#like it would be weird if that *didnt* happen because yk thats just how she Is but

[grumpybunny-edith]

Gwen's Bunny HRT - Month 1 (Part 1)

I look at my reflection for what feels like the hundredth time today, waffling on how to do it. All the other girls have already gone through all this, and compared to their one-month photos, I feel... Behind. Delilah had already started growing fur in some places, and Edith already had a little bit of tail growing in. Sure, it looked a little weird without any fur on it, but... I’ve got nothing there but soreness. Is it even worth celebrating? Like, “oh yay, my ears look longer if you squint and my teeth look a little sillier”.  

I take a deep breath and dig my toes into my carpet, feeling pain flare up in them. It just started a couple days ago — maybe it would be better to wait until something came of it? Until walking on my toes didn’t hurt so bad, or even felt better than walking on my heels? 

I feel a tiny impulse at the small of my back, my spine apparently doing its best to wiggle at its base. Am I... unconsciously wagging my tail? The soreness that comes with it matches what the other girls had talked about. I smile, showing my reflection my weird teeth and the pain subsides a little. 

“Bunnies wag their tails when they’re upset,” Edith had told me once. It’s warming to feel how right she is, to feel like I actually belong, even for a second. It’s not that the other girls haven’t done a good job of making me think so; it’s just hard to see all of them so far along and then to look at myself. 

I set my phone down and stare at myself for a while. I imagine the fur suddenly sprouting up all across my body, shiny and soft. I imagine my ears getting so tall they graze the doorway. I imagine my tail, tiny and fluffy, poking out just about the hem of my sweatpants. It makes me smile and laugh at myself, and I feel a bit of pride in my teeth. They’ll look better coupled with everything else, I think. 

I hear my phone buzz, trying to avoid convincing myself it’s because my hearing has spontaneously improved. I laugh it off and check what it was. 

raeraebun: Hey girl!! Today’s one month, right?? Where’s the update??

I smile and blush instinctively. Rae and I don’t chat that much, but every time we do it lifts my whole mood. She’s also dropped by my place a couple times because she “made too many brownies and just had to make a delivery”. 

wen-kutesuli: Hey! Idk if I’m gonna do it today honestly lol 

raeraebun: Aww, why not? i mean like do whatever you want obvi but. you okay?

I sigh. I know I can probably tell her, it’ll almost definitely be fine, and she probably has something great to say. But it doesn’t make it any easier to say it. I’m almost embarrassed to still feel the way that I do even after her and Edith’s constant preaching of “loving yourself wherever you are”. 

wen-kutesuli: Yeah I’m okay lol. Just kinda 

wen-kutesuli: Wish I had more to show, I guess? 

Rae’s response comes quite literally instantly. 

raeraebun: GWENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

raeraebun: okay 

raeraebun: lemme show you something 

When Rae comes back after a couple minutes of digging, she sends me a picture of some random girl with hair like her own, followed by five closeups of a pretty standard human ear. 

raeraebun: so like

raeraebun: this was from january last year 

raeraebun: Id been on hrt for like. a month and a half to the day

raeraebun: I had taken a picture of myself every day since starting my regimen

raeraebun: and didnt see anything until that picture when FINALLY 

raeraebun: my ears had grown the tiniest little bit. 

raeraebun: I didnt stop screaming about it all day lol ashley got so sick of it 

raeraebun: and yk what happened next?

raeraebun: they stayed just like that for three more weeks LMAO

Rae has this way of making people smile and cry their eyes out at the same time. 

raeraebun: so... be nice to yourself? its not gonna happen all at once, and thats ok. every little bit is worth, like

raeraebun: I dunno 

raeraebun: a thousand parties

wen-kutesuli: That’s a lot of parties 

raeraebun: and you earn every single one of them :) 

I sit in stunned silence so pleased I don’t know what to do with myself. My body wants some kind of release, and I let it have one, laying face down and kicking my feet so quickly and so hard into the floor it probably upset the people below me. 

raeraebun: you dont have to, but we all wanna celebrate with you :D 

wen-kutesuli: Thank you 🩵 Maybe I’ll do it 

raeraebun: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

raeraebun: GO GWENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

---

Thank you to @flightlessbirdgirl for helping me decide on Gwen's username and for letting me bounce ideas off it!

Next

[blonde-tori-spring555]

ugh i hate when i feel on the verge of a panic attack

imma rant for a sec soz, u dont have to read the whole thing

...

im just so stressed rn, with school, family, friends and ive got like two auditions i need to prepare for and tbh i just feel anxious for no reason, i feel like im getting 'bad' again, like were i was just in my room and doing the same thing everyday and my brain hated that, and i just felt numb, like i dont think im depressed or anything like idk, i feel like i should explain what happened to originally make me feel like this, i wont go into full detail ect, but yeh

basically i was friends with this girl (we met at performing arts classes) and she i guess never rlly treated me amazing and was always slightly werid for example (not saying this is weird but from the way she is irl and they way she sounded seemed strange) so last year i was facetiming her and i was like "oh btw ive got a bf now", and she kinda seemed a bit Awkard, like her smile faded and she was just kinda like "oh thats great for u" a bit numbly (i should probs mention she isnt straight and for all ik she is bi) and then instantly changes the subject to "oh btw i was thinking of asking out-" and yeh we talked about it, anyway i spoke to my mum how i thought it was a bit weird and my mum said "oh hahaha maybe she has a crush on u" and im (pretty sure im) straight so like i didnt know how to react, anyway fast forward she started to act rlly weird and yeh, like kinda being a bit dramatic about stuff, anyway one week, this was in October, i didnt rlly text her because i was rlly busy, i was hanging out with my school friends and stuff, and i wanna say she could of text me and i would of responded, maybe not right away but i would of told her i was a bit busy if she had asked, but no, one of our friends told us she was upset that i hadnt been texting her and that i should, yk so i did, and she didnt respond, then she left our performing arts gc (with our friends in it from there) so i asked her why and two days later she responded saying she felt she didnt fit it, and at this point i was kinda sick of this drama so i was by choice not gonna text her for a few days and take care of myself, then one day while at school she send me a fucking video (like a capcut edit) basically calling me and my friends from theatre bad friends, and saying i need to send it to them, anyway i didnt and we told the woman that owns our company, and btw my mum knew the whole time, from when she started acting strange, and my mum was saying to the woman that owned the company, that she will call the poice if needed and if it has been sent out and posted (the video had my face in it), then she text me calling my mum stupid and calling me stupid so i blocked her, and after that i told her we are not friends and to leave me alone, then in December i repeated we are not friends but im not sitting here being pissed anymore so like forget about the shit and move on BUT WE ARE NOT FRIENDS, anyway this bs has been dragged on for like 5-6 months and she fucking keeps harassing me to the point ive had to block her on all platforms. anyway yeh :)

[angelwolf985]

finished watching supernatural s1-15 in 3 months! here are my opinions on the finale!

