#like I’m not positing homophobia as a reason necessarily but like

[firstprincehornyramblings]

Hello yall! I'm getting a head start and queueing this extra early (its technically Wednesday for me right now) Once again, under the cut, for length reasons, and nsfw reasons <3

------------- PWP Dom Henry and Free Use Alex

“You are not going to cum yet, Alexander. Calm down,” the blond hissed, “Or call a color,” he added in a quiet voice. “N-no, I can.. I can calm down,” Alex whined, “That’s so cold,” his voice was soft and pathetic, “I just wanted to cum.” “But you won’t, not till I say you can, not till I’m done with you,” Henry reiterated, “Because you want to be good for me. And Alex? You are a good boy, you’re the best boy, and you are not going to let me down.” “I’m good, I’ll be good for you… W-wanna be good for you so bad, Hen,” Alex cried.   “That’s what I thought,” Henry purred, “Just a moment more,” he said before leaning closer to press a kiss to the side of Alex’s thigh, “Let’s get those balls nice and cold, it’ll take you a minute to warm up, hm? That should take some of the need away.” “Yeah,” Alex nearly sobbed, but his cheeks were dry, no tears falling, “Thank you for helping me be a good boy.”

---

GEORGE THOUGHTS (Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this fic are those of George Villier’s and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of the author.)

“Good boy, you’re my favorite,” it was whispered against a sweat soaked temple, and for the day at least it was true. His hand fell to his own thigh, fingers wiping through the slick there and bringing them to his own lips. He sucked at those fingers, salt and bitterness on his tongue, his opposite hand falling to the pet still kissing his neck. With one shove he pushed them aside, “Wine,” he murmured against his own fingers. He couldn’t help but smile hearing ‘yes master’ leave the young woman’s lips. A delicate hand placed behind his head, leaning it up as a cup was placed to his lips, wine poured into his mouth. Sweetness burned down his throat as he tilted his chin up to signal he was finished drinking. That lover was rewarded with a hard kiss, the last swallow of wine in his mouth pushed into hers, their tongues intertwining as vermillion ran down their chins.

--- Client Alex and Hairstylist Hen

“W-wait, what?” Alex stammered, “You’re…leaving? You’re not going to even let me get you off?” He was pulling himself off that wall some but resting a hand behind his back for steadiness. “But wait, didn’t you come here to like- prove me wrong? You have to do that, right?” he asked, clearly grasping for straws. “Ah, right, smart thinking,” Henry nodded, undoing his own pants, and lifting his shirt half up. It was just enough for Alex to see the soft tummy that was creating a slight muffin top above those pants. The brunette found it entirely grabbable, but Henry didn’t seem to notice the intense stare. Instead, he pushed the front of his pants and underwear down, resting them on the base of his own cock. He was visibly hard, and yet all he did was show Alex the tawny pubic hair there, “Blond, see, you were wrong, I was being honest,” he hummed, before fixing his pants into place again. Alex was still staring in awe, as if everything happening amazed him, “I… you’re really leaving? What if I say that you seem like the kind of guy who’d dye your pubes too?” “Then I’d tell you to fuck off,” the blond said matter-of-factly.

YAY TAGS (no pressure tags darlings)

@taste-thewaste @eusuntgratie @henrysfox @mikibwrites

@softboynick @catdadacd @sheepywritesfics @henryspearl

@basil-bird @caressthosecheekbones @henfox @tailsbeth-writes

@onthewaytosomewhere @anti-homophobia-cheese @thighzp + literally anyone else I'm sleepy and forgot, or anyone who sees this and wants to tag me, I love reading yall's stuff. <3

[hillhouses]

a few months ago I started playing with the idea of writing an article about le fanu’s carmilla and the dubious origins of the story (he found a stack of letters between a young woman and her doctor detailing explicitly sexual and romantic encounters with another woman) and why he needed to make them vampires in order to retell it. I’m definitely going to keep it in my back pocket but I also think I could mine something from tvc especially regarding the sense of “othering” that comes with vampires especially since eve sedgewick describes homosocial relationships in the same kind of way in between men

[yuikomorii]

I came across this post that reminded and ngl I agree with the OP so much :

https://www.tumblr.com/carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich/735348738511519744/i-always-said-id-never-post-anything-like-this

I’m glad you’re one of the sane Yui stans because from my experience, a lot of them are very toxic and will attack people every-time someone dislikes Yui. I also agree with what you said a few days ago. Yui has her faults too so let’s not treat her like the epitome of perfection when she’s not. Everyone should learn to be kinder like Yui and not take everything too seriously when it’s about fiction.

// Oh wow, I just read the post and yeah, I agree with the person who wrote it too, but I wasn’t expecting some Yui stans to be really THAT bad. I saw some toxic ones but I would have never expected any of them to send threats to people who treat her badly in fanfics?? That’s already beyond disgusting and messed up… No matter what someone says about a character you love, telling them to end themselves is absolutely repulsive, since at the end of the day, there are REAL individuals behind those screens. If they really liked Yui, they’d know she’s against people picking any fights or insulting others.

All DL characters did bad things and Yui is not an exception. Sure, most of her bad actions are a result of her breaking or going through a traumatizing event, yet at the same time, that’s the same reason why the Diaboys act the way they do. If you’re not okay with the Diaboys doing that, then you shouldn’t be okay with Yui doing it either. After all, everyone hurt innocent people at some point in this franchise.

Yui is far from perfect; even in her normal mental state, she exhibits flaws and some red flags. But accepting them shouldn't make you any less of a fan of her character, given that she’s supposed to represent your average human girl, therefore she can’t be all that.

An opinion is only invalid when it’s a result of: mischaracterization, double standards, jealousy, misogyny/misandry, homophobia and other stupid reasons. Nevertheless, it’s completely fine to dislike a character, if you’re not fond of their traits. For example: some people can’t stand serious characters because they prefer funny ones, other people are not into overly positive characters because they only like realists. Does being serious or overly positive make a character bad? NO, but it’s just a personal preference. Besides, you can respect a character without necessarily liking them.

[rookofthekingom]

@wolfstarmicrofic March 30 – prompt 30: Calming Draught – word count 960

TW // perceived homophobia

Remus Lupin is furious. He came out to his friends a week ago—something that made him so horrendously nervous that he literally had to take a calming draught beforehand. And now the person he was most scared to tell is reacting like this?

“Moony, wait!” Sirius yells from behind, his desperation audible. Remus doesn’t slow. “Just—wait a minute, please.” His voice breaks on the last syllable.

Remus scoffs. Without turning around he replies scathingly, “I actually kind of don’t want to fucking talk to you right now.”

Which is completely fair, Remus thinks. Because having your best friend completely freak out when you tell them you’re gay is not a great feeling. Especially when you have a hopeless, horrible crush on said best friend, which made you all the more nervous to tell him. Especially when you felt an excruciating mix of anxiety, hope, and crippling fear, and spent a fair amount of time coming up with all the possible scenarios that could result from the whole thing. But he hadn’t been prepared for this outcome. The one where Sirius didn’t overreact—no, that might have even been preferable—but the one where he turned cold and cagey, completely avoiding him for a week. Until today, when he couldn’t escape being in Remus’ presence.

Today, when Marlene gathered them all around to announce that she’s a lesbian. And Remus is so, so happy for her. Of course he is. So incredibly happy, in fact, his cheeks ached from smiling when she told them. A smile that rapidly slipped off his face when Sirius, the man who had handled the news of his best friend being gay extraordinarily horribly, accepted and even celebrated Marlene’s announcement. Which of course he should have! It just—hurts, that he for some reason couldn’t handle Remus’ own announcement with even a fraction of that enthusiasm. Hurts, to have his best friend and crush, for fuck’s sake, react so overwhelmingly positive to someone else’s coming out and so negatively to his own.

So no, he’s not feeling particularly warm towards Sirius, and really fucking wants to be alone. Something that Sirius really does not seem to understand.

“Just—stop!” Sirius, having finally caught up to him, desperately grabs him by the arm and forcibly turns him around.

Remus violently jerks an arm to throw him off. “Sirius, what the actual fuck?!”

The other boy immediately lets go. The determined light in his eyes, however, doesn’t fade. “Please, give me a chance, okay? Just to talk to you?”

“I already did talk to you, and you quite frankly didn’t handle it very well. So excuse me if I don’t necessarily feel like giving you the time of day right now,” Remus snaps.

“No, I know, I just—“ He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. Remus really hates himself for noticing how cute he looks as he does it. Hates himself for how his stomach swoops when Sirius grabs him by the arm again. Hates himself for how he follows Sirius’ insistent tugging as the other boy pulls him into the nearest empty classroom and closes the door.

“I know, okay! I fucking know. Just-” He sighs. Opens his mouth, then closes it. Clears his throat and tries again. “I’m sorry, Moony. I really am. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, it’s like I know up here,” he says, tapping his head “that’s it’s completely fine to be gay and that’s it completely fine for you to be gay, and that logically I’m completely fine with it because there’s nothing wrong with it! But then it’s like—like I try to picture you with some random guy that doesn’t even know you, and I feel sick, Remus, physically sick to my stomach.” Sirius earnestly meets Remus’ eyes, as if he’s silently begging him to understand.

But in front of him, Remus is quiet.

Sirius groans and grabs his shoulders with a frightening urgency that actually makes Remus jump. “Moony, don’t let it be some bloke. He—he has to know you, yeah?”

“Er-”

Sirius shakes his head and grits his teeth. “No, you’re not getting it—he has to know you. He has to know that you like chocolate, and he has to get you chocolate every week to restore your stash. But he can’t ever get anything darker than 70%, because he has to know what kinds of chocolate you like. And-“

“Sirius?”

“-and he has to know that you’re a fucking genius, that you come up with all of our best pranks, and he has to know that you like to curse, and he has to like it when you curse, okay? But he has to pretend that he doesn’t.”

“Sirius.”

“And—and he has to get you extra food whenever you’re hungry, especially before full moons, and he has to keep getting you food even after full moons, when you say you’re not hungry, but he has to know that you have to eat anyway.” Sirius’ grip on Remus’ shoulders is painfully tight now, his gaze imploring. “He has to know that you put on your socks before your pants in the morning, and that you wet your toothbrush before putting the toothpaste on it, and that you secretly like Quidditch because sometimes he’ll catch you watching him from the stands instead of reading your book, and… and he has to know all of your favorite authors, he has to notice all of the little expressions you make when you’re reading, and he has to think of you whenever he sees a book that he thinks you might like.”

“Sirius!”

“I’m not done yet, Moony!” he snaps, rather viciously. His voice then gets quiet.

“He has to love you.” He’s whispering now. “He has to have always loved you.”

[jewfrogs]

tbh my viewpoint on the anti/proship stuff changed after I realized the rhetoric antis are putting forth is pretty identical to anti-queer rhetoric--i.e. this thing is unappealing to me personally therefore it is gross and evil and wrong and you should go to therapy to become more "normal" (read: to become like me). disgust isn't an indicator of morality. the anti/proship argument doesn't matter at all in spaces that are offline but the current queer political climate is something that is affecting people's real lives (I don't need to Tell you that but I wanted to clarify for the sake of this ask)

i really don’t know if this is the best frame of comparison. for starters because most of the time i find that (this) sounds like (that) isn’t an especially compelling or useful argument—sentences and sentiments change when you change the words within them. e.g., i would say that having sex with children is wrong and that people attracted to children should not act on that attraction, but there should be systems in place to help them. many people would agree that this is reasonable. if you changed “children” to “people of the same gender,” that would become unreasonable. the literal rhetoric hasn’t changed, but its intent and impact has.

being disgusted by gay people is a bad thing; being disgusted by rape or incest isn’t. and this isn’t me voicing a vested opinion on fiction containing that material or the validity thereof—i’m simply saying that it's very understandable, for a variety of reasons, that someone would not want to see that fiction. “i’m triggered by rape” is a tenable position whereas “i’m triggered by gay people” is not.

additionally, the phrase “unappealing to me” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that section, and doesn’t seem to accurately capture the reaction in either case. i’m struggling how to phrase this properly, but bigots don’t find gayness or transness “unappealing” so much as threatening; the fundamental underpinning of homophobia and transphobia is fear of our inability to conform to and potential to upend the cisheterosexual artifice. “bigots wouldn’t want to have gay sex and therefore think no one should have gay sex” is a shallow reading of their behavior. on the other hand, in terms of “antis,” i would say the motivation is less a lack of appeal and more a moral offense—it’s not merely “i don’t want to read this and therefore no one else should” but “i don’t want to read this because i believe it is unethical and therefore no one else should”—which, again, i feel is, if not fair, at least understandable. if you’re going to write incest porn, that’s your prerogative and i can’t stop you, but you need to be thicker-skinned in understanding that most people will be bothered by that. i don’t necessarily believe that that disgust should inform one's response, but i don’t think it’s irrational or morally wrong (whereas disgust at gayness or transness is).

i agree that disgust isn’t an indicator of morality, but that seems like a thought-terminating cliche in this case—the fact that something (perceived as) disgusting is not necessarily amoral does not mean that something (perceived as) disgusting cannot be amoral. if you want to argue that “proship” content is moral and acceptable, you need to make a better case than “people say it’s gross”—with or without adding “people also say gay people are gross.”

