#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9

[chocolatecakecas]

Baby Blues

Silence and Sound: Season 13 Destiel Fic Part 10

Part 1     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7   Part 8    Part 9

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Dean had always associated the bunker with silence. The soft hum of the the ancient heating system, and the dull buzzing of the lights.

It was a far cry from the dingy motels with their paper thin walls and strings of seedy customers.

Or the years he spent practically living in the Impala with her ever rumbling engine, listening to the legos rattling in the vents, or kept awake by Sam's endless snores.

So he could appreciate the silence. He had always found it comforting, at least that's what he told himself.

But now, the bunker is bursting with noise.

Plates and cups clinking in the kitchen, cellphones ringing off the hook, the beeping of the oven timer, and the stream of constant conversation.

The sound of tiny feet pattering on the concrete, plastic wheels squeaking on the wooden floors, the clang of legos on the map table, and the distant sounds of Toy Story playing on the tv in the Dean Cav- living room.

Shrieks of laughter ring through the halls, both young and old. Happiness and love filling every corner.

But it's also filled with sounds of despair.

(read the rest under the cut)

Screaming matches in the kitchen, muffled arguments behind closed doors, desperate pleading in the garage after returning from a hunt gone bad.

Wails of pain from a scraped knee, the clang of legos as they are angrily shoved off the map table and sent scattering across the floor, the distant sound of a temper tantrum in the living room.

Broken shouts and muffled sobs ring through the dark halls during the early hours of the morning. Both young and old. Yet, love still fills every corner, but often it only fuels the sorrow, strengthening the blow.

But today, it's filled with laughter.

Cas, pretending to chase Jack, who's giggling like a maniac, up and down the halls. His little feet slapping against the floors, as Cas yells behind him (in his signature "silly voices" of course)

Sam and Eileen at the map table, laughing as she tells a story about her most recent hunt. She ran into Claire and Kaia due to a huge miscommunication on Sam's end (He's still getting the hang of the whole "Hunter HQ" thing), causing all three of them think they were hunting three different monsters. But it's alright because now the girls are coming for dinner later, (at Cas' invitation and Dean's insistence) since they drove all the way here for a hunt anyway. It wouldn't be a full family dinner, because his Mom and Bobby wouldn't be back from their hunt in Montana for at least another two days, but that just means they'd have to have another unplanned-planned "get together", so he definitely wasn't complaining.

And Dean stands in the kitchen stirring milk, cheese and Star Wars shaped macaroni in a pot, spoon clanking against the metal.

He listens to the sound of his little family, the people he cares about most in the world. He hears as the sounds of their lives fill up the halls, and finds it difficult to remember the silence.

He finds himself struggling to hear the soft hum of the heating system, or the dull buzz of the lights.

And he wonders if he misses it? Wonders if he misses the comfort of the silence? Wonders if it wa-

Something crashes into his legs, ripping Dean from his thoughts.

Jack giggles as he tries to hide himself from view behind Dean's legs. He shushes Dean with a serious look, showing that he means business.

So Dean looks down and throws him an exaggerated wink, zipping his lips for good measure, which sends him into another fit of giggles.

Dean gazes travels back up to see Cas hanging on the doorway, cheeks tinged pink, and a knowing smile on his lips. And Dean's heart definitely doesn't skip a beat.

"Hello Dean, you haven't happened to see our son anywhere, have you?" Cas asks dramatically, making his presence known.

Our son, that always makes Dean's heart soar.

"Hmm Jack? Why no, I can't say that I have! He definitely didn't come through the kitchen" Dean responds playing along.

Jack shuffles behind Dean's leg letting out a little giggle.

"Oh, so then you wouldn't mind moving away from the stove and walking over here to help me look for him?" Cas teases, stretching his arms out for emphasis. Dork.

With a grin, Dean goes to take an exaggerated step towards Cas, but Jack pulls on his leg.

"Daddy! You promised" Jack shouts in disbelief, hanging on Dean's legs.

"Sorry bud, but you were so quiet that I completely forgot you were there" Dean says with mock surprise.

Jack opens his mouth to retort, but Cas hums alerting him of his presence again. His eyes go wide, realizing he gave away his hiding spot, as Cas takes a big step forward.

And at that, Jack races from the room, with a shriek of laughter. Dean and Cas share a laugh watching him go.

God Jack is getting so big, 18 months. He's gonna be two this year, and Dean's heart clenches at the thought. Of course, being half angel he's developmentally "older" than two, but Dean doesn't like to think about that.

He turns towards Cas again, watching him fondly gazing at the now empty doorway.

And almost 10 months with Cas.

Cas' eyes finds their way back to Dean's, as they always do. So Dean stares back.

And it's this moment that Dean realizes just how human Cas has become, even with his grace intact. With his messy hair, his rumpled blue "dad" sweater and jeans, his mismatched socks, the soft smile on his face that crinkles around his eyes. And it hits him how far they've come.

It's been 18 months since that night wh-18 months since Jack came into his life. And a lot can happen in 18 months. You can fall ass backwards into raising a child, slow down a bit on hunting, start dating your best friend who’s been the secretly been in love with for years, who came back to life, and raise the child with him.

Something warm settles in his chest.

Dean refocuses on Cas, and notices a look he's never truly seen on him before. A look that says, "there's no place I'd rather be, than right here". Of course Cas has made it clear that this is what he wants, but he's never worn it so plainly on his face before.

It's contentment.

And it knocks the wind out of Dean's lungs.

It's been almost 10 months since Dean and Cas got their crap together.

And of course, it isn't easy. There's screaming matches, sleepless nights, petty fights, and more baggage between them than you would find in an airport.

But Dean wouldn't trade a second of it. And apparently, neither would Cas.

Because Cas is content. Here. With Dean.

Cas is actually happy here, with the little life they've created. This is where Cas wants to be, and this is where Dean wants Cas to be.

And in this moment Dean is rapidly realizing that it's all terrifyingly real.

And Dean's never felt this way in his life, about anyone or anything and he's, scared, but god it's the good kind of scared. And he-

He catches a slight dip in Cas' smile, which snaps him back to reality. His thoughts must have been clear on his face.

Shit that's not what he wan-

He quickly tries to convey the same look of contentment through his own features, giving Cas a smile. A real one.

And he must somewhat succeed because Cas' smile returns, but a question still lingers in his eyes.

So Cas parts his lips, most likely to ask Dean if something's wrong (Cas never lets him get away with anything), but Jack's laughter rings from the other room. So he huffs a laugh, and begins to cross the kitchen making his way to the other door.

But not before he places his hand on Dean's shoulder, and presses a soft kiss to his cheek.

Dean's heart swells. God that never gets old.

As he pulls back, he meets Dean's eyes again, leveling him with a look that Dean knows all too well. A slight smirk with a raised brow, that definitely doesn't make Dean's stomach flip.

It's his signature, "I know you Dean Winchester, which means we are definitely talking about whatever that look on your face was, later". And of course he always pretends to be annoyed that Cas can read him so well, but god if it doesn't make Dean's heart race a little every single time.

So Dean just gives a shit eating grin in return, and Cas' smile morphs into a smirk.

Then Cas is leaning forward, ready to capture his lips with his own, Dean happily following his lead.

But then, Cas pulls back at the last second.

And before Dean can even open his mouth, Cas gives a tight squeeze to his ass, and then he's bounding away through the door.

He hangs on the door frame for a moment, giving Dean a wink, and then he's gone, laugh ringing down the hall. Friggin tease.

"What a little shit", Dean laughs to himself, rolling his eyes fondly.

As he turns back to the pot on the stove, he hears Cas exaggeratedly wonder where Jack has gone, followed by the sound of Sam and Eileen joining in on the fun.

When he grabs five bowls from the cabinet, he makes sure to listen to the laughter echoing through the halls.

And Dean begins to wonder again.

Maybe he didn't find the silence of the bunker comforting, maybe he nev-

The laughter swells in the other room, feet stomping on the wooden floors. The love of his life, his son, his brother, his new best friend and hopefully one day sister-in-law. His family. Laughing together without a care in the world, on this lazy Sunday afternoon.

And well, Dean can't say he misses the silence much at all. In fact, he's actually quite content with the noise.

I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who read, liked/reblogged, or left lovely comments on this story! I have not written in years, this fic happened by complete accident, and I never could have imagined the love it got! (I do love this little "universe" so maybe look out for some more baby jack in the future)💓 AND a very special thanks to @wormstacheangel and @smiledean who listened to me complain and yell about this fic every week💓💓💓💓

Tag list:

(As always,please let me know if you would like to added or removed!!💛)

@wormstacheangel @smiledean @shelikestv @chaoticdean @midnightwings-deancas @jellydeans @sunshine-jack @archervale @wikiangela @organicpurplepants

@writtendevastation @tkdwolf2012 @doemons-blog @rolling-stoned-girl @skylerkernaghan @shadowywerewolfqueen @the-cookie-navy @thelahatiel @thefantasyfiend @castielle-deanna @aestheticflyer26

@multi-fandom-imagine @x-mypeopleskillsarerusty-x @wellofwoes @becky-srs @multi-fandom-dark-lord @perfectkoaladream @castiel-for-lunch @it--hurts--to--become @bowtiesandneckerchiefs @dakiaty @feraldean @teamfreebees @keshetcas @hrh-princess-bea @martymar1963 @winchester-novak

[myblueeyedbuggers]

My Boys

Chapter 13

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6   Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10  Chapter 11  Chapter 12 Chapter 14

Pairings: Steve Rogers X Reader (Best Friend) Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 2063

Warnings:  Swearing, bit of violence if you looking very closely 

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change.

Ey up my Loves, so we’re back and kicking ass! Quite literally in this Chapter, I’ve been going back over my previous chapters and I’m considering rewriting them to fit my new style. Let me know what you all think, do you prefer them as they are or would you want them to match my new style ? Anyways without further ado here's chapter 13, enjoy everyone! <3 

3rd person POV

Years have passed since that moment, time brought changes to the trio, what was once a childhood crush developed into a fierce love that neither of the pair wanted to acknowledge or admit in fear of loosing the other.

As you can imagine both Steve and Becca were ready to rip the heads off of their dumbass siblings.

6 years is a verrrry long time to put up with long looks of pining and repressed feelings, but unfortunately for the Brooklyn natives, y/n and bucky were about as stubborn as each other and refused to listen to the reasonable, sometimes frustrated, rants of their best friends. So much to the utter frustration of Steve and Becca, the two young lovebirds lived in a state of denial and attempted (the keyword being ATTEMPTED) to move on with their lives.

Naturally, someone as charming and handsome as James Barnes seemed to have a never-ending line of girls begging to be his, it had become a common occurrence for him to have a new girl on his arm each week, not that Steve or Y/n approved of his behaviour but hey Bucky can be a real big dumbass when he wants to be. Y/n did try to hide how much it bothered her, thankfully not only was Bucky a dumbass he was also completely unaware of her feelings and simply chalked it down to her being the unapproving sister, but to Steve it was a clear as day. He could see it in her face every time Bucky left to take the new girl dancing, or when she’d finish work early only to see Buck and his new girl on a romantic date in the Café opposite the dinner she worked at. The bright light behind her eyes always dimmed a little and she wouldn’t talk for hours, which for anyone that didn’t know her was enough to ring an ambulance and arrange a mental evaluation.

Now that’s not to say that Bucky was any better, the look of absolute utter rage that covered his face when another man called for Y/n was enough to make Steve and Becca completely loose it and simply laugh at his misery, neither of them felt bad because they’d been telling him for YEARS to man up and confess his feelings. Occasionally the pair did feel a slight twinge of guilt towards their brother, like the time the trio went to Y/n’s house to surprise her after work, only to see her kissing the cheek of a guy they’d never seen before, just like his other half Bucky did try to hide it, but the flash of pain that crossed his face was impossible to miss.

It’d gotten to the point where Steve wanted to lock em both in a closet til they finally admitted their feelings and put themselves out of their misery, though the fact that he had all the physical stats of a toothpick quickly nipped that idea in the bud.

Cut to today, for once it looked like it’d be a fairly normal day for everyone, boys were off doing god knows what, knowing those two it’d involve a punch up started by a small blonde idiot and finished by an even bigger idiot of a brunette. Though the same couldn’t be said about their girl, ever the more responsible one of them all Y/n had agreed to work overtime in the local dinner over on main street, meaning that she’d be the one closing the place down at 9pm.

Y/n didn’t even wanna think about what her two idiots would get up without proper adult supervision, though over the years she’d learned to expect that it would more than likely be something illegal.

Thankfully, it wasn’t something she had to worry about for the next couple of hours, though 9 times out of ten she’d be the one cleaning up the cuts and bruises only for them to come back the next day fresh wounds. As much as it did on occasion piss her off to no ends, Y/n wouldn’t want it any other way, they were and always will be her boys.

Y/N’s POV

Well, that was an absolute shit show of a day.

I mean you’d of thought that I was common knowledge not to put ya hands up a waitresses skirt, but nay some men didn’t seem to have got that memo, ever the public servant I made it my job to enlighten then with a hot cup of coffee to the crotch. How I’ve not received employee of the month is beyond me, what’s not to love ? I’m a fucking delight!

Thank god it’s home time, if I’da stayed in that place any longer something would of happened, knowing my crazy ass it’d of been something violent but in my defence….okay I don’t have a defence, but men can seriously suck ass when they wanna. All I wanna do is have a peaceful walk home, ignore the homeless guys that like to gawp at my ass and run a big old bubble bath whilst relaxing with a decent book.

Naturally, that didn’t happen.

Now, If ya spend as much time around a bunch of over aggressive monkeys that love jumping into fights as much as I do, you’ll probably get real good at recognising the sounds of a fight. And I’ve got a pretty good idea who the two dipshits are that started this pissing contest.

The sounds of shoes scuffling across the pavement were pretty much impossible to miss now, that along with the grunts and groans of a bunch of guys smacking the absolute shit outta each other tipped me off to what was happening around the corner. Everything in me screamed to carry on my merry way and let these morons sort out whatever beef they had in peace and believe me I was so close to ignoring it and walking past em, but it’s kinda hard to do that when ya hear ya best mate scream “come at me motherfuckers!”.

I couldn’t help the frustrated sigh that came outta my mouth but come on guys! This is the 5th one this week!

Very reluctantly I doubled back and went to help my idiotic boys out of whatever trouble they managed to get em selves into, and boy I’m glad that I did cause they were losing. Badly. It would seem that Steve’s request was met for them to “come at” him, cause one of em had him by the arms and was pummelling the life out of his small body, and Bucky wasn’t having any better luck either. Buck was in the same situation, but he had the pleasure of two guys restraining his arms whilst another two took turns in kicking him in the stomach, I mean I was already pissed off at what was happening to Steve but now,  I’m beyond pissed and IF I’d of taken the time to calm down for a few seconds I’da thought of a better plan than this.

“Man…I really liked these shoes”.

In my defence, I didn’t mean to throw them as hard as I did, I was hoping to distract them for a couple of seconds so I could get the jump on the guy beating the crap outta Steve, instead I hit him square in the back his head and knocked him the fuck out. Any other time I’da been wetting myself laughing, but instead it seemed like time slowed down as the assholes holding Steve up froze and made eye contact with me, even the guys on Bucky stopped to see what had happened, all four of em had a look of complete and utter disbelief when they finally saw me. Not that I really cared, all I wanted was for em to get the fuck off of my boys.

Nobody seemed to wanna say anything for the next couple of seconds, the assholes beating up Bucky and Steve were still trying to wrap their heads around what just happened, and my idiots were looking back and forth between the guy on the floor and me, not even taking the time to try escape their holds. How the hell they manage to survive all these years without me is beyond my understanding.

“Sup my dudes, my names Y/n and I’ll be kicking ya ass today”.

I think it’s safe to say that I snapped everyone out of their shocked states, cause the guys holding both Steve and Bucky dropped their asses to the ground and instead focus on me, which is pretty fair considering I did just knock their mate out with a 2-inch healed shoe.

“Do ya know what we do to girls that don’t know their place round here? Cause ya about to find out girly” why is it always the ugliest motherfuckers that try to act tough, I mean look at this guy! he’s got more stains on his shirt than he does teeth, and about as much hair as a furless cat, I’ve been more intimidated by a group of 12-year-old girls in the dinner than I have him!...teenagers are fucking scary don’t judge me.

Right back to this absolute shitshow of a ‘fight’.

Mr ‘I’m only 30 years old and I already need dentures’ swung his arm out towards me in a pathetic attempt at a punch, which massively backfired on him cause I threw that dumbass over my shoulder and ‘accidently’ knocked his last 4 teeth out.  That left me with the rest of the hounds, two of em were rushing at me the second I let go of their newly toothless friend, the one on my right missed me completely and fell over a fence, dumbass. The dude on my left though, well he didn’t miss I’ll put it that way, he fully rugby tackled me into the car behind me, knocking the wind outta me and leaving me dazed for a few seconds.

But just like the first guy, his ‘punches’ were about effective as a marshmallow. Pretty embarrassing for him really, I mean you hate to see it.

“Okay no, give me your hand I’m gonna teach you how to punch cause this is just embarrassing for you dude, first don’t put your thumb at the bottom cause ya gonna break it, second don’t just throw ya arm forward and hope it hurts, use your body weight cause ya got a lot of it and throw it into the punch.”

At that point I’d pushed him off me and the car, his form was absolutely terrible so I went ahead and corrected it for him, found out his name was Eric, which was pretty interesting, gave him a few practise shots and then let him hit me for real, and I must be a fucking amazing teacher cause that one hurt!

“Really Doll?”

Let me tell you, I’d never seen Bucky so unimpressed in my life, his face was completely deadpanned with only his eyebrows raised, Steve wasn’t too impressed either, his infamous mum glare was in full force as I sheepishly backed away from my new best friend.

“In my defence, you left me unsupervised, and Eric’s form was absolutely atrocious, wasn’t it Eric my lad ?”

“….She’s a pretty good teacher to be fair”.

“See? I’m a good teacher! Suck it Barnes!”

Bucky Knocked Eric the fuck out in response. I think you can all understand how heartbroken I was.

“What the hell Barnes?! If it weren’t for me you and Steve would be dead!” I’m pretty sure I looked as insane as I was acting, Steve was full on laughing his ass off behind Buck, I mean if I weren’t so annoyed by them both right now I’d be on the floor with him just dying of laughter. But nay, I had a bone to pick with the both of them, which I think they both realised considering they both went pale before turning around and bucking it to my house. What you need to remember is that these are fully gown men, running around a Brooklyn neighbourhood screaming bloody murder, with a much smaller y/h/c lass running right behind them brandishing a pair of heels, fully intending to murder them both.

How we’ve gone all these years without being arrested or locked in a mental asylum astounds me.

