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pawsitivelymiraculous · 3 years

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Damian, the little brother, Dupain-Cheng (Part 1)

I'm backkkk! I explained why this series went on hiatus on this post but yeahhh the Damian Dupain-Cheng series is back and will be posted on it's old schedule (which is every other week) Anyway I really appreciate you guys,, sorry for taking so long and let me know what you think! Comments really motivate me to keep writing.

(I promise I'll add a read more thing and the links tomorrow but I need sleep. for now I'll add the masterlist you can find everything there)

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Ao3 Masterlist

~♡~ Recap ~♡~

Marinette kidnapped/adopted Damian after seeing him with Talia in the Miraculous Café. She gives him the choice between staying with her or a non assassin relative. He chooses to stay in hopes of stealing the miracle box, but since that didn't work he lashed out and tried to kill Marinette and her friends repeatedly. This makes Marinette doubt in herself because she feels guilty about the whole situation. After hearing Marinette cry, Damian runs away confused at the whole situation, but he didn't get far before realizing that he was actually okay with the idea of Marinette becoming his mother. Marinette finds him and they go home. Time passes, they get a dog, Damian grows closer to Marinette and Marinette legally adopts him.

This takes place some time after all of this, like a couple of months.

~♡~♡~♡~

Why am I still in Paris?

Jason asked himself this every day, and yet he could never find the answer.

Maybe it was because he really had nothing else to do. Well besides killing a Bat.

Or maybe it was because being in Paris somehow cleared some of the madness leftover from the Lazarus Pit that clouded his brain.

In either case it seemed like every time he tried to leave, he would convince himself to stay with the lie that Marinette Dupain-cheng was just as dangerous as Talia had claimed she was.

And that his "brother" really was in danger.

Which only led to him tailing after the pair like a complete creep while feeling miserable because who was he kidding? The woman who had taken Damian in was just as dangerous as a basket of golden retriever puppies and Damian would have a way better life living with her rather than with Bruce.

And still he could not f*cking leave.

So he continued to observe from the shadows. Trying to remain invisible.

Which had worked out perfectly fine until that day it seemed, because Jason soon found himself pressed against the cold concrete after being flipped by a woman half his size.

Jason tried to look up, but he felt the heel of a shoe pressed against his head.

"Ow"

"Oh, I'm sorry did I hurt you?" Jason heard a familiar voice say. The only difference was that she was speaking in English with a slight accent rather than French.

How the h*ll did she know that he spoke English?

Jason tried to get a better look at his attacker, but she just pressed down her heel deeper making it very clear that she was not sorry at all.

Marinette leaned down to talk to him. "Look kid, I just want to know why you keep following me. Now we can talk like normal people, or I'll have to be a little… unconventional. So what do you say?"

Kid? Jason couldn't remember the last time he had been called. It was especially surreal coming from such a petite woman who couldn't be older than thirty.

"Now I'm going to let you stand up just… don't do anything stupid."

Stupid seemed to follow Jason because as soon as he felt the pressure on his head lessen, he stood up and ran. The only thing in his mind was getting away from the woman.

He wasn't able to go far though. As soon as he got to the end of the ally they were in, Jason suddenly felt all the muscles in his body grow weak. Everything around him became blurry and for the second time that day, Jason fell down and hit the gravel.

~♡~♡~♡~

Marinette hadn't meant to use a tranquilizer she made from the bee's miraculous venom on the guy. Honest.

But she needed answers, and he didn't seem in the mood to be the one providing them, so she had to do something before he got away.

Marinette did find it strange how he seemed more interested in running rather than harming her in any way. But she could think about that later. For now, she had to do something about the unconscious body on the ground.

First, Marinette tried to drag him back into the ally because she didn't want to risk anyone seeing her. It was ridiculous how difficult it was to move the guy a couple of inches. Even with all the strength she got from being ladybug, Marinette found herself incredibly tired when she finally managed to get to the end of the alley.

There was no way that Marinette could drag the guy to a safe location. Unless… she had the horse miraculous.

Marinette swiftly grabbed her phone and called Adrien while still holding down the guy in case he regained consciousness. "Hey kitty! Are you busy right now?"

"Um no?" He replied cautiously. "Unless you need me to bury a body, then I'm really busy." He would gladly lie to the police and give marinette suggestions on how to get rid of the body, but actually digging a hole sounded like too much of a hassle in Adrien's opinion.

Marinette laughed nervously. "Don't worry it's not a body." She paused "Not a dead one at least" she added under her breath.

Adrien heard her anyway "Marinette."

"I just need you to get the horse miraculous and come here." Marinette added quickly when she heard Adrien's disapproving tone.

"Do I even want to know why you need it?"

Marinette hesitated. Adrien still acted weird around Damian, and she wasn't sure that he would want to get involved with this. "Well I found the guy that was following me" she explained "and accidentally knocked him out" Marinette stopped when she saw a portal open. "And you’re already here, was there no traffic?"

Adrien laughed as he walked out of the portal. "I was already getting the miraculous while you talked." He explained with a shrug then he looked at the unconscious guy on the floor. "Sooo… do you need help with that?"

~♡~♡~♡~

Kagami was already at the café's storage area by the time Adrien and Marinette passed through the portal.

Adrien did a double take when he saw her. "Woah, I literally just texted you."

"You said you found the stalker, and I was nearby, and I figured that you would need help interrogating him." she explained.

"With a sword?" Marinette asked, eyeing Kagami's left hand. "Where did you even get that?"

Kagami smiled. "Yes, and your son has an excellent taste."

Marinette looked at kagami, with a very confused and slightly worried expression. "Wha- when did you go sword shopping?"

Adrien replied instead. "When you asked me to babysit, your little gremlin scares me and gami wanted a sword, so I let him go with her." Then he grabbed a nearby chair and sat the guy in it, and also tied him to one of the stands that held coffee supplies using zip ties.

"You have broken my trust Agreste." Marinette said trying to sound as serious as possible but failing at it. "No, but seriously, let me know next time okay?"

"Yes ma'am"

It took a couple of minutes for the guy to regain consciousness. And as soon as he did, he thrashed around trying to break free from his restraints. Looking around him wildly until his gaze landed on Marinette.

His eyes narrowed. "You" he lunged towards her but was held back.

His attitude was completely different from their first meeting. Before he seemed conflicted and confused. But while he still seemed very confused that confusion was now mixed with rage. Which Marinette could understand, she had just knocked him out and brought him to a strange place.

But Marinette needed answers, the guy was very clearly part of the league, his aura reeked of their darkness, and she was not about to feel sympathy for anyone connected to the league of assassins.

So Marinette held no remorse when she allowed kagami to approach him with her sword after he calmed down a bit.

"Who are you?" Kagami asked threateningly, then raised the blade dangerously close to his neck. "And why have you been following Marinette?"

The guy didn't even flinch. "Name's Jason" then he turned slightly to look Marinette in the eye. "I am Damian's brother," he continued.

Marinette's eyes widened. The room fell silent for a moment.

Jason smirked at his captors' shocked faces as he gave the final blow. "And I'm here to take him to his father."

~♡~♡~♡~ TAG LIST ~♡~♡~♡~

(If you want to be added please let me know)

@elmokingkong @anjuschiffer , @ii-fox-demon , @justcourttee , @tazanna-blythe , @lozzybowe , @idontfuking, @wannajointhecrabcult , @bakergirl13 , @rosalineandrosemary , @art-is-hard-to-do-sorry , @our-preciousss , @consumeconstantly , @jiso-lee , @allthegooddaimenettenamesaregone, @justcourteesuportline , @finallyaniguana , @user00000003 , @whydoexamsexist , @justafanwarrior , @violetfandomaddict, @smolplantmum @fidget-eep ,@cadenceh2o , @justarandomtumblerblog , @ramos123 @iwantasecretidentity @t1dwarrior-of-earth @thesunniestdays @alice-hazelwood

~♡~♡~♡~ PERMANENT TAG LIST ~♡~♡~♡~

@charme-de-malchan , @theatreandcomicfreak , @m3owww, @elliebelliegirl , @genevieve-the-demonologist, @vixen-uchiha , @t1dwarrior-of-earth , @waffleyunsure , @technicallyburninggarden , @azuremayscarlet , @vroomtaka , @emistar0 , @ichigorose , @maskedpainter , @art-is-hard-to-do-sorry , @alysrose-starchild , @jayjayspixiepop , @abrx2002 , @nathleigh , @icerosecrystal , @jumpingjoy82

#maribat #ml x dc #mlb x dc #my trash writing #my writing #damian dupain cheng #mominette

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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hey, me again (the person you typed as SFP). Thanks for your respond. First of all; you are certainly right about me using fi-te, thats actually i am quiet sure about by now (even though i had some trouble seeing myself as a feeler at first because it is usually described that feelers are in general more empathic and i can assure you no person i know would ever use the word "empathic" to describe me)...

You sound like an NP in what you wrote here, yes.

Fi's appear stoic on the outside, but are a swarm of specific emotions on the inside. They are self-referencing; if something doesn't ignite an emotional response in them, they don't care and aren't particularly sympathetic from "the outside," hence why people call them "cold." But they are very easily insulted, if they're INFPs. Much more so than an ENFP, who will consider it through Ne/Te more often than Fi.

#question

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tangled-the-series-forever · 4 years

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Rapunzel and the Lost Lagoon

As soon as I heard about this book, I put it on my birthday wishlist. But alas, my birthday had come and gone. No Lost Lagoon. Apparently my mom didn’t see it on the wishlist, so that’s why. Flash forward to Christmas Day and I held the book in my hands, which were trembling with excitement. Not really, but you get the idea. I had been waiting to devour this book for months on end and I did. So without further ado, I will present to you this handy-dandy post that encapsulates my thoughts on Lost Lagoon before, during, and after reading. I thought it would be fun to record my expectations and compare them to what I discovered. If you’ve read Lost Lagoon, what did you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts! ❤️

Before Reading

honestly, I’m not quite sure what to expect. All I know is that there’s a lot of moments between Raps and Cass and I am ready for them!

maybe it explains how Cass came to be Raps’ lady-in-waiting? (I hope so because I’ve always wondered this...)

I think I’ll like the book as a whole (I’m hoping I’ll love it)

I’m guessing that it is cute, funny, serious, and adventurous all in one

maybe we’ll learn more about Cass?

will Raps tell Cass about her life in the tower?

what will be the ratio of lighthearted to serious moments? Am I more likely to laugh or cry? Probably both 😅😂😂

this book’s design is absolutely gorgeous! 😍😍😍 I literally just stared at it for a while beginning to read it

During Reading

Rapunzel’s hair hasn’t grown back yet? Oh, it’s her first week in Corona. Okay...

“Something was missing. I was hoping painting would help me find whatever that was, or at least help me end the afternoon on a happy note.” (is this relatable or what? I know not to chase after the elusive beast referred to as happiness, but I do often strive to end the day on a good note because I feel like Satan wins if I don’t)

Friedborg is Arianna’s lady-in-waiting? That makes more sense now. I always feel bad not knowing much about her or her background. I hope she makes some appearances in the book (no sooner did I type this than I look down and skim the scene where she teaches Raps how to sit. Crazy, right?)

Eugene referring to Rapunzel as “my girl” (so sweet 🥰)

“Eugene’s warm brown eyes and mischievous smile are irresistible from any angle” (she’s head over heels, ya’ll 😂💕😂)

first look at Cass 🥰 That’s my girl! Not only does she want to be part of the guard, but she wants to succeed her father as Captain! Go after your dreams, girl! I support you ❤️

“I’d rather shovel sheep dung than mend clothes and gossip.” Mood 😂😂

she recently discovered a hidden spot by using maps of an ancient underground tunnel system? How cool!

okay, but Cass’ animosity towards Raps is fair. And the fact that she refers to her as “that girl”? Priceless

names of nearby nations? Like, yes please!

the irony of Cass piquing Raps’ interest in her by leaving as soon as she can after throwing the shot put 😅😂😂

Cass worrying she got herself in trouble by practicing shot put. Poor thing!

the angst Cass feels towards her dad because he wants her to be a lady-in-waiting when she clearly doesn’t... so relatable (it’s tough when a parent’s expectations and our own dreams/desires don’t match)

I didn’t realize Cass created the maps herself! She’s so determined to prove herself to her dad, it hurts 😭😭

I wonder if the pools in Yultadore are what make up the lost lagoon...

“Her enthusiasm was so shiny and bright I had to squint” (I totally understand this)

pretty boy Eugene and his quips 😂😂

Cass trying to keep her distance from Raps by calling her “Princess” and firmly saying “Goodbye” before shutting and locking the door behind her

So that’s how Cass and Eugene met... okay, cool. Nothing too crazy or weird. I don’t know what I expected but it’s nice to know how their battle of wits began

I’m noticing a pattern in the words used to describe Cass: knowledgeable, brave, etc. I think that’s cool because I feel like her pessimism gets a lot more attention in the series. It’s nice to acknowledge her other qualities as well.

Arianna chose Cass to be Raps’ lady-in-waiting. I always wondered how she got the position. I’m loving how many little things this book is explaining 🥰

Also, just noticed the bird illustrations on the page of every new chapter. I wonder if there’s a pattern...

