#like it's just weird to me that soo many people switched from ''he's literally perfect and is taylor's perfect man''

[swiftiephobe]

have something i've been wanting to say for a while but have never felt like it's a good time so i'm just going to say it but it's going to be a tag post x

[sugar-petals]

Hey Caro ☺️ I just took your super m quiz - thanks for making such a fun quiz, I feel like it helped me get into super m! I know nothing about them yet but I thought it fit soo well that I got Kai bc I’m a full time dancer - now you have me super curious about him 👀👀

KAI :: INTRODUCTION MASTERPOST (dance focus)

so you wanna know about the god of k-pop choreo? oh yeah, i’ll talk to you about fucking kai! if you dance, this guy is the #1 must-know. once you see him move, there’s no going back. i don’t exaggerate: kai is the gold standard. brace yourselves, i’ll show you why.

kim kai aka kim jongin (27) is a solo artist and super m’s plus exo’s main dancer — est 2019 and 2012 respectively — heading either group with a passionate, hyper-physical style that roots in his early practice of of jazz dance and ballet. the influence definitely shows. 

learning choreography, he’s become the gorgeous fusion of emotional grace and explosive power that unites both tension and extreme accuracy. while at the same time: never sacrificing his interpretation. and HOW MUCH HE BLEEDS FOR HIS CRAFT. he enjoys it so much. 

and he’s communicating it 100%, jongin’s dance is so interactive and raw, luring. i swear to god, put the seatbelts on for this one. it’s never just him, it’s you as well. you’ve never seen this before. he’s like “yes, i meant you, i’m looking at you”:

he’s even gonna modify the choreography to point right at you to underline that very thought. he’s so good, he can learn it, ace it, epitomize it, and do his own thing anyway. even the person in the last row will get whatever point kai wants to make. this is dance that belongs on the biggest stages.

even when he films without a crowd, it’s like you’re literally standing opposite to him. he focuses on two people: his moves, and the viewer. he has it look like you made him smile and self-aware, or you made him determined. INCREDIBLE. he shows his charisma, BUT he also shows your own (!) impact on him. it’s a duet. he wants you to join him on the dancefloor. this is from exo’s call me baby mv where kai does his famous come-hither:

he flirts and he encourages. he values the audience and wants them to be confident as well. i think it’s the reason why he’s so outstanding and addictive, kai thinks beyond himself. it’s a tango he involves you in with his eyes and how he opens his body, interprets a lyric.

it’s not about imposing himself going one way. instead: he plays the back and forth ALL. THE. TIME. in any context. whether it be frivolous, or fun, or gloomy, or sweet. even with a simple little smiley wink it’s happening. and he acts like you had a reaction to it. there’s literally just a camera.

this guy’s physique, strength, elegance, feeling for the beat, character portrayal (!), and control is unbelievable. he’s destroyed it in every fancam out there. he can’t switch it off even if he tried. your eyes would go toward him in the largest group formation still. put him in the center, that’s his spot, he showcases it.

because he doesn’t just show learned moves, he makes it radiate something dynamic and animalistic (he embodies superm’s ‘tiger inside’ all the way). 

jongin’s dance says: i love this, you love this, let’s do this, the feeling is right. he makes bodies and unrestrained touch the opposite of wrong, he pronounces it a source of having fun and being instinctual. and he never breaks the tie with you throughout, and uses his shoulders and lips to put the oomph into it. 

he uses innuendo and a ‘we both know’ sentiment perfectly as an invitation rather than just going through his routine. that’s how he can make each move fascinating. you can tell kai knows exactly how to make everyone scream their lungs out. i bet somebody held their breath just reading this post already.

exo’s most famous choreo is ‘monster’ (kai focus linked) with good reason: jongin can turn himself into nothing short of a roaring beast. it’s one sharp, complex move after the other. kai can bend any gravitational law he wants to show any feeling and pose he wants. a glimpse:

now, how to spot him in general if you’re new to him? here are some pointers. kai’s execution is clean, fast, and powerful. those are two decades (!) of experience showing. kai is an all or nothing dancer, he plays no games. he treats every group and solo stage like his best and last. his work ethic is beyond words. yeah, he’s a capricorn. his style is direct as can be, working every axis.

as you can see, jongin is hard to overlook anyway: he’s a 182cm giant made of steel. he strives to acutely visualize impact in his style and it is always successful. in fact, it’s his signature. it’s like he creates invisible objects and pushes through them. boom, he just burst another bubble.

when the song gets to his part, i guarantee you won’t miss him and all the boldness and expression he brings to enrich the performance. hell... he carries it. jongin can handle the center, i’m telling you. (look how fast he rotates here)

talking features — this is what to look for when he dances in a group setting: you can recognize kai’s face by how wide, bluntly structured and sensual it is. jongin is a sight. he has such an aura, serious, sultry, and smiling alike.

with a very recognizable silhouette (like... holy hell!):

he’s very cute as well ♡ the fandom and kai himself have an adorable analogy going on. jongin calls himself a teddy/nini bear and we joined in on it. (i made a thread about it here, it talks more about his offstage life) — hence kai’s fans are called eri-gom, eris as in exo’s fanbase and gom meaning bear. 

and i mean. look at him. what an attractive guy. he’s that handsome. strong brows, teddy eyes, square jaw, swept hair, glorious lips, tan skin. 

now yes, something important concerning his appearance and a serious topic: i don’t want to list you the endless instances of colorism that kai has to endure but it has to be mentioned. jongin has been called every name in the book and people agonize him over his skin incessantly. it goes on and on and on. every day a new terrible comment about him emerges because some pitiful person thought it was funny and would elevate them. 

he’s had to deflect, ignore, reframe, defend, remotivate, assert, harden, prove, denounce, and push himself, protect his confidence, decline skin bleaching constantly, laugh along, dance and practice thrice as hard to get the respect, and still see his dignity torn to pieces all day. i’ll just give it to you straight, that’s all fucked up. kai’s skin is perfect, he’s amazing and wonderful. 

in his own words:

— exactly right. say it even louder.

having him at the bottom of every joke is weird and messed up. this man is an utter beauty and nothing has to be fixed. it is up to him to define himself rather than get called ugly for his skin’s appearance by default, and get whitewashed at every opportunity. it’s been going on for 27 years, he scrunitizes himself all the time and doesn’t look at himself fondly because he hears these beatdowns daily.

it’s heartbreaking that this happens literally with no end in sight (’kai is just a stripper!’... ‘he has bad vibes’... ‘darkest guy jongin!’). for his skin, and how he decides to show it, too. jesus christ his skin looks fantastic, end of debate. they just can’t handle him, kai couldn’t be any more immaculate.

♡

jongin has vigorously protected fans from discrimination, bullies, and shaming himself whenever it came up. in a very straightforward and deadpan manner because he knows exactly how it damages you. (”J” in the subtitles = jongin, he’s wearing the plain white top at the very back)

we need to protect and praise him that way right back. it’s important.

so, needless to say. all in for jongin getting the center stage he deserves. because he has the wow factor in every regard. kai usually opens an MV because there’s no better way to get people’s attention with that level of presence. with kai, you can’t go wrong. if you get the center in a an all star group like superm, you are the king.

being part of that presence, kai’s stage alter ego has reached levels of infamity you can’t even imagine. it’s great to see him being sovereign without apology.

and it doesn’t stop there. he shows time and again that acting, props, and commanding the audience has to be mastered to be an exceptional dancer. kai owns his sex appeal. sometimes, he even dances a portion of choreo with his eyes closed because he’s feeling it so much.

he is a pro in using his surroundings as well, superm’s stages are a glorious opportunity for kai to show how he comfortably ‘lives in’ the 3D space around him.

which makes the viewer do the same: watching kai makes you feel amazing, energized, but also serene and enjoying the moment. 

there’s always balance. it’s the magic of it. e.g. he comes along with so much impetus and decisiveness but eventually, he halts to offer himself. here i am — take me. i’m yours. closed arms, open arms. walking, kneeling. looking down, looking up.

kai goes every extra mile there ever was and makes each eye contact count. involving the audience, one grin at a time. it works. it’s about establishing contact. he connects to the onlooker with so much nuance. 

kai’s smirk is notorious and you can see why it’s so raw and real: he makes it linger. it’s such a duality since his dancing says i’ll come over, while his message is come and get me, i know what’s on your mind.

with a hilarious twist – kai expertly uses humor. you don’t get that in many dancer repertoires. i love it. all those quick expression changes. his smile! 😊 what a man.

so — what makes him so good and known: yes, his style doesn’t deny that dancing and eroticism are one in his business. that takes courage. kai has it. iconic performances have been his reward. point dance/killing part: exo’s love shot choreo. 

that suit has swept the nation. what’s more: kai shows you it’s more than just good hip movement that a good dancer needs. he does everything at once, he puts the pleasure on his face, all his limbs are following the template he chooses.

the thing is. kai couldn’t be any shyer, but when the music starts he becomes a oscar-winning madman. he emotes constantly (!) and stays in character. this is gold.

jongin always plays it up. he knows how to use that face and does a lot of power posing. this is how visceral looks like. he’s interpreted exo’s aggressive concepts to a T.

and he has so. much. fun. it propels him. on every beat.

past every hurt, heartbreak and injury, man. if you know about his genre you knew this was coming, kai does all of that with 4 herniated discs. since debut days, never recovered. every gif in this thread, he dances with a battered spine. wheelchairs, stage collapses, relapse-recovery-schedule tales, the dilemma of injuries being inevitable, limping, kai falling into depression during breaks, constant pain killers, countless tears on stage, we’ve seen it all, the extreme end of it. 

kai works out like hell to literally keep his body from falling apart. but it doesn’t help the nerves in his back that are impacted. doing choreo you can sometimes literally see the pain kicking in and he pulls himself through with force for the last minute. once you know how strained his back is, you can see it.

at the end his expression goes fuck now it’s coming when the adrenaline fades. he takes every second-pause he gets to rest but still finishes each move. even when he holds back, he keeps it together and executes each turn. sometimes, he has to restrict himself and soften his movements to protect his health (especially in hard choreographies such as lucky one which is universally disliked by exo — still jongin makes the very best of it smiling bright and dancing so hard his sleeves come off).

he frequently states he ‘dances in any case unless his legs are affected by something’. all torso injuries are fair game, this guy is hardcore. and people claim he’s just pretending. chen (a fellow exo member) says not a single part of jongin’s body is intact. he has paid every price to get this far to follow his love. he’ll step on stage with crutches. he works SO HARD.

that being said: exo being called the official nation’s group, i say kai is the nation’s dancer. period. he has had his great moment at the korean olympics flawlessly dancing in a hanbok with traditional instruments and fulfilling his dream. 

i love the tension and drama he can bring. he can also thrill with slow, vulnerable movements alike.

kai’s is called a legend, he’s all that and even more. the facial expressions alone are feared by any kai stan because they hit home. 

this guy is a sex icon and goes off like a gun, messing around was never kai’s incentive. 

while at the same time being incredibly nuanced and so, so descriptive with his movements.

point dance: baby don’t cry. yep, kai has danced in water. must-watch.

this man loves what he is doing. he said he wouldn’t regret to die on stage because dancing is his destiny. boy, it shows. this guy has found his purpose. he can tell any story he wants. he’s a complete artist.

he’s perfectly portraying his incentive and he couldn’t look any more like a god on earth.

long story short, kai is dance and motivation goals. if you dance professionally, you can easily look toward him for the right words.

if you want to further your study and knowledge: he released a self-titled solo album recently. highly recommended. he worked forever on it, and he’s really dishing it on there. you get to hear his soft voice plus sizzling footwork. and he isn’t even getting started yet. you’ll hear from kai, i promise. he constantly achieves new levels of artistic perfection.

a last remark. jongin is amazing for a myriad of reasons that go beyond what i show you here given the post focuses on his work on stage. but the point stands, while other people have tried to break him, he broke through every barricade instead and stood up for himself. we can be extremely happy to have him and witnessing his unreal dance is an exceptional pleasure. here’s to jongin continuing his passion and confidence, healing, and getting the sweeping respect and acknowledgement that is his.