So hopefully you all enjoyed this, let me know what you all think, we’ve got about 2 more chapters left of my boys then we move onto Captain America the First Avenger!! 

lots of love

Rose xx

[fearquestion]

top ten baddest bitches in hunter x hunter’s succession contest arc

I hope you’re ready for six+ pages of meta

cw: suicide mention, spreadsheets, spoilers up to Chapter 390

NO. 10 : SHIMANO

If you don’t remember Shimano, she is Oito’s last surviving maid, and the one who straight up ignored Kurapika when he told her to answer Benjamin’s call first. 

To not do what Kurapika tells you to do, especially when he’s like this takes an insane amount of guts. You have to remember that she just watched two people die, one of whom was her co-worker. Her head is so level you could build a house on it. 

She had a better strategy, she was not afraid to go through with it, she didn’t bother wasting precious time to explain herself beforehand, and she was not afraid to let him know that he was incorrect. 

She’s bad as hell!!!!!!

Shimano: lmao like hell 

What makes her interesting is that her main motivation during this succession contest is to get out alive. While she later explains to Oito that she is staying out of duty for the royal family, I suspect that she isn’t exactly attached to the young queen, which is entirely reasonable given the situation that she’s in. I mean, she’s here to do a job. 

Shimano did not know what she was signing up for, but she has not fumbled the ball once since getting on this murder cruise; something that has earned her Kurapika’s respect. I hope that cements her role as a larger player during this arc, and I really hope Togashi gives her more time to shine.

Fun Fact: she’s called Shimanu ONLY in Volume 36 of the Viz Translation. 

Survival Rating: 4/5, she might pull a Bizeff and get out by the skin of her teeth, and there’s no one actively trying to kill her. 

NO 09: MELODY

Oh sweet, sweet Melody, how I love you so. We haven’t seen too much action from her, but the reason she has placed on this list is her performance during the second banquet. 

In order to give Kacho and Fugetsu a chance to escape, she pulled a Hisoka and revealed her ability to literally anyone who would listen, placing herself in serious danger 

Little does she know how much trouble this is going to get her into, especially now that Tserriednich is interested, and it’s safe to say she won’t get back to bodyguard business anytime soon. Please, please keep yourself safe, Melody. 

Survival Rating: 5/5 bc I just can’t accept even the thought of a reality where Melody isn’t alive

NO. 08: QUEEN OITO HUI GUO ROU

Listen, we’ve all entertained the fantasy of going from sugar baby to trophy wife, but few of us are unlucky enough to turn that dream into a reality. I bet you she was living her Hot Girl Summer until all of this happened, and honestly, good for her. 

But by GOD was she ready to give it up to face the Succession Contest head on. She switched it up on us at the start by specifically targeting people who wanted to kill or control Prince Halkenburg, the current favorite to win. There was no hoping or wishing that things were different, she did the only thing that she could do in her situation: stack the odds in her favor as much as she possibly could. And I’m not gonna lie, she really lucked out. Kurapika is someone you want on your side if you’re trying not to die. 

My favorite thing about Oito is how well she handles the pressure of her situation; she just picks it up and runs. Who can afford to feel pride when your daughter’s life is on the line? Need a cockroach? Start screaming! You’re the Queen and this is your house. You get what you want, Oito. 

As someone on the bottom of the ladder, there simply is no time to entertain fantasies of grandeur. Oito never tries to check out of reality, like so many of the other Queens have done. She is not here to play around, she is here to play the game.  

Unfortunately, her convictions lie in the fact that she thinks she and Woble can get off the boat alive, a theory disproven by Kacho and Fugetsu’s ill fated attempt in Chapter 383. Given the change of circumstances, how far will she let herself go to survive, and what will she have to give up? 

If we’re being honest, the only way I can see this playing out well for her is if there’s a fire, or an iceberg, or i don’t know, a riot caused by a murder cult that somehow forces everyone on tier one to evacuate, and she just happens to be the last on to get a life boat, but I highly doubt that things are going to be that convenient for her. 

Survival Rating: 2/5

NO. 07: KACHO AND FUGETSU HUI GUO ROU

These girls are willing to do anything, ANYTHING to get themselves off of this ship, including but not limited to, learning morse code, going into unknown territory unguarded, and risking their own lives in order to protect the other. And they’re like what, 14? 15? 

Kacho said FUCK boomers

They worked, they planned, they gathered allies, and experimented, and they would have succeeded were it not for the curse that put their lives in danger in the first place. 

It was so hard not to root for them. When we learned the truth about Kacho’s ability, I literally screamed. This is Gift of the Magi on steroids, and watching this animated, if it ever does get animated is going to be a tough ride for me, and I will start crying again.

These sisters have a heartbreaking devotion to each other’s safety, and I’m terrified to find out how Fugetsu will react once she learns the truth about her sister’s sacrifice. Will it break her? Will it make her stronger? My money is on the latter for now, but the way this arc is going, who the hell knows? 

The beginning of her arc and even the passive nature of her symbiotic nen beast frames her as a co-dependent character. While Kacho 2.0 is still, technically, an active player in the form of a nen-beast, she is a nen-beast, something that I suspect will be picked up by either a bodyguard or someone from the Hunter’s association if Kacho’s original body is never recovered. Someone will have to break the news to Fugetsu eventually, setting her character up for some fantastic trajectory. She will either have to lean into her budding independence, or rely on Kacho for what might be the rest of her short life. 

They have a lot to reconcile with once when we see them again. They’re in baby jail, Their most loyal bodyguard is dead, and Melody is temporarily out of the picture thanks to her stunt at the banquet. With mostly enemy bodyguards left in their employment, she has a lot of growing up to do. I hope this doesn’t make her an easy target. We’re rooting for you Fugetsu!!

Survival Rating: 3/5

NO 06: BISCUIT KRUEGER

I am so fucking glad that Biscuit Krueger is on this boat, I love her, she’s unstoppable, I don’t need to explain why she’s on this list. My only wish is that we get to see her beat the shit out of someone who really deserves it. Could she take on Benjamin? Probably. I hope she does. She’s got like twenty years on him. 

Survival Rating: 5/5 because I just don’t think she’s capable of dying

NO 05: MACHI KOMACINE

Oh she’s on a mission, and honestly fuck Chrollo and Illumi because I would pay to see her rip that clown apart. Look at this face? How can you not get chills. I love this for her. 

Revenge won’t fill the hole in your heart where Kortopi and Shalnark used to live, and honestly I don’t know if you can survive a second tussle with Hisoka, but you Go Get Him Queen. 

Survival Rating: 1/5 Togashi said she ain’t gettin off the boat, and I’m inclined to believe him on this one. She’s had a good run. I just hope she pulls some wicked sick shit before she goes. 

NO 04: MORENA PRUDE

Edgy, Nihilist, Boss Babe, Patient Zero, Bisexual Icon, Murder Messiah, the Joker wishes that he was Morena Prude so fucking bad. She is so more committed to burning this world to the ground. If you thought we needed more women in positions of leadership, here she is. She’s like the Herbalife of homicide. Let’s take a look at the math. 

Assuming most people aren’t nen users and the Hunter x Hunter world population is about the same as ours, 7 billion, she runs out of people to kill/infect by round 13, making this a great way of causing the mass extinction of the human race, and a fantastic way to run a multi-level marketing scheme. 

She looks like she’s handling being a boss pretty well, and her 22 picks for Contagion seem to be pretty good choices. They’re legit, they know what they’re doing, they’re loyal, and they’re really excited to straight up go Purge Night on this yacht.

While it’s safe to assume that Morena has already killed between 9 to 45 people, the only reason she’s not higher on this list is because we haven’t seen her do much except set off this gigantic domino chain of problems. Her influence on the arc looks like it’s going to be more passive, but she’s definitely here to make a splash. Her nihilism, and her connections to Tserriednich have me thinking that she might to be a crucial late-game player when things go completely fucking awol. 

Ahaha, everyone in that boat is in terrible danger. 

Survival Rating: 1/5 because bad girls live fast, die young 

NO 03: SARAHELL

We do not know a lot about Sarahell, but her name has Hell in it and she’s willing to perform suicide in order to kill an infant and if that doesn’t make you Bad than I don’t know what the hell does. 

Out of all the women on this list, she’s the only one that really scares me. Not only is she willing to risk her life, she wants to die for Camilla in the most efficient way possible. Woble is in her crosshairs, and if she’s as good as acting like a two-faced bitch as she says she is, we’re not in for a good time. I doubt that Kurapika would let her anywhere near the Prince, but I don’t know. They might fake an alliance, something that the Oito and Kurapika have been very open about. I can see her offering up information on Tserriednich in an attempt to wedge her way in. She might even help them out a bunch before she goes in for the kill. 

yall are simping for the wrong woman i s2g 

This is a legitimate assassination attempt, and one that’s a lot more sophisticated than Vincent’s. They’re in for a fight over in room 1014. 

2/5 it would be interesting if she somehow managed to survive and had to live with the guilt of failure. Sarahell that she is prepared for that possibility, but I don’t think she knows how badly things can go for her yet. 

NO 02: CAMILLA HUI GUO ROU

Camilla, Camilla, Camilla literally what part of you is not bad to the bone. 

I think she might have as many costume changes as Killua? 

We are first properly introduced to Camilla when she asks her dear old dad if he could, quote, “not accept dropouts that are not biological death,” meaning that she fully intends for every single one of her brother and sisters to die, and she doesn’t give a fuck who knows.

The next time we meet her, she’s instructing her mother to buy a bunch of designer clothes, and in the SAME BREATH she goes “Oh yeah, you need to kill your son for me, okay? Thanks.” 

And you have really got to feel for Duazul here. Like. She’s got four kids and the most to lose in this game. She’s doing her best to keep it together.

Anyways, back to Camilla: uh, her nen ability? Are you kidding me? Who taught her nen? Who told her she could do that? Was the first thing that popped into her head “giant cat-shaped nen curse that activates when I’m murdered?” What kind of things do you have to do to form this kind of ability?

And don’t even get me started on her fascist suicide death cult. She’s taken advantage of people from the lowest caste of society and turned their gratitude into fanaticism. You cannot buy this kind of loyalty, especially when you expect your personal guard to do this. Which is insane, considering I don’t think she’s planning on abolishing the caste system any time soon. 

Where Benjamin takes a more traditional approach to this war, aka strongarm the competition until they forfeit, Camilla has taken the most extreme measures to ensure that she wins. She does not expect anyone to survive, including herself, and has based her entire plan around that. If Benjamin is a lion, then Camilla is a steam roller. 

As someone who has had it her way her entire life, she’s convinced herself that there is no possibility that she can fail, a trait that makes her nen ability so powerful. However, this determination is quickly turning into tunnel vision, and when people don’t play into her games, she doesn’t leave herself with a way out. 

Which leaves us with a very interesting problem: if she dies on the black whale in a way that she cannot be resuscitated, what is her personal guard going to do? It’s hard to believe that they won’t want anything but total retribution, especially when they have nothing else to lose. 

Bar Tserriednich, and maybe Halkenburg, I truly believe that she’s one of the most dangerous players on the Level One. 

1/5 she’s got mad azula vibes there’s absolutely no way she’s not going down

NO 01: THETA

Theta is the baddest bitch on the boat, and that’s a hill that I’m willing to die on.  

Who else has the resolve, the guts, the conviction to take this crazy motherfucker out for the greater good? Even after getting caught red handed, she’s still making moves to make sure that Tserriednich gets his ass assassinated. Period

post-attempt 

When she finds out what an insane risk his nen poses does she get scared? Does she try to run? Does she try to bargain with the situation? No! She puts her big girl pants on and understands what she has to do. Shoot him in the head point blank because he’s nasty.

Note: in the Viz Translation she thinks, “I have to do this. I’m the only one who can...!!”

What puts her at the number one spot is her willingness to accept the consequences of her actions. Unlike Sarahell, there is literally nothing in this for her. The fact that she alone put herself up for this sacrifice speaks miles about her character, and since nen and personality work hand in hand, I’m really looking forward to seeing her Hatsu. I bet it’s sick as hell.

Considering that Tserriednich is the big bad of Succession Arc, it’s safe to assume that Theta is going to take an important supporting role in his downfall. Listen, I am counting my blessings and praying every day that her and Kurapika find common ground and team up in the next batch of chapters. These two have too much in common not to do so, and I can’t wait to see what she does next. 

There is a lot to expect from what is one of my favorite characters in Succession Arc. She relies on herself, has her head on straight, and is willing to clock any bitch that needs dealt with.

You may not agree with me, and that’s fine, but on a list full of baddies, I dub her the baddest.

Survival Rating: Theta, I hope you live to see the end, but I’m going to give you a 2/5 on the survival scale because you are on thin ice, sister. Good luck and Godspeed.

Runner Ups: Lynch, Shizuku, and all the ladies from The Second Prince’s Personal Guard and the Hei-Ly Mafia Family. Would have loved to put Cheadle on this list but she keeps getting clowned by Pariston

Thanks for making it to the end! I just caught up last week and I have brain worms now haha please let me know if you’re posting hxh meta too!! I feel like we’re finally getting to the end of the first act, and the anticipation is KILLING me. 

[shananigans402]

1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt 

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!​

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady. 

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated? 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations. 

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer. 

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans. 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.

[stardust-walker]

High Hopes: Chapter 20

Previous Chapters:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 

word count: 5315

_______________________________________________

Lori’s safe return to camp might have been the first good thing to happen in what felt like days. Dove hurried over with the others as her friend emerged from the car. “Where’s Rick,” Lori questioned. Dove’s harsh gaze fell to Shane as he spoke.

“I had to get you back here,” he stated as if it were that simple.

Julian’s jaw dropped as he stared at the deputy. “Probably better ways to get someone to follow you than to lie and tell them someone’s safe when they’re not?” He winced as Maggie punched him in the side.

“You asshole,” Lori growled as she stomped past him. “He’s my husband,” Dove’s eyes widened as Lori punched Shane in the chest. The brunette stepped forward and pulled her back along with Andrea.

“I will go after him! I’ll find him.” Shane spoke again, “Now first things first, I gotta…I gotta look after you.” Dove scoffed before Shane continued, “I gotta make sure the baby’s alright.” 

The silence and shock throughout the group was palpable. Then Carl stepped forward, the poor boy didn’t seem to understand as he looked almost excited. “You’re having a baby,” he questioned his mother. Lori glanced sideways for a moment. Dove punched the bridge of her nose in frustration as Carl continued. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Come on,” Dale broke the silence, “Let’s make sure you’re alright.” As Lori followed Andrea towards the house, Dove took a step forward.

“You’re a real fucking piece of work,” she hissed at Shane before she turned on her heel and followed the other women up to the house.

Julian turned his head and watched the others leave before he turned back to Shane, “So are you really gonna go look for Rick or were you lying to her about that too?” Maggie shot him another warning look. “What? Are we all supposed to just sit around and listen to this and not question it?”

Shane stood up straighter and ran a hand over his head, “Why don’t you just mind your business about my people?” 

Julian glared at Shane, “Why didn’t you just mind your business about ours?”

Maggie took a quick step between them as Shane began to step forward. “Julian, go back to the house and just shut up. Both of you! Rick and Glenn will be back soon. They have to be.”

~

Dove sunk to the floor across from the couch and ran her hand across the hardwood floor as Lori tried to find the best way to explain things to her son. Carl peeked around his mother at the older man. Dale shook his head, “Don’t look at me. That’s your father’s job.”

The little boy turned his head slowly and glanced at Dove. The young woman let out a quiet snort of laughter before she raised a hand in the area. “Don’t look at me, either. I never worked with kids. Your daddy’ll be back soon anyway. I’m sure he’ll love to have that chat with you,” Dove finished with a little smirk. 

“If the baby’s a girl, can we name her Sophia?” It felt like a knife to the gut, though it was obvious that Carl hadn’t meant it that way. Lori avoided the younger woman’s gaze as Dove stared back down at her hands.

“I’m sorry, bud, I thought you knew,” Shane mumbled from the doorway.

“Big brother Carl,” the little boy grinned as he flicked the brim of his hat. “Pretty cool, huh?”

“I say that’s very cool,” Shane agreed.

 Dove looked up and spotted Lori trying her best to avoid any interaction with Shane. She pursed her lips as she tried to think back to the quarry. Things had definitely not been this weird between the two of them when they were there. Sophia had asked Carl if Shane was his dad and had to explain to Dove that he was not, in fact, the young boy’s father. Dove felt a sinking feeling in her chest, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of thoughts of Sophia or her realization of the true predicament that Lori Grimes had found herself in.

“How about a little later after she’s had some rest,” Andrea frowned. Dove shifted her gaze from Lori to the blonde woman and back to the doorway. 

“Lori, I had to get you back here. You wouldn’t have come otherwise,” Shane reasoned. It was a pretty shitty reason. “How about you just hear me out, please?”

Lori looked torn, but she finally nodded her head. “Give me a minute, bud? Go with Dove.” Dove nodded as she pulled herself to her feet and put an arm around the little boy.

Dove tried to smile as she flicked the brim of the sheriff’s hat Carl wore, “Let’s give your mama a few minutes, little man.”

Carl waited until they were out on the porch before he spoke up. “Is everything alright with my mom?”

Hazel eyes flickered to Dale before she turned back to Carl and spoke. “I’m sure your mom is just fine. She’s probably just…worried about everything with your dad being missing and all that. Especially after today, she’s probably just wanting him to come back,” she smiled faintly.

Carl nodded his head slowly, his head turned back to the house. “I hope that’s right.”

Dale didn’t look very comfortable with leaving Lori alone in the house with Shane. Dove couldn’t help but agree with him on that, though neither of them had to say anything about it. 

~

Julian was worried. They weren’t back yet. Beth wasn’t getting any better and Hershel was still out there. His nerves were shot, but he couldn’t afford to show weakness. Not right now anyway. So, he sat on the opposite side of the bed from Maggie, held Beth’s hand, and stared at her. He felt like any minute now, she would pop up and be the same bright and bubbly kid. Deep down he knew that even when she did snap out of it, she wouldn’t be like that for a long time.

“You just need to be strong for her,” he heard Andrea say from where she had sat next to him. 

“I was just reminding her about…never mind,” Maggie shook her head. Andrea encouraged her to continue. “My dad would die if he heard this. My first summer back from college, I drove home, dumped my stuff off, went straight out to the stable for a ride.” Julian chuckled quietly. He knew this story. “My family comes back from church and Beth grabs my things and start unpacking my stuff upstairs. It was sweet until this one here,” Maggie patted Beth’s hand, “starts rifling through my backpack. She finds this little plastic container with these pink and green candies inside. She didn’t even know I was on the pill. She was so freaked out by the idea of me, boys, and sex she runs outside and chucks them in the duck pond. And I ride up, I see this, I’m screaming. She’s crying and Shawn runs outside, thinks one of us is drowning. The jerk busts out laughing as soon as he finds out. My dad comes out asking what’s going on, and Beth turns around and bats her eyelashes and just tells him we were swimming.”

