#like why complain about not getting any new info and then throw a tantrum when someone adds actual info

[justanotherteentitansblog]

Poolside bbraeweek21 day 2

(So this fic is actually based on my headcannons for BB and Rae’s Future kids, Phoenix and Mavis. Phoenix is 6 in this and Mavis is about 1 ½ I have another fic during this week that features them but background info Phoenix has her dad’s powers and Mavis has her moms but Mavis has cuffs on her wrists that block them because a toddler with emotion based powers is a recipe for disaster. That should be everything you need to know before going in.) 

“MOOOOOM!” Phoenix complained as her mother was trying to get sunscreen everywhere her bathing suit didn’t cover. 

Raven continued despite her older daughter's protests, “Oh, I’m so sorry I don’t want you to get sunburnt. I’m the worst mom in the world, they should throw me in jail.” 

“Can I even get sunburnt?” 

Raven paused, that was actually a good question. She’d have to ask her husband about that one later. “Do you really wanna find out?” 

“I wanna go play in the pool!” 

“And you will, if you can be patient for five minutes while I get the rest of this on you.” 

Phoenix huffed but complied as her mom finished applying sunscreen to her emerald skin. 

“Go, but no morphing into salt water animals, just because I know CPR does not mean I want to use it.” 

“Ok!” Phoenix shouted behind her as she ran into the Titans tower pool diving in feet first spraying droplets of water on her mother. 

Just then, the door to the roof slammed open and Gar appeared carrying Mavis over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. 

“Why is it that trying to put my children in bathing suits is like trying to wrestle baby alligators?” he grumbled before Mavis kicked him in the face with a jelly shoe. 

“At least Phoenix can dress herself now,” Raven replied. 

“Ok, Rae” Gar said, handing her a wiggling giggling Mavis, “You can do this, I believe in you!” 

“I’m going to need more than your belief Gar, I’m going to need a miracle.” Raven said, placing the girl in her lap as she squeezed sunscreen into her palm. 

Raven attempted to work quickly before Mavis could realize what she was doing but it was too late. Mavis immediately threw her head back and arched her back as far as it could go to get away from her mother. She kicked and screeched and bit at her mother in an attempt to get away from her and the sunscreen. Succeeding only twice as Mavis was like a greased up pig at this point. Eventually Gar had to step in and hold his screaming child down while Raven rubbed the rest of the sunscreen into her skin, all whilst Mavis was screeching at the torture she was being made to suffer. 

Finally finished with her work, Raven and Gar let Mavis go while she ran and threw herself down next to the pool, now able to throw a proper tantrum. 

Door to the roof opened again revealing the rest of the former team along with the new titans as they filed out. 

Cyborg stood at the door, hands on his hips glaring at the couple, “Yo what did you two do to my baby!” A long time ago this sentence would’ve meant the T Car but now exclusively meant Mavis whomst Vic had a huge soft spot for. 

“We dared to put sunscreen on her.” Raven deadpanned. 

Vic picked up the crying child and held her to his chest shielding her away from her parents, “Well don’t do it again,” he narrowed his eyes at the empath. 

“Yeah Raven, how could you?” Gar added in sarcastically moving to retrieve his child from his best friend before she could push any buttons on him and blow everyone up. 

Kori softly chuckled at her friends' interactions as she approached with Mar’i in her own arms. 

“Raven, would you like me to watch over the little ones so you can have some time to yourself?” 

Raven stood stunned for a moment, alone time was a rare treat and one she didn’t take lightly since having children and here Kori was offering it up like it was nothing. She could cry, she could’ve kissed Kori at that moment! 

Gar was more hesitant however, “Are you sure, Star? Mavis is a handfu-”. 

“Thank you so much Kori!” Raven interrupted shooting her husband a dirty look. HIs overprotectiveness was NOT about to ruin this rare opportunity for her. 

Gar sighed but handed over Mavis to his friend and threw himself in the pool identically to the way Phoenix did spraying Raven with more water this time. Raven didn’t care though as she had already started lounging in a chair near the poolside with a book she kept in her bag just in case a rare opportunity like this occurred. 

Gar swam over to Phoenix who was at this point testing out different freshwater fish she could turn into whilst doing laps. Upon seeing her Dad she morphed back into a girl and swam to meet him. “Dad! Dad! Look what I just figured out!” she shouted before morphing into an green lizard-like creature with fuzzy antennae on the sides of her face.  

“Good work Nix, and that is called an….” 

She morphed back into a child to answer, “Axolotl, a freshwater anphi, anphoebe, ambphibi,” 

“Amphibian” Gar chuckled out. 

“Yeah that one, and it comes from mexico.” 

“You got it kid!” he said, giving the girl a high five. 

Much to her delight her Dad then picked her up and threw her over his shoulder into the water. Phoenix emerged from the water, squealing “Do it again!” and he complied, throwing his child again and again as she cackled at their little game. 

As much fun as Gar was having as well, he knew something was missing and that something was his wife. He knew how much her alone time meant to her, but with having the kids the time he had with just Raven was far and few between. 

Phoenix swam back over to her Dad to get thrown again when he grabbed her up and whispered in her ear, “Hey Nixie, ask Mom to come in with us.” 

Phoenix looked over at her mother fully engrossed in her reading at the poolside. “Mom doesn’t want to get in the pool” 

Gar rolled his eyes “I know but she’s more likely to say yes to you than me.” 

Phoenix regarded her mother lounging again, Phoenix really wanted to get ice cream after the pool and she knew that was more likely to happen if her mother was in a good mood and reading definitely put her in a good mood. 

“No.” she said, staring at her Dad straight in the eyes. 

Gar narrowed his eyes at Phoenix and threw her over his shoulder again but with less mirth this time. 

Gar swam to the edge of the pool near Raven gave her his best puppy dog eyes, “Hey Ra-” 

“No.” she said without looking up. 

“Come on! I just want to have fun with you!” he complained. 

Raven tore her eyes away from the book in her hand to glare at her husband, “Who stays home with the kids?” 

Gar sighed at the familiar argument he always lost, “You do.” 

“And when you’re on set, you get breaks right?” 

“Yes” 

“Do I ever get a break from being the mom?” 

“No” 

“So when I get a get a rare break, I’m going to enjoy it to the fullest, Gar” 

Gar pouted and looked up at his wife, “but I miss you.” 

Raven sighed and grumbled something to herself about him being as bad as the kids. “I promise we can do something together after the kids go to bed, but right now I really just want to read my book.” 

Gar's ears drooped but he resigned, “Ok, enjoy your book Rae.” 

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Raven smiled. 

Gar offered a half smile, still disappointed but deciding it was best to give her space. 

 Meanwhile Kori was sitting with Mavis and Mar’i on a beach towel while the girls were playing with toys. Mar’i was trying to wrestle the plastic elephant out of Mavis' hands whilst Mavis kicked and screamed at the other toddler. 

“No, no, please girls no more fighting,” Kori implored the children. 

The two girls had done nothing but fight since Kori had brought them over and she was at her wits end. She hadn’t truly understood what Garfield had meant by Mavis was a handful until this moment. 

Mar’i had finally ripped the toy out of Mavis’s hands and threw it into the deep end of the pool. Mavis, outraged, bit the half tameranian on the arm leaving deep teeth marks. 

Kori was shocked and scolded Mavis whilst running to get the neosporin for Mar’i. 

Mavis took this as her opportunity to go retrieve her elephant and waddled her way over to the pool's edge. 

Gar was throwing a beach ball back and forth with Phoenix when he saw something that made his blood run cold. Time stood still as he watched his youngest daughter trip over the edge of the pool and begin to fall in. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe, all he could do was panic as he watched her tiny body disappear into the deep end. 

“MAVIS NO!” he screamed, willing the inevitable to stop. 

Raven’s eyes tore away from her book and it was discarded in an instant as she sprinted to where her daughter had fallen in jumping in without a moment’s hesitation. Mavis had barely been in the water for a few minutes before rising to the top, struggling and splashing to keep herself afloat as Raven snatched her up and breathed a sigh of relief that she came back up quickly and didn’t try to inhale water. 

Raven clutched a sobbing Mavis to her chest, shaking and attempting to stop herself from thinking about what could’ve happened. Gar swam over to examine the pair and make sure everyone was ok before hugging them both. Phoenix swam over as an axolotl to the deep end and cocked her head to the side in silent questioning at her mother. 

“Everyone’s ok Nix. Thank you.” Raven replied, finally calming down at the same time as Mavis. 

Gar smiled at Raven and then began to chuckle. 

Raven narrowed her eyes at her husband, “I fail to see the humor in this situation Garfield!” 

“Good Job, Mavis. You somehow got your mom in the pool!” he said through his laughter. 

Raven’s eyes glowed with black magic as she sent a tidal wave crashing over her husband whilst holding both of her girls to her. 

[riacte]

Idk if it’s just me but Reddit is pissing me off more and more. It literally was Not like this in Season 1.

Someone made a Fruitninja meme and the replies were all like “I don’t understand why everyone is so obsessed” and “honestly this duo doesn’t seem like the type I would go crazy for” (funnily enough that person had a “More Dream and CPK duo please” role).

I get that it’s tedious seeing the same meme over and over again for many months, then… just go off the subreddit lmfao. I was fucking TIRED of the Reddit being spammed with MCCP Pink with barely any info on the other teams so I just. Stopped looking for a week.

“Honestly fruitninja doesn’t seem like the content I would go crazy for, not saying it’s bad but I won’t go crazy” nobody asked. Literally nobody asked. It’s not even a constructive “there are too many Fruitninja memes and it’s tedious to scroll through the same thing every hour, can we agree to stop posting so much?”. I don’t care about the popular Dream and Tommy duo (because I don’t watch them) but I won’t go into posts about them whining “i DoNt liKe TheM I’m NoT liKe tHe oTher ObSeSsiVe McC fAnZ”. Just scroll pass.

Also I don’t think people understand satire and hyperbole. (English) Internet humor is pretty much always exaggerated. “Step on me” doesn’t mean you literally want someone to step on you. “Fruitninja or we riot” doesn’t mean we’ll throw a temper tantrum and cancel Scott and boycott MCC, it means we’ll just make memes and move the fuck on. Like someone a while ago took “do not separate” literally when it mostly means “this group of people are close to my heart and I like watching them interact” instead of “I do not allow them to Make New Friends”. Please… don’t take everything literally.