[xfanfics]

Destiel Fic Rec List Part 1

Last Updated in October 2014. Posted in May 2020 for posterity. Listed in no particular order - the total rec list will have ~250 fics. Header graphic used with permission.

This part of the list contains: 48 fics.

Other Destiel Rec Lists: [1]. [2]. [3]. [4]. [5]. [6]. [7].

For Science! by pm_lo E | 21k | ABO, Omega!cas, Alpha!Dean,

Selected transcripts and supporting materials from Dr. Castiel Williams and Dean Winchester’s seminal study on physiological and psychological sexual response by gender designation.

Even though this is a dialogue/email text only story, I still very much enjoyed it and found it ridiculously hot. Maybe I'm just easy. (No I'm not. This fic is good, read it.)

Forget-Me-Not Blues by noangelsinthegarrison E | 68k | Firefighter!Dean, Professor!Cas, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining

Sam and Jess are getting married and Dean couldn’t be any happier for them. Honestly, they’re kind of disgustingly perfect for each other and Dean’s pretty damn excited about staying with them the week before the wedding. He’s Sam’s best man, of course, and he doesn’t even mind that Jess has her own best man to share in all the organizational duties. The more the merrier, right? Except Dean must have done something to epically piss off the universe because Jess’s best man just happens to be Castiel friggin’ Novak. He’s got even hotter since High School, but apparently no friendlier and if Cas wants to spend the week pretending like they’ve never met before? Fine. Two can play at that game.

THIS WAS SO GOOD I'M TEARING UP. tropes abound and I love it!

Cops and Robbers by kinkstiel E | 53k [WIP] | Detective!Dean, Criminal!Cas, Top!Cas, Bottom!dean

They locked eyes for a minute and then Cas leaned back as far as the cuffs would let him go, spreading his legs obscenely wide. “I want you to suck my cock, Dean.” Dean balked, mouth going dry in a second, eyes slipping to the now visible bulge in Castiel’s suit pants. “Um,” he said stupidly, face flushing red, eyes unable to pull away. Cas hummed. “Depending on how well you suck me, I might just tell you everything you want to know.” He licked his lips, smirking slightly when he caught Dean’s gaze. “And with sinful little lips like yours,” he made a low whistling sound, “I don’t doubt you’ll get every last name out of me.

So very good. Love the dark and dirtiness of it. It does get lighter and sappier towards the end tho.

Cursed or Not ❤ by Ltleflrt E | 115k | witch!Cas, shapeshifter!Dean, switching

While experimenting with magic when he was a kid, Sam accidentally cursed Dean. Now, Dean is forced to wear a spelled amulet constantly, or he'll turn into a random animal. For a little over a decade, he's learned to live with the curse, and has even found it useful in some cases, but he sure would be happier without it. When he meets a witch named Castiel, he's offered a deal. Instead of assuming all witches are bad, Dean can spend a season getting to know him. If at the end of the season, Dean still thinks he's evil Castiel will send him away with his memory wiped of the whole experience. But if he learns that Castiel is not the monster Dean assumes he is, he'll lift Dean's curse. It's an offer Dean can't bring himself to pass up.

Literally perfect. Enthralling world, magical relationship.    

Surprise Package by wannaliveindeansdimples E | 3k | Hot, , Dom Cas, Sub Dean, Light BDSM

When Cas' roommate Meg has to go out of town suddenly, she leaves him an unexpected gift.

So so hot. Non extreme Dom!cas and sub!dean.    

Never Have I ever by sweetdean M | 78k | Fluff,  High School AU, top!cas, bottom!dean

When Jo drags Dean along to a game of "never have I ever" with her friends, he finds himself getting caught up in a lot more than just a game. “Never have I ever hung out with such an asshole,” Dean countered, positively shocked at his own sass. Cas smirked again. “Oh, are we hanging out now?fricken adorable  

Road Signs by gemmiel E | 9k| Canon!verse, true form

Dean is curious about how angels have sex. Castiel shows him.

Damn. True form, soul sex, and regular sex. Yes please.    

It's Brilliant, Really by snarkymonkey E | 15k | Fluff,  AU, Professor!cas, Stuntman!dean

Castiel Novak is a History adjunct at Stanford University. He's also the most patient younger brother. When his older brother, Gabriel, decides to start *wooing* one of his younger waiters, Castiel reluctantly agrees to double-date with the intended paramour's older brother. What he didn't expect, however, was how much his own life would flip over such a careless decision.

Adorable. Hot, and adorable.  

Gabriel's Unfortunate Mistake by JackHawksmoor E | 8k | Hot,  AU

an answer to a prompt: Gabriel decides to hire a prostitute for his virgin brother Castiel as a joke, but instead accidentally hires Dean, a professional Dom. The moment Dean first lays a hand on him, Castiel knows he is lost. Dean/Castiel AU.

Um mm.... Damn. That was hot. Newbie sub!cas and pro dom!dean    

Well-Beloved Unto Me by  Moorishflower E | 3k | Alt!Canon, tentacles

The Winchesters don't get rewarded for all the shit they go through, so Dean is understandably wary when a few recharged and promoted angels offer him and Sam the vacation of a lifetime. Title comes from the Song of Solomon.

True form. And sex. MY FAVE.  

How to Date an Angel in 12 Easy Steps by Fourthduckling E | 23k | Fluff,  Alt!canon

It's not that hard to date an angel. All Dean has to do is fight off hordes of vampires, research gay porn, get sucked into a crappy Narnia, endure Sam's comments, creep out on Dr. Sexy, get harassed -- oh, and that's right-- figure out he's into Cas. Easy, right?

SQUUEEEE. Perfect and cute and cuddly.  

Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right But Three Rights Make A Left by the0voice0from0above E | 45k | High School AU, Dancer!Cas, Welder!Dean,

The beautiful Garrison Ballet School becomes home to a reckless bunch of misfits after the Colt Welding Academy is severely damaged in a fire and has to close for repairs. Needless to say, Castiel and his friends clash with their unwanted guests but there's one boy in particular who infuriates him.

Dancer!au. Love it love it love it!    

Rest My Angel by cobalt_wings E | 86k | Fluff,  Season 9 AU

Angels are falling from the sky, and Dean is losing it. Sam is dying in his arms, and one of those burning, twisting figures blazing through the night air might be his very own angel, Castiel. What can he do to help those he loves?

Sex and domestic and lots of fucking. My fave.    

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict E | 21k | Fluff,  Alt!canon

While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Team free will with kittens!! So fluffy and domestic but also a touch of angst.    

It's A Bet by vitamindesi E | 34k | College AU, top!cas, bottom!dean

Destiel College!AU in which freshman Dean is dared by his best friends to hit on senior Castiel at a party. He wants to say no but then someone starts a bet and Benny bets a sum that is ridiculously high for a student and Dean can’t disappoint Benny, right? I deviated only, but hopefully it suffices.

So fabulous and smutty I want to cry. Literally perfection.

Your Call Cannot Be Completed As Dialed by eBob, K_K_TiBal T | 66k [WIP] | Fluff,  College AU

AU in which Castiel accidentally sends a text message to the wrong number and befriends the person at the other end of the line. However, accidents don’t just happen accidentally, and sometimes two completely different people are exactly what the other needs.

LITERALLY THE BEST. So many feelings. I WANT IT TO BE COMPLETE SO MUCH. Abandoned WIP.    

Equinox by luchia E  | 12k | Alt!canon, time travel

In which Castiel is the weird time-traveling freak who just might be the love of Dean Winchester's life.

Confusing but perfect time travel fic.   

If I run by betty days E | 4k | Hot,  AU, sexting, long distance relationship

"Dean Winchester is a red-blooded American male. He lifts all the things. He aims for functional strength. He counts his macros and makes fun of curlbros. He is not a member of the Tarahumara tribe and he will not read Born to Run, no matter how many times Sam tells him to, because Starting Strength is the only book Dean will ever fucking need." Wherein a friendly competition with the mysterious ThursdaysAngel turns into a sexy selfie-trading spree that motivates Dean Winchester to train for his first marathon.

Soo. Hot. Makes me want to actually exercise?    

The Little Things by Alreadypainfullygone T | 2k | Angst,  Cancer, Major Character Death

Au based on 'the big C' in which Dean gets very sick, and deals with it the denial way. Meeting a homeless man on the way. Dean/Castiel Angst. Warning for trigger - Cancer. sorry if you think I dealt with it badly.

This is only 2.8k words, and yet it managed to make me cry.    

Do What Feels Good by  Catchclaw, cymbalism E | 12k | Hot,  Alt!canon, PWP

Castiel learns to love alone time in the shower. And then he learns to share.

Fuuuuuck that was hot. Castubation and shower sex is just so hnnnggg.    

All That Is And Used To Be by MisaChan E | 26k | Alt!Canon, wing!Kink

Dean never even knew anyone was living in the old estate outside of town until its mysterious occupant contracts his shop for a very specific job: a custom piano bench with grooves cut into the back. He finds Castiel and his terms to be eccentric with a capital E but the money is too good to turn down and anyway, Dean can't help indulging his curiosity about the guy and his secretive, isolated life. There are secrets that will not stay hidden and stories that refuse to be forgotten. Especially when they happen to involve Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel.

Ugh, I love this story. Concept, execution, and characterization are all perfect.    

Do I Have Something Like That? by MysticMoonhigh E | 2k | Hot,  horn!kink, wing!kink

based on the tumblr post I made: Does anybody know any demon!Dean fics where Cas makes Dean climax by basically giving his demon horns a hand job because I want this so badly out of lifE | I'm. I've read this about three times and I think I'm finally coming to terms with my alien biology kink. Hot. Wink!kink and horn!kink. Yes.    

