#like i feel like My shakespeare references are balanced by the other references i make. but i guess u cant have that here bc it’s a

[mclalan]

Can you share what your art-making process is? What software and tools do you use?? I'm falling in love with your work!!

Thank you, I'm so happy you like my work and are interested in the process. The short answer is I mostly use Adobe Animate.

I hate how I'm using an Adobe product (although I still regard it as a MacroMedia Flash product), but there's just no other software that compares to its jankiness. Perhaps it's just my long familiarity with the program, but nothing I've experienced matches how it simultaneously feels like drawing in MS Paint and using Microsoft PowerPoint vector shapes. The result is something that feels in-between the two; handmade yet computer-generated.

Typically, I'll start with a hand-drawn sketch, often beginning as a thumbnail done with pencil and paper.

I'll then do a mix of hand drawing and vector shape tool rendering. I use the Paint Brush tool to hand draw strokes, and the line and shape tools mixed with transform to make more geometrically accurate shapes. The design is rendered into divided closed loop shapes, ready to be filled with a solid. The strokes are kept or removed depending on the design.

These fill shapes are then either coloured and rendered in Adobe Animate, using fills, gradients, or a more complex process of masks and effects.

Alternatively, I'll bring all these vector shapes into Photoshop and use them as clipping masks. The vector shapes act like masking taped areas or shields to maintain sharp edges, while the brush is like an atomized airbrush used to build soft volumed forms.

Please excuse all that horrible Adobe Cloud and AI bloatware...

And there we go!

Variations in the process include just using MS Paint, index color in Photoshop, or 3D programs.

Very old works of mine were almost abstract, just exploring digital mark-making, which was a trend I was following in the mid 2010s that I loved. This kind of stuff.

While my current work uses its digital material specificity as an intermediary to the subject in the illustration.

For example, #ersatz.world parodies clip-art and flash edutainment styles but imagines the characters living within that kind of world. The designs are meant to be cute, easy to read, light in computer processing, but also irreverent, janky, and generic too.

People typically regard this sort of clip art style as ephemeral trash, but I always found them charming. I use Ersatz World primarily as a satire vehicle, parodying educational formats to spoof corporate explainer content and digital media.

However, part of the problem with Ersatz is I've made it look too polished, complex, and I've grown too attached to the characters, which I imagine is a typical issue with overbuilding a world. So recently, I've made an even jankier Ersatz-like set of characters to play about with, using an even simpler style with less cohesion. I like to try and use slightly different styles and digital material styles to relate to the property at hand.

That’s why #autonymus has a bitmap digital material and a denser feel to it. Unlike Ersatz, Autonymus is not meant to be an overt semi-meta fiction. It’s not exactly pixel art, but the pixels are just about visible, as the intention is to create a digital expressionist depth to the setting. Although it’s still stylized and not realistic to our world, I definitely still want to evoke semblances of our world. That’s why there’s attention to landscape, plant life, and implied life beyond what you see in the frame with the characters, etc. But I'm still making a cartoon, and I still want it to feel at ease with itself being a digital material work. Characters are therefore flat, simple, stiff, and the speech style is like a bad Shakespeare parody. I like to balance between ugly and appealing, simple and complex, familiar and unfamiliar.

In regard to things like inspiration, references, and my relationship to aesthetic genres; these things certainly factor into my work, perhaps I'm even overtly dependent on them. My work can definitely be post-modernist in method; creating new, ironic, or fragmented interpretations through deconstructing a mix of various styles or methods. But at the same time, I'm still trying to make a digital gestural representation where the aesthetic is driven by my relationship to the software and techniques directly—not simply in an attempt to reference a style. For example, I like drawing lines in sweeping strokes, not to a point of geometric perfection, but just in a way where the curves are smooth and simple. But if I want perfectly curved or straight lines, I'll use the vector tools.

Working this way, you can sort of learn why certain styles and design choices in past vector aesthetics were made, as they would have also needed to make similar choices. That’s why I’m more mindful of using digital material specificity as a foundation to build narrative and subjects upon these days.

For example, genre references like cyberpunk clichés for #cyberhell or late medieval design for #autonymus or 2005 to 2015 era subculture fashion for #gradientgoblinz.

I think it’s important to take inspiration and reference from a wide variety of sources, but I think they’d mean nothing without having something to say or express. Autonymus, although it is a collection of tropes and clichés, isn’t just about that. It’s a story about the tensions of socially constructed systems and how that shapes faith, technology, and the natural world, or at least that's what I'm aiming for anyway.

But despite all that, I think there’s a danger of locking myself into the past by using these methods. For example, using nostalgia and references to past aesthetics can result in just recreating the past in a form of role-play. To avoid that, I try and evoke the past through a messy, inaccurate pastiche rather than caring to accurately re-enact anything. I’m probably not always successful at communicating the deliberateness of this, and it can certainly get very frustrating and pedantic. To be honest, I do kind of hate aesthetic labels (terms like Y2K, global coffee house, utopian scholastic designs from a pre-9/11 world).

I do not believe that a project aimed solely at mapping history through aesthetic styles is worthwhile. Sure, they can be handy for organizing style trends, but they can also be reductive and ahistoric. Who are these people to define the history of these design eras? The result is a kind of suffocating simulation of design history but removed from context, perfect for moodboardism. I wish it felt more tongue-in-cheek, less absolute of itself in its own practice. Instead, it acts to legitimize and engender those making these labels, almost giving them ownership of the design styles. It’s similar to the logic and process of generative AI and its databases in a way, just done manually.

I’m very inspired by artists like Oneohtrix Point Never in this regard, as I think he’s able to create an aesthetic portal to all kinds of memories, feelings, and worlds reminiscent of the past, while still being in the present. It’s more a reflection of how timelines are messy now, like a memory or dream, rather than an audacity to say the past was actually like that, or to try to actually map some kind of timeline.

I think the benefit of this process is how it avoids the other side of the spectrum—being locked into chasing the cutting edge of digital processes. I don't necessarily think using an old digital process means your work inherits the semiotics of old aesthetics. Non-digital mediums don’t have this issue to this degree, as you can still paint in oils and be considered contemporary, or at least it's not frowned upon to such a degree. And I also don't think anyone in the heyday of Flash ever made work the same as I do, especially as computers are more powerful now so can handle more. I probably shouldn't boast too much about that though, as artists at the time probably just had more sense than to use Flash like a painting program! So then, why is my use of Adobe Animate critiqued as obsolete and an aesthetic dead-end? Because to whose standards is this process obsolete? If you value digital aesthetics as an apparatus in industry practice, then sure, my work is redundant.

But as wonderful as the latest tech can be in creating new aesthetics, I do feel it can be overtly dependent on the trends and directions of tech corporations, and therefore act as an indirect propaganda tool to their hegemony over digital aesthetics, such as the ever-demanding processing power needed for simulated realism. If anything, work that does follow in the direction of the latest tech trends is ironically the quickest to date once the trends move on.

I've noticed I've not really described what my work is about, just the process, in this text. But I don't know, maybe I like Flash because it is regarded as redundant. No one really cares about it, so I feel free to make whatever I want, and can decide on form myself, to my own standards, the quality of my work. As fun as making images is, I find it difficult to put into words what it is exactly I'm expressing in my work, and perhaps that would spoil it anyway.

[mommyashtoreth]

crowley's s1 design vs crowley's s2 design go

GREAT question I am so pumped for this bc if you know me you know I like character design and ESPECIALLY goth character design. His design changes a bit within both seasons but I'll say that the 2011-era design (yknow, with the half-bun and the silver chain and the tortoiseshell rims) is like, top tier Crowley design to me. It's also less corp goth than like, s2 Crowley and thus more easily replicable by Me Specifically and as. ahem. The Crowlet Of The Group that does a lot for me. But that doesn't mean I DON'T like the sleeker corp-gothy s2 look, I love the blazer and the shoes and how the scarf works with it all and I truly cannot complain about a season of television that delivers a 50something goth cuntress in a turtleneck and a black leather vest. One thing I'm not Crazy about in the s2 design is the hair, I like the color and think the lighter streaks especially are very fun but I don't Love the way it's styled. Like it's fine I don't hate it but it's just not as good as the half-bun very little ever will be. And in general I prefer the more "natural"-looking s1 color, I default to describing Crowley as "ginger" in most cases and even when I refer to his "red hair" (like when I say his stomach hair is red or his bush is red in any of my terrible terrible writing) I'm imagining a more orangey natural red. That's just personal preference tho! Either way I think he's got a great design, I've lauded it before, I really love how different textures and fabrics and finishes are used to not make the monotone black feel "boring" or samey or anything. Being goth is hard work! You don't want the blacks to blend into each other too much but you DEFINITELY don't want the blacks to clash too much either. It's a delicate balance and I think the show strikes it really well

Bonus lightning round of me ranking every historical Crowley costume I can think of off the top of my head, worst to best:

French Revolution bc it blows, the medieval Black Knight one bc it's kind of boring, Shakespeare bc who cares, Bilbo the Shite or whatever his name is I'm sorry but I'm not into it. the minisode is great but it's nowhere near one of his best looks, 1800s St James Park bc who cares, 1940s it doesn't do that much for me I'm sorry once again (I think it's the slickness of the hair again. I don't dig it), angelmode which certainly isn't hot per se but I still need to see bouncing and moaning on it, 1960s, 1970s, the Crucifixion bc I NEED a milf with a receding hairline or I'll die don't let me die, 1890s Edinburgh because Jesus God the cunt (it's the shape of the shoulders), and NANNY ASHTORETH!!! You thought I wouldn't count her would you. Well you thought wrong that's what we do around here baby

[thoughtfulfangirling]

Movie Night

Property: Gargoyles Characters: Elisa and Broadway Words: 1,586 Fics are for fun, so no I do not edit these or rework them. At least right now. My focus is just trying to write again despite very little motivation. While I sat last night trying to think of anything to write however, I remembered a piece of fanart by @youkaiyume that one can see at the top of this post by them. (youkaiyume sorry to notif you but credit where credit is do. Feel free to disregard XD) where Elisa and Broadway are having a cozy night in. At least as I interpreted it. So I decided I wanted to write the scene!

“Can we watch something with a happy ending?” Broadway asked as he carefully lifted the couch to move it back against the wall, making sure not to jostle Cagney. The perfect fuzzy circle of black fur moved only to reveal a reflecting orb to judge the gargoyle's efforts. As the couch touched down, perfectly balanced, a nearly inaudible ‘meep’ marked Cagney’s begrudging approval before the reflected light was consumed by the void of black fur.

“So same as every other night?” Elisa’s amused voice called from the kitchen. Broadway heard the click of the microwave door closing and heard it whir to life.

“Did you make sure to get the buttered kind?” Broadway asked. Elisa had grabbed the wrong kind for the last movie night. He hadn’t even known popcorn came in a version without butter! She’d had to pull a stick out of the fridge and heat some up in the microwave to add before setting in for the show. Which ended up making him cry.

The time before last, they had watched a classic called Peter Pan, which he came to understand was a popular story told to children about a boy who never grows up. Except then last week they watched a version of the story where he did grow up and left childhood behind as completely as he could. It made him cry. It was about growing up being able to take on responsibilities but also allowing yourself to have childlike wonder, and yet one of the best characters died! Before he really got to grow up! They'd had to pause the movie for him.

“I checked it three times to be sure!” Elisa replied, assuring him there would be butter ready to go out of the microwave. Broadway began to fold a comforter in half and lay it in the space the couch had been. The furniture was sturdy enough for him to sit on, but it wasn’t the most comfortable for more than a couple of minutes. He’d taken to sitting on the floor, and Elisa had purchased a new, particularly fluffy comforter expressly for the purpose of ‘making a little nest,’ as she put it, for their bi-weekly movie nights.

Broadway had found himself a fan of these human entertainments, but the more he watched, the more it seemed he didn’t understand. So much of the stories seemed to reference each other. Elisa had begun finding him copies of the classics–the stories that shaped and informed many of the others. He enjoyed a lot of Shakespeare and had been curious when he learned so much media referenced him, but Elisa insisted he would need to see Romeo and Juliet where he learned how twisted the playwright could be. He didn’t like that one very much, but he did have to admit that it helped a lot of things make sense. It made him wary at first if this play was referenced in other things, but Elisa assured him that very few modern adaptations failed to give the heroes a happy ending.

“You want another Disney movie?” Elisa asked after the microwave stopped. The smell of popcorn intensified. Broadway finished putting pillows down for Elisa and cozying into his spot. He knew it would be a moment yet. One bag of popcorn was never enough for a movie night.

“Not if it’s like Lion King!” Broadway said as he turned the TV and muted the news. He switched inputs before turning the audio back on. He hated the news.

Elisa laughed. “You did end up liking that.” She reminded him.

“I mean sure. But it made me cry, and I don’t feel like crying tonight.” He set the remote down and tapped at his knee. For some reason, ti was different when people died in their detective movies, which were his favorite when they were just doing something for fun. It didn't seem quite as real somehow. But a lot of these other things they were trying somehow really clenched at his heart.

Another laugh. “No crying. Okay, I’ll see what I can do. That’s a high bar for you though B.” Elisa said before the microwave started up again, drowning out anything else she would potentially say.

Broadway considered her statement for a moment. Brooklyn and Lexington were out that night again working on the motorcycle which Elisa was sure was junk. She hadn’t tried to persuade his rookery mates not to make the attempt at fixing it, but she didn’t seem to think it could be done. Broadway was of the mind that if she thought that, she was probably right, But Elisa had admitted to him when it was just the two of them that Lexington was quite the genius with anything even loosely mechanical. Which… was true. But this was a strange world. Broadway didn’t get their fascination with those cars and bikes. Those were constrained to the ground, and they could soar through the sky. Given how many people packed into those things, in those narrow streets, despite that they could move fast, it was slow to use any of those things.

But the two seemed to bond over it, to get each other excited with their own excitement. It allowed them to reach speeds and feats otherwise closed off to them. Make them stronger and faster or something. Broadway never really understood this desire for such things, which always just reminded him that in this, he was the odd one out and not them. Gargoyles prided themselves on their prowess at protecting, which speed and strength helped with, and Broadway was content just to spend a quiet evening in with a friend, watching a good movie.

“Have we already done Beauty and the Beast?” Elisa asked after the second bag of popcorn came out of the microwave. Broadway grinned. This was usually when she brought it out for him before making one more for herself… which he still ate half of.

“It sounds familiar.” He replied, scrolling in his mind through the movies they'd sat through. Elisa had at one point tried to keep a list, but nothing really ever came of that. He usually remembered what they watched though. He knew he’d heard of Beauty and the Beast, but he was actually pretty sure he hadn't seen it. Still, with Romeo and Juliet fresh in his mind, he didn’t know if he wanted to watch something with a similar naming scheme.

“It’s one of those animated movies with cute sidekicks and musical numbers.” She told him as she passed him the large bowel of popcorn before retreating back to the kitchen to make the final bag. As Broadway made to bring the bowl to his chest, he stopped as he felt a tiny pressure on his hip. Cagney had gotten off the couch and was now looking to get into Broadway’s lap. He set the bowl down on the coffee table and grabbed the throw blanket off the couch and folded it into his lap before ever so gently lifting the cat on top of it. He smiled down at the silly, tiny little creature. He thought for a moment that it must be nice, to be small and cuddly and doted on as Elisa did Cagney.

“You’re sure I won’t cry?” He asked, running the back of his fingers along the creature’s spine as she kneaded at the blanket, prepping it to be the most comfortable little bed she could make it.

As the microwave ran, Elisa came back out and went to her little tower of movies which had been growing since she and Broadway had become friends. She pulled one off the shelf. This one didn’t look like something she’d grabbed recently for the precise purpose of having it available for their movie nights. Broadway was convinced. A cry movie or not, this was something Elisa loved, and he was curious to see it. They watched things she thought he would like or would help him understand other movies. Tonight, they would watch something that she liked. He gave her a nod.

Elisa walked over to the TV and popped the VHS into the VCR and hit play. She’d let the commercials play while her popcorn finished, and he would let her know if he saw anything in them that he wanted to see.