Julian snorted, “Then this one,” he nodded at Maggie. “Decided it was a good idea to call my sister and start freaking out when she finally gets inside. Maggie was a hellion, but Beth knows how to raise a different type of hell,” he joked. The smile slowly formed on his face as he squeezed Beth’s hand again.

“Glenn and Rick will bring your dad back,” Andrea tried to assure Maggie. 

“Glenn’s a good guy,” Maggie sniffled. 

Shane seemed to be trying to stay true to his word as he began to load up the car to head out and look for Rick. Dove leaned back against the RV, cigarette burning down in her hand as she watched Daryl examine his rifle. She’d woken up that morning feeling just a little bit ashamed of how she’d lashed out at him, but she didn’t exactly know how to have that talk. Part of her still thought he deserved it. 

“He doesn’t want Rick back,” Dove heard Dale tell Andrea. “Or Hershel. With those two gone, he’s got everything he wants and no one to tell him otherwise,” the old man shook his head. Dove found herself drifting closer to the conversation; Dale was getting pretty ballsy talking about something like that with Shane in earshot. 

“Shane has done more to keep this group alive than anybody, including Rick,” Andrea narrowed her eyes at Dale.

“Now I know you didn’t just say that,” Dove spoke up as the attention of the two turned to her. “You have been spewing some real bullshit over the last few weeks, but I have to say, that has to be the worst thing I’ve heard.” She shook her head.

“You think Rick’s done more,” Andrea questioned as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

“I know he has. He bargained with the group at the nursing home to get Glenn back. He went back to try and save Merle and so we could get the guns. I mean in case you haven’t noticed, without that bag of guns, our chances of being alive right now would be pretty slim,” Dove counted off on her fingers. “Rick has tried his best to keep us all safe! The only person Shane has tried to keep safe is himself and maybe Lori and Carl. The rest of us are just along for the ride,” Dove scowled at the blonde woman.

“I mean, I have to agree. There’s no way you can possibly believe that Andrea.” The disappointment in Dale’s voice was obvious. 

“I do,” Andrea stated. 

Dove stepped up beside Dale as Andrea moved towards the car. “What a dumbass,” she grumbled as she finally tossed her cigarette to the ground. The sound of a vehicle approaching broke through the silence.

They were back. Dove jogged up towards the house with everyone else. A small smile was on her face as she watched Carl run up to hug his father. 

“Who the hell is that,” T-Dog spoke up and Dove narrowed her eyes as she moved closer to Carol. 

“That’s Randall,” Glenn spoke up.

“Holy shit,” Julian muttered as he turned and headed back into the house.

~

Dove didn’t like the fact that they were in there trying to decide what to do about someone’s life. Rick had the right idea, she thought to, to let the boy go once he was healed. Andrea was on a real winning streak that day. “Isn’t that the same as leaving him for the walkers,” the blonde inquired.

Dove placed a hand over her mouth as she leaned back in her chair. Her attention shifted from the blonde to the door as Daryl entered. His eyes scanned the room until they landed on what she could only assume was herself and Carol. A new sense of shame rolled over her as, instead of the scowl she’d been expecting, he nodded his head at them with a small forced smile. Dove’s hazel eyes glanced towards Carol as the older woman shrugged her shoulders. Dove tried her best to keep her eyes forward, but she could feel her heart beat faster as the man walked across the room and stood across from them.

“He knows where we are,” Shane said.

“He was blindfolded the whole way here, he’s not a threat,” Rick explained.

“You killed three of their men, you took one hostage,” Shane began to ramble. “But they just ain’t gonna come looking?”

Dove frowned as she lowered her hand, “You would rather them have left the poor kid out in the middle of the night with a fence through his leg to get eaten alive?” 

Rick ran a hand through his hair, “They left him for dead. Like Dove said, they saw him with the fence through him and they left him there to die. No one is looking.”

T-Dog spoke up, “we should still post a guard.”

Hershel shrugged his shoulders, “He’s out cold right now, will be for hours.”

“You know what? I’m gonna go get him some flowers and candy,” Shane exclaimed sarcastically.

Julian ground his teeth as he spoke up from beside Hershel, “Were you always this much of an asshole or is this just an end-of-the-world bullshit because I’m getting really tired of it man.”

“Julian…” Patricia warned. 

“Sorry, Pat. Sorry, I know no cursing in the house, but someone had to say it! Randall is not a threat,” he shook his head. “Randall is a little punk but he’s what? 120 soaking wet. Carl could probably kick his a…. butt if he wanted to.”

Shane scoffed and shook his head. “Look at this folks, we’re back in Fantasyland.”

“You know, we haven’t even dealt with what you did at my barn yet,” Hershel turned quickly as Shane began to exit the room. Julian’s dark eyes widened in shock. He expected it from Maggie, maybe. Not Hershel. “Let me make this perfectly clear, once and for all. This is my farm. Now I wanted you gone. Rick talked me out of it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. So, do us both a favor? Keep your mouth shut.” 

Julian looked down at his shoes as he tried to keep a shocked laugh from coming out of his mouth. As everyone began to file out, he looked up and put a hand on Hershel’s shoulder. “Wait until Beth hears about what you just did, man.” Julian smiled as he patted Hershel’s shoulder excitedly. “She’s gonna be so mad she missed it.” Dove rose from her chair as the two men exited the room and entered the hallway. 

The brunette watched as Carol tried to approach Daryl, who had somehow made it to the door, only for him to push his way outside without allowing her to say anything. Dove closed the distance between herself and her sister quickly as they left the house. “I think he just needs some space,” Dove whispered to Carol.

“Maybe,” Carol hesitated as she watched Daryl trek back towards his lonely little campsite. “Maybe you shouldn’t have gone and yelled at him last night either.” She frowned and Dove sighed.

Dove nervously rubbed her forearm as she leaned against the porch railing. “You think I don’t know that? I was just…I was angry. I’ll find a way to make it up to you…and maybe him too. As long as he deserves it.” She looked down at the porch.

Carol let out a heavy sigh and took a few steps forward to kiss her younger sister on the top of her head. “That’s all I can ask…”

~

The next week felt like the longest week of her life. There had been a few times when she had gone up to try and talk with Daryl, but it always seemed like the universe was telling her that now wasn’t the time. The first time she’d tried to do it, Maggie had asked her for help with collecting eggs. Dove had given the other woman a confused look but had helped her anyway. It was perfectly clear to anyone with eyes that Maggie was important to Glenn and Glenn was her best friend. A few other times, Daryl had been pulled aside by other men in the group to watch Randall or do other things that Dove didn’t care to hear about.

About 3 days into it, Dove had all but thrown herself backwards onto her sleeping bag in frustration. “What’s wrong now,” Carol asked, but didn’t look up from her sewing. Carol had taken to fixing up winter coats that they’d salvaged from the highway since it was starting to get colder out.

Dove ran a hand through her dark hair and closed her eyes. “My mom always used to say that the universe will give you signs when things are meant to happen. You think that me getting interrupted every time I try to apologize to that jerk means that he deserved it?” She opened one eye to look at her sister as a smirk crept onto her face. 

Carol rolled her eyes. “Your mom was a smart lady and she believed what she believed so I won’t tell you she was wrong. If you want to go off that though, maybe the time just isn’t right. Maybe it’s like you said. You just need to give him time,” the older woman looked up and flashed her sister a comforting smile. 

Dove had taken to doing something she felt like she could control and help with. Beth. It would be a little different if the young woman were willing to talk, but Dove understood. The brunette entered the kitchen as Lori walked out with a tray of food for the teenager. “Oh vegetables,” Dove chirped as she reached over the saltshaker and picked up a piece of cucumber. She took a bite out of it as she leaned back against the counter. “Something wrong, Maggie?”

The younger woman shrugged her shoulders as she drummed her fingers on the counter. “Just everything with Glenn. It’s kind of got me all worried, you know? What if I messed things up?”

Dove sighed and popped the rest of the piece into her mouth. After a few moments, she spoke. “Guys are weird. They’ll do nice shit for you one day and tell you to basically go fuck yourself the next.”

“Speaking from experience,” Maggie quirked an eyebrow.

Dove rolled her hazel eyes and swatted playfully at the woman. “I’m 28 years old. If I hadn’t experienced that yet, I might be worried.” Nice avoiding the question. “My point is that Glenn didn’t do anything like that to you. What I think happened is that maybe Glenn never felt like that about someone before and it spooked him. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think Glenn’s crazy about you. He’ll come around.”

Maggie looked down at the counter and nodded. “You think so?” Dove nodded. “Thanks…”

“Absolutely. Would you like to schedule another appointment? Knowing all of these assholes, I’ll be booked until the actual end of the world,” Dove snorted as she reached for another piece of cucumber. Maggie let out a light chuckle. It was nice to have friends.

~

Julian was caught off guard as Lori came out of Beth’s room white as a ghost. “Hey what’s wrong,” he questioned the woman as she passed. 

Lori didn’t stop but turned slightly and pointed back to Beth’s room. “You stay with her. I’m gonna go find Maggie and Hershel.” Julian didn’t have time to say anything as he spotted the knife in her hand. His heart sank to his stomach as he turned and headed down the hallway. He peeked his head into the bedroom.

Beth was faced away from the doorway when he entered. “Beth…Bethie.” Julian said quietly as he walked over and took a seat next to her feet. “Beth. I need you to tell me what you were planning to do with the knife.” 

The blonde didn’t move at all, but she answered. “It’s all pointless now, Julie. What’s the point anymore? Even if we live, we’ll probably just end up like my mom. And Shawn.”

Julian’s hands shook as he rested his elbows on his knees. His gaze focused onto the floor in front of him. He wanted to be able to reassure her as best he could, but there was no way that he could do it. He wanted to believe that there was hope for the future, but part of him couldn’t help but think that Beth was right. That didn’t mean that anyone else had to die, though.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as Lori ran back into the doorway followed by Dove. Dove’s hazel eyes were wide and panicked as she entered the room. Lori hadn’t explained much, just that she’d found Beth trying to cut herself and couldn’t find Maggie. Dove half expected to enter the room and see blood but relief flooded through her as Maggie ran down the hallway. 

She was like a bat out of hell as she descended onto her younger sister. “Are you serious? What do you think dad’s gonna do when he finds out?” Julian chewed nervously on his thumbnail.

“What’s he gonna do? Kill me for committing suicide,” Beth sounded emotionless as she responded.

Dove sighed as she pulled her hair back away from her face. “Beth, listen. I know that it feels like you can’t feel anything right now, but that was a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know how much it hurts to lose someone; believe me I know.” Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke. “But Maggie’s right. How do you think your dad would feel if you did it?”

The blonde girl stared straight ahead and shrugged her thin shoulders.

“Stop being a brat,” Maggie sat down on the bed. “He’d die. So would I. This isn’t just about you.” Julian stood up slowly and put an arm on Dove’s shoulder. A look from the younger man told her that maybe this was a conversation the two women needed to have on their own. 

“How are you doing,” Dove turned her attention to Julian as he shut the door behind them. 

Julian shook his head, “It’s not me you need to worry about. Beth would never do something like that.” He sucked in a deep breath as shouts started to come from inside the bedroom. Dove placed a gentle hand on his back and began to lead him to the kitchen. “Beth loves Maggie. She would never fight with her like that.” He wandered through into the dining room and took a seat.

“This could’ve been handled better,” Andrea spoke.

Dove felt her anger flare up again as Andrea answered Lori. “You shouldn’t have taken the knife away.” 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Dove grumbled. 

“Excuse me,” Lori sounded truly shocked.

“You were wrong. Like Dale taking my gun, that wasn’t your decision,” Andrea sounded so sure of herself.

Dove bit down on her tongue. She didn’t want to fight anymore, she really didn’t.

“She has to choose to live on her own, she has to find her own reasons,” Andrea stated.

Dove snapped, “You are a grown ass woman capable of making your own decisions. Beth is a sixteen-year-old child. You want to give someone who wants to die a way out?”

“What is your problem,” Andrea turned her attention to Dove.

“My problem is that just because you’re a fucking lawyer, you think you know everything,” Dove pointed a finger at the older woman. 

“And you really have the authority to tell me about a situation like this,” Andrea’s tone was condescending, and it just served to fuel the fire.

“No, but I do have a degree in psychology and several years of experience to tell you about the situation,” Dove explained, and Andrea rolled her eyes. “I swear to God, if I had that here with me, I would shove it in your face, then roll it up and shove it so far up your…” 

Lori moved behind Dove and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Stop it! Both of you! Andrea, you need to stop. Dove, I know what you’re saying, and I agree with you but it’s not making it any better.”

“How,” Andrea threw a hand in the air.

“Would you want me to tie a noose for her too then,” Lori snapped.

“If she’s serious, she’ll figure out a way,” Andrea shrugged.

“True but it’s a whole hell of a lot easier when you wanna give her a butcher knife,” Dove glared at the blonde woman.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t stop her or let her know that I care,” Lori explained. Dove admired how the woman was trying so hard to hold it together. Odds were, she probably wanted to scream and fight as much as Dove did. 

“She believes that suicide is the best option,” Andrea said as if she had suddenly discovered it was raining outside.

“That’s not an option,” Lori shook her head.

“Of course it is.”

Dove’s jaw dropped. She managed to tune out half of what Andrea said until she heard it. “I help keep this place safe.”

“If trying to shoot Daryl in the head counts as keeping this place safe, then you sure did,” Dove chided back.

“The men can handle this on their own. They don’t need your help,” Lori asserted. 

“I’m sorry. What would you have me do,” Andrea asked. That baffled Dove. It was a farm, there were a million and one things to do and somehow, everyone else managed to keep themselves busy.

“There’s plenty of work to go around,” Lori frowned. 

“Are you serious,” Andrea shouted. “Everything falls apart and you’re in my face over skipping laundry?”

 Dove scoffed as Lori continued. “Puts a burden on the rest of us. On me, Carol, Dove, Patricia, and Maggie. Cookin and cleanin and caring for Beth. So yes, there is more than enough work to keep you busy too.” Dove’s eyes widened slighlty as she caught the angry look on Andrea’s face. “You don’t care about anyone but yourself. You sit up on that RV, working on a tan with a shotgun in your lap.” 

Andrea scowled and began to explain how she was on watch, but Lori was having none of it. The two women continued to argue back and forth until Andrea dropped a bomb. “Go in there and tell that little girl that everything’s gonna be okay, just like it is for you. She’ll get a husband, a son, baby, boyfriend. She just has to look on the bright side.”

Dove boiled over as she walked around the table and gave Andrea a hard shove. “Get out!”

Andrea turned her attention to the brunette, “And you. You act so high and mighty but…”

“She said, get out,” Julian’s voice came from the doorway and it made everyone freeze. Andrea looked startled. “You don’t get to talk to people like that in this house. If I hear you talking about Beth like that again, I’ll tell Maggie exactly what you said about her. Then you’ll really regret it.” 

Lori finally seemed to crumble a little bit as Andrea exited the house with a slam of the door. “I…”

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Lori. I get it. In traumatic situations, people will…find comfort in other people. You don’t need to explain anything,” Dove stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Lori. She really wished she’d gotten to hit Andrea again.

~

When he heard Maggie going towards Beth’s room and calling for her, Julian rose from his seat and was at the doorway in seconds. Then the glass shattered. Maggie flashed him a panicked look as she began to knock on the door. Julian walked over; panic written all over his face. “Bethie, open up!” Julian banged on the door. “Don’t do this,” he echoed Maggie. His heart sank when she mentioned she’d left her with Andrea. Julian slammed his shoulder against the door once, but it was a hard old wooden door. There was a better chance of him dislocating something than getting the door opened before something happened. “Beth just open the door! Please!” He shouted through the door. 

The door finally swung open as Lori pried it open with a fire poker. His stomach turned as Beth turned and he saw her clutch her bloody wrist. “I’m sorry,” she started to cry. It felt like things moved in slow motion as Maggie walked forward into the bathroom and put an arm around her sister. With a word, Julian ran off to collect bandages for his friend. He was alone for the first time in days and for the first time, he let the tears that he’d been holding back fall.

~

The last thing any of them expected was for Rick and Shane to return with Randall, but that was what happened. Dove didn’t like the idea of Daryl going off to question the boy on his own. She paced nervously between the tents with her sister as she waited for the man to return.

It felt like hours, but Daryl eventually emerged from the barn and walked back up towards the camp. “Boy there’s got a gang. 30 men,” Daryl explained as he approached them. “They have heavy artillery and they ain’t lookin to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead. And our women, they’re gonna wish they would be.” A shiver ran down Dove’s spine at the thought. Her hazel eyes drifted down to look at Daryl’s hands as Carol asked about his knuckles. “Had a little chat,” he answered simply as he stepped through, back to his campsite. 

Dove let out a heavy sigh before she walked back to her tent. She paused for a moment before she began to dig through her backpack. Down near the bottom of the front pocket, she found what she was looking for. Some antiseptic and some clean tissues. Probably not the best, but that would have to do for a peace offering.

It felt like she had bricks tied to her shoes the closer that she got to her destination. “You coming to throw more shit at me,” Daryl called out the moment he spotted her. 

“To be fair,” Dove raised a hand as she stopped just behind him, “I was aiming for your head.”

“Your aim was off,” Daryl grumbled.

“Well, it’s been a while since softball,” she shrugged her shoulders and pointed to the spot next to him. “Can I sit.”

Daryl just let out a grunt and Dove lowered herself to sit next to him. Her gaze went to his knuckles again. “You didn’t have to do that, you know.” She held out the antiseptic to him with a raised eyebrow.

“I did what I had to do,” Daryl just shrugged his shoulders. He looked at the items in her hand before he begrudgingly held his hand out to her.

Dove sighed as she gently took Daryl’s hand in hers and began to dab at the blood on his knuckles with a tissue. “You did more than you had to. That seems to be a pattern with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean,” Daryl scoffed. 

Dove shrugged as she continued to dab at his hand. “It means that you almost got yourself killed looking for Sophia. You beat the shit out of some kid to find out all the things you had to in order to protect the group…” 

Daryl frowned, “Any of them would’ve done it if they had to.”

Dove furrowed her eyebrows as she dabbed the antiseptic onto his knuckles now. “But you’re the one who did. You do just as much for us as Rick does. I think you need to realize how much people appreciate it. How much I appreciate it.” The corner of her mouth turned up into a small smirk, “When you’re not being a bully. Sorry about that by the way. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“You can’t tell people how to grieve,” Daryl said to her and she stopped for a moment. Her gaze raised to Daryl and she released his hand as she spotted the small smile on his face.

