#linda carter; thefleetsfinest

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[ hold ] one muse cradles the other’s face between their hands ground them. 

// Make it Linda holding his face pls maybe?

@thefleetsfinest -> here's that into darkness thing we were talking about

Where to begin with the past several ⸻honestly, she hasn't been keeping track of the time and in the following days, Linda would come to find how short a time that everything had happened.

From apprehending a man, three hundred years old, to the Enterprise being fired upon; it happened in rapid succession one thing after the next thing after the next. Lives lost, that's the most important sticking fact to her. Linda had been scared along with everyone else, but she knew her role and the face she had to wear. A brave face, stepped right up and she had been intensive situations before.

When the ship first arrived, transporter and shuttles being used to land on the planet. Precautions taken, protective equipment worn and masses of people getting sick, dying. The first week were the roughest, assessment of a situation that was worse than the initial information that they had received. It was awful, made her feel ill and shed tears in the one moment alone she'd find.

They helped people, that's what a hospital ship was for. Helping, bringing supplies, relief and aid. Crisis. Linda's proven to herself that she could handle that, after so many years of medical school and training, and she knew she could. When she had been there, it really had tested her.

The Captain didn't die there nor had there been a three hundred year old war criminal and an Admiral who gone so far with what he had done. Linda was sure when the shock wore off for everyone there will be reports and all the sort of stuff that even before she considered Starfleet, stuff Linda hadn't cared for. The talk, all the bureaucracy of everything. It wouldn't be at the top of her concerns, that would go to the Chief Medical Officer. There would be a funeral after for everyone lost.

Linda's already got the number in her head, or at least a guess from before they were even pulled out of the Enterprise after it was all over. She knows her people, knows the ship crew and size. It's not hard to keep Help coming, taking accounting and the count was one less than what it was The Captain, something that may have felt sort of him playing at being a god; that's one of the things that any medical professional all secretly thought they could play at, when it came to saving lives and Chief Mccoy had done it. He had played god, and it was remarkable. Her eyes couldn't look away from him.

Khan's blood had done it, revived a dead tribble and the Captain's only had just died. Livor mortis sets in at twenty minutes, that had been the window of time that felt like a miracle. Tribble starts breathing and brain function was first to save, the heart could be fine for up to an order and the heart valves for a day. She was able to work with that when Dr. Marcus and Chief Mccoy had put Jim Kirk in cryo to preserve what function was there.

That had been rush, she's not even sure how many hours had gone by once they had Khan, and begin transfusing blood. She had a hand in this, father wrote the modern book on hearts published multiple journals about congenial heart diseases, she was keeping an eye on the Captain's heart, made sure it was pumping properly as the blood transfusion had began. Carol Marcus and Leonard Mccoy worked on everything else while she was the monitor.

THE CAPTAIN LIVES. A miracle, and she's sure now that they had him in a hospital bed. Lungs breathing and brain function appearing present. The blood had left Jim heavily irradiated, and he's been out cold but alive. It's incredible, and her eye haven't left Leonard. They had already been looking, before he played a god, before any of this. Her eyes have been on him, chest went incredibly tight when they knew that Jim had died, watched the way that he went tense; held himself together and than dropped down at a bench, the bench with the tribble.

She couldn't move, shared that moment of silence with everyone. She had been attending to a crewman, she couldn't recall who, but her eyes had went to Leonard and watched him hold his face in his hand. His friend had just died, and he hadn't been there. Linda had watched, pinpointed the moment as the tribble began breathing how his mind had begun to work. Eureka in those blues as he runs a test, as he makes the order to get Kirk into a cryo pod. She had been monitoring those.

Preserve as much brain function, had to be fast and Linda's still watching him. Kirk's in coma, but he's alive and going to recover. There's much to worry about him still, irradiated cells and blood pumping through his body; that puts his heart on overtime, there was so much that could still go wrong. There is that chance that he won't wake up, or an unforeseen neurological change within Kirk when, if he wakes up.

It was four days post, and it's catching up to him. There's something tight between his shoulder blades as he's monitoring the Captain. Linda notices how he had been dry swallowing, jaw clenching and she can guess at a grinding of his teeth. She's aware that he hasn't had a moment alone, reports and talk, being in here to monitor Kirk himself. Linda knows why he does that, long chat about anything and everything. Jim was his best friend, and he put himself at risk and died. Revival wouldn't matter.

I can keep watching him, and she would continue monitoring him. There's nothing to update, his body was healing. He lived. She takes over, or tries to when she can. Enforce that she won't work under the Chief if he's not taking any care of himself. Linda doesn't know what he does when she stands in the door way and refuses him to entrance. As the days drag on to two weeks, Linda knows she's wearing herself thin but she's holding on better.

It's nothing to comparable like anything before, but she's had experiences and someone had to. It's as it reaches two weeks, and Jim Kirk wakes up, that Linda is certain he's not sleeping. That was already a given, but he's really not doing well. Jim's awake, and than there's something, as they were both leaving for the evening. Linda knows not to presume how someone will react to anything. Heart transplant, and the young woman excited to have a new lease on life comes back one month later sobbing for the heart to be ripped put and left with a dead heart.

His best friend was alive, awake now, and he seems defeated, heartbroken. Linda tries to say something, call him back. Hey Chief, you, uh, and she chokes on that. Try to get some sleep, Mccoy, I mean it. She was really worried about him, should have just said that. Admit that she watches, pays attention, and he's her friend. Close friend, possibly her best friend on the ship. She should have just aid that, she's shown the concern before but come on, Carter. She knows that her noticing him was more.

It's hours later, and Linda's gotten sleep and she's his friend, call him or better yet he told her where's his apartment. She's up early, way early enough that it makes it an odd hour, most people don't show up at seven am but they knew each other's sleep schedules. He'd be awake and he'd appreciate good coffee.

That's how she ended up in front of his San Francisco apartment, and he does answer to her. AND THE SIGHT OF HIM ⸻ Oh, he was drunk, not just hung over but like he still was nursing a drink. There really had been something bothering him, whatever it was after Jim had woken up. ❝ I'm guessing you're hoping that I had brought an Irish coffee. ❞ She comes in, won't let him take back opening the door to her.

❝ I don't mind the state or the mess. ❞ She's in, and he was sad; must've been mulling over something all night.

Cursory glance around the place, mostly searching for what was his poison was. She takes in the little kitchen, the living room with the bookshelves. Another time, maybe she could browse them and take her pick of things. Really, what she was doing was looking for his poison. One large bottle, and a glass sitting to be filled. There's maybe less than half of the glass worth left. It's got to be a strong proof, and he was going to have one hell of a hangover that was not going to be polite with him.

Linda knows that this was heavy to be dealing with, and she's got to weight her options with him. Decides, however, that he was done at least and one more was only going to make him hurt him. She goes to pour the final glass, and drinks it herself. It's not to show off, but she finishes off the rest in a go. ❝ You don't have the worst taste but there is better whiskeys. ❞ A soft muse, poor attempt at humor she knows. Linda knows her liquor, ❝ Poker with ol' pops, no Doctor Carter in this family wasn't going to not know the good drinks from the bad drinks. ❞

She explains, just to be talking and show that it was okay. She was here, and she wasn't going anywhere; no judgements either. Linda sets the glass down, next to the coffees and leaning down, reaches to take off her shoes. ❝ Come on, floor time, no saying no. Indulge me. ❞ Linda goes to get water instead, because coffee wasn't the trick to countering alcohol consumption. It was the trick to hiding alcohol consumption.

He'll know what that means, over the year they've been working together and they'd end up in his office, sitting on the floor. Shoes became optional, once they felt like were friends and Linda admitted while her shoes were comfortable she rather have them off. So floor time, no shoes, and they'd just sit and talk. Take a moment to just be before they were back to work. It's their thing, what she'd do for a friend.

She moves the coffee table away from the couch to make room for them on the floor. Sits herself in front of his couch, back against it than pats the spot directly next to him and looks at him expectantly. Come on, she's his friend and she's watched him for two weeks wear himself to the. . . . the bone; she knows his nickname, the pun wasn't intended. There's concern on all fronts, but Linda wasn't letting her friend continue or be alone.

They sit, just quiet for a moment and she just focuses on her breathing. ❝ So, that was a lot, sweeping it under the rug? ❞ She starts, trying to speculate perhaps where some of this was coming from. ❝ Christ, I am doing alright or I will be, will be okay again after some time. Nothing like what I've worked under before. ❞ She starts with herself, just talks and tell him about the rush of the day it was, along with the lead up. Admits she was scared, worried for him a lot of it.

❝ First week on planet, the masses. . . . Fifty patients about every nurse and doctor; thirty eight of those first fifty under my watch died. ❞ She's talking about her last ship she had been aboard, giving him some context for where he was at with her feeling. How she handled everything there. She had lost fellow nurses and doctors too, who got infected but that wasn't admitted. Linda will tell Leonard everything he wants to know anytime, about her past assignment or more.

This time, it all happened so fast and they lost crew mates and friends. Linda talks about that, how she may won't feel the effects until a few more days later and the ship; their home for the time was in dry dock for colossal repair. Talks about herself, and perhaps she shouldn't when Leonard is drunk. It just might help, to know she feels it all too.

Linda knows he's drunk, knows there's the chance he's maybe not going to remember parts of this. Aware of his state, but he's alone and he needs a friend; and Linda's concerned for him. So she's hear, and talking. She notices how he was leaning into her, seeking physical contact, and she turns to him. Gives him something more, connection as well, to see in her eyes.

Her hand goes to cup his cheek, hold his face and really look him in the eyes. Thumb brushes slowly, barely skimming over his skin. Her face displays the fullness of her concern, of her care, her best friend since meeting him on the Enterprise. ❝ Hey, hey ⸺ you can let yourself breath, and feel, and you can rest. ❞ She tells him, her lips a part and she means that.

Hopes that she was reaching him, and she has a thought. ❝ He woke up, you saved him and he saved everyone, than died. You weren't there for that, but you were there to save him and he's awake cause of you. ❞ Pure speculation, and she'll admit to that. ❝ You saved your friend, Leonard, that's enough. ❞

Linda continues to hold his face, thumb still moving so slowly over its place. ❝ Talk to me, how I can help you, Chief, I really worried about you and please, tell me what upset you today. ❞ She pleas, and waits and than she listens. Continue to hold his face, or hug him and be his friend. SHE LISTENS WHEN HE TALKS, EVERY WORD, AND DOESN'T LOOK AWAY UNTIL HE WANTS HER TO.

Her hand doesn't stray from his face, and she knows, she knows, she knows. But he's drunk, and this was just friends. That would be okay for Linda. Eventually, they will get up and leave the floor, his apartment. When that happens, Linda presses her thumb gently into skin and rubs again. ❝ Hey, you slipped and this is one hell of a hangover to have, but Leonard? You got through it, in a terrifying time and you did something incredible, and we can talk about that too. ❞

There's a lot of ethics brushed on there and thoughts, she liked their debates and slow day philosophical wanders. Adored those times, and she had so many thoughts about what he had did. There is the god topic, and than seeing how he worked, how he saved hiss friend. A lot to discuss. Later, that's all for later.

❝ You were strong than, and you'll be strong again, and with help if you ask for it, which I am right here, you're my best friend and of course, I'd help you ⸻ speaking of hell hangovers, you're getting water, doctor's orders, and we're gonna go eat now. Doctor's orders too. ❞ Linda's assuming he'll ride the hangover out, instead of curing it medically. Thumb brush one more time, than she's up to get him more water to drink. AFTER THEY'LL GO EAT.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

star trek timeline / linda carter

STAR TREK (AOS) VERSE // Dr. Linda Jane Carter, cardiothoracic doctor aboard the USS Enterprise

Linda is single shipped with @thefleetsfinest and Mel's Leonard Mccoy is the only Leonard that I will write with as her Leonard is always canon to my Linda (on my side of things only) ( I adore ya bestie💙 )

✮⋆˙ -> 2219 (birth) -> Linda Jane Carter was born to the famous cardiologist Doctor Richard Carter and novelist Doreen Carter on the Starbase 515. Dr. Richard Carter had formerly been Starfleet and settled on base to have his family and continue practicing medicine.

✮⋆˙ -> 2225 (age 6) -> From as early as the age of six, Linda knew that he wanted to help people like her father and his friends did. It would be her mother, Doreen and supported by her father, that would suggest she grow up to be a nurse. The Carter family would set Linda on a course of caring for highly for her academics so that she could start on that path early.

✮⋆˙ -> 2229 (age 10) -> Linda's younger brother, Taggart Finnegan Carter, was born. It was with the arrival of her baby brother, Tag, that Linda understood she had a duty as a big sister and take care of him. Years later, Tag would admit that his older sister took more care of him than either parents did (and that is not say that the Carters didn't love their children and raise them well).

✮⋆˙ -> 2232 (age 13) -> Doctor Richard Carter would go on to teach medicine and cardiology within the various teaching schools upon Starbase 515 attached to this bases extensive medical facilities and network.

✮⋆˙ -> 2236 (age 17) -> Linda was on track to graduate high school early at age seventeen, to be on track for undergrad and medical school. She had intention of going on to becoming a nurse, but a medical emergency with Tag, age seven, that would involve young Tag requiring open heart surgery would change Linda's course of where she would go with medicine. While her father may be a cardiologist, she would seek being a surgeon specialized in cardiothoracic surgery. What better way to ensure that you understood what happened with your brother and his surgery, than to dedicate your life to studying that so it wouldn't be so scary for yourself and maybe help others not find it scary other?

✮⋆˙ -> 2240 (age 21) -> Linda Carter would complete four years of undergrad, to achieve her bachelors while still on base, and carry on to medical school while still on Starbase 515

✮⋆˙ -> 2242 (age 23) -> Linda would meet and briefly date doctor Steve Stuart, the relationship would not last for more than a few months

✮⋆˙ -> 2244 (age 25) -> Linda Carter would graduate after four years of medical school, than carry on to a residency of six years integrated cardiothoracic surgery residency.

✮⋆˙ -> 2246 (age 27) -> Linda would meet visiting Starfleet doctor, Jack Tryon, while his ship was dry docked on Starbase 515 for three months, and would have a whirlwind relationship for those three months.

