#like looking at posts about my actual life at the time? ew gross hate that no

[elisedonut]

Me posting every silly little Percy thought that pops in my head because I know in three years I'll come back and look at them like this:

I've been into fandom stuff for a long time but a few years ago decided to be more active in fandoms I like and even now looking at those old posts and accounts makes my very happy like I still have posts on fb from when I was like 14 talking about vocaloid and its just what i imagine reading a diary is like when you were actually happy with your life it's a nice feeling and I recommend everyone to do it

[me-loving-woso]

Monthly visits.

Prompt: Honestly? I don’t know what this is, nor I know if it’s any good. The idea came from one of my midnight delusions when I think about stuff to write. Is this a kid fic? Yes? Kinda. Most probably. Do I care? No. Will there be sequels about it? Most probably. I still don’t know. Probably the sequels will feature more Alexia, but for now, you have to endure this 7.4k Drabble.

Actual prompt: In one of your monthly visits to a children’s hospital you meet Ava, she is going to change your life completely.

It was a hectic day for you in Barcelona today. Every month, whenever you had a day off, you would go to the local children’s hospital to support children with Leukaemia. Your younger brother had the same condition, so it has always been an important topic for you to support. 

Every month you tried to convince one of your teammates, or from the girl’s team or the boys, to go with you. Usually, the children would go crazy if you brought them Pedri or Gavi. They would sign autographs and shirts and sometimes even get a ball and show off some of their tricks. When the club found out about this, they wanted to set up interviews and shootings in which they would broadcast or post your visits with them on social media, but you always said no. You liked this to be kept quiet, to not stress the kids, and not bring unwanted attention towards them; you weren’t there for the money, but just to give happiness to anyone you could. 

You knew you weren’t the most famous athlete in the club, especially when you had the likes of Lewandowski, Pedri, and Gavi. On the girl’s side, you played for one of the most famous women’s soccer clubs and was one of the captains; well, if Alexia and Marta wouldn’t play in a game, which wasn’t very probable. But still, Alexia and Mapi were more famous than you; therefore, the children they tend to want their jerseys to be signed by them, but occasionally, some would recognize you, and you were delighted in signing and taking pictures or carefully playing with them whenever they wanted to. 

You tried not to get too attached to the kids as you knew that they still had a deadly illness. Initially, it was hard, especially when you asked a nurse about a kid, and they would just give you a sad look. You would come home from the day and lay in your bed, absently trying to make sense of it. You hated seeing children suffer. 

But there was a girl you met 5 months ago; she was brilliant but also a little prick. Her name was Ava. The first month you saw her, you brought with you Pedri. He was like a little brother to you, you got along great, and he was great with kids. 

You went into her room, she was super excited to meet you both that she even asked for a double autograph. At first, you were confused by the request, but then you figured that the second autograph would be for a friend or a family member. So you went on normally with your day. The kids were all happy, you played Fifa with them and then, when it was time to leave, you decided to say goodbye to all of them. As you entered Ava’s room, you saw her working on something with her computer. As soon as she saw you, she shut it down very quickly. 

“What are you doing?” You smile, walking to her. You were curious as to what she was doing. She was eight, so you knew that whatever it was, it was going to be something funny.

“Nothing!” She says quickly, hiding her computer behind her back.

You started to gently tickle her sides, conscious of her weak state. She started laughing, but soon you stopped and got her computer.

“If you open it, I will cry, and you will never come here ever again!” She threatens me, pouting.

“Why don’t you want to show it to me? Is it a secret boyfriend?” You smirk suggestively.

“No! Ew! Boys are gross!” She exclaims disgusted.

“I agree with you.” You say. “Boys are gross.”

“You can’t see it! It’s - It’s a secret.” She says, trying to grab the computer from you.

“Oh, come on! I’ll tell you one of my secrets if you tell me.” You try to convince her.

“Okay, but promise me that you won’t get mad.”

“Pinky promise.” You say, putting up your pinky and waiting for her to do the same.

You slowly open the screen and see a tab with eBay. She posted one of the two autographs she received today, with a picture of you and Pedri signing it. You start laughing and looking at her, amused.

“You sneaky little child! You are selling them?” You chuckle.

She crossed her arms unamused and replied as if it was the most obvious thing, “One is for me, and one is to sell.”

You look at her with a questioning look.

“My sister told me that I can’t buy too many books and video games because they are too expensive, so I buy them myself.”

“You are a little businesswoman.”

“Shh, you can’t tell anyone, especially my sister. She would get so mad. She hates it when I do this kind of stuff!”

“Your secret is safe with me.” 

“Pinky promise?”

“Again?” You chuckle.

“Yes.” So you promise, then you stand up from the side of her bed and are about to leave when she asks, “Will you come back?”

“I come every month,” You say, turning around to face the little girl.

“If I’m already better, can I come here just to see you?” She asks shyly, hiding her mouth with her hands.

“Of course, you can!” You say goodbye to her and leave the hospital, waiting for Pedro. When you see him, you both get in the car.

“You know, today, I saw Ava again, and I saw her selling our autographs on the internet.” You laugh.

“That girl is sneaky!” He replies. 

“She even insisted and made me promise not to say anything to anybody.”

Over the next three months, whenever you saw her, you would wink at her and make whoever was with you that day sign a double autograph for her. Then when you finished staring with the other kids, you would go into her room, and you guys would talk and play with cards. You would always question why she would never talk about her parents but only about her bigger sister and how great she was. You weren’t expecting her to be sixteen when you finally meet her. Her name was Lucia. You saw her as you were about to say goodbye to Ava. You went into her room, but she was already asleep, and Lucia was sitting on a chair next to her.

You thought both girls were sleeping, so you quietly left the room, but as you were about to close the door, you heard a quiet whisper.

“You must be y/n.” She states, rather than asking. She stands up and walks to you. 

“Yes, that’s me. Are you Ava’s sister?”

“You know, she always talks about you.” She says, whispering and closing the room behind her.

“She always talks to me about you.” You say. “I think that as of right now, I know more about you than myself.” You try to joke, but she doesn’t laugh, leaving an awkward silence between you. Making you notice how tired she looks, as if she hadn’t slept in a long while.

“Do you want a cup of tea or coffee?” You offer.

“Nah, don’t worry.” She shrugs.

“Come on, I’ll pay for it. Five minutes, then I’ll get out of your hair.”

She slowly nods and then follows you to the cafeteria, which is open 24/7. Thankfully there was nobody there, so you could sit in peace.

You follow her as she sits down at a table, and then she breaks the silence.

“Why are you helping her?” She whispers.

“What?” 

“Listen, I don’t know your intentions here, but she is really getting attached to you, and whenever you are done with these ‘trips’ to the hospital for the kids, she will suffer from it, and I don’t want that.”

“What are yo-“

“She has already lost so many people in her life; she doesn’t need another one.”

“Your parents are not in the picture anymore, right?” You ask. 

She slowly nods. “It’s just me and her for now.”

“Where are you guys staying?”

“As you know, she is staying at the hospital.” She says as if she is stating the obvious.

“You?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Listen, I know what it’s like to be in this situation; let me-”

“No, you don’t know that!” She says defensively.

“Ten years ago, I was you.” You slowly explain. “My brother, Nico, had Leukaemia, and I was in the same position as you. I was just a little bit older and could work. My parents didn’t give a shit about us. They said it was too much work to take care of Nico and wanted me out of the house because I was a footballer and gay. I didn’t have a support system. I was the support system.”

You take a deep breath and then continue. “Fortunately, I had a job, so I was able to take care of Nico and I, but not everyone is that lucky.”

“So you are saying that you feel bad for us?” She asks rhetorically, standing up from her chair, ready to leave.

“No, I don’t. When I started these ‘trips,’ as you say, five years ago, I told myself that I would never get too attached to any of the patients. But then I met Ava, and she is so smart and also a little sneaky, I grew fond of her.” You give her a light smile and continue.

“I know that the money she gets from selling autographs, t-shirts, and stuff, isn’t for buying books and video games, as she says, but for you guys to survive. I would love to help in any way. And I know that you probably won’t trust me. I wouldn’t trust a stranger either.”

Lucia sits again and looks at the table, playing with her drink. Looking almost guilty, as if you found out about a secret no one was supposed to know.

“I can’t do this anymore.” She barely utters, breaking the cold and defensive mask that she put on with you.

You slowly take her wrist, trying to reassure her. “You are stronger than you think.”

“I’m just so tired. She deserves better than me. She deserves a whole family. A better support system, and instead, she got stuck with me. I still need to finish school. I don’t have a paying job; how will we go through this?” She starts to silently sob. Hearing her cries breaks your heart; you stand up and circle around the table to hug her.

“You are already doing a great job. Ava is so proud and thankful for you. You are already doing the best you can, which is more than enough.”

She removes herself from the hug. And you continue, “Where are you staying? Not Ava, but you.”

“I’m staying during the night at a local women’s shelter. I know it’s not ideal, but it’s the best option.” She says shyly.

You couldn’t let her get back there. 

“Come to my home with me. We have a spare bedroom, food, and whatever you need.”

She takes two steps back. “No no. You are already doing more than enough for us. This is too much.”

“Let me help you. You won’t leave her for too long. You need to rest too, so you can be there for her. Come on, go get your stuff. I’ll wait for you here.” 

She just nods and goes to her sister’s room.

In the meantime, you text your girlfriend Alexia that Lucia will stay at your house for the night. After a few minutes, she reappears with a backpack. you exit the hospital and get to the parking lot.

You get inside your car, and she sits beside you. “I live fifteen minutes from here. I hope you are not scared of dogs because you are going to see one.”

“I don’t have a problem with dogs. I didn’t even know you owned one. Ava didn’t tell me anything about that.”

“Well, it’s not technically mine. It’s my girlfriend’s. And you will probably see her too.”

“Is she okay with me staying? Cause if that’s not the case, it’s okay.” She soon rambles.

“Don’t worry, she knows. Most probably, she won’t even know you are there. She is a sleepy head.” You smile, remembering how Alexia would never get out of bed if not for training.

“Is she a footballer too?”

“Yeah, it’s Alexia Putellas. I think you know her.”

“Oh my god! So the rumors are true.”

“Well, we tried to hide it.” You remark, slightly blushing, thinking that you actually hid your relationship well from the media.

“Not that much.” She laughs.

-

As soon as you get home, Alexia greets both of you. 

“Que tal, mi amor?” She hugs you instead of kissing you and then focuses on Lucia.

“You must be Lucia. Hi, my name is Alexia.”

“Yeah, I know who you are. Here in Barcelona, everybody knows you.” She chuckles while your girlfriend blushes lightly.

You take her to your guest room and show her the bathroom. She takes a shower while you go to your kitchen, searching for Alexia. 

You sit on top of the counter and ask her to come closer to you. She finds herself between your legs while you take hold of her shirt. 

“I believe you owe me a kiss.”

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t know if you told her we were together or even if you wanted to kiss me in front of her.”

“Don’t worry, Amorcito.” You cutely rub her nose with yours, then put your finger to your lips, asking her to kiss you. 

She kisses you sweetly, then gives you pecks everywhere on your face. First on the cheeks, then on the nose, on the forehead, and finally on the lips again. You smile at the action. Even though you had been together for three years now, she still managed to make you feel all fuzzy on the inside with even the smallest actions.

When she finished, you hugged her and stayed in her embrace until you heard a door open, and Lucia came down the stairs. 

“Sorry to interrupt you guys.” She says awkwardly. “I just wanted to thank you guys again and say goodnight.” She quickly goes up the stairs, embarrassed to have interrupted something, not letting either of you reply.

“Go to the nena; I’ll get ready for bed.” Alexia encourages you.

You get to the guest room and knock on the door; you hear a faint ‘come in’ so you enter.

“I’m sorry I interrupted you guys.” She says she had her back on the head board, with the covers tucked to the stomach.

“You weren’t interrupting anything.” 

“Thank you for letting me stay today. You really didn’t have to.”

“Nonsense, I’m happy you stayed. Honestly, I really needed some new energy around the house. Don’t tell Alexia, but sometimes living with her it’s like living with a granny.” You joke, earning a laugh from her, while you hear from the other room, “I heard you!” 

“Ooh, she’s mad.” Lucia teases you.

“Nah, don’t worry, I said worse in three years of relationship.” Now turning back to serious, “Listen, I’m really sorry, but tomorrow I have training early tomorrow and-“

“Y/n, just tell me when I have to leave.”

“You can stay until you want; I can call you a taxi or take you to the hospital whenever me or Alexia come back from training.”

“I’ll be out of your hair in no time, don’t worry.”

“I don’t care, honestly. I know reaching out for help is difficult, but here is my phone number; if you need anything, just call me.” You gave her a note with your phone number, then affectionately caressed her cheek. “Good night Lucia.” You close the guest room door, turn off the light, and go to your room.

-

As soon as you enter your room, you are met with your girlfriend, who is cutely pouting on the edge of the bed. “I’m not a granny!”

“Yes, you are! You always go to bed early and make weird faces when you can’t see properly.” You tease her. 

“I’m a footballer!”

“Yes, you are! A pretty darn good one!” You add. While literally pushing her onto the bed and getting on top of her.

“Get off me!” She says, trying to be serious. “I’m still mad at you!” She says while trying to squirm out of your grip. 

“Nope! I’m sorry for calling you a granny. Will you forgive me?”

“Never!” She says, so you begin to tickle her sides. She started laughing while trying to remove your hands from her, but she couldn’t. “Okay, okay, I forgive you! Stop it!” You stop tickling her and get off her going to the bathroom.

You get ready for bed, putting on one of her nike shirts and a pair of soccer shorts, and then you plop on the bed beside Alexia. “Can I have cuddles, Amorcito?” You ask while stretching your arms, opening and closing your hands.

“Si, mi chiqui. Come here.” You put yourself on top of her and begin giving her sweet pecks in the middle of her chest. “No funny business tonight; la nena is sleeping two rooms from us.”

“I wasn’t going to do anything.” You say, continuing while smiling. 

“I’m very proud of you today, Y/n.”

“I’m really sorry if I didn’t tell you beforehand.”

“Look at me.” She says, waiting for you to look at her.

“You did what is right and what everyone should do. Whatever you do, I will always support you.”

You give her a loving kiss on the lips, thanking her for the words. “Next month I’m coming with you. It’s been long overdue, and I want to meet Ava.”

-

The next day you wake up and go to see Lucia; you knock at her door, but she doesn’t reply, so you slowly enter the room. You found all of the bedsheets neatly folded and a note that thanked you for everything. You were a little disappointed, but you knew how difficult it was to trust people and accept help, especially when you are alone. You figured that she probably went to see her sister in the hospital.

-

The following month you finally brought Alexia with you. The kids would always ask you to bring her to the hospital, but unfortunately, she never had the time to do that with her busy schedule. You had already informed the hospital that you would come, and the children were thrilled to do something different rather than always boringly watching tv or reading some children’s book. 

As Alexia greeted all the kids and played and joked with them, you went to see Ava, hoping that you would see Lucia too. You didn’t expect to see everything packed up and the two girls with their backpacks on, ready to go. 

As soon as she saw you, Ava ran up to you, and you lifted her weak body, giving her a hug. “The doctor said I can go home now! I’m not sick anymore!” 

“I’m so happy!” You say while hugging her a little tighter.

“So, who is it today? Who did you bring today?” She asks you excitedly.

“Why don’t you go and find out?” You say, indicating where Alexia is; she quickly squirms out of your embrace, exiting the room and leaving you alone with Lucia. Her eyes stuck to the floor from the moment you opened the door. She wouldn’t look at you.

“I’m really happy that she is finally healthy now,” You say honestly.

“That’s the most important thing.” She agrees weakly, finally looking at you.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling better now that she is better.”

“Where will you guys stay now?”

She hesitates, but then slowly, she starts, “I do-“ 

“Lucia! Look who came today with y/n!” Suddenly Ava came inside the room, dragging Alexia with her.

“Hi, Lucia.” Alexia waves at her, then focus again on Ava. “Y/n, how did you manage to convince Alexia to come here today?” Ava asks you in awe. “She is soo famous and the best player in the whole world!”

“I know! She really wanted to come, though, right?” You say, searching for Alexia’s confirmation. “Yes, of course!” She says, then kneeling in front of the small kid, “Y/n talks a lot about you.” She whispers, “She never talks about you, though,” She remarks, smirking. Alexia puts her hand on her hand, pretending to be offended.

“Who cares? I’m still better than her at football,” She whispers loud enough for you to hear, then sending you a cheeky wink; you react by poking your tongue out at her. This made Alexia earn a laugh from Ava and a chuckle from Lucia. She then drags Alexia out of the room, asking her if she could show her a trick with the ball.

“She’s her favorite player; our dad always brought us to your games.” She says sadly.

“I didn’t know you liked football.”

“I loved football, I even used to play it until a year ago, but now it brings out too many memories, so no football for me for a while.” She chuckles.

“Which position did you play?” 

“Guess.”

“Center back?”

“Nah, striker.”

“Oh wow! I’m sure you were the top scorer in your team.” You nod, surprised.

“I was, I even was called up in La Masia, but my parents wanted me home, and then Ava got sick, so I never was able to go.”

“Oh wow! You were good then!”

“Don’t act too surprised!” She says, teasing you, hitting you on the shoulder.

“I’m not!” You say rubbing where she just hit you “If the circumstances were different, would you have wanted to go?”

“Yes? I guess, I don’t know? I loved football.”

“Not anymore?”

“I haven’t played in so long; I don’t think I even remember how to kick a ball.” She chuckles.

“Well, I guess we have to find out!” You say, while she looks at you puzzled. 

“Come on, go get your stuff.” You say to her while putting your backpack on your shoulders, waiting for her to do the same.

“Where do you want to take me?” She says, looking at you puzzled.

“Don’t you wanna show off your skills?”

“I guess I don’t?”

“Come on, it will be fun!” You try to convince her.

“I don’t have cleats.” She tries to find an excuse.

“What’s your shoe size?”

“39, why?”

