concentration, you scan the bar. There were plenty of pretty girls to talk to, but you were feeling a little intimidated. Almost all of them came with at least one other person, and you didn’t want to intrude on anything…

 Your eyes landed on a lone blonde at the end of the table, scrolling through her phone with alcohol flushed cheeks. She seemed approachable. Worst case scenario, she simply shoos you off. Taking a deep breath, you approach the blonde, deciding to pull out your best conversation starter.

“Are you chinese? You look chinese!!” You exclaim, suddenly switching to mandarin in the middle of your sentence as you ask the question. Smooth.

The blonde girl looks as if she would’ve been extremely offended at the comment if you didn't just speak to her in her native tongue halfway through your sentence, and she quirks a brow at you, an amused smirk on her lips as she leans against the bar. 

“Yeah, I am! What's a cutie like you doing in a place like this alone??” 

You feel your heart begin to race. So far so good. “I'm not alone!!! My friends are just busy making out with each other and the other is trying to stop them!!” You also lean on the bar, though not as alluring as the blonde before you. More like you partially collapsed and partially slid on it.

She chortles at your response, “well that's not fair to you, leaving you here all alone.”

The sweet and somewhat sultry tone of the blonde makes (non alcohol induced) blush appear on your face as you laugh, “it really isn't! But whatever! My name is y/n by the way!! What's yours??” You scream over the music, sticking your hand out. It was an unexpectedly polite gesture considering your circumstances, and perhaps it may have seemed a bit comical as well with how drunk you were.

She giggles at the response, grabbing your hand then pulling you in, her lips dangerously close to your ear as she yells over the music, “Ning Yizhuo. But call me Ningning! It's cuter!”

You grin. Ningning was a cute nickname. You decided at this very moment you could trust this cute stranger with your life story and personal information she didn’t ask for, and begin to slur out.

“My friends dragged me out here because I was sad over my ex who moved on from me a month after the breakup even though we dated for a year and she's a big jerk for that even though I wish only the best for her but also I hope she dies!!!”

None of the words you spoke just now came out clear, and they seemed to trip over one another when leaving your mouth, but it was enough for the other girl to go from extremely relaxed to suddenly very heated. She stands up straight as her eyebrows knit together.

“To be honest I don’t think she ever really liked me in the first place! I don’t know!! Whatever it doesn’t matter!!!” You continue on, sounding absolutely pathetic as you let yourself feel through the anger you didn’t even know you were repressing, “I was stupid to stay with someone who couldn’t even look me in the eye when saying she loved me!! She was stupid to do the same!! Whatever!! I don’t know!!”

Ningning cuts you off with a raised hand before you can continue, “what the hell?! I hate people like that!!  You're wayyyy too hot to be treated that way! Who is she? What's her name?? I might know her!!”

Against your better drunken judgment, you decide to name drop your ex within a university bar. Because that is always a good idea. “Yu Jimin!! She's a engineering major !!!”

Ningning’s jaw drops as she stares at you, almost as if she were trying to find the correct words for what she has to say next.

“Girl, I know her !!!” She screams out after a brief moment of silence,  “we shared a class together once!! Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't know she was like that!! You deserve BETTER!” 

Before you could even think of what to say in reaction to that heavy load of information, Ningning grabs your face, pulling you into a kiss. It was a very messy one, her lips almost missing your own during the exchange. Seems like she's not entirely sober either. 

Still, even in your drunken state you knew what to do. Your hands immediately find Ningnings hair as you pull her in closer, and you can feel her smiling as she grazes her tongue over the bottom of your lip. 

You open your mouth to let her in and the only thing that you can think of or even feel for that matter is Ningning and her tongue. She… was really good at this. Jimin never kissed you like this before. Her hands trail down your back to your ass before she squeezes it, smirking when you squirm against her touch.

She breaks the kiss, her face inches away from yours as she breathes out, “you deserve so much better…” Ningning gives you a quick peck on the lips before stepping back, taking in her work with a devilish glint in her eyes. You stare at her dumbfounded for a moment before whipping out your phone, fully talking in your appearance. Your hair and makeup were a wreck. How did all of that happen just now?

“Done by yours truly~” Ningning winks at you, quickly slipping your phone out of your hand and typing something in.

“Wh— Wait what are you doing?”

“Giving you my number, obviously. My girls are gonna wonder where I went.” She hands back your phone and looks at you with soft eyes through her drunken daze. 

“Take care of yourself, yeah?” Ningning kisses you one last time, giving your hand a squeeze before letting go. She disappears into the crowd of partygoers, a sly fox-like grin on her face.

“There you are!” 

You feel an arm land on your shoulder as you jump, twirling around and looking down to see a drunk Hikaru with a slightly less drunk Xiaoting and an absolutely hammered Yujin on her side.

“We should probably head back home!” Xiaoting screams into your ear, “Hikaru’s gonna knock out on the couch and Yujin will be with me!”

Her words barely make it through to you, the music and the alcohol and the adrenaline within your system muffling out every word spoken. Regardless, you still nod and trail behind your friends as you leave, not all too sure what just happened.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You lay in bed, eyes practically burning holes into the new contact in your phone. “宁宁<3” is what it said. 

So last night wasn’t just a dream. You really did just get a girl's number by doing nothing but spilling your secrets to a stranger. On top of all of that, your head was absolutely killing you, you swore you could feel your heartbeat within your brain. Still, that wasn’t important. Biting your lip, your fingers hover over the contact name. Should you message her? 

y/n [10:59]  — hey !! its y/n, the girl from the bar

y/n [10:59]  — thanks for keeping me company last night :)

ningning [11:06]  — i was wondering if u were gonna text me back

ningning [11:06] — and of course <3 jimin doesn’t know what she lost

y/n [11:08] — haha im flattered

y/n [11:08]  — but u barely know me??

ningning [11:11]  — that can change xx

Your eyes widen as you reread the text over and over again. Is she implying what you think she's implying? What if she's just being friendly? Can you even platonically make out with someone at the bar?

y/n [11:16] — are u asking me out on a date ning yizhuo ?

You wait. 

Oh god. What if she was just being friendly?

ningning [11:18]  — only if youll have me 

You feel yourself blush at her message, burying your face into your pillow as you squeal like a high school teenager in love. It was embarrassing in hindsight, but.. it felt nice to be wanted. 

y/n [11:19] —  of course

ningning [11:19] — perfect <3 

ningning [11:20] — dinner at my place tonight then? 

ningning [11:20] — If youre not too hungover.. 

ningning [11:20] — i got the best hangover cures ;)

you can't help but arch your eyebrow at the winky face she added at the end but brushed it off, more focused on the fact that your drunk hatred towards your ex landed you a date. 

You scramble to your feet and (metaphorically) kick down Xiaoting’s door, abruptly waking the girl from her nap as she screams out, “WO CAO!” She places a hand over her heart as she bolts up within her bed, immediately letting out a sigh of relief when she realizes it was just you. 

“Girl what the HELL is wrong with you?!” She hisses, laying back down and throwing the blanket over her head.

You, being the ever loving and best roommate ever, respond to this by jumping into bed with (on top of) the redhead and squeezing her as tight as you can while screaming “I HAVE A DATE!!!”

Xiaoting shoots back up, your arms still latched onto her torso as she looks down at you, eyes wide. “Wait, are you serious?”

You hear a low groan and a hand slapping your arm as you roll your eyes, slapping the arm back as the voice of Yujin grumbles out and shuffles deeper within the sheets.

Both you and Xiaoting look at one another and giggle before she quietly slips out of bed, quickly placing a kiss on Yujins head before grabbing your arm and leading you out of her room. Once outside, she firmly grasps your shoulders. 

“Okay, now tell me everything.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You nervously stand outside of Ningnings apartment, bag clutched in hand as you look back behind you. Xiaoting sat within her car on the side of the road, keeping an eye on you to make sure this girl wasn’t going to kidnap you or the other.

The two of you (and soon enough Yujin and Hikaru) had spent the day giving you pointers on how to go about the date. They had thrown an ungodly amount of clothes your way as well as telling you endless conversation starters and compliments to give another person. By the end of it all your head was overflowing with information that you were going to forget as soon as you head out the door, and all of your closet was sprawled on your bedroom floor and in the living room. Still, the girls seemed quite proud of their work.

All of you had consecutively agreed on an outfit that was nice, but not too nice. You wore a plaid skirt paired with a simple tank top and an off the shoulder cardigan.

Holding your breath, you ring the doorbell. You really hoped this wasn’t a mistake. When was the last time you were actually on a date with someone? You couldn't remember. After a few moments of silence, you hear shuffling followed by the door unlocking and Ningning poking her head out shyly. Her eyes light up at the sight of you before opening the door completely, revealing her outfit.

She wore an oversized plaid button up, unintentionally matching with your skirt alongside baggy jeans and some bunny slippers you thought were incredibly cute. Her hair was tied up in a messy but charming bun, held up by a hair stick with small gemstones dangling from the end.

This Ningning was completely different from the one you had met at the bar last night. Though, you suppose you were a different person now as well.

“You're here! Come in come in!” She grabs your hand and guides you inside. Flustered, you spare a quick glance behind you, and you can spot the silhouette of Xiaoting throwing a thumbs up from her car before Ningning closes the door behind you.

“You look gorgeous today, by the way,” Ningning compliments, her thumb rubbing over your fingers as she walks you through her apartment. The gesture makes your cheeks warm, and you find yourself easing into her touch like putty. It was a touch that was loving. Kind. Intentional. 

Her home was cozy, with white walls paired alongside warm lighting and paintings and other wall art lining the interior. There was an appetizing aroma that wafted through the air, and you had remembered that Ningning had offered to cook for you.

“What have you prepared for us tonight, chef Ningning?” You ask, squeezing her hand as she grins, “Well it's not much, I'm not a really good cook but I decided to make us some dumplings! A little basic, but it's the only dish I feel like I’ve actually perfected.”

“I hope this is the hangover cure you mentioned” you comment lightheartedly, and you sense a playful energy in the way she looks back at you.

“You'll find out soon enough.”

You once again find yourself quirking a brow at her vague answers, but she simply smiles at you innocently and you find yourself smiling back. It was hard to not be amused by her.

Ningning guides you to the kitchen, which was cleaned perfectly for your arrival. On the center of the table were multiple bamboo steamer baskets, as well as a large tea pot and a simple glass bottle with various native wildflowers as a centerpiece. 

The other girl pulls out a chair for you, and you teasing grin at the polite gesture, “how romantic, Ninging~”

She rolls her eyes and giggles before settling down herself, instantaneously pouring you a cup of tea as she gestures at the baskets, “go on, dig in. I’ll be personally offended if you don’t.”

Chuckling, you open up the baskets, releasing clouds of steam before revealing multiple handmade dumplings with various fillings and differing folding styles. Your eyes widen, and you simply comment, “wow,” before taking the first bite of the food.

To say that it tasted amazing was an understatement– you practically felt like you were thrown back to the motherland with a single bite, and it wasn’t long before you were filling your plate with more.

The two of you had spent the rest of the evening getting to know one another more. You had learned she was a computer science major and going onto her third year of uni, as well as the fact she was from Harbing whilst you shared that you were from Shanghai. 

“Big city girl, huh?” Ningning amusedly comments, sipping on her tea as you roll your eyes, “yeah… But I'm not rich or anything before you ask.”

The blonde feigns rejection as she snaps her fingers, “damn. I was gonna ask you to buy drinks next time we head to the bars, I think you owe me. ” She smiles at you, and it's warm.

You liked this. You liked how easy it was to talk to her. It was never this easy before.

Soon enough you had ended up on Ningning’s couch, browsing through movies aimlessly as the hefty meal threatened to send you into a food coma. The blonde lay comfortably in your arms underneath a blanket, her eyes occasionally fluttering shut as you continued to search for something to watch.

“Hmm, what about… Velocipastor?” The name completely throws you off guard, prompting you to click on it, skimming over the description as you feel the vibration of Ninging lazily humming beneath you. 

“Oh that movie is really good, trust me.”

“... Really? Are you sure, Ning?”

“Yeah yeah…” Her eyes were already shut as she spoke, nuzzling in closer to you as you chuckle, putting on the movie as you wrap your arms around her, pulling her in closer. 

Honestly, the movie seemed to be an excuse for the girl to be physically close to you– maybe get a nap in? You weren’t even sure if she was watching the movie at this point. Still, maybe it was for the best. Velocipastor was definitely not well funded within its production, that much could be seen. Plus, you couldn't complain about having a cute girl in your arms.

“Does your head still hurt?”

Ningning’s soft voice rings out, startling you. Honestly, you were getting pretty invested in the film, you had thought she already fell asleep.

“Mmm, a little. I don’t think your hangover cure worked.”

“Oh, the dumplings weren’t the cure.”

Your head cocks to the side as you tear your gaze away from the tv screen, looking down at the girl nestled on your chest as she looks back up at you. There was that all too familiar glint in her eyes again.

“Then what is?”

A mischievous grin curls on her lips before she leans in, connecting her lips with yours. Still a bit sluggish from the night before alongside a hefty meal, her kissing was a bit sloppy, but it was soft. Much softer than before.

You feel yourself almost immediately sigh into the kiss, and you would have found it embarrassing if she didnt guide her hand up your chest, to your neck, and into your hair, soon deepening the kiss. 

Not expecting things to escalate so soon, you couldn’t help but let out a soft whimper as your hands landed on her hips, nails digging into her sides desperately as she laughs against your lips, pulling back. 

“You’re really cute, y’know?” She purrs, using her hand to brush a strand of hair out of your face, and you can see the hint of pink spread across her lips as she smiles, drinking in the sight of you.

Before you even have a chance to respond, Ningning tackles your jawline, trailing kisses down your face and onto your neck. You try to respond, but when she starts to nip the side of your neck, the words you wanted to say somehow managed to melt into complete mush.

“Mmhmmhgh…” 

The sound that escapes your lips allows you the chance to actually feel embarrassed, and you slam a hand over your lips, looking away from Ninging. Your response elicits another laugh from the blonde, and you swear you could listen to the sound forever. 

Her symphony soon quiets though, and Ningning looks you straight in the eye, her gaze softening as she opens her mouth, struggling to find the right words to say.

“Look, I know we just met…” she trails off for a moment, almost a bit shy to continue, “but if you want to give me a chance and see where this goes, I promise I’ll treat you so well.” 

Her eyes are filled with genuine desire for you, and you couldn’t help but feel… Isolated? Targetted? For the first time you feel like you’re seen, and you don’t know what to do about it.

She presses on, “I’d really like to see you again, and I know you’re going through a lot right now but I want to be there with you every step of the way. I want to see where this takes us.”

“I want you, y/n.”

Your face heats up instantaneously, and you swear your eyes were threatening to bulge out of your skull right then and there. You look at her in silence as you struggle to find your words, and after a few seconds you finally croak out,

“I… I want to see where this takes us too, Ningning.”

Her eyes brighten at your response, and she beams, pulling you into a tight hug on the couch before interlocking her lips with yours once again. You giggle into the kiss, and throw the blanket over the two of you as the movie on the tv buzzed on. For the first time, you found someone warm enough for you.

[tbhyknow2]

SAKURA AS YOUR BOYFRIEND!

notes﹒ related to him too bad, accidentally fell in love and now we're here. (headcanons)

contents and warnings﹒ fluff, slight ooc!sakura, the most tamest writing i have ever wrote so. doesn't need any warnings. (still pretty new to windbre so!!)

› return to nav?

✦ Somehow, some way, you became his lover! His first partner, may I add, because we all know this boy hasn't been into the romance scene before.

✦ He's still a bit of a tsundere when it comes to showing his care for someone, but when it comes to you, he tries hard to show how much he loves you, in his own little way.

✦ Might ask other people around him on how to treat you right, but will get defensive immediately when they tease him about it. Thinks he's also real subtle about it too.

✦ Walks you home, so no body messes with you. If he's feeling brave, he'll even put an arm 'round your shoulder to let people know that you're his— Not in a possessive way, more like "If you rock their shit, I'll rock yours ten times." wayn

✦ Also glares at anyone he deems suspicious or stares a bit too long.

✦ Shares his food sometimes, even though he's grumbling and complaining while he does so. It's a bit cute, seeing him push his food to you and looking away, so you don't see his flustered face. Will yell at you if you tease him and threaten to take back his offer.

✦ Easily flustered and jumpy, especially when you do something that makes his heart skip a beat... which is everything you do. Little guy gets so mesmerized when you smile at him so warmly, call his name with so much excitement and love, or even when you're tending to his injures or doing your own thing.

✦ He yells and shouts a lot whenever you do it in public though, but behind closed doors, he's surprisingly calm and just watches you.

✦ Lovingly calls you insulting nicknames because he's just into that 'lovely dovey shit' or as he puts it. And it just feels more natural to his character. He tries though, terribly, but it's the thought that counts.

✦ There are some times where his own insecurities come bubbling up again, afraid that you'll leave him and find someone who's less brash and more gentle... But it goes away when he sees you being so happy around him and all he could focus on is how much his heart is swelling that he felt like it'll explode.

✦ If you ever try to scold him for being careless, he'll complain and brush you off, but will actually start listening to you. Whether by his own will or subconsciously.

✦ At random moments when he suddenly thinks of you, he suddenly turns red and freezes up on the spot. You have that effect on him, even when you're not around.

✦ Whenever you gift him something, he'll probably start at him for a while. He doesn't know how to react when someone gives him something, especially out of love and affection. Would probably have a heart attack on the spot.

✦ All the gifts you give him (actual materials like clothes, accessories, etc.) are kept well and safe. Jewelry? He keeps patting it where he has it hanging on to ensure its still there, takes it off or tucks it inside his clothes when he goes on a fight. Clothes? Might get a little dirty, but will (try) wash it until it's all pristine. If anyone rips it, he'll give them the worst kind of hell.

[lina-studen]

"something floral": literature student blabbering about the usage of flower symbolism in "nevermore", how it ties to the theme of insanity and a little bit (a lot) about shakespeare.

from lenore's perspective, flowers are closely associated with isolation caused by her trauma and supposed "hysteria". floral pattern wallpaper accompanied her loneliness for days, months, even years. image of the flowers signaled that lenore's position would remain unchanged, that she was stuck, that she would continue to slowly loosing the clarity of her mind.

having torn the wallpaper off the walls, lenore believes that she will never see this image again, but flowers continue to accompanying her. lenore sees them again during her first meeting with annabel lee. and during the last one, too. she may have managed to get out of her lonely room, gain more strength in her legs, find a new friend, but lenore is still trapped. she's the daughter disowned by her parents, a stain on the family reputation that must be hidden forever. the image of flowers doesn't let her forget about it.

similar symbolism is also not alien to annabel lee. episode 66 is interesting in particular, because it directly quotes ophelia's monologue. I'm a big fan of shakespeare, it was he who instilled in me an interest in floral symbolism. a year ago, for a conference on foreign literature, I wrote an article about flower language of "hamlet". it's not available in english, but I'll list down some points that I considered relevant regarding "nevermore".

• rosemary can serve as a keepsake between lovers and also between the dead and the living. it could be seen at both weddings and funerals. in the old days it was also believed to be helpful in mental illnesses treatment.

• pansies, just like violets, symbolize innocence and devotion. ophelia doesn't consider the people around her worthy of violets, since she blames them for the death of her father.

• rue is a symbol of eternal suffering; grieving over her murdered father and the loss of her beloved hamlet, ophelia leaves some of the flowers for herself.

