#like it was a fun experience but looking at it too deeply theres like these little things that kinda ruin it from being genuinely good

[chibikittens]

cant believe im posting this on the website that loves wednesday eep

[nori-the-cat]

a bit of a long ramble but

I'e been observing and following kpop on and off for some time because theres really not much other music out rn besides whatever is mainstream and even that doesnt always interest me enough. but I just wonder why so much of kpop has been so dramatic lately? lkke in these past few years online drama seems to increase surrounding idols especially and what idols do in their personal life doesnt need to be shared online like wtf and it just seems like every small thing for kpop groups tend to become big drama or their fans make it big drama all the time. thats why i watch from afar these days cause it seems anyone can have negative thing to say abt anyone whos in the kpop entertainment. even if there is some good things abt kpop music, overall it doesnt paint it in good light cause it make their fans seem like a pack of wild vultures who watch their idols like hawkes or ppl who cant seem to mind their business or let idols roam freely in their spare time cause smartphones seem to mean ppl can shove them in the idols face esp at airports.

its just kind of tiring most of the time like if people just liked it for the songs it wouldnt be so bad instead it seems to be one extreme or the other. i dont blame idols for never saying who they date bc look at what happened to karina and the actor. social media just spoils the fun of something and makes it into something else enitrely where its now often filled with dramas or toxic behaviours idfk whatever ppl post towards idols it only for them to get more negative reactions. i wouldnt be surprised if most idols are already dating but when it seem to get leaked in the media then ppl who are their fans act like it end of the world. i think the problem isnt social media itself but more so smartphones bc ppl who are more their hard core stans, i guess is the right word, they might go to extremes and they keep showing that extreme behaviour any time something doesnt sit right with them. like one minute the idol can be worshipped and next they can be tarnished so they cant really win anymore.

when ppl say that kpop is becoming westernised i only think thats in the sense of them adding foreigners nowadays to the groups, but the groups and their fans are still very much particular towards things like in 2024 i didnt expect idols dating to still be considered a scandal? whereas in the west they date who they want or idfk adult idols going out to clubs and drinking seem to surprise some folk. even the stuff in the media dont surprise me anymore cause it no a big deal to me at least. honestly with the way their fans behave online and irl towards idols theres one thing im glad abt and that is i will never have to deal with them or knetz lol.

its shame bc theres still so much kpop could bring to music but its so formatted and rigid or set in its ways of doing things. the other thing is they arent debuting older age idols who may have more life experiences and they may be more mentally prepared to handle such fans behaviours or they might have different style vocals and so on, so with that in mind im like its so awkward and horrible to even watch the way much younger idols get treated or mistreated, i should say, by their own fans and maybe by other adults that they work with.

other than whatever is mainstream there doesnt seem to be market for my age group anymore cause in kpop theyre debuting them too young and ik they always done that but it still feels weird to me to like a group whos 4/5/6 years younger than myself. id have loved an other group like btob or a smaller version of exo but nowadays it seems groups have nearly 30 smth members in them and they usually have to be quite young :/ if ateez had been my age it would seal the deal but i dont even care too deeply for them either its just once in awhile sort of thing i will like their songs why does it always have to be more than that?

like im no going to go doolally about every group nowadays either for this reason that my generation seems to be getting left out of a lot of things to do with kpop. like i honestly really feel old these days esp when i look at an idol and theyre like a 99liner or 00liner :O and kpop probs now considers 20 year olds too old as well :( fomo sets in too when u dont particularly care deeply abt dance challenges or latest internet fads cause i rather just like a group for their songs or their talent than their looks or their group position / personality whatever its called

lastly whoever date or marry bts i honestly feel so bad for them like they going to get so much media attention and their fans wont like it either so the internet will descend into more chaos when they marry if they arent already secretly married that is. it really sometimes often feels like the beatles but with the internet involved its 100x more crazy no matter the group it always has bunch of crazies who seem to twke it way too far

sorry for my long ramble

GUUUUUURRRRL please don’t be sorry for your long ramble. I had similar thoughts as you but I have come to terms with it, especially when I’m the same age as NCT 127 Jungwoo things in K-pop music has become less enjoyable too. Hence, I don’t know much about newer groups or groups outside of my interests ㅠ ㅠ

You also pointed out how fans can idolise their idols and drop them the next minute when they’re “wrong”, for example going to the club, dating, and having a life basically. I think all of this is the company’s fault. Take SM for example, I’m not comfortable in the direction that RIIZE is going with the booheju (girlfriend stan) stuff, but it’s what it makes money? Because of this, I’ve slowly detaching myself from them and only like their songs and I have one particular member that I like, he is Lee Sohee. I also like him because of his singing skill and that’s all.

Overall, I agree with you. Tbh it’s the parasocial relationship that is an issue. Some fans seeks comfort from their idol and the idol gives them that. However, often they forget that an idol job stops when they’re behind the camera. They have a life too. So, I’m with you on this too. I have started to like a group for their song and less about what is trendy or their looks and personality. Girl groups wise I’m into Aespa, NewJeans and BabyMonster. Their songs are right up my alley. Now, the younger idols debuting is a problem in it of itself. But this has happened way before in Kpop. Take Taemin for example, or NCT Dream Jisung. I think the main reason is that the younger they are, the easier to “manipulate” them or influence them. I guess if a company debuts someone above 25 years old, they’re going to have a hard time dealing with them because their pre-frontal cortex has developed.

that’s my easiest bet! 🤡

I’m also not Korean so I can’t say for certain this is true. However, I’m Asian. I realise Asian people put so much emphasis on good character. Because of this, idols are seen as role models and they are constantly judged and put on a pedestal. It’s kinda sad really. So, take Seunghan for example, whether his rumours are true or not. His scandal has been a huge part of his idol career and to some, it could look like there is no going back. In terms of fan wars, I think people on the internet are just bored or mean. Most fan wars started by some troll or a fan who likes to compare other idols. I don’t know much about fan wards but this is what I noticed. I’m pretty sure if BTS gets married, it is during the time of their life where they are not at their “prime”. That way is easier for them to be accepted by their fans and the South Korean. Take, Ryewook from Super Junior. He got married recently and the fans seem fine. But ofc, we can’t exclude the obsessive fans. I’m sure idols realise they have obsessive fans. In general, I’m pretty sure idols knows their consequences and downsides to being an idol. We as fans also have full control of our interests. The only thing becoming Westernised in kpop is the song and not the culture. 🤡

[classpectpokerap]

How do you feel about the portrayal of plurality in Homestuck? Because it’s not good.

