#like. everytime i think oh my anxiety’s not that bad something like this happens and i’m like. never mind

[akkpipitphattana]

truly if i explained some of the things my anxiety convinces me of, i’d be admitted

[luveline]

hi bae, just wondering if you could write something like roommate!marauders and reader with anxiety where everytime one of them goes out she gets really worried that’s somethings gonna happen to them and waits up for them and just feels like a burden when she calls to make sure they’re alright and just general anxiety things and them being so sweet about it

love u

love u too♡

cw death related anxiety

“Hey, Remus?” you ask tentatively. 

Your housemate lays across the sofa with his dinner half eaten on the coffee table and a book tented on his chest. He's ignoring both in favour of the television, a rerun of Family Fortunes turning the sofa cushions and his pale skin a light blue. 

He drags his blue-tinged gaze from the subtitles to your frowning. “What's wrong?” he asks. You're surprised he heard you over the sound of Sirius’ stereo echoing down the stairs. 

“Where did James say he was going?” 

“I think he said he'd be at the gym for an hour now he's not in work. Want me to call him?” 

“Why would you call him?” you ask, instead of saying yes, please, like you want to. 

“You're worrying again.” 

They know how you are. It doesn't mean they have to understand —it isn't logical to think James is hurt because he hasn't been home today yet, and none of them are required to humour you in your worry, but they always do. 

You feel sick as he takes his phone from his pocket. You've convinced yourself that James is dead, that his car curled around a bend too quickly on the drive in the rain, or that something happened at the gym, or that he never made it there at all, had a fit in the car park outside of work. Even as you think it, you know it's implausible, unlikely, just a repetitive negative anxiety worming its way into your head, but you can't make it stop. 

James doesn't answer the first time, which doesn't help, and then when he does answer the second time you're waiting for bad news. Remus smiles as he talks. “Hello? Jamie?”

James doesn't need speak phone to be heard. “Remus! I'm at the gym, what's happening?”

Remus wrinkles his nose. “What's happening? Since when do you say that?”

“What's up?” James corrects. “I'm on my way out of the gym, can you talk? You can keep me company while I drive.” 

Remus holds out the phone to you. 

“Remus?” James asks into the room. You take the phone before he can hang up, and decide to be honest, but the words get stuck like toffee between your teeth. “Hello?” 

“Hey,” you say, sending Remus a grateful look. He moves over to make room on settee for you, and his arm wraps familiarly around your shoulders as you settle in. He turns his attention back to his show. 

“Oh my god hey, angel. Remus okay?” 

“I was making him ring you, sorry. I thought… you know what I'm like. It's getting late and you aren't home, and I know I don't have the right to pester you about where you are.”

“Yeah you do,” James says, his voice louder, like his mouth is very close to the microphone. “Course you do. I'd worry too if you weren't home yet.” 

“I do this all the time, though.”

Just last week he and Sirius were out late and you'd panicked that they'd both been hurt. You stayed up until almost one in the morning waiting for them to get home from a music shop in the city, each minute after eleven like a shot of ice water in your veins. Sirius jumped when he saw you waiting in the living room, but then he'd given you a hug and rubbed at your shoulders roughly. You didn't wait up for us, did you? 

“It's worse lately, yeah?” James asks. You hum non-committal, and Remus gives you a squeeze in typical Remus fashion. You hadn't even realised he was listening, but his support makes this easier. “You're worrying about us more.”

“Yeah,” you say. “I don't know why. And it sucks because I know it's making me a lot to deal with.” 

“I would one thousand percent prefer it if you rang me then sat there worrying. That would make me feel better. And Remus and Sirius feel the same way, okay? We could all stand to ring each other a bit more anyways.” 

You rub your nose into your hand. “Sorry,” you mumble. 

“There's no need to be. I love you, ‘n I just want you to be happy. If a phone call can make that happen then why shouldn't you do it? And it's not like they're a big imposition, I like talking to you. We all do.”

James is home from the gym what could only be ten minutes later, and he leans over the back of the settee to kiss your forehead chasely. “Here we are, all safe and well.” 

“You haven't seen Sirius yet,” Remus points out.

“I can bloody well hear him. What is he listening to? Is that U2?” James shakes his head in disgust. “I can see why you were so worried I wasn't coming home. Let me go put a stop to that immediately.” 

[moonstruckme]

Hii!! I have a request if thats okay, its kinda weird tho so if you don't wanna do it thats totaly okay<3

So i have like a really sensitive stomach so if i eat like anything greasy or a lot of one thing i get a really bad tummy ache, especially after supper like i don't throw up or anything im just kinda useless for like 2 hours. So the request is if you could do poly x fem!reader (or one of them, whatever you prefer) and have them comfort her and stuff? Maybe like cuddles and belly rubs? Idk

Thank u for excisting btw, you really make my day everytime you post<3

Thanks sweetheart, hope you like it :)

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 1.1k words

Remus knocks at your door tentatively. He’d known something was off when you’d left dinner early, vague about why you had to get home but urgent in a way that unnerved him. He’d followed you out of the restaurant, hoping to catch you in the parking lot, but you’d already gotten on your bus. Remus knew you were probably fine, but he couldn’t shake his anxiety about the way you’d left and he’d made his excuses a few minutes later, ignoring the jeering protests of his friends as he set out for your apartment. 

After knocking again, he tries the handle, surprised and a bit alarmed to find the door unlocked. He calls your name as he steps inside hesitantly, wary of startling you if you’ve gone to sleep or have just gotten out of the shower (that’s something he’d like to see under more consensual circumstances). “It’s Remus,” he says into the dark apartment, feeling a bit silly. “Are you here?”

“Rem,” a soft voice comes from the direction of the living room, “what’re you doing here?” 

He moves toward the sound. “I came to check on you. Sorry for just letting myself in, but you left dinner so suddenly and I…oh, sweetheart.”

He finds you on the couch, all curled up with your face pinched in obvious pain.

“Honey, what happened?” he asks, crouching beside you. His hand comes up to pet your hair of its own accord. 

“Nothing, I’m fine,” you say, the strain in your voice belying your words. “I just came home because my stomach was bothering me.” 

Remus feels his brows pinch. “It hurts?” you nod, seeming embarrassed. He can’t imagine why, it’s not like you’ve any control over that sort of thing. “Do you think it was something you ate?” 

You’re looking down at your knees, held tightly to your chest. “I…kind of,” you sigh. “This happens sometimes. Like, when I eat a lot of the same thing, or greasy foods.” 

Remus nods thoughtfully. “So like, when James won’t stop piling fries onto your plate all night, and you feel like you have to eat them?” You look sheepish, and James is going to feel awful when Remus is through with him. He’s going to make damn sure nothing like this ever happens again on his watch. “I’m sorry, lovely,” he says. “Is there anything I can do to help?” 

You hesitate. “I’ve got ibuprofen in the bathroom, but I haven’t wanted to get up. Could you bring it to me?”

Remus squeezes your shoulder lightly, standing. “Of course, sweetheart.”

 He hurries to the bathroom, finding the small bottle of pills under the sink and bringing it back along with a cup of water. He shakes a couple of tablets into his hand, passing them to you, but withholds the water when you reach for it. 

“Sorry.” He really is. “You’ve got to sit up to drink it, don’t want you to choke.” 

You shuffle into an upright position, bracing your back against the couch with your knees still drawn tight to your front, and Remus hands the cup over. You swallow the pills with a light exhale, as if you’re already anticipating the relief they’ll bring. 

“Thanks, Rem.” 

“It’s no problem,” he replies, and he hopes you understand how much he means it. “How long does the pain usually last?” 