• the image of daisies has a close connection with the concepts of innocence, fidelity and eternal love. in shakespeare's tragedy, this symbol is overshadowed by the fact that in the world around ophelia there's no place for these beautiful things. for "nevermore" the symbol is also not so positive, since the readers are already familiar with daisies. they were on that wallpaper in lenore's room.

it's impossible not to note that annabel lee recites the monologue while in the bath, in the water. ophelia decides not to resist the river flow. her life turned into a tragedy: she was left without a father, her lover has seemingly lost his mind. her own sanity is also called into question. ophelia sings cryptic songs, goes into the field to weave a wreath, gives flowers to other characters. in the eyes of those around them, hamlet and ophelia seem crazy, while being the only sane and honest people among them. there's no place for tender, innocent ophelia in a cruel, deceitful world, so she drowns.

annabel lee also reflects on how both she and lenore are considered madwomen. her meeting with "leo" is accompanied by floral pattern on the annabel's dress. their madness is contextual, they both are perfectly sane, but don't fit into the system that could be leading to real madness with time. "all madwomen die twice. at least twice".

now about the arboretum. it obviously has a lot of flowers, but in my opinion this place is interesting in a different context. lenore and annabel visited the arboretum twice to discuss upcoming plans and such, and there are many parallels, both visual and narrative. not much time has passed since last time, but their situation has changed. they seem to look on their past selves from the upper level, having their conflict more acute now. I'll make a more detailed post about it later.

and now I'll just focus on how the characters in this arboretum full of roses behave as lost and confused as in the phobia-inducing flower labyrinth from earlier episodes. “the closer you get to beautiful flowers, the closer you get to their thorns,” says duke in episode 38. the flower imagery haunting the main characters doesn't let them forget that their sanity is always on a verge of slipping. and once a flower falls from its stem, it cannot be fixed.

p.s. guess which writer’s works I chose for a new article this year?

[a-bright-comet]

Jade Shadows Thoughts

(NOTICE: I have edited this post after a few days and many lovely replies and tags giving me more insight and opinions, overall my view of this quest has gotten a lot more positive, thank you all <3) okaaayyyy I am utterly rattled rn lmao also made the mistake of looking at tumblr after doing the quest and as expected it seems to be a 50/50 of hating or loving it. so here are my personal thoughts, I am a little scared but talk seems to be civil thankfully. I can definitely agree on the sentiment that this quest needed more time, cause let's be honest the people hating this quest wouldn't be jumping to the things they're jumping to if Jade herself got more screen-time before the big drop, warframe's style has always been vague and never 100% straight-forward and I think that unfortunately hurt it a bit this time, as what they didn't show came off wrong to many people and while I sorta see why I disagree on some parts. I also feel like the quest kinda got a bit *too* hyped both by DE and the fanbase's theories, way too short, it deserved and needed to be a bit longer for it's special narrative. Jade kinda got a weird spot, both being the main focus alongside Stalker but also hardly explored. But let's be honest, most of the negativity is caused by this outside-circumstance alone. Now, what I absolutely disagree with is people insisting that DE was trying to say "bodily autonomy bad" or that Stalker didn't care about her and only the child, thing is I thought it was pretty fucking clear that she *wanted* the child in what little was shown and she was going to die no matter the outcome (thanks to the orokin to absolutely no one's surprise) and Stalker in his guilt for all she's done for him wanted to make sure that he at least kept this one promise to Her, cause She wanted it. she still had bodily autonomy in the fact She wanted this, she wanted the child no matter what. and she wanted stalker to protect her and the kid. And he did, like a true loving partner. DE has a long track record of being very autonomy-positive. A point they make time and time again is that ripping it away is *bad* and horrifying, the quest is a bittersweet tragedy, not a horror. Honestly there would be 0 issue if DE had given us a Jade-only quest before this one, I personally would've preferred it as well, she's cool as hell she deserves it. who knows maybe DE will see all of this and make prequel quests? we can only hope. I do not want to assume the worst of anyone or anything cause that's a miserable existence. Look I personally enjoyed the quest and get the feeling whoever wrote it did it out of some personal experience or sorrow, that's at least the vibe I got. It's a tragedy, but her choice was seen till the end, many women choose to still have a child despite knowing they won't make it, many also don't, that's why choice is important. and she did, she chose her child that she was having while likely forcibly infested and turned into a warframe. (also remember there are women on the team who likely looked at this.) there are some other iffy parts of the quest, (really should've been the drifter instead of the operator if they were gonna do that, but that's personal discomfort.) but overall I enjoyed it and open to explore the implications of a born-warframe-child and Stalker healing as they both grow together. These are my thoughts, and I can understand why people like or dislike this quest, but I think it's fine and just ended up in a very unfortunate spot due to outside circumstances beyond it's control. (sorry if any of this comes off as aggressive it is not my intention despite how riled I am by some folk online, I disagree with you but I do not hate you, I don't even know you.)

Her choice, His promise, Their light.

Thank you for reading my first ever text post about something I care about, not sure I'll be doing this again any time soon out of anxiety lol (Edit: and thanks to everyone responding to this post wonderfully, ya'll are great and have lessened my anxiety and have made me appreciate this quest more <3)

[shiny-kaibernyte]

I immediately gave you a follow since you wrote Drayton content. Toothpaste man!!!

Anyways, I love drama. I like the idea of Drayton pining after the reader while also making Kieran jealous 😭😭 could you write something like that??

Please take care of yourself btw! You write wonderful content!

We love our toothpaste man! And I'm so glad you like my stuff. This is so sweet of you and such an amazing request as well I would love to do this for you! I really do hope you like this 💜💜

Side note: I got a shiny Popplio when I read your request so I named it Cloudy as a little nod to you whenever I play.

Pokémon Scarlett and Violet Indigo Disk DLC Spoilers ahead!

A rivalry between the Dragon Elite four members and the Champion of the BB League turns into much more than just a race for Pokémon battles. When Drayton just wants to take you out on a date, Kieran's jealousy comes out to play, only pushing Drayton's goal to win your heart more.

SPOILER WARNING AHEAD (Indigo Disk Main Story and a little bit of The Teal Mask)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Dragon’s Heart | Drayton x Reader

“Awe, come on~ just one date!” Drayton innocently pleaded, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His eyes staring down at you whilst you scribbled down notes from your previous shiny hunt. 

You shook your head with a cheeky smile on your face, as you continued to scribble, “And my response will remain the same Drayton, a cafeteria chat is not a date! Maybe I'll say yes when you think of something creative, hm?”

“I’m creative! The cafeteria is just easy, it's not too noisy since everyone eats out in the terrarium! Plus free food!” He joked, attempting to make it sound appealing, even though he knows it's not good. Unfortunately, his brain can’t think of anything good enough, at least for him. Everything he’s thought of, he doesn’t think is good enough for you. And he’s thought of a lot. “I can help you out with your shiny notes, you know~ maybe even join you on a hunt!”

“Drayton, you don’t know the first thing about shiny hunting, let alone actually joining me on one.” You sighed jokingly, looking up at him as you closed your notebook, “If I remember correctly, didn’t you fail a shiny Pokémon?”

His face turned slightly red, embarrassment washing over him for a moment as he grumbled to himself, “Hey I thought the Axew was sick… It’s not my fault I didn't know the Axew was going to run from me!”

“You threw a berry at its head!” You exclaimed, lightly chuckling when you saw his embarrassed face. “And you call yourself the Dragon expert” 

His embarrassment turned into laughter as he thought about how stupid that was, the pair of you laughing together with bright smiles on your faces.

Your laughter didn’t go unnoticed however, from across the room, Kieran's eyes glared into Drayton. The sound of you laughing along with him only fuels Kieran's desire to be the best. But the jealousy was too strong for him to focus with the two of you laughing. “If you two are finished chirping like Starly’s over there, Drayton, you have a battle in five minutes. I suggest you get going.”

“Relax Kieran, I got plenty of time bud! Besides, it's unlikely they will be on time, it takes a while to prepare for a battle against one of us. So my opponent can take as long as he needs to!” Drayton argued with a hint of playfulness in his voice as Kieran gritted his teeth. A small smile crept on your face when you heard Drayton’s response, that was something you always admired about him. His patients was contagious, never rushing anyone into anything, always trying to make someone smile. Sure he has his moments of cockiness but that just adds to his character, every Dragon has a bite after all.

“Spoken like a true Elite, Drayton!” You chimed, standing up from the sofa. Drayton’s face turned a light pink, his heart lightly thumping. Surprised at himself that something so simple made him blush. His dragon heart only making more room for you.

Kieran's heart pounded in rage at your words, annoyed over the fact you were saying those words to Colgate and not him. Eventually, he puts on his no fudges given face and turns towards you both fully. “If you want to remain as the top Elite four members, Drayton, I'd get to your battle. I still have the power to remove you from this club.”

“Alright Alright! I’m going!” Drayton sighs, raising his hands in defeat. Kieran shook his head displeased as Drayton stretched his arms up, a sigh leaving his mouth before turning back to you. “So about that date… How about instead, as a warm-up, you come watch my battle as my special guest? That way, it’s not our official first date and I still get to spend time with you.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, trying to see where he’s going with this and what extra little plan he has going on inside that head of his. Until he raises a hand up for you to take, a genuine smile on his face as he patiently waits for your decision. With a bright smile, you take his hand, “I think that is a fair deal.”

“Have fun moping, Kieran!” Drayton yells as he gently pulls you along with him towards the door. Kieran had steam coming off his body as he watched the pair of you leave, and not just from Drayton’s response. A smirk appeared on Drayton’s face when he saw the jealousy in Kieran’s eyes. 

Soon his focus returned to the matter at hand, and he smiled at you, pushing and holding the door open for you as he guided you through it, “After you sweetheart~”

[maximoffcarter]

It'll be okay.

Pairings: Emily Prentiss x reader.

Warnings: Mentions of COVID.

Summary: Emily Prentiss was known to always taking care of her team, taking full responsibility of everything, taking the blame, making sure they were okay, etc. But, it was true that she never let anyone know the hard time she was having, that was until y/n entered her life.

A/n: This was requested by anon, and gotta say I dunno if this is even good but I wrote what I felt was right. It’s angst with comfort and fluff😌 I added some backstory cause why nooooot? I mostly based this on the first episode, and maybe after the season ends, I'll do a better one, but I believe this was good enough for now haha. Our baby really does need some comfort and a goddamn break🥹 I also did not proof read this, I never do until it's too late haha, so my apologies. Hope you guys enjoy this, leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻

*not my gif*

COVID had definitely taken a toll on the BAU, not only had the world stopped but a lot of things had happened then. People died, people left, the world entirely changed, and there was no stopping, no one could actually stop it. Emily Prentiss had tried to make it work, to make things a little easier as she tried to focus on her job every single day, drowning in paperwork, zoom meetings, not being able to freely do what they were so used on doing, it had been a hard year. Not only that, but the fact that her breakup had been so messy, but that was the least of all the other things she was going through. Emily thought it couldn’t have gone worse, but then y/n was very present in her life. It was funny the day where it all had gone down.

It was the end of the most painful and difficult year, 2021 was about to arrive, just a week for the so awaited new year. And it so happened that on Christmas day, Emily had gotten COVID. She was in complete denial of being sick, more so because she needed to work, and she also had nothing to help her with the undeniable symptoms; the unbearable headache and body ache, the obvious fever, the terrible cold that her body felt, the stupid and annoying coughing and the stupid stuffed nose. Yes, there was no denial she was sick, but of course she wouldn’t admit how bad it was. But that didn’t stop y/n from going into action and deciding to go to Emily. Emily had been on the phone with her a few hours earlier, and when y/n noticed how bad this had gotten, she couldn’t stop herself from getting everything she needed and off to Emily’s house she was.

“What…on earth are you doing h-here.” Emily was interrupted with a cough, her hand soon landing on her chest as she felt the horrible pain as she coughed.

“I’m here to take care of you. Go to the living room, need to keep our distance.” Y/n said softly as she adjusted her face mask, getting a bottle of spray out.

Emily furrowed her brows but went ahead to the living room, soon enough grabbing a face mask and turning back to look at y/n. “I’m fine, you don’t have to stay here.”

“Oh, but I do. We’re close to get the vaccine, I cannot have you stopping at the hospital just because you were too stubborn to accept that you’re really sick.” Y/n sprayed the whole area where Emily had just been, and then turned to look at her with a raised brow. “Okay, here’s what we’ll do. You stay in your room, I’ll sleep on the couch, you can only use your room and bathroom. I’ll be bringing you food and medication, already talked to a doctor. If we don’t see any progress, we’ll have to go to the hospital, which I hope, you’ll cooperate, Prentiss.”

Emily just stared at her, a bit surprised on how y/n had become so bossy, but she also couldn’t blame her, knowing perfectly well that she’d probably die on her own. “Got it. I will.”

Y/n nodded. “Good, now I’ll go disinfect your room first. You stay here while I do that, no touching anything anymore. Though, I will clean here too.”

Emily couldn’t help the small smile that spread through her face as she nodded, thankful that the face mask was covering it. “Got it boss.”

Y/n grinned softly as she nodded. “Good, I’ll be right back. Bed stuff?”

“Closet, second drawer, and the blankets are on top.”

Emily would be lying if she said she wasn’t happy to have y/n here. Ever since y/n joined the team, somehow, they had become inseparable, even if she tried to get her to work with the whole team, before she even thought about it, she was already saying that y/n would go with her, and of course, that didn’t go unnoticed by Tara, JJ and Penelope, but they never mentioned anything, even more when Emily ended up with a boyfriend. That of course till this day, Emily thought so much about how she had forced herself to actually like someone just so she wouldn’t feel so alone. But the one person she had actually wanted…had been y/n. And now having her here, willing to take care of her even if she knew there was a risk that she could get sick, it was everything for Emily.

Emily slowly opened her eyes as she heard her door opening. She looked up and smiled softly as she noticed y/n walking in with a tray of food. “Hey. Did I sleep a lot?”

Y/n looked at Emily and smiled, carefully putting the tray of food on the nightstand. “For like an hour and a half. It’s good that you’re sleeping.” She grabbed the thermometer and placed it on Emily’s forehead. She sighed relieved and offered a small smile. “It’s coming down, finally.”

Emily smiled. “And the headache is not as bad.”

“No, Prentiss. I will not leave, it’s good you’re getting better but no way I’m leaving in the next few days.” Y/n raised her brow as she placed back the thermometer in its place.

“I was not going to say anything about that.” Emily chuckled softly. “Just…thank you.” She smiled softly as she sat on her bed.

Y/n nodded softly. “You welcome.” She smiled as she looked at Emily. “So…I ordered some groceries for tomorrow, we’ll have our own Christmas celebration.”

Emily’s heart stopped for a moment, her eyes widening. “Oh my…tomorrow is Christmas! Y/n, you shouldn’t be here. I’m sure you have-“

“Ah, stop.” Y/n grinned softly. “I have nothing to do, and I wouldn’t want to spend my Christmas any differently. What better way to celebrate it than with a sick Emily Prentiss? Such a great gift.” She chuckled softly as she grabbed the tray and placed it on Emily’s legs.

Emily’s heart swelled as she stared at y/n, a small smile on her face. “If you say so.”

“I do say so.” Y/n smiled softly. “Eat that, I’ll bring your medication.”

Emily watched her leave and her smile widened even more. All these years, she had been taking care of herself, not letting anyone in because she knew how that’d end up. She had never liked to be taken care of, but she loved to make sure that her loved ones were always good taken care of. So now, y/n doing all of this…it made her realize that maybe, just maybe…she did feel the same way.

********************

Emily groaned softly as she stretched, slowly opening her eyes to the sound of a groan and then a small whisper. As she looked up, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes, she furrowed her brows as she noticed y/n moving a small table and placing it in the middle of the door. She tilted her head in curiosity as a small, silly smile spread across her face. “What are you doing?”

Y/n looked up at Emily and smiled, her cheeks turning slightly red. “Oh uh…moving a table?”

“And…leaving it right in the middle of the door?” Emily raised her brow.

“Okay don’t laugh but…I thought this could be a way for us to have Christmas lunch together.”

Emily’s face softened as she stared at her, her cheeks turning red and not for the fever. She grinned softly. “Charming.”

“I tend to be.” Y/n grinned softly. “Grab your chair and I’ll bring the food.”

Emily smiled softly and did just as she was told, grabbing the chair that was just might the closet and sitting down in front of the table. She smiled softly as y/n came back with a chair for herself and started brought Emily her plate already with food and her drink. They ate together and right after they talked about everything but work, laughing as they told old stories about themselves and even some stories with the team. Y/n was fascinated just listening to Emily talk, loving that she had chosen the idea of spending Christmas with her, and that Emily had allowed her to take care of her. As for Emily, even if she was tired, she was enjoying every moment she was spending with y/n. As she watched her talk, she kept wondering in her mind if she was right or she was wrong about her suspicions, smiling softly without even noticing.

Y/n furrowed her brows and tilted her head as she stared at Emily. “What?” She hugged a chuckle.

“What?” Emily snapped out of her trance. “Oh! No, nothing. I’m sorry.”

Y/n chuckled. “You should get back to bed and sleep, I’ll clean up and wake you up for your pills.”

“Wait!” Emily coughed, grabbing her glass of water, and taking a deep breath afterwards. “I uh…have a question.”

“Yes?”

Emily took a deep breath, feeling her body still pretty much aching and getting all warm. “Why are you doing this?”

Y/n furrowed her brows again. “I…because I didn’t want you to be alone, Em.”

“Is that the only reason?” Emily raised her brow, a small smile on her face.

Y/n tilted her head as she smiled shyly, looking down at her glass. “Well…I don’t wanna get fired after what I have to say.”

“Which is?”

“You’re a profiler, Em. Isn’t it obvious?” Y/n blushed slightly as she looked back at her. “I…care a lot about you. Which means…that I like you…a lot.” She whispered softly as she nibbled on her lip.

Emily smiled softly as she nodded, tilting her head. “And you’re also a profiler, y/n. Isn’t it obvious?”

Y/n’s eyes widened slightly as she stared at Emily. “Wait…are you serious?”

“If I wasn’t sick and this table wasn’t in the middle of us, I’d be kissing you right now.” Emily smirked softly.

Y/n’s lips parted slightly as she stared at Emily, a soft smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Is the fever making you talk?”

Emily laughed softly, coughing afterwards, and placing her hand on her chest. “No, no…I’m…I’m serious.” She smiled.

“We’re gonna check back once you’re not sick.” Y/n grinned. “But for now…this could be considered our first date.”

“And I’d like to take you in a second date…next year.” Emily joking as she grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re so funny, Prentiss. But I accept.” She smiled softly.

Emily laughed softly as she nodded, feeling her heart beating faster as y/n kept staring at her with that beautiful smile on her face. After all, there was something good out of this pandemic.

********************

It wasn’t new that y/n saw Emily drowning in work, not after all the changed that the BAU had over the years. Having JJ back had at least eased things, but Rossi losing his wife, not having Penelope around, a whole new case that fell into their lap, Bailey not helping at all, Emily was losing her mind. But once she had most of her team back, including Penelope, things didn’t seem to be so bad…until they were, again. Y/n always had her eyes on Emily, the entire time, they both had promised that their relationship wouldn’t interfere with work, it wouldn’t change the way they worked, and it also wouldn’t stop them, meaning that things would stay just like they were before. Of course, the team was now aware of their relationship, and they were happy that at least, there was something to look forward to -Penelope joking that she was already planning the wedding…they believed she was joking-.