(warning: probably unintelligible, and very ranty) (+ obvious spoiler warning)

episode 18 was fuckin emaculate. genuinly. it was amazing. the one thing i didnt like about it was how it jumped about, same with 19.( i dont blame them for it tho, it makes sense with the story, i just didnt really love it.) 19 was good for the most part and served as a decent ending but was missing castiel and eileen (mention + presence) which sucked but what can you expect yk,,

episode 20. i have. so many issues with episode 20. WHY DID THEY EVEN????? LIKE TWO MENTIONS OF CAS, NO MENTION OF EILEEN, DEAN FUCKING DIEING, SAMS WIG, ???HEAVEN BEING LACKLUSTER???? it was so. just disappointing. cuz it could've been great. the end part of 20 was the only good part (jared and jensen signing off of the show). the show should've ended on 19 tbh. thats how im seeing it anyway. in my mind thats where it ended, but like, with cas and eileen back.

what i really disliked:

deans death. im pretty sure everyone hated that. and the whole like thing of him dying was really,, sorta,, weird? like; why did it go on so long?? did it happen bc he doesnt have god given plot armor anymore or was it just cuz?did jack see it? how did he feel about it? did he care or did he be all omniscient because he became god?? how did he survive that long? logistically? there was a fucking rusty rebar thing IN HIS SPINE (or like RIGHT NEXT TO IT??). WOULD THAT NOT?? PARALYZE?? OR WORSE???. and, im sorry, but i hated the forehead touch. it felt weird man. i get that they were close but,, not that close? even when they were more unhealthily codependent they wouldn't have done that. i think so anyway. i dunno. also. DEAN HAS SHOWN MULTIPLE TIMES AND IM SURE THE WRITERS WERE OVERTLY AWARE THAT DEAN DID NOT WANT TO DIE ON THE JOB. HE WANTED TO RETIRE WITH SAM AND CAS. ALWAYS WANTED THAT. he often said shit like "we're gonna die on the job, draw the short stick, thats just how it is, how its gonna end for us." (mixing quotes from the top of my head so, not exact) which he clearly thought would happen because pessimism but he NEVER wanted that. for HIMSELF or SAM. dean dying in this episode IS A CRITICAL DISSERVICE TO HIS CHARACTER.

sams mystery wife and (non mystery) child. BLURRY FACE WIFE. WHY IS SHE. WHY. also- how did he recover (seemingly) so quickly? i mean- if he really believed dean was gone FOREVER. when death hasnt meant forever in forever, how would he be so okay? idk. also, idk why, but sam having a kid seems very bizzare. could just be me. also. where tf is eileen. is she the blurry face wife? why would they do that if yes? (could be a load or reasons, either way they couldve like, said it was eileen, if it was supposed to,, idk,,,)

one or two mentions of castiel. did the writers just forget his CHARACTER IMPORTANCE?!?!? HES SO IMPORTANT TO THE STORY??? HE GRIPPED DEAN TIGHT AND RAISED HIM FROM PERDITION. HE LOVED DEAN. DEAN (INARGUABLY) LOVED HIM BACK. he (castiel) deserved SO. much better. my friend who has watched spn since she was a baby AGREES WITH ME. i GRRR I GRR I GRRR!!!! cas not being in this episode is such an aggravating disservice to his character. he deserved more. the fans deserved more.

alright im done ranting now. may add more on later. im gonna go rewatch the show and read fix it fics.

[quettasecond]

LC PART 1 SUMMARY

the prologue is a hint towards eis existence! shes not mentioned at all in part one as she isnt actually. introduced yet and hasnt made her way to where everything is happening, but the prologue implies her existence! it follow an unnamed girl who "reawakened" and is covered in dirt (meant to imply she. you know. dug herself out of the ground)

in chapter one, aib and her soon-to-be-dead friend, ichimi, are hanging out in a bathroom together after aib was browsing her parents personal emails. ichimi mentioned knowing someone other than aib and she had to suppress her anger. also rereading this in some lines it feels ichimi has a hint of... innocence? is that the word? that you might associate with ei, and it reminds me of weird ei-ichimi paralells that probably arent actually paralells i just dont know what other word to use. ichimi was actually named after ei (i talked about it in a different post). aib is referring to this one barely mentioned side character via surname meanwhile ichimi is calling them their given name, interesting thing about aib being more distant about. everyone i guess. and ichimi being warm and friendly

still on chapter oen sorry just a new bullet point becayse thats a lot of words there. i almost didnt realise the car situation was gonna happen in this chapter. how could i forget. talking about her parents and her relationship, aibreann said "[we] seemed less like a family and more like roommates, if you could even call [us] that". then she ran across a busy street because she was impacient, and suddenly a strange guy knocked into her (to save her from a car that was going to hit her) and asked her what her problem is. his foot got run over and aib immediately went Omg awesome gorey foot... like there were two paragraphs dedicated to aib thinking about the gore. he then picked her up to carry her to her address, aibreanm thought "i shouldnt tell a stranger my address" then did exactly that. also i remember someone i showed like just this chapter to thought this man was aibs father LOL unfortunately not

chap 2. the man introduced himself as kane. he had to tell her that her knees got scraped and were kind of bloody cuz she didnt notice. shes so aggressive(? well not exactly aggressive shes just swearing internally and rolling her eyes and stuff) and sarcastic to him. he tucked aibreann in with a blanket and is leaving blood all over the floor from walking around. he made her tea and tended to her scrapes. then he started to realise Oh fuck my foot hurts and he left. she tried to mop all the blood kane left all over the floor before her dad gets home but she fails and kind of trips and falls into the blood and her dad comes home and she gets up and limps away

i just realised this is probably gonna be kind of long lol... well no read more for you my followers must be strong enough to handle one billion words of oc stuff at once

chap 3. were immediately hit by multiple paragraphs of exposition. maybe i couldve done that better instead of having aib internally monologue about her magic bs but whatever this was written like one a 2/3rds of a year ago. now shes starting to wonder if things would be better if she was dead. two new one time side characters that just exist to be talked about once mentioned. honestly if i ever went over part 1 and rewrote part of it i might just remove these two. which luckily means i just remove a few sentences in one chapter. their "existence" was fine before but now im starting to feel these random people being mentioned fucks with what i started to build up afterwards yk. she changes into a clean uniform and mentions she usually ditches the sweatervest with hers. now shes wanting to die again

i hear my nephew outside my door i might see whats up with him goodbye to this post for now

[jokeson-u]

here is my rant/review on the movie bros so spoilers below the cut

look. i didnt hate it. it was funny. but most the laugh out loud funny parts were in the trailer, and werent as funny in the context of the actual scenes somehow. there were still definitely really funny moments outside of that but idk i was expecting more. also billy eichners character bobby was funny and all but god i hate people like that (which was awkward cus i have my sister next me whispering about how much she relates LMAO).

but in terms of my more serious issues with it.

1. there was several graphic sex scenes and i guess 1 was kinda of good to keep, but the others were sooo unnecessary imo. like 1 was funny ig but 1 was just like ... ok.. anyways.. and listen. listen. i understand especially from the opening scene and the rest of the movie basically that part of the point is gay people should havent to make themselves more palatable for straight society but my GOD i have never seen a straight romcom that explicit and idk about u guys but it seemed to be marketed as a more or less family friendly movie. like a take ur parents to it bc we're trying to normalize gay people in mainstream romcoms, ya know?? no. NO. do not bring ur parents. and i guess i sound like an asshole about that because yea queers shouldnt be marketable to hets but idk man.. its just so not a good introduction to normalizing big screen lgbtq+ movies like this bc as a queer person i was uncomfortable and id imagine the straights even more so and YES I KNOW WE SHOULDNT CARE but we cant be like 'see gay romcoms are for everyone!' and shove unnecessary and uncomfortably explicit sex scenes that dont belong in any movie esp one thats marketed the way it was.

