#like... there must be some tension there that's never been addressed ever since the Billy incident

[heckinggno]

Can't stop thinking about the possible dynamics between the Sanderson sisters. Personally, I kind of think of Winnie as the one who serves the role of a "mother", but in a sense that she's the one who keeps them alive and thinks of ways to solve their problems. But at the same time, she's also left unsupported in many things (especially emotional-related things), which then brings in Mary.

While Mary is not smart enough to help Winnie, the responsibility of keeping her eldest sister emotionally stable falls on her shoulders. She feels like the parentified child, the one that the "mother" approaches when things are too tough and negative thoughts need to be released. But in a way, she also fills in the role of a mother who is compassionate and concerned with her family's emotional well-being.

And finally, we have Sarah. She's the child, the baby of the family, and we know this since she's never been given heavy responsibilities. Winnie's constant annoyance with her is reminiscent of a mother exasperated with her youngest child. Meanwhile, her dynamic with Mary is that of a younger and older sister. It's also interesting to see how Mary's coddling is limited to Winnie alone—despite her being the eldest of the three—while Sarah's emotional being is kind of ignored (This is just an assumption of course, since the movies mostly show Mary's relationship with Winnie).

And... honestly I don't really know where I'm going with all this. Just know that I have many, many thoughts about them and the intricacies in their relationship piques my interest.

[zamoimagines]

Wrong Number

Word Count: 2,219

Pairings: Billie Dean Howard x Reader

Chapters: 1, 2

Summary: You’d meant to send a selfie to someone else. Instead, you sent it to your old crush, Billie, whom had been friends with your parents for years. You were mortified and ready to face the embarrassment. To your surprise, Billie sent a picture back. 

A/N: Hey ya’ll! thank you for being patient, I know you guys have been waiting for this one. I had fun writing this chapter. Hope ya’ll like it!

The wind whistled from outside as you paced back and forth in your living room. After the phone call, you had sent Billie your address. She only replied with a wink emoji.

You were steel reeling from the call. This wasn’t a joke or a dream whatsoever. You were about to go on a date with your oldest crush! Your high school self would have screeched at an opportunity like this. Though, you presently were freaking the fuck out.

You continued to walk toward your couch, then back to the front door. Back and forth. You couldn’t stop yourself. This was all so much, not in a bad way, but you couldn’t deny that you were extremely nervous to see her. You hadn’t heard from her in literal years… yet she still remembered you. Obviously she thought about you. This realization nearly made you faint.

Just as she had asked, you were wearing the exact shirt from the photo. It wasn’t one you wore often because it made you feel vulnerable. That alone was making you anxious. To cover up a little, you threw on a nice cardigan and left it open. It made the outfit feel so much cozier, which in return, made you feel much more comfortable. You had made sure to touch up your makeup and fixed your hair. Now it was just a waiting game.

As you continued to pace, the intrusive thoughts in your mind only got louder. What if this was all a mistake? What if she changed her mind and wouldn’t show up? It would be so embarrassing if she bailed on you last minute. This was too much for you to take.

A loud honking sound came from outside of your home. You glanced up at your window. In the driveway, there was Billie’s car. It looked the exact same as the last time you had seen her.

A big smile grew on your face. You hoped to god this would all work out.

Quickly, you fled out the door and locked up. You tried your best to look as calm and collected as you could as you made your way to her car. You opened the passenger door before slipping inside.

Billie was as beautiful as ever. She had changed into something else. Instead of the silk blouse, she was wearing a rather tight fitting cocktail dress that hugged her body perfectly. Her long blonde hair fell in soft yet voluminous curls. You couldn’t recount all of the nights you thought about running your fingers through it. Billie gave you a cheeky grin.

“Have I stunned you?” She said.

You blushed hard. You didn’t realize that you’d been staring at her. Your eyes instantly gazed at the ground as you tried to hide how flustered you were by seeing her again.

“Uh… Not at all, I… I…” you were struggling to find words.

Her hand moved under your chin as she gently lifted your head. Her eyes met your own.

“It’s okay, honey. You can be attracted to me.” she replied with a small chuckle.

You weren’t sure how to react. All you could think about was the thick, hypnotizing scent of her perfume. She hadn’t changed one bit.

“It’s good to see you.” you managed to say.

“It’s very nice to see you, Y/N.” Billie began, “Shall we?”

You nodded as she pulled out of the driveway.

The car ride was rather quiet. Not in an awkward way, there were no bad vibes whatsoever. But there was an extreme tension between the two of you. What were you supposed to say to her?

She glanced over at you while she drove. You could see her grinning to herself.

“I see you’re wearing the shirt.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you by wearing something else.”

Billie couldn’t keep her eyes off of you even as she was trying to drive.

“I’m glad you didn’t change. It looks much better on you in person.”

