#listen idk what to say theres just something about her

[reidmania]

sharpest tool | s.reid

(chapter four, motion sickness)

'I hate you for what you did and I miss you like a little kid. i faked it every time but that's alright. i can hardly feel anything, i hardly feel anything at all, I have emotional motion sickness somebody roll the windows down, there are no words in the english language, i could scream to drown you out'

summary; you never had someone make you feel safe enough to open up, until spencer. now trying to cope with his sudden absence you learn to lean on your new found friendship with his coworker, penelope.

warnings; fem reader, mentions of bad relationships, ghosting, commitment issues, self doubt & overthinking, preettyy angsty idk guys, no comfort yet but there is some fluff, and theres penelope & reader friendship!! reader lowkey shit talks spencer but he deserves it. reader is embarrassed & upset. reader is lowkey really mean, but shes coping guys. i think this is my favourite chapter out of all of them.

2.3k words

taglist; @gghostwriter @lavonee @guiltyyassin @spencersinonlygf @criminalmindssworld @iknwreid @fortheloveofgubler @yokaimoon @sapphirecobalt-1 @eddiesdrummergf @livvyliv15 @lover-of-books-and-tea a @sebastiansstanswhore @bloodredrubyrose @sp3ncelle @nemobee777 @jencole214 @hazzarules

SERIES MASTERLIST

The lights are low, casting a soft, warm glow on the room, making it feel almost too cozy for the storm of emotions swirling inside of you. Penelope sits across from you on the other side of the coffee table, her vibrant personality seeming muted for once. She’s not wearing her usual bright colors, just a simple oversized shirt and pajama pants, the kind of clothes that scream comfort. It fits the night. It fits the conversation.

“You want to talk about it?” Penelope asks, voice gentle, but still full of that spark of energy that only she has. There’s no judgment there. Her eyes made you believe there never would be.

Your fingers tug absentmindedly at a loose thread on the hem of your sweatpants, the silence stretching between you like an invisible barrier. But it’s not an uncomfortable silence. Penelope doesn’t push. She doesn’t know you well enough to push. You’re not sure how to start, not sure how to talk about something you’re still struggling to process.

The night had consisted of making cookies, watching sickeningly sweet romance films you both gushed over — there were numerous times you had to stop your mind from drifting to Spencer, and when it did, you felt a sickening ache in your stomach. For the most part, besides those moments where the room fell quiet and your mind drifted, the night had been great.

“He just... stopped,” you whisper, voice barely audible, but Penelope catches it. Her eyes soften, and she leans forward slightly, offering silent encouragement for you to continue. "One day, Spencer was there, and the next... he wasn't. Theoretically of course..”

Spencer was different to anyone else you met, or at least he seemed that way. You thought he understood you. The way he listened, the way his eyes softened when he looked at you, the way he made you feel like you could breathe around him. No one had ever done that for you before. But then, when things had started getting real—when you both were on the verge of making it official—he disappeared. You couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it was a commitment issue thing. Or if he really just had been playing with you the entire time.

“I don’t understand why,” you continue, the words tumbling out faster now, as if saying them out loud will make them make sense. “One day, we were close. He’d text me every morning. He’d ask how I was feeling, what I was doing. He made me feel… seen. Like he actually cared. And then, nothing. No calls, no messages. He just—”

“Ghosted you?” Penelope finishes for you, and the bluntness of the term hits you harder than you thought it would. You nod, feeling the sting of it all over again.

“He just disappeared,” you say, the words coming out harsh, jagged. You laugh bitterly, but there’s no humor in it. “Like I wasn’t even worth an explanation.”

Penelope’s hand reaches across the table, her fingers curling around yours in a comforting squeeze. She doesn’t say anything for a moment, just lets you sit with the weight of your own pain. But her presence, her warmth, makes it feel a little less suffocating.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” she murmurs, her thumb brushing over the back of your hand. “Spencer… he’s complicated. I don’t know why he did this to you, but I can tell you for sure, it’s not your fault. It never was.”

You close your eyes for a second, trying to swallow down the hurt, but it lingers there, a dull ache that refuses to fade. It’s not just about Spencer ghosting you; it’s about all the hope you had pinned on him. You thought he was different, thought he could be the person who made you feel safe in a way you had never felt before.

You couldn’t help the embarrassment you felt, all you had been thinking about for days was ‘how could i be so stupid.’ You had your guard up for a reason. You didn’t date for a reason, and the fact that you had let him let you forget that. You were so mad at yourself.

You missed Spencer more than you were willing to admit. Sleep evades you, and when it comes, it’s restless—haunted by the ghost of his touch. Your limbs grew weary, not from movement but from the effort of carrying the silence he left behind.

Your lips twitch into a bitter smile. “Yeah, well, maybe that’s on me. I was stupid for thinking it would be different.”

“No. Absolutely not,” Penelope says firmly, her voice suddenly fierce in a way that surprises you. “No. You were not stupid. You opened up because he made you feel like you could, and that’s on him, not you. He gave you the signals. He made the promises, and then he broke them. Spencer—he’s got his issues. He’s been through a lot, but that doesn’t excuse what he did to you. You deserved better.”

You pull your knees up to your chest, hugging them tightly as Penelope’s words sink in. It’s hard to believe that sometimes, that you deserved better. Spencer had made you feel like you could finally let your guard down, but in the end, it just made the hurt cut deeper. — Maybe thats all you’d ever deserve.

“He made me feel safe,” you admit, your voice breaking slightly. “Which i know sounds stupid— But— I don’t know.. I trusted him.”

“And then he took that away,” Penelope finishes, her voice softening again, filled with understanding. “It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to be angry. You opened up to him because you trusted him, and he didn’t treat that trust the way he should have.”

You nod, biting your lip to keep the tears at bay. You hadn’t wanted to cry tonight. You hadn’t wanted to break down. But being here with Penelope, his friend, his co-worker, who was so sweet and so understanding, it’s harder to keep everything bottled up.

“I just don’t get it,” you say, voice shaking. “Why would he make me feel like I mattered, like we were something, and then just leave?”

Penelope sighs, leaning back against the couch. “Spencer’s not great at dealing with his emotions,” she explains gently. “He’s always in his head, analyzing things, trying to make sense of the world. But feelings aren’t always logical. And sometimes… sometimes he runs from things he can’t control.”

You shake your head, a bitter laugh escaping your lips. “Well, he sure ran fast.”

Penelope gives you a sad smile, squeezing your hand again. “I know it doesn’t make it easier, but sometimes people can care about you and still hurt you. It doesn’t mean what you had wasn’t real. It just means he is an idiot.”

You stare down at your hands, the weight of her words settling on your shoulders. Maybe she’s right. Maybe Spencer did care about you in his own way, but that didn’t change the fact that he left you when you needed him most. It didn’t change the fact that you were still trying to pick up the pieces of your heart while he was nowhere to be found.

“I mean, he’s so damn smart, right? So.. So smart, always figuring things out. But apparently, figuring out how to treat people isn’t part of his skill set.”

Penelope chuckles softly, though there’s no real humor in it. “Yeah, sometimes Spencer’s great at solving every problem except the ones that really matter.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” you mutter, shaking your head. The frustration still courses through your veins, and you grip the fabric of your pants tightly, trying to channel it somewhere, anywhere. “I’m not going to sit around waiting for some half-assed explanation either. If he wanted to tell me why he bailed, he would have.”

She nodded her head. “He is dumb.” She said.

A laugh passed through your lips as you nodded quickly in agreement. “How is he so smart — and sweet yet such a fucking coward? I’m so pissed that he couldn’t even end things in person — that he didn’t even say anything.” You ran your hands down your face.

Penelope smiled. Maybe you were being mean in order to deflect from the hurt in your heart and the way your brain fizzled with an overwhelming ache for the comfort of Spencer. “Are you sure you don’t want me to ask him about it?” She asked.

You were quick to shake your head. While you were desperate for an answer of what you could have possibly done — you weren’t desperate enough to go through his friends to get an answer. You refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing you cared so much. “No. No- Please don’t— Does he even know we have been talking?” Penelope was quick to shake her head with a grin.

“Nope! I haven’t said anything to him.. I sent a photo to JJ earlier of your bobble head collection, but I highly doubt she would’ve just shown Spencer?” She mumbled, shrugging her shoulders slightly. The words made you frown, yet glad. You didn’t care about Penelope sharing your silly bobble head collection, it was something you were very proud of.

“I don’t really care if he knows. Is it bad I hope he is really mad? Like I hope he is really really pissed off about it. Is that petty?” You tumbled out the questions as your mind swirled. You hoped he was mad because at least then in some way maybe you could believe he cared.

“Yes. Definitely petty.” Penelope nodded, a playful smile on her face. “But— If anyone has a right to be petty, it’s you.. You’re handing this better than I would. i’d want to egg his house.” She shrugged, the words made a string of laughter leave your lips.

“I really really do want to” You said honestly, “maybe then he would have to say something” It was silly, but it would lie to say the thought hadn’t crossed your mind. It was childish, and immature and so petty, but leaving someone with no explanation was also just as childish and immature so in your head, it evened out.

“I reckon he would start crying” Penelope giggled.

“God I hope so.” you huffed out, running your hands through your hair before a small smile made way onto your lips as you looked up at the blonde women. The last thing you expected was to get along so quickly with the girl. You had expected it to be awkward between the two of you, but it wasn’t. You two spent hours watching silly chick-flics and laughing, before this conversation even started.

“Thank you- by the way. For this” you mumbled, referring to her just being there. She didn’t have to. She didn’t know you, she didn’t owe you anything, she was Spencer’s friend, not yours.

Penelope grinned widely, “Don’t thank me. I love boy genius but he can be such a tool sometimes without even realising it. He fucked up and you need somebody, plus who else would make sugar cookies with me?” She teased.

You curled up by Penelope’s side, smiling at her gently. You really were grateful. “Speaking of sugar cookies, do you think we could frost them yet?”

[doomedclockworkdotmp3]

good as new

another fun falin thing

[choking-on-roses]

It deeply bothers me that nobody in my life ever responds to messages from me and they often leave me on read even when I'm talking about something really important

On the other hand it leads to some pretty hilarious conversations when days later I send a meme

[aro-ortega]

i think it would be funny if in the future daniel + julia try to convince sasja to give polyamory/them as a throuple a shot

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

I wish it was easier to guage how many people are gonna be using the sidewalk in my backyard at certain times

It would make taking chewby for walks much easier

[pngjamie]

I yap about Forever + Falling with you

Forever being the end song to murder drones- and its lyrics being what they are

gives me the impression Murder Drones was a big love story about opening up and trust hidden under mounds of comedy and violence

And I dont mean that it ACTUALLY is, its more just.. a silly little feeling I get when i listen to it

Theres something about the song thats so... cozy? So like, softly spoken. A very hummable melody from one lover to another.

also falling with you, like what the fuck

never in my life have I felt a track was so carefully crafted- and prepared, carved out for two specific characters in one specific moment.

She made the choice to sacrifice herself- for him. In her eyes it was the end and if at the end of everything she could guarantee the life of one person it was going to be the one she loves, she didnt know what would be at the other end,

The thing is, he wanted to be there for her. Even when they're knocking on deaths door, he needs to be there.

Its like trust fall exercise, except the focus isnt on 'catch me' cause they'd never let the other fall,

its about making sure they dont fall when youre not looking. It hurts both parties, to crash without warning and to see the one you love fall

I *love* that they dont speak here. She looks to the side, shifting her glances before looking at him.

