#like if Cassian from ACOTAR was an alien

[wickedfelinaxo]

Me AF lol

[erisweekofficial]

SURPRISE! 🔥❤️‍🔥

We are SO excited to have chatted with Matthew Bassett, the voice actor for Eris Vanserra in the Graphic Audio Production of the ACOTAR series.

Read below for an Exclusive Q&A with Matt ❤️

How long have you been voice acting? How did you get started in the voice acting industry?

I’ve only really worked with Graphic Audio for voice acting, and I’ve been in their roster of actors since 2012. I’ve been a stage actor (with a tiny bit of film) since 2003, and I’ve taught acting in the Washington, DC, area since 2012. When I moved to the DC area after graduate school and started working around here, a number of actors I liked and admired kept mentioning this company that provided steady work on fun material - westerns, fantasy, sci-fi. The comic book adaptations sold me, I’m a huge comics fan. Since 2012, I’ve played countless varmints, monsters, cads, aliens, superheroes/villains, and the occasional good guy. Along with Eris, my larger roles have included voicing The Homelander in all six volumes of GA’s adaption of The Boys graphic novels and Cullen in the World of Lupi series.

Can you describe the process for being selected for the role of Eris (or any other character)? Were there auditions, callbacks, or specific criteria that led to your casting?

Graphic Audio works like a repertory acting company, in that after your initial audition, they maintain your contact information for project directors to pull from when needed. I’ve done a lot of work with Colleen Delaney, director of the ACOTAR adaptations, including several longer character arcs in multiple series, so she thought I would be a good fit for Eris based on similar characters (rogueish, but with hidden depth that is explored over time) I’ve played elsewhere. I’m glad she did! Eris has been really fun.

How did you prepare for the role of Eris in terms of understanding the character's backstory, motivations, and relationships with other characters?

Graphic Audio does a fantastic job of preparing actors and directing us through performances. Colleen sent each actor a brief but rich character description, often quoting directly from the novels, as well as providing a plot description for each specific novel (necessary since the turnaround from offer to recording is very short). During our sessions, Colleen tells me everything I need to know about where Eris has been since the last scene/book and how his relationships have evolved. GA directors also read in as “scene partners,” which, considering they are all performers themselves, makes it very easy to react as I imagine Eris would.

Eris is a complex and morally ambiguous character. What aspects of his personality did you find most challenging to convey in your performance, and how did you approach tackling those challenges?

His vulnerability is very challenging. Eris has had a hard life, despite growing up with every privilege, which is difficult to convey. He hates everyone to some extent, but it all comes from how much he hates his family and himself. The scenes with Morrigan in particular take a while to record - he has all the feelings when talking to her, but he can’t show any of them.

Did you have any creative input into how Eris's voice would sound, or was it a collaborative effort with the production team and director? Were there any specific discussions about the character's vocal tone or style?

Definitely collaborative! His basic vocal character is very close to mine, with the musicality dialed up a bit so he can taunt everyone so well. Where my director really helps is pushing me to find the different levels to his interactions - when he’s teasing (often), when he’s antagonizing (mostly with Cassian), and when he’s speaking from his heart (VERY rarely, usually to or involving Morrigan).

What actors (voice, stage, film, etc) have inspired you? And did any actors or other characters help inspire your performance for Eris?

Hoo boy. Too many to list! For something like Eris, a lot of inspiration from Tom HIddleston’s Loki, Tom Cruise’s Lestat de Lioncourt, and anything Jeremy Irons has ever done. Characters that you can’t take your eyes off of, even as you want to beat the crap out of them.

Were there any specific challenges or unique aspects to voicing Eris compared to other characters you've portrayed in the past? How did you adapt your voice to capture his essence?

Y’know, for all the dirtbags, murderers, literal monsters, aliens, and villains I’ve voiced, Eris is the one with the biggest heart. The biggest challenge is allowing him to have a deep want, hidden from even himself, for some tenderness, the one thing he has been denied his entire life. A character like Eris is easy to just have fun with and play as a smug prick (which he is), but he has moments of aching loneliness that make him much richer. SPOILER: One of my most recent favorite moments was playing Eris’ surprise and gratitude when receiving a “made” dagger for safekeeping. Eris can’t fathom trusting anyone else with something so powerful and important, because he simply wasn’t shown that level of trust or respect. The moment took him by such surprise. It was great to let myself feel that in the playing.

Do you have any advice for aspiring voice actors who are considering pursuing a career in Voice Acting? Any tips for breaking into the business and honing their craft?

Train your voice! I received excellent vocal training as part of my MFA (Master of Fine Arts) in Acting at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. I learned how to care for my vocal health, how to support with my breath, and how to modulate the dynamics of my voice for character differentiation as well as basic performance beats. You may not have the inclination for that level of training, but a regular voice lesson with a singing coach will give you similar techniques. In terms of breaking in: like anything of this nature, it’s relationships. Build a strong resume, but also build strong relationships with your collaborators and a reputation for reliability. Directors know that I’ll prepare so that I can make strong initial choices, but that I am more than happy to adjust my choices as needed to make the overall production its best.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Barbarian Bat: Part One

A/N: It's everyone's favorite day of @nessianweek aka AU Day! And I'm taking everyone to Not-Hoth for it ;) That's right. It's the Ice Planet Barbarians and ACOTAR crossover that literally nobody asked for. Unfortunately, I didn't finish it all in time for Nessian Week, but hopefully, everyone enjoys this first part :) Also, I jokingly named this document Barbarian Bat in my files because I thought it was funny, but then I realized I accidentally matched the actual names of the series in a way (aka Barbarian Lover, Barbarian Mate, Barbarian Mine etc. etc.) so I decided to keep it.

Read on AO3 // Next Part

Nesta just barely swallows down a sigh, curling her knees tight against her chest. She watches across the cave at the way Feyre is curled up beside Rhysand, watches the way he has an arm so casually slung behind her back like it’s the most natural thing in the world, watches the way he leans down to say something quietly and makes Feyre laugh. It’s so comfortable, so easy, Feyre stepping so seamlessly into the role of the Chief’s mate as if the Mother herself predestined it. As if everything that happened, that they went through, is nothing more than a distant memory that led to this moment, this happiness.

Feyre turns her head, tilting her chin up so that she can kiss Rhysand, and Nesta has to look away. Her gaze flits instead around the rest of the cave, to the other human women and sa-khui sat around and in the hot spring that takes up most of the space at the center of the cave. Everyone is chatting or smiling, and Nesta presses her knees that little bit tighter against her chest, digs her nails in that little harder into her arms. She just doesn’t understand how everyone can be so normal. How everyone can act like this whole thing is normal.

“Hello, Nes.”

Nesta snaps her head to the right, finding Cassian standing there, his dark, curly hair falling around his face for once, around the horns twisting up and back. He folds his long legs to settle into the seat beside her, offering her one of his easy smiles that tugs the left side of his lips up higher than the right, that shows off his fanged canines.

“What do you want?” Nesta asks, hoping her cool, clipped tone will scare him off the way the rest of the sa-khui have steered clear of her. Unsurprisingly, Cassian’s grin only seems to grow, his glowing eyes almost seeming to glint.

“I brought you some meat,” Cassian explains, holding out his hands and showing off the food in question. “I have burned it the way you humans like.”

Nesta rolls her eyes and turns away from him. “I’m not hungry.”

Cassian is silent for a moment, and when Nesta chances a glance back toward him, he’s frowning in confusion. “You must be. You have not eaten at all today.”

“What? Are you watching me?”

“Yes.”

Nesta scoffs at that. If there’s one thing these aliens are terrible at, it’s reading a room. She decides not to deem him with a response, hoping that with her extended silence, he’ll finally take a hint and leave her alone. Instead, she focuses on the steam that curls off the hot spring, watching as it floats and dances through the air before vanishing.

