#like aragorn too and he’s a simp for his wife

[fanbutnotfanatic]

the homoeroticism of middle earth is BONKERS like i just rewatched the scene where faramir is tempted by the one ring and why was that hot?? sam, faramir, frodo, and some tension having nothing to do with the power of sauron

[spinningalbinoturtle]

The fellowship of the Kinsey scale aka LoTR characters ranked from most to least fruity

Btw this is a joke (well sort of) so don’t take any of my stereotype arguments too seriously. Although I do genuinely think most of these characters are gay.

1. Frodo- Frodo is gayest the character. He’s constantly described as queer, his deepest connection is with Sam and their relationship is incredibly romance coded. Plus he reads poetry all the time, wears his sparkly elvish top and that fall in Return of the King movie? Homosexual. Not to mention he has THE gay haircut. Man looks like a starbucks barista. Galadriel is his gay icon.

Sam- although more masculine than Frodo and also bi Sam has the second most Gay EnergyTM. He’s a bit overemotional he spends the entire series simping over Frodo and is obsessed with flowers and poetry. When his wife dies he leaves his kids to spend eternity with his husband and the elves. Gay behavior

Legolas- Legolas is a petty drama queen and I love that for him. Loves his dwarf husband. Just look at his hair-no straight man cares that much about their hair. Gay gay gay.

Gimli-a bear but in the dwarf way. Galadriel is also his gay icon. Loves his elf husband. Loves some sparkly diamonds and jewels. Lord of the GLITTERING CAVES you say? Sounds kinda fruity

Gandalf-he’s basically a minor god and thus does not conform to human ideas of sexuality and gender. Literally all the LGBTQIAs. Gandalf Big Naturals , Gandalf the Gay are just a few of this bitch’s many names.

Pippin-Y’all on this app have convinced me Pippin is not cis gender. I don’t know in what form trans, non binary, gender fluid? Honestly could be any one.

Merry-pansexual and very open about it. Just seems like a chill queer dude who smokes a ton of weed and is open to a relationship with anybody

Boromir-excessively emphasizes his straightness but has homoerotic battle moments and after battle showers with his comrades in Gondor. Very repressed bisexual

Aragorn- I think its funny if he’s the token straight but THE BIGGEST ALLY YOU WILL FIND. Literal king passes a bunch of laws enshrining LGBTQ rights cause all his friends are gay

Bonus

Faramir- is transfem and you can’t change my mind. Lesbian with her wife Eowyn. Has bi-to drag queen-to trans character arc.

Eowyn-butch lesbian horse girl and ya know what? We absolutely love her for it. After the war she has a buzzcut.

Bilbo-ace icon. I’M SORRY if you ship Bagginshield but I headcanon him as ace/aro. Hates the idea of sex but wanted kids so he adopted his gay little nephew.

[zemo-dancing]

Hello! Could I please get an Lotr and The Hobbit Ship? Thanks so much 😊

🧵 18yo woman, I’d prefer a Man but really any gender is fine

🧵 I’m kinda broke, so my plan is to marry rich honestly

🧵 Chronically Ill, so I’ve got lots of health issues

🧵 I’m a seamstress, currently doing a sewing apprenticeship, and taking care of my aging parents at the moment

🧵 I’m also an Author! I just got published a few days ago

🧵 I’m a girl of many skills and interests, so it can be a little hard to pin me down

🧵 I’m very ambitious and blunt, but I always make a point to be polite and kind too. I get nervous, and can be a bit demure sometimes. I am, however, very protective over my parents and loved ones. I have a strong but kind presence.

🧵 I love wearing skirts, and I have long wavy brown hair, glasses, and a cherubic face

🧵 I’m also very short, like under 5’ kinda short

🧵 My love languages are physical touch and acts of service

🧵 I love going outside, I can’t stand being cooped up inside all day, I LOVE nature too much. I’m really into Cottagecore

🧵 I practice Witchcraft, particularly working with Spirits and Deities.

🧵 I kinda need someone who will protect me, but not be overly possessive and jealous

I’m so sorry this took so long I’ve been very busy 😭 but here you go you sound like an amazing person!

For LOTR I ship you with: Faramir!

• This boy is head over heels for you

•Like a 1000% percent simp

•He loves hugging you and all that PDA

•And he’s the stewards son so he has lots of money to spend on you

•He leaves you little gifts in places he know you’ll find them, like new fabric, or something related to one of your many interests

•He worries about you a lot, but he knows you can handle yourself, I believe he would offer for you to join the Minas Tirith Guard with him so he can be with you more (it’s your descision whether to accept that offer or not however :)

•Long story short he likes your witchcraft because he apprenticed under Gandalf for a little while

•I fully believe this Man got a giant outdoor area in Minas Tirith approved for you by Aragorn himself

For The Hobbit, I ship you with: Thorin!

•You are his one, his queen under the mountain, and he treats you as such

•He worships the very ground you walk on, you merely have to mention a desire of anything and you have it

•He is very protective of those he loves, so if you want to learn any sort of fighting it’s going to take a lot of convincing.

•It’s not like he doesn’t believe you can handle yourself, he has lost so many of those he loves to war and pain he couldn’t bear to lose you of all people.

•He knows you don’t like being cooped up, (which is hard to avoid living in a mountain), so he makes time whenever he can to take you exploring and horse riding our past Dale

•He is supportive of anything you do, and loves to read your writing, it warms his heart that his wife is so talented.

•You two may get into stubborn standoffs occasionally, but he always ends up shuffling over to apologize and give you a hug

•All in all I think you would be very happy together!

I hope you liked this, and I’m so sorry it took so long <3

Also congrats on getting published! I don’t know who you are but I’m very proud of you! That’s no easy task <3