Cherubs are “supposed” to predominate over their other personality. With Calliope being portrayed as naive for trying to co exist.

Horuss is mocked for being a system. But I’d say it was a king fun of people who pretend to be mentally Ill on social media for clicks.

Then their are the sprites

okay so

i guess we're doing this

HOMESTUCK AND PLURALITY: A PRIMER

BECAUSE JESUS CHRIST THERES SO MUCH

SO SO SO MUCH

okay. so

homestuck is one of the best pieces of media of all time for plurality and i fuckin mean it. no shot do not pass go i have NEVER seen anything that is more built from the ground up to Support plural reads. like, to the point where it feels impossible to read homestuck without it.

as a work dealing with two huge primary themes of a) finding yourself/identity/growing up, and b) ideas coming to life, plurality is pretty much the Perfect intersection between the two of them. like.

take rose for example.

rose is plural and it's great.

when the doomed timeline evaporates, future dream rose does not actually "cease to exist." she ceases to exist as her own person -- her memories, experiences, personality, thoughts (or, as shorthand, her selfstuff) all flows back into rose prime. and that experience is just something rose has to roll with. one becomes two -- that other rose is still in her mind.

jade's plural and it's great.

when her dream self awakens as jadesprite, jade has a horrific argument with her. if you're plural i'm sure you understand. fighting with an age-regressed version of you, stuck in a traumatic past, who WONT FUCKING LISTEN -- we've all . been there.

she has involuntary barks, she can't stop seeing images of fire, she wants to go back to nonexistence but she doesnt want to die and it's torture,

and then in cascade, jade fuses with her.

dream jade is still in there. that part of her she has to grapple with is still real. her dog who she loves is in there, too -- but, yknow. woof

then grimbark gets forcefully introjected into her. i've seen a few fics play with the idea that the grimbark personality is still residually there (read ygtpoasu), but it's not a huge thing that's explored in the text. more backgrounded. but still! her crisis of identity is in there.

wanna know what's NOT backgrounded

tavros's plurality is like, a pretty big factor in his character!!!! it's one of the bigger points vriska uses to bully him with (because she's projecting because she's projecting because she's projecting, because she's also plural and kins mindfang), it's like. a big thing that he has to cope with and figure out.

kanaya suggested tavros treat his self-confidence as his own brain guy, like, completely sincerely. she genuinely thought it would help, and it sorta did!!!!!

and like

it is FAR from the only positive example of plurality in the comic.

like. look at sollux and aradia defending "alternate reality copies" of characters -- which can be pretty easily extrapolated to them talking about fictives

like. !!!!

i dunno, man. i think that homestuck is a DEEPLY plural story. you should read mtm and kgtac for more exploration of these themes. read detective pony too while you're at it. like.

i havent even TOUCHED on horuss or dirk or karkat here because there is just so much. there's so much! like ultselves. oh my god i completely neglected to talk about ultselves or cherubs or --

augh

but anyway here's The Screenshots from mtm

homestuck is, like, the single most fictive compatible fictional work i've ever read.

"oh im being sent to another universe as a brain ghost? that happened to my buddy dirk"

"oh im one of many incarnations of myself, and perhaps not even the most 'canon compliant' one? haha dream bubbles moment"

"ive been isekai'd into another world? lol sburb"

it. yeah. god. i could literally talk about this all day. but instead im gonna direct you to my ao3.

check out no metaphors and then scroll through the "multiplicity/plurality" tag on my page

and if youve got more specific stuff, send in another ask!

[natsmagi]

hiii tumblr user natsmagi how are you today ?? your art is so pretty and i often find myself wanting to marry it. do you have any art tips for beginners plsss :3

HIIII!!! omg im doing well thank u for asking ❤️!!!

AND WAHHH UR SO SWEET!!!! THANK U!!!!!!💕💕💕

hmm as for tips.... i guess it kinda depends on what level of art ur currently at? like, do u already draw but feel ur skills are lacking or are u a complete beginner? either way i think anyone can benefit from figure drawing! literally just look at a pose reference and scribble shapes that are reminiscent of it! and u only need to spend at most 10 minutes on it. i know that the whole "do studies! look at references!" advice is a tired one BUT GENUINELY IT DOES WONDERS!!! plus figure drawing is alot of fun!!! here is a video that i personally learned from! its important to remember though that when it comes to art there are no set in stone rules that one must follow. in art rules are meant to be broken; so once uve learned the How's and Why's u can start implementing ur own little touches and begin stylizing! another video that really helped me in terms of anatomy structure is this video! of course, just like the first one, i deviate a fair share from it aswell, but it was an EXCELLENT starting point! main difference i do is i insert a sort of. Egg shape instead of just doing a square box. it helps highlight where the shoulders go and also gives me a better idea of where the waist and ribcage should be! here is a crude example; though if u want a boxier shape u can just stick to the first one

(remember that these shapes are merely used as a foundation and guide. theyre only there to help give u an idea of how the body would look, so theres no need for them to be perfect. these foundations can ALWAYS be deviated from) to me, it also helps to add guidelines like the blue lines u see! on the torso im using them to indicate where the middle of each side is. so one line down the center, one line down the back, and one line down each armpit basically. as for arms i instead just add a couple circles to indicate perspective

my last tip would probably be to just look at other artists you deeply admire. create a sort of frankensteins monster amalgamation of ur favorite artistic features! steal the way someone draws eyes, steal the way another draws hair, steal the way one renders, etc etc, until u find something that resonates with u. experiment a little! dont be too focused on having ur own unique style, esp if ur just starting out. as artists we all learn a great amount from each other and take inspiration! so just. keep experimenting and in due time ull find what works best for u! art is an ever-growing process! there is always more to learn and more to try!