I understand if people see the “whining” and “complaining” as stupid, unnecessary, and immature, but… it’s just exaggerated. All those memes are supposed to make people laugh, so we exaggerate them to make the situation more ridiculous than it really is. It’s not like we’re spamming Scott’s inbox with Fruitninja. It’s not like we’re sending death threats to anyone. We do not expect anyone to take those “fruitninja in mcc17 I believe” posts seriously. It’s literally just exaggeration for our enjoyment, for the fandom’s enjoyment. It’s not that serious. At most, it’s just annoying to scroll pass, but many things are annoying to scroll pass.

Although to be fair, it probably is confusing seeing all these pretty strong language, especially for people who aren’t native in English. Maybe I’ve just spent too much time online that I get used to all the exaggeration.

This is why I vibe on tumblr, we don’t take things too seriously.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #226: AN EYE FOR AN EYE

December, 1982

“Beware the -- EVIL EYE!”

Okay but which one though?

Because I’m pretty sure that Black Knight is carrying the Evil Eye but Balor probably has a pretty evil eye. Plus, that title.

I like the black/white tv static like background for this. I dunno why but it feels very fitting for whats going on.

That has been ART COMMENTARY with me.

Last time on Avengers, the Avengers were minding their own business when Dr. Druid burst into their meeting, hypnotized them, and kidnapped the team minus Iron Man by shooting smoke out of his chest eye.

The Avengers ended up in Crusade Times in Avalon where Black Knight and Amergin needed help fighting the Fomor of Irish mythology who were awfully mad that Amergin did a colonialism to them.

The team managed to kick some Fomor ass for the most part after they applied the barest amount of strategy (although the Fomor Dres escaped through Amergin’s eyes) but then biggest, buffest Fomor Balor was freed and he wiped out She-Hulk and Thor in a blink. Also, Dres escaped to the present day and he’s going to kill Dr. Druid! -crickets- Which will strand the Avengers in the past times forever!! -crowd gasp-

Are Thor and She-Hulk totally dead forever? Can anyone stop Dres from conquering the future aside from the one thousand other superheroes?

No and yes.

This time:

... That’s an unbearably smug Hawkeye on that pillar of team roster. 

Dres gloats to a trancing Dr. Druid because villains love to hear themselves talk. And also love a captive audience. And aren’t too fussed about active listening.

Dres: “You were a fool, Doctor Druid! You sought to ensure the safety of this world -- but instead you have sealed your own destruction! Who can help you now? The Avengers? They battle my demonic brethren in legendary Avalon, eight centuries gone! The golden one -- in the grip of the hypnotic trance you placed him into? You yourself, who are in a trance that allows you to sustain a mystical path to the past -- through which I came to this time! Why waste breath? He is insensate, and unaware of the danger that overwhelms him! By his death, I will trap the Avengers forever in the past -- and unleash my power on this unsuspecting world!”

I like how he becomes self-aware of how pointless it is to do a villain rant to a guy who can’t hear you and then just keeps going anyway.

Anyway, here’s why you don’t do that, if you’re a villain.

(This is a free tip to any aspiring villains out there)

Thor and She-Hulk just pop into existence randomly just as Bres is finally going to actually do something.

She-Hulk mentions that they were just fighting a one-eyed giant which lets Bres put together that they were fighting Balor and why they’re here now.

Bres: “A giant? My cousin Balor, no doubt, whose glance disrupts all spells -- including that which held you in Avalon!”

And then instead of just killing Dr. Druid when he has the chance (Thor and She-Hulk aren’t even looking at him when they appear), Dres runs over and clocks Thor right in his face.

(Another free tip for aspiring villains here: do not clock Thor in the face)

Sooooooo, I’m of two minds here.

I expected Iron Man being left behind in a hypnotized trance was for this. That he’d come to somehow and stop Dres.

On the other hand, Thor and She-Hulk appearing out of nowhere to fight this guy because Balor inadvertently screwed over his cousin’s plans is pretty hilarious.

Also, pretty lucky that the time-travel spell was disrupted first, snapping Thor back to the future. If Thor had been fighting Balor on his own time, who knows what his malefic stare would have done to the enchantments on Mjolnir.

That’s a fun plot bunny.

Anyway, you wouldn’t think that Bres could stand for long against both Thor and She-Hulk. Thor was kicking Elathan’s ass and Elathan was the boss Fomor.

But Bres blasts She-Hulk away and then uses magic to tear Mjolnir from Thor’s grasp. Without Mjolnir, Bres and Thor are on more equal footing. Also that whole thing where Thor is going to turn into a powerless mortal in sixty seconds, which will put them on very much unequal footing.

She-Hulk decides she’s useless in a god fight, based on how much a glancing blast hurt. So she ducks behind Iron Man and uses her unconscious teammate as cover.

Pretty cold, She-Hulk!

But then she notices that Bres’ magic is splashing off Iron Man like magic water off an iron duck.

So she has a really good idea.

She picks up the unconscious Iron Man and throws him at Bres.

I’ve changed my mind. I’m glad that things shook out exactly this way.

So Iron Man hits Bres in the ass like a missile at about the same time Thor punches him in the shoulder.

Under this synchronized and silly assault, Bres folds like a sack of potatoes, with Iron Man slumped on top of him.

With Bres out cold, his spell keeping Mjolnir away fades, letting Thor retrieve his favorite hammer.

Looking ahead, Iron Man doesn’t show up for the rest of the issue and neither does Bres so I assume they just leave Iron Man laying on top of Bres to keep him out of trouble for the rest of the story.

Iron Man is going to have a bunch of questions when he wakes up.

Despite taking care of Bres, Thor realizes that they can’t go back in time to help the other Avengers because Dr. Druid remains entranced. So they’ve got to sit on their thumbs and hope that the Avengers do okay without their two strongest members.

Well they’re doing.

Not quite okay but not dying either. That’s pretty good against Balor.

Hawkeye has the bright idea to shoot Balor in the one eye with a smoke arrow so he’ll stop shooting death beams at them.

I don’t mean for that to sound sarcastic, it really is a bright idea.

Meanwhile, in the halls of Avalon (considerably less cool than the ones of Justice), Black Knight is ditching the plan to go help the Avengers and Amergin is unhappy.

But Black Knight is like nuts to your happiness, it was Black Knight’s idea to bring in the Avengers so he’s not going to watch them fight alone just because Amergin says so!

He has a flying horse! He can do what he waaaaaaaaaaaants!

And he takes off on the flying horse, which is something he has.

Amergin: “Your chivalry will be the death of us all!”

Hey, that’s no way to talk about a man with a sweet flying horse.

Black Knight and his sweet flying horse arrive in time to see Balor randomly blasting the ground and complaining because the Avengers are no fun.

Balor: “Puny flesh-things annoy Balor! Balor lives for fighting! If you will not fight -- go away!”

Balor is a guy of diminishing returns. He’ll never be cooler than that moment right when he wiped She-Hulk and Thor from existence while barely noticing he did it.

The fact that we’ve seen them pop up unharmed doesn’t help.

Black Knight attacks Balor, assuming he killed the Avengers and he wants to avenge the Avengers because if the Avengers need avenging someone needs to avenge the Avengers.

And Black Knight gets almost instantly slapped off his sweet flying horse because its Black Knight.

The Avengers were fine. They dove into the mud to hide from Balor but now they have to launch into Emergency Rescue Procedure which is something they’ve totally practiced! And its totally a procedure they specifically have for situations where they only have Wasp, Hawkeye, and Captain America.

Because its PRETTY SPECIFIC.

Hawkeye shoots two parachute arrows (Something that he just has, why question it? Its like Batman’s utility belt in his quiver) to slow Black Knight’s fall.

Wasp buzzes around Balor to distract him because being small and vaguely distracting is something she’s practiced around 200 issues for.

And Cap jumps up and catches Black Knight to further slow his fall.

They specifically have this specific emergency rescue procedure in case a man dressed as a medieval knight is falling off a flying horse due to a giant cyclops. For this specific situation.

Anyway, the sweet flying horse is doing fine too. Nobody needed to catch Valinor. He took care of himself.

On Black Knight’s suggestion the Avengers do a strategic retreat, all piling on Valinor and flying away as Balor shakes his fist and wonders who he’ll fight now.

Valinor doesn’t look thrilled at carrying three grown men, to be honest.

He deserves to be a Pet Avenger for his hard work but alas. No respect for Valinor.

Elathan and the rest of the Fomor creep out of wherever they were hiding and Elathan presents Balor with an offer.

Elathan: “Join with us, monster, and you’ll have fights for the picking, as many as you want!”

He tells Balor that there’s a whole new world beyond Avalon that they can raze and that Balor can destroy to his heart’s content.

Mmmmmmmm. I don’t like this. If Elathan can just talk Balor into joining the Fomor then all the build-up about how Balor was too dangerous to friend as well as foe kind of falls flat.

I’d really have preferred something where Balor becomes a third side unto himself plus maybe Cethlann as the Fomor and the Avengers have to sort of work around him.

But we get what we get.

Balor’s much smaller wife Cethlann tries to tell Balor to not trust Elathan but Dulb and Indech threaten to stab her much if she doesn’t shut up.

Poor Cethlann. Sure she’s evil but also she has no friends on team evil and her own husband is barely aware of her.

And of course Elathan is planning to betray both Balor and Cethlann after they win because villains be like that.

This is a whole lot of Fomor interpersonal drama info we’re getting in these two issues.

Meanwhile, within Avalon, Hawkeye is throwing a mini-tantrum about how bad things went.

Hawkeye: “Face it, Avengers! We blew it! Those Fomor clowns have us outnumbered and outpowered!”

Captain America: “We’re not finished yet, Clint -- and I’ve seen more than one apparent loser win the war!”

Geez, Clint. Settle down.

Amergin agrees. Particularly because the Avengers have played their unknowing part in his secret master plan perfectly. I mean, except for the part where Thor and She-Hulk died*.

(*They’re just fine, true believers)

But the plan always was for the Avengers to force the Fomor to release Balor because Amergin’s Evil Eye looking weapon needed a power source to power it and Balor is just the one.

No clue how the Avengers would react to being manipulated like this because the Fomor start attacking again and Amergin plops to the floor and then teleports away to confront them.

Outside the gates of Avalon, Balor’s DEATH BEAMS are making short work of Avalon’s defenses.

Then Amergin shows up standing on top of the walls, waving the Evil Eye, and telling the Fomor to get off his lawn. Well, basically.

