#like so much so I've hardly had time to think about him - which sounds ridiculous I know

[pocket-notebook]

He can't be tied down ... just yet

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Tavern: knight!price x princess!reader

this part is a little longer but it had to be. it's under 3k!

You and your ladies in waiting sat in the solar after lunch. You had spent the better part of the day speaking with your mother about suitors and delegating other potential kingdoms for trade, effectively draining you of most of the energy you had.

A new suitor was to show in a week or so. You tried your hardest to not let it ruin your mood so instead of thinking about it at all, you decided to preoccupy yourself with your embroidery with your ladies in waiting.

"Did you see Sir John training the squires the other day?" Lady Katherine said which piqued your interest. "Normally he lets the other knights do it."

"Maybe he did it to impress you." Another lady teased and you watched Katherine's face turn pink.

"Don't be ridiculous!"

Despite her chiding she smiled bashfully at the thought. You could only imagine what was going through her mind about her and Sir John if he ever decided to court her.

How his touch would be gentle and leading with the same softness he had shown on the day he had tended to your wound. How effortlessly he would protect you with a practiced hand that wouldn't make any mistakes. The way his gruff voice would sound as he spoke with you about anything and the way his blue eyes stared with perfect attention. 

You could only imagine how his beard would feel against your fingertips or how it would feel against your face-

"Your highness," Lady Katherine's voice brought you out of your thoughts and you quickly had to hide the way they had made you feel breathless. ''Did you ever find out who your secret admirer was?"

"O-Oh, no." You composed yourself. "But I haven't received another gift, so I assume they've given up."

"It's for the best."

You nodded, not at all bothered by it. In fact, while you hadn't forgotten the gesture your mind had moved on from an unknown admirer to someone much more tangible, though no less unattainable.

"If only Sir John would send you flowers." One Lady teased Katherine.

"Oh hush!"

There was a knock at the door and Sir John stepped into the room after you called out to let him in.

He froze when he realized that all of the ladies were there. He shuffled uncomfortably in his spot when he realized that everyone was staring at him, especially Lady Katherine who could hardly hide the love look in her eyes.

His eyes snapped to yours and he sucked in his lips before he bowed.

"Your highness, I was under the impression I'd be accompanying you today." He said and your eyes widened.

You had planned to go to the fields today for another chance at distracting yourself yet you had completely forgotten about it because of the circumstances but also because of him.

"Oh yes, now would be a good time for that."

The ladies in waiting all took their leave, bowing to you and then saying goodbye to Sir John as they left the room, hiding their coy smiles the best they could. Even Lady Katherine found it  difficult to hide her bashfulness while he only stood there awkwardly, sucking his lips in as he gave them all a stiff nod.

He shut the door when they left and you raised an amused eyebrow at his expression.

"I'm sorry if I interrupted something." He cleared his throat but you shook your head with a smile.

"No, I'm glad you came when you did." You're not sure if the relief came from the conversation being cut off or because you were going to your favorite place. "I've looked at this enough, I'm quite sick of it."

"Why's that?"

You gave him the piece that you were working on as you tidied up the solar. You suddenly felt shy, so you kept your back to him while you tried to find the necessary items you wanted to take with you to the fields.

"It's better than anything I could do." Price said and you chewed on your inner lip. "The colors look nice."

"The others are better." You shrugged but he scoffed.

"I like yours."

You caught yourself before you could smile and scolded yourself for feeling so foolish over something so small. What were you, a child? You had never known a man, no matter the status, to care about something like embroidery so you were sure he was just saying it to flatter you...even if he sounded genuine.

"It's a good way to pass the time when you have it." You picked up a book before a thought crossed your mind and you looked back at him. "What do you do for fun, Sir John?"

"Follow you around." He said immediately without looking up from your embroidery piece.

You laughed, thinking he was joking until he looked up at you, his eyes full of sincerity. Your smile fell and you tapped your fingers against the book.

You hadn't thought about how you took up most of his time. You assumed that he had time to himself when you were busy but the more you thought about it them more you realized that he was most likely busy even when he wasn't by your side.

"You're serious?"

"On the rare occasion I'll play cards or have a pint at the tavern on the days you decide to stay put and I have nothing else to do." He explained and you frowned slightly.

"Do I really keep you that often?" You couldn't help the slight guilt you felt.

"I'm not complaining, your highness."

You hummed, not convinced but you honestly didn't blame him if he actually was. You forced him to go everywhere you wanted to go, though only because your mother wanted it, and considering he was busy often it was no wonder you two bumped heads as often as you used to. 

You wanted to change it up this time, to give him a chance to enjoy something he liked doing and the perfect idea came up in mind. Not only would he get his chance but you would also get the chance to have some real fun and a better opportunity to ignore the looming responsibilities.

Price was about to say something when you grinned.

"I've thought of something even better than the fields." You said and he almost looked concerned. "We'll go to the tavern tonight for drinks."

"Pardon?" His eyes widened and he stared at you as if you had grown three heads. When you repeated what you said he shook his head. "No, you're not going to the tavern."

"Why not?"

Price's face scrunched up slightly and he sucked in his lips as he shook his head with disbelief. He couldn't believe you would want to go to the village tavern, a place that was the complete opposite of what you called fun.

"It's not a place for a princess," he began and you gave him a look. 

"That's never stopped me before." You pointed out and he looked almost in pain. 

"It could be dangerous-"

"Then bring the other knights. I'm sure they'll enjoy a couple drinks as well."

Price sighed heavily, knowing that you weren't going to back down from this idea even if he tried his hardest to make you see that it most likely wouldn't end well. However, when he saw the twinkle in your eyes and the way that you seemed more excited about it than just going to the fields, he relented.

"An hour." He bargained and you placed your hands on your hips. "It's for your safety, your highness."

"Fine." You sighed. "We'll leave tonight, when everyone's gone to bed."

"As you wish."

~

Price helped you down from the horse before he glanced at the bustling tavern. Of course you had to choose a night when it was busy and of course he couldn't give you a firm no.

It wasn't that the villagers were bad people but alcohol did things to folk's minds and the last time he was here a fight had broken out over a game of cards.

Simon, Kyle, and John all walked in first with varying degrees of excitement. They were happy to get a couple drinks especially after having worked hard for the entire week.

"You're still on duty," Price had told them with a firm look. "Her safety is the top priority."

"Aye, but I doubt you'll be far from her." John had winked despite the glare he received. 

He left it at that and hoped that despite everything, they would at least try to stay vigilant for any potential assailants. 

Price had to stop himself from keeping some sort of hold on you. He barely touched you as it was but as he walked protectively behind you towards the tavern he couldn't help the growing urge to grab your hand, to hold you close to him so he could make sure you wouldn't get hurt.

When the two of you stepped into the tavern, all eyes went on you and it grew deathly silent. All of the villagers were wide eyed, a sort of uncertainty falling across them as they stared at you.

He clenched his jaw and his hand rested on the dagger he brought with him.

However, you were undeterred as you gave them a polite smile.

"No need to stop because of me." You told them before you walked towards the bar.

Price followed close behind you, his eyes on the patrons who slowly went back to what they were doing despite their confusion. Soon the noise began again and the familiar lively atmosphere returned.

He stood close to you as you gave the bartender a smile, who bowed to you in return.

"Unfortunately, I don't carry any wine for you, your highness." He said but you shook your head.

"That's fine, just give me what everyone else is having." You said and Price raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure your highness?" He wondered and you tilted your head. "It might be a more bitter than what you're used to."

The bartender put two pints on the bar and you carefully grabbed one before you nodded for Price to take the other. You stared at the liquid inside it before you looked up at him with a twinkle in your eyes.

"I think I'm quite used to bitter, I'm around you often." You teased and he rolled his eyes.

"Cheeky." He clicked his tankard against yours and waited for you to take the first sip.

When you did he had to hide his smile behind his tankard as you struggled to stop your nose from scrunching up. He puffed out a few laughs when you frowned and failed miserably to hide the disgust on your face. 

You sighed heavily and gave him a weak smile when you swallowed.

"We can leave." He offered genuinely but you shook your head.

"I'm trying new things." You took another drink and forced it back. "I wouldn't dare back down now."

And you didn't. Before Price could stop you, you had drunk two pints and were already working on your third. He tried to stay close to you as you drunkenly visited with the villagers, speaking to them as if you were old friends, but you were too fast for him, even drunk.

He sat himself down at a table in the corner where he could watch everyone and you at the same time. He kept his eyes on you and watched your every move. He was on edge even when Simon gave him another drink.

The tavern got more lively and eventually someone asked you to dance with them.

And when you began to dance, it seemed like nothing mattered anymore.

Price watched you dance with warm cheeks and a warm chest. There was something in the way that you were smiling, the absolute joy on your face that made his shoulders loosen and made a smile of his own spread across his face. The life in your movements and the lack of the usual poise was enough to have him imagining things he probably shouldn’t.

Things like how it would feel to be the one dancing with you, to be the one who held you close and felt your fingers caress his skin. The one who knew what your lips felt like against his own, to know that he was yours and you were his.

They were dangerous thoughts, ones that gave him a feeling he knew but didn’t dare name. Not when the law forbade it, not when he couldn’t have it.

“Play a round, old man.” Simon sat across from him and slid over a deck of cards. 

A soft sigh escaped his chest and he grabbed the deck. He relaxed more, knowing that the other patrons in the tavern weren’t dumb enough to cause trouble, though he kept his eye on you, and began to shuffle the cards.

After a few rounds and a couple more drinks, you finally made your way over to him out of breath but a dazed look in your eyes. Simon gave you his seat, which you thanked him for before your eyes lit up at the cards.

“Oh! How many have you won?” You looked at Simon who grunted with a frown, which made you laugh. “I should expect nothing less, Sir John.”

“It’s nothing but luck.” He told you and you smiled.

“Teach me.”

“It’s a lot different than chess.”

“I know, so teach me.”

Even if you were safe within the tavern, Price liked that you finally sat across from him. He tried his hardest to explain the rules to you, though the two of you were a little too drunk and the tavern was too loud to properly play, you both still had fun. Well, Price had more fun since after the first round, he couldn’t stop winning.

“You’re cheating!”

“I’d never cheat you, your highness. You’re just awful at the game.”

As the night went on you slowly found yourself unable to ignore the problem at hand. Even if you weren't sober and even if this had been one of the more enjoyable nights you've had, you couldn't escape your fate. 

The tavern was a lovely distraction and you were happy that Price had enjoyed himself too, but now as things slowed down your mind wandered.

"Another suitor is coming." You told him softly and his face hardened. "A prince. He sounds nice, better than the king."

"Yet you sound upset." He watched you.

You weren't as upset as when you were going to be married to the king but he could still see the hidden overwhelmed feeling in your eyes. He knew that your mind was racing, that no matter how much you tried to distract yourself it was there.

"Suppose I'm just nervous. I know how it's going to go."

Price remembered what you had told him and couldn't the slight anger in his stomach. Again the queen had failed to tell him, especially after the last time, but it was more than that. He hated how upset it made you, he wished he could take it away or at the very least make it easier for you.

His loose tongue spoke before he could control it, the ale making it easier for him to say his thoughts even when he normally wouldn't say it.

"Then I'll get more violets."

Your eyes widened and you stared at him with an unreadable look. You were drunk, so maybe you had misheard him but the more you thought about it the more you realized that it made perfect sense and you couldn't believe you hadn't thought about it before.

Sir John was the only one who knew the fields and the violets made  you happy before you were given the bouquet. He was the only one who went to the fields with you, the only one who actually listened to you.

He gave you the flowers the first time.

Your chest warmed and you blinked away any tears before he could see. An overwhelming feeling washed over you, one that you weren't sure you had a name to as you watched him shuffle the cards. It was soft, warm but also so violent as you realized it would spell death for him if you were ever to indulge in it.

"Are you tired, your highness?" He asked softly, noticing the way you got quiet.

"Yes." You sighed because truthfully the alcohol was making you sleepy but selfishly you didn't want to part from him even when you'd see him tomorrow. "But let's play one more round. Then we can leave."

Price nodded a small smile stretching across his face.

"Maybe you'll win this time."

"Play me in chess and you won't gloat anymore."

a/n: to be seen is to be loved and knight!price is the only one who sees you

Tags: @deadbranch @makayla-666 @glitterypirateduck @dumbbitchgalore @m0chac0ffee @dragonbe-writing @sleepyoriana @twismare @blush-haze @waiting-so-long @sofasoap

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Seven Days to Fall Again | Thursday | Jeon Jungkook

Inspired by the MV "Seven" by Jung Kook ft. Latto (obvi lol) Summary: Flowers for my love. Jungkook is trying absolutely everything he can to get you back. No matter how ridiculous it might seem. Pairing: Reader x Jungkook (almost exes to lovers lol) Word Count: 3.2k (longer one this time lol) a/n: So I haven't posted anything for this series in almost a month so I'm really really sorry for that. I have so many other series going at this point that it's taken me a second to come back around and write for this one again. This one is a little bit longer to hopefully make up for it. Let me know what you think! p.s. Pretty much wrote all of this is one night so I hope it's not complete crap but I thought it was cute hehe Start from the beginning

Jungkook's visit yesterday threw me for a loop to say the least. 

I've tried to do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't get to me but no matter how many pep talks I give myself or how many times I've tried to scold myself instead, nothing works. 

I miss him, and I hate myself because of that. 

I've been able to go through my morning and most of my afternoon with radio silence from him which has been incredible for my stress levels but I can't help but feel his absence more and more as time goes by.

He was hardly ever around for the last few months of our relationship so I don't know why his presence; which I had specifically chose not to have around now almost feels more painful. 

"Maybe I just need a walk" I say out loud "Yeah a walk and some fresh air should clear everything up" I continue, trying to lie to myself in thinking that some sunshine might actually fix this. 