Cagney settled into his lap, allowing him to pick his popcorn back up and dig in as he let his thoughts go and let the wash of bright colors pull him in. A moment later and Elisa was putting her popcorn and beer (yuck) down on the coffee table and curled up in the nest of pillows he’d put together for her. She gave Cagney a pet, then started in on her bowl.

As the commercials came to a close and the movie begun, Broadway thought once more about Brooklyn and Lexington. They just didn’t have the interest in these movies. They didn’t know what they were missing. Maybe one of these days he could talk them into joining. Or they could have a night in the tower if they could get Hudson to let them use the TV at home. Because this was nice. He was glad Brooklyn and Lexington had something fun to spend their nights on. He and Elisa would enjoy this.

Elisa dropped her head against his arm as the first song started up. “This movie got me through so many stressful college evenings. Sometimes you really do just need something comforting.”

“Yeah.” Broadway replied. “I agree.”

[cobalt-knave]

I posted 3,018 times in 2022

That's 1,024 more posts than 2021!

443 posts created (15%)

2,575 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@archivistbot

@generic-internet-name

@ulysses-but-somehow-more-transer

@nureyev-steel-institute

@questbedhead

I tagged 2,543 of my posts in 2022

Only 16% of my posts had no tags

#tma - 413 posts

#ceaseless watcher turn your gaze on this incredible artwork - 393 posts

#the mechanisms - 371 posts

#archivistbot - 145 posts

#abot - 143 posts

#abot ocs - 109 posts

#fic rec - 76 posts

#hello from the hallowoods - 75 posts

#the magnus archives - 73 posts

#taz balance - 72 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i'm a fan of mutche. what other word captures the action of poking your sleeping sibling in the face and also touching paint before it's dry

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Genre and the Transparency of the Fourth Wall

I’ve been thinking about fourth wall breaks in theater and about acknowledgement of medium in podcasts, and I thought I’d type out some of these thoughts.

The fourth wall. That invisible line where the camera becomes screen and the world of the show meets the world of the audience. Everybody loves a good fourth wall break, a reach, an acknowledgment of the other world. Eye contact with the camera, a comment about audience, it’s all very fun. 

Theater, live theater at least, has a very thin fourth wall. The actors onstage can hear the audience’s clapping or laughter, gasps or heckling. They can make eye contact with individual audience members or walk amongst them. They can, in the case of Starkid’s Black Friday, take a bite of an apple and hand it off to someone in an aisle seat. You see a lot of acknowledgement of the fourth wall baked into scripts. Shakespeare’s a great example of this with a very obvious one being “all the world’s a stage”, making a double fourth wall break by bringing up theater and referencing the name of the theater itself (the Globe). Another example is in Moliere’s Tartuffe with the line “Must I play your part and say the lines you ought to say?”. Lines like that are sprinkled everywhere in plays. Both Arnold Ridley’s The Ghost Train and Starkid’s The Trail To Oregon have a character yell and point at the audience, referring to it as being surrounded by watching eyes. 

And then there’s podcasts. It’s not in-person, there is no physical audience to acknowledge like there is in theater, but there is something very personal about it. One thing I have noticed if how often there has to be a reason for why a podcast is a podcast. An acknowledgement of format. The Magnus Archives is a collection of tapes. The only content we get is what is on the tapes. Wolf 359 starts out as Eiffel's audio log before transitioning into third person like a tv show. Max And Ivan: Fugitives is the two of them recounting what happened and we get to flash forward and see it acted/sound designed like a tv show. King Falls AM and Welcome To Night Vale are radio programs. Unknown 9: Out Of Sight is a podcast in-universe. Something about the audio-only format begs explanation. So why is that?

Well, part of it is that without visual cues, a lot has to be established through explanation and narration, and it feels less awkward to do that if you explain why you’re doing it. Giving an intro to the world and situation direct to audience without it being out of character or heavy handed is also much easier with an in-universe reason. This is why you have shows like Wolf 359 and Woe.Begone start out having in-universe audio format before transitioning to also include a third person seeing-the-action-in-action view. 

But there still is that level of intimacy, especially in in-universe audio podcasts. Why are we listening to Jon’s tapes in The Magnus Archives? “Oh Martin,” Annabelle Cane says, “You have no idea who’s listening, do you?” and the audience sucks in a breath because we are listening. Why can we hear Enoch’s broadcast in Be Not Afraid? Well, if we’re hearing it, that means we are Enoch’s chosen prophets. 

I have no formal conclusion, no grand web revealed. I simply love a good fourth wall break.

433 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

#4

[ID: The first image is a screenshot of TheVoidSings’ lyric video for “The Mechanisms - Death To The Mechanisms - 19 - Terminus (Lyrics)”. Over a purple space background, it says, “[Jonny D’Ville] “AH HAHAHAHA! YES!”.

The second image is the sickos meme with text saying “Everyone dying horribly”. It shows a man grinning through a window saying “YES ... HA HA HA ... YES!” Instead of being labeled “sickos”, the man is labeled “JONNY D’VILLE”.]

506 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

#3

Any pairing can be read as platonic if you’re not a coward.

568 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

#2

sir fitzroy maplecourt, knight in absentia of the realm of goodcastle, would have loved the crab infestation of tumblr’s april fool’s day thing

665 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Why You Should Watch Headless

Headless is a free webseries from Shipwrecked set in Sleepy Hollow and following the new middle school science teacher Ichabod Crane. Ichabod’s rent gets raised, and he finds an unlikely roommate in none other than the headless horseman, on the condition he help the horseman find their head. What follows is a great comedy as Ichabod, Headless, local witch Matilda (who runs the not-a-drugstore), the mayor’s daughter Kat, absolute joy and middle school PE teacher Brom Bones, and the Babes (Brom’s three (3) weed smoking boyfriends who can and will do anything. Not well. But they will do anything.).

Every time they find and try out a new head, the owner of the head takes the episode -- a pirate, a local weed guy and history nerd, a youtuber, an infamous James Bond-esque thief, etc.

Now, some Headless things in no particular order:

- All the characters are great. Even character who seem like they should be side characters, like the Babes, get their time in the limelight and are absolute delights.

- THE BABES. Not only are they multi-talented icons, they also start their own show following up on the different heads called “Unsolved Babesteries”.

- Brom Bones. Brom could have been a nothing character, a dick and a rival for Kat’s affections. BUT NOT THIS TIME. Brom is a delight, and I adore him.

- There is a heist episode.

- Verla is a horror that may or may not have crawled out of a TV. She is also functionally Matilda’s adopted teenage daughter.

- M.K. Wiles wears a fake mustache one time.

- There are a lot of interconnected webs which unfold so nicely.

I highly recommend it!

675 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[coffeeallaloneandlord]

That poll about fiction vs nonfiction was funny to me bc just last night I made a formal reading calendar for myself which I am going to share with you all here. I'm using August to try and finish up some loose ends with what I'm reading and then sticking to my curriculum. For reference I am typically reading up to 6 different books at once I need a ton of variety which is why I came up with this schedule lol.

Fall

Fiction

September: Back to school. American Lit something short less than 200 pages. I'm thinking of reading Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck for this (107 pages)

October: Something I will admit to getting influenced to do is I started collecting Pulitzer Prize for Literature winners. I saw someone on tt who had theirs organized together and I was like I bet I have enough to put together a shelf. I had 7 at the time, a few months ago, now I've doubled that to about 14 (all thrifted!). But I've only read 1 lmao. Since the Pulitzer is awarded in October I'm gonna make that my month to read one.

Nonfiction: Historical Bio. For this category this fall I want to read a biography I have of Mary Wollstonecraft.

Winter

Fiction: Classic Literature. This can mean whatever I want but basically something pre 1945.

Non Fiction

Nov/Dec: Poverty Awareness in America. Got this idea from Google technically for January but I thought Nov/Dec makes a lot more sense for obvious reasons.

Jan/Feb: Black History

Spring, March - May

Fiction: Contemporary Literature

Nonfiction: Women's History, Gender and Women's Studies, Feminism, etc. This is really a year round category for me but I'll focus more on it in the spring.

Summer

Fiction: Shakespeare :) Really the idea to read on a yearly basis started with Shakespeare in Summer idea. The seasonal aspect really motivated me to follow thru with finishing. I can see myself expanding this category to include Shakespeare and also Greek/Roman Classics.

Nonfiction: June is Pride obviously, and then I couldn't really come up with a final category for July/August. Like I said at the top, I'm using the next 2 weeks before September to try and finish up some books, so I just wrote "Summer Reading :)" here lol. For nonfiction maybe I could do a sports book for the summer, I just read Moneyball which was one of my favorite reads ever so I'm still riding that high lol.

And this only represents 2 of my given reading slots, a fiction and a nonfiction. And the reason I did this was to balance my fiction and nonfiction lol! My other slots aren't seasonal but generally look something like this

Slot 3: Memoir/Personal Writing

Close friends of mine know that the single most influential important book of my entire life, the book that made me promise myself to never stop reading books, is the Autobiography of Malcolm X. I really really really believe in the power of autobiography and memoir, they are consistently my favorite books ever and I think we have so much valuable insight to gain from living inside the experiences of others. I am always reading something in this genre.

Slot 4: Elena Ferrante I know some of the tumblr girls respect this one. I am on the second of four in her Neapolitan Novels. I also have another novel of hers that I found at the thrift I couldn't believe my eyes. I predict it will take me another year to finish this out.

Slot 5: Something Fun and Light, either like sci-fi/fantasy or kid lit/YA or both. However Fun and Light are really misnomers bc I feel like I wade thru a lot of like shitty pulpy stuff trying to find something palatable. My friends on Goodreads know what a hater I can be lol. Or the flip side is I just read Charlotte's Web for the first time in forever and it almost made me cry like constantly lmao.

Slot 6 Miscellaneous but usually something will just call to me and make me drop everything else I'm reading so I gotta leave room for that.

And that's how you can figure out which 6 books I'm juggling in any given month!

[barcodeboyz]

My Top 10 Best ERB Verses

HM. Cleopatra (verse 2)

It feels like a crime to not include this verse because it drops one of the most brutal lines in all of ERB history. "You lost so many babies we should call you Miss Carriage" is a line that damaged Marilyn so bad she got 3 verses instead of 2. I've never seen a battle do that before. While it does not make the full list, it deserves recognition for being as brutal as it is.

HM. Joan Rivers (verse 1)

Although I agree with my placement of this verse, this is easily one of my favorite verses in the whole series. Joan is RUTHLESS, especially her disses against Bill Cosby. "My sex jokes offend, you're on the sex offender registry//Who you wearing right now? Is that state penitentiary?" is one of my favorite bar sequences in the series as well. I was first introduced to Joan Rivers after I watched her Gwar interview, and this performance of Joan is just spot on and great. I certainly think it won the battle; I just think it was stronger than Robin Williams' verse. With that being said, let's get on to the countdown!

10. The Cat in the Hat (verse 1)

What a way to start a list. I don't know about any of you, but I remember being a kid and seeing this episode for the first time and being absolutely blown away by the surprise rapping from the Cat in the Hat. Although it's arguable that Shakespeare won the battle, Cat in the Hat came through with serious punches that would have been complimented by better rap partners.

9. Walter White (verse 1)

This is the first of many entries on this list to feature a verse that could be interchanged with another verse from the same rapper. Walt had a fire line with the Shane comment, but his first verse is what cemented his intentions in the battle, which was to completely rip into Grimes' character. The Walkers line is also extremely creative to me, which puts it here.

8. Albert Einstein (verse 1)

As much as I want to place this higher, it fits in at number 7 because it starts out ruthless, then mellows out a little bit when momentum could have continued. "Take a seat Steve, oop, I see you brought your own," is a completely savage bar. The Wall-E line is also good, but I feel like they could have used Zach's energy here and shot up to 10. But it still makes this list because it is absolute savagery.

7. Babe Ruth (verse 2)

This verse encompasses what a rap battle verse should do; tear down the opponent with the truth, raise yourself and your accomplishments up, and provide absolutely ruthless (pun intended) lines in the process. Ruth does all these things, shaming Armstrong for his use of steroids, building himself up with his accomplishments in baseball, and getting one dirty punch in with the final line.

6. Mansa Musa (verse 2)

I am going to come out and say it, I was so hyped to find out Scru Face Jean was in an ERB. He is an incredibly talented rapper, and his commentary on other ERB videos is hilarious. He brought in that mix of humor and talent and dropped one of the hardest verses on this list.

5. J. Robert Oppenheimer (verse 1)

We are now at the point in the list where every verse has given me chills in one way or another. Peter absolutely nailed the Oppenheimer impression, with the very breathy rapping and educated way of attacking his opponent. From start to finish, the reason this verse placed here instead of his second verse was because of how well his introduction is made. "There is no balance" is a bone chilling portrayal of Oppenheimer from Peter, and the paired music add to the atmosphere.

4. Stan Lee (verse 1)/Walt Disney (verse 1)

I know, I know. Tying two verses from the same battle is a cop out. But I legitimately could not pick between the two. The musical accompaniment of an ERB is extremely important, and it is really shown here. The narrator hyping up the two combatants sets the tone for how the battle should be, and Stan Lee followed that tone perfectly with references galore, while also finding ways to punch at Henson. And Disney comes in here as well because it is extremely real to see; a lot of companies have been bought out by Disney, so seeing him come out as this all powerful being is fitting. This is one of the best battles they have ever made, and these verses both deserve their placement here.

3. Terminator (verse 1)

I was really stuck between this and my pick for 2nd, but ultimately chose this order because I found the next entry to have just a little more power to it. But that being said, this is one powerful verse. From the very beginning, Terminator is going to absolute war, which only gets more vicious as the verse continues. The final 4 lines of the verse ending with a reference to the movies is what sealed this placement for me, but the quick rapping, mocking Robocop's circumstances, and use of cgi really add to it.

2. Boba Fett (verse 4)

This battle was CRAZY. 8 verses in total, 4 for each combatant, with some lines that are straight up venomous from both sides. I ultimately chose this verse because of the quick rapping. I just think it works perfectly here; we've seen many examples of quick rapping throughout the ERB franchise, and I just think this is one of those examples that just shine through.

Hannibal Lecter (verse 2)

If you know me, you knew this was coming. I love Silence of the Lambs, and it was because this video introduced me to the character of Hannibal. Lloyd absolutely nails his mannerisms and speech patterns. As I said before this is one of those verses where I could have interchanged it with his first verse, but ultimately, I chose this one because it ended the battle and rebutted Jack's final verse, which was a little underwhelming in my opinion. And the lyrics here are just even better than his first verse in my opinion. "You prey on a prostitute and play with her body, I don't mind that you're naughty Jack, I hate that you're sloppy" is a bone chilling line, tearing into his combatant who spent his first verse building himself up without throwing any comments towards Hannibal. And that is just one of many lines in this verse that ultimately tear down Jack's verses.

Anyways, that's my list on the best ERB verses in my personal opinion. These are not necessarily my favorite verses, but rather the ones I felt held their own in battle and fought hard from beginning to end. I intend on putting together a list of the worst ERB verses, but I'm unsure when I plan on doing that. What do you guys think? Is there a verse you guys think should have placed?

[lungthief]

i’m so sorry to those of you who enjoy this book but i am Struggling my way thru if we were villains

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

star trek beyond thoughts!!! this was probably my favorite of the aos movies it was really good 🥺🥺

- “i ripped my shirt again.” ahsktdjahtjfjsh this is the best possible reference to the madness that is tos jim kirk and his absurd amount of destroyed shirts

- poor pavel being broke up with :/ i would never do that to you baby

- oH mckirk rights this scene with them drinking together is making me emotional!!

- obsessed with a) pavel having insanely fancy alcohol when he’s barely even drinking age and b) bones stealing said alcohol from him

- ben sulu!!! and demora sulu!!!!! gay hikaru rights!!!!!!!

- nooooo spock prime :,(

- holy shit the whole sequence of the ship being attacked/destroyed was so fucking sad and intense,, i was not expecting this so early in the movie

- pav looks so scared and sad throughout the aforementioned scene i just want to hug him 🥺🥺

- when pavel was talking about the rest of the crew and said “captain… what if they-” and jim interrupted and just went “no. no.” …. i am. Heartbroken. actually.

