#like its not even if it was requited or unrequited just them as people and the fact that they connected once and then had to separate

[kevindavidday]

everytime i think of kevjean...the night we met by lord huron starts playing somewhere in the bg

[ellecdc]

I will bite (lol mating bite)

Remus with a best friend!reader who thinks her feelings for him are unrequited

his alpha presentation clicks in when she first presents as an omega - he immediately realizes they’re mates and is delighted, she doesn’t know he likes her and is freaking out that he’s going to feel trapped

🫣.......... okay twist my arm why don't you ;) jk - this theme/trope has been a bit of a brainworm/hyperfixation for me for a few weeks so thank you for indulging me, and sorry to my readers who this might not be their taste! but I definitely had fun with it so you may have to brace yourselves for more of it from me lol

Remus Lupin x best friend!reader who presents as an omega [3.5k words]

p1 // p2

CW: fem!reader, a/b/o dynamics and omegaverse, very soft a/b/o descriptions, SFW [nothing explicit or sexual in this fic], first a/b/o fic I've written so I'm truly just dipping my toes in lol, feelings of unrequited love [but its actually requited]

Loving Remus came as naturally as breathing to you; every inhale was the sweet smell of chocolate, warm sweaters, and worn books, and every exhale was a quiet whisper of “I love you” that you prayed to every deity he couldn’t hear.

Loving Remus was natural, but it was also harrowing; no one chooses to experience unrequited love, it’s simply one of those things that happens upon you. 

But no matter how painful the fact that your feelings weren’t reciprocated was, the wholehearted comfort that being around Remus brought you was almost worth the heartache. 

There was something in your soul that relaxed the second Remus was near; your entire being unclenched, knowing you were somehow safer, somehow more sound now that he was here.

And you hoped that, if nothing else, you provided the same for him. 

The two of you had been friends for years; becoming fast friends in first year over your shared love of muggle literature and the fact that the two of you were a touch more shy than your respective peers. 

The friendship never dimmed over time - if anything, it only became stronger with every passing year. No matter how mischievous his new friends were or how much trouble he got into with them around, no matter how many school yard crushes left either of you melancholy, no matter how many failed papers or late night study sessions that turned into heated spats because the two of you were far too overtired to handle anything maturely, and no matter how the moons came and went that effectively waxed and waned the Remus you knew in much the same way, the friendship had weathered it all.

It was one of your greatest possessions - this friendship you shared with Remus - and one of your proudest accomplishments.

And you weren’t going to let a silly crush (or, in your case, your gut-wrenching and undying devotion) ruin it. 

Which is how you found yourself walking up the steps to James and Lily’s flat for your surprise party, preparing yourself to be surprised because Sirius insisted they throw you one but Remus knew you hated surprises and had warned you about it prior to your arrival. 

You were admittedly not feeling up to a party - the telltale tickle in your throat warning you of an impending cold - though you were sure you wouldn’t have felt quite up to a party whether you were poorly or not. Parties were never quite your thing; you loved your friends, and you loved spending time with them, but that many of them in one place at one time and all for you felt a little bit like torture. 

But you knocked on the door which was flung open before your hand even made its second knock and there was a sea of people cheering “happy birthday!” but your eyes - of course - found Remus first, and suddenly, you didn’t think this was torture. Suddenly this was heaven. 

“Wha- you guys!” You started, smiling as James gave you a bone crushing hug, eyes never leaving Remus’. 

“Surprise!” Lily giggled as she elbowed James out of the way to give you her own hug. “Were you surprised?”

“What do you mean ‘were you surprised’? I still am!” You agreed quickly, embracing Sirius who was next in line.

“Moony told you, didn’t he?” He murmured quietly into your hair, causing you to snort. 

“Am I that bad an actor?” You asked him quietly, causing him to chuckle as he rubbed his hand up and down your back. 

“No,” He answered quickly, “but he is just that soft on you.” 

You hardly had a moment to consider what Sirius had said when Marlene was yanking you from his grasp to pepper your face in kisses as he shook his head over at his friend and started giving him shit for ruining the surprise. 

After greeting every guest in attendance, you finally made it to Remus who wasted no time in pulling you into his chest.

“Happy birthday, dove.” He murmured into your hair; and you had sort of wished that the only plan you had for the rest of the night was to stay within his warm embrace. 

“Sorry for getting you into trouble with Sirius.” You murmured back into his chest, delighting in the rumble of his laugh you elicited.

“Worth it; couldn’t handle you being miffed with me all night for not warning you.”

You - regretfully - pulled away to shoot him a bemused expression. “I could never spend an entire night miffed with you, Moons.” 

Remus hummed noncommittally as he scanned your face. “Any amount of time would have been too much for me- hey, are you feeling okay?” 

His face took on a concerned form that you found him too pretty to wear, and you suddenly felt bone-deep distress at having caused it.

“Why? I’m fine; do I not look fine?” You asked worriedly, bringing a hand up to your own face which was perhaps warm, but you weren’t feeling clammy. 

The corner of his mouth twitched, though the furrow between his brows was ever present. “You look perfect, as usual, just… are you feeling alright?” 

You let out a sigh, looking anywhere but his piercing gaze. “I think I’ve got a cold coming on, I’ll be alright though.” 

His mouth pinched worriedly as he ducked trying to get you to make eye contact with him. “We don’t have to stay long then, yeah?”

You snorted as you gave him an unimpressed look. “We don’t have to stay long at the party for me that was thrown in part by you?”

“Right.” He agreed readily.

“I’ll be fine, Rem.” You assured him, patting his hand placatingly. “It’s my party, I can sniffle if I want to.”

And though he didn’t seem particularly convinced, he let you go when Sirius and Marlene announced that it was time to dance. 

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

You were taking a breather in the small kitchen of James and Lily’s flat when you started to feel slightly worse.

The tickle in your throat had officially turned into an ache in your chest, and your head was pounding - be that from the music, the dancing, the drinks, or whatever flu you were coming down with, you couldn’t be certain. 

But you found yourself feeling better as you let your head fall back against the cool wall; your hair falling away from your neck and allowing the air circulating the room to hit your overly hot neck and chest.

Maybe you should try to leave early?

“I’ll check.” You heard Remus announce; your face breaking out into a grin on its own accord as he came around the corner.

“Y/N.” He breathed out. “Are you alright?” He asked, standing in front of you with that damned furrow in his brow again.

“I’m alright.” Now, was left unsaid, but something in the tilting of his head alerted you to the fact that he heard it anyway. 

“What’s gotten into you, hm?” He asked slowly; words stilted as his eyes darted across your face, mostly speaking to himself as he searched your form for answers. 

“Did you find her?” James called out, causing Remus’ neck to crane as he peered around the door frame; and that’s when it hit you.

Chocolate, warm sweaters, and worn books.

Remus.

His scent. 

Your head fell forward as you took a deeper breath, and the remnants of whatever cold you were catching dissipated.

And the whole evening clicked into place; the discomfort, his incessant worry and focus on you, you felt better for a moment because he was near - not because you took a moment to breathe, he could tell you were…

Oh god.

“Y/N.” He said again, alerting you to the fact that he was now standing rigidly still and staring at you imploringly. “What-”

“This can’t be happening…” You whispered, eyes glued to the point just under Remus’ jaw that was so disturbingly close yet somehow not nearly close enough. 

“Are- are you…” Remus started, his gaze settling somewhere near your shoulder as he leaned closer to you and took a deep breath through his nose.

As if you scalded him, he went flying backwards from your being - his back making contact with the fridge so violently that it sent magnets flying.

Fuck, fuck! Fuck, he was going to hate you, now, surely? He hated you.

He hated you because he wanted you, but he only wanted you because you were fucking presenting - why? Why now? Why today? Why to him?

He’s never wanted you before; and now he would only want you because he was - what was very clear now - an Alpha and you were, apparently, an Omega.

Fuck.

“Fuck.” You hissed as you pushed the heels of your palms into your eyes until you could see stars.

“Dove-”

“No!” You shouted, pulling your hands away to see him having frozen in reaching out to you, now lifting his hands as if fending off a wild animal.

“Fuck, I need air.” You blurted, and you took off out the front door. 

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The evening air did little to quell your nerves and nausea over the events of the night. 

To present, tonight out of all nights, in a tiny flat with nowhere to run without causing a scene.

Not to mention the precariousness of your relationship with Remus that you valued over everything was now hanging by a thread. 

“You couldn’t have found us a more comfortable place to sit, gorgeous?” You heard Sirius drawl as he (loudly) took a seat on the curb beside you.

“I’m terribly sorry to have inconvenienced you so, Sirius.” You responded dryly. 

“You ought to be.” He continued. “This is not how I wanted to spend your birthday party.”

“Oh, fuck off.” You scoffed, elbowing him in the side causing him to sway as if you’d put any real force behind it. 

“If you fuck on, you get better results.”

You snorted. “Yeah, and if you fuck around you’ll find out.”

“Mmm, saucy, I like where this is going.”

“Padfoot.” You begged miserably, and he let out a relenting sigh before he pulled you roughly into his side, leaving his arm draped over you as you laid your head on his shoulder. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m sitting on a curb outside.” You answered, earning you a pinch in the side.

“I can see that; I mean, what are you doing out here by yourself? Why aren’t you inside with your man?”

“Stop it, Sirius.” You spat, hastily sitting up and wiping angrily at your face.

“Merlin, you both really are that thick, aren’t you?” He muttered, searching your face like it would somehow answer his question.

“If you’re out here to make fun of me, you can go back inside. I’m humiliated enough.”

Sirius shook his head sadly. “I don’t understand why the two of you are making this harder than it needs to be; you’re both clearly mad for each other, you’re out here feeling sorry for yourself because you think he doesn’t want you, he’s in there feeling sorry for himself because he doesn’t think you want him.”

“He doesn’t want me, Sirius. We’ve always only been friends.”

“But you want him?” He asked then, causing you to put your head in your hands.

“Sirius, please, don’t-”

“Do you want him?” He asked again, more forceful this time. “Simple question, Y/N, yes or no.”

“Yes!” You let out with a sob. “Yes! I’ve always wanted him! I’ve- fuck, I’ve been mad about him for years and… yes. Yes, I want him.” The end of your sentence trailing off as you picked angrily at your nail beds.

Sirius seemed to steal himself for a moment, nodding his head as he sucked in a breath.

“I started calling him Moony before I ever knew of his lycanthropy.” He admitted then; and though you weren’t looking in his direction, you could feel his gaze burning a hole in the side of your head. 

Sirius let that sit in the air before he got up and stood in front of you, forcing you to look up at him. 

“I called him that because of the way he was always mooning after you.”

“Then why’d he freak? Why’d he rip away from me like that?” You asked - voice disturbingly small as you looked up at one of your oldest friends.

“Why’d you run?”

You let out a sigh and looked at the streetlights across the street instead of admitting “because I’m a coward”. 

“I can’t lose him, Pads. I-” Stopping as a painful shiver shook your frame - the cold taking over again now that you had some distance from your…

From Remus.

But Sirius didn’t rush you, he just continued standing in front of you as you struggled to find the words. 

“I can’t lose him.” You settled on. 

“Then don’t.” He said, toeing your shoe with his. 

“It’s not that simple.” You argued.

“It can be.” A voice sounded from behind you but a moment before you smelled him. 

And though the rational part of your brain wanted to brace yourself, the rest of your body immediately softened in his presence. 

“Well I’m going to go back in and enjoy the kick ass party I threw, so, if the two of you don’t mind…” Sirius said haughtily, shooting you a wink so that you knew it was all in jest and clapping Remus on the back before disappearing back into the building. 

You listened as Remus lowered himself onto the curb beside you; guilt flooding through you at the way his joints cracked audibly and at the fact that he seemed to be leaving quite a bit of distance between the two of you that he wouldn’t have even just a few hours ago. 

“Are you okay?” He started, and you fought the urge to scoff.

No, you thought petulantly, not only do I feel like shit, I’m also at risk of losing the thing that means the most to me.

“I’m fine.” You responded shortly, fixated on the skin surrounding your fingernails as you refused to look in his direction. “You alright?”

“No.” Remus answered quickly, and you did look up at that.

He was staring at you imploringly, his brows furrowed both with sympathy and perhaps a little bit of frustration. 

“Why’d you run?” He asked then.

“I-” you started, though you weren’t exactly sure anymore. “You…you seemed so startled, I… I thought you were upset.”

He seemed to pause as he considered your response; this sort of caution not usual for the two of you this far into your friendship. 

“I had just found out that the girl of my dreams was an Omega, and when she was clearly distraught, I was caught leaning in to get a better sniff.” He deadpanned, shaking his head at himself as he looked out across the street. “I startled because I was certain I was going to startle you.”

“I- you’re not? Startled, that is.”

His brows furrowed slightly as he shook his head, turning back to look at you. “Why would I be?”

“But…we’ve never been…more than friends; I didn’t want that to change now, just because you felt it had to.”

“It doesn’t have to.” He responded simply, and for reasons you weren’t willing to think on right now, that sentiment caused something very unpleasant to churn in your gut. 

“Nothing would have to change; you could still be you and I could just be me, and that would be fine. Is that what you want?” 

He held your gaze defiantly as you gaped at him. “I- but,”

“Is that what you want, dove?” He asked again, a slight force in his tone this time as he turned his body towards yours and his eyes flit down to your lips. “Because it is taking everything in my power not to claim you as my own right here, right now. I have wanted this for so long; so I ask you again, is that what you want? For nothing to change?”

