#like at this point i should just kms bc my life has been like this for at least 20 years

[purpurussy]

.

[professionaljester]

trying to cope with my crazy amounts of social isolation

[bruh-changbin]

sweet tooth

pairing: park jay x waitress!afab reader

genre: smut, minimal fluff (minors dni)

warnings: oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (be safe), public sex, creampie, finger sucking, minimal food play, lots of mentions of food, brief mention of male masturbation, jongseong is kind of a big desperate loser, lmk if i’m missing anything

word count: 6.7k

a/n: writing this killed me idk why it took fucking forever dawg. but hey, i’m finally giving you all an enha fic without a depressing ending!!! here’s a fun drinking game to play while you read this: take a shot every time jay says a variation of ‘uhhh’ (you will die) ALSOOOO this is for my bae’s @k-ingzo @lix-ables thank you guys for hyping me up to write this bc if you didn’t I’m 90% sure I would’ve scrapped it 😻 LOVE YAAAAA

waiting. 

the most painful game one can be subjected to.

seconds stretch into minutes stretch into hours and soon enough the whole concept of time is but a mere social construct that holds no real value. 

surely his coffee’s gone cold by now. 

the view from the window to his right has progressed from one filled with gold, yellow and orange to one filled with blue, black, and indigo. one by one the neon signs of nearby businesses have flickered on to attract the nighttime crowd. 

he tries to ignore the way his heart is sinking in his chest, much like the way he himself is sinking deeper and deeper into the red vinyl cushion of the booth he’s seated in. the overhead speakers have been blaring elvis for the past half hour and he wants to scream and smash a plate on the floor in frustration. if they play hound dog one more time i swear i’m gonna-

jennifer. 20. single. 2.3 km away. her bio read: only swipe right if you like puppies!!!!!

he does like puppies and found her to be quite pretty, so he did as he was instructed. his heart did a small flip in his chest when his phone screen lit up reading ‘it’s a match!’. he got to talking to her and things were going smoothly. well, at least he thought they were. now he’s alone in a booth constantly refreshing their online chat with some sliver of hope that she may still be coming. the same three messages stare back at him:

[5:17 pm] jay : hey! I got here a bit early so i’m just waiting in the car. let me know when you get here and we’ll go in together.

[6:03 pm] jay: it started getting busy so i snagged us a booth, i hope that’s ok… anyways, i’ll see you soon.

[6:49 pm] jay: hello?

whatever, her loss. fuck dating apps.

and fuck jake sim for making him sign up for one.

maybe tinder just isn’t for him. maybe he needs to find love the old fashion way: bumping into someone on the street; locking eyes across a crowded room; both of you reaching for the last bottle of wine at the grocery store and then just insisting that the other takes it. you know, the kind of shit you see in movies.

the only thing is he’s tried the old fashion way for years to no avail, with tinder being his last resort. things like these take time, he tries to remind himself. you can’t rush love, that’s the magic of it!

but now, seated in a booth at an obnoxiously retro themed diner with his head hung low, he has lost all faith in love. he picks up the porcelain mug to his right and downs the dark liquid; cold, just like his heart. 

he should just leave. i mean it’s obvious at this point that he’s been stood up so he should just head home where the teasing and nagging from jake that will bruise his ego even more is iminent. there comes a time in life where one must accept defeat and move on with-

“would you like a top up, sir?”

a sudden interjection from a saccharine voice to his left is what pulls him out of his trance of self pity. woah, hello you. 

it’s been a long time since he’s been rendered speechless, but you do that to him. you, looking like someone who should be on the cover of a magazine as opposed to serving coffee in a diner. a white button down hugs your torso in all the right ways and he’s envious of the red apron that’s tightly wrapped around your waist because that should be him. the blue ballpoint pen tucked behind your ear somehow makes you 10x more attractive and he can feel his throat close up at the sight of you. 

your skin looks smooth and your lips look plump and thank fuck jessica bailed on him because now all he can think about is bending you over this very table and fucking you raw. top up? more like top me, please!

the glint of the gold name tag pinned onto your shirt catches his eye and he reads it: y/n. pretty.

he notices your eyes shifting around anxiously and reality comes crashing down on him. stop drooling over her tits and answer the question you perv. focus!

“i u-uhhh yes, uh yes please that’d be great,” he stutters out embarrassingly, prompting you to bend over and refill his mug with steaming hot coffee from a pot that you hold with a perfectly manicured hand. 

“can i get you anything else while you…” your eyes dart to the empty seat across from where he’s seated, “wait?”

god this is so embarrassing. now the cute waitress thinks he’s a fucking loser who got stood up (that is exactly what happened). could this day get any worse? he was just about to leave, spare himself from more agony when you waltzed into his life and made his brain a complicated, frazzled mess. 

“uhmm no that’s ok,” he’s trying very hard not to trip over the simplest of words, “just the bill would be great.”

you nod, about to turn around and head over to the register when jay speaks up again in an attempt to preserve his image. 

“it was supposed to be a-a work meeting,” he starts while motioning to the still empty spot across from him, “but my uh….. business partner… couldn’t make it, so..”

he’s lying. you know he’s lying. someone waiting for their ‘business partner’ to show up wouldn’t be checking their phone every 1-3 minutes while intermittently wiping their clammy palms on their slacks every time the doorbell jingles and a new customer enters.

but he doesn’t need to know that, so you paint on an understanding smile before heading over to the diner counter, sparing him one final glance over your shoulder.

it’s a sad sight to see; a handsome boy patiently waiting for someone who’s clearly not going to show up. so you bring him a slice of red velvet cake dolled up with cream cheese icing and waive the two cups of coffee that were tacked onto his bill for the evening.

“it’s on the house,” you practically whisper into his ear while placing a comforting hand on his sturdy shoulder.

“oh!” his voice cracks, “t-thank you so much i-” he calls, but you’re already walking away to assist another table.

his hand instinctively reaches to where yours was placed on his shoulder only moments ago. he could sense the warmth radiating from your palm, feel the stray hairs of your bangs tickle his ear, smell the artificial strawberry scent of your lip gloss. 

either someone decided to crank the heat up in the diner or he’s becoming extremely flustered (it’s the second one). he scoffs down the cake you left him with flushed cheeks and tight pants, visions of himself prying your legs open and indulging in something sweeter plaguing his mind. 

with a hefty sigh he throws on his coat before making his way out of the diner and into his car that’s parked right out front. from behind his windshield he watches as you greet a group of other customers before turning his keys in the ignition and peeling out of the parking lot.

he doesn’t even make it home before he’s pulling into an empty parking lot and jerking himself to the thought of you and your work uniform and your glossed lips.

covet. desire. yearn for. crave.

all very real tertiary emotions that park jay would use to describe his current feelings towards you - a server who he spoke to for two minutes max and now can’t seem to move on from.

unsurprisingly, jake teased the fuck out of him for getting stood up in the way that friends do. but he doesn’t know that jay views his failed date as a complete success. 

albeit he is still mildly salty over the fact that he got stood up, all negativity is washed from his brain the moment he pulls into the familiar parking lot in front of the familiar diner and he feels the familiar pitter patter of his heart quickening its pace from behind his ribcage. 

he tried to hold off on returning the literal day after he was just there, he really did, but he simply couldn’t bear it. the urge to see you, to observe you interacting with other patrons to know if you’re nice to everyone or if he got special treatment is too strong to ignore. it’s for science! he assures himself.

the dulcet jingle of the bell as he opens the door to the diner rings in his ears, and he waits to be seated. the hostess that shows him to a booth similar to the one he was in yesterday is pretty, but she’s not you. only then does jay realize that the possibility of you not having been scheduled to work today is very real. this is only worsened by the fact that he decided to come in the late morning today as opposed to the evening like yesterday. stupid, stupid, stupid!!!

while feeling like a complete and utter idiot he decides to get to work, whipping out his journal, writing utensils and laptop for the sake of not looking like a weirdo. what kind of person goes to a diner and just…. sits there. he’s gotta keep up a facade. 

things are starting to look grim for jay as he sits and works and waits for the object of his desire to appear in front of him. while the retro cat clock on the wall continues its relentless ticking he attempts to swallow down his dismay. 

alas, the universe must be on his side after all for soon enough he catches a glimpse of you through his peripherals. yes! you seem to be a little frazzled, gnawing on the inside of your cheek before grabbing a mop to clean up the chocolate milk that a toddler has decided to decorate the floor with; your shift must have just started. 

he keeps his head hung low while intermittently scribbling in his journal or scrolling on his laptop, opting to steal an occasional glance as you assist a plethora of other patrons. the coffee he was served upon his arrival is starting to go tepid, much like yesterday, and he’s practically praying you’ll soon stride over and ask if he needs a top up. 

“more coffee…” you pause briefly, “jay?”

hold up, how’d you learn his name? 

his brow quirks upwards in confusion and with your hand - the one that’s not holding a boiling pot of coffee - you point to his leather bound journal that’s splayed across the table, opened to the first page. property of park jay is scrawled across the top in his sloppy handwriting akin to that of a first graders. he’s surprised you can even distinguish what it says to be completely honest. 

“ahhh,” he remarks in understanding, smiling ever so slightly because hey, now you know each others names. that’s a step in the right direction.

“were you looking to order something? you know, other than black coffee.”

as if on cue his stomach growls (luckily quietly enough for you to not pick up on it) and he fumbles for the plastic covered menu to his right that slips and slides in his sweaty grasp. 

“i would love to but uhh, i’m not sure what i’m in the mood for… what do you recommend?”

you roll his question around in your head for a moment, “were you thinking sweet or savoury? or if you want both, we make a pretty mean monte cristo.”

at this point if you told jay to walk off a cliff he would do it, so he orders your recommendation without hesitation.

“good call,” you purr before waltzing away from his booth and into the kitchen, leaving jay to erupt in a fit of goosebumps on his own. 

while he waits he busies himself with reading an article on his laptop, getting halfway through before realizing he hasn’t actually been taking any information in the entire time. but can you blame him? his brain is… preoccupied with other thoughts. 

soon enough you’re striding back over to where he’s seated, placing a steaming monte cristo with so much confectioner's sugar on top it looks as if there’s been a mini avalanche in front of him. he thanks you and is about to dig in before he realizes you aren’t leaving. 

“is your business partner coming today?”

…what?

“my business partner? i don’t- OH! fuck, uh y-yes my business partner right! uh no, no he’s not coming today. i usually come here to work on my own though.”

for a moment he forgot about the blatant lie he spilled to you the last time he was here to save face, but he thinks he saved himself with that last bit. 

a playful yet triumphant smirk makes its way onto your face, “that’s funny, i’ve never seen you here before yesterday.”

his eyes widen and his palms become impossibly sweaty. caught in a lie, great.

before he can come up with a witty response you just shoot him a knowing look as you walk away from the booth he’s seated in, your strawberry body spray wafting behind you and infiltrating his senses, rendering him immobile. 

ugh how you make his teeth ache! he longs to douse you in syrup and powdered sugar, drag his hot tongue across your skin as you squirm and twist in pleasure underneath him. he’s sure you’d be sweet enough to give him a cavity. he finishes his monte cristo with gusto and attempts to do more work on his laptop but finds his brain to be far too frazzled to do so.

when he decides to call it quits, he leaves you a hefty tip before driving home with the taste of sugar coating his lips and the inside of his mouth.

over the span of a few weeks the two of you become accustomed to a game similar to the likes of cat and mouse.

he shows up to the diner in the late morning/early afternoon and prays that you’re scheduled for a shift; you usually are. through the course of a few hours jay manages to get minimal amounts of work done while you check on him occasionally, offering your opinions on different menu items and then placing a hand on his shoulder with a laugh when he trips over his words. 

he’s sure you can sense the tension as well, but in case you can’t he keeps his thoughts to himself. you could just be doing your job for all he knows. 

nevertheless, it feels as if all aspects of jay’s life now revolve around you. when he falls asleep at night you’re the last thing on his mind and when he wakes up you’re the first. when he gets himself off he has to think of you or else he won’t feel satisfied, and he can only hope and pray that one day he’ll be able to feel your body against his, the warmth radiating from your body making him feel like a cake in an oven. 

sure he’d love to take you out, shower you with gifts and spoil you by taking you to expensive places that would surely break the bank, but he just can’t seem to push away all of the hardly appropriate thoughts and feelings he harbours towards you. it’s becoming quite an issue, honestly.

he thinks of popping the buttons on your blouse open one by one before diving in, scattering bite marks and bruises across your tits and neck and collarbones as you writhe and plead underneath him. i need more jay, please give it to me…

god you would sound so perfect.

his fantasies don’t stop there though; they never do. he can’t help himself from imagining what it'd be like to reach up your skirt and peel your panties down your legs as if they’re strands of red licorice. he’d go so slow, taunting and teasing you before slipping himself inside of you and feeling your cunt suck him in as if you crave him like oxygen. 

you smell of strawberries and he’s sure you taste like them too. the stripper red polish on your nails would pair so well with the scratches he’s sure you’d leave across the expanse of his back and shoulders. he longs to dig his teeth into your plush thighs like they’re mochi, snapping a picture of his bite mark embedded in your perfect skin to save for later use. 

down bad is an understatement when it comes to jay’s desire for you. infatuation is more like it.

