#like all of my conclusions for every episode are just. and they were insane and freaky about each other. especially sam. especially sam

[stevie-petey]

episode eight: the upside down

You know you shouldn’t, but you laugh. Honestly, after everything you’ve been through tonight with Steve, how can he possibly think the two of you aren’t friends? “Why are you laughing?” Steve mumbles, confused.  “Sorry,” you wheeze out, still uncontrollably laughing. “It’s just–I mean, dude! We almost died together, of course we’re friends now!” “We are?” He looks like a little kid on Christmas day being given the gift he’s always wanted. Your heart warms. “Yes, idiot.”

summary: drinking game time ! take a shot every time jonathan tries ditching you or every time you almost die at the byers house, you find out that steve really is an athlete and tbh it's hot, but you know what's even hotter ? saving hawkins and reaching a tentative compromise with steve after he loans you $5 for snacks. after, jonathan makes a promise you really hope he can keep.

rating: general, cursing and slight scary violence

warnings: violence, use of fire and weapons, guns, use of fem!reader and use of y/n, slight mentions of blood and death

words: 13.7k

before you swing in: the final chapter ,,, my heart </3 please enjoy my child, i put so much into this chapter. action scenes scare me, they're hard and i'm weak, so i hope this lives up to everything you guys wanted n more ;) i cannot believe we're at the end (but i do have another chapter planned that's set in season 1, so shhhh). thank you so so so much for all your support. i never thought this silly lil fic would get that much attention, but i'm insanely flattered and grateful for each and every one of y'all. i'm so proud of what i've created and you guys are my beloveds ,,, anyways, enjoy !!!

-

You almost miss Jonathan and Nancy sneaking off. 

You had been explaining a comic book that had been in your bag to El when you noticed a shift in your periphery. Turning your head, you see Jonathan stand, offer Nancy his hand to help her up, and then walk towards the main doors together. 

What the fuck. 

“They wouldn’t dare…” You excuse yourself and run out the gym and into the hallway to follow them, absolutely furious. You’re so sick of their bullshit, of Jonathan’s bullshit and putting Nancy first. This isn’t even a petty jealousy thing, this is about the years of friendship between the two of you that has just suddenly disappeared within a damn week all due to circumstances completely out of your control. 

The slam of the main door is the only warning Jonathan gets before you’re yanking him by his coat and flinging him back, forcing him to look at you. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

You’ve never, ever yelled at him like this before. Not even earlier this week when he’d given you that bullshit apology after screaming at you for being in his room, for saying the two of you weren’t family. You didn’t yell at him for hiding Nancy’s pictures from you, for going off without you to find the monster. Despite everything, you’ve never been this cruel to him, even if he may have deserved it at times.

Jonathan’s wide eyes stare down at your hand that’s still clutched around his coat, frightened. “Bug, we were just–”

“Just what? Sneaking off without me?”

“It’s not like that, Y/N.” Nancy now steps in, her hands held up as if you’re some rabid dog she wants to calm down. “We just figured we’d help Joyce and Hopper.”

“‘We’? Are you fucking kidding me? You two talked about this, had an entire conversation, and still somehow came to the conclusion that ditching me was a great fucking idea?” You scoff, deeply hurt by the fact that the two of them had an entire conversation without thinking to include you in it. 

“Bug, can we talk about this one on one?” Jonathan asks, his voice lowered. You can see the genuine upset in his eyes and for a moment your grip on him lessens, but then you see Nancy behind him and your anger only returns. 

“No, we can discuss this right here.” 

He sighs and tries to grab the hand not clutching his coat, but you slap it away. “Bug–”

“You’ve lost that privilege.” 

“Bug–I mean, Y/N,” His voice falters. “Look, my mom and Hopper are out there right now trying to find Will while that monster is still out. Nance and I… We want to finish what we started.” 

“Without me?” You don’t mean for it to happen, but your voice catches at the end.

Jonathan’s gaze softens and this time he succeeds in grabbing your hand. You let go of him and allow him to pull you in, weak against him as always. “I’m doing this to protect them, to protect you, Y/N. I’m always trying to protect you. You know that, right?”

You used to think that you did, but now? You’re not so sure, and it terrifies you. 

Nancy has stepped away from the conversation, now kicking at rocks while you’re with Jonathan, and you can’t help but think about how wrong all of this feels. 

Throughout this entire week it’s felt like someone has given you a photo of Jonathan, smeared its lines and edges, removed his moles and his crooked smile and made it neater, altered so that if you squint you can see the boy you grew up with underneath it all… But it’s fuzzy, almost too unclear to really see. 

Now he’s standing in front of you, his smile once more crooked and cunning and his moles faded underneath the moonlight and for a second you can see him. There he is, clear and untouched and him in a way that’s never quite been yours.

“I know,” you tell him. “But how many more times do you expect me to forgive you for lying and ditching me? If you want to protect me, you need to talk to me.”

Jonathan winces. “I know, I know it sounds stupid and I know I’ve fucked up more than enough this week, I just get caught up in wanting to make sure you’re safe. It’d kill me if I let anything happen to you… I just, I can’t lose you, bug.”

“So pushing me away is your grand plan of keeping me?”

“I’ve always been an idiot.” He manages a smile, and you can’t help but laugh. 

“That’s true, but if you attempt to ditch me one more time I swear to god I’ll pour tar all over your car.”

The boy laughs and for a brief moment everything feels okay again, but it doesn’t last very long. “In our defense, we figured you’d be better off with the kids since you’re not really a fighter, ya know?” 

You drop his hand. “Excuse me?” 

Jonathan’s smile is gone. “What?”

“I’m not really a fighter? You’re kidding, right?”

“Hey, no I didn’t mean it like that–” Jonathan fumbles over his words, clearly taken aback by your sudden mood change. 

You step away from him. “How many times did I defend you against Lonnie? Better yet, remind me how we became friends in the first place. Wasn’t it because I threw milk at a bunch of idiots bullying you? Huh?”

“Y/N–”

“God, I can’t believe I almost let you get away with it again! I mean, do you even hear the bullshit that comes out of your mouth?” You deepen your voice, now doing a poor impersonation of him. “‘Hey, bug! You know I love you, right? Cool! Now, I’m gonna go do fuck all and ignore you and ditch you and then somehow turn it into me being a good guy because duh! I can never do any wrong!’”

“Please, just–”

“Did I get it right? It was a pretty good impersonation in my opinion. I mean, I am the one who has had to deal with this shit all fucking week. I think I'm an expert on this topic now.” 

Jonathan looks pained but you don’t fucking care anymore. You’ve reached your limit, you’re sick and tired of being treated like some delicate creature that’s incapable of taking care of itself. You literally slapped Tommy Hagan this afternoon in order to help Jonathan, yet here he is basically calling you weak. 

And yet Nancy is the fighter. She’s the one who gets to go along on the adventure while you’re sidelined because for some damn reason you’re always the second option. Never taking matters into your own hands, always the one left behind to clean up the mess and take care of those also discarded. 

You’re sick of it. 

You step closer to Jonathan again, so that you’re nose to nose, and whisper, “I’m tired of never being good enough.” 

And with that, you reach into his coat and snatch up his keys, a game you’ve always played with him but now has turned into a bitter taste in your mouth, and run back into the gym. Someone has to inform the kids of the plan, make sure they’ll be okay on their own. 

Dustin sees you approach and smiles, but when he notices the angry pace in your steps, he frowns. “Uh oh.”

“Yeah, uh oh.” 

“Jonathan again?”

You nod, still too angry to trust your words. “Yeah.” 

He notices the keys in your hand. “Where are you going?”

Mike and Lucas look over now, curious as to what’s happening. 

You sigh. “I’m going with Nancy and Jonathan to the Byers house, we’re going to kill the monster.” 

“Why the hell are you going?” Dustin exclaims while Mike shoutes “sick!” and Lucas mumbles “great, alone again”. El remains quiet, still resting. 

You flick your brother’s hat. “I have to, Dustin.”

“For Jonathan?” He shakes his head. “I like him, but aren’t you mad at him right now?”

“Is it just me, or is she always mad at him these days?” Mike whispers over to Lucas, who simply shrugs. 

“Girls, man.” 

You ignore them and focus on Dustin. “It doesn’t matter. He needs my help, and no one in the party gets left behind. Remember?”

“Y/N–”

“I love you,” you kiss the top of his head. “I promise I’ll be safe, just be careful, okay? I’m putting you in charge, so don’t let me down. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll see you in a few hours tops!”

Dustin tries to argue some more, but you quickly run back outside before he can get another word in. You feel horrible leaving him behind, but you know this is the right decision. If you can kill the monster, there’s less of a chance of the kids or Joyce and Hopper getting hurt. Jonathan and Nancy may be fine on their own, but there’s always power in numbers and they’ll need all the help they can get. 

You just… you have to help. You know this is what you’re supposed to be doing, even if it pains you to do so. Dustin and the kids are smart; as long as they stay at the school, they’ll be fine. 

In theory, that is.

Nancy and Jonathan are waiting for you outside. You push past them and march towards Jonathan’s care; they awkwardly follow after you. You unlock it, throw yourself into the backseat, and promptly dig through your backpack to make sure you have everything. 

The two teens get in a few minutes after you. Not one word is spoken as Jonathan starts the car and the three of you drive off, leaving Hawkins Middle behind. 

– 

You thought the car ride with Nancy and Jonathan from the funeral home had been tense, but this one? Downright painful. 

Jonathan has a tight grip on the steering wheel and keeps trying to catch your eye through the rearview mirror but you avoid his gaze. You’ve spent the last five minutes arranging and rearranging your backpack to give you something to do while Nancy has tried three times to make conversation to make this car ride bearable. 

“El seems nice.” 

“You said four words to her, Nancy.” You retort, switching open your switchblade once more to watch the moonlight dance off of its blades. 

“Right.” 

Nancy shifts uncomfortably in the passenger seat. You know she realizes she’s once again upset the balance in your relationship with Jonathan. It was only an hour ago that she tried getting you to admit your feelings for him before convincing the boy to up and leave you. Sure, Jonathan made his own decision in the end, but damn. She could’ve at least pretended to want you around. 

She notices your knives and tries to spark conversation again. “I love the color of the handle, it’s beautiful.” 

“Thanks,” you switch the blades closed and sit up in your seat. “Anyways, you geniuses have a plan or were you just counting on ditching me and winging it from there?”

“Y/N–”

“No, Nancy. I insist, let’s talk about a plan. We’re here to kill a monster, right?”

She closes her mouth and frowns, turning to Jonathan for help, but he’s no use. He’s busy tapping his fingers against the wheel and praying that the world will just swallow him up whole. Too bad for him you’re a stubborn pain in the ass and would simply pluck him back up so you can torture him some more. 

Nancy sighs. “Well, Jonathan and I were thinking we use the supplies we got earlier and lure the monster to his place, then we kill it.” 

“Awesome plan, guys!” You say, your voice dripping with sickly sweetness that leaves them both feeling even more uncomfortable. “But may I suggest some actual details or shall we just bank off of this wonderfully dull and vague plan?” 

“Sure, Y/N. Tell us what you had in mind.” Nancy rubs her face tiredly, knowing she deserves this. 

“Great! I’m assuming we’re luring the monster with blood?” They nod at you, so you continue. “Okay, so before we lure it I think we should completely booby-trap Jonathan’s house. Nail the bear trap down onto the floor, make sure the floor is cleared of anything that could trip us up. Then, once we’ve got the house secured, we knick ourselves to draw some blood and pray to whatever god is up there that we can kill the thing.” 

You pause for a moment, remembering how all the Christmas lights had been unscrewed by Joyce earlier. “The lights, we need to fix them. The monster communicates through the lights so if we have them, then we can track it.”

“That all sounds great, bug.” Jonathan finally speaks up, ass kissing. 

“Thanks, pal. Still don’t have the bug privilege back, but I’m sure you simply forgot.” 

He gulps, once more going back to being silent as he drives you and Nancy to his house. 

Nancy again tries to diffuse the tension. “How do we even kill the monster though? I mean, will my bullets be enough?”

“I have this idea, but it’s… well, it’s out there.” You bite your lip, now feeling your cocky demeanor slipping. “If we can safely set fire to it, I think that’s our best bet.”

“Fire?” Jonathan exclaims, but Nancy shushes him. 

“I think you’re right.” 

“Y/N, I know you’re mad at me but do we really have to set fire to my house–”

Now it’s your turn to shush Jonathan. “This isn’t about that. I wouldn’t burn your house down, I already told you I’d just pour tar on your car whenever I get the chance. For now, I really do think the best thing to do is burn the monster alive. In every horror movie and book, fire always gets the job done.” 

Despite herself, Nancy lets out a soft chuckle as Jonathan parks the car, now at his house. “She’s right, Jonathan. And who burns down houses these days? Tar really is the best form of revenge.” 

“I’m flattered, Wheeler. At the rate you’re going, you’ll be off my shitlist in no time.” You tell her, patting her on the shoulder before getting out of the car. You quickly open up the trunk and gather the monster hunting supplies while Jonathan and Nancy take their time getting out. 

You let yourself into the Byers home using your own key to the place. It’s been nestled in between the key to your house and the spare key to Jonathan’s car on your keychain for a few years now. 

The first thing you get started on are the lights. There’s hundreds of them to get through, but you drop your supplies and begin screwing them in one by one. Nancy and Jonathan come in soon after and silently begin to help. 

No conversation is made besides the necessary comments about the prep work. You’re all too focused on the possibility of what could happen next; the danger of the situation has finally set in. After the lights have all been fixed, you instruct Jonathan to begin nailing the bear trap down while you and Nancy discuss where to pour the gasoline. You both agree to make a path from the living room to Will’s room. 

As Nancy pours the gasoline, you follow behind her and pick up any flammables. You weren't lying to Jonathan earlier, you really don’t want to burn his house down. While the house is wrecked, it’s still a home despite everything that’s happened in it. You practically grew up within its walls, you’d do anything to keep it as protected as possible. 

When you’re done, you watch Nancy load her gun. A shiver runs down our spine; she looks at ease with it, which you figure should be reassuring, but the gravity of everything leaves you feeling on edge. You leave her alone and walk into the kitchen where Jonathan is, now hammering a ton of nails into his bat. 

You begin to sharpen your blades next to him, still finding that you only feel secure by his side. The rhythmic sound of his hammering calms you, in a sense. It serves as a distraction. You know you insisted on coming, you don’t regret it and you know you’re stronger than everyone seems to give you credit for, but you’re also terrified. This isn’t just some adventure in the woods; this could kill the ones you love dearly. 

Once you’re both done preparing your weapons, the two of you walk to Will’s room and rig up a simple snare. Jonathan grabs a yo-yo and you pull up a chair to set it on. The idea is that when the string gets pulled, it’ll alert you that the monster has sprung the bear trap. It’s not the most efficient warning system, but it’ll have to do. 

The last thing to do is set the bear trap, which takes all three of you to achieve. Jonathan and Nancy hold down the edges with their body weight and you very carefully set the trap with your hand. You shake a bit as you do so, but you force your nerves down. You remind yourself that Jonathan thinks you’re too weak, too cowardly, you have to prove him wrong. 

When the bear trap clicks into place, you let out a harsh exhale and sink against the wall, your heart still pounding. Jonathan and Nancy copy you and the three of you sit in silence. You’re still shaking a bit, and Jonathan is next to you just as tense, but for the first time since you’ve met him you can’t reach out to grab his hand to steady yourself. He’s too far, both literally and figuratively. Even with him next to you, you couldn’t be more far apart. 

In the back of your mind, you hope the kids are alright. Hopefully they’re having a better night than you currently are. 

“C’mon,” you say after a few minutes, getting up to walk over to the living room. “We’ve done all we can, now we just have to draw some blood and be the prettiest bait in Hawkins.”

– 

Nancy and Jonathan decide to cut the palm of their hands, but you respectfully would rather die than have a matching scar with them. The idea makes you so uncomfortable you visibly cringe when Jonathan tells you the idea. “Yeah, no thanks. I think I’ll find somewhere else to cut.” 

He looks hurt by what you’ve said but doesn’t voice it. Instead, the three of you stand in the living room in a triangle facing each other and he begins reciting the plan. “Remember…”

Nancy goes first. “Straight into Will’s room and–” 

“Don’t step on the trap.” You finish.

Jonathan nods. “And then?”

“Wait for the yo-yo to move.” The girl says. 

“Then…” Jonathan flicks the lighter on.

You whistle low. “Let there be light…” 

“Right. Light.” The boy nods again. “Alright, we ready?”

“Ready.”

“Scar time.” 

Jonathan and Nancy bring their hands up and place their knives flat against their palms. You roll up your sleeve and place your own knife against the upper part of your arm, just below your shoulder, and take a deep breath. 

“On three,” Jonathan says. He begins counting and you all can’t seem to stop shaking. He senses your unease and looks up at you and Nancy. “You guys don’t have to do this.”

Nancy glares at him, her own voice shaky. “Jonathan, stop talking.”

You nod. “Yeah, what she said.”

Jonathan tries to argue, but Nancy squeezes her eyes shut and yells, “Three!”

You close your own eyes and slice at your arm, the pain immediate. You gasp out, never having been good with pain, but you know you have to do this for Will. The blood trails down your arm, dripping from your elbow onto the ground, and you watch as blood from Jonathan’s and Nancy’s own cuts falls onto the ground too. 

Well, at least it’ll be an easy scar to hide compared to theirs. 

“Fuck, that stings.” You say to break the silence, and Nancy nods her head in agreement. 

“Not the most pleasant feeling.” 

Jonathan guides the two of you over to the couch and grabs the first aid kit that you had prepared on the coffee table. He sits in the middle, leaving room for both you and Nancy on each side of him, but you’re still pissed at him and opt to sit on the floor in front of the couch.

Nancy begins to patch up his wound, and it takes everything within you not to reach over and help him yourself. It feels unnatural to watch someone else taking care of him, but the space between you still feels too vast to cross. 

You patch up your own cut while the two of them talk quietly. You wind a bandage tight around your arm, ensuring you won’t bleed through, and Jonathan watches above you with guilt in his eyes. Nancy is trying to reassure him that everything will be okay, but as he watches you struggle to tie the bandage he wonders if he’s fucked up more than just your friendship.

“Bug, let me help with that.” He leans down and ties your bandage before you can stop him. 

You glare at him, still having not said anything to Jonathan besides what was needed for preparation. Nancy distracts herself by cleaning up around his cut and your stomach twists into knots. This is all so miserable. 

“Y/N, I know you’re upset with me and you can go whenever. I won’t blame you, you’ve done enough for me.” Jonathan says, trying to catch your eye. 

You turn away and inspect your bandage, still reeling over the fact that he tied it for you. “I’m here for Will, and only Will.”

“Y/N…” There’s a hurt in his voice that almost makes you turn around to throw your arms around his neck and whisper a million apologies to him. To tell him everything, that you love him and that you’d do anything for him and that’s why you’re so terrified of how you feel. You know you’d burn yourself up if it meant he’d be taken care of, if it meant he was safe and happy and far away from anything that could harm him. You know you’d use up everything within you to love him. 

Instead, you remain silent.

