#like they dont directly say it but it comes down to them being like uhhh youre not spiritual enough bc you take meds

[giverofempathy]

sundays are always. something i guess

[literaphobe]

I love your take on the wlw Love Square! Now I'm curious about your take on an mlm Love Square

ive actually never thought about mlm love square. but for you anon? okay!

ladynoir: ifl mlm ladynoir would spar so much and be a lot more competitive about whos in charge. boy ladybug is a bit of a dick about how Being the ladybug miraculous holder makes him the de facto leader and when master fu starts training him he rubs it in chat noirs face. chat noirs retort is always about how master fu clearly thinks he doesn’t NEED his hand held because he’s so obviously the more competent one. secretly he is very sad that master fu doesn’t gaf about him. boy ladybug also slowly stops bragging about all the responsibility because he realizes its not a title of honor but a heavy rock he’s been saddled with but he can’t look weak in front of chat or he won’t ever let him live it down. one day they get into a shouting match that ends with them passionately making out only to run away after because What The Fuck

adrienette: ifl boy marinette would be the perfect like. all rounder. good at gaming, good at sports, best grades in the class, extremely talented at fashion design. bro would be drowning in bitches and equally oblivious about the fact that everyone wants him so fucking bad. like without misogyny he would fly so high. adrien would have complicated feelings about him bc gabriel would weirdly compare them and be like if not for the inferiority of his birth, he would be a better son for myself than you <- or something else fucked up that cuts adrien deep. but then gabriel finds out that boy marinette is a mlm and never speaks of him again. even tells adrien not to hang around him OR imitate him in anyway. praises adrien for being a good straight son (without directly saying straight…? idk) and it only makes adrien more determined to become friends w marionette

marichat: chat noir sees marinette on his rooftop balcony and is like um Hey i know we barely know each other but i heard about u coming out recently and Uhhh i hope ur okay i heard the Agreste brand rejected you for their summer program because of it and that really sucks and hes like oh. thank you. i dont know how you heard about that but thats really nice. im okay really. my parents are really supportive and the fact that gabriel agreste is homophobic makes me not want to have anything to do with him or his brand. and chat is like oh… everything? even his… son? and boy marinette is like are u kidding? adriens one of the best people i know. i feel bad that he has to live with a father like that. and chat is like yeah. me too. and marinette is like confused like did u come here just to talk to me about adrien agreste? and chat is like oh um. i actually um. came here to ask for advice on coming out bc im gay…? its half an excuse because every night he thinks about the time he kissed boy ladybug but also he does not know what his sexuality is. hes like. its almost as if hes not allowed to like men. and yet… ANYWAY. marionette is like um. i guess coming out advice number one. don’t tell ur parents if ur dad is someone like gabriel agreste. and he laughs and chat is like haha! so funny! thank god im not adrien agreste! would suck to be him if he was gay! and boy marinette shrugs and is like eh. i doubt adrien’s gay anyway. i hope for his sake that he isn’t

ladrien: something happens that makes adrien’s identity as chat noir almost get compromised and he lies to boy ladybug and is like uh… i have the biggest crush on chat noir? he was um. my gay awakening? and ladybug gets a little jealous because hes in love w adrien and its like wow of fucking COURSE adrien likes chat noir. of course chat noir’s the hot sexy one who gets all the men he wants without even trying! his charms totally dont work on boy ladybug tho. of course not. them kissing that one time never happened. anyway in his annoyance he tells adrien hes free to go for chat noir because there’s no way he’d turn down Adrien Agreste™ and adrien is like hang on how did u know that chat noir’s gay????? and ladybug panics like FUCK did i just out chat based on what i know as boy marinette???? and he backtracks like WHAAAAAT no um i have no idea what chat noir’s sexuality is just um dont u think chat noir looks gay??? gives off such a gay vibe??????? and adrien is like WYM CHAT NOIR LOOKS GAY LIKE WHAT DID HE DO???? and its just a disaster all around

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, Jade Harley, Kanaya Maryam

Meat, page 41

ROXY: so uhhh

ROXY: dirk needs to be stopped from

ROXY: doin what again?

JADE: everything!!!

JADE: whatever hes trying to do RIGHT NOW!

JADE: like.....

JADE: um

JADE: woof this is going to be hard to explain :\

KANAYA: Are You Sure Jade

KANAYA: After All He Is The One Who Provided Me With The Medicine That Just Woke You Up

JADE: he did?

KANAYA: yes

JADE: huh

JADE: ok but...

JADE: hes the one who SHOT me in the first place!

ROXY: !!!

KANAYA: He What

ROXY: why would he do that

JADE: he needed me to be asleep

JADE: so that

JADE: he could... um

JADE: argh!

JADE: whats going on right now is really abstract, im sorry!

JADE: but you have to believe me this is a CRISIS!!!

KANAYA: Okay

KANAYA: But Maybe We Shouldnt Rush To Judgment

KANAYA: You Have Been In A Coma For Some Time

KANAYA: Maybe Its Best To Take A Little While To Recover And Then Gather Your Thoughts

JADE: but.....

KANAYA: For Now I Dont See Much Reason To Doubt Dirks Good Intentions

KANAYA: He Gave Me This Medicine

KANAYA: And We Just Had A Pretty Good Talk Today

KANAYA: I Think It Helped Me

KANAYA: Clear The Air On A Few Things

KANAYA: And Now I Feel Better I Think

KANAYA: Sad And Heartbroken Yes But

KANAYA: Free

ROXY: free

ROXY: whatre u talkin about kanaya

ROXY: what did he say

KANAYA: Hes Going To Take Good Care Of Rose

KANAYA: Probably Much Better Than Id Ever Be Able To

KANAYA: Ill Miss Her But Im At Least Thankful For That

JADE: THANKFUL??

JADE: kanaya...

JADE: did

JADE: did dirk KIDNAP ROSE?!

KANAYA: No No

KANAYA: Its Not Like That At All

KANAYA: You See He

KANAYA: Okay

KANAYA: Yes I Know How This Must Sound

ROXY: so like

ROXY: where IS rose

ROXY: is she with him

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: Theyre

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: I Guess They Have Formed A Strong Human Familial Bond Such That It Is No Longer Necessary For Rose To Have Me As Her Spouse

KANAYA: And Now They Will Leave This Planet Together And

KANAYA: Do Important Things I Guess Which Do Not Concern Us

ROXY: WHAT?????

KANAYA: No I Know

KANAYA: It Probably Sounds

KANAYA: Um

KANAYA: Well I Know How It Sounds But Please Believe Me That Appearances Are Misleading Here

ROXY: the appearance that like

ROXY: the dude just kidnapped ur fuckin WIFE and peaced out??

KANAYA: Y-

KANAYA: Yes?

KANAYA: I

KANAYA: Hmm

JADE: you see???

JADE: somethings wrong!

JADE: kanaya...

JADE: can i just ask

JADE: how did you come to feel this way? like, to be this ok with it i mean?

KANAYA: ...

JADE: did dirk convince you to be fine with this directly, like in a conversation?

JADE: or did you just make peace with it on your own?

KANAYA: I Was Running Around Desperately Trying To Catch Them In The Act Of Their Duplicitous Behavior

KANAYA: And Then

KANAYA: I Sat Down And Thought About It

KANAYA: And Realized I Was Being Foolish

KANAYA: That It Was Better To Let Rose Go If That Is What She Really Wanted

JADE: THERE!

JADE: THATS IT!

JADE: thats what im talking about, kanaya theres no WAY you would just let rose go like that without someone pulling the strings!

JADE: dirks been FUCKING with you!

JADE: hes been fucking with ALL OF US!!!

ROXY: god damn

ROXY: rly??

JADE: YES!

JADE: kanaya! THINK about it for a second!

JADE: think about how you REALLY feel! about rose, about all of this!

JADE: are you SURE youre just... FINE with rose leaving just like THAT?

KANAYA: Im...

KANAYA: Wait

KANAYA: I Dont...

KANAYA: Im Confused

ROXY: ???

KANAYA: Why Didnt I At Least

KANAYA: Demand To See My Wife Before They Departed While I Had Dirk On The Phone

ROXY: omg u didnt even SEE her before she left??

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: At The Time It Didnt Feel Right To Ask I Guess

KANAYA: I Was So Devastated I Thought

KANAYA: That I Should Just

KANAYA: I Dont Know What I Thought

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: What Was I THINKING?

JADE: :(

KANAYA: HAVE I LOST MY FUCKING MIND?????????

KANAYA: WHAT HAS DIRK DONE TO MY WIFE?!

ROXY: whoa

ROXY: what u mean there

KANAYA: HE DID SOMETHING TO HER!

KANAYA: HE HAS CORRUPTED HER IN SOME WAY!

KANAYA: I KNOW ROSE! I LOVE ROSE!

KANAYA: SHE WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO ME!

KANAYA: SHE WOULDNT DO IT TO ANYONE! NOT UNLESS SHE WAS UNDER DURESS IN SOME WAY!

KANAYA: ITS DIRK! ITS *ALWAYS* BEEN DIRK!!

KANAYA: HE IS BEHIND THIS! ILL GET HIM FOR THIS!

KANAYA: ***I SWEAR THAT I SHALL MAKE HIM PAY DEARLY FOR STEALING MY BELOVED WIFE!***

ROXY: :o

KANAYA: JADE!!!!!

KANAYA: TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!

KANAYA: WHY DOES DIRK HAVE TO BE STOPPED?! WHAT DOES THAT *MEAN*?!!

KANAYA: HOW DID YOU LEARN OF ALL THIS?! TELL ME YOUR SECRETS DAMN IT!

JADE: um... k-kan... kanyayaya...

JADE: argh! p-please! s-s-stop shaking me-e-e-e!

KANAYA: IM!

KANAYA: Im Sorry

JADE: when i was asleep, i saw things...

JADE: and was visited in my dreams by the old muse who once helped us

JADE: callies ghost double

JADE: and...

JADE: there was so much

JADE: all these memories from different timelines and such

JADE: sad memories, visions of death and sacrifices... a great battle with lord english

JADE: it was so overwhelming and hard to make sense of

KANAYA: Yes Yes But What About DIRK

JADE: im trying to get to that!

JADE: the thing with dirk is...

JADE: is...

KANAYA: Jade?

KANAYA: JADE???

ROXY: aw no

ROXY: not again with this shit

KANAYA: JADE! NO!

KANAYA: PLEASE SNAP OUT OF THIS...

KANAYA: THIS *GRIM CONDITION* OF SORTS

KANAYA: I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!

ROXY: kanaya pls chill

ROXY: ive seen this before

ROXY: theres no breakin her out of this

ROXY: except uh

ROXY: i guess by doing what dirk did?

ROXY: shooting her and wakin her up and...

ROXY: man

ROXY: poor jade :(

KANAYA: Yes Poor Jade!

KANAYA: Poor Me!!

KANAYA: Poor ROSE!!!

KANAYA: POOR EVERYONE!!!!

KANAYA: FUCK DIRK!!!!!

KANAYA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

KANAYA: He Has To Be Stopped...

KANAYA: He Has To Be Stopped...

[zettaiunmeis]

HI THANKS TO @raventrigonsdaughter LETTING ME KNOW THAT OG GAME CARMEN AND JULIA USED TO BE PARTNERS BEFORE CARMEN WENT ROGUE, LET ME PROPOSE: VILE!JULIA.

details under the cut because this got Long

jules is part of the either the same class the ~infamous~ black sheep

and they don’t? really like each other? like julia is still kinda Serious and she doesnt really appreciate the vile squad goofing around and tossing water balloons or whatever and black sheep finds julia a little too uptight even if she’s interested in a lot of the same things (history, etc.)

black sheep’s speciality is Being SLick, as we know, but julia’s is patterns (and also historical artifacts)

ok but the important part of this is that bc julia’s is patterns, she ends up being like a scout or smth along those lines bc she can analyse patterns and report back to help plan the caper

and that basically means that when she graduates, she ends up in far more long cons than any of the others

anyway, after black sheep gets in trouble for the water balloon thing, the faculty decide she’s far too mischievous, and so, they assign her a partner — julia

(side note: its kind of the same thing that ends up happening to jean-luc and antonio a bit later on, but thats more because they work well together, and less bc either one of them needed a grounding influence)

anyway black sheep and jules again. do not like each other. but that doesnt mean they dont work well together — julia’s got an eye for patterns, and black sheep has every thieving trick in the book ready and waiting up her sleeves (alongside an instinct for thievery)

slowly, as they are forced to work together more and more, they kind of reach a less tense partnership and then one day black sheep makes a history joke and thats how they become friends

like julia is still very pointedly Not friends with the rest of the vile squad bc they’re still very reckless and immature, etc

but shes sort of seen black sheep when she’s been more grounded and less hyper/feral and she?? kind of doesnt mind??

bc grounded black sheep isnt constantly trying to prove that she’s The Best and grounded black sheep isnt trying to prove that she’s more than just the teacher’s pet — she’s kind of just having fun with julia and julia’s been so serious about her training that she hasnt really made any other friends and…. its nice

its nice to have black sheep loudly slip into the seat next to her and and tease julia about whatever recent historical discovery she’s researching and pull her out of her own head once in a while

and its nice to have black sheep glance over in the middle of class when sheena — sorry tigress — whines about something or the other and roll her eyes in the same way julia feels like doing, even if something strange sticks in her throat when carmen does the same with gray

she can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but at some point, she starts thinking of black sheep as her friend and it’s an exciting enough thought that she’s got a little smile on her face next time black sheep slips into the seat next to her in professor maelstrom’s class

and at some point julia stops being just julia to black sheep, and starts being jules because we’re in a school for thieves, but we’ve already got plenty of ~jules~ right here and thats sincerely the worst joke i’ve ever heard and oh really ~jules~? bet i could find an even worse one

and like all the usual stuff is still happening in the background — shadowsan-black sheep rivalry, gray and the Squad being black sheep’s friends, the phone and player, etc.

its just that now, black sheep has a bit of a calming influence and that does help!

and they work well enough that most people assume that julia and black sheep will be partners after graduation 

even crackle acknowledges it — despite the jealousy he feels at the knowledge

so things continue and all this happens, but then comes finals.