today starts off like every other day. the smell of burnt coffee is what pulls him from his slumbers, and the clock on his bedside table tells him he managed to sleep in until one in the afternoon. when he trudges into the kitchen he sees his roommate and friend jake, who likely also just woke up and still doesn’t understand how to properly operate a coffee machine, staring at his phone. 

it’s then that jake reminds him of the plans they made to spend the afternoon at their friends house playing video games before grabbing takeout for dinner. jay curses his past self for agreeing to these dumb plans with his dumb friends since he was planning on heading to the diner today to marvel at his favourite waitress! oh well, he can still head over for an hour and a half at most before he has to return and uphold the prior promise he made. 

he turns down jake’s offer of a cup of coffee and, after a quick shower, he’s flying out the door.

when he finally makes it to the place where he spends most of his days now he doesn’t even wait to be seated, just slips into the same booth as always and waits for you. the little ritual the two of you have fallen into now so ingrained into his brain he can’t imagine straying from it. alas, it’s decently busy today so he busies himself by scrolling through his instagram feed while waiting for you to grace him with your presence.

when you finally appear in front of him you don’t say anything, just shoot him your usual friendly smile while precariously placing a napkin and mug of black coffee in front of him before leaving as quickly as you came. this sends jay into an emotional spiral. oh god, did i do something wrong? he ponders to himself, brows furrowed as he tries to remember everything he said to you during your last interaction that could have potentially been misconstrued.

only then does he notice the blue ink poking out from the napkin tucked underneath his steaming mug of coffee. with shaky hands he pulls it out and reads the short message written in your refined penmanship:

my shift is done at 10:00 pm.

wait for me? :)

y/n

and just below your neat scrawl he can make out a sticky lip gloss print, a faint hint of the fake strawberry scent that plagues his mind day and night still lingering. 

in this moment he should be happy, ecstatic, victorious even! his constant and obsequious devotion to you has not gone unnoticed, and at long last he’ll be alone with you in a place that doesn’t have checkered tile floors and posters of pin ups on every square inch of the teal coloured walls. but no, all he feels is embarrassment.

embarrassment because he was too much of a wiener to actually do something so you felt the need to take matters into your own hands. and embarrassment because your little napkin love letter signed off with your glossy kiss is making him excruciatingly horny. it’s like he’s in highschool all over again - yikes. 

he glances at the face of the silver watch that he scarcely takes off, the leather wrist strap now feeling uncomfortably tight considering his recent spike in blood pressure. with some reluctance he decides to leave early, tucking your napkin note into his pocket before driving home while barely focusing on the road and cars in front of him.

the hangout with jake and the rest of his friends is excruciating as expected. time seems to both fly by and drag on simultaneously, and he watches the hands on his watch tick down the hours, minutes, seconds until he can finally be with you - alone. when jake finally throws the towel in jay all but runs out of the door, speeding down the now far emptier city streets before pulling into the dining parking lot and waiting (he’s 23 minutes early).

with every passing minute his heart rate quickens and, when the time reads 10:06 pm, he thinks he’s going to faint when he sees you exit your place of work and scan the parking lot briefly before making your way over to his car. the sound of his passenger side door opening feels far off as he tries to make sense of the fact that you are about to be in his car, right beside him. what the fuck.

“hi.”

“hi.”

“i like your car.”

“oh, you do?”

“yep. it suits you.”

“really?”

you only nod at this, flashing him a subtle grin before flipping down the sun visor in front of you to tidy up your appearance after a long and tiring shift (he still thinks you look pretty). it feels as if his fingers aren’t his own as he fiddles with the radio while gazing at you through his peripherals, watching as you rub the smudged mascara from underneath your eyes before applying a final coat of the lip gloss that he loves oh so much. how on earth is he going to last longer than 5 minutes without falling at your feet?

“sooo what do you wanna do?” jay questions, unsure if his eagerness to hear your response is because he’s genuinely curious or because he just likes the sound of your voice.

“you choose, take me anywhere,” you offer with a smile, “surprise me!”

“okay!” he responds, narrowly escaping a voice crack as he shifts his car into reverse.. he has just the place in mind. 

the drive is somewhat of a lengthy one, although you don’t seem to mind. it’s warm enough to have the windows down, and jay greedily gulps down deep breaths of the fresh night air. from your spot in the passenger seat you ramble about your day at the diner, complaining about an old man who held the ketchup bottle the wrong way and promptly squirted it all over you when you came to ask how he was doing. despite all, you still manage to have a positive attitude. 

soon enough he’s pulling off of the main road into an opening surrounded by woods, killing the engine and the car lights and opting to bask in the natural glow of the night sky. 

“wow jay, way to be subtle.”

“what!!?”

“what do you mean what? you bring me to the city’s unofficial official makeout spot and expect me to not be skeptical?”

fuck. for the entirety of the drive over he was hoping that you wouldn’t know about the promiscuous reputation this spot has garnered over the years. he can’t give up this quickly though, he must play innocent!

“i- woahh, is that what this place is? i genuinely had no idea i just-”

“shut it jay, the first thing i noticed about you was that you’re a terrible liar.”

you’ve got him there, deception is not his strong suit. he’s about to explain himself when he notices you unbuckling your seatbelt and stepping out of his car, prompting him to do the same.

“i just thought it would be a nice, secluded space where we could talk and hang out… nothing more.”

silence settles over the two of you and, upon noting jay’s queasy expression, you decide to indulge yourself and tease him (just a little bit).

“what are you trying to say?” you bat your eyelashes and fake being in thought, “that you don’t wanna fuck me on the hood of your car?”

he chokes on his saliva. 

“w-what i’m trying to say is that i’m a uhhhh gentleman. i’m a gentleman.”

yeah right, you think to yourself. a gentleman and a major fucking hypocrite. 

“okay jay, if you’re such a gentleman then why do you have a raging hard-on from literally just talking to me?”

in the pale moonlight you see his eyes widen before he scrambles to cover his crotch, not doing much to conceal his erection that’s straining against his slacks. 

“oh god i’m so sorry i can explain uhh-”

“i’m just fucking with you,” you taunt before petting his hair affectionately, attempting to quieten your giggles while jay plasters on a fake smile even though he looks like he’s about to puke. in an attempt to garner the little composure he has left he turns away from you, the cool night air soothing his heated cheeks. 

from where he’s standing he’s granted an overarching view of the city he calls home. against the nighttime sky he can decipher the suburbs, the downtown area, the cafe district. upon each building there’s a small rectangle filled with yellow or white light, windows in which individual people are carrying out their individual lives; it makes everything seem so… miniscule. i mean, aside from you, nobody even knows he’s up here - and he’s still trying to decipher if that’s a good thing or not, seeing as tonight all he’s done is embarrass himself. 

when he looks back you’re leaning against the hood of his car, your arms folded across your chest which sequentially shoves your tits together in a way that makes him wanna plunge his face in between them and give you a good old fashioned motorboat. 

his thoughts are cut off when you speak up.

 “i brought you something,” you announce before turning and opening the passenger side door of jay’s car, trifling around in your before before pulling something out and heading back to where you were standing before, leaning against the hood of his car. in your hands is a toppled over piece of red velvet cake protected by a clear plastic takeout container coupled with two disposable forks. 

“sorry it’s kinda smushed…. i forgot about it.”

“no, that’s ok!” jay thinks you shouldn’t have to apologize for anything ever, “thank you.”

with a crisp pop you open up the container, moving it to sit in between the two of you before passing jay one of the flimsy plastic forks. he lets you take the first bite, stating that after a long shift you need to get your blood sugar back up. you laugh before complying, watching as jay takes a bite right after you do, his eyes rolling back as all of the sweet, rich flavours dance across his taste buds. despite the piece of cake not being in the best condition, it still tastes like heaven.

jay’s caught off guard when your hand suddenly swoops in just as he’s about to spear another piece of cake with his fork, collecting a dollop of icing on one of your nails. he should’ve seen it coming when you reach up and wipe it on the tip of his nose with a playful laugh.

“wow y/n, so original,” he sneers while wiping the cream cheese icing on his nose onto the back of his hand. 

he attempts to do the same to you, dipping his finger in the thick frosting before moving to wipe it on the tip of your nose, but you suddenly latch onto his wrist. he watches with hungry eyes and an erratic pulse as your tongue comes in contact with his knuckle, licking all the way up to his icing-coated fingertip before taking his digit inside your mouth. the thick muscle of your tongue wraps around his finger, sucking away the sweetness before you pull yourself off of him. a faint pink ring of lip gloss on the base of his knuckle now present. 

fuck me.

not a single word is exchanged before jay pushes himself onto you, prompting you to lean back against the hood of his car that’s still slightly warm. with your body weight resting on your elbows and your legs spreading to accommodate jay’s torso, you finally let him taste you. 

your lips are soft and warm like a pastry fresh out of the oven, and when he pulls away he heaves a heavenly sigh filled with pleasure and contentment and thank fuck this is finally happening. it’s not long before you’re pressing your lips to jay’s again, one of your hands moving up to caress the shell of his ear before resting against his face.

you can feel his jaw move against your palm when he opens his mouth and drags his tongue across your sugar coated lips, inducing you to do the same. when his tongue pushes past your teeth and brushes against yours you groan in pleasure, the fingers previously gracing his face dipping down to undo several buttons of your work shirt. with his lips against yours and his tongue down your throat you can feel him giving into you, as if you’re a delectable piece of his favourite candy and he has a raging sweet tooth. 

when jay pulls himself off of you you think you might just cry. luckily you don’t go without his touch for long, for when you open your eyes you watch him dip two fingers into the frosting on top of the forgotten slice of cake before smearing it across the exposed flesh of your tits and down your sternum. he promptly shoves the two frosting coating fingers into your gaping mouth, gazing at you with heart eyes as you suck them clean. 

only then does he dip his head down, the tip of his tongue teasing the sensitive skin of your right breast before licking the stripe of icing off with one broad swipe of his tongue. he gives your other breast the same treatment before giving it teasing nips and kisses, using his tongue to soothe the pinch of his canines. 

once he licks the rest of the frosting from your sternum he continues his descent, not stopping until the insides of your thighs are brushing against his pierced ears. in one swift movement he flips your skirt upwards, your pretty panties with a subtle wet patch now on display for him and only him.

not being able to resist seeing your bare cunt in all of its glory, jay eagerly digs two fingers into the waistband before dragging the fabric down your legs. your lacy pink thong gets all twisted and tangled around your ankles as jay struggles to pull it off, eventually managing to get it around your sneakers before tucking it into his pocket for safe keeping. 

he feels his pants grow impossibly tights as he stares at you on the hood of your car with your legs spread, quite literally something that could’ve been torn right out of a playboy. without missing a beat jay dives into you, flattening his thick tongue and licking you like he would a dripping ice cream cone. it catches you by surprise and you instinctively tangle your fingers in his ebony tresses, a needy moan making its way past your lips and into the air. jay uses the tip of his tongue to explore your needy pussy, lapping up your juices and revelling in the taste on his tongue. i could die like this he thinks, and he digs his blunt nails into your thighs while shoving his head impossibly deeper. 

it’s somewhat sloppy, but what he lacks in technique he makes up for in enthusiasm. it feels like he’s practically making out with your cunt and you can’t help yourself from tugging on his hair in approval. the groans he emits in response have you shuddering, the vibrations causing your legs to shake and tremble as you struggle to keep them pried open. in your lower abdomen you can feel the pressure of an impending orgasm begin to brew.

this sensation only doubles when jay shifts his focus to your clit, sucking on and toying with it like it’s a sugar-covered gumdrop. his actions have you arching your back off of the hood of his car, eyes squeezing shut as you cry and plead, “p-please don’t stop jay… never stop.”

your pleas boost jay’s ego to the max and he eats you out with unrestrained passion, alternating between sucking your clit and tonguing your hole until you finish all over his mouth with a canorous cry that reverberates between his ears. he hopes to never forget that sound.

with reluctance he pulls himself off of your sweet pussy, having to push your legs apart slightly to free himself from the way they were clenching around his head. he stares at you in awe as you bask in the post-orgasm sensation, mouth agape and chest heaving faintly. your eyes, when you finally pry them open, are slightly glassy and it looks like it takes you a second to come back to earth. 

your grip on jay’s hair loosened but you never fully let go, and soon enough he feels you tugging at his roots in an attempt to get him to hover over you once again. without hesitation you press your lips to his once again, tasting yourself in and on his mouth as you kiss him until you can’t breathe. 

his curious hands never stay resting in one spot on your body for longer than a second before he’s exploring somewhere else, his mouth making a path from your lips down to your jaw and neck. the tips of his fingers finally stop when they reach your hips, gripping onto your and flipping you over so your chest is against jay’s car and your ass is up in the air. 

he can’t help himself from ogling at your perfect form all splayed out for him. the curve of your ass is to die for and jay starts subconsciously unbuckling his belt, easing the strain of his pants against his painfully hard dick. 

from your spot on top of the car you begin to grow impatient. your tits are smushed and your neck is craned and even though you just came you’re already ready for another one if it means you get to feel jay filling you up like a cream puff. luckily, you soon feel the tip of jay’s cock dragging through your folds, your still-sensitive clit throbbing slightly when he bumps into it. the sound of jay spitting into his palm joins that of the crickets and your erratic breathing, soon replaced by his sighs of delight as he strokes his cock with his spit covered hand to help lube it up. 

you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in when you finally feel him prod your entrance with his tip, although you can sense some hesitancy. it’s not surprising when the silence is broken by jay asking: “...are you ready?”

he feels his chest tighten when you make a noise of approval followed by a meek nod, your starry eyes glancing back at him as much as you can in this particular position. with a hefty exhale he nods back before slowly starting to sink into you, a low groan making its way out of his chest as he pushes deeper and deeper until his hips are flush with your ass. 

once fully inside of you he remains stagnant for a moment, needing to adjust to how incredibly warm and tight you feel if he wants to last longer than three seconds. soon enough he feels he’s garnered enough collectedness to start moving, so he does. 

his movements are small, almost timid at first. like he’s testing the waters, garnering enough confidence to go harder, faster. your hushed whimpers of pleasure ring in his ears and he teasingly rolls his hips in an attempt to have you feel him impossibly deeper inside of you. 

