#like at least im doing something bc creating has been kinda hard for me this year but c'mon

[zzencat]

Why Am I So Hard On Myself? - Timeless ⏳

Breathe and choose. Left to right.

Kinda doing this one on a whim but figured it could help anyone who needs to be heard and have their doubts or feelings validated. You’re not alone. Does it say anything else about you?

TO ENHANCE ACCURACY BEFORE CHOOSING: Clear your mind. Time is now patient and still. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill your chest up to the fullest, feel the soft air brush up against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.

———————————————-

Pile 1 | “no matter how hard i try…”

somehow, something always goes wrong. you always try to salvage what you can, picking up the pieces and trying to make the most of the situation, but maybe the timing is shit, or it isn’t met up to standard. plans ruined, connections gone, opportunities lost. even when all you do is try and try. you might even think “why is this even happening? im only breathing”

small note: while shuffling, it was going pretty nicely then cards started flying out of my hands like fliers on a windy day. it’s a small thing, but to me, it has to do with having constant roadblocks and inconveniences, and that maybe you feel like you’re at your last straw sometimes

you want to be seen for your efforts. at least some acknowledgment that someone knows, sees, and understands that you’re trying. someone to hear you out for once and take you seriously, even if none of what you’d done or contributed has worked before. just acknowledgment would be enough. maybe you’re the only one who recognizes your efforts.

i think you struggle with maintaining career, friendships, or really anything, in general. the foundations laid out might’ve been risky or unstable to begin with so you could question why things don’t last for you. a part of you expects the heartbreak to happen.

it’s crazy bc in this pile, there’s so much…optimism and hope (that might be dying out or feels like it has already) that one day something will work out

your heart isn’t completely closed and you’ll still have it open to accept things, even when you think it shouldn’t. this is what makes you a stronger person. it opens a wide range of doors for you, whether you know it or not. don’t give up.

———————————————————————————————————————

Pile 2 | “look out!”

you’re so used to prioritizing others and putting yourself last. bc of this, you could’ve missed out on many things and lost opportunities

you have a big heart and hella good energy — an abundance of it — but for some reason, it’s rarely spent on yourself

you feel like it’s your responsibility, all of it — to run or lead things, as if it’s all in your hands. to take over when things are about to fall apart. who made it your responsibility to carry the burdens of others? what happens then if they don’t reciprocate or return the same generosity?

all of this energy is being redirected to the wrong places when you should be thinking about yourself too. how can you help others when you can’t even help yourself? how about your own dreams and goals? you’re human too, so you need the care and support as well. your energy doesn’t just grow on trees. put yourself high on your own list. make yourself a priority for once. book a spa day and have someone else take over for the day.

——————————————————————————————————-

Pile 3 | *whistling*

for this pile, it seems to be more family related, where your pursuits, outlooks, or the way you treat yourself is how you were treated growing up. there’s some connection to pile 2 as well, so there could be some messages in pile 2 for you if it caught your eye

parent(s)/caretakers put a lot of pressure on you with crazy expectations or nitpicking, sometimes maybe even emotional manipulation like guilt tripping

there’s a need to take more charge in your life, especially in the creative and emotional corners of it, and also to create more meaningful and deep connections

some people in this pile might be easily defensive as well too. in this lifetime, you’re gonna learn to put your guard down, bc perhaps you’d grown up feeling trapped and forced into a mold you didn’t belong in

you could struggle with emotional commitment or generally sticking to one thing. there are probably too many things you wanna do or end up trying at least once. relationships might not last too long. there could even be a subconscious fear that you won’t be able to meet someone else’s emotional needs or standards.

you’re very spontaneous and prob get bored easily. also prob struggled academically (ex: having a hard time understand in subjects, sticking to one thing/constantly changing interests or majors, feeling trapped, giving up)

you’re lowkey a perfectionist. perhaps you’re never satisfied bc you grew up with that kind of dissatisfaction on yourself, likely by adults or maybe just things you’d picked up from adolescence

at some point, you might reflect back and feel disappointed in yourself, even if you��d just had the time of your life. it seems like this pile indulges in more superficial activities/substances to fill in the void in that chest

—————————————————————————

ending teddy note: hey guys! been a while but here’s a pac for ya!! i think this is a great pac if you don’t have someone to acknowledge the potential issues going on in your life. thank you for taking the time to read this and i really hope you enjoy it! rmr to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. ciao!! :P

i would appreciate the feedback! lemme know what you got or think in the comments or reblogs 🦾

- The Tedster

[deathclassic]

tag game wednesday on a thursday bc timezones

thank you for tagging me, it's appreciated @jrooc @michellemisfit @thepupperino @doshiart

@mybrainismelted @gallapiech @roryonic @spacerockwriting

@mmmichyyy @ian-galagher @wehangout @guinguin1984

@energievie

-

Name and A03 handle: molly, death_classic

Current Location: in my room

Favorite picrew (don't have one? you can skip this or do this one)?

i dont have the link anymore but it's this one, funny bc my hair kinda looks like this again even tho i made this a few years ago

What's one thing you want in a picrew?

more hair colour options bc sometimes my hair is natural with really bad green ends from regrowth like now

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

i kinda like my mermaid mickey i guess

Why is it your favourite?

not much to pick from lol, idk i was happy with the perspective aspect and people seemed to like it

Did it come easily or was it hard to create?

oh i restarted like 15 times and it took me like 4 days to finish bc work

Last ao3 fic you commented on?

different fandom, dont want death threats bc of it <3

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced?

there was a gallavich fic i started reading way back in like 2012, it was never finished and it's been orphaned now

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic?

i like angst and whump lol

Least favourite?

historical au's? does that count? hate them

Secret or surprising kink or trope?

eh i was surprised i like dom/sub but thats kinda old now

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new?

immense anxiety? i dont share most of what i draw bc im so anxious about sharing it. whenever i do post i often throw up afterwards and have a bit of a panic attack. i feel a lot of guilt for wanting people to see what i created and i feel embarrassed when i dont get likes or reblogs.

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: it makes me feel anxious when people hype me up even though they mean well but im scared it wont live up to their expectations

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____?

search for the most angsty, hurt no comfort fic so i feel like i have a reason to feel bad

not tagging anyone bc everyone has been tagged

[sxfterhearts]

omg chat why is writing kinda hard???

ok so this is a bit of an aside (warning: this post is long) but @348kg and i talked about this and honestly writing fanfics is a way for us to express ourselves creatively while using our idols as inspo for our work. and it’s fun most of the time.. but like honestly, 70-80% of the time, writing is hard. it’s not easy, like… it’s actually quite hard work.

and i know everyone has seen posts of like “pls reblog instead of just silently reading” or “pls like at least to show your appreciation” etc etc etc and ur probs sick of hearing it but like, it’s so true???

writing is honestly hard. and for most of us fanfic writers.. im sure you know but we have lives outside of our blogs. we are students, or we work normal jobs, we have life responsibilities, we have problems to deal with, and yet somewhere in between our busy lives we manage to find the time to sit down and create these pieces of writing for you, the reader, to read.

and tbh, i don’t really know where im going with this? i just want to let you know this: a typical 1-2k words one-shot probably takes me around 2-3 hours to write (on average, on a good day - sometimes longer or shorter). but it takes you maybe 10-15 mins, at most 30 mins to read depending on your reading speed. isn’t the time gap a little wild 🫠 on a typical work day, i get home from work at about 6, i cook myself dinner and eat, i shower and clean up, and if i know im writing that night, i make sure to clear my schedule (ie no overtime, no phone calls to friends or parents etc) and i sit on my laptop and write from about 10ish to about midnight. then i pause and i edit, and set things up to get ready post (think: pictures, title, word count, writing the warnings, summary, doing the tags) and by the time i post, it’s probably 1am.

i breathe a sigh of relief because it feels good! it feels really good to release my labour of love (literally) out into the world. and honestly, you know who you are, but those of you who constantly read and reblog my work, i see u!! (Alexa play i see u by p1harmony) and those who leave comments or reviews in the tags, i also see u (that’s why i like to reblog and respond to your tags too)!! it honestly brings me so much joy when someone comes and talks to me about something i wrote and how it made them feel. or even when someone recommends a fic i wrote. all these things that are so little and take so little of your time actually mean so much to me and im sure other writers as well.

and so i guess what im trying to say to everyone is: if you are a fic reader, if you read any fics, i just want you to know that the fic you loved reading took the writer a lot of resources to write (brain power, creativity and importantly time). i hope this gives u an insight into the process of a writer/writing a fic because im hoping it might help with whether or not you decide to hit that like or reblog or comment button in the near future!!