OWL!!! 😍😍 he literally “senses her distress”. I wish we got to hear about how they met

I wanted to cry for Cass. Poor thing just wants to follow her dreams. I like the way the finality of the decision was described. It’s so tragic 💔

“When Cassandra saw him [Eugene], her face clouded over like a stormy afternoon” 😂😂 I love how Cass doesn’t try to hide her feelings about people. It’s true that she keeps personal things close to her chest, but not when it comes to what she thinks of others. Honesty is the best policy, right?

I love how Cass continuously prompts Raps to keep reading the poem. She’s like, “Yeah, yeah, just get to the good stuff” 😂

about that poem... maybe it’s from Herz Der Sonne’s perspective. Could the “truth sealed in precious stones” be a reference to Zhan Tiri’s disciples and how they were trapped within stones? And what about the three gems? What’s the emerald tapestry supposed to be? Does it reference Saporia? I HAVE TOO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

“A few times I thought I heard some rustling behind me, but I kept going” (me: yeah, Raps is definitely following her) 😂

me when I realize the “emerald tapestry” is grass: 🙃

why is Cass so fearful around water? Did someone try to drown her? someone please tell me who is responsible so I can PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE 😅🤣

painfully ironic how Rapunzel can swim despite being locked in a tower all her life and Cass can’t

Raps nonchalantly offering to teach Cass how to swim just warms my heart 🥰❤️

okay, so Cass is responsible for her fear of water. That’s almost worse because it invites shame and self-hatred, which makes it more difficult to push against that fear or overcome it 😔

the importance of Raps agreeing to help Cass even after realizing she doesn’t want to be her lady-in-waiting is HUGE. This is something I feel like should have happened throughout Season 1 but never did (Raps supporting Cass and trusting that she has a good reason for things even if she doesn’t understand)

“But now I have to teach you which fork to eat your waffles with and stuff” 😂

the first time they call each other Cass and Raps 🥰😍🥰😍

woah, I didn’t expect there to be a time jump. I should have known because I kept wondering why they would depict Rapunzel with her blonde hair on the cover if this takes place before it comes back. Anyways...

I forgot to take notes as I read the majority of part 2. I’m currently a chapter or two away from part 3 and all I have to say is that something bad is about to happen. I can feel it. Dahlia’s definitely shady and so is Marco. I suspected Marie earlier but now I’m not sure. She wasn’t obvious until she was but now she’s not again so maybe she is guilty after all? Either way, Raps is making dumb decisions and I’m over here yelling at her to get her life together before she gets killed or kidnapped (whichever comes first, I guess) 😅🙃

Cass is absolutely roasting Rapunzel and I am here for it! Don’t mind me just munching away on my popcorn over here 🍿

Cass said she’s finally gonna leave Corona so I bet Raps will fess up and tell her that Dahlia’s been helping her with the painting for Cass so Cass will let her guard down and think Dahlia’s okay after all. But... she won’t be and they’re gonna realize she was the bad guy after all 😎

didn’t think Cass would get attacked 😅 also, the fact that she is highly skilled and powerful yet trips and twists her ankle is such a mood. Like, that’s literally me in a nutshell. She is beauty, she is grace, and she falls flat on her face 🤣🤣 while I’m here, I’m guessing Marco is her attacker because he probably has a rough voice

Okay, so I guess Dahlia really is innocent then... idk, I still think she could be up to something

I WAS RIGHT!

Marco’s the bad guy and things just escalated quickly cause now he’s got a knife against Cass’ throat 😳😬😵

so Dahlia’s innocent after all... I thought she or Marie might be working with Marco but I guess not (kinda disappointed to be honest)

okay so this Dahlia chick is exasperatingly hilarious 😂😂 she legit took part of Raps’ bookcase to use for an art piece. Like, who does that?

“Pascal shook his head, totally fed up” me too bud, me too 🤣

After Reading

so I did get to see how Cass and Raps first met (also how she first met Eugene as well)

I like how they combined their talents and passions at the end to create the map painting

There were a bunch of lines that made me laugh, although there were just as many that hit me like a knife to the chest (pretty much anything angsty from Cass’ POV) so I like how it made me feel all the feels (I felt like an investigator trying to figure out who the bad guy was and that was a blast 😆)

overall it was pretty good. I did feel like the characters were off (Arianna seemed like she swapped personalities with Frederick at times and Eugene apologized for joking Cass- as if!), but other than that I enjoyed it. There were a bunch of new characters being introduced so it was somewhat hard to tell who was bad and who wasn’t but I guessed correctly in the end. I was hoping there would be more than one bad guy but oh well.

I’m glad I read it because now I know a few extra things about Corona and its surrounding countries (plus I can finally read through all the Lost Lagoon related tumblr posts I saved for later... I was waiting until I read the book and here I am!)

If anyone needs me, I’ll be going through LL tumblr posts. I should definitely be sleeping but that’s not important 😅😂😂

#tangled the series #rapunzel and the lost lagoon #tts lost lagoon #lost lagoon spoilers #tts lost lagoon quotes #lost lagoon quotes

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s-oulpunk · 5 years

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Vendetta (1/3) - Stenbrough

Summary: All Bill really wants is a shoulder to cry on. All he really wants is for someone to tell him it’s going to be alright. Robert has never let him down in that regard.

Bill hasn't been the same since his brother's disappearance, and the only man that seems to understand him is Robert "Bob" Gray. It doesn't matter that he's three times his age, Bill craves that understanding. He craves for someone to look him in the eye and tell him that everything's going to be okay. Unfortunately, there's always a price to pay, and Georgie was only the beginning.

TW: Violence, Manipulation, Non-Con, Kidnapping

Notes: This is a lot darker than my other fics, and, basically, I am so sorry. The non-con stuff isn’t super graphic, but it is there so please be careful.

There are three parts to this fic. I promise I will post them all, but updates will be slow. All the chapters are really long and I’m busy with a lot of other things, so it takes me awhile to finish.

Also while this is technically a Stenbrough fanfic, their relationship isn’t the main focus of the fic. It carries a lot of the plot but, overall, the fic is about Bill’s journey.

Read on AO3

Part One:

The Disappearance Of Georgie Denbrough:

Georgie Denbrough has been missing for half a year when Robert Gray shows up. He just waltzes into Bill’s life, with a charming smile and sympathetic eyes that tell stories Bill can’t quite understand yet. If Bill stares into them long enough, he thinks he can start to see pieces of some of those stories. And they chill him to the bone.

He doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know what exactly the stories are (and a part of him doesn’t know if he will ever want to), but Bill doesn’t need to know to feel the chill that runs down his back.

Robert Gray’s eyes are haunting.

And yet the rest of him is friendly enough, so Bill tries to not let himself worry over his eyes too much. Instead he focuses on the warmth of Robert’s hand on his shoulder, on the way he smiles so wide it nearly splits his face in half, on the kind words he utters when Bill comes to him sobbing at odd hours of the day.

His friends don’t see it that way.

They see Robert and they see, to put it plainly, a creep who jumped at the opportunity to spend time with a bunch of fifteen year olds. And they have no qualms about letting Bill know about their true feelings.

“You’re gonna get fucking murdered, Bill,” Eddie had said a few days after Robert’s first appearance. “You’re gonna get kidnapped and raped and then you’re gonna get murdered, is that what you want? They’re gonna find your body in the basement of some creepy old house or, or, or deep in the woods or, like, in his bedroom. And your skin’s gonna be all gross and decaying. Or, fuck, what if he’s like some crazy cannibal? They’re gonna find you with chunks of flesh missing and an eyeball in a martini glass and he’ll be making some kind of crazy, fucked up, dinner using your insides - Fuck, Bill! Is that what you want?”

Bill thinks Eddie has quite the imagination.

All Bill really wants is a shoulder to cry on. All he really wants is for someone to tell him it’s going to be alright. Robert has never let him down in that regard.

“He’s a guh-good guy,” Bill had told Eddie. “You jj-juh-just have to give him a chance.”

Eddie had merely scoffed and told Bill he would never, ever let Robert Gray get close enough to do that.

Bill thinks that’s a tad bit unfair, but Eddie refuses to budge.

Sometimes, when Bill looks into Robert’s eyes, he can see why. But those moments are fleeting. They’re only a few seconds of gut twisting, vomit inducing anxiety before he remembers who he’s talking to and he’s overrun with unshakeable guilt.

In the weeks since, his friends still haven’t come around. But they will eventually, Bill’s sure of it.

As of currently, they’re crowded into the clubhouse. Richie and Eddie are curled up together in the hammock, lost in their own little world. Bev is smoking by the open trapdoor. Ben and Mike have combined efforts to put various posters and photos on the walls. And Bill is sitting in the far corner, softly murmuring his latest story and trying very hard not to think about the fact that Stan is sitting so close he might as well be on his lap.

Stan doesn’t say a word throughout the story. Instead he listens attentively, like Bill’s thoughts are worth paying attention to. It makes Bill’s heart melt just a little bit.

When he finishes, he puts the notebook down gently, and turns to stare curiously at Stan. “So?”

“I didn’t like the ending,” is all Stan says.

“That’s ww-wh-what you said about my last one!” Bill exclaims.

“It’s too sad,” Stan says. “Sean never gets to go back home. All his friends and family are looking for him, and he’s stuck trapped in his own head forever.”

“Robert luh-luh-liked it.”

Stan scoffs loudly. “Do I look like Robert to you?”

This, admittedly, does earn a chuckle from Bill.

“Just because it’s ss-suh-sad doesn’t mean that it’s not good.”

“But Sean deserves to be happy, don’t you think?”

Bill considers this for a moment. Then, “Nope!” he says, popping the P.

“Why not?” Stan asks, lurching backwards to stare at him incredulously.

“Because I mmm-muh-made him,” Bill says. “And, therefore, I can dd-do whatever I want with him.”

Stan hums softly because, technically, this is true, but, “Why don’t you use your power for good?”

There’s a beat of silence.

“That rr-ruh-rarely happens in real life,” Bill murmurs.

It’s so much sadder than their previous conversation, and much more serious. Bill almost feels bad saying it. But it’s true. People are rarely happy in real life, and if there is someone in the sky looking out for them, they sure as hell aren’t changing their ending to please their friend. Even if said friend is cute as a button.

“I guess so,” whispers Stan. “But don’t you wish it did?”

“Yeah.” Bill does. All the time. “Sometimes.”

Stan shuffles closer, tucking his head between Bill’s shoulder and neck. Bill tries to ignore the heat that sprouts there, spilling through his veins and out to the rest of his body, making him tingly all over. But he can’t. As soon as it gets his attention, he’s gone. The clubhouse disappears, replaced by Stan and the warmth that fills his veins.

“I think you’re gonna be alright,” Stan says. “Whoever’s writing your ending is looking out for you.”

Bill fiddles nervously with the corner of his notebook. “Robert thinks we mmm-muh-might still be able to find jj-juh-juh-Georgie.”

“I...Yeah. Maybe.”

Stan looks so defeated. Like he knows Bill won’t listen to whatever he has to say. Which, in all honesty, he probably wouldn’t. But that doesn’t make Bill feel any less guilty.

“Are you still looking for him?” Stan asks. But he knows the answer.

“Yeah,” Bill says. “Robert usually huh-helps me.”

“That’s nice of him.”

“Mhm. We’re supposed to go ll-luh-look down by the barrens later today.”

“Oh.”

Bill can feel Stan stiffen beside him. He’s got his legs pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped securely around his knees, and Bill’s sure that, if he were wearing shorts, his fingernails would be digging into his skin, judging by how tightly he’s gripping his knees.

“Robert?” The intrusion, while Bill loves all his friends, is unwelcomed. These moments with Stan feel intimate. Special. Richie doesn’t get to interrupt just because he overhears something he doesn’t like. “You’re still talking to that freak?” He’s swinging slowly in the hammock, a worn out comic in one hand, Eddie wrapped securely in the other. But he’s not paying attention to either. Instead he’s got his gaze fixed on Bill, his glasses making his infuriated eyes seem 12x bigger.

Bill rolls his eyes. “He’s not that bad, Rich.”

“Not that bad?” Richie says. “Eds, did you hear that? Robert’s not that bad! Not at all! We better shout this from the rooftops. Hey, Losers! Robert’s not that bad!”

“Sh-Sh-Shut up, Richie,” Bill groans.

“We’re just worried,” Bev says. She flicks some of the cigarette ash onto the ground. “You can’t blame us for that.”

It’s true, he can’t, but, “Yuh-You don’t have anything to be worried about.”

Bev hums softly. She clearly doesn’t believe him. It infuriates Bill a little bit, but he wills those emotions away. These are his friends, of course they would be worried.

Stan must sense another quarrell coming on, he’s got a fifth sense for that kind of stuff, because he gently taps Bill’s knee and murmurs, “Write me another story.”

And who is Bill to argue?

Bill doesn’t like the barrens. He had been so hopeful when he first started searching here, so sure he would find clues. Subconsciously he had hoped he would find Georgie just sitting there, patiently waiting for his big brother to find him.

But he never did.

And now the barrens represent that failure, that loss. He doesn't know if he’ll ever be able to step foot in them again without remembering the brother who didn’t come home. And yet he’s still down here constantly, still searching for possible clues. He still never finds any.