You tried hard not to giggle. You felt like a fucking school girl being hit on by a hot older teacher. You had to admit, it was the best feeling in the world right now.

When you arrived at the restaurant, she led you inside. Usually at a nice place like this you would have to make reservations week ahead to even wait for a table. Though, when Billie took you in, they already had a table ready for her. She always had a way with people. Not to mention she was a celebrity now with her new show.

The host sat you two down at a remote table on the terrace of the restaurant. Fairy lights were strewn about overhead that illuminated the small garden that was flourishing with a variety of flowers. A small candle was lit in the middle and a bottle of champagne had already been chilling next to the table. There weren’t any other guests out here; just you and Billie. This was probably the most romantic first date you’d ever been on.

“This place is beautiful…” you began.

“It’s my favorite Italian joint in town. I’m really good friends with the owner, she let me reserve the entire terrace while we’re out here.”

Your lips formed a small smile. She really thought of everything and it showed.

Billie continued to gaze at you. She took in every inch of your body, taking her time to really get a good look at you. The blonde bit her lower lip.

“I must say, you turned into quite a beautiful woman,” she leaned forward slightly, “How is it that you’re still single? I’m surprised that people weren’t falling head over heels for you.”

The smile on your face grew wider. She had such a way with words and all the flirtation was making you feel giddy on the inside.

“I guess I’m just busy. I’m constantly studying or working, I never really have time to pay attention to anyone else.”

“Then I feel extremely honored to be able to take you dinner.” She replied sweetly. The waitress came by just in time and greeted Billie warmly.

“Hey there! Good to see you. We having the usual tonight?”

“You know me too well!” Billie laughed, “You get whatever you want, Y/N.”

You hadn’t even had time to look at the menu because you’d been so fixated on Billie. Feeling a little on the spot, you didn’t even glance down to read any of the entrees.

“I’ll just have whatever she’s having.”

The waitress grinned widely. “Great choice! I’ll have it right out to you.”

Once again, the two of you were alone. Billie poured you a glass of bubbly before pouring one for herself. She held her glass up. Hesitantly, you did the same.

“What shall we toast to, darling?”

Your stomach was in knots. You didn’t want to say something stupid, yet you said the first thing that came to your mind.

“To beautiful women.”

Billie clinked her glass to yours.

“To beautiful women.”

As you sipped on alcohol, Billie sat up straight in her chair.

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you last. What… Has it really been four years?”

“I believe so. It’s felt like forever.”

Billie nodded in agreement.

“I remember when I would come to your parent’s place for dinner or when I’d come house sit when they were out of town. We always had such a good time with each other, don’t you think?”

It was true, the two of you had some pretty fond memories. There were countless nights you’d stayed up way past your bedtime on a school night to play card games with her. It was hard playing against a psychic, since she could always sense your next move. Though you always knew she would let you win just to be fair. Other times, she would take you out for dinner since she wasn’t the best cook and then would take you to the movie theater afterward. Your favorite nights were the ones where you two would talk about nothing and everything. Billie was the one that taught you how to use a tarot deck. She was also the one that had banished negative energies in your room when you had a nightmare about demons. The memories you’d shared with her were some of the best memories you had.

“It was always a good time when you came over.” You replied happily, “I always looked forward to your visits. When I moved out of my parent’s place, I was worried you wouldn’t want to see me again.”

“Nonsense!” Billie retorted. She took your hand into hers and held onto it tightly. “I’ve missed you so much. How could I ever forget about you?”

“I think it was more of an irrational fear.” The feeling of her skin against your own sent shivers down your spine. There were times that she’d touched you in the past in passing or when she reached out to hug you. Though, this was different. This touch was electrifying.

“I’m really glad you reached out. Even if it was by mistake.”

“I am too.” You said in a warm tone.

After a half hour of catching up, the waitress came back with two plates of pasta.

“Here’s that food for you guys! Two pasta primaveras, made special by our head chef himself.”

“Tell Luca that he’s done a wonderful job once again.”

“Of course, Miss Howard. He hopes you guys enjoy it!”

The waitress rushed back inside the restaurant, leaving you two alone once again. You glanced down at the plate that had been presented to you. Normally, pasta wasn’t something you’d care to indulge in. Yet this dish looked more delicious than any other you’d ever seen.

“I met Luca and his wife, Isabella, a few years back when they were working out of a food truck. Their food was so amazing that I helped them get an actual restaurant of their own. They chose this place… It’s better than I could’ve ever imagined.”

It warmed your heart hearing Billie’s story. That was one of the things you loved about her; how much she cared about others. Her show made her seem uptight, or perhaps even rude. She’d taught you how important it was to be assertive around spirits, though some never understood that. Away from all the cameras, she was a big softie.

“That’s amazing… You’re amazing.” you blurted out. Your cheeks turned a bright shade of red. How could you say something so mushy?