[matoitech]

What are your top-3 werewolf tropes (popular or obscure) or things you wish to see more in stories about/with werewolves?

ooo rly interesting question and surprisingly tough for me to answer.. i think 'tropes i hate' are probably easier to identify LOL but for some tropes i like hmmm:

i tend to enjoy werewolf transformations however it goes in that universe's werewolf lore, whether its painful and bone breaky and screamy or painful but feels good afterward or magical and painless or whatever, i think theyre all cool and they can all say a lot abt how u want ur werewolves to be viewed and what ur trying to say w them. i think my personal favorite is like, there is some level of pain but more than anything its a RELIEF to get to shift so its worth the pain. theres lots of things in life like that and growing up i could relate a lot to feeling like i was ready to burst out of my 'shell' as in body into who i REALLY was. on multiple levels lol

pack as being a better version of family was a huge one for me as a kid. i didnt have a good home life or childhood so i dreamed of finding out i was a werewolf and getting to run away and live in the woods as a wolf with a group of ppl that loved me, that was better than 'family' and meant more. tho it should also be stated this was more like a fantasy scenario for KID me; as an adult i love political dramas in fiction so complicated pack politics seem really fun to write now. i still wrote them to an extent when i was younger into my werewolf stories too but more than anything i had the dream of it being like a total freedom and actually getting to be loved as who you really were thing. i also like werewolf universes where they DONT rly have either packs of groups that function as packs, whatever works for the narrative and lore the best, but i loved the whole pack thing a lot growing up

i love werewolves being able to be used to represent so many things.. this isnt rly a trope in particular but i love the expressiveness and creativity and originality and fluidity their stories can have and i think its rly cool how many ppl can be compelled by them and attracted to the potential in these stories. theres so MUCH you can do w them that goes incredibly underutilized. if i wanted to always write a different way of looking at or approaching or relating real human experiences to werewolves, or even just slightly different ways the werewolves function (and you have so many different KINDS of werewolves; dif levels of animal and human mind combo as a four legged wolf, furry anthro werewolves, beast werewolves, etc) i would never run out of material or alternative ideas. thereis so much that can make a werewolf story a werewolf story and a werewolf a werewolf. theres so many personal reasons ive always loved and felt connected to them. this is partly getting into the 'what id love to see' thing, but just HUGE massive potential in writing abt stuff like disability for example that u just never see. werewolves r smth ive always rly deeply loved a lot and been fascinated with and i think it shows in how like Personal me talking abt werewolves tends to get lol. this wasnt rly a trope but im counting it

for more things i want more in werewolf stories.. lots of stuff specific and niche to me personally lol, but i want them to stop being so goddamn cisgender i think werewolf stories r one of those things where the way gender is handled is so unneccessarily bad SO much of the time for no reason i can see. i guess ppl want to be '''realistic''' to animals but gender does Not work like that for animals so theyre just being annoying for no reason. theres a lot of gender essentialism in a lot of werewolf stuff? which is incredibly grating. and obviusly shitty

anyway as a dif thing one of my biggest qualms w werewolf stories is that i rly dislike the incorrect 'alpha' dynamics + crazy aggression of the pack members against each other like werewolves r Biologically Evil thing that shows up a lot in werewolf stories by ppl who dont know anything abt wolves or wolf pack dynamics, or just dont care i guess. i dont care abt 'alpha/omega' shit at all i never write that kinda stuff. so i want more things that Dont use that. lol

id love to see more werewolves who Like being werewolves lol. being realistic abt like the pros and the cons here but there is NO reason why there r so few stories abt werewolves who actually like being werewolves or at least like some aspects of it. theres not enough furries writing these things i guess. oh i forgot to mention i like never think of lycanthropy as a 'curse' unless im writing it For A Reason. other characters viewing it as a curse while the werewolf doesnt, thats another story. i think its just boring and too like horror werewolf tropey to me. being able to turn into a wolf man is not a curse what the hell thats like the coolest power ever. i see ppl complaining abt how werewolves r 'too happy to just realize they have cool powers and start killing ppl they dont like for fun, i want to see them be SAD abt it' but i dont actualy see the 'enjoying murdering for fun' a lot in media so idk what theyre talking abt. i guess horror, maybe, where the werewolves r the villains? i see way more of them moping abt how hard it is to be cursed to be a furry. bite ME then if you hate it so much

i could keep going but i am gonna cut myself off now lol, tysm for asking! i could say lots more but its 2 am lol

[whumpbug]

It's late at night but I love your ocs so it's time to ask the randomest most nonsensical question ever. If you choose to answer it I hope you have lots of fun. Ahem

How would your ocs each react to either learning that they've actually been a robot their whole life or waking up one day and finding that their consciousness has been placed into a robot's body? I imagine Gene would have the worst mental breakdown known to man

OHNMY GOD THIS IS SO GOOD THIS IS SO SO SO FUN

i think i'm going to go with they wake up and are suddenly just. in a robot's body. (morri style. android humanoid robot) because that sounds the most traumatic to me (-｡-;)

OK ONTO THE POST:

✮⋆˙

simon:

oh simon. he's too unbothered for his own good.

i think he'd wake up and just notice something is off and then realize. yknow. theres like screens in his eyes and he can literally feel metal inside of him. he would be like "...okay. i guess."

i feel like he'd be half convinced he's dreaming or hallucinating, and tell archie about it (who would be ecstatic. we'll get to that in a second.) and ultimately, once he realizes its real, he'd just kinda. be okay with it.

he'd be a little concerned about maintenance-- he knows the human body, not this new robot one, but i'm sure he'd figure something out. as long as he is still able to do his job (both in the literal sense-- his med classes and residency, and in the sense of taking care of archie) he doesn't care all that much.

archie:

oh boy. he would be SO excited.

archie is a huge nerd. he LOVESS techy sci-fi stuff, so if he woke up and he was a whole ass ROBOT???? that's a dream come true for him. he'd be in utter bliss.

of course he'd tell simon right away. simon would probably panic more than he would for his own scenario because HOW is he supposed to prevent archie from dying now. like i said, he knows human bodies, not whatever the hell is going on now.

