#like my mental health was the lowest its been

[dappersautismcreature]

this is gonna be so sappy forgive me lmao

i have been alone on christmas before, ive been stuck at home while my mom was away with my sister, my dad was recovering from surgery, my dog was too, and just imagining how id sob if i had the community i have now to support me through that.

the qsmp team recognizing that and putting together a fun, funny, sweet, calming, gathering place stream is one of the sweetest things ive seen. i know if im ever alone on christmas, or ever feeling alone in general, i know i at least have this community to turn to. and that sweet vod to watch.

ive never been great at interacting online, its always seemed like a colder way of communicating to me, I struggle with it. but the people on here, you guys are full of warmth and genius ideas and are genuinely hilarious. every single one of you <3 its been a pleasure to post about qsmp with you guys for like, nine months.

due to a lot of weirdness surrounding friendships at the start of this year, with a few friends just totally ditching me, ive really needed to feel somewhat safe with people I interact with. thank you for being so kind and awesome, i feel safe in this space, lmao.

every single one of you, that celebrates christmas, i wish you the happiest of holidays. and if its not great, if its loud and scary and stressful and whatever, a bit of gary advice from someone who's been there, a day is a day, you can create the feeling whenever. do not hold joy to one day. holidays, even if nothing bad happens, can still be stressful, but that isn't eternal.

happy christmas, all that junk

[eileennatural]

the thing they don't tell you is that chronic pain -- like, any level, even if it's not "debilitating" and you can still perform all the activities of daily living -- is so depressing. when half your energy every day goes towards just tolerating the pain, of course you're going to be meaner, less productive, more isolated and more tired and thus feel worse about yourself. not even to mention that, if your condition is degenerative, living with this pain every day and KNOWING this is the best you'll ever feel again can make you feel SO hopeless. which is WHY any pain management program, especially those using controlled substances like opioids need to be paired with mental health support or else the physician is just setting the patient up for at best, failure of the program and at worst, a fucking opioid addiction

[mostlymarvelsstuff]

Not Alone

Authors note: My mental health is currently in the toilet (once again, I'm sorry y'all I'm trying so hard to get my one-shots out and finish up my multi chapter stories) so I wrote this to help myself feel better. Maybe it'll help some of y'all too ❤

Summary: Y/n has been suffering with immense negativity from her mental illnesses. Normally when this she self isolates and waits for it to pass, not a good coping skill surely but it keeps her safe. But this time, unbeknownst to her, Natasha has observed her slight changes and struggles during this period. So when Y/n takes a sudden leave, Nat knows she has to do something to show how much she cares and prove to Y/n that she's not alone.

Warnings: alludes to: anxiety, depression, PTSD, spiraling, suicidal ideation

Word count: 1773

Natasha Masterlist Marvel Masterlist

   It was movie night at the Avengers tower, and much to Natashas dismay you were once again absent. It wasn’t normal for you to miss out on things with the team, either as a whole or one on one hangouts. But for the past few weeks that's exactly what's been happening. It was gradual at first, but as time went on your lack of involvement only grew and your excuses as to why eventually stopped entirely. And while the rest of the team has taken notice of this behavior and is also a bit worried, it's Natasha who is affected most by your absence.

   She had thought that she was just being anxious due to her feelings for you mixed with the sudden distance you were making. But then she realized that was only part of the reason. What really impacted her were the changes she perceived in you. At first it was small things, like you losing focus during a meeting or skipping breakfast. But things had escalated, and far too quickly as far as she was concerned. Your gaze had become distant, your smile failed to be as bright, your laugh lacked its usual luster, you were eating less and sleeping more. But worst of all, you were throwing yourself into whatever mission came along. Even if you weren’t healed up from the last one yet.

   Unfortunately she knew exactly the headspace you were currently in, and she knew it wasn’t a good place for anyone to be. But especially you. It honestly hurt her to watch you suffer as you were, retreating in on yourself instead of seeking help. Or at least seeking her out, you usually confided in her whenever anything was bothering you. But she knew this made her a bit of a hypocrite because back when she was a new SHIELD recruit and struggling like this she certainly wasn’t letting Clint through the walls she built around herself, no matter how hard he tried to be there for her. But to her credit, when she was at her worst, she did reluctantly seek the archer out and let him in. 

   While she wants the same outcome for you, she doesn’t want you to have to hit your lowest point like she had before you reached out and accepted help. So she decides that she needs to act first and approach you. Maybe it's because she knows her friendship with you is closer than her and Clints had been at the time or maybe it's because she's hopeful that you return her feelings and have a bit of a weak spot for her, either way she's almost sure that you’ll be more recipient than she’d been. Which is why she finds herself quietly getting up from the sofa and slipping out of the room just as the movie begins to play. 

   She heads down the hall for the elevator but decides she doesn’t have the patience for it and so she opts for the stairs instead. She gets to your floor and heads straight for your door, where she doesn't hesitate to knock. As expected she receives no answer from you but it doesn’t deter her from knocking again.

   “Y/n, I know you're in there. Don’t make me pick the lock” she says. And it had been an attempt at a joke, but when she still gets no sign of movement from you she decides to do just that

   Your door opens with a familiar squeak that has you shifting in your bed, and your brows furrow as you watch Natasha reclose your door, “Didn’t think you were serious”

   “I’m always serious” she replies, knowing that outward image was far from what she allowed you to see

   “Not with me you aren’t” you grumble, managing to briefly make the corners of her mouth twitch in amusement. 

    But that amusement doesn’t last long as she takes in the state of your room. The blinds are shut with curtains drawn and a blanket has even been hung up over the curtain rod to block out all possible light from entering the space. Your dirty clothes are no longer limited to the hamper in the corner and are instead tossed recklessly about the floor. Your trashcan is shoved full of take out containers, a few dirty dishes are stacked on your nightstand, and the only light source is your dim bedside lamp.

   Her eyes scan over your appearance next and her heart sinks further. Based on your messy hair, dark eye bags, paler than usual complexion and crumpled up blankets she can assume that your prolonged stay in bed hasn’t been a restful one. Your scowl deepens when you notice her looking you over and you subconsciously shift under her gaze.

   “Can I help you with something Natasha, or do you just not get the hint that silence means I’d rather be alone?”

   She sighs and tries not to take your cold demeanor to heart. She knows you're just trying to keep yourself from being vulnerable with her. She decides to test her luck and steps further into the room, and when you don’t say anything about how close she is now she takes a seat on the edge of your bed.

   “I’m worried about you” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper

   “I’m fine” 

   “I know what fine means, Y/n.” she states, her gaze softening as she looks at you again, “And I know you aren’t okay right now”

   “I don’t need to be checked up on Natasha, I’m capable of looking out for myself and I’m telling you that I am okay.” you tell her, but the lie is more difficult to get out to her than you anticipated

   “Don’t do that.” You swallow the lump in your throat and she continues, “Don’t lie to me. Please” 

    “Why do you assume I’m lying?”

   “Other than the fact that I’m a world renown spy you mean? Or the fact that you never shut me out like you've been doing?” She turns towards you more and reaches out for your hand, and though you stiffened at the contact she isn’t deterred, “I know because I’ve been where you are, and I know it's a hell of a road to go down alone.”

    Part of you wants to admit that she's right, to confide in her like you normally would until your walls all come crashing down and you're letting everything out through tears while she wraps you up in her embrace. But the other part of you is still hesitant to be vulnerable, especially with Natasha. Once she saw those darker parts of you, those thoughts and feelings that you wish you didn't have but dealt with in some part daily, you were sure she’d turn away just like everyone else who offered to be there for you. And honestly that was something you knew your heart just couldn’t take. Not with meaning as much to you as she did now.

   “Hey” she gently calls out, likely sensing your inner turmoil, “You don’t have to suffer in silence alone, because you're not alone. I’m right here, and I hate seeing you like this. Please let me in. Even if I can’t help, I can at least be here to support you. Please don't keep shutting me out”

   You aren’t sure if it was the honesty and vulnerability in her voice, or the unshed tears in her eyes that finally had you breaking, but you suppose that didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that you were finally letting her in.