Walking out of my apartment and heading straight to the subway I make a decision to go to a little cafe that I used to go to with my classmates. It's been a while since I've been there and their strawberry crepes were to die for from what I remember so I think it's time I treated myself to something nice.

~~~~~~~

Leaving the station I notice a big crowd starting to  gather around and I get a glimpse of what they're all staring at, seeing that it's some guy getting picked up off the ground and rolled out on a gurney. 

Taking a closer look, believing that I somehow know them, I feel the need to make sure they're okay but I'm stopped by the police tape they've put up. 

Once the guy's head turns towards me my eyes widen in horror seeing that it's Jungkook. "Wait! Wait! Jungkook! Wait that's my boyfriend!" I say and duck under the yellow tape not bothering to worry about the repercussions. 

When he hears my voice and opens his eyes and I see them quickly change from seeming like he had been on the edge of life and death into his big doe ones, sending me a bright smile, showing zero sighs of distress anymore and leaves me stopping in my tracks.

"CUT" I hear someone shout in the distance. "Who is this girl and why is she on my set?" the same voice say as they gradually get closer. 

"No one" I say, crossing my arms over my chest and see Jungkook give me an awkward smile in response. I scoff and don't bother listening to no doubt the director trying to speak to me and from the small bits I catch onto it sounds almost as if he wanted me to complete the scene. 

"Not interested" I mumble and walk off, ignoring their efforts to keep me there. "Baby wait!" I hear Jungkook say as he struggles to get the belt they had fastened off of him. 

I don't even bother responding and continue to make my way down the street to the cafe, praying that he won't follow me but it seems as though the universe is laughing at me because despite the growing crowd around us he still is able to keep his eyes on me. 

"Y/n wait! Please!" he yells, making sure that there's no way possible that I couldn't hear him but I choose to ignore him nonetheless. "Please Noona wait!" he continues, using a word that he knows will get a reaction out of me and my steps stutter for a second but I regain my balance seamlessly and pick up the pace seconds after. 

"Excuse me, sorry. Excuse me, thank you" I hear him say, continuing to use that loud voice letting me know that he's still on my tail but as soon as I get to a crosswalk I start to walk a bit faster, hoping to cut him off and lose him when he hopefully gets stuck waiting for the next light and luckily this time it works. 

I take a quick glance behind me to check and see him standing there catching my gaze and turning to a flower vender beside him and buying a bouquet of sunflowers, my favorite flowers during this time of year and I know he didn't just get them randomly because no matter how much I think he doesn't pay attention or care about our relationship I know he makes sure he knows the little things about me.

And that's one of the things that makes me want to take him back. 

"Y/n wait! Please" he yells and I turn around just in time to see him decide to take a risk and cross the street without waiting for the light and seconds later I hear the sound of tires screeching on the pavement and see Jungkook duck out of view. 

"Jungkook" I whisper, stopping dead in my tracks, my body totally frozen at the thought that he might've gotten hit. 

Moments later though I see the sunflowers resurface above the crowd and his head soon after that and I watch the exchange between him and the driver and then soon see him turning back to me and abandoning the conversation to start running after me again. 

"Wait!" he says and I turn on my heel to keep going, hating the fact that I've already lost the distance I had gained between us. 

I duck into a random shop in hopes that he'll somehow lose sight of me and walk right past it, losing me and hopefully letting me resume my intended relaxing day to myself. I'll just stop by the bakery instead and make my way home so I can head in the opposite way of what he probably had expected me to be going in. 

As I hear the shopkeeper welcome me I quickly return their greeting and hide behind one of their shelves, picking up a random book and holding it up to my face. Making sure it's open and covering me just enough for him not to notice, but also giving me enough visual to see him pass by and continue his search in the opposite way, just as I had planned. 

I watch as he walks past the store, frantically turning his head in all directions to see if he could finally catch sight of me again and to my delight he continues on the path he had seen me on a few minutes before. 

I let out a deep breath at the sight and put the book down, finally gaining some of that peace of mind. 

"Were you looking for anything specific dear?" the older shopkeeper asks. "No not really, I was just trying to lose my tail" I say pointing towards the window. "My ex boyfriend has been trying to get me back and he won't stop trying to talk to me so we can 'Talk things out' or whatever" I say, letting out a huge sigh, happy to get a chance to talk to someone at least a little bit. 

"Well have you given him a chance to say his piece yet?" she questions, leaving me shocked, expecting her to side with me. "Well...no, but we've gone through these sorts of problems before and I just don't want him to say something that will convince me to give him another chance again" I say, walking towards her and leaning on a shelf nearby. 

She takes a second to think before responding and says something that I was hoping she wouldn't. "You need to give him a chance to at least say something. Everyone deserves closure don't you think?" she says with a soft smile, hoping to get through to me. "Unless he's violent or something of that sort. Then he can go fuck himself" she says with a grin, already knowing that's not the case. 

I open and close my mouth a bit, not really knowing how to respond and she laughs at my reaction, loving how much she's caught me off guard. "He was the young man that just passed by with those sunflowers wasn't he?" she says with a knowing smile. "How did you-" I start out but she cuts me off with another laugh. 

"That boy had the most adorable panicked look, searching here and there as if he had lost his owner. He's quite handsome if you ask me" she say winking at me and making me blush a bit at her straightforward nature. "Give him a chance love. And if you let him go, then you let him go. Trust me, you don't want to deal with the what ifs if he stops trying" she says giving me a soft smile. 

I know she's right and I know I should at least hear him out but at this point I think it's something I've gotta work my way up to. His all or nothing attitude right now is just too much for me. 

"You're right. I'll take some time and when I'm ready I'll sit down with him to talk it all out. Thank you. Oh I'm sorry I should probably get out of your hair. Uh" I stammer at the end, feeling guilty for taking up so much of her time. 

"Um here, can I buy this?" I ask, placing a little bear with a lavender flower embroidered on it's collar on the counter, grabbing the first thing I laid eyes on. It can't be more than four inches tall with it's cute round belly and a little sun hat on it with the ears sticking through it. 

"Keep it" she say, not even bothering to offer room for discussion as she walks away from the counter. "It's full of lavender petals so keep it close and the smell will help calm you down whenever you need it. You might even want to hold it close when you're talking to that boyfriend of yours" she says with a wink and walks to the back of the store, disappearing behind a shelf, leaving me alone with my thoughts. 

I pull out my wallet and put a five dollar bill in the tip jar and take a second glance at the bear and hold it up close to my face, breathing in it's sweet and slightly musky fragrance. I smile down at it's cute little face and put it in my purse. 'I've never been in this bookstore before' I think to myself, now finally taking a second to check out the rest of the interior beyond the immediate storefront. 

I make it a note to come back here one day and return her kindness by bringing something for her to repay her not only for the bear but also for her hospitality and advice.

I take one last glance around and turn to make my way out. 

"You certainly took your time in there" I hear a familiar voice say beside me, leaving me holding my breath for a second at the scare. "Jungkook" I say placing my hand over my chest before using that same hand seconds later to wack his arm making him drop the flowers he had started to hold out for me to take. 

"Hey! What was that for?" he whines, rubbing his arm for a few seconds and picking them back up. "That's for not only scaring me just now, but also scarring me earlier today with that stupid ambulance nonsense" I say throwing my arm out towards what I now know as being a stupid movie set and when I turn back to face him all I can see is a big grin on his face. 

"Why are you smiling at me like that?" I question crossing my arms over my chest. "You know you called me your boyfriend back there right?" he says, his smile growing even wider. I scoff at the memory and don't even dignify his words with a response, turning and making my way back to the bakery just as I had intended as my plan B.

"Wait Noona please" he says and places a light grip on my arm. "What?" I spit out, turning to face him again, a look of displeasure on my face which somehow makes him smile even wider. "Can I at least walk you home?" he asks, poised in anticipation. 

Now that the shop keeper had equated him to a dog I can't help but notice how much he's been giving off golden retriever energy these past few days. Excited and begging for my attention no matter what I say.

"I'm not going home" I say pulling my arm out of his grasp but he grabs onto my hand this time instead, making me stop again, knowing that as much as I want to, I'm probably not going to get my way this time. "Can I walk you to wherever you're going then?" he questions, now completing the look with his puppy dog eyes that pull on my heartstrings every time.

"Fine" I say and he happily catches up to me after deciding to hand the flowers off to some guy and his girlfriend, knowing for a fact that I won't take them. For a second I don't even realize that he had decided to hold my hand again until he sways them back and forth a bit making me rip mine out of his grasp and opting to cross my arms over my chest instead, leaving it hard for him to try to grab onto me again. 

~~~~~~

Walking up to the bakery a few minutes later I stop and face him for a second hoping to shoo him away. "Okay, you can leave now" I say and take a few steps but I still feel his presence close behind me. "Why are you following me?" I ask turning around again, not amused at the fact that he's not listening to me. 

"Who said I was following you? I wanted to get something from here too! You know I like the chocolate donuts here, remember?" he says giving me a soft smile. "Fine" I mumble and reach for the door handle but before I can his hand reaches for it and opens it for me. I spare him a glare and he sends me a sweet bunny smile in return making me roll my eyes in response. 

I walk in and when he tries to do the same he notices a group of older woman making their way out and he waits to hold it open for them as well and I can't help but roll my eyes again, watching him continue to play the sweet loving gentlemen. They smile and thank him a few times in return which he responds with a smile and once they're finally out he heads inside intending to stand next to me in line but is cut off by a few people between us leaving me smiling in victory but it doesn't last long. 

"Excuse me sorry do you mind? I'm with her" he says pointing towards me leaving me widening my gaze and turning around but not fast enough for the others to notice if he's lying or not. "Yeah, sure" one of the guys says and they step aside and let him walk up to me but in the process of squeezing through he stumbles and falls into me a little bit, leaving him latching onto me, pressing me up against the wall I had been leaning against. 

"S-sorry Noona" he apologizes, ears turning red clearly embarrassed at our current position. "It's fine" I grumble and push him off of me, creating some much needed space and walking up to the counter where they're waiting for the next customer. 

"Hi can I get a raspberry donut and a ham and cheese croissant? Thanks" I say and the worker looks over at Jungkook as he is standing next to me and waits for his order. "Oh we're not, we're not together" I say tripping over my words, this being the first time I've said that in front of someone while he's standing right next to me. 

The worker looks between us and draws what I can assume is a line under my order that she's written down and then asks for Jungkook's which he orders just what he had said before, a chocolate donut. 

"Thank you" he says warmly and the worker looks between the two of us, not believing my words from before but smiles almost amused by our situation and tells us our orders will be right out before handing the paper over to the cashier where she gives me my total. 

Before I'm even able to reach for my card though I see Jungkook place his phone on the card reader to pay. 

"Hey!" I say in protest while Jungkook tells her to ring him up again for his donut as well. I decide it's useless arguing with him in public and walk off to the side to wait for our food. "I can pay for my own food" I grumble as he walks up to me. "I know, but I wanted to" he says simply and we wait in silence until they hand us our bags. 

"So where are you going now?" he asks, holding the door open for me again and jogging after me, having to hold the door for the next person again. "Home" I say and make my way to the subway entrance. "Can I walk you home?" he asks, already knowing the answer but trying anyway. 

"No Jungkook. You can't. You asked if you could walk me to wherever I was going next but that isn't an invitation to follow me around for the rest of the day. Just leave me alone." I say, the last part not as confident as the rest. "I just want to make sure you get back safely" he offers and at that my blood starts boiling. 

"I'm more that capable of taking care of myself! I don't need you to babysit me because last time I checked I was the one that was older than you" spit out at him, pressing a finger on his chest. Getting more and more irritated with every breath and watch as his eyes get wide, surprised by my sudden hostile nature. 

"I'm s-sorry I didn't think tha-" "And that's exactly what your problem is. You don't think about what I want or even what I don't want. Now will you please leave me alone? I don't want to deal with this today and I don't want you to follow me" I say, punctuating my words so it'll get through his thick skull. 

He opens his mouth to respond but I cut him off again before he makes me even more upset. "Don't" I say and walk away, throwing my food away in the nearest trashcan and descend down the step into the subway station, hoping and praying he doesn't follow me. 

This time around though the universe smiles down at me, granting my wishes but leaves behind a broken and beaten down Jungkook, truly trying to figure out how everything went so wrong. 

Wednesday / Friday Series Masterlist

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[whateveriwant]

Heads or Tails

Summary: Ghost has undergone a lot of changes recently, many of which you find concerning. So you concoct a plan to try to bring the old Ghost back, the first and most crucial step: getting rid of that new mask.

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

Word Count: ~4.0k

Warnings: language, slight physical aggression, some uncool boundary crossing, my attempt to sound Bri'ish

A/N: Hello! So this is a new endeavor for me! I've never written for Ghost or CoD/MW before, but I've recently become obsessed with interested in the characters, and so wanted to give it a go. I was rushing a little to get this out, but I really hope you enjoy! :)

"Bet it's a fetish or somethin'."

Your neck nearly snaps as you swivel to the left, your eyes bugging at the Scot's words.

"Probably humiliation kink… Maybe breath play," Soap ponders aloud, eyes trained across the room pensively.

"Nah, mate. I reckon it's a bad trim, or some bad ink," Gaz adds from your right, making you pivot in your seat. "What'd you think? Tribal or teardrops?" He gestures to his own face, attention also drawn straight ahead.

As the two go back and forth positing ideas, your own eyes are finally steered to the figure in question. This conversation, like seemingly all the ones as of late, is centered around one topic and one topic only.

That damn mask.

While Ghost's signature masks are nothing new to the members of the 141, this one in particular has had you all scratching your heads for weeks. Much like his other balaclavas, this one is dark with a contrasting white skull, only this mask has one minor addition that none of the others have ever included: A big, bouncy puffball right on the top of his head.

When you first saw it, you honestly thought it was a joke; you were on a mission in the tundra, after all. But as you started to laugh, the sharp, deathly glare the Lieutenant gave you had you immediately snapping your mouth shut, averting your eyes out of respect.

Where he got that mask, you hadn't a clue, but you figured it would be just a one time thing anyway. However, that assumption turned out to be entirely wrong as Ghost continued to wear it again and again, no matter the mission conditions. Not only that, but he's also been exclusively wearing it around the base too; that is, whenever you do see him around the base. 

It's been weeks now and you haven't spotted him without that ridiculous mask once. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he wears it 24/7. But that can't actually be the case unless he likes waterboarding himself with every shower, which if he does, then good for him, you guess.

Though you have a lot of questions you'd like to ask the Lieutenant, the one eating at you the most is why. Why the switch up? Why the obsession with this specific mask? Why all these little changes you've noticed about him over the past several weeks?

Because that's the thing. Beyond the pom pom, there's something about Ghost that's been… different. Better, even, in some regards, but there's also been a massive decline in others. 

Out in the field, he's shown significant improvement. His aim has been sharper, his knife skills cleaner, hell, even his walk has been more sure-footed. While Lieutenant Riley has always been the cream of the military crop, for the last several weeks, he's been on another level.

Off the field, however, is a different story entirely. Instead of the man you thought you knew, it's like you hardly recognize Ghost anymore. He's been much more curt, closed off, and dare you say, a downright cunt to you all, and that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of all the other discrepancies you've noticed with his character. 

Like why has he been avoiding the team much more than he ever used to, or why does he immediately shut down any attempts at getting close with him? He's never been an incredibly open or approachable man per se, but it's like he's gone full blown antisocial recluse now.

The sudden switch in his behavior just didn't make sense to you, so you tried casually bringing it up to Price one day, hoping maybe he had an explanation that would help piece things together. In response, however, your Captain simply shrugged his shoulders, dubbing the mask Ghost's "good luck charm" that must've just gone to his head. 

While you didn't necessarily have a better answer yourself, Price's conclusion wasn't good enough for you to accept as the truth. Maybe a lucky rabbit's foot or good luck coin or whatever could explain away Ghost's overnight tactical improvements, but it didn't answer the why of everything else. 

Why has Ghost changed so much?

As you reflect, the sound of Gaz and Soap's continued discussion slowly brings you back to the present, making you blink out of your stupor.

"...been acting all off. Like he's… paranoid or something," you hear Gaz say regarding Ghost. "Like, the other day for instance, when we got dropped off back at base, I swear, as soon as his boots hit the ground, he was booking it like he was about to get shot." 

Well, that's certainly a relief. Not that Ghost is acting strange, but that at least you're not the only one to notice.

"I thought maybe he was just sensitive to the floodlights – those things were ruddy blinding that night – but when I tried to catch up and ask him, you'd think I was chasing him from how fast he ran," Gaz adds.

Though that's a bit unexpected on Ghost's part, you suppose it's not all that uncharacteristic anymore. He's been increasingly aloof nowadays, and while you're not totally sold on Gaz's paranoia claims, you definitely see the cause for concern.

"Y'know, I think you're on to somethin'," Soap agrees with Gaz's conclusions. "Just the other night, 'round two in the mornin', I caught him rummagin' around the kitchens like he was afraid to get caught."

"Hold on," Gaz interjects, craning his head to face the other Sergeant. "What were you doing in the kitchens at two a.m.?"

"Mind yer business, that's what," Soap huffs, waving his hand dismissively. "But anyway, even then he was still hidin' beneath that bloody mask. I cannae even remember that last time I saw him without it," he says, almost dejectedly.

You can't remember the last time you did either, though you're not as beat up about it as Soap is. The man seems to have a certain fascination with staring at his Lieutenant's bare face that you can't say you totally relate to. 

As Soap continues thinking to himself of when last he saw Ghost without his mask, he suddenly snorts, smiling as he tells you, "Y'know, I once tried to break in his room and steal that thing while he slept, but the lad has some unpickable locks on his door, I tell ya," he chuckles.

"Oi, you mental or something?" Gaz's voice pitches up. "Trying to steal his mask? You'd be lucky if he didn't string you up by your bollocks just for thinking it."

Soap scoffs, peeking over from the corner of his eye. "Oh, come on. Like you've never?"

"I'd like to keep my boys securely attached, thank you." Gaz shifts his weight at the uneasy thought, grimacing slightly.

That has Soap turning fully in his seat, making to confront Gaz head on. "So you're tellin' me you like the new mask? That you don't want to see the fucker gone?"

Gaz shakes his head, mirroring Soap as he similarly turns to face him. "I didn't say that. I'm just as tired of looking at it as you are."

At that, Soap throws his hands up, letting out an exasperated breath. "So let's do somethin' about it!" he exclaims, calling back to his attempted theft.

"Like what?" Gaz huffs. "You want me to ask nicely? 'Ghost, would you please lose the mask? There's only room for one ugly hat around here, and Price has already filled that niche. So sorry.'"