(also, i think it’s a shame that as writers sometimes we have to compromise on what we actually want to write vs what to write to get more engagement, likes, rbs etc. personally i have been writing on tumblr since 2020 on and off so ive been on here for four years now and i have a good sense of what is a good formula for a “successful” fic - usually it’s smut, usually it’s for the most popular member in terms of fic reading, and usually it’s of a certain length posted around a certain time etc etc. but i guess i don’t rly care anymore bc im a kinda old tumblr writer who isn’t bothered about the notes as much as i am just grateful for the little comments people send me saying that what i wrote made them feel seen or resonated with them. cos i think that is priceless 🥹)

PS. in no way am i complaining about the engagement or lack thereof that i personally get, nor am i complaining about the mere fact that writing is hard bc yes i am aware that i wanted to write in the first place and so it was my decision haha

[bonesandthebees]

finally put together my thoughts about last glass chapter, idk how comprehensible it all is but I dont have the words to praise it how it deserves

the use of the pythia in the ch27 is super interesting to me

there are moments where I wonder if he doesnt have a bit of a hard time letting go of the pythia title, its all he had for a big part of his life after all, it was what have him purpose in life

and the problem wasnt inheritly in the title or the role, it was in the rules and how he was treated, he deserved to be respected as a person even when he was the pythia

that cechovs syringe was really cool, at first it was scary bc the priests intentions were definitely to use it on wilbur and I really like how it went from a fear factor to our saving grace AND created wilburs whole dilemma about taking tommy away from his goddess but saving him

by having the priest have it at first and wilbur taking it it felt really smoothly incorporated into the story instead of wilbur just finding it somewhere or something

I hate how they blame wilburs change on the deathlings, the fact that he turned against clara, the tattoo choice, everything

even now its like they cant give credit for any decisions, for having a mind of his own and just cant imagine being a person without being the pythia

or even that hes someone while having the role of the pythia

and it just hurts to see so much

thats why schlatts change in attitude mustve hurt so much

clara failed wilbur and the other pythias that came before him so bad

like I understand that all those rules are man-made, but it feels like she should protect them when she uses them for her visions yk

is the curse real? like do you personally work with it as real? or is that something left up for interpretation (or will we learn next chapter maybe)? bc tommy was cursed and he did die but at the same time coming to the palace was dangerous in nature and the actual killing was enacted as jacks revenge and that has been going on way longer than tommy was cursed, everyone cursed was kinda set up for their death beforehand they even got cursed in a way

whether it is real or not it was yet another thing that built up to the moment of Wilbur deciding to save tommy and played a big role in it bc it was thanks to the curse that wilbur knew that tommy doesnt want to die and has been praying to krisitin bc of it and it looked like shes ignoring him and all this helped wilbur decide to save him

and I think he wouldnt have saved tommy without knowing all this. it goes against the deathlings' religion (at least i think? it was murder so im not sure sure but I think it was wrong on jacks side but on tommys side I dont think it matters how he died but taking him away from death is wrong) and tommy actually worshiped kristin of his own choice and wilbur knows that and he also knows what its like not to be respected

now ofc I cant be sure what wilbur wouldve done bc that crimeboys bond is STRONG and also in the heat of the moment, accounting it was murder and all, but still

oh my god

writing this I realised that you could say THE CURSE SAVED TOMMYS LIFE this is insane I am obsessed, I think this look on it makes it all really beautiful, storytelling wise

very interested in how theyll handle the fact that jack tried to kill tommy bc honestly this situation was very different from when tommy did it, it was PLANNED

glass!jack and glass!niki you are so interesting to me I am rotating you in my brain constantly, their path of thinking has captured me

I hope that schlatts confession about his opinion on the visions helps wilbur make his peace a bit, bc while it doesnt excuse how schlatt treated wilbur, it explains it and also shows that it wasnt wilburs fault that he was failing his role as the pythia when schlatt didnt listen bc he was basically set up to fail from the start

and yes wilbur is parting with his role as the pythia but this might still help him recover, bc at least he wasnt so bad at his one job all these year

and if it doesnt help at least we got schlatt calling wilbur pretty boy, obsessed

I love how in reaction to what schlatt says wilbur feels the pythia dying in the palace and leaving it behind

what a banger chapter, so much happened and it was all so interesting

all that happened and mainly the stuff around tommys dying just showa so perfectly what this story has been telling us this whole time, what the main theme is basically, and that is that in the end you when it matters the only one you can rely on is yourself, not some god and the scene with wilbur saving tommy and kristin not being there really pushes this on you so well I love it sm

rn im just putting all my hope on phil and the deathlings to save wilbur from being forced to be the pythia again

also probably very hypothetical question but im thinking about if wilbur got the option to kinda peacefully step out of his role of the pythia by getting a vision about the next one if he would do it or wouldnt bc he would refuse to bring that fate onto someone else

aaaa thank you, yes I really enjoyed playing around with using the pythia vs wilbur in this chapter. it's hard because I wanted the chapter to be mostly wilbur, but there were key moments where I knew he was going to slip back into the pythia mindset, mostly when he's talking to the priest and later to schlatt. it's not necessarily he's having a hard time letting go of the title, it's that he's spent so much of his life in this mindset that he's not a person, that he's supposed to be wholly devoted to this goddess that he keeps slipping in and out of that mental space.

I'm glad the syringe felt smoothly incorporated!! I was worried it would feel like too much of a "this is a surprise tool that will help us later" bit and while it definitely still was, I wanted it to be tied into what was going on and the worldbuilding and everything

I mean, wilbur has spent the last decade acting as a completely dedicated pythia. then he's gone for a little over half a year and suddenly he's gotten a tattoo and severed his ties to clara and is working with the deathlings? from the priests perspective you can kind of see how it's a bit difficult to believe he got there on his own. especially when they think of becoming the pythia as the highest honor anyone can attain, and how the dehumanizing aspects are meant to be more revered and honorable than anything else

oooo that's an interesting question about the curse. this is going to sound like a cop out answer but I swear it's not, I genuinely haven't decided if the curse is real or not. in a way I think of it like schrodinger's curse. it's both real and not real at the same time. all of the deaths can be explained away by circumstance, but that doesn't mean that the curse didn't cause them. I set it up so that it was completely up to interpretation. I hope that makes sense?

hmm that's an interesting take actually! I definitely think it was a combination of things that led to wilbur deciding to save tommy's life, but the ultimate deciding factor was simply that crimeboys have an unhealthy bond. wilbur will pull tommy back from death even if he's in the arms of his goddess, because he needs tommy by his side. tommy will fight to keep wilbur to himself and get jealous when he starts to heal and connect with other people. the two of them hurt each other because of how much they love each other. that was kind of the core of that whole thing, although I really like what you pointed out with the whole curse saving tommy's life in a way

glass!rocketduo are so interesting babygirls your logic is so screwed up <3

yeah, wilbur was set up to fail from the start. and it does help him find some kind of peace with it! it wasn't his fault, he wasn't a failure. schlatt was never going to listen to him for reasons outside his control.

yessss you get it, one of the primary themes is about relying on yourself and other people before relying on goddesses that might or might not choose to help you. the deities in glass are so far above humanity they can choose what they want to help with and when, and humanity is only left to try and understand why the goddesses do what they do but they'll never really be able to.

hmm that's also an interesting question... personally I think wilbur wouldn't pass on the teachings, but even then the priests would just do it for him so it wouldn't change much. I still think he would choose not to participate though.

thank you so much for the kind words i'm so glad you enjoyed!!!