things go the same. black sheep gets perfect scores in all of her exams, except stealth 101

julia — now the historian — can’t help but check for whether black sheep graduated too and just as she does, she hears crackle say it: she didn’t pass

and she wants to go to black sheep and ask if she’s okay because everyone knows how much black sheep’s wanted this, how much she’s been working for it, but by the time gray’s been dragged off by tigress, black sheep has disappeared and julia has no idea where she’s gone

so she waits for a bit in the cafeteria and in the dorms and anywhere else she thinks that black sheep would be and she sees… nothing

and about twelve hours after the results, the faculty pulls her for her first mission (for context, this is before the whole,,, hear the true name of vile thing) which is basically being a plant for the morocco mission, by pretending to be an archaeology phd student from oxford who’s come to study the findings in the excavation

and she’s busy enough with that that she barely gets to think about black sheep or graduation or anything other than the near-overwhelming anxiety that comes with the horrifying ordeal of potentially being Known but she just manages to figure out like,,, guard rotations, as well as the exact objects that are at the site for the vile squad to steal

and then she’s out before they even get there — julia’s pattern recognition and historical knowledge made her pretty useful when it comes to planning capers so it meant that she’s always travelling around the world ahead of each caper, but would also make her a pretty invaluable asset to vile, so they can’t afford to get her caught

julia doesnt hear about black sheep nearly messing up morocco until much later, and even then, she doesn’t have all the info

all she can do is wonder why the hell the faculty would fail someone who somehow managed to sneak out of vile island without anyone realising until much later

and yes, maybe a part of her misses her old partner, but she knows that it wouldn’t matter anyway — she was the mole, and she’d barely get to work directly with carmen so.

but then cut to a year later, when a vile counterfeit operation in boston is suddenly sabotaged

cut to the moment when, julia, despite not having seen her in a year, is still able to somehow recognise black sheep’s work

its Slick. its the Slickness that tips her off, and part of her is reluctant to tell the faculty who it is, but her allegiance demands it and she tells the faculty and she hates herself for it when she sees the murderous rage on each of their faces

and somehow, that — her ability to recognise this carmen sandiego — gets her in a new position, as a mole in interpol, passing on the information they get as they try to track the scarlet super thief as well

and then one day, in poitiers, julia sees her

its black sheep. it’s undeniably black sheep under that red trench coat and julia wants to go and talk to her capture her and bring her in to vile but her new partner ~chase devineaux~ is everything that once made her turn away from her interest in law enforcement and he orders her to call for backup while he tries to stroke his own ego

she does, of course, but maybe she delays it a bit, if only because she’d rather let carmen sandiego get away than have devineaux’s ego get any bigger

and the rest of the season goes much the same except after julia ends up in acme, she reports to vile about everything that’s going on, and they no longer suspect devineaux of helping carmen etc etc

and she can’t help but somewhat sympathise with what carmen’s doing — she’s returning invaluable historical artefacts and julia’s always loved history and- it’s just… altruistic. and that’s admirable. and that’s the only reason i feel so torn about helping vile. that’s it, that’s the only reason.

and then comes the chasing paper caper

what was originally the first real conversation between julia and carmen goes completely differently

(note that most vile operative outside of jules’ graduating class do not know of her existence bc she barely interacts with most of them since she’s more a spy/mole who’s out of the picture by the time anyone else gets on the scene)

carmen still needs to be able to spy on paper star without anyone noticing, so she still goes for the seat right in front of the cute short-haired girl sitting alo- and oh my god jules?

and its the first time julia has heard that nickname in over a year and oh God they were just friends this should Not hit this hard what the Heck

and carmen still sits down and just quietly grills her as to what the hell is going on bc she Knows that jules is a always a mole and never an active part of a caper and she doesn’t?? understand??

and jules is kind of in a daze, but she’s been Trained so she feeds carmen her cover story:

she defected from vile when she saw how they were treating historical artefacts — melting down gold, selling priceless works of art to the highest bidder, etc. etc. — and that since then she’s been silently helping interpol with taking down vile ops, etc.

and it takes a bit but carmen kind of starts to believe it — she knows julia loves history with all her heart, and she’s… well, she’s never been the kind of recruit that carmen’s expected to see in vile anyway, so. it’s not out of the realm of possibility, is it, for julia to be a defector working against vile? after all, isn’t she the same?

so she starts looking around, while waiting for paper star to make a move, and she ends up noticing the briefcase in the seat next to her, and for some reason, those initials — clearly chase devineaux — make her want to scowl

“new partner?” “oh… its… well, work. work... partner” “oh.”

uhhh anyway i might actually. write this? idk don’t count on anything lmaooo.

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part six (aka me losing my mind over the final problem)

Hi, I am once again reminding you all that I've formed a parasocial relationship with the crackhead detective 👍 This made me overly emotional for the fact that he didnt even die

But like

hhhmmmmmmmm those were certainly an interesting 14 pages

Yeah, I already made a post about how the final problem relates to yuumori's final problem and how incredibly sexy it is but yes now I'd just like to relay to you how absolutely heart brocken i am over this lol I will eventually get to reading the post hiatus stories i just. I haven't emotionally recovered from this yet

Yelling below the cut somehow this reaction feels longer than the story itself. but it's about half cracking jokes and half sobbing so be prepared

I mean, starting off strong with "well yknow since i got married my and sherlock's Very Intimate Relations had to be modified and all but we hadnt seen each other in a while so it was kind of jarring to see him crawling in my second story bedroom window clutching Wounds and closing the shutters absolutely fucking wasted losing his mind over some dude named moriarty"

We've been over this but. Oh my god why are they gay

I just like????? Imagine how fucking bizzare that would be to just see your old homie crawl into your window bleeding on your floor and asking to exit the other way in case he's followed like "hey bro can we Talk i hope you're not busy" WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO, SAY HE IS? Imagine watson just like "no dude I'm fucking busy go get killed"

But legitimately. That's certainly something. And like, I see a lot of books starting like this lmao but. Holmes's stuff usually starts off kind of easily with watson going "yeah so lately ive been Experiencing Sherlock Holmes" and spend 20 minutes on exposition with them having a Conversation but no. mans just fucking escaped a hitman and went directly to his boyfriend's house having apparently Never Before In His Goddamn Life mentioned his actual nemesis to this guy. How the FUCK has watson never heard of him before.

And how sherlock starts talking about it isn't any less funny he's just like "UHHH SO THERE'S THIS GUY. THIS ABSOLUTE MAN. AND HES REALLY IMPRESSIVE I MEAN HES LIKE SUPER FUCKING SMART AND HES LIKE DOING CRIMES????? SO I LIKE. I NOTICED AS I DO BUT HE NOTICED THAT I NOTICED AND I MIGHT HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY DUDE CAN YOU HELP ME LIKE. FLEE THE COUNTRY" and watson's like my dear sherlock What The Fuck

Im also loving how he calls moriarty a "mathematical celebrity" awhi;grih;oaewhhta;ioh;iaewh;ii;oewh;eh;rg mans just. ok lol hes a Math Celebrity that had to quit his math teacher job because EVERYONE JUST KNEW HE WAS A CRIME LORD LIKE THEY TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIM AND WENT MANS DEFINITELY HAS BODIES IN HIS BASEMENT I DONT WANT HIM TEACHING HERE

But yeah, it was interesting to see what the big deal about og moriarty was... especially since the deal simply did not deliver. There was not really a big deal. It's like reading the first chapter of a book and immediately skipping to the climax. Everything is so hyped up and clearly having been building for years and you just get like NO CONTEXT. I swear Moriarty wasn't goddamn mentioned any time before this. He's just suddenly the big guy and watson has just never fucking heard shit about this guy.

What's so funny about this whole situation is that I just. Cannot objectively know anything about Moriarty at all because sherlock just... does not go into what this dude's alleged crimes even were, other than. The fact that he like. Does them. He's just really involved in crimes. How? Why? For how long? In what way? For what purpose? NO FUCKING CLUE HE JUST. HE JUST DOES. And there's nothing to really suggest that Moriarty was honestly a really evil guy. They're all like trust me he was just. he was just really bad but show absolutely No examples of being such. The most evil thing we saw Moriarty do personally was call sherlock stupid for letting him get into the apartment. And even then he immediately followed it up with complimenting him lol

yeah, my impression of Moriarty was like. I expected him to be worse, honestly. I expected him to be like a cartoon villain because he was kind of made out to be one and then he's just honestly a really polite and refined guy?? Mans strolls the fuck into 221B like hi shawty and it is Not like yuumori obviously man's holding a gun but like. What the fuck they are just. They have never met before but They Clearly Have and it's. its so weird

Like honestly I don't dislike og moriarty. He's really what william tried to be (and fucking failed, but beside the point) but like. Dude's so powerful and for what. He just walks into the apartment with No Pretense like why sherlock holmes is that a revolver or are you just happy to see me oh my goodness you are a dolt why would you hold the gun that way. disgusting. disgraceful. dreadful. Oh my god. I love him I'm sorry

abngnahhghifeah;iewh and Why does sherlock describe him like that hes like "MANS A REALLY REFINED LIZARD /pos" HIEHIFEHW:HGIHOEWFEEW FOR WHAT. FOR W H A T

baaaaaaaaghhhhhh but likeeeee they went STRAIGHT to "you know what I'm here for" "you know how I'm going to respond" "well then" "yeah" "mhm" "damn well it really do be like that sometimes" "ur really smart by the way" "im fucking aware let's kill each other as we both Thought in our Minds" "yes lets" AHDHDHDHDFS WTF THIS IS INSANE

But damn uh. mutual destruction my beloved this is very different from sherliam but im not. im not. opposed to it tucks hair behind ear

I just. Holy shit they really went "if you destroy me I will ensure that we both go down hand in unlovable hand" "I wouldn't mind that"

Annnnd I just noticed that the actual lines for this part kind of. that kind of happened in chapter 31 when sherlock was like i would Gladly die to take down the lord of crime and william was like. hahahah yeahNO NO NO NO

BUT SERIOUSLY THO IM LOSING MY MIND OVER HOW SHERLOCK SAYS THIS WHOLE THING TO WATSON AND HES LIKE DAMN SHAWTY HES LIKE THE REASON FOR HALF THE CRIME IN THIS CITY BUT HES SO NICE THO??? LIKE I EXPECTED HIM TO BE TOUGH AND EVERTHING NO HES JUST SOME POLITE PROPER UNDERSTANDABLE MAN WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIABOLICAL shawty is having a Crisis

And then watson is like wowww that was cool you wanna spend the night and sherlock is like "UNFORTUNATELY BESTIE I AM BEING FUCKING TRACKED DOWN ID LIKE YOU TO NOT DIE WITH ME"

This bit gave me a Moment Moment because oh my god. Then watson is like "no shut up i'm coming with you i don't care" and i just had to Take A Minute because THEY SWITCHED PLACES AAH SHERLOCK IS TRYING TO KEEP WATSON SAFE NOW AND WATSON IS NOW MORE RECKLESS BC OF HIM AND. AHHHH

Completely random but. How sherlock still refers to 221B as "our rooms" to watson even though watson hasn't lived their in years........ shawty i am emotional.........

SO THEY GODDAMN FLEE THE COUNTRY TOGETHER BC WATSON SAYS THEY HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AND SHERLOCK HAS A MOMENT WHERE HE'S LIKE YEAH NEVERMIND PLEASE GO HOME WATSON AND WATSON IS JUST LIKE. NO. AND HSERLOCK IS LIKE. DAMN OK I HAVE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE

But. Ok as funny as this is. They have this fucking Conversation on the train to switzerland where sherlock is like "I have not lived in vain" and watson is like "YOURE NOT DYING" and hes like "i have not lived in vain. like i said. this will not be a bad way to die" UHHHHHH DAMN SHAWTY

hhhhhh and it just Gets. it. it. it Gets. These fuckers get to switzerland and they stay in a hotel and then leave for reichenbach but watson gets this goddamn letter telling him that hes needed at the hotel to basically save this lady's life. And he doesn't. Like. he doesn't even want to go he's like FUCK IT SHE CAN DIE IM NOT LEAVING YOU but sherlock convinces him to go fULLY KNOWING THE LETTER WAS FUCKING FAKED BY MORIARTY JUST AS A PLOY TO GET HIM ALONE

AND THEN HE JUST. WENT ANYWAY AND WATSON HAD TO WATCH HIM JUST LIKE GODDAMN WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET LIKE "LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I WOULD SEE HIM BUT IT JUST. IT HAD THAT VIBE YKNOW"

God I just. Wow sherlock really did that huh. He really went and did that. And I went over it in the post about this compared to yuumori but it just RUINED me how watson just. Never saw what happened and there's just so little information about it that all they have is these assumptions and pieces that just suggest that these guys met up, walked up to the goddamn waterfall having a nice civil conversation about how talented and smart they both were at this and how they revealed their methods to each other and complimented them because of course they did

And they just sat up there talking to each other so long and Moriarty legit waited politely or even possibly was the one that suggested he write a letter to watson in which sherlock just went "damn lol moriarty's pretty nice actually anyway uhhhh sorry watson ily ✌" and just like. left it up there in his damn cigarette box

But just like. damn the insinuation that moriarty just sat there and watched while he wrote that entire goddamn letter, sealed it up, and then got up and went alright buddy let's go but it makes no goddamn sense if they wanted to actually kill each other and assure they themselves would survive I could name like 23 different ways they could have managed it so easily and they Didn't. they were really set on mutual destruction huh. There's no way they were even trying to do anything but Die Together at that point and that's Something huh

It absolutely baffles me how they could say that these guys had plummetted like, holding each other tho. Like. ok lol but How Do You Even Know

It was certainly a ride. But the fact that Watson had to actively try to think like Sherlock to figure out what happened in the scene was just. The cherry on top. Especially after they'd consciously started to switch roles in this i just. Damn.

