#lilydalexf asked

[fine-nephrit]

🥏 Where to find good XF fanfics

👽 On Tumblr

@lilydalexf has an encyclopedic knowledge of fics and continues to be an invaluable resource. You'll find a boatload of themed fic lists, individual rec posts and helpful answers to anon asks.

@txf-fic-chicks-blog seven years of almost daily recs, with well-written blurbs and a lot of fun, run by @kateyes224 and @piecesofscully. Look out for their themed days: "Casefile Monday", "Tumblr Tuesday", "Editor's Pick Wednesday", "Post-Ep/Missing Scene Thursday", "Novel Length Friday", "Smut Sunday", and the very cool "Because You Watched"

@msrlibrary a well-tagged library of MSR fics; each entry includes a short excerpt and a nicely chosen image from the show.

@201daysofxfiles a rewatch blog by fandom veteran @wendelah. Each episode in season 1-7 is paired with its own fic rec post.

@enigmaticxbee an aesthetically pleasing and neatly organized rewatch blog that is packed with great content, including excellent fic rec lists categorized by season, story type, trope, and more. Each episode guide sometimes features related fic recs.

@thatfragilecapricorn30 posts one fic rec every Friday, accompanied by a nice writeup.

@randomfoggytiger curates many fic rec lists sorted by often fun and creative categories.

@cecilysass has a google doc titled "fics I love", which is a fantastic fic list categorized by story type, complete with thoughtful blurbs. She's also shared two episode-related fic rec lists on Tumblr: here and here.

@pookie-mulder writes a monthly fic journal with good recs.

**self-promo plug** I post fic recs on my Tumblr blog @fine-nephrit under #nephrit's fic rec. Plus, I reblog others' fic recs that I come across!

👽 Rec Communities

XF Book Club: the best thing ever, an absolute gem that deserves to be preserved for posterity. During its run, 270 fics were recced and discussed in depth here. The community's intelligent and insightful comments on this blog are sometimes even more enjoyable to read than the fics themselves.

The Fic Filter (xf tag): well-curated selections with short blurbs.

Multifandom Het Recs (xf tag): a major rec site's xf section that offers nice "why this must be read" writeups. @het-reccers

Crack Van (xf tag): another major rec site with a big xf section, featuring endless recs and blurbs

Fancake (xf tag): another major rec community's xf section boasting an extensive thematic tagging system

👽 Personal Blogs

Emily Shore aka Naraht: meta essays, fanvid recs, fic recs—great stuff aplenty

Bad for the Fish aka Scarlet Baldy: fantastic fic list paired with highly enjoyable reviews and analyses of the fics she's read. @badforthefish

Ramblings of a Mind Untamed: reviews of a dozen or so classic fics

xxSKSxx XF Fanfic Recs: still active in 2024! @xxsksxxx

X-Libris: more of a fic library, this is the best place to download nicely-formatted ebooks of pre-AO3 oldies. What I love most is the incredibly detailed and extensive tagging system.

👽 Individual Rec Lists with good writeup

Character Manifesto - Dana Scully: a character analysis and 10 Scully-centric fic recs, categorized by "best of .." selections. Amazing format and choices!

Character Manifesto - Fox Mulder: same format as above for Spooky

bachlava's awesome fic rec essays, covering classic fics and slash fics

ShipRecced blog's classic MSR fics and newer MSR fics recs

luminary's 16-fic rec post

RivkaT recs fics and writers @rivkat

Anna Otto's favorite stories

Syntax6's rec list on her site, great rec list on Tumblr and FTF rec list @syntax6

👽 90s Old School Rec Sites

The Basement Office - Musea: a treasure trove of extensive fic lists with lovely written blurbs, recced by a group of talented writers from back in the day

The Other Side - Fanfic Recs from Beyond the Grave: a large collection of 'scary' or 'spooky' story recs with nice blurbs. Beautiful web design.

the Rookery - Favorite Authors: nice commentary on a list of classic fic writers

X-Files Fanfiction 101: an intro guide to fic categories and what to read for each

The Primal Screamers: a fun site run by a mailing list that hosts fic recs with blurbs, and a 'Coffee Talk' section full of delightful discussions of canon

Idealists Haven - Elemental Fanfic Archive: an archive with rec blurbs

Chronicle X: a large, well-organized archive with blurbs, plus a 'Can We Talk' discussion section of novel-length fics, plus a total of 46 author interviews. Simply incredible!

👽 Special Mention

The X-Files Lost and Found: a fic finder message board that is miraculously still very active today—How wonderful! Its FAQ page hosts a huge collection of well-categorized themed fic lists (not recs), including "Classics (or, Your Fanfic Education is Not Complete Until You've Read ...)".

Where do you find your next read? What did I miss? Reblog and share your favorites!

[randomfoggytiger]

I first want to say, I love your fic lists and meta posts so much!