“You’re right. You can’t. Now just shut your mouth and give me your other hand,” Dove rolled her eyes as Daryl placed his hand in hers. It felt good to finally be able to make things right.

----

@crossbowking​ @momc95​ @chaotic-gary-king-stan​

[rebelscum-2187]

So after nearly 22 years of life on this planet, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am high functioning autistic. I believe I fell through the cracks of an early diagnosis for the following reasons:

1.) I am Female (I learned how to mask myself very early on)

2.) I have a gifted IQ (above 130) and was classified as such in 4th grade so no one considered that I could be both ASD and intellectually gifted.

I am in the beginning stages of unmasking and am currently seeking an official diagnosis. Right now, I’m trying to write down everything I know about my neurodivergent experience so here’s a list of things I’ve experienced and believe to be relevant. If you can relate or you understand please comment and share! I’m new to this community and it feels so good to finally meet people who understand and can relate. Ok, Here we go.

“So the general population doesn’t memorize scripts to movies or watch the same one every day for a year?”

“People think it’s weird that I prefer to have subtitles on when I watch stuff, even though I don’t have damaged hearing”

“I watch movies with subtitles because I won’t understand what’s said if I don’t read it. I have no hearing issues.”

“I cannot hear/understand someone if I have one ear bud in and one out. Too much sensory input at once.”

“I thought I had a hearing deficit because I literally could not understand people at church or parties or other places with a lot of background noise, and I was so confused when they told me my hearing was normal.”

“I love star wars. Not just love but I could tell you what planet each character is from and what kind of ship they use, what model droid that one is and I will gladly talk about it all day if you let me. Everyone now gets me Star Wars stuff for my birthday and holidays”

“Eye contact is so uncomfortable for me that sometimes it ‘burns’ to maintain it, but then I overcompensate and stare too intensely. Over the years, being female, I’ve forced myself to make eye contact for a certain number of seconds and then look away a certain number of seconds but I’m concentrating so hard on that, that I don’t remember anything that was said to me.”

“Giving me verbal directions is a special kind of hell. I need it written down.”

“I can memorize pictures of things and exactly where every kid sat in my 10th grade US history class as well as my 9th grade geometry class.”

“I never fit in anywhere, in my childhood, most of my adolescence, except the swim team and my new church.”

“Team sports are the worst. I can’t communicate fast enough, I’m bad with hand eye coordination and keeping track of a ball. I excelled in individual sports and fell in love with swimming.”

“I often found it much easier to make friends with older kids because I could have intelligent conversations with them and their good social skills could make up for my lack of social skills.”

“But, I had a few friends that were considerably younger who I could still play imaginatively with dolls when I was 13 and one particular friend was 9. I had a lot of trouble getting a long with her sister who was the same age as me.”

“It physically pains me to hear someone mispronounce a word, spell something wrong, or make a grammatical mistake. I corrected my cousin A LOT when we were kids, she frequently got mad and I couldn’t understand why. My grandma would tell me to stop because correcting people is rude.”

“One of my special interests as a kid was dolphins. I was 5-6 years old and I remember being so excited when my mom let me check out like 10 books from the library and I read them quickly and multiple times.”

“I corrected a teacher one time about dolphins. She said dolphins weren’t whales and I knew FOR A FACT that ‘dolphins were a type of small whale’ because I read it in one of my books. She laughed at me and so did the rest of the class and I felt stupid even though I was right. This led to me suppressing my knowledge and real self and ultimately more masking.”

“As per that last one, my memory is impeccable.”

“I had another special interest in dogs when I got a bit older. My mom bought me a book with every kind of breed of dog, where they came from, their temperament, their size, everything. I can still, to this day, tell you the breed of dog just by looking at it.”

“I always wanted a best friend but never had one. I had groups of friends but never someone who would call me their best friend. When I got a boyfriend in high school, I was so excited because he called me his best friend and he was mine and I finally had that feeling reciprocated. He also had a gifted IQ and dyslexia, ADHD and a few other things so we understood each other quite well.”

“I can’t tell if someone is flirting with me because I can’t read between the lines. I also don’t know how to flirt because if I like a guy too much I get soooo nervous and I stumble over my words and it’s a disaster.”

“When I liked this guy (last year, 2019) I would freeze up so bad when I talked to him that I rehearsed every conversation I wanted to have with him so I wouldn’t mess it up. I would write topics in the notes section of my phone before hanging out with him so I’d remember what to ask him. It made for very awkward and forced conversations and probably drove him away.”

“Sarcasm and jokes almost always go over my head. The boyfriend I had in high school was very funny and outgoing but used a lot of sarcasm and it always caused disagreements because I took him seriously when he was being sarcastic.”

“I talk slowly and very monotone.”

“I have no difficulty reading in my head and can read/comprehend it well, but reading aloud is difficult and I often stumble over words and mess up.”

“I need directions repeated multiple times before I understand.”

“I went to the beach to hang out with some church friends yesterday. They all play spike ball and are so confused as to why I sit there and don’t play. I’ve tried playing spike ball but it involves way too much hand eye coordination and I’m so bad at it that it’s embarrassing. So I don’t play.”

“That same night, a group of them said ‘let’s play uno!’ And I was so happy to play something familiar that didn’t involve a lot of coordination. Then they said ‘we’re playing SPICY uno, right?’ And immediately my heart sank because I knew they were playing a different way that I wasn’t familiar with. Again, receiving verbal directions was hell and I didn’t understand it. I was so bad at it and wasn’t getting it, and in the middle of the game I had the urge to cry. I wanted to cry because I couldn’t even get this right. I suppressed the urge, of course, so they wouldn’t think I was even more weird than the already suspected. Another group of people that I wouldn’t fit in with.”

“Making friends has always been so difficult. Once I make a good friend I hang on to them for as long as possible even if they’re not very nice because I’m scared I’ll have to make a new one if I lose them. And we all know how hard making new friends is for me.”

“I’m a perfectionist. Especially with my art projects. When I took a painting class I realized I do it the wrong way. You’re supposed to paint layer by layer over the entire canvas and focus on small details at the very end. I work on one small area at a time and do small details too soon. I often spend way too much time on small details before I realize that the larger shape of the object isn’t proportionate and then it’s too late.”

“I won’t even attempt tasks if I know I can’t do them perfectly.”

“I have perfect pitch. I don’t know if that has anything to do with autism or that I just started music lessons when I was young. I can tune instruments perfectly without a tuner or reference note and I never understood why my orchestra teacher had me play the A key on the piano over and over again while she walked around and tuned everyone’s instruments when I could do it without any reference. I can hear it in my head.”

“When my parents got me a keyboard at age 7-8, they were impressed because I could sit down, without listening to any song and find the notes of a song I liked by ear. I still do that today but my piano is very out of tune and it bothers me.”

“Autistic boys tend to isolate and not care about concealing their stims or weird behavior but girls don’t. I am a ‘loner’ and always have been but I want so badly to belong and have friends and socialize, but I’ve always been so bad at it that I strike out every time. I often drink at social gatherings because it helps me loosen up and talk more freely. I guess it helps me lose the mask for a while.”

“I HATE people touching me. I’ve always hated it and still hate it to this day unless it’s someone I’m super comfortable with. I’ve been told I have the ‘dead fish hand shake’ and I’m an awkward hugger. My friend picked me up from behind and carried me for a few seconds because we were all goofing off and having fun but afterwards I was so mad at him I got really quiet and didn’t talk for a while. I told him later on the ride home that if he did that again I would slap him. “

“Everyone thinks it’s weird that I don’t like touching people, and some of my friends who also don’t like touching people were abused and I always thought, ‘there had to be a reason, maybe I was abused as a kid and repressed it.’ It’s been so long and I’ve finally realized that maybe it’s just because I have Aspergers or ASD. “

“When I make sarcastic remarks or jokes I often have to clarify because I say them in such a monotone way that people think I’m serious.”

“I’ve always joked that I’m just really clumsy and uncoordinated, and chalked it up to being tall and lanky. That’s why swimming was the perfect sport for me. Little to no risk of injury and not much hand eye coordination needed to be good at it. Just hours of practice, technique and endurance.”

“I also injure myself quite a lot because I’m ‘a klutz.’”

“Stims: I scratch my head and then smell my fingers and I will do this for hours if I am able (I know that one is weird so I only do it at home) popping my knuckles a ridiculous amount of times when I feel uncomfortable and don’t know what to do with my hands. I twirl my hair constantly (that one is pretty socially acceptable so I do it in class nonstop). I tap my foot or bounce my leg, I make weird facial expressions and forget to hide those. People notice but they often think it’s funny because I’ll make a face if someone says something dumb and make an expression that people seem to relate to. I scrunch my nose if I’m uncomfortable or just whenever.”

Special interests: Star Wars, Disney (I know every word to every Disney song and I watch animated Disney movies over and over again, like literally every night) dolphins, the ocean, dogs, theology/the Bible.

“With my art work, and other things, I will get so focused on a painting that I will work non stop for 8-9 hours (all day basically) and not eat because I’m so focused that I forget to eat.”

“I think I slur my words a lot and sometimes my friends will laugh and be like ‘did you just say ____.?!?!’And I’ll clarify and they will continue laughing and say ‘oh it sounded like you said this.’ I hate when that happens.”

“Loud noises really bother me. I jump if I hear an unexpected loud noise and I hate people yelling, even if it’s not directed at me, it makes me want to cry. “

“I loved the color blue so much as a kid (I still do) but my entire wardrobe was basically different shades of blue t-shirts. I also only ever wore baggy t-shirts and baggy cargo shorts (I kinda dressed like a boy) because it was comfortable and I didn’t like getting comments if I looked “cute today”. I hated the attention. I also never ever wore my hair down to school. It always had to be up in a tight pony tail. I still don’t like my hair being in my face to this day and wear it up almost every day.”

“The other day, I was hanging out with a friend and she was trying to tell a story but I kept getting distracted and interrupting her. She said, ‘Emily, you kind of interrupt people a lot.’ At first I was hurt, but then I realized it’s not entirely my fault and it’s an autistic thing.”

“I mask so much that I have rehearsed responses to social interactions and will often get so nervous or start speaking from the script before I realize I’ve said the wrong response. Of course I’ll think about it all day after that and think of ‘well great, so and so thinks I’m weird now.’”

[seagreen-meets-grey]

When Lightning Strikes Ch. 10

When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won’t even know what hit you.

Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 19] [Chapter 20]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

Thursday lunchtime found Hiccup sitting on the same bench in the park he’d spent the majority of his Sunday on. That day seemed so long ago already, although not even a week had passed since he’d seen Astrid again, after eighteen months. Now, after only two days (and most of two nights) of texting with her, he felt like he’d known her his entire life. There was something about talking to her that just came natural to him, like breathing and rolling his eyes at Snotlout.

He glanced nervously at his watch, the big hand running a few minutes ahead. There were twenty minutes left on his break and he needed five to get back to the building. Three if he sprinted. Tapping his finger rapidly on the chipped green paint of the wood he was sitting on, his eyes kept scanning his surroundings over and over again.

Maybe she wasn’t coming after all, for whatever reason. Perhaps she decided that a good book in the hammock in her parents’ garden that she told him about was more worth her time. Spending approximately fifteen minutes with him on a park bench in the middle of the day couldn’t be the most exciting thing she could do on her day off. But in-between their work schedules, seeing each other was harder than he’d anticipated.

He perked up when he suddenly heard someone call his name. And there she was, coming his way down an uneven path on a bicycle, waving at him with a smile on her face. Her hair was barely held back by a headband, flying freely in the airflow.

With a gravel-splattering brake, she came to a stop and leaned her bike against the back of the bench. Out of breath and wiping her hair out of her face, she flopped down next to him.

“Hey,” she panted, taking out her headband, shaking her head and combing through her long golden locks with her fingers. “Sorry I’m late. I wanted to take the bike so I don’t have to search for a parking spot. But the front tire was flat and we only had a hand pump.” She was done with her hair and put the headband back in before finally turning to him with a bright smile that left him speechless for a moment.

“It- It’s okay,” he stammered, momentarily at a loss about how conversations worked. “Now you’re here.”

“Now I’m here.” Her smile and eyes were so captivating, Hiccup could only smile back and stare, his brain wiped clean until she cleared her throat. “Nice weather, right?”

“Ah hmm, yes.” They simultaneously looked the other way, suddenly very interested in the municipal worker emptying a trash can a few benches over. “Very warm. And… dry. Not great for agriculture. Hopefully, it will rain soon, can’t have a bad harvest. Farmers need their money and my dad needs his potatoes. And it’s… kind of muggy?” He was stuck. And he knew that if he didn’t get a grip on himself, he’d keep talking about the weather and his father’s food preferences for the remaining time of his break, even longer if nobody stopped him. After a beat of silence, the awkwardness of the situation released itself in the disbelieving laughter bubbling out of him.

“What?”

He grinned at her, shaking his head and counting on his fingers. “In the past two days we’ve had deep conversations about ghosts, mortality, the difference between the souls of dogs and cats, the possibilities of a fish army, and whether or not dragons could survive in Florida these days. And now all we can talk about is the weather?”

“Well, if you put it like that…” she chuckled.

“Let’s start over, shall we.” He lifted his hand in greeting. “Hello, Astrid. It’s nice to see you. How are you feeling today?”

To his surprise, she high-fived the hand he was still holding up. “Hello, Hiccup. I’m doing fine, thank you very much.” She socked him on the arm.

“Hey, what was that for?!”

She shrugged while he rubbed his sore biceps. “Emphasis. Communication. Affection without words.”

His cheeks felt warm and he hoped it didn’t show. “Do you do that to everyone?”

“No, only to the people I like. And also to those I don’t like, but that’s a whole different angle and intensity. Trust me, you’d know the difference if I didn’t like you.”

“Note to self, don’t get on Astrid’s bad side.” His heart wouldn’t calm down. Why wouldn’t it just calm down? All she did was say that she liked him… Oh, boy. He gulped and changed the topic by voicing the first thought that came to him. “So, how’s married life going?”

For the tiniest fraction of a second, there was a shadow that briefly fell over her cheery demeanor, but it was gone so quickly, he could only wonder if he’d imagined it.

“Oh, you know, it’s very comfortable. There’s always someone there if you need to talk, someone to lean on and spend most of your time with. And, of course, it’s only your turn to clean the bathroom every other week.”

“Sounds like paradise,” he quipped.

“Yeah, not always, though.” When he frowned in question, she quickly added, “Eret’s allergic to dogs. I’ve always wanted a dog since I was a kid, but my parents aren’t big fans of pets. And my husband is allergic, so I have to get my fair share of dog from work.”

“Then what do you do on days you don’t have to work?”

“Suffer.” She pulled up a serious face but the twitching corners of her mouth betrayed her.

“Oh, I know all about that kind of suffering. Toothless, my cat, I’ve had him since I was fifteen. My ex-girlfriend – Heather, you remember Heather? Dagur’s sister? – she didn’t want cat hair all over the couch so he had to stay with my parents. After we broke up, I couldn’t find a good apartment that allowed cats so fast and I didn’t want to move back in with my parents.”

“Totally. I haven’t been here for two weeks and they’re already driving me nuts, especially my mom.” She rolled her eyes.

“Exactly, that’s why I kept looking for a better apartment and eventually, I found a nice one where I could finally live with my best bud again. And another plus is that I’m no longer living at the edge of the world.”

A sigh escaped her. “I wish I could live on my own again, just for the sake of getting a dog.”

“Really?” He watched her carefully. “Does having a dog really trump spending the rest of your life with the person you love most?”

She averted her face for the few long seconds it took her to answer. “Of course not.” Then, before he could dig deeper, her cheery smile was back. “You never showed me the cat pictures you promised.”

“Oh, right.” He decided to go with the change of topic, although he knew there was something bothering her, something she didn’t want to talk about. Instead, he pulled out his phone and opened a series of pictures of a large black housecat with huge green eyes and a very short tail.

Astrid leaned closer to him in order to look at his phone, her face so close to his that he could count the small freckles on her cheeks. Her hair smelled of something fresh and fruity and he had to concentrate hard to not bury his nose in her hair.

“He’s so cute!” she exclaimed and he shook his head to clear his mind of any inappropriate thoughts.

“Don’t be fooled, he can be the devil himself when he gets cranky.”

“He doesn’t look like it at all! But I personally know that the cutest of them are usually the worst… Hey, he almost has the same eyes as you!” She looked up and he only had half a second to prepare himself before he was once again captured by her gaze. Her eyes were so blue, and he could see his reflection in them in this light. An electric spark crept up his spine, flowed down his arms into his fingers, making them twitch and long to touch her.

He didn’t realize he wasn’t breathing until she coughed and looked back at his phone, cheeks dusted pink.

“What happened to his tail?”

“Huh?”

“His tail, it’s super short.”

“Oh.” He finally regained his focus. “It was bitten off when he was still a kitten, in a fight with the neighbor’s dog.”

“What kind of dog?”

“Hunting dog, I don’t know if I remember… I think it was a Germain short-something, a big white one with a brown head and spots.”

Her face lit up, still so, so close. “German shorthaired pointer. I’m helping train one of those at the moment. Her name is Kira, she’s very energetic, but also super adorable and loves to be pet and cuddled. When she sees people, familiar and new ones, she always comes up to them, puts her paw on their shoe, leans against their leg and looks up at them with big brown eyes.”

While she kept gushing about the dogs she’s working with, her eyes grew bigger, the love for her job and the animals evident in every line of her face, in the way she sat upright and tall like a flower growing towards the sun, the passion for what she did for a living extending from her in a radiant light. Right then and there, he fell in love with her a little bit more.

But then his phone started vibrating in his hand, the alarm he’d set for the end of his break cutting her short.

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry, I have to get back to work.” For a moment, he considered quitting his job just to be able to listen to her talk about “her” dogs for a while longer. But she was already standing up and he followed her lead.

“It’s okay, we can talk later.” That alone lifted his heart. “I can walk with you to your building, if you want.”

“Yeah, that– I’d like that.”

Chatting comfortably the whole time, he led the way back to his workplace, with her pushing her bike in-between them. At the entrance, they met Fishlegs who’d been waiting for him like he always did when he started his shift after Hiccup’s lunch break.

Upon spotting a pretty girl with Hiccup who was laughing at something he said, Fishlegs’ face lit up with morbid curiosity. When Hiccup introduced the two with each other and mentioned Astrid’s name, he grinned and said, “I figured.”

“Why?” Astrid asked but before his friend could say anything embarrassing or too telling, Hiccup spoke up.