In conclusion uhhhhhhhh gay people real I suppose

[neatotothethirddegree]

OJ LORE. God this is hard to writeeeee

tw- homelessness, starvation, shit like that

To put it the most blunt way i possibly can, OJ was homeless before the start of ii. He lived out of a van in the middle of the city. He was with some not-great-but-we-need-each-other people. He had a job, but the money earned- it wasnt enough. Just. It fuckint sucked. I feel like this kinda explains a lot of his behaviors? His want of an alliance but him not trusting his members very heavily. Him getting extremely scared and angry when others even show SIGNS of betrayal and dropping them on a dime. His general defensiveness. Him being kind of a control freak which carries over into season 3. Him being quite impatient thinking he deserves this cause. He honestly DOES deserve this? He Needs this. Like this kinda matters to him. Even his quietness at the beginning can slightly be explained. He was in a city b4 coming here, where strangers were dicks about the he looked and smelled, so hes gonna be a bit wary. It was all so scary. Who knows how long hes had to live not knowing whats gonna happened every day. It also kinda explains why he made the hotel a thing in the first place? He thought, “Idk the lives of these people here. nor do i WANT to know, but If theres even one person who has a similar life to me, i dont want them going home hungry again.” The only exceptions were the dicks. ofc they cant come. They were dicks

How he directly joined though? He was with a ‘friend’ and they were searching for odd jobs on their phones, and OJ came across and ad that seemed legit enough? All you had to do was put an email in. The worst thing that could happen is a data leak, but OJ didnt have much to protect anyways. It was also a half joke? kinda. Deep down, OJ really wanted this. He needed this. This wasnt his ‘last chance’ but it was an important one. but he joked saying this was just a free lottery. Free lotteries are harder to win than expensive ones. Later down the line. he checked his email and found he was accepted. This is the most blunt and least nuanced version. but i dont wanna go on forever.

UHHH. If anythint in this is offensive im totally able to rewrite or completely leave it be/delete this. i was in bad poverty but never homelessness. (atleast not long term) so. I hope i didn’t say anything harmful. If i did please let me know /g -🦶

OOOH YOOOOOO THIS MAKES A LOTTA SENSE ACTUALLY,,, Foot why are you literally so smart what the fuck

Im glad OJ won he deserved it I think

[satorinni]

𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

synopsis: you were his everything; sun, moon, stars and all. he treated you so much like royalty that you expected nothing less. but it seems you took him for granted.

pairing: sakusa kiyoomi x fem!reader

warnings: angst, mostly angst, some fluff, readers kinda toxic ngl SUPER UNEDITED DONT YELL AT ME

a/n: uhhh idek if this counts as a fucking fic tbh, but it was inspired by a hc (that wasn’t even angst) that i saw, also i listened to grow old with you by adam sandler on repeat soooo yeah enjoy happy birfday to my future self cs this is queued<3

shit. you were late, again. it was your own fault, you knew that much. you went to bed late and didn’t bother setting an alarm. whatever, you were already late, why bother rushing? surely your professor would understand? 

this was your fault. no, not waking up late & not setting an alarm, (though that was still all you). no, the whole reason you never, ever bothered to wake up early enough to cook yourself breakfast: because you knew there would always be a fresh plate of eggs & bacon on the counter for you. the reason you never set an alarm or fixed your sleeping schedule: you knew someone would be there to wake you up & ensure you went to bed at a decent time. losing that, see, that was your fault.

to most, sakusa kiyoomi was a pretentious neat freak who disregarded everyone else’s comfort in preference of his own. to most, he was an outrageously good volleyball star who didn’t take interviews because his personal life was his personal life. to most, he was, well, kind of a dick. but alas, that was to most. you? you were not part of that majority. no, kiyoomi made sure to remind you of that every single time you saw him. whether it be through washing the dishes because he just knew you were stressed from school (without you ever having to say it). texting you good morning & good night every time he was away for a game (because yeah, he missed you just as much as you missed him). or even through the way he would cradle your face in his hands to kiss at your eyes whenever he finally came home (you cried every time, but he was always there to kiss your tears away). 

maybe you should’ve gone to his games more, cheer him on like the rest of his fans. though he never considered you a “fan”, merely his inspiration. maybe you should’ve dropped out of school to become his doting housewife. sakusa would never ask that of you, but sometimes the thought would creep into the back of your mind when school was too rough. maybe you should’ve traveled with him,  part of you thought the distance is what made it end, but that was your brain making excuses because deep down you knew distance would never be the reason.

 ~~~

“don’t you miss me when you’re gone?” you knew the answer, but moments like this were rare, so you held onto them when you got the chance. your eyes were still closed, but you knew his were open by the flutter of his eyelashes against yours.

“i miss you every single minute that i can’t see your smile.” as if on cue, a soft smile builds on your face. he could probably feel your heartbeat with how close he was. your fingers grazed the curls at the nape of his neck and you shiver, as if the goosebumps you left in your wake were contagious. 

“what do you miss about me?” humor me, you thought, because he was leaving tomorrow and you needed something to savor for the next few weeks. he hums softly, large hands stroking small circles against your cheek. 

“i miss going to dinner an hour early to avoid the swarm of paparazzi trying to snap pictures of my girl.” you giggle at this. the paps were actually always trying to snap pics of him, because of his tendency to never leave hotel rooms, photos of him were always so rare. 

“i miss fighting over the remote because you always wanna watch those nature documentaries.” he constantly complained about how boring they were, but always let you have the remote anyway. you try shifting closer to him, as if your foreheads and every part of you body wasn’t already pressed against his. 

“i miss the nights i get to spend putting you to bed when you drink too much with your friends.” you open your eyes at this. he’s looking directly into yours. 

“i thought you hated that?” mornings after are always filled with his complaints of how you reeked of alcohol and sweat. you always told him he didn’t have to clean up after you, but he would just roll his eyes and change the subject.

at this, he smiles and kisses you softly. suddenly, you forget what you’re even talking about until he pulls away. 

“mostly, i just miss you, princess.” at first, the nickname started as a joke. when you first started dating, his friends thought you were a mooch. always having sakusa clean the house, get the groceries, remind you of your dentist appointments, treat you like a princess. despite this, whenever you tried to protest that you were an independent woman or that you could do things yourself, he would laugh and kiss away your complaints.

“i would travel across the seas everyday for 20 years if it meant i could see you smile and hear you laugh.” a grin spreads across your face. “even if it means i have to deal with your morning breath.” your eyes widen in embarrassment. you cover your face with your hands and whine. 

“yoomi!” he laughs, but pries your hands away and kisses you again. you smile into the kiss, reveling in the feeling of being his girl.

“i love you.” he whispers against your lips. you kiss him harder, not bothering to say it back because you both know you’d walk to the ends of the earth for him. 

~~~

after a while, you became dependent on him. on the occasions he was home, he did everything for you. and even when he wasn’t, he would still call everyday to make sure you feed the cat and call your mother. little things. maybe after 4 years you started getting selfish. 

“princess, it’ll just be for two days?” he was trying to reason with you, but you didn’t see the point. nothing he said would’ve made you change your mind. 

“yoomi, i don’t want you to go!” looking back, maybe you were being a bit insufferable. after all, it was nationals, there would be olympic recruiters there. kiyoomi had a shot at being in the olympics.  but still, it was your anniversary. “we were supposed to go to paris remember? the city of love? don’t you love m-” he cuts you off before you finish.

“of course i love you. don’t ever doubt that i do. but i can’t let my team down. i can’t let japan down. i have to go, princess.” you turn away from him, fingers running across your forehead in rapid annoyance. school had been extra stressful, but you were graduating this year. this was the only break you had, and you had really been hoping to spend it in paris with the love of your life.

“why don’t you come with me?” it was quiet, but something about the suggestion made you furious. you had never gone to his away games before. not because you didn’t want to, but because sakusa preferred to keep your relationship private. he liked it better when you watched him through the tv screen. 

