#literally sometimes i forget how to swim too and what's a person to do when they forget in the middle of a pool?

[fuwaprince]

Thoughts on friendship, shared experiences, swimming/drowning and my apprehensiveness

When I was kid at the public pool, I enjoyed swimming in the deep ends. There were usually other kids around who couldn't swim as well. Sometimes I would be GRABBED out of nowhere and I'd feel like I'd just been assaulted!!! I'd instinctively want to throw/shake these grabby assholes off of me UNTIL assessing what was happening and realizing that most of these "assholes trying to drown me" were actually just kids like 9/10 times who literally just COULD NOT fucking swim and needed help getting to the edge of the pool. I remember they wouldn't ask bc they were usually already coughing up mouthfuls of water 😭 sometimes a stressed out mom would apologize to me afterwards and try to explain that their kid didn't know how to swim yet and I would just be like omg no I get it!!! it's okay, are they tho?

Sometimes the kid would apologize. Sometimes it was their friend or their sibling. Other times they'd just be too panicked and leave without a word and that was okay too. Even though I was left startled, that was fine compared to how startled I would be to see someone not moving at the bottom of the pool.

My bro couldn't swim well either and sometimes he did the same thing when he was first learning to swim. Didn't say excuse me before just reaching for whoever was closest to him for support to get to the outer edges of the pool. Only focused on shallow, safer ends and clinging to the nearby edge. People got pissed but many of them understood he wasn't trying to harm them. No one punched him in the face.

I've been both that desperate drowning person and the pissed off bystander that gets pulled into someone else's stressful situation.

Today I listened to a pair vent about having to drop a toxic friend for threatening suicide. I listened to them dismiss a crushing amount of real compounding shit someone else was unfortunate enough to be going through in favor of reducing their ex friend's desperate grasping for life as a needless, selfish tantrum and an exhausting, painful emotional burden on them. Idk but to me it just felt like they lacked major compassion and that they weren't willing to tolerate the pain and toxicity, which is fair and good for them. Emotional manipulation IS toxic... And going through shitty things isn't a free pass to be a pain in the ass to all your friends... but if someone/a friend is drowning before your eyes and reaches out to you, regardless of how they did it, wouldn't it make sense for you to try to protect them? How rational could it be to leave them to drown (sometimes it is)? What's the point of escalating the situation for them before leaving?

It's one thing if you aren't able to swim very well. I wouldn't suggest someone unable to support someone else try to if there's a high probability that'll end up with two drowning people. If you can't, you can't. Can't hold that against anybody! But wow imagine cutting off and recharacterizing a friend as a vengeful asshole for something they probably couldn't help either. People go through all kinds of things outside of their control and we only know what drowning looks like on the surface. Some people have these giant weights pulling them down and from the surface others could never be able to tell just how hard they're trying to keep their head above water. It might look like they're choosing not to swim harder ig.

I got the feeling that the friends felt like it was an attack on them too in ways. Like it was a threat not against their friend's life but against their own first and foremost. They basically responded to the possibility of their friend's voluntary death like "why would they do this to me? why would they threaten our whole friendship? why would they threaten MY peace plus everyone else's? that approach is toxic and i know they're manipulating me to try and stay alive. so selfish, we aren't friends anymore".

I hate the implications that it wouldn't be okay to ask the person closest to you for a lifeline. What are we taught in emergencies? You go to the nearest place you think is safe and ask for help, right? That's so common and normally taught early on. It's a survival instinct. Yet

Idk. If I dropped all the people who went to me during stressful times instead of a therapist I'd have like 0 friends. Friends are supposed to be safe spaces you can go to if available... Literally what are friends for? It isn't just laughs and somebody to have lunch with. It's weird to think you'd drop a whole ass friend for that. It's weird you'd go on to talk shit about them and use dumping them as toxic waste as something to be proud of bc being reached out to at all is supposed to be interpreted as a testament to trustworthiness.

It's weird the pair walked up to me in the middle of me crying to say all that then followed it up with "tons of people come to me for support so I'll do my best for you if you tell me what's wrong". Like I started off saying I was apprehensive to talk and they made themselves sound like the most unsafe people as if it would convince me they were so nice that people felt good enough to be vulnerable with them. holy shit. I feel bad for their ex friend for not having their vulnerability protected. I feel like I 100% can't trust those people so I'm glad I didn't open up. I'm not willing to talk to anybody and everybody about what's going on out of desperation anymore.

I'm doggy paddling by myself sometimes and it's better that way. It's hard but it's better than clinging to someone who will treat me badly. Call me leary? I feel bad for people who don't know how to swim. I've been that person before.

[wordbunch]

how you pamper them when they're stressed/overworked

a/n: requested by the sweet @almost-gabrielle, i hope you enjoy it, and everyone else too - it's going to be GIGANTIC! 😍 be nice, cause I included some characters I haven't written much before (exciting!!!) and if you reblog with a comment or a nice tag... i'll love you forever! 💖 that means a lot, and i'm very grateful for all of it 🥰

ARAGORN: he actually feels like that quite often, but he’s incredibly good at hiding it. Luckily, you’re an expert in reading him like an open book, but oftentimes you need to literally physically drag him away from whatever he is doing (and he might complain as you do so). Aragorn just enjoys sometimes being quiet with you, and it’s usually what he needs when his mind is racing, or his body is overexerted. Or both. You can just lie down together and run your fingers slowly through his hair, and that will help him forget his worries at least for a little while. Secretly he is an absolute sucker for sweet, romantic confessions of love and affection, and he will melt if you whisper sweet nothings in his ear.

LEGOLAS: something has to be extremely serious for him to feel that way, because his limits are very high; but in those moments he just wants to get away from everything as soon as possible and run to you, because with you the rest of the world just fades away. He enjoys an outing in nature, far away from real life, especially if the two of you find a nice lake or river to go for a swim in, and eventually act like a couple of children splashing and chasing each other. If that doesn’t help, he likes to sit in front of you and let you braid his hair as he talks about whatever is on his mind, and it also helps him physically relax to have you sitting behind and so close to him.

BOROMIR: this man will most likely push himself to his absolute limits, because he shoulders too much responsibility and feels pressured constantly to be on top of things. However, it’s easy to notice when he becomes a bit more irritable at one point, and then you know it’s time to talk him into taking at least a little break. That can be a slippery slope, because once he gets you alone for 5 minutes, it can very easily turn into 15 hours, and he would never finish anything. But on some days it’s just necessary - you sweet talk him into a cuddle session, during which he accidentally falls asleep with his head over your heart, or you make some tea with love as the special ingredient – and tell him that! He’s going to melt and finally, gratefully accept that his partner wants to look after him.

FARAMIR: much like his brother, he will probably suffer in silence, but you can’t miss his tired sighs every now and then, and the way he shuts his eyes and rubs his temples. If you hug him from behind, he will melt into your touch and lean onto you so much that you will almost topple over, but that will also make him admit to himself that he really needs a break. Run him a nice, hot bath complete with fragrant ingredients, and candles lit around it,  and he will be forever grateful. If you don’t join immediately, he will very sweetly ask you to come with him because 'oh the bath is so big and so lonely' without one more person in it. 