You sigh. “A couple hours. I’ll probably just lie here and wait it out, I won’t be able to get to sleep until it stops.” 

Remus tries not to pout at you, his heart aching with sympathy. “If you’d like, we could watch a movie or something,” he suggests, adding quickly. “But if you want me to leave so you can relax, I completely understand, love.” 

You ponder for a second, your face still tight with pain. “No, that sounds nice,” you say after a second. “A distraction could help, and I’ll be more relaxed with you here anyway.” 

Remus has to turn away so you don’t see the full force of his smile, occupying himself with your television. He holds up a movie for you to see, putting it in the VHS player once you approve. You waste no time in snuggling up to him when he sits next to you on the couch, and Remus wraps his arm around you happily, rubbing gently up and down your arm. You all but melt under his touch, softening against his side. 

It’s a few minutes into the movie before he works up the courage to ask. “Do you think it would help,” he says, hoping his voice sounds at least remotely casual, “if I rubbed your stomach for you?”

You look at him in surprise. “Remus, that’s alright. You don’t have to.” 

“I don’t mind,” he says, and he doesn’t. Even though he’s giddy from the feel of you pressed up against him, he’s not offering as some excuse to touch you. He just wants so desperately to help. Seeing you in pain is like a gut punch every time he looks at you, and if there’s anything that can make you more comfortable, he wants to be the one to do it. “Really, I just want you to feel better.” 

“Okay, yeah.” You relax your grip on your knees, letting your thighs fall a few inches from your stomach and making an opening for him. “That’d be nice, thanks.” Remus watches your face, wary of any signs of discomfort as he brings his hand to your midsection. 

“You’ll tell me if I hurt you at all, yeah?”

“I will,” you say. “But you won’t.” 

Remus glows with your surety in him, but he’s still cautious as he draws his hand in small circles, gratified when you sigh. The movie casts blue light across your features, so he can see you a bit better as the crease between your brows evaporates, the tension around your mouth easing. Remus does his best to look like he’s watching the movie, but all his focus is on easing the upset in your abdomen, adjusting his methods any time you react even slightly in the positive or negative. Soon you’re completely molten against his side, blinks slowing as your eyelids start to droop heavily. 

“Did the ibuprofen kick in?” he asks softly. “You look like you’re getting sleepy, dove.” 

“I dunno,” you yawn, laying your cheek on his bicep, “maybe.” 

Remus almost hates to suggest it, but he’s not quite selfish enough to keep himself from asking. “If you want to get to bed, I can go.” 

“No, can you stay?” you yawn again, hugely. Remus tries not to stare, but you look adorable, cheek squished up against his arm and face soft with sleepiness. “Just until the movie’s done, please?”

Remus adjusts you against him, slouching so that you can lay your head on his shoulder without hurting your neck. “Yeah, of course I can stay, lovely.” He resumes rubbing your stomach, dropping a quick kiss on the top of your head. “I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.”

[lilocapoca]

part 2 of this

pairing: rockstar!Eddie Munson x fem!popstar reader

content warning(s): use of “fuck”, “shit” and “dick”. sorry but bad writing

Word count: 1536

summary: after your interview, everybody was expecting you and Eddie to be the next big Hollywood couple, but he did not make a move… so you did and invited him to your concert.

notes: the images DO NOT describe reader’s appearance! Only used for aesthetic/clothes

Yes Eddie was a coward.

Every gossip magazine and tv show was talking about your interview. It was all that people could think about. The most rockstar of all rockstars and the cutes of all the cutest pop singers having a crush on each other was so fucking cute.

Your pretty ribbons. His heavy metal chains. Your impeccable gloves. His big rings. You had flawless skin while his own was marked with ink everywhere. Your high heels were so tiny compared to his big black combat boots. You looked like a pure fairy and he looked like a sexy zombie.

Yeah. It was really fucking cute.

But even after everyone approved this possible romance, Eddie could not find himself going to talk to you. You were so perfect, your nickname was "America's Angel". If this was a fairytale, you would be the princess and Eddie surely would't be the hero... at least he thought so.

But since you confessed your feelings on national tv, the guitarrist was suffering from a big problem: he couldn't fuck or date anyone else.

Eddie was used to bring girls backstage after his shows, sometimes even boys. He enjoyed a good fuck or just someone who could blow his dick. But now? Everytime he took someone backstage he just could not do it. He kept thinking about you. Shit, he never even really talked to you. Just some head nods and smiles at award shows, but no conversations ever. 

But at the moment he was holding a note that was sent to him he couldn't belive his eyes.

Well, the thing is, Corroded Coffin was a headliner band of this really big festival, taking on the biggest rock stage of it and... you were one of the headliners of the biggest pop stage of the same festival too. And you both were playing on the same day! which made you send flowers to the band's dressing room, to him.

The boys were really having fun with this. Eddie's face was red and he just could not take his eyes of the note that was attached to the bouquet. White daisies. Just like the name of the first track on the lattest Corroded album.

"Hi honey. I would like very much if you could watch my show tonigth... i'm gonna be looking for your pretty curls in the crowd. I'll be so sad if you can't make it... and you don't wanna make me sad, right?

– your wife"

And a red mark of lipstick at the end that literally screamed you. The pretty handwritting. The hearts on the "i"s.

Oh My God. Tonigth was the nigth a Munson is going to die.

...

The day was already fading away, the stars starting to shine and you were breathing in and out trying to calm yourself. The crowd was waiting for you. Everybody screaming. And Jesus, you swore you'd never seen an crowd this big. Your manager said that were about 40 thousand people there to see your concert. You could literally feel the vomit coming down your throat, something that happens when you are anxious. But you couldn't do this rigth now. You needed to go on the stage in 1:30 minutes, there was no time for anxiety.

But what if he doesn't come?

Oh my God he is not coming, you are sure of that.

Why would he come? He probably didn't meant that he had a crush on you. Well he could have a crush on you, but that don't mean that he actully likes you...

Stop!

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You took one last look at your dress. Such a pretty baby blue mini dress. Checked out your white velvet gloves, matching your long white heel boots. Touched your blue ribbon. Okay. Everything was okay.

The next thing you knew was that you were already walking on the stage with a big and enchanting smile, hearing the most high screams ever.

...

you put his name on the list. His name was in your goddamn list.

The VIP area of the pop stage was filled with the guesses that were on your list. But it wasn't really full, just some people that were probably your friends and some daugthers of famous old singers who worshiped you. The view of the stage was really unique, everything could be seen.

All eyes were on Eddie the moment he crossed the line of the VIP area. He could not care less. Eddie just crossed the room to the front to get a better view of the stage. He smiled at the sight of the gigant crowd waiting for you. The vip area was above the ground next to the stage and the Corroded Coffin front man was so freaking pleased to be there, cause at the moment you were up the stage, he could see your pretty figure: smiling in that beautiful outfit, mic in your hand, ready to rock.

And shit you give a hell of a show. That siren voice was like heaven in Munson's ears and that pretty dances were starting to drive him crazy. You were driving him crazy. He was sure you were born to do this. The people screaming your lyrics and reactin everytime you did something cute or even when you laughed of happines. Cause, c'mon, you're so cute. Sexy and cute. How could you be both? Was what Eddie thought during the whole set.

Ok, the rockstar was falling in love with the popstar.

But when Eddie looked at his watch he realized that he was running late to his own show.

Shit he needed to actully run. But he didn't want to do it. He wanted to stay... to talk to you.

"Hey" he shouted to one of your friends: Daisy Green, the country star that was your best friend. She looked at him with a tired face "can you tell her..."

"I tell her that you came and that you are asking her to see the end of your show and go to your dressing room" she took the words out of his mouth.

