#listen. listen i made a chart for Evan and my god. just looking at it is a mess i cannot wait to fully do a knee-deep analysis and just!

[beetlethebug]

can't wait for the poor readers of "The Pilot Program's Guide to Falling in Love with Your Four Best Friends" to bear the brunt of my astrology hyperfixation

[lemmilemura]

You want some academic rivals to lovers? With a lil bit of spice at the end? You want that? I KNOW YOU DO SO HERE YOU GOOOOOOO For the fic, reader's last name is used, and instead of just putting (Y/L/N), I'm gonna use my O.C.s name, which is Evans. If you really don't like that I will go in and change it just lemme know <3

All kept gender-neutral Based on the show

"I'm really dreading the new seating charts, I know I'll be next to someone I can't stand in atleast one, I guarantee it." Bronwyn complained next to me. "Saaaaame. I can already see it..." Said Maeve. I just kept quiet. All of the teachers spontaneously got together and decided to change every single seating chart for every class. Nobody was happy with it, especially those who understood how the teachers liked to arrange things. Luckily they weren't the type of people to put asshole class clowns next to the quiet ones, that would have made this all even worse.

The thing is, they put those with similar levels of success and intelligence together, and in my class there was only one other person who matched me; we were the top two of our class, always really closely matched, and I hated it. "I feel really bad for you, (Y/N). I mean, you'll probably be put next to Si-" "Don't. Even. Think about it." I cut her off. "Even just the thought makes me wanna jump out of the window." Everyone in Bayview knew that putting Simon Kelleher and me in the same class was one of, if not the biggest mistakes the school system could have made.

"Sorry, forgot you two had beef that's been going on for centuries." She joked, but in part it was true. Ever since elementary we've been trying to out-do eachother 24/7, eventhough our families were actually friends. You can imagine how basically every thanksgiving and family-holiday ended up. In High School atleast we didn't have every class together, but the ones where teachers did the 'quality match-ups' we did of course. "You didn't forget, Maeve. Stop making it worse." Bronwyn lightly pushed her sister's shoulder. "It's... fine." I said, shrugging, trying to get to other thoughts.

The ring of the first bell of the day smashed me back down to reality though. I had 3 classes without him, then 3 with. (I dunno american school hours just go with it k fanks xD), I just had to survive 3 hours until lunch, then 3 more and I'd be free. "Praying to whatever god will listen that I'm spared." I did prayer hands and looked over at Bronwyn and Maeve. "Good luck." They said, and left. I checked my schedule on the way to my first calss, and, of course, there was a change. One of our teachers suddenly got sick, and since the first class was 2 hours of their class, they got changed. The last two basically got pushed to the front. 2 hours, 1 hour of freedom, and then 1 again.

"Well looky here. How fun. We get to go home early." I almost broke my phone in half with how tightly I was gripping it. I don't have time for this right now. I just ignored him and walked past, in the direction of our first class. "Not even a hello? You really are an asshole, huh Evans?" "Says you, Kelleher." I still refused to look at him. "Oh, so you haven't gone mute! Fantastic." He always seemed endlessly entertained by those one-sided conversations, I mean he had no friends so of course he appreciated any form of human contact.

"Who do you think they put us with?" He kept talking, and I kept walking. "Wouldn't it be fun if they at us next to eachother? I think it'd be hilarious." He greatly exatterated a smile. "Fuck off, Kelleher." I eventually managed to tune him out for the rest of the way to class. I was endlessly relieved when the door came into view. I just let it fall closed behind me, not giving a single fuck about if it may crush Simon. Kind of wanted it to. The teacher wasn't there yet, well their stuff was, they probably went to go get something.

On the whiteboard was written "Find the seat with your name on it" Simple enough. Some people were already at their seats, so I just maneuvred around those to look for mine. Mine was at the far side, at the window. Everyone knows the window seats are the best place to sit. Main character moment. I quickly set my stuff down and got to getting settled in. "I must be psychic, huh?" All my movement freezes. No. No. I beg you, whatever god is listening, NO. It takes a lot of courage to turn around and face him.

"Hello, neighbour" He said, with that shit-eating grin on his face. What being did I upset to deserve being stuck next to Simon Kelleher for almost 6 hours a week for the forseeable future? Which one? I'll apologize, AFTER BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. Luckily before anything could happen, the teacher got in, accompanied by one of the school staff who like take care of the building or something, not really sure. They were each carrying a giant box that seemed pretty heavy.

"Alright class, seems everyone found their seats, perfect. Now, in these boxes is a very important item for this class. To help teach you all about life and all that, we have decided to, for part of your final grade this year, set up a group project." The teacher explained, and immediately people started looking around the room and partner up with people, from anywhere in the room. "Now before you get too ahead of yourselves, the groups have already been decided." Fuck fuck fuck. I know where this is gonna go. Please no. I closed my eyes and put my hands infront of my face.

"The groups are groups of two." My life flashed before my eyes. "Your partner is the person you’re seated with. Simple as that. And no, there will be no changes to the groups." I’m ready to jump out the window, salute the teacher and just die. "Well, whatever this’ll be, I have to admit we’re probably gonna do good since, and this is in no way a compliment, we are the two smartest people in this room right now. Teacher included." I hated the fact that I agreed with Simon. The two of us often got complimented on our intelligence, and teachers have, in the past, suggested we partner on group projects. The "NO"s they received were faster than lightning.

"I wasn’t taking it as a compliment, so don’t worry. The day you compliment me is the day you have been replaced by an alien. Can’t wait." I force a very condesending smile. "Aww, so you want me to compliment you? You could’a just said so sooner." He smirked at me. This bitch- "The project is..." the teacher began handing out the thing in the box. "Taking care of a fake baby together!"

.-.

-_-

>:(

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ANYTHING BUT THIS I COULD HAVE DONE PERFECTLY FINE BUT A BABY? A FAKE BABY? WITH SIMON KELLEHER? WHY??

The teacher came round to us, set the baby on our table, and continued on. "That has got to be the ugliest baby I have ever seen. Definitely got that from you." He pushed it towards me. "Why would it look like you, you’re not even the father." I responded. He was right though, the baby was in this weird uncanny-valley, right between cartoonish and waaaaay too realistic. "I know. There’s no way I would ever get it on with you." "Feeling’s mutual."

The school helper person then came around and set a bottle, some clothes and a small selection of toys onto the tables. "You will have to feed, put to sleep and basically take care of this baby for a month. At the end of that one month period, a qr-code on the back of the baby’s head will be scanned, revealing if you properly took care of your baby. So no just leaving it in a corner for a month, that will be an automatic fail. You will also need to write a short paper about what you kearned during that time, as a collaborative effort."

I turned it around and there was indeed a qr-code. "Hitman baby" I whispered to myself. "Hitman is a barcode. Wait, you know Hitman?" He asked, seemingly very surprised. "Yes, I know Hitman. Watched a man kill a bunch of people with only cupcakes, with only a fish I think, stuff em all in a freezer, all that stuff." (RTGame supremacy)

The other students around us were already playing around with their babies, giving them names, throwing them into the air and whatnot. "Now if you may, can of person of each group please scan the qr-code and enter the people in the group and the name you have chosen for your baby." I had my phone in my pocket, so I grabbed it and scanned the code. "What’ll we name it?" I looked over at Simon. "Hitman?" He suggested, bordering on joking and an actual suggestion. "No, dumbass. But... does Hitman have a name?" I then got to googling. "We’re not actually going to name this uncanny-valley nightmare after a literal assassin, are we?"

"It’s a literal fake baby, it’s not going to matter what we name it, I can hear some people name it 'Pope mobile' and 'Mr.Worldwide Mr.305' so why not?" He let out a breath at the names, almost a laugh, but not quite. "He’s just referred to as 'Agent 47'. Ideas?" I went back to the tab with the name box. "Well, what about Agent?" "Agent? I mean, it’s not terrible, not great, but I feel like it’s gonna be the best thing we’ll come up with. Agent it is!" And so, the baby is named Agent.

The rest of the class went on with the teacher explaning how to take care of the baby, why they organized this, etc etc. Since the 'introduction' to the babies took almost the whole first hour, the second was used for us to arrange how we were going to co-parent our babies. Very accurate, since if me and Simon by some evil force ever would have children, they would be co-parented to hell and back.

"Let’s just do a daily thing. Every day after school we’ll swap. Easy enough, right?" I suggested. We agreed, then the day went on with minimal annoyance. Turns out almost everyone was doing the baby project. It was kind of funny seeing hundreds of high-schoolers carrying around hundreds of fake babies, some already crying. The only time me and Simon ended up talking was when we 'exchanged babies'. Time sort of flew and soon enough, it was the last week of the project. We decided to get together at Simon’s place to write our paper. I was of course hesitant, but agreed since I wasn’t going to sit in a library for hours.

There was music playing from his computer as both of us worked on our halves of the paper on the document we’d been given. It was pretty peaceful, neither of us said a word. Then, of course, Agent decided to start crying. "Oh come on kid, now? Really?" Simon complained, and eventhough I was sitting closer to it and it was literally in arms reach, he got up and scooped Agent out of his position on his bed. He started softly rocking him side to side, whispering things I couldn’t quite understand while trying to figure out what was wrong. "Could you hand me his bottle, please?" He asked, only briefly looking in my direction before focusing back on Agent.

I went and got the bottle from my bag, but as I looked back up, something about the scene made me stop in my tracks. I don’t know if it was the lighting, music in the background, the visual of Simon and Agent but something did something to me.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

This was not good. In no way was it good. Maybe it was the fact that in all this time I had never seen just how Simon treated Agent, since we had never previously been together in a room, all 3 of us, when he acted up. I don’t know why but I never expected to see him so... soft? Nurturing? I don’t know what it is, but it was making me feel things and I didn’t want it to. I catch myself quick enough and bring him the bottle, which seems to solve the issue. "Look at you, bein’ a dad. Almost like you’ve done this before... you haven’t done this before, have you?" I asked, only somewhat joking. "What? No, of course not. Shoulda seen the first week, I was about ready to throw him across the room the second he started crying."

For a moment we just stood there, looking at this fake child we had been 'raising' for a month now. "I must admit... I think I’m gonna miss this ’lil guy once this is over." He spoke so uncharafteristically softly. "You can buy one. Pretty sure kids toys these days are like this already." I suggested, then sat down on his bed again. "Yeah but, that’s not the same." He sat down too, still holding Agent in his arms. "You really got attached to a fake robo baby, huh?" I teased him. "Oh shut up" He pushed me to the side, but misjudged his strength and my position and ended up causing me to fall off his bed antirely. "Ah fuck!" I cursed. Good thing he isn’t an actual baby who can hear us.

"Oh shit, are you okay?" He set Agent down and came to help me up. "Jeez, Kelleher, when’d you get so nice? It’s starting to freak me out." He sort of glanced me over to make sure I hadn’t hurt myself, but when he got to my face and we made eyecontact, he seemed to freeze. There was something going on, but I couldn’t quite tell what, I never could.

In a flash, my back is pressed up against the wall next to his bed, my hands firmly on his chest and his lips on mine. He was kissing me. I was kissing him. And the worst part was that I was enjoying it. Eventhough I did, there was a part of my brain telling me it was wrong. So, I started pushing him away a little. He seemed to immediately get the memo and stopped, looking into my eyes. We both took a moment to breathe, he seemed just as surprised by the situation as I was. "I don't think we should be doing this." I said. "Do you want to stop?" He asked.

Instead of answering, I pulled him back into another kiss. Fuck 'should', I need this. I thought. If you'd have told me just a month earlier that I'd be in Simon Kelleher's room and willingly making out with him, I'd have called you crazy. How it took me this long to realize the 'hate' and 'dislike' I had for Simon was actually just a shit ton sexual tension all along I still don't know. It wasn't until this moment that I fully realized that I had wanted this for what felt like an eternity, that want crashing down on me all at once and making me never want to stop kissing him.

Simon then put his hands under my thighs and lifted me up, pressing me further against the wall and I wrapped my legs around him. Eventually though we had to pull apart and breathe, both of our faces obviously red and flushed. "Are we really about to do this with a baby in the room?" I sarcastically asked. "It's fake anyway." He then moved his head to my neck and started peppering kisses on it. "Do you want to though?" He asked.

"You really think I can say no now?" I respond. I can feel him smirk against my neck.

:)

It’s currently 2am when I finished this and omg this has been in my drafts for so long and it’s finally seeing the light of day, or should I say night. Some parts are kind of rushed and not as food but I just really wanted to finish it tonight. Hope you still enjoy it <3

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 151

This chapter has been one that I have been dying to write for a while. I was worried that @baelpenrose would resist the idea, but he very much thought it was hilarious. As always, his input and riffing on this chapter has very much made it better and better.

However, it also made the chapter longer, lol. But there is just no way to trim it down without losing something that makes it all work, so this week is nearly double my normal length... break everyone’s heart, right? ;)

“I don’t like these numbers,” Parvati grumbled - as much as she was capable of grumbling - as she scrolled through the final counts of approval ratings on her and Hannah’s inaugural Food Festival.

The statistics had been dropped into our inboxes that morning, in the static of about a thousand other notifications now that Derek had finished the stress-test. Also included were the results of the last three invasion-prep drills, which I was in the process of scanning over.

“How bad are they?” I asked, half listening for a number. The drills were trending better, which was a good sign that the moves were effective.

Dismissing her display with a gesture of disgust, she sighed. “Seventy-four percent approval rating.”

I arched a brow and glanced over. “Did you adjust for those who did not attend?”

The glare she sent me wasn’t seen so much as felt. “Of course I did. First thing I ran…”

“Are you filtering by the day the comments came in?”

“I -” Bingo. She huffed. “No! These are intended to be ratings for the entirety of the event!”

I started scrolling through my own statistics. “Chart them out by the date the ratings came in, filtering out everyone who didn’t actually attend.”

A pause. “Oh… Oh! It’s showing ninety-three-point-four now!”

“Et voila,” I murmured. Louder, I clarified, “People like to weigh in early, and those who object in general tend to speak first.”

“I see that… how’s it going over there?” she asked, smoothing her braid over her shoulder as she turned to look at me directly.

“We are improving with every drill, marked upticks since the relocations. Arthur should be here in about - “ I glanced at a clock, “Seven minutes to go over next steps.”

Alistair breezed over to swap my empty bulb of cold coffee for a fresh one of water. “The appointment is in fifteen minutes.”

Parvati beat me to the punch.  “He is also compulsively early, meaning…. Six minutes now.”

He rolled his eyes hard enough that I wanted to giggle. “He doesn’t even have the decency to be fashionably late. Appalling.”

Surely enough, Arthur paged at the entrance - out of some sort of manners I accidentally instilled in him - exactly five minutes prior to our scheduled appointment. As he breezed into my office, he managed a half-assed glare at Alistair for abruptly turning away and focusing on my schedule rather than his usual tendency to get a beverage for any newcomers. “Okay, updated data on drills isn’t what I want it to be.”

I laughed. “You’re joking, right? Your team and Michael’s haven’t gotten past deck four by more than three percent in the last seven exercises.”

“Any percent above zero is unacceptable,” he grumbled. I chalked it up to the indignity of being forced to get his own tea from the console.

Almost as though to spite Arthur, Alistair made a point to set a refreshed water bulb in front of everyone except the professor. “There are guards on the other levels for a reason,” he suggested drily.

“And I would rather those guards be idle, thank you,” Arthur threw back in a near-venomous tone.

“Us guards would rather be prepared for any eventuality, which you may do well to plan for in your petty drills.”

I didn’t even try to intervene. Clearly there was some blatantly disagreement between my  admin and my friend, and I was exhausted from trying to make them cooperate.

“If I’m doing my job, you should be so grateful as to be idle,” Arthur drawled.

Alistair scoffed. “As if being left to rest and get fatter than a Christmas goose is a blessing…”

“You’ll live longer!”

“And get lax in my duties, which I will not stand for!”

“Get fat! Get lazy! LIVE! I don’t care! I’m not going to be lax in my duties to allow you the opportunity of getting practice at fighting.” Standing, Arthur buried both hands in his hair, but it looked less like he was running his fingers through it than pulling on it. “Are we really discussing this when we are training to fight in living body condoms?”

“I need to defend the Archives!”

“And Michael and I need to defend everyone! Us doing our job means you don’t need to do yours.”

My neck snapped back at the vehemence in his tone. This wasn’t their normal sparring… they may have never truly gotten along, but even in the beginning it was never so vicious.

To my further alarm, Alistair took a long stride forward and stared down his nose at Arthur. “We both know that she - “ his hand flung out to point at me “is either the luckiest or unluckiest person in existence. You can’t really believe that, in an actual assault on this ship, that she won’t be in danger. Which will place Tyche, the Archives, Derek Okafor, and Samuel Richardson in equal danger. You aren’t an idiot, you know this.” The hand pointing toward me turned, and time seemed to slow down as he stabbed Arthur in the sternum with it, punctuating each of his next words. “Stop lying to yourself.”

“Poke me again, and the finger comes off.”

“I would dearly love to see you try.”

Hannah and Parvati had jumped to their feet when Alistair approached Arthur, but were now slowly moving around to my position, safely behind my desk. Hannah hissed at me through clenched teeth, “You had to tell them to fight it out.”

“I thought they would use a gym, not the damned office,” I hissed back.

Before she could respond, Alistair spoke again. “You aren’t the only one on the Ark who wants to protect everyone. You need to trust us to do our bloody jobs.”

“The last time I trusted anyone else to protect people, I lost fourteen students,” came the ground out response. “I’m not backing down on this.”

“You will, or I will sedate you and strap you to a medical berth for the next four months.” Alistair stepped back and crossed his arms with finality.

A trickle of nerves ran down my spine as I watched Arthur clench his fists and release them. “You think the solution to everything is to tie it up, I swear.”

“Stop changing the topic. I am deadly serious, Farro.”

