#like he knows exactly what Connor is feeling but he is so incapable of being normal that he instead says out loud BOTH of their worst fears | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rjhpandapaws · 3 years

Note

This is for the ask event! The prompt I have is where Connor is struggling with being deviant after the revolution. He tries to act just like a non-deviant towards everyone. And when Hank realizes what's going on, he tries to comfort Connor. He tries to tell Connor that he doesn't have to be 'just a robot' anymore.

//I am in love with this! Thank you!!!!

It was the jacket, if Hank had to pick the first tiny red flag after the revolution that had him worried for Connor. He hadn’t gotten rid of that damn jacket, it was like a brand and Hank hated it. These things took time he supposed. One week you were a machine designed to track and hunt your own kind, the next you were a person. It was not only a big change but a sudden one. Hank could understand the difficulty to let go of it; there were things he still carried with him after all. The next was the way he spoke, it was still measured and artificial. Connor was still trying to please whomever he was with. It had been easy at first to just assume that Connor’s personality was that of someone who was mild mannered, it would make sense. There were two issues with that though; someone who was mild mannered probably wouldn’t have broken your god damned kitchen window to get inside when they were otherwise capable of getting through the door, and the fact when Hank had casually asked his opinion on something he was well aware Connor wouldn’t have liked he rolled to red for a long moment before picking an answer designed to appease him. Hank would have liked to say that he understood the struggle; but he didn’t, becoming an alcoholic was easy. Becoming a sentient being, he had to imagine was not. The one thing Hank considered himself well versed in though, was taking baby steps, if AA had taught him anything, that was the place to start. Find the smallest thing Connor was struggling with and start there. It seemed easy enough; until Hank thought about the fact that it involved getting Connor to open up to him honestly rather than just trying to say what he thought Hank wanted to hear.

Connor had a particular fondness for Sumo, perhaps he could be the icebreaker. Hank was well aware that he was probably putting more thought into this than a ‘concerned coworker’ ought to, but you could only watch someone come into themself so many times before you were invested, and the number of times Connor had been through this just during the case was well over whatever that number was. The kid deserved a break, god knows he earned it after every thing. So that was his plan. Invite Connor over to see Sumo and go from there. He wasn’t sure what he would do, but he had seen glimpses of who Connor was beneath his coding and he wanted to let that version of him out. A selfish motive? Probably, but that was okay. Connor had been suspicious, which was fair. Hank hadn’t been all that great to him at first, but his fascination with dogs apparently had won out and he agreed to come over on Saturday and spend the day with them. Of course, the one part of this plan Hank had overlooked was needing to have his house somewhat presentable. Sure Connor had seen it before, but Hank liked to believe he had made progress since then. The state of his house would dare to disagree.

His evenings amounted to a marginally successful attempt to give Sumo a bath, cleaning his house, and trying to find bottled thirium that wasn’t overly expensive. He found a carbonated kind that he thought Connor might find interesting and bought that as well. He also bought beer, but he could tweak that into a good friend didn’t let their guest drink alone. Connor probably wouldn’t believe it, but that was an issue for another time. The thing about keeping busy was that the weekdays tended to roll by a little faster, so it was Saturday before Hank was mentally prepared for it. He reminded himself that he wasn’t trying to solve this problem; if he was honest, he knew he probably couldn’t even if he tired; he was just looking for a starting point. Something to give Connor to remind him of his agency. That didn’t make him anymore ready for the long buzz of his doorbell at ten in the morning. That was one thing that was uniquely Connor he supposed, the kid rang doorbells like an ass. Hank chuckled at the thought as he opened the door and used his free hand to hold on to Sumo’s collar so he wouldn’t knock Connor over. “I hope I’m not here too early.” Connor said in way of a greeting as he came inside. “You’re fine.” Hank responded, “I’ll be honest though, when I said you could come over at anytime today I was worried you show up at the ass crack of dawn.” “I thought about it.” Connor smiled, it was his artificial one, but it was better than nothing, “But you aren’t known for being up in the mornings.”

Hank rolled his eyes as he let go of Sumo, he was glad for the banter. Sumo was glad for the company as he immediately jumped on Connor. For a moment Hank was worried Connor would be knocked flat, but he only moved one of his feet back half a step and braced himself. He held Sumo’s weight and gladly showered him in attention while Sumo investigated their new houseguest. It was only slight, but Connor’s calculated exterior thawed some. That was progress. Sumo seemed to have satisfied his curiosity and settled back on the floor, though he kept close to his new friend. The smile was still on Connor’s lips but it was softer now, a little more natural and Hank wondered if he even knew he was doing it. “Did you need help with a case?” Connor asked as Hank moved toward the living room. “No.” Hank replied, “I could use the company and you could use a break.” “I don’t need to take breaks. I can incapable of feeling exhaustion.” Came Connor’s remark. “Trust me kid, just because you don’t feel it, or aren’t ‘supposed’ to doesn’t mean its not there.” Hank explained as he settled onto the couch, “You’ve been through a lot, and while you might be feeling alright, that doesn’t mean you aren’t stressed. One day alright, that’s all I’m asking.”

Connor was standing at the far end of the couch and he was on red again, and oblivious to Sumo nudging at his hand. He had never seen Connor with so much emotion on his features, he felt guilty that the emotion of the moment seemed to be panic, but he would take that over the blank expression that was his default. “How - hypothetically speaking of course- how would someone know they were stressed... If they had never felt such a thing before?” Hank hummed as Connor sat down on the couch and finally paid mind to Sumo again. “Hypothetically speaking, it would come across as losing interest in the things that person liked to do; things like work, licking god awful substances, asking invasive questions, and telling their partner exactly what inedible things are in their chicken sandwich. Then its falling back on the routines you have built for yourself or learned from others and following them rigidly, anything to make things more manageable. They might distance themself from the people around them and bury themself in work, because they need to keep busy.” He watched Connor’s LED roll, it was blue with flicks of yellow on occasion, and Hank was almost certain he saw a flash of red once. Connor was absently petting the top of Sumo’s head as he chased his own thoughts. Hank had never seen him this pensive before, not even at the worst of their crime scenes. “Hypothetically speaking again, how would you suggest someone overcome that stress?”

“Take a break.” Hank said without hesitating, “A day or a weekend to just be. Whatever that means for them, spending time with a friend, going clothes shopping, licking something questionable. Something that they liked that they haven’t gotten to do in a while.” “So, if they wanted to get rid of a jacket or some clothes, that would be okay?” Connor didn’t quite drop the pretense of the hypothetical, but internally Hank cheered. “I would say they should go for it.” He said with a smile. “Hank. I would like to burn my issued clothes if that is ok.” Connor said in a serious enough tone that had Hank choking on a laugh. “When it starts getting dark we can have a bon fire, but first we need to get you something else to wear.” Hank agreed. While it wasn’t how he thought today would go, Hank counted it as a victory.

@inverted-writes

(Prompt from this list)

#Canonverse 'short'#Hank and Connor #dbh Hank #dbh Connor #rk800 #160 follower ask event!#ask panda #panda has all the answers!

53 notes · View notes

jitter-bug · 4 years

Text

Just Like Me

Taglist: @artemisfowl11

Nines x Reader (Detroit: Become Human)

A/n: Did I hear costumes with a plot twist? And 10x scary???👀 so that the request wouldn't be too short ???🔫👀 I certainly fuckin' did. This one is too long. Sorry for rush. I love you :') plz enjoy(plz) I have so many request. And I am getting around to all of them. So don't worry for anyone that's waiting for your request, they will get done I promise! (Plz don't hurt me--)❤ enjoy- p.s I also had a hard time choosing the costume. I wanted something race neutral because as a person of color myself. There's not many couple costumes out there, that...you know. So 😌 uh. I had to run off a limb here for all my POC readers. (Gang gang 😩) (give me feedback if you any more of this, I know some people messaged me about continuing Fear. I don't do series. But I'll do em' we lit over here😩😪💅) p.s.s I edited it to gender neutral, so sorry for any errors-- (donthurtme)

"What do you mean, no?" The defeated tone of the detective echoed through the bullpen. Arms crossed as they stared at Hank. He was sitting at his desk. A hand placed on the desk as he stared at the terminal. In a way so he wouldn't have to stare at the perplexed expression of Y/n.

"Kid. I'm too damn old to be dressing up in costumes." Was his reply.

Y/n had woken up that very morning. An idea engraved in their brain like their body threatened them to remember it and not let the wonderful idea go.

The DPD was throwing a Halloween party. Which was really a celebration for Chris, he was finally promoted to being an official Detective, and for his celebration. There would be a themed party. Considering the fact that Halloween was creeping in around the corner. Y/n soon thought that they wanted to wear a costume, with someone that is. They thought sharing laughs or even going to the party dressed as characters would be fun and yet entertaining. Their first thought was Hank. But, he undoubtedly shot the idea down. And declined. Hank saw the unamused expression on their face when he tore his gaze from the terminal. Their fist was planted on his desk. As their hand was on their hip. Their eyebrows furrowed. Giving him a look that he was used to seeing when they helped him speak with suspects in the interrogation room. Though, their expression was not as hard and more so serious.

Connor, who was sitting at his desk. Across from Hank. Stared between the two. His LED teetering back and forth from yellow to stark red.

"Go ask Gavin." Hank brought up the name that seemed alien to him as he scoffed slightly at his name. Y/n quickly lost their expression before shaking her head. They couldn't say Y/n and Gavin were enemies. But they haven't interacted with each other to a point where Y/n would see themself asking him to join them on their dress up crusade.

"No." They replied. Hank has been staring at the ceiling. Arms crossed. Once hearing Y/n once again. He landed his gaze back onto them. His index finger tapping his arm.

"Go ask your partner."

Nines stared at Y/n. The two staring right through each other, but Y/n could feel themself crumble under his steel gaze. His eyebrows furrowed slightly. In an attempt to see through Y/n.

Nines originally was Gavin Reed's partner. Until Chris was recently promoted to a Detective and made to be Gavin's partner. Which pulled Y/n from Hank and Connor, into being Nine's newest partner.

Before then. They hadn't really interacted with him. Occasional greetings and ludicrous jokes between Y/n and Gavin. In which the rk900 ignored, he never cared to learn much about Y/n- or anyone at the station at that. He was reserved, observant, stern and very stoic. He...lacked certain things other deviant androids had.

Emotions.

People around the prescient knew about him. But never spoke to him, reasons being his lack of expressing himself gave people the assumption that Nines was genuinely just a rude android. Which...Y/n could see why. He didn't tolerate childish behavior, at all. Rarely participated in any outings the station threw, such as celebrations if someone was promoted. Birthday parties. Or just a genuine outing to celebrate and catch up with one another. Nines was always at the station, he - In a way deemed to separate himself from others. His eyebrows were always furrowed. In a way to resemble a scowl of some sort...which he always did.

Of course, Y/n could somewhat tolerate him, once they were paired together, Nines was non-stop pestering Y/n with things they needed to get done, things that weren't done right. He always pointed out the imperfections and mistakes rather than the good. Y/n couldn't say they were exactly friends with the rk900. He made it hard for it to be anything other than being partners. But, today was the day, Y/n decided it would be best to try and find a way through his cold exterior.

Nines didn't say anything. Y/n held her hands behind her back. The slightest smile trying to make its way onto their face. "So...I was thinking."

They started. They didn't feel nervous. But rather awkward from the sudden request. Nines didn't say anything. Instead keep his arms behind his back as Y/n slowly sat down on the desk. Planting their hands on their knees. "I was thinking, maybe me and you should go to Chris's celebration together tomorrow night, you know. As partners? Amigos? Buddies?" Y/n reached up. Placing a half-heartedly punch on Nine's shoulder.

"And. You know. Dress up? Costumes? I'd think you'd enjoy it. You know, you've been really working your heart out for these past few weeks Nines, and I think maybe you would like a break. You know, wind down." They explained. In their head. The explanation was fool-proof. Nines had been working a lot. In fact. The whole station was. With the new cases of Red Ice popping up around Detroit. Everyone had constantly been on their toes.

"I'm incapable of getting tired, Detective." Nines replied. He turned to fully face Y/n. His arms that were once behind his back, now by his side.

Y/n felt themself run into a dead end.

"I know that Nine's I'm not stupid." She muttered. Instead of replying. He only stared at her. Blinking once, that was so it took. Y/n could tell what he was thinking. They sneered.

"That's not funny, I'm serious."

"My apologies. I was unaware I was making a joke--"

"Anyway!" Snapping their fingers to get back on track. Y/n sighed. Rubbing their temple before looking back at Nine's form.

"If. You go to the party with me, and agree to wear a costume with me. I promise I'll stop fooling around on the field." They tried to compromise watching as Nine's was already turning away from her to walk over to his desk.

"I'll even stop making those lame ass jokes for an entire week. I can't say for..forever, But I mean a week has to be at least decent." They spoke up. Raising their voice so he could listen.

"A month." Nines said. His back turned from them. But Y/n could see him grabbing stacks of papers and placing them in their designated manilla folders. Y/n stared at his back. Eyebrows furrowed as they tried to piece together what he meant, the rk900 seemed to be aware of how perplexed she was.

"You'll focus on the assigned case you have, without constantly getting distracted, for a month. If you can agree to that. Then you've found yourself someone to go to the party with."

He explained. Y/n jumped slightly, the excitement shot through them like electricity, sparking them to life. This was new! Certainly new!

"Wait, are you serious? Oh my god!" They squealed. Kicking their feet so hard Y/n was afraid their shoe would fly off, flying across the room. As funny as the scenario might sound, Y/n was too distracted with the offer to worry about anything else.

"1 month?" They asks.

"1 month." He repeats.

"I mean...what about 2 weeks?" They bargained. A month, where they couldn't bullshit around at work. It felt like a sin to Y/n.

"1 month."

"But...Nines that's too long." They tried to whine. But Nines turned around. Holding the folders in his hands.

"1 month." He repeats.

"2 weeks?"

"1 month."

"....3 weeks?"

"1 month."

"No! Come on. 2 weeks. Take it or leave it!" Y/n shoots their hands in the air. Drastically expressing their distress. But Nines didn't seem to show an ounce of sorrow or care for the matter.

"Do I hear 2 months?"

"Okay, no! 1 month!"

With what Y/n assumed would be the end of the discussion to Nines. He nods.

"Okay then. Now. What is it that you have planned?"

"Okay. So. I think maybe we should do something scary. 2 years ago. Me and Hank dressed up as clowns, and scared the hell out of Gavin. It was hilarious." Y/n absently spoke. They searched through their phone for ideas that may spark interest in them. Deciding on creating something new and from scratch.

Nines was busy placing items in Y/n's bag so the two could leave the station and do whatever it was Y/n had in store.

Nines zipped up the bookbag before turning away from the desk to face. Only to find them already examining his form.

The yellow soon took the place of the blue on his LED. His eyebrows furrowed.

"What?" He asks. Y/n hummed.

"I was thinking of what would suit you." They replied. As they spoke Nines handed Y/n their bookbag, which they thanked him before slipping it on over their shoulders.

"We can head to my house and see ideas from there." Y/n started. Adjusting the straps onto their shoulders as they took several steps forward towards the exit. They didn't have much time from now till tomorrow night, the gears in Y/n's head were turning. What should they do? What should they dress as for their costumes? And most importantly. Make sure Nines had a good night out for his first ever outing.

Y/n placed the phone back in theirpocket. Before reaching over to unlock the door. They felt Nines walk behind them, swatting and flicking their hand away from the latch to open the door.

"I'm driving. You get to the passenger side and think about what your plan will be." Nines spoke. Y/n flinched their hand away from the latch.

"Ow, okay, okay--" they made their way around the car to the passenger side. Y/n was positive the only real reason he wanted Y/n to sit out on driving was because last time they were behind the wheel, a favorite song of theirs that they vaguely remembered from some time ago came on the radio station when they were patrolling the downtown area of Detroit.

All Y/n could say was how Nines was extremely pissed with their screeching out lyrics that he wasn't paying attention to. More of Y/n's abrupt screaming. Which is why he didn't want them touching the wheel while he was in the car with them.

Slipping inside the car. Y/n closed the door. Hearing from their opposite side that Nines was in the car as well.

"Keys." He spoke up. Y/n automatically reached in their dress pants pockets in search of the keys. Once feeling the cool metal against their digits. They handed them to Nines. Where as he started the car.

Y/n slide off their bookbag. And turned to toss it in the back of the car. Where a paper bag was seen lazily balled up on the floor. Seeing the Red Ice cases increased exponentially, there were many stakeouts that Y/n and Nines were assigned to. Sitting out in the car for long periods of time did spike up an appetite in Y/n's stomach every once in a while. Of course, Nines scolded them for not eating before arriving on the scene, but that didn't stop them from getting food.

Once situated and Nines driving down the street. Y/n slipped their phone back out.

"So. How do you feel being a butcher?" They asks. Nines stared at the road. Silent for a moment as he contemplated what Y/n said.

"A butcher..? Odd, how would that in any way be a good costume?" He asks. Y/n placed their phone their lap.

"Bloody butcher. You know. Kill people? Chop chop? Blood. Chains and all that jazz." They replied. Flipping through the many photos of cheap costumes that would wear out in later than a few months if they were to purchase one.