"Thanks!" He smiled at her and ran off in the opposite direction.

...

When you went to your backstage, you were hoping to see that wild curls somewhere. But Eddie wasn't there. the euphoria that took over your body at the end of the show was washing away.

Of course that he would't be there. He was busy, he probably was preparing for his set, he would not even want—

Your thoughts are interrupted by Daisy.

“He is waiting for you" she said rolling her eyes seeing your growing smile.

You see her next to her Mallory Grace, the biggest disco sensation , and one of your besties along with Daisy, givin' thumbs up.

...

Ok, you never ran as much as you did to get on the rock stage before Corroded show ended. Jumped all the staff and equipment. Legs were burning. That meant you cared? Not at all. Your goal was accomplished faster than expected when you heard the sound of one of the band's biggest hit from not so far away.  And when you hit the backstage, their manager was waiting for you, he guided you to the side of the stage, where you could see Eddie closer than ever.

The way he played that guitar was doin' things to you. Legs squeezing, heart beating fast and wet thoughts. His voice loud and deep, sweaty body and tongue stretched out. God he was hot.

...

When Eddie saw that pretty little thing still dressed in her show clothes at the left side, he couldn't hide the grinn on his face. So he gave a hell of a concert that would turn out to be the most iconic rock concert in the history of the festival... all cause of you.

So when it ended and Corroded team cheer them up for the amazing work. Eddie came towards you. Well he was trying to do so since he left the stage, but everybody was holding him back, but he shut them up, coming in your direction with the biggest smile ever.

Oh god. He was so pretty like that. Shirtless, wild hair, low waist leather pants and boots. Your heart was goin' to explode. But instead of exploding, you just grinned back at him, waiting for Munson to get close.

Eddie was hypnotized by your angel looks. So delicate and beautiful. It was his mind or he was sweating more than when he was playing?

Jesus, what he was going to say? Was he smelling good? Fuck, of course not. He needed a towel to dry himself a bit? But the guitarrist wanted to talk to you... but you are so gorgeous and untouchable, looking like a fairy. Shit.

Before you both realized, he was right in front of you.

"you came" he said mesmerized by the view.

"why would't i? Needed to be good for my husband" and Eddie was dead. How can you say something like that and expect him to be alright?

"Fuck, princess, you're killing me" and you couldn't help but giggle. The most pretty in his opinion.

Princess. You like that. Could get used to it.

[applejuicefruit]

Can you write something about reader breaking up with Kylian because she’s having some mental problems and can’t keep up with both relationship and herself but Kylian doesn’t want to let her go because other wise she would be alone? So even if they break up he still take care of her please 🙏

this request was just 😭😭😭

tw : a lot of angst, mention of depression and anxiety

kylian mbappe x reader

As long as you need me

You had no idea how to tell Kylian that you were going to break up with him. That you were going to break up with your boyfriend, the love of your life and the person who always helped you and supported you in the past two years.

You knew this was going to break him, completely, but you were feeling like you were just slowing his life and you couldn’t let that happen.

Kylian knew you suffered from depression when you were a teen. You were first diagnosed when you were only sixteen and you’ve been taking pills since then. When you turned eighteen you started having anxiety and anxiety attacks everytime you felt like you were in a stressful situation and, dealing with anxiety and depression wasn’t a joyful ride. But when you met Kylian everything started to work better for you. You always told him everything, about your past, about your present, about your day. It didn’t matter, he would spent hours just to listening you talk.

But, as you noticed it, he noticed it too that in these past months you were feeling worse and worse and he couldn’t do nothing to help you. He saw how you were slowly breaking and he couldn’t do anything about it and that was killing him. You were his light and you were slowly fading away.

You were sat on the couch waiting for him to come back from training and anxiety was eating you alive.

You were fidgeting with your fingers and you were looking everywhere but the front door.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even hear Kylian being back home.

“Hey mon amour…”he greeted you but the moment he entered he knew something was off. He felt in the air, bad energy he probably knew what was coming.

“Oh hey Kylian…I didn’t see you…” you said looking up at him and his heart broke when he saw your glossy eyes. He wanted to take your pain away so bad but he knew he couldn’t do it.

“Honey is everything okay?” he asked sitting on the couch next to you.

“Kyky…I think we should talk…” you said, your voice breaking a little.

“Okay…” he said grabbing your hands and putting them on his lap. He knew what was coming but still he wanted to believe you had to tell him something else.

“Kyky…” you called him completely breaking down “you know how much I love you and how much you mean for me…I’m so sorry, I really am, I don’t want to do this but I feel like I have no choice…I’m so sorry Kyky…I think we should take a break…” you explained avoiding his look but you could feel it on yourself “I can’t…I just can’t focus on our relationship anymore…I’m so sorry baby, I am, but I feel like my mind is going to explode at any moment, my thoughts are eating me alive and I can’t do nothing to stop them, my own fucking mind became my first enemy and I don’t know what to do and how to stop it…I only feel like I need time to myself and time to heal and I can’t do it right now Kyky…I tried, I really tried but I can’t…please don’t hate me, I couldn’t handle you hating me” you said finally looking at him.

His hands cupped your face and wiped your tears away.

“Baby girl I could never hate you…never in my life. You mean to much for me to hate you…but I get it, I really do…I wish I could take your pain away but I can’t and that’s fucking killing me because all I want to do is seeing you happy and smiling again…I wish I could take your pain so you don’t have to suffer again…I hate seeing you like this…” he started crying too because he loved you so much and he couldn’t handle seeing you like that. But he felt it. He felt everything you told him because in these past months he was the one to comfort you everytime you cried or your couldn’t sleep, he was the one to calm you down after an anxiety attack, he was the one to handle your mood swings every time you had a depressive episode, he was the one to take care of you when you wouldn’t want to leave your bed, he was the one to help you shower when you felt not doing it. He helped you with everything and you only felt a burden to him, you wanted to be happy and free again but you felt like you were trapped and you couldn’t set free. It was hard for you to explain what you were feeling but you were glad Kylian could understand.

“I just hate the fact that I’m hurting you…I didn’t want to break up Kylian, believe me please, I just want to feel happy again” you cried into his arms while he held you.

“It’s okay baby…I know, I know you just want to feel yourself again…all I care now is for you to feel better, and, boyfriend or not, I’ll be here, as long as you need me…I’ll never leave you, You’re not alone y/n and I want you to know that…I’m here and I will always be here for you…” he whispered into your ear trying to calm you down.

You spent the next hour crying in his arms. Words weren’t needed anymore. Him comforting you as he always did. You didn’t know where or what you were gonna do next but all you knew was that you wanted to feel happy and free again.

He wanted that too. That’s why he was sure that letting you go was the only solution for you to feel better again, but it didn’t matter if you broke up, you knew he was gonna be there, for you, always.

[mewos-laptop]

Yoooo intro post ???? ‼‼‼

Hey gamers, uhhh I'm Mewo/Albedo/Fruity and this is my general/mix of so much shit blog !!! My other one is strictly alterhuman based primarily, but I wanted one that my irl friends are permitted to be privy to lmao

Abt me: I'm queer, generally using the label "gay" for myself, an agender trans boy, and polyamorous aromantic/fictoromantic. I use a shit ton of pronouns, but I primarily use it/its, xey/xem, and rlly any noun neopronouns. I also use he/him, however I am brought much joy by my neopronouns being used, so he/him is secondary :P. I'm diagnosed with clinical anxiety (over most of the anxiety disorder spectrum, so including OCD and social), depression, and Hypermobile Spectrum Disorder (HSD), and am self diagnosed autistic, ADHD, and BPD.