[jemmo]

for the ask game, 7, 12, 17! 💗🌼

thank you for the ask :)) and sorry its late i was gonna answer this at the bus stop yesterday but for once they decided to be on time

7. top 5 bl

man i had to stare at my mdl completed list for a while to decide this, but i'll preface that these top 5 are here both bc i have such a strong emotional connection with them and bc i want to scream about how actually good they are from a rooftop (also not ranked bc thats too hard):

utsukushii kare - don't know else i can make it clear how beloved and special this show is to me. an excellent story across both seasons and the movie with even better mains that are characterised to perfection, develop in the most beautifully human way and are performed brilliantly. and if i think about this show any longer and remember its over i will break so moving on

old fashioned cupcake - it was one thing to give me a bl starring THE og kageyama stage play actor bc those things were my life during the height of my anime phase, but to then have it be this good?? the story is beautiful, the fact they manage to do so much with such little run time amazes me, and to this day it has the most romantic line in any bl that always gives me goosebumps when i watch it. and i dont wanna talk like im that old, im only 25, but as someone who's barely had anything you can call a romantic experience, this show left me with the warmest sense of hope and comfort that beautiful love stories aren't reserved for high schools, and its never too late to find happiness

blueming - i havent rewatched this one in a while, or much at all, but i'll never forget the visceral response i had when i binged it all in one night. i adore the fact that this is just the gentlest story of 2 people falling in love and finding comfort in each other and just how naturally and simply it happens, and i think its portrayal of that specific family dynamic is phenomenal, bc for me at least its as much about that family being in the process of healing as it is about the love story, and the fact they go hand in hand is even better

bad buddy - what else is there to say. for the 12 weeks it aired, i ate, slept and breathed this show. literally did not even think about anything else. and this show has rightly been praised to the moon and back but as well as all that, its always gonna be special for me bc of the people and community i found and shared the watching experience with. what can i say, you just had to have been there, and im so glad i was

the eighth sense - surprisingly this was my last pick and i was debating swapping it for a few others, but it ultimately stays bc of how refreshing and how much of an emotional rollercoaster it was. i haven't ever brought myself to rewatch it, but i can vividly remember how enraptured i was by the sheer amount of tension they managed to create in those initial episodes, and how well they managed to maintain it. and i hope people take note of how much people loved its artful and kinda raw vibe and become inspired to do something similar bc i think it gives great balance to the genre (and i also, clearly, love it, just look at these pics. i promise i do love fun and silly stuff too)

12. most rewatched bl

i was debating putting this on my list but ultimately, while not being my absolute favourite, its my definition of a comfort show and that is my dating sim. idk what it is about the show, but ever since it came out i go back to it at the very least monthly. i think its the fact that when im really craving a good bl, it manages to not only hit all my favourite tropes (unrequited but secretly requited love, reuniting and digging up the past, that initial clash gives me a lil bit of enemies to lovers, plus it has enough fluff to make me all warm and giddy), but it also does them so well, and the story is so perfectly simple and succinct that i feel so content when the whole thing is over. truly the perfect show for when i wanna do nothing and feel happy.

17. best kiss

unsurprising but yes, it still is the bad buddy rooftop kiss. i dare not watch this kiss bc i know if the weakness ever overtakes me i will fall into a void that i will not escape for at least a week. and honestly, while there has been some good competition, idk if she'll ever be beaten, and idk if thats bias talking or just the objective truth, but i encourage all bl's to keep giving it their bests shot

❤️🧡💛bl ask game💚💙💜

[mahikamihan]

Hello!

Firstly, although I watch basically every crunchcraft stream, sometimes I miss details especially if multiple people are streaming at once, but I'll try my best and maybe have a look at the VODs tomorrow (which I am very happy to do btw)(and I haven't been able to watch any of Miyoungs solo stuff really because she streams too late for me TT ^ TT )

Ok so, I think we're on the same page with the pets- I don't think she ever gave them names- especially the llamas and her parrots- but i'll double check. I didn't watch when she got the cats so idk about that either.

Foolish has visited the deep dark (in the mine near his boat) a couple of times, and came across another portion of it when adventuring with Miyoung and Karl more recently.) But the first time he came across it was when mining for resources with Tina a couple of days after Karl joined- so significantly after his first death. I would agree that he is definitely more careful while in caves now, especially because he knows very little about the deep dark. However, he is very steadfast and curious by nature so he has been taking more risks. Besides just being curious and a bit stubborn, I think his persistance to mine and explore unsafe areas comes from him identifying his role (at least until sam started the iron farm) as the provider for the server- being the most competent minecrafter- risking his life in the pursuit of vital resources to ensure the future safety of his friends, e.g Iron armour for Tina.

The boys are really dedicated to the One Piece bit LMAO, so I predicted with Sykkuno being a marine it would create new tensions. In One Piece, even though there is competition and often battles between pirate crews to claim the title of king of the pirates etc., there is a common enemy in and unspoken alliance against the Marines (who are basically the government/ military) who want to take down all pirates. Therefore, in that way there could still be a significant and central rivalry between pirates like Karl and Foolish, while they acknowledge a wider issue in the common enemy of the marines aiming to stop them both.

Also yes, transcribing Karls book was a lot, but top tip, I figured out that (if you are on laptop/pc at least) you can screenshot/ clip the image of the page from the stream and then input it into a browser image to text converter, that made it a lot quicker.

Hope this helped!

I love talking Crunchcraft and I think sort of unintentional lore is so much more fun to make headcanons and interpret stuff from

I'll check in on ur blog so feel free to ask anything else- or if u just make a post about something I might send an ask with my take/ adding stuff if you'd like

-🦀

omg you don't have to look thru the vods if you're too busy! I'm just naturally curious about the little details 😅 (and yeah, miyoung streams late, it was a pretty dry of streams this morning, so I thankfully got a chance to catch up on some of Miyoung's and Tina's vods while at work)

i go on a pretty looooonnnngg discussion below the line, be warned! (hope you don't mind, I am just in such an inspired mood)

glad to know im not the only one having a hard time with the pet names :') I only knew of muffin bc Tina mentions her when she was talking to miyoung in one of her late night streams, and she got the cats from karl/foolish's streams when they were coming back from adventuring i think? idk if she ever picked names for the parrots/llamas, and she usually mentions them offhandedly in her streams so they're a blink or you'll miss it kind of thing compared to foolish and karl

it's actually SOOOO interesting that they found the deep dark after Foolish's first death, like, especially pretty early on when the revival system was placed! I kinda had a lore-y headcanon similarly that he was pretty level-headed leader and explorer, only much more rebellious and stubborn headed when he first joined the server. Through his first death, he has had this little anxiety that he carries with him about caves and unforeseen dangers now. He get very protective and afraid for his friends when they go in the dark, mining and such (I like a little angst sprinkled here and there). And he make judgements and analyses of other's first deaths as well in order to better himself (the vod reviews). I think crunchcraft!Foosh really understood the weight of his death bc through his hubris (love for treasure and recklessness), he left tina in a dangerous cave alone without a way to safely navigate back home that basically sparked this whole death tax and revival fees. Like imagine having a friend so so integral to your survival and well-being you bend the rules of the universe/server to just have them back. That's some fucking poetry like,,,, what in the accidental characterization that's just ... 🤌*chef's kiss*🤌

:O aaah! i'm so relieved you know one piece bc I would have never gotten that reference! ever! I hope they go through with it in their RP-ing, even a little bit, I would love love love to see it happen and the chaos that would ensue. esp if sykkuno is the opposing force sldklsdk *side eyes his first time meeting rae on mc he blowed her up accidentally*

omg the book thing is genius, im stealing that method now hehehe XD i was typing as i watch the entire time! ;-; i was about to quit thank god he only went up to 18 pages in mc

feel free to check in here every now and then, i think i might engage with more crunchcraft lore knowing that people are getting interested and looking forward to them now and again. I have like, one drabble for miyoung's first day on my queue ready to post and working on foolish's and maybe karl's first days as well. it's suuuuuper fun thinking about how they would be interpreted story/plot-wise!