- jim and pavel look SO fucking good in those blue suits it’s insane

- scotty is actually an icon and my hero i love him so much,, what a dork,,,

- jaylah,,,,, hot,,

- god i adore the pairing up of pavel and jim so much,, they are the loves of my life and i care about them both and their dynamic so so much

- krall’s so creepy wtf,, why’s he stealing the juice from these humans,,,

- fucking!! spones rights!!! with spock’s injury and their banter and their talk in the cave and the nice little references to jim/mcspirk,, i love this so much

- sulu realizing that krall is going to destroy the place where his husband and daughter are,, 😭

- obsessed with scotty introducing pavel and jim as “that wee man” and “that handsome bastard” (and obsessed with pavel’s little “ʰᵉˡˡᵒ” after he’s introduced)

- scotty and pavel hugging is so cute and so important to me 🥺🥺

- oh wow big spones rights?!!! holy shit this highkey just feels like a confession????

- oh the spirk/mcspirk in the next scene with them taking care of spock,, holy shit this is tender :,)

- spock quoting shakespeare……. kinda fruity of him 👀

- i’ve gotta hand it to jim, hiding the weapon thingy in the alien girl’s head was very clever

- “you gave your girlfriend a tracking device. 😐”

- noo syl i liked her 😩😩 plus she seemed to be close with uhura and sulu and those two do not need more trauma in their lives

- keenser and scotty being about to passionately embrace upon seeing each other again but abruptly changing to an awkward formal handshake… something something simon peg’s quote about them being gay for each other something something

- sulu is such a good (and confident) pilot and i love that for him!!

- while i’m a big fan of tos helm husbands, i do love the platonic moments between pavel and sulu in aos,, helm besties 😌

- not the shot of ben and demora running scared through yorktown 😭😩

- jim, realizing spock is implying bones join him in the evil drone ship: “he’s gonna love this.” cut to bones: “you want me to do what??!!!”

- star trek beyond?? more like star trek: spones banter.

- obsessed with them calling recent music “classical music” because like,, yEaH i gUeSs!!

- the ‘sabotage’ scene is so fucking epic,, love that they’re all jamming out while battling for their lives

- oh my GOD,, the plot twist with krill being the long assumed-dead captain was awesome,,, genuinely did not see that coming,,

- jim’s boyfriends saved him 🥺🥺

- THE PHOTO OF THE TOS CREW. I AM EMOTIONALLY COMPRIMSED.

- why is bones’ outfit in the last scene so hot—

- ah yes they’ve got to balance all the spones banter with some mckirk banter 😌

- all of their outfits at the surprise party omg!! i love seeing star trek characters in civilian clothing :,)

- ahrkgjshaktjg glad aos pavel got his own “invented in russia” moment

- formal wear spock. that is all.

- why the fuck did the keep one of the aliens from the beginning, name him kevin, and comment on him not wearing pants,,

- the whole crew saying the ending monologue made me So Goddamn Emotional and so so happy 🥺🥺😭

- oh fuck i’d been able to enjoy the movie in peace but the “in loving memory of leonard nimoy” and the “for anton” in the end credits hit me like a fucking freight train……

aNYWAYS sorry for this insanely long post but i genuinely loved these movies so much they were so much fun and it was so lovely to see all these characters again!!

[octaviasdread]

any girls! dark academia movie recs? i really struggle to find anything not about a group of boys (as much as I love them)

SO MANY!!! This is probably a far more detailed answer than you were expecting but this is a popular question and I want to keep a list for myself and others.

Feel free to add to it/give opinions. I've tried to give a tw for anything I can remember

Girls! Dark Academia Movies/TV Shows

Mona Lisa Smile (2003)

1950s Women’s college

Art professor! Julia Roberts

She’s legit the female Mr Keating of the art & college world

Feminism vs. Tradition

Maggie Gyllenhall x Ginnifer Goodwin; their characters were more than friends. Fight me.

Does not end how you expect

Strike!/All I Wanna Do/The Hairy Bird (1998)

MY FAVOURITE!!!

Free on YouTube under one of its various names

Comedy

1960s all girls boarding school

Young Kirsten Dunst

Group of girls plot to sabotage a merger with a boys school less prestigious than their own

Secret attic clubhouse meetings of the D.A.R aka Daughters of the American Ravioli (eaten cold, ew)

girls get political & advocate for their rights using ANY elaborate and chaotic scheme

TW: eating disorder, vomiting & creepy male teacher but the girls plot against him too

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)

based on a short book I read for uni by Muriel Spark

1930s girls school in Edinburgh

Scottish teacher! Maggie Smith, controversial with a focus on romantic ideals

Spoiler alert, the liberal teacher is actually a fascist

Her group of fave students has cult- vibes and it’s fascinating

Picnic at Hanging Rock

1970s movie or 2018 mini series

Never watched either but I plan to

Wild Child (2008)

00s romcom every UK teen girl loves

Emma Roberts as the spoiled rich American teenager sent to a strict English boarding school

Plots to get herself expelled but oh no she’s making friends with the girls who help her

And the headmistress has a hot son, and he’s nice??? Double oh no

ICONIC SCENES

Everything! Goes! Wrong!

omg she burns the school down

Feel good, comfort, nostalgia

St Trinians (2007)

English girls boarding school

The kids are all criminals, no joke

So are the teachers

CHAOTIC

gay awakening for british girls

Art heist pulled off by school girls

Government tries to shut them down but oh no, the education minister & the headmistress are ex-lovers

Colin Firth x Rupert Everett in drag

Superior cast: Jodie Whittaker, Gemma Arterton, Juno Temple, Stephen Fry, Colin Firth, etc...

embodies the phrase 'problematic fave'

St Trinians 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold (2009)

Mystery, pirate ancestors, hidden treasure

omg Shakespeare was a woman

girls disguised as boys to infiltrate and rob the posh boys school

Villain! David Tennant in that ICONIC boat scene

Teen girls vs. ancient misogynist brotherhood

like the first film but MORE chaotic and BETTER!???

The Falling (2014)

1960s all girls school

best friends! but its unrequited love

Agoraphobic + distant mother aka mommy issues

Sudden death and the school suppresses/ignores the students grief, sparking mass hysteria & a fainting epidemic in the girls

Cast: Maisie Williams (GoT) & Florence Pugh (Little Women) & Joe Cole (Peaky Blinders)

TW: teen pregnancy, death, vomiting, underage s*x, sibling inc*st, past s*xual assault

READ THE PLOT SUMMARY FIRST

The Book Thief (2013)

Based on an amazing book by Markus Zusak

set in 1940s Nazi Germany

Daughter of a communist whose family were taken by the Nazis/died is fostered by an older couple who teach her to read & she paints a dictionary on the basement walls

Coming of age story about a compulsive book thief. No joke, this kid steals books from banned book burnings and breaks into the mayor's library through the window

Family hides the Jewish son of an old friend in their basement and he helps her to start writing about her experiences in the war

TW: death, bombings, WW2 anti-semitism

Mary Shelley (2017)

Overall good & roughly biographical

Pretty costumes and aesthetic

Modern feminist take on Mary Shelly in her own time period

So many INACCURACIES for the drama so don’t take it as truth

Percy Shelley slander and not all of it is justified

Cast: Elle Fanning, Douglas Booth, and Maisie Williams

The Secret Garden (1993)

Based on a fave childhood book

1901 colonial India & Yorkshire, England

Orphaned, spoilt & neglected girl sent to live with her reclusive Uncle in the English countryside

Gothic elements, mysteries, secret doors/passages/locked gardens

local boy with a flock of animals, magic, kids chanting around a fire and all around immaculate vibes

Happy ending!!!

Hidden Figures (2016)

African-American women as mathematicians for NASA

1960s space project

Women balancing a career and family obligations

Deals with racial & gender discrimination

Loosely based on the lives of Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, and Dorothy Vaughan who worked for NASA as engineers & mathematicians

Anne of Green Gables (1985) & sequel (1987)

Adaptation L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books

Canada (late 1890s/early 1900s)

Highly imaginative & bookworm orphan is adopted by a reclusive elderly brother and sister duo

Small town & school years comedic drama

Unrequited Enemies -> Friends -> lovers

Inspiring new woman teacher

Girls re-enact Tennyson’s poem and nearly drown for the aesthetic™

Dramatic poetry reading with INTENSE 👀eye contact👀

Writer! Anne & English teacher! Anne dealing with unruly girls school antics

Collette (2018)

biographical drama on french writer Sidonie-Gabrielle Collette

Victorian & Edwardian era France

More talented than her husband so she ghostwrites for him

Fight for creative ownership of her wildly successful novels

Affairs with a woman called Georgie and also with Missy, born female but masculine presenting

Cast: Keira Knightly, Dominic West, Eleanor Tomlinson (Poldark)

Enola Holmes (2020)

Netflix book adaptation

Younger sister of Sherlock Holmes

Victorian era! feminism/suffragettes

Mother-daughter focus

Mystery, adventure, secret codes, teens running away & escaping from (and eventually fighting) assassins

Cast: Helena Bonham Carter, Henry Cavill, Sam Claflin, Fiona Shaw, Millie Bobby Brown

Ginger & Rosa (2012)

1960s England

best friends since literal birth navigating troubled teen years

poet & anti-nuclear activist! Ginger

off the rails but also catholic! Rosa

Shout out to Mark & Mark the gay godfathers we all want

family troubles 

TW: older man has an affair with a 17 yr old

Testament of Youth (2014)

based on WW1 memoir by Vera Brittain

young woman (writer & poetry lover) escapes traditional family & goes to study at Oxford University

abandons to become a war nurse

romance, tragedy and war trauma

Cast: Alicia Vikander, Kit Harrington (GoT), Taron Edgerton (Rocketman), Colin Morgan (Merlin)

Little Women (2019)

Writer! Jo & Artist! Amy

Mother/daughter focus and sister dynamics

the March sisters’ theatre club is *chefs kiss*

champagne problems edits of Jo x Laurie are a mood

Ambivalent ending perfectly captures Louisa May Alcott’s dilemma with the book the movie is based on

set in 1860s America

ALL STAR CAST and a Greta Gerwig masterpeice

Lady Bird (2017)

coming of age in early 2002/2003 Sacramento, California

all girls catholic school

writer! Christine aka Lady Bird wants to get outta town and start her life again at college 'in a city with culture'

Mother/daughter dynamics - so realistic!

I live for that Jesus car stunt & the nun's reaction

school theatre program

Cast: Saoirse Ronan, Timothee Chalamet, Beanie Feldstein

Another Greta Gerwig gem

Beguiled (2017)

Virginia, civil war era

Girls school with only five students and two teachers left

Find an injured Union army soldier & bring him inside

Women & teenagers want his attention (v. problematic) before uniting against him

(tbh you'll either love it, hate it, or watch once & forget it)

Sofia Coppola film so its very feminine gaze

TW: violence, death, underage

Legally Blonde (2001)

No questions will be taken

Elle Woods was the blue print

TV series:

House of Anubis (2011-2013)

I know it’s a kids/young teen show but I still unironically love it

ANCIENT EGYPT!!!!

Modern day with Victorian era links to treasure hunters & Egyptian research expeditions (stealing from tombs)

Chosen one plot lines, curses, kidnapping, mysteries, secret tunnels under the school, elixir of life

Teens have investigate & protect themselves cus oh no the TEACHERS are involved in some shady stuff

new American kid at British boarding school is the actual premise not just a fanfic au

Nostalgic, light-hearted, funny, and kinda cheesy but I will accept no criticism

The Alienist (2018 -now)

Mid 1890s, New York

Woman’s private detective agency (Season 2)

Serial killer mystery

Woman secretary turns detective and teams up with a criminal psychiatrist and a newspaper editor to solve crime

TW: violence, child pr*stit*tion

Cast: Dakota Fanning, Luke Evans, Daniel Bruhl

The Queen’s Gambit (2020)

Woman chess prodigy

1950s & 1960s

TW: drug & alcohol abuse

Gentleman Jack (2019 - now)

Based on the diaries of Anne Lister

Victorian Yorkshire, England

Upper-class lesbians

Confident, suit wearing! Anne Lister x shy! Ann Walker

Business woman! Anne running the family mines

Cast: Suranne Jones (Doctor Foster) & Sophie Rundle (Peaky Blinders)

TW: violence

Gilmore Girls (2000-2007)

bubbly/ambitious single mom + intelligent daughter

bookworm! Rory Gilmore gets into a prestigious private school and then an Ivy League college

Small town drama is comedic gold

Fast dialogue packed with pop culture and literary references

Comforting & nostalgic

TEAM JESS

Anne with an E (2017-2019)

Loose adaptation of L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books

they completely change the plot lines but it’s still very good content!

Orphan girl with trauma and a love of books/poetry is adopted by an elderly brother & sister duo, bringing light and fresh ideas to a rural community

Feminism, girls writing club, lgbtq safe spaces, girls eduction, black/indigenous representation

Miss Stacy as THAT inspiring teacher

Aunt Josephine’s lavish gay parties have my heart

TW: creepy male teacher tries to marry a student, racial discrimination, indigenous assimilation school

Victoria (2016-2019)

Adaption of Queen Victoria’s life

Victoria navigating her political, royal, and personal life

Albert’s involvement with The Great Exhibition, 1851 (on cultural + industrial innovations)

Alfred Paget x Edward Drummond is exquisite

Gorgeous costumes and aesthetics

TW: bury your gays trope

Derry Girls (2018-now)

1990s Northern Ireland during the troubles

Comedy, episodes 20-25 mins long

English boy sent to an all girls Catholic school with his cousin

✨Dead Poets Society parody episode ✨with a free-spirited female teacher

Sister Michael, the sarcastic nun who hates her job & reads the exorcist for giggles

Wee anxious lesbian! Clare Devlin (plus her friends wearing rainbow pins)

Badass with bad ideas! Michelle Mallon

Main Character! Erin Quinn

Lovable weirdo who would fight a polar bear! Orla McCool

Wee English fella & honorary Derry girl! James Maguire

Dickinson (2019-now)

Loose adaption of the poet Emily Dickinson’s life

Set in 19th century Massachusetts, US

Historical drama with modern dialogue & music that works SEAMLESSLY

gives a great understanding of Emily Dickinson’s poems

💕Vintage gays! Emily x Sue💕

Theatre club, writing, poetry, dressing as men to sneak into lectures, love letters, teen drama, feminism, and an underground abolitionist journal as a brief side plot in season 2

Wiz Khalifa plays death in a horse drawn carriage

TW: opium use

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)

Based on great childhood books

Bookworm! brother, Inventor! sister, and baby sister with sharp teeth

Mystery, secret organisations, orphaned siblings figuring things out & fending for themselves against the villain after their fortune

Adults either cartoon evil, comedically incompetent, or SPIES

Boarding school, library owner, scientific researcher, and theatre episodes

Ambiguous time period which is really fun to try and pin point

Killing Eve (2018-now)

Classic detective who has homoerotic tension with the assassin she is tracking down

British Detective! Eve Polastri figures out the notorious assassin MI5 are investigating is a woman, is fired & then put on a secret MI6 case with a small team

Assassin! Villanelle, a psychopath with a tragic past and a mastery of both accents & fashion

Woman MI6 boss! Carolyn Martens, head of Russian section

Travel Europe following Villanelle’s killings and escaping the assassins sent by Villanelle’s organisation

‘You’re supposed to be my enemy and moral opposite but omg you’re the only one smart enough to get me and why am I obsessed with you????'

🚨 GO IN FOR A KISS AND THEN STAB YOUR ENEMY 🚨

Cable Girls/Las chicas del cable (2017-2020)

Spanish drama set in 1920s Madrid

Four young women at a telecommunications company form a group of friends and help navigate the difficult situations they are all in

Secret identities, dangerous pasts, murder, crime, lgbtq couple & throuple, trans man character, feminism/suffragists

girls commit crimes for humanitarian reasons and cover! it! up!

UNDERRATED SHOW!!!!