Amergin: “Do not seek to taunt me, Elathan! Once I drove you and all your allies before me, and one could resist my might! Do you wish to see that day again?”

Elathan is like ‘yeah well you’re old’ and has Balor strike him down with an EYE BEAM.

Elathan: “Farewell, old enemy! None will mourn your passing!”

Ice cold, Elathan.

But, nah, Amergin isn’t dead so easily. In fact, This Is All According To Plan.

He climbs out of some rubble holding an Evil Eye which now glows with an awesome power.

And when Balor tries to EYE BEAM him again, Amergin absorbs Balor’s power into the Evil Eye.

Amergin: “You have always placed too much stock in your supposed power, Fomor! I too have loved power too much -- but I am wise enough to turn an enemy’s strength against him!”

Balor finally seems aware of Cethlann, asking her to make the pain stop. Cethlann, being Cethlann and not here to be helpful, points at whats happening and starts talking about how screwed they all are.

Elathan tries to jump the distracted Amergin but he is a noun and therefore when he opposes Captain America’s mighty shield, he must yield.

Even if he didn’t know that he was opposing Captain America’s mighty shield. Thems the rules.

Elathan decides ‘hey fuck this human a little bit’ and uses magic to make the Earth start growing up around Cap. As he’s swallowed up, he throws his shield at nothing.

The Avengers end up squaring up against the Fomor. And to Hawkeye’s irritation, he ends up facing Dulb again.

Wasp tries to block the tathlum balls but. Yeah. They’re still magic and dodge around her just to mess with Hawkeye.

Meanwhile, Black Knight realizes how stupid this entire plan was.

Black Knight: “This isn’t working out -- I was stupid to get the Avengers mixed up in this! What happened to Hercules, Iron Man, the Vision, the Scarlet Witch... all the people who were Avengers when I was a member? That’s who I wanted!”

Huh! That’s a good point. Black Knight would have no idea who the current Avengers would be and that line-up would have been a lot stronger for this situation.

(Of course, Iron Man is on the team. He just can’t join because magic reasons)

Black Knight goes to save Captain America but when Captain America throws his mighty shield, all who oppose his shield must yield. Including the Earth.

When he threw his shield at nothing he was really planning a ricochet to free himself.

Good work, Cap.

Meanwhile elsewhere on the battlefield, Amergin is still absorbing Balor. And he’s so totally focused on draining every drop of Balor’s power that he has no defenses against Elathan zaming him in the back from behind. Which is exactly what happens.

Meanwhile meanwhile, Wasp comes up with a plan to turn the tide of the fight. And as a side-benefit, make Hawkeye’s day a little less annoying.

She dzats Dulb in the face to get him pissed at her and throw his tathlum balls.

AND THEN SHE FLIES INTO TETHRA’S MOUTH

Thank god this isn’t the ultimate universe.

Anyway, this makes the tathlum balls hit Tethra right in the face and knock him on his ass.

So, on the one hand. Very effective plan and good thinking, Jan.

On the other hand, that’s gross. That’s gross what you just did.

Black Knight notices Elathan attacking Amergin. Cap tells him to go help the wizard while Cap holds off the other Fomor.

And then Cap immediately runs away.

Because he needs to think of a plan. Unluckily, one presents itself.

Cethlann is lurking around the wall of Avalon and when Cap runs by she grabs his foot.

Cethlann: “Not so fast, human! Cethlann wants to play with you!”

Cap thinks off his foot and flipkicks her into gooey, gooey Indech, gumming both Fomor up. Neither of them are thrilled by this.

Also, Cap, don’t be rude.

Over at Amergin, Elathan decides it will be both hilarious and ironic to leech Amergin’s life, as the wizard was draining Balor.

Black Knight jumps in to save Amergin, his cursed sword reflecting Elathan’s magic. Which is a handy feature. I had thought the Ebony Sword’s curse mostly thirsted for blood and made Black Knight brood. Anti-magic is a significantly nicer feature.

Elathan has a counter-plan though! Black Knight’s arms are going to get tired eventually and when they do, Elathan is gonna git him!

But Amergin realizes that he’s lost the Eye and that Balor has found the Eye. And Balor wants his power back and obviously thinks that the Evil Eye works like one of those Capri Sun drink pouches and just tries to squeeze the power out. Into his mouth.

Even though Amergin tells him not to do this thing!

Anyway, yeah. It explodes.

That’s not how Evil Eyes work and it explodes.

Balor is disintegrated by this (and oof Cethlann in the background looking distraught at her husband’s death).

The Fomor take off for the portal to Crusade Era Earth, telling the Avengers that they stand no chance with Amergin dead, because he’s probably totally dead, forever.

Black Knight finds Amergin (who is dying and not quite dead) while Wasp tells the Avengers to Assemble. To the portal to stop the Fomor.

Hawkeye thinks its a little cold to just leave Amergin to die but Cap points out that they can’t really do anything for him that Black Knight couldn’t.

Although, I’d argue that with Black Knight’s anti-magic cursed sword, he should head to stop the Fomor and someone, probably Hawkeye, should stay behind to do last aid. But it’d be a dick move to suggest that so lets let it be.

Black Knight digs Amergin out of the rubble and the dying druid wizard tells him that he won’t last the hour but that there’s still hope.

As catastrophically dumb it was that Balor tried to squeeze the Balor power out of the Balor sucking device, it did the trick. Balor has been completely converted into energy and is stored in the Eye.

Except its too much power and now whoever uses the Evil Eye will be destroyed.

Black Knight: “I’m just borrowing this body, Amergin -- my real body is stone rubble eight centuries away! Tell me what to do -- I’ll do it!”

.... I’d argue that the fact that you’re not in your own body means you shouldn’t be so quick to sacrifice it! What happened to the original occupant??

Amergin: “Yes, my son. You... must. Though it means your death. Find the Eye! This broken body has one last spell left in it! You will have your sword and horse in the next life, brave knight. Where all things are restored!”

Well, that’s a nice consolation to a heroic sacrifice. Your extremely cursed sword and sweet flying horse are going to heaven with you. Or maybe hell. You did do a Crusade, for fun.

Meanwhile, the three remaining Avengers show up to thwart the Fomor from exiting Avalon.

Ethalan: “Again? You are tenacious fleas!”

Hey, didn’t we just have a whole recruitment story because of the Avengers being shorthanded? Now they’re at three. Stupid magic, excluding Iron Man from the fun.

Hawkeye starts the futile hold the line strong, making me slightly sorry about making fun of him a little earlier.

He fires a sonic arrow because sure the Fomor are beefy sacks of magic beef but high pitched noises still hurt and distract. Maybe more, what with their elf-like ears.

Hawkeye: “If you liked that one, you’ll get a bang out of my patented exploding arrow!” -Elathan explodes the ground at his feet- “Or maybe not.”

Hah.

But maybe next time, shoot first and gloat later.

So Hawkeye is knocked out, leaving just Captain America and Wasp.

Wasp: “This isn’t working out so well, Cap! What do we do now?”

Captain America: “The only thing we can do -- keep going until we can’t go any further!”

Yeah, he can do this all day.

Not very effectively. But at least all day. He tries to wade through Thethra and Indech but he gets caught by gooey gooey Indech. And also Dulb helps.

Elathan is about to step through the portal to Earth when he spots someone on the other side who flings him away from the portal.

THE BLACK KNIGHT!

Amergin used his last bit of life to cast a spell to plop Black Knight over to the other side of the portal so he could stop the Fomor.

The Fomor say that Black Knight won’t strike with the Evil Eye if the Avengers are in the thick of it but Cap tells Black Knight to just go ahead and do it anyway, because that’s what Cap be like.

Black Knight: “I was ready to seal off the gateway at cost of my own life -- but not that of the Avengers! I can’t handle the power of the Eye... I’ll destroy us all! I - I’m sorry... my friends... I’m sorry -- but I don’t even have a choice!”

And then he explodes. Because he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

When the explosion fades, there is but a tranquil field, some Balor residue. And a skeleton where the Black Knight had been.

Welp.

Oh, and the Avengers are fine.

Captain America, Wasp, and Hawkeye pop back to Avengers Mansion. With the spell ended, they rubber-banded back to the future.

So they also get to see that She-Hulk and Thor are fine! They didn’t really have time to mourn them in the heat of the action so now they don’t have to. The superhero life. Always hoping your friends will turn out to be actually alive before you have to grapple with mortality.

Dr. Druid wakes up to Explain Everything now that everything is over with.

Hawkeye mentions hey maybe ask before you fling someone into the past to save the world maybe, huh?!

Dr. Druid: “In other circumstances, I would have asked -- yet your intervention allowed the Black Knight to triumph!”

That doesn’t sound like an apology to me.

Hawkeye asks what happened to Black Knight so Dr. Druid opens up a scry to reveal the skeletonized Black Knight.

Geez.

But before the Avengers can really grapple with mortality, the scry shifts by itself to Garrett Castle and the pile of rubble that is all that was left of the Black Knight statue.

The rubble moves by itself and reassembles into a Black Knight shape AND THEN unstones.

Black Knight: “What?! I - I’m home! That’s what Amergin meant by the next life! His... final... gift!”

Hey, not bad!

Sure, I’d have liked Black Knight do more grappling with him being stranded in the past without a future body to return to but that exceedingly long plot point of Black Knight being turned to stone finally has a happy ending!

Doubly so because Black Knight’s sweet flying horse is with him, as promised.

Hawkeye wants to contact Black Knight to celebrate but Dr. Druid suggests that they give him some space.

Dr. Druid: “The Black Knight has just come back from death. He thinks he has gone against principles and brutally murdered his friends to achieve his ends. Let him know you are alive, but give him time to adjust. When he is ready, he will come to you.”

That’s.... good advice actually.

You don’t just let him think you’re all dead because its easier than picking up the phone (X-MEN) but you let him cope at his own pace.

Maybe Dr. Druid isn’t such the Worst Avenger after all.

And then he leaves because he’s not much for mingling, telling the Avengers “until we meet again, my friends” which I feel is jumping the gun a little bit.

You just met these people and spent maybe two minutes total with them.

So Hawkeye isn’t just being sour when he says “Don’t call us, Curly -- we’ll call you.”

Just slightly sour.

So!

Two-parter fill-in between runs focused on the Black Knight!

It was okay.