“So, yeah, now you two have met. But Fish and I, we really need to get going.” He started pushing the other man inside the building, looking back at Astrid over his shoulder. “It was nice seeing you.”

“You, too. Talk to you later?”

He couldn’t have stopped himself from smiling if he had tried. “Of course!” In front of him, still guided backwards by Hiccup, Fishlegs waved goodbye.

“Nice to meet you, Fishlegs!” was the last thing they heard from her before they were inside and the doors closed behind them.

The short walk to the elevator was quiet, but Hiccup could feel the curious questions waft through the air like smoke from a fire of inquisitiveness before they ultimately broke out in a darting flame.

“So how’s it going? You haven’t told me a lot yet, what are you guys talking about? Is Heather’s plan working? Are your feelings morphing into friendship? Or is it getting worse? What’s she like now that you know her better? Or do you not talk that much? Did you just meet her on purpose or coincidentally? And has she told you anything about her current relationship? Do you think you have a chance, romantically speaking?”

Five floors later, just in time with the ding of the elevator, Hiccup finally got a word in. “Will you please breathe?” He had a feeling he wouldn’t get back to his work so soon.

The rest of the way to their office, down a long hallway and around a corner, he didn’t say a word. The last thing he wanted was a new wave of gossip from nosy, eavesdropping colleagues. It had taken them several months to get over the spilled tea incident where Sabrina from down the hall had accidentally poured a whole cup all over her white blouse. Fortunately, the tea had already been cold. Unfortunately, that day she’d worn her thinnest white bra.

When they were back behind closed doors, they sat at their respective workspaces. Hiccup regarded the mess of sketches and manuscript excerpts on his desk, the drawing tablet buried underneath the paper chaos ready to be worked with again. But Fishlegs’ stare was louder than the call of his tasks.

“We’ve been talking a lot over text,” he finally shared, defeated and well aware of how he wouldn’t get out of this conversation until he had it. His friends were way too invested in his love life. “Not awkward talks, though, as I’d originally feared. It’s like talking to someone you’ve known your entire life, with the difference that the inside jokes are only now coming to be. Today during lunch, she asked if I wanted some company and came to the park. And no, she hasn’t said much about Eret or anything regarding her home life, and I didn’t pry.”

Fishlegs scratched his chin. “Sounds like you’re becoming fast friends.”

“Friends, yeah.” He sighed. He was already feeling so much closer to her, but still she was so far out of reach. Like there was a wall that she’d built, for reasons he didn’t understand. Someday, he hoped, he’d gain the trust needed for her to open up. To feel like she could talk to him about what kept her awake until five in the morning, because it couldn’t just be to answer his texts about whether or not his cat had a soul.

“Have your feelings changed about her? If so, I can be the one to tell Heather so you don’t have to hear her say I told you so.”

“I appreciate that, but that’s not necessary. They have changed, kind of, but not in that way. They just grew stronger.” Absentmindedly, he took a pencil and started doodling on a blank piece of paper.

Fishlegs watched him for a few minutes before he pondered, “Maybe she has a dark secret or a really nasty side of her that you don’t know yet.”

Hiccup added shades and details to his sketch. “Last night, she told me about a fight she had with her father about something unimportant, and honestly, her dad was in the right. She was just too stubborn to admit her mistake. Which, if you ask me, is a quality you could call bad, depending on the situation.”

He almost didn’t catch Fishlegs’ mumbled, “Well, at least that makes two of you.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m just saying, you can be quite stubborn as well. Either you’ve found your match, or you’re going to drive each other absolutely mad.” He rolled over on his chair. “What are you drawing there, anyway?”

Hiccup slid the piece of paper back under the mess and pulled out the one he should actually work on. “I’m doing my job, what do you think?” Fishlegs slowly rolled back to his computer. “Now can we switch topics, please?” He grabbed a book from a pile on a desk behind him. “Because I’ve thought a lot about the stats we’ve come up with for the monsters in this book and I have a few new ideas.”

His friend rolled over once more, already full of enthusiasm for one of his favorite topics. The sketch of the exact shape and shades of Astrid’s eyes remained hidden until Hiccup put it in the folder with his other personal sketches once his shift was over. He felt like he could still improve the drawing, but he needed a reference to study rather than relying on his memories and imagination. Would it be weird to ask for a photo of her? It would be solely for artistic purposes, after all.

“I just hope you know what you’re doing,” Fishlegs said when they parted in the parking lot.

“I do,” Hiccup assured, although when it came to Astrid, he felt like he didn’t know anything at all. On his way home, he called her anyway.

[jackoshadows]

Maybe I missed something in fandom discourse, but why is it suddenly a big deal that Arya did not go for a carriage ride with Cersei? Cersei certainly did not care that Arya was not there. Ned did not lose out on any big political deals because Arya did not go on the trip. So what’s the issue here? Why is this a thing?

And the ‘she didn’t have enough information!’ excuse to justify Sansa’s lack of empathy is just tiresome at this point.

Mycah shook his head. “It’s only a stick, m’lord. It’s not no sword, it’s only a stick.”

“And you’re only a butcher’s boy, and no knight.” Joffrey lifted Lion’s Tooth and laid its point on Mycah’s cheek below the eye, as the butcher’s boy stood trembling. “That was my lady’s sister you were hitting, do you know that?”

A bright bud of blood blossomed where his sword pressed into Mycah’s flesh, and a slow red line trickled down the boy’s cheek. “Stop it!” Arya screamed. She grabbed up her fallen stick.

“I won’t hurt him… much,” Prince Joffrey told Arya, never taking his eyes off the butcher’s boy.

What extra information does Sansa need here to realize that Joffrey is sadistically torturing another child for fun? Considering Sansa had no empathy for Mycah even after he was murdered - chased like an animal  and cut in half by the Hound - what more information did she need here to know right from wrong?

Look at it this way. Put 14/15 year old politically savvy Robb Stark or Jon Snow in that situation. Do you think they would have reacted to what Joffrey was doing to Mycah in any way different than 9 year old Arya? Would Bran would have done differently? Let’s put an adult in that situation. Do you think Brienne of Tarth would have stood by and done nothing if she saw Joffrey torturing another child?

It’s not even an age thing, because it’s a question of basic empathy, morals, knowing right from wrong and this is a thing that science has showed human beings develop even as toddlers. Sansa stans often talk about how they relate to her because she’s ‘realistic’ as opposed to the magical/fantasy characters like Arya and Dany. Well here’s some realism for you:

Researchers found that children, like adults, show responses to pain in the same areas of their brains. The research also found additional aspects of the brain activated in children, when youngsters saw another person intentionally hurt by another individual.

"This study is the first to examine in young children both the neural response to pain in others and the impact of someone causing pain to someone else," said Jean Decety, Professor in the Departments of Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Chicago.

The programming for empathy is something that is "hard-wired" into the brains of normal children, and not entirely the product of parental guidance or other nurturing, said Decety.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080711080957.htm

Arya instinctively jumping in to stop Joffrey hurting Mycah is what’s real here. Sansa’s ‘empathy’ is reserved for the sadist here, not for the victim in all this.

After they had gone, Sansa went to Prince Joffrey. His eyes were closed in pain, his breath ragged. Sansa knelt beside him. “Joffrey,” she sobbed. “Oh, look what they did, look what they did. My poor prince. Don’t be afraid. I’ll ride to the holdfast and bring help for you.” Tenderly she reached out and brushed back his soft blond hair.

Again, let’s take a look at her interaction with Maester Coleman:

“Give his lordship a cup of sweetmilk,” she told the maester. “That will stop him from shaking on the journey down.”

“He had a cup not three days past,” Colemon objected.

“And wanted another last night, which you refused him.”

“It was too soon. My lady, you do not understand. As I’ve told the Lord Protector, a pinch of sweetsleep will prevent the shaking, but it does not leave the flesh, and in time…”

What is confusing about this? The doctor is telling her that sweetsleep is dangerous for Sweetrobin in the long term and does not want to frequently dose him with it. Does Sansa need 10 peer reviewed research papers on this before understanding that this drug is dangerous for her little cousin? This is what Sansa thinks to herself:

Maester Coleman cares only for the boy though. Father and I have larger concerns

Clearly indicating she knows this drug is not good for SweetRobin, but that LF’s games with the Vale Lords to ensure their plans work is what’s more important.

Also, Sansa is 13 here and yet she is excused for not having enough information while 9 year old Arya is castigated for not being politically aware enough to go on a carriage ride with Cersei! The hypocrisy.

Let’s take Sansa’s conversation with Ned Stark:

Father’s mouth twitched strangely. “Sansa, I’m not sending you away for fighting, though the gods know I’m sick of you two squabbling. I want you back in Winterfell for your own safety. Three of my men were cut down like dogs not a league from where we sit, and what does Robert do? He goes hunting.”

“Sweet one,” her father said gently, “listen to me. When you’re old enough, I will make you a match with a high lord who’s worthy of you, someone brave and gentle and strong. This match with Joffrey was a terrible mistake. That boy is no Prince Aemon, you must believe me.”

To the girls he said, “I am looking for a fast trading galley to take you home. These days, the sea is safer than the kingsroad. You will sail as soon as I can find a proper ship, with Septa Mordane and a complement of guards… and yes, with Syrio Forel, if he agrees to enter my service. But say nothing of this. It’s better if no one knows of our plans. We’ll talk again tomorrow.”

Again, Ned let’s Sansa know that it’s dangerous in KL for both girls, that he was sending them home for their safety and to not let anyone know about their plans. What more should Ned explain to his 11 year old daughter to get her to comply? What more information does Sansa need here to obey her father? At this point she knows Cersei ordered her beloved pet wolf killed! Why would she think Cersei is a better person that her father?

Like, just think about it for a second. Children love animals. They love their pets. Would a child trust someone who killed their pet? But Sansa trusts Cersei more than she does Ned!

Is it that hard to admit that Sansa was a selfish, spoiled brat in the first book? A classist bully who lacked basic empathy and looked down on the smallfolk? Who valued appearances over principle? Who betrayed her family because she wanted to be queen and lord over her little sister? It’s all there in the books!

I would appreciate her stans more if they would just admit that yes Sansa is all this and we like her this way instead of blaming every other character in the books for her actions.

[purplesurveys]

1141

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - Do you have a favourite day of the week? What is it about that day that you like so much? I feel like I just answered this recently, but let’s go with Friday again. Always nice to fade out after work and to finally close all my work tabs and chats, and not feel obligated to reply to anyone for a couple of days.

2 - Would you describe yourself as a sociable person or not? I’m not the most sociable person, like I don’t always have the energy to be at the maximum level of perky, but I am to an extent. I no longer find it difficult to approach people and strike up a conversation.

3 - Who was the last person you spoke to out-loud? What did you speak to them about? My mom. My former director, Ysa, sent me a scented candle earlier tonight - as a parting gift since she got promoted and got reassigned to my employer’s sister company - and I just asked my mom to light the candle up because I’m scared of matches and fire.

4 - Do you prefer tea or coffee? Coffee; I never drink tea.

5 - What's your ideal weather? When was the last time you had that kind of weather where you live? Any kind of weather where the temperature is anywhere below 25ºC (which is already considered quite chilly here) is fine with me.

6 - Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Does virtual count? I had a Jeopardy night on Zoom with my orgmates a couple of weeks ago. I might miss out on a couple of people, but I was with Peter, Elis, Andi, Carmel, Robin, Laurice, and Mik. Apart from that, my uncle treated me, my kuya, and my cousin Luke to lunch the morning after said Zoom call.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Oh my god, just this afternoon. I was in a Zoom call with a client and besides our PR agency, there was another marketing agency in the call who was also pitching their presentation deck. The entire call was pure bliss on my end, no one was making noise at home – the second it came to my speaking parts, Cooper started howling and barking like crazy because idk, maybe he saw an animal outside or something?? In any case it suddenly got very loud and I got caught off-guard, and I ended up stuttering several times as I was trying to focus.

8 - Do you have to wear a uniform at work or school? If not, what do you tend to wear? The only time I had to wear a legit uniform was in private school, which I attended from preschool to high school. We do have business casual dress code at work, but that in itself is pretty flexible so I don’t really count it as a ‘uniform.’

9 - Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Indoor cinema. I watch a lot of things that I’d love to be able to view with a much bigger screen - plus it’s a lot easier to maintain than a pool, lol.

10 - When was the last time you were at the beach? August 2019 :(

11 - Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. My parents also advise against getting my own credit card since I could pick up some bad spending habits from it, according to them. That sounds scary enough so I’m ok with my debit card.

12 - What do you tend to wear to sleep in? Does this vary depending on the time of year? Usually something light, short, and airy since I live in a tropical country that never gets to enjoy temperatures lower than like 23ºC.

13 - What do you tend to have for breakfast, if you eat it? Fried rice, hotdogs, and bacon strips are filling enough for me.

14 - If someone offered to cook you a three-course-meal of your choosing, no budget - what would you have? Oysters, filet mignon, and macarons.

15 - How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Anywhere between 7–9 during weekdays, and like 3–4 during weekends because revenge bedtime procrastination is real. Yeah, I’d say it’s enough on both ends.

16 - Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We have neither.

17 - When was the last time you did a load of laundry? Do you need to do some in the near future? I don’t do the laundry at home.

18 - Are you addicted to anything legal? What about illegal? I guess vaping? I’m a lot more reliant on it now versus the past few months, and I get a little restless whenever I have to charge it for an hour or so. 

19 - Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? A little bit, but I obviously haven’t had to express it in a while because of my much-lessened time on the road due to Covid. Standstill traffic is the biggest factor, but standstill traffic + stupid drivers who are impatient and end up not following the road lanes is the quickest way to irritate me and set me off.

20 - What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? I have no idea, and that’s precisely because I live in the suburbs in a city which would not make them a common sight.

21 - How is your hair styled at the moment? Low side ponytail.

22 - Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Not as much as I used to. I’ll probably post 5–7 tweets (versus the 50+ I’d post when I was younger) and share like 1–3 Facebook posts a day. I could talk about pretty much everything on Twitter since that’s my main dump - be it rants, my feelings, what I ate, the latest dumb thing Cooper did, etc. On Facebook I mostly share memes, at least family-friendly ones that wouldn’t alert my relatives lol.

23 - What are you watching/listening to at the moment? Nothing for either. I can hear some birds chirping outside since it’s finally getting brighter again, but that’s it.

24 - If you have multiple pets, do they all get along with each other or are there sometimes fights/scuffles? Cooper has actually finally settled down a bit so I’m starting to feel more comfortable letting him out with Kimi in the same room/floor. He understands that Kimi doesn’t like being disturbed so even though he’s in the mood to run around and be energetic and play catch or whatever, he always takes the time to tip-toe around Kimi. They’re not best buds by any means, but it’s enough to leave them be and not worry about a fight breaking out anymore. Sweet boys.

25 - What are some habits you have in common with your parents? My dad excessively blinks when he’s feeling tense or in an argument; I ended up picking that up from him. With my mom, it’s mostly phrases or expressions that she likes to use.

26 - Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? Beaches.

27 - When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? I either remember the page number or do a tiny dog-ear. Bookmarks aren’t the right match for me lol, I’ll most likely end up losing them.

28 - What's your favourite kind of cereal? Sweeter ones.

29 - Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? Yeah, my neck had actually been seriously stiff during my last shift and I couldn’t move my head unless I moved my entire body along with it. It’s died down now but I can definitely still feel the strain. My left shoulder in particular feels very strained at the moment and I’m feeling a considerable level of discomfort from it as I take this.

30 - What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? 2 Days 1 Night, the usual. The Korean style of video editing is phenomenal and can literally make anything funny.

[massivedrickhead]

Tag Game! Get to know me.

I was tagged by @green-eyed-weirdo, thanks bud!

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?

Black

2. Name a food you never eat.

Mushrooms 🤢

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

I’m usually always too cold

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Writing

5. What’s your favorite candy bar?

I’m a big fan of a Twirl

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game?

Sort of. I saw a stage of the Tour de France when it came to England

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?

Probably when I was singing to myself last night. I live alone so there’s a lot of that.

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

Either mint chocolate chip or cherry

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

A cup of that new jam and toast flavoured tea. It’s really good.

10. Do you like your wallet?

I do, it’s a really small herschel card holder thing so it fits in like every pocket. And now that nowhere wants cash, I never have to try and cram notes or coins into it haha

11. What is the last thing you ate?

A chocolate orange brownie

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

Nope.

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched?

The Tour de France

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

I like a toffee popcorn

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

My best friend

16. Ever been camping?

Yes, not since I was a kid though. 

17. Do you take vitamins?

No but I probably should

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship?

No

19. Do you have a tan?

No, I’m practically see-through.

20. Do you prefer Chinese or pizza?

As much as I love pizza, Chinese food is my fave

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw?

If I’m at a restaurant I’d rather have a straw.

22. What color socks do you usually wear?

I have a lot of colourful socks I wear at home, but if I'm going out and about I’ll usually wear black ones

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I don’t drive.

24. What terrifies you?

The thought that one day I’m going to lose someone I love. Also fish.

25. Look to your left, what do you see?

A candle, my keys, a mug filled with the cold tea I didn’t finish

26. What chore do you hate most?

The dishes

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

I don’t really think anything tbh haha

28. What’s your favorite soda?

Coke Zero probably.

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?

I don’t drive so I usually just go inside

30. What’s your favorite number?

23

31. Who’s the last person you talked to?

In person it was my sister when she left last night. (She’s in my bubble so she can come over)

32. Favorite meat?

Chicken

33. Last song you listened to?

Lost Stars - Adam Levine. For some reason I really love the film Begin Again haha

34. Last book you read?

Loveless by the amazing Alice Oseman. 

35. Favorite day of the week?

Probably Saturday. I get to eat what I want and usually go for a walk with my dad 

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

If you gave me some time probably haha

37. How do you like your coffee?

I love a flavoured latte. I’m a basic bitch. 

38. Favorite pair of shoes?

I have a pair of Pride Converse that I’m obsessed with.

39. Time you normally get up?

If it’s a weekday I’m usually up at 6:45, but on a weekend I sleep in

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

Sunsets

41. How many blankets on your bed?

One, but it’s a duvet so it’s nice and thick.

42. Describe your kitchen plates:

I have dark blue and light blue. 

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment:

A big mess because I hate doing dishes

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

As previously mentioned, I’m a basic bitch so I love a tasty cocktail haha give me an espresso martini or a strawberry daiquiri and I’m happy

45. Do you play cards?

If I’m on holiday with my family we’ll usually play cards every night but I never play any other time really haha

46. What color is your car?

I don’t drive

47. Can you change a tire?

No

48. Your favorite state or province?

The only state I’ve been to is New York so I guess New York?