As the two Sergeants continue to bicker over the top of your head, you keep your eyes on Ghost who's still in the room. Thankfully, he appears to be completely oblivious to the animated discussion happening around you. You don't think he'd enjoy hearing how his teammates want to throw his mask in an on-fire garbage bin.

Gradually, your attention starts to drift away from the conversation at hand until you're right back at your earlier conundrum: trying to figure out Ghost's deal. 

Why has he been acting so different as of late? What could have brought on such a drastic change in his behavior? As you think, Soap and Gaz's words lightly filter through your mind, and suddenly, the answer becomes blatantly obvious. 

What's the common denominator in all of this? What seems to be the root cause of all this discourse? It all comes down to one thing and one thing alone.

That fucking puffball mask of his.

Ever since he got that new mask, there's been a never ending stream of changes with Ghost, most of which you'd argue are for the worse. You know it's silly to cast blame on such a normally inconsequential scrap of fabric, but at this moment, there's nothing else that makes sense in your mind.

Maybe the change is because his brain is being squeezed too tight or maybe he's been having a constant bout of heat stroke these last few weeks. Whatever the reason, you can see how wearing that mask has negatively affected him, and you're eager to see that rectified.

"I've got it!" you pipe up for the first time, interrupting the Sergeants who are still verbally going at it. You look between them both before once more bringing your gaze back to Ghost. "I know what to do," you say confidently.

Though the old Ghost you knew has been M.I.A. recently, you don't think he's truly gone, not permanently anyway. He's just been squirreled away for the time being, trapped in a cage of woven black thread. You just hope that, with a little luck and a lot of planning, soon…