“i don’t want to. i want to go to paris. i want to celebrate our anniversary and come back home so i can finish my finals. so i can graduate and i can travel with you as much as you want.” maybe that was the breaking point. maybe he finally realized how much of a brat you were being, regardless of how much you loved him and he loved you.

~~~

in attempt to stop the words ringing in your head, you open your eyes and sit up. you were already two hours late, what was the point in going to school at all? didn’t matter if you graduated anyway, you didn’t have anywhere to go, no one to be with. your professor would understand.

you sob quietly into your hands. It was no use, you could still hear him. 

“i can’t do this anymore, y/n.” you wanted to scream. youcanyoucanyoucan. you should’ve. but you knew you couldn’t. he was going to be in the olympics. he had his whole life ahead of him, and who were you? just his selfish girl. his girl who couldn’t even bother to go to his game that day on your anniversary. the game where he scored the winning spike and pointed directly to the cameras. the game where he screamed through tears, this one’s for you, princess. 

the game you didn’t watch. 

this was your fault. you knew it was. there was no point in being angry with him. he loved you. you knew that. but after he left you couldn’t help but wonder, did i really love him? or did i love everything he did for me?

three months. it took three months to realize that, yes, i love him with every fiber of my being. It took three whole months to realize that you tore out your own heart and his when you let him walk out. because after three months you realized he would’ve stayed the second you asked him to. but you didn’t. and that was your fault.

© satorinni 2020 // do not copy or repost //

[katslitg]

how the open heart lis would react to you being pregnant. (obvs jackie’s pregnant in her scenario.)

Jackie Varma:

god she’d be pissed!!!!!!

“what do you mean positive??? check the other ten tests!!!!”

“jack, all of them say posi-“ “shut up!!!”

she’d be mad, mostly at herself for not being careful enough

pregnancy on top of money problems is rough

good thing you two already live together

wouldnt acknowledge it until she started showing

“dr varma, ure pregnant???” “yeah, just ignore it.”

shed ignore you at the beginning, not knowing what to do

“jackie, c’mon, you cant keep ignoring me! it takes to two to tango!” “i can and i will,”

when you finally force her to come shopping for baby clothes, supplies, furniture etc, she loves it

“omg look how adorable! can you believe our baby’s feet are this small!”

she’d become insecure further into the pregnancy

“what if im not going to be a good mom, hm?”

“don’t say that, jack, you’ll be a great mom,”

you two would move into the your room, since it had a better view and change her room into a nursery

the boys would help you put everything together.

“bryce, that’s not where its supposed to be- ykw forget it.”

“jesus, dr ramsey do you even know how to-“ bryce would shut up just seeing ethan give him a glare

“see i knew raf would come around to save the day” she’d flirt with him, making him blush

cutest mood swings ever!!!

“all im saying is he’s a fucking jerk and i- ohhh sienna are those donuts?”

jackie would get stressed at the weirdest moments, and you kiss her and cuddle with her to calm her down

“mc, you know i hate kids, why did this have to happen to us!!!!”

she’d slowly come to terms with the fact that she was going to become a parent

god giving birth would scare this woman, and trust me not a lot of things scare her

“mc, what if-“ “jack, breath, everything will be fine!”

when you two found out you’d have a daughter she smiled

“at least i wont have to deal with a little mc” she’d joke

when she got in labour she’d curse at everyone!!!

“AND YOU! YOU MC ARE THE WORST ONE HERE! GETTING ME PREGNANT AND THAN MAKING ME DO THE HARD PART I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!”

“uhhh....”

after a couple of years, the three of you would move into a bigger apartment, still close to the hospital

god, your daughter absolutely lovessssssssss aunt sienna and uncle elijah!!!! these two dorks would hang around with her all the time

“dad, can i stay at aunt sienna’s after school?”

“she’s working today sweetheart but mommy will be there to pick you up”

you two would have some sweet, annoying nicknames for her

love, sweetheart, sugar, honey etc

Bryce Lahela:

he’d be excited and scared

he would freeze when he found the positive pregnancy test in his trashcan

“i wanted to tell you but seems like you already found out,”

he’d shut you out and be less loud at work

“bryce, please talk to me” “uhh, cant have a long shift today”

but one day you’d show up to his apartment, keiki opened the door

“oh hey keiki, is bryce home?” “yeah come in”

youd try to get him to talk but man he was not feeling it

“i just need some space mc,”

wouldnt even take a week for him to come over and apologize to you

“im just not sure if i’d make a good dad, i mean i had two bad examples growing up, what if i-“

youd cut him off with a kiss

“no need to stress, bryce, im certain you will make a great dad!”

you two would have to look for a bigger place, and also someone to fill your spot at the apartment

sienna, elijah and jackie would help you decorate the nursery

“jackie those colours do not match with the blankets i bought” sienna would say while jackie just rolled her eyes

“well maybe you shouldn’ve bought so! many! blankets!” jackie said while holding up multiple blankets

“guys please its mc and bryce’s child we can’t fight over this” elijah was the only one who would think rationally

when you found out you were having a son bryce almost jumped into the air

“a little bryce,,,,” he’d say with heart eyes, making you roll your eyes

when you went into labour, he’d be the one freaking out

“can’t believe im saying this when im the one in labour, but good god bryce calm down!”

uncle raf!!!!! aunt kyra!!!!!

rafael and kyra would absolutely adore your son!!!! theyd fight over whose turn it was to babysit

“kyra, you had him last weekend!” “but mc said he always talks about how fun aunt kyra is!”

“why dont you two take him to the park together? he loves both aunt kyra and uncle rafael equally” bryce would say, making the two adults reluctantly agree

“finally a moment alone with the woman of my dreams” he said the second they left, making you chuckle

keiki would hang out with your son. occasionally.

“aunt keiki can you read me a bedtime story?” “right. im aunt keiki.”

she’d love it secretly

Rafael Averio: (pretending sora doesnt exist here lol)

this man would beam with joy!!!

he had always dreamt of having a big family of his own

“youre pregnant?” “yeah.... i-“ he’d kiss you before you could even say anything else

would brag to everyone about it

“do you guys know im goin-“ “going to be a dad? yes raf you told us like a million times” his paramedic friends would say

it was even funnier when you saw how some people avoided him because of it

would not leave ur side

“jesus ever heard of personal space?” “oops sorry”

he’d be at ur apartment all the time

“raf, not that we don’t enjoy you being here but don’t you idk have other friends?” jackie would try to get him out of the house

sienna’d be fine with it since he would help her cook n bake stuff

“i didnt know you cooked!” “not really just some stuff i picked up from my grandma”

he’d sleep over at your apartment

when you got insecure he’d talk to you and make u forgot about it in a certain way ;)

“what if im not a good mom? or what if your fanily doesn’t approve of me?? oh good god this is not going how i imagined-“ “relax, you know my family loves you, now get over here”

you’d move in with him, and get someone to fill ur spot in the apartment

the two of you going to the senior center together!!!

“now edith you better not get to comfortable” you’d joke, earning a laugh from rafael

kyra and bryce would come over and help with the nursery, of course it was after the boys’ gym day so bryce dragged ethan with them

“hey gu- oh hey dr ramsey!” you’d say with a bright smile when you opened the front door.

“kyra not that i dont love you but what even is this?” “yeah i tried to make a blanket but as you can see it backfired”

“uhm ethan you sure that this is the color we picked out?” bryce would panic, knowing damn well they didnt do the one you asked them to do right

“well good thing aunt kyra did got the good color” she’d go get it from the car while the two men started at her in confussion

when you found out you were having a girl he got super excited

“a little mc running around the house” he’d say, already coming up with names

when you’d go into labour he’d put up a calm gentle persona while in reality he wanted to screammmmm

uncle bryce n aunt jackie!!!

u cant tell me bryce n raf havent become close friends

“hey dad can uncle bryce and aunt jackie stay for dinner?” “sweetie youre ignoring the rest of our guests”

even tho they would admit it bryce and jackie loved babysitting her

“do you want to come with uncle bryce?” “bryce thats enough its MY day!”

his family would come around often, bringing gifts every single time

his grandma would try to get him to propose, earning glares from him

when your daughter heard juliana say something along the lines of “when is the wedding” she’d get super excited!!!

“are you two really getting married??!!”

Ethan Ramsey:

you two would already be in an awkward position bc of the gwyneth thing

what was worse was that he admitted to not wanting to get married and have children

god, that little fight on the way to leland and at house took a toll on you, so when june came to check on you back in the hospital you told her

“so, youre pregnant?” “yeah” you’d sob

she wouldnt force you to tell her who the dad is, but it was obvious

before the fight you’d always come to the diagnostics team’s meetings with a smile on your face but now it was a neutral face or sometimes even a frown

soooo ethan found out. not directly from you, but from june, resulting in another fight

“you told june but not me?” “you dont even want kids i cant just casually bring it up!”

the awkwardness would be there for a while, im talking 2-3 months

“enough already! you two talk this out! not only is this bad enough for the two of you but also for me and baz! think about us! and our patients!” june’d snap one day

you’d talk it out, still awkward around each other

“jesus, ethan we can’t keep doing this, i have an appointment to check on the little one, you want to join?” you would try to keep the awkwardness at a certain level, he’d nod with a smile on his face

so when he found out he was having a son, he’d be happy, still very scared but very happy

“im sorry, mc. i acted as a jerk and didnt listen to your needs. i want to be in your and our baby’s lives.”

he’d ask you to move in with him, which you reluctantly agreed to, i mean there wasnt even enough space for a nursery in your apartment

sienna would invite herself and elijah over to help you with the nursery , since they knew about you two since that time after the hearing

“thank you, trinh,” ethan would say as he accepted the cookies she had baked

“i helped too. just so you know” elijah chimed in, earning a chuckle from you

god labour was the worst, you had to do an emergency c section since it was a bit too early for the baby to be born

so when they send your son off to the nicu, ethan would be there the whole time, very worried

“dr ramsey, you should go we’ll take care of him” the nurses would try to get him out of there with no luck, “no its fine i just want to stay here”

when you two could finally go home he would make sure to never youre side

“mc do you need anything? want me to bring you something to drink? maybe an extra blanke-“ “ethan shut uppppppppppppppppp its 3 am”

of course your friends would come over but not as often since they had to take care of their interns and stuff

uncle baz and aunt june!!!!!

“AUNT JUNE!!!!” he’d yell when you, june and baz picked him up from the daycare at the hospital

“wow so youre just ignoring uncle baz?” baz would act hurt, making the boy laugh

[theofficeimagines]

guilty pleasure

Pairing: Ryan Howard/fem reader

  Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, reader and ryan dont really like each other lmao, strong language, mentions of pee but this isnt a piss kink fic i promise

  Word count: 2344

  a/n: this happened in a dream and i dont know how to deal w it so i wrote it out and then i found your blog so im sending it to you anonymously ksdhfkdsjfgh ive never read or written the office fanfiction before i dont know why my brain did this

-

  Kelly was invited to a frat party by a friend and naturally begged Ryan to come with. He didn’t seem keen on it, bored as usual with any plans Kelly tried to make to draw him back into a committed relationship, until you walked in on Kelly tugging at Ryan’s arm in the kitchen and she shifted her attention to inquire you. Ryan eyed you silently throughout the exchange. You told her that sure, you’d be there, and smiled. Ryan turned and watched as you left and you heard him suddenly exclaim “Ow!” as Kelly punched him.

  “Why don’t you leave her alone, you know she doesn’t like you.” Kelly grumbled.

  “Yeah, whatever, Kelly, I’ll come to your stupid party.” He replied, clearly not hearing what she’d actually said.

  You knew Ryan had a thing for you. He stares without restraint and always makes suggestive comments whenever he catches you when Kelly isn’t trailing his heels. The first time he tried flirting with you was in the presence of Pam, whom you’d immediately hit it off with. You looked at her, eyebrows raised, when he left, and she rolled her eyes.

  “Don’t worry about him, he does this to every new girl in the office that hasn’t broken thirty yet.” She said, giving you a warm smile.

  Sure, he was kind of cute, but maybe if he wasn’t so god damn pretentious you’d at least try and properly befriend him. But tormenting him with his own lust while keeping him at an arm’s length away was more fun. You didn’t like the way he treated Kelly and you wished she’d wisen up and drop him, but she seemed too far gone in her idolization to be reasoned with. So you didn’t exactly feel bad flirting back and then leaving him high and dry whenever he got particularly irritating. Someone had to have some control over his sexual impulses.

  But you’d never been to a non-office party with him before and couldn’t wait to see what he’d do to try and get your attention.

  You didn’t expect much in the way of formality from a frat party, so you showed up simply in your favorite jeans and the first clean casual shirt you spotted. You were never a makeup person and didn’t intend on starting now.

  By the time you got there, you really had to pee. You cursed yourself for drinking so much highly caffeinated name-brand soda throughout the day and not bothering to use the bathroom before leaving the house.

  You weren’t surprised to walk in and immediately find Ryan chatting up some random girls about how he was the youngest VP in Dunder Mifflin history and now how he’s some pseudo deep artist because “it didn’t really suit me.” He pretended he didn’t notice you come in and cleared his throat, suddenly overtaken by “um, uh.” He quickly recovered and continued his yapping, scooting closer to one of the girls to brush her hair out of her face and over her ear.

  Unimpressed, you sauntered over and placed your hand on his shoulder. “The real reason he isn’t VP anymore is because he got fired and arrested for committing fraud.” You said to the girls with a smile, kissed his cheek, and walked away to find the bathroom.

  Ryan stared at you, mouth agape. You heard the girls laughing despite the loud music and one of them said, “Wait, you got arrested?” incredulously.

  You were maybe ten steps away when Ryan finally snapped back to reality and shouted, “Hey!”

  You ignored him, shouldering past some sweaty, already drunk frat boys to get further into the house, toward where you assumed a bathroom might be.

  He followed and hollered, “Hey, (Y/N), what the fuck!”

  You finally stopped and turned on your heel as you heard your name. He seemed surprised and paused, causing you to cross your arms and look at him expectantly.

  “Why’d you do that? I was totally gonna lay one of those girls tonight!” He said in that classic Ryan Howard exasperated whine.

  Raising your brows, you scoffed and sounded a sarcastic, “Uh-huh.” before beginning to turn away again.

  “Hey,” he started and you sighed and turned back, “- I know you’re too stuck up and too deep into the feminist movement to sleep with me, but at least you could let me get on with other girls!”

  You laughed. “Ryan, your shit doesn’t work on me. I know you only came because I did and you were only talking to those girls to make me jealous.”

  “Fine, whatever, I give up.” He responded by throwing up his hands.

  “Really? That easy? After all this time?”

  “Yeah, if you’re playing hard to get, you’re playing too hard to get because I’m tired of this.” He seemed genuine for the first time in his entire life and you felt a small pang of disappointment in your chest. You enjoyed messing with him, and who knows, maybe one day you’d finally give him what he wanted.

  “Alright, hun, good luck with that.” Your tone was sarcastic as you patted the side of his arm. He glared at you and you turned away to continue on your quest for a bathroom. Any bathroom.

  The house was much larger than it looked. Or at least it seemed that way with so many people swarming in it, moving freely from room to room, the only rooms with closed doors barely contained the moans of frisky college kids. You hadn’t dared open any of them, not wishing to see something you might regret. You were about to give up and leave when you found Kelly.

  “Hey Kelly, where’s the bathroom?” You grabbed her arm to get her attention.

  “Whaaaaaa? I can’t hear you man!” She slurred. She was drunk. “The music’s sooooo loud!” She doubled over giggling.

  “The bathroom. Where is it?” You said louder.

  “Oh it’s ummm…. It’s uhhh…. This is a frat house, man! Just go whenever you want!” Kelly danced as she gave you her unhelpful advice.

  You sighed heavily, your bladder not enjoying the movement from being jostled about by wasted party-goers. You continued your way through the house when you spotted Ryan again. He was chatting up the girl whose hair he’d been playing with earlier. Something inside you snapped, you actually became jealous despite yourself, and you marched over.