ÉOMER: this hardworking man is actually quite in touch with how he feels, both physically and emotionally, and he knows when things are becoming too much and he needs to step away for his own good. It is not unusual for him to go search for you and suggest that the two of you do something away from everyday life. Many times he doesn’t even suggest anything, he just follows behind you whatever you’re doing - taking a walk and admiring some trees in bloom? He’s right there holding your hand. Sitting on a balcony and reading? He will lay his head on your lap and ask you to read to him. And he is content just being present with you.

SAM: he gets both overworked and stressed quite often, poor thing. Make him something to eat and bring it outside while he’s working in the garden, and just have a spontaneous mini-picnic in the backyard. Although he’s very hardworking and persistent, over time he’s learned to accept your help and pampering, and he really really enjoys it too. If he is under mental stress, maybe you’ll need to push him a little bit to tell you what is on his mind, but once he does, he will gladly listen to your advice or any help you can give him. 

FRODO: baby boy is in his head a lot and oftentimes he will accidentally create things to worry about, and he will just zone out. if he has a faraway look in his eyes, while doing nothing in particular, you can accurately guess what is up. He likes to feel useful, and he will gratefully accept if you ask him to help you with whatever you’re doing - it gives him an excuse to be kind and helpful, but also spend time with his favorite person. Especially if you’re organizing/re-organizing something, he will enjoy doing it with you, or cooking - he might not be the best at it, but he delights in giving you a hand, and he likes to learn and improve new skills anyway. 

MERRY: he is actually much more of an overthinker than he seems to be on the outside, so stress sometimes just generates outta nowhere! Also he isn’t the biggest fan of physical labor out there, but he is a little bit of a show-off when it comes to you, and he will go above and beyond when helping you with something or doing something for you, until he can barely stand. Afterwards he will take pride in the fact that you had to force him to stop whatever he was doing, but he was simply being so very nice to his favorite person! Something he loves to do to unwind in those moments is just come up with random stories with you, the two of you taking turns making up characters and events. He is a little bit of a baby and he will just take your hand wordlessly and put it in his hair, because it feels nice when you run your fingers through it.

PIPPIN: he will either be stressing over very small, irrelevant things, or something absolutely terrible, no in-between. If it’s something small, he has no problem rambling about it to you, and that usually helps him sort things out; but if it’s something serious, he will grow quiet. The best thing you can do for him in those moments is distract him with a silly idea like “let’s go for a walk and find as many kinds of blue flowers as we can” or just straight up make him laugh - it’s the best medicine. He wouldn’t ask you directly to do it, but he’d love it if you could just hold him or cuddle him for a bit (he’s the little spoon of course).

BILBO: oh he will get worked up over a whole bunch of random things; and when he is working on something, he goes all in (and then has a random episode of doing absolutely nothing), so you need to be the one who grounds him in reality sometimes. Just don’t startle him when approaching him quietly. He is very responsive to your touch and he will just lean into you as soon as you’re near, almost forgetting about everything else. He adores it when you hold his face in your hands and he will look at you as if hypnotized while you comfortingly reassure him that everything will be alright and that he doesn’t have to do anything alone as long as you’re around.

FÍLI: he is very big on “strong protective independent dwarf” and sometimes he doesn’t fully allow himself to rest properly, or to process some things that are bothering him on the inside. However, at one point it will all have to culminate, and then his first instinct is to shut himself off. A guaranteed way to get through to him is to kiss him senselessly wherever you can reach and it makes him subconsciously relax almost immediately. He will kiss you back passionately which helps him eliminate some of the tension he’s feeling. Additionally, he will never ever say no to receiving a nice little massage from you. 

KÍLI: oh he is quite proud of himself if he ends up overworking himself for you, as if it gives him bonus partner points. You will gently scold him for pushing himself too far, and then he will pout, but you know he still doesn’t regret it. Then he himself will drag you away for a cuddle session - he chose that as his reward for being the very best partner in all of Middle-earth - but you don’t have to exclusively cuddle. He finds it very relaxing if you sing something quietly to him and he will look up at you with shining eyes.

✨ taglist my beloved ✨ @lotrnonsense​​​​​​ @starlady66​​​​​​ @queenmeriadoc​​ @entishramblings ​​​​​​ @thesolarangel ​​​​​​ @silversword7000 @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @averys-place

@valkyriepirate @emmaarenstarr @noldorinpainter @asianbutnotjapanese @adamgetawaydriver @fenharel-enaste @ironmandeficiency      @starryeyedrogue @dinofromspac3  @wisheduponastar @lady-of-imladris @frodo-cinnamonroll @unethicallypleistocene @deadlymistletoe @suncran @high-sea-husbands @asianbutnoteastasian @aidansloth @sweetpea-thoughts

[steddiealltheway]

Eddie stares up at his ceiling bored out of his mind. He’s not technically completely on bed rest from the bat injuries, but he’s not allowed to do anything too strenuous. It’s ridiculous though really. He’s basically all healed with his ugly scars that make up a good portion of his body, but whenever the kids see them, they tell him to lay back down.

It’s stupid really. This is not how he thought playing the hero would end. Well… honestly he hadn’t thought that far ahead before, but now…

He groans and sits up ignoring the way his side slightly aches, but he needs to call the one person who actually knows what’s he going through. He makes his way down the hall and to the phone where he dials a number he had memorized months before.

After the second ring there’s a voice that answers, “Harrington residence.”

Eddie sighs, “How do you overcome the never ending boredom of our condition? I can’t be laying in bed all day, man.”

There’s a laugh on the other line. “It’s good hearing from you. How are you doing?” Steve asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

It somehow pulls a smile on his face in the way only Steve can. “Not great, man. Better though now that I’m talking to you,” Eddie flirts shamelessly.

“Same here. But hey, I’ve actually been spending some time in my pool. The doctor told me that swimming isn’t too strenuous as long as I’m not doing laps back and forth like I used to. You should stop by sometime. Exercise usually gets my mind off things. Even floating around in the pool helps.”

Eddie let’s Steve’s voice wash over him and soothe all the aches in his body. Swimming or floating sounds nice, but being around Steve sounds even better. “I’ll stop by sometime then definitely.”

“Let me know if you need a ride or anything, alright? No shame in that.”

Eddie tried to hold back a sigh. He hates that people feel the need to take care of him after he’s handled himself all these years. “I’ll be fine, but thank you. When should I come by?”

“Literally whenever you want, man. I’d appreciate the company,” Steve replies sounding almost desperate for Eddie to stop by. It makes Eddie smile.

“I’ll see you some time soon then,” Eddie replies with a smile.

“Sounds great,” Steve says like he’s smiling equally as much as Eddie.

Eddie lets his heart yearn a little longer as he hears Steve breathing on the other line. He doesn’t want to say goodbye, he just wants to stay in this moment as long as he can. He hears a shuffle on the other line then the steady breathing again.

These are the moments that confuse Eddie the most. Whenever they call and they just linger on the line when they know the conversation should end just like the linger in each other’s space whenever they’re physically around each other. It makes Eddie’s heart race, but he tries to fight it. Steve isn’t into him like that. Sure, he stares at his lips a lot and lets him flirt with him and even sends him winks but… it’s not like that.

Steve deserves someone gorgeous. Some girl that isn’t covered in scars and missing their left damn nipple. Eddie sighs.

“You okay?” Steve asks. Eddie nearly jumps as he forgets Steve is still able to hear him on the other line.