But once the whole ‘Gold Star’ started, y/n noticed how Emily just kept getting home late, trying to drown herself in work and compensate for what had happened. She had tried her best to be there for her and let Emily know that it had not been her fault, and that she had done what she and the team had thought was right. Emily tried to hide everything that she was feeling to not let y/n and the team figure out that she was having a hard time, but y/n knew better, she could now see through Emily, but she also knew not to push her. Even if it killed her to know that Emily was having a hard time.

“Hey, so where’s Emily? Thought she’d be here.” JJ snapped y/n out of her trance, making her look up at her while JJ offered a small smile.

“Oh…she had uh…she had something to do.” Y/n tried her best to smile but they knew better.

“Work, huh? She feels…guilty about Bailey?” Tara asked as she turned to look at y/n.

Y/n sighed softly as she nodded. “I don’t know what to do.”

“We know Emily. There’s not much we can do if she doesn’t want to talk.” Tara said softly as she placed her hand on y/n’s shoulder.

“But I’m her girlfriend. I mean…I should at least…I don’t know. Try harder?” Y/n shrugged. “I just want Emily to know that I’m here…”

JJ sighed softly. “Well, I’m sure she knows, she’s just…trying to deal with her stuff.”

Y/n nodded softly as she looked back at JJ, smiling softly. She felt her phone vibrating and got it out of her pocket, furrowing her brows as she saw Emily’s text. Soon enough she was saying goodbye to everyone and then heading back to the office. It felt a little weird to be here so late, the whole office was silent and almost dark, Emily’s office was the only one that had its light on. Y/n took a deep breath as she noticed Emily walking around her office and then stopping by the window. She wanted to support her in every possible way, but she was also afraid that Emily was overworking herself and that didn’t sit right with her. She slowly walked to Emily’s office and leaned against the doorframe, trying her best to smile as Emily turned to look at her.

“Hey you.” Y/n smiled softly.

Emily offered a smile in return. “I’m sorry I made you leave Penelope’s birthday.”

“I was going to anyway.” Y/n shrugged. “What’s going on?”

Emily sighed softly. “We need to talk.”

Y/n felt her heart drop for a moment as she stared at Emily. She could only nod, not trusting her voice as she felt her body slightly trembling as she waited for Emily to say anything at all, but instead, she walked to y/n, grabbed her hand, and kissed it softly, offering a smile as she pulled y/n with her. Soon enough, they were on the ceiling, Emily had sat down and had pulled out a box of cigarettes, catching y/n off guard for a moment, but also keeping in mind how incredibly hot it was to see her smoke. Seriously, y/n…not the time. She crossed her arms and listened to everything Emily had to say, and again, she felt helpless as she listened to Emily, wanting nothing more than to be able to fix all this with a snap of her finger and be able to take Emily anywhere so she could relax.

“Well, you’ve been doing your homework.” Y/n teased as she walked closer to Emily and grabbed the cigarette putting it in her mouth before she returned it to Emily.

Emily scoffed. “Well…we need to get to the end of this.”

Y/n nodded, sighing softly, and looked away for a moment. “So…you think he’s government trained or something?”

“He’s definitely too proficient to be self-taught.”

“And that’s why they’re keeping it a secret.” Y/n tilted her head as she looked back at Emily. “I know that you’ve been overprotective after what happened…but we need to let the team know about this. You know that working together, we’ll get it done.”

Emily sighed softly as she nodded. “I know.” She nibbled on her lip for a moment as she looked at y/n. “Baby…I need you to promise me that whatever we do here, I need you to be safe. We see what he does…what has happened so far. I cannot…” her voice cracked for a moment, looking down at the floor as she put back the cigarette in her mouth.

Y/n sighed softly as she walked to Emily, positioning herself in between her legs and placing her hands on her cheeks, tilting her head up so their eyes locked. “I will promise you that if you promise me the same.” She smiled softly. “Em, I need you to take a break too. You’ve barely been home, you’ve barely been sleeping. I will make the promise if you promise me you’ll also take care of yourself.”

Emily took a deep breath, moving her free hand to y/n’s hips, offering a small smile. “Alright. I will.”

Y/n smiled softly as she leaned down to kiss Emily’s forehead. “You’re stubborn, Prentiss. If I don’t take care of you, you won’t.”

“That’s why I have you. Couldn’t have it any other way.” Emily chuckled softly, leaning up slightly to kiss her lips while she put out the cigarette.

Y/n smiled against her lips. “I know I should be forbidding you from smoking but…did you know you look extremely hot smoking?”

Emily chuckled softly as she wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her closer. “No but thank you.” She grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully and then leaned down to kiss her lips again. “Let’s go call Garcia.”

********************

Y/n could only stare at Emily while everyone else talking, giving their thoughts about the video they had just watched. she couldn’t really concentrate on what they were even talking about, part of her was trying to comprehend everything, work with them, say anything at all, but her mind was entirely focused on Emily. The moment Rossi and Emily had walked into the office, she could tell that there was something wrong with Emily; the way she stared at them, the way she talked, her eyes seemed…lost. She tried to keep up with everything, every now and then feeling JJ’s eyes on her, even Tara’s, but her eyes were only focused on Emily.

“Em?” Y/n asked softly as they all left the room, walking to Emily and taking her hand. “Are you alright?”

Emily looked back at her and furrowed her brows. “Yes. Why are you asking?”

Y/n tilted her head slightly as she raised her brow. “That was not nothing. What you and Rossi saw…and you…you don’t look okay.”

Emily shrugged. “It’s part of the job, isn’t it?”

Y/n sighed softly. “Emily, I-“

“Right now, we need to focus on this case. We might have something important here. I know I promised, but we also promised we wouldn’t change the way we work here. Right now, we’re at work, and we need to focus on that.” Emily said softly but firmly, not wanting to sound rude or harsh, but the way she looked at y/n, with stress and frustration, made y/n’s insides turn.

Y/n nodded softly as she let go of Emily’s hand. “Right.”

Emily only nodded before she left, leaving y/n standing there, not knowing what to do or say. She knew working together wouldn’t be the easiest thing ever, but she couldn’t help it, and Emily couldn’t blame her for worrying. Y/n had stayed behind with JJ at the office, she had tried to brush it off and focus on their main task. But again, once they came back, y/n noticed it again, she noticed the way Emily rubbed her temple and went straight to her office. She didn’t say anything, she stayed with JJ as she let Emily have a minute. She was right, they had made it clear things wouldn’t change, and so far, it had worked out, and she was not about to stress Emily more.

********************

Y/n closed the door behind her and sighed softly as she locked it, standing there staring at it as she took a deep breath before she turned to walk to their room. Emily was already sitting on the bed, taking off her shoes. Y/n said nothing, walking to the bed and also sitting down and doing the same as Emily. Silence surrounded them for a moment for a while, y/n knew it was stupid that Emily’s words had hit her the way they did, but she couldn’t help it, she knew that if it was the other way around, Emily wouldn’t drop it until y/n accepted that Emily was right, but in this case, which was not even an option.

But then she heard a soft groan coming from Emily, and as she turned, she noticed Emily’s head in her hands, and y/n was back to feeling worried. She stood up slowly and walked around the bed, kneeling right in front of Emily, and positioning herself in between her legs, her hands on top of Emily’s as she leaned her head against Emily’s.

“Em…” Y/n whispered softly.

“I’m exhausted.” Emily breathed out, her voice cracking slightly. “I don’t know what’s going on, nothing seems right, everything seems to be against us, to be against me. It’s like they want me to resign so badly, they want…they want the BAU to disappear. I don’t know what they want from me, I cannot just drop this, not after everything we’ve been through.” She said quietly as she felt her eyes getting teary, not being able to look up at y/n. “They’re making us get involved with a fucking serial killer. What has gotten into their minds?! What are they hiding?!”

Y/n wrapped her arms around her, only being able to hold Emily tightly as she started sobbing. Emily knew that she was overworking herself, that she was doing too much, she was obsessing too much, but there was no chance to back down, she couldn’t just let it happen, she couldn’t let them win. But she felt so…heavy. Everything hurt, her head felt like exploding, her chest felt heavy, she had felt the usual anxiety creep in her body, she felt worse than she had years ago. She sobbed quietly as she felt y/n tightening her embrace, Emily suddenly wrapping her arms around y/n’s neck, feeling bad for the weird position they were in, but needing y/n to hold her so badly, she’d worry about the position later.

“I can’t just drop this.” Emily whispered as she buried her face on y/n’s neck, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“I know. And we won’t drop it. I’ll be by your side.” Y/n whispered softly.

“I’m sorry I’m so stubborn…”

Y/n shook her head, smiling softly as she turned to kiss the side of her head. “But you’re mine. You can be as stubborn as you want.”

Emily chuckled softly as she pulled away, looking into y/n’s eyes. “I’m sorry that I’ve been drowning myself in this case.”

Y/n sighed softly. “I don’t blame you, Emily.” She rubbed Emily’s back softly as she leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I just don’t want you falling sick for so much stress. I don’t want you to get stuck in this to the point where you can’t notice that you’re putting everything and you’re putting yourself in danger.” She said softly as she looked into Emily’s eyes. “I’m just worried about you.”

Emily nodded as she let out a shaky breath. “I know. I won’t keep anything else from you, I promise. And…I’ll come to you when it’s too much.”

Y/n nodded as she smiled. “Em…baby, look at me.” She ran her fingers through her hair as Emily locked her eyes on hers. “I’m here for you, no matter what. The good and the bad, you’re not a burden to me, okay? I love you. And you’re not alone.”

Emily’s eyes filled with tears as her face softened, her body slightly trembling as she finally gave up and let tiredness take over her. She took a deep shaky breath, nodding her head as more tears rolled down her cheeks. Y/n rapidly wrapped her into another tight hug, letting Emily bury her face on her neck and sob as much as she needed. They stayed like that for a while, y/n rubbing her back and whispering sweet nothings while Emily cried. It was becoming too much, and Emily knew this wasn’t even the half of it and there was so much more to come, but for now, for now she had y/n, she was present in this moment. Y/n gave her the space to break and make her feel like she deserved to have this sort of moment even if they still made her feel weak, but she knew her lover would never judge her, not like she had been judged before. After a moment, she finally felt like she had gotten everything out, slowly moving back but resting her forehead against y/n’s, not wanting to be away.

“Thank you…” Emily whispered softly.

“Why are you thanking me?”

“Because you always take care of me even if you don’t have to.” Emily smiled through her tears.

Y/n smiled softly pulling away just enough to wipe her tears and stroke her cheek. “And I’ll be here to do it over and over again. If I risked my life with COVID, why not now?” She grinned a little.

Emily rolled her eyes playfully. “Well, it kept you in my apartment for a whole month. Not my fault you were so eager to kiss me.” She teased back.

Y/n gasped softly. “In my defense, you were supposed to be out of risk, and also, I couldn’t help it when I had you right in front of me. We had become girlfriends, and I hadn’t even kissed you yet.”

“That’s true.” Emily chuckled softly as she leaned in and kissed her forehead. “And I got to take care of you.”

Y/n nodded. “We’ve got each other’s back. You take care of me, and I take care of you.” She smiled softly.

Emily smiled and nodded softly. “Yes.” She rested her forehead against y/n’s once again. “I love you.”

“And I love you.” Y/n smiled softly and sighed softly as she closed her eyes for a moment. After a while, she moved to kiss Emily’s nose and offer another smile. “C’mon, let’s take a bath together. I’ll bring some wine and snacks.”

Emily smiled softly and nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

Y/n nodded before she got up, but as she was about to leave, Emily pulled her back to her, making her turn back to Emily who was now standing. “Yes?”

Emily smiled softly as she shook her head. “Nothing.” She placed her hand on y/n’s neck and brought their lips together into a tender kiss. “I love you.” She whispered softly against her lips.

Y/n giggled. “I love you too.” She whispered back and kissed her lips one more time before she walked out of the room.

Emily knew there was still a very long way, she had no idea what they were getting into, a lot of stress was coming their way, but she knew that as soon as she walked into their house, she’d be able to leave that stress behind at least for a while. This little bubble they had created for themselves was everything to Emily, and what got her to keep going. And that was all she needed.

[adhdtsukasa]

tsukasa tenma has ADHD!! except it's an actual analysis because 1. look at my url 2. i'm mentally unwell (and i started to love tsukasa mostly because i immediately recognized my ADHD traits in him). which is a thing i should probably leave for ADHD awareness month, HOWEVER!! it was my birthday yesterday and i wanted to spoil myself (i just kinda overlooked how much time writing it from scratch would take me, so i'm a bit late with it). and i reaaally don't wanna wait until november when i finally wrote it down because i'm so HYPED because i was preparing for it like what? two years? somewhere around it. and that's a LONG time.

please keep in mind that i'm no psychologist, psychiatrist nor a neurologist and while i do use some sources (cannot really confirm if they are true, though... because i forgot to write credits down... so i'm really sorry for that), most of this analysis was just based off on my personal experiences with the disorder (and i don't really have the full professional knowledge of what i struggle with i'm just a Boy). i mean, i am analyzing a character from a hatsune miku game. i think i'm already putting way too many effort than i should.

also the examples of tsukasa's behavior here are not all of the things, because i wrote down only the things i remember off from the top of my head. sorry, guys. my hyperactive ass is not sitting thru all the stories again just to get my crumbs, unfortunately.

anyways, with this a little bit unprofessional and messy introduction, let's get it started!

1. THE MAIN PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, AKA HOW THE ADHD SYMPTOMS CORRESPOND TO TSUKASA'S BEHAVIOR

i wanted to write it down in my own words, but i think the screen above has summed it up perfectly; there are some established symptoms of ADHD, but to be an ADHDer you don't have to experience them all. and this is going to explain why i'm gonna show a lot of these symptoms later, yet gonna connect only some of them with tsukasa. it's only these i have evidence for, and yet i think they're good enough to point at tsukasa and already say woah! an ADHDer!!

in short, there are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive (ADD) and combined. the combined one is the most common iirc, so that's also what i'm going to focus on today. especially since for a rep of the other types, i could say that shizuku's a rather great representation of ADD — but that's not the point of my ted talk today, so i'm not going to go into the detail about it. i'm sure some momojan or shizuku oshi would do better than me in this field, so i'm leaving it to the experts.

these are the symptoms that i managed to gather — the first two screens being about the symptoms viewed in children, the last one being about the symptoms viewed in adults. "in which one of them tsukasa belongs to?" that's a good question, because i actually don't know. calling a high schooler a child doesn't sit quite right with me, yet a freshly turned 17/18-years-old is not exactly an adult, either (although most of the symptoms i'm analyzing come from these that are viewed in adults). and while i do think tsukasa has more of the symptoms viewed in adults, we're gonna analyse them all! because i'm putting my all into this.

FORGETFULNESS

i believe there's not much left to say, as this is the most obvious one and everyone already knows that. even though it's not touched that much anymore for some reason, tsukasa's forgetfulness is his very apparent trait. it varies in severity a lot of times: from him basically forgetting both his childhood and true feelings in the main story to him, for example, forgetting his own phone and lunch (in the same day!!) in hinamatsuri. even saki in the same event, while they were arguing, called him a "big, dumb forgetter" and assumed that he forgot what happened the day he brought her the hinamatsuri dolls to hospital. while forgetting basically half of your life is not exactly normal and can be a sign of something bigger, like dissociative amnesia, his forgetting of just the ordinary things and it happening a lot definitely still fits this trait.

EXCESSIVE TALKING/PHYSICAL MOVEMENT

while this is something that you'd rather connect to emu (and for a good reason), it's not like tsukasa is completely devoid of it either; he talks a lot. he moves a lot. it's not on emu's level of hyperactivity, but it's also not "a lot" that's taken as a social norm, based on how the people around him react. he's putting the 1 in oddball 1 2, after all.

in holy night or some side stories connected to it (it might be meiko's side story? but i'm not exactly sure) it was also said that tsukasa moves in his sleep a lot to this point that his parents have to leave his christmas presents under his door instead of next to his bed.

oh, and he also talks to himself a lot. even in class, which was confirmed in chapter 6 of dazzling (or maybe even earlier, it's just the one moment that i remember). (but i'll get to this moment later on)

he says his long monologues, he strikes his poses at every occasion — and while i don't think that's the first thing you think of when you have "excessive talking/movement" in mind, for me it sure does count as it.

LITTLE OR NO SENSE OF DANGER

this point can seem rather weird, because "isn't tsukasa always riddiculed at rui's weird inventions"? well, yeah, he is, that is not a thing to deny. but he also agrees to try out most of them, if not all, if it's for the sake of the show. he's aware of what can happen, but he also doesn't back away if it means that he'll be one step closer to achieving his dream of stardom.

does it count as "little sense of danger"? well, i'm actually not sure, for me it doesn't, but maybe for someone it does. i'd say that's a rather weak point, but i wanted to include the explanation for the counterpoint of it — that's why i even mentioned it in the first place. i don't have a lot to say about this tbh.

update: oh, actually no, wait, i just remembered. remember how tsukasa in phoenix decided to not eat anything for three days just to be able to resonate with rio, while also having to do straining exercise on top of that? you certainly cannot say that's a safe thing to do, but he still went along with that in order to get the role. it makes me come to a conclusion that tsukasa actually has a sense of danger, but sometimes chooses to willingly ignore it if only it makes him get closer to fulfilling his dream. i think it's coming close enough to the little/no sense of danger to be actually considered an ADHD trait.

DIFFICULTY KEEPING QUIET

while i'm not sure if what i'm going to talk about is a difficulty keeping quiet in a traditional sense of way, it definitely counts as it, somehow: tsukasa is loud. like, really loud. and that's another obvious fact both for us and for characters in-universe, especially when thinking of tsukasa shiho's first thought is that he's kinda noisy, which can be seen in the "a friend's brother" 1koma. (and probably a lot of other cases. free shiho.)

tsukasa doesn't seem to realize that he's way louder than he should be and that him being loud is his first impression in most of the cases, though, or at least i don't remember any moment where it happens (and it's a possibility. then that's on me, i guess.). and yeah, i know what's the reason for it, obviously — he's supposed to be a comic relief character. because wansho's stories are mostly supposed to make you smile, as this is what wansho's aspiration is. however, as much as being intended to make the viewer laugh it wouldn't be, it still is a part of tsukasa's character, and a rather important one on top of that. his constant loudness is something that's definitely not considered normal by the society and could very well fit into this symptom.

and since i promised to elaborate on the mentioned before scene from dazzling chapter 6: when tsukasa talks to himself in class, it always ends up to be loud. and it already happened a few times.

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on youtube because i don't have proseka on my phone wah)

if it's not a difficulty keeping quiet, then i don't know what is. bro can scream up to 120dB as measured by robonene for god's sake.

IRRITABILITY/QUICK TEMPER

again, this is something that was more apparent with early game tsukasa, maybe he just got medicated. idk man. but even if it happened three, almost four years ago, it still happened, i don't make the rules. back in the early game, tsukasa was really easily losing his temper and getting annoyed, mad even — i mean, that was the whole point of the main story argument: tsukasa's first response to nene accidentally messing up their show, which was not even her fault, was to shout at her. and while this was obviously very important thing to him and being upset at this is a rather understandable reaction, taking this as far as screaming at a poor girl for not being to face the audience because of her anxiety is not something a person who can control their anger would do.

it could be also easily seen by his reaction to emu and rui's antics back in the early game, which were often stained with irritation.

another example is his hinamatsuri argument with saki, where, despite loving her so much, he still got slightly mad at her for not liking the new dolls he bought her. he started to regret his harsh words and actions soon enough, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that it was rather easy for him to get him across.

