#like. that time. i was suicidal a lot and barbatos wasn't smiling and all..

[expressionless-fr]

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't because of him.

[rainpudding]

note; m will be in my next post, someone else already requested it >3

tw; depression,suicide and ed mentioned,alcohol dying and etc..

KAEYA | ANGST ALPHABET

catcall die kidnapped time

Kidnapped (you’re kidnapped)

Most people would say Kaeya would develop a strong alcohol addiction to forget that his lover went missing however I have to strongly disagree.

When Kaeya gets home and he can't find you anywhere he won't think much of it. Maybe you went to visit your family and forgot to tell him, or you're having a sleepover with a friend. On the outside, he seems calm as for the next three days he goes to work acting as nothing happened. But on the inside he is panicking, he gets his work done as soon as possible as he gets home just to sit down on a chair staring at the door. He Is waiting for the door to open and you to appear. He is sitting there for hours and hours.

After a week of you not appearing he blames himself for not reaching for help sooner as it may be too late to found you. He calls knight of favounius and citizens of mondstat goes in groups looking for you. Traveler makes missing posters trying to help at least a little bit.

Kaeya wants to forget you but he slowly loses interest in alcohol, it feels like it lost Its taste.

His public calm image is slowly breaking as his mind is filled with dark imaginations. He slowly forgets to eat meals or to keep himself hydrated.

Apart from Childe who gets obsessive filled with hope, Kaeya gets depressive knowing that there is no possibility you can be okay.

Jean first notices Kaeya's depression when she sees him standing in the middle of the hall. His eyepatch is missing his messy hair covering his eye. He wears only his white shirt as he is visibly confused.

The dehydration and sleep deprivation have a bad impact on him. Jean knows something is wrong and sends him home in order to take a break. Which does not help since Kaeya should have human interaction and get meds not be home.

Diluc gets worried as he makes meals for him carrying them to his house. The house is a mess as Kaeya is unable to clean which results in Dikuc quickly putting Kaeya's mess into the bin trying to clean up at least a little bit.

Kaeya, on the other hand, doesn't want to go to sleep but once he is asleep he doesn't want to wake up. He can't get out of his bed. Becoming more disoriented and slowly forgetting why he is sad in the first place.

He doesn't remember your face anymore, nor your name. He doesn't remember you at all.

And one morning when Diluc opens door to Kaeya's room holding breakfast to his surprise he finds Kaeya in his bed. Melatonin pills everywhere as he slowly realizes Kaeya overdosed himself.

But let's imagine you were found and you came home just before Kaeya got depressed.

You open the door with a crack quickly closing it as you finally feel safe. You were missing for almost three months yet since day one you were dreaming of the moment when you will be able to hug Kaeya again.

You look around finding your shared house slightly messy. The bin is filled with old food. The boxes on tables are also filled with untouched food. You wander around softly smiling at the pictures and decorations.

You pinch yourself just to be sure this is not one of the fantasies you always dreamed about. Opening one of the doors you walk in just to see Kaeya peacefully sleeping in pillows and blankets. His hair messy and his eyepatch still on.

You don't want to wake him up yet you're too excited to wait. You run to him as you hug him tightly. Sweet tears rolling down your cheeks as you sniffle Kaeya's scent.

Kaeya tries to push you away murmuring from his sleep before sleepily opening his eyes. They are dark as the ocean as the sparkles died down. His smirk wasn't decorating his face anymore. Instead, he sighed rubbing his eyes.

You would stroke his cheeks as you hold his chin softly. You're saying reassuring words while smiling with glossy eyes. He finally realizes that you're real. Grabbing your hands to squeeze them and peppering your face with many kisses.

And after a whole hour of hugging each other and you telling him about your kidnapper he decides to go to knights of favounius so they can throw your kidnapper into jail.

However, as he stands up you suddenly stop him as you look at his body. You can see how skinny he got, how his bones are seen, and how his skin is pale. Not to mention the blue hair on the pillow signalizing hair loss.

And you realize that he barely ate. That's why there were boxes with untouched food.