“I have the same size. If you want, you can use a spare pair of mine.” You offer.

“Why are you so nice to me?”

“I’m not being nice; this is me trying to show you that you, too, deserve to be happy, and you can have fun even if you think you don’t deserve it.”

“I-I don’t know what to say. I can’t leave her alone in the hospital; that girl has too much energy for a cancer patient.” She jokes.

“I think Alexia is keeping her busy enough. I genuinely think she is trying to steal my girlfriend from me.” She’s still not convinced. “Besides joking, Alexia is really good with kids, and she wouldn’t mind, but if it bothers you, we can bring her with us. Or they can come later on.”

“Oh, definitely, later on, I won’t embarrass myself with Alexia Putellas; I don’t think I could recover from that.”

“Oh, thank you! You know I am too a Barça player, right? And that I was the one that scored the winning goal in the last champions league, right?” You fake being offended.

“Oh, it was merely a tap-in.” She jokes, trying to rile you up. You knew she was joking, but you also knew this was a low blow to your confidence.

“Patri was the real hero in that Final, and I guess it was a tap-in, but it still brought us to the victory; that’s got to be worth something.”

“You know Ava basically woke up the whole floor when you scored that goal; she was so happy.” She smiles at you, quickly reminiscing that memory.

“Well, I can show you that I can score goals that are not tap-ins if you come with me.”

“Let’s see if you can do that!” She challenges you.

“If you win, I will get you two tickets to Camp Nou next year for every match you want to see, but if I win, you will let me help you.” You hesitate to say those words, hoping you wouldn’t push her away.

“Prepare to spend a lot of money because I never give up.” She teases you.

“You have some confidence, pequeña.”

“I’m not small!”

“Come on, go and say goodbye to Ava; we’ll leave in five minutes.”

As she exits the room to find Ava, you wait in there for her when you see your girlfriend appear from the door.

“Ava is wonderful.” She says while taking your hands.

“So wonderful that you would stay with her for another couple of hours?” You try while she gives you a puzzled look.

“What did you do, Y/n?” She asks, removing her hands from yours.

You tuck your arms behind your back, and shyly, you explain. “I’m taking Lucia to the field. Apparently, she played football, so I want her to have fun for a minute.” She doesn’t reply, so you continue, “But if it’s too much, I can bring her with me and Lucia, no problem. I just-“

“You are rambling, mi amor.” She says while grabbing you by the waist, trying to ground you. “You go have fun with her. I will come to the field after so we can play together.” She offers while smiling at you.

You give to get on your tippy toes and give her a small peck on the lips, “Thank you, Amorcito.”

“Just don’t have too much fun without me.” She grins, giving you a forehead kiss. You hear steps coming your way; you turn your head and see Lucia and Ava looking at you.

“You two are disgusting,” Lucia says, giving you guys a disgusted face while you just laugh at her. Ava instead looks at the two of you, trying to understand what the relationship is between the two of you. She looks at you and asks, “Is Alexia your wife?”

You choke on saliva, not expecting that question. After a mild coughing session, you received an annoying look from Alexia and Lucia. 

Not that you didn’t want to marry her because she was the only woman you could see yourself growing old with, but you were just waiting for the right moment to propose. Honestly, you didn’t even know if she wanted to get married, especially to you. 

You reply, “No, no, she is my girlfriend.”

“Wow, how did you land her?” She asks you curiously.

“Why is everybody bullying me today?” You say exasperatedly without even replying to the question. “Lucia, are you ready to go?”

After saying goodbye, you get in the car with Lucia and drive to the training facility.

“So I guess you don’t like the idea of getting married?” Lucia asks, breaking the silence.

“No no, it’s not that. I would love to get married, especially with someone like Alexia; she is incredible and so supportive.” You take a deep breath. “Do you want to know a secret?”

“Wait, are you going to propose?” She asks excitedly.

“I was planning to!”

“Oh my god!”

“Don’t you dare tell her! Or I swear I’ll get mad.” 

“I won’t” She makes the movement of zipping her mouth with her hand and throwing the key away.

-

You get to the training facility a few minutes later; the field is closed, so Lucia looks at you and asks, “If it’s closed, how can we enter?”

“Can you keep another secret?” She nods, and you take out a key and unlock the door. “I was drunk after we had won our first Champions League, I don’t know why, but I decided I wanted the keys to the field, so I convinced Mapi and Patri to help me. Let’s just say that Alexia had to come out and help us because we were too drunk to keep quiet, and she didn’t want me to get in trouble. I got the keys, made two other copies for my accomplices, and slept on the couch for two days, but it was well worth it.” You say proudly.

“You know, when I imagined what you were like, when we would see you on tv or at the stadium, I pictured you differently.” She smiles at you while following you to the changing rooms.

“How did you picture me?” She asked curiously while handing her a spare pair of cleats. 

“They call you the asesina silenciosa for a reason, you know?” While putting on the cleats, she continues, “You are always so cold and precise on the pitch, scoring and assisting in so many games, whereas in real life, you are basically the opposite. You are very nice, and you always try to help everybody, and a literal gay panic in front of Alexia; it’s so funny and very painful to see.”

“She’s just very beautiful and amazing, okay? Leave me alone.” You reply shyly, blushing a little.

“So, are you ready to get your ass beaten?” She asks you jokingly.

“You know that I’m a professional athlete, right? I get paid to play football.”

“Don’t get too cocky, Y/ln.” 

You get on the pitch and begin passing the ball to each other; initially, she was a little rusty, but as soon as she got comfortable with the ball, you knew she had a lot of talent and potential. 

“So favorite player?” You ask her.

“Messi. He’s just way too good and so great to watch.” She answers. “What about you?” 

“All-time favorite, of course, is Messi too, but right now, I really enjoy seeing playing Rodri and De Bruyne.”

After passing the ball to each other and chatting, you begin doing some shooting drills and dribbling. You were shocked, to say the least; she was so good, she dribbled with ease, and her finishing skills were incredible.

The first time she dribbled past you, your ego got scarred for life, but then as time went on, you began cheating a little by holding her shirt or picking her up from the air and moving her whole body away from the ball. She would get mad at you, while you would just laugh it out, but she began to do the same thing to you after a while. By the end, you were laughing on the ground, trying to catch your breath. 

As you both calmed down, she began talking. “I really missed it.” 

“Playing football?”

“Yes, and having fun. You know, I couldn’t even touch a ball after our parents left us; my dad was the one that loved soccer and Barcelona maybe more than anything, probably more than his family. I tried playing soccer to make him proud of me so that maybe he could see and pay attention to me, but I guess it wasn’t enough. After Ava was diagnosed with Leukaemia, they told me they would have to go on a ‘work trip,’ but they never returned. And I stopped playing football.”

“I hope that this didn’t bring back bad memories. I know how it feels when you think you are not good enough, but if it helps, you are a great kid, Lucia. In these last months, you have proven yourself to be more than enough for Ava and your parents. Any parent would be proud of what you did for Ava; not everyone is capable of that or willing to do it. You have proved everyone wrong. You couldn’t be more proud of yourself.” 

“Thank you, I really needed to hear that.” She breaks down crying. 

“Come here.” You say to her while gently holding her while she cries. “Let it all out; I’m here for you.” After a few minutes, she stops; you keep hugging her, waiting for her to let go of you, when you hear a car arrive. “Your sister is here. Do you want me to come with you to freshen up?”

“No, no. I can go alone; just tell them I went to the bathroom.” She informs you. 

“Will do, captain.” You say, giving her the military salute; she replies with a surprised chuckle and a ‘you’re so weird.’ 

As Alexia gets inside the pitch, you see Ava running towards you, giving you a crushing hug that makes you stumble from your sitting position on the grass to falling to your back on the ground. 

“How did it go with Alexia? Did she behave well?” You ask the little girl.

“We stayed at the hospital, we played games and I pranked a nurse!” You hear the voice of Lucia from behind you, so you tell her sister to go to her and cheer her up. As she walks to her sister, Alexia sits next to you, and you turn to her.

“You are really good with kids.” She remarks.

“You too, you know. Would you ever want kids?” You ask her.

“I never thought about it, but I think it would be something I would like with you.”

“I think I need to help them. They deserve to have a house and a support system. Lucia is so smart and kind, and fierce. While, Ava is so full of energy, funny, and sneaky.”

“I love you, Y/n, and even though this is too early and I still haven’t fully processed every-“

“It’s too much for you. I get it. But they’ll be on the streets if I don’t help them. You must understand why I’m doing this, but I can’t do this without you.”

“We’ve been by each other’s sides for years; you think I’m gonna leave now? If you’d let me finish, Y/n, I would have told you to do it. I will always support you, and I kinda got attached to the Nena. So go through with it; you have my full support.”

“If it actually happens, our lives are going to change drastically, would you be ready for that?”

“I got you all for myself for three years; it’s time to expand our little family. Of course if they want to. Don’t push too hard; she is still scarred and scared to trust again. Be cautious.”

“I don’t know how I got so lucky.” You say beaming at her.

“I’m the lucky one.” She smiles while gently rubbing my thigh and then standing up. 

She goes to Lucia and asks her if she wants to play some football with her; she is hesitant at first, but after a bit of convincing from you and Alexia, she eventually decides to play with her, but you know that she is holding back. 

Alexia knew that something was wrong. Hence, she took the ball into her hands,  and stopped the little competition that they were doing, “I’m not made of glass; you can play harder on me, you know.” She offers.

Lucia throws her hands in the air, “I’m not going to be the reason why La Reina got injured again.”

“I’m taller and stronger than you; you won’t injure me.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, I’m sure.” She chuckles while they return to playing, Lucia clearly getting more physical. 

You laughed at their interaction and how Lucia worried about hurting Alexia;.while Alexia just wanted to have fun. After a while of playing, Alexia turned her head to you, mouthing the words “She’s good”, you respond by nodding approvingly, shifting your focus on the little child next to you, who at the moment was very quiet.

“Did you get your autograph from Alexia?” You ask her, trying to break the silence.

She slowly nods, still looking at her sister, then turns to you. “Yes, only one, though.”

“You didn’t want one for you?”

“No, I only got one for me; I didn’t want to sell hers.” You see her softly yawn, trying to keep open her eyes.

“Did you have fun today?” 

She nods, then looks again at her sister, who was trying to dribble past Alexia, “I hadn’t seen her that happy since before I got sick.” She smiles like a proud sister, showing signs of her tiredness again.

“Are you tired?” You ask her.

“No.” She says defensively while crossing her arms, yawning again. You chuckle at her, finding it adorable how she tries to hide how much she wants to sleep. 

“Yes, you are!” You say, poking her side. “You can nap if you want; I’ll watch out for your sister for you.” You offer.

She slowly nods and then moves near you; you didn’t expect her to sit between your legs, curling on your chest. You were shocked; you didn’t know what to do, so you just put your hands on her tiny body and rubbed her back. “You’re comfier than the grass.” She says, dozing off to sleep. You kiss the top of her head and then whisper, “Go to sleep, Nena.” And she did. 

You were physically in a very weird position, as you knew that you would be getting cramps in a couple of minutes, while mentally, you couldn’t nor remember the instance of ten years ago when you were holding your brother in the same position you were with Ava. She reminded you of Nico, both of them had the same personality and were too smart for their age.

Trying to get more comfortable, you slowly sink to the ground from your sitting position. At the same time, Ava gently stirs, repositioning herself, fisting your shirt with her tiny hand, not wanting you to let go, even though you wouldn’t go for the world. After a few minutes, you doze off and get woken up by a light caress on your cheek. You slowly open your eyes, Ava is still sleeping soundly, and on your side, Alexia is waiting for you to wake up.

“Mi Chiqui is getting dark outside; we need to leave.” You slowly get up, still Ava in your arms, spoiler alert: you couldn’t feel your arms and back anymore. She gently stirs awake, “Shhh, go back to sleep.” You whisper to her, still rubbing her tiny back. She was so small for a six-year-old.

You see Lucia, she was taking your cleats off her feet; putting on her shoes again. You give Ava to Alexia, and then you walk up to her. “I’m sorry she had to sleep on you; I-I was just too caught up playing that I didn’t even notice she was tired. I’m really sorry.” She tries to explain.

“Hey, don’t apologize; you were having fun, and she was just tired after a long day. And now look! She stole my girlfriend again.” You say sincerely while trying to joke in the last part, pointing at Alexia, who was rocking Ava in her arms, showing off one of her big smiles reserved for children and for the people she loves. 

Then you turn to her and ask her, “Are you hungry?”

“Oh yeah, I’m starving. I haven’t run that much in months.” Then she backtracks. “Oh, wait. I knew what you were doing; you are trying to manipulate me into eating with you guys.” She asks, clearly understanding your intentions.

“Manipulate is a big word, isn’t it? I guess you can call it offering to eat something with us?”

“Nah, the right word is definitely manipulate or gaslight.” She remarks.

“Well, do you want to come with us?”

“I don’t know; I must get her to bed.”

“Where are you guys staying, if I can ask?”

“You already know the answer. And don’t you dare ask me to stay with you. That is too much, and I wouldn’t know how to repay you. I can deal with everything on my own.”

You knew she wouldn’t budge on that one, but you had to give it to her; she knew your actions before you said anything.

“Why don’t we just eat something and figure everything out later?” You offer. 

-

So you did that; you brought Lucia and Ava into your home, ordered take-out, and put on a movie to watch. Alexia and Ava were petting Nala, which in the beginning, the little dog hid in your room, but progressively through the night, she slowly got accustomed to the new people and gladly accepted the cuddles that the younger girl had given her.

The scene that was before your eyes oddly felt really domestic. Most nights with Alexia, if they weren’t spent out with friends, would include snuggling on the couch and relaxing; the only difference was that there were two new other people now. 

You tried not to get too attached to them and tried not to act as a parent but more like someone that could help. They already had parents, and you for sure didn’t want to replace them. You just wanted to give the help you weren’t given when it happened to you, so if some food and a roof were needed, you wouldn’t hesitate to share that and maybe a little love here and there. 

Ava was asleep, and Alexia was about to, so you tried to get the attention of Lucia so you could talk to her. You went outside on the porch with her so you wouldn’t disturb Ava from her much-needed sleep. 

“Thank you for today, I really appreciated everything you did for us, but I think we have to get going.”

“You can always stay here.” You offer while she tries to dissuade you. “Listen, if it’s a problem to stay with us, I can book you a hotel room, but please let me help you find accommodation. I would love for you to stay until you find a better place. Ava can start school, while you could go and play in La Masia, or finish school and go to university, or both, whichever you prefer.And I know I’m not your mother, nor your relative, I’m just a stranger, but it wouldn’t sit well with me to let you guys leave somewhere that maybe it’s not even safe.”

“I don’t want to be a burden. And you don’t owe me anything.” She scratches her forehead, thinking, “Why are you even doing this?”

“What?”

“Why are you helping us?” 

“Honestly? I don’t know. I just know that I would love to help you in every way you let me. And you can always tell me to fuck off. But I hope you don’t” She chuckles, and for the first. The time she looks at you. “So what do you think?”

She remained silent for a while, while you patiently waited for her to reply, hoping it would be a positive answer. “Only until I can find a better solution for us. Plus, Ava already loves it here and loves you. When she saw you for the first time, she kept gushing about you and how you were her second favorite player, the first being Alexia” You chuckle. “And maybe living in a real house is better than waiting for social workers to find another accommodation.” She shyly adds. “I think you should ask Alexia if it’s okay for her too; I don’t want to get in the middle of you too.”

“She’s okay with it. She loves kids, and believe me, in a matter of days, she’s going to turn all protective, especially with Ava; she always had a soft spot for kids. As for the social workers, let me handle it, okay? I’ll try my best to make it as quick as possible.” She slowly nods and whispers a ‘thank you,’ taking you by surprise and hugging you. It took you a second to react, but soon you tightened the embrace, waiting for her to leave it.

“Probably, it’s going to be much of a burden for you rather than us.” You chuckle, “When our friends and Alexia’s family and my brother find out that we have two new people in our home, they’ll want to meet you. But I’ll take care of it.” You explain.

She removes herself from your embrace and looks at you. “Can I come to your games too? I miss being at the stadium.” She asks shyly.

“Oh, you must!” Your jokes. “I expect you to come every week with my jersey on.” You grin, pointing at her.

“We’ll see about that. I also like some other players in the squad, like Mapi Leon or Caroline Graham Hansen.” She playfully smirks.

“Then I don’t think I can give you any tickets.” You fake being offended. “Now go to your sister and take her to bed.” You grin, winking at her.

“Yeah, yeah. Thank you y/n.”

[cerealmonster15]

a bit of both- I was too scared to go off anon cuz I would've been embarrassed if I was wrong 😭

They INVENTED divorce. You get it.

And I DONT MIND YOUR THOUGHRS ARE SO SILLY!! pls invitation to come back on stage and scream about the guys ever 🥺

ksjdlfdsklfj I Understand 🙏 i hope it is ok that i took this message as an excuse to Continue Going Wild

head empty only tiny guy doodles now

while i was doodling i remembered ruggie and silver both have a vignette with jade where Food Is Involved... im obsessed w/the one where jade gives his mushrooms to the cafeteria bc azul and floyd banished them, and silver has them the next day and is like This Is The Best Risotto Ive Ever Had In My Life. and jades just watching him like 👁️👁️ and theres the one where ruggie accidentally takes jades ingredients and is like OH SHIT DONT KILL ME here i'll teach you a cool recipe!!!! i love how often these boys bond over food actually.... ruggie helped kalim cook in another vignette... jade and kalim talked about tea [and then jade died bc kalim uses too much sugar LOL]

more rambling and screen shots i have to go bonkers or i will die

oh my god and the second tsum event. theres the cutest little rythmatic of jamil kalim floyd and azul in the kitchen with tsums 😭😭😭 i want the second years to have a potluck........

ALSO i love in the first volume of the twst anthology, chapter 13 where it basically turns into the second years coming together and trying to help silver stay awake and hanging out EXCEPT THE FISH ARE NNNNOT INVITED!!! or like. theyre just not in that story fdslkjfds and jamil just shows up at the end..