INABILITY TO DEAL WITH STRESS

if i'm not mistaken, tsukasa has once said something along the lines of "is it anxiety? there's no way a star like me would feel anxiety" — but i cannot recall for the love of my life in which story it appeared, so i don't want to take it as a face value when i don't have a solid proof for it.

other than this vague mention of "something that's in the story but i don't remember where", i'll admit, i don't really have anything backing me up for this tbf. i mean, i guess maybe tsukasa doing his best to appear strong as a child to not worry his parents could work? because the stress of saki being in the hospital definitely was also present here, although i just see this more as a coping mechanism for his situation than a reaction to stress, so that's not a solid evidence either.

so, yeah. take this one with a grain of salt, actually.

from the symptoms that weren't listed here, i remember reading something about people with ADHD enjoying to show off more, which is certainly what tsukasa does often — and while it actually applies to me too, it wasn't on an english site so i didn't screenshot it and i cannot really find it anywhere in english... so even though i treat it just like my whole argument for the inability to deal with stress, i thought it's just worth mentioning.

however, there is obviously one more thing...

HYPERFIXATION/SPECIAL INTEREST

obviously, i'm talking about acting here: for tsukasa, acting aligns with all these criterias. it is his deep passion; it is something highly engaging for him; it is sometimes all-consuming for him; he tunes out the world around him when he thinks about how can he possibly improve his acting (see: the dazzling moment i showed earlier. yeah, i like to use it as a backing point a lot, as you can see.); and it is something that is his life-long interest.

is it his special interest or his hyperfixation, though? well, it's hard to tell...? because while according to screen two, spinterest revolves around a topic and hyperfixation revolves around an activity, so it would qualify what tsukasa feels towards acting as a hyperfixation, it's still kinda hard for me to call it so because of its length. yes, screen three clearly says that hyperfixation can last years, but they mostly revolve around shorter periods of time, after all (my longest hyperfixation was just a year long, for example). i think it's up to you to determine whether you'd call tsukasa's love for acting a hyperfixation or a special interest, but it's something from these two most certainly.

i'm also a big fan of the headcanon that tsukasa's other spinterest is kaito ww it's in no way a canon evidence (unfortunately!), but kaito's 1* side story, where tsukasa and emu are watching kaito's show and tsukasa is explaining to her why kaito's wearing a scarf somewhat implies that tsukasa knew a thing or two about kaito before the main story. and i'm all for it. colopale let tsukasa be a kaito fanboy pleaseee.

2. I REALLY LIKE ANALYZING SONGS, IF YOU CAN'T TELL

those who have already read a few of my things probably know what i love to do the most — analyzing songs!! so i wouldn't be myself if i just left tsukasa's commisions without analyzing them under the angle of neurodivergence, especially since the sole reason i became obsessed with the thought of ADHD tsukasa was that one sekahaji line (there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse you will always be famous).

of course, remember that only the world hasn't even started yet should be taken as a canon value! producers are often given space to do whatever they want in the lyrics of the songs they are commissioned for, so they're not canonical in any way. i think it's still fun to look at their lyrics and ramble about them for a bit, though. i've already got too carried away anyways.

won't be posting photos of the lyrics since i'd hit the images limit, but you can check them yourself — all the translations i'm taking, as always, from the vocaloid lyrics wiki. (since filament fever has two tls on there, i want to clarify that i've only looked at and considered in my analysis the official english one, because it's, well, official.)

THE WORLD HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET

besides the mentioned earlier there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse, which i think of as a representation of overstimulation (since i used to see people asking "oh but why tsukasa has something about there being too much noise in a song made out of his feelings when he's such a loud person himself". because he likes the noise he makes, not the overwhelming, overstimulating noise from the outside!!), sekahaji also has a rather good amount of quotes that could be read as something connected to neurodivergence (based on the fact that it's not supposed to be a song about this topic): the main theme of these are procrastination, which can be seen in let's cross the end of all of this, partying forever and the world hasn't even started yet line itself. the thought of the world not even starting implies that there's still a lot of time left to do something, while "partying forever" can refer to deciding to give up on doing the things you should do and going to drown in something that indulges only you and yourself for the rest of eternity. while procrastination is not counted as an official ADHD symptom, it's a trait that people with the disorder very often have (for reasons obvious).

other lines, which i couldn't entirely fit into a box of a certain symptom, are there's too much conflict, so much conflict and it keeps growing (a parallel line to the noise one, so it means something! right) and let's break the plans for a harmonious future. in my personal interpretation, they both can be viewed as your typical neurodivergent struggle in a neurotypical society — "too much conflict" refering to an internal struggle of not being completely normal, while the "harmonious future" that's going to get broken are just the social norms that are going to be broken because of an off-putting, neurodivergent behavior. something that some neurotypical people dooon't really like.

TONDEMO-WONDERZ

since i've just talked about breaking the social norms, "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you, huh? line from tondemo-wonderz is going to go first, because it revolves around the same topic. it's the same case: it's about (subconscious, not intentional) fighting what's accepted by the society by just being yourself — because you're neurodivergent, you're different.

from the other lines in tondemo-wonderz, i have only one and it's take an eraser to your memories?!, which is pretty much self explanatory. as always, a mention of forgetting something in tsukasa's commision. who would've thought.

88 SHOOTING STARS

another self explanatory line that i have written down as first: it's okay if you only remember a little part of it sometimes. another mention of tsukasa forgor™, and while it corresponds with what happened in dazzling, it's still a line mentioning forgetfulness — so it's worth mentioning.

aren't we just inevitably going around in circles? and it's okay if you take a rest for a little bit sometimes can be interpreted as another mention of procrastination and while it's not that apparent as it was with sekahaji, because going in circles can refer to something else and taking a rest sometimes is not a bad thing at all, i still wanted to mention them here. for the record.

you ought to slip and fall in panic in the final moment is connected to a symptom that i showed, yet didn't elaborate on it (because i didn't have anything to work with) — making careless mistakes. the same case, yet with another symptom goes with is this not enough yet again? is this not how it's supposed to be? couldn't we go even further than this?, which can be seen as a reflection of unability to listen to instructions. a bit of reaching with this one (like this whole part damn), but as i said earlier: for the record, i'm leaving it here. to show that i had some intense thoughts.

tbf, when i think about it now, maybe the mentioned earlier "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you [...] could very well fit this symptom too.

MR SHOWTIME

mr showtime you will always be famous, because this is a song that gave me a looot of things to work with. i was so flabbergasted when i read these lyrics for the first time. tsukasa tenma why are you like this. /aff

there are a lot of lines hinting being easily distracted, and these are basically the very first ones, too: you know what? i just can't make up my mind, it's so messed up that i can't put my thoughts together and a merry-go-round (my thought process) goes round and round are all about it. like you cannot deny it this time, if it's not about being unable to stay focused then i really don't know what is [insert the tsukasa don't look away stamp here because i love it and it's my biggest motivation to actually focus whenever i do something]. the more i mess around and waste time, the more i become hungry / and i can't handle it can be seen as about procrastination again, and even not "can be seen", it's literally being frustrated at yourself for wasting time, that's the sole outcome of a procrastination!! being bothered by feeling anxious, meanwhile, is resonating with the inability to deal with stress once again.

also jumping the gun. driving in a zigzag manner can actually connected with the little to no sense of danger. because, as far as i'm aware, driving in a zigzag manner is certainly not a safe activity. don't do it at home.

from the symptoms that i haven't yet mentioned to this point, am i taking a long way? am i making a fruitless effort? can be reflecting difficulty organizing tasks — since the poor planning of your activities can make you take a long way and can make you do a fruitless effort. then, where's the fun in taking shortcuts all the time? can be read along the lines of something coming close to extreme impatience and while a person that's extremely impatient would actually enjoy taking the shortcuts to get closer to their goal or destination, said impatience can be also connected with the desire for something interesting to happen. a task can make you impatient not because it's long, but because it's simply boring — avoiding shortcuts can make it less boring, even if it extends its duration. with this explanation, it makes the unexpectedness (unexpected program) is the best part of the show (my life) perfectly fit into this category, even though i wouldn't call this line a sign of impatience on its own.

i have some issues with i'm pathetic. i can't satisfy myself, because... at first i thought of connecting it with either mood swings or inability to deal with stress, however i'm not sure if that's really it. i'm pretty sure it connects to neurodivergence in some way, but i just can't put my finger on it, so... i'm just leaving it here for the record, once again.

oh, and there's also i got lost in the world (stage) and / the end credits rolled (the curtain fell), which also is pretty much summing up the experience of being neurodivergent in the neurotypical society. in the middle of trying to stay true to yourself and having to mask just to be accepted, it's easy to get lost — and once you do so, there's no going back. the curtain falls.

to end this part of the analysis, i'd show the lyrics from filament fever and sekai wo terasu tetrad here. i won't do this, however, and the reason for it is fairly simple — they don't give me much material to work with and i'm not really surprised, because mr showtime has succesfully sucked all of the neurodivergent coded lyrics into itself. there just won't be another song like mr showtime, i fear.

i can just say that in filament fever there is running away from the flow of time — which got me thinking of either procrastination and unability to stick to time-consuming tasks, with the former being more plausible as a potential interpretation... but that would be it.

3. NAKAYAMA IS A METAPHOR FOR NEURODIVERGENT MASKING AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SAID BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

listen, i know how it sounds.

i'm not actually a fan of trying to fit every thing a character does into a box of a metaphor, symbol or allegory, i really am not. i think some things should just stay as simple as they are, but this thought has been bothering me ever since i've first seen spoilers of what's happening in a story where you're the star for the very first time. i'm in no way saying it has any canonical meaning, but i just thought it would be fun to include. because maaaybe someone sees my vision.

for those who haven't seen tsukasa4 yet or want to have a recap of what has happened in it: the whole event story revolves around tsukasa trying to grasp his role (as always). wxs got recommended to shunmei-za by shousuke and went there to practice their acting skills, immediately getting thrown onto the preparation for their next performance. tsukasa, however, is not a lead this time — he got the role of a supporting character and has got basically three lines to say on stage total. since tsukasa's used to playing lead roles, he obviously has issues with grasping the role — it's hard to use method acting in regards of a character that says three sentences total and nothing more. with help of bakuno reki, one of the actors in shunmei-za, and the rest of wxs, he manages to create a portrayal of nakayama that would make him "come to life" and "be a protagonist of his own story", something that would make it easier for him to get into role, however...

he gets a little bit too carried away with his acting during the actual performance.

and this is not something that would ruin the whole play, obviously, he's just a supporting character, the less invested audience would probably forgot about his impact on the story after five minutes of his last appearance — but he still made a slip-up. he still resonated with his role, but didn't achieve the utmost perfection. he still did well acting, after all, he managed to receive praise from the director in the end... but it's still a very apparent mistake that was made.

(tl, once again, by the awesome tsukasa's #3 fan)

and that's where the nakayama masking metaphor theory (it's not even a theory but it sounds cooler this way) comes in.

nakayama is supposed to be just a man. from what we know about him, he's in his late twenties and works as an editor — and even though tsukasa makes up a whole backstory for him later on, he's still supposed to be ordinary. nothing special. he's coming nowhere near the other roles that tsukasa has played, he's not on the same level as miles, torpe and rio. and while you could possibly consider torpe and rio as rather ordinary, they still had something interesting to happen to them, the main reason why they were lead roles for their respective plays. in the tsukasa4 play, nakayama has nothing like that. he's literally just a guy, he's normal. and "normal" is a keyword here.

tsukasa did everything he could to fit into nakayama's role. he followed the script, he took the advice from a more talented and professional actor that is bakuno, he didn't do any mistakes during his preparations — and yet he still managed to mess up in the end. why?, besides of the fact that he just let himself become one with nakayama during the performance and it resulted in a supporting character outshining the lead?

if we take as a fact that tsukasa is, in fact, neurodivergent, it would make sense that he's having troubles with playing a normal person — because he's not exactly normal either. and this would very well work out as a metaphor of masking; even when you try your best, even when you mask yourself perfectly, you can still make slip-ups. you can still accidentally drop the act in middle of something that absolutely required it, or, similiar to what tsukasa did, can accidentally overdo it and end up perceived as even more weird than you'd be without masking. something something i got lost in the world and the end credits rolled. rings a bell?

and i'm not saying that tsukasa has a problem with masking, because he doesn't. he tries his best to pass as a normal member of society, but he also makes no effort in actively masking his weirdness (or else he wouldn't be a part of oddball one two). however, if you want to neurodivergent code your character, it would make sense to include a possibility of it in some way, right? especially since wxs stories' already had the theme of dealing with being perceived as weird (eg. rui's whole backstory, obviously). even if it's not affecting tsukasa directly, i think it would be cool to include something that indicates this issue's existence in his story and, in a way, his struggles.

however, as i said earlier, this is a very stupid thought and that's why i left it for the very end. i don't actually think that how tsukasa played nakayama was supposed to be a metaphor for masking, it's just a pure coincidence that it could be interpreted like that when you think about it too much.

aaand with this, we've finally come to an end!! (finally. i'm so exhausted.) i don't have anything more to say about this topic. maybe i'll retweet it with some more evidence in the future if we ever get more ADHDkasa content. for now, it would be all!

is tsukasa actually intentionally written as an ADHDer? Who Knows! there's a possibility that he is, but even if he's not, he's still one in my heart. regardless of the status of his possible neurodivergence, analyzing his behavior in this light was still very fun! and maybe i even converted someone into the ADHDkasa hell.

feel free to add something if you want to, and feel free to correct me if i got some things wrong! i still hope that even though of how messy this whole thing is written, i did tsukasa justice and didn't accidentally say too much nonsense lmao

...i hate ending analyses.

[misc-obeyme]

requesting "don't test me" with lucifer (and then she does)

ty i luv u

Hello, anon!

Okay, so the prompt was "Don't tempt me," but I still had him tell MC not to test him, so we got a bit of both lol. Also I know you didn't necessarily indicate an AFAB reader, but that's what I ended up doing. Hopefully that's okay!

Thank you for participating!

1,000 Followers Event!

AFAB!MC x Lucifer with prompt "Don't tempt me."

NSFW MDNI

Warnings: cockwarming, penetration (reader receiving)

Once again, Lucifer found himself sitting at his desk doing paperwork late into the night. Everyone else in the house was either asleep or quiet in their rooms. For once, he could focus on the pile of work he still had to get through.

And he did focus, even though you were sitting on his lap with his cock snugly inside you.

Lucifer would never admit it, but he had a tendency to indulge you. When you came into his office earlier that night to sit with him, he didn��t protest. Your presence made him feel content and he enjoyed having you near him. But it was clear rather quickly that you did not intend to simply sit idly while he worked. And when you finally asked, Lucifer gave in after only a little bit of prodding.

That was how he ended up with his lap full of you, his arms on either side of you as he continued to work, your head leaning back on his shoulder. Your hands were on the desk, holding papers still for him as he wrote. He occasionally moved your hands where he needed them.

You had been doing so well, actually managing to stay still while he worked. But he noticed when you began to shift your hips every so often, like you were unable to hold yourself back from seeking some kind of friction. Lucifer didn’t acknowledge your movements, his pen never stopping.

Lucifer couldn’t deny that he enjoyed having you like this. The way your body clenched on his cock, sending little jolts of pleasure through him, made the hours of sitting at his desk a little more bearable. He never indicated this to you, his expression and movements remaining stoic as though he was unbothered by the way you were leaking all over him.

This went on for some time and Lucifer was actually impressed that you were able to cockwarm him for so long, only occasionally moving against him.

He still had quite the pile of work when it became evident that you were struggling with staying still. Your movements became more frequent and more obvious. You even let out a little whine that both concerned him and made his cock twitch.

When this happened, he said, “Be still, MC. As you can see I still have a lot of work to get through.”

“I’ve been still this whole time,” you said. “Can’t you take a break?”

Lucifer wanted to give into you immediately, but the paperwork on his desk taunted him. “No,” he said firmly. “I told you that you would have to wait until I’m finished and I am nowhere near done.”

You turned your head toward him, nuzzling into him and kissing his neck. You took one of your hands off his desk to reach up and run your fingers down his cheek. “Please, Lucifer…”

Lucifer grabbed your hand and put it back on his desk. “Don’t tempt me,” he said. His tone was strict, not flirty, and you sighed against him.

Lucifer managed to get through only a small amount of work before you started up again, shifting on his lap. He attempted to ignore it, not wanting to give in to you.

At this point, though, you had had enough and you very deliberately braced your hands on the desk so you could raise yourself up. Once you reached the tip of his cock, you sat back down in one swift motion. The feeling of finally having some movement inside you made you moan.

Lucifer dropped his pen and grabbed your hips, keeping you pressed to him. “Do not test my patience, MC.”

You still squirmed in his grip. “What about my patience?” you asked, letting just a hint of a whine into your voice. “I’m running out.”

“You should have considered that before you proposed this idea,” Lucifer said.

You groaned, now actively struggling against him. “Can’t you ever give in? Just once?”

Lucifer’s irritation with you peaked and he realized there was no way he would be able to finish his work when you were like this. He secretly blamed himself for giving into you to begin with, but there was no way he would let you think that.

Lucifer lifted you easily as he stood up from his chair, pushing you down over his desk. There was still paperwork beneath you, but he didn’t bother to move it out of the way. In that moment, he no longer cared.

Lucifer leaned over you, pressing close to your ear. “I hope this is what you wanted, MC.”

Lucifer didn’t give you the chance to answer as he stood back up, keeping one hand on your hip.

He put his other hand on the small of your back, keeping you in place as he began to thrust. He was not gentle, he was far past that, and the sounds of your whimpers only made him go faster.

You squirmed under him, no doubt overwhelmed by how deep he was inside you, hitting hard with every thrust, your body bouncing as he ramped up the pace and intensity. He was lost in your heat, feeling only the sweetness of you around him, his own pleasure building as he moved in you. The sound and scent of your arousal made him a little dizzy.

Your noises became louder as your orgasm approached, your hands gripping the desk, moving the papers that were still beneath you.

You cried out as your climax hit, your cum coating his dick as he clenched your hip hard, the hand on your back pressing down roughly.

And then Lucifer stopped moving.

You stayed sprawled over the desk, your cheek pressed against some stray paper, breathing hard as you slowly came down from your high.

After a moment you looked back over your shoulder. Lucifer frowned at you, his cock still hard inside you.

“Will you be able to sit still now?” he asked.

Lucifer lifted you from his desk, sitting back down in his chair and settling you in his lap the way he had you before. He picked up one of your hands, his fingers gently rubbing against a smudge of ink there before he placed it on top of his papers again.

You opened your mouth to protest, but Lucifer wrapped his arms around your waist and gently kissed your neck.

“I only need you to hold on a little longer,” he said quietly into your ear. “Having you here like this makes it easier for me to get through all of this work. If you can hold me until I’m finished, I will be at your mercy for the rest of the night.”

Lucifer knew what saying this to you would do and he was pleased to feel you shudder slightly. You were likely imagining him carrying you to his room, catering to your every whim, giving into you entirely, letting you have whatever you wanted from him. It wasn’t something he did often. But every once in a while, he let himself be vulnerable with you.