"Later, I'm hungry can we go for lunch first?" You smile brushing your thumb against Kaeya's hand as he nods.

- it would take some time for Kaeya to start taking care of himself again. But when you're with him he is willing to try.

- He will take a break to spend time with you as you cook together and clean the house later even going for a walk.

- eventually, give him few months and he will be healthy again.

Catcall (you’re catcalled and he’s with you)

Same as Diluc, Kaeya is well known and has a reputation. There is no way someone would catcall you on purpose. Yet let's imagine some drunk group catcalling you in front of your boyfriend.

This would go based on how bold they are.

1; if they will call you baby or any pet name maybe hinting something romantic. Kaeya will just chuckle as he is listening to them. He wouldn't get angry as he thinks it's funny how they try to flirt with you. "You should watch what you say, honorary citizens," he smiles as he is supporting his chin.

2; they would get more inappropriate or even try to touch you. This would make Kaeya slightly alerted. When they say something inappropriate he just slowly moves you next to you or into his lap. Or he has a hand around your waist. They will notice him and leave you alone. Yet if they continue even touching you he would be pissed. He doesn't want to make a scene yet he has to make a move. He stood up taking his sword pointing it at the drunk person's chest. He is glaring at that person as the person shivers apologizing. Kaeya's gaze is terrifying. But as soon as the person apologizes he hides his sword sitting next to you again.

The person will probably never come to the tavern again.

Time (you’re ill and only have a few months to live)

Kaeya started noticing that the last few days you didn't felt very well. And the symptoms you were experiencing were quite unique. Pale skin and black bags under the eyes because of insomnia. Hairloss and muscle pain. You not being hungry and constant vomiting. Scars and bruises randomly appearing on your skin.

His eyebrows were scrunched as he had a sad expression on his face. Yet every time you greeted him he quickly smiled and giggled pulling you into a hug and giving you lots of affection. You knew something wasn't right with you too, but you tough maybe it was an allergy or just some mental illness that could go away with few herbs.

Eventually, after the symptoms continuing Kaeya decided to visit Albedo. This resulted in you spending the whole weekend at Albedo's place. He took your blood and saliva, checking your bones and trying to massage the muscles. Taking detailed notes very carefully.

And when the tests were done and you got to know you're slowly dying as your organs are slowly collapsing, you couldn't do anything but blankly stare onto the wall. You felt hopeless. You knew you had few days to live before dying a painful death yet you weren't ready. All your dreams and goals were left in the dust.

Kaeya on the other hand couldn't believe it. He was following Albedo around asking him if It's true and how can he help you. He pinched himself several times, trying to get out of this nightmare. Kaeya grew desperate as he begged Albedo on his knees to make medication. Albedo would of course love to help but he didn't know how so he would dismiss Kaeya over and over.

Kaeya's wasn't mentally well. He would be obsessed with finding some medication. Contacting Baizhu from Lyuie. Spending all his money on different doctors and different people. He didn't even realize that at this time he should pay attention to you and go on dates with you. Instead, he was away in different nations looking for herbs and scientists.

Die (their reaction when you die/your reaction when they die)

And once Kaeya finally arrives home full of despair as he got few herbs but no medication he slowly walks around the room. But before he can hug you and reassure you and spend time with you he finds you on the floor. You were just taking few painkillers writing a diary entry as you collapsed eventually your organs giving in.

He would sit down in panic his eyes glossy as his breathing is slow. "Breathe, common please breathe, to the archons. Lord barbatos y/n breathe," he repeats himself over and over as tears roll down his cheeks. His hands shaking as he cheks your heartbeat.

Your body so cold and your eyes blank. Without a pinch of life. And that's when he breaks down.

Completely sobbing at your dead body. Brushing his hands over your skin as he peppers your face with kisses. "I'm sorry I didn't try harder, I'm useless, I'm a burden. I can't do anything right," he kisses you. But nothing.

You didn't wake up.

He kisses you again expecting you to wake up. In movies, they always wake up.

But this is not a movie.

This is a painful reality.