“Yeah, man. Just…” Eddie trails off and runs a hand over his face before pulling the phone down and thudding his head back against the wall. “I think I love you,” Eddie mumbles, making sure the phone is far away and muffled against his stomach. He pulls it back up and continues. “I just have to go, but I’ll definitely take you up on your offer if it still stands.”

“Pool is always open for you, Eddie.”

The way he says his name sends chills down his spine. Fuck. “Thank you. I’ll talk to you soon I hope.”

“I hope so, too. Bye Eddie.”

“Bye Steve,” Eddie says and hangs up as soon as he can and gasps for air. Damn Harrington for making him so breathless.

He makes his way back to his room and digs through his drawers for his old swim trunks that he prays still fit. He finds them and pulls them on. He frowns.

They fit okay, but that’s not the problem. His scars are exposed in a way that make him want to cover up completely and never let Steve see this side of him. He feels… he sighs and looks away from his scars. He grabs the nearest shirt he can and tugs it over his head. He can just swim with it on. The scars of his ankles and legs are fairly small and less gruesome so he’ll be fine exposing them.

He turns to look in his mirror but stops. He knows if he sees himself, he won’t go to Steve’s. He knows the man won’t judge him but… looking won’t help convince him of that.

So, without taking another moment to consider, Eddie grabs his keys and wallet, slips on his shoes, and heads out of his trailer. It’s weird to be out in daylight with his scars partially on display, but he needs this.

The drive over is fairly quick. He bypasses the front door and just starts heading to the backyard. He hears the water splashing a bit before he’s greeted with the sight of Steve slightly wading around the shallow end.

“Hey,” Eddie calls out, startling Steve. “Sorry,” Eddie says with a smile, “When you said anytime, did that mean today?”

“Of course, of course,” Steve says making his way to the steps of the pool. He may have said something else but all Eddie hears is his own conscious chanting Speedo, Speedo, Speedo.

And it is a lovely sight. Christ.

Eddie’s eyes fight to try to stay up. It helps when Steve snatches a towel off a nearby chair and wraps it around his waist. “Sorry,” Steve says sounding unapologetic.

“Don’t be,” Eddie flirts.

Steve winks and flirts back, “Sadly today wasn’t a skinny dipping day.”

“Jesus H. Christ,” Eddie mutters under his breath. He hopes the water is cold.

“I’ll grab an extra towel for you, just give me a minute,” Steve says with a smile and heads inside.

Eddie takes a few deep breathes, removes his shoes, and sits by the edge of the pool, dipping his feet in. It’s warm.

The back door opens and Steve returns with a towel and two beers. Eddie makes grabby hands at the beer and Steve complies by opening one and giving it to him.

The cold liquid makes Eddie feel a little more alert as he stares at his feet in the water. He feels like his wet shirt against his body is going to be a harsh, uncomfortable reminder of swimming in the lake behind Reefer Rick’s place. He sighs and slowly starts removing his rings one by one before setting them by the poolside.

He slowly starts sliding forward into the pool but is stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. “Gonna take your shirt off first?”

Eddie scoots back and sits on the edge. He takes a big swig of his beer before shaking his head. Steve sits next to him and softly says, “I’m not pressuring you or anything, but it’ll feel nicer to not have wet clothes clinging against the scars.”

Eddie sighs and puts his head in his hands. “I don’t want you to see them,” Eddie says honestly.

“Why not?” Steve asks not offended or pushing it, just prompting him to continue.

Eddie sits up and looks at his feet in the pool again. “I’m scared of your reaction. Scared that you’ll find them hideous and find me hideous. I hate those damn gasps every time one of the kids sees my shirt lift or someone sees part of my face when I go out. But to see it all at once… is a whole new beast.”

Instead of responding, Steve slips into the pool in front of Eddie, the water coming up to his hips. He grabs Eddie’s hands and places them on his scars. “And what do you think when you see my scars?” Steve asks.

Eddie glances up at Steve’s eyes and hesitantly looks down. His heart skips a beat as he stares at them. He traces his fingertips lightly over them. “I think of the way you got them. The way you sacrificed yourself for us and risked everything for everyone else. The way you got blood on my vest but I didn’t care. You still somehow managed to defeat Vecna with those wounds still open. God, Steve. They’re absolutely gorgeous.” And he means it. Every word of it.

Steve’s hands come to the hem of Eddie’s shirt and slightly tug up. Eddie releases a deep breath and lifts his hands over his head, letting Steve pull the shirt off. When he’s free from it, he sees Steve staring down at his torso, eyes flicker over the scars before he slowly rests his fingers on them. The skin is sensitive and Steve’s fingers are cold and slightly wet, so Eddie shivers.

“You wanna know what I see?” Steve asks. Eddie’s tongue rests on the top of his lip as he nods. “I see the marks that show the way you sacrificed yourself to try to save Dustin. To distract the bats from the rest of us, which saved the us and helped us defeat Vecna. The marks that almost took you from us which destroyed everyone. The same ones that bond us, and are used as an excuse so I can reach out to you when I want to. They’re the marks that remind me of everything that you are. And they’re absolutely beautiful, Eddie. You don’t ever need to hide them around me,” he finishes his little speech settling between Eddie’s legs with his hand resting over the scars on his face.

Eddie feels a single tear slip down his face and wipes at it. “Thank you,” he breathes out and rests his forehead against Steve’s. He knows in this moment that he has to tell Steve. And with all the honesty that he’s already laid out he’s able to confess, “Steve, this might ruin things between us, but… I’m in love with your scars as much as I’m in love with you.”

Steve pulls away and searches Eddie’s eyes before huffing out a laugh, “Damnit, you beat me to it. Because I am absolutely in love with you - all of you.”

Eddie smiles so wide that he can feel the scars on his face tug up before he slips into the pool and seals his lips over Steve’s. His arms come up and trace the scars on Eddie’s side and Eddie mirrors him as he kisses and kisses and kisses him.

When they pull away to catch their breath, Steve says, “Let me show you how much I love all of your scars.” Then, he peppers kisses over each of Eddie’s scars, and Eddie thinks he might be in heaven.

[tiyoin]

You wanna know how dangerous twisted wonderland is? Ain’t no way a magicless person can survive. Ruggie can make 20 people fall off the stairs!!!! Riddle can color you but idk what that really does cus we don’t have magic, Leona can turn people into sand, Jamil can hypnotize you, vil can poison food, malleus could kill you.