  Grabbing Ryan hard by the arm, you pulled him away roughly as he hollered at you what your problem was.

  “Take me to the bathroom.” You demanded.

  When he saw the look in your eye, realization dawned on his face and he said, “Look, (Y/N), if this is another one of your games -”

  Despite your better judgement, you grabbed his face and kissed him ferociously. “Take me to the bathroom.” You commanded once again.

  This time he simply nodded and lead you by the hand through the crowded building.

  Upon finding an empty restroom, you whispered to yourself, “Thank God,” and began to enter when you realized Ryan was following closely behind you. You quickly turned and pushed him out, saying, “Wait, I actually have to pee.” and shut the door in his face.

  Having finally drained your bladder and washed your hands, you swung open the door to find Ryan still standing directly outside it. You grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into the room, slamming the door shut and locking it and placing another hard kiss on his lips. He kissed back, almost angrily; your teeth gnashing one another’s. You didn’t know what had gotten into you, you didn’t know why you wanted this so suddenly, but you wanted it now and you wanted it bad. And you could tell he did too.

  Pulling away for air, Ryan gasped, “So we’re really doing this, huh?”

  “Shut up.” You snapped, untucking his shirt because of course it was tucked in, and grabbing him by the back of the head to pull him in once again. He made you so fucking angry, he was so annoying and manipulative - maybe you just needed to get this frustration out of your system by taking it out with none other than Ryan’s own body. You tugged at his hair, nails digging lightly into his scalp, as his hands ran up your shirt, setting your skin on fire.

  His mouth moved to your jaw and he backed you up towards the counter. “Feisty, huh?” He mumbled against your skin, his breath making you shiver.

  “God, you are so annoying.” You gasped as he moved to kiss down your neck, biting hard at your flesh.

  “I wouldn’t have to be so annoying if you weren’t such a bitch.” He said into your ear.

  You growled, grabbing his face to kiss him again, this time biting down on his bottom lip and sucking on it, eliciting a groan from deep in his throat and he smacked and squeezed your ass. You felt wild, feral - you hated it when men called you a bitch. But when Ryan did it, it made you wanna fuck him harder.

  He grabbed your thighs and pulled away just enough to say, “Jump,” across your lips. You obliged and he helped you unto the counter; whatever was on it before you clattering to the floor and into the adjacent sink. He tugged your shirt over your head and you began to unbutton his. His mouth and teeth back on your neck and jaw, his hands roughly grabbing at the bare skin of your torso, you fumbled feverishly with his stupid button-up. You caved and tore open the shirt, the buttons popping surprisingly easily from their stitches.

  “Hey -” Ryan began to protest, but you quickly cut him off.

  “Don’t call me a bitch.”

  He shrugged off the shirt and you took the chance to get rid of your bra. Ryan hissed at the sight of your breasts and didn’t hesitate to grab them. Heat pooled in your belly and you ran your nails down his chest, his abs, his hips…. And you began to pull apart his belt. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of your breasts as you impatiently tugged at his jeans.

  “Jesus, just fuck me already, Ryan!” You whined, and he finally got the hint to push down his jeans and pull off yours as you braced against the counter to lift your butt. He pulled down your painties along with your jeans and you shimmied your feet out of them, Ryan wasting no time to take off his boxers.

  He took his hardened length into his hand and began pumping it in his fist, grabbing your chin to kiss you roughly. You spread your legs, scooting toward the edge of the counter to encourage him to finally start fucking you. He rubbed the head of his dick up and down your slit, spreading your wetness.

  “You ready for this?” Ryan questioned.

  “Fuck me.” You answered simply.

  Ryan didn’t need anymore convincing. He grabbed your hips and thrust hard inside you and you let out a loud whimper. He didn’t bother allowing you to adjust to his size, instead setting a brutal pace that turned you on even more. You hooked your arms under his shoulders and dug your nails into his skin, pulling down his back and back up again and buried your face into his shoulder. He moaned, grabbing your throat and pushing you back, forcing you to watch as he fucked you senseless. He watched as your breasts bounced with his movement and used his other hand to rub your clit.

  You were a fucking mess, moaning and whining as he pulled you back forward and trapped your body against his so he could rut into you harder, his fingers hard on your clit.

  “Oh fuck!” You cried, nails digging back into his shoulders. The fact that you knew you shouldn’t be doing this, the way he was grabbing you and biting you and kissing you, the rough and painful way he handled you, the fact that you were in a stranger’s house, only turned you on even more. You ground your hips desperately against his and wrapped your legs around his waist and he moaned, his fingers bruising your sides.

  Ryan grabbed your face with one hand, forcing you to look at him, and he groaned, “You gonna cum for me, baby?”

  You whimpered. “I’m not your baby.” You responded indignantly.

  He grabbed your thigh with his other hand, pulled it further up his torso and hooked it over his elbow, spreading you wider and pounding you harder. You cried out, clenching around him, that heat in your belly feeling insatiable.

  His fingers came back down on your clit and you held onto his shoulders for dear life.

  “God, you feel so fucking good.” He moaned.

  The two of you were slick with sweat, the room filled with animalistic noises and the sound of your skin smacking together. The coil in your belly felt just about ready to snap, all you were capable of was repeating varients of, “Oh God, oh fuck, oh shit,” and releasing the most wanton moans and whines. You could feel Ryan was close too, his breathing ragged and his thrusts becoming more erratic.

  It wasn’t until Ryan buried his hand into your hair and pulled, hard, that your orgasm shook your body and you screamed. Warmth spread all throughout your body as you came, and you clutched and clawed at Ryan for support. You heard him grumble something like, “So fucking hot,” as he rode out your high.

  Soon enough, he buried himself deep inside you and came, biting into neck and sucking hard, sure to leave a nice bruise. He pulled back and grabbed your face to kiss you, softer this time.

  The two of you stayed pressed against each other for a few moments, trying to catch your breath, before Ryan pulled out of you and you released your iron-clad grip on him.

  “Did we just hatefuck?” Ryan asked.

  “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” You breathed.

[hakurines]

"Its not gay if he's also you"

Owo (from spookyscaryslasers)

The King dragged his past self through the sewers, taking a tight hold on his arm and constantly looking behind them.

  “Did we lose them?” The pre entity self said, looking worriedly over his shoulder. His encounter with those two women left him… shaken, to say at the least. Thankfully another one of his selves was there to save him, who now currently was guiding him through the dark stinky sewers not so nicely.

  “Come on now! We are almost there!” The king insisted, never ceasing his iron grip on the poor man’s arm. “W-wait up! you’re hurting meeee” The pre entity Herman said, trying to catch up to the other him, one that was touched by the entity. He couldn’t help but still feel afraid, yes, he saved him but… he looked like a monster, the way all that gold covered his face didn’t make him look fancy or elegant, it made him terrifying, was he really going to become like him? Abruptly, the king stopped, making the other bump his head and nose against his back. Rubbing his nose, and slight tears on his eyes, he simply followed the other up a ladder, possibly leading to the surface. The King helped him to his feet, only to realise they were sill at some endless white void, filled with nothing, nothing but the whole leading to those strange sewers and the two Hermans.

“Where are we?” Asked Herman, tidying up his coat and glasses, he came out remarkably clean for being in a sewer. “Don’t worry, follow me, I know a place” the other Herman said as he walked with purpose towards something the other couldn’t seem to see. As they walked, pieces of something started to form, making Herman clean his glasses to make sure he was looking at things right. “Hah, you are really new, aren’t you? You’ve never explored the white void I bet, i mean, that’s why you are reacting like this, correct?” The herman simply swallowed and nodded, feeling nervous.

  “Don’t ask me how any of this works, alright? I don’t know, and honestly? I don’t care.” The pieces came together forming some sort of house, a big one, and rather fancy. The king pulled out from his vest a key, and opened the main door, holding open the door for his more human self. 

  “Welcome” The king simply stated, as he removed his cape and jacket and hanged it on a perch, the other Herman followed, taking off his lab coat. The house was… Nice, really nice, very modern looking, tho a bit too fancy for his likes, it was obvious the king himself adorned this place, filling it with antiques and gold rimmed objects that definitely didn’t need to be. The King guided him to the living room, where with a strong electric shock, the king lit up the chimney, giving everything around it a cozy warm glow. “Come on now, take a seat! I don’t have servants yet but i’m working on it. Meanwhile let me bring you something to drink.” With that, the king left, leaving Herman confused and very lost. Why did the king bring him here? Was this his home? Why was he being so nice to him?? Soon, the king came back, holding a silver tray with two fancy china cups, both steaming with what smelled like coffee. “Don’t get used to this, out of the two, I am the king…. But, you’ve had a rough day, so, i’ll give you a break.” accepting the cup, Herman took a careful sip, only to find out the coffee was absolutely delicious, the king must have notices, because he laughed. “You like it I see! Good, you are a man of taste then, this blend is supposedly brought straight from Mexico! Oh of course, here everything seems to be some sort of… copy, but I can assure you, these taste exactly like the real thing!” Herman simply smiled, and enjoyed the drink as he looked over the flames. Well, as scary as he looked, his other self wasn’t so bad it seemed.

  “Listen Herman,” the king said suddenly, breaking the peaceful silence they had “There is… something, creating us, experimenting on us, using us.” The king looked serious for a moment, looking directly to the other herman, seeing how his glasses reflected the flames in front of them, “That’s why we need to help each other, this thing is obsessed with us, they already have one of us in captivity….” Herman simply listened, surprised by what the king was saying, putting down his finished coffee cup to pay better attention. “We cannot let that happen again, who knows what they want? And judging by those two women i saved you from… It seems they particularly like you. You need to be careful.” A sudden blush came to Herman´s face, fogging up his glasses, those two were rather aggressive on their… interest on himself, and he felt so unbelievably embarrassed by it. Cleaning his throat, he addressed the king trying to appear unfaces “Y-yes I- Uh, I mean, thank you, Herman, I’m glad you were there to help me. I’m still very confused by all of this, but i’m glad to know we can help each other…” With a smile The other Herman waved his hand “Ha, dont worry about it, and hey, i’d rather be called King, that way it will be easier for us to refer to each other, eh? I’m the King, you are Herman. Easy.” 

  “Now then, tomorrow we should see how we shall go on from here, but now? We should rest. Here, follow me.” With that, the King stood up and walked toward the main hall’s stairs, Herman close behind. “Wait! What if they find us here? Don’t misunderstand me, this place is lovely but… It looks so easy to break in to! Shouldn’t we block the doors and windows?” “Oh no, don’t you worry,  my house may not look like a fortress, but trust me, i’ve already got security measures around here, the fanciest, priciest and most useful of all, after all, I don’t waste time with cheap useless things!” The king looked way too proud of himself by saying this, “My home wouldn’t look pretty with guards, cameras and obviously locked doors, wouldn’t it? Trust me, this place is rigged with alarms and other useful measures in case of a break in, if something happens, we will know.” Herman didn’t feel exactly calmer knowing this, but he had no time to argue as they entered one of the many rooms in the house.

  The room was beautiful, a gorgeous king sized bed was in the middle, adorned with pillows and blankets that looked oh so soft and inviting, herman couldn’t help but approach it and rub his face over it, enjoying greatly their silky texture. On the other end of the room, the king opened another door, one that seemed to take you to a walk in closet and a bathroom. He took two items from it, and closed the door. “In here is my closet and bathroom. I made this place only thinking I would live in it with some servants, so, a room dignified of another Herman is not available right now, so, in the meantime, this will be our room. Here, you can wear this.” The king handed Herman a folded piece of fabric, wich, upon unfolding, revealed to be a long silk robe, adorned with an intricate pattern of flowers leaves and swirls. With it, an equally fancy pair tighty whities fell to the floor. A bit escandaliced, Herman yelled “Y-You expect m-mE TO WEAR THESE?” Unimpressed, the king stepped behind his dressing screen, allowing the other to see only his silhouette as hge undressed himself. “What, where you planning on sleeping on those filthy close of yours, right? Besides, we will be sharing a bed, and i don’t want you accidentally brushing against me with those sandpapers” The king stepped out of the screen, wearing a similar robe. Herman was still holding the robe, undies on the floor, red faced from the situation. “Well? What are you waiting for? You may use the screen or change in the bathroom, just hurry up so we can turn off the lights.” Swallowing hard, Herman complied, walking into the bathroom to have more privacy, the screen had allowed him to see a lot more than he hoped, adding to his embarrassment. 

  He usually prefered a tshirt and some long pants for pajamas, and these were simply a bit too revealing to him, another blush came to his face as he undressed and allowed the undies and silk robe to slide in his body. Dang, they felt nice, he couldn’t help but hug himself, enjoying their softness, but a call from the king snapped hi out of it, and as he tightly wrapped the robes around him, he stepped out, and went to the unused side of the bed. “Ah, good, we are the same size I see, i’m glad to know my good looks prevail even when you aren’t as rich as me.” If it was possible, Herman´s blush became even deeper, not used to such comments. The bed was even better than he expected it, the soft sheets, the soft yet firm mattress, and the pillows where so soft and fluffy, he couldn’t help to let out a happy sigh of relief upon laying on them. With a click, the king turned off the lights, and with that Herman took off his glasses, leaving them on the side table. 

  Each one rolled on his side’s, giving eachother their backs, both wanting some space in the bed. It didn’t take long for herman to notice that, even with the bed’s softness and comfiness, it was missing something, he remembered there were blankets when he first saw the bed, where where they now? feeling around with his feet, he had to dive into the covers to realize they were all neatly folded at the very end of the huge bed. The king must have folded them while he was changing… And he didn’t even seem bothered by coldness of the room, so he tried to generate his own body heat, rubbing his feet against the sheets and his hands over his arms as quietly as possible. But of course, the King noticed.

  “Why are you wiggling around so much?!” The room was dark so he couldn’t see him, but he could tell he was annoyed. “S-sorry! It’s just that uhhh, you took all the blankets, and im kinda cold…” he looked where the king was supposed to be, and felt how he turned around to face him, and only his eyes, his red and golden eyes where visible through the darkness, having a glow of their own. They stared at each other for a second before the king interrupted “Oh! hahaha, silly me, i’m so sorry, I totally forgot, you haven’t been touched by the entity… You don’t have mechanical insides that generate heat like me… This might be a problem…” Surprised by that, Herman simply made a questioning sound, “You see, the bed gets unbearably warm when they are over me, so if we pull them over again, i might not be able to sleep from the heat… Hmmm” Both thought for a second, and Herman was the first one to talk. “Oh, well, maybe i should take some blankets and sleep on the couch? You left the chimney lit so-” “What?” the King interrupted, “No, no version of mine will be sleeping on a couch like a commoner… I have a better idea, come here.” Herman seated up, worried, “What? what do you mean come here? besides, it is no trouble i can just-” but the king fed up with him, simply dragged himself over his side, coaxing herman to lay down and get under coves again, after what seemed like a short fight, since herman wasn’t sure what his other self was trying to do, he ended up laying his head on the kings chest, with his arms wrapped around him. “See? Problem solved, I produce enough body heat for the both of us. come on now, you are me and im you, you should not be prude with yourself.” He simply stated, and closed his eyes to sleep again.