"I can't make a firm decision on what to wear. You do that." He spoke up. Y/n hummed in acknowledgment. As much as they wanted Nines to choose for himself. He often had a hard time doing so. Of course he did things his own way, but only for a purpose of doing his job. Completing his mission.

"Well then. Butcher it is," they replied.

Once making it into the warm house that groped around Y/n with its comforting warmth. Y/n dropped their bookbag on the ground by the couch. Plopping down onto the cushion. And letting out a long needed sigh. They heard Nines close and lock the front door.

The tension in Y/n's muscles slowly eased its way into relaxation. This wasn't the first time Nines had seen Y/n's place. Only resorting to be at their doorstep to wake them up at ungodly hours for emergency crime scenes that so happened to pop up out of nowhere. Or to drive them home when they are tired to do it half the time themself.

The TV was still on playing from earlier in the morning when Y/n left. On the same channel and same soft spoken volume.

"Alright. Come on. Sit." They finally mustered up the energy to speak. Nines - who was standing next to the couch, took a seat next to Y/n as they opened their phone once more.

"So. I was thinking on the way here. A bloody butcher. Both you and I. I think that would be fun." They proclaimed it was some extremely good news. But to Nines, it was more of good news to Y/n, but he didn't say anything. His pale optics pierced Y/n's face. His eyebrows raised slightly. Y/n gave him a smile, one of reassurance. "Oh come on, don't worry. You'll love it. I saw you have a knack for violent things." They chuckled. Moving over to their coffee table to pick up the laptop that was sitting on it. Nines LED flickered a stark red.

"I'm assuming you would think I'm a violent person because of how I handle things on the field?" It didn't sound like much of a question.

"Well duh. You do tend to man-handle the hell out of the suspects." Y/n replied. Nines didn't say anything else. Instead, watch as Y/n typed into the computer. After a while. They sat back on the couch and glanced at Nines.

"This should work out. Not to mention be a good sight for my budget." They said. Y/n turned the laptop around and showed a photo of the costume, which was just general ideas of what items they planned on looking for.

Nines stared at the screen. His LED circling around. Once. Twice. Before turning yellow.

"Are you purchasing these from a store?" He asks. Y/n nods. Nines nods as well.

"Yeah. Tomorrow after work we both are going to go gather the materials to put together the costume. Oh, this should be fun! Believe it or not. Gavin is such a scary cat. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to scare the hell out of him!" They gave a laugh before setting the laptop on the table.

"But, really Nines. Thanks for agreeing to do this with me. I promise. That when this is all over. I'll not goof around for 1 entire month." They said. Y/n lifted their hand, poking out their pinkie finger. Nines stared at their hand before looking at them.He lifted his hand before pushing Y/n's hand away with his back hand.

"I'll take your word on it, Detective." He says.

"Oh come on. Don't be like that. Smile for once. My gosh." Y/n lets out a chuckle. Lifting one hand to pull at his cheek. Her thumb tugging at the corner of his right lip in an attempt to tug it upwards. Nines - once again, swatted their hand away from his face. A scowl interrupting his blank expression.

"Stop."

"Whatever, tomorrow. It'll be great, you'll have fun, I promise."

Nines watched as Y/n stated at the rack of clothes. Having trouble deciding what Nines would best fit his costume. They decided to purchase his first. The two left the station an hour ago, to get ready for the party that was only 4 hours away. And time was ticking rather quickly with Y/n staring at the rack of clothes as if they had a hard time finding what to wear.

Nines felt his hand lift up. Rubbing at his temple. His elbow resting on his other arm which was across his torso.

"Y/n..."

Y/n let out a hum, signalling they heard what he said but kept their gaze on the rack.

"I think this would go by much quicker, if I were to pick out the clothes, and when you get home. You can put them together." He spoke. Y/n turned to face Nines. He saw them cross their arms.

"Are you calling me slow?" They asks. But, he could tell Y/n wasn't offended by their ack of anger that he so happened to be acquainted with.

"More, indecisive." He corrected. He saw their eyebrows furrow. But they quickly rose up as they understood what he meant.

"I'm not having a hard time picking...just--look, this is supposed to be a me and you thing. Partner to partner, friend to friend. You know. So we can spend more time together instead of always yelling at each other like at work."

It was true. Nines and Y/n rarely got a long at work, Nines being a reason for the constant start of an argument between him and Y/n. That being either working on a case. At the station. Or even at a stake out. He always seemed to feed the flame just to spark Y/n's anger into nothing more than a hungry flame ready to lash out at anyone. But that was because Nines wanted things done the way he wanted them done. And Y/n rarely gave him what he wanted...and that was being serious on the job. But the explanation did make sense. More time spent outside to get to know more about each other...or rather spend more time with each other, could lower their rate or going after each other's throats.

"So, you know. Come on. Let's Both pick our stuff out together." A hint of hope was evident in Y/n's voice. Nines nods, taking several steps forward, to analyse the rack.

"I think you can do something with this."

"Ow! Stop! Stop!" Y/n hissed in pain, feeling Nines peel off the face mask from their face. They tried lifting their hand up to push his hand away. But he was one step ahead. Smacking their hand away for the upteempth time that week. The two finished picking out the clothing and items for their costume, only had 2 hours left to get dressed and ready, a lady that was an entrepreneur and had a clothing line. Gracefully gave Y/n and Nines a discount on what they needed for their costumes. Finding the generous offer kind, Y/n paid more than needed for the clothes, and spent almost half an hour speaking to the woman. Which knocked off much more time than needed. And Nines didn't want any delays in getting dressed - so almost immediately once the two reached Y/n's house. He started laying out stuff so the two could get ready.

The first step being to peel off the face mask for Y/n so once they put the make up on their face for the costume it wouldn't be mixed with any bacteria and dirt. Which also was a pain in Y/n's ass to feel the mask pulling at their skin. And how Nines didn't seem to care much, instead. Resulting in him snatching off the mask piece by piece.

"You asshole! You're doing that on purpose!" Y/n barked. They reached up to punch Nines in his chest. But was interrupted by him snagging at the mask on their face once again. Placing the pieces in a trash can he took from the kitchen.

"It shouldn't hurt that bad, stop whining. Or else this will take much longer than needed." He finally spoke up. Y/n sneered slightly as they felt him tilt their head so he could get the rest of the god-forbidden mask that seemed to be glued to their skin.

After finally getting the pieces peeled off and placed in the trash. Nines stood up to take the trash back to its original spot in the kitchen. Y/n rubbed at their face. The skin feeling somewhat smoother, her pores finally able to get air comfortably.

"Okay. Happy? The horrible dreadful part, as you quoted, is out of the way." Nines said. As he spoke Y/n mumbled a 'fucking finally' - and stood up.

"Okay, we have plenty of time, Oh my god, this is going to be fun. Okay!" Almost immediately, Nines saw the excited expression overtake their expression again. Watching as they grabbed one of the bags and tossed it over to Nines.

"Get dressed. I'll come back in here when I'm done."

Y/n was surprised with how their costume came out. The idea in their mind wasn't as exciting as they once was thinking. But seeing the white knee length apron. Black dress shirt, the tattered jeans that were tucked into the dark rain boots showed that the costume was supposed to resemble some sort of butcher. A few things are missing here and there. But was still proud of how it came out.

Deciding on going back in the living room to get the last back on the coffee table they remembered leaving on the table. Which contained the makeup and fake blood for the costumes...which of course was supposed to be added last.

Walking down the hall and into the living room. Which was empty, in which Y/n didn't seem to take surprise. Thinking Nines went off somewhere in the house(such as the bathroom) , go get dressed. They didn't bother calling out for him. Instead, picking up the bag on the table to look through it. Seeing the many items in the bag, having a hard time choosing what to use first, they stared at the back in contemplation. Unaware of the sauntering figure that was creeping up behind them.

Deciding on finding it to be best, wait for Nines to come back and help with choosing what happens next. They places the bag on the table once again. They turned around to go and look for Nines. Only to quickly pause in their movement upon seeing the figure behind them Y/n jumped slightly. Their calves hit the coffee table.

It was Nines, dressed in the costume, the black apron tied to his waist tightly, instead of a dress shirt that Y/n sported, Nines had on a black turtleneck, which really fit with the costume. Y/n could see the chains wrapped around his wrist, the sound of the metal clanking against each other.

They saw the pig mask, the one Y/n picked out because Y/n found it oddly suiting Nines. The boar's head seemed pretty realistic, the blemishes and red markings on the facial area wavered Y/n's sense of security. They could barely see his eyes through the mask...where the eyes are of course.

"Jeez. You scared me there for a second." Y/n mumbled.

But, Nines didn't say anything. The feeling of his form towering over Y/n, made them realize how some suspects the two brought in everyday had to face his wrath in an interrogation...or just a simple ass kicking. From what Y/n remembers. Nines never lost in a single fight.

"Is this your way in trying to scare me? If so. It's not working." They let out a chuckle, which was half-heartedly. Nines - instead of replying. Let out a grunt. Which Y/n could deem animalistic. Y/n flinched. Shooting him a glare in a way to get him to knock off whatever he was pulling.

"The hell? Did you growl at me?" They spat. Instead of - once again. Not replying. Nines turned around to walk off down the hall where the bathroom was located.

"Where are you going?" They asks. There was no reply. Only the sound of the chains clanking against each other and the squeaking of the rainboots answered them question.

"..." Y/n felt their eyebrow twitch. Almost a second letter. Nines came back out the hall. Looking the same, except holding the boars mask in his hand, which he didn't seem to have any interest in wearing.

"Dude, what the hell?"

Nines looked at Y/n. His LED flickering to yellow almost instantly. He raised an eyebrow; "is there a problem?" He asks. Y/n scrunched their nose up and nodded.

"Uh, yeah. You were just out here - not even a minute ago. You just walked off. Not to mention, growled at me." They answered. Y/n saw the LED on Nines temple slowly circled to the stark red, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I was in the bathroom all this time." He said. Y/n only gave him a blank expression. Which only remsebled an expression that they didn't believe what he said.

"I was--"

"Anyway. Come on. Let's put this last bit of stuff on so we can leave."

"You're getting blood everywhere." Nines informed. Watching as Y/n drove down the ride they tried sitting themselves in the seat comfortably so the fake blood on the apron wouldn't smear on the car seat. It would be a pain to get it out.

"I know that, Nines. Shut up, pighead. Besides, it's not even real." They muttered. Nines lifted the corner of his lip in a way to sneer.

"Hilarious. I almost forgot to laugh at that one."

"You forget to laugh everyday." They quickly shot back. Nines only rubbed his temple with a sigh. "You truly are a mess." He sighs. Y/n laughed, keeping their eyes on the road.

"You're damn right, a hot mess. Trust me. Tonight will be fun! Don't worry, really!" Nines didn't reply. Instead watched the road and the many buildings that passed by. His gray optics flickered over to Y/n. Spending an entire day with his partner did have its ups and downs. But it wasn't as life-threatening as he thought it would be.

"So. Are you enjoying yourself so far? You know. Being costume twins and all. I think it's fun." Y/n asked. Nines tapped his index finger in his knee.

"Rather childish. But if it can get you to stop quiping me about dressing up with you. I guess this won't be too bad." He responds. Hearing Y/n tap the wheel with their fingers.

"Thanks for doing this with me, really. Maybe tonight you and I can go and get something to eat."

"I don't eat."

"....I mean. You could at least act like you do. Like jeez, what the hell." They muttered. Once again, complaining. Mumbling about. "Just stuff the food in your mouth and spit it out. Make it seem like you can or something--"

"Alright--okay. I'll take you out to dinner tonight. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Nines finally spoke up. Interrupting her from her charades of complaining. Almost quickly, a smile replaced their frown.

"Yes, sir. That's exactly what I want to hear. You. Nines. My partner. Taking me to get dinner." They quipped. Nines glanced at them. Shaking his head slowly.

"Holy shit!" Gavin stared at the two. Watching as Nines was busy behind Y/n speaking to Hank from behind the boar's mask. A smile graced Hank's lips. His hands on his hips. He didn't dress as anything like the majority of the people did. Instead...well...showing up in his casual clothes.

"Wow. Next year. Me and you and dressing up together." Gavin nudged Y/n's shoulder. Causing them to chuckle.

"I mean. I was going around the office asking people. And they either were dressing up as something already, or were dressing up as something already. Same thing. I know." They grinned, already knowing what Gavin was about to say.

"You didn't ask me you little shit!"

"Oops?"

Gavin rolled his eyes. Swatting his hands in a way to shoo the conversation away. "Nines look terrifying as hell." He looked over at their partner who was still speaking with Hank. Y/n nods.

"I'm not surprised. You're scared of everything." She said. Gavin shot her a look.

"Hey, plastic-prick. Over here!" Gavin snaps his fingers. Y/n saw Nines look away from Hank. And over to Gavin. Hank looked over as well. Nines walked over to the two. Once in earshot he turned his head away from Y/n to look at Gavin.

"Yes?" He asks. Gavin flicked the boar's snout.

"Sup."

"I don't know what I expected wasting my time walking over here." Nines muttered. Gavin laughs. Almost immediately, Nines jumped towards Gavin. Which also startled Y/n. The two shrieked at the sudden action from Nines. Hearing Hank laugh in the background was what pulled Gavin from his pose. Which he moved to grip Y/n's shoulder. In a pose like he was hiding behind them.

"You Jackass!" Gavin shouts. Hank howled with laughter. Walking over to give Nines a pat on the back.

"Good one!"

Y/n felt their heartbeat in their chest like drums. They couldn't find an exact reason why they got jumpy. Letting out a sigh as they placed a hand on their chest. Hearing Gavin bicker in the background along the lines of "I'll fucking end you!"

Meanwhile, Y/n stared across the street. Which had a good view of an alleyway. Seeing two figures facing each other. Once being noticeably shorter than the other. The short figure...which the two really resemble the silhouette from the lack of light in the area (considering the sun had set) the short figure seemed to be pointing its finger at the taller figure's chest. From the body movements the person seemed to be angry. As on the other hand the taller figure - standing still and stiff as a plank just stood there.

Y/n watched for a few more moments. Whatever commotion they were hearing on their side of the street was muffled to them.

Soon, the short figure head turned towards the direction Y/n was in - across the street. Which the taller figure took notice of. The two stared at them. The tall figure seemed to tap its leg. Causing the short figure the scurry off somewhere in the shadows of the alleyway.

Raising a hand. The tall figure that was left in the alleyway waved. Y/n furrowed their eyebrows.

Who the hell was that?

"Y/n! Come on, get your ass in here before you freeze!" Y/n heard Hank shout from the door. Y/n quickly snapped from their clouded reality. Looking at Hank who was holding the door open. Shoot a gaze back at the alley, only to see nothing.

"And I said. Give me my shit. Or I'll put a foot up your ass." Gavin said. The booth that was placed in the back of the room, either chuckled, laughed or said commented on his story. Which was Chris.

"Honestly. I wouldn't be too surprised if she got a restraining order on your crazy ass." Chris chuckled. Gavin only shot him a large grin. Chris's wife smiled at the two. Shaking their head. The majority of the party dressed up. Either it being werewolves, vampires, zombies. It was something...despite the fact that one of the officers came with a macaroni box.

The booth sat, Connor, Hank, Nines, Y/n, Gavin, Chris and his wife. Drinks were passed, and also laughs. (Will except from Nines of course)

The night was smooth. And not to mention fun.

Y/n, still kept tethering back and forth from the odd altercation at home with Nines. And from what they saw in the alleyway.

Nines sat next to them. Listening to Gavin speak. On and on.

"So. Are you two still together or not?" Chris asked. Gavin's and his significant other had...somewhat of a toxic relationship. Constant fighting, either it be verbal or...from what Gavin didn't want to admit. But it was obvious. Physical. From both parties. But, Y/n never really intervened. It wasn't their business. So they didn't care much about it. Though the stories were funny.

Digging into their pockets in search of their phone. They didn't feel it. Taking note they must have left it outside in the car.

"I'll be right back. I have to go get my phone."

Sitting in the driver's seat. Y/n checked to see if the device was at a proper percentage. She closed the car door and sighed. Scrolling through it sees nothing new. They turned around to face the building to return. They stopped and looked up. Seeing a figure by the light pole in front of them The figure had the same costume as Y/n. The apron. The boots. Pants. Looking up they saw...the same face. It was Y/n!

The dark circles under the eyes were much noticeable. The blue surgical mask covered the lower half of the person's face. But Y/n wasn't stupid. They saw themself many times in the mirror to tell who it was. And every strand of hair on the person's head. Could tell that certainly was Y/n.

The e/c eyes stared at Y/n's form. Boring into their face. A feeling they similarly got only from Nines. But the gaze coming from..them, made Y/n freeze.

Staring at the person. It was like an exact replica, a doppelganger.

Y/n could hear the sounds coming from the person. A muffled purr of some sort, scuffling shoes. It couldn't seem to stand still.

"...who are you--" Y/n was cut off by the doppelganger launching itself towards them - gripping the side of their face. It's nails digging into their skin. Y/n let out a surprised scream. Hearing the strained grumbles and grows coming from the thing on top of them.