“Are you sick? Should I ask Madja to speak with your khui?” Cassian continues when Nesta doesn’t answer. He reaches a hand up toward her face, but Nesta is quick to smack it away before his fingers can make contact against her skin.

“Don’t touch me.”

Cassian shifts so he’s kneeling in front of Nesta. It blocks her view of everyone else in the cave, but it shields her from any prying gazes too. It’s their own bubble, their own cocoon cast by the wide set of his shoulders. His face is pinched with concern, eyes watching her face in that unnerving way of his. Something in that stare has always had Nesta swearing that he could see through her in a way no one ever has, swearing that he could somehow see all the way down to her soul. From the moment Nesta met Cassian back on the crashed ship, that stare had her hackles raising, had her building her defensive walls that little bit thicker, that little bit taller.

“Are you well, Nes?” Cassian asks, his voice quiet and just for her.

Nesta almost wants to laugh at the question, at the absurdity of the notion of her ever being alright. How could anyone be alright after being kidnapped by aliens right from the safety of their bed? She's not sure she'll ever forget the feeling of waking up in a literal cage on that ship. She'll never forget the sight of both her sisters huddled together, both still in their night things and Elain silently crying. She'll never forget the fear that gripped her when Feyre, stubborn and determined as ever, decided to brave the snow of the unknown planet around them. She was sure that she'd never see her youngest sister again, watching her climb out of the safety of what remained of the cargo hold of the spaceship.

She sees it all every time she closes her eyes. She feels the cold metal biting into her skin through the thin material of her sleep shorts. She hears the hum of the engines as they flew through space, hears the clicks of those weird basketball head aliens. She feels that roiling fear twisting in her gut, tastes the tang of failure at the back of her tongue when she realized it wasn't just her but her sisters too that were going to suffer, that she couldn't save them.

Even now, even in this cave supposedly surrounded by aliens who say they only want to help, who swear they'll protect Elain and Feyre, Nesta can't shake that feeling. It still makes her pulse jump. Still makes her stomach twist and turn. Still has bile crawling up the back of her throat. Still makes her chest feel tight enough that it takes active effort to breathe in and out.

So, Nesta lets out a derisive snort, keeping her tone cold and cruel. “Are you fucking with me? I was thrown onto an alien planet covered in snow, and I have this stupid blue alien that never shuts up, that can’t take a hint and leave me alone, and you want to know if I’m well?”

Cassian continues to frown at her, and Nesta wonders if she’s finally hit the mark to drive him away, if she’s finally crossed the line. Wonders if he’ll give up on her now, grow tired of the effort and decide to cut his losses and walk away. She hates the way her heart gives a squeeze at the prospect, quickly squashing that feeling back down.

Rather than hear what Cassian might have to say, Nesta pushes up to her feet and walks away, pointedly ignoring the way she can feel Cassian’s stare prickling along her spine the whole way. She heads for the bathroom, ready to unwind for the evening and take refuge away from any more annoying aliens with piercing stares and concerned words in her personal cave, but when Nesta pulls down her pants, a small, quiet ping draws her attention.

She bends forward, squinting down at the ground in confusion, when she sees the culprit of the sound. Her blood runs cold, a ringing taking up home in her ears and her chest starting to heave with panicked breaths. Her fingers tremble as she reaches down and picks it up.

It’s an IUD.

It’s her IUD, the one thing that’s been keeping her from resonating with anyone.

“Fuck,” Nesta mutters to herself, her heart starting to thunder between her ribs.

Nesta tries to take a deep, calming breath in, but the air stutters in her lungs, catching on the lump pressing in around her throat. She curls her palm around the tiny device, her grip tight enough that her fingers bite into her skin, but just that small shock of pain is somehow grounding. She can’t let the panic get to her. She merely needs to come up with a plan, with her next steps.

The next breath that Nesta takes in is much more steady, and with a decided nod, she steps back out into the intricate cave system. Thankfully, there’s no one around and she’s able to slip back to her personal cave without running into anyone. She quickly slides the privacy screen into place, stepping over to the side of the cave where her furs are laid out. She grabs a pack and starts to stuff her spare leathers inside, tying a pair of snow-shoes to the straps before she stashes it in the corner out of sight.

And then she waits.

Nesta climbs beneath her furs and rolls over so her back is to the cave entrance. She keeps her focus on the wall instead, on keeping her breathing slow to give the illusion that she’s asleep. She’s not sure how much time passes before she hears light, lilting laughter just outside the cave, hears the deep rumble of a response. The privacy screen slides aside and Gwyn steps inside, quiet rustling coming from the other side of the cave as she slips beneath her own furs.

Despite the quiet that settles through their cave, Nesta can still hear the sounds of others in the main cave, but soon that dies down too. And then, just to be safe, she begins to count. She counts all the way up to a thousand before she finally sits up and pushes her furs down her legs. Keeping her movements slow, careful, she rolls her furs up, pausing periodically and glancing back toward Gwyn’s sleeping form. When her furs are gathered, she grabs her pack again, adding the furs and sliding the straps over her shoulders.

She pulls the privacy screen away from the cave entrance inch by slow inch, each scrape along the stone floor too loud in the silent cave and causing her to whip her head back around to check on Gwyn. When there’s finally enough space, she sticks her head out to check everything really is clear. The area around their cave is all empty; although it’s not all quiet. Nesta can hear one of the other women having an exciting end to her evening, and she rolls her eyes. At least, she can use it to her advantage, fully stepping out of the cave and carefully sliding the privacy screen back in place behind her.

She keeps to the walls, to the shadows, as she moves toward the main cave. Her steps are light but quick, and soon, the entrance is in sight. Freedom is in sight. Nesta spies two aliens on guard and standing between her and said freedom, Balthazar and some other name she can’t remember, but they seem to be invested in some sort of game that involves dice carved from bone.

It’s now or never clearly.

Holding her breath and keeping her eyes on the two aliens the whole time, Nesta makes a break for the cave entrance. It’s only when she steps outside that she finally releases the breath in relief, but she doesn’t waste any more time. She grabs her snowshoes and straps them onto her boots, readjusting her pack against her back and marching through the snow. Her steps are slow moving with the way her feet still sink in with every step, but her determination is stronger. She squints up at the sky, at the two moons glowing amongst the inky blacks and purples and tries to remember the way. They had passed a thick forest of trees, or what counts as trees on this godsforsaken planet, and there was—

“Nes!”

Nesta’s whole body freezes up at the sound of that nickname, at the sound of that familiar voice. She decides that she’ll just ignore him. Maybe, he’ll just assume that she’s going for an evening stroll, that she’s just getting some fresh air, and he’ll leave her alone. Of course, she should have known better when it comes to Cassian. Should have known that with his long legs, it would take him only a few strides to catch up with her.

“Nes, what are you doing?” Cassian’s grin falls away as he takes in her pack. “Where are you going?”

“I’m fine,” Nesta snaps, continuing to trudge forward through the snow. “Just leave me alone.”

“You should not be out here at night. It is dangerous.”

“I said I’m fine. I’m just going to the spaceship, the Elder’s Cave, whatever the fuck you call it.”

“Come back inside. We can go in the morning.”

“No,” Nesta argues. She can feel panic beginning to well up in her chest, digging in its claws and clogging her throat. “You don’t understand. I have to…”

Nesta’s words trail off as a strange sort of vibrating starts to take up home between her ribs, sending warmth ricocheting through Nesta’s veins all the way down to her toes. The hum even reaches her ears, seeming to grow faster, louder with each passing second. It’s somehow unsettling and leaves her feeling comforted at the same time, and Nesta is about to ask Cassian if he hears it too when she notices the way his eyes widen. The way he presses a hand to his chest, that odd humming seeming to echo from him too, a response to her own.