You re-positioned yourself for a moment, then let out a soft sigh. You put your hands on the desk, settling them back on the papers for him. “How can I say no to that?”

Lucifer chuckled, repositioning your hands a little before picking up his pen. “I will endeavor to get through the remainder quickly so I can take care of you properly.”

You settled in, your body still tired and throbbing from the orgasm you had bent over his desk. You took the time to rest as well as you could with his cock still inside you, knowing you would need your energy for later.

1,000 Followers Event | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[moonydustx]

Am I really late with all the requests? Yes. Would I have peace until I wrote Law's angst with his daughter that I mentioned here? HELL NO

---

The diagnosis

Law x F!Reader (but the main focus is Law with your daughter, Rosi)

warnings: angst, a lot of angst. Hurt/Comfort. Mentions of Dressrosa's arc, F!Reader and the crew are in Zou. Rosi is around seven years old, a child still learning to deal with feelings. Some things may be non-canon.

a/n: I've had this idea saved and drafted since I posted pt.01 of Law x F!Pregnant!Reader and as I had a few minutes left today, I decided to take them out of the draft.

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Perhaps not even the heavens knew how long he had waited for this moment. How much he feared that this moment would never come.

The path guided by the vivre card seemed further from what he imagined, tireless steps in a direction in which he was guided. But Law knew what that racing heart in him meant, the sweat on his hands, the anxiety on his body. He had managed to return to his family.

Law barely had time to prepare himself before he saw Bepo run towards him, his body immediately bent to support the weight of the huge bear on top of him. He couldn't deny it, he was happy to see the crew again and they were an essential part of the family.

The small makeshift house in Zou was more than enough for you and Rosi, in addition to the crewmates who sometimes stayed there to provide some help or company. However, this time you could hear a commotion outside, something atypical for the time of day. Still wearing a kitchen apron, preparing lunch for the two of you - three in this case, Ikkaku was distracting Rosi outside and would definitely be invited to join you, you tried to reach the knife you had used earlier. The tool stopped being necessary as soon as you saw the person you most looked forward to seeing enter right behind Bepo.

"Law?" your voice barely came out, barely kept up with the speed of your thoughts or your body throwing itself against his. "I was so worried!" at that moment, your voice was already breaking with the tears held in for so long.

"I'm sorry for not giving you any news." he began, pressing your body tight against his and filling every bit of skin he could find with kisses. "I missed you so much."

"Hey, where's the little one?" Bepo asked, looking around. You let go of your husband just enough to answer him.

"She and Ikkaku had left, but they should be arriving soon." Turning your attention to Law, you took his hand and guided him to the table. "I know you must be tired, but I need to know everything that happened."

Even though he was tired, Law knew he owed you that. Crewmates had given a little preview of your situation as soon as they saw you arrive. "And you just took a good ton off your wife's shoulders." The phrase still danced in his mind as he recounted his solo adventure in a more superficial way.

It didn't take long for the story to be interrupted again, but this time, with a little comfort for Law. Rosi's laugh reached his ears even before the girl appeared in his field of vision. However, something felt off.

"Daddy?" The laughter seemed to disappear as soon as she found her father's figure sitting at the table.

"My little princess!" Law got up excitedly to go towards her and saw her retreat and go behind Ikkaku and then run away to go back to the yard.

"Rosi!" Your tone of voice, despite not getting any louder, became firmer and all it took was an exchange of glances with Ikkaku for her to help you and go after the girl.

You could feel the gazes of the other companions burning in your direction and even Law analyzing you in a way that you knew he had doubts, but that would be for later.

"So… Luffy helped you?" Penguin tried to return to the topic and you could notice your husband continuing the conversation.

A much less interested tone of voice than before accompanied the small glances he took towards the door, waiting for his little one to return.

At lunch time, Ikkaku managed to bring the girl back and together, they had lunch. You and Law were still able to exchange topics between you, but you could both notice that the girl only exchanged words with Ikkaku and just moved the food from one side to the other.

"Dear?" your sweet voice tried to call her and you could see her eyes shining towards you, identical to Law's. "What happened? You barely ate."

"From what I remember, it's your favorite dish, isn't it?" Law added, having noticed the same thing.

The girl just looked at him and then at the plate. A small, barely audible "yes" left her lips, before she could push the plate away and leave the three of you adults behind at the table. The sigh coming from you was audible at the same time as you put your hands to your face and clearly frustrated, you went after your little girl.

"Captain?" Ikkaku caught his attention, who seemed still inert in the scene he had just witnessed, with a small murmur from him, she knew she could continue. "I know you have your worries and I bet you arrived tired, but…" she indicated where you were sitting at the table. "It wasn't just Rosi who didn't touch the food."

"What have I missed in this time away?" he asked immediately, seeing his crewmate get up and touch his shoulder, gently.

"It's been a difficult time captain. Your girls will soon be completely happy again."

Law had this dizzying thought in his head throughout the afternoon. Knowing that you were busy with Rosi and that his doubts would likely remain in the air, he sought out the second group of people he might know.

"I need help." Law arrived at the small circle, warning the other three that they were starting to walk in an unknown direction. "Can you help me?"

"We're going to have a drink, but speak up, captain." Shachi encouraged, throwing his arm over Law's shoulder.

"Have you lost the knack of seducing your own wife?" Penguin tried to do the same and ended up being pushed away just like the other one.

"Nothing like that. I want to know what happened to the two of them while I was away. What has been happening to my wife and daughter." Almost tangibly, Law felt the air become heavy and his colleagues' expressions became more serious. "I knew something had happened."

"You should ask your wife." Shachi insisted.

"No." Bepo interrupted. "We know she won't tell everything and that she and Rosi have been at it for a while."

"What happened?" Law said more rudely, he was no longer anything more than a bundle of worries.

"In the first few days, Rosi suffered a lot, I think it was a lot of different things all at once. But there was the small incident with the vivre card." the bear began, receiving the captain's full attention. "We know that at some point you were on the verge of death and well, they noticed."

"What do you mean they noticed?"

"Do you think a wife wouldn't look at the vivre card of her husband who went on a practically suicidal mission?" Penguin pointed out as if it were obvious. "We were all together and trying to calm her down. Rosi wasn't home, so we didn't worry too much.

"Fuck." Law murmured, suspicious of the direction that story could take. He remembered giving her the paper as a way of reassuring the girl. The plan had apparently gone wrong.

"So, they both saw you kind of die and come back into their hands. Ikkaku was with Rosi and took her back home…" Bepo seemed hesitant to continue, but Law's incisive look didn't allow it. "She was desperate, as any child would be, I think."

"After that, Rosi became like this, more quiet in her own way. It's been a bit of work to eat, to socialize, she seems to be keeping everything to herself." Shachi took on a serious tone that Law wasn't used to seeing.

Shit, shit and a thousand times shit.

"Captain!" Law felt Bepo pull him back. "I know you must be worried, but it's good to cool your head before talking to them."

"I just want to show them that I'm okay." he insisted, but gave up. Leaning against the nearest tree and taking a deep breath, trying to get your head straight. "I'm a terrible father."

"I do not think so." again, Shachi's rare serious tone appeared. "If it was, they wouldn't have missed you so much."

Night fell and Law hesitated a bit before entering the house again. He was the one who had caused the strange atmosphere, he was the one who was making his girls barely eat. How to live with that?

As soon as he entered, he could see you collecting some dishes, alone in the kitchen. Taking slow steps and being careful not to scare you, he wrapped his hands around your waist, letting his face sink into your neck.

"I know I have some things to retract." he murmured against your skin, placing a light kiss. "I know I owe a lot to you and our girl and I know I gave you both a real scare."

"Babe…"

"I'm sorry." he asked and found your eyes flooding, just the mention seemed to hurt you again. "Forgive me"

"I understand well how vivre cards work, but I won't deny the scare." you chose to leave most of the drama out, turning to him and watching Law dry the few tears that were running down your face.

"Our babygirl doesn't understand, does she?"

"Our babygirl doesn't understand." you agreed. "I talked to her today, she says she feels kind of sick when she's around you. I said luckily her dad is a great doctor. You should go talk to her." you insisted and saw him nod, but remain still, just taking in what to expect. "Honey, she's fine. She's just trying to deal with everything that happened. She loves you unconditionally."

"I-I'll go there."

It was like when he found out about your pregnancy or like when he held little Rosi in his arms for the first time. The nervousness, the insecurity of seeing little Rosi again.

He leaned against the doorstep and for a few seconds, he saw her distracted with some drawings on paper. From afar he could recognize Bepo, you and the others amidst the scribbles.

"Hey!" he tried to attract attention in a pleasant way, seeing the girl startle and look in his direction. "It's okay. Can I stay here for a little while?"

"Yes Dad." she replied in a low tone again.

Dodging some toys on the floor, he walked over to the bed, sitting down and looking around. It wasn't as crowded a room as hers at Polar Tang, but it felt cozy. Next to her pillow rested the small plush he had given as a gift, which was next to her hat - identical to his - and a photo of the two of them, taken in a park that Rosi made Law go to absolutely every attraction.

"Your drawings are cool." he tried to start a conversation and saw her nod. "Your mommy told me you haven't been feeling well."

"Yeah, I feel weird." she limited herself to punctuating, not knowing how to put into words what she felt.

"Come here so I can take a look." Law asked and stretched out his hand to her.

Rosi approached and letting his medical instincts guide, Law analyzed the girl from top to bottom, eyes, throat, everything within reach of his eyes. However, he could notice that the girl avoided looking directly at him.

"Let me see… Is this right too?" He squeezed her sides, tickling her. For a brief moment, Rosi allowed herself to laugh, but then pushed Law's arms away. "My love, tell me what you're feeling."

"I don't know." she murmured, her eyes looking away from him again.

Gently he took her small chin between his fingers and turned her towards him.

"You know you can trust me, don't you?" he asked and saw her nod, her bottom lip trembling slightly. "Explain to me in your own way, what you're feeling."

"Here, it feels like there's something here and it's burning, like it's stuck." she pointed to her throat and then to where her little heart was. "And here, sometimes it feels like someone is squeezing really hard."

"Squeezing hard?" he touched gently, feeling the girl's accelerated heartbeat.

It was a complex diagnosis and if Law didn't know what had happened - and how much love his relationship with his daughter carried, it would have been impossible to discover. But, he had a brief hunch.

"I think I know what it could be." he said, with a small smile on his lips. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." she nodded along.

Law held her small hands and brought them to his face, just like he did with his hands. As soon as she did, he could see her lip tremble even more. Poor little girl. What had he done to leave her without information?

"You can feel my face, can't you?" he asked and she nodded. "And you can feel me too, can't you?"

Law lightly squeezed one of her cheeks, trying in vain to get a laugh from the girl. He didn't know if he could handle the girl's tears.

"Now I want you to take a deep breath, like this…" he breathed in and saw her do the same. Soon after, he exhaled and saw her repeat the gesture too. "Can you keep doing that while daddy talks to you?"

Again the girl nodded, now her eyes seemed focused on every movement Law made. Trying to reassure her, Law let her take a deep breath before starting.

"I know I scared you and that you saw my vivre card disappear, I know you thought I was gone." Just those words were able to bring a few sobs out of the girl and Law would be lying if he said that his own eyes weren't burning. "I know that a lot has changed and that I wasn't here to help you. I wanted to apologize for that. Forgive me, my little princess?"

Rosi, who was already just sobs and tears, allowed herself to cry again after a while. Law didn't hesitate to hold the little girl in a hug, his eyes that used to burn now shed tears without hesitation.

"I - I thought y-you weren't... y-you weren't c-coming back." the girl said through sobs, each one breaking Law's heart.

"You and your mother are the most important things I have in my entire life. I would never leave you." he explained, seeing that it only made her cry even more. "I promise never do that again."

"Do you really promise?"

"With all my life." The girl's crying still seemed inconsolable and Law wondered for a brief moment how much hurt she had held, how many nights she had gone to sleep thinking that her own father would never return. "It's okay my love, I'm here. Daddy promises to never leave you."

In the distance, you could hear the crying and small words of reassurance exchanged between the two. Little by little, your little family was getting back on track.

As soon as the crying stopped, Law could see the girl's eyes get heavy and it didn't take long for her to fall asleep. One of her arms tied to his as if to prevent him from disappearing from her sight. Her diagnosis was almost as simple as the one he had given himself: she just missed him, the same as he missed his little girl.

[solurae]

four eyes (more to love underneath the frames) : prologue

nerd!miguel o’hara is the talk of the town and i wanna put my own spin on it :D sooo expect a little bit of everything hehe :DDD - HAHA AS I WAS WRITING THIS I REALISED I GOT TOO INVESTED SETTING THE SCENE SO I MIGHT MAKE THIS A SERIES! i’ll just say this is a prologue hooray

IF YOU WOULD LIKE A SERIES PLS INTERACT!!! FEEL FREE TO ASK TOO TO SHARE YOUR MIGGY THOUGHTS AND I WILL HAPPILY INDULGE US BOTH :3

a distinct pair of black, rectangular glasses were adjusted by miguel’s middle finger before it glided across the pages of notes he wrote from the lecture for his genetics class. a class that you both happen to share, but neither of you knew that yet.

miguel o’hara - a man so deep in his books that he might as well be the dean of the dean’s list - payed no heed to anyone or anything that could hinder his focus. the furrowing of brows indicated further analysis rather than the annoyance towards second year business majors. no, he wasn’t the annoying, stuck-up person who would ask more questions than give answers. he thinks they’re wasting their time anyway. he was always the last person to leave the lecture theatre. miguel would be huddled by the professor, covering the whiteboard with punnett squares or outlining control variables for the next lab.

he was only person in your genetics class that had a real chance of passing the course, the scowls of your peers and your friends could attest to that.

you wouldn’t say you were on the same boat as everyone though, your friends were always nagging you to help them but you couldn’t even figure out how you understood some of the content. this specific course was an integral part of your degree and the best chance of impressing the school, you had to give it your all.

you would be lying if genetic sequences and chromosomes weren’t the only things you had memorised. you loved the hue of brown locks that would shine from the tall windows of the theatre, the curls which your eyes would follow forever if he happened to sit in front of you. the pout of his lips as he’d scratch his hair in response to a lab practical that didn’t make sense, only for him to make sense of it hours later.

his eyes were red. it was his most defining feature, and a key factor to why - to your advantage, if you really think about it - people steer clear of o’hara. as much as it increases your chances of befriending him, let alone being with him, your classmates and other students weren’t so quiet about their dislike for the irish-mexican spectacle.

he’s so quiet. too quiet.

he looks like a freak! look at his eyes, bro. what is he some fucking vampire or something?

no wonder he’s on the dean’s list because he isn’t on anyone else’s for sure.

god he’s just so…

weird.

miguel was extremely fit, which was what confused a lot of people when they found out he wasn’t a copy-paste jock that still thinks they’re in highschool like most men of his stature were. his build put them to shame regardless. after being bombarded by women and men of every cohort - only for miguel to ignore them or coldly decline - word spread like wildfire and soon enough people were disappointed that the former heart-throb of first and second year turned out to be a major loser. some people would go out of their way to show how much they don’t like him, and these are people miguel’s never even spoken to. they would “crash” into him walking across campus, try and trip him over and even go as far as sitting on the other side of the room if it wasn’t so clear already.

but he didn’t mind. he was always at the library, the lab or the cafeteria closest to the lab anyway. it bothered you to see him alone and quiet unless he had a question or an answer, you genuinely wanted to be friends with him.

but as the story goes, it’s always these type of men that have a part of themselves they keep under wraps. you just know that there’s more to his brooding and stoic nature, the carnelian shades of his eyes lured you closer as opposed to keeping you away.

you decided to do honours for two reasons: a better resume and the fact that miguel unsurprisingly decided to do it too. you had a thesis in your head and you had all year to test it out.

miguel o’hara was more than just some nerd and you were gonna need more than glasses to prove it.

🩷 — PART ONE!

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 14 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley's notebook reads like poetry to your soul, and some inexplicable part of you feels like it's healing. He takes the time to give you the care and attention you need, and you do the same for him. After a weekend where you let yourself live in a cozy bubble with him, work on Monday jarred you back to reality.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff, smut

Length: 6000 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

Bradley was home. He'd been craving this comfort since he left, but the uncertainty of how you and he would react when you saw each other had been adding to his anxiety after the mission. He wanted to tell you all about it, but it just didn't seem as important as being near you. 

He knew you had dinner ready to reheat, and he wanted to sit with you snuggled up on his lap and share a plate of food. But first he carried you from the laundry room, both of you in your underwear, and into the bedroom with Tramp in hot pursuit. "I think both of you missed me," Bradley whispered, kissing your cheek when he set you down. 

"We did," you promised, and he dropped down to the floor to play with the dog for a few minutes. There was no way Tramp would calm down until he'd been given a little bit of attention. And then Bradley could focus on you for the rest of the night. For the rest of the weekend. Forever.

"Roo?" you asked quietly, and Bradley looked up at you as you showed him the notebook. "What is this?"

You must have taken it out of his duffle bag as you were unpacking his dirty clothes for him. When he looked up into your eyes, they looked guarded. You were apprehensive. He hated that he ever made you feel like you couldn't be exactly who you were around him. And while he never meant to share those words with you or anyone else, he found that the idea of you reading them didn't feel wrong to him. 

He was on his feet right away. "You can look at it, Sweetheart. It's just some things I wrote down while I was away. Bob kind of got me hooked on keeping a journal."

You skimmed through the pages again before you met his eyes. "The whole notebook is almost filled," you said. "And you wrote my name in here a lot."

Bradley cupped your cheeks in his hands and kissed you softly. "That's because you're on my mind more than anything else." He watched you smile, and then he added, "It's a notebook about you. About us. About how I'm going to be exactly what you need."

He kissed your forehead as you whispered, "Will you let me read it?"

Very gently, he took it from your hand and set it down on the bed. "Yes. But I need to eat dinner first. I'm starving. You know carrier food tastes like cardboard, and I've been dreaming about you sitting on my lap at our table."

When you nodded and took him by the hand, Bradley stuck to you as you led him into the kitchen and over to the refrigerator. He reached down one plate and didn't leave your side as you heated up the food. When you spun in his arms to face him, he could feel the slightly raised goosebumps on your arms; neither of you actually put any additional clothing on when you were in the bedroom. 

"You want me to go grab you one of my shirts or something?" he asked, rubbing his big hands along your arms. 

"I thought you were going to keep me warm. Are you all talk now?" Your raised eyebrow was playful, but it was time for Bradley to get serious about what was going on here. 

"Talk and action, Baby Girl. When you want me to keep you warm, I'll keep you warm. And you can read my notebook. And then we can spend the weekend working on us."

You relaxed into his touch as he soothed your goosebumps away with his hands, and soon you were perched on his lap at the dining room table. One bite of the Marry Me Rooster, and Bradley just knew he was going to gain five pounds this weekend. It was that fucking good. And it felt incredible to have you with him. He even tossed a small piece of chicken to Tramp. 

"So Jake and Cat?" he asked, kissing your bare shoulder as you took a bite of dinner. "Sounds like I missed a lot."

"Oh, you did, Roo." Then you filled him in on everything you could think of. He had to laugh at the idea of Hondo at his house, because all Bradley could imagine was the man yelling at him to do push ups in his own living room. When you mentioned Jeremiah, Bradley didn't feel as desperate as maybe he would have a few months ago. It would be nice, but he didn't need it. He needed you. 

