#like i'm friends with all of my roomates we get along great but im like

[theclearblue]

2024 resolution is to spend more time in my living room/kitchen and get over my fear of being Percieved by the people I live with.

[flowerslightning]

(Part 2) Cloud Strife and his Mental Illness

a.k.a Psychiatric Disorder

| 1. Memory | ⇦ Click if u havent read it yet

2. Hallucinations, Illusions and Delusions

Since these three things relate well with Cloud's troubled memories, I'll be talking about them first before jumping to his Confused Personality

This post will bore u a bit or maybe a lot 😂 it depends. If ure interested with psychiatric stuff, u'll find this enjoyable as much as i do

Disclaimer : I'm 21 and still a tiny meany student. During my intern at Psychiatric Department, I learned and witnessed psychiatric problems from real life patients. And since Cloud (my fav FF character) has psychiatric issues, I'll be sharing some of my knowledge and interpretation of Cloud's character. Im not diagnosing him, rather i'm giving my own opinion about his status

@nibelheiim created a post about dissociation, she explained about hallucination, PTSD and more. Come and check her out! Her words were more direct and easier to understand. She explained about Psychological matter and she's a real psychology student too!

While my explanation will be more focusing on Psychiatric Topic and words used will be more complicated (with grammar errors). My facts will be based on ICD 10 and DSM-IV

A lot of people were confused with these three terms - Hallucination Illusion Delusion - These terms associated with abnormalities of perception. It is important to understand that this abnormality holds two keys; ● 1. Perception is the process of becoming aware of what is presented through the sense organs. ● 2. Imagery is an experience originating within the mind that usually lacks the sense of reality that is part of perception.

Abnormalities of perceptions have 4 theme, but I'll be focusing on two major types that relate with Cloud: (i) Hallucinations ; (ii) Illusions. Some cases, perception can be normal in intensity and quality but has a changed meaning for the person who experiences it - it is called as Delusional Perception. It is not an abnormal of perceptions, rather it is a disorder of a person's thinking.

Try guessing, how many from these terms does Cloud has?

1. Hallucinations

- A perception experienced in the absence of external stimulus to the corresponding sense organ. Eg - patient hears a voice when no one is speaking within a hearing distance or patient sees something approaching him when visually no one is there. There are 2 qualities to determine a hallucination: ●it is experienced as a true perception●it seems to come from outside of the head●

The above gif, where Sephiroth suddenly appear again before Cloud's eyes even able to touch Aerith's shoulder, it illustrate perfectly the 'Visual Hallucination'. No one can see Sephiroth, other than Cloud himself.

Cloud [Remake] kinda had anxiety when he stared at the fire and later he saw Sephiroth surrounded with flames, then poof, that silver guy disappeared along with the images of fire. He said he was hallucinating stuff after the first bombing mission. Idk how Sephiroth could create fake images of fire around him, either Cloud was really hallucinating or it was really Sephiroth that came to see him. But, this is what we call as 'Visual and Auditory Hallucinations'. Cloud SAW Sephiroth and HEARD him talking when no one else did. I can also add in 'Tactile Hallucination' because he probably felt the burning sensation on his skin from the flame around him that caused him to feel hot and sweating, or probably it was his anxiety that caused him sweating upon meeting Sephiroth with the flashback of his burning hometown

Hallucinations can occur in all sensory modalities; visual, olfactory, auditory etc. In the Remake, the Whispers could only be seen by certain people. To those who couldnt see it, they would be puzzled what was happening to u, and would've thought that u were hallucinating something, like in the case of Aerith.

In Cloud's case, perhaps Cloud [In OG] had auditory hallucination due to his severe case of Mako Addiction. But then, that wasnt exactly a hallucination though, cuz the thing he said "'Coming.. They're coming" was actually true. A monster fell from the sky.

Other 'hallucinations' that Cloud had was the images of Sephiroth that appeared in certain headache. Cloud may claimed it was his hallucinations, but i've read it somewhere that says it was really Sephiroth appeared before his eyes. Sephiroth was messing with Cloud's mind, trying to break his mental in order to control him. However, IF IT WASNT SEPHIROTH that came, Cloud's 'hallucination' would be known as a mental disorder that may lead to severe case - eg Schizophrenia.

2. Illusions

An illusion is a misperception of an external stimulus. It often occur in several circumstances: (i)level of sensory stimulation reduced (ii)attention is not focused on the sensory modality (iii)level of consciousness reduced (iv)being in a state of intense emotion- fear.