  Meanwhile, Herman could not believe this, cuddling with his other self for heat? It was kinda humiliating and kinda inappropriate and kinda… nice. He was so worm, and he could hear the motor of his insides working as his ear was flush against his chest. He wasn’t sure if he could hear more than one motor of if he was hearing his uneven heartbeat too, but he had to admit, it was so soothing and relaxing. And honestly? he hated to admit it but, he felt so safe in the arms of his other, he couldn’t help but sadly smile and hug back. Was this super weird? Yes, and who knows, maybe he was the prude of his selves but right now, he was definitely enjoying himself. With a sigh, both quickly fell asleep, enjoying eachothers company. 

-----   -please---please could you forgive me? :”V -  (( omg i lof this fic AAAHHHH 

[thotsforvillainrights]

~Perfect Birthday~

Au: Kaishi

Part: twelve

Theme: Fluff? Comedy? Who knows lol

(These 2 are going on an adventure)

"Buttercream? No that wont do. Vanilla with a touch of banana or Strawberry? Shoot! What about...hmmm...." You focused on the ingredients so hard that you were developing a light headache. Meanwhile, your husband sat across from you at the kitchen table, scrolling through his laptop for themes and present ideas. "Y/N, just settle on chocolate and call it a day." Kai announced while his eyes hovered on a Circus theme. He shuddered lightly at the thought of animals being involved. 'Absolutely not' he thought to himself. You sighed and put the ingredients list down. "I cant settle on Chocolate. I'm worried that someone might have an allergy to it. I'm also so worried about the vegan adults that might be here. What about the picky eaters too? Kai, I feel like I'm going insane right now." You gripped the sides of the chair you sat on. He peeked up at you and notices your incoming distress. He sighed and stood up to move behind you. He softly gripped each of your shoulders and began to give you an impromptu massage. "Stop worrying so much about it so much, Angel. Just do chocolate cake since its the brat's favorite flavor. We can go with a vegan cupcake option that should be safe for the people with chocolate allergies as well. As for the others, there will be other food and even beverage options. You're working so hard for people I dont even care about. This is all for my son and no one else but him. His happiness is my only concern."

You sighed and reached up to place a hand on your husband before turning to smile sweetly at him. "Kai, you're being sweet today." You teased him and he scoffed. "Anyway, I know you only want to focus on Kaishi but having other kids here for the first time, other than Ishida, is like his dream come true. It took me a lot of time to get on the parents good sides. It took a lot of time for them to want to bring other kids around Kaishi because if the yakuza affiliations. Had it not been for the fact that you've began working into charity for the city, I dont think anyone would've given us a chance. Bow we have parent friends, and now Kaishi has a chance for an amazing birthday this year. Let's not mess this up, okay? That means NO EXCESSIVE GERMAPHOBIA, and NO ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR okay?" You drilled it home at the end. He sighed in annoyance. "Ugh fine. I'll try to conversate with the other scum as if they never insulted the yakuza before. You had better be lucky I appreciate you and Kaishi at this point or this wouldn't be happening." Kai complained before pulling his medical mask down and kissing you lightly on your lips. "You two are being icky again. I'm going to tell Grandpa on you guys." Kaishi's voice brought you two back to reality. "Oh hush, and mind your business." Kai said as he ruffled his son's short hair playfully. Kaishi giggled and swatted the gloved hand away. He took a seat at the kitchen table next to Kai's laptop and peeked over to see what was on the screen. While you went to fix him some oatmeal, his father bolted to the seat and slapped the laptop closed. "No peeking. Havent you any manners?" Kai fussed lightly while Kaishi smiled. "Its okay daddy, I already know you two are planning my birthday for tomorrow." The boy said proudly. "That may be so, but it doesnt mean we cant at least surprise you with the decorations and food." Kai explained. You placed breakfast in front of Kaishi and sat down with your boys. Pops had just entered the kitchen at this point. "Family breakfast? Dont mind if I do." He smiled and took a seat next to you. "Grandpa, what will you give me for my birthday?" Kaishi asked excitedly. Kai flicked his cheek. "Dont be rude brat, respect your elders." He scolded him as Pops laughed. "Oh calm down, Chisaki my boy. My grandson is very calm at this age compared to how you used to act." Pops said with a smirk as you laughed and Kai blushed lightly with embarrassment. "Anyway, my Grandchild your gift will have to remain a surprise until tomorrow." Pops winked and Kaishi groaned. "Aw man. Well, mom/dad? What will you get me?" He turned to look at you in anticipation. You put a finger to your chin to think for a second. Then you snapped and made an 'Ah-Ha' expression. "I'm going to get you a fancy suit! Maybe I'll get some toys too. Just maybe, you'll have to wait and see." You teased him and he smiled. "Daddy, what about you?" He looked at Kai for an answer. "Just like Pops said, it will be a surprise. However, I'll take the time now to ask you what you want as a gift from all of us. It'll serve separately from the gifts we'll get you so dont worry." Kai watched his son expectantly as Kaishi searched his little mind. Seconds later he piped up excitedly:

"SMOOGLY!!!" He shouted happily and raised his arms dramatically in the air. You and Pops laughed while Kai tilted his head in confusion. "Smoo-what? Are you well? Are you speaking in tongues???" Kaishi giggled at his father's confusion. You turned towards Kai to explain. "Kai, Smoogly is a character from Kaishi's favorite show. He's this giant lollipop that dances and sings. Yknow, kids love that stuff." Kai stared at you for a second before nodding. Then he turned his attention back to Kaishi eating breakfast finally. "Alright then, you want Smoogly then that's what you'll get." After breakfast, Kaishi went to call Ishida on the phone. You monitored in awe, gushing as your baby talked to his little crush over the phone. The two were fast friends, and she was the first/only child in the class to accept and support Kaishi to the fullest degree. Meanwhile, Pops went to the backyard to water the flowers and feed the Koi in the pond. Kai headed out to the car to call Kurono/pick him up. "Chrono, I know I've given you the off day but I need a favor." Kai spoke on the car wireless phone while he drove. "Yeah man, what's up?" Hari answered from the other side. He was currently face deep in a 3rd bag of chips as he reclined on his sofa. "The brat's birthday is tomorrow and it's his first big one with other parents and children expected to be there. He wants some actor there to perform or something. Some thing called Smogie or Smothly or something like that."

"OHHHHH!!!! You're talking about Smoogly!" Hari shouted excitedly, his voice boomed over the car speakers. "Yeah whatever that mess is. Anyway, help me track him down and I'll give you tomorrow off to repay you from today. You can also have some leftover cake." Kai offered him. "Bet!" Kurono answered shortly before hanging up and getting ready. In moments Kai was at his door to retrieve him. The two men drove around for a bit while Kurono did some searching online. Lucky for him, it wasn't that hard to find Smoogly's booking information. "Found it, Kai. It says here that we can email and make a down payment, or call the home offices for a response in about...14 days." Kai almost slammed on the breaks. "14 days??? No that's not possible for a booking that could be denied. My Kaishi's birthday is tomorrow. We need to get this Smoogly there as soon as possible." He felt a bit of panic set in. Kai would never forgive himself if he couldn't get his son's biggest wish for his birthday. "Hey man chill. We'll just go to his office and speak to him directly. I mean, we've got a little pull when it comes to money. Also, we're yakuza so..."

"I know what you're thinking Chrono, and the answer is no. We cant push too many buttons or we'll end up leaving the gray area in which we operate in. I cant afford to get arrested on Kaishi's birthday." Hari rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Whatever man. Just take a left onto the main freeway and we should reach the exit in like 30 minutes. After that, we just follow the main road for 4 more minutes, take a right at the stop light, and turn off the Broadway drive. Smoogly's office should be right between a steak restaurant and a car dealership." Hari explained the directions. Kai nodded and the two were on their way. Once they made it to the offices, they took a number and sat in the waiting room. The wait wasnt uncomfortable to Kai...it was the old man across from them that kept coughing that made him uncomfortable. He felt hives pop up on his arms. Luckily the two were called before he went insane! Only minutes later they were standing before a chubby man smoking a cigarette behind a desk. He had dark hair, and was balding right in the middle of his head. His skin was just a step away from being super pale (no doubt because he had the costume on a lot) His noticable feature was the large mole on his cheek. He was clearly a foreigner from some city somewhere, thanks to his accent.

(!!!Reader, think about Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!!)

"Alright, what can I do for you two men? Wait a minute, you two are the tax guys right?"

"Uhhh, no. No we're here to inquire about an opening to hire you? The pay will of course be-"

"Yeah yeah yeah. Pay doubled blah blah. I've heard this a million times before. I get bastards like you that come in here every single day asking to pay extra just so I can come to your event. The moms are even worse since they also think they're entitled to my services." The chubby man interrupted Kai. "Please. It's my son's birthday. You see, this birthday is special because he's never had-"

"Pshhh...yeah buster, you're kid is special. Just like everyone else that's come in here before you to say the same thing. Bottom line is that I ain't doing it. If you want my services than file through email or take it up with the front desk. Deposits non-refundable if you get denied. Have a nice day." He put out the cigarette and picked up a rather inappropriate nude magazine. Kai looked at Chrono and sighed as if to say Hari can take over. Hari smiled darkly and went to approach the desk. The chubby man hadn't looked up from the magazine as he spoke. "Look man, I said piss off. What, you didnt get the picture the first time or-" he immediately froze and turned his attention to Hari when he heard the click of the gun. When he turned, he was staring down the glock.

Hari spoke up darkly. "Hey buddy, I'm a changed man but that doesn't mean shit is sweet. I've killed a dozen people before and I'm not afraid to go to prison. Either you do my nephews birthday party tomorrow, or we wear your face on a memorial T-Shirt. Fuck is it gonna be? Eh???" The man gulped and shakily reached his finger out to the voice machine on his desk. "Deborah cancel all my appointments tomorrow, I've got a birthday to go do." Hari and Kai smiled when they heard the voice reply 'Right away, sir.' They bid the man goodbye and left the office. The next day, Kaishi rushed to the backyard after taking a quick shower and getting ready. It was decorated beautifully with bounce houses, a splash area, party games, an extensive food/present table, swings, slides, etc. Most importantly, the parents actually showed up with their kids. Kaishi almost cried tears of happiness when he finally had friends to play with. Meanwhile, you and Pops chatted with the other parents until Smoogly arrived to perform. The kids absolutely loved every bit! Every once in a while, the Lollipop turned to look at Kurono standing in the corner, smirking menacingly and daring him to slip up just once. Smoogly quickly turned around and kept performing. At the end of his shift, he was paid extra just as Kai promised, and Kaishi got to take a picture with him. Finally it came time for presents. Kaishi was happy to receive so many gifts, but he was more eager to get his gifts from you, Kai, and Pops (even Hari got him a secret gift at the last minute). Kaishi smiled at the wooden box Pops had given him. When he opened it, it revealed a small pin on a soft cushion. It was shiny and brand new. It was the symbol of the Hassaikai, the infamous flower design. "My grandson, when your father was younger I had given him this very same gift. Please be sure to take good care of it." He gently placed a hand on Kaishi's head. The boy nodded excitedly and passed the box for you to hold while he opened up the remaining gifts. It was a surprise jacket from you to him. It was just a smaller version of Kai's jacket! Plus that suit you promised, and a few other Smoogly themed toys as well. From Hari, he recieved a new helmet for his new bike. Finally from Kai he received a matching mask. With the suit and the jacket, he was the matching embodiment of his very on father (aside from inheriting some of your skin tone depending on your color, my dear reader).

This was truly the perfect birthday.

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

TIp Jar: https://cash.app/$YuTakeyama

[fotiathymos]

do you have trans hcs for any other characters in promare? :0

I do! under cut cause im a TALKER whoops.

uhhh trigger warning that i do talk a bit about transphobia and unsupportive family.

I realize in my last post I didn’t mention it but Gueira and Meis aren’t cis! 

Gueira was born intersex and doesn’t agree to calling himself cis or trans. He is proud to be intersex. (do know this is a fictional character and not all real life people who are intersex agree or disagree with calling themselves cis or trans.)

Gueira uses he/him pronouns but doesn’t strictly dress masculine. Really just a comfy clothes wearer. 

Meis is trans genderfluid. Mostly uses they/them pronouns and has girl days or boy days sometimes where they can be more okay with she/her or he/him. Just leans into a mix usually. Actually doesn’t like being called Gueira’s boyfriend and rather ‘partner’. Gueira says it like a cowboy usually to make Meis giggle.

I do enjoy Ignis being an trans elder. (He is like 55 in my mind not 40 as i think canon states?) Ignis knew Galo was trans upon entering the job but of course did not out Galo to everyone. Galo isn’t secretive about being trans though. When Galo finds out Ignis is trans he cries happy tears and hugs him, making Ignis just a lil uncomfortable but not rejecting the hug.. hes got a reputation Galo.

I always had it in my head that Galo joined Burning Rescue and challenged all their thoughts on gender and etc. Considering they all grew up in a strict propaganda filled city some of them mightve just heard of terms but not thought about it too hard for..reasons. But then Galo comes into the work place being the ‘queer kid’ and wouldn’t take any bullshit. He grew up mostly by themself, discovered things on his own and does still feel that outward pressure to conform (esp with Kray, Galo is the most ‘passing as cis’ as he can be around Kray most times). So I thought mostly about everyone in BR were cis, not all of them straight but cis...bbuuutttt

Galo makes everyone question their thoughts on gender cause Galo is so open about his own and loves helping others. Galo does ‘mask’ themself sometimes and at first joining didn’t go full blown open. But one day Lucia needs a tampon and Galo had one in his bag and Lucia is like ‘um what?’ Galo goes casual and just ‘oh yeah.. i don’t need them anymore but its become habit to carry it around yaknow and you never know when it could come in handy!’

Lucia is the first to question if its okay to be non-binary lesbian, like maybe shes not entirely strictly ‘girl’. She’s loud and proud about being gay, lesbian flag above her desk, talks bout going to lesbian bars and wanting to just hold a girls hand. So she’s the first to feel okay enough to question herself gender wise.

Varys is that guy you might know in life who is just chill about everything. Galo comes out to Varys casually one day and Varys doesn’t linger on it at all. “Trans? Hell yeah! We still going out for bbq? Double hell yeah!” But he’s also a guy you never know whats going on in their head. He just remembers weirdly specific things you say sometimes and comes back at you with them later. Galo mentioned briefly that sunflowers remind him of his mother. Varys mails Galo sunflowers when Galo takes the day off on his mothers bday. Varys also randomly texts Galo ‘hey you know how youre trans, can i be like not always a man?’ 

Remi............................reMI UH. Remi is weird in my head. I feel hes that guy who just makes everything into a TMI or sex joke or just awkwardly flirts with everyone he becomes friendly with. Like just pushes the boundaries cause he thinks were friends now i can do this, without realizing hes over stepped them. That guy who thinks just cause your his friend now we can talk about sex casually. Hes quick to apologize when told off but still. I’m horrible I feel like Remi is that guy who’d consider him getting pegged by his girlfriend means he’s in with the lgbt crowd. He’s cis and comfortable with that and is confused by non-binary identities but won’t insult his coworkers and respect them. Eventually he’ll learn that just cause you are over 18 now, not everything in the world is related to sex. Idk if that made sense or if I threw him under the die-cis-scum buss too hard.

AND THEN THERE IS AINA.

Who... I adore. And even my head canons for her contrast and complement Galo like her story/character in the movie. So....shes trans.

We don’t get info about her family life but I’m assuming her sister raised her by herself and the parents weren’t in the picture. Aina came out to her sister right out of high school. Heris was starting college and working to provide for her and Aina. She flipped out on her and her words were ‘i dont care if youre a girl or a boy but those hormones can be pricey we dont have insurance you cant get surgery your too young, etc etc’ Unsupported in misreading the situation as an inconvenience to money and life and not the actuality of Aina just being herself and wanting to be honest about it. 