✮⋆˙ -> 2250 (age 31) -> Having spent all of her life and schooling on Starbase 515, and at the tail end of her residency. She was looking for change, to leave home and the shadow she felt she was under with her father's legacy, to which she started looking at the Federation and Starfleet starships that would dock at the Starbase. This would lead her to applying to Starfleet Academy and moving to Earth, for the first time, to attend the Academy in San Francisco. Her brother Tag would greatly encourage this and push her to go live her life helping others across the universe.

✮⋆˙ -> It was at Starfleet Academy that Linda would meet Georgia Jenkins, who would quickly become her closest and best friend.

✮⋆˙ -> Later in the year, she would meet Doctor Stephen Strange, a surgeon.

✮⋆˙ -> 2251 (age 32) -> Linda would officially be an in relationship with Stephen Strange.

✮⋆˙ -> 2253 (age 34) -> Prior to starting her fourth and finale year at the academy, she and Stephen would end their relationship after being met with Stephen's wife Clea, who he had made no mention of being estranged/separated from. Clea had returned to rekindle things with Stephen. Linda would also discover that Stephen had been unfaithful throughout his relationship with Linda.

✮⋆˙ -> 2254 (age 35) -> Linda would graduate Starfleet Academy, specifically in the Medical branch, and would be assigned to three year assignment upon a hospital ship.

✮⋆˙ -> The hospital ship would be USS Solace, accompanied with her friend, Georgie whom was a nurse.

✮⋆˙ -> Upon boarding the Solace, Linda would meet Doctor Marshall Michelis, viral outbreak researcher.

✮⋆˙ -> 2255 (age 36) -> Linda and Marshall would enter into a relationship, with support from her friend Georgie.

✮⋆˙ -> 2257 (age 38) -> Georgie would fall ill from the same virus that the Solace had been sent to an outer planet to provide medical aid and develop a cure for.

✮⋆˙ -> Marshall and Linda would get into a large fight the day Linda finds out about Georgie having fallen ill, as she will skip a promised night off/date; this was suppose to be their engagement

✮⋆˙ -> Linda would go to Georgie who would encourage Linda to make up with Marshall and get engaged to him, which she would make up with him

✮⋆˙ -> Georgie would pass away from the virus, devastating Linda

✮⋆˙ -> 2258 (age 39) -> The Solace's assignment would drag on an extra six month as a result of a responding to emergency distress signal on return to Earth

✮⋆˙ -> This would land Linda back at Starfleet Headquarters at the time of Nero's attack, and after Nero's attack would lead to Linda's next assignment / transfer onto the USS Enterprise.

✮⋆˙ -> A week before Linda and Marshall would be boarding the Enterprise, Marshall would call off going and Linda ended their engagement, going forward with her new assignment to the Enterprise

✮⋆˙ -> Here is where Linda would met Leonard Mccoy for the first time as her CMO, and the two would hit it off and become fast friends.

✮⋆˙ -> 2259 (age 40) -> The Enterprise would be sent to apprehend the Fugitive Khan

✮⋆˙ -> Leonard Mccoy would relapse with alcohol after Kirk's almost death, and Linda would be the one to find her now-dear friend and help him get back on his feet

✮⋆˙ -> Before the Enterprise and crew would embark on the five year mission, Linda would accept invitation to spend time with Leonard Mccoy, Clint Barton, and Peter Parker at the Mccoy family farm in Georgia.

✮⋆˙ -> 2260 (age 41) -> The Enterprise would have begun the five year mission

✮⋆˙ -> Late into the year, Linda would be critically injured while on a First Contact away mission, as the result of the entire enterprise away crew being used as a distraction for ensuing chaos on a planet of telepaths in the middle of a political coup (the enterprise did not know this at the time)

✮⋆˙ -> While on the mend, Leonard and Linda would confess and discuss their feelings that have developed beyond their friendship in the last two years

✮⋆˙ -> 2261 (age 42) & 2262 (age 43) -> Linda and Leonard will have officially been dating, and some time in these two years the Enterprise would dock at Starbase 515, and Leonard would meet the Carter family in person; which includes her father, renown doctor Richard Carter, her mother novelist Doreen Carter, her brother Taggart with his wife Becca and their three daughers (Imogen, Sydney, and Laurel)

✮⋆˙ -> 2263 (age 44) -> The Enterprise would be stationing in Yorktown

✮⋆˙ -> While in Yorktown, Linda was intended to be joining Leonard in getting family time in with the Mccoys, but they barely got an hour worth before the ship and crew were summoned on a critical mission

✮⋆˙ -> The ship would crash on the planet Altamid after an attack by Krall's bees. Despite odds and what's left of the crew, they manage to escape the planet and stop Krall's attack on Yorktown.

✮⋆˙ -> Linda would accompany Leonard wherever he may go, while they await for the Enterprise to be rebuilt in. During this time, they would discuss and workout the details over bringing Jojo aboard with them

✮⋆˙ -> Leonard Mccoy would propose to Linda a month before they were boarding the new Enterprise; to which Linda very happily accepts

✮⋆˙ -> 2264 (age 45) -> Leonard and Linda would be married, after some coordination to gather their families as best as possible, and would be married by Captain Kirk as their officiant and Leonard's best friend.

✮⋆˙ -> Leonard and Linda would begun discussing, possibly adding one more to their little family, which currently of Leonard, Linda, and Jojo; and they would agree to trying for a baby

✮⋆˙ -> 2266 (age 47) -> Linda and Leonard would eventually be successful in trying, and have a baby boy named David Taggart Mccoy together.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

When was the first EXACT moment Linda knew she was in love with Leonard?

@thefleetsfinest -> okay, so somewhere in my brain, this concept and idea of how to detail Linda's entire relationship with love and romantic relationships, and falling in love came about and it morphed from simply answering this answer to writing a drabble that is 13,393 words long. I hope this answers your question, Mel, and I hope you appreciate this! You inspire me a lot and thanks for letting me write this whacky thing; hope it doesn't beak tumblr.

When had she fallen in love. . . . had it been with Steve? He was cute and a little plain. So, no, her first boyfriend wasn’t love. It was never gonna last, but she liked him. . . . what about with Jack? Oh, now there was someone that brought a smile and fondness in her eyes. That had a timer known from start to finish, but it was fun. Jack was good for the heart. . . . Stephen Strange came up in the blind spot and she should have known better. It wouldn’t last either, even with how that ended up. Why did it have to hurt. . . . Didn’t she get engaged? Well, yes, and she had loved him but not enough or perhaps she hadn’t been loved enough.

Somewhere, some psychologist, or pseudo-philosopher like her mother could dissect that relationship with a scalpel. Take out the lungs and liver, the problems and what good it was; look at the diseased heart, put in a jar and turn it for inspection, and call someone the fool. She hopes it was not her.

Now. . . . Leonard Mccoy. . . .

TIME MOVES FORWARD

But first she has to call a friend or she can rent a room, it’s not like she’ll be here longer than a week anyways. After the call with headquarters, she was still cleared to be boarding and joining the crew of the USS-Enterprise returned to the port of San Francisco recently. Her head is level on her shoulders, angled forward and her eyes looking ahead. There is a clear thought in her mind, the new mission and while her heart. . . .

Well, there were two types of doctors the one who put away their feelings and those whose kept them. It was what the Chief Medical Officer aboard the USS-SOLACE had said once when addressing the medical staff as they came to find the outbreak was worst than they had expected and the virus was adapting already, mutated and the variant was not responding to what they had came prepared with.

There were two types of doctors, and those that kept their feelings were going to get sick. That was okay, that meant they would need time to breathe and tend to themselves while they were all swamped with more work than any of the nurses or doctors experienced during their residencies. Linda thought she was the one who kept her feelings, and now as she’s coming onto the Enterprise, heartbreak on her coattails, maybe she would need to put them away. Onto a shelf where she could take them down again when she was ready to take them out and feel them all again, when they were needed. She could be both types.

She was here now, on a new assignment that she had requested transfer to alternate ship and mission type than what the USS-SOLACE had to offer. She gave her all during the harrowing parts on the Solace, loved her work there and did great things for people in need. If she hadn’t done what she had done for love, than she would be back there on SOLACE with its new assignment and helping more people. Linda Carter was committed to path now, she could make commitments and now a new set of people needed her. Any ship of any size would need their doctors.

That was what she told herself, and when she was met face to face with her new CMO, she would say she was HAPPY to be here. Her hand makes contact with Leonard Mccoy’s, a smile before she even looks up into his face. Green gaze meets green gaze as her name falls from her lips, and there’s a beat. A pause where nothing leaves her throat, and it’s as good as the truth that would come from her at the time. ❝ It’s my pleasure. ❞ 

She was happy to be here, to get back to work and immerse herself back into a ship and its crew. Get to know what her duties would be, as she was specially trained in cardiology and cardiothoracic surgery, along with experience dealing with viral pandemics and emergency front line medicine now would always aid her, and familiarize herself with the staff and crew.

Linda wouldn’t need to think about a broken engagement or even speak of that. The ship wasn’t gaining one researcher, Dr. Michelis, but his loss would not be missed. Her hand is still held in Leonard’s, perhaps moments held too long as her lips only pull tighter into a grin, ❝ Well, I am an open book ⸻ don’t be a stranger, we’ll work best if we work as a team and act like friends. ❞   She had meant that, Linda would humor the Chief with any questions and talk in extensive detail about her experience as Doctor Carter and even indulge in details about her father and his work.

Such philosophy would carry over to the whole of the staff here; the nurses, researchers, other doctors, and assisstants all here to maintain the health of a crew over four hundred. They would be her team, and they would act as friends. It would be a different place, a new pace, one which she would have thought had been better for Marshall. . . . now it was hers, all hers ALONE to experience. . . .

FLASH BACK

Out, get out, she has to leave the room. She looks to the Chief, and she had allowed for Linda to excuse herself. PATIENTS DYING? She got used to that; she has known death and looked in its face, held its hand as many would pass on when medicine failed them or when it was their time. Coming here and dealing with the crisis, they all faced massive losses and stood in death’s shadow as they worked tirelessly to fight against it.

It had to take one more before they could figure it out, didn’t it? DEFEATED, TIRED. Her friend, had been her best friend, who laughed with her and encouraged her in their personal lives as. . . . she wouldn’t even be dating Marshall if not for Georgie. She now lay in a hospital bed, dying. That was where Georgie had been the past few weeks, she knows now. EVERY FIBER OF HER FEELS WRECKED.

Linda had promised that tonight would be for Marshall but how could she give herself to him after the news? She wants to scream at Georgie, and then at one of the ship’s psychologists and demand they evaluate her. She can’t be sound mind for rejecting any medical care. She’s just overworked like they all have been, this situation was worse than they had expected. They had needed support, and the masses, the numbers of this outbreak had added an extra digit and it got onto the SOLACE and into its crew. Deaths were coming personally now. Unfortunately for Linda, it was now claiming Georgie and she wanted to swiftly decline, no medicine.

Marshall would understand her skipping a dinner. Would. Should, they loved each other, it should be simple. She’s at his door and entering freely. It’s cold in the room, and he fixes her with a hurt gaze. ❝ Dearest ⸻ ❞  They speak at the same time, and things wither between them in that very moment. He was angry with her, YOU JUST CAN’T PUT ASIDE YOURSELF FOR ONE NIGHT.

❝ My friend is dying! Georgie! ❞ Oh, there’s that eyeroll she despises so much, and all her tears dry up in an instant. She marches with pain in every step further into the apartment, she’s been on her feet this entire week and then the Chief’s telling her about how Georgie’s joined the quarantined and she was going to be dying. She knows he never cared for Georgie, and that was fine even though they wouldn’t be dating without her friend.

PEOPLE DIE, LINDA. ⸻ WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. YOU CAN’T PUT YOUR ONE OTHER PERSON IN FRONT ONCE?

❝ HA! ❞ She bites bitterly, and that’s how it starts. All her emotions torn up, put to tatters and shreds, and he has to push her over the brink. Linda stays on her feet, and she yells right back at him for his snap.

Georgie said they went together because they went match for match. Was this what you were meaning about us, Georgie? She would be suiting up tomorrow to see her in her sorry state.  Ask her why she was making this choice, come to her with her voice sore from yelling it out, ending this relationship from the looks of it.

❝ You are really going to start this right now? People die, but this is Georgie! Losing her fucking life, so of course I wasn’t going to be here with you tonight. Fight me! I know you don’t give a damn about her! But here’s where I thought you gave a damn about me! You know what ⸻ ❞

I DO CARE, BUT DO YOU? ⸻ DON’T MAKE THIS DIFFICULT, LINDA ! YOU HEAR YOURSELF?

She’s losing her friend and she’s losing her boyfriend, oh how she would like for this year to be over with already. Her shoes are coming off, being kicked across the FLOOR, because she’ll be damned if he makes her leave this room when she was whittled to nothing today. Her feet stomp on the FLOOR when she goes for the next round of cutting thorny words. God, everything hurts.  

The argument tears on for hours, raising their voices, back and forth; and she’s surprised they haven’t been reported or dragged out. SHE DOESN’T DO THIS. Linda doesn’t yell in arguments, she argues but she controls herself and Marshall had to chose today of all days to. . . . make her into a woman of hysterics.

TONIGHT, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED.

❝ Don’t. Don’t. ❞ Her hand goes up, just to signal for him to go away and leave her alone. There are her tears again, and Linda wants to fall apart; lay in bed and just be an abyss of a person right now, because she was done with everything. At her limits, then torn completely down until she felt like nothing; not enough. Not enough at all. Taken lower than that.

He does it, the whole speech about her and their relationship, gets on one knee and takes her hand, forces her to stay and have her hand held. Tells her that he’ll be here when she loses Georgie, she’s going to need someone. He even has a ring, and she can’t look at him. She can’t listen to him, be told what was supposed to happen and what she should do. Her heart is pounding, hurting, she feels ill. ❝ Dammit, Marshall. ❞ Linda wants to throw up.

She’s going to pull the ring off, drop it and let it fall to the ground. Where does she go from here? ❝ I’m going to go see Georgie. ❞ Where does she go after that?  

TIME MOVES FORWARD

The first few months aboard were going smoothly; there were those moments when the medical bay would be busy and others when she could breathe. One week the replicators were malfunctioning and the food that was produced had left half the ship with food poisoning. It was immediately fixed, but the problem wasn’t known until several hours later after it had been used all day. It was in a moment like that as she’s moving through the room where she feels a little lonely despite everyone around her, like she needs a breath, and she pauses in a moment to take that breath that she hadn’t realized how badly she had needed that.