Y/n felt themself land on the ground. The concrete knocking the wind from their body. Y/n was more surprised than scared. Of course they had many hand to hand combat on the field. But this didn't feel right at all.

Acting quick and raising an arm to shove off the doppelganger. Switching sides as they were now on top of the person, straddling it by the hips, Y/n felt it shift and swing an arm. Y/n quickly backed off of the person in an attempt to not get hit. It had a knife. Making it clear that it was meaning to harm Y/n. Y/n quickly backpedaled and stood up. The sound of their huffing and puffing. And both of their shoes scuffling on the pavement. The person stood up. Shaking itself as if to remove the dirt that collected on its shirt from the pavement.

"Y/n. What's ta-"

"Okay, so Nines! There's some weird shit going on!" Y/n jogged over to the door that Nines held open. He was now staring at Y/n's doppelganger who quickly had stood up staring at the two. Once it made eye contact with Nines. It seemed to stop in its former actions and stare, before scurrying away down the sidewalk.

"Who was that? What's going on?" He asks. Y/n shoved Nines into the building as he spoke.

"I don't know! But we have to do something!" She shouts. The LED on Nines temple was flickering from red to yellow. Y/n was already making their way towards the booth.

"Hank. You would not believe this. But I just got attacked by my own self. We need to find out what's going on." Y/n interrupted whatever conversation he was having with the group at the table. Connor was the first to look over.

"Yourself?"

"Yes! Now come on. This is serious." Hank could tell whether or not Y/n was joking or not. Which...truly wasn't that hard to tell if they were. He stood up from the booth, luckily he was seated on the outside.

"What's going on?"

Nines soon made his way over to the table.

"I was attacked by someone who looked exactly like me. Which, that can explain what happened earlier today. But! I have a crazy ass doppelganger!"

"Oh Christ." Hank muttered. Crossing his arms and looking at Y/n and then at Nines. And back at Y/n.

Gavin soon stood up.

"Oh, I have to see this." He spoke up. Hank ignored the man and looked back at Y/n. "Where did you last see this person."

"When I was outside. It attacked me--"

"The hell? Did you go after them?"

"No. They ran away before I can even do anything." Hank nods. Snapping his finger and pointing towards the exit.

"To the car. Let's go. Connor. Come on." Connor stoop up and stood next to Hank.

"Looks like we got some searching to do."

#detroit rk900 #detroit become human rk900 #detroit become human x reader #detroit become human #dbh connor #connor x reader #connor rk800 #dbh connor x reader #dbh nines #nines x reader #gavin x nines #rk900 x reader #rk900 #dbh hank #hank x reader

194 notes · View notes

princecupcakee · 4 years

Text

Park Bench | Reddie

Read on AO3

Rating: E

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Word Count: 3,320

Chapter: 3/8

Past Chapters: Chapter 1 (AO3), Chapter 2 (AO3)

Next Chapters: Chapter 4 (AO3)

Summary: Recently divorced and ‘incapable of love’, Eddie Kaspbrak moves to Los Angeles for work and a small, small hope of a fresh start. Broken up and never dated again, Richie Tozier tries to get back into love with help from his love of music. Quickly meeting eyes and one concert later, they think that maybe love isn’t that bad. So they try it one more time.

Chapter 3: Richie Tozier At The Movies, Eddie Kaspbrak With His Thoughts & Richie Tozier With His Guitar

Tags/Warnings: Angst / Unhappy Ending / theres only one sex scene but this is explicit anyway / Bisexual Richie Tozier / Gay Eddie Kaspbrak / Post-Divorce / Implied/Referenced Cheating / Inspired By Remembering Sunday (All Time Low) / Inspired by The Book Ninja by Ali Berg / Implied/Referenced Child Abuse / Implied/Referenced Abuse / Implied/Referenced Manipulation

Tag-list: @richietoaster , @s-s-georgie , @mikeuris , @gazebobullshit , @that-weird-girls-blog , @tozierking , @thoughtfullyyoungduck , @s-onora , @bellarosewrites , @lermanslogan , @ambitiousskychild , @ghostnebula , @vanillaredvelvet ,

(Ask if you wanna be on the tag-list!!)

Chapter 3

Richie Tozier At The Movies

After bringing Eddie home that morning he set out for his next vinyl-date (the name was a work in progress) before going to his sister’s house. He tried to have his head in it, he did, but all throughout the car ride, he couldn’t think straight. He wondered how Eddie was, what he was doing on his day off. He couldn't think of anything even when he had already gotten there. He needed to focus, he wanted to, but he couldn’t stop his head from floating into the clouds.

So when he walked into the movie theatre, he knew he should’ve just stayed home. Alex looked amazing and Richie knew that, but that didn’t really help. They’d picked a new action movie that was heard to have a song from the record in its soundtrack. By that time, he had dropped over 30 records on the local subway, have gotten multiple emails from music lovers like himself, and gone on quite a few dates already. A few memorable ones were Will, a man from Hawkins getting over a lost love, had talked a little too much about said lost love. The two decided to stay as friends. After that was a date with Theo, a New Yorker in search of a painting and person. Similar to Will, in search of his lost love, they’ve decided to stay friends as well. Now, Alex, a writer from New York City who moved to LA two years ago in search of new love, had messaged him after he dropped, ‘Appetite For Destruction.’

“Hi! Richie, yeah?” Alex smiled at him, holding a bowl of popcorn and two drinks. Richie nodded as politely as he could as he thought, ‘why doesn’t Eddie have the same accent?’ “Cool,” Alex hummed, “lets go?” “Sure.”

Richie was glad they went to the movies. It was dark and loud, and your excuse to not pay attention to your date is staring intensely at the screen to look like your focused on it. So, for ninety long minutes, he plotted about the easiest ways to get out of this date. ‘I have a dentist’s appointment’ sounded a bit too rude and overdone to him, ‘I have to take care of my niece and nephew’ was true, but sounded pretty useless. From the 90 minutes, he was able to think up nothing.

“That was a nice movie,” Alex began, smiling at Richie. “Yeah, it really was,” Richie smiled, “but, uh, see, I gotta run." “sure,” Alex waved, slightly annoyed. Richie turned around didn’t look back.

Richie sat in the backseat of his car, staring at its ceiling. He started this to find love, to move on from what happened with Connor, and breathe. But now its seems like a waste of time to him. He can’t even focus on a date without just leaving to sit around in his car. And for what reason? He didn’t even know. He’s getting all of the chances that he didn't get but he’s just throwing them away. He’s just leaving and wasting. Maybe he just doesn’t get that chance. Maybe he just shouldn’t.

He checks his phone for the time and squishes to the front of the car. He didn’t need the stereo, he needs something going for him, no matter how deafening. Drumming a steady beat on to the steering wheel, “Robert’s got a quick hand.” Finishing the first verse, he turns his keys and drives out of the space. “All the other kids with the pumped up kicks,” he swayed his head side to side slightly driving over to Annie’s house.

Eddie Kaspbrak With His Thoughts

Eddie laid down on his bed checking the large, fancy clock hanging above his head, 2:30 PM. After the magnificent sunrise he witnessed with one, handsome, charming, funny, surprisingly smart Richie Tozier, he went home. Richie winked and said ‘wait’ after he brought Eddie back, and of course, that sent the shorter of the two in a bit of a craze.

He’d never felt this. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. It was strong and wouldn’t let him breathe and made his heart explode. When he laughed, when he sang, when he smiled, Eddie couldn’t keep his mind off Richie. It wasn’t like this with Myra. How could it have been? She was there, to keep him alive, not let him live. ~ “Eddie-bear, have you taken your pills yet? You know, you’re mother called me last week, reminding me that you have a seafood allergy, why did you never tell me about that? I’m your wife, Eddie. I’m supposed to know these things about you! What if you ate something that made you sick? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, Eddie! Do you want that? Do you want me to be in pain?” ~ But with Richie everything seemed, brighter. He never said anything Myra did, he never forced Eddie to do something he never wanted to do, he never put words into Eddie’s mouth. ‘It’s clearly too early though, I mean four days? Can you fall in love in four days?’ Eddie dropped his urge to Google that, not wanting to get up (or be disappointed if no, you couldn’t fall in love in four days.) He was never strong. Physically, emotionally, he had always lost. He was never brave. He was the one that sat on the sidelines, afraid to see what’ll happen. Afraid to listen to what he wants. Was that because of his mother, or Myra, or him? He never really wanted to find out.

Sonia was controlling, she watched Eddie’s every move, didn’t let him do anything. Sonia introduced the two, and Eddie thought he had to fall in love. When Eddie married Myra, he thought that maybe he would be slightly freer. He was very visibly wrong. She wasn’t any different from his mother. After 15 years of being married, he realized hoe abusive his mother was, how he didn’t want that marriage anymore, and how more appealing men are to women. He told Myra the night he filed their divorce, all she did was leave the room. She left the room to call his mother. ~ “Don’t you just love her, Eddie? She’s smart, she’s kind, she’s responsible, and she knows how to take care of you! You were such a mischievous child back then, when you played with that stuttering friend of yours, he was such a bad influence on you. Isn’t he… queer? I can’t even say the word. Disgusting. You shouldn’t have been friends with him, Eddie. Are you still friends with him? You must get him out of your life immediately, Eddie! I don’t want my Eddie-bear being like him.” ~ But what if he was in love? What if he was in love with a man? A man he’d only known for four days? Eddie sighed, fighting back tears. He didn’t need this. He shouldn’t be doing this.

He walked out of his room, feeling as if he can’t breathe there. But this is Los Angeles. This isn’t home. He walked down the long hallways heading down the stairs back to the library. Why had he come here? He didn’t know either or, he did, just didn’t want to say it. Eddie took a vinyl from the bottom of the shelf, ‘Never Trust A Happy Song’ in a small font above ‘Grouplove.’ He didn’t know any songs on it, but he figured anything would be better than being trapped in silence with his own memories.

He tried to mimic Richie’s moves from before, failing quite a few times. He winced at the loud sound of what seemed to be the end of a song. ‘Take me to your best friend's house, roll around this roundabout, oh yeah,’ played in the- Eddie really needed to Google what that thing was, ‘can you fall in love in four days?’ Rang in his head once again, forcing him to put his phone down and take a seat in the large chair before him.

He wondered what Richie was doing, why’d he had asked him to ‘wait’ and then leave. He wondered if maybe Richie had fallen in love before. If maybe Richie felt how he did. He wasn’t supposed to, that was sure, but he wanted to. He wanted to know the feeling of loving and being loved, maybe he had, maybe Myra was the feeling of loving and being loved. Or maybe it was Richie. Eddie wouldn’t know. He had hoped it would be Richie though. That made him smile, nothing like what he had gone through with Myra.

But it was also his fault. It may have done him good but it was still wrong. He may have needed it but that still wasn’t acceptable. He did do it. He wasn’t being responsible, he wasn’t being right. He did owe Myra something for what he did. He could’ve done it simpler, and not ruin his marriage in the most unnecessary way there was. He had to go to that bar, that night. ‘Somethings are too good to pass’ he tried to make a good excuse, but he knew it wouldn’t have worked. He was right.

But he didn’t owe Myra his life or his heart, he owed her an apology, a divorce, and something that would have been better for both of them. And what was better for both of them was leaving. It wasn’t exactly leaving New York, it was just leaving, no longer in each other’s lives and forget. Forgetting has always been much easier than actually facing your problems. Forgetting left things there, not having to see them anymore and not thinking. Forgetting meant, even for a little while, nothing can be any worse.

‘Don’t take me tongue tied, don’t wave no goodbye,’ He’d never heard this song before, but something about it made him feel like he did. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, something about it would make him feel like he knew himself, too.

Richie Tozier With His Guitar

He rang the doorbell, running to the side of the porch to not be seen. He crouched below the window and as if on cue, a little girl pushed the curtains away and looked out the window. “I know thats, you Richie!” A little girl said, opening her front door. “Aw, how’d you know that Maddie?” He said, ruffling her hair. “Mommy said you were coming,” she said putting her hands on her hips. “Just you and Walter today?” “Yup!” “Alright, go get your brother, I’ll be in the living room. Your mom’s gonna be calling any second now,” he said as he watched Maddison walk up the stairs and call her brother.

Richie walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch, moving the guitar from his back to the floor. Just as he predicted, his sister rang the phone, “I’m already here Annie. They’re getting their guitars, we’re playing stuff today.” “Thanks, Rich. I owe you,” she sighed gratefully over the phone. “No problem. I missed these goblins anyway.” “Okay, thank you so much, I have to go. Mom’s gonna be there soon. Oh and tell Walter to help Maddie with her painting, she gets really unhappy when he doesn’t and-“ “I know this already, go.” “Thank you, Richie.” “Your my sister, its my job,” Richie laughed and put the phone down.

“We’re here!” Maddison smiled, brother in tow. “Hi uncle Richie,” Walter said softly, sitting by Richie’s feet with knees against his chest.

He was two years older than Maddison, the same age gap him and Annica had. Maddie was five while Walter was seven. The two were fairly opposite, Walter preferring to keep to himself while Maddie was outgoing and social. Outside of her sister, he raised them. Annie was a good mother, but being a single one, she didn’t have it any easy either. Her husband died less than three years ago from an accident. Thats why he came over more and took care of her kids more. It didn’t help that the whole problem with Connor rose in the time of this and him having a responsibility to not fuck up kids left him out of it for a while. Until he was just angry, he never took it out on anyone, that he made sure of, but he was just angry at love. Maddie and Walter were a help though, it made him forget. Forgetting is much easier than confronting, its like painting over graffiti like it was never there.

“What are we playing today?” Maddie asked, leaning her head to the side exaggeratedly. “What’s a song you guys want?” Richie asked looking back and forth between the two. Walter stood up, walking to the small shelf that sat by the TV. He walked back with a cassette tape in hand. A paper was stuck on to the tape, and in small letters and font, ‘Tongue Tied - Grouplove’ written on it. Richie smiled kindly at him, “How do you know this song?” He simply shrugged and urged him to take the tape. “Lets play it then,” Richie nodded while picking up his guitar. Walter held breath to say something, Richie having to give him permission before he did. “I already know the beginning. C-could you teach me the middle?” “Which part?” “After the second chorus.” “Sure. Anyone wanna sing?” “Can I sing with you? Like, you're gonna sing and I’m gonna sing too, both of us sing!” Maddie said excitedly with big hand gestures (Richie wondered if part of that was his doing. He assumed that it probably was.) Richie nodded, “one two three four,” G. “Don’t take me tongue tied,” G. Then, C. “let’s stay up all night,” He sang with Maddie. “I'll get real high.” Richie sang as Maddie shook her head. Despite Richie’s smile, a dark room, broken glass, smoke, tears, screaming, flood his head. ‘Fuck! Can’t I do anything right?’ He cried that night. “Slumber party, pillow fight,” The two sung in harmony again, “My eyes and your eyes, Like Peter Pan up in the sky,” Maddie sang bringing her hand up above her head to mimic Peter Pan flying. Walter and Richie laughed. “My best friend's house tonight,” Richie sang. ‘Stan? You there? Look, I-I need a place to stay. I’ll tell you about it when I’m there. Yeah… yeah, Th-thanks.’ “Let's bump the beats till beddy-bye,” Richie smiled, despite fighting back tears. ‘Connor. Connor. Connor.’ He thought. “Don’t take me tongue tied,” Richie sang. ‘Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.’ He thought, the tears behind his eyes, drying away, “Don't wave no goodbye.”

By the time they had sung three songs, Maggie and Wentworth were already at the door. He said his goodbyes and walked back to his car. Hearing the first song back again in his head, his breathing sped. He threw his head back and whispered to himself, “Breathe, Richie. breathe.” He thought about how uncomfortable and disgusted Connor looked when he got down on one knee. He remembered how Connor screamed at him, how Connor mocked him for thinking that he actually loved Richie the way Richie did for him. ‘Please.’ ~ “What? What the fuck?” Richie thought he was just surprised. “Dude, gross. I wouldn’t marry a man. That’s fucking gross. Look, man. I have a girlfriend, we aren’t fucking together. Thats so fucking weird.” “but I- I thought-“ “Thought what? That we were together? Fucking gross. Get out.” ~ Richie turned on his stereo. Anything is better than this. He didn’t need to cry, he didn’t need to listen to whatever the fuck was going on in his head. He doesn’t need to stay, he can leave.’ Please, don't let me down,’ the radio played loudly. Richie thought it was weird, songs like these weren’t on the radio, but he sang along anyway. “Please, don't let me down, You better come around,” he softly sang against the loud radio. He never liked his voice much. He used it for comedy, for words he didn’t want to say. He didn’t know how to describe it, but he felt as if he just shouldn’t sing, he sounded better doing impressions anyway. Although some people like it, like Walter and Maddie, he wondered if Eddie liked it too. “You save yourself, I'll save myself each time around,” he sang louder, trying to catch what his voice sounded like. ~ “Stan? You there? Look, I-I need a place to stay. I’ll tell you about it when I’m there.” “You can always stay here Richie. Don’t worry,” Stan sounded like he already knew. Richie guessed everybody saw it coming. “Yeah… yeah, Th-thanks.’ Richie tried not to break into tears. ~ He was going to go drive to Eddie. He was horrified, but he was gonna go to Eddie. As much as he would hate to admit it, he needed him. Needing Eddie to love him, thats debatable but needing for Eddie to be around him, he knew he really did need it. He hoped maybe Eddie needed him too. “You save yourself, I'll save you too next time around,” he sang. When Eddie smiled up at him he didn’t know if he could breathe. It was never like this with Connor. With Connor he always wondered who the woman that left their apartment was, with Connor, he always got shouted at and argued with. With Eddie, he smiled, his heart raced, his stomach churned and it was never like it was with Connor. “I'm not around, I haven't been here for a while,” he sang, the electric feeling coursing through his veins.