[eulchu]

I think when people look at the clip from three years ago where George says straight I guess I haven’t thought about it. They forget Dream was in the same exact position. Straight he guessed he’d never had reason to question it. Till exposed to a more diverse community where he could and did. So to completely deny George the same experience is outright homophobia. And on the other hand people go way too far insuring George has always been a gay man lied to protect himself and is just hiding in the closet never liking women ever. I’m like okay well we can take George at his word and not be freaks while also not being heteronormative freaks and allowing George that leeway. Cause how many years have we watched Dream backed into a corner about this shit no one should be pressured into coming out publicly ever if they don’t want to.

this is like the best way ive seen someone explain that hes not necessarily straight nor gay but a secret third thing (not our business yet something worth cherishing whenever he shares parts of himself)

[shatar-aethelwynn]

 You are right, my memory failed me. Homosexuality is for Paul the "uncleanness" and the "vile passion" to which God gave up the Gentiles as punishment because of their idolatry. As the text of the Epistle to the Romans presents idolatry and its consequences: "Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, 1:23 and changed the glory of the incorruptible God for the likeness of an image of corruptible man, and of birds, and four-footed beasts, and creeping things. 1:24 Wherefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts unto uncleanness, that their bodies should be dishonored among themselves: 1:25 for that they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. 1:26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile passions: for their women changed the natural use into that which is against nature: 1:27 and likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another, men with men working unseemliness, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was due. 1:28 And even as they refused to have God in their knowledge, God gave them up unto a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 1:29 being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 1:30 backbiters, hateful to God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 1:31 without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection, unmerciful: 1:32 who, knowing the ordinance of God, that they that practise such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but also consent with them that practise them." Personally I find Paul's mentality and positions as expressed in passages like this one problematic for several reasons, but this is not the place to become more specific about my objections to his views and legacy. Anyway, I think that you underestimate somehow the homophobia in the Judeo-Christian tradition. Moreover, our disagreement about henotheism remains, but it is essentially just a disagreement about terminology, that's why there is no reason to discuss it further.

Oh no, I don’t underestimate the presence of homophobia at all. It is absolutely there, believe me I am personally aware. Especially in the denominations and groups that make it into the news the most often. But there are also many devout believers who are actively pushing back against that hate.

I’m merely stating that since the original topic was the sin of Sodom, a) the theology of Paul is too late to be a factor in determining the nature of Sodom’s sin from a historical perspective (as a general rule I do not use New Testament texts to explain the meaning of the Hebrew Bible texts); b) homosexuality in the ancient world is not socially the same as it is today and that is an important factor. With a bit of “scholars aren’t 100% sure what definition of homosexuality Paul is working with so both translation and application of interpretation can get complicated.” My personal interest tends to be on archaeological and historical scholarship rather than on current theology most of the time. As I said, this is a controversial issue and there is no one answer. Mine is just that I think people make it into more of an issue than the Biblical authors intended it to be and that often they do so from faulty premises because they ignore historical context. An argument being common doesn't necessarily make it correct.

I also find Paul problematic in many instances and think his writings have been badly abused over the centuries. Also the pseudopigraphic writings in his name which are worse. In Romans he is writing to a church he has never visited and is trying to prove his theology so they will accept him. So he comes right out swinging. But is it really any different than how Christians have been explaining things ever since? The narrative always starts with humans rejecting god followed by a list of all the things that go wrong and all the sins that it causes, because it there's a salvation then the first step is to establish what people need to be saved from. I've read a few salvation tracts in my life and there's always a List right after the introduction of sin. That's pretty much what he's doing - setting the stage for him to explain his theology and why it's right. That doesn't mean anyone is obligated to agree with him though.

[talenlee]

Does Your World Have A Pride Parade?

Pride is a great event for corporations, people who pay artists to produce branding material that enables the transaction of currency for their products that just so happens to also include sick as hell fantastic and speculative art, to put Pride into the universes of their games. It’s been in my mind since Magic: The Gathering, a product line of the Wizards of the Coast corporation, an outcropping of the Hasbro Entity, released the truly sick art of Chandra Nalaar attending her Pride Parade, on her home world of Kaladesh.

And that prompted the immediate thought of: Did Kaladesh have Stonewall?

It’s a silly thought, of course. After all, Australia has Pride parades, in the vein of Mardi Gras, which are exactly what you think they are. We didn’t have Stonewall here and we have Mardi Gras here anyway. Of course, the question of ‘where did Mardi Gras come from’ and ‘who started it’ is uh, well, you might not be surprised to learn that yea, Mardi Gras was a protest. It was a peaceful protest against cops who were unjustly imprisoning then beating and abusing queer people. You know, normal cop stuff. Now cops insist they should be allowed to march in Mardi Gras, because they contribute to its history and have queer cops, which I think is crucially missing the point about their role in the start of the event.

Arseholes.

Anyway it’s not like events in different places that look similar have to be the result of the same events. But —

Hold up.

Here’s where one of the boundaries of my own experience as a person infringe on what I can create. See, I’m from a society that is shaped by attitudes that I think are kind of just bad. That informs the way I write about things like world building, and leads to me writing sentences like this that came up in the first draft and took some time to critically unpack: Celebrations are always the result of something awful.

That’s not necessarily true? It’s just every celebration in my society, every Pride parade is a stubborn refusal to die. Pride was a riot that started in response to police crackdowns. Just as every regulation under capitalism is written in blood – because nothing is being made and maintained to actually consider the best of humans but instead to maximise the value of efficiency of systems for the enabling in capital – every societal celebration I can think of is somehow a byproduct of something sad and tragic. Easter and Christmas, religious ceremonies are themselves only in their position in my community because of their value opposing diversity, asserting the dominance of the cultural hegemony.

That isn’t what things have to be, I don’t imagine.

They don’t have to be.

Right?

It’s just what I’m used to.

That meant I approached this article at first thinking that a Pride parade, in a setting respresented yes, a celebration, but to be Pride, to be a celebration of queer culture, then that queer culture had to have some kind of reason to form, which means that there’s a reason for that queer culture to be formed outside of the general structure of all the rest of what we call culture, and then there needs to be some reason to engage in a big celebration which, in the case of Pride, is a reflection of a retaliation against an attempt to extinguish that culture. Basically, Pride is defiance, and to be defiant, you need some kind of sign of what the defiance is against.

Which is funny in the case of the Magic: The Gathering art showing Nissa and Chandra at a pride parade, because, one, the reason the fans have feelings about that is after the botched handling of the War of the Spark plotline that represented Chandra in a way that feels like it needed a bit more attention from better queer writers. During this time, Wizards’ policy was restated and reinforced that in the context of their universes, there’s no homophobia: that is to say, villain or hero, there’s nobody calling anyone a fag or a dyke, there’s no distrust or legal reason to see queer people as different from nonqueer people. As a policy, this is fine, this is good work because it means the writers don’t have that option to represent oppression and won’t use a children’s card game as a platform to represent that kind of edgy stuff in a way that can be readily mishandled. I don’t mind that policy. The policy problem that follows with that is that then you show us Pride, in universe…

And I am asking: What’s that Pride in response to?

Why is there a parade?

Thing is you want Pride Parades for the same reason you want characters to have access to cups of coffee. Because we signify behaviours with common reference frames; a fantasy version of a Pride Parade is a cool thing to have so you can show characters doing stuff in a Pride way. You don’t need the lines of oppression from our world to replicate Pride.

Why then, do we celebrate?

What can your Pride be a celebration of?

I think one idea, which is still a little bit of a loss, is in memorial of a great person. If a great artist or creative passed away they might have asked a celebration to be done after they died, and then that tradition endured based on how good they are. Maybe even a party that doesn’t have to necessarily connect to the person – a lord or liege who constructed the event to satisfy their own ego, and then were erased from the story of the event because they were found posthumously to be awful and suck, that’s a similar way that kind of event could form.

Another option is celebrating a foundation, an event of endurance? When a community realises they’ve a sudden influx of resources, like the conclusion of some other event? Maybe a rich person celebrates their birthday and the result is a street in the town has a big pile of money to spend based on that rich person’s largesse, and they wind up throwing a party with the results? Then that event gets enough attention that the event takes on a life of its own? Maybe? Is that interesting, is that a story people will relate to?

I don’t know!

You may notice I’m still thinking in terms of loss, or sadness, or things that just generally suck butts. That, I think, is telling you more about me than it tells you about world building. I do think it’s a thing that informs you about how I approach world building problems at least.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Can you talk more about your thoughts on closeting as an industry structure vs. individual decision? I see it as both. Example - I want to be the biggest artist in the world and to do that, I’ll play straight because it is an industry demand. Or another example I’m not going to play to industry demands and make individual decisions based on who I am and if my career doesn’t reach the highest pinnacle, I’ll be fine with that. Or do I have it wrong? I do think Harry is making a decision but not necessarily within circumstances that he chooses. He could make other choices, but so far has chosen not to. And obviously we can’t know why or what his intentions are - I understand it’s all speculation. I’m just curious how you break it up in your thoughts. Thanks!

What I was thinking about in particular, is a certain construction of the celebrity closet that sees it entirely in individual terms. Whether or not someone comes out is primarily about how they feel about their sexuality.

I see this idea as mostly being spread by middle-class people who live in large cities with significant gay scenes and who work in organisations with a lot of other queer people, possibly even an explicit queer content to their role and who move in circles with people in a similar position. I think most public and media queer commentators come from this sort of position. For them and the people they know the main barriers to coming out are personal - often very significant around coming to terms with yourselves and family, but .

And when this group of people look at celebrities - they think that they move in a similar world that they do. Certainly more glamorous, but the same sort of social milieu, where people share similar values. In a lot of places there'll be some sort of adjacent nature of the celebrity and media world. As a result of this they think that whether or not an actor or a singer come out is a result very much as the same set of personal circumstances, as whether a think piece writer, or policy analyst comes out.

I think they're really, really wrong. But you see that underlying assumption all the time, the idea that just because some structural barriers have been removed for them, people with more visibility and wealth must also not be facing structural barriers. And so people assume that Harry's decision to come out or not is based on whether or not he's come to terms with himself.

What I think is super unfortunate, is then people who live in places without as strong queer communities, and work in industries where there's more active homophobia, read the discourse created by queer people working in media about celebrities, and feel the judgements are being made and directed at them. And I'm sure random queer tweeter who is like 'Harry must be queer baiting because he has no reason not be out', wouldn't see any parallels to a middle manager in the bible belt, whose boss talks openly about donating to people who do conversion therapy, and so isn't out at work, but is part of the local gay scene. But people in those sorts of situations may see themselves in Harry.

I think that most urban queer people in queer friendly jobs, would acknowledge in general that there are structural elements to the closet, and even structural elements to a lot of celebrity closets. For example, I don't think people would suggest that coming to terms with themselves is the only relevant issue when it comes to All Blacks (or football players, or hockey players) who want to come out. But I think it's wise to assume that there's all sorts of reasons people might be closeted, and not erase the possibilities of economic, and other structural reasons for anyone. And I think that's particularly true for people who don't feel those impediments themselves, even when they're talking about someone who seems very similar to them.