Like I’ve said, I like Black Knight out of proportion of actually reading anything with him in it. I think I just like him in concept. High-tech knight cosplayer who falls assbackwards into a cursed magical family heritage when he just wants to be a scientist knight.

I feel like the two-parter doesn’t actually have enough of Black Knight in action? He sort of stays out of things for most of the first issue and doesn’t have a lot of action beats in the second? He gets a heroic sacrifice that also ties off his plot cul-de-sac of being in the past so there can be new Black Knight content in the future, if anyone cares to use him. So that’s good. I just wanted more Black Knight content.

Fomor are okay as antagonists. I feel like we get pretty deep into their interpersonal dynamics despite them not being in a lot of stuff outside of this two-parter. I appreciate that they had individual powers and looks so that they’re more memorable than the Zodiac at least who only have one of those sometimes.

Also its nice? To get Irish mythology in something? Its probably less accurate even than Marvel’s takes on Greek/Roman and Norse mythology but I learned a thing. Mostly about tathlum balls.

Speaking of not being in a lot of stuff, what about Bres? He gets knocked out with an Iron Man to the butt and then just disappears to the off-panel.

Well, the Avengers dumped him on Project PEGASUS which used a machine to keep him depowered. A power failure let him make an escape attempt and he tried to get Super-Skrull disguised as a child to kill Iron Fist but couldn’t even manage that and got locked back up. That was in 1985 so who knows what happened to him after that, what with all the nonsense that happened to Project PEGASUS over the years.

I don’t knows and neither does marvel wiki.

Next time on Essential Avengers, not Avengers. There’s a Spider-Man I need to do to make things make sense.

Follow @essential-avengers​? Maybe? Like or reblog? Possibly? Enjoy the posts either way?

[archivepolarisornah]

The meeting | Hayden

A walk around town always done him some good to regain control of his temper whenever he few off the handle. The incompetence of some of the men under the rankings almost astounded him if it didn’t already infuriate him to no end. Hayden slipped a cigarette into his mouth and sparked a match to light it, drawing in a deep breath in an attempt to soothe his damned soul. Passing the other establishments in town, he headed towards the social hub of Mount Olympus. He approached all sorts of commotions coming from inside and out of the bar and drinks flowing meant money was steamrolling in. Hayden finished his smoke and made his way through the parting sea of customers to the front of the bar.

James had a habit when it came to having a free day, and that was enjoying a drink. However, he couldn’t recall things being this busy last time he came to check out the club. Rather it was pathetically empty that very first time that he even ended up leaving early. This sudden change was both unexpected and unwanted. He found himself sighing as it took ten minutes to even get a bloody drink now. His patience was running rather slim.

Should have gone for a drink at home. He muttered to himself, inaudible throughout all the noise. As he turned, drink in hand his eyes crossed with a particular individual. He gave him a simple nod. He knew too well that respect is something earned, and it wasn’t like him to be impolite without reason.

Hayden walked straight behind the bar and was handed a drink by one of his lackys. He must admit, they’ve been trained well enough to give him something without him even asking. He stood back and watched the crowd growing around the bar. Drinks and money being exchanged like rapid on the stock market.

He spotted James and gave him a respectable nod. He had nothing against the man and they’re paths never quite crossed enough for them to ever become more than acquaintances but Hayden wasn’t going to burn bridges unless he had good reason to.

Deciding to step in and intervene, Hayden lifted up the side of the bar and motioned for James to come in. There was a separate space in the back for people that wanted to drink and socialise in peace without the drunken animals surrounding them. He figured he owed the guy the gift of keeping his sanity instead of leaving him around screeching customers and blaring music.

James couldn’t help but roll his eyes as the customers pushed and yelled and most of them were drunk way too quickly. He couldn’t believe that one of them just finished a beer and already clung to one of his pals as if they were love-struck teens. Oh lord.

He did, however, get distracted when Hayden returned the nod and James smiled, seeing he got a drink himself. Hayden had quite an air around him that just either scared you, made you immediately respect him or lured you in.

When he made a movement for James to follow, James did just that. Wondering if the air was also reflected in the way Hayden talked to others. It wasn’t as if he didn’t understand that air. But it certainly made him curious.

“Well this is certainly a lot more quiet.”

Hayden turned and leaned against the bar now that they were away from the rowdy crowds. “Yeah, this area is for business people and the fair few that I believe deserve peace and quiet to enjoy a drink.” he shrugged.

Reaching into this pocket, he pulled out a cigarette and lit one up, breathing out a cloud of smoke “Smoke?” he asked, holding out his packet to offer James one out of courtesy.

“So what brings you into my bar, its not often you’re seen around here. Those employees of yours finally drive you mad?”

“It certainly looks like a great place to hold discussions.” At the Neverland hotel, that would be his office, and that at times lacked the professionalism since Tina and Peter decided they could walk in at any time. He should consider putting a lock on that door. For his own sanity as well.  “Then I certainly am glad to have received the believe I belong to those people.” He smiled.

“Yes, though I smoked more when I was younger.” Age started to catch up on him and he’d try to lessen.

“You reading minds now?” He couldn’t contain an eyeroll but eventually had to nod. “Threw Tina in the pool so the tantrums are worse. Peter is well Peter.”

“Well you certainly put it to good use, it makes me want to expend my own office.” James couldn’t help but smile. Fun guy that Hayden, pretty easy champ to talk to huh? “Of course, ever since I was a child I knew that I had to earn money.” Not everyone got to knock on daddy’s door asking for help when in trouble. “Been with a certain crowd in my youth, you got to start somewhere.” Especially as an orphan.

“Guess you can do stuff like this as well.” He inhaled deeply just to blow out some smoke and to inhale it. “Back in the day that used to be a thing, smoke tricks such as the ghost inhale.” He rolled his eyes. “We don’t remain forever young but old habits don’t die easily.”

He rolled his eyes. “To be fair I could have done worse than throwing her in a pool while jumping along-” He could have dropped her alone. “And you know her she is a trouble maker. She thought she could flirt with me to turn me into an embarrassment. She was also pretty drunk.” He shrugged. “The water sobered her up quite quickly.”

“Smoke tricks. There’s a throw back that shows our age” he smirked “Nothing wrong with ageing. Whiskey and wine age well” he shrugged and motioned to his bartender to bring over the bottle and leave it next to them.

“Wait you jumped with her?” he asked “Why is she complaining, you jumped in too.” He didn’t see the problem but then again he also knew that if he did that to Megan that she would hit the roof “Trouble maker is a terms I’m most familiar with thanks to Megan.” It seems like James and himself had the same issue with trouble making staff “Well you were being considerate sobering her up.”

“Yes, we are officially ageing well.” James returned the smirk. “With age comes wisdom, after all, can’t say the kids at my place have plenty of those.” He nodded. “Can’t say no to a good whiskey.” He was more hard liquor than refined wine, but he could appreciate both.

“Didn’t know if she could swim.” He would have to jump after her if she couldn’t. “Because it’s Tina?” That should be reason enough, she could complain about anything if it included James. “How is Megan doing?” He didn’t care in particular but it wasn’t bad to keep this small talk going. “True, I’m a nice guy after all.” He wasn’t always but one could say he improved a little from the time when he was fresh out of the orphanage.

“Couldn’t agree more.” he said raising his glass “I can’t speak for you’re lot but I can assure you, mine definitely don’t.” he replied, taking a swig of his drink. He poured them both another glass and placed the bottle to the side of the table.

“You didn’t know?” he repeated, a smirk crossing his face. He wasn’t going to lie, it was funny. Hayden figured that it wasn’t James’ fault that Tina didn’t find it funny, but he sure as hell did. “Megan is Megan. Too sarcastic for her own good and a pain in my ass.” he shrugged. She was of no concern to him but the deal they had is what tethered them together. “Isn’t that what employees should thank their employers for after all. We’re considerate people.”

“Well, I can’t say I hate it when people agree with me. I feel like at work that’s a rarity. And one of the issues of the agreement is working in itself. I swear the amounts of times I want to kick out Peter is rather pathetic, but I can’t abandon the kid.” He sighed. “He got lucky to have a roof and food above his head without paying rent- I know if I request it from him he’ll just run away and I am not in the mood to chase his ass.” Honestly, if it wasn’t for Tina he wondered if he would have been this patient with him.

“I wasn’t sure no, and the little princess seemed like she was scared so, safety first I suppose.” She was as red as a lobster and cursed his whole being. It was fun, though the anger afterwards wasn’t. She could be so moody at times, and then she would surprise him by lowering her walls. “She is a trouble maker.” And yet he was fond of her. “Yeah, I found her phone number on the floor - seems like someone threw it away. Well, I suppose we both know the pain in our ass when it comes to working then?” A tiny smirk came on his lips.

“I couldn’t agree with you more, I’d say we are the most considerate people in the whole joint.”

“That’s true. The down side of working with idiots and kids.” he shrugged “Kids these days will never know the value of money and hard work. We didn’t get things handed to us and nowadays most of them expect everything to be given to them for free.” Hayden’s age truly showed at times, even he had to admit that.

“Fair enough. At least you cared enough to give a thought about the girls safety. That was more of a thought than I would have given about it.” To be honest, Hayden would have let anyone who annoyed him enough to drown but he figured that most people had a conscience. “I’d throw it away too” he muttered “What’s working if you don’t have one employee that’s a pain in your arse. Unfortunately all of mine are”

“Touché.” For a moment his guilty subconsciousness slipped to smee. Well, the issue with the man was he was way too gullible. “Sometimes I wished I had a new addition to the staff, someone who is both capable and you know doesn’t treat me like a villain simply because I’m an adult male. Seriously, for someone who pays these dimwits, they truly lack respect.”

“Of course I care, I lack staff so if she drowns that would seriously be an issue.” He rolled his eyes. It was because he fancied her, and he absolutely hated it, especially with her recent betrayal. He shrugged. “I wouldn’t be happy if my info was just laying on the ground honestly. And hey all of mine are as well, maybe Smee isn’t but he doesn’t make work easier.”

“Well if you find one, let me know when you start seeing pigs fly because that will be when the miracle happens that a new addition like that joins the workforce” he smirked “They all lack respect because they expect everything to be done for them or they expect to get to the top of the world with minimum amount of effort.”