2. i was actually sort of confused because i thought one of the main themes in the story was that the mc bobby was like. overly 'woke' i guess and really critical of everything, mostly from an lgbtq perspective. then there was the love interest aaron who thought bobby was really overly cynical. there was multiple instances in the movie where bobby would kind of ruin the mood by complaining about how something is homophobic in some way or another, and aaron or another character would kinda be like ..... and . i really thought one the things we were supposed to be following was how aaron helps bobby balance his views more. but. that never happens. like, we get more explanation on why bobby feels he has to be critical about stuff but like he just continues to basically be a buzzkill about shit and aaron just has to accept it and idk. i feel like the rest of the direction was really weird if the point wasnt bobby becoming a little more leveled??

3. ok so. this was one of my bigger issues i guess. i need to give some plot background: bobby and aaron agreed to 'not date' but basically end up dating for a while. aarons family comes to the city for christmas and bobby is gonna meet them and aaron asks him to just sort of be a little chill with them bc theyre accepting and all but yk. theyre his parent and bobby is really intense about stuff. bobby doesnt really take kindly to that even tho he acts to aaron like he gets it, and basically like. brings the family on a tour for the city and talks about the craziest shit like "oh this is where the first sex something something idk happened" "this is where the dyke march happened" stuff like that and aaron gets pissed at him and is like dude can u please just tone it down and bobbys like "what u want me to be less myself with them?" and aaron is like "?! kind of rn yes." and bobbys like ok fine. and they go to dinner and bobby gets into an argument with the mom who is a 2nd grade teacher about teaching lgbt stuff to kids that young and everytime they agree to disagree he keeps going and then goes on a tangent about sex positivity being important to children and how when he was a kid and his parents took him to some show where there was naked men and he literally just kept talking about their penises and how many penises he saw and oh my god. after the night ended aaron was pissed at him and bobby got so mad and was saying how aaron is just like everyone in his life whos tried to make him hide who he is and stuff. aaron tells him hes leaving to meet w a guy whos into him. bobby finds them making out which yes was wrong of aaron but technically they were both making a big deal from the get go that they werent relationship people and stuff. the rest of that half of the movie for aaron is basically having to make it up to bobby and apologize for making him hide himself??? and the only time bobby apologizes is after aaron has to again and again and says he felt bobby was talking about all that stuff to his parents on purpose and bobby said "i was. im sorry for that." THAT WAS HIS APOLOGY??? Im sorry but like yes be urself and if aaron loves how intense u are somehow great but theres a fucking time and place. dont fucking cross ur parnters boundries bc u didnt communicate ur issues with them, especially when it isnt that hard of a boundry to not cross. i just really disliked the framing of it. sorry but yea if my partner was really inappropriate or excessive about complaints about straight people and was meeting my parents i WOULD ask them to be chill and id fucking hope they wouldnt jeaprodize my relationship with either them or my parents by being like 'well i wanna say whatever i wanna say to anyone i want so i dont care if my partner is uncomfortable with these topics in front of this audience.' like even aarons brother finds out and is like dude u gotta make it up to him. what????? that shit really bothered me as someone who has been in scenarios similar to that with my friends

[hwangsies]

I feel so fucking alone bruh

I suck at uni, barely have any friends and have literally not left my house in two weeks. Just now i was talking to my mom abt it but all she had to say was pff i never had many friends either. But then again what did i expect, a hug? right

Last night i was supposed to go out with a friend but she cancelled on me last minute because she was feeling sick, like thats no problem at all, i mean yea i was bummed bc i was excited to get out of the house again but like dont force yourself to go out with me if you feel bad yk?

Anyway i texted my bestfriend, who recently moved a little further away which kinda made it so we cant see each other as much anymore, that said friend had cancelled on me and that i feel shitty bc im hanging around at home again.

I texted her at like 7 pm she answered at 2 am saying „why didnt you say something you could’ve come to my cousins birthday party with me“ which i know she didnt mean maliciously but like,,, i did say something tho?

Maybe im being dramatic, i dont know i just feel left behind.

I know i basically abandoned this account and am a sucky moot but i literally didnt know where else to vent.

Now im sitting on my bed after the interaction above with my mother took place like 15 minutes ago, crying. After her comment i just left for my room again, knowing it wont happen but silently hoping that she maybe realised that what i told her wasnt about her but again, i was disappointed.

I could tell her shes being a narcissist, that she always was one but then i would just get the „yea ur right im such an awful mother“ treatment and i dont trust myself to not chuck a plate at her if i have to hear that again.

You know she has never in my 21 years of life apologised to me, let alone comforted me when i cried alone in my room after a fight, which we regularly had.

Shes not a bad mother though, i relate to her alot and we’re similar in alot of ways shich is probably why we fought so much while i was growing up. Shes fun and chill and mostly uncomplicated, cynical and blunt which i always admired and never held me to weirdly high academic standards.

Im more sensitive than her tho, which i get from my dad, which i dont think she can handle very well, sometimes yes, other times it ends like it did just now; me crying in my room and her being clueless.

Or maybe she isnt clueless and just doesn’t feel like dealing with me. But that would make her seem awful and i don’t want to think of her like that.

My father is sweet, often times oblivious though and not as „life smart“ as my mom, (is that mean to say? Idk) he avoids us on purpose when we got into a fight.

He is extremely non confrontational and never takes sides, if he does its my mothers because he doesn’t want to be her next target probably. He cant stand up to her like me and my brother can.

But i guess thats the only pro of being raised by someone like that. The biggest con however is that i find myself displaying that narcissistic victim mentality sometimes too.

I dont know how that friend cancelling on me yesterday snowballed into this weird lovechild between a whiny complaint and an autobiography lol but i guess i had it pent up.

If you’ve read this far.. lmao why? but thanks for listening i guess <3

[libretitamortal]

I’d love to hear more of your Tony/Maria thoughts. For me I liked their meeting better in 21 and though I miss the light heartedness of their relationship, it was interesting seeing Maria point out a lot of societal issues to Tony. It’s a difficult couple to write Imo

Omgomg i finnally have the chance to go off

They sure are difficult to write i mean with what happened in the fight, with bernardo and riff and chino and then tony going to maria like nothing happened and begging (but not really) for her forgivness bc a womans love clears all mens sins.... i cant be that mad tho there's just something very special about them, for me at least, but some of it did made me mad in 2021 and i'll tell you why.

Well, i'll begin the the good bc i do agree with you nonny, i really loved how active Maria was in this ver, it felt like a different character than 1961 in some ways, it's as if she had more screentime too and i smiled every time she spoke bc she was speaking in spanish and in facts. How she spoke her mind to her brother and sis-in-law and then to tony to tell him how pointless and ridiculous a fight between both sides is bc one side is in clear disadvantage against the other... and bc she just doesn't want anyone to get hurt!!!!!! And what bothers me about the train scene is that tony was always trying to get the conversation to focus on him and his side, and yk what i get it! Riff is his bestie but why is he constantly bringing him up to get Maria to stop talking about stopping the fight.

another thing is that Maria also talked about her future plans, going to college, and doing something with her life (which wasn't something she brought up in 1961) and it just never gets adressed ever again(?) It could have been useful to support their plan to run away together but it just wasn't used because of reasons.

And then we have tony *takes a deep breath* i have a problem with 2021 tony and i'm tired of pretending i'm not. I'm gonna ignore the fact that he was played by *@&#*$&#*$# and go straight to the way he was writeen. It was fine until that scene in the mini market *cries in latina* and then he said he wanted to find a puerto riqueña girl just like doc because???? I dont even remember but thats enough for me to remember, it felt like he just wanted someone like that bc he envisioned the "perfect couple" and thats what it looked like (and tbh i feel as if he didn't change that mindset much but anyway). And the way he cuts maria off when she's talking about something important, more important that whatever relationship he has with his ex gang, is just weird.