After getting no response from you, Jonathan clears his throat and begins to say something about how the lights will serve as an alarm for the monster, trying to pretend that everything is okay, but he’s cut off by a sudden pounding on the door.

You all jump and your fingers tighten around your switchblade, ready to open it. As your heart pounds you think of all the possible ways the plan could go wrong. When you’re on possibility number twelve, a voice calls through the door. 

“Jonathan?”

“Is that… Steve?” You say out loud, in complete disbelief. 

Steve continues to pound on the door. “Are you there, man? It’s… It’s Steve! Listen, I just wanna talk!”

You’re the first to react, standing up to run over to the door. You fling it open and step outside, making sure Steve won’t be able to see inside the house. When he sees you, he stumbles back a bit. “Henderson?”

His face is still bleeding from earlier and his hair is a mess, and yet there’s a softness to him that you haven’t seen before with him. “Steve, now isn’t really a good time.”

“Can I just talk to Jonathan real quick? I just… I want to apologize about what happened earlier, see if we can maybe–” His eyes land on your bandaged arm. You curse and roll down your sleeve, feeling like an idiot for forgetting to hide the wound before going outside. 

Steve reaches out to touch it, a hint of worry on his face and his voice is now full of concern. “Hey, are you okay?”

You shiver at his touch, it’s gentle as he skims along the bandage and inspects it for any other problems. You pull away, now hiding the wound. “It’s nothing, but you should really go.”

“I want to help you, Y/N. Do you need me to get you anything?” His face is so full of worry for you that it makes you ache. Then a thought occurs to him. “Wait, where’s Byers? Why isn’t he here to help you?”

You’re about to make up a lie, but Nancy flings the door open. “Steve, listen to me.”

He looks between the two of you in complete shock. “Okay, what–”

“You need to leave.” Nancy orders.

Steve looks at you. “I’m not trying to start anything, okay?”

“I know, but–” You get cut off by Nancy.

“I don’t care about that. You need to leave.”

Steve begins to plead with the girl and you step away a bit, not wanting to intrude. You feel bad for him, he looks so beat down by what’s happened today and you suppose that you can’t really blame him. After spending maybe a total of ten hours with Nancy and Jonathan, you also have come close to losing your mind. 

If you were with Jonathan, if you truly had him, you’d react the same as Steve. Begging for the girl he loves to listen to him, to give him another chance with the promise of him changing. 

“I just want to make things right.” Steve says, impressing you with his vulnerability. He’s openly admitting to his mistakes and taking accountability mere hours after the situation has occurred, leaving you both in awe of him and also saddened for him. He loves Nancy more than anything, you can hear it in his voice. 

He deserves better. 

As you’re thinking this, you see his eyes flicker down towards Nancy’s bandaged hand and his brows furrow. “What happened to your hand? Is that blood?” His eyes now flicker over to you again. “Why are you both hurt?”

“We’re clumsy?” You say as Nancy yanks her hand away from Steve.

“It was an accident.” She agrees. 

Steve looks between the two of you, now sensing that something else is wrong. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing!” Nancy insists, but something in Steve’s demeanor shifts. 

“Wait a second, did he do this to you? To Y/N?” His once soft voice is now filled with anger and you step in front of him. 

“Steve, it wasn’t Jonathan. You need to go, I promise I’ll explain everything later–” 

He grabs you by your side and gently moves you so that he can get past and shove through the door. Nancy yells at him to stop and tries to push him out, but she’s useless against his strength. When he manages to break in, he stumbles inside and scans over the house. 

“Shit!” You follow after him, your brain running a million miles a second trying to figure out how to explain everything to him. 

“What the fuck?” Steve mumbles, eyeing the bat with nails in it. “Y/N, what’s going on here?”

He’s looking to you for reassurance and you guess he assumes that the two of you are allies in this Jonathan and Nancy situation. You really wish you could explain, but Jonathan has grabbed him by the shoulders and is trying to push him outside. The two stumble around for a few seconds and you just helplessly watch. 

“Steve, there’s no time to explain, please just listen to Jonathan and get out of here!” You’re helping Jonathan now, trying to get Steve out the door and away from harm’s reach, but he’s still fighting back confused and lost as ever and you pity him. 

You hear a click and turn around, gasping when you see Nancy holding her gun up to Steve. “Woah, what the fuck Nancy?”

“What! What is going on?” Steve yells, now more panicked than anything else. 

While Jonathan has stepped away, you find yourself standing in front of Steve as if to somehow block the bullet. You can’t let him get hurt, he doesn’t have any part of this, he can still have a normal and happy life if he just leaves now. “Nancy, put the fucking gun down, this isn’t helping!”

Steve pleads with her as well and the two of you scream at the girl to just listen and not swing around loaded weapons, but Nancy remains firm in her stance. “You have five seconds to get out of here. I’m doing this for you.”

“Because holding a gun to his head is any better than telling him the truth?” You exclaim, entirely over the situation. 

As the four of you are arguing, the lights begin to flicker. Steve and Nancy don’t seem to notice, but you do. You look at Jonathan and say your first real words to him in hours. “Jonathan…”

He hears you and he runs over to your side, grabbing your hand as the two of you stand shoulder to shoulder. You feel your heartbeat race and you can feel him shaking beside you. He’s terrified, so are you, but his hand around yours manages to steady you. 

“Nancy!” Jonathan tries to get the girl’s attention, but she’s too busy counting down to hear him. 

He shouts at her again and the lights start to flicker more wildly and you draw your switchblade out, adrenaline coursing through you. It’s time. 

Jonathan yells once more and finally catches Nancy’s attention. “The lights!”

She whips her head around and curses, Jonathan, still tightly holding your hand, tugs you along so that you follow him as he secures his weapons and grabs the bat. “It’s here.”

“What’s here?” Steve is flailing around, utterly lost.

You all ignore him and now stand back to back in a triangle. Nancy holds up her gun, Jonathan wields his bat, and you flick your wrist to bring out your knives. “Where is it?”

“I don’t know!” 

The lights flicker rapidly and you feel overwhelmed. They were supposed to serve as a guide towards the monster, but there's no possible way to see which direction it’ll come from and for a fleeting moment you think you’ve made a huge mistake. 

Steve is still screaming, demanding answers, but you’re too busy scanning your surroundings to offer him some information. “Hello? Will someone please explain to me what the hell is going–”

The roof opens up, cutting Steve off, and you scream as the monster attempts to come down right above you. Jonathan shields you from the fallen debris and you cling onto him in utter fear. This isn’t real. This cannot be happening. 

Nancy begins to shoot at the thing while Jonathan guides you to safety. He brings you to the edge of the living room and holds your face in his hands, forcing you to really look at him for the first time all night. “Listen to me, stay here while I get Nancy.”

He kisses your forehead and then leaves, rushing over to Nancy to pull her away and guide her towards Will’s room. Steve stands next to you, frozen, and it forces you back to reality. The plan, you have to stick to the plan. 

You grab Steve’s hand and yank him so that he follows. The monster has dropped down now, a horrible creature on all fours that opens its gaping mouth to let out a horrible screech that you feel deep within your bones. This is what killed Barb. 

The four of you run to Will’s room and you only just barely have enough time to warn Steve about the bear trap. You look over your shoulder and shout, “Jump!” right as your ankle catches on its chains. 

You fall. Hard. 

Pain sears through your ankle and you try to get up, but any pressure on it sends flames through your entire body and you let out another scream. The monster catches up, looming over you, and you brace for your death. There’s no fucking way you’re getting out of this. 

You squeeze your eyes as the monster stalks close to you, its ugly mouth open and ready to kill you. Jonathan is screaming at you to get up, but Nancy is holding him back from helping. You’re relieved by this, knowing that someone has to be there for Will once this is all done. He’ll need his brother, and Nancy seems to understand this. You catch her eye and nod at her, sending a silent thank you. 

“Bug! No, let go of me! I have to help her, Nancy!” Jonathan’s voice becomes hoarse by how loud he screams, his voice breaking with fear and desperation. 

Then, right before the monster lunges at you, you feel a familiar pair of arms slide underneath your legs and pick you up. “What–”

Steve Harrington has swooped in to save you, picking you up as if you weigh nothing, ever the athlete, and swiftly jumps over the bear trap while screaming his head off. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”

You’re so delirious from the pain in your ankle and the adrenaline pumping through your veins that you can’t help but let a laugh escape you. No fucking way is any of this real. Steve Harrington is carrying you bridal style into Will’s bedroom with Jonathan and Nancy as witnesses. 

What a life. 

Once you’re both secured in the room, Steve sets you down gently right as Nancy yells at him to shut up. As soon as Steve lets go of you, Jonathan is at your side and pulls you into a crushing hug. 

“Bug.” He breathes out against your ear, relief heavy. 

“I’m okay.” You tell him, threading your fingers through his hair. He’s shaking harder than ever, and holding onto you as if he’s scared he’ll lose you again. “I’m okay, bee.” 

He pulls away and his hands are all over you, checking everywhere for any other injuries. “Did it hurt you, are you bleeding? There should be a first aid kit–”

You grab his hands and kiss his knuckles, which seems to calm him down a bit. “I’m fine, just twisted my ankle. If you help me up, I’m sure I’ll be able to stand again.” 

Jonathan quickly helps you to your feet and you lean against him for the extra support. While you put on a brave face for Jonathan, you’re terrified out of your fucking mind. You almost died. Jonathan is still holding your hand and he’s looking at you as if seeing you for the first time and you force yourself to look away. It’s the same look from the field days ago, when you thought he’d kiss you. 

You have to focus on what’s at stake.

How the hell are you guys supposed to kill this thing?

The monster screeches, breaking the moment between you and Jonathan, and he flicks his lighter on and forces you to stand behind him. Nancy holds up her gun and you bring your knives closer to your face, Steve standing weaponless behind you. 

You all wait, tense, for the monster. It stalks closer to the room, its awful growls alerting you of its proximity, but it doesn’t appear. 

“What’s it doing?” Nancy asks, frustrated. 

“I don’t know.” You respond, equally as frustrated and scared. 

Another few agonizing seconds pass, and you stare at the yo-yo and hope that it remains still. Then, the lights stop flickering and it becomes quiet. All you can hear is your blood roaring in your ears. 

Nancy looks around. “Do you hear anything?”

“No,” Jonathan shakes his head, inching closer to the door. 

“Wait!” You tug at your still interlocked hands. You pick up his bat that had been thrown on the ground and hand it to him. “Be careful. Please.”

He gives your hand one last squeeze before letting go, accepting the bat.

As Jonathan pokes his head out to see if the monster is outside, Steve bends his head down and whispers in your ear, “Romantic.”

“Shut. Up.” You hit him in the chest, fearfully watching your best friend to make sure he doesn't die. When he motions an all clear, Nancy follows him outside, then you, then Steve. 

The house is silent and your heart sinks when you see that the bear trap has been left untouched. You realize with a horrible gut wrench that the monster is smarter than the three of you had anticipated. 

So much for your plan, then.

“It’s smarter than we thought.” 

“Yeah,” Jonathan agrees with dismay. 

He stalks against the wall towards the living room and you all follow in a single file line. You do your best to stick close to the wall but you limp with every step. Your ankle is definitely out of commission for now. Great. 

All of you are on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It couldn’t have been that easy, there’s no possible way that the monster simply up and left. You enter the living room, which has gotten even more wrecked due the monster. The wallpaper has been torn off of some parts of the wall and you see papers scattered everywhere. 

“Shit…” you mumble, kicking at a shredded wallpaper strip. 

In the corner, Steve has started to hyperventilate and mumble to himself. “This is crazy, this is so crazy, this is fucking crazy.” 

You limp over to him and grab his shoulders, making him face you. “Steve, hey. It’s okay, I’m here.”

“Y/N, what the hell just happened?” 

“It’s… complicated. For now, can you trust me that everything will be okay?” 

“Of course I trust you, it’s just…” He nods, his eyes softening. You lessen your hold on him and give him a smile, he seems to be calming down. Then, he looks around the room and seemingly remembers where he is. “This is crazy!” 

Steve lunges for the phone on the wall and tries to call for help. 

You stumble after him, the pain in your ankle slowing you down. “Steve, wait–”

Nancy gets to him first, grabbing the phone out of his hand and throwing it across the room. He looks at her, shocked. “What are you doing? Are you insane?”

“It’s going to come back!” Nancy yells at him, and you wince at the way she treats him. You know Steve will only listen to her, but she could at least be nicer about the whole situation. The three of you have had some time to process everything happening, Steve was thrown into the deep end. 

“You could be a little nicer,” you mumble, and Nancy sends you a glare. You raise your hands up in surrender. “Sorry.” 

“Steve, you need to leave. Right now.”

He looks so overwhelmed and you give him a pitying look. He stares at you, reminiscent of the way he looked at you earlier in the alley, silently begging you to say something, anything, but again you can only shake your head at him. You won’t force him to stay, it wouldn’t be fair.

“Y/N, please…” He tries one more time to get you on his side, but you can’t. Frustrated by your lack of response, Steve groans. “Fuck it!” 

He runs out the door. 

You’ll admit that you’re a bit disappointed, but you also understand. Who in their right mind would stay? 

You and Nancy share a look before the lights begin to flicker again. Dread fills you. “Fuck…”

Jonathan is back by your side and he and Nancy again form a triangle with you, all your backs pressed together as you desperately try to locate the monster. You all stumble in a circle, searching for any sign of the thing, but there’s nothing. 

“Where is it?” Nancy gasps out.

“Just fucking show yourself!” You shout, just wanting this all to be over with. Your body is drained from living in a state of fear for so long. 

“Come on you son of a bitch!” Jonathan echoes your taunts. 

Suddenly the lights turn off and you’re left alone in complete darkness. Faintly you can hear the monster’s familiar growl approaching from behind you. The hair on the back of your neck stands up, the air stands still. It’s back. Before you can react, it pounces on Jonathan. 

“Jonathan!” You scream alongside Nancy. Desperation takes over you and before you can even process what’s happening, you ignore the pain in your ankle and jump onto its back, stabbing repeatedly at it. 

Your blades only bounce off of its thick skin and the monster struggles to get you off. You hold on as tight as you can, shouting and kicking at it so that it can’t hurt him, but then it opens its mouth and for a horrifying moment you’re afraid that Jonathan will die.

“No!” You scream even louder than before and double down on your effort, stabbing and slashing as much as you possibly can to try and create some damage, but your arms are starting to ache and your ankle now feels like it’s on fire. 

“Nancy, its skin is too thick!” You sob out, nearing complete exhaustion. Then, just as you’re about to collapse from exhaustion, gunshots fill the room. 

Nancy begins to shoot at the monster and with the help of your blades, the two of you manage to pierce its skin, but even then the damage is minimal. It’s not enough, it won’t be enough. Tears stream down your face and the monster only gets closer to Jonathan, so you do the only thing you can think of: you crawl onto the top of its body and stab at its mouth. 

The monster lets out a blood curdling scream and flings you off of its back. You go flying across the room and land against the wall with a groan. All the air has been knocked out of you and your ribs are definitely going to be bruised tomorrow. Every part of you aches, but you manage to lift your head up and blearily process the monster now approaching Nancy as she continues to shoot at it, but it remains unphased. 

You crawl over to Jonathan, who is still laying on the ground. He’s motionless, and you fight everything within you not to break down and sob. You have to keep going, he has to be alive. As you reach Jonathan and frantically check for a pulse, the monster has now cornered Nancy and her gun seems to be out of bullets.

It’s over. You know it is. 

Right as you’ve accepted your fate, a screaming Steve Harrington wielding Jonathan’s bat once again manages to save the day. 

He hits the monster with the bat, effectively saving Nancy and you’re so impressed with his batting skills that you almost find him attractive with how easily he hits and dodges the monster. However, you file those thoughts away for later and finally manage to wake Jonathan up. He startles with a gasp and you check over his chest, scared he may have gotten pierced by the monster’s claws. 

“I’m fine, we need to help.”

You help each other up and you have to lean heavily against him due to your ankle. You bull riding the monster has only made the sprain worse; you’re too afraid to look down and see the damage that’s been done. 

As the two of you hobble over to Nancy, Jonathan looks at you. “Is Harrington really here right now?”

“Yes.”

“Lovely.”

Steve manages to lure the monster closer and closer to the bear trap and you watch him in awe. He’s quick footed and so sure of himself, the complete opposite of the boy from only ten minutes ago who had run out of the house screaming his head off. Now, Steve is swift with his hits and even twirls the bat in his hand to show off. The small act causes you to smile despite the horrible circumstances. 

By the time you and Jonathan are up and recovered, Steve has successfully led the monster straight into the trap. It clamps around the monster’s foot and it screeches, flailing around in the trap. Steve still has his bat held up, now frantically looking over to everyone else. “He’s in the trap! He’s stuck!”

“Jonathan, now!” Nancy screams, motioning over at him to use his lighter. 

Jonathan listens, using his free hand to flick the lighter on and then drops it onto the ground, right into the trail of gasoline. Immediately the monster goes up in flames, letting out horrible noises. You all shield your faces from the flames and Jonathan pulls you closer into him, still having yet to let go of you; you feel yourself sink into his side as you watch the monster wither away.

“Bug, I have to get the fire extinguisher, do you think you can stand on your own?” Jonathan asks you, his voice soft but urgent. 

You quickly nod and brace yourself for his departure. “Yeah, go.” 

He lets go of you as gently as possible before running to grab the extinguisher. When he has it, he orders everyone to get back and then smothers the flames. It takes a couple seconds, but eventually the fire gets put out, leaving behind an awful stench that makes everyone cough and gag. 

“Holy fuck,” you wheeze out, hunched over. “Burnt monster smells horrible.” 

“Yeah, no kidding.” Steve coughs out. 

Nancy covers her face with her jacket. “Where did it go?”

“It has to be dead.” Jonathan pants against the wall, looking like he’s three seconds away from passing out. “It has to be.”

“It fucking better be dead.” You mumble, hobbling closer to see what exactly was left behind. When you get closer and see the giant lump of melted skin all over the bear trap, you gag. “Oh god. Yeah, okay. It’s dead.”

Everyone sighs with relief. 

Then, you notice a Christmas light above you flicker on. Your heart stops, terrified that the monster has somehow survived, but then a second one turns on, then a third, until a path seems to be guiding you towards the living room. 

You all follow, cautious but curious, but these lights don’t feel threatening. There’s an energy to them, a comforting one that leaves you breathless. When you get to the living room, tears form in your eyes, now understanding what this all is. You look at Jonathan, who also seems to be thinking what you are. 

It’s Joyce, you know it is. 

“Mom,” he breathes out. 

You limp over to him and grab his hand. He turns to you, his eyes shining with an appreciation that he only ever has for you. He seems to be drinking you in, as if now realizing just how close the two of you came to dying tonight. You’re doing the same, thankful that he’s alive and standing next to you despite everything. There’s so much the two of you want to say, but as always the words aren’t needed. You understand each other perfectly, the balance between you centered once more. 

You put your head on Jonathan’s shoulder and he brings his hand to your hair to softly stroke it. The two of you stand like that for a second, breathing each other in and enjoying the tenderness after such a miserable day, before you slowly break apart and follow the lights going outside. 

The porch light flickers and Nancy stands next to you, watching it with uncertainty. “Where’s it going?”