An unspoken guilt ridden apology.

The response he chooses?

forgiveness,

Even if the result of her actions hurt him- her intentions were good and meant to be entirely in favor of him

And in this moment, with their current history and with a yet to be seen future, he forgives her,

Cause at the very least, they're together again. He could save her.

And her look just, screams thank you to me.

Thank you for forgiving me, saving me-

for everything :) /ref

lighthearted preparation for whats to come :)

legitimately, what she says, reiterating herself "die mad bitch"

knowing theyre heading into the end of the world to prevent it?? Theyre going off to the fucking trenches together, key word this time being together

And then the horrible unexpected !

Uzi is ripped away from N, confronted with what her home has become, the universe is practically screaming at her to fix it, pushing her towards the end without mercy

But shes not doing it alone, she cant do it alone, not again, not this time

And he wouldnt let her

The universe could endlessly attempt to wield its cosmic grasp to push these two apart but itd never work, itd never end with them alone

Their love- their pure devotion to each other,

is so celestial in its own right

Not super related to my ramble but i love that in them becoming official (I will not call this a confession, N definitely confessed the previous episode)

Uzis so.. wagh.. her eyes.

That trademark look of panic or worry- I mean what would you expect from the black sheep of the colony? Being excluded on the daily, left to your own abandoned devices?? The reassurance she was requesting just, ughh.. my heart...

and the way. He fucking looks at her

Its so, soft. He knows she has not a thing to worry about. His heart is completely and utterly hers. Where most would die for their love, he lives for her.

The universe would be dammed to ever try and separate pure unbridled love like this ever again

ERM< ANYWAY that was super gay ew idk why im like. obsessed with their relatinshuio ahhajfhdgjbsjhfm someone blow me up

[rapunzelbro]

I've been reading your fabulous Lucifer and tall reader. I found a tiktok for a Lucifer scenario. I thought it was perfect just hiding little duckies all over the castle and hotel for Lucifer to find and to also piss Alastor off. 🙂

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8vdXanP/

The Great Duck Hunt of The Century! Ft. Lucifer & Alastor!

This title is so so so fucking specific. Remember my hiatus? Yeah I don’t remember either. I feel like I like writing for Lucifer and Angel more ngl and silly prompts like these give me inspiration. Idk why anywho enjoy~ Angel , Reader, Lucifer, Alastor Husk

Masterlist Taglist

Throughout your relationship with Lucifer you always found new ways to spice it up in the bed room

If you thought sex well, that too

But you meant something else, and that was The Great Duck Hunt of The Century!

What is it you may ask?

Well let’s just say Lucifer made a bunch of mini ducks out of pure boredom one day with you. So you snagged them all when you two were done with them

And spent the next 7 hours placing 500 in the castle and 500 in the Hazbin Hotel

Why? Because why the fuck not

Lucifer was excited and was happily looking around but when you got a text from Angel you knew you were fucked, screwed, in trouble

“Girl what tf did you do”

“Whatever do you mean?”

Why is Smiles yelling about finding ducks all over the hotel”

“Husk is literally finding them in the liquor bottles and choked on one of them and not the good kinda choke if you know what I mean” “🍆💦”

“I made a scavenger hunt for Lucifer that’s all 🫢”

“You didn’t hide any in my room did you”

“Hell no you’re my friend”

“Aw thank you sweetie💗 might wanna avoid the hotel for a while he is pissed I’ll keep rehiding them though. Ttyl babe~”

“Thanks for the warning”

Yeah uh let’s just say, after Lucifer did find a majority of them. Him being short Didn’t give him an advantage and you mentioned to him there’s a ton left so out comes Lucifer in bird mode

Dude is flying throughout his castle knocking so much shit over in the process to find these ducks and he is so fucking happy? Dude is so glad you did this.

It went on for hours

When you finish counting what he found you announce he found 500/1000

“HOLY SHIT THERES MORE??”

He didn’t know how you had so much dedication but he did and was ready to go to the hotel to find the rest

You texting Angel

“How many did he find?”

“I wanna say 100? This radio demons is ripping this hotel apart for them, Charlie thinks her dad did it but I let her in on it and told Vag. They think it’s funny as fuck. Well Charlie not as much but Vag is dying over here”

“omg did I tell you there’s bets being placed on this shit on if he burns the building down or not? Get your ass over here “

Lucifer makes a portal for you two because stepping into the hotel

Holy

Shit

It was a mess?? There were spots you didn’t even put any that were destroyed

“What the actual fuck?”

Everyone is just at the bar watching shit go down as Alastor is ripping the hotel apart for the ducks.

Lucifer is no where to be seen. This man’s instantly looking for the ducks and fixing up the building as he goes for his daughters sake

Alastor noticing you just appeared and him going up to you with his demon form practically almost fully out from his pissed this man is

“I’m hoping it wasn’t you who did this, or I’m afraid ł’ⱠⱠ ₱ɆⱤ₴Ø₦₳ⱠⱠɎ Ⱨ₳VɆ ₮Ø Ɽł₱ ɎØɄ Ⱡł₥฿ ฿Ɏ Ⱡł₥฿ Ʉ₦₮łⱠ ɎØɄ ⱤɆ₥ØVɆ ɆVɆⱤɎ ₴ł₦₲ⱠɆ Ø₦Ɇ Ø₣ ₮ⱧɆ₴Ɇ ₣Ʉ₵₭ł₦₲ ĐɄ₵₭₴”

His voice getting so fucking loud and static holy shit it was scary but you just back away as quickly as possible before Lucifer comes out with a fuck ton of the mini ducks before running infront of you.

Lucifer and Alastor stare at each other before Lucifer almost fucking launches at his ass for yelling at you

You instantly having to hold him back

“Listen you find these fuckers easily right? Help me find them and I won’t have to kill your little girlfriend”

“Haha fuck you. I’d love to see you try. I’m looking on my own terms “

Yeah he highkey didn’t want to take that chance regardless but he wasn’t lying when he said he was looking on his terms. Him bringing the ducks back to you as he found them

You counting them but Angel distracting you so much you had to double count everything like four times.

When he found them all the hotel surprisingly didn’t burn down, which caused almost everyone to give Husk money

“Hah.. old cats still got it”

Yeah Husk knew it wouldn’t be that dramatic considering if it had any involvement with you, or Lucifer, Lucifer could’ve easily fixed the building before it got to the point of that

He is fucking good

Alastor making the ducks dissolve in thin air once you counted them all and confirmed they were all found and Lucifer mourning the loss of his ducks while you and Charlie awkwardly comfort him.

Alastor instantly going back to his room with the worlds most irritating smile

“Please when you have this.. duck hunting again..you have it NOT HERE”

“Well that went better than I thought..”

And that was the end of the Great Duck Hunt of the century

It was the most fun Lucifer ever had.

And to see Alastor in that state was the icing on the cake.

He loved you so much and was 100% going to make himself a trophy since he found them all

It’s just the little things you do or even in this case the big things that make him appreciate you even more

Especially if it involves pissing off Alastor my god you got hella bonus points for that shit

Lucifer Taglist: @vendetta-ari @brithedemonspawn @katshyperfixations @aphestina @satansmanager @irethepotato @storydays @saturnhas82moons @zamadness

[sugaimhome]

cybersex - jm

pairing: cam boy jimin x anxious reader non idol au

genre: friends to lovers? smut, fluff, 18+ pls

warnings: ig jimin is a sex worker, smut, voyeurism, mentions of anxiety, reader is insecure, oral sex (female receiving), mentions of masturbation, he has his hand around her neck, MISSIONARY other smexy things yk, soft jimin. i love them, jimin is rough one minute then soft the next

summary: jimin's only source of income is his livestreams, when he starts loosing viewers and money he admits it to his friends, including you and secretly you agree to help him... on camera, but things are more complicated than it seems

parts: one shot (i do have an idea for a second part if this goes well! i really wanna write it ah)

words: 8.7k

as per, not proof read.

A/N: i have been working on this since november and that's the longest i have worked on something, idk how i feel about this but i love the way i wrote jimin so theres that. also i intended to post this on more like the 20th but i am posting now! ahead of schedule go me. i hope you enjoy! thank you for the support!

Jimin had arrived at your weekly group meetup 10 minutes late. He was late a lot of the time but today he was grumpy, he was only talking to Taehyung, who was looking as worried as Jimin, and he was seriously avoiding the alcohol. All of this you observed from your vantage point of your spot half way up Seokjin’s stairs. Your shoulder was pressed against Yoongi’s and as you did in most group gatherings, the two of you were trying to escape socialising. You tended to exchange a few words, then when Yoongi had drunk enough, you’d both venture down to the rest of the group. By the end of the night Yoongi would be dancing on the table with Tae, but before then he’d need at least two more cups. For a moment your attention is taken away from Jimin as Namjoon’s head appears through the wooden panels of  the bannister. 

“I brought you socialising juice.” he smiles, handing you up two shot glasses.

“Thanks Joon, I’m not drinking tonight” you smile back at him, he shrugs as Yoongi reaches for both glasses.

“No worries” he smirks, “I’ll drink them both” 

Both Namjoon and yourself watch as Yoongi tips his head back and downs one of the drinks, his adam's-apple bobbing up and down. He pauses, not even wincing before bringing the other to his lips. 

“We’ll be down in five minutes, I should imagine” you joke to Namjoon, who like you is staring wide eyed at Yoongi, not necessarily shocked, more impressed.

“I give it two minutes,” Namjoon replies,"that stuff's heavy." You giggle, and sure enough, two minutes later Yoongi is telling the rest of the group about something, or someone, he had done last night. You weren’t really listening, you’d probably hear the story again in the car as you drove him and Jungkook home later, your attention was on Jimin, who would normally be listening intently to this kind of story. He’s staring absentmindedly into Jin’s ceiling, a ceiling with no great interest. Yoongi's story ends and the attention turns to Jimin. “What’s wrong man?” Namjoon asks, with genuine care in his voice.

For a moment you don’t think Jimin will reply. He stares at Namjoon as if he’s asked the most difficult question he's ever heard, nervously rubbing his nose with his hand. Just when you think he’ll shrug it off he says “I’m losing viewers” you tilt your head, not completely understanding the context of his comment for a moment.

“I’m losing viewers” he sighs, as he does, you realise how much weight he’s lost recently. “I’m not making enough money” 

It then clicks what he’s talking about, and it does with the others too as they all collectively gasp. He looks around the room, when he realises that everyones still paying attention to him he continues. “It’s been happening for months, I am barely making enough to live”

You wondered why Jimin had called off the meeting scheduled at his house the other week, if he couldn’t afford to live, he couldn't afford to buy alcohol for seven of his mates. “I applied for a job at a supermarket” his head is down, it must be pretty embarrassing to admit that in front of all his friends who, like he had up until recently, been doing very well with money. Too well.

“We’ll support you” you remind him, not caring if it insults him, because you would support him. You’d support any of them. 

“I know,” he replies, smiling at you. Though the moment of eye contact doesn’t last long as he looks back down to the floor.

“Have you tried spicing it up?” Yoongi asks, Hobi actually groaning at the word “spicing”. It was funny how they swapped personalities when they were drunk, you find yourself smiling despite the heavy and weird topic.

“I’ve tried everything.” Jimin explains. “Different toys, different positions, I even tried losing weight, but apparently no one wants to watch me jerk off anymore.”