[wisteria-lodge]

bird primary + snake secondary (bird model)

hi! apologies if this is all over the place, im going a little crazy. so, i am going absolutely crazy trying to figure out my primary and secondary. i used to think i was a snake bird (modeling badger snake), but then i started thinking about it and went “hm. maybe im actually a double snake?” and now im thinking i might be a lion snake or . something. i have absolutely no idea. i do know ive either exploded or burnt both primary and secondary at some point though.

So some Exploding or Burning, probably an Internal primary (Snake or Lion) with an I Move secondary (Bird or Snake.) Let’s see what we have. 

so, ive always thought i must be a snake primary because i’m very people-oriented (and i regard people with a certain type of possessiveness), but thats mostly because like… i have an intrinsic fear of being alone thanks to lgbt things (im aromantic - so the internalized arophobia and fear of dying alone is REAL big, esp considering my ex was just straight-up an arophobe) and mental illness issues (i have autism and ptsd that both mesh together to create my being incredibly anxious when around new people/situations - which doesnt lend itself well to interacting with others, so when i do latch onto someone, i latch on HARD). 

Just breathe. It’s okay. But yeah, that’s survival mode human stuff. We do have Burnt secondary language “not good at dealing with new people/situations” etch. And you *did* apologize to me first thing, which is my favorite litmus test for whether a secondary is burnt or not. 

i would not feel bad dropping each and every person in my life for literally zero reason other than i didnt like their vibes. in fact, i really wish i felt comfortable enough to do that! 

Cool. That’s kinda badass. Make me think Idealist primary... and probably Lion, who are classically the most comfortable being loners. 

im so tired all the time, and being the resident mom friend doesnt help that at all. 

ooooh we’ve got a burnt secondary, compensating Badger secondary model. (Or possibly just badger secondary.) 

ive honestly started getting a bit resentful of my friends bc i feel like theyre making me take care of them (though i know they arent).

That’s a common problem with Badger secondary people who aren’t *really* protective of their boundaries. 

so… i guess it would be helpful to explain my morals and motivations, huh?? to be blunt, i really dont know what they currently are. ive started pulling away from relying on other people. which is really healthy for me i think. i used to rely on my ex in particular to handle all of my morals (with them convincing me i was actually evil in the process - they were abusive) and im really glad that im healing enough to stop outsourcing at least that, but im still trying to build up… something to rely on. 

You’re the second SortMe post in a row that to use the specific phrase “outsourcing my morals,” but I don’t think I’m going to sort you the same way, and I’ll tell you why. 

Mainly what I am doing here is making what I consider to be statistically likely guesses. I’ve read a lot of these, and it’s enough to start seeing patterns. And I can tell you that “gaslighting ex” is MUCH more of Burnt Bird primary story, than a Burnt Lion primary story. Put that together with “I’m trying to build up... something to rely on”... and I’d be very surprised if you weren’t a Bird, friend.

i really dont ever feel quite secure. especially not enough to actually express myself as myself. hopping from relationship to relationship has been my stand-in for support up to now, but relationships are just … augh. i dont like them. ive always also felt a drive to protect and care for people (and animals! i wanted to do wildlife rehab growing up, and on the people side ive been interested in anthropology) in need

Sounds like a pretty good start to building a system. 

which sounds very badgery on paper, but honestly i cant relate to badgers really at all. something about it just doesnt really fit me, i guess? i cant relate to the community aspect of it. like yes, every person is a person, but also like. thats not whats important to me. i want to do good things, and be good, or at least better than i was before, and yes that involves taking care of those in need (to me at least), but its not… like how badgers are typically described. i dont even have anything against badgers, i really like them, but im just. not that.

You’re not a Badger. You like some of the values, but your life is not built out of communities, and you seem to like it that way.

i have also almost never forgiven anyone in my life. the few times i have ended up being mistakes, so never again. 

There was another Bird primary post that made the important distinction that there’s forgiving someone... and then there’s letting them back in to do the same thing again. 

on the snake side, i feel like i might have used to rank people according to how important they are to me, but i think that was more of a learned thing than anything else. i really admire snakes, and i want to be one, but i feel more like im just . not being genuine when i think of myself as one, even though thats what i get each time i take the official shc test (which i have recently taken the 2.0 one) and what ive considered myself to be for years now. its stopped fully fitting (unless im somehow gaslighting myself here) and i really dont know what to do about that. 

You also weren’t in a very healthy place recently, and it’s a lot harder to get a read on yourself when you’re not doing okay. (Not impossible, just... harder.) 

like, ill live, its really not that big of a deal, but i still have emotions and its still difficult. i dont like being wrong.

That’s also sounding pretty Bird to me. Both “I don’t like being wrong” and the “my emotions are difficult.” If you were a Lion, those emotions would be your compass, but Birds don’t work that way. 

on the how i do things side - i tend to react very aggressively when what/who i care about gets fucked over, and see no problem with being vicious or lying, acting, whatever i need to do to get my point across. i dont view it as bad. whatever works, works yknow? 

Okay, so you’re probably a Snake or a Bird secondary (which you knew.) And I do see where that Snake primary false positive is coming from. You have some Snake values in your system for sure, but you don’t sound like a Snake when you talk. 

i do like planning at least an outline before things, but im also perfectly content throwing it out the window. though i do enjoy collecting little bits of info i can use later! and learning! and using what i learn! but its very much a “oooohhh this is fun!!!” type thing. 

So that’s at least a fun Bird model (and it seems like every single neurodivergent person has a Bird model, so that’s not all that surprising.) 

i am not a hard worker. at all. i HATE doing things the badger sec way. it sucks and i hate it and i just want to get things done with immediately right now.

Hmm. Now that sounds very In-the-Moment, doesn’t it? I’m starting to lean Snake. 

one thing i very clearly remember from childhood is that once, in middle school, i hung out with a group of mostly boys and we were like. the loner weirdo kids. and one guy smacked me across the face for whatever reason and i immediately went “if you do that again, i will kick you directly in the crotch,” and then he went “i like you!” and we were. ig friends? from then on. Guys.. idk 

Guys are known to socialize like that sometimes. 

i didnt really have that much of an opinion on him that i can remember. i thought i was a bird for a while because of the aforementioned “oh learning fun!” thing and my reliance on at least a light plan, but then i thought about what i do under pressure. and i realized that i go fully improv, and that i feel better doing that than planning. 

Yeah, I bet it does. 

because planning also sucks and i dont really like it. ive tried using planners before and its…. so hard to keep up with….. now, my mom is a lion sec and i dont understand her AT ALL. like yeah, i can imitate her and also push through things directly, but my god is it uncomfy. id prefer to poke around and get a handle on things first, so i can have more of a finesse to what i do. 