“This is useless,” Bill hisses. “Hh-huh-he’s not down here. He’s not-” He sniffs harshly. He can already feel the tears stinging at his eyes. “This is sss-stuh-stupid. Dad’s ruh-ruh-right, he’s-” Bill grits his teeth. He can’t afford to think like that. “We need to look somewhere else. If he ww-wuh-was here, he’s not anymore.”

Robert glances at him curiously. “Where do you want to look?”

“I-” Bill doesn’t have an answer. Because he’s looked, quite literally, everywhere. He’s searched every inch of this god forsaken town, then searched it again, and again, and again. There’s nowhere else to look. “Maybe he got ll-luh-lost. In the woods. Maybe we jj-juh-just have to look harder.”

It’s pathetic, really.

On some level, Bill knows Georgie isn’t in the woods. He knows he isn’t anywhere. No seven year old can survive for half a year on their own. And yet he can’t admit it, even to himself.

“We’ve checked the woods, kid,” Robert says with a heavy sigh.

“But - But -” Oh, nononono, Robert’s giving up on him too. The one person who didn’t judge him, and now he thinks he’s gone crazy as well. Not that Bill can really blame him. Sometimes he wonders about his own sanity. “We haven’t looked that dd-deep.” Bill knows he sounds desperate, but he can’t stop it. “Maybe - Maybe we’ll ff-fuh-find something.” Before Robert can respond, because Bill knows that look in his eye, knows he won’t be getting the answer he wants, he hurriedly adds, “I can do something for you.”

That catches Robert’s attention. It always does.

He hesitates, and for a moment Bill worries his answer isn’t going to change. But then he says, “Alright, get in the truck,” and Bill doesn’t think he’s heard a better suggestion in all of his life.

He practically runs to the truck. Not that it matters. He still has to wait for Robert to open it, because he has, like, a million locks on the damned thing.

Robert unlocks it with a chuckle, like Bill’s a child who just asked the sugariest cereal at the grocery store.

“Okay,” Bill says, as soon as they’re both seated. “I think we sh-sh-should check past the town limits. We huh-haven’t looked-”

“Bill.” Robert chuckles again. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Bill’s heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach. “Nn-Nuh-Now?”

Robert looks at him pointedly. “There won’t be time afterwards.”

Which, Bill supposes is true. Once he starts looking, he doesn’t stop until he can’t see two feet in front of him. Even then, oftentimes he has to be dragged away.

But he hates this part. It makes him feel weird, like there’s dirt trapped under his skin that he can’t dig out. Being able to wait a few more hours would be nice. Nevertheless, a deal’s a deal.

“Alright,” he murmurs. “Yuh-Yeah, okay. Just-” Maneuvering himself into the right position is, admittedly, harder than it looks. The truck is cramped and by the time Bill manages to find a semi-comfortable position, Robert’s already growing impatient.

Bill’s barely managed to get Robert’s belt open before calloused fingers are grasping at his hair, pushing him down, down, down until air has become a precious resource. Luckily, Bill doesn’t have to do too much work this time. This happens sometimes, if Robert gets too rowdy too fast. He’ll take control of Bill’s actions, ignoring if he gags or if his face turns purple, forcing him to go as fast or as slow as he wants.

As much as Bill hates having to work hard at something that is, admittedly, disgusting - not that he’d ever dare say that to Robert’s face - having Robert control him is always so much worse. Bill’s sure Robert wouldn’t ever hurt him, but it’s clear in moments like these who has the control. If something went wrong, Bill wouldn’t be able to get away. He can’t move an inch.

But he shouldn’t be worrying about that. Because nothing’s going to go wrong. Besides, Robert’s doing so much for him, this is the least he could do.

It seems to take forever before Robert’s finished. But once he is, Bill jumps back, cheeks still puffed wide like a hamster. This is the worst part, he thinks. And the longer he waits, the worse it is, but he can’t get himself to take that last fucking step.

“Good?” Robert purrs. Bill nods, even though he wishes the ground would swallow him whole, because what the fuck else is he supposed to do? “You look so pretty like this.” Bill wants to cry. Which is a stupid fucking reaction. Who cries after - after - after that? “C’mon.” Robert’s got a hand on his cheek, thumb gently brushing the bone. “I know you can do it.” And, God, Bill just wants him to stop talking. So he does it. He swallows as quickly as he can, fighting his instinct to gag it all back up. “Good boy.”

Bill turns quickly, forcing Robert’s hand to slip off his face. “Can ww-wuh-we go nuh-now?” he asks. He stares straight ahead as Robert starts the car. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything. He’s still fine. He’s still good. He’s still redeemable.

The next day, things are not better.

They didn’t find anything relating to Georgie, the Losers still think Robert’s a creep, and, to make it all worse, Bill’s throat feels like it’s on fire.

“You don’t sound too good, Billy,” Eddie says. “You might be getting sick.”

Bill hums softly. “Mm-Maybe-” he winces at how rough his voice sounds. “-Maybe I sh-sh-should go home.”

“Just rest here,” Stan suggests. “You can stay in my bed.”

“I - I don’t wanna get you ss-suh-sick.”

Stan shrugs. “It’s fine, I can change the sheets. I know how to do laundry.” Richie wolf whistles from across the room. “Oh, fuck off!”

“We can make you soup,” Eddie says. He’s already gathering the ingredients, so Bill supposes there’s no point in arguing.

He drags his feet up to Stan’s room, ignoring the growing pit in his stomach. He should just tell them the truth. It’s not that big of a deal, right?

It’s not until he’s curled up in bed that he notices Bev standing in the doorway.

“I know you’re not sick,” she says.

“I am,” Bill insists. “Doctor E-Eddie said suh-so.”

Bev gently shuts the door behind her. “Doctor Eddie’s also never had his throat fucked before.”

Bill winces. “That’s nuh-not what happened.”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” she hisses. “I’m not an idiot. You have to stop doing this.”

“I’m not doing ah-anything wrong!”

“You protected me from my dad, you think I’m not gonna do the same for you?”

“It’s not th-th-the same. Wuh-We’re just friends, Bevvy.”

“He is not your friend, William.” Bev regards him warily. “I won’t tell the others. But I think you should really think about your so-called friendship with Robert.” Bev turns to re-open the door. At the last minute, she turns back to face Bill. “Stan wants to know if you’re staying over. Ya know, parents out of town. Losers sleepover.”

Bill nods. “Pp-Pruh-Probably.”

Bev smiles softly. “Cool. And think about it, Bill. Alright? We really do want to help.”

And then she’s gone, leaving Bill alone with his thoughts.

The worst part of the conversation is that Bill remembers having the same talk with Bev a little less than a year ago. Their places had been reversed then. Bill had dragged her away from the prying eyes of the rest of the Losers and begged and begged until she broke. She told him everything that night. And he held her through all of it, clutching her to his chest as Beverly Marsh, perhaps the strongest of them all, sobbed into his shoulder.

The memory is still raw, and not one he’s willing to share with anyone. She told the rest of the Losers the next day, but that night had been something private. Something that wasn’t meant to be shared.

It had been one of the most terrifying nights of Bill’s life. Second only to realizing Georgie wasn’t coming home.

The thought almost makes him chase after her, almost makes him tell her everything.

Except it’s not the same. Because nothing’s wrong.

Robert’s not his father. Robert’s his friend. He holds him when he cries, and listens to him when he needs to talk about Georgie again and again and again, and takes him wherever he wants to look for his baby brother, even if he knows they won’t find anything.

He’s sure if he explained that, she would understand. He didn’t understand either at first. But, “It’s just like a trade,” Robert had told him. “Remember how I drove you to town limits? I even bought you lunch afterwards. I do so much for you.” Which, admittedly, is true.

It’s not like Robert’s holding him down or ripping his clothes off. Bill goes willingly, even if he cries afterwards sometimes. But Robert says that’s normal.

“Knock, knock.” Stan’s standing in the doorway now, a piping hot bowl of chicken noodle soup in his hands. “Eddie’s insistent that this will cure you.”

“Mmm. Doctor’s oh-orders,” Bill says, making grabby hands at the bowl.

“Doctor’s orders,” Stan repeats, a fond smile on his face.

He closes the door gingerly behind him before crossing to sit on the edge of the bed, soup balanced carefully on his lap.

Bill looks forward to these moments with Stan. These quiet, intimate moments where it feels like anything is possible. It’s these moments that make him think maybe this godforsaken town is wrong, and the way he feels about his friend is okay. It’s these moments that make him think maybe Stan feels it too.

“Are you gg-guh-gonna spoon feed me soup?” Bill asks as he fumbles to sit upright.

Stan just shrugs. “I mean, you’re sick.”

Bill nods gravely. “Deathly ill.”

That makes Stan crack a smile, but he quickly ducks his head in an attempt to hide it from Bill’s prying eyes. Bill sees it though, and it warms his heart far more than the soup ever could.

“Alright,” Stan murmurs. “Open wide.”

The soup, to put it lightly, is not good.

Out of all the Losers, Mike and Ben are probably the best cooks. But judging by how anal retentive Eddie is, Bill has no doubt that he refused their help. He can practically see him, in his head, shooing away his friends as Ben desperately tries to salt the slowly warming broth.

He doesn’t say a word, but Stan must notice the way Bill’s face contorts as he tries to force the soup down because he murmurs a quiet, “Sorry. Eddie thought adding anything else would take away from its quote unquote healing properties.”

Stan’s always been able to read him like a book. All the Losers are close, but something’s special about his friendship with Stan. Bill’s never had to say a word for him to know exactly what he’s thinking.

“Ff-Fuh-Figures,” Bill says.

“He just worries about you,” Stan says.

“He sh-shouldn’t have to. That’s not his jj-juh-job.”

Stan shrugs. “You would do the same for him.”

Bill doesn’t answer, because he knows it’s true.

At around 1 in the morning, Bill decides he can’t stay over any longer.

He’s got the bed to himself, on account of him being “sick,” but the rest of the Losers are spread unceremoniously across the floor. He has to tiptoe over their sleeping bodies, nearly tripping over Mike’s legs, to get to the door. And, of course, Richie and Eddie are cuddled up directly against it. He nudges them away with the top of his foot until there’s enough distance for him to slip out, which he does as quickly as possible.

He grabs the phone in the kitchen, which he’s sure is far enough away that it won’t wake the others, and quickly punches in the numbers swimming through his head.

The phone rings once, twice, three times. Enough that he thinks maybe he won’t pick up. But right as he’s about to hang up, a quiet voice rumbles through his ear, “Hello?”

“Robert!” he chirps.

“Billy? What the hell are you doing up at this hour?”

Bill gnaws nervously on his lower lip. Of course Robert’s asleep, he should’ve remembered that tiny detail.

“Sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t huh-have woken you.”

“It’s alright, kid,” Robert says. “I’m up now. What do you need?”

“Can you pick me up?” Bill asks, before he can talk himself out of it.

“Sure,” Robert says through a yawn. “You at your house?”

“I’m at mm-muh-my friend’s house,” Bill says. “Hang on, I’ll guh-get you the address.”

Once he’s sure Robert’s going to come, he sets about writing a note for the Losers. He knows there’s pen and paper back in Stan’s room, but it’s too risky going back there, so he settles for digging through the office until he finds what he needs.

He’s halfway through said note when a soft noise startles him. He whips around, half expecting to come face to face with a knife-wielding murderer. But it’s just Stan.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

He’s blinking sleepily, obviously barely staying awake, and his hair is sticking up in all directions. His pajamas are a little too big on him, which is a sudden change from the Stanley that refuses to wear anything unless it fits just right. It’s suddenly too difficult to not imagine Stan in one of Bill’s oversized flannels.

It’s all so overwhelming that Bill nearly forgets to respond.

“What’s that?” Stan asks again, gesturing weakly to the pen in Bill’s hand.

“I - Uh - I’m guh-gonna go,” Bill says. “I just - I dd-duh-didn’t want you to freak out in the morning.”

Stan cocks his head curiously, and it’s so cute that Bill nearly calls Robert to tell him he’s changed his mind. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah,” Bill murmurs. “I’m ss-sorry. I don’t wanna get you guys sick.”

A more honest man would have told Stan that he’s terrified of facing Bev’s wrath again tomorrow. But Bill never claimed to be an honest man.

“Is your dad picking you up?” Stan asks.

“I - Um - I called Robert.”

That makes Stan pause. “You gave Robert my address?”

“How else is he gonna puh-pick me up?” It’s a lame argument, but it’s all Bill’s got.

Stan seems to be at a loss for words too, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. “But - But - Why - I don’t want-”

“It’s ff-fuh-fine, Stan,” Bill assures him. “He’s not even gonna come inside.”

“I don’t know if that defines fine,” Stan grumbles.

Robert pulls up less than a minute later.

Bill scrambles to give Stan a hug before rushing outside to meet him. The summer air keeps most of the cold at bay, but it’s still fairly chilly, so Bill throws himself into the car as quickly as he can.

“Th-Thanks,” Bill says.

“Don’t mention it,” Robert says. He sounds much more awake now than over the phone. “You alright?”

“Mhm,” Bill says. “Jj-Juh-Just had to get out of there.” It’s then that Bill realizes the street they’re on doesn’t go to his house. “Wh-Where are we going?”