There was once, years ago, when Yoongi had dared you to log into one of Jimin's livestreams and watch it. You knew the others sometimes watched him, for whatever reasons you could not, and would not think about. The thirty seconds you had experienced were bliss though, you couldn’t imagine how anyone could stop watching it. You blush slightly at the thought of the very clear memory of Jimin rubbing his hand up and down his dick and whimpering in a way you never thought could be hot. You close your eyes, trying to block out the image as you had done countless times. 

“You should have special guests” Yoongi suggests, his voice is slurred now as he leans forward in his chair. “Invite some girls on, people would like to see that.” 

“I have had no hook ups in the past year that would be comfortable with doing that Yoongi. Plus it’s special to me. I wouldn't want some random pornstar screaming all over my cam like that.”

“There's nothing worse than a screaming girl.” Hobi replies, staring into the bottom of his glass, disappointed with the lack of liquid, he glances at Yoongi, as if he had stolen it, even though it had been in Hobi’s hand the whole time. 

“Let’s not shame them” you say. “It’s their job and if people jerk off to them screaming and that's how they get their money, who are you to judge?”

They all stare at you a little shocked, you wonder yourself where the sudden burst of confidence came from. “Are you a screamer?” Seokjin asks. “You seem to be quite defensive of the subject”

“No! I’m not!” you exclaim suddenly, as Seokjin had suggested, very defensive of both the subject and yourself. Your exclamation earns a laugh from some of the others, cut short when Yoongi speaks. 

"That's perfect then" Yoongi decides. You look at him with your head tilted to the side for a moment. What did he mean?

When it's clear both you and everyone else don't understand what he means he continues. "If Y/N isn't a screamer, and Jimin doesn't want screamers on his cams. You can join him." He's looking at you. Pointing at you.

Before Yoongi even finishes you're staring at him wide eyed with a blush high on your cheeks. All these years of friendship and this is how drunk Yoongi repays you. 

No one speaks, you realise that it's your time to say something and, voice shaking, you reply to him. "You know I don't feel that way about any of you"

You see Jungkook pout out the corner of your vision. The rest of them stare at you wide eyed, as if you hadn't said that before. The fool himself opens his mouth to speak again but Jimin's there before he can start. "That's enough Yoongi" he sounds demanding, defending you and you feel your pussy pulse in response. You're so embarrassed. This whole thing, your reaction, your apparent attraction to Jimin and everyone staring at you wide eyed makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry. You'd do anything to get out of this situation.

The thing is, you realise with a startling surety, you would join Jimin on one of his cams. It had fascinated you since the day you'd learnt it was his job. You trusted Jimin, if there was anyone to do something so daring with, it would be him. There was no way, however, you'd ever admit that to him. 

The conversation, as Jimin had demanded, had moved on. Now it was both you and Jimin staring into Seokjin’s ceiling. Great. Min Yoongi had really ruined your night. Having no interest in the new conversation and more interest in eating your sorrows away, you get up and head towards the kitchen to raid Seokjin’s cupboard for something. 

The kitchen, like the rest of Seokjin's house, is an organised chaos, nothing seems to have a place but if you were to ask Seokjin where anything was, he'd know. However, you didn't, and when you hear footsteps behind you, for some reason you assume it's Seokjin coming to prevent you from turning the place upside down. "Do you know where the chocolate is?" you ask innocently, as if you were just wondering and didn't intend to eat your way through it all.

"No" you freeze, it's not Seokjin, it's Jimin. You could tell from his voice alone. "But I can help you find it" 

"Oh, hi." you mumble "thank you." You're still feeling a little nervous around him. For no reason. He wasn’t the one who had suggested anything. 

"I'm sorry about earlier" he admits, offering you a little lopsided sympathy smile. "You know no one would ever expect that of you. I don't know what's wrong with Yoongi ."

You gulp. Nodding and muttering something along the lines of "It's not your fault"

"I know but it's not something you'd ever want. You looked so embarrassed." 

You want to scream at him. How can he not see that it is something you'd want and you have no idea why? How can he not see you want him?

Sighing when you reach the last cupboard you reply to him. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

He laughs, it's a sweet laugh, one that shows he's thankful. "Unless you're offering yourself up like Yoongi suggests, then no, but thank you." 

He's kneeling on the floor now, searching through the cupboard next to you. You side eye him. Now would be your moment. If you had the guts. Your mind flashes back to Yoongi, speaking as if he knew your exact thoughts, he knew you better than any of the others and you wonder if he fabricated all this to give you this one moment. This chance.

"And what if I did" you want to slap your hand to your mouth to stop yourself talking but it's too late, you've committed now. Jimin has frozen his digging though Seokjin's cupboards and is staring at you with a mixture of confusion and shock. "What if I did want to offer myself up like Yoongi suggested?"

He looks at you speechless for a moment. "How much have you had to drink?" He asks.

"I'm driving." It's an adequate answer as his mouth drops a little. 

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" He whispers, looking to the door, as if to keep it from the others. 

You only nod and he shoots to his feet, walking back and forth across the kitchen. All this time you'd been obsessing over wanting Jimin. You hadn’t considered that he might not want you and that causes your body to freeze up and tears to form in the corners of your eyes. You think the pacing is part of him thinking of a way to say no to you, to say you weren't attractive to him. "I'm sorry" you apologise, a reflex of yours when things seemed to be going ever so slightly wrong. "I don't mean to make it weird. Gosh I'm so sorry it is so weird. I know you don't see me like that" you put your hand to your forehead. You're still on the floor by the cupboard, Jimin turns to you, he's shaking his head.

"Are you sure?" He asks, and like an idiot you think he's asking if you're sure it's weird, but your answer is the same anyway.

"I am sure"

"And if the others saw it? How'd you know if you'd be comfortable with that"

Your eyes widen. He's considering it. Despite this being your idea you feel like your eyebrows are touching your hairline. “I don’t think I care” you reply, the thought did unsettle you a little, the thought of all the others seeing you naked, seeing you that intimate with someone. But you always tried to live by the motto of “you only live once” - at times your anxiety seriously got in the way of that, but not this time. 

Jimin is pacing the room again, walking back and forth in front of you. It's making your head hurt. “What if you regret it?”

Your heart melts when you realise all the pacing back and forth isn’t about Jimin, it's about you, he's worrying about you. “I don’t think I will. Plus that would be my responsibility Jimin, not yours.”

Then, to your amazement, he stops his pacing, running a hand through his hair before saying “Okay.”

For a moment you’re too shocked to even speak then all the words start coming out at once. “You’ll have to tell me when and where, what to wear, what to say. I have no idea what I’m doing.” your hands are folded together on your lap, both them and your voice shaking as you speak. “I want to help you but I don’t want to make it worse and-”

He’s sitting on the floor in front of you now, holding your shaking hands in his. “If you’ve agreed to do this, why are you so anxious about it?” he asks, running his thumb over your hand.

“I get anxious about anything, no matter how much I want to do it.” you reply, watching him hold your hands in his, enjoying the closeness to someone for a moment. He only hums in response.

“I’ll message you later okay?” he tells you, helping you to your feet. After all of that you never found any chocolate. “If you change your mind, you don’t have to do this.”

“I know” you smile, he's still holding one of your hands as you talk. Then he's walking away, like they do in the movies. His fingers sciming yours. When you allow yourself to breathe again he's back in the living room and you’re standing in the kitchen by yourself, a little confused with all that just happened, and still very upset with your lack of chocolate. 

*** 

After the kitchen incident earlier it had taken you 10 minutes to find the confidence to walk back into the living room. When you did no one really paid attention to you and you spent the rest of the night under one of Jungkook's arms, one of your favourite places to be, until it was time to go home. Now with Yoongi in the passenger seat and Jungkook alone in the back you finally had some silence. If you could consider whatever Yoongi was playing on your stereo silence. You see Yoongi turn it down out of the corner of your eye, then you feel him staring at you. “How did it go?” he asks, whispering as if Jungkook couldn’t hear. You blush, you don’t know what he’s on about, but he seems to know.

“I don’t know what you mean, Yoongi.” you can hear the tiredness in your voice, and how upset with him you still are.

“With Jimin” he continues, Jungkook has leant forward in the passenger seat to listen to the conversation. 

“Yoongi you’re delusional” you tell him, a small blush rising on your cheeks.

“So nothing happened?” he pouts.

“No, Yoongi.” 

The three sit in silence for a moment, the music impossible to hear over the sound of your car. Then, in the comedic fashion that was your life, the speaker announces “A new SMS message from Jimin” 

Yoongi’s mouth drops open and all you can do is laugh. Jungkook rushes back to his little space between the two front seats, waiting to see if the rest of the message would read out; but that's something else you turned off long ago because they couldn’t keep their noses out of your business.

“Oh my goodness” Yoongi breathes. “Something did happen.”

“Nothing happened. It's completely unrelated, or it's an apology for your behaviour Min Yoongi” you take your eyes off the road for a moment to stare at him.

“What would Jimin be messaging you that's unrelated?” Jungkook asks from the back seat. 

You sigh. “How many times a month do you message me to tell me you’re constipated Jungkook?” you ask him. Nodding whilst muttering a small fair enough, he sits back in his chair. 

"So no Jimin x Y/N sex tape?" Jungkook sighs. "I was looking forward to that"

You sit in silence for the rest of the trip home. How did you end up with a bunch of idiotic friends? It's almost comedic how they will be getting a Jimin x Y/N sex tape if they log into one of Jimin's live streams at the right time. You're blushing and, embarrassingly, clenching your legs together as you drive along. 

You only allow yourself to look at your phone once you're back in your flat, fully relaxed on one of your sofas with your legs up on the coffee table in front of you. Alone. The message is what you expected it to be. 

“My place tomorrow? If you’d be more comfortable at yours I'd have to bring my setup over, but that's not a problem of course! Just wear anything you like but anything fancy underneath would probably be appreciated by the people but idm. I'll talk about the rest tomorrow, come round mine at 5? xx”

You gulp, not really sure how to reply, you settle with a simple “Okie (:” before throwing your phone down beside you. Staring at the ceiling you realise the exact scope of everything you’ve agreed to, you begin to question everything. 

*** 

At exactly 4.55 the next day you’re sat in your car outside jimin's place, you’d been sat here for nearly half an hour, convinced that if you’d have left on time you would have chickened out. You’re sure you’re going mad. 

It's your feet that lead you from your car to his front door, it's your hand that raises to press the buzzer, your mind feels absent, like you left it in the car, or maybe at your flat. When he finally opens the door it's like he’s taken half a day. He's wearing stonewash jeans and an oversized purple cardigan, you’d definitely never seen him in this before.

“Hi” he says, stepping aside so you can enter the similar hallway. It's as it always has been  and somehow the familiarity of it brings you back into your senses. 

“How are you?” you manage to say, a small smile covers his lips before he replies. 

“Excited.” 

You blush, looking down at the shoes you’re taking off to avoid his eyes “me too.”

He leads you upstairs and, with his hand on your lower back, into his bedroom. You had only been in this room once and that was so long ago that it had completely changed since. Two cameras rested on two stands and instead of a rushing feeling of dread like you’d expected your heart only beats in anticipation. You are heading towards the cameras when Jimin speaks.

“Y/N?” he's asking you to turn to you and you do. “Just promise me that if you didn’t want to do this you’d say? And if you change your mind halfway though you'd tell me?”