I'm a singlet who will sometimes use we/us pronouns !!!! This is because I have severe separation of myself and my emotions and actions. I am aware and conscious that I am a single person logistically, however my lack of identity and moodswings cause me to feel that separation of self.

SPEAKING OF WHO I AM, KIN LIST JUST DROPPED Y'ALL (Subject to change/being outdated bc I don't have enough time in my day to add and remove every single questioning kin everytime smth happens in my brain XD)

We also have a list of "emotions" which may take hold, and information about them.

I'm an alterhuman, a xenogender user, and generally the cringiest person you'll meet !!! My interests that I'm gonna post abt mostly are alt fashion/fashion in general, OMORI/rlly just my friend's OMORI posts, my friend's writing projects, my own writing projects, Regretivator, various mental health stuff, and rlly just anything in general that I like (speaking of which check out Carolina Magat on YT/The Nursery Series my friend [@valleyfthdolls] makes it and it's cool and I play Cody hehe)

I'm a scene kid in style/music taste and a punk in ideals, sparkledog nightmare cringe boyfailure, baby Kandi kid, and the scary faggot transspecies the conservatives warned you about.

Oh yeah, I'm also a minor (16-18 age range) sooo NSFW/NSFT dni plsss Xp

Other DNI shit. I don't cover everything, but I do just block ppl who make me uncomfortable :3

-Including an entire new paragraph for this bc holy shit. THOSE WHO ARE NOT PLURAL WHO ENGAGE IN SYSCOURSE DO NOT INTERACT. No, I do NOT care abt your "hot takes" on endos, you are not plural, so leave it alone. I do not give a shit if sum1 is an endo, it literally has nothing to do w/ me, and I am not plural, so I do not understand that experience whatsoever. Leave it to plurals themselves to talk abt this shit, bc I am so tired of seeing singlets yap on and on abt endos.

-Identity police (specifically ppl who hate "conflicting" queer identities, bc literally sum1's identity has nothing to do w/ you XD), proshippers (I am fully aware it's fiction, no, I do not hate those who engage with hard topics in fiction, but that does not mean I want the romanticized view of those things for the titillation of the viewer on my dash, ESPECIALLY due to it triggering my intrusive thoughts), racists, homophobes, transphobes, Zionists, pro-cringeculture, anti-recovery blogs, anti-alterhuman, intersexists, radfems, blah blah blah y'all get it.

BYI: I will post the occasional vent, I have a godawful memory, and I am severely mentally ill. I will often react before thinking when I am in states of distress, and my BPD can make me inappropriately angry, or inappropriately emotional. I have a hard time remembering trigger tags at times due to my bad memory, so please give me gentle reminders if I mistag something, or if I forget to tag something for you. Just in general, if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, give me a gentle reminder, because chances are I just literally didn't realize/or I forgot.

Alr bye bye :3

[kortsitron]

Do you wanna know a secret?

Pairing: Young! Genji Shimada × Male! Reader

Warnings: alcohol, tiny bit of anxiety, slight cursing, friends to lovers ig, some dude having an intention to possibly hurt the reader but nothing happens

Summary: Genji asked you to go to a club, promising to not drink to much, so you can drink as much as you want and have fun. When he sees that stuff is getting out of control, he's getting you home, but alcohol won't let you keep your mouth shut.

Author’s Note: First Genji one shot cuz why nah. Also I am the only one who sees this man as pansexual??? Just my headcanon lol. Anyway enjoy this one shot! 🐉💚

You never were a type to go to a club, Genji was often there spending his time, but he was always asking you if you wanted to go with him. Everytime he would ask, you would say "no.". 

But Genji really wanted to go out with you. Promising not to drink a lot, so you can drink all you want, so you can relax and have some fun. He promised to take care of you and protect you if needed. You had to agree, especially after The Legendary Genji Shimada was begging you to go with him. It wasn't something that happened often, it was always people begging him. So that's how you ended up in the club.

Genji, as usual, was surrounded by people who would flirt with him, hoping for something and hoping for some free drinks. Of course, you were sitting at the same table as Genji and his "horny gang", but he made sure you would be close enough, so you two could talk and he could keep an eye on you. "You didn't finish your drink, something wrong?" Genji asked, putting his arm around you. 

"I dunno. You know I don't go to clubs often. It feels weird." You explained, playing with your fingers to relax. You couldn't dare to look at him, you felt a bit embarrassed.

"Hey, look at me." He said softly, but you still didn’t look at him. Genji rolled his eyes and grabbed you by the chin to make you look at him. It caused you to blush. Luckily lights in the club were making your blush invisible. "I promised you something. I want you to have fun. How about I get you a drink I'm sure you're going to love and then we hit the dance floor?"

"O-okay." You nodded, you didn't realize that you were holding your breath until Genji let go of your chin.

A couple of drinks later, you finally relaxed. You were sitting at the table, giggling with some random dude that you met at the dance floor. Alcohol blush was already on your face. 

Genji was a bit annoyed by the guy that was with you. He didn't like how close he was to you and the way he flirted with you. Genji knew he couldn't do anything. That guy didn't do anything bad, at least for now, so The Shimada had to keep his mouth shut and pretend he's having fun.

You just finished your drink, when you heard your new "friend" say "Why don't we go to my place?". You were too drunk to think, so all you could do was agree to the man's proposition. As you were standing up, Genji grabbed you by the arm and made you sit again.

"_____ is not going anywhere with you." Genji protested angrily. "Don't see he's drunk, you asshole?"

"Oh come on, he can make decisions on his own. Let's go, ____." Man grabbed you by your hand and he was ready to get you out of the club. At that moment, Genji swore that he would beat the shit out of that dude. He knew you wouldn't agree to going out with that guy if you were sober. 

Genji argued with the man a little more, before the guard came in to see what's happening. Genji wasn't in the mood to deal with him or the man anymore. He just paid for the drinks and decided to get you home. Luckily your apartment was not so far from the club, so Genji decided to walk you. 

"Why did we leave so early?" You asked, hiccups escaping your lips. "It's a long story and you're drunk as fuck, so it's time for you to go home." Genji chuckled at you. You hummed, not happy that you had to leave, you wanted to drink more. "Can we drink some more when we get home?"

"No way! You've had enough. Maybe next time." Shimada shook his head at you. "Please, Genjiii…" You mumbled. "You can try all you want, but the answer is still no." Till you got home, you two had stupid little conversations, because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. Genji thought that was kinda cute, you talking about random things, that didn't even make sense sometimes. He was trying not to laugh at you.

Finally you were in your apartment. Genji helped you get out of your clothes and got you on your bed. He was ready to leave, when he heard you beg. "Please don't leave." You breathed, Genji felt the smell of alcohol hit him right in the face. He couldn't say no to you. "Alright, I won't leave." He giggled, sitting on bed as you were laying. Then you started talking nonsense again. He couldn't help, but he was looking at you with heart-eyes. He was kinda happy that you were drunk, because if you wouldn't, you would have noticed. "Hey, come closer." You said out of nowhere, catching Genji a bit off guard. But he did come closer. Now he was on top of you. "Do you wanna know a secret?" You whispered, while putting your hands around his neck.

"I do." Genji answered, feeling heat going to his cheeks.

"I love you so much, Genji. I've never loved anyone this much before." Genji was stunned, it was so unreal. "Come on, kiss me." You giggled, getting closer to him. "I can't, you're drunk." Genji said, slightly pushing you away. He wanted to kiss you so much, but he wasn't going to do so when he knew that you didn't know what was going on. He gently took your hand off of him and sat on the bed again. "Go to sleep, okay?" Genji's hand gently stroked your cheek, before he stood up and left your room. He had no idea what to think. He wasn't expecting you to confess to him. He wanted to talk to you about it, but he knew he had to wait.