“Back to my place,” Robert says. “Figured we might as well just rest there. That alright?”

Bill figures that sounds reasonable enough. “Yeah. Th-That’s alright.”

In all honesty, it is fine. What’s Bill gonna do at home? Sit and stare at his ceiling all night and then not talk to his parents the next morning because they don’t care what happens to him? Sounds fun, but he’ll have to pass.

Bill’s never been to Robert’s apartment before. It’s smaller than he expected, but nice nonetheless. It has a cute little kitchen, a big, comfy couch directly across from an old TV, and huge, open windows. It’s normal. Almost overwhelmingly normal.

Bill almost wants to call his friends and tell them as much. “He’s not a psychopath,” he would say. “What kind of psychopath lives in a normal apartment?”

Psychopaths live in old, run down, abandoned houses in the middle of nowhere. Friendly people who are absolutely nothing like Beverly’s father live in normal apartments.

“You have a nuh-nice apartment,” Bill says, politely.

Robert chuckles lowly. “Thank you.”

Then a hand is being placed on the small of Bill’s back and he’s being pushed farther and farther into the apartment until he collapses into the big, comfy couch. Robert sits next to him, a single casual hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Bill shrugs. “It’s not a bb-big deal. They just...They don’t understand. Ss-Suh-Sometimes it’s hard to be around them.”

It’s not completely true. They’ve lost people before. Eddie lost his father. Mike lost his parents. Stan lost his grandmother just a month or two ago.

But it’s not the same. Because none of them were responsible for that loss.

Robert nods and pulls Bill closer to him, tucking him against his side.

“People who haven’t been through what you have, they’ll never understand,” Robert says. “They don’t know what it’s like to lose someone like that. The bond between siblings is something special, and tearing it apart is one of the most painful things one could do.”

Bill sniffles quietly and shuffles closer to Robert’s side, burying his face in his shoulder. “I muh-muh-miss hh-him.”

“I know,” Robert coos. A gentle hand cards through Bill’s hair. “I know you do.”

“Duh-Does it even get easier?” Bill asks, voice muffled through the fabric of Robert’s T-Shirt.

Robert sighs heavily. “I’m gonna be honest with you kid, not really.” He chuckles softly at the whine Bill lets out. “I know, I know. But you learn to live with it. I miss my brother every day, it’s just a part of my life now.”

Bill twists around to stare up at Robert with wide, starry eyes. “Wh-What was your brother like?”

“Maturin was the sweetest soul I’ve ever known. He always put others before himself, always made sure everyone else was happy. He would give up everything if it just meant I would crack a smile.” He offers Bill perhaps the saddest smile he’s ever seen. “The best of us are truly the ones we lose too soon.”

Bill nods mutely. Georgie was truly the best of the Denbrough family. He was always willing to help out however he could, even as young as he was, and was always happiest whenever everyone else was happy. It almost pains Bill to hear someone else described as the “sweetest soul.”

“I’m - I might guh-go to bed,” Bill mutters. “I’m - I’m pp-pruh-pretty tired.”

“Great idea,” Robert says. As if on cue, he lets out a loud yawn.

“Do you huh-have some blankets I could borrow?”

“Yeah, sure,” Robert says. He makes a show of walking towards the linen cabinet before stopping and turning back towards Bill. “Ya know, why don’t you just sleep in my bed tonight.”

Bev’s words ring out through Bill’s head. He forces himself to keep eye contact. “Why?”

Robert shrugs. “I’m tired, you’re tired, and it’ll take awhile to make up the couch. The bed’s big enough” When Bill still hesitates, he sighs heavily. “Billy, have I ever hurt you before?” Bill shakes his head. “Then what’s the big deal?”

Bill pauses for only a split-second.

“No big deal.”

He follows Robert into the bedroom.

The next time Bill sees Stan, it’s just the two of them.

They’re lounging on Bill’s bed, Bill furiously scribbling into a notebook as Stan watches over the top of his book. It’s peaceful, just being with Stan like this. Something as simple as his presence has always done wonders for Bill’s nerves.

“What are you writing?” Stan asks.

“Re-writing th-the ending,” Bill says. His voice is slow and distracted, but Stan doesn’t seem to mind. He puts down his current book and shuffles closer, peering curiously over Bill’s shoulder.

“The one you let me read at the clubhouse?”

“Mhm.”

Stan lets out a little huff. “How are you torturing poor Sean now?”

Bill finally tears his gaze away from the notebook, instead fixing Stan with an affronted stare.

“I’m nuh-not torturing him!” he insists. “I’m trying to write a hh-happier ending.”

Bill doesn’t know why, but it’s embarrassing to admit. He feels like he’s just revealed some deep, dark secret. But Stan’s smiling, grinning almost infectiously wide, so Bill can’t be too hard on himself. He’s always liked making Stan smile.

“Really?”

He sounds so excited. Bill thinks it’s kind of dumb. He’s half tempted to remind him that, hey, Sean isn’t actually real. He’s just a clump of words on a piece of paper. But Stan looks so unbelievably happy, Bill can’t possibly take that away from him.

“Jj-Juh-Just for you,” Bill says.

It makes Stan smile softly, like he can’t really believe it. “For me?” Bill nods. “I wrote it ff-for you, I can’t give it an eh-ending you don’t like.”

Stan scrunches up his nose, a key sign that he’s deep in thought. It’s cute, and it kind of makes Bill want to kiss him.

“I want Sean to kiss Suzie,” he says finally.

Bill groans loudly. “That’s so mm-muh-much extra work! Now I have to ah-add in a whole romance-”

“What about Jacob?” Stan says the words so quickly that Bill’s almost positive he’d imagined them. But Stan is red-faced and rigid, and that’s all it takes for Bill to know that the words he heard were very much real. “Would that - Would that be okay?”

Bill blinks slowly. Would that be okay? He thinks so. But how would he explain that to his mother if, God forbid, she ever stumbled upon this story?

“Bill?” Stan sounds so small, and when Bill snaps out of his thoughts he can see a sense of terror in Stan’s eyes that he’s never seen before.

“Yeah,” Bill murmurs. “Yeah, that’d be okay.”

Stan doesn’t say anything as Bill continues to write, but he watches him like a hawk. It’s like he’s afraid Bill will change his mind the moment he turns his back. Like he’s scared Bill will retaliate, and that it won’t be unlike the insults Bowers and his goons usually throw at him. The fact that Stan even thinks that makes Bill hot with shame.

“Sean’s buh-better with Jacob, anyway,” he says, just to quell Stan’s worries.

Stan still doesn’t answer, but he does shuffle a bit closer.

By the time Bill finishes the story, Stan looks like he’s ready to implode. It’s about five pages longer than it was originally supposed to be, he still needed to add basically a whole other storyline to make the romance work, but Stan still reads it diligently.

“It’s cute,” he says softly, once he’s finished.

“You like it?”

Stan nods. “Better than the old ending.”

That makes Bill beam, because all he ever really wants is Stan’s approval.

“Look,” Stan murmurs, setting the notebook down gently beside him. He handles it with care, like it’s something worth worrying about. “I’m really sorry I made you do that. I didn’t - I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I ww-wuh-wasn’t uncomfortable!” Bill insists. “It was a guh-good idea, it was cute! I jj-just didn’t know-”

“I’m gay.” And Bill has so many things to say, so many questions, but Stan barrels on before he can get even one of them out. “You probably figured that out, though. Fuck - I shouldn’t have - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean - I didn't mean to make things weird. Really. Can we just pretend like this never happened? I’m - I’m sorry. You can write the Suzie ending. You can just - just burn that one I guess. Fuck. I’m sorry-”

Bill grabs him by the front of his perfectly ironed polo and pulls him closer, closer, closer until their mouths are clashing together. It’s everything Bill’s been dreaming of. His lips are soft, softer than Bill could have even imagined, and it fills every dark, broken, crevice that haunts Bill’s heart with a warm, sunshiny feeling.

Bill pulls away to find Stan wide-eyed and pink-faced. He desperately wants to know what Stan’s thinking, but he’s shocked into a silence that speaks one too many volumes.

“Ss-Suh-Sorry,” Bill mutters. He forces his hands to unclench from around Stan’s shirt. The material is still wrinkled, but Bill figures that’s the least of their worries at the moment. Because, fuck, Stan didn’t mean him. “I sh-shouldn’t have assumed.”

“I mean,” Stan’s fingers lift up to ghost over his lips, “A little warning would’ve been nice.”

Bill’s heart stutters in his chest. “Wh-What’s that muh-mean?”

Stan shakes his head, like he isn’t really sure himself. “You could’ve asked.”

Bill swallows the lump in his throat. “Can I kiss you?”

Rather than answering, Stan lurches forward and presses their lips together in a bruising kiss. And, fuck, this is even better. Stan’s got one hand in his hair, the other gripping his shoulder like he’s steadying himself. The way his lips move against Bill’s leave him lightheaded, and he has to grip Stan’s hips to remind himself that he isn’t, in fact, dreaming.

“Huh-Holy shit,” he says, the words muffled by Stan’s lips.

“Shut up, shut up,” Stan chants. Bill can feel Stan’s lips fumble against his own as he speaks. It makes him just a little bit crazy.

Bill does, in fact, shut up. He drags his hands up to cup Stan’s face, holding his cheeks like he’s precious cargo. The kiss slows but doesn’t stop, turning into something so sweet it makes Bill’s teeth rot.

He pulls away slowly, because it’s just about the last thing he wants to do, but his lungs are starting to ache. Seeing Stan with puffy lips and glassy eyes is enough to convince Bill to duck back in for one last peck before pulling away for good.

“You’re beautiful,” Bill blurts out.

“Oh.”

“And I think I’m in love with you.”

“Oh!”

“I think I’ve always been in love with you. Ever since we were kids. Ever ss-since you waddled into my life as a cute little preschooler and demanded I use the hand sanitizer before shaking your hand.”

“You were covered in dirt,” Stan says weakly.

Bill laughs. A real laugh, from deep in his stomach. He hasn’t laughed like that in a long time.

He tries to go in for another kiss but Stan stops him, a hand clamped tightly over his mouth.

“Wait, wait,” he says. “I need to tell you something.” Bill hums softly against his palm. Stan’s eyes wander slowly over Bill, taking him all in. He looks flustered, but Bill doesn’t think he’s stalling. Taking a mental picture, more like. Bill understands. If there’s one moment he never wants to forget, it’s this one. Then, “I love you too.”

Bill’s spent his entire life trying to perfect the english language. He’s spent years hunched over a notebook, writing and re-writing and writing and re-writing until he’s gotten it as close to perfect as he possibly could. But nothing he’ll ever write will even get close to the perfect poetry that just flowed from Stan’s lips.

Bill grabs Stan’s hand between his own, leaving millions of tiny kisses along the palm.

“Please luh-let me kiss you again,” Bill practically begs. “Please, pp-please, please.”

Stan grants his wish, leaping forward to press their lips together again.

Distantly, Bill thinks this is better than breathing. If there’s one way he wants to die, it’s suffocating with Stanley Uris’ lips against his.

Two days later, no one has seen Stanley in a full 24 hours. A familiar panic has settled in Bill’s stomach. He’s gone through every other possible scenario in his head, gone through every excuse. But on some level he knows, Stan met the same fate as Georgie.

The Losers have spent the whole day wandering around town, hoping against hope they’ll find him somewhere. That it’s all just one, big misunderstanding. Bill keeps half expecting to see him around every corner, waiting for them with an eye roll and a dry joke that lets them know just know silly they were for thinking he had gone missing. He’s never there.

They’re all uncharacteristically quiet that day. Even Richie doesn’t say a word. He just clings to Eddie’s hand and searches with an uncharacteristic amount of diligence.

Bill wants to fucking scream.

He wants to tell Richie it’s okay to talk, it’s okay to joke, it’s okay to be fucking normal. Because nothing’s wrong. Stan’s fine and he’s going to be back any minute.

But, at the end of the day, Bill still finds himself in front of Robert’s door with enough tears to fill the Derry city pool streaming down his face.

“Huh-He’s guh-guh-gone,” Bill sobs.

Robert ushers him inside without another word. He lets Bill bundle up in his bed, pulling the covers up his chin and burying his face in the pillows. Somewhere in the back of his mind he recognizes some form of guilt for letting Robert’s pillows get so wet, but that’s the least of his worries at the moment.

“Billy.” Robert kneels by the edge of the bed. Through blurry eyes, Bill can see his eyebrows furrow in concern. “What happened?” Bill shakes his head. He can’t. He can’t say it. Saying it makes it too real. “C’mon, you can do it. I know you can. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“St-Stanley. He - He’s-” Bill doesn’t get to finish before a fresh wave of tears wash over him. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

Robert scoops him up in his arms, cuddling him close to his chest.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “You’re going to be okay. I’m going to make sure you’re okay.”

And Bill can do nothing but believe him.

Bill wakes up about an hour later to Robert gently mouthing at his neck, his hand gripping Bill’s hip hard enough to leave bruises. Bill grumbles softly and tries to roll away, but Robert tugs him back. He moves the hand on his hip to wrap tightly around Bill’s waist, effectively pinning him against him.

“‘M tt-tired,” Bill whines, voice still sore from crying.