You'll be able to set him free again.

~~~~~

You peek impatiently around the corner, seeing Gaz standing at the end of the hall. When he notices you, he shakes his head, turning back to keep watch like directed. 

Annoyed, you check your phone again. Soap said they were on their way five minutes ago. You know it's a maze of passageways between here and there, but still, they should've shown up by now. 

At its core, your plan is simple, but so many pieces have to come together for you to pull it off successfully. One screw up and it all comes toppling down, and you doubt you'll ever get a chance at a redo.

Another 30 seconds pass before you're checking on Gaz again, the man keeping a silent sentinel against the wall. The trap's been set, all you have to do is sit back and wait. But you're not sure how much longer you can handle until you go mad.

Just as you're about to text Soap for confirmation again, Gaz perks up, turning and nodding over at you. Before he can be spotted by anyone else, he slips into the room at his back, quickly closing the door shut.

Finally! It's time. Operation Unmask is a go.

You stoop to pick up one of the items at your feet, counting down from 20 as you hear a pair of heavy boots slowly approach your position. When you finally reach zero, you suck in your breath. It's now or never, baby.

Right before the figure can descend on your hiding spot, you pop out around the corner, colliding directly with the man you'd expected to find. Ghost grunts in surprise at the blunt contact, that damn pom pom on his head bouncing as he stumbles slightly.

"Oh, sorry!" you call out innocently. "Didn't see you there." It's not exactly a lie. You struggle to peer around the tower of boxes in your arms, stacked high enough that you can hardly see a thing ahead.

Ghost grunts again as he takes in the scene you've laid out, thankfully seeming to accept it at face value. "Careful," is all he says, moving to continue in the direction he was headed.

"Oh, uh, actually—?" you stop him before he can escape. "Sorry, but… Do you think you could…?" You shift the boxes deliberately in your hold, hinting at the favor you mean to ask. "If you don't mind. They're really heavy."

This plan all hinges on whether or not Ghost will take the bait. Though he's been less than charitable recently, in the past, he used to be quite helpful to you in particular. That's why you're the one who had to ask for his help. You knew that anyone else, he'd decline immediately.

But you can tell Ghost is hesitant to agree to assist you now, not only because of his recent change in character, but because he was currently preoccupied.

"Price is waitin' for m—" he starts to give the excuse Soap had fabricated to lure him out of his room.

"Please," you cut him short, pretending your situation is dire. "It'll be quick. I just need to get these to my office." That's where you pulled them from initially, filling them with whatever junk you could find to weigh them down. Soap and Gaz weren't thrilled to have to lug them all the way over here, but you had to make them heavy to be convincing, you'd told them.

As if on cue, out of the corner of your eye, you see Soap finally make his appearance at the end of the hall. He turns the corner Ghost had come from earlier, having successfully tailed the Lieutenant all the way from his room undetected. Gaz's timing is also stellar as not a second later, he carefully opens and exits the door Soap passes by.

Luckily, Ghost doesn't seem to notice the two Sergeants quietly lurking behind him – a blessing since, sometimes, you swear he has a pair of eyes in the back of his head. 

He considers you for a moment, staring at the stack in your hands, glancing at the others still by your feet. Though you can sense he's warring with himself, another light 'please' from your lips has him caving with a sigh.

As Ghost bends to grab one of the box towers, that's when Soap really makes his move. The Scot creeps forward until he's within arm's length of Ghost, hand outstretching as he reaches towards the Lieutenant's head. Just before he can close his fingers around the mask – intending to snatch and run, the fastest of you three – Ghost does something that surprises you all.

Without even looking, Ghost suddenly jerks away from Soap's grasp, ducking at an almost unnatural speed and angle. At first, it's like he doesn't even realize what's happened himself, but then he turns and sees Soap standing there, hand caught right in the cookie jar.

"What the fuck d'you think you're doing, MacTavish?" Ghost asks roughly.

Soap blinks dumbly, shocked by Ghost’s quick reaction. "S-Sir," he stutters, his brain trying to catch up with his mouth. "Just… thought… I… saw a piece of lint," he makes up the fib on the spot, then boldly reaches towards the mask again.

Once more, Ghost evades his reach, leaning far back like he's in The Matrix. He growls and slaps Soap's arm down. "You wanna keep that hand, Sergeant?" he rumbles.

In response, all Soap can do is nod his head, baffled into a state of silence. 

"Then fuck off," Ghost warns him not to try again. He then nods towards the pile at your feet. "Or better yet, make yourself useful and pick up a box." 

Still in a trance, Soap immediately complies with the Lieutenant's order. The two grab a respective stack, Ghost directing Soap to walk ahead as he no longer trusts him where he can't see him.

Fuck! This is not at all what you envisioned. This train is rapidly going off the tracks, heading straight over a cliff.

But thankfully, you have a potential backup in place, and Gaz quickly makes his way over as he sees things running amok.

"Ghost?" he captures the attention of the growingly irritated man, who stops and turns at the sound of his voice. "Uh… your shoe's untied," Gaz mumbles once he's under the intimidating gaze of Ghost, and your eyes fall shut at the lame excuse.

Christ, this is all going to shit. There's no way you're going to pull this off.

Somehow, though, Ghost chooses to check Gaz's statement, and he cranes his head down to inspect his boots. "No," is all he says, seeing his laces clearly intact. But before he can stand back up, head still down turned, Gaz takes his opportunity before it can slip away.

Gaz tries to grab for the bloated puffball wobbling in his face, but just like before, Ghost seems to have a sixth sense for it. Again, he bends out of the way, spectacularly agile, and shoots a glare at the Sergeant's gall.

"You out of your fuckin' mind? What's gotten into you lot?" Ghost accuses the three of you, turning to look at you all, becoming increasingly suspicious of what you're doing.

Shit fuck ass balls. You need to act fast. He's starting to catch on. 

Panicked, you do the first thing that pops into your head, dropping the boxes to the floor with a thunderous thump. Ghost's head snaps in your direction, eyes wide in confusion, and they only widen more as you purposefully knock the boxes out of his hands too.

"Whoops!" you exclaim and swiftly crouch down, starting to pick up all the bits and bobs that spilled out.

Gaz realizes your intent and quickly follows suit, stooping down to help you clean up the mess. It's a few seconds before Soap catches on as well, and then all three of you are on your hands and knees, crawling around like a pack of vermin.

"The fuck's the matter with you bunch?" Ghost exhales, unable to make sense of the unfolding chaos. Nevertheless, though, he begrudgingly lowers himself down, electing to assist despite his growing skepticism.

As you go about cleaning up the mess you made, you try to covertly catch the eyes of your accomplices. Without words, you ask them which one is going to make a move, who'll grab for the mask next, but both seem a little reluctant at trying their hand again.

Ugh, whatever. You'll just do it yourself then. Really, how hard can it be?

Slyly, you creep around until you have a good vantage on Ghost, his back partially turned to you. You edge closer and closer until you're nearly bumping into him, pretending to still pick up the items scattered around. Then slowly, so incredibly slowly, you raise your hand up, reaching towards the back of Ghost's mask. Just as your fingers graze the fabric, pulling it up a mere centimeter, Ghost jolts, springing to his feet with a start.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he yells.

"What's wrong with you?!" you fire back, your frustrations boiling over. You pop up to mimic his stance, throwing all stealth to the wayside as you figure the jig is up anyway. "We're just trying to help you."

"Help me?" he sneers. "Like hell. You're out to fuckin' get me."

There he goes again with the paranoia Gaz proposed. Though maybe, in this instance, he's not entirely wrong.

"You think we haven't noticed the differences with you? How much you've changed recently?" you continue. "We can see what that thing's doing to you. You'd be better off without it."

Ghost shakes his head in wild perplexity. "The hell are you on about?"

"The mask, L.T.," Soap rises to his feet. "Take it off," he implores.

"Who the fuck d'you think you are giving me orders, Sergeant?"

"It's just a mask, sir, and we've all seen you without one before," Gaz joins the showdown. "What have you got to lose?"

Ghost looks between each of you angrily, pointing an accusatory finger at you all in turn. "You're all way out of line! Get the hell back," he urges as you three start to close in.

"Why d'ya always hide from us now? I thought we were friends, L.T." Soap reaches forward, his hand immediately swatted away.

"Ghost, really, the thing's a bloody eyesore. Just get rid of it." Gaz tries his luck, only to be met with the same result.

Again and again, you all try dislodging the mask, descending on Ghost like a pack of rabid animals. With each swipe and stretch, he expertly dodges your attacks, bending and batting you away like pests.

"Quit fuckin'—!"

"Just let me—!"

"Oh, for cryin' out loud!"

The scene is total, unbridled chaos – voices raised, arms entangled, rubbish littered all over the ground. You three push forward on Ghost until he's backed into the wall, trapped with no way out. He fights and fights, the pom pom jostling around perilously, until finally, bitterly, he's overcome.

Soap gets his fingers hooked under an edge of the mask, and he yanks, pulling it all the way off. For the first time in weeks, Ghost's face is revealed to you all, and you'd be ecstatic if not for one detail that has you freezing.

Is that a…?

No, it can't be. You must be imagining things.

Actually, that looks kind of real. Holy shit, that's definitely real!

Oh my God! Is that a—?

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT?!"

You, Gaz, and Soap all jump back in horror at the sight before you: a plump, little, white rat nestled atop Ghost's head. The rodent seems just as shocked to see you as you are it, and it lets out a small squeak as you lock with its beady eyes, tiny fingers clinging to Ghost's hair.

"Aaaahhh!" Soap unleashes a girlish shriek, dropping the mask as he rears back.

"What the fuck, Ghost? No really, what the fuck?!" Gaz asks dumbfounded, hand coming up to cover his mouth.

Before anyone has a chance to fully process what they're seeing, the rat tugs on Ghost's hair, moving him to scoop up his mask from the floor. He's guided to shove the fabric back on his head, perhaps a little more roughly than intended, because you hear a pathetic squeak ring out as he does.

He points his index finger at you in a threatening manner, the holes over his eyes slightly askew. "Not a word," he grumbles, spinning on his heel. "Not one fuckin' word!" 

And just like that, he takes off down the hall, a fat, pink tail sticking out from under the back of his mask. It takes a moment before you even realize your mouth is still wide open, and you close your jaw with an audible thud. 

Vaguely, you hear Soap muttering behind you, near tears as he cowers against the wall. "Steamin' Jesus, I think I touched it! Did— Did it bite me? Am I bleedin'? I think I'm bleedin'!" he blubbers hysterically.

"Nah, you're alright, mate! You're alright!" Gaz tries to comfort him, unsuccessful as he’s also rattled.

As the two huddle together in the corner, you're left staring after Ghost's rapidly fleeing figure, trying to pick up the pieces of your newly fractured reality. 

That… was… 

Honestly, you're not sure what the hell that was.

A rat? That rides on Ghost's head? Controlling his every move and muscle? You guess that explains a few things about his behavior recently, but mostly, it just leaves you with more questions than answers.

Where the hell did he get that thing? How the fuck does it work? Why did he even think to test it out in the first place?

Actually, on second thought, no, you don't want to know. You've seen enough for one day, or really, one lifetime. 

At the start of this, you thought you had such a great plan to unveil – one that would simply reveal the "true" Ghost again. You didn't realize that in the process of trying to set him free, you would release a whole other beast, literally. And while at your core you still believe your intentions to help were good, you realize now that, perhaps…

Some things are better off hidden.

__________

A/N: Squeak squeaker squeaky squeak! [Translation: Happy April Fools!]

It figures that my first venture in this fandom is a crack fic. I expected nothing less lmao. But anyway, I'd love to know what you thought! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

[starlit-hopes-and-dreams]

Word Find Tag

Catch up p2 - Thanks for the tag in May 😶, @oh-no-another-idea! <3

My words: flinch, interrupt, idiot, name, and bottle

Your words: shift, soothe, secret, support, and suspicious

Gently tagging: @i-can-even-burn-salad, @outpost51, @winterandwords, and You, if you want. Here's an Open Tag :)

Moving on down the list, these words will be from Shattered Soul (welcome to unedited-ville lol)

Flinch & Name Kiala

Her eyes darted around the room. "Am I—" she cleared her throat, "am I a prisoner here?" Puzzled, Kiala placed a hand over hers, pretending not to notice her flinch. "Why in Reyanel's name would you be a prisoner?" Her auburn brows drew together, her eyes narrowing as if she thought Kiala was crazy, or slow. "Because apparently, I am a human in the fae lands. Even if nothing I've heard about the fae is true, I can't imagine I'd be welcome here." Okay… this was an interesting development. Kiala moved back to the chair, the tenseness in the female's body giving her all the clues she needed as to whether she welcomed tactile comfort right now. "Would you mind sharing your name? Referring to you as "the female" is getting a little tiresome." The female stared, an indecipherable look crossing through her jewel-toned eyes. Serafae, she had to be a serafae, with those eyes. Kiala saw absolutely no evidence of human ancestry anywhere she looked. "Alaia," the female finally croaked out. "Thank you, Alaia." Kiala gave her a gentle smile. "I'm not sure why you think you're human. Everything about you screams fae, except for your eyes, which leads me to believe you're a seraph and fae halfling."

Interrupt Darian

Are you guys going to have sex already? I've been waiting forever and I'm bored. Darian brought his head up to find Alaia's dragon, Fyel, hovering over their shoulders. His interruption cleared the haze of lust from his mind, and he stepped back, leaving Alaia flushed and panting against the wall. Gods, he had to get ahold of himself. They needed to get out of his rooms. Grasping at straws, he said the first thing that came to mind. "You mentioned wanting a haircut." Fyel swooped in to land on Alaia's shoulder. Eloquent, isn't he? She shook her head, amusement replacing the glazed look in her eyes.

Idiot Alaia

Alaia woke in her room at the Hall of Healing on the fourth day of Darian's absence, missing him so much her heart ached. She curled up in her bed and attempted to reason with the stupid organ, to tell it how ridiculous it was to miss someone this much when she'd barely spent any time with him. Her heart didn't listen, and she was trying to hold back reaching out to Aleix until a more decent hour when a knock sounded on her door. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Alaia pushed aside the books littering her bed and sat up. A glance out her window revealed a soft red glow lightening the navy of the night sky, but the sun hadn't even crested the horizon yet. Gods, she hoped she hadn't leaked her emotions. It was then she felt the bond thrumming inside her, pulling her gaze toward the door. It had been faint with the distance between them, but now… Alaia? It's me. I know it's early, but can I come in? She leapt out of bed at the sound of Darian's mindvoice and practically threw herself at the door. Her fingers fumbled on the lock, but she finally got it open, barely daring to breathe. And there he was. Darian was hardly visible in the shadowed hallway, with his black hair and black leathers and brown skin. His eyes were the only part of him that caught the faint light coming in through her window, and Alaia found herself standing there like an idiot, drowning in a sea of amber.

Bottle Serin

"Gods Serin, how bad was it to start with if it still looks like this after multiple Healers have been at you?" Lyre asked. He was starting to feel woozy, and he leaned harder into Bell's sturdy chest. "Filleted like a fish, one of the Healers said." Serin laugh-cried. Bell cursed under his breath. "Are they trying to kill you? I've never seen another mage delivered to the common room in your condition." Lyre's face was hard as she agreed, then she turned, speaking softly to the mage on her other side. From the gods only knew where, a roll of bandages and a cloth were delivered, along with a sealed bottle. She uncorked it with her teeth, and the pungent scent of straight alcohol assailed Serin's nose, making his eyes water. Or maybe the moisture streaking down his face was just him crying. Again.

[snaggletoothedbastard]

All right, I'm about to say it. Frodo Baggins is autistic.

During what I just realised is literal years I've spent researching autism, I have noticed quite a lot of autistic traits not only in myself, but also in Frodo. And I'm going to talk about them because I've been thinking about this for a long time and I just really want to talk about it. (Also this gives me a chance to practise analysing stuff for some English exams which are happening soon.)

Just to be clear: I am not a psychologist nor do I claim to be; this is based on extensive research, my own experiences and the experiences of other autistic people that I've seen/heard/read about.

I'll focus on the book first.

So, literally one of the first things anyone says about Frodo and his family is that they're "queer", in this case meaning "strange". Someone also says Frodo is very similar to Bilbo, and if Bilbo is not autistic I will eat my fucking hat. It also makes sense that some people in Frodo's family would be autistic because autism is genetic.

In the first chapter of "Fellowship", Frodo spends the day after Bilbo's party dealing with various annoying hobbits, and we get these lines: "In the middle of the commotion the Sackville-Bagginses arrived. Frodo had retired for a while and left his friend Merry Brandybuck to keep an eye on things. When Otho loudly demanded to see Frodo, Merry bowed politely. 'He is indisposed,' he said. 'He is resting.'" and "Frodo was sitting at a table with a lot of papers in front of him. He looked indisposed – to see Sackville-Bagginses at any rate; and he stood up, fidgeting with something in his pocket. But he spoke quite politely". Both imply quite strongly that he ends up getting burnt-out from having to interact with all those people. Also, "fidgeting with something in his pocket" sounds a lot like stimming, and it happens again in the Prancing Pony when he stands on a table and tries to divert the attention away from Pippin. Another example of stimming is the random singing/waxing poetic that happens frequently in the book. However ridiculous it might be to read, it's actually something I do quite a lot, especially at school.

There are some implications of sensory issues throughout the book. In chapter six Frodo is "reluctant to have his garments touched". When he is in Lothlórien he seems to experience some kind of sensory euphoria, suggested by the lines: "The others cast themselves down upon the fragrant grass, but Frodo stood awhile still lost in wonder" and "He saw no colour but those he knew, gold and white and blue and green, but they were fresh and poignant, as if he had at that moment first perceived them and made for them names new and wonderful", which describe quite accurately how sensory euphoria feels for me. In chapter one of book four when he hears one of the Ringwraiths he "loosed his hold (on the rope) and put his hands over his head and ears"; this quote is fairly self-explanatory.

Frodo doesn't speak for a great deal of the book (highlighted in various quotes, including, "He said nothing, indeed he hardly spoke at all") and there are multiple occasions when someone, usually of high status, is talking to him and he doesn't say anything back because he can't find the words. When I read this I thought, bloody hell this is literally me.

He also has a very strong moral compass and sense of justice, which is shown frequently in the book (and the films, of course, but the book seems to make it more obvious). He makes a point of avoiding having to kill people, two good examples of these people being Gollum and Saruman. Several moments in the book, for example, the part where the elves don't want to let Gimli into Lothlórien and Frodo defends him, and the part where Faramir says Gollum should be blindfolded when they leave Henneth Annûn to which Frodo says this: "Blindfold us all three, and cover up my eyes first, and then perhaps he will see that no harm is meant" show how much he values fairness, and his determination to keep things fair in difficult situations.

To end the section about the book, here are two quotes:

"'I had a funny dream an hour or two before we stopped, Mr. Frodo,' he said. 'Or maybe it wasn’t a dream. Funny it was anyway.' 'Well, what was it?' said Frodo, knowing that Sam would not settle down until he had told his tale, whatever it was. 'I haven’t seen or thought of anything to make me smile since we left Lothlórien.' 'It wasn’t funny that way, Mr. Frodo. It was queer. All wrong, if it wasn’t a dream.'"

and: "Faramir smiled grimly. 'Then you would grieve to learn that Boromir is dead?' 'I would grieve indeed,' said Frodo. Then catching the look in Faramir’s eyes, he faltered. 'Dead?' he said. 'Do you mean that he is dead, and that you knew it? You have been trying to trap me in words, playing with me? Or are you now trying to snare me with a falsehood?'"

In the first quote Sam says his dream was "funny", meaning, "It was queer. All wrong, if it wasn’t a dream", but Frodo takes him literally and thinks he means "funny" as in "anything to make me smile". Autistic people are often more likely to take things literally when meanings aren't entirely clear. And something similar happens when Frodo talks to Faramir, as shown in the second quote. When Faramir says, "Then you would grieve to learn that Boromir is dead?" Frodo doesn't understand him straight away and assumes he is talking hypothetically.

Okay now I'll focus on the films. I'll probably be doing more subtext-reading for this, because the films can't really show what's going on in Frodo's head as well as the book can. So I can't promise that everything I say here will be totally accurate but I'm thinking, if it's not explicitly stated, you technically can't tell if it's wrong or right so I'm going to go with what I think is the most accurate interpretation of the evidence given, and hope for the best.

The way Frodo expresses himself in the films is interesting. He is likely to be more expressive when he's with people he's close to, like Gandalf, than when he's with people he is less friendly with, like the elves in Lothlórien. If we compare his facial expressions in these shots:

to these:

we can see that they change a fair bit more when he's talking to Gandalf than when he is in Lothlórien with the rest of the Fellowship and the elves. In the first three pictures his face doesn't really change drastically but it conveys various different emotions, whereas in the last two pictures his face is very neutral and it's harder to tell what he's feeling. It's also important to take note of the scene in between these two sections, which I'll just refer to as Gandalf's Death Scene. Frodo's reaction to Gandalf's death presents itself as a relatively short but very intense outburst which quickly turns into a much quieter, and what looks like a more internal, reaction. He goes from screaming at the initial shock to just crying silently within about two minutes. The impression I'm getting from this is that he feels quite intense emotions but possibly struggles to express them, especially around people he doesn't know. And the scenes I've mentioned are just a couple of examples. Here are some more:

(talking to Faramir)

(talking to Sam)

See the difference?

Going along similar lines, Frodo is clearly shown to have a lot of empathy. The stereotype is that autistic people don't have much empathy, and while this is the case for some people, for others the opposite is true. Frodo is very empathetic and also very compassionate. He obviously cares a lot about other people and he at least tries to be kind to everyone, even when no-one else sees the point. (Is it obvious I'm referring to Gollum? Because let's be real, we all knew this was going to come up eventually. I've talked in great detail about this before so I won't elaborate too much about it now or else I'll just be repeating myself. If you want to read my analysis about Frodo's relationship with Gollum, it's on my blog somewhere, it's fairly recent and it shouldn't be hard to find.)

I think one of the most noticeable differences between the book and the films, at least in the context of what I'm writing about, is the fact that the body language in the films seems to have more significance (for want of a better word). Not that there isn't any in the book, because of course there is, but as far as I can tell, the films, being very visual things, allow body language to be shown more clearly and with more subtle details than the book. This is what has led me to focus more on things like facial expressions when I'm talking about the films, in contrast to what I've said about the book, which is mostly about dialogue (or lack thereof) and description. So, following on from that, I'd like to point out something that is apparently quite obvious and has caused a lot of people to take the piss out of Frodo: his clumsiness. Apparently Frodo falls over thirty-nine times (or thereabouts) in the film trilogy, and spends a fair amount of time walking like he's got two left feet. Struggling with balance and coordination is a slightly less well-known autistic trait but it's an autistic trait nonetheless, and it's also a symptom of other disabilities like dyspraxia. So I would advise against making fun of it, because being made fun of for showing signs of a disability doesn't feel great.

In conclusion, Frodo is autistic-coded and I see this as an absolute win, whether it was intentional or no. He is a brilliant character and the fact that he is autistic-coded just makes me like him even more. There are a lot of fictional characters that I like and can relate to, but I have yet to find someone I can identify with as much as Frodo.

[numetaljackdog]

WILT 1/8/2024

spotify//youtube

Limp Bizkit - Leech: trying to get some of my friends into lb and this is the song that sold it for at least one of them

Nirvana - Been A Son: may well be my favorite nirvana track. every single lyric is like. owwww

Daniel Johnston - Walking the Cow: i have been on my bullshit about this whole album for like a full month. trying to learn this one on the piano

Daniel Johnston - Keep Punching Joe: i like the slightly more upbeat, almost kind of bluesy feel he put into this one. it feels very character-driven and humorous while still being a... unique exploration of victimhood

Breaking Benjamin - Polyamorous: this seems like it would be soooo fun to sing live. i just love all of ben's little enunciations and syllables here, his unique voice is so dear to me bc of how long i've been listening to bb. also god forbid poly bitches do anything

Suicidal Tendencies - Suicidal Failure: have also been on my bullshit with this album. i don't really want to talk about this track though, i don't feel like getting too personal

Nirvana - Rape Me: this one also feels weird to talk about publicly. but i've been listening to a lot of in utero tracks, not necessarily the album front to back but just my favs and this is definitely up there. an infamously raw and real record at perhaps its rawest and realest

Gene Wilder - Pure Imagination: i saw the new wonka movie in theaters and was surprised to find i actually enjoyed it a good bit. that nice warm feeling led me to listen to some of the soundtrack of the original and remind myself of how much i love it. i could have easily put the scary boat song on here too

Suicidal Tendencies - Subliminal: i don't really care that much about the actual message of the song pertaining to subliminal messaging in media, i think there are other takes on that subject that have done it a lot better than mike's clumsy rambling. but i do identify immensely with just the feeling of sickening paranoia that the song captures. maybe it's not coming through the television but SOMEBODY is fucking with me. subliminally...

Daniel Johnston - I Am a Baby (In My Universe): okay i won't lie this one is kind of funny. like openly funny and ridiculous rather than the more layered playfulness of the rest of the album. oOoOoOoh i'm only 22........ i'll live forever ^_^ idk. it's still real as fuck though, i feel like a dipshit baby all the time

Kurt Cobain - Rehash: when you listen to home tapes like this, i feel like it really gives such greater dimensions to who kurt cobain was as an artist. in a way, it feels not dissimilar to something like the scrappy brilliant work of an indie pioneer like daniel johnston, which makes sense considering kurt was a fan of the guy's work. at the same time, this particular track is kind of silly and has him doing that voice that i hardly even recognize as his. i've been wanting to watch montage of heck, and this one is here as a marker of my love for the sounds of these home recordings more generally

Korn - Faget: there's a lot of discussion to be had around when it's okay for artists to use this word, but in general i tend to find that alternative artists who use it in a way that identifies with it is something i can't really be mad at. korn, and more specifically jonathan davis, is a freak show of alternative music that appealed to other freak shows. the fact that jd chose to identify himself with the word "faggot" in this song due to his experiences as an outcast and victim of bullying is at worst misguided, and i bet it made a lot of other outcasts and victims in 1994 feel seen, feel less alone. i think that's worthwhile. however it is also funny that a few years later korn would release "all in the family" which is like if someone decided to drag out the meager concept of a homophobic slur into a full album track

The Romantics - What I Like About You: was rewatching pat finnerty videos and got this stuck in my head from the bit where he talks about this song in the dani california video. not much to say except it's a tune! also goes in the file of songs that seem very fun to sing live

Metallica - Wherever I May Roam: oh yeah now we get into the rock adn roll babey 🎸🎵 i mentioned in an audio ask that i've been really indulging in the dumb rock music and 90s metallica is like the prototype for all meathead rock that followed. it's solid though, there's a reason why it got so popular. this is a good track, i really like the prechorus

Puddle Of Mudd - Blurry: possibly the dirtbaggiest of all the dirtbag rock. that's not true actually there's still shit like theory of a deadman and fuckin buckcherry and whatever, stuff that even i don't touch. but idk puddle of mudd just hits now and then with the scratchy yucky vocals and stupidass riffs and this is hands-down one of the best songs off the album. it's at least kind of about something. and ngl everything is pretty blurry nowadays

Tom Petty - Love Is A Long Road: shoutout tom. was listening to full moon fever again and realized how much of a tune this was. big chorus with the good good blend of new wave and americana rock that he always brought

Muscadine Bloodline - Me On You: with country being as big as it is right now and me trying to connect with that sort of honest and grounded feeling that rock and roll gives people, it seemed natural that i would make another attempt to properly get into country. i came across this one on a country rock playlist i was exploring and took to it because of the nice growl in the singer's voice and the rapidfire delivery of lines with some tasty internal rhymes. nothing special but it rips. i am a little wary of the "bloodline" part of these guys' band name but i looked them up and couldn't find anything that immediately sent me running? idk i hope they aren't shitheads

The Offspring - D.U.I.: the drunk driving fandom is dying, can't imagine why. discovered on the soundtrack for "i know what you did last summer" which i picked up on cd at a thrift store

3 Doors Down - Kryptonite: okay these guys actually do suck major shit. and so does this song actually. but it's on here bc i've heard it a million jillion times and have been listening to it a lot again, after watching the pat finnerty video about this. man i feel like i'm cheating on todd this month or something wtf. anyway i discovered not long ago that i've been mishearing the lyrics to this song my entire life in a pretty major way. honestly it's overdue for its own installment in my little series where i explain my misheard lyrics and the much better implications i derived from them. basically i always heard the chorus as "i'll keep you by my side, you're my superhero man/my aching kryptonite" which is WAY more words than are actually in the chorus. the singer just chews on the syllables so much that i always heard them as separate words. but i always thought it was a song about a kind of shitty guy who was trying to be better and act like a superhero for his partner who he viewed as his own super savior, as well as his weakness (kryptonite) because of how much he loved them. i thought it was a really sweet song. but it's just about a douchebag guy who acts like a douchebag to his partner who he doesn't seem to actually like very much. it's not a good song. but again, butt rock. sorry

[pantswarrior]

Hii,

I read Fighting Gravity on ao3 earlier this year and I wanted to tell you I loved it! I'm one of those peripheral members of fandoms who haven't read or watched any of the canon stuff, but are too obsessed with the fanworks to stop. It makes me wonder about stories like yours - is some point in the larger canon where something similar happens, or do you just come up with the idea for an unhoused Spock on your own?

I'm sending my ask to thank your for your story, but I also wanted to ask if you were alright with people printing and binding personal copies (ie. not for profit) of the fic for themselves.

I've been hand binding sketchbooks on and off for a little while, and I saw a tiktok of someone's self-bound versions of their favourite fics and thought that trying my hand at fic binding would be a fun project for this summer.

I just wanted to ask bc I heard some authors aren't okay with personal prints, so just let me know please; I'll always love the story regardless.

Aw, thank you so much! I'm sorry it took so long for me to reply - my laptop completely died several months back and the only one I could get online with is 11 years old, freezes up upon trying to load Tumblr, and is physically falling apart. -_- So I have been away from Tumblr all this time and did not see this until I got a new laptop tonight and could load the site again, I apologize! First of all - I consider it a great honor when anyone thinks enough of my fanstuff to want to do ANYTHING with it. =) I mean, I'm just out here being a nerd, writing fic about characters that are not mine. I can hardly be possessive about them. ;) So while I suppose it's rather late for a summer project, if for some reason the inclination strikes you in the future, feel free! It sounds like a beautiful project and I'm honestly flattered that you would think my story worthy. =) As for the inspiration behind that particular story... there is a rather silly story behind it. (tl;dr, possibly...) My partner-at-the-time and I were both really into the new Star Trek movie when it came out in 2009 - and this was not long after both of us were fixated on Ace Attorney fandom, which had recently had a new game released. Before the game was released, there was some character art showing an existing character looking scruffy, and the Ace Attorney fandom decided he must have fallen on hard times. There were multiple fanfics written about the guy he's usually shipped with finding him unhoused and taking him in and helping him get back on his feet. It became sort of a fandom injoke, "Miles adopts a homeless Phoenix". Not long after the first reboot Star Trek movie came out, the ONTD Star Trek community over at LiveJournal (good times!) dug up some screen test pics of Zachary Quinto wearing the Spock ears... but with a scruffy unshaven look and longer hair. So I showed them to my partner, who reacted with six little words:

"So... Jim adopts a homeless Vulcan?" I laughed because that was ridiculous and impossible given how some things work in the Star Trek canon. ...And then I started thinking about it, and how maybe it wasn't impossible, how someone *could* possibly wind up in such a situation in the Star Trek universe, and stopped laughing. ...And then spent the next several months of my life having this offhand joking comment turn into yet another exploration of one of my favorite themes: predestination vs. free will. OOPS. My partner, of course, was laughing their head off incredulously the whole time as I sent them drafts of the next chapter to read over and repeatedly reminded them that this was ALL THEIR FAULT. ;) So that is the...origin story... of that fic. Apologies for the length of this (and again, the lateness of the reply) - though to be honest it's so absurd it's fun to share it again. :D

[trilobiter]

There's some discourse I've been seeing about "cultural christianity" and it reminded me of an online interaction I had many years ago. I think it was on the AV Club, and they were doing reviews of the show Firefly.

In the comment section there was some discussion about whether the character of Mal, despite being an avowed atheist, still showed evidence of having once been a believer (presumably in the religion espoused by Book, which is some kind of futuristic Christianity) by way of the moral code he adhered to. I remember participating in the discussion and saying that, if Mal were previously a Christian, then his moral code was probably influenced by things he was taught as a child in the context of Christianity.

I reasoned, from my own experience as an atheist and former believer, that while Mal would probably have reevaluated much of what he stood for and believed about morality when he abandoned his belief in god, there was probably a lot that he unconsciously retained. I supposed that he and Book would agree that certain actions were morally wrong, even if they ultimately cited different justifications for that determination. Mal is not a philosopher, and would not have troubled himself in his busy occupation as a spaceship captain, to think up an entirely new ethical system that was comprehensive and reasonably self-consistent, with an eye to avoiding any "Christian" reasoning. More likely, he explicitly abandoned beliefs he didn't think were true (like "god is real and he loves me"), and implicitly held on to beliefs he wasn't willing to reject (like "it is wrong to betray your friends and crew") because they didn't seem to depend on the beliefs he rejected. He then built his moral code around those remnants while incorporating the principles that led him to reject Christianity.

I was told by at least one person at the time that I was being ridiculous, and that theism was so integral to Christianity that to reject it was necessarily to reject the whole religion, including its moral teachings. Mal's personal moral code was therefore entirely atheist and non-Christian, the sort of thing any reasonable person might come up with if they didn't have any clerics whispering in their ears.

That argument reminds me very much of the way certain atheists seem to vehemently reject the concept of "cultural Christianity." The impression they give off is that they are unwilling to accept that a concept they have consciously abandoned, and perhaps associated with traumatic and abusive childhood experiences, might still be sticking to them in ways they didn't notice. And maybe it's just because I don't have any specific religious trauma and was allowed to abandon my former religion on my own terms, but I just don't see what is so hard to accept about that. I don't believe in god, but there is a lot about me and the things I do that makes a lot more sense when you know I was raised in the Catholic church and grew up with a few very religious friends.

It just seems indisputable to me that if you're raised a Christian, or even around Christians, you are necessarily exposed to a Christian culture (I say "a" Christian culture, because I contend that there are many cultural Christianities). When you are raised in or around a culture, it steeps in you. You take on its color and flavor. You might zero in on a practice or belief and surgically remove it, but you can hardly expect to consciously identify every single way that a culture has influenced your persona. And if you have identified such a way that the influence has been made, but claim that it's not "culturally Christian" when you do it because you consciously choose to keep that thing without being "Christian," then that sounds fairly disingenuous to me. You don't get to choose the ambient culture of your formative years.

[thegoddesswater]

Author Questionnaire

tagged by @tc-doherty - Thanks, Lano!

How long have you had your writing tumblr/writeblr? a fast and loose estimate is fine!

I've had a separate blog for one of my projects since 2017, but was never all that active on it and haven't done anything with that since 2020. My main account, which is this one (aka a general bit of everything), I think I've had it since 2011.

What led you to create it?

THIS account? It was one of those "all my friends are on this tumblr thing and it seems fun" situations. My other account? I dunno, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but I didn't stick with it. I keep thinking that I should maybe go back to using it or something, but I don't have the real drive to currently.

What’s your favourite thing about the writeblr community?

This is an odd question, since I feel like I'm very on the fringes of the writeblr community and don't necessarily interact with it a ton, but I definitely like how encouraging everyone is to each other. It's nice to see.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

I don't want them to know anything about me I kid! I kid! I don't actually think I'm all that interesting, though.

I like to talk about my projects and love chatting about my characters. I'm also always down to give my perspective on writing-related questions you've ever got them. Not saying I've got the 'right' answer, but I can be a sounding board if anyone needs one. I think I'm pretty chill, and I'm open to interactions.

Also (unrelated to writing) I can summon deer. Except, apparently, during heatwaves.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

Not really. I am very laissez-faire about my dash and I'm hardly gonna tell people what I wish they'd be posting more of.

Which wips or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

Mostly Miadhachain Legacy, Heart of a Warrior, Run Runaway, and Blood of Sages at the moment. Those four are pretty much on a random rotation through my brain right now. Talentless/Wild Card is always lurking right beneath the surface though.

How long have you been working on them?

ML and Heart of a Warrior are definitely my longest running projects. I started HoaW back in 2005, plugged away at it for a few years and then left it on the back-burner to boil dry for a decade+ hiatus. ML had a similar trajectory, only there were more external forces there that made me shelve that one for a while. Run, Runaway was a 2010s project which (again) was put on hiatus due to lack of interest. (Also, I was mid-degree and I had one of my creative writing profs pretty much call me a talent-less, unoriginal hack so… lots of writing projects stalled around then.) Blood of Sages is new. Like November 2023 new. And it's just something that I'm tinkering with more than a full blown story at the moment. Talentless/Wild Card is another thing that's been around since the late 2000s/early 2010s. Unlike ML and HoaW, it's been getting tinkered with semi-consistently since.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

HoaW, RR, and BoS are all fanfics for the same fandom. HoaW was my first foray into Fanfiction and I had no idea what I was doing, I just wanted to be included. Which is my way of saying I have no idea anymore what exactly inspired me to write that particular story. RR was a weird situation where I'd created a fan OC and my best friend (at the time) absolutely hated him, and said I should never write with him again. So, naturally I decided to write a story centred on him out of sheer spite. The fact that internet strangers seemed to enjoy it only spurred me on (until the aforementioned prof mentioned above). BoS was born from the circumstances of tumbling back into my old fandom, discovering the most ridiculous crackship that made my brain light up in the best way, and seeing someone else's AU and going "Okay, but what do I get if I take this weird pairing + that premise?" The answer is “More than the odd oneshot I’d planned for it to be.”

Miadhachain Legacy is a bit of a rats' nest as far as where that started. Originally, it was essentially an RP turned convoluted novel series between myself and a friend. It's mutated a lot since then.

Talentless/Wild Card was originally a satirical fantasy about a hapless knight who accidentally-ed his way through an adventure and sort of rescued the wrong princess. Other than some character names and concepts, very little of that original version exists in it now.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Like per day? Multiple hours. Usually while I'm supposed to do be doing something else.

When someone asks the dreaded, “what do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

"I've got some sci-fi and fantasy that I'm working on at the moment." And then I elaborate if people want to know more. ...Why is there the expectation to treat this like it is the worst question to be asked?

Name any characters you created. side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, the first original abomination you ever pulled from your ass; whomever you’d like!

...how much time have you got, friend? ML alone used to have over 100 named characters and Talentless/Wild Card have a cast to rival that. Enjoy a random smattering of folks instead.

Karn is the oldest character I have that I still write with, and Ripp is a close second.

Zaria is the newest character of ML, having been created to replace her old version, once named Kaen. Her counterpart, Adair, is still getting used to the change, honestly.