There was something else about tony but right now i dont remember ;-;

Now....what i really have a problem with is the way THAT scene on the bedroom was handled. I know it's like the most controversial part of the show bc why would Maria sleep with the guy who killed her beloved brother. But at least 1961 tony explained why he did it, he said he had no choice bc her brother had killed his bestie (still questionable but yeah) and 2021 tony explained....nothing he didnt say a damn thing to try to get maria to calm down a little, he just stayed there waiting for maría to get over her completely understandable breakdown and he was ready to go before making sure she was ok i'm- *flips a table*

I guess there are other things that people smarter than me could point out but this is just what came to my mind first.

Even as i say all this, i really love wss 2021, every musical number is larger than life and the way so many things changed form 1961 and worked better than 1961 makes me so happy. This was actually the only movie i was excited for during the last 3-4 years i think. But 1961 is also close to my heart bc there's something about that ver that is really dreamy (the meeting scene for example) while 2021 went for a more realistic aproach. I love both of them. But i'm a sucker fo the "and the world disapeared leaving only them" trope in romance.

I could go on and on about what i liked about wss 2021 but this is already a long post 😭.

But yeah i think my biggest problem with this ver. is tony and maria's relationship. Everything else was chef's kiss.

[stfulia]

Hi chat

Hi, wtf tho?.

I met this friend (P) last year and i quickly started to trust him, which is weird cause of my trust issues. The reason i felt so confy was because he did NOT know the people i was talking about. (pd: i dont talk shit about them, just overthink about the way i feel about them). So basically the first thing i talked about when i started being friends with him was that friends becoming friends with my friends lowkey made me feel bad, cause many times before, had happened to me that they become BETTER friends between each other and i was left out. He said he agreed and that he feels the same. I dont really care about them just being friends, i just dont want them to "replace" me or make me feel left out by my OWN friends. (ig thats understandable)

So i have this other online friend (OF-online friend cause why not) who i know for like 4 years now. I appreciate a lot my online friends cause ive always trusted them in order to talk about feelings, i guess because i dont feel it THAT much real as it would feel if i vented irl. I like to gatekeep my onine friends because i have some bad trust issues thinking they could tell whatever im talking about to someone else. I know im a bit paranoid but i literally cant help it, i need that kind of TRUST in order to feel confortable around you.

Then, few months ago, i dont really know how, but OF sent a friend request on instagram AND bereal to P, cause when i really love my friends, i talk about them with others and they knew each other because of that. Firstly i asked P to not accept it, cause he KNEW that annoyed me a bit. Well, he did, and also said "yeah but i dont talk with her" and i was like "okay, youre right". Then they started to react to each others bereals and they NEVER react to mine, which made me feel a bit weird ngl. But then ONE DAY i just know they started talking by photos via instagram. And they talked about their personal stuff, THINGS THAT THEY DONT TALK WITH ME, LIKE???.

Okay, so when they started talking i acted like i didnt care, cause i decided to trust them and i liked them to get along very well. But one day, OF asked me if P was flirting with her, which was like 💀💀💀. Ofc i asked him (p) and he said he was just joking and that she wasnt even his type, which i actually do believe. But since OF saw that i was lowkey jealous of them being that """flirty""" she jokes about having a crush on him and dating him or sexual stuff that i dont even want to talk about. Ofc i took everything as a joke, cause it was JUST a joke, right?.

Time passed and when i met with P irl, cause we often do, he is constantly taking pictures about everything to reply to OF. And i admit that it makes me jealous, he is very friendly with me, he is VERY affectionate* and i lowkey just wanna fell special ig. I guess im just overreacting but i cant help but feeling this way. So, the thing is, lately, he has been acting distant with me. Yes ofc he has more things to do than me, but yk, i always start the conversation, and it feels like whenever i text him, he is just distracted, i doesnt feel like him anymore. YES, THERES THE CHANCE HES BEEN FEELING BAD FOR ANY REASON BUT IF HE DOESNT EVEN TELL ME, HOW CAN I KNOW???.

*P is just like a best friend to me. I am very very closed to people, i struggle receiving any type of affection, but with him, for some reason, i like to receive hugs, very long hugs. A long hug while watching a movie, if you get me.

So this afternoon, P texted me first (i was even excited) and asked me to play roblox this night. And i was genuinely HAPPY cause i just wanted to spend time with him. Then OF texts me saying that we were gonna play roblox but with her (OF) and another loved online friend of mine(OF2). So what i could only think about was that he has been dry to me while he was planning playing roblox with them💀. YES, I KNOW they ALL invited me, but the starting point was NOT TALKING TO MY ONLINE FRIENDS, and i have tolerated TOO MUCH with OF, i cant tolerate it nomore with OF2. SO, i told P that i dont really feel like it because i dont like them being friends with each other. AND THEN P TOLD OF THAT HE COULDNT PLAY CAUSE OF ME. AND THAT MADE ME SO MAD. CAUSE WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TELL HER THAT?? IT WASNT NECESSARY. I know its the truth, but sometimes, truth just needs to sit in silence between those who know it.

AND, what did you do? Call me inmature, call me jealous, call me toxic, call me avoidant, IDC. I just need to push away them, push away EVERYONE, so i lowkey ghosted them. I TOLD THEM THAT I NEEDED SPACE AND TIME TO PROCESS WHATEVER IM FEELING AND I MADE MYSELF CLEAR THAT THEY CAN BE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER IF THEY WANT TO, JUST KNOW I WONT LIKE IT. But i feel like they didnt get it cause their response is rude and mean. I mean, i dont expect them to talk to me like a princess, but who is annoyed here is I, me, myself, not you wtf?.

SO YEAH, THATS PRETTY MUCH WHAT HAPPENED AND WHAT I THINK OF. I just wanted to vent cause now i lowkey cant (my closest friends are them and now i cant tell anyone my feelings), and if you have something to say ill ofc be super happy to read it.

SORRY IF THERE WAS A MISTAKE OR SMTH, ENGLISH IS NOT MY FRIST LANGUAGE, and sorry for the HUGE text.

Thanks chat.

[am3ricanj3sus]

5/3

no song of the day today. i didnt feel to connected to any songs today and it didnt feel right to put one. anywyas though. im wirting on my laptop today. it feels weird. i feel weird. maybe its just how life has been going. a issue that ive been having most of my life pop up again and im tired of dealing with it.

basically i was life long friends with this girl and yk we had our ups and downs (a whole lotta downs) but we alwyas got on with it. well she got on with it. she would randomly get mad at everthing, blame me for it in someway and i became the problem. it happened mutiple times and i grew sick of it but i really didnt care. maybe i sound cocky but ik that at the end she would come back. she always did.

but like 8 months ago. she started seeing this guy. and it escalated quick. she like asked us his name and who he was then a week later she tells us "oh my boyfriend dropped me off after we got food" so ofc we're like boyfriend? okay... and we didnt bring it up. the thing is, our friend group didnt like the guy she started seeing. he was rude to our friends and has done someover all shady stuff. so we just warned her and wow suprise she didnt listen and got with him. then she got all offended when we didnt comment on the fact her bf brought her home. so we gave her a small "yay bf!" but yk we told her we dont like him so we really didnt want to talk about him. and thats what fucking set a wire off in her dumbass brain. she was going on about how we never support her, which was the craziest lie ever because we all supported her and her other crazy ass ex bf and all the dumb stuff she does. and we were like "hey we can be friends still, we just really dont want to talk about him" and like the whole time she was texting this guys and she was telling him "omg theyre ruining my mental health"

and i think i may have pushed a little over board but i was sick of her asking like some entitled bitch that needs her friends to agree with her all the time. so i kind of just brought up everything shes ever done to me :) like the time i too her to disneyland and she literally complained in the car, ON TWITTER, about how she had to go back and we were forcing her. and its like, girl. my mother payed for you to be here. do NOT play. and i understand her frustration to a point becuase we were at the park that morning from like 9 to 1 but we had like a 6 hour break at the hotel and didnt go back till 7. and we couldnt just leave her there becuase her mom didnt want her to be alone in the room so its like... girl you have to come. so were in the car on the way back to the park and shes like spaming her twitter "theyre forcing me to go back! im crying. i dont want to be here" SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UNGREATFUL LITTLE BITCH. like girl... girl...BITCH. i couldnt even.