Her thoughts interrupted when the Chief pulls her attention, catching her taking that breath and she hadn’t even realized she had closed her eyes until she has to open them to look at Dr Mccoy. Greens meets greens, and she smiles to him. ❝ You don’t ever do that, Chief? Take a moment and breathe it all in? Let yourself just get lost in the room ⸻ ❞ Her hand goes to touch his arm, than to his hand and redirects his hand to his stomach. Mimics herself the same gesture, hand to her stomach and closes her eyes again. ❝ Try it, eyes close; breath and smell the room, breath again and just push yourself. Be the room, and it helps sometimes. ❞

Chief Mccoy’s been excellent to work with, and they’ve hit it off; both of them possibly taking what Linda had said to him when they met to heart. They work as a team and act as friends. She thinks maybe that was just his personality as well, to get along. He’s grumpy, in a way that makes her roll eyes with a smile; laugh over the things he says and sometimes if she didn’t have tight control on her tongue she would match back in wit with his sarcastic comments. Leonard tells her that’s part of his Southern charm, to which she had scoffed and admitted to having no idea about that at all. ❝ Not an Earth girl; so as far as I know you’re making that up. ❞  If it offends him, she laughs.

It felt good to have a friend again. He was one of her first ones here besides a few of the nurses aboard. They would have lunch together sometimes. He’s complaining about his headaches to which she knows now means two of bridge crew men of whom he’s known since the academy. They were talking about the second, Clint right now, and Linda tell him that she can handle Clint just fine. ❝ Honestly, I like him; reminds me of my brother Tag. ❞

They got into the habit of being around each other, they worked well and were fast friends, lunches together unless the Chief was called off with the bridge crew. Linda should know better, not after all the heartache she knows, but her eyes still follow him, watch and stare for a moment. Just a moment before she’s smiling back to her table mates. She does that, she knows, but it has to be nothing. There was still that gaping empty feeling left in her chest when she marched out of Marshall’s apartment. BUT Linda has eyes, and she sees him, Leonard Mccoy. His southern charm might be something after all. Except she needed it to be nothing.

Part of their friendship, their thing, comes in the form of sitting in his office on the floor together. Today, he’s inviting her in because she’s been struggling all day. Tired from the work, and then there’s her heartbreak, memories coming back to her. She hadn’t intended on tearing up in his office, sitting in front of his couch and telling him about Georgie. ❝ I never had a best friend quite like her, and I had only known her since Starfleet Academy ⸻ She could make an entire room brighten up, smile and laugh even the saddest state of that room. We needed, my god, that ship and everyone needed her. I need her. I wished I had met her sooner in life. God, Leonard, I miss her, I ⸻  I know she would tell me now, Carter, you can’t go fussing about me. Go make friends, live life, get married, help people dammit. Put yourself out there on the god-fucking star map. Excuse my French. ❞ She hadn’t even realized she had called him Leonard, but when they were in here, just being friends who listened to each other than why wouldn’t they use their names?

She hasn’t talked about Georgie, at all, not in a while. Linda had put all her feelings in jars on the shelf, and now she’s opening them with Leonard. It messes with her heart a little, trusting him and leaning into him as she does, processes again a loss she hadn’t been over thinking about.

There’s more than just Georgie feelings being felt there; after all, her best friend had been responsible for her dating her ex-fiancé. They talk for about her previous ship, about Georgie a lot more, and Marshall comes up which he asks about Dr Michelis because he was supposed to be aboard as well, and with her. She’s curt about him, that they had been together as that is what would have been on their transfer documents, a couple. It’s over, all over now, and here she was. ❝ I am glad to be on this ship, and I hope the ship is glad I am here as well, Chief. ❞ Is it, are you, her eyes wanting to ask.

FLASH BACK

DARK EYES, ALMOST LIKE VOIDS, HOVER OVER HER. A part of her wants to shove his face aside, but another part of her shivers as Jack’s lips part in that smile that he’s always got on. Wants those lips to be all over her. Her hand does go up to his face, he is turning his head and kissing at her thumb. WE ARE GONNA BE LATE. Yeah, she definitely wanted to shove at his face now, but she doesn’t.

❝ And whose fault would that be, Jack Tryon? ❞ She quips, and maybe her hands are dragging down to his chest because he was hers for the taking; and Linda thinks he was being ridiculous.  WELL, YOURS. ❝ Well, I wasn’t going to have you meet my parents. ❞ She admits to him honestly, with a smile and there’s no wound on his face to that.

They knew what this was. She was in her residency, in the same place that she had always been, and he was a ship doctor, always on the move except when the ship was currently dry docked with about fifty some crew working on this or that. It would be like that for three months, then it would be leaving again, and that is JACK came into the bar she was at one night.

He thought he was a hot shot, and they fell into bed without much work needed. Really, she had been stressed because her attending had been pulling her hairs out all week over everything. He was easy, and Linda just needed the stress relief. Jack’s all charm, and a little older, and she thinks that being on a ship for so long has led him to lose his mind because he asks to be hers for a limited time. She really thinks that he did lose it, but then she must be losing her mind too when he’s showing up everyday to pick her up, get a drink, and only some nights follow her home. Pretend like he’s the perfect boyfriend, and don’t you still have work yourself mister, she asks.

Linda definitely knows that she must have been insane as well to agree to whatever this was between them. One day, Jack points out that the natural thing for a couple as involved in them was to introduce him to her parents. ❝ And what about yours? ❞ He takes the two plants in the room, and holds them up, gives them little voices to his parents.

Jack was a good laugh; and she does introduce him to her parents. It’s a laugh, with her mother asking her father if he could perform a wellness check on their daughter to be so fast with him and she doesn’t know a thing about him. Tag’s the one who points out, and God the things that kid says sometimes, that she’s advertising her sex toy. What’s a seventeen-year-old know about that?

Jack was a nightmare after hearing that, they don’t even get into doing anything that night because she can’t stop laughing. Making fun of what Taggart said, and all she thinks is Jack’s a good friend. Great for a laugh, but they never talked about anything serious. She needed that if they were going to be real.

TIME MOVES FORWARD

Growing older, birthdays didn’t feel as though they had mattered much. They never really had, when there was always more on her plate. That wasn’t to say that Linda wasn’t proud of her age, that she didn’t wear the lines that would form on her face as she showed her maturity with pride. She did. Forty was the next threshold in her life to cross. She’s made herself comfortable on the ship over these ten months. It was starting to feel like her place that she was meant to be, faces becoming recognizable. It was a marvel to simply be tending to people, to be their doctor, familiar and kind. The Enterprise became home, took her on this journey, to new and unknown places with good people. It’s exciting, and its different work than the Solace but she was liking all the same.

There’s someone that comes to mind these past few days that gives her an old feeling of a good friend, of a best friend. He’s got green eyes, tall, sarcastic wit, and Southern charm. The Chief Medical Officer has become what Linda would say is her best friend, and she would know what one of those felt like from Georgie and even a little bit from Jack. Leonard’s something else, and what was she to do about the other feeling? They fall into place, work side by side well together, share odd hour chats in his office. Although he’s been a terrible influence on her own bedside manners, especially when Clint’s come in to make his wisecracks, she’ll snip right back like Leonard does or visibly roll her eyes at him.

Which if she already feels this way about him, why wouldn’t she feel more? Shouldn’t she have seen it coming that her friend, who could look at a file and see when her birthday was, make a big deal about it. It’s what for friends were for, would do, they were just friends, to make each other feel special and take care of each other. So why did it throw her heart for skipped beat when he surprises her for her fortieth birthday.

You are not going to cry, Carter, put those feelings back on the shelf. Linda’s all smiles at the room of people, through the festivities and being celebrated which feels different than the last celebrations had without her best friend, Georgie; but maybe Leonard’s been left for her to be that her best friend now. It’s sweet to do any of this, when she would have settled just fine for well wishes and nothing more. Yet he went and did this, and she bickers with him at the end of the party about going to bed. As it becomes just the two of there, Linda notices something about that, about him, then his green eyes, and his smile.

Leonard’s telling her to go enjoy a good night of rest after her birthday party. That shouldn’t make her tear up, and maybe one of jars had come off the shelf without meaning to. Her feelings were being had and felt, and he only makes it worse on her heart because he had to be sincere, worried at the tears. ❝ I ⸻ No, I’m amazing, this was. . . . you’re, thank you so much for this, and being my friend. ❞ My best friend, and she knows that looking at him that she’s let her heart get away from her again. Should have kept it in its jar, left it to the highest shelf, because she can’t go crushing on (falling for) her superior officer, for another doctor when she’s. . . . ❝ Turn in early too for once, Mccoy! That’s my birthday wish. ❞

FLASH BACK

Her finger moves in a slow circle over a bare chest, and she had gotten into this habit. Linda was focused on her courses at the Starfleet Academy and maybe she had been foolish to think that Jack would show up again out of the blue after years. They hadn’t been anything, but he had left her thinking and now here she was late night with another doctor. He outranks her, technically an authority on her but not for another two years would they be working with each other.

A finger goes up her back, shiver along her spine, and she doesn’t even know what she likes about him. He’s arrogant. She rejected him three times, but then the fourth time he asks, she says once. Linda rejects his offers and attempts at guidance in all things Starfleet. This non-relationship, all it really was Linda being shown around San Francisco and sleeping with him. That ONCE was eight months ago now. ❝ You shouldn’t lie to a doctor. ❞ She could tell that there was something on his mind, that he was lying about being absolutely fine.

They talk in soft voices, and she doesn’t kiss him when they part in bed. It’s how they were, he’s dry and dark, and she’s got Starfleet dreams in front of her. They aren’t so affectionate with each other. She had her life to be focusing on, and so she gets up, to dress herself and get back to her roommate.

GET A DRESS AND JOIN ME TONIGHT

❝ You want to show off your new girlfriend? ❞  She asks tying her hair up, and he tells her not to flatter herself and then she leaves him to his bed. If there’s a smile to her face, she can lie and say it’s a number of other things than Stephen Strange wanting to show off his girlfriend.

TIME MOVES FOWARD

❝ I am going to try pulling a page from Mr. Barton’s book, Chief ❞   Linda begins to chide softly as she is pulling him aside the moment that he was aboard the ship again. His arm had been stuck in a torpedo, of which they only recently found out what was inside of them much to everyone’s shock and some’s horror. Her hands are gentle on his arm, and she can breathe a little easier now that he’s in her sight and seemingly fine. ❝ And apply some humor to defuse a tense situation. ❞

She was worried about him, and the doctor isn’t going to curb her own personal feelings for once with that. ❝ You got your arm stuck, what were you thinking? That you were Jim? ❞  Her eyes search his face, and this whole thing has been one of the more stressful and he could have ended up a blast stain if he and Dr Marcus had been a second slower in what they had been doing. ❝ Lapse of judgement like Clint always has? ❞ 

Broken skin, bruising, and it could have been a lot worse. She actually feels her chest go tight at the thought of that, and he catches her holding her breath. She exhales, ❝ You’ll be okay, Chief, no death or amputation. This should help. ❞ Linda gets him with the hypospray, adjusted for painkiller and for boosting natural bruise healing.

Even putting aside the feelings that cause her heart rate to raise when he’s close, he had become her best friend. To which she knew she wasn’t his, and that’s fine. He was the closest friend she had aboard of the ship, and to lose him or to have something happen to him. . . . Her heart couldn’t take that again. Linda couldn’t lose him, as her friend or as the guy she won’t make a move on. He’s not looking anyways.

FLASH BACK

She’s a fresh-faced medical student, and she’s already a quick study (how could she not be her father is head of the cardiac department on the base’s main hospital) and performing top of her marks. Linda was polarizing, liked and disliked in equal measure but she kept herself none the wiser to any who looked on at her.

Except that she would be blind or a fool, if she didn’t notice how one of the doctor’s eyes followed her. She knew most of the people here, after all she was a Carter and at least a quarter of the doctors and professors she was now studying under would appear around her father’s poker table for a night of cards and gin. A table she’s visited and been at since she was little. Linda knew why others were jealous of her, it was because she had that leg up.

This doctor was unfamiliar to her, and his eyes follows her around every corner that she turns. It would go on like this for weeks, until one day she would turn a corner and march right over to him to request he either give her his name or stop looking at her so intensely. STEVE STUART.  He gets called away right as they finally get somewhere, and she shouts her name at him, Steve looking back to her twice more before he has to turn the corner and look away.

Steve Stuart doesn’t stop with his staring; in fact, he keeps looking at her, but they never seem to catch more than a moment to say anything to the other than the first word that comes out at hello. She’s a medical student, in her twenties, but that doesn’t make her naïve. It’s not as though she doesn’t get why anyone would be looking at someone like he looks at her. Linda knows she was a pretty face, but she’s been focused on degree, on becoming a doctor that her family could be proud of. THEY WERE ALREADY PROUD. It's more that she had a legacy name to live up to and Linda couldn’t let anyone or herself down. The young Carter was focused and not looking back.

One afternoon, she manages to shave off a few extra minutes, having figured out when Steve Stuart does rounds and get a look at him herself; her friend Gwen was right that he was something to look at, good looking. She doesn’t know him though, but she could if someone makes the change from looking to talking. When he catches her looking at him now, he waves with a smile and Linda decides she going to take the chance to go over. ❝ So, what are you looking at? ❞

YOU. I ALWAYS THOUGHT ALL THE ANGELS WERE UP IN HEAVEN.

❝ You know that is not as smooth as you think, Steve Stuart; you’ll have to get to know me first. ❞

Doctor Steve Stuart asks her out than and there, much to the thrill of her friends, Dolly and Gwen. They both thought he was cute, but it goes nowhere from there after a few dates because neither of them find the time for each other more than sparing cursory looks. Their schedules never lined up more than a few minutes. Things like that happen; she was focused on her future in medicine, and he was always more interesting in looks than in person. They’d always have their looks until she doesn’t notice him looking anymore; or maybe she stopped looking, stopped caring to notice.

At least someone did something, so she could know his name.

TIME MOVES FORWARD

Truthfully, she could have joined in the rest of the crew; gotten apartments and rooms, request shore leaves approved or denied by Commander Spock and go home. Yet there was nothing on Earth for her; there were only ex-somethings that she thought little of now. Her thoughts, her eyes, she had been elsewhere, and she’s moved on now. There wasn’t anything here but a Chief Medical Officer that she was worried about; deep in his grief, consumed with the death and recovery of Captain James T. Kirk.