archie would still be THRILLED. he would test out all sorts of things and play with his mechanics and just. nerd out. i hope he gets to experience being a robot one day, for his sake

gene:

i think gene would die. i think he'd actually just experience so much discomfort that he would die. yknow how sims can die from too much of a certain emotion? gene would die from shock and HORROR.

gene very much dislikes machines. the whole idea of something Big and Moving and being made of metal DEEPLY unsettles him. if HE became the big moving metal thing? oh god. someone get this man OUT of here

gene would never leave his house he'd basically just become a hermit for the rest of his life. he'd be so DISGUSTED. UGH he would hate it so much anon how could you do this to him /j /lh

cassidy:

cassidy is an even mix between archie and simon. he would be excited by it and think its cool, but he wouldn't dwell on it too long. he has work to do after all! as long as he can still follow montana's orders, he's fine. if hes more durable now? awesome!

i do think that gene would be a little scared of him. gene would get over it quicker because its cassidy and they are "Friends" and gene can't fathom just shutting cassidy out

OH and cassidy would immediately try to figure out how he can put a gun in his finger. he would think that is SO cool. i genuinely believe he would become boothill from honkai starrail (i say as i have hardly even played the game) but if you don't know who that is look him up and you'll understand.

✮⋆˙

thank you SO much for the silly question anon! this was so fun to think about i love putting my guys in the Situation Blender

[bunnihearted]

🐇📓💭

i miss talking to u sm feels so lonely without u and idk i think i did everything wrong i just never know what is too much and then it becomes too little instead im not even sure but either way i miss u so so so much i never knew before u that talking tosomeone could feel so exhilirating and so comfortable and so fun and warm my heart so much and theres not even a way to explain it but in the beginning it was so like exciting and thrilling to see it turn blue and open the new message and just that gave me so much and did so much for me and every word exchanged made me feel high on something i dont even know how to explain i just dont feel human i feel so so far away from being a human with human experiences i feel dead and numb and everything hurts and exchanging words and interacting with people is painful and hurts because i just dont know how to be a human right and everyone can tell and im so incredibly emotional and sensitive i feel so raw and just the smallest slightest wind makes me break down but u were different u werent painful at all u made me feel alive and like a human and i loved how u talked like just how u use words and build sentences and what u think about and i can tell so much about a person from that and i think u are authentic and even if u arent exactly like me i felt like could be on the same wave length about certain things and anyway anyway u just made me want to talk to look forward to it to be so deeply and very curious abt everything abt u and made me feel excited and happy to talk and share and be a human in connection to u and oh i miss talking to u so much i miss your words i miss how u string together sentences i miss what u noticed and paid attention to im just not a real person and i feel disconnected and i have never felt this way to this extent before and also u are u and the more i learned about you the more i liked u the more real u got the more i liked u because u werent simply a false picture in my head that i wanted to force onto u i wanted to know more about the real and actual u because that was real and what i like but i miss u and i miss u everytime i realize that i dont get why i hang onto your words like im the most devoted of religion and you're the holy scripture while other words are just books how is it that from the very first message my heart came alive and simply talking to u became my favorite thing in life every and all other words feel so 2d so stiff so stilted it reverberates inside of me hollow i try i really do but i always feel this deep sigh bc none of it makes my heart sing the same way

[psychelis-new]

thank you very very very much for my reply snd so sorry for my very long ramble. I guess I dont know what else to do atp, I couldve done much more had I not felt the need to fit in like everyone else is currently doing even memes are less entertaining as well as a lot fo it relying so much on the internet i just want to escape all of this nonsense i really do. like just yeet me into space then if anything. i dont care anymore for my life really. ik im probs just making excuses or sounding dramatic but it seems many others at leasdt have talents or something that they care deeply about. i just seemed to have missed the chances and since we didnt have any of this stuff when i was a kid

I dont particularly care for wealth yet at the same time that too is everywhere so its like fomo and inability to simply be satisfied in anything i like or do bc someone else has more or better things they are doing and its so easy to fall into the trap of comparisons, like so and so is posting their whole life online or so and so is exceedingly popular online and irl. i dont know lets just simply say that i keep feeling lkke a nobody and all anyone else on here seems ro say manifest xyz things and how age is just a number without knowing peoples past experiences or lack thereof skills and so on. i just dont even know what i want anymore either. its like im just a soulless blob in a pile of other blobs and everyone else is blobbing about stuff i dont particularly care about online.

i regret being born in my generation, i really do, theres almost too much going on at once but itd all digitalised rather than in person. even celebs dont seem to realise their devices can have an off button maybe if they werent online so much others would be inspired to do that as well but even if you go out anywhere people on their phones or go to concert let say people on their phones again how else to gsin connection with others when its all done via a horrid little screen which i regret buying but once again it is much required in todays society. theres certain things i wouldve loved to have done in previous generations or maybe had i been a different person of a different nationality but i still wouldve had to adjust to needing to be online for the most part. even just typing shit into google feels so soulless like i havw a brain but i dont need to think or feel and i dont need opinions cause someone online will end up hating me for it so thats out the window

As I was suggesting you, you need a break and find yourself again. You're too focused on what others do, who they are, and compare yourself to something that doesn't even exist (online world is pretty much like movies these days) and try to act the same as them to fit in (no but fr, who cares what celebs do online or how long they are online? it's their life, let them do what the heck they want -plus, they're often a brand with legs, they're making money that way...). But anyway you cannot fit in something if you don't know who you are and what you're searching for and if you don't know where you want to fit in (and where you actually can fit in without losing yourself -which you probably already did, in order to not feel left out).

You are worthy, your life is very worthy, but your worth is not outside, your worth is inside of you. Same as your talents and whatever good you possess (and don't tell me you don't cause everyone does). You cannot find it online or in strangers online, and for sure you won't seeing if you keep comparing with others and what they seem to have... so stop trying to do so. If others have fun online and have found their own place there, let them. Who cares what they find of so cool there. But if you don't, then it's time for you to find what you find funny by taking a break. Put in effort (the one you were calling for so much in the other ask) and find in yourself and what you want and like. The only way to find your soul inside of your blob is to look in that blob that is you and finding your voice. You cannot let others tell you who you are: only you know.