Genji decided to sleep on your couch, not only to wait, but also to keep an eye on you.

"Ah fuck, my head." You murmured to yourself. You opened your eyes, just to be blinded by the sun. You groaned at that and hid your face under the covers. "Someone turn that shit off."

Genji heard that, while making breakfast for both of you, giggled. "Good morning!" He slightly yelled while still giggling. You've been caught off guard. You didn't remember much from last night, so you had no idea Genji was at your apartment.

You got up, put on some comfortable clothes and went to the kitchen to see your best friend. "What are you doing here?" You asked, then smelled some food. "And what are you making?" 

"Pancakes. And I'm here, because I got you home last night, 'cuz you were pretty drunk. Wasn't sure if you would do anything stupid, so I decided to stay for the night. Hope you don't mind." He looked at you over his shoulder, before making that last pancake. 

"Did something bad happen last night?" You asked, going to Genji and taking a look at the pancakes. You could wait to eat them. "You befriended some random guy at the club that was trying to get you to his apartment when you were super drunk. Situation got a bit heated, so I decided that we should leave."

You didn't know what to say for a second. "I- Thanks, Genji." You blushed.

"No problem." After that short conversation, you two ate breakfast while watching television. "Thanks for the breakfast. I think I'm gonna lay a bit more, wanna join me?" You joked in a flirty way, winking at Genji. "How am I supposed to say no to that?" He playfully bit his lip as he watched you enter your room. Soon, Genji joined you in bed, lying on his side.

"So… You don't remember anything from last night since we came here?" Genji asked softly. "Not really. Please tell I didn't do anything stupid."

"Well, I wouldn't call it stupid. I would call it unexpected." You just hummed at that, signaling Genji to continue. "You confessed your love to me." At that very moment, you wanted to hide. "Fuck, this is not how I wanted to tell you. Sorry, Genji." You felt yourself blush. "No, no it's okay. I just… I wasn't expecting you would feel the same." Genji explained.

You looked at him, shocked at his words. You couldn't help, but smile at that. "Well, good to know. But I still wish I could tell while not being drunk." You chuckled. Genji chuckled as well. You noticed him looking at your lips, you smirked at that. "Do you want to kiss me, Shimada?"

"You have no idea how much I want to." Genji confirmed, biting his lips again. He put his hand on your face, getting closer to you.

"Come on, kiss me." You waited so long to kiss him and finally it was happening.

Genji's lips met yours. His lips were soft and warm. Your hands went around his neck, bringing him even closer, deepening the kiss. Your heart started beating faster and you smiled. Genji felt it and smiled as well, before ending the kiss. "You seem so happy to kiss me. It was your little dream or what?" He asked playfully.

"Just shut up and kiss me again."

[snakxreader]

I'm a big Chandlo self shipper so... could I maybe get a Chandlo x nonbinary reader story of the reader reassuring Chandlo about his anxiety? :03

A/N: HI HELLO YEA THIS BLOG IS STILL ALIVE!!!! Life’s just been a bit…much. I’m working on multiple requests at the moment, and (hopefully) I should be able to post a couple more over the week! That being said, enjoy the fic!

Chandlo x Reader (Anxiety Dawg…)

Meditation was usually something Chandlo had no trouble with! Anymore. He had become incredibly used to just sitting down and taking a few breaths to relieve his worries, just as Shelda had taught him. But it was kind of hard to, with the feeling of solid unmoveable rock in your chest.

Chandlo felt like he was going to be sick as the phone went to voicemail again. His partner hadn’t picked up in ages and it was starting to scare him. They should’ve been home by now, so why were they running so late?! Without even a text message or anything!

He tried to think of rational things, reasons why his partner would be running late. Caught up in traffic, boss wanted them to work late, hell, even a flat tire! But it didn’t stop his brain from running to the most dangerous situtaitions as well, where they could be stranded on the highway somewhere, or they had gotten into a carcrash and were seriously hut, or they couldve gotten robbed or…or things had gone their worst and they just…weren’t here anymore. And everytime he tried to curb them, they just got louder and louder. Because what if something bad had happened? What if they were hurt and he couldn’t do anything to stop it? Wasn’t he supposed to be there for them?

The click of the lock on the door jolted him out of his thoughts. He turned from his pacing to see you walking in from the outside.

“Sorry I’m late, traffic was awful tonight and-” Your sentence was cut off from Chandlo practically slamming himself into you, wrapping his arms around you.

“There you are! I was so worried about you!” Chandlo felt a weight off his conscience at you being perfectly safe and sound. “You don’t have any injuries right? Nothing?”

“Hun. You’re starting to sound like Eggabell..” You tease a bit, returning his hug. “Everything alright?”

“I just, you didn’t answer your phone, and-and you’re usually back by now-”

“My phone died, love.”

“...Oh.”

You gently rubbed Chandlo’s back, feeling him purr against you. “Spiraled a bit?”

“...Yeah.”

“Wanna put something on TV and cuddle for a little bit?”

“...Yeah.”

Chandlo gets off you, as you stand and head over to flop on the couch with him. You toss the blanket over you two and turn in the television, putting on some random game show for background noise.

You kiss his forehead. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, actually…” Chandlo sighs, before looking away in embarrassment. “Sorry for, uh, freaking out so much.”

“It’s ok hun, I know it can get rough sometimes.” You nuzzled against him. “And I’ll be there to soothe you when it does.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

[life-winners-liveblog]

(( Hihi it’s me, the person who gave the “nicest threat” returns, just wanna say rq that everytime i come back to tumblr, this is one of the first things I check and EVERYTIME I DO, I KEEP GETTING JUMPSCARED BY MUCH HAPPENED SINCE I LEFT- Anyways You are amaaaaazing yes ik i already said that but that’s bc it’s true <3

Anyways I’ll actually interact with the winners for once ))

-[ Heeeellloo hello hello! Social anxiety is consuming me once again but nevertheless, y’all can call mee… *pulls out a list..* Nate. Y’all can call me Nate- cause this is my first time talkin to y’all but I have been observing for a while,,,

and FOR THE NEW GUEST BAD MAD SAD BOY JIMMY SOLIDARITYGAMING! our favourite canary, ima send him two whole packet of marshmallows, feel free to share them with everyone else! Or gatekeep it for yourself, up to you.. ima riot if the two observing steal them- aND also ima give Scott & Grian a bunch of plants/flowers bc i can, Pearl.. have a book & a pencil case full of stationeries And for martyn.. *gives him a note that reads* “you get nothing <3” *immediately after, another note drops* “ jk have these, choose your favourite! Share if you want but knowing you, you probably won’t “ proceeding to drop him a bunch of hair clips of different variants

Turning over to the two observers, don’t think I forgot about you even though I just mentioned you guys literally a paragraph ago.. Scar you can have my keychain collection, you seem like the typa guy to like keychains idk why, Scott you don’t get shit cause respectfully.. fuck you <3 ]

(( WOW THATS LONG! Sorry not sorry for that <3 but I am sorry if it’s difficult to read,, Im very tired rn & my brain is not braining! ))

(Aw thank you so much!!!! :D)

LimL!Jimmy: Marshmallows?!?! ✨✨

Scott:... Well that was an emotional 180, It's giving me quite a bit of whiplash... Also thank you for the flowers they are quite nice.

~~~~~~~

Grian: Plants? hmmmmm, we can use these on the base don't you think? Maybe if we put them over there or... Maybe up next to the lighthouse? We could make a garden somewhe-... Are you even listening?

Pearl: Oh, yeah sure.

Grian: What was I saying then?

Pearl:... Something...something...plants...?

Grian:....