“Had a dream,” Robert mumbles. His breath against his neck makes Bill’s skin prickle, but not in the same way Stan’s lips had. “A good dream. Need your help.”

“Ruh-Robert,” Bill huffs.

Not now, he wants to say. Not after he just got his heart stolen from his body.

“I’ll help you look for Stanley tomorrow,” Robert says. He’s moved on to mouthing at Bill’s jaw. “I always help you.”

Bill’s resolve crumbles. How is he supposed to argue with that? “Ff-Fine.”

He reaches down for Robert’s belt, but Robert catches his wrist in one, big hand and pins it above his head. It has Bill’s heart pounding in his ears and ice filling his veins.

“I have a better idea.”

Bill squirms, hoping it’ll convince Robert to let him go, but all it does is egg him on. He squeezes his wrists tighter, until Bill has to grit his teeth to stop himself from flinching.

“I’ve nuh-never - Wuh-We’ve never-”

“We can look all day tomorrow.”

“I - I don’t know.”

Robert sighs heavily. “A man will only be so satisfied with blow jobs, Billy.”

And, God, Bill just wants to go home. He hasn’t wanted to go there in so long but right now it’s the only place he can think of. He wants to fucking go home. He wants his mom to hold him and tell him he’s going to be alright. He wants his dad to hug him tight and promise to keep him safe.

He just wants to be okay.

“All day?” he asks weakly.

Robert nods. “All day.”

“Oh-Okay.”

The first thing Stan notices when he wakes up is that he’s cold.

The second thing is that it’s dark. Too dark to see anything.

The third is that he can’t fucking move.

His hands are behind his back, rope biting into his wrists. His legs are curled underneath him. He doesn’t think he could stand if he wanted to (which he does, he really, really does) but his ankles are tied together anyway. And his back aches from being hunched over for God knows how long. He tries to sit up straight, but something yanks him back down.

And then he stays there like that for what feels like at least a thousand years.

When a door is finally opened, it’s almost too much to bare. The light is dim, barely there, but Stan still has to squint to get used to it.

And in the doorway is a man. A very familiar man, in fact. A man who knows his exact address after picking up his dumbass friend at 1 in the morning.

“Good morning,” says Robert.

He’s grinning wildly and Stan wants to fucking cry. He wants to sob until his lungs give out, and then he wants to cry some more.

He can feel the beginning of pinprick tears forming behind his eyes, and he bites the inside of his cheek harshly to stop them from spilling out. He may be a coward but he’ll be damned if he lets Robert know that.

“Aren’t you going to say hello?” Robert says cheerily.

Stan doesn’t answer. He’s too focused on other things, like not crying in front of a psycho kidnapper.

“Awe, Stanny, that’s not very polite.”

He crosses the last few steps to ruffle Stan’s hair and Stan fucking breaks. A sob wrenches its way out of his throat, making his shoulders shake and eyes burn. Tears dribble pathetically down his cheeks, landing in tiny puddles on the floor.

“I’m suh-sorry,” Stan manages to choke out. “Wh-Wh-Whatever - Whatever I dd-duh-did. I’m sorry.” He flinches as Robert cards his fingers through his hair, wrenching his head back when his fingers catch on the curls. “Please.”

Stan doesn’t know what he’s begging for, all he knows is that it doesn’t work. Because Robert fucking laughs, all loud and boisterous, as if Stan’s told him one of Richie’s shitty jokes.

“Oh, Stanny,” he murmurs. He moves to grasp Stan’s chin with one hand, squeezing his cheeks and pressing dirty nails into his skin. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had just kept your hands off of what’s mine.”

#IT fanfic #IT fanfiction #bill denbrough #stanley uris #stenbrough #stenbrough fanfic #stenbrough fanfiction #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #beverly marsh #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #bev marsh #stan uris #in conclusion im sorry

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shikai-the-storyteller · 5 years

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Cyberverse Season 2 episode 3 & 4 & 5 watch!

This is going to be a doozy, I can feel it already

Episode 3

YO IT’S WHEELJACK!!! Everyone’s fun weird wild uncle!!

“See, it works great!” *CRASH*

Man it’d be so sweet if Brainstorm was in Cyberverse, he and Wheeljack would get along so well (or they’d absolutely hate each other and they’d be rivals lol. One or the other)

Optimus is so supportive, aww

THE OPENING IS STILL SO GOOD AHHHHH

RATCHET!!! RATCHET!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH

Bumblebee: Hey I saw a weird cat on the moon

THE AZTEC ASTRONAUTS????

A BANANA, TELETRAN PLZ

HOT ROD!!! MY BABY

PROWL!!!!

DEADLOCK!!!!

CYBERVERSE YOU GOTTA STOP HAVING CHARACTERS I LOVE POP UP EVER 3 SECONDS IM GONNA DIE

ARCEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

CYBERVERSE WHAT DID I JUST SAY IM GONNA DIE!!! I DONT CARE IF THEY ONLY GET ONE LINE IM GRINNING SO WIDE MY FACE HURTS

GOSH I LOVE CYBERVERSE

ARCEE AND A GIRAFFE

SHE TOOK SELFIES WITH ALL SORTS OF ANIMALS SHE’S SO CUTE!!!! I LOVE YOU ARCEE

GRIMLOCK NO DONT DRINK THAT

BUMBLEBEE IS SO CUTE...I love his VA so much, he’s so cute, Bumblebee sounds so sweet

LMAO GET FRICKIN REKT PROWL

Way to scratch up the Ark Grimlock

Bee: Your hyper-fuel is way more hyper than your mega-magnetizer is mega Me, tears streaming down my face: You’re such a dork Bee, I love you so much

OH NO HOT ROD NO

WINDBLADE YES

AW Hot Rod and Windblade are so cute and SUCH dorks, they’re so casual and relaxed about this

LMAO WAY TO GO BEE

OH NO HOT ROD

“See you on the other side!” HOT ROD NO!!!!!!!!

LMAO naughty Dinosaurs get confined to the bubble (and Windblade too)

CHEETAH BOY!!!

I love how Hot Rod does a somersault to transform, he’s SO CUTE

Hot Rod and Bee are chasing after this cat and my first thought was “Same”

UH OH THERE GOES HOT ROD, OFF ON HIS MAGICAL ADVENTURE

Episode 4

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE

STARSCREAMGATE

“Who’s storescream?” GUYS PLS

Oh yikes one of those names had kind of a bad word in it??? I wonder if the cyberverse crew caught that

Me, pointing to Soundwave in the background like that one Spongebob meme: THERE’S MY SON

LMAO THEY’RE REALLY OUT HERE ACTING LIKE THEY’RE HONORING STARSCREAM, MEGATRON YOU JERK

Megatron, sounding choked-up with fake tears: Starscream was my closest friend Me: *LOUDLY GAGS*

Megatron’s such a frickin loser I LOVE THIS MORON BUT ALSO BOY YOU’RE REALLY OVERDOING THIS

"Wow, Megatron is really good at lying” 1) HE’S REALLY NOT... 2) YOU’RE LITERALLY NAMED THE DECEPTICONS WHY IS THIS A SURPRISE

“Fail me, and I WILL destroy you” Good ‘ol Megs

Megatron: I need someone to replace Starscream at my side Soundwave: *literally Right There, ready to please, loyal to a fault* Megatron: *walks right by him*

OHOHOHO DANG THAT CONVO MEGATRON HAD WITH SLIPSTREAM WAS SO SO GOOD, I LOVE ME A SCARY MEGATRON!!!!! “See that you don’t waste it” GOOD STUFF

Oh man that little scene where Megatron sits down in his throne and the photo of Starscream automatically gets pulled up and Megatron turns away and dismisses the image is So Good for a variety of reasons, I love the little expressions and emotions the Cyberverse crew puts into scenes where the characters have no dialogue

WHY! ARE! YOU! SO! PRECIOUS!

“Your dramatics are useless, Soundwave!” LEAVE MY BOY ALONE SHOCKWAVE!!!

Wint your boy is bullying mine!!

Gosh I frickin love seeing Shockwave and Soundwave interact THANK YOU FOR THIS CONTENT CYBERVERSE STAFF

Soundwave: I will be the one to bring back Optimus Prime’s head! And then Megatron will finally notice me and love me! Shockwave: For the last time, please stop telling me about your relationship problems

Soundwave: I will be the one to bring back Optimus Prime’s head Shockwave: A highly unlikely conclusion, given your flair for inefficiency Me: IM GOING TO SHOVE SHOCKWAVE INTO A LOCKER, HOW DARE YOU—

Soundwave my sweet boy please kick his butt

I love you Shadow Striker

Shockwave: Sabotage Soundwave’s shuttle Soundwave: BLOW UP HIS FRICKIN LAB

LMAO GOOD LUCK SLIPSTREAM

HOT ROD!!! MY SWEET BOY YOU’RE IN A BAD SPOT

“Oh hey, I’m chasing the moon cheetah, have you seen it?” YOU SWEET BOY!!!!

“Hey this isn’t fair! There’s only two of you!” HOT ROD PLEASE

GOSH when Bludgeon showed up for half a frickin second I was worried they were using Bayverse design for Drift, BUT THEN I REMEMBERED WE ALREADY HAVE DEADLOCK WITH A GOOD NON-BAYVERSE DESIGN AND I’VE NEVER IN MY LIFE BEEN MORE RELIEVED

Man what a good show

THUNDERCRACKER YOU’RE ADORABLE

Hot Rod: Yeah, not everyone may think I’m a genius, but I make up for it with my good looks Me: You sure do buddy

THEY’RE SO CUTE WHEN THEY POUT

*FLASHBACKS TO MTMTE RODIMUS AND MEGATRON BICKERING*

Megatron: HAIL THE ARK! I need to tell Optimus I’ve kidnapped his son

Megatron: It would appear you’re missing an Autobot Hot Rod: Hey Optimus! :D Optimus: *fatherly sigh of disapproval* B/

noOOO THIS IS JUST LIKE THE MOVIE, STOP WITH THE PARALLELS CYBERVERSE YOU’RE STRESSING ME OUT

OMG HOT ROD YOU LITTLE SNOT, I LOVE YOU

Slipstream: THUNDERCRACKER! What’s going on? Thundercracker, mentally: Quick! Play dumb! Thundercracker: Who’s Thundercracker? Thundercracker, mentally: NOT THAT DUMB

Oh shoot are they rebuilding a new body for Starscream or something

Once again, I’d like to state that the explosions in this show are REALLY pretty

THE CHEETAH

Megatron: BRING ME THE KITTY

OH SHOOT Episode 5 is up already?? GUESS I’LL WATCH THAT TOO

Ohh so they’re saying the Allspark caused the ground bridges? Interesting!

I wonder what would happen if someone walked into a groundbridge the same time as someone else walked out.

Uh oh they’re going to run into some problems, they both know where the All Spark is now

UH OH it only took Optimus and Megatron??? HERE WE GO This’ll be fun

I love that the All Spark looks like a giant dnd die with the Triforce on it

YESSSS I LOVE THESE MEGATRON / OPTIMUS PRIME FIGHT SCENES

OH SNAP KITTY CAT KNOCKED OVER OPTIMUS

Oh no they’re going to have to go through trials HOOO BOY THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN

Shockwave: Utilize your seekers Slipstream: Uhhhhhhh right I’ll do that yup I totally know where they are

LMAO Cheetor’s about to do some couples therapy on Megatron and Optimus’ relationship

Cheetor: Before you met Optimus Prime, he was a file clerk. What files was he in charge of? OH SHOOT HE REALLY IS GOING TO PUT THEM THROUGH COUPLES THERAPY, I WAS KIDDING

real talk though, what files WAS Optimus in charge of, now I’m curious

MEGATRON LOOKS SO CONFUSED AND SLIGHTLY OFFENDED, IM CRYIN

IM FRICKIN SCREAMING THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING

Cheetor: Before you met Megatron, he was a celebrated gladiator. In his most famous victory, who did he defeat? Optimus: Oh shoot am I a bad husband???

This screencap is killing me, HE’S LIKE “I REALLY DON’T KNOW” and comparing it to the cap above makes it even funnier, they’re both like “Who the hell is this guy and why is he psychoanalyzing our relationship”

Megatron: How could you not know this??? FRICKIN HELL THIS IS COUPLES THERAPY, OPTIMUS IS ABOUT TO BE LIKE “WELL AT LEAST I DIDN’T FORGET OUR ANNIVERSARY”

Cheetor: What have you learned about leadership from Optimus Prime?” Me, dragging my hands down my face, torn between utter delight and second-hand embarrassment: This is the best episode ever, thank you Cyberverse

MAN for half a second I seriously thought Cheetor dragged Starscream’s body out in alt mode, I WAS ABOUT TO SAY “THAT SEEMS PRETTY DARK”

Oh boy they’re about to get their mandatory “we need a new toy for these guys” armor upgrade, hoo boy

Cyberverse: *Does a close-up of Optimus’ face* Me: I want to kiss the robot

CHEETOR PAY ATTENTION FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE

STARSCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh thank Goodness, thank you for taking their hideous new armor off Starscream

Optimus: I should’ve expected this from you Megatron. How could you bring your new boyfriend to our couples therapy session??? You know how important this was supposed to be!