Realization of what’s happening hits Nesta like a bucket of ice water, that warm feeling vanishing quickly into icy dread. She swears that she’s going to be sick, her stomach twisting and roiling as she and Cassian continue to resonate with one another. This can’t be happening. She refuses to let this happen.

“No no no,” Nesta mutters, already shaking her head and backing away from him. Her snowshoe gets stuck with the movement and sends her stumbling backwards. Cassian’s hands reach out to her, but almost on instinct, Nesta’s entire body flinches. “Don’t touch me.”

Cassian’s expression looks pained, but slowly he reaches a single hand palm up toward her. “I just wish to help you up.”

Nesta can feel heat start to creep up her neck, but she swallows it back down. She settles her hand in Cassian’s, allowing him to pull her up and back onto her feet. As soon as she’s steady, he drops her hand and takes a pointed step back, giving her space, and Nesta hates the way her heart squeezes and swells at the gesture. Words twist and clog in the back of her throat, pressing and desperate for release, but she swallows them down and wraps her arms around herself.

“Are you going to make me go back inside now?” Nesta asks instead, staring Cassian down, daring him. “Lock me away in your cave?”

“No,” Cassian tells her, and Nesta’s shoulders slump in relief. “But only if you tell me why you wish to go to the Elder Cave so urgently.”

Nesta considers lying to him, considers making up some easy excuse, but she has a strong suspicion that Cassian would see straight through it. “There’s a… device that I have from earth. It’s what kept me from resonating, from having a mate, until now. It’s fallen out, and I need to go to the spaceship because it has a machine that can… put it back in basically.”

“And that’s what you want? To have it put back and to stop resonating.”

“Well, I certainly don’t want to be resonating right now.”

Cassian is quiet for a moment, and Nesta can do nothing but watch as a muscle in his jaw ticks beneath the moonlight. He turns his face away from her, gaze searching across the snow banks, and when he finally looks back at her, there’s something different about his expression, something colder, more closed off. Since the moment that Nesta has met him, there’s always been a warmth to Cassian, an easy openness that’s been a bit terrifying, especially when it’s directed at her, but now, it’s as if his own walls have risen and slid into place.

“Then I will escort you to the Elder Cave,” Cassian finally says. “I just need to grab a pack.”

Cassian turns and starts to move back toward the cave entrance, but Nesta steps forward and reaches out instinctively. “Wait! Will…” She takes a moment to swallow hard. “Will they know? That we resonated? They can't know, Cassian.”

“Almost the entire tribe is already asleep,” Cassian explains, not bothering to turn and look at her, his shoulders tense. “And if you stay out here and wait for me, then our khuis should be silent for now.”

“Okay…”

“Just stay here and wait for me.” Cassian finally turns to look at her again, a flicker of desperation dancing across his face. “Please.”

When Nesta doesn’t say anything else, when she doesn’t move, Cassian jogs the rest of the way to the entrance of the cave, and Nesta watches as he vanishes inside. A breeze blows past her, a shiver skittering its way up her spine, and she wraps her arms tighter around herself to fight off the chill. She glances out toward the expanse of snow around her, the light of the two moons bouncing off the crystalized flakes and leaving everything with an almost eerie glow. It’s unnerving, the quiet and the dark, and while Nesta would never admit it aloud, she’s suddenly glad that Cassian will be traveling with her.

As though her very thoughts have summoned him, the sound of a deep voice prickles her ears. The sounds of multiple deep voices. Nesta whips her attention back toward the cave entrance, her stomach dropping when she sees not just Cassian but Azriel standing there. They stop just outside the cave entrance, too far away for Nesta to hear what they’re saying, but it’s clear what, or whom, the topic of conversation is from the way Azriel’s gaze darts toward her.

Nesta waits for them to approach her. Waits for Cassian to announce their journey isn’t happening. Waits for Azriel to tell her to come back inside the cave. She considers what would happen if she refuses, if she decides to take her chances and see how far she can get trekking through the snow. But before she can even take a step, Cassian and Azriel are clasping forearms, Azriel turning and vanishing back inside the cave.

Nesta watches warily as Cassian walks back over to her. She tries to read his expression, tries to look for any sort of clue about what was said between him and Azriel, but Cassian keeps his face decidedly blank. It’s odd not seeing that teasing smirk he always directs at her, the wrongness of it all clanging through Nesta hard enough that she has to look away.

“What was that about?” Nesta asks once Cassian is close enough. “What did Azriel want?”

“Do not worry about it,” Cassian dismisses, tugging her pack off her shoulders and slinging it alongside the one on his own. “It’s this way.”

Something about his tone, about the way he starts to walk away from her through the snow without even a glance back, has her anger flaring. Those flames lick across her skin and leave her blood simmering. She’s been itching for a fight for a while now, pushing down the urge to let it all boil over, to release her claws, but she gives in to that feeling now. Clenching her fists at her side, she whirls around, storming after Cassian through the snow.

“So, what? Now you’re mad you have to escort me?” Nesta calls after him. “Did you forget that I didn’t ask you to? I was perfectly fine on my own.”

Cassian stops walking, turning back to face her, his tone dripping with a dry sort of sarcasm that Nesta didn’t know the sa-khui were capable of, as he drawls, “sorry I thwarted your wish to get eaten by a snow-cat.”

“You have no idea what I wish,” Nesta seethes, daring to step closer until they’re toe to toe.

“I know that you do not wish to be mates. You have made that perfectly clear.”

The words hang in the air between them, carried away on the night breeze. The world is quiet around them, nothing except their heaving breaths as Nesta glares up at him, Cassian meeting her stare head-on, a twin flame to meet her own blazing through his eyes. But it’s Cassian that breaks away first, taking a step back and readjusting the two packs slung across his backs before he continues the trek through the snow.

“It’s this way.”

—

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[nikethestatue]

“SJM had multiple opportunities to include Elain and didn’t” WOW that hit me so hard. It’s so true. EVEN IF we gave SJM the biggest benefit of the doubt that Elain is currently off doing some sort of task that we’re going to see in ACOTAR, where she literally could not make one appearance in the crossover, I still think SJM should’ve at least had someone mention her in some meaningful capacity. Maybe Amren saying to Rhys when they’re questioning Bryce, “Perhaps ask El—“ and rhys saying “no, get Nesta”. Maybe Nesta lets something slip about her sister-because she let a ton of other things slip that azriel had to tell her to stop talking about. Maybe Azriel tenses when she does. Just SOME mention to indicate Elain is next to readers. I know we can draw conclusions from Azriel listening intently to Nesta saying she now enjoys being fae, him looking at truth teller when talking about Nesta beheading the King, and him being snappish when the question of mates comes up. But it’s just not enough in my opinion. I know I should be celebrating because Gwynriel seems dead and the ACOTAR announcement is so extremely close. But I can’t help but feel incredibly annoyed at SJM.

Yesh, I feel like it was another hack re-write job. Where was Cassian? Where was Feyre? Elain? Like Cassian was just okay with Nesta going under Hewn City with an alien? Feyre seems to have NO voice in anything that's happening at all. Somehow, Amren is acting like a High Lady, not Feyre.

If SJM wanted to do a proper crossover, she should've done it as a novella.

it's not an obligation that she can only put out one book every 1.5 years. She used to write one book a year. She could've written a 300 page novella dealing with Bryce in Prythian, and then wrote a full CC book without compromising on characters and storylines.

She could've done a lot of things, she could've set up the next ACOTAR book much better, and she ddint do any of it.