But it's useless if I keep repeating myself and you can't see you are worthy and not caged (you know it but still, you cannot leave the comfort zone you have created: you feel like you won't ever fit in and you keep finding comfirmations of it out of any interactions you have online. If you don't work on how you see things and yourself, nothing will change for real). You can think with your mind, you can believe other things than what you're told by society or people that only want to sell a product/gain from what they do (I already answered an ask or two on this... were they yours?). You can do what you would have loved to do in any other time: it's not about this generation, it's about you and what you want... don't find excuses to keep yourself out of what you desire to do or how you desire to live. Don't blame it all on this society, where you live and the times we're living in. You still have a choice, you can act differently and who the heck should care about it? If it makes you happy, do it. But if it's really so, if you know you'd feel better out of it, it's not the internet the problem, it's you caging yourself in a cycle that doesn't even exist (but was well created to sell products again)...

For real, take a moment for yourself. Maybe journal about how you feel, what you want and what you're searching for and then go find it. It may take a while and some effort, but you will make it. Maybe your people aren't online but at the supermarket you usually visit, or at the library or they share any other interest with you offlline. Idk. If you need connections, first of all connect with yourself. Then, you'll be able to connect also with others the way you need.

Again all the best! I know you're now writing me cause I am making you feel less alone, but I am not the answer you're seeking. It's only within you.

[flockofdoves]

i think its important to retain compassion and make sure when i actually talk to her i am open to listening to whatever she has to say. obviously thats important even just on purely a level of wanting communication to go well and for her to be receptive to solutions. but also of course there needs to be space kept for me and my gf to vent our frustration on our own time bc just bc pretty much almost everyone can always have some sort of personal justification for why they did something within their constricted circumstances obviously that doesn't mean people hurt by that dont still have reasons to be upset or resent the situation. and i'm trying to be good and healthy in how i balance these two things. 

i'm not always the best at conversations i can be a bit conflict avoidant and i have given up on talking about any of this for a while after my last half assed attempts at communication about this stuff failed (even if i think to be fair to myself some of it very clearly goes beyond what i'd imagine the scope of any misalignment of expectations from past experiences in different living situations could cause. like sure ok maybe you've used other peoples dishes in the past but i cant imagine it takes communication (which i did w this actually!) to know that if you've then let those dishes mold for a month throwing out that persons dishes after they ask you to wash them after they see them outside is not an acceptable next step) but i’m really trying to expend the effort to be better at communicating

but every time i’ve tried she avoids it somehow. and i keep trying harder in more direct but still not aggressive ways and i’m sure theres still more i could do but its just so so frustrating having it continue on this way. 

i feel like theres no space for me to even healthily balance my frustration with not letting that boil into any actual opportunity to talk because its just like a constant situation of having to hope that she’ll actually not avoid things this time and i need to emotionally prep myself for conversation so that i won’t unproductively just come across as angry (or just like. so shaky i cant talk lol) and because i’m just like fucking constantly having to put myself in that state theres not even a healthy space to even be properly mad during me and my gfs time when shes not around

i’m just so so so sick of this i’m so constantly stressed and sad about all of this this is the worst roommate situation i’ve ever been in even when just like. in fun conversations before she was avoiding us and that i still overhear w her friends i really enjoy my roommate. like thats really saying something when i’ve had a homophobic passive aggressive roommate before and a roommate that always turned the thermostat up to 90 degrees!!! but this is still (even after her wayyyy lowballing the utility bills “at their worst” looking back lmao) like the cheapest place i’ve seen around here with this fucking housing crisis happening around my college and at this point itd literally be too late to find anything good for when this lease ends i don’t know what to fucking do i was panicking about housing this time last year and it felt like it might fall through at like any moment once we did secure this apartment last august and then like so soon after that everything started to gradually get more and more stressful as more things happened with our roommate so its been like a fucking year of housing stress about stuff but we didn’t even start early bc it cost so much to furnish this place so our room wasnt just so deeply stressful to live in with the amount of unpacked boxes for months that we only just finally had all the furniture and storage to actually put away that we kept being like well i’m sure if we just communicate better it can improve because we really want to keep living here and dont want to go through All That with apartment applications and moving again any time soon but also jesus christ what if it just doesnt fucking change im in fucking limbo

[mochiwrites]

AT YOU, KICKS YOUR DOOR DOWN MOCHI OH MY GOD YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES i love me some character whumping

ANYEWAY OH MY GOD YES! ITS BACK! SONGBIRD AU!!! my beloved. my little criture in a jar. For the spookiest of seasonings. AND its the story whos title made me the most 👀👀👀

Grian's spidey sense for danger and weird and creepy is so. It is. Mmm yes. I could like feel the dramatic zoom in on the doorknob and the atmosphere dlkgaagads. I can see the cinematic shot in my mind. it is everything to me and ITS! THE PACING! IT IS SO WELL DONE!!!

god that wrong wrong wrong wrong wrONG part is going to rattle around in my brain forever.

Also I highkey know nothing about taurtis bc this is the first fanfic ive ever seen him in and i havent watched [or whatever it is you do w] yhs?? idk what it is actually at all. but. 👀👀I like him. I feel like i know enough about him to be thoroughly invested in whats making grians spidey senses throw so FAR OFF INTO THE VOID

Also I love a shopping montage that goes from 2000s teen comedy film to late 2000s summer horror flick wowow. The SHOPKEEPER is so CREEPY oh my GOD. is he meant to be cubs old skin I wonder bc I feel like. you mentioned something about Cub which I will not mention here bc i cant remember if it was a mentioned thing on your blog or in our dms but 👀👀I am Eyeing Him. My Eye is Upon him.

AND THEN THE ANXIETY IN A LEG BOUNCE IS JUST DFKLHHSDG THE UP DOWN UP DOWN UP DOWN IS SO GOOD TO GET THE SENTENCE STRUCTURE FOLLOWING THE SAME BOUNCING!!! AH!!! The way it pinpointed the focus of the entire scene is just. magnidficent. I love it so much.