“You know I'll never be back now,” He shouldn’t break his own heart. Connor’s gone. He’s not coming back, and Richie’s thankful for that. With Connor gone, maybe someone else will stay. Maybe Eddie will. Richie smiled at the thought of it.

He ignored the nagging feeling of possibly not being loved back— again.

#reddie #reddie fic #it #it chap one #it chap two #remembering sunday + the book ninja au

22 notes · View notes

marvellousimagines · 5 years

Photo

Requested by anonymous

Connor slammed his hand down on the interrogation table and leaned in close to the deviant. “Stop fucking lying, you know where the killer went!” he yelled, looking as though he was barely restraining himself.

You jumped. This was a far cry from the mild-mannered detective bot you’ve just started working with. You lost yourself for a moment, staring at the android poised like a predator coming in for a kill. You had to excuse yourself from the interrogation room before you said something dumb.

A couple hours later, Connor managed to find you. “I’m sorry I frightened you earlier,” he apologized before you could escape.

You blushed. Fear didn’t exactly describe how you had felt.

You shook your head. “You didn’t scare me. Startled me maybe,” you explained. There wasn’t exactly a way to explain you had been imagining being in the deviant’s place, under much different circumstances.

“Your heart rate was elevated until you left the room, then went up again as I approached now,” Connor pointed out, cocking his head slightly in confusion. You looked away, cursing Connor in your head for being so cute and so off-limits. “That sounds like fear, unless…” He trailed off. “Y/N, were you ar-”

“NOPE!” you interrupted. You felt your heart skip a beat. You’d be done for if anyone knew you had the hots for your android partner, especially if said android found out.

Connor took a couple steps towards you, and you stepped back. “Y/N, you do know I’m an android, right?”

“Of course!”

“And your partner.”

You nodded, wondering where he was going with this.

“You know you can tell me anything, and I’m incapable of judging. And I can tell when you’re lying,” Connor pointed out with a smirk.

You shook your head. “There’s nothing to say, honest,” you told him. This was almost what you wanted, except now it’s not in the safety of your fantasy. This is reality, and you had no control over what actually happened. You hadn’t realized you were still backing up until you hit a wall.

You must’ve looked frightened. Connor, however, kept a smirk on his face, like he was amused at your reactions. “Y/N, are you aroused by my interrogation techniques?” He continued to step closer, until he was an arm’s length away from you and the wall that stopped your attempt at fleeing.

“What if I tell you yes?” you asked, trying to push back verbally, though you still sounded very unsure.

Connor rested a hand on the wall, slightly above the top of your head, so he could lean over you. “I’m the one asking questions,” he stated. “Are you afraid I’ll do something?”

It finally clicked in your head. He was definitely doing this on purpose. He had to know what kind of effect he had on you, and he was enjoying it!

“Yes, this whole act of yours turns me on, Connor,” you stated, looking the android in the face for the first time since he approached you. “That’s not a problem, is it?” you challenged.

“Only if it is for you,” Connor replied, bending in close. You weren’t quite sure what he was doing, until his lips met yours. Your android crush was kissing you! You relaxed for the first time since the interrogation and closed your eyes as you kissed back, still feeling your heart pound against your chest.

#Connor #connor imagine #detroit become human #detroit become human imagine #Unspecified gender imagines

202 notes · View notes

insanelycooljk · 4 years

Note

Jared gets kicked out?

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it

Oh boy... I hope you’re prepared for some angst lmao. In terms of just, the amount of angst/hurt, this is probably the worst wip I’ve got (...except maybe the one that’s just titled ⚡⚡⚡ lol 👀). This is another one that I’m not sure I’ll ever actually write, but it was like 2am and my brain just went hey...what if?? and I had enough to say about it that it warranted it’s own word doc lol.

Anyway, the title pretty much says it all with this one.

Also just wanted to clarify that I can’t actually imagine Jared’s parents ever kicking him out. Like, they’re clearly friends with Heidi and I like to think that anyone Heidi is friends with must be pretty decent people. But, for angst purposes... yeah they’re not great in this. On that note, trigger warning for shitty homophobic parents and homelessness.

So Jared knew coming out wasn’t going to go well, but he didn’t expect it to go quite this badly

He tells his dad first and it’s definitely not great, but it’s not a complete disaster either. His dad kind of just says “Well, you know what I think about that.” and Jared says “I know.” And that’s just the end of the conversation really. And sure Jared’s still hurt by it, but also that was exactly how he expected it to go, so it’s not like he ever had his hopes up enough to be disappointed.

“Are you going to tell your mother?” Jared knows he probably shouldn’t, but part of him just wants to get it over and done with already. I mean really, it’s not like he’s ever tried to be subtle, his mum should probably know already just based off of some of the things Jared’s said over the years, but she’s probably in denial.

So Jared just thinks fuck it. She doesn’t have to like it but he’s sick of pretending.

Which ends up being a very bad decision. As expected she takes it very poorly. There’s a lot of yelling and it’s awful and she’s saying all the standard homophobic bullshit, and then she starts talking about kicking Jared out.

And Jared’s just in shock because... she can’t be serious. Like, this isn’t happening. She’s just angry, she doesn’t actually mean it. Right?

Wrong. Turns out she is absolutely serious. And Jared is just looking at his dad desperately because he hasn’t said a word this whole time, but he still says nothing.

Jared is just so scared and angry and hurt and in shock. Part of him wants to throw a tantrum and just kick and scream and refuse to leave unless his parents physically drag him out of the house.

But he’s in too much of a state of shock to really say or do anything. His dad helps him pack some things and tells Jared that his mum just needs some time to process and calm down, and that he’ll talk to her. Jared just nods numbly, but the unspoken questions lay heavy in the air. How long? Does Jared even want to come back after that? He’s starting to regret lying to his parents so much (”literally nothing I tell my parents is true and they have no idea”) because his dad probably assumes that Jared actually has friends or something that he could stay with for a little while.

His eyes are burning from the effort of holding back his tears because Jared is just stubbornly refusing to completely break down.

He’s still in such a state of shock that he’s kind of dissociating a bit, because next thing Jared knows is that he’s in his car and driving somewhere.

It takes him about 5 minutes to realise that he’s on autopilot and is driving to Evan’s house. Once he has that realisation Jared immediately pulls over because he can not go to Evan’s right now.

Partially because he’s seconds away from completely losing it and having a full-on breakdown, and he is just not in a place right now where he could fake being fine (and obviously breaking down in front of Evan is not an option because please, this is Jared we’re talking about). But also because showing up at Evan’s uninvited and asking to stay over would be pretty out of character for Jared, so if Heidi’s home she’s going to (correctly) assume something is wrong and call his parents, and Jared just... can’t deal with that right now.

So he just lets himself finally breakdown. Once he finally calms down he’s so exhausted from everything that he just quickly makes sure the doors are locked and falls asleep almost instantly.

Any hope that the previous day’s events had just been some kind of messed up nightmare is lost when he wakes up in his car and not his bed.

and Jared’s just... not sure what to do really. His dad seems to think that his mum just needs some time to calm down, but how long is Jared supposed to wait? Should he call? Just show up at home? He doesn’t want to be the one to reach out first because fuck that, but the waiting is going to drive him crazy.

He just feels so lost. So Jared kind of throws himself into planning shit so he can feel some sense of control. He figures he can sleep in his car. His parents paid for like 6 months of a gym membership for him for his birthday, which he’s pretty sure was just a passive aggressive comment about his weight, but boy is he grateful for it now because he figures he can go to the gym and shower. He can do his homework at the library. He figures he should buy one of those adapters so you can charge your phone from your car, or maybe a portable charger so he doesn’t risk killing his battery. Jared doesn’t really spend much, so despite not having a job he’s got a decent amount of money saved up just from birthdays and things over the years. Nothing is ideal but like, he can make it work.

Of course, Jared being Jared is incapable of asking for help so he just... doesn’t tell anyone.

He goes to school the next day, and eventually he’s got a little routine going. He sets his alarm on his phone really early on school days so he can go to the gym first. He does like... the absolute bare minimum amount of exercise to avoid suspicion before he showers. He stays late after school to do his homework in the library, and then once the school library closes he tends to go to the public library to either finish his homework or just take advantage of the free internet and watch youtube or something. He’s worked out the best place to park his car overnight so he’s inconspicuous and he’s relatively safe. Like, obviously he locks the doors and covers most of the windows, but it’s still kind of scary sleeping out in public sometimes.

But he hangs out with and stays over at Evan’s as much as possible. Which like, are the best nights of his week, but also sleeping at Evan’s house almost makes Jared feel worse? It just makes him acutely aware of everything he’s lacking right now.

But overall Jared is doing kind of ok, and he thinks he’s doing a pretty damn good job of acting like everything’s normal.

Which... he is absolutely not lmao. Evan and Alana and even a couple of Jared’s teachers are on to him (maybe Connor and Zoe too, although I haven’t decided if they’ll be in this or not). I mean, no one knows exactly what’s happened, but they can tell something is up.

Jared’s just been... off. He’s very flat and his shitty jokes have been a little harsher than usual lately. And Evan’s kind of confused about why Jared suddenly wants to hang out with him so much. Not that he’s complaining, he’s enjoying hanging out more with Jared, but it does seem weird. It’s weird that Jared stays over multiple times a week now, but Evan can barely remember the last time he went to Jared’s house. It’s weird that Jared never comes over if he knows Heidi will be home that night. It’s just... something’s not adding up and Evan can’t quite work out what.

Anyway, better end it here because wow I did not mean to make this so long lmao. It’d probably end with a confrontation, confession and ultimately Jared staying with Heidi and Evan for the foreseeable future. Plus one VERY angry confrontation with Jared’s parents from Heidi lol. I love angst, but I love an (at least somewhat) happy ending even better, so things would turn out alright in the end :)

#tw homophobia #deh wips prompt #oh to live out your biggest fears by projecting onto characters you relate to #but yeah... this one hurts #anyway I kind of like the idea that it's hard to pick out at first #because unless you actually talk to jared it'd seem like he was actually doing really well?#like since he's exercising most days he'd be getting kind of fit #and he's super on top of his school work bc he doesn't really have much else to do #but as soon as someone talks to him they'll just be like... man are you ok?#jared gets kicked out #answered #zoe writes #jared kleinman #deh

4 notes · View notes

shannen-writes · 5 years

Text

Underrated ships - #5 Angel and Darla (Buffyverse)

This is the fifth post in my underrated ships meta series. All posts in the series are tagged as #underrated ships.

Angel and Darla are a ship that I didn’t fully appreciate until I watched AtS. On BtVS we weren’t given a full insight into their history and relationship, but AtS fully explored their connection and uncovered just how important Angel and Darla were to each other. Like many of the other ships on this list I haven’t included Angel and Darla on this because I think they had a healthy relationship or were true love, but because of the complexities of their dynamic and how much I enjoy watching the many facets of their relationship unfold on-screen.

As with all of the ships in this series, lets go back to the beginning of Angel and Darla’s relationship. The first time Darla saw Angel (or Liam, as he was better known then), she was attracted to him. She saw a darkness, recklessness and strength in him that appealed to her.

She sired him and quite literally created Angel/Angelus as we know him. In this respect Darla was his mother in addition to being so many other things to him.

Julie Benz beautifully described this aspect of Angel and Darla, and the many layers of their relationship which is part of why I love them so much.

As Julie rightfully says, Darla waited a loooooong time to create a mate. It’s not a decision she took lightly. She saw something in Angel that spoke to her soul (ironic choice of words since she didn’t have a soul), and from that moment onwards they became a part of each other. Soulmates, in many ways.

In the beginning, they were soulless vampires, so they were inherently evil and wreaked havoc together. They had a very passionate relationship and found excitement and thrills in being together.

This was Angel and Darla at their best, because everything was simple and uncomplicated. They were just two soulless monsters gratifying themselves and living off their base desires and instincts. They were partners in death and the darkness in Darla was matched by the darkness in Angel and vice versa. They were the same and there was complete understanding between them; they saw and accepted each other for the monsters that they were. What they had wasn’t love, it was companionship and passion. That was demonstrated by the way in which they abandoned each other so easily.

It wasn’t surprising or out of the ordinary for Darla to sacrifice Angel and leave him for dead to save her own life, because they were vampires and that’s what they did. They enjoyed their life together, revelled in creating misery and leaving death and destruction wherever they went. However, there was no love in their relationship because they were simply incapable of love.

When Angel got his soul everything changed. It was unheard of for a vampire to have a soul and Darla’s immediate reaction to finding out Angel had been cursed was fear, disgust and rejection. It’s no surprise that she’d turn her back on him so easily. A soul represents everything that is wrong in the world to a vampire and part of why Darla and Angel worked so well together is because they were both evil and soulless.

What’s so interesting about Angel in the early days of being cursed, is that he actually sought Darla out. His entire life and being was intertwined with her, and although he knew deep down that him having a soul had changed everything he tried to go back to Darla and resume their lives together because it’s all he’d known for 150 years.

There’s so much debate in the Buffyverse around the concept of soulless love, and with Angel and Darla, in particular, most fans would agree that they didn’t love each other (I’ll explore this in more detail later). But regardless of love, Angel was deeply connected to Darla. She sired him, they were together for over a century, she’d seen parts of him and shared a life with him that no one else had. As a result, she was the one person that was able to get under Angel’s skin and vice versa.

No matter what, Darla always provoked strong emotions in Angel. He reacted to her whenever she was near and that’s why W&H specifically chose to bring her back in AtS season 2 - because they knew she was the one person that could get into his head (both metaphorically and literally).

Speaking of which, I find the dreams Angel had of Darla in season 2 fascinating. Despite the manipulation by Darla and lack of consent involved in the sexual contact that took place, those scenes showed that Angel carried some semblance of positive emotions towards Darla.

Angel was content in these dreams and although it was a manipulation, I believe that the joy and relief we saw from him was authentic. In fact, he wanted to sleep more so he could continue having dreams about Darla (whether this was also part of the forces Darla was using to get into his head, I’m unsure, so forgive me if I’m wrong about this).

When Darla returned in season 2 as a human, Angel and Darla’s already complex relationship became even more complex. Angel naturally struggled to be around Darla and interact with her because of their history and the fact that she took pleasure in playing with him and taunting him. Part of the reason Angel was so averse to Darla is because he saw himself in her. Darla was his past; his creator; a reflection of Angelus who represented the worst and darkest parts of Angel that he desperately wanted to forget. This meant that Darla knew Angel better than anyone and understood Angel/us in a way that nobody else ever could.

For Darla, Angel had always been the centre of her universe. He was the first and only vampire she ever sired; in her eyes Angel was hers (notice how she often referred to him as “my boy”) and whether she was a vampire or a human she believed they belonged to each other, that they were eternally bound.

And so regarding whether Angel and Darla loved each other, my answer is yes. They didn’t love each other in the way you or I probably understand love because they were vampires.

Their love wasn’t consistent; instead it was characterised by moments of intimacy or connection underlined with history, understanding and honesty. But it was love nonetheless. Despite Angel and Darla’s relationship being twisted and toxic, it was always honest. They never pretended to be anything other than exactly what and who they were when they were together.

Angel often denied what he felt for Darla; he undermined it and passed it off as being meaningless because he didn’t have a soul when he was with her. But once Darla was human, that changed.

The deep passion, connection and history Angel and Darla had meant that there was the capacity for them to love each other. Darla becoming human, having their son and the significant experiences they shared in seasons 2 and 3 were a gateway to that love.

Angel and Darla became completely consumed with each other in season 2. Initially, this stemmed from a desire to destroy each other, but in the end, their bond drew them to each other. Darla, for the first time in centuries, was human again and experiencing the many complex and overwhelming emotions that go with that. Naturally, she sought comfort and understanding from Angel, who was her life partner and the one person in the world who understood what it meant to have a soul after not having one for centuries. And Angel, as a champion and empathetic person, couldn’t turn Darla away. When he learned that she was human and dying, he devoted everything to saving her, because he cared for her but also because he saw himself in Darla. He saw her facing the same struggles and torment that he went through when he was re-ensouled and by saving her and help her get her redemption, he would in a sense be saving and redeeming himself also.

Angel was willing to give his life for Darla’s and following this sacrifice, they shared one of the most heartfelt, emotional and tender scenes they ever have. A moment of love.