Aina gets ignored as her sisters career and life revolves around a sudden job with the Foundation. But Heris has money now. And is “supportive” in giving Aina money. Pays for her HRT, doctor visits, therapy, and then eventually training to be in Burning Rescue. And Heris is adamant that Aina never, EVER tells anyone she’s trans. Sweeps up any possible info about that under the rug. Doesn’t want to be looked at with a bad eye from Foresight. What Heris feels is a safety measure for her family is what Aina sees as shame. Kinda reflecting how Heris in the movie sees that shes doing ‘all this for you, Aina’ only for it to be cruel and harmful directly to Aina.

Aina doesn’t know what drew her to Galo. He’s cute and nice and friendly. Maybe it’s a crush? He understands me and no one ever did. He respects me for me. “Youre you Aina and theres nothing wrong with that.” (I forget the exact quote) The words play in her head for the longest time. She never came out to Burning Rescue for fear, cause Heris said not to, cause its ‘inconvenient’. And suddenly Galo is loud and proud about being trans??? Should she be too?? 

Eventually she confides in Galo. Probably after the Parnassus events. She realizes she doesn’t have a crush and was just not use to someone being nice to her and accepting her. She eventually tells the rest of Burning Rescue. Finds out Ignis knew all along due to paperwork but just once again, Captain isn’t gonna out his team member. 

And then finally during a late night movie sleepover. Galo’s like ‘you know we should hang the trans and non binary flag on the front of the station.’ Lucia goes ‘YEAH a big FUCK YOU to the Foundations normies!!!!’ Aina says ‘we should really run that past Captain first...’ Finally Ignis walks in, tilts down his sunglasses and says ‘I planned for this’ and unveils a flag that just says ‘fight the cis-tem’ and Galo and Lucia SCREAM. Only Galo knew Ignis was trans til that point..

I made a STORY damn.

I hope that wasn’t... too much... thank for reading.... ;u;/

[dementedgnomicwizard]

i preplanned those tunnel tweets + made a list of specifically what pictures i wanted and finished making the worms earlier this morning so like i wasnt Winging It at all but it sure felt like it! bc weve only ever gone to the tunnels as a group before, but today the only time i could go was in the 25 minutes before my evening class and no one else was free then so i was like whatever ill just go get my pictures and then to class and it’s fine. so i put my little sandwich baggie full of worms in my pocket and went over to the machinery building, which is where the tunnel entrance is, but the entrance is in the basement and there’s two ways to get into the basement both of which are almost always locked so i was like well i’ll just check and see if either of them are open. and it turned out the freight elevator was allowing trips to the basement so i got in and went down

the freight elevator spits you out in like this really cluttered and fucked-up looking storage basement basically which is where the tunnel entrance is and while the tunnel is dark the basement itself is usually lit by these shitty fluorescents HOWEVER! today when the elevator doors opened it was absolutely completely dark in the entire enormous basement. but at that point i was like i made it over here, i have my worms, i have my photo list, i have time before class, and what are the odds the elevator will be working again, ill just use my flashlight who cares. so i turned my flashlight on and started picking my way through to the tunnel entrance, except i stopped and made a detour to take pics in that little office room because i thought it would sorta look like the room where they found gertrude’s body and i could make a fun joke about it  ANYWAY as i’m coming out of the office room i notice that the stairway door directly across from me is open, which is weird because they’re Never open because they don’t want us to go down there. so i was like, shit, maintenance and/or security are down here and my only way out is the super obvious elevator so ill just wait them out so i like turned my flashlight off and crouched behind a bunch of shit

anyway i just sort of huddled in the dark for a while and soon enough it became clear that no one was actually coming so i took advantage of my proximity to the ground to scatter some worms and take that first worm pic where im pointing. and then i was like okay, might as well get the tunnel bit over with. so the area of the basement where the mouth of the tunnel is is closed off with this big metal fence and there’s like a wire-mesh on the front with a huge padlock only years and years of horrible college students have managed to sort of beat the bottom half of the gate a few inches outwards + compromise its integrity enough that its easy to pull far enough open for someone else to slip through. however my problems today were 1) like i said ive only ever gone with a group before, meaning i’d always had someone to hold the gate open for me, and i had never attempted to get through without assistance before let alone back out and 2) the gate is RIGHT next to the stairs that i mentioned earlier were open when they usually never are. so i stood there for a minute like... okay, say i DO try to get through myself, and i get stuck. OR, say that happens and THEN whoever was working down here comes back and im stuck so i get caught and in trouble.

and then i was like actually fuck it we ball so i like. sort of just got down fully on the ground (which was gross btw do not recommend) and like rolled and twisted and pushed myself around until i wiggled through. that was the moment when i sort of started to accept just how much tunnel dirt i was gonna be covered in by the end but it was so far past too late to back out so i headed into the tunnel entrance. it gets TRULY dark like really really soon after you walk in also like i thought the basement outside was dark because the lights were off but the tunnels are like....  DARK. anyway i stopped halfway down the entry tunnel to try and set up the like “worm door outline” thing from after MAG39 and like initially i had thought that i could figure out an okay way to at least temporarily get them on the wall bc theyre made of latex and super light but it was quickly apparent that that would not be the case so i found a patch of the floor that looked smooth enough to be a wall and set it up on there instead. so i’m like. squatting on the floor in this very dark and kind of gross tunnel, and i have my phone laying on the ground next to me flashlight-side-up so i can see as well as use both hands to dig cold little latex worms out of a sandwich baggie and arrange them in a pattern on the ground and the flashlight was lighting up the tunnel in the most fucked up way and it was dead silent and the WHOLE time i was like, and this is the moment when like a maintenance worker turns the corner and finds me and is just like, hello??? theres some clown playing with worms in the tunnel????

anyway that did not happen and instead i got my little doorway set up and then it was time to take the first pic (of the worm door by itself without me in it) which was when i realized that when i open my camera app my phone forcibly turns the flashlight off so every time i wanted to take a picture in the tunnels i was gonna have to turn my light off and just like chill alone in the pitch dark in a tiny tunnel for however long it took me to take each photo and i was like hm okay wig i guess so i took the door pic and then it took me like four tries to get myself positioned right for the cringe ass fail worms one because, surprisingly, it is difficult to position yourself directly in the center of an archway of worms that you cannot see, and while i was doing all those failed tries i got to spend a lot of time laying splayed out on my back in the dark on the tunnel floor anyway i got it finally so i just sort of kicked the worms to the sides and kept going in further. to get to the pit you have to turn left at the first fork and then take a right and then theres this weird like step? thing? in the middle of the tunnel and if youre me you have to do a super awkward crabwalk limbo step thing to get over it because the pipes on the ceiling above it are hot and the step comes up to like 6 inches below the pipe but also i dont like to touch the top of the step because its gross. so its always a production. this time i think they had worked on that pipe recently or something because it was leaking so the step was wet and the pipe dripped hot water onto my neck while i was crawling under it LMAO

anyway from there its a straight shot and it opens out into this like larger room near the entrance to the engine room and the pit is right at the edge of where the dirt of the tunnel turns into the concrete of the room floor. and theyve like half-covered the top of it in wooden planks but theyre not held down so when you have to step on them just for a second to get out of the tunnel its so nervewracking. theres overhead lights in that room though so that was nice idk if i couldve managed the flashlight-camera-transition in the dark AND one-handed. so i took my from-above tunnel pic and then i was like (checks my photos list) “well...... i did say id get two from inside the pit.” i had actually never been in the pit before because the other two times i’ve gone to the tunnels i’ve been with other people and they would barely even let me get near it let alone get on the ladder. so i was like well i guess there is a first time for everything so i put my phone in my back pocket and ducked under the little yellow chain they have up and started going down the ladder and i got like 8? maybe 10? feet down before i thought to look down again and let me just say..... all the times we had looked into that pit from above we had never guessed anywhere CLOSE to how deep it actually was. thats all. so i was like.... um i was expecting to be able to like, stand on solid ground while i take this pit selfie, but that was clearly not going to be an option, but also i had committed this far already to getting these pics from the pit so i was like ugh i guess and hooked my one arm over the ladder so i could get my phone out w the other hand and take the pics from in there. and then i climbed back out. the ladder rungs made my hands SO gross and dirty with rust i was like eugh eugh.

but after that the only picture left to take was the one w my pen and the only way for me to go was back out towards the entrance so i was like its fine im almost done. so i went back out until i got to the tunnel after the first fork and i was like cool here’s a good a place as any so i got my pen ready + went to get my camera out, and literally RIGHT as the flashlight went out and the camera app opened i was like SO sure i saw something move vaguely in the darkness to my right like REALLY close to me shoulder height so i was like uhhh no and took a flash photo more out of reflex than anything and i didnt see anything but also the flash lit up for like,  one second and then it was dark again so i like switched back to the flashlight really quick and obviously it was just a normal tunnel and i was the only one there so i opened the camera app again to try to take the pic again and literally just like the first time right as the flashlight turned off i was soooo sure something moved right next to me like so close but i was like “nell. youre being insane.” so i didnt do anything and i just took like three more possible variations on the pic i wanted and then i turned my flashlight back on and once again obviously nothing was amiss so i was like epic win and went back out the tunnel entrance. and then i was like............. oh god i have to do the gate squirm again. but there was no other way so i just did it really fast before i could really get worked up about it lol and then i went back over to the freight elevator only when i pressed the button it would light up and then immediately go dark when i unpressed it and i was like oh fuck because 90% of the time when you get in on the ground floor this elevator literally refuses to take you to the basement and i was like oh no it re-locked while i was down here and now i can’t get up this way so im just like in this basement for the foreseeable future but then of course as i was going down that tangent the elevator doors opened and i stepped into the fluorescent light and looked down and was like wow i am just so thoroughly, completely, orangely covered in dirt. but i made it home with like 5 minutes to wash up a bit before my evening class so that was a win! i did learn however that i should never take my evening dose of adderall directly after a bit of minor breaking&entering while the adrenaline is still there because when i got to class i almost jackhammered a hole through the floor with my shakyleg

[ditto]

wi rehab week 3 review: the Week™. i KNOW this post is long but god please read about my misfortune if yall want a Saga

current status on raccoons: clement

number of monster energy drinks consumed: 2

number of buns directly killed: 1

Days Since Last Diarrhead on: 1

Baby Raccoon Count: 150ish? probably 130 that need to be bottle fed 

new tasks performed:

baby opossum cage maintenance

baby waterfowl cage maintenance

SQ fluid administration on raccoons

SQ vaccine administration on raccoons

What To Do When Your Tire Goes Flat 101

oral medication administration on possums

CHRONOLOGICAL TALE OF MISFORTUNE: i’m not going to do this regularly but the sheer amount of bad shit that happened this week was COMICAL so let me break down everything that happened to me this work week

MONDAY 6/8

got diarrhead on during 6am raccoon feeding

straight up killed a baby rabbit during bun feeding. they stress real easily and i’m bad at tubing so i had him out for a while and he just fuckin. died. from stress. in my hands. directly because of me being bad at my job. so you know that was uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

shovelled out wet dirty woodchips out of a walk-in enclosure with like 8 goslings using a snowshovel w/ another baby intern. you can’t put a ton of woodchips into one trash bag so we had to keep changing out the trash bag and it was like 92 degrees out and we were both wearing cloth masks and on god i really thought we were gonna die in there

during the pm feeding i get peed on by the EXACT SAME RACCOON that diarrhead on me during the am feeding 

TUESDAY 6/9: the Day(tm)

i have a therapy appointment scheduled at 2pm. my shift is 6am-2pm. i’ll need to leave at 1:30pm to get to it. i tell my supervisors this. it’s chill. i still feel bad about it, because i have anxiety.

right off the bat, i get scolded by my Actual Boss for doing something i watched one of the supervising interns do 

6am raccoon feeding: get diarrhead on again. 

a rac RIPS the fucking nipple off of the baby bottle we’re feeding them with and formula gets fucking everywhere. i say out loud at this moment “IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK”. one of my supervising interns feels bad for me and keeps trying to cheer me up throughout the day. she does make me feel better.

i get dishes which is fine bc i dont mind dishes for real but my hands turn into sandpaper the day after doing dishes for 2 hours so this is more :| than :/. i make jokes about how bad my week is going. the mood is, generally, looking up.

next raccoon feeding is scheduled for noon. raccoons are housed in a separate building, so it’s about a 5 minute drive to get there from the main area. we get ready to leave around 1pm. recap: i need to leave at 1:30pm for a therapy appointment. i’m planning on driving my own car down there so i can do this. it’s chill.

on my way down there, i start hearing the most godawful screeching of metal. i am, quote, “like uhhh.” when i open the gate to turn onto the highway, i stick my head out the window to look

my tire is flat.

i have a flat tire.

my fucking tire is FLAT dude.

>mfw

>

>

pull over after gate

tell the staff member following me “hey i have a flat tire so im probably not going to make it down to feed today” and shes like flkdjsalfksd okay

call the ONE supervising intern whose number i have, who is the one who heard me say IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK, like GUESS WHICH BITCH HAS A FLAT TIRE LMFAOOOOOOO. just making that one call was the funniest fucking thing that’s ever happened in my entire life

to quote her verbatim: “i guess you are having a bad week”

call my dad, who as it turns out was actively teaching a class when i called, so i am well and truly facked and am DEFINITELY not making this therapy appointment

ok. take a deep breath. check my car. i have a donut in my car. i have not changed a tire in three years, and have never changed one in the scenario of I Have A Flat Tire. fack. relay this to the one supervising intern whos number i know (i’m going to call her supervising intern 1 going forward here). ask her if anyone knows how to change a tire. 

supervising intern 1 calls back. apparently there’s a guy who lives on the same property we’re on named donnie. donnie is a maintenance worker who helps out a lot around the rehab place. donnie can help me change my tire. apparently someone currently down feeding raccoons is going to come pick me up and bring me over there so i can continue to feed raccoons until donnie can fix my tire. 

get call from supervising intern 2, whose number i did not have, apparently it got relayed. i ask her if anyone down there can change a tire. she says she can change a tire. she will help me change my tire she finishes on raccoon feeding. ok sounds good. someone is still going to come pick me up.

get call back 10 minutes later. apparently donnie is in the middle of a field right now and it is unlikely that he can fix my tire. someone is still going to come get me to feed raccoons, maybe. i tell her supervising intern 2 can help me change my tire after we finish our shift. she says thats fine. ok cool sick.

try to call therapist. i have no signal. send email which is, verbatim: “Hey! I'm currently on the the side of of the the road in [TOWN 30 MILES AWAY] with a flat tire, so I'm not going to make our appointment today. If we could reschedule for sometime soon, that would be great.” signal is bad, so this ends up being sent at 3pm.

(ALSO I LEARNED ABOUT THIS TODAY BUT APPARENTLY IN THE TIMELINE THERE’S A FIGHT HERE BETWEEN SUPERVISING INTERNS 1 AND 2 OVER HOW THE SITUATION IS PLAYING OUT WHICH IS EQUAL PARTS HILARIOUS AND “MAKES ME FEEL BAD”)

one of the other baby interns comes to pick me up and bring me down to racs. i walk in like AYYYYYYY and start feeding raccoons.

i get diarrhead on again.

i get diarrhead on again again. 

apparently 3 in one day is a record.