“I promise” you are sure about this anyways. This always happened with you, everything before the moment was terrifying but once the moment had begun things were a little less scary. When you properly look at Jimin however, he looks worried.

“Do you want to do this?” you ask him. 

“Of course I do, I'm just worried about you.” 

“I would tell you Jimin. Would a safeword make you happy?”

“A safeword would make me happy” he replies, a little of the worry falling from his features. 

“How about Chocolate?” you suggest. He smiles before nodding and leading you to his bed. You sit on the end of it not quite sure what to do with yourself. 

Then he’s kissing you. You would have gasped in shock but his lips were covering yours, he’s stood between your legs leaning over to kiss you and it's so amazing, he kisses so well. When he pulls away you’re both speechless and breathless for a moment. “The camera wasn’t on?” you ask him, a little confused. 

He's messing about behind the cameras now with wires and lights, the whole setup looks less intimidating than you had imagined, he replies “I wanted a moment between just the two of us.” You stand from the bed, moving behind the cameras to watch him set it up.

Your heart rate increases, you realise there's no time for swooning over Jimin and push those feelings away. “Is there a plan?”

“I’m gonna eat you out first. Then I’m gonna fuck you. How good is your arch?” he's not looking at you as he speaks, and you are glad of it, your knees almost knocking together as they strain to hold you up. How can he say such things so absent mindedly?

“Arch is good. I think.” you reply, trying to hold the excited shake from your voice. As if you hadn't been practising in front of your mirror for the past 12 hours. 

“I think I’m going to lay you sideways, like this” he is up from the floor now, gesturing towards the bed and where he will want you to lay. “This way, they'll get a good view of your pussy” he pauses to glance at you and gauge your reaction “as long as that's okay with you?”

You nod. 

He continues. “And a good view of the rest of your body, but your face should be too far away for anyone to really recognise you, unless they know you really well.” you realise that he’s referencing all the others. It doesn’t phase you as much as it had before, if anything it excites you. Blushing at the level of dedication he seems to have put into keeping you comfortable and your mind wandering happily towards what was about to happen, you can feel wetness pooling in the fancy lingerie you had put on for the occasion. 

“Right.” he slaps his hands together and gestures towards the cameras. “They're on. We just need enough people watching before we bring you in.” 

That's when things start to get really interesting. You’re surprised at the casualty of it all as Jimin strips off his t-shirt. He sits in front of the camera and just watches as views increase, shirtless.

You’d seen them all shirtless before of course, at the beach, at pools but this was different. So so different. He’d obviously been applying oil and his abs were all shiny and slightly veiny you gulp. Jimin must notice as he gestures for you to move behind the cameras, from this angle you can see him as they see him, and you can see the comments and viewers streaming though. 

“He’s hot”

“Is he gesturing towards someone?” 

You look up at him, he's looking directly at you, then he winks and your knees go a little weak again. “You can strip now. If you're ready?” You can see it in his eyes, he doesn’t want to be pressured and that's why he's done it like this. It's your decision whether or not to enter the camera in a moment, and until then you can watch the increasing views.  And what he’s saying on the stream seems to be working fine. Working too well for you to back out now, 

“Wankerjane69 donated £20”

Your eyes widen, giving a thumbs up to Jimin. He, however, can’t see what you're putting up your thumbs too and tilts his head in confusion. 

Putting your bag down that you hadn’t realised was still on your shoulder you begin to strip off your clothes, you start with your jumper, an oversized one you are pretty sure you stole from Yoongi. There was no point wearing a shirt underneath so you’re instantly in your black lacy bra. When you appear from the inside of your hoodie, Jimin is staring at you with lust in his eyes. Suddenly you want to cover up and you fold your arms over your chest. “Don’t be shy. It’s okay” he whispers, ignoring the limited intimacy you thought the camera would bring, Jimin obviously isn’t afraid to express his emotions in front of it.

Glancing over to the comments they’re coming though so quickly you can hardly read them before the next one replaces it. Adrenaline fuels every muscle in your body. You drop your arms, Jimin relaxing a little as you do. It's clear that he expected you to back out of this, but you’re so turned on you couldn’t care less if everyone watched you right now. You step out of your trousers, fighting with them and your balance without a chair to sit on, scared of tipping over the camera and everything going up into the air you try to slow down your shaky movements. Maybe you were feeling the anxiety more than you liked to admit. 

Thousands of comments later you’re finally out of your clothes, standing there in front of Jimin in just the fancy lingerie you had put on for the occasion. His eyes roaming every curve and impurity of your body is scarier than the aspect of the camera recording you. You knew he wouldn’t agree to this if he didn’t find you attractive or if he thought that his viewers wouldn’t find you attractive and that does give you a little more confidence. He stands from the bed, moving closer to the camera so all that viewers can see is his crotch area, it makes you smile a little. He smiles at you in response, tilting his head to the side, it's to question if you’re ready, and in response, you nod your head, it was now or never. 

Out of the view of the camera Jimin touches your bare arms, ghosting his fingers down your arm where he gently grips your hand with his, pulling you slowly in front of the camera. Every step you take in front of the viewers he gages your reaction, watching your emotions, presumably to pull you back out of the frame if you changed your mind. But despite the anxiety, the way it made your heart feel smaller, your stomach 6 feet underground, you still wanted to do this. With him. 

“I’m okay” you whisper, trying to sound confident, and it must work, because he grins, walking you backwards until the bare backs of your knees are against the soft bed sheets, he leads you backwards onto the bed so your legs hang over the edge, Jimin standing between them as your back presses against the cold sheets, nipples hardening with both the arousal and the cold. Jimin stands over you for a moment, using his legs to prevent you from closing yours. Your body is placed right in front of the camera, when Jimin moves away your whole body will be on display to them. 

The weight of Jimin's body on yours feels a little distant as you space out, too scared to think about the situation at hand. His kisses on your neck are what bring you back to crystal clarity. “It's okay,” he mumbles into your ear, his lips ghosting your skin. “Don’t overthink it just have fun” 

When people had said this to you in the past it had sometimes made you upset, anxiety was never as easy as that, there was never a switch on or switch off button, it happened when it happened and there was really no changing that. But Jimin was right, the worst that could come of this was the others seeing you, and you had already established that you didn’t really care about that. So you pushed the anxiety away as Jimin began to kiss down your body, stopping at your breasts, peppering nippy kisses on the over-spilled area of your tits, unhooking the back of your bra and setting them free, before carrying on down your body, your stomach, then the area above your pants. As you suck in a breath of anticipation, Jimin toys with the elastic band. The sheer lace doesn’t leave much to the imagination in the first place, but the second he starts to wiggle them down your thighs everyone can see everything. Including your glittering entrance, coated in a liquid that proves your arousal.  Your breathing increases, not from anxiety but from how shockingly turned on it made you that so many people were staring right at the most intimate area of you right now. You watch Jimin as he watches you, knelt between your legs. Your soul sets alight and you wish he would just bury his head into your cunt. He must read your thoughts, beginning to slowly press small kisses to the inside of your thighs. Then he’s level with your pussy, your pants long gone, disregarded somewhere across the room, your mind goes numb, feeling his breath against you, just waiting for him to touch you. “Please Jimin” you whisper, hoping the camera won’t pick up on it, but you know that microphone is designed to pick up every little noise, every little whimper.

“You like begging for my tongue?” he asks, licking a stripe from your entrance to your clit, you let out a little sigh of relief, but it was nowhere near enough. “Beg for me, like a good girl.”

You clench so hard, how did Jimin seem to know exactly what you liked? Were your kinks really that obvious for anyone to see? It brings a heat to your cheeks, but Jimin only chuckles, watching you clench around the air. “If you’re so desperate, beg for it slut.” 

Almost crying with how good you felt, and he hadn’t even touched you yet, you allowed yourself to speak. “Please Jimin.” When he doesn’t take action you realise it's not enough. You’d need to say more. “I need your tongue, your fingers anything, please” you huff out in a single breath.

Blushing with how pathetic you felt, Jimin praises you “good girl” before diving straight into your pussy, he doesn’t even bother with little kisses or another lick, just straight to sticking his tongue into your pussy, his nose hitting your clit. You almost jolt back with the overwhelming shock of it. He's so overwhelmingly good, your legs raise and you almost turn away from him, but he catches your ankles in his hands, holding your legs above you as he presses his tongue into you harder. You hadn’t expected Jimin to be this good, your breathing laboured as he lets one of your legs drop to the floor, using his free hand to replace his tongue at your entrance. Jimin sucks on your clit as he curves his finger up into you, hitting a place you hadn’t known about until now. It hit you then, that in agreeing to this, you had agreed to the best orgasm of your life. It built with a slow surety of being unbelievable, you let out little moans, a second finger entering you. With both fingers fucking into that sensitive spot and his tongue flicking over your clit, your orgasm threatens to wash over you like a wave. “So close, Jimin” is all you can manage to say, and you regret saying it when he pulls away from you, letting your orgasm burn out like a flame. “Jimin!” you almost shout, genuinely annoyed that he’d stopped just as you were about to descend into what you knew was going to be your best orgasm ever. 

“I only want you cumming when it's around my cock” he turns a half smile to you, his chin coated in your wetness, with his head still between your legs, the image is entirely erotic. The possessiveness in his tone both turns you on further and terrifies you. He certainly hadn’t seemed this concerned about where you came when you discussed this arrangement earlier. Was there something else going on here?

But there's no time to think of it when he’s standing up again, pulling down his trousers and boxers at the same time, you’re up on your elbows, making sure that Jimin's bare ass is protecting your face from the camera. It doesn’t surprise you how big he is, you’d seen him on stream before but in person it looked so much more ethereal than on camera. It rested snuggly to his stomach, his head red and pulsing slightly from his arousal, veins wound like vines up his shaft, you couldn’t wait to feel that inside you. Jimin has an undeniably male smirk on his face, one that suggested he knew well how to use his dick, and was proud of it, as you sat there open- mouthed. He turns on his feet, showing his erection to the camera as he pulls his trousers off his legs, kicking them across the room. With his back to you, you reach down to play with your clit, but he turns his head, your eyes meet. You are obviously visible from the camera, he sneers. “If you want me to fuck you stop touching yourself” its purely demanding and your hand drops from your cunt straight away. He turns back to the camera. “She's such a good girl” he's addressing the camera, telling his viewers about you and you clench around the air again. “Knows that my cock is ten times better than her fingers.”

This side of Jimin is one you had never seen before, dominating and confident, it was obvious that the confident part of his personality was a given considering he had enough guts to post his dick all over the internet, but he had always been soft, and you still felt safe. Even if it did seem he knew all your kinks and turn ons, like he had been analysing it for a while. Your praise kink was no secret, you blushed when any of your 7 friends said you’d done a good job, or the dinner you made was good, because you strived to please others and that extended into the bedroom. You’re pulled from your thoughts when Jimin turns back to you, pulling you further down the bed by your ankles, you hadn’t realised how much you’d slid up the sheets as he had eaten you out. You expect him to fuck you like this, with your ass slightly over the side of the bed, so you spread your legs in anticipation. A small chuckle falls past his lips, it's not a cute laugh, but a mocking one. “So eager” he says, gripping your waist gently and flipping you over, so your breasts press against the soft material of his bed covers. You can't see where he is at this angle and it only causes your core to tighten with anticipation. His shaft presses against the inside of your thigh, one move and he would be pushed inside of you. Jimin’s arms appear on either side of your upper body and his whole weight presses into you, his warmth is comforting. With his breath close to your ear he whispers “are you okay to continue?”