“You’re not wrong there. Can’t be down a staff member this time of year” he shrugged “Idiots, James. They’re all idiots. We’re stuck having to spoon feed all these kids when its about time they grow up and take responsibility for their jobs and actions”

James couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I wouldn’t see why Neverland isn’t the most-” He couldn’t come up with the correct term. Fishy? He shrugged. “Well you do make a fair point, I don’t think we’ll get an addition to our staff anytime soon.” He sighed deeply. “They do. It’s like they think they owe the place yet when you threaten to cut their earnings they think it’s unfair. Though I wonder I’m just paying them for the work they do. One of my staff members takes a nap. Peter basically lives in Neverland sitting on his lazy ass. And smee, Smee gets seduced by Tina and the idiot falls for pretty much everything she says.”

He emptied the whiskey Hayden had poured in for him in one go. The burn felt nice against his throat. “They are. I didn’t become a boss so I could become a babysitter.”

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

Not to complain abt lateral aggression online but you know that cycle of transphobic women severely misunderstanding the experience of trans men and their complicated relationship with misogyny despite not being women but then also trans men severely misunderstanding misogyny becuase of their complicated experience with having to deal with the fallout of it despite not being women

Yknow that circling piss pool

It seems like whenever i see a discussion of misogyny and like...how children are taught to live under and emulate it. Theres this disgusting mess of transphobes and terfs extrapolating reality out to their theories on "socialization"...but then there are also like 20 transmasc weirdos who are like trying to distance themselves from it and end up essentially saying misogyny or the aspect of it being discussed is fake and all these women are lying bc 'well I grew up as a gurl and it wasnt like that for ME' as if 1. Feeling disconnected from being a girl because you werent one had No Effect on how you viewed girls and how you were treated bc people assumed you were a girl??? Are you fucking sure????? 2.just like...lol at men thinking its progressive and good for them to deny misogyny generally? Lol @ men trying to distance themselves from their role in misogyny...especially men you would expect to have more compassion since they were like a mistakeb target of it...but nope! That just becomes a new excuse to say they cant do a misogyny that goes largely unchecked

Like....if you are aware that your trans or your not

A starting point is feeling a kind of disconnect from the group youre "meant" to be part of

When that group is women, youre inevitably going to also be disconnected in some way from the pain that comes from misogyny, bc on sone level it doesnt feel "meant for" you. Thats someone elses experience. When it happens to you its a mistake.

But then when these discussions come up now were "generalizing". It becomes "oh well this didnt happen with me, one example of a person, and furthermore a person who WAS NOT A WOMAN, so therefore you argument that x is a societal problem is bunk i guess" and its.....just.....So...like peak boy logic idk

When my brother came out so many things immediately made sense for better and for worse. For worse in that i realized why he never fucking helped with chores, he didnt seem to feel any empathy for my mom having to do everything for him, and i had to pick up the slack. It made sense that i didnt have an older sister, and it made sense that all that shit about the plight of the oldest daughter had always made me so like actively angry because it was the opposite of what i thought was my experience. But actually, I was the oldest daughter...for however much of a girl i am yknow but. Different convo.

Biological sex isnt a thing and there isnt really some deeply ingrained set of gender genes ir whatever. Its just feelings. But when youre born into a binary culture where you learn even subconsciously that x is how women should be and z is how men should be...when you dont idebtify with women, you dont idebtify with x. You tend to go toward z bc thats the only other option youve been given.

So even if x is expexted of you, its like completely expected for youre behavior to start shifting before you come out. A lot of people relate to that either bc they were realizing who they were or becoming more comfortable with being that way outwardly. Its not a negative thing. But when were talking abt being a guy...an unavoidable part of that list of guy thongs is misogyny. And entitlement. And sadly the transphobia these men face seems to push them into like grabbing onto these parts ofbbeing a man a lot stronger, and using their unique perspectivw and """insider info""" on what its like to be a woman (even though...again...they arent...so um...) as a tool to discredit them

this is really messy and like Ironically PMSing phone complaining and im sorry but like ohhh my god it annoys me so god damn much. boys annoy me it especially annoys me bc that boy is like saying its transmisogynist to talk abt an actual aspect of misogyny. whne like...no...trans girls are also victims of this. these expectations of women effect them as misogyny. directly. its so fucking stupid like yes a terf can will and often does take real issues and conspiracy theory connect them to making it trans women’s faults...but that isnt the same thing as trying to talk abt the misogyny faced by all women. like. obviously. and a man getting holier than thou abt it and trying to shut down that discussion as something transphobic makes me want to pull my hair out.

this is probably rude but it comes off like he’s trying to make it about him when its not. like ‘this is transmisogynist which is a kind of transphobia and that effect ME!!!” when in reality he’s just...a man complaining that women are talking about their own oppression. it isnt misogynist to talk abt fucking misogyny

and at the end of the day the thing being talked about was the INCREDIBLY WELL KNOWN IDEA that women are specifically put-upon by men and society at large. that women have to do all this extra shit just to exist, then more to not be ostracized, then more that the ‘normal’ expected amount of work that ‘everyone’ has to pitch in, then ‘’’women’s work,’’’then more to keep the men around them from falling to pieces and throwing temper tantrums...and after women do and have done all that, for thousands of years all around the world, we’re still the weak and lazy and simple and childlike ones that have to be protected by manly man who, as we all know, totally do All of The Work. that not being the experience in your family doesn’t make it suddenly dissappear. that not being your experience as a woman, because you AREN’T a woman, doesnt....make women’s experiences...different. but im just gonna unfollow that person and hope someday theyll learn ad well all go about our days bc it would be too much of an unneccessary and pointless effort for me to argue with a man about how women apparently don’t have to put tons of unneccessary pointless effort into dealing with and placating men and how saying so, apparently, hurts women?????? Ok

[firebunnylover]

Hannah Watches LOSH - Child’s Play

Okay, so before I get into the review, let me clarify something on episode order for the next for episodes. The production order was “Child’s Play”, “Lightning Storm”, “Brain Drain” and “The Substitutes”. But the order in which the episodes were released/aired is “Brain Drain”, “Lightning Storm”, “The Substitutes”, and then “Child’s Play”.

I will review these in the production order once again. Now as for why the episode produced first was aired last of the four mixed up episodes, maybe it fell behind schedule and they pushed the others ahead or got in trouble with censors. But some of that seems dubious because of a reference made to it in another episode.

With that in mind, let’s proceed to the review.

Child’s Play

This episode has one of the best openings. Superman and Brainy together at a coffee shop. While Superman comments how he can’t get over 31st century tech, Brainy is getting coffee. Seems a bit like a date. Reason #1 why censors would have refused letting the episode air, maybe? Wait. That must mean that the story boards were gayer for this part...

IF NO ONE HEARS FROM ME AGAIN ASSUME I HAVE DIED ON A SEARCH FOR THE LOSH STORYBOARDS.

However, the muffins that are baking come to life and cause Brainy to drop his coffee. Staff at the coffee shop must have cried at the loss of merchandise.

Going outside, the two see that a building has come to life. When Brainy says it’s a kind of illusion, it starts to rain cats and dogs, literally, making Superman say it feels real.

Brainy says whoever is causing the weirdness, it must be a being with a lot of power. And then we see who it is.

A kid.

When seeing the kid, Brainy says he finds it very unlikely he’s the cause of the “anomalies”.

As a train is about to run into him, the kid zaps it, and it grows wings and flies away.

DENIAL

Watching Superman freeze the wings on the train (he doesn’t let it fall, don’t worry), the kid asks what kind of magic it is.

Aww poor nerd.

Superman comes over and asks the kid who they are. Revealing themselves as Zyx, Superman asks them if they can change everything back, showing several other buildings have been changed.

Zyx does so after saying “I guess.”

I love the “I dunno” sound. Every time.

While Zyx is busy using magic to make little figures appear – including Empress’s eyeball, a green lantern, Doctor Fate’s helmet – Superman and Brainy discuss taking him to the HQ. Brainy does not like the idea, saying it’s bad, but Superman says it will keep him out of trouble.

Going to HQ, we see the three Triplicate Girls playing chess against themselves. First time since… the first episode. Concerning.

Zyx appears and then uses magic on the game.

Rude, Zyx.

And then the pieces start to attack the girls.

When Saturn Girl and Superman enter the room, Zyx proceeds to run. When Saturn Girl tells him to hold still so that she can run a mind probe to find out where he’s from, he says it’s nothing but rules, and he’s having more fun where he is now. Clearly not making things easy.

After making her earrings to big/heavy for her to fly, Superman tries to catch him. And he does this.

JUST DROP HIM IN FRONT OF B5’S ROOM AND HE MIGHT BELIEVE IN MAGIC.

Brainy and Phantom Girl are then seen discussing Zyx’s powers. Brainy says the source is inconclusive, despite running an analysis. When Phantom Girl suggests its magic, he makes this face.

Oh Brainy.

Phantom Girl then says her mom once told her about a sorcerer’s world. So does this mean her mom is sharing sensitive info, or that B5 just excluded places that claim to use magic in his analysis?

OMG HIS FACE AT THE END

He then says it wouldn’t hurt to double check, and tells her to call her mom.

Sounds a little upset there.

At least we finally see Phantom Girl’s room. And it sounds like Mom has dealt with messes Phantom Girl has been involved in. Privileged but misunderstood act again?

Saying that if Zyx is from Zarok and that they would be in serious trouble, Winema tells Phantom Girl that the people there are backwards and dangerous when she asks if they can just call them up to pick Zyx up. She then further adds Zarok severed ties with the UP centuries ago, AND unless Zyx decides to move on, they are stuck with him.

After she leaves her room, we see that Comet and Cupid have escaped captivity at the zoo. Lightning Lad says it looks like the cages malfunctioned, and Phantom Girl comments it took a week for SP to catch them.

The SP is not good at their job.

Judging by how he goes “Yee-Haw!” when going to catch them, I’m Bouncing Boy watches western movies though.

When Zyx tries to join them to catch Comet and Cupid as well, Lightning Lad tells him to stay out of trouble.

Wonder how that’s going to work out.

When Superman, Saturn Girl and Bouncing Boy catches one of them – I’m sorry but I haven’t seen any obvious distinction between the two pets – he calls Brainy up to ask if the barrier at the zoo was fixed.

But Brainy says they were perfectly fine.

He’s taking up the older brother position~

But rather doing as he’s told, Zyx starts goofing around, in a Superman-like outfit, with a Z instead of an S.

Oof. The pets beating him up is apparently becoming routine.

When it seems like the pet is going to charge at him straight on, Saturn Girl makes it sleep.