Lmao Megatron you’re such a hot mess

YEAH I figured the Seekers were fixing Starscream, that’s sweet

OH IT WAS VECTOR SIGMA THEY WERE CARRYING EARLIER, I DIDNT REALIZE THAT

Optimus: I’ve found us a new ally Bumblebee: YOU BROUGHT US A KITTY!!!! Optimus: Uh

OH THERE’S MORE EPISODES UP??? I GUESS I”LL WATCH MORE but I’m making a new post for them, hold up

#i talk #I'm watching Cyberverse #Cyberverse Spoiler /#I'm frickin SOBBING I LOVE CYBERVERSE #CYBERVERSE IS THE TF CARTOON I'VE BEEN WANTING FOR YEARS #primordial robot hell

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snarktheater · 7 years

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Carve the Mark — Part 4 (Chapters 26-29)

Last time, we concluded Part 3 of the book with both out protagonists imprisoned by the antagonist, who had discovered Cyra's plan to have him executed and that Akos had crucial information to take down his mortal enemy as predicted by his fate. How will our protagonists possibly get out of this one?

Well, if you answered "time skip to Akos waking up in a hospital in Thuvhe, safe and sound and with no idea how he got there" and expected that to be a good plot development…you might be Veronica Roth and I have no idea why you're reading this blog, although I guess I'm honored?

But yeah, that's what happens. Part 4 opens with Akos waking up from…coma? Anesthesia? At first, he's having trouble believing he even really is safe, but yeah, turns out he really made it to Thuvhe. Spoiler alert for the four chapters covered in this post: we never find out how he made it out. I mean, we do find out that Jorek is the one who broke him out, but we don't get any details as to how (or why he didn't also break Cyra out while he was at it, because he didn't).

Anyway, back to the present. Akos is in the hospital, as I mentioned, handcuffed to his bed and presumably recovering from torture. Ori's here, tells him he was "dropped" in the city of Shissa, drugged with hushflower to justify his lack of memories. The city, by the way, has only been mentioned twice in passing before as a place of snooty upperclass people, unlike Akos's small, down-to-earth home village of Hessa, I guess. Since all we're going to see of Shissa is this one hospital…I'm honestly not sure I should bother to paint a clearer picture than that.

Ori and Akos's reunion is a little stilted, considering they were friends and haven't seen each other for two years. It feels like 1) an infodump and 2) the book was running out of space for more. On the more positive side, Cisi comes in later, and she gets a more genuine moment with Akos.

“I’m crying,” she said. “What—I haven’t been able to cry since . . . since my currentgift.” “Your currentgift keeps you from crying?” “You didn’t notice it?” She sniffed, wiping her cheeks. “I make people feel . . . at ease. But I also can’t seem to do or say anything that makes them uneasy, like . . .” “Crying,” he supplied.

I guess we should start talking about this thing the book is doing with the currentgifts, since it's becoming an overt theme now. It's clear that the point is that Cyra wasn't the only one whose gift comes with a downside, but all gifts do. Which…I'm not sure how it applies to, say, Aoseh Kereseth's ability to break and mend objects, but it could be interesting.

I have yet to see what point, if any, the book is trying to make, or if it's just trying to make the gifts come with built-in character flaws/weakpoints. I can note that all four characters where we definitely know the downside to their abilities (Cyra, Cisi, Akos and Vas), that downside is that their gift has an effect on them that they can't control, which is interesting in and of itself, I guess. I do have to wonder about the gender dynamics at play here, though: Akos and Vas's gifts passively cut off their ability to experience something (the current and pain, respectively), while Cyra and Cisi's gifts affect them in a direct way (by causing pain and preventing Cisi to express her emotions). I can't really cry sexism, because honestly it's a subtle distinction that I'm sure could be argued any which way and we're only talking about four characters, but it is worth discussing and I hope someone, out there, is having that discussion. Someone other than the author, I mean.

Moving on. Cisi explains to Akos that, since he spent two years in Shotet and was found wearing Shotet armor (that…Ryzek never took from him during his time in jail?), the chancellor of Thuvhe (you know, Ori's sister, Isae) thinks he might be a traitor and spy, hence the handcuffing. And to Isae's credit, she's absolutely right to at least be suspicious, even if Ori and Cisi vouch for him, since neither of them has seen him for the past two years. It doesn't help that, as a protagonist in a YA novel, Akos just will not trust any authority figure ever.

“If you could just explain why you were with [Cyra]—” “I won’t explain. […] I stayed alive, and now this is what I am. Nothing I say to you is going to change what you’ve already assumed.” He was fourteen and irritable again.

Except he's not and has no reason to revert back to a moody teen.

Also, yeah, they know he was by Cyra's side by watching "hacked Shotet feed", but they conveniently can't access those now so Akos can find out if Cyra's still alive and what happened to her.

Enter Chancellor Isae herself, who has nothing better to do with her time because ruling a nation is no big deal or anything. Well, also, her currentgift is to summon people's memories by touching them, and she wants to use it on Akos to make sure he can't lie to her about his time in Shotet. Except, of course, Akos's gift blocks hers, so we're back to square one. And to Akos's credit, he does give Isae information about Ryzek's plan to kill her and Ori, he just doesn't mention his and Eijeh's involvement.

Also, Ori kind of sucks as Isae's body double. For multiple reasons. One, Akos can immediately tell who's who, because Ori wears the shoes of a village girl and Isae wears fancy shoes. Two, they have completely opposite postures.

Seeing them side by side, it was even more obvious how different they were. Ori was slouching, leaning, her face mobile. Isae was carved from rock.

Three, Isae has two giant scars on her face, so they have to wear veils over their faces at all times…except Ori never wears one in any of her scenes, so she doesn't strike me as too concerned with her or her sister's safety.

Anyway, after Isae postures some more about how Ryzek should be afraid of her, and a symbolic dream of Akos and Cyra's last moments together, we cut to the next morning, and Akos decides he's tired of staying in bed. Turns out, he could use his gift to disable his handcuff at any moment, and he decides to do that…and then just walks to the window and stares until nightfall. Um…okay?

Well, that means he spots a bunch of Shotet ships invading the city. Not that that changes anything, since Isae walks in his room almost immediately (are you sure this is the best use of her time in the midst of an invasion?), gives him back his armor and gear, and tells him to follow her out. And yeah, all his gear, including his poisons and the knife Cyra gave him (which the book had all but forgotten about a this point, but now tries to make relevant again?) were with him. At this point I just have to assume that Jorek not only broke him out of prison, but also stole back all his equipment while he was at it, meaning Ryzek's security system is unbreachable when it comes to his own person and shitty everywhere else.

Cisi's here too, and they make their way out together. By which I mean they immediately run into soldiers, Akos tries to use his status in Shotet society to bluff his way past them by claiming he's been sent to kidnap Cisi and Isae. It fails, and doubly so, since one of the soldiers decides to kill him and kidnap Cisi and Isae himself to get a reward (because…insubordination gets rewarded in Shotet?), and another of the soldiers actually recognizes Akos. Well, it doesn't matter, since Akos kills the first one, and the rest of the soldiers just run away, and that's their only obstacle on the way to the hospital, where they board a floater and leave the city.

It's like this book can only have super easy obstacles dispatched near-instantly (like Suzao) or insurmountable ones that the protagonists are doomed to fall to (like the lock on Ryzek's room), there's no in-between, and which is which depends entirely on the needs of the plot and nothing else.

“Steward of the family Noavek?” Isae said. […] “I still don’t trust you,” she said, but she put her knife down. “Let’s go.”

At least I finally have a character I can relate to in this book. Even if the book maybe wants me to dislike her?

Meanwhile, Cisi's shocked that her brother killed someone, which…makes sense, but still irks me, mostly because it feels like a repeat of Akos's own angst and brings the pacing down at a time where it should be picking up and cutting out the padding. The scene does read as genuine, so…maybe I just can't bring myself to care about a character's angst when she's been in, like, four chapters total out of thirty. On the plus side, Isae cuts it short, probably because she's as tired of this angst as I am and/or is secretly me.

You may have noticed that one named character has been conspicuously absent from this whole scene, and as morning approaches, they find out that yep, Ori has been taken prisoner by the Shotet. Because of course she has.

“Well,” Isae said at last. “I’ll just have to go get her, then.”

Again…isn't there literally anyone else who could take care of this? A military, the Assembly? You're the leader of the country, and you know Ryzek is looking to kill you and your sister personally and is only waiting to figure out which of you is which twin to do so, and you'll just…take the bait?

Turns out: yes, that's exactly what she'll do. I have no idea how the Thuvhesit government works exactly, but they don't even bring up the possibility of her using her power as chancellor to get any support. Instead, they fly to the Kereseth family home in Hessa, stay the night there, and leave for Shotet first thing in the morning.

Okay, I am skipping a good chunk of a chapter that is actually spent there, but it's mostly Akos angsting about the life he's lost, about his mother not being there because she's in an "oracle meeting", and Isae convincing Akos to help her at all (by promising to take Eijeh as well as Ori). Also, Cisi decides to come along, so that they'll die together or not at all. No, really, that's her argument; she doesn't even try to suggest she might be useful in any way. But then she has the gall to say she's not taking death lightly because she had to burn her father's body by herself after he died and Eijeh and Akos were captured. Sure, I believe that.

Oh, we also learn that Isae got the scars on her face and lost her mother when she ran into Shotet during a scavenge on Othyr, who…robbed them, I guess? And she goes on to say the scavenge isn't as peaceful as the Shotet claim it is.

For some reason, [Akos] wanted to tell her about where Othyrian medical aid went—to Ryzek’s supporters only—and how few people knew about it. But it really wasn’t a good time to explain Shotet to her, especially not if she would think he was excusing the soldier for stealing medicine and scarring her face.

I'm…not really sure what the point is, here. Akos is trying to make a #NotAllShotet argument, which is actually fair enough because the Shotet people are mostly victims of their own regime, but…Isae hasn't really stated that all Shotet were violent or anything similar. She just stated that the scavenge isn't always peaceful, which, given what we know of Shotet society, seems fairly likely.

This, of course, brings us back to the muddled metaphor that the Shotet represent. I mean, they're a diaspora people, but they're also a totalitarian regime, and now they're also…unfairly maligned by Isae as some kind of metaphor for racism or xenophobia? Maybe? None of these metaphors really work, and maybe I'm just projecting them on a text that just didn't want to be a metaphor for anything? It's just weird.

Also, now that Isae's opening up to Akos, this happens:

Isae had lapsed into some other, more casual diction. Even her posture had changed, spine bent.

Is this supposed to be character/relationship development? Because…it's not.

Anyway, they fly over the Divide with a spare floater (that they totally have somehow), run out of fuel just as they reach the end of it, land, and immediately run into an Armored One, the beasts that Akos crafted his armor from. It doesn't do anything, it's literally just sleeping, so I think it's here purely so the book could infodump about them.

“The current drives Armored Ones into mad rages,” he whispered right against the creature, which had gone to sleep, much as it defied logic. He took a slow step back. “That’s why they attack people, because we’re such good channels for the current.” […] “But,” Isae said, sounding strained, “you don’t channel the current, so.” “So they hardly know I’m there,” he replied. “Come on.”

Yeah, turns out Akos could kill an Armored One because he was basically invisible to them. Did we know this? I can't be bothered to go back and check.

This is where we find out that, while Akos plans to take them to Jorek, as the only Shotet he trusts to ask for help, he hasn't shared that plan with either Isae or Cisi. And they followed him anyway, because…? Didn't Isae repeat multiple times that she wasn't an idiot and didn't trust him? Good thing he just happens not to be a spy, right?

They make it to Jorek's home, in a "hidden village", and Akos meets Jorek's mom, Ara Kuzar. Technically, they have seen each other before, since she was in the audience when Akos killed her husband. But as you may remember, she's cool with that, so she invites them in, without even asking who is traveling with him. And similarly, Isae still doesn't wonder who this woman is. At least she uses the alias "Badha" instead of her real name, I guess?

Fast forward a bit, Jorek comes home with Teka. And…oh yeah, Akos doesn't even know who Teka is, or Cyra's involvement with the renegades! I'm so glad you decided to keep all that from him so we had to slog through an infodump now! Thanks, book!

“Why . . .” Akos shook his head. “Why would Cyra do this [ask the renegades to get Akos out of Shotet]?” “You know why,” Teka said. “What’s the only thing more important to her than her fear of her brother?” When he didn’t answer, she sighed. Exasperated, clearly. “You, of course, have that singular honor.”

Akos, funnily enough, doesn't even comment on that, not even in narration. Because of course. But I'm glad it's out of the way, maybe the book will actually move forward with their romantic teasing now.

With that out of the way, we learn that Cyra is still alive, but she's been sentenced to execution by "nemhalzak". Basically, a chunk of her face was flayed then patched up so she doesn't die immediately, and she's stripped of her rank in Shotet society, meaning anyone can challenge her in the arena. And someone does, every day, until she dies. Lovely, right? Well, Jorek expects she won't last much longer, so they have to break her out fast.

Luckily, Akos immediately comes up with a plan once he confirms that Jorek still has the ship that Jorek used to take him all the way to Shissa. It's a "fast, stealthy" ship, too, so…even better.