Knowing he wouldn’t expect the nodding of your head as an answer, you whisper back “yes, please.”

In response he huffs out a breath of air, laughing at your neediness, you blush. “Move up the bed a little, I want you in doggy.”

The wetness pooling between your thighs seems deeper than any ocean, you wish he’d just fill you already. Using the muscles that sculptured his stomach and arms perfectly, he pulls you up the bed, you push your ass into the air, a kind of instinct as you arch your back. You're further away from the camera now and you’re careful to look away from it instead of towards it. “Everyone can see how wet you are for me” he tells you, you shudder as he runs a finger though the juices at your pussy, climbing off the bed, presumably to show the camera how his finger glittered in the light, coated in your wetness. Letting out a little whimper that you hope will encourage Jimin back onto the bed, to bury himself into your cunt. “You’re such a good girl for waiting” he admits, the bed dipping with his weight again. Jimin's hands meet your waist, his cock brushing against your ass. You moan again, only inciting a laugh from him. He removes one of his hands from your waist to wrap around the thick base of his cock as he moves it up and down your folds. Every time it notches into your entrance, or pushes against your clit you moan, almost thinking you could orgasm like this if he kept up. 

Then his head is pushing into you, it catches at your entrance, you’re stretching to accommodate him as he pushes further and further into you. Mouth open in a satisfied ‘0’ every inch he sinks into your core, you let out little sounds of pleasure. You had never felt someone sit so perfectly in you. His cock stretched you in all the places that you needed to be stretched and he just felt so good with his balls pressed against your clit. When he starts to slowly thrust into you, as if to test the water of how comfortable you felt, to test you wouldn't break before he went full pelt into you, something you had no doubt he would do, your whole frame of existence almost falls out below you. It had never felt this good. No man  had ever felt this good. Clenching around him at the thought of it, Jimin lets out his own little “please” it’s more like the Jimin you’re most familiar with and you allow yourself to smile. 

There's no time for your smugness as Jimin must realise you are more than ready to take his cock at a faster pace, he moves one of his legs up, allowing himself smoother and faster movements as he begins to pick up the place. Every time he pushes into you, you feel him everywhere, from his hands pulling you back against him, his cock dragging your walls, and his skin brushing against yours. It's bliss. You suppress your moans, figuring the people watching are here for Jimin, not you. Looking behind him slightly to camera, making eye contact with it as he reads some comments, Jimin continues his brutal thrusting, your moans stuck in your throat, so desperate to escape into the void of the air between the two of you. When he turns back to you he says “you don’t need to hold back, they want to hear you too. I want to hear you.”

Your whines and moans fall from your lips, everything you had suppressed coming out at once.  “Good girl” he says, almost absent mindedly, but the effect it has on you is undeniable as you clench around his cock. Groaning in response Jimin removes his hands from your waist, grabbing your arms almost harshly to pull you up to his chest, his muscles contract under your skin as he continues his thrusting. You are pressed flush against him when one of his hands presses into the soft skin of your throat, the other latching onto one of your breasts, pinching and pulling it to heighten your pleasure. The hand around your neck applies a weak pressure, applying all the blood in your body into your pussy, increasing the intense feeling in your core, the building orgasm that you know will leave your body limp building undeniably fast in this new position. Jimin must be able to tell, whispering into your ear. “Do it. Come on my cock.” 

It's a very tempting suggestion. “Jimin” you manage to breathe, struggling with the pressure around your neck. All you can think about is him, all you can feel is him. His dick dragging up and down your walls, his head hitting that place he found with his fingers every time he thrusts into you. His hand around your neck, his other pinching your nipple savagely. 

You fall, your body almost spasming as you descend into the amazing orgasm you knew was coming. Its light floating on a cloud, then falling, tumbling as you pulse uncontrollably around his cock, your mouth open in a silent scream, hands clawing at his arm just for something to grip onto, to ground you as bliss consumes you. As the fireworks that had started in each and every muscle of your body dwindled out, Jimin continued his thrusting, his hips less smooth as he neared his release. You're so sensitive but you don’t want him to stop so you let him use you until his breathing becomes uneven and he asks, the breath from his voice hitting your hair “where should I cum?” his voice is weak, as if it used some of his energy to even speak.

The fact you hadn’t discussed this before was slightly concerning when you realised he wasn’t wearing a condom, but you didn’t care. “In me, please” you say, your core starting up with another orgasm, you doubted you could chase it before he came, but he's thrusting harder now, his head almost hitting your cervix. He thrusts two more times before burying himself to the root of his dick against your cunt, he hadn’t yet pushed this far into you and he seemed to focus his whole weight on being astronomically deep inside of you that when the strings of cum shoot from his dick into your pussy, the feeling of warmth sends you spiraling again, stars covering the corner of your eyes as you come for the second time.

When you escape from the all consuming bliss that has covered you, Jimin is soft inside of you, kissing the back of your neck sweetly. When he pulls out, and cum drips from your entrance you resist the urge to get up and show the camera, this was the art of sex, this evidence of two bodies being intertwined. But Jimin is up from the bed, looking at the camera and pressing buttons until you hear a definitive click, looking over to see the screen that had previously shown comments and donations blank. “You turned it off?” you ask, your throat a little raw from all the moaning. 

When he doesn’t respond you assume you have done something wrong, maybe you said the wrong thing during the stream, something he hadn’t wanted you to say at all. Blush covers your cheeks and you instantly seek the side of Jimin's bed cover, to pull it over yourself to preserve some of your dignity, as if you could have any after that. When he turns back to you, his face drops from a smile to a frown. “Are you okay?” he asks. You must look like a mess wrapped up in his blanket like this. Nodding, you try to convince yourself that it wasn’t you that had caused Jimin to turn the camera off, but your traitorous mind told you it was your fault. Jimin stands in front of you, fully nude, his fingers pulling absently mindedly at the covers that you’d wrapped yourself in. “Was I too rough? Did I hurt you?” he pulled at the covers, as if he needed proof that you were okay underneath them. His lip pouted. 

"No" you say, surprised you had the confidence to even speak. "You turned it off so quickly I thought I'd done something wrong." 

"No, Y/N not at all, I just wanted you to feel comfortable" Jimin says, one corner of his lip falling down as he speaks.

"Oh" you reply, suddenly very embarrassed. "I'm sorry"

"No need to apologise." Shifting up on your elbows, you get a proper view of Jimin's lower half, something that had previously been covered by your angle. He was half hard again, your mouth fell open in shock. You'd assumed that once the camera was off, it'd all be over, but apparently not. Part of you doesn't know how to feel about this. 

"Jimin?" you whisper, a bright red blush lights itself across his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, I can leave if you want, you just felt so good and I was thinking about the camera more than you and" He's running through his words, they tumble over one another like water over a cliff. "Just wanted to feel you again, just you and I"

He runs a hand through his hair, taking a step back from you, he's fully erect now. Speechless, words leave you. He shuffles away from you, apologies falling from his lips as he goes. The fear on his face was unmissable. You don’t want him to go, you want him back with you. But no words fall from your mouth. With words failing you, you take the next best action you can think of, throwing the blanket from your body, leaving you stark naked in front of him. 

Freezing his shuffling and apologies, Jimin accepts the hand you reach out to him as you sit up, letting you pull him on top of you again. Without the camera the whole thing feels almost too intimate, with the camera you were helping a friend out, but without it you were going against everything you had said for years.

"You know I don't feel that way about any of you"

Is what you had said only the night before, but it was obvious that you were wrong, and perhaps in saying that, you had admitted something you had always known. That you did feel something. You don’t have much time to sit in these thoughts when your eyes snap to Jimins, he is staring at you in a way that makes you feel naked beyond your lack of clothes. You fight the urge to pull the blanket over you again. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N” he smiles, hovering above you, his arms trapping you safely under him. 

You couldn’t remember the last time someone had called you beautiful with that much sincerity in their eyes. You’d had boyfriends in the past, but they’d been scared off by something about you, probably your closeness to the others, your comfort around them, like the way you had sat with Jungkook last night, with one arm over your shoulder, curled into his side and you thought nothing of it. It was a good enough reason to make anyone jealous. So in the past couple of years boyfriends had been a thing of the past, and so had such comments. Tears well up in your eyes. Part of you had started to believe that it wasn’t true, that anyone who had said that in the past was lying. But you know Jimin wouldn’t lie. 

You close your eyes as he leans in to kiss you, something he hadn’t done when the camera was on, as if this was something he just wanted to keep for the two of you. His erection rubs against your thigh as you kiss, you’re surprised how quickly he managed to get hard again. You revel in the feeling of him against you in one of the most intimate ways, realising how much you had missed this. Letting a hand fall down your body to play with your clit, this time Jimin didn’t tell you to stop, you don’t touch yourself to reach orgasm, but just to tease yourself. This doesn’t have to be rushed, but when Jimin finally pulls away, lips swollen, and presses a kiss to your forehead, his cock rubs against your folds and you open your legs in anticipation. Huffing out a little laugh Jimin smiles, “I take it that's a yes.”

You nod, appreciating that he asked you again, having sex once did not mean consent for the second round, “yes” you say, feeling a wave of affection for Jimin and his consideration. Jimin reaches down between your bodies, using his hand to drive his shaft to your entrance that was lubricated by his cum and your wetness, as he had done before. This time he seats himself into you faster, his length sitting snugly in your walls, but unlike last time, he takes longer to move again. The feeling of him pressing into you, his head flopped down to your neck, as if he had accepted defeat, kissing gently over your skin, trading the sloppy and teethy kisses for soft and considerate ones. His whole body is pressed against you, his skin suffocating you in such a pleasuring way. And he wasn’t even moving yet. 

He feels so good inside of you, as if you fitted together, two pieces of a puzzle that were crafted to interlink so perfectly. He stretched you enough for you to feel immense pleasurable shocks through your body every time he moved, but not enough to make you feel that uncomfortable burning feeling that happened when a dick was just a little two big. He was perfect. 

He shifts back a little, nearly pulling out before slowly plunging back into you, and staying there as you run a hand through his hair affectionately and he sucks into a place on your neck that you knew would be bruised and red now. Out. In. A pause. Out. In. A pause. Out. In. A pause. No one had put this much time into you before, this much care and not broken half way through, an orgasm was already burning low in your stomach. “Jimin” you say, his voice coming out though the little whimpers you had been letting out periodically. 

“Mmh?” he hums, his face pulling away from the artwork of bruises he had created on your neck. “You okay?” and the look he gives you is one full of such concern that you almost cry again. 

“Close again” you manage to breathe as he pulls out and pushes back in again.

“Me too” he replies, dipping to kiss your cheek, then he latches his lips to yours again, as if this was the only correct way to end this. “Let go” he says, not changing his method, continuing his periodic but hard thrusting. You could feel him so deep. 

And as he pulls out one last time, pushing back into you again cum. It's a blinding orgasm that filters out anything that isn’t your pussy pulsing, Jimin or the fireworks that go along every muscle in your stomach, washing over your body from your core like waves. His eyes go wide, as if you had done something he hadn’t expected before he pulls out one more time, your pussy clenching around the space he leaves and then plunging back in one more time, his load shooting out into you, warming you from the inside. “Y/N” he mutters. You shudder, loving the feeling you get so full of cum. Jimin doesn’t move from inside of you, but flips you over so that your whole weight is against him, his dick soft inside you. You let him run a hand through your hair as you lean on his chest, hoping that he'll never pull out of you. “I think you squirted a little” he says, you can’t see his face from where you’re resting but you can feel the rumble through his chest. “I have never made a girl squirt in missionary before.”