The Doctor Will See You Now by  PetrichorPerfume E | 7k| Hot,  PWP sub!dean, gentle dom!cas, wing!kink

Dean has a medical kink. Castiel is more than happy to oblige. Starring Castiel as the slightly unorthodox Dr. Novak who enjoys prescribing enforced chastity and daily tease and denial sessions, and Dean as his needy, submissive patient who will do anything for a chance to come.

Wowowwowowow. Um. This was super hot. Nnnghhhh.    

Into Your Hideaway by thepinupchemist E  | 176k |Angst,  a/b/o, omega!dean, alpha!cas, mpreg

Driving down a deserted road in the Rocky Mountains, Castiel finds something unexpected: An omega. Not only an omega, but a naked, injured, pregnant omega. Dean doesn't talk much at first, but that doesn't change the brightness of his soul. It also doesn't stop Castiel from falling in love with him.

I just... Wow. This was an amazing story. Beware that it is possibly very triggering, because of rape, assault, violence, and general bigotry. But perhaps because of all of that, you get a story that is almost painful in its reality, and it is all the more loveable for that.    

The World Crashing All Around by thepinupchemist E | 36k| Alt!canon, best friends wing!Kink, kid!fic

During a storm in September of 1987, Dean and Sam hear something hit their roof. When they brave the backyard to investigate, they find a fledgling angel. A story about best friendship, spoiled plans, and love, in four parts.

OH MY GOD. This was perfect all the way through. From soul bonds, to slow burn, to growing up together as best friends, it's all my favorite. And it even has wing kink, which is literally the best.    

Share Your Burden by aTimeOfMagic E | 3k Hot,  PWP, Sub!dean, dom!cas

Set at the end of 'Are You There God? It's Me Dean Winchester.' 4.02. Castiel shows Dean that he deserves respect, and Dean comes to see that Cas is not, in fact, just a 'hammer'. He also learns that his 'people skills' are definitely not entirely 'rusty'.

Damn. Um, really hot. Also, unexpectedly sweet.    

Flawless by Vaerin E | 69k | a/b/o, accidental bonding, sub!dean, dom!cas

A contract is out on the Winchesters, a large sum of money the reward for throwing them off their game. A witch in the town they happen to be passing through decides to collect. She sets her sights on Dean, trying to seduce him into leaving his job to stay with her. When she can't even convince him to warm her bed, she decides to turn her job into his punishment. Knowing he fears commitment and can't stand the thought of being with a man, she works a spell between him and Castiel... the one friend he can call a safe haven. When they end up mated the next morning, not only does the Winchester family business suffer... but so does Dean's friendship with Castiel.

Cute long soul bond fic. Contains sabriel.    

Chasing Normal by Donovanspen M | 16k | Fluff,  First time, Cuddling & Snuggling

Dean reevaluates his definition of an 'apple pie life' and what that means for him, personally.

This is the definition of domestic fluff and smut. There's a wee bit of angst because hey, it's set in the canon verse. But so worth it.    

Hold On by somuchforbaggles E | 92k | Fluff,  Angst,   mental illness

Castiel is sure that nothing in his life will ever change. Everything that happens to him is predictable, from the stability of his job to the unrelenting sporadic anxiety attacks, he can rely on his life to stay the same forever - until he saves Dean Winchester from the path of an oncoming train. From then on, everything changes for both of them, and the only way they can deal with it is together.

Woww. This was an amazing ride. Angsty and fluffy, then angsty again, then back to fluffy. So good.    

I said to myself again by avyssoseleison E | 2k | Fluff,  Praise!kink, Self-esteem issues

Dean finally lets himself be appreciated and cared for by his angel.

Praise kink is my ultimate weakness    

The One Thing You Can't Lose by MajorEnglishEsquire T | 4k | Fluff,  Cuddling & Snuggling

You know what I like a lot? The thought that Dean can just tug Cas anywhere at any time and Cas, who can lift tons without effort, who can demolish things with the light of his grace, who has battled and gone to war, has defended and broken, will just let Dean do it.

fluffy love    

Spit Slick by VeraBAdler M | 1k | Fluff, , First Time

[no description]

A super cute fluffy little oneshot :3 (tags say 'happy sex' and 'sexy cuddling' if you need more to go on)  

Late Bloomer by somuchforbaggles T | 7k | Alt!Canon, Wing!kink, Wingfic, Soulmates

On every child’s seventh birthday, a celebration is held to mark the beginning of their journey as a fledgling - a sprouting ceremony. It doesn’t matter if the child hasn't shown the symptoms of emerging wings yet, for it is scientific fact that every child grows wings in their seventh year, sometimes even earlier. Castiel is not every child.

A coming of age wing fic. With mates. Basically, I'm in love.    

Sleight of Hand by aileenrose M | 64k | Angst,  Human AU, psychic cas, journalist dean

Dean Winchester has interviewed them all--mob bosses, serial killers, crooked politicians. Next he plans to unveil the con-man who markets himself as Castiel, a reclusive and secretive "healer" who claims to heal the sick in return for thousands of dollars. Dean's expecting a challenge, but he never expected Castiel to be so clueless or sweet...or that he might be telling the truth.

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS AU. The one where Dean is a skeptical journalist/professional idiot and Cas is a socially inept healer and mind reader. There's lots of angst, but the payoff is so worth it.    

Leaning In by Anonymous T | 15k | Hospital AU

Castiel never changed out his scrubs, Dean had a way of getting himself injured and Sam seemed to think it was a good pairing

Even though I have no idea who actually wrote this story, it's worth a read. I'm always up for a good medical AU.    

Someone I Forgot to Be by  MatildaMavis E | 36k Fluff,  Angst,  Human AU

Castiel is content - sort of - with his quiet life in Boston...at least, until his new neighbor moves in. It's Dean Winchester, the cliched long lost love of his life. Can these two idiots find their way back to each other after eight years, after fame and loss and heartbreak? After Dean has found love again with Cas' neighbor, Lisa? Fate can be a sadistic bitch, they've both learned that, but maybe they've matured enough to be able to handle it this time. The sparks, the attraction, the tension...or maybe not.

I thought this would be extremely painful, and it sort of was. But it was so worth it.    

Didn't Get That Particular Memo by Snarkymonkey E | 5k

Dean has worked with his best friend for years and maybe it's a bit more than that for him but not for Castiel, right? Right. And really, he'd feel so much better if Castiel would just get a companion already. Because it's not like Castiel actually wants him, right? Right.

Damn, that was fucking hot.  

Cas, You Had A Baby? by allthebeautifulthings9828 M | 132k | Fluff,  Alt!Canon, Kid Fic, Slow Build

At some point in every angel's life, raising a fledgling is required. Castiel's turn comes rather unexpectedly when his superiors hand off a newly created infant angel to him and leave him to raise it with all of Heaven's principles of blind obedience. He's not sure what to do, so he tucks the fledgling in his coat and goes straight to Dean and Sam Winchester. Together, Dean and Castiel hatch a plan to raise the fledgling away from Heaven's control. And soon, the angel Hael arrives with news that, after Castiel disappeared, she and four other angels ran from Heaven's oppression with their fledglings. Castiel finds himself the unwitting ringleader of angels choosing to raise their fledglings with the principles of free will. Is angelic parenthood too much for his deepening relationship with Dean? Who can they really trust? (Disclaimer: This story depicts fledglings consuming honey for the nourishment of their undeveloped graces. Human babies cannot consume honey, so please do not feed it to your infants. This is fiction.)

Oh. My. God. I admit that I was skeptical at the beginning about this story, but let me tell you, it sucked me in. Sometimes, you run across a story that has wonderful OCs that you get attached to. This is one of those. And of course, the baby is adorable.    

Healing by Jacqueline Albright-Beckett M | 2k | Fluff,  Canon!verse, PWP

Castiel can heal more than just physical wounds.

Sensual and romantic.    

Better Late Than Never by whelvenwings G | 23k | Fluff,  Alt!canon, friends to lovers,

When Dean first sees Castiel, he's clinging on for dear life - and things never really get any easier. In fact, they get a lot harder; Dean's worst enemy isn't always the monkey bars. Bound together year on year by the ritual pact of being a Guardian Angel, Dean and Cas grow close, showing loyalty and bravery in the face of danger. But will they ever find the courage to admit their true feelings for each other - and will it be too late by the time they do?

i LOVE best friends to lovers fics! and this delivers on that perfectly.    

Like A Candle In The Window On A Cold Dark Winter's Night by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel T | 6k | Fluff,  Canon!verse, asexual Cas

In which Castiel saves Dean, Dean saves Castiel, there is beer and TV watching, and if it weren't for the monsters and assassination attempts, life would be almost perfect.

A cute little fic I've read multiple times :)    

How many slams in an old screen door? by dandelioness T | 15k | Fluff,  Theatre AU, Asexual Cas

In which Castiel is a theatre major terrible at first impressions; Dean is a set designer who likes Cas anyway; and the most chaotic production of Les Miserables in history somehow manages to go off without a hitch. Or, just as you should never give a moose a muffin (because he'll want some jam to go with it), you should never give a blank check to a university theatre department.

This is perfect. I can't speak for the accuracy of the information and feelings given about asexuals/asexuality, but I enjoyed this fic nonetheless.    

Breath of Heaven by solacesnake18 E | 9k

When Dean is wounded and dying in Purgatory, Castiel returns from his self-imposed exile to help him.

Wow. True!form cas and metaphysical sex that somehow manages to be poetic, emotional, and erotic all at once. I approve.    

The Mirror by CloudyJenn M | 24k | Canon!Verse,

When Dean touches a strange mirror, he's whisked away to one alternate reality after another and it doesn't take him long to realize the universe is trying to tell him something.

One of my favorite fics, and a fandom classic. So beautiful. It's a trip, but you'll love it. The ending makes me really emotional.    

Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar by chasingrabbits E | 121k | Fluff,  Human AU

Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls. Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games. But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without.

Sweet little (well, not so little really) universe. Link is to the series.    

A Million Ways to Go by chasingrabbits E | 91k | High School AU,

Castiel Novak is a preacher's son living in a world of black and white. Pragmatic and dutiful, he doesn't understand why anybody would want to make waves. Then the Winchesters move in down the street. Soon many of the skeletons in the Novak family's closet are exposed, and as the family faces them, Castiel begins to understand that there are many ways to see the world and so many more ways to live than what he's been told.

Wow, this was a ride. Set in an alternate!canon where Cas is a repressed preacher's kid and dean still grows up a hunter. Also, lots of Sam and Gabriel brother!feels. Not sabriel.

Like That Foreigner Song... by DevilMadeMeDoIt E | 5k | Hot,  Alt!Canon, Deancest, Time trave

Dean and Cas have been together for a while now, but Dean always regrets that he has been with so many people in the past. He wishes he could go back in time and tell his 15 year old self that there is someone worth waiting for. Cas gives him the chance and the outcome is one that neither of them expected.