KALIM'S SO CUTE HE'S SOOOO EXCITED He just JUMPS IN like OH DID SOMEONE SAY FRIENDSHIP STUDY GROUP???????

also

why did he do that. he was talking about riddle and they literally got riddle involved bc ruggie suggested it but here's the thing!!! silver is the one that needed notes bc he fell asleep. kalim joined up and was like lets study together and have a feast!! so ruggies like oh hell yea im in it for the food. why did he decide riddle needed to be there 🤔 i mean maybe he did actually want to study and/or didnt wanna be the one suckered into leading the study session LOL but. i think it kinda just looks like he wants to hang out with riddle jflsjeklkj like he literally later says "but im here for the feast" so WHY did you get RULES ABIDING RIDDLE involved HMMM??? watching you ruggie bucchi.

theyre literally SO cute i LOVE the anthology mangas SO MUCH and i really wish they'd make a third one!!!

god i actually. forgot a lot about this one LOL there's a lot of cute moments w/them 😭

ALSO now that im at my computer i could search better and i FOUND THE POST where i talked endlessly about riddle/floyd. i still stand by all of that. and theres cute anthology moments in there too.

third year divorce jumpscare while im in the anthologies

i love them theyre so fucking funny. also why are there So Many Times in game where vil basically says "yeah leona is extremely physically attractive HOWEVER his personality sucks and i hate him." like okay. why do you have to keep telling us that leona has a "pretty face" or "only good for his looks" or whatever it is he says fjsdkljekl. that's nice vil.

pushing them back out of the way back to the second years

and trey. im still trapped in the anthologies since thats whats in front of me klfjlewjsdfjkls god the way this one takes place after jamils meltdown and hes like "omg trey senpai....... and jade 😒........" Get His Ass sdfdsfg god i dont have a screenshot rn but another top 10 moments of twst for me that made me cry laughing was when i was reading cater's union bday card and jamil asks him that interview question "which dorm would you pick if you werent in heartslabyul" and god the TIMING with cater saying octavinelle INSTANTLY making jamil SCOWL IN DISAPPROVAL at the SHEER MENTION OF THE FISH BITCH DORM is SO funny to me. EW. GROSS. DISGUSTING!!! i so badly want riddle and jamil to bond over their mutual fish hading sjdklfe theyre SO FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

and yet in masquerade event. jamil bullies azul. azul buillies him back. they DANCE TOGETHER IN BOTH OF THE RHYTHM GAMES. theyre DUO PARTNERS to azuls ssr. riddle and jamil compliment [more or less LOL] azul's singing performance at the end. i think once or twice riddle and jamil also share a few 😑😑 moments over azul... being azul jdkslfjkdsljf and it's EVERYTHING TO ME it was so validating bc i think those three should hang out forever.

OK THAT'S ENOUGH DISORGANIZED RAMBLES FOR NOW I GOTTA CONTAIN MYSELF!!!

[sunshinepunches]

Tomura gets a kiss at the kissing booth

Warning: Major character death i’m serious

Shigaraki/reader Words: 1.7k

Also posted on ao3 😳😏

————

His first kiss.

He was gonna get a kiss today at the University open day and that was gonna be it. Then those whore bastards, Dabi and Takami, couldn’t say anything ever again. Well, they could still make fun of his virginity, but not his kiss virginity. How was he gonna do it, you ask? The cheerleading club had opened up kissing booths to raise funds for charity. That’s how he was gonna do it.

There were several booths, all with cute girls in them, they were the cheerleading squad after all, in their cheerleading outfits too, tight tops and tiny skirts. He nearly chickened out, but stood in line at the nearest one before he could. He quivered excitedly on the spot. The girl at the counter was cute. That being said they were all cute.

When he reached the counter the girl took one look at him, “Oh ew,” she said.

Tomura panicked. Ah. He didn’t think it was that bad? Was it his face? He showered yesterday?

“Look, I’ve already gone overtime, and I really don’t wanna touch anymore compsci nerds like you.” She looked harried and Tomura had no idea how she knew he did compsci, “where the fuck is Y/N?” She pulled a University branded sweatshirt over her tiny top, “God, I can’t believe they’re whoring us out like this,” and flounced off, clearly very over it.

Thus leaving Tomura, horrified, stuck to the spot. Had that really happened? Had a kissing booth girl denied him a kiss? He felt far too ashamed to join the other line. Some of the students were eyeing him with mixed amusement and pity. God, he just wanted to disappear. He started to stiffly walk away, scratching his neck anxiously, when he heard you.

“Wait! Oh my god. Wait, just wait! Please don’t leave.” You dove heroically behind the stand, dragging your sweatshirt over your head, messing up your bouncy hair.

Tomura goggled. It was you. Cheer squad captain. 3rd Year Bachelor of Physiotherapy. One heck of a Big Deal on campus and an Absolute Bombshell of a woman. Saved a cat from being run over once, rumours said you stopped the car with your bare hands, other rumours said you picked the car up off the cat’s broken body and set the bones yourself.

“Y/N” Tomura whispered.

“Yeah, Oh dear god you know me. I am so, so sorry.” You bowed your head deeply at him. “I am,” you looked at your arm which didn’t have a watch on it, “like, really late.”

“That’s ok,” said Tomura tightly. He had an erection seeing you take the sweatshirt off and he hated himself for it. Your hair looked so soft, he wanted to die in it.

“And oh gosh, I- have seen you around campus haven’t I?” You sure had. He knew exactly where the cheer club did their weekly training, next to the swimming pool, on the oval and he’d always sit himself on the bench looking very hard at the flipping skirts while tapping away at his code. Once, you sat down next to him, sweaty after yelling out instructions at your team and bent down to retie your shoelaces. You smiled at him mindlessly and flung your messy hair back up into a ponytail, sweat dripping down your neck. It was the best moment of his life, and he figured that was the closest he’d ever get to a girl. He didn’t even make it home, he had to limp off into the pool bathrooms and jerk one out right there.

“And, sorry, your name was?”

Tomura wasn’t jerking off in the pool bathrooms, he was standing there, staring at your tits. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um, Tomura?”

You smiled. It was as beautiful as that time on the oval. Tomura melted a little bit. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take. He already felt himself getting stiff.

“Well, Tomura, would you like a kiss?”

Would he like a kiss? He could die happy just being offered one. He would get run over in place of that cat for a whole kiss!

“It’s for charity,” you continued brightly as if you read his shellshocked arousal for hesitation, “We’re raising funds for kids with cancer at the local hospital. We’re even gonna have our mascot go to the hospital for the sick kids! I think that’s really nice, it’s something fun for them to get their mind off things!”

Tomura was glad those kids were dying from cancer because it meant this opportunity. He shakily took out his wallet and dropped a fifty into the donation jar.

Your perfect mouth o’d at the donation. “Oh, how generous Tomura! Thankyou so so much, hopefully we can reach our target sooner.”

You were so sweet, he would pay a thousand if it meant you never kissed anyone else ever again. But his heart was beating very fast and it was seemingly getting unbearably hot.

He swallowed, mouth dry, “yeah, uh, goodluck. Hope you guys get it.”

You smiled again, it was brighter somehow than the damn sun. It was blisteringly hot actually. Wasn’t there a cool breeze before? He was sure of it because he was looking at skirts all day. And what was up with his heart slamming against his chest? Well he was kinda about to kiss a Big Deal so that was normal.

You looked concerned at him. Noo he didn’t like seeing you frown. Your lips seemed to be moving slower than your words, “Are you okay? Tomura?” Oh, you were worried about him, that was super cute actually. You could frown a bit more if it was over him.

He found he couldn’t reply, but actually he couldn’t breath either. It really was so hot and blurry, and it wasn’t just because you were hot. Everything was hot and blurry.

Tomura passed out.

————

Tomura came to pillowed on a soft lap and a tender hand stroking his sweaty forehead with a cool handkerchief. Cheerleaders tittered above him and hovered about, curious. He could see up their skirts...

“Everyone! If we could give him some space please!”

No he didn’t need space, he needed a face full of hot cheerleader ass. Your spandex bound tits came into view, actually he decided he didn’t need other girls. “Tomura? Are you alright?” You gently stroked his hair, and he pushed into it weakly. It felt really nice. And he was right next to pussy. It was going straight to his cock.

“I had the nurse check up on you and it seems like you had a panic attack. Oh you poor thing,” you murmured at him, eyes glistening with pity. You had such nice manicured hands and they were just scratching his scalp in a delicious way. He needed to cum.

“Oh, the nurse said to hydrate you.” You proffered a pink bottle, “Oh sorry, it’s mine, I hope you don’t mind.” He shot up and snatched it from you and took several greedy gulps.

You giggled. Tomura thought it was a nice sound.

“Seems like you’re feeling better.”

Tomura sunk back down onto your lap and meekly handed the bottle back. “Just thirsty, still don’t feel good,” he half lidded his eyes, and breathed in your flowery perfume. He hoped you bought his excuse. He’d like to stay forever.

“Aw, ok,” you sounded genuinely disappointed. “I just thought I could give you your kiss if you were up to it.”

Tomura’s ear twitched.

You continued playfully, “but if you’re not feeling up to it then...”

Tomura opened his eyes with a snap and narrowed them at you, “I feel well enough for a kiss-,” he said snappishly, then caught himself and coughed as if ill, “I think,” he corrected, pretending to struggle to get up. You pushed him down again, getting on top of him, pushing your plush tits to his chest.

“You really think so?” You said, licking your lips. “I don’t wanna hurt you again.”

“No, no, this is good, this is fine.” He nodded eagerly, hoping you weren’t feeling his rock hard stiffie. Oh, you were, you were grinding on it, that was hot.

“Okay then” you breathed. You touched your lips to his tenderly, belying the fact that you were grinding your hot core against his zippered erection. Tomura grunted, opening his mouth, enjoying the wet hot slide and the perfect way your mouths slotted together. And oh, you had his lower lip between your teeth. Tomura was sure he would faint again. You only nipped him gently before returning to your passionate makeout session. The hotness of it was giving Tomura enough courage to run his hand up your sides. You whimpered and grasped his hand, shoving it under your skirt. Tomura’s head combusted. He could feel the swell of your thigh and the slick slide of your tongues against each other, he didn’t know what to focus on at all. You ended the kiss with a gross pop and Tomura could see there was still a drip of saliva connecting your mouths. “Oops,” you giggle, diving in for a naughty peck which broke the saliva string. You twirled a finger through your long gorgeous hair, “Got a little carried away.”

Tomura nodded in agreement. “Yeah same.” And at that point he decided he could die happy.

————

You couldn’t believe it. Tomura fainted. He gave you fifty bucks and passed the heck out, twitching disturbingly on the ground and frothing at the mouth.

You’d called an ambulance immediately of course. A man just went down! How could you not?

They’d been fussing around inside for almost an hour now. And it wasn’t looking good.

A tired looking nurse emerged from the back of the ambulance, “Sorry, are you family? Anyway, uh the kid’s dead, sorry,” he told you, “He had a heart attack.” Your team tittered behind you, gasps and other noises of horror.

Some guy yelled unhelpfully “Y/N just killed a guy!!”

Dear God, you supposed you had. That wasn’t a rumour you’d live down so easy. Not after the cat incident. And the poor guy didn’t even get his kiss.

But you were keeping the fifty.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Why do you think Tomarry would work? I see a lot of people hating on it and the only response I ever see is that they come from similar backgrounds or people just like enemies to lovers. Also which horcrux do you think Harry would go best with (including Voldemort)

So, this is probably a more complicated question than you intended, but that’s because I live in bizarre head canon lands that few ever dare venture towards.

With that, let’s get started.

But What Do You Really Ship, Muffin?

First, it probably bears saying that I’m not really a Tomarry shipper. I know, I’ve written more than one Tomarry story, so if that’s not Tomarry what is? Well, remember that those Tomarry pairing tags are a filthy lie. October I committed the grievous sin of breaking up the Tomarry and throwing Tom at Harry’s mother. Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus is barely a Harry Potter fic in any capacity, and while the ship is the driving force of the fic, it’s also this nebulous, distant, thing that really shows up only in strange side stories where I try to make people laugh. When Harry Met Tom is probably the closest that I take seriously, but I also intentionally subvert all your typical Tomarry tropes for my own enjoyment. 

The only Tomarry story I’d say I’ve ever actually written is “The Burning Taste of Fire Whisky”. It’s a very popular story, sadly perhaps my most popular on Ao3, but I actually loathe it entirely. 

A lot of the time I feel like I just happen to have a Tomarry shirt on and then I suddenly became a subject matter expert. If you want the Tomarry opinions from real Tomarry people, I’m probably not the best person to ask. In fact, if you want really any standard answer about Harry Potter anything, I’m not the best person to ask.

Now, I’m not just saying this to be a hipster but to sort of give some background for why I’m going to give the answer I’m going to give and why it’s going to be 100% different from everyone else’s and yes, sometimes, I do think I came from Mars.

Will the Real Tomarry Please Stand Up?

So with that, the bottom line is: taking canon as JKR intended, completely at face value, Tomarry doesn’t work at all. This is because JKR fully intends a very flat, one-dimensional, and frankly quite boring Tom Riddle. Tom Riddle’s evil, Tom Riddle was born evil, Tom Riddle was evil in the womb because of rape. He is completely and utterly irredeemable and understands nothing of love.

Well, that sort of sinks the ship right out of the harbor, doesn’t it? A Tom Riddle incapable of love is one incapable of growth, especially in a romantic focused story. If you try to write it you just get weird sociopathic whump porn where Tom probably whips Harry in a closet somewhere.

Added onto this we get that, despite what she put down on paper, Harry is supposed to be a straight man. That aside, he’s also a righteous man whose understanding of things like love and friendship mean he’d never sully himself with gross Tom Riddle. Ew, what are you people thinking?

Well, what if we take canon just mostly as JKR intended? What if we just look at the characters the way she actually wrote them versus what she was trying to do? Still no dice.

Tom might now be capable of love, be a far more engaging character who can go somewhere, and be pulled out of a pit of rage and despair by someone but that someone ain’t Harry.

First, while I firmly believe Harry is gay (gay, not bisexual, compare his descriptions of Cho/Ginny to Tom Riddle/Sirius Balck/Cedric Diggory/Charlie Weasley, that boy pants after Tom Riddle and Cho’s kiss is “wet”) he’s also a much worse person and much dumber character than JKR intended. It’s really the first that damns the pairing.

I have a whole giant post on how Harry’s a little yikes but the long and short of it is that while Harry thinks he understands friendship and love he’s also someone who will cut out his friends at a moment’s notice if he feels remotely slighted, uses and sacrifices them for his own ends, gleefully uses unforgiveable curses when given the opportunity, and is the kind of guy who would cut someone up in the bathroom, leave them to bleed to death, and only really feel bad about it when it seems he might get in trouble for it.

This Harry ending up even with a Tom who could potentially be redeemed would more likely lead to, well, weird psychopathic whump porn where Harry tortures Tom in his basement to make him pay for all the horrible things he’s done while Harry claims he’s the most moral person ever because his mother loved him.

So, yeah, no Tomarry for you.

But Wait, Didn’t You Say You Believed in Tomarry?

What I believe in are archetypes.

Remove what Harry’s supposed to be, remove what I think he actually is (one maladjusted, violent, dude with a whole lot of anger issues), let’s make Harry what perhaps JKR didn’t even know she wanted: one of those rare fundamentally good heroes who warps an entire story with the strength of their inner nobility.

Harry Potter is meant to be a story about love and friendship. Now, it’s not actually, and we sort of end with Harry being Jesus and none of us are sure why. Except that he apparently forgives Dumbledore and Snape for brainwashing him to be a kamikaze agent. They’re the bravest men he knows. But let’s pretend it actually is a story about love and friendship.

To me, the strongest story of love we could possibly have had in this world is the redemption of Tom Riddle. Here is a man who was supposed to have been irredeemable since birth, he has done many horrific and unforgiveable things, grew up in extreme hardship in a society that spits on everything he ever was, and is mired in bitterness, despair, and rage. Beneath all that, Tom Riddle has given up hope in the world and is now content to burn it down himself.

Harry, through the nobility of his spirit and integrity of his character, somehow managing to redeem Tom Riddle is not only a fascinating story but a very good one at its core. The fact that they are tied together by destiny as well as tragedy, that Harry houses a shard of Tom’s soul (and I do so love horcruxes), only makes it more so.

This is the kind of story that carries epics, and that is why I gravitate towards it.

Now, do I change Harry up to do so? Good god, yes. I wouldn’t say any Harry Potter I have written is anything close to the Harry we know from canon. Some are closer than others, but they always in some way deviate. That said, from what I’ve seen almost nobody writes the actual Harry we remember from canon, so this is a very standard practice I can get away with, without too many people calling foul.

Ultimately ending in tragedy or in the full redemption of Tom: either works with these base characterizations and the world is your oyster.

What About All Those Other Arguments?

I’m not going to get into this too much except that I wouldn’t argue Tomarry works for the reasons you list. At all.

On the similar backgrounds, the fact is Harry and Tom don’t have similar backgrounds, JKR just says they do because she likes that trope (and so do many of the readers).

Harry and Tom have dark hair, they both came from abusive homes, but that’s where the similarities start and end. Upon entering the wizarding world Harry is treated very very very differently from Tom Riddle.

Harry, grows up in this weird sort of pseudo poverty where he dresses in rags because the Dursley’s hate him but he never actually has to worry about money. When he gets to the wizarding world he can afford everything he wants. He can buy a new wand, he can buy new supplies, he can buy all the candy off the trolly cart. Money’s not an object to Harry, is barely even a concept.

Tom Riddle is presumably on scholarship and money is everything to him. He buys a new wand but likely all his clothes and books are second hand. He can’t buy whatever candy he wants, probably can’t afford gifts for his peers, Tom is very aware of the haves and have nots.