Arthur turned away from him, waving him off. “Try something else, you would never just sedate me for months on end.” Before we could stop anything, Alistair leapt forward and put Arthur in a headlock, only to be immediately flipped over the other man’s shoulder and onto the table. “Tch. Sloppy. I know you can do better.”

“I thought you wanted me to get fat and lazy,” Alistair grunted as he sucker-punched Arthur in the stomach and rolled for the other side.  Once on his feet, he eyed Arthur carefully as he circled the table. “You stubborn ass, you know I am right.  You are putting everyone in the lower levels at risk by not running preparedness drills with them, because you don’t want to factor in the fact that one of the offensive teams could fail.”

“We don’t have the luxury of failing, so no. If we do our jobs correctly, everyone who matters will be safe at the other end of the Ark.”

They didn’t seem to be at each other’s throats anymore, but the arguing wasn’t getting anywhere. “Guys - “ I tried.

Both men turned and practically screamed at me with their glares to stop talking.  Oookay. I held up my hands in surrender and decided to let them sort it out their way.

Damned if the console wasn’t on the other side of them, though. I couldn’t even get popcorn and a drink.

Alistair blew a harsh breath through his nose. “If you won’t include the lower decks in your drills, I will start sparring with Jokul.”

“He would kill you,” Arthur barked in the most miserable laugh I’ve ever heard.

“God forbid,” Alistair mocked. “If I were gone, who would make your tea in the morning.”

“The same person who picks up the socks that magically appear all over my quarters every day, obviously. Worthington, I’m serious, he could really hurt you. He has really hurt me. And Charly.”

That last part was dismissed with a wave. “Madam Charles the First put the fear of herself into him.”

“And you haven’t. He could kill you by accident, and he’d never forgive himself.”

“Maybe that wouldn’t be the case if you would let me train more!”

Arthur groaned and ran a hand down his face. “You are an adult, we’ve talked about this. Train all you want, with whoever you want - Charly, Sophia, Tyche… hell, train with Evan or Michael, I don’t care. Just, not Jokul.”

When did they talk about this? I wondered. It had to be during a sparring session or something, because it definitely wasn’t in my office during one of our meetings. A glance at Hannah showed she was watching everything unfold like it was the most riveting show she had ever seen, and Parvati’s squint of consideration wasn’t much better.

“As you said, I’m an adult. Perhaps I should take your advice, and train with Charly - “

“See - “

“- and Jokul. She will make sure I don’t get hurt.”

Arthur flung his hands up in frustration. “You are so stubborn, I swear!” Growling, he paced in a circle. “Fine! Train with Charly and Jokul. IN the bivouac suit, though! And I don’t want to hear a word when you end up confined in a med bay yourself.”

Alistair’s smug grin showed just how much he seemed to care. “At least I would be spared of picking up the trail of dishes that seem to follow you around.”

“For the love of - they are my quarters! Mine! And I don’t want to hear about it when your bloody socks are constantly getting lost behind my sofa!”

Oh. Oh no. Nonononononono.

“My socks can go wherever they fucking want to, when I am constantly cleaning your disgusting whiskers out of the sink!”

“You know what would fix you having to clean whiskers out of the sink? I could just stop shaving altogether. How about...that…” Arthur trailed off and very slowly turned toward the three of us behind my desk with a look of dawning horror.

And I tried. I really, really tried not to laugh.  I could feel my face reddening, my chest aching with the effort of holding it in.  

Hannah’s snort was my undoing. As soon as that tiny noise escaped her, all three of us erupted into hysterical, stomach-cramping, tearful laughter.  I felt stabbing in my arm as Parvati dug her nails in, trying desperately not to fall.  Unfortunately for her, Hannah grabbed me at the same time and all three of us toppled to the floor. The sight of Arthur rolling his eyes and crossing his arms only made me escalate from laughing to shrieking in hysterics and relief.

I couldn’t speak for the other two ladies, but I thought the two men were going to end up killing each other… At no point did I think they took the other option when I told them to either fight it out or….

I gasped for breath, trying to get myself under control. Wobbling to my feet with the help of my trusty desk and a couple yanks to free my shirt from Parvati’s desperate clutching, I pointed between them. “This… how long? Can’t believe… didn’t figure it out.”

“Not everyone is as… public… as you, Conor, and Maverick are,” Arthur snarked at me. “You know, private lives should be private and all that?”

“Must be for you,” I confided in Alistair’s direction, where he had turned his back to our fit.  “He’s never not told me when he was dating someone. Or thinking of dating someone. Or potentially interested in seeing if he was interested in dating someone… Best friend privileges and all that.”  While I waited for Alistair to respond, my mind whirled through all the things I had brushed off before but were very obvious in retrospect.

Glancing at Arthur for a hint yielded nothing but a flat stare that all but declared in flashing lights You Aren’t Stupid.

I tilted my head at that, and kept thinking. There had been genuine animosity on Alistair’s side in the beginning, and not a small amount of needling on Arthur’s.  So I knew it wasn’t something that had always been going on. My mind came to a screeching halt, however, when I remembered something - the day Alistair, Tyche, and I decided that, when I vacated my position on the Council, they would vacate roles as well to leave behind a ‘clean slate’. “Four years, holy shit,” I gasped. “Four years!?”

Finally, Alistair moved. His back was still to us, but his arms went limp by his sides, and his head dropped down toward the floor. “It would be unseemly to have the new Councilor of Education in a relationship with the attache to the Councilor for Resources and Engagement. Or formerly in a relationship, should things not end well.”

“And since he won’t be taking his position until we are on Von,” I put together, “You are okay to serve out the rest of my term, just not Hannah’s or Parvati’s.”

“Correct.”

“Huh. That makes sense,” I admitted before hopping up to sit on my desk, the chair being a lost cause on the other side of two women who were still sniffling and giggling on the floor. “I learned a lot today.”

“Uh huh,” Arthur confirmed drily. “And it had better stay in this office.”

“What?” I managed a pretty convincing confused face before pretending to realize what he meant. “Oh! The relationship thing. Yeah, cool, whatever. That’s not what I was talking about, but you’re good.”

“Dare I even ask what you meant?” Alistair ventured, finally turning around so that he could give me a warning look.

“Uh, isn’t it obvious?” I asked, shaking my head and spreading my hands, palms up. When they both just stared at me, I finally broke and grinned. “Dude. You two are freaking slobs.”

The squeaking noises coming from the vicinity of my feet told me that no further work would be getting done for the rest of the day.

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[khoicesbyk]

Beloved.

A/N: I'm officially obsessed with Wolf Bride and what does one do when she's obsessed with a certain book? She writes an AU about it! 😁 So, Talley Ho! *in my Sherlock Holmes voice*

Rated: Mature. | Contains sexual content and strong language. (You know? The usual from me. 😁) | Bolded and/or italicized words are conversations and thoughts of the characters. | Main Characters: Roman (LI) and Naia Evans (MC) | All Characters and names: (except MC and original characters created by me) are property of Pixelberry.

Current Word Count: 2,007 words. (more or less. I stop counting after editing and re-editing. 🤷🏾‍♀️)

Tag List: @shewillreadyou @rideordiechronicles @bebepac @queenjilian @pixie88 @imturaxamara @lucy-268 @shannonsaid @shannonwrote @txemrn @aussieez @secretaryunpaid @texaskitten30 @blackkingliamstan

This series is rated Mature. It is NOT reading material that is safe for those under 18. Reader discretion is STRONGLY advised!

This series may contain spoilers. If you wish not to see spoilers, please do not read any further.

(Also this series is a slight deviation of the original story. In the original story, the werewolf hunter is a woman. But in this series the hunter is a man.)

Missing a chapter or want to read a chapter again? I got you covered! Click ——> Here!

If you’d like to be added to my tag list. Just reblog or dm me and I will gladly add you! 😁😘

Chapter 21.) Fractured.

Naia was rushed to the ER by Roman after being accidentally shot with a tranquilizer by Trent. But as Roman brought her to the ER something was wrong. She was exhibiting signs of a severe allergic reaction. But Roman didn't know what was causing it. He was thankful that Layla’s mother Joanna worked at the hospital. She would tell him what was wrong with Naia. But first, he had to deal with Trent and his crew being there.

It took all of the hospital security team and sheriff's department to separate Roman and the werewolves from Trent and his team. And that was before her parents showed up at the hospital and her mother raised hell with the staff about not wanting either of them there. As everyone waited in separate waiting areas, the tension and the air was thick. Rage, pain, shock, fear, and anxiety all mingled as each waited for news.

Roman and Trent kept their eyes on the hall. While Naia’s father had his eyes trained on the nurse's station. Laurie had her head resting on her husband’s shoulder with her eyes closed while holding on to her husband's hand. She was furious but more so she was terrified. Her daughter was in trouble and she didn't know how to help her.

The minutes felt like hours as they all waited for news of Naia’s condition. Laurie couldn't feel her daughter, no matter how hard she tried to tap into the bond they share. Finally, a doctor came down the hall with a chart in their hands. When Laurie looked up she and the doctor both recognized each other.

“You have got to be kidding me!”

“Well hello to you too Joey.”

“What are you doing at home after all these years?”

“A.) this isn't home. And B.) apparently my daughter was brought in by The Alpha.”

Joey shook her head.

“Well, this explains why I thought she looked familiar.”

“Whatever! Just tell me that you have news.”

“Well it’s good to see that you haven't changed one bit after all this time.”

“Joey…”

“It's Dr. Simpson, thank you.”

Laurie exhaled slowly.

“I do have news. But you’re not going to like what I have to say.”

“What is it?”

Dr. Simpson glanced over to where Roman and Trent were sitting. Shane rolled his eyes.

“Forget him! Tell me what is wrong with her.”

“It's best if we talk over here.”

She led Laurie and Shane to a corner of the waiting room out of earshot of everyone else.

“Her test results came back positive for a high-powered tranquilizer and…” she trailed off. It started to scare Laurie.

“What Joey? What else?”

The doctor sighed heavily.

“Wolfbane.”

Laurie and her husband both went pale.

“What did you just say?”

“You two heard me. When The Alpha brought her in, the Wolfbane had already begun to take effect.”

Laurie shook her head in disbelief. Shane stood there wide-eyed with his hand over his mouth.

“Because of the Wolfbane in her blood, your daughter went into anaphylactic shock.”

“Oh my God! Please don't tell me that my daughter is…”

“She’s alive. We had to put her under to save her life.”

“No. It can't be.”

“I am so sorry Laurie. But it is. And as you well know there is no cure for Wolfbane.”

“Not again…this can’t be happening.”

Laurie started shaking.

“I know more that this isn’t the news you wanted to hear. But the blood work isn’t lying.”

Shane steadied his wife before he spoke.

“Can we see her?”

“Yes. She’s just down the hall to the right. Room D17.”

Laurie ran past Trent and Roman with Shane not too far behind. When she got to the window outside of Naia’s room Laurie felt like she couldn't breathe. She felt like she was looking into a mirror at herself. Every painful memory of Hunt’s Peak that she ever had come flooding back. When they took just a few steps into Naia’s room, Laurie’s knees gave out on her, causing her to fall at the foot of the bed. Seeing her daughter like this made her inconsolably hysterical. And all her husband could do was try to help her up.

Shane was able to get her to the chair next to the bed. When she looked at Naia all she saw was herself those many years ago.

“This wasn't supposed to happen! Not to her!” she said as she cried.

“I know, baby.”

“My baby…my poor baby. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!”

“Laurie, please! It's not your fault.”

She heard him but she didn't care.

“You don't understand! This is my fault! I didn't protect her! I-I-I-I failed her…”

“Baby…”

“Naia please…wake up! You have to wake up!”

Shane knew she didn't mean it but she couldn't help but blame herself.

Meanwhile, Zane had shown up at the hospital. When he got to the front desk he ran into Dr. Simpson.

“Joey I got your call. What is it?”

She glared at him.

“Don’t you Joey me!”

“What? What did I do?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that your sister was home?!”

“Because it’s a small town and you two were bound to run into each other at some point?”

That’s when she punched him in the arm.

“OW! Geez! What was that for?”

“Zane!” she warned him.

“Look I’m sorry! She and her husband showed up a few weeks ago looking for my niece.”

“That’s another thing you failed to tell me about!”

“Now what?!”

“You didn’t tell me she had a daughter either!”

“Yeah well, you’ve been busy! And so have I!”

Joey rolled her eyes at him.

“Where is Laurie? Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. Physically anyway. It’s your niece you need to be concerned about.”

Zane gave her a look that was half concerned and half confused.

“What do you mean?”

Joey took a deep breath before leading him out of earshot of everyone in the waiting areas.

“Your niece is suffering from Wolfbane poisoning. And it’s just as bad if worse than Laurie’s all those years ago.”

“That’s impossible Joey. Wolfbane was banned before Xander died.”

“You know that. I know that. And yet…”

Zane glanced over to where Roman and Trent were sitting.

“Well, that explains why they’re here.”

“Yes. The Alpha brought her in. And the Hunter…he’s the one who shot her.”

“He shot her?!”

“It was by accident. He was aiming for the Alpha when she stepped in and took the tranquilizer dart instead.”

Zane exhaled slowly.

“Does my sister know?”

“Not yet. She knows that your niece has been infected but she doesn’t know how she was infected. She and her husband are in there with your niece now.”

“It won’t take her long to figure it out. There’s only one way to be infected by Wolfbane.”

“Yes. I’m well aware. I just can’t believe this happened twice. No one here at the labs would do this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I run the ER. I know for a fact that the higher-ups are terrified of The Alpha. They think he’s just like Xander.”

Zane looked at Joanna and coughed awkwardly into his hand.

“Just so you know I haven't told her anything.”

“So you didn't tell her you’re gonna be a grandfather?”

“No, I didn't tell her. Squirt would lose her shit if she found out you and I had a kid together. So we're gonna keep it that way. And if she asks you…Peabody is Layla’s father.”

“Fine. Now go check on them. They need you.”

Zane shook his head sadly.

“You wanna tell her that?”

“What do you mean?”

“She's selling the house.”

“What?!”

“I've been staying at Toby’s for the last few weeks.”

“Why didn't you say something?”

“Because you would've asked a million and one questions that I didn't have answers to.”

Joey sighed.

“Still you could've said something to me!”

“Look, Naia called and said she was coming to town and didn't want her mother to know. And I knew if I told you…there was a slight possibility that you would've told Laurie.”

“And yet here we are.”

“Yup. Laurie showed up and all hell nearly broke loose.”

“What do you mean?”

“Squirt went toe to toe with The Alpha.”

Joey’s eyes went wide.

“Just like she did with his father.”

“She's gonna get herself killed one day.”

“I know.”

Zane looked over at Roman.

“Does he know about Naia?”

“No. Not yet. I’ll tell him. ”

“Okay. I'm gonna go check on them.”

“Good. They're down the hall to the right. Room D17.”

“Thank you Joey.”

As Zane went to walk past the waiting area, Roman caught his wrist. Zane swallowed hard before turning to face Roman.

“Do you know what's wrong?”

Before Zane could answer, Dr. Simpson spoke up.

“Come with me Alpha.”

Roman cocked an eyebrow at Zane before quietly following the doctor away from him.

When Zane got to the room Naia was in he stopped outside the door. He looked through the window and saw his sister huddled over Naia. It broke his heart to see her so distraught. It reminded him of the night she was here years ago. And that he didn't listen to her, that he didn't believe her then. He quietly opened the door and stepped inside. When he walked in, Laurie looked up at him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Joey called. She said you were here and I thought—”

He trailed off when he looked at Naia.

“You thought what? That I was here in a bed again just like I was all those years ago?”

“I—”

That's when Shane cut him off.

“Well, you’re here. Are you happy?”

“I didn't know Naia was here until I got here and got punched in the arm.”

“Sounds like Joey.”

“She told me that—”

“It was Wolfbane poisoning?”

“Yes. I just can't believe that it happened again.”

Laurie scoffed and Zane looked down at the floor.

“The Alpha is out in the waiting area. So is Trent. I don't think they know.”

“They were here when we got here.”

That's when they heard shouting between both sides coming from up the hall. And Laurie had heard enough.

Something inside her snapped.

It felt like a dam had broken within her when she stood up.

“You two stay here.”

“Where are you going?”

“There's something that I have to take care of.”

Zane and Shane shared a worried look as Laurie stormed out of the room. When she got towards the end of the hall, the shouting and accusations between Trent and Roman grew louder.

“This is your fault!”

“Don't blame me!”

“Fine! How about I rip your head off? Would you like that?”

Trent scoffed.

“I’d love to see you try Balto.”

They stopped arguing when Laurie turned the corner.

“Oh please don’t stop bickering on my account.”

The look on her face was a mix of rage and pain. She glared at them both with her arms crossed.

“It shouldn’t surprise me that you two are at each other’s throats. Because in all honesty you idiots are the reason why my daughter is currently fighting for her life!”

“What?!”

“Let me summarize: Naia is in a coma, because of Wolfbane.”

Roman and Trent looked at each other then looked at her.

“What is that?”

“I’m glad you asked Alpha. If you must know, Wolfbane is a poison that your father had created.”

Roman looked at her incredulously.

“Did I mention that he created it with Bernard Sayre?”

Both men were stunned.

“Judging by the looks that you both have, I assume that neither of you know what I’m talking about. So here’s a little project for you: why would Xander and Bernard Sayre work together on anything?”

“Impossible!”

“Far be it from me to agree with the mutt but he’s right.”

Laurie issued one last declaration to them.

“One more thing, as of right now both of you will NOT step foot into this hospital!”

She then turned on her heel walking down the hall. Leaving them in shock.

[planetsam]

Michael Guerin, Space Pirate

Huge shout out to @signoraviolettavalery who made a great post about a Martian au that I cranked up the angst on by deciding Alex would be a great space voyeur to Michael’s space pirate. 

Being stuck on the graveyard shift feels oddly appropriate.

He thinks Michael would have loved the irony of it.