Gorgeous costumes and set

Haven’t finished it yet and I’m catching up

TW: abuse, violence, death

Outlander (2014 - now)

haven’t watched yet but plan to

Woman time travels to Scotland, 1743

Rebel highlanders, pirates, British colonies, American revolutionary war

Time jumps between 18th & 20th century

[brother-emperors]

Why do you like Brutus and Cassius so much? When did this love began?

oh man. hm. this is going to turn into a brick of text because Brutus and Cassius overlap with a lot of other stuff I’ve held a life long love for, but I’ll try to limit it to the main thoughts.

okay, so the answer to the second question is:

very recently, and also almost ten years. back when I was 17 I took a class that covered dante's divina commedia and spent a considerable amount of time delving into philosophical debate regarding brutus and cassius's placements in hell, and wrote a short piece of fiction regarding it.

independently of this, though, I didn't care much for cassius until very recently when a writer described cassius as a vigorous defender of lost causes and I started rethinking my opinion of him, and now I'm a full time cassius enthusiast.

to answer the first:

so italian renaissance reception of cassius and brutus in hell is conflicting and vast because there’s an underlying philosophical/political discussion involved with it, and the political dialogue of the renaissance holds my interest because my first love is machiavelli, and machiavelli objects to the placements of brutus and cassius. the political discourses involving art in the renaissance, specifically around florence, has been a lifelong fascination. the unfinished michelangelo bust of brutus has layers of political/philosophical meaning to it!! donato giannotti and michelangelo had a whole dialogue around it!! I love that!!!! and that’s not even going into more general reception of them involving plays and how those plays reflect conversations people are having with the politics of the time they lived in. the difference between how the english and the french creatives received brutus and cassius in times of political turmoil is endlessly fascinating!! but even without all of that: oh to be a pair in hell together.

moving past the renaissance, I’m An Enjoyer of Tragedies. the generation that brutus and cassius belonged to has been referred to as the last generation of romans, ancient writings and augustan propaganda on them imply doom from the start. cassius name has been forever attached to brutus, there’s even something of a tradition of turning them into a single person. in life they knew each other from childhood, and they knew each other to the end. brutus died within the same month as cassius. the statues of them near by statues of harmodius and aristogeiton, what a comparison, what an absolutely tragic downfall. they’re two halves of a whole, complimentary balances in personality and it’s not even poetic waxing: brutus has been compared as the statesman/philosopher to cassius’ warrior/gladiator, and florus describes brutus as having lost his second self by death of cassius.

moving past all of that, it’s like. there’s a kind of loneliness that follows machiavelli that makes me carry a collection of his letters around with me wherever I go, and it’s that same loneliness that compels me towards brutus and cassius. someone wrote that its a shame that most people’s introduction to brutus is in shakespeare, and I feel something similar that the first introduction people usually get of cassius is through brutus, and that for 2000 years, cassius has been used to absolve brutus of his own faults. that for 2000 years, people have been trying to absolve brutus of cassius.

they were friends. they grew up with each other. brutus went to caesar to plead for cassius’ life. it’s lonely that the only ever get to come alive again in media for the needs of a conspiracy, because the conspiracy is only ever treated as a distant plot beat.

tldr; I’m also fascinated by reception of them through the ages as a reflection of political dialogue in relation to the time periods people are bringing them back to life for. I want to pull back the curtains and try and get a better glimpse of them, but it’s been 2000 years and there’s only so many curtains you can pull back, so instead god has cursed me for my curiosity by making it so that I cant shut up about them in an attempt to satisfy that curiosity.

[jazy3]

Free Guy Review

!!!SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

If you haven’t seen the movie Free Guy (2021) stop reading right now! Drop what you’re doing and go get yourself a ticket! You’ll thank me later!

I loved this movie! I saw it this weekend for the second time because it’s that good! I first saw the trailer on YouTube a while back and then when theatres reopened a few weeks ago I saw the trailer again and my interest was piqued. I had high hopes for this movie based on the fun looking trailer, the premise, the cast, and the sense of fun and escapism that the movie seemed to embody and it did not disappoint. It’s always nice when you have high hopes for something and it meets or exceeds your expectations.

Free Guy is just such a fun and joyous movie. Never taking itself too seriously, packed with lots of heart, cool cameos, full of gaming and pop culture references, and it’s fueled by a unique concept that is well executed. There are just so many things I loved about this movie! It was a ton of fun to watch and the actors clearly had a blast making it. During the movie I kept trying to figure out where I knew most of the actors from but couldn’t place them. When I got home, I googled it and I instantly realized why. The roles are just so different and the actors embody their characters so completely you lose yourself in the film and get completely sucked in. I was honestly so surprised when I figured out what I knew most of the actors from because the roles that they’re known for are so different from their characters in the movie. Their appearances, established ages, and even the accents are so different that I literally did a double take, but that’s what makes the movie so good! Because the main actors obviously didn’t need the paycheque they were just there to have fun and it shows. I think if the situation had been different and the actors involved had been desperate for money or took the role for some other reason it wouldn’t have worked. The film would have come off as cheesy, forced, cringeworthy, or just plain bad. Free Guy is none of those things. The film stars Ryan Reynolds as ‘Guy’ a bank teller in a video game called Free City, Jodie Comer whose best known for playing Villanelle in Killing Eve as programmer Millie Rusk and her avatar Molotov Girl, Joe Keery whose best known for playing Steve Harrington in Stranger Things as programmer Walter ‘Keys’ McKey, and Taika Waititi whose best known for playing Viago in What We Do in the Shadows as the Head of Soonami Studios and the film’s main antagonist and villain Antwan. Rounding out the cast are Utkarsh Ambudka as programmer Mouser and Lil Rel Howery as Guy’s best friend and bank security guard Buddy. In a nutshell, Free Guy is about a bank teller named Guy who finds out he’s a non-playable background character (NPC) in an open-world Grand Theft Auto style video game called Free City. Guy becomes the hero of his own story after meeting Millie, the girl of his dreams, and winning fans all over the world by racking up points by being the good guy and helping others. After leveling up and helping Millie escape a dangerous situation in the game, Guy wins her over and she falls for him thinking that he’s another player. But when the world that Guy knows and all of the people in it are threatened, he teams up with Millie to save his friends before it’s too late. In the real world, Millie enlists the help of her former programming partner and best friend Keys in a race against time to stop their code and all of the sentient characters from Free City from being deleted by Antwan the developer who stole their code when the game’s sequel launches. I love that the movie had a unique premise and didn’t overcomplicate things. There are so many movies that I’ve gone to see over the last few years with such excitement only to be disappointed. For example, I loved Wreck It Ralph, but was so disappointed by its sequel Ralph Breaks the Internet. The trailers made it seem like it would take the premise of the first movie and move things into the online gaming world, and I was excited for that. Instead, the sequel left the premise of the first movie behind entirely and way over complicated the plot and the end result was extremely cheesy and disappointing. Free Guy’s strength is that it’s a self-aware movie made by self-aware people who are excellent at what they do. The movie doesn't take itself too seriously, nor should it, and that allows the story to flow and the characters to feel real and genuine. The movie achieves that perfect balance between being entertaining and telling a cohesive and important story because while the movie never takes itself too seriously the people behind it are serious about what they do. This was very clearly a passion project for all involved, especially Ryan Reynolds, and it shows! As he’s spoken about in interviews and on Twitter, Reynolds called on a lot of his friends to be in Free Guy and help him out and the end result was fantastic! I loved all of the cameos! The Chris Evans cameo was by far the funniest and the Alex Trebek cameo got me right in the feels. When I saw the movie in theatres me and everyone else in the theatre gave a collective “awww” when he appeared on screen. Enlisting real YouTubers to show up as fictional versions of themselves to talk about Blue Shirt Guy’s popularity was a nice touch and you’ve also got blink and you miss it voice cameos by John Krasinski, Dwyane The Rock Johnson, Hugh Jackman, and Tina Fey. Channing Tatum appears as the avatar of player Revenjamin Buttons which for the most part was hilarious. One of my few criticisms of the film is that they went a bit overboard the avatar’s antics as Guy and Buddy are attempting to leave and it got bit a cringeworthy. But I know other people found it hilarious so to each their own. I love all of the little details and references in the movie. Just listing them all would be a post in itself. If you’re someone that loves pop culture references and Easter Eggs this is the movie for you. The characters are fun and believable, and you get attached to them quickly. The actors commit completely to their roles which is makes the humour, romance, and heartfelt emotion of the film work. You buy it. 100%. Something that I absolutely loved was that the characters felt realistic and that the dialogue, attire, and settings for each character really felt authentic. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched a movie or TV show and walked away thinking, “The person who wrote that clearly never meet a kid, teenager, or twenty something in their life! That was so unrealistic.” The slang’s all wrong. The dialogue is so eloquent everyone sounds like they did Shakespeare in the Park last summer. You walk away thinking, “What the hell was that? No one talks that way!” What I loved about the characters in Free Guy is that they felt like real people you could actually run into or walk past on the street. I’ve read in interviews that in addition to the written dialogue the cast did a lot of ad-libbing and improvisation and the end result is both hilarious and relatable. The dialogue feels real because it is. The big exception to this of course is Antwan who is altogether off the wall and ridiculous. Antwan is such an outrageous, absurd, vulgar, and cartoonish character. He’s so fun to watch and the actors clearly had a lot of fun with his scenes! I’ve read that a lot of his lines with Keys and Mouser were improvised and I believe it. When he goes all Jack Nicholson on the servers? Lord. He’s such a great villain to watch. The characters that are established to be in their twenties like Millie, Keys, Mouser, and the other employees at Soonami Studios talk, act, and dress like they’re in their twenties. The actors that are in their forties are styled to look like they’re in their thirties and honestly, they’re in such great shape it works! I mean I was honestly shocked to find out Taika Waititi’s real age. I love how the costuming really fits each character and allows you to learn more about them. Keys’ clothing is your typical gamer chic which makes because as we learn from his interview with Millie coding is his life and what gets him up in the morning. From Mouser’s clothing we learn that he’s a sports fan, but also isn’t afraid to take risks like with that blazer ensemble he wears in his final scene at Millie’s apartment.