   “I don’t know what to do anymore Tasha” you admit as your voice trembles, and you push past your tears to keep going, “Everything just gets so hard and it's like I can’t even function. All I can do is the bare minimum, and thats so fuckin pathetic. I’m an adult, an Avenger for god's sake, and all I can do is lay in bed and wish I just didn’t even exist”

   “Detka(baby), no. It’s not pathetic, not at all. With everything you’ve gone through and how tough life has been for you, it makes sense that you’d have some days where that all just gets to be too much”

   You can’t help but scoff, “So many people have gone through what I have and they don’t struggle like this. And so many people have it worse. Just look at Bucky, or Wanda. Hell, even you- ”

   “Don’t do that, don’t compare your struggles to others. Everyones brains are different and everyone handles their traumas differently too. What matters is these things affect you, and sometimes you struggle because of them. That's it, no one else's situation bears any sort of weight on what you went through or how you deal with it.”She stresses, “You are allowed to feel how you feel, and you're allowed to not be okay.”

   A sob finally slips past your lips and without a second thought you're sitting up and flinging yourself at the redhead. She quickly wraps her arms around you and pulls you close, letting one hand soothe your back while her other gently cradles the back of your head. Your hands clutch at the fabric of her shirt tightly and you bury your face in the crook of her neck, letting your tears fall against her skin. She doesn’t mind honestly, she's just happy to be the one that you get to turn to when things get hard.

    “I just don’t wanna be here sometimes Tasha, it all gets to be too much.”

    “I know detka(baby), I know. But I am so proud of you for continuing on and so glad that you are here. You are so important. And even more so to me” she whispers, kissing the top of your head

    “I just feel so lost. So alone.”

    “I know, but I’ve got you now and I’m not letting you go. We’ll figure things out together. I promise. Whatever you need Y/n, therapy or time off missions, I’ll help you get it.” she says, tightening her hold on you, “Good days or bad, I’ll be right here.”

   The conviction she speaks with lets you know she means every word, and you know she’s not leaving your side.  You know you're safe in her embrace, and you feel incredibly grateful knowing she's going to be there to help care for you. And though you're still reeling from the turmoil within your head, you find yourself feeling like maybe things were going to start looking up from now on, as long as you had Natasha beside you.

Taglist: @wandaromamoff69 @mmmmokdok @nataliasknife @natashasilverfox @when-wolves-howl @danveration @naomi-m3ndez @sheneonromanoff @sayah13 @likefirenrain @nighttime-dreaming @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @readings-stuff @chaoticevilbakugo @crystalstark02 @wackymcstupid @xchaiix @iaminluvwithnat @lovelyy-moonlight @blackwidow-3 @mistressofinsomnia @that-one-gay-mosquito @yomamagf @yourfavdummy @justarandomreaderxoxo @scoutlp23-blog @whoischanelle15 @lissaaaa145 @eline03 @wizardofstories @imthenatynat @marvelonmymind @fluffyblanketgecko @bitch-616 @dakotastormm  @zoomdeathknight @rayeofmoonlight @aeroae @sashawalker2

[clixxx7]

i hate that autism has become seen as more of a 'quirky personality' that what it is, which is a disability.

I dont just spend my days flapping my hands around and being cute autistic girl despite what people think when they notice i have autism. It completely effects every aspect of my life, i cannot go to school or communicate properly, i can have extreme verbal shutdowns that go on for weeks, i have meltdowns that last hours on end of hitting myself in the head and trying to quite literally get my skin off bc it feels 'wrong', i don't have cute special interests like trains or mermaids and i will force myself to stay up for days to create extremely detailed and long analysis' of whatever criminal has recently become my obsession. I cannot recognise hunger until its painful and makes me feel sick, i cannot recognise the feeling of being full until its painful and makes me feel sick. I cannot recognise needing to go to the toilet until I'm literally about to piss myself. Because of my autism i have hypermobility and lax joints which increases risk of early arthritis by a lot, both my ankles and knees are fucked and i can randomly collapse after just taking and step and my ankle or knee gives out. Extreme phobias i have like emetophobia and nyctophobia are all linked to autism, panic attacks and anxiety attacks i have are all linked to autism, my insomnia and severe burn-outs are all linked to autism.

And its not just me:

Just 30% of autistic adults in the UK are in any form of paid employment. This is amongst the lowest rates of employment for people with additional needs or disabilities. Seven out of ten autistic people have a mental health condition such as anxiety, depression or OCD. Autistic people are more likely to be in abusive relationships and, from childhood, are more likely to experience sexual and emotional abuse. It’s estimated that autistic women are three times likelier to be sexually assaulted than non-autistic women. 1/3 of autistic people are fully non verbal and will never speak. 70–80% of children and adults with autism experience or have experienced mental health problems in their lifetime. At least 3 in 4 autistic children have experienced or exerience bullying. About 50% of autistic people deal with substance abuse or addiction at some point. Nearly nine in 10 autistic women have been victims of sexual violence.

Autism isnt a personality trait its a disability and people need to recognise that, having autism sucks balls man, it takes so many opportunities and careers from you, especially because the world is made for neurotypical people and allistics.

[oharababe]

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME | MIGUEL O'HARA

✮ premise. . miguel notices that you’re not your usual self. it concerns him that the sunshine he knows you as is losing your light. he decides to get to the point of it and checks on you.

✮ tags. . tired sunshine reader + grumpy concern miguel, light hurt/comfort, afab reader. divider creds: cafekitsune.

✮ wc. . 3,600

a/n; this piece is reposted from my old blog and originally was supposed to be in two parts. but i've decided to just combine them into one. this fic is a sign to make sure to include self-care in your routine! should have taken my own advice bc now my mental health is delincing. but i am slowly regaining my strength and forcing myself for self-care ♡

“Hey, do you think she’s alright?” 

Miguel glares at the young variants of Spider-People from the holographic screen. As the leader of the society, he’s expected to oversee things. The multiverse and Spider-People are in the building and on missions. He sees Miles, Gwen, Hobie and Pavitr in the hallways. Miguel assumes they're going to his office to deliver their mission logs from the mission he gave them. 

Miguel turns to look at the screen; there should be five of them coming back. He stares at the screen a little longer, red eyes hoping to glimpse a familiar figure. You are not with the young variants. 

Pavitr mentions your name and adds, “Perhaps she’s feeling unwell today.” 

“I don’t think I would use ‘unwell’ to describe her today,” Gwen says. “It’s more like she’s—”

“Angry?” Hobie guesses. “On edge? Like the way I would express my anger and hatred to the PMs and oppression of society?”

“Pretty much,” Gwen’s voice trails. “She seems more tired than she usually is. It’s not like her, you know?”

“Maybe we can get her something and check up on her after this.” Miles suggests. 

This shouldn’t surprise Miguel; the mission he gave you wasn’t an easy one. He assigned you to lead the team this time, trusting your abilities and judgement. Outcomes of every mission you come back from bring him neutrally satisfied and at ease. You’re usually the one who updates him about the mission. Hiding nothing from him, even with things that someone in your assigned team has done will make his blood boil. You’re a person Miguel relies on and trusts a lot. He depends on you to keep the multiverse safe, and depending on your presence, to remind him of what he’s fighting for. 

Hearing the young Spider-Heroes talk about your unusual behaviour keeps him attentive. He knows you. Well, everyone in the Alchemax building knows what you’re like. The bright and cheerful spider-heroine, your presence and energy, lightens the room. Everyone in the building would believe that you are a ray of sunshine in human form. Delightful to be around, and everyone comes to you because you give people some sort of comfort. You might as well be the Spider Society’s very own Spider-Sunshine. 

Miguel slowly descended at his preferred pace. He knows that the youngsters are coming to see him, but you’re not. It troubles him and hides it by being inquisitive; “Lyla, what’s the status of her? Has she been injured during the mission?” 

His holographic assistant appears next to him. “There hasn’t been a report of major injuries based on the mission’s footage.” 

“Is she still in the building?” 

“Yes, she is. In her room. She’s asked not to be disturbed.” 

“Miguel!” A female voice echoes. Miguel withholds himself from sighing at being interrupted to ask his assistant more. “We’re back.” 

“Reporting for duty!” Pavitr adds. 

Miguel turns around to see the younger Spider-Men and Spider-Gwen. Though the platform has reached its lowest stop, he’s still towering over the four of them. Looking at Miles, Gwen, Hobie and Pavitr from above. “Mission report?” 

“It’s all good, Miguel! We caught the anomaly as planned.”

“The clean-up team arrived on the scene and there were no casualties,” Gwen says. “Though I think I might have to check myself for a chiropractor.” She mumbles, and slowly rotates her right arm, touching her shoulder. 

“Hmph.” Miguel’s eyes bore mindless. Seeing there’s no sight of you irks him a little. After a few seconds of silence, he glances at the four of them. “How is she?”

“She?” Miles’ voice echoes. His eyes widen in realisation, probably because he’s intimidated by the way Miguel is glaring. “She’s uh… she’s okay. She just needs to recharge herself after a hard mission.” 