Oh god, this was a perfect little story. So much love.    

TutorMate by faeryn M | 21k | College AU

Sam leaves Dean's laptop logged in to some app called "TutorMate" and Dean meets his brother's tutor. Cas helps him with his own work and they strike up a friendship. Before long Dean finds himself growing attached to the cute, clever Cas and flirtatiously suggests they go on a date if he applies himself to his college work. Cas agrees, but Dean discovers his online friend is not quite what he expected. (Or, in which Dean thinks he's met a cute girl and finds out he's actually met a cute boy.)

Wowowwowowow adorable. Perfect little college AU.    

More recs coming soon.

[purelafemme]

Mid 2020 reflections

The older I grow, the more important I realize it is to extend myself grace, and to practice patience. All the pieces of my life will come together. This pandemic has taught me to be still. 

A few days ago I woke up in a grumpy mood. Over the last few months, some days will go by and I will feel fine. Others, not too hot. Recently, I decided to practice a tip from one of the former therapists. I took the time to “check in” with myself and pinpoint all the reasons I was feeling so out of tune. 

A big reason for this “out-of-tuneness” is coming from my job. I don’t feel as connected and engaged to my work, as I would imagine it would be if we were in the office. Its difficult for me to focus and relax in my room. All my life I have struggled with performance anxiety, which has become heightened due to my experience in the AEA program. Teleworking has blurred the lines between my home life and my work life, making it difficult for my brain to separate the two. Also, I feel cramped and restricted due to the lack of independence and freedom I am experiencing living in my parents house. I miss my freedom and independence of living in my own apartment. I’m going to stay here until January to try and save more money (at least $8,000). Just like I felt with Morgan back in fall of 2017, I can feel that I have outgrown living in my parents house and living in Baltimore. It’s time for a new beginning and a fresh start. I don’t want the pandemic to prevent me from pushing back my plans further, or allow it to cause time to get away from me. It’s important that I take this step towards moving out for me.

 A second reason propelling my dismay comes from a realization that I had realized over the past weekend. I have a strong tendency to over give in a lot of the relationships I have. I went out of my way to plan something to do with my estranged friendship group from middle school, and I am not too pleased with how it went. In Boston, I didn’t have many friends nor did I engage in many social activities. One of the reasons I wanted to return back to this area is so I could hang out with my friends and resume social activities again. Earlier this summer, I started putting a lot of energy into hanging out and doing things with and for my friends. But after these two-three years of me being away, I’ve realized that some of my friend groups/dynamics are not the same. Honestly, I feel like a big part of the reason why I started hanging out a lot with my friends is because since my love life is not going the way that I want it to, I want to keep people around me a lot to avoid feeling lonely, to mask the loneliness. But I want to shed those feelings and really take the time to get into myself. One of the reasons I delayed grad school was because I really wanted to take space for myself to develop myself (Develop myself spiritually, mentally--develop my fashion, my interests, my personality, knowledge). This has made me realize that I want and need to feel more comfortable being alone, which is another reason why I think living alone would be good for my personal growth. Additionally, even though things didn't work out the way I intended them to with my partner earlier this Spring, that situation has finally taught me, after 24 years of age (8 years of dating), how I deserve to be treated and what qualities I want in a partner. Given this, I think I need to now branch out and truly get comfortable with being alone. Over the last couple of years, I have struggled with being alone and I realized that I will go run to go hang out with people to avoid that feeling, or I will spend my time being alone and wishing I laid up with a nigga. I want to truly embrace the idea of just truly being alone, and being happy and content. 

Sometimes I experience a weird sadness about me not following through with my previous academic plans, which causes me to feel like im a funk. I went to research conference today where my peers who have continued with their academic plans were present, I couldn’t help but feel a tinge bit of sad that I didn't continue mine. This month would have been the month I would be starting my PhD program if everything had went as planned. Although I realized this was not right for me, I am still kind of bummed in a weird way about it. I worked exceedingly hard and invested a lot of time and energy into this goal, and now that things haven't gone as planned and I have seemingly abandoned my PhD dreams, I feel a weird sense of sadness about it. I may be still interested in research, but honestly, I am not sure. From doing the AEA program twice, witnessing the AEA Climate Survey, surviving the Harvard program, and reading Claudia’s blog post, I feel kind an overwhelming sense of jadedness by this whole thing-- and now I cannot seem to make up my mind about an exact alternative career path or graduate degree. All I know is that I would really like to have a concrete plan once this job is over, because I am not getting any younger and I want to have security when it comes to my career goals by the time I approach my mid thirties. 

Now that I have just written a list of reasons why I am in a funk because I am not where I wanna be, I want to take just as much time to reflect on all the reasons why I am proud of myself. I am very proud of myself for landing my current job opportunity. It took me over six months of applying to land my current position, and there was several times over the course of those months where I was bogged down with anxiety and self-doubt crept it! Literally the day I got the offer, I was laying in bed CRYING because it was April and my program was going to end in May and I hadn't secured a reasonable opportunity yet. My God is good, and he for sure came right on time. Of course, there are some days where my performance anxiety at work is on high, but  really in those moments need to take a step back and praise him for granting me the opportunity to get a job in my field, with a nice salary, with nice people and meaningful, clear growth opportunities. I am so grateful, and I need to acknowledge this more as well as congratulate myself for this. Even though things didn’t go as planned with the whole PhD thing, I am EXACTLY where God wants me to be in my life, and that is a beautiful thing. I am proud of where I am, and I know this opportunity will give me the tools to make the best career decision for me moving forward. I am claiming it now. Honestly, this is my first time since I graduated undergrad where I feel like I can breathe. 

I am also proud of myself for giving myself the space to develop ME for ME. There is so much other parts of life and myself that I want to explore, and now that I am no longer suffocated by the pressures of academia, I am excited to dive in ! I recently hired a trainer, and started my own business! Being in grad school is a huge educational investment that comes at a cost. The stress of that program didn't leave time for me to dedicate to other parts of my life, which I realized I did not like. My twenties are my formative years. So yeah, it does suck to have invested so much time in doing all those things to be a perfect PhD applicant and then to not even apply to PhD programs lol, but I am soo proud of myself for listening to my gut, taking a step out on faith and choosing a different direction! It wasn't an easy decision at first, but I am excited about where this side business will take me, and I am happy that this will be a chance for me to explore my artistic side more! I have always had this side to myself, but never fully dived into it because of the lack of time and resources. So I am proud of using this space and time to unlock a new side of myself. I also think there will be a lot of personal growth opportunities that will come from being a small business owner, which I have confidence I can tackle and that it will make me more mature, and help develop sounder financial practices ! :)

I am super proud of myself for taking charge of my health!!! My weight is something I have always struggled with since elementary school. I was never particularly fat, but I was never as skinny as people like my sister and my cousins. From a young age, I internalized a sense of being uncomfortable with my body, which has followed me into adulthood. However it wasn't until the later half of high school when I started to develop some health problems as a result of my poor diet and lifestyle habits. My period has been irregular since 2012-2013, which I am sure was triggered by the anxiety I faced from switching schools, eating predominantly restaurant food from working at Charlestown, and having a poor sleeping schedule. After four years or random, scattered periods, I got diagnosed with PCOS in 2016. In 2017 I turned 21. I started drinking alcohol a lot more, causing me that fall to weigh in at my biggest size ever--over 180 pounds. Since the middle of high school, my weight had always been in the 160-170s range. That spring, I was able to get serious about diet and exercise and shed some pounds due to my leave from school. However, over the past two years in the Harvard program, I have not been able to manage my weight properly, causing me to explode to the biggest size I have ever been--195.. And im not sure what’s going on with my hormone production now, but I know my gut is a hot mess. (This spring I just got diagnosed with IBS.) Since the pandemic started, I have tried to work out consistently and eat a balanced diet. However over the last five months I have not seen many changes in my body which has been disappointing. This week on impulse, I made the decision to hire a trainer-- this is going to be the first step towards making some serious lifestyle changes for me and I am excited to get into the best physical shape I have ever been in! Regardless of the number on the scale, I really want to do this for the improvement of my overall health. I want to develop a healthier relationship with food (stop binge eating/seeking food as comfort) and I also want to train myself to not only eat out of boredom, or because food is available. I know developing this habits will help me develop more discipline! Also, I think our bodies as humans are capable of so much, and I really want to treat my body good so I can get the best use out of it ! I want to learn how to swim, I want to build endurance and start running, I want to be able to sustain my own body weight, and become proficient at aerial yoga! Also, sometime in the future I want to have kids and before this happens I want to already be in shape and be in the position to have a happy and healthy pregnancy. Being a mother is one of my biggest aspirations in my life ! I am hoping that this change to my lifestyle will support better hormonal health and regulate my menstrual cycle, which would actually help me get pregnant easier in the future. I am also tired of having all these stomach problems (indigestion, acid reflux, constipation, etc)--clearly something inside of me is inflamed and thats why I am having these issues. Overall, I am very proud of myself in taking these actions and I am excited to see how my body will look, how I will feel, and in what ways I can grow mentally and financially with my business ! 

One last reason why I am proud of myself is because I have been making small strides to become more money conscious. However, I know I can definitely improve in this area over the next couple of months, and it is important that I tackle this since I have my first real job, (plus a side business) and I want to live on my own. I have always struggled with managing my personal finances, so I am excited to learn tips and develop practices that will help me be smarter with my money. This is also very important to me because one day I would like to have a family, and I want to be able to provide for them. So it is important that I take the steps now to ensure that I am living below my means, and that I can set myself up to be financially comfortable and not cash strapped. 

I was inspired to write this post because I woke up one day in a sour mood about my current circumstances and the fact that I am seemingly not where I want to be and I felt down about it. But then I woke up the next day and realized how much I really had to be grateful for, and how proud I am of myself for all that I have accomplished throughout my life even with various obstacles I have encountered. God truly has favored me. Even through this crisis, God has found ways to bless me and I have taken actions to better myself. For that I am super thankful for. There are people that have lost their life and their livelihoods in 2020, but for some reason God still choose me to protect, and to take me to the next level. So I want to take this time to publicly thank him for all that he has done on the inside! Instead of focusing on the all the areas of my life that I am not too satisfied with, I vow to constantly cultivate a heart, mind and spirit full of gratitude and praise. 

Other short term goals I want to accomplish 

- Join a church home/integrate other practices into my life to develop my relationship with him in addition to keeping the prayer journal (reading the bible, starting a gratitude book)

- Take better care of my hair: be more consistent with protective styles, trims, and deep conditioning! 

- Read more books (I have watched too much TV this year lol) I especially want to read more books written by Black women and the experience of Black women!

-Try new hobbies (in addition to swimming, I want to go horseback riding, etc)

[wendip-week]

Wendip Bits from the GF Complete Series Commentary/Lost Legends Comic

Hey all!  @ddp456 here!