Billie wasn’t phased by it. In fact, you made her blush a little as well.

“Try it. This is my favorite thing to get here.”

After what you’d said, you were okay with not talking for a little bit. So you did as you were told. You picked up your fork, twirled some pasta onto the prongs and lifted it so you could take a bite. A burst of flavors touched your tastebuds. It was nothing like you had ever tasted before.

“Oh my god, that’s good!” you exclaimed.

“Luca has a real talent.” Billie replied as she ate from her own plate.

The rest of the night went smoothly. Even though the two of you took a while to eat, neither one of you seemed to mind. You shared so many laughs and stories with her. This was definitely the best date you’d had in a while.

“I don’t want this night to end.” You sighed. Billie raised her brows as she took another sip of champagne.

“It doesn’t have to.”

You could feel your heart racing in your chest. Even after all this time you’d known Billie, you had never seen her place. Not to mention with the way things were going it had the potential to get very heated very quickly.

You couldn’t find the words to form a coherent response.

“I can see right through you, Y/N. I know you’re nervous and I know you’re wondering about my intentions with you. I’m psychic for crying out loud, you can’t hide anything from me.”

You knew she was right. You still found yourself speechless.

“I know what you think about me. I used to listen to all of the little fantasies that would fly around in your head when I would come visit. It was pretty obvious you had a crush on me, sweetheart.”

You felt even more flushed. Why hadn’t you thought about it before? She probably knew everything you’d ever thought about her. She could probably sense how badly you wanted to kiss her. Your body tensed up at the thought.

As if to confirm your fear, she reached out to touch your face. Her thumb gently brushed your cheek as she stared longingly at you.

“I promise that this is all real. I really like you, Y/N.”

That was all you needed. The words almost found you.

“Okay. Let’s go back to your place.”

Billie looked very pleased with your response. Pulling away, she left a cash payment along with a nice tip for the waitress. The older woman stood from her chair and gestured for you to follow.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“I am.” You replied as you stood up to go join her, “Thank you again for dinner. It was delicious.”

She wrapped her arm around your waist as she showed you the way out.

“Anything for you, baby girl.”

You could feel a burning sensation in the pit of your stomach. She’d never given you a pet name like that, though you couldn’t deny how much you loved it. Her hand lowered a little to rest on your ass as if you were already hers. You could definitely get used to this.

REQUEST MORE FICS HERE!

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#33)

I’m back, I’m back! So here’s what happened...I watched 5x10 on October 1, never edited my note about it, then ended up taking an inadvertent break from watching until now. Idk why, but i needed a break from like...watching tv i hadn’t seen before. Anyone else have that habit of watching things you’ve already seen when you’re going through an anxious period? Starting a new job in the same month as the 2020 presidential election fit the bill, and i wanted to really immerse myself in the final three episodes of this amazing show properly so i decided to wait until i was feeling it! Anyway to the like three people who enjoy my recaps, i hope you enjoy these last four recaps.

So without further ado, aforementioned Oct 1 recap, now edited and underneath the cut:

5x10 yoooo I have never been so amused by Buddy Garrity in my life + TIM so here we go:

TIM RIGGINS RETURNS?! Yay!!! (This is my reaction just from seeing him in the “previously on.”)

Eric’s getting recruited at a ~fancy~ restaurant! Oh shitttt

“That, right there, marks the end of the East Dillon Lions football program led by Coach Eric Taylor.” “...It’s a crate of oranges.” “Yeah, and it’s from the sunshine state. From Florida! And that can only mean one thing—year round sunshine and college funding.” Lmao alarmist Buddy is hilarious and actually not wrong here. Lol incredulous Levi: “you got all that from a crate of oranges?!”

#OperationGetTimOut!! Is Eric going to speak for him as a character witness?

I *knew* that phone call from Oklahoma Tech wasn’t gonna be good. Ohhhhh Vince you should’ve listened to Eric~~~

Oh shit everyone’s buzzing about “losing their kingmaker” and it’s playoff time! Love a good car radio scene. “So how was it honey, are we moving to Florida?” Lol

“Dad, maybe we should just talk to Coach. I need to be focused on this game on Friday night, getting my spot back.” Yes Vince stand up for yourself, take a break from those meetings! I am fearful of his dad’s true reaction tho.

“Expelling Epyck, that was a good start.” Omfg some of these teachers are too cruel! That is a severely traumatized child, ma’am!

“Impromptu speeches...” “Impromptu means not planned, Buddy.” “Okay, then promptu.” I’M LIVING for these Buddy and Levi interactions omg hilarious.

“A man can’t leave if you erect a statue in his honor.” “A plaque?” “You got money for that?!” I cannot omfgggg Levi and Buddy should take this show on the road!

Tami’s “Oh Levi you are too much.” That’s a nice way to say “fuck you” for making her take a personal day to go speak on a panel he TOLD her she’s speaking at? Smh this is why staff needs unions.