49. Favorite job you’ve had?

Probably the one I have now since I hated working retail with every bit of me

I tag anyone who wants to do this!

[unfolded73]

How Do We Get Back (15/16) - schitt’s creek ff

Summary: In a literal alternate universe where the Roses escaped financial ruin, David and Patrick struggle with loneliness and a sense that something isn’t right. A chance meeting in New York and a terrible tragedy drive them to question whether the timeline they are on is the right one. Explicit, this chapter 3.6k words.  (ao3)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14

_____________________________________

Chapter 15

David opened his eyes and stared at the stained popcorn ceiling overhead. He sighed and closed his eyes, ready to fall back to sleep, but nagging responsibility kept him from drifting off. He had a lot to do, and not much time left to do it in. Groaning, he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

The bed next to his was empty. Giving it a quick glance, he gathered up some clothes and went into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.

While the water warmed up, he stared at himself in the mirror, touching the dark circles under his eyes and wincing. He hadn’t been sleeping enough lately: too many worries to get a good night’s sleep. Testing the water, David slipped off his pajamas and got under the inadequate spray.

After so long in this motel, he had his shower routine down to about seven minutes, which his old self would have died to think of. But the hot water was limited, and the weak water pressure wasn’t particularly pleasurable to stand under, and so he’d paired it down to the basics of washing, shampooing, and conditioning. At seven minutes exactly, he turned the water off and groped for his towel.

Face shaven, hair blow dried and styled, daytime moisturizer with sunscreen applied, and clothes on, he stepped out of the bathroom and went over to the door to the adjoining room. He tapped and listened for a ‘come in’ before he entered.

His mother was sitting at the round table in her pajamas, sipping a cup of tea and reading a book. His father was pulling on his suit jacket next to the wig wall.

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know, I should be ready to open the store in just a couple more weeks.”

“Oh, that’s great news! A grand opening!” Johnny said.

“It’s certainly taken long enough; we’ve been waiting with bated breath,” Moira said.

“Okay,” David said in acknowledgement of his mother’s negativity before turning to his father. “I was thinking about a soft launch, actually? Like, Gwyneth soft launched the Goop newsletter and now it’s a thriving lifestyle publication?”

“Who?” Johnny asked as he adjusted the collar of his shirt in the mirror.

“I don’t know, David, that sounds meek!” Moira proclaimed, setting her book down and looking at him. “You’re looking very tired, dear. The bags under your eyes would barely fit in the overhead compartment.”

David huffed, throwing his hands up. “Getting the store ready to open is a lot of work.” And more importantly, he’d been lying awake worrying about all the things he needed to do, and worse, all the things that he probably didn’t know that he needed to do.

“You should probably hire some help, son.” Johnny sat down with his wife at the table and picked up the newspaper.

“I intend to, eventually, but I don’t have the money to pay anyone at this point. Hiring someone means you have to pay them.”

His mother was looking at him pityingly, as if maybe she was wondering if they wouldn’t have all been better off if Christmas World hadn’t changed their mind about moving into the town. In his darker moments, David wondered that too.

“Anyway, I’m thinking I’ll do an exclusive opening for friends and family only. Maybe I’ll offer a discount.”

“On the first day? Sounds a bit defeatist.” His mother shook her head, picking up the book she had been reading and opening it. “Well, David, we’ll be happy to come and support your modest little vigil, if ever the day for it finally arrives.”

“Great. So glad I came in here,” he said, going back to his room and leaning against the closed door, taking a second to wallow in the shaky feeling of inadequacy that his parents were so good at mining, even if it wasn’t intentional. He took some deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

The outside door to the motel room opened and Alexis came in, dressed in her running clothes.

“I’ve just about had it with Mom and Dad,” David said.

She pulled out her ear buds. “What?”

“I said I’ve just about had it with Mom and Dad.”

“Why?”

“Hey, can you help me at the store today? I have a list of things to do that’s like a mile long and I really don’t know if I can do it all by myself.”

Alexis put on a wincing expression. “I need to study, actually.”

“It’s Saturday morning; you can’t need to study that badly.”

“I have a history test on Monday, David,” she insisted, flipping her ponytail. “But fine, I can help you. I’m not carrying any heavy boxes, though.”

“Ugh, fine.” He watched Alexis as she went over and set her phone and ear buds down on the table between their beds, then pulled her ponytail holder out and shook out her hair. “Are you done in the bathroom? Because I need to shower,” she said, moving over to the closet to pick an outfit.

“Yeah, I’m…” Something was bothering him, like he’d forgotten to tell Alexis something. He felt a sudden, keen worry for her in the pit of his stomach, like when she used to send word to him from a sultan’s palace that she needed a new passport, a wig, and some colored contact lenses.

Alexis turned, a dress on a hanger in one hand. “You’re what?”

David shook himself. “I’m done in the bathroom.” Looking at her face, the sudden urge to cry took hold of him. “I think I might need a hug?”

“Ew, David. I’m sweaty right now,” Alexis said. “What’s wrong with you?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know, I feel…” He couldn’t articulate it. “I think I might just be really lonely,” he said, which didn’t have anything to do with the anxiety about Alexis that had grabbed hold of his throat a minute ago, but it also wasn’t untrue.

Alexis laid her dress on the bed and came over to give him a very hesitant hug, but David overruled her, pulling her into a firmer embrace. “I’m glad you’re my sister,” he said, swallowing against a lump in his throat.

“David, you’re being very needy,” she said, slapping gently at his shoulder until he let her go. “But I’m also glad… that you’re my brother,” she said, pulling away and looking anywhere but at his face. “Okay, if you want my help today, then you have to let me go get ready.”

He watched her until she shut the bathroom door.

~*~

Gwen was late to Jazzagals rehearsal, and so when she arrived and ducked in behind Twyla and next to Ronnie, vocal warm-ups were just ending.

“Now,” Moira Rose said, clapping her hands. She had on a white-and-black vertically striped dress, similarly striped tights, and white shoes with heels so high, Gwen couldn’t imagine how anyone could walk in them without snapping an ankle. “Everyone please get out your sheet music for ‘It’s Raining Men’; I’d like to begin with the bridge today.”

Gwen tapped Twyla on the shoulder. “Do you have a minute to talk after rehearsal?” she whispered.

Twyla winced. “I have to get to my shift after this; can we talk on the way to the café?”

Moira shot them a disparaging glance for whispering during rehearsal, and so Gwen quickly found her place in the music and began to sing.

It had started with dreams, several weeks ago, that she was living out on the street in a strange city. She would wake up shivering, convinced that the cold and damp was sinking into her bones and freezing her from the inside out, only to awake to find herself safe in her warm bed with Bob. Dream after dream, the same — cold winters and rain and homeless shelters or the unforgiving sidewalk for a bed. Then she began to dream that she was chasing after David Rose, of all people — she didn’t think she’d ever exchanged two words with the man in all of the time that the Roses had lived in Schitt’s Creek, and yet he was plaguing her dreams. Either him, or another man that she didn’t recognize.

She’d been documenting the dreams on the message boards from the very start — all of them were encouraged to do that. Dreams could be powerful portents for what was to come, particularly for people who lived at weak points like Gwen did, and a lot of her fellow technopagans had much to say on the reason for these dreams, none of it useful. Until yesterday.

The rehearsal dragged by, Moira’s exacting standards and occasionally thoughtless comments bringing out a few passive aggressive mutterings from Jocelyn. Finally, it ended, and Gwen made the usual pleasantries with her fellow townswomen for a few minutes before hurrying to follow Twyla out the door.

“Sorry to bother you, Twyla, but I wanted to talk to you about your grandmother,” Gwen said.

“Oh yeah?” Twyla flashed her an easy smile. “What about her?”

“The stories around town were that she had powers.” Gwen glanced around to make sure no one was close enough to hear them. “That she understood what Schitt’s Creek is and how to exploit it.”

Twyla looked at her, surprised. “Yeah, there were always stories, but I’m not sure how true any of them are. She certainly believed she had powers to touch other dimensions. Which, I know, sounds crazy.”

“Not so crazy.” They were almost to the café, and Gwen knew she had a limited amount of time with which to speak before she risked being overheard. She put a hand on Twyla’s upper arm and stopped her. “We can’t feel it, but people with powers that greatly exceed my own have confirmed it — there was a huge shift in the timeline a couple of years ago. No one knows why, or how, but they believe that the universe was almost headed down a very dark path and that someone set it right.”

Twlya’s eyes were as big as saucers. “Really?”

Gwen nodded. “Or, almost right. It was a patch job, that was the way my coven— er, someone I know on the internet described it. So some things are still out of place. Some threads were dropped. People have been working to set them right, no matter how trivial they might seem. And now it seems I’ve found another dropped thread.”

“What is it?” Twyla asked in a hushed tone.

“Someone who is supposed to be here in Schitt’s Creek, but isn’t.”

“Who?”

“Don’t worry about that,” Gwen said, not wanting to get into more detail. “When you get off work, can you bring me everything you have that belonged to your grandmother? Letters, diaries, anything like that?”

Twyla nodded. “Of course. I have a box of her stuff, although I don’t remember what’s in it, exactly.”

“Perfect. Go, get to work before you’re late,” Gwen said, indicating the café. “And Twyla? Don’t tell anyone we talked about this.”

Twyla frowned, and then wiped the frown from her face and replaced it with a smile. “No problem, Gwen.”

~*~

“What’s this?” Alexis said, picking up a large white envelope from the counter.

David glanced up. “Oh, it’s got my business license in it. I guess I’m suppose to… display it?” He looked up at the wall behind where the cash register was going to go. “I don’t know, I don’t really have time to think about it.” He went into the back to get another heavy box of hand cream to have Alexis put the labels on for him so that he could focus on setting up the cases where the fresh vegetables were going to go when they were in season.

They worked all day, or David worked all day while Alexis intermittently worked and sampled products that weren’t really samples while David restrained himself from slapping them out of her hands. Stevie stopped by after her shift at the motel, and although her goal in coming by was to drink with him, David managed to press her into service as well, putting bottles of body milk onto the shelves. Alexis took that as her cue to leave, flouncing out the door and heading over to the café.

“Can you drink this?” Stevie asked, holding up one of the bottles.

“It’s liquid moisturizer,” David replied with an eye roll.

“It says milk, though.”

The bell on the door rang again, and David looked up to see Ray Butani coming in.

“David, I looked over your business plan,” he said without any preamble, “and I have some concerns.”

Stevie gave David a questioning look.

“Ray is helping me with some of the business stuff,” David explained.

“For a nominal fee,” Ray said quickly, like he didn’t want any rumors to get around town that he was doing work for anyone for free. “Anyway, David, while I think eventually you’ll have enough money coming in to sustain you, I don’t think you have enough start up money to get you through the first year.”

David’s heart sank. “But I’m not buying the products, I’m selling them on consignment—”

“No, I know that, David, that’s the reason that I’m not coming in here and saying your business is going to fail. Which I would do if you weren’t selling on consignment.” Ray smiled at him, and David recoiled at the Ray’s toothy grin. “But there are still start up costs that you have to deal with while you’re building the business.”

“So where do I get this start up money?” David asked.

“I don’t know!” Ray cooed cheerfully. “But that’s my assessment. I wrote it all up for you,” he said, handing David a folder. “I’ve got to run; I’ve got a date.” Ray turned to leave, and then stooped and picked something up from the floor. “You dropped this,” Ray said, handing David a small card.

“Must have fallen out of one of the boxes,” David said, slipping it in his pocket since he didn’t have a trash can handy.

“See you later!” Before David could say anything else, Ray had gone again.

“Well, fuck,” David said. “My business is going to fail.”

“He specifically said he wasn’t saying it was going to fail,” Stevie said.

“But he also said I needed more start up money, which is basically the same thing,” David set the folder down and shook his hands out, feeling his heart starting to race. “I don’t have more money.”

“Okay, you’re freaking out.” She set her bottle of body milk down and pulled something out of her pocket and held it up. “I found this under the bed in room two this morning, so do you want to take a break and share it with me?”

David winced, looking at the joint in Stevie’s hand. “That’s disgusting. And yes. Yes, I do.”

~*~

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” David murmured, tipping his chair back and letting his head recline to look at the ceiling. The store had a really nice ceiling, but no one was going to look at it, probably. What a waste.

“You do know what you’re doing,” Stevie said from the floor. “You’ve walked me through it a million times.”

“I know what I’m doing with the whole…” He gestured around at the store. “I don’t know what I’m doing with the money.”

Stevie propped herself up on an elbow and held out her hand, snapping her fingers until he handed her the mostly smoked joint. “Well, don’t ask me to help you with that. I don’t do math.”

“You’re useless.”

“And your stained glass back there looks like they have dicks on them,” Stevie said, pointing at the decorative hangings on the back wall.

“That’s why I like them.”

Stevie inhaled a long drag and handed the joint back, lying flat on the floor again. “You need a partner.”

“I should start with a first date, maybe,” David said.

Laughing, Stevie rolled over onto her stomach. “Not that kind of partner, you complete idiot. A business partner.”

“Oh, a business partner. Okay, well where am I going to find that here?” David slid down off of his chair onto the floor next to Stevie. The ceiling really was beautiful. Not like the ceiling at the motel that he’d been staring at for years, water-stained and horribly textured. Maybe he could just sleep here. He could live in the store, amongst his perfectly ordered bottles of facial cleanser and lotions and baggies of tea until they hauled him away for not paying his taxes or not making the lease payments on the store. One of the hundred financial things that he was guaranteed to screw up because his parents hadn’t prepared him for any of this.

Stevie reached over and threaded their fingers together. David was touch-starved, and it felt good to hold his friend’s hand. “I wish I knew. I really want you to succeed at this.”

He snorted. “You get so sincere when you’re high.”

“Take that back.”

They lay there in silence for a while, and then Stevie let go of his hand and reached for his pocket.

“What are you doing?” David asked.

“There’s something falling out of your pocket.” Her hand withdrew, and she was holding a card up to her face. “Who’s Patrick Brewer?”

David was watching the way the sunlight played over the bottles of toner. It was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen. Belatedly, he registered that Stevie had asked him a question. “Who’s what?”

She was clumsily waving the business card in his face now, risking a paper cut on the bridge of his nose, so he snatched the card. “This business card from your pocket. Patrick Brewer. Who’s that?”

“I don’t know, Ray picked this up off the floor earlier. It’s not mine; it must have fallen out of one of the boxes.” He squinted at the business card.

Patrick Brewer, B.B.A. Freelance Business Consultant

“Huh.”

Stevie grabbed the card back. “It’s a card for a business guy.”

“That’s kind of spooky, given what we were just talking about,” David said.

“You should call him!” Stevie said.

“What, and ask him to come work for my failing business?”

She rolled her eyes and struggled up into a sitting position. “No, but it says business consultant. Maybe he’d give you better advice than Ray.”

David didn’t say anything to that, and after a few seconds Stevie shoved on his shoulder and put the business card on his chest. “Call him.”

Closing his eyes, David sighed. “Maybe later.”

“No, I know you — you say ‘later’ but you won’t do it. Call him right now.” Stevie tapped on the card and on his sternum underneath it. “I’m not leaving until you call him.”

With a groan, David sat up, grabbing for the card as it fluttered into his lap and pulling his phone out of his pocket with the other hand. “Fine.” It took longer than it probably should have for him to remember how to dial a number on his phone, and then longer still to squint at the small numbers and type them in correctly, but he finally managed it. He listened to distant ringing, followed by a nice voice saying he’d reached Patrick Brewer and to leave a message. It was a short, no-nonsense message. No frills. Unremarkable. Still, the brief sound of that voice made his heart race.

“Hi David, it’s Patrick,” he said at the beep, and then immediately winced while Stevie laughed silently at him. “I found your card… your business card… in my store, and I was wondering if you… umm… no. I think I called you David, and that’s not your name. I’m David… David Rose, and I own a store that… well, we sell local products and crafts, and I was wondering if you’d be interested in consulting with me. For me. Okay. Ciao.” He pressed the button to end the call. “Ciao. I said ‘Ciao’ to that person.”

“Masterful,” Stevie said, standing up.

“You’re the one who made me call when I was high.” He was staring at his phone again. “I forgot to tell him where the store is. And I didn’t explain it well enough.”

Stevie grabbed her messenger bag and threw it over her shoulder. “Well, better call back and leave another message,” she said as she headed toward the door. “I’m gonna go home and crash. See you tomorrow?”

David waved absently at her, pressing the button to call Patrick Brewer and leave another message.

~*~

“Well?” Twyla said as she put Stevie’s ticket for her takeout on the order wheel.

“It worked. I had to slave over containers of hand cream for a couple of hours and smoke half a joint, but I finally managed to get him to do it,” Stevie said, her head starting to ache as she sobered up. “Now are you going to explain why it was so important that David call that guy? And why I had to be so sneaky about it?”

Twyla gave her a cheerful shrug as she wiped down the counter. “I’m not sure I understand it either, and I’m pretty sure Gwen wouldn’t tell me if I asked. It’s just… important for David. And for Schitt’s Creek. That’s all I know.”

Stevie shook her head. “And they call me the creepy one in this town.”

Chapter 16

[myblueeyedbuggers]

My Boys

Chapter 12

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11  Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Pairings: Steve Rogers X Reader (Best Friend) Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 2420

Warnings: Slight bit of swearing

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change.

Eyup My loves! Soo How’s your week been? Good I hope, so a bit of news for you all, there’s only  two/three more chapters left till this book is finished and then we’ll be moving onto (Drum roll) The First Avenger! Woooo! I hope you’re all as excited as I am. Anyways without anymore rambling, I give you chapter 12, enjoy!

So I can safely say that the rest of the week passed pretty quickly, with only a few ‘minor’ incidents, one of em being a massive food fight caused by yours truly and Steve getting himself stuck in the basement for 2 hours after seeing, and I quote ‘a possessed girl dressed as undead batman’.

I still haven’t told him that was me….oops

Apart from that it was pretty normal, cut to today where I’ve been blessed with the task of lookin’ after my best girl for Buck’s parents anniversary whilst they go into the city to celebrate, I mean it’s the least I could do for em. Plus, the last time the lads were trusted with lookin’ after Becca, Buck’s parents came home to the entire house covered in flour with Becca laughin’ at em cause they managed to lock themselves in a cupboard. We had to call the fire department to get em outta there.

Anyways, we kicked the boys outta the house so Becca and I could have a girls day in, now don’t get me wrong I absolutely adore this girl and I would practically do anything for her.

“Y/n can we play princesses please?! Mama got some dresses from our cousin we can wear!”