************

To go back to Harry in particular - like you and Marx say - he's making his own history, but not in circumstances of his own choosing. Throughout his career the decisions have been made by men, who are probably straight, and take a conservative approach to the business. And who would provide much fewer resources to a queer star than a straight one.

I'm really fascinated, by Troye Sivan's story of basically coming out right before he signed a deal with his record label. I read that as him not wanting to be given the choice that Harry has had to make over and over again - here's the resources for your career if you're out ($), here's the resources for your career if your closeted ($$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$)- which one do you choose? And Harry never had the opportunity Troye did (although I think you can see him trying to Take the same kind of action - in the Sugarscape interview in January 2011, straight after he's signed with Syco).

And obviously it's really difficult to frame any of this as oppression. Because it's not like anyone has a right to play stadiums. And in fact stadium concerts is a capitalist model of culture that is environmentally and culturally unsustainable. But all the decisions Harry has to make are in a deeply homophobic industry, where there are really significant consequences for being explicitly queer.

************

One final point - what has become useful to me, as a model of thinking about the closet - is that it's not actually a decision anyone makes. The closet is built up around us - and it has two elements the first is the assumption that everyone is straight, unless they explicitly state otherwise. And the second is there being punishment and consequences to anyone who does explicitly state that they're queer.

But neither of those elements are fixed. And I think what can happen, is that people who have come to move in circles where there are less negative consequences for being explicitly, can forget that their experience is not universal.

[bangtanloverboys]

until i see you again // ksj

summary - prince seokjin of philos is chosing his bride at his 25th birthday ball and you want to be anywhere but there. unfortunately you’re expected to go as a friend of the king and to escort your younger sister there; to see if she has a chance to win the prince’s heart. unbeknowst to you all, the prince’s eyes are already set upon someone

pairing - prince!seokjin x duke!reader

genre - fluff, angst; royalty au, childhood friends to lovers au, 

word count - 9.1k

warnings - historical inaccuracies, reader being an idiot, kissing, implied/referenced homophobia (it’s very slight, won’t even notice it if you squint), sad ending, star crossed lovers, miscommunication but it’s in the worst way possible

author’s note - sorry not sorry for making sad gay stuff oops; clast is part of the title, not yn’s actual family name. additionally, i put in a hint to new fic in here 👀 also @jinpanman since u asked to be tagged 💕 here u go

The stars had always fascinated you since you were a young lad; the shapes they made and the stories behind them, the way they always shifted in the night sky. While the view from your bedroom window at the castle was great, it could never show the full wonderful picture that was the night sky. Hence why you were now laying in the palace garden and staring up into the vastness before you, your arms folded behind your head.

“Y/N.” A familiar voice startled you into sitting up, only to see the silhouette of the Crown Prince Seokjin standing a few feet behind you. You were surprised to see him outside, but it wasn’t necessarily a shock seeing as your current place of residence was his home, the Castle of Philos. Your father, the Duke of Clast, was a close friend of the King, thus meaning he was invited to a lot of formal events. The Castle Philos was practically a second home to you, making it’s prince a close friend of yours. 

Of course your friendship was by no mere accident. It was by the design of both of your fathers’, wanting their allegiance to hold strong even with the new generation. Neither of you seemed to mind though, you both seemed to get along great with one another. But as the two of you grew up from boys and slowly approached manhood, you felt something else grow deep within your chest each time you saw the prince.

“Seokjin, you scared me!” You whisper shouted at him as sat himself next to you on the grass. “What are you doing out here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” he retorted. “I saw you from the window, thought I might join you.” Your cheeks burned at his response as you watched him lay back on the grass, assuming the same position you had only moments ago. 

The sight of the young prince was something to behold as he lounged on the lawn, being at only 18 years old he was already picture perfect for everything a prince should be: honorable, intelligent, merciful. One quality you had heard whispered amongst the court ladies was how handsome he was, something not even you could deny. His dark eyes emulated the night sky, reflecting the stars up above. The soft angle of his jaw paired with the dark hair that fell over his forehead framed his face beautifully. Then there was his lips, they looked soft and pillowy; and you wanted nothing more than to feel them for yourself-

“Are you going to lay down or continue to sit there and stare?” He questioned you, raising a sculpted brow at you.

The burn extended past your cheeks to the tips of your ears. You laid down beside him, hoping the cool grass could possibly lower your growing temperature. You laid there, stiff next to him as your gaze locked back onto the sky. Neither of you said a word as the stars twinkled like diamonds above you. You heard the prince shift in his position, now resting on his elbow and staring down at you. 

“You’re thinking.”

“How would you know?” You scoffed at his (correct) assumption of your silence. While your voice remained steady, your head was reeling at his closeness. If he came any closer, he could’ve heard your heart thumping away against your chest. 

“You forget Y/N, I know you better than you know yourself.” He gave you a sly wink before he slipped back to lay his head back down. “Just relax, whatever it is you’re thinking, I’m sure it’s nothing.” 

You open your mouth to protest but a loud booming voice of your name echoed in your ears. 

“Y/N. . .Y/N. . . Wake up!” The voice of your younger sister bleeding through as you jolted awake. “Coachman said we’re nearly there.” Through bleary eyes, you glanced about your surroundings. Seated across from you was your sister, Jia, who stared at you as you blinked away the sleep from your eyes. You turned your head to the window, watching as the green countryside slowly began to turn into the village outside the castle. 

“How long was I out?” You inquired as you moved to sit up properly.

“A few hours,” she responded with a shrug. “Did you have a nice dream?”

“How would you know I was dreaming?” You asked her, still fatigued from the unplanned nap.

“You were smiling.” 

Your heart stung at her words; the question was innocent enough, but a reminder of the hurt you’ve felt since that night. You almost didn’t want to answer her original question, but the eager look on her face had you sighing. No way in hell would she go without an answer. Keeping a neutral face, you replied. “It was a pleasant dream.” That was all you said. There was a slight twinge of disappointment, but she took the answer nonetheless. 

 Letting out a sigh, you leaned back against the wall of the carriage, thinking back on the dream. It had been almost 7 years since that night with the prince. That was the last, what one might call, intimate moment with him. Because since that night, you had both been bombarded with your respective duties; him as prince and you as a duke to be. Surely you had seen him between then and now, but those moments were brief and far inbetween. In fact the last time you saw him was at the funeral of your father, sometime last year. You don’t remember much of that meeting, overwhelmed with grief to even process that he was giving you his condolences. 

But soon enough, you shall be reunited with the Crown Prince for this 25th birthday. Normally you would’ve been excited about going to see Seokjin, all you could feel in your stomach was dread. The reason being as to your visit was because his usual birthday ball had been twisted by his father for him to find a bride. All the eligible ladies in the land, which included your sister, were invited for him to pick one of them out as his future wife. The mere thought of it had you sick to your stomach. Your sister had a possibility of marrying your childhood best friend and your unrequited love, and you had to stand back and watch.

“Can you tell me again what he’s like?” Jia’s voice pulled you from your thoughts. Being a few years younger than you, she never got a chance to truly interact with Seokjin; and since the trip began, hell even before then when the invitation arrived, every few hours she would ask about him. What he was like, what he liked, if he was nice. Why she would ask this when all she had to do was wait a few hours before meeting him herself, you’d never understand. 

“Prince Seokjin is nice. He enjoys reading the history of the 7 kingdoms. When his father goes out hunting, he is usually required to join, but he will do anything he can to get out of it.” You droned as you stared out the window, surveying the commoners as you passed them by. 

“You’ve told me all this before though,” she whined, “What else is there to know about him? What was he like when you were boys?” When you remained silent, she poked at your knee, attempting to get some sort of answer out of you. “Come on, Y/N.”

Rolling your eyes, you turned your attention towards Jia. “He’s always been fascinated with food and the process the cook would go about making it.” You started, noticing how your sister leaned forward, hanging on your every word. “We’d sneak into the kitchens, and he would just watch the cook as he cut up vegetables and meats. He’d go on about how if he wasn’t the prince, he’d want to be the cook.”

Jia barked out a laugh, “Did he really? For such a handsome man, he sure has some interesting habits.”

You gave a noncommittal hum as your stare returned to the window, watching as the villagers made their way out of the street and gawk at your carriage in awe. You could tell the journey was slowly coming to a close, and you weren’t sure if you wanted it to end yet. The dirt road turned to cobblestone beneath the wheels, it was only a matter of minutes before you arrived at the palace steps. 

Jia frantically began flattening out her gown and making sure her hair wasn’t out of place. The trip from Philos Castle to the Clast Manor was merely a half day's ride, it wasn’t like much had changed from when she had left.

You exited the coach first, immediately greeted by a handful of guards who were lined up the stairs of the castle. You wondered how long they’d been there and how long they’d have to be until everyone had arrived. Glancing about, you saw that there were a few more carriages arriving in the courtyard. 

The clearing of Jia’s throat pulled you back to the task at hand, you extended your arm out for her to grab onto as she stepped out onto the cobblestone. “Wow,” she awed as she stared up at the vast castle before her. You couldn’t blame her, the sight of Philos Castle was something to behold, especially if it was your first time seeing it. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted the footmen pulling down your luggage and ready to carry it to your rooms. A silent notice that it was time for the two of you to get going. “Come along, Sister.” You started as you began to climb the steps.

Upon reaching the main entrance, you were greeted with the familiar face of the Steward, who perpetually looked like he had just tasted the world’s most sour candy. “Your Grace,” he bowed to you. “And Lady Jia. The King and prince are greeting their guests in the Grand Hall. Follow me.” That said, he turned and made his way down the hall. With you and your sister on his heels practically the entire way, you arrived at the Grand Hall.

The Grand Hall certainly lived up to its name. With high ceilings, beautiful pieces of art mounted on the walls, all glittering in the light of a golden chandelier. It was the picturesque dream of wealth and beauty. But all of its beauty couldn’t compare to Prince Seokjin, who stood at the end of the hall. Since the last time you saw him nearly a year ago, he still looked as handsome as ever. He was smiling at his father when the two of you entered, but when his gaze turned to you, you swore his smile grew bigger; brighter even. Keeping your eyes forward, you could feel Seokjin’s gaze on you, not wavering as you got closer. 

Next to him, the King let out a loud belly laugh as the two of you approached him. “Ah, Clast! It’s good to see you, my boy.” He bellowed out as you and your sister stopped in front of him.

“It’s good to see you too, Your Majesty.” You responded as you and your sister bowed respectively before him, all the while you could feel the prince’s burning stare. “May I introduce my sister, the Lady Jia.” With her introduction, she curtsied again before the two royals. 

“It’s a pleasure, Your Majesty.” She smiled as she rose up.

“The pleasure is all mine. I assume you know my son, Seokjin.” He gestured to his right to where the prince stood, silently staring at you. “Seokjin!” His father hissed, catching his attention.

His head jerked to attention at his name being called. “Sorry, yes. It’s lovely to see you again Clast- and meet you too, of course, Lady Jia.” He stumbled over his words as he bowed his head. “Apologies, my mind has been elsewhere.”

“It’s no worries, Your Highness.” You waved off his slip. 

“Anyways!” The King clasped his hands together. “The two of you must be tired from your journey, the steward shall show you to your chambers.” He gestured to the same sourface Steward stepped forward. “I look forward to seeing you again tomorrow night, Clast.”

“I can’t wait, Your Majesty.” You returned the king’s sentiments as you and your sister were led out of the hall, still feeling the prince’s stare seer into your back as you walked further and further away from the Grand Hall. 

Soon as the Grand Hall was far behind you, you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. Had seeing Seokjin again affected you this much? While you had managed pretty fine to hold yourself together for that meeting, how on Earth were you going to manage the ball where he had to choose a wife? You couldn’t avoid him, there’s no doubt he’d want to catch up after not seeing you at all the past year. God, you felt like a fool for coming and thinking you’d be able to push your feelings out of the way. But your mother and sister jumped at the chance for the possibility of marrying the prince. Thus, you had no choice but to accompany your sister to the palace.