Harry similarly never has to worry about a career. He never gets that far, fearing for his life so much, but the fact is that Harry has enough money that he doesn’t actually need to work. More, who would turn down the great Harry Potter? He wants to be an auror, is afraid he might not qualify, but it’s not really desperate.

Tom Riddle is to the world an impoverished muggle born. He tries for the Defense position and is turned down mostly because Dumbledore threw shade. Dumbledore tries to make it seem like Tom desperately wanted to work in this weird shop in London’s magical back alley, but probably that was the only position Tom could get (everything Dumbledore ever says, especially in those pensieve lessons, must be taken with a large grain of salt). Everything else goes to friends, family, and purebloods.

Adding to this, Harry has this glowing reputation. Now, Harry might not like it, he might want to be just Harry but the fact is that everyone has heard of him and most people worship the ground he walks on. Doors are open to him everywhere. His first introduction to the wizarding world is from a man who loves him and gushes about Harry as a baby.

Tom Riddle is someone with a muggle last name, who comes from a muggle orphanage, in other words he is nobody from nowhere. (For reasons I won’t get into here I find it very doubtful Tom ever revealed he was the heir of Slytherin until he became Voldemort and let Tom Riddle fade into obscurity). His first introduction to the wizarding world is some asshole lighting all his stuff on fire because the matron talked shit about him.

Harry wants to stay at Hogwarts because the Dursleys are abusive. Yes, this is terrible, but Tom wants to stay because Nazis are bombing London and Dippet says, “So sorry, Tom, no exceptions. Enjoy those luffas!” Harry’s concerns are never treated with the same disdain.

To make a long story short, they do not have similar backgrounds, at all. To say they do is utterly laughable and not much better than saying “they both have dark hair, they have so much in common!”

They both came from abusive homes, yes, but even the nature of those homes were very different and when they went to Hogwarts they were worlds apart.

... So much for not getting into it, eh?

As for Enemies to Lovers, well, it’s a trope and people enjoy it but it’s not my jam. I could go into why, but I think I’ve said enough.

Which Horcrux Do You Think Harry Would Go Best With?

We see so little of the individual horcruxes I’m not sure I can really take a stab at this. I sort of just make up their personalities as it suits me every time I write them.

With that I suppose I’m partial to the one in Harry’s head? Given that he has a front row seat to Harry, has seen Voldemort’s tragic demise, I think he’s in the best position to end up with Harry in a meaningful manner.

Especially as, if you think about it, he could represent the very last of Tom Riddle’s humanity. The single shard of humanity that remained in him until the bitter end.

[darkeninganon]

So, you know this (Trigger warnings at the top, I’m sorry) post? Well, I made a... nice? version? A version with a good end for Dream. Trigger warning: Gore, cursing, violence, torture, and implied trauma. Read at your own risk.

Dream jolted, the lava falling once more. He cowered. Fuck, why did he have to cower each time? Why couldn't he just fucking control himself like he used to? He shook his head, trying to clear the negativity from his mind and shake off his fear. He could do this. He had been doing this. He was strong. He was the monster everyone feared. He was God.

Quackity stepped into the cell, smug smile spread a cross his face as he stared at Dream. "hey there Dream! You ready to give me what I want?"

Dream shook his head again. "Just... Stay over there! I'm not..."

"Okay, you're doing this again?" Quackity took out an axe, slowly pacing towards Dream.

"No! No, no, no, no! I...I just- I'll die if you keep this up! You don't have to visit! Please!" Dream pressed himself against the wall, feet kicking out in an effort to put nonexistent space between him and his tormentor.

Quackity paused for a moment, his smile falling. He seemed to think before putting the axe away, and taking out a potion. "Alright, let's make a deal: I won't visit you anymore, but only if you drink this potion without complaint." Quackity stated, producing a potion from his shirt pocket.

Dream stared at the strange vial. It didn't look like any potion he had seen before. "That's... That's all? Nothing else?" Dream asked, slowly moving towards Quackity and the vial.

"That's it! Just drink it without fighting me and-"

Dream snatched the vial from Quackity, pulling away from his tormentor before popping the cork off and chugging down the liquid. It tasted sickeningly sweet, like sugar and honey mixed with flowers and grass. God it was weird. He threw the vial away, aiming for the lava.

Dream glared at Quackity. He had done it. "why are you still here?"

Quackity sauntered closer. "Waiting to see it work."

Dream was about to ask what he meant when a wave of dizziness hit him. The room seemed to spin, making Dream groan and shut his eyes, turning away from Quackity to cling to the wall, waiting for it to pass. Dream slowly opened his eyes, focusing on his hands.

"Wow! That worked great!"

Something massive suddenly closed around Dream, causing the prisoner to yell. Whatever it was kept him held tightly, cramping him into an uncomfortable position and moved fast. In and instant the light of the lava returned, allowing Dream to look around and see what had happened. Oh how he wished he didn't.

Dream was confronted face-to-face with a giant Quackity, and what had grabbed him was his tormentor's hand. "what... What the fuck did you do to me?!" Dream's voice cracked as he stood, stumbling around is disbelief. "You... Why... What... No... No, no, no,no!" Dream was near crying, the hand he was standing on shaking as the now giant man laughed. "Sam! Sam help! SA-" The wind was knocked out of Dream as wind rushed past him and he slammed into a wall, his body falling to the ground with a sickening crunch. He slowly lifted his upper body off the floor, shaking with the effort; Quackity stepping closer once again. A shoe suddenly slammed down right next to Dream, landing with enough force to knock the now tiny prisoner over.

"Quackity stop! Please!" Dream yelled, trying to crawl away. He heard Quackity laugh, then his leg exploded in pain with a sickening grinding-crunching noise. Dream screamed, trying to pull away from his trapped limb, and only succeeding in seeing what had actually happened. Quackity had stepped forward, carefully, and was currently standing where one of Dream's legs was supposed to be.

Quackity pulled his leg back, dragging his shoe across the floor. Dream grit his teeth at the small trail of blood left behind, leaving a bloody void where his leg had been. "Fuck... Fuck you Quackity..." Dream hissed, claws scrabbling against the obsidian in vain.

"Ew. God, you're as gross as a bug now." Quackity hissed, kneeling down to look at the shrunken prisoner, who was hyperventilating and glaring.

"Sam... won't let you-" Dream yelped as he was grabbed again, hoisted into the air by his tormentor. "Sam! Sam please! Quackity's going to kill me! SAM!" Quackity tilted Dream around, much like a child would when inspecting a new toy. Quackity grabbed Dream's undamaged leg, holding it just below the knee. "Quackity? What are you-" Dream screamed as his leg was bent backwards, knee snapping in a small shower of blood as the bones broke the skin.

"Holy shit! You're so fragile like this!" Quackity laughed as Dream grit his teeth in an effort to not scream anymore than he already had.

Tears fell from Dream's eyes, black dots floating across his vision as his face burned.

"Let's see here..."

Dream felt a slight breeze dart across his face before it began to burn again. He was still hyperventilating, eyes now darting in and effort to see what had changed. His vision cleared enough to see Quackity holding his mask, inspecting it. Dream muttered, wanting it back.

"What?"

"Give... give it back... please... Please Quackity... Give it back..." Dream watched helplessly as Quackity threw the mask away, staring sadly at the little flame that signaled it burning in the lava. Dream lamely reached out for it, whimpering as his last line of defense now burned away. Dream looked to Qauckity; "Why... isn't the torture enough? You said... all I had to do was drink the potion... all I had to do was drink the potion."

Quackity laughed. "Oh Dream, I said I wouldn't visit anymore... Well, I can't visit if I never leave!"

Dream's eyes widened in horror as the realization dawned on him. Quackity- emotional, unstable, cruel, follower Quackity had tricked him. "You... You're a monster..."

Quackity barked out a laugh again. "Look who's talking! A monster calling me a monster!" Quackity grinned, all teeth and malice. "Oh you have no idea."  Quackity grabbed one of Dream's arms only to freeze. He looked to the lava, head tilting. "Sam?"

Sam, the warden, tripped out of the lava, wearing his netherite and looking more than a little pissed. "We have got a serious problem. Techno..." Sam paused, bracing his hands on his knees to catch his breath. "Techno, Niki, Phil, and... and fucking Ranboo are trying to break into the prison."

"What?!" Quackity glared down at Dream, tightening his hold on the tiny prisoner. "I should have executed that fucker as soon as we all split up. FUCK!" He threw Dream in rage.

Dream slammed against the wall, hard, something else was broken, or more broken. He had no idea. But falling to the floor behind the lectern didn't help at all. Dream dragged himself into the tiny space behind the chest, desperate to get out of Quackity's reach.

He stared in horror as Quackity tried to reach behind the lectern, clawing at the obsidian to find where Dream had gone. "Get out here now!"

"No! Go away!”

"Leave him Quackity! I need help, alright?! If anyone sees you here we are both dead, and I have no idea-"

"I'm on my last life Sam! Fuck!" Quackity kicked the lectern. "Get fucking crushed you piece of shit green bastard!"

Dream heard a potion bottle break, then silence. He was finally alone again. He was alone. Forever now. He was small, and alone forever, and severely injured. Dream curled in on himself, breaking down now that he was finally alone. He froze as he heard something- someone- come through the lava.

"Dream?"

The shrunken prisoner gasped, "I'm here! I'm here..." tears fell from his eyes again as the chest was moved, a green and red eye peering down at him from a black and white face.

"Oh..." Ranboo stared at Dream, shocked into silence. He had planned to kill the prisoner while Sam fought with the rest of the syndicate, but... Ranboo reached down, being as gentle as he could while picking up Dream. Ranboo produced a health potion, dropping some onto the tiny man before putting it away.

"Hey! Lethe! Hurry up! There are more guards than we thought!"

"Shoot." Ranboo looked to the small man in his palm. One leg was bent at a horribly wrong angle right at the knee, while the other was completely gone. Ranboo sighed, taking out a splash potion and throwing it to the ground. "Hold on. We'll be right out." With that the half enderman dove into the wall of lava, holding onto the prisoner so he wouldn't sink and burn.

Ranboo broke through to the other side, taking off running, cradling Dream to his chest. Dream closed his eyes, curling into himself before passing out.

Dream stirred awake, dragged from his sleep by the murmur of various voices all around him. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, looking around; his leg was still broken at the knee, with the other gone, but neither was bleeding anymore. Looks like that potion from Ranboo did its job. If only the potion Quackity gave him had run out while he was asleep.

"No! I'm not helping the bastard!"

"Tommy, he's the size of... He's tiny! He couldn't hurt you if he wanted to!"

"No! And that's final! That man deserves death for all he's done!"

Dream cringed. Tommy was going to get his way, Dream was probably going to die right here and now. The slamming of doors getting closer only made Dream's dread grow. Then  they saw each other. Tommy was staring down at Dream, silent for a minute.

"Holy shit you are tiny."

Dream glared at the teen. "Fuck you!"

"Here. Have some milk. Then I'll hate you again." Tommy dropped a few drops of milk into the box, near enough that Dream could reach them. "You'll owe me for destroying my model." The teen hissed.

At Tommy's words, Dream looked around again, realizing he was in a cobblestone house. A very small Cobblestone house. "Whatever. You have enough stone to build it again." Dream grumbled, taking one drop of milk and drinking it down.

Dream and Tommy sat there, waiting. Dream took another sip of milk. Then another.

"Okay, what the fuck kind of potion is this?" Tommy growled, removing a wall to kneel next to the table. "Ranboo, Tubbo! I think we have a problem!" Dream cringed as Tommy yelled right next to him, the two being yelled for running into the room.

"What's wrong boss man?!"

Tommy pointed to Dream as the shrunken man took another desperate sip of milk, glancing at himself before staring at Tommy in horror. "you... Why?"

"How should I know? Who even-" Tommy fell quiet as Dream was consumed by rage, slamming his fist against the floor and yelling.

"No! This cannot be! For Fuck's sake!"

"Dream, Dream don't yell, please-"

"Shut the fuck up Tommy! You're not the size of a fucking bug! You may act like one with how annoying you are, but it's not like you can actually be stepped on!" Dream hissed, curling in on himself. "Just... Fucking go away, okay? Leave me alone and let me die."

Tommy stared at his tormentor before glancing quickly at Tubbo and Ranboo. "I... Dream, who did this to you?"

"Why do you care?"

Tommy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I care because if that person did this to you, then they can do it to other people. Like Tubbo."

Dream sat up. Tommy was right. For once Tommy was right. Dream sighed. "I'll tell you, on one condition."

"If you say the disks I swear-"

"Do not put me back in the prison! Don't let anyone know about me, okay? Okay?! No one! No one can know that I'm out, or-or-or that I'm..." Dream motioned to himself. "Alright?"

"That's a lot Dream."

"I know, but it's important! Sapnap... Sapnap will kill me if he find out I got out... Sam... Fuck I don't even know what he'd do. Just... please Tommy. Please?"

Tommy sighed, nodding. "Alright. You got it. No one will know you're here, and you can stay. Now tell me who-"

"Quackity did this. Ranboo, Techno, Phil, and apparently Niki got me out before Quackity could do anything else." Dream supplied, staring at Tommy.

"Quackity... It started out as him wanted the knowledge from the book, but... But then- I don't know! He visits every day, and he knows I won't tell him, but he just visits every day, and he said if I drank that stupid potion he'd never come back. But, but-fuck!- he lied because then... then he didn't want to leave! He... he fucking... He decided that it wasn't an issue if he never left-"

Tommy placed his hand over Dream, ignoring they way the small man yelped. "Relax Dream. We got this. You just... Stay here and rest. We'll take care of everything." Tommy removed his hand, placing the wall back up as he stood, then placing a roof over the whole thing.

Dream stared at the roof, breathing heavy.

"Ranboo, Tubbo-"

"Quackity has gone mad. I... I never said anything but..." Tubbo fell quiet, shifting around. "He wanted to execute you big man... after the festival, and I-"

"Oh, okay. We'll see how Techno feels about Quackity after learning that." Ranboo spun around, getting ready to leave. "And Phil, and Niki." Once again Ranboo paused by the door, perking up. "And... I think it's about time to call in a favor..." Ranboo smirked with a chuckle, leaving.

Tubbo looked at Tommy. "Don't ask me what he's talking about. He's got his own things going on."

"Tubbo." Tommy slammed his hands down on his friend's shoulders, staring intently at him. "I'm going to need your help to stay sane with this, okay?" Tubbo nodded, raising a brow in curiosity. "You need to make sure I don't go mad with power over this. Quackity is our enemy now, along with Wilbur. You need to make sure I focus on that."

"You can count on me Boss man!"

[takaraphoenix]

Fic Writer Review

Thanks to @light-miracles​ for tagging me! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

As of this week, 1004 fics! :D”

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

8,052,836 words and counting ;)

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Gosh that depends on how you define “fandom”. Like, does the Rise of the Brave, Tangled Dragons fandom count as one, because the crossover makes it one fandom, or would you count the movies individually? Same goes to DC.

The way I would count it, I’d say 27. Counting all the DC properties under the DC umbrella as one, same for the crossover fandoms.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful (Marvel, Loki/Tony, 6245 kudos)

The Lion’s Pride (Voltron, Shiro/Keith/Lance, 5615 kudos)

Percy and the Ghost King of Summers High (PJatO, Nico/Percy, 4680 kudos)

Percy Jackson, Ambassador of Hades (PJatO, Nico/Percy, 3841 kudos)

My College Boyfriend (PJatO, Nico/Percy, 3613 kudos)

Deadass, this feels like a glitch. I have written seventy-nine multiple-chapter fics. By virtue of having multiple chapters, they tend to draw in a bigger crowd of people. And even if not, I could think of a dozen of more deserving oneshots off the top of my head, at least. I do not understand number 5 at all, it makes no sense, I have 1004 fics and by virtue of people clicking a button, this incredibly... mundane... not-even-3k-long fic is the fifth place for most-heart-button-clicks...? Like, it’s not a bad fic, it is just... impossibly boringly slice of life? Nothing happens in it? It’s not even one of the long oneshots where a lot of plot or feelings - or heck even insanely kinky smut I’d get - happens? I truly can not fathom what made this story so much more worthy of clicking the dumb heart-button than all of the hundreds of stories that have... so much more going on in it...? My brain genuinely can’t comprehend this.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Always. Because it feels like the polite thing to do. Sadly, receiving comments is not a given. Even when people like a fic - especially on AO3, with its cop-out “just click here to leave a heart” alternative, and yes I absolutely do think that that’s part of why many people don’t leave comments, because they are so conditioned through social media to think that a like-button is all it takes to communicate. So, in this comment-economy, I do think it’s worth to say thank you to those who do take the time and make the effort to leave actual feedback and truly let you know they enjoyed the story or what they enjoyed about the story.

6. A fic you've written with the angstiest ending.

That’d be a Beyblade oneshot from my German fandom days that was unrequited love ending in a suicide.

7. Do you write cross overs?

I used ot greatly dislike crossovers, because they only cater to a very specific group of people where those fandoms actually overlap for. But then I came across the whole Tangled/Brave/RotG/HttYD crossover fandom and it kind of took me by surprise. Opened my eyes to crossovers and since then, I’ve dipped into quite a couple different kinds of crossovers.

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

Were you really a fanfic author in the 2010 decade if you didn’t receive hate from the censorship and purity cult? Or, heck, in the beginning of that decade, from the homophobic “ew slash ships are evil and gross” crowd? :/

9. Do you write smut?

You could say that, yeah. *chuckles*

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

*ugly sobbing* I hate wattpad--

11. Ever had a fic translated?

I have been asked for permission more often than I can count, but I just... I just don’t like that? The thought of my fics on other people’s account, even when they do give credit to me as the original author.

And a bunch of the stolen fics on wattpad were, indeed, people who just decided to translate my fics and post them, all without my permission.

I did translate one fic myself though, because I wrote it when Germany passed the marriage equality law, so I wrote it in German and then figured I should also post it in English. ^^

12. Have you ever co written a fic?

Yes, I have! With the very lovely @kimmycup! ^-^

13. All time Fav ship.

ALL time. I think I have to go with Kaito/Shinichi from Detective Conan. It’s, by now, the ship that’s been with me the longest in an active way. I still get excited about them, I even wrote a fic for them just last month to celebrate my 1000th AO3 fic.

14. WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

*looks shamefully at Animexx* Basically all my old Beyblade fics. I dropped out of that fandom too suddenly and it doesn’t help that they’re in German and I’ve stopped writing in German.

15. Writing strengths?

Writing speed and the ability to plan ahead; both, when I write a fic as well as planning my schedule ahead.

16. Writing weakness?

Endings? I really struggle with when to end a fic and how.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

It’s stupid and unnecessary. Use italics and note what language they’re speaking in. Like, look, if it’s a language you actually speak, I can understand the temptation, but 90% of those include an A/N about how the author used Google translate for that and just... why.

And I straight-up hate when authors then don’t include the translation directly behind the spoken part but rather at the very end of the chapter... I don’t... I don’t want to scroll down to look at what I am just trying to read in the middle of the chapter and then have to find the place I was before? It completely breaks the reading flow.

I think that petnames, even some phrases, do make things more authentic, when you’re writing bilingual characters. But when it’s entire dialogues, that’s too much and should just be indicated that it is being said in another language.

18. First Fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19. What's your fav fic you've written so far?

It always depends. I have a lot of fics I am very proud of, or that I think are incredibly well-done. But for me my favorite fic would be defined by the one I enjoy rereading the most. Within the last year or so, I’d say it’s probably The Lost Soulmarks, but there are a bunch I’m bouncing back and forth between and it’s also always up to what fandom or pairing I’m craving. There’s no one holy grail fic that I hold over all others, I guess.

Tagging @kimmycup, @fallenqueen2, @miazeklos, @donnas-troia, @justonemorechapternicercy

[spoondrifts]

long post ahead I'm sorry-

crack au where Jonah Magnus is a good guy but everything keeps going wrong and he spends all of his time running around trying to stop his employees from diving headfirst into their Fuck Up™ of the week

in this au Jonah is almost entirely incompetent but he's got the exasperated parent thing down enough to make up for his lack of braincells

he's also at least 7% dumber than he is in canon

s1 Jon: please call pest control there are so many worms

s1 Elias: I already did

Jon: and??

Elias: they ate them

Jon: the worms?

Elias: the pest control guys. the worms ate them

Elias spends the entirety of season 2 desperately trying to convince Jon that none of them killed Gertrude (in this au Gertrude just had a stroke or something in the tunnels). Elias stops Jon from destroying the table but a week later something heavy falls on it and the NotThem escapes anyway. Elias bashes in Leitner's head with a pipe after mistaking him for the monster and Jon gets framed.

now Elias has to convince this hunter that Jon is innocent while Jon runs around and harasses various fear avatars (who are all very amused with Elias' wayward Archivist). Jon assumes Elias knows nothing about all this bullshit because Elias is just his weird and uptight boss who accidentally killed someone, he can't possibly know that there are literally fear gods ruling over them

olive ⚰ has named the group 'Avatars ✨'

JMagnus 👀: Jude please don't hurt him. I'll explain everything when he gets back to the Institute.

🔥: too late

JMagnus 👀: What?

🔥: too late

🔥: burned him

[JMagnus 👀 is typing]

JMagnus 👀: Where is he now.

🔥: going to mike

JMagnus 👀: Mike Crew???

🔥: ya

Elias RACES to Mike's house but he. he fucking misses them. the Beholding helpfully tells him that they're all going back to the Institute so Basira and Daisy can interrogate him, which isn't ideal, he'd really like to not go to jail, so he drafts up an employment contract on the way back and barely manages to escape the whole thing with his life intact.

then he explains everything to Jon because if Jon is going to end up being the Archivist, being uninformed won't do. Jon becomes the Archivist completely on accident and Elias is desperately trying to make all of this work because, haha, the Unknowing is coming up, and Elias is not in the fucking mood to deal with clowns.

olive ⚰ has named the group 'all that is terror uwu'

spidey🕸: lmfaooo jonah how do you make an archivist on accident

JMagnus 👀: He stumbled into it. All I can do now is ensure he doesn't die.

JMagnus 👀: Or get further injured by the rest of you.

🔥: woops

🎭: hEy gUyS lOnG tiMe nO sEe

🎭: gEt iT eLiAs

🎭: sEe

JMagnus 👀: Beholding puns are not amusing from a manifestation of the Stranger.

🎭 has named the group 'eLiAs bE niCe tO niKoLa cHaLlEnGe'

🔥: haha

spidey🕸: I'm sure Nikola will be on her best behavior

🎭: yEaH i wOnT kiDnAp yOuR aRcHiViSt

[JMagnus 👀 is typing]

mike n ike: hey guys what'd I miss

🔥: arent you dead

mike n ike: yeh but I came back

JMagnus 👀: NIKOLA ORSINOV WHERE IS JONATHAN SIMS

🔥: can't you see haha

mike n ike: heh "see"

JMagnus 👀: NIKOLA

spidey🕸: wow he must be pissed

spidey🕸: he left out the punctuation

JMagnus 👀: I WILL BREAK ALL OF YOUR PLASTIC BONES WHERE'S MY ARCHIVIST

🎭 has left the chat.

JMagnus 👀: what the FUCK

since he's still a coward Elias sends Michael to go fetch Jon, only finding out after the fact that he very nearly almost signed Jon's death warrant. Elias is now speedrunning Jon's development because fuck the Unknowing is coming up really quickly and Tim is a self destructive mess and Melanie keeps trying to stab Elias and Martin is a pining idiot and goddammit he didn't sign up for this

Elias prepares Jon the best he can for the Unknowing, because even though he knows the ritual will fail, the Circus can still cause a considerable amount of damage and he needs them out of the way.

the Unknowing happens. Jon ends up in a wack ass coma, Tim is dead, Daisy's in the coffin, and Basira is starting to look like the better choice of Archivist because jesus christ Jon has no self preservation instinct. Elias doesn't get arrested this time around but his ex husband starts coming by the Institute and fucking with all his employees. and the Flesh is attacking. jesus. goddamn.

olive ⚰ has named the group 'bully elias'

JMagnus 👀: Why are you all so mean to me? I'm arguably the nicest one here.

🔥: ur joking right

Peter Lukas: you're not nice you didn't buy me an anniversary gift 😢😢😢

JMagnus 👀: I was busy.

Peter Lukas: doing what

JMagnus 👀: Stopping the Flesh from destroying my Institute. Besides, you didn't remember my birthday.

Peter Lukas: you're 200 years old how could I remember 😓

helen!!!!!: We All Know I'm The Nicest One Here!!

JMagnus 👀: How did you make your text that colorful?

helen!!!!!: IDK

JMagnus 👀: Liar.

helen!!!!!: That's Literally My Job

olive ⚰: hey eli your archivist just woke up I think

🔥: ew why

helen!!!!!: How Delightful!! Maybe I'll Throw Him A Glad You're Alive Party!!

olive ⚰: should we invite him to this chat since he's an avatar now

Peter Lukas: no 🙅 🚫❌

Peter Lukas: I hate archivists 😤😤

olive ⚰: still mad about gertrude huh

🔥: were all still mad about gertrude

🔥: but jons fine once you burn some manners into him

JMagnus 👀: Can you all please stop hurting Jon? Or talking about hurting him? I would like my Archivist to not acquire any more scars.

🔥: damn

Peter Lukas: damn 😔

Elias keeps trying to teach Jon how to pick certain victims to feed off of because personally he has no qualms about feeding from innocents but Jon!! actually trusts him!!! so Elias doesn't want to push Jon into making decisions that will offend his moral sensitivities.

things are actually going okay for a while. Elias starts going home at a reasonable time in the evenings and Jon is actually getting some sleep. and then-

Elias is having a nice dream about Peter trying to fish Simon Fairchild out of a sky filled with eyes when he abruptly sits up in bed, wide awake.

"Ah, fuck," he says to Peter, who is laying on the floor where it is Lonelier™. "Jon's doing something stupid. I Know it."

Peter's mumbled "isn't he always" goes unnoticed as Elias hurries to the Institute, where he finds a fucking rib on Jon's desk and the coffin in the middle of the room.

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'archivists ruin my sleep schedule and my sex life'

JMagnus 👀: What the fuck do I do?? I can't go into the Buried! Why is Jon so stupid? I didn't know he had zero braincells when I hired him!

🔥: ngl why havent you fired him yet

JMagnus 👀: Beholding won't let me. We're all bound to the Institute.

🔥: F

JMagnus 👀: Why are there no Buried avatars in here? Please someone help me.

mike n ike: lol the buried is gross why would anyone go down there

spidey🕸: does he have an anchor?

[JMagnus 👀 sent an image]

🔥: is that a fucking rib

spidey🕸: wow that's not a good anchor at all

spidey🕸: he needs someone he loves

JMagnus 👀: Thanks. Gtg.

spidey🕸: np

🔥: are we not going to talk about his rib

🔥: how the fuck did he get that out of his body

🔥: yall

🔥: YALL

it takes three days for Elias to find Martin.

"Please tell me why the fuck you're dabbling in the Lonely," Elias says as Martin steps sheepishly out of the fog.

"Ah. Well. Jon can't See into it very well and sometimes we like to spice up our se-"

"Stop before I have to gouge my eyes out again."

"A-Again-?"

Elias drags Martin back to the Institute. Martin starts setting tapes on the coffin because "Jon loves these" and Elias starts bashing his head into the wall.

Jon climbs out of the coffin with Daisy and Elias almost considers locking Jon in his office so the damn archivist can't do anything else ridiculous. instead, Elias very calmly takes Jon by the shoulders, and shakes him like a rag doll.

"Stop fucking with entities, you stupid, stupid man," Elias says, shaking Jon more viciously now.

after several hours of breathing exercises Elias returns to his house and doesn't take his Sight off of Jon for the rest of the night, which is a fun experience for Peter when he wakes up and finds Elias' bloodshot eyes staring directly at him in the morning.

JMagnus 👀 added Daisy to 'archivists ruin my sleep schedule and my sex life'

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'archivist hate club'

JMagnus 👀 has named the chat 'shut up peter'

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'you love jon more than me'

JMagnus 👀 has named the chat 'I don't love either of you I'm heartless'

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'I want a divorce'

spidey🕸: jeez take your marital dispute elsewhere

spidey🕸 has named the chat 'lonelyeyes dni'

Daisy: wtf is this

mike n ike: it's a chat for avatars

mike n ike: and ex avatars ig

Daisy: didn't I kill you

mike n ike: yea

JMagnus 👀: Hello, Daisy. Welcome to the group chat.

Daisy: why is Jon not in here

Peter Lukas: because I hate him 😁

spidey🕸: Elias talks mad shit in here and Jon would get offended

Daisy: if you talk bad about Jon I'll rip your throat out

Daisy: :)

JMagnus 👀: Noted.

mike n ike: he's kinda rude tho

Daisy: I've killed you once

Elias' only goal now is to keep Jon and his assistants from pulling any more wild stunts without his supervision. his renewed involvement with the archival staff results in a few things he'd hoped to avoid: drink invites, physical contact (Martin is surprisingly quick to start hugging Elias once he realizes Elias won't stop him), and- shudder -feelings. because Elias genuinely cares about his staff and doesn't want any harm to befall them. especially Jon. Jon is his Archivist, the only one to ever succeed like this, and Elias will be damned if he lets anything happen to him.

"Why do you care?" Jon asks, once, compulsion thrumming like static on his tongue. "About us, I mean. I would've assumed you'd want to perform the Beholding's ritual."

Jonah Magnus attempted the Watcher's Crown once, when he was young and new. he'd brought his patron close, but not all the way through, and the backlash of power killed all the inmates at Millbank and severely crippled Jonah's connection to the Eye for months afterward. he grew to assume that the Beholding simply preferred the world as it was--ripe with fear for watching. it didn't need a ritual.

he instead dedicated himself to growing stronger, cultivating his Institute of knowledge, his stronghold. if he tore out a few people's eyes when he got too old, then, well, collateral. but he doesn't want the world to end, and knows now that no ritual will ever succeed unless it brings in all the Powers at once. and he doesn't want that either.

it's concerning to him that Jon seems to be collecting marks regardless. the only ones he's missing are the Dark and the Lonely, and Elias is determined to keep it that way.

he explains all of this to Jon who, to his credit, takes it pretty well. Jon is fascinated with historic life and Elias spends some time simply recounting tales of his youth, when he still bore the name Magnus.

they bond. it's good.

and one day Basira does a little too much research and discovers the dark sun waiting in Ny Alesund. she insists they need to go and see what's left of the People's Church, they need to ensure everything is taken care of. Jon is rather insistent too. and Elias wouldn't have been inclined to let them go, except Peter was finally home after weeks at sea, and it wasn't like Jon was defenseless, he could call Elias if anything went wrong...

so, very reluctantly, Elias gives them the all clear. Basira, Jon, and Martin head north, and Elias almost forgets they've gone when he arrives home and Peter already has dinner prepared.

Jon comes back marked by the Dark.

Elias curses himself, over and over, for being foolish enough to let them go, for not keeping a closer eye on them. he knows the ritual won't work unless a certain incantation is spoken, so he'll just have to keep world-ending written chants away from Jon. easy. and it's not like Jon will even get marked by the Lonely. Peter wouldn't.

(but Martin doesn't have the same level of control, and sometimes...)

it's an accident. Martin and Jon are testing it, pushing the boundaries, when Martin pulls them both into the Lonely. Elias threatens divorce until Peter caves and fetches them, but it's too late. Jon has been marked by all fourteen Powers.

Elias tells him, and warns him to check everything he reads.

helen!!!!! has named the chat 'apocalypse babey'

JMagnus 👀: How are you doing that?

JMagnus 👀: And the apocalypse is not imminent. I have the situation under control.

olive ⚰: ha yeah

JMagnus 👀: What do you mean by that?

olive ⚰: nothing

JMagnus 👀: Well, now I certainly think it's something.

olive ⚰: it's just

olive ⚰: don't you think it's kinda weird that @spidey🕸 has been offline for so long

🔥: thats weird shes always online

JMagnus 👀: Oliver, what are you implying?

olive ⚰: idk

olive ⚰: just weird, that's all

🔥: never good when the spiders are quiet

olive ⚰: hear hear

Elias gets a sinking feeling in his stomach, and beside him, Peter looks alarmed. meanwhile, in his flat with Martin making tea in the other room, Jon has a statement clutched in his grasp.

Hello, Jon.

I would apologize for the deception, but I'm afraid that's quite what I'm good at. I'm not one to monologue, that's more Jonah's shtick, so shall we get on with things?

I admit I underestimated Jonah Magnus. He's still remarkably easy to manipulate, but when he abandoned the Watcher's Crown ritual I knew I would have to take a different approach. The Mother is not so satisfied with the world as she may have insinuated. It is our turn to rise, Jon.

At the age of eight, you were marked by us. We sent you to the Magnus Institute in the hopes that a new Archivist would rekindle Jonah's desire to end the world. Unfortunately, it seemed as though he grew fond of you, and so we brought in a new plan. We marked you. One fear at a time. Jonah gave an admirable attempt at protecting you, but ultimately, he is an incompetent old fool, and I am a Weaver. Even Jonah Magnus dances to invisible strings.

Everyone underestimates a spider until it bites. Poison is poison, Jon, regardless of the medium in which it is served.

You will be safe in this new world. Martin, too. Perhaps even Jonah and his Lukas, if the Mother deems them worthy.

Now, please repeat after me...

Jon reads the ink scratched words, eyes welling up with tears and hands trembling, as thunder crashes outside and a howling gale picks up beyond the windows. Martin is shouting something, there's the crawling press of Elias' gaze as it rests heavy behind Jon, a silent observer. He can feel Elias' soothing presence, cool and calm in the raging storm.

Elias is still watching out for him.

Strings are wrapped around his wrists, jerking his arms up in a poor mockery of religious regard, strange hysterical laughter clawing out from his throat.

Jon's tears run red. Somewhere, Elias is still watching.

The door opens.

[janegrey9]

play the role of anyone but me, i

ok so i caved and im finally writing a series on this cursed website. consider it my bday gift for yall. chapters will probably be kinda short and spread out bc motivation is a bitch. also this chapter is kinda just set up of the characters and their relationships. 

idea from a post by @lydias--stiles

summary: when julie and luke are partnered together for a songwriting contest in their music class, they are determined to win. only one problem; they hate each other. julie is convinced luke is just an ambitious bastard who only cares about his career and fame, and luke is convinced julie is just a spoiled goody two shoes who gets everything handed to her. yes i am aware this is cheesy, it is meant to be.

warnings: cursing

word count: 1,083

chapter i - a force to be reckoned with

It was the first day back at school for Julie Molina, and unfortunately, the rest of the school as well. Her father’s driver dropped her off at school less than five minutes ago and Julie was already considering calling him to pick her up. It’s not that she thought herself above all the kids in her school, she just thought most of them were below her. Especially the four boys currently blocking her locker.

“Ugh - move, you’re in my way.” Julie groaned, rolling her eyes at the boys.

“Oh, damn! The princess speaks to us, guys.” Luke Patterson.  The single most obnoxious boy Julie had ever met in her life. He was loud and annoying and practically married to his dumb guitar. Julie hated his stupid face.

“Just move. You’re in front of my locker.” She groaned, putting one manicured hand on her hip and leaning her weight against it. Julie eyed the other three. Two of them were talking to each other, Peters and Wilson. Those two could be decent, sometimes, but Julie hated Wilson for publicly dumping his ex the year before. She hadn't been close with the poor girl, but you didn't just do that to someone. The third boy, Mercer, was smiling at his phone. He was the most tolerable of the group. They had biology together last year and he was good at it.

“What’re you gonna do about it? Call your daddy?” Patterson asked, mocking her fathers status. It's not like it was her fault her dad just happened to be a famous photographer who insisted on only the best for his oldest child. Julie just scoffed at the boy standing in front of her.