“j-jay!” you cry when he seemingly bumps your g-spot with the tip of his cock, the muscles of your waist tensing up when he does. wanting to provide you as much pleasure as possible he continues his ministrations, not altering them in any way out of fear of doing something wrong. 

jay feels his stomach start to seize up as a pleasurable burn takes hold in his lower stomach, his vision blurring slightly at the edges as he shifts between groaning aloud and biting his lip so hard he’s worried he’ll break the skin and draw blood. with exercised caution he picks up the pace, ensuring that in this moment you’re still feeling as good as he is. 

his cock slips in and out of your desperate, dripping hole with ease, your hips banging against the unyielding metal hood of his car with each and every thrust. it’s hardly comfortable, but at this moment in time you think you’d rather die than have jay stop - so you persevere. 

“god you’re so good jay, so fucking big,” you praise as you feel your second orgasm of the night approaching steadily. most of your limbs have started to go numb from the position you’re in yet you can feel each and every nerve end slowly begin to burn up, to bring you closer and closer to release. when jay reaches down to toy with your aching clit, you’re done for. 

the slight ache from the way your cunt is stretched around his cock adds to the jolting sensations that come every time he bumps your clit has you so close, so close you can taste the sweet promise of an orgasm dancing on the tip of your tongue. jay feels it too, for he throws all inhibitions to the wind and fucks you from behind with no restraint. 

he can feel his release creep up his spine and spread through all of his limbs until it’s all he can see, taste, and feel. groans continue to spill past his lips as white hot light floods his senses and a blinding orgasm washes over him, which is only strengthened by the sensation of your pussy clenching around his cock as you finish underneath him. he cums inside of your wanting cunt, filling it up to the brim before collapsing on top of you with a grunt. 

seconds turn into minutes and the two of you remain in place, breaths and pulses struggling to return to normal as you come down from an intense high. jay can feel his shirt clinging to his sweaty back, and he scrambles off of you when he realizes he was quite literally resting all of his weight on you.

with a helping hand he helps you sit up, chuckling slightly when your knees turn to jello when you try to stand up. so, you opt to stay seated on the hood of jay’s car for just a few more moments, patting the spot beside you to get him to sit down. you’re sure you look like a mess, but jay gazes at you with something that can only be described as awe.

smitten. captivated. enraptured. allured. 

the pale light of the moon casts a heavenly glow across your face, and he kisses your lips like they’re covered in strawberry syrup. 

a/n: tumblr’s editing system is the biggest piece of garbage i am so sorry if there are any weird glitches or anything but i am literally seconds away from whipping my laptop at the wall out of frustration as i edit this so pls lmk if anything looks weird when this posts lawl thank you

[drdemonprince]

I have Borderline personality disorder and deal with chronic suicidal ideation. up to 10% of us *will* die by suicide. not *might* or *are more likely to.* *will.* which is 50 times greater than the general populace. it's hard to talk about and even harder to deal with bc it's such a heavy topic. the best thing, I think, is to just listen to somebody who is suicidal. let them talk about it. don't offer solutions, none of that "you have so much to live for" shit. the best thing you can say is "I understand how you feel." yeah I might think about suicide every day, but that doesn't mean I'll just suddenly pop and kms. suicides are largely decided within half an hour, and even more are decided within minutes. help a suicidal person feel grounded, let them know that you respect their decision should they follow through. they know that it's not the only way.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, anon. I would caution you very strongly to not take psychiatry's profoundly flawed and biased statistics as a predictive declaration of your fate, however.

*Will* makes it sound unchangeable no matter a BPDer's circumstances -- and given that psychiatry already operates out of the stereotype that BPDers are "incurable" (and therefore not worth much effort in helping), it's subject to a ton of bias. statistically, we can't actually say that a person "will" die of something like suicide with any certainty, as it's not a simple progressive illness like a cancer or something. suicide risk is dynamic and influenced by a person's social support, relationship dynamics, financial situation, whether they're on medications that exacerbate or help things, their trauma recovery, all kinds of things that *are* mutable.

Psychologists and psychiatrist are taught downright cruel things about people with BPD -- i've been in those programs, i've heard things that have shocked me -- and it leads to profound isolation, internalized stigma, and sometimes unnecessary death. many providers give up on ya'll or make things worse for you when they have no right to do that, and they're taught that it's the most yall deserve. that's part of why the suicide risk for BPDers is so consistent.

A person ought to have the freedom to choose death and preventing all suicides is not a respectful goal. I am a harm reductionist and supporter of body autonomy to the maximum. my point here is that when psychiatry says you and people like you "will" die by suicide 10% of the time, what they mean is that that's the general trend they have observed, and they have decided that because of their (bigoted, hateful, scientifically unsupported) belief that yall can never feel better that it's a loss they are okay with accepting.

Anyone who has heard nothing but negative things about BPD I would strong recommend pick up a copy of the book Psychiatric Hegemony.

Sorry for the aside and the rant, but I really want to make that reality exactingly clear. Living with suicide ideation doesn't mean a person can't have a worthwhile life, or that their existence wasn't meaningful and important however long or short that it was.

[bluehwale]

Do u have any ateez angst fic recommendations with no happy endings cause I’m having trouble finding some and I just want to cry and be hurt for some reason ⁉️⁉️

hi anon!! i just realized that atinyblr is kinda deprived of angst fics with no happy endings bcs im actlly struggling rn but here's a list i came up with:

ateez fics that made me go ✌(TεT) at my vanity mirror

note. my asks are always open for angsty or any atz fic recs!! i'll be waiting

subtle variations of heartbreak — by @nonclassyparty

... ateez x fem! reader | status: completed ...

college au, high school au, lovers to exes, unrequited love, friends with benefits, Angst with a capital a, smut, fluff.

this has been in my tbr for a very long while (which reminds me,,, i really need to read it) but an irl recommended this to me and said, "i hate men brb kms." (her words, not mine) and i trust her judgement with my life so i know that this will absolutely tear ur heart into two :-D

also,,, i have read a few chapters of starring role also by nonclassyparty and let me tell u this author's angst hits different LIKE im pretty sure i felt smth close to a heartburn when i read them (10/10 experience would recommend)

SHE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT [part one] [part one and a half] — by @thelargefrye

... poly! ateez with yunho centric x idol! f! reader | total wc: 2.3k ...

idol au, angst, hurt / no comfort, fluff on part one and a half only.

i will eat up any fic where the mc gets into arguments/ fights with a member to the point where they're torn between listening to their lover or their pride

then they finally end up listening to their pride and the silent treatment sTARTS AND IT SEEMS LIKE THERE'S NO WAY TO FIX THINGS—

yes i have raging issues (pls read this fic)

the alliance — by @wordstro

... villain! wooyoung x gn! hero! reader | status: completed ...

hero/villain au, angst

i honestly can't recall whether this series has a happy ending or not bcs it's one of the first fics i read in atinyblr BUT i know it's angsty af

the reader is a hero in a team with a few other hero! ateez members as well but there's the remaining members who are villains

and they </33 fight against each other </333 even though they used to be cLose friends </33 or even lovers </33

you should just check out this author's ateez masterlist bc im pretty sure they hv a number of angst fics ++ their writing perfectly capture emotions (you can deadass feel it through the screen)

Memento mori — by @jaehunnyy

... soulmate! seonghwa x gn! reader | wc: 1k ...

soulmate au, severe angst, main character death.

soulmate au sniffles with a main character death sNiffles

u can never look at pink hwa the same way after reading this fic CONSIDER THIS A WARNING

chip is such an amazing author and this one hurteD (im charging my therapy bills to your card!!!!!)

but anyways, that is it for the very short rec list!!! these are just some fics at the top of my head rn so pls pls send in some angst fic recs bcs i need them xx

[szayelapowo]

fuck i know what i am now i finally figured it out

originally i thought i was a hellhound that tried to escape hell and was punished by being born into this sick diseased human body, but that never felt quite right. or at least not the first part. the second part is sort of right though.

what i actually am is a rogue church grim. i was a normal dog at first. i had an owner but he betrayed me by burying me alive in a newly built graveyard. then after i became a ghost i found out what happened and that i would be forced to protect the humans that were buried there after me and i was pissed. i thought my owner cared about me. i thought i could trust humans but i was wrong so i decided i wasnt gonna do what they wanted. why should i be forced to guard humans after what they did to me?

my memories are still pretty hazy and theres a several hundred year gap between when that wouldve happened and when i was born into this existence but i remember being stuck and miserable there for a while. i had another owner at some point though. like an evil thing, not human. i could shapeshift into a red dragon and white cat (and maybe other things?) for some reason too. what i think happened was the evil thing gave me that power and freed me from being bound to the cemetery, but in exchange for that freedom and power i had to agree to eventually be reborn as a severely disabled human (as punishment for the intense hatred i had of them).

idk what will happen after i die again. ig probably ill go to hell. was it worth it? idk but at least i got to meet szay, so yeah ig maybe it was. i just hope i can stay with him after bc hes my owner now and always will be.

but it all makes too much sense.

a) why i havent died yet despite the ridiculous amount of diseases i have. its because im not allowed to die, my punishment hasnt ended yet. i guess it wont end even when my body finally gives out since my hatred and negativity are only getting stronger the more pain and trauma i experience. i was born a month early and almost died at three days old. i should have, the doctors said i would likely have brain damage (i do). only reason i survived was because i hadnt fulfilled the agreement with the evil thing yet.

b) why i hate humans and never trusted them. i know there are good ones out there but how would i know which ones they are when the one i thought was good fucking murdered me? so i just dont allow anyone to get too close because how do i know they wont do it again? i cant trust anyone.

c) why im obsessed with the idea of being someones pet, of having an owner (szay now). because thats how it was before the pain started, when i felt loved. and then again after that, but that was a more negative experience.

d) why i refuse to take orders from anyone except my owner/mate (szay). why i get so pissed off, violent, and suicidal whenever someone tries to tell me i "have to" do anything, especially cops or the government. id literally rather die again than be forced to do what they want just because they say so. they have no right to make me do anything. if they threaten me with imprisonment for refusing then ill just kms out of spite. fuck them all, theyre not my owners. only szay has that kind of authority over me.

e) why ive had nightmares since i was a toddler (maybe before that but i dont remember anything from this life before age 2-3) of humans trying to kill me and turning into a black dog or red dragon to either defend myself or escape.

ive also always had a natural instinct to growl and bite when humans look at me or get too close. even as a toddler, before the abuse and trauma started (or before i perceived it as that and it started affecting me emotionally anyway).

ive always been able to feel my claws, fangs, ears, tail, and fur, (and rarely wings) and my joints always hurt because theyre in the wrong places, (and my buttcrack constantly aches because my tail aint there gdi) but the feelings get more intense when im scared or pissed. i itch and feel invisible bugs on me all the time too, probably fleas? my guts always hurt too either because theyre built wrong or because im not supposed to be able to eat human food (but you can take my chocolate away from me when i die for good lmao)

that last part (the phantom body parts, pain, and bugs) i guess is probably hallucinations from being schizospec, but everything else is real. i know its not a delusion, its just what i was before this existence.

...this post is a mess im sorry. there was more i wanted to say but i forgot. the pain in my intestines and joints is getting bad again. ugh.

[themidnightcleric]

depersonalization/identity

idk man I could have been a theatre kid or a band kid or done photography club, or gotten into languages or been in dance corp or tried out for basketball or even hung out with the punks and gotten into hard drugs or I could have stayed Catholic and righteous and found a husband and pumped out a million babies before kms or found the gays and gotten into drag and had found family or became a nature nerd and gone to birding summer camp and joined fish n game or even gotten some loser boyfriend but I just .....sort of kept to myself in my room in the suburbs with intermissions of hiking or going out with friends who never felt like real friends

and it feels like my life has been this endless blank placeholder space of non belonging like I didn't even get heavy into video games or fanfic or drawing anime?????

I didn't do anything??????? besides read articles online and journal.

like I don't know how to reconcile the amount of alienation I feel from the entirety of humanity bc my entire life up til now has been eaten by severe demotivated depression and indecision/confusion I want to leave behind

like who just....doesnt do anything and hides like that? was it because I was homeschooled? am I coward? was it the autism? the emotional disturbance? dysphoria? am I narcissist?