“No.” You blurted quickly. 

“No?”

“No.” You whispered, shaking your head as you turned your body to face him too. “No, no. I want you, I need you-”

“Now? You want and need me now, or-”

“Fuck, I’ve wanted you since fourth year, Remus. Since I figured out why I hated Emmeline Vance so much.” You practically sobbed.

“Why?” He asked softly, looking like his lip wanted to tip up into a smile though he was dutiful of your current upset. “Because she fancied me?”

“Because you fancied her.” You corrected miserably. Remus finally brought his hand up to cup your cheek at that, and you hardly had a moment to feel embarrassed at the way you quickly turned your head into his wrist so you could get a better smell of him.

“My poor, sweet girl.” He cooed softly, a sympathetic sound emanating from the back of his throat at the sound that his phrase elicited from you. “I’m so sorry.”

“Please.” You whispered, no longer trying to withhold the desperation from your voice as you kept your nose pressed to the inside of his wrist and your eyes screwed shut.

“Okay.” He whispered back, even though he had no idea what you were begging him for - you supposed it didn’t matter; he didn’t seem particularly inclined to deny you anything you wanted right now. 

“Rem-”

“I know.”

“Please.”

“I’m right here, dove.” He whispered, pulling you towards him by your hand as you followed all too willingly. “I’m right here.” He whispered again, nose brushing yours before you closed the distance between the two of you.

The sound of the traffic faded away, as did the tarmac beneath you and the air around you; you seemed to be floating in a vast expanse that contained nothing but you and Remus.

You took a moment to mentally kick yourself as you deepened the kiss - nipping at his lower lip and causing him to smile before granting you access - that you could have been, should have been, doing this for years. 

“Ugh, fuck.” Remus muttered as he broke the kiss and rested his head against yours, seeming truly distraught at having to interrupt.

You didn’t even have a chance to ask what was wrong before you heard cheering from above you.

“Fucking finally!” James shouted as he pulled the tab of a party popper, showering the street below his balcony with multicoloured  confetti. 

“Pay up bitches; I told you this was the year.” Lily continued, holding her hand out expectantly as Marlene begrudgingly placed a few galleons into her friend's hand. 

“Oi!” Remus shouted at the group, a protective arm snaking around your middle as he held you closer to him as if he was worried you’d simply float away, “You better pay Pads his fair share then!”

You snorted and shoved your face into Remus’ neck - hiding your face as a ploy to get closer to him without it being nearly close enough. 

Remus chuckled as your friends filed back into the apartment and the world returned to its normal volume, bringing his free hand up to knead at your scalp in a way that made you want to purr like a sodding cat. 

“Fuck.” He breathed out, looking down at you with an expression nothing short of worship.

“You okay?” You asked then, bringing one hand up to draw a line down the bridge of his nose, simply because you could now.

“I’m perfect, you’re perfect.” Remus pressed, punctuating the sentiment with a kiss before he pressed his nose against the spot on your neck just past your jaw.

You instinctually let your head fall back; his hand tightening in your hair as he let out a sound halfway between a laugh and growl.

“Don’t sodding do that.” He scolded you playfully. 

“What?” You asked - half innocently half abashedly. 

“Submit to me, you minx.” He explained, booping you on the nose for extra effect. “Let me at least take you out on a date, first.”

A date, you echoed in your head; you had spent a lot of time daydreaming as a girl about what your first date with Remus would look like. You’d always imagined spending the day in Hogsmeade buying sweets and gobstones and books and quills before heading back up to the castle.

This was turning out way better already, though.

“So long as I don’t have to share you with James.” You joked, peering over Remus’ shoulder where you could see James peeking through the curtains before a flash of a camera went off.

“Hm…I’m not sure I can promise that for the first date, but definitely for the second.” 

“Deal.” You agreed readily, because really, you’d have Remus just about anyway you could have him. 

And you were simply overjoyed to know that he apparently felt the same.

[isitisitearlymichael]

I think there’s a mentality in the Stranger Things fandom, or certainly outside of Byler spaces, that Byler is just another m/m ship.

What do I mean by “just another” m/m ship?

We all know there’s a long history of shipping male characters together when the show they were in clearly had no intentional romantic subplot.

M/m shipping has existed since the days of Star Trek - and it’s existed for many different reasons. But over time, it’s developed a bad reputation because fans of those ships were reading into things way too much and had so much hope that something might happen to those characters, only for them to end up incredibly upset and frustrated by the end.

There has also been a lot of accusations of fetishisation.

Some of this is also because especially in the early 2000s/ 2010s, these shows used to play on those hopes and have a lot of fun exploring “bromances”, where the writing would be intentionally stirring the pot, but not crossing the line enough for there to be any real plan to take things further.

What’s really important here is that Byler are NOT that kind of ship.

There would never be this much animosity if Will was Mike’s female best friend from childhood.

Yes, there would be a Byler vs. Milkvan war. That would never change - but the excuses as to why Byler have no possible chance of being together would be entirely different. Because yes, their arguments can currently include that Mike’s in a long term relationship, or that the 1980s environment would make it difficult for them to be together, but that’s about as realistic as the arguments have been.

Compare the circumstances to other canonical unrequited love stories

Take away all of the analysis about why Mike might be gay or Bi or even interested in Will in the first place, and just look at the plot in its bare bones state.

Will is canonically in love with Will, and Mike is canonically unaware of this and in a relationship with El.

There are SO MANY examples of this sort of love triangle in fiction, and most importantly there are more scenarios than there aren’t of this love becoming requited. It’s so normal for an audience to see a scenario like this and wonder if this is going to be one of those stories.

What’s happening instead is a lot of heteronormativity.

And that’s either down to the environment that Stranger Things fans find themselves in (people still live very unexposed lives) or they are just generally ignorant about anything that isn’t really in their face or what they want to see.

So there’s a heck of a lot of fans who didn’t even recognise that Will is gay, or just disregarded their assumptions and played up the “slow to grow up” narrative because they were more comfortable with that kind of story, or could relate to it more.

And so from their point of view, because they didn’t see anything, it couldn’t possibly exist. Bylers were seeing things and making them up. Now, after the Duffers and Noah confirmed things, they’re finding a lot of comfort in instead taking some of this fandoms bigger reaches (don’t mean to offend here, sorry) and using them as ammunition instead, e.g. Finn glancing at Noah’s lips for a millisecond during a take.

But the main point I’m getting at is that people who are dismissing Byler are not recognising that this is a traditional love triangle premise.

Now compare the canonical story to previous m/m ships

So because there are some similar activities happening in this fandom to what has been seen in those previous famous m/m ship fandoms, many Stranger Things fans are dismissing Byler as an imagined ship.

But how many of those old ships were able to boast about actual confirmed feelings, albeit one sided, with time left to explore things further?

There is absolutely no reason why the Byler ship resembles any of those “bromances” or queer baiting storylines in previous franchises and fiction.

This isn’t me saying that Byler will 100% become a couple

What I’m saying is that if nothing happens between them in season 5, that doesn’t undo the fact that Byler are a legitimate ship. It doesn’t undo the fact that Will’s feelings for Mike are canonical and that their storyline follows the premise of a traditional love triangle story.

There are people out there who are already trying to make Bylers feel stupid or ashamed for even exploring the potential of the ship, and all they’re doing is showing us how incredibly ignorant they are.

But that’s not to say that lessons can’t be learned from those previous m/m ship disasters

The one thing you should take from them is that people did get really attached, and so being let down by the show really hurt. It’s fine to speculate about Byler, but please don’t set your heart on them and let it break.

If we start to get legit info or confirmation that the ship won’t be requited, please don’t let yourself fall down the rabbit hole of conspiracy and set yourself up for disappointment.

But we have no legitimate reason to rule out Byler right now

The set up is there, the filming looks positive and the Duffers haven’t said anything to dispute the ship’s potential. Speculation is more than allowed - it’s normal and an inevitable result of season 4. So let’s have as much fun as we can and know that we’re doing nothing “deluded” or wrong.

[cannoliparty]

i love katnep! its rlly sweet and karkat & nepetas dynamic is just cute bcuz shes like the only troll who outwardly appreciates him and takes him seriously, atleast when she was alive.. but i wanted to talk about how katnep could have been so great :( theres so much symbolism in their relationship and they could have been so much more if hussie didnt need to make a point by killing nepeta off.

to start, i wanted to give a brief explanation on nepetas classpect because then her own role in the pair makes more sense. shes a rogue, a passive class. but the rogue's passive behavior is stealing parts of their aspect and giving it to others, like a robin hood. so a fully realized rogue of heart would be able to steal things like positive emotions or feelings from an enemy and give it to their team! it makes sense why nepeta is obsessed with pairing, but in more of a selfless sense. shes outwardly indulging in pairing her friends, but when it comes to pairing herself with karkat shes at a loss to things like confessing or being more presenting about it. if a rogue only steals their aspect for others, how could they steal it for themselves?? nepetas only able to give the heart aspect/outward personal confessions for/to others and not herself.

karkat is a knight of blood. one whos meant to weaponize blood and attack/defend others with it. even if karkat has a spiky personality, hes very compassionate and willing to listen to others because he naturally wants to strengthen/defend his relationships. he just doesn't know how to give these relationships worth while tied to him, or how to express them outwardly!

basically, karkat would help nepeta be more open about her own feelings, and nepeta would help karkat be more open about his, both in their own ways. they'd help eachother be more expressive while also being very caring themselves, and its a shame the pairings one-sided in the comic!

speaking of the one-sided part, that links to their ancestors! the signless was a seer of blood, envisioning all that had to do with blood, bonds, and troll society itself. the disciple knew all there was to the heart and feelings, being very connected to them. both of these aspects were very personal and both dancestors had passive classes.

the disciple was more of a personal companion, the signless' closest, and the signless preached to the masses, even in secret, through his visions of troll blood unification. the comic states their relationship transcended the quadrants themselves, and when the signless was brutally executed, the disciple lived in caves for years/decades on end, recording all the words the signless spoke from her own memory. ive seen people compare their relationship to a sort of jesus/judas dynamic, which is pretty fitting, and makes sense in terms of all the religious symbolism in homestuck already.

i feel like the disciple's love was so strong it passed onto her descendant, nepeta, who fell for karkat. but because the beta trolls' story is supposed to act out as sort of an opposite to the dancestors', that means katnep is the unrequited version of disciples/signless' requited love.

even if katnep didnt work, its own concept is beautiful and i think theyre really awesome!! ^_^

[aemiron-main]

cannot believe that some people think that barb was straight and did not have a crush on nancy. did we both watch the same scene of “yellow ribbon” playing between them in the car. a song about someone who isn’t sure if their love is requited/is afraid of being rejected and is too afraid to look/see for themselves if it so they ask somebody else to? aka being afraid of rejection especially being queer??  also having thoughts about how yellow ribbons have been used as a symbol for suicide awareness AND as the original symbol of the aids crisis before the red ribbon was used in 1991 + how there’s definite ties to vecna preying on suicidal people but also a narrative tie to vecna and peoples’ disappearances as a representation of suicide when the supernatural elements are removed from the story.

and how barb felt rejected that night (just like the song, she was afraid of rejection) and how its only the first half of the song that we hear, NOT the half that talks about how the singer ISNT rejected. because barb IS rejected.  and the last line of the song (which we don’t hear in the show) is “i’m coming home” + the singer is ONLY coming home BECAUSE his love is requited, otherwise he says that he’d stay on the bus and not go home-> nancy tells barb to go home but she never does, because she dies. just like how we never hear that “i’m coming home” lyric of the song because barb is rejected and therefore, like what the singer said, she’s not going home. (going home = not rejected)  this also has implications for byler! in s2, mike tells will that he’s going to take him home, and he DOES, but he takes him to HIS house. will DOES make it ‘home’ in that scene, unlike barb, but he also technically makes it home during his disappearance, even though he vanishes after (and even if the whole house was a vecna vision and not the real house, visually, there’s still showing him going home).  and so if going home = not rejected/requited love, then byler is requited.  barb didn’t make it home, despite nancy telling her to go home. barb died in the upside-down. barb’s love was unrequited.  will made it home. will did not die in the upside-down. will’s love is requited.  like barb absolutely had feelings for nancy (and imo is definitely a lesbian) and yet i see so many people esp on twt denying it and saying that she’s just straight and jealous of nancy being with steve and that barb was in the wrong. when will the ga realize that queerness has been rooted in this show since the beginning and isn’t just something they can ignore when it suits them?? 

[fabaceous]

do you think jackieshauna could've gotten together eventually if the plane didn't crash/if jackie hadn't died or were they doomed from the start?

hi anon i know this took a while (sorry) but it's because this is one of my favorite cans of worms to open and i had a lot to say. so thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about it ;)

my answer, depending on the day and my mood, ranges from NO to YES, BUT to NO, BUT.

NO, because i think that even on a pure friendship level they are doomed. their flaws were like, designed in a lab (or a writer's room lol) to tear them apart. jackie is insecure and holds on too tightly to shauna. shauna quietly resents jackie for it and fucks around behind her back. as long as they have these traits, their relationship is a ticking time bomb. they will never make it within ten miles of a romantic relationship because even their friendship is doomed.