I can literally feel my soul burning right now. I honestly tried to say no, there’s nothing more I hate more that being forced into them things but one look into her bright little eyes made all my resistance die away and so I uttered the words that sealed my doom. “Of course, Becs only if we can have a tea party in em”. So here we are, me in a navy style party dress, lace covered my arms and the hem of the sweetheart neckline resting just on my collarbone,  the knee length satin skirt covered my legs.

Honestly, I wasn’t as bad I thought it were gonna be, I even let my hair outta the classic ponytail it’s always in so Becca could style it a tiny bit, to her credit she did a decent job. My h/c locks fell in small waves across my back, with the longer strands near my face tucked behind my ears and Becs even convinced me to pop on some of her mama’s makeup. Now I ain’t a fool, I know makeup’s pretty expensive and only let her pop on a shimmery light gold eyeshadow and some tinted lip balm, much to her disappointment I confiscated the mascara, I refused to let that death stick near my eyeballs.

Becca looked absolutely adorable, we’d managed to find her dance dress from last year and it suited her down to the ground. Baby pink lace covered her arms up to her wrist, the middle part had little gems dotted here and there with a pink satin ribbon separating the skirt from the top, from the looks of it the skirt was made outta some layered netting that poofed outwards when she span around. Don’t ask me how but I managed to wrap some ribbons in her braids and added a lil tiara on the top of her head and if you’d asked me, she looked like a real-life princess to me.

“So, your highness, what would one prefer to do? Would one like to have tea in the parlour or waltz in the ballroom?” my attempt at the British accent was apparently appalling, judging by the level of giggles coming outs Becca’s mouth. Eventually she calmed down enough to give me an answer “I think a waltz would be most fun lady y/n” she said in an equally bad accent. Slowly a smile spread across my face as I moved over to the record payer, I didn’t even pay attention to which one I put on before I turned back to Becca and offered her my hand, lowering myself into a bow that looked like a squid tryin’ to tap dance. Very elegant I know.  

You’d think after the past few weeks I’d been with the Barnes family, I’da got used to being tackled by the siblings, but alas I am surprised every-time, hence why I’m on the floor with a hyperactive 4 year old sat on top of me. Becca’s giggles filled the entire room, she quickly got off me and started jumping around to the sound of the jumpin’ jive and leaving me to slowly die on the floor, for all of 5 seconds before she yanked my arm outta my socket to get me dancing with her. I swear this girl isn’t even human, one second she’s sweet and delicate the next she’s bulldozing people to the ground and pullin’ em to the next life, I mean she’s 4 she shouldn’t be that strong!

Thank the lord she’s adorable. Quickly the music took over my mind, my feet moving along to the music, Becca was doin’ some twirls around me with the biggest smile on her face, I don’t know what made me do it but I grabbed her gently by the waist and spun us around in time to the music, her little arms reached into the air as we both laughed our heads off. Of course, me being me, I lost my balance and my butt suddenly met the sofa, with Becca landing next to me with a small yelp, it was quiet for all of 2 seconds before we burst out laughin’. Think it took us about 3 minutes before we calmed down, a comfortable silence fell between us, the music slowly faded to a stop as the record reached its end, and we stayed like this for a while before Becca broke the silence.

“Y/n, can you sing like mama? She don’t do it often cause it reminds her of my nana….” My eyes drifted over to Becs, her lil eyes dulled a little when she said it and now they were filled with a small glimmer of hope, and I really didn’t wanna be the reason for that light goin’ out. If I were being completely honest singin’ wasn’t something I ever wanted to do again, during my time with the Црни лабуд, singing was the only thing that made me feel like….well me I guess. It was the only sliver of light in so many years of darkness and once I was free from them I made myself a silent vow that I’d never do it again, that I was a new person. But one look in her little eyes was enough to make me break it. “I ain’t too bad, only know a couple of songs on the piano but I can try if you wanna”

Apparently Becca didn’t need to be told twice, in a flash of pink she was off to the other room, bellowing for me to follow her, I mean it ain’t like I gotta choice in the matter is it ? the sound of something hitting the floor in the room opposite me made me move even quicker (if that were even possible). Becca was stood in front of a oldish looking piano, a small bench was tuned over in front of her, and a white sheet was discarded on the floor next to her as she bounced up and down excitedly, I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I turned the bench over on it’s feet. Not even 2 seconds later Becca clambered up on it and looked at me with a bright smile, I swear she gets cuter every second like how does this happen ? I try it and I end up put away in a mental asylum.

“You got any requests princess ?” my legs carried me across the room and towards the seat, cracking my knuckles together and stretching out my fingers before turning to look at the younger lass, a look of concentration covered her face in response and it took her a few seconds to answer. “Dream a little dream of me ? think that’s what mama calls it” I swear I tried to stop the soft smile, but I really couldn’t help it this time. “sure sweetheart” and with that I hit the opening notes, the feeling of the keys under my fingertips were so familiar it was like no time had passed since I last played, I kept my voice soft and quiet as I sang. I think I was halfway through my second verse when I felt Becca cuddle into my side, she ducked her head under my arm and put her head in my lap, a soft yawn left her mouth as her eyes started to close to the sound of the music. It was at the end of the song that I looked at her again, soft snores escaped her mouth and her hand was grasping gently at the top of my skirt, I felt my heart melt even more that I thought possible, completely unaware of the small audience I’d gathered until a small cough came from behind me.

Aw shit…..

Bucky’s POV

If you’d told me a year ago, that after spending a couple of hours at Coney island with my best mate I’d come home to what must be an angels voice singing my sister to sleep. I’da never of believed ya, think you coulda imagined our confusion when me and Steve heard piano coming from the dining room. Steve shot me a look of pure bewilderment, and I couldn’t blame the guy to be honest, “thought you’d said your mama gave up piano couple a years ago”. I’m guessing my face mirrored his, cause I ain’t the slightest clue either, mama stopped playin’ years ago so who the heck could it be? “yeah she did bud, swore she’d never set her hands on it again…..”. I’m completely and utterly baffled at this point, where’s Y/n when ya need her ? she’d figure this out.

We both took a step towards the closed door, eager to know what the hell was going on when something stopped me, the sweetest sound I’d ever heard in my life sang along with the melody, I coulda sworn it sounded like the lullaby mama sang to us when we were kids. I guess I spent too long listening cause Stevie boy pushed past me and walked in, the sounds were so much clearer and more vibrant it felt like I’d died and gone to heaven right then and there. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I realised just who was creating this beautiful sound, there she was, sat in front of the piano as her fingers danced gracefully across the keys. Her voice, oh god her voice sounded like that of an angel, the weak afternoon sun shone over her hair and made her look even more angelic than humanly possible. I barely even noticed Becca asleep in her lap before Y/n finished her song and the ever-living pain in my ass decided to reveal that we were there. I mean he coulda chosen any other way of revealing our presence but no he had to let out the tiniest little cough, coulda got her back for the eyebrow incident….

Y/n literally went stiff as a board before she turned to look at us, her cheeks were red as a rose and a sheepish smile covered her face, it was only a couple of seconds after that both Steve and I noticed what she was wearing, he burst out laughin at her but me, I for once in my life couldn’t say a damn thing. She looked absolutely breath taking, her hair fell down in soft waves and framed her face, the shade of blue in her dress brought out the small flecks of green in her e/c eyes and brought out her hourglass figure. Her lips were drawn into a natural pout and it was that second it dawned on me she asked me somethin’….shit.  

“whaaaa…….” Nice one Bucky.

Steve, the lil punk, could barely stop himself laughin’, at some point he’d moved to take Becca off Y/n and stood behind y/n with his fist in his mouth to smother his laughter. My best friend ladies and gentlemen. If looks could kill he’d be 10 feet under right now.

“Buck ? I was askin’ if you were okay ?” Y/n’s face showed a tiny bit of confusion and much to my horror amusement, “YeAh I’m okay….” And just at the moment puberty strikes in the form of a voice crack, as if this weren’t embarrassing enough. At this point Steve was barely keeping it together, he had actual tears coming outta his eyes and went bright red in the face tryin’ to stop himsen laughing, in front of me y/n furrowed her eyebrows and did look genuinely concerned for my mental state. She didn’t say anything for a few seconds, just looked at me before she lifted her hand to my forehead and held it here for a minute, thank god Steve chose to leave the room before this or I’da never heard the end of it.

“You sure you’re okay, feelin’ a bit warm and ya actin weirder than usual Buck” okay quick say something before this gets even more embarrassing, first thing that pops into ya head in 3,2,1…

“Yeah I’m sure, think I ate somethin’ funky down at the pier, makin’ me real gassy”……why am I like this? Normally I can charm any girl of their feet but with y/n, I’ma bumbling mess.  She didn’t say a damn word, she just raised her eyebrows whilst a small smirk covered her face, before she turned and left me to have a very small breakdown underneath the dining table.

Meaning I let out a noise that sounded like a bear stubbing it’s toe in the middle of winter.

I thought my luck couldn’t get any worse, but nooo old lady luck decided today I needed a second helping, cause the second I did that Y/n walked back into the room. Brilliant. I was too busy stumbling over my words to processes what she was doin’, before I knew it she’d walked back to me and stood on her tip toes….then planted a small kiss on my cheek.

“You’re cute when you’re flustered Barnes”

And just like that, she left me with my jaw on the ground and heart beatin’ outta my chest, cause I’m starting to think that she was right. I’m sure as hell coming down with something, and I’m pretty sure it ain’t a regular ol’ bug…..

SOOO, if you got this far hope you enjoyed it, as always any feed back or constructive criticism is welcome, thank so much for reading and hope you have a great day/night/week.

lots of love

Rose xxx

[deathtotheangels]

For the “Ask Me Things” ask, I order you to do all of them

ASK ME THINGS

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Good morning!

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

We’re about to go grocery shopping

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depends on the drugs.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

No

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Of Course.

7. What does your last received text say?

Bog mood.

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Over a million?

9. Where was your last kiss at?

In bed.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I don’t have a sister.

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Coffee.

12. Where did you sleep last night?

In my bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

They can be.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Yes tf I would.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

Absolutely not.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Rainy.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Yes.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Sweatpants.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

I sure fucking hope so lmao

20. Does anyone like you?

Yes.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

No.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Yes.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

YES.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Since I have two, yes?

25. In the past week have you cried?

Yes.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

English Bull Terrier.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Out of the shower.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Yes.

29. Do you think you’re old?

No.

30. Do you like text messaging?

Yes.

31. What type of day are you having?

An average day?

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

No.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Warm.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

I guess so.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

Relationship. Flings suck.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I’d like to think I’m pretty simple.

37. What song are you listening to?

We looked like lighting by the wonder years.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Yes.39. Is there a person that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Em knows everything about me. 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

Honestly a dorky drawing of Castiel.41. When did you last receive a text message?

Like, 10 minutes ago.42. What is wrong with you right now?

I’m ungodly tired all of the time.43. How well do you know the last person you texted?

Pretty well.44. Does anyone disgust you?

Ofc.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

I’m already engaged to someone. 46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Not really. But I’m not in a bad mood?47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

Em.48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Light Blue.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

Lmao someone told me I didn’t get a job that I interviewed for so yeah.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Not yet.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

No.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

Oh yeah buddy.53. Do you like rain?

Yes.54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

I don’t care. 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Ofc. All of highschool?56. Do you like to cuddle?

FUCK YEAH I DO.57. Are you shy?

Kind of. 58. Do you get along with girls?

I’d sure hope so.59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

Currently.60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone, my wallet, my cigarettes, my lighter. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

OH FUCK YEAH BUD.62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years.63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

^^^ I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years.

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

Boy howdy I do.65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

Yes. Christmas was cute.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

23, 22, 21.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

Neither.68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?   

Neither. 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

I have an Ithaca is gorges sticker on my car that a friend of mine got me!70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Lil Wayne.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

I’m an iPhone bitch.72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Like. 5 years ago?73. Do you like diet soda? 

Nah.    74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Horrible beige.75. Are you 16 or older?    

I am 23. 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

No.77. Do you have a job?    

NOT YET DON’T RUB IT IN. 78. What are your initials?    

NES like the video game console!79. Did you ever have braces?    

I was literally just talking about it. Yes. 80. Are you from the south?    

No, but I did live in NC for 18 months.

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

It’s pictures of my animals from christmas.82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

Yes. Occasionally.83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

My dad.84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

No.85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Rocky Horror?86. Do you smoke?    

Yes.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

Flip flops.88. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yes.89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

straight.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?  

Yeeee.  91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? 

A river.   92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

Yo ofc I have.93. …Had sex in a car?    

Yee YEe94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

In a relationship. 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?   

Laying in bed playing a game. 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

A long time.97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  

Kinda.  98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

Lmao yeah. Don’t do it kids. 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

I don't think so??? I’ve come close tho???100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? 

No.    101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?  

No.  102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

None of them?103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

No. I wish lmao.104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

Nope. Never. Thanks. 

Thanks for asking me these awesome questions!

[glowstickia]

Rules: Answer 21 questions then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

Tagged by @kineticallyanywhere

1. Nickname: Glow

2. Zodiac: ARIES

3. Height: 5′6′’

4. Last movie I watched: Thor: Ragnarok w/ a couple of buds :3 WAIT SHIT IT WAS SKY-HIGH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THAT I was just chilling on my couch the other night and it was fuckin on tv shit I can’t believe I forgot 

5. Last thing I googled: something about Hogwarts Mystery because I’ve been obsessed with that game app yea

6. Favorite musician: Aviators, Poets of the Fall, Imagine Dragons, Amarante, Rise Against, uuuuh....I just fuckin love music? There is deffo more but like...I usually just like a single song ahha

7. Song stuck in my head: Well yesterday it was Square Hammer by Ghost; today its fuckin My Hallelujah by Autoheart

8. Other blogs: I HAVE MANY @tazglow (my taz blog); @eightfoldslibrary (paranatural fic archiving blog) @magicandmetal (my world build blog) @writingthyhandoff (just a blog about writing and junk) and then a few others

9. Do I get asks: Rarely. Very rarely

10. Blogs following: 136

11. Amount of sleep: .....6?

12. Lucky number: 4 & 9 ....birthdaaaay

13. What I’m wearing: pjs its like a t-shirt with ben & jerry’s ice cream and then plaid purple/white/blue pants

14. Dream job: I...uh don’t really know? I mean I love my job (even tho ho boy it drains me) but like....I wanna be a writer? like write a cool novel a lot of people talk about? yeah...that’d be nice

15. Dream trip: Well...I really fuckin wanna go to Ireland, Scotland, and Iceland. Just like....super bad. Those places are so pretty man (also Iceland...I just...wanna stand on two continental plates at the same time and say that I’ve done that lol bucket list) HOWEVER I just...would love to go on a road trip to like...idk that cool park in Utah with a couple buds. I REALLY need to like work on how I am during car trips but ye

16. Favorite food: 

SOUP

17. Play any instruments: I used to play the piano. Learned how to read music through it. I also sing because your voice is technically an instrument HAHA

18. Languages: English....also VEEEEERY little French. Took it in high school and redid it in College. Duo Lingo can fight me

19. Favorite songs: I have like a playlist where I just have 1 song on repeat and if I wanna switch that song with another one...i go to the next one on the list lol

Repeat Time <- songs I regularly listen to on repeat

20. Random fact: My mom used me to cheat the reading system for my sisters growing up haha. My sisters both HATE reading. I’d constantly have my nose in a book...hell I remember reading some Charles Dickens books when I was like...8 or 9? (I wanted to be like Matilda and there was a summer read-a-thon at the library for like free pizza from pizza hut...ya girl got some pizza man) ANYWAYS, in school there were these like reading tests kids had to take and only certain books were like in the system...I can’t remember how many books you had to like do in order to pass or whatever but like I DO remember not wanting “to take the easy route” and just fuckin...do a whole bunch of tests about A Series of Unfortunate Events. Cause I had already read like 8 of them and like “no mom I wanna test on different books!” wait im getting sidetracked

SO LIKE...back to my sisters. One of them doesn't comprehend written words all that well and middle sis just...doesnt find books interesting (I still think she might be a little dyslexic). Cue my mom going to me at like 7pm the night before a paper for my sister is due and asking me “So, tell me the plot of [title of book]. Your sister needs to write a paper on it.” Which boiled down to my mom and I writing said paper so my sister can keep her grades up. I was also asked like...what the answers for those reading tests were and YEAH that’s the story of how my mom used me to cheat the reading system.

21. Describe yourself as aesthetic things: wrapped in the softest blanket of all existence surrounded by open half used and empty journals. Two cats are laying next to each other curling together for warmth as they purr quietly. A microwave beeps at you. Its soup time.

I tag: @saintdeanthomas, @luke-fone-fabre, @thestarjar, @gentlydetecting, @allislaughter, and um...fuck 21 is a lot so IF YOU SEE THIS AND YOU WANNA DO IT @ ME WHEN YOU DO KAY? I TAG YA!

[a-smol-gayologist]

Why not?

85 questions tag game

rules: answer these 85 questions about yourself and then tag 20 people

Got tagged by @xosimpson

last?

1. drink: Water

2. phone call: Vova

3. text message: Like actual text message or any platform? Last text was to a client at work but last person I message was to my bud, Meghan on snap.

4. song you listened to: This ain't no place for no hero by The Heavy

5. time you cried: Last night? Or maybe even this morning? Either way it lasted like 10 seconds.

ever?

6. dated someone twice: No

7. kissed someone and regretted it: Nah

8. been cheated on: No?

9. lost someone special: Oh yeah...

10. gotten drunk and thrown up: Mhm

fave colors?

11. Blue

12. Purple

13. Green

in the last year have you?

14. made new friends: Yes

15. fallen out of love: Uhhh... yes and no?

16. laughed until you cried: Yes 😂

17. found out someone was talking about you: No?

18. met someone who changed you: Mhm

19. found out who your friends are: Yeah

20. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: Nope

general

21. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Like 99% of them

22. do you have any pets: Mhm!

23. do you want to change your name: Nah but I used to

24. what did you do for your last birthday: Cried lol

25. what time did you wake up today: 9am

26. what were you doing last night at midnight:  Probably watching Awful Squad

27. what is something you can’t wait for: To get over this for good. On a happier note? Maybe the tattoo I've been thinking about for nearly 10 years

28. what are you listening to right now: The sound of my fan

29. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yep

30. something that gets on your nerves: What to pick... People going under the speed limit

31.most visited website: Tumblr and my work schedule

32. hair color: Brown

33. long or short hair: Mediumish

34. what do you like about yourself: Eyes and hair

35. want any piercings: More on my ears (@xosimpson actually the same ones you said)

36. blood type: I don't recall

37. nicknames: T-Leigh (only my mom is ever allowed to call me that) and Tawa (by my sister). I don't think I have any others

38. relationship status: Permanently single (it would seem... I may as well be a nun)

39. zodiac sign: Cancer

40. pronouns: She/her

41. fave tv show: Uhhh... Brooklyn nine-nine and Steven Universe

42. tattoos: None and it sucks!