This is probably going to sound so silly. I have been a casual lurker in the x files fandom on Tumblr for a couple of years after i got into the show my last semester of college. I'm now realizing my hyperfixation isn't going away any time soon, and I want to start being more active here in this community. Maybe start posting some of the fic I've written just for fun. Everyone is so creative and talented; I'm a little overwhelmed and I'm not totally sure how to start? Any recommendations for how to start participating a bit more? Thank you 💗

An honor to be asked-- thank you! :DDD

For friendships and connections, I'd start engaging with posts in either tags or comments or-- most importantly-- asks. People want to be included in thoughts or conversations here (or just to chat); and that's how I became mutuals with a bunch of people.

I highly recommend @baronessblixen for any and all asks (and beautiful short fics)-- she loves new fans, and is highly receptive to conversations (she also encouraged me to move from anon to Tumblr user)-- and @deathsbestgirl for any and all meta-- she constantly engages with tags and comments (and we love to go back and forth with ideas, etc.) @x-files-scripts and @dunhamhairograpy post scripts from the original show; @scullysflannel, @myassbrokethefall, @iconicscullyoutfits, @perplexistan, @pennyserenade, and deathsbestgirl write incredible meta; @amplifyme, @aloysiavirgata, @suitablyaggrieved, @slippinmickeys, @cecilysass, @storybycorey, @settle-down-frohike, @leiascully, @writingwell, @sigritandtheelves, @jessahmewren, @dreamingofscully and @sixhours are long-time writers that are still active(ish) in the fandom; @mondfuchs, @opentheskies, @tennant-the-tigger post art; @mappingthexfiles, @trusttnno1, and @samanthamulder create edits or gifs; @carrie11, @thatfragilecapricorn30, and @scapegrace74-blog post nature photography; and @dd-is-my-guiltypleasure and @whovianderson keep up with David and Gillian respectively (btw, the actors' relationships are probably the most divided issue in this fandom-- I vote "not a big deal", personally.)

I can't recommend all the current writers I keep up with (wordspace), but I reblog them here or from my archives on the @x-files-fics second account I opened. I participated in an event last year with @welsharcher, @agent-troi, baronessblixen, and @numinousmysteries which can be found under the eightnightsofmulder blog~. Authors I wish would come back to Tumblr are endless but @wtfmulder, @melforbes, @enigmaticdrblockhead, @onpaperfirst are on the list.

Like any fandom, there are divided lines between groups; but most people don't play those games and reblog from whomever they want (unless actively blocked.)

Resources: @today-in-fic collects all fics on Tumblr, and @ao3feed-msr collects the Ao3 ones. @lilydalexf is the original compiler (masterpost here.) I have resources for searching any and all fic here; and my fic compilations/meta posts/Personality Types-MBTI(ish) posts/xf fanvids/extra content are here.

Hope that helps!

[ellivia]

Hi! Do you know if there is list of Mulder and Scully fanfics having phone sex? 👀

Sorry for another question but do you know about any good post-Tithonus fics? I need some jealous Mulder 😩

——

I’m sorry it took me so long to answer you! ❤️

I know of a few phone sex fics!

On the Line by @icedteainthebag is a favorite (as is all her other smut)

Today by @storybycorey is a series that I loved (she’s queen of the slow burn)

Extension Line by @wtfmulder (also a fantastic smut writer)

I realize now that you asked me for a list 😬 I’m sorry, maybe @lilydalexf will know of one, as they seem to have fic recs on lockdown.

As for Tithonus fic, I’m not as familiar with that genre, but I’ll throw this ask out to the masses to see what they can offer you!

[thatfragilecapricorn30]

Hello! You offered to rec some more fics so I come asking 💕 do you know of any funny fics from skinner’s pov? Please and thank you 😌

ooh this is a tough request as i don't read a lot of skinner fic, but i do love Ties That Bind by @baronessblixen. here's a link to the skinner pov tag on ao3. not a ton on there, though. tagging the fic queen @lilydalexf and everyone else to share your favorite funny skinner pov stories!

wish i had more for ya, but keep me in mind if you still need fic recs!

[aloysiavirgata]

Hi I used to be super active on here a few years ago and I’m so sad to see a lot of people left too! Do you know of any working links for fics? I’m in desperate need of novel length romance fics but most master lists and expired links! Any suggestions?

I am honestly an absolutely shit person to ask - @lilydalexf is the queen, anon! I hope you find what you’re looking for.

[amplifyme]

Fannish Year Review - 2023

1. Your main fandom of the year: The X-Files, Beauty and the Beast 1987, A Song of Ice and Fire (specifically SanSan). Can't narrow it down to one.

2. Your favorite film this year: Barbie. America Ferrara's monologue on the rules women are expected to follow made me laugh and then sob. Been there, trying my best to no longer do that.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.

You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

3. Your favorite book this year:  Wayward, Chuck Wendig's sequel to Wanderers. Read these! Chuck is the modern day old-school Stephen King. Not to be missed.

4. Your favorite album or song this year: Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit's Weathervanes. Every album these guys put out is better than the last, and they're all superb. Jason Isbell's lyrics are always a revelation. Best songwriter of his generation.