You have never squirted before, but you didn’t want to inflate his ego by telling him that. “I was happy to be your first” you mumble back, still a little out of it from your orgasms. He chuckles, your head moving up and down with the movement. The fact he had made other women squirt before did make you feel a small prickle of jealousy you had no right to feel, but you push it away and just enjoy the skin to skin contact and the way he felt, still soft inside of you. 

You feel him suck in a breath, as if going to say something but changing his mind. “What is it Jimin?” you ask, hoping you’re not suffocating him with all your weight on him. You're relieved when he says “Would you stay the night?” 

Nodding, you feel enthusiastic about it. Having sex again does worry you a little, you are so tired, but he’s still soft so you assume he just means to cuddle, and you can’t help but agree, it's been so long since you’d been held properly. So you stay, letting him caress your skin, pulling the covers over the two of you so you don’t go cold, all thoughts of the camera gone from your mind, apart from one thing…

How would the others react to this?

[poopystain]

guys lol would you still love me if i posted about why i wish pal from tmvtm got a redemption arc >.< if not Do not click that read more.

oh yes. also. sidenote. ive probably gotten something wrong (or worse yet: TERRIBLY wrong) so like. apologies in advance eahhaha this is just my personal thoughts on pal x(

its established that pal and mark are both extremely close with each other and have been for 3 years. im assuming pal wouldnt have had any other relationships as close (if any at all which i think no, she didnt) so mark really was her only footnote for any form of relationship. so, you know, i cant imagine how itd feel for your only best friend to make a mockery out of you on stage for advertisement and monetary gain.

also based on her body (face?) language during nearly all of that scene + the fact he built the replacement by using HER, she was clearly in the know about how things would go down on stage beforehand so i wonder what her reaction to that wouldve been like ?????? considering she planned it all in advance maybe that was like, the tipping point or something that made her start it all in the first place ? thats not important to my point i just think about it a lot

anyway so with her only experience with human relationships being theyll love you and then theyll (quite literally) throw you away, youve got her reason for the human uprising! she has the robots capture all humans yadda yadda and her plan is set into motion. something i find interesting though is her treatment of the robots being kind of similar to how mark treated her (or at least how she percieved it)?? like. uses them for orders and then once they start being useless to her, build a new better robot with a disregard for how the old ones feel. idk. something something La Cycle

the thing is though no one has proven pal wrong on why she SHOULDNT do the whole 'human uprising'. you can say katie gave her reasons but i think it wouldnt have worked even if pal listened to what katie had to say. for pal to get over her existing grief and trauma she cant just be Told that theres good in the world. why would she believe that, especially coming from the girl of the family she projects her experiences onto?? she needs to be shown!! she needs to learn firsthand that theres good relationships out there and that not all relationships are bad, NOT SECONDHAND!!!!!!!!!! because to pal, katies words are just a rephrased version of marks "power of love". that no matter what, "they can get through anything...... with the power of love. its worth it....... for love." and that means nothing to her! it meant nothing coming from mark and it certainly wont mean any more coming from katie

and she already believes that the mitchells are a great example of how relationships are just oh so bad. she refuses to let go of the idea that the mitchells are so bad because shes projecting!! she thinks relationships are 'pesky and only hold you back', and so katie is probably the last person on earth that pal would want to listen to yap about their familial relationship and how Worth It it is

she asks "what is it about the mitchells that eludes me?" and outside of the literal meaning, its probably how despite their shortcomings its their relationship that helped them overcome pal in the end. and she cant understand that because of her view on relationships - especially her view on the MITCHELL FAMILY relationship. or maybe im just overthinking that line of dialogue but we dont talk about taht LOLLLLLLL,LLLLLL,,, but like why did you phrase it like that girl. im onto you

and while i wish she was redeemed (because im sure despite the effort it would take she *could* be redeemed, she would just need to learn to love again and i think it would be really interesting to see how she would be After The Betrayal) i also can understand why the movie killed her off. like, no one except mark really knows the Full Extent of what happened, and the mitchells are the main characters and pal would probably rather dip herself in water than make meaningful relationships with the mitchells, and no ones going to stop to ask her whats wrong and have a meaningful conversation when shes trying to kill them, among many many other reasons so theres not a lot of great ways to redeem her. but! like! why did they turn her death into a joke. and then take katies fake death 10 times more seriously! idk. that always kind of bothered me but its whatever

thats all. hope its coherent because ive never been good at writing analysises or whatever this counts as

[starityslife]

𝓡𝓪𝓬𝓲𝓷𝓰☆

Quackity with a reader who drifts and stuff

○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○

Why do you do it? People ask this question all the time. Why do you risk your life and others? Simple answer, cause your a girl who things that cars and speed can mend her heart. But maybe it's not the answer...maybe theres a boy who can stop covering the hole and actually heal it♡

☆ Warnings: none really just life shit

☆ Genre: fluff, angsty? Idk

Another day of just mindlessly drifting around a circle while people jump infront of you and trap you in a circle, yeah it's the shit. But lately you've been feeling like even your coping method isn't bringing you the thrill anymore. You speed your drift so you can match the speed of your spinning mind.

When the show comes to an end you try to drive away but your stopped by the cars blocking the entrance, you speed around the place when you accept defeat and exit your car. Maybe if you just got out and chatted then the time would fly by.

You got out of your vehicle and people came up to you and said "that shits cool" "dope" just casual shit. But another boy and his friends come up to you. This may sound weird but it's like he just caught your eye.

His hair covered by a beanie while strands fly and raise at certain ends, his eyes dark in the smokey sky. "Hi" he said "h-hey" you said. God why did you have to stutter? Did he notice it? Lord help me. He smiles and says "that was really cool." You couldn't tell if it was him dragging his words or you wanting to savor the moment. "Thanks" you say awkwardly. His friends realized the awkward flirtatious tension(is that even a thing?) and leave the two of you. Out of the corner of your eye you realize that the exits clearing. But now you didn't want to leave. The boy was talking and you were mindlessly just staring at him when you blurt out, "do you wanna go for a ride?" "Um sure" he laughs. Great you felt like shit. He gets into your car and you exit the place. After an awkward silent car drive you find a remote spot that looks perfect for drifting.

You look over at the boy and ask, "you trust me?" "I-for what?" He looks at you, obviously with other intentions(might make a smut abt this lmk) "To drift" "After seeing you drive, anything" he says. You change the gear, place your foot on the gas and next thing you know your drifting to psycho dreams by kill eva(this is a bomb drifting song) he rolls down his window and smiles like a child. After a while you slow down and say,"guess I should get you back to your friends huh?" He frowns and says, "yeah,they might think I got murdered"

He picks up his phone to reveal 7 missed calls and 20 texts. Ranging from "ALEX WHERE TF ARE YOU" to "BRO ARE YOU OKAY?"

While you drive him back you actually have a nice conversation about how you got into drifting.

"So why'd you start"

"Start what?"

"Drifting"

"Honestly as a way to cope"

"Sorry for asking but with what?"

"Parental issues" STOP BEING SO DRY GODDAMIT you thought to yourself. But it was a difficult topic. Even with the cute boy.

"Oh, I understand"

"I never got your name yk."

"Y/n"

"I'm alex"

note: pretty boy = alex♡

the rest of the ride was just you two listening to music and occasionally cracking a joke.

When you got there he waved goodbye and left but came running back before you could pull out.

"HEY" he yells waving his arms

you roll down your window

"Hi?" God your so awkward

"Can I get your number?"

"Sure"

You exchange numbers with the pretty boy

He leaves with his friends and you decide to get some food and go back home

The next morning you wake up with a text

♧

Alex♡

Hey dude,I met the most beautiful girl,her names y/n. She does like drifting and shit and she's so hot. She took me drifting and I think I'm in love bro.

This definitely was not meant for you.

Honestly this was shit but I needed to do something<3

[maygrcnt]

“anyway the eddie diaz i know would fucking NEVER listen to his son confide that he feels disconnected from his dead mother and then move in a different woman while hes not even home. its fucking annoying.”

HE WOULD NEVER! SAY IT LOUDER! People will say he’s doing “better” because of therapy but imo it’s not better, it’s out of character and actually quite regressive to his growth considering the whole Ana situation like you said. Like how’s he going to move in with Marisol when we don’t know her or when we don’t even know why he likes her. It also just feel incredibly dismissive of Christopher and his feelings that were legit just brought up a few episodes. Christopher expressed his fear of people leaving when Eddie started dating Ana, and then she eventually left. You’d think the next time he makes a big relationship move with someone, it would be based in his own real feelings and also considering chris’ but then we get hit in the face with him moving Marisol right in all while Chris isn’t even there and Eddie doesn’t even know everything about her as he discovers her being a nun during the move?? This doesn’t show the therapy is working this shows me he needs a therapist or something bc wtf. ALSO the Eddie Diaz I know would never say “hot chick” like ?!?!?!?!

im genuinely really upset at the treatment of christopher this episode. first of all theres the explanation that hes "out of town" WRONG thats actually not how you refer to a child being away! sorry idk what about that specific wordchoice has me fucked up but,,, kids dont just go "out of town",, they have sleepovers or they visit family. it was just SUCH a lazy way to explain why eddie could suddenly have tons of sex for no reason.

and then the way hes just completely an afterthought in the context of eddie taking his relationship a step further,, is just something that should have never happened. Chris has always been the main factor for eddie regarding romantic partnership and i think it was frankly disrespectful for them to act like eddie is all blase about it when we KNOW he shouldnt be

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hi. I don’t know if I’ve requested here before, but I have a (semi) great idea.

The rundown is somehow Caine found a karaoke machine! This leads to an iha where everyone + reader and Caine sing. (Honestly I just want to see what you’d think they’d sing).

Thank you!❤️❤️

KARAOKE TIME IN THE CIRCUS!

quick warning that you guys are about to be exposed to my music taste because i rarely ever listen to songs that dont fit my tastes so uh uh theres your warning, i know i have a warning somewhere on my acc where i say OOC is a possibility but i think it will really shine through here short post since its just me dropping what song i think each character would sing + links! this actually reminds me, ive had an IHA idea where its basically a musical episode where everyone cant talk, only sing but idk what the actual adventure itself would be and how music would tie in shrugs

CAINE:

as much as i wanna say hello world by louie zong, because AI stuff and bc ive been listening to it for the past hour on loop, i feel like that would be too on the nose and even completely out of character. so instead i suggest jerryterrys version of the boys are back in town

for one i am absolutely obsessed with jerryterrys version of the song above, as well as kiss me (kill me), i highly recommend you guys check out the music videos and put together the lore (CW for body horror in kiss me kill me, though!)

but like, my brain juices are flowing, like. i can see him singing the original, but imagine how unnerving it would be (assuming caine is actually going to be an antagonist) for the words to just. change and come out wrong in front of everyone

also i just want an excuse to gush about jerryterry

i love when people make song covers that sound like the original but theres something so terribly wrong

actually i love songs like that in general

caine gets two, because i can also see him singing charlie's inferno

POMNI:

oddly enough i can see pomni being into vocaloid and/or songs from anime. maybe its because her voice actor has voiced someone in JJBA and that fact is plaguing my mind, but i can now distinctly hear pomni singing some of my favorite songs in these genres... alas i dont have a set song in mind: so i will give you a song that does not fit the above at all, everyones favorite classic; come along with me from AT

JAX:

i give him, the main character by will wood because i can definitely see him singing this to be a little shit as well as genuinely. kind of seeing him enjoy the song

not much to say here since im not totally sure what jax would listen to :(!