Lmao Buddy is being so extra with Eric, I can’t

...and enter Billy, here to ask Eric a favor...

“Tim Riggins? One of the best fullbacks in the great state of Texas? The boy my girl fell in love with? Yeah I’ll do that.” Damn Buddy has a crush on Tim Riggins too!! I get it dude same.

“I believe in loyalty, Billy. Sticking with your people, through good and bad.” SO EXTRA LMAO

“Hey coach you going to Florida?” “I was planning on going home and I suggest you do too, Tinker.” Ugh poor Eric having to deal with all of these rumors and the team being endlessly curious right before the playoffs!

Awww Tami’s excited about the Florida houses. “Three years with a two year option.” Damn. Aw the way that Eric looks at Tami and you know he wants to give her everything she wants 🥺

Omggg now Buddy is making the players talk up Eric Taylor 😂 his scheming truly kills me

Becky and Luke tossing a football, so precious!

Ah, there’s more to life than college football, Luke! “No one wants me.” “I want you.” Aww Becky.

Aw Billy is getting so frustrated trying to write his speech for Tim. “It sounds ridiculous.” “No it doesn’t. You’re a good brother.” Oh Mindy 🥺 fuck prisonssss he should not feel like his words have so much bearing on his brother’s literal freedom!

Yes to Vince going to Eric and agreeing to earn his way back! That’s the Vince we know and love!

I love Eric telling Tami about Tim’s parole hearing. “You going to do it?” “You bet i’m going to do it.” My heart! The way there’s no question about it 🥺

Andddd Vince’s dad predictably refuses to let up with the recruiters. But this time Vince is standing up to him!

Yesss Vince, walk away! Especially after his dad yelled at him like that; this is not your life, it’s Vince’s!

“Don’t whack her. Just a little love tap.” LMAO Luke, Tinker, Becky, and a pig. Luke is giving Tinker pageant advice for Tinker at a competition with the pig?? I can’t, that’s weirdly so cute. Becky clearly finds it cute.

Omg Tim in his all-white prison uniform I HATE THISSS

OMGGGG “I don’t want Billy to speak, he’s done enough damage.” Fuck this is gonna fuck Billy UP. But also fair...I mean, Billy DOES tend to be a fuck up?? Isn’t that how we got here?

Yessss Tami going off explaining that standardized testing isn’t the end all be all!!

“what would you have us do, meet with every kind in the state?” “Yes I would.” to a round of applause. GO OFF QUEEN TAMI TAYLOR

Yes Coach Taylor! Give us one of your epic speeches!

Poor Tim looks like he has a lot of self hatred sitting here listening to Eric talking about him 🥺

“I asked him to be an assistant coach because of his character off the field.” YES

lol Buddy Garrity getting up to speak even tho he’s not on the list 🤣

“He’s like family to me.” OH BUDDYYYY he’s coming through with a full time job for Tim when he comes out?????? Tim’s smile of relief.

“It’s time for you to let Tim Riggins come home.” YESSSSS

AW Tim sent Eric letters from prison?? My poor babe. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit more.” “I’m sorry I let you down.” “You didn’t and that’s not why I’m here.” IM EMOTIONAL

Holy shit Vince’s dad is STILL not letting up? “I’m your father. I know what’s right.” “that is enough! Get off his back!” “He needs a father, not an agent!” YES REGINA GO OFFFFF she finally snapped!

(It’s wild how Coach possibly leaving is being used in this fight in Vince’s family. Oh, Dillon!)

Oh shit Billy is yelling at both Becky and Mindy, clearly very affected by what Tim said at his parole hearing. “You did everything you could and that makes all the difference.” Aww Mindy, and Billy apologized! Too much stress for such a young family! Also unrelated but Mindy looks mad hot for the athletic banquet.

Awww I love getting to see the other teams stand up. Yeah cross country, yes girls volleyball!!!

Man, playing a sport in Texas that’s not football must suck, look at that insane applause for football vs. weak for everyone else

Buddy giving Gracie a lil t-shirt and saying, “clear eyes, full hearts...you know it?” And they’re all like “can’t...lose” and Gracie giggles! Ok that’s cute af

Omg the tension between Jess and Vince!! “Jess, I miss you. I miss you.” 🥺 aw yeah she blew him off for her brothers

Wow they made it to the playoffs for the first time in 25 years?? Well here comes Buddy’s All Hail Eric Taylor pageant. Lmao

Awww these heartfelt addresses from the team members on how much Eric Taylor has changed their lives??? Manipulative, Buddy, really. He knows what he’s doing.

Yesss Eric, give Tami that massage. See y’all, this is what being a good man looks like.

“It had the desired effect. It sure made you think twice about leaving Dillon.” “It’s a hell of an offer. I’d own that building. They have funding.” “Mmm and oranges. Don’t forget about oranges.” “Mmm that pool.” They wanna leave.