“Oh, and she said that she’ll send you the log missions,” Gwen says. 

“Good,” his response is simple. The air goes quiet, thoughts in his mind running at the thought of seeing you. Though you didn’t say how she would report back to him about the mission given you’ve retrieved as soon as you got back. “Will she be coming soon in person?”

“Don’t know about that.” Hobi glances. “It seems that she wants to be alone for the day.” 

Miguel lets out a dissatisfied hum. “Alright. You all may go now.” 

The young spider-heroes variants take their exit and soon the room belongs to him alone. 

He was hoping to see you after the mission. And, strangely, he hasn’t seen you in person for the day. The last communication he had with you was when he told you about putting you in charge of a mission to investigate and capture any anomalies in a different Earth multiverse. You sounded as fine as you normally are to him. 

Miguel thinks back to the conversation earlier, about your unusual behaviour. A part of him feels that you are almost acting closed off. Withdrawal. He knows that feeling all too well. “Lyla, are you sure no one was hurt during the mission?”

Lyla gives him an apologetic look and shakes her head. “Nothing, boss-man. Or else the medical team would report it in their system logs.” 

Suddenly there’s a look on her face; her eyes twinkling coyness as her smile widens into a grin. “Are you that worried about her, Miguel?” 

Miguel grumbles and looks away, hoping that his assistant doesn’t see his face twisting in annoyance and somewhat flustered. Today doesn’t seem to be his day that goes according to plans. His mind finds himself back to you again for the nth time. He hates to admit it, but he is concerned about you. Especially when the youngsters said. He just hopes that it’s just your tiredness that could be the reason for it. 

“If she hasn’t sent the mission logs by tomorrow, remind her again of it,” Miguel instructs. “And make today her day off. Make sure no one disturbs her until she’s ready.”

“Hey Miguel, Peter B. is on the call for you.”

Miguel didn’t bother to throw a glance at Lyla next to him. He is anticipating him to call him anyway. Peter is the team leader for the particular mission he was assigned to to save another dimension. “Put him through.”

Peter B’s hologram appears in front of him as Miguel keeps an eye on the surveillance. He can hear his friend’s voice without looking at him. “Hey, Miguel. The mission has gone well today. There’s a bit of damage control that needs to be sorted out, so could you call the Damage Control team?”

“What happened out there?” Miguel’s voice was stern. Even though he can see everything from the Spider Society, he wants to hear it himself from Peter Parker. He notices that a mishap happened that almost changed the canon event. Even though it didn't happen, Miguel couldn’t help but feel annoyance rising in him.

“Well,” he sees Peter touching the back of his neck. There’s hesitation in his expression as Peter glances at him once again. “We managed to dodge the bullet of what happened. You know, prevent the disruption of the canon events. But, Sunny has taken a bit too much at heart. I think she’s having a hard time, Miguel. It looks like she’s struggling.”

Miguel can’t help but raise a brow at him when Peter brings up your name. He tries to conceal the troubled expression on his face. Red eyes stare at Peter for an explanation. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, she’s not, you know, sunny. Not like herself.” Peter says.

Miguel is certain that this isn’t the first time he’s heard about you like that. He remembers the younger Spider-Heroes talking about you the way Peter is talking. About how you seem different. More withdrawn, and quiet, and he noticed that you weren’t as engaging as you usually are during missions. 

“Alright, thanks, Peter. The Damage Control team will be with you shortly.”

Peter B. nods then his hologram disappears. Miguel looks back at the surveillance footage and watches you on the screen. Swinging from one place to another and throwing punches and kicks at the enemy. You’re a fighter and a well-trained one too. But he notices something different about the way you carry yourself in the fights. It’s swift, aggressive, and full of anger from the movements of your body. Miguel has never seen you fight like that before. You look unstoppable. 

He needs to see you and have a word with you. 

* * * * *

The mission you were given annoys you greatly. 

Even though you and your teammates have captured another multiverse villain, you do not still feel well about it. You mess up on several things; the villain was close to escaping, a child who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time almost got killed on the crime scene, and you snapped at one of your Spider teammates over the littlest things. Which you rarely do and you don’t usually do . 

But today you’re in all sorts of places and you hate it. 

The portal opens up to a familiar environment of the Spider Society HQ on Earth-928. You’re the first one to walk out, followed by your teammates. The heavy silence and brooding air feel too thick and you feel that you’re part of the cause for it. 

You walk into the headquarters intending to head towards a place that you’ve been frequently to the past few weeks. The training has become your haven to take out whatever you’re feeling. Except that with every punch, force, kick and flinging things around, you feel vexed—agitated and aggressive. And it’s been becoming more of that recently. 

You punch the bag harder. Faster. Harder and faster until you let the aggression take over you as you hit the bag simultaneously. Gritting your teeth as you focus on nothing but the urge to hit something.  

Bam, bam, bam! Why can’t you get your head in the game? 

“Hey, girl!” 

The bag hits you in the face and almost knocks you over. That snaps you from your torturing thoughts but you just want to be alone. You don’t bother looking at the person, recognising their voice. “Blowing off some steam?” Lyla says in a fun and playful tone. 

“What do you need, Lyla?” You ask, breathing shallowly. Your head spins a little – it’s been like that for a while – but you ignore the feeling. Thinking about what to beat up next. 

“Miguel wants to see you. He’s in the surveillance room.” 

You freeze when Lyla tells you that; he’s the last person you want to see right now. A gut feeling tells you that you know what this is all about and it doesn’t make it any better. You know you can’t avoid this especially if Miguel wants to see you. The week is getting worse for you. 

“Tell him that I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” You say, needing to take a shower and freshen up for another dreadful day for you. You glance at the holographic assistant. “How is he feeling today?”

“The usual– grumpy and serious.” Lyla nods. “Make haste then.” 

You let the cold water run down your skin and body. The time you spend in the shower did help you a little to mentally prepare yourself. When you’re done, you make your way to the surveillance room, where Miguel usually copes himself. The room starts dark but soon there are orange and red fluorescent lights emitting from the screen as you walk deeper into the room. 

Miguel has his back on you. His muscular, broad shoulders are the first thing you catch sight of as you enter his territory. You can never read Miguel and right this moment, you wish that you could. 

“Sunny.” 

You stay still, hearing your name being called out. Miguel’s voice booms in the large room. “What happened? A disruption of canon almost happened.” 

“I–” You begin, but nothing comes out of your mouth. You’re not sure how to explain yourself to him as you think back to what happened during the mission. Deep down, you know that you lost focus back there and nearly jeopardised the mission. And potentially the livelihood of others. “I’m sorry.” You lower your gaze, your voice like a whisper. 

“Don’t make the same mistake next time,” Miguel stearns. His red gaze feels sharp on your skin. His tone doesn’t help either and adds fuel to your unsettling emotions.  

“It won’t.” You glare at him. A tone of determination and subtle displeasure that you can’t help but feel. And yet, you have to keep your emotions in check or else you will be questioned. You feel yourself on thin ice with Miguel at this moment. 

The Spider-Man leader narrows his eyes down at you. You don’t look at him just yet but you can tell that he’s looking at you. Gawking at your body language. “Is there a problem?” Miguel asks. 

“It’s nothing.” You say once again. This time you look at him in the eye with a solemn stare. Hoping that he wouldn’t press on further. You just want to be left alone at this point and one of your hands starts to tremble slightly. With another beat of silence, you force yourself to speak up more, this time hoping that it would sound convincing. “I’ll do better next time.” 

Miguel could only look at you before he turned away. His back is facing you. “You can leave. And I want you to send over your report of what happened.” 

You didn’t say anything more, only giving him a nod. And you leave the room feeling even worse than before with a pounding headache and palpating heart. 

* * * * *

Your behaviour certainly sets him off. 

Miguel couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation he had with you earlier. Something is off with you. He thinks about what Peter B. had said to him earlier and he’s starting to see what the man means. His thoughts dwell further back to a week ago when the young Spider-Heroes also talked about their concerns about you. He can see that something is bothering you and that it’s affecting your job. 

But Miguel knows that it’s better not to ask until he gathers more information on why you could be acting this way. 

After spending a couple more hours in the surveillance room, Miguel decides to grab something to eat. He usually doesn’t go to the cafeteria when it is busy and packed. But today, he’s particularly in the mood to move around. And he can feel himself getting hungry for empanadas (he’s told that he gets hangry when he doesn't eat something). 