[readychilledwine]

About CoParents:

Warning- Long post, and my thoughts are a little jumbled

I got accused of racism today over my Co Parents drabble featuring Eris and Cassian. I was also accused of alienating Cassian from his daughter, forcing her to grow up in a place known for racism and prejudice, ect.

And I just need to talk about it.

To address the alienation- I based the relationship between Cassian, Eris, and babygirl off of one I see in my everyday life between my partner's brother, his daughter, her momma and her significant other.

In my real life- Momma has primary custody of their daughter, and she has been with her significant other since their daughter was about 7 months old. She is 4 and views both of them as daddy. She gets sad when she leaves her "home dad" and mom. But that sadness is quickly gone as soon as she is with bio daddy (partner's brother.)

I based the communications and exchange on what I've watched between the two men in my life. The babygirl in my life is happy, healthy, loves both of her daddies equally, but like all Littles who have adult feelings, but do not know how to express them, she gets a little sad because she knows she'll miss mom and dad, even if she's super excited to also see biodaddy, and she cries leaving biodaddy to go back home. We've ALL worked our asses off ensuring she has healthy home lives, support from all of us, and she knows how loved, wanted, and supported she is (and she does.) I do not see a few little tears during an exchange as a sign of alienating a parent.

I also tried to make it clear she sees Cassian. The updates Eris gave him are SMALL. (She likes hot chocolate before bed now. Potty issues a lot of littles struggle with.) Eris calls Cassian her dad, which is NOT something people alienating a parent does. Eris told Cassian he had no doubts Cassian would take good care of her over the next 2 weeks, which is a sign of Eris supporting Cassian as a father. I had planned on doing the exchange back with Cassian in Autumn, returning babygirl to the reader, and meeting the babe.

But now we head into the racism part.

Being accused of being racist is a lingering ick, and I can't shake it.

I am active in organizations that work with BIPOC on educating people on racism, discrimination, and privilege. I work with law enforcement, medical, and fire teams regarding race sensitivity education. I am the dispatcher who also handles empathy training in our department. I pride myself on being sensitive, empathic, and educated on signs of racism and microaggressions.

I want to apologize if Co Parents came off that way to someone else, though. I want to apologize to anyone who may have been offended. It was not my intent at all as the writer, and genuinely, if I hurt you, I am sorry.

I'm debating on deleting Co Parents and being done with writing acotar characters as parents, especially in Coparenting situations and blended houses. I never want to feel as icky as I do right now, I will not be writing a follow-up to it if it does stay up, and I'm going to be done with the dynamic to prevent this from happening again.

I do also want to add-

I am fine with discussing and taking criticism for my writing. If it turns into a debate, though, and "let's agree to disagree," has been said by both of us, but it still turns into more digging and backhanded attacks, I make no promises I won't block you.. I want my blog to be a safe haven for myself and my followers. I won't allow someone to attack any of you or me here. I don't appreciate that at all. I was going to allow the comments to sit, but there's a line, and I felt it was crossed in this situation.

I don't know, friends. Feeling pretty icky.

[cassianandfenrysaremyboyos]

Thank you so much for answering!:) I don’t mind being spoiled, I even want it because I have no interest in reading a whole series that I don’t want just because there is SADLY a crossover… can you maybe shortly explain what happens in CC2 with the acotar characters? Like, do they have a short appearance or more? Thanks a lot!:)

Totally understandable that you don't want to have to read a whole other series. That's a part of why I'm not the biggest fan of the crossover, it's fine for me cause I read both series, but I think it's alienating to Acotar only and CC only readers who don't want to, or aren't interested in having to read another series of pretty hefty books, but I digress

Anyway yeah I can totally try my best to summarise what happens at the end of CC2 as simply as possible for you.

Ok so basically Bryce, the main character of CC, lives in a world called Midgard, which is ruled over by these beings called the Asteri. Bryce finds out that these beings are kinda evil and have a history of taking over other worlds and subjugating them.

So in order to save her world from them Bryce opens a portal to travel to another world to get help from another CC character named Aidas. Aidas is a prince of Hel and lives in a hel dimension (but is actually a pretty alright guy?). Anyway instead of travelling to his world Bryce ends up in the Acotar world, in Prythian. In fact right on Feysands "immaculately" mowed lawn lol at the river house. Anyway Az finds her and takes her to another location. He literally picks her up and throws her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and lets out a sigh while doing it, like finding this poor lost crying woman on the front lawn is such an inconvenience to him lmao (this specific info is irrelevant for the summary but I just find it really funny so had to mention it!) Anyway Amren, Cassian, Nesta, Rhys and Feyre all show up to see who this strange woman who landed on their lawn is, and then the book ends on a cliffhanger!

Would probably just be easier to read the last chapter of CC2. It's only like 10 pages long and will give you all of the Acotar cameo in much better detail then I just did lol

[aayo-whatt]

tagged by @herefortears thanks sm lovie, i love tag games

Your name: i typically go by 'aayo' online, but sometimes it's 'lucinda' (either or i don't mind-)

Your first fandom(s): uhh, in all honesty either Haikyuu, Harry Potter, or mcyt stuff- i honestly don't remember it was so long ago-

Your current fandom(s): Supernatural, Merlin, ACOTAR, TWD, Stranger Things, Throne of Glass, TGS, POTC, OUAT, Haikyuu and MHA

How did you first get into fandom? I've honestly got no idea- uhh, i just started watching/reading a bunch of series and one day i got bored and went searching (online) for someone i could rant to about everything, and who would understand what im going on about- (totally didn't started on wattpad-)

How long have you been engaging in fandom spaces? hmm, minimum five years, but it was really scattered and i didnt do much in the early days

How often do you read fanfics? not often enough, i try to read as many as i can, though i can almost never find the time to

Top three characters from your current fandom(s): Supernatural: gabriel, gadreel, charlie Merlin: gwaine, gwen, and merlin ACOTAR: helion, cassian (pfp), tarquin/mor TWD: glenn, maggie/carl, negan Stranger Things: robin, dustin, erica (OR eddie) Throne of Glass: fenrys, dorian, lysandra/aedion (cant choose 😭😭) TGS: rachel, hyde and lanyon for sure POTC: sobbing, i havent watched this in ages (minimum 5 years) i can barely remember these people- OUAT: regina, hook and henry Haikyuu: sakusa, suna anddd either tsumu or bokuto MHA: kaminari, kirishima, sero

Have you ever written fic for a fandom? God yes. So many that were so cringe and got abandoned, and even more that have never been published.

Have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? Yes. Never posted, but yes.

Share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: aedion has the manliset man bun you've ever seen there's more, but that's a big one for me

You’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? idek- smth that either made me laugh so hard i nearly peed myself, smile so much my face hurt for hours afterward, want to punch [character/writer/director/whatever name] in the face so many times, or made me cry so much i could barely get out of bed days later

And finally, what does fandom mean to you? hmm, being able to all caps rant to someone about this thing you hated/loved in a fandom, or just being accepted by a group of people/person who you might not know irl, but consider family/really really good friends like holy fuck we're besties, i want to marry you platonically and we can adopt all of our blorbos even from fandoms we dont share we can all be one absolutely massive family that puts the fun in dysfunctional

(no pressure) tagging @aliens-took-my-iwa-chan @reverie-starlight @gay-destiel and anyone who'd want to join!

[vidalinav]

Okay one last rant-y piece...

Does any one else feel like the characters are getting more generic every book?

Like I miss the Feyre from ACOTAR that seemed too wild and chaotic and high strung, and honestly was so inexperienced that I was like what the hell are you doing?

I miss Nesta who gave no fucks and served looks that killed. People being immediately afraid of her or intimated and Nesta who sat back and was like “good.” 