“I don’t think it’s the monster.” Jonathan tells her. 

“It’s Will.” You don’t know how you know this, or what makes you feel so certain that you’re right, but somehow you know that you are. Somewhere deep within you, you feel the faint outline of hope flicker. 

A new silence surrounds the four of you at your words, and for once there’s hope between you all. Then, after a minute or so of silence, everyone begins to head back inside. Steve first, then Nancy, and finally Jonathan, leaving you alone with the crisp early winter air.

You take a deep breath, the cold air serving as a reminder that you’re alive. You let it fill your lungs until you can’t breathe in anymore, then you release the air through an exhale and feel your body settle into its exhaustion. This is the first time you’ve had a moment to yourself, so you let the exhaustion weigh upon you like a warm blanket. 

Will is safe, you can feel it. Despite everything, he’s safe and alive. Jonathan is too, still your best friend regardless of all the unspoken words between the two of you. Dustin is at the school with the kids, away from danger. Everything is okay, it’ll be okay. 

You let the moment wash over you, incredibly grateful to be lucky enough to have survived it all. Everyone you love and hold close to you is safe. You didn’t fuck up this time. God, you did it. 

Jonathan comes running out after a while, his face alight with joy and he crashes into you and picks you up to twirl you around. You laugh, loud and freely, and bury your face in his hair as he continues. “Bee, stop! Put me down, you dummy!” 

He does as he’s told, but doesn’t let go of you once your feet are on the ground. “My mom just called, they saved Will. He–he’s in the hospital, he’s okay.” 

You squeal and throw your arms around Jonathan again, squeezing him so hard that you’re afraid you'll hurt him, but he simply laughs and squeezes you just as tight. Tears come again, but this time they’re happy ones, and if it weren’t for your ankle you’d be jumping up and down right now. 

Jonathan’s laughter dies down and he cups your chin around his fingers so that you look up at him. “You did it.” 

“We did it, bug.” You softly push against him. You can’t take all the credit. 

His eyes are shining again, you haven’t seen him this happy in so long, you get lost in it. His face is lit up and his smile is back and you’re so in love with him that it claws against your throat and threatens to spill out in excess.

A beat of silence passes and Jonathan just soaks your presence in. You can’t quite read his face, but for once this doesn’t frighten you. You enjoy it, you relish in the fact that he’s still yours yet now forming into someone new and lovely and wonderful. 

“You never gave up.” He whispers at last, adoration in his voice. 

“Never.” 

“You never left me.” 

“Never.” You breathe out, the word so simple with such heavy weight behind it. 

The moment is so raw, so tender, and Jonathan is giving you that look again, the one that leaves you feeling like the sun itself has settled upon you and kissed your cheek. His eyes flick down to your lips and you smile, taunting him to lean in. He seems to understand, giving you his own teasing smile before leaning in. You lean in as well, every part of you buzzing, and right before your lips touch his, Steve bursts through the door.

“Jonathan, dude, do you have like, any food in the house?” He asks, completely oblivious to what he’s just interrupted. 

You and Jonathan break apart, laughing the tension away. He ducks his head down, clears his throat, and turns to Steve. “Sorry, man. Been a little busy this week for grocery shopping.”

Steve’s eyes bulge out of his head. “Oh shit, right. Sorry, okay. Uh… Well, I’ll be inside, I guess.” 

“We’ll be in shortly.” You tell Steve. You want to be frustrated by his timing, but something tells you that you’ll have all the time in the world to tell Jonathan how you feel. Now just isn’t the time. 

– 

The moment you arrive at the hospital, Jonathan sprints out of the car and straight towards the front desk to find out where Will is. You and Nancy follow behind, figuring you won’t be able to see Will for a while since you’re not blood related, so the two of you wish Jonathan goodbye and head towards the waiting room. 

Steve lags behind, obviously unsure where to go. Nancy immediately walks inside, but you notice his hesitation and nudge his shoulder. “I’m sure that the cut on your eyebrow needs to be looked out. Let’s go sit, okay?”

He sighs deeply. “Yeah, sure. Totally. Let’s go sit in a room full of people who probably hate me. No biggie.”

“Either come or don’t.” You shrug. “But the way I see it, you can start mending some metaphorical wounds while you wait in there.”

You don’t wait for Steve to figure out what to do, you know that Dustin is somewhere inside the waiting room and you’re buzzing to see him and the rest of the kids. You hobble inside, still very much in pain due to your injuries, but the moment you see your brother it all fades away. 

He runs into your arms and almost knocks you down with the force. Dustin clings onto you, mumbling over and over again how sorry he is. 

“Hey, wait a second,” you pull him away and crouch down, groaning a bit at the pain. “What are you sorry about? What happened?”

You look around the room and see everyone there. Nancy, Hopper, the kids, Steve, even Nancy’s parents, but there’s someone missing…

“El,” you breathe out. 

Dustin’s lip trembles and he begins to cry. You soothe him, grabbing his hand to bring him over to the seats and sit between him and Mike. Lucas is to the left of Dustin and you can’t help but notice how all the boys have dried tears in their eyes. 

When they’re ready, you have the kids explain what happened, and the more they tell you, the more guilty you feel. You should’ve been there for them, you left them all alone with that monster. You got Will back, and yet you’ve lost El as a result. It seems that no matter what you do, it’ll never quite be enough in the end. 

“It’s not your fault.” You tell Dustin, who still keeps apologizing. It was you who had left him in charge, you’re why El ended up vanquished by the monster. “You did everything you could. I shouldn’t have left you guys all alone, but I’m proud that you all took care of one another, okay?”

He sniffs and nods his head, but you know he doesn’t believe you. All the boys are somber; you know it’ll take time for them to recover. So, you do what you do best, you console them. You hold their hands and rub their backs and offer your spare comics in your bag. You do whatever you can to comfort them, to reassure them that they’re safe now and that no one will hurt them, but the light in their eyes has dimmed. 

They’ll never be the same again. 

And El… she had been so young, you don’t think you’ll ever not feel the heavy weight of guilt whenever you think of her. She had been so sweet and had trusted you. 

You should’ve been there, you wish you could’ve saved her.

Steve watches from his seat across from you. He listens in as you comfort the boys, taking care of them in such a natural way. He admires this softer side of you, one he hasn’t quite seen before. Sure, you’ve always been gentle and sincere, but watching you with the kids is something special in itself. You manage to get them to laugh, you offer them your shoulder to cry or sleep on, and you read aloud to them stories from your comics and Steve finds himself drawn towards your interactions with the kids. 

It’s sweet, something delicate and lovely, and Steve admires everything that you are. When he sees you awkwardly stand up and stumble over to the vending machines in the hall, Steve finds himself following after you. 

-

“Bitch!” You slam the palm of your hand against the vending machine in vain. The bag of chips hangs by the little spiral, taunting you. 

“That’s not a very nice word, Henderson.” 

You turn and see Steve, leaning against the wall with a fond expression. “You stalking me?”

“Nah, just wanted to watch you fight against a vending machine.”

“Ha,” you snort, turning back to the machine. “Unless you can help me get this last chip bag, you’re free to go sit back down.”

You mean it to be a joke, not expecting Steve to actually listen, but he’s at your side within a second. “Step back, let Steve handle her.” 

“What–”

Steve motions for you to move, so you reluctantly do as you’re told. Once you’re out of the way, Steve claps his hands, stretches out his neck, and then begins to aggressively shake the vending machine. 

“That is so not what you’re supposed to do–”

Suddenly the bag drops down from the hook and into the retrieval slot. Steve reaches inside, grabs the bag, and then dangles it in the air. “Tada!” 

You laugh and grab the bag from him. “Okay, I’ll admit, that was impressive.” 

“What can I say? I’m charming like that.” 

“Sure,” you smile at him, neither of you have moved yet. He’s still standing in front of you with that cocky smile on his face that’s slowly started to warm on you. You truly do understand why so many girls have fallen for him. If you ever saw Steve on the street, a stranger passing by, you’d fall a little bit in love with him yourself.

The thought startles you. “Well, uh…”

“Yes?” Steve raises his eyebrows at you, smiling. 

“Thank you for the chips. The kids haven’t eaten anything in hours, so…” You wave the three bags in your arms. “Gotta keep 'em fed.”

“Wait a second, there’s only three bags there. Aren’t you going to eat anything?”

“I only had enough money for the boy’s chips.” You say, feeling suddenly sheepish. “It’s fine, though. I’ll just eat a few pieces from them and wait until we get home.”

Steve scoffs. “Yeah, no.”

You frown at him, confused as he rustles through his jean pocket and pulls out his wallet. “I don’t want your money–”

He doesn’t listen and simply puts the cash into the vending machine and punches in a few numbers. Slowly, one by one, multiple different bags of sweets and chips come falling down within the machine. Once the last one has dropped, Steve bends down and offers the huge stash to you. 

“A feast, on me.” He winks at you and you can’t help but blush. 

“T–thanks, I guess.” You now carefully balance the rest of the snacks in your arms, the mound almost blocking your view. You’re not sure how much Steve just paid, but with all these snacks you and the kids will surely be well fed. 

Steve shrugs, and if you weren’t so tired you’d think the blush on his face was a real one. “It’s the least I can do, all things considered.”

His words give you pause. You know he’s referencing earlier today, back in the alley where fists slammed against skin and he had dragged you away from your best friend, but the memory feels like years ago. So much has happened since then, Steve has saved your life since then. 

“Steve…” Your ankle is starting to sting again from standing for so long, so you adjust your footing and try to figure out what you want to say. “I never got to thank you back at Jonathan’s.”

“Thank me?” His face scrunches in confusion in a sickeningly cute way that it almost distracts you.

“Yes. You saved my life tonight, Steve. I won’t ever forget that.” 

“Oh…There’s no need to thank me. I mean, what are friends for?” Steve freezes and clears his throat. “I mean, shit. We aren’t friends, you keep saying that. Sorry. You know what I mean.”

You know you shouldn’t, but you laugh. Honestly, after everything you’ve been through tonight with Steve, how can he possibly think the two of you aren’t friends?

“Why are you laughing?” Steve mumbles, confused. 

“Sorry,” you wheeze out, still uncontrollably laughing. “It’s just–I mean, dude! We almost died together, of course we’re friends now!”

“We are?” He looks like a little kid on Christmas day being given the gift he’s always wanted.

Your heart warms. “Yes, idiot.”

Steve starts moving around in what you can only guess is a happy dance. “Sweet! Does this mean I get a cool nickname, too?”

“A nickname?” A bag of chips threatens to fall from your arms, but Steve catches it before it can land on the ground and takes a few more snacks off of your hands. 

He readjusts the snacks he now has so that he can carry them easier. “Yeah, I mean. Byers has one, why can’t I?”

You don’t think you’ll ever stop feeling so thrown every time Steve mentions a small detail about you that he’s somehow come to notice. He has a habit of doing that, surprising you by how much he seems to pay attention to you. You thought that no one ever had before, but Steve continues to prove you wrong. 

“I’ll tell ya what,” you begin to walk back towards the waiting room, careful to step carefully to not drop anything or upset your ankle. “Let’s see how this ‘friends’ thing works out, then I’ll decide what nickname fits you best. Deal?”

Steve thinks for a moment and follows. “Hmm. I don’t know, I think I’ll need some type of precaution to make sure you give me a nickname in the end. I want one, Y/N. I’m so serious right now.”

You laugh at his pleading tone. “I can add you to my baking list. Whatever I bake, you’ll get a piece of it. Is that better?”

“God, yes!” Steve punches the air and cheers. 

You’re smiling so much that your face aches. You haven’t felt this light and carefree in so long, you’d almost forgotten what it’s like. The two of you don’t say anything else as you walk back to the waiting room, though Steve seems to slow down so that you don’t hurt your ankle keeping up, though you still let out a few winces and groans.

When you’ve arrived back at your seat, Steve sets down the snacks and runs off without another word. You’re confused by his sudden departure but don’t think much of it. Instead, you wake the boys up and show them your array of snacks, which wakes them up immediately. 

You’re mediating a fight between Mike and Lucas over who gets the bag of Chips Ahoy when a nurse interrupts. “Excuse me, ma’am. This young man over here told me I should come over and check out your ankle?”

The woman smiles and you look past her and see Steve sheepishly waving from his seat across from you. You’re stunned. Had he really gone out of his way to ensure your ankle gets treated?

You shake the thoughts out of your head and inform the woman all she needs to know. You tell her how you’d fallen and what type of pain you feel when you stand up. She inspects the ankle, her fingers cold but kind, and within a few minutes has diagnosed you with a sprained ankle. 

“All you can really do is stay off of it for a few weeks while it heals. I can go and get you some crutches, if you’d like?” She asks, rolling her gloves off and tucking them back into her pocket.

You nod. “If you wouldn’t mind, that’d be great.”

The nurse leaves with the promise of being back soon. In the meantime she instructs you to keep your ankle elevated, so you prop it against the coffee table and wait. You’re annoyed that you even have to have crutches, but then you think of Barb, of El. You’re luckier than you should be. 

– 

After an hour or so, Jonathan opens the door to the waiting room. He spots you and Mike talking softly with each other and whistles over to catch your attention. When Mike looks up, Jonathan nods at him and the boy scrambles out of his seat. 

“Guys! Guys! He’s up, Will is up!” Mike shakes awake Lucas and Dustin, who had been cuddling on the seats fast asleep. “Will’s up!”

Once they’re awake, they quickly follow after Mike and the three boys are gone in an instant, sprinting down the hall towards Will’s room. Clearly they’re eager to see their friend. 

You do your best to get up as fast as possible, but your new crutches serve more as a nuisance rather than an aid. As you struggle to get up, somehow knocking over the mountain of snacks, Steve rushes over. 

He grabs the crutches and offers you his hand. “Here, careful.”

“Thanks,” you awkwardly accept his hand and get up. Jonathan watches from the doorway, a curious look on his face. Nancy does the same from her seat, not saying a word as she watches Steve gently help you navigate the waiting room with your injury. 

Jonathan holds the door open for you and takes over once you’re out the door. He grabs the crutches from Steve and is now the one to hold your hand, balancing you. “I can take it from here, Harrington.”

“Right, yeah.” Steve scratches the back of his head and coughs. “I’ll just… yeah.” 

He heads back inside and you and Jonathan watch as he leaves. As soon as he’s out of earshot, Jonathan turns to you. “Are you two friends now or something?”

“We almost died tonight, bee. I think it’s safe to call Steve a friend now.”

Jonathan bites his lip, though there’s a far off look in his eye that leaves you feeling like you’ve missed something in the conversation. “Guess that’s true. Anyways, let’s get you to Will.”

By the time you make it to the room, the boys have swarmed around Will and are telling him everything he’s missed this week. He’s listening eagerly as they’re telling him about El, but when he sees you enter the room, his eyes light up and he tries to sit up. 

“Y/N!” Will calls out, pure excitement in his voice. 

You practically fall over in your haste to get to him. The second you’re close enough, you collapse onto his bed and give him the tightest hug you possibly can without hurting him. He feels so small against you, smaller than he’s ever felt before, and his sunken eyes and pale skin make you want to cry. 

But he’s alive and here and in your arms once again, happy and wonderful and safe. 

“Little bee,” you try not to cry, but tears are thick in your voice. “I missed you.”

Will manages a weak smile and shrugs, trying to play off the gravity of the situation. “Took a little detour home.” 

You laugh and ruffle his hair. “At least you came home, that’s all that matters.”

“Ahem,” Mike obnoxiously clears his throat, effectively ending your moment with Will. “You’re hogging Will, move over.” 

You laugh again and move away, allowing the boys to resume their millions of updates. You maneuver your crutches and walk over to Jonathan, who is standing by the door. He’s looking at the boys and Will with a soft smile on his face and you join him, standing side by side as you watch your boys finally come together again. 

Then, you feel a pair of eyes on you and you turn around. Nancy is leaning against the doorway behind you; she looks frail and distraught. There’s a sadness in her eyes as she watches the kids. You know that watching the boys reunite with their friend must remind her of Barb. She never got her happy reunion. 

You feel awful for the girl, so when her bittersweet smile drops and she turns to leave the room, you nudge Jonathan to make him aware of the situation. He sees her fleeing and begins to follow after her, but he stops. 

“What are you waiting for? Go.” You tell him, knowing it’s for the best. 

He shifts his weight, uncertain. “Are you sure?”

You’re not sure how to decipher the hidden meanings underneath those three words, but you find that you’re exhausted trying to keep reading between the lines. The feelings you’ve kept buried bubble to the surface, but you remind yourself that he loves Nancy, despite your weird moments of almost with him. There’s something there between you and Jonathan, you both can feel it, but it feels too raw and fragile to bring into the light. 

Without having to ask, you know that Jonathan will choose her. 

It breaks your heart, but you look over at Dustin and Will, who are laughing about some joke while Joyce gazes at them fondly, and you know that you can’t lose this. Maybe Jonathan knows this, too. The small family you’ve built together, it’s too precious to ruin. 

Joyce and your boys, you can’t lose them. They’re yours, and Jonathan is yours in a way that you can’t quite keep to yourself forever, but for now it’s enough. You approach Joyce, grab her hand and give her a tired smile, and the smile she returns to you reminds you that this is more than enough for you. 

You turn to Jonathan, pushing down your feelings once more in favor of appreciating the fact that Will is looking at you again, alive. “Go, bee.” 

Jonathan gives you one last look. You study his face for a moment, watching as it shifts from confusion, to hurt, then finally into acceptance. You’ll never be sure of what exactly he’d been thinking in that moment, but it seemed to have been enough for him, too.

He smiles, lets out a deep breath, and then leaves.

The door closes softly behind him. 

– 

A month later you find yourself in the passenger seat of Jonathan's car, tired from your shift at Bookstrordinary but excited to pick up your brothers. Somehow, even after missing three consecutive shifts last month, Mrs. Waters refused to fire you. 

But Jonathan? He hadn’t been so lucky. His boss fired him from the Hawk, but he hadn’t been too upset. He still drives you to and from work, so you suppose things could be worse. 

It’s late, but the two of you take your time driving to the Wheeler’s. Nothing much has changed between you two following Will’s reappearance. Sure, maybe you’re at his house more just to make sure Will is adapting well, but besides that everything seemed to go back to normal. 

Well, almost normal. 

Steve appeared at your job a few days after your conversation in the hospital. He had surprised you when you walked in, and when you asked what he was doing in a bookstore, Steve simply shrugged and said, “You can’t figure out my nickname if we don’t hang out, right? So, I’m here.”

He had become a regular at the store, stopping by whenever he could, and slowly the two of you became good friends. You’ve come to enjoy Steve’s presence, something that you never thought would ever happen. But he keeps you company as you work, he wanders around and explores the comics and books you recommend to him, and it’s nice having someone to goof off with. 

Plus, you did promise to add him to your baking list, so he’s also become your taste tester who happily eats any creation you bring in for him.

As for Nancy…

That was more of a sore subject for Jonathan. 

There was a few weeks following Will’s reappearance that you thought Jonathan and Nancy would get together, but it never happened. You’re not quite sure why, maybe it had something to do with Jonathan’s hesitation of approaching her, but it had crushed him when you and he saw Nancy and Steve making out in the hall as if nothing bad had ever happened. 