I LOVE HIM JUST GOING TO MR JUMBO HIMSELF AND JUST BEING LIKE "Nope Im in you dont get a choice hi hello" because. AHHHH yes!!! yes!!!!!!!!! force your way in grian!!!! do it!!!! its gonna make a mess and its PERFECT!!!!!!! esp considering the circus fic comes after that and the published chapter has already made a MESS of grian I am OBSESSED.

I need to watch season 7 I need to consume og grumbot back on your grum and jrum. I want to know about the Son. I feel like I never seen mumbo w like. Kids around. I feel like a lot of the fics I see its like Scar and Grian so im like 👀👀👀look at my mumbo man.

I dont want to call it a bit but its 11 pm for me and my brain cant think of what its actually called so the way the bit dies on Mumbos lips as soon as he sees how upset grian is???? is ???????? I am?????/ yes.

G O D i love this!!! There's like this real heart and soul of 'something deeply serious is happening but theres an adventure here too" that makes me want to gnaw on something I love this so much kdslag

MY DOOR !!!!!! HOW DARE !!!!!!!!

fun fact this was supposed to be the second fic that went up but I finished it first sooooo cbfbfbfgf just in time for spooky season >:3c

I had a Little too much fun writing that door scene omg. I’m really trying to work on my horror writing abilities and building up suspense is always my favorite part !!! repeating phrases <3333

and GOD THE SHOP KEEPER PART !!!! all I will say is: good times ahead ;3

that hospital scene is absolutely one of my favorite bits of writing, For Sure. the build up of anxiety and guilt that grian feels, and it accumulates into him barging into mumbo’s house and yelling at him…. it sets a Wonderful stage for dragging gri in and making a mess of things.

I’m super excited to really start to dig into the lore and the happenings of the situation at hand aaaaaaa !!!! but there’s a journey here and we have to walk that journey with the characters and experience it through their eyes and <3333 it’s gonna be really fun !!!!

[diaryofanangrybitch]

ARGH

July 2024

hello it’s me again. i’m back in melbourne and settled into my usual routine again. going away was fun and cool and all that but it was also terrifying. the night before my flight, i was SOBBING. my anxiety levels were so high, i disconnected from my surroundings and sat on my glasses. there was no way i was getting on that plane. but i did (im so brave).

the first few days in amsterdam were hell. not because i didn’t want to be there or wasn’t enjoying myself, but because everything was different. i didn’t know where i was, i couldn’t eat any of the food and i didn’t have any of my usual comforts with me. i started to question why i’d come in the first place. i didn’t have to go to europe. my life at home is perfectly fine. but, i persevered and things soon started to settle.

then, the trauma hit. i didn’t realise how badly this place impacted me until we were driving through my old neighbourhood, stopping by the places that created my desire for camouflage.

every culture has certain social norms and values and in every culture, there’s pressure to fit into those norms. in the netherlands, this pressure is extreme. my time there is underpinned by a crippling fear of being mocked and rejected. there is a certain mould every person needs to fit into. It dictates what they wear, what they talk about, what their interested in, and just about everything else about their life. if you fall outside that mould, you aren’t just excluded from the pack, you’re actively targeted. and alone. there’s no group of outcasts you can join. there are no haves and have-note. there’s just haves and you.

everyone experiences some level of pressure to fit in, but this pressure was something else entirely. it was a beast you simply could not fight.

that pressure set a horrific precedent. by the time i moved back to australia, that pressure was so deeply rooted, it took years to undo. i wasn’t used to being able to have my own interests, without being mocked. i wasn’t used to being able to express myself. i wasn’t used to it being okay to be different.

i’d grown so used to being forced down a certain path, that i didn’t know it was okay for me to chose a different one.

it made me vulnerable. all these men had to do was tell me it was normal, and i wouldn’t protest. all i had to fear was shame.

the true extent of those years in that environment was unclear to me until i returned there. i felt it straight away — that unbearable pressure. walking through melbourne, there’s hundreds of people all showing off different looks and different styles. in the netherlands, theres an occasional outlier, but the variation is minimal. same makeup, same hairdo, same bags, same coats. there’s a particular style there that is so widespread, it’d rare to find another. i used to think my view of this was just exaggerated, but being back there made me realise that it wasn’t. that mould is still there, and just as strong as it was when i lived there. they know it’s there, too. i don’t keep my opinions a secret. those i spoke to said the same — the social expectations there are extensive and unreasonable.

my psychosomatic symptoms went through the roof. by the end of my trip, both my thighs were covered in bruises. that’s bad. usually, it’s just the outside of one of my legs. this time it was like two graffitied tree trunks. very uncool.

but at the end of the day, it was worth it. this was the whole reason i wanted to go back there to begin with. i wanted to remember what it was like. i wanted to see the things i’d forgotten and feel the things i’d suppressed. these reflections were exactly what i was after. they gave me more pieces of the puzzle i didn’t know i was missing.

and now, there isn’t a person on earth who could influence me into doing something i don’t want to, and there isn’t a person on earth who could convince me to sacrifice my own happiness for the comfort of others.

[unrequitedundeserved]

i feel like people stop liking me when they get to know me

it really sucks, and i dont get whats so wrong about me. It feels like a weight on my chest, and its cold, and chilling and isolating. I can never guess what it is. in any situation im somehow the outsider. ive just come to accept it, and i have friends, but we are basically our only friends. and theyre across the country. when i get to know people at school it goes nowhere. I hate it, theres no real connections here, If i open up to someone, and i dont mean spill all my traumas or experiences or whatever, I just mean be like my old self, be like the “cainy” that my mom knows, i think they get distant. i asked one friend to hang out all the time and he always says no. I also tried to get to know a girl and got rejected before I even got the chance to ask her if she wanted to hang out. I try to laugh it off but that weight looms, waiting to press down on me once again. my mom said Im no longer her “cainy” i look like a grown ass man. I think im too sensitive, everything gets to me and everything i overthink. Why cant i still be your little boy? Do i look so different? Do you no longer see me the same? What would my dad say if he saw me? Does he look different too? 