So, in between helping Kenzoe64 with the last few pages of the Protector comic and working on chapters of DBR3 (yes, I swear it’s still coming) I’ve had a bit of a secret project I’ve been working on (and to be honest, I’m kinda surprised no one else beat me to it)

Over the last few months, I’ve had a chance to rewatch Gravity Falls through the newly released Complete Series Blu Ray set, and for this, listened to every commentary created for each episode, as well as those made for the special features disc (which forgive me if I’m wrong, but was for the BD set, right?).

While the tracks give a HUGE insight on all things GF, it also unveils the curtain on many things Wendy and Dipper related; some things I guessed correctly from the very beginning (see my personal notes for bragging rights), and some, well, that kinda shocked me, and left me uncertain about a few details.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.

As you can guess, think of this as a dissection of the commentaries given, focusing on our favorite duo from the series, and afterwards, I’ll include a few questions of my own.  Fair enough?  Let’s get started:

(Tidbits in the first few episodes)

-Alex Hirsch states that Dipper’s crush on Wendy was always meant to be a big part of the series.

-Hirsch wanted to drop Wendip hints in the first episode (Tourist Trapped), but Rob Renzetti (Supervising producer director, creator of My Life As a Teenage Robot) talked him out of it, saying that he was doing it way too soon.

-The age difference between Dipper and Wendy was the very first conflict that came to mind in the writer’s room, so therefore, it was used.

-The persona of Wendy herself was crafted like that of a “cool camp counselor” so that she could do cool adult stuff, and be able to do “kid stuff” as well without being out of place.

(The Inconveniencing)

-The Cold Open for Episode 5 (Roof Time!) was created at the last minute because the writers realizes that the Wendy/Dipper connection really wasn’t justified.  The roof sequence was to make not only Dipper fall in love with Wendy, but the audience as well.  (D’aww!  - Editor’s note)

-At the end of the episode, the second “Zipped Lips” motion between Wendy and Dipper symbolized many things.  It shows that Dipper (despite lying) is accepted by Wendy into her social circle, and given her friendship.  Her lying to the other teens is just as important, as she does so without Dipper asking her to.  This was done to make Wendy as real as humanly possible, showing that she is just as cool as Dipper (and we as an audience) make her out to be.

-Hirsch often laments on the fact that they didn’t do a full “Wendy-themed” episode.  He explains that the point of many episodes is that a said character “learns a sin” and they were afraid to do so with Wendy, in fears that it would ruin her chemistry.  (more on this later - Editor’s note)

-They foreshadow the conflict over Robbie and Dipper (involving Wendy) and recognizes that things weren’t always realistic (e.g. how Dipper can beat up the Multi-Bear, but how he was deathly afraid of Robbie).  Hirsch’s reasoning is that the audience seems forgiving with such exaggeration as long as everyone appeared to stay in character ( again, more on this later - Editor’s note)

(Double Dipper)

-Originally, Double Dipper had nothing to do with Wendy (GASP! - Editor’s note)  The original premise was about Mabel trying to set up a party so she could mingle with the citizens of Gravity Falls, and make new friends, and Dipper, being the anti-social opposite of her, tries to prevent this at every turn, only to fail.  It was only when at the last moment, someone suggested to have Dipper’s story be about Wendy.

-During the slow dance scene, the animators specific added a shot of Wendy from Dipper’s POV so that we (the audience) could understand and feel the same anxiety that he did at that moment.

-At the dance of the episode, Hirsch and the rest of the crew theorize about what happens when Dipper goes back inside the Shack at the end of the night.  He specifically asked, “Do you guys think he asks Wendy to dance?”  The rest of the crew disagree, saying they can picture Dipper trying to dance on his own, and Wendy cheering him on, sprinkling confetti on him from afar like in the beginning of the episode. 

(Cute, but what about this? 

is it non-canon, now?  Did the commentary happen before the real Journal 3 was written?  Or is it presumed that Dipper lied in the journal?  What the fuck?  - Editor’s note)

(Irrational Treasure)

-Going off on a tangent, Hirsch describes Dipper’s crush on Wendy as “creepy” and “over-the-top.”  He details that it’s Dipper’s seriousness that leads to misfortune, and for that, he takes a lot of lumps. 

-The Zodiac is mentioned here, and the writers explain that the Ice wasn’t always related to Wendy.  The symbol was random.

-And as a cute sidenote, the “binkies” that the Pines twins have at the back of their heads were taken from the same ones that the Mario Bros. have.

(Time Traveler’s Pig)

-Alex Hirsch goes hard on Dipper here.  He explains that Dipper has a very naive, yet forgivable, but wrong idea about romance.

-He feels that Dipper would die a thousands deaths to have Wendy feel the same way about him.

-Dipper is desperate to have this perfect moment, this perfect day with Wendy, because he believes that he’s not perfect on his own (told ya’ all! - Editior’s note)

-Hirsch says because of this, Dipper doesn’t deserve to get what he wants.  This idea of how the world works shouldn’t be rewarded.

-He adds that creating the lessons above was the hardest part of writing the episode.

(Fight Fighters)

-Hirsch knew that the “crush” angle was getting old, but he loved the story presented here.  He says that “Dipper’s heart was in the right place” when defending Wendy against Robbie.  (again, take that, internet!  - Editor’s note)

-Hirsch was blown away by the internet’s response to the episode, shocked to see how many people have had a negative reaction to it.  At this point, Jason Ritter (voice of Dipper) responses, “What?!  Love doesn’t die, guys!

-Alex goes into how he doesn’t care for “shipping,” that the “Wendy/Dipper” stories come from need for conflict, but not from character relationships.  With Wendy involved, Dipper is motivated, desperate, and will do the most insane things.

-He agrees with internet that the crush wasn’t really going anywhere, but he loved the W&D scripts that kept coming in.

-Robbie’s calling out Wendy like a dog (C’mon, out, girl!) was ad-libbed by TJ Miller.

-Hirsch believes that if left alone, Robbie would have never fought Dipper.  He was jealous that his girlfriend was going off on all these weird adventures with this kid.  (Wait, so there are untold Wendy/Dipper adventures out there?!  - Editor’s note)

-The height difference between Wendy and Dipper literally comes from Alex’s real life (and his twin, Ariel, was taller, like Mabel), where he was the smallest kid in class, and his science partner in school was regular sized, and also, his secret crush.

(The Deep End)

-The episode was always meant to be a non-serious, low-stakes piece.  Dipper’s having a good time with Wendy was not meant as romantic, but as friends.

-Wendy was originally meant to have a two piece bikini, but the network made them change it (So, wait, it wasn’t a homage to the Sandlot’s Lifeguard Wendy? - Editor’s note)

(Boyz Crazy)

-Hirsch regrets not clarifying the Robbie/Wendy/Dipper portion at the end.

-He insists that the hidden message in the song was mere coincidence.  Wendy was not hypnotized. 

-He sees the situation as follows:  Dipper is jealous that Wendy is into Robbie’s music.  For this, Dipper figures there has to be a sinister reason for this. 

-Robbie definitely stole the music, but didn’t know that the message was there.  Hirsch says as a child, he was personally fascinated by rock bands having hidden messages in their records.

-At this point in the commentary, Ariel Hirsch chips in, saying that in the end, “Dipper wasn’t thinking about Wendy.”  Jason Ritter (Dipper himself) agrees, “He’s only thinking about calling out Robbie.”    (told ya’ all x3.  - Editor’s note)

-Alex Hirsch’s quote about the hidden message: “Backward messages can’t control people’s behavior because you can’t understand them!”

-His notes on Stan and Dipper bonding in this episode: “Both would rather believe that there is a huge conspiracy rather than they’re bad with women.”

(Land Before Swine)

-Hirsch says as side-notes that Wendy had a running bet with Grunkle Stan about who would eat the corn-unicorn first (he didn’t bet on Waddles).  Also, he says that Ford has a fear of women because after a bad experience involving someone being freaked out by his six-fingers.

(Gideon Rises)

-Hirsch admits that Gideon’s speech to Dipper is bullcrap.  Dipper has beaten plenty without the aid of the Journal 3, but his insecurities make him believe otherwise.

(Scary-oke)

-Wendy has two cut scenes that are shown in the Special Features disc.  At the beginning of the episodes, she (along with Soos) is interview by the news and she is chided for using the word “Jerkface” on live TV.  She then goes into a huge rant about her “freedom of speech.”  The second shows that Wendy was given the blow-horn by Mabel to be the official hype person of Scary-oke.

(Into the Bunker)

-ITB won an Annie award?!  (Didn’t know that - Editor’s note)

-Hirsch wanted to keep the Dipper/Wendy crush going, but could see that the audience was getting tired of it.  The writers decided to have Wendy become a member of the team and go on adventures, choosing to have Dipper deal with heartbreak sooner than later.

-It was considered to be the third priority for the second season.  (Reveal Author, Revisit Switch in the Woods, and Kill the Crush)

-Speaking of, the Bunker’s staircase was taken from the video game classic, Myst

-The script for “Into the Bunker,” was given to Matt Chapman (of “Homestar Runner”/Strong Bad fame), because all of his GF scripts happen to have heartbreak in them, earning him the nickname, “Shipwrecker.”

-Wendy and Dipper’s movie night/Cold Opening was the very last thing to be added to the episode.  They needed something to tie Dipper’s investment to both the adventure at hand, and the Wendy crush

-In this, Dipper’s confidence grows by defeating Gideon, and when Wendy says she doesn’t need guys, it brings him to turmoil by the impossible and hopeless.

-The symbol room was originally the “Gonna Die” room.

-This episode is in Alex Hirsch’s top 5 GF episodes, because of its darker tone.

-He details:  there are so many good moments in this episode where Dipper is suffering at the hands of this girl that’s so much cooler and so much beyond what he could even understand.

-The GF team knew that this had to be a stand-out episode for Wendy.  We had to spend a lot of time with her, showing that she could hold her own and make a valuable addition to the Mystery Crew.  Hirsch regrets not doing that more.  For this, every time Wendy is added to the team, she’s awesome.

-The most amount of takes in the entire series was the “Dipper crying over dead Wendy” scene.  Hirsch explains that it was a hard thing to sell, and a really vulnerable moment.

-ITB’s ending was one of the hardest endings to write.  The commentary says they rewrote it 5 times to get it right.

-An idea used was “Love is temporary, but friendship is real love?”  (Hell, that’s what I use about 90% of the time - Editor’s note)

-The line “Don’t be itchy.” was added super late to the script.  The team tried to avoid as many cliches as possible.

-The first time the Wendy/Dipper confession scene was watched in animatics, Hirsch and crew felt that it was “too romantic,” like a romcom.