Oh this is such classic Snake secondary stuff. Right down to the way that Snake Secondaries do not get Lions, and vice-versa. Also, I dunno, from all the examples given, I would not describe you as “not good at interacting with others.” 

i tend to favor seduction and assassination or rogue-ish routes in games, if that helps any. 

It does. (Snake.) 

sometimes my mom will be set on doing things a certain way and will be metaphorically banging her head on a wall, 

like a Lion 

and ill be in the corner desperately just like “mom please let me do this please let me hand you a different way to do this oh my god you are killing me here that isnt going to work”

Yeah, that seems like a pretty clear communication disconnect. 

[tomorrowillbeyou]

10 14 37 48 52 55 for math ask game

HII OMG THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS!!!

10. do you have any least favourite theorems?

ok for some reason i can't STAND the triangle inequality. every time i see it im like NOT THIS GUY AGAIN and i literally have no reason to feel that way its so irrational but i hate her so much 💔 im sorry triangle inequality

14. do you think you're good at math? do you expect more from yourself?

hmm that's a . tricky one to answer. i think ive always been a little hard on myself because one of my best friends growing up was literally the smartest like as in international olympiad competitor style LOL so i felt inadequate in comparison but at the same time i never felt like i would never be able to do something, i feel like i know deep down very strongly that if i work hard enough i can eventually understand something i don't yet. in terms of creativity and problem solving and stuff like that i do kind of expect a lot more from myself though but like.. i think that will grow over time fingers crossed . also im mega autistic so the whole being rigorous thing is like literally what i already had to do in my regular life or i would get scared of being misunderstood haha. king of overexplaining. anyway this became too long.

37. have you ever used math in a novel and entertaining way?

ough i am a little confused what this is asking. but in many different ways yeah . at school we used to do stupid shit like calculating the number of dots on my blazer or making up ridiculous maths pick up lines or trying to come up with the weirdest proofs or create the fastest growing function stuff like that. ive also helped run kids maths challenges where you kind of have to do that kind of thing . i think i just have a very silly and nonserjous approach to the whole idea of maths like the whole point for me is to have fun with it and mess around so Yea. idk if that's what the question means though

48. has math changed you?

that's another difficult one to answer bc i feel like it's always been really ingrained in my life so it's definitely shaped me as a person for my whole life and i can't imagine the person id be without it but like .. there wasn't really a time before i liked it and then i started liking it and became a different person iykwim. i guess when i became burnt out at the beginning of this year that changed me by making me feel incredibly depressed and lose my sense of identity entirely ahamfhkjrd but were good now!!

52. do you have favourite math textbooks? if so, what are they?

I CANT LIE A TEXTBOOK IS JUST A TEXTBOOK TO ME.. if it gets the job done and isn't super obscure and confusing im chilling 👍👍👍there are probably some really good ones out there but all the ones ive encountered have just kinda been textbooks tbh

55. where is your most favourite place to do math?

welll i guess my favourite place to do most things is in my bedroom at my desk bc that's where i feel most comfortable and private anskdjdk but sometimes if i take a bus while im really struggling with something it helps me get my ideas in order i guess it's the change of scenery or something... on the other hand least favourite i could go on for hours literally anywhere where i have to be around people without headphones in ..my misophonia swag... OH ALSO i like under the stairs in one of the lecture theatres here bc nobody ever goes there and i can blast thursday through my headphones and dance while working on problems sjdksjf but i only go there if i don't have time to go home in between things

[creepycrawliesinyourwalls]

rambling; online diary

i truely believe i can do heroin and not be addicted. i've been on dilaudid before, ive gotten high off my ass on weed, i took some vyvanse to see how itd go, and ultimately it was boring. being high is kinda boring. i complain about not having my cart, sure. but being so fr rn i do it for show. no one would ever believe me in a million years, but it is genuinely for show.

i have a hard time defining myself as a person, given the disorders i have. anything and everything that i could add to myself to humanize myself is a positive, never a negative. humanity is by definition flawed and faulty, if i have a flaw im more easily humanized.

im also incapable of being perfect, though if i wasn't abused to the point of my brain never fully forming a cohesive personality, i'm sure id be a prodigy. if my brain genetically disabled, i'd be top of my class, 4.0 gpa with honors.

with dissociative identity disorder, autism, adhd, bipolar 1, ptsd, clinical depression, arfid, and probably some sort of personality disorder, its hard to care about anything at all. these are only the mental and neurological disorders and defects, too.

inherently i was given the worst hand i could have gotten in birth. my potential is wasted, trapped inside this failure of a body. i could have been so much more. my face is somewhat conventionally attractive, so theres a win.

im confident that without my memory issues, joint pain, and depression i could be a full blown doctor. i have to settle for marketing, because my gpa currently is too low to get into engineering. i wanted to do mathematics for awhile to get into finance or something. i wanted to do geology bc my special interest is rocks, but i don't want to work for an oil company.

if i am not constantly improving with my life in any aspects, if i am stagnant for a stretch of time, i consider it a failure.

i do not have a personality, at least nothing coherent and consistent. some people say im loud, some say im shy. sweet, mean, smart, dumb, its all contradictory traits.

i consider myself better then most of the people i choose to be friends with. a good lot of them (danny, chloe, viktor) will probably never go to college. kaden might go, but im sure she'd just party the whole time. alix is maybe the only one who i'd even consider on my level, since he's aiming for law and finds debates enjoyable. he has the drive and determination to do well in life, and is at the very least takes steps to get where he wanted to get.

chloe wanted to get into medicine and be a doctor. she is chronically disabled and was failing half of he classes. from disabled to disabled person, there is no way in hell you are making it that far. id be surprised if she made it past 25, honestly. she viewed mental hospitals as a vacation, even excluding the morals on that view, its incorrect. she believed she wasn't addicted to her medication, and that it actually helped her. she never even tried.

i am beginning to become fond of alix, though. i hope my headmates realize how much better his is compared to others. taylor and vee are already fond of him, which is a good sign.

we seem to be improving our depression symptoms and dissociative amnesia, and we joined a cbt program to further along process after being voluntarily admitted to a psychiatric facility. (yes, we did ask to go. we were going to kill ourselves as soon as we were alone, we needed immediate help.) i want to work on breaking down our gatekeepers resolve, and get us to a place where we can work on final fusion. i would also like to address our npd traits, but our therapist wouldnt believe us, so ill have to work on that myself.

we haven't been practicing our religion as much as we used too, its kind of sad. we send a prayer up to apollo occasionally, and he usually answers. but otherwise we havent done any spell work. its sucks to admit it, and god to i want to delete this paragraph but i need to work on vulnerability to create and foster friendships that are mutually beneficial.

ive never seen the point of online friends, i think the concept is pointless. i've tried doing it, and everytime we ended up ghosting them. the effort did not match the spoils. if im going to have friends, i need them to invest in me before i invest in them. it can be materially, emotionally, or physically. as long as i gain benefits, you will too.