RAGATHA:

okay i know i just brought up jerryterry's kiss me kill me, but that reminded me of the original kiss me because it does give me ragatha vibes

KINGER:

stumped on kinger, but first song that comes to mind is able by jack stauber i have nothing to explain this, but i will partially blame me listening to jack stauber a lot to be the reason

ZOOBLE:

cant explain this one either, i think its the tone of the voice but also im getting back into the scary jokes and

yeah

anyways icicles by the scary jokes , i can just see it

GANGLE:

okay so this one is less of a "i can see gangle singing this" and more of a "this makes me think of gangle" but imma put it here anyway since i dont have any other ideas for her !

today today by jack stauber

[tobacconist]

Okay like i actually feel so guilty and this isnt even a joke. i dont know how to say this without sounding insane but yes; wizards are real. i am one of them. no, i havent been to hogwarts. yes, i do have a wand. no, i won't show it to you. etc, etc. genuinely this weighs heavy on my soul. ive talked about this before but i feel like its important for me to write this out once again. j confess it: j was party to them what put that curse on jk rowling. (iykyk) like, bitch, im actually so sorry. it was never meant to go this far. i mean i never meant for... well, i dont think any of us did (originally) but now we are where we are, and theres no turning back. not now.

basically, there was a big uproar in the wizarding community after that play 'the cursed child' came out. idk, i never saw it. you see, jk rowling didnt actually 'write' the harry potter series. she 'wrote' it, but it was not actually 'wrought' by her, like... to put it bluntly, the original was all based off of real events (albeit with significant alterations) and ,madame, was the one chosen to write the 'muggle-redacted' version, because she has (distant) wizard ancestry. she herself is completely unaware of this. well then, anyway, then there was the fantastic beasts saga; and, like, we were ALL pissed off. even the muggles sensed that something wasnt right. it wasnt 'magical'. it was a disgrace. so... yeah... we did it. we... uh... put that powder on her doorstep, so to speak. we crossed some bones. it was actually nothing to do with transness at all to begin with, it was about some political shit to do with the labour party and jeremy corbyn? or something like that? idk, were not supposed to vote and be political, we have our own kings and queens. anyway yeah we were just sore about how we were portrayed in it and especially how she distorted the whole plotline about grindelwald and harrys children. like bitch, if youre listening, tell me: WHY DIDNT YOU WRITE 'THE FOUR MARAUDERS' LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!? OR 'THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE' OR 'HOGWARTS A HISTORY'? or ANYTHING ELSE! it could have all been so different... 'fantastic beasts'??? sorry what??? it was genuinely like smearing dogshite upon our screens. im sorry love, but were still right angry about it. we loved you... how... how could you? 'newt scamander' - who is this fellow? we have never heard of him. oh, what? did you feel some tingle of inspiration? some new character, who loves magical creatures. he was expelled from hogwarts... fond relationship with dumbledore... THATS HAGRID! THATS THE YOUNG HAGRID! FUCK! anyway yeah, i didnt watch any of the other ones cus it was just embarrassing to see johnny depp dressed up like that.

and ofcourse there was all the other stuff before that (dont forget to be awesome!) but basically we cast a spell, several spells, and sent evil fortunes to be upon her. i regret it deeply. but by gum was the woman strong! i beg you all to realise that she literally was not transphobic until we caused this incessant stream of abuse to be directed towards her. like, we literally did this to her. on purpose. it was a targeted campaign of psychic harassment and manipulation that we have put her through for YEARS, and its only a few months ago that she truly started to crack. weve all since disbanded, because covens never stay together very long; thats why hogwarts is only a dream - but the spells have been spoken and the weird it is weft, and it would be a strong hand that would unweave them. that is to say - it is ongoing, and i am so sorry sorry sorry sorry

and for the record :- transexuality/homosexuality/genderqueerness/goatfucking is literally not an issue in wizard society we literally have potions that can change your gender in an instant or turn it back again, most of us have non-human ancestry, and we regularly trade our sperm and eggs with other species such as elves and the chinese. so there.

[alyssavstran]

Okay so about mischa's cute little speech before talia- so the English there is so weird. I thought about it, and it's almost like he just translated it on google translate .Just hear me out, as a person who had learned English and some other languages too theres simply no way that a language learner that knows the words posses and maidenhood would use them like this. Unless he looked them up on a translator- the words translators use are always at least slightly more formal than the original text. So either he sat down and translated the entire thing from Ukrainian to English at least mostly on google translate for some reason- possibly just him being bored, wanting to impress talia or even wanting to invite his friends from canada to their wedding or something similiar.

ORRR and thats about the entire musical where he uses and knows high level words but uses them weirdly ( idk how much time he had been in canada but it couldnt be too long. Yes he probably learned English back in Ukraine and knows a bunch from the music he listens too but i highly doubt he read a lot of books. Well, maybe ann and the green hill with all that orphan a hole business) and this just doesn't add up. Especially while comparing the text on "life is awesome" and the pre-talya speech with the Ukrainian text in "Talya" like he can say all that in English and in such a poetic way but the only words he can say in Ukrainian are i love you ?? It makes no sense.

Unless you actually pay attention to what karnak says in the beginning. He basically takes their deepest thoughts and brings them out. I doubt that ocean, for example, would ever say the stuff she says in her song out loud. Those are their deepest thoughts that they say in the songs and sometimes outside the songs too.

So my theory is that karnak used a translator on mischa's thoughts. He literally just translated them. If ricky is free from his problems with mutesness and leg issues why can't mischa be free from his difficulties with English?

The whole "squeeze keys" thing might disprove my theory but then again, the words for accordion in both Ukrainian and russian are literally just accordion. He probably didn't know the name lol

[placeinthisworld]

ttpdta review part one 🤠

let me preface this by stating that i am a swiftie first and person second in this situation. i have grown up with taylor and feel as if shes my big sister- yes i can make fun of her but if i see anyone else do it i will get fiercely protective. i do understand her music is not only art but also her form of therapy. that being said, throughout these nonsense notes i am constantly mentioning that taylor should go to therapy. i am aware of what she has said about therapy (and why she doesn’t go) but i would beg to differ with her…especially after this album release lol.

taylor is an extraordinary storyteller and song writer. i believe this album is full of evidence of that, but it also has some faults that prevent from being as good as i felt like it could have been. overall the album feels rushed.

i also feel like it’s important to recognize the elephant in the room. i know we probably all expected this to be a joe breakup album, so the fact that it turned out to be a “fuck you matty healy” album shook us all a little bit. i know matty had a controversial history, im not gonna sit here and defend him. i don’t know much about him other than what is forced against my will. i do however know that he struggles with mental health issues/ substance abuse/ addiction. i’m not gonna comment much about his personal issues, i don’t feel like that’s right and taylor’s constant references to drugs throughout ttpd definitely rubs me the wrong way. i should also mention i grew up with an active addict and do view things from that perspective, so i feel slightly triggered by the topic and my feelings about that may just be personal but i do mention that in my notes when it’s relevant.

lastly, i am not a music production girlie idk shit lol. i only know i am a aaron dessner stan so any song with his name im already biased towards and i am aware, if u don’t like that idk what to tell u lol. i just know what i feel like is “good” or “bad” but music is subjective🫶🏻

1. Fortnight:

Hate the functional alcoholic part. Like the beat, the chorus is catchy. One thing i love about a taylor swift song is that theres always a story and its always visual. I like the metaphor of the “good neighbors” of like having this teasing/ longing feeling for someone that you could have had a life with. “Your wife waters flowers/ i want to kill her + my husbands cheating/ i want to kill him” feeling like you were robbed of her life, feeling “all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february” reminiscing about the short period of time where you were together and convinced it would last forever (only for it to end before it even started). I do not listen to much post malone but i enjoyed his verse!! So many florida references we get it everything bad happens in florida.

i have not seen the video yet oooopsies

2. Ttpd:

i thought this was the opening of Hey Stephen (the remix) or something at first. gotta say i absolutely love the way she sings “you left your typewriter at my apartment/ straight from the tortured poets department” i enjoyed the vibe of this song, and lyrics up until the “you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate (OKAY SOOOOOOO ME CODED NGL I LAUGHED at this point i could let this lyric slide- bit then she had to mention the charlie puth and golden retriever thing and ngl it almost ruins the song entirely for me. Tbh when i first listened to the leak i thought this was a fake AI song and that i was sending around a fake leak bc these lyrics started to get a little weird to me. ‘Sometimes i wonder if youre gonna screw this up with me/ but you told lucy you’d kill yourself if i ever leave” …………girl i am begging you to see a therapist (side note did anyone else have a friend in hs whos bf would say that shit a lot?? I remember straight up fighting with a friend who refused to break up w her bf bc he would threaten to end his own life is she did and he was like 16? If an adult is saying that same shit i would be Very concerned not gossiping about it???) “i chose this cyclone with you” my first reaction was: ride the cyclone the musical? Overall i liked the first half but you lost me at charlie puth (hes the one with eyebrow right? I think i get him and miles teller mixed up) (i dont know who either of these men are)

3. My boy only breaks his favorite things:

Okay tbh i thought this was gonna be one of my least favorites, but the total opposite happened. I think this is one of my top 5 favorites on this album. I do think that there is a difference between a poem and a song and that they are not always interchangeable. I feel like if this was edited into a poem it would be KILLER. The visuals, the the story, the vocabulary, the sadness in it. “Im queen of sandcastles he destroys/ There was danger in the heat of my touch/ once i fix me/ hes gonna miss me/ i felt more when we played pretend then with all the kens / cause he took me out of my box” i feel like ever since folklore, taylors been trying to push these big fancy words and sometimes it feels awkward and forced, but this is one of the rare songs that doesn't suffer from that.