5. Your favorite TV shows this year:  The Last of Us. Humanity and inhumanity all wrapped up into a heartbreaking and uplifting package. Best show of the year. Long, Long Time will live with me forever.

6. Your favorite Tumblr community this year: Don't have one. I love all the different 'verses I move within.

7. Your best new fandom discovery of the year:  That's hard to say, what with the age of my favorite fandoms. They're all getting on in years, which makes new discoveries rare.

8. Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year: None, really. Well, maybe the weirdness of the SanSan fics I've seen posted lately. Hopefully that will soon pass.

9. Your TV/movie boyfriend of the year: Gotta go with Vincent from Beauty and the Beast. He never disappoints. And everything he does and why he does it is the epitome of what it is to be human. And to be alive. 🥰

10. Your TV/movie girlfriend of the year: Weird Barbie. She is me.

11. Your biggest squee moment of the year: Introducing @randomfoggytiger to the BATB universe through Nan Dibble's writing, and soon after that the show itself, and her getting it. Best feeling in the world, to bring a new fan into the fold.

I'm tagging @randomfoggytiger @nobodysuspectsthebutterfly @kateofthecanals @storybycorey @baronessblixen @littlefeatherr @enigmaticxbee @xxsksxxx @lilydalexf @ladytp @daisies-cats-and-spacemen @musingsofaquietmind @settle-down-frohike

No pressure. Only play if you want to.

[lilydalexf]

👽 X-Files Crossover Fic Recs

The theme of International Fanworks Day in 2023 is When Fandoms Collide. So here are a bunch of very good X-Files crossover fics. Enjoy! Abner by Anonymous Mulder and Scully are assigned to investigate a possible serial killing in a small, very suburban neighborhood. The Beast Within by Yahtzee Also from the department of twisted crossovers comes this story – but I’ll leave the crossover for you to figure out as you go. Mulder and Scully’s journey to a troubled Louisiana town leads Scully to an encounter with a far more troubled man. Birdsong by @chekcough The plot of Silence of the Lambs, with Dana Scully replacing Clarice Starling, and a younger Agent Mulder, working in the B.S.U, assigned to help her. It is not at all necessary to have seen/read either 'The Silence of the Lambs' or 'The X-Files' to enjoy this. The Glimmering Girl by Tesla Mulder works a child abduction with Frank Black, while Scully is away for the weekend, but very much on Mulder’s mind. Homicidal Tendencies by Swikstr What begins as a typical ritual murder case with supernatural overtones for Mulder and Scully in Baltimore becomes something else as the two are forced to interact with some of the unique personalities on Charm City's murder squad. Scully's developing connection with a Baltimore homicide detective has far-reaching consequences in the evolution of her relationship with Mulder. Interagency (Mulder and Scully Meet the Director) by pinebluffvariant "You're wanted on a task force." Leap of Faith, parts 1 and 2 by Livengoo Sam Beckett has to keep Fox Mulder from becoming one more abductee, but when he leaps into Dana Scully's size fours he finds that might not be such an easy job. Letting Go by Joann Humby Mulder goes solo on a case in San Francisco. But when the killer isn’t what he was expecting, he needs the SF PD and the FBI’s finest to help him out. Lucky X in the City by @lilydalexf Samantha Jones meets Mulder in a bar. Fox hunting ensues. It’s more serious than it sounds. Samsara by Alicia K. Crossover of sorts, MSR of sorts. I don't want to say anything more, so we'll just let it go at that. Out of the Little Grove by @slippinmickeys I got an anon Tumblr prompt asking for an X-Files/His Dark Materials crossover in which Mulder & Scully were detectives in Lyra’s world. There may be some small liberties I took within the HDM world’s canon to make this story work for M&S, which I ask you to please forgive. Road Fools by denynothing1 Only one of the reasons that the X-File on a little town in Kansas is so thick it occupies its own drawer in the filing cabinet. She's Beauty, She's Grace by @sunflowerseedsandscience I was asked to write a Miss Congeniality/The X-Files mash-up… so here goes nothing. Travelling with Children by @seepunkrun and Sab In the armory we have: one revolver, some rope, a candlestick, a knife, a wrench, and a fork. Twilight, parts 1 and 2 by Shannon A serial killer is on the loose in Baltimore. Mulder and Scully are called in to assist the Homicide Squad in profiling and finding the killer before he strikes again.

[slippinmickeys]

Hi! I dont know if this is the right place to ask this question but youre one of the main fanfic authors i follow so I thought maybe youd know... Im looking for a fic where scully gets stuck in the bathtub with back cramps and then mulder comes to rescue her after she doesnt respond to his calls and shes really embarassed about it all, ive been looking for it all day but cant remember what its called ☹️☹️☹️

Hi! There are a few people in the fandom that are MOST excellent at finding fic, though unfortunately I am not one of them. It’s an incredible skill, which my sieve of a brain does not possess. Going to point you in the direction of @lilydalexf and @darkesttimelinestuff — both whom have some serious fic-finding game. Good luck, I hope you find your story!!