NO, because even if their friendship doesn't implode, they are both simply too damn repressed to ever make a move. im not even saying this as a cop-out, like, i truly believe in my heart and soul that they both have latent romantic feelings for each other but they tie themselves in all sorts of pretzels to avoid it and i'll go even further and say they are both REALLY FUCKING GOOD AT IT. like more so than most people. given my own experiences denying my (in hindsight incredibly obvious) feelings for girls (and i SUCK at repressing things) i have no doubt at all that they could go the rest of their lives convincing themselves that some girlfriendships are Just Like That. the human mind is a very powerful thing and the human mind on comphet and repression? nearly unstoppable. and even if they dont have some world-shattering blowout, and their friendship just sort of fizzles out for some nebulous and ambiguous (read: gay yearning related) reason, years later they'll still be looking back at their relationship saying Huh. Wasnt That Weird...Well...Nevertheless...I'm Sure It Was Nothing To Worry About...

like, okay, im gonna spend a little more time with this one because i think their repression is so key to their dynamic. jackie is obviously unable to face any aspect of herself that is even remotely imperfect. gay feelings for shauna would definitely fall into that category given what i assume she has internalized from her parents and her peers and it being the 1990s. shauna, while more willing to accept her dark side, cant bear the thought of wanting jackie like that. its the one bridge she cant cross. she'll literally fuck jeff. fucking JEFF!!! before she lets herself act on desire for jackie (at least not in a straightforward/normal way lol)

i think both of them on some level must feel that they have a desire for each other, or else they wouldn't be so desperate to avoid it. but they are SO desperate to avoid it, and i don't really have anything to back this up other than my gut feeling but i just can't imagine them ever overcoming their respective hurdles of repression, and definitely not under normal high-school circumstances. MAYBE in the wilderness they would've had a chance IF THINGS HAD GONE VERY DIFFERENTLY because they would be free from societal expectations or whatever, and maybe a life or death situation could've given them enough of a shock that they'd finally own up to their feelings. but EVEN THEN, personally, i think it's still questionable. i think this is just so deeply rooted that it would be anywhere from incredibly difficult to impossible for both of them to get past it. (it's no good if only one of them overcomes the repression, btw. then you just have unrequited pining (but secretly actually requited but the other person won't admit that they're requiting it so it's effectively unrequited which would be perhaps even worse and more painful. btw. if you even care))

now on to the other options...

YES, BUT, even if by some miracle they were able to get past their repression and date each other, i guarantee you all their toxic habits would be not only repeated but MAGNIFIED by being in a romantic relationship. like, ok, the good news is, they would finally be free to be openly obsessed with each other lol. but... imagine jackie gets EVEN MORE insecure about shauna leaving her because now she actually feels like she has a legit claim on shauna being "hers". before, her possessiveness (for lack of a more nuanced term) was tempered by the fact that they are just friends, and shauna should theoretically be allowed to have other friends, even if jackie doesn't like it. but shauna should NOT be having other girlfriends. so jackie would likely be reaching new levels of terrified of shauna leaving her. shauna would still be unable to address conflict directly. rinse and repeat this whooooole vicious cycle until it blows up in their faces like laura le--[gunshot]

finally, NO, BUT, and this one may be controversial & a bit more far fetched than the others, but i do think that under the right circumstances they could kiss or even fuck without it compromising their repression. i actually even think they could have a sort of sneaky situationship while still repressing their bigscaryfeelings for each other. HEAR ME OUT. they are both very careful about compartmentalizing their desire for each other and keeping it hidden FROM THEMSELVES. they often fail and it boils over despite their best efforts, but the more important thing is that they think they're succeeding at keeping their desire from breaching containment. and as long as they have that plausible deniability where they are hiding it from themselves, even if they don't manage to hide it from the rest of us (or even each other), i dont think its impossible for them to act on the desire, like, on pure instinct, but without actually intellectually or emotionally acknowledging the larger implications that that brings. and even if the desire breaches containment, they could still find a way to write it off as just desire in general and not desire for each other specifically. especially when they also still have the excuse of being horny teenagers with no impulse control, they could easily brush it off as, oh, we were just drunk, we were just experimenting. or even, oh, it was just shauna, it's not like i actually LIKE-like her, i just made out with her, but its shauna, so it obviously doesnt mean anything.

and i think they could even do this consistently for weeks months MAYBE up to a year or so, while deluding themselves into thinking this is somehow normal or not a big deal. because they have already proven they are masters of doublethink and repression, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten this far lol. but it would 100% also blow up in their faces. the question is, who would crack first? who would want something real? or who would walk away because it got too real? theres sooo much to ponder with this particular scenario and it's all very juicy and compelling (and GOD would i love to see it unfold with my own two eyeballs, can bart and ashley please write and film an AU of their own tv show?!) but i dont think it would ever lead them anywhere good or healthy.

so long story short (lol. conciseness has never been my strong suit as is probably abundantly clear by now) i personally do not think there is any possibility of a satisfying happy-ending scenario for these two. and i personally am perfectly okay with that because so much about them would have to change in order for them to get a happy ending that at that point, they would no longer be the jackie and shauna that i know and love.

[sixzeroes]

walk with you.

summary | lee jeno has had you as his best friend for as long as he can remember. every step of the way, you were there, stuck to his side like glue. jeno always believed you’d be his best friend forever, so why is he starting to view you in a different, non-platonic light?

characters | lee jeno x reader(f).

genres | fluff, romance, slice of life, best-friends-to-lovers, childhood friends au, high school au, non-idol au.

warnings | profanity, johnny is jeno’s cousin, johnny is all-knowing and wise, mentions of alcohol consumption, jeno decides to avoid reader :((, unrequited feelings (but they’re actually requited and jeno’s just dumb), kissing at the end!!

word count | 5.6k

37.5MHz | walk with you by nct dream ⋆ beautiful by baekhyun ⋆ tiki-taka by crush ft. dpr live.

gonna be brutally honest idek what tf i was writing half the time so i rly hope the flow of this made sense!! 🥹🥹 but like f2l is lowkey difficult to write i’m never gonna do that again,, ep.02 of my candy! miniseries, but it can be read on its own!

“HEY SIRI, HOW DO I KNOW IF I LIKE SOMEONE?”

“Here’s what I found.”

5 Ways to Tell If You Like Someone

Here Are Seven Methods to Figure Out Your Feelings!

Take This Buzzfeed Quiz to See If You Like Them

Lee Jeno, a simple high school boy, clicks on the first link. The website opens immediately and the title stares at him in a fancy font. He scrolls, skipping the summary to get to the important part. 

1. Does your heartbeat accelerate around them?

Jeno thinks back to a few hours ago, when he was walking you home after school. His heartbeat was a little off, speeding up whenever you flashed him a smile. 

2. Do you think about them often?

Jeno ponders. He’s always thinking about you—you’re his best friend, after all. But does he think about you often in the romantic context? Hm, he’s not too sure. 

3. Do you miss them when you’re not together?

Jeno nibbles on his lower lip. There have been many instances where he wished he didn’t move away and just had to walk up two flights of stairs to where you lived. 

4. Do they make you feel good?

Jeno tilts his head. What does that mean? You definitely make him happy and bring joy to his everyday life, but does that qualify as ‘feel good’? 

“Jeno! Come have dinner!”

The boy sighs, tossing his phone onto his bed. He scratches his head as he exits his bedroom, reevaluating his feelings based on the questions he just read. Jeno is eighty-seven percent sure the questions perfectly describe his situation when he’s around you. The remaining thirteen percent? He’s just misreading his own platonic feelings. 

No, Jeno doubts he’s misreading anything. He’s just…unsure, considering this is the first time he’s ever liked a friend, much less his best friend of all people. He’s unsure if these feelings are even permissible. Can he like his best friend? Is that okay? Jeno’s seen plenty of friends-to-lovers in K-Dramas, and there’s always this hesitance in ‘ruining’ their friendship. What if the things Jeno feels will ultimately cause a rift between you and him? What will he do then? Die? He probably would, because Jeno finds it impossible to picture a future without you. (Some may say this is pure friendship. Donghyuck, the number one Jeno and Y/N shipper, says otherwise.) 

This is a tough equation—it’s one of those questions where he’s solved a majority of the maths but needs some guidance on narrowing down the final answer to either three decimal places or two. Jeno is the struggling student, and his teacher?

“Bro, what’s taking you so long?”

Of course, who else other than Johnny Suh, his cousin and self-proclaimed ladies’ man from America? 

Jeno shuffles out of his room, meeting Johnny in the hallway. “Can I ask you a question?”

The older man cocks a brow, lips shifting into an amused smile. “Shoot away.” 

“Later, after dinner. Let’s go out for ice cream.” 

“In this cold weather?”

“Or soju, if you’re okay with drinking alone.” 

Johnny Suh’s character is full of surprises, to say the least. To begin, the Korean-American had bought two bottles of champagne back at the airport in Chicago as ‘housewarming gifts’ (“Wait, Jeno isn’t legal? That’s okay, I first drank when I was sixteen.”). Next, he went missing for a week straight (busy spending his nights at Gangnam and Itaewon), only remembering to send an i’m okay! be home this weekend :) text after Jeno’s mother threatened to report him missing. Then, he returned to Jeno’s place with a bunch of snacks from the nearby GS25, offering it as an apology for sending the household into chaos for the past week. Lastly, Johnny introduced a new outlook in Jeno’s life. 

Or, well, he’s about to, considering his position in Jeno’s makeshift maths class scenario. 

Johnny takes a swig of soju, releasing a satisfied hum after gulping the contents down. In contrast, Jeno nibbles on his ice cream bar, a little nervous to pop the question. He debates on how to word it but eventually gives up, deciding it’s better to be straightforward than to beat around the bush. “Is it…okay to like a friend?” 

There’s a moment of silence. Jeno realises how ridiculous his question is. Johnny swirls his soju bottle. “Do you like someone, Jeno?” 

“I—What—You can’t answer my question with a question!” 

“Oh, I see,” says Johnny, a playful glint in his eyes. “This is about that friend of yours, right? That girl you’re always walking home even though she lives like thirty minutes away? What was her name again? Yonam? Yerna? Ah—Y/N?” 

Jeno’s eyes widen and his cheeks grow red. “No! She’s just a friend. We’re just…friends.” 

“Sure, sure,” goes Johnny, dismissing Jeno’s weak claims with a fling of his wrist. “Let me tell you something, Jeno. Girls and guys? We can never be ‘just friends.’ It doesn’t work like that, you know.” 

“But…” the younger falters. “Don’t you have a lot of friends that are girls, Johnny? I’ve seen your Instagram stories.” 

Johnny sips his drink. “That’s different. We’re different. You, my good boy, are a high school kiddo with raging hormones. I am willing to bet my entire life that you like Yona.”

“Y/N,” Jeno corrects him. “How can I be sure that I like her?” 

“You can’t, unless you face her with those feelings.” the Korean-American turns to him with a stern face. He presses a finger against Jeno’s chest. “You can hide your feelings from your crush but don’t hide them from yourself. Bask in the fact that you like her while sitting in her presence. Observe yourself. Think about the situation. Are you sure you like her, yes or no?” Johnny finishes the rest of his soju. “Your answer doesn’t lie with me, Jeno. It’s within you.” 

Jeno’s heart skips at Johnny’s words, overwhelmed with inspiration. “You’re…pretty poetic, Johnny.” 

The latter smugly smiles. “My roommate’s a literature major. He’s kinda rubbing off on me.” 

The rest of the evening passes by in a blur, with Johnny drinking four more bottles of alcohol inside the brightly lit convenience store. Jeno drags his feet back to the family apartment with Johnny in tow, the older man’s weight significantly slowing him down. When he arrives, his mother forcefully wakes the Korean-American up and scolds him for drinking so much on a weekday. In response, Johnny hugs her with an intoxicated laugh and falls asleep on the couch. During the entire ordeal, all Jeno can think of are Johnny’s wise words. 

It’s within you.

Johnny’s right. In Jeno’s makeshift maths class scenario, the student is Jeno, but so is the teacher. He is the key to the equation he’s struggling to solve. 

Tomorrow. When Jeno sees you tomorrow, he’s going to face his feelings and categorise it accordingly. 

Wednesday mornings have never been this frightening. 

In fact, Jeno has never feared anything as much as facing his feelings while you’re sitting right beside him during the regular route to school. Not much has changed since Tuesday morning: he got on the same subway at the same station with (relatively) the same people for another similar day. Except, he’s ninety-nine percent sure he likes you. 

Okay, so maybe a bit has changed since Tuesday morning: he got on the same subway at the same station with (relatively) the same people for another similar day but with newfound emotions. 

Johnny told him to ‘bask in his feelings’ and ‘observe himself.’ 

Jeno is doing everything but that. 

He’s a nervous wreck, to sum it up. Every time the subway slows to a stop and your shoulder brushes against his, he feels as if his heart is going to swallow him whole. Whenever you bring up a meme, he absentmindedly laughs as three-fourths of his focus is poured into acting normal. There is little to no eye contact; obviously, Jeno finds the advertisements far more interesting than your pretty face. 

Or maybe, he is basking in his feelings and observing himself. The realisation hits him as an elderly woman sits in the empty seat across from him. Jeno is anxious around you. He’s conscious of the way he acts, smells, talks, walks—whatever. You’ve known him his entire life and have seen him at his worst (i.e., his emo middle school era), and yet, Jeno finds the mere idea of you seeing his bedhead horrifying. Such self-awareness is a blessing and a curse. 

“Jeno?” you chirp, poking the boy’s side. He reacts with a hum. “You’re awfully quiet today.” 