Alex takes a long drink from his coffee. He watched the launch after it happened, in one of the staff break rooms. He didn’t think much of it, only the 3AM shift he had the next morning was on his mind. Now he wishes things were different. Not that he fully expected his high school fling to remember him, or to realize that he was working for NASA as well. Alex is in SatCom, he monitors their satellites. Eyes in the sky, some people call him, but he likes to think of himself as an Interplanetary Voyeur. Most of his education and training goes to waste. He didn’t mind it when he felt like he was a part of something bigger than himself, making sure that everyone got home safely. 

Now when he looks at the red planet, all he thinks is how Michael finally got his wish. 

Michael always wanted to be part of something bigger. He also wanted to get the hell off the planet. Alex remembers their endless conversations about it, laying under the real stars when they could and the fake, tacked on stars when they couldn’t. Michael found his way off the planet. And was the most popular astronaut to boot. He was the only one surprised at that. Alex saw his face everywhere. Each time it kicked up a gut punch of emotions. Mostly now it was a sadness that was far too familiar when it came to him, to them—now though there was a finality to it. The idea that Michael would be bones on Mars and the only way Alex would ever see him was in old footage was borderline incomprehensible. For the moment Alex let himself not think about it and focus instead on his job. The storm had cleared and he focused on what they could see. It was highly unlikely they would ever see Michael’s body, the dust storm would have buried him. But Alex hopes he does. Michael deserves that closure.

Taking another hit of caffeine, he turns to scrolling through the pictures and cataloguing things that have shifted in the dust. He frowns and zooms in towards the HAB. Alex refines the pictures, teasing out a clearer image. He can picture the conversation in his head, he knows the exact arguments. He brings up the images from the past few days. The way things have shifted does not line up with what is in front of him. The solar panels should be completely covered, but they are clean. Spotless, or as spotless as anything gets on Mars. He looks again and triple checks just to make sure. The chance is impossibly slim. But his hand is already reaching for his phone. He thumbs in the number for security.

“I need the emergency contact number for Dr. Kapoor,” He says, “this is Alex Manes in SatCom.”

“Are you sure it’s an emergency?” The bored voice asks. Alex isn’t sure of anything at the moment.

“Yes,” He says instead.

The head of the mission is wildly above his pay grade and Alex has been raised to respect the chain of command. Why his violations of it seem intrinsically linked to Michael Guerin is something he doesn’t have the capacity to figure out at the moment. Not after the phone rings twice and he hears the man on the other end clear his throat. God, he’s woken his boss up at 3:35 am. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, sir, this is Alex Manes in SatCom,” he says, “I think Michael Guerin is alive,” there is a distinct bang and a groan, a whispered apology and the sound of feet moving, “the solar panels are clean.”

“And you’re sure it’s not the wind?”

“Yes, sir,” he says, glancing up at the screen as the next round of images come through. He almost drops the phone, “sir, the Rover has moved.”

“What?!”

“The rover moved,” he says, scrambling to look at the photos again, “the solar panels are clean and the rover has moved.”

“I’ll be there shortly.”

Fuck. Mars.

Fuck it so hard.

Michael is over this planet. He wants off. Why he can’t find a planet he wants to stay on is beyond him and now definitely is not the time for those deep philosophical questions. He’s got more pressing issues like making sure the hole in his gut closes without infection, finding a way to supplement his food and, oh yeah, contact earth. 

“Look, I’m not upset about being left behind,” he tells the log, “that’s protocol. What pisses me off is the fact that I’m doing everyone’s homework,” he shakes his head, “here’s my new universal constant: a group project will always end with one person doing all the work. We’ll call it Guerin’s Law.”

He has an idea for contacting earth. The problem is that it rides on earth knowing he’s contacting them. He’s got no idea if anyone has even figured out he’s alive. He doubts it. But there’s a chance. He knew it was bullshit but he had an affection for the dramatic Rover that gave it’s dying words and sang itself a birthday song every year. Michael has had plenty of those birthdays. And of course when he’s already doing everyone’s work, he now has to do the extra credit and pull off the save. If he doesn’t get an A, he’s fucking suing. He looks in the camera, aware this could be his last message.

“Captain Evans,” He says, “none of this is your fault, I forgive you for everything if that’s what you need to hear,” his solemn face turns deadly, “but if this doesn’t work and I die listening to your alarmingly inclusive Donna Summer, I will turn your life into the karaoke bar from hell.”

Seems like a good note to go out on.

Summer eat your heart out.

Alex looks over the chart again.

And again.

The spotlight is nerve wracking. They have established Michael is alive, but they don’t have a way of communicating. He knows Michael is trying to figure something out and everyone is scrambling to find it. He also knows he has an advantage. It’s been years, so many thing have changed, but he’s got a good idea of how Michael’s mind works. He follows the paths the Rover is making and connects the dots before anyone else. 

“Opportunity?”

“It lines up,” he says, “he’s going for the Rover.” 

“Let me make some calls.”

Thankfully the Opportunity team is largely still around. By the time Michael gets  it up and working, they are ready. The images come in and patch together. Alex is awake for twenty hours straight but he’s there when the images come in. Michael standing in front of two signs and holding a third. Alex’s heart leaps into his throat and it’s got nothing to do with the truly staggering amount of coffee he has consumed. A cheer goes up and he sits down before his knees can do anything like buckle. Michael’s face is just visible. Alex can make out a single curl that’s half escaped from his cap and it’s always the little things. Michael is alive. They point the camera towards the ‘yes’ sign and the next image is blurry but only because he’s jumping up and down. He’s got no back up supplies and he’s jumping up and down.

Alex thinks he might be the one who dies in all of this.

OPP: Huston we had a problem.

DSN: Good to hear from you. 

OPP: You have no idea.

So the communications issue is more or less resolved which is awesome. And he’s saved Opportunity. Which makes him even more awesome. All around it’s awesome. Except Isobel still thinks he’s dead which is less than ideal. So he’s in a little trouble on that one. But he would trade everything for her to yell at him. Not that he’s got a lot to trade. 

OPP: hey, DSN whose babysitting me tonight?

DSN: SatCom

OPP: no shit

DSN: language

OPP: fuck

OPP: whose babysitting? got a name?

DSN: alex

OPP: i’m michael

DSN: i know

OPP: does this mean i’m super famous? think i can get free fries at the mess?

DSN: no it’s alex. from high school.

Michael is literally on a different planet but he jumps anyway and twists around like he’s being spied on. Alex was a punk kid who, okay, he may have been slightly in love with. But his homophobic dick of a dad ended that. He may have crossed Michael’s mind a few times, but never enough to do something like look him up and see that they worked for the same place. For some reason he feels more comforted by this news than he has by almost anything else. Except maybe that people knew he was alive at all. 

OPP: no fucking way. i thought you said you were joining the Air Force.

DSN: i did. then I went to grad school and joined NASA. 

OPP: wait SatCom figured out i was alive. was that you?

DSN: yes

DSN: i saw the solar panels were clear

OPP: and you thought that was me?

DSN: i figured even you would clean if your life depended on it.

Michael snorts, it’s not like he’s had much to clean back when he knew Alex. He was living in his truck. But when he thinks about his desk at NASA—okay it is a mess. He can admit that. It blows his mind that Alex has been here the whole time. That Alex figured out he was alive. He tries to reconcile the idea of who he remembers with whoever found him. But all he can picture is the kid who unknowingly saved his life more times than he can count. More times plus one, if he thinks about it. Probably plus more to come, if things keep going this way. 

OPP: do you still have that septum ring?

DSN: go to sleep

OPP: come on, do you? 

DSN: no

OPP: too bad, I thought it was kind of hot.

DSN: bed, michael

OPP: yes dad

DSN: please do not call me ‘dad’, they are reviewing these

OPP: ok daddy

Captain Isobel Evans reads the message several times to be sure. Then she gathers everyone together. She’s thought she was a good leader this whole time, focusing on getting the crew that was still alive back home even though the only thing she wanted to do was cry over the loss of her crew member. She runs the scenario over and over again. But it remains the same. There was no other choice. Now she doesn’t know what to think when she has to tell them. It’s only Max she looks at when she speaks. 

“Michael’s alive.”

Pandemonium erupts from the others but Max stares at her. His own horror and guilt reflect hers. Michael is alive but he’s on another planet. Michael’s alive but who knows for how long. She made the call to leave him, but as the ship’s doctor he made the call that he was probably dead. They are both culpable and innocent, but Isobel blames herself more than anyone. She should have given the order to wait, no matter the risks. They all scramble over to the communications screen. Kyle gets there first because it is, after all, his chair. He refers to it as his ship too. Then again he is the one who flies it. 

HRMS: sorry we left you on mars, we just don’t like you that much. 

OPP: assholes

OPP: hows the cptn?

HRMS: we’re all good. how are you?

OPP: bored af

OPP: look. boobies ( . Y . )

HRMS: michael!

That night Max sits hunched over in his bunk, arms wrapped around himself. He never should have said that Michael was dead. But he and Isobel have been running over everything. But now it turns out Michael is alive and he can’t fathom what it must be like for him to be back there alone. Did he know that they would learn he was alive? Did he think he would die there a second time and no-one would know? The thoughts are horrible and each occurs to him in rapid succession until he thinks they might drive him crazy.

“Hey,” Liz slips into his pod, “how are you holding up?”

“I told Iz there was no way,” he says, “he’s been there the whole time and i had no idea—“ he stares at her, aware he is asking for answers she doesn’t have, “what if he dies there? How is he going to spend four years there until we launch another mission?” 

“He’s going to be fine,” she says, cradling his face in her hands. He ignores the rules, the fraternization line they always dance around and leans into her touch, “he’ll be okay and soon you will laugh about this,” she smiles, “after you buy him all the vodka on earth.”

“I’ll buy him whatever he wants, as long as we get him back.”

OPP: alex

OPP: ALEX

DSN: i’m sorry, Alex has been transferred to SatCon.

OPP: GO GET HIM

Huddled in the Rover, Michael forces his breathing to be steady. He cannot afford for something else to go wrong. Behind him, the HAB stands as a shell, blown when he failed to pressurize it correctly. It broke. He broke it. His crops are gone and he feels like crying. Which is not going to help. He can’t panic. He can’t flip out. He wants Max and Isobel and his pod on the ship that’s getting farther away with each second. Mostly he wants the person on earth whose his lifeline in this. He forces himself to look away from the screen. Maybe Alex is asleep somewhere. Maybe he’s just as fed up with his bullshit as he was in college. Michael grips the chair. No, no he is not giving into his abandonment issues because he’s literally the only person on a planet and his only friend won’t answer the phone. Mars is his planet and he refuses to have them go down like this. 

DSN: michael what happened?

“Thank you Martian God,” he breathes

OPP: the hab depressurized 

OPP: i’m ok. crops are gone. all of its gone.

DSN: you’re ok. thats the main thing.

OPP: says the guy with seamless at his fingertips

DSN: i told you you were going to have to learn to cook one day

Michael laughs despite everything. And okay maybe it ends in a sob, but just one. Alex throwing shade like they’re texting and this isn’t a life or death situation makes him feel so much better. He knows Alex is probably hyperaware of being watched but he’s still willing to do it. Michael knows it shouldn’t be a big deal but he’s alone on a planet. The only person who can judge him is in a mirror and he sure as hell doesn’t bring one of those on the rover. 

DSN: michael are you there?

OPP: i’m there i’m just outraged

OPP: i am an extraordinary boiler

DSN: do i want curly or regular fries with this sandwich?

OPP: asshole

OPP: thanks

DSN: hang in there

Maria Deluca, astrodynamicist extraordinaire figures it out. 

She checks her math, swears loudly and breaks her almost new piece of chalk. Guerin is a planet away and he still manages to ruin her love life for at least—ugh—another year. Asshole. Why couldn’t he have just stayed on the ground with Alex like he wanted to? She writes out her calculations and tells the mission heads. Then she does the right thing and hides the info in the latest data dump for the ship, knowing her wife and her bff will figure it out.

That evening she finds Alex in SatCon. 

He looks awful and she feels the same annoyance at Guerin. They’ve both slept with him and she might have had feelings for the mop haired cowboy at one point, but Guerin is good at leaving and being so focused on one thing that he fails to see anything else. Like an unhappy boyfriend or girlfriend. She sits next to Alex and hands him a cup of coffee. 

“Any word from the space cowboy?”

“His food supplies are ok but the rations are getting to him,” he says, “part of its mental but the rest—“ he shakes his head, “he shouldn’t have to deal with his issues up there.”

Michael was food insecure for most of his childhood. He’s good at functioning on limited calories but he’s also scared of not getting his next meal. The fact that Alex remembers that makes Maria want to hug him. She settles for sighing and shaking her head at the situation. All of NASA has been reading their back and forth. For science. The fact that it reads increasingly like a romance novel is definitely not important. And people definitely aren’t taking sides. She doesn’t have a Team Alex t shirt like some people. Just a baseball cap. 

“He’ll be okay,” she says.

Alex nods wordlessly but his eyes are glued to the screen where their communications occur. She nudges him. 

“Say hi,” She says. 

“I can’t. He needs to focus.”

“You can still say hi,” she says. 

“It’s a waste of resources.”

Rolling her eyes at men and their excuses she nudges his chair out of the way and gets at the keyboard.

DSN: hi

“Maria!”

Ten seconds later the reply come.

OPP: hey i was just about to message you

OPP: you miss me that much?

“Maria—“ Alex tries for the keyboard.

DSN: always

Alex grabs it finally.

DSN: adokfjosiaf

OPP: you ok?

DSN: sorry. yes. 

OPP: good. i miss you too.

Alex sucks in a breath and Maria grins. It’s almost almost worth another year with her wife. Not quite but almost. Alex gulps and stares at the message. His fingers hover over the keyboard as he hesitates, swamped by an insecurity Maria has seen before. She looks between him and the keyboard, sending every mental signal she has to him. 

DSN: keep going and we can see each other again

OPP: dunno, you could always come to Mars 

OPP: visit me

DSN: I like earth 

OPP: you’re making this song way too relevant 

DSN: what are you listening to?

OPP: I would do anything for love

“That is my song,” Maria says, “my song with my wife.”

“She’ll be back soon,” Alex offers.

Maria hates them both.

“This is a mutiny,” Isobel says, “we all need to participate and we all need to agree. Kyle and I know the consequences. We’re military. But the rest of you need to understand this could mean the end of your careers. They might not let any of you fly again,” she says, “it also means another year without your families. There isn’t any shame in wanting to go home. We do it together or not at all.”

“No one gets left behind if we can get them,” Kyle says, “I might be flying this thing but I am still a doctor. Do no harm. I vote we go back.”

“Michael is my brother,” Max says. 

“My family is here,” Liz tells them, gripping Max’s hand, “let’s do it.”

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” Jenna, their long suffering media relations director says.

“The Hermes is in the middle of an unsanctioned maneuver to slingshot themselves back to Mars using earth’s gravity as an assist.”

“So a mutiny,” she says, “you want me to put out a press release that says a bunch of astronauts turned space pirates have performed a mutiny?”

“Actually it’s Guerin who would asked to be referred to as a space pirate, since he is technically commandeering a vehicular over international territory.”

She sighs. It’s too early for a migraine. 

“I hate everyone in this room.”

DSN: michael

DSN:  michael update me

DSN: GUERIN

DSN: captain blonde beard, do you copy?

OPP: CBB: i copy. everything’s good

DSN: you are taking this way too far

OPP: CBB: that’s kind of judgmental for someone whose not a space pirate

OPP: CBB: if you were here id make you walk the plank. by that i mean solar panel

DSN: find water and maybe it’ll work

OPP: CBB: i have to starve, become a pirate, now i gotta find water too?

OPP: CBB: anything else?

DSN: come home 

OPP: CBB: only because I want to, not because you’re making me

He modified the ship like they tell him but until he’s in there,  he doesn’t feel so great about sitting there. Not until his radio crackles to life with the first human voice he’s heard in over a year.

“Guerin, do you copy?”

“Iz!” His voice breaks around the syllable of her name.

“Michael, oh thank god,” she says. Isobel has had her game face on this whole mission, hearing the relief makes the tears break free, “we’re launching you, strap in.”

“Tell Valenti to be careful,” he says.

“I got you, Guerin,” Kyle says, “you ready to come home?”

God that sounds so nice. 

“I don’t know, it’s kind of nice having this all to myself,” he chokes out.

“We got you, hang tight.”

He blacks out. 

When he comes to, the ship is too far away. He can hear the swearing. It’s bad. He takes a deep breath and refuses to give in to the panic. The side door opens and he sees Isobel coming towards him. Max is on the side of the ship. His family is there. 

“I’m going Iron Man,” he says, punching a hole in his hand.

“Michael!”

He aims himself as best he can and propels towards Isobel. She reaches and just when he thinks this isn’t going to work, they collide. They lurch violently to the side but she locks her arms and legs around him and snaps a carabiner to the front of his suit. The lead connecting them snaps taut and for a moment he’s sure it failed. He’s dead in space. But he blinks several time and nothing has changed. The relief shatters him in a way he didn’t know was possible and Isobel lets out the best laugh he’s ever heard in his life.

“I got him!” She calls and everyone erupts into cheers, “I got you,” she says.

“You have terrible taste in music,” he tells her. 

They reel them in. The only possible reason he would let go of her is to throw his arms around his brother. Max clutches him and Isobel together as the hatch seals and the chamber pressurizes. Michael collapses against his siblings who take his weight immediately, undoing his helmet. Their voice goes into his ears, no radio or texts. But the first human hands that touch him belong to a friend.

“Mikey!” He’s not even mad about the nickname as she hugs him and then works on getting the suit off him.

“Liz! Get me—“

“On it.”

She gets him out and then Max and Isobel are there. Kyle and Liz fall with them and it’s a big pile of tears and hugs and laughter and snot. He doesn’t care. The pile make their way to the comms to message that they have him. Unwilling to let go of each other even though Michael is very aware that he needs a shower.  

CMMND: good work! Come home.