As the Steward led you down the winding hallways, you noticed that the hallways started to become more and more familiar. Considering you had dreamt of these hallways mere hours ago, it wasn’t that hard to place them from your memory. The King had set aside certain rooms for your family when you visited, you can’t say you were surprised or not about them still being set aside for you. Perhaps it was to still honor your father, or keep the good relationship between your families. However you were surprised to see the Steward stop in front of the heavy oak door of the room that was once your father’s. 

“Your Grace shall be staying here,” he announced as he opened the door. You stepped through the threshold, inhaling deeply as you glanced around the space. Your trunk was at the foot of the bed. The same bed he slept in, the same desk he worked at, the same books he read on the shelves. What felt stranger how despite the room not being occupied in years, it still held the same scent of leather bound books and ink. The scent of your father. “I hope the chamber is to your liking.” The Steward’s voice pulled you from your thoughts.

“Yes, it’s fine. Thank you.” 

“Very well, if the Lady Jia could please follow me.” With that, he shut the door. The distinct steps of him and your sister fade away down the hall as he escorted her away. 

Now alone, realization began to creep over you. When the invitation to the prince’s ball arrived you didn’t want it to be true. In fact, you almost pushed it so far back in your mind you nearly tricked yourself into believing it was just a bad dream. One that you’d wake up from any moment now. But now that you were finally there at the palace, a mere day away from the event. You were going to be sick. 

The sick knot in your stomach didn’t leave you the rest of the day, despite your best attempts at any distraction. You tried to keep ahead on some of the needs and resources of your providence, read a few chapters of a book you pulled from one of the shelves, changed out of your traveling clothes, anything to keep your mind off the inevitable ball tomorrow night yet nothing seemed to succeed. 

By the time the sun had fallen below the horizon, you still felt the overwhelming dread. So much so that you barely ate the dinner that was privately presented to you, barely being able to get more than a few bites down. In the midst of picking at your meat, there was a knock on your door. Curious as to who would be here so late in the evening, you unlatched the door to see Prince Seokjin standing before you.

“Y-Your Highness,” you stuttered out, not expecting him at such an hour. 

“Are we really referring to each other as titles? I thought we knew each other better than that, Y/N.” He said with a breathy laugh. 

The sound of his voice speaking your name was music to your ears. Loving the way each syllable fell off his lips, before you could stare at his mouth any longer than you probably already were, you cleared your throat. “Seokjin,” his face lit up when you called him by his name, “what are you doing here?”

“I thought we could catch up a bit? Seeing how we weren’t able to properly when you first arrived.” He shrugged, as if the plans were obvious. 

You hesitated a bit, seeing the late hour and if this would even do your heart any good considering you had 24 hours to attempt to get over him. 

“If you don’t want to, I understand.” He added, filling the silence you had provided. “It’s late, and you had a long journey. I’ll let you rest.” He began to turn, disappointment evident on his face.

“Wait!” You exclaimed, your hand wrapping around his wrist. When you realized how brash your action was, you released him, silently cursing yourself. “We can catch up, if that is what you wish.”

A smile grew on his face. “Of course! You still like stars, correct?”

You were taken back by his question. While you still had the fascination with stars, you had very little time nowadays to look at them. In fact the last time you even had time to look at stars was the night from your dream, when the prince laid down next to you in the castle gardens. Since that night, you’ve been too exhausted to stay up late enough to examine the night sky. “Yes?” 

“Brilliant! Follow me,” he grabbed your hand and whisked you down the hallway, barely giving you enough time to shut your door. Seokjin led you through the passages, only the moonlight shining through the windows to guide you. Your heart was going to beat out of your chest, with your hand snug in his grasp. 

He led you up a large door. With his free hand, Seokjin opened it, exposing a staircase before you. As the two of you started to climb up, you were beginning to recognize where you were going. “Are we-?”

“Shh! We’re almost there!” He shushed you as you arrived at the top of the stairs, revealing the observatory to you. You’re in absolute awe of the room, the large windows making up the walls and ceilings; the moon fully illuminating your surroundings. “Over here!” Seokjin tugged you towards the direction of one of the windows, a telescope set up and ready for use. 

You pulled your hand from his grasp and let your hands trace over the cool brass, enthralled with the device before you. When the two of you were boys, you weren’t allowed in the tower observatory in fear that you might break something. When you got older, you’d only been in there once before, but never beneath a clear night sky. 

A rush of chill air hit your body, you looked up to see the prince had opened up a window, giving more room for the telescope. “Take a look!” He stepped away from the device, making space for you.

Leaning down, you peered into the eyepiece. A gasp escaped your lips as you took in the brilliance of the stars right before your very eyes. You could pinpoint a few of the constellations you remember reading about. But instead of the fuzzy dots you were so used to seeing, you saw them clearly; they seemed even brighter. “Wow, Seokjin, I. . .” you straightened to look at him, who looked very pleased with himself, “I don’t know what to say? This is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in years.” That was partially a lie. He was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in your entire life, nothing could top him. 

“You’re welcome,” he said with a sly smile. “I got it recently and I thought of you.”

“You. . . thought of me?” Your heart fluttered at the thought.

“Of course, Y/N.” He took a step closer to you, “I always think of you.” His words were soft as he gently raised his hand to your face, brushing a few stray hairs from your eyes. Your breath hitched as the tips of his fingers grazed over your skin. Meeting his eyes, you noticed for a split second that his gaze flickered down to your mouth. Then he slowly began to lean towards you. Your feet turned to stone, you couldn’t move as he got closer and closer to you. You weren’t sure what was happening. It couldn’t be happening. It had to be a dream. Your mind was racing at a million thoughts a second, as Seokjin got closer and closer. Just about when the prince’s lips seemed to hover over your own-

DONG

The sound of a clock chimed loudly in the observatory, shattering the moment and bringing you back to reality. Immediately, you stepped away from Seokjin, your face burning hot. “It’s late. I- I need to get to bed.” You turned away from him, embarrassed at what had just happened. 

“Right.” There was a twinge of dismay in his voice as he spoke. “I’ll walk you back to your room.”

“That won’t be necessary!” You cringed at how quickly you rejected his offer. “It’s late, and your chambers are farther than mine. Goodnight, Your Highness.” You bowed your head then rapidly made your way back down the stairs, barely hearing the prince’s ‘Goodnight’ in return. 

The following morning you did not want to get out of bed. You did not- could not face the prince again after last night. What happened had to have been a dream, it had to be. But the clear memory of the stars, how you could vividly recall the way your hand fit into his all proved you otherwise. It actually happened, and you couldn’t help but feel humiliated. He was getting married soon, for God Sake! And it couldn’t be you. It will never be you. 

Eventually had to get up. Dressing yourself up a bit, but you remained in your room. Deciding to read and work on any paperwork, distracting yourself from even thinking about Seokjin. 

You managed to do so quite nicely up until the hours before the ball was to start. Outside your window, spotting the hustling of all the castle staff trying to finish up the last of the preparations, scrambling to get them done. However all the chaos from outside the window and outside your door pulled you from your progress of not thinking of the prince or the party. All throughout the halls, people were gossipping about the prince and which lady he would choose as his possible wife. 

When the clock struck the hour, signalling that the ball was to start, you knocked on the door to your sister’s chambers. “If that’s you Y/N, I’m nearly ready. You can come in!” She called from the inside. With a roll of your eyes, you pushed open the door to see your sister sitting in front of a vanity, a maid-servant finishing up her hair. Looking at you through the mirror, Jia lips quirked up into a smile. “Why don’t you look handsome, Brother.”

You take a quick glance at yourself behind her; you’re dressed only more elevated than usual. Fresh pair of trousers and shoes on, your waistcoat buttoned neatly, and your hair is more styled. Other than that, you look practically the same as you would on any other day. Not wanting to argue with your sister, you merely bowed your head in thanks. 

“What do you think of the dress?” Jia asked as the maid finished with her hair, she stood to reveal the full picture. The style of the dress was similar to something she had worn to your ascension, yet this was light blue in color. There was no grand design amongst the dress, it was simple and fitting. 

“You look lovely,” you responded.

“Thank you. You said he liked blue, correct?” She questioned as she began to slip on her gloves.

“Pardon?” 

“The prince? His favorite color is blue?” She clarified as she walked over to you. “Honestly, Y/N, where is your head? I’m trying to gain his favor. Helps that I have his best friend as a brother.” She chortled as she linked arms with you. 

“Right, yes. He favors blue.” You muttered as you turned towards the door. “Right, well, let’s get going. Don’t want to be late.” You forced a cheerful tone. With that, your sister smiled at you and you began to make your way towards the ballroom. 

Already you saw lines of fabulously dressed noble women and royals from across the seven kingdoms, all willing to try and win Prince Seokjin’s affections. You saw a few familiar faces as you escorted your sister about the room; friends of your late father, fellow dukes and viscounts, even a couple visiting princes. All of which were either here to escort the most eligible woman in their family or merely showing support for the prince’s birthday. 

About an hour in, Jia excused herself to try and gain a dance with the prince, leaving you standing alone at the sidelines; watching Seokjin dance with lady after lady after lady. He was a talented dancer, dancing gracefully with each partner. With each dance, you couldn’t help but notice a disinterested look grow on his face. A few times when you thought he caught your eye, you spotted a glimmer in his eye. A spark of happiness that managed to peak through his facade. But when he turned, causing his partner to face you. You saw a proud smirk on their face, as if they were the ones that made him perk up. 

“Clast? Is that you?” A familiar voice called out to you. Turning your head to follow the voice, you spotted the owner of the voice. Prince Yoongi of Lun was making his way towards you, pushing his way through the crowd. “It’s good to see you.” He held his hand out for you to shake.

With a smile, you took it. “Good to see you too, Your Highness. How are things?”

“Good, everything is good. You’re here on behalf of your sister, I suppose?” He asked as his hand retreated.

The mention of your sister had your chest aching, reminding you of the entire situation once again. “Y-yes. She is somewhere in the crowd, waiting her turn.” Hopeful that he didn’t catch on to your hesitation; you gestured over to the dance floor, as if you couldn’t see her waiting at the front of it. 

It was clear that he had noticed it, yet he didn’t point it out, only saying “I see.” He turned to face the crowd next to you, standing in silence as the band played on. “Have you married yet, Clast?” He questioned.

“No, h-haven’t had the time.” Your basic response to whenever anyone questioned your marital status, a normal question made by men wanting to set you up with their daughters. Why would Yoongi be asking you that though, you thought to yourself, unless he was thinking about asking to set you up with someone? But that couldn’t be, as you don’t recall him having any female relatives. 

“Not having the time. . .” He repeated, laughing softly to himself. “Surely you’ve had enough time, attending balls like this? You’re a young man with a title, young ladies and their mothers must be crawling over you.” He further inquired. 

“Well, yes. . .” you struggled to rack your mind for a plausible excuse. He was for the most part correct, parties like this usually had young eligible noble women practically throwing themselves on to you. But upon your excuse, they usually backed away. Not further question you. “It’s just-uh-” 

Before you managed to come up with a concrete answer, Yoongi spoke again. “You don’t need to answer that. But to a degree, I can understand you.”

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t think I follow?”

“You’re in love, are you not?” He turned his head to you, a knowing expression. You opened your mouth to deny it, but no words came out. “It’s clear as day. But for some reason, you cannot be with them. Yet you long to be.” His face seemed to fall a bit at his words and he turned to face the crowd again. “Believe me, you’re not alone in that sort of suffering.” His gaze fixated on a young male servant, who stood at the edge of the ballroom, tray in hand. For a fraction of a second, you saw a soft smile across his face. But soon as the smile was there, it was gone. “Take my advice, don’t let him get away.” He gave your shoulder a firm pat before he walked back into the crowd, not permitting a response from you. 

Glancing back to the center of the dance floor, you made eye contact with Seokjin. This time there was no denying it. He beamed at you and suddenly all the people in the room seemed to fade away, like it was only the two of you. He was radiant in the light of the ballroom, his smile radiating happiness. Yoongi was right, you were in love with the prince and you wanted nothing more than to be by his side. 