[leiascully]

Hey, since you're the head archivist of this fandom. perhaps you might be able to help: I'm looking for a good fic I read maybe 15-20 years ago. It involved a psycho killer that Mulder caught many years ago, except he somehow got loose and kidnapped Scully. He asks Mulder questions, and if he doesn't answer truthfully - Scully would be murdered. Mulder ends up revealing some things he wouldn't say to her face, but M&S never really talk about it afterwards. It's a UST. What's it called please?

Hmm, I consider @lilydalexf Head Archivist! I lost all my bookmarks when Delicious melted down and have never rebuilt them. But I am happy to crowdsource! Anyone know this fic?

[unremarkablehouse]

Hey!!! I'm sorry to bother you but ive been trying to find a msr fic for months now but i cant seem to find it ): Could you help me? I remember bits and pieces but nothing very detailed: mulder and scully are married and i think he buys her a lighthouse (???), hm i think they have william and a little girl, they are friends with a couple (m/f) and the woman suffered an accident that left her in a wheelchair and she lost a baby.

I might not be the best person to ask, @lilydalexf is usually the fic authority. Do you remember what site it was on? Are we talking A03, tumblr, live journal, gossamer or other web archive site?

[invidiosa]

For the fic prompts: M (When it rains/snows/storms) for Mulder

prompt fill for @lilydalexf from this post where I write a minific for the chosen prompt. Sorry it took me so long!

When It Rains

After Scully became his partner, Mulder had to accept that when it rained, he was inevitably going to get the runoff from her umbrella down his collar.  It was just the nature of their height difference. As they walked together or talked closely, her umbrella would dip under his and a stream of water would fall onto him.

It also meant that, if one of them forgot theirs, Mulder was the one holding the umbrella aloft between them and making sure they were both protected by it. If he held it too high, Scully would still get pelted; too low, he would be hunching over. And even though he had learned the skill early on, every now and then, he would still hold the umbrella just a little too high so that Scully would have to take his hand and gently correct him.

More often than not, Mulder forgot his umbrella.

[randomfoggytiger]

Get to know you ask game-- thanks for the tag, @redteekal~!

Currently reading: Bailed on a Percy Shelley Prometheus Unbound epic. Might finish it in future-- not opposed-- because I'm in a poetry mood. Or read the first half of Roth's America somethingorother.

Currently watching: Frasier! Having a blast.

Currently Obsessed with: The X-Files, David Duchovny news (he's a complex yet simple guy who says his opinion honestly-- though guardedly nowadays), learning more about neurotypical vs. neurodivergent brains, etc.

Tagging (if you so choose~): @baronessblixen, @dd-is-my-guiltypleasure, @welsharcher, @agent-troi, @amplifyme, @suitablyaggrieved, @cecilysass, @television-overload, @nachosncheeze, @ragnarockz, @two-microscopes, @thescullyphile, @invidiosa, @virtie333, @perpetually-weirdening, @teenie-xf, @teethnbone, @numinousmysteries, @leiascully, @lilydalexf, @msrafterdark, @annablume, @my-spookybunnies, @myassbrokethefall, @settle-down-frohike, @cyb3rpeach, @mindibindi, @stephy-gold, @writingwell, @tofuttim, @samanthamulder, @tossingmyglossymane, @frogsmulder, @scullys-scalpel, @scullysflannel, @danascullysjournal, @thatfragilecapricorn30, @dreamingofscully, @borogirl, and whoever else sees this and wants to have a go~.

[leonardbetts]

Do you read x files fanfic? Do you have any faves?

YES, i read an insane amount of xf fanfiction. here are some stories i really love:

universal invariants by @syntax6 - this story is so good, just go read it. and then read all of her stories.

iolokus by @rivkat and mustangsally

the dust series by @bluesamutra

a night without living without by @admiralty-xfd

one moment in arecibo by @scullysexual

these are mostly angst and/or contain smut. if you're looking for something more specific, feel free to ask or check out @impulsive-astrophile or @lilydalexf whom both are much better at recs than me <3

[frangipanidownunder]

Hi, do you have any recommendations for novel length fics? Sorry if you’ve answered this before, I’ve been off tumblr for a bit and I just realized how much I miss fanfic. Thanks! Hope you’re having a nice day! :)

Hi lovely. Welcome back to the mad house! 

My go-to long fics are always those by @syntax6 and Prufrock’s Love’s masterful AUs and I still love Julie Fortune’s The Best Lies. Not on the list, but fics I remember reading that were longer or casefiles include The After and Acluophobia by @piecesofscully , Big Bird, What we do in the Trees and Sherry Baby (plus others) by @wtfmulder .

I confess to not reading much fic these days, but I found this list of long fics that I made previously, that still holds up. And you should definitely check out @lilydalexf blog for her novel-length lists - there are several. 

Additional fics I’ve read since, and remember are: Heuvelmans’ on the Track by @mashnotesofthemythopoeic; The Dreaming Tree by @slippinmickeys , who also has longer length AU fics; You He did Not Fail by extraordinarily-ordinary.