Miguel makes his way to the headquarters’ cafeteria, walking along the corridor. From a distance, he can hear the crowd of Spider-Heroes socialising. A couple of them notices him and greets Miguel as he joins the queue to be served. He waits in the line as he minds his own business in mental peace as much as possible. But that’s when he hears a commotion nearby and Miguel turns to look at the scene happening in front of him. 

“Goodness, darling!” Jess frowns. She says your name softly and holds your arms. Her voice laced with worry, “I think you’re having a burnout.” 

Miguel goes still. His red eyes gaze at you from afar, looking at your reaction closely. There is fatigue on your face and your eyes don’t shine like they used to. Your shallow breaths and they sound deep and heavy. His eyes stay on you. Miguel watches as she holds onto your arms to help keep you steady.

You exhale a sigh, brows furrowed a bit. He can see how you’re trying to brush off the worry. “I’m fine. Just didn’t get much sleep last night.” 

“Make sure you get a proper rest,” Jess tells you. “Take a day off for today.” 

You let yourself go from her grip and only nod. But Miguel knows that you would do the opposite of the suggestion. He’s been there before, especially when he first started out learning about the dire consequences of the Multiverse. He knows the signs of burnout too well and you are certainly demonstrating it. Miguel curses under his breath for not picking up the signs of your struggle– of your burnout when he spoke to you earlier. It was right there in front of him and it went under his radar. 

He watches you leave the cafeteria once the other Spider-Heroes have decided to move on with themselves. You blend in the crowd before disappearing out of sight. His eyes met Jess Drew who was looking at him with a sympathetic expression when their eyes met. You’ve kept quiet about your feelings or whatever you’re going through from everyone. It seems that you don’t wish to talk about it– the dismissive attitude and withdrawn answers. He knows what Jess is trying to tell him. 

Miguel nods in agreement. And he leaves the cafeteria, trailing behind you. He follows you back to your universe when he sets the coordinates to your Earth. A part of him tells him that what he’s doing is out of line. But he tells himself that it’s fine; he’s only doing this to look out for you. That’s what a leader is supposed to do— to check on their subordinates, even though you’re more than that to him. But that’s not the point. 

Miguel continues to stay on his trail behind you. He sees that you’ve gone inside a red-bricked building. He swings himself up to the roof of the building, watching you through the glass roof. There’s no one in the building but you and Miguel spot you walking towards the ringer in the centre of the room. The banging sound of a bag being punched by you echoes in the space. He notices how you seem to take off steam by letting out your physical aggression since this is your second time in the gym. Your punches become faster, so frequent that they ring in his ears a little. 

Miguel sneaks into the building through an open window. You’re still focused on your punches and kicks but knowing that you have spider senses, you must have noticed his presence by now. He sees you break a sweat from the combat exercise as Miguel approaches the boxing ring. He lets you continue throwing punches until you come to a stop and catch your breath. Miguel studies your expression and body language. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were struggling?” 

You stay silent, seemingly lost in your thoughts. Your tone sounds soft and vulnerable, almost hesitant too. But it’s still loud enough for him to hear. “I didn't want it to determine my worth. Or to have it determine my future. If people knew, it would seem as if I'm holding everyone back.” 

Miguel can see in your eyes that you’re pushing yourself despite the neutral facade you put on. The daze looks with the ambitious, strong and tough facade in your eyes. It’s familiar to him because he is like that too.“I would be a liability to the team.” 

He studies your face a little longer, the signs of fatigue and shallow breathing are apparent. You’re even fighting against yourself to keep your eyes open. Scrunching your face as you pinch the bridge of your nose whilst softly panting for air. Shaking off the fatigue, the brain fog. 

“Mariposa tonta.” Miguel sighs. “You’re not a liability to the team. You never were one.” 

You sit on the ground and lean back against the ropes of the ring area. You’re too tired to pretend, too tired to put on a mask that you’re not okay. Your mind spirals in thoughts of self-loathing at how pathetic you look in front of Miguel. You try to hide your face from Miguel by looking down, not wanting him to see your current state. You feel pathetic in front of him. 

“Lyla, put my alerts to ‘do not disturb mode’ unless it’s a live emergency of the multiverse,” Miguel says. 

“Roger that,” Lyla responded. Her physical form materialises nearby with a worried look on her face. “Should I call for the medical team as well?” 

“No need, I'll take it from here.” 

You push yourself up to stand on your feet the second a shadow towers towards you. Your head may be spinning but you still have the capacity and energy to muster whatever thoughts you have. “I don't need help, Miguel.” 

The harsh, cold tone that you jab doesn’t phase him. Knowing that it only comes in a place of stress and guarding your feelings. Miguel remains patient with you, putting on a neutral yet there’s a subtle empathy in his red eyes. “You may think that you don’t need the help, but I want to.” 

You see Miguel holds out his hand in front of you. The mask on him is gone and his red eyes are staring down at you. “Take it one day at a time.” 

His words bring a sense of solace that warms up your heart. You finally take his hand – taking on his offer – your fingers and his interlaced together. You stand up on your feet as Miguel pulls you up, neither of the both of you letting go. 

“Thank you.” You whisper. “For not judging me. Or pushing aside my feelings. ” 

“I’ll take care of you, whether you like it or not.” Miguel tells you in a stern tone. But there’s a hint of soft affection in his words. “I promise.”

[the-badger-mole]

What is your NUMBER ONE headcannon for each person in the Gaang (Katara, Zuko, Aang, Toph, Sokka, Suki [and Appa and Momo if you feel so inclined])

Katara: After the war, she goes back to the NWT to train with Yugoda and becomes a master healer as well as a master of the NWT fighting style. From there, she goes back to the Foggy Swamp Tribe and masters their bending style, too. With the help of Sokka, Zuko, and (in some headcanons) Hama, she also rediscovers SWT waterbending and not only masters it, but teaches it to the new benders in the SWT. By the time she leaves the SWT, there has been a school established where all bending styles are available for study. She's one of the few who actually has mastered them all, though.

Sokka: He is eager to return home after the war. He throws himself into infrastructure and policy revamps, and he almost singlehandedly staves off the soft colonization attempts of the NWT. Under his efforts, the SWT rebuilds and reestablishes parts of its culture that had been lost during the war. With the discovery of oil on SWT land, he is also instrumental in establishing eco minded extraction techniques, and in trade ties with the rest of the world (although he is very much helped by his sister's deep ties with the Fire Lord). It's a surprise to no one when he's chosen to lead the SWT after Hakoda retires.

Toph: She does not become a cop. Instead, she goes back home and takes over the Earth Rumble, taking it from an underground even to a world wide phenomenon. She eventually allows benders of other elements to join, and the Earth Rumble becomes pro bending. She does also establish a metal bending school. In the end, she is wealthier than her parents, but because she couldn't really care less about money, she keeps enough to live at the standard she wants, and gives the rest away to causes that interest her...like the guy who wanted to set the record for the biggest bao bun ever, and needed funding for an oven big enough to cook it. She also establishes a halfway house for runaway teens.

Zuko: During his tenure as Fire Lord, he establishes a robust social services program that includes subsidized healthcare, education, and housing for the lowest income families. Under his reign, the Fire Nation becomes home to some of the earliest pioneers of mental health. At his wife's advice, he also makes paid maternity leave standard across the nation, and includes several programs to help single parents stay afloat. Taking inspiration from the SWT, Zuko makes some changes to how his advisory staff is selected. Instead of choosing from among the nobility, Zuko has the different provinces elect a representative to speak on their behalf. A lot of the nobles hate this, blaming his wife's influence, but the people adore their monarchs and despite their best efforts, there's little the nobles can do except start campaigning in their home provinces. It's not a perfect system, but it does open the door for the Fire Nation to end the monarchy within a couple of generations.

Suki: She continues to lead the Kyoshi Warriors for a few years after the war. She also helps train troops around the world as they pivot from active war service to more local work. She helps establish something like the coast guards for several different countries. Eventually she retires from that to help her husband run the SWT. She and Sokka make a wonderful team as he handles the domestic policies and she handles foreign affairs. She often jokes with her sister in law, Fire Lady Katara that they ended up with the same job.

Aang: I'll go with my most optimistic headcanon for him. He's an okay Avatar. Not great. Not the worst. After the war, he tries to take part in rebuilding efforts around the world, but he finds his help isn't needed much. He turns his attention back to salvaging what's left of the Air Nomad legacy, and discovers that there are actually airbenders still around. A few of them are even interested in learning to live like the Air Nomads. Many of them aren't, though, and after learning how to actually use their powers, they go off and do their own thing. To Aang's shock and dismay, eating meat has no effect on the strength of their bending, He does learn to deal with it and enjoy his time with the air benders who embrace the Air Nomad culture. He does go on to have kids, and he still favors the benders over the nonbenders. Ultimately, his legacy as Avatar boils down to taking Ozai's bending, and that's it.