~~~~~~~~

Martyn:... I am going to share them just to spite you because screw you.

[ibelieveinthejrsupremecy]

‼️EMERGENCY POST‼️

I might potentially be homeless in a week! I don't have enough money to rent any place and I'm trying to reach out to friends and even co-workers for help, tips on this blog would be appreciated!

I'm 21 years old (until November of this year), I'm a trans man, and I'm getting kicked out by two emotionally abusive narcs and I desperately need help financially if I can't find a place to live. At this point, it feels like a life or death situation because I am losing hope for anything in life. Existing is just hard and if I can't find any help, I know I'm gonna do something stupid to myself.

TW: talk of transphobia, self-unaliving/harming thoughts, and emotional/psychological abuse under the cut.

I have been living with these two people for almost 3 years and I have been nothing but miserable. Initially they wanted to help me get on my feet but things changed when they found out I am trans. They have made transphobic comments such as "Do you have a dick between your legs?" "Are you sure you aren't just confused or genderfluid?" "Its your persona, not the real you" and more.

I have attempted to reach out to others about this, but they "don't want to pick sides" and let it happen. I have never felt more alone than I did.

Struggling with chronic depression and anxiety, I tend to lose motivation to even do the simplest things. Things like; showers, brushing my teeth, getting out of bed, remembering to do chores. That has gotten me into issues with my two roommates, always making me feel bad about those things. And when I attempted to explain myself, they would always say "We brought you in when your mom told you to move out, you should be grateful. We work full time jobs, you have more off time than us for being part time, you shouldn't be struggling to remember to do chores. You're lazy, irresponsible, you hardly do anything to help yourself and always say 'oh I forgot' all the time."

They tell me that I take advantage of their kindness and generosity. When I first started to live with them, they say they "allowed" me to cut my hair when I first did it, as if I had no say in what I did with my own body.

Everytime I was happy and in a good mood and said something, they pointed out that it was weird and stupid to say. They constantly made me feel bad whenever I expressed about being in a good mood over something I enjoyed. Everytime they're around, I always felt uncomfortable in their presence like I was walking on eggshells. Just their mere presence always made me uncomfortable.

It's only recently that I started to think of relapsing with self-harm, something I haven't done in probably 8 years? I do have a blade that I use as a self defense going to and from work. I haven't tho, thankfully, but I still think and consider it. I also started to think "things would be better if I was just gone. The people that I live with hate me, so it's a good idea" and thinking that scares me. I don't trust myself to be alone anymore. And if I do end up on the streets, I know I'll do something stupid because it would basically feel like I got nothing to lose.

I used to get so angry whenever they said or did any of these things. But living with them for this long, I'm just tired and more depressed than ever, and today was the final straw.

Today marks the day that they gave me an ultimatum; get my shit together in order to stay or get kicked out. So please, if you're willing to give me a tip on this blog, I would appreciate that a lot because now every. Penny. Counts.

[forvendetta]

this is for the most beautiful, wonderful @destinedtobeloved <3 i felt the urge to write something for you and i hope you like this. thank you, Katie for being an absolute darling and bringing light into my days. with all my love, Max

Trigger warning; blood and implied suicidal tendencies

Maverick has always had a bad habit of biting his nails and the skin around it. That’s why he has bloodied bandages around his fingers most of the time. He does it when he’s stressed, nervous or simply bored, and sometimes just for the pain factor.

Goose keeps him from doing it with a gentle ”Stop it, honey.” and gives Mav his hand to play with, bending his fingers (and later with his wedding ring).

At Top Gun, Goose begins to carry a roll of bandage tape with him just for Maverick, because the pilot keeps nibbling his fingers raw from stress and anxiety. There’s a lot on his plate along with the usual bullshit. Most of the time, Maverick doesn’t even notice he’s doing it until he nips too far.

They’re studying in class when that one time happens, and Goose was too focused to notice earlier.

”Shit.” Mav mutters and tries to keep his hand at an angle so he’s not messing the table and papers in front of him.

Goose turns to look at the small commotion to notice his pilot’s now bloody hand, ”Oh, Mav. C’mon.” the RIO stands up and ushers his pilot out of the classroom towards the bathroom. Goose could feel the questioning gazes of the others, but he doesn’t stop as leads Mav out.

”I’m sorry, Goose- I didn’t realize I was doing it-” Maverick whines, scared that he has somehow disappointed his big brother. Bad habits die hard, and even if it breaks Goose’s heart every time that Mav thinks he will somehow hurt him, he can never be angry at him.

”No, no, honey it’s okay. C’mon let me clean them up, okay?” Goose murmurs, guiding Mav to stand in front of the sink. He takes Mav’s hands in his and begins gently washing them with cold water, trying not to weep himself everytime Mav flinches because of the piercing pain.

”I’m really sorry.” Mav mumbles, looking down at the sink as Goose rolls the bandage tape around a finger at a time. The RIO kisses his forehead, ”Mav, it’s okay. I’ll never be angry with you.” Goose promises. He knows Maverick wants to fight it but doesn’t, instead lets Goose coddle over him.

”All done, trouble.” Goose whispers, ruffling Mav’s hair.

Mav sighs, ”I don’t want them to say anything.”

Goose frowns, knowing Mav already has a hard time proving that he belongs there, no matter what his old man did or didn’t do. He’s fighting to even have a chance and every small weakness will be used against him. It makes Goose’s blood boil.

”They won’t, honey. I promise.”

”But how do you-”

”Have I ever broken my promises?”

”No…”

”Exactly. C’mon, Mav, let’s go finish up and we can go to the beach later. How about that?” Goose smiles, knowing how easy it is to excite Maverick.

Mav gives a toothy grin back, melting Goose’s heart as he always does. ”Thanks dear.” for everything.

[rianafying]

this is not necessarily a happy journal entry but

i’ve had a lot of happy moments lately. and relief. also chaos but that’s nothing unusual, the happiness is. noticed something that made me upset just now. also opened bumble god knows why. i know fully well i don’t want to date, and yet, i opened bumble. it’s not like i have time to kill. in fact, i have no time. there’s so much stuff i’m meant to be doing. i just added a whole bunch of stuff to my master to do list. here comes the hyperventilation. i prayed the other day. i felt so bad that i prayed. can yall imagine how much anxiety it takes to get to a point where i genuinely broke down enough to beg god for help? but it means something. it means i have hope. it means i want things to get better. it means i feel it’s worth it. this is a start contrast to my indifference and disinterest in living last year. things are different now. i am different. nothing changes. everything changes. it feels like a cycle but also there’s something new about it. everytime i regain my will to life. you can’t force these things. it has a mind of its own. also going back to bumble, it’s such a waste of time for me and also it makes me feel a few things: 1) like dating is so strange, i don’t have it in me to do the whole ritual, it’s not organic, it feels forced, and superficial, it’s not for me, not for who i am right now. 2) it makes me think about aspects of myself that i have struggled a lot to make peace with, such as my appearance, my personality etc through the lens of others, like why would i ever subject myself to such torment, when i know i hate being perceived 3) i am too impatient and disinterested to send the first message or to wait for a response and then to carry on a conversation. there’s more points but ill just keep rambling for eternity. why am i even saying all this, why am i thinking so much about it, clearly this has struck something in me, since i feel so strongly about it and am desperately trying to make sense of it. the thing is. i like who i am. i like how things are going. that is not something i can say like ever. but can now. and i’m doing fine. and i do have the time. to be silly. to waste some. i don’t actually have to do the things, i just want to do them. and a break is never long enough to do everything i ever wanted to do. instead i’ll focus on the progress i’ve made, which is anything but little. i should be and i am extremely proud of myself. oh funny thing happened the other day, i accidentally splashed boiling water onto my face and chest when trying to break a bone in my stockpot. and i gave myself a pretty nasty burn that covers more than half my face. the left side. my left. your right. the side with the mole. anyway, so i dealt with it, i’ve been told to avoid exposing my face to the sun or heat in general. so ive been eating a lot of cold foods. and coincidentally watching that episode on gilmore girls where the dragonfly inn catches fire, and sookie can’t use the stoves until the insurance company pays for the contractor to fix them and she lists cold foods, all types of salads and carpaccios. i don’t eat raw meat/fish and i’m over my salad craze. i’m craving a hot roast chicken sandwich with cold tomatoes and zesty mayo on toasted brioche buns. the way i make it. i’m rlly hungry. and there is this lingering melancholy that just grows if i don’t address it every now and then.