then i brought up the fact that she let her ex bf like disrespect tf outta me. like he burped in my face, didnt say sorry, disrespected my family and callled me a bitch unprovoced. like she just let these things happen then got mad when i defended myself. talking about some "you had no right to say that to him" girl he had no right to act that way towards me but okay,

then i just brought up how much she just disregards me. like im nothing. and i truly felt like that the entire time i was friends with her. an that was most of my life.

she didnt respond to that message. she simply left the group chat then blocked me. couldnt take the fucking heat ig.

and i dont care what happens to her. she could burn in the deepest pit of hell. and maybe ill go to hell for saying that. but i mean it. ive never wanted someone to suffer more.

and that leads me to this topic. she has no friends now. and im glad. she doesnt deserve anything or anybody. no one deserves to be put through what i went though with her. theres so much more that happened with her that i dont even want to relive. but shes like searching for attention now. she texted a mutual friend of ours recently and i told him, dont text her back. and he fucking texts her anyway. now im not trying to dictate who he can and cant be friends with but she did him dirty too so i dont know why he even wanted to talk to her.

and thats anothet thing that pisses me off. people feel bad for her. like what the hell. even people that were with me the night of the argument. they feel bad that she has no friends. and i get having sympahty for her but what the hell. you were there, you know what she did so why on gods green earth do you feel that for her? it just sets this rage in me on fire and i want everyone to disappear.

i genuinley cant. like omg. it just makes me so angery and people dont get why im so mad about her. she just fucked over 12 years of friendship over some guy she only dated for 6 months.

but to make myself happy. i realized im over my crush on my friend. i think it was just a spur of the moment thing really. he has a gf now so its whatever really. ill miss that time of my life.

i didnt see mr c today im so sad. i even walked around a little during his prep and i didnt even see him walking around with his teacher besties. its okay though. i guess ill get over it :(

i did see my coco pookie though and i dont know what it is but its like im not looking for him as much anymore. i mean he wasnt here the other day and i missed him but when he has been here i dont even watch him that much. its just. i dont know. maybe i just want him to be around since he was my crush this.

another day. another slay. i love yapping. this was the first time i gen got out most of my emotions about that bitch and it have this weird relief. like my chest feels light in a way. maybe writting should be a daily thing for me. love love love. muah ha ha

[spicycowboyhole]

taking a shower tomorrow

i didnt get much for christmas this year tbh

im kinda jealouse cuz my siblings got really expensive shit and i got like pretty much just stocking stuffers lol. i guess if i really want something i need to get it myself huh

anyway,, he texts me constantly but also calls me everyday. hes so nice to me it makes me cry. H is nice to me too. when i think about how nice these internet strangers are to me it makes me sad because i feel like im not allowed to be myself and im not accepted at home. im so afraid to be myself here and i dont feel like i fit in but when i talk to the little people in my phone?? they make me feel things? like im not crazy or weird OH MY GOD istg i cry almost everytime i talk to him cuz hes soso nice to me

idk what it is or what i wanna say exactly i kinda just wanna figure out how to word this so ik how to tell my couonselor.

what happened recently was i went to walmart with my dad and like i didnt take a shower or anything cuz we were just going to applebees and walmart and i dont even like applebees so who cares if my hair is fucked up right but when we went to walmart my dad was like you need a makeover cuz ur hair is bad and i kinda took offense honestly cuz i dont like my dad making comments about my appearence like this one time he told me i "need to work on my glamour" like wtf so i told my mom what he said to me at walmart and she AGREED WITH HIM AND SCHEDULED A DAY TO TAKE ME TO THE MALL TO BUY CLOTHES. and then so we went like on firday before christmas and it just kinda made me feel like a child and also like i was neglected when i was an actual child cuz idk i have like a lot of self image issues and i just wear whatever makes me not hate how i look and rn thats big skirt and little shirt but my mom wants me to wear jeans and regular shirt and i just think i look so bad in it. like she wanted me to get 5 outfits at the mall and i was like "so we're just gonna buy 5 pairs of the ssame pants? what if i dont even wear them?" and she said "YOU HAVE TO" so after that i felt kinda belittled? basically like i had no power or say in what im allowed to wear like A KID. BUT when i was an actual kid i would litterally go to school and my shoes would fall apart and i used the same ugly backpack from like 6th til highschool. like i dont understand why my parents suddenly care about how i look? now that im an adult? theyr ebasically saying they dont like how i dress and that upsets me because i feel like im finally able to learn how to express myself with how i dress now that im not inschool and scared of how people might percieve me and theyre judging not just how i look but also me yk

i NEVER got compliments when i was younger. i mean definatelelty not as much as i do now that im not as afraid of being myself. i mean people compliment me on my hair, my outfits, my glasses, my voice.

IM SMART, IM FUNNY, IM SILLY, IM WITTY, IM CUTE, IM PRETTY

IM GOOD

my hwole life everyone would describe me as quiet, shy. i thought i was weird, abnormal, i thought everything i liked was stupid.

i think i just need to get out of here.

its so hard to not hate myself when everyone around me sucks.

again, self image issues, insecurity, shame. when i was younger i used to hide pictures of myself cuz i just thought i looked so ugly and i still do. i'll look at those old pictures and think why would my parents let me go out in public like that? like ive always thought i was only cute as a toddler and then went downhill after that lol. but anyway im working on that by saving pics of myself when i was younger cuz thats me!! and if i were my parent i wouldve been a way better parent than my actual ones. she deserves everything she wants.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

HI i just wanted to say that i really enjoy your twilight metas (as those are the only ones ive read so far) and you're a genius. it's awesome to me how realistically you think about characters and the plot, which i have never been able to do because i always get confused. thank you especially for your post about jacob and how the fandom treats him bc ive always had mixed feelings! i love him (the fanon/new moon him ofc) but i also felt rly weird about the whole SA thing, especially as a brown boy thats been villainized (i didnt SA anyone i just realized how that sounds) i understood that it had racist roots but it still...happened, yk? anyways u put it beautifully and its alot easier to understand how i feel about him now. also like everything else u post about!! i despise the cullens w my every being but its so entertaining to see their dynamic and actions laid out. mostly bc it solidifies my hatred but anyways. they also kind of change my views on other characters, like i always kinda liked bella (i dont like alot of things she does but alot of the fan content i see on her made her feel rly relatable) and its rly interesting to see that she would be a kind of absent parent, bc id never considered it like that and it makes so much sense and woah. u have so much evidence to back up ur theories and opinions too--i tend to get lost in fanon but i dont rly do that w ur posts! even ones where ur spitballing its just muah chefs kiss i love. i write alot of self fulfilling fanfiction and tbh it does not feel the same when the characters r too ooc and ur posts have helped a fuck ton! ur super cool and i love ur stuff keep going :)

i do have some questions tho u dont have to acknowledge it at all and ik you tend to focus more on the cullens, but what do you think the wolf pack is like now that jacob, leah, and seth have left, and now that they have so many new members? do you think any other girls would have shifted and how would they be treated? ik leah was kind of alienated in canon not only bc shes a girl but also bc of her feelings, and i cant tell if the pack would be wary of her/treat her the same as leah, or if they would have learned their lesson.

have a good day!