With his advice echoing in your mind, you moved to take a step forward but your legs felt like lead. All at once, the golden glow of the ballroom faded to grey; the prince’s bright light dimmed, dark shadows danced at the edge of your vision. You could feel all of the court staring at you, whispering amongst themselves. Jia’s eyes were locked on you, fire burning in them The King frowned in disapproval. There were too many eyes on you. Your heartbeat was in your ears, throbbing against your skull. At the center of it all, Seokjin stood out in the crowd, his features twisted with concern. He mouthed something to you, something you couldn’t make out. You took a step backward, it felt easier than moving forward. You took another, and another, until you turned on your feet and dashed out of the ballroom. 

Air, you needed air. Quickly, you weaved your way through the busy hallways until you found the door to the garden terrace. Thankfully, no one from the party seemed to have come outside as of recently, leaving you alone. You let your hands rest upon the stone railing as you caught your breath, the cool night air filling your lungs. Raising your head up, you stare up at the sky, the moon staring back down at you. 

“You alright?” Whipping around, you saw Seokjin standing in front of you, the light of the open door behind him giving him a golden halo. “Y/N?”

You turned back around, staring back out into the gardens. “I’m fine.”

His steps against the stone echoed, only stopping once he was practically right behind you. “Don’t lie to me, what happened?”

You barely understood what had happened. One moment you were filled with confidence, ready to pull him to the side to speak with him. Then the next you felt nothing but shame. The judgement of the court, your sister, the king. You couldn’t tell him. Yoongi had sweet sentiment, but it just couldn’t be. He was the prince! And you were a duke. A man. You wouldn’t even be able to openly tell him you love him, let alone marry him! “I needed some air.”

“I could use some too, it was getting stuffy in there.” He responded as he continued to stand behind you.  “Come on. We could both use a little break from the excitement.” You didn’t move, it was a bad idea to go with him. Just return to the party and move on. “Y/N. . ?”

Despite your better judgment, you turned to face him. His beautiful smile grew once you faced him. “Lead the way.”

He led you down the stairs of the terrace and into the gardens. Neither of you said anything, letting the music of the ball fade away into the sounds of the night. The further you walked away from the palace, the less concerned you found yourself about if the people were going to come looking for you. It was only you and Seokjin now.

He took a turn off the path, walking over the lawn towards the roses. Spotting a stone bench, he seated himself, you continued standing beside him. “You can sit, Y/N.” He gestured to the spot beside him. You hesitated for a moment before finally sitting down next to him. His knees brushed against yours as you both stared out over the gardens. “Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” He asked after a moment.

“Nothing is bothering me.” 

“Y/N, I know you better than you know yourself.” Repeating the very same words he said nearly 7 years ago. “What’s the matter?”

Taking a deep breath, you answered. “You’re getting married.”

Seokjin frowned at your admission. “What on Earth gave you that idea?”

It was your turn to be confused. “Your father? On the invitations, it was a call that you’d be picking your future bride at this very ball.” You explained. 

“Believe me when I say this Y/N,” he took your hands in his, “I have no intentions of picking a bride tonight nor ever.”

Those last few words echoed around in your brian. “Ever?”

“I can’t be with someone who I don’t love,” he said as if it were obvious. “When I become king, the only person I want by my side is you.”

Your hands grew clammy as your heart pounded against your ribs. “Seokjin, what are you saying?”

“Is it not obvious?” His hands moved to cup your face. When you met his eyes, the poor attempt at a wall that you tried to build over your heart broke away. 

“I need to hear you say it,” your voice faltered, barely above a whisper. 

Leaning in closer, his breath fanned over your lips. “I love you.”

The words hung in the air for barely a moment before you closed the gap between you two. Your eyes fell shut and the entire world melted away, leaving only you and Seokjin being the only sole beings in that moment. And oh how you wanted to live in that moment forever. To know nothing else but the feel of his lips against yours, the sweet scent of the roses around you, the brisk air of the night tickling any exposed skin as you clung to each other. 

You don’t know when but tears had begun to roll over your cheeks. The wetness passed over your lips, tasting of salt as you continued to kiss. The slight bitter taste had him pulling away, eliciting a whine to fall from you. He couldn’t leave now, not after how long you’ve dreamt of this moment! Opening your eyes, the blurry outline of Seokjin was whipping away your tears. Blinking the rest of them away, the clear image of him filled your mind, taking notes of any little detail. You had to remember this moment for the rest of your life.

“Why are you crying?” His voice was soft as his thumb caressed your tear stained face. 

“Truthfully, I don’t know.” You responded, the last coming out in a sort of chuckle. Baffled at your own emotions. 

“No more tears, love.” He brought his lips to your forehead, pressing a small kiss to it. “No more tears.”

Despite you nodding in agreeance, more tears fell from your eyes. Whether it be tears of relief or joy, you couldn’t stop them from flowing. Placing one of your hands over his, you leaned into his touch, kissing his palm. You opened your mouth but you could even manage to get a word out, a shout was heard. 

“Prince Seokjin! Your Highness? Where are you?” An unfamiliar male voice called out.

Within a second, you pulled yourself away from him, fearful of being caught. Seokjin closed his eyes, letting out a huff, clearly upset with the interruption. “It appears our company has been missed.” He sighed as he stood up, straightening his overcoat.  “I’m here! Clast and I were merely stepping away for a moment.” 

The servant appeared around the corner; with the cover of the night, you doubt he saw you kissing, but you couldn’t be sure until he spoke again. “The King is calling for you, sir. He wants you to dance with the Princess of Maldonia.”

“Thank you, I’ll be with him right away.” Seokjin gave him a tight smile as he dismissed the servant, who promptly bowed and scurried back towards the party. “I’m sorry.” He sat back down, taking one of your hands in his. 

“No, it’s not your fault.” 

“But there’s so much we need to discuss-”

“Seokjin,” you squeezed his hand, “we’ll figure it out.”

With a smile on his lips, he kissed you one last time before standing again. The two of you walked hand in hand back towards the castle again. He stopped when you reached the stairs to the terrace. “I’ll send a letter to your room later tonight, I would stop by but I fear my father isn’t going to be happy with hearing me not choosing a bride.” He chuckled, looking down at your still linked fingers. 

You laughed with him, before falling silent. The music of the party reminded you that you couldn’t remain there forever. “You need to go.” Seokjin didn’t move yet, still staring down at your hands, trying his damnedest to turn a single moment into a thousand. 

“Not yet.”

Unfortunately, as soon as the words left his mouth the servant stepped out onto the terrace, forcing him to drop your hand. “Your Highness, the King is growing impatient.”

With a sigh, he made his way up the stairs. Once he reached the top, he looked back down at you. His smile was back on, glowing and beautiful, yet his eyes were pained as he spoke. “Good talk, Clast. Enjoy the rest of the party.” Then he turned toward the servant, following him back into the brightly lit hallways of the castle. 

 The rest of the party went by in a blur. When you returned to the ballroom, your sister came up to you and complained about how she didn’t get a chance to dance with Seokjin before he started dancing with the Princess of Maldonia. Whatever she said you didn’t hear, because you were too busy looking for the prince but he was nowhere to be found. The only prince you did make eye contact with was Prince Yoongi, who was standing across the hall, a knowing look on his face. 

By the time the party was over and you had returned to your room, you were anxious to wait for Seokjin’s letter. You couldn’t help but think about what it might contain. Plans for the future? His feelings about you? You stayed up waiting for a servant to knock or perhaps it would slide beneath the door. 

Yet nothing arrived. 

You waited until the rays of the sun peeked over the horizon, but nothing came. Laying down on your bed, you felt a knot grow deep in your stomach. You thought of a million scenarios as to why. Perhaps by the time he talked with his father he fell asleep soon as he reached his room, or maybe he fell asleep writing it. You tried to be reasonable with your thoughts, but your mid went to darker places as you laid there. Did his father get mad at him for not wanting to choose someone and throw him in the dungeon? Were you spotted and he was getting punished? Would they come for you next? Or what you thought could be even worse, did he regret his confession?

It was 10 o’clock when a servant came to wake you, finding you red eyed and exhausted. He was clearly shocked by your current state, as you could see by his face, but he said nothing on it. “Your sister is nearly ready to go, Your Grace.”

“I’ll be ready in a moment,” you grumbled as you pulled yourself out of the bed. The servant bowed before he left, probably to get your carriage ready. One half of you wanted to get ready as fast as possible, leave the castle and never return. You’d hide away in Clast Manor forever. But the other half wanted to stay, find Seokjin and demand an answer as to why nothing came. 

Once you were dressed and reorganizing your belongings into your trunk, there was a knock, followed by Jia throwing the door to your chambers open; quickly followed by some footmen. 

“You were apprehensive to come and now you’re stalling to leave?” She raised a brow at your still open trunk.

 “Had a lot on my mind, I apologize.” You dryly apologized as the servants shut your case and began carrying it out of the room. Your answer didn’t seem to satisfy her, as she rolled her eyes at you. “Let’s get going then,” you held out your arm for her to take. With a huff, she linked arms with you. The two of you walked in silence as your steps echoed in the halls. 

As you turned towards the staircase that would lead you towards the entry hall, you heard your name called out. Turning, you spotted Seokjin running towards you. Glancing at your sister, she looked confused as the prince was making quite a hurry to get to you. 

“Go wait by the carriage,” you told her, kissing her cheek. “I promise I’ll join you soon.”

“You better, or else I’m leaving without you.” She muttered as she started down the stairs, the footmen following behind her. 

You watched her descend as Seokjin arrived behind you; putting on a brave face, you faced him. He looked nearly as tired as you were, yet somehow he managed to make dark circles under his eyes attractive. Opening your mouth to say something, he pulled you off to the side of the hall, hiding behind a larger planter. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to deliver it sooner,” he huffed out as he placed a sealed parchment in your hand.

“I-” you were stunned, for a moment you truly thought he might’ve regretted what happened last night. Yet here he was, parchment in hand. “Why? What took you so long?

“I uh- Well. . . you’ll know in the letter.” He waved your question away before taking both of your hands in his. “Promise me you’ll write as soon as possible? Please?”

You stared down at your joined hands, and all the hurt feelings from the night bubbled up to the surface again. The anxiety, fear, betrayal. It all came rushing back, but as you looked up to speak your mind, your words died in your throat. His pleading eyes bored into yours and butterflies erupted in your stomach. Sucking in a breath, you nodded. “I promise.”

Seokjin looked like he was going to cry as he heard your words, pulling you into his arms. You attempted to resist for a moment before melting into his embrace; wishing you didn’t have to leave so soon. Wishing you had more time to talk. His lips grazed over the shell of your ear,  his breath fanned against your skin as he hesitated for a moment. He said nothing as he pressed a kiss then he pulled away. He gave you one last fleeting smile before he ran back down the hall, disappearing behind a corner.

Stuffing the letter into your pocket, you made your way down the stairs. As you approached the bottom, you came across the King as he was bidding some of his guests goodbye. Despite how badly you wished to leave as soon as possible, you couldn’t risk not saying goodbye to your host.

“Ah, there you are Clast! I hope you enjoyed the ball!” He said as he shook your hand tightly. 

“It was a wonderful party, Your Majesty. Thank you for the invitation.” 

“But of course! I hope you can come around again for the wedding!” He patted your hand as he let go.

“W-wedding, Your Majesty?” You questioned as he turned to the person behind you.

“Goodbye, Clast. Have a pleasant trip home!” Either he didn’t hear you or he was purposefully ignoring the question. Whichever it was, your head felt like it was spinning as you exited the palace doors. 

You spotted your carriage not far from the base of the steps, Jia looking thoroughly annoyed in the window as she waited for you. Carefully as you could, you made a beeline for the door. You didn’t even give a footman enough time to step down and open the door for you, just throwing it open and clambering in.

“Your Grace-?”

“Just go!” You snapped, waving your hand to signal for the coach to get moving. Seokjin’s letter burned through your clothes, you wanted nothing more than to rip it open and find out for yourself what the King meant by a wedding and what his explanation was. But with Jia sitting across from you, who was eyeing you like a caged animal, you had to wait till you returned home. 

The journey to Philos was a long drag you will admit, but the return to Clast Manor felt like ages in  comparison. Jia must’ve sensed your agitation as she said nothing the entire way back, not even a word when you stopped for supper at an inn a quarter through the way home. Soon as you arrived back at the manor, you took off towards your bedroom, not even bothering to greet your mother or other siblings. You could hear the murmurings of your family as you clambered up the staircase. 