So they spend the night, and meet more renegades from the village, Sovy, one of Ara's friend, and Kyo, one of Jorek's. I'll skip over the banter, though I will note that the book is hinting at Isae and Cisi being either very close friends or maybe even romantically involved. Which I would be fine with if it happened.

Also, on a less positive note, this:

Jyo, who wasn’t much older than them, with eyes that looked a lot like Isae’s, suggesting some common ancestor.

Also, that sounds vaguely racist, because you just know what focusing on the eyes and "ancestry" means. You're not fooling anyone.

Jyo also tells Isae about other renegades who smuggle things into Shotet, mostly food and medicine, and I'm not sure where that's going, but it feels like it might be relevant, so…there you go.

Let's just cut to Cyra's point of view he next morning. As we learned, one side of her face was flayed, and while they used special "stitching cloth" to patch it up, her wound is way more severe than what that's meant to heal and it's still bleeding. And it's been days, presumably. You know, I'm pretty that if you don't stop a wound from bleeding within hours, you'll just bleed out, regardless of how much you've slowed the bleeding.

We also learn that her currentshadows have changed too, which was hinted at in Akos's PoV. They're now over her skin, instead of being in her veins, and she has more control over them than before, as we saw during the torture scene. They still cause her pain, but less so than before, so…yay?

Eijeh comes to taunt her while she eats breakfast, because I guess he and Ryzek have exchanged enough memories that he wants to taunt her now? Also, he knows she won't kill him because she's in love with his brother. It's mostly just banter, and Ryzek comes in to taunt her as well, so…what, is it just here to show how much Eijeh has changed?

When I walked past Ryzek on my way out of the cell, I leaned closer and said, “But you would be in a much better mood if your little plan to steal Eijeh’s currentgift had worked.”

You know, I still have no idea why you even had that plot point about stealing Eijeh's gift if he never actually does it. We're reaching the three quarters mark here, if it doesn't happen soon, it's not going to matter much. Why not just use the memory transfer as a way to control Eijeh without having Ryzek hope to steal his gift?

Anyway. Cyra's opponent of the day is Vas, because of course it is, and Ryzek expects her to die today. Also, Ryzek's the one handing her a weapon for the duel, so…of course she grabs him instead and uses her gift on him. Like…what did he expect?

In retaliation, he doesn't give her a weapon at all.

I had no weapon. But it was better to go out this way. By not giving me a currentblade, Ryzek had just shown everyone in this arena that he wasn’t giving me a fair chance. In his anger, he had shown fear, and that was enough for me.

I kind of like this, even though, again, it feels like a tangent. But at least it shows Cyra's quick thinking better than…the rest of the book.

The fight doesn't go well for Cyra, but luckily, it doesn't matter. Pretty quickly into her duel with Vas, Akos literally rappels into the arena from Jorek's floater. He struggles with Vas for a bit, and Akos's gift neutralizes Vas, causing him to feel pain for the first time in years, which disables him long enough for Akos and Cyra to escape back onto the airship. And…yeah, apparently there was no other security around, except for a force field around the arena that Akos also disables with his gift. Wow, that was easy.

And so we end this chapter on a…sweet reunion?

“Eijeh was in the amphitheater, he was right there. You could have grabbed him. Why didn’t you—” His mouth—still under my fingers—twitched into a smile. “Because I came for you, you idiot.” I laughed and fell against him, not strong enough to stand anymore.

Just fucking kiss already. Like, with no angst afterwards. I'm getting bored of your indecisiveness.

#carve the mark #veronica roth #book reviews #ya books #young adult #books #young adult books #ya #reviews #book #book review #review #st: carve the mark

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littlellamalittlelion · 8 years

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My Little Baby Llama - Part 11

N/A: I’m sorry it took too long. I can’t write when I’m in bad shape, and trust me, I’ve met my worse these past few months. But I’m back now, and things will get better :) Enjoy the chapter!

For those of you that might be a bit confused, this fic is happening around the end of January/2016. Before the tour dates release.

Words: 3400+

Disclaimer: Nor Dan or Phil belongs to me, and while I wish I had a Lizzie in real life, I do not have one either.

Masterpost

Dan’s POV

I need Phil. Things get harder when he isn't around. It has been only six hours since he left to his house back in the North, for his birthday celebration with his family, and I already feel like I can't do this alone anymore. The problem isn't Lizzie, she is great, and she is taking things so much better than I thought she would. The problem is me. I don't feel like I am strong enough to deal with everything that is piling up over me if I'm alone.

I know I shouldn't be codependent on Phil, or anyone else for that matters, but in the middle of the mess that I've been thrown into, I just can't stop feeling that I'm not enough.

I'm not enough of an adult, to be a good single father. I'm not enough of a son, to make sure to keep my mom informed about everything that is happening. I'm not a good professional enough to prepare a world tour by myself while Phil is having a weekend off. And I'm not a good friend enough to let Phil have a weekend off without feeling jealous of him. For the past 20 minutes I've been pretending to be a prince, ready to save it's princess from the beast protecting her castle, but I can't stop thinking that I'm not enough of a prince either, I can't save anyone.

"And booom! You died." Said Lizzie, trowing my prince doll on the floor.

"Wait, what?" I ask, pushing my attention back to our little play.

"You died. You weren't paying attention and the monster caught you." She said, pointing to the monster in our little game stage.

"But who is going to save you, my beautiful princess, from this oh terrible monster?" I make my worst Shakespearean accent, to make her laugh.

"I'm a strong independent princess, I don't need a prince to save me." She said placing her hands in her waist. Clary taught her right.

"So why did you ask me to be your prince, my warrior princess?" I joke, getting up from my sitting state to a one-knee position, to bound to her. Instead of laughing as I thought she would do, she held her head down. "Hey little llama, what's wrong?" I ask, trying to get into an eye to eye position with her, but she made it even harder putting her little hands in her face.

"I wanted you to play with me because you haven't been with me anymore. I wake up and you are not with me in the bed, you're with uncle Philly. When I want to play outside, you don't go with me. When I want to have ice cream, Auntie Louise or Nana takes me out. When I'm hungry, Uncle Philly makes me pancakes. When I need a shower, you tell me that I am a big girl and you don't help me much. Why don't you want to be with me anymore, Daddy? Is it because Mommy died and you don't like me without her?" She asked with her sweet voice, breaking my heart.

"Of course not baby llama. Don't you ever think something like that again. I love you so much, you are my little bottle of light in life, I will always love you and want you around." I pull her into my arms. "Nana, Phil and Louise are just trying to help."

"I don't want their help, I want Daddy." She cries.

"Daddy is right here honey, I promise you that I'll never stop loving you or caring about you."

"So why don't you ever go out with me?"

"I don't know honey. I think I was too afraid of what people would say or do when they found out that you exist. Some of the people that likes me and uncle Phil, they don't actually have their heads in the right place. They want to know our address to wait outside in the streets, wondering around to pretend they were just passing by. They want to invade our privacy and make a huge fuss about it. They don't know you exist yet because if they did know they would probably follow you to school, try to kidnap you just to have a picture with me and Phil, or do something even worse just to post on Twitter that they know where we live and they have pictures with us or something like that. I know it's not fair with you little llama, but I'm scared of them."

"I don't understand Daddy."

"I know you don't, but you will one day, and you'll probably hate me and all of my fans when you do, but right now I just can't make myself trust them with your life, because I don't trust them with mine yet."

"I would never hate you daddy."

"I'll hold you to that in the future." I hug her even stronger and then I let her go. "Now, who wants to watch some cartoons eating popcorn?"

“Can we have some jelly too?” She asked, smiling and getting up from the floor.

“We don’t have any jelly here Lizzie, we can make some tomorrow.” I answer, trying not to make her sad again. “Maybe, maybe we can go out for some ice cream later, what do you think?” That might be my worst idea ever, but the smile in her face makes it worth it. She agrees with her head, starting to pack her toys. “Great! Go put your toys in the box in our room, and I’ll make the popcorn.” She obeys, grabbing everything and running thru the hallway, “Don’t run!” I scream to her, but she is already far. I move to the kitchen to start making us the snack, and my phone rings. It’s Phil on Facetime.

“Hello!” He says, when his face shows up in my phone. “I’m home!”

“Yep, you told me that hours ago in your text.” I answer, placing my phone in one of the cabinets so I could look for the things I needed. “How was the train ride?”

“Crazy! There was this weird kid next to me, I thin she was possessed by a ravenous hamster or something like that.”

“What? A ravenous hamster? Why?” I ask, stopping everything I’m doing, in shock. There are just a few things in life that shocks me, most of them are things that happens to Phil on a daily basis.

“Well, she was eating cheese, non-stop, while making weird rodent noises. And she used her knuckles to push food from the back of her teeth to the front of her mouth. I’m telling you, she was possessed.” His face was priceless.

“So, what scared you the most? The rodent noises of the non-stop cheese eating?” I ask, returning my attention to the popcorn on the microwave.

“The cheese eating, for sure.” He laughs. “So tell me, what have you two been doing since I left?”

“Well, we watched some cartoons, played a bit, Lizzie spread cream cheese all over your bed, now I’m making some popcorn to watch some movies. You know, same as always.” I joked, but with a serious face, trying to prank him a bit.

“CREAM CHEESE? You’re gonna clear it! I don’t care if you were the one to do the laundry, you’re gonna wash it.” He was mad.

“I’m joking Philly. You’re bed is safe from the white creamy mess, don’t worry.” I laugh.

“Safe from ALL white creamy mess? You know, I’ll be mad if I get home and there is some white shit in my sheets, we just washed it.” He joked back. I can’t let this opportunity pass.

“I can’t promise its clean of all the creamy mess, you know, first time in weeks I have a room to myself.” The eyebrows raise has the intention of trowing him off, and its effective.

“Ew Dan, no! Disgusting mental image.”

“You started it.” I say, laughing taking the popcorn out of the microwave and placing it into a bowl. “No, wait, I started it. Forget about it. So, how’s your old room? Still smelling like a funeral home?”

“Thank God no. Mom didn’t put flowers on it this time. I miss my plant friends, but I’m happy that my room doesn’t smell like a 90 years old lady.” He looks around to make sure his mom isn’t hearing him, once he is sure he is fine, he returns the attention to Dan in the phone. “Where’s Lizzie? I miss her already.” He asked. I look around me in the kitchen and I don’t see her. I asked her to put her toys away, but she’s too quiet now, and that scares me. I leave the kitchen without picking up my phone, so I can search for her. I scream her name around the house, but she doesn’t answer me. I look around my room, around Phil’s room, the lobby and at the bathroom. I can’t find her. My heart is almost umping out of my chest, when I find her asleep in the sofa-bed at the office. I wait for my heart to pick up a normal pace before remembering Phil on facetime, at the kitchen.

“Sorry Phil, I just panicked for a second.” I say, entering the kitchen back. Phil is standing in the middle of his room making a mess with his backpack.

“What happened? Where is she? I was about to start packing to go back home.” He said as soon he saw that I was back.

“She is just sleeping, at the office couch.” I say, finally relaxing too. “She didn’t have a nap time today, I completely forgot.” I grab my popcorn and move to the lobby. I’m barely sat at the couch when Phil starts screaming at me.

“Dan!!! I left you my to-do list. Its in the fridge door. She needs at least an hour nap everyday, usually around 3pm. And we play in the backyard around sunset, when the lighting is bed over there, and people can’t see who’s there. I told you she would miss that! You have to do both of our jobs while I’m out.” Phil made sure to let me know. “Wait, why are you crying? Dan? Why are you crying? TALK TO ME!”

“You are screaming at me because I’m a horrible father.”

“No, no, no, you are not a horrible father Dan. You are an amazing father, you just need to do both of our jobs for a few days, and you are not used to it.”

“Its not your job. I’m her father, I’m supposed to be able to do all of this by myself. I’m supposed to know a ll of it, and to do all of it everyday. If I didn’t have you, I would have to deal with all of this by myself, but I can’t. I don’t know if I can. I don’t know how to be a single father Phil, I don’t know how to take care of a child without help. My dad was right. She needs him and my mom, my brother, her aunt, and everyone that she can get around her. We are not enough for her. She needs a stable house, not two guys who needs to check the sunset time to plan the hours to go out with her without fans noticing us and destroying her future.” I take a long breath before continuing. “I don’t think we can do it, I don’t think we should do it. I don’t feel like we are doing the right thing anymore.”

“STOP. Dan, just stop. You are letting your fear talk over you. We have been over this, we can do it. You can do it. You are an amazing father and I am pretty sure that Lizzie prefers to be with you than with your parents. You are her favorite person in the whole word, Danny, and you are completely able to raise your daughter, even if I wasn’t on board to help you with this, and I am, you could handle it just fine."

"What if she doesn't want me to do it?"

"Dan, Lizzie is loving it. She loves our flat and London, she is sad because of her mom, of course, but she is really happy there with us. She wants us to do it, and she needs us to be consistent with her caring. We can't keep moving her back to your parents house everytime you feel that this is too much. As you've said, she needs an stable house, and as long as we continue taking care of her, as we have been since we've got back home, she will have one."