“You know what I want more than anything right now? I wanna bring these boys to state.” “I know you do.” “They deserve it.” “I know they do. But after you do that, this offer is something to think about. Because you deserve that.” Ugh I know I say it a lot but since we’re in the final four episodes now and I’m mostly talking into the void anyway — god, what a model of a wonderful and gentle and loving and communicative marriage! I am continually floored!

Becky with cowboy boots at Luke’s farm works. And ooh Luke’s mom said hi to her?? Progress!!

Aw they’re talking about how pretty they find Luke’s farm as he tries to imagine a future here in Dillon. “I have an amazing imagination. I see your next game, and you’re winning.” Awww Becky is such a cute girlfriend.

What a cute shot of Luke and Becky on the farm, “you ever think you could imagine living on a farm?” “Sure.” AWWW

Vince at Eric’s door on game day?!!! He’s asking Eric not to take the offer to Shane State when he’s supposed to already be at the field house!?!

“Having you as a coach is one of the best things to happen to me. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Either in jail or in a ditch somewhere.” Damn forget Buddy this shit is from the HEART

Eric tells him to get in the damn car and tells him he’s starting!! “You know what your problem is? You ask too many damn questions.”

AHHHHH TIM IS HOME! Showered in a flannel! My heart! He salutes Becky with a beer!

Aww Billy is so excited to have his brother home.

It seems uneasy in the home. Coming back from prison is hard.

And here they go, heading onto the bus with signs and cheers!

“I’ll tell you, this is an away game, but you look around here at the community tonight and the young players that I have playing for me, and the character they got—no matter where this community goes, that’s home.”

Damn Eric just announced he was planning to stay home in Dillon to the press. “you’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” says Tami. “I love you.” and with the FNL theme song playing aghkliyb I’m not ready for the final three episodes ahhh!!!

[damonsbitchx]

Florida Burn p.3

Hello, friends! Sorry this took so long to get done, the pandemic sort of fucked my life up lol But we are back now and better than ever!

Summary: This is a series I’m writing based on New Moon, but instead of staying in Forks, Bella moves to Jacksonville with her mom. If you haven’t read the first two parts you can read them here and here.

Word Count: 2,496

Characters: Bella, Renee, Phil, Jacob (through text)

Warnings: There’s a little angst but mostly good vibes.

If you would like to be on a general or story tag list, please send me an ask!

    Dinner with Renee and Phil wasn’t awkward. It was actually easier than I’d expected. Phil asked me questions about my life back in Forks about how I liked the school, what kind of things I did for fun since it was always raining, and a few others to gather the information he seemed genuinely interested in getting. Renee asked me about Charlie and a bunch of other people from Forks she probably knew at some point. She wondered about the infamous little orange truck I always talked to her about on the phone, so I got to explain in detail everything I loved about it. It made me miss her a little bit. She also asked about the Blacks.

“How’s Billy and his son? It’s been years since I’ve seen them,” she beamed, popping a french fry into her mouth. 

“Yeah, uhm Billy’s good, he’s still rowdy as ever when he’s around dad,” I huffed a short chuckle.

    Thinking about Forks and all the people there did make my chest ache, but I’d probably only have to do this once and they’d be satisfied after that. I was just grateful she knew enough to not ask about the Cullens. I was getting better, but not that much better yet. Renee cleared her throat.

“And Jacob?” she grinned innocently.

“Uh yeah Jacob’s good too,” I mumbled, nibbling on a fry. 

“Your dad told me Jacob left you his number, he asked me to make sure you got in touch with him at least,” she purred, obviously ecstatic about the situation. I cringed internally but looked up to her with a smile.

“I’m going to mom, after dinner,” I grumbled, trying to sound reassuring.

“Okay,” she sighed with a sly smile, exchanging a glance with Phil who was mouthing at her to stop. 

    She giggled and we finished our dinner in a comfortable conversation after that. I helped clear the table once we were all done and tried to do the dishes but Phil insisted I not worry about it. They seemed to cherish small moments together often like cooking and doing the dishes by hand. I’d never seen Renee do the dishes before, but Phil brought out the best in her. Granted, she only dried them, but at least it was something. 

    I stood in the doorway of the kitchen lost in thought and admiration for a moment watching my mom and her boyfriend laugh and fumble over wet utensils. Then, suddenly, I remembered the folded piece of Forks still sitting in my back pocket. Before I left I gave them one last look and smiled in admiration, then I turned and quickly made my way back up to my room which was now filled with the deep bronze rays of my first Jacksonville sunset. I sunk into the desk chair next to the large window and pulled out my phone along with the note, flattening it out onto the surface of the desk. I didn’t think I would go down this road so soon after arriving in Florida, but I knew Renee wouldn’t let it go until she got details. Besides, it would be good to catch up with an old friend. I hastily punched the numbers into the address bar but then realized that I hadn’t given a single thought to what I was going to say. I frowned at the phone screen, slumping down further. I mean, I only talked to him a couple of times while I lived in Forks. Sure, we’d known each other since we were kids, but that was a long time ago and we were different people now. After some moments of consideration, I decided I should at least tell him who it is and leave the beginning of a conversation to him.