Does Cloud has it? Urm, maybe? Well, it can be proven when he saw his 'noisy neighbour next door' as Sephiroth. As stated above, illusions occur in 4 conditions, and Cloud was in number (i) and (iv). When Tifa yelled him to stop, Cloud came back to reality and got really confused when the 'Sephiroth' that attacked him was actually a sick guy. We can also add in 'Hallucinations of Deep sensation' in this scenario bcause Cloud experienced the feelings of being pushed down by 'Sephiroth'.

However, we all know that 'Sephiroth' was real at that moment. For Cloud, he thought it was an illusion, but for us the audience, it was a real thing.

If u want a better explanation and example, try watching Joker the movie. The main theme of the movie was 'mental illness'. There are lots of scenes that shows different type of hallucinations, illusions and also personality disorder.

3. Delusions

a.k.a fixed false belief. A belief that is held firmly despite evidence contrary. A delusion is nearly always a false belief but not always so. There are around 11 types of delusions according to the book. Half of it may suggest Shcizophrenia. Schizophrenia is certainly not in Cloud's case. I've studied one by one the type of delusions and none of them match with Cloud FF7.

I will surely give anyone a good punch in the face if they dare to say Cloud suffers from Schizophrenia. I've met with bunch of patients having it, and the way they see this world is totally different from us.

In some other cases, eg a spiritualist convince a person to believe in his spiritualism and he present with contrary evidence to the non-believer. This non-delusional belief is called 'overvalued ideas'

Overvalued ideas is an isolated , preoccupying and strongly held belief that dominates a person's life and may affect his action. One of the easiest example i can come up with; a friend who had skin cancer may be convinced to her roomate that cancer is contagious, and her roomate suspects any abnormal skin conditions she has is an evidence to show she too, may have developed the same cancer, when the truth is, she's just completely fine.

It is very hard to distinguish between a delusion and overvalued ideas.

I had a patient, he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. He looked like an ordinary man, but when he talked, it sounded so unreal. He said he had jumped off from 10th floor several times and didnt get a scratch from it. He believed he wont die bcause he had gained super power. He even convinced me to try his 'so-called-secret technique- on how to survive a jump. By doing that often, I will have a superpower like him - a strong physical body. Up until now, I still dont know if he was being deluded with his thought or he was overvalued his idea, bcause from his psychiatric record, he did try to jump off from the second floor of his apartment's balcony a few times.

So, Im not really sure of myself did Cloud [FF7] really had delusion or not. Well, he believed he made it to SOLDIER bcause he had mako eyes. But was it something we called as delusion or was he just overvaluing his idea? He didnt know the truth and his memory messed up. No one could explain to him why he had Mako eyes, except Prof Hojo and Zack who knew the truth

Besides, after Tifa helped with his memory, Cloud accepted the fact he wasnt in SOLDIER. For patient who deluded with their own thoughts, they hardly could believe what people told him.

However, surely Cloud [in AC] had delusions of guilt and worthlessness due to the fact that he believed he had done something shameful and sinful - the main trigger of this theme was, he got infected with Geostigma while he was searching a cure for Denzel. Cloud got depressed with the loss of Aerith and the memory of Zack death had returned, but I think he was recovering very well in that two years time skip. The moment he got Geostigma, he became deluded he was worthless and his depression kicked in again.

Hallucinations and Illusions are normal to be experienced by healthy people, but it wont be if u encounter too many hallucinations & illusions in 2 weeks time. Believe it or not, a lot of people around us are actually mentally ill bcause some of them may have excessive certain delusions, such as delusions of jealousy, grandiose delusions, nihilistic, paranoid etc. Although 'it is consider as normal' in a few circumstance, a few cases need to refer to psychologist and in severer cases, must refer to psychiatrist. If u follow Dr Phil's show, u'll see a bunch of patients have different kind of crazy delusions.

Overall from my statement above, I would conclude that since Sephiroth always appear before Cloud's eyes, this resulting Cloud to think he has both Hallucination and Illusion, when in fact, he's just a normal guy with amnesia and personality confusion. Cloud doesnt have Delusion like how many fans said, neither he has an overvalued idea, even with the evidence of Mako eyes supporting his reasoning + he's a great fighter. I will have to say that perhaps it is his brain defence mechanism that tricks his mind to believe he is a Soldier.

If only Sephiroth stop disturbing Cloud's life, it will be a lot faster to fix Cloud. Tifa alone will be the main strength to get Cloud back to normal. Ah, but this is the beauty of the game. Life wont be exciting without the presence of a beautiful villain and a love triangle (Tifa-Cloud-Sephiroth). Lol Technically I see them trying to fight for Cloud's mental health. Tifa wants to help Cloud with his mental status while Sephiroth is trying to destroy it. Lolololol

My crack theory : Sephiroth says he's going to take Cloud's most precious thing, and he ends up choosing to kill Aerith, but ofc there's another reason why Aerith got killed. But if Sephiroth kills Tifa first, I think he can take over Cloud's mind faster, because then, no one will be holding Cloud back. Honestly no one can ever will, not even Aerith. So does that mean Sephiroth doesnt know about Cloud's deepest secret or is Cloud just good at hiding his weakness?