The way Jonathan’s face crumbled when he saw the couple only solidified that he’d never be yours, but you comforted him anyways. You told him he deserved better and then dragged him away. It’d taken him a few days, but eventually Jonathan was able to fake a smile again. 

You haven’t spoken about it since that day, but you leave your window open most nights for him to crawl in. The nightmares from that night fighting the monster plague you both, and the loneliness feels a little heavier than usual, but at least you have each other. 

“Jonathan! Y/N! Come in, the boys are downstairs.” Mrs. Wheeler answers the door, letting the two of you in. “And Y/N, I love that sweater on you.”

You thank the woman. “It was a gift from my mom. She claims I need to up my wardrobe, whatever that means.”

“Well, I think she has lovely taste.” 

“I’ll let you know you think so!” You open the basement door and motion for Jonathan to go down first. 

When he reaches the bottom of the steps, Jonathan makes a face. “Woah, what’s that smell? Have you guys been playing games all day, or just farting?”

“My vote is farting.” You say, hopping down the last step. Your ankle has mostly healed by now, but sometimes if you land on it wrong it makes a weird clicking noise followed by some pain, but you choose to pretend that it’s normal. 

The boys laugh and Lucas points at your brother. “Oh, that’s just Dustin. He farted.”

He begins making fart noises with his mouth and you and Dustin share a look. “Very mature, Lucas.”

The boy continues to sing and make fart noises and you can’t believe that this is your life. You’re standing in a smelly basement while picking up your stubborn brother all while simultaneously enjoying the fact that you get to call this your life. 

Jonathan calls over to Will to grab his things, so you follow suit and gently berate Lucas. “Alright, that’s enough. I gotta get Dustin home.”

“What, I thought I got to stay–”

“Jonathan is our ride and I made cookies, so let’s go.”

The moment the word “cookies” leaves your mouth, Dustin hops up and collects his things without any further argument. 

Once he’s ready, he and Lucas play wrestle as they say goodbye. While they’re distracted, you walk over to Mike and discreetly hand him a container full of double fudge brownies. You’d specifically made them for him, knowing they were his favorite, because you noticed how hard it’s been for him to adjust to El being gone. He really cared about her, anyone could see that. 

Mike’s eyes widen and he throws his arms around you. “Thanks, Y/N.”

You pat his back. “Anytime, Wheeler.”

Dustin breaks away from Lucas and runs up the stairs, so you take that as your cue to leave. 

Upstairs, Jonathan and Will are talking to Mrs. Wheeler. When they see you enter, the woman turns to you and asks if you’ll be bringing over your usual round of holiday treats. “Of course, I’ll get started on them tomorrow. You guys still like the sugarbread cookies?”

“If you make them, I think I’ll die of happiness.” Mrs. Wheeler informs you, and you laugh and tell her that you’ll have them ready as soon as possible. 

You bid her goodbye, Dustin now by your side, and you follow Jonathan and Will to the front door. Right before you open the door, Nancy calls Jonathan’s name from the top of the stairs. 

“Hey, Jonathan, wait up!” 

You, Dustin, and Will stand awkwardly in the back while Nancy hands Jonathan a wrapped gift and wishes him a merry Christmas. They share an awkward exchange since Jonathan hadn’t gotten her anything, but Nancy assures him that it’s fine. The interaction is painful to watch as Nancy doesn’t spare you a single glance. Dustin and Will look at you uncertainly when she kisses Jonathan’s cheek, but you ignore them and pretend to be interested in a Christmas decoration on the table.

This will never get any easier. 

“You ready?” Jonathan turns back to you guys, a blush on his face, and all you can do is silently nod. 

In the car you sit in the back with Dustin, who squeezes your arm in reassurance. He’s come to understand your complex feelings for Jonathan and has pieced together Nancy’s involvement. While he’s never outright consoled you, he’s shown his support in other small and wonderful ways. 

“Thanks,” you whisper, and Dustin smiles. 

“We all buckled up?” Jonathan asks as he starts up the car. 

“Yes, captain.” You mock salute. 

Will giggles at you before he sees the gift and looks up at Jonathan. “Can I open it?”

“Yeah, sure.” 

You and Dustin lean forward so you can see what’s in the box. When Will unwraps a beautiful, and no doubt expensive, camera, you gasp. The bitterness and hurt from moments ago vanishes. This gift is from Steve, you know it is, and something warm settles deep within your bones. 

You think about last month, how you’d told him not everyone can just afford a camera. 

Seems like Steve listened. 

Maybe he isn’t so bad after all. 

– 

A week later you knock on the Byers’ door, a giant container of your annual holiday cookies in your arms. 

“Bug!” Jonathan answers the door with an excited smile on his face. His new camera is in his hands and before you can even process what’s happening, he’s already taken a photo of you with your crooked earmuffs and oversized box of cookies.

He’s been using the camera ever since he got it. There’s now multiple pictures of you, always unaware or caught off guard, now hanging in the kitchen. It makes you blush to think about. 

“You didn’t even give me a chance to smile.” You complain, shoving your way inside. It’s snowing and you’re freezing. 

Joyce grabs the container to help you as soon as she sees you. “Here, honey. I’ve got it.”

You thank her and walk over to Will, who is drawing at the kitchen table. “Hey little bee. Whatcha drawing?”

“Hi, Y/N.” He slides over his picture and you’re shown a quick sketch of you and the party, this time fighting what appears to be a misshapen dog. “It’s a Dire Wolf, we’re fighting it in our latest campaign.”

“Ah, I see. Looks fluffy, though. Can’t possibly be a dangerous creature.”

Will rolls his eyes at you. “This is why you don’t play with us.”

“Careful, you’re sassing the girl who has just bravely ridden her bike through the snow to deliver her famous Christmas cookies.”

Will is out of his seat in an instant, running over to his mom, who has just placed the container on the counter. “Did you make the oatmeal raisin cookies?”

“Duh,” you snort. 

“And the chocolate chip?”

“I sure did.” You stand next to him and point at a new cookie you’re trying out this year. “This batch is a caramel banana one. Steve seemed to like it and I think it’s pretty good, so I hope you do too.”

Jonathan swoops over and kisses your head. “Of course we’ll like it, bug.”

“He’s right, you know. We always love whatever you make us, honey.” Joyce informs you, her mouth now full of cookies. 

“I’d hope so, this is like my fifth year making these for you guys. It’d be awkward if you hated my baking.” You say, now securing your earmuffs back on your head. “Anyways, I should get going. It’s Christmas, my mom won’t want me out too long.” 

Joyce looks out the window and frowns. “Did you really bike here in this weather?”

“It wasn’t too bad, I’ll be fine–”

“No. Jonathan, grab your keys and drive Y/N home.” She stares you down, daring you to argue with her, but you don’t. You know better than to argue with Joyce Byers. 

Once Jonathan has his keys, you say goodbye to everyone and wish them a merry Christmas. Jonathan throws your bike in his trunk and soon you’re off on the road. The drive is quiet but cozy. The snowflakes fall in a pretty spiral and there’s a soft song playing on the radio. 

Sometimes, if you close your eyes, you can pretend that the events from last month never happened. Will never disappeared. You never discovered that you love Jonathan. Nancy Wheeler never became friends with Jonathan, possibly something more had there been more time. When you close your eyes and sit still, you can imagine that your brother never has nightmares that wake him up screaming. That your heart doesn’t hurt when you make your best friend laugh. 

For a moment, you can forget. 

“Can we always stay like this?” You ask Jonathan softly, almost as if you’ll disturb the peace that winter has brought with its quiet snow. 

“Like what?”

You’re not sure how to express what you’re feeling. “This, us. Together.”

“Of course we’ll always stay like this.” He grabs your hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it. He says this like it’s a fact, the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Pinky promise me.” You hold your pinky up. You know it’s silly, but you need him to hear you, to understand what you’re saying.

Jonathan looks over at you. “Y/N–”

“Please, promise me, bee.”

He’s silent for a moment, seeming to understand the weight of everything between, around, and within the two of you. Then, he extends his pinky finger and wraps it around yours. “I promise, bug.” 

And you believe him.

[END OF SEASON 1]

-

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[angelic-sturniolos111]

The Right Words 🧸

Chris begins to question his opinions on commitment and relationships after being close friends with you for months. Chris’s feelings for you have grown stronger, but he can’t quite articulate his affection for you. Instead of using his words he makes a romantic gesture to show you how he feels.

chris sturniolo x fem! reader

warnings: none, just chris being super shy and fluffy

author’s note: kinda inspired by stuff he’s said ab relationships and how “too much love” kinda scares/intimidates him

not proofread lmao

Chris’s POV:

Matt had invited Y/N to come hang at our house while we record our podcast episode for the week. It wasn’t unusual for Y/N to always be around, she was our friend, but I hadn’t opened up to my brothers about how I truly feel about her.

She moved to LA a few months back and we all met her at some influencer party, and she hit it off with us immediately. First, it started with the four of us going out to record content, going bowling, thrifting, things like that. Eventually, we all grew closer with her and she started hanging out at our house a lot more, and often sleeping over. The first time she had slept over was after Nick and Matt had already gone to bed, and since she didn’t want to wake them she slept in my room with me. After that night I guess my room became the unofficial-Y/N-sleepover room because she has always spelt in my room every time since.

I immediately found Y/N attractive when we met— she’s a very pretty girl. I’ve always had closer girl friends in my circle, and even if I think any of them are pretty, my feelings never go beyond that— it’s always platonic. I know part of that is because they just weren’t the right girl for me, but another part of me knows it’s because I don’t let myself sit in those feelings. I’m scared of commitment, relationships, things of that sort. Sure I’ve hooked up with a few girls in my day, but I’ve never had any serious romantic feelings for anyone.

Until Y/N.

That first night she slept in my room we stayed up for hours talking about everything from our favorite hockey teams to deeper emotional stuff. That became our routine when she would sleepover… always the last ones awake, and always having long in-depth conversations with one another. What started off as friendly, platonic feelings for her quickly changed after many nights spent late night talking.

As much as I loved our late night talks I honestly wanted more. I wanted early morning talks, afternoon talks, and to just be with her every second of every day. I wanted to hold her, spoil her, kiss her, and call her mine. I thought I would never feel this way about anyone before, but she makes me feel things I’ve never felt— she’s everything to me.

I recently came to the conclusion that keeping these feelings buried was starting to drive me insane, and I had to open up to someone about it.

Matt and I were currently getting in his car on the way to pick up Y/N. Before Matt put the car in drive, I spoke up;

“Hey, can I talk to you about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately? I just really need someone to talk to about it.” I say sheepishly. Matt’s eyes leave his phone to meet mine, and he instantly put his phone down giving me his full attention.

“Yeah bro of course. You can tell me anything. What’s up?” He says concerned because usually this is the other way around. Matt opening up to me about his issues. It was rare that I ever had anything on my end to discuss.

“Well it’s just,” I pause, hesitating if I should even continue. Matt puts a hand on my shoulder comforting me enough to move on.

“I have serious, and I mean serious feelings for Y/N.”

I’m not sure what I was expecting in response, but it wasn’t this…

He started laughing. LAUGHING. In my fucking face.

“Okay why are you laughing? Is something funny about any of this?” I say now a little pissed off that he wasn’t taking this seriously.

“Oh man, no no I’m sorry I’m not trying to be rude. It’s just… SO obvious.” He says and continues to laugh.

“WHAT?! IS IT REALLY?” I yell. Oh god, I hope Y/N doesn’t know and I’m not making a complete ass out of myself.

“Yes! Nick and I talk about it all the time. You may not realize it but you NEVER stop talking about her. “Y/N said this funny thing last night,” “Y/N really likes this movie,” “You know one time Y/N” Y/N Y/N Y/N. I swear every god damn sentence you utter her name leaves your mouth.” Matt mocks, but before I can interject he continues;

“Jesus not to mention the way you stare her down whenever she’s in the room. Nick and I are always laughing about it— like when he’s editing our videos and we can see that you looking at her constantly whenever she steps behind the camera? Or when we went to the beach that one time!? You saw Y/N in a bikini for the first time, and we saw you grab the towel to cover your lap because—”

“Okay OKAY! Alright, I get it! I’m not as good as hiding my feelings for her as I thought…” I cut him off before he can continue to blabber about it any more. Matt comes down from his laughing fit.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean. My point is is that we’ve never seen you like this with anyone before, and it’s really sweet.” Matt rests his hand on my arm reassuringly. “Well, we told her we were on our way to pick her up. If you want to I can text Nick and we can come up with some sort of excuse to leave so you guys can have some alone time together and maybe you’ll be able to talk with her about it?” He suggests.

“Yeah… it’s the talking that I’m scared of.” I look down and play with my hands in my lap. “That’s the problem. Like you said, I’ve never been like this with anyone before, and I don’t know how to put my feelings into words. If you haven’t noticed I’m not necessarily the most romantic person ever.” I say with a sigh.

Matt looks around the car seeing if anything might give him an idea. He sees the gummy worms in the center console from the last time we filmed a car video and picks them up to show me.

“Okay, candy? What about candy?” He says as if he just made some sort of scientific breakthrough.

“Kid, what the fuck are you talking about? Candy?” I laugh, completely confused.

“Yeah! We can swing by the store and you can get her her favorite candies and snacks, and you guys can watch a cute movie together or something? If you can’t tell her how you feel maybe you can show her through your actions.”

I thought about it for a second, and it honestly wasn’t a bad idea. I knew her favorite candy, snacks, movies, all that stuff. I know she loves comfy blankets for movie time. She also complains about not having a stuffed animal for her to cuddle when she sleeps over, and she usually steals one of Matt’s. All these thoughts came flooding into my head at once, and suddenly I had the best idea.

“Okay, I got it!. We’re going to need to stop at the store before we get her. You and Nick distract her when we get back to our place, and then find some excuse to leave. I have the perfect plan.” I say excitedly.

An enormous smile grows on Matt’s face. He clicks his seatbelt, and before he can back the car out of the driveway we see Nick striding out the door to the car. Matt rolls his window down.

“What the fuck are you two still doing in the driveway? I thought you were getting Y/N?” Nick says.

“Bro get in the car you’re coming with us we’ve gotta update you on Chris’s love affair!” Matt says jokingly making me laugh. Nick just rolls his eyes, and climbs in the backseat.

***

Y/N’s POV:

Chris had given me a call earlier to tell me that their manager, Laura, needed Nick and Matt for something at her house tonight so it would just be the two of us. She had apparently given them a call on their way out to pick me up so they were running late. Honestly, I was a little nervous that Chris and I would have the house to ourselves. I was always comfortable being alone with him in his room, and I’ve always hoping he’d take one of these nights to make a move. In my head I tried to convince myself he hasn’t made a move yet because his brothers were always home— worried they’d barge in and interrupt or something. I’ve had a HUGE crush on Chris, and I wasn’t super hopeful that he felt the same way because he’s never been a relationship type of guy. Plus, he always has girl friends, and I’m worried I probably just fall under the friend category in his eyes.

Finally, I see headlights shine through my front window and look to see Matt’s car in the driveway. I grab my purse and head out the door and open the car door to climb in the backseat. I was surprised to be met with Chris in the backseat, and Nick in the front with Matt.

“Fancy seeing you in the back. You’re never back here.” I say getting in my seat and clicking the seatbelt.

“Umm yeah, I— um.” Chris starts before Nick cuts him off.

“He was taking too long in the store so I hopped in the front.” I see Chris raise his eyebrows slightly at Nick, giving him a weird look.

“I didn’t know you guys went out. What were you getting?” I ask.

“Um just toiletries and stuff. Needed some, uh, shampoo.” Chris says shrugging his shoulders and breaking out eye contact. He seemed tense, but I brushed it off.

***

We pull into the driveway and I get out of the car making my way over to the trunk. The three boys get out and stand awkwardly behind the car with me.

“Did you want help bringing the stuff in?” I say and there was silence as the boys just awkwardly stared at each other, and then at me. “…From the store?” I continue.

“Oh no Chris’s got it. Matt and I wanna show you the updates we made to the podcast studio, come on!” Nick says grabbing my arm and leading me up the driveway to their front door leaving Chris behind to get stuff out of the trunk.

Matt, Nick, and I go inside and they immediately go upstairs to their studio, and I stop to hesitate at the bottom of the stairs.

“Should we wait for Chris?” I say. Matt turns around to look at me, and then shoots a glance to Nick.

“No he’s slow as fuck. Come on!” Nick yells. I laugh and make my way upstairs.

Matt and Nick start showing me decor and stuff around the studio. It honestly wasn’t anything that I haven’t already seen before, but I kept my mouth shut because it seemed very important for them to show me again. As they blabber on I see Chris run swiftly past the door, carrying a bunch of shopping bags, and going into his bedroom slamming the door. I became even more suspicious to his weird behavior.

Matt and Nick went on to me about the podcast episodes they were planning to film, but I was barely even listening since my thoughts were elsewhere. I’m snapped out of my daydreaming when Chris comes in and stands in the doorway.

“Okaaaay! You guys have to go to Laura’s, yeah?” Chris asks his brothers.

“Yes! Yes we do. Matt let’s get going!” Nick says to Matt and they eagerly start walking out of the room. Matt turns back and gives me a smile, “Have fun!” He says. Matt then gives Chris a pat on the shoulder before him and Nick make their way downstairs and out the door.

Why the hell were they all acting so weird?

I take a step towards Chris as he remains blocking the doorway.

“So, what do you wanna do?” I question, and a smirk creeps up on his face.

“I actually have a special movie night planned for us.” He says with that sweet smile of his I love so much.

“What makes it special?” I ask. He grabs my hand, making my breath hitch in my throat slightly at our touch. He leads me to his bedroom. Was this it? Was he making his move? I didn’t necessarily think he’d be so bold as to bed me right away, but I also wasn’t complaining. I thought to myself before he proves me wrong. He opens his bedroom door and leads me inside, and I smile big once I see what he’s done.

His bed is full of pillows from both his room and the spare bedroom, and they’re covered in a huge blanket. There’s another sherpa blanket on the bed with a cute teddy bear on my side where I usually sleep. On his nightstand is a bowl of popcorn, and bags of my favorite candies. He had turned his ceiling lights off and had fairy lights draped over his headboard illuminating the room. Also lighting the room was his TV which had one of my favorite Disney movies cued up ready to watch.

Chris steps back as I walk around the room taking it all on.

“Chris! This is so sweet!” I gawk as I jump into his bed and wrap myself in the softest blanket and he follows suit. We lay in his bed together in silence for a moment before he grabs the teddy bear and handing it to me with a smile. I take the bear from his hands and wrap it tight in my arms.

Chris’s POV:

“Chris, what’s all this for?” Y/N asks looking at me with her beautiful eyes.

I knew that she’d ask why I went all out. I had ran a couple scenarios of her possible questions in my head, and embarrassingly enough I may or may not have practiced what I was going to say with Nick in the car earlier…

“Well, it’s for you.” Duh? Chris I think that’s kinda obvious you dumb fuck. I don’t think any amount of practicing could’ve prepared me to face the prettiest, sweetest girl I’ve ever met in my life. I could feel my heart beating faster with each passing moment. She smiles, her eyes softening, and she scootches closer to me.