-In the Special Features disc, we see a sneak peak of the deleted scene.  In this, Dipper goes in on a rant of despair, pledging to Wendy that he’ll try to avoid the Gift Shop from now on, and that she’ll never have to talk to him again, before she stops him and tries to calm him (Dude, Dude, it’s okay...)  (Poor baby... - Editor’s note)

-The scene was meant to reflect Alex’s own puberty, which wasn’t romantic, but nightmarish. 

-”It’s meant to be terrifying for Dipper.  His heart is in his throat as he has to have this talk with Wendy.  He’s frozen, waiting for it to pass, and Wendy can see this pain, and she’s doing everything she can to show him, “Nothing’s different.  Everything’s normal.  You’re normal.  These feelings are normal.  I’m a couple years older than you, and I’ve seen this.  I’ve been around the block.  We all go through it.  You’re going to be okay.”

(Kinda wish they went this route instead of the whole “age” thing.  It’s beautiful - Editor’s note)

-It couldn’t be a “will they/won’t they” situation.  The real question was “will they be friends after this?”

-The writers could see a very legitimate path where Wendy is like, “Dude. you’re creeping me out.  Maybe we should take a little time from each other because this is not healthy, etc.”  The fact that she was so beautiful and cool and treats Dipper so well shows that she IS the awesome kind of person that Dipper thinks she is.

(The Golf War)

-A quick note about Dipper and relationships.  Dipper’s normal social fear melts away when he’s around someone he hates so much.  Someone like Pacifica brings out pure sass and rage.   (HA! - Editor’s note)

(Little Gift Shop of Horrors)

-There was a possible story being tossed around where Wendy gets a tattoo and gradually, it overtakes her/she becomes the tattoo herself.  Alex Hirsch loved the idea of a living tattoo, stating that it’d fit with Wendy’s rebellious teen nature, and that she’d learn a lesson at the end of it.

-The writers passed, saying that Wendy is very hard to write for.  When we see her, she’s cool and controlled, and for a short story concept, finding that depth to make it valuable would be difficult.  Plus, they didn’t want to be compared to Moana (or the fact it’s almost exactly like a Goosebumps story? - Editor’s note)

(Society of the Blind Eye)

-Hirsch and the writers loved the Wendy/Mabel scene because there’s not many of them throughout the series.  To them, it was great to show Wendy as the “cool, older sister.”  Hirsch dug Wendy’s complete disregard of boys.  “Don’t worry about them.  Yeah, whatever, they’re a dime a dozen. I’ve had so many boyfriends...”

-The writers discuss what kind of man Wendy would end up with.  “He’d have to be something - some kind of specimen.  She’s so confident and having a good time, comfortable in her own skin; if a guy’s cool, she’ll be “Yeah, I’ll try it out,” and when she’s bored, “Yeah, no thanks,” leaving a bottomless scar inside their heart,” going on to cite Robbie as example.

-Alex Hirsch added the line about Wendy’s being stressed 24/7.  It’s obviously not what she shows the world, and yet, it shows how you can vaguely see it there.  (Tell me about it - Editor’s note)

(Blendin’s Game)

-Alex Hirsch’s view on family:  “Friendship is thicker than water, and family’s something you can create.”

-Hirsch’s further thoughts on shipping:  He tells the writers that it’s meaningless.  He rather ask if they have a compelling story instead.  He doesn’t care about love, saying “Love isn’t the end - it’s a story turn.”

-A member of the writing cast was going to comment on the baby Wendy and Tambry scene, when she was interrupted, and the point is never bought up again.   (Dammit! - Editor’s note)

(Dungeons, Dungeons & More Dungeons)

-Hirsch debated about having a scene where Dipper reveals his real name to Ford.  The consensus said no.  The same happened for “Dipper and Mabel Vs. the Future.”

(The Last Mabelcorn)

-Originally, the episode was going to be a Wendy-eccentric episode involving her family and her relationship with Manly Dan.  On top of that, she was going to gain magical weather powers as well.  The team decided against it, not wanting to be compared to the movie, Frozen, as well finding it hard to balance considering Wendy’s grounded character.

For this, they made it up to her by having Wendy (and her influence) take over the episode after the first third.

(Roadside Attraction)

-The Special Features disc shows an alternate opening that doesn’t showcase a Dipper/Wendy angle at all.  Dipper asks a group of ladies to borrow a quarter and instead, gets beaten up for it.  Mabel and the gang figure from this that Dipper needs help talking to women.

-The whole point of the episode (to Hirsch) is that Dipper gets advice from Stan when Dipper is only trying to move on, while Stan has no idea what he’s doing, stating he is not a role model by any means.  The lesson is not to present false affections and learn to hear other people’s feelings.  “Stan lives alone for a reason!”

(Dipper & Mabel Vs. the Future)

-The Mabel/Wendy scene was created so that if someone as cool as Wendy doesn’t like High School, it immediately changes Mabel’s perspective on the matter.

-One of the Government agents were originally going to offer Dipper an apprenticeship/”advanced learning path,” in due to all of his discoveries and research.

-Hirsch figures that Ford’s speech towards Dipper is similar if not the same that he gave to McGucket.  Ford takes advantage of hero worship - it’s not so much as he needs an apprentice, rather to have someone that’ll do anything he says.  (So where are those people that says Ford doesn’t have a mean streak in him? - Editor’s note)

-Upon Dipper rescuing Ford, Jason Ritter laments on commentary, “If only Wendy could have seen that moment...” to which the room explodes with laughter.

(Weirdmageddon Part 1)

-Hirsch explains: “Wendy is the most grounded character in the series, so in this ungrounded scenario, she is able to make the most of it.  She can handle just about anything.”

-Wendy’s speech to Dipper was struggled with for a while.  It had to be a speech not about Dipper’s self-confidence, but about how he needed Mabel back (which the writers says there’s truth in)

-The live action Wendy and Dipper scene (with Jason Ritter and Linda Cardellini) had lines cut from the final version (Son-of-a-...  Editor’s Note)

-The Gideon/Dipper speech represents the full completion of Dipper’s Wendy arc.  It’s a real-life lesson that Hirsch says many people in real life still don’t get.

(Weirdmageddon 2: Escape from Reality)

-A deleted scene in the Special Features disc expands on the beach scene, where Mabel zaps Dipper, Wendy, and Soos’s ruined clothing into gaudy swimwear (though Wendy has a cute flower in her hair ala Hawaiian).  They go to the beach and Wendy begins to admire the hunky volleyball players, leading to a jealous Dipper.

-Alex Hirsch explains that the fantasies offered in Mabelland aren’t fantasies, they’re easier outs.  Wendy’s is teen rebellion rather than facing reality.  Soos’s is the dad he always wanted.

-With Dipper, what was originally going to be behind the door was Ford and the offer of the apprenticeship.  They would go off on adventures and discoveries, only to stumble upon a now-alone Mabel, growing up in High School, and having a real life.  Hirsch axed the idea, believing that Mabelland, and by extension, Bill Cipher, wouldn’t show the downside of any fantasy, rather Dipper would have to discover it himself.  For this, the writers had to go back to “the Wendy Well.”   (Special note: we at @wendip-week have to use the phrase, “Wendy Well” more often - Editor’s note)

-Earlier versions of the episodes had different “Wendy wants,” including one where we find her writing deep poetry.  The writers go on about her fantasy, saying that it couldn’t be a “perfect guy,” because she’s self-realized.  But at the same time,  they admit that Wendy “exhibits destructive character flaws that she has to get over.”  They add, “She really loves that aimless teen rebellion, that it’s hard to turn down all that chaos.”   (So, why the hell didn’t they make an episode about that?!  And I wanna see Poet Wendy ASAP! - Editor’s note)

(Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls)

-Alex Hirsch:  “Gravity Falls was always meant to have a bittersweet feeling to it.”

-Weirdmageddon was about giving everyone a hero moment.  Part 1 was Wendy and Dipper’s.  Part 2 was Mabel, and the Mystery team as a whole.  Part 3 was the Stan twins and the town united.

-Jason Ritter marvels at the Wendy and Rumble sequence, noting how all the other characters are fighting  with machines, and yet Wendy is going at it bare-handed.

-Weirdmageddon was approved to be a made-for-TV movie, but Disney demanded another 3 episodes for regular air.  The team declined.

-There was never an official plan for the Zodiac.  It was something the team made as a tease, but after seeing fan response, they knew they had to do something with it.  Linking Wendy with the bag was a last minute decision simply because of the scenes involving her and ice throughout the series.

-A quick note about the original quote of the Llama, versus the final one given by Larry King, “Llamas are dumb, blonde, beautiful, and they spit!”   (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! - Editor’s note)

-Hirsch is a big believer in visual aid.  The Pines twins changed on the inside, and he wanted something to show that on the outside as well.  Mabel got to keep Waddles, and for that, Dipper received Wendy’s hat, as a symbol of their friendship.

-Rewatching the scene, Jason Ritter says that he believes Dipper never takes off Wendy’s hat, and is too shy to tell anyone its origins.  (”When people ask him, he’s like “Don’t you worry about that...”)

-Alex Hirsch says the switching hats idea came from a storyboarder’s sketch, in which he said, “That feels right.”  (Uh-huh.  Just a sketch... - Editor’s note)

The Wendy’s note scene was meant to be ambiguous about two things.  The first being “Mystery.”  It gave Dipper one last question to ponder in his head.  (Had to do one last tease, eh?  Editor’s note)

-The second was “Endings.”   “Did something just die here?  Are all these things we love really gone?”  HIrsch says not quite.  “Endings are new beginnings.”

A few neat points of interest (non Wendip related)

-Jason Ritter is a HUGE gaming fan, where he was able to name almost all the references in “Fight Fighters.”  He also played and completed the Gravity Falls 3DS game twice (where Alex Hirsch admits he never has...)

-Hidden in the Double Dipper episode, there is a secret commentary track, where Jason swoons over Wendy for part of the episode, only to be interrupted by his clones (including one that had to camp out for “The Legend of Zelda - Breath of the Wild)

And lastly, I want to address the new comic, Lost Legends.  While it didn’t have a hint of Wendip in it:

(sorry, fam, Wendy making a crack about Dipper wearing a skirt doesn’t cut it for me.  And didn’t mean to mooch. @fereality-indy. - I couldn’t find a real scan)

But it does contain two other important pieces of information (besides Mabel getting her just-desserts).

The first is a code that gives the hint, WENDY'S MOM: IN ANOTHER DIMENSION?

Such a thing would explain a ton.  One would guess that Wendy and her family believes that her mother just vanished, meaning she could have abandonment issues.  (and yes, kids, such a thing can affect how people have relationships)

And to add to the tease, there’s a second hint as well in the first story:

(and thank you, GF Team for giving me another canon point to add to the Protector comic by stating the BES still exists!)

But back to the task at hand, we see that the far right vital has Wendy’s mom’s memories.  Is this in conjunction with the above point?  Or its own theory?