I WILL UPDATE THE NEXT POST LATER because I've reached tumblr limit images agaiiin. The next part will be focusing about his personality - Personality Disorder

If there is any part that I've mistaken, pls correct me. I'm sorry for my english. English is not my native language, so there are plenty of grammar errors.

[najatheangel]

Hello! I saw some of the ships youre doing, and thought they were fantastic. I was wondering if I could request a date with BTS ship? I'm quiet until I get to know someone, but then I open up, and can be very funny and sarcastic. Im usually the mom friend, and I've been told I have a very calming presence, as well as give great advice, but I also love to joke around, and be playful. My ideal type is usually someone good at communication, but who knows when to let loose, and when to be serious. Someone I can have a conversation with, but also tease. I also need someone who I can trust, and can help me calm down, as I have an anxiety disorder. I'm sorry this is getting so long, I tend to ramble. I'm very cuddly, and like affection but understand when people don't. Ideally for a date, id honestly be fine with anything, but I love being outside, or watching movies, or listening to music. Id honestly just want something where we could have fun, but can still talk and get to know each other. If possible could it end with some slight smut/ fluff? I hope you're having an absolutely amazing day, and are doing well!

Hello my dear, thanks so much for telling me about yourself, I think I know exactly who I’m going to ship you you with. Your so patient, here’s your ship...

The member your going on a date with is...Taehyung

His outfit for the date: 

Your outfit for the date: 

How it all started: You’ve just bought your record player for you and your roommate to share for her 21st birthday and you were on a trip to buy some new songs to play on the record player. Your roommate was out with her boyfriend as usual which really annoys you sometimes when she has him over 3x a day having their boom boom sessions in her room every night.

You just needed a break and you preferred to spend some quality time alone shopping or walking around the beautiful city of Hong Kong admiring the scenery. Another part of you wanted to meet a special someone sometime soon. After finishing school, moving to a different country and have a small friend circle, but one thing was missing, a love interest to keep you company.

You’ve entered the local record store that was five minutes away from your apartment and the smile on your face creeped immediately when you saw that they still had your favorite artist records still in stock. You’ve ended up noticing one of your neighbors that have recently moved in walking around the store tapping his feet along the music in the store, which made you pause and stare at him with heart eyes. The neighbor’s name, you guessed it...Kim Taehyung.

He first moved in next door with his 6 other roommates to focus on his music career in South Korea with his band Bts. Your crush on him didn’t blossom until your roommate invited him over one time (since she’s dating Jeon Jungkook) to pick up her boyfriend since he was too drunk off his ass to leave. He noticed you and smiled while carrying his tired friend next door saying “I’m so sorry about him. He partied a little too hard huh?” Ever since he noticed you that day, you both would only exchange smiles and “hello” and “good nights” to each other.

After keeping your head in the clouds daydreaming about that memory, you’ve snapped out of it immediately once you noticed his hand touching yours holding the same record you were going to purchase.

Y/N: Oh my god, I’m sorry about that, you can have it. Smiles blushing handing the record to him.

Taehyung: smirks. Oh that’s alright, I was just looking anyway. I didn’t know you listen to Labrinth? His new album was amazing wasn’t it? Looks at you speechless and then looks to the side coughing. Well it was nice bumping into you here, see you around y/n...

“He’s so gorgeous, it’s now or never girl”. Those were your friends words whispering in your head. You were nervous shaking in your boots, but you knew it was time to make moves. All of a sudden your body moved on it’s own holding on to the sleeve of his jacket and he turned around immediately with wide eyes.

Taehyung: What’s wrong y/n? You can have the cd if you want, I know how much you love him..

Y/N: No no, that’s alright. Actually clears throat. I was wondering if you wanted to share that cd with me at my place and we can listen to it together?

Taehyung: Oh, actually that sounds like fun. While we’re at it, let’s eat something before we head there. Offers you to link your arm with him. Oh and don’t worry about buying that, my treat.

Y/N: Giggles linking arms with him walking towards the register. Wow if I knew this was this easy, I would’ve done this a long time ago.

The date spots: Street Food Market/Apartment

Street Food Market: After a long day of browsing in the music store, what a way to start the night with walking around trying new foods at the street food market.

Taehyung was holding your hand like it felt natural. You weren’t the best with crowds so he allowed you to cling close to him as much as possible. He preferred it that way, because little did you know, he formed a little crush on you too.