Once behind the safety of your locked chambers, you lit an oil lamp and pulled Seokjin’s letter out from your coat pocket. Your fingers traced over the seal of the prince, staring at the blue wax for a moment. The seal should’ve settled your anxiety yet it continued to bubble deep in your stomach. Breaking open the wax, you unfolded the paper to read what explanation Seokjin might have. 

My dearest, Y/N

I’m sorry for such a delay, but I have unfortunate news. Apparently the ball was merely a facade of choice for me, Father has gone behind my back and arranged a marriage between the Maldonian Princess and myself in a fortnight. Upon my refusal, he locked me away in my room and won’t  let me out until I agree to the union. With you waiting and about to leave in the morning, I have no other choice but to say yes. By the time you have read this, I will be engaged.

So there was your explanation of the wedding, the King was referencing. Your heart ached at the words, hating the news, but you read on. 

I’ve devised a plan though, a plan for you and me to flee Philos and live together far away. Where no one can ever find us ever again. My title shall go to my cousin Hoseok, he shall rule Philos instead of I. Remember all those games and stories we made up where we didn’t have to be king or duke? Those dreams can become our reality! I know it sounds insane, but I’m ready and willing to do it. 

For you.

Write back to me as soon as you can and we can begin our plot.

Until I see you again, 

Seokjin

Your vision blurred as tears filled your eyes, threatening to fall onto the parchment. Not daring to drop the precious letter, you ran over to your desk and scrambled for fresh parchment. You were soaring above the clouds as you seated yourself down, reading your pen and ink. You held nothing back as you accepted his proposal to run away, ready and willing at any moment he proposed. You didn’t care about the ink droplets that fell or any scribbles of words you misspelled. All that mattered was you sent the letter off at first light. 

Without even thinking, you heated up the blue ink your mother had not so subtly been purchasing for you, in hopes you’d find yourself a lover or a wife anytime soon. Pressing your personal seal into the hot wax, you officialized your promise to Seokjin. 

Despite the adrenaline coursing through your veins, the exhaustion of not sleeping at all the night before slowly caught up on you, barely giving you enough time to even properly undress before you collapsed onto your bed. That night you dreamt of your new life with Seokjin. The two of you so far away from anyone you might know, living in a cottage at the edge of the woods, perhaps selling bread to a nearby village. The both of you together, completely happy.

When you woke up the following morning, rushing down to a messenger to send off your letter to Philos at once. Despite the confusion of you just being there, the messenger followed the order and rode off fast as he could. The rest of the day you were in a chipper attitude, something your family was a bit surprised at considering the grim demeanor you held leaving the manor and arriving back last night.

However the happy attitude could last so long. 

It should only take a day or two for the prince to respond to your correspondence, but when your messenger arrived back empty handed, you felt the familiar flood of anxiety rush through you again. You dismissed it though, perhaps he’s following through with his father and visiting Maldonia for some reason or other. Waiting a few more days, yet nothing arrived. You crafted another letter and sent it off with a different messenger that night. The only thing that returned was a wedding invitation.

You dropped the letter off in the parlor where your family were all visibly excited about a wedding. The only one sharing your glum mood of the announcement was Jia, who was mourning the loss of such a match. You didn’t even bother telling her it wouldn’t have worked out anyways, just sitting in silence as your littlest sister talked about how pretty a royal wedding was going to be. 

The day of the wedding your mother all but dragged you out of bed to go, not even giving you a moment to even feign sickness. 

“You must go in support of your future king and friend! I won’t have you wasting away all the work your father did for us to continue to be close friends of the royal family.” She scolded you, throwing wear onto your bed. With your younger siblings staying behind; you, Jia, your mother, and your other brother all got into the carriage and started off towards the capitol.

The city was decorated with ribbons and flowers as crowds of people lined up along the streets, waiting for a chance to get a glimpse at the royals and nobles arriving. You wished to be home at the manor, a nearby kingdom, just anywhere but have the man who broke your heart and made a fool of you stand in front of you and get married.

Exiting the carriage, you joined the line of the court to be escorted into the Grand Hall. With your mother on your arm, she pointed out the things that have changed since her last visit, but her chittering fell on deaf ears, you simply stared off into the distance as the entrance to the Grand Hall grew closer and closer. By the time you had arrived at the threshold, you were greeted by the king. 

“Ah, Duke and Dowager Duchess of Clast, lovely to see you both.” The King greeted you as you both bowed before him. Taking your mother’s hand, he pressed a chaste kiss to her knuckles. “And you’re looking wonderful, Dowager.”

“Oh thank you, Your Majesty. You’re too kind,” she giggled, you resisted the urge to roll your eyes at the scene. 

“Clast, I'm glad you could make it.” He shook your hand next, “Seokjin has been. . . anxious to hear from you. He’d be so happy to see you’re here.” His grip on your hand tightened as his words began to register with you. 

“Wait-”

“Enjoy the wedding,” he released your hand and moved on to the next guest. Your mother pulled you and your siblings in the direction of the pews. The voices of all the people echoing against the walls became muffled as you were seated down in the front of the hall, right in front of the altar. Thoughts were rushing through your mind faster than you could think of them. 

Does that mean Seokjin didn’t purposefully not respond? Did he even receive your letters? Did his father know? How did his father know? You had to find Seokjin, perhaps you could come up with some sort of plan and you could still run away together after the wedding. You just had to find him-

The sound of a horn silenced the Grand Hall, everyone falling quiet as they stood and watched the Crown Prince walk down the aisle. The breath was sucked out of your lungs as he walked past you. He looked absolutely regal in his royal wear, his crown placed perfectly on his head, he looked every bit of the prince he was. The only give away there was to his true mood was his eyes; there were dark circles under his eyes, deeper than they were the last time you saw him. When he stopped at the altar, he turned, his eyes surveyed across the court.

His eyes met yours and his gaze sharpened. You felt all the hurt and pain you’ve been feeling returned to you tenfold in that moment alone. You wanted to run to him, scream and cry out for him. Tell him that you did write back, that you did want to run away with him, but you were frozen in your place. 

When the music started up again, his eyes snapped to the aisle to watch his bride. He remained focused on the Maldonian Princess standing in front of him. The entire ceremony your eyes never left Seokjin, silently begging- pleading for him to turn and look at you. 

But he never did.

[sunkissedpages]

Whats going on with chris ratt?????

so right now he’s under fire for being a tr*mp supporter and a white supremacist which technically hasn’t been proven 👀 but i’m p sure he voted for him last election soooo

and rn a few mcu cast members have come forward in his defense which is really shitty considering how no one said anything when brie larson, elizabeth olsen, emily van camp, tessa thompson, and zendaya were being harassed online by misogynistic assholes. not only that- but these same actors that are defending pratt had nothing to say about the racism toward their black costars in this franchise... like this is the time they choose to call out their fans??

but i haven’t liked chris pratt for a while (check out my tag #crisp rat if you wanna see more lmao) for many reasons:

his take on diversity: “i don’t see personal stories that necessarily resonate with me, because they’re not my stories. i think there’s room for me to tell mine, and probably an audience that would be hungry for them. the voice of the average, blue-collar American isn’t necessarily represented in Hollywood.” (men’s journal, 2017)

his religious affiliation: he is a member of hillsong church, and though he denies the churches homophobia/claims not to agree with it, hillsong church has this statement on their website: “hillsong church welcomes ALL people but does not affirm all lifestyles. put clearly, we do not affirm a gay lifestyle and because of this we do not knowingly have actively gay people in positions of leadership, either paid or unpaid.” (brian houston, 2015)

his inappropriate behavior on parks and rec: basically he exposed himself (fully nude) to amy poehler and rashida jones without their knowledge or consent beforehand for “a better reaction” on camera. he almost got fired for that. he also made aubrey plaza uncomfortable a few times, once being when he asked her to redo a take of her hitting him and it wasn’t until later that she found out he asked her to do that bc he was “into it” not for a better shot or whatever

his political silence: the reason that so many speculate about his political beliefs is bc he doesn’t really speak on them and “makes it a rule not to”. but it’s also the fact that he’s kind of... proud of not getting into politics... like we get it you’re privileged

anyway he’s not that funny and i don’t like him bc the vibes he gives off are very... greasy straight high school theater boy that sends dick pics to every single girl in the cast (is this based off of a personal experience mayhaps) anddd yeah- a lot of people (including his celeb best friends) are saying that people are “canceling” him for no reason, but personally i think there are several valid reasons to dislike chris pratt and their little instagram posts and tweets aren’t going to change my mind

[bthump]

I wanted to touch on the whole gutsca thing with someone (I know zero people in this fandom so you're my lucky pick!). Am I alone in feeling like their first time together came out of no where? My meta with Guts is that he was not at all comfortable with sex at that time of his life (this instance being his first time [outside of the rape he experienced as a child]). His choice of words too, "here I go", translated to me like someone only doing what they felt was expected of them rather than something he was yearning for. He clearly wasn't even ready given how rough he was and how he regressed and attacked her. This moment seemed very forced and almost rang to me like Kentaro's declaration of "no homo though". I would be curious to know how Kentaro felt about homosexuality (bisexuality, etc) and if he ever addressed the ever blatant gay tension and romantic-non-platonic-love blossoming between Guts and Griffith pre-eclipse. I do get the sense that this may be a case of severe queer baiting or perhaps a PSA against gay love altogether ("falling for a man will literally destroy you and send you and everyone you love to hell" type of message); but I'm a very jaded person so I hope to be proven wrong. Sigh, my point being Gutsca seems pretty dang forced and empty of true development. I buy them more as besties than anything romantic. Especially since both he and Casca are actually in love with Griffith (what a fucking triangle!). Does anyone in fandom have any opinions on the sad possibility of this whole beautiful and ultimately tragic love between Griffith and Guts actually being a fucked up anti-gay PSA? Are there any interviews with Kentaro shooting this theory down so I can stop being sad and bitter about it? What are your thoughts?

Thanks for sending this, I'm definitely down to talk about it! I hope you connect with more people in the fandom but don’t worry about sending random asks even if you do lol.

Anyway you’re definitely not alone. I have a lot of thoughts on Guts and Casca's hook up, and they're all pretty much "it feels really forced and not particularly romantic but I think you can argue that that's deliberate" lol. For instance I discuss in a lot of detail here how various aspects of the scene indicate that Guts and Casca having sex is shown to be a case of both of them rebounding from Griffith and sort of giving to each other what they were unable or failed to give to him.

And I talk a lot about how Judeau essentially orchestrates it all and what that suggests about Guts and Casca's relationship here.

And lol sorry for all the links but also this post is about how their relationship feels one-sided to an extent and is used to illuminate a lot of Guts' flaws, using Judeau as a comparison point.

Oh shit and also one more lol, here's a comparison between the sex scene and Griffith's with Charlotte that suggests that both start as ways for the dudes to repress their feelings.

(Don't feel obligated to read all those posts if you don't want, you should get the gist of what I'm saying w/ those descriptions.)

But yeah basically I do think that Guts and Casca getting together felt forced and awkward. At best it might be intended to be seen that way, as two friends hooking up awkwardly in an emotionally intense moment but probably doomed to failure because neither of them are ready for a relationship with the other, or particularly interested in one deep down, once they finished "licking wounds." At worst it’s just bad writing lol. But again like I think there are good arguments for the former.

I also totally agree that their relationship has a strong vibe of doing what's expected. Like for real, at least to me both Guts and Casca read so easily as gay and repressed lol. Casca talks about her feelings for Griffith in terms of “he was a boy she was a girl can I make it any more obvious”

and I can’t help but see it as Casca like, wow I have strong feelings towards Griffith, he’s a man and I’m a woman, so clearly these feelings must be romantic, there’s no other option. Then when she has sex with Guts she keeps contextualizing it essentially as repayment for Guts saving her, like she owes him. “I too want a wound I can say you gave me.” “Not just being given to... maybe I can give something as well.” Which just doesn’t make her desire for him look all that genuine lol.