[sunshinetomorrow]

help a disabled trans woman get herself (and her cat) across the country and away from her family

hi everyone, i didn't ever want to have to be the one making a post like this but i'm kind of out of options here. ive had to move back in with my mom over the past few months but things have been getting more and more unstable and its really taking a lot of a toll on my mental health + has been actively retraumatizing to an extent.

the original plan was to move all of my stuff with me at once to go live with my partner in texas in a month, but due to unforeseen circumstances my mom had to move out of her current place this weekend. she now wants me to come back with her and help her move back in with my grandparents, but this would mean moving in the literal opposite direction from where i want to go and getting even further from my goal of autonomy from her/the rest of my family.

my partners lease ends in a month and we were going to get an apartment together, but in light of everything i think the safest option for me right now is to fly out early and stay with them until then. the biggest issue is my cat piper, i don't want to leave her with my mom since i don't know when i'd even be back to pick her up. unfortunately though, this means i will have to pay for a pet travel fee on top of my plane ticket, as well as checked bag fees for any of my possessions i want to have access to over the next month.

^ from what i can find, delta has the lowest rates for boarding pets, but they have pretty expensive checked bag policies (35 for the first bag and 45 for the second). all in all, i need around $350 to get myself, my cat and my basic clothes and possessions away from my family and safely with my partner at any time in the next week.

i don't have a specific goal date besides "as soon as possible" because the plane ticket prices will be changing every day. i also have a small amount of money saved up which could pay for part of this, but the longer i spend around my mom the more she is going to make me spend it on food or other things for our family. any additional funding will be spent on travel expenses or food and litter costs for piper!!

^ heres my paypal (ignore my strange username, somehow im one of the only trans people who doesnt have their deadname on paypal and im scared to change it bc of that)

i will keep everyone updated on this post!!!

$0/350

[mossdaggar]

Unemployed Promo Post

Hey y'all, I'm Moss, a queer game designer who heads Brewist Tabletop Games. Late December, I quit a toxic job environment when my mental health was at its lowest. I fortunately had a big game launch just before I did, but I've now been out of work for 6 weeks (I've had interviews and I've got some hope!) and it has left me in the red. I'd love if you'd check out my games or boost this to people who might. <3 A notable release I've had is HELLWHALERS, a TTRPG of nautical and Christian-religious horror. Play as damned whalers hunting a leviathan whale in a bid for redemption in this token and d6 based game. There's even a metacurrency with its own gambling mechanic! I also have Rel1ct, a GMless eldritch body horror solo or duet TTRPG inspired by things like Annihilation and The Color Out of Space. Play with cards and dice in a journaling game that TTRPG reviewer/designer Sam Leigh called a "TTRPG that will wreck you". There's also my experimental gridless tactical TTRPG that is a love-letter to JRPGs and weird math, Infinite Reverie. It's only $9 right now, but the 2nd edition is coming this year, and it'll just go up in price from here. It's complete and playable in v1, but the layout is /bad/. Pip, the other half of Brewist Tabletop Games, is working on a gorgeous and fantastic redo of the game, and you'll want to pick it up before that price jumps! You can also find a draconic duo of games bundled together, Kn1ght and Dr4kk3n, two games about fighting their own respective terrible dragons, but in two very different ways. Kn1ght is a GMless solo or duo journaling game, the original model rules that Rel1ct was based off. Dr4kk3n is a d4 based dungeoncrawl for 3-4 players and a GM built on Caltrop Core engine, pioneered by designer Titanomachy. Regardless of whether or not you can pick them up, all my games can be found at brewisttabletopgames.itch.io, and as a thanks for looking, I'll be adding a few community copies of each of these games. There are also a smattering of pay-what-you-want and small microgames available on our itch as well.

[wonijinjin]

THE WEEKND SERIES: SAVE YOUR TEARS - BOO SEUNGKWAN

author’s note: i love seungkwan with all my heart, he is such a pure soul, he deserves all the happiness there is in this world.

synopsis: when you are at your lowest the person who helps you shine shows up to save the day.

word count: 0.6k | genre: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort | pairing: seungkwan x gn! reader | warnings: mentions of bad mental health, tiny bit of cursing

the masterpost of this series can be found here.

the first thing you heard when you came to was your phone ringing, then a loud noise of something breaking outside of your apartment. “i don’t know if you are awake, but i am coming in with the spare key!” you heard a way too familiar voice say, then the door unlocked, revealing your very disstressed best friend standing in front of you. “why the hell can’t you answer your phone?” he scolded you, however as soon as he took in your state his eyes widened in surprise. “no, no, no, what’s wrong sweetie?” he questioned while moving to cradle you into his arms. you were surely not the prettiest sight; nose dripping from snot, eyes bloodshot, clothes which looked like they hadn’t been changed in days hanging on your body roughly. “seungkwan, be honest.” you croaked out in a hoarse voice, from crying, he assumed. “of course, what’s up?” he asked curiously. “am i that horrible? am i really an ugly whiny bitch?” you started sobbing again, not having the energy to hold it in. he gasped in surprise and wrapped his arms around you even tighter, stroking your back and hair stimultaniously. “oh dear.” he whispered. “is this what you have been crying about here alone?” you nodded into his shirt without saying a word, knowing he felt it. “of course you are not, darling. how could you think that? i seriously don’t know who made you believe these horrible things, but you are none of these, understood?” he waited for your confirming nod that you were still conscious and with him. “please save your tears, you should not be crying about this. it all exists only in your head. you are the most beautiful person the world has ever seen, alright? such a brilliant mind, such a kind and caring soul. please don’t ever think of yourself lowly, you have no idea how much it hurts me when you say those things. you are so precious to me.” he mumbled into your hair, his motions of drawing soothing circles into your back never stopping. he pulled away from you, looking into your eyes. “gosh, you are so beautiful.” he whispered. “no i am not, i am a mess right now.” you replied with sad eyes. “you really don’t see it, do you?” he giggled, catching a tear which ran down your cheek, wiping it away with his thumb. “what?” you were confused. “how much you mean to me. i wish you could see yourself with my eyes, how perfect you are in them.” he mumbled as a blush made its way to his face. “show me.” you muttered in a hushed tone, leaning a little bit closer, distance between the two of you almost not existing. you could hear his heart beating rapidly. “do you know what you’re asking for?” he murmured against your face, voice hitching, eyes staring down at your lips. “this was long overdue, wasn’t it?” you answered. “so you knew.” he smiled. he didn’t expect you to notice how his gaze lingered on your lips for a tad bit too long whenever he looked at you. his lips touched yours quickly, with so much passion it was impossible to miss all the emotions he had been holding in. before you could kiss back he moved to your cheeks and nose, kissing away the tears which were streaming down your face again, but only did he know this time from relief. he placed another kiss to your lips then softly pulled away, eyes flattering open, three words leaving his mouth. “i love you.”

[mako-neexu]

obviously. fgo dantes is bad for your mental health if youre looking for reprieve and soft comfort with sweet dreams, if youre looking to be told that what youve done is enough, you dont have to fight, its alright, just sleep, trust in me, call my name with a sigh when youve exhausted everything, you can just dream a sweet dream as you fall into the abyss. its okay, you can cry, you must feel, you must never let go of your emotions. the bonds you have will pull you up again and again because they existed and will continue to exist for as long as you remember them. we have Servants like kiara and oberon for that. but for dantes getting thrown into prison and being accused of treason broke him, losing everyone he loved in the process broke something inside him but also remade him anew- into a different person separate from edmond dantes the good sailor and mate of the pharaon. so ofc no doubt hes insane and would pull the same but different kind of crazy on you.

he can and will hurt you and himself if it means you get to move forward and achieve the future you want with your own hands. he will make sure and set things up that you grasp it yourself. even if its also at the cost of the blood of those you love (those people may not be real, but they were alive no matter how you look at it). but you CANNOT deny his sheer impact and capacity to be your greatest motivator, YOUR hypeman, your NUMBER ONE BEST supporter in MOVING FORWARD. dantes literally took up a janitor job and has been doing it for YEARS all because he cares about his accomplice and its a shitty job considering the sheer amount of vile things that get absorbed into guda's head that literally requires a few people to fight off.

so jalter is right he really isnt that far off from being the same malignant information plaguing guda, living in their head, fighting the same malignant information being absorbed into them throughout the lostbelts but its just that it was dantes who decided to protect and remain instead of disappearing outright post-prison tower. he still protects but his brand of care can come off as terrifying and also as usual even in the book he keeps certain info for himself so people like maximilien are left helpless and in the dark after valentine 'died' bringing the guy at his lowest and making him the happiest upon seeing her again in the ending. so, just like a flame, his love can definitely hurt but in the end he just wants those he cares about to be happy

[kyokikia]

Im curious, do people even write for uta? Do people like uta at all?? If you cant tell, she's my favorite female character! I dont see anyone talking about her 😭😭

i might write for her if someone requests it (when requests are back open) but she might be the only one piece female i would ever write for so, sorry for that

Has anyone else on here watched film red? I wanna talk about it with someone because its one of my favorite movies, currently listening to new genesis as i speak (ado's singing was HEAVENLY in the movie)

Ado's singing is so heavenly, and she honestly captured the supposed greatness of uta's voice PERFECTLY. I watched the movie in sub so i couldnt hear amalee dubbing uts, but honestly, i listened to amalee's covers of the songs, and i think the dub watchers were robbed from hearing amalee's covers. She covered all the songs PERFECTLY! She did the spell part of tot musica perfectly aswell and i adore Amalee's and Ado's works so much!