There’s no doubt in my mind that during this scene there was genuine love between Angel and Darla, which was reciprocal. As a human, Darla had a soul and was able to connect with Angel emotionally. She could empathise with him for the first time in her life and that’s a huge deal. After rejecting him for having a soul and shutting him out, she was now able to understand what it meant to have a soul. And having that soul enabled her to feel how much he loved her and how much him being willing to sacrifice his life for her meant. His vow to stay by her side until the end only affirmed how much he cared and strengthened their connection in this moment. It’s a raw and emotional moment between two individuals with a long and complicated history who have been ripped apart and been on polar sides for so long coming together in a moment of empathy, compassion and love.

After developing a genuinely affectionate and (dare I say it) human bond in season 2, Darla becoming a vampire again destroyed Angel and sent him to the darkest place he’d ever been with a soul. After being sired, sharing a life with this woman for over a century, connecting with her as a human and giving everything to keep her safe, he lost. It’s such a huge blow for Angel and his reaction to it showed the depth of his feelings for her at this point. It’s the most distraught angry, lost and hopeless we ever see Angel, the only exception being after Connor is kidnapped by Holtz in season 3.

Angel had to force himself to go over to the dark side in order to do what he felt was necessary and kill Darla (or put her out of her misery, as he saw it). But throughout this process Angel completely lost himself and ironically wound up in Darla’s arms.

It’s hardly surprising that in his darkest hour Angel turned to Darla, because she was always the one that Angel shared and lived in the darkness with him. This moment is the opposite of what they shared in ‘The Trial’. There’s emotion involved, but mostly it’s about the physical act of sex and what that represents for both of them. For Angel it’s about hitting self-destruct and attempting to lose himself in the darkness completely (or as Angel describes it, trying to feel something “besides the cold”). For Darla, it’s her fulfilling the need she’s always had for Angel and believing that he’s going to lose his soul as a result.

Them sleeping together meant very different things to each of them. Darla believed Angel “surrendered” to her completely and described it as being “perfect”, because she thought that her boy, Angelus, had returned to her.

But for Angel, it was “perfect despair”. It was him hitting rock bottom and afterwards being awakened; finding his way back to the light and having the epiphany that earns the episode its title.

Despite the fact that they were on completely different pages after this encounter, in a strange way they were set free. Or at least as free as Angel and Darla were ever capable of being from each other. Darla was finally forced to accept that she couldn’t provide Angel with true happiness and that Angelus would never return to her. And Angel realised that everything he had been going through as a result of Darla coming back into his life was more about him than it was her. He viewed her as being as one with himself and therefore felt that her life and redemption was directly connected to his. But after this moment he finally realised that wasn’t true and was able to separate himself from Darla for the first time in his life. They were able to accept that they’d shared a genuine connection, but that it had passed and it was over. They were able to walk away without feeling any love or hatred, just acceptance; acceptance for what was. Ironically, this was the exact moment that they cemented their eternal connection through the conception of their child.

When Darla turned up on Angel’s doorstep pregnant with his child, things changed between them once again. In season 2 Angel forged a connection with Darla as a human with a soul, this time he forged an entirely new connection with her as a vampire who was the mother of his child.

I believe completely that Angel and Darla’s child was conceived in love. Not necessarily in the moment of conception, but it was only made possible by the great sacrifice that Angel was willing to make for Darla in ‘The Trial’ when he offered up his life in exchange for hers. Angel, although reluctant and hesitant about the baby and Darla’s intentions, fully embraced what was happening. And as soon as he realised their child had a heartbeat and therefore a soul, he devoted himself to Darla and the baby. Through carrying their child, Darla began to feel his soul inside her and was able to connect with Angel in what I consider to be the second most heartfelt moment Angel and Darla share.

This scene is so emotional and one of my favourites between Angel and Darla. Darla had already experienced what it was to gain and lose her soul in season 2, and now she was faced with the same thing but under completely different circumstances. Previously, Darla wanted to lose her soul because she’d rather be an unfeeling, soulless monster than face up to the pain and conscience that went with having a soul. This time, however, she wanted to keep her soul because of the love she had for her child. It’s the most human we ever see Darla (ironic considering she’s a vampire); it’s a mother who loves her child wanting to protect, nurture and love it.

In this scene, Angel and Darla connect in a new and more profound way. Angel understood Darla’s turmoil over feeling the influence of a soul, her fear of losing those feelings but most of all he understood the love she had for her child - their child - because he shared that love. Over the 150 years Angel and Darla had known each other they fought, they disagreed, they hurt each other, even killed each other, but this time they are in complete agreement and united. For the first time they’re able to put aside their relationship and personal feelings for each other to focus on the baby. No matter how much affection they had for each other in the past, they were almost always at odds, but Connor changed all of that. He became their priority, the greatest and truest love of their lives.

Angel and Darla’s final moment together is poetic and heartbreaking. In the ultimate sacrifice Darla kills herself for the life of her son.

Her words are true - Connor was the only good thing to come out of their relationship. They caused so much destruction, pain and devastation, but through all of that they created a life together, a human life. And Darla didn’t just kill herself so that her baby could be brought into the world, she did it because she knew she couldn’t have lived as a vampire mother without a soul. Without the capacity to love and care for her child, her life was meaningless to her. With Darla’s sacrifice Angel became more determined to protect his son and completely devoted to honouring Darla’s dying wish. Connor wasn’t just his son, he was a piece of Darla; the best and only good thing they ever did together.

Angel and Darla’s story is a long, complex, unique, rich and emotional tale that spanned across nearly two centuries and two great shows. From the moment Darla sired Angel they became eternally bound. They had a great passion for each other and as vampires were a perfect partnership, only matched in their ruthlessness and evil by the other. No matter how much they fought or how much they believe they hated each other, they had an undeniable connection which drew them to each other time and time again. In the moments they shared where they both had souls they were finally able to feel genuine affection, empathy, compassion and love for each other. And after all the pain and darkness that defined Angel and Darla’s relationship, their time together ended with love and hope as they brought their son into the world.

*not all of the gifs used are mine*

#angel the series #buffy the vampire slayer #dangel #buffyverse #angel x darla #ats #btvs #ats meta #btvs meta #tv #tv meta #mine #mine: ats #mine: btvs #mine: meta #underrated ships #ship analysis #mine: ship analysis

31 notes · View notes

iatasbcl · 5 years

Text

Bring Me To Life

Chapter 2: Into The Wolf’s Lair

Previous part: X

Pairing: Connor/ RK800 X Android!Reader

Summary: You and Connor head to the CyberLife tower. Trouble ensues.

A/N: I wasn't planning on continuing this but I liked the idea of an android reader and Connor being a badass duo a bit too much lol ENJOY

Warnings: Warnings: violence, death, not canon compliant, badly written fight

W.C: 1.4k?

The autonomous taxi stopped near the gate and you turned to the window, the guard looked at you with narrowed eyes as you did your best to keep your composure. Wind and snow hit your face as he tilted his head to see who laid beside you.

“Damn. You really busted that thing.” He said.

You knew you couldn’t go back bustling into CyberLife empty-handed, they were expecting you and that was exactly what you needed right now. You planned to infiltrate the building from within, to disguise yourself as one of their own and choose the right moment to strike them down.

That included ‘damaging’ Connor so your story would be more believable. You felt terrible but it was the only way, they knew what he did, but they were still in the dark to your whereabouts, or so you hoped. It was a dangerous gamble that could end you both, yet you felt… confident. Confident in your and Connor’s abilities.

The damage wasn’t critical, but enough to make him seem vulnerable to them. He looked ‘ruffled up’ as humans would say, a part of his jacket torn, and a huge part of his skin turned into its original plastic and his normally perfect hair was a mess. His hands we cuffed up and his LED was fixed on that red that you were used to.

“I only did what I was instructed to.” Lies. You were ordered to kill him, but this guard probably did not know that. He stared at you and you could feel your pump fastening, shit, did he not believe you?

“Alright… go ahead.” If you needed to breathe, then you would’ve let out a sigh. You nodded and rolled up your window, you kept your eyes on the road.

“This is a bad idea,” Connor said. You turned to him with an eyebrow raised, “Amanda knows what we will do. They most likely know too.”

“I know.” You started, pinching the bridge of your nose as he sat up, slightly bettering his position.

“But this is our only way. We need the androids stored there.”

“I…” He held your hand and your skin retracted again, the warm sensation now became more familiar and far more pleasant. “I don’t want to lose you.”

You could feel his fear, his terror of you getting killed or deactivated because of him. You hated how surreal this felt, the man you… loved was going with you to what could be considered suicide. You didn’t wish for it to be this way, but there was no other choice.

You hesitantly squeezed his hand and transmitted your own emotions to him. You too were afraid of losing him, of dying, of losing this revolution, of losing the chance to ever be considered a living being together with the one you loved. But you were also hopeful, hopeful the two of you will make it out safe and sound, hopeful you will live to see another day.

We will make it to another day.

He looked into your eyes and smiled, you did too.

The ride didn’t take long after that, Connor went back to playing the wounded little prey and your demeanor shifted into that of a cold hunter. You got out and pulled him with you, pushing him forward

There were guards, as expected. You tensed a bit, but your façade remained, nonetheless.

Remember the plan. We take them out in the elevator, you heard Connor’s voice in your head. Right, this wasn’t the place to be a trembling deer, the success of this mission was your top priority. That and surviving.

“Why didn’t you deactivate it?” The question stopped you dead in your tracks. “Further harm may have caused permanent damage to key components needed for its examination. It is incapable of causing any trouble, though.”

The guard in white didn’t say anything for a moment, he gazed at you and you gazed back until he finally budged. They resumed walking towards the elevator with one of them right behind you and another behind Connor.

You finally reached it and entered swiftly. Only two guards entered, probably armed, and surrounded you and the only android here. “Agent 54, Level 31.” One of them said and the elevator began moving up.

You looked at the upper corner of the elevator and notice a security camera. You access the network and successfully jeopardized it. Alright, how do we do this?

I’m constructing the best way to handle this, follow my lead.

Wait-

A guard grunted as Connor shoved him against the white wall, you punched the other one in the face and knocked him down. He got up and reached for his gun, but you jabbed him in the chest, sending him down again.

He hissed, putting one arm on his chest and using the other to point his gun at you. Your parts moved without any second thoughts, reaching for the hand pointing at you and twisting it. A crack was heard, followed by the man’s screams. Humans would consider it sickening, the angle his hand was contorted in looked abnormal, to say the least.

The man howled in pain and you chose this moment to deliver your fatal strike. His gun, now in your hands, was pointed at his head.

BANG!

The screaming stopped and so did his struggling. Blood had spattered on to the wall, tainting the pearly white with crimson red. You turned and saw the other guard pull your partner back as he tried to shoot him. You steadied your aim at him, but Connor had managed to snatch the weapon and do that first. “Nice. I didn’t realize ‘following your lead’ meant improvising.”

Connor chuckled, “A little bit of spontaneity won’t do you any harm.”

He touched the panel and instructed it, in the dead man’s voice, to go to the lowest floor.

A small smile tugged the corner of your lips, “yes, I suppose almost getting shot is thrilling”. Connor stood next to you as the elevator headed down, “as if any of them could lay a finger on you, destroyer.”

★ ★ ★

The elevator opened after what seemed like ages and you stepped out. It was quite the scenery. You had never seen androids in those numbers before, and they just stood there. They stared into the distance like the dolls you saw in some children’s stores. Connor went ahead, his hand’s artificial skin faded as reached for one of the androids. You watched, waiting for the ‘virus’ to spread.

Things just couldn’t be that easy, huh?

“Step back, Connor!”

Another RK800? You scanned him. RK800 #313 248 317 – 60. He had his gun pointed at you who stood away from your Connor. Did CyberLife store him away specifically for this situation? It wasn’t like he could take on both of you-

“Don’t even think about it.”

If you had a real heart, then you were sure it would start racing. You knew of him, the android that now stood beside RK800- 60, RK900. His voice was like Connor’s but deeper, more authoritative and more commanding. The fighting abilities you had programmed into you were equal to his, according to CyberLife employees’ chatter.

“Step back if you don’t want your partner to be executed, RK800.”

#feedback is appreciated #i havent wrote a series in ages so... yeah #Rk800 x reader #Connor x reader #dbh connor x reader #dbh imagine #dbh #RK900 #rk800-60

79 notes · View notes

thequietmanno1 · 4 years

Text

Thelreads, MHA 233, Replies Part 2

1) “Oh, now the official explanation shows up, and it was exactly what I assumed it to be. So Toot man has the power of the coordinate, and everyone here is his subject, go it.”-Thank god he’s not actually a member of the royal family though, or he might have actual close-combat options/ the ability to grow his own hulking body at will, and there’s already more than enough rampaging hulk expys in this arc already.

2) “Such a misguided good intention, jesus this is, without any joke, tragic. Spinner latched unto the first person that showed courage to stand up against the system, and unfortunately it was a psycho.”- Probably a good time to reiterate that Quirks tend to affect the personality of the wielder in ways that fit with the quirks own usage. Spinner’s ability ( for now) giving him to power to cling onto whatever he wants to, neatly mirror his tendency to cling onto whatever social agenda/ideal happens to align with his own circumstances and wants to change society, allowing him to transition from Stain’s ideals to shigaraki’s because he realises that they both still have the same goal of destroying the current status quo, no matter what, and if he can be part of that, maybe even direct it to serves a greater cause, than he’s fine with altering his loyalties so long as his role models keep to their convictions.

3) “Oh, fuck no, I get it, once he awakens for his power up he’ll even be able to regenerate his limbs, but for the time being, he’s stuck with only being partially spider man.”- That, or possibly he goes ‘full’ Lizard, like Kurt Connors, and turns into a muscle-bound anthromorphic animal in full, rather than his normal humanoid form in full. Increased strength and combat potential, plus also the possibility of him unlocking regenerative abilities of top of that, but loss of sentience and coordination to go with his increased strength.

4) “And we’re back to the present, when Shigaraki started playing Jenga with- OH HOLY FUCK SPINNER, THAT ONE GOT TO HURT”-

Spinner: AAAARGGHHH!!!! Goddammit, that hurts! Such a bad pun…..

Mook: Uhhh, you do realise I just ‘stabbed’ you, right? Spinner: This hurts more!!!

5) “Oh fuck, the fight is moving towards the place where the tower used to stand, this might be a problem, right now Shigaraki needs to focus on big nosed hulk alone.”- Even when he’s stabbed and bleeding, outnumbered and overpowered, and likely incapable of reaching the same level of strength that Twice and Toga did in their fights to stop his opponent, Spinner still pushes through and takes a stand against trumpet to hold the line and prevent him getting near Tomura’s own fight.

This match between them is comparatively small potatoes compared to the other kid of fights the rest of the league is participating in, but Spinner knows that, whilst not flashy, it’s still an important role, and he won’t allow himself to fold when his friends need him to stand strong for their sake. It’s an admirable quality, to do his best, even when he’s aware the effort he puts forth won’t be as rewarded or recognised like his contemporaries are, but still doing his best for the league, because that’s what a good Team player does.

6) “So, right now, what Spinner wants to is fight for Shigaraki. He may not have a dream or the conviction to change the world, but his boss has, and he was inspired enough to lend everything he has to make sure that future happens.”- Spinner is surprisingly optimistic, for somebody who has such a cynical and nuanced understand of society and its inherent fallacies coming from a background of enduing racism because of his looks, and feeling isolated because of that. Hanabata tells him he’s a nothing and a nobody, and he just goes “sounds like I’ve got the opportunity to become a somebody then, jackass! Much more interesting than your ‘follow the leader’ bullshit!”. Between him, Toga and twice, he’s actually one of the moral support characters within the league who helps them all get along, despite certain personality issues between members, such as Dabi and literally anybody else.

7) “Yeah, he’s just following the lead, but the meta army is also doing the same, only chasing after what one person wishes to achieve. They aren’t that different, and for Spinner, that means that either of them can die right here, right now, and he’s sure as fuck that it wont be him.”- When you start at rock bottom, you’ve got the confidence of a firm foundation to stand back up on and make something of yourself. Trumpet’s powers work by uber-motivating his targets, so it’s kinda ironic that his attempt to demoralise Spinner doesn’t work because the latter is much smarter and more introspective than his appearance suggests, allowing him to fully understand and come to terms with his own weakness in comparison to others, and use it as a source of strength to stand back up against stronger opposition. Spinner and Subaru should meet up for talks sometime.

8) “Comparing both of you would mean stepping down to your level, and the league isn’t willing to go that low, no matter what.”-

Spinner: On my level? Bitch, Get yourself a ladder and a pair of stilts, and then maybe we’ll see eye to eye. Until then, you just keep looking up at the great and mighty Spinner as he kicks your goon squad to the curb!! Can you even fight without your Minions, oh mighty leader!!!?

9) “Oh boy, now both leaders are ready for a face-off, and the first thing Shigaraki does is point out the clear use of steroids before the fight.”- In fairness, between his hallucinations and sheer sleep-deprivation, I think Shigaraki might honestly be having trouble telling if he’s actually seeing Re-Destro all hulked out, or if he’s hallucinating him as being bigger and more muscled than he really is. Sadly, for Tomura’s digits, it’s not the first option.