 Alex has his last 3AM shift the night before they get back. Maria keeps him company. She suggests that he come with her to the families area but he turns her down. He’s not family. His boss insists he come with him to the command center. He watches the ship land. When he sees Michael pop out, throw down his helmet like he made a touchdown and throw his hands up, he feels like the breath he’s been holding for the six months it’s taken to get back to earth can finally be released. Michael is okay. Everyone is okay.  He staggers from the room.

“I’m gonna just—five minutes,” he says. He’s woken up every night certain the news will come in that Michael is dead. He has to go to a second funeral. Michael is fine. He’s dizzyingly exhausted with the thought. He drops onto the couch. It will be hours before he sees him. “Five minutes,” he tells himself and closes his eyes.

He wakes up to the smell of hazelnut coffee. 

He opens his eyes, already knowing what he’s going to see. All the ways he thought about this going, Michael crouching there in a NASA onesie with his hair wet and two cups of coffee isn’t it. Alex carefully sits up, afraid that this is a dream. But Michael stays every time he blinks. When he’s sitting, Michael holds out the coffee cup. 

“A small token of my—“ 

Alex throws himself into his arms. The coffee goes flying as Michael bands his arms around him, equally tight. Two years of text messages sent through a Rover and suddenly all of their other senses are flooding with each other. Alex never wants to let go of him and he can feel Michael trembling against him. Their faces are buried in each other necks and he’s never been so glad they are the same height. 

“Thank you, thank you,” Michael breathes into his neck and Alex clutches him closer.

“This was all you.”

“It wouldn’t have been if you hadn’t seen me.”

They pull back enough just enough to look at each other, taking in the differences. The reports all say how driven Michael has been with his recovery and Alex has been pushing harder at his own pt. In that moment he doesn’t think that it matters. He doesn’t care what either of them look like or what state they are in. He just wants Michael here. Michael presses his lips together, his eyes dragging to his lips. After everything, there’s something he immediately recognizes. 

“You’re not seeing anyone,  are you?” He says.

“No, this really infuriating guy named Captain Blonde Beard keeps texting me at 3am.”

Michael is still laughing when he kisses him. 

This, Alex thinks, is more than worth the wait. 

[stfuisaac]

hello hello it’s lucky again and,, sadly,, we don’t have the technology that makes the thoughts we have just.... appear onto our screens yet... so this took a hot sec and still isn’t perfect bc i don’t plan on proofreading :\ but! here,, is,, my new,, drummer boy,, parumpumpumpum

‹ avan jogia, he/him, cis man, bisexual. › ISAAC BAROT is the TWENTY-SEVEN year old from SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA. when a friend asked them what they thought of the manor they said,  ❝ I HEARD THIS IS WHERE THEY DECIDED TO MAKE THE TWILIGHT ZONE. ❞ they claim GET OUT is their favorite scary movie, and if they were to die in a horror film they would BE OBLIVIOUS TO THERE EVEN BEING A KILLER UNTIL IT’S TOO LATE. their fears include MANNEQUINS, HITCH-HIKERS and DYING WITH NOTHING TO SHOW, and they don’t know we know, but… HE GOT INTO A (MUTUALLY) NEAR FATAL ALTERCATION WITH A STRANGER HE GAVE A RIDE TO (YES, HE WAS AN UBER DRIVER - HIS GREATEST SHAME). hope they enjoy their stay. ‹ PLATANCHOR requested by JOAKIM from STRESSED OUT penned by, LUCKY, 20, EST. ›

QUICK FACTS:

full name: isaac benjamin barot

date of birth: september 12, 1992

*does not perfectly reflect the below Big Three zodiac chart because that’s so much math

zodiac big three: virgo sun, taurus moon, libra rising

gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him

sexual orientation: bisexual

occupation: session drummer + lyft driver + ex-uber driver

mbti: entp

enneagram: 5w6

the song i listen to on repeat while i write the intro: “deja vu” - roger waters

BACKGROUND INFO:

alright. so.

isaac's backstory is neither tragic nor easy. his father was an immigrant who married his mother solely to get a green card (y’all, to be fair... the citizenship tests are whack). there wasn’t any real romance between the two, but the drop-ins always said otherwise. no, outside of putting on a show for government officials, isaac’s father and mother were friends at the best of times.

the best of times culminated in a son who grew up in an interesting dynamic. his father and mother never even attempted to be anything more than friends (with, as you can see, the occasional benefits). after the check-ins finally stopped, his father and mother even began sleeping in different rooms. his mother would trade in her queen for a double and replace the space his father used to take up with his cradle.

it was nothing like the ‘unhappy marriage’ trope, though... again, because they barely ever pretended to be married. they would take their wedding rings off when they went out with friends. sometimes they would even take off their rings around each other and talk the other up to someone attractive.

so it was unorthodox, but it was much better than his parents pretending to be in love in that way and giving him a skewed version of what romance should look like.

one down-side to it, though, was that isaac never knew who he was supposed to go to for what. usually it’s just a given that “if you need/want x, go to the matriarch, if you need/want y, go to the patriarch” but... what happens... when your parents are basically just your friends?

so thank god for growing up in the age of technology. like,, ya,, a literal baby can’t google things like “how to say ‘mom’” but a 15y/o can google “how to shave”

so... ya... his parents were his friends, the internet was his parent(s?).

one thing the internet couldn’t do? give him drums. it could introduce him to the likes of ringo starr, john bonham, keith moon, and ginger baker, but it couldn’t give him drums... not when he was only, like... 10, at least.

so he put a set on his christmas wishlist and figured they would divide amongst themselves.

so ya, his 10th christmas, he got a shitty little rockwood hohner kit that he would use for the next nine years.

he never received any professional training. again, he didn’t know who to ask and... youtube wouldn’t exist for another three years. he tried to teach himself using a few books and, if nothing else, figured out a few simple beats and how to gain independence.

after learning those simple little beats and not knowing if he wanted to buy the next book, he decided to take a break and, instead of going back to professional books, he’d just listen to some of his favorite tracks... most of which were ginger baker... which made things kind of hard when he only had one bass drum, two tom-toms, and one floor tom. those, plus the really low quality pearl cymbals. still, he did his best to make it work.

just a side-note that, because of videos of ginger, isaac used (and still uses, out of habit) a mix of traditional and matched grip.

he went back and forth between the books and mimicking the patterns of other drummers (mostly ginger) up until he was around 16 and his friend, ribs (y’all), decided to teach him a few more technical skills. what you want to learn for this song are polyrhythms, but those are hard and no, ginger isn’t using a crash there, he’s using a splash and do you want a discount on some better cymbals and drumheads from my parents’s music shop because this is a very functional kit but it kind of sounds whack

he continued using the same whack kit, but replaced the heads with aquarians, as per ribs’s recommendation (but evans and remo are also good) and, after literally examining baker’s kit, replaced the cymbals with various zildjian collections

even though we stan istanbul agop in this house.

he also started listening to more drummers than... pretty much just baker with a hint of john bonham, keith moon, and ringo starr. as his friend suggested, he tried out drummers like buddy rich, art blakey, travis barker, dave grohl, karen carpenter, neil peart, nick mason, simon phillips –– even was told to listen to ac/dc songs just to see how a successful band could be made using essentially the same beat over and over and over.

so now he had some split time. school. work. practice. figure out who the hell was making dinner that night/if there was someone making dinner last night because they might both be talking each other up.

although he applied to various colleges, and although some of these colleges actually accepted him, he ultimately decided not to go. instead, he moved from san jose to los angeles in the hopes that he’d find something bigger than himself... and a new drum set...

he found the latter in a ludwig kit with two bass drums, two tom-toms, and two floor toms. then he just added a bunch of stuff and tried to make it like ginger baker’s. pretty much spent all of his money on it and then some.

when his friends formed a band and found success, he was very very happy for them... but... he found himself stuck... driving ubers.

and lyfts!

he’d seen the twilight zone before. he loved that show. he’d seen the episode ‘the hitch-hiker,’ so he was really driving for the companies against his better judgment. 

his worst uber story? the time a guy got into the car, had pinged a location that was still marked as a store on the uber gps but had recently been torn down, and tried to attack him when they got there :\ he 110% fought back, though. was fired because the other guy was the one who made it out injured.

only drove for lyft after that :\

he did take on a few projects, but he... proved to be too much of a roger waters for people who just wanted to chill and have fun. there would be adverts for people who wanted to form a band and he’d be like “hell yeah! finally! a band!” then he’d get pissed that they advertised it so seriously but really... just wanted to jam. did not have any plans to try to do anything with it.

the few projects he did join that involved people who wanted to actually achieve success... if they were slacking, you best bet his inner roger waters came out! which is why he never stuck around in any projects for too long!

but ‘projects’ and ‘jam sessions’ were totally different. you want to do ‘wipeout’ in a project? he’s gonna take that intro that literally everyone on the planet knows SERIOUSLY. you want to do ‘wipeout’ in a jam session? LET’S HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT.

he does some session/studio drumming for other artists to make some extra money while doing something he genuinely enjoys... but... still... it is no project™

in between things right now, he got a call from joakim that, while muffled and staticky, sounded like it said ‘get here, please’ and clearly stated where he was.

of course, voicemail lines were crossed and many many many essential words were left out – words that were basically saying the exact opposite ahfsdkjl. the shadow’s really playin them :\

so here he is, in all his glory.

TL;DR:

i was gonna kms if i didn’t play another drummer, so this is my ginger baker fanboy whose parents were literally just best friends and, as a result, were also both his friend. the internet raised him. started playing drums when he was 10 on a low qual kit with low qual cymbals that his parents got him for christmas, but literally why would you get a beginning a good set? continued playing. eventually moved to los angeles and tried to form many successful projects, but was too much of a roger waters. was summoned up here by the shadow man fucking around joakim. his greatest shame is how many ubers he has driven.

PERSONALITY INFO:

he will always say his proudest moment was when he learned how to play ‘toad’ by ginger baker cream all the way through.

big ginger baker fanboy.

loves the twilight zone and will just spill a random fact out about it every now and again.

a lowkey control freak which completely goes against the way he dresses and the vibe he gives off. 

is only a dick about it if you’re part of one of his ‘projects’ but aren’t taking it seriously tho :\

ok i’m too tired 2 write a personality section rn when im already rly bad at them but!! again!! feel free 2 j refer to the zodiac big three + the personality types!!

FEARS:

mannequins: they’re already creepy enough when you really think about it, then you add in that episode of the twilight zone where the characters wake up in an unfamiliar house and go outside and basically everyone is just a mannequin? ya he hates mannequins.

hitch-hikers: so, as we have just seen, he’s had it bad enough with people who were registered to an app, paying, their personal information readily available, etc., etc... so then what would happen if it was just a complete and utter stranger who didn’t have any personal information, any ping, and was the sole focus of a different twilight zone episode? he... is going... to drive past you. he’ll feel bad about it, but...

dying with nothing to show: here’s the money shot! here’s the deep fear! as has been shown throughout, isaac craves success and some form of a legacy. if he dies with nothing to show for his life, then was his life ever worth it in general?

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

ok,,, it might be bc im tired rn,,, but i have the most basic list that will hopefully be updated tomorrow bc it is SO VERY BASIC:

friends

fwb

ons

exes

enemies (much easier to get on his bad side than it is w/ fluke)

BRAINSTORMING AND/OR SOMETHING FROM YOUR WANTED CONNECTIONS AND/OR WHATEVER YOU HAVE AN IDEA FOR!!!!

[queerchoicesblog]

One Coffee And A Life Lesson (OH, Harper x F!MC)

So, since we will probably have the chance to have a proper chat with Dr. Harper Emery, the dashing Chief of Medicine of Edenbrook Hospital in OH book 3, here’s a fic with a hint of Harper x MC. I mean, we get Ethan, why can’t we get her too? xD

Obviously, since we barely get to see her and she’s the Chief, I could only picture their relationship as a slow-burn. So here we have Meredith (obviously MC xD) and Harper sitting down for a  friendly chat and Dr. Emery gives the intern a piece of advice.

Disclaimer: This fic contains references to panic attacks, loss...and on a brighter note, hints to my personal theory about the reasons behind the breakup between Harper and Ethan.

Word Count: 1778

Perma Tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @bbaba-yagaa @abunchofbadchoices @silverhawkenzie @bhavf @begging-for-kamilah @melodyofgraves @crazypeanat @kennaxval @strangerofbraidwood

Harper Tag: the one and only @korrasamixlover 💕

__________________________

It was a bright new day at Edenbrook Hospital and Dr. Valentine was walking towards her next patient's room, scanning their chart on the way when she felt suddenly lightheaded. She blinked twice and headed towards the wall for support. Her heart started pounding in her chest leaving her short of breath.

As she was almost there, someone carefully placed a hand behind her back.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just-" Meredith said, hoping to sound as reassuring as possible and way more confident than she actually felt at that very moment.

She turned towards the kind stranger to see the Chief of Medicine supporting her and scanning her face.

Crap!, she thought. Who else would it be if not the Chief I’m supposed to impress, huh? My lucky day...

"I don't mean to alarm you, Valentine, but you're getting paler." Dr. Emery said, brows furrowing in slight concern. "Why don't you take a seat and take some deep breaths? Will you do that for me?" she added guiding her to a seat.

"I'm fine, really..." Meredith politely protested but as her legs threatened to fail she did as the woman said and took a seat.

Harper gestured one of the nurses to get a glass of water then she handed it to Meredith, sitting beside her.

"Thank you" the intern said, her hands shaking a little as she reached the plastic cup. "Gosh, this is embarrassing" she winced, blushing slightly.

"You have nothing to have been ashamed" the other woman commented.

Then she gave her a clinical look and inquired, dropping the tone of her voice:

"Have you ever suffered from panic attacks?"

Meredith turned and gaped.

"No! No...I mean, not so far!"

Harper checked if anyone was even involuntarily eavesdropping their conversation then smiled apologetically.

"I know you have a lot going on, the pressure of the competition, your patients, your rounds...you're surely dealing with a significant amount of stress and situations like this can trigger panic attacks. You feel overwhelmed as if the world is on your shoulders and you crumble under his we-"

"But I can't have panic attacks! I'm gonna be a doctor!" Meredith interrupted her, eyes widened with concerns.

Dr. Emery took a deep breath and checked the time on her watch. Then she turned to the intern again and offered her a hand:

"Come with me"

Meredith looked at her in disbelief.

"My break starts in five minutes and I bet you skipped your breakfast this morning, am I right?"

Meredith diverted her eyes.

"Typical" Harper rolled her eyes then offered her a smile to signal she wasn't mad at her. "Every single intern makes this mistake sooner or later. Let's head to the cafeteria, I need a coffee too".

----------------

Twenty minutes later Dr. Emery placed a steaming mug and plate in front of a frowning Meredith.

"Coffee and key lime pie. My favorite"

"I...you really didn't have to, Dr. Emery, I'm so sorry-"

"Quit apologizing, Valentine, and please, grab a bite of that pie" Emery ordered, but the look on her face wasn't stern

Meredith obliged and the taste of lime and cream exploded in her mouth. It was her first snack since...yesterday's lunch.

"I must admit, I was hoping to get to know Ethan's favorite"

Dr. Emery gave her an unreadable smile. Am I in trouble?, she thought. As she tried to find the right words to answer that, the other woman spoke again:

"Don’t act so surprised, it's rather obvious. I'm sure you've noticed how grumpy Ethan is and he's all smiles and kind words around you."

Is she jealous? I should have expect-

"Generally, everyone who dares to make him reason getting in the way of his devoted mission to save the world receives only scolds and harsh words" she explained, breaking eye contact to stare into the distance.

Meredith couldn't refrain herself from wondering if the Chief talked from experience. And if she diverted her eyes to hide a wound.

"Hm, we all took the Oath of Hippocrates...what's wrong with wanting to save lives?" she tried to articulate her thoughts.

Harper turned back to her.

"Nothing, Valentine." she smiled weakly. "Unless it becomes an obsession"

Meredith wasn't expecting that kind of answer.

"What do you mean? If...if I may ask"

"Listen, Valentine, I don't know what you've heard of me or what Ethan told you about me, but-" the other woman started saying but stopped mid-sentence as if pondering her next words.

She took a sip of her coffee before speaking again, her voice calm and steady as usual.

"I'll tell you a story. Now I'm a quite famous neurosurgeon-"

"The greatest surgeon of your generation" Meredith beamed.

Harper gave her a quick smile, recognizing the words every intern had whispered about her for ages in complete awe, probably hoping to be like her one day.

"Reaching the top wasn't easy. It's a male-dominated environment and requires absolute devotion to your career. You're forced to sacrifice much to follow that dream. But that's not what I meant to say now." she cleared her throat as if to push away unpleasant thoughts or memories.

"Back at the time, I was making quite an impression in the medical world and my boss probably wanted to test me. I was assigned to a pretty tough case, to put it mildly. A young patient with a grave illness requiring a very complicated surgery. Alexander Evans, that was the guy's name. I studied his case for weeks and I was about to prove my talent to the world and hopefully help Alex start a new, happier life. All I had to do, all he needed was in my hands"

Harper took a pause. She looked straight into Meredith's eyes.

"Do you wanna know what happened?"

The intern nodded.

"The day of the surgery, I was standing by the sink in the antechamber of the operating room and my hands were shaking. Shaking badly. It never happened to me before. I started spiraling down and my heart was racing in my chest. I had a panic attack. I'd spent weeks immersed in Alexander's papers and charts, I empathized with him, I got involved with his story, his suffering...I wanted to free him from his ordeal: I felt I had that power but out of the blue, as I was washing my arms out of routine a thought crossed my head. What if I fail? Alex would die or keep living an awful life and it would be my fault only" she lowered her eyes, reminiscing her younger self.

When she raised them again, she continued.

"In the end, the operation was a success, but we almost lost him once. I did the best I could, we all did the best we could and Alex still sends me Christmas wishes every year. He invited me over for a family dinner when I was in Phoenix for a conference. Do you wanna know what made me stop shaking and walk through that door? It was my mentor. He spotted me struggling and came to me. He grabbed my hands and held them until I calmed down" Dr. Emery mimed that gestured taking Meredith hands into hers "He asked me to take deep breaths then met my gaze and told me a truth I've cherished through all these years. The only real medical truth I know: to save a life you have to save yourself first. Let your demons get to you and you're done."