“You did all this for me? Why?” She asks sweetly. I knew she’d love the surprise, but also knew she’d be confused.

I really tried my best to prepare for this talk, but I was still so nervous. I didn’t know what to say.

I take a deep inhale before starting the conversation.

“I— I did this for you because I wanted to. Well I mean obviously I wanted to or else I wouldn’t have done this. What I mean is I want to show you what I think of you. Or, I mean, how I feel… and I— ugh.” I sigh and burry my face in my hands now completely embarrassed from my nervous rambling. “I don’t know how to use my words.” I mumble into my hands.

I feel a soft, gentle hand on mine pulling it slowly from my face, and I’m met with Y/N as her eyes lock on mine. When my hands are back down in my lap she reaches her hand up to gently cup my cheek, not breaking eye contact. Her eyes flicker from mine down to my lips, and back up to mine before speaking;

“Then don’t use your words…”

I bring my hand up to lay on top of hers cupping my cheek, and I lean in to her touch. I bring my other hand gently to the nape of her neck and pull her closer. Her face is mere inches away from mine. Our eyes breaking contact and moving to our lips. She slowly closes her eyes, and I pull her in fully and plant my lips on hers.

Her lips were soft. Sweet, even. They molded perfectly with mine as we kiss. The kiss is gentle and eager at the same time. I’ve only ever dreamed of this moment, and I can’t believe it’s finally happening.

We pull away from our kiss, our foreheads still touching. I open my eyes first to look at her, and when she opens hers a sweet smile creeps on her lips making me laugh softly.

“Hi.” I say in a whisper.

“Hi Chris.”

“I really like you, Y/N.”

“I really like you too.”

She pulls me in, this time with more force, and plants a passionate kiss on my lips.

We continue to kiss for a moment before I pull back.

“Will you be my girl?” I ask.

She smiles, nodding her head feverishly before bringing her lips back to mine and throwing her hands around my neck.

I’m in heaven.

**********

I honestly didn’t know how to end this and I’m kinda cringing but oh well.

Happy Thanksgiving y’all! 🦃

— Kay 🖤

[allthngs]

what are some of your conclusions on the sociological study of these two wackadoos?

They aren't normal, but why? If anyone else (you or I) acted 1/2 has oddly with a coworker or any friend, I think we would be sued for sexual harrassment, be fired, encounter problematic relationships with our loved ones, and need some psych assessment on what is normal and what is ridiculously inappropriate for "coworkers/friends".

i’m not going down the whole gillovny rabbit hole (cause i really don’t know the entire thing, i wasn’t even born when a good part of it happened and i’m sure there’s plenty of posts about it in chronological order online lol).

my perspective about this thing (as i previously said in the post) is that i really don’t care if they were together, secretly banging, secretly married or idk what they were up to. i think a lot of the crazy shit they did can be explained by the fact that they match each others freaks — and i know that’s it cause they’re both leos and i’m a leo myself. it’s astrology it makes sense to me.

the first thing i remember being told about them years and years ago was that they had really good chemistry on the show but they actually hated each other. i don’t think that’s actually true but i’m sure they’re stronger than me cause i’d go insane if i had to work 16 hours a day every day for 10 months for almost a decade like wtf how did they not k!ll each other?

but i feel like what bothered them the most was how people really wanted to label the thing on extreme scale: they were either having a secret relationship or really hated each other — they were either really good friends or never talking to each other. and that’s kinda unrealistic cause most of the relationship we create with people fall in between these definitions.

i feel like what’s going on today kind of proves it. they’re “out of the public eye” (at least related to one another) and they’re just THERE being silly on the ig stories.

or maybe this is all a studied to promote the fail better episode they’re going to drop one day or the other (not really plausible to me but i don’t work in communication so i really can’t tell).

but yeah i feel like they’re on good terms now and as far as i can tell they could really recreate this photoshoot i don’t really know what they’re up to — they’re just two oldies on the internet and i love them for that.

[anoant-haikyuu-dump]

As a fellow Nekoma's second years enjoyer who just recently found your posts, I need to know your thoughts on that scene in season 4 where Tora is like "you can call me Tora, that's what my friends call me" and Kenma's like "meh, can I not" and they're fighting and Fukunaga runs to them with the bucket. And then an abrupt cut to Kenma crying out "Tora!" while passing the ball. Insane. Still hits me with emotions every time I rewatch it.

And also this frame from the stage play.

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT EPISODE OH MY GOD, I know I mostly talk about them as a group or Fukutora but Kenma and Tora's relationship is soooo special to me. They're such an important dynamic, especially for Kenma's character development!! To have someone as introverted and generally people-aversed as Kenma consider a guy with the complete opposite personality a friend is so endearing. Tora's everything he hates from how loud he is to his gung ho mindset to his boundless energy, but despite that they manage to get over their differences and build a connection. Even if he wouldn't admit it him calling Tora by his nickname is an involuntary acknowledgement of that bond. One of my favorite parts about Dumpster Battle or any Nekoma-centered arcs is watching Kenma grow to love not only volleyball but the people around him— it's great seeing him go from clinging to a childhood friend to allowing all sorts of people into his life. AND THE WAY KUROO WATCHES PROUDLY AS THEY TRY TO HUG HIM UGHH. In conclusion I can't watch that episode without losing my shit.

Slight tangent but I also love how those episodes turn Tora into more than just Tanaka 2.0. Obviously his design and personality were made to mirror him and that's his main gimick but by exploring his relationship with the other second years he becomes less two-dimensional.

Anyways here are some of my favorite Tora / Kenma panels because i miss them

[markantonys]

Someone on Twitter: Rand was such an asshole in s1. They handled his character's stubbornness much better in s2. You're calling him an asshole? Based off one episode? I am a s1 Rand defender

this is the worst take!!!! the only difference in rand's stubbornness in the two seasons is that in s1 all the trauma and upheavals are extremely fresh and also he still has some hope that he can get his life back, and so he's more argumentative and hot-tempered, whereas in s2 he's hopeless and downtrodden and so he's too tired to argue as much. in s1 his entire world was turned on its head, but by s2 he's had 6 months to settle into the new status quo, which is a shitty status quo even before he finds out he didn't actually defeat the dark one, so when moiraine does come to tell him that, he's more like "[deep sigh] you know those days where you're like, this might as well happen". the reason he doesn't try and fight her in s2 is because he's long accepted he can't go back home again, not because he was an asshole in s1 but is written differently/better in s2. (also, it's almost like coming-of-age stories involve the heroes becoming more mature and better at managing their emotions as the story progresses. imagine that!)

it really is insane how harshly s1 rand is judged for having normal human emotions re: getting dumped and being led away on a life-threatening quest by an extremely shady wizard. i'm sure many of the haters would handle all that way worse than rand did if they were in his shoes! (plus when you look at the other kids: mat and perrin have painful memories in the two rivers (childhood trauma & laila) and so are not that opposed to leaving, while egwene is interested in becoming an aes sedai and so not that opposed, so naturally rand has the most reason to dig his heels in and resist being taken away.)

i think it kinda stems from our human tendency to see all conflicts as A Bad Guy vs. A Good Guy. rand & moiraine both have valid and understandable reasons for clashing (rand is scared and doesn't want to leave home; moiraine is acting for the good of the world) as do rand & egwene (rand is hurting over the breakup and upset that egwene's trying to act like nothing happened and get back with him now that her first choice of being a wisdom fell through; egwene is scared and wants to cling to the comfort and familiarity of their relationship after her whole life was overturned). but people's instinct is to make someone the bad guy in every argument, and so they give that title to rand. we see that time and again in the books too - WOT is really quite good about having the heroes disagree and have conflicts with each other even though they share the same broad goals, but fandom always simplifies it down to "X character is Right and A Good Guy, Y character is Wrong and A Bad Guy". (rand & egwene with the seals: egwene is the bad guy. rand & elayne with the dragon banners: elayne is the bad guy. egwene & gawyn with their TOM relationship negotiations: gawyn is the bad guy. mat & the wondergirls constantly: the girls are the bad guys on reddit, but mat might be the bad guy if you ask some people on tumblr.)

in conclusion, i will leave you with some of my earliest thoughts on rand as a show-only. he immediately came off to me as a walking green flag, and that opinion only strengthened as the season went on! him getting angry and having emotions never soured my opinion of him, it just made him feel real and human! so the haters can suck it, their experiences are not universal.

(i think this was from only about halfway through the season, because he did become my #1 favorite by the end of the season!)

[eddiegettingshot]

okay. mourning s1-s4 tim minear anon here. just finished my season 3 rewatch and ohhhhh boy oh boy. honestly I could write so much about that finale alone because s6 and s7 have made me forget what a good finale can be (athough I will say that the s3 finale has me thinking a wholeeee bunch of insane things about the s7 finale like buddie things and how the writing choices are were insane (complementary) that I will not elaborate on here because Im already rambling too much about how good s3 is). but genuinely all the character arcs were SO GOOD this season its insane. athena (hate the copaganda here but the general emotional journey with athena and athena/may): establishing what being a cop means to her -> showing that not even the murder of her fiance could sway her from policing and finally arresting the man that did it -> experiencing something traumatic first hand that makes her question her ability to do the job again. and then may: hating what her mom does, going as far as to write her college essay about it, then insisting on taking the pictures with her mom for prom despite her injuries from policing/not being ashamed of her. and also appreciating it to the point of also wanting to help people but as an acab truther pursuing a different way of doing it (911 operator. also imagine they made may a cop thank god that didnt happen lmao). michaels feeling of loneliness and isolation leading up to his diagnosis, then ending the season by meeting his endgame and knowing he gets to live. buck starting the season being insecure about losing his place with the 118 and being the person left behind again and ending the season confronting the last person who left him + feeling secure in his relationships with the 118. bobby's refusal to let buck do anything at the beginning of the season due to his injury + general recklessness vs doing buck's suggested rescue to save both victims. both the henren IVF/fostering arc AND the hen arc were great and thank god because the henren of it all was seriously lacking before this season. but hitting the girl with the ambulance -> reconnecting with her first rescue -> introducing her issues with Drs and their ability to listen and help patients to their full ability -> pursuing med school SO GOOD. and remember when madney used to get character arcs UGHH soooo good. developing chim + his mom/albert/his dad more. having maddie actually confront what happened with doug via therapy (btw maddie stalker plot good example of how to do an insane storyline well!!). this leading into the love confession and also the conclusion/start to the pregnancy arc they set up in !!! episode 1 !!! them not just dropping the josh arc completely after the heist trauma he suffered and seeing it through to a satisfying conclusion. and like I do have one nitpick in hindsight like the eddie arc was so good up until he got caught in the fighting ring and he cried about the divorce and then it was just never brought up again in favour of doing the mini chris stories in 3x10/3x12/3x15. like you literally had a chance to address and conclude eddie's mourning shannon arc in eddie begins or the episodes surrounding that and just didnt LMAO idk maybe they had plans and it got scrapped for the buck/red/abby arc because connie agreed to come back because really it was the only thing that did not feel concluded relative to literally every other character arc this season. anyways where is this tim. TIM WAKE UP!!! come back and give your characters arcs!!! one thing that is super obvious from rewatching the early seasons is there is still SO MUCH interesting stuff to explore with these characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am begging please give eddie a story with a satisfactory conclusion please give maddie and chim stories please stop torturing hen and karen via fostering/adoption please conclude a buck plot in satisfactory fashion please have bobby and athena explore his past properly please make ravi a main

ohhhh my god THIS MADE ME MOURN S3 TOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 what the fuck COME BACK TIM 😭😭😭😭😭 i want him BACK 😭😭😭😭😭

[richonnesbitch]

Thoughts on ep 5?

This was pry my least favorite episode so far. I’ve never cared for Gabriel so his and Jadis’ scenes bored me. The 3 new people they introduced were killed off so quickly… and badly? Idk it’s like 10 years into the apocalypse and known of them seemed to know how to survive, it felt stupid. They were literally just there to show how Rick and Michonne worked together.

Also I was surprised that Jadis ended up helping them in the end, she could have just died and got the last laugh that they didn’t know where the file was.

Honestly, I would say I loved it if not for all the Gabriel/Jadis scenes. That really brought it down for me. The entire time they were on I was fighting the urge not to skip ahead. But I guess I'm glad I didn't because I would have missed hearing that Rick wanted to marry Michonne on the bridge!!! Absolutely insane. Absolutely BONKERS.

But with that being said, I loved the rest of the episode so much. It really gave The Next World and Say Yes vibes which are two of my favorite episodes ever! Seeing Rick and Michonne on their honeymoon is just soooooo 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Rick trying to get that "junior" license plate for RJ just melted my heart. He loves that baby already and he hasn't even met him. Father of all time me thinks! And then Rick gifting Michonne her favorite toothpaste because he remembers and cherishes every little thing about her. When I say the line "I was in love with my son's best friend" sent me into orbit..... it sent me into ORBIT. I was crying my eyes out. And then when he gave her the replacement "m" necklace. Oh Rick Grimes, how I love you. I love seeing them getting to be happy and love on each other as hard as they can. Wish we could have saw their drunk freaky cabin sex where they most definitely probably tied each other up 😉 it looked a little too natural when they tied themselves up for Jadis.

It was so pleasurable for me seeing Jadis die slowly, brutally, and painfully. Everyone say thank you, Michonne! Rick telling Michonne "maybe just maim her first" had me chuckling! He's so funny. I guess Red and his siblings really were pointless? Why did Jadis think Rick and Michonne wouldn't be able to easily take out those randos? But seeing Jadis FINALLY die felt so satisfying!! I'm glad she suffered. And I'm glad Michonne didn't give her any peace as she died. She let her know the CRM will be getting what's coming to them 🥳🥳🥳

And last but not least my favorite part of the episode. You already know what it is. Rick fucking proposing to Michonne!!!

8 fucking years and we FINALLY got a proposal. I mean it's weird how most of the other couples got that chance but not the lead couple? It's weird. But I'm so glad to see it happening now. Vindication has never felt so good.

And this was only the proposal! Meaning we got a wedding coming up.

And I love this proposal so much. It's not lengthy or over the top and you really feel the few words Rick and Michonne say to each other. They carry a lot of meaning. I'm just so beyond happy!!!

But in conclusion, I do understand why this isn't people's favorite episode. I don't dislike it as much as anyone else but it's not my favorite either. I think my ranking would be episode 4, episode 1, episode 2, episode 5, episode 3. I loved that we got a little lightheartedness before shit hits the fan in the finale!

[mistywitcher]

oh sweet lord that last episode has rendered me deceased. i am dead. i cannot FUNCTION

what a show. and what a way to end the first season! as a hardcore insane percy jackson stan till i die, here’s my thoughts if you would like them:

FIRST OF ALL. the whole show: loved it. very little to critique in my opinion! i know not everyone is happy with everything, but personally i think it’s one of the best adaptations i’ve ever seen. it’s mostly faithful to the books, and the changes that were made i think were improvements and made a lot of sense.

rick wrote the first percy jackson book so long ago, this show felt like his way of being able to go back and change bits and edit the story to something that’s even better. that’s how i see the show!

LETS TALK CAST: it was fuckin perfection okay, i will fight anyone on this point. walker as percy has changed my fuckin life. his little emotional eyes in every single scene, showing so much depth to all of the dialogue, and giving the best vibes. the humour, the desperation, the self sacrifice. he is PERCY and i am so incredibly in love.

as for annabeth and grover, PERFECTION ALSO. leah slayed annabeth so hard, the little eye brow quirks, the way she was able to portray annabeth as extremely smart and logical, but not heartless, and certainly not cold. she brought such a warmth to the character and i am obsessed.

aryan as grover is just chefs kiss. from the satyr walk, to the one liners, to the uneasiness and resilience grover has, aryan has it down. i just loved him and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE HIM FLOURISH IN THE (hopeful) NEXT SEASON!

the whole cast was amazing. i loved all the choices. it all just felt so right. from the cast, to the set, to the fights, to the cgi. i’m just in love okay.

LUKE AT THE END HAD ME BAWLING. the tears in his eyes, the way he begged percy to join the cause, the hurt when he sees annabeth. FUCK ME I NEED A MOMENT OKAY.

the parallels that are being set up throughout the show for luke and percy are wonderful, i cannot wait to see how it continues. i thought it was just so cohesive and the characters feel so real.

i love how they have set it up for the next season! it’s like it’s ready to go, it’s RIGHT THERE and i want it it so bad so LETS GET MANIFESTING FOR ALL 5 SEASONS FRIENDS ITS TIME!!!

and i have to mention my love of percy/annabeth or percabeth. it’s not the whole point of the story i know, but it is something that is very special to me. i love my little sea boy and clever girlie together, and this show has set them up so beautifully. it’s given them time to have a friendship, to build trust, but also the little looks they give eachother, the pining that we can see will eventually build. IT MAKES MY FUCKIN HEART SING OKAY walker and leah slayed too hard on that front. they understood the assignment.

i could go on about this show and percy jackson in general forever. but i shall end this here because i feel like i need to go cry for a few hours lol.

in conclusion, and this will sound dramatic but i mean every word of this. this show fucking saved me right now. percy jackson is so incredibly important to me, it’s my biggest special interest, it’s shaped me for a decade, it’s my comfort, it’s my everything. i’m currently dealing with a tumour in my head at 22, and my mental health and life is crumbling around me, but this show and percy jackson and rick riordan has kept me here for the last 7 weeks and previously years before that. i owe my life to rick riordan. i will never be able to express my love for this enough.

okay okay, i’m done. see you later once i’ve rewatched the series 4374 times and have memorised every fucking word.

[dearweirdme]

Why are Jikookers so desperate to have Jimin be with JK? Why does the desperation blind them to reality and make them speak nonsense and drag Taehyung? What do they get out of it? Do they think they are helping Jimin or Jungkook by hurting someone they care for?

I cannot understand how Jikookers can witness Jungkook calling Taehyung the most handsome man in the world over and over again in various ways and still think he'd prefer Jimin's looks. If he were really with Jimin, the insane amount of times he has said how handsome Taehyung is would be a problem in a relationship. Jungkook clearly means it and wants to say it.....often!

I cannot understand how Jikookers dismiss all the dates and private trips  Taekook have taken with one another over the years or the fact that Jungkook is clearly friends with all Taehyung's friends. I haven't seen the same with any other BTS members.

I cannot understand how Jikook have 2 strong competing ships plus an ex girlfriend to compete with and are still so confident in their ship with barely any evidence, most of which can be easily debunked.

I also cannot understand how Jikookers can vilify Taehyung when we know how much Jimin and Jungkook both love him and vice-versa. My only conclusion is that they may be part of that 4% part of the population that are sociopaths. I am serious, because it makes zero sense.

Hi anon!

I actually understand very well why Jkk is a ship. Ships aren't really special. There's many of them, I can name quite a few from the top of my head.. some even out of kpop spaces. People like the idea of two celebs together and enjoy when they interact. Most ships are just that though. Jk and Jm have great chemistry, they have a genuine close friendship, they are seen together a lot, and they are both extremely popular individuals.. that's basically all that's needed for a ship to exist I think.