Millie’s clothing shows the contrast between her and her avatar Molotov Girl, and Antwan’s ridiculous coat enhances the overall wackiness of his character. Guy’s clothing tells us something too. He wears the same thing every day until he meets Millie in the game at which point, he starts deviated from his Free City programming and chooses a different blue shirt. I also really love that they put thought into why Keys needs to wear glasses. Something I noticed on rewatch is that Keys is far sighted which is why he has his glasses on when he’s looking at his laptop or computer and sometimes when’s talking to other people, but not when he goes to see Millie at her apartment or when he goes to get them coffee at the end of the movie. Another interesting aspect of Keys’ character that I noticed on rewatch is self-confidence is really something he struggles with in contrast to Millie and Mouser who are very confident. Millie is a genius programmer and Mouser is excellent at what he does, and they are both very confident in their coding abilities, but Keys isn’t despite being every bit the genius that Millie is. At the beginning of the movie when they first notice the issue with Guy Mouser jokes that Keys needs to be better at his job. In response Keys meekly says he thinks he’s pretty good at his job and trails off at the end. Mouser is just joking around, but because Keys lacks self-confidence comments like that hit him hard. Mouser is moving towards his own desk as he talks so he doesn’t notice how self-deprecating and uneasy Keys’ response is. In the interview from the indie games conference that Millie plays for Keys at his apartment, he brushes off the interviewers comment that he’s a genius and says Millie is the real genius because she created the AI engine and he just wrote the code to make it work. Later on, when Keys helps Millie get into the stash house, she calls him a genius and he tells her that as he’s currently sitting on a toilet stealing user code he doesn’t exactly feel like one. Millie responds offhandedly that he never does, but luckily, she knows better. When Keys realizes that Millie was right, and that Antwan did steal their code and their game worked he tells Millie they need to celebrate because once everyone sees their build she’ll be celebrated and she could win a noble prize. Both Millie and Keys are geniuses in their own right. The game wouldn’t have worked without both of their skills and Guy wouldn’t have come to life without both of them working together. Millie’s AI engine made his sentience possible, but Keys is the one who gave him hopes and dreams so that when he met Millie in the game, he came alive. When done right the settings we see tell the story just as much as the characters do and I love how realistic the settings in Free Guy look. The floor at Soonami Studios where Keys and Mouser work looks like a real office and I love that the desks have clutter and personal effects on them like real cubicles do and that they show Keys taking a box of his stuff with him as he leaves. The lobby with the moving water videos and Antwan’s massive but largely empty office fits perfectly with the obnoxious, zany, and over the top character that he is. I also love the contrast between Keys and Millie’s apartments and how those settings tell us a lot about each character and where they are in their lives when the film starts. When Keys comes home from work to find that Millie has broken in, we see that he lives in a stylish one bedroom apartment with an open concept kitchen full of stainless steel appliances, a large living room centred around an expensive wall mounted TV and entertainment system, with his computer and gaming station set up in the corner. On the walls we see artful clusters of black picture frames, through a partially open door we see a bedroom off to the side, the apartment is full of black and white furniture including a plush couch and nice lamps, and features a textured silver accent wall. All of which makes the fact that Millie managed to break in even more impressive because it is clearly an expensive apartment in a nice building. Keys’ style is minimalist and upper scale and based on what we learn about the events that took place before the start of the movie this indicates that Keys got the apartment and all of the nice stuff in it using the money he received when Antwan bought his and Millie’s game. In contrast, Millie lives in a bachelor apartment and spends her time in coffee shops ordering one single black coffee over four hours. This tells us that she kept her original apartment that she had from before the game was sold and is living off the money she got from the sale while she spends all of her time trying to find the proof she needs to win her lawsuit. When we see Millie’s place, we find that it’s cozy, full of plants, throw rugs, quilts, and comfy furniture. She’s got a bike in the corner, you can see her bed from the centre of the room where she’s got her computer and gaming station set up adjacent to the coffee table and the rest of the living room furniture. Her kitchen is smaller and full of wooden cabinets and her bathroom door has DIY multicoloured square panels on it. Keys and Millie’s apartments are very different and through these settings we see the contrast between where these characters are in their lives, their wealth, and their personal style. The song ‘Fantasy’ by Mariah Carey is featured heavily in the film and is guaranteed to get stuck in your head in the best way! Jodie Comer’s cover of it is amazing! It fits the moment where Guy makes it to the island that is Millie and Keys’ original build and shows it to the world perfectly. This movie made me appreciate Mariah Carey’s music in a whole new way and I can’t be the only way. After watching the movie, I went looking for the song on Apple Music, wound up listening to the Mariah Carey Essentials Playlist, and I’ve become obsessed. I knew some of her hits, but after listening to her music more I get why people love her so much. Her five octave vocal range is amazing, and her music is just so fun to listen to. The film has a really great soundtrack overall and I’ve had many of its song on repeat since I saw it. Something I really loved about this movie and the reveal at the end that Keys is in love with Millie and is desperate for her to notice, but she’s been oblivious the whole time is that they don’t do the supposedly nice nerdy guy whose really a jerk trope. So many movies do this where you have a nerdy male character whose unluckily love, looked over, or his love is unrequited, and we’re supposed to root for him because he’s a quote “nice guy”. But really, he’s not. He’s a jerk who feels slighted because a woman in his life doesn’t love him back or notice him and he feels as if she owes him something. The scene at Millie’s place where Millie tells Keys he looks cute when he brags, and Mouser encourages him to tell Millie how he feels is super frustrating to watch but it’s so important to Keys’ character. He asks Millie out for coffee and when she turns him down to jump back into the game, he doesn’t make a big deal about it even though Mouser wants him to. Instead he gets up and goes and gets her a coffee anyway. She goes to tell him her order, oblivious to the fact that he’s memorized it, he tells her he remembers, and goes to get the coffee anyway much to Mouser’s and the audience’s dismay. This is big because Keys clearly doesn’t want to be walking down the street by himself to get coffee. He wants to be getting coffee with Millie so that he can tell her how he feels to see if she might feel the same way, but when she turns him down he goes and gets the coffee anyway because he truly loves and cares about her and he values their friendship enough to put his own feelings aside and suffer in silence rather than lose her and what they’ve built. So, he takes the opportunity to get some air rather than continue to sit there in disappointment. Which is why he’s so confused when Millie runs after him and calls out to him from across the street. He doesn’t understand what she’s doing there. She turned down his offer to get a coffee and he already knows her order so why is she there? I love that they chose to make that scene non-verbal. I think if Millie had come out and made some big declaration of love it would have felt cheesy and overdone. But her running after him and silently communicating through her smile and body language that she understood and that she felt the same way was perfect. It was subtle and beautiful and perfectly acted. It also felt realistic to the characters because in real life when you’ve known someone a really long time and you’ve spent a lot of time with them you don’t always need words to convey what you mean. What Millie wanted to express in that scene was so big and so all-encompassing she couldn’t find the words to say everything that she wanted to say so she didn’t. She just stood there and smiled knowing that being the genius that he is he would understand. It’s like Keys says in their interview, words will fail you, but code never does. His coding worked and now she understands so rather than try and say it all and fail she just looks at him and smiles to show him that she finally gets it. She finally understands what he’s been trying to say to her all this time. And you can see the exact moment Keys realizes why she’s there. The moment where he goes from being confused as to what she wants to realizing that she saw the video and she knows how he feels and that she wouldn’t be standing there smiling at him like that if she didn’t feel the same way. When I watched the scene the first time around, I was anxiously clutching my nachos the entire time because when Keys ran towards her my immediate thought was, “Oh my god he’s gonna get hit by a car and they’re never gonna get to be together! Oh my god!” But then he didn’t get hit by a car and Millie ran out to meet him and for the first time in their relationship she met him halfway and they kissed and it was beautiful! I think because Free City had so much violence in it that’s where my mind went and I’m very glad they didn’t go that route. One of my only criticisms about the movie is that I wish they had stayed on Millie and Keys just a little bit longer. They kiss and embrace and then very quickly they cut to black. I wish they’d linger on that moment just a little bit longer because I love those characters so much and in the scene that follows where Guy and Buddy are reunited we see them hug and then walk away together to start their new lives and I wish we’d gotten just a bit more time with Millie and Keys. I also really loved the parallel between the different kinds of relationships within the movie and how platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones. The reveal at the end about Guy being Keys’ creation and a love letter to Millie and her realizing she’s been loving Keys vicariously through Guy and them finally coming together and being on the same page is beautiful because from the very beginning the movie is full of clues, hints, and foreshadowing that all comes together at the end. Meanwhile, we see the friendship between Guy and Buddy and how important that friendship is to him because it’s something that he created on his own. His love for Millie is born out of the programming that Keys gave him, but his friendship with Buddy is something that Guy created all on his own of his own volition. Which is part of what makes Buddy’s death on the bridge so tragic. I cried when Buddy disappeared. Reynolds and Howery play their characters with such sincerity that his death pacts an emotional punch you don’t expect. I love that the security guards at Soonami are so moved by Buddy’s heroism and are so captivated by what’s happening with the live stream that Millie is able to sneak past them into the server room and stop Antwan from destroying what’s left of the game. Something else I noticed on rewatch is that during the final battle after Millie gets booted from the game and Guy has to fight Dude on his own the glasses he’s wearing are very similar to the ones Keys wears in the movie which I thought was a cool nod to Guy being Keys’ creation. This really is a movie in which you find something new every time you watch it. For instance, the second time around I noticed that the foreshadowing that Keys is in love with Millie, but she’s oblivious to it because she’s so focused on the game was really well done. In the video from the indie game conference that Millie plays for Keys at his apartment when asked by the interviewer about their chemistry Millie responds first and says that their friends, their relationship is completely platonic, and laughs off the idea that they have chemistry. In contrast Keys falters and is silent and then eventually says meekly that they’re just friends. Millie is looking ahead at the interviewer and to the side away from Keys as she’s laughing and so she doesn’t see Keys’ reaction. At the end of the apartment scene after Millie breaks in to ask Keys for his help, he tells Millie he cares about her and he almost says something else. It feels like he’s about to say, ‘I love you’ but then he catches himself and instead tells her that she needs to leave. When Keys visits Millie’s apartment to tell her that she was right and they’re sitting on the couch he reaches out and puts his hand on her knee and then snatches it back when he realizes he’s gotten too close. He wants so desperately to be closer to her and in his excitement, he gets closer than he normally would before realizing that putting his hand on her knee in that close proximity is not a platonic gesture. Millie is so caught up in the realization that Guy, the person she’s fallen in love with, is an AI and not a real person that she doesn’t notice. My heart broke for Keys in that scene as he realized that Millie had fallen for Guy and kissed him and was so upset about it and meanwhile, he was right in front of her desperate for her to see how much he cares. It must have just wrecked him to go home that night and realize that Guy was based on the lovelorn character he created and that Millie had fallen in love with his creation while at the same time being so oblivious to his real world affection for her. In the scene at Millie’s apartment after they’ve gotten the server from Antwan and Mouser encourages Keys to say something, I noticed on rewatch just how weak and meager Keys’ attempt to ask Millie out is. He stumbles his way through asking her to get a coffee and trails off at the end so it’s no wonder Millie doesn’t clue in that he’s trying to ask her out. And in Keys’ defence he sent her a whole video confessing his feelings for her and all of the little things he loves about her and then told her to watch it and he has no idea if she did or not. We the audience know that Millie only saw half of it, but Keys has no idea if she saw none of it, part of it, or all of it. He knows she got Guy to remember, but she’s also sending him mixed messages. One minute she’s saying he’s cute when he brags and the next, she’s turning him down for coffee to talk to Guy. From the outside it’s so obvious that Keys is in love with Millie, but she doesn’t see it because she’s always looking the other way, not paying attention, so caught up in the game, and too focused on their work to see what’s right in front of her. On rewatch one of the big things I noticed is that Keys is always on the edge of telling Millie how he really feels but he always stops himself because she brushes him or the idea off and because he’s scared of what will become of their work and their friendship if she doesn’t feel the same way. It’s a huge leap. If Millie doesn’t feel the same way it’s going to make their relationship incredibly awkward and could potentially destroy their partnership so Keys decides it’s better not to say anything or only hint at how he feels rather than run the risk of ruining everything. Something else I noticed on rewatch is that in the interview they give Keys says he thinks of himself as an author and that code is what gets him up in the morning and that he loves the ones and zeros of binary because words can fail you and let you down but code never does. At the end of the movie when Millie goes to talk to Guy in Free Life he tells her that he loves her and while he knows that’s his programming he’s realized that he’s a love letter to her and that somewhere out there in the real world is the author. Such a great callback. All in all, I can definitely say that Free Guy has been my favourite movie so far this year! Definitely my favourite movie of the summer. I went to see it twice in theatres and I’ve never done that for any other movie before. I’ll rewatch them at home sure, but I’ve never actually paid money to see something twice on my own. I’m very excited to see the sequel and my hope is that it will be just as good as the first.  Until next time.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

why does jean warn up to mc so quickly? ikevamp makes it clear that jean is a pretty reserved person and doesn't open up or let people in easily but he seems to let mc in quite quickly and it confuses me quite a bit.

Oh boy, where to begin with this one.

Well, I have a lot of Feelings^TM about this, but I'll try to be concise. Essentially, I think Jeanne doesn't recover in the other routes--or the general storyline--largely because he's just a lot to unpack narratively speaking. And without some pretty direct intervention, he has a hard time healing. MC’s direct intervention was meaningful because it was focused, consistent, and adapted to Jeanne’s specific needs. She also doesn’t make light of his experiences which is key; she fully understands that she can’t fathom what he’s been through. There is a very weighty respect and acknowledgement, a seriousness with which she treats his wounds that’s important.

It’s easy to make this a “why is MC nOt LiKe ThE oThEr GiRlS” but honestly that’s just not the sense I get when I look at all the information available to us. 

That being said, I also just feel like every person's recovery from traumatic events doesn't really look the same? I mean Leonardo’s cptsd isn’t going to operate the same way Jeanne’s wartime/Inquisition cptsd is going to operate. Some people require very individualized healing, others will often require a large scale group effort to lift them up.

Typically people don't ever just get over what happened to them and never worry about it again, either. It's usually a process of coping; the hope is that with time you find healthy ways to deal with grief and move forward. Therapists aren't magicians, they just help people process painful experiences/thoughts. It's honestly up to individuals to find meaningful ways to implement these tactics. 

Tl; dr: My contention is that Jeanne doesn’t open up or choose to stay alive because MC magically heals him, rather his recovery is a convergence of many people’s efforts and hopes that he stays alive. Gilles (he insists that Jeanne must live, asks him to promise), MC (affirms and bolsters that promise), Comte (makes a second life and recovery possible)--and in no small measure Mozart and Napoleon--all make an active effort to buoy him. As people often say, it takes a village to raise a child.

While Jeanne seems to respond most powerfully to MC’s attempts, it feels more like a product of chemistry/compatibility than it does a random cop out. There is no insinuation that only romantic love can heal; after all, MC gets close to him without any romantic intentions at first. They’re just good friends? It’s more that their feelings simply moved in a different direction after a point, which doesn’t necessarily happen all the time. Jeanne is also incredibly moved by Mozart’s love for him as a friend, Comte’s love for him as a father, and even Gilles’ love as a comrade to an extent. If anything, without their input Jeanne’s capacity for romantic love would be questionable at best.

Now, because I can never for the life of me stop analyzing, I have a more large scale outline of my thoughts below. Spoilers for Jeanne’s route:

If we look at Jeanne's life history, he has pretty specific trauma. Most of the harm he endured was a direct result of human rights violations after the war itself. He didn't enjoy fighting and killing people, but he's also very much a man that sees the reality of his position: it's either kill or be killed. His entire goal was to defeat the enemy as efficiently as possible in the hopes of ending conflict, and with his enormous resolve turns the tide. He had no innate interest in inflicting harm, or lack of control when engaging. He isn't pathological about it, and doesn’t dehumanize the other side. He was more "this was an act of necessity, but those are still human beings." So as far as I can tell he has a very strong moral compass and sense of duty, he doesn't show much delusion/confusion in that regard. (Also evident in his conversations with the young orphan boy.) Furthermore, he has been shown to have a sense of humor--cracking jokes with Gilles and boosting morale for his fellow soldiers.

His childhood abandonment is significant (he left his home because he was "not an adequate farmhand and they had no ability to feed all their children") but I don't know if I would consider it a huge trauma point for him. It seems as though he deemed it an act of necessity--not spite. It was simply the way of things, and he couldn't help his wiry constitution. You'd be surprised how common that was once upon a time, tbh... While it's certainly not right or fair, it does appear that in his perception it was the choice he made and he moved on after he became a soldier. Just focusing on what he could do, rather than everything he lacked. For people in his position, they often feel it is useless to linger on what should have been. There’s no time to linger or doubt, life hangs in the balance.

That leaves us with his time under the Inquisition, just before he was slated to be burned alive. I think this is the keystone trauma point for him, because there are a lot of moving parts to his powerlessness here. The first part is that his entire life's mission--ending the war so that people would no longer have to die and/or starve as a result of senseless violence--was just sabotaged. All those years of doing things he never wanted to do (wartime violence) and being forced to leave his family to ensure they didn't all starve, all of it treated like some kind of joke. Like he didn't sacrifice years of his life and sanity to protect a people who were happy to call him a monster and watch him burn alive. The second part is the overt gaslighting and rewriting of Jeanne's personal history (and overall French public perception) for the sake of the King's political agenda. To call him a treasonous danger to the country when he was once lauded a hero. The third portion is the actual physical helplessness of being arrested, starved, and continuously maimed for no reason beyond pure malice. While it's never right to do that to any human being, this was done to a man who prided himself on his stalwart moral code. To abuse and torture him for something egregious that he would never do (at the risk of death) is just another slap in the face to everything he is and believes in.

I just feel like the context clarifies why that period of time would be the tipping point. His entire moral code and life’s work is being called into question and swept aside, as well as his agency? He believes very powerfully in a sense of right vs wrong, what's fair and what isn't fair. Somebody else deciding that for him--and deciding in a way that is openly unfair/incorrect--further makes him lose himself and his sense of reality. A person in that situation begins to doubt if they are good or bad. His belief in god all the more pressing; if he was a good person, why would fate bring him so much suffering? Honorable soldier or not, his blade has drawn so much blood...

People often reference his stilted social skills (and I am of the belief that he is on the autistic spectrum) as a reason why he is so "people-adverse" but tbh? I don't agree. His memories before the onset of this trauma reveal that he was actually a very warm person, and that people were more than willing to fight under his banner. He had friends, and he had comrades--his country loved him. He was the picture of well-meaning civic duty. Just because he doesn’t integrate smoothly into larger social groups or adapt well to socially shifting circumstances, doesn’t mean he just hates people lmao. When people give him the space to exist within his comfort zone and don’t take advantage of him, he thrives. Compounded by that, we also have his actions in the present to further prove what is true and what isn't.

While he is stern with the orphan boy (I'm sorry I can't remember his name, damn it) there is no malice or cruelty in what he has to say. He doesn't punish the kid or do anything out of line. It may not be fair in terms of the adult level of discretion he asks of him, but the kid also didn't have a lot of options realistically speaking lmao. Same thing with MC, she and the orphan boy are nearly identical in how Jeanne treats them. He's a little rough, but the route reveals that his intentions are just a reflection of what he's been through. He truly believes that if a person isn't strong, they won't survive--because his entire life was a series of trying to be strong/reliable because nobody else would. There was nobody to protect him, and nobody to care for him went things went south. It was him and his sword against the world, and even his exceptional skill as a fighter did not protect him from the Inquisition's arbitrary torture. He has lived in a world where good acts can become absolutely meaningless, where following rules and helping people still gets you slaughtered. That's going to take a considerable toll on his mental health: where do you find the will to go on when the next second of your life could mean the devastation of everything that matters to you?

Spoilers: you don't. Or if you do, every minute of the day is a fight to stay alive. That is the point at which we meet Jeanne. Caught in the hellish whirlpool of wanting more, wanting better--but being terrified of the cost. The cost of hoping, only for his entire world to go up in flames again. It's not a small thing, in my view.

If you have any doubts as to whether or not that is the case, I direct you to literally every singular instance in which Jeanne's emotional sensibility goes visibly dark/south. When do these instances happen? When it rains, for one. And when Shakespeare deliberately starts pressing on his sensitivities: about the soldiers he was forced to kill, about the nation that spurned him, how he's truly "wicked" at heart and doesn't deserve to be happy--seconds before flames erupt for the festival. Does that really sound coincidental? I mean lmao. The rain is a painful reminder, but MC transforms that memory into something a little lighter with her bet. He has nothing to lose in her game, all she does is ask for time with him or offers him something if she loses. There's a playfulness there, a restoration of agency and ease that's invaluable to his recovery.

As for Shakespeare's deliberate retraumatization...I can't even begin to explain how damaging that event was. Shakespeare is undermining Jeanne's agency in that he--not unlike the corrupt monarch of Jeanne's era--is twisting Jeanne's beliefs to work against him. He knows full well that Jeanne doesn't feel like he deserves somebody so bright and understanding (we need to remember it's not really a luxury he's had much in life, especially after the war ended). He knows Jeanne has a tendency to impose that strict moral code on himself even more than he does on others. To reaffirm his every worst fear and lurking terror only throws Jeanne into a vicious downspiral. Jeanne doesn't reject MC out of disgust or hate. He rejects her because he literally cannot handle the concept of trying to be happy again, or of burdening her with his constant struggle to move on while he’s in the middle of a bad episode. He knows he won’t be able to stop reliving the past, that every second of his life and breath will be colored by his gruesome memories. He's trying as hard as he can to keep the intrusive thoughts quiet, to move on. But I'm not going to lie to any of you, that is incredibly difficult to do alone.