There are some current long WIPs or recently completed longer works by @mldrgrl , @iconicscullyoutfits , @msrheadcanon and others I can’t recall (sorry all!).

I would also recommend scrolling through the fic tags or AO3 pages of the authors named on the list and on this post because there are other gems, short and long, written by all of them. 

I’m on the final stages of my novel-length maid/master 1930s AU. Hope to publish it in coming weeks.

I hope others will add to this list - there are many fics I’ve missed or forgotten that others will recommend.

Thanks for the ask, and happy reading. 

[amplifyme]

In celebration of the 25th anniversary of Fight the Future. A little post-movie feel-good fic. Thanks again to @lilydalexf for scouring her personal fanfic vault and presenting me with a copy of something I'd written 25 years ago that I'd thought was forever lost. You are a treasure, m'dear! 😘

Shift (aka The Lost Fanfic). Read on AO3. PG-13. UST. Slow burn.

"Let me see if I'm understanding you, Mulder." Scully silently offered to swap her container of shrimp fried rice for his Mongolian beef. "You're saying that our work on the X-Files should be considered the norm, as opposed to the typical white-collar worker with the house in the suburbs and the two point five kids?'

"And the Range Rover," Mulder added as they traded off. He took a bite of the rice and talked around it, his typical enthusiasm overriding any need for manners. "What I'm saying is that we're hardwired to seek out new experiences, blaze new trails. The human intellect demands new and different challenges, and if we ignore that basic need we run the risk of becoming complacent; the perfect target for any organization with enough power to literally take over our lives."

He set the container on the coffee table and tore open a packet of hot mustard with his teeth, liberally dousing an egg roll with the runny yellow substance before inhaling half of it in one bite. Scully watched with bemusement. A grazing Mulder was a sight to behold.

"So, if everyone was hunting down fat sucking vampires instead of sitting behind a desk or flipping burgers, the world would be a better place?" She waited as he furiously waved a hand in front of his open mouth and grabbed his beer, draining the last couple inches from the bottle. Pushing forty and he still hadn't figured out how much hot mustard was enough.

"That's kind of simplistic," he declared when he could talk again, "but yeah. Just think about it, Scully. What if the majority of the population could see just a fraction of the things we have? Think of how much more open-minded people would be to extreme possibilities. The idea of a race of aliens bent on colonizing the planet with not so benign intentions would be much more easily accepted."

Mulder held his hand out for the beef, giving her some time to consider what he'd said. Night had fallen and his living room was bathed in shadows. Light spilled from the kitchen doorway. Aside from the cool blue cast by the muted and ignored TV and the soft glow from the newly stocked fish tank, it was the only illumination in the apartment.

"But, Mulder, you're assuming that the majority of the world's population would even want to know the things we know. Contrary to what you might think, most people are perfectly happy living a life of order and routine. I dare say most of them would go out of their way to avoid the changes that kind of knowledge would inevitably bring."

"Ignorance is bliss?"

"That's kind of simplistic," she remarked, catching his faint smile as she echoed his earlier jab, "but yes. Most people just want to be left alone to live their lives as they see fit. Change isn't always a good thing, Mulder."

"But it's inevitable," he argued. "Chaos is the norm. I can't believe I'm the only one who realizes that." He chewed and swallowed another bite, staring off into space. And then he looked in her direction, aiming the full force of his gaze squarely at her. His eyes were suddenly darker and more soulful. More aware. In a split second his entire focus had changed, and now everything in him was intent on nothing but her. It was a look she'd seen in his hallway just a few weeks ago, and one not easily forgotten.

"What about you, Scully? Is ignorance bliss?"

It was a question fraught with many different meanings - and they both knew it. That he felt comfortable enough to ask anyway was a sign of how much things had changed. It wasn't just one event out of all the events of the last month: it was the sum total of them that had led to this new and still tentative honesty; the constant awareness that they were standing on the brink of something brand new and yet older than time.

It was an electrifying feeling that had her thoughts careening wildly. She was smart enough to realize that what was blossoming between them was a strange and beautiful thing, but it was also a double-edged sword, and she wasn't entirely certain she was emotionally prepared to deal with the risks it entailed.

She held his eye, determined not to flinch, and chose to answer the easier version of his question. "No, of course not. It would be foolish of me to try to pretend that none of these things have happened." She glanced away and then back at him. The fact that his attention had shifted to the food and off of her allowed her to elaborate more than she might've otherwise.

"I guess I'm uneasy with the inherent changes that certain kinds of knowledge bring. I've always been a creature of habit, Mulder. I like routine. I like knowing what to expect. And despite the rather bizarre lifestyle I seem to have established, I've been able to adapt fairly well. It's just that sometimes it gets a little overwhelming."

"There's nothing wrong with routine, Scully. You're taking me too literally." Apparently, her deflection had worked. At least for the time being. He went on in his slightly professorial monotone. "The daily grind is a natural outgrowth of living in a civilized society. All I'm saying is that it tends to make us lazy and stupid. And that leaves us vulnerable to anyone or anything who cares to take advantage of the situation."