“I can smash that pretty guitar of yours.” She said with a sweet smile, tossing her dark curls over her shoulder.

“Pshh. You wouldn’t. Don’t wanna get those hands dirty, hm?” Patterson's eyes flickered to her hand, obviously referring to her fresh French manicure. Julie just rolled her eyes a second time and shifted her weight to the other side.

“Fucking move, Patterson!” She said, finally losing any patience she previously had with the boy. The other boys looked up from what they were doing at the rising tension between the two. Peters and Wilson didn't seem too concerned. Mercer did.

“Make me.” Patterson growled, leaning in towards Julie’s shorter frame.

“Bite me!” Julie spat at him.

Patterson reeled back at that, barking out a laugh. “So the princess has some fire after all. I guess you aren't an unfeeling robot.”

“And I guess you aren't a total idiot,” Julie said, glaring at the obnoxious child of a teenager. “oh wait. Never mind!” She finished with a sweet smile.

Mercer reached out and quickly grabbed Patterson’s shoulder before the teenager could move towards Julie at the insult. To her luck, a familiar blonde came up to the group at just the perfect moment.

“Ugh, why does it smell like testosterone and axe over here? Did you try out a new perfume, Jules?” Carrie asked, approaching the hostile girl.

Julie's entire demeanor changed, her scowl turning into a bright smile that lit up her whole face.

“No, but maybe these dumbasses did. What's the new scent called, boys? Disappointing your mother?” Julie quipped, reaching out to link arms with the taller blonde.

“Nah, it's actually railing your mother.” Wilson said, looking Julie up and down with a slight smirk. “Because that's what I spent all last night doing.”

“Ew, what's my idiot brother doing here? Doesn't he know this hallway is for juniors?” Carrie asked, pretending to whisper.

“I don't know, but he and his sophomore ass need to leave.” Julie stage whispered back.

“Ha ha, very funny.” Wilson said to the two girls. He turned to his friends. “See y'all later?”

“Yeah, see you at lunch. Alex’s boyfriend is saving us a seat, so find him. We have music before lunch so we’ll probably be late.” Peters said.

They all did some sort of elaborate handshake before Wilson left and Julie and Carrie exchanged a look. Julie sighed loudly.

“Just move, assholes.” She said, already exhausted by the conversation. Julie could see Carrie raise an eyebrow at the boys in her peripheral vision.

Patterson raised his hands in surrender, a grin finally taking over his face in place of the scowl he usually aimed at Julie.

“Alright, alright, but don't say I never did anything for you, Molina. See you in music class, ladies!” He called as he finally dragged Peters and Mercer away from Julie’s locker.

“God, I hate my brother’s dumbass friends.” Carrie grumbled, moving to lean against the locker next to Julie’s.

“They always look like they just crawled out of a bar. It's gross.” Julie shuddered slightly as she opened her locker to get her books.

“I know right! But whatever, enough about them. How have you been? I haven't seen you in, like, a week. How's Carlos? He’s so much more interesting than Bobby.” Carrie asked, a much more pleasant look settling over her features.

“I’m good and so is Carlos. He was excited to get back to school. I think he has a lot of friends in his class this year, and dad agreed to let him go to a public school instead of that awful private school he was in.” Julie said.

“Oh that's great! He's been dying to go to a public school for, like, ever.”

“Yeah. I don't see the big deal though. It's not that great here.”

“That's for sure.” Carrie’s phone buzzed, and she opened it at lightning speed to see who texted her. She chuckled.

“Flynn's late. She said to meet her in class and that she's bringing you your coffee and me my tea.”

“Of course she is. Make sure mine has a-”

“A shot of hazelnut, I know. I already asked.”

“You, Carrie Wilson, are an angel.”

“I know. Now c’mon, we have to get going or we’ll be late too. And you know Levy has a reputation for dealing with late students.”

“Oh yeah, Flynn's dead when she gets here.”

“For sure.”

As Carrie walked away and Julie finished locking up her stuff again, Patterson’s smile lingered in her mind. It was so rarely aimed at her, and infuriating as it was, she did like seeing it. Julie closed her eyes momentarily and huffed out a breath, clearing any image of Patterson from her mind. She wasn't about to think about that boy any longer than necessary.

[atsunflower]

Rated: SFW

Author notes: fucking finally, I'd say. Sorry it took me so long to post it after I decided to revamp this series. Here goes my belated 300 special med student!Kuroo. Please note that this is written based on the med school model we have here, in wich we get the MD degree right away, without the pre-med division they have in USA.

PS: DAI¹ stands for diffuse axonal injury, a type of brain damage caused by violent shakes (acceleration/deceleration/shaken baby syndrome) of the head. No worries, banging your head against a hard surface isn't supposed to give you it. If you get confused by any medical terms, pls hmu!!

Warnings: me trying to be funny. Cursing (reader swears like a sailor here).

I – Lehninger principles of biochemistry

Previous || Next

Your head was throbbing. The professor's voice dragging through your ears made the discomfort you felt even bigger.

The first class of the day have barely started and you were already regretting leaving your bed.

You let out a shuddering breath while your fingers found their way to your temples. You massaged the area, trying to ease the headache.

"You look like shit" the voice came from your right. Shirabu gave you a sideways glance before going back to his notes. "Let me guess, your neighbor again?"

"Yeah, the bastard was up all the night. I still can hear his bed pounding into the wall and the girl trying to muffle her voice" You groaned.

"Ew. Gross" The blonde's face contorted in a grimace "Am I the only one weirded by the fact you never saw the guy?" He asked frowning.

"Hell, no. But I don't think I wanna meet him anytime soon." Your reply was earn; you wouldn't know how to react if you ever saw the said man. "Besides, the guy has this strange schedule. He leaves early in the morning and comes back late at night, it's kinda weird"

"Weird is the way you know him so well and never saw him before" You ignored your him and turned your attention back to the professor. Twenty minutes into the lecture, the door was open and a raven hair peaked from it, sitting on the desk available in the front row.

You mood automatically got worse just by the sight.

"You're staring" Shirabu's uninterested voice ringed in your ears again "Why don't you admit you have a thing for him already? It would make our lives a thousand times easier"

"I just dislike him. I can't stand that dumbass" You retorted grimacing while scribbling down in your notebook. God, you hated biochemistry.

"Yeah, keep repeating that and someday you'll believe it."

"Why you all keep saying it?" You winced at the high pitch of your whisper "The guy ain't special. He is an asshole, honestly"

"Deep down you only say it because he told you were 'just okay' in our first week of freshmen year" The male gave you a pointed look. "I know it's you just being petty, but it's pretty obvious you have a crush on him"

"Hell no, I'd rather have the whole Lehninger shoved down my throat" Your classmate scoffed by your side, resuming to his notes.

"By the looks Haruno-sensei is sending in our direction, it's going to happen anytime soon."

"For this term, you'll send me an essay about peptides with especial focus on physiologically active ones and their major role on human organism." The professor said, sending a stern glare though the class. "Pay attention to the next slide. It contains a table with the pairs I've assigned for this paper"

What the hecking heck?

Your mind went blank but you still heard Shirabu snickering by your peripheral. For such a stoic man, he was pretty out of character today. That little shit.

"Beware the addressed pairs won't be changed in any circumstances. Don't even bother to try" The woman said as she addressed the whole class a cold glare. Goddammit med school and its goddam professors. "You now can discuss this paper. Remember this essay is worth half the grade"

"Fuck" you cursed as your forehead banged onto the thick textbook.

"Whoa, be careful" The teasing voice made you painfully groan "We don't want this pretty brain of yours getting a DAI¹ before we start this paper"

"It's too early in the morning to deal with you, Kuroo" Your retorted came muffled as you pressed your face even flatter into the book. 

"It's too early in the morning for you be ranting about everything but you don't hear me complaining, kitten" He jabbed at you, laughing it off as mere teasing "Is it fine if we start the paper on this weekend? I gotta volley practice the whole week."

"Sure. Wanna meet up on the public library?" You asked gathering your things, as you turned to Shirabu and saw him cocking an eyebrow at you.

"Fine by me" The male scratched the back of his neck, giving you an awkward glance "Actually, I wanted to ask you phone number" You stiffened "Aw [Surname]-chan, C'mon! You know it's easier."

"But what for? You already have my institutional email"

"You're too formal for your own good, woman" He handed you his phone, nudging the device into your palms "Where do you think this strict act is going to take you?"

You rolled your eyes at him again.

"Actually, Kuroo-san" You made a pause, voicing the words with candour "I want chaos and world domination. But in order to do it, I need to overthrow the dean first" You said while punching the numbers onto the chapped screen of his phone. The ravenette snorted at your reply.

"Oh shit, you're so weird!" And he left out a hyena laugh.

"Way to impress a girl, huh" 

"Only the ones I'm trynna woo" The male smirked when he saw your dumbfounded face.

"Huh? Big words coming from a nerd" You brushed off his provocation. You knew he didn't mean it, but you couldn't prevent your heart to skip a beat.

"Oi, [Name]! What do you mean?"

Surprisingly, the week went smoothly. No Kuroo incidents nor professors bitching over the struggling students.

It was saturday and you were more than ready to spend a whole day inside the library with the ravenette.

Sarcasm? Check.

It wasn't like you hated him. If you were to be honest, it was the other way around — but you would never give Shirabu the taste of being right.

Kuroo just had a special way of getting under your skin. He knew what buttons to push and how to make feel flustered.

You were indeed whipped for him in your first year, but he was an asshole back then — It was kinda comprehensible though: being new to the infamous uni life, freshmen were always seeking acceptance from other people.

Kouhai trying to impress their senpai.

Jocks trying to make a number on the female population.

You trying to grab the attention of that hot guy from welcome ceremony — yes, the one who ended to be the bane of your campus existence.

Yada yada.

But when Kuroo turned you down — without you confessing first, you may add —, your pride was incredibly hurt. You then declared war. Best way to rile up a med student? Make your grades better than theirs.

But of fucking course Kuroo wasn't your regular med student. The competition only provoked meaningless banter — and it annoyed you even more because you couldn't get into his nerves the same way he did to you.

"Oi, [Surname]! You good there?"

"Yeah, yeah, get back to the damn peptides" You definitely despised biochemistry.

You rummaged through the books sprawled over the desk, searching for your Lehninger copy.

"Where the fuck that huge ass book went to?" You murmured, getting ready to go check on your backpack.

Glancing towards your classmate's direction, you spotted it under one of the textbooks he was using, but before you could reach for it, you felt hands gingerly wrapping around your chin, making your eyes lock into his stare.

"What are you doing?" You knew the warmth in your cheeks wasn't being provided by his body temperature.

"Conducting an experiment" He said as you melted under his attentive stare.

"Huh?"

"You know, they say exchanging looks causes an increase on Oxytocin synthesis in hypothalamus" The male smirked when a vein popped on your head, your brain recalled that science paper about the physiology on human and dog interactions. You wanted chaos and world domination — but in order to make it, you had to kill Kuroo first.

"Are you fucking calling me a dog?" You squinted at him, ready to fight. He laughed as your slapped his hands off of your face.

"Oh, come on, it was just a joke. You know the hormone of love doesn't work this way." His hyena laugh made presence as the bibliothecary gave you two a dejected stare.

Just a joke, huh?

For a med student, Kuroo Tetsuro would make a shitty doctor if he didn't know how bad his smile was for your heart.

General taglist: @ohmythatmiya @imomomi @neonghxst @differentballooncollection @raenebalgaire

Taglist is open. Send an ask if you want to be added.

[sugarandspice-games]

Okay, so I finally got through Saeran's good ending, I might go back and play the normal and other bad endings later if I feel like it, but as that was an emotional rollercoaster, I need some time to recover. But I'm going to put my full review under the cut.

Will I be releasing my rewrite outline at this point (though not really a rewrite, since I made it before the AE was ever released when I was drunk and salty at the lack of news)? I'm not sure. I wasn't 100% satisfied, but we'll call it a good 65% as I feel like there was more I liked than I hated. I'll leave that decision up to my dear readers, whether or not they want to see it. (Though there are only like... 8 of you here and I know you're probably here for Obey Me content and not MysMess)

I do plan on playing the Jumin Bad End DLC, but I may not liveblog it as I haven't really heard good things. This seems like another ploy for fanservice, but I do want to get more lore about Jumin's backstory, and honestly... I'm gay and want to see those sexy CGs. That being said... this is the last I will discuss the canon material on this blog, and it may be the last time I engage with the canon material (as I believe cheritz has announced that this is the finale anyway, and will no longer update the game). I will most likely continue to create fan content for it, as Sugar and I have our own sort of... fanfic thing going on with the characters and our OCs. But this is a personal and huge special interest of mine, and rather than go through everything and pick it apart for the rest of my days... I want to leave the game and the characters I love so much with only my happiest memories. They'll live on in my heart.

But I digress... here is my semi-condensed review. Sugar may talk about it as well, though I do not speak for them. THIS SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE SAID BUT HERE THERE BE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DID NOT COMPLETE THE GOOD END OF RAY'S AE.

The Good:

Saeran. Saeran was the best thing about this route. His character development was beautiful, and every time I saw him, I felt my heart swell with pride and love. His new sprites are so adorable as well as his beautiful CGs, and he looks healthier and happier in a lot of them. He's grown to be such a loving, gorgeous, wonderful man despite everything that happened in his painful life, and his story is nothing short of inspirational. I have a lot of love for Saeran, I have from the moment I saw him but this route really drove it home for me. He will have a special place in my heart among my fictional loves that can never be replaced.

Jumin Jumin Jumin! Jumin was one of the absolute MVPs this route, he was doing the most and boy... I just want to hug him. Even though he was in horrendous pain he was doing the absolute best he could to help everyone. He's been a love of mine for a long time, and that love only grew in this route. I was also glad to meet Driver Kim and see the interaction between him and Daddy Han Sr. (Because obviously Juju is the junior Daddy Han lol)-- even though I have mixed feelings about the Chairman, it makes me happy to see Jumin getting the caring he deserves from his father. And the fact that he even turned his back to let Jumin express his emotions without feeling embarrassed... Fucking killed me.

They did Rika right this go around. Yes, she got off to a really rough start, but she was very human and bearable here... and complete with her realizing her wrongdoings and working to right them in the end. It was a gorgeous arc, I'm so happy for her. I have a love hate relationship with her character, as she used to be a very badly written villain IMO... but one of the good things about Another Story in general is that it gave her depth that she didn't have before. And if they wanted to redeem her, they 100% did it right here, even if she had a rough beginning and had to make mistakes to get to where she was. I thought it was very human. Good on you, cheritz.

Vanderwood got a lot of good interactions here, and I'm really happy they gave us more Van content. Even if we're not getting a route for him, it's enough to me to finally see him expressing the affection we all know that he holds for Saeyoung, and working to help him.

The twins finally get to be happy! Need I say more?

Everyone doing well in their lives made me really happy too... most of the other routes had this problem where if one person got to be happy, someone else would have to suffer in exchange. I'm so glad that everyone got a happy ending.

The new chats made me extra emotional... I'm not sure why, to be honest, I think I'm just happy to see everyone again. It had been such a long time since I played Mystic Messenger, and talking to everyone again just like old times felt like returning to a childhood home (though I was 19 when I discovered this game initially, haha). I cried a lot, which is extra weird for me since I don't tend to cry in general.

Yoosung loves Saeran soooo much... in fact, everyone does. It made me happy, bc I was initially worried that he wouldn't have made friends with the RFA or that it would be awkward, but seeing everyone loving him and him being sweet back to them was adorable. Jumin also loves him and you can't change my mind (though maybe that's my wishful thinking of being in a Jumin & Saeran sandwich talking...)

So many good messages in this AE, and they hit very personally. I came to the same realization last year, that in the end, nothing in life matters except love, since you can't take anything else with you when you die. I shan't elaborate more!

Everyone's voice acting was so good! It was so beautiful and emotional, I could feel it through their voices. I usually skip the voice lines since I read so fast, but I'm happy I didn't.

The Bad:

Oh Jihyun... what have they done to you? I know I said he wasn't OOC and I stand by that, but it really feels like the writers hated him this AE. Even his sprite looked so awful and blurry. And he didn't get any good realization that he deserved better or anything, the literal cult leader and prime fucking minister got to be redeemed when he didn't. What the actual fuck. Sugar will definitely have more to say about it, and probably in a more articulate way, but let it be known that I don't like it either.

Furthermore, even if it's not OOC, it's structurally sloppy for him to come to some realization only to stay the exact same as he's always been. And same with Rika too. As I said in a previous post, having them both go through these realizations only to make them the villains again really felt like beating a dead horse. What can I say except AAAAAAAAA. WHAT THE FUCK?

Again, I must reiterate... why'd they make it so you have to be a bitch to Rika to get the good ending? I get that it's probably wish fulfillment for some people in the fandom, but it isn't for me. I really don't have any desire to berate or insult her bc in the end she needs serious help (even if I wanted to throw hands with her sometimes), and if the point was to call her on her misbehavior... some of it went too far (looking @ the "Don't stab Saeran's eyes out!" choice. I didn't like that at all, especially since it felt like you were making fun of Jihyun's trauma.) It especially made the end of her arc fall flat when she's like "Thank you for being kind and trying to understand me..." like, gurl... the game didn't let me do that without making me bad end! Jeez.

Also, literally why was it necessary to redeem the prime minister? He's a monster who tried to murder his own children. It's okay if they needed that scene where Saeran and you tried to understand him, but having him actually come around made no sense... why would he want to listen to you or Saeran when we've seen time and time again that there isn't really any good in him? He's just not a good person. And no, I'm not saying this because I wanted him to die or anything! ...Okay, maybe I did. Fuck that guy. I hate him. (Also the whole "you're only this way because you're lonely!" was so corny, I didn't choose those options but gjkgkgkfk)

The Ugly:

Have y'all heard about how much I hate the agency Boss? I hate him so much... I want to drown him in the toilet. I want to feed him taco bell laced with laxatives. I want to-- anyway, I digress. Not classifying this under bad because cheritz did their job by making him hateable and oh boy, did I hate him. He made me want to barf. I also commend his voice actor for somehow making me feel greasy through the screen. Seriously, dude, hats off to you. You are a genius.