And then you have Guts. The way he tells Casca that from the start only her touch was okay with him after he has sex with her, referencing the scene when he wakes up with her on top of him and starts to panic before realizing she’s a woman, is soooo suggestive of repression to me. Like, first off because it’s incorrect, he was also okay with Griffith going in for a face-grab after winning a duel Guts had been projecting his rape trauma all over, which seems like a pretty conspicuous omission. And secondly because the reason he was okay with Casca’s touch specifically is solely because she’s a woman, not because she’s special or because they have a magic romantic connection - it’s because she’s not a man. To me that just screams that Guts was open to sex with Casca because she’s the only woman he knows, and he’s afraid of the idea of physical intimacy with men, regardless of what he might actually want deep down.

So yeah that’s basically how I feel about Guts and Casca’s relationship, strong agree with you.

When it comes to Miura’s intent, I can tell you that Miura was asked about the subtext in an interview once, back in 2000, and he responded with something along the lines of ‘two men can have passionate feelings for each other without it being romantic.’ The interview is here, but this is a paraphrase the translator mentioned in the comments.

Other than that I’ve never seen him address it directly, but on the flipside he has cited several textually gay stories as inspiration (off the top of my head: Kaze to Ki no Uta, Devilman, Guin Saga, mangaka Moto Hagio in general), and he has straightforwardly said that the (magical intersex) central character of his other work, Duranki, was intended to have romances with both male and female love interests. Also people tell me there are strong griffguts vibes with the main, presumably canon or intended-to-be-canon ship there. So there’s that lol.

As for the no homo aspect and the potential homophobia in the griffguts subtext... I can’t deny I’ve also considered the idea that it’s a deliberate anti-gay PSA (though I haven’t seen anyone else address the idea as far as I remember, and I’ve only briefly mentioned it offhandedly). Like, Guts and Griffith’s relationship turns bad because they’re both too invested in each other, maybe the barely-subtextual desire is meant to look like a sinister twisting of pure platonic feelings that ruins everything, if Griffith hadn’t loved him the Eclipse never would have happened, etc.

But honestly I don’t think that reading holds up compared to a much more positive reading of their feelings, in which it’s their failure to understand them and act on them, thanks largely to formative childhood trauma and self-hatred, that leads to tragedy.

I don’t know what Miura intended, and there certainly are aspects of the story that are homophobic regardless of his intent, even if my best-faith reading is entirely correct, like the only textual gay attraction being pedophiles and over the top heretic orgies lol, or yk, Guts and Griffith both assaulting the same woman while looking at/thinking about the other in a very sexually charged way.

But the reading of their relationship where it’s positive and good for both of them, even including sexual desire, and only gets fucked up because they both incorrectly think their feelings are unrequited is legitimately so weirdly strong, much stronger than a reading where the sexual nature of their feelings is what fucks everything up, so I’m pretty happy just rolling with that take.

And as much as Casca can be seen and may very well be intended as a no homo, it’s also very easy for me to read her relationships with both as less of a hopeful opportunity for positive heterosexual romance and more of a “here’s how repressing your feelings thru attempts at heterosexuality fucks you up” PSA lol. Griffith and Charlotte too, for that matter. It’s definitely a stretch to think that’s intended, but whether it’s intended or not it’s an easy sell for me and I’m fine with not really worrying too much about possible authorial intent there.

Finally, I also want to link this post that goes pretty thoroughly into why I interpret griffguts as very positive rather than as a cautionary tale or predatory gay lust etc

And also have this shorter post about Femto on the same subject too, why not

Oh and maybe this thing where I split hairs about Guts’ lust for Griffith and desire for revenge to make a point that the homoeroticism isn’t necessarily being equated with violence by the narrative lol

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Pro-variation vs. pro-selection culture

Evolution requires three things: some form of information that’s inheritable, some way to create variation from that information, and some way to select what information will be passed on to future generations. In biological evolution, of, course, we all know what these three things are: genes (information) can mutate (variation) -- well, it’s more complicated than just mutation, but this isn’t a biology lesson -- and those that are worse at surviving and reproducing themselves are of course naturally weeded out through cause and effect (selection). But other things -- art, culture, language, science, technology -- evolve as well, and they all need the same three things.

When it comes to variation and selection in things like culture and politics, there’s a sliding scale of which one people think is most important -- whether they’re more pro-variation, or pro-selection.

People on the pro-variation end of the spectrum tend to view diversity as a positive thing and selection as something that will take care of itself, or even something to be actively suspicious of because of its tendency to cause harm -- a rainbow queer community, an education system available to people of all cultures and economic backgrounds, country borders that are as open as practical, and embracing a diverse array of art make a community stronger, and things like gatekeeping, means testing and heirarchies on ‘what counts as art’ should be abandoned unless there’s a really good reason for the selective process to exist, in which case it’s grudgingly tolerated. To pro-variation people, exclusion and oppression within a community are threatening. Pro-variation people recognise that yes, you’re going to get some freeloading drains on resources and obvious money laundering schemes masquerading as terrible art and a few people pretending to be gay for a few years to look more interesting to their straight friends, and this is largely a non-issue, a perfectly acceptable price to pay for a diverse and fair world.

People on the pro-selection end of the scale tend to view selection as the main means of advancing or healing a society, and see diversity as something that will take care of itself and as something to be deeply suspicious of. Gatekeeping, unequal opportunities and financial heirarchies are needed to sort the what from the chaff and make sure everyone does their best (”capitalism breeds innovation”); initiatives to redress inequality and give minorities or poor people an ‘unfair’ advantage or make it easier for outsiders to enter the country should be abandoned unless there’s a really good reason for their existence, as they’re dragging down the ‘deserving’ and polluting the culture. To pro-selection people, contamination or invasion from outsiders is threatening. Pro-selection people recognise that yes, you’re going to lose some talented geniuses in sweatshops and stop some deserving people from achieving success and bully some LGBT people out of the community to face abuse and oppression alone, but this is largely a non-issue, a perfectly acceptable price to pay for an advanced and fair world.

“Oh, Derin, you’re just talking about left-wing vs. right-wing philosophies.” Sort of, but not really. It fits the stereotypes and common arguments to a T, but one can’t assume that all righties are pro-selection or all lefties are pro-variation. I have met pro-variation righties, although I’m not really sure how. And there are leftie TERFs out there, despite TERFism being an undeniably pro-selection philosophy. I find determining where people sit on the variation-to-selection scale to be a lot more useful for communication than left-to-right.

I say this because often I’ll see pro-selection and pro-variation people talking to each other, and notice that they’re having fundamentally different conversations. For example, let’s look at the issue of meritocracy. Most modern people would say that meritocracy is a good thing, but ’meritocracy’ means a fundamentally different thing to pro-selectionists than pro-variationists.

A pro-selectionist, when conceiving of meritocracy, tends to think in terms of, well, selection; devising a system where the strongest (those that excel in whatever the thinker thinks is important; innovation or determination or whatever) rise to the top and gain special privileges and power over others, that they can use to determine the rules and make life better for themselves and their children, elevating society as a side effect. To the pro-variationist, this is absolutely not a meritocracy. “You’ve built a system whereby those who don’t start out with more, those who are born poor or disabled or underprivileged in some way, have to work way harder and be lucky in order to get anywhere than those born lucky. People don’t get ahead on merit in this system because the playing field becomes drastically uneven after a couple of generations. This is not a meritocracy.”

A pro-variationist, on the other hand, would concentrate on making sure that everyone has a fair chance at exercising their skills and getting ahead. They’d focus on making sure that people had the space and security to exercise their skills and that, when it came to supporting the society to make that happen, those with more contributed more. To a pro-selectionist, this is absurd. “So those who have pulled ahead and succeeded are being penalised by having to give more? That’s the opposite of a meritocracy! That’s a system designed to drag the best down!”

I find this framework useful in explaining a lot of weird political quirks of certain subcultures. TERFs and tradwives, for example, are theoretically political opposites, but in practice their logic sounds almost identical to outsiders, sounding rather a lot like standard right-wing talking points and Fascism Lite. This is because they’re all using pro-selection arguments. To a pro-selectionist, the arguments of these groups look very different -- “we’re saying that X kind of people are good/virtuous/victims, and Y kind of people are bad/oppressors/sinners, which is the exact opposite of what the other group is saying!” To a pro-variationist, the fact that they are making literally the same argument makes them identical -- “you’re still putting people in your little ‘keep or cull’ boxes for exactly the same reasons, you just wrote different names on the boxes to keep or cull according to your personal taste.”

I think a lot of the things associated with right-wingers could be more accurately associated with people on the pro-selection end of the spectrum in general. It’s known, for example, that right-wingers tend to have a more sensitive disgust reflex and, as a consequence, be generally more xenophobic. You can see this in the way xenophobes talk of making room for outsiders; they talk of invasion, contamination, infection, hygeine, purity. LGBT exclusionists, lefties and righties, talk in the same sort of language. So do antis.

It’s also notable in the sorts of innocuous-seeming things that such people get really angry about. Right-wingers and authoritarians are known for their trend of an almost comical hatred of modern art. The idea that anything can be art, or that art can be measured on any level that isn’t strict complexity and realism of paint and sculpture, causes a surprising level of dislike in such groups. (See also arguments like ‘what is a video game’, ‘does this even count as a game’, althoughpeople thankfully seem to be bored of that now). Exclusionists are equally renowned for campaigns against inclusive terms like ‘queer’, and TERFs get obsessively nitpicky about people’s genitals to a really creepy degree and get very uncomfortable when you mention the ‘grey area’ in biological sex. This is normally assumed to be just dislike at people challenging their arguments, but I think it’s deeper. I think it’s like the modern art thing. Any kind of radical inclusivity is threatening to pro-selection thinkers, not because it’s a challenge to their rules and definitions -- they can have those arguments perfectly comfortably -- but because it is an attack on the very concept of meaning. “Words mean things! Groups exist! You can’t just... just get rid of groups and open up categories to include more people without putting them through a serious, rigorous proving ground first! You can’t just call anything you want to ‘art’, you can’t just call anyone outside cisheteronormative expectations part of the LGBT community, you can’t just call people men or women based on how they feel! That’s chaos! How can any progress be made if we just decide words don’t mean anything??”

(I also think this is a much-overlooked aspect of the same-sex marriage debate. Yes, most of that was garden-variety homophobia, but I’ve known a lot of people who were perfectly fine with ‘the gays having equal rights’, they just didn’t want it called marriage. To a pro-variationist, having the same legal language for partnerships regardless of the sex or gender of the participants is really important -- it’s a shield against future discrimination as the laws relating to either marriages or civil partnerships change over time. To a pro-selectionist, changing the definition of words related to fundamental cultural activities is a huge deal. “They’re eroding the very meaning of marriage! Chaos! How much more will the word change? Can people marry animals or cars next?!”)

As I said, this is a spectrum. I’ve met very few people who are on either extreme end -- even the most pro-equality liberal anarchist acknowledges that some standards of behaviour, community responses to inappropriate action and definitions of different communities do have to exist, to protect people, and the most hardocre fascist admits that there needs to be some measure of generating diversity to avoid stagnation and extinction. And people’s default reaction isn’t necessarily their position on all issues -- somebody who’s generally pro-variation might feel specifically threatened by immigration and think a strict proving ground for immigrants is necessary, or someone who is generally pro-selectionist might think that a robust social system is necessary because one’s economic status at birth has no bearing on one’s merit or value. But I’ve always found it to be a very useful general model.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

What does modern feminism do that you don't agree with? This is genuine btw

A couple things before I start: 

- This is not meant to bash all the feminists out there unless they fit into what I’m saying. I know there are good feminists out there 

- When I say ‘you’ I’m not meaning you, I’m saying it in a general way 

-I hope I get my point across and it’s clear. I sometimes struggle with that 

Also I’m sorry this is so long and it’s in no particular order and I hope none of this comes across as being aggressive or anything

~~ 

A lot of my issues with the movement boils down to attitudes. To me, that is very telling of its true colors. And I do try not to necessarily judge an entire movement from just the bad people because I know that isn’t fair, although I do feel like the bad feminists have taken over the movement and end up drowning out the good voices and that’s why we hear more negativity than positivity. 