Mulder scrubbed his newly cropped hair and slouched back against the couch, one hand unconsciously and contentedly rubbing his stomach. "I probably don't have to tell you this," he continued, "but I thrive on change. I like chaos. It keeps me sharp. The best thing about not knowing what might happen next is that you're prepared for anything."

She pushed away from the food and settled back next to him, their shoulders barely brushing. "But, Mulder, we all need some kind of stability, a constant we can depend on. Otherwise, we'd spend our lives wandering aimlessly from one experience to another, without any kind of cohesiveness. I hear what you're saying, but there's nothing that prevents us from living an ordered life except our own inability to make sense of the very chaos you seem to cherish."

He rewarded her with a low chuckle. "Is this a kinder, gentler way of telling me I'm crazy?"

She shot him a dismissive look. "No. I'm just baffled by your attitude. Don't you ever find yourself wishing for a simpler life; one where you knew what to expect from day to day?"

"You make it sound like I don't have that already."

She gaped at him and then recovered. "Okay, now you've completely lost me. You wanna explain to me how you can possibly describe your life as simple?"

"Well, using the criteria you've established, it is simple. I have the stability you spoke of. I have that constant."

She snorted softly. "And that would be… what? That your stability is the fact that you have none? That your only constant is change?"

He turned his head and pinned her with a look, his words echoing the gentle rebuke she saw in the mossy green of his eyes. "You haven't been paying attention, Scully."

Still sprawled on the couch, his face bland, the only clue to Mulder's anxiety was the almost imperceptible bouncing of one leg. "I realize that the aftermath might be a little foggy to you, but I find it hard to believe you don't remember what was said just outside that door." He tilted his head toward the front of his apartment. He made no attempt to elaborate. His words lay solid and heavy between them, offered up like a gift she couldn't refuse, even if she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to accept it just then.

She'd been anticipating this. She'd thought about it enough that she'd even come to think of it as The Moment of Truth because of its potential to shift a large portion of her life in an unknown direction. Formulating possible responses to Mulder's probable remarks about what had happened and what'd been said had been uppermost in her mind lately. When he’d jokingly accused her of daydreaming just the day before, she hadn't been able to argue the point. He'd been right: she'd been far too distracted the last few weeks. Maybe it was best just to get things out in the open - for her continued sanity, if nothing else.

But before she could say anything he beat her to it, apparently misconstruing her long silence as refusal to take his bait. "Well," he rasped, sitting up and pulling a hand down his face, "this is an awkward moment. Look, Scully, forget I said anything."

"No," she quickly assured him, laying her hand on his back. "No, it's okay. I was just… I'm just not sure what to say, Mulder."   

He glanced back over his shoulder at her. "Well, I think I made my feelings pretty clear."

She certainly wouldn't argue with that. While she couldn't claim to remember much after she'd been stung in the hallway outside his apartment, the memory of Mulder's strangled words and the thrill of realization as he'd moved in to kiss her were etched into her brain. And now it was obvious that he was expecting her to come clean about her feelings. Yet another version of their well-established “I showed you mine, now you show me yours” game. Only this time it wasn't theories they were trading.

If Scully'd had a list, she could've checked off the symptoms of reticence she was experiencing, one by one. First came the dry mouth, followed closely by the leaden feeling in her stomach. Then the reeling in her head as she began to contemplate all she could say wrong despite her best efforts to put the correct spin on things. If discussing emotions were as simple as analyzing facts and figures, debating hypothetical situations, she'd be in the clear. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

She'd never been very big on flowery declarations; the words had always stuck in her throat every time she'd attempted it. She was a woman of action, and if forced to 'fess up, would much rather show than tell. And so that's what she did: sitting up and perching on the edge of the couch next to him, she gently turned his face toward hers and leaned in to kiss him. She was aware as her lips brushed his that he had gone completely still. She didn't linger, choosing instead to make it a chaste but tender kiss, pulling away after just a few seconds. Her hand stayed at his jaw a little longer though, as her fingers memorized the slight abrasiveness of his evening stubble. His eyes, when she raised hers to meet them, were both amused and a little shocked.

"There," she whispered. "I hate leaving things unfinished."

Mulder's eyebrows crept up and he gave an infinitesimal shake of his head. "That's it?" he asked. "You mean we're done?"

Now it was her turn to be taken aback. "What were you expecting?"

As his hands lifted to cup her cheeks he murmured, "C'mere and I'll show you."

Chaste was clearly not what Mulder had in mind. Not that she was complaining. She was too busy admiring the way his bottom lip was expertly nudging hers apart, opening her mouth to admit just the tip of his tongue. He briefly touched it to hers before sweeping it across her upper lip and withdrawing, pulling back just enough to be able to look her in the eye. Permission was asked and granted in the few moments it took her to curl a hand around the nape of his neck and bring his mouth back to hers.

Scully decided that his idea of what constituted finishing business was much more comprehensive than hers. She also decided that kissing him was something she really enjoyed doing and vaguely wondered what had taken them so long.