"You're telling me to keep my demons at bay..?"

Dr. Emery withdrew her hands suddenly aware that someone might have been watching.

"Who do you wanna be, Valentine?"

"A good doctor" Meredith answered without thinking twice. There was a fierce determination in her voice.

"Then don't let fear overwhelm you and cloud your judgment. Work hard, go above and beyond to cure your patients or to ease their suffering but don't become obsessed with it. Save as many lives you can but learn where to stop and accept the inevitable. That's the toughest lesson to learn in our field of work, I assure you. Mourn your losses when it happens and walk in the day after: you can still make a difference in someone's life. But please...remember we're human, not Gods. And this world is hardly fair. Carry it upon your shoulders and you will only succeed in hurting yourself. You'd be on way to become the angry version of yourself, mad at the world for not playing by the rules and frightened by failure. But you are not alone, you’re never alone: don’t let pride or some absurd self-martyrdom plan prevent you from asking for help if needed"

"Are you telling me to be careful with Dr. Ramsey as he has some kind of Atlas syndrome?" Meredith tentatively asked, thinking back to the initial rudeness of her mentor and the desperate determination in his eyes when he told her about Naveen. Maybe it was all making sense now...

Dr. Emery stood, her professional look was back on her face.

"Let's say, this was just a friendly life lesson, Valentine" she gave the intern a polite smile. "I'm afraid my break is over and so is yours."

Meredith would have never got another word from the Chief of Medicine, it was clear. So she thanked her once again for the snack and the talk.

However, Harper was walking towards the door when she stopped and turned towards the intern once more.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Willow and Rowan would like to thank you personally before they start the experimental treatment you signed them up for"

Meredith met her gaze. Before she could think twice another question crossed her mind and left her lips.

"Did you go to Alexander's family dinner? When you were in Phoenix..."

Harper was caught off guard but didn't lose her composure. Her voice was slightly softer than usual when she answered:

"Of course I did. Alexander is an excellent cook"

Meredith flashed her a bright smile: she was secretly hoping to hear that.

"Thank you, Dr. Emery. I'll meet Rowan and Willow as soon as I finish my rounds".

The Chief nodded and headed towards an elevator. As the door closed the hint of a smile still lingered on her lips. After all, Ethan's favorite wasn't bad at all.

[high-fructose-lesbianism]

The 5 Best and 5 Worst songs from 1959’s Billboard Top 100 Singles

The 5 Best Singles

5. Along Came Jones- The Coasters  (#80)

This is a fun, upbeat, catchy song about the narrator watching TV. I’m about that. The narrator’s watching some sort of Western where Jones saves women from horrible fates. The bridge to the chorus are variations of women about to be murdered before Jones saves them. What an excellent concept for a song plus the saxophone is great.

4. Three Stars- Tommy Dee and Carol Kay (#81)

1959 was infamously the year featuring “the day the music died,” which refers to a plane crash that killed Ritchie Valens, The Big Bopper and Buddy Holly. This song plays tribute to it. It basically talks about how talented these three individuals were and how they’re in heaven. Personally, I find it a very sweet and honest tribute. Tommy Dee was not a musician but a disc jockey who released this song weeks after it happened. I don’t think he expected it to chart, he just wanted to pay tribute and I think that’s why the song works. There’s actual personal touches to each tribute. They talk about Buddy Holly’s classic look and how nobody knew him particularly well though his music brought everyone together. Ritchie Valens’ section focuses on how young he was and Tommy Dee does sort of struggle with the fact that he was so young when he died and I think that’s a sad, honest touch. The Big Bopper’s is maybe a little half-assed. It’s pretty clear the writers and performers knew him the least because basically all they said was he was large and talented. Overall, i’m okay with this tribute. It feels genuine as opposed to cynically cashing in on a tragedy.

3. What’d I Say (Parts 1 and 2)- Ray Charles (#50)

More than most songs that charted this year, this song feels like it predicts the future of musical trends. It has a swinging 60′s feel to it. It’s also very danceable. I can see the youth of yesteryear doing the twist and whatever else to this song at a house party. Ray Charles is also of course a great vocalist. He’s got more personality and talent than his bland, white contemporaries. I think you can tell this song is great because there isn’t a white cover of it. Even the professionals back then knew that some cookie-cutter white version of this wouldn’t work

2. I Only Have Eyes For You- The Flamingos (#73)

This is a proper romantic standard. The feeling around this song is great and you just know so many teenagers made out listening to this song. My main problem with so many of songs that charted in this entire decade is that they’re too watered down to properly express the emotion they’re supposed to be singing about. This song avoids that. It sounds properly romantic and longing.

1. Mack the Knife- Bobby Darin (#2)

This song is catchy and about a serial killer. I need nothing else. I seriously want to foxtrot around a dance floor to this song about murder and I don’t even know how to foxtrot. This is a classic of the “oldies” genre that deserves to be remembered 60 years later where so many songs that charted this decade are forgotten. I can’t say that it’s a snapshot of music of the time because it’s much better than its contemporaries. 

The 5 Worst Singles

5. (Seven Little Girls) Sitting in the Back- Paul Evans and the Curls (#100)

 Oh man I hoped this one would make my worst list because I have THOUGHTS. I know that the use of “little girls” was probably not to meant to refer to actual children but aside from the difference in meaning that phrase has 60 years on, I have questions about how seven adult or teenage females could actually fit in a back seat. I dunno, I can’t see this as anything other than seven children “kissing and a’huggin with Fred.” Meanwhile, the narrator drives and complains about how he’s not getting any action only for all seven girls to speak with seven mouths but one voice that he needs to keep his eyes on the road and his mind on his driving. It’s creepy in multiple ways and aside from my taking the lyrics too literally, it doesn’t sound good. The tune is bland and the girl voices they use for the chorus are creepy. 

4. Deck of Cards- Wink Martindale (#71)

This isn’t even a fucking song. It’s Wink Martindale telling a very boring story set to tedious music about how some guy managed to sneak cards into the army by explaining how they relate to the bible. Every single number card, the number of picture cards, the number of dots on a card, the four suits etc is related back to the bible. I respect this guy’s ability to bullshit the army but I didn’t need this as a charting hit. What makes it worse too is that it’s played earnestly. I don’t think you’re supposed to think that this dude is some brilliant liar but actually just a nice, Christian boy who sees god in everything. Oh and plot twist- Wink Martindale was that soldier all along! I have no use for this not-song.

3. Alvin’s Harmonica- David Seville (#48)

Alvin and the Chipmunks can burn in hell. On top of being obnoxious, something I didn’t realize about Alvin and the Chipmunks is that David Seville (or whoever the human voice in this is supposed to be) is basically abusive to Alvin, always yelling at him and singling him out. Alvin’s annoying as fuck but also seems to be a child so it’s rather uncomfortable.

2. Quiet Village- Martin Denny (#18)

This is just really basic, borderline discordant piano music with animal noises in the background. I hate it. There’s no chorus, no bridge, no way of knowing how long the song is. It just meanders from tune to tune and also completely fails to evoke the concept of a quiet village. At least with something like Alvin and the Chipmunks I see the appeal even if I don’t agree. With this song, I just don’t see at all how it became a hit. It’s not even elevator music because it’s too grating to be elevator music. Just fucking awful.

1. The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t be Late)- David Seville (#67)

Another fucking chipmunk song with a tune more likely to get stuck in your head AND it’s a Christmas song. Absolutely not. Also that abuse aspect I talked about in the last Chipmunks song? Still very present and with less antics on the track from Alvin, it’s less justified (if it ever was). Like the human guy pays compliments to the other chipmunks and then always critiques or blames Alvin. I don’t like it.

Other Observations on this List

I listened to this list over a year ago so I don’t really remember many songs worth mentioning or trends worth touching on. My bad.  

There’s a song called Baby Talk in which the narrator’s girlfriend only ever apparently speaks in a spew of gibberish which the narrator then translates. Also then, at the end of the song, it’s mentioned that the narrator is 5 and his love interest is 3. A bad concept for a song.

As mentioned before, this year was impacted by the day the music died. I’m so curious as to what music would have been like had that not happened.

Music trends from 1955 to 1959 have hardly changed at all. There’s a steady evolution but the popular genres remained more or less the same through this half decade. That’s very different from the charts in 2005 to 2009 in which multiple trends in music rose and fell within those years.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 29/05/2021 (Eurovision, BTS, Olivia Rodrigo, Galantis/David Guetta/Little Mix, Anne-Marie & Niall Horan)

What better way to celebrate the end of a week in which I have been consistently ill and surprisingly busy? Sixteen new arrivals, of course! Shoot me, but first, congratulate Olivia Rodrigo for her second #1 as “good 4 u” gets the album boost to overthrow “Body” this week. I can safely say I think it’ll be there for a while. Let’s just start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Sixteen new arrivals and therefore, kind of a bloodbath. Why are there sixteen new arrivals? We’ll get to it. Other than six new arrivals from last week, we have a couple other drop-outs, the notable of which being those that spent five or more weeks in the UK Top 75 – which I cover – or those that peaked in the top 40. Therefore, those include, rather ironically on Olivia Rodrigo’s album week, former #1 “drivers license” (only dropping out because of a silly UK chart rule that only allows three songs per lead artist on the chart), as well as “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals, “Another Love” by Tom Odell, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK, “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon, “Tonight” by Ghost Killer Track and D-Block Europe featuring OBOY and “Miss the Rage” by Trippie Redd and Playboi Carti. I’m not complaining about most of this, sorry, Giveon.

We have no returning entries – thankfully – so instead we can just focus on notable falls and climbers. I guess we’ll start with notable losses, songs that dropped five or more spots from their placement last week, and of course we do have a few of them at least as a result of, say it with me, sixteen new arrivals. The first few of these are all harsh drops because of ACR, which happened to coincide with the rest of the chaos, including “Little Bit of Love” by Tom Grennan at #24, “BED” by Joel Corry, David Guetta and RAYE at #25, “Friday” (Dopamine Re-Edit) by Riton and Nightcrawlers featuring Musafa & Hypeman at #26, “Peaches” by Justin Bieber featuring Daniel Caesar and Giveon at #29 and “Let’s Go Home Together” by Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan at #33. We also have the losses for J. Cole staying surprisingly slim with “My Life” featuring 21 Savage and Morray at #27, “Pride is the Devil” featuring Lil Baby at #28 and “Amari” at #35. The rest are mostly just expected continuous fallers, like “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted at #44, “Nice to Meet Ya” by Wes Nelson and Yxng Bane at #46, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S at #50, “Marea (We’ve Lost Dancing)” by Fred again.. and the Blessed Madonna at #51, “Ferrari Horses” by D-Block Europe featuring RAYE at #53, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals at #57, “Seeing Green” by Nicki Minaj, Drake and Lil Wayne at #58 off of the debut, “All You Ever Wanted” by Rag’n’Bone Man at #61, “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #63, “Leave the Door Open” by Silk Sonic at #64, “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max at #65, Travis Scott’s remix of HVME’s remix of Travis Scott’s “Goosebumps” at #67, “Addicted” by Jorja Smith at #68, “Beautiful Mistakes” by Maroon 5 and Megan Thee Stallion at #70, “Sunshine (The Light)” by Fat Joe, DJ Khaled and Amorphous at #73, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi at #74 and finally “Believe Me” by Navos at #75. Phew.

Now what’s interesting is that we have nearly just as many gains, and they’re pretty unique, big surges in most cases, starting with “Cover Me in Sunshine” by P!nk and Willow Sage Heart at #52 thanks to the album boost that also prompted P!nk’s “All I Know So Far” to creep into the top 40 at #39, “Build a Bitch” by Bella Poarch at #32 off of the debut, “Starstruck” by Years & Years at #31 thanks to a bizarrely uncredited Kylie Minogue remix, “Little More Love” by AJ Tracey at #21, “Didn’t Know” by Tom Zanetti at #20, “Higher Power” by Coldplay at #19, “Black Hole” by Griff at #18, Majestic’s remix of Boney M.’s “Rasputin” at #16, “Good Without” by Mimi Webb soaring into the top 10 and hence becoming her first at #10, and Olivia Rodrigo getting her third thanks to the album boost as “deja vu” is at #4. I think that’s more than enough that needs to be said about music that was already on the chart last week, so welcome back to the part of this series where I get either increasingly frustrated or exhausted every time I have to list another song.

NEW ARRIVALS

#72 – “Life Goes On” – PS1 featuring Alex Hosking

Produced by PS1 and Mark Alston

So, what better way to start sixteen new arrivals? A generic piano-house club track, of course. PS1 is a New York DJ and for this track with a 90s-esque piano and synth melody, bassy drop and tight, bland percussion as well as oddly-mixed anonymous female vocals made to sound robotic regardless of genuine emotive performance, he’s enlisted Australian singer Alex Hosking as well as co-songwriting from hit-makers GOODBOYS, both of which make remarkably little difference to the fact that despite being a faux-inspirational club track, this song is incredibly joyless and flailing in as pathetic and one-note of a fashion as possible. Yes, that is one exhaustive sentence chugging on as long as possible, but there’s no better way to parallel this disposable garbage than that.

#71 – “What a Time” – Julia Michaels featuring Niall Horan

Produced by Ian Kirkpatrick and RKCB

Niall Horan coincidentally has two unrelated female-male duets debuting with him in this week. Thankfully, Julia Michaels only has the one track debuting, and for the love of God, I can’t even figure out why she has the one, as this is a track from a 2019 EP that flew massively under every radar except seemingly mine as whilst I have listened to this EP, I cannot remember for the life of me liking any of it besides “Anxiety”, which makes sense since Michaels is at best an uninteresting songwriter and at worst an insufferable vocal presence. Regardless, I’m going to assume the surge is due to TikTok or some kind of residual Niall Horan hype, whatever there is of that, and look at this song two years after the fact. Well, for what it’s worth, I appreciate the vaguely folkish guitar riff, even if it’s going to be drowned out immensely by Michaels’ approach to vocal takes, which is to put as little effort into that first take and then multi-track enough for it to sound listenable, particularly on that bizarrely unfitting chorus in which reminiscing on a wonderful, intimate time with your partner is demonstrated by rote piano chords, an awkward string swell and distant, reverb-drenched incoherency on the vocals. I guess I do like the switch in the final chorus as she changes “what a time” to “what a lie” to emphasise the bitterness of that break-up, but I don’t think that bitterness has to soak the entire master because this song is dripping in apathy that I just don’t have any time for personally in my pop power ballads. Wait, Niall Horan was on this song?

Eurovision Song Contest 2021

Whilst I may not do a special episode on this blog for the Eurovision Song Contest, I’d be lying if I didn’t confess to watching and enjoying it every year. This year’s, the first since 2019 for obvious reasons, was hosted in Rotterdam in the Netherlands and was won by an Italian rock band, with the United Kingdom infamously receiving zero points yet somehow more applause than Israel’s performance. Telling. It’s not all politics though, obviously: the reason songs win is not just the lighting, stage presence, vocal performance or grandiosity, but rather the songs themselves, or at least ostensibly so. The winner this year didn’t have the best of any of those factors in my opinion – no, not even the politics – so it’s clearly about a mixture of this success criteria. This year had some particularly good songs and the most consistency out of Eurovision in a while, naturally leading to quite a few new arrivals, also factored in by the charts being weak, so we essentially get an album bomb. Let’s pile up every new arrival related to Eurovision and talk somewhat more briefly about each song, starting with...

#66 – “Dark Side” – Blind Channel

Representing: FINLAND

The Finnish entry this year is one of two heavy rock entries, both of which charted, and this is a genre represented by about one country annually. There’s always a Gothic-influenced or industrial-esque band in the shortlist or national finals if not the semis and international final, but it doesn’t stop them from being some of the most interesting Eurovision contesters. It’s in English and came sixth with 301 points. Is it any good? Well, it’s far from bad with that pumping electronic groove before it’s crushed by metallic, distorted and rather ugly guitars that remind me of, if anything, scene-era nu metal and crunkcore, especially due to the clean and growling vocal dynamic. The song is still anthemic as all hell and if we ignore the dog barking and stuttering vocals, as well as the fact that these vocalists don’t have that much grit to their performance, we can appreciate the clamouring rock track this is, and I’d be lying if I said that final chorus isn’t pretty epic. Next!

#62 – “Voilá” – Barbara Pravi

Representing: FRANCE

The French entry this year is one my staunchly Italian nationalist online friend immediately had a distaste for, and as someone with British citizenship, I am also legally obliged to give this Worst of the Week. Sorry, Barbara but traditions are traditions. It’s in her native French and came second overall with 499 points. Is it any good? Well, like many French entries and French pop songs in general, it’s in a chanson style that adapts very well to the modern western art-pop sound, as Pravi’s cooing vocals are at full focus in the mix as they skate around more subtle pianos, wonderfully elegant strings and this wistful tone that may or may not make sense for the content. What? I’m not learning a word of French past what was grained into me during primary school. Overall, I think this is a pretty great song with a lot of that almost Bjork-esque swell especially in Pravi’s vocal performance that I think makes for a pretty excellent listen, especially by the time that abrupt finish hits. I’d probably prefer it being a bit less minimal and scattered so the hook hits harder but overall this is one of the best Eurovision entries this year. However, she is French so, next!

#59 – “SHUM” – Go_A

Representing: UKRAINE

The Ukrainian entry, always successful enough to get to the finals, was particularly hyped up prior due to its... eccentricity and ended up in fifth place with 364 points. It’s in their native Ukrainian so they might as well be garbling acid both verbally and as a written text, so I guess I have to judge it on the fact that this is pretty bonkers, with a charismatic and energetic vocal performance that yells over triumphant bassy horns perfectly blended with the 80s bass synths but not so much with those chirping flutes that, whilst cool on paper, kind of just give me a headache when faced against this thumping dance beat that remains decidedly strained for most of its runtime, and annoyingly so as it means the song never has that cathartic of a release, at least to me, but what drop it has ends up deconstructed and janky in something that might fit on PC Music but I’m not sure it does on Ukrainian Eurovision. This has something there, but I’m not into it. Sorry.