For the main course you guys taste tested different Korean BBQ and tebokki from different food stands. A lot of people were giving packs of meat out for free, because ya know He’s V from Bts.

Market Lady 1: Here my dear just take it. I appreciate all the music you’ve made it changed my life.

Market Lady Husband: Share with the special lady too, she deserves it. Here’s some veggie wraps too and cook a good meal together.

You and Taehyung look at each other flustered, but you just decided to take their offer and take some free food home.

You guys even shared some donuts together couple feeding each other. A lot of people around the market admired you two together and were hyping you up in the background.

Y/N: Taehyung, say ahh. Attempts to feed him, but teases him by biting it. Mmmm.

Taehyung: Ohh so it’s like that. Crossing his arms fake pouting. Tears the big piece of the other end of the donut eating the whole thing with cheeks stuffed. Laughs uncontrollably.

After chasing him for almost an hour around the street for that donut, you both decide to do your shopping at one more store to get matching glasses. You decide to take some mirror couple like pictures with Tae on to send to your roommate messing around.

First few pictures were cute and friendly, but the last few got flirty really fast. You and Taehyung started looking at each other completely forgetting what’s around you and starts leaning in sharing a short, but sweet kiss.

Y/N: I can’t believe you kissed me! Holding your cheeks together looking at the mirror, but Taehyung of all a sudden turns you around to face him with a serious look on your face.

Taehyung: I have to tell you something, but it has to be back at the dorm. Starts winking at you and walks out the store holding your hand all cool.

Your Apartment: Taehyung on way home has been quiet, but very cuddly against you. You didn’t exactly know what to say either after he left you speechless in the store.

You unlocked the door and immediately set down your bags putting the food in the fridge and playing the new Labrinth album on the record player.

He was leaning on the couch looking at you just in awe as you do your little dance dance to the music. He licks his lips as the tension gets thicker.

Y/N: Didn’t you have something to tell me? Your getting a little off track... Sits next to him on the couch putting your hand on his thigh.

Taehyung: chuckles Oh yeah that’s right. Instead of telling you, why don’t I just show you.

He stands up all of a sudden switching the cd on the record player to a song that he has been working on and playing it off the record player singing it to you.

He lifts your body off the couch slow dancing with you as the song almost ends. The last lyrics hit you and you start shedding tears.

You learned that all along Taehyung has had a crush on you too and have been waiting for the right moment to spend time with you. His says last words before you give him your answer.

Taehyung: Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?

Y/N: Stands on your tippy toes kissing him romantically. Yes yes 1000x yes.

The kisses slowly turn from soft to sexy real fast. He pushes you against the wall in your room sliding his hands under your shirt.

Y/N: W-wait. Let’s close the door just in case.

Taehyung: continues multitasking by kissing you and kickstart the door closed by blocking out all the noises.

Aftermath: As expected you and Taehyung tied the knot last night and he ended up laying next to you holding you on his arms. All of a sudden you hear a knock at the door and two voices of your roommate and Jungkook saying...

Roomate Jamie: Heyy y/n it’s time to get up, it’s Saturday let’s go out to eat.

She knocked two times, three times, but still no answer.

Jungkook: Jamie let’s just open the door and wake her up.

Jamie opens the door and slides the cover off your body and has the most shock look on her face when she sees Taehyung playing with your hair.

Jamie: When in the hell did this happen? Baby come in here and look at these two.

After hours of explaining how you and Taehyung ended up together, both Jamie and Jungkook screams “Finallyyy” and giggles looking at the both of you so proud.

Jungkook: So now that you both finally made it official, why don’t we start our double date today? Pats Taehyung’s back.

Taehyung: Only if my sweetheart is okay with it. Looks at you holding your hand caressing it.

Everyone looks at you anc you nod smiling. Your friends squeal all excited and hugs each other.

Jamie: Ummm, and put some clothes on you freaky little lambs. Sticks her tongue out at you.

You throw the pillow at her as she walks out the room with Jungkook leaning her head on his shoulder.

Taehyung looks at you lovingly smiling like a precious angel. All of a sudden he tickles you and gives you one last soft kiss on the lips.

Taehyung: We seriously gotta get up, they’ll get made if we’re late. Let’s take a shower together to make this faster. Wiggled his eyebrows jokingly and you hit his chest laughing.

Y/N: Fine, but you better not try to pull anything while we’re in there. Five minutes...

You both get up chasing each other in your room as he grabs your clothes and you both played with each other until it was time to go.

@kim-jias-den Thanks so much for requesting my dear. I think I’m going to go rest my hands now lol, but I hope you enjoyed this ship. ✨✨💖💖