It does cross a certain border when thing are being made up though. When things are made into something they are not. Jkkrs do this to an extreme extent. From theories with numbers and data that are based on their own ideas and not on Jk and Jm's, to thinking Jm was hiding in a bathroom when Jk and Tae were doing a live together. From making a bitemark which Jm and Jk themselves explained into a hickey, to making enlistment some sort of romantic statement. And the most harmfull thing they do, is paint Tae as the villain, as the meddler, the queerbaiter, the attentionseeker. They completely go against what both Jk and Jm have said about their relationship with Tae. It's the creation of animosity between three guys who are best friends, no matter what you feel about their relationships.

All members call each other cute and handsome and whatnot, so I don't feel this is a strong point, same goes for the hangouts and friends minlging, because Jk and Jm do also hang out without Tae and they do share similar friends if I'm correct. But those things are not what make Jk and Tae real for me, and what make Jm and JK not real.

It's in the way they interact. And in that we find a real difference, because Tae and Jk are closer physically.. and they do drift to each other more. I've been doing a lot of rewatching.. and every episode or interview I watch I ask myself... what is it? I understand missing Tae and Jk's closeness to a certain degree, but I do not understand how people can see Jm and Jk and think... that's romance. Also a big one... there is no mystery between Jk and Jm.. like, at all!

[lloydfrontera]

I wrote a short retelling of the ending spoilers for a discord server I'm in. And. Oh☹️ they changed how it was portraited. Of course they would☹️

They already changed how Lloyd would view his death– which, by the way, was seriously more tragic when he could FEEL himself die– to it just him being an outsider that can't feel or interact with anything

Novel Javier was holding back tears, trying to comfort Lloyd by telling him to Cheer Up, the doctor will be here soon, he even gave his heart a massage using mana vs Webtoon Javier with tears and sweat rolling down his face trying desperately to prolong Lloyd's life with a mana transfer

Idk the novel scene genuinely made me sad meanwhile the webtoon just made me go 0-0 ohh that cant be good. but. thats it

Like. Just.

Novel Lloyd who arrived at his own conclusion after Javier told him that the hole they dug to throw away all the excreements from the refugees was full even though it wasn't too long ago that they dug it out

vs

Webtoon Lloyd that was literally told to 'Remember Vienna'

Novel Lloyd, who, even in his deathbed, was still trying to comfort Javier by squeezing the hand that was holding him with all the strength he got left vs "Javier... That's enough... It's no use... and you know it... Live on... and burn them..." then promptly passes away

"Cheer up a little. Please. Lloyd-nim. Just hang in there. The doctor will be here soon." vs "You are... the protector of my second home... and a hero to the thousands of refugees you saved. That... is what the world will know you as."

Like. I don't know why this actually irritates me☹️

not only did they completely changed the way lloyd experiences the ending spoilers but y'know what infuriates me the most about this particular spoiler? the way they had lloyd see a good chunk of time after he's already dead. like!! no!!!! one of the most impactful things about the ending spoilers is how fast and abrupt and brutal they are!!

later on lloyd has to carefully time his death to make sure his past self gets to hear and see all the he needs! he can't make it too long lest his word not be included in the spoiler! because the spoilers always end the moment he dies and not a moment later! he gets to experience excruciating death and then the abrupt shock of being thrown back to his own time!

in the webtoon not only does he not get to feel himself die with every spoiler, in episode 70 he even gets to see javier prep his body and burn it along with everyone else's. like. that would've been an insane amount of time compared to the few minutes at best he gets in the novel!

and it's such a cheat to have lloyd leave himself a message at this point of the story! that isn't supposed to happen until the fourth spoiler! you see the progression of lloyd slowly learning to leave more and more clues at the time of his death to the point where by the fifth spoiler he's just outright talking to himself. not like the webtoon that has him leave a message already by the second spoiler :P

and like not to repeat back at you everything but. god. the way they completely changed javier's words,,,, like. not even close to what they were supposed to be...

"You can't... You can't leave me so soon." Javier's voice dripped with sadness and anxiety. Lloyd felt his hand being grabbed. Javier was trembling. This guy. Is he sad because I'm about to die? Lloyd guessed that his teasing friendship with Javier lasted as they grew old together. "Just hold on a little more. Please.” Javier spoke, almost pleading.

the 'you can't leave me so soon' of it all,,,,, why would they completely erase that,,,,,

novel javier is just... softer? the whole scene? instead of the frantic desperation we see in the webtoon, in the novel he's just,,, begging lloyd to hold on just a little longer, just wait for the doctor to arrive, almost keeping lloyd's heart beating himself

Lloyd suddenly felt Javier's grip tighten. At the same time, warm and clean energy flowed into his body. It was mana. Emergency treatment? Lloyd was right about it. Javier was sending his mana to Lloyd, and it traveled from his hand through the elbow to reach his chest, expanding its range at every beat and driving away the murky energy in his system. At the same time, it continuously pressed on his heart. Lloyd realized what Javier was doing. He's massaging my heart. It appeared as though this future Lloyd would draw his last breath anytime soon. Javier was striving hard to extend his life at all costs. Lloyd's heart ached as he noticed how desperate Javier was. "Master Lloyd. Please bear a little more. The physician will be here soon."

it's a different tone, a different kind of desperation if that makes sense

i also really like this chapter's illustration which is not what we get in the webtoon lol

i won't put a screenshot of javier in this episode to compared them cause i'm not that bitchy but. c'mon.

having said all that. i kinda can't bring myself to completely dislike the webtoon's version aklshdjksfds

like. they kinda did go off with javier almost exploding his own heart to give his mana to lloyd,,, and then that panel of his hands clutching lloyd's shirt,,, cradling lloyd's hand in his own,,,, i am not immune to a little clinging,,,

but overall i completely get your irritation nonnie i do have a lot of grievances with the webtoon when it comes to how they're choosing to adapt the ending spoilers so. i get you 〒▽〒

[thanx-files]

Season 3 Wrap-Up

Let’s skip the boring part. We know the routine by now, and I have a lotttt to say this time around. Thoughts on Talitha Cumi and S3 below the cut.

Talitha Cumi

My least favorite season finale so far, if I’m honest. It’s not that the stakes weren’t high enough, it’s that I was confused for a lot of this episode. I, like Mulder, have precious little patience for Cancer Man and his musings, and there were a LOT of musings in this episode. I’m going to have to read the Wikipedia plot summary for this one. Also, not enough Scully.

Season 3

My favorite season so far. I know, I know “Thanx, you’ve said that every season!” If you’ll recall, I was on the fence about season 2 being better than season 1 (Pilot my beloved) because I feared recency bias. But I feel very strongly that S3 beats out both S1 and S2 pretty handily, recency notwithstanding. Why? Because it’s fun, in a way. The first handful of episodes are less so, but as the season finds a rhythm, there are these brilliant little character moments. Skinner gains a lot of depth this season, for example, but he also has some killer one-liners that tell us he is playing this game for better or for worse.

And as for Mulder and Scully? If there is one thing these two will do, it’s talk on the phone. Those were some of my favorite details this season. The classic “it’s me,” but also the way they can’t stay off the phone in Coprophages. The way Mulder knows Scully will stay on the line to eavesdrop in Avatar. Mulder, our “ticking time-bomb of insanity” starts to show his Captain Ahab side more (hello, Grotesque???). And Scully gets to call him on it! More importantly, the moment I’ve been waiting for: they finally let Scully be so so Catholic.

This season just went crazy, I don’t know what to tell you. There are some seriously unhinged episode progressions — and I’m not even talking about the two-parters. Coprophages to Syzygy to Grotesque (just two eps before Pusher)? Quagmire to Wetwired? Stop it.

5 fave eps (now with more musing!):

Revelations - I told y’all I wanted more Catholic Scully, and this episode really delivered. I love that our skeptic is religious, however remotely. I love Scully. I love that there is this part of her which the X-Files never seem to touch — until they do.

War of the Coprophages - The way they can’t stay off the phone with each other. The way Fox Mulder just HAPPENS to be in the cockroach town during the cockroach uprising. The bug that crawls across the screen. The way Mulder is eating chocolate cake while writing his report about how he narrowly escaped an exploding shit lab. The inexplicably exotic bug he squishes without hesitation.

Pusher - Fuck all the way off. The paper that just says “Pass.” “Smile, Scully.” Russian roulette. Russian roulette!!! I don’t need to tell you all about this. You already know. Plus, there’s this deeply unwell post I already made.

Jose Chung from Outer Space - I also already posted about this one, but the TL;DR is that this sitcom fanatic loves a frame story and a series of Events Which Probably Didn’t Happen Like That.

Quagmire - I KNOW I KNOW it was between this and Wetwired. But when it comes down to it, the Captain Ahab conversation is just too fucking good. Also, I feel I should honor the memory of Queequeg, who deserved better.

5 least fave eps:

The Blessing Way - It’s not that it’s a bad ep, it’s just not for me. I’ve never been much for the metaphysical “between life and death” thing where you talk to your dead dad and he tells you to keep living. This is because my heart is made of rocks.

The List - I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t like prison eps.

Piper Maru & Apocrypha - I just got lost. Glad to see Krycek again tho!

Talitha Cumi - See above.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to buckle my seatbelt for the [REDACTED] [REDACTED] arc. Maybe I’ll also rewatch the pilot just for kicks.

[lover-of-mine]

Usually I don’t engage on discourse on here (the block button and the not interested buttons are my best friends lol) but I saw a post earlier that said Aisha and Kenny doing that con (the infamous one) next year is same thing as the cameos that Lou was doing. And while I understand their point at face value, it’s just not the same. I think I would understand it if it was another main cast member doing cameos similar to how Lou was, but that’s not the case here. Lou was charging almost $200 dollars per cameo when he’s barely had 30 minutes of screen time altogether to spread head canons about his character/the show. Like I get what they’re saying, but I feel like they’re forgetting a key aspect to their point, and that is that who Lou plays, isn’t a main character on the show, hell Tommy hasn’t even had his own scene on the show without another main character being the focus of the scene. Meanwhile Aisha and Kenny play literal main characters on the show, their characters have had both multiple episodes be specifically dedicated to just their characters, if anyone has a right to speak on the show (especially at a fandom based event), it’s them. And that’s ignoring the fact that at a con setting you wouldn’t have to pay someone per question every single time you want an answer for something, because like I already said, they’re two completely different things, so why even try to compare them.

I also saw something being said about how people were paying $5 dollars for that extra part of the Q&A Ryan did on that podcast and how that’s also the same thing as what Lou did with his cameos. Which again, I see where they’re drawing their conclusions, but they’re missing the fact they’re two different things, cause like comparing $5 dollars for someone’s Patreon to get an Q&A segment and early access to a podcast episode to having to pay once again, almost $200 dollars per question is insane. Plus that podcast wasn’t even really about 9-1-1, so again, two different things.

In summary, I understand what they’re saying, I truly do, but at the same time, I think since they’re choosing to ignore the certain thing about the situations, they’re essentially making their point invalid before it even has substantial grounds. I don’t even have an actual opinion in regards to Lou/Tommy because they’re sorta just there, like they hold no weight to the show and I think that’s what brothers a lot of them, to them Tommy/Lou holds a lot more weight because of the cameos he did at the beginning. And that simply is not the case.

Sorry for rambling, usually I don’t let that stuff I see bother me, but those takes I’ve been seeing have kinda annoyed me lol.

-The Yapper

Hi my love 🩷

I did not see them trying to compare a con to the cameos, but a con setting is very different than the cameos, sure they are offering the packages with the personalized videos and stuff, but Aisha and Kenny, as leads from the show have a lot more liberty to discuss their characters in a fandom setting when they've been actively developing these characters for 7 years. I guess, sure, you're paying for access to them but at the same time we are talking about someone who played a main character for over 100 episodes doing a con and engaging with fans within a controlled environment and someone charging 100 something dollars to film a video agreeing with the message you sent them when they never had a scene about themselves. Understand the frustration but at the same time... And the Patreon thing is not comparable AT ALL tho. Simply because Ryan is not the one getting the money. You're paying for extra content from the podcaster, Ryan just happens to be part of the content he's putting out.

I do feel you on the "they just want them to have a bigger impact than they actually do" part, so they are just grabbing onto anything they can.

[fallen-gravity]

Same energy!

NO YOU SEE I'M STILL INSANE ABOUT THIS I WROTE A WHOLE ANALYSIS ON THIS BACK IN APRIL/MAY

This goes even doubly so now!! Obviously Ollie's parents aren't anywhere near as horrible to him as Belos was to Hunter, but it's about being denied affection in a time of need and forgetting that you deserve it and the oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. reaction you have when you finally recieve it. Ollie defies his parents and tells them hey, I don't want to hunt ghosts anymore, I stopped hunting ghosts ages ago because they can be good, actually, and I have proof, and even though he didn't say it in those words or in any way that made it seem like he was talking on nay level other than a hypothetical one, his parents still rejejcted him. Sure, they hugged him and said they were proud of him for how empathetic he's become, but not before shoving him away and scolding him on how wrong he is.

Ollie and Hunter both struggle with the idea that love is something that you earn. Even way back in Book Marks the Sprite, when Ollie still genuinely believed in ghost hunting, a good portion of his plot of the episode was about how he just wanted trust and respect. He put a special emphasis on not wanting to let Molly down in particular. He feels like he has to earn her trust and affection now that she knows he hunts ghosts, and that's before he even knew about Scratch! He thinks he's only worthy of affection and praise if he's doing something right. He especially makes emphasis on this while they're at the ice cream shop when he states that Molly's not like the others. Others see him and his family as a joke, but she doesn't.

Episodes following Some-Ollie like Frightmares and Unhaunting show him struggling with a similar problem. He knows he did something wrong, and therefore he thinks he's practically human garbage for it. He wants to get better, mind you, and actively tries, but he's so, so quick to jumping to conclusions that everyone must hate him and that there's nothing he can do about it that it usually takes Molly taking him by the hand to snap him out of that whirlwind of thoughts. He doesn't feel worthy of love unless he proves himself, so when he recieves it without actually doing anything spectactular to earn it, it catches him off-guard. Unhaunting is a really good example of this, because the thing that stops him from crying during his breakdown is Molly gently grabbing him by the shoulder. Sure, her words are what stops him from breaking down, but essentially....

this is what makes his brain halt for a moment. He's recieving gentle affection when he thinks he doesn't deserve it. Ollie, like Hunter, thinks the only option for doing something wrong is isolation and punishment.

The Grand Gesture is such a fun episode for similar reasons. Molly's not really acting like herself, and she keeps setting him up for all of these grand gestures that either end up going disastorously wrong or just happen to fall in line with things she didn't know he didn't like. He sees her going over the top for him, he hears her calling their walk in the park romantic, he sees the blush on her face, and he...

thinks she hates him.

He has so much internalized self-hatred that it's hard for him to believe that Molly could possibly like him. Especially so soon after he opened himself up to his parents and got rejected. Probably especially after what happened at the school dance a few months(?) prior. It's his default to assume he's the one doing something wrong.

So when you take the boy who hates himself with everything he has, and you give him a girl who loves him with every fibre of her being, well....

it's no wonder you're going to find similarities

[buddieisgoingcanon2024]

Kinda just going to share some things that are going through my mind.

"""I do think Eddiebhas been acting OOC but my problem is I can't tell if its lazy writing to make Buck act put or if it will be addressed in a way.""""

I have to see if i can find it, but someone on tumblr had a great theory that it wasn't just 7:04 that we see things from Bucks point of view, but that most of the "buddies moments" this season have all been from Buck's point of view. They had some great insight on how they detailed the scenes and how they came to that conclusion. I found it interesting but darn if I didn't remember to save it. Maybe someone else who knows more about how to search Tumblr would be able to find it. All I remember is they had Eddie and Buck in their profile pic and that isn't a lot to go on to find it again.

Another thing that keeps crossing my mind is... while I doubt it is going to happen, people keep mentioning that if there ends up being a buddie kiss in the next epi, that It would be just like buck and lucy kissing and cheating. Yet... Tommy isn't Buck's bf at this point. So it wouldn't be. They had one partial date, and they met for coffee. That isn't bfs. Heck, they are barely seeing each other at this point. (now Eddie would be a different story) I'm just confused about how people have gone from one failed date and one coffee date to BOOM. They are bfs, and they are endgame. like what?? My friends would think I was insane if I went out with someone once and said we were in a relationship. We don't even know if they will even get to the point of an official relationship. For all we know, exploring his bisexuality means that Buck and Tommy go out on a few dates and things fizzle. We honestly don't know at this point. I just mean there are levels to dating here and they are definitely not at the bf/bf stage at this point.

I don't dislike Tommy (outside of the fact that there was nothing about his behaviors of the past); however, it is highly doubtful that he is endgame, and I'm kind of stunned that so many are acting like Buddie is all overbased off of some upcoming dating between the two. I mean even with him having been on the show before, we knew more about Ali and Taylor at this point than we do of Tommy. (we only know more about tommy compared to marisol because he was on the show before) Tommy is just a way for Buck to explore in a healthy manner. Im cool with that.

I do find it interesting that we are getting more and more information about things such as They tried to have Bi buck seasons before. Bucks story arc now was meant for Eddie. Heck it seems like almost every interview at some point mentions Buddie in some way shape or form. Its just different than before. And they had to know people would go crazy overhearing that Bi Buck was already supposed to happen. They had to know people would go insane over the Tommy/eddie. And I Still maintain that it makes no sense to literally sell Tommy as a duplicate Eddie without a reason. Especially when you realize that the Episode was from Bucks's point of view, which means his subconscious knows, even if he himself hasn't figured it out yet. Right now, Tommy is safe, and there isn't any extra drama with him. so it's easy to convince yourself that THAT is who you were trying to attract.

I do think it is ridiculous that people are trying to curb peoples comments for buddie or for tommy/Buck (yeah I get it for the really toxic bad comments but I mean even if someone just says we are still waiting for buddie, really? is that something to attack them about? Or if someone post Tommy/Buck are so cute, is that really something to lose it over?

Share what you enjoy and keep it moving folks.

Wow. Great rant anon. I love reading these long asks. Thanks for saying all those things. I agree with all of it.

[theonethatyaks93]

A Discussion on Pinky's Sexuality/Gender (Day 3 of Pinky Week)

(Quick Note: Ahhh! Sorry about the delay on this! It's just that I've had a lot on my plate and with that new Pinky and The Brain trailer thing, I've been kind of stressed out. This is mostly because I've been trying to lower my expectations as far as they will go so I won't be disappointed or I'll be blown away. I just don't know what to think. Also, burnout is real. I'm making it all up this week, I promise!)

(Another note: I didn't expect this post to be delayed so much! Oh god! Anyways, the next few days will be a makeup week where I finally finish Pinky Week and get prepared for Brain Week coming up. This was supposed to come out last Wednesday, but I had absolutely no time! Also, I had to do a LOT of re-watching clips and research for this! Way more than I had thought. Sorry!!!)

Hi everyone and welcome to the third day of Pinky Week! For those who are just joining me, here's the gist of what's going on. Since there's going to be a new set of Pinky and The Brain shorts on Friday and Pinky's narfday was last Saturday, I decided to dedicate an entire week to talking about Pinky. Every day, I'll be making a new post about a different aspect of him, discussing things such as his character. I've already made a happy birthday and a more personal story about Pinky so go check those out. Ok, so let's begin today's discussion.