[shinyswablu]

i realized i dont ever really post about my life stuff on here anymore since i created a private diary blog, and yknow, if i saw someone still posting regularly id assume they were at least alive. but, i feel like sharing a bit bout life since i have posted pretty personal stuff on here in the past.

its been just about a month short of a year since my dad died. like any death its been very up and down, really effected my grandpa and we're not sure if he's gonna make it through this year. but my dads death left me with this entire house and all the stuff in it, and ive been trying to get stuff goin on that so we can sell this house bc its way too big for me, but its hard lmao. i have a case worker now and we talked yesterday, hopefully she'll be able to figure something out. im just overwhelmed when looking at realtors, theres so many fgudislfgusla

im still currently in school, doing it all online, to get my teaching license. im gonna graduate a lil later than planned bc i took the rest of the semester off last fall for uh. clear reasons. but i have my full course planned out for the rest of what i have left! if all goes according to plan i should graduate spring 2025 with a license to teach 7-12 social studies :3

a loooot of stuff has gone on in the mental health department. lot of changed diagnoses. but not to the point of like, changing much about... much. just like. 'oh yea that makes a lot more sense'. and some of the therapeutic approaches have changed in response. but what has changed- when i was initially actually diagnosed with adhd we tried medication and it did jack shit, and then i moved and couldnt follow up. so now i finally have been going to my psych regularly and we tried a higher dosage and i didnt expect it to do anything but holy SHIT it helps so much it actually kind of pisses me off. so many things that were so difficult that i didnt even think about being difficult are so greatly alleviated. the knowledge that so much of my suffering could have been lessened or even entirely avoided if i had been diagnosed and treated properly when i should have been, imma be real, it pisses me off. but, it is what it is, and i have it now. this is also part of why i wanna go into teaching, i wanna help avoid this for as many others as i can.

a lot of the stuff that has been improving for me is very personal stuff that i dont think ive ever really even talked about here. just, general day to day life stuff. functioning as an adult human. that kinda stuff. i know a lot of this post sounds negative, but overall, im doing pretty well. depends on the day, ofc. right now i feel fantastic, yesterday i felt like shit, but im much better at dealing with it now than i used to be.

yeehaw.

[noctfury]

*grabs my creative process by the lapels and starts shaking*

I was supposed to draw stuff today! Why the fuck are we writing instead??

[yesimwriting]

Do you think Kirigan would go for soft girls or the ones that has the same personality as him?

a/n ahh okay ik ive been bad at updating and making content on here and been on a kinda unofficial break but im doing a little better mentally so more content soon!! anyways i had to answer this the SECOND i saw it bc i have SO many opinions.

--

okay,, this is going to sound like such a cop out answer, but i think there's no wrong answer bc it depends on how you interpret his character (which i'll explain really soon) but basically, in short, my personal opinion is that he'd go for a balance but be more drawn to someone that presents as one extreme and has the opposite hidden in them,,

personally, i think he'd be drawn to someone that presents as a 'soft' girl with a hidden 'darkness' in them, i don't mean like secretly evil but someone who wants to be good so badly but something in them is just a little too hurt or impulsive to always be the bigger person, even though they want to be.

Here's why I think that personality would draw him in most (i'll also explain the opposite personality bc like i said at the beginning, i think it really depends on how you interpret his character)

- okay, so it's clear that manipulation is kinda his love language (all he did was manipulate my girl Alina and i personally do think that that was the only way he was capable of loving her, so his issues weren't an absence of love but an inability to love in a healthy way--but that's just my opinion)

- so someone in that mental state that wants to be good and for the most part is but sometimes does foolish things bc they're human and have to deal with complex emotions (emotions that remind him of his personal struggles), would be really easy to manipulate bc he's clearly not an upstanding moral guy

- so when he tells someone with those internal conflicts that he sees seeds of darkness or something beyond the exterior they show the world, that person is inclined to believe him. (like when he tells alina that he saw her power and didn't run away, but can Mal say the same?)

- and after planting those seeds, he would be quick to reap them,, what do i mean by that??

- well, a major, personal headcanon of mine is that the Darkling definitely craves the acceptance and assurance of a partner to keep away the solitude that haunts him but he's afraid/hates the idea of losing control and giving someone so much one sided power over him

- so that's why he would be drawn to someone with a softer exterior for deeper connection purposes, bc he could feel like a protector/comforter and maintain some control (i also could very easily see him having an innocence/corruption kink but we're not here for that)

- also,, i think he'd see someone like that (or just his SO in general) as super good, and there would be some level of comfort in him to be able to look at his SO and be like 'they care for me/need me so i cant be that far gone, that lost' or maybe even be like 'if someone as good as them is allowed their impulses, i should be allowed mine'

- i also feel like he'd instinctually convince himself he HATES any 'soft presenting' person he's even somewhat attracted/intrigued by bc anything he sees as pure good he'd be at least a little jealous of in a way he doesn't understand (bc keep in mind, his darkness didnt come from a place of true malice originally)

- but i think he'd bore of someone that's completely soft just bc he's attracted to power bc even when he's not working on his plans, he is,, and if the potential SO doesn't have that power physically (as in political influence/grisha ability) he'd ideally need some strength of will/personality,, which is why he likes to press on that person's fear of being 'bad'

- he'd also like to prey on someone with this personality's fear of being a bad person so that he could feel better about himself bc like i said earlier,, a small part of him would be jealous of their goodness and i think at times he'd even be insecure

- especially if his SO started spending time with someone that's a better person than him bc he wants/needs to be the person that his SO cares about most bc it's not like he cares about a lot of ppl and if he cares more about them than they do about him,, that's not a type of control he'd be willing to relinquish

now why i think ppl could believe that he'd 'go for' someone with a similar exterior to him but has a secret soft inside:

- well,, that's basically him

- i believe opposites attract way more in complex characters (which is part of the reason i lean towards the first dynamic), but he could def be with someone with such a similar personality bc two people that crave power could create such a great couple

- first off, there would be a natural challenge there, bc the two could keep each other on edge and motivated (and victory/adrenaline of competition sex would hit hard,, let me tell you)

- he'd feel comfortable being himself a little more with someone that expresses the same level of ambitions as him and that would be easier than a relationship with someone that presents as soft

- tbh i think someone with a similar personality to him as his ideal hook up but for more serious connection,, he'd connect to someone softer bc they could give him approval/assurance he needs easier

- i think that a similar personality to him would keep him on his toes and entertained which is important and someone that's as driven as him would be beneficial for multiple reasons

- they could connect to him through his struggle and validate his actions

- and if that person had a soft spot,, he'd see even more of himself in them and he'd be able to feel like a protector a little more

- he'd def like to push at that softness in order to feel like his SO is important to him, even his SO is good at hiding that part of themselves

--

honestly the reason that how you view his character is so important in answering this question is bc it depends on whether you think that motivation/being pushed while still being needed is more important to him or being validated while still feeling like he's in control is more important to him.

but yeah,, in general i think he'd be drawn to softer girls but would end up going for girls more like him bc of more assured sexual chemistry and bc it puts him less at risk at opening up to anything beyond the face he wants the world to see

[dykesymmetry]

I'm sorry to tell you but I would love to hear about the historical inaccuracies and all of your qualms with the pirate au with naval captain techno and this is your blog on a site you presumably come onto to enjoy yourself so you genuinely should have to worry about offending people with your thoughts and opinions so long as you're respectful and acknowledge their efforts before listing what was done wrong so they can learn :// /gen