“Hey, it’s Bella. :)” I typed. 

    Then, I frowned and stared at the words on the screen for another minute. I squinted my eyes and grimaced. Who am I turning into? I quickly deleted the smiley face and pressed send before I could think about it anymore. With a heavy sigh, I flung my phone onto my bed across the room and yanked a book into my hands. I needed to distract myself, this was getting ridiculous. My knees pulled up to my chest and I dove into something Shakespeare, not caring enough to acknowledge which one. It took great effort to focus on the words my eyes would usually scan mindlessly but it became increasingly harder with each ticking second. Occasionally, I’d catch my gaze drifting to my phone sitting in the middle of my bed but I would quickly drag it back to the dull pages that did nothing to hold my attention. Then, my phone buzzed causing my heart to leap, pulling me up out of the chair and across the room so fast my book clattered to the ground. I launched onto the bed, grabbing the phone and yanking it open. It was him. My hands were shaking now, but not in the way they had been for months on end. They were shaking with anticipation and adrenaline. The blood pumping through my veins was laced with a type of electricity I hadn’t felt in months. 

“Bella, hey! I’m glad you texted, I thought maybe you didn’t get the note. :)”

    I released the air locked in my lungs with a sigh of relief. Smiley faces are encouraged. Then, panic struck again. What do I say now? I really hoped this would get easier, but for now, I would spend minutes upon minutes staring at my phone trying to come up with acceptable responses. I was absolutely not going to involve Renee in this endeavor, she would definitely take it the wrong way. Jacob and I were only ever going to be friends. I just wasn’t sure how to go about becoming friends again. In order to waste more time, I decided to take care to add him in my phone as a contact, pressing each letter of his name slow enough to make sure the characters were arranged in the absolute right order. The phone vibrated again, startling me enough that it almost slipped out of my hands. My wide eyes squinted to read the text.

“How’s Florida so far?”

The answer to that seemed easy enough.

“It’s only been one day, but I know I’ll like it here. Forks is great and all, but it could use some more sun.”

I rolled my eyes and scoffed at my word vomit but pressed send anyway.

“Lol yeah, I guess so. When are you coming back?

    I began to wonder how much Jake knew about me moving back with my mom. How much did I really want him to know? This could be my chance to start over with someone who doesn’t look at me like I might shatter to pieces any second. That always made it harder not to. I’m sure he knew the Cullens left, but maybe that was all.

“I don’t know, probably not until after graduation.”

“That’s too bad, I just got a project I was going to ask you to help me with. :(“

I felt the weight of my anxiety lifting off my chest with each message. The conversation came easier than I’d thought it would.

“Oh, I’m sure I wouldn’t be much help anyway. Maybe you can come visit me in Jacksonville sometime. :)”

“Hah yeah, maybe. How come you left anyway?”

So, he must not know much about the Cullens’ part in my leaving which was better for me but then again, what was I going to tell him instead?

“It’s complicated, but I mostly just missed my mom and the sun. I am my mother’s daughter, after all. :/” 

    Everyone in that town knew what happened with Renee and Charlie, even ones who were born after the fact. So, Jacob knew and I used it to my advantage. He couldn’t really argue with it and to be honest, part of me really did feel the same way she does about that town.

“Lol yeah, I get that. Well, I should turn in. Will you text me tomorrow?”

“Definitely. :)”

“Cool, goodnight, Bella. :)”

“Night, Jake.”

    As I clicked the phone off I caught myself smiling but it wasn’t forced like most of them had been lately. It was the kind of smile you see on someone’s face after showing them something undeniably beautiful, the smile of hope and light. Those are two things I’ve been a stranger to for what felt like forever. So I let it sit on my face for as long as it wanted, sighing heavily and tossing my phone to the side as I flopped down on my bed. I rested my head on the mountain of pillows, turned so I could see out my window down to the street outside. All the cream colored houses that lined the sidewalk across the street were settling in for a peaceful night. I was still smiling. The light was just a dim glow behind the horizon now, fading with each passing minute. I breathed in slowly and deeply through my nose, cherishing the scent left in the air from the sun that had been shining on the pavement and the plants all day. The air wafting through the window was comfortingly thin and refreshing compared to the thick, damp air I remember breathing from my bedroom in Forks. I felt light and weightless. I’d barely thought about them during the several hours I’d been here and that’s several hours longer than I could manage at Forks. Maybe this really was going to be good for me.