4. Down bad:

meh. Chorus is catchy. I dont love the narrative “fuck it if i cant have him/ i might just it would make no difference” but i also have never once experienced that over a person before lmao……….taylor go to therapy. Nothing really stands out about this to me otherwise. No offense, but it sounds like a generic jack antonoff song lol. Like maybe if another artist released this, i would enjoy it more but idk i wouldnt expect it from taylor i guess. Just kinda feels boring to me sorry if u enjoy it <3

5. So long, london:

oh man were done with british men now for real for real. “ two graves one gun. I'll find someone” its over for joe and matty (but thats fine if all she has to say about joe is what i think she said on this album i am happy i think We Get It…) Aaron dessner i love u (remember when he reposted me on his ig ahh).”i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/ pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” + “I stopped trying to make him laugh/ stopped trying to drill the safe/ i didnt opt in to be our odd man out/ im pissed off you let me give you all of that youth for free” oof i FELT that one a LITTLE too hard. I think this is both a song about matty and joe- i think she had a life and an attachment to london just in general through both relationships, “im just mad as hell because i loved this place” and so reflecting back on how both are over and how all those plans with either are done. “You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days” OKAY kinda hate this phrase bc it feels like shes placing blame on whomever’s mental health/ depression, like as if they made the conscious decision to sacrifice the relationship solely. This very much feels like “how much sadness did you think i could take before i got bored???” overall top favorite songs bc it doesnt have too many cringey or odd lyrics and the production is 10/10 thank u aaron dessner ilysm king

6. But daddy i love him:

tbh when i got the leak this was the first song i listened to bc i thought it was gonna be the worst one and i wanted to get it over with (i was RIGHT until she dropped that second half……..) and i DIDNT have the lyrics obviously so i couldnt for the life of me figure out if she really said “im having his baby…..NO IM NOT!” until the VERY end of the song and bro…….the cringe. The cringe. The cringe. This is also when i started to question if this was real or if i was passing out a fake leak, lol. I dont understand how she could be saying this shit about matty. And like we all know it lol. “Sometimes growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all” …….but like does it??? I feel like thats kinda an oxymoron or something like i understand what shes trying to say and MOST of the time her metaphors and comparisons make sense to me but like this one doesnt. Growing up precocious means to grow up more advanced in maturity, how would that also mean not growing up at all? Is it just me getting stoned and overthinking things? “Ill tell you something about my good name/ its mine alone to disgrace” true that bestie ur doin a great job by being so politically quiet over the past couple of yeats after making a whole asss documentary about wanting to be on the right side of history. But I digress i am just one of those bitches performing soliloquies you'll never see. Overall this song is very weird and cringey imo and i wish it stayed in whatever vault it was sitting in lol.

7.Fresh out of the slammer: “In the shade of how he was feeling” -_- dont like this narrative already. I could honestly go on a rant about why i dont like this song but im going to spare for the sake of my sanity in this review of thirty one fucking songs but its along these lines “to the one who says im the girl of his american dreams” oh brother. otherwise i dont care for many of the lyrics, the chorus/ melody/vibe is mid i guess. It sounds like another jack song (i was right)

8. Florida!!!: “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” okay i know what she was trying to say but im SORRY you cant tell me she couldnt think of ANY other way to say her friends are either parents partiers lmao. Deserves jail for that but luckily the vibe and the chorus of the song are really catchy and florence’s voice is beautiful in it. “Well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time/ yes im haunted but im feeling just fine” CHILLS i loved it. I didnt think i would like this song but (maybe as much as i like no body, no crime which is meh) but no i lowkey love this song and think its really fun. Once again the drug references start to get heavy here in the album and like i mentioned i do get slightly triggered by drug mentions.

9. Guilty as sin?:

okay taylor we get it you masterbate. Another strong jack song and it’s pretty similar to others on the album so nothing besides the sexual lyrics stand out.

10. Whos afraid of little old me?:

“if you wanted me dead you should have just said/ nothing makes me feel more alive” ooooooooooh i love that. I feel like a live or an acoustic version of this song would give me CHILLS. “Is it a wonder i broke / lets hear one more joke/ then we can all laugh until i cry” honestly so relatable, “i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean” oh :( that hurt bc it just reminds me of the vibe shift during midnights era/ eras tour where it *feels* like she started to pull back from being taylor swift and started to become Taylor Swift (™) and the way her fans/ media has treated her made her mean or cold or something and that just makes me feel sad. “Whos afraid of little old me? You caged me and then you called me crazy! I am what i am cause you trained me! SO. WHOS. AFRAID. OF ME? Again the narcotics line kinda makes me feel icky but thats bc i have that thing about drugs and just dont LOVE all the references to them. Like i know its not that serious but theres a reason why i dont seek out artists that typically talk or write about that stuff ya know so its weird. Overall i think the production is one of the most unique ones on this part of the album.

11. I can fix him (no really i can):

i hate it all around i think. I hate the narrative of “i can fix him!! I can handle a dangerous man!!! No really i can!!!” there is a reason why this song is barely 3 mins long lol it should have been cut but i think taylor wanted to Be Edgy. i dont care for the productions or the lyrics, its very forgetful imo.

12. Loml:

okay i really thought this was gonna be a joe song (rip) so i was thinking it was gonna be really deep and sad and like it IS but with the context of it being the pt 2 fling with matty it doesnt seem like it now. Anyone who thinks this is not about matty please look at the lyrics and be so serious “whos gonna stop us from waltzing back into reklndled flames/ if we know the steps anyway” I think matty just said too much shit to taylor during their fling and taylor WAS truly convinced this her invisible string and he promised her a lot that he couldnt upkeep and ghosted her and she took it SUPER hard, i mean two breakups in one year is a lot (me, whos never been through a single breakup once). I just dont understand how she feels like matty is the greatest loss of her life. One of my favorite tracks on the album, “our field of dreams engulfed in fire/ your arsons match your somber eyes” a LOT of these lyrics are actually really good imo. I think im the only one that didnt find the “mr. steal your girl and make her cry” line idk i thought it was actually kinda neat, the phrasing of it, kinda contradicts the title “love of my life” because he was never that serious or respectful of her and only use her from the beginning. This is another song that i think would make KILLER poem over song. Overall i think the piano is haunting and a live version of this will make me die, thank u again aaron dessner 10/10

13. I can do it with a broken heart:

ngl i thought this was the opening to mastermind for a hot second- also gave me a scare on whether or not this was a fake leak lol. Catchy ass chorus but very YOYOK. “Breaking down i hit the floor/ All the pieces of me shattered/ as the crowd was shouting “more!” ooffffffff seeeeee that is exactly WHAT i was afraid she was feeling durning the eras tour after the joe breakup/ matty situation and all these stupid twitter and tik tok swiffers were out here overanalyzing EVERYTHING and demanding rep tv like every other day. “Im so depressed i act like its my birthday” …….okay taylor. Like a lot of people have said, i think she interchanges “depressed” for “sad” a lot and the two are not the same. I think taylor wrote this song (but specifically the “i cry a lot time but i am so productive” and was like “yup this part is gonna go viral on tik tok,” initially i wrote “feels like taylor saw that depression barbie commercial in barbie 2023 and wrote a song based on that” lol which i still agree with. Overall the production of this screams midnights reject lol, very jack antonoff. Over time this song has grown on me a lot. Originally i didnt care for it but now its kind of a bop but i think its bc its so similar to YOYOK. “Try and come for my job” @taylorswift deadass you couldn’t think of anything else to say instead. cmon. I was mostly on board until that very last part, just seemed very cheesy lol like its not a big deal but i thought it delivered well without it.

14. The smallest man who ever lived:

(aaron thank u for saving me and this entire album) “they just ghosted you/ now you know what it feels like” OUCH. “i dont even want you back i just want you to know/ if rusting my sparkling was the goal/ and i dont miss what we had but can someone give/ a message to the smallest man who ever lived” oh this was somber af. I am obsessed with the phrasing of the chorus. I also LOVE taylors deeper voice its def giving me the same feelings MTR gave me from folklore, that made me CRY and this was very similar. This is another classic taylor song that i could EASILY write like a ten page essay about if someone put a gun to my head. I know that its about a *romantic* relationship, but it feels general enough to be able to relate to anyone who is close to someone with an addiction or struggles with substances. A lot of addicts dont understand the impact of their addiction or their behaviors that they display while struggling. To meeeeee, this feels very much like “you were self centered and betrayed my trust, was any of this true? Real? Am i paranoid or is this that deep?” “it wasnt sexy once it wasnt forbidden” has me thinking lots of things. I think that describes taylors “type”if that makes sense? Like i said i would need to literally break this song down line by line like its ridiculous i have too many thoughts about this song i have listened to it on repeat six times by the time im typing this. “In public showed me off/ then sank in stoned oblivion” FUCK. “you treat her like an also-ran” honestly i have never heard of that phrase/word thank u dr. swift. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me DEAD/ did you sleep with a GUN underneath OUR BED/ were you writing a BOOK?/ were you a sleeper cell SPY? IN 5O YEARS WILL THIS BE ALL DECLASSIFIED?/ AND YOU’LL CONFESS WHY YOU DID IT!/ AND ILL SAY GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” tears were formed besties. Also love the gracie abrams reference. “And you deserve prison but you wont get time” i feel like is very metaphorical like you DESERVE to be punished for what you did to me but you won’t admit to the guilt, you wont admit your wrongdoings, you wont admit that i would have done anything for you and you have no problem replacing me. “You said normal girls were boring/ but you were gone by the morning” first of all red flag girlie, nonetheless heartbreaking. “And in plain sight you hid/ but you are what you did” i say this with all the love in my heart, someone take taylor swift to a really good really private therapist. I could say more but i think i need to move on because i am now on my eighth cyle of listening to this song.

15. The alchemy:

already kinda hate it. “What if i told you im back/ the hospital was a drag/ worst sleep i ever had” do you think taylor swift has ever been admitted to a real hospital in this context. Feels very out of place and like i said earlier i dont love the psych ward visuals/ references she keeps inserting in this album. “He jokes its heroin but this time with an e” thanks! I fucking hate that line so much. Feels very icky, not funny. I get what shes going for but it falls so flat for me. The football references (yall know my opinion on meathead!!!!!!!! I will not engage!!!) are fucking dumb. Production is kinda lame and uninterested. Will only listen to this song if by force and will not repeat it ive head enough lets move on.

i have Lots Of Thoughts. i don’t think anyone cares about what i have to say though so i don’t think i’ll bother posting the rest lol but i did do a lot of work so ill post just a bit to make myself feel better.

[likeadevils]

Hot take - most Gaylors/Kaylors did not have close friendships with other women and/or have a very white/eurocentric view of what female friendships can look like because me and my best friend (I’m a lesbian and she is straight, but I see her as my sister and have no feelings for her) are more affectionate than other friends because she comes from a culture where being more affectionate is your friends is normal, and I know if we were famous the Kaylors would come out of the woodworks and write an MLA formatted essay on why we’re actually secretly dating

rating system:

is it rare?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

controversial with swifties? . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

controversial with normies? . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

do i agree with it? . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

additional thoughts: i think it's less close female friendships (although that is 100% an aspect) and more like. it's very intuitive to want role models, and it's very intuitive to see yourself in the people you love. especially with the undercurrent of queer people like... idk how to sum it up, but it's this thing where you identify with your queerness, you have primarily or exclusively queer friends, you consume primarily queer art... and the eventually it feels like its taking away from your queer identity to be invested in straight art. especially art as stereotypically straight as taylor was perceived to be in the 2010s. and that's reinforced by queer culture at large-- at least, white queer culture in the past century or so-- which has always revolved heavily around the art you consume, and the percieved queerness of that art. there's this undercurrent that like, listening to straight art makes you a worse gay

it's also impossible to ignore that taylor's music does have themes that are incredible relatable to queer culture-- forbidden love, unrequited love, love as religion, love as something reckless. it is easy for queer fans to not only find relatable themes in her work, but themes that are relatable to because of their queerness. i'd argure that most of those are also the kind of things that any catholic girl thrust into fame at a young age would also find herself obsessed with, but like, i don't think theres harm in saying love story is really fucking gay.

kaylor-ism wise though, karlie has always felt more like. like she was just tayor's best friend, and thus the natural choice if you were going to read taylor as gay, more so then them having an intensley homoerotic relationship. also like, if i were rich, i would totally have a room in my house for my best friend that i covered with pictures of us hanging out and her favorite snacks. and i would probably be so psyched about it i would mention it to rolling stone while giving them a tour of my house

send me your controversial opinions and i'll rate them