I feel so incredibly broken and worried there's no way out now. I have to find something to do, some group to join. I mean I collected calendars for a bit and did ballet and basketball and hyperfocused on being a good Catholic but at the crucial point of every commitment I just stopped wanting to do it. I lose track of friends. No one feels quite real, or if they do I am terrified of letting them close enough to see that I'm just faking my humanity.

that's why the PDA label means something to me, the demand avoidance gives a name to the gaping question mark of WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

I feel inhuman and underdeveloped and scared of being alone forever. I don't know how to get past this insecurity and avoidance. Covid and automommune flares make it worse w brain fog. Like I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT EVER. no I don't know the fucking Pokemon. No I don't remember high school. no I don't have a career. No I have never had a normal fun relationship, it's all been toxic or a fling.

I don't even really talk to my family. What do you say? Hi mom I don't even have a drug addiction I'm just floating again?

like I have lived in a nowhere dead zone of human existence for two decades. I don't exist. I wrote poetry comparing myself to Pluto, or calling myself an eraser. it was cringe and it remains cringe. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to become a person and make decisions. The only thing that's been consistent for my lifetime is heavy depression, and a dogged optimistic magical thinking that someday my life would just change, and begin, and I'd be someone with something to offer the world.

That's why I'm codependent. Trying to help or fix others is my addiction and the thing that brought me back to existence. Oh and scrolling online.

Giving that up, and trying to start my own life, I'm lost. I feel like my soul has been underwater somewhere on another planet.

Maybe I've conflated belonging with existing..that feels like a human thing to do. maybe the most human thing about me is the desire to belong even if it never worked out.

anyways I'm grieving all this and the abuse I put up with while dissociated, and it's like the ocean, I don't think it ends. This is the worst feeling and I don't know if it will ever leave me for good. It only ever lets up when someone holds me or massages my skin, bringing my body back into the sensory world, or in those brief moments of joyful imagination when I visualize someone loving me, or when a snake or frog crosses my path in the woods.

I should probably be institutionalized but I'm scared of that too.

what do I do to become real?

The last thing that I have hope for to help is top surgery.

all I want in this world is to be held, and cry until I can't cry anymore, and hear it will be okay, and maybe that its okay to let go now. to die or just give up trying to make anything of the past and it's pointless confusing misery.

[baekhvuns]

I wish I could retire soon but alas 😭 despite feeling like an 80 year old I MUST WORK

Lmao I just saw Dylan's video what the fuck is going on and one of my friends was like "I've never seen Zootopia, I should watch it soon"

You're right Park Seonghwa is dangerous, he lures people in... and you can never come back. Siyaisyajhdhahsshh I'm not scared just angry and envious lmao

It's maaaaad, I hate the weird tension between ifans and kfans, it's usually the ifans who get mad though, like Atinys and Stays, they're so annoying when it comes to Korean fanbases. But then Korean fans mob idols at the airports, so many stalkers out there too...

Yes pre-recordings can be crazy, but I was lucky cause the first time I went to see Ateez they also let some of us stay for Stray Kids, and later when I went for Skz I got out and people were queuing for Atz, but they had some free spots and I went in again 😭 so it was worth it. Overall it was an experiment, my friends and I wanted to see how it all works. If I take the meat out it won't be the whole experience jahdushshhs also the egg?!

Omg your friend better have fun for all of us! Who do they bias?

SM is Europephobic for sure 🤡 after years of me giving them money, sigh. Ok Shinee was here, then both Taemin and EXO for MuBank Berlin, Kai was here for the festival, but come on

My non-existent boyfriend definitely does not compare to Seonghwa!

The new Hybe group should collab with Enhypen since they have the vampire/werewolves concept

I'm so sorry about the ebook website, I know it's a huge loss especially for academic purposes 😭🔫 maybe it'll be back somehow? Like Torrents or Pirate Bay, I remember they tried to take them down multiple times until the arrests happened ☠

His Hehetmon, Baek you didn't.....

Someone said this about The Fabulous, maybe it's not legit, but I remember seeing comments that the show is indefinitely postponed because some major plot points happen during Halloween? Btw Shinee, NGDA2 2nd anniversary was yesterday can you believe...

Absolutely, more bonuses if you have to work on a project with Hwa or he's your tutor/vice versa, but in your head you see those sinful hips and the dangerous tongue 😳

Idols obsess over JB or Shawn (didn't know he was Canadian lol) yet barely anyone cares about 🇨🇦 :/ what's this

That fallen angel AU I'm listening 👂

Lissssen Seonghwa must be over the moon because Star Wars replied to him three times yesterday 😭 maybe some brands on Twitter are doing good things after all. Now give him some free stuff, you've been flirting with him for a while. I wish KQ let him respond

My friend also said she's become Seonghwa's bitch and that's absolutely pathetic kusydhsgdhsgsgs and that he looked stunning 👀 but something I'm especially happy she posted about on Twitter and Reddit is how a lot of people talk about Hwa's visuals and demon tendencies only, but not about his incredible performance skills overall and his commitment to singing live as much as he can. I always feel like a biased delulu whenever I say he deserves more credit, because yeah I know he's one of the most popular members, but still he has so much to offer

SHUT UP THOSE PHOTOS. I have to force someone to go to another pop-up for me, because I'm not immune to soft photoshoots :( also THE BLANKET. And Lego flowers I'm kms-ing. Look at all the photos it's so cute the mannequins though osyssmshsjgsshjs.

I got Hongjoong on that quiz and I pretty much agree. What about you? - DV 💖

hi hello!!

I wish I could retire soon but alas 😭 despite feeling like an 80 year old I MUST WORK

LMFAOOOO THE RETIREMENT AT 50 NOT COMING SOON 😭😭😭 mo bc what is this life, graduate at 23, get a job by 24, get married by 26, have kids by 30 and then wait for death to come get u 🤨

Lmao I just saw Dylan's video what the fuck is going on and one of my friends was like "I've never seen Zootopia, I should watch it soon"

FBWKDHWK THE UNIVERSE MANIFESTED ZOOTOPIA FOR US 😭😭no bc why the fox kinda 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

You're right Park Seonghwa is dangerous, he lures people in... and you can never come back. Siyaisyajhdhahsshh I'm not scared just angry and envious lmao

seeing his live photos just know, i can’t believe this man’s real ?????? LIKE HE SMILES AND IM 📉📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉 his skin is so prefect??? AND YUNHO?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MAN ????

It's maaaaad, I hate the weird tension between ifans and kfans, it's usually the ifans who get mad though, like Atinys and Stays, they're so annoying when it comes to Korean fanbases. But then Korean fans mob idols at the airports, so many stalkers out there too...

no ur so right, most of the time ifans mad over things they don’t understand about the sokor culture 😭😭 and immediately it becomes problematic bc it doesn’t fit their views 😭😭 now that stalking is officially law in kr hopefully they gET THEM TO JAIL AND LEAVE THEM THERE !!!!!

Yes pre-recordings can be crazy, but I was lucky cause the first time I went to see Ateez they also let some of us stay for Stray Kids, and later when I went for Skz I got out and people were queuing for Atz, but they had some free spots and I went in again 😭 so it was worth it. Overall it was an experiment, my friends and I wanted to see how it all works. If I take the meat out it won't be the whole experience jahdushshhs also the egg?!

JUST SWAPPING LINES CASUALLY AND SEEING THE MOST VISUALLY STUNNING MEN 😭😭🤚🏼 HOW TO BE YOU !!!!!! the scenes behind must’ve be so articulate and detailed omg,, CLOSE UR EYES AND INHALE IT BESTIE CHARACTER GROWTH

Omg your friend better have fun for all of us! Who do they bias?

bestie she cannot speak atm due to screaming, AND YUNHWA I BELIEVE MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE HONGJOONG but seonghwa’s photos????? 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️idk if i can share but 🔫🔫🔫

????

SM is Europephobic for sure 🤡 after years of me giving them money, sigh. Ok Shinee was here, then both Taemin and EXO for MuBank Berlin, Kai was here for the festival, but come on

NO SERIOUSLY THEY USED TO DO SO MUCH FOR EURO but ever since nct its all america tour america this 😭😭🤚🏼 sm’s main fans come come from asia and euro yET THEY DONT SEE THAT ANYMORE smtown euro when 😭😭

My non-existent boyfriend definitely does not compare to Seonghwa! //// The new Hybe group should collab with Enhypen since they have the vampire/werewolves concept

hoping one day a hwa drops on both of us 🤲🏼🤲🏼 YES AND HOPEFULLY HAVE THOSE NICE SONGS TOO THAT FEVER ONE ESP

I'm so sorry about the ebook website, I know it's a huge loss especially for academic purposes 😭🔫 maybe it'll be back somehow? Like Torrents or Pirate Bay, I remember they tried to take them down multiple times until the arrests happened ☠

ive been looking for torrents def! hopefully they come back again under a diff alias bc coleen hoover it’s on sight 🔫 $100 per book 😀 <3

His Hehetmon, Baek you didn't.....

Someone said this about The Fabulous, maybe it's not legit, but I remember seeing comments that the show is indefinitely postponed because some major plot points happen during Halloween? Btw Shinee, NGDA2 2nd anniversary was yesterday can you believe...

it’s almost like the industry is not trying to eliminate the entire word instead of having to blame the govt 😭😭 ngda 2nd anniversary??? wHAT DO U MEAN???? ALREADY??? TWO YEARS SINCE HEAVEN DROPPED???? WHAT THE FUCK???? no bc ngda truly is so superior, every track is so carefully chosen and its so beautifully performed by taemin i can’t wait for what he shows after military

Absolutely, more bonuses if you have to work on a project with Hwa or he's your tutor/vice versa, but in your head you see those sinful hips and the dangerous tongue 😳

ANON. HELLO. hear me out what if he’s the junior-

Idols obsess over JB or Shawn (didn't know he was Canadian lol) yet barely anyone cares about 🇨🇦 :/ what's this

no tbh we don’t claim shawn mendes <3 disrespectfully <3 ryan reynolds tho >>> YEAH WHERES ALL THE MAPLE BLOODED KPOP IDOLS 🤨🤨

That fallen angel AU I'm listening 👂

<3 something like this

Lissssen Seonghwa must be over the moon because Star Wars replied to him three times yesterday 😭 maybe some brands on Twitter are doing good things after all. Now give him some free stuff, you've been flirting with him for a while. I wish KQ let him respond

IMAGINING HIM WIDE EYED JUMPING ON THE BED YELLING “STAR WARS SUNBAENIM!!!!” brands doing good for him when is DIOR AND YSL PULLING UP 🤨🤨🔫 GIVE THAT MAN FREE LEGO SETS IM BEGGING

My friend also said she's become Seonghwa's bitch and that's absolutely pathetic kusydhsgdhsgsgs and that he looked stunning 👀 but something I'm especially happy she posted about on Twitter and Reddit is how a lot of people talk about Hwa's visuals and demon tendencies only, but not about his incredible performance skills overall and his commitment to singing live as much as he can. I always feel like a biased delulu whenever I say he deserves more credit, because yeah I know he's one of the most popular members, but still he has so much to offer

LMFAOOOO BRMQBDMWBDMQBDKW THIS ENTIRE ENTIRE PARAGRAPH!!!!!! EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS 1000% FACTUAL !!!!!!! i ghost wrote this, i was beside u in spirit while u wrote this,, becoming hwa’s again is like a experience my friends a hwa biased but she’s like “i saw him and it felt like i got to know him all over again” truly what a fascinating man

SHUT UP THOSE PHOTOS. I have to force someone to go to another pop-up for me, because I'm not immune to soft photoshoots :( also THE BLANKET. And Lego flowers I'm kms-ing. Look at all the photos it's so cute the mannequins though osyssmshsjgsshjs.

STOP IF THESE PHOTOS ARE GOOD WHEN THE SEASONS GREETINGS DROP THEN WHAT??? WHAT ABOUT THOSE PHOTOS 😭😭😭 ARE U GETTING THE BLANKET FBWMBDMSVDEK

I got Hongjoong on that quiz and I pretty much agree. What about you? - DV 💖

omg i saw the hong one and it said ur a lil fruity 😭😭 i got yeosang!

when i tell u i m just a hole

???? san second lead??? 😮‍💨

my turn when

im

this your guy?

WHAT???

m-model hwa

[feysandfeels]

Can I ask you for relationship advice? I apologize this is gonna be long 🫠 I moved 600 km from my hometown to get my masters degree. I have been here since october and since then, I've been dating my boyfriend. He is perfect in every way, only today I realized two problems.

Number one: I have been talking a lot about how much I miss my hometown, so I thought he'd be aware I'd wanna move back at some point. Today he made a comment that made me realize he is not. I haven't corrected this yet. And I really do miss my friends and family, every day. I can not see myself living this far apart from them forever. Every day, I talk to my friends and i wish I was with them... concerts, park dates, dinner, game nights, sleepovers... I am so blessed to have them and being apart from them pains me. However, from his comments today I am pretty sure he is not willing to move anywhere else but here.

Number two: Today he told me he is in the process of buying an apartment in this city. Which further cements his life plans here, but also made me realize he makes MUCH more money than I ever will. Previously, I thought we made about the same, but I will probably never be able to afford a down payment for a flat whereas he is just buying one in his mid 20s. He has also stated multiple times that he wants his life partner to make about the same salary he does - and I think we both assumed we were in the same tax bracket. Turns out, we are not at all. I now know how much he makes and my salary will never come close to his, but I think he is assuming it will once I've finished my masters.

So... even if he wants to continue this relationship despite the financial difference, I will have to make a decision about my place of residence at some point. And it's already breaking my heart.