WAH ok ok. uh. this is not gonna be a super serious rant bc i dont have any actual issues w the fic and its very well-written and if u like shit like potc or whatever u should definitely read it bc its very fun. that being said thats also MY special interest theyre butchering so im just gonna like. infodump about golden age of piracy below the cut

gonna start this off rq by saying im ignoring any obviously fantastical elements like erets magic or the weird storm at the beginning cause like. idrc about adding in fantasy shit, my own pirate au has like. piglins and shit. its fine idc

ok first major point is like. general characterization. which i dont honestly think is the fault of the writer misunderstanding the characters or anything, i think its more just the general assumption that pirates were all lawless renegades and the navy were idealistic men or something, in which case, lil bastard shit philza would fit the pirate role better while deeply ideological techno would fit the navy. but. i find it really fucking hard to believe that a character whos anarchist ideals make up a big portion of his motivations would be a bootlicker. and he honestly fits pretty well into the role of pirate captain? a big part of like. piracy in general. was creating this terrifying image of yourself, bc realistically you didnt want to get in a fight with every ship, that costs ammo and ship repairs and possibly lives. and i think technoblade, someone who is usually known as The Blade and who has a reputation for just being. super fucking bloodthirsty. but in reality has deepseated ideals and is determined to protect his friends at all costs, would fit way better into the role of pirate captain than phils casual war criminal self would (to be clear: i aint saying phil wouldnt be a pirate, he absolutely would. im just saying hed be a kinda shit captain tbh)

second point: pirate crews did not have the same highly hierarchical approach to roles on a ship as the navy did. to the writers credit, they kinda touched on this in ch 3 when they mentioned that the mens loyalty would still lie w phil rather than techno, but like. pirate captains werent just put into place like that, and certainly not by the previous captain. they were generally elected by the crew, who could then elect someone else if they didnt live up to their standards. also, when someone joined the crew, there'd be this whole captains code thing that theyd have to read and sign (admittedly, i know why they didnt put that part in, paperwork is boring im not faulting them for that)

along the same lines as the hierarchical shit, there wasnt really a first mate, at least in terms of like. "second in command." what there Was was a quartermaster, someone who kinda like. relayed messages between the crew and captain. again, not a huge grievance, just something that kept bugging me every time they mentioned it

another rather small grievance but one that bugged me nonetheless: at the end of ch 3, they had this moment where techno looked up at their colors and had a minute of Self Reflection that i completely ignored bc like. you would absolutely not just sail around w the black raised you are a sitting fucking target and it gives any navy vessel/pirate hunters just like. a dead giveaway that you should be attacked. youd only raise the colors if you were like. actively chasing a prize

ALSO while we're at it. this ones not a historical inaccuracy but is more of just a missed opportunity. not everyone had the same flag! most pirate captains had their own unique designs, some a bit more. goofy. than others

in phil and my au, techno has a flag similar to calico jacks (top right), but with a pig skull instead of a humans. again, its not entirely historically inaccurate, but it wouldve been cool to see what their ideas were for a unique philza flag

ok my last major issue here and one i wanted to save for last bc its a bit more graphic than others: corporal punishment (pogchamp!). im gonna be honest, im not super familiar w what could and couldnt get you punished w the royal navy, But what i do know is that the whole. cutting off a hand thing. would not be super accurate. if he was punished, hed likely be whipped (probably w a cat o nines which are like. super fucking brutal. not a fun time in the slightest). amputations were more of a "whoops you got an infection and this is the 18th century so our treatment is just to Chop" thing

[fallindomino]

how i would have changed s2 of hsmtmts

obvious disclaimer but im not a screenwriter or anyth so im not claiming what i want is best, this is just for fun lololol

okay so first of all nini would still have dropped out of yac but she wouldn’t have gone back to east, she would have transferred to north bc she was too ashamed to tell anyone she left at first and maybe she still wants to explore who she is away from ricky and the others

nini could join north’s batb and this way maybe we could have some playful rivalry with lily and nini and more scenes with antoine shdhdjdj also it could have been a great opportunity to flesh out lily’s character so those scenes where she reaches out to ricky and her confession at the end of the season actually make sense lol

speaking of ricky ,,, i think he should have left the play at some point hear me out. he only joined in the first place because of nini and barely wanted to do it at all once he realized he wasn’t gonna be able to perform with her. he could have joined crew and been a manager with natalie or smth considering he rlly does see the theater gang as a second family. also this would leave so much room for ej and ricky development and bants since ej joined the av club and began to pursue film. they could have some convos where idk ricky asks ej how he figured out what he wanted to do after duke didn’t work out and ricky could actually develop some interests that arent the play or nini ,,, maybe fucking art club i mean he did p good on that centerpiece for carlos’ quinceañera.

with ricky not being the beast anymore i think seb should take his place that would be soooo good. and since seb isn’t chip anymore carlos won’t make those snide comments about chip being a small unimportant role and we can just cut that whole fight bc it was dumb and bad. we could still have seb being insecure that carlos is only dating him bc there aren’t really any other gay guys at school. in a heartbeat is great and i did like ricky being supportive in the background it was kinda funny too idk dhdjdjfj

ooh i almost forgot abt rini ahshdj okay so i still think they should break up. but in my version there’s no ricky pulling an ej 1.0 and deleting comments off of nini’s insta, cause with ricky in art club and nini at north trying to figure out what she wants i think one of them would realize that they’re going in different directions and only got back tgt because they made each other feel safe cause what they had was familiar. this could be triggered by ricky mentioning smth abt nini at yac and then nini breaks down and tells him that she dropped out and is at north and doesn’t know where she’s going. and then they can both realize they aren’t good for each other rn and have a less tragic mutual break up.

honestly i really liked the scene of nini taking charge after miss jenn freaked out cause with the character detail of nini giving every person in the cast of productions she’s in a thank you note she just seems really like someone who is suited to lifting others up. this could still be explored at north, maybe she could help lily through her issues that were briefly implied in ep 11 and nini realizes she wants to be a drama teacher and encourage kids to go off book and put themselves into their acting, something she couldn’t have at yac.

okay now ej ,,, so like i said in ricky’s section, more bants between them cause i feel like friendships kinda fell by the wayside due to all the relationships so more friendship !!!! also the scene where ej tells his dad he’s not going to duke shouldn’t have been an ending scene, it should have been fleshed out with his dad pushing back saying how he pulled all these strings to get him in and ej saying he doesn’t wanna go if his own hard work couldn’t get him there. and also more scenes of ej doing av club things !!! and realizing he rlly likes film and wants to do it OMG IT WOULD BE SO COOL IF HE BROKE THE FOURTH WALL AND ASKED THE DOCUMENTARY CREW ABT THE FILM INDUSTRY god i would love that. the only scene we rlly got of ej doing film things was at the quinceañera which made me kinda sad. uhhh also i just wanted to specifically mention how ej got mr mazzara that job at cal tech bc it really showed how he wanted to be there for people not just for gina, who he had a crush on, but for mr mazzara who supported him outside of romance, so i wanna keep that for sure.

gina !!! okay so i mostly liked her arc in this season, the only changes i would make would be to flesh it out a teeny bit (god this hypothetical s2 would have to be like 22 eps at least shdjdjdjfj) anyways besides ashlyn singing home to get gina to stay i think there should be a scene where they actually talk in her room abt how gina feels safer when shes on the run (second chance reference ilysm) hhhh and also a scene of her and carlos actually working out compromises for their choreo cause i liked that bit of development too and fleshing that out would make gina an even better foil for lily, who felt a need to hog the spotlight like gina used to. with gina’s own arc fleshed out her character would feel more whole independently from romance and portwell would be even more rewarding than it is in the current s2. the only thing i would really change abt portwell is that they would kiss !!! in the finale but thats bc im biased.

ashlyn should have gotten a more fleshed out storyline about being insecure about not being a good enough belle or the typical belle. there were some throwaway lines when north did their typical dramatics but the only two real scenes that showed it were when ash talked to big red about it and when she was telling nini she wanted to do a run in “home” bc lily did it. ashlyn should get more screen time where she has to grapple with the reasons she doesn’t feel good enough and big red can still support her but also gina too bc i would like more roommate besties interaction.

kourtney could still date howie, that harry potter shit was cute but there needs to be smth else for kourtney’s arc. idk she’s still into fashion so maybe she could be out here trying to create her own line or smth? this doesn’t have to be resolved in s2 like making a wholeass line takes time and she could work on it into a potential s3. kourtney just didnt get much outside of howie and the stuff at the beginning of the season where she said nini inspired her to be independent and that's why she got a job was just dropped?? so i think that fashion could fill that for her if she’s still dating howie cause like having her whole arc just be the pizza place kinda overlaps w big red’s mini arc abt how he wasn’t settling for hospitality, its what he wants to do with his life.