Im scared to talk to my dad or see him in person, I think he has gray hair and seeing him older will make me cry, the thought of it makes me cry. And hes gonna die thinking i hate him but Im so mixed up in the head I just cant face things anymore things get too real. im too vulnerable and maybe thats why people dont like me, im so quiet i remember one time a girl caleld me “stand offish” but i was just walking down a hallway. 

Do i look so different to people? I was already unnoticed before so whats the difference? I dont want to be like some shut in incel wierdo I just feel so alone here, or anywhere. At dinner talking to my cousin i felt like i was talking to a stranger, i felt the same way with ym aunt. I adopt so many different identites or try to attach my self to things but im just me. I wish i could still be cainy or the energetic happy curious kid you remember that you even wrote a letter to me describing how ive changed and im no longer that kid. Do you also wonder what happened to me? do you blame yourself for it? do you think your a bad mother? Im crying as i write this. I love you, i love a lot of people, Im sorry i dont show it something is just wrong with me so deeply wrong, was i just bullied? was it because I got caled a deformed child and got my looks made fun of for years? did that change me or was it high school teachers kicking me out of their class becuase I was too stupid and putting me on suicide watch. Do you wish I was a different kid? sometimes I forget that I was a mistake, and you didnt mean to have me. Im sorry, im sorry that you couldnt be with that man that you would write letters in red ink to, that sounds like real love to me and i Robbed you of that. My existence robbed you of finding real love and im sorry, I am cain the murder the cursed doomed to walk alone. I cant pay any price higher than that so this is my repentance. Your not a bad mother, your going to grow old and get gray hair and die and I will be there i promise, but i still will wonder if I am a mistake to you, i remember one time you asked me why cant i be like lee, was that the son you wanted? im not angry as i write this, not in the slightest, i actually feel guilty. guilty that i cant be what you wanted, not the son or the type of son, i became a quiet loser and I wonder if you would be happier if you still got to write letters to that man you loved. I never feel angry at these things, i always put the guilt on me. 

I wish you couldve been happier, but I feel like your going to die feeling like this, and i wont get to change that because I cant. Dad will also die thinking i hate him, my life is so fucked up and I dont know how to change it. I cant change me. 

When that girl rejected me I listened to “Tonight, Tonight” on the way home. I opened the gate and checked the mail as the song hit its climax, and started shaking in tears, everything was too much then. But I wasn’t mad, I was just learning to deal with that as a person. I did like her but she was going to travel to paris and then the world, what could i give to someone like that? someone who has seen everything there is to have and would somehow choose me? It was impossible from the getgo, but for some ignorant reason I still wondered the possibility.

This is getting to long, im so goddamn wierd.

[catnherthoughts]

delusion? maybe? 11/20 4:44am

i've come to the very rational decision that nothing really matters. ant not in a nihilistic " i should kill myself there's no point in this life" sort of way. more so alluding to the fact that this could all very well be an illusion, a simulation, something that was created just to let things play out. to be frank, we could all be in a sims 4 game right now, being controlled, or even npc's just being side characters in someone else's story. every experience that i've ever gone through lives in a memory. then in turn, a dream. something to look back at but never a state that you can change or something that can be brought back. in these same ways, stories that have been told to me by others live in my head. i could just be partaking in some sort of delusion that kicks in after a certain point of night after not taking my medication properly but at least now i can experience this side of my mind. the way that everyone takes everything so seriously pisses me off. i understand that everyone has their own personal moral compass and such but theres a certain point where you just need to live life, ya know? or else, you'll end up as an angry old person who is upset at the fact that they never got to fully live. yes, i will make out with random men at parties, partake in premarital sex, get my heart broken, do drugs, drink, but thats just what i feel makes me feel at the moment and i have no shame in any of my habits, regardless of what is pushed upon me by those who are too scared to follow my footsteps. why fear anything when there is joy and purpose in everything. i could sit back in my room, never leave, and box myself into myself to cope with the fact that things could go wrong sometimes, or i could live my life as its my last (maybe im at the end of my karmic cycle who knows) and just live for self sustenance and pleasure. i love being myself, making my silly little mistakes, writing about how i see the world, laughing, releasing, and having fun. all that goes well shows you the pleasures that life has to give and all that goes poorly can teach you something. this is why i keep moving through life. yes, my mental disorders can take a hold of me and i could just kill myself because of a deep set hatred of my place in this world, or i could just keep going because why not? im a strong believer that everything, yes everything, happens for a reason. while it may not be apparent in the moment that it fills your body with a warm feeling or when it rips your heart out of your chest, eventually you understand. this is what i try to remind myself in these moments. we are put on earth for whatever reason there is, so might as well enjoy the time you spend here. be kind to the earth, spread love, have fun, etc. there is nothing like the feeling of kissing someone for an extended period of time. the way that you are in your own head but also in such a close proximity to someone else. how the thoughts race through your head about how you're kissing them, what you think theyre thinking, being the the moment in general. being a girl in this life was such a blessing. the emotional depth i was blessed with is so nice. i can feel things, way more deeply than they should ever be felt. emotion in its purest form. i've been told many times that i am a healer. that i've been placed on this earth to help people and while it can be draining, to think that i can be that kind of support for someone. even if after i have given my healing, they feel as if they have no use for me and leave, at least i can say that i helped them in the way they needed. its now 5:38 and while im not tired i feel as if anything that i write from nowon will not be productive so i will stop here, but if youve stumbled upon this i hope some of the points i brought up spark thought within yourself.

xoxo cathy

[undyinglantern]

just to be clear i ive known abt the song for months bc. okay, heres what happened. yt recommended gbgb and i liked it so i added it to the playlist, but i was too focused on upcoming vctn album that i put aside listening to them for until after. so next day, after i'd listened to chaos album and probably a few hours to get it out of my system, i listened through their discography (starting from oldest album→newest) and cysm was the first i came across and liked. but i only listened to it like once bc i still had vctn on the brain for the next idk how many months. it was actually antiromantic that slowly wormed its way into my brain, which is the song that piqued my interest to look into their stuff more deeply (theres other groups i got into inbetween all this but thats besides the point). it was also their chaos chapter and b-sides of their latest album that i got hooked on though bc i am -at my very core- always and forever in my emo phase so i didnt watch the music video for cysm until literally yesterday. BUT

i dont think ive ever felt this strongly about a music video before or maybe im just a sucker for symbolism but i was so blown away like it felt like i'd watched an arthouse film or something (in a complimentary way; i mean nothing pretentious). idk how to explain it but it was more than just a 'tug on my emotions' or 'fun and pretty to watch' experience; like, 0x1=lovesong is a 'tug @ emotions' song and the mv serves amplifies that, while gbgb is more of the latter for both song and video. idk i dont think im making sense, or maybe i dont pay enough attention to enough mvs to experience it enough, but it was just such a good combination of the two and really left me feeling like the final experience was 'greater that the sum of its part' sort of deal.