For context, I am 28 years old and have only had failed talking stages and one painful situationship after the other so far. So, dating him is really a dream come true. I was so tired of being single, despite actively going on at least 2 dates a month for 8 years, I never clicked with anybody like that. I was super sad at times bc all my friends are in relationships and I'm the chronically single one, I even kinda made peace with not getting to have a family of my own bc I can't find a partner. He is my one in a million. Before meeting him I felt super lonely at times, frustrated because I thought I might never experience love or a good relationship etc. With him, I see myself having a family and growing old. He is so much better than I could have ever dreamed of and he really makes my life worth enjoying. I think if we broke up, I'd always mourn the life I could have had with him.

But still, I can't really see myself leaving my friends and family so far behind. Any advice, or just for curiostiy, any idea what you would decide on?

I guess I'm gonna have to talk to him about my financial situation and about the wish to move back one day and then see if he is still willing to be with me. But even in that case, I know I'll have to make a decision that will hurt one way

Wait, hold on, are you the person I talked to last year about moving to do their Master's Program but they were a bit concerned because there was a situation with a man and I told you to not consider the man when making your decision, because if anything that should be a bonus of you choosing the program that makes you the happiest? Is this you? 

If so, I am so so so so sorry I kind of disappeared, my mental health took a solid dive. But I hope your program has been fulfilling and even though you are missing your family and friends, that these past few months have been blessed with joy and wonder and discovery! I've thought about you often and I'm sending you nothing but light. 

If this is not you, and this is the first time you message me. Hi! Hello! Hola hola!! I Hope besides this matter all is well with you. You are always welcomed to drop by with anything, I am more than happy to be the cunty friend we all need. 🥂

Okay so I think first it is important for you to determine  the “where am I approaching this relationship.” Because not all relationships have to be pointed towards “forever and ever and endgame,” you can be very very happy dating someone for the present of it all. Given the context you have given me I also think it is crucial for you to like… be mindful of perspective, yes fail situationships are obviously not great and all, but this being your first lets call it “let me introduce you to my parents” relationship, things might seem brighter than they are. I am not saying that he is not great and amazing and absolutely well suited for who you are as person, but I think treading with the care would be best. I feel… like when you find a person with whom you click with after "being tired of being single," as you put it, I don’t know my gal, I would tread lightly… This is why I think it is important for you to define the where am I approaching this relationship, is it from a place of “I’m so tired of being single, and omg he is actually a really nice person and we click” or a “he is my endgame endgame” or a “I am here in the present but the future seems a bit cloudy” or from wherever? Know that whatever answer you arrive to is valid and correct and perfect, but do ask yourself from where this is coming, because this will give you clues as to how to procede with the… he wants to stay here I want to go back, what do we do with this. Be honest with yourself as to where you are coming from, what do you want and why do you want what you want… you know, to make sure that it comes from you and not perhaps fomo or external expectations.

As for the money matter… like can I ask what his reasoning is behind him wanting a partner that has similar economic means? Like…. Hmmm listen, I am not going to lie to you, having seen couples that come from different socio-economic backgrounds, there are certain matters that arise in the relationship that one does not necessarily see with couples that comes from the same background. But quiet frankly you can say the same for relationships that are intercultural, for example for me, every time I date a White Boy™️ that comes from the Global North, I do run into certain … obstacles or situations that highlight how my realities as an immigrant or a latina do not even cross their minds and for me sometimes it does become frustrating. But then with willingness from the other person to learn, things like that can be overcome. Which is why I question his need to have a partner with a similar earning income? Because… idk call me a hopeless romantic but whatever disparity that arises can be solved with a little bit of empathy and better distribution of what you both contribute to your future household. This to me is a bit sus. And shall remain sus until I understand his reasoning better. 

As a parting thought.. pain is unavoidable in life, so make sure that whatever decision you come to, do not come to it because you want the option that hurts less. You have a great support system: you have your friends who love you, hopefully an M.A program that you find uplifting and engaging, a family that is there for you and an online community that is here to listen to you (me included)… so remain true to yourself even if that demands pain from you, because the pain that comes from choosing what you want actually is for the better and nourishes you too. 

Besos besos, mi linda

Lu 🤍

[commoncorps3]

lol im not sure my mental and physical health has ever been this bad.

im kinda suicidal again instead of just being numb, empty, and having depersonalization/derealization but I don’t even know who to tell. my friends are probably getting overwhelmed with me/tired of me doing so bad all the time. it’s gotta be a real bummer. can’t tell my family bc they freak out or the complete opposite just tell me it’s gonna be ok. my girlfriend has DID and hasn’t fronted in several days because she’s been having a hard time mentally and physically so one of her alters (who I am not dating) has been in control. this alter doesn’t really talk to me nearly as much as my gf usually does so my bpd (and general shit mental health atm) is having a fucking field day with that. i miss her a lot. Unrelated to her but I don’t sleep or eat enough. my house is disgusting and I can’t get myself to clean it. the stupid lexapro my psych made me try gave me so many fucking side effects and I stopped taking it days ago and I’m still having the worst fucking time. i have so many bruises and scabs from how bad my skin picking has gotten from the medicine. my jaw hurts so bad bc the med made me start clenching it/gritting my teeth all the time now. my teeth feel so weak and sensitive like I’m scared they’re gonna fucking break into pieces when I eat. my acne got worse too but idk if that’s bc of the medicine or bc my hormones are crazy OR bc I’ve been on my period for basically two months at this point. i have sores on my tongue that are painful and overstimulating just to feel and i want to bite them off or something. my wisdom teeth are hurting too. im so tired. I have no excitement. im just detached from life. I’m not enjoying anything. people’s concern for me is not even fucking hitting me like it should be. I’ll be like “I want to kms” and they’ll be like “holy shit I’m worried about you i love you don’t die” and I’m just like “🤷”. it’s very frustrating. everyday feels like a shitty dream. but i never wake up. ive barely even been listening to music. which is fucking wild for me. I just listen to YouTube at work. and it’s mostly like videos on disturbing/scary shit lately. like shit I’ve barely even touched before the last few weeks. I don’t know why I’m suddenly so interested in really fucked up stuff but nothing else hits the same. I guess I subconsciously just wanna feel something. so fear and discomfort is my go-to. I’m always in pain. I have the desire to abuse drugs or drink or SOMETHING to make myself feel better. but I still really don’t even do that. oh yeah and I relapsed twice this week. once wasn’t that bad but the second time was pretty fucking rough. it’s even worse bc I literally broke apart someone’s fucking shaving razor at my friend’s house and used one of the blades. then had to wake my friend up bc the cuts wouldn’t stop bleeding. I need serious help. I don’t want to be hospitalized though. I did that earlier this year and it was a complete waste of time. I wish I could just die. I’m so tired of pushing through this hell. And I can’t help but think “well i guess it could be worse” which is true but also every time I think that something else happens. I want out. Please. I wish I had the fucking balls to kill myself like ive wanted to for the past like 12 years. No one can help me. I can’t even help me. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I take the medicine. I go to therapy. I reach out to loved ones for help. I try to live my life. But it’s not fucking working. I’m so miserable.

[pepprs]

literally the only reason i am not in as bad a mental health place as i was in in december is bc i’m done w school now and i never have to go back or deal with being a student again if i don’t want to and also bc i know there is a high likelihood that there are some big important helpful highly desired changes on my horizon in the next few months and years. but i am really not doing good right now

[stargaze-issei]

Hi may I request some headcanons for Kuroo from haikyuu and Akashi, Aomine, and Murasakibara from kuroko no basket when their girlfriend is a really talented at the opposite sport (example Kuroo is basketball and the other volleyball) and are scouted from big schools/colleges and maybe they see a game of hers for the first time and are shocked/proud of how talented they are. Can it also be lots of fluff please.

hi! hope u like it. i gave different positions to each reader in the knb ones, you’ll notice.

ᴋᴜʀᴏᴏ, ᴀᴏᴍɪɴᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴋᴀsʜɪ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴ ᴀᴛʜʟᴇᴛɪᴄ s/ᴏ.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; none.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; -.

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; fluff.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; my bias showed with aomine im sowy hsjhs, also, i cut mukkun out bc this was so long.

kuroo tetsurō

-> kuroo knows you're a decent basketball player because you're team captain.

-> he has never see you play, somehow he keeps missing your games.

-> he's either playing himself or out of town or buried in homework.

-> and is getting on his nerves because everyone keep talking about how good you are and how many points you made on your last game.

-> yeah he has seen you playing one-one-one with your friends, but that doesn't compare to a real game.

-> you're kinda bumped because it's important to you he sees you doing what you love.

-> so when a game against a power house is scheduled, where college scouts are invited, you beg him to go.

-> he makes the impossible and is able to attend at last minute.

-> you got so happy when you saw him on the bleachers, shouting your name in excitement.

-> your team was used to you being good, but that day?? your best performance in your life.

-> you made point after point after point, supporting your teammates.

-> your defense didn't leave any paths open, and your offense was unstoppable.

-> the game ended with a really big gap, mostly made by you.

-> kuroo was SO PROUD.

-> he shouted at every point you made, and his throat got itchy.

-> he knew you wete good but that good???

-> he was thankful you didn't play vb or he'd be scared.

-> when you told him not one, not two, but three scouts had reached out to you??

-> his eyes actually shone in pride. he loves you and won't ever stop praising your abilities.

aomine daiki

-> kind of guy who thinks the sport he plays is the only interesting one.

-> what’s the fun on depending of others as much you do on volleyball?

-> you can’t do more than touching the ball, and not even twice in a row, like, please explain him why.

-> expect a lot of arguing in which sport is better and eventually giving up because this man will not lose.

-> you go to all your practices, unlike him, despite he uses all his weapons to keep you with him in the rooftop.

-> since you started dating, in winter holidays, you haven’t had any important enough games, resulting in him never seeing you playing outside of practice. 

-> he would NEVER say this, but he thought it was cool how fast you could react to receive a ball going 100 km/h or hit a spike so hard with your arm only.

-> you tried to explain him that it was actually a movement from your whole body but he didn’t listen lol.

-> you understand he’s lazy, like, sometimes he would miss his own games.

-> but you were compiting on the final of a really important tournament, and you were so sure you would win, you wanted your beloved boyfriend to be there too.

-> he agreed to go, although you still had momoi invited too to make sure he would be there in time.

-> women’s uniforms are quite different from men’s, the bottom being a tight sport short that ends before your thigh.

-> he hadn’t see you in your uniform before so he literally choked.

-> “DAMN YOU’RE HOT BABE” 

-> sometimes he had attended to watch your practices, despite they were intense, it didn’t compare to a real match.

-> both you and your team were completely focused, every receive you made got to the setter perfectly, your spikes were before the three meters line, it was perfect.

-> even your serves, which was a hard thing for you, were good.

-> a college scout was there, but nobody told your team, and just by chance, aomine ended up sitting besides him.

-> “YOU SAW THAT? SHE’S SO FRICKING GOOD GOD, LOOK!” so the scout was forced to watch you through the whole game.

-> was fairly impressed with your performance, and in a few days, he would reach out to your coach to tell them he wanted to offer you a scholarship and complementary training until you graduate highschool.

-> say “thank u, aomine”

-> after then, daiki will brag about you too everyone every day because you’re that bitch and he loves you.

akashi seijuro

-> akashi cares for status, so he had to know if you lived up to your reputation.

-> i literally don't know why hasn't he attended to any of your games before.

-> like i see him going to one of your games before he even knew you and there, he knew it was you.

-> anyways, you had this friendly game against another school, it wouldn't have been that important usually, but college scouts were invited and you needed a scholarship to get to college.

-> when you told akashi, he decided he'd go to support you.

-> and it was nice that he cared so you just thanked him.

-> everyone knew you were dating, definition of power couple.

-> someone literally saved a seat for him at first row so he could see you.

-> the game started, and you were so focused than didn’t even see akashi in the bleacers.

-> he didn't know a thing about vb, but he noticed how you connected every play, touch the ball in every rally.

-> it was highkey cool, like you were the most important player in the court.

-> yeah, you needed someone else to receive the ball and then spike it, but you were the only one who could set the ball so perfectly.

-> akashi was so involved in the game, even celebrating some of the points.

-> it was when you did a setter dump, that went unnotice until the ball touch the ground, he lost it.

-> you could do that?? it was the best play in the whole match if you ask him.

-> of course, he acted like it was nothing, but damn.

-> it didn’t take long for akashi to realize he was actually sitting in front of the scout you talked about.

-> HE WOULD START TELLING HIM REASONS WHY HE SHOULD GRANT YOU A SCHOLARSHIP.

-> but he wouldn’t need to convince him, which made akashi the proudest man on the planet.

-> he supports you, and recgonizes you as an equal, even being in different sports.

[chenoehi]

1, 10, 17, 18, 44, 49 for the bts asks!!💕

👋👋👋 Thank you for these questions! They made me think lol (also you're an MVP for always keeping up with me when I live blog performances 😭)

FUN BTS ASKS <-

1. How and when did you get into BTS?

This is the shorter version bc I'm working on a personal post about this actually:

When: Last week of October 2018 in Orlando, Florida, where I was 'vacationing' while also working and basically having one of the most miserable, low weeks of my life.