#47 – “Embers” – James Newman

REPRESENTING: United Kingdom

A catastrophic loss is British culture at Eurovision, and it’s not the first time in this century that we’ve gotten the infamous null points. James happens to be related to the more noteworthy John Newman, but that didn’t avoid a “nil points catastrophe”, coined by Jochan Embley, who reviewed the song for the Evening Standard and is now set in stone as an utter fool as his quote predicting that not to be the case this year is now forever preserved on the Wikipedia page for this very song. Nice one, Embley. We finished at twenty-sixth and Newman should honestly be glad this embarrassment is charting. The worst part of this whole ordeal is that the song’s actually fine and definitely representative of British pop music with its 90s-esque piano, bassy drop and anonymous vocal performance – if any of that sounds familiar – and I do love the plastic brass added here for the sake of bombast. It’s nothing interesting, and a tad too long considering how little it does with its musical premise, but it’s not worse than half of any given Eurovision. Maybe next year we submit a UK drill song, I’m sure that’ll get the people going. Tion Wayne, do you want to take a flight to Italy in 2022? Maybe bring Young Adz here while you’re at it; that could truly be a fascinatingly out of place Eurovision entry but at least one of these countries – probably Russia – would vote for it. As for now, at least this was funny to see absolutely bomb, and Graham Norton become increasingly hopeless for its success as the night went on.

#43 – “10 Years” – Daoi Freyr

REPRESENTING: Iceland

One part of this guy’s backing band tested positive for COVID-19 so they had to isolate and just show the dress rehearsal again but it didn’t stop them from charting and delivering a pretty damn unique entry, as Iceland is known for doing nowadays. It’s all in English and finished in fourth place with 378 points, and is it any good? Well, for one of the whitest concepts in television, this is the whitest song of this year’s entries, starting with some gentle violins before abruptly careening straight into this Daoi Freyr guy monotonously droning over bass-heavy nu-disco straight out of the 2000s with a level of irony balancing out whatever sincerity there is in the quasi-R&B breakdown, and, you know, it’s fun, at least? I do think the stage performance is remarkably more interesting than this funktronica mess in the studio, but this is catchy and inoffensive, two good ways to get people to care about your song in Eurovision, so it makes sense. Also,  that chiptune synth-solo borderline saves this song, even in all its brevity.

#17 – “ZITTI E BUONI” – Maneskin

REPRESENTING: Italy

So third place didn’t chart – sorry, Switzerland – but we do obviously get the winner charting as high as the top 20. The chart’s weak and the lead singer’s hot and probably does cocaine – it’s a recipe for success, especially when they probably have mafia connections and can threaten or buy their way into the charts. Unrealistic and possibly xenophobic stereotypes aside, this is the Italian entry and whilst I was personally gunning for Portugal, who came twelfth, I can see how this gathered 524 points, even if they had to censor the lyrics for the sake of the contest, not that I can tell because I do not know a lick of Italian. Sorry, Ignacio. Anyway, this song kicks ass and rather disrespectfully at that, as the lead singer breathily sings over garage rock-esque guitar licks and some pretty manic drumming that delivers not only a catchy hook but an undeniable groove, assisted by some slick rapping that comes out of the blue in the second verse and honestly fits the song – and the singer – a lot better than it has any right to. Congratulations, Italy – you’ll be paying out the ass for the next contest. Ciao!

Back to your regularly scheduled programming...

Well, that got a lot out of the way. Not all of it, though.

#60 – “Topshottas Freestyle” – Potter Payper

Produced by Chucks

Potter Payper is basically some guy from Barking, East London, and that’s all you need to sign a record deal with the same label that has Stormzy on payroll so that’s why he’s here. With that said, there’s something deeper here, or at least in the first few lines of this singular verse – without a chorus – in which Potter Payper narrates a street lifestyle, far too common for young working-class British men, retelling what is probably his truth about the consequences of ignoring motherly advices and finding yourself in a situation surrounded by gang violence, drug trafficking and all the paranoia that comes with it. Of course, he then brags about his wordplay, gunplay and fashion, and the rest of the verse just feels aimless with nothing exactly restraining the meandering checklist of clichés, and zilch returning it back to what I thought was going to be the point of the song. I guess this trap beat is okay but this same acoustic guitar and oddly-mastered bass is so common and uninteresting that I find it hard to care. I don’t have an issue with British music being Americanised as that’s just the result of musical evolution and the sharing of culture, but when the only way you can tell this isn’t from the States is the accent does make me question why this is charting amongst Dave and AJ Tracey instead of Lil Baby and Gunna.

#56 – “GANG GANG” – Polo G and Lil Wayne

Produced by Angelo Ferraro

Polo G, after just having the biggest hit of his career with the US #1 hit “RAPSTAR”, follows it up with a Lil Wayne collaboration and thanks to a busy and just misguided release date and timing, it makes a lot less noise than it should. It absolutely deserves that level of attention too, with its chopped-up borderline ambient melody that creates  a perfect foundation for this high-energy bass-heavy trap beat as well as Polo G delivering a lot more energy than on “RAPSTAR” (to the point where I think that’s the reason why his actually interesting songs don’t do as well). The chorus has a pretty great melodic switch-up by the end and whilst the flows are pretty rote, it’s hard to say they aren’t smoothly delivering all of the flexing and gunplay pretty typical of Polo G, and if anything that’s what it’s missing: an extra layer of depth, not that I care of course, because Lil Wayne’s on it. Wayne has been astonishingly great on features recently and this is one of his most impressive features to the point where I could barely write about it on first listen, with some of his slickest flow switches ever and whilst the content doesn’t get any more interesting than pouring his heart out for his lean, his pure charisma outshines anyone who could have been on this track and this means this ends up pretty excellent in terms of 2020s trap-rap. I don’t know when that Polo G album is coming but I hope it has more of this. Also, for the love of God, Wayne, keep this energy up for the next album. I’m begging you.

#42 – “SUN GOES DOWN” – Lil Nas X

Produced by Roy Lenzo, Omar Fedi and Take a Daytrip

As his follow up to “MONTERO”, we have a new, decidedly less sexual Lil Nas X hit debuting again surprisingly low on the chart considering the last single’s success, finally delivering in the musical department as for me, there’s a constant conflict between wanting to like Lil Nas as a character, performer and personality rather than actually enjoying any of the guy’s music. Last time I talked about Lil Nas, I did bring up the Pitchfork album review that questioned if he really liked music and whilst it’s funny, I do see how Lil Nas could have perhaps taken Pitchfork to heart as a result as he practically explains his love of popular music as a way for him to feel like he belonged in a community, which is especially meaningful for a man constantly left alienated because of his own mental health issues as a teenager and struggling to come to terms with his homosexuality, to the point of suicidal thoughts. I just love how the verse ends on a happy note where makes the leap of faith to come out and how now he’s proud of himself, he wants to make sure his fans are proud of him since they’re the people who got him there. For me, those last lines recontextualise the chorus as becoming less about contemplating death but more about ascending to a happier place and rejecting all your struggles that you’ve overcome. It helps that this is all sang pretty soulfully over an almost emo guitar melody with some basic flows but gorgeous multi-tracked vocal melodies accentuated by strings that elevate this song even higher, even if it seems underdeveloped. Sure, it doesn’t have that second verse, but does a victory lap need a re-over?

#38 – “Mask” – Dream

Produced by Perish Beats and Banrisk

Nope.

#22 – “Our Song” – Anne-Marie and Niall Horan

Produced by TMS

Okay, so this is a duet where two ex-lovers – only in the song – attempt to get over each other but end up hearing a song they held special to their relationship and all of the memories and pain comes flooding back. Without the youthful exuberance of Taylor Swift’s song of the same name, this duet should carry some bitterness and resentment but mostly capture a hesitant nostalgia... and despite being oddly Niall Horan-dominated, I guess it does that pretty effectively, or at least would if Niall wasn’t crushed by a misshapen trap beat that drowns this pathetically fluttering guitar loop into a mush that not even Anne-Marie can over-sell. Everything here is so utterly basic that it kind of screws itself over by trying for any energy or passion, and therefore kind of just doesn’t. I’m glad.

#9 – “Heartbreak Anthem” – Galantis, David Guetta and Little Mix

Produced by Bloodshy, Henrik Jonback, David Saint Fleur, Thom Bridges, David Guetta, Mike Hawkins, SONDR and Johnny Goldstein

It really speaks to the power of Little Mix that even with only three members and only one of them not expecting a child, they can bring Galantis back of all people. Although given that Galantis is already a duo, I fail to see why David Guetta needs to be here, and the same can go for any of the other seven credited producers of this song, which actually only includes one half of Galantis! I question if a song ever needs that many, despite the fact that in reality they probably contributed zilch to the song each, just enough to get a pay check. None of that should matter, however, if the song isn’t good and I’ll admit this is far from the worst that any of these guys have delivered, with a string melody and swell not unlike 2015-era house Galantis themselves made, and vocal deliveries from the girls that sound like they were located in vastly different locations from each other (to the point where anyone harmonising with Perrie sounds really awkward regardless of how many vocal manipulation effects you can put on them). For seven producers, that’s inexcusable, but as a song, it’s just a shallow post-break-up song that kind of feels like a dig towards Jesy if anything (although I hope it isn’t). I’m not a fan – I never was going to be – but it works for what it is as this colourful house jam, and not much else. This is Galantis’ first top 10 since 2016, by the way. Yeah, Little Mix are that big.

#7 – “traitor” – Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

It couldn’t have been “brutal”? Or “hope ur ok”? Okay, well, if we’re going to have the dullest track on the album bar one I guess we’ll go with the one that follows the “drivers license” formula to a T but without as much passion in the vocals, without as much interesting songwriting quirks and with a whole lot of rote fluff removed far from any indie-girl influence that undercuts what is essentially a teen-pop product. I’m not going to pretend I cannot get caught up in melodrama and embrace that, but this is a slog of a ballad with an almost sing-song, condescending vocal melody in that chorus, multi-tracked and studio-produced to rid her of any of that natural rasp she has when singing live. The song is about being annoyed by an ex finding someone new and the more toxic thoughts that come with being the ex-girlfriend in that situation, but with decidedly low stakes this time around that just make her more unlikeable than relatable. I’m sorry, I didn’t think that album was half-bad at all, but please don’t make this the post-release hit.

#3 – “Butter” – BTS

Produced by Ron Perry, Rob Grimaldi and Stephen Kirk

See, I value my personal information, and I don’t know about you but I’m as scared of these guys as I am Nicki Minaj stans, or Minecraft YouTuber stans, or serial killers, so whilst I doubt my platform is extensive enough to reach that level, I also know that these people are so online that they could easily find me somehow somewhere. With that said, just to clarify, when I say I wish I could “Nope” myself out of this one like I did with Dream because I have consistently little to say about this band, it’s not because I in any way dislike BTS or the band members within, or their record label that manages them and many other K-pop bands which I also do not dislike, or, because I’ve seen this happen, East Asians in general. Is that enough stalling to just say I don’t care about this basic pop fluff? When BTS are in Korean, their lyrics aren’t embarrassing and their production tends to be more experimental or at least catchier, more interesting. I like a fair few Korean BTS songs as a result but I just do not see the appeal in making another stiff, cleanly-produced 80s-esque funk-pop song with some chiptune synths that are admittedly kinda cool other than getting on US radio. There’s some interplay between the boys here but it just leads to a pretty homogenised track where none of them have enough personality to shine through, not even SUGA and RM on the tacked-on rap verse that so awkwardly ends. The synth solo sounds perfectly out of an era of dated 80s synths that I’m not sure anyone other than Bruno Mars actually had nostalgia for, and not even some pretty vocoder can save it. The writing is too clumsy, the production’s not equipped to handle it and there’s not much to speak of in terms of performance. I fear for my life when I say it but I think this is actually pretty bad.

Conclusion

Okay, so, we’re finally finished with this week and God, I’m glad, as there’s not that much quality here to speak of, although what is here is here in droves, so Best of the Week gladly goes to Polo G and Lil Wayne for “GANG GANG”, with “Sun Goes Down” by Lil Nas X following closely behind as an Honourable Mention. In terms of Worst of the Week, it doesn’t actually go to they who shall not or he who should not be named, instead going to the pathetic “Your Song” by Anne-Marie and Niall Horan, with a Dishonourable Mention going to BTS for “Butter”. It’s just “Dynamite” again but with considerably less reason to exist. Here’s this week’s top 10:

If I make it to next week, who knows what’s coming? This is a slower week – hopefully – and I don’t think black midi will chart, though it’d be comical, so I’ll hold off on predictions and just thank you for reading. See you next week!

[rachelkulagodfrey-blog]

A [MUSIC] Review: My 10+1 Favorite Live Acts From the Last Six Months

Originally posted on January 17, 2019.

Some people procrastinate by online shopping, cleaning, or watching the first season of a Netflix show that truly isn’t worth it (Judd Apatow’s Love stole my time and I want it back).

Others make an Instagram post about how they “just can’t focus :/”, masturbate to a point where it’s almost violent, or complete every single task except for the most pressing one at hand.

I am all of these people. Baked to perfection.

As appealing as all of these options are, my favorite way to procrastinate is watching live musical performances. If I said this was my number one choice because I really love to see what each and every artist can do on their feet, I would be LYING; it’s because I’m broke. Imagining I’m in the actual audience sounds like a cute and affordable outing to me.

I was originally going to write a late post about my ten favorite live musical acts of 2018, but then The Holy Trinity™ a.k.a The Goat Trio (Noname, Smino, and Saba) decided to perform on The Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon and fuck up my whole plan.

Fucked up my whole plan, but made my whole life.

Here are the 10+1 live acts that have rustled my big and bright feathers in the last 184 days, ordered by upload date:

1. Mac Miller: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

August 6, 2018

I was tabling at my school’s Student Activities Fair when one of my best friends approached me looking like tears were seconds from falling down her cheeks and flooding the fucking campus. Her “I have to tell you something” was followed by what most onlookers would probably describe as an unnecessarily loud processing of the Five Ws and One H of Malcolm McCormick’s death. It probably looked overdramatic, but it honestly didn’t feel that way.

Mac’s placement in my mind shifted in tandem with his style. In his “Knock, Knock” days, he was the weird white kid who Wiz Khalifa seemed to have taken under his wing. I started high school a week or two before “Smile Back” was released. And I was in attack mode after a girl had used up MY oxygen to talk about me not being a “real” Black girl. While 14-year-old-me did put a hex on her soon after, Mac’s anthem of the opposition not being worth my stress set my mind right. Did not reverse the hex, though. Sorry, sis.

His eventual Earl Sweatshirt, Ab-Soul, and Anderson .Paak collaborations reframed the way I thought of him as a creative. I realized how open he was, and how honored he was to share space and thought with a wide range of musical talents. You can hear it in the production of the songs. His NPR Tiny Desk was an elevation of this. His energy was right. Thundercat on bass was right. Watching this performance made me want to bop the shit out of my head but also call all my old niggas and let them know I was suing them for stealing energy I could have put toward studying a cool cat’s artistry. So much love to Mr. Malcolm.

Favorite Moment(s): When Mac laughs at Thundercat’s abrupt tone change during “What’s the Use?” @ 9:10.

2. Rex Orange County performing “Sunflower” live on KCRW

August 14, 2018

I know I’ll get heat for this. But Alex O’ Connor is worth the slack.

In this performance, Rex Orange County looks and sounds like the place where lo-fi, Big Mouth, and driven-over lilacs meet. Doesn’t seem like the most appealing thing that could come out of your speakers, but it’s honestly just one really sweet surprise. And romance may be a capitalist sham, but all I can say is ShamWow! After finding out that he wrote “Sunflower” for his girlfriend of 3+ years, the bridge started to make me feel like someone slipped me a “Would You Date Me?” note in detention. Uncomfortable, but definitely entertained.

Favorite Moment(s): The aforementioned bridge @ 3:02.

3. serpentwithfeet – mourning song (Live on KEXP)

September 11, 2018

Josiah Wise, better known as serpentwithfeet, is one of the greatest storytellers I have ever witnessed. His entire KEXP performance is worth watching to see an immersive experiment in chaos and control using lighting, backtracks, and his voice. Confidence is not something we often associate with grief. In this performance of “mourning song”, he lists all the ways he will allow himself to think and feel through the end of an intimate relationship. Every time I listen to this song, I feel like he actually rips the voices from my head that tell me I am a burden, or that I must hide any part of myself.

I’m not really a church-going girl anymore so I won’t say watching this took me there. But it definitely took me to the Pokémon Center. HP on 255, bitch.

Favorite Moment(s): When he plays around with distance from the mic @ 2:30.

4. 070 Shake – I Laugh When I’m Friends But Sad When I’m Alone

September 14, 2018

My dearest New Jersey babe. The shining star of the 070 Crew, Danielle Balbuena, used to be at the top of my “Anal Sounds Great!” list after the 2016 “Bass for my Thoughts” release. Trevante Rhodes has since stolen her spot.

Shake takes her time with COLORS to sing about her unadulterated thoughts about the negatives that come along with fame, as well as how the perceived positive of always being around people can be suffocating. No matter what life decisions we try to make, no matter what our intentions, we’ll always be criticized. 9/10 times the criticism will come from people who are too scared to live out their own dreams and have decided to try and put their hooks into the dreams of others. I love this performance because she manages to make the sentiment hit relying primarily on her flow, with the beat not coming in until more than halfway through the video.

Favorite Moment(s): The belting at the end. She sounds like Roy Woods and it makes me want a collab.

5. Noname Performs A Three-Song Medley From Her Album ‘Room 25’

October 18, 2018

I am a walking Noname stan account.