He gulps, trying his best to maintain a cool facade. “I’m just tired,” he answers with a tight voice. “Stayed up late tending to my drunk cousin.” It’s not a complete lie—Johnny was intoxicated last night. 

You brush a stray strand of hair out of his face. “Johnny? He’s your American cousin, right?”

Jeno tries to stay calm at your gesture but his ears are heating up. “Mhm. He’s…wild.” 

The conversation dies down immediately. Jeno is jittery, his leg bouncing up and down, eyes darting from one passenger to another. He’s too preoccupied to notice your concerned gaze; too busy presenting himself as normal as possible without realising how abnormal he truly appears. 

For the remaining minutes, you don’t say anything, choosing to scroll through your social media feed instead. During the short walk to school, again, no words leave your mouth. Jeno glimpses your quiet figure. Silence is strange on you, but he doesn’t try to tug a sound out of you. 

This is the first time the two of you have ever been enveloped in such a sheer layer of awkwardness. Never has there been an instance where it was suffocating to be in the other’s presence—never, until Jeno’s heart decided to think on its own and develop feelings for you. 

There. 

He’s said it. 

Lee Jeno likes you, one hundred percent confirmed during the subway ride to school. 

One foot has been in the puddle for the past few weeks, testing the depth below the surface. He tested, and tested, and tested, until he slipped inside, drenching himself in the water. 

Jeno wasn’t sure of his feelings. At one point, he figured this more-than-platonic affection for you was just a hoax (don’t ask him why, he doesn’t know either). All he did was sit next to you, just like any other day, with slightly different feelings. And all of a sudden, he fell, and oh, did he fall hard. 

He’s drowning even though the puddle wasn’t that deep. 

Or maybe, it’s always been that deep. Jeno just failed to realise it before. 

“Jeno. You’re scaring Jisu with that glare of yours.” 

Huang Renjun is standing diagonal to Jeno’s desk with a small carton of banana milk in his hand. The said boy glances over at his classmate, Choi Jisu, who’s clearly intimidated from his hardened stare. He loosens his expression instantly, averting his gaze back to his friend. “What time is it?” 

“Eleven,” says Lee Donghyuck, popping out from behind Renjun. “What’s up with you today? You’ve been staring off into space for the entire morning.” 

Na Jaemin, sitting beside him, nods in agreement. “Yeah. Are you sick or something?” 

Renjun snorts. “He’s probably lovesick as always.”

Normally, when any of the three boys joke about you and Jeno’s friendship like that, Jeno would always grow defensive and borderline shout, “She’s just a friend!” But today, he sits with his lips pursed, unable to refute the claim. Renjun, Donghyuck, and Jaemin simultaneously drop their jaws. 

“No way,” whispers Donghyuck, his eyes wide. “No fucking way.”

“Jeno, you…” Renjun trails off in shock. 

Jaemin slaps his shoulder. “You actually like Y/N?”

If a tomato were a person, it would be Jeno. His ears burn and he avoids looking any of them in the eyes, choosing to bury his red face into his arms. He can hear the boys cheering, creating chaos over his recently established feelings. Someone—probably Donghyuck—pats his head, proud of his accomplishment. 

“When did you realise?” Donghyuck asks, prodding Jeno’s ear. “You were always so disgusted whenever we called you two lovebirds. Why the sudden change of heart?” 

Jeno shrugs, still facing the surface of his desk. “It just happened.”

Renjun finishes his banana milk. “You asked Siri, didn’t you?”

The lovestruck boy whips his head up, bewildered at the correct statement. “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.” 

A groan tumbles from Jeno’s lips as he shrinks into his seat. “I’m so screwed. How am I supposed to face Y/N now? I can’t let her know about my feelings. It’ll ruin our friendship.”

“Why do you think that?” Donghyuck says with a sly tone. He observes Jeno’s actions with a playful glint in his eyes. “You never know, she might like you back.”

Renjun chuckles at the not-so-subtle hint while Jaemin simply nods again. 

Jeno frowns, sceptically eyeing each of them. “She doesn’t. She recently broke up with Soobin from Class 3-4, so there’s no way she’d develop feelings for me in the span of a month.” 

“To be fair,” goes Renjun, “Y/N and Soobin only dated for two weeks. That’s nothing compared to the years you’ve spent together.” 

“I agree,” hums Donghyuck, now fiddling with his pencil. “Who cares if her ex-boyfriend is a good-looking guy? You’re okay-looking, so I think you have a shot.”

Jeno rolls his eyes at Donghyuck’s impish grin. “Thanks, Hyuck. You light up my world.” 

Jaemin taps the pads of his fingers against his chair. “Why don’t you distance yourself for a bit? Organise your thoughts on whether you’d like to attempt at something or just fold your feelings away.”

The bell rings, indicating the next period’s start. Renjun and Donghyuck retreat back to their seats and Jaemin pulls out an English novel. Ms. Son walks in with a cheerful smile, happily greeting the class to which the students respond. She begins by announcing an upcoming English story competition for anyone who may be interested, listing the important details with a sunny voice. Finally, she moves onto the contents of today’s class, asking everyone to bring out their copies of The Outsiders. Jeno nearly misses her instructions, only grabbing the book from his backpack when Renjun lightly kicks his chair. He tries to pay attention this time, considering how challenging English is, but to no avail, fails. Once again, Jeno’s mind becomes clouded with thoughts about you—only this time, the concern surrounds Jaemin’s suggestion. 

Organise your thoughts. 

Jeno isn’t sure about where to start. 

He sighs, flipping through the pages until he lands on the chapter Ms. Son mentioned. As if his current predicament isn’t headache-inducing enough, the English alphabet is seeking to destroy his peace. 

Whatever, he thinks to himself, opting to just stare out the window instead. I’ll figure this out later.

jeno: sorry, y/n. johnny wants to hangout after school today jeno: i don’t think i can walk you home

you: that’s okay!! i’ll see you tomorrow morning, jeno :)

Jeno feels a little guilty lying to you, but he needs to stay away from you right now. Whenever he’s near you, he buffers, unable to act like his usual self. Tonight, he’s going to lay in his bed and decide after thinking everything over. Tomorrow, he’s going to act upon his decision. 

Jaemin sits across from him, going through a checklist of some sort. Apparently, the student body president managed to receive a green light for a ‘seniors only’ winter event, and Jaemin has been tasked with managing the necessary materials. Jeno knows his friend is displeased, but alas, he is only vice president, and whatever the president says, goes. 

“You’re still here?” Jaemin suddenly inquires, looking up from the pages. “Didn’t Y/N’s club end ten minutes ago?” 

Jeno exits Genshin Impact on his phone. “I told her I couldn’t walk her home today because of Johnny.”

“You lied.”

“So I can figure out my desires,” Jeno adds in defence. “I’m gonna take your advice and distance myself for a bit.” 

The vice president sets his pen down and leans into his chair. “You should at least tell her you want space instead of avoiding her with no words. She’ll get hurt, you know.”

Jeno licks his lips. “I know, but I’m scared she might catch on if I tell her that. It’s no different from outright saying ‘Hey, I like you.’”

“I guess so.” 

The duo are enveloped by silence as Jaemin returns to his duties and Jeno opens Genshin Impact again. He’s setting up to continue his previous play when a message from Johnny pops up. 

johnny: yo jeno, wanna go out for dinner? i’ll pay

Jeno sits up straight. “Seems like I wasn’t lying after all. Johnny’s asking if I’m free. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jaem.”

“Mhm.”

jeno: gatten sushi??

johnny: DEAL

It’s been approximately one week since that fateful Wednesday morning, and Lee Jeno has been actively avoiding you. No, he did not heed Jaemin’s advice; he’s too scared to confront you like that. Every morning, he’d hit you with the same excuse over text:

jeno: sorry y/n, johnny wants to hangout until he leaves

And you would answer him with:

you: go have fun with your cousin <3

Jeno’s lies are terrible, he knows that. Somehow, the white lie has become so warped that Johnny now (probably) appears to be an obsessive cousin who’s unwilling to stay away except for during school hours. Johnny wants to walk with Jeno to school and hangout with him afterwards. That’s the story the lovesick boy is sprinting with, and although he feels bad for painting such a strange image of his cousin, it’s not like Johnny’s ever going to cross paths with you. 

At least, not in the near future. 

Jeno leaves for school an hour earlier than usual. He knows you have no club activities before school and you aren’t a morning person. The earliest you will ever wake up is seven a.m., so the chances of accidentally running into you is approximately four percent. 

Jeno’s been successful so far. You haven’t come looking for him either, so he assumes you’ve either realised he needs space or are too busy with extracurricular activities to care. 

(He really hopes it isn’t the second one.)

Donghyuck stuffs a spoonful of bulgogi and rice into his mouth, a blissful expression on his face. He continues to inhale more of his lunch until he suddenly perks up. “Look, lover boy. It’s Y/N.”

Instinctively, Jeno turns at the mention of you. He catches your figure standing in line for food with Roh Jeongui and Kim Chaewon. Your eyes meet his, and he offers a sheepish wave to which you smile back. Jeno’s nape grows hot. 

You’re too pretty when you smile. 

He shyly diverts his gaze to his food, scooping up a portion of his lunch to distract himself. Renjun nudges him with a teasing “Ooh,” which Donghyuck snickers at. Jaemin shakes his head but an amused grin graces his lips. Jeno tickles Renjun’s side. “Shut up, Huang.” 

“You know, the winter event for seniors will be happening in nine days,” mentions Jaemin, stirring his soup. “Why don’t you take Y/N as your date?”

Donghyuck claps at the idea. “Jaemin, you wonderful, wonderful man. That is one wonderful idea!”

Renjun chimes, “How romantic. Feels like a fairytale.” 

Jeno hopes his cheeks aren’t as rosy as he thinks they are. “No way. I’d rather just go with you guys.”

“Who said we’d want to go with you, though?”

He shoots Donghyuck a glare. “Do you even have a date, Hyuck?”

The younger one proudly grins, his chest puffing up. “I do, actually. I have Renjun.” 

The said boy sticks his tongue out. “Too bad, I’m going with your sister, my girlfriend.” 

“Sorry, Renjun, but it’s seniors only.” Jaemin interrupts. “The student president wants it to be a special memory for the seniors. Also, we have a tight budget that barely covers the school’s third year population. So, a second year student can't attend.” 

Renjun pouts, visibly dismayed. In contrast, Donghyuck’s face is shining with glee. “Guess you’re my date, then, Junnie!” 

Jeno consumes the rest of his lunch, thoroughly thinking about Jaemin’s proposition (again). He wonders if he can just ask you to go with him to the event as a friend. Would that be weird? He certainly thinks nothing could be as weird as his feelings for his best friend. 

The boy sighs, swamped by the confusing reality he’s living in. Whatever he’s doing cannot go on any longer. He needs to stop avoiding you and confront the yearnings of his heart. But there’s no way Jeno could just suddenly go back to acting ‘normal’ around you—even if he decides to bury his feelings to save the friendship, he’s still going to have lingering feelings and, with no doubt, you would ask him to tell you the truth behind his sudden aloofness. 

Jeno is going to confess to you. 

The bulgogi thinks he should. 

It’s dangerous but he’s willing to take the risk, even if it means that the friendship may never be repaired and he may never be close to you again. But that’s okay, because he’d much rather stay truthful with you during the entire friendship instead of continuing a lie that will eventually bite him in the ass. 

Jeno decides to set a deadline for himself: on the night of the winter event, he will confess to you. 

He steels his grip around the utensils. 

Nine days. Lee Jeno is going to confess to you on the ninth day of those nine days. The eight days prior to the ninth, he’s going to prepare himself for every possible outcome that could occur on Friday evening. He steals an egg roll from Renjun’s tray, to which the older one sputters in shock. Nine days. In nine days, Jeno’s friendship with you is going to accelerate into something more or crumble into pieces. 

Nine days. 

He’s got this. 

Jeno does not have this. 

Since when did eight days become equivalent to eight seconds? (The math is not mathing.) Jeno stares at the mirror, his reflection blankly blinking back. He’s dressed in a black suit and adorns a green tie for that pop of colour. It’s not exactly his style, but Renjun proposed the four of them match for their first and last high school event. Jeno decided to go green, while Renjun chose yellow, Donghyuck went with blue, and Jaemin used a colour generator to pick a shade (resulting in purple). He’ll probably find it tacky when he looks back in the future, but right now, he’s rather satisfied with the scheme. 

Jeno’s mother blow dries his hair, brushing through the strands with her nimble fingers. She sets the drier down and runs a comb down his bangs, smiling at her beautiful son. “When did my cute son become this handsome?” 

Jeno groans at the comment, bashful and embarrassed. “Mom,” he whines, “don’t say that.”

“What?” she laughs, finding his reaction entertaining. “It’s true. You were the cutest baby, I can’t believe you’re graduating soon.” 

Me neither, Jeno mentally agrees.

“There you go!” she exclaims, clasping her hands. She steps back and lets Jeno examine his appearance.

“Beware of SM,” Johnny jokes from the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. He whistles, “You look great.” 

Jeno grins. “Thanks, Johnny.” He thanks his mother for styling his hair and walks out of the bathroom, heading to the doorway. His father sticks a thumbs-up in approval from the dinner table. Jeno drags his coat on, plants his feet into his newly-bought dress shoes, and waves to his parents from the entrance. They tell him to have fun to which he replies, “I’ll try!”