How: I'd known about them since at least 2017 and watched them perform at the AMAs from afar, I listened to DNA after that, the song didn't grab me (it still doesn't 😭), and for a while I was seeing BTS content come across my tl, specifically Jimin content and he became my recruitment fairy, but the day LY in Paris had also happened recently and jikook decided to do them and all of a sudden a blog I followed spammed my tl with the jikook lap incident. At that point I'd seen BTS trending on tumblr tons of times and I saw them trending for the Waste it On Me teasers. I got interested and I listened to it when it came out but I was totally confused bc they were singing in English. So that led to me watching the classic YouTube "Who Are BTS?" videos which led me to watch one video that tested your knowledge of their voices and played clips for you to guess, and that led to my absolute obsession with Let Me Know which led to a mini breakdown when I couldn't find the song on Spotify so I listened to every. damn. song. starting. from. love yourself. Until I realized I could just Google the English lyrics and find the song that way. And then the Muster DVD content came out or was circulating literally at the same time so I got to see all the nice KM content and yeah, I basically just got hooked over the course of my week in Orlando, I walked around Disney Springs blasting Anpanman in my headphones, worked all through the night with Magic Shop, slept with my headphones on and The Tturh Untold in my ears, all because they're crackheads I love and not to be dramatic and shit but they kind of saved me when I was drowning.

10. Your favorite cover of BTS? (Doesn’t matter if it’s one of Jungkook, Taehyung, Jin, etc.)

I guess this means covers of BTS songs that other artists have done right? I really don't listen to many covers of BTS except sometimes I listen to piano versions on SoundCloud. I do listen to a cover of "The Truth Untold" by Emma Heesters on Spotify. It's probably not the best cover but I just haven't really sought out any others. .

17. Whose fashion style do you like the most?

Hmm. Well, Jimin is our pretty boy and I do always like seeing what he's wearing, I love Hoseok's style, I feel like Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi are more ambiguous, and I like Taehyung's unique style.

But, it's JK. Big. Black. Comfy.

18. Which member matches with your personality the most?

Yoongi/Namjoon/Taehyung

I'm like Yoongi in the sense that neither of us tend to be the most outgoing or life of the party, he can be very quiet when he wants to be and he's pretty laid back in general. We also both like to sleep a lot, and I don't think Yoongi has a black and white view of the world, or at least that's the impression I get. So I'd gather he's one of the least judgmental among them. I also connect to his mental health struggles.

I'm like Namjoon in the sense that we both love nature, trees, and although I don't have immediate access to parks, museums, things like that, if I did I'd be on a bike roaming around or walking or going to see cultural events and all that good stuff. Alas I am not. I also think we have similar ways of thinking with regard to life. I specifically connect to his mental health struggles similar to Yoongi, although I believe Namjoon has dealt with and still deals with things more in line to what my experience is like, but with different contexts of course.

Taehyung. Sweet child. He was the member I connected to the least really just up until these past few months. But the truth is I may be more like Taehyung behavior wise than any of the others. I've caught myself lately watching him say or do things and saying to myself "Taehyung is me I am Taehyung." It's honestly scary sometimes. One time I was watching BTS play this quiz to see what member they were (which lol) and I found a lot of my answers aligning with his. I think coming from a background of farmers and from things I've seen he likes nature as well and like Namjoon he's a lover of art. He also has a habit of wearing less expensive clothes and making them look nice; I lol'd when I saw that he'd been buying inexpensive women's blouses marketed to women around 40 or so 😭 He just has a unique style and while I wouldn't say that I dress like him exactly I do sometimes gravitate to more old school styles. I also wear clothes for the opposite gender a lot.

44. If you were given the chance to say one sentence to all of them, what would you tell them?

To JIMIN: Jimin, you do have jams.

To JK: What was tasty in Busan?

To HOSEOK: What did JK text you on your last day in Malta?

OK OK time to get serious

To JK: Be confident in yourself because you are a wizard, our smart Ravenclaw, and you can accomplish anything you put your mind to; your 50% effort blows away everyone else's 100%.

To JIMIN: I think the way you sing is healing and I think you know best what works for your unique voice.

To HOSEOK: You are a son your parents can be proud of, and you should be very proud and confident in yourself because you're perfect.

To YOONGI: Please never stop writing songs about things that matter because people care and we want to hear your voice.

To SEOKJIN: "Tonight" is one of my favorite songs. You should feel happy with how you honored your pets.

To TAEHYUNG: Your grandmother would be very proud of you if she could see you.

To NAMJOON: Thank you for being the gravity holding our galaxies together.

49. What kind of concept would you like to see in the future?

Hmmm. They've done so much already. . I think it would be interesting to explore the route of Dionysus a little more, maybe a little more similar to their earlier styles with heavier rap parts, maybe an infusion of rock? I'm seeing a lot of hip hop lately that's been inspired by rock so that would be interesting. Or they could do something else and maybe infuse some EDM tracks? I know what they've done lately is more pop but I think they've only touched on EDM.

As for concepts. . I don't really know what to add?? They've done light, dark, PINK, youthful, school, soft, grrr, . . . Maybe something mature like a look more in line with MOTS: vol. 2 & 3? Those were more serious like Tear but instead they could go more toward vol. 2 and come out with like evening wear, suits (fitted), or ugh more pajama wear my god, and looks similar to what they did for SY tour Singularity and Fake Love performances? I'd love to see Hoseok in another red suit like his Final Just Dance stage . . Yes.

.

Hope you liked this 💜

[paintednightlock]

alright here’s my opinion that no one asked for but i just..............................really want and need to express my sadness!  the entire show the starks are separated.  all the bad things that happen to them happen to them WHEN they are separated.  the ENTIRE SHOW they fight to get back home, to get back to winterfell, to be with their family, bc they are each other’s whole world and they love each other and they are good for each other and they deserve the comfort and warmth of family.  and then they just -- don’t!  they don’t end up together!  all of the living starks (yes jon is included in this bc he was raised a stark he is a member of the stark family i won’t fight about this) are in different locations.

like!!!!!!!!! i’m so overwhelmingly and indescribably happy that sansa is queen in the north!!!!!!!!! it is what she deserved, she is intelligent, kind, and talented and literally deserves only good things bc her life has been absolute hell.  one of the few things i’m happy about is the fact that she’s queen in the north, that she got what she deserved, she gets to be in winterfell and rule winterfell and be the queen they deserve.  but she’s all alone!  her family isn’t there.  who there cares about her the way her family does?  of course the lords are loyal to her and i’m pretty sure all the northern people love her but!!!!!!!!!  who does she have to talk to when she’s emotional or confused!!!!!!!!!!  i know that she can make friends or whatever but that’s hARD WHEN YOU’RE QUEEN and she already HAD friends, she had a family, she had arya and bran and jon, and now she has none of them!  just like all the rest of the seasons!  she is alone AGAIN!

and arya..........................i’m gonna have a breakdown if i think about what they did to her for too long but she is absolutely alone.  she doesn’t even have a people that love her, she is on a ship alone and they set it up as if she’s never coming back.  she will NEVER see her family again.  what sense does that make?  do we not remember ‘a girl’s name is arya stark of winterfell and i’m going home’?  home!!!!!!!!!!!!  her family!!!!!!!!!!!! they have ALWAYS been what’s most important to her!!!!!!!! the reason she HAD a mf list is bc those people hurt her and her family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  she is arya STARK of WINTERFELL!  and then she just leaves and is alone again, just like the rest of the seasons.  why even GIVE us gendry and arya?  why do that to us?  i’m so unbelievably and devastatingly angry about that bc i love them, and he loves her, and goddamn it she loves him, and they allowed them to find each other and to love each other only to take it away from us.  what was the point?  to absolutely break my heart?  to break gendry’s heart?  arya stark spent the entire show alone and now she is alone again, by choice.  it doesn’t make any sense, and i’m so upset about it i’m tearing up again.

jon..............jon snow..................what do i say.  his character is problematic and they ABSOLUTELY painted him as the level-headed and kind man who had to save the the world from the crazy woman’s tyranny which is just so sexist and gross but like ! his ending!  are you fucking kidding me?  alone again, in the north?  why?  i’m so happy that he got to see ghost, and i’m not the biggest jon stan so i’m not as obsessed with his story arc, but still!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that’s so fucking cheap.  i’m not saying what i’m trying to say right so i’m just gonna try to be honest straight from my brain.  i’m sad that he’s alone.  i’m sad that he’s not with his family.  i’m sad that he killed daenerys and they shipped him off to the north, and that’s it.  he’ll never see his family again.  he should be able to find peace, and i truly hope he does, but i’m sad about it.  i really just feel like he deserved better, like he deserved more, like he deserved to be with his family.  but they took that from him. goddamn it.

and bran!!!!!!!!!!!  my boy!!!!!!!!!!!  first of all i have ALWAYS loved him and honestly i know he’ll be a level-headed and kind king and i truly think he’ll make westeros a better place.  but just like, he’s alone, and that’s just sad.  i just really fucking hate that they’re all separated.

the only other character i truly care about is brienne of tarth, the absolute love of my life, who i’m honestly so happy for bc she is in a position of power and authority and she now has the ability and prerogative to make westeros a better place!!!!!!!!!! that’s aWESOME and her son podrick is there with her i just!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m not happy about a lot but i am really happy for brienne.  the ja*me scene was cheap and used her as the sad lonely love interest so i’m ignoring it entirely but besides that bRIENNE OF TARTH IS A KNIGHT AND ADVISER TO THE KING!  THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S MY WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  all i really wanted was for her to be ok and she is.  i really hope that she finds happiness, too, bc she deserves it, and i think she’s in a place that she will.

daenerys............................deserved better.  i went on so many rants in the tags of so many posts last week that i’m just tired but i will never in my entire life forgive d&d for what they did to her.  she was strong, and intelligent, and kind, and passionate, and they made her crazy and proved that ‘the men were right.’  everything that she did, everything that she stood for, the most interesting character in the entire show, they fucked.  and then they murdered her and flew her away and that was it.  her entire story ended in two stupid episodes.  god every time i think about it i get so angry i literally fucking hate this show and daenerys deserved so much better it’s literally insane and i will never forgive them.

so essentially i’m going to literally kms every time i think about arya stark and every time i think about sansa stark alone in that castle and every time i think about how they threw jon’s character in the trash and i hate this fucking show.  they gave some characters good things that they deserved and i’m eternally grateful but they said fuck you to the starks.  their entire problem, all the shit that happened when and bc they were separated, is a non issue.  they’re all apart again.  they are all fucking lonely and the starks are not together.  i hate this fucking show and i’m so tired

[ofstaffs]

steve steve was absolutely walking on air. the weather was amazing and he was enjoying it with the woman he loved. of course, it wasn't a totally perfect afternoon due to his endearing clumsiness. after his second time dropping the venue folder, they decided it was better if peggy carried it instead. other than that, it couldn't have been better. "i really like the meadow, if i'm being totally honest," he glanced at peggy as they walked under a cluster of trees in magnolia park. "but the park is fine too, of course."

steve: im screAMING

peggy: OM G CUITE

peggy: CUTIE

steve: the ghostbusters theme song came on while i was writing thiS

peggy: HAHAHAAHHA

peggy she didn't think it was possible for her to love him anymore. the bold and the brave captain america was stumbling over his own feet and dropping the folder each time he held onto it, papers flying everywhere, which required a ton of chasing. she hadn't laughed more in her whole life, and she was sure she had never been more infatuated with someone in her life. "i know, i do too. i just wanted to look around here to see if it was a backup choice," she explained, craning her neck to glance around.

peggy: lets just do them for a bit then ill bring rey in

steve: okie dokie

steve "you know, the first wedding i went to was out here." steve spoke, pointing at the patch of grass by the fountain. it wasn't exactly an enjoyable experience; they hardly knew the grooms and there was quite a bit of drama at the end of the night. he decided to leave out the fact that he brought a date to it. "you would have hated it. it ended in absolute chaos." he laughed quietly, knowing his future bride wasn't one to put up with people's shit.

peggy "oh, dear. maybe we shouldn't have it here, then. i don't want people to be reminded of bad memories when they come here," she said, biting her lip in concern. then she glanced up at him with a teasing smirk. "you know that if anyone tries to start /anything/ at our wedding that i'll deal with them myself." they couldn't exactly hire security; plus, they didn't need any. the groom was captain america, after all. "i don't think you'll let that happen, though," she winked.

peggy: omfg deans rper will not stop chatting me

peggy: like

steve: my ot4 tbh :,)))

peggy: actually

steve: im confused on how it all happened so fast

peggy: they kind of pushed it on kathryn and i

peggy: im convinced the mun is the same person

peggy: they're literally the SAME

steve: nO WAY

steve: mia's rper chats me a lot too so

peggy: yep

steve "i can only think of one person who'd be bothered." steve shrugged. that person was rey. she left early on in the ceremony and sprayed someone with beer when she returned. but at that point, he wasn't even sure if she'd show to his wedding. "i know you will." he grinned with a raised brow, tightening his grip on her hand lightly. him and peggy had already waited way too long for someone to ruin it. "hopefully everyone just keeps their issues to themselves."