Well first, thank you, I'm very flattered. I'm going to go ahead and acknowledge @therealvinelle here as well as she's I believe the one who originally posted the post about the very complicated topic of Jacob Black and his terrible choices throughout the series.

As for your questions there are a few pack questions in my inbox but it's mostly a matter that people keep asking questions about Bella and she keeps getting eaten.

Also, I'm not sure you want me answering these questions. Like all of Twilight, it's a bleak pit of despair.

But here we go

What About the Pack/Tribe After Breaking Dawn

There's a lot of shit going on in the tribe right now. Jacob leaving is just part of it.

They have an unprecedented number of shifters in the community and that's going to spell... a lot of issues in the years to come.

Namely, per Sam and Emily, domestic violence will be through the roof and kept very hushed up for the understandable reason of these people look like they were mauled by bears. This will also likely increase the number of deaths in the tribe, especially among those who are young. Accidents happen, it's not good, this is going to have a devastating impact on the people.

You also have a lot of angry, disaffected, young men who can no longer really be a part of society. They can't really attend school, can't even really leave the reservation for fear of turning into a wolf, they can't hold a job, at the age of nineteen or younger they each had their futures ripped away from them.

Some, Seth, handle this very well (possibly because he hasn't clued into what this means yet), others like Jake... do not. These people have had their lives turned upside down and in some cases utterly ruined: that's not good in any society.

Then you have the imprinting, lord, the imprinting.

To date, there's the Sam, Emily, and Leah disaster. The three of them handled it very well, but it still utterly destroyed Leah's life and emotional stability. Not helping, of course, is that Leah has had her very identity taken from her, has no privacy, and her only option of escape is to follow Jacob around which... we'll get to in a few paragraphs.

Added to that, you have the Claire/Quil disaster, in which the tribe is desperately trying to handle it by a) keeping it very quiet b) trying to make Quil just be the babysitter. That's unlikely to work out for them and is just angstfest all around and no one's fault.

And then, of course, Jacob/Renesmee. Jacob, having now imprinted, will follow Renesmee to the ends of the earth. He has no other purpose now. Which means that Leah and Seth, who are in his pack, get to follow along and uproot their lives. For the tribe this means they'll never be rid of the Cullens, not truly, and Billy has lost his son entirely. Not to mention it's guaranteed to go awful places.

Then you have the paternity questions this whole thing drudges up, the trauma of these children having to be sacred warriors and having slaughtered demons with human faces, many of whom were also once children and more.

The tribe and the pack are a goddamn mess.

Jacob imprinting on the Cullen hybrid daughter and leaving the tribe? Yeah, it's weird and no one likes it, but that isn't even the peak of the nonsense these people have to deal with.

Would the Other Girls Shift?

No.

Leah seems to have won the genetic shitty lottery. In 600 years of shifting, there has never been another woman, and Leah has all shifting bloodlines in her veins.

It seems Leah was just very unlucky.

Were other girls to shift I imagine they'd face much the same situation. Suddenly teenage boys are witnessing them naked, all the time, they have no choice to become sacred warriors (a role not typically meant for women and which will very much feel like 'the boy's club') and I don't get the idea that anyone learned anything from Leah.

Jake certainly didn't, he just thought she was Uber Bitch until she begged him to let her in his new pack and reminded him she was a human being with feelings.

The concept genuinely had not occurred to him.

TL;DR Remember kids, Twilight is despair

[volfoss]

how about ranking bucciarati's team?

regret to inform you that ur gonna get a very long answer bc i have passionate feelings about them all! also trish is in this bc she is part of the team and no one will tell me otherwise and will also include some rambling bc it is me and i have so many feelings towards these characters and none of them r cohesive

under the cut just in case (post writing yes it was long)

Giorno Giovanna:

way way more complex than ppl normally give him credit for (i will not go into feelings on how a majority of the fandom treats him unless ppl want me to then i will in fact make a very long ranty post and will not be stopped)

mildly op (esp at the beginning with how hes kind of able to just use his stand really well w no problems altho i think thats true of most of the jojos that we have seen animated?)

i am emotionally attached to him and want to give him a big hug

hes just a kinda goofy kid and is maybe a bit not good with figuring out hey this is a semi dangerous situation maybe i shouldnt be taunting him (leaky eye luca for example)

has the actual best theme

i love how he works off the rest of the team so well (even w members who do not like him)

is in my top 3 jojos i love this kid sm i would adopt him if he was real

7/10

Bruno Bucciarati:

the fucking way his character develops from licky man to best dad material is my favorite thing

his outfit is so so so good i would die to wear it

in general this man is one of my fave jojos characters and i get a lot of comfort from him

hes just really neat and has a good taste in music

he did his fucking best and i will always love him for that

imo the way that his death was drawn out was genuinely one of the most heartbreaking deaths in the entire series and fucks me up each time i think of it

i feel like he really is the one to hold the team together in a way that everyone feels cared for and saved

def has a savior complex tho for sure

dilf but im ace

also manga superiority bc he either makes the stupidest faces or looks very nice (anime has a lot of weird animation in regards to his face) and also because its lingerie there instead of a tattoo that changes thickness and placement every second

10/10

Leone Abbacchio:

guilty pleasure liking man

i am obsessed with his vibes and wish to become him

i cannot physically express just how much i love him but hes one of my faves of all time (not obvious by my theme at all wdym)

i miss his manga palette but also the colored manga isnt my beloved but also black lipstick abba

hot take maybe but anime abba looks better than manga minus the lipstick debacle

hes so so tall and i will steal his height in a nice way

his past man his past it fucks me up

his death fucks me up normally but when i was rewatching recently, i saw he gave this tiny lil smile after helping the kids get their ball and i could not take it anymore

him and brunos relationship (canonically and out of canon too) is one of my favorites in the series

also fandom hot take as i guess i am doing those for everyone- but ppl either have him as cosntantly trying to murder giorno or being like good son and v out of character, and it is really weird? not sayign that ill do better when i write them but also like im convinced some ppl havent seen the show or smth

i will steal both him and bruno and marry them both <3

this man is beloved i love him to death

10/10

Pannacotta Fugo:

i cannot spell his first name to save my life

also fandom take- ppl make him constantly only angry boy all the time and it really irks me. ik araki did not give him 2 much to work w in terms of canon personality but its frustrating

the light novel purple haze feedback is so so so good and adds sm to his character and i really like it for that!

fugo is one of those that imo deserves a lot and didnt get that

genuinely the vibes between how he treats narancia is v interesting to me, like its clear he cares about nara but nara not doing great w math really frustrates him

i love their interactions and how he is genuinely a kind person at times

the manga colors r superior here, my strawberry boy <3

i just really love and appreciate him a lot and wish that ppl gave him more love

i keep getting assigned him on kin quizzes

very smart good boy

ALSO ok fugo did not do any wrong by leaving

unsure if thats a hot take but i genuinely dont blame the character one bit for leaving and again purple haze feedback really delves into that and why he did it

if ur a fugo fan go read it

his past is really upsetting esp in the anime i will cry over it

his stand is adorable and i wanna hug it

his vibes r fun and i wanna gift him strawberry dangly earrings

8/10

Narancia Ghirga:

this boy i am also adopting (i am adopting most of them sorry)

i really hate how ppl act as if hes stupid bc bad math skills do not equal stupid like did ppl not see the fight w formaggio??