    I laid still, focusing on deep breathing while I watched the sun take her last breath of air before she disappeared completely and darkness fully set in. Renee and Phil peeked in to say goodnight on their way to bed and with that, I was alone in the darkness in this unfamiliar but comfortable room. I hopped up and trotted to my bag before too many thoughts could crawl into my mind, grabbing my nightclothes and toiletries and crossed the hall to the bathroom. 

    I set my clothes and bag down on the counter then a reflection in the mirror caught my attention. My throat tightened in horror but only for a brief second because when I looked up I realized it was me. My shoulders relaxed back down and the tension faded away again, but I still stared at the person I saw looking back at me in the mirror. Although she was me I couldn’t help but feel she wasn’t really me. Already, she carried herself differently than I remembered. Her eyes didn’t look so worn and dark, the circles under them from the past abuse they endured were still there but seemed to be fading already. Her hands weren’t shaking with anxiety like they always did and her back wasn’t as hunched over like it used to be, desperately trying to protect her heart from any more damage. She didn’t look like she was on the brink of death anymore. The realization silently signaled tears to the edges of my eyes, that dark hole coming to swallow me just like it had done so many times before, but perhaps for a different reason this time. 

    I’d only been in Florida for a single day, how was I already this different? My chest tightened at the thoughts that plagued my mind. I couldn’t already be moving on, I wasn’t ready. If I moved on he would be gone forever and that was the last thing I wanted. The mere thought of him disappearing forever elicited a strangled gasp from my body as the stinging tears erupted from my eyes. I stumbled over to the shower, one hand clasped over my mouth to muffle the sound, the other flailing to find the shower knob and yanking it to turn the water on. I sunk down to the ground next to the tub, my hand still pressed firmly over my mouth. My lungs burned at the lack of air as I tried to keep the sobs from escaping my chest by just pushing the air out instead of the sound. The last thing I wanted was for Phil and Renee to worry about me. I thought moving was going to fix this hole inside of me. Maybe I was wrong. 

    My attention was yanked out of my own mind when I realized there was a soft tapping on the door. I quickly wiped the tears on my cheeks with my wrist and shoved myself up to unlock the door. The yellow bathroom light illuminated the hallway and the shadow standing at the door as I opened it. It was Renee. Her head hung slightly like a toddler who’d just done something minor they weren’t sure if they should’ve done or not so they were waiting to find out if they’d be in trouble. I stepped to the side so she could tiptoe in, closing the door behind her. Then, I lowered myself back to the ground again, hugging my knees to my chest. I refused to make much eye contact with her, even after she had sunk down to ground level with me. I had always had issues with emotional moments with both my parents, but for completely different reasons.

“I’m sorry, honey,” she spoke softly.

    My gaze was trained on the floor tiles just in front of my feet, the rest of me was frozen. I managed to nod in acknowledgement but I couldn’t bear to look up and see the empathy on her face like she knew what I was going through. I knew she only meant the best but she’s never really been the emotional supporting mother she wanted to be. I didn’t hold it against her, I learned how to deal with things on my own. She draped her arm around my shoulders, squeezing me into a reassuring side hug. “Do you wanna talk about it?” she whispered.

“There’s nothing to talk about, mom.” 

“Bella, it’s been months, you have to talk about it sometime.”

“Mom, really, I’m fine. I miss dad, it’ll take a while to get used to it here. That’s all.”

She sighed heavily, obviously trying to suppress a frown. 

“I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk, Honey,” she whispered. 

    Then, she pulled me in to kiss the side of my head and hoisted herself up and out the door again. After the door clicked I drifted into my clouded mind, going through the motions of muscle memory to take my shower and get dressed. I didn’t have any clear, coherent thoughts, I just kind of floated around in the emptiness. For once I wasn’t happy nor sad, I was just existing. Something about Renee offering her support settled some fire in me that I didn’t know was burning. She would be there when I was ready to end this, so I had until then.

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[reconditarmonia]

Dear Femdom Exchange Author

Hi! Thank you for writing for me! I’m reconditarmonia here and on AO3 (and have been since LJ days, but my LJ is locked down and I only have a DW to see locked things). I have anon messaging off, but mods should be able to contact me if you have any questions.

Dishonored | Fullmetal Alchemist | The Strange Case of Starship Iris

General likes:

– Relationships that aren’t built on romance or attraction. They can be romantic or sexual as well, but my favorite ships are all ones where it would still be interesting or compelling if the romantic component never materialized.

– Loyalty kink! Trust, affectionate or loving use of titles, gestures of loyalty, replacing one’s situational or ethical judgment with someone else’s, risking oneself (physically or otherwise) for someone else, not doing so on their orders. Can be commander-subordinate or comrades-in-arms.

– Heists, or other stories where there’s a lot of planning and then we see how the plan goes.