One thing that I have issue with the lack of respect towards those that disagree whether it’s with the movement itself or it’s a particular thing. For a movement that preaches about a woman’s choice, I don’t feel that really happens like it should. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong here but depending on what the topic is I get a general impression like you’re not really supposed to disagree with what’s being side. You do and you might have someone lash out at you (that’s another point I have). Or if you say you’re anti feminist, you have people coming up with these reasons why they think you are; one being internalized misogyny  and you get called a pick-me which I find a bit insulting.  I should be able to have an opinion without someone assuming I’m trying to get a man’s attention or I can’t think for myself or I hate other girls. That isn’t it! Wouldn’t you think that is misogynistic? 

And if it’s not  internalized misogyny, then there are other factors; her being white (which usually then goes on to sound racist)  or it’s because she has money or  internalized racism or whatever they come up with. And it sounds condescending and that just bugs me. Hey, maybe instead of some underlying reason, we just don’t agree. 

or you have people try to stick the label on anyway. 

‘If you believe in equality you’re a feminist’

The label means nothing. I don’t understand why some will focus on this so much. I don’t want to be called a feminist. I don’t need to. In the same way, it’s not necessary for me to refer to myself as an MRA (men’s rights activist). And yeah, I know this says it’s an “MRA blog” that’s what I had when I started. But ultimately, the label isn’t important. I’m all for equality. It’s cool, it’s great. But I see this sort of thing (online that is) being forced on people and the thing is, with that wording it makes it sound like the movement is all inclusive when it’s not. You have to have certain politics and for the most part (unless you’re a religious feminist) you have to be pro choice otherwise you’re not a ‘real’ feminist. 

My next issue is all the aggression. You can just tell sometimes with how people respond online or if you catch a video that someone posted. And not only that, but how quickly people fall into name-calling or just all around acting like a child. And for the most it seems pretty acceptable to some because it keeps happening. It’s not hard to find on this site or otherwise. If you can’t communicate your opinions about something without having a fit or blocking someone (excluding if they just keep harassing you) then you’re not mature enough. That shows me you don’t really care about having a real discussion. And some can say that it happening on here is probably done by teenagers and to an extent they’re probably right. But it happens on other sites and in real life as well and it’s more than just teens. It’s people my age and older and that’s not cool. 

And then we have  how some like to ignore the differences between men and women. Sure, yes, there are many things a woman can do just like a man but we also have to acknowledge our differences.  I don’t see a lot of that with some forms of feminism. STEM, for example, is something I would attribute the differences more to just how men and women tend to be rather than sexism. Could there be certain circumstances where it is sexism? Sure, I suppose you can’t rule it out entirely. Otherwise I would say it’s just what they’re happy doing. I know girls who are doing science stuff or business things but I also know girls who are going to be teachers or psychologists or nurses. It’s not that they're actively being told by everyone that they can’t do it(I suppose unless they live in some other country like that). That’s just what they want to do, you know, their choice. Just like how some men go towards a job like with computers or farming or they’re pre-school teachers or gynecologists.

 I found an interesting fact (source will be posted below) that said women are actually preferred over men two-to-one for faculty positions. The study was done by psychologists from Cornell University with professors from 371 colleges/universities in the US. It also noted that: “recent national census-type studies showing that female Ph.D.s are disproportionately less likely to apply for tenure-track positions, yet when they do they are more likely to be hired, in some science fields approaching the two-to-one ratio revealed by Williams and Ceci.” 

Yet, we need to ask ourselves honestly, how often do facts like these get passed around vs the idea that women are suffering from misogyny and therefore are unable to fully represent in STEM jobs? 

The next thing I want to address is misandry. Now there are a good portion of people who don't think it exists or if it does, it's really not much of an issue because of the "power" and the "privilege" men have within society. And to me, I have a problem with that. If feminism is supposed to be for men as well, I would think they would want to combat misandry as well as misogyny. If someone really doesn't think it exists, I would suggest that the person really take a look at what goes on in real life and online that's directed towards men.

There's the whole "male tears" thing which is on coffee mugs and t-shirts. There's the kill all men/yes all men thing. All of which are supposed to be jokes and if a man says something about it he gets mocked for his "fragile masculinity"

That's just not okay. They're being immature and a bully which they usually try to justify (men have done this and that throughout history to women) but you just can't.

I found this article, this really really atrocious article. It's one of those open letter things and found on this feminist website (feminisminindia) and I almost believed it to be satire with how.... stereotypically Tumblr it was. I did research and looked at the info regarding the site and nope, it's a serious site. I'll post the article below but I'll also summarize it:

Basically this woman is telling the men in her life that she will not stop saying "men are trash or other radical feminist opinions." She's saying it because women and others have suffered so much at the hands of the patriarchy because they're not straight white men. She goes on to say:

So let’s establish: misandry isn’t real. Just like unicorns and heterophobia, misandry is a myth because it isn’t systematic or systemic. Unlike misogyny, cis men don’t face oppression purely based on their gender. While they may encounter instances of racism, homophobia and ableism, they are not dehumanised as a function of their gender identity (read: cis privilege).

That is wrong. Absolutely wrong. Misandry is real. "Cis" people do face oppression purely based on their gender. Anyone can. To deny that lacks understanding.

And the rest is just saying that: It is time to start hating on men-as-a-whole and starting celebrating the men that you are.

And: Because at the end of the day, feminists need men. Whether it’s because you wield structural power or because we genuinely value your existence, we need to band together to destroy ‘men’ because men are trash, but you, if you made it to the end of this, are probably not. Prove me right.

I would imagine this is a common viewpoint. And it's not a good one. If you genuinely think a whole group as a whole is bad you need to reexamine your thoughts. It's not "men" that are bad, it's the sexist people.

To wrap this up (I'm sure you might be tired of reading this lol); like I said, the attitudes play a huge part of it. Modern feminism, in my opinion, is just not good enough for me to say I agree with it and want to identify as one. I just can't

Here is the link to the feminist article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/feminisminindia.com/2020/09/23/men-are-trash-and-other-radical-feminist-opinions/%3famp

And here is the link for the STEM thing: https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2015/04/women-preferred-21-over-men-stem-faculty-positions

[anarmorofwords]

YES BE HAUNTED WITH ME

Its very possible considering hes very prone to assuming the very worst of Alastair including homophobia. He was worried about telling cordelia like i am 100% sure this boy is convinsed Alastairs homophobic

Ok ik thats supposed to be sad but imagine Thomas telling him he has a crush in Alastair and Mathew BuT HeS HoMpHoBiC NO-

Thomas: so I may be in love with Carstairs

Mathew: first crush on a straight boy alright Tommy Im gonna get the alcohol

Also for Alastair not liking oscar wilde

There are two main reasons I remember hearing about

1) its not really he dislikes oscar wilde its more likely a queer person trying to warn another queer person to not make those comments around there

Alastair couldnt just drop his cover and go "hey buddy dont be gay they'll beat you up ok?ok" so sniping at him might have been his way of warning

As we see the academy was very physical when it came to tormenting Alastair

Mathew was young naive and thought he could do what he wanted

But even with his privilege hes still a queer person in a heteronormative society

And even if dislike I dont think Alastair wanted to see him beaten because of that

So theres a theory that comment is just Alastair trying to get him to stop

Because next time he might not be so lucky as to who hears him

2) Oscar Wilde was said to have some....very racism ideals

I can see how Alastair would not vibe with that

AHH YESS SUFFERING TOGETHER

No seriously, I haven't thought about this before but it 1000% makes sense Matthew thinks he's homophobic

phshstst just imagine this conversation, post ChoI, and Thomas's just like,,,, "actually, we kissed"

"you kissed him?!"

"and he kissed me back"

"so HE'S... HE'S GAY?!"

"so is your brother"

(obviously it's a joke, I'm sure Tom wouldn't out Charles)

(it actually cracks me up that Matthew probably thinks he's the only queer person in their group, aside from Anna, and in reality it's like... you're not even the only Fairchild honey )

ok but back to the topic OH I can TOTALLY see him not liking OW bc of his racism, not to say there are surely other reasons, so like, fair,,,, I would just like to see Alastair actually talk about this 🥺 look I just wanna see my baby rant about literature on page

Ok I love the theory that Alastair would use it specifically as a way of communicating a warning, because you know he wanted to cause as little harm as possible, and as you said, Matthew was rather naive and did not care to keep a low-key profile so Alastair would absolutely take an opportunity to talk some sense into him.

Though then Cordelia wouldn't necessarily know about that, unless he just adopted that opinion in general, which is also possible. Like apart from straight up not liking him, I kind of think it might have also been an attempt to distance himself from not only anything that's associated with queerness but also bohemian lifestyle - after all, he desperately tried to appear respectable etc., and his - aka his family's - reputation couldn't take the things Matthew got away with because of Charlotte's position.

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

One thing that sucks that I will never get an answer to is whether Mickey was interested in Ian when he said "you know where I live if you have a problem". I personally always thought in addition to the Kash & Grab being easy for him to target, he also was interested in Ian and was kinda baiting him. Especially given how they hooked up that first time.

I'm sure Mickey's gotten into plenty of fights before that fight with Ian and likely not gotten aroused (I mean who knows but I'm just assuming)

Anywho, I wondered what your take is/was on Ian & Mickey's first hookup and Mickey stealing from the store.

Admittedly, my opinion on this one is pretty boring.* I’m a firm believer in the notion that events and dialogue can allude to what will happen for the audience’s sake without necessarily being actively involved with what’s going to happen for the characters, especially if...well, if the audience is looking for those signs. Odds are, if you’re looking for it, you’re going to find it because it’s what you expect to be there. (Ex., plenty of people expect Ian to be unfaithful, so that’s what they look for and expect anytime they see that a man is being added to the cast and read into otherwise benign scenes.) There’s a lot of dramatic irony and foreshadowing in Shameless (and most media), to the point where we can get a whiff that something is about to happen even though it hasn’t yet and the characters remain unaware or aren’t actively moving in that direction.

Ian and Mickey’s roles were definitely gravitating towards each other in the first half of s1, but I really don’t read that Mickey was hanging around or stealing things because he was interested in Ian. Ultimately, I think it amounts to a much simpler series of events:

Mickey was stealing because...Mickey was stealing, which put them in a position where they were really interacting for the first time beyond acknowledgement of neighborhood reputations. Kash was a coward, which made it a safe and convenient location to shoplift from, and that kept Mickey coming back. (Also, it is noteworthy that he was stealing when Ian wasn’t there on different days.)

We’d already seen him baiting Ian when Mickey wanted to hurt him over Mandy, and he baited Lip before too. That same arrogance and comfort in his position as the top dog has been on display in other instances, like with Frank over his bill in s2 and the guy under the bleachers in s3. Those didn’t directly challenge him like Ian did, so the nature was different and more charged here. In stealing from Kash, he discovered that Ian was strong enough to tell him off for it and refused to be bullied, so Mickey made an idle threat that I translated as, “If you’ve got a problem with me, you know where to find me in the house people avoid with the family people fear, but you should be too chickenshit to do anything about it.”

Ian is not, in fact, too chickenshit to do anything about it.

We’ve discovered since then that Ian’s appearance is in line with his “type,” but Mickey was heavily closeted, mired in internalized homophobia, and refused to admit to himself that he was interested in Ian for Ian until s3. I’m sure he did get into other fights without experiencing arousal, but I attribute that more to the fact that being gay and getting into a close physical fight with another guy doesn’t automatically mean he’s going to be aroused by them, not necessarily because it’s a situation where he’s been attracted to Ian for a while. Instead, Mickey discovers in that moment of such close proximity that Ian ticks so many of Mickey’s boxes: appearance, personality, strength, a willingness and ability to go toe-to-toe with him on his own turf, etc. Then they go from zero to sixty.

*Full disclosure: I’m not a shipper. I’m constantly baffled in various fandoms when I see people saying how much sexual tension there is in a mundane interaction or how someone is clearly doing something seemingly meaningless for a romantic reason. So, I’m probably not the best to ask these sorts of things because...I never read into that stuff. I tend to see interactions leading to openings for this sort of thing, not necessarily a more intricate design for things that seem to just happen but have been foreshadowed to an extent.