(Because, you know, he’s going to confess tonight and that thought alone has him breaking into a cold sweat every five minutes.)

Johnny’s his chauffeur for tonight. His cousin offered to give Jeno and his friends a ride to the school and back, and although he states it’s out of pure love, the younger surmises that Johnny wants to go for a late night drive around Seoul. The two get into his father’s car; Johnny behind the wheel, Jeno in the passenger’s seat. 

By car, the ride to the apartment complex where the rest live isn't that far. They arrive there in no time and soon, the car is filled with three teenage boys—Jaemin is a member of the student council therefore having to arrive before six—and one young adult singing along to Big Bang’s Bang Bang Bang the entire ride to school. 

“I’ll come by around ten p.m.,” says Johnny, leaning out the window. The boys nod, give their thanks, and run into the building. 

“Jaemin!” Renjun shouts, garnering the attention of their friend. 

“You guys are early,” the vice president notes, bumping fists with Donghyuck. “Did Johnny drop you guys off?”

Jeno nods. “He’ll be back around ten to pick us up, but let your mother know you’ll be back by eleven. Johnny said he’ll take us out for McDonald’s after.” 

“Nice.”

The four of them head down the hallway toward the gymnasium, where the winter event is set to take place. The large room is decorated in golds, whites, and blues, with streamers and balloons hanging from the walls. A long table of snacks and drinks line the wall adjacent to the entrance and a DJ booth is situated in the centre of the stage. Many students have already arrived, even more filtering in as the clock ticks closer to seven. And when the little hand strikes seven, Jeno sees you walk in. 

“Holy shit,” he whispers, awestruck. 

You look stunning. 

You’re walking with Chaewon and Kim Sunwoo, chatting excitedly over God knows what. He’s too focused on your presence to realise Donghyuck’s snapped a few photos of his dropped jaw and wide eyes. 

Have you always been this pretty?

“Jeno, you’re staring.” Renjun teases, poking his cheek. Jeno comes back to his senses, ears furiously blushing. He rips his gaze away and clears his throat. He made a mistake. The boys are never going to let him live this down. 

“Let’s check out the food!” chirps Donghyuck as the DJ starts blasting music. Renjun happily follows and Jaemin heaves Jeno along. 

Jeno is going to confess to you. 

Even if the school is burning to the ground or a sinkhole opens below, Lee Jeno will confess his feelings to you by the end of the event. 

But first, he’s going to make the most of tonight with his best friends. 

Nine p.m., and Jeno has not crossed paths with you once. There’s a lot more students in his year than he’d thought. 

“Jaemin!” he hollers into the other’s ear. “I’m gonna go out for a breather!”

Jaemin is too busy dancing the macarena with Donghyuck. 

Jeno squeezes himself past the throng of seniors, repeatedly muttering “excuse me” and “sorry” as he seeks to escape the loud crowd. When he manages to stumble through the exit, he runs into you standing in the hallway with a cookie in your mouth. 

“Eh-noh!” you beam, chewing on the dessert. 

Butterflies erupt in his stomach. “Y/N,” he utters. “What are you doing out here?”

You finish your cookie. “Got too stuffy in there,” you say while dusting the crumbs off your fingers. “I’m guessing it’s the same for you?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles, shuffling closer to you. Under the dim hallway lights, your eyes shine brighter than the stars. “Uh, wanna go for a walk with me?” 

You smile. “I’d love to.” 

You’re patient, Jeno thinks as the two of you walk to the staircase. He’s been avoiding you for nearly two weeks and yet, you haven’t asked any questions. You don’t pressure him into spilling the beans or confront him about the blatant lies. You understand him, you’re considerate of him, you’ll never make him uncomfortable. Jeno likes that about you. He likes how you and he have opposing qualities that fit like puzzle pieces. He likes how you and he can never run out of topics to converse about. He likes how you and he have a bond that is difficult to severe. 

Most of all, Jeno likes the way you smile at him. 

Oh, he’s so head over heels in love. 

You enter your homeroom, Jeno following suit. Your body moves to the window seat at the very back, glancing outside at the snowing scenery. 

“It’s so pretty,” you say, referring to the white night. “I think winter is my favourite season now.” 

Jeno hums, leaning against the desk. “I still like springtime more. The cold is too difficult.”

You roll your eyes at his response but he catches your small grin. “Of course, flower boy. I wouldn’t expect anything else.” 

Your gaze stays fixated on the falling snow. Jeno finds it hard to look away from you. He drinks in your appearance—from the way your hair flows, to the line of your nose, to the curve of your shoulders. You’re so perfect, carefully crafted by Aphrodite herself. Everything about you is beautiful, more beautiful than anything in the world. If he could, Jeno would build a museum just to display your beauty. 

You finally glimpse at him, tilting your head at his stare. He finds himself getting lost in your eyes. “Jeno? You okay?”

It’s time. 

Jeno is going to confess to you. 

“Y/N, I like you.”

Jeno just confessed to you. 

Your eyes widen and lips part in shock. You furrow your eyebrows at first and then loosen them when you realise he’s telling the truth. Even though the only illumination being provided is the moonlight, Jeno doesn’t miss the way roses bloom on your cheeks. You gulp. “You like me?”

He smiles. “Yeah.” 

“I—” You lick your lips, playing with the fabric of your dress. “This feels like a dream.” 

His heart jumps. “Y/N?”

You refuse to look him in the eyes, opting to stare out the window again—but this time, with a timid expression. “I…I like you too, Lee Jeno.” 

Jeno feels like his heart is about to implode. You like him back. You like him back. 

“Are you serious?” he breathes, stepping closer to you. You fervently nod, still maintaining eye contact with the snowfall. Jeno laughs in relief. You let out a yelp as he envelops you in a soft hug. “I like you so, so much, Y/N.” 

You return his embrace, hands flat against his broad back. “Did you avoid me because you liked me?” 

His breath hitches at your correct assumption. “Y—Yeah. Jaemin suggested I distance myself to figure out my feelings before I come clean.” 

“I was really upset, you know.” You raise your head and pout. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, stroking your head. “How can I make up for it?” 

Your gaze trails from his eyes to his nose to his lips then back to his eyes. You surprise him with your boldness. “If you give me a kiss, I’ll forgive you.” 

Jeno doesn’t need to be asked twice. He gently bumps his lips against yours, cupping your face with both of his hands. Your arms wrap them around his waist, drawing him in closer. You taste sweeter than candy.

Jeno wants to be drunk on this euphoric feeling forever. 

He’s about to deepen the kiss when you break away, face redder than the setting sun. “Too fast. That was my first kiss.” 

“Same.” 

You raise a brow in suspicion. “You were a little too good for this to be your first kiss, Jen.” 

Jeno laughs at your statement, poking your forehead with his pointer finger. “I researched a bit.” (Undisclosed: “I watched the K-Dramas my mom put on TV.”) 

A serene atmosphere settles in the classroom as Jeno and you simply drown in each other’s presence, drinking in the beauty of tonight’s happening. Your hands play with his loose tie and his fingers graze the small sequins sewed to your dress. “Y/N,” he whispers, “will you be my girlfriend?” 

You tug at his tie, bringing him closer. “I’d be stupid to say no.” And you kiss him for the second time. 

Love? It’s always been the feeling that reminded Jeno of his best friend, but now, it’ll only remind him of his girlfriend. 

bonus: the aftermath.

Two days since the friends-to-lovers scenario, and Jeno is walking you home for the first time in nearly three weeks. Not much has changed—the same subway, the same bus, the same pathway. But then again, everything has changed. 

For instance, instead of walking side-by-side with a small distance in-between, Jeno’s left hand is intertwined with your right hand, finding warmth in his jacket pocket. 

Monday’s have never been better. 

“It feels strange to walk with you as a couple now,” you giggle, snuggling into your scarf. “To be frank, I never thought this day would come.” 

Jeno frowns. “Why is that?” 

You blow out a puff of air. “Because you’re popular with all of the girls at school. You know, Jeon Heejin fancied you for quite a while! I was scared you’d like her.” 

He snorts. “I don’t think you have the right to say that when you dated Choi Soobin from Class 3-4.” 

“In my defence, I dated him to get over you! Though, I do feel sorry but I don’t think he liked me that much anyway. He’s dating Hwang Yeji now.” 

Jeno stops walking, to which you automatically halt, and he leans over to steal a kiss. “I’m glad you never got over me, Y/N. I’m only ever going to walk with you for the rest of my life.”

Lee Jeno needs to stop making your cheeks hurt. 

© NABI (2023); ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

taglist | @matchahyuck @lovehowdream @niinjo @jeonnyread @pckeia @dandelionxgal @huangstape @lemarkjun @mosviqu @neosdaisy @haven-cove

[weebeestie]

Like I know on the one hand, some people are so jaded from years of being called delusional and getting booed for even asking questions vaguely related to Destiel that hearing Jensen address a question like that respectfully, and to go as far as to call Castiel's romantic feelings explicitly text and not subtext, is enough on its own.

Nonetheless...to me his answer almost entirely confirms that Jensen views it as unrequited love. The strong implication is that Dean sees, understands, and accepts that Cas is in love with him, and that he is okay with that and comfortable with accepting how Cas feels about him even though he doesn't feel the same way. It still has that vibe of like...yay us for not making macho bro Dean feel icky about being friends with a gay guy. Which doesn't feel great, but I guess is "progress" in the context of how certain things have gone both in the show itself and in the meta context of fandom over these many years? It doesn't need to be acknowledged or "resolved" because both Dean and Cas accept that Cas is in love with Dean and Dean loves Cas platonically, but they both care so much about each other that they are content to just let it be. The "resolution" was their naming and accepting of that subtextual dynamic, which is now out in the open as "text." This is what Jensen's answer implies, and why according to him there is nothing left to say.

I feel conflicted about this because on the one hand, I think Jensen has proven himself to be supportive and respectful of Bobo's vision for this story, and at the end of the day Bob Berens scripted Castiel's feelings for Dean as unrequited. I know there is division about this and maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I truly think that's how Berens wrote it in "Despair." The bigger, unresolved questions for me are still whether that choice was made because TPTB explicitly prevented them from having it be requited, and it was an unhappy compromise rather than a first choice; and whether any continuation of the story would be creatively handcuffed in this way or given more freedom. The whole thing is of course complicated by the fact that the relationship is imo very much NOT written as unrequited within the context of...well...the entire show since season 4, but simply within the script of 15x18. A conundrum for sure.

Ultimately I don't blame Jensen for his answer which I think threads the needle pretty well given what we know.

But also...I will absolutely not be watching any continuation of SPN in which Dean and Castiel's relationship is presented as unrequited. There's no point in telling more of a story that's already been "resolved." Fix it, or let the dead horse lie.

[tradetobest]

dee's january 2024 fic recs

ok so. i thought i'd do a fic rec list every month this year of just my favourite fics that got bookmarked in the month (not necessarily written in the past month) that had just passed... i was a bit busy for the past few days but FINALLY i got the chance to sit down so!!

(if you want to play fic roulette here's some blind links otherwise!! enjoy under the cut

1 2 3 4 5 6)

3:30 by sevenfists

pairing: sidney crosby/evgeni malkin rating: E words: 11k summary: Napping with Sid would be inconvenient, embarrassing, and more than a little gay, and maybe Zhenya was a little gay, but he didn’t need to advertise it.

i LOVE "oh this thing we do together has become a routine now we Have to do it before games" fics and you should too!! this one is So cute i love it....

waiting for confessions of love by catchingpapermoons

pairing: jamie drysdale/trevor zegras/mason mctavish rating: M words: 41k summary: “I’ll be so real with you, man,” Trevor says, pulling back. “I had no fucking idea you liked dudes.”

one thing about me is that i am an absolute sucker for miscommunication and will love it at all costs and this fic DELIVERS!!!! and so well!!

high into the blue by idday

pairing: jack eichel/connor mcdavid rating: T words: 10k summary: Lieutenant John Eichel of the United States Navy – Boston to his squadron and Jack to the people who matter – is reckless and cocky and too smug for his own damn good. But even Connor has to admit that the boy can goddamn fly. (Captain Connor McDavid, Royal Canadian Air Force, is by the book in the worst way, conservative and careful and liable to get himself killed out there. Jack shouldn’t be impressed by him. He really shouldn’t.)

when i tell you i SCREAMED when i got the notif for this fic and then immediately went and watched top gun.,.... if you know me you know anything idday puts out i literally eat up like mceichel is the only thing that will ever sustain me ever again and this was NO exception,,,, always a pleasure to be able to experience an idday fic is what i say

play your heart out by ribena

pairing: leon draisaitl/connor mcdavid rating: M words: 4k summary: Connor loses his heart. Leon finds it for the both of them.

oughh./.. ouhhh.... what even to say.... clutches my heart (lol)...... beautiful..... i literally screamed cried went through it..... please read like literally begs you

nobody wins afraid of losing by adelphenium

pairing: tyler bertuzzi/dylan larkin rating: E words: 12k summary: It’s been almost a year since the first trade. It’s been just a few weeks since they last saw each other, facing off on the ice here in Toronto. In all the months since the Boston run, Tyler’s done nothing but read Dylan’s texts from the notifications bar like a sad and filthy sack of shit, too weak not to feel a thrill whenever a Saw that goal, what a beauty berts or a Hope you’re sleeping ok came through. Or: Tyler and Dylan during the 2024 bye week.