3/22/23 Discussing Pinky's Sexuality/Gender- Listen, most of this will just serve as possible headcanons/theories on events. I personally think that Pinky is pansexual and genderfluid; obviously not everyone will agree with me. This post is just a celebration on the things that I have noticed during the course of the reboot and spin-off series. I'll be tracing his evolution from loyal assistant to best friend to possible love interest for Brain. I will also be talking about how his gender identity transitioned from an interesting little joke to a realistic and admirable portrayal of a character who's not afraid to be himself. I am trying to cover as much ground as possible so let's give it a shot.

Pinky's Sexuality: Pansexual

What Does Being Pansexual Mean?: Pansexual can be defined as a romantic attraction to male, female, and nonbinary people; so basically, you like everyone. While seemingly not as common as being gay or bisexual, pansexual characters have been getting the respect and love they deserve.

Why Does Pinky Embody Pansexuality?: Pinky being pansexual has been tossed around as a kind of fan theory for a few years. Some people think that he's bisexual (like Brain) and some think he's just straight up gay (read below section for further information). However, I fall under the group that says he's pansexual because it fits his character the best. Pinky is the kind of mouse who would love just about everyone, no matter their gender or species. His kindness for anyone knows no bounds and though his heart gets constantly broken, he always gets back up again. Pinky is always determined to support Brain in everything he does, no matter how upset his friend makes him. His unbridled affection for Brain is honestly a pretty big giveaway to Pinky not being straight in the slightest.

Could Pinky be Just Gay?: This really depends on the person you ask. If you were a new fan of the series, only starting to watch during season 3 of the reboot, then yeah. Pinky is basically gay in those final ten episodes with him never mentioning a female love interest for the first time (I think) ever. It's insane. Also, he hints at his attraction to Brain in several ways such as dressing up alongside him in feminine clothing (he didn't have to do that) and even holding his hand tightly (much to Brain's surprise). He also does that little hand gesture at least five or six times and showcases his more extravagant personality. So, my conclusion is that if you were to only watch season 3 of the reboot then Pinky is nearly 100% gay. However, when you watch the rest of the franchise, this changes his sexuality to pansexual since he has a few female attractions earlier on.

Setting Things Up (Animaniacs 1993): Below is the first time Pinky gives Brain a compliment. It's from their debut episode "Win Big."

The first "gay stare" from the entire franchise in the episode "Where Rodents Dare."

Although we don't get too many Brinky moments from the earliest era of the mice's existence, we do get to see that even from the beginning, Pinky really cared for Brain in many ways. He gives his friend compliments, admires his work, and even tries his best to follow his plans, (though Pinky can get distracted easily). In "Win Big" Pinky gives a seemingly content reaction when Brain pulls him by the tail. "Where Rodents Dare" gives us the first official gay stare in the series, done by Pinky after Brain talks to him about the plan. Pinky is often seen acting in a very positive way around Brain, no matter what his friend says. While this was the point in the series where the two's relationship could only be seen as a partnership/acquaintanceship, Pinky still seems to call Brain his friends without hassle. Brain seems more reserved here and is often more brash when it comes to Pinky and his behavior.

Pinky Gets Flirty (Pinky and The Brain): Below is a screenshot from the infamous "colleague" line from episode "That Smarts"

Pinky doesn't know what to say to Brain on their "dinner date" in segment "Brain's Night Off."

This well-known frame from segment "Beach Blanket Brain" (which coincidently is paired with the previously mentioned segment).

A flirtatious line from "Brain Noir."

Pinky consoles a distraught Brain in episode "You'll Never Eat Food Pellets in This Town Again."

Pinky playing around with Brain from "Pinky's Plan."

Pinky in his adorable sweater from "Megalomaniacs Anonymous."

Pinky trying to save Brain from an avalanche in (one of my favorite episodes) "This Old Mouse."

Things began to escalate quickly after the mice got their own spin-off show. Pinky's more flirty tendencies and his relationship with Brain began to grow stronger and stronger. He showcases his feelings more often here as well. For example: when Brain calls Pinky his colleague, Pinky gets all giddy and he swoons a little. When Brain compliments Pinky after his mindless TV watching proves beneficial to the plan, Pinky tells Brain to stop it as Brain's making him feel all gooshy. This moment is complete with Pinky looking flustered and there's even a music swell to compliment the entire ordeal. Pinky is shown on multiple occasions to take great pleasure in flirting or teasing Brain, giggling often. His loyalty to his friend is also shown in excess. When Pinky sees that Brain is going to perish after an avalanche in episode "This Old Mouse", he goes all the way up north to find him. Pinky does manage to save Brain, not only proving his dedication to his companion, but convincing Brain that the future can in fact be changed. Pinky even says things like "I can't lose you again" and when Brain tries to get him to leave for his own safety, Pinky repeatedly denies doing so, wanting to save Brain. It's incredibly heart-warming. In episode "Broadway Malady" Pinky sings a song after he and Brain split-apart about how much he misses him (and Brain hears the entire song and begins crying!). Pinky even gets the entire world's supply of important musical critics to watch Brain's show, much to Brain's surprise. Pinky's dedication to Brain is admirable, and the bond the two share is precious in every single way. Pinky is always there to comfort Brain in his darkest hours. He also gives meaningful gifts to his best friend including the globe keychain from the Christmas episode. Even when Snowball tries to convince Pinky to join him, he remains loyal. Despite the many flaws in their relationship, Pinky truly believes that Brain is the most important mouse in his life and he would do anything for him.

Secret Intentions (Pinky, Elmyra, and The Brain): Below is a picture of Pinky staring at Brain from "The Girl with Nothing Extra."

Pinky imagining him and Brain as a married couple! This is from my favorite PEaTB episode "Pinky's Dream House."

Despite being poorly received by fans, Pinky, Elmyra, and The Brain gave us a few new, very obvious signs of Pinky's possible attraction to Brain. Though he has a gained a massive sassitiude, he still maintains most of his core character traits from the spin-off. The most obvious case of a romantic hint was in the segment "Pinky's Dream House." This gives us an extensive view at Pinky's desires, which include being a housewife to Brain and living a perfect life. He even goes on to sing a song about his dream (the song is really good and well written). This is one of the most ambiguously gay moments in the entire franchise; it's actually stunning that they managed to sneak this past network censors. Pinky wants this to happen, and it isn't a version of him that is female. It's just Pinky wanting to be a housewife to Brain in one of the sweetest segments from this mixed bag of a show. Pinky's wish does come true and he does get to live with Brain for a while, but it doesn't last. It's a darn shame too because it seemed like Brain was starting to enjoy this lifestyle as well. Aside from this, there are a few cute gay stares and a compliment or two on occasion. It's really admirable how Pinky's dream of being a housewife was taken very seriously, and that he still cares for Brain's needs no matter what.

A Troubling Conflict (the Brinky vs. Pinky x Phar Fignewton feud): Below is a picture of Pinky and Phar Fignewton (you get the idea of Brinky by this point).

Yeah, this was a thing. Back before the reboot was made and nearly everyone became a Brinky shipper, there was a small conflict within the fandom between two well-regarded ships. Brinky fans were just starting to migrate their way onto various internet platforms and the ship was gaining steam. However, there were a few people who stuck with the canon ship of Pinky x Phar Fignewton instead. Their reasoning was that the two were essentially "soulmates" with their designs being similar and their interactions all the more precious. For those who aren't aware, Phar Fignewton is a character that was introduced in the segment "Jockey for Position." She'd later appear as only a cameo in Pinky and The Brain segments "The Third Mouse" and "A Meticulous Analysis of History." She made her return in the movie Wakko's Wish, where she had a more extensive role as Pinky's love interest (or so we think). After this movie, she never appeared alongside the mice again, fading into the realm of obscure Animaniacs characters. A lot of people really liked this ship though and fanart made its way onto sites like DeviantArt. However, Pinky x Phar Fignewton fans would often denounce Brinky for interfering with their ship and Brinky fans would do the same to them. It was a giant mess. Unfortunately for the fans of the horse-mouse couple, their ship was laid to rest in non-canon during 2020 when the Animaniacs reboot came out, as she only appeared in a brief cameo. Pinky was now more focused on Brain and Brinky shippers rejoiced as the mice came close to being canon. Though many of us out there do ship Brinky, it's important to remember our fallen alternate ship and the cuteness it brought us. Brinky did win in the end, taking a lot of Pinky x Phar Fignewton shippers away from their previous ship and into a larger group of the fandom.

Put to the Side: (Reboot Season 1): Below is Pinky staring at Brain yet again from "Ex-Mousina" (I wanted to put the cute moment from "Future Brain" here but I think it's more suited to Brain rather than Pinky).

This adorable exchange from episode "Babysitter's Flub."

Here we are, the Animanics reboot. This is where Pinky's sexuality stops being questioned and instead becomes somewhat confirmed. Much to the delight of many people, Pinky's interactions with Brain become a lot less platonic as the series goes along; there are also less straight routes to fall down as well. However, things didn't kick into shape until later seasons. Cute Pinky and Brain moments were put to the side in exchange for focusing on re-introducing the mice to a modern audience in season one. There wasn't a complete non-existence as we got a few adorable stares and even a near-kiss (wait until we get to Brain Week to hear about that one!). The mice did have their fair share of gay scenes such as the X and O confusion bit from "Babysitter's Flub" and the ending of "Future Brain" where Pinky saves Brain from falling into a portal. Pinky's loyalty to Brain is stronger than ever, with Brain being the one that has to go through the test in his relationship with Pinky. Sure Pinky feels a twinge of jealousy when Brain essentially abandons him for a robot, but that ends up in complete disaster. While this season did a great job of re-establishing their relationship, Pinky's presence as a character had to be sacrificed. He barely has any major roles in these first segments, almost seeming like a side or background character at times. He still proves to have a close bond with Brain, always listening to his feelings and offering comfort. Luckily, better things were on the horizon.

New Developments: (Reboot Season 2): Below is a picture of an underrated embrace from "Narf Over Troubled Water."

An extremely popular moment from "Happy Narfday."

Pinky caught gay staring YET AGAIN in "Wakkiver Twist." (It never ends!)

Hand holding from episode "Narf Over Troubled Water." (This episode just has too many moments to count!)

This season managed to blow everyone's expectations out of the water. Not only did we get more undeniable moments of Pinky showcasing his possible feelings for Brain, but Brain seemed to recuperate those affections. Pinky was more used here, him having at least four times as many gay moments as he did in the previous season. He often lovingly gazes at Brain, gives him tight embraces, holds his hand, and even mentions attending a traffic light party and wearing yellow, seemingly implying that he doesn't entirely know what their is relationship at this point. The number of moments in season 2 that made people scream in delight are nearly impossible to count. Here are a few notable ones. In "Backwards Pinky", Pinky often makes vaguely flirtatious comments about Brain, to which Brain responds in annoyance. In "The Flawed Couple", Pinky is seen in the first pilot playing a housewife to Brain in a similar situation to "Pinky's Dream House." Pinky's loyalty to Brain comes full circle in "Run Pinky Run" where he would do anything to save his best friend. "Happy Narfday" probably has some of the most obvious interactions including Pinky calling Brain "darling", Pinky moving Brain around and holding his hand, and even an adorable hug at the segment's end. Pinky compliments Brain and makes pleasant statements to him in "Plight of Hand" and "Mouse Madness"; in the former, he even fights against his own hands in order to save Brain. "Narf Over Troubled Water" was probably the most famous episode when it came to Brinky moments. There was just so much to comprehend at once; it's extremely difficult to try and mark down it all. Pinky comforting Brain after he starts doubting himself, Pinky coming back for Brain after their split-up, and that ENTIRE ending sequence were the most noticeable. These moments were impactful to Pinky's character as they showed his displays of affection and kindness and that their co-dependent relationship was not only important but entirely necessary to the franchise.

Pinky's Sexuality Confirmed? (Reboot Season 3): Below is a picture of Pinky posing in a seductive manner while Brain watches in annoyance. From the segment "How The Brain Thieved Christmas."

A clip of Pinky kissing Brain from "Groundmouse Day!"

A picture of a picture of Pinky kissing Brain from "How to: Friendship."

Pinky holds Brain by the shoulders in an attempt to steady him. From "How The Brain Thieved Christmas."

Pinky after Brain mentions the current situation being "too romantic." He heavily implies that he thinks that he and Brain are also in a romantic situation. I'm not kidding! From segment "Royal Flush."

Pinky is so proud of Brain for taking over the world. From episode "Groundmouse Day."

Pinky touches Brain's image on the screen in an precious manner! From "How to: Friendship."

Pinky holds Brain's hand tightly after destroying AI Julia (the entire moment will be shown when we get to Brain Week!). From episode "All's Fair in Love and Door."

Season three had easily the most on-the-nose segments when it came to hints at Brinky. This is also the season that confirmed to a lot of people that Pinky was not straight. In fact, if you were only to watch this season and nothing else, Pinky could be considered gay. Not only does he never mention a female love interest but he seems to have taken his flirty and more romantic tendencies with Brain to another level. There is an intimate interaction between the mice in every single episode, whether it be settle or extremely suggestive and obvious. Pinky in particular starts to showcase his feelings in a more outrageous way. These moments are just precious. In the first few segments, Pinky is seen doing various things, including staring at Brain, rubbing his head when he gets stressed, touching Brain's image on a screen, envisioning Brain in the stars, making an adorable macaroni photo of him kissing Brain, implying that he thinks that he and Brain are having a romantic moment, relying on Brain to calm him down in a car, and resting his head on Brain's head. The second half of the season showcases Brain seemingly responding to these actions in a not so settle manner (at least from an audience perspective). From Pinky kissing Brain goodnight in one of the most hyped-up moments from the entire reboot to Pinky getting somewhat jealous and hurt when he sees that Brain was married to Julia in an alternate world, these precious scenes come in abundance. The final four episodes contain more development for Brain than Pinky, but they're still noteworthy. In "All's Fair in Love and Door", Pinky looks very surprised when Brain sacrifices himself to save Pinky from AI Julia. After Pinky saves Brain in the end, he even holds Brain's hand tightly, much to the latter's surprise. "How The Brain Thieves Christmas" was more of an exploration of Brain than Pinky, but the taller mouse has some fun moments. He poses "seductively" in front of Brain when modeling for the toy. Pinky gives Brain a meaningful gift: the thing he needed to take over the world. Pinky even says "love you!" to Brain in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment in the second part. The ending was also quite sweet with Pinky making a ton of gay stares and starting lots of embraces with Brain. In "International Mouse of Mystery", the whole song shows Pinky dropping essentially compliments towards his friend. Pinky also seemingly wants Brain to kiss him at one point, only for Brain to throw him away. Pinky is almost definitely at least some form of LGBTQ+ at this point, due to his relationship with Brain being very strong. Seeing these kinds of interactions between best friends, male best friends nonetheless, is interesting and unique. It makes their friendship/possible romantic relationship all the more special and this is why they have an extensive fanbase of people who really care for them.

Pinky is a Genderfluid Icon (An Overview from "Noah's Lark" to "International Mouse of Mystery"): Below is the very first time we see Pinky in a dress from segment "Noah's Lark" from the original Animaniacs.

Pinky in a dress inspired by the movie Gone With the Wind in episode "Brainie the Poo"

A collection of Pinky's many outfits from the Animaniacs reboot. These are from episodes "Mouse Congeniality", "Royal Flush", and "International Mouse of Mystery."

Pinky is honestly one of the most influential and important characters when it comes to gender identity and just being yourself, at least in the modern media. The running "joke" of him wearing dresses went from being a little gag in various episodes to being an actual part of his personality, revealing that it is something he enjoys quite a lot. And no one every belittles him for his decisions, especially Brain, who only gets annoyed with Pinky's actions rather than his appearance. In fact during some segments, Brain seems to have a reaction to Pinky's looks, especially in "Mouse Congeniality." While many characters characters have cross-dressed in old cartoon such as Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, they were usually to evade the capture of a foe. Pinky does this in a lot of plans, sometimes because he wants to, other times because it's necessary for the plan to work. He didn't have to dress up in "Royal Flush", but he chose to do so. That's amazing. He also doesn't dislike being referred to by she/her pronouns. At first, things didn't start out so revolutionary. Pinky's first time in a dress was in the Animaniacs segment "Noah's Lark." Rather than looking sophisticated, he looks like he's only wearing this as a disguise to go along with Brain's plan to sneak onto the ark. It's portrayed in a silly way, as if Pinky was forced to do this. He does this again in episode "Meet John Brain" when he tries to play the role of Brain's first lady. When the spin-off series was introduced, Pinky's feminine side was exposed in a more natural, less comical way. The dresses he wore were more elaborate, more colorful, and cuter. He'd be seen playing with lipstick in episode "Of Mouse and Man", showing that this was something he did for fun. After that, he can often be seen in dresses during various parody episodes, often playing the female character. He also posed as a female in episode "My Feldmans My Friends" alongside Brain as his spouse. However, in the song "The Really Great Dictator", Pinky is seen in a pink dress in what has become one of his most beloved appearances in dress. Not only does he not wear any makeup or wig for the very first time, but in the context of the song, Pinky didn't have to wear a dress at all. It was his personal decision, rather than one made by force. Despite wearing a ton of dresses, Pinky could rock the masculine wardrobe as well, being seen in suits, tuxedoes, sweaters, and swim trunks throughout the series. In Pinky, Elmyra, and The Brain, Pinky would add more outfits and looks to his collection including he (and Brain!) wearing lipstick and earrings, a Hansen inspired getup, and of course, the well-known headscarf and apron from "Pinky's Dream House" which was discussed earlier. Pinky in dresses would become a popular part of the fandom; however no one was prepared for the glory that would be given in the reboot, around 22 years after Pinky was last seen in feminine clothing.