the way he just fucking dove into the water after the boat and how brunos face went all soft and happy it will never not make me cry

he is constnatnly making me wanna cry if i think too much about him for 2 seconds i love him sm

how can anyone not adore him when he set an entire street on fire yk

hes just happy despite his past and it makes me sad i love nara sm

torture dance is one of my favorite memes from the show

ALSO ok the way he died so suddenly absolutely broke me bc the remaining team members r really just seeing everyone die in front of them so quickly

his goofy and laid back moments r my fave

i love just how loyal and caring he is to his friends

his stand is really cool and again the fight w formaggio was so fun to watch

8/10

Guido Mista:

probably my least favorite member of the team for a semi good reason:

the jokes towards trish are really really uncomfy and how fugo doesnt wanna be involved but he is pushing him to do something that makes him uncomfortable did not make me like him a lot

hes goofy but not goofy enough for me to be ok with the repeated jokes about that esp in the body swap episode (ik it was supposed to be funny but it just felt off)

his vibes r good but i wish we got to see his hair

the fandom interpretation is normally pretty good of him overall?

despite not loving him a lot, i really enjoying writing for him (one day might open up headcanon requests or smth but unsure)

hes someone id wanna watch movies w but his taste in movies and mine r very different

love how he and his stand get along

honestly has very very good comedic potential

i really like how he and giorno interact as the series goes on (in a platonic way i need to clarify that i love their friendship)

again him in purple haze feedback was really interesting

probably a 5/10?

Trish Una:

beloved and deserved better

her first outfit in the manga > outfit in the anime

actually in general i believe in manga trish superiority like her hair in the manga looks so cool

her stand her stand her stand i love sm

if u dont include trish in the group i am murdering u <3

HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!! IS SO GOOD!!!!!!

fandom gripe is how people either pretend she does not exist or has the trish first introduction thing where shes using her defense mechanisms and acting a bit spoiled

OK but her in purple haze feedback!!! mild spoilers but how bruno was taking care of her post the ending of vento aureo makes me so happy each time i think of it

very mad that she canonically didnt really get an ending and yet again PHF my beloved actually gave her that

how spice girl starts out as a stand thats helping her thru a very stressful situation is so cool and i love it

DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO *frothes at the mouth*

but more seriously how she leans on bruno and begins 2 trust him and nearly point blank is referring to him as a father figure always fucks me up

esp because of the resulting fight afterwards

and the very ending of the arc that ends w bruno being like bye gonna go in the clouds and look ethereal now, oh man it makes me so sad

bc giorno is the only one that knew what happened and people that were closer to bruno due to knowing him longer didnt

i wanna see how trish coped w that personally

despite being introduced not at the beginning i think her arc and character in general were as well paced as it could be!

9/10

finally done! sorry that took so long but oh man i have so many feelings towards these guys its not even funny

[quirklessidiot]

If I'm honest, at first (I think like most of the readers) I didn't quite like the ending, not really because it wasn't good but because it didn't really feel like an ending to the series if that makes sense, since it's such an ambiguous ending and there's so many things you can ask of what happens next yk?

but then I started to think about it more and reread it and I actually like it now, I think it really fits the jjk universe and I like how it connects to the jjk canon, which is something ik you've done all throughout the series with connecting it to the jjk manga. so props to you honestly for coming up with a plot that was able to connect in its own way.

thank you sm for writing it too, I really loved reading this series and it was such a fresh of breathe air because there's so many fics with gojo being a cheater and those just being that different type of angst. can't wait to see where you go with your other works!! <33

chapter 18 spoilers

i knew a lot would hate the ending since it was so open ended yet at the same time not in line with what they believe was happy but for me, ever since the beginning Ive always wanted it to end that way and i didnt ever wanna change it.

the original endings i was picking at was either her becoming a villain or y/n getting captured by kenjaku and becoming one of his own cursed spirits with minazuki having full control of her body but at the last minute when shes ordered to strike down satoru (kenjaku knows satoru would never hurt y/n no matter what so he takes advnatage of it), she regains control of her body and apologizes to him for lying to him about everything that happened then kills herself in front of him with satoru’s very own hairpin that he gave her in sendai 💓

The box was then suppose to show him his normal life with y/n where theyre just an ordinary suburban couple with two kids (hes a physics college professor and y/n is a doctor) and that it ends with satoru realizing that this is all just in his head and his y/n died in front of him

Either ways, i felt like it was too cliche to kill her off (add the fact that ive killed y/n twice already in my fics so i thot damn sis thats boring) + y/n dying that easily is so out of character bcos since the beginning we see her as this individual who does all that she can to never die + shes strong to spit death at the face + killing satoru as well would be weird bcos hes still alive in canon

so i ended up changing the ending where u guys get to decide if y/n finds michizane etc 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

ofc its sad but i guess major elements of jjk had to be added? Gege started JJK pretty happily then shibuya happened and the ending i chose is pretty happy if u take it from JJK-metered tragedy (hence why minazuki only has minor angst and no tragedy tags, its a pretty happy story). i wanted to do the same as well since the whole story was canon-compliant.

[irl-f4iry]

babbling distract myself :D

hi hi im in history now. im thinking about how im gonna type without my teacher seeing. class room is set up weird today bc of the last period doing;knbljvhiycgtuxfzdSZTDxyucfigoptoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooufry68tde574s6ztdxxxxxxxxxxxeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddx

im feeling rlly tired and bored. im gonna do absolutely no work in this class. apparently we arent taking notes so idc. i wish i had earbuda for this computer. are there like reverse adaptors? like instead of a lightning jack its like the little stick jack for computers. then i wouldnt have to wear the over the head ones. i only like the rlly fat cushion ones. not the school computer ones. they make me look so much weirder. idk school is fine at the moment. ive been doing better w school work n stuff so thats cool. plus my parents r giving me permission for stuff so thats good too. idk if im gonna hang w my friend today. i feel like im socially drained maybe. like yesterday was rlly fun but then my OTHER friend (the gf of the first friend) came over which was cool but i didnt even get to hang out with her. i knew it was gonna happen too which is kinda the only thing i guess i dont like about them dating. they are both my best friends. they were both seperate ppl in my life yk? like they didnt even know each other but i knew them seperately yk? and im super super close w both of them. but now that theyre dating, i feel weird being close friends with him because everything makes her jealous. and im not blaming her at all bc im the same way but im just saying anything i do with him will seem flirty to her. she wont get mad at me for it either which makes me feel even more guilty. it doesnt help that he used to be in love with me for like 6 years  so of course shed be bothered. idk i feel like a bad person. im being stingy yk. like he was my friend first. she was my friend first. now they have each other n its like ubjrfh berhbfj r. and my cousin is like my sister. i feel like she doesnt even enjoy my company as much anymore. i know she loves me its just sometimes i feel unwanted. like ill ask her if she wants to hang out and shell be like im sorry my social battery is done rn or shell say she has homework or that her mom doesnt want too many ppl over. but then our 2 friends would be over there not too long after and its just like dude just say you dont want me there? i would be less bothered if she just said that yk? idk maybe its not what im thinking at all and im just overthinking it. idk what else do i talk abt? ummmmmmmmmmmm oh i think im supposed to be writing an essay rn. to be honest i have no clue what im supposed to be doing in this class. i wanna go home. idk if im gonna go to my last period. i thijnk im just gonna go home. my friend tries to encourage me to go to the class but idk i keep saying ill go and i dont. its just chemistry and i dont rlly care abt that class. lets say i pass everything but that class. ill still be fine yk. so its okay. i suck at it anyway. ive been going to all my other classes. idk im rlly tired and my back hurts. i have such bad posture. i slouch all the time. ive been more aware of i and have been doing better but i always end up slouching at some point yk. i might just play a game online or something. im so bored and my friend is looking up something about peanut butter and jelly???????? idk what that dude looks up on his free time. i kinda wanna go through my familys facebook accounts. only the pictures though. bc i end up finding photos from years ago and it makes me feel so nostalgic.i like that feeling so much.nostalgia has to be one of the best feelings to feel for me. i love imagining that im still in 2011 yk? or anywhere up to 2014 or15. those were the best years for me. id do em over and over. i wish i didnt take advantage of my rlly young years. i know im still really young but once you hit 17 you kinda have that same minset for the rest of your life yk? like you hit a certain level of maturity by then that sticks with you or grows in youre adult years. if so so different from the way we think as 9 years olds yk? 