Cyri is a minor side character who has been giving me a case of brain weasels lately.

Aerun is someone that I am itching to work with but hasn't fed me any kind of a plot yet, so I don't know what to do with him. …He might be a smuggler…a pirate? I dunno.

Who’s the most unhinged?

Define "unhinged." I mean, probably Valen is the most, but unhinged how?

Voltain and Marmaduke are both pretty bizarre, in completely opposite ways and I'm just realizing now that those two could be read as foils to each other

General Vancil is out of touch with reality

Sleepshine is extremely normal in personality, but unhinged as a concept - he's a talking tortoise the size of...about an SUV. And I love him. Fight me.

Valen is…well, unfortunately, Valen. Poor guy's got a lot going on and some days he's holding himself together with nothing but dental floss and used scotch tape.

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

Lots of my older characters come pretty easily to me. Maggie and Adair are both very familiar for me. Even if I leave them alone for a while, they're really easy for me to get right back into right mind for. That said, I think Marmaduke deserves some kind of special recognition for the fact that there were years where I could write him on autopilot.

Do you ever cringe at them?

I mean, sometimes, but also no?? Like, sure "Here's a character I created when I was 14 and he's a super cool assassin and in a gang and totally awesome, but also burdened with heaps of trauma" SOUNDS cringey when put like that. But have you considered that I adore him anyway??

How much control do you feel you have over your characters? do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? to what degree? are some less cooperative than others?

My characters can all be wilful little shits at times, and I'm mostly okay with that.

I'm always going to think of Rhys as the least cooperative character, though, mostly because he was the first one that just straight up refused to go where I tried to tell him to. He was supposed to end up with this girl, and inherit his mother's shady political empire, and otherwise be fairly unremarkable. Instead of that, he made a dramatic exit from the closet and ran off to get married to the quarterback of his high school football team - whom his girlfriend had kind-of been cheating on him with.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? and do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? for example, as asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on ao3, etc.

Absolutely! I'm totally cool with folks asking however they feel comfortable, assuming that they're ever so inclined to ask. I love chatting about my characters.

What makes you want to follow another writeblr account? do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? do you follow based on wips, or vibes?

Just kinda vibes, I think. Like I said above, I'm on the fringes of the writeblr community, so there's no hard and fast rule for who I follow and who I don't.

What makes you decide against following?

Please see above.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Not really. I'm not opposed to it, I just don't do it much. I don't necessarily directly interact a ton with most of my mutuals either. Sometimes if I'm scoping a writblr and they've got a recent ask game going, I'll drop them some asks for fun.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

...sort of? But considering the ones that I am considering for this answer were dropped into Talentless/Wild Card so long ago that they feel like they were always there, I don't think that's quite what this means.

[vikdrain]

Hi! I saw your taking requests for Arcane could you write a Viktor fic? Maybe a hurt/comfort where they get in a argument and he blows up on the reader and tries to make it up to her? Or really anything I just need more of Viktor! Hehe

[ of course i got u! also sorry this kinda took long i've been busy with school work ^^ ]

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It wasn't unusual for Viktor to come home late, he's a talented man devoted to his work after all, but it had started to become more frequent, almost daily. By the time he came home, you had already fallen asleep from waiting for so long, and by the time you woke up, he was gone again, escaping your desperate grasp each and every time like chalk in rain. Sure, he left little notes for you around the apartment if he wasn't able to see you at all that day, telling you that he'll make it up to you, telling you that he loves you so much. It was almost bittersweet reading those notes every freezing morning, clutching the blanket you once shared with him, hugging the pillows he used to rest on, trying to remember what it felt like to hold him. But just like him, the notes started to disappear too. It had been so long that his scent started to fade from the bed, there was nothing left to remind you that he was still there for you. You tried so hard to keep it together and suck it up, for him, for his work, for his dreams and ambitions. Everything you did was for him, suppressing your emotions and needs like they didn't exist, like they weren't as important as his.

It was two in the morning, the sky was as black as tar with the exception of the waxing moon, not quite bright enough to illuminate the barren streets outside your apartment complex. There you sat, cross-legged on the living room couch, counting on some sort of divine intervention that Viktor would show up. And he did. The sound of the rickety twisting of the doorknob caught you off guard. There he was, walking in and looking at you as if you were a stranger. His eye bags were the worst you've seen them, his hair had grown out and was more unkempt than usual, you could hardly recognize your own boyfriend.

"I was starting to think you weren't ever going to come home," you kept your voice low, if you had raised it even just a little louder you might have started to cry. He stopped in his tracks, standing across from you on the other side of the coffee table.

"I've been busy, dear, you know that," he sighed, not even providing the common decency of looking you in the eye when he replied.

"Don't call me 'dear' if you're just going to neglect me for weeks and act like everything is okay."

"Neglect? I don't understand, you're making a fuss for no reason as usual," the venom in his voice made your heart sink.

"As usual? You don't even know what 'usual' is for me because you're never fucking here, Viktor. Have you ever even thought about me? About my feelings? About us?"

"This is ridiculous," he scoffed, raising his voice which he rarely did, especially to you, until now, "I'm sorry I can't cater to your selfishness when I'm working every day trying to actually do something with myself while you're constantly pestering me."

"So that's what I am to you? Do I annoy you, Viktor?" Your throat went dry, it seems that all the moisture in your body went up to your despairing eyes.

He didn't answer, the only noise that filled the room was the static buzz of the lamp above you, you took it upon yourself to accept his silence and do what he seemed to want. You left, slamming the door behind you, but Viktor didn't move an inch. He stared blankly at the couch where you once were, the indent of your body in the cushions was quickly disappearing, reverting back to its original form. How could I have let myself become this cruel? he thought. Pure disgust plastered all over his face, toward himself, toward his attitude, his loss of morality and common sense for letting someone like you feel that horribly.

-

You leaned against the railing of the building's rooftop, it was the only place you could think of where you could let the floodgates loose in peace. The raw early morning air struck you in sharp waves, numbing your hands and face in the process until you felt an unknown weight over your shoulders. You snapped your neck almost a bit too hard trying to see what was behind you, it was Viktor, draping his coat over you, adjusting it with an unparalleled focus to make sure it completely enveloped you. For the first time that night, his eyes met yours, and instead of vexation, there was regret, worry, and longing mixed into his golden specks. With just five seconds of eye contact, it was the first time in weeks you felt recognized by him, it wasn't like how he looked at you when he entered the apartment earlier, not at all. He was seeing you, truly seeing you and only you. Your bottom lip quivered, holding in a sob, until now, you almost forgot what his affection felt like, and he knew it.

Your voice was unstable, but you spoke anyway, "I just-"

Before you could finish, Viktor extended his arms and squeezed you tight as if you would fade away if he let go even just a little bit, dropping his crutch to the floor and leaning into you. You stumbled a bit from the sudden weight but instantly melted into his touch, burying your face in his shoulder and leaving tear stains all over.

"It appears... that I lost sight of what is important to me," he finally spoke, his words flowed out carefully calculated, not wanting to mess up again. You stayed silent, he expected as such and continued, "I swear to never make you feel like that again, I'll try to- no, I will be better, for you."

You lifted your head up and muttered, "What about your work?"

"Well, I can't completely abandon it, it'll take time for me to adjust, but ehh.. I'll come home early, I'll work from home some days, whatever you want, dear, I'll do it."

"Is this just another empty promise?"

Viktor looked exasperated by that question, but he couldn't exactly blame you for being skeptical, "If I break this promise you can burn my lab to the ground," he held up his hand in front of you with his pinky out. You let out a light laugh at his preposterous stakes, coaxing a smile out of him just by seeing you smile. You wrapped your pinky around his, he brought the promise to his lips, leaving a gentle kiss to seal it into existence.

"I love you, and this time I won't ever let you forget that."

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝓤𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓵 𝓔𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓽𝔂 (𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷)

𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: 𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑆𝑎𝑛 (𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧)× 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 (𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒)

𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: 𝐴𝑛𝑔𝑠𝑡, 𝐹𝑙𝑢𝑓𝑓, 𝑆𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝐴𝑈, 𝑉𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑎𝑛 𝐸𝑟𝑎 𝐴𝑈.

𝐼𝑛𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛: "𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒, 𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑐𝑒. 𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑠. 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝐼 𝑑𝑖𝑒, 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑: 𝐼'𝑙𝑙 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒."- 𝑈𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑙 𝐸𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑦: 𝐵𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑘𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑎𝑟

𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝐶𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 4.4+𝐾

𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: 𝑀𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡, 𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑘𝑖𝑑𝑛𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑔𝑢𝑛𝑠, 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ, 𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑟𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛.

𝑇𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡: @little-precious-baby @yunhofingers @multidreams-and-desires @brie02 @deja-vux @galaxteez @yunhoiseyecandy @rvse-miingi @couchpotatoaniki @daniblogs164 @a-soft-hornytiny

━━━━━━━༺۵༻━━━━━━━

~May 17th, 1859~

When their eyes met it was as if time had effectively stopped moving. The sharply dressed male stood immobile by one of the pillars across the ballroom, feet glued to the floor and unable to pick themselves off it. Likewise, the elegant and ethereal lady sitting at one of the tables looked just as mesmerized by him as he was enchanted by her. For a while both of them just stood there, admiring one another as they tried to comprehend what was that tugging sensation they began to feel in the middle of their chests. The chatter and music in the background faded, their ears no longer registering any sound, scent, or object around them. Even their vision blurred everyone else, the only clear image they saw was the person they were currently fixated on.

As if he was in a trance, the male managed to regain his sense of control and began walking towards where she was. As their distance started to get smaller, the pounding in their hearts became more agitated and rapid, their lungs desperately trying to grasp air. When he stood right in front of her, a sense of calmness fell upon them that was even more strange to them given that they had never been acquainted with each other nor had any connections between them. Placing one arm behind him while the other came up just below his chest, he bowed to her, letting her glimpse and admire the top of his head, his hair as golden as the rays of the sun that would shine through her slightly parted curtains during the sunrises. Since she was sitting down, she acknowledged his greeting by lowering her head in a respectful manner. Coming back up, the hand that was placed behind him outstretched towards her.

"If my lady is not otherwise engaged, may I be so bold as to claim the next two dances?"

Unable to reject him, partly due to etiquette but mostly because something pushed her to accept, she smiled sweetly at him.

"You may kind Sir."

As soon as their hands connected, a rush of sparks flowed through their bodies, the feeling so electrifying and magnetic, it became more intense when he placed one arm around her waist while hers found a resting spot on his shoulder. Their other hands intertwined themselves together, their fingers perfectly molding against one another, a rather improper gesture to do at a ball especially between two individuals who had absolutely nothing to tie them together, but neither of them cared. It felt proper and necessary, even more so as their bodies glided across the floor, dancing in tune to the orchestra's music.

"I don't believe I've ever had the pleasure of seeing you before my lady." He suddenly spoke up, voice slightly buffering with nervousness.

Luckily she either didn't notice or chose not to care about it.

"No I'm afraid not. Such a pity if you ask me, you seem like a lively and agreeable person to be around." Although she had always been encouraged not to judge by outward appearances, she could not fathom the gentleman right in front of her to have any sort of evil or fault in him. He was beautiful, his features so sharp and his eyes although looking so mysterious and deadly seemed to hold so much tenderness and frailty in them. Despite his strong and bold looking frame, she could tell he was a man of delicate emotions and gentle feelings. No alarms or voice in the back of her head were warning against him, instead they were silenced as her heart urged her to stay by him and with him.

"And you seem like a lady seeking adventure and freedom." He boldly stated.

She quirked an eyebrow up, puzzled at how he could possibly ascertain such a theory.

"And may I ask what makes you say that?"

Lips curling into a smile, she swore she could melt when tiny dimples appeared on each of his cheeks, a true rare beauty that one hardly saw in those times and were very much admired.

"I look into your eyes and I see yearning, longing for something. As if you are searching for a hidden gem. And there's a hint of gloominess in them as well."

His description shocked her to the core. How could this perfect stranger, whose name she still had not known, possibly see all of that from just a few minutes of interaction?

"Do I look that forlorn?" She began to worry about anyone else being able to see what he saw.

"No...... I guess you could say I just...felt it." His eyes held a lively sparkle in them that just seemed to captivate her even more.

He hesitated to speak out what was on his mind, but seeing as the music was about to come to an end, he knew he had to say it before it was too late.

"If it's all right with you, would you mind if I came to call at your house and be introduced to your parents?" A faint pink hue spread across his cheeks and even his straight nose had a rosey tint at the tip of it.

Although she was no stranger to having young men call for her in hopes of establishing a courtship, it was the first time she was actually excited and looking forward to any future meetings with the man in front of her.

"I'd be delighted if you wished to do so." Her smile was more dazzling than all the glimmering chandeliers that decorated the ceiling and it made her dance partner feel more at ease to know she was just as jolly about a possible acquaintance as much as he was.

As soon as the music ended, they properly bowed to each other but the male, even himself unsure of what came over him, took hold of her hand and held it up to his lips, placing a feather light kiss to the tips of her fingers which left quite a few shocked faces on those who were close enough to witness the act.

"Consider this as our formal meeting my lady."

━━━━━━━༺۵༻━━━━━━━

August 23rd, 1859

The pair walked side by side across the pastured fields, bright and vivid dahlias acting as their chaperones, all arrayed in either red, yellow or purple coats that had already bud into full bloom. The river nearby had tiny ripples flowing through it due to the light breeze that was refreshing during a rather warm summer day. Behind them, her home was still bustling with excitement and anticipation of what was going to come, hence why they allowed the couple to wander outside by themselves, fully trusting them to maintain propriety. Ahead of them, a vast expanse of trees were to serve as witnesses for such a joyous occasion.

Gazing over at his loving companion whom he had learned to cherish and care about immensely in the short time they've spent together, he felt his hand shake as he touched the side of his pants, feeling the weight of the small black case he was hiding in his pocket.

"You are on edge." Her sudden statement startled him.

"Once more you hit the nail straight on the head." He chuckled, his hands going back to their previous position of staying behind him.

"Do you trust me enough to tell me about it or would you rather we pretend I didn't say anything?" She offered.

Hearing his footsteps suddenly halt, she too stopped walking. Facing over to him, she couldn't read his expression as he had lowered his face, no doubt thinking about how to proceed about with the conversation.

"May I ask......how do you feel about me?"

She was not prepared for that question and yet she had hoped to one day be asked just that. She didn't even need to think too hard, she knew the answer to that already.

"I believe you to be a very kindhearted, caring, and vibrant sort of fellow. And I am extremely grateful to be able to have you in my close circle of friends."

Although he was happy that she felt joy in his company, he felt a little saddened and worried about her use of the term 'friends'. But pushing past his fears, he gathered his courage to speak his next words.

"And have you ever wondered if there's a possibility of us becoming closer than just friends?" He looked at her with in a hopeful daze.

He could sense, feel her uneasiness. It seemed as if their emotions were so intertwined that whatever one was feeling, the other would soon get a notion of it. And right now, he could feel how she slightly panicked at his suggestion.

"If it displeases you, please just let me know right now and I swear I'll not make you uncomfortable with anymore talk of-"

"I would love for nothing more than to be more than friends with you." She didn't want to be rude and interrupt him like so, but she found she could not control herself. Her fingers fidgeted with the lace trimming of her dress, agitation clearly shown in her countenance.

"From the very first moment I saw you, I felt this strange and utterly overpowering attraction towards you, as ridiculous as it sounds. And having come to know you, I was ready to say yes the minute you asked for my hand if the moment ever came...."

She paused to collect her thoughts, taking in a deep breath.

"But at the same time I'm afraid. I know, because I was raised as such, that women are brought up to be good wives, be docile, pliant, obedient and stand behind their husbands and do what society expects of them. And I don't know if I can do that...no... I don't want that. To be locked up in some beautiful golden cage for the rest of my life, with no freedom and my liberty stripped away from me...... I'd go mad." She admitted, immediately turning away from him, not wanting to see his reaction to what some would consider her brazen speech.

"So if what you are seeking is a wife who will be content to sit at home and wait for your every command I suggest you go look somewhere else. I refuse to be that sort of woman, even if it means becoming a spinster for the rest of my life." Her last words got choked up due to tension rising in her voice as she fought back tears, not wanting to cry in front of him.

She felt him right behind her and did not flinch when one of his hands came forward to caress the smooth skin of her cheek.

"My pretty little dove....don't you know that's why I wanna marry you?"

She turned her head to look at him with incredulous eyes.

"Remember when we first met? When I talked about how you seemed to be searching for freedom? Adventure?"

She nodded, never able to forget how she felt the first time they glanced upon another nor the conversation they had. Taking a hold of her waist, he shifted her position so she could face him and see how in earnest he was.

"I'm willing to offer you all that and more. I don't want you walking behind me, I want you by my side as my equal. I won't ever lock you up in a cage. On the contrary, I want my little dove to spread her wings and soar up further than the heavens........ and I want to be by her side to see it."

Her hands came up to clasp around her mouth as she let out a sharp gasp when he suddenly dropped down on one knee. Reaching into his pocket, he produced a black velvet box that contained a stunning ring inside.

"I've already asked for your parent's permission, all I gotta ask now is if you'd make me the happiest man alive and accept to spend life by my side.... and love me?"

She allowed him to take her hand and slide the gem onto her ring finger, tears already pouring down her face. Sniffling softly, she took her hand off her mouth to reveal an emotional and awkward smile as a wave of emotions took over her.

"Yes!"

He released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Sprinting back up, he picked her up and spun her around gleefully. Once he put her down, his hands cupped her face and he leaned in to give her a passionate kiss. Even after pulling away, he still kept her at a close distance.

"I love you.....from now until eternity."

━━━━━━━༺۵༻━━━━━━━

October 9th, 1861

"You sure you're going to be ok?"

Pushing her hat out of the way so she could look down at her doting husband who was standing right next to the open carriage, she couldn't help but give him a mischievous smirk.

"I'll be fine. I should be the one asking you that."

He gave her a puzzled look.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.