That’s who he was looking at, Jim Kirk, and who he was losing sleep and skipping meals over. Linda watches him stay awake for hours, stay in the room longer than everyone else and refuse their insistence that he go and get some rest; that he leaves the monitoring of the comatose Captain with one of the other physicians on staff in this facility or from the staff of the Enterprise. He didn’t, and Linda knew what she had to do. She had to step in, force him out of the room whether he liked her afterwards or not.

Linda stood her ground, entering the room once she sees three of the bridge crew leave the room. There were a few, feeble attempts to speak to him over the last few days; trying to pull him away from where he was looking. His eyes are on the monitors, on the captain’s unconscious form and he’s going to fall ill from this if Leonard continues like he does. It was all that he was doing was this, trying to play God, bring his best friend back to life, and why can’t he look anywhere else in the room; listen to anyone else?

She’s worried about him immensely, takes up much of her own thoughts, and then she knows this scene suddenly. Georgie sick and dying, laying in a bed for weeks, and a cure that worked came in the difference of a few weeks. All coming too late. Georgie rejected medical care too early, something she had always felt, always thought. A doctor and their best friend; she’s stood in this room and been in his shoes. Never use Georgie’s name in vain. It’s only been a few years since her best friend’s passing.

It's a last-ditch attempt to get her friend to take care of himself before he destroys himself, what feels like a final effort to get him to look at her now. ❝ You are going to leave this room and you going to lie down, somewhere. I don’t care if it’s in the damn hallway, you have a pulse, lungs functioning, all interior processes are there and there’s brain activity. Jim’s alive. ❞ Her tone is voice is severe, because Linda doesn’t use Georgie’s name lightly. He’d know this. ❝ Your friend is going to wake up, I would have torn myself to tatters and shreds to keep Georgie alive. That wasn’t in her wishes, you aren’t going to say goodbye like I did to her. So out of this room, sleep three hours and eat something; than ⸻ ❞  Than Leonard can come back to this, and she’ll keep watching Leonard from the sidelines until something changes.

FLASH BACK

All things come to an end; and they already knew this was coming. Linda would say, at the least, she was fond of Jack but there’s something different about him, in the last two days before he’s supposed to board back on his ship and leave forever. She should have guessed that it would happen.

Life isn’t a romance novel, of second chances and surprise meetings and of resolving and confessing one’s feelings. It wasn’t like the stories of whirlwind romance that last a lifetime like her mother would write about. Jack felt like that; a character out of Doreen Carter’s novels meant to come relieve all her stresses and worries, make her feel more than enough, experience love, and last forever.

This was all plainer than that, she was working on her residency and wondering what was going to be next. Was life always going to be here? And then he’s a Starfleet doctor whose ship was in dry dock for only three months, and leaving today.

Saying goodbye was going to be that, simple, and she could say that with a smile as the words leave. He was fun, a romance novel come to life, but what did she know about him? Nothing, as much as she doesn’t think that he really saw her for who she was. It’s a fling. A short-lived friendship. Fun. What do you say, that’s what his eyes and lips were asking of her.

❝ Well, goodbye, right? That’s what we say. ❞ Linda tells him, pulling away from the hug and Jack’s got funny face put on.

“ Linda, I, you ⸻ ”  There it is, she thinks she knows what he could say. Proclamation of feelings, confession about why he did this or why her, tell her that something has changed for him. She had thought that he had done this because he had have been out of his mind, or dying, or lost; that he needed someone or something. That wasn’t going to be her, this was a three-month fling. Nothing more than that.

❝ Goodbye, Jack, you were fun to TRYON for a while. ❞  See, she remembers how he used his last name like a line, and it made her laugh, roll her eyes whenever he’s used it with her.

He chokes for a moment, on his words on what he was going to say to her; changes his mind on whatever he was going to confess, to say and thinks better of it, agrees with Linda. One more moment, and Jack’s composed himself. ” Carter, you’re gonna make someone really lucky one day. “  Just not him. Linda rolls his eyes at him, because she wasn’t thinking about that, but she’ll grace him with a smile. “ Well, than I guess this is good bye. ”

TIME MOVES FORWARD

AND SHE KNOWS HIM. Linda sees him now, listens as he sounds worn down by the year, by a single day, and then the last two weeks. His heart worn down focused on someone unavailable. She knows that feeling. Over the year, Leonard and Linda have given each other bits and pieces of each other so they knew each other. They’d done a lot, over the year, to let the other in, to see each other and to know. She watched his face fall, and she won’t regret sticking around, or the way she feels for him in that moment, and then in this moment as they sit in his apartment.

The whiskey still feels like it’s burned her throat, but he had been eyeing it with guilt; that he had swallowed too much, and Linda’s met enough people in her lifetime, to know the different walks of life to recognize the alcoholics and addicts; and Leonard she knew about, he told her too, about himself, which mattered all the more.

Linda’s here because she cares, because he could use the friend and they know enough to trust each other and Linda’s not leaving him alone. When she’s done talking, she listens to him, and it all starts to make sense. There’s a twinge, a squeeze to her chest, but her face won’t show her reactions. Linda just holds his face in her hands, holds his head and leans into his shoulder shows him that she was listening as intently, with the whole of her person.

Greens meeting green, unflinching and not judging as he chokes on words, swallows and looks away from her because the weight of his words are too much to share, to bear, so scarcely shared for him. He was carrying around so much, the loss of Pike, the day’s events and crewman lost, feelings for Jim, and then Jim dying, listening to Jim wake up to thanking Spock while he stood to the side today, and lastly drinking past his limits. Lastly, not being able to go to and share that with Clint, the friend he got sober with.

I KNEW I NEEDED TO BUT I COULDN’T, INSTEAD I DRANK

How her heart aches as he tells, sobs, he can’t handle these two weights at once, dealing with his deep feelings about Jim, toward Jim, for Jim (which maybe she knew, and she won’t admit she knows his feelings better than a listening ear, knows what it means to feel and look at someone and it is not the same, that was how some friendships were) and then drinking more than he allowed himself; why he drank and how much he drank. Linda knew that Leonard and Clint were close, and now she knew why. They got sober together, and now he’s broken that. She tries to hold his gaze as he moves to look away.

❝ Who’s disappointed in you? He won’t be, and I am certainty not disappointed. ❞ Be nicer to my friend, she thinks about him, and Linda can’t know the intricacies that he was feeling; ❝ It sounds like you’re the only one disappointed with yourself. ❞ How she knows that she cares for him greater than friendship. She could do this for anyone as a good doctor, even as a friend, console the weary. However, Linda knew she wouldn’t hold someone quite like this, look at anyone like she was looking at him.  

It all aches a little like that.  

FLASH BACK

He took her back, as she came to him feeling weary and worn, taking her best friend’s words to heart. If she could have waited a week, two more weeks, only a little more time and then she could have had Georgie here too. Linda won’t admit that she begged and that she had been wrong, and she was sorry for yelling; and she needed him, she would need him, and she loved him. It was one very bad day, one very bad night, that was all. Linda’s sorry and he was right about her; and Georgie’s help screwed her head back on the right way.

And Georgie passes, and then it wasn’t long after that they got the serum right, the vaccine, and things would change. That’s how that year had went, with her being engaged to Marshall, and he did hold her through losing her friend and he loved her, and she did love him. Linda loved him almost as much as she loved Georgie, and now he was the person she loved most (well, she still loved her career more and helping people; being needed by people). She had needed him, because that was a loss that wore down on her for months and would wear on her for many more years to come, she was sure.

The Solace is delayed in returning home, there’s been a situation an additional six months they had been away from port. The Captain and the Chief took stock of the crew and medical team; they were tired but willing, spirits not broken. They went to help, and then they could go home.

Linda’s in their shared quarters, reading a book as she waited for Marshall, they would be back on Earth soon and she would go home with him. They had topics to discuss, related to the ship’s return because these four years on the ship had worn on long for her fiancé. Linda saw he was unhappy, so maybe it was the ship, emergency and crisis, dealing with the sick that would be a lot for anyone. Linda’s toughened up because of this, but maybe Marshall hadn’t at all.

❝ We don’t have to stick with the same ship or assignment, we could transfer to one of the science ships; that could be a nice change of pace. ❞ She suggests to him, when she’s gotten him sitting with her and reaching to take his hand, to start the discussion about what would be next for and that’s where the disconnect starts to happen between them. His fingers go to toy with a notably barren spot on her ring finger, with which she knows what he was doing.

Knew what would be coming up next from his lips, so she moves to kiss him first before he can speak. When were they going to get married? ❝ Just something to consider before we even get back on the ground, and you know that I do want to marry you. ❞  That didn’t feel like a lie, because she did. Linda loved Marshall, and she would be his wife, and they would go everywhere together, everywhere that she was looking forward at. He would be right along at her side, focused on study and research, and wasn’t this what he signed up for?

He makes that sigh, looks her in the eye like she isn’t getting it and maybe she wasn’t, and it wasn’t enough, and she wasn’t enough. Looking so far forward, at what was next because she would be giving up being on ship with the people who have become her friends and family after four years; saw each other through the hardest parts of crisis. Linda was giving that up because this wasn’t working for Marshall and she saw that, but she wasn’t stopping at what she was, who she was; being on a starship and being a doctor. It’s too much of Linda now to stop after one starship, one assignment. She would give up the Solace as home, the crew as family, for Marshall to find a better place for both of them.

❝ We’ll keep talking, and I’ll handle all that ⸻ okay, I love you, Marshall, come on, I’ll show you how much ❞

TIME MOVES FORWARD

It only takes them an hour longer before she manages to get Leonard out of his apartment, off the floor, and gotten him to finish a glass of water. Linda puts on a smile, it can be hard to do that and to be disappointed with yourself, to be coping and dealing with loss; she’s dealt with a lot, and she knows that at some point forward had to be looked at and it would take a lot longer after these last two weeks. She can smile for the both of them, look forward.

Linda knows what it was like to feel that way, to feel alone, to feel not enough; but now she’s got her head on her shoulders screwed on the right way. She knows how to sweep herself off the floor, and right now he needed the hand in getting up off that floor. A good start to dealing with everything was to start at the beginning of the day and that meant breakfast. Linda holds out her arm for him, holds out her hand for him and they would go find somewhere to have breakfast. ❝ Come on, we’ll walk together. ❞

She figures that was as good as any of a way to start, to help Leonard carry on and her heart may ache for him, over him; and there’s a lot more she knows about him that she will think about. Later, she’ll think about herself and that later, right now he mattered more. He’s barely eaten more than he absolutely had to, and almost had a whole whiskey bottle. Leonard needed food, rest, to breath and find something to focus on. Smile a little.

❝ We’ll find a place that serves toast and jams, that’s always been my cure after terribly awful night. I’d sit at the breakfast table with Tag, and we’d eat an entire stack of toast until our stomachs felt like bursting and try a different flavor of jam on each slice. ❞

Then they would carry on with the day, then the week, and figure everything else after that. She would have to figure out what she was going to be doing with her time, where she would be staying while the ship was in repairs. They’ll talk about that over breakfast, what to think about forward and start figuring out how to heal.

FLASH BACK

Her things are being packed, how this had happened that she would end up with him where her things would migrate from her apartment with Georgie than end up in Stephen Strange’s. It was better this way; she’s telling herself as the feeling of anger and shame follows after her, because she would be graduating from Starfleet this year and she wanted to take an assignment on a starship; and it was like the relationship with Jack except this one had lasted longer. It would have to end. However, it had gone on long enough that they were going to have admit there was feelings between the two of them. At least, for Linda, as it turns out.

However, that was where she was feeling like a fool for making a home in his sanctuary and laying on his chest after they had sex, talking in whispers when they found the time and she’d dress up for him; be on his arm and shown off as his new girlfriend. Caring for him, and for them.

Now there was a Clea Strange at his door, that he hadn’t ever mentioned before, and Linda had better things to do with her time; better places to be. Linda’s marks at the Academy were all at the top, and she should keep it that way and it’d be easier without being the other woman. She wasn’t even the only other woman; she was just the one who. . . . She doesn’t even know what she was to him if anything; he gave her names, they were Sherlock and Watson, and they had their things, and now all she thinks is that she was a fool to him.

Clea’s sweet, talks to her and tells her that they had been separated, and Linda being there hadn’t hurt her. She left him because of his infidelities, because he couldn’t handle his problems and it doesn’t help Linda. So, what was she? His next mid-life crisis? She was a lot better than that. Clea’s incredibly sweet to help her, and they talk more than she expected. Clea’s the estranged wife of Stephen Strange, but Linda’s not a fan of feeling like the mistress, and what was Clea doing back anyway?

That catches on Clea’s face, and Linda doesn’t need her to answer. Oh, well, she missed him, and she wanted to give him a chance. Linda was evidence he hasn’t changed much in the time she had left. Clea smiles to her, gives her a squeeze to her hand and tells her that she owes her, if there was anything she ever needed than she could call either of them.

Linda thanks her, and she doesn’t know why when the wife feels like a slap in her face. It would be later when she’s back at her apartment with Georgie; that she would be angry and hurt. Be in hysterics like she hasn’t before, but most of that comes from feeling like a fool and being disappointed with herself.

TIME MOVES FORWARD

Linda was going to stay with some of the crew who were in the same boat as her, not sure where she was going, and her home wasn’t here on Earth; and it’d be lonely to explore the planet by herself anyway. She thinks that right now was the first moment that she has been alone, truly alone, sitting with herself and she’s requested the same amount of shore leave as everyone else, but she wouldn’t even be leaving the port of San Francisco, until. . . .

Leonard Mccoy catches her, and he looks like he’s been getting some rest now and clearing of his head. OH, heart sings at his sights. It’s good to see that after the last few weeks, feels good to see him in a better-looking state. He’s got something to ask her, which wasn’t what she was expecting from him with where he was going finding her and what he had to say. Linda’s got the words on her lips, rolling over her tongue and ready to release as much as she knows the pang it causes in her chest. WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? She would say if he thanked her. Leonard was her best friend, and so of course, she was going to care and be there for him. Linda would do that without question.

There was a thank you, but that’s not the only thing that he had come to her to say, had come to her to ask. He’s telling her how he was going home, to Georgia, he needed some Jojo time, and he was inviting her to come, that he’d like for her to join him on the leave. She hadn’t any plans, she had confessed with laughs because she wouldn’t be one of the ones going home or seeing her family. Her friends the Academy were in different places, the only people in this city were ex-somethings if they were still here. Her family was on a whole Starbase in another quadrant of space, far away.