"And you're feeling good?" he asked, pulling you a little closer as you ate the last bite of food. "You look beautiful."

"Yeah," you replied, snuggling up against his chest and shoulder, tracing his scars and tattoo with your fingers. "I feel good. I told Dr. Genevieve that I want to fix this, not throw it away. There's too much between us that's perfect."

And that was it. Bradley wasn't perfect. Neither were you, but you were much closer than he was. But somehow when the two of you mixed together, it worked beautifully until he had lost sight of making sure you were happy and taken care of. 

"Perfect," he agreed softly. "I want to be with you more than I want anything else. I need you at this point. When I realized how much I hurt you after your promotion banquet and before I left on deployment, it felt like I'd never be able to breathe correctly again." He tilted your chin up so you were looking at him as your warm hand grazed his paper airplane tattoo. "You're my wife, and you deserve my respect. And I want to take care of you. And maybe we'll have a kid someday. And maybe not. But the stress isn't what we need, Sweetheart. I'm sorry."

You scrambled around in his lap so your arms were wrapped tight around his neck. Bradley had missed this feeling. And if he was being honest, it was longer ago than the start of his two month deployment that he felt this good. But now you were crying. 

"I'm sorry I let myself hurt so much inside before I told someone about it," you sobbed. 

He squeezed you tighter until he could feel your heartbeat against his chest. "Don't apologize for that. Please. I know you're strong. I know you want to be strong. I know you were focused on getting pregnant. But we don't need that. Like I said before, I'd be lucky to get to spend the rest of my life with you. Just you. And I'll make sure you know it."

Your voice broke as you cried, and Bradley just kept holding you. He had no idea how much time passed, but eventually your breathing evened out and your heart rate slowed, and he found himself wiping tears from his own eyes. You kissed his ear and whispered, "You're enough for me, too."

And that sounded beautiful to him.

-----------------------------

When you finally climbed off of Bradley's lap, you missed the warmth of his body immediately, and he looked like he felt the same way. He jumped up, and when you reached for the dirty dish, he took your hand in his instead. "I'll clean up if you want to take a bath," he whispered. 

You tugged him closer, and he abandoned the table, soft brown eyes on yours. "Come with me?"

"Yes," he responded immediately. 

Both of you were already stripped down to your underwear, and you undressed completely as Bradley started to fill the tub. Then he stripped out of his boxer briefs and got two fluffy, yellow towels ready for when you were done. You tested the water with your toes, and then he held your hand as you climbed in. You realized you hadn't taken a single bath while he had been away. You preferred taking them with him.

"I'll be right back," he told you with a quick kiss to your forehead. And you tried to settle back against the tub, but the edge was cold against your shoulders. And the overhead light was too bright. And he was taking too long. 

But when he returned with his phone and an opened bottle of the pink champagne you had tucked away in the back of the refrigerator, you immediately felt better. His phone was softly playing a song from the ten hour long playlist he made for you when he was deployed while you were dating, and he propped it up near the towels as he handed you the bottle. Then he turned off the light, leaving only the soft orange glow from the bedroom filtering in through the door. 

"Roo," you whispered, and then he was there, easing himself into the water. With a soft grunt, he settled against the tub and pulled you close so your back rested against his chest. "You opened champagne?"

"Yeah. Being home is something to celebrate." His arms snaked around your waist and his voice was deep, chest rumbling when he spoke. And you took a sip of it. And your senses were overwhelmed. There were so many things happening at once that you loved and hadn't let yourself enjoy for such a long time. 

His voice, the bubbles on your tongue, a song you loved, the scent of your bubble bath. You felt like you'd deprived yourself for an age. "I love this," you whispered before taking another sip, and then Bradley's mustache was on your neck. 

Your eyes fluttered closed as you reached back with the bottle, offering it to him. "Nah, you have some more," he replied. "My hands are full." His arms were wrapped around your middle like he was trying to remember the exact feel of you. His knees were bent, and your body was pressed intimately to his, but all he did was kiss your neck and hold you. He sang along softly to whichever song was playing, eventually accepting the bottle of champagne when you offered it again and taking a sip. 

"I hope you don't deploy again for a long time," you whispered when you let him finish off the bottle. "Because I want to do this with you every night. Well, minus the expensive champagne."

Bradley chuckled against the curve of your neck as he adjusted himself in the tub. The slosh of water across your shoulders had you shivering as the water had cooled. "You want expensive champagne every day? I'll buy it by the case."

"I just want you."

"I'm yours." His lips were pressed to your spine. "We'll do this all the time."

A few minutes later,  you reluctantly climbed out of the tub as you shivered, and you wrapped yourself up in one of the fluffy towels. Bradley headed back into the bedroom after he brushed his teeth and kissed your cheek. As you brushed yours and removed your contacts, you thought perhaps calling it an early night was just what you needed. 

When you joined him in the bedroom, Bradley was dressed in clean underwear, and he had his worn UVA shirt on your pillow waiting for you. You slipped it on and adjusted your glasses as he pulled the covers back for you. And that's when you noticed the notebook on his nightstand. 

"You can read what you want to," he said, reaching for it and handing it over. "I'm not trying to hide anything from you. But some of this was hard for me to write. So keep that in mind."

"Okay," you whispered, opening it to the first page which you had skimmed earlier, as he gathered you against his side. And you sat there with him, leaning against the headboard as his warm hand kept you anchored as you read silently.

Baby Girl, when I think about you, I think about the rest of my life spread out in front of me. And it's not exactly like a map, because I don't know where we are going or where we will end up. But I feel safe when I'm with you. Even though so much is unknown. 

I never thought I could be enough for someone else. Enough that they would want me around or want to get to know me. I didn't know I could be important enough to be in a long relationship with someone or get married. And it makes me ache whenever your self doubt is something that I caused, because you do the opposite for me. You make me feel like I'm good enough for you. You gave me a fucking purpose. You're the reason I dropped every other bad habit I had in exchange for just the hope that you might look at me. 

"Oh, Roo," you gasped, tears rapidly filling your eyes as you dropped the notebook onto his abs and wrapped your arms around his neck. 

"You didn't even make it to the end of the first page without crying," he whispered as your tears wet his cheek. "Want me to put it away?"

"No," you said, voice shaking. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever read."

-----------------------

Once Bradley was able to wipe away most of your tears with his thumbs, your eyes were bright and focused on him. "Will you read it to me?" you asked so softly that he probably wouldn't have been able to hear you except that your lips were brushing his. He nodded gently and gathered you against his side again. When he picked up the notebook, he felt himself flushing from embarrassment. 

It was so personal. It was one thing when you were reading it to yourself, but hearing himself say the words that he had written? Out loud? He gently cleared his throat and took a deep breath, picking up where you left off. As soon as he spoke, your arm tightened across his chest.

"And then you did look at me. Like I was someone who was worth your time. And you spoke to me like my words could be important to you. And you touched me like you'd be careful with me. And you kissed me like you didn't want it to stop. And then I started to feel different, like maybe I appreciated myself a little bit more. 

I wanted to kiss you that first night at the Hard Deck after I bumped your stool. I wanted to do a lot more than that. Sometimes I wonder what you would have done if I had tried it. I couldn't stop thinking about you after that. For days, weeks. Fuck, I still think about that night. I still can't stop thinking about you. If I could just kiss you right now and feel the weight of your hands on my body, then I would be fine. My problems would feel manageable, because I would be with you. 

You deserve to have a husband who takes the pressure off of you, not one who adds more. And if you'll just give me one more chance to show that I understand that, I won't waste your time.

You've always been different. You've always been what I wanted whether I deserve you or not."

He stopped at the end of the first page and set the notebook aside. That was enough for one night. He was exhausted, and you were crying again. And he wasn't exactly sure if they were good tears or the worrying kind. 

"Baby Girl, are you alright?" he asked, rubbing his hand along your back as you nodded into his neck.

"Yeah," you whispered, sniffing as you tried to speak. "I just never heard you talk about me so.... matter of factly."

Bradley laughed softly. "That's because the notebook was really supposed to be for me."

"I like it too much," you said, rubbing your forehead against his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he promised as you snuggled in for the night. He pulled the blanket up higher over both of you, and before he actually turned the light out, he picked up the notebook one more time. "Close your eyes. There's one more page I want to read to you right now. But you have to promise you'll go to sleep right afterwards, because I'm already a little embarrassed just thinking about it."

"Okay."

Bradley licked his lips as he located the correct page in the middle of the notebook and scanned it before he started reading very softly. 

"My life feels like a dream. Like an actual goddamn dream. The kind I started to have shortly after my mom died. The ones where she was there, and I could feel her touching my hair and holding my hand. I was missing that kind of touch that kept me grounded, because I felt so out of control in my own skin too much of the time. 

I didn't think I was starving for attention or affection. The surface kind wasn't hard to come by. I just didn't know there could be more. And then I met my wife, and maybe I always knew she was going to be my wife someday. The way I stuttered and couldn't walk correctly when she looked at me. The way her smile and the curve of her cheek made me think about touching her. The way her voice filled my mind when I was alone. Fuck. I didn't know. I had no idea. I was absolutely starving for this kind of affection."

You were asleep, your breathing even and calm. And Bradley felt like he could sleep now, too. Once the light was turned off, he very carefully took your hand and laced his fingers with yours. "Roo," you murmured in your sleep, wrapping your leg around his a little tighter. 

"I love you." He kissed your knuckles and your rings, and then he dozed off, too.

-------------------------

Bradley was beautiful in the morning light. His cheeks were a little rosy from sleep, and his lips were gently parted, face turned toward you. When you stroked his mustache gently with your thumb, a soft smile appeared on his lips. Something had helped heal part of you overnight. Maybe it was the notebook. Or the bath. Or just having him with you after weeks of feeling so uncertain. But you felt lighter. You had slept so soundly. 

When you tried to roll away and let him sleep longer, his arm tightened around you like a vice, and you squeaked. "Stay with me," he rasped. That voice went right through you and made your body stand at attention. Your nipples were tight peaks, and you had to squeeze your thighs around his left leg where your bare core was rubbing him like you had no control of yourself. 

You whimpered. You couldn't help it. He was looking up at you, his brown eyes wide and suddenly alert. "Sorry," you gasped, your thighs tightening around him again. You ducked your head in embarrassment, but Bradley took your hand in his and kissed your palm before sliding it down his warm body underneath the blanket. He leaned up to kiss your lips as your fingers skimmed along the front of his boxer briefs. He was hard, and now you had no idea why you were apologizing to him. You dipped your hand inside the elastic and whispered, "I want you," as you wrapped your fingers around his heavy erection. 

Wordlessly, he rolled you onto your back, keeping his left thigh wedged in place where you were wet now. He kissed your lips gently, tucking his fingers behind your neck and letting them tangle with your necklace chain. "I need you," he swore. "Need."

You nodded your head slowly and arched your back so he could push the soft tee shirt up a little higher. You knew how good it could be with him, and it had been so long since he'd been this tender. He kept that one big hand at the back of your neck while the other roamed your body, and he took the time to touch you everywhere. Sometimes his lips were on yours. Sometimes he was just watching your face as you made soft noises just for him. 

When his gaze traveled down your belly, you felt him trace your dainty, single line rooster tattoo with the tip of one finger. He traced it over and over again, the sensation just on the verge of being ticklish. But all he was doing was stoking your desire for him. He leaned down and kissed you just below your belly button. "We belong together," he whispered, worshipping your belly and hips with his mouth. "And I want to hear you say it."

You took a ragged breath as he kissed your thigh and dragged his mustache along your pussy. When you bucked off the bed for him, he grunted and kissed his way up until he was nudging the shirt over your breasts, exposing your taut nipples. 

"We belong together, Bradley," you moaned as his lips wrapped around your nipple. His fingertips felt rough on your other breast, but his touch was still tender. And you didn't care that you were rubbing your core along his thigh, nudging his length over and over again. Because he was grunting your name and licking long stripes across your breasts. 

When he looked up at you with the warmest eyes, you took his face gently in your hands, and guided him to your lips for a kiss. "Please," you whispered. "Oh, Roo. Please forgive me for the last time we had sex. I should have never treated you or us like an obligation."

His lips mashed against yours with a need that took your breath away. He wasn't an obligation. Your husband was as urgent and crucial as your own heartbeat. He was a necessity. He was something you needed to cherish. "I love you. I love you." 

"I'll never stop," he promised as you reached down, bumping his cheek with your nose, and eased the waistband of his underwear down. When you nodded, he didn't hesitate. Bradley guided himself inside you, stretching you and filling you. The slow, intentional roll of his hips left you smiling as you raked your fingers through his hair. This felt the way it used to. And Bradley was smiling, too. Kiss after incredible kiss. And there was no rush. No expectations. Just sweet morning sex with your husband after eight weeks apart. 

And he knew what to do, because he knew every inch of your body and every noise you made. He made you cum as you ground up against him, your fingers tight in his hair. "Oh god!" you whined, that gorgeous clenching feeling rocking through your core. His thrusts grew shallow as he tipped his head to hold eye contact with you as he came. 

He whispered a ragged, "I love you, Baby Girl," before he tucked his face against your neck while you held him. It was perfect. He gave you exactly what you needed like a wrapped gift you wanted to keep opening. 

"Can we... could we just be like this again?" you asked him after a moment. 

There was no hesitation to his response. "Yes."

You traced his scars with your fingers and kissed his forehead until you thought maybe he had fallen asleep with his cock still cradled inside your body. But he ran his hand along your arm and whispered, "I'm happy I'm home with you. I'll make your coffee." 

And two sweet kisses later, he gently withdrew himself and climbed out of bed. You watched him pull his boxer briefs back up, and then he smiled at you before Tramp followed him out of the room. You gave yourself a minute alone in bed. The passages in that notebook made you feel like Bradley had set you down on a pedestal. You felt like a priority again. And he seemed more than willing to listen to you and talk to you about the things that needed to change. Dr. Genevieve was going to be so pleased when you spoke with her again. 

When you walked into the kitchen in your tee shirt with Bradley's sticky cum on your thighs, you gasped. "What did you do?"

Your French press was broken on the counter, and Bradley was cleaning up spilled coffee with paper towels. "You weren't supposed to come out here yet," he said, wincing. "I got one good cup out of it before I broke it. Your breakfast is on the table." 

You walked into the dining room to find a plate with two pieces of burnt toast and jelly along with one mug of steaming coffee. You laughed and called him in with you. "Just let me make lunch, okay?" 

"Yeah," he agreed as you pushed him down onto the chair and climbed onto his lap. You fed him a bite of very crunchy toast as he added, "I ordered you a new French press already. Stainless steel this time. My hands were always a little too big for this one. And I can't even believe I like this fancy shit." He took a sip from the mug. "And sorry this toast is disgusting."

You couldn't stop laughing at how normal this felt. "Like I said, I'll make lunch." He let you finish the rest of the coffee as he traced a little pattern along your bare thigh. 

"What are we doing today?" he asked, looking at you with one raised eyebrow.

You just shrugged. "I mean... I didn't really have anything planned, because I was just so anxious for you to get home. But if you want to go out, I'll have to clean all your cum off my legs."

He just shook his head. "Let's stay in all weekend until we have to go to work on Monday morning. And you can just keep my cum anywhere you feel like."

You giggled as you stuffed the last bite of toast into his mouth, and it looked like he was going to cry. Then you just sat in the dining room with him and played with his hair for a while. Having no plans and nothing to do would hopefully give you both the opportunity to talk through some more things, but when you yawned, Bradley scooped you up and carried you back to the bedroom. 

"Let's take a nap," he whispered, like it was a secret you should keep from the rest of the world. And you supposed it was as he wrapped you up in his arms. You fell asleep with his hands tucked up inside your shirt and his lips on your neck. 

----------------------------

Bradley knew there was still a lot to talk about. Every time you asked him for more details about his deployment, he was hesitant to mention Slayer or Admiral Dean or anything that happened. This reunion weekend was everything he had hoped it could be. A lazy Saturday lunch out on the back patio. Sex in the shower. Cuddling on the couch. And Bradley reading to you from the notebook. 

Sometimes you cried, sometimes you held him. Once you gave him a blowjob while he was reading it to you. No, this weekend felt like you and he were getting back to basics, and he didn't want to ruin it with deployment talk. That shit didn't matter now that he was with you again. 

"Will you read another page to me?" you asked after lunch on Sunday, leading him back to the bedroom. "And then you can tell me more about your deployment?"

"Anything you want," he promised, pulling you down into bed with him. He found the bookmarked spot and opened up to that page, and as you kissed his cheek, he started to read.

And the words meant something important to you. He could tell. Even though it was hard to do, he kept working his way through the notebook. You already had some favorite passages that he dog-eared for you. He'd read the same thing to you as you fell asleep on Friday night and on Saturday night. And you kept telling him that you loved him. 

After he finished reading and set the notebook aside, he kissed the tears away from your cheeks and rolled you onto your back. You bit your lip as you looked up at him and said, "You know how you told me that you'd be okay with just us? Just me and you? If I never get pregnant?"

"Yes," he replied easily. While he knew this topic had been just below the surface, he honestly hadn't given it too much thought all weekend. He felt like he was back in honeymoon mode, just trying to make you smile. 

"You meant it?"

"Yes. I'd rather be happy here with you than have anything else any day of the week."

You seemed to accept his answer as you raked your fingers through his hair. "Roo, I... don't think I want to stop trying. But I don't want to have to focus all of my energy on it. I don't want to constantly think about my cycles and my fertility like before."

"I agree," he replied. "I want us to have sex when we want to, just like we've been doing all weekend. Because it's fun, and I love it. And I love you. And if you get pregnant, then we'll figure it out. And if you don't, then we'll still be perfect. Or we can talk to a doctor together at some point. Or not. We don't have to decide that yet. We can be just us, Sweetheart."

"Just us," you reiterated. 

"And Tramp."

"Well, obviously," you said, turning to look where he was lounging on his little bed. You were smiling when you looked back at Bradley. "Let me feed you leftovers for dinner."

"Thank you for not making me eat any more toast of my own making," he whispered.

You laughed. "I love you too much for that."

After another shared plate of dinner and dozens of kisses, Bradley coaxed you into the living room to watch a movie. He put on one of your favorites and smirked as you shimmied out of your shorts and underwear before joining him on the couch. "What are you doing?" he rasped, lounging along the length of the couch. He tucked his hands back behind his head and let you untie his gray sweatpants and pull them down to his knees. He had skipped underwear at your insistence, and now he was twitching for you.

You carefully straddled his waist, and Bradley's erection was tapping you eagerly on your ass. "Warming your cock?" you asked so innocently, leaning down to kiss his nose. "Is that okay?"

Bradley groaned and said, "Hell yes." He slowly slipped his cock into your pussy, and he closed his eyes and counted to ten as you wigged around before settling chest to chest with him. You seemed half focused on the movie, preferring to press gentle kisses to his face and neck instead as you held hands. The soft clenching of your pussy around him as you loved on him was almost too much. But he didn't want it to stop. He focused all of his energy and attention on you while the movie played.

"You're making me feel so good, Baby Girl," he crooned, stroking your cheek while you kissed and licked along the scars on the side of his neck. "I love this body," he added, squeezing a nice handful of your ass. 