[saintqueer]

always ready to clown w/ u 💖 (fr tho i was thinking along the same lines as u on the yt vid being released but i also dont wanna hope so imma remain skeptical as hell

but i hope its true it would be so nice if the music industry got its own lil upheaval but i feel like w/ just rebecca it doesnt seem too likely to happen yk? like she needs more ppl to start speaking out not only that but she needs someone who's internationally known so that it can be the whole music industry nd so that more artists start feeling safer to speak out, safer as in they won't lose their careers their labels won't drop them etc.

if one of the 1d boys did i feel like that would hv a huge impact but the likeliness of that happening are slim to none so its interesting to think abt what the video actually means in terms of if they are in contact w/ her does that mean one of them is gonna speak out? already we know theres an insanely low chance of that for multiple different reasons (likely including but not limited to their contracts)

so does that mean that they are in contact with her in the way that they are helping her w/ this? as in they're convincing more artists to come forward? but i feel like thats risky as hell especially if they're not saying anything themselves bc they could be sending these artists to their doom if not enough ppl come thru or smth yk? so that might as well be ruled out too

or maybe they're in contact w/ her in the way that like they're helping her and other artists that wanna speak out? maybe helping them to figure out how to give them a larger/better voice? but i feel like that would likely fall on PR ppl that they hire

but if one of the 1d boys is in fact in contact w/ her dont u think there could've been a subtler way to tell us? I mean the tweets are already not subtle (the ones by rebecca) but i also understand why that is but its im sorry this is so frustrating and my mind is going a thousand miles an hr and im just so frustrated w/ all this bc none of it makes sense and i feel like there smth happening we dont know abt and i just wanna know and i wanna know if we can do anything to help and i just want them all happy and to be ok and i'll stop talking now

anyway sorry for bothering u - defintly not expecting a reply lol ik u said u didnt wanna talk abt it so i hope its ok i sent this in)

have a good night/day lots of love 💖

helloooo bb!

its totally fine for you come into my inbox and vent/speculate anytime you need. i dont mind at all! i only feel bad when i can't get to everyone (i see you and im sorry!) but always feel free to word vomit, lol

i don't blame you for going back and forth a lot. especially with the idea of the boys speaking out about the mistreatment as it's been very hush hush on their end for many years! however, i dont think its quite as unlikely as many make it seem.

just look at the last year and how much liam has spoken very plainly about the abuse and mistreatment the boys suffered. he has been very candid and it's only been increasing over the last year. we've also seen several other people connected to x factor and syco speak up for the first time over the last 7 months.

a lot of the things cumulatively that have happened over the last year make me think that perhaps several of the boys will speak up, will make a fuss, and do so at the exact right time. i think whatever is going on right now is very strictly planned and has a very particular timeline. and a lot of it might be happening behind the scenes (especially if they are attempting legal action) so we wouldn't know until it all came out (in the wash).

we won't know until we watch it all unfold, hindsight is 20/20. this will all make sense one day when we look back. but i'm gonna try to put some pieces together in the meantime because that's what this fandom is built on: noticing patterns and calling them out even when others say it's a reach or a coincidence. we didn't recognize rbb & sbb for what they were by going on about how "it's probably the sound guy" and "it's just a coincidence they are reading those books"! we got here by calling out weird shit even when we end up wrong.

and, as for me, i choose to believe that louis wouldn't purposefully mislead us with his overwhelming positivity over the last six months.

[big-daddy-maddy]

my family and i went to go look at christmas lights bc theres a HUGE ASS neighborhood that always goes way over the top and they were like “HEY get in the car” so we did bc we have to and i was sitting in the back with my 11 year old brother and i was asked him if he wanted to hear about the books ive been reading and he was like “yeah sure idc” and i was like cool!! bc my brothers know how happy it makes me when i talk abt books i read and so they humor me (most of the time) so i start talking abt shatter me and how i didnt finish the series bc i got bored of it but its ok bc warnette got together so woohooo thats all i wanted. then my other brother who’s almost 14 starts talking shit or whatever and says something abt how no one wants to listen to me talk abt books and i was like oh ok well i was talking to cody not you and then cody started telling him he was a brat or whatever (yk the usual sibling name calling) and then my dad jumped to the rescue of trey (the 14 yo) saying that we should include him so then i said “well trey started being mean first, cody’s just trying to defend me” and my mom was like “yeah they were perfectly fine until trey started stuff” and so it was this big thing and then eventually it calmed down a bit and cody asked about the other books ive been reading and i told him about six of crows bc i thought he would like that and i started describing kaz and he was like “so hes dark and brooding and misunderstood” and i laughed bc all i told him was that kaz was a 17 yo crime boss who killed people but its ok bc he cant touch people without passing out or vomiting (no the best description of kaz i realize but hes 11 and i thought he’d find it weird). so we laugh bc its funny and my mom says somwthing to my dad abt how we were rubbing it in that trey was being “left out” so i just ignore it and keep talking bc that wasnt what was happening at all i just wanted to talk abt my damn books and cody seemed genuinely interested. then she said to the whole car “why dont we just go home” and i was like why??? and she was like “bc no one is in a good mood and youre leaving your brother out and cody doesnt even want to hear about your stupid books he’s only doing it to get to trey and leave him out and no one cares” so i told her that cody was listening before trey said anything and i just wanted to talk abt them. and then she kept going on about how no one wanted to hear about my books because no one gives a shit and no one cares and no one wants to listen. and then i started crying bc i knew people didnt really care but why was it such a big deal?  i never talk about any of my interests with anyone and they are the only ones who i actually feel comfortable talking about this stuff with so why is it such a big deal? i get it no one cares but at least they pretend to, even if they arent listening or i dont make much sense when im talking about them at least im talking. im not in contact with any of my friends rn because my parents took away my phone so i only have my laptop so all i do is sit on tumblr and read books and browse ao3 which sounds amazing and it kind of is but i miss my best friend and driving and hanging out with them and im barely eating bc i dont have an appetite and my meds ran out a while ago so ive been really down lately and i failed my dual enrollment classes bc i just cant seem to do anything (thats why my phone and keys were taken) and i dont blame them for punishing me ik i screwed up but my mom wont look into putting me back into therapy or finding a new psychologist and i just want to be okay again but im isolated and numb but when i try to express an interest in the one thing that makes me feel something i get yelled at and told that no one gives a shit and it just sucks but its okay ill be okay