The next obvious question is, well why can't the other men help him? This isn't to say that they can't--we see how much solace Jeanne finds in Napoleon and Mozart. Even Isaac is gentle with the veteran. But there are limits to how much they can do. Napoleon is struggling with his own wartime trauma, and it's not identical to Jeanne's. Plus there’s a distinct difference in their sensibilities? Napoleon is the type to habitually seek comfort in helping others when he can't help himself, he's not as in tune with answering his own personal feelings and regulating them. (I mean just look at his new ES: he knows what he wants, but it takes a nudge from Isaac for him to go through with it.) He’s very communally reliant in ways Jeanne isn’t; Jeanne is a very private person, and typically prefers one on one from what I can tell.

Mozart is the definition of repression, and if you look at their interactions it's usually Jeanne that's smoothing over Mozart's rough edges. Mozart says as much himself: that he feels like a rotten friend because he knew Jeanne was struggling with a lot of intense trauma, but he didn't know how to unravel it without hurting him in the process. Mozart calls it personal cowardice, but honestly I just feel like they both had too much going on to be able to help each other effectively. (And Jeanne expresses this sentiment too? This idea that he's not angry with Mozart? He knows they're both carrying a lot, he's just touched Mozart cares about him in return.)

Okay, briefly unrelated, but like. Am I the only one that wheezes uncontrollably when Mozart is like "?????? Idk what it is about MC...I don't want her to be scared of me..." in his own main story in the baths. And Jeanne. IS TRYING SO HARD. NOT TO SPILL THE BEANS ABOUT HIM O B V I O U S L Y BEING IN LOVE. THE HILARITY I CAN'T DO THIS. Jeanne was like "yeah....yeah that's rough buddy.......[screams internally, give your boy time Jeanne he's fragile]"

Honestly? That's the thing about Jeanne too--he has incredible self-awareness and hyperarousal-related (I mean the PTSD kind, get your head out of the gutter) awareness to the people around him. He's very, very conscious of the fact that he is surrounded by geniuses when he can't even write his own name. Just because he has the fortitude not to lash out with his insecurities, doesn't mean he never feels stupid or inferior. And it doesn't help when there are people in the mansion who call him--a fucking war veteran from 500 YEARS AGO--nAiVe. He's not naive lmao. He just doesn't know how the world works so many years later, and it's a ridiculously steep learning curve? Leonardo and Comte are nearly 500 years old, but they lived throughout every hour of that time in a linear fashion. It is a big deal to be moved from 1430 to 1890 in the span of a second asynchronously, and then be expected to function without a hitch??? Given the circumstances he adapts well.

That atmosphere--this constant impatience with what he doesn’t understand, his inability to be caught up to speed quickly--is going to hinder his recovery lmao. He feels like a burden most of the time, and agency and freedom are crucial.

Another thing that occurs to me about the mansion's arrangement is that there is a power dynamic, just as any space with people in it has some level of hierarchy (unless you live with miraculously chill people). Jeanne is acutely aware that Comte is the most powerful being in that space, and he is not only hatefully angry at him--but likely afraid too. We have to remember that the biggest betrayal he witnessed in his life was at the hands of a monarch; it was the aristocracy that turned on him and erased the truth. Comte is openly a child that resulted from both that era and that type of lineage, I don't really blame Jeanne for being wary. He intimately knows how willing rich people are to throw normal folks under the bus to suit their ambitions/whims. Comte, while not deliberately threatening, also seems to be painfully aware of this impression he gives off. His "chad persona" as I've mentioned allows him to navigate his life in secret by necessity, but it’s actively damaging to his son. He can't reveal the truth because of Vlad's betrayal, and he's openly unsettled by what it could mean to be honest. Will they wonder about Vlad and find themselves ensnared under his mind control as Charles and Shakespeare are? Will Comte himself be subjected to the mortifying ordeal of being known only to lose them?? That's a risk he isn't willing to take--and that leaves him in a double bind.

What is it that they say, the truth will set you free? This is where MC and Comte come into enormous play when it comes to Jeanne's recovery. One thing to keep in mind is that most of the people in the mansion have their own traumas they're trying to carry, and I feel like a lot of them are unsure how to approach Jeanne. Or if they do, he's very guarded. It takes a lot of consistent effort to get through to him. What does MC do when Jeanne unleashes his harsh worldview on her? She's understandably frightened, but Jeanne isn't malicious (so she chases him around). In fact, he openly avoids and runs away from her--well aware that what he's done is wrong. If anything, he did it on purpose, bringing us right back to Shakespeare's verbal undoing; why does Jeanne attack her in the first place?

LMAO. He attacks her because she essentially says "oh thanks for helping me!" "I am not nice. Watch yourself." "But you seem like a nice guy to me?" "REEEEEE" Does the pattern become a little clearer? When people think kindly of him, his instinct is to shatter that illusion with an impulsive reprehensible act. When people think poorly of him or lash out, what does he do? When that orphan boy starts yelling and screaming, Jeanne is nothing but calm. He explains the situation, and offers the kid a choice, perfectly happy to be the bearer of bad news. This operates on many levels I’m sure, but I have a feeling it has something to do with him being hailed a saint and a war hero only to be tortured and branded a monstrosity (and he probably thinks being a vampire is doubly monstrous). He’s more comfortable being hated because he feels it’s what he deserves in a lot of ways.

Jeanne has a lot of internalized self-hatred because of what he's done, and because of how much harm was inflicted on him outside of his control (he's Catholic and he was tortured, come on this writes itself). If I'm honest, I think that's actually the greater part of why he hates Comte lmao. Comte refuses the very concept of being cruel no matter how much Jeanne lashes out. Sure he lectures him and scolds him, but he never actively limits what's important to him or controls or harms him. Comte fully realizes the tragedy of how Jeanne's life was used by a nation in dire straits, and knows he needs time and acceptance to heal. No matter how dismal or unhappy, Comte doesn't stop--he fully believes Jeanne should have time in his life where he can really live for himself for once. But therein lies the issue, Jeanne doesn't know how to live for himself.

Which brings me to how MC and Comte "heal" Jeanne. I feel like they give him the space he needs to recover, and that's what results in his gentled temperament and happiness. Remember that so much of his main story is MC endlessly chasing after Jeanne. No amounts of his hissing or running or threatening stops her. Even if his refusals are empty of real dislike, they're enough to deter most people. Not MC. She's able to see through to the depths of who he is, and doesn't just use him for her own ends? She actively seeks to teach him (to read and write) to help him settle better in this era, she actively tries to ease his distaste for rain with a well-meaning bet, and she never gives up on him. (Actions mean so much more to him than words in general too, tbh...). Love is more easily defined by work and effort than it is by attraction.

When he has his episode at the festival, sure she's rattled; but that's because she truly believed that he didn't want to be around her anymore. When she notices he really doesn’t want to be followed, she stops like any normal person would. It’s only when she reads his notebook and sees the truth for herself (that he’s given up despite having the same feelings for her) that her determination is rekindled. She doesn't approach him fearfully, doesn't treat him like he's made of glass either. She just wants him as he is--accepts and loves him as he is. Scarred, bloody, exhausted, abrasive, terrified. She doesn't define him by how easy he is to love. That is a huge issue with traumatized people lmao. Because of their maturity, people always just assume they don't need help, or they rely on them to an extent that isn't sustainable. The second they reveal need or that they struggle, people walk away or victim blame them because it’s easier than taking them seriously.

While MC's attempts may be a little more obvious (cherishing his lily field, wearing the hair pin he gave her, careful about his gruesome injury, really listens when he talks about the horrors of his life and accepts that he experienced a level of agony/terror she can never understand, tries to express her feelings no matter his evasion) I think it's also important to consider Comte's large scale effort. I don't say this to undermine MC, I say it because Jeanne's life was defined by a complete lack of security. He left his parents to make their lives easier, he lived in a war that meant life or death any second, and his country's leader branded him a traitor which lead to his endless torture and public execution. Jeanne does not know a life in which safety is the norm. Point blank. He does not understanding going outside and not expecting the worst anymore.

Comte not only understands that level of despair, but treats it with dignity and respect. He fully accepts being hated if it means Jeanne can use that hatred to live on and find a way to heal. And most importantly, when Jeanne begins to move forward with MC and Mozart's help, Comte never once holds it against Jeanne when the truth is revealed. He's not angry, this isn't about reprisal or reparations or revenge. It's just love.

Jeanne doesn't really have a concept of this? His entire life was mostly transactional, defined by strength and efficiency. Nobody gives a damn about your feelings. You either hurl yourself at the problem or die. Nobody is going to help you or carry you or save you. While he may have had a little more support while he was in the military from his fellow soldiers, that support system was ripped away from him during the Inquisition.

One very common sentiment regarding elongated imprisonment and torture is that survival occurs in pairs. It is an undeniable fact that people need others to survive. It is the nature of who we are. Individualism has never proven to be successful, or if it is, its dividends are astronomically minimal when compared to people working together.

What does it mean to be the most reliable, steady person in the room? Usually it just means you don't know how to ask for help when you are no longer capable of maintaining that stance. Napoleon is guilty of it. Leonardo, Comte, and Jeanne all are too. It's part of why MC and Comte's capacity to see what he needs and provide as much as they can is such a big deal. That sort of consistent support (without a constant necessity to beg for help) allows Jeanne to be able to re-integrate into his new reality and find joy. Even if his nightmares and memories never go away, they are now being actively overrun by positive experiences. That's the thing about recovery, really--it tends to be more about drowning out the negative as much as possible and coming to terms with it, than it is about forgetting or never feeling it again. It’s about softening the sharp edges of pain like sea glass.

So is MC magical and randomly got Jeanne to open up? Nah, I don't think so. I think it was a series of persistence and real acceptance of who he is that made him warm up. People really seem to underestimate how deeply affecting understanding is, but that's how damage is undone. Jeanne can't really linger on the idea of his own monstrousness, his unworthiness, a lifetime of misery, when the person in front of him actively listens and cares about him. Makes him laugh and smile and lose himself in warmth for the first time.

If I'm honest, I feel like people also just...underestimate the level of traumatic resurgence that's perpetuated and inflicted by society’s standards in general lmao. This rhetorical structure in which good and bad exist in moral extremes, this idea that people should be able to recover and never experience relapses or periods of sensitivity. The refusal to radically listen to people and their problems, and make active attempts--not matter how small--to mend/ease those hurt feelings. Granted there will always be people in the world who do not want to improve, but I feel like most people want to. It's hopelessness, silence, and stigmatization that remain the true enemies of traumatized/mentally ill people everywhere. And among that population are always war veterans...

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

Fairy Gawain Servant Analysis (on launch date??? what blasphemy...)

Ma'am your bajonkadonks...

Fairy Knight Gawain

Saber

Max HP: 13,521

Max ATK: 8,721

Earth

Chaotic Good

Star Absorb: 99

Star Gen: 10.2%

NP Charge ATK: 0.74%

NP Charge DEF: 3%

Trait's: Brynhildr's Beloved, Demonic Beast Servant, Fae, Female, Humanoid, Round Table Knight (Stage 1 only), Saber Class Servant, Servant, Weak to Enuma Elish

QABBB

Quick = 5 hits, Arts = 3 hits, Buster = 2 hits, Extra = 5 hits

Quick NP Gain: 3.70%, Arts NP Gain: 2.22%, Extra NP Gain: 3.70%

Numeral of the Saint B

Increases own attack by 18% for 3 turns.

Increases own Buster performance on Sunlight Battlefield for 3 turns. (18% -> 28%).

7 -> 5 turn cooldown

Wild Rule A

Increases own Buster performance for 3 turns. (20% -> 30%)

Grants self Survival of the Fittest buff for 3 turns:

-Recovers own HP by 1000 when normal attacking.

-Removes one latest buff from enemy when normal attacking.

-If buff has been removed, 500% chance to reduce their defense by 10% for 3 turns.

8 -> 6 turn cooldown

Foul Weather A

Reduces party's damage taken for 3 hits, 3 turns. (500 -> 1000)

Grants self Regeneration buff for 3 turns:

-Charges party's NP guage. (10% -> 15%)

9 -> 7 turn cooldown

Magic Resistance C

Increases own debuff resistance by 15%.

Mad Enhancement A+

Increases own Buster performance by 11%.

Blackdog Galatine

Buster

AoE

5 hits

Increases own Buster performance for 1 turn. (20% -> 40%, OC)

Deals damage to all enemies. (300% -> 500%)

Increases own Max HP by 3000 for 5 turns.

Reduces own skill cooldown by 1.

Stomach Destroyer

When equipped on Fairy Knight Gawain,

Increases her own NP damage by 30%, and has a 30% chance to increase her Max HP by 500 for 3 turns when attacking.

Primary Role: Farmer, Solo

Secondary Role: DPS

Situational Role:

Fairy Gawain my beloved...Anyways the newest Buster Saber Gorilla has burst onto the scene, taking the name of Gawain from a pretty good Servant in his own right, so it'll be interesting to see how Fairy Gawain compares. For the sake of not spoiling everything, I won't be refering to her by her true name, just as Fairy Gawain for the rest of the analysis.

Starting off with her bases, Fairy Gawain has a very high base HP build with a pretty low base ATK to balance it off. This is generally a problem, as having a low attack tends to put a pretty unfortunate cap on your damage potential, but Fairy Gawain doesn't suffer from this as much as other Servants like Summer Medb does. Her card bases are pretty good though. A triple Buster kit will help her overcome her lower ATK thanks to the 20% of her ATK that gets added to every card's damage in a Buster chain. Her NP generation is pretty good too for her kit, with a good Arts and a pretty strong Quick and Extra. I can't give you the hard numbers, but it's better than it might initially seem and she doesn't struggle with NP generation.

Her first skill is Numeral of the Saint B, which is a weaker version of Gawain's first skill. Unfortunately for Fairy Gawain, she cannot set the Sunlight Battlefield effect herself, so she might require support in that regard if you want to make the most use of her in any battlefield. Like Gawain though, it acts as a really powerful steroid in its own right, boosting the damage of Fairy Gawain's Buster cards by about 51% just through this skill alone.

Her second skill is Wild Rule A, and I'll be honest, I really like this skill. It's not only another solid Buster buff, further increasing Fairy Gawain's damage, but it comes with some very nice effects on the side as well. In a solo setting, Fairy Gawain can use this skill to recover 4000 (4500-5000 with Command Code buffs) HP a turn, while removing multiple buffs from the opponent and inflicting guaranteed Def drops that further ramp her damage for the next 3 turns. In a team setting it can be a bit more unrealiable, but the ability to purge Buffs is really strong and shouldn't be underestimated, especially since it's very good over multiple turns in comparison to other forms of buff removal. The problem with this skill is easily apparent though: it's maximum value comes from enemies who use buffs, which doesn't even include every single Servant in the game and will have no effect against Permanent buffs either. But the upsides are still worth noting, and a 1000 HP heal on every attack each turn is generally good.

Her final skill is Foul Weather A, and this is probably her single best skill in her kit, which is surprising because its pretty simple. The first buff gives a 1000 damage cut for 3 hits, 3 turns, which is a pretty solid defensive buff that helps the entire party. The real meat of this skill is in the "Regeneration" buff it gives, which is a party NP charge for every turn, for 3 turns. The ceiling on this skill is 15%, which makes this skill really powerful not only as a way to patch up her own NP generation, but also to boost the NP generation of the supports in her crew too, which has a lot of positive results.

Her NP, Blackdog Galatine, makes Excalibur Galatine look like a bit of a joke. It not only gives her a 3000 Max HP buff for 5 rounds, which is essentially a 3000 HP heal you can't waste, it also gives her another Buster steroid AND reduces the cooldown on her skills by 1. This is a really, really good NP and makes Fairy Gawain a lot better than she initially seems. With her S2 and S1 on a non-Sunny field, this NP will do about 17,148 damage neutral on average, which isn't amazing but is fairly decent with her low ATK stat. On a Sunny Field, she'll hit for about 20,130 neutral on average, which is decidedly better, and with a couple of Def down drops she'll hit for about 23,542 neutral on average. That's really something for an AoE coming off of a low ATK stat, and it will get better with buffs and the right CE.