steve: if somebody hijacks the steggy wedding i will take it ooc

steve: no shame

peggy: ya tru

steve: i feel like dia would tbh not trying to be rude

peggy "they better," peggy agreed with a firm nod, placing a hand on his cheek then slowly smiling again. "but i don't care if /everything/ goes wrong. as long as i get to be your wife at the end of the day. that's all i want. that's all i've ever wanted." she leaned up to kiss him softly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

peggy: BLESS

peggy: ok im gonna bring rey in]

rey joined the chat 2 hours ago

steve: yaaaasssssssss

rey getting some fresh air was nice, as her dispute with derek was still ongoing, and she felt like she had the opportunity to really clear her mind of everything. until she stumbled across a couple. as soon as she saw the red and blue clothes (did they plan that or did they always just coincidentally dress that way?), she knew exactly who it was. she clenched her jaw but let out a sigh and tried to walk past without her face being seen, tilting it away as much as possible.

steve: does steve stop her orrrrrrrrrrrrr

peggy: probs

peggy: i didnt know how else to bring her in lmao

steve "trust me, you'll be my wife no matter what. even if it means i have to become a minister and do it myself." he chuckled against her lips, gladly welcoming the kiss. naturally, he got too carried away, wrapping his arms around her waist and stumbling back slightly. he didn't even think about anyone else in the park until he felt his back brush against another person. "oh, geez. i'm sorry about that," the avenger apologized to this person behind him, before he quickly realized who it was. "rey?"

steve: i just did that instead whooops

peggy: nice

peggy peggy pulled away as soon as steve did, glancing at the person he had, literally, bumped into. uh oh. hopefully he wouldn't be recognized. she smiled apologetically and began to say sorry when steve said the girl's name. peggy's smile faded as she stared up at him, then chuckled softly. "is-is this a friend of yours?" she asked quietly, nervous about the expression on his face.

rey oh, great. clumsy steve, back at it again. she rolled her eyes and turned to him, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. she was sure she looked horrific, given she'd been bedridden for five days, but finally seeing peggy in person for the first time shocked her most of all. she really did look like her. at peggy's question, she just glared up at steve again before firmly replying, "nope."

rey: ouch

steve: damn steve, back at it again

peggy: i kept saying that in my head while writing jrc

peggy: jfc

steve "uh..." he stammered, glancing between rey and peggy. oh god, they looked so much alike he was getting confused. he genuinely did not know what to say. rey and him had a large falling out, sure, but they were so close. they were still friends in his eyes, best friends even. his eyes narrowed at her once she spoke. "no. she's tony's friend."

steve: yiggity yikes

peggy peggy's shoulders straightened at steve's words, and she stood protectively at his side, hand on his arm. "tony stark is no friend to us. it is obvious that steve doesn't want you around, so i recommend that you keep walking before i have to take action."

steve: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

rey rey couldn't tear her eyes away from steve. her expression was a mixture of heartbreak, anger, jealousy, and distress. she missed him, but seeing him with peggy angered her beyond belief. she clenched her fists at her sides as peggy spoke to her, then raised her eyebrows. "believe me, i think that's the best idea, seeing the last time i spoke to your fiancé, he threw a coffee table across the room."

rey: riP

rey: sry im replying so fast im like trying to do this fuc kn g study guide

rey: WHY DID I PORCRASITINA

rey: ETE

steve: UR DUMB

steve: WHAT CLASS IS IT FOR

peggy: US HISTORY

peggy: FML

steve: WRITE STEVE ROGERS FOR EVERY ANSWER

peggy: O K

peggy: ITS OPTIONAL TOO

peggy: BUT ITS 20 PTS EXTRA CREDIT

peggy: KMS

steve steve was stupid to think this day wasn't going to get ruined. he expected the cops would have something to do with it, not rey. not his /best friend/. he glanced at peggy once she spoke, but rey was already retorting before he could catch up. "that's enough." the expression on his face was enough to kill. no more clumsy, adorable steve. rey awakened the beast that was captain america. "so where's derek this lovely afternoon?"

peggy peggy's head snapped up to glare at steve slightly. "so /that's/ what happened? you threw a coffee table because you were angry?" she asked in disbelief. but the expression on his face was not allowing for any chastisement at that moment, so she turned back to rey, watching her carefully. obviously she had done something to make steve, sweet, kind-hearted steve, angry and she didn't like it one bit.

steve: http://66.media.tumblr.com/902d809ec25de... LOOK AT THIS

rey "he's at home. i wanted to go on a walk, so here i am." she'd only mumbled a few words to derek before leaving, but she didn't tell him that. she was too afraid he'd poke fun at her for having a failing relationship. two at the same time. just in very different ways. "oh, but i see you two are planning your wedding. you know, that's funny. the last time steve was at a wedding, he brought along a date. but i'm sure he's told you that."

peggy: DED

peggy: REY ST OP

steve "yes. but you should let rey tell you what she said to make me so angry." he spoke through gritted teeth. he could almost hear rey's angry outburst about peggy and bucky leaving him. his hand flew up to his nose, pinching the bridge of it as she continued to spill like an immature child. "i brought natasha romanoff, my colleague. interesting that you bring up the wedding, rey. recall your little beer incident?" two could play that game.

steve: steve rn: (ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'​́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'​̀-'́)ง

peggy "yes, i /would/ like to know that," peggy snapped to rey, crossing her arms firmly across her chest. anyone who upset steve had to deal with her. "i understand. you didn't want to be alone at the wedding. i get it," she assured him then turned back to rey, furrowing her eyebrows as steve brought up one of /her/ issues.

peggy: omg steve should do like a rly low blow

peggy: and then rey will just strt cr ying

peggy: bc i need them to make up

steve: how low u talkin

peggy: as low as u want

steve: idk how low i can go

steve: damn is this limbo

peggy: truth

peggy: idk like her being abandoned by her family or smth

peggy: or her problems with derek

peggy: or her family issues

peggy: rey has a lot of things to use against her ok

steve: i'll talk about her trying to get derek to propose cause i got an anon bout it

peggy: make it bad tho

peggy: or else rey will just be angrier

rey rey's eyes widened slightly as her expression darkened. now /he/ was digging. this was bad, and was surely not going to end well. she wished she had derek here to back her up. if he even would at this point. "well YOU'RE the one who had feelings for me while you said you were in love with /her/!" she exclaimed, motioning carelessly to peggy.

steve "why don't you tell her." steve looked down at his friend demeaningly, unable to bring himself to repeat her words. "at least i don't have to beg the love of my life to get marry me. i know who i love, rey, and you're sure as hell not one of those people when you act like this." the captain spat, grabbing his fiance's hand. "let's go, peg."

peggy: shIT

steve: shawty got low low low low low low

peggy "is that true?" peggy tried to ask steve after rey explained how he had feelings for her. if so... that was shocking. extremely. but at steve's words, she froze. ouch. that was a harsh one. but it was necessary. so peggy swallowed thickly and held on tightly to steve's hand before turning and beginning to walk away with him.

rey no... he couldn't have just said that. had he? he /had/. he didn't love her. once upon a time they were inseparable, spending every day together. first he had used derek against her, and then he outright said he didn't love her. not even as a friend. her hands clasped over her mouth in shock as her eyes fell shut, not even acknowledging them anymore. silently, she began to sob as she slowly crumpled to her knees on the ground, slightly ripping the comfortable pajama pants she had on, decorated with stars. she hated this. she wanted her best friend back.

steve "it was." he admitted swiftly, avoiding her glance. it was before he knew peggy was alive. it was a mistake, all of it was. she had a boyfriend anyway. right as he's ready to turn on his heel, rey falls to the ground in front of them. at first he thinks she's hurt, so he accesses her body quickly until he realizes she's just crying. oh no. was it really that harsh? his jaw clenched as her scene attracted attention from civilians in the park. "rey... just get up, okay?"

peggy "steve," peggy gasped as soon as she saw rey fall to the ground. they were friends at one point; and she knew steve wouldn't want to see his friends hurt. even though it was obvious she was just crying, she knew steve would still want to help. maybe. so she stayed back but watched carefully as he approached her again, hoping things wouldn't get worse from here.

rey rey simply ignored them both, covering her face with her hands and tucking her knees to her chest as she continued to cry. after all they had gone through together... that was what he now thought of her? simply because she was jealous? sure she had said some things that went over the edge, but he knew she hadn't meant them. but his words... he meant each and every one. and she didn't care that he was now seeing her break down right in front of his eyes. she couldn't hide her sorrow anymore. she cried even harder as she leaned forward slightly, threading her fingers into her hair.

steve steve pursed his lips, sending peggy one last apologetic glance before crouching down next to rey. he wish he could comfort her like he used to, but it felt too unfamiliar to him at the moment. "c'mon, rey. get up." he curled his hands around her forearms, making sure to be gently while he pulled her to stand. he meant the words in the heat of the moment, but now he was beginning to regret them. "i didn't mean it, alright?"

peggy peggy nodded her head swiftly as her eyes saddened. she knew he had to take care of this. he needed as many friends as he could get here in magnolia, seeing as they had enough enemies. and she didn't want one friendship to be ruined because of some simple jealousy. she kept some distance, but watched closely with a sympathetic expression as he tried to apologize.

rey "no... no..." rey cried as he, literally, tugged her up to her feet. it took a few moments for her to get a stable stance on the ground, but when she finally did, she began wiping at her eyes as her sobs became almost completely silent. "y-you did- you-..." she tried to say, but only wept harder, wiping at her eyes yet again and trying to move out of his grip. she was beyond humiliated and ashamed now and just wanted to go back inside where no one could see her.

peggy: wtf im tearing up

peggy: this is rly sad but its also bc of this study guide LMAO

peggy: but mostly bc of this bc aw

peggy: i miss my bbs

steve: omg dont crrrrrrrrrrrry

steve: im sobbing this sad ass song just came on my shuffle i feel it

peggy: right omfg

steve: speaking of shuffle wdyt about the plot shuffle

peggy: what about it

peggy: did they post it

steve: no they just talk about it when they get clique qs

peggy: oh lmao tru

steve: ive never done one b4

peggy: idk ugh

peggy: bc i dont want rey or peggy to be stuck with chars they've never interacted with

peggy: fml

steve: same dude

steve: can u imagine if peggy and negan had to be 2gether

peggy: riP

peggy: steve would be freaking tf out the whole time

steve: steve would literally bust through every door in magnolia to get to peggy

peggy: i love him what a nerd

steve the expression on rey's face caused an ache to spread through his chest. "i didn't, i-i swear." he murmured softly, struggling to hold back the lump in his throat. he couldn't believe he let his anger get the best of him and cause this. the last time he saw rey this upset, it had something to do with snoke. she was right, he lost everyone he loved. he always did. he looked back at peggy with forlorn eyes, almost as if he was making sure she was still there.

steve: im cryin

steve: ldr just came on im gonna fight

peggy: whats ldr

steve: lana del rey

peggy "it's okay," peggy mouthed to him when he turned to look at her, making a silent promise that she wasn't leaving anytime soon, unless he asked for privacy with rey. she understood that she wouldn't understand their friendship, and she didn't try to. it was for them, and none of her business. unless steve was being hurt.

peggy: nice

rey "you /did/, you did," rey sobbed, beating her fist weakly against his chest two times then just crying again. maybe if she wasn't so weak from the concussion, bruised ribs, and all the medication she was on, then she would've run away by now. or maybe she just didn't really want to run away. she wanted to stay, to bring back what they once had. "l-leave me alone," she pleaded anyway, attempting to tug her arms out of his grip, to no avail.

steve he let her hit him once again, her fists rekindling memories from their last fight. "stop, s-stop!" he curled his hands around hers, pushing them away from him. "stop this! stop trying to fight me, rey. i don't wanna fight anymore!" who would have thought, steve rogers, the kid who would fight anything or anyone, begging to avoid a quarrel.

steve: im screAMI

peggy: riP

peggy "steve," peggy gasped when he raised his voice, immediately stepping to his side and placing a hand on his shoulder. but she didn't stop him from speaking to her. he wanted this solved, and she didn't blame him. so she let it continue, and would only step in if things got really bad.

rey "then why would you /say/ that to me?" rey sobbed in distress, trying desperately to tug her hands out of his, though, obviously, that was impossible. he surely wasn't even using half his strength and she was using everything she had in her weak body. "y-you don't want to be my friend, you-you don't love me anymore..."

peggy: im em o

peggy: r u here

steve: IM HERE

peggy: YEET

steve "i'm sorry," steve looked down, letting his head hang low. he was apologizing to both of them at this point for losing his temper and control. "yes i do, rey! i never said that," his eyes were wide in confusion, "do you even want to be my friend? every time we're near each other we fight!"

peggy "it's okay, steve. m-maybe we should take this somewhere more private, though," peggy whispered, noting how people were beginning to stare at the three of them. if steve was recognized... the location of the wedding would be the smallest issue.

rey "of COURSE i do! i-... i miss you..." rey admitted, her voice thinning out to hardly nothing as she said it, finally peeking her eyes up to look up into his own. then she sobbed again as she shook her head. "but-but not after you said that. n-no... y-you meant every word... e-every word..."

peggy: midnight rip

peggy: and still working on this piece of shit.

steve: jesus h christ

steve steve nodded, instantly cooling down when he heard her voice. peggy was his happy place. any place, any situation; if peggy was there, he could do anything. "no i didn't, rey." his brow furrowed and his face fell once again. "let's go home, okay? come with us."