Good little investigator that he was, Mulder was busy making a thorough exploration of her mouth. It occurred to her, in some distant, foggy place in the back of her mind, that the shift she'd predicted was indeed inevitable. Funny thing was that the reality of it didn't scare her nearly as much as she'd thought it would. She allowed herself to completely relax into their kiss, with Mulder sensing her acquiescence and slowly easing her down onto the couch, his arms cradling her. They ended up with Scully lying against one of the throw pillows, his upper body draped across hers, their legs tangled.

It took her a few seconds to force her eyes open after Mulder finally broke for air. She found him looking down at her, his expression a wickedly potent mixture of affection and good old-fashioned lust. One corner of his mouth drew up just the tiniest bit.

"That was more what I had in mind," he informed her. And then he dipped his head and began to plant small, wet kisses down the line of her jaw. His hand slid up her back and gathered a fistful of hair, gently but determinedly drawing her head back and exposing the tender skin of her neck to his mouth. The soft cotton of his dress shirt rubbed against her stiffening nipples through the silk of her blouse and bra, setting off sparks of heat traveling swiftly through her body.

Hoo-boy.

It'd been a very long time since she'd felt the weight of a man's body on hers, the delicious friction it created. Forever since her hands had roamed over corded muscle and curve of spine. Too long since she'd felt the heat pooling deep within her and someone there to share it, add to it, eventually douse it. What made the cottony thickness of her arousal even more enjoyable was that it was the real thing this time - not some fantasy Mulder who came to her only in the relative safety of her dreams. And there was only a little part of her that wondered if perhaps they should slow down and think about this some more.

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry when Mulder muttered against her neck, "You're gonna have to tell me when to stop, Scully, 'cause if you leave it up to me, I won't."

God bless his considerate, gentlemanly little heart.

Damn it.

"Then maybe," she managed to utter even while threading her fingers through his hair and urging his mouth to points south, "we should stop and think about this."

Deft fingers began working the buttons on her blouse. "Okay. Just say the word and I'll stop."

Oh, she didn't want to do this. She didn't want to stop him. She had a sudden urge to strangle the life out of the sensible little voice in her head. If such a thing were possible, that is.

"Mulder."

"Hmm?"

"Stop."

He groaned in noisy protest but did as she asked. Resting his chin between her breasts, he peered up at her. Hair askew, eyes warm but a little wary, he was the most gorgeous man she'd ever had the pleasure of lying beneath. He was content to wait quietly while she pronounced sentence on him, trusting her to do what was best for both of them. That particular trust was a heavy burden he'd placed on her long ago, and one she'd struggled to throw off more than once. But here and now, she was beginning to realize that it was also a precious gift. And it gave her far more power over him than she even dared contemplate. 

"Is this what you had in mind in the hallway?" Her voice was intentionally rich with humor. It was important that he know she wasn't upset by his attempted seduction. Getting their wires crossed about this was the last thing they needed.

She watched as his eyes lost their wariness. The hint of a boyish grin crossed his face before disappearing behind his trademark deadpan expression. "Actually," he quipped, "I was kind of hoping to make it to second base." And with that, he deliberately began to refasten the buttons he'd managed to undo. His knuckles unintentionally brushed fire along her breasts.

"Don't give up, Slugger," she told him as he finished, her voice gone slow and husky. "You haven't struck out yet."

The look on his face was priceless. She couldn't help but grin at him. His answering smile was enough to light up the room. He sat up and pulled her along with him, waiting until she was settled before he twisted around and sat down on the coffee table across from her, his long legs caging hers. Mulder reached out and caught one of her hands in his. He took in a breath and let it out slowly. "The truth is, Scully, I accomplished everything I set out to do that night. The rest of it… just icing on the cake." There was a beat of silence. "Well, except for the bee sting. That kind of put a damper on things."

"Mulder…"

"No, let me finish. I'm sorry it took me so long, but I want you to know I meant every word I said."

"I know." She squeezed his hand and ducked her head, not wanting him to see the sudden tears that threatened to spill over.

"Do you? Because that's all that really matters to me. I don't ever want you to think that I don't value you, or that you're not the most important thing in my -"

She cut him off with her fingers pressed against his mouth. If he kept it up, she'd lose her struggle to hold off her tears. She didn't want to turn into a blubbering idiot, not now. Not when smiling had felt so good.

"I know," she repeated.

His eyes flicked over her face, reading it like a map only he could decipher. Long seconds passed before he nodded slowly, satisfied by what he'd seen.

"Good," he said. "That's good."

She took a few moments to study his familiar features, softened by emotions he rarely let show. She took in the relaxed line of his jaw, the warmth of his eyes, the hair that stood up in tiny spikes on the top of his head. And the seductive fullness of his mouth, still moist from their kisses. She could drown there, she realized, and not give two hoots about anything else. It was a dangerous and compelling prospect.

She reached up and smoothed her hand over his unruly hair. "I guess this begs the question of what we do now."