The reboot would give us incredible moments when it came to Pinky as a character. He could finally be himself and showcase all his marvelous beauty. The first instance of Pinky in an outfit was in season 2 episode "The Flawed Couple" where Pinky is seen in typical housewife attire for a parody of the show The Honeymooners. His most iconic, popular, and recognizable dress was in the episode "Mouse Congeniality" where Pinky joins in a beauty pageant to help Brain in a plan for world domination. Pinky outfit here goes all out, even to the point where Brain is impressed with his work. Pinky is seen here in a blonde wig, has purple eye shadow, long eyelashes, lipstick, a pink dress with sash, long pink gloves, and high-heeled shoes. This is perhaps his most elaborate outfit to date, with him sporting a completely new and impressive appearance. He is also seen in a few alternate costumes including a bikini (finally!) and a baby costume (I don't know you guys). Pinky even manages to win the pageant, albeit not by vote. Him winning the pageant is a very heartfelt and genuinely happy moment. Pinky stating that he wanted to be the most beautiful human woman on the planet was so precious and sweet. It also offers a great look at Pinky, showing that cross-dressing is something he genuinely enjoys and wishes to do. Even though he doesn't wear another dress throughout the rest of the season, Pinky will sometimes randomly have eyelashes or act in a feminine manner. It's so adorable. In season 3, Pinky continues to push and break boundaries, blessing us with two new looks, though they are similar to his previous outfit in "Mouse Congeniality." In "Royal Flush", Pinky is wearing a red version of his previous dress along with purple long gloves, high heels, and another blonde wig. In a few scenes towards the beginning, Pinky has eyelashes. However as the segment continued along, those disappeared permanently, leaving him again without any makeup. He still looks incredible though. It's quite intriguing to see Pinky without makeup in a dress because that hasn't been seen since the 90's. His final outfit comes from the segment "International Mouse of Mystery", which has also gotten some attention after a frame from this cold-opening was leaked in early February 2023. This outfit contains elements of the previous two looks with Pinky wearing a red dress, though it's a darker shade, having dark purple eyeshadow, eyelashes, lipstick, high heels, and a red wig. It's really cute how he tries to play the Bond girl seen in a lot of spy films and he looks really good. Throughout, the entire song portion (Pinky has an angelic voice), Pinky is seen in his getup with Brain even "saving" him at one point. It's super cool that even though three different studious animated these episodes (Digital eMation, Titmouse, Saerom), the dresses and design remained consistent. Though it would've been nice to see Pinky get more dresses to wear, the ones he got proved to be good enough to leave an impact on the community. Every time Pinky is seen in a dress, he's treated with an enormous amount of respect and is showered with praise from all angles. He is a genderfluid icon, and can be inspiring to people in the ways he expresses himself in such a natural way. Even if this show is forgotten, there remains some hope that Pinky will be remembered as an important figure in the realm of gender identity and positivity.

Conclusion: Overall, Pinky exemplifies true greatness when it comes to representation in the LGBTQ+ community. Even though things started off in a nuanced manner, things began to become more obvious as the series went along. Pinky began to showcase his feminine side, wearing dresses and makeup for enjoyment. His apparent attraction to Brain becomes more exaggerated in the reboot. It's so wonderful to see this kind of character in our ever-changing world. Even though most of this involves things that haven't been outright confirmed, it's still important to look though all this change and growth. There are a lot of individuals out there who could and do latch onto Pinky, including myself. While he may seem like a surface-level mouse at first, if you take a deeper look, you may find that he's not as simple as he appears. I hope you took something from this, whether it be some random person on Tumblr charting Pinky's relationship with Brain and with his character growth, or a bit of information you never knew. I look forward to continuing Pinky Week in high spirits. I'll be focusing on specific moments of character development in the next three installments, so be prepared. Anyways, have a great day and/or night and I'll see you next time! Narf!

[gayelectro]

Thirst: A Ten Year Retrospective

On June 7th, 2013, at 7:30 PM, The Hub Network aired Transformers Prime’s 60th episode. Title: Thirst. Just five episodes before the conclusion of the series (and a post-series “movie”), the last few episodes of any serialized show can have a lot weighing on them, as you need to wrap up story threads in a satisfying fashion. 

For me though, Thirst missed the mark. Pretty hard.

When this episode aired, I hated it. And when posting my grievances on Tumblr, I was met with a lot of backlash. This naturally compounded the hatred I ended up brewing for this episode, as I felt as though couldn’t even talk about it with people without hearing some seriously stupid counterpoints or outright attacks to my character over not liking an episode of a children’s cartoon to sell toys.

Well, a lot of time has passed since then. It’s been a decade and I want to lay this whole thing to rest. I was 16 and still in high school when it aired, and now I’m a whole ass married 26 year old adult with a job. So I feel that getting all of my thoughts and feelings out, while also reflecting on how the Transformers fandom (and myself) have changed, might finally quell this beast for good. Aiming for the spark, as it were.

Skip the readmore if you don’t want to encounter a genuinely and insanely long post full of rambling and Transformers media consumption.

Naturally, disclaimers, because this is the internet.

Don’t go and read this and give any guff to anyone who worked on this episode or in Transformers Prime in general. I shouldn’t have to say this. Even as I speculate over what writer’s intentions or unconscious biases were back in 2013, it still gives nobody any reason to find these people and bother them. I’m allowed to criticize a show but I see no need for anybody to send shit to people who were likely just trying to get their paycheck from Hasbro.

Another disclaimer: I don’t have any problem with people who like or love this episode. I have friends who do. And I can see what positive points about it shine out for them. But I’m still allowed to have differing feelings about it and express them. At the crux of it, I think it’s just that simple. Everybody should be able to coexist within a fandom and deal with someone not liking your favorite episode or someone loving an episode you hate.

And I think one last disclaimer: the fact is that a lot of my anger towards this episode is partially baked in due to immediate fandom reactions at the time of release and my own disappointment in the episode not being what I hoped it to be. I’m going to dissect that where possible in this post. But fundamentally, I just don’t understand people who are like “you can’t hold it against a piece of media for not being what you wanted it to be” in regards to being misled. There’s a vast difference between letting fan theories get in the way of the author’s intent and being misled due to the way something is advertised. And while yes, the show isn’t to blame for how the fandom reacted to the episode, it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. How could it not? Human brains are wired for pattern recognition. How am I supposed to forget the way I was treated for not liking this episode? How am I supposed to be objective about this short of amnesia to experience the episode for the first time all over again?

Anyways, now that that’s out of the way, let’s dive in!

Now let it be known that I was thrilled for this episode. I was an avid Transformers Prime watcher. I made a whole event around every new episode airing. And I watched the promos like a hawk. I was obsessed with Transformers Prime when it was airing and convinced that it was a masterpiece. Truly, the apex of Transformers media.

So, the promotions really emphasized the zombie aspect of this episode, with a sneak peak at what they would look like. I don’t consider myself a horror fan by any means, I’ve always been squeamish and jumpy, but I think there’s an aspect of horror that lends itself to the curious mind. I wanted this episode to be scary. Knowing the Y-7 rating, I knew that this was going to be horror that likely fell within my comfort zone while also possibly pushing the envelope a bit. After all, Samurai Jack creator Genndy Tartakovsky had spoken at length about how much violence he could get under the radar in kid’s TV by having all of the “gore” be robots and aliens. I assumed that this episode was going to do much of the same.

Let me get it out of the way right now, one good thing about Thirst is the “zombicon” designs. I think they’re great. Personally would not change a thing about them, they’re pretty darn perfect.

But, being a weenie, I did try my hardest to steel myself against what the episode might throw at me. I was expecting the absolute worst they could get away with in regards to robot gore and violence and jumpscares. I wanted this episode to be scary. Sure, Y-7 scary, but still scary. I probably expected too much, given that I didn’t understand why shows stuck so hard to just 22 minute time slots at the time. But I was an easily startled kid, I figured they could still deliver... And, well... I just didn’t get that at all.

More or less, the episode rips itself into pieces. If one is being generous, about 1/3rd of the episode is veering on horror. But 2/3rds of the runtime are easily just comedic slapstick and banter between Knock Out and Starscream. While this is fine, it certainly wasn’t to my taste and was a let down. This episode obviously really really wanted to be funny and Decepticon focused. And while it was the only episode of Prime to not have a single Autobot in it, I still found its humor to be. Well.

Now, a tangent:

The writers and this series relationship with its queer-coded characters is complex and strange, to say the least. While I do love and appreciate a gay villain, it’s still very telling that the most flamboyant and clearly gay acting characters are Decepticons. Starscream in his literal stiletto heels and effeminate shrieks, Knock Out with his foppish behavior and just about everything said behind the scenes about him... It’s undeniable that they’re intended to be read as gay and it feels as though it varies from episode to episode whether them being gay is supposed to be humorous, relatable, or dastardly.

Thirst definitely feels like... The worst of this to me.

I’m going to focus more on Knock Out, just because he’s realistically more near and dear to my heart. But the fact is, I saw myself in these characters growing up. I was a young queer with no representation in the media I enjoyed. So of course I would cling to the gay, sexy robot. Regardless of if writers wanted him to be someone the audience saw themselves in, I did.

Of course, I believe at this point that everyone is familiar with “The Botcon Incident”.

[ALT TEXT : When asked at BotCon 2011, the Prime writers said that there is no designation for gay, or straight, for that matter, on Cybertron, where Transformers are created by the AllSpark, not through sexual reproductions. They also said that Knock Out is a knock out, and that the Nemesis is a very "don't ask, don't tell" place. And then they jokingly deflected the matter, claiming that Knock Out's mannerisms are not caused by any particular orientation, but are simply eccentricities caused by "a glitch in the AllSpark" the day he was created... which is unintentionally so insulting to gay people that it could create an awkward silence in the Void. ]

On one hand, Knock Out acting gay is seen as a defect. A mistake or some sort of source of humor. At the same time, there was still a lot of love given to him by the writers. In panels, they’ve expressed that they refused to let Knock Out be killed off (regardless of if any other character lived or died). Part of this was because he was really the big “original” character for the show, but part of it also definitely has to be some sort of genuine love for the character, I think.

So, it’s a weird act to juggle as a queer fan, right? The writers loved Knock Out but it feels like they still wanted to poke and jeer about how gay he was (without even really confirming him to be gay, but we can all admit he acts gay and that’s WEIRD, am I right guys).

To wrap around to Thirst: I feel like this is part of why I don’t find as much humor in the slapstick Knock Out/Starscream moments in the episode as other fans do. This feels like the most brazen and obvious part of it: the humor in the episode feels like it comes from a place of “how funny would it be to make the fags run around the ship screaming their heads off”.

By season three, the animation in this show became so beautiful and utterly expressive. And that’s a great thing. But the level to which they pushed Knock Out and Starscream’s run cycles was just... Like I get it, it’s funny when scared gay person does a silly effeminate run. Not to mention how these characters have established run cycles, we’ve seen them run before, no, in this episode they flail about helplessly because it’s sooooooo funny.

I do feel like there were undercurrents of homophobia in this show. It released in 2013 and thus was probably written back in 2012. To act like the writers room was completely devoid of the influences of homophobia would be absurd. I’m not saying that the episode is explicitly homophobic, nor that it’s homophobic to put gay characters in horror scenarios, nor that everyone who worked on Transformers Prime is a homophobe. But I am saying that this show was a product of its time, and 2012 was a very homophobic time, and that I think we can talk about that without assuming the worst in those bringing it up or the worst in everybody who worked on the media in question. Multiple things can be true at once. I just want to talk about how the vibes are off, man, it feels a little gay bash-y.

Part of what I’m trying to describe here is, to put it another way, would this episode have worked the way it did with any other characters being at the forefront? Thirst, but with say, Shockwave and Soundwave? Airachnid and Megatron? Or Arcee and Bulkhead? Or Ratchet and Wheeljack? However you switch this episode around, I’m almost positive the characters’ mere presence would not be treated as inherently comedic into itself. It feels very telling that this was a Knock Out and Starscream episode, because Knock Out and Starscream are the most obviously queer-coded characters.

Getting off of that tangent which I’m sure has already turned the few readers of this away, let me get back more into the meat of this retrospective.

Another thing that infuriated me about fan reception to this episode is that a lot of fans reduced everything to shipping wars. If there’s something that’s really changed with time in the Transformers fandom, thank fuck it’s the shipping culture. A decade ago, any and all issues I had with this episode got reduced to “You’re a KO/BD shipper and you’re angry because this episode had KO/SS moments”. To this day, I cannot express how such a dismissive and us vs. them attitude makes me see fucking red! If anything, the fan’s combative nature is what made me come to dislike KO/SS as a ship-- not the other way around.

The fact is, the banter between Knock Out and Starscream is entertaining. I do like that aspect of the episode. When they open up to one another in the bunker, it’s a really sweet moment! We have two Decepticons being vulnerable and open with each other, which is a rarity, given how cold living on the Nemesis is! It was a genuinely touching moment that gave us insight into both Knock Out and Starscream as individuals, which I really did enjoy.

The way they speak to each other throughout the episode is actually one of the things that makes me wish I could come back to this episode more (and hopefully now I can). It’s telling how they can open up to one another only to immediately throw each other under the bus the very next moment. It speaks to the Decepticon’s culture.

But anywho, there was also just the... Blatant ignoring of what actually was said in the episode to fit an agenda. Ardent “only-one-ship-may-rule” KO/SS fans insisted that Knock Out’s behavior in this episode ““proved”“ that he didn’t care about Breakdown. This thankfully has died off overtime in the fandom, now that more people can accept multiple ships coexisting in peace instead of making conflict where there doesn’t need to be any.

But even if we take shipping out of the equation entirely, you have to be either not listening or willingly deluding yourself if you think that any of Knock Out’s actions in this episode are showing that he did not care about Breakdown, regardless of if you think that relationship was lovers, friends, or just close coworkers.

“Despite your justifiable lack of regard for his human side, it doesn’t trouble you to watch what remains of your former partner endure your scientific endeavors?” “Not really. Besides, Silas once had poor Breakdown pinned to his lab table. I think my former partner would be pleased to be a part.”

This was the big exchange that really got under people’s skin. Watching it live, I loved this reaction from Knock Out. It spoke to what a sadist that he was and how he went about extracting revenge. He saw the perfect bookending of stories; Silas experimented on Breakdown, so it was only fit for Knock Out to experiment on Silas. Just as Silas had used Breakdown’s corpse as a suit to trounce around in, Knock Out would treat his body just as such. Just a shell, not any remnant of the soul that was once inside.

But certain people just heard the deadpan “not really” and just stopped listening. Like, I’m sorry, but these guys are alien robots. They probably already don’t have exactly the same feelings around corpse desecration as we do, and even if they did, Knock Out is kind of a freak anyways.

And once again, when I saw this episode, I was single. Now I’m married. I can see even more now how love can push you to weird, freakish, even ghoulish extremes. I personally could think of hardly anything more romantic than my wife torturing and experimenting on someone who wronged me. And I certainly wouldn’t be kind to someone for wearing her face in the event of her passing.

And the line “You’re no Breakdown” got wildly misinterpreted too. Somehow people thought that meant that Breakdown was “lesser” than Starscream, which... What? How? Like it’s obvious that Knock Out is contrasting his former relationship to Breakdown to the relationship he has to Starscream here. Starscream and Breakdown are vastly different people, that’s not to say anything about shipping. Once again, even if you only see Breakdown as Knock Out’s assistant, his relationship to Starscream is still vastly different to his relationship with Breakdown. Starscream is his superior officer whereas Breakdown is either on the same rung as him or a step lower. This is not a value judgement on either ship! It’s just basic chemistry and writing! One of them is a quiet brute while the other is a commanding fruit. I’m not understanding how this could lift up or put down either ship, so to see people do that (admittedly on both sides of this stupid fucking ship war) was just aggravating.

Once again, I can’t stress enough how by and large, the fandom’s attitude has shifted away from that bullshit. I see people gleefully talk about shipping all three of them together or just shipping their own favorite thing without needing to bring the other ship into it at all in an adversarial way. It’s great. Wish that could’ve been here all along. I could only imagine the kind of blood that would have been shed if someone had conducted the Transformers Husband Poll or Canon Ship Poll back in 2013, but now people can just have a good time with things the way we’re supposed to.

And then we get to the part where I actually take issue with the writing of the episode itself, regardless to fandom reaction.

Airachnid. 

Okay, so can we finally talk about this part? Because when I took issue with this when the episode aired, I got a lot of “wait and see, they still have time to do something with this”. Which. No they fucking didn’t. They opened up like five new plot points, for no reason, right at the end of the series, and then did not follow up on them at all.

I can’t wrap my head around this, even now. Why did they even take this character out of stasis? They fridged her before only to let her out for five minutes to fridge her again. This is so absurdly stupid, like I still cannot even find a silver lining to this part.

Airachnid having a hoard of zombie Insecticons on one of Cybertron’s moons did not even get a mention for the rest of the series.

What was the point of this? Legitimately, was there some sort of reason they needed to write out the Insecticons so badly? They hadn’t really been important in any regard for a long time. At that point in the show, they were barely a step above Vehicons when it came to being Decepticon cannon fodder. Was there any reason to make Airachnid extra dead with more steps? Because this doesn’t provide more closure than her already piss poor exit from the show with her being in stasis, frozen in a pod, as a trophy for Megatron.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, would have changed for the rest of Prime if Airachnid had stayed frozen in her pod and the Insecticons stayed aboard the Nemesis. I can’t think up a defense for this, I can’t conjure up an explanation, just... Why? I’m still left feeling like this was fucking strange. Maybe someone’s femdom hypnosis vampire queen fetish, I can’t fucking tell.

Now that the series is over, I’m hoping at least people can acknowledge that this was pointless, stupid, and just unnecessary. Or at least give me any reason why this isn’t the dumbest thing ever. Because this was the big thing in the actual canon of the episode that made me go “wow, that was an awful episode”.

And while I’m still left scratching my head over that, I do feel... Relieved. The more I think it over, the more I can see how the fandom has changed for the better in a lot of respects. And upon rewatching this episode, I can better see the parts that I actually like. Sure, some shit still bothers me, but I do feel better about it now.

And of course, watching Prime as it airs at 16 is a very different experience than trying to rewatch it... Basically any time once you hit your 20s. I still love Prime, but I’m older now and can see its flaws, especially since we’ve got the whole story to work with. I still recommend Prime as a starting point to people with certain tastes who wanna get into Transformers. But doing a full rewatch of the series for me is a chore now due to some of the glaring writing issues and pacing. It’s a good show, but not the pinnacle of Transformers media I used to think of it as. And that’s okay! Tempered expectations help a lot with disappointment.

With something like ten years, a lot has changed in the Transformers franchise. We now have a plethora of canon queer characters and relationships, all treated with respect. We have a nonbinary Autobot in a children’s cartoon, and I know that would have changed my world as a kid if I had grown up with that. And while it sucks that my favorite character in Transformers Prime, Breakdown, got killed off so unceremoniously, so many continuities after that have tried to make up for it by having him survive and thrive.

Another positive note is the way my feelings for this episode have impacted my real life.

Back when my wife was still just my girlfriend, I ranted and raved to her about how much I hated this episode. How stupid it was. How it was the worst episode of the whole show. Back then, she had no interest in any media pertaining to robots, let alone Transformers. But something about how passionate that got me made her curious. She checked out Thirst, and concluded that if that was the worst the Transformers Prime had to offer, then it might be a pretty good show overall. She ended up watching Prime, and with that gateway, I was able to get her to watch and enjoy more Transformers media. Which lead to more robot media as a whole. Now we have so many more fandoms and shows that we enjoy together, all because my hate boner for this episode piqued her interest! Sharing my love of robots with my wife has been a wonderful facet of our relationship and I simply don’t know how we would have gotten there without this entry way!

All of this to say... I think after ten years, maybe this isn’t the worst episode of the series. I can’t be bothered with a whole rewatch to find out, as the episodes that bore me aren’t ones that I’d bother to watch again just to rate. The shit with Airachnid was mind-achingly stupid and maybe some of the slapstick hasn’t aged the best, but otherwise it just is what it is. I liked Silas dying, I liked the character interactions we got between Starscream and Knock Out, I always adore Darren Norris’ performance as Knock Out and this episode does wonders to show off his skill (“Precisely my-- WHAT”), and the zombie designs were pretty baller.

I thank this episode for what it’s given to me, I’m going to let go of the ghosts of fandom’s past, and now I set it all free.

Here’s the whole episode on Youtube, TFwiki just links these if they’re available, apparently.