That's about all I have to say for now... you can peruse my talk tag if you want to see any of my other thoughts on this game, but they don't tie into the good and bad. Despite the flaws, I enjoyed myself this route and I'm happy I played it. Even though there will always be things to improve upon in this game... I'm happy I picked it up, and I'm happy I met everyone. I would write them all letters or something but that'd be kinda corny since they're just game characters and won't see it anyway, and I know I'm not the only nor am I the most attractive MC out there... so this is Spice, signing out! Byebye, Mystic Messenger. You'll always have a special place in my heart.

All of the... weird horniness between Rika and Saeran made me feel grossed out. Her having him in a collar with a leash, and the game options that insinuate she has a thing for him... ew ew ew. Please stop it. That shit is so disgusting and I'm going to puke.

@ Both Saeyoung and Saeran: stop fucking trying to die all the time! Seriously! Let me love you and want to save you, when will you get it through your thick skulls that one gay ass MC who loves you very very dearly would NEVER be happy if you died? AAAAAAAA

[aw-eather]

Heather Watches Stargate SG1: Upgrades

I have some rare time off and deicded I would like to spend it writing another post because its been a long time and I love this show and it’ll help me be less stressed about life and work!  We all love Upgrades so I thought this could be a fun one to do today! I also just love how much you guys enjoy these posts so thank you for being wonderful  As always, I’ll almost defienitly swear so consider yourself warned. 

Nice shot of the gate

SAM’S HAIR

SHE’S SO CUTE

Tok’ra are starting to annoy Jack and honestly same

“Don’t get me wrong Carter, your dads great, love him like a brother”

What about a father in law???

just a thought

Boys stop gagging over a pretty girl

Ew Daniel thats so gross

“Looks like trouble to me” ew

Sam’s fucking face

She’s so C U T E

Daniel stop flirting with every woman you meet

Anise annoys me tbh

Sorry not sorry

No shit Daniel

Jack is judging SO HARD

I’m actually a fan of the caterpillar on Teal’c’s face. 

I genuienly don’t hate it

Of course it doesn’t work on the Tok’ra. 

Why would anything 

Wow Anise you seem awfully suspicious with how desparate you are to get those bands on our space babies...

Sorry Sam is so beautiful 

like SO BEAUTIFUL

CREDITS

They’re so boring this season no offence 

END CREDITS

JANET

she looks so fucking good omg 

her HAIR

Anise go HOME you’re so ANNOYING 

Jack’s neck I-

Jack and Teal’c fighting is cute

I love their friendship

aw poor Teal’c

he’s out cold 

Jacks hair is messy and cute

Janet is not impressed at all

“I’m sorry”

“no you are not”

“You’re right about that!

fucking Jack making a comment about his strength and Janet’s face I love them

Jack reading super fast and Daniel not being able too is hilarioius to me

Mostly because I dislike Daniel

Lol “want me to read it to you?”

Sam sitting in the dark

Janet visiting her with her messy hair and looking so cute and wonderful

I love her

lemme protect her

she’ll need it

Sam, I don’t trust Anise

Jack chil you’re gonna break the machine 

that fucking beanie

i hate it

Jack broke the ball

I’m quiet during this scene because I Do Not Care TM about Daniel and Anise

Janet looks so annoyed 

and I don’t blame her

I agree with Janet

take them off

ah but they can’t 

janet and hammond are ready to slap anise and I’m HERE FOR IT

Jack might not be concerned Teal’c, but I am

jack what did that punching bag ever do to you, you dork

SAm is WRITING  a BOOK with her new found power I hate her

Sam and Janet are beautiful 

and their friendship could have been beautiful

if TPTB knew how to write decent women

“its just so damn exciting sir” I love him

poor Siler omg

why is it always him

can’t he catch a break

aw they’re all locked up

Steak. 

THEY’RE BREAKING OUT

FUCK SHE LOOKS GOOD

LIKE SO GOOD

AND THEY’RE BOTH WEARING LEATHER JACKETS 

THEY LOOK SO GOOOD

FRENCH FRIES INSTEAD OF POTATOES 

I LIKE THE TASTE BETTER 

SAM STOP 

YOU’RE TOO MUCH

MY TINY COLD HEART CANNOT TAKE IT 

defying a direct order but who cares

Jack there is a large, huge MASSIVE difference between steak and earth

the story about that shot with the pool is always funny to me 

JACK LOOKS GOOD

SO GOOD 

WITH HIS HANDS IN HIS POCKETS AND THE LEATHER AND THE GREY AND I-

he is a geek

Daniel don’t do it

oh he did it

Sam’s even telling him not to do it

bloody hell 

can we have a chat about how hot Jack and Sam are? 

Not make them stupid lol 

they were already stupid, Hammond 

they’re space babies

they’re looking so sory for themselves 

no you can’t Daniel

VERY HUNGRY SIR

more of a scuffle sir

ACTUALLY IT WAS YOUR IDEA... SIR

the fucking sass

the FUCKING S A S S 

ugh

UGH 

I AM SO SICK OF ANISE 

bitch  you brought those arm bands there so they could do stuff for you

the Tok’ra are always out for themselves and no one else

they barely do anything to help the taur’i and it pisses me off

Sam looks so cute

Hammond, every mission is a suicide mission 

sam is SO CUTE

HER HAND-

SORRY 

SHE’S REALLY HOT 

AND ADORABLE

I WANNA PROTECT HER

Thta was a lot of science talk 

aww the little hat 

so CUTE

look at em go

kicking jaffa butt

speeding around the place

HER HAIR 

I CANNOT STAND HER

SHE’S SO CUTE

wow thats a big ship

arm band is no longer working 

surprise surprise it happens in the middle of an important mission 

oh Hammond is MAD MAD 

Anise and you can bugger off

Janet’s face is like “did this bitch really just say what I think she just said”

NO SAM

JACK NO

OH BOY 

OOOOOOHHHH BOOOOOYYYYY

FAM I HATE THEM AND I LOVE THEM

THIS IS HONESTLY HEART BREAKING 

BECAUSE THEY OLY NOW REALISE HOW IN LOVE THEY ARE 

FUCK OFF

I LOVE THEM AND I HATE THEM 

BUT I LOVE THEM MORE 

i got a new computer today and the SOUND QUALITY IS SO MUCH BETTER

Aw Sam woke up first 

lol he wakes up funny 

he’s gonna do anything he can to help her

“you gotta get out of here sir”

“so do you” 

STOP IT YOU LOVE STRUCK NERDS

RUN BABIES RUN 

GET YO ASES OUT OF THERE

Look at that little jump over the rock

they’re in soooo much trouble

the fact these space babies didn’t get court marshalled a mllion times still shocks me 

ouch

that had to hurt

nice camera work

I AM VERY WELL GENERAL HAMMOND

lol 

i fuking love Teal’c 

what a sweetheart

i love him

could be a little less sarcastic to the Tok’ra Jack

I hate them as much as you do but no need to make things worse for yoruself 

this is why they never help you 

cause you are sassy to them

Final Thoughts: 

I love this episode

I love the silly space babies

I love Sam and Jack’s outfits when they go for steak

I love Sam’s hair

A lot

I love Sam in red

its a good colour for her

I genuienly hate the Tok’ra 

they’re useless

Jacob is ok

Martouf is mostly ok

the rest kinda suck tbh

Janet Deserved Better

all in all its a fun episode and I love it and it gives me the giggles which is what we all need right now

So tell me, beautiful people, what is our favourite moment from Upgrades? Lemme know and thanks for reading! 

[sohin-ace]

Bucciarati - Kitten

This is cross-posted from Wattpad and available on AO3.

Enjoy~

It was late in the evening and you were currently sneaking inside the headquarters of Passione with a long coat covering you.

Bruno had sent you on a solo mission and you were out all day. When you came back, it was already very late, you had taken more time than intended to get back to the hideout and most of the gang members were already fast asleep.

You slowly unlocked the door and snuck in as quietly as you could to not disturb the guys and most of all, to not bring attention to the little secret you were currently hiding.

You hugged your long coat close to you as you closed the door carefully, but the moment you were about to turn around and bolt to your room, you were startled by Bruno switching on the light of the entryway.

You gasped loudly and jumped as you whipped your head around. "Y-you scared me Bruno..."

He only crossed his arms against his chest and looked down at you, a stern look on his face.

"Do you know what time it is, young lady?"

Your lips shook slightly as you were trying to find the right words. "I-I... Um... It's- uh... How do I say it..."

"I don't remember sending you to Bamako for this mission. Why. Are. You. This. Late?" He spoke softly but with such a demanding tone it made you even more nervous. You hated making Bruno angry.

"Uhhhh.... You see, I was... When I was coming back.... I had to take a weird path, there was some constructions on the road, and then the cops blocked the main street and also this drunk guy seemed to follow me? Weird. So I panicked but then this Egyptian man came in and did some weird tricks with fire and it was really cool!"

You blurted random things that didn't make any sense to try and make him let you off the hook, but of course, he wasn't buying any of it.

Tired of your bullshit and knowing you would ramble weird things again, he dropped the question and instead pointed at your jacket, his other hand resting on his hip.

"What's with the long coat? It's not even that cold and I'm pretty sure you didn't bring it with you when you left."

Suddenly, a small meow was heard startling both you and Bruno and you tensed up, trying to cover it as best as you could.

"DRUGS!!!! I'm doing drugs!" You blurted out the first excuse that came to your stupid mind and you wanted to slap yourself the moment you said it.

You turned slightly to the side as the little animal moved under your coat and you struggled to hide it from your Capo who was raising a questioning eyebrow at you, almost amused.

"Drugs huh?" he fought back a smirk. "Yeah, that makes absolute sense to bring back drugs here in Passione, and admitting it to me of all people." He pressed on as he watched you squirm.

You struggled even more as another meow came out of your incriminating trench coat and you panicked.

"W-well, it was nice but I'm super tired, I'll see you in the morning, bye Bruno, buona notte-" As you tried to slip past him and run to your room, The tall male quickly grabbed your shoulder and stopped you in your tracks.

"Open the jacket, Y/N."

"N-no, I'm cold..." you shakily argued, not daring looking at him.

"Don't force me to lick your face, Y/N, you know I hate the taste of liars." He spat out with disgust and you gulped, slowly turning around and looking down.

"Please don't lick my face..." you pouted and he insisted.

"Then open the damn jacket, Y/N."

You carefully loosened your grip on the material, and without losing a second, a tiny furry head popped out of your collar, meowing almost agressively at Bruno, as if to tell him to stop nagging you.

The tall male looked at the kitten with astonishment, then at your blushing face.

"Y/N, what's the meaning of this?"

You hugged the cat inside your coat, subconsciously bringing your hand to caress its head as it started nuzzling into your touch, rubbing its face on your neck and letting out loud purrs.

"H-he was all alone in an alley and it was going to rain so I... I thought... Maybe..." you trailed off hesitantly and a bit sad.

You knew he wouldn't let you keep it. It was too much responsibility and Passione was not a stable place to take care of a small animal. But you couldn't just let the poor kitten die alone in the streets.

Bruno's expression softened on you as he sighed fondly. At the end of the day, he couldn't be mad at you, you were just like him. A natural caretaker who couldn't let a fragile being all alone.

"Y/N... I didn't know you liked animals."

He approached you and the kitten hissed at Bruno who was unfazed by the cat's threats. He then tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear and glided his hand from your ear to your chin, lifting your face up to look at him.

"I'll close my eyes on it this time. Prove to me that you can take care of him. I'll talk with the boys, but you have to make sure he won't trouble any of us. Understood?"

You nodded at him, your expression lighting up instantly "Thank you so much Bruno! I won't disappoint you!"

"I know..." he chuckled softly and looked into your beaming eyes, happy and relieved that you were safe and that the reason you were so late was actually just because of your undying kindness towards an animal.

You smiled and he brushed his thumb over your cheek. Upon seeing this, the small cat reached out with his tiny claws and tried to scratch Bruno's wrist away from you.

You tried to calm him down by patting his head again. You looked from the cat to Bruno, a little bit worried.

"... He doesn't like you that much."

"Maybe he's jealous." Bruno looked down smugly at the kitten but his expression soon fell. "I can't blame him... I'm a bit jealous too."

He stared at your delicate fingers caressing the animal and how you lovingly held him against your soft-looking chest, sharing your sweet warmth with him. Bruno suddenly wished that he was that cat. That you would touch him with the upmost care and hold him close against you and feel your heartbeat.

His face felt warm just by thinking about it.

"You? Jealous? Of the kitty?" You questioningly looked from Bruno to the cat who was slowly falling asleep under your tender touch.

Bruno couldn't resist anymore and he leaned down, landing a slow but passionate kiss on your lips. You blushed, startled by his sudden action, but you eventually closed your eyes as you melted into the kiss.

You felt light as Bruno was sending you all his love through his warm lips and you wanted time to stop. Sadly, he separated from you, breaking the kiss painfully slowly as he lingered in the feeling of your soft lips on his. You struggled to open your eyes and looked to his blue ones.

"You're a sweet girl, Y/N." He whispered against your lips and your heart skipped a beat at the subtle contact and his breathy voice. Bruno was so bold yet so gentle.

"Why...?" you asked him while staring at him in a love-struck daze, you brain barely processing what was happening.

"Since now I have competition, I need to step up my game." He glanced at the sleeping cat on your chest and swore to himself that he'd be next. "Did you like it?"

"YES!" You blurted a bit to eagerly and immediately brought a hand to your mouth in shame as your eyes widened. His sultry tone and the tickle of his breath on your skin made you lose your mind.

Bruno chuckled at your cute behavior as he straightened himself up. "Good. See you in the morning, Y/N."

He patted your head and walked away as you tried to calm down your pounding heart down. You slowly and dizzily went to your room, hoping your loud heartbeat wouldn't wake up the little cat.

"Oohh my goodd! So cute !!!" Trish squealed as she came back, only to find what seemed to be the newest member of Passione.

"Oohhh whose kitty is this?? It's so tiny!!" Narancia stared at the baby cat like it was the first time he ever saw one in his life, which was probably the case.

The cat was running and jumping around everywhere until Giorno crouched in font of him and carressed him all over, which made the cat stop and roll to his back, purring and loving each second of Giorno's affection.

"Ew, someone get that gross thing away from me." Abbachio said with disgust.

You looked at him, unsure if he was talking about Giorno or about the cat.

"Why did you bring a cat here? Is capo okay with that?" Mista asked as he turned towards you and you shrugged.

"He's okay as long as I teach him to be clean and not destroy everything."

"What are you gonna call it, Y/N?!" Narancia asked all giddy, obviously happy with the small addition to the team.

"Huh..." You thought for a moment then you looked at the kitten with an idea. "Bacio."

"Ooh that's romantic, Y/N!" Trish said as she played with the cat's paws.

"Hmmmh, in what honor? That's a pretty cute name." Mista questionned teasingly with a little smirk and you looked behind you, noticing Bruno watching the scene from the hallway.

Your face reddened a bit and you looked back at the team surrounding the cat.

"... Oh, just like that." You said softly, a bit to yourself but Mista still heard you.

"...Wait, no!! Don't call it that! It sounds like my name!!!" Abbachio yelled, offended.

"Eeh, no, Bacio is a cute name! It suits the cat better than you anyways!" Narancia said, not even caring what the goth thought.

"I like it too." Giorno said as he glanced at Bruno who was coming to you.

"Bacio, huh?" He stood behind you and you turned your head to nod at him. He smiled and looked at the cat again. "Fitting."

Mista stared back and forth from you to Bruno with a look of pure confusion on his face.

"...Wait. Did something happen with you two? What even is going on? Am I missing something?"

*kevin hart voice* Mind your DAAAAMN MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS MISTA!

[chaoticgirl-writing]

Shut up, Dumbass

Alrighty so here is another lil peek of a book im writing. Idk where im gonna post the finished product but that isnt gonna be for a long while. Anyway I hope you all enjoy this lil bit!!

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugo x Oc

Word count: 1905

Warnings: maybe some mild language, mentions of depression, mentions of su!cide attempt

“Alright, you two. Get some sleep. You both did great today.” The short haired woman smiled softly, lightly kissing her son’s head.

“Get off me, you hag.” The blonde groaned, lightly shoving his mother off.

“Goodnight, Mrs. Bakugo.” The two toned girl said almost inaudibly, laughing when the male lightly shoved her in order to draw her attention from the screen. 

“Katsuki, be nice.” Mitsuki teased. “Kick his ass, Aki.” 

The small girl grinned, shifting to her knees as her fingers moved quickly on the controller. The character she controlled, Sheik, landed a hit on Link, sending him off the platform. “Dammit!” Katsuki cursed, making the girl next to him laugh, earning another shove in response. Link respawned at the top of the screen and hopped back into battle against the female. She easily kicked the male, sending him over the edge once again.

“Quit it!” The blonde growled, attacking the female character once more. Akari simply giggled, easily evading his attack and sending him off the platform once more.

Game Over

“Damnit!”

“Ha! 8th time!”

“You’re not supposed to be talking!”

“Give me my prize, bitch!”

“Stop talking, dumbass!” 

“Make me-” The blonde covered her mouth, silencing her.

“You’ll get ice cream if you shut up-Ew! Did you just lick me?” Snatching his hand back with a look of disgust, Katsuki wiped his hand on the multicolored girl’s sleeve. “You’re gross.”

“And you’re a sore loser. Pay up.” Akari signed, making the blonde grumble with a small smile.

“Tomorrow. We’ll go wherever you want and get ice cream.” He yawned, arms stretching above his head before laying on the girl’s lap.

“You’re a dork.” She whispered, playing with Katsuki’s hair as he put on a movie.

“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes, placing a hand behind her back and leaning back on it, continuing to play with the blonde stands.

The male relaxed on her lap, closing his eyes as soft music played in the background. The small girl silently studied the male’s face, losing herself in her thoughts.