my shift is supposed to end at 2pm. we usually end up staying until 2:15-2:30ish, because that’s usually when the other team gets down here. since supervising intern 2 is currently my savior, she is going to drive me back over when the other team gets here and she leaves. other baby interns leave at 2:15ish, i think. 

the other team is, apparently, running late. they get here at 3pm.

supervising intern 2 drives me back over at 3pm. we get to my car.

the donut is on.

the tire is in the trunk.

apparently donnie was, in fact, able to come change my tire. no one told me this. 

im like ok. this is fine. i tell supervising intern 2 thank u for my life. i leave.

my donut has a 50mph max speed limit. i tell google maps to avoid highways on my way home. this turns my 30 minute drive home into a 50 minute one, and still ends up with me being terrifyingly tailgated by trucks for going 10 miles under the speed limit. i almost, but do not, run out of gas on the way home.

i get home around 4:10pm. i call the auto shop across the street from me and tell them i have a flat tire, but i need the car by 6am tomorrow. do they think they can have it fixed by then. they tell me to bring it over and they’ll let me know.

i bring the car over. i give them my keys. i say thank you and leave.

i realize that my garage door opener is in my car, which is now locked. i have no other way into the house, because our garage door keypad has been broken for 2 years. the sliding glass door in the backyard is locked.

i walk back into the auto shop 5 minutes later and ask in the Polite But Obviously Having A Day tone if i can have my keys back so i can get it. i get my garage door opener out of my car. i give the keys back.

i enter my home. i lay spread-eagled on my bed for one hour.

auto place calls back and tells me they fixed the tire. im like did you replace it or did u fix it. theyre like we fixed it come on over. i almost cry on the phone.

go back over. guy is like “ya u ran over a screw LOL”. gives me my keys back. i wait to pay

after a bit hes like “you dont have to pay anything. this is on the house.”

almost cry

thank him

get car

go home

eat

shower

go to bed at 8pm 

WEDNESDAY (6/10)

everyone at work is immediately like AYYY and in general just very nice about the whole thing. i thank everyone involved for helping. its chill

dont get diarrhead on this feeding but i do get bit for like NO got dam reason what the fack

next up is cleaning juvenile cages and i swear to god i get the nastiest. fucking. raccoon cage i have ever seen in my entire life. there was an...i wanna say eigth-of-an-inch thick layer of raccoon diarrhea across this 2 foot x 4 foot cage

like on GOD the smell was so bad i was gagging through a goddamn cloth mask just. oh my god. i had to just go stand outside and stare into the abyss afterwards for a few minutes it was so NASTY IT WAS SO NASTY

mercifully, i am spared from further misfortune for the rest of the day. i come home. i am so tired.

WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THAT SUPERVISING INTERN 1 HAD SUCH BAD LUCK FEEDING RABBITS TODAY SO LIKE...my luck is contagious 

notes and observations

anyone who is anti-euthanasia in animal shelters and any other large-scale animal welfare places in general can absolutely suck my dick

most other baby animals will generally have various stages of “baby x”, but opossums look like Adults Except Tiny from a very early age. they have stolen my heart.

birds are poopy little creatures

[confused-bi-nerd]

Ok so it's like 2 in the morning but you know what I'm f*cking desperate for?

Modern day Anne with an E

I mean obviously the original historical context is just f*cking awesome.

But picture Anne being an incredible badass feminist bi icon. (Does she have a youtube channel? Who knows???? That'd be cool...)

Her new family, two pretty "traditionally" raised siblings at first have a hard time with her and her identity and intensity about everything. (When dont they though right)

She doesn't even have to be a "mistake." Nowadays with cellphones and stuff a confusion like that would be impossible. But maybe she just ran away because the orphanage was abusive af and kept sending her to sh*tty homes.

And honestly if Matthew doesn't have asperger/autism/down but it went ignored cause "we just don't talk about it" but Anne came and was like "that's f*cked up were getting you diagnosed and treated Matthew dammit" then what even is the point.

Diana being raised in a really harsh and severe family so she's afraid her mom will find out about her best friend being, well, her. (No, they are not dating, they're BFFs as originally just that Diana's mom sucks even more in the actual timeline.)

Honestly I just LOVE Anne and Diana's friendship. Like they've literally known each other for one day and they already have this deep bond, they truly are kindred spirits. I think Diana wouldn't even have a hard time accepting Anne; she would just be relieved she could finally explore herself. (Ace-Di-ana-Ace-Di-ana)

Cole (yes, Cole, book and series mixture S u C k I t) being openly gay and spending a lot of his time just laying low at Anne's because his parents also s u c k. (Uhhh maybe then he just realises he doesn't HAVE TO go back to his sh*tty parents and moves with aunt Jo, the Eccentric City Lesbian tm) (And also honestly let's say f*ck it and go all out: Cole with eyeliner)

Man they'd probably sneak around a lot talking about all this "forbidden stuff". Cole would join them whenever they were at Anne's (most of the time anyways) because Diana's mom knows his mom and there's no way in hell he'd risk crossing her way.

Mr IDKwhat (that teacher dating a student) being an ACTUAL pedophile and it being f*cking reported and shut down. (Yes I realize this was era appropriate but SURPRISE, stuff changed)

OMG GUYS MISS STACY

I could make a whole post about miss Stacy alone but lets just go with badass lesbian teacher who actively fights the school and the parents, takes bs from no one and basically adopts all of her students in need.

Also let's be honest, the Barrys would probably be this really wealthy family with a bigass house in the suburbs and they'd all own IPhones or some sh*t and the Cuthberts would be this regular middle class family with an inherited little house in a not-so-awesome-but-still-pretty-nice neighbourhood; so Diana's mom already isn't a big fan of Anne because a) "she's a freaking street orphan for God's sake" and b) "her ClAsS isn't exactly the SaMe as ours Diana dEaR". So imagine if she found out her _perfect older daughter's_ two best friend are queer icons one of them being "a BoY wHo WeArS mAkEuP" *scandalized old British lady accent*

And I can totally picture Anne with this really weird pet, like a mouse or a small bird or one of those extrangely small cats that you can carry in your pocket and her talking to it and it really looks like a conversation to outsiders. (Because it is, they're discussing the latest episode of a show or planning a prank on Cole's stupid homophobic mom)

Let's be honest, Anne would be the BIGGEST fan of Rent. I'm talking memorizing both songs AND dialogue and having a thousand fan theories she'd be able to defend against rain and wind. (This one was originally drafted during my Rent phase, geez it is a great musical though)

OMG GUYS JERRY AND DIANA. I'm talking Jerry being an old friend of Anne's (Orphanage? Foster home? The streets? We'll see...) and him falling HARD for Diana. (Not the same plot as the series though, I know it wouldn't have been possible back then but they'd totally stay together in MY self indulgent AU of everything. Still would exist the class issues and the Anne-Diana fight about it, bonus point if Jerry ends up Latino cause I want more representation man)

Maybe this part being on them more advanced on their life (Maybe the whole thing could be more advanced? Like directly starting with them at 16 or stg??? Cause like they are all sounding way too independent for twelve year olds) so Cole already moved to an apartment in the city near aunt Jo but all in all being independent and pushing through despite his terrible TERRIBLE parenting. And like both Anne AND Diana going to him with their class issues fight (Is Cole Latino/African American? I'd like that.... Let's say so it's my 2:40 am fantasy after all) and him being all surprised because a) He was most definitely NOT expecting them b) This two never fight about anything and c) Diana and Jerry? Geez how long was he away?

And I would legitimate M u R d E r someone for their yelling match across Cole's apartment being interrupted by like a male voice asking "Cole where is X thing?" And Anne and Diana like "I thought you'd been living alone this two years (two years, let's say so my brain is shutting down) since leaving aunt Jo's" and Cole being like "you've also missed a lot" And essentially that's how they meet Cole's boyfriend who doesn't understand a thing but rolls with it because he finally gets to meet famous Avonlea friends (the neighbourhood should be called Avonlea or among those line at least)

Anne and Gilbert WILL end up together cause I honestly think they're meant to be they just compliment each other but like maybe while fighting her totally obvious inner crush she'd date a few people, some girls, some boys, just casually bi-ing by but like settling but still being bi cause that's just real bi people

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

[vicsep7250]

@ren-amamiyaa and their (he/she?) Golden Heist, Thief Nanako and Cryptid Chaser aus flooded my brain and now Im making this post bc I cant fit all of this in asks!!!

All right, so, idea. Cryptid Chasers, Thief Nanako and Golden Heist are all connected righr???

CC acts as a prequel, TN becomes the inbetween starring Nanako and Akechi, and GH stars a broken and older IT and slightly jaded PT.

So far CC has Yosuke and Naoto forming the brotp that fanon wanted through silly Saturday Night Ghost Chasers Shenanigans, Akiren is bein' a lil shit at midnight bc he needs an outlet and exercise to Phantom Thief. While this goes on, Akechi's ghost/spirit/rement/heart/whatever pulls pranks and shenans along with Joker (hiwever that happens).

As the Cryptid Chasers keep going out of their way to confront Joker about Arsene (bc even he likes to mess around) the other IT in Inaba start to try and stop them from disrupting the peace (read : harassing a known criminal) and this somehow leads to a falling out. Mayhaps Naoto and Yosuke break a few laws and Chie busts them, Kanji wants to know why theyre stalking his student/protege, and Yukiko just wants to keep the rumors about the inn in check bc jfc Yosuke STOP SCREECHING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN THE LOBBY THERE IS NO GHOST ON THE TV!

Maybe eventually they call it quits or dont bc Naoto dug this hole too deep to climb out themself and Yosuke is having the time of his life since Partner isnt around and hasn't come back to visit yet (Not sayin' souyo is canon and there but-). And the Cryptid Chasers arc probably ends here with there being some animosity towards their shenanigans , but the IT are all still friends.

Now fast forward to like, uhhh (*flings dart at wall of calendars*) 2014 during winter and Akiren's cryptid acts are now fully accepted and maybe exposed, who knows. Nanako is like 10 ~ 12 (P5 is maybe three/five years post P4 I believe) and is just going through the motions of public education. I.E. go to class, do work, get good grades. Dojima is still the same as he was before Yu came but is at least doing better at being a dad, not much but better. Yosuke and Ted aren't around as much bc Junes, Chie is transferred to Tokyo, Yukiko is busy managing the Inn, and Kanji is busy with work (as a teacher and crafts business owner). Rise unfortunately cant come visit and Big Bro now visits every other year.

Nanako starts to look back and wonder how things started to fall apart amongst the group and recalls that "delinquent" who came back at the same time the Cryptid^tm showed up and ruined the group. So now she starts to remember the good times when Big Bro came by and starts to notice some blanks around winter... Why was she in the hospital when she got kidnapled? Why does she remember these weird flashes of Big Bro and his friends and some monster?? And how come she tried to ask them anything about it they brushed her off each time???

The TV in her room flashes and soon she starts hearing things. She starts to move closer to the tv, as if she was in some sort of trance, as the sounds start to become voices to her. When she's directly infront of the screen she sees something... someone on it...

Nanako doesnt show up for breakast, or to school, and nobody seems to have seen her.

A full year passes on after that day. It starts off with a big search party of the IT and Social Links for the first two months, then after ankther three something stange happens... are people forgetting that Nanako existed or something? Everybody's starting to act like completely different peoplw than who they are too, some even end up hospitalozed due to severe headaches and such, and start claiming that Nanako was never around when she vanished or that she left Inaba or was already deamed dead or missing. This rings alarms in the IT's mimds as they search for answers, eventually all fully reuniting for the first time in years/months.

Naoto and Yosuke blame themselves bc they piece together her disappearance with the Cryptid + Ghost case and immediately get scolded for trying to pin their stupid kids game on a missing person's case - especially now with Nanako missing and possibly in danger again! Afterwards the IT are a bit on edge and a bit broken with the whole thing. Meanwhile Akechi can hear the tale ends of "missing person" and "literal disappearnace" and starts looking into this weird limbo metaverse he's in bc some shit is kinda fucked in here now for some reason. They're pretty much only together as a team to rescue Nanako.

GH in the PTs POV starts when Akiren invites the group to the Amagi Inn thanks to licrative money grin- I mean training. He comes clean into having seen something weird on the tv one late night and wants to let the gang know.

Midnight rolls around and Akechi shows up on the screen and the Thieves losing their shit is an understatement - numerous noise complaints were filed that night. Anyways Akechi decides to just play the role of "hey moron, some shits fucked come help fix it" and ends up informing them of a missing girl and this weird TV Mementos world he is in.

I would like to note that Akechi is not at all bitter or confused at everyone's circumstances in life, no of course not Joker stop crying I know its been a while but shutup theres a kid in trouble rn and youre the only ones who can possibly help her.

When the PT figure out a plan to reach this other world Goro is in (Arsene : THOUARTTHEESTICKYOURHANDINTHETVDOITDOITDOITDOIT) the IT eventually come to the very sad conclusion that Nanako moght be in the TV world and that opens a whole can of worms and burnable bridges to cross.

While in the TV world, I'd like to imagine that due to Akechi having been there for a good while it has been shaped to reflect his heart and be the new overall theme of that world. It all still looks like Inaba, but it all holds themes to Akechi and his no good terrible life. However due to Nanako having been in that world as a kid, and now for an uncertain amount of time, the world now holds motifs to the Heaven area from P4, but it's all sorta ruined and kinda darker.

When both teams get together and enter the weird Tele-Mentos world (IT in a Junes storage and PT at either Ren's pad [bc he moved out obvi] (OR bith teams enter from seperate TVs at the Inn so SHENANS!)) Yu and the IT go through Akechi's influenced world/TV Palace, finding out about his tragic backstory and involvement with the PT, but anything that can and could reveal their true identities is blurred and staticy or missing bc Akechi aint gonna snitch out who ruined his sperm donors life (also I guess saved the world too yeah). While going through the Palace the Team starts to think that finding Goro will just be an "if it happens" sort of deal bc he's been missing for years already, what if we just leave him here bc M U R D E R E R.

Cue a sudden appearance by someone in some sort of fallen angel garb who starts whipping out a full on Metal Gear Villain monologue about how hypocritical the IT are when they find the truth about Akechi's life and disappearance - they claimed to want to live in a world where no one hides in the fig, was that all a lie? Are they going back on their word, and hiding behind a shriud of lies and falsehoods once more? "You've gone and lied and hidden the truth already, what's to say you won't continue?"

Meanwhile Akiren and the Thieves enter at the very top of the Heaven TV Set and have to climb all the way down. As they do so they start seeing little murals or epitaphs about memories and people in this girls life. They see all of these memories of a happy girl who had such a loving family - both found and by blood. As they go further and further down the ruins start to look like an actual Heaven, and the scenary becomes more bright and colorful. Eventually they might run into Crow in his Black Mask clothes and give the bastard a slug on the arm and a group hug or two, bc man he doesn't deserve to suffer anymore like this.

Now that the Phantom Thieves have been reunited (Akechi : I can't leave this world The PT : FUCK, MORE PLOT) they end up thinking up ways to get Akechi out until this weird angel priest looking dude shows up and starts babling about how they are criminals and how they've done more bad than good and blah blah blah. Everyone is just all "We're the good guys, we do the right thing even if its morally grey/ambiguous!" and oh look! Another crazed maniac wants to kill us for our "injustice" *Crow has the decency to look away and not say anything* annnnnnd Heaven is locked off. Perfect.

Now maybe the Phantom Thieves and Investigation Team run into each other somewhere in Akechi's Palace and "You have Personas?!?!" "The hell is a Palace?" "YOU'RE THE CRYPTID OF INABA!!?!?" "And Im the 'Ghost' that follows him." "Wait you followed me as a ghost?" "WAIT WHY ARE THERE TWO AKECHIS??!??!!"

Oh yeah, Shadows... Akechi is still kinda in denial about the whole friends and justice thing...

And now the Dark Priest is back great ("Good name Skull" "Well I've got my moments right?").

Annnnnnnd now I have no idea what happens next and Im all burned out but AAAAAAAAA this entire AU crossover thing is so GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!