"That I give you 10 minutes before you're moping by the fireplace, missing me to no end." She snorted softly at his pouty expression.

"You're actually wrong..."

Hopping on top of the step so it could be easier to reach her, he nuzzled his nose against hers.

"I'm already missing you and you haven't even left yet."

She giggled at his cheesiness, allowing him to press a tiny kiss on her lips, which was then followed by another one, then another, until she finally had to push him off before he delayed her trip any further by peppering more kisses across her face.

"All right all right, I get it. I'll be back before supper, it's not that long of a ride to my parents house. Think you can wait until then?"

He shook his head negatively, which made her roll her eyes.

"Well you're going to have to deal with it."

Bending down, she gently stroked some of the hairs that were tussled against his forehead.

"I love you." She smiled at him.

Taking her hand to place a kiss on top of it, her husband never took his eyes off her.

"I love you too. Please stay safe."

With longing eyes, he watched as the carriage was being hauled away in the direction of the woods that surrounded the estate. He didn't look away even minutes after the carriage was out of sight, watching as some of the white flowers fell from the immense trees, petals scattering across the pavement and on the freshly cut grass. Something about the way the flowers fell sent some sort of uneasy feeling in his stomach, but he chose to ignore it, thinking it was probably nothing.

Making his way back in the house, he suddenly stopped when the same feeling crept back up to him, this time more intense than the previous one. His palms which were tightly clenched behind him, were sweating profusely. His heartbeat making more agitated and there was an unusual pounding resonated in his head, that although didn't exactly hurt, it was sending off alarms. He could sense that something bad was going to happen, he could feel it.....

With a sharp intake of breath, he raced over towards the stables where all the horses were kept. Unlocking the door that held his personal horse, he didn't even bother to saddle up or even put a bridle on him. He simply jumped up and threw his leg over the horse, who stood in place to allow his trusted master to get properly seated.

"Go!" He exclaimed as he gently yet firmly kicked the horse on its side, the stallion immediately taking off in the direction that the carriage had gone, the rider hoping and praying that he was only being delusional about the strange sensation that was striking fear in him.

Meanwhile, not far off in the distance, the young lady quietly sat in the carriage, listening to the conversation her two drivers were having amongst themselves, sometimes even laughing at any jokes they cracked along the way. She looked very peaceful, looking forward to paying her parents a small visit, the presents she had purchased for them rattled against her side, all neatly wrapped in white with light blue ribbons decorating them. Her eyes would often drift away whenever she heard the rustling sounds the tiny woodland creatures would make or when a bird would start chirping a little tune.

She was startled abruptly by the sound of gunshots and before she could even ask what was going on, she watched in horror as the two men in front of her fell to ground, blood pouring out from their heads as their soulless eyes stared back into her. The horses were going berserk, letting out loud neighs while fretting about uncontrollably. Standing up, she carefully maneuvered herself and got off the carriage hoping to hop on the driver's seat and regain control of the horses, but she was stopped when a strong hand gripped her wrist and harshly tugged her back.

"You're a really pretty thing." She stared up into the cold eyes of a marauder who scanned her face before looking at his partner.

"How much do you think they'll give us for selling her off to a whorehouse?"

His accomplice shrugged nonchalantly.

"Beats me, but I guess we're going to find out."

Not backing down without a fight, she kicked her arms and legs as much as she could, putting up an intense struggle against her kidnappers. She made sure to scream at the top of her lungs, hoping it would reach someone's ears and come aid her. She nearly freed herself when she hit one of them right in the jaw and bit harshly down on the other's arm which was draped across her neck. She could only take two steps before she was being manhandled once more. She elbowed and kneed at the man, trying to break free from his grasp. Getting frustrated and fed up by her struggle, he took out the pistol he kept by his belt.

"You fucking bitch!"

Pressing the barrel against her stomach, the bullet pierced straight through her, making her choke on the scream she was about to release. Her senses went numb, all she could feel was pain as she felt her life being stripped out of her body.

"No!"

Arriving just as the bullet was fired, her husband swiftly yanked out his own gun. First he made sure to aim at the one who had just shot his beloved wife, the bullet striking him right on his forehead, giving him an instant death. When his partner tried producing his own weapon, the rider was already two steps ahead as he shot him straight through his throat, this time the death was more painful and elongated, but eventually he too met the same fate as his dead companion. Quickly getting off the horse, he ran over to his wife, tears already brimming down his face. Taking a hold of her hand, he first made sure that she still had a pulse and was conscious.

"Love. Darling. It's ok, you'll be ok. All right? Just stay with me, keep your eyes open."

She could feel him rip off a part of her dress and use it as makeshift gauze to press against her wound in an effort to stop some of the bleeding. She could not bring herself to cry, she had no strength left in her to do that. Still she managed to bring one of her hands up to clasp one of her husband's hands.

"I love you.......I always will..." Her voice came out rather raspy and strangled.

Knowing what was happening, her husband began to cry even harder, his arms desperately clutching onto her.

"No! Don't say that my little dove! You're going to be fine! Trust me." He seemed to be saying that more to himself than her, trying to convince himself that this was not real, that it was only a nightmare that they'd get through with together.

But she had already resigned herself to her fate. Knowing she had no time left, she reached up to cup one of his cheeks, her thumb stroking his skin softly.

"Remember.....we'll meet again someday..... I loved you now....and I'll love you in another life."

With one last faint smile, she held her final breath before her head fell back, eyes closing as her spirit left her body. Her lover's body trembled erratically, eyes scrunching tightly, teeth clenched so fiercely they could nearly break apart by his sheer strength. He clung his soul mate's lifeless body against his own, sobbing violently against her neck. Looking up, he let out a heartwrenching and agonizing scream that echoed across the forest.

Part of him died that day just like the love of his life.

━━━━━━━༺۵༻━━━━━━━

~April 15th, 2019: Present Day~

"Man...that is one sad, depressing story."

One of the members of the group sighed out as his other mate read out the history behind the beautiful and seemingly enchanting forest that they were currently touring across.

"I know right? To think that such a tragic love story occurred right here." One of the taller members said, stepping carefully around the branches that were scattered about the field.

"Enough of this romantic soulmate nonsense, how long is this trail anyways? I'm tired, I'm sweating, it's hot and I'm hungry. Which one of you guys decided it was a good idea to go into nature and explore it? Especially with all these bugs around." The nagging individual slapped his arm once more, killing off another mosquito that seemed to take a liking to his blood.

While all of them continued on ahead, forming pairs or simply admiring the view alone with their phones to capture memories, the lonely member all the way in the back kept his head down. His cat like eyes often looked around, taking in some small details that hardly anyone paid attention to. Brushing some of his black bangs away from his eyes, he felt some sort of nostalgic feeling as he walked along the semi even path laid out for tourists like them. He stopped in his tracks when he came to a particular spot. Looking to his right side, he saw a very narrow off trail that led into the more dense and deep part of the forest. Although his mind told him to stay on the trail so as to not get lost, he found some strange force pulling him in the opposite direction. Without even second guessing it, he wandered off, not caring about if his group mates saw him or not.

As he past all the trees, shrubs and even the tiny squirrels and butterflies that still inhabited those regions, he couldn't shake off the deja vu feeling that fell over him. He strangely felt familiar with his surroundings, even though he was kilometers away from his home country. As he made a sharp turn to avoid hitting against a wide tree, an image suddenly flashed in his head. A galloping horse, the rider, whose face he couldn't see, passing right by where he just past.

"Weird..." He brushed it off, thinking that perhaps the rays of the sun were starting to get to him.

As he came upon a more wider path, he stopped immediately at a certain spot. Another image seemed to pass through his mind, although more blurred, he could faintly make out a silhouette of a man holding onto the body of a woman. Just as soon as it came, it soon vanished. He didn't understand why, but standing right on that spot seemed to cause him pain. Indeed he could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he had absolutely no idea why.

"God what is wrong with me?" He thought as he wiped them away, perhaps he was being extra emotional or something, especially after hearing that story about the forest.

A snapping branch made him aware that someone else was approaching where he was. Looking up in the direction, he felt his breath being taken away as two [insert color] eyes were locked on him. He couldn't even blink, he just continued to stare at the figure standing mere feet away from him. The same energy that pulled him in that direction was suddenly making him pull his feet off the ground and make their way towards the person. He had never seen them before in his entire life and yet.....

He felt as if he knew them, his heart feeling some sort of longing and aching for them. And he could sense that the other person was feeling the exact way he was, for they too were taking careful steps toward him, keeping eye contact with him. Soon they both stood right in front of each other, both had mesmerized expressions as they studied the person in front of them. Without knowing what caused him to do that, the male reached a hand out towards his partner, which she did not hesitate to hold in her own. A wave of shock ran through both of their bodies when they touched, their emotions suddenly burning with passion and love that only grew stronger as their fingers clasped against each other. Swallowing hard, the male decided it was time to speak up.

"Hi..... my name is Choi San."

The woman smiled at hearing his voice. Even though it was the first time she heard it, she knew it, it was oddly familiar.

"I'm Y/N L/N." She responded.

Neither of them flinched away, they simply continued to stare at one another. Although strangers, they felt as if they knew each other for centuries. Unable to help himself, San lowered his face so he could press his forehead against hers.

"It sounds insane..... but I feel I love you." He confessed, his lips brushing against hers.

She let out a soft hum at his statement.

"Then I guess we're both insane, because I feel like I love you as well."

Closing the gap between them, San cupped one cheek with his hand, giving her the faintest whisper of a kiss. The feeling was so raw and so endearing that it sent a warm sensation to their hearts. When they pulled away, his arm snaked around to wrap around her waist.

"It's like we were destined to be."

She chuckled at his words before finishing his sentence.

"Yes....you and I.....

Until eternity."

━━━━━━━༺۵༻━━━━━━━

[may-fanfic]

Don't Take My Sunshine

summary: love like yours was forbidden in the time period, afraid of ridicule that you both could face, you and wanda remain a secret.

warnings: mentions of old fashion punishment

word count: 2,330

masterlist

a/n: thank you for 500 followers! I've had such bad writer's block for the past couple of days but I hope you all enjoy this story.

((feel free to send in any request you may have 💕))

------

She was the sun, bright and warm whenever she wasn't around; your life felt dark and dull. You cherished moments spent with her, even if they weren't long. You knew she was constantly busy; even a second of her time was precious. When Wanda announced in a letter that she'd be around much longer this go around, you were excited when her letter read that she wanted to enjoy every wakening second with you.

Wanda showed you that she loved you in many ways; although the girl never spoke a word of it, you knew the feeling was there. It was too hard to ignore the chemistry that poured out over the two of you when you were around; it was impossible to ignore the pound and burn of your hearts when near each other. Love was a simple thing when it came to Wanda; she showed it in the way she looked at you, held you, and even sent gifts to ensure that you'd known that you were in her thoughts. Even when she was away, Wanda was determined to make sure you understood and remembered the inevitable feelings that you both had for each other.

Wanda often feared that if she had not been around long enough, your feelings would disappear during all the lonely days you'd have to spend without her, so she always went out of her way to make sure you knew how she felt. Words were never enough for her; she could never imagine the words that would seep past her lips could give her feelings justice, so she never tried. She never dared to let her feelings mutter past her lips in fear that you'd think she was being foolish.

You were the only one who truly understood her; she was only herself around you; god forbid anyone found out about her secret, she'd be burned at the stake, but you swore to keep her secret buried deep inside you till the end of time. She trusted with everything she had that you would keep that promise.

When the carriage arrived, you could feel your heart thump against your chest, all the time you spent longing for the woman, and now she had only been a few feet away. You hoped she meant every word she wrote in the letters; the purest form of hope was set upon your shoulders as you waited anxiously by your family's door. You anticipated for her to step out of that damn carriage, nibbling on your lip. You were excited to spend every moment you two had left together, hand in hand as she promised.

But, when Wanda stepped out, she was arm and arm with a man; he looked important enough, he looked expensive. The dress Wanda wore must've cost a fortune; you had never seen such luxury up close. Wanda's lips were painted red; they held a smile until she watched the way yours dropped. You felt like a fool at that moment, staring back at the young couple who stood tall. You couldn't understand the meaning behind all this, so you turned back into your family's home, leaving Wanda and your family to greet each other as you raced to your bedroom.

You were alone, drowning in your thoughts for a moment before a soft knock sounded by your door. You yelled for the person to go away, but they had not listened; instead, they pushed open the door. Your breathing was sharp when you met her gaze, your frown deepening.

"My love, what's troubling you?" she questioned, her voice sweet and gentle. There was a moment when all your anger melted away, and all you could see was her, dressed up all lovely. "what's troubling me?" you scoffed, your eyes watering and your lips quivering as you took a step towards her. "that man!" your voice raised as bitter tears leaked from your eyes.

"darling," she hummed quietly, her hands coming up to hold your cheeks. "It's not like that with him." she smiled down at you, her hands caressing your reddened cheeks, wiping away the droplets that pooled over and damped your cheeks. "He's like us," she reassured, causing the pound in your heart to subside. "oh." you breathed out; a soft giggle burst past her lips.

"I can't exactly travel alone." you knew that women couldn't take a trip without the assistance of a man; you hated that it never crossed your mind; you should've never assumed the worst. "I could never cherish another," she whispered before you could utter out anything else; the woman leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips. It silenced all the nagging thoughts that made your head spin; all you could feel and focus on was her.

Wanda relentlessly broke the kiss, her hands caressing your face for a moment longer before she ultimately moved away, a tender smile taking over her kiss bruised lips. "We can't stay long; the others would wonder." you stood tall on your tippy-toes, catching her lips in a shorter kiss. It was almost painful to break away from such pleasures, but you knew deep down, wanda was right. You feared the idea of your family finding the two of you; you knew you'd be ridiculed for committing such acts.

----

Your mother was determined to find you a suitable man to marry you off. No matter the number of times you fuzzed and yelled at her that you weren't ready, she never listened. She was prepared to find you anyone to pass you off to, which is why the meetings and dinners occurred. You figured with Wanda as a guest, she'd push aside the thoughts of marrying you, but the idea that wanda found herself a man only encouraged her to find you someone quicker. It'd be a shame to the family name if she were unable to find you a partner.

The man was sweet enough; he was charming even. You knew deep down that he wasn't the problem, but you felt emptiness as you looked at him. It felt like nothing, unlike the swirling fits of emotion you felt for Wanda.

"I would like to marry you." he reminded, a grin taking over his pink lips; you cringed at the thoughts of being his wife, the mother to his children. You recoiled at the idea of having to spend every night of your life sleeping next to him. "I wouldn't." you spat out, giving him a sarcastic smile before taking a sip of your piping hot tea. It burned the tip of your tongue, and as you swallowed down the flavorful liquid, it stung your throat. It brought some form of comfort, the remainder that you could still feel despite the void you felt engulfed you like the black hole.

"Why not? I could give you the life women could only dream of." you could roll your eyes, he had nothing to offer you, and no amount of fortune could ever fulfill you. "I'm in love with another," you stated bluntly, shrugging when you watched the smirk on his lips disappear in the blink of an eye. He could be a devilish shapeshifter with how quickly his emotions alternated.

"So why am I wasting my time then?" you did not have any words for him as you showed him out, grinning to yourself when you were alone. The silence was so pleasing, you could finally hear your thoughts, and they screamed so loud for Wanda. She was all you could think about; you dreamt of her every night, the concept of running off to live with her somewhere filled you with euphoria.

Your mother's nagging soon followed the silence, but you drowned her out, your mind so far away that you could hardly snap back into reality; you were happy in your head. There were no troubles in the paradise that lived within your thoughts.

------

Laughs filled the crisp wind as the two of you walked hand in hand around the field of wildflowers. Nothing could disturb the sanctuary that had been built around you and Wanda. The town was nosy; anyone could spread the news that you found love in a woman, but at that moment, you couldn't care. Wanda turned to you abruptly, her hands laced with yours. You leaned up against your favorite tree, one your great-granddad built in honor of your birth, and smiled up at the woman.

"I could die today and feel so complete knowing I have you." her words filled your ears like music, all too rich. You squeezed her hands, staring up at Wanda with adoration. "I love you." the words seeped past your lips; you had written it out to her so much before, but you never spoke of it.

"I love you a million times more." her words left her lips almost as a promise, a commitment for eternally. You reeled the woman closer until she was only a breath away, catching her lips in a passionate kiss that would undoubtedly leave you both gasping for air. Your jaw would ache, and your lungs would burn, but your heart would fill so full.

A gasp sounded, causing the both of you to break apart abruptly, your heart pounding against your chest, your eyes wide, and your breathing uneven. "Your mother told me to fetch you." the stranger stated, his gaze moving between you and wanda. "I was not expecting to see such heinous things; your folks will be hearing about this," he swore with a look of disgust; you could feel your heart in your stomach when he turned away and began storming back in the direction of your home. You called out for him, moving to chase after him to stop him in his act, but wanda caught your hand, preventing you from leaving.

"It's no use, my darling." she frowned, her hands lacing with yours. "We must try something." you cried for her to figure something out, fix this for the both of you somehow, but by the look on her face, she could not think of anything. The truth was out, and now you'd have to face the consequences of it all.

You dreaded the idea of having to walk into your home and face your family; you knew it would end so terribly. You swallowed hard; your hands shook; it was fear that washed over you; you were bound to face your certainty. You knew you would be told that your freedom to see Wanda was revoked, and they'd force you to marry a man of their choosing, or worse, the two of you would be burned for expressing your love for each other in public, none of this would end well.

The house was quiet, and for a moment, you could've been fooled into thinking the man had never returned to your home and spoke a word of your affair with Wanda. "It'll be okay, dear," she whispered into your ear, but then your father stern voice boomed through the quiet residence.

"What is this nonsense I've heard?"

"Father, I can explain." you tried, dropping the woman's hand and entering the home completely. You felt small under his gaze; you wish you could melt away into the floor and disappear from your father's glare, but you couldn't; you could only stand there in horror. "Wanda, you must leave," he uttered, you snapped your gaze over to look at wanda from over your shoulder.

"I'm not leaving without my beloved." she crossed her arms, standing tall and bold. She had not been afraid of the man; she was not frightened of anything. She'd never let anything stand in the way of her loving you.

"She's not yours to love," he growled; the woman huffed, taking steps forward to grip your wrist. "She's all mine, sir."

"If you do not leave this instant, I will notify the authorities." she scoffed.

"Call who you want; it won't change the fact that I'm in love with your daughter, and I will be until the end of time," she argued, her hand tightening with yours before she pulled you closer to almost protect you from him. "You can't,"

"I can, and I do," she stated bluntly, rolling her eyes when he turned and left the both of you, giving her one more warning to leave. You knew she wouldn't go, but you needed her to leave; she couldn't be here. She could be hurt or killed, and you'd never be able to live with yourself if something happened to Wanda.