Just months ago he had hardly even taken note of her existence, not even acknowledging the fact that she sat next to him in class. Simply staring blankly when his friends and classmates made nasty comments about her, or shoved her around. Even despite that fact, she decided to confess to him, not caring what happened. 

Maybe he would say he liked her too. Maybe something would come out of nothing, ending the torment that plagued her everyday life.

Instead, he rejected her, saying he could never be with her and walking away. No one seemed to have found out though, and she was grateful that he seemed to have enough, if not respect, then something close to it, for her to keep him from telling the entire school about it.

Then, a mere week or so later, he found her on that rooftop and saved her life. When the school year started and Bakugo realized they were in the same class, he became more protective of her suddenly. He was always taking care of her and doing all he could to keep her safe.

Meanwhile, Katsuki was stuck in his own thoughts.

When Akari confessed to him, he was startled. He had never talked to the once dark haired girl before that, and hearing that she admired him despite that fact made him feel something that he didn't quite like. Guilt? Doubt? He didn’t quite know, and he wasn’t used to it. Sure, he was quite used to girls walking up to him and trying to flirt with him, or ask him on a date, but he always declined, they never piqued his interest. This girl however, did all that and more. 

When she confessed to him, she began by stating the little things she had grown to find charming about him. Things he didn’t even seem to notice, let alone the other girls that had tried catching his attention. 

“The way you furrow your eyebrows when you get lost in thought, or the way you gently chew on your lip before raising your hand to answer a question. The little nervous tic you have where you tap your middle finger and thumb together and bounce your knee, or the way you twirl your pencil while reading through a question on a test. Your eyes soften, you get this warm smile and the tension in your shoulders relax when you talk about becoming a hero. You act all tough, but it’s obvious that there’s a part of you that’s scared. Everything about you is quite.. poetic in a way, Bakugo, and I’m sorry for laying all of this on you, but I couldn’t just let it go without saying. I couldn’t let something like this just disappear into the void without even giving you a chance to hear it.”

His chest tightened as her words replayed in his head.

She had already made her choice when she told me.

Red eyes flickered to the bright green ones above him, clouded with emotion as she stared at the television.

Could I have changed her mind?

A lump formed in the blonde’s throat.

If I had realized my feelings towards her sooner-

He struggled to swallow the lump as he sat up slowly, eyes the color of peacock feathers on a sunny day flickered to him.

If I had actually waited before walking away, if I had actually put thought into it there and not after I had caught her from falling off of that building would things be different-

“Katsuki?” The soft sound of her raspy voice pulled him from the thoughts plaguing his head.

Ruby eyes remained unreadable as they searched her face for some sort of answer, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“Katsuki?” She tried once more, a soft hand gently resting on his cheek making his eyes soften. “Is everything alright?” He stayed silent, continuing to search her face as his larger calloused hand rested on top of hers. They stayed there for a moment, silently studying the other’s features, oblivious to the fact the gap between them was slowly decreasing by the second.

It was only when their faces were millimetres from meeting that the blonde’s ruby orbs glanced down at the girl’s slightly parted lips in a silent ask for permission. She didn’t respond, senses on overdrive as she allowed her eyes to close and the space between them to shrink even more. His lips gently brushed against hers, and-

Snapping her eyes open, Akari practically leaped from the mattress, the pillow on her lap toppling to the floor as she stood.

“I need to..” Her feet moved before she could think of a proper end to her sentence, leading her out the door to his bedroom and down the stairs.

“Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” Their voices rang into the empty air around them in unison.

“Damnit, Katsuki, why did you try to kiss her?”

“Akari, why didn’t you kiss him?” 

Their hands trembled as they each muttered curses to themselves. Him for doing something to, what he assumed was making her uncomfortable, and her for chickening out last second.

“He was right there you could’ve-” A growl escaped her lips as she held her hands out and attempted to strangle the air in frustration.

“Why the hell would she kiss you? She already told you how she felt and you being the dumbass you are told her no.” Bakugo groaned in irritation as he ran his fingers through his hair and glanced at the clock.

7:54pm

“I probably stink from the sports festival.” He stood, pushing his irritation to the back of his mind as he turned off the movie and gathered his things for a shower before making  his way to the bathroom.

The multicolored girl sluggishly made her way back upstairs, hating the thought of being alone in such a big house without a voice if she were to need to use her quirk or call out for help. 

You’re such an idiot. You’ve liked him for how long? And yet you still chickened out when given the chance to kiss him? You’re such a coward.

She paused for a moment at the door, mustering up the courage to go back in and face him, to apologize for freaking out over nothing, and maybe asking for a redo.

Opening the door, what was left of her voice caught in her throat and her hands stilled as she came face to face with an empty room. The remote Katsuki had been using was placed on the shelf with the gaming console below the television, the one she had been using on the bed where she had left it. The sound of the shower turning on across the hall answered the silent question of where the blonde had gone.

Moving over to her bag, Aki pulled out a worn hardcover black notebook and a pen, before settling down on the mattress and beginning to write.

It was moments like these where she would write down one of those “letters” that she usually had no intention of giving to the person it was directed to. Oftentimes, those “letters” turned into songs, ones that she would hope to be able to perform for someone, anyone, even the person she wrote it for.

This would be a lot easier if I had my guitar or something. 

She sighed, writing down the rhythm in a mix of Morse code like symbols and music notes.

Katsuki’s shower finished sooner than he would’ve normally liked, often standing under the hot water until it turned cold, thus being the reason why he showered after his parents went to sleep. He was nervous to go back to his room in fear of what Aki might say, but he knew he had to at some point.

Steam filled the hallway as he opened the door, taking note of the slightly cracked door of his bedroom.

Why are you acting like this? It’s just Aki.

Opening the door, his heart fluttered at the sight before him. The small girl sat with a leg laid out straight, the other bent as she wrote in a notebook placed on her knee. The soft sound of her humming filled the bedroom as he stood in the doorway. 

Gently twirling the pen in her hand, she tilted her head back, resting it on the wall as she thought of what to write next.

“My luck couldn’t get any worse.” She chuckled lightly, twirling the pen once more before sitting back up and writing something down, not seeming to notice the blonde standing at the door.

“Hey.” He called softly making the two toned haired girl jump and clutch the notebook to her chest as her face heated up in embarrassment. She opened her mouth to speak before opting for a simple wave. “Listen I-” Fists clenched at his sides as he sighed, looking towards the ceiling, searching for the right words to say.

Quietly setting her notebook down on the bed, Akari stood and moved towards him, her heart fluttering at the thought of what she was about to do.

“I’m sorry-” A small hand tilted his chin down, the small girl placing her free hand on the back of his neck and gently pulling him towards her as she stood on her toes to help close the distance between them.

“Shut up, Dumbass.” 

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

alright everyone raise your hand if you know where this is going.....yeah im sorry, this is about to be a train wreck of a vent post

okay so ur local teen is a smidge anxious and upset if i do say so myself. for the main reasons, of course. i’ve done literally nothing all summer, and the jealousy and anger is catching up with me, and it’s really just *chef’s kiss*. um, im also PMS-ing so that’s probably why i’ve consistently felt like shit for DAYS on end. um, i cant really tell my mom that i “can’t see myself when i look in the mirror, it’s not a trans thing, it’s called i think im fucking losing it” or something similar, not anything else. it’s um.....i absolutely hate it. i cant really talk to my therapist right now, which limits my options to family and friends. i /could/ talk to my family, but i wouldnt want to worry them, and i dont want them to send me to a psych ward. and i know that my friends are here, and they always are, but i dont want them to worry, a lot of them have jobs, and i also feel like i overshare a lot....i do overshare a lot, actually, and ive realized that it’s kinda frowned upon. so im not gonna do that. (check back in with me, this is going to cause me to bottle my emotions) i cant really find the healthy medium between those two.

let me just talk about fandom shit really quickly, because my god, i belong to a few and theyre notorious for being “toxic”. okay so, fandoms arent toxic, people are toxic. a lot of the time, a large group in that fandom have done something really shitty, or are known for something really shitty, and everyone forms one negative opinion of that group of people. kinda like stereotyping, but not quite. let me talk about BNHA for a bit. this fandom is known for “being toxic” now, let me say, i see a LOT of shit going on, a lot of discourse, and its nasty as fuck. its gross. my rule is “do what you want within reason” i just....jesus the shit going on...um. so it’s gross sexualizing of minors, all that shit, ew, nasty, disgusting, hate it. but like...bad things make it harder for me to enjoy a piece of media that BRINGS ME LEGIT JOY. like bad ppl, just SHUT THE FUCK UP, let me enjoy this. i go “am i a bad person for liking this” no, no im not, theres just a fuck ton of bad apples who kinda fuck everything up for everyone. thats it. 

and heyy, this is where we get into deep rooted issues. i have intrusive thoughts. i usually dont dwell on them, because of my relationship of “if you think this will happen, it will, especially if it’s a bad thing” and like?? i have a grandfather who’s older, im terrified of something happening to him, my dad is older, im terrified of something happening to him too. my mom as well. and especially my brother. and me too, like of course me! i have random aches and i go “is this it, am i just gonna die from this” and there’s the constant fear that i have of “i could be secretly dying and know nothing about it.” which is fun to think about. and sometimes before i go to sleep, i think “i could wake up and be dead” so thats also lots of fun to think about. my thoughts are terrifying. as well as that, i know they’re also probably not that normal. for someone of my age, absolutely not. there’s no way that im not like??? losing it with these thoughts.

also i hate the fact that my parents are arguing over some of the dumbest shit. i can hear my mom talk about my dad from MY ROOM, she’s in the kitchen, all the way across the house. and she does the same thing with me, which i hate. it hurts to have people talk about you, but especially behind your back. when they might think that they cant hear you. i hate that she does that. if she has a problem with me, please say it to my face, it’s gonna hurt, but i honestly dont even care enough, like thanks for damaging me, but saying that i keep “doing this shit” years ago, still sticks with me.

i sleep all day (because i go to sleep at 4, 5 in the morning) and also because being awake reminds me that im wasting my life, and my time. there’s also like nothing to do. i could clean, but for what? if i bake too early in the morning, i get frustrated, and scared that im just gonna feel sick (another fear of mine, yayyy), like i have when i bake too early. going outside is boring, i cant go outside of the house. my friends in town probably arent vaccinated, so theres that. my mom thinks im seeing one specific person (and im not) and for sexual reasons, in which, thanks a lot. it’s not even for that reason. i just want a hug, that’s it. it’s literally so simple. i want a hug, and to sit in the park and just bask in the sunlight with people that actually love and appreciate me. for once. but apparently i cant.

im just....done with everything. and tired.

i honestly need a fucking psychological evaluation, so does the rest of my fucking family. im tired of not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me. there’s no way that the normal person does these things, and thinks these thoughts. 

but yeah um, if ur under 18, write smut, do what you want, but dont show your naked ass on the internet bestie, it’s not worth the trauma.

yes, i write smut, yes its what im known for, HOWEVER, my mutuals dont see me in a sexual light, they see me as me, ellie the kiddo who writes smut and who also bakes occasionally.

ima go eat.

[yurimother]

Top 34 Yuri Anime

From mid-February to mid-March Akiba held a poll asking viewers what their favorite anime series were. Over 50,000 votes were counted and in the end, they organized the 34 entries by votes to declare which series was the most popular. While not including every yuri series, these titles do vary wildly from pulse-pounding action to salacious dramas and subtext filled slice of life shows. Of course, the eternal problem with popularity polls is that they only show what is, well... popular. So I have decided to organize the same 34 series into my own list, based on a mixture person preference, influence, and historical importance to the genre. Note that this list is not exhaustive, as there are more than just these 34 Here we go!

34. Kuttsukiboshi – No surprise here. While impressive from a technical standpoint, as this two episode series was written, directed, and animated by one may, Nayoya Ishikawa, this impressive feat does nothing to sate the deep loathing I have for Kuttsukiboshi. I found it not only nonsensical but disgusting and offensive at almost every turn.

33. Maria Holic – Ok this one has some funny moments and a solid opening theme but mostly it is about a cross-dressing sadist abusing the hell out of one of the cringiest characters ever written.

32. Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid – ew

31. Seraphim Call – Certainly not the worst but age really took a toll on this anime. It is entirely lost to history, only obtaining 12 votes in the original poll.

30. Love To-LIE-Angle - FANTASTIC TITLE, gross series that was forgotten before it even finished

29. Kurau: Phantom Memory – whut

28. Hidamari Sketch – How did this below average series get as many anime adaptations as it did?

27. Candy Boy – 2007 - 2009 was weird. I actually like parts of this one, as it is really cute, but you have to turn your brain off because full out incest. I have not heard about this one since 2009 and that seems to be cool with everyone involved.

26. The Girl in Twilight – I had never heard of this before doing this piece, which says a lot about this anime’s cultural importance. But it is a good watch.

25. El Cazador de la Bruja – worth one good watch and that’s about it.

24. My-HiME – Raise your hand if you have heard of this one. That is what I thought, and yet it is #13 on the original list.

23. Pandora in the Crimson Shell: Ghost Urn – There is no real place to put this one and that says more about it than I ever could.

22. Blue Drop – Weird show, you should watch it, but not memorable

21. Simoun – This one is actually a sort of hidden gem but it is lost to history for most people.

20. Destiny of the Shrine Maiden – It baffles me how this mostly mediocre mecha series was so popular. That being said, the ending of episode 11 is some of my favorite directing ever.

19. Saki – Ya know, you never hear about this one but it is actually one of the most popular, and was #6 in the poll. It is basically a mahjong sports style anime so I have no idea how it is so popular but hey, lots of people swear by it. The ultimate you “love it or hate it” show for a lot of people strangely as well.

18. Netsuzou Trap -NTR – I held off as long as I could. While really popular I cannot stand this anime, my loathing of it is rivaled only by Kuttsukiboshi.

17. Sasameki Koto – A pretty well-known yuri series. The books are FAR better, but still an enjoyable watch beloved by many yuri fans.

16. Inugami-san to Nekoyama-san – It pains me to not be able to place this one higher, as it is one of my favorites and so hilarious, but overall there are other series that just deserve to be above it.

15. Konohana Kitan – Adorable, just adorable.

14. Black Rock Shooter – It's astonishing that an (admittedly awesome) character design can spawn multiple anime adaptations, a hit song, and its own franchise. The anime adaptation packs some good old-fashion emotional suffering and cool fights but nothing really beyond that.

13. Strike Witches – Far more popular and influential than it has any right to be. One of the most salacious shows on this list I always feel uncomfortable watching it but I do love the characters.

12. Yuri Kuma Arashi – The creators behind this were clearly not sober and probably could have used a cold shower for other reasons as well, but it is an INCREDIBLE anime with some of the best, although extraordinarily odd, writing.

11. Liz and the Blue Bird – Things are starting to get a bit difficult now, this one is actually hard to place. Being only a year old we are not sure of the impact it has but the movie is beautiful and stunning with some really bad pacing.

10. Sakura Trick – Full of fluffy fanservice, and pretty popular. This is one that almost every yuri fan will enjoy.

9. Maria Watches Over Us – The show that revived the sister-love story, a lot of the most popular yuri would not exist if not for this gentle diamond.

8. Yuruyuri – A yuri somehow becomes one of the best slice of life series of all time. Its fame is well deserved, as the memorable characters and dynamics can be enjoyed for many, many viewings.

7. Bloom Into You – What started as a run of the mill yuri series became one of the most well-loved. One of the biggest anime of last year and a darn good yuri to boot. I wonder how we will look back on this one a decade later.

6. Citrus – DEAR GOD. I know how controversial this series is for many people and that some of you want to grab pitchforks right about now in response to me placing this high on the list but hear me out. Whatever your feelings about Citrus, and there is plenty of valid criticism to make, it is a very influential and popular anime. It scored the top spot on Akiba’s list by over 5000 votes. For me, it holds a special spot as the first real review I ever wrote (thank you, Erica, for the opportunity).

5. Sweet Blue Flowers – We are in the top five now, yet I still feel that I have placed this series far too low. It is one of the most grounded yuri series and ten years later its impact on the genre is still clear.

4. Strawberry Panic! – This was my first yuri and will always be special to me for this. But, there is no doubt that this series is actually worse than a lot of the ones lower than it on this list. I can almost feel the seething rage directed towards me for placing what can realistically be described as an aging, parodied, melodrama so high.Yet, as I gaze through my strawberry colored glasses, I see that Strawberry Panic has a magic to it. For so many in the American community, it holds a special place and I have heard my story with it reflected so often that I just started writing it on a speech bubble on the inside of the glasses I wear at conventions so that I know what people are saying to me when my mind wanders off. There is a reason it is nicknamed the gateway of yuri.

3. Kase-san and Morning Glories – A simply stunning, beautiful, and realistic story, this OVA movie is unlike any yuri before it. It holds nothing back in its yuri in its realistic depiction of a lesbian relationship. Kase-san is the best anime to come from twenty-gay-teen it just might change the genre forever.

2. Puella Magi Madoka Magica – Speaking of changing a genre, PMMM, my favorite anime of all time, did something truly incredible. Not since sailor moon as such a social phenomenon sprung from a magical girl series. The perfect writing, postmodern use of tropes, philosophy, and just pure awe-inspiring nature of the show has not been forgotten years later. The legacy of such a widely celebrated series is nothing short of god-like.

1. Revolutionary Girl Utena – Was there ever really any doubt? This series defined what yuri is for a generation. It is one of the defining works of LGBT and feminist media and possibly one of the most important pieces to come out of 90′s anime. Yuri, as we know it may not exist, were it not for this legendary series.

Well, that was fun but exhausting. Of course, this list is not perfect and I am sure that you more than disagree with me in a few places and I would love to hear them. Send me an ask, post a reply, tag me on twitter @HolyYuriMother for the love of the great yuri goddess! I want to know what you think, what series do you love? What anime do you hate? What nonsense thing did I say that just deserves to be torn apart? I want to know!

You can check out the original list on Akiba.

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