I miss Elain who was just a genuinely good person, who just really believed in the world almost to the point where she was a fairytale princess, but not because she was the most beautiful but because she had hope and a good heart. 

I loved when they were the extreme versions of their trope. I miss when they had very distinct personalities, ideas, perspectives. They were interesting. Three very didn’t Archerons. 

I miss when Lucien was hilarious and snarky. 

I miss when Cassian was just so genuine and pitiable. 

I miss Rhys when he was allowed to be the bad guy, and the narrative didn’t shove the fact that he’s the good guy down our throats every second. 

I miss when Mor was both giddy and extremely bubbly, and then when she was extremely bitchy. I liked that contrast. 

I want to go back to pre-ACOFAS days, where I had so much hope. 

Now... they all just seem like the same bland characters being rehashed. Nesta got more like Feyre and less like Nesta. Feyre got more one-dimensional. Elain got less genuine, and more skewed, but is still less interesting than when she was just good. Rhys isn’t allowed to be morally grey. Cassian isn’t a sweetheart who tries harder than everyone else and is just in need of a really long hug and some one to stick up for him. Mor... I don’t know even know who she is. Lucien is just sad boy in the corner over there with a funny hat, some character just pointing and laughing at some point in the book. None of the IC assert their own personality, they all submit, and that’s it. Over and over. They all have the same opinion about all the same people. Snooze fest. 

Where are the characters I liked? Where did they go? Can I have them back please? They may have annoyed me, but they were annoying like a little brother or sister. I was fond of them and now... I’m like who are you people? You’ve been replaced by aliens. Clones of who you used to be. 

***And it’s not trauma, please don’t comment that, some one always comments that. That they act this way because they’re healing from a war. This book is not realistic regarding even simpler trauma than what would be the ramifications of a fantasy war. Please let’s stop acting like this book accurately displays trauma well. We know why these characters are getting less interesting every book... getting less like themselves as when they were introduced. We know why!!!! We know! 

But I’m bitter none the less. 

[slutsofren]

saw your put 3 names and number reblog, so if it isn't too much (since i asked for a lot of numbers, and even made a mini song to remember the numbers i asked for in my head 🤧😭)

2, 3, 4, 8, 10 for the batboys?

THESE ONES ARE SO FUNNY AHHHHH

2: fist fight, get drunk with, share a flat with

i'd want to fight rhysand, i think he would be a dirty fighter and pull my hair but then i'd just bite him and we'd end up having rough sex sOOO. i'd like to get drunk with cassian. we could go to a fancy bar- get shitfaced and loud and get kicked out and banned together, it would be perfect in my opinion. finally, i'd love to share a flat with az, i think he would be organized enough and we'd have a lot of fun decorating and buying plants together and naming them :^)))

3: fight aliens with, fight zombies with, fight capitalism with

oooh okay okay so aliens and rhysand because could you IMAGINE his nagging and disgust?? zombies with cassian, he gets a spiked bat and i'd take dual knives and we would look so hot!! and azriel and capitalism. like c'mon the man grew up poor and received the worst of the worst from his semi-rich father. we would go to protests and egg senators ;)

4: write a book with, read a book to, hit with a book

i think between my writing and az's imagination, we could create a hell of a book. i'd love to read a book to cassian, maybe that's how we'd relax after training and before bed!! finally, hit rhy's with a book. i mean. it's already been done before ;)))

8: share a car with, share a bank account with, share a cake with

i'd wanna share a car with cassian, i think he would take a lot of pride in the upkeep so he's already hella responsible in that regard lol because i am NOT. share a bank account with rhys- i meeaann. and sharing cake with az, he obviously has a sweet tooth <3

10: netflix and chill with, go ice-skating with, play dodgeball against

AZ oh gods, az would be the best at netflix and chill if you catch my drift!! go ice-skating with rhysand because i feel like he would be patient with me and not make me feel self-conscious. and finally play dodgeball against cassian because he can take a hit or two teehee

thank you for the ask my dearest!! sending you love <3

send me three names (acotar bat boys preferred) and a number!

only numbers available are 1, 6, and 9!

[maevelin]

I have no objections with people liking Nesta but I don't understand why people would ever want Cassian to get with a woman like Nesta. He deserves someone better than anyone that is set on demeaning him. He is lighthearted and a good person. He deserves better.

Sigh…you got me in quite a mood dear anon so deep breath and rant ahead.

You have been warned.

So...I never understood the concept of love being a reward for someone’s ‘good’ form, character or behavior. And I am not even going to get into the whole glamorization of love as an emotion and the concept that is something solely good and pure and only ‘good’ people and certain ‘characters’ and ‘snowflakes’ experience it or should experience it.

I will stand on something different though.

People are not objects and trophies and prizes that one should get for being good and for deserving ‘better’ (and BTW, I will get to that too in a while).

Relationships are not about deserving and about perfection and about what works on paper. Relationships can come in many forms and bonds and it is about people that find something in someone else and then they work through their shit (and in this case both Nesta and Cassian have a lot shit to work through) because they care enough to make their relationship work. Because you get to fall in love for many reasons and you get to love the flaws and the imperfections. You get to like a person because you are attracted to them for whatever reason logical or illogical. Because they intrigue you. Because of lust or intense emotion. Because they take you by surprise. Because romance usually is about personal conflict and growth and collision. Because in fiction this brings drama and it is interesting for many people especially when it includes complicated characters with many layers and depth that help each other’s characterization progress and development in many ways.

But hey. I get not liking a character or a ship. It is your prerogative. You might not like the chemistry of two characters. You might not get it. You might be allergic to it. You might not care for it. You might not understand it. You might hate it. You might not be able to tolerate the story or a character or a concept. It is your right. I am not here to dictate to you what to like and what not to like. Something is not your cup or tea and your personal taste is different from that of another person. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

But here you are in my ask box. I get not liking a ship but why would you come to the blog of someone that likes it with such comments? What do you gain? Stick to your lane and ship and let others ship.

Also…seriously…I am in awe.

You are here to tell me that the half a millennia winged Illyrian Fae warrior who is basically a LORD OF FREAKING WAR that is leaving mountains of corpses in the battlefields and has been shedding blood for centuries is not deserving of a 20-22 year old woman with limited experience that she is just start beginning to understand what life is after leading a very restricted and limited one. This is what you are telling me right? That the man that brings horror and is capable and able to bring nations to their knees and is known by the freaking Bone Carver as the Lord of Bloodshed is not deserving of a …young girl while he is the winning prize in the lottery for Nesta. Am I getting this right?

The superficial way people view certain characters astonishes me.

Cassian is not a ray of sunshine and not an innocent lighthearted and most of all balanced person. Cassian is one of my most favorite characters in the acotar series (Top Five easily). But he, as many characters of the book, is a grey character that can often be amoral. You don’t get to become THE General of the Night Court and the commander of the Illyrian forces and part of the Inner Circle by being solely moral and good and …nice.

Cassian is dangerous. Like Alpha Male dangerous. He is an experienced man. An experienced OLD man. The fact that he looks hot and young and is energetic with a six pack does not change his age or his position in life or who he is. And if you put that in contrast with a young girl with Nesta’s history that has not even traveled the world yet -while this was her dream- then who ‘deserves’ who can become a very long argument.

Cassian is indeed a good man but he is carrying a load of crap and baggage on his shoulders. He is over half a millennia old. He is a FREAKING GENERAL from crying out loud. The fact that he cracks jokes and is supportive of his family and friends does not take away all the blood he had shed or the scars that has left on him (and he will bring those scars to whatever relationship he enters). It does not take away that the bone carver called him the Lord of Bloodshed. Cassian is a killer. A professional one at that. No matter how noble he is (and he is) that does not change that it takes a certain kind of bloodthirsty savageness and mindset to rise to where he is now. Cassian views fighting and cutting through people as if it is an art. He walks hand in hand with death. He commands the Illyrian forces of the Night Court.