LITERALLY!!!

it’s so incredibly EASY for a none magicless person to get injured and i mean SERIOUSLY injured.

not only is magic and potions real- but you have someone who can make an ACTUALLY binding contract, someone who can put a magic tracker on you and know your EVERY move, someone who can put you in a glass coffin that makes you pass out-

ruggie jamil leona and epel are the few characters i’d avoid if someone told me about them only by their unique spells

like i would be SHITTING MYSELF if you told me that if i looked into your eyes / left eye you could get me to tell my greatest fears and embarrassments. like suddenly, i can’t see no more 🧑🏻‍🦯🧑🏻‍🦯🧑🏻‍🦯

realizing riddle could collar anyone whenever he wanted and he just doesn’t is so mind bending. like yeah he did collar everyone, but he could collar WHOEVER, WHENEVER and the collared loses their magic while collared???? HELLO??

i’d be so scared and nervous about being the only one not able to do magic. like that guy could set me aflame and there’s nothing i could do.

kalim could be SUCK a menace but he’s too good for that is something the school never knew it needed. because kalim could DRENCH AND SERIOUSLY INJURED PEOPLE just by sending water down a hallway, and his unquie magic lets him let out a lot of fucking water.

remember when he made so much water that the leech twins were able to turn into their merforms and swim back to the dorm in a desert. a desert.

i’d also be shitting bricks thinking that someone could just lift me off the ground via broom. it’d be like a hawk circling a chihuahua or a yorkie. 😭

instead of clumps of fur left there’d be pens and an eraser… maybe a couple of other miscellaneous items like a cartoonish looking bubblegum😭😭

but also,,, think about how amazing their medicine is??? LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE HEALING A SERIOUS HAIRLINE FRACTURE WITH A TROPICAL FRUIT MEDLEY TASTING POTION??!?

or you see someone seriously injured and internally bleeding and instead of a serious procedure they just wrap him like a mummy and wave a wand. THE FAMILY ARENT EVEN THAT AFFECTED- THEYRE SLIGHTLY ANNOYED AT BEST.

“dad we told you not to climb the roof again”

“i survived last time and missed the gate this time. so it’ll be a day shorter for recovery!”

… WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?!?? HOW ARE YOU EVEN TALKING RIGHT NOW??!?

imagine trying to escape crewel’s class by complaining of a migraine and not even 5 minutes later he’s next to your cowering form, too scared to lift your head to properly meet his eye. you won’t have a choice though, as crewel’s hard stare forced you to look at the freshly brewed potion he’s offering you.

he ONLY does that if he hates you… or if you’re ace… or grim… sometimes even deuce

not saying everything is a easy fix via potions because there are still cases that need long, strenuous surgeries.

but because of the technology they have they can probably offer a lot more complex surgeries, but require doctors to be another fucking level.

(imagine how disgustingly rich you’d be as a magic doctor 🤤)

let’s not forget about our magical cat-buddy grim whose ears i’m 100% sure are made of fire. fire so hot it’s blue. he has a forked tail which looks pretty pointy if you ask me.

oh let’s not forget he has the impulse control of a 5 year old, the ego of a finance bro and the heart of a cat. he can also use magic. flame magic being his specialty.

you never know when he’s gonna burp up flames or get so excited his ear fire gets bigger and taller.

grim alone is a handful but now you gotta watch out for magical teenage boys?? brother..🥲

[rogerswifesblog]

Pretty boy

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Best friends always tease each other. You always liked teasing Steve…but what if some words affect Steve more, than he lets you see it? After a failed mission, Steve needs more than just your teasing...

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: sub!Steve Rogers x (female)dom!Reader

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, subspace [m] , needy!Steve, oral [messy blowjob], hint of mommy kink, crying, pet names like; pretty boy, good boy, Stevie, Madame, mistress

Because of the subspace it could be seen as dub-con but not really. I’ll just want to say it in case someone’s sees it that way.

If you feel uncomfortable with any of these above, this onshot may not be for you!

Have in mind English is not my first language! There could be some mistakes-let me know.

Don’t forget to like, reblog and comment <3

18+

Steve was your best friend. You talked about everything, always supported each other and were there for each other, even in the darkest of times. There were no secrets between you two.

Well, one.

You liked him. More than friends should like each other.

How could You not? He was really charming, kind, and there was no denying that he looked damn good. When You saw him swimming at the lake for the first time, You had Lost your ability to speak for a short moment. He was perfect. His sweet and innocent smiles, always made your heart jump.

Unbelievable this man wasn’t in a relationship. He was literally the perfect husband material. If you could, you would put a ring on his finger.

The truth was, he wasn’t comfortable with his submissive behaviour in bed. Most people looked at him and thought he would be a perfect dominant person-yet it was not like that. He liked it sometimes to just give up all the control. That’s why he didn’t want to date-or even one night stands weren’t on the table.

“-it’s incredible, isn’t it?” said Steve. Shit. “Mhmm, yes, yes?” You sounded rather questioning, which made Steve roll his eyes. “You aren’t listening, …again.“ It made you feel bad. “I’m sorry, Steve”, you apologised with a smile on your lips. He sighed, but smiled again and looked at me for a moment. You knew he couldn’t be mad at you for too long.

“Ah, come on, you’re my best friend and you could never be angry with me”, You began as You slowly climbed onto his lap. “You’re always kind to me. You’re such a Golden boy...a really good guy….a good boy”, You said teasingly not even really meaning it, but something in Steve’s eyes changed. His breathing stopped for a moment and he avoided your gaze. He blushed slightly. You could’ve swear you felt something in him twitch.

Immediately a smile spread across your face. Of course, You thought it annoyed him or made him a bit flustered. Steve really tried no to show how much these words turned him on. He wanted to be your good boy…he wanted it so bad. Not many people knew he had a weakness for being dominated by his partner. Being called a good boy made his dick twitch. A bit of precum leaked out of his tip. How could such a simple touch and a few words turn him on this much? He could already feel his mind slipping. 

“Mhmm, I think That’s what I’m going to call you from now on”, You said cheekily. Your hand roamed over his chest. Steve’s muscles tensed slightly under your touch. It wasn’t new for you to touch each other. Sometimes the others teased the two of you, that you both act like a couple. Just without the sex and kissing part.

If only you knew how much it affected him…

•••

Just like promised you started calling Steve a good boy, ever moment you hand the chance to do so – which often led him to flee from you. It’s like he was avoiding you.

Slowly You started to think about whether You should stop calling him that. After all, it shouldn’t ruin your friendship. Maybe it really made him uncomfortable and you haven’t thought about it at first?

You quickly pushed your thoughts aside when the jet landed and Steve, -as well as other team members-, got out of it. You yourself couldn’t take part in the mission today, and Steve’s facial expression immediately told you that something had gone wrong. He was covered with dirt and blood. You couldn’t tell if it was his own or someone else.

“Steve-hey-Steve”, You started calling right away, while you grabbed Steve’s arm. This brought him out of his trance and he looked at you with big eyes. Yet he stayed quiet. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.“ He said nothing, but nodded. So You led him to his room.

When You arrived in his room, You put down his shield and helped him out of his shoes. “Let’s go to the bathroom, yeah? You’ll take a shower and afterward we’ll talk…or watch a movie…whatever you’d like, okay?” Once again Steve nodded, but didn’t say anything. It worried you.

In the bathroom you let hot water fill the tub. In the meantime you put a towel on the bathtub edge. After you checked the temperatures the water, you wanted to leave the bathroom. “Stay...please”, You heard Steve speak softly as You walked to the door. Your lips twitched slightly. It kind of made you feel important, that he wanted you to help and stay with him. “Okay, Stevie...I’ll stay with you”, with those words, you turned back to him.

Only now did you realised in what state Steve seemed to be. Sometimes you two needed some…time-out, after coming back from a awful mission. Just some tenderness and comfort. That’s definitely something, Steve needed right now.

It broke your heart to watch him like that.

“Stevie, come here...Let me do this, okay?” You grabbed his hands gently in yours. But before You would help him undress, You needed for him to say something–something that made sure, he was okay with it. A quiet ’kay' came past his lips, while he noded. So you helped him take off his pants.