– Femslash, complicated or intense relationships between women, and female-centric gen. Women doing “male” stuff (possibly while crossdressing).

– Stories whose emotional climax or resolution isn’t the sex scene, if there is one.

– Uniforms/costumes/clothing.

– Stories, history, and performance. What gets told and how, what doesn’t get told or written down, behavior in a society where everyone’s consuming media and aware of its tropes, how people create their personas and script their own lines.

Smut Likes: clothing, uniforms, sexual tension, breasts, cunnilingus, grinding, informal d/s elements, intensity; stories whose resolution isn’t the sex scene.

General DNW: rape/dubcon, torture, other creative gore; unrequested AUs, including “same setting, different rules” AUs such as soulmates/soulbonds; PWP; food sex; embarrassment; focus on pregnancy; Christmas/Christian themes; focus on unrequested canon or non-canon ships; the word "pussy"; maledom, even mention thereof; fellatio.

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Fandom: Dishonored

Ship(s): Billie Lurk → Daud (T/M); Delilah Copperspoon → Billie Lurk (T/M/E)

Billie→Daud: I'd be curious about how this sort of relationship or encounter would fit into their complicated history of closeness/trust and, well, competition/attempted murder. How would it start? (Is it surprising, or inevitable?) How much are they willing to be straight with each other about the implications/symbolism of Billie taking over from Daud and the reveral of their normal dynamic, and getting off on a version of that scenario? What does it take to make it satisfying - willing trust and submission, a fight, service? (They're both very dangerous people, but they also have a lot on their minds and care about each other a lot.) Or, after Knife of Dunwall, is anything different?

Delilah→Billie: I'd love to know more about Billie's time in Delilah's gang. I especially would like to know about how it might have been different for her than for the (other) Brigmore Witches. What does she see in Delilah, or Delilah in her, beyond using each other to get ahead - what do they want from each other? I imagine it might fascinate and please Delilah to have Billie's submission and maybe even some level of trust - to do what? Are the hierarchical rituals around the Witches different from the Whalers, and is Billie pleased by them, or sincere when she does them? AU where Delilah wins?

In both of these there's also such an iconic costume associated with either side that a fic addressing clothing and/or nudity could be interesting.

Fandom-specific DNW/Exception: I have dubcon in my general DNWs but with Delilah's...everything it seems potentially unreasonable to categorically DNW it here. Billie going along with things because she feels like she should or must is fine (although I'd also be very game for fic about her desiring and wanting Delilah/this), but I still don't want to read anything involving altered or removed ability to consent such as mind-altering magic, sex pollen, drugs, etc.

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Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Ship(s): Riza Hawkeye → Roy Mustang (T/M)

I love the loyalty and trust between these two; each has canonically trusted the other to severely hurt or even kill them, so... this seems like a ship where painful/dangerous/frightening stuff might be in order. They're both very competent, weapons-handy, and dangerous (and have a lot of feelings about those things), so what's it like to be using those qualities in this context (Hawkeye) or relinquishing control of them (Mustang)? It's canon that they call each other by their rank even alone, but are they very conscious of the superior-subordinate relationship while Riza's dominating Roy (I'm not sure I can see them kinking just on an unequal power dynamic, even one that's reversed from their day-to-day), or is it a scenario that's more about who they are without that rank difference, if that makes sense? I'd be happy to read this as nonsexual d/s as well, if that's what interests you.

—

Fandom: The Strange Case of Starship Iris

Ship(s): Sana Tripathi → Arkady Patel (T/M/E); Sana Tripathi → Agent Park (T/M)

Sana→Arkady: Sana/Arkady honestly is my OTP for this show; I love the mutual loyalty between them (Arkady’s “If I can put myself between Tripathi and a bullet, that’s the best thing I will have ever done” is what got me into the canon) and that could go in fic either to a really angsty place, a really fluffy place, or anything in between. Does Arkady trust Sana to take charge and screw her out of her mind when she's haunted by the past? Either Arkady taking care of and serving Sana when she's stressed and hurt, or Sana fluffily caring for sub!Arkady? (Sana canonically likes pretty things. Arkady...probably doesn't think of herself as pretty, and Sana definitely wouldn't be comfortable putting her in a "things" category, which could maaaaybe make this interesting to run with re: Sana's pride in Arkady being hers, instead of just impossible?) Or or or! If their first time playing with this dynamic was accidental/spontaneous, like, something slips out because of Feelings and it turns out that's really hot for both of them?

Sana→Park: I was intrigued by seeing this in the tagset, and Park is a fave secondary character. Like Arkady, Park rather needs someone to be nice to him (for any definition of "nice" you choose), and maybe to make things quieter and more organized in his head. I would like to know what Sana would get out of this! (Other than, uh, orgasms, potentially.) Is it a difficult adjustment period at all for her, with the recent IGR agents on board?