[videostak]

rly enjoy this thing im doing where i buy albums from the record store hear and listen to them all and then take the downtown to sell and keep the ones that they dont buy. cause its like a gamble where i could get smthn but then sell it but itd still be a good experience just having it for that short time.  like obv am not gonna do this with albums that i deeply love but like with what ive been buuying now its been a v fun lil experiment. im planning on taking my albums sometime prolly around id say around tuesday or monday. its like 14 albums or so and theres some i rly wanna get rid of due to it getting locked in grooves often but i prolly wont be able to sell that traffic LP since its way too trashed but ill take it just in case and if not ill try to clean it as much as i can + it has  acool cover so i dont mind having it around lol. but yaaa its cool im prolly gonna go look for some more records tomorrow and then spend the weekend doing more cleaning and then go sell what i can tuesday or wednesday :D

[yioh]

Hey Yura! You've been reblogging posts on what looks really good wlw mangas lately and I'm dying for some good recommendations (especially since u have great taste🌸🌸)! Could you maybe list what you're reading (or watching) and what vibe each story has?

Hope you're having a great day and I'm sending lots of love your way!!!

hi hiii !!! sorry for taking so long to reply >_< i wanted to properly write an answer and then i .. never found time aaaaaaaa but here are my faves !!!!

relationship guidelines - this one is a manhwa about these 2 girls who have been friends since they were born !!! myeong in is aloof and rarely shows her emotions and is 'cold hearted' and ji won is cute and quirky and super flirty and overall a dumbass 101, somehow they find themselves kissing eachother and their relationship becomes ........ something they cant seem to understand themselves jsdhdkjh, i rly love this manhwa its so funny and so pretty and the characters r so fun and relatable its so lovely !!!! the pacing is so good too

not so shoujo love story - fellas this one . this one is SO good omfg its the funniest webtoon ever like the humour is just complete crack kldhkjh, its abt a 'delinquent' girl called rei who is in love w her senior (called ...ochinchin ... because... he has a massive chin..) and she rly rly wants ur typical shoujo style romance, only, plot twist the one whos in love w her isnt the cool popular senpai guy (who might be ??an alien??) but the perfect pretty vice president hanna !!!! its SO so cute also super slowburn and SO wholesome , also theres so much tension between hanna and rei i dshjsdhfh, the art style is GORGEOUS and the writing is amazing and i just . its a masterpiece pls read it, altho its hilarious its also ... so gentle and so loving i :')

she is still cute today - a slice of life abt wholesome puppy qi lin who is kinda an outcast and how she befriends a girl called cang shu, someone who prioritises her grades over everything else, to the point she barely has a life. its a story abt how they positively influence eachothers lives for the better and heal with eachother through their simple everyday school life(also mega mega mega slowburn, theyre friends rn but also ... gfs somehow lol)  :) its v funny ad cute and pretty also theres a bonus mlm side couple that r rly funny lol, they have a rly gay friendship group and its SO cute and wholesome 

tamen de gushi - i havent caught up w this in ages rip sdhjdsh but its just a cute slice of life abt 2 girls who befriend eachother and one of them has a HUGEEEEEE crush on the other, v v v v wholesome !!!!

still sick! - oh my god . this one is a masterpiece..... its a manga that revolves around shimizu, this super dorky girl that has a secret hobby of drawing doujinshi of her fave wlw ships lmao, and her work place colleague, maekawa, finds out about her secret hobby and barges into her everyday life and changes it in a way that she'll never expect ! from the synopsis it sounds p average but god the LAYERS this manga has . it deals w burn outs and love for drawings and has such wonderful characterisation and writing and the characters r so vibrant and fun and !!!!! the romance !!!!! they r so so so cute like i genuinely got butterflies at this kssdhkjdsh

soulmate - this manhua is so unique !! so its abt this girl who switches body w her teenage self, so she gets to experience falling in love with her lover all over again whilst her teenage self finds herself, 27 years old, and dating a girl ????!!! it deals with regret and first love and loneliness and dreams and just . i was v cautious abt this one because it could get weird but it was so beautiful and respectful and so .. melancholy and yet cute and joyful... the art is also so pretty !!!

bloom into you - this one’s an anime and its about a girl called yuu who believes she isn’t capable of falling in love even though she always longed to have that feeling, and then she meets her senpai, touko. somehow they get into a relationship where they brush hands and kiss secretly in the student council room after school and know all of eachothers secrets, touko tells her not to fall in love with her and yet yuu... doesn’t even understand her own feelings. ok as for vibes, its just TENDER tender TE n d er and . sad and it will make u so touch starved oh my god. its a very beautiful story and the soundtrack, colours and general vibe of the story is so nice and the characters r so freaking well written u will melt, i rly rly love this anime alot lmao its one of the very few romance anime i really adore, it doesn’t feel cringey at all and all the characters feel so painfully real ? its so good !!!!!!!!!!

that time I was blackmailed by the class’ green tea bitch - ok ok ik the title sounds wack but this is actually one of my faves rn, it’s just the softest cutest high school love story and it’s the perfect amount of funny and adorable and the art is also super cute and the relationship with the mc and her mum is so cute I’m 🥺 also it goes into other topics like academic pressure and loneliness (not too deeply tho) and it’s just a v good read … as of now it’s ongoing and has 17 chapters :)

i have some more i havent read yet :’) but these ones r 10/10 i hope u enjoy them !!!