Actually it wasn’t the first time You helped him undress. It’s happened before. Besides, he had seen you in this state at least three times. He really didn’t have to be embarrassed or feel in any kind of way bad about it.

In a few minutes he had everything except the boxer shorts taken off. These, he took off after he was in the tub. You could see him relaxing a little. Not much, but at least something. While he enjoyed the warm water, You were able to check him out for injuries – You already saw his arms and stomach, but his back was still left. Fortunately, he had nothing but bruises. Calmed down, you were able to take a washcloth and wash him off with it, the dirt and blood, which apparently was not his.

You sat on the edge of the bathtub, which immediately made Steve put his arms around your legs and his head in your lap. This gesture made your heart jump. “Oh Stevie...you didn’t do anything wrong. You were great, okay? You’re always great...Sometimes bad stuff happens...“., you began to talk quietly as You wiped his neck with the warm cloth. You also carefully washed his hair as best You could, without getting any water or shampoo in his eyes. “I know you were great...” You leaned down to him lightly and whispered in his ear. “My Good Boy...my Stevie”

A whimper escaped him. You then gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead. When he slowly looked up at you, You had to bite your bottom lip. Steve looked so sweet. His big, blue eyes looked up at you. He looked adorable. The hair partly wet and completely ruffled. His pupils were dilated. Blown wide. There was more black than blue at this point. There was foam and bubbles everywhere. Automatically my lips twitched upwards. “Let’s get you clean, shall we? Then we can turn on a movie...and enjoy some quiet time, yeah?”, you said softly, stroking his head. Steve nodded and put his head back in your lap.

Twenty minutes later, Steve was already asleep. You’d like to let him sleep, but the water was getting cold and the position You were sitting in was becoming uncomfortable. “Stevie...hey, Stevie, wake up”, gently you shook his shoulder, causing him to wake up.

When he lifted his head, he looked at me sleepy. “Come on, you should lie down. Get some rest.“ You got up, what caused steve to do the same. You turned red and looked away. He was naked. We’ve never seen each other naked. You didn’t know how to react. Especially since he had a semi.

“Here-uh-towel-and then put some clothes on”, You muttered and threw a towel at him, then left the bathroom and pulled out of his closet a sweatpants and a shirt. You quickly put the things in the bathroom on the sink and went back to Steves room where You sat down on the sofa.

When Steve came in, You couldn’t help but look at him. He held the shirt in his hand, while the jogging pants hung low at his hip and made his V-line stood out. His muscles were incredible. You couldn’t stop you mind from imagining him over you. Between your legs. Apparently he noticed my look, as he smiled slightly. Maybe even a bit smugly.

Nevertheless, he turned to the closet and got another shirt. “It’s a little bigger”, he muttered and put it on. Even though it was ’bigger', it stretched on his shoulders and pecs. Sometimes You wondered if it was easy for him to buy clothes. His shoulders were wide, but his waist was narrow.

Steve pushed at your shoulder to show you, he wanted you to lie down on the couch, then he laid down on top of you and put his head down on your chest. One of his arms slipped under your back, the other one under your neck. Everything inside you felt incredibly hot right now. Your stomach seemed about to explode. “Hey baby...you should go to bed and not on the uncomfortable couch.” You whispered into his hair. To be honest, You didn’t want to let him go. You’d love to stop time and stay like this forever.

“Stevie Honey”, it was the first time You gave him so many pet names at once. Normally You wouldn’t do it, but it just felt good at that moment. “Baby…”, you tried to get his attention again – and You did. But not the way you wanted to. Suddenly, You felt a hardness against your leg, close to your own crotch. It made your walls tighten around nothing.

Your breathing became slightly uneven. “S-Stevie”, you gasped when you felt Steves hard dick press against your thigh. Slowly he raised his head and looked at you with this big eyes. “Steve, you should-“ Before you could say something more, Steve pressed his lips to yours. Just for a moment. The he looked at you questioning. “Y/N…please”, he whispered. It made you heart jump-and your pussy throb.

“Stevie”, you said one more time, he put his lips once again on your. His lips were gentle and soft. It felt nice. “Please...I need you”, he whispered almost desperately. It sounded like a whimper. You nodded slightly. “Do you want me to take care of you? Do you want me to make you feel good?” Nodding, he answered your question. Alone the idea of you taking care of him made his dick twitch. There was a wet spot on his sweatpants where his top was.

Without a second thought, You kissed him again. Steve immediately kissed you back. He pressed his hips against yours, his hardness pressed directly against your clothed heat. He could feel you pulsing agains him, which made him rub himself against your crotch. You both gasped.

The kisses became more passionate and more demanding with every minute. Everything was there, the wandering hands, tongues and teeth. You started kissing Steve’s neck, which made him moan loudly.

His hand moved slowly to your heat, where he stroked your sensitive spot through the fabric. “Stevie, you’re so good”, You breathed hardly audibly to his lips. “My Pretty boy." At fist you didn’t even thought anything, while you said it, but Steve’s quiet whimper made you clench around nothing, while he rubbed his clothed dick against your leg harder. Then it occurred to you; it turned him on when you called him that. “So good for me, Babyboy.”

With these words, you turned with him around. You gently pushed him into the sofa, kissing his neck again. His heartbeat speed up. One of his hand cupped your crotch, but you didn’t let him. Instead you grabbed his hand and placed it beside him. “This is about you, baby, not me, okay? Later, as a reward, you might touch me…maybe”...You breathed against his stomach as You pushed his shirt upwards. “Take it off” before You could even finish speaking, his shirt was already on the floor. Someone’s eager.

You looked at him with a slight grin. Never would you be expected Captain America to submit to someone in the bed like that. It made something in you snap. You wanted to see him desperate. Wanted him to beg. He looked at you and then down to his hardness, which was clearly visible through the jogging pants. “Oh, does my baby boy want me to take care of it?” he nodded quickly. “Please...please, Mistress.“ He mumbled while lifting his hips slightly.

You let your hands slide over his beautiful body. Over his pecks and rosy nipples. A low moan escaped Steve’s throat. He could feel how wet his pants were from all the pre-cum. Not being touched where he desperately needed it, made him whine. “Please, Mo-Mistress. Please touch me”, he whimpered. It made you smile cockily. “But I am touching you babyboy.” Once again Steve whined. You could see his dick twitch a couple of times.

“Please touch my cock.” How could you deny him that?

Gently but passionately, You kissed his abdominal muscles until You reached his abdomen. “You’re so beautiful Stevie...you look fantastic And everything just for me...”, you let your hands slide along his stomach until You slowly came closer to the waistband. Gently you pulled the waistband from his skin and let it bounce back against his abdomen. A whimper escaped him. “Everything for you....All for you, Ma’am.“ Steve’s voice sounded so desperate. You liked having so much control over him.

He slowly took off his sweatpants, but before You could free his dick, Steve grabbed your hands. “Please, take off your shirt...please...I want to see you, Mistress”, the super soldier whimpered beneath you. “How could I say no to my Prettyboy? Especially when he’s so polite” At his request, You took off your T-shirt. Immediately his eyes were on your bra clothed breasts. His hand went your waist to your breasts, which he gently caressed through the bh. Then his hand slipped further towards your back. “May I, Mistress?” he asked sweetly as he played with the clasp. “Of course, baby”, You breathed gently and let the bra slide slowly from your shoulders. It landed on the floor next to your other clothes.