10) “Oh yeah, Shigaraki may be a villain, but even he has to call out the armchair general attitude this dude had.”- You mentioned before the difference between a boss and a leader, and Tomura’s developed enough as a front-line leader that he’s not only more comfortable with putting himself in the danger zone rather than his comrades, he’s now getting pissed off when other people who would consider themselves his rivals show a comparatively ‘lazier’ leading style of standing back and letting the Minions take all the risk for them. It pissed him off with Overhall (and was something he ultimately took advantage of) and it’s annoyed him with Re-Destro, especially since both groups are ‘superior’ to his own, but crumble like a house of cards when the chips are down due to the poor leadership of their respective bosses.

11) “He even lost his shoe, a necessary sacrifice, but still, a deeply sad one.”-Honestly, I can’t tell if Tomura lost the shoe because it got affected by the decay too, ‘or’ his quirk, on the verge of being fully unleashed once more now his traumatic memories are surfacing, is started to emit his decay waves from his feet. Would certainly make him even ‘more’ dangerous than he currently is, having all 4 limbs being capable of spreading decay- and these ones are already connected to the ground, even!

12) “Oh, so your anger power you up, and it shows up as those marks on your face? Alright, I got it, a simple type of power. Actually, isn’t this basically the power from that dude that wanted to flash the crowd, back when the High-end Nomu first showed up?”-Somewhat similar, but his power was fuelled by ‘embarrassment’, and even before that, it’s implied that, unlike re-Destro, he can’t store up the feelings to use the strength for later, so he needs to be experiencing said emotion ‘constantly’ to keep his strength up, hence him stripping naked so he constantly experiences the shame of re-enacting ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’

13) “OH FUCK NO, SHIGARAKI’S GOING TO LOSE IT, HE BROKE HIS HAND, AND IT SEEMS LIKE THAT WAS THE ONE FROM HIS FACE”- He broke his hand, then he broke his ‘other’ hand, and the he basically broke all his other hands, before he intentionally broke his hand for good. Also, said hand is actually one from his left arm- back when he’s calling out Re-Destro’s size increase, you can see him tucking the face hand into a pocket in preparation for the impending fight, hence why he still has it one him after Re-Destro smashes all the others.

14) “AND HE’S NOT EVEN OVER PICKING APART HIS HAND”-So, now would be a good time to point out that with the three fingers he’s lost to Re-Destro Plucking them off like daises, Tomura now has ‘Seven” fingers- the same Number as his Grandmother’s Position in the OFA lineage.additionally, with his mangled ‘left’ arm, Tomura now Symbolically mirror’s Izuku and his permanently-busted ‘right arm- and in certain societies back in olden times, it used to be said that being left-handed was the sign that you’d been touched by the devil, with schools even teaching a curriculum specifically designed to teach those kids to use their non-dominant hand like everybody else, so Tomura’s left arm becoming akin to izuku’s mirrors his advancement as a villain to contrast Izuku’s own heroic narrative.

15) “Holy fuck what was that. Shigaraki just lost half his fucking hand, his power has gone down by half, as he needs the five fingers to activate his quirk. He not only has to fend of the literal fucking Hulk, he has to do it while sleep deprived to the point of passing out, and while using only one hand.”- Welp, we figured Spinner would be the next one to unlock the full potential of his power when he was pushed into a corner, but it looks like Shigaraki beat him to the punch.

Let’s see ‘exactly’ what kind of kick he’s got when he fights ‘without restraining Decay’, Shall we?

@thelreads

#bnha #mha233 #thelreads #chapter replies #my hero academia

1 note · View note

janelevy · 5 years

Text

next time we’re getting a cat

i needed something short and fluffy to write as a warm-up for the heavy angsty scene i’m about to write for tell me what you hate about me, so i did this little 830-word rhekker drabble (if i can call it that). i’ve been thinking about a scene like this for a while, and i miss writing them as doctors so... here it is! <3

It wasn’t normal for Connor to call in the middle of Ava’s shift on his day off. So when her phone began to buzz and she saw who it was, it felt like she was on the receiving end of a searing slap from a hot frying pan. Blood fizzing in her fingertips, she ducked into the thankfully empty doctors’ lounge and hit the accept button.

“What’s wrong?” she demanded the second the call connected.

“Hello to you too. And nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. Nobody is dead.” There was an odd tone underlaid in Connor’s voice, something she couldn’t quite place. It still made her feel uneasy despite what he said.

Ava slid down a little against the wall, raking some hair away from her forehead. “Well then why did you call me?”

“What if I just called you to say I love you?”

“Oh, please, Connor. You know we agreed to make phone calls during shifts for emergencies only.” She sighed and glanced through the clear glass to the bustling E.D. outside. She had been on her way back upstairs after a consult when the call came, and now she kind of wished she’d picked a less chaotic place to step aside and take it.

After a minute of relative silence (interspersed with some suspicious rustling from Connor’s end), Ava spoke up. “Did the baby overwhelm you again?”

An incredulous snort tickled her ear. “What? No!” Connor scoffed. “As a matter of fact, he did not. He’s just been... uh, crying. Like, a lot.”

“Sounds to me like you are overwhelmed.”

“I am not--”

“Then why did you call?” she asked. “I have a surgery scheduled in two hours. Do you really expect me to drop everything in the middle of a shift and come speeding home to you two? You said everything is fine. So you have it all under control, right?”

Ava knew she didn’t sound as frustrated as she wanted to sound, and that just annoyed her more. Unfortunately, Connor picked up on her lapse in tone and teased, “Oh, yes, I’m in as much control as you were that day you gave blood to a patient and collapsed into my arms.”

She sighed. “So I take it you don’t have it under control.”

“Avey, I just don’t know why he’s so upset. He wouldn’t eat when I tried to feed him. He didn’t like it when I tried to take him outside for fresh air. He won’t even play with me. I think he hates me. But then at the same time, he doesn’t want to be left alone! I tried to let him be but he only cried more.”

“Okay, first of all, he doesn’t hate you, Connor. I’m pretty sure he’s incapable of feeling hatred. Second of all, this whole thing was your idea so if he is capable of hatred, he better not hate you. And third, you’re a doctor. This isn’t rocket science, love.”

Connor groaned. “It’s starting to feel like it is rocket science. I’m stumped. This whole being-a-parent thing was harder than getting my M.D. But then again, I’m not exactly a vet, I’m a doctor for humans. So maybe that explains it?”

Ava’s pager chose that moment to go off, and she scanned over the message. She was needed upstairs, and soon. “Well,” she said, “I have to say, if you’re having this much trouble with a puppy, I’m concerned about how you’ll parent our actual human baby.”

He laughed, and a blush crept up her neck to warm her face. Something about his laugh did that to her. “Don’t worry. I still have five months to learn. I’m sure I’ll know something by then.”

She made a show of rolling her eyes even though he couldn’t see her. “Wow. I really should have married a pediatrician.”

“And I should have married a veterinarian!” Connor retorted.

The door to the lounge swung open, a nurse who Ava didn’t recognize standing there. “Dr. Rhodes, they’re requesting you upstairs. Is your pager working?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. I had a... semi-important call. I’ll be right there,” Ava told them. They left and she returned to Connor. “I have to go. Maybe try letting him sit up on the sofa with you and just relax together for a bit. I’m sure all he wants is your company.”

“Okay, I’ll try that,” Connor said.

“And by the way, next time we’re getting a cat.”

She could picture him making a face at the mere suggestion. “Yeah, we’ll see about that. If we get to that point, we might as well have a second kid instead.”

Ava made her way to the door. “Only if you’re the one who gets to have two straight months of morning sickness. Now seriously, I have to run. Bye, Connor.”

“Bye, Avey. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she replied. With that, she nudged open the door and walked briskly to the elevators.

#chicago med #ava bekker #connor rhodes #rhekker #fanfic

26 notes · View notes

sofuckingchuffed · 5 years

Note

"It's not too late" + Rhodestead -🚑

This is super messy and I’m so sorry.

READ IT ON AO3

------

Will feels an odd sense of disconnect, of detachment, as he walks. He’s distantly aware of the snow clinging to his hair and the wind kissing his cheeks, turning his nose numb, but it feels so far away, like it’s happening to somebody else and he’s just watching from a distance. He knows he should be cold, arms bare with only a t-shirt covering his torso, but he can’t feel it, not really.

It’s not until he’s standing outside Connor’s apartment that he makes a conscious thought, and everything comes rushing back into focus. His body shakes, from the cold, or from fear, he’s not really sure, but he can already feel that uncomfortable lump of emotion forming in his throat, and, not for the first time, he wishes he’d just gone straight home from the hospital instead of drowning his sorrows in expensive liquor paid for by rich men who all wanted their share of Will Halstead.

It’s not the first time he’s given himself over to that part of himself, washed it away with alcohol, but even alcohol can’t drown the self-loathing, and tonight, with a stranger’s hand down his pants, calloused fingertips working expertly, he knew he couldn’t keep doing this. He knew he couldn’t keep lying to himself about who he was, about who he loved, always hiding in the shadows, hiding behind a bottle, hiding behind a fake name in a bar no one would find him in.

It’s far too late at night to ring the doorbell, even if he had the courage to, but there’s a longing lodged in his chest all the same, snug alongside his too-fast heart.

He’s not sure why his subconscious brought him here, why his subconscious has more bravery than he’s ever consciously held in his entire life. All he knows is he can’t. He can’t face that. Not now. Likely not ever.

He wraps his arms around himself, turning away from Connor’s building, a deep sadness welling inside him at the thought if what could be, what could have been, if only he’d had the courage to say yes instead of hiding behind a no.

“Will?” Connor’s voice sounds from behind him, and slowly, Will turns to look, swallowing hard. “What are you— it’s freezing, where’s your coat?”

As if on cue, a violent shiver runs right through Will’s body, and he wraps his arms even tighter around himself.

“Not sure,” he admits with a shrug, not quite meeting Connor’s gaze.

Connor doesn’t say anything else, he just removes his own coat as he walks over to Will and drapes it over his shoulders before guiding him inside. And Will lets him, because what else can he do? He feels suddenly helpless, incapable of making a decision for himself, and Connor’s warmth is far too nice, far too inviting to refuse.

They’re silent in the elevator to Connor’s penthouse, silent as he steers Will to the lounge, silent even as he makes Will a cup of tea he won’t drink.

“Wanna tell me what’s up?” He eventually asks, smile sympathetic and open as he tilts his head in Will’s direction, always open, always inviting, always sincere.

Will shakes his head then shrugs, gripping the mug in his hands a little bit tighter. He doesn’t even know how to begin to put any of what he’s feeling into words. He’s still processing, still coming to terms with the fact that he wants this, that he wants to want this, that he wants other people to know he wants this, too.

“Okay,” Connor says quietly, clearly unwilling to push. “When you’re ready, I can drive you home.”

Will’s stomach swoops and he shakes his head, staring down at the contents of the mug, and Connor sighs, inching closer until their thighs are pressed together.

“Work with me here,” Connor whispers, leaning far enough into Will’s space that it ought to be uncomfortable. “What’s going on?”

“Two years ago,” Will blurts out without meaning to. He swallows hard, glancing sideways at Connor before turning his attention back to the mug. “Two years ago you asked me out.”

Connor sits back just a little, and Will misses his warmth instantly, another small shiver running down his spine in protest. He sets the mug down, turning with the intention of looking at Connor, but he can’t quite meet his eyes. Still, he can see the light blush dusting Connor’s cheeks and the downturn of his lips, and he feels a simultaneous surge of guilt and affection.

“And you told me you’re not gay,” Connor says, voice tight and reserved.

“I lied,” Will says in a rush, heart rate climbing as his stomach does somersaults. “I don’t know what I am but I lied about how I felt about you. How I feel about you. And after tonight, I thought—“

He breaks off with a sharp, shaky breath, lungs burning for air. He sucks in another breath, then another, trying desperately to stop his head from spinning and his hands from shaking. Connor lays a hand on top of his, thumb brushing across his skin.

“Breathe,” he encourages, voice gentle and sweet, and Will closes his eyes, bowing his head as he fights back the sob working its way up his throat.

“I don’t know,” he croaks out eventually. “I know I’ve missed my chance. I didn’t mean to come here. I know it’s too late and—“

“It’s not too late,” Connor cuts him off, giving his hand a squeeze.

Will lets out a shaky sigh, wrapping his arms around himself again. A part of him wants to go all in, to tell Connor exactly how he feels, that he’s gone ahead and fallen in love over the time they’ve worked together. He wants to tell Connor that he feels like he knows him more than he’s ever known anyone else, that they have a connection he could never have dreamed of. Even when they’re fighting they get each other. But it still scares him too much to put into words, because he’s always told himself and everyone else he’s straight. He’s never allowed himself to even consider that side of himself, let alone explore it.

But the possibility of that door still being open is enough for now, and it feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, even as a new weight takes its place.

“I don’t know how to...be this. With you. I don’t—“

“It’s okay,” Connor assures. “You figure this out on your own terms, no pressure.”

“I want you,” Will croaks, vision clouding with tears.

“You have me, Will,” Connor says softly, voice cracking as he cups Will’s cheek. “You always have.”

#rhodestead #chicago med #connor rhodes #will halstead #will x connor #connor x will #one chicago #fanfiction #prompts #drabbles #my writing #Anonymous

33 notes · View notes

cupidmarwani-archive · 5 years

Text

Not to Me (Chekker)

Summary: The past catches up to Ava and Robin

WC: 1458

As the sun comes up all over again on a new day, a fresh, clean slate of a day, Robin strokes Ava’s hair and thinks about what happened to them before they found each other. A lot of pain, to say it quickly. She’s free of that, here; laying in bed with her wife, the day beginning through the curtains with the usual Chicago bustle. Most mornings they would partake, but they both have today off, which means relaxation. Just the two of them.

Robin means to let Ava sleep, but as the sunlight streams in the window, she stirs and begins to wake up, first in her slowly moving limbs and then in her eyes blinking open, and then in the half-smile biting at her lips. She’s sleep, fatigue in her smile lines, and as she sits up she stretches her sleep-stiff joints until they crack.

“Good morning, beautiful,” she says slowly, leaning forward to kiss Robin’s cheek, ever mindful of morning breath catching between them. “Been up long?”

She shakes her head and wraps her arms around Ava, drowning in the feeling of her warm skin, studded with goosebumps as the cold air outside the blankets rolls over her. They’ve got cleaning up to do before they shower; the stained sheets on the floor, the toy sitting atop them, and the sticky sheen of dried sweat over them both. They should’ve done all that last night, but they were tired, and sometimes sleep is better than being adults.

But first, they linger in bed together and allow their blood to start flowing, their limbs to wake up as their minds have begun to. She appreciates the soreness in her legs when she swings them over the side of the bed, the slight ache in her back. It’s familiar, but so different with the memory of last night and how much she loves Ava. With Connor, it was different. He didn’t do anything wrong, per se, but she just wasn’t as into it as he was. With Ava, it’s easier. Better.

“Getting up?”

Robin blinks rapidly and looks up. Somehow she didn’t notice Ava getting out of bed, but now she has an excuse to kiss against the bottom of her ribcage. “Yeah. I’ll start the laundry, you wash the…”

“The dick? You can say dick.”

“It’s not a…” Robin trails off. She’s an adult. “It’s not a dick. It’s your harness and attachment. I wouldn’t want it if it was a dick.”

Ava laughs and picks it up. “That’s fair. Meet me in the shower?”

She nods and gets up, gathering the sheets in her arms as she goes to put it in the wash, Ava’s gorgeous laugh still ringing in her ears like a chorus. Angelic, she thinks as she throws the wadded up sheets into the washer and stands on her toes to reach the detergent. Ava always puts it up high. They’re practically the same height, but Ava’s got an inch on her, and ridiculously long arms. It’s a game they play. More than once, she’s heard her girlfriend laugh in the other room when she finds, say, the coffee set on the very bottom shelf instead of its usual place.

As she measures the right amount to pour into the machine, she remembers other times doing soiled sheets the morning after, if they weren’t done right afterwards. Connor would stand behind her, his hands on her waist, and distract her. Or focus her. He spent a decent amount of time babying her, acting like she was incapable of thinking or doing for herself. It was out of love, but still. It hurt like nothing else has ever hurt. The way he treated her like she was his patient. Someone he was in charge of as opposed to in love with.

She’s thinking about Connor when she gets back to the master bath, where the strap is hung on one of the towel racks to dry and Ava is testing the water temperature with one outstretched hand. Robin admires the way her waist tapers in, and then curves out. The way the light sinks into her skin. The curls that appear in tangled, unwashed hair that Robin will run her hands through in a few moments. And still, she thinks about Connor, except it’s about Ava and Connor as opposed to him and herself. Connor probably helped Ava wash her hair too, before he fell on hard times and took it out with baseless, angry accusations. He probably watched her test the water with her right hand. He probably came up behind her and kissed her shoulder.

Even when Ava turns around and reaches for her, she’s thinking about him. It must show on her face, because suddenly there are arms around her and she sinks into Ava’s embrace.

“What was it this time?”

“The laundry.”

Ava hums and rubs Robin’s back, firm pressure, reassurance, love. “It’s not anything you did. Just like it wasn’t anything I did.”

“I know,” she says, and almost negates it.

“I think about it too,” Ava admits. “It hurts, but that doesn’t mean we’re at fault.”

Robin smiles at her stiffly. “You believed him for a while. You thought you did those things. Sometimes you still do.”