"hey you bookmarked this one on december 31st" IM PUTTING IT IN JANUARY!!!!! PLEASE READ THIS FIC!!!!! not only did jamie adelphenium write it but its just. it has shaped the way i view tyler bertuzzi and sparked a love for mr hockey butt himself..... what a good fic yall please read

reserve your ardors by wrightsworth

pairing: jamie benn/tyler seguin rating: E words: 9k summary: Jamie was in over his head. He had been out of his depth for months if he was being honest, ever since he picked Seggy up from the airport that first time in the humid Dallas air and his Omega genes decided to make themselves known, and loudly.

it wouldnt be me without some good old bennguin and RAHH pining and omegaverse and unrequited-requited and miscommunication like what else could you want in a fic its so good

[jemmo]

for the ask game, 7, 12, 17! 💗🌼

thank you for the ask :)) and sorry its late i was gonna answer this at the bus stop yesterday but for once they decided to be on time

7. top 5 bl

man i had to stare at my mdl completed list for a while to decide this, but i'll preface that these top 5 are here both bc i have such a strong emotional connection with them and bc i want to scream about how actually good they are from a rooftop (also not ranked bc thats too hard):

utsukushii kare - don't know else i can make it clear how beloved and special this show is to me. an excellent story across both seasons and the movie with even better mains that are characterised to perfection, develop in the most beautifully human way and are performed brilliantly. and if i think about this show any longer and remember its over i will break so moving on

old fashioned cupcake - it was one thing to give me a bl starring THE og kageyama stage play actor bc those things were my life during the height of my anime phase, but to then have it be this good?? the story is beautiful, the fact they manage to do so much with such little run time amazes me, and to this day it has the most romantic line in any bl that always gives me goosebumps when i watch it. and i dont wanna talk like im that old, im only 25, but as someone who's barely had anything you can call a romantic experience, this show left me with the warmest sense of hope and comfort that beautiful love stories aren't reserved for high schools, and its never too late to find happiness

blueming - i havent rewatched this one in a while, or much at all, but i'll never forget the visceral response i had when i binged it all in one night. i adore the fact that this is just the gentlest story of 2 people falling in love and finding comfort in each other and just how naturally and simply it happens, and i think its portrayal of that specific family dynamic is phenomenal, bc for me at least its as much about that family being in the process of healing as it is about the love story, and the fact they go hand in hand is even better

bad buddy - what else is there to say. for the 12 weeks it aired, i ate, slept and breathed this show. literally did not even think about anything else. and this show has rightly been praised to the moon and back but as well as all that, its always gonna be special for me bc of the people and community i found and shared the watching experience with. what can i say, you just had to have been there, and im so glad i was

the eighth sense - surprisingly this was my last pick and i was debating swapping it for a few others, but it ultimately stays bc of how refreshing and how much of an emotional rollercoaster it was. i haven't ever brought myself to rewatch it, but i can vividly remember how enraptured i was by the sheer amount of tension they managed to create in those initial episodes, and how well they managed to maintain it. and i hope people take note of how much people loved its artful and kinda raw vibe and become inspired to do something similar bc i think it gives great balance to the genre (and i also, clearly, love it, just look at these pics. i promise i do love fun and silly stuff too)

12. most rewatched bl

i was debating putting this on my list but ultimately, while not being my absolute favourite, its my definition of a comfort show and that is my dating sim. idk what it is about the show, but ever since it came out i go back to it at the very least monthly. i think its the fact that when im really craving a good bl, it manages to not only hit all my favourite tropes (unrequited but secretly requited love, reuniting and digging up the past, that initial clash gives me a lil bit of enemies to lovers, plus it has enough fluff to make me all warm and giddy), but it also does them so well, and the story is so perfectly simple and succinct that i feel so content when the whole thing is over. truly the perfect show for when i wanna do nothing and feel happy.

17. best kiss

unsurprising but yes, it still is the bad buddy rooftop kiss. i dare not watch this kiss bc i know if the weakness ever overtakes me i will fall into a void that i will not escape for at least a week. and honestly, while there has been some good competition, idk if she'll ever be beaten, and idk if thats bias talking or just the objective truth, but i encourage all bl's to keep giving it their bests shot

❤️🧡💛bl ask game💚💙💜

[inevitablestars]

for the character thingy, lily 👀

LILYYYYY big thoughts here!! zar i am so glad you asked

this ask game

starting with how i feel about her. i feel things so many things i love her so deeply so very deeply and i end up going insane about her a lot. there's just so much potential for tragedy without even taking into account the actual tragic fate of canon and that makes me insane. also just sibling. she's a younger sibling and not enough people explore her and petunia so i will take it upon myself to do just that !!!

people i ship lily with: (in no particular order and with more detail than necessary)

dorcas - dorlily will always be tragic to me idc if they are happy eventually it's always tragic

regulus - if i think too much about regulily i might explode :/ they are just like tragic again but also perfect in every way that makes no sense at all they don't intentionally fall in love ever it just happens by accident and then one day they're in love and no one saw it coming and just !!! also the younger sibling with a strained relationship with the older sibling thing .... why are more people not insane about that more people should be losing their minds with me

james - a classic! teenage love that's sweet and they just work. like james loves the way he loves and lily deserves that kind of love!! not as insane about these two but like they're always going to be good

mary - slowly have been falling out with marylily but i do still like them. even more fun if its unrequited on either end but great still as friends to lovers or just being sweet! when its requited there isn't as much angst which is usually what draws me to ships even more but like still fun

pandora - also not top of the list but still good! they're insane together and bring out the worst in each other (positive) and just very fun!

non romantic otp.... this is hard it really depends on the situation... bc like remus is right there and they deserve to be best friends and have an unspoken language together and be someone the other confides in. but then there is also platonic regulily which also drives me insane. and then lily and sirius are best friends you cannot tell me otherwise and the deserve that! like also back to siblings sirius and lily finding each other and helping to heal part of them with loving each other for the sibling that cant or won't and it's :( i love them

unpopular opinion on lily.... obvious answer is regulily but im not gonna talk about ships in this but im gonna go with idk if its unpopular but i feel like i dont see it that often but i feel like lily is kind of a bitch (again, positive) like if you take canon yeah she's a mom and thats the only trait she gets which is stupid. she's not soft at all unless you are one of her people and then she will adore you forever and ever and treat you like a princess but to anyone else especially anyone that is rude to her or her people she can and will kill them

one thing i wish would have happened to lily in canon - okay like i was just saying she should have more of a personality, but that aside and just considering a canon setting... she should have been the one to pick the secret keeper. like yeah all of them would have been in consideration including sirius and peter but lily would have been better at picking like clearly no one was thinking who are lily's friends that would be able to do this it was always just oh james! his best friend (also lily's bff but i digress) and then oh no not james' best friend let's go with his other friend! like cmon lily would have been smarter than to pick one of the three people closest to them that everyone knows is close to them :/ also she should have lived that would have been cool of her to also survive a killing curse

i um. i rambled quite a bit so i apologize for that... idk what happened :/

[quil12]

Can you do a Hanahaki au? Specifically with Yu having it.

(I'll completely understand if you don't want to)

I can't say that I've ever even read a Hanahaki fic lmao (so sorry if it doesn't go the way that it normally would go), but this was very interesting to write. I love doing love confessions, so this was an interesting way of getting there.

Yu stared down at the yellow flower petal sitting in the middle of his palm. He had just had an intense coughing fit and, before he knew it, there it was.

He had heard stories of this happening before. How if a love that you had was unrequited, your lungs would slowly fill up with flowers until there was nothing that you could do until you began to choke on them and died.

Of course, if the love became requited, the flowers would go away as well. 

There was no way that his love was requited.

There was absolutely no way. 

He curled his palm up, crushing the flower petal, then threw it into the trash can next to his desk. 

- - -

Yu gazed out at the water of the Samegawa, enjoying the warm summer breeze as it blew through his hair. He had taken his tackle box and had come out here to do a little bit of fishing. It was always a pleasant way to spend an evening.

All of a sudden, he heard his name being called from the ridge up above him.

His breath hitched.

Yosuke.

“Hey, Yu, Partner, what’re you up to?”

He swallowed hard as he looked up toward his smiling face, the evening light casting him in a soft yellow glow. He was so unbelievably handsome. He didn’t know how he wasn’t supposed to fall for him.

He was the worst person to fall for though.

He wasn’t interested in men - he had made that stance abundantly clear when they had gone to rescue Kanji. 

There was no way that he could ever be interested in him - not in any sort of romantic sense.

“Oh, I’m just fishing.” He gestured at the fishing pole.

“Want some company?”

“If you want to.”

“Of course I want to.”

As he started heading down the river bank toward him, there was a sudden tickling in his throat. He tried to keep it down, but it only got more and more insistent. He turned his head away from him, coughing into his hand. 

Yosuke sat beside him just as he stopped.

“That’s a pretty nasty cough. Are you feeling okay?”

Yu nodded, shoving the flower petals into the tackle box beside him as discreetly as possible, “It’s just all the pollen.”

Yosuke groaned, “Oh, I feel you there. I feel like it never used to get this bad.”

He kept talking, but Yu was caught up in the relief of not getting caught. 

He briefly considered telling him. Telling him that he was in love with him. If he told him, he did suppose that it would wipe out any doubt in his mind that it was completely unrequited. Wipe out that tiny sliver of hope that he had.

Then again, if he told him, he would hate him. 

If he was going to die anyway, he might as well live in a world where he was still his friend and was allowed to be around him. He didn’t know what he would do if he wasn’t permitted that.

- - -

Alstroemeria.

That was the kind of flower it was. 

There was no mistaking it now, especially not after he had coughed up the whole flower head, not just its petals. 

He had searched it up online, and apparently, it symbolized friendship as well as a strong bond of love between two people. 

That had made his chest ache. 

Friendship. That part was definitely true. He knew that Yosuke considered him a friend - a best friend even. He thought of him in that way too. He did also love him as a friend. 

It was more than that though. While the love between them might have been purely platonic from Yosuke’s point of view, it was wholly tinged with romance from Yu’s. 

A strong bond of love could mean either of those two things. At least he knew that he loved him - though not in the way that he wanted.

- - -

Yu sat up quickly in bed. He couldn’t breathe. His mind was in complete panic mode. Was he about to die?

He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down a little, before turning his head, forcing himself to cough. After a few seconds, he spat out two flower heads along with enough petals that he couldn’t be bothered to count them. 

He took a deep breath, his lungs eternally grateful for the air they were finally getting. 

He reached into his mouth, pulling out another petal, setting it down with the others on his blanket. 

He just laid there for a while, staring blankly up at the ceiling. He didn’t want to die, but he couldn’t exactly confess to him either. 

After a few minutes, he sat up, gathering all the flowers together, and throwing them away. For the time being, he was fine. He still had time to spend with Yosuke.

- - -

Yu stepped out of the house, starting the walk to school. 

Everything was fine until he started to feel the now familiar tickle in his throat. 

He took a breath. He couldn’t let anyone see. If they saw, then people would start talking about it. He didn’t know what he would do it Yosuke confronted him about it. 

He turned down an side street, forcing himself to cough into his hand until his throat was raw. He needed to get as much out as possible before getting to school. 

He still had the flowers in his hand when there was a familiar voice from behind him.

“Yu? What are you doing?”

He quickly turned to face him, holding the flowers behind his back, “Nothing.”

He winced. That had sounded so suspicious.

Yosuke furrowed his brows, walking over to him, and grabbing onto his arm, pulling it from behind his back and toward him. He stared at the flowers for a few seconds. 

Yu’s heart was pounding in his chest. He was about to put it together. He was about to find out what was going on.

He frowned, “Did someone give you flowers or something?”

He could have cried in relief. An out. He was offering him an out.

“Oh, yeah. Someone did. I don’t really want them though.”

He opened his hands, letting the flowers float gently down to the ground.

“Wow, kinda harsh, don’t you think. Some poor girl is going to be heartbroken.”

Yu shrugged, “I guess.”

Yosuke shook his head, “Come on. We’re gonna be late for school.”

Yu nodded, following him as he started walking in the direction of the school building. Things would be fine for a little while longer.

- - -

“Hey, Yu, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out after school.”

“That sounds like fun.” Yu was already agreeing before he could even think about it. There was no way that he could ever say no to Yosuke.

“Great.” He beamed at him, his smile so bright it could light up the world.

Once school was out for the day, he went with Yosuke out of the school. It was getting to be the middle of fall, the whole countryside painted in browns, oranges, and yellows. 

“So, what did you want to do?” Yu asked.

Yosuke shrugged, “I dunno. Just hang out, I guess.”

Yu smiled, “Sounds good to me.”

They walked around for a while, getting a ways away from the center of town. It was so rural and basically deserted out there. The whole walk was filled with Yosuke’s cheerful voice as he talked about whatever happened to pop into his head.

Yu listened to every word, just wanting to hear his voice. 

Everything was going well until the all-too-familiar tickle started in his throat. He successfully ignored it for a while, but, as time went on, it started to go from a tickle to pain as it became harder and harder to breathe. 

He needed to get away from Yosuke as fast as he could.

“I think I should start heading back now,” Yu said, keeping his voice as calm and level as possible.

Yosuke frowned, “Oh, all right. Is everything okay?”

Yu nodded, “It’s fine.”

He gave him a look like he wasn’t convinced, but didn’t push him on it, and for that, he was grateful. 