It also makes the cutest snoring sound

While Superman tries to calmly talk to him about what he just did, Lightning Lad snaps, saying someone could have gotten hurt. Phantom Girl tries to calm him down, but he says if Zyx can’t follow rules, he should go home. A little overboard with how angry he got. Then again he was almost eaten.

Zyx is not happy with that, and proceeds to turn Lightning Lad into a rat. And then he turns into a cat. And eats him.

But thankfully, Lightning Lad gets out of Zyx mouth with his lightning powers. But Zyx chases after him, trying to zap him with magic again.

Bouncing Boy gets into the middle of it, telling them to break it up. But Zyx then does this.

Superman tells him to change them back, but Zyx refuses.

Queen of faces.

Brainy tries to capture Zyx, but his arms are turned into snakes, which Superman pins down for a while, telling him this isn't what superheroes do.

I love the way he says that. Plus, considering villain songs tend to be the best songs, he’s got a point.

We finally see Superman learn one of his weaknesses. His vulnerability to magic.

Seeing this, Phantom Girl decides to go to Zarok to find help, and Saturn Girl makes a diversion to give her time to get away.

Poor Superman.

... Here are the screenshots of his face when spooked.

Saturn Girl makes an illusion of her to distract Zyx, but he makes a telescope to see through it, and then sets a bunch of flying alarm clocks on her. I would have straight up murdered him for that.

But he then sees Phantom Girl escaping to the cruiser which Triplicate Girl brought, tries to stop her, but fails as the cruiser goes into a wormhole. Then throws a tantrum she got away.

Of course, nothing is that easy.

Claiming he was getting bored of the Legion, Zyx then looks at the rest of New Metropolis. Oh geez.

Returning to Phantom Girl and Triplicate Girls (the ship is full of her now), we see that Winema comes on the line to talk with her daughter. There is no sign of Zarok though.

But we do get a bit of a bonding moment with Winema and Phantom girl though. Apparently Winema’s first mission in Open Service was to reconnect with Zarok, around the same age Phantom Girl was, and says she failed.

Just when she says diplomacy won’t work with Zarok, a British/Scottish officer of Zarok arrives. When Phantom Girl says she’s on an urgent mission, he tells her she’ll have to go to the high council. And when she complains she can’t find the planet, he reveals it to her.

Back at Earth. Zyx has made himself a giant and is stomping around the whole place.

But the magic he casted on most of the Legion is wearing off.

Brainy is a precious nerd.

MY POOR SON

Bouncing Boy states his concern on what a whole planet of magical beings will do to Phantom Girl.

Which we then see is paper work. And sending her to a long line for appeals.

And then she is sent to Customs. Where she fights a bunbun.

What a tough bunbun.

While she gets approval, PG is still sent to the appeal line.

Luckily though, someone from the Council gives her the OK to let them hear her.

Back at earth again, we see Superman manages to knock over Zyx, but then Zyx hits him with magic.

OH ****

Superman is saved from being squashed by Saturn Girl, who then tries to talk Zyx into stopping, but he refuses. Little brat.

Aww poor nerd.

However, Bouncing Boy puts himself between B5 and Zyx said that his victory wasn’t much because he messed with their powers.

After Zyx tells them he can bet them full strength any day, Superman tells him to prove it.

Agreeing to it, Zyx chucks him to a baseball stadium, gives his Superpowers back and turns into a drake that breaths fire.

Rescuing you and science.

Or buying time, likes Saturn Girl says.

Phantom Girl meanwhile gets the Council to agree on going to retrieve Zyx. But the bylaws determine her presence as a hostile act. And that the UP and Zarok are at war now. Wow. That place needs to brush up on the laws.

We take a quick break from Zarok to check back on Earth, where Superman freezes Zyx for a moment, then gets caught by him in starfish form (I know im wrong on what Zyx is suppose to be but gimme some slack), then uses heat vison on him.

After Zyx changes forms several times, he decides to make a statue come to life with Superman’s powers.

Getting back to the Council on Zarok, PG tries to talk to them to stop the attack. The main guy seems to be sympathetic, but they are bound.

Oh Tinya.

But then we hear from one of the council members that the rules can neither be altered or amended. Oh. That explains a lot.

And back at Earth, again, we see while he’s sitting back, Zyx is starting to break a bit of a sweat. When Saturn Girl does a mind probe, she finds that Zyx’s powers are being put in a big strain. Which B5 says that if they all attack at once, they could push him over.

After that, Brainy starts up the Stadiums operating system, turning the lights on to max. And the microphone/speakers, which Bouncy takes advantage of.

Returning to Zarok, the Council tells PG that they will get Zyx back after the war. With that info, she uses her position as a representative of the UP to surrender, which has the Council head call off the attack.

You had to do it gurl.

Switching back to Earth, Zyx is unable to focus as the Legion keeps wearing him down. Finally reaching is limit, he turns into a bomb and goes off. And passes out.

When Superman is questioning how to clean up the mess Zyx was responsible for, the Council’s head arrives and does it for them.

Poor trash baby.

Council Head apologizes to Winema and the Legion for Zyx, and praises Phantom Girl to her mom. And states it is time for Zarok to open up with the United Planets. Winema seems stunned, but manages to compose herself.

Oh… don’t tell me they were… BRAIN DONT GO THERE

We know where Phantom Girl got her facial expressions now at least.

So final thoughts on the episode overall and characters

While this episode has its moments, I feel it is one of the weak ones of the whole show.

Still no clear answers why it came out as the last episode of the four that got mixed up.

I just don’t enjoy it overall as much as other episodes. Mostly because there isn’t much character development.

Zarok overall was interesting to look at. Despite how messed up it was with laws. And the people in the Council had cool designs as well. Now concerning the head guy - I liked how he was held up by his cape rather than standing up, but I’m pretty sure part of his outfit is Egyptian-inspired. 

Now I’m not of Egyptian descent, so I don’t have any right to say what is appropriating the culture and what isn’t, but the outfit is slightly concerning, given the guy seems to be white.

Nice recall on Comet and Cupid, as short as it was.

Zyx as a villain… is not very strong, in comparison to other villains in the show. He’s mostly a brat. A psychopathic brat. Who at this point, shouldn’t have magic. But he’s so energetic, which can be fun to watch.

And he gets the grumpiest Brainy reactions out to date.

Speaking of our little green nerd, we see that he is very dubious about magic and only admits Zyx’s powers are magic to get Zyx to stop rampaging. Aww. But we also see him getting coffee, so that means Coluans can consume food to some extent in this universe.

Bouncing Boy is so good to see. He was willing to put himself between Brainy who had just humiliated himself by admitting Zyx’s powers are magic and the kid who splattered him on the wall. He will protect his friends from all harm. I would give my life for him.

We also finally see Triplicate Girl again. After 6 episodes – which causes a bit of alarm. In terms of her role in this episode, it’s very minimal. Adding this to reasons why this episode is one of the weaker ones.

Lightning Lad can’t catch a break. He nearly gets eaten by one of the pets, and then gets turned into a rat, nearly eaten alive by Zyx, caught in Bouncing Boy splatter, and stays under Zyx’s spell the longest. If anything, he was in a form that portrays him accurately. Now regarding his outburst, it was a bit of a overreaction and wasn’t going to work with Zyx. But given what we learn later on, I think I have a general idea what was going through his head. Will discuss in next review so I don’t spoil anything.

With Saturn Girl, we get another hint on her limits to her powers. In the second episode, she needed Timber Wolf to be calm, and in this episode she needed Zyx to stay still. So it’s easier for her to use her powers on people when they are relaxed. Does that go for really personal stuff or just the basics?

Because in the second episode, she used it to figure out what happened to Timber Wolf, and was going to use it to figure out where Zyx was from. Now Timber Wolf was obviously more difficult given how traumatic it was, but who knows.

I’m not sure if this is what Superman needed after Drax. On one hand, Zyx doesn’t have the same creep factor Drax does – thank god. But he learned one thing about his abilities, and that the invulnerability does not extend to magic. And he learned it the hard way.

So… he got one answer at least.

But let’s discuss the part when he loses his powers.

In episode one, he is doing everything he can to hide them from everyone, despite using them for good. And then he comes to the 31st century, where he doesn’t have to hide them. And then he loses them. He probably would have more conflicted feelings about no longer having his powers in the beginning of episode one. But now, he’s comfortable with them. He’s managing to adjust to them, and knows they are important. So he’s more horrified now.

But even when he doesn’t have powers, he still challenges Zyx. This boy has gotten a much-needed confidence boost from Episode 1. I’m so proud of him.

And then we get Phantom Girl and her Mom.

We see Phantom Girl can act diplomatically, even with an insane society like Zarok, which probably helps in missions a lot. I think it also showed when she tries to get Lightning Lad to calm down (before he turned into a rat). Because I don’t think yelling at Zyx was going to help, and she knew that.

But she is not the best at keeping her cool. But it’s completely understandable, given she was sent to the appeal line at her freak out moment, after surviving a fight with a bunbun.

Plus we also see she’s good at last minute thinking. Her ideas may not always be the best, but they work.

Now with Winema, we see her in a different position from Champions. Rather than trying to set her up with guys, she is trying to give her daughter guidance on sensitive issues like the UP’s relation with Zarok. And scolding her at some points in the episode.

Regarding the fact that she never told PG about her attempt to open communication up with Zarok, I think she wants to be someone for her daughter to look up at. Which probably implies not mentioning her failures when she was younger.

Plus, we never get one mention of a dad in the picture. So i think it’s possible Winema is a single mom. Go Winema.

And at the end, we see that she has the same facial expression as her daughter. What a good touch of detail.

Welp, that’s all I have for this episode. Don’t worry, next episode will have more.

So. Much. More.