I saw her perform during my sophomore year of college, soon after Telefone‘s release. I had never felt so represented in my existential absurdity. She was as wishful as she was uncertain; the last time I had felt that seen was when I heard Paramore’s “For A Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic” for the first time. But you know angsty white people are always doing something, so it didn’t really click the same. I sobbed in the first row while Noname rapped about the effects poverty has on the Black imagination, battling with addiction, and finding the will to fight our own apathy.

In this performance, she gifts us with a three-song medley, featuring “Blaxploitation”, “Prayer Song”, and “Don’t Forget About Me”, three singles from Room 25. Together, the musical collage tells a story about trying to create in a culture that values what we make more than our livelihood.

Favorite Moment(s): The GIGGLE when the music ends before she does.

6. dvsn: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

November 28, 2018

Roy Woods and Majid Jordan were my favorite OVO acts for the longest time. I had heard of dvsn and didn’t really care for the duo at first. I didn’t even know they were a duo until like a week ago.

One night I was at a party that I didn’t want to be at, and I really wasn’t feeling the music. While I waited to sober up so I could walk home, I put on my headphones and started playing my own music. When the beat in “Mood” dropped and Daniel Daley’s vocals came in, I knew it was the beginning of a spiral into a rabbit hole full of fuck nigga energy… Energy to which I am apparently still very open. In this performance, Daley’s falsetto as he sings about not wanting to pull out of his partner is literally the most disarming sound I’ve ever heard. It’s what I imagine the Sirens in the Odyssey sounded like. I’m 100% certain that behind the sunglasses, his eyes are pitch black. Because Satan.

Favorite Moment(s): 6:13 – 6:35. Mother of God.

7. Rapsody, “Sassy” Night Owl | NPR Music

December 4, 2018

RAPSODY IS ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED LYRICISTS OF ALL TIME AND I WILL NOT REST UNTIL JUSTICE IS SERVED.

Like… I’ll sleep and all that. But I will be dissatisfied. Known for her home-hitting lyrical additions – Kendrick Lamar’s “Complexion (A Zulu Love) and Anderson .Paak’s “Without You” – Marlanna Evans deserves so much more for the brilliance that went into Laila’s Wisdom. When she was nominated for 2018 Best Rap Album of the Year, she was the fifth female-identifying nominee in the 23-year history of the category. This performance of one of Laila’s singles, “Sassy”, makes me want to bounce through the streets in some high tops. It demonstrates her ability to give us all profound lyrics and pop-off sounds.

Favorite Moment(s): Her dance break @ 2:45.

8. H.E.R.: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

December 13, 2018

H.E.R. had already appeared on NPR Tiny Desk before this performance, but five minutes of listening to her voice were simply not enough. Whenever I listen to one of her songs, I have to listen to two or three more. The cool thing is that she’s not using subliminal messaging! It’s literally just carefully-honed skill and talent! These niggas can’t even spell talent!

The transitions in this video are wild. Seeing how many times Gabi Wilson switches the instrument she’s playing is honestly just really fun. “Focus” is my favorite H.E.R. song, and this performance takes it up three whole notches. Considering the fact that she’s an actual child prodigy, I cannot help but smile seeing her get the shine she deserves; hearing people refer to her as “the girl who covered the Drake song” really made me as upset as the people who fight in the comments under Lebron highlight reels seem to be.

Favorite Moment(s): The back-and-forth between H.E.R. and the two amazing background vocalists @ 16:28.

9. JPEGMAFIA – Thug Tears | A COLORS SHOW

December 14, 2018

I really cannot tell if Barrington Hendricks/JPEGMAFIA/Peggy is the kind of person who hates astrology and everyone who mentions it, or if he consults his Co-Star chart every morning. Regardless, as the sole member of the non-Scorpio Scorpio Fan Club, I love this Scorpio king.

One second into his COLORS episode, I thought my speakers were fucking broken. Twenty seconds in, I thought I was having a stroke. I eventually realized that I was not being Punk’d by the peculiar nigga on my screen, and decided to go back to the beginning and try this shit again.

I became so infatuated with JPEGMAFIA after watching this performance. This may mean that I need to call my therapist soon, but I would argue that my interest stems from the healing power I feel is available in his artistry. While different from serpentwiththefeet’s “vibe”, Peggy presents us with a similar sentiment: being unafraid to display your emotions, whether it be grief or anger, in ways that are not respectable or palatable can shake up a nigga’s psyche. Lord knows this shit had me shook all the way the fuck up.

Favorite Moment(s): He starts off stretching. Definitely didn’t realize how necessary it was going to be.

10. KOFFEE – TOAST (LIVE FROM KGN)

December 23, 2018

I first listened to Koffee when she performed with Chronixx on the Real Rock Riddim. This past November, the 18-year-old released the inspirational fucking BOP, “Toast”. In the song, she speaks to her performances with Chronixx and other key moments in her musical journey as well as the bright future she sees ahead. The song itself has been at the top of my morning playlist; you already KNOW I love to bust an early whine while I brush my teeth. But this performance… it’s magic. You can barely hear Koffee herself with the audience screaming all the words back at her, letting her know they’ve got her back. And with a big ass smile full of braces, you can tell she’s feeling all the love they’ve got to give. Everyone, myself included, is ready for Koffee to rise to the top.

Favorite Moment(s): Her disbelief at the room’s energy at the beginning, and when she brings on the girls to help her sing @ 1:30.

10+1. Noname ft. Smino and Saba: Ace

January 8, 2018

One day, I’ll share the story of how Noname was an instrumental part in my sexual “becoming”. It’s the same story that I shared with her after the aforementioned concert (still so sorry about that, yikes). Until then:

I screamed when I found out this performance was happening. I don’t even think I can put into words how Noname, Smino, and Saba’s performance of “Ace” changed my whole attitude. For the last eight days, my sense of clarity has been… well, CLEAR! I realized how much my hair had grown. I finished grant and job applications. I’ve received great personal news and old, important friendships are being rekindled. They have too much power. I’m tweaking.

All I have to say is that this video ran me a bath, put a glass of wine in my hand, and made me dinner. Enjoy.

Favorite Moment(s): I. Cannot. Choose. (But wow. The way they look at Saba @ 1:56. I’m emotional.)

[navigatorvega]

My thoughts on the 999 port in The Nonary Games. Warning that because this is a port of my favorite game in one of, if not my most, favorite franchises in fiction, I will be going into detail so it will be long. VERY long. (Spoilers below)

So last night I finished up yet another playthrough of 999, this time in the new TNG port. To get to the end quick, I’ll say that it is excellent and no doubt will be the way I play the game from now on. 

The dub is excellent, with the returning voices being much better than previously. While not necessarily bad, I will say that Wendee Lee’s VLR Clover and Rena Strober’s ZTD Akane were the weakest in their respective first games so their improvement is especially noticeable and appreciated. As for Evan Smith as Junpei, my god. He did a good job in ZTD, but I was very concerned with how he would handle 999 Junpei just because of how different the portrayal needs to be. It would seem that those fears were unfounded however, as he is easily, easily the standout of the cast. Every layer of Junpei is perfect and there’s nary a line that is done below excellence. As for the new cast, they’re very well done. Richard Epcar’s Ace is great, though some of his lines near the end seem to be straining his throat (though considering he’s in his 60s that’s not surprising) and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed that he wasn’t voiced by Michael McConnohie, whom I’ve always imagined his voice sounding like (and as that’s not exactly a fair judgement, I won’t fault it for that, just something I needed to say). However, I will say that the weakest of the cast is Snake’s voice actor (who to my knowledge is still unknown). His portrayal is flat and while not robotic, sounds very emotionless. However, he does have his moments, most notably in the Safe (or as it’s now known, the Zero Lost) ending (Side note: I will still call it the Safe ending from now on. Call me a nostalgia whore, but it just sounds so much better to me than Zero Lost and has less syllables to boot); in it you can truly feel Snake’s absolute rage and despair at his sister’s death and it is most definitely a dub saver to have Snake’s most defining moment in the original game to be done so well. As for the others, they all range from good to excellent, so I won’t say much about them here. 

One big flaw with the dub though is the flashback scenes: You see, instead of getting other voice actors and actresses with more experience playing children, they had all of the voice actors retain their characters and just try to make their voices sound higher and it does not work at all. Akane sounds almost no different and the guys in the cast just sound like they’re trying too hard to be kids. This is especially notable with Junpei’s scene in the end credits where he sounds far too deep to be playing a twelve year old and it is sadly Evan Smith’s biggest blemish with the character. As for how the Japanese handled it, I won’t know until I play through the game in Japanese in the future.

But even if you don’t like the English voice cast and don’t want to listen to the Japanese, there is still hope as, much like previously, you can turn off the voices independently of the music and sfx, giving it a feeling more like the original game (though, sadly, the nostalgic beeps from the DS version are nowhere to be found and it’s highly unlikely to receive any patches or dlc to fix that...). I did try this out and the effect still works rather well as the game’s sound arrangement hasn’t been altered too much, so it retains the feeling of playing the original.

Now then, onto the second biggest change of the port: the flowchart. This was by far my biggest reason for buying the game (besides me being Zero Escape trash of course). Though I was curious how it would be handled; the original game was built in such a way that a branching chart would make no sense, but the one it has doesn’t appear to work either. However, they found an excellent solution using two things: one is a line that highlights where your path has been up to that point. By simply jumping to a point, the line will adjust itself to a new pathway. If you jump forward, the line moves from where it last was, meanwhile if you jump backward, the line gets erased so that it’s clear what path you’re on. And, if you skip past a set of doors it will automatically assume that you took the door that would lead to the Safe ending, which makes sense given that the only requirement in this port to reach that ending is to go through the correct doors (no more having to remember to look at the safe after you’ve completed the puzzle, but before leaving). The second thing is having keys and locks attached to various paths, allowing you and the game to both keep track of what you’ve done thus far to ensure what specific ending you’re getting. My big issue with the lock and key system though, is that they’re color coded, which while useful, is very spoilerific for the first time player (more on that in a bit). Overall, this is the best addition to the game that drastically reduces tedium, though at the cost of making the game the most remarkably short in the trilogy.

Now, onto the most interesting change of them all: the Novel and Adventure modes. Now, as we all know, the original 999 was made for the DS, which had two screens. It was one of the few games on the system to take advantage of that for more than just touch screen gimmicks. The big twist in the end is that Akane is who we’ve been controlling as she’s accessing the morphogenetic field to contact Junpei 9 years in the future. This was cleverly hidden by making it appear that dialogue took place on the top screen, while the narration took place on the bottom screen; in actuality, it was really that the present (or Akane’s future if you prefer) took place in the top screen, while the past (or Akane’s present) took place on the bottom screen and she simply was describing in detail what she saw, rather than being a simple narrator. This was an unrivaled twist that made 999′s story stick out as one of the most unique stories of the decade. The only problem? It relied on two screens to work. TNG is for the PS4, the Vita, and PCs, all of which only have one screen. This posed a hurdle, for obvious reasons, and was one of the biggest concerns among fans as to how this port would work. The solution the devs came up with? There are two modes of play. By pressing a button, the player can switch between two viewpoints:

Adventure - Dialogue exclusively, with new text to have the characters describe what they’re doing, as well as Junpei’s inner thoughts newly added to take over for narration. Told entirely with text boxes.

Novel - The original text from the DS version (though with the new Adventure mode dialogue being put among it now), shown as a slight change to the borders of the screen, with the text placed freely in front of character’s faces.

Now, the problem with this system is that the twist relies on the swapping between Akane’s “narration” and the spoken dialogue. They tried to remedy this by forcing the player to experience certain moments in one particular mode, however, this really isn’t done as often as necessary. Indeed, I’d say this is the weakest change, as the player is not going to want to play in Adventure mode; even with the changes to accommodate no narration, it can still be easy for a player to not understand what just happened on-screen, as since it’s a visual novel all characters are shown in mostly static portraits, rather than full animation. However, if one plays exclusively in Novel mode, a few problems arise:

1 - The text covers up characters, giving it the appearance that they are eating the text at times. This is especially bad during certain CGs, since the character(s)’ faces are usually so high up that the text covers up their eyes and mouths the moment anything is said or narrated.

2 - Adventure mode is the default. After something, like say, a puzzle room happens, the text will switch back from Novel to Adventure. This is problematic since, if you’re somewhat forgetful like me, you can accidentally skip large amounts of narration, forcing you to go back and reread what was said, which can really take you out of the scene. It would be nice if there was an option to set which mode you want as default, but such a thing doesn’t exist, so this gripe goes unanswered.

3 - The purpose of the two screens was to make the player switch back and forth between Junpei and Akane without revealing that they were doing so until the time was right. However, if you spend time exclusively in one mode, you are only viewing it from one perspective, getting rid of the original feel of the narrative. Meanwhile, if you swap between the two frequently, the tedium and constant need to do so, not only makes the narrative harder to get into, but it also draws attention to itself, when the original intent that made the twist work was the subtly of it. Either way, the story suffers for it.

Now, this isn’t a complete issue; as long as you play in Novel mode and make sure you switch back immediately after a puzzle room, you still experience the story for the most part as it was meant to be. I just feel that it could have been done better. 

If they wanted to keep the system, they really should have made the required Novel sections far more frequent, as you can skip large portions of the game that are aided immensely by it. I however think it would have been done better had they done it like this: Have text boxes represent Junpei’s time, and then have the screen gray out and have narration/Akane’s POV appear similar to Sigma’s thoughts in VLR, without any need for swapping modes. This would retain the original intent of the dual screen twist, while making it unobtrusive and allowing the player to still get the full experience. As I said, the system still works, but it could have been done much better with some slight tweaking.

One last, minor gripe: the last puzzle changed. It’s no longer upside-down sudoku (for obvious reasons) and is instead some weird mix and match thing that involves switching between two modes. Obviously the point to it was to mimic the effect of the upside-down sudoku using the games new mode swap system. But, much like the two modes in the main game, it’s pointless to switch to one of the modes, since the other has all of the information and doesn’t do anything other than make the interface slightly awkward. Additionally, the games explanation for it is so convoluted that the only thing confusing about it is figuring out what Junpei’s trying to say; the solution itself is laughably easy. Like I said, minor complaint there.

All in all, I think that this is the best way to play 999....if you’ve played the original already. As mentioned earlier, the flowchart spoils a lot with the way the lock and key system works, outright telling you where you have to go and unlocking where the keys to reach a certain ending are after reaching the final door that would lead to the ending rather than giving them all at once after you’ve gone through all of the doors. This on top of the mode swapping drawing so much attention to itself and Adventure mode not being all that clear if you don’t know what’s supposed to go on in each scene make it so that I think the people who will get the most out of it are people who’ve have already played the original version of the game and who just want to replay it with less tedium. In this way, the original game is still very much a must own for newbies, whereas TNG is a must own for fans of the series who just want to re-experience the magic.

If I sounded negative, please forgive me; as I said, I love this port and it will likely be the way I replay the game from now on unless I’m feeling very nostalgic and want to pick up my DS again. It’s just that as this is my favorite entry in the series, it is very special to me, so even the slightest problems bother me immensely. If you haven’t already, please pick it up and give it a try; what bothered me may not be a problem for you, so don’t let my opinions influence yours. It is very much worth your time and money if you are a fan (or even if you’re not; if you read this then the spoilers really shouldn’t be an issue for you lol).

[evaandnonotlikewalle]

Pirates Have More Fun

His hair is thinning in the back. I never noticed that before. Odd, isn’t it, how I can wake up to that man every day for twenty-three years and not notice how his hair looks in the back? Now, he is turned away from me, and the light from the window makes the room look more sterile, if that is even possible. The hospital gown exposes his back and I can see the faint curve of his spine. I bite my nails and stare at the expanse of his shoulders and the dimples at the base of his neck where his vertebrae begin.

           “How is he doing?” a deep voice whispers from behind me. I turn around and see his ID badge flashing at me nearly as bright as his smile. I had forgotten how bright that smile was.

           “Fine. He’s just sleeping. Been doing it all morning.”

           “You shouldn’t do that,” he orders with a barely hidden smirk.

           “What?” I blurt.

           “Bite your nails. It only ruins them.”

           I pull my hand away from my face, realizing I had been talking through my fingers this whole time. My nails are now jagged and the polish is chipping away.

           “Then again,” he continues, walking toward the bed, “I told you that all the time back in the day. You didn’t listen then and it looks like my words still have yet to resonate with you.”

           “I’m afraid they haven’t. It’s a bad but permanent habit.”

           He picks up the clipboard hanging from the end of the bed and examines it. He squints at it, wrinkles gathering at the corner of his eyes.

           “The nurse came in about an hour ago and replaced his IV,” I inform him.

“I can see that, right here, actually,” he says pointing the paper with his pen.

“Of course!”

I begin to chew at my nails again and tuck my legs under me. “Of course. Of course you can,” I mumble into my hand.

He nods his head, looks at me once, and puts the chart back. “Well, his surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. So, the nurses will be in and out prepping him for that. As for me, I’ll come before he goes in tomorrow. Expect me around eight. Until then, have a good day.”

           He walks past, but not without gently squeezing my hand as it rests limply on the arm of the chair.

           “No need to be nervous,” he assures me with a slow grin.

He leaves and I am left with Michael breathing deeply in sleep. He doesn’t move for hours, only sighing every half hour or so. I sit and read the novel that everyone at the office had been recommending but I never got the chance to start. As I read, his soft snoring scores the action on the page and an itch begins in my feet. Soon the itch travels to my legs and finally to my scalp. I stare at his balding head, biting the insides of my cheeks to the point of bleeding. I dig my toes into the soles of my shoes and slam the book down on the ground beside me.

           I shuffle over so I can see his face and lean in close. He is still breathing heavily and living with him for twenty-three years, I know he isn’t roused from sleep easily.

“Michael, I swear, if this surgery somehow goes wrong, I might…” I chide with a whisper and stare at the ceiling. I notice a spider, black and quick, crawling toward the window. Just before it reaches the window pane it diverts and scuttles into the corner where a small web has been made.