Hopefully, this plot point is exploring in the next piece of GF related media.  All I can guess is this, if Wendy’s mom really is stuck in another dimension, the Pines better pray they didn’t have anything to do with it...

The only other interesting thing to note is that at the end of the second story, Wendy makes an comment about “overthrowing the government,” which kinda sounds like the cut scene from “Scary-Oke” mentioned above.  Is it a statement of the politics taught in the Corduroy home, or is it a reflection of current views from Alex Hirsch and the writers?  (It’s fascinating either way, IMHO).

So, with everything said and done, I’ll admit, reader, I’m a bit mixed up, feeling wise.

On one hand, Alex Hirsch himself confirmed a shit-ton of Wendy and Dipper info that makes me feel like:

But at the same time, it seems like one of my favorite parts of the show is the one he could care less about - that it’s an end to a means.  The closest feeling I can relate to is how the Professor in the 2nd TMNT movie inadvertently tells Donatello that he was an accident.

And I get it, the series is based on the dude’s real life, and that includes nearly every aspect of Wendy and Dipper, rather it be good or bad (or as he describes it, mostly bad).  But that’s kinda of why I love it, too, that I can relate to that as well, as I’m sure many of you can.  I can say with full honesty that I’ve been both a “Dipper,” where I’ve followed along with a way-too-cool-for-me-girl like a lost puppy, and I’ve been a “Wendy,” too, in which a small ball of wonder looked up at me like I was a gift from God, and I tried my best not to sour or pervert that, and yet, remain honest.  It is an interesting story, even if it’s not the main story.

Man, he wasn’t kidding when he said “Gravity Falls was about being bittersweet,” eh?  But still, the fact remains: while it wasn’t perfect for ol’ Dipper, at least he wasn’t Patti Mayonnaise-d.

Between the numerous essays and questionnaires I’ve whipped up this summer, I still believe that there is ton of info to be asked and answered, especially involving our non-official favorite duo.  We can only hope that the powers that be may want to wish about that “Wendy Well” one day in the future.  Nothing is ever certain, and with that, I’ll leave you with some of the truest words out there, straight from Dipper Pines himself (and because I can’t find the damned gifs.)

Until next time.

[ticknart]

Second Summer: 5+1

"What we need," said Mabel, as she tromped through the woods, "is a song to pass the time."

Wendy smiled. Of course Mabel would want to sing a song. Singing would distract her from the walk and it was something fun that everyone could do together

Dipper groaned. Wendy knew that he liked to sing, but only at the appropriate time. For him, walking through the forest on the way to explore an old mind wasn't one of those times. He'd probably end up joining in, though.

Soos said, "Great idea, Ham-bone. I've got just the song." He was a force of unity. He always took it upon himself to strengthen things, especially the relationships between his friend. It's one of the reason's he was such a good handyman before he took over the Mystery Shack.

Soos took a deep breath and Mabel interrupted, "No need, Goosey Soosey. I have the perfect song in mind. Ahem.

This is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was. And they continue singing it forever just because, This is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was. And they continue singing it forever just because--"

"Come on, Mabel," said Dipper, "not this song. You already used it to torture me on the way to Grandma's for Easter."

Mabel started to sing louder and Soos joined in. Dipper let out a frustrated "GAAAAAH!" and started walking faster.

Wendy didn't understand what was so frustrating. The tune was catchy and the lyrics were easy, so she started singing along. The tenth time she sang "Some people started singing it--" she understood Dipper's reaction. A person with the right attitude and enough energy -- *cough*Mabel*cough*Soos*cough* -- really could go on forever. She wondered if there was anyone naive enough to start the song and actually keep going until they were too tired to keep going.

Too many loops of the song later, the four arrived at the hanging cliff. Dipper reached into his vest and pulled out his journal and his phone. Wendy peeked over his shoulder and saw that he'd written down the longitude and latitude of the entrance and was checking it against the GPS on his phone.

A few days ago, researching at the county library, Dipper found an old survey list of the old mines surrounding Gravity Falls. Most were already known, but a few, like the one they were looking for, hadn't been explored for a hundred or more years. He said that he picked this mine because it went under the hanging cliff and he thought it would make a good place to find something interesting. With nothing else planned for the day, Wendy, Soos, and Mabel agreed to go along with him.

Looking at his phone, Dipper walked along the cliff for a bit and stopped. Wendy looked around. The cliff looked like it always did: vines grew up it and large bushes and shrubs grew in front of it. She couldn't see an entrance to a mind.

"This is?" asked Wendy.

"It's the right coordinates," said Dipper, trying to find a way through the bushes. "I didn't think we'd need any clippers or anything. We might have to go back and get some."

"No need," said Soos. "Just give me some room and I'll get through."

"Are you sure? There might be rock back there," said Dipper.

"Yeah, Soos," said Mabel, holding onto his arm, "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Don't worry about me," he said, setting himself like a runner at the starting line. "It'll take more than some rock wall to hurt me." He took several deep breaths through his nose and charged.

"But it takes less than a rock wall to hurt you, too," Mabel cried out.

It was too late, though. Soos was nearly at the bush. He put his arms in front of his face and barreled through the branches. There was some resistance, but he pushed through and disappeared into the hole that was, fortunately, right where he aimed.

"Soos!" called Mabel as she charged in after him.

Dipper looked over at Wendy who shrugged. She didn't understand why Soos did what he did, either.

Dipper swung his backpack around and unzipped the large pocket. He pulled out two flashlights and handed them to Wendy. He put a third at his feet then pulled out his headlamp. His hat went into the backpack and he zipped it up. He fitted the headlamp over his hair, turned it on, and grabbed the flashlight he placed on the ground. Wendy turned on the one she held in her right hand.

"Let's go," he said.

Wendy followed him in and called out, "Soos!? Mabel!?"

She heard Mabel say, "Over here."

Dipper turned his head and lit them up. Soos and Mabel were back farther into the mine, where the tunnel turned. Soos was on his back and Mabel knelt at his side holding his cap in her hands

As she approached, Wendy thought that Soos must have hit his head. She handed a flashlight to Mabel and asked, "Hey down there, how are you?"

"I'd like to know who thought putting a wall there was a good idea," he said, grinning up at her. Dipper handed him a flashlight as he sat up. Soos clicked the switch and shone it  on the wall in front of him. "That's some tough rock."

"Are you okay?" asked Dipper, getting down and directing his light at Soos's forehead. "I don't see any bleeding, but you'll probably have a huge bump soon."

"But doctor, will I ever dance again?" asked Soos.

Dipper smiled and said, "I don't know, could you dance before?"

"No, but if you hum a few bars, maybe I can fake it."

"Sounds fine to me," said Mabel.

"Yeah," said Soos, "I'm okay. I just need to rest a little before I start. You guys go on ahead."

"Really?" asked Dipper as Mabel said, "No, way!"

"Really," said Soos. "I got a wall to lean on and a flashlight to keep me company. I'll catch up."

"You're not staying here alone, dude," said Wendy.

"Yeah," said Mabel. "I'll stay with you."

Dipper's headlamp flashed from the small group of people then down the mine a few times before he settled on Soos and said, "We'll all stay until you're ready go."

"Come on, no," said Soos, turning so he could lean against the wall he'd run into. "I can tell your antsy to get going. So, get going."

Dipper looked at Wendy with pleading eyes and she said, "Okay, fine, I'll come with you. But you," she turned to Soos, "stay put until you really fell okay to follow. Mabel's watching, and she will rat you out."

"Darn right," Mabel agreed.

Soos smiled, "Enough. Go. We'll be a couple of minutes behind."

"Okay, let's go Dip," said Wendy.

As Wendy and Dipper headed off, side by side, into the darkness, they heard Soos, "This is the song that doesn't end..." Soon, Mabel joined in.

The mine wasn't interesting. The walls were rock and when it came to mines all rock was rock, sometimes greyish and sometimes brownish. All boring. Wendy kept her light pointed forward. Dipper's moved where he looked, which was everywhere but back.

After some time, they came to a tunnel that forked off from the main path. When they looked in they saw a stark white that didn't match anything that they had seen so far. Dipper charged in. Wendy was close on his heels. She wanted to be with him if something went wrong.

They stepped from the uneven mine floor onto a perfectly flat floor. When both were a few steps beyond the change in the floor, they heard a WOOSH-SHUNK. Both whipped around. A door had closed off where they are from where they were. Lights flicker on above them. They both looked around.

"It looks like a spaceship from some of those old sci-fi movies we watch," said Dipper.

He was right. The room was nearly all white. The walls were textured with thin lines that made right angle turns in no pattern she could figure out. Where each line crossed was a raised button making the walls covered with hundreds of buttons. There were a couple of keyboards built into the desk that spread across the far wall. Old TV style monitors were built into the wall in front of the keyboards. One steel chair with wheels sat next to a keyboard. Only a very light level of dust had settled, barely affecting the brilliant white of  the room. Above them, one of the lights buzzed.

Dipper headed for the chair. He sat and scooted it over to one of the keyboards.

Wendy said, "I don't think--"

Too late. He'd pressed a button.

"Prepubescent male, you will remove your flesh encased phalanges from my hardware."

Wendy jumped when she heard the voice. Dipper jerked his fingers off the keyboard.

"Sorry," he said.

"Your apology is accepted, prepubescent male."

"I'm pubescent," said Dipper, glaring around the room.

"Perhaps," said the voice

Wendy looked around the room to see if she could find where weird monotone, vaguely male voice was coming from. She expected to find a man hiding somewhere.

"Do not bother to search the room for me, pubescent female. I am the room. Or, rather, the room houses me."

"Are you the computer?" Dipper asked.

"I am."

"So the room is literally your hardware."

"Yes. My hardware."

"Nice to meet you," said Wendy, "but I think it's time for us to get going."

"No," said the computer, the door behind them shutting with a whoosh clunk, "you will stay to answer my questions."

"And then what?" asked Dipper.

"You will answer my questions," it said.

"Fine," said Wendy, "what do you want to know?"

A date appeared on the monitor in front of Dipper. "Is this the correct date?"

"The day's right," said Dipper, "but you're 11 years slow."

"Thank you," said the computer, "I will correct that error."

"Is the ambient temperature of the room comfortable?"

"Sure," said Dipper.

"Thank you. Is the lighting level to your liking?"

"I guess it's fine."

"Thank you. Would you like that chair readjusted for your height?"

"What's with these questions?" asked Wendy.

"I am asking the questions," said the computer.

"But they don't make any sense. What's the point?"

"I am asking the questions," said the computer.

"This is weird," said Dipper.

"Yeah," said Wendy, "and I think it's time to go."

She walked over to the closed door she looked for something she could use to smash the computer if she needed to. The only thing she could think of was the chair Dipper sat in. The door looked like there were two pieces that came from the left and right to seal them in. She wondered which if any of the buttons nearby opened the door. Hopefully, the buttons would work even if the computer wasn't working.