[shirohibiki]

KRUSTY KRAB PIZZA ANON, THY WILL BE DONE. i hate this so much like usual and i’m sorry like usual and i’m sorry it took so long like usual. i always do this smh. :/ anyway, anon asked me to do something related to the krusty krab pizza episode. this is dedicated to my darling @salvagedmoose for their birthday, so happy birthday!!! I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, AND SAME GOES TO ANON AND EVERYONE ELSE <3333

tom ‘IT TOOK THREE DAYS TO MAKE THIS POTATO SALAD!’ smith is throwing yet another tantrum over his food at the krusty krab, taking out his aggression on spongebob. (i had no idea his last name was smith but apparently it is) spongebob is obviously upset by this, and squidward is infuriated by it -- instead of bloodying his knuckles this time, though, he goes to see if he can comfort his neighbor.

it’s actually fascinating how i always write the literal same thing. i don’t get it omfg. this fic is pre-relationship, and while the feelings between them aren’t entirely mentioned, they’re certainly there. not necessarily part of the main storyline, just a one-off. as a note, i had sort of wanted to change rats into some sort of sea creature, but i couldn’t think of any that fit the pun of the movie title, so... i guess... they’re sea rats, or something.

written for my spongebob human AU, info here

“Y’know, I’ve been coming here for a LONG TIME, and I deserve only the BEST food for my loyalty. So what do I get for this? Today, I asked for my kids’ patties to be well-done. WELL. DONE. Y’know what that means? IT MEANS THERE AIN’T NO PINK IN IT, KID.”

Ah, Tom Smith. Easily the Krusty Krab’s most abrasive customer. He had a tendency to be weirdly picky about food – if anything was wrong, you would absolutely know about it. Nothing seemed to anger him more than food and nobody knew why. He didn’t always cause a fuss, but when he did, it wasn’t pretty.

The first time Spongebob experienced Tom’s wrath was long, long ago when Mr. Krabs had invented the Krusty Krab Pizza. He and Squidward had been tasked to deliver it to a customer’s house. It should have been a simple task, but… It turned into a huge journey because the pair got lost on their way. After what seemed like eons, they arrived, and Spongebob proudly presented Tom with the first Krabby Patty Pizza ever. Tom took one look at him and asked where the drink he’d ordered was. The fact of the matter was, he hadn’t actually asked for one, so Spongebob didn’t have it – thusly, Tom’s anger flared. He lambasted Spongebob for not bringing it, subsequently slamming the door in his face. There were to be plenty more incidents after that.

“You call yourself a frycook? I can cook better meat than this! Maybe I should take your job, eh?” Tom loomed menacingly over a cowering Spongebob Squarepants, who only clutched his spatula against his chest. “Go make them again, and make them RIGHT this time, kid. WELL DONE,” he snarled. He then turned on his heel, bubbles forming behind him with the motion, and stormed back to his table to wait with his children who were all, of course, complaining. Spongebob utterly deflated and slumped back to his grill to fill the order.

It was Squidward’s opinion that the customer was almost always wrong.

While many of the Krusty Krab’s patrons were polite, normal people, there were also those who were complete rotten assholes. The horror stories of customer service. The ones you prayed you wouldn’t encounter, but without fail, you would. Tom was undoubtedly the worst of them, and others like Harold were also known for occasional outbursts. It was absurd – they got to treat the employees however they wanted and never had any repercussions for it. They were always served what they were asked for. Customer service was bullshit. It was unfair. It was just plain wrong. These people could whine about the simplest of things – missing sesame seeds on their bun? Throw it out and make a new one. Fries slightly crispier and smokier than usual? Toss it and cook up a fresh batch. Romaine lettuce instead of iceberg? Better get ready to redo everything or make sure you have that refund! Go fetch your manager while you’re at it and consider yourself a failure because one single little detail was amiss. You were wrong and the customer was right. You’d always lose that battle.

How was it fair? How was it reasonable that Tom’s behavior was simply accepted? Why was he allowed to terrorize the person making his food just because the patties were slightly pinker than he wanted them to be? One could only hope he didn’t speak to his loved ones in the same way. As he watched the scene unfold from the cash register, Squidward found his jaw tightening and his fists clenching at his sides. He glared daggers in Tom’s direction. Oh, he was so ready to deck that guy. He’d done it once, and he would do it again if needed. He absolutely could not stand him. The way he treated Spongebob… It incited a fury deep within him. He didn’t quite know why it bothered him so much… He didn’t know why he cared, but he did – and actually, he could feel that he cared more now than ever. No one was allowed to treat Spongebob like that.

No one.

If there was one thing Squidward didn’t like, it was Spongebob being bullied. A tad ironic, since he had a tendency to… Not be so nice to Spongebob… But it was different! No, really, it was different. It wasn’t acceptable when he himself did mean things either, but these people! These people weren’t Spongebob’s neighbor! They didn’t secretly maybe kind of like him deep down! AND, some of them even got physical with him and THAT was just entirely unacceptable. Flats Flounder came to mind. Spongebob did all he could for his customers and Squidward couldn’t stand to see them hurt him. (His own behavior required further analysis, but he refused to believe he was on that level.)

Squidward was still seething as Tom returned to his seat. The wait wasn’t long – a defeated frycook soon emerged from the kitchen with a tray of patties. There was an audible hesitancy in his steps. “Here’s… Your order, sir,” Spongebob said in a small voice, sliding the tray onto the table. The customer sneered at him.

“Yeah, you’d better hope they’re right this time, or I’m taking this to your boss.” Spongebob said nothing as Tom cut one of the steaming patties in half to take a peek inside. Finding they were satisfactorily browned, he grunted, nodding. “Good. You managed not to mess it up. This had better not happen again. Oh, and one more thing, kid – you did remember to put at least seven ice cubes in my diet Dr. Kelp, right?” Spongebob froze with the question at first, praying he had, because he did NOT want a repeat of that pizza delivery… Or worse. Fortunately, he always made extra sure Tom’s drinks were right, so he reassured his racing mind with that fact.

“Yes, sir, I did,” he replied. Doubtful, Tom popped the lid of his drink open to check himself. Everything seemed to be in order.

“You actually managed to do it. Maybe you DO care about your customers!” Snickering, Tom waved Spongebob away. Eyes downcast, the other turned and padded back to his station. Squidward was on the verge of marching right over to the table and slamming Tom’s smug face into the burger – resisting that urge took every ounce of his self-control.

The rest of the day dragged on. Spongebob had understandably gone quiet, and Squidward spent his time thinking about all of the ways he could repay Tom for his immeasurable kindness. At closing time, Squidward watched his coworker leave carefully. “See ya,” the blond muttered impassively as he grabbed his coat and shuffled out the door, not quite paying any actual attention to those around him.

Squidward now had a few options – he could go home himself and forget about it all, he could go have a few choice words with Tom, or he could go see if Spongebob needed…

Comfort.

It seemed Squidward’s feet suddenly began moving on their own – he didn’t even have time to consider or conceptualize his decision. He was already leaving. He didn’t realize what he was doing until he was in front of a pineapple house. He paused to look up at it, wondering for a moment why he was here. It didn’t matter that much, did it..?

The aura of gloom emanating from the house said yes.

Squidward honestly just felt sad – a resonating hollowness in his chest – sure, he got yelled at by customers plenty too, but he deserved it but it was different. The little guy worked too hard to deserve that crap. He wasn’t particularly in the mood to risk getting his ass kicked at the moment, and just going home and ignoring it wasn’t actually an option either because it would never leave his mind. That left him with only one possible course of action. So, with a deep breath, he gave the front door a good firm knock. He wasn’t going to think very hard about how odd this was. He was doing what he felt – what his heart told him to do.

“Come in.”

Opening the door, he found the person he was looking for curled up in a pile of plush blankets on his couch, snacking on brownies and watching television. Gary snoozed away beside him, seemingly unbothered by the disturbance. The room was dark save for the lambent glow of the screen. “… Hey,” Squidward said lamely as he took a few steps inside, noting how tired Spongebob looked. That same unresponsive look was on his face – it was listless and tinged with melancholy. Surprisingly, there didn’t seem to be a single trace of tears.

“Hi.” It was a low, short sound that held no welcome in it. It wasn’t an unfriendly greeting per se, just… Apathetic. Spongebob’s gaze was drawn to his visitor briefly before it returned to his show. The moment hung uncomfortably; Squidward didn’t want to intrude, but… The dejection in those dull blue eyes hurt. He strode over to the couch and sat himself down next to the lethargic lump. Spongebob intruded on his brooding all the time, so whatever! He’d just have to deal with it!

“What are you watching?” Squidward asked as casually as he possibly could while he settled back. He wasn’t going to think about this at ALL. Just go with it, Squiddy. Spongebob flinched a little at the movement before eyeing him curiously, but didn’t seem to question it too much because he nodded back at the TV. He allowed his blankets to fall and pool around his waist, and set the plate of half-eaten brownies down on the table in front of them.

“Um, Ratatouille…”

“Oh?” Squidward took a look – a young man who had just been hired at an upscale restaurant was struggling to cook while a rat darted about, fixing up the food he’d been attempting to make. He wasn’t at all surprised that Spongebob had picked a movie about cooking, even if it had been a subconscious choice. “I’m shocked you’re not crying yet.”

“It’s—it’s still early in the movie.”

“Doesn’t usually stop you,” Squidward teased with a smirk. That smirk fell when he only received a sigh. He watched a few more minutes of the film, seeing Linguini’s ruthless and hateful boss criticize him, and was reminded of what had happened earlier. He wondered if Spongebob was thinking about it too… Must’ve been, with that expression.

It was time to do what he’d come here to do.

His next decision wasn’t one that was normally made lightly – it was something he didn’t usually do, nor was it something he was accustomed to. It was awkward, and if he thought about it too much he’d chicken out. Hopefully Spongebob wouldn’t make too big of a deal over it; if he did, it would reactivate Squidward’s defenses and he would inevitably flee in embarrassment. Squidward took a moment to clear his mind and focused on his sole goal of soothing his neighbor. Exhaling, he reached out and wrapped an arm gently around Spongebob’s shoulders, then tugged him close. Spongebob squeaked in surprise – he’d been tilted to the side and his head was now pressed against his friend’s chest. When he looked up, there was a question in his eyes, but no sound came from his gaping mouth. Squidward merely nodded to him to confirm that it was alright.

Spongebob was left confused – Squidward was hugging him..? Willingly? Why…

… Squidward was so magnificently warm. Spongebob soon found that he didn’t have the energy to deliberate on the implications of this. Ordinarily he would, but… Maybe he’d mull it over later. For now, he experimentally brought the blankets up over the both of them and when Squidward (startlingly) didn’t protest, he tucked himself into his side comfortably while the other kept an arm around him. Grateful for the heat, he nuzzled close.

“Who cares about the customer, Spongebob?”

“… I do.” Squidward caught a tiny hint of a smile tug at Spongebob’s lips when he responded. That pizza delivery had been a rough time, but at least they could joke about it now.