ik what ur thinking. anna, even if you added more episodes, where would u find the room to add all these plotlines?? well first we cut (most of) the seblos fight, so thats some time saved. honestly most of the time that we r going to gain is going to be from cutting ms jenn’s time. things like ms jenn’s and nini’s car ride would get cut, but mostly all of ms jenn’s romances would get cut down. considering she’s the teacher and isn’t actually a character with an arc how does she have THREE love interests this season?? like all of the weird tension between her and zack can be cut, like just some short scenes of them being competitive can stay. all of the stuff with ricky’s dad can go bye bye we don’t need it. i did like her w mr mazzara so most of that can stay i just didn’t like how he said he would give up cal tech for her, ew no that would be gone.

the MENKIES !!!! this is the last thing im gonna address cause in a perfect world every character would get a long fleshed out arc but then the season would be waaay too long and also im mostly trying to work within material the show gave so this is mostly made up of “realistic” deviations from what actually happened. lol idk what that even means it just makes sense to me. but anyways!! uhhh bro idk i thought them dropping the menkies was funny but it also made the finale really BAD lmao. in this finale, seb is the beast, east still had to deal w the fact that they’re underfunded compared to north but no one is injured, lily is less of a poorly written character and maybe ppl are even rooting for her, and wow i just realized i never actually said what role i think nini should have in north’s show. OOH she could be student director instead of lily cause lily both being in the play while also directing was weird considering omg i just checked and according to her wiki page shes a FRESHMAN?? and they let her be student director? lol hell nah. okay so with all that in mind ,,, the menkies should have been the season cliffhanger instead of portwell. east and north should both be nominated, both schools perform at the menkies, and then the award winner is about to be announced and THATS when it cuts to natalie and the end of the season.

one, this actually gives more tension for a summer s3 as we would be waiting to see the consequences of whichever school won. also i bet people would be wondering if nini’s gonna be transferring back to east or staying at north. people would also prob wonder if ej would be getting the scholarship if east won and what that would mean for his interest in film.

lmao that got longggg and idk if anyone’s even gonna read this but it was fun to do :D

[dreaminginvelaris]

Hey babe!!

This is such a random question, but I was wondering if you think Nesta was more powerful than Rhys and/or Feyre? Because I always thought at least Rhys was more powerful, but lately I've been seeing all this stuff that has me second-guessing myself. I usually agree with your comments so I'd love your thoughts!

hiii anon <3

this is kinda a hard question to answer. i think nesta stole power from the cauldron and well…the cauldron created everything so thats pretty powerful. i think she wasnt as powerful as rhysand tho, maybe feyre. but then again its hard to rlly yk like examine this bc we never actually got to see nesta do something w her powers beside those few times she blasted ppl lol.

idk, the idea that nesta was the most powerful i feel like sometimes just stems from the fact that her powers were different and new, something rhys didn’t even know about and also considering her power was untamed it all added to the illusion that she was this all powerful being when really her power was just new and unchecked.

i guess im gonna say that rhysand was more powerful than nesta but nesta was more powerful than feyre.

now, nesta is most likely less powerful than feyre and rhys. but idk i guess this rlly is just a matter of peoples personal opinions unless sjm says otherwise.

i hope that answered your question :))

[shadyteacup]

Hi, I really have no clue how to puts words on my thoughts so ig I shall start by apologising I kinda have nobody to talk, I've read your writings for a while now and I always love them so it kinda ended up like a safe place even if that may sounds weird? I've been feeling really down, idk since when maybe 5 or 6 months or even more I don't really realise. My mind has been sm of a mess I don't know how to deal with it anymore I worry over deaths of beloved, insecurities, weird dreams or disturbing thoughts, studies, future and relationships or just interaction with others. I've always had to bottle up those feeling and this issues bc my parents(I'm a minor) always said seeing a psy was for weak or crazy people (ngl I wanted to punch them) so I didn't get any help. The only thing I'm holding to stay sain all seem to fly away, I can't get rid of the past and I'm scared of the future, where everyone would be deconnected and nothing would be real anymore. I know that's dumb and childish to worry over such things and it's like I keep walking to a wall my mind created and then one day I'll crash into it, lost the person I love the most, I will be all alone forever and nothing could fill me. Idk how to talk to other too, I end up cracking some jokes and make fun of what scares me bc i'm afraid of their reaction, they're gonna laugh at me and distanciate from me and I'll be all alone bc socialising with other hard .I've seriously asked myself if I should end my days, thinking it would be the only way to put my mind at ease, to fully relax and don't worry over a single thing. I want to see again those I've loved and still love. If I care for the whole world why don't anybody look up for me? I'm a coward so I can't even handle this by myself and take a decision alone but I acknowledge that so I'm not even ashamed anymore. There again I sincerely apologise for venting to u about my whole issues and on heavy subjects with a poor English and sm mistakes that I would feel ashamed to read what I just wrote.

At least I wish you a good day/night, that everything goes well for u and by the occasion I wanted to tell you how i love your writings and your blog is really amazing for me <3

Hi

I know I took long to answer this, and by now you've probably given up any hopes of getting an answer back

But it took so long because I was going through this too, and every time I tried answering, it ended up triggering me.

There was a time when I was suicidal myself.. idk if I should call it that, because I never acted on it, but yes, constant thoughts of wanting to off myself did flood my mind back then.

In fact, I felt that way exactly during the time period of receiving this ask, making it rlly hard for me to help u..

uk, in Hinduism, there's a saying that goes, "if you want to help others with something, practise it yourself first"

There's a whole story about how this God, who loved eating malai/makhan (sort of like cream, made from milk- but that's not the point), was approached by a mother, who asked him to help her son quit his own malai addiction. She wanted him to do something about her son's addiction. So He asked her to give him 10 days to solve the problem.

After said time, He came back to the duo, and simply said, "Stop eating so much malai, son, its not good for your health." to the son.

You know why He took 10 days? He tried to end his own addiction, first. Because in order to help others, you must help yourself first.

And, unfortunately, my 10 days aren't over yet. But every time I come across your ask in my inbox, I yearn to be able to do something about it. Because I want to help you, but im not qualified to do so.

Just remember that there are other people going through what you have gone through/ are going through, and that you are not alone.

Yes, maybe talking to a therapist might help you, but if your parents aren't allowing you to do so (ik, adults can be dumb about such things), search for therapists online. Im sure there are free consultations available online. Or even better, if your educational institute provides a student section, you can talk to them. I'm pretty sure most of the institutes today have a psy available for students to talk to. Make the most of it!

As for the suicidal thoughts, remember how valuable you are. Your life isn't a fickle thing to give up on so easily. In the end, you are your own strength and best friend. Talk to yourself, be kind to yourself, and most importantly, be truthful.

Wanna know how I overcame my intrusive thoughts? I talked to myself. Literally, I sat in front of a mirror and talked. At first, it felt a little weird, but you know, after a while, I found comfort in that. I became my own therapist, and helped myself out of it. This was tough, since due to the pandemic, everyone from my family was home, but I still managed to lock myself away in my room for some time. And I used to whisper, or talk softly so as to not let anyone know what im doing.

u n I were going through the same thing, but I hope its all in the past for you<3

again, im truly sorry that I couldn't muster up the courage to answer this earlier, and I hope this helps you.

and remember, I care about you, n so do your parents. they might say no to a therapist, but they care about you, and love you. You never know, maybe they themselves went though something similar earlier in their lives, but didn't know how to vent it out. Parent are sometimes grown ups who don't know how to perfectly handle a situation, so they do/say what they have been taught to do/say in such situations. Society can make seeking therapy a taboo, or a big deal, and maybe they don't know how to see beyond that. Don't hate them for it, but do remember to never make the same mistake when you grow up... I really do care for u, n truly love you, so pls, take care of urself