“You are so beautiful, Mistress”, Steve’s words made your heart jump. You leaned over him and gave him a gentle kiss, before moving down again. You couldn’t wait to finally have his dick in your mouth. This time You were able fo took off his pants. His hardness jumped right to his abdomen, where it already started leaking precum again– and to be honest, You didn’t expect him to be THAT big. He was…

Was it the serum? Or was it just Steve? It didn’t matter. You wanted to feel him. Preferably as soon as possible.

You grabbed his dick in one hand-which made him moan pleasurably. Finally you were touching him. When you licked along his length, he grabbed your hair with one hand, but didn’t do anything else. You liked along his dick a few times, after which You gently took his tip into your mouth, licking the pre-cum from his slit and started suckling slightly. He tasted a bit salty, in a good way. You had to let your tongue lick his slit again.

Immediately Steve gasped. You repeated this several times until You let his dick slide out of your mouth. As your lips separated from his red tip, a saliva thread connected your lips with him. He was covered in your spit and pre-cum. You couldn’t help but take it back in your mouth-this time planning on keeping him there for a bit longer. If you could, you’d leave his dick in your mouth forever. Even though he was huge, you like the weight of him on your tongue. Actually you never enjoyed giving someone head like you did right now.

This time, You relaxed your throat and slowly let his length slide deeper, causing Steve to moan loudly. “Mistress-oh-P-please”, he cried out, while You let his entire length and width slid down your throat. Instinctively you swallowed around him, which made him whimper again. You repeated this then again, while bobbing your head up and down. This caused him to raise his hip and thrust into your throat. You gaged, but he thrusted right past through your gag reflex. This made your pussy get so wet, you could actually feel your juices float out.

Your nose tip hit his abdomen. With one hand, you grabbed a little harder into the flesh of his thigh, as a sign that he wasn’t allowed to move his hips. He lowered his hips again and muttered a soft “Sorry Mistress, didn’t mean to”

Satisfied with this, You lowered your head, till you had him fully in your throat . Then you let him slide out, till just the tip was between your lips. Again and again You took him as deep as you could, until his hardness began to twitch in your mouth. This made you suck him fiercer, while you grabbed his ball in your hand.

As soon as he felt you touch his balls he felt his muscles tighten. “I-I’m coming. Mo-”, he couldn’t finish the sentence before his orgasm overtook him. He shoot his load in your throat and mouth. You could feel his warm liquid coat your mouth. Steve gabbed your hair harder, while he cried out in pleasure. You moved your head until the twitching stopped. Slowly You raised your head and watched as your spit mixed with his seed on his shaft and tip. Your saliva and his cum dripped down your chin. It made Steve want to kiss you. To lick your lips and chin clean.

Surprised you looked at his still hard dick.

Thank God that serum had such an effect. You felt Steve’s hands on your neck. He pulled you up and kissed you passionately. Just like he wanted to, he liked his seed from your chin. His tongue explored your mouth, like he was trying to taste himself on your tongue-and he did.

His hand slipped to your pants, which he tried to take off impatiently. A chuckle escaped you. “Babyboy, first you have to open them”, you whispered against his lips. Only then did he look down to your jeans. His cheeks turned slightly red when he realized his mistake. He quickly opened them and let them slide off your hip. You helped him do it. Just like the other clothes they landet on the floor.

A gasp escaped both of you when he touched your damp panties. You haven’t noticed how wet you’ve really become. “Mistress, may I?” he asked, pulling lightly at the thin cloth. You knew what he was up to and had to admit that for the first time You didn’t even really care about your favorite panties. “Yes, babyboy”, you whispered.

When he tore the fabric from your body, You gasped because of the cool air that hit your pussy. “Please Mistress-please-I-I want you”, he sobbed. Only then did You notice the tears that were tormenting from his eyes. He tried to be as close to you as possible, pressed his arms tightly around you or kissed your shoulders. “Baby”, You whispered into his hair, after which You kissed him on the forehead. “You’re so good to me.“., You whispered. This made him look at you from his beautiful, hungry yet vulnerable eyes. He seemed so needy. You could see how much he wanted it.

“I got you, baby”, You whispered, kissing his face gently. Slowly, You slipped right over his hip, where his hardness pressed against you entrance. “Mmm Stevie”..., You grumbled happily against his lips.

As You slowly let his tip slid between your folgst, he sobbed quietly. “Please, Mistress”, he whispered desperately. You kissed him softly for a moment, but you both had to groan in the kiss when His tip pushed into you and you started to sink down on his dick. The width felt so good. He filled you completely. Without needing to try his dick hit your g-spot. You couldn’t stop a moan slip past your lips.

His hand was on you hip and gently squeezed your meat. The other one also grabbed your thigh, but quickly slipped to your middle to rub your clit. “Baby-you are so good to me”, You gasped against his ear, burying your hand in his hair. The other scratched over his shoulder and chest. You started to move your hips.

“Mistress-faster, please”, he moaned against your skin. He sucked at your skin and nipples, which made you moan even more.

Your hips started to move faster. You started bouncing on his lap, while he moved his hips slightly towards you. The sounds your body’s were making were obscure. The wet noise of your juices was just dirty. It made your movements even quicker.

“I-I’m close, Mistress-may I c-cum?” he sobbed at your chest. You felt your climax being close too, which is why You didn’t want to hold him back. “Come for me, babyboy.“ Immediately after you said this, You could feel him twitching and pulsating in your and filling you with his big load. His hand on your clit got faster, even though also a little shakier.

When You tried to lift yourself from him, he held you back tightly by the hip. “No-you have to come too...I want you to come-please, Mistress-use me as your toy-I want you”, he babbled and wouldn’t let go of you. He seemed exhausted and overstimulated. It’s like he’s completely foggy. “baby boy…only because you asked so nicely but if it’ll be too much tell me, baby.“ You moved again. Steve was still rubbing your clit. Then he also started to suck on your nipples. Without further warning, You felt your orgasm crash over you. Loudly you cried out in pleasure. Pulsating, Your walls started squeezing and milking his overstimulated dick. You could’ve sweared you felt him shoot another big load in you-especially judging by the whining and the tears that escaped him. He was definitely overstimulated. The serum made him probably even more sensitive.

Slowly you laid down on Steve’s chest. You could feel your juices and his cum gush out of you. It made you grimace a bit. Even though you really didn’t want to get up, you had to clean up. With this in mind you started to get up.

Tired, he opened his big blue puppy eyes. Tears still sparkled in these. His lower lip also trembled slightly. “Don’t go, Mistress...didn’t you like it? Was I not good?” he whispered and his eyes filled with new tears again. Oh, my God, he was really in a headspace.

“No baby-it was perfect. You were perfect. I’ve never felt so good. You were perfect...“, you kneeled besides the couch and caressed his cheek. „But now we have to go back, okay? Come back to me. I am no longer Mistress”, You began, still stroking his cheek gently. Slowly he nodded. “Come back quickly, Mistress.“ „No more Mistress, okay, Steve?” You said, and after You gave him a quick kiss, You disappeared into the bathroom.

First You cleaned up the cum between your legs, after that you put on a shirt from Steve and put two towels in warm water. You looked in the mirror for a moment. A small grin formed on your lips as You looked at yourself like this. You looked…well, completely fucked. Nevertheless, You slightly shook your head and went back to the room. There was no time to admire your…look.

Steve was still lying on the sofa, his eyes closed. It looked like he was sleeping. So you quietly approached him and started to clean him up. You knew he was a heavy sleeper, so You weren’t even surprised he didn’t wake up. In the few minutes You also managed to put on a cream on the scratches you’ve left behind, even if they would probably not be visible tomorrow-or even in just a few hours. “Steve? Steve-wake up”, surprisingly, he immediately opened his eyes and looked at you.

His cheeks turned red and he ran his hand over his face. “Oh my... I’m... I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to see me like this and all that-” “Are you crazy, Steve? Don’t be stupid, I…I really enjoyed it”, you interrupted him with a small grin and gave a fleeting kiss on his swollen lips. “It’s just-this mission today and your constant petnames -I...it rarely happens but...but it just happened”, he continued.

He gently stroked with his fingers over your hand. Without hesitation, You grabbed it and gave him a light squeeze. “You needed it today-that’s totally okay, Steve. Thank you for trusting me”, your words made his cheeks turn slightly rosy, while he pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.

“Let’s go to sleep...I’m pretty tired”, you breathed, slowly pulling him to his feet. He quickly put some boxer shorts and came to bed with you. You laid down, with him behind you, spooning you.

He gently put his arm around you and gave your a kiss on your neck. “Good night, Steve”, you whispered into the dark. “Good night, angel..."

Tomorrow you would talk about it all.

And you would ask him out.

That’s it! I really hope you enjoyed reading! Please let me know!:)

You can tell me if something is wrong or what i should change<3 I’d be glad actually.

Don’t forget to like and reblog!<3

[ch1-kasak0]

Oh hey look I'm done🔥🔥

Anyway uhm I don't have a lot uhhhhhh it's 4am nearly for me so I should probably sleep but I can't be assed what do I do🤕🙏

Whoo dee doo♪♬

✭Bendy

•his horns are bendable, even when he isn't actively liquifying, but not as much. For example when he’s normal you'll be able to at the very least bend the tips, but not much beyond that, same with the spiky things on the side of his face

•hay fever. (Fuck summer)

•gets colds easily (fuck winter)

•double jointed knees, freaky🔥

•secretly reads magazines, specifically like fashion and entertainment ones, he's embarrassed by it for some reason

•would probably be a Lana Del Rey listener, only like 3 songs though, maybe he'd like rock lobster, his sense of music is all over the place but loves swing the most

•thrives at dusk, loves sunsets, especially in remote/forested areas, GRGRGRGRGR!!!!!

•is slowly overtime starting to forget what the lake looks like, along with silly vision as a whole, he'll never forget the dancing lady though<3 (is that what it's called? HELP)

✭mugman

•doesn't really like sweets, I mean he likes them, just not as much as the maniac he calls a brother, prefers pies and pastries

•during cups 3 days when he first got the demon blood and died(?) mugs didn't sleep much if at all, he had to be sedated to get any sort of sleep because he was so worried

•Insomnia, exploding head syndrome, sleep paralysis, he's just as horrible at sleep as cup is.. 🤕 he also sleep walks..

•Would text like an elderly person or :), ><,(ʘᴗʘ✿), ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙. No in between

•allergic to red meat, little man got attacked by a tick when he was younger (I don't remember which one it was)

•was obsessed with Quadratus when he first met the thing, tried to swim in it but soon learned that was a bad idea (it was COLD❄❄)

✭Sheba

•Chappell Roan and lady Gaga, maybe a little bit of Evangelion or Kendrick Lamar, depends 🙏🔥

•prefers sweet popcorn over salty or sweet n salty, absolute psycho

•does NOT know how to cook, milkshakes she's amazing at, actually cooking is a bit of a struggle, it's edible but not the best🤕

•actually likes licorice fizz wizz

•had appendicitis at some point in her life

✭Marcus

•his favourite anime would be devilman crybaby and devilman ova, prove me otherwise

•when he first got his wings and the little face wings he ripped one of them off, literally out of his head, that shit was BLOODY, he thought it was funny. And he actually keeps it in a jar

•he occasionally fills that jar with watered down shampoo, then opens it and flicks some of it at king dice and pretends it's (.), dice loses his shit everytime, Marcus finds it fucking hilarious but also gets told off by the devil, it's worth it (I would too tbh)

•likes analog horror a lot, his favourite would probably be the painter(if that's right) and the Mandela catalogue

•has a really nice apartment, but like it's modern, VERY modern, you'd see it in 2024 and think it's from the same era

•prefers winter over any season, but prefers Halloween over any holiday

•also likes licorice fizz wizz, he likes all the flavours<333

•bi, maybe pan

•is WAY too sharp on corners, he'd wait until the last second to turn it's terrifying because he's always going over the speed limit, especially if the roads empty🤕 sometimes definitely been thrown out of a window before

✭Oswald

•his hair is about shoulder length (not fur, hair, there's a difference) and he isn't very good at taking care of it, just kinda put it up one day and doesn't take it down until his next shower

•during the time when Ortensias death was recent he would wear her Nightgowns to bed if he could fit in them, still does that sometimes

✭Finley (happy late birthday my little fennec<33)

•took WAY too long to learn how to tie laces, his parents tried to teach him, but it just never clicked for him until he was about a teen

•also has to deal with hay fever 🤕

•also hates winter because his ears get cold

•used to absolutely cherish anything anyone got him, even if it was cheap shit, he'd love it anyway

✭Charles Harris (“Lucky”)

•Prefers champagne over any other alcohol, maybe some gin and lemonade as well, yum

✭Other

•brownies aren't really popular for Grannys house, but Red and Cuphead like them a lot so really they're the only ones eating them other than granny herself

•Marcus and Metatron have met at least once. Even if only briefly.

[thecedarsights]

May I humbly request some NY hc’s?

**it’s fine if not dw**

idk if they'll be terribly interesting? but i'll try lol!

He has an affinity for all of the animals, plants, just nature related state symbols (e.g. beavers, eastern bluebird, nine-spotted ladybugs, sugar maples, etc. etc.), and probably loves learning about all of them.

He loves horses, and while he likes watching horse racing occasionally, he doesn't find the sport too terribly interesting. He probably talks about horse racing with someone like Kentucky though sometimes. He gets his mild interest in it from the horse racing in his own state (such as in places like the Saratoga Race Course as an example).

Is relatively decent at keeping plants alive, all things considered. The only person he really trusts to take care of them if he's not there is New Jersey. No one else gets to go near his plants. He likes to name them, too, sometimes.

Despite how much he makes fun of New Jersey's state nickname, he still trusts him the most when it comes to plants and gardening.

Not very original, but he has some pet pigeons.

He used to have a black cat named Void that would perch on his shoulder all the time.

Has snapped at multiple others to remind them New York state is not just the city. Sometimes though, he seems to forget this himself, much to his own dismay.

His answer on when 'upstate' starts seems to change semi-frequently, if someone asks for his personal opinions about it.

He gives Vermont Stewart's cards (gift cards you can only use in the store and those 'one free ____' ones) sometimes.

Adding on to that, he also sometimes will have a milkshake from them with him when he goes to the table. It got snatched once by Florida who then drank it and he still holds a grudge about it.

Occasionally swaps books with Washington, but will anxiously wait the entire time it is not in his possession.

There are times where he finds California extremely pathetic (can have different meanings, though. There are times where it's the 'soggy, sad kicked looking puppy' kind of pathetic or the 'you literally fucking suck, wtaf is wrong with you' kind of pathetic, among others).

Sometimes he'll make very spicy food and before he goes to eat it, walk up to others that don't like and/or can't tolerate spice and ask them to smell it, just to laugh at their reactions.

He likes playing sports. Ones he like are tennis, air hockey and volleyball, among (some very obvious) others.

He gets self conscious sometimes playing more active sports, or doing active things like running if he knows people are watching him.

He doesn't like swimming, be he does know how to.

He likes to go out into less populated parts of his state just so he can sit down and listen to nature.

He'll try to 'forage' in forests upstate sometimes, just so he find plants to take pictures and video of so he can show them to New Jersey to see if he likes them and ask what they are.

He used to skateboard because he knew it pissed other personifications off. He doesn't as much anymore, but he still has a decked out looking skateboard (it's black with things all over it. He decorated it himself and is very proud of it).

He knows multiple languages.

He finds the fact that it only snows for about a day or two in November and December in certain parts of his state now very depressing. He hates the fact sometimes it doesn't even snow until January. He doesn't like snow much, but he misses it when he doesn't see it as much as he used to.

His favorite drink is water. Cold, preferably.

He likes old/vintage stuff. He doesn't like calling them that though, because "It felt like this was the newest shit just last [speaks New York] week!".

[jgracie]

BACKK TO REQUEST A “to all the boys i’ve loved before” !! 🫶(THANK U FOR TAKING UR TIME TO READ THIS OMG IM SO SO SORRY ITS SO LONG.) i would like a male pjo character plss 😓

ok first of all SORRY IF THIS IS RLLY BAD idk how to properly put it into words how i am so im trying yall (even tho its a lot omg..)

so for looks, i LOVE to dye my hair so much its actually a problem (i fried off my hair two years ago because i dyed i went from red hair to PLATINUM BLONDE in two days😭😭 my mistake) BUT ANYWAY. i wear glasses, and I currently have black hair up to my shoulders but i dont wear them often because they dont unfortunately match my outfits and then also bc i forget😓. ALSO here is an idea of what i actually wear !! its always smth comfy bc i move around A LOT so always very comfy unless im like, going to a party (which i love going to sm) i’ll usually wear smth more showy and tight bc i js love to 😚😚 but the pics r what i usually wear on a daily basis

i’m a hufflepuff and my type of thingy is ENFP-T. i’m also a MAJOR pushover i literally need to fix that asap, and i LOVEEE to love maybe thats also a problem too but i can def be a smartass or like crazy sarcastic when i wanna but like only if the person can handle it bc im not trynna make ppl be upset bc i know im also crazy sensitive so i get it frfr😭 SPEAKING OFF SMTH ELSE THO i’m a MAJOR yapper (I’M SO SOSRRY THIS IS SO LONG ALSO?? WTF) and i have trouble speaking about how I AM but not about me in general bc i can yap abt my childhood forever😭 im also def NOT smart like STREET SMART?? YUPP but book smart? i’ll probably die if u asked me to write a whole essay on a book BC I ALSO JS CANNOT FOCUSS i literally cant at all. MY INTERESTS(not rlly i dont hsve a lot to work w here) i love playing guitar, snacking on stuff almost 24/7, cooking/baking, and to watch ppl do stuff but not in a creepy way trustt😭 its js interesting sometimes. I ALSO LOVEE TO SWIM THO AND SURF (havent done it in years but its ok). for my love languages its ALMOST all bc i only have trouble with receiving gifts cause its SO weird to me BUT I LOVEE TO GIVE GIFTS, PHYSICAL AFFECTION, ACTS OF SERVICE (i hate when ppl do it for me its so uncomfy sometimes depending on what it is ALSO i have straight up trauma from it so im like?? I RATHER NOT??😭 ((it sounds so weird ik lets not question it folks))) i also LOVEE quality time sm and def words of affirmation!! its only bc i have so much to give and do bc i have so much time on my hands but its soo weird depending on what it is when its with me (given). i can speak multiple languages!! my first language is spanish and english and a bit of french (i fcuking hate it) i’m also not a dog person!! i’m rlly scared of dogs, heights, the dark, small spaces, and the literal ocean😭 (i went to go see whales one time and got scared i was gonna fall off the boat and a shark would eat me, trauma yall😭). ALSO i get RLLLLYYYY irritated easy its my worst quality istg. i’m also crazy brave and loud when i get especially rlly comfy w people!! but i also love to tease and be just as chill but also impulsive?? idk how to explain it. ALSO i dont have a specific aesthetic bc it changed SOO CONSISTENTLY I HATE IT SM lile girl js stick w fav color. I ALSO FUCKING LOVE TO TRAVEL AND TAKE PHOTOSS i’m constantly on the road and taking pics its my fav thing ever!’ i’m a coffee person but it makes me lightheaded and make me feelblike what i’m sure steroids are like on people but i js cant drink tea, i like lemonade more if anything. OKOK I THINK THATS IT?? IMA STOP IT HERE FOR UR SAKE LMAO. IM SO SORRY THIS IS HELLA LONG I GOT OFF TRACK SO MANY TIMES..

TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE — JASON GRACE + OPPOSITES ATTRACT ˚⟡˖ ࣪

HELP this is incredibly long but its ok girl i loved reading every second of it anya lore fr 🙏🏼 anyway as i was reading i couldn't help but notice the differences between you and mr grace...

youre an extrovert, he's an introvert. you're a yapper, people consider themselves lucky if they get a sentence out of him, youre impulsive, his fatal flaw is literally the fact that he overthinks every option he has 😭

i think this causes a bit of tension between the two of you at first but at some point you have a little moment together and realise you can learn a lot from each other!!! you also realise you have some things in common such as your love for travel 😊

LOVES the way you're so effortlessly beautiful wearing the comfiest clothes.... also does not care how much skin you show because he can fight but also hes a good man and knows he has no right policing your style 🫡

you pull him out of his comfort zone with your parties and impulsiveness and he helps you get over your fear of dogs and heights <3

also will support you through every aesthetic change!!! he thinks they all suit you so well because ur perfect but will tell you which ones he liked more if you ask

[freezethunder]

Danganronpa ask thing! So many good questions on here. Let's see...

6, 17, & 39. Take your pick or do all three!

6. Do you have a fan character? Tell us about them!

I was going back and forth on if I which character I wanted to do, so I'll just do both of them this time.

First is Micho Auruka, the Ultimate Defense Attorney. Micho is a pretty chill and laid back gal that often gets mistooken for a hobo at times due to her ripped attire unbefitting of a supposed lawyer. Instead of suits and ties, she wears a hoodie and a beanie(that's ripped so her ahoge can fit through). Micho was forced to study professional law by her father, the Chief of Police, and took law and defending pretty well. But due to her being a young girl, she was underestimated by judges and prosecutors alike. So Micho decided that she wouldn't try as much if others wouldn't take her seriously, she was already the smartest person in the room, no need to showboat it, right? This led to her making a devastating mistake in her career, one she dreads thinking about each and every day. Micho is like a big sister to most of her classmates and friends; she's kind, helpful, optimistic, and holds a strong sense of belief in others.

Next is my fankid, Sayuri