They started walking back in the direction of town. They didn’t get very far though before the need to breathe became too strong. It was too hard, his vision swimming in front of him. He should have suggested that they go back as soon as he felt the initial tickle. He had to keep from coughing. If he saw him cough up the flowers, what was he supposed to do then?

“Yu? Are you okay?”

His voice seemed so far away. He realized that he had stopped walking. That was probably why he was asking that.

Yosuke grabbed his arm, leading him off the road, pushing him against a tree. He leaned back against it, sliding down to the ground. Yosuke was talking to him, but he couldn’t hear him over the pounding of his heart in his ears.

He was going to choke if he didn’t get them out. It was either do that or die. That realization hit him hard, panic starting to set in. He didn’t want to die.

He faced toward the ground, trying to keep at least partially out of Yosuke’s line of sight, then started coughing. Tears were running down his face, his chest and throat burning. 

He managed to get out the flowers stuck in his throat, but there was still a feeling of fullness in his lungs. It really was only a matter of time. 

“Yu? Hey. Look at me.” Yosuke’s voice was filled with panic. 

He took a sharp breath, grabbing at the flowers underneath him, trying desperately to hide them away from him.

Yosuke grabbed on to one of his hands, pulling it up, moving his fingers apart, and taking the flower out of his palm. 

This was it. He was about to figure it out. 

He looked between his face and the flower, a sudden look of realization coming across his face.

“I… Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Yu shook his head, looking down at the ground.

“Well, who is it then? I need to get you to them right now. I can’t…”

Yu shook his head again. He couldn’t tell him who it was. He couldn’t…

It was quiet for a few seconds.

“Yu, you need to tell me who it is right now. I’m not going to let you die. Please.” His voice cracked.

Yu bit his lip.

“Tell me, please.”

He sounded so desperate. He really didn’t like to hear him like that. 

“What would you do it you knew?”

“What would I do…?”

“It’s not requited.”

“How do you know for sure?”

“I know.”

“There’s always the possibility that it’s not and that-”

“It’s you.”

Yu closed his eyes. There. He had said it. He didn’t want to argue with him anymore.

He was expecting him to yell at him. He was expecting him to be angry. He was expecting him to call him disgusting or walk away from him. 

What he was not expecting was for him to lay his palm against his cheek and gingerly press their lips together. 

It didn’t last for very long, just a chaste, gentle touch of their lips. They were so warm and soft against his. It made him feel like he couldn’t breathe, but in a much more pleasant way than had been the case before.

Yosuke pulled away, pressing their foreheads together. There were tears in his voice as he spoke, “You’re such an idiot. I love you. I love you so much.”

He loved him?

There was no way that this was real. There was no way that he liked him back.

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do.” He pulled back, “So don’t ever try and hide something like this from me ever again. I… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears started rolling down his cheeks.

Yosuke shushed him, wrapping his arms around him, holding him tightly up against him.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice full of adoration and endearment.

[welcometohell09]

As a fanfic writer, I think we’re all limited by the way hanahaki is centred around love (even when authors don’t purely focus on romantic attraction).

(TLDR at the bottom. TW for vague discussions of transphobia/gender dysphoria, although it’s brief and not detailed.)

It’s fairly widely acknowledged (at least as far as I’ve seen) that hanahaki isn’t really romantic, because of the horror of A) the illness, and B) not being able to reject someone for fear of killing them. Some authors work around this by making it a curse, or making it so a confession of feelings (regardless of whether it’s requited or now) is enough to expel the disease.

A lot of other authors have also dealt with the weird centralisation of romantic relationships by making it so hanahaki isn’t a strictly romantic disease, and can occur with any type of romantic love.

But frankly, why stop there?

The part of hanahaki that’s always fascinated me is its portrayal of repression as body horror. The idea that if you feel/believe something that’s hurting you, and you refuse to do anything about it, it will eventually strangle you. There’s no easy way out of what’s going on in your head without hurting the people around you. Making love—romantic or otherwise—the only way that that can be explored squishes so many opportunities to explore other topics or feelings.

For example, take a closeted transgender character; for symbolic purposes, let’s say they’re transfem. Trying to repress her femininity/gender identity doesn’t work, even though it would be easier (or safer, but that’s a nuance you would need a longer post to explore) to just pretend she wasn’t a girl. But due to her repression—not her being trans, but her repression of that part of her—flowers bloom in her lungs.

Symbolically, using hanahaki in this case works. You have body horror (which is a very common thread in a lot of trans media, due to the inherent horror of gender dysphoria) in the form of the flowers physically growing in her lungs. You have flowers, while are typically considered to be feminine (although if you picked the flowers carefully you could definitely make it masc), literally growing inside and bursting out of a character who is trying to hide her femininity. You have an acknowledgment that something has to change in order for her to be safe/ok, but that could also be opposed by the societal stigma or violence that keeps her under wraps.

Hanahaki works for other themes too. Mental illness in particular (mainly depression) would absolutely work with that kind of exploration. I’ve been considering writing something like that for a long time, but frankly I have no idea how I’d tag it.

TLDR: Hanahaki is under-utilised as a symbolic device and should be used to explore a lot of different themes, rather than just unrequited love (in its various forms) due to its ability to communicate both strong emotion and nuance.

[blole-hack]

Requiteromantic (updated)- A romantic orientation characterized by the need for feelings to be mutual in order for romantic feelings to persist or deepen.

while recipromantic is defined that its a requirement for the person to like them first (to reciprocate), a requiteromantic will like the person first, but immediately does not like the person romantically anymore when their romantic attraction cannot be requited or is not requited.

Like, seriously, the romantic attraction will suddenly disappear. no more romantic desire at all. could still have other lingering feelings like emotional attraction, but no more drive for romance.

Etymology - Requiteromantics are not unrequited romantics as romantic feeligns disappear once unrequitedness is evident to them.

For some, feelings are still considered unrequited even if the person likes them back if they do not or cannot like them in the same depth as they have

Flag explanation:

Gray - Stable, calm, detachment (after rejection/unrequitedness). It is also because this label is closer to grayromanticism than pure aro since it initiates instead of starting off as none Lighter blue - tranquility and peace with unrequitedness/rejection Deeper blue - True feelings, even if its not apparent to some due to how easy it is moving on if someone does not like them

Blue could also represent logic, as requiteromantics will not be attracted to people that logically cannot like them back at all like people that are not attracted to their gender.

pattern is derived from the recipromantic flag but reversed because its kind of like recipromantic but in reversed order, not the opposite.

Why I believe it counts as aromantic/aspec

It is a greyspec identity since the person feels attraction only in specific circumstances.

little to no desire for a romantic relationship with specific people because you will kinda just stop caring at the end of the day since you also GENUINELY cannot be into people that are not into you <- i know that is very uncommon and similar to recipromantic people's experiences as well

It is similar to Frayromantic, as feelings disappear when a condition is met (a person not liking them)

Requite- flag (base flag can be used or modified for every attraction type forgot to include them again my bad)

[oncewhenalongtimeago]

Wildflower pt 5

Pairing: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III x Fem!Fiance!Reader

Words: 3,389

You spy something in the darkness. 

Tags: Mild age difference, unrequited, requited, fem!reader, heavy exposition, non-canon politics, original characters

<Previous -

The sound of water meeting water rang hollowly through the wide corridor. It was nearly met in tempo by the sound of your boots scuffing against stone, your way lit by a set of torches thrice as thick as your arm and four times the length of your head. 

You lay deep in the belly of Berk’s mountain at a depth that nearly felt equal to the highest of its peaks, reaching past the clouds with a thin rock finger.

You walked confidently, bolstered by experience and the knowing of a warrior having traveled the same path time and time again and having come out all the better for it. Despite that, the hairs on the back of your neck prickled, your neck feeling icy. 

The cold shivers that had often plagued you as a child threatened to return as you passed a gaping, light-less, uneven archway, natural, rocky spires looking a lot like jagged teeth contrasted against the awning darkness. 

That was the Thorstons’ territory. 

There was some large contention between them and the rest, what with the Thorstons being such an untrustworthy people, all of them responsible for handling all of Berks honored dead.

You couldn’t help but to find them odd.

It was nearly imperceptible at first, moving in time with your own step. Somehow, even after you stilled, the sound of footsteps did not. Sound traveled throughout the caves. It always had. It still did, peeling like the tinny creaking of wood, the deep groaning of a hollow belly. 

There was something small blinking in the darkness, shifting. 

It did not carry the awful sound of claw scraping against stone nor the sound of ever-spinning teeth and rapidly crumbling rock. It could be nothing but a man. And yet, your grip on the handle of your axe tightened.

Was it one of the Thorstons? The bulk of them spent most of their time enacting burials and spent even more time wandering in old crypts and tombs, skulking in all the great tunnels underneath Berk. The outer fringes of them and those too young to lurk so long underground spent their time wreaking havoc along the surface. It was perhaps the still air and the rotting must that must have led to their insanity and all their asinine behavior- at least, that’s what many supposed, mostly in the times they could be the least heard. It could have been merely a rumor. 

You stood stiff and grit your teeth as that small prick of light in the dark grew larger. You’d not let anyone get the jump on you, as the Thorstons tended to do to most unlucky wanderers. Admittedly, the darkness did something to foster uneasiness, to prickly something deep around your bones, where feeling was strongest.

One set of twins from the Thorston house had nearly undergone the same year of dragon-training, their father eager to be rid of them despite the fact that they were much too young for the art of battle. They had been there for a day.

Fortunately, they had been held by the laces of their waist-wraps by their mother, who pleaded to her husband for more time to let them grow and mellow- the arena was no place for baby-sitting. They had only become more reckless, something wild seeded in small hearts during that one terrifying day. They were not the sort to turn your back to- they were the sort to beat on, if you had to.

You waited, watching as soft form emerged from the darkness, a metal lantern handle grasped in one hand. It was dangerous wandering off the path with such a tiny, weak flame- she’d need more fuel soon, a new candle to keep the way lit.

It was Hilde, older sister of Fredis and daughter to Olfson Bonde. Hilde was a shy girl around your age, very clearly Ingerman, though she lacked the sharper drive and ambition for knowledge. 

Her eyes remained trained on the ground just up until the moment she reached the end of the tunnel.

“Ah,” She began timidly. It was hard to tell in the darkness, but the area just under her eyes was slightly extruded, the sides of her face looking wet and sore. She’d been crying; she was also an idiot, walking around without a weapon so deep in the tombs. 

“Off to hit the books, then?” You asked gruffly. You didn’t relax, though some of the tenseness in your arms didn’t feel as strong as it had before. 

“Ah-uhm-” She started, looking downwards.

On we go. You didn’t wait for her to finish before you turned again and started walking. Tension melted its way down your back as you kept going, though the awareness never left. 

The world grew a slight bit lighter.

It was not the natural sort of light- it was just as artificial as most of what had preceded it. Still, it marked an end. Through the darkness and past hazy grays, something else emerged- large and only just lighter than the darkness curling around you, sanded and carved and knotted at the borders in a way that made it seem as if, by some miracle of the Gods, it had merely grown from the dead rock around it.

Setting your shoulders and adjusting your burden, you headed straight ahead, reaching out and pressing a flat palm against a wide wooden door.

You turned and heaved, pushing inwards, feeling just as much give as you felt anything work in protest. You usually wouldn’t open it any more than a crack. It was a waste to press the doors open all the way, knowing that once they hit the inner walls you’d have to go about pressing them back into place.

It wasn’t just you this time, though. There was Hilde here, too.

They were heavy doors. You would have appreciated some help. It was a pity you got none. 

Generally a teary girl, she waited and wrung her hands as you finally felt the door jerk one last time before swinging open wide enough to come to a stop just before the wall.

She’d been the same way all throughout Dragon Training, just sitting around and waiting for help.

You ground your teeth.

Inside, the narrow cave walls opened up wide to reveal a hollow cavern. There was an insurmountable number of old books mounted along wooden shelves embedded into the library’s walls. It had two layers, connected by a thin wooden staircase, shelves and railings made up of a deep, dark colored wood, knobs and thick balustrade carved with a level of craftsmanship you were hard pressed to find even half-matched anywhere else on Berk.

It was much lower than it was wide, walkable enough not to pose an issue and yet with enough space to require nearly an impossible amount of care for each and every tome. Many had fallen into disrepair, not at all because of some lack of love. It was a shame that no one on Berk really read.

The only threat down here besides that of man was the threat of Whispering Deaths. While rare, they were a danger enough to have you with an axe at all times. 

The excitement was enough to nearly have you anticipating it; a risky fight to the death, a book well-read- the first rarely happened, but, well, what was the difference, really?

-

You walked past dusty shelves, not quite touching them but remembering what it felt to graze your fingers against smooth wood. 

Reading was a pastime of yours. Books of fiction were rare and valued; eddas, poems and sometimes the new, odd tale were snuck in onto the shelves by some wily author. Most of the texts here, however, were purely practical; How to fight, what to forage and how to forage it, records, the works.

You wondered if, one day, your small little cookbook might end up on the wall; if someone had picked it up, stolen it away, hoarded it for themselves- very unlikely, as you’d lost it deep in the woods. It had been a rainy, muddy day then.

You heard some shuffling from beyond the shelves, not unlike the twitching and twittering of mice. It was also something like fabric- and most probably none of your business. 

“-Got no fuel.” You caught the end of it, something old and gruff and rasping. 

It was a bastard from Ingerman house whose father was a meathead who managed the old tomes. He couldn’t ever have been accepted anywhere decent, hidden away in the darkness with knobbly fingers and knees, old wrinkling skin and a long mustache. 