For centuries he is mixed to a dysfunctional emotional triangle with both of his best friends in a way that hurts one of his two brothers -because this is what Azriel is for him- and he is in a complicated mess with Morrigan. He has codependency issues with Morrigan, Rhysand and Azriel. He has shown to have suicidal tendencies (add homicidal to that too). He is not all sunshine and charm and jokes. He goes to the battlefield to kill and to count the dead and inform their families. It takes a certain kind of heart and soul and violence to wage war. To kill people. To do that for half a millennia. He is feared and terrifies his enemies. He has self esteem issues and even depression signs (as surprise surprise so does Nesta). He is haunted by ghosts of the past. He is afraid of commitment. He is menacing. He has sent monsters into the prison of the Night Court. He is ready to cut through his enemies like butter or condemn them to an eternity of imprisonment.

He has lived lifetimes. He has experience both on the light side of life and the dark side of life.

Say what you like about Nesta and her behavior but in the end she is just a..girl. She is not experienced with life or men for that matter. She has been sexually assaulted and sheltered. She wanted to travel but did not got a chance. She is very young and thrown in a life and nature she had not wanted. How old is she really? 20-22? And for you a 22 year old -tops- girl with limited life experience does not deserve a 500+ years old man because that man is somehow an optimist and an extrovert and so good? You are seriously going with that right now?

Because Cassian needs to be coddled and a bitch like Nesta is not a good fit for …him? Because a man needs …deserves…as sweet woman as a reward right? Because a woman has to apologize for everything in her character and become less so to fit the needs of a man because of what he deserves and if not then...she does not deserve him. (My mind’s wires are short cutting right now I kid you not).

If anything it would be more healthy for Nesta to not get involved with a man like Cassian until she has some decades at least on her back and a lot more experience.

Many people say that Nesta is mean with Cassian. And she has bitter outbursts with him that is for sure true up to an extent but no one ever pointed out how Cassian when he first met Nesta had already formed an opinion over her as if he had the right to do so only because his new friend (which he barely really knew) told him (mostly alluded) some things that did not involve him in any way. From the very start Cassian had judged Nesta and played judge and jury with her and had condemned her without even exchanging a word with her. Not even Rhysand that was Feyre’s mate did that.

Nesta was right to tell him that “You know nothing about who I am, and what I’ve done and what I want.“

Why wouldn’t Nesta be hostile with him? The guy has boundaries issues. And was quick to judge her. He is a centuries years old persistent (borderline obsessed) Fae male that …can’t stay away. Romance aside let us not start glamorizing certain people and acting as if Cassian is perfect. He is not. He has flaws. There are no saints and sinners in this equation. Nesta has not treated Cassian right all the time but Cassian has not always treated Nesta right either. And if we take their character traits into account this was bound to happen.

Yes Nesta is an asshole. But guess what? Cassian is an asshole too. He taunts, he mocks, he insults, he provokes, he uses his sexual experience as a weapon of choice, he intimidates, his uses his body as a way to make others step back, he throws tantrums, he hides behind jokes, he is reckless, he is hard. In the first sign of true intimacy he backs down and alienates people. He has been all those things with Nesta. He originally was surprised and even took offense because Nesta ignored his good looks for crying out loud. Cassian even in Wings and Embers tried to intimidate her while he barely knew her. A human 22 year old girl that could crash with his little finger while he could tell that she had no experience in physical combat or men. He used his nature, his body, his words to make Nesta less of who she was. To make her feel uncomfortable. His game was less than honorable back then. And when that did not work his infatuation started to run deeper and they both entered a game of push and pull and love-anger/hate and bickering and…understanding.

That does not make him a bad person. He is a good man. A messed up mortally grey good man with honor. In the same way Nesta is also a good woman.  A messed up angry woman with a moral code that for getting to see you need to watch past the surface. A woman that got inspired by Feyre’s and Cassian’s honor and made Cassian proud. A proud woman that has made mistakes but is learning from them and tries to better herself with actions. Something that Cassian sees and respects and maybe even has also done in his long life because everyone starts from somewhere and faces difficulties and trauma in different ways and learns and grows and moves on.

Nesta grew up with the same superstitions Feyre grew up when it came to Fae people. Do you remember how Feyre herself acted with the Fae at the very beginning before she grew to know them? And yet Nesta allowed Fae men to get into her home. Nesta’s interest when it came to Cassian himself surpassed her prejudices before she was even thrown to the Cauldron and turned to High Fae herself.

Nesta was traumatized after been thrown in the Cauldron. And so was Cassian when he had his wings shredded… but he could not stay away from Nesta despite the boundaries she was trying to put between them. It was his choice to go over to her over and over again despite being rejected. No one from the fandom ever speaks of the trauma Nesta had been subjected too and how Cassian’s needs should not surpass her needs over this. But sure.. Nesta is mean so Cassian’s needs must go first. But just maybe this is not about romance or about what a man deserves. This is not about Cassian getting to feel better. And yet somehow this is what it all ends up too.

Introvert vs Extrovert. Young age vs Old age. Man vs Woman. A man that has lived his life to the fullest vs a woman that has not yet lived. Who deserves who.

Does Cassian deserve Nesta? Does Nesta deserve Cassian?

In my opinion who deserves who is a bullshit argument to make for this sort of subject. I can give you a dissertation of why Cassian does not deserve Nesta too. Or why he does deserve her. And vice versa for the other way around.

Truth is that in my opinion they complete each other. It is not just opposites attract. Cassian found an equal in Nesta despite their differences (that are many). Mentally and intellectually they are equal and similar even.

Blade and fire made flesh. Death made flesh. They fit each other.

Cassian is a killing machine and Nesta now holds death in her fingertips. While Cassian always walked in death. But more so aside those parallels that mirror each other they also click as characters.

Cassian shares the same values with Nesta. The same need to protect others. Nesta kept saying how she wanted to help families and children. Cassian has the same view point with her. It is in his very core the need to protect others and this was in the end what Nesta was ready to sacrifice herself for.

Nesta that is so cold on the outside because she feels everything more intense than any other in the inside. Cassian that is so easy going on the outside because he is broken in the inside. Nesta that uses cruel words as a shield. Cassian that uses jokes as an armor. Nesta that hides her emotions and vulnerabilities. Cassian that does the same in different ways. Nesta that is afraid to let others in. Cassian that observes everything both in the battlefield and outside of it. Nesta that scares people. Cassian that is not and could never be afraid of her. Cassian that intimidates people. Nesta that refuses to be intimidated by him. Nesta that throws insults. Cassian that throws tantrums. Cassian that turns his pain to playfulness and his weakness to anger and battle. Nesta that does not allow anyone to see her as weak and turns her rage to ice and her pain to faux indifference and hostility. Cassian that gets his power from his warrior nature and training. Nesta that wants to be empowered and get agency in different ways. Cassian that leans to order and anarchy. Nesta that leans to order and freedom. Nesta that is now the emissary of the Night court. The bridge of the human world with the Fae world trying to balance an understanding between two worlds. Cassian that is always trying to create an understanding between the Illyrians and the rest of High Fae and the man that becomes a bridge when he has a death count in paper and has to inform all the families of the lost. Nesta that her power is now connected with death. Cassian that has been walking in death. Nesta that is too serious. Cassian that is too aloof. Nesta that is too proud and disdainful and willful. Cassian that is arrogant and cocky and prideful. Nesta that is all about manners and propriety. Cassian that is insolent and all about wrecking buildings. Cassian that is serious when needs to be and Nesta that needs to relax and laugh more. Nesta that prefers a book and solitude and Cassian that in silent moments shows a more grounded version of himself. Cassian that people overlook his intelligence. Nesta that people overlook her humanity. Cassian born in a world that does not value bastards. Nesta born in a world that does not value women. Nesta that does not let others in. Cassian that is not making any serious commitments and relationships. Nesta that is so afraid of what she feels for Cassian that prefers to keep him in arm’s lengths using insults and distance and Cassian that is so terrified of what he feels for Nesta that gets completely out of sync when she shows him tenderness and interest. Cassian, the Prince of Bastards, that wanted to find his place in the world and be a man with value despite his heritage and Nesta, the terrible Queen, that after loss and building emotional walls wanted to go out to the world and see what a woman could so and leave her mark in the world. Nesta and Cassian that both dream of a better more equal world for bastards, children and women. The same coin from different sides.