for someone who is absolutely terrible at writing, i sure do write a lot. and this is technically writing. right?

even though things are better, i’m not yet okay. my mind still spins too fast. nothing sticks. i’m in distress because my friends are distress. how can we actually be happy if the ones we love are not. so many people so many attachments. it’s been a while since i’ve even had the mental capacity to care for others. i’m hungry as fuck. something is off, something feels bad. is it my hunger. is it my messed up sleep schedule. is it my perpetually cluttered room. is it the pressure of expectations. is it my godawful health, mental or physical. is it eternal.

i can’t fix everything. i can’t fix anything really. i can’t fix things at a rate fast enough to keep up with the pace of destruction. in this life there is too much to fight against. but also too much to fight for. at least i can take solace in the fact that it ends. which is not so much a fact to me as it is a hope. god forbid the heavens exist. i couldn’t take another minute of being, after i have been so relentlessly my whole life. i’m hungry. i’m scared. i’m hopeful. i’m apprehensive. always anticipating danger but never quite ready for it. nothing is ever right enough. except when i find a bit of poetry that changes the fabric of my being. maybe i just need to be receptive in case some poetry finds its way to little old me.

[fictionplumis]

Some progress has been made!

I saw a Cardiologist yesterday and almost broke my "did not cry during a doctor's appointment" streak. (We are up to 3 now, woot!)

So basically, my heart is doing one of two things. Either it's going, "I need to emulate my hero and savior Sonic the Hedgehog," and is always beating so fast for no legitimate reason. Like with POTS. Or it's going, "Oh shit, this place is fucked, I gotta beat faster to make sure all the blood goes to the right places." This would be my heart reacting to another factor in the body and feeling like it's necessary to speed up, like if I had some underlying rheumatalogical condition.

I already knew things like POTS could really fuck up your system, and I've never been officially diagnosed but I've been pretty sure I've had it since high school, when I mentioned to my mom that I get tunnel vision everytime I stand up and she immediately took me to get an MRI. I didn't think it would make just existing doing the bare minimum to live such a hell.

Anyway, he's putting me on meds to slow my heart down. Either these meds will work and I'll feel weird for a bit and then start feeling better as my body adjusts, meaning it IS my heart deciding to go 130 BMP for funsies while I'm doing literally nothing, or the meds will work but I'll feel much, much worse because my heart does, in fact, need to go that fast because this place is fucked.

And by this place, I mean my body.

Now, he did mention working out! He explained that he would usually start treatments for something like this without medication first, but unlike the rheumatologist, he took my struggles seriously and said that since simple, daily tasks are such a struggle, and my heart rate is so high at rest, the medication needs to come first so I can get to the point that I CAN start low effort physical therapy.

He also asked if I had researched my symptoms online and if there was anything I've found or heard of that I felt matched my symptoms best, which god fucking bless dude, that's one hell of a green flag for a doctor.

The hardest part about dealing with doctors for me is that I have this defense mechanism where I am "an open book" and speak honestly and openly about my struggles, but in a very friendly and humorous tone. Like, "I'm so emotionally exhausted that I can't concentrate on much anymore. I've beaten Baldur's Gate like twelve times because I know everything that happens and it's low effort now. I'm so tired of playing Baldur's Gate, man." It's true! My tone usually implies humor and a joke, and I guess that makes people go, "Oh, things are difficult for her but she's okay enough to make light of them."

And I don't know how to not do that?

Even the nice doctors that took me "seriously" still didn't seem to quite understand the full scope of me saying, "I haven't left the house for eight months for anything but doctor's appointments. I haven't seen my friends in eight months. My family goes to eat dinner without me and brings me home lukewarm, soggy food in a takeout container. I've had to stop my sewing projects because my arm gets tired so quick holding down a sewing pattern that I can't trace around it without taking a break, and then the pattern gets misaligned and I get frustrated and start crying. I'm on antidepressants because I can't do any of my hobbies, I have nothing to distract me from this hell where simply reaching up for a cup in the cabinet feels like a herculean task, my room is a mess because I can't clean it up, and I was crying three to four times a day. Now I only cry once or twice a week. I am scared, and lonely, and everyone in my house works full time so it's hard for them to help, and I try not to ask them for much. When I do need to ask for help, I often spend a few hours having an anxiety attack before working up the nerve, and if they say no, I feel guilty for immediately bursting into tears over it and making them feel bad about it. My hair looks awful because I usually keep it short but I can't go through the effort of getting dressed and leaving the house for a haircut, so I took a pair of scissors to it in a Britney Spears style meltdown and you know what? She had the right idea!"

I guess something in my tone just implies hyperbole? Or maybe I don't come across as distressed enough while saying it, so they think it can't be possibly be this awful, life-ruining thing? Unfortunately, breaking down crying doesn't convince them either, I've tried that already. So IDK how to get doctors to understand what I'm feeling.

This guy, though?

I front of his two student shadows, this motherfucker, who is the softest spoken person I've ever met, by the way, leans over his knees and looks me dead in the eye to say, "I want you to know that you're an amazing person. I can't imagine the kind of strength it takes to deal with this for as long as you have with no answers, and still be pushing yourself to come to appointments like this when everything is so difficult for you. If this is cardiac related, I want you to know that we're going to figure this out and get you back out there in the world. At your age, you should be out with your friends, having fun and living your life, not isolated and struggling like this. Do you have a support group? Who all is in it?"

Man. There is something about sincere compassion and genuine concern that hits right to the core, and I could barely keep myself from bursting into tears.

For all my jaded bullshit with the doctors and the American medical system, sometimes you end up finding a gem.

So either these new pills will work and in the next couple of months I can start a long path to recovery, or they won't but I'll be able to tell every other specialist I see that we 100% know my fast heart rate is a symptom of something else, not everything else being a symptom of a cardiac issue.

[bluegekk0]

Hello, I heard about the ask that you received from the anon and I am very sorry that you have to deal about that and I know that you are very insecure about your au being “not making any sense” but I don’t want you to think that way because you are just an artist who just loves pale king and makes cool ideas

Your au is not cringe or bad, your au is unique and creative, and you should be proud of it its just that sometimes that others can be jerks and assholes to people

You are not really alone because I share the same anxiety and worry as same as you every time I think about posting stuff about my own au as well.

I got an idea about what if winged nosk and nosk didn’t die but the survived from ghost and hornet

I headcanon that winged nosk was killed by hornet/herrah and ascended from godhome and I would like to make an au about what if winged nosk didn’t die but survived and was seeking revenge together with nosk (ghost nosk) which is why I made the devious duo au

Last couple months ago, I received a very heart amount of criticism from an anon in my inbox, about how much that they think that having winged nosk and nosk together would be a  crackship and a abomination of a kind and it would end badly as well and a couple of more stuff that I don’t like to put in detail…..