SPOILERS UNDER KEEP READING FOR ONE PIECE: FILM RED

I think she's a little crazy but i love her a lot, what she did in the movie is honestly justifiable. I love her design so much, i wanna cosplay her but i got my bills to pay 😭 i'll do it once i get extra money tho, anyway, i feel so bad for her because for years she thought that shanks had abandoned her but turns out she was manipulated into singing tot musica by the people of Elegia 😭 i feel so bad knowing on how much she probably blamed herself for what happened but it wasnt her fault at all

Shanks is so selfless i swear, the way he just chose to take the blame instead so uta wouldn't blame herself and so she could make other people happy with her voice aswell 😭♥️

Watching uta descend into madness, as her mental health and physical state reach its absolute lowest was so heartbreaking (but the movie was so cool to watch!)

As you probably know, the wakeshrooms cause the person who eats them to stay awake until they die, and makes them more aggravated and brings out their negative emotions more, so i can see why she became more deranged as the movie went on. i feel so bad for her she deserves better 😭 i see why she was driven into madness after meeting shanks after all those years

Being kept on that island for so many years mustve been so depressing, so she was in a bad mental state most of her life. Kept alone, isolated with the entire world other than Gordon, not knowing anything going on in the world is so sad

I can see why she hates pirates so much, seeing as she cares so much about her fans (that she would trap them in the sing sing world just so they wouldnt have to deal with pirates anymore and for a 'new era' which she had good intentions with, but honestly it wasnt that great of an idea) she had the idea that all pirates were bad, and seeing all her fans sending her video mail about it probably amplified her hatred.

I took notice on how by the time uta had to sing tot musica, she was in her absolute worst mental and physical state, some of the words were linked together some words were messed up, i think ado captured on how much of a terrible state uta was in by the time she was forced to sing the song perfectly, i adore ado's singing in film red so much

I might've misunderstood uta honestly, i might've done her wrong in this post, i also realize this entire post is a rant but oh well i honestly just wanted to talk about her, anyone wanna tell me their thoughts on film red?

[hey-kae]

hi bestie! i’ve been MIA from requests for like a month because of my mental health and i was feeling so bad. can i request a comfort fic with pierre and charles? (the reader dating pierre pls) 🥺👉🏻👈🏻🥺

Safe and Sound

Pairing: Pierre Gasly x female reader

Warnings: nothing i think

a/n: i hope you’re feeling better and i’m sorry it took so long to write this for you🫶🏻

It was already night when Pierre’s flight home touched down in the city that would reunite him with the person he loved, eleven in the evening to be exact. Usually, you’d be the one waiting for him impatiently at the gate but this time, he insisted you wait at home. He didn’t want you to drive the long road to the airport alone at this time. Therefore, he dragged himself into a taxi, choosing one driven by an elderly woman to reduce the chances of being recognized. He was simply too drained for any unnecessary interaction.

An hour later, the silver car came to a stop in front of the apartment complex and as he paid the lady, retrieved his luggage and stepped out of the car without any suspicious remarks from his ride home, he could deem his plan as successful.

Soft and repetitive elevator music kept him company as he pressed the floor’s number, leaned against the wall behind him and shut his exhausted eyes for the few seconds it took for the elevator to come to a stop.

Pierre’s hand dug through the deep pockets of his sweatpants, grabbing the metal object he recognized as his key while he marched down the hallway, the low rattling of his suitcases’ wheels echoing against the walls until it was joined by the jiggle of keys and the click of them turning in the keyhole.

His foot pushed open the door and his luggage was immediately disposed of by the entrance, his jacket also being abandoned on the back of a couch as he made his way inside of the quiet and dark apartment.

He flicked on a flight and watched it flicker to life, faintly illuminating the living room in front of him. Deep down, he expected you to be on one of the couches but there was still no sight of you.

“Baby…” He called as he started looking for you, “Je suis arrivé. T’es ou?” I’m here. Where are you? His voiced echoes around the room, toured the house, and came back with nothing but utter silence.

Even seconds later and after yet another call to you, he received no replies and that is when he knew to head straight for the bedroom since you were probably asleep.

Pierre creaked the wooden door open and poked his head into the pitch dark room, the only light source being the singular ray of street light that penetrated through a miniature opening between the curtain but even that wasn’t enough for him to get any insight about whether or not you were in the room. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and turned on the flashlight on the lowest setting, using it to guide him to the button of the small lamp on the vanity in the corner, the soft warm light immediately flooding the space with enough luminescence for his eyes to be able to see you hair poking out from under a pile of blankets and pillows.

“There you are.” He whispered to himself, now leaving his phone aside and getting rid of his shoes.

“Bébé… » He cooed as he crouched down by your side of the bed, his hands putting themselves to work, pushing away the thick duvet so he could see your face. Your hair was tied in a loose, messy bun that defeated its entire purpose since strands of it were draped over your features. Pierre also pushed those away before calling your name a few times, attempting to wake you up.

Usually, you were rather a light sleeper. Anything would wake you up, sometimes even Pierre moving in bed while asleep so it was quite weird the fact that you were still asleep. It must mean that you were quite exhausted.

While attempting to wake you up, Pierre allowed his eyes to scan the room. It was rather messy but he wasn’t exactly entitled to judge. However, it did concern him, the amount of empty coffee cups and energy drink cans. It was no secret that you enjoyed caffeine but he also knew you to drink it moderately.

It was ironic, though. Despite all those caffeinated drinks, he was struggling to interrupt your heavy sleep.

“Hey, baby.” He softly caressed you cheek. “I’m home. You told me to wake you up when I arrive.” Pierre tried talking to you but to no avail.

“Chérie, tu m’inquiètes.” Darling, you’re worrying me. He said while lightly tapping your cheek, “Allez… Lève-toi.” C’mon… Get up.

All he received in return was a groan and a frown as you attempted to turn to the other side, only to be stunned by a strong arm preventing you from doing so.

You fluttered your eyes open, vision still unclear and tried to understand what was happening. For a second there, you were scared because as far as you can recall, you had fallen asleep alone in the apartment and now, as you were waking up hours later, there was someone preventing you from moving about freely in the bed. It took a moment to register that Pierre would be home tonight and while your mind rediscovered that fact, your boyfriend was staring at your confused expression, waiting for you to realize what was happening.

He also continued to watch as you sprang up into a sitting position, you hand flying to your mouth in what seemed to be horror and now, it was his turn to be confuse because he didn’t quite understand your reaction to his presence, especially when you knew he was coming home.

“Shit, shit…” He heard you repeatedly whisper to yourself, making it even harder for him to understand what was happening right now.

Before he knew it, you were trying to get out of bed in a hurry like you were taken back by his presence.

“Hey, hey… Relax, it’s just me.” His arms wrapped around your shoulders and he felt how tense you were in his hold. Therefore, it was practically instinctual, the way his hands began tracing comforting and soothing patterns on your back.

“What wrong, bébé?” He asked with a soft, low voice and you couldn’t help the way your shoulders dropped in surrender, the tears already welling up in your eyes.

Amidst all the chaos in your mind the past few days, between all the conflicting thoughts and emotions and messes of ideas, the important detail of Pierre arriving home tonight completely slipped your mind, hence why you were in deep sleep. Guilt was tugging at your heart as you thought of Pierre coming into the apartment to find it dark, cold, messy, and pretty much lifeless.