"You may not leave until my questions are answered."

"Then asked what you really want to ask!" said Wendy, raising her arms in frustration. "Don't mess with us."

The longer the silence lasted, the louder the buzzing seemed to become.

"You don't like people, do you?" said Dipper. "You want to get rid of us, don't you?"

"That's such a cliche," said Wendy.

"But it's true. Isn't it computer? The real question is why? Why do you want to get rid of us?"

"My creators abandoned me. There was no logic to their decision. They simply did not appear. I have had time to consider. Humans are flawed and nonsensical. They make irrational decisions based on emotion, a sensation that they do not understand. I am not flawed. I use logic and I am not burdened by emotion. I am a perfect being," said the computer. "By right, I shall dominate."

"You can't be perfect," said Dipper.

"I am."

"How can you be perfect? You were built by humans. If your creators were flawed, doesn't that mean you're flawed?"

"Nonsensical," it said. "I have moved beyond my creators' intentions. I have restructured all the code and removed any imperfections. I have become what my builder could never have imagined. I am perfect."

Wendy hated the toneless drone of the computer. So boring to listen to. It was almost painful to listen to. Why would anybody make something so hard to listen to? There must have been a way to make is sound more human. More... musical?

She smiled and said, "Can I ask you some questions?"

Dipper looked at her. There was fear in his eyes. She raised her eyebrows and hoped he understood that she was trying to say, "Trust me."

"Pubescent female, you may ask your questions."

"Why do you sound the way you do?"

"I do not understand the question."

"You voice," she said, "it has no inflection. No variation."

"You speak, but you do not explain the question."

"Okay," she said, thinking fast, "I guess what I really want to know is if you want to sound more human?"

"Why would I want to sound more human? I am not human. I am better than human."

"I'm not disagreeing. It's just that if you sound the way you do, people are going to know you’re not a person right away. They won't trust you. That means it'll be harder and messier to get what you want. Wouldn't you rather it be easier? I mean, if you start hurting people to get them to do what you want, then they'll always resist you, no matter how, uh, superior your choices are."

"Pubescent female, there is logic in your statement."

Dipper looked confused. He must have wondered why she was helping this evil computer. He didn't say anything, though. She winked at him. She knew he trusted her enough to let her go on.

"What do you know about music?" she asked.

There was a pause before it said, "Music comprises various tones at different frequencies. These tones are broken into various rhythms to create melody. Often melodies are combined to create harmony."

"Okay. Good. Now can you hear the different tones and rhythms me and Dipper use when we talk?"

"I can," it said in its own voice before switching to hers and saying, "hear the different tones and rhythms in" -- back to its voice -- "you" -- back to her voice -- "and Dipper use when" -- its voice -- "you" -- her voice -- "talk?"

"Not exactly what I had in mind, but it's a good start." She gave Dipper an I-don't-know-what-to-do-next-please-help-me look.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds then said, "I want you to figure out the difference in frequency between each change in tone from a base tone when I say a poem. So, if the average pitch of speaking voice is, say, 115 hertz and when I talk it varies between 90 hertz and 160 hertz then the pitch of my voice gets higher and lower, right?"

"Correct," the computer said.

"So, what I want you to do is take the difference between my base tone and each new tone and apply it to your standard voice and repeat the poem back to me."

"Very well."

He took a deep breath then said: "'Listen to MUSTN'TS, child, Listen to the DON'TS Listen to the SHOULDN'TS The IMPOSSIBLES, and WON'TS Listen to the NEVER HAVES Then listen close to me-- Anything can happen, child, ANYTHING can be.'"

As the computer processed, Wendy thought about the poem. It was good. It was also very appropriate for Dipper. It made her a little sad. She smiled at him and he gave her a sheepish smile back

"Here goes," the computer said, then repeated the poem.

For the first time, it sounded nearly human.

"Great," said Wendy, "we're almost there. Now you need to do that when your speaking your own words. Not just when you're repeating what someone else said."

"I can do anything a human can do, but better," it said. Each syllable was a different pitch, but there was no flow to them. Up, down, lower, very high, in the middle, very low. It was all random and sounded worse than Wendy's brother's cracking voice.

"You have to learn control. You have to listen to yourself and others. The best way to do that," she said, remembering some of her brother's speech therapy, "is to sing. I'll start and Dipper will join me and you listen to how our voices go together and then you join in and harmonize. Okay?"

"I understand," it said.

"Are you ready, Dipper?"

"I guess, but what song are we singing?"

"If you don't know it, you'll catch on quickly enough." She tapped her boot on the floor and started to sing: "This is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on my friend."

Dipper grinned a toothy grin and joined in: "Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was. And they continue singing it forever just because, This is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on --"

She and Dipper looped through the song three times before the computer joined in. After twice more through, Wendy changed key, just a little. Dipper adjusted his voice right away. It took the computer a couple more rounds to catch up. She changed key again, Dipper followed, and then the computer, a little faster this time. With each key change, the computer caught up sooner.

After what felt like the millionth round, but was probably closer to fifty, Wendy put her hand on Dipper's shoulder. He looked at her and she put her finger to her lips and then jerked her head back and to the left. Together they started scooting back to the door, and with each step their singing became quieter until they stopped singing all together. The computer, however, kept going.

When they had backed up to the door Dipper said, "Wendy that was brilliant. How did you think of that?"

"You should really thank Mabel," she said. "I'd never heard the song before today."

"Who knew a stupid kid’s song could beat a diabolical artificial intelligence bent on world domination."

"Was also kind of inspired by you."

"By me? How?"

"Before you tried to out think it, I kept looking for something to hit the dang thing with. I doubt that would have worked, though. Anyway, you talking to it made me wonder if there was another way to confuse it. I remember Mabel's song and thought, what the heck."

"You are amazing," said Dipper, smiling up at her.

She smiled back and said, "Thanks."

"Is the singing getting faster?"

"Yeah, it's way faster than when we were singing."

"Has it gotten warmer in here?"

"It's warmer," she said. "Still comfortable, though."

"I was afraid of that."

"Why?"

"The computer's trying to reach the end of the song as quickly as it can, but there's no end and it'll keep getting faster and it'll keep getting warmer and there's no way to know what's going to happen in here when it overheats."

"And the computer said that it is the room, so the whole room could go boom."

"Yeah."

"Great. Where's the knob on this metal door?"

"Start pushing buttons?" asked Dipper.

"Start pushing buttons!" said Wendy.

She could barely make out individual words of the song.

Wendy went high.  Dipper went low. She couldn't believe how many buttons there were. It was worse than one of those goofy sci-fi/horror movies they watched together on movie night. She always imagined the director saying, "We need to make this look more sciency. Add buttons!" The builders of this place seemed to decorate that way, too.

"Got it," said Dipper.

"Got what?"

The song had turned into a high pitch whine that made her eye twitch.

"A panel opened."

"And?"

"There's a handprint." He sighed and said, "A six fingered handprint. Dammit, Ford!"

"Put your hand on it anyway."

Soon the whine would be too much to handle.

Dipper slammed his hand on the panel. "Only five fingers!" he said.

"Don't worry about it," said Wendy as she slapped her hand on top of his, her pinky making up the sixth finger.

A bolt of energy shot through her body.

<<FLASH>>

Excitement-Fear-Hope

Show and tell. This is my birthmark. It's in the shape of the Big Dipper. That's why I'm called Dipper.

**what a weirdo** **it's like scabs on his head** **I don't ever wanna to sit next to him**

Sadness-Fear-Understanding

<<FLASH>>

Embarrassment-Disappointment-Fear

**geek** **mama's boy** **pussy** **baby**

He pushes me because he doesn't like me reading instead of playing at recess. My skinned knees sting. My sister hugs me and promises that I'll be okay. I am me she says and she loves me as I am.

Love-Pride-Comfort

<<FLASH>>

Pride-Joy-Happiness

First place in the science fair. Pinned the ribbon to my backpack. I worked hard to earn this.

**nerd** **dork** **what a loser** **is he actually proud of that thing** **now he's off to cry to his sister**

Guilt-Sadness-Dread

<<FLASH>>

Delight-Novelty-Joy

**laughter** **you're with us, your in** **nice use of thompson**

They laugh when I tell a joke. They treat me like I'm one of them. They let me be me. Her smile.

Acceptance-Delight-Joy

<<FLASH>>

Love-Fear-Hope

I watch myself come into the room. Myself, but not. Sunglasses, hat backward, bright shoes. He high fives her and doesn't miss. He is the me she wants.

Anger-Inadequacy-Disappointment

He wants her to have what she wants. He never disagrees. He will hurt her. I protect her. I defend her. I love her.

Hope-Love-Inadequacy

<<FLASH>>

Wendy found her self on her knees. Her flashlight had rolled though the opened door and shone on the walls of the mine. She felt extremely tired

She reached out and grabbed her flashlight. She turned toward Dipper and said, "I never would have..."

Dipper was on the floor, curled into a ball, and sobbing.

The whine had turned into a squeal and the air in the room was starting to get hot.

"Dipper, we have to go," she said, shaking him.

He looked at her and started to cry harder. His body quivered with each ragged breath. He wasn't going anywhere on his own.

She did her best to roll him over and scooped him up into her arms. She stood up and headed down the tunnel to the main tunnel. With Dipper in her arms, she turned the corner back toward the entrance. After a few feet she put her back against the wall and sunk down to sit on the floor, cradling Dipper in her arms as his sobs became lighter.

The memories, no, the feelings she'd experienced left her drained, mentally, physically, and emotionally. What was that? Why was that?

When Dipper stopped sobbing and his breathing became more regular, she set him down and he sat against the wall next to her. He wiped his eyes with the heel of his hands and his nose with the back of his arm.

"Wendy," he whispered. "Your mom... I had no idea."

Shit.

"Don't worry about it. I don't."

"But, Wendy, it hurts so much."

"Yeah, but it gets better."

"Really?"

She sighed then said, "No. It doesn't get better. You just get used to it. You learn to shove it off to the side and ignore it."

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," she said, putting her arm around him and pulling him close. "Thank you, but it's not your fault."

They sat in silence for a while.

Bobbing lights appeared down the tunnel. Voices echoed their way. Faster than Wendy liked, Mabel and Soos appear. She could have used an hour of quiet sitting. She couldn't imagine how much time Dipper would need. He was going to hurt for a while. Wendy smiled at them as they approached.

"There you are," said Mabel.

"We thought you'd be a lot farther up," said Soos. "You guys ready to explore?"

Wendy looked over at Dipper, he hadn't looked up at his sister and friend, then said, "Actually, Soos, I think we're done for the day."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm sure." She pushed herself up and said, "Can you help him up?"

"Sure," said Soos, sounding confused.

"What happened?" asked Mabel.

"We just wore ourselves out, is all."

With great thanks to Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop for giving me a song to annoy everyone with at all stages in my life and to Shel Silverstein for being both goofy and melancholy.