"You must go!" you shouted, ripping your hand from hers, watching as pain washed over her expressions. "I will not,"

"He'll kill you," you yelled, causing her frown to deepen. "I'll be happy to die for your honor."

"Go, Wanda! Gather your things and go!" her eyes clouded with tears, and her plump lips quivered. Nothing could ever pain her more than leaving you behind with such troubles.

"But I love you."

"And I do you, but you must go." you reached up, your hands cupping her cheeks softly. "Go for me, my dear." The powers that Wanda tried so hard to conceal had been bubbling up inside her veins, but then you leaned up and left her with a chaste goodbye kiss, and it soothed her long enough to prevent anything from escaping.

"I'll write to you every day," you reassured, wiping away the stray tears that escaped her bright eyes. "That will never be enough."

"It has to be for now."

Watching Wanda leave stung, it felt like a part of your soul and heart had been ripped from you, and now you felt nothing but emptiness; you were alone. Wanda was the sun, and you were a flower; you could never survive without the comforting warmth and brightness that the girl provided; you were nothing without her, and every day until you could see her again, you'd feel as if you were already dead.

[rfaromance]

day 3: carnation (striped) - wishing to be yours

"I wish you were here..."

As soon as the words left his lips, Ray felt a twinge of regret. Had he gone too far, in confessing how much he missed her? Once upon a time, he would have believed that she wouldn't find any fault in him, wouldn't ridicule him, wouldn't scorn him like the rest of the world had done. He was firmly devoted to the notion that they were made for each other, broken halves who could combine to form a united whole, and that as soon as he could help her see that her destiny was to love him, they'd be able to enjoy the eternal party together. He didn't just will it to come true; he knew it to be true.

Why, then, had his princess slipped out of his grasp...?

The other end of the line was silent, which was uncharacteristic of her. Cho Hee was a fire that never burned out, a constant source of warmth and light and energy. She was always raring to go, brightening up a room with her conversation, her spunk, her style, her heart, her soul.

A light that the foul, debase creatures of the dark world were all too eager to steal.

Why was she so quiet now, when Ray desperately needed to hear her voice? He needed some reassurance that she had existed in the first place.

"If you stay with me and hold my hand..." he continued, and he slowly curled his fingers as if he were gripping onto someone else's hand beside him, "If you stroke my head telling me everything will be okay..." Now he could feel the tears beginning to well in his eyes, and he prayed that they didn't swell up his throat before he could get out the words he needed to say. "Then I don't think I'll have nightmares anymore..."

"Do you have a lot of nightmares?" a gentle voice asked at last. It wasn't like her to be quiet, either, but Ray didn't mind this side of her. He liked this soft glow to Cho Hee's fire, too, like candlelight. If he could just have that candle here in this hauntingly empty room, then maybe the denizens of the shadows that crept up on his subconscious and mocked him in his sleep would disappear, turned to ashes when faced with the glow of an angel.

"I... do not sleep often," Ray replied unsteadily, waiting for the stinging at the corners of his eyes and in the nooks of his chest to settle down before he continued. "When I do, I rarely dream. But when I dream... they're all nightmares." His voice was hardly above a whisper as he finished. "About my mother. About the liar. About a world that would sooner see me dead than help me." A harsh lump was forming in his throat, and he forced himself to swallow and try to push it down.

Were his tears or his words what were causing him to choke?

"I've given up on dreams, so I make wishes instead."

He couldn't be sure, but he was willing to bet that Cho Hee was nodding on the other side of the phone. She was very attentive, a very good listener.

Too good of a listener, apparently, to be swept up in that traitor's lies and allow him to lure her away.

"It's good to make wishes!" she declared, a little more boldly than he expected. "Something to keep your hopes up! Big wishes, small wishes, they're all wonderful things!" Her voice sounded strained; was she drinking enough, eating enough, sleeping enough?

That fiend could never give her the treatment she rightfully deserved, the life that Ray had so carefully orchestrated for her.

"But my wish won't come true..." he murmured softly, and he winced as he heard the light gasp that slipped out of Cho Hee's lips. "It never has..."

"Y-you shouldn't talk like that, Ray," she stammered. "It's okay to start small with wishes, you know! You have to take baby steps that add up to big strides! It's like, you know, you can't run a marathon if you've never run a mile! Of course, I don't run at all. I'm not a cardio girl. Although there was this one time when a goose--"

"Please." A prayer, one so light that it could have easily been a trick of the wind.

"Hmm?"

"Please," Ray repeated. "Don't force yourself for me. Don't..."

He wouldn't be able to bear it if even she began to lie to him as well.

"I just don't want to hear you so miserable," Cho Hee murmured at last, her dancing flames dwindling down from their previous heights, now containing themselves in a fireplace. The sound of her voice lured him in, and he desperately wanted to curl up beside the crackling flames and drift away into a peaceful slumber.

But did he want to risk falling asleep and letting her fade into nothing more than a long-lost dream?

"I'm so afraid you'll forget me..." Ray admitted, and now he could feel the tears pooling once again. The saline sting forced him to close his eyes, but he could still picture her face so vividly, from every freckle on her nose to the exact hue of her eyes--that was just the type of presence she had. She was a statement, she was unforgettable. He was a whisper, he was unremarkable. But he could have been her everything, if that treacherous snail hadn't snuck in and ruined the eternity that Ray had planned.

Was he never meant to have a happily ever after?

"I miss you so much..."

Why wouldn't she say it back?

"I could forget these bad feelings sealed within me... for a moment... when I imagined that you're waiting for me in your room..." The words were starting to tumble out of him now, despite himself, and so did the tears that he'd tried to stifle. He couldn't hold back any more, and he had no reason to do so. He'd tried to ease her into living at Magenta, he'd tried to let her go at her own pace in joining Mint Eye. He had planned every moment of her life down to the second, but Cho Hee's flames couldn't be contained to any delineated path. He'd given her too much freedom, too much time alone, too much time to think and question and ponder and explore. Ultimately, Ray had nobody to blame for himself for giving Jihyun Kim the opportunity to sneak into her heart and steal it away.

A heart that only belonged to Ray, to Ray, to Ray!

Or so he had thought.

"But right now I know that you're not here..." Dripping, dripping down his face, some carving scars into his cheeks while others splattered like blood on his coat. "And it hurts so much. I can't stop my tears."

"Ray..." Cho Hee's voice was trembling, as if she were about to start crying too. "Breathe in for me, okay? And then breathe out. You need... you need to calm down," she begged him. "I don't want you to hurt."

If she wanted what was best for him, why would she have left in the first place?

No, he couldn't put any fault on her. She was just innocent, naive, too pure and too unsuspecting and too perfect of prey for the greedy sinners of the world to hunt down.

"I want you to be happy, Ray."

He didn't want to listen to her, not through the phone. Not from so far away, where he couldn't reach her.

"Please don't leave me here..."

He couldn't survive out there, in this brutal world designed to trample weaklings like him. He wasn't needed, he wasn't useful, he wasn't worth the time and effort of keeping alive.

But in this building, where her ghost danced in the halls and her scent wafted in the garden and her touch lingered in the bed and her voice whispered in the air, a spectre that only he could feel and see and hear... he wouldn't be able to endure that, either.

He'd get her back, one way or another. And this time, he would never let her out of his sights again. He'd be careful next time, making sure she knew how this world truly operated. She'd see that she had made a mistake in trusting Jihyun Kim, she'd see that Ray was the only one who could love her and appreciate her without ever taking her for granted.

He'd ensure she never even dreamed of leaving him again.

But to do that... first he needed to draw her back to him, before the RFA extinguished her light.

"Please... don't leave me alone..."

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 34

💖 first time reader click here 💖

A little bit of plot, but mostly ironstrange x reader filthy porn. Bukkake stuff. Stephen finally opening up a lil bit, I mean... I've slept through a 1/3 of a hospital and lemme tell you, doctors are kinky bastards. On the same note, there's definitely going to be a chapter where all three men are involved after the plot shit is resolved.

There was something big brewing. I had a hunch... which was more like a strong sense of doom... hanging over me and the rest of the world. Peter also had noticed the sudden spike in anxiety, quoting the sudden disappearance of many low-tier mutants from the streets. Usually, Peter dealt with at least a few enhanced enemies during his patrols but the closer it got to Christmas, the less enhanced bothered with small-time crimes, the more intense the buzzing of his Spidey sense became.

Now that my immediate lack of income wasn't a problem anymore, I set business onto that damn mercenary. I was no spy, I was no SHIELD operative but... I could be very clever.

First things first, I had to make sure I would stay alive no matter what. A subdermal tracker was a good guarantee of security and I spent many hours making one - having to keep it a secret was incredibly hard, I hated lying to my loves and I hated avoiding Wanda even more - I was constantly on the edge around the telepath, hyperfocused on keeping up the pretense of normalcy.

I wouldn't be me if I couldn't successfully pull off a whole ass façade. Unfortunately, the continued failures of the people searching left and right for the mercenary only fueled my strength for the inevitable fuck-fest that I would have to create in order to make sure my people get the peace they fucking deserve. The web of lies grew in size every damn day.

Subdermal tracker, an implant that reports directly to Friday upon activation. It hurt like a bitch - I had cut myself open, an inch wide gash on the inside of my forearm - and put it in without any anesthesia in my own bathroom, not even thinking twice before making up a lie that I had been careless in the lab and hurt myself.

An antidote to common tranquilizers, creating it gave me a headache the size of Moscow but I'd been successful; Tony assembled the whole team when he found it out, offering me a ridiculous amount of money for the formula. It was weird. SHIELD was interested, too, and I had to witness Tony and Coulson argue. Apparently, the agency wanted to recruit me and Tony was adamantly against it, totally forgetting the promise Natasha had given me. In the end, the spy and Coulson shared a quiet conversation and the man left, respectfully complimenting my skills.

I sold the formula to Stark Industries, unable to get rid of the weirdness of the situation. I had to shake hands with my own boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend... In a business setting. What. Just what. Bucky and Stephen couldn't stop laughing at the face I made all throughout that day - and Clint even went as far as to bake me a gag cake, a cartooney handshake drawn in frosting on top of it. I hit him with a spatula, Loki smiled in his direction for the first time in, like, ever. It was a trip and Tony had way too much fun with the incident.

Perhaps, turning myself into a cyborg stew wasn't the best plan that was possible to think up in a few weeks' time but I've never claimed to be exceptionally intelligent; if anything, I've always considered myself to be a moderately educated idiot. It is common knowledge that there are two halves of a whole idiot: my second half was on his way from California, having had received my very detailed e-mail about the whole cursed box fiasco and the consequences that followed. I could barely contain my excitement at the prospect of seeing uncle Eddie and his symbiote again.

Tony wasn't even half as excited; if anything, he bordered on outright hostile, bickering, and sassing everybody left and right. It could have been the situation at hand finally getting on his last nerves. It could have been his jealousy, the same that appeared every time I paid extra attention to someone that wasn't him, Bruce or Stephen. Either way, Bruce was sighing all the time now and Stephen's remarks began to fill with poison once again.

Just like the good old times, I guess. I was forced to pull a Me over and over, interrupting their petty arguments with increasingly absurd remarks. I felt like everybody was laughing at me these days, which ended in only one way it could have...

"Brat," Stephen's patience was paper-thin and, being forcefully distracted from yelling at Tony, he directed his angst at the nearest person - me. "I oughta put you over my knee. I swear to Cosmos..."

"Blah, blah, blah. Don't you ever get tired of listening to yourself talk?" I raised my eyebrows, tone deceptively calm. "You're talking too much for someone who can't even..." I didn't get to finish my sentence, suddenly finding my mouth firmly glued shut. It was magic - the sensation was pulling, but not unpleasant. Reminded me of a ball gag Tony had used on me in the early days of our relationship.

"Now, Dumbledore, hold your horses..." Tony interjected looking none-too-happy. The engineer placed a warning arm on the sorcerer's bicep, their little spat seemingly forgotten.

"What, Tony? She's been nothing but a mouthy urchin the past few days, I can't stand it anymore," They shared a meaningful look; no matter how much Tony wanted to argue, he knew Stephen was right. What he didn't know was that there probably have been a magic versus science altercation... Or worse. Humiliation was a small price to pay for some (relative) peace.

I did what I do best. I annoyed them further, throwing up a juicy middle finger to the two men and turned around with a huff, mind set on finding Loki to undo the mute ban Stephen gave me. Needless to say, I didn't make it very far.

In mere seconds, I was sandwiched between the two men, Stephen's finger delicately holding my chin to force me to look into his eyes. Tony was holding onto my shoulders from behind me - I could feel the tension, my engineer was almost buzzing with it. I was pretty sure my eyes were laughing anyway because Stephen's frown slowly transformed into a coy smirk once his stormy blues focused on my face.

"Brat," He repeated once again. "She's doing this on purpose."

"I can't say I'm surprised," Tony's breath tickled the nape of my neck. "That does sound like our little Princess," Apparently, it took all of a 0.1 second for Tony to switch from annoyed to horny. Men, they were so easy to play. "Baby, if you wanted our attention you could have just said so," He chastised me, hands sliding down to my waist.

I hummed, and then aggressively hummed some more until Stephen removed the magical gag. "Not like you'd notice it, being occupied with tearing each other's hair out," I pouted.

The sorcerer briefly averted his eyes, leaning down to softly kiss my pout. It was very unlikely I'd get an actual apology but a kiss I won't be complaining about either. "So, your best tactic was to annoy us even more? How does that work out for you?"

I pulled on the tied fabric around his waist, bringing him closer to me. "Pretty good, if I'm being honest. You're exactly where I wanted you to be," Carelessly, I began untying the layers of silks and cotton I had become intimately familiar with over the course of the past few weeks. Most of the time Steph wore his wizard garbs and while figuring out how to undo them was a trip at first, I had gotten him desperate enough a few times, for him to show me a few tips and tricks for easier access.

Tony snorted somewhere behind me. "You just want us for our bodies," His hands wormed their way under my shirt, brushing the underside of my breasts. Bra? Hardly know her. "Our beautiful, sexy bodies." Yes Tony, very humble.

"When will you learn, people?" I asked rhetorically, simultaneously leaning into both Tony's and Stephen's touch. "Why fight each other when you could be fucking me into oblivion instead?"

Stephen snorted, still not completely used to the at times crude things that left my (and occasionally Tony's) mouth. I had a hunch the sorcerer was holding back somewhat - for whatever reason - and I was eagerly waiting for him to get comfortable enough to reveal that special part of himself. Whatever it was, I just knew it was delicious and sinful and-

"Do you really think I will be giving you what you want after your little... Stunt?" Steph went balls out; his voice dropped and the intensity of his stare left me breathless. The hand that was stroking my face wrapped around my throat as he had some sort of a silent conversation with Tony.

"Yeah," I emphasized the word with an inaudible 'duh' behind it but obediently trotted along as Stephen backed up towards the couch, leading me by the throat like a pet on a leash. I was steadily going into 'no thoughts, head empty' territory.

"I like it when you get all bossy," Tony remarked casually but he was close enough for me to hear the strain in his voice. Every time we fucked, Tony eagerly gave up the control to Stephen. I definitely saw the appeal. Stephen Strange demanded authority effortlessly, his stern but fair attitude simply demanded to kneel.

That's just what I did. As soon as Stephen made himself comfortable on the Italian leather couch, I dropped to my knees, looking up at the man with big round eyes. Just like Tony and Bruce, Stephen had his own weaknesses when it came to moi and I wasn't ashamed to exploit them. Steph's stroked my hair, carding careful fingers through it, slowly unbuttoning his pants with his other hand.

"If you insist on being mouthy, I have a better task for you," He husked, pulling me closer towards him. I called it his doctor voice. Honestly, I don't have a clue how his surgical team could be around him with their pants on back in the day... The man was a snack on a silver platter.

Steph's erection sprang free. I didn't hesitate to wrap my hand around it, stroking the underside of his glans just like he liked it, looking to the side where Tony landed on the couch next to Stephen, a curious look on his face. Yeah, Tony liked to watch. Me and Stephen or me and Bruce... Me and Stephen and Bruce? That's an idea for later.

"Don't mind little old me," Tony smirked his trademark Stark mischief, getting comfortable, ditching his oil-stained shirt and unbuttoning his pants to lazily palm himself through his boxers. "Carry on," The smirk only grew when Tony noticed both me and Steph eyeing him with amusement.

I hid my grin, nodding my head, before wrapping my lips around the tip of Stephen's cock, relaxing my throat to prepare for the intrusion. Sweet and salty, the slit on his cockhead was mercilessly teased by the tip of my tongue.

Stephen murmured encouragements under his breath as I began to bob up and down, him controlling the pace with a hand in my hair, just the right balance between cruel and gentle. The sorcerer was always too good to me, bringing me to the point of overstimulation and instantly soothing the ache afterward; "Fuck, darling, your mouth feels like heaven," He groaned as I snuck a look upwards to see his lips parted and a steady flush crawling up his neck.

"She knows how to work a man, doesn't she?" Tony's lust had him panting, hips moving into his own hand. He leaned closer to Stephen, brushing my hair behind my ear with a tender hand. "Merlin needs to share," Tony began pulling me in his direction. I reluctantly let go of Stephen's cock, keeping up the pace with my hand as I scooted closer to Tony to be able to mouth at his stiff erection.

Watching me suck cock always got Tony hard enough to pound nails with. I couldn't blame him, I knew what I could do and did well; by the time I made my way down his thick flesh, drool was dripping down my chin and the make-up around my eyes was surely smeared by tears. My engineer was much less gentle than Steph, pounding my face without reservations.

"I know you can take it, baby girl, fuck," My face was held in his strong grip, thumbs digging into my jaw. "Such a good girl," The two words went straight down to my pussy and I had to squirm and clench my thighs together, whining at the lack of friction.

The air was pierced by a low moan - Stephen was fisting his erection almost desperately now, almost as desperately as I was humping the air, whining like a bitch in heat at the taste of Tony's cock in my mouth. I knew neither of the men would last long, not with all that pent up tension running through their minds and bodies.

"Fuck, come here, baby girl," The engineer yanked me off his cock, gripping the base of it so forcefully his knuckles turned white. I was all but dragged into the space between them; still kneeling, barely seeing with snot and tears smeared all over my face, I couldn't hold in the broken moan as the realization set in.

"Keep your eyes open!" Steph instructed furiously, scooting to tower over me. Tony followed in his steps as I obediently lifted my eyes to their cocks and then their faces; nearly identical furrowed brow expressions stared back at me, lips moist and eyes wide. Both men stroked themselves with renewed vigor.

I hummed softly before sticking out my tongue; their reaction didn't let me wait long. Strings of pearly white cum landed in my hair, on my face; I felt the warmth on my skin and tasted their salt and musk on the tip of my tongue, reflexively swallowing each and every drop that landed in my mouth, savoring it just like I savored the sinful groans that left their mouths.

"Fuck, you're so good to us," Tony panted, gracelessly falling backward onto the couch.

Stephen, however, didn't hurry to catch his breath, giving me a thoughtful look. His fingers shook more than ever but he paid no mind to the discomfort, gathering the cum dripping down my face with two fingers and offering it to me, holding them up to my lips as I gently cleaned them off. And he did it again, and again, until Tony gave a weak moan of recognition, throwing an arm under his head.

"Be polite, Princess," Stephen's voice hadn't lost the lust in it just yet.

"Thank you, sir," I mumbled, utterly captivated by the way he was looking at me. Stormy blues radiated a strong sense of intensity, devotion perhaps, that I wasn't ready for.

Stephen smiled at me, almost coyly, before kneeling right next to me and bringing me over the edge with a few sharp, clever movements of his hand. I held onto his shoulders for dear life, barely noticing Tony's reaction - if there was one - my other lover seemed to be as surprised as I was, choosing to hang back and observe the unusual situation.

I had a feeling that whatever it was, it would make another appearance during our playtime. It wasn't just sex, it wasn't making love - it was... Something. I loved every second of it.

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