There’ve been nights where they’ve both sat awake, Ava’s head in her lap, crying and asking why, why Connor accused her of those things, why he even thought of them, why she’s not good enough. They’re not easy questions to answer, and they’re questions which should not have to be asked. But before each other, he’s who they had, and his shortcomings bled into the two of them harshly for too long.

“Let’s shower,” Ava says instead of answering, and pulls Robin over to water, warm enough that it’s begun fogging the mirrors and adding humidity to the air.

There’s no reason to say no, but the thoughts linger as they wash each other clean, detangle hair and replace dried sweat with the muted scent of rose. And there, under the water, they kiss more because they can, and Robin sighs into it when Ava cups her gently, a light pressure that’s just barely teasing. They won’t do more right now, still sleepy and no doubt on their way to a rough day buried in thoughts of the past, but it feels nice nonetheless, just as nice as the way Ava dries her hair for her when they step out of the water.

“I’ll put on new sheets and we can go back to sleep,” Robin says, wrapping her towel around her and leaving Ava with one last peck on the cheek before heading into the bedroom. They slept on top of the comforter last night, but they can’t do that forever. She goes for the nice ones Ava bought, high thread count and a soft olive green, and drags the duvet onto the floor so she can put the new sheets onto the mattress. It’s a little more exertive than she’d like, but hey, someone has to do it while Ava painstakingly combs her hair and does her thousand step skin care routine.

She can picture exactly what Ava’s doing in the mirror. Combing the very end of her hair as her favorite peel-mask for the morning after dries. She never remembers to wash her face after they have sex, and this makes up for it, she says. It leaves her skin smelling faintly of lemon and mint, which Robin loves more than she’s put to words. Lemon and mint smell like home now.

By the time she’s made the bed- and pulled back the duvet to crawl under again- Ava emerges from the bathroom, makes a grab for a pair of boxers, and joins her. The sun is bright now, welcoming Robin wraps her arms around Ava.

“They’re opening an investigation,” Ava says in the softest voice Robin’s ever heard from her. “Connor told Halstead he thinks I killed his father, and Halstead told his brother. Now they’re going to investigate me.”

“That’s crazy-”

“I saw Halstead’s brother taking statements from everyone when I left yesterday.”

More than anything, Robin wishes she knew how to fix it. She wishes she could undo the damage. She wishes that they found each other sooner. But she can only hold Ava tightly and stroke bare skin with the pad of her thumb.

“He’s just angry and grieving,” she says. “You didn’t do anything, so nothing bad will happen.”

“There’ll be rumors.”

She nods. “Probably. But it’s not your fault, remember? You didn’t do anything.”

Ava doesn’t respond, which is both good and bad. Nonetheless, Robin keeps holding her and knows that everything is going to turn out alright, no matter what.

#chekker #ava bekker #robin charles #mine #fic #loveseries

5 notes · View notes

princecupcakee · 4 years

Text

Park Bench | Reddie

Read on AO3

Rating: E

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Word Count: 3,112

Chapter: 6/8

Past Chapters: Chapter 1 (AO3), Chapter 2 (AO3), Chapter 3 (AO3), Chapter 4 (AO3), Chapter 5 (AO3)

Next Chapter:

Chapter 6: Eddie Kaspbrak Gets Hurt, Richie Tozier, Stan And Patty Uris, And Ben and Beverly Marsh Buy A Ring & Eddie Kaspbrak, Bill Denbrough and Mike Hanlon Plan A Leave

Tag-list: @richietoaster, @s-s-georgie, @mikeuris, @gazebobullshit, @that-weird-girls-blog, @tozierking, @thoughtfullyyoungduck, @s-onora, @bellarosewrites, @lermanslogan, @ambitiousskychild, @ghostnebula, @vanillaredvelvet,

(Ask if you wanna be on the tag-list!!)

Chapter 6

Eddie Kaspbrak Gets Hurt

Richie was out getting… something (he didn’t tell Eddie), he said it would take a while. Which left Eddie in an uncomfortable state. He didn’t want it to happen again, he didn’t want to lose something as important as this.

“How could you do this? You cheated on me, Eddie! With a man! I thought you cared for me, you didn’t want to hurt me!”

“Myra, I’m sorry. It was a mistake-“

“How was that a mistake? You’ve been dating for three months, Eddie. And you just pass that off as a mistake?”

“None of that was supposed to happen, Myra! I didn’t know what I was doing!”

“The texts seem to say otherwise.”

“Fine! Lets get a divorce!”

“What?”

“I’m done! I can’t do anything here. You’re always saying that I’m hurting you, then I’ll stop! This marriage was headed for doom the moment it happened.”

“Are you hearing yourself, Eddie? This is crazy! This is what that man has done to you!”

“None of that was him, it was me! I don’t want this marriage, I don’t want this life! I’m sorry, I know what I did was wrong and I should’ve just told you before this got out of hand, but I didn’t. So, I’m sorry. This is how we fix this.”

Eddie, feeling incapable of love, takes a safe seat on the couch. ‘What the hell am I doing here?’ He thinks to himself, bringing his face into his hands. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but he’s been thinking about this the whole time. He’s been thinking of leaving, this whole time. He’s been so happy with Richie. Of course, he was. But his past is taunting him, following his every move and making him afraid.

He doesn’t want to hurt Richie. The best thing to do is to leave. Just as he did with Myra. That is how you fix it, right?

Fuck. He needed a drive. Now. Richie took his car out though, and talking to yourself at the train station isn’t a thing he would really want to do. Run. That’s it. Thats what he’ll do. He’s always been good at track; this should be fine. His mother wasn’t here to stop him this time.

So he put on his shoes and stepped out the door. It was never that cold in Los Angeles, people casually went out on runs. But when he bolts away from Richie’s place, ran straight onto the road with his eyes closed from pushing back tears then getting hit by a car, he thinks maybe running was a bad idea.

He woke up in a shaking ambulance. His eyes shut, he should’ve expected this. Its not like he hasn’t woken up in an ambulance before. ‘I thought the point was to help people, I feel like I’m gonna throw up’ he thinks bitterly. He closes his eyes again, he didn’t need to be asked questions, or checked on, just needed time to think. ‘You wanted a drive now you got one’ his mind laughs at him. He was tired, but he did need to think. He could make a run for it, leave without a word. But that wouldn’t be fair to Richie, would it? He’d do anything to keep Richie. Keep him happy, keep him in his life, whichever he meant, it still fits his description. He could pick a fight. He was good at that. He cheated on his wife, he would know how to cause problems.

If Richie were to see him at the hospital, which was likely, he could pick a fight. A quick, simple, small fight that he would enlarge, ruining every smile he received since the divorce. He wants to deserve Richie. He needs it. But he can’t just be that person. Plus, Richie would find out sooner or later, that he’s truly incapable of not fucking up love. The love in his marriage wasn’t real. He tried to remember if he ever thought it was. Hell, if he fucked up a love he only created in his head, how could he be capable of real fucking thing? He knew it sounded stupid, but his heart felt like it was being thrown into an incinerator, maybe that meant it wasn’t.

Its too much for him to handle, thats easy to admit, but to admit to himself that he’s so in love would be a little harder. He knew where this was headed before it even started, he was too much of a mess. He shut his eyes tighter. Richie has the perfect job for him now, he’s got his friends, he’s got a place, he should be fine without Eddie. Eddie was just scared, and incapable, and destructive, and defensive, and nothing that Richie would need.

He promised himself that night, seeing Myra cry and beg for him to stay, that love was too much. That he couldn’t handle hurting someone like that. He hurt his mother so much as a child, she would always say so after Eddie would leave the house for longer than she’d said to. Was she really hurt? Eddie couldn’t tell anymore, he just knew that she didn’t like it. Myra was mostly the same, was hurt when ever Eddie would do something that he wanted to without telling her first. Seemed as if most of what he wanted wasn’t allowed.

He knew that it was trauma. That it was built into his head that he’s always hurting people. But he’s still scared. Its one thing to know what happened, its another to know how to deal with it. Eddie didn’t know the latter. He’s been trying, really, but in the early hours of the morning, when Richie would be sound asleep beside him, he’d wonder if he hurt Richie. He probably would. So, the best plan would be to leave, where Richie could forget about him, and go on as if he never existed, maybe then he couldn’t hurt Richie.

So, when Richie sees him in the hospital, worried and almost in tears, his heart twists.

“Eddie, what happened? Are you okay?” Richie rushes, Beverly, Ben, Stan, and Patty following behind. Eddie doesn’t bother to ask why.

“I'm fine,” he says stubbornly.

“What happened to you?”

“I went out for a run, got hit by a car, I’m fine though.”

“You aren’t fine, you got hit by a car,” Richie says loudly. Eddie wonders if this hurt him.

“So? I’m still breathing, Richie.”

“You’re still- you’re still breathing? So? Your fucking hurt I thought you were a risk analyst!”

“What? So you’re gonna get mad at me for getting hurt? It was an accident, I can do everything just fine. We can go back now, I’m not in any pain,” Eddie waves off. He really was in pain though, a throbbing headache, his sides feeling like they’ve been stabbed.

“We’re not going back, you have to stay here and heal, from… that!” Richie gestures to Eddie in the hospital bed.

“You can’t just tell me to stay here, I’m fine, this is my body anyway.”

“You’re being a dick, man.”

“Do I look like I care?”

“I’m trying to help you!”

“You’re not doing shit!”

Silence followed after that, Richie with tears in his eyes and Eddie trying to hold his back. ‘This is how to fix it’ he reminds himself, turning his head to face away from Richie.

“Well… how can I do something?” Richie asks softly.

Another minute of silence, “You can’t,” Eddie chokes out, “can you please just leave?”