You moaned softly, and he enjoyed the fluttering feeling of your arousal as you told him how much you missed him. You rolled your hips with the occasional soft thrust, and Bradley just remained rock hard and ready for you to take this wherever you wanted to. You were soaking wet and warm and inviting. And when the movie ended you started to fuck him, your eyes closing as you came after a few strokes. 

You started shivering in Bradley's arms as you said, "You felt too good. I couldn't go any longer."

He held you in place and thrust up into you. "My only goal is to make you feel good in every way." But then he was panting, and he only lasted a few more strokes too, after spending so long inside you. And your fingers were in his hair and your lips were on his cheek, and he didn't know how he was supposed to help himself when you loved him like this.

When you started to shift, Bradley grabbed your hips. "Don't move, don't move," he begged. "Just let me stay like this. For a minute." 

Your cheek came to rest on his chest as you traced his paper airplane tattoo and sighed. And all he wanted to do was skip work all week and keep this going.

-------------------------------

Monday morning was an obnoxious wake up call after the weekend spent with Bradley. You'd taken a few minutes to call your parents so they could talk to Bradley. Then another bath rounded out Sunday night, followed by listening to him read another two pages from his notebook. His words were poetry, and when you told him that, he laughed. But they were the most beautiful thing you'd ever heard in your life, so you thought it was actually a pretty good description of what he had written. 

The two of you got dressed in your uniforms in the morning, and Bradley apologized again for the broken French press and placed a Starbucks pickup order for you to grab on your way to work. And then the two of you made out in the living room. You just made out with your husband with no further expectations than simply enjoying his lips on yours and his hands on your butt and the little sound of your nametag tapping his pins. 

"We need to leave," he whispered before sucking on your bottom lip. Your fingers had messed up his tidy hair, and you were going to work with puffy lips now. 

"I can be a little late," you told him, making him laugh. So he backed you up against the wall and kissed along your neck until you were giggling from the prickle of his mustache. 

You eventually made it to work with your fancy coffee and a smile on your face. Bradley hadn't mentioned anything about your cycle all weekend long. You felt a brand new energy humming through your body. Cat laughed when she saw you, and you wanted to ask if she'd talked to Jake. You also wanted to see your friends at lunch, but there was honestly too much to get done. Tomorrow would be another day. Today you'd get as much of your work done as you could and then go home to Bradley. 

You worked straight through until almost three o'clock when you were sitting in the lab, finalizing some math before it was submitted. Your computer pinged with an email from your boss's boss's boss. You almost never heard from Admiral Yates directly. You tapped it open and your blood ran cold. This had to be some sort of mistake as you skimmed down to the second paragraph.

I need the audio communication pulled from the special mission on the USS Theodore Roosevelt from April 21st, and I need the coding to be verified on everything before it is submitted. Have it ready by midnight tonight. This is for the court-martial of ADM. BECKETT DEAN and LT. HARRIS "Slayer" HAINES (docket MT47489). This is regarding the incident involving LT. NATASHA "Phoenix" TRACE, LT. ROBERT "Bob" FLOYD, LCDR. BRADLEY "Rooster" BRADSHAW....

There were more names, but you couldn't read them. You almost fell out of your seat after you saw your husband's name listed as part of a group involved in some sort of incident. Something bad enough that comms needed to be verified. And then it occurred to you that as many times as you had asked Bradley for details about his deployment, he had given you none. The perfect bubble of the weekend felt like it just popped in your face. You thought you might throw up as you dug your phone out of your pocket.

------------------------------

I feel like Roo and BG can breathe again! But maybe he should have taken the time to talk about his deployment. Oh, Bradley. Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 15

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[ikissjae]

PAIRING … jung jaehyun x female!reader

THEMES … college!au. angst! lot more angst in this one. smut.

LENGTH … 7.7k.

WARNINGS … thigh riding. dry humping. virgin!reader and fuckboy jaehyun. cheating. please let me know if i missed something! MINORS DNI.

NOTES … i wrote this fic literally years ago as a someone i don't acknowledge anymore fic lol! this is a prequel to "During the Fall" and a continuation of "The Start of Spiring" which I will link in the source link below! hope yall enjoy! rbs, comments, and asks are always appreciated ♡

ㅤㅤㅤ© ikissjae 2023. translating and/or reposting is not allowed.

Jaehyun: hey

Jaehyun: are you up?

You looked up from the patronizing word document to see the texts lighting up your phone. You rubbed your eyes a little before grabbing the device, blinking a few times at the bright screen. Of course, you were up, you had an essay due before 5:30 AM and here you were at 2 AM struggling with a conclusion. You leaned back against your headboard scrolling through the texts you had previously shared with Jaehyun, a smile appearing on your lips when you saw the blurry photos of him from the party where you two met.

You haven’t seen Jaehyun since that party, so almost a month now, which you didn’t mind. He’d text you at least once a week, and he’d send you cute selfies on Snapchat, so he did keep his promise. He didn’t forget you. That’s all you really wanted from him. You could tell he wasn’t the ‘relationship’ type if you were being honest neither were you. It wasn’t that you didn’t want a relationship it’s more like you have these weird commitment issues, you would rather be alone forever than have your heart broken. Weird, yes, but it was safe, you liked being safe.

You: yah i’m up

You: why are you even up go to sleep big head

Jaehyun: my head isn’t even big ://

Jaehyun: i miss you i wanna see you

You stared at your phone, brows furrowed as your eyes glanced up at the time then back at the bubbles sighing quietly. You never had a boy in your apartment after ten, except that one time when you and Doyoung were cramming for finals last semester, and who knew what Jaehyun had on his mind at 2 AM. You sighed quietly reading the message for what felt like the tenth time before slowly typing out your response.

You: i mean…if you really miss me….you can come over

Jaehyun: ……..are you sure

You: come over before i change my mind loser

Jaehyun: alright alright i’ll be over in ten minutes

You felt your stomach twist at the last message but there was an unexplainable excited smile on your lips. Your eyes landed back on your almost-finished essay, you knew you should just throw together a pathetic conclusion and turn it in, but you couldn’t even focus on that. Jaehyun was coming over to your apartment. You were gonna see him again.

You were back and forth from typing a mindless conclusion to staring at the door for the past ten minutes. You managed to finish your essay, it was shitty but it was finished, you were now staring at your now screen sighing quietly looking back up at the door waiting impatiently with a quiet sigh.

It wasn’t that you wanted Jaehyun here, you were bored with nothing to do, Jaehyun was going to be something to do. Suddenly, there were a series of rhythmic knocks.

You squeaked excitedly, jumping up off the bed with an equally excited smile practically skipping to the door. You hated how excited you were to see him, you shouldn’t be this excited to see a boy who wasn’t even your boyfriend, but you were practically bouncing to open the door.

When you opened the door you were greeted with the beautiful sight of Jung Jaehyun wearing a large black hoodie with matching black sweatpants, his hood was up but you could see his highlighted hair falling on his forehead, he looked cozy and welcoming. He made your heart stutter a little bit, you couldn’t help but giggle softly up at him which made him smirk down at you.

“So that’s what you look like without fake eyelashes.” He teased tapping your nose sweetly with a deep chuckle. You scrunched your face up before you realize you were sporting a bare face, your hair was in its natural waves, and you were wearing some baggy sweatshirt. You probably look like a different person than the one he met at the party, a softer more comfy version, you were wishing you at least put on some concealer while you were wasting time staring at the door.

“Shut up.” 

You giggled stepping to the side to let him walk into your small apartment smiling softly. The boy took one long step inside the room, he looked around a soft smile growing on his lips as he took in your messy room.

“Who would’ve guessed you’re an actual wreck.” He teased pointing to your messy makeup corner with a soft giggle, you opened your mouth to defend yourself but he was right. You were, in fact, a wreck, if that wasn’t already apparent by you finishing an essay at 2 AM.

“I mean…You’re not wrong.” You shrugged kicking a few t-shirts into a corner with a small almost nervous chuckle as you looked up at him, a bright smile forming on your lips. You used your foot to close your door, sauntering over to him with a shy smile on your pink-tinted lips.

“I missed you, whore,” you told him quietly causing him to laugh softly, resting his hands on your hips , smiling down at you.

“I missed you too, virgin.” he laughed softly pinching your sides, making you squeal quietly, shoving his hands away laughing quietly, looking up at him as you took a step back sitting on your bed staring up at him.

“Virgin? Come on, Jaehyun you can do better.” You patted the space next to you, watching him sit down with an almost tired smile, playing with the fraying edge of your sweatshirt.

There is a silence, almost uncomfortable but not quite there, he let his fingers brush your thighs softly as he continued playing with the loose strings. You smiled softly at him, you could feel your heart swelling as you looked at him, slowly letting your hand push his hood down humming softly when you saw his dirty blond hair.

“You got highlights.” You smiled running a gentle hand through his hair, which was soft and silky, making him nod a little letting his hand drop. 

“You like it? I was having a crisis.” He chuckled letting his hand fall onto your thigh causing you to tense up a little, but you let it happen even resting your hand on top of his taking a step out of your comfort zone.

“It’s cute.” You tell him with a slight nod, blushing softly as he laced his fingers with yours. He smiled happily at your compliment, squeezing your hand softly pulling your hand up to press a soft kiss to your palm.

“I like dark roots a lot. I’ve always wanted to go blond with some dark roots, but I’ve never been bold enough to do it. I don’t know how I would look as a blond.” Jaehyun tilted his head at you, letting his hand grab a lock softly, twirling the strands around his finger, he smirked softly at the thought of you with blond hair.

“I’d like to see you as a blond. I think you’d look really hot, especially with the dark roots.” He tells you with a subtle wink making you blush softly, shoving his hand away softly.

“Shut up,” you told him weakly with a soft laugh looking up at him before quietly resting your head on his shoulder, humming softly into his hoodie.

“How have you been, baby?” He asks quietly running a hand up and down your spine, giving you a soft squeeze as you shrugged softly.

“I’m tired. I’m ready for summer break, ready to go home, ready to sleep regularly.” You told him honestly with a restless laugh.

“Where’s home?” He asked you before quietly patting his lap, waiting for you to move there. You look up at him scooting hesitantly towards him, you felt your stomach twist tightly as you slowly climbed into his lap keeping your back towards him. 

“America.” You told him as you situated yourself on his thick thighs nodding at your answer.

“America?” He pondered out loud, “Are you all by yourself here?” He was asking a lot of questions, you couldn’t imagine him really wanting to know more about your life, he only wanted to fuck you right? You nodded a little, letting your fingers skate softly over the black fabric, feigning an unbothered smile.

“Yeah, I do but it’s fine. I love Seoul, it’s beautiful.” You nod looking back at him before looking back down with a small shrug. 

“Where is your home?” You asked out of courtesy turning your head back towards him to see him smiling lazily at you, you gave him a subtle eye roll before squeezing his thigh in hopes of a response.

“Here. I was born here but moved to Connecticut when I was five for my dad’s work. I came back three years later. I never really left.” You watched his lips move as he talked unsurely about his time here, you looked back up at his eyes smiling a little at how his brows furrowed in concentration.

“So, do you have, like, an English name?” You tease, smiling down at him as he turns his face away from you, a bright smile on his lips.

“I actually have three names.”

This time your brows furrowed but in confusion. Three? This boy had three names? 

You wiggled to reposition yourself to be facing him. Jaehyun took this opportunity to grab your hips, pulling you towards him till your chests were pressed together making you blush softly. You put your hands on his chest to keep some distance between you two, but with hips flush against each other you were feeling everything.

“Tell me about your three names.” You inquire softly, squirming in his hold till you were comfortable again.

“I have my birth name, my name, and my English name.”

There’s a pause. You tilt your head a bit in curiosity, a small chuckle leaving your lips.

“Birth name? You changed your name?”

“Yeah. I wanted a name that meant something. It’s a bitch to legally change your name though so I just use Jaehyun more often than not.”

There’s another pause but this one is filled with quiet giggles and cheesy smiles. Your hands held tightly onto his hoodie smiling down at him, before letting them slide down to let them rest under the fabric feeling his invitingly warm skin.

“Tell me your names.” You felt him jolt back a little at the touch, but he soon relaxed against your palms making your heart beat a little faster.

“Well, my birth name is Jaehyun, my name is Yoonoh, you know that, and my English name is Jay.”

“Jay?”

“Jay.”

You let the name roll off your tongue a few more times before chuckling a little, letting your hands rest around his waist, thumbs rubbing soft circles into the flesh.

“Yoonoh.” You just about whisper to see his reaction, eyes trained in on his face your smile now faint. His eyes flickered with something you couldn’t quite read, he looked almost helpless, but the moment of weakness only lasted a second before it dissipated back into his usual cocky grin.

“Haven’t heard someone call me that in a while,” He reveals quietly, “I like when you say it. I like when you say all my names.”

There was a tense pause where you two just stared at each other’s lips, waiting for someone to make the first move. 

“I really missed you.” You tell him quietly, you can feel him grab your arms, pulling them out from underneath his hoodie, and placing them on his wide shoulders.

“Did you, princess?” He whispered up at you a soft smile leaning up to nuzzle his nose against yours, you blushed softly before nodding softly. “I missed you too. I’ve missed your mouth a lot.” He told you while tangling a hand in your hair to hold you in the current position.

“Of course you did.” You giggled squeezing his shoulders a bit before tapping his arm signaling him to let go of your hair which he did, his large hand sliding down your side to rest on your hip squeezing softly. 

“You’re kind of a slut, Jaehyun.” You joked pulling your head off of his laughing quietly as he scoffed looking up at you with an amused smile.

“And you’re kind of a prude, _____.”

You gasped quietly furrowing your brows, your face contorting a little in mock offense.

“I am not a prude, Jay.”

“So, you suck dick in a bathroom once and you’re not a prude anymore?”

“…Yes.”

He let out a boisterous laugh looking up at you with the brightest cleanest smile. You adored his smile, you have many screenshots of blurry snaps of his wide white smile. You could stare at him all day if he would let you. You let your hands cup his cheeks softly with a bright smile, making him smile even wider than before. You swear you could feel your heart practically fall out of your chest at the sight.

You wished Jung Jaehyun was different, you wished you had met him without knowing the copious amount of girls he fucked and left in the dust, but here you were with a tainted view of him that you couldn’t shake away no matter how many times he made your heart nearly fail. He hummed up at you, his hands skimming up your sides till his fingers collided with your exposed skin.

You shifted a little at the touch, he held tighter onto your waist smirking softly up at you. “What did you miss about me, baby?” He whispered letting his thumbs glide over your ribs softly, leaning up to press his forehead to yours. Your throat went dry, you could feel your stomach tighten at how close he was. Your hands dropped from his face to his shoulders blushing softly.

You opened your mouth to tell him how much you missed his lips, how you wanted to kiss him again, how you’d been thinking about him for weeks, but nothing came out your cheeks just burned brighter making you bury your face in the crook of his neck. He giggled squeezing your sides sweetly pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, his hand skimmed up your back to tangle his hand in your hair to pull you back with a bright smile.

“Did you miss my fingers, baby?” He questioned smirking up at you with a small head tilt. You stared down at his lips nodding dumbly at his words, you heard him hum up at you leaning in to nuzzle his nose against yours sighing softly.

“Or did you miss my lips?” He whispered, “Did you miss kissing me? I missed kissing you.” He tilted his head to let his lips graze over yours to test the waters before he finally gave you what you wanted. His lips were still the softest pillows you’ve ever laid upon, you whimpered softly at the overwhelming burst of unrecognizable emotions in your stomach.

His lips were so soft, so sweet, so intoxicating, you missed kissing Jaehyun. He wrapped his arms tighter around your waist as he moved his lips against yours, you held tightly onto his hoodie trying to keep him close. He groaned softly as he pulled away to roll on top of you, manhandling you till you were against your pillow as you tried to catch your breath but his lips were reattached to yours in a matter of seconds. He made himself at home between your legs, you kept your grip on his hoodie tugging softly at the fabric.

“Take it off, Jaehyun.” You muttered pulling away, managing to catch your breath huffing quietly as he sat up not even hesitating before pulling the black hoodie off. Your hands were attached to his skin like a magnet, you wanted to feel him, you wanted to keep him close. You wanted him.

Oh god, you liked Jung Jaehyun.

You stared up at him with big almost panicked doe eyes, he leaned down to press soft kisses to your slightly exposed stomach. You let your head fall back with a small whine, you were going to lay there and let him do whatever he wanted. You’d let him do whatever he wanted to you. Scarily, you trusted Jaehyun a lot.

He wasted no time tugging down your sweats down to your knees, you swallowed thickly tugging softly on his locks to pull him back to your lips making him groan against your lips. He hummed softly into the kiss, pressing his hips into yours moaning softly. There was an amazing friction that made you shiver a little, digging your nails into his back with an airy chuckle.

“Keep doing that.” You whispered up at him causing him to smirk softly down at you. He rolled his hips into your clothed core, you could feel his growing length press against you which made you moan softly against his lips.

“You’re so adorable, baby.” He whispered pressing his wet lips to your jawline, nosing softly against your cheek. You bucked your hips into him with a deep shaky breath, he slid his hands up your sides to slide them under your top easily taking your breasts in his large hands.

You gasped softly at the contact, your hands skimming up his back to dig your nails into his skin looking up at him with hooded eyes. He rolled his hips into your clothed core causing a pleasant but short wave of pleasure to wash over you. You furrowed your brows at how good this was feeling, it was almost painful how short the waves lasted with each roll of his hips.

Holy shit, how did he always manage to make you feel so good?

He groaned gruffly against your neck, holding tightly onto your hips, continuing to rut against you his nails leaving crescents imprints on your skin. Soft grunts and gentle gasps filled your little room, red lines forming on his skin when your nails ranked down it, the slow burn in your stomach was starting to grow more intense every time he rolled his hips into yours.

“P-Please kiss me.” You whispered lazily draping your legs around his hips, sighing quietly feeling him kiss up your neck to finally press a soft kiss to your lips.

The tight tension in your stomach was growing uncomfortable, you whined softly into the feather-like kiss feeling his fingers wrap around the hem of your hoodie. You quickly shook your head with a thick swallow, trying to find your voice as you held tighter onto his shoulders.

“I-I want to keep it on.” You finally got out before the fabric could be lifted over your head. He looked down at you with a look of confusion for a second before nodding a bit, his hands falling to your waist smiling comfortably.

“That’s fine. That’s fine. Do you want to take a minute?”

You laced your fingers with his sighing softly as you wrapped your legs around his waist, tugging his hips flush against yours with a thick swallow. 

“I-I was really close. Whatever you’re doing, it feels really really good.” You nodded looking up at him with big eyes, a smug smile tugging at his pink lips as he nodded a little.

“I like making you feel good. You look so pretty when you cum, you know? I want to see that face again.”

Your cheeks burned once again as you looked up at him laughing softly, your eyes looking down at the bulge growing in his sweats.

“You’re really hard, Jaehyun.” You whispered chuckling softly at the sight, he looked up at you with a loud laugh pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, smiling against your skin. His hands skimmed down your sides to hold onto your hips groaning quietly.

He pulled away from you, pulling you up by your hips to place you in his lap, manhandling you till you were straddling his thigh making you gasp softly. He leaned against your wall smirking up at you as he slapped the back of your thigh, squeezing the flesh softly before motioning down towards his thigh.

“Want to take your panties off, baby?” He whispered burying his face into the crook of your neck, peppering soft kisses to the sensitive skin as you nodded slowly. You lifted your hips letting him slide the soaked fabric down your legs, smirking cockily when his digits brushed over your slick folds.