“Well I don’t, and neither should you. Look at that guy.” He gestured to Chef Skinner who was in the middle of lambasting Linguini for the umpteenth time. “They’re just like him. If they don’t care about you, why care about them?” Oh boy, he’d be having a crisis over that statement in regards to himself and his general treatment of Spongebob after he got home…

“Because I like making people happy and I like doing my job right,” Spongebob answered, slowly being lulled into complete relaxation by the sound of the beating heart against his ear, the familiar scent filling his nostrils, the warmth enveloping him, and the beautifully animated city of Paris. Squidward glanced down at his fluffy blond hair, quiet for a moment.

“… You can’t please everyone. You should put more energy into yourself – you don’t need to cater to some asshole’s every selfish whim to do your job right. He shouldn’t have the freedom to treat you like that,” he finally said. Being so unused to comforting Spongebob, his cheeks reddened a little, but he ignored the feeling. He absentmindedly gave Spongebob’s shoulder a squeeze, beginning to rub his thumb in circles against the soft fabric.

“I know… But it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.” A shiver ran up Spongebob’s spine. That felt nice. That felt really nice. Even the simplest of touches made him happy. Oh, heaven… He sure was one lucky guy!

“Yeah, but you really don’t have to make sure you put a certain amount of ice cubes in someone’s drink. If you don’t want to punch someone in the face for pushing you around like that, I have no problem doing it for you.” Squidward meant that, too. If that meant getting beaten up for Spongebob’s sake… Oh well. The customer wasn’t always right and he would stand by that notion. It hurt too much to see Spongebob like this – it was weird to actually… Want to comfort Spongebob, but it also felt kind of good for some reason. It eased the sorrowful ache in his chest, and he hoped it eased the one in Spongebob’s, too. He couldn’t bring himself to look into his neighbor’s eyes as he spoke, but it became exceedingly apparent that he was staring.

Spongebob gawked for a few moments, having gone scarlet – that was probably one of the nicest things Squidward had ever said to him. The man he loved had honestly just stated that he was willing to stand up for him, to defend his honor, if need be. It was… Wow. Just… Wow. He could scarcely believe it, but no – no wondering about it for now. No causing a scene. Just accept it. Let the happiness wash over you. Don’t think about it – just feel it. “… Thank you,” he whispered, tears rushing to his eyes. To stave them off, he buried his face into Squidward’s collarbone and took some deep breaths, clutching him tightly. Once calmer, he sniffled and did his best to return his concentration to the television. A movie, the comfort of a best friend, brownies, and a sleepy snail. It was a bad day turned into the best day ever!

“Mm.” Squidward said nothing – he instead kept himself preoccupied with rubbing Spongebob’s shoulder and the story of a rat and a man going against all odds and those who tried to smack them down to help each other realize their dreams. They protected one another… Just as he’d try to protect Spongebob. Tom would get what was coming to him someday.

The pair stayed together the whole night, marathoning movies and gorging on junk food. There were tears and there was laughter. As baffling as it was, Squidward had a genuinely good time. Hanging out with Spongebob wasn’t always so bad… And he seemed to be feeling better, which was all Squidward had wanted. He’d deal with whatever weird feelings arose from it later. Maybe -- just maybe -- he could sort of thank Tom in some twisted way, because his shitty actions enabled he and his neighbor to bond and gave him the chance to be a good friend for once in his life. So thanks, Tom. Your assholeishness really brought people together!

[madzikmadzik]

17 Truths About Your First Trimester That All Pregnant Women Should Prepare For

Naps, Seamless and secret Facebook groups FTW.

Note: This is an account of my own personal experience and not a medical evaluation. Pregnancy can cause a variety of symptoms that vary from person to person. As always, check with your doctor if you have any concerns regarding your pregnancy.

The exhaustion is unbearable, and keeping your eyes open requires superhuman effort.

The first symptom I experienced after realizing I was pregnant was absolute exhaustion. It didn't matter how many hours I slept at night. I still had trouble keeping my eyes open during the day, and naps became my best friends. It got to the point where one day, I accidentally fell asleep on a public bench for two hours.

Disney / Via tumblr.com

Which means you'll spend entire weeks as a near-literal couch potato.

There were weekends when my husband was out of town and I would spend the entire day moving between the bed and the sofa. Food delivery services became my best friends, and I would often order out for all three meals, because I couldn't even make pasta for myself.

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You'll also become super antisocial.

Since I couldn't tell anyone about my pregnancy yet, I didn't feel like coming up with excuses about why I was feeling so tired or why I wasn't drinking alcohol. I felt like I was lying the entire time, so I preferred staying home and watching TV. But since I'm actually a super social person, this "new me" felt so unnatural.

NBC / Via tumblr.com

But you'll find online communities that save your sanity.

I found Reddit subgroups and secret Facebook groups of pregnant women who were going through the exact same things and, even though they were perfect strangers, we became so close. I tapped into these networks to ask any and every question that crossed my mind, and we supported each other.

Universal Pictures / Via i.perezhilton.com

Medical advice can totally differ depending on what part of the world you're in.

When I was finally able to tell a few friends about my pregnancy, I started complaining about all the things I couldn't eat and some of them laughed in my face. It turns out that there are some things - like not drinking alcohol and not smoking - that are recommended worldwide but others are less universal. For example, in the United States, you're advised not to eat ham or sushi. But that's not the case for women in Japan.

i.imgur.com

At first, it can be hard to actually enjoy being pregnant.

Being pregnant was great news, but I quickly became obsessed over everything that could go wrong in the first few months, and the panic didn't let me fully enjoy myself.

Once I was able to see the tiny baby at my first ultrasound, I was able to relax more and to start thinking about a future with this new family member.

CBS / Via tumblr.com

Your relationship with your mother will change.

I hate to admit it, but my mother always would tell me, "When you're a mother, you're going to understand so many more things." Well, she was right. That made our relationship change, and we became a little closer. She's still my mother, so of course, I'm going to keep rolling my eyes whenever she tells me something I don't like, but now I appreciate everything she did to get me where I am so much more.

Disney / Via media.tenor.com

Hunger and nausea go hand in hand.

I'm one of the lucky ones who has never thrown up during my pregnancy (*knocks on wood*), but that doesn't mean I didn't have some terrible nausea. What I've come to realize is that you can have the biggest urge to vomit in the world, and it might actually just be a sign that you're hungry.

That's right; whenever I'd go three hours without eating, my stomach would have a tantrum, and I'd feel terrible until I ate.

NBC / Universal / Via img.buzzfeed.com

Speaking of which, prenatal vitamins can also mess with your stomach.

I learned this the hard way by taking my vitamins on an empty stomach. I felt like throwing up and had a stomach ache almost immediately. Now, I always make sure I've had a good meal before taking them.

It's also worth noting that these vitamins make your pee turn neon yellow, which is a weird and necessary evil, I guess.

TLC / Via k44.kn3.net

Your bladder will become your own worst enemy.

As soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I would start waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. At first I thought it was just the stress that was waking me up, but I quickly learned that wasn't the case - apparently, going to the bathroom in the middle of the night is common both in the first and third trimesters of your pregnancy. For someone who used to NEVER wake up in the wee hours of the morning, this new symptom wasn't well received.

Netflix / Via s3.amazonaws.com

There are no dumb questions.

It felt like I always had a billion questions: How far along was I? What could I eat? When should I have each of these doctor's appointments? Was I allowed to sunbathe?

I turned to Google for many of these answers, and it was a relief to see that I wasn't the first one to wonder about these questions by far. It goes without saying that Google isn't scientific at all and that, if you really do have a serious question, you should ask a doctor. Luckily, my midwives always replied to everything through e-mail, and they probably still laugh every time they get a new message from me.

Nintendo / Via media.tenor.com

Once you start shopping for "pregnancy" things, the reality really sinks in.

One of my favorite purchase was this cuddly, full body pillow that allowed me to actually sleep again My husband and I even named it Bill, and it's already a part of the family.

It might sound dumb, but little purchases like this one helped me realize that not only was I just not having my period, but also I had a little human growing inside my belly.

Amazon / Via amazon.com

Just thinking about exercise will tire you out.

I knew I couldn't spend entire days laying on the sofa and had to do ~something~. So I bought a Fitbit to track my steps each day and to push me to walk more.

At first, my goal was to hit 8,000 steps, which would be a few miles walking. Little by little, I started adding more by taking the dogs out for a longer walk, or walking instead of taking the subway. The Fitbit also helped me track how long and how deeply I sleep, which helps me figure out whether I had a rough night beyond just taking stock of how I felt when I woke up.

Fitbit / Via i.makeagif.com

Hiding a growing belly can be pretty stressful!

One day, when I woke up, my husband said to me, "Whoa, you're pregnant." Apparently my tummy had finally decided to pop out and say hi! So my first thought was "How am I going to hide this now?" because I wasn't yet ready to announce the pregnancy at my workplace. For a while there, getting dressed in the morning was the hardest task of the day.

But once we told all of our friends and coworkers, getting dressed went back to being fun and non-stressful.

Conz Preti / Via BuzzFeed

You'll have the urge to read every maternity book you can get your hands on.

Reading a bunch of books was useful to prepare for the coming months and to get a wide range of recommendations for all kinds of people.

For example, I read Mam Natural (Natural Mom), which is super hippie and advises pregnant women not to spend too much time near cellphones or Wi-Fi. To me, that sounded impossible to me, and I didn't find much info to back it up. On the other hand, I read Expecting Better, where they demystify things like whether coffee drinking is okay with scientific studies.

Nickelodeon / Via deadspin.com

You'll regularly switch between laughing and crying in mere nanoseconds.

If there was one thing I wasn't ready for, it was the mood swings. It felt like constantly being on a roller coaster where I literally didn't know how I was going to react to anything. I'd find myself crying in the subway for no reason, or going from laughing with my husband to crying inconsolably and not being able to explain why. I even yelled at my parents for the high crime of asking me about baby names.

Walt Disney Pictures / Via tumblr.com

BUT, finally seeing that lil alien inside of you will help make sense of all the madness and anxiety.

I'm not the kind of person who gets emotional when they see other people's babies and want to hold them. Not at all. To be honest, I'm not big on kids in general. But seeing my son kicking inside my belly after just 11 weeks of pregnancy softened me a little, and it made everything I've lived through so far completely worth it.

Conz Preti / Via BuzzFeed

This post was translated from Spanish.

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