"I wasn't talking about Lizzie." I say, making a pause, but Phil waits for me to continue. "I was thinking about Clary." I swallow my tears before continuing. "We have never talked about Lizzie's guard in case of her death, or mine for that matters, and I have no idea if she would approve this arrangement of ours or not. Maybe she would prefer my parents to raise Lizzie. Maybe she wouldn't like the fact that Lizzie is growing in a big city with so much danger and craziness around her. Maybe she would like Riley to have her, we don't know. How can I do something without knowing?"

"You are letting your fears talk again. You need to be rational. Remember that Clary grew up without both of her parents and she always said that she would do anything for the opportunity of having one of them with her when she was growing up. Of course she would want you to be with Lizzie, there is no doubt there." Phil tried to put some sense in my thoughts, noticing that I was losing it. "If that is not enough to make up your mind, think about the way you were raised and the way you want your daughter to be raised. You have great parents, but you really want Lizzie to grow up with their beliefs and way to see the word? You know that their generation isn't the most liberal that exists and the small town way of thinking isn't the greatest one for nowadays children. Do you really think that this is what Clarisse wants for her? Not trying to judge your parents, but do you really think that you dad's beliefs on the LGBT community is what you want your daughter to have?"

"No, of course not. I want her to be a good human being. That is why I keep thinking that I may not be enough, that I might do something wrong and destroy her future. I don't want to do that."

"So don't do that. We are humans and we are bound to make mistakes, but you can try your best to not cause any harm with yours." Phil said, making his point. "I need to go in a few minutes, mom needs help with dinner since Martyn and Cornelia are coming too. She keeps asking about you and Lizzie. She doesn't accept the fact that you are not coming to my birthday."

"I'm sorry. I really am. I wish we could go, but there is no way I can get in a 4 hours train ride with Lizzie and not get outed to the world."

"Well, she misses Lizzie. She still talks about the fact that we took two years to tell her, but she is so in love with that kid that I think she would prefer having Lizzie here for my birthday, than having me."

"Well, what can I say? She got my charm."

"And Clary's charisma, that's a fatal combination." He agreed. "You should go wake her up, or she won't sleep during the night. Try to take her out of the house for a few minutes so she can have some air and play a bit. I'll go help my mom and we can talk before bed."

"Alright, have fun with your family."

"Thank you. Bye Dan, I love you." He says, warming my heart.

"I love you too." We disconnect.

I finish eating my popcorn and cleaning the mess we've made, before waking Lizzie up. We decide to go out for that ice cream we were talking about earlier, I make sure to put a nice hoodie on, and cover her with jackets, before going out in the cold air of London. As soon as we step outside we notice that today isn't probably the best to go out for ice cream, since it's snowing.

"Hey Lizzie, how about a hot cocoa instead of ice cream?" I ask her, while holding her little hand on the streets. I'm afraid of everyone that passes by. I have a hoodie on and glasses, and I expect not being recognized since I have a kid with me, and Phil isn't by nmy side, but I'm always worried that someone will notice me and destroy Lizzie's life.

"I love hot cocoa. After that can we go ice skating too?" She asks, looking up to make a Pussy in Boots face.

"Yes, we can do that." I answer, trying to think of a nice ice skating rink where I might be able to stay incognito. The snow is getting stronger so I put Lizzie in my arms and get us a cab, instead of taking the tube. Precautions are never too much.

"Hey daddy, can we buy uncle Phil a gift?" Asked my baby girl, when we were safe and warm inside of the cab.

"Yes, of course my baby girl. What do you want to get him?" She thinks for a few seconds before answering.

"Do you think we can get him a baby girl too?"

"Wait, what? A baby girl? Why?" I'm kinda in shock and don't actually know what to answer.

"Yeah, like you have me. You once said that I was the best gift that mommy ever gave you, and I wanted to give uncle Phil the best gift ever. Do you think we can get him a Lizzie of his own?" I choke on air when I understand what she is saying.

“I don’t think that is possible Lizzie.”

“Why not?” Great question, why can’t I give Phil a daughter?

“Ahm… I… That’s the thing Lizzie, to get a baby you need a mommy and a daddy, and it takes time, love, and I lot of things that hopefully you only will learn about in 10 years or so.” I hear the cab driver laughing at me, and I try not panic with the face Lizzie is making at me. “What about a plushie? We can get him a plushie! He will love it!”

“Like Miss Llama?” She asks, completely over the other subject, for my happiness. “I don’t think he will like Miss Llama.”

“And what do you think he will like?” At this point I’ll buy her anything she wants to give Phil, anything to stay out of the babies subject.

“A LEGO CASTLE! He gave me a Frozen Castle for Christmas, and mommy always said that we only give gifts that we would like to get ourselves. I want to give him a lego castle. Can we get it for him Daddy?” She asks, really excited.

“Yes, of course! We will get him a lego castle, tomorrow morning, okay? Now lets go get that hot cocoa so we can bust our asses in ice later.” Did I just said ass to my four year old daughter? “Wait, forget I said that, don’t tell your mom… Don’t tell uncle Phil I said that.” I correct myself before she notices it, the cab driver is still laughing when the car stops. I make sure Lizzie has a nice cup of hot cocoa, and that she is really protected from the ice when we start skating. It took us over ten falls, and an almost broken arm, on my side, to get us out of the ice rink, and straight to a nice fun restaurant, close to the apartment.

Lizzie fell asleep in my arms before we got home, and I made sure to take her out of the wet clothes and into nice warm pajamas, before putting her to bed. I make sure to call Phil and let him know that everything went right during the day, before taking a shower and opening my computer. But nothing was right when I logged on my twitter account, and pictures of me and Lizzie were all over my mentions, all over the internet.

I think I’ll pass out.

Part 12

#my baby little llama #my little baby llama #dan and phil #phan #phanfiction

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shelleyrobbinsus · 6 years

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Anti-theft hacks while traveling abroad

People always ask me, âBut is it safe traveling abroad.â

Of course, itâs a valid question, whether youâre traveling to Mexico for a resort vacation, to Costa Rica with the family, or undertaking your first adventure all the way across the world in Thailand.

And, no matter where you are in the world â your hometown or far off in a foreign destination â you need to exercise common sense and basic awareness of your surroundings and situation.

So, how do I answer these nonstop inquiries about personal safety abroad?

First off, I flip that sh*t by asking them if itâs safe in THEIR country. Often, that means the U.S.A., which is met with a. curious response where they go to answer, pause, start thinking about school shootings, random muggings, and skyrocketing theft and violent crime, and they stutter as their whole worldview crumble right in front of my eyes.

I then comfort them by offering my humble opinion â that thereâs generally two types of crime or harm that could come upon someone: random street crime or political/religious crime or terrorism.

Looking at the latter first, we always want to avoid countries, regions, and situations where youâre a target because of someoneâs political, religious, or military ideology. This includes religious extremists, kidnappers, narco-traffickers etc. For instance, driving through Mexico as a couple of U.S. dudes is NOT smart â and certainly not adventurous. Itâs just asking for trouble. Or, in the Philippines where I live, I know that in the far south, they love kidnapping white Americans and holding them hostage for ransom and then cutting their heads off anyways. So, I simply avoid those areas. I also wouldnât go to North Korea on a vacation and start passing out bibles or stealing mementos. Get it?

However, no matter where you go in the world, youâll face the possibility of being a target of street crime. Pickpocketing, car break-ins, mugging, scams, bag thefts, druggings, gang problems, shakedowns, and just about every other kind of grift known to man can and will go down at any time.

While there are areas of the world and certain countries that are more dangerous than others, it usually holds true that the bigger the city and the more impoverished the area, the more crime youâll encounter. Also (unfortunately), the more tourists that are in an area, the higher the crime rate usually spikes because there are people who come specifically to target those foreigners and visitors.

For instance, when I first moved to San Juan del Sur, Nicagarua in 2012, it was still a sleepy, close-knit local community where just about everyone knew each other, and therefore people were more or less held accountable. Of course, Nicaragua is dirt poor and has a violent past, but, once I got the lay of the land and met the locals and showed love and respect, it was all good. The same can be said of Cambodia, an insanely poor Southeast Asian nation that went through one of the worst genocides in history in the 1970s. Living there from 2013-2016 or so, I found that although people are desperately poor, itâs still a relatively safe place IF you exercise common sense and caution.

Of course, this is all just a generalization, and you never know when a random mugger or dude on drugs or hungry hotel thief or angry ex-boyfriend or any other calamity will cross your path.

So, Iâve come to follow these basic tips or hacks as I travel and live abroad, no matter where I am in the world. I genuinely believe they have helped keep me safe â and, I hope, will continue to do so! (Knock on wood.)

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1. The first safety tip may catch you unaware, and thatâs because Iâm urging you to batten down the hatches back home before you go travel. Whether youâre in a house or an apartment, being away on vacation or traveling for extended periods is the perfect time for opportunistic thieves (who are usually watching and casing you ahead of time) to rob your abode. Weâll cover more on this in another review, but make sure to go through all the necessary safety precautions, so you donât come back to a house thatâs been ransacked and emptied of valuables. 2. The vast majority of crimes perpetrated against you while traveling abroad are meant to part you from your possessions, not against your person, and usually entailing subterfuge and speed, not physical violence. Therefore, once you properly secure your things and shift your mindset to ALWAYS paying attention, youâll be as safe as can be.

3. Start with luggage locks. Get the combination kind so you donât have to worry about keys, and make sure they are TSA approved. Put these luggage locks on your big checked bag(s) of course, but also on your backpack compartment that holds anything valuable like a computer, passports, etc.

Pickpocketing and purse/backpack snatching are no joke when youâre abroad, and they operate with lightning speed and precision. But, if thereâs a lock on it, youâll deter nine out of every 10 would-be thieves.

4. I also put the things that are REALLY valuable like my wallet, passport etc. in a smaller, tucked away, or hidden pocket within my backpack, that has a zipper or Velcro hopefully. That way, if someone gets a quick reach into your bag or even slits it with a razor so they can reach inside, it will be way harder to get the stuff that really matters. You can even purchase a little zippered pouch and sew it to the inside of your backpack.

5. That being said, I also tie a brightly colored handkerchief, string, or whatever around my bags and my backpack to easily designate it as mine. Not only will you be able to see it easily on the luggage conveyor belt, but it will be more noticeable and draw a little more attention, which is also a psychological deterrent to thieves.

6. That being said, the moment you get to your hotel, put your wallet, credit cards, passport, computer if possible, and whatever else in the hotel safe. Why wouldnât you?

7. But if you donât have a safe, where should you hide stuff? You have to see it through the eyes of a hotel room thief who is probably sneaking in and scanning the room quickly for valuables before bolting before they get discovered. Therefore, Iâll put my laptop or valuables inside a pillowcase, high up on the top of the dresser or wardrobe above eye level, or the like. In a pinch, Iâll put my things inside the trash can, with the trash bag covering them. What thief would check the trash AND take the bag out?

8. You can wear one of those money belts if you want, but thereâs an easier and more comfortable place to stash money or cards. I throw them in a Ziploc (in case I step in a puddle) and put them under the sole of my shoe.

9. Donât tempt fate by wearing expensive jewelry, watches, while youâre abroad or carry designer purses, etc. Youâre just asking for something to be snatched.

10. But, usually, I donât feel I need that, although I do like having shorts or pants with zippered or button pockets, which really deters pickpockets.

11. If you rent a car, park someplace where thereâs an attendant and tip them when you arrive â not when you leave. Make sure NOTHING is inside the car when you leave it, including the trunk to be safe.

12. Make copies of your passports, credit cards, passwords, travel documents, etc. and email them to yourself as a backup. Or, you can have a flash drive that you keep in the safe but make sure itâs password protected because those are so easy to lose.

13. Even better, have an encrypted storage app like KeepSafe, which allows you to house documents, passwords, photos, etc. on your phone but only accessible with a password login.

14. That being said, you should also turn on your FindMyPhone or Hidden or other device location apps when abroad.

15. Donât go to the bank machine at night. Use ATMs inside hotel lobbies or malls, not out on the street.

16. If youâre ever in a taxi and find yourself in a position where you have to trust them, like if youâre running into a place to use the bathroom etc. while he waits, simply snap a photo of his (or her) taxi ID, and then the license plate outside. But take your backpack or handbag with your laptop, passports, cash, and cars, etc. with you at all times.

17. Speaking of that, get a good backpack with double zippers and attach those small TSA-approved luggage locks. Donât put valuables in the front pocket where someone could access if they razor-bladed your bag.

18. Women need to be especially careful. Never accept drinks from men at bars. Donât ever go alone or split up, and donât go out on the beach at night in most places â thatâs where a lot of bad things happen. Ask locals and staff if itâs safe. Actually, this applies to men, too.

19. Donât charge things. Pay cash. While using a debit card or credit card is the norm in the U.S. or Canada, itâs not in many countries abroad, and itâs way too easy for someone to copy your signature, run a double receipt, or just get your card info. Seriously â it happens a lot.

20. Know local emergency numbers and your hotelâs number and program them into your phone. Make sure all family members have phones they can use. Get a cheap local prepaid phone if you donât want to carry around expensive iPhones. Know where the hospital is located and carry medical information like any allergies, blood type, and insurance info.

You want to have fun while vacationing and traveling, and staying safe is essential for that mission! Keep your head up, stay aware, follow your instinct, and ask trusted locals to help you!

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