And really this is not about a competition. You do not fall in love with someone that is perfect for you in theory. You get to fall in love with ...people. With imperfect people. You get to love them exactly due to those imperfections that make then unique. I cannot stress enough that this is not a matter of what someone ‘deserves’. It is about what someone feels. It is about what makes a heart tick. It could be the most weird combination. It could be insane. And volatile. And easy going or difficult until it aches. In the end it is all about understanding and Nesta and Cassian can understand each in a deep level that is mostly instinctual at this point. It is lust and attraction and sexual tension (like …seriously!) and struggle (because nothing that is worth it comes easy in life) and it is understanding and feeling and silent communication and attraction in all levels.

And guess what… Cassian deserves this. He deserves a person that won’t use him as a sexual object so to get out of predicament and then use him as a shield against his best friend and create conflict in him and in the relationships that define him. Cassian deserves a person that won’t be afraid to stand up against him and with him. That won’t be charmed by his superficial sexiness and distractions. That will be an equal to him. That will shout to him miles away to get him out of danger and he will hear that voice calling him to safety. Cassian deserves a touch. Deserves to fall in love. To have a person that can see when he is hurt. Cassian deserves to get a chance with the woman he is choosing to fight with him and die with him and the woman that he is ready to search to the other life just so to have a chance with her and not regret not spending time with her. The woman that when he in bleeding and unconscious he will try to defend till his last breath. The woman that has a name that he keeps hearing in the wind. Cassian deserves a person that can see beyond his facade. Nesta that understands how dangerous and how noble Cassian is because he sees what others don’t. Because he sees beyond the surface. Because he sees who truly Nesta is. And who Nesta is is someone that Cassian not only wants but would be damn lucky to have. A woman that will stand up next to him and won’t allow anyone to offend him and she won’t judge him for his past. A woman that will surprise him. A woman that will shield him with her body against death itself. A woman that will try to carry him away from danger. And if she can’t help him she will stay with him till the end. She won’t run. She won’t lie. She won’t be dishonest. She won’t see him as a charity case. She will stay for the good and the bad and for hell itself. Cassian has been a bastard that had found family to the inner circle of the Night Court and friends and family but something has always been missing. A sense of true belonging. To have someone stay with him as the world burns and protect him as he protects others. To have someone truly understand him and use honest actions instead of words. Yes Nesta and Cassian are in a clash of wills but also in a clash of hearts.

But sure thing. Cassian surely does not deserve this and I do not get why people like Nesta and Cassian as a ship either.

[hyperfixation-station-1234]

Shared Spaces

Alright yall. I’m seeing a lack of fanfiction for ACOTAR on my dash so I made my own. And I’m sorry but it’s Elriel, because despite loving Lucien, I’m trash for them as a couple. 

   The small garden outside of the new townhouse she shared with Nesta, in Velaris, was one of the most important parts of Elain’s newfound life. It was a sanctuary when Elain felt panic rise inside of her, when the memories of the war came back to her in full force. It hadn’t even been two years, yet. It felt like only yesterday, but also like she had lived five lifetimes. So much change packed into such a short amount of time can be devastating to a soul with no outlet. And there was so much to unpack from within her soul. Gardening, just like she’d always loved doing was a way for her to contemplate so much loss, and still give life to something else.     Elain had her body change on a cellular level, had gained new abilities that still in many ways scared her to use, had found a mate and just a quickly lost him, and had not known anything about him. There was guilt from the many times she’d failed her family. She had death of people on her hands. But Elain had other things, as well. Elain had her sisters, now had a healthy relationship with both. She had gained a family, a loving, fun and humorous family. More than anything, Elain had Azriel. If any friendship had helped her heal most, it was theirs. 

   Their friendship was a quiet one. She had cultivated it - held it out to the light. It was quiet friendship, but it was strong. They were kindred souls that both suffered in silent pain. Strange, when a mirror is shown in front of your own face, it’s so much easier to see the truth and the hurt lying just underneath the surface. Azriel was her mirror. He showed her the pain and she reflected his own back. Together they had been able to wipe away the dirty smudges of their pasts and present. With soft smiles shared when no one was looking, patient lessons in knife throwing and planting, and with a hand holding hers when she would sit and cry in the garden when it was all too much the fear and pain were slowly being washed clean from her heart. From the beginning, he would give her quick smiles and gentle commands during training. He was what changed her mind so quickly about appreciating being Fae. His kind words and gentle hands guiding her arms into correct positions were what made her see that Fae were not in fact devoid of love. When she felt like her insecurities and loneliness was festering, Azriel is who soothed her soul. 