Linda can’t quell the feeling that bubbles up when he asks to come, because its time and closeness with him, and she says yes without much of a thought. So, she’ll take the time off with him than. Go with him, and like that she had a place to go, it may not be her home, but it was with her dearest friend and his friends, though Peter and Clint were closer to friends for her as well, and she would love to meet the family that he has talked about.

On the way there, she sits with him. Looks at him when he’s not looking, and she’s endeared by the fact that Clint and Peter were joining them on this leave. There are feelings that swell in her stomach, churn in chest, that were familiar and unfamiliar in equal measures. It’s a contrast seeing him now to a few weeks ago. And maybe he’s told Clint and maybe he hasn’t yet; to sitting on his apartment floor and listening to him heartbroken (how her heart cracked in the same ways in sympathy) over what he and the pilot shared that he had broken; the disappointment in himself.

Sitting here with the three of them, Leonard talking with Clint. Watching that was why she liked Leonard, that was what she had liked him for, that he was bringing them too and opening his home, his family, taking this time with them. It had meant a lot to Linda, to see that was who he was. Inviting.

Georgia is a good time, and Jojo’s a sweet kid. She’s always been good with kids, the whole family joked she raised baby brother Tag herself; Linda always wore being an older sister as her proudest achievement. She likes Georgia, seeing another side of Leonard and meeting the Mccoys made her feel like she was home with the Carters. It’s going to be awful on her heart, isn’t this? It’s not going to help with the thoughts that she needs to be letting go, moving on, and accept that she would be happy to live in friendship with him.

One night, it was just the two of them enjoying the night air and she was at his side, and she tears up. How many times is she going to cry with Leonard? There are tears because she hadn’t a place to go and he invited her to come with him to his place to go, opened his home and family. Linda hadn’t seen her family in person in a long while, hasn’t been on Starbase 515 since four years of academy, four years on the Solace, and then she boarded the Enterprise. He doesn’t know how much it means to her, doesn’t know what being hugged in his arms means for her either.

Say something, say something, say something and she doesn’t. What holds her tongue is not something that Linda think about.

On the trip from Georgia back to the Enterprise’s port, she was sitting next to him again and there’s chatter around them, but she’s quiet. Her eyes on a book, green gaze throwing glances to Leonard now and again, and she has to say it, right? She has to admit this, at least once, because she feels it in her chest; like she has never felt before with anyone else. Her lips don’t move, her voice doesn’t make a sound at all. Nothing moves, none of it comes out, and he is none the wiser to her thoughts or feelings. Linda can’t avoid admitting that after the weeks in Georgia with him and doing nothing about her feelings were small or ever to go away, that she has to say it to herself at the very least.

She has to say it to herself first, admit it to her person and acknowledge the feeling; know it and then she should think about saying that thing. She could go about no longer just looking at him, and noticing how her friend, best friend, was someone more than that; and maybe Linda wanted to give herself, give the old heart in the jar another chance. Tell him, make the change, sink or swim; but first she has to say to herself anyway.

Linda looks at him, pretends to know what she was laughing along with as she thinks, as she feels it that she has FALLEN IN LOVE with Leonard Mccoy, and oh how she LOVES HIM DEARLY already as a friend and it is felt more than that.

They’ll get back on the ship soon, get back into the work rhythm, and when things feel healed after what happened with Khan and Admiral Marcus. All settled down than Linda will think about what she does with her feelings. What does she do with them? Give it time, and maybe she’ll figure it out. Risk telling him.

FLASH BACK

THIS WAS THE WORST FEELING. She’s never known a heartbreak like this one; and Linda felt herself break when she knew she failed and found herself responsible for a patient’s life being lost that first time. Thirty-eight lives lost under her care the first week that they were here, and yet that was nothing to this feeling now that she didn’t know what to do with.

Now she knows what happens when people don’t know what to do with their feelings. She didn’t know what to do with herself or with hers. Marshall wanted to marry her, but than his words hurt and cut her deep; left her feeling beaten down when she was already kicked to the ground.

Georgie hadn’t been avoiding her for. . . . Georgie had been avoiding her because she had gotten sick, and it got to her quick, and she’s been lying in a hospital bed, wanting to hide this from her. Dying alone, and Linda can’t yell at her, for the stupid decisions to do that, for dying. Linda wants to know why she wants to feel it all, no medicine, and die in that way. What the hell was she thinking?

Her heart was breaking in two ways, and she didn’t think that was possible for it to be torn to shreds. Some doctors put their feelings away and some keep them, and she wants to throw hers up as she enters; finds herself sick as she sees her friend not looking her best.

If the hours of argument with Marshall left her dry, empty of all her tears, voice aching and weak; simply seeing her best friend like this had left her completely filled to the brim with tears and they were already spilling over. Linda holds her hand in hers, touches her gloved hand to her cheeks and asks her what she could do for her, and she can’t help herself; what happened and how? That spills her lips as loosely as her tears flowed. Why and then what the hell are you thinking?

She begs her to hold on, and then Georgie shakes her head; maybe she’ll help beat this, her dying being the key to figuring out the cure to this mutation (it was like a living learning creature). They talk about everything after that; and then Linda is telling Georgie that she thinks she was single now, and how Marshall was going to propose.

That she was so tired, and hurt, and angry; doesn’t even get to telling her friend what they had argued about, all the nasty things that both of them had said to each other. Georgie tells her that she had helped Marshall out with that, and she was glad to hear that he was going through with it; that he had wanted to go through with asking her. She knew weeks before, and she asks Linda if she could salvage this. Georgie thought that they looked good as a couple, and that must be a nice thing to be wanted and needed and loved like Linda was.

It was Georgie who tells her that she still had her chances, that she could go and salvage it. Apologize, because people needed people and she wasn’t going to have Georgie anymore. How it all hurt. Linda didn’t know what to do, and she’s asking her what to do with her feelings, with Marshall, and everything because knowing she was losing her best friend wasn’t helping her. She listens to her, every word Georgie says, and it’s her guide as she goes back tail between her legs to salvage her relationship with Marshall. You loved him after all.

Watching Georgie go, day by day. It was the hardest thing Linda had been through. And then the doctors, the scientists figure out the serum, the right treatments and cure but it’s all too late.

FLASH FORWARD

Time passes on, and Georgia is still on her mind, and time continues on that. The ship’s been repaired, most of the events they all went through swept under the rug and a new truth is spun. Beyond the dead, there are crew who leave the ship and so there are new faces aboard the Enterprise, all required to pass through the medical bay and be seen by the Chief or any one of his staff. They’ll come to know them, as they would be out on a five-year mission and that felt like a high honor.

It is slow the first few weeks to find the new rhythm of things, but things were healing as all things do and start to resume back to the pace that she had gotten used to over the past year and months on this ship. She’s glad to be here, to be a part of this crew.

Today was a quiet day, the chance to take a breath and her eyes find herself looking at the familiar faces, processing everything all over again. Georgia the place, being there with him and what she had realized, what she admitted to herself about her feelings for Leonard, and Georgie the person was on her mind as well when her eyes settle down on Leonard Mccoy in conversation with Ms Carol Danvers across the medbay.

Okay, what am I doing here, Georgie?

Let’s break this down, so what is going on?

AFFLICATION: okay, starting from there. It’s my heart and not the kind of issues that I studied in medical school. See him over there. Leonard Mccoy. Chief Medical Officer. Are you hearing the problem? Another doctor, are you keeping count of how many that is for me? Along with he is my Chief Medical Officer, remember Stephen and technically Steve could have been in charge of me too. Weird how it was those two, and Marshall was older than me, and ranked higher. I’m not even done, the affliction is in my heart; I like him and maybe I’ve already fallen for him more than that, in love or love him. I’ve never liked my mother’s poetry, but I could think in poetry about him.

So, you have a type, you always knew what you wanted, Linda.

Not now. Not now do I. Stephen and Marshall broke my heart. Torn me down. I don’t know if I want to handle that. If I can handle that again.

What makes you think it will be the same thing as all the rest?

VARIABLE: Well, he is divorced? I know that doesn’t really bother me, but I have to count all the facts. Alcoholic, which doesn’t bother me either. We all have our things, and mine is this right here. My last two relationships ended, and Marshall was right about all the things he said about me. I am too focused on what I want, and I love moving forward, I love being a doctor and challenge. I fell in love with being Starfleet actually, and it’s hard but it’s exciting. Okay, okay, so I could screw it up. Really screw it up, I do that. Great doctor, terrible girlfriend. He could want something from me that I can’t give. I couldn’t be whatever Jack wanted me to be, too short of a time to know him, and I don’t know what Stephen wanted me for. Marshall wanted a wife, and I kept prolonging that. It never happened. I’m not enough, and what if he wants something; or he asks me later down the line to chose him. God, I really think he's incredible Georgie, and I am in too deep, and I don’t know what to do. The rug could be swept out from under me, it always does when my heart runs away from me. Tell me what to do, Georgie.

Come on, Linda, you always know; you don’t need me to tell you.

P.O.A: No, I really don’t know what to do, there’s no plan of action here. I know that I should say something or try to move on. I could try, but then I love his and mine’s friendship too, and maybe sometimes that isn’t worth the risk. You chose to die quicker and in pain. Was that worth it? My two options are saying something or nothing. Move on or not, maybe just living in these feelings and friendship is enough. I thought he might have said something, once, but. . . . Maybe I should just give up.

Linda inhales, holds her breath for a moment before she lets out a sigh, looking away from the man at the other end and looks back down to what she was doing; engages herself in conversation with the nurse on duty and shakes her head to get the thoughts out of her mind to carry on. She was still figuring it out.

FLASH BACK

Linda doesn’t understand what was happening. As she was telling Marshall about all the things that they to do now that they were shipping out, on their new assignment, the Enterprise, and they needed to get their security clearance for going aboard among other things. She’s abuzz actually, to get back to working and caring for people. This all mattered to her, and it was the start of the next great adventure, and it will be with her Marshall at her side, and he must be looking forward to this as well.

NO.

❝ I am sure by moments before we are on board, you will be as well, dear. ❞  That doesn’t change his expression, which wasn’t readable to her as she’s putting her things down with confusion on her face.

❝ Well, when ⸻ ❞

WE AREN’T GOING. 

Hold on, what that was a load of bullshit. They got their assignment for the Enterprise, they’ve been jumping through the necessary requirements for boarding any starship and ⸻ what? What was going on? What did he know, and why hadn’t she heard anything?

❝ No, we are. Nothing’s changed. ❞

DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME?

❝ I ⸻ of course, I do. . . ? I do want to be your wife, Marshall, we aren’t starting this again. You know that I ⸻ ❞

WE AREN’T GOING. QUIT. QUIT WITH ME. MARRY ME NOW AND WE MOVE TO BUENOS AIRIES. WE COULD GO TOMORROW.

That gets Linda getting up on her feet, a panic rising up in her chest because that has not been what the plan was yesterday, and they go out in less than a week. This can’t just happen like that, was he sick or ⸻ she was short for answers. She goes to open the door to their balcony, going to look out and get her breathing under control, try to figure out what was going on here and process her feelings as they were coming to her.

YOU CAN’T BE MY WIFE AND BE A DOCTOR.

He has a speech for her, so many points to be made about her, about her and him; and Linda has to admit to herself that she is barely listening. He has a whole plan, everything worked out for them, her whole plan and all she can focus on is how he wants her to quit everything, Starfleet and being a doctor. Her dreams, career, who she was being stepped on. She bites her lip, as he talks to her, talks down to her like he often does, talks like when they got engaged but Linda can’t reach inside herself, in her heart to fight back against him this time. Yell at him like they had before, like he had hurt her. She leans against the railing.

❝ I don’t understand. ❞  is all she can say when he was done talking, and she flinches again pulls her arm away and walks to the other corner of their balcony as he reaches to touch her.  Where was all of this coming from? She can’t be a wife and a doctor?

NEITHER DO I. I’M OFFERING YOU A GOOD LIFE, LINDA. YOU CAN STAY WITH ME AND NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING AGAIN.

His hand connects with her arm and pulls her to look at him, forces their eyes to connect and she is frowning at him, confusion and hurt in her eyes but she won’t cry or yell.

FORGET STARFLEET. FORGET MEDICINE. CHOOSE ME.

❝ Marshall, I can’t. Those people need me. ❞ Her career, her dreams, what she loved doing more than any person. She would be caring for people; a ship of that size needed its full team of doctors. Linda liked being needed as a doctor, liked her career and her role in life, in the entire universe. They were expecting her to show up. Marshall and she had talked about this, they had planned this together. She gave up returning to the Solace for him, was going to be his wife one day.

I NEED YOU. YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY THERE, LINDA. YOU’VE CHOSEN A VERY DIFFICULT LIFE, AND YOU’RE GOING TO BE DOING IT ALONE.

She feels alone right now, hollow too. Definitely not happy. And then there’s that word again, his favorite word to use with her was difficult. Linda stares at him, and just goes mute. What was she going to do? She had even been wearing his ring, and he sighs at her frustrated. Linda pulls away from him, quick and violent, and her hand goes to pull off his ring. She sets it down, on the little table on their balcony where she had enjoyed her morning coffees and a good book.

❝ Give me an hour and I will be out of here for good. ❞   He pinches his nose, considers what she had to say, and she follows him to their front door.

THEN IT’S GOODBYE. I JUST HOPE AND PRAY YOU’VE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. . . . FOR BOTH OF US.

He had to say that one last thing, to try to get under her skin. Make her doubt herself, not feel enough, and try to get her change her mind, regret it. I think you were wrong about this one, Georgie. What was she going to do? It’s not as though she has Georgie’s apartment to return to anymore.

It was like the rug was pull from under her feet. All Linda knew right now was that she was a Starfleet officer and was boarding the starship, USS ENTERPRISE, in less than a week. Actually, she needs to call to make sure that was the case and Marshall hadn’t done something about that. Her heart was breaking, and she had no idea what to do about that or with anything at the moment. WHERE TO GO UNTIL THEN?

TIME MOVES FORWARD

THE ENTERPRISE WAS HOME, THE CREW HER FRIENDS, AND THE MEDICAL TEAM HER FAMILY.