I wasn’t even trying to ship them both together, and I just thought that I think that winged nosk and nosk would be good teammates and all but the person whoever sent the ask is probably dirty minded and I made me so uncomfortable that I literally deleted all my old devious au stuff and including the comic cover I made. I really lost all my courage and I was very hesitant to post nosk art but I still post more nosk art because I still loved the character despite I received the most uncomfortable and painful ask I received in my inbox

Same as you, I created the devious duo au because it is just my comfort au and I love to make stuff about the nosks because I think that they are cool and I believed that they needed more attention because they don’t get enough love and they don’t get that much popularity from others which is why I kept drawing them

Everytime I see posts about your feral pale king au and your rambles, you gave me a bit of courage and confidence  to post the introduction of my au which I am very insecure about because it doesn’t fit in hk lore

I deleted my old art and introduction and all my nosk duo art files because I was so insecure about it and I was thinking if I should abandon it forever like I did to my old pale king au and my other au ideas (I used to be a fan of pale king but I threw away all my pale king fanart because I was scared of hate)

There are even times I tried to delete my tumblr account because I fear of getting bullied of the stuff I make

But its just an AU! And everyone is just having Fun!

I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS LONG ASK AKJHAKJSH

oh don't worry about it at all! i love reading through long asks like this!

that sounds horrible, i am so sorry you had to deal with those anons, no one deserves that kind of treatment, especially over something so harmless. people are way too judgmental and entitled when it comes to stuff like this, and it pisses me off every time i see it. i'm really sorry you had to go through that

your au idea sounds very interesting! i think i mentioned it to you at some point, it might have been on discord, i don't remember. but i always find it so charming and so inspiring when i see people attached to really minor (and often unpopular) characters, like nosk/winged nosk in your case

seriously, what that anon said to you is so cruel and for what? a harmless au idea? it's horrible. again, i'm really sorry that happened to you. and i'm sorry to hear how much it affected your confidence

if i can offer some advice, as someone who also has confidence issues, just do what you love. some people will have a problem with it, it's inevitable, but as long as you're not hurting anyone and are just enjoying yourself, to hell with them. they don't deserve your time, and you shouldn't waste time thinking about what they're gonna say. i know it's difficult sometimes, there are times when stuff like that really gets to you, i know that, i've been there. but think about all the other people who enjoy your work and want to see it, people who leave nice comments and reblog your art to show it to more people. and most importantly of all, think of yourself and how happy working on your au makes you. that is what really matters. we're all here to enjoy ourselves, after all

and if it doesn't "fit the lore"? if it "goes against the canon"? screw that. i have great respect for people who are careful and stay true to the canon, that's dedication on its own. but the idea that it's the only way to enjoy something is bullshit. make goofy aus. go crazy with them. if it makes you happy, then there's nothing wrong with that. the way i see it personally, canon is a good starting point for creativity, not a set of rules. more of a suggestion. you don't have to strictly follow it, that would be boring, if you ask me

i really hope you can find more confidence. if my art can help you with that, then that makes me happier than you can imagine. and please, if you ever need any words of encouragement, or just want to chat and share your ideas, you're always free to message me. we need to support each other, and we need to hype each other up. that's what being an artist is about, creating stuff and inspiring others

you got this friend, i believe in you. draw what makes you happy, share it with people who care. because people do care, there's always someone who does. stay strong ❤️

[rosenallies]

“I can't leave if you're dead! don't you get that?! i'll revisit this place every time i close my eyes!” from the protective prompt w/ Movie Star AU. Sasha and Anetra are practicing a scene from the movie in Sasha’s hotel room. At the end of the scene there’s a dramatic kiss 🤭

This isn’t giving protective at all but hey 😭😭 ty for sending this <3

—-

Anetra’s eyes scanned the script in front of her, hyper aware of the way Sasha watched her instead of looking at her own printed script, which sat on the desk, discarded. Of course she’s already off book, Anetra thought to herself. They’d only had the 450 page script for a month and her co-star seemilgly had it all together, lines and blocking in all.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Sasha asked, pulling Anetra from her concentration on the words in front of her, namely the words in italics reading that she and Sasha were meant to kiss in this scene.

“Um,” Anetra stuttered, flushing dusty pink, “no, just trying to memorize my lines, I guess.”

Sasha chuckled. “I remember my first movie-“

Anetra was quick interupt her. “This isn’t my first movie.”

“You didn’t let me finish. I meant to say that I remember my first movie kiss.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t-“

“Don’t worry about it,” Sasha replied with a wink, “just relax, okay? We’ll start from line 15?”

Anetra nodded, ignoring the pang of anxiety in her stomach and the way her heart started to beat out of her chest. She took a deep breath and let her setting into character.

“I can’t leave if you’re dead! Don’t you get that?! I’ll revisit this place everytime I close my eyes!”

Sasha stepped closer, grabbing onto her wrist. “Nothing bad is going to happen. We can just-“

“We can’t,” Anetra hissed, “someone will find out.”

Sasha looked at her intensely, Anetra’s heart pounding. She couldn’t tell if she was so in character she felt her character’s emotions or if this was something real. She ignored the fact that she still had the script in front of her.

“Let them. Let them find out, who cares?”

“We should,” Anetra whispered, taking a step toward her.

“Should we?”

The dialogue paused, Anetra wiping her sweaty hands on her jeans as Sasha came closer. Sasha nodded slightly before surging forward and pressing her lips into Anetra’s.

While they kissed, Anetra felt like the world was standing still, everything around her disappeared and all that mattered was Sasha and her soft lips and the way her arms were looped loosely around her waist.

It was all that mattered until the kids was over and Sasha pulled away.

“I think we could do better,” she said, “it’s supposed to be more dramatic. It was lacking passion.”

“Uh, yeah, I agree,” Anetra muttered, stepping backward, careful not to trip over her own two feet as she backed away, “but I’m pretty beat, I’m gonna go back to my room. We have a long day on set tomorrow.”

“Okay, night, Netra,” Sasha replied with a smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Anetra nodded, muttering a quick goodnight as she slipped out the door, shutting it behind her and letting out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding in. Her heart still beat fast and her hands shook. She speed walked back to her room, ignoring the chorus of thoughts running though her brain saying that it was the best kiss she’d ever had, despite it not being real.

[definitely-west-virginia]

Posting this here instead of my main, too worried abt the moot in question seeing this and then feeling bad. Moot in question, if you do somehow see this, it's not your fault

Post under cut because I don't think people wanna see my ramblings from a gimmickblog ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I swear, social anxiety and chronic overthinker are one hell of a mixture, because here I am, having a casual conversation with a moot in our messages, but I'm worrying that I said something wrong because they just take a while to send messages back, but I'm worrying because they're taking a long time to respond and I'm worrying that I'm talking about myself too much. Even though I just pointed out that something similar happened to me aswell. AHSGSGAHSHGSHA

And I feel like everytime I try to type ANYTHING, I'm walking on eggshells. Just "Oh yeah, I've recently gotten into x by y! :D" and the whole time I'm debating sending it even though they asked ME what I got interested in recently and then when I do send it, I feel like they just blocked me for it, because "Oh god, what if they know stuff about y that I don't that's has changed their opinion on anything made by y, including x, to being negative. What if they have fans of x, and by extension y in general in their DNI but they just didn't list it???" AUSYTDSUUSGS7AIHSH WHYYYY

Btw, I'm not self-diagnosing, my social anxiety is diagnosed by my therapist.