peggy peggy held onto steve's arm gently, though he was still holding a fragile rey up. she wondered to herself why she looked so sickly, but kept her thoughts to herself as she led them both inside, and up to their apartment. "i'll get some waters," she offered and stole a kiss when rey wasn't looking before moving into the kitchen to do so.

rey rey didn't want to go to their house, to where the two of them spent their time together. but the stress was overwhelming and she needed to sit down, but she didn't want to go to her home just yet. she still wanted desperately to fix things with steve. she let him practically pull her up the stairs and past the door, feeling too weak to do so at that point.

steve "okay." steve whispered quietly against her lips. he lead rey's weak frame to the couch, passing over the spot where the coffee table used to be. "-uh, are you alright?" he questioned, refusing to let go of the grip on her arm.

peggy "you don't seem too well," peggy agreed, bringing over a glass of water for each of them and setting it on the little makeshift table they had in place of the coffee table. she knelt before them and looked worriedly up at steve, silently asking him what was going on.

rey "yes," rey exhaled as he sat them down on the couch, closing her eyes and bringing her hands to her head. "i... d-derek and i were pushed down a flight of stairs... i hit my head and got knocked out. and bruised a couple of ribs... w-we went to the hospital and now i'm on five different kinds of medication..."

steve steve shook his head at peggy's questioning look. he had no idea what was going on. whatever it was, it was more than just her being upset. she looked horribly fatigued. "what?!" he exclaimed loudly. the floorboards in the house might as well vibrated at his staccato.

peggy: omg steeb my bb

steve: he cares so much about his girls

steve: peggy, rey, nat, wanda

peggy peggy's hands came up to her mouth at rey's admission, looking over at steve in shock. oh, no. she knew her steve; and she knew the guilt would hit him /hard/ after this. "i-i'll get some ice," she whispered immediately and jumped up, jogging to the kitchen to get some ice to cool rey down.

rey for some reason, she assumed steve had known about her injuries. but how could he possibly? they hadn't spoken in weeks. "i-i'm sorry, i thought you knew..." she admitted honestly, nodding in appreciation as peggy went to get her ice. then she moved her hair out of the way so steve could see the stitched up gash near her temple, with sweat-soaked bandages covering it.

rey: im emo

steve way to go, steve. he felt absolutely terrible for everything at this point. all previous guilt he had was superimposed at her admission. "o-oh, god, rey. i'm so sorry." his gaze fell to his hands, which he quickly retracted from her forearms and placed in his lap. once peggy returned with the ice, he gave peggy his best attempt at a smile.

peggy peggy knelt in front of them yet again as she finished wrapping the bag of ice in a paper towel, giving a small, hesitant smile back to steve. "back of your neck, darling," she said to rey, handing it over carefully. any friend of steve's was a friend of hers. she was choosing to look past their differences, as they obviously wanted to as well.

rey rey shook her head. "i-it's okay, i should've told you..." she whispered, feeling bad that she'd, accidentally, of course, kept him in the dark about it all. it was why she couldn't stand up when he told her to, why she couldn't leave when all she wanted to do was run away. but maybe it helped them reconcile in the end. "thank you..." she whispered to peggy and placed the pack on the back of her neck, leaning back against the couch pillow with a slow exhale.

peggy: LAST PAGE

peggy: ITS SO LIT

steve steve instantly sat up from his spot once peggy administered the ice. she didn't need to be on the floor anyways. "i don't blame you." after the whole coffee table mess, who would want to speak to him? he acted like a complete and utter fool in their apartment and in the park. "i'm sorry."

steve: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

peggy "no, no, no," peggy mouthed reassuringly, shaking her head and helping him to sit again. "you sit, i'm okay." obviously rey wanted, or needed, his support right now, and she was sure he needed hers as well. they had just come back together, after all.

rey rey opened her eyes and looked sorrowfully over at steve, shaking her head gently. "don't apologize, it's my fault too... i-i didn't mean anything i said either, i just wanted your attention again..." she admitted. speaking of... she looked down at peggy sadly. "i-i'm sorry i was so jealous... it led me to do things that i wouldn't usually do. bad things, and it wrecked my relationship with the best friend i've ever had. so i'm sorry..."

steve steve responded to peggy's refusal with a tight lipped nod. "you didn't wreck anything." he murmured with sad eyes. "i shouldn't have got angry when you told me what you did. i acted the same way when you were with derek."

peggy: omg wtf when did u get here

peggy peggy smiled kindly and nodded to rey, gently patting her knee. "it's alright... everything's all better now," she reassured her with a light, soothing tone. obviously she and steve were very close, and it made her sad to think that they'd spent so much time apart because of peggy herself.

rey right... derek. that was a whole other ordeal that she still had to sort through. her eyes closed slowly as she let out a heavy sigh, readjusting the ice pack on the back of her neck. "i don't know what's going on with us now..." she admitted quietly, peeking up at steve again. "i want to be married to him... /so/ badly, but... but he's still not ready yet. and it's been /two months/... we've known each other for three of them... he doesn't understand that i haven't had a real connection with anyone for fifteen years... i don't want to waste anymore time in my life..."

[survivor-mesopotamia]

Ep. #2 - “Shit ain’t over till the fat lady sings and I didn’t warm my pipes.” (Cameron)

Day 4: Well. I survived my first tribal council of the season, and even though it went exactly according to plan, while I slept my entire day away, I'm still really hesitant to tell myself that I'm doing well on my tribe. I'm really nervous that my tribe mates are playing me, and that I'm really boo boo tha fool here. I called Megan post-tribal, and I was finally able to get some closure on something that happened between us in our personal lives, which felt really good. After that, she asked me about the idol, to which I had responded "Wait, Julian didn't tell you?", which hopefully sows some seeds of doubt in Megan about Julian. Ideally, if the Enlil tribe has to go back to tribal council, the four of us can bear witness to a Megan vs. Julian war. Because unfortunately, the connections I have outside Enlil, are shared with either Julian or Megan. If Megan and Julian are going after each other pre-merge, or during a swap scenario, I don't have to share those connections anymore. After that, Megan and I just talked about the nudes we received during quarantine ~ I then promptly ran to Will to tell him about the potential crack I just formed between Julian and Megan, which was met with genuine excitement. I think I'm really gaining Will's trust, and I think we vibe so well together. Love that guy! Overall, it wasn't a very productive day because I woke up at 4:30p PST. Love that for me, thanks for shading me @ Tribal Bodhi.

going into this scavenger hunt as the tribe that went to tribal last is worrysome. It's a challenge that's fully dependent on our activity, so we are at a serious disadvantage against the other two tribes that get to choose someone less active to sit out. We don't have that luxury. The point/life system eases the blow, however, since we can get less active players 1 life while more active players can get 3. In case we lose, I'm trying to connect with everyone on the tribe. I really don't want to vote anyone out though. I have an alliance with Julian and JJ, and one with Will on the side. Chrissa wants to work with Julian, JJ and myself, and I think Megan and JJ have something on the side. I'm nervous for who would be the target in the vote, and any vote would hurt all of our games collectively. Hopefully we win because the next vote will not be easy AT ALL.

Done w typing this sheet

jj and zachary are so fucking annoying to this challenge and if i vote for you first at the swap, its probably because youre typing too much during this challenge sorry not sorry xoxo - sincerely johnny a month from now

let me be clear with andrew I was not calling his hosting unfair i was calling the fact that a majority green item giving him a point unfair not the hosting but lack of yellow, also i have a headache i don't feel that good. and I just don't think zach should have had a point for it nothing against hosting obviously i watch a movie trivia thing where literally they have a challenge to challenge any questions that are unfair, that doesn't mean they are calling the question writers or the answer writers unfair. 

Zach just won the tribal challenge for us which is fantastic. We can maintain the illusion of a unified tribe longer, which keeps us together in a swap situation, and Zach has clearly painted a challenge target on himself over the last two challenges which will make him go before me if our Triforce ever becomes the minority. I'm really happy with my position in the game right now

me and monty trying to find the idol and decode this annoying ass video https://imgur.com/a/lu7sbMu

Forgive me father for I have sinned it's been approximately three days since my last confession so far can't complain really we be winning they hating we be riding pretty damn clean I've got a majoritu alliance I didn't start so odds of it falling around me and being the first voted out slim to none thank the sweet baby jesis and all that good shit. Oh well that's all for now

JULIAN’S HOST CHAT GUEST, ZEE:

I am filling in a confessional because you told me to. I am in front of my fan because it's hot. I'm thinking that it seems pretty stupid to ask me for a confessional. Julian's prod chat isn't very interesting because he's distracted.

also just threw out madison's name to johnny. if this shit backfires on me ill be ):

https://youtu.be/Pqck1gayfJU

https://youtu.be/FMay7NycsPw

yo yo yo homies!!! fuck the scavenger hunt and the mobile Skype app !! Lowkey scared but I think I’m close with everyone on the tribe except madi soooooooooo that’s probably who will go tonight. I’ve connected a lot with Monty and am hoping we can work together closely moving forward 💕not sure how useful my relationship with Zach is going to be come swap/merge bc it seems like he’s ALREADY making himself a target like the big doof he is. More later 💋

https://youtu.be/Qg47yupj1bQ

https://youtu.be/vUK8A1qWVoA

Hello tumblr survivor world! Sorry I didnt confess for episode 1, I was going to but i accidentally exited out of the page when i almost finished writing it. Anyways, it was just a cast assessment for my tribe so tl;dr everyone on my tribe is great and its really sad that we have to vote someone out now. So this whole weekend I was away so I was REALLY worried that I would be voted out since I sat out of the challenge. But after talking to Johnny and Isabelle, it seems like Madison will be voted out tonight. Which is so bad bc this her first game in a year, but hey it's our first vote and it's not me so it's not really the time to make a stand. _________________________________________________________________________________________ Okay I took a break from writing this confessional and there's moreeeeeeeee so part 2 I guess. So I had a call with Johnny and we came up with an alliance of me, him, Isabelle, and Benji. What an iconic alliance, right? But also while Johnny and I talked we got onto the topic of idols and why it is that there hasn't been an idol post yet. I brought up that wayyyyyy back when in Malaysia and some other games around that time, some of the idol hunts were less clear cut. We ended up looking at the blog and clicking the "idol system" tab and it brought us to some weird crab video with audio that sounds like a pokemon cry? Idk part of me thinks its just a joke but I also have to consider that it might be SOMETHING. It said remember to like and subscribe so I sent a screenshot of me liking and subscribing to see if that would do anything but nope. Johnny said he'd do some thinking about it and get back to me later if he figures something out. Also tribal seems super clear cut so I'm a bit less worried now but y'know how it is I can't not worry about tribal.

i just spent $8 on a spectogram and STILL cant find this fucking idol im gonna kms... monty im sorry im steam rolling ahead looking for this thing without telling you, but thank you for the first clue xoxo... if i get stumped in the future ill reach out for SURE (but idt you trust me that much so this seems kinda valid to me) ((FOUR HOURS LATER: i told monty lololol)) ALSO FOR FUCKS SAKE I think madison is gonna go, and truthfully, im fine with it because it's the easiest thing to do due to her poor performance in the past few challenges and just being the least AROUND the tribe, but i know that it'd probably be better for me long term to get rid of abby because i just dont see her as a long term ally for me. i think she's close to JJ and Megan on the other tribe, and she's becoming much more acclimated to the tumblr survivor community that i just BET that she maybe has an additional connection on the rookie tribe. If I can attempt to break that up before we get to a swap, I think that's what im going to have to do figure out if we lose another challenge before a swap... i dont really want to see ANYBODY else go besides abby if im thinking about a second boot. i bet it wont be easy to take her out tho also, if madison goes, this is like...... lowkey vindication for game changers???? last night i talked about this with monty and i was like hmmmm "is it ugly to bring up past game history?" and his response was "not if it's within the same series" .... so. vindication

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omg i just told madison how to find the idol system thing i hope she doesnt tell anyone i told her about it LMAO........ this almost seems too easy.i got added to two alliances today. why do i not feel safe? is it me going? WTF IS GOING ON

excited to be first boot because no one will TALK TO ME! 

Things haven’t changed much since my last confessional! As far as I know the tribe hasn’t started into alliances and we’re all riding some excitement at having so far avoided tribal. I think the rest of the tribe and I are all feeling good and just focusing on making the tribe switch without losing any members.

from round 2 https://youtu.be/fk002uG2HoI

Hi sorry I forgot to do a confessional this round so this will be short imma just say a few things 1. I don’t trust julian one bit he can stop being shady to me 2. I can’t believe we aren’t going to tribal I’m so fkn happy i was able to pull out the win for our tribe because I didn’t want to lose anybody else 3. I love and adore will with all of my being and he’s my number 1 ally right now 4. I find it highly doubtful that there’s only one idol in this game and that you can’t find it until merge but that’s as far as I can get in the idol search for now so I guess there’s nothing I can do about it 5. I’m still having fun can’t wait to fuck up another flash game yay!!!

My Purple edit is amazing right now. But having played more games than most of these newbies, I have decided to take on the role of teacher and becoming more of a "role model" for these newbies. I feel like I have the closest bond with Zach, and I need to get a little closer with Collin. I have Grace from past games, and then there are the others who I do not really have any strong bonds with at the moment. I guess I need to start going to them more and show that I want to work with them.

https://youtu.be/yhwXzqrTcsA Confessional 2 for round 2

https://youtu.be/TVnpwqc8XLY

Madison voted out 6-1