Grails: When you're Grailing a Servant who is at a higher rarity, you won't get as much out of the extra stats as you would for a low rarity Servant. But for a Servant with low base ATK like Fairy Gawain, it can end up making a different. At Level 100, she'll have 10,559 ATK and 16,394 HP, which gives her a lot of HP and puts her ATK at roughly the levels an ATK focused 4-star would have. This isn't an unnoticeable difference: on a Sunlight battlefield, her NP damage will go up to about 24,373 neutral damage on average and about 28,504 neutral damage on average with a couple of Def downs from her 2nd skill. If you really like Fairy Gawain but feel that her damage isn't quite as up to par as you might want, Grails are a pretty decent way to cover the difference.

Support Options:

Merlin is huge with Fairy Gawain. Yes that should be obvious as a Buster focused Servant, but Fairy Gawain's S3 provides a really powerful feedback loop. She will charge Merlin's NP a lot faster, which will result in Merlin's NP regen charging her NP faster, which will result in her using her NP more often, reducing the cooldown on her skills and letter her use her S3 more often. This also makes a good option for any Servant who can charge her NP faster through their NP, such as Tamamo, although you will often lose some damage in the process. Hans is also another good support, since he can provide extra crit support and damage + survivability through his NP. Leonidas can provide Taunt access and extra buster power, but the NP charges will also provide a lot of stars and more consistent Def up for himself. Other Buster supports are also good options, but they benefit less from what Fairy Gawain has to offer.

Of course, Gawain himself can apply Sunlight himself and provide extra buffs, while Ozymandius' first skill can be useful as well.

Command Code: Fairy Gawain really functions well with any number of Command Codes, although she tends to favor ones that improve her damage thanks to her lower ATK. She's not crit focused enough to favor command codes that benefit crit favored strategies. Additional healing command codes, like Maiden of Orleans and Good Wife Wise Fox will help with her survivability, especially if you want to use her in a solo setting. Da Vinci-chan will give her NP damage, which is a buff she doesn't typically have access to, and Magus of Flowers will help to get her NP out sooner, which is important for using her effectively.

Craft Essences: CEs for Buster Servants can be really pretty hard, but any 50% CE with a positive benefit is usually a pretty good start. With her 3rd skill active, she's guaranteed her NP on turn with a double Merlin set-up (or Merlin + Shakespeare if that's more accessible for you). The Black Grail can be used to dramatically raise the ceiling on her NP damage, but the lack of starting NP charge might make it a bit harder for her to access her NP than you'd like.

Competition: The one big thing that's not going for Fairy Gawain is that while her damage is good, it's mostly good given her low ATK stat. Other AoE Buster Servants like Artoria or Gawain are still going to give a lot more damage than she will, and then there's Arjuna Alter who is the eternal bane of pretty much any AoE Buster unit wanting to make an impact on the meta. Even her ability to charge her own NP by a large degree isn't exactly unique, thanks to Ibuki Douji.

However, there isn't an AoE Buster servant who can boast a 45% NP charge to the entire party, or one that can boast consistent buff removal access over multiple turns, or who can lower their own skill cooldowns, and because of that, she'll still perform well comparatively.

Pros:

-Her kit will give her a pretty solid bonus to her Buster cards overall damage. With her S1 and S2 active on a Sunlight field, her Buster cards will do about double damage compared to normal (1.18 * 1.69 = 1.994), and the Def drops she can inflict will further increase her damage.

-The ability to remove buffs over multiple turns can't be understated, especially in a solo situation where she can often fade entire turns of buffs.

-Her S3 is incredibly powerful for a Buster Servant. 15% party NP charge for 3 turns is no joke.

-Her base NP generation is pretty good for her kit.

-Her survivability is also pretty good, with both damage cut, HP Max buffs, and heals.

-She's fucking TALLLLLLLLLLL

Cons:

-Her low ATK will always be a limiter on her damage, and if you need someone who can hit certain benchmarks, she might not cut it.

-She has no hard survival options, so she'll need support in that regard, especially for solos.

-Her kit is overall good but has situational elements that need to be fulfilled to maximize its value, which can be difficult to fulfill.

-Your mom might question you if she sees her 2nd ascension.

Overall Conclusions

I got to test out Fairy Gawain for a little while and was really surprised by how potent she could be, and her good kit helps to make her standout from other AoE Saber Servants, which is really important because there is a lot of them. Despite her low attack, her good synergy with other popular supports, her strong steroids, and her unique advantages make her a not only serviceable, but a good AoE Saber. It does, I think, remain to be seen who makes for the best supports for Fairy Gawain, but she does allow for a lot of experimentation. I for one am very excited to continue using her.

I am not excited to farm the 180 bells needed for her skills however.

[leaving-this]

thinking about how coriolanus and julius caesar and others are often referred to as “masculine” plays due to the very limited number of female characters as well as each plot being traditionally “masculine” and i am wondering which shakespeare play is the most feminine* and while rosalind is the largest female role in the canon it doesn’t seem right that the most feminine play would be one of the ones involving a girl dressed as a boy?

and while i’m well aware that in his day all the female roles would’ve been played by men anyway it’s still interesting to me to consider what makes a play masculine or feminine and why are some folks so quick to easily call a play masculine but it’s so much harder to call a shakespeare play feminine??

and can we really distinguish plots and thematic elements as one or the other like can war really be (even archaically) called masculine alone if tamora is responsible for one of the most atrocious acts in any of shakespeare’s play so we can’t really just pick a cute romantic one and decide that’s what it means to be feminine.

and i have to wonder if it has anything to do with with how much women actually impact the ending of the play or the action in which case i may have to reconsider casting as you like it aside so fast and even though so much is dictated by men i feel like i can’t ignore king lear either and much ado crossed my mind but part of me feels like it’s worth examining love’s labour’s lost because the ending feels like such a break from (contemporary) ideas of the genre and it’s partially because the women choose to walk away (but that’s also related to the death of the king? so…?) i’m not sure.

but i keep coming back to the winter’s tale because it seems to put the most balanced importance on (metaphorical) sisterhood, motherhood, daughterhood, & wifehood and that’s not to say that any one one those things defines femininity but WT seems to be shakespeare’s only play that puts such a heavy focus on all of them and puts the women in control of the ending but they have so little (or seem to? unless you count what is likely going on that leontes is unaware of but that’s not actually part of the play onstage.) and a woman presenting magic (even pretend fake magic - which honestly i prefer the interpretation that it’s not magic and paulina just helped hermione hide for that long) does feel like a representation of something vaguely divinely feminine. also i think the bear was a woman and she was a #girlboss.

*(feminine. not feminist - we simply can’t perscribe ideals like this to shakespeare - we can reinterpret the work all we want, but as for the man himself - i’m not interested in debating it. flat no.)

[notnctu]

to jungwoo, my best friend ♡

To All The J’s I’ve Loved Before Series by notnctu ♡ kim jungwoo x reader ♡ genre - fluff  ♡ wc - 1.5k ♡ warnings - none   ♡ synopsis - in which you and your best friend form a pact ♡ taglist - @colpen​ ; @cestmoncoeur​ ; @hyucksberry​ ; @lexiluness​ ; @lovelycharm05​ ; @dearlyminhyung​ ; @classic-antifood​ ; @pikijaemin​ ; @whorefortaeyong​ ; @jaeismytamtation​ ; @skrtbeepbeep​ ; @justakpopstans​ ; @macaroni-sly​​ ; @neodreams06​​​ ; @sunflowerhae​​​ ; @bearboyunho​​​ ; @lxstinthxdream​ ; @lanadreamie​

♡ a/n: and this concludes the end of the series hehe thank you all who have kept up with it and expressed all your feedback!! we couldnt have asked for such a good turn out! pls look out for some future works :)) 

Jungwoo, 

This should not come as a surprise to me or you at all. At first, I thought you were just some dumb hall mate that was always dropping his shampoo bottle while his arms were filled with the rest of his shower necessities because he never bothered to buy a shower caddy. Two years later, and somehow, you haven’t found a new best friend to replace me yet. 

Remember our pact, the one we made almost a year ago? I’m sorry, but I broke it, not because I actually found another person worth breaking it for. I broke it because I realized some feelings I had been festering. So, I guess I’m not that tough after all.

I don’t even know if I love you, or even like you in that sense. But I know that I truly do value you in my life. Without you, I wouldn’t have anyone else to cry about midterms with, drink away the sorrow of failing grades, and even just eat lunch with. 

You just know me best. You know how I’m like and what I like. You tease and make fun of me all the time, but you’re always the first person that gives me a shoulder to cry on, motivate me to do my best, and cheer with me when I got my first internship. 

The small sparkles that blossom in my chest whenever you look me in the eyes must be temporary. It must be from your new hair cut and sudden sense of fashion. They’re only small subtle changes anyways.

Maybe a part of me does wonder what it would be like to date you. You already bring me so much joy as my best friend, how much happier could you make me as my boyfriend? 

But I think that my love for exceeds past wanting romance with you, but more so, for you. I am already thankful that you’re in my life, and I hope you continue to forever be in my life.

Instead of loving me more than you already do, I want you to find someone who will make you happy, who will love and cherish you in every way possible in the ways I can’t. 

I know I love you. You’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. 

-from your ride or die, y.n

“Jung Jaehyun?” Jungwoo exclaimed. “Are you an idiot? That’s her ex.” 

“Okay! Yes! I reali- ow!” Mark whines as your best friend hit his shoulder, knowing that scowling the boy was not enough.

“Hey it’s okay, it wasn’t even that bad.” You casually sip on your morning coffee. 

“You actually continued the date with him?” Jungwoo’s eyes widened, almost as big as bowling balls. 

“Yea, we’re friends,” You emphasize, “Especially since someone always leaves on the weekends and someone else is too popular and has many friends to attend to.”

Before Jungwoo can roll his eyes, Mark catches a glance of his watch, alarmed by the time being shown.

“Oh shit,” Mark hurriedly packs his things. “I’m late for class, I’ll see you guys during our two hour gap right?” You and Jungwoo nod in unison as you watch the rushed boy dash off towards the tall buildings.

Your best friend clears his throat, “so are you two planning on getting back together? I really thought you and that Jisung kid were going to hit it off. The guy looks at you with hearts in his eyes and attentive ears.” 

Scoffing, the morning sun is dazzling on Jungwoo’s eyes, nose, and lips. There is a brief moment of examination when you take in the change in his outfit choice, him wearing jeans instead of grey sweat shorts.

It’s almost as if Jungwoo styled his hair differently today as well, the part in his hair now sways slightly off the center. He looks good today, almost as if you were finding your platonic perspective on your best friend shifting to attraction.

Jungwoo peers over at you when you don’t answer his question and he waves a hand in your dazed face. With an immediate choke on your coffee, you snap out of it all.

“No! I told him we weren’t getting back together, as flirty as he always is. And Jisung,” an exasperated sigh draws from your lips, followed by a small pout, “the feelings I have for him are out of care, though I love spending time with him. Time just stops and we’re in our own little world, but to be together in the real world… it’s difficult for my heart to say.”

Jungwoo rolls his eyes at the poetry that endlessly spews from your mouth.

“Okay, Shakespeare. Don't worry, you’ll find someone to grant your ridiculous fairytale romance one day. And since I know you best, I’ll make sure that the person comes into your life riding on a majestic horse to sweep you off of your feet.” 

The sweet smile does not match the teasing tone, but instead reminds you of sincerity. There is this unrecognizable tingly sparkle that runs across your chest when you two catch each other’s eyes.

A tiny voice in your head wonders, could it be you, Kim Jungwoo? Despite not knowing how to ride a horse, he did mention how he knows you best.

He knows everything about your interests, your taste, your habits. He’s the perfect balance of sweet and salty. Your number one supporter, your number one speed dial. Your best friend, as if he didn’t already play that role too perfectly. 

The happiness Jungwoo warms you with is already delightful, so could limits be tested to see if it would be better in a relationship? It is definitely an option to be explored.

“Let’s make a pact.” It’s music to his ears, the curious boy loves hearing a new proposal. A mischievous grin is noted, along with the gleam that glosses over his eyes. “If we’re both single by the time we graduate college, we’ll date each other.”

“On one condition,” your best friend starts, the evil smile not fading, “the pact is broken if one of us develops feelings for the other person before graduation.” 

Jungwoo proposes a challenge that might actually cause you to lose. The unsettling drop in your stomach makes you want to hurl, and it’s hard to swallow your pride.

“Like I would actually like you?” The quiver in your lip initiates Jungwoo to chuckle.

He sees right through your tough act, and knows exactly how to taunt you. “Sometimes I catch you staring at me like how Jisung stares at you.” Jungwoo playfully pushes your buttons, and before you can protest, his hands run through his hair coolly.

“Right, like how you look at me like how I look at Jeno.” It is semi-sarcastic and you cross your arms in defensiveness. Jungwoo shameless knows every person who has had your heart at one point, and has even teased you to the point of asking if he was your next J. 

He whines cutely, as he oozes every ounce of sweetness from his crevices. The dramatic pout, the puppy dog eyes, the hands pressing his cheeks together. “You caught me red handed! The condition is more for me than for you anyways.” 

The reaction he wanted is what he got when you stand speechless at your best friend’s comment. “Oh, shut up. Is it a deal?”

“Of course, my cutie pie (y/n)! You know what, I’ll stay single just so we can fulfill our pact.” Again, there is no seriousness in his happy, cheerful fun. Jungwoo is a bask in the sun, live in the moment type of person. And he sure as hell, does not think about the repercussions of his words.

“Then maybe, you can finally write about me in your little secret love letters.” Absolutely mortified, you cup his mouth quickly to avoid any other reference to your letters. You instantly regret letting him in on that secret, because honestly, you had just been giving him more ammo to use against you. 

“I told you to never bring it up!” As if you aren’t embarrassed enough, you can feel the vibrations of his laughter between your fingers. 

You are practically determined at this point, there is no way you are going to break the condition. 

You are tougher than that, you manage to get through a high school break up with your first love. You’ve rejoined a past crush, who still has the ability to make sparkles fly.

You became a guide to a lost freshman, who you’ve grown up to love. And you simply predict, that in the future, you are going to experience more hurts in greater magnitudes. 

And you’ll grow up through your experiences, but with Jungwoo right next to you. Through experiencing and learning different things about yourselves, there is no time to focus on your potential relationship with your best friend. 

So maybe, just maybe! You aren’t going to fall for your best friend and break the pact early, because you’re no sucker to Kim Jungwoo. 

However, you’re beginning to notice the small changes and even those have an effect on you. So possibly, it may be harder than you’d think. Because the one person that will be beside you through every heartbreak and passing crush, is always going to be him. 

[caitlinsfandomthoughts]

Watching Star Trek TOS For the First Time! Season 1 Reaction

I’ve been a TNG, DS9 and Voyager fan for maybe 10 years but had never watched TOS until I decided that I would. And then I realised I couldn’t live with the possibility of the internet not being able to know my incoherent rambling reactions if it so desired. Most of these were written the day after I saw them but with the early ones it was later so sorry if I don’t remember your favourite.

Season 1:

The Cage: Be still my beating heart why must number 1 leave the show? Why?! Imagine a world in which Majel Barrett got to continue to be her in the Star Trek universe instead of Lwuxana (sorry I don’t love her) and Nurse Chapel. She’s so beautiful I love her. And she gets to where pants and be the second in command. While the episode for sure has sexist moments it does seem like there was more of an actual effort to present to future as having gender equality. When you compare this to the ultra mini skirted version of the actual show, it does feel like executives went through it to make it more marketable. It’s been noted by others that she is quite similar to what Spock’s character became: the cold, logical one, while Spock smiles in this episode. While I ended up loving Spock I still would’ve loved to see a woman in that kind of role, especially in the 60s. Although I’m not sure she would’ve been treated that well.

So Vina can’t like, get medical treatment from Starfleet doctors who know how to put a human body together? No? We’re just gonna leave her there? She’s too ugly? She’s better off living in a fantasy world where she’s pretty? Ok then…

The Man Trap: I don’t even really remember this one so I’d have to rewatch it.

Charlie X: Charlie sees women and becomes an incel, Kirk has to try and teach him not to be. This is a decent goal that somehow culminates in a space boxing match. Kirk loses his shirt. Sexual tension is presumably resolved. Uhura sings.