He moved you back on his thigh making you gasp softly, digging your coffin-shaped acrylics into his chest. Jaehyun groaned softly looking down at the pretty pale pink nails, he bit his bottom lip holding tightly onto your hips.

“Ride my thigh, baby.” He whispered leaning in to kiss your lips softly, his hands moving up to hold on tightly to your hoodie.

You didn’t waste any time before rolling your hips against the rough fabric of his sweatpants, loud whimpers falling from your lips into his as your hips moved desperately against him. He pulled away from your lips to watch you pathetically rutting against him, a cocky smirk on his lips chuckling softly as he leaned his back against your wall.

“You’ve done this before haven’t you?” He whispered grabbing a fist full of your hair tugging harshly, making you cry out softly as you dug your nails into his stomach.

Your cheeks glowed with at his question, brows furrowed as a pathetic whimper fell from your lips. Visions of those lonely nights with your pillow between your legs desperately rutting into the pillow, thinking about the quick yet explosive pleasure that eventually lolled you to sleep, but you couldn’t say that to Jaehyun not without wanting to die a little inside.

“Aw, look you’re blushing.” He whispered lowly the same smirk on his lips, “Do you hump your pillow, princess? Do you think about me?”

You only whined in response shutting your eyes tightly, trying to lean into him but the grip on your hair was unforgiving. He kept you still with the iron grip on your hair waiting for you to answer, flexing his thigh underneath you with a cruel smirk on his lips. You whimpered loudly as your hips rolled deeply into his hard thigh, your nails dug deeper into his skin crying out softly.

“Answer the question, _____.” He growled pushing you down till you were looking at him, face redder than before and you could only feel yourself getting redder under his intense stare.

“I-I do. I think about you all the time, Jaehyun.”

He chuckled darkly at the way your voice shook as if you were near tears. He liked seeing you like this, basically falling apart before of him, because of him, was so arousing and erotic his head was spinning. Jaehyun hummed in response, his fingers finally losing on your hair letting your head fall onto his chest, his arms wrapping around you with a quiet sigh.

“Tell me what you think about. Tell me everything.” He whispers into your shoulder, kissing the flesh gently. You kept your hips moving into his thick thigh, your eyes blown wide as your clit brushed against the rough fabric.

“I-I think about your dick. Holy fuck, fuck, your dick is so big and thick.” Your voice was whiny and shaky as you held on tightly to him, “I think about y-you inside me, stretching me out so good, f-fucking me till I’m shaking. Wanna know what makes me cum?” You questioned smirking softly at his bewildered eyes as he nodded quickly, a soft moan leaving his lips as he looked up at you.

You moaned loudly as he flexed his thigh under you once again, his tongue poking out to wet his lips as his eyes stayed trained on your lips.

“I think about you filling me up with your cum.” You shut your eyes tightly, your nails dragging down his chest watching his jaw drop a rough moan fell from his shiny pink lips.

“Fuck, Jaehyun–oh my god–Yoonoh.”

You cut yourself off when you feel the wave of pleasure wash over you, back arching into him as your moan catches in your throat, body rigid and nails deep into his skin. His hips jerked up a few times, low trembling moans ripping through his body as he held tightly onto your hips, you knew there would be bruises by tomorrow. A familiar groan filled your apartment, you were too overwhelmed by the short ripples of pleasure still rolling through your body, mindlessly nuzzling into his chest.

The room is full of heavy breathing, his hands letting go of your hips to rub softly at your thighs. You swallowed thickly against the crook of his neck, pulling away slowly to look at him with raised brows.

“Did you...Did you cum in your pants?” You asked moving your hands to his face, your thumbs stroking his cheeks when they glowed softly. He blinked a few times, brown eyes looking down at his sweats which were wet in multiple spots now. You watched a cute embarrassed smile appear on his glistening pink lips, his cheeks glowing brightly at your question.

“Y-You look so good when you cum. I couldn’t help it.”

You tilted your head at his weak tone, he looked so wrecked borderline pathetic from his orgasm. You felt something spark inside you seeing him like that, something that you’ve never felt before.

You wanted him.

Quietly you swallowed the urge with a small sigh, hands gently brushing his hair out of his doe eyes. You brushed the thought away, tossing your hair over your shoulder with a quiet hum. He groans softly looking up at you, cringing softly when he shifts his hips a little bit.

“Fuck. I feel gross. I feel really sticky.” He whispered his head falling back against the wall sighing contently, eyes fluttering shut as you ran your hands up and down his marked chest.

There was a blissful silence. A silence that you never wanted to end. You were the one to break it, pulling away to look at his blissful face smirking wickedly at him.

“You came fast and untouched. You must really like me, hm?”

“I liked the way you said Yoonoh. No one has ever said it like that.”

“No one has said it while cumming before?” You giggled stroking his hair softly, smiling at him gently. His eyes fluttered open to stare at your lips before looking up at you, swallowing thickly at the sight of the wet patch on his thigh.

Another silence filled your room, he leaned down to press soft kisses to your collarbones. You rested your cheek on the top of his head, nuzzling against his soft hair humming quietly as he brushed his nose against your throat. You wanted to stay like this, you wanted to keep him close, you wanted to stay in his arms, doused in his warmth as you both recovered from your orgasms.

You cleared your throat, untangling yourself from him as you slid off his thigh taking a deep breath with a soft huff. You looked around to find your underwear, you felt him move from behind you grunting uncomfortably as he stood up off your bed.

“Can I shower here? I don’t want to walk back with cum in my pants.”

“You walked here? Where’s your place?” You questioned sliding your underwear back on and turning towards him with a small head tilt. He turned towards you a soft smile adoring his pink lips, your eyes adoring the bright red lines on his tan chest.

“I live in the apartments a few blocks away.”

You nodded a bit trying to envision what his apartment looked like. Was it messy? Was it put together?

You could see shirts scattered across his floor, his bed unmade, and dishes in the sink. Maybe Jaehyun was a clean freak with a tightly made bed, spotless floors, and a pristine kitchen where everything is organized. Your eyes scanned over him quickly with a small smile, your chest aching a little at the sight of him.

“You can–” You turned toward your clock, the intimidating red numbers telling you it was nearing 3 AM. You couldn’t let him walk alone at 3 AM even though you knew he’d be just fine, but still, you’d be too worried to let him walk out of your apartment this late.

“You can…Stay the night if you want. It’s–um–it’s really late, you shouldn’t be walking alone this late.”

He looked a little surprised at your offer a soft chuckle left his lips as he thought about spending the night with you. He shrugged his broad shoulders with a small nod, a soft smile forming on his lips looking down at you.

“I would like that. We can finally–”

“Hold it, Jay. You’re sleeping on the floor.”

“Oh come on, prude. You know you want to snuggle with me.”

You rolled your eyes a little bit at the way his smile turned into a soft smirk. You aggressively pointed towards the small, pathetic, excuse of a bathroom you had, it was more like a closet with a shower in it. “Go shower. The cum in your pants is probably dried now.” You teased with a soft laugh, only laughing harder when he shot you a playful glare before turning around to disappear into your closet bathroom.

You dug through your drawer to find the lone pair of boxers you bought as an experiment last month. He’ll only need new underwear, right? You slowly knocked on the flimsy door, poking your head in the warm room, your eyes falling to the floor when you hear him pull your curtain back a bit.

“Couldn’t help yourself?” He teased smirking softly at you, running his hand through his wet hair as you blindly tossed the boxers on the sink. You only looked up to shoot him a slightly disgusted look, you watched him laugh at your expression before winking playfully tilting his head a bit.

“Thank you.” He tells you sweetly, an even sweeter smile on his lips, “I’ll be out in a minute.” He nods closing the shower curtain.

You closed the door behind you humming softly as you went to your closet, getting on your toes to pull down the extra blankets from the top shelf. You laid the blankets down for him next to your bed, grabbing one pillow from your bed to drop it on the ground. The makeshift bed on the floor was a pastel pathetic mess on your floor but he’d probably be fine, right? You stared down at the blankets almost leaning down to straighten them out, but there was a sudden vibration from the edge of your bed.

Your head shot up to turn towards your bed, seeing the fabric of his hoodie light up. You paused for a moment just staring at the glowing hoodie. Who was texting him at 3 AM? Without letting yourself hesitate, you pulled his phone out from its pocket sitting down on your bed to scroll through his notifications.

Every contact name was just initials. You found it odd but also didn’t question it. Jaehyun was a fuckboy after all.  You furrowed your brows at the screen.

q.k : if ur going to leave at two am pls be quiet when you do it

l.m.h : do u have the answers for the review i’m dying dude

k.d.h : baby i miss you :(

k.d.h : ik it’s late but i want to see you

k.d.h : jaeeeeeeee 

You blinked a few times at the messages. Who was k.d.h? Why were they texting him at two am? You heard the shower water stop, you quickly shoved the phone back into his hoodie, hands slightly shaky and mind racing. You shouldn’t be thinking this hard about someone he wasn’t even with right now. You shouldn’t be thinking this hard about Jaehyun in general. He should be an afterthought, he shouldn’t even be here right now, but here he was showering in your apartment.

When he walked out of the bathroom, toweling off his dripping locks looking up at you smiling sweetly at you before looking down at the mess of blankets beneath you.

“Is that my bed for tonight?” He asked adjusting his boxers as his eyes stared down at the pallet, his hand rubbing his stomach. You nodded a little forcing a small smile as he lay down on the floor, grunting softly as he rolled around trying to get comfortable.

“Stop being dramatic, oh my god.”

You teased reaching over to turn your lamp off a sudden wave of darkness swallowing your room. Tucking yourself in, you tangled yourself in your cold blanket sighing quietly as he rolled around with a series of small grunts. He reached up to place his hand on your bed trying to get your attention, tapping his fingers against your mattress waiting for you to pay attention to him.

“Go to sleep, Jaehyun.”

“I can’t.”

“You haven’t even tried, you crackhead.”

“Maybe I don’t want to sleep. Maybe I want to keep talking to you.”

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up.” You groaned shoving his hand off your mattress with a small eye roll. He sat up to look at you, you could make out a disgruntled look on Jaehyun’s face. You weren’t looking at him. You didn’t want to look at his giant shoulders and beautiful face, not with the daunting question of  “Who’s k.d.h?” racking your brain. He stared at you do a second, running a hand through his damp hair as he tilted his head a bit.

“You’re getting…hostile again. Is this how you act with the people you like?”

“I don’t like you.” You quickly denied with furrowed brows, “Like that. I don’t like you like that.” You lied with a thick and hard swallow.

There was a silence that made your stomach twist and turns, you finally looked at him with furrowed brows sighing quietly. “Don’t look at me like that.” You whispered looking down at him with a soft sigh, slowly letting your hand drop down to rest softly on his shoulder. You rubbed circles into the taut skin waiting for him to say something, but he just stared at you with his big eyes making you sigh quietly.

“You don’t like me like that and you know it.”

He scoffed quietly before shaking his head. “You’re so…You’re so aggravating.” You frowned your brows at his word choice, shoving his shoulder harshly with a huff. 

“I am not. You’re the aggravating one.” You snapped sitting up to look down at him with slight irritation on your face. He looked up at you with an equally as irritated look, laughing bitterly as he got on his knees to be closer to your level.

“You act like you know me and everything about me–”

“Don’t start that shit again please.” You groaned rolling your eyes. He raised his brows at you in slight shock that you interrupted him. You mocked his shocked expression trying to get a rise out of him. You wanted to see him angry, you wanted him mad, but you weren’t getting it from him. He just stared at you, brows furrowed and lips tightly together, as he tilted his head a bit at you.

“I know enough about you to know you don’t want to date me, Jaehyun. You can say you just want to fuck me and it’ll be fine. Just stop acting like you want something more from me.”

“That’s-That’s not true. I like you. I don’t want to just fuck you. I want–”

“If you like me so much who’s k.d.h?”

There’s a sharp and heavy silence. He stared at you with frowned brows he looked confused, angry, and guilty at the same time.

“You looked through my phone?”

“It was kind of hard to ignore seeing k.d.h was texting you every five minutes.”

“You looked through my phone?” He repeated more sternly this time standing up to look down at you suddenly making you feel ten times smaller than you already felt. You averted your eyes awkwardly as he turned on your lamp, you flinched at the burst of dim light keeping your eyes down. He leaned down getting dangerously close to you, his face too close to yours for your comfort.

“Answer me, _____.”

“I did.” You finally whispered, shoulders slumped and eyes focused on your floor taking a deep breath. His stare was finally getting the best of you, you could feel your chest tightening, your stomach dropping, and a burning sensation in your eyes. You felt like a child being scolded, you hated this, you hated him for making you feel this way.

“Who is she?” You asked pathetically, blinking a few times trying to ignore the tears brimming your eyes. You looked up at him, head tilted sympathetically as your eyes begged him for an answer. His face softened at the utterly depressing look on your face, slowly resting a large hand on your bare thigh making you huff softly dabbing your eyes with your thumb.

“Her name is Kim Dahee. She’s…She’s my girlfriend.”

Your jaw dropped a little when you heard her name and the title she carried. He swallowed thickly looking down, sighing quietly, squeezing your thigh a little as your bottom lip quivered a bit. 

You felt gross, you felt used, you felt like a bad person, oh god, you were a bad person. 

“You-Your girlfriend?” You asked quietly, brows knit together feeling your chest get painfully tight at the fact this conversation was happening.

“We’ve been dating for around four months now.” You finally turn away from him wanting to throw up at the fact you were the other woman. Were you really though? You didn’t even know what the other woman entailed, so did you really fit the mold of the other woman?

“Oh, my god. Oh my god, you fucked my throat in a bathroom while you had a girlfriend! Y-You came over to my apartment, made out with me, came in your pants because of me, you tell me all this-this bullshit about liking me and you have an entire girlfriend! How fucking dense are you!”

You exploded shoving his hand off of your thigh, wanting no physical contact with Jung Jaehyun for the rest of your life. You’ve never felt so dumb in your life. You were an idiot. A dumb slut. You really let yourself fall for some dumb boy with a girlfriend. God, you felt disgusting.

“Hey, hey, calm down baby–”

“Don’t. Don’t call me that. What the hell is wrong with you?”

You snapped turning away from him to wipe your eyes with a frustrated groan, you shook your head sniffling softly. Hot tears were running down your cheeks, you couldn’t seem to stop the steady streams from dripping onto your sheets.

“You fucking preach how I don’t know you, how judgmental I’ve been towards you, and you’ve been cheating this whole time?” He pursed his lips together, not being able to say anything just sighed quietly looking at his feet. For the first time you left Jaehyun speechless, he was just standing there like an idiot.

“I should’ve known. I did know. I knew who you were, I knew you didn’t care about me or anyone but yourself, and I still––”

Your throat closed up a bit, letting out another frustrated groan, and looked up at him with a shake of your head.

“I was right about you.” You whispered looking at him with teary eyes, your chest aching a little at how hurt he looked at your words. You pretended you didn’t care, you knew he deserved it, but that didn’t stop it from causing an uncomfortable tightening sensation in your chest. There’s this heavy silence, one where he just stood in front of you guilt all over his beautiful face. You swallowed thickly, climbing back under your blankets holding tightly onto the comforting soft cover as you turned your back towards him.

“I want you out by seven.” You deadpanned staring at your white wall the light suddenly going out darkness consuming your room once again. “Alright.” He mumbled laying back down on the flimsy palette, sniffling softly as he rolled on his side.

Another heavy silence.

“You…You won’t tell her, right?”

You thought about it for a minute. You were never good at confrontation, especially with girls, you couldn’t imagine even approaching the stunning angel that was Kim Doyeon let alone telling her all the things you had done with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend. Jaehyun was her boyfriend. He was never going to be yours. No matter how hard or quietly you wanted him, he would never be yours.

“I won’t.” You whisper turning on your back to stare at the ceiling, the last of your silent tears running off your cheeks and onto your pillow. “Jaehyun,” Your tone was so weak and soft you hoped he would actually take you seriously, “I-I don’t want to do this if-if you have someone.”

Another damn silence.

“Okay. Okay, I get it.” You blinked a few times trying to get the sting of his agreement to get disappear, sighing softly at how heavy you felt. You at least thought it would be lighter after the resolution, but it only seemed to make everything heavier.

“Goodnight, ___.”

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t respond. You just stared at the wall, eyes heavy, but you couldn’t find sleep even though you desperately wanted to. You tossed and turned for what felt like hours, blankets tangled between your legs, Jaehyun’s even breathing the only sound filling your room. Your eyes looked up at your window seeing a faint ray of orange streaming into your room.

You blinked your heavy lids before looking down at the sleeping boy on your floor, a sad smile on your lips when you glanced over his relaxed figure sighing quietly. He looked beautiful sleeping, his long limbs relaxed and sprawled out on the floor, his lips relaxed and slightly parted, he was so beautiful. Slowly, you laid back down closing your eyes, trying to coax yourself back to sleep.

Suddenly there was a loud ring through your room, one you flinched at but didn’t say anything about it. You heard him groan and shift around, stumbling through your room to find his clothes, grumbling inaudible things as he gathered his things trying to be as quiet as he could. You kept your eyes closed, pretending to be asleep not wanting to deal with him or the inevitable goodbye that was to come.

The shuffling sounds grew closer till you felt his hand on your cheek. You couldn’t help but jump away a bit before leaning into his palm, knowing if you opened your eyes you’d be met with those doe eyes that made your chest want to explode. Slowly, you felt tentative lips press against your forehead, making your chest want to explode as usual. Without hesitation you let your eyes flutter open, staring up at him with tired yet wide eyes swallowing quietly as you two made eye contact.

You two just stared at each other, you could feel him begin to rub soft circles against your skin. He sighed quietly at how tired and sad you looked because of him, you finally adverted your eyes from his brown ones letting them focus on his wrist as you slowly place your hand on top of his. He was dressed in the clothes from last night, his hair was a wreck, and his eyes looked tired but he was still mesmerizing. It was way too quiet for your liking, it was weird for Jaehyun to be this quiet for this long but you understood.

You sensed him leaning in again. You almost let it happen, you almost let your lips collide with his, but even when his plush lips just brushed against yours you felt nerve-wracking guilt wreck through you. You turned away last second, your chest aching with want when you did so. You wanted him. You wanted him so bad but not like this. He rested his forehead against the side of your face, sighing quietly over the rejection before pressing one last soft kiss to your cheekbone.

He didn’t say anything, just grabbed his phone and walked out just like you expected him to. You slowly leaned down, grabbing the pillow he slept on with a soft sigh, pulling it to your chest with another quiet sigh nuzzling your face into the plush pillow. You inhaled the fading scent of him, your eyes growing wet as he filled your senses nails digging into the pillow.

There was a moment where you let yourself cry into your pillow. You let yourself mourn over a relationship that wasn’t even real, you could feel your eyes begin to burn at the steady flow of tears running down your cheeks. You finally lifted your head to wipe your eyes, sniffling a bit as you forced yourself to stop crying over Jaehyun, causing you to hiccup a little bit.

You checked the time on your phone rubbing your eyes till they were red and wet, blinking a few times to see your screen more clearly. It was only 7 AM. You could fall asleep and wake up before noon, get something to eat maybe, then make it to your study group by three. You put your phone back on your bedside table exhausted, burying your face back in Jaehyun’s pillow, hiccuping once again. You slowly fell into a weak sleep longing for him to be beside you.