He managed all the books sequestered away in the bowels of the Great Hall -who had them and otherwise- past winding passages and other things. 

“Oh, but it’s awfully frightening, isn’t it?” She pleaded. Your eyes threatened to roll at the sound of her voice, “If you’ve got just some to spare-?”

You weren’t sure exactly how long you’d been under the mountain, but it was still well lit. You knew that the Librarian replaced the candles inside the Library once every day in the mornings, which was a very sordid and lengthy affair. 

It took them until half a day to flicker out one-by-one down the library halls, so it couldn’t have been any later than midday- she’d have no need of any fuel unless she wanted to wander off the paths, but that was both her own prerogative; her own sordid responsibility to bear and to prepare for.

“You’ll have to settle like the rest of ‘em. With the…” He grunted, looking quite intensely annoyed, pale eyes flickering, “Torches.” 

It was very likely he had none he was, well, willing to spare. You knew he usually kept some for himself back behind the desk. 

You also knew he’d be able to make his way up from the Library’s belly in the pitch darkness. It was something about his nearly milky white eyes that guranteed it, you were sure. It was for that same reason he kept the passageways dim- the brights were painful to look at and he had all the passageways memorized just fine anyways.

“But-but-”

“Get on!” He said suddenly and quite loudly, seeming as if, in that moment, Hilde had worn out all his goodwill, “Always-Always-Always! Always takin’ my pens, my paper- not my candles! Stay away from my candles!”

”-But I need them.”

“And you’ll need my helmet too, then, won’t you?! Should I jus’ give any ol’ one of yeh's my worldy possessions any time you ask, eh?!”

Hidle yelped in response, sounding quite pitiful, shooting him a glance that was both wounded and offended.

Privately, you would admit that you didn’t think too highly of him either. Of course, it was the folly of anyone who thought themselves better to always fall in last and neither his complaints or musings had ever reached past the surface level.  

As the sole carer of all the books and tomes sitting under Berk, his superiority complex devalued the arts he loved so much in the eyes of all. You didn’t mind all of it most times though, most particularly because his biases made him quite easy to please.

You didn’t mind them much. You had your own set-up to tend to- some kindly pile of books and scrolls settled atop an old brown table. 

You let a thin, wooden container fall from your hands with an easy tap, the sound muffled by the layers of parchment already darning the tabletop. Your fingertips grazed lightly over the frayed, burned edges of a book, giving it one last once-over before you closed it with gentle hands, pulling out a chair with your ankle. It hooked around one leg as you settled back down, tucking yourself in quite nicely. 

In the records, you found nothing besides the usual discrepancies. You had very little to work with, but, well if you’d really cared for the conflict, you would have stayed by the Chief.

The Jorgenson head was a bastard child. A man from the Haddock clan, now long deceased -an uncle of your betrothed’s father- had bedded one of the Jorgenson’s women, their affair just barely hidden under the dark of night and only a thin guise of secrecy. She had been the sister of the head or a cousin or some other such thing. 

If the stories were to be believed, the Jorgensons had already been most prone to things like preening and blustering and roaring. With the birth of Spitelout’s son, who was spoilt and bulky and reckless as the rest of them, their wild behavior had only gotten worse. The reports told you so.

 You had to do some reading between the lines, eyeing records of birth and some council scribblings, which hadn’t at all been particularly well-taken. To your benefit, the families kept their most important records to themselves.

You frowned with some displeasure, holding back a displeased sigh, cloth shuffling over wood by your side.

You hadn’t been snuck up on- it was quite the opposite. You were much too aware of her as she settled beside you, fidgety. 

You didn’t grace her with a glance and yet you could tell she was watching you anyways. It was the force of her eyes that had done it; eyes that felt like the legs of a million pairs, all belonging to one long, buggy body. You felt that it annoyed you perhaps even more so than it had annoyed the librarian. 

You knew she was hoping to come up with you. Unfortunately for her, if there was one thing you loathed even more than petty arguments, it was company... Hers most of all.

She was plushy and gentle in nature as if she’d been born to be a mother, yet at merely enough winters to match Arne, she was surely unready to bear the life, her thoughts still too malleable, mind easily swept away by the currents of strong personality and opinion. 

She knew not so much of diction or lawspeak, having lived a life pressured to show loyalty to a clan she’d probably never once been considered by. She was naught but a small, carved piece, moved by the unfeeling, gargantuan hand of her ancestors’ player in this very large game. 

Some might have considered her a good wife or a kind companion- you thought her a pest.

“Take your hands off the tome.” You snipped roughly at the sound of shifting leather, “You’ll dirty it.”

Truthfully, some parts of the dragon are edible. 

Dragons can be prepared during times when too much food has been stolen and the air is tense. To its detriment, the meat is difficult to harvest, tough and light with little substance- at worst, it can make even the most hardy Viking easily sick, and at best, it makes great efforts to steal space in the stomach preferably used to harbor better things.

While most find it distasteful, for some, it can make quite the decent traditional meal-

You read the same line over and over, furrowing your brows as Hilde’s harassment of the librarian became her harassment of you.

“He likes Bjorner an awful lot,” Hidle said reservedly, displeased. 

You raised a brow, slightly surprised as you flipped pages- the Librarians didn’t seem to be the type to dish out praise to anyone. Bjorner didn’t seem to be the type to enjoy such pastimes, either.

She shifted in her seat again, brushing against the loose ends of scrolls and papers peeking over the side of the desk.

“What is it?” You asked suddenly, irritatedly.

“It’s-“ she started, quite timidly, “it’s a bit about wood. Some land. We lost the deed- a deed. It was- it was damaged in the raid.”

You rolled your eyes. ‘We’ was a strong word- she was barely a member of her house. “And you’re getting married in order to secure the land, because someone else’s put a claim on it. Yes?”

“Yes.” Hilde nodded tersely, muttering, “But I- uh, uhm.”

You grunted, returning your gaze back on to your hands.

Things like this happened all the time. Raids were chaotic. It was very easy to steal and to sabotage and to rob. It was a pastime of some people, which you thought to be a poor substitute for the raids of old.

Individual property was very difficult to maintain what with all the burning; it was a generally accepted rule that you got to keep nothing but the men at your back in battle. Power was in the plain and the easily accessible- whoever hoarded those had the most sway. In that sense, your relationships were your most valued possessions, for who else would have a vested interest in protecting your shared goods besides those with a claim?

“What?” You asked incredulously, “You want me to come to the wedding?”

“Ah! No, no, please- my father’s off at sea, so I can't get married now, really, but you-you’re the Chief's girl. You’ve got to be able to do something.” She pleaded, before adding hesitantly, “To stop it.”

“Chief’s girl?” You raised a brow at her.

“Well- well, you will be.”

You wanted to do something again, but you’d exhausted your list of things to roll, ways to excuse her brashness without excusing yourself.

She was deluded if she thought Hiccup was going to be Chief. She was the only one in the world who did. Not even his father himself had ever considered the thought.

Really, you were as much of a Haddock as she wasn’t a Bonde- of course, she would be losing the name soon. Knowing the Jorgensons -and all the clans, really, but they were surely the worst- if it all came to fruition, it would happen as soon as possible. Of course, once it did, she would be with child sooner than not, which would be quite unfortunate. But that was life

She was a few winters older than you- older by three, if you’d cared enough to count, so her partner could be no less than Jorvik. Older brother of Jorunn, a Jorgenson who was also a male of your year.

“Well, he’s handsome- You like him well enough, don’t you?” You asked, looking back down at your tome.

Jorvik was pleasant enough, if not a bit terse.

He had a flowing, short mop of dark hair and a well-muscled body. He was an honorable, avid warrior, and did very well during the raids though he cared not for the matters of the home, so if Hilde was to manage both the home and her in-laws, she would be very sorely alone- they would surely be the pair to be matched. They were the obvious one. He was dashing enough in personality for a Jorgenson if not a bit ugly in face, and so you were sure she’d have had a preference for him anyways.

“I-I-I- But there has to be something.” Hilde exclaimed, blushing blotchily, as if she really did think you might have known how to get out of things like marriage, and promises, and other such obligations. “I-I- Don’t want- I mean, I’ve tried to ad-dress the council-”

“No.” You said tersely. If this waa the one thing she’d ever decided to have a spine about, you’d rather she never have one at all, ever again.

The privilege of having choices- You looked at her, rather unimpressed. You’d never been offered the same courtesy, after all. Why should she be?

“It’s- I’m sure it has to do something with Grom Halfdan and his will, you see.” Hilde continued hesitantly after another moment of silence. “With the, uhm-”

“He keeps his spare candles under the desk, third drawer. You might be able to use it to find- Well, the Librarians keeps a record of all the wills and things, you see.” You suggested to her tersely. “Go off and find it for me, will you?” 

“Oh!” She said, sounding quite pleased with herself. It didn’t take long- she hurriedly moved to comply, pushing away from the table and whisking herself away.

You waited for a moment, until the sound of her shuffling became faint in the dark of the library then quickly picked up your axe and left.

You had no time for clingy, distraught girls.

[shayminlucario07]

Alright fuck it I'm posting it

The following is (I believe?) the first bit of writing I've ever posted online.

Yes, it is Genshin Impact fanfiction. If you're going to say something negative, say it about the writing, not the subject. Don't be an asshole about it.

Anyway, here it is.

***

Kaeya Alberich was in love.

That kind of news would send all of Mondstadt spinning into a frenzy- one of the most eligible bachelors in the City of Freedom, head-over-heels for some mysterious figure. The gossip train would never stop- the people would lose their minds, and never take their attention off of him again. They'd work themselves into a craze, destroying any semblance of order- possibly permanently.

That was why he had to make sure no one would ever find out.

And certainly not because he knew it was unrequited, and that he wasn't worthy of requited love, anyway.

He just wanted to make sure the city stayed in order, to lessen the workload of his fellow knights. That was all.

Self-loathing threatened to eat him alive- a common occurrence, really- but today was far worse than most. So much worse, in fact, that he'd gone to A Cat's Tail to drink, instead of his usual haunt- he didn't want to risk running into Diluc. Not when he was in such a bad state. He didn't need to contemplate jumping off the statue of Barbatos again.

The last time he'd done so, he'd stood on the statue's head, staring down. It was so late, so dark, that no one would even see him- and yet, just when he was about to take that jump, Sister Rosaria's voice broke the roaring silence in his mind. She talked him down from the edge, as she'd done for him so many times over the years- and as he'd done for her. They owed each other their lives more times than they could count, and trusted each other more than anyone.

He'd considered inviting her to drink with him. Telling her everything. She was the only one he'd be comfortable saying it to- he was comfortable with anything when it came to Rosaria. Always had been. She was the only person who had seen him drunk- really, truly drunk- and she'd undoubtedly seen him naked more than anyone else. They'd changed in front of each other, bathed in front of each other- they'd even hooked up with people in the same room. Hell, they had hooked up some nights, when neither of them had felt like sleeping with strangers. Nothing was uncomfortable between them.

But he didn't think he could talk about this yet- not even with her. Because how could he even put it into words? The feeling wouldn't let him. He thought about it, and all capacity for coherence left him. It was the most beautiful moment of his life. He'd heard that haunting, beautiful sound, and knew- he'd felt it instantly. He was ensnared from that alone, and he'd never be free. Without even thinking, he'd followed that sound. Into Dragonspine. He didn't even feel the biting cold- didn't feel the snow crunching beneath his shoes, or the cold wind blowing over his chest. There was only that Siren's Song- and then, her.

She stood at the water's edge, facing away from him. She held a bone whistle to her lips, its song- its beautiful, ensorcelling melody- echoing off the mountain, until Dragonspine itself seemed to sing to her, the notes carrying on the wind like the seeds of a Dandelion. Barbatos' work, no doubt- blessed archon, for granting him the chance to see such a wondrous scene. And then, she started to dance, and he felt his heart stop.

The dance was one he'd seen before, at midnight galas at the Dawn Winery. He knew every step- from his time with Master Crepus, and even before- and he'd danced it himself with many a faceless partner. But he'd never seen it like this.

The dance was measured, precise, controlled- but she moved with a grace he'd never seen. Every step a flowing, rolling whirl, as fluid as the ocean waves- and just as mesmerizing. An invisible partner in hand, she danced, as though she was the only thing in the world- as though the cosmos itself danced around her. And then-

She spun. And spun. She spun until he was sure she'd fall over, until he was sure her balance had been destroyed forever- and she didn't stop. She spun in place, and then she began to move, still spinning, still so maddeningly fast. And she spun, and danced, onto the surface of the water itself.

It froze beneath her feet, unfreezing as soon as her foot lifted. It was only a few moments, before she circled back again, setting foot on dry land once more- but he saw every moment, and knew he'd never forget it. And finally, her dance came to a close, the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, over, just like that. He'd have done anything to have it go on forever.

And when she finally danced her last step, she faced him, eyes closed, as they had been the whole dance. Her face was perfectly passive, as though nothing remarkable had happened at all. And she slowly, painfully slowly, opened her eyes. Her beautiful, soul-binding violet-and-gold eyes. And met his. Looked into his eyes- his soul- deeper than anyone else could. And he stood, simply watching, staring, as she turned and walked away, as though nothing had even happened.

But her dance, her face, her eyes- they haunted him for the rest of the day. The cold, winter mountain wind seemed to sing her name, the only word he could even understand.

Eula.