He looked aside for a minute and then back at her, shrugging. "We keep on keepin' on. We see where this thing takes us. We fight the good fight. We start scheduling regular make-out sessions."

"Just thought you'd sneak that last one in there, huh?"

"Nothing gets past you, Scully."

She was trying to focus on the issue at hand. He wasn't going to make it easy. She knew this Mulder well. And she could tell he wanted to play, revert to his habit of joking about the most serious of subjects. All the nervous energy he'd suppressed just minutes ago had broken free. Both legs had taken up a gentle bouncing, his hands moving like moths around a flame: glancing off her knees, her hands, her arms, before flying away, only to return again.

Sometimes it was a pain in the ass always being the grown-up.

She grabbed one of his hands and held it tightly in both of hers. He went still almost at once, his keen sense of her innate composure helping to ground him. She vaguely wondered what would become of him if something happened to her. She could picture him floating off into space like an errant helium balloon, with no one to pull him back. She was his safety line; a fragile string that was nonetheless durable enough to keep them both anchored to the ground - even if Mulder was always looking up into the sky, wondering what he might be missing. 

"This is going to have an impact on everything," she told him as she caught his eye. "It's going to change everything."

He pursed his lips and jerked an eyebrow. "Maybe. But it's impossible that you'll ever be more important to me than you are right now, so that won't change."

"What if it does, Mulder?"

"That's not gonna happen." She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off, grasping her shoulders and gazing at her with single-minded intensity. "I won't let it. I'm one relentless sonofabitch, Scully. It's gonna take a nuclear explosion to pry me away from you now. And I won't risk the only thing that matters to me unless I'm absolutely certain it's the right thing. How could it, how could we, be anything short of incredible?"

Five years with Mulder had programmed her to automatically begin formulating an argument to counteract his latest bizarre theory, and this time was no different. While her brain shifted into overdrive, spitting out a dozen reasons why they couldn't afford to be so blasé about the whole situation, her heart was busy tugging her in a different direction. One that whispered to her that he might have a point. Not every decision had to be based in logic - she'd slowly begun to realize that. Sometimes you just had to go with your gut.

"And besides," Mulder suddenly blurted into the silence, "who else would put up with my sorry ass?"

Strange how the simplest phrase could be the deciding factor in such a life-altering decision. He wasn't being facetious, despite the joking tone of his voice. He honestly believed that she was the only one who'd ever understand him, who'd willingly accept him for all that he was. Who'd see that what he did made a difference. And though there were times when she'd wondered if someone more open to extreme possibilities might be better for him, she knew in her heart that no one could ever feel about him the way she did. And no one could ever challenge, respect, trust, and complete her the way Mulder did.

“You made me a whole person.”

Isn't that what it came down to in the end? Wasn't that all that really mattered? Suddenly, nothing was more important to her than that he know what was in her heart.

"I want you to know something," she told him. "And I want you to listen to me very carefully." Mulder gazed at her with cautious chameleon eyes. "I want you to know that no matter what happens now, one thing will never change. What you do makes a difference. I know it doesn't seem like it most of the time, but it does. You have to believe that. And I want you to know how proud I am to be a part of that. You're an honorable man, Mulder, and you lead an honorable life. And I want you to know I'd be proud to be a part of that, too. In whatever form it takes."

She watched his face carefully as she spoke, cataloguing every emotion that passed over it. There were many things to see there, as he nervously chewed his lip and took in her words. But what she was left with was a mixture of tenderness and pride that nearly made her dizzy.

Mulder opened his mouth a few times before he finally got anything to come out. "Can I…" His brow furrowed and he cleared his throat and tried again. "Can I just hold you, Scully? For a minute?"

She reached for him, and they both stood, knowing that the limited contact they'd have otherwise wouldn't satisfy either of them. She went easily into his embrace, her head tucked under his chin, her arms wrapped around his waist. He held her loosely for a moment before tightening his arms and drawing her even closer. They stood toe to toe, touching everywhere it was possible to touch, the contact sweet and heavy with the promise of things to come.

Mulder dipped his head until it rested against hers. His chest expanded as he took in a deep breath and then released it with a ragged sigh. "God, you feel so good. So good."

She tightened her arms around him, wanting nothing more than to be enveloped by him, held in his warm and welcoming embrace for as long as he'd let her. Judging by his remark, that could end up being a good long while.

And that was okay. It was better than okay.

"You know what, Scully?" he murmured against her hair.

"What’s that, Mulder?"

"Someday soon we're gonna have really phenomenal sex."

Maybe even sooner than he thought.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[leiascully]

I've been looking for years for an MSR fanfic I can't remember the name of and someone from reddit suggested asking you. The plot is roughly that Scully and Mulder enter a relationship but cancer man threatens to kill her if Scully doesn't call it off. She proceeds thinking she's only risking her own life, but cancer man tries to kill Mulder (via botulism-tainted sauce on a pizza resulting in an innocent death). The fic ends with a shootout at a cabin in the woods. Ring any bells? Thanks!

Wow, that sounds amazing, but it rings absolutely no bells for me. @lilydalexf ? Anyone?