“Okay.”

~~~

Richie, seated on a hard cold chair in the hospital, tries to breathe. Calling him a dick was probably unnecessary, he was hurt after all. That was probably his fault. Yeah, he was trying to help Eddie but he wasn’t doing it right. He did feel as if he was a bit controlling. Thats always what Connor would say. Every time he asked him where he was going, who that girl he was with was, why he wouldn’t come home at night. He was controlling.

He should apologize, he really is in love with Eddie. Mike and Bill are in Eddie’s hospital room right now, he should just go in there. A normal apology might not do it. He grinned. Everything fits into place. He just hopes Eddie says ‘yes.’

Richie Tozier, Stan And Patty Uris, And Ben and Beverly Marsh Buy A Ring

“I’m horrified,” Richie mumbles walking into the store. They were buying a ring now. Richie’s plans all fitting into place. He had told Eddie that he went out to buy something, though, he doubts Eddie was really listening. Patty, Stan, Ben, and Beverly were here with him, they were the only ones who knew about the proposal.

He had the perfect plan. He’d replay the day they first kissed. Well, without the date of course. And seeing Walter and Maddison. (He still wonders how to fill that gap.) Pulling Eddie out of bed to take him to a different restaurant with a similar view to the one before. He didn’t want Eddie to exactly notice his plan so a normal too-early-watch-the-sunrise breakfast would do. He would take Eddie out around town, anywhere the wind took them, by sundown, they would be back, seated on the bench a ring in Richie’s hand and one knee on the ground. He had checked the weather for that day, it was most likely to rain that night, which fit perfectly to his plans. And, if not, it would work either way.

Maybe he’d play a game again, ask Eddie to marry him as they talked. He was still debating that part since Eddie talked about his divorce to Richie that day. Well, he mentioned it. Eddie wouldn’t really tell him things. It wasn’t something he really liked to do. He told Richie nothing about his divorce, his family, it's almost like it didn’t happen. But it affected Eddie, Richie could tell that. It slightly worried Richie. Eddie wouldn’t really let him in. Anything about his past seems to be missing, something long gone and thrown away. If Eddie didn’t want to talk about it, that was fine, sometimes Richie just hoped he would tell him sometimes. Richie just hoped that he could help.

“Don’t worry about it, Richie,” Patty says, smiling.

A quick thank you to Patty, “remind me again how you know Eddie’s ring size?” He asks Beverly.

“I helped him look for rings when he got married.”

“Oh God that makes it worse. What if he doesn’t wanna get married anymore? Did his divorce suck? He didn’t tell me much about it-“

“Richie,” Stan says, walking over to a jeweler. Richie walks over to a different one with Bev.

“You should ask him yourself, Rich. About his divorce. All I really know is that he loves you,” Beverly smiles after asking to see three different rings (which Richie thought was a bit extra.)

“I guess thats… yeah, thats a better idea.”

“I know you’re doing this again but, I mean, I’m really believing in this one, I’ve known Eddie a long time.”

Richie appreciated the comment in silence. He believed in this too. “You’re marriage has been perfect, how?”

Beverly was surprised by the question, “I guess, love? It isn’t that easy to explain, and everything I’m going to say would be cheesy as fuck, but yeah, I guess love would be it.”

“You and Ben are such sappy assholes,” Richie laughs, earning a playful punch to the shoulder from Beverly.

“When are you proposing anyway?”

“Saturday,” he smiles confidently.

The jeweller brought up the box of rings set inside the glass box. Beverly had chosen three. Two golden bands with matching circular diamonds embedded into it, a pair of golden rings with three blue diamonds, and the third, a silver ring with a large square diamond in its centre. Richie hated the last one for sure. He debated it for a few minutes, the first pair or the second.

“I’d say the gold one with the blue ones,” Stan says, coming up behind them.

“Yeah,” Richie smiled, “could you carve something on the inside of that?”

“Of course,” the jeweler replied, “just write down what you want,” he pulled out a piece of paper that Richie was sure wasn’t there and wrote ‘R + E’ The jeweler then explained the prices and the ring in words Richie would only dream to understand.

He was buying a ring for Eddie. He was going to try proposing, he was going to ask Eddie to marry him. The thought alone made Richie’s heart race, but he smiled. This love is worth a shot. This would work. Eddie wouldn’t do want Connor did to him. Eddie is kind, and brave and caring, and everything Richie could ask for. Richie wondered if the cheesier something sounds, the more true it is. It seemed to fit the definition.

“Hey, Rich?” Stan says beside him. Bev was off somewhere with Ben now, Patty was looking at a few necklaces, leaving Richie and Stan together.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really proud of you man,” he pats Richie’s shoulder.

“Thanks,” he smiled fondly.

“I was worried about you, man. After… Connor, I didn’t think you’d want to keep with it.”

“Eddie’s really amazing.”

“I can tell,” he smiles.

“Don’t take him from me. If you got that hot shit, Mike, you could probably get Eddie too.”

“Who- who told you that?” Stan asked punching Richie’s arm.

“What is it with people punching me?” He rubs his arm exaggeratedly.

Stan laughed, “‘cause you’re a dick.”

His phone rang, echoing around the store, gaining looks. ‘Eds Spaghetti’ flashed on his screen. “hey!”

“Sir, I have Mr. Edward Kaspbrak’s phone with me and you were on the emergency dial. He is in the hospital,” the woman on the other line gave an address, and Richie shut his phone to head to the hospital.

Eddie Kaspbrak, Bill Denbrough and Mike Hanlon Plan A Leave

“Eddie, are you sure about this? This is the one time its working out for you, we both think so,” Mike says sympathetically gesturing to him and Bill.

“I’ve made enough fucking mistakes I don’t wanna keep fucking shit up.”

“B-but you aren’t!” Bill argues, he opens his mouth to say more but Eddie cuts him off.

“I will, Bill. You know me just as well as I do, I can’t do this,” it hurts when he says that. He’s about to burst into tears, he knows it, so he breathes slowly.

“I haven’t seen you this happy, Eddie. This is… new. This is something thats good for you,” Mike has always been rational. The one to make decisions and the one to ask for help. But Eddie doesn’t need help. He doesn’t want to change what he thinks, he doesn’t want to be persuaded away, leading to what he knows will happen.

Bill and Mike are talking again, but he doesn’t want to hear anything else. He tries not to blink, the tears will probably fall the second he does. ‘This isn’t a mistake’, he thinks. He wants to think. There’s nothing for him here, nothing that can fix him. He’s going back to New York City, he’ll find an apartment, he’ll go to work, thats all. At this point, he doubts he’ll fall in love again. Richie might. Richie will, he likes to think. Someone better than he is. Someone who can give Richie what he deserves.

Richie told him about Connor. All the things he did, all the horrible words he said. Eddie hated it. He only wishes he could be with Richie for that long, Connor just wasted it. Sometimes he would wonder if Connor regrets it (or if he could make Connor regret it) and wondered if that would happen to him. When he leaves, would he regret it? If he was being selfish, probably. But he was doing this for Richie. This would be good for him. This is how you fix things.

“I’m going to do it,” he whispers, “I don’t care if you don’t think this is a good idea, sometimes I don’t think it is. But thats just me wanting to make things worse. I’m going.”

The tears were bursting out now, but Mike and Bill didn’t move (as much as it hurt them to do so.) “You c-can change y-your mind, Eddie. Y-you can change. I th-think you already have,” Bill says softly.

Eddie just sits there, his breathing is still mostly still steady. People always said that, that you could change. And most people can. He knows he can. But the risk of hurting someone while still just trying to change. That in-between point where your still figuring out what and how to change from the way you were before to the way you want to be. There is always a risk. Nothing is ever easy. He learned that.

Richie is someone he didn’t want to hurt. He’s gone through being hurt before, and its effects were pretty clear. Eddie could do that, Eddie probably will. This was inescapable. If he couldn’t hold himself back then, how would he do it now? With the ‘power of love’? Love exists he’s sure of that, but what would it be able to do? What would it be able to fix?

When Eddie’s in tears, all his anger goes away. All of the fire inside of him leaves. All there is the pain it has left. “I wish I thought the same as you, Bill,” he weakly laughed.

Bill and Mike didn’t protest anymore, knowing it would be useless. Eddie’s going to leave Los Angeles on Saturday, and there’s no stopping him. They wonder if there ever was a way to. But they doubt it.

#reddie #reddie fic #it #it chap one #it chap two #remembering sunday + the book ninja au #*evil laughter*

10 notes · View notes

dontsearchmethanks-blog · 5 years

Text

Hey, you! — Sincerely, Me.

You and I have quite the history, one in which we seem to be rather quiet regarding. I haven’t always been too fond of you, ya know? As I sit here right now, imagining this mirror image of myself sitting across from me, I am realizing there’s more that I would like to to say to you than I originally expected.

A good place in which I’d think we should start: I’m sorry for the physical pain I have brought you. In the beginning, I’m honestly not quite sure as to how it became the coping mechanism that it did. I remember when we first felt pleasure from pain.

Your grandfather from your mother’s side was still living. It was during your grandparent’s brief break of 4 months between 62 years. We remember this because papaw’s enormous rocking chair he slept in during that time had a piece of metal piercing the corner of its cloth. We were running through the living room one day when that piece of metal that was piercing through that cloth, pierced your skin.

— looking down, I was watching the blood slowly flood the fresh ditch of torn flesh in which the metal had engraved itself. At this point, I can only assume that the typical 5th grader would’ve gone to their parents and weeped until they were fed some ice cream. However, we seemed to get this rush. This was how hurting you had even began.

Looking back at this now, I can kinda piece together where we shouldn’t have found this odd. Our home life wasn’t exactly ideal, we didn’t have a parental figure that we could run to in confidence, you see? — do you understand where we felt completely responsible for oneself, beginning at a very young age?

I’m glad you forgive me for this, because honestly this is just the very beginning, Carter..

I’m sorry for the pain I caused you.

I’m sorry for the pain that came out of pure blame and this only led to self betrayal, we were trapped in an awakening hell.

I know you remember every single time we looked each other in the eyes and retreated into self hatred.

— I know you remember that night when mom had came home early, back when we lived in Bonita. She stumbled in, clearly strung out on Xanax once again— Kylie and I had immediately exchanged looks, knowing things weren’t going to end well once she made it to her husband’s bedroom. We took Connor to the bathroom, which was our regular retreat area when things got too loud in the house but it was too dark to go fiddle with Roxanne outside. This is where things get a little blurry. Kylie and I heard loud echos within the walls in which it was clear things had progressed into another physical altercation. Sitting Connor down as fast as possible, I remember seeing Kylie only hesitate for a brief second before she made up her mind, in which she decided to rush to the defense of our mother. Her and I both ran to the opposite side of the house, and as we turned the corner, we saw our mother’s husband holding our mother with his hand on the back of her neck, forcing her face into the mattress as his knee stabbed her lower back. He was screaming words that I still can’t remember due to the simple fact I did not care. Regardless of how shitty of a mother she was at the time, my ears still ignored him and my eyes immediately scanned the closest surface for a weapon in which I would be able to aid our mother. As I reached for the Bitch Vodka from the top of the fridge, Kylie ran into the room and just threw herself at him. She was screaming at the top of her lungs for him to stop hurting her mom as she planted as many punches as possible into this abdomen, without ever dropping her beloved teddy bear that me and Connor often hid in efforts to annoy her. — later this night, or rather that morning— after the kids and everyone had finally gone, I remember locking myself in my bedroom and looking myself dead in my eyes and just laughing. Laughing at the fact we were foolish enough to believe we could actually protect them from the truth of their own lives.. laughing at the fact we were just pathetic. Replay the night in my head, see the memories play again as I stare into the reflection of my own eyes— then quickly closing our eyes and dragging the blade across our shoulders. We had to be about 14 or 15, at this point.. I remember what I would always whisper to you when I gave you that small nudge of encouragement it took to destroy our own skin & hate our very being, and do you know what it was? It was 3 simple words. “You deserve this.” — then BAM, just like that— that so called pain just sank into that same rush, that same high we get off hating ourselves.

—I know you remember that day back in alternative school, wearing your white holster hoodie, returning to our hateful glare at our own reflection, only this time it was the school’s mirror in which we stood. I forgot what exactly happened that day, but I remember looking at you dead in your eyes and telling you how unloved and undeserving you will always be, down the the fact your own mother would rather drain out the reality of you being her child when she feels like you’re far too much. I know you remember when I’d repeat all of those hateful things to you, making you cry just to get it out. I always found it quite funny, once I finally made you cry, you always fell completely weak. Down to your knees, it didn’t matter who heard your pleads to me— yourself. Begging you to just love me and accept the fact we might just possibly be perfectly okay..

—I know you remember that night in which we fell drunken into the ER with the man you decided to fall in love with during the year 2017. I know you still remember when he completely disrespected and disregarded the entirety of your morals. I know you still remember how he would tell you he was in love with you after he fucked those women at the bar and I know you still remember sitting in that same garage, feeling nothing more overbearing than the guilt as you told him, “fine, this is the last time I give this a try,”— I know you remember feeling that overbearing guilt due to the fact you know once you forgave him again, you were then disrespecting and disregarding our OWN moral values.. you chose him over us. You chose to make his own excuses for him due to the fact you were scared, Carter.

— I know you remember when we contemplated for the first time, after 2 years of sharing a life with this man, if we truly did love him.. or if we were simply selfish.

You knew he didn’t love you the moment he threatened to lay hands on you, you let it progress to the point where his threats began to take action, and by then?.. by then you felt like we were in far too deep, babe. You felt obligated to this man. He hit you and how dare you, even briefly, how dare you.. you allowed him to use the excuse of it being our fault. You let him tell us that we weren’t deserving.

& for all of this, I am sorry.

I am sorry for ever allowing the fact our mother ruined her life, even for a brief moment, dictate how deserving we are within our own life. — I also thank you for this, however. We let this impact us to the point where we lowered ourselves.. we convinced ourselves that we were deserving of nothing more than pain and suffering. Can you believe that? There was that point in which we truly believed we worth nothing. There was a point where we disrespected and disregarded oneself to the point in which we allowed another human being to do the same.

— In this, we learned the meaning of that old saying, “you have to love yourself before you love anyone else.” In my experience, it applies in the sense that I must find myself worthy and deserving of love before I claim to be capable of loving another. One cannot love without having love. Otherwise, it feels impure. How can you love someone else without having that love for yourself? It seems without having that love for oneself, they tend to only think they love another.. while in reality, one is actually feeling strong attached due to their selfishness. If you do not have that love within yourself prior to allowing yourself to love another, then you will not have anything to truly give them of yourself. You will only be feeding off of the love they give you, and eventually you both will come to the realization that sometimes, even if it is a different definition of “love”, you will realize that this supposed “love” will never be enough to recover the relationship unless one has established true love within oneself in order to provide that genuineness to another.

—We also learned that sometimes we must love from the distance, in regards to making mends with the fact your mother’s current situation does not define who you decide to be today, nor who you decide to morph yourself into. We made mends with the fact that even though your mother cannot provide the love you yearn from her, we have made peace with the fact she simply does not have that love within herself, therefore.. she is incapable of effectively proving me with the motherly love in which i had always wanted. Again, however, we have come to an acceptance that we cannot let how much value someone else holds to us, define how much value we find within ourselves.

Hopefully you can see where this pain brought us wisdom.. And now I’m going to try to bring this to a closure here soon.. but I have just a few more things we need to acknowledge.

I’m sorry for questioning why our love wasn’t enough when Nana’s suicide occurred.

I’m sorry for blaming us, because we weren’t there.

I’m sorry for letting you be so foolish, in the sense you’d blame yourself..

That is not our fault, Carter. We were there. We did everything we possibly could and this may not be something we will ever be able to completely accept... but we will gain more from this. Yes, more pain. But hopefully you’ve come to the realization that with great pain and confusion later comes great wisdom and several opportunities if one uses this wisdom effectively.. you’re smart, babe.

I know that we will never be able to really just make sense of this one.. but maybe sometimes, things shouldn’t make sense. Maybe sometimes, life is unfair. And things happen for seemingly no real reason other than the assumption we must just have some shit luck.. but maybe we should stop asking so many questions. Because we can’t get answers with this one. She’s gone. She was in a great deal of pain. That was her choice. She told you to take care of yourself.

So, I’m sorry for not being the best version of ourselves that we can be. I apologize for the fact I have not given us anything near the amount of respect and love that we do indeed deserve. We are deserving of it all, because we have lived for it all.

I find myself worthy, because I have survived every single life threatening situation that my own self hatred has placed me in. I find myself worthy because I have earned this life that I am now able to truly call my own, while pridefully planning to only progress when it comes to my personal success.

3 notes · View notes

connywrites · 5 years

Text

of flesh and blood 8

start - part [7] and earlier

“Detective Reed’s been acting strange lately,” Jeffrey said with confusion and shook his head, before letting out an amused ‘heh’ of surprise.

“But he’s gotten more work done since…” leaning forward, he adjusted his glasses to squint at the files.

“Since he started working at the DPD.” Hank stood with his arms folded, eyes narrowing with a skeptical gaze and a slow nod.

“Does Connor help you like that?” His voice was genuinely curious as he turned back to Hank, looking up at him.

“Help, sure. Train? Not a chance,” he said gruffly with a chuckle.

“Androids training people… and to think it worked,” Fowler said with disbelief.

“Huh. A human sure as hell couldn’t do it.” They shared another moment of laughter, something they hadn’t done in long enough neither of them would remember.

“How’s the case going, Anderson?” Hank sighed, letting his hands fall to his sides.

“I hate to say it, but I’m too old for this. How about retirement, huh?” Fowler raised an eyebrow with a smirk.

“Twelve more years, Hank.” Tilting his head back, the younger of the two groaned long and hard.

“Oh, I know, poor baby,” Jeffrey mused, returning his attention to his paperwork.

“Go entertain yourself. Take an early lunch, hell, it’s been a slow day anyway.” All Hank’s exaggerated self-deprecation left him in one fell swoop as he looked sincerely surprised.

“Gavin doin’ so good you’re in a generous mood, huh?” Fowler paused, then huffed, but couldn’t help the smile.

“Half my load is off my shoulders. I might take my wife to dinner tonight.” Brows raised, Hank gave him another long stare, then accepted the offer before Fowler changed his mind.

“There’s a wine tasting on friday. Not your thing, I know, but it’s at the brewery.” Turning his head, Hank looked at him quizzically.

“Wanna come? I’ll buy you a few.” Hank chortled.

“Jesus. Okay. You gonna smile at me like that the whole time?”

“No way,” he said swiftly.

“Then you’d get used to it. I can’t have that.”

“I would like a pay raise. Seventeen cents is a fair increase, considering I haven’t had one in the past two years.” Gavin knew he slipped with the last bit of snark, but it kept Fowler’s attention, and that was all that mattered.

“Oh, you want a reward for your good deeds?” Jeffrey shook his head.

“I’ll see about it at the next board meeting. Bring your best outfit,” he said pointedly, acknowledging the fact Gavin stood next to him in a crisp white button-up, bronze tie and a pair of jeans that looked new.

“And leave the android at home, you know the rules.”

“Yes sir.” Turning away, Gavin was gone in a flash without so much as a dismayed glare.

“Connor.” The android turned on his heel as he heard his name, straightening his posture attentively.

“Yes, Detective?”

Inclining his head, Gavin held out his hand.

Connor stared at it.

“Goddammit, don’t make me spell it out for you,” he muttered before immediately catching himself and straightening out, lifting his head once he remembered to keep his posture upright.

“Er. Sorry.“ Connor blinked, confused, but unwavering.

"Truce.” The android’s eyebrows shifted with an unidentifiable expression in response.

“Pardon?”

“I’ve been ordered not to interfere with personnel or cases that aren’t my own. I won’t be carrying my pistol during office hours anymore.” Connor looked surprised, then confused, then grateful, pausing in place before stiffly reaching forward to take his hand with a firm grip and two shakes.

“I appreciate that,” Connor responded gingerly. The part of him that told himself androids can’t appreciate was immediately silenced; clearly, they could do much more than he’d ever given them credit for.

“Have a good rest of the day, Reed.”

“You too.”

“Welcome home, detective.”

The creeping tingle crawled up his spine as he saw the android waiting as soon as he’d opened the door again, rubbing his eyes and blinking a few times to make sure it was real.

Of course it was.

“We are going to open another chapter tonight, but I acknowledge that it is the hour of which you usually have coffee, so I will allow you that freedom first.” Gavin stared, jaw dropped with his mouth agape, but as was coming to be routine, he remained verbally unresponsive. RK900 seemed content he was learning to shut up, eyes following his every move as he sleepily shuffled to the kitchen, already feeling the kick in his ass from cutting down the caffeine. Against his will, of course.

Wasting no time, he poured the grounds into the basket and the water into the basin, slamming it shut with more strength than he’d intended to use as he turned on the coffeemaker. Listening to it gurgle, he could feel the android hovering nearby, disgusted at the fact he was made to feel uncomfortable in his own home. Once the coffee was finished, he poured it into a cup, pouring in a gracious amount of sugar and milk before turning to go sit on his couch, only to be stopped in place as he was startled to see the android standing right in front of him. Silently, he nodded towards the couch in gesture for the android to move.

“Gavin.” He lifted his brows, staring at it under heavy eyelids as he wasn’t sure what it was looking for.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten already.”

“Forgotten what?” He couldn’t help the snark in his voice, but a quick pinch in his side reminded him; this time, it was entirely imagined, muscle memory from their interactions before.

“Ignoring the oxymoron in that phrase, I don’t think I have to tell you twice.” Gavin bit his lip, eyes shifting to the side as he internally contemplated exactly how badly he wanted to go sit on his couch after all. After a few seconds of standing, he decided to omit the request, vision veering back to the android as he took a sip of his coffee.

“What did you wanna talk about, Nines?” Using its nickname as a friendly moniker was a bit strange now that he was in an entirely different situation, deciding he might simply stop using it entirely.

“Do you know why you call me sir?” Gavin dreaded the question he couldn’t even guess a response to.

“You see androids as beings incapable of sentience or emotion. Humanity, as seems to be the buzzword these days. In all technicality, I am but a sexless device constructed of hardware and programming that emulates similar sensations to what you experience. Can it be as exact as biological processing? No. Does that mean humans have an easy time keeping up with the difference as their nature ironically causes them to empathize to inanimate objects to the degree they think of it the same? Definitely not.” It didn’t expect Gavin to follow what it said word-for-word, but the point was put across well enough.

“I don’t care for linguistic pronouns. He, she, it, they… that does not matter. But as I was built to take on a culturally masculine appearance, I will step into the position as I am seen to be, and you will do the same in respecting me as that.” It cast a leering glare down at Gavin, an easy behavior as their heights were a decent foot apart.

“Do you know what that means, Gavin?” Gavin looked exhausted.

“That means no more household appliance nicknames or other various inanimate object references. You will see me as a person, and a greater person than you.”

Gavin felt himself stiffen in place, a reaction that was now occurring more often than he was comfortable with. The desire to call the android out bubbled to his tongue, but never left his mouth.

“Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.” This had become relatively easier than it originally anticipated. A few days made a world of difference, it seemed, and continued to pave the path for improvement. Soon enough, Gavin could be an attentive, fully-functioning, well-mannered human – and throw the rest of the world for a loop, as he’d already proven to commence.

“Can I get into my pajamas?” Weird question, and he tried not to show the embarrassment he felt from asking, nearly forgetting how fresh it was.

“No.” Gavin blinked, looking baffled, scoffing and holding back a sarcastic laugh. The RK900 smiled, and he sneered.

“The f—” clearing his throat, he readjusted his posture, almost subconsciously with the reminder to keep his language more precise.

“…Why not?”

“I would prefer you to sleep in boxers. I suppose sweatpants if you’re cold.” The familiar humiliation tinged his cheeks as he swallowed down half the cup of his coffee. Shirtless tied to a chair, sleeping in less than he’d worn in his usual routine…what next, it’ll follow him into the shower? Considering the possibility was more than enough to deter him.

“Why?”

“What did I tell you about asking questions?” Pursing his lips, he finished his coffee, closing his eyes again.

“Fine. Let me shower and get undressed.” He hadn’t thought twice, but his subconscious lead him to wince, before he found himself surprised not to get some kind of pain response. He certainly hadn’t done right by the android, so what gives?

“Alright,” it said complacently, confusing him further; but as he was asked, he didn’t inquire about it. The android stepped aside, and after finishing the cup, Gavin tentatively stepped forward to walk past it.

#onwards #dbh: hank anderson #dbh: jeffrey fowler #dbh: gavin reed #dbh: rk900

5 notes · View notes