All throughout your relationship with him, one thing you always made sure to do was to make sure he had something to look forward to when returning from a trip abroad. Sometimes, it was as simple as you waiting for him with his favorite food ready and sometimes you went all out, but the bottom line was that he never came home to nothing, not even a hug.

Your arms wrapped tightly around him, his scent already invading your senses, easing up the hell that was the past few days, your head nuzzling in the crook of his neck. Your behavior was really starting to worry him, sparking a little fear in his heart, but it wasn’t much time later when he felt a tear run down onto his skin. Only then, Pierre realized you were crying.

“Tu pleurs?” You’re crying? He pulled back, “Are you okay, baby? What’s wrong?” He asked, his tone heavy with concern, his hands moving to cup your face delicately, his thumbs swiping over your burning cheeks, wiping away the rolling tears that he hated seeing so much.

“I’m sorry… I forgot.” You sobbed, your lips quivering as you pushed out the words, “Fuck, how did I forget?”

Lately, this was an often repeated sequence of events. It would all start with a tear or two then quickly escalate into a sob session that you had no idea how to control, let alone stop.

This episode of your life was hectic and difficult. The job you were currently in felt like being trapped and every other vacancy you applied to hadn’t worked out. Your closest friend that you always confided in had left the country with no plans to return and now the time difference made it incredibly difficult to have a proper conversation. The small things were majorly affecting your mood, like dropping your metal straw when putting it in your cup and the clatter it produced against the floor, your favorite series being taken off Netflix, the internet lagging while you were sending out a message… All these things had put tears in your eyes when they happened. To top it all off, you were spiraling down that road of countless unread texts on your phone that you saw but never bothered opening, irregular sleep times, excessive caffeine in all the ways you could get it, bad nutrition, forcing yourself to do things as simple as brushing your teeth, aking the bed or sometimes even charging your phone.

You knew that gray area and state of living. You revisited that dark chamber every once in a while, every few months when everything would feel overwhelming, when you felt like nothing was going your way, that you weren’t getting anywhere anyway, like all your efforts were practically useless.

“You forgot?” Pierre’s confusion snapped you out of your reminiscent thoughts, “You forgot what, baby?”

It felt wrong when you imagined telling him the actual truth but what were you gonna say instead?

“I forgot that you come home today... I’m sorry.” You clarified while refusing to meet his eyes, and as the words slipped out, you came to the realization that this wasn’t the only forgotten memo. Charles was supposed to come along with him, accompany him home so the three of you could hang out together for the first time in a while for old times’ sake.

The three of you were lifelong friends. You met when you were all really young and instantly became friends. Karting was one of your hobbies and even though you saw it as nothing more than that while they saw it as a future and a dream to pursue, you, Pierre, and Charles bonded over it. Eventually, a tight-knit, honest friendship formed and grew up with you.

“That’s it? That’s all?” Pierre asked with a small, comforting smile while his eyes watched you nod.

“Cherie, you’re human. It’s normal to forget things sometimes. It doesn’t upset me.” He reassured and climbed into bed beside you, instantly holding you close.

He expected for things to get better from that point on. He really did; but you were sniffling into his side, sobbing and gasping for air within seconds. Your hands were clinging onto his shirt and your tears were dripping onto his neck as you sheltered your face in the crook of his neck.

You absolutely loved being in his arms but it was so comforting that the contrast between how you felt now and how you’ve been feeling recently was shattering you completely. Maybe, atop of everything, you missed the warmth of having someone you loved and trusted around, within reach.

Before you knew it, Pierre was sat up against the headboard, pulling you with him and cuddling you into his chest, letting you cry it all out, more than willing to comfort you through whatever it was that was bugging you.

“I’m right here for you. Tu peux me parler de n’importe quoi.” You can talk to me about anything. Pierre reassured and you instinctively held him closer.

“It’s just a few bad days. I’m overreacting a little.” You straggled, struggling to speak without gasping for air between the words.

“Don’t say that. It’s okay to be upset.” He soothed, his hands rubbing up and down your back as he softly kissed your temples, “Tu veux m’en parler?” You wanna tell me about it?

Right then, the words came flowing out as if you had been craving letting them out. You told him about everything all while he comforted you through the conversation. You told him about the hatred you had for the job, about the declined applications, the distance causing you and your bestfriend to drift apart, the mood swings and the tendency to get overwhelmed and irritated quickly… He listened to everything you had to say with meticulous attention, delivering occasional kisses to your forehead.

“I just hate it so much. I feel like a whiny kid sometimes when I cry over stupid shit that I would easily breeze past on a normal day and I hate how suffocating everything feels. I don’t know what to do.” You fumbled for words, fidgeting with your fingers as you spoke.

“Let’s start step by step, okay?” Pierre pulled you back to him, taking the hairtie out of your hair and brushing through the locks with his fingers, “Tomorrow, Charles is getting here so we can spend time with him. I’ll call in sick for you, tell them you lost your voice or something, we’ll spend the day just relaxing and recharging, then maybe you could take a small vacation? We could go visit your bestfriend and I could meet her and when we’re back and after you’ve distanced yourself from your job a little, you’d be able to know if you actually wanna quit it, and if you do and be right there helping you apply to other jobs and sending your resume.” He smiled at you, “Ça marche?” Okay?

You hesitated for a second there then nodded.

“Perfect.” Pierre grinned and briefly kissed your lips, “For now, what do you want to do?”

Your eyes teared up again, “Just wanna hug you. I missed you so much.”

“Oh, baby. We could cuddle for as long as you want. Tu m’as manqué tellement aussi.” I missed you so much too.

Following that, Pierre quickly slipped out of bed, changed into something more comfortable then eagerly came back to you, joining you under the sheets and holding you protectively while you continued crying. It was undeniable that he absolutely despised seeing you in this state, but he was well aware you needed to let it out and as long as he had you between his arms, comforting you, he would bear with the pulls on his heartstrings he would feel with every sob of yours,

“Let it all out. Je serras toujours là, à tes cotes, chérie.” I’ll always be by your side, darling. He made sure to reassure you.

“Je t’aime, Pierre.” I love you, Pierre. You replied, your tone showing thankfulness.

“Je t’aime aussi, bébé.” I love you too, baby.

--

The morning came and with it came noises originating from the living room. Checking your phone for the time, you realized that you had slept in.

You dragged yourself out of the empty bed, into the room alive with the two voices you recognized as Pierre’s and Charles’. Pierre probably picked him up at the airport earlier while you were still asleep. Quite frankly, you were glad he didn’t wake you up since that was the best sleep you had gotten in a while

“C’étaient quelques jours difficiles pour elle. Je veux qu’elle se sent mieux alors j’ai organisé quelques choses pour qu’on fait aujourd’hui. J’ai aussi acheté  ses snacks préfères.” These were a few difficult days for her. I want her to feel better so I organised a few things for us to do today. I also bought her favourite snacks. You heard Pierre explain with a strict tone.

“Ouais, ça roule. Tu sais bien que c’est n’est pas un problème de ma part. Je suis toujours prêt pour aider.” Okay, that works. You know i have no problem with that. I’m always ready to help. You could hear Charles’ tone change, “Quand t’es devenus un petit lover-boy?” When did you become a little lover-boy? And just like that, he was teasing Pierre.

That’s when you stepped into the room, greeting them with a simple “bonjour”. Both their heads snapped towards you, bright smiles on their faces.

Pierre got up and gave you a quick kiss then Charles hugged you briefly, telling you that’s it’s been too long.

“You slept well?” Pierre asked with concern when you took a seat next to him.

You nodded and gave him a genuine smile, your eyes shifting to the center table that was filled with bags and a box of what looked like donuts.

“Donuts?” You asked with delight and raised brows.

“Yes.” Charles beamed and handed the box to Pierre who immediately put himself to work, practically ripping off the frail lid before putting the box in front of you for you to pick first.

If anything, that was a perfect description of how Charles’ stay played out: him and Pierre being the dream team in getting you out of the bad mood you had been in.

Practically all your favorite movies were played at least once. Chocolate, ice cream, noodles, pasta, pizza… all your favorite foods were involved. At some point, a racing competition on the sim came up, what was extremely reminiscent of the karting days and the battles the three of you would have over a prize that, at most, was a few euros or a candy bar.

You were grateful for their company and how good they knew you.

A few days, after Charles left, you and Pierre took off to go visit your best friend and as the days of the trip sequenced, you realized how lucky you were to have Pierre as your boyfriend, simply because it was safe to say he knew you enough to know the key to making you feel better and loved you more than enough to make sure you were feeling your best.