43. right or left handed: Right

44. every had surgery: Wisdom teeth, had some baby teeth pulled, and I had a piece of copper removed from one eye when I was like four

45. piercings: Stretched lobes 0g

46. sports: Played basketball and like watching football

47. vacation: Yes please? Send me back to Hawaii

48. trainers: Ahnu

49. eating: Nothing but the last thing was white cheddar rice cakes

50. drinking: Water

51. i’m about to watch: Some shit on Instagram. Just finished watching an ep. of Awful Squad

52. waiting for: No looking stupid for being interested in someone for once. First thing that came to mind... otherwise I have no idea

53. want:  My buddy to be okay

54. get married: Sure, if I ever find the right gal

55. career: Researcher in either conservation or developmental ecology

56. hugs or kisses: Kisses but hugs are good too

57. lips or eyes: Ugh... I like them both! Maybe lips a little more

58. shorter or taller: Preferably shorter (it's a hard thing to ask for)

59. older or younger: Preferably a little younger or same age

60. nice arms or stomach: What ever. Toned stomachs drive me wild though

61. hookup or relationship: Relationship (I don't do hookups, period)

62. troublemaker or hesitant: So many factors. Hesitantly wants to be a bit more wild.

have you ever?

63. kissed a stranger: Nope

64. drank hard liquor: Yes

65. lost glasses: Nah

66. turned someone down: Yes?

67. sex on first date: No

68. broken someone’s heart: No?

69. had your heart broken: Ugh yes

70. been arrested: Nope

71. cried when someone died: Yeah...

72. fallen for a friend: Don't think so. I mean I think I should always be friends with my partner but I have never had a platonic friend that I've later fallen for

do you believe in?

73. yourself: Not really

74. miracles: No

75. love at first sight: No

76. kiss on the first date: Depends

77. angels: No

other?

78. best friend’s name: I can't pick one name... Meghan, Chelsea, and Vova

79. eye color: Blue

80. fave movie: The Fifth Element (shut up, okay?)

81. favorite actor: Don't have one

82. favorite food: Chinese, Japanese, and Mexican. I admit... mostly Americanized

83. extrovert or introvert: Introvert

84. favorite flower: Sunflower

85. favorite hello kitty characters: Was never a fan

Oh geez... I never like tagging people like this. Uhhh...

I tag:

@meghanpauline @fuckit-keepgoin @lifecomforts @im-not-going--anywhere I guess? Or who ever 🤷‍♀️

[stardust-walker]

High Hopes: Chapter 18

Previous Chapters:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

word count: 3506

A/N: It’s a mental breakdown *sad off-tune kazoo music*

________________________________________________________

Dove left the area by the little pond feeling more at peace that she had in a while. It seemed like seeing the big bush of Cherokee Roses had lightened Carol's spirits a little bit too as they walked along together. "He really thinks we're gonna find her," Carol whispered as she watched Daryl's back retreating towards the camp ahead of them.

"I guess so. He apologized and everything," Dove shook her head in amazement. "We sure that he didn't get brain damage from that gunshot? He's been acting all nice and shit today. It's weird."

Carol rolled her eyes, "Don't jinx it." Dove let out a short laugh.

"What the hell are they still doin here," Daryl said quietly and drew the attention of the two women forward again. Dove squinted as she saw Andrea walking towards the house. Did they find her?

"Rick's with Hershel, we were supposed to leave a few hours ago," Dove heard Andrea say as they picked up the pace to keep up with Daryl.

"Yeah you were," Daryl called as he announced their arrival. "What the hell you still doin here?"

Carol stepped up beside the redneck as Dove tried to keep her distance from the blonde woman. "Rick told us he was going out," she directed her question towards Andrea.

"Damn it, isn't anyone taking this seriously? We got us a damn trail," Daryl snapped.

"If no one else is taking this seriously, then we'll just go since we're apparently the only ones taking this seriously," Dove jumped in with a sideways glance towards Andrea.

"No, you're not," Carol spoke up again and any retort that her younger sister had was lost as Daryl cut in.

"Here we go," he spoke as he walked past the two women. Everyone's attention was drawn to the figure approaching. It was Shane, Dove noticed. Her eyes quickly locked onto the bag filled with guns. Her heart leapt into her throat as she reached out for her sister. Carol gripped her sister's hand in hers as Shane handed a gun to Daryl.

Dove didn't miss the worried and confused look on Daryl's face as he walked towards them with the others.

"Where's Dale," Andrea inquired.

"Thought we couldn't carry," T-Dog asked.

"He's on his way, and we can and we have to," Shane answered as he turned and held a handgun out to Dove. "C'mon. You with us?"

Dove's eyes flickered quickly from the gun to her sister and then quickly over Shane's shoulder. Her hazel eyes locked with Daryl's blue ones as he seemed to await her response. Dove stood up a little straighter, her grip on Carol's hand tightened. "You know I'm with the group no matter what. But not with this. I won't be a part of it." Shane scoffed and turned his attention to Glenn.

"What about you man, gonna protect yours?" Dove was surprised to see Glenn take the rifle. "Can you shoot?" Shane questioned Maggie.

"Can you stop," Maggie snapped.

The door to the house swung open as Julian stepped onto the porch. "What the hell is going on out here," his brown eyes were wide in confusion as he took in the sight before him. Why the hell did they have all those guns.

"What about you, bud? You seemed ready to defend your home when you wanted gun training. You gonna man up," Shane held a gun out to him.

Julian's eyes narrowed slightly as he descended the steps to stand next to the oldest Greene sister. "You might wanna rethink the decision you're making here," Julian shook his head.

"You do this and my dad will make you leave tonight," Maggie attempted to reason with him.

"What is this," Lori approached finally from around the porch.

Dove's eyes shot to the older brunette. If there was a way to silently communicate to Lori that she needed to try and talk him down, she would be doing it right now. "Hershel's just gotta understand. We're not going anywhere. Okay? He's gonna have to. Now we need to find Sophia. Am I right?"

Dove snarled, "Don't even try to make this about her! That's not what this is about."

Lori took that chance to step in. "Rick said no guns! This is not your decision, this is not your call." Dove closed her eyes as she tried to take a deep breath. Her chest felt tight again, but it seemed like today wouldn't stop as a voice spoke from behind them.

"Oh shit," T-Dog shouted.

Dove turned quickly, her hazel eyes opened as she saw Rick coming out of the woods with Hershel and two walkers. Everyone was off.

"See what they're holding onto," Shane shouted as Dove let go of Carol's hand and ran faster.

"I see who I'm holding onto," Hershel retorted.

"Shane, just let us do this. Then we can talk," Rick pleaded as Dove came to a stop next to T-Dog.

"These things ain't sick! They're not people," Shane began to rant. "They're dead! Ain't gonna feel nothin for them 'cause all they do, they kill!" Shane paced back and forth like a madman and Dove didn't even realize she was digging her nails into her friend's arm in a panic until he gently pulled her hand away.

"Go back with Carol," T-Dog gave her shoulder a gentle shove backwards and Dove could only stumble back a few steps before an arm wrapped around her shoulder. Dove bit down on the inside of her lip as she began to shake in her sister's arms.

"They're the things that killed Amy! They killed Otis! They're gonna kill all of us," Shane screamed. "Hey Hershel, let me ask you something. Could a living, breathing person, could they walk away from this?" Shane rambled on before he pulled out his gun and fired three shots into the female walker that Hershel had on a rope.

Carol jumped at the sudden shock of the loud noise and Dove's hand flew up to cover her mouth. "Stop it," Rick shouted.

"That's three rounds in the chest," Shane continued to scream. "Can someone who's alive take that? Why is it still coming?" Shane took more shots. He was just fucking with them now and Dove wanted to scream as he finally stepped forward and took the headshot. "Enough! Risking our lives for a little girl who's gone," Shane yelled as he approached the barn door.

Daryl glanced quickly over his shoulder at this. Carol whimpered as Dove wrapped her arms around her sister and began to stroke her hair with her own shaking hands. Dove wanted to take that gun and shoot Shane for everything he was putting them all through. It was only fear that kept her rooted to the spot.

"Enough living next to a barn full of things that want to kill us! Enough. Rick, it ain't like it was before. Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it," Shane continued his rampage. On the other side of the group, Julian had his hands planted firmly in his curly hair. It was only when Rick started to shout for Hershel to take the snare pole that he stepped forward.

Everyone was beginning to scream. His focus shifted from the snare pole with the walker to Beth. Julian grabbed her shoulder firmly, "Listen to me, you try not to look okay?" His voice was almost pleading, "I know you haven't been out there and haven't seen how bad it is but…." He trailed off as the noises from the barn grew louder; the walkers started to file out and Julian wanted to throw up as he saw some familiar faces in the mix. Out of instinct, he wrapped a protective arm around the younger girl as she began to weep at the sight of her family.

Every gunshot made Dove's stomach turn and Carol jumped. Dove's eyes stayed focused on a spot above the doorway to the barn as she tried to keep herself from panicking too much. Then, just as suddenly as it had started, everything stopped. Jimmy was at Beth's side and Julian pulled away, his hands going right back to his hair as he tried to keep the tears that he felt sting his eyes from falling.

Dove's breath caught in her throat as Daryl turned around to face them. She didn't know what to think about anything right now, if anything she wanted an excuse to go run away from the barn now more than ever. She finally released her grip on Carol's arm as she took careful steps forward. In the shocked silence, she heard it. Something else was moving in the barn. She felt her pulse quicken as T-Dog took a few steps back to meet her. "Don't," his voice was barely above a whisper.

It felt like the world started to move in slow motion as a little shoe emerged from the barn, followed by thin legs. Dove heard Daryl's voice from her left side utter a quiet, "No," before she heard Carol.

"Sophia," Carol shouted as she ran forward and that seemed to snap Dove out of her own trance as she made a move to run forward.

T-Dog was a lot stronger than her, but she tried to fight him. "Let me go," Dove beat her fists against her friend's chest as he held her in place. She could see Carol out of the corner of her eye with Daryl, both of them trying to reach the little girl but both of them being stopped. "Let me go," Dove hissed before T-Dog gave her a shake.

"Don't look," his voice shook.

Don't look.

It was those words that seemed to snap her back to reality as she finally registered what was happening. Sophia's eyes were cloudy, her shirt was torn, and the left side of her neck was gone. Sophia was gone. The scream that Dove let out almost didn't sound human as she watched her niece continue to shuffle forward. The sudden noise in the silence made the little girl's dead gaze focus on the brunette woman. Carol continued to sob and Dove could barely see through the tears in her eyes. What she did see, was Sophia's head turn slightly in her direction. Dove felt like she couldn't breathe for a moment and then…

It was over.

A gunshot rang out and Sophia dropped to the ground. Carol began to sob hysterically as Dove felt herself go numb. She clung to T-Dog's arms as her knees gave out and tears began to roll down her face.

~

She didn't remember how she came to be sitting on the ground, but there she was. Dove pulled her knees to her chest as her sister continued to sob. The tears continued to flow freely down the brunette's face, but her eyes didn't leave the spot where Sophia's body lay. The only other thing that she seemed to be able to register was Carol's sobs getting quieter as she ran off towards camp.

Dove's whole body shook as Daryl knelt in front of her. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. His eyes seemed to communicate everything he was trying to, especially how sorry he was. Dove nodded her head weakly as she finally averted her gaze from the dead body of her niece. The redneck's hands were surprisingly gentle as he grasped her arm. Dove took a deep breath as she unfolded her arms and held onto the man's arms for support as he pulled her to her feet.

A scream from up by the group of walkers made Dove jump slightly; her hands instinctively gripped Daryl's hand as he tried to move to help the group. "No, please," Dove pleaded feebly. Daryl looked angry as he turned back to look at the brunette. There was something that he saw that made him stay; though he definitely didn't seem happy about it.

"Get her out of here," Rick shouted as most of the group attempted to pull Beth away from the corpse of her mother. Julian ran forward, panic was the only thing driving him. He didn't want to lose anyone else. A scream tore from his throat as he picked up a shovel from the side of the barn and brought it down on Beth's mother's head. It was only then that they were able to pull the blonde girl away. He couldn't tell if the look Maggie shot him was one of gratitude, anger, or both.

~

Julian walked alongside Patricia as Shane followed them up to the house. "You knew that little girl was in that barn and you kept it from us," Shane shouted after them. Julian clenched his jaw as Hershel replied.

"I didn't know," Hershel tried to explain.

"Why was she there," Shane continued to try to interrogate the old man and Julian finally snapped.

The dark haired man turned his head and snapped back at Shane, "Back off, man! Haven't you done enough?"

Shane stared him down and he felt a chill run down his spine as Hershel finally worked up enough energy to speak. "Otis put those people in the barn. Maybe he found her and put her in there before he was killed."

Shane scoffed, "You expect me to believe that? Do I look like an idiot"

Julian narrowed his eyes at the deputy, "He's telling the truth. Otis took care of the barn." He wanted to tell Shane that he didn't look like an idiot, he looked like a maniac; but he didn't have the energy to fight anymore.

"I don't care what you believe," Hershel retorted. Julian put a hand on Hershel's shoulder and attempted to lead him back up the stairs, towards the house, and towards his family while Rick continued to stand in between the two men. "Get him off my land," Hershel shouted at Rick.

"Let me tell you something, man," Shane spoke again as he made a move for Hershel. Julian was just about to jump in between them when Maggie ran down the stairs.

"Don't you touch him," she shouted as she smacked Shane hard. "Haven't you done enough?" That was it. Julian was finally able to lead the old farmer up the stairs.

"I mean it…off my land," Hershel stated calmly.

"Hershel. That's enough," Julian whispered as he gave him a nudge towards the house.

~

Dove watched the whole thing happen from where she sat against the side of the RV. Her hands shook as Dale approached slowly from around the side of the RV. "I'm so sorry," the old man said solemnly as he looked at her for permission to sit. Dove's only response was a feeble nod. "Where's Carol?"

"She's inside," Dove's voice was still thick with tears, though no more fell from her eyes. "I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't say anythin. I don't blame her. It's my fault…"

Dale put a hand on the young woman's shoulder. "Hey. Don't say that."

"Say what? That it's my fault Sophia's dead? Dale, I told her that I would protect her and look what ended up happening," her voice broke as she shook her head. She drew in a deep breath before she spoke again. "Daryl almost got himself killed and that would've been my fault too because he was looking for Sophia and…"

Dale cut her off with a quiet 'hush' before he spoke again. "Sophia isn't your fault. And I think you know that if Daryl died , that wouldn't have been on you either. You don't need to do this to yourself," Dale gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I would say it's going to be okay, but it won't be. Not for a long time. I mean, hell, I still miss my wife like it was yesterday."

Dove sniffled slightly as she ran a hand across her face. She placed her hand on top of the one Dale had placed on her shoulder. "I know…"

"I guess what I'm trying to say is…you're not alone." Dove was grateful for the silence that fell over the next few minutes before she spotted Daryl making his way back up the trail to the RV.

His head hung low as he approached them. Dove's chest felt tight as she waited for him to speak. "We're gonna bury them…all of them. Sophia too." Tears stung Dove's eyes again as she nodded her head. She turned her attention to Dale and a look of understanding passed between them before the old man stood up to help her to her feet.

Words escaped the young woman as she tried to keep herself steady on her feet. Tears filled her hazel eyes as she just stared at the red neck for a moment before she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him. A sob left her as she felt Daryl tense up from the unexpected physical contact. A hand patted her back, almost awkwardly before he spoke. "I'm sorry."

~

Dove was sitting by the RV still with Carl and Dale as she waited for the funeral. Daryl hadn't come out of where he sat in the RV with Carol, but she hadn't heard much noise from in there. Dove rose to her feet as she saw Lori approach. Lori placed a hand on Carl's hat. The little boy glanced up at her and Dove managed a weak smile before she nodded at him. "Go with Dale," Lori quietly instructed her son.

It was silent as Dove hesitantly led Lori up the stairs into the RV. "They're ready," Lori lowered her gaze to the ground as she spoke. Dove's eyes were trained on her sister as she leaned against the back of the passenger seat. Her heart sank as she saw Carol shake her head. "Come on," Lori pleaded gently.

"Why," Carol asked.

"Cause that's your little girl," Daryl answered almost instantly.

Carol finally raised her gaze up from the table to the man, "That's not my little girl. That's some other…thing." Carol's voice sounded hollow. Dove bit down on her thumb to keep from letting out a sob as she meekly nodded her head. "My Sophia was alone in the woods. All this time I thought…" Carol trailed off for a moment. Lori's gaze stayed on Carol as she reached out and placed a gentle hand on Dove's arm. "She didn't cry herself to sleep. She didn't go hungry. She didn't try to find her way back. Sophia died a long time ago."

Dove let out a shaky breath. "Carol…"

Carol just shook her head and continued to stare out the window. Dove didn't know what she felt more of; anger or sadness. Her gaze landed on the flower that was still in the old bottle they had found a few days ago. Her steps were careful as she walked across the RV. She felt Daryl's blue eyes watch her as she pulled the flower from the bottle. "Let's go," she mumbled quietly as Daryl finally hopped down from the counter where he sat.

"I can't believe she did that," Daryl muttered under his breath as the two of them walked towards the gravesite.

"You can't tell people how to grieve," Dove explained simply. As they approached the gravesite, Dove remembered how much she hated funerals. Glenn walked over and gave her a tight hug, followed by T-Dog, and some of the others. Julian approached and extended his condolences with a one armed hug and a mumbled sorry.

The brunette felt safe where she stood in between Lori and Daryl. It wasn't like Otis's funeral. There was no beautiful speeches to be made, it was silent as a graveyard. Dove took a careful step forward and placed the wilted Cherokee Rose on top of Sophia's grave. A quiet sniffle escaped her and she stepped back. She felt surprise instead of fear or anger as she felt a quick, but tight squeeze on her hand from her left side. Dove didn't turn her head, but the gesture was enough. A few seconds passed before the group began to head off in their own directions.

Dove's attention turned to the redneck; she wanted to say something, offer her thanks again for being there and trying, but he was already heading off on his own.

Lori furrowed her eyebrows for a moment before she reached out and placed an arm around the younger woman. "C'mon, sweetie. Let's head back to camp."

Dove didn't have it in her to fight anymore today. She was quiet as she followed the older woman back to her tent. It was early in the day, but all Dove wanted to do was crawl into her sleeping bag and cry. She wasn't even sure if the tears she shed were for Sophia, Carol, or her anger at herself. All she knew was it didn't matter anymore. Sophia was gone and there was no going back from that.

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