   A story for a story was how it all started. She told him the story of being taken apart and put back together as something alien and unfamiliar and the struggle to find air when the murky liquid flooded her lungs. She talked about when she died, how she felt that last drop of life leave her body and the blazing lightning bolt that brought her back. He told her of having his hands burned by his half siblings, of his first kill as the Shadowsinger for Rhys’ father, about being left in the dark so long that shadows became his only confidant. Elain, who tried so hard to make everyone see that she was adapting, that she was fine, was surprised when one evening Azriel followed her out of the small townhouse and into the garden. Everyone had made it a custom to have dinner once a week at someone’s house. She knew Feyre and Rhysand had a love so deep it was breathtaking, she would never begrudge them that. But seeing them in that moment had caused her heart to rattle in her chest. She had a mate, but they would never have the chance to know each other, never have the chance to experience that love. She quietly excused herself with a smile that she didn’t let fall until she exited the back door. She sat on the stone bench and closed her eyes, when she opened them again Azriel was standing with his back against the doorway, looking at her with his head cocked to the side like he did when he had watched her during training lessons.    Worried, she gave him a shaky smile, “I was just getting some air.”    Azriel slowly moved his head from side to side then moved gracefully to sit next to her on the bench, “You don’t have to lie to me.”    Elain nodded her head once and glanced down at the folded hands in her lap, “It hurts sometimes to see them, to know I could be missing out on what they have. He died before I could even get to have a decent conversation with him.” A tear fell onto her hands. Quickly, she closed them to keep more from escaping. She felt gnarled fingers brush over her lightly and settle on top of them, her eyes popped open and she saw the blue syphon gleaming and she heard him quietly say, “It’s hard mourning something that never existed to us in the first place. When a dream dies, it’s almost as unbearable as losing a close friend.” She looked up at his solemn face and saw understanding. He saw through her façade of a pleasant face and a constant smile. So, she flipped her hand over and they sat in that garden in a comfortable silence surrounded by peonies, climbing jasmine, and poppies.    Elain smiled at the memory as she gathered flowers from the garden into a small bundle. It was just turning dusk, now. Cassian had walked into the townhouse earlier and he and Nesta both vanished. Now, Elain wasn’t very experienced when it came to physical interactions with the opposite sex. But she knew enough to never want to see either of them in a compromising position that would most likely traumatize her for her entire immortal life. And so, she didn’t bother telling Nesta where she was going. Elain had taken it upon herself to put a vase of flowers in Azriel’s apartment whenever she could. She called it his own training. Just like he helped train her in the art of killing, she trained him in the art of keeping things alive. When she first arrived in Velaris, she felt uncomfortable walking the streets by herself, surrounded by strange creatures, but now she relished spending time in the community. She even sold flowers at a shop in the Rainbow. She smiled at those passing by her on her way to Azriel’s apartment, not seven minutes away. He lived in near the water, it was a small apartment but she always enjoyed the view of the Sidra. When she got to the door she knocked and waited. She always counted to ten. If the door ever wasn’t answered before ten, she usually let herself in. A few months ago, after the 3 vase left on his front door, Azriel decided to re-establish his wards so that she was allowed in whenever he wasn’t home. Not even Cassian had that privilege. She got to five when Azriel answered the door. She gave him a smile the others never saw. There was no mask between them. She took in his rumpled hair, the shirtless torso, wings untucked and black training pants, “Hello, Az.”     He gave her a quick, sleepy smile, “El.”     She looked at the weapons laying haphazardly on floor next to his bed as she headed toward the small kitchenette with the flowers, “Late night mission?” She heard his raspy voice following behind her, “Border Patrol.” Since the end of the war, Velaris wasn’t kept a secret anymore. Elain knew Azriel saw it as being exposed, she knew he worried about its safety. Reaching up on the tips of her toes she opened the top cupboard and felt Azriel standing behind her. She felt the brush of his wing against her hair and his shadows unfurl around them both as he reached up to grab the vase on the top shelf. She watched his muscles bunch in his side. Being this close to him was still a novel thing for her. Lately, watching him had been doing funny things to her insides she hadn’t expected. She reached out and stroked a finger down his wing. He shadows danced out to stroke her hand and he jolted with a hiss, almost dropping the vase she has bought. He gave her a cool side-eye and she smiled saucily back at him. Grabbing the vase from his hand, she turned to fill it with water in the sink, she could have sworn she heard his mutter, “Cauldron boil me,” in an exasperated tone and smiled to herself. After she put the flowers in water, she put them on the counter and looked at him, her eyes snagged on his abs and trailed up to his collarbone.    “My eyes are up here, Elain,” she pulled her eyes away from his torso and smiled sweetly at him, “Just checking to make sure you didn’t get injured.”     She heard him snort and his lips twitched into a smirk, then he said, “I have something to show you.” Elain gave him a curious smile, “Alright.”     “But you have to close your eyes first.”     Because she trusted Azriel more than anything or anyone else she closed them tight and held out her hands. She felt his calloused and gnarled hands clasp around hers and gently pulled her toward the back of his apartment, where his balcony opened out over the Sidra. His hands let go of hers and with the sound of the double doors opening, those same hands were back just as quickly but this time they came from behind. She felt him shift and, leaning his face close to hers, he said, “Open your eyes, Sunshine.” In front of her, spanning the balcony that was probably as large as his apartment, potted flowers were placed everywhere. A small plum tree was next to the doorway. There was a large sitting pillow to the right. She turned to him with rounded eyes, liquid like honey and stared into his own that were closely watching her reaction. “You did all of this?”    He nodded carefully, “I know you love the garden at the townhouse, and with Cassian always showing up unexpected and running you off, you can a have a spot here. Something to help me grow, a place to spend more time.” his throat worked, “If you want.”     She gazed at the face of the man she’d grown this close bond with, someone who so fully understood her need to cultivate. He had filled his private space with the things she needed to feed the humanity in her heart. Elain realized in that moment, that if this was what love felt like, she didn’t ever want to let it go.     She turned to face him then, settling her hands on his shoulders, with every ounce of courage in her body she leaned forward and kissed the edge of his jaw, “It’s beautiful and I love it. If you’re okay with me invading your space even more than I already have.”     Azriel bent his head down, she felt the edge of his nose skim across her cheek as he whispered, “It’s not an invasion if I want you in my space, Sunshine.”     His arms came up around her, pulling her into himself. Then his lips were on hers, demanding and gentle, firm yet yielding. Her hands tightened on his shoulders and he brought her even closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her feet lifted off the ground. She squeaked and Azriel smiled into her lips. He walked backwards with her in his arms into the apartment. Lost in the kiss, she hadn’t realized until her back hit the mattress and Azriel broke their kiss that the sun was setting.    He cleared his throat, “I want my space to be yours too, Elain. You’ve brightened everything around me,” his hand smoothed other her temple and tangled in her hair, “I’m greedy for every drop of light you can give me.” He considered her eyes hopefully.    “It’s yours, as long as you give me your darkness. I want to feel the darkness that hurts you, I want the darkness that soothes you. Just share it all with me, Az,” Elain’s fingers teased the shadows rolling from his back. Smiling as she gazed on his face.    He took Elain’s hand into his own and brought it to his chest where she could feel the strong thumping of his heart. “It’s all yours, Elain.”    The rest of the night was spent in each other’s arms. Playing with shadows, whispering with healed hearts and quiet kisses in their shared darkness.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Tell me more about IPB Nessian! I just finished Barbarian Alien and I am obsessed with the series! I'm anxious to see Cassian being an insta simp as a Sa Khui male.

Um I would absolutely LOVE to talk about the Nessian IPB AU I'm hoping to post for Nessian Week! I devoured like the whole original series and it's just so fun to put all the ACOTAR characters into that Universe.

Feyre is obviously the Georgie of this AU with Rhys as the Vektal, and they're just happily mated and running the tribe. And there's other folks there like Az as a blue alien man and Gwyn as a human, and Vassa as Harlow and Jurian as the "wild" alien aka Rukh.

A la Josie's story, Nesta has a IUD that has kept her from resonating, but that's how she prefers it. She has no interest in a mate!

Except, one evening, it falls out, and she's like NOPE! So she tries to sneak out in the middle of the night, but of course Cassian who's been simping and won't leave her alone catches her and ope! They resonate 😏

Nesta is even more like no thank you, and she decides that she's going to go to the spaceship/Elder Cave, get the IUD reinserted via the medical machine, and will make this whole thing go away. Cassian is a sad boi about this idea, but he agrees to escort her. Shenanigans, of course, ensue then 😉 and you already know they get their happy ending!

Anywho! Enjoy a cheeky little snippet below the cut just for you, bestie 😘

Everyone is chatting or smiling, and Nesta presses her knees that little bit tighter against her chest, digs her nails in that little harder into her arms. She just doesn’t understand how everyone can be so normal. How everyone can act like this whole thing is normal.

“Hello, Nes.”

Nesta snaps her head to the right, finding Cassian standing there, his dark, curly hair falling around his face for once. He folds his long legs to settle into the seat beside her, offering her one of his easy smiles that tugs the left side of his lips up higher than the right.

“What do you want?” Nesta asks, hoping her cool, clipped tone will scare him off the way the rest of the sa-khui have steered clear of her. Unsurprisingly, Cassian’s grin only seems to grow, his glowing eyes almost seeming to glint.

“I brought you some meat,” Cassian explains, holding out his hands and showing off the food in question. “I have burned it the way you humans like.”

Nesta rolls her eyes and turns away from him. “I’m not hungry.”

Cassian is silent for a moment, and when Nesta chances a glance back toward him, he’s frowning in confusion. “You must be. You have not eaten at all today.”

“What? Are you watching me?”

“Yes.”

Nesta scoffs at that. If there’s one thing these aliens are terrible at, it’s reading a room. She decides not to deem him with a response, hoping that with her extended silence, he’ll finally take a hint and leave her alone.