It was becoming clear to you that as long as he’s by your side, supporting you, you’d always be safe and sound.

[darkmaga-retard]

By Study Finds

Can the power of positive thinking actually help you live longer? A new study suggests it’s not just about thinking happy thoughts, but about developing a resilient mindset that can weather life’s storms.

In a world filled with challenges and uncertainties, the ability to bounce back from adversity might be more than just a valuable life skill – it could be the key to a longer life. Psychological resilience, often described as mental toughness or the ability to cope with and adapt to difficult life circumstances, has long been recognized as an important factor in mental health and well-being. But this new research, published in BMJ Mental Health, shows how its benefits may extend far beyond emotional stability.

How do scientists measure psychological resilience?

The study, led by researchers from Sun Yat-sen University in China and the Karolinska Institutet in Sweden, examined data from over 10,000 Americans aged 50 and older who participated in the Health and Retirement Study between 2006 and 2008. The researchers followed these individuals for an average of 11.6 years, tracking their health outcomes and mortality rates up until May 2021.

What they found was striking: people with higher levels of psychological resilience had a significantly lower risk of dying during the study period compared to those with lower resilience scores. In fact, individuals in the highest quartile of resilience scores had a 53% lower risk of death from any cause compared to those in the lowest quartile. That’s a substantial difference that highlights the potential life-saving power of mental toughness.

But what exactly does psychological resilience look like in practice? The researchers measured it using a simplified resilience score based on 12 questions. These questions assessed various aspects of a person’s mental approach to life, including their ability to persevere through difficulties, stay calm under pressure, maintain a sense of purpose, rely on themselves, and face challenges alone when necessary.

For example, participants were asked how much they agreed with statements like “I can handle anything that comes my way” or “I like challenges and beating the odds.” Those who strongly agreed with such statements tended to have higher resilience scores.

[rainbowdaisy13]

This is a sad question, so apologies. Which album was the first to make you realize Taylor’s had su***dal ideation before? In your opinion/experience?

I came around during Rep, so I can’t speak to previous albums in any great length. As far as recognition of her mental health struggles, I’d say that folklore/evermore were my confirmation that Taylor has battled depression. Those songs were pulled from a deeper well than just off and on sadness, and spoke to feelings you only understand if you have been through trauma

Then we have Midnights which is moody and introspective AF but is largely ignored on that level because it’s not fun for people to think about

And then TTPD with its entire thematic schema literally being a mental institution for artists is IMO Taylors way of being like “I KEEP TELLING YOU I AM FUCKING MISERABLE YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOTS DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?” and then proceeds to tell us a story in 31 parts about being caged, trained like an animal, denied the one thing she ever wanted 🧐, used as a cash cow, betrayed by those closest to her, had her thoughts and feelings consistently ignored or mocked, etc etc etc

The fact that Swifties as a whole didn’t “get” TTPD is one of the reasons she performs ICDIWABH every god damn night IMO

So yeah, Taylor has been in the lowest of lows according to her lyrics and I truly truly hope TTPD was a reclamation for her of her true life and experiences because that’s the only way you move forward through the bullshit

[usertoxicyaoi]

for ages i've always made myself not go too deep into analysing and interpreting this:

just because in uwma, when team said this, we didn't have the full context. in between us, we do.

and i think its now that i can finally put my mind at ease and speak about how much this, for me, is team implying and referring to his mental state. the fact that he knows his ptsd, insomnia and survivor's guilt are things that are never going to go away. they've left their scars all over team for so long now that he can't even imagine his life without them.

and so he's realised here, by this point in the show, that he loves win. and he wants to be someone important to win and wants win's love too. he doesn't want to run away from that. he doesn't want to run away from the only person in the world who he can confide in and talk to about his demons and his past and his trauma. win gives him so much emotional security and fulfillment. he has craved this for so long and he doesnt want to let it go.

but at the same time, team himself knows that his trauma can get the best of him at any time and put his mental health and entire physical and emotional state at a detrimental place, and that includes putting himself in danger sometimes too. this isnt going to go away. ever.

and he's trying to tell win here, just that. that "can you put up with me at my lowest? when things get heavy and my thoughts spiral and i've had barely any sleep and i'm all over the place, will you be able to handle that? when you find out about my past, will you still see me in the same way? when i'm sobbing because of my guilt over how i killed p'ton and i keep saying how i wish i was dead instead of him, will you be afraid and run away from me? can you catch me when i'm spiralling and falling into the abyss?"

and. no. really. i get win's hesitation. things have changed so much and he knows he loves team but he's had this life long ingrained belief that what he loves and holds close, he ends up losing. all his life, win has sacrificed and been so selfless and only given and given and given. and now, with team, for once, he just WANTS. and he wants team to STAY. and that is so hard for him to admit to team because he IS scared of losing team, especially after that last episode. but how does win tell team that without sounding selfish or rude? because win is none of things, but how does win tell team that "if i love you, i am scared of losing you too. and i've seen you drown once and then held you whilst you talked about how you wish you were dead. so yeah, i am petrified of losing you." like. remember the look of horror on his face and the confusion in his eyes, just at the MENTION of team saying how he wishes he was dead:

like. they STILL havent talked about this. so how can they possibly talk about long term or forever when this all ... is still THERE. HAUNTING them.

and i feel like until this isnt cleared up or talked through between them, its just going to linger. and they can't put off talking about this any longer now. team, about his childhood trauma and guilt, and how he needs win because he is his safezone, he depends on him and in that, craves for win to love him despite his issues and his trauma and his past, because he likes how good win's love makes him feel about himself and no one has ever made him feel like that and so, yeah, selfishly so, but team wants that for him and he just hopes win will stay. and win, about his abandonment and attachment issues, and how scared he is of losing team at any given moment, but how he loves team for how wanted and appreciated he makes him feel, which is something he's never felt from anyone, and so, yeah, selfishly so, but win wants that for him and he just hopes that team will stay.

[seeminglydeathlessredshirt]

Ramblings on Disco Elysium

It's taken me a bit to gather my thoughts on this one.

There are some pieces of media out there that people will heap praise after praise upon, to the point where you keep putting it off because there's no way it'll live up to the reputation established by everyone else. Of those, you'll eventually get around to some of them, and realise, to your horror, that they are as good as everyone's been saying. Disco Elysium is exactly that experience.

Before I get into why I adore this game, I feel I should point out that the original devs got the boot a while back and got even more screwed over by the company that owns the title. It's hard to summarise, but simply put, don't buy the game. Also, I'm not going to be discussing specific plot details, but I will be talking about some overarching tropes and concepts that may clue you in on some of the things the story has hidden up its sleeve.

As you likely already know, the game centres around an absolute wreck of a human being. Poor health, mental and physical, and a tendency to do or say things that are generally ill-advised. Worst of all, you have no memory of how you got into this mess, the part of town you're in is reaching its boiling point, and the murder case you're here to solve is the only way you can make things right. Despite the outlandish nature of his behaviours, the detective is one of the most relatable characters I've seen in gaming. Seeing someone brought to their lowest point time and time again and trying to crawl their way out of the pit in a time where I've felt that low provided a bit of solace. That being said, it's not an easy climb, neither here nor there.

One of the most interesting things about this game is the way every single skill is giving a role to play, and not just in the way of having ample amounts of checks for each one, but also in giving them a defined personality. Electrochemistry is constantly egging you on to indulge in various substances, Encyclopedia won't tell you your own name but will tell you everything you ever wanted to know about the Coupris Kineema, Rhetoric speaks like a Tumblr user who's about to post the most rancid take you've ever seen, and so on. It all ties in wonderfully with this general otherworldly feeling that comes from the blending of the mundane and the unreal that becomes more apparent as time goes on.

It's in this space in-between the two where the game genuinely shines. The world feels genuinely outlandish, but the people and the conflicts feel real in their own little ways. Revachol lies at the intersection of the modern era's most well-known ideologies, and the consequences of that are felt in everyone you meet. You can fall in line with any one of them, but it won't have much an impact on the situation. You can help everyone you come across, build up trust with your equally fleshed-out companion, and preach about the replacement of the capitalist order with a classless utopia, but nothing can change the fact that you are a cop, the physical enforcer of the state's monopoly on violence. The characters will constantly remind you of what you are throughout the entire game, and it's important to understand that, despite getting to see the detective's own humanity, that his line of work requires doing inhuman things. Disco Elysium is about a lot of things, and the tension between combining two diametrically opposed concepts is one of them. It's a fantastic work of art, and I hope this isn't the last we see of the people who brought it to life.

Don't listen to Rhetoric.