Where No Man Has Gone Before: The pants are back. Man becomes some kind of god and Kirk beats him up if I remember correctly.

The Naked Time: This is where The Naked Now comes from. This one was less sexual, which is probably a good thing, and less drunk, which is too bad cause I love drunk Crusher and Picard trying to focus on work while their brains won’t brain. Highly relatable mood. This one is where the immortal line “sorry, neither” comes from, spoken by Uhura in response to Sulu calling her a “fair maiden.” According to the internet that was an ad lib and I so hope that’s true cause it’s amazing. Also according to Spock Sulu is a “swashbuckler at heart” which is cool and all but I wish we got to find that out by him actually being a character that we know the personality of rather than a background diversity guy who gets to say a couple of lines sometimes. Also each to their own but shirtless Sulu is infinitely more attractive than shirtless Kirk.

The Enemy Within: Bad. Women at Warp podcast said it best, it’s bad because they say the evil Kirk is still Kirk and is needed for him to be a good captain/person. This could’ve been ok if he didn’t do something so irredeemable, or they could’ve not had him be defined as a true and necessary part of Kirk, but you can’t have both and sell it as an ok message. Rand not being able to look at ‘good’ Kirk after really makes it feel real, her acting in general makes it feel too real.

Mudd’s Women: Women take beauty pills that make them have makeup on and men find them too ugly to marry without them even though they are still beautiful. Also said women were kinda slaves but don’t worry about it! *hand waves*

What Are Little Girls Made Off: I don’t know what the title has to do with the episode. This is the episode where Nurse Chapel is introduced even though she was in a previous episode. And she’s taken more seriously than I thought she would be. Kirk gets an android version of himself made by a guy who he already doesn’t trust and doesn’t predict that maybe that’s not a good idea. Apparently to make an android all you need to do is put one person and one dummy on a giant plate and spin them around real fast. If only the guy who wanted to take apart Data in Measure of a Man knew.

Miri: Problematic. I think the crush angle could’ve worked if it was one sided, but Kirk played into it and it was creepy, and you know, also manipulative, assuming Kirk doesn’t actually feel the same way and is using it to get her to help them. That’s my more charitable interpretation anyway. Also McCoy doesn’t know how vaccines work. Also this episode doesn’t know what puberty is, or rather when it starts. If the virus is supposed to get to you then, that starts round the preteen age. Miri is older than that even though she’s not an adult.

Dagger of the Mind: This was the first one where I was starting to quite like it and it was feeling a little more like Star Trek to me (I know this is the first Star Trek but there’s a certain way 80s/90s era Star Trek feels to me). I really liked the beginning where it was setting up this whole maybe prisoners become violent because of how the prison treats them thing and that it was challenging the viewpoints of some of the main characters, although McCoy was already team prisons are bad and I love him for that. It then went more into the lobotomising asylum type story which was still ok. The guy turned out to be a doctor rather than a prisoner which I didn’t like cause I wanted the prisoners to be humanised. Although you could’ve done a “see anyone, even ‘innocent’ non criminals can be turned violent with this treatment” but they didn’t really emphasise that.

The Corbomite Maneuver: I don’t remember this. Kirk playing poker with some alien I think. Edit: I’m been informed this is the one where the alien turns out to be a lollypop guild kid lip-syncing to an adult’s voice, which I do remember, and probably thought it was some kind of sleep-deprived fever dream.

The Menagerie Part 1 & 2:  I laughed so much when they wheeled Pike out and I finally got the Futurama reference in Where No Fan Has Gone Before. I mean I obviously knew the whole thing was a Star Trek Reference, but I had never seen that specific imagery before and now the joke makes sense! Also Pike wanting to go back there seems kinda wrong. I mean they say he’s a vegetable mentally I think but he doesn’t seem to be? I can kinda get that he’s got more incentive to be there than Vina who could probably be helped by Federation doctors but also, he hated that place and spent the whole episode trying to get out of it and it doesn’t feel like a fitting ending for him.

The Conscious of the King: And here begins Star Trek’s love affair with Shakespeare. The only thing I have to say really is, if I didn’t mishear something… a father and daughter played Macbeth and Lady Macbeth? A married couple. And no-one thought that was weird? She was the daughter of a dictator though so there was an Ivanka Trump vibe.

Balance of Terror: Romulans. Spock wasn’t sure that they were related to Vulcans till this ep, though he suspected it. How far back did they split for it to be unknown? I like that the Romulans were sympathetic and we had scenes with them just in their ship from their perspective, and they had some conflicting views with each other. And I really like how Spock was suspected as a spy cause racism and of course he wasn’t and saved that guy cause he’s the better person. That said I found this episode pretty boring and I don’t know why. I kinda wish it turned into a witchhunt situation and was more about the racism on the Enterprise, kinda like The Drumhead from TNG.

Shore leave: Wtf was this episode?! And I don’t ask that because the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland showed up, or that it was a random holodeck planet episode, that’s fine. When the White Rabbit appeared I was just like, ok it’s going to be one of those episodes, that’s fine. Holodeck episodes are fun, I don’t even mind a random magic alien or two appearing for no reason to wreak havoc, say by making everyone larp as Robin Hood, that’s all Star Trek, that’s Star Trek doing a Star Trek, what I didn’t like is this episode goes nowhere! McCoy sees the White Rabbit, we’re off to a good start, Sulu “Swashbuckler at Heart” sees an old gun that he geeks out on, cool. Kirk sees some woman of course. Also there’s some guy fending off a tiger. Random female guest star of the week rather than letting Uhura be part of the story gets her uniform torn by some guy. Then she imagines a princess dress and if that were me as soon as I realised I could think things into existence I would just imagine all my dream clothes. Kirk imagines an old student friend who is attempting very hard to be Irish (thank you Colm Meany for saving us from this).

Anyway so the planets a holodeck cool. And I’m like, Spock should beam down, I wanna know what he’ll see, this is where the episode could get interesting. And then it happens, but nothing happens, they don’t even make much of a deal of him not seeing anything. But then I thought what if! What if Spock didn’t beam down and this was another imagination?! What if he was some alien with some ulterior motive OR better than that we get to see Spock as imagined by whoever was thinking of him. You could go down a very fanfic road if it were Kirk’s imagined or desired view of him, or maybe you could show different people’s perceptions and then they still suspect he’s not acting like himself even though it’s how they see him, but its not quite right, cause it’s not actually how he is. Or at least I thought they were going to find out what was going on. But NOPE none of that happens. Instead leprechaun guy shows up again and Kirk just wonders off to fight him for the next fucking millennium! The uniforms they wore at the academy seem like they were made out of better quality material than that of a Starfleet captain’s. Poor Kirk must be having to replicate new uniforms every other day. Then they laugh I think, and sexual tension is presumably resolved. Then the aliens show up and are like yeah this planet is a holodeck we thought you’d like it also McCoy died but he didn’t and I’m like THEY DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS. But then they decide to party.

It reminded me of a Red Dwarf episode called Better Than Life where they knowingly go into a virtual reality game which is basically the same as this planet. But over time Rimmer keeps sabotaging what he imagines cause he hates himself so much his brain won’t let him have nice things. And it’s still a comedy, but there’s an opportunity for exploring the character’s psyche with this setup that wasn’t done here and that made it boring.

The Galileo Seven: This episode was good!! In contrast to the last one it delivered on promises it made, it had a satisfying ending, it’s probably my favourite so far. The whole time I was like this should be about how Spock can be wrong and logic isn’t everything to be a good commander. But given the quality of the previous episodes wasn’t that great and Spock was always right about everything I didn’t trust them to do that. BUT I WAS WRONG. I thought it would be about how just because you don’t have emotions doesn’t mean you can disregard those of the crew. But instead it was about how he couldn’t predict their enemy wouldn’t act based on emotion rather than logic. And then he admitted he was wrong and helped the guy bury the other guy, and then they were about to die and McCoy was like at least I’ve lived to hear Spock say he fucked up. And then Spock jettisoned the fuel so that it might act like a flare but it gave them less time and I was like no you’ve learned nothing! Don’t just do things that severe without asking your crew. But then after they were saved it was described as an act of desperation rather than anything logical and Kirk was like that’s an emotion isn’t it? You acted on emotion? And Spock was like well yes but I’m not gonna say it like that.

I like that emotion was good actually. I think it’s a fine balance between the message of its ok to be different and using Spock as an analogy for racism, and inadvertently neurodiversity, but also not buying into the idea that emotions = weakness and lack of emotion, or emotional repression = objectivity. Even if you don’t factor emotion into your decisions (which would be impossible unless you don’t experience emotions at all) it doesn’t mean that you don’t have personal biases in your perspective. So I’m glad Spock was wrong for once.

The Squire of Gothos: This is Q this is Proto-Q. He does all the same things that Q does; he shows up in clothes that are way out of date (and he thinks they’re from 900 years ago when they’re clearly early 19th century) and he flirts with the captain. Oh and he has powers, maybe they were computer powers, but not all? And he goes on about humans being brutal, warmongering people but he’s kinda into it. He fights Kirk but there was actual tension so it wasn’t annoying like the one with the Irish guy. And then it turns out he was just a kid exactly like the Futurama episode, except he is a kid not 35. I think him being a kid makes the flirting seem weird though.

Arena: Kirk and the Gorn at Tanagra. Kirk fights a lizard because aliens wanted to encourage them to not fight by telling them to fight. I thought maybe these lizards could be proto Cardassians but then I thought they can’t be they don’t talk, but then he spoke so I thought they could be, but then he was the one who was invaded and was only defending his people so I thought they couldn’t be, unless that was actually just lies and justifications in which case they definitely would be, but then that would undermine the message of the episode so I guess not. I wonder how many leaders have killed each other before these alien’s negotiation tactic actually worked.

Tomorrow is Yesterday: This was fun. There were a lot of twists and turns. I wonder if it was before or after the moonlanding. Every plan just makes it worse and more and more people keep getting exposed to the future. Kirk could’ve easily just closed the door and beamed back at the end but instead opts to punch like six people. (I think this is where “a woman?” “Crewman.” Comes from).

Court Martial: What if Kirk actually did it though? Would that be more interesting? Maybe. At least here he has an age appropriate love interest. She’s prosecuting against him which is surely a conflict of interest. AND she has a uniform with a longer skirt! And it actually looks good, like it looks like an actual dress that she can sit down in and it still looks like a dress and not a crumpled up shirt. It’s elegant but it’s still short. I could see this being an option (for any gender) as a dress uniform but it would still make no sense when they’re serving on a ship.

Return of the Archons: I am LIVING for Spock in a medieval style hood. It’s giving me Peter Cook in a Mother Superior’s wimple in Bedazzled vibe, it’s not quite on that level of beauty, but it’s close. For some reason Sulu returned from the planet in 18th century gear but then everyone else is dressed like it’s the 19th century, with some medieval robes thrown in, and this annoys me more than it should. Maybe it’s because he’s a swashbuckler at heart. Apparently they had a completely peaceful society except for the nightly purge they seemed to have going on that is never mentioned again.

Space Seed: KHHANN! I liked this a lot until the end. I want to know the lore behind Data’s Dad having his middle and last name. Edit: Actually only the middle name is the same and the last name is just similar. I still think there’s lore there (excuse the pun), probably he’s a descendent of his cult followers or something. The story seemed to be eugenics bad and also the type of guy to basically be a eugenics cult leader would be super manipulative and abusive but just charming enough in a relationship. It does a pretty good job of showing the abuse in his relationship with the historian woman, how he switches between being loving and I guess charming, and flattering to being abusive and degrading. I wish that the historian woman could find someone that she can explore domination and submission with consensually cause that seems like it would be what she really wants. Anyway but in the end they just let him go? Like he tried to take over the ship but they were like here have a colony. They compared the place to Australia when the colonists arrived at Botany Bay and that it could be... I forget what the word was but basically ‘civilised’ and No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO STOP RIGHT THERE NO Australia was already populated and didn’t need eugenicist cult leaders who were demonstrably bad to show up make it ‘better.’ AND THEN the historian is given the choice to go with them and she does and its framed like it’s good? Or at least ok? When they just did a pretty decent job of showing how abusive and manipulative he was and she had redeemed herself by turning against him? So I get that they probably wanted to bring him back although they’re probably not gonna bring her back, but they could’ve easily had him escape instead.

A Taste of Armageddon: Suicide machines. I forget the rest.

This Side of Paradise: SEX POLLEN! Well it’s more fall in love pollen, I guess, for one character. There’s a woman and there’s the music and the soft focus and BUT WAIT then the camera cuts to Spock not Kirk! Because she has taste. It’s about this point that I think the ‘Spock’s the most popular but Shatner wants to remain the star so we’ll emphasise their character’s relationship thus inadvertently inventing slash fic’ might’ve started. It’s time for a love triangle! She makes Spock get the sex pollen, which is not getting consent, and then he falls in love with her and is climbing trees and is all happy. Kirk can’t get a text back from Spock. Then Kirk and two others get the pollen except Kirk didn’t, but he did, but anyway I thought everyone would be horny but they weren’t they were just brainwashed. Soon Kirk is all alone on the bridge, then he gets the pollen and is happy to live as a poly triad but then he gets angry and it’s gone. Then he calls Spock to the ship and approaches the situation in the only way Kirk knows how: Homoerotic punching! So they fight for not long enough and then Spock is cured but he’s a little sad, there’s sadness in his voice, it’s not quite so matter of fact. Then Spock’s gf gets sad and the sex pollen is gone too, Spock might still have feelings for her but he has responsibilities to the ship and “to that man on the bridge” which if he was saying to just mean once again the whole ship, and its mission and the captain in a professional sense, seems a little redundant, which would surely be illogical.

The colonists get sad that they haven’t done anything for years because the sex pollen made them unambitious but I would argue maybe the sex pollen was right and you were better off just vibing. This episode was more interesting and less silly than I thought the creator of sex pollen would be. At the end Spock says that for the first time in his life he was happy. While every other character could still easily become addicted to a thing like that they could at least know they would experience happiness or any feelings again in their life, for Spock it was going back to nothingness.

Devil in the Dark: Spock calls Kirk Jim which I don’t think he has before, when he’s talking over the communicator and he’s worried he’s in danger, there’s some actual fear or urgency in his voice. Also the moment that got me was when Kirk wanted to send Spock back the ship cause he didn’t trust him to kill the creature and Spock was like “but… I’m not really as useful there I am here… so…” If I was writing it I would’ve played that up more but anyway, I like that they didn’t kill the creature. I like that McCoy said the thing. And also said “I’m starting to think I can cure a rainy day.” He’s my favourite.

Errand of Mercy: It’s kinda becoming the Kirk Spock show now, I like the ship but I miss McCoy. I like that the passive pacifists who Kirk was so angry with were actually more powerful. And KLINGONS! Oh yeah the orientalism, the yellow peril, it’s… it’s there all right. They were played a lot colder here, a little Cardassian maybe, still bloodthirsty but I don’t believe this guy has to do it himself to feel honourable, he can kill for sure but he’s fine ordering someone else to do it and being a chessmaster too.

The Alternative Factor: God this one was boring. But it does have a man with the worst beard wig I’ve ever seen. Now he’s stuck fighting the bad version of himself or something to save the universe. So remember that when you’re watching later Trek series, all of this could suddenly be destroyed if one of them gets tired.

The City on the Edge of Forever: UHURA GETS TO GO ON AN AWAY MISSION! Aaaand she doesn’t get to do anything :/ The usual three go back in time! To the 60s again! Oh wait… that’s meant to be the 30s? Oh. That’s some tall hair that lady has for the 30s. But at least said lady is a character, she’s a little perfect but she does things, she has strong beliefs, she might be written a little idealised, but she is still written like a person compared to almost every other Kirk love interest. “He says it (captain) even when he doesn’t say it” is an interesting line. So she has to die, I still think they could’ve just convinced her that you don’t make friends with fascists but ok. They never say what the Clark Gable movie is.

Operation Annihilate! Kirk’s brother dies, and so does his sister in law, leaving his nephew without parents. This is never resolved and the episode ends with them laughing about how Spock got his eyesight back.