           I sit and read until visiting hours are over. I could stay overnight and keep him company but I don’t think I could take being here anymore. The suffocating quiet of this room while he struts through the hospital halls gnaws at me and makes me squirm. I have to leave; I just have to. I kiss Michael’s balding head and sigh a goodbye. Heading for the elevator, he is suddenly there walking down the hall, tormenting me with his kind smile and cheerful hello’s to those who pass him. I stand there for a moment and just watch him in action. He spots me and stops almost immediately.  

           “Hi, there! Heading out?” he asks.

           “Yeah, appears so,” I reply, shrugging my winter-jacketed shoulders and turning my gaze slightly away, pretending as if I wasn’t staring.

           “I just have to say, you look just as you did when I left for school,” he marvels.

           Tucking my hair behind my ears, “God, I hope not. I had mascara running down my face and my hair was bigger than Dolly Parton’s.”

           He laughs, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, sorry about that, again,” he sighs.

He shakes his head slightly and smiles once again, “Well, let’s just say you look fantastic. You really do. I’m not putting you on.” He waves his hands and shakes his head fervently. He stares down at me and just grins. I almost wish he would stop. Almost.

           “Thank you.” I can’t bring my eyes to look at his face. Already I can feel the color rising in my cheeks.

           “We should catch up some time. Over coffee, maybe?”

           I can barely contain myself, my calm façade melting away onto the tile floor, “Sure. I would love that.”

           “Good. I don’t know what I would have done if you had said no,” he chuckles to himself. “We’ll arrange it after surgery, then.”

           “Sounds great. Well, good night, Sam,” I say as I fumble to grab my gloves from my pocket, unable to look away from him face, expecting him to take it back, expecting this to be some sort of dream.

           “Yeah. Good night, Marianne.” Hurriedly, he leans down and pecks my cheek. I immediately blush. If that didn’t wake me up, then surely this must be real. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

           “Good night,” I repeat loudly as I nearly run into the open elevator. I shuffle into my spot in the cramped space and peek from under my brow as the doors close. He smiles and gives a half-wave.

           When I reach the car and buckle up, I nearly forget to turn on the heat. The flushing of my face is making my sweat lightly under my coat. During the drive home, every song is either too loud or too soft, so I turn it off and drive the half hour home in silence. This time, this silence is absolute bliss; just the sound of the old engine revving away and the tires spinning over the flattened and salted snow.

I get home and check the voicemail; Mom and Dad say the kids are angels and should visit more often. I stare at the kitchen pantry for a while and roll my eyes at the abundance of not-quite-good-enough food, so I opt out of making myself a decent meal and stuff potato chips and dip into my face while I watch television. The blaring of the actor’s voices and the brightness of the screen soon give me a headache and I decide to go to bed early.

I change into my oh-so-sexy pajamas of an old sorority t-shirt and sweatpants and stagger into the bathroom, covering my eyes from the overhead lights. After teeth brushing and make-up removing, I close my eyes and exit the bathroom, only to nearly slip on Evan’s toy dagger that came with his pirate Halloween costume. I pick it up, staring into the plastic rubies and graze my fingers along the silver carvings. I juggle it between my hands and shake my head. I run my hand along the dull plastic and imagine it slicing the skin of my palm with fearful ease, blood dripping onto the polished hardwood. I cock an eyebrow and stick the dagger into the gap between my pants and hip while swaggering into the bedroom. I observe the empty room, turning in a slow 360, and grin. I whip the dagger out and point it at an invisible foe.

“I have you now, sir!” I cry into the empty space. “You cannot escape!”

I chase the foe around the room with jabs and grunts, finally pinning him to the bed under my weight. His imaginary head rests on Michael’s pillow and sneers up at me, daring me to make the final move. I glare at him and plunge the dagger into the pillow, cackling.

“You thought I couldn’t do it! You thought I couldn’t do it, you smug idiot! But I did! Haha! I did!”

I stare at the pillow, feathers poking out of the hole I’ve made. I pull out the dagger and stare at it once again. The plastic rubies glint at me, and I begin to sob, my body convulsing with gasps. I sob into the torn pillow and smother my face in his scent. I think of coffee and blood transfusions, gagging on my tears and memories. I can’t help but hope, hope for the worst. Is it awful if I were to hope? Is it terrible to hope for such things? I lie there, head buried in his pillow, expecting to dream of sword fights and sea chanteys, and as I drift to sleep, I finger the dagger’s cold, hard plastic and dub myself Captain Mantis.

[celebritylive]

For three days in Nashville, it was a country music glutton’s feast of performers: Luke Bryan, Carrie Underwood, Garth Brooks, Miranda Lambert, Kenny Chesney, Keith Urban, Reba McEntire, Dierks Bentley, Eric Church, Florida Georgia Line, Lady Antebellum.

Was there any reason to complain? Well, maybe that Chris Stapleton did fail to show up, but he had a good excuse with three of his five kids down with the flu.

Otherwise, the artist lineups had the sparkliest shine at Country Radio Seminar, the broadcasting convention held last Wednesday through Friday. CRS offers artists and labels the annual opportunity for one-stop radio promotion: to break news, to introduce new music and to boost songs already charting.

No doubt the biggest industry news was label hopscotching by two superstars: Tim McGraw, who recently split from Sony, was the jaw-dropping surprise at Big Machine’s luncheon on Friday, returning to the company where he’d made himself at home from 2012 to 2017; he didn’t perform at the event, but he’s set to release a new single soon and will tour this summer. Reba McEntire’s appearance was the shocker at Team UMG’s revue at Ryman Auditorium on Thursday. Emigrating from Big Machine to her original label, Universal Music Group, she rewarded her audience with a trio of classics: “How Blue,” “And Still” and “Fancy.”

Kenny Chesney, who jumped from Sony to Warner Music a couple of years ago, appeared at Warner’s luncheon on Wednesday to receive the artist humanitarian award from the Country Radio Broadcasters. He was honored for his bountiful charitable efforts, including donating all proceeds, more than $1.1 million, from his 2018 album, Songs for the Saints, to Hurricane Irma relief. Chesney kept any new music under wraps, instead performing crowd-pleasers “Save It for a Rainy Day,” “When The Sun Goes Down” and “Get Along.”

RELATED: After Losing His Own Dog, Kenny Chesney Helped Save 1,400 Animals in the Year Following Hurricane Irma

Since CRS offers a captive audience of radio’s decision-makers, it’s often the moment when new songs are premiered.

This time around, Keith Urban advanced his new single, “God Whispered Your Name” — a luscious R&B-tinged love song with an outro “hallelujah” chorus — that the rest of the world will hear on Thursday.

Just back from two months of surfing, Kip Moore brought his current single, “She’s Mine,” out to play for a verse and a chorus before effortlessly segueing into “Janie Blu,” a soulful heartbreaker probably destined for his next album.

Hard at work on their next project, the Brothers Osborne delivered a first-time performance of “Skeletons,” with trademark guitar licks and a driving “It Ain’t My Fault” beat.

Sam Hunt didn’t bring a hip, hop or click track with him, but he did arrive at UMG’s event with three acoustic guitarists to help him deliver a surprisingly traditional “three chords and the truth” country ballad. Solemn and mournful, “2016” is steeped in regret (“I thought I wanted my freedom / I told myself I’d have a ball / But it turns out goin’ out and chasin’ / Dreams and lonely women / Ain’t freedom after all”). Surely it has some real-life inspiration, considering his well-documented reconciliation that year with girlfriend Hannah Lee Fowler, whom he married in 2017. Hunt’s new album, Southside, is due out April 3.

Kelsea Ballerini also surprised by going traditional in a completely different direction, adding her first-ever drinking song to her catalog. “Hole in the Bottle,” debuting at Amazon Music’s showcase, features a lot of the same tongue-in-cheekiness of Ballerini’s “I Hate Love Songs”: “There’s a hole in the bottle / Leakin’ all this wine / It’s already empty/ It ain’t even suppertime.” (Ballerini takes her country vibe only so far: The bottle holds Cabernet, not whiskey.) The song is sure to show up on her third album, dropping March 20.

At the end of an hour-long Q&A covering his life and career, Eric Church premiered one of 28 songs he’d completed in an astonishing 28-day marathon, in which he wrote and recorded a song a day. Perhaps to be titled, “Jenny,” the high-spirited love song comes with lots of renegade spirit.

RELATED: Who Is That Unmasked Man? Without His Trademark Shades, Eric Church Talks Career, Drive and That Outlaw Image

Still looking for a career-breakout hit, Mickey Guyton delivered a searing debut of “What Are You Gonna Tell Her.” The freshly penned ballad is a bracing dose of reality to young girls with big dreams — a timely message that may be a hard sell to country radio, but the ecstatic reception by the crowd at the UMG event clearly signaled it deserves a national audience.

Other up-and-comers with new music, some just released, also drew attention: Sami Bearden, Savana Santos and Sam Backoff — the girls-next-door trio Avenue Beat — showed they’re blazing their own trail with an infectious song like “Ruin That For Me,” which goes to radio March 23. Travis Denning brought a welcome helping of merriment with new release “ABBY” (which stands for “anybody but you”). At Big Machine’s luncheon, Payton Smith auditioned to be the next country-rock god with a four-song set, including upcoming debut single, “Like I Knew You Would.”

RELATED: Five Things to Know About Travis Denning, Country’s New Go-To Guy for a Good Time

Caylee Hammack was at her storytelling best with new single, the autobiographical “Small Town Hypocrite” (though she might have to find another four-letter word to rhyme with “hypocrite” to get it on terrestrial radio). Danielle Bradbery’s two brand-new ballads, ““Girls In My Hometown” and “Never Have I Ever,” reminded listeners of the crystalline voice that was The Voice on that TV show’s fourth season.

Luke Bryan prepped listeners for his seventh album, out April 24, by performing recently released title cut, “Born Here, Live Here, Die Here.” Carrie Underwood, a newcomer at the UMG event, offered an acoustic version of album cut “Spinning Bottles” and duetted with Urban on their No. 1 hit, “The Fighter.”

Dierks Bentley showed up as Hot Country Knights frontman Doug Douglason in his bad wig and (yikes) a crop-top T-shirt; he and his ’90s-throwback band threw down their new single, “Pick Her Up.” Florida Georgia Line and Lady Antebellum both did victory laps, delivering sets of selected hits at the Big Machine event. Miranda Lambert topped an hour-long Q&A with two Wildcard cuts, “Dark Bars” and “How Dare You Love.” And Garth Brooks turned in an 11-song set of covers and his own hits at CRS’s annual songwriters event.

RELATED: Miranda Lambert Dishes on a Freaky Fan Encounter, Dog-Discipline Magic and Her Husband’s Favorite Song Request

Five fresh talents — Ingrid Andress, Morgan Evans, Riley Green, Runaway June and Mitchell Tenpenny  — were voted by broadcasters to be the 2020 class of CRS’s “New Faces,” and each was rewarded with short sets on the final night of the conference. Their stage performances proved they’re all just as riveting to the eyes as the ears, and each amply proved the power of the personal.

Andress drew a standing ovation for her top 15-and-climbing “More Hearts Than Mine,” inspired by real life. The loss of loved ones brought out the emotional depth in three artists: Evans’ “Things That We Drink To” was dedicated to his late manager, Rob Potts; Tenpenny performed “Walk Like Him,” inspired by his late father; and Green wrenched hearts with his career-defining “I Wish Grandpas Never Died.” And though Naomi Cooke, Jennifer Wayne and Hannah Mulholland of Runaway June didn’t write “We Were Rich,” they made that looking-back song their own with a stirring delivery.

from PEOPLE.com https://ift.tt/2T63nbD

[tyleroakley-obsessed]

Ed. Note: Tyke T is an independent Memphis hip hop artist who hit Billboard charts earlier this year with his sophomore EP The Prelude, which was released on his own label. He’s performing tonight (Friday, Nov. 24) at the Poetry v. Hip Hop show at Azul Tequila Bar. Get out and support local artists – advanced tickets are $10-$15 – but go up to $20 at the door tonight. Cat Evans talks with Tyke T about his motivations, music, and goals in this interview. I had the chance recently to sit down for coffee with local artist and independent music label owner Tyke T. I expected to see the man I’ve seen on stage multiple times, wearing a Tyke T branded hat and a t-shirt with the word “Driven” across the chest. Instead, he walked in wearing a buttoned-up cardigan that I’m pretty sure my Grandpa used to have hanging in his closet. Tyke T looked like a regular guy who’d just gotten off work. After cracking a few jokes about his Grandpa wear, we started talking about Tyke’s music and his label. I was quickly reminded that this artist is far from a regular guy. Here’s our Q&A. Cat: Who is Tyke T? Tyke T: As an artist, the first thing I want you to know is that Tyke T is driven. I started without any resources, no connections, no understanding of the music industry at all besides a dream. And the fact that I’ve gotten to this place today is absolutely amazing. Cat: Where are you today? Tyke T: I’m a label owner, a Billboard-charting artist, a first round Grammy ballot artist for Best Rap album, Best Rap/Sung performance, and Best New Artist. That’s a blessing. It’s absolutely crazy to me, because when I started back in 2011 when I first got to Memphis, not knowin’ anybody, nobody believed that I would be able to do music. Nobody. I don’t know why they didn’t believe it, they just didn’t. To be here at this very moment…it’s a blessing. Every day’s exciting, for real. Cat: What are your goals now? Tyke T: I want making music – and my label Driven By Music Entertainment – to be my primary source of income. I’m like everybody else: I got a 9 to 5 job, and the label is my hustle. It’s somethin’ I’m fightin’ for every day. I think musically, I wanna be respected as your top musician. I think I’m the best rapper in the world, that’s just how I feel, but I understand how subjective that is. The music – as important as it is – is not the number one thing in this music industry. My hustle, my grind, my drive is. It doesn’t matter how good I rap, it doesn’t matter how good I sing…if I’m not out here letting people know I do this. Cat: What made you want to become an artist? Tyke T: My brother. He’s my biggest inspiration. I remember growing up, he brought in so much music throughout the years. It’s funny how life foreshadows. I remember when he brought the Playa Fly CD 20 years ago. I felt like God was foreshadowing where I would be today, because I had to learn the blueprint of Memphis hip-hop back then in order to make it in the city now. You can’t be an artist in Memphis and not know “Nobody Needs Nobody.” Cat: Speaking of your base, how is your relationship with Memphis? How do you feel about Memphis, the music scene here, the artists? Tyke T: I love Memphis. I owe Memphis everything, ’cause Memphis gave me a chance. I was doing every open mic night or show I could do, and though every event, I was able to build relationships with the artists and promoters. I really love Memphis, and I think the music scene is amazing. The city is full of talent. We all know it. There’s talent everywhere. Seriously. There’s somebody singing right now that should be on tour with Chris Brown. There’s a hunger in this city I’ve never seen before in my life. I owe everything about my artistry to Memphis because Memphis gave me opportunities. For example, FedExForum, K97, 901Fest… they all gave me opportunities. So yea, I love Memphis. Cat: Who are your musical influences? Tyke T: *laughs* Everybody.  My mom put me on to the R&B side like Boyz II Men, Bobby Brown and Jodeci. My brother put me on to the Rap side with No Limit Soldiers, Hot Boyz, Pastor Troy, Ball & G and Gotti. When I grew up, I started listening to Outkast, Jay Z, 50 Cent, Drake, Kanye, Jeezy and Gucci. When I was young, I’d go to the skate center and what did they play? Backstreet Boys and N’Sync. My cousin put me on to BET, TRL, Donnell Jones and Beyonce. My Grandma played gospel music all the time, artists like Kirk Franklin. So all of these influences are in me. So when you hear it in my music, you hear all of it. It’s just who I am. I wish I could only give you one side of me, ’cause it’d be easier. You could just put me in a box. I have all of these [influences], and you’re going to hear them. I can’t hide it. I wish I could but I can’t. I don’t have the ability to. Cat: Tell me about Driven By Music Entertainment Tyke T: That’s my label. That’s my heart, it means everything to me. I’m gonna be my own publisher, pitching my own records to TV, movies, and video games. Is it going to take longer? Hell yea. Is it going to be harder? Hell yea. But it’ll be more beneficial than me giving a publishing company fifty percent. In addition to in-house publishing, I want to do in-house producing. Eventually, I want Driven to be a roster of everything, i.e., comedians, athletes, artists, not just for music. Music is one thing, but you can be driven by anything. Before we can diversify, we have to get the music side done right first. Driven By Music Ent. is a place where artists can grow. We want to give them all of the tools to be successful. We’re gonna make sure that they own their music, understand the music business, and be equipped with the tools and information so they can be sustainable on their own. Cat: What are 5 Things about Tyke T that people don’t know? Tyke T: 1. I’m a huge Mama’s boy. That’s my heart. She’s amazing. She’s everything. 2. You probably wouldn’t know that I know all the words to Genie in a Bottle. That record’s fire. 3. My favorite movie for awhile was Big Daddy. 4. I don’t like cheese. 5. I’m gonna get killed for this, but I don’t really care about College Dropout. Sorry. I just don’t. And after the interview, he sent me this: “You don’t have to be signed to a label to go to Billboard. You don’t have to be signed to a label to get your songs on TV. You don’t have to be signed to a label to be on the first round Grammy ballot. You don’t have to have a big base to push 30 songs in 30 days. You don’t have to have any of that. You just gotta have the DRIVE to wanna f***** do it.” There y’all have it, folks. Tyke T. aka the most “driven” person I’ve ever met.  Find him on Facebook, Instagram, Soundcloud, and his website. About The Author/Photographer Cat Evans was born in California, raised in Memphis, and now lives in midtown. She’s a photographer, writer, organizer for DreamFest Weekend, founder of CLE Events, and a Reiki Master. Find her work at Focus Magazine, I Love Memphis, her online portfolio, and Instagram. Are you a home owner in Memphis, with a broken garage door? Call ASAP garage door today at 901-461-0385 or checkout http://ift.tt/1B5z3Pc

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