Linda’s always been qualified for field and away team, her experience from Solace has always served to be entirely valuable. She knows that the Captain had favoritism toward the Chief coming on these things, but today would be her time to shine.  Linda had looked in Leonard’s eyes with a smile to her eyes, and there is that fluttering in her chest as he expresses his concerns to be careful. Still, she hasn’t done anything about her feelings for him, and they haven’t easily gone away though as she tries as she might.

In fact, he and her have been as close as ever; maybe closer since what happened in San Francisco.

This was going to be fine, Leonard, but I will be. She meant her promise to him, truly she was being careful and intended. The civilization they had contacted, after they had hailed the Enterprise, was a matriarchy and to respect that, they were getting the lady doctor or Dr Carter instead of Dr Mccoy to aid and perform an exam.

There was something in there, that they had been missing, but no one thought of that until it was too late.

Linda’s in a room alone with a gentleman from the people here and accompanied by two women who were his bodyguards. Outside the room, on the other side of the door she had knew that Clint Barton was there while Spock and Kirk were talking with the leader of this sector.

The doctor smiles to him, holding up the tricorder for medical exams to start checking him on, and there’s something quite not right. First the talk between them was a doctor meeting a patient for the first time, but than the gentleman starts asking her questions and holding her attention from what she was supposed to be doing.

What throws her off is when he asks if she loves someone, and he specifies deeply. Linda doesn’t want to answer, but she feels complied to tell the truth with him.

❝ Yes, I do love someone deeply, dearly. ❞

He considers that and asks her if she has told them lately that she loves them.

❝ Actually ⸻ ❞ Linda, why are you being honest? ❝ I haven’t told him at all, that I love him in the way that I do. ❞ The compulsion grows as he asks why. ❝ Well, I’m a coward, just a frail and pathetic woman, and I keep planning to make my feelings known but ⸻ ❞

Without realizing it, he has started to rise to his feet asks her what his name was.

❝ Leonard Mccoy. ❞

“I will make sure someone apologizes to him than.” He moves quicker than Linda can process what was happening, a cold metal pain jets into her gut and at least she remembers to scream loud enough. Sharp jabs of pain, and where’s this blood coming from?

There’s a shout, Clint’s, and all of hell breaks loose as Linda loses all sense of what follows after that.

FLASH BACK

Good news for her, Linda would be on the Enterprise at the end of week.

As she was standing on the balcony, figuring out what the hell she was going to do and Linda thinks she should be crying. Her fiancé, a relationship she has invested years in, and had given up much for; Marshall had given her an ultimatum and left her.

This was his apartment now, so she would have to get out. Her eyes go back to the ring on the table. Linda finds herself all alone, there was interstellar communication to her family but other than that; she hadn’t seen them, and they were in another quadrant on a starbase. There was no going to them, and it has been eight years since.

Georgie was dead, has been dead, and for all she knows all her friends from Starfleet academy were on their own assignments; no one on Earth or in San Francisco. Well, there were people that started to come to mind, an owed flavor promised to her, but it has been years since that had been made. Was it even true, were they even still there? It was a long shot, but her only shot.

What the hell happened, Linda Carter? She can’t work out why she wasn’t crying, perhaps she was still in shock. That was a very likely variable. Linda does feel broken, like she wasn’t enough; it wasn’t enough to be loved and have her dreams. Could she only have one? Would she be ALONE AND UNHAPPY? Was she really choosing what was DIFFICULT? Really, was that all her personal life would ever amount to?

She can’t be crying when she meets her new crew, her new superior officer. SO, CRY NOW DAMMIT! She can’t find the tears, and the hour will be up soon, and Linda really doesn’t want to see Marshall again. CRY.  Otherwise, she would be a ticking time bomb for those tears. God, she wanted to yell at the top of her lungs because how was this happening?

Carter, you’re gonna make someone really lucky one day.

HA, YEAH, RIGHT.

A plan does start to formulate for her, in her eyes and she gathers her things that would be coming with her. It would be humiliating when she was already feeling so low if she cried when found out where she was staying, when she boards the Enterprise and meet dozens to hundreds of people.

It would be awful to break down in front of all those people, so she envisions a scalpel in hand and cut out her imaginary heart, the one that held all the feelings. There were two types of doctors, the one who put away their feelings and the ones who kept them. She would take out her poor heart, THE FOOL, which must be diseased at least at this point and put it in a jar, put it away on a shelf, and get through these next few weeks.

Linda could let her heart sit up on a top shelf, heal from its afflictions, and then when she was ready, she would take it back down; then she could feel all the feelings. Put her foolish heart back where it needed to be later, because right now she needs to compartmentalize and focus on her career, on her path ahead, on the future ahead. She’d be meeting hundreds of new people by the end of the week. She can’t go there feeling like a frail and pathetic version state of herself, with tears streaming down her face.

She would be alright, and taking out her parts right now would help if that favor was still withstanding. After all, it had been years since she had met the Stranges, since uncomfortably sitting in one of Stephen’s lectures after their breakup and wondering. She found out later, he hadn’t been faithful to her either even, along with not telling her he had a wife. Linda makes the call anyway, and it picks up, it was still them and thankfully it was Clea on the phone.

❝ You may not remember me, Mrs Strange, but it is Linda Carter. ❞

“I do remember you, is this about that favor?”

❝ Yes, actually. I am intended to ship out on a starship in less than a week, and I need to place to stay in that time. ❞

“I think we could be that place for you. That’s not too much to ask. We are still in the same place. Are you okay, or are you sure you’ll be okay?”

❝ I am fine, okay, eager to get starbound again is all, and it will be okay. I am over that, kind of had to be when he would guest lecture in some of my final year courses. I am okay. ❞

Diseased heart on the shelf and still feeling like a fool. I am difficult, I am unhappy, and I am going to end up alone.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

how do you feel about McCoy? ( for linda )

implied mention -> @thefleetsfinest

Head cants ever so slightly to the side, and than a slow pivot to face the owner of the voice. Having spent a majority of her life on Starbase 515 to which she joked that you would know every medical personnel on and off base in thirty years, she knew what a rumor mill could be like and look like. Linda could name all the greats that came through that base and probably knew more than half a couple dozen secrets to never see the light of day.

Her two years spent on a starship prior to the Enterprise had only reinforced the idea that a concentration of people sharing one habitat would naturally evolve into curiosities about their neighbor's business, especially on starship. She taps away at a pad, holding up one hand to signal one moment before she gives the question even any levity of thought.

❝ Chief McCoy is a remarkable doctor to work alongside with and I have a great matter of respect for his dedication to our ship's crew as well as his consideration for his staff. It has been a pleasure and honor. I am lucky. ❞ And that's her professional answer, and further answers that would require her to speak from her heart would not be stated so freely or namely while her hair is tight in a bun, concentration on her work, in the middle of the medical bay.

In the nebulous part of her mind, she's aware of Leonard in concentration in his office with the door left open to keep himself involved with the greater space of their workplace. She liked that about him. There's a lot that she liked about him, that would leave her with a delightful ache in her chest and all the softer, finer details that only her pillows would know her smiling into them about.

Green eyes only spare a cursory look in his office's general direction, before she's redirecting focus to the pad and crewman in front of her. A courteous smile starts to grace her lips, ❝ Now is there anything I can assist you with, any medical concerns you may be having? If privacy is needed, that can be created before announcing your concerns or questions. I can defer you to another of our staff if that is preferred as well. ❞

Linda looks them in the eye, smile a little more tight and tone touch more advisory warning. ❝ If you are simply loitering, than I will tell you to leave and take it to the mess hall. . . . or somewhere people aren't working. ❞ The snide side of her almost wants to mention the Bridge if only because of the rumors and gossip surrounding the ship's senior officers.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

[ tiles ] one muse finds the other sitting on the floor and joins them. - For Liiiinda

@thefleetsfinest -> anyways i am soft for this friendship turned work place romance

It's business as usual aboard the ship, in Medical, with those that need attending to by one of the nurses, medical assistants, or few doctors. Those that weren't attending were all tucked away, doing their own things be it paperwork or research. Conversations being had here and there, the typical level of noise on given day.

She had always been someone who picked up on things quick, it's how she had gotten through fifteen years of medical schooling, two of which on the false start as a nurse, than five of which on surgical residency, and the decision of Starfleet Academy after that. High level amount of stress, a fast pace, and it lends to her learning to pay attention to details.

Patterns, habits, and details paid attention over the people she now worked with now aboard the Enterprise, five year mission; it would be heartless and in poor form if she didn't know these peopled and cared for them, inhumane to not connect with her colleagues.

Chief McCoy's been off today, tucked away in his office and that is not entirely odd in and of itself, Linda can hazard a guess and probably land about eighty percent right of the stress and amount of work his has to do in command here.

There's a lull in conversation between her and on of the nurses, a chance to slip away and bring the excuse of passing something onto McCoy for the nurse. She gives a cautionary knock, but enters anyway when not given any sign not to (or perhaps she's too bold sometimes), and the sight is not what she expected and it explains perhaps the lack of response. His office closed again, and Linda steps in and sets what she had in hand onto his desk without much a word.

As gracefully as she can, she ducks down and sits her legs to the side of her. ❝ Hey, Chief ⸻ ❞ Yet it doesn't feel quite right, and Linda's a doctor first than someone who worries about honorifics and ranks. ❝ LEONARD. . . . ❞ She tries instead, and Linda hazards that some contact would be welcome, leaning her shoulder into his as he was found sitting on the floor of his office.

Now the good doctor wouldn't say anything, but he seems a little shell shocked. Anxiety attack would be her diagnosis. ❝ Doctor-to-doctor secrecy, tell me what's going on, or I will even give you one better, doctor-to-patient confidentiality. ❞ A little light humor, she's always held such things with great respect, but she takes a deep breath. Holds it, counts the held breath in as a whisper than exhales out ❝ . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8. . . . ❞

❝ You look like you just need a friend, mind if I be that friend? ❞ Linda asks, and she would consider her colleague her friend already after so many months. Quite a good one too. Everyone on the medical team was counted as hers already. Being with these people daily, and her rapport with Leonard, that was only natural to develop.

She just focuses on breathing, doesn't press anymore and makes her breathing exercise one that can be followed again. If all he decides is that they are doing breathing exercises for a few minutes while seated on the floor, than back to business as usual. That would be fine, Linda knows that sometime all that was needed was a breath.

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Leonard is CAREFUL to be as quiet as he possibly can as he VERY carefully lays down in just the right position ( On his stomach, supported by one good elbow so one hand was free to VERY gently trace soft circles on Linda's baby bump.) his head leaning down so he could WHISPER so he hopefully wouldn't wake up Linda who was just trying to peacefully get a nap in.

"Hey there jumping jelly bean.. I can see ya in there trying to do flips.. but maybe do you think you could do me a little solid and give yer mama a break? For me?" the KICKING in question, gave the slightest little kick in response right where Leonard's hand just happened to be resting on Linda's stomach.

A soft chuckle...

"C'mon now... don't be so fussy..shhh...shh..." Leonard's voice only grew softer with every word he spoke, his head inching all the closer until he was placing a GENTLE KISS on her stomach. (He couldn't help himself.) He hummed softly, just some soft little tune that had been stuck in his head.. though he still took care to keep his voice as quiet as possible.

STARDATE 2266 -> quiet afternoon

Getting here to this moment, in the broader spectrum had taken time; two years of deciding and trying, doing what she and Leonard could do to make her body and boost their fertility, and she would say that it was worth the months of trying, of nothing until they got here. She felt deep down that they would, and so thy kept trying after the nothings and negatives, and now here she was four months pregnant. How Linda got here this particular day was taking an early morning shift, seeing to a few of the crewman who had always been her patients by appointment and there was a development with one of the technicians from one of the lower decks that she’s been monitoring that she fears will need to be brought to the CMO and the captain as well.

After the work shift, to what had contributed to the decision to take a nap, had been that the ship was within range of federation satellites that allowed for her to had to communications and get in contact with her own family. Check in with her parents and brother, it was rarer for her to get the chance to catch all of them. Linda loves her sister-in-law Becca, and she gets it; or thinks that she does. Everyone was trying to be helpful since this was her first time being pregnant, telling her all the things she is finding out for herself in her late forties. Things that she knew about from a third side, as a medical professional who had to do rotation of obstetrics and gynecology, who lived, studied, and worked at one of the largest interstellar medical facilities between the alpha and beta quadrant.

She knew things and this wasn’t her husband’s first baby, and he happens to be a doctor as well with experience. It’s already starting to feel a little draining, hearing from all the women in her life who had been pregnant before about this and that; followed by the advice. Her sister-in-law was well-intended, but she definitely was desperate for conversation other than what to expect. Or at least, she’d prefer to find out on her own or take advice from Leonard. The highlight of her call has been her mother and seeing her three nieces, all growing up to be the absolutely cutest things to be. Imogen had much to show off, and the twins were chatty, always talking over the other.

Linda had been and was delighted when she had started to notice the movements of the baby. The kicker, which pun may be intended, was that she always been a light sleeper. That’s still been an adjustment and taking a nap today after a stressful morning in the medical bay and a call with a chatty overly advisory sister-in-law was proving to be somewhat of a task. She had already asked the computer to dim the lights, laid herself out on her back and she’ll forever be glad that Leonard’s always been particular about the mattress, the blankets, and the pillows. Its comforts were felt immediately until whatever grace period she had been given was over. In fairness, she had only been trying to nap for about thirty minutes now despite the movements when the door to their home slid open.

That took her from teetering on the edge, to being more aware of her surroundings and body. Twists, kicks, and turns all happening from her stomach, all feeling like a light flutter given the size. A little more awareness, but she still had time before she would be back in blue uniform for part of the evening, so Linda kept her eyes shut even as she listened to Leonard try to quietly move about. The peace would probably end if Jojo popped in early, but that girl liked to be everywhere on the ship all the time when she didn’t have school.

To Leonard’s credit, he was being as quiet as he could be, but heavy sleepers were neither of them. However, Linda’s not about to let him know that she’s more awake than sleeping as of present; so, she pretends not to notice as he lays down in bed with her or does that as best, she can, though there’s some of her own shifting which possibly gives her away. She wouldn’t know as he makes no indication, and Linda was still trying to slip into sleep.

Such a notion proves harder when Leonard does one of her favorite things, that hasn’t gotten old or tired yet (it probably never will) and that’s talk to her bump, hand over her stomach and she’s sure he’s feeling an ounce of the activity that she has. JELLY BEAN ⸺ how her heart does sing over this man and maybe he’s managed to convince said jelly bean to settle back down. It’s not as though Linda had ever needed convincing, because when the talks had come with Leonard the answers were easier found, decisions came about quickly because she really wanted him; Linda’s done rash and romance, and failed and had a whole plan, vision of her life, and then Leonard Mccoy happened to paint a prettier picture with her; and she’s glad.

Linda can’t help herself but give away that she has been woken. One of her hands moves to where Leonard is, tracing up from his shoulder to lightly drag through his hair. ❝ Hey there, Leo.❞ Her voice incredibly softly, to keep the relative quiet and she hums a little, trying to find his tune as her hand brushes back and forth. ❝ Little one just started; all still for when I was talking with Becca, not a single movement. I think little one wanted to greet daddy, or napping for me isn’t allowed. It’s one of the two. ❞ There’s a sigh there at the mention of Taggart’s wife. Linda gives her own chuckle as she talks, and she rolls her head a little. Dark hair sprayed crossed the pillow as she tilts to open her eyes just to see Leonard in the dim lighting, she normally kept for nap time. Gazing down at him, and how does he do that get her heart all in a twist after so many years, over kissing at her stomach.

The weight of his hand and the warmth of nice. ❝ Everyone says hi, Mom said you will have to catch them next chance we get for contact, Jojo too. We had our usual baby update talk. ❞  She gives little details of the call, filling in on what was new with the Carters, their three nieces, and what about pertaining to their future little one, how he is coming along. Linda quiets for a moment, just focuses on brushing her fingers through his hair and she hopes he’s staying for the reminder of her rest period. ❝ Mhhmmm, and you? ❞

She could frame this moment, wanted to pause and stay in quieter moments when Leonard is laying there like this, humming to the bump forever. He's been her greatest love, and she loves their children so much; loves the family that she now has had and looks forward to growing from three to four. Linda brings her hand down, back of her fingers brushing against his cheek then go over where his hand is on her stomach. Resting her hand over his. ❝ Stay for a nap with us, please. ❞

[izzysarchivedblogs]

Up Next: @thefleetsfinest On Deck: @danversiism or @darehearts

The Enterprise was going to be stationed over the Starbase 515 for a few weeks, upon which for Linda had meant taking shore leave off the ship. This was her home after all, born and raised on the Starbase, a young girl whose family afforded her many comforts and as a young medical student notoriety as well.

There were plenty of reasons to an assortment of emotions, namely the range between eager to nervous. She would be seeing her family for the first time in a few years, and she had someone to introduce to them. Her brother, Tag, she was explicitly eager for him to meet Leonard.

On top of that, she may, more or less, have promised the Captain the chance to meet her father and possibly play poker with him and his room of associates who settled on the starbase for one reason to the next; for research, to work, to teach (which really was retirement in her father's opinion).

Today bordered on nerves because as talk about what she would be doing on the Starbase, so came talks about dates, double dates, namely today; she knew a place that had always supplied the best wine and dancing to be had . The nerves came more from the accompaniment of the other couple joining them. Linda's never done a double date before.

❝ You're gonna be hearing me say this a lot, but there is at least a thousand persons between my mother and my father that know the Carters. ❞ She warns to the group of them, though she doubts that'll run probably tonight unless the bartender was one and same from when she was a student, sipping whine and complaining along with her fellows about one thing to the next. Subsequentially, that meant they would know Linda.

❝ I'll see about getting you in on the melting of great minds, or whatever old Dad calls poker nights, Cap- JIM. ❞ She need not be so formal here, but it's definitely something that's adding to the nerves. Carol, Jim, and Leonard know her as Doctor Carter, while here she would be Doctor Carter's daughter, daughter of her mother one of the upper class socialites living on the base, and than all of Linda's achievements came after. ❝ First thing's first my family needs to meet Leonard, but that's another day's worries. ❞ Hand tightens its grip on Leonard's, and it's the first indicator that she's flustered more than she could say right now. Partners over ship captains when it came to meeting the family, but she was sure that Jim would get a seat at poker.

❝ Well, this is the place ⸻ Top shelf wine and the place to bitch about Nurse Barkers for fresh-faced medical professionals. ❞

[izzysarchivedblogs]

Smash or pass + Bones ( linda )

ACCEPTING -> Smash or Pass + A Character -> mentioned @thefleetsfinest

❝ I will have you know that stays between ME, THE CHIEF, and MY SHEETS ⸻ or LEONARD'S. ❞ It really depends on who invites who where. She's a lucky and very satisfied woman.

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@thefleetsfinest -> i am not sorry at all to anyone, i am going to be obsessed and binging these two -> no seriously im gonna lovingly be a menace to mel about them forever -> [continued]

The nerves are NOT FOR THE DATE; or well, they were about it, but had nothing about the gentleman she would be meeting. He was fine, and wasn't too weird about setting up a date. Linda hates idea of ratings and scales, but he was maybe a five or a six. Not very high, but it was the internet and she couldn't judge through a phone. So she was giving it a shot.

There are NERVES, but they come from the fact she still has NO IDEA what she's doing with herself. Why DID she ever let the Sorcerer Supreme and Jane Foster, Asgardian goddess or whatever she was these days, TALK HER into dating at all?

SHE LIKED HER LIFE ⸻ most of her days and nights spent in a nurse's uniform in her private clinic, most of the friends she did have being the superheroes she treated, and she liked that. AND OKAY ⸻ some days were more lonely than others when she went home and rough days could be draining. THAT WAS NORMAL.

Her social life was fine, and she had Leonard! He's been incredible. Helping with the clinic itself as a doctor, to being company around this place and a fast friend; to bringing in sweet tea and letting her get little lost in his eyes as she sipped tea and listened. Everyone loved his dog, Luna, coming into the clinic and hanging out. He works well with supers and powered alike. You had to be a special kind of caring, along with vaguely threatening and tough when a patient need a nudge. The Hawkeyes and a handful more come to mind.

He's incredible.

There's a lot more about Leonard. . . . SIGH.

SHE FEELS SILLY GOING ON THIS DATE. Her second since she broke up with Stephen years again, and now she does see the problem in that. THERE'S WHERE THE NERVES ARE COMING FROM. Linda feels silly even presenting herself, she knows she looks good or fine; Linda knows she was a beautiful woman in her forties and dresses were fitting on her, always liked being soft and feminine.

YET ⸻ now she was standing in front of Leonard, in her sundress, shoulders exposed and hair down. HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ⸻ AND THAT GIVES HER BUTTERFLIES. Linda can't help the involuntary urge to brush part of her hair back, tuck behind her ear and over her shoulder. To which she does do.

It's the fact that he was staring at her, HIM LOOKING AT HER. Oh, those were the jitters she was suppose to be having. BEING SEEN FOR THE FIRST TIME. Take someone's breath away, and than it's Leonard, he's looking at her. Her smile on her face is genuine, a real smile because those were feelings one gets when they want to be seen, to be noticed. Jitters, because she wants to be pretty for her date and she's FEELING THEM NOW.

She's applied sunscreen, but maybe she should have gone with a sunhat or covered shoulders. . . . YOU LOOK DOWN RIGHT STUNNIN' ⸻She laughs soft, fluttery and she is a little nervous. feeling shy, ❝ Hush, maybe I should have gone with a sun hat if we are outside; it'd be rude to wear sunglasses and I put on sunscreen. . . . But. . . . ❞ Like she was actually worried about skin cancer. She's stalling.

LOOK PERFECT JUST THE WAY YER ARE ⸻ She knows she was stalling, rambling on herself with fussing about the sun, the dress, hat or not hat. She did her hair half up for this. ⸻ Who was she seeing again? And why wasn't it Leonard?

He really had been an amazing additional to the Network and specifically her clinic. There had been worry he was slowly burning himself at both ends, two jobs with one being paid and than this free private clinic being all volunteer, but she really didn't have time to voice that concern with him; as if Linda didn't burn at her ends either.

LET'S FACE IT I'M A LOST CAUSE A' THIS POINT.

Now hold on, ❝ No, no you aren't. ❞ That was silly, and no way was one date equating to a social life. OH! That should have been one of her counter arguments when Stephen had been teasing her about having less of a social life than he had ("well, that's because you're a man-whore" had really been the sentiment she wanted to respond). ❝ You aren't a lost cause at all, you'll be next ⸻ you're still finding your feet here. You'll find them and get there. ❞ Her gaze softens as she looks at him, a smile offer and Linda does mean that. Just don't go too far away when you do.

Leonard was in no way a lost cause, and Linda had seen a lot in her life that could have been. He was no way near that, and maybe he was a little lost but who hasn't been? There's plenty of days she doesn't feel enough and then on that thought; Leonard would find his way. They were friends now, and she believed in him. Had she mentioned she thought he was handsome and incredible?

Linda's short heels click on the linoleum floor, crossing over to where Leonard was standing behind their front desk counter. GO ON GET GOING ⸻ Linda goes to pull him into a half hug as her goodbye and thank you. Those butterflies still there, inhale and exhale, oh gosh. ❝ For the record, your prattling on is always welcome. ⸺ Okay, okay, I'm going and I'll talk to you later, alright? ❞

She'll definitely text him after the date, tell him all about it if it went as horrible as her last one or if it went well enough. Linda doesn't really predict it going anywhere, but she'd try getting back out there at the very least. It'd be good for her well being. SHE'LL BRING HIM BACK SOMETHING. Treat him to some good food picked up on her way back, it really was the least she could do until she could figure out more she could do FOR HIM.

❝ Thank you, Leonard. ❞ And she was out the door for her date. That thank you for him meant a lot; and Linda had never envisioned her being Night Nurse going on to become what it was today. He was invaluable addition to that. The clinic was in safe hands, his hands.

Mhh, his hands.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

@thefleetsfinest -> based on hawkeye: freefall issue six

This might be one of the worst FUCKING nights in a long while, and she doesn't think that lightly at all. She has been through a lot in her life, seen and done a lot as a nurse, as a practitioner. That was her job, has been ever since she started on a nursing program.

Blood she was used to; she could handle being covered in it. The side of medicine that she was in now was a lot of mess and carnage. THAT WAS NOTHING.

Tonight fucking sucked when the entry door at her apartment building was kicked in. The callbox button buzzed repeatedly, and LINDA! IT'S AN EMERGENCY! LET ME IN!

It was late, the clinic closed for that rare night because everyone needs a break and no one came in today; that's signs to take the night off. She should have known that. She should have known.

HELP. HE'S DYING! ⸻ I'M CALLING AN AMBULANCE! THERE'S NO TIME. ⸻ HE HAS TO GO TO A HOSPITAL, CLINT! HE CAN'T! HE HAS WARRANTS!

The, BOY, because he looked young (had to be a teenager), looked pale, limp, and there was blood everywhere. BLEEDING OUT. She orders Clint to put him in the room, than go wait in the other room. INTO HER OWN HOME. He didn't try the clinic, he didn't try meet at the clinic.

He brought a CHILD to her own home. First glance assessment, and he should have been brought to a hospital where there would be a lot more equipment, a lot more staff that could do something. Linda knows she is no damn miracle worker, knows the limits of her abilities and her clinic. There's been plenty of GREAT FEATS that she has done, that she has achieved, to help and save lives.

HOW MANY WAS THAT ⸻ One, two, three. . . . Eight or ten arrows through the kid's body.

She was in the other room with him, and he tries to talk but it was too much. DON'T TALK. Two things she learns is he was seventeen and his name was Bryce. Knowing the amount of arrows doesn't help, whoever turned a child into a pincushion and knew how to make that DEATH long and painful.

Thirty minutes, and there was little she could do. This wasn't her clinic, didn't have her tools or supplies, and even than she would have needed blood; which a hospital could have provided. She should be sleeping in bed, but now she's covered in blood glad she pulled on a scrub gown.

YOU BROUGHT THIS INTO MY HOUSE, CLINT. MY HOUSE.

She chewed Hawkeye out, and than he stormed off. Linda knows she should have called someone, called or done something. Turned him out, because now there's blood everywhere and the coroner is coming to collect and she's alone. WORST FUCKING NIGHT. It's in her house.

She's angry, livid, and exhausted. Emotional as well, and she has to wait for the coroner. HURRY UP, SO SHE CAN START SCRUBBING CLEAN.

There is someone to call; someone that comes to her mind and he should be off from work, unless surgery went long but Leonard's always upfront with her that she can need him even if he hopefully has gone to bed already. THE TIME ON HER MICROWAVE TORMENTS HER. She doesn't want anything to happen to Hawkeye, but she hopes she doesn't see him for a long while when the anger wears off.

A dead seventeen year old with ten bloody arrows pulled out, everything's a mess and SHE FEELS LIKE A WRECK. Please pick up, please pick up.

[ ☎️ ] ⸻ ❝ Leonard, please. ❞

First word from her lips, when the phone picks up and there's no barrier between her and her emotions. A heavy sigh, tired and all torn at ends, can't worry about anything else now.

[ ☎️ ] ⸻ ❝ I'm F-FINE. ❞

Tight tone of voice, forced out because she was fine. Linda wasn't hurt, just frustrated and wound up.

[ ☎️ ] ⸻ ❝ I'm sorry for the hour. I have a coroner on their way and I hope it's fuh- fast. The entry door is busted in, so just come right up. Please, and wear your scrubs, there's lot of blood to deal with. ❞

Linda knows she wasn't explaining well, but can she be given some slack? She's tired, and angry, and overwhelmed. She needs the help, at least she can ask for that. Linda just NEEDS HIM.

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"I do reckin' that's a bingo darlin' "

ARE YOU LINDA CARTER'S TYPE? -> "accepting" Oh, look who won already, good luck to everyone else, @thefleetsfinest takes the grand prize.

Affliction: your CMO is kind of your dream guy and you are kind of falling hard and fast Variable: if your previous track record is anything representive of how you are at matters of love, you absolutely could screw this up and end up alone again P.O.A.: kind of too late, so you might as well let it happen, and kiss him like a lot

❝ One could call this being an overachiever, Leonard ❞ ⸺ or maybe her standards are a little high, or like he's kind of perfect and met them all ⸺ ❝ That's a little more than one bingo, but I'd just call this more reasons to kiss you, right? ❞ And maybe she should've added something about that accent because she hadn't known how damn attractive those could be, and his green eyes kind of take the cake.

❝ So I mean ⸺ ❞ And she's leaning in, because she's got moves of her own and all kind of special tricks. ❝ ⸺ correct me if I'm wrong ❞ Cup his face, move in and apply pressure with her lips to his lips, or something like that. Everything giddy, no room for further thought, bpm rising and her dopamine levels, all of the fun stuff going on, ❝ ⸻ is this a good enough prize, or start to your prize? ❞

[izzysarchivedblogs]

"I'm screwed." It was a soft admission and one that had come out of nowhere. The two had just been sitting there in silence, Luna between the two of them. (Head on Barton's knee. Traitor.) Leonard honest to god didn't think he could fall for someone like this again.. yet there he was. In love.

God Dammit..

" Just take me out of my misery Barton. Just shoot me off into the DARK ABYSS." He was sure that Clint had already put one and two together, he was OBNOXIOUSLY smart, no matter how much he liked to pretend he wasn't.

@thefleetsfinest

Today felt like one of those slower days, met roughly around the same time as they always did and Clint's stretching slow. Feeling parts of his body pop as he does so, and watching for Leonard to experience the same thing that came with age. He absolutely had not felt like pushing himself today, and than the good doctor brought his mutt to yoga.

That wasn't particularly out of the unusual but he consider pup-days to be slower days when they probably going to go through their routines much slower or even stop midway way through, like they were doing now. Sat on the floor together, and not a word was needed to be uttered. HE SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE COFFEE. However, getting up to go fulfill that desire was most unappealing thought right now.

Legs had been straight out in front of him, and he had ben leaning forward to touch his toes which came with ease despite his middle age now. That form of stretching abandoned when Luna turns her head to stare at him, big brown pup eyes and he's reaching to scratch behind her ears until the corgi's head is resting on his knees and Clint decides to stop moving all together.

Keeps himself propped up with his arms slightly behind his back while he simply breathes, relaxes until Leonard breaks the silence first. I'M SCREWED. That makes him makes a soft ha, that mostly lives in his throat. Those first two words don't give him much context, but all that he really knew was that it was time for one of their chats. They could be about anything, and Clint knew the rules. Whatever is said stays between the grave and morning yoga.

It doesn't sound like one of the when-I-used-to-drink talks, or any of their weighty things. It's not the kind of aa sounding talk either, or that's good new. Not that he minded, this was one of the few spaces where Clint ever expressed how his gut turned when he needed a drink and has denied himself every year in recent years.

OUT OF MY MISERY. . . . DARK ABYSS ⸻ Now Clint knows what he was talking about, and he lets himself laugh softly. That's tad dramatic, and Clint plays right off that. ❝ Okay, meet me where I can jettison you off later. ❞ That almost sounded dirty, which makes Clint laugh a little more at that own thought. ❝ I was gonna ask, do you ever think the Captain would let me jettison someone into space to insta-freeze-explode. . . . But if you're so willing. . . . ❞ He's not being serious at all and he could hazard a guess onto WHO he was talking about it.

❝ Cardiac means heart, right? ❞ He asks, as if he's an idiot who doesn't know how to add or what words longer than four were. HEART DOCTOR is the point he's making with that question. ❝ That sounds like the most typical thing ever ⸻ Like I'm pretty sure Peter's read the role reversal version of this story in a novel before. ❞

Clint's attention returns to Luna, giving her more scritches and he thinks he could really get something out of this. ❝ I won't say anything, and I won't even tease you if Peter and I can have Luna for a week. ❞ He will always take opportunity for dog time.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

@thefleetsfinest -> i am gonna get so normal about doctors mel -> [ continued ]

An eyebrow quirks up when he brings up his argument, and this really was not an argument. It may be mild teasing on the subject matter upon discussion. Sedatives, profession, oath and she smiles a little as Leonard's a tone a touch teasing. YOUR DEFINITION ⸻ ❝ You know they make dictionaries, let's see. . . . ❞ Now Linda's being purposeful in pulling up a MEDICLAL dictionary, clear and on display for the CMO to see that.

❝ U. . . U. . . U ⸺ Ulcerative colitis, underactive thyroid, urinary incontinence. . . Mhh, yes, yes I see. ❞ She feigns as though she is deep thought reaching over various terms in the index than glossary. ❝ Nothing on defining unwarranted. . . . ❞ Of course, there wouldn't be but that wasn't the point anyways. Leonard's been in here before and after she's gotten sleep, six hours at the most within recent day of a small influx. Linda had sat down at a work bench, and informed the other there were definitely paperwork that did not explicitly require his overview. ❝ So, than, I suppose you would be the CHIEF on defining unwarranted here. ❞ Letting Leonard win this time. . . . this time.

A hum is made as he starts to complain AGAIN about two of the most notable patients to visit more often that others. ❝ Well, when you put it like that, than carrying sedative sounds more like necessity ⸻ Might as well stock up your pockets, if you aren't doing that already. ❞ That is fully said in a teasing tone, and Linda could se where the urge would come. In honesty, she would do the same when it came to Captain and the pilot in question. Actually, ranks be damned when came to providing medical assistance.

❝ The wound had barely finished clotting, and next thing I know you're getting your exercise routine in. ❞ AKA RUNNING AFTER JIM OR CLINT.

⸻ BUR IN HIS SADDLE. . . . A soft laugh as it sounds silly and halts her typing, and Linda almost wants to call him on the phrase coming out wrong but she wouldn't have any point of reference for that; she wasn't an Earth born girl at all.

SOME GUEST ⸻ ❝ I heard about that, he clocked Lieutenant Walker without much of a warning in front of the bridge crew. ⸺ He had been brought here. At the worst, he's got a sore jaw. ❞ To which she does not sound all that concerned with. Yet she contributes to the conversation, to which she would let out a large sigh. ❝ NOPE, and here we were complaining about slow days not less than two weeks ago ⸻ Brace for seeing a lot of Barton this week? ❞

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[ wrinkle ]  one muse curls their fingers into the other’s shirt to make them stay put. - for linda and more soft hours

@thefleetsfinest -> well since you cockblocked leonard earlier so it is only fair

FINALLY is one of the most foolish thoughts that she could have, but it’s thought and felt as their time in HIS quarters sway into a direction that she was in favor of. Considerably in favor of, with the way that he’s in her space and he was HEAT. All fire for her, and butterflies in her stomach over their lips meeting each other in long holds of breaths.

It had felt awhile that they had gotten the chance long enough for each other, which isn’t surprising but Leonard’s all shiny and new, exciting for her and since their relationship taking this turn after feelings were already there for years. Linda’s not letting him out of her grasps for many hours if she can help it.

So this felt like finally moment, and Linda knows it was silly, the dumbest trick in the book, that when his hands find purchase at her hips, exploring as she wants him to. The woman lets out a sigh, from the thrill as her heart is pounding and her clothes are coming off first; and she’s eager, wanting and helps out. Stupidest little trick, but she gets bra off in one move with her clothes. Green eyes gaze up at him, proud smile on her lips as she lets him look at her, and there’s that thrill when someone she really adores gets to look at her, when she wants to be sexy, hot, and a whole list of adjectives for them. FOR HIM.

He makes her laugh, with the way he does admire, while the drawl of his voice makes her feel tingly now. Always had some effect on her, and then the things he says, the way he reacts has her giddy and laughing as she’s pulling him down despite walking him back to his bed so that she can kiss him just for the way that he was making her feel, for making her laugh. When the back of his legs back contact, and Leonard doesn’t even have his shirt off and she doesn’t even know if she cares. YET AT LEAST. Her lips are back on his sighing, taking his hands to direct them . . . . where? Everywhere, she isn’t sure, but they end up at her hips, her sides and then he’s sitting on the bed edge.

She is bringing him closer to her, arms around his shoulders slipping behind his neck, deep and wet kissing now. INHALE, and SIGH against his lips, sounds just for him and she’s pushing at his shoulder, send him backwards further up the and she’s straddling him now; because she wants and now THAT SHIRT being on is a problem for him. Needy hands pull, tug, drag her hands to get his shirt off. Linda is smiling all too proud when it does come off, a victory and she looks, slides her hands to feel him up and HAPPY SIGH AGAIN.

Linda was going to take her time with him, let him do whatever he would like to do with her. There’s no need to keep track as she is straddling him, sitting on his lap and kissing him so eager; and okay ⸻ she knows what she wants him to do.

Her wishes do come true, thanks herself for the way that her hips roll over him and it ignites him, and then she gets what she wants. Her back to his sheets, him over her and green eyes meet hers. EXCITEMENT, and she can’t help a small laugh, light and giddy. His hands, well taken care of hands, have already been invited to explore now his lips will too. Going from her lips, to just under her jaw and to her neck. Head canting back, her dark hair a wild pool sprawl across the sheet, the pool.

His lips are the sole thing she is focused upon, breathing with him and her eyes are closed. Tracking where they go, then she remembers his hands, hers which trace, trimmed dull nails drag along over his skin to encourage him. TO HER CLAVICLE, then lower and she wants him to take the dive, hands and lips to her chest and then lower more. SHE WANTS.

OH, SHE WANTS ⸻ that is when it is over because there’s a summons. From his communicator, or maybe it’s to his room directly. There’s a pause between them, his lips on her skin still and please, stay there. Linda sighs, then he sighs. THERE IT IS AGAIN.

Kirk to Bones.

Summoning him again, and Linda’s not even listening. It goes a third time, and she can admit to her own frustration. A hand goes to his chest, pushes lightly at him. ❝ Go. ❞ She squirms under him, scoot herself up and back so she can sit up. He kisses her, and she pulls away to sigh, ❝ GO. He won’t stop. ❞ Right on cue, another call for him.

Like Leonard would say no anyways, the first call he wouldn't and he'd be going at that anyways. Linda would bet that this wasn’t an emergency or a mystery ONLY he could solve; and she thinks he is incredible. LEONARD IS, but there are about four hundred something capable people and whole medical stuff that could handle the same emergencies or mysteries. This was a best friend thing. AND HERS IS PUTTING ON HIS SHIRT TO LEAVE THE ROOM.

Linda’s sitting up, hair a mess as she watches him. He’s apologetic, and the woman smiles for him. Scoots herself down the bed while his shirt comes back on, shakes her head when he offers her clothes of hers. However, when the shirt is on than her hand is reaching out to grab into his shirt. Pulls to bring him back, looks up at him.

She keeps her hold on his shirt as she leans up to kiss him, her free hand going to brush his cheek. Linda looks in his eyes, after she kisses him for that long moment with her hand gripping his shirt. ❝ Okay, now you go, and don’t worry about me. I will ⸺ ❞ She looks over to her discarded bra and clothes. ❝ ⸺ be fine. ❞ 

When he does leave, Linda collapses backward onto the be and gives her a minute to just sigh to herself. Let herself think, imagine, only for a moment what Leonard could have been doing to her. AFTER THAT, she gets dressed again and goes to clock in more hours in the medical bay, where Leonard isn’t which proves at least one theory of hers. Linda doesn’t ask where he was or what he was doing, because whatever it was is only going to frustrate her on what they were NOT FINALLY getting to do.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

@thefleetsfinest -> [ continued ]

There's those inky tendrils in the back of her mind, that feel like they are at the base of skull just pinching tight. Tension that starts to slip free from the place it resided in the back of her shoulders, between the blades, as HE DRAWS CLOSER.

❝ Kiss me. ❞ She had invited, asked for, wanted a damn move to be made.

Tension moves than expands out until it's no longer tight coils but butterflies with delicate wings in her stomach. That was a feeling she wouldn't tire of which is why she dove forward even if five does makes a patten. DOUBTS AND WORRIES ⸺ she's held human hearts in her hands and repaired them ⸺ she's chosen the difficult life that's going to leave her alone and unhappy in whites and blues patching crewmen up aboard ships for the rest of her decades.

YET RIGHT NOW SHE HAS BUTTERFLIES. A feeling she hopes to never tire of, and she works with her hands, and they go to grasp around his upper arms. One hand, maintained nails lightly digs in as He holds just for a moment, and Linda's impatient all of the sudden.

Holding anyone's heart in her hands was thrilling, terrifying, and any wrong move without the steadiest of hands she could screw up. She'd chose plenty of things over this, she had not been so innocent in her relationships; could screw up here. Human heart in hands, maybe its hers and his. Alone, unhappy, difficult. She'd love that life, it'd be a good life, the one she'd chose every time.

Linda smiles against his lips, ❝ Fancy yourself ⸻ hey, how'd you know I was here? ❞

[izzysarchivedblogs]

@darehearts -> you wanted so have a silly little thing well sorry i lied about the little

❝ I know there is a CONGRATULATIONS in order, Captain ⸺ ❞ Mmmm, don't need to be too formal, Carter. This is your Leonard's best friend you're talking to. ❝ ⸺ JIM, truly congratulations, and I'll do you a favor and SAVE YOU any grief because I am sure you hearing a lot of that. ❞ She was privy to the debate that was brought about, from both Leonard and Carol herself. Linda's going to spare adding her opinion on Jim's situation, but she thinks that she could relate after the topic of discussion that's ben ongoing for about a year now. One that the captain had to be privy to as well.

❝ I can guess at, ONLY GUESS that you are nervous; well, I am learning a thing or two about prospects of someone NEW coming into my life too ⸺ ❞ It's became her habit, she realizes when she had approached the Captain, to offer up an escape from their personal in the form of sharing her own stuff. Open the door and the window first, let them in instead of barging in; some theory like that. Let him think about something else, or find commonality between the two. It may help either of them.

❝ A baby for yours ⸻ ❞ Her way of giving permission to self-identify with her if he choses, and her way of showing understanding. ❝ Feelings of OH GOD this it is going to be real. Jojo wants to be up here with her dad, and Leonard's heavily considering it and won over. Jocelyn's coming around too, they are coming out to see us out here to talk in person; and then at the end of that ⸻ well, I am a PART OF this equation too, and I know Jojo likes me, and I LOVE that girl already. ❞ Linda's almost always there when Leonard gets the comm time with Jojo now.

❝ So I am at least with you in the overwhelming feelings IF YOU are having any, trying to figure out where it all fits, but hey, at least you have PLENTY OF TIME to figure that out. At least three or four MONTHS in fact, I have ⸻ when his family arrives on transport a few days after our shore leave starts. ❞ She's talked all about this with Leonard, but figures this was better or a different way for Jim to think and talk about his news; better than what everyone else was doing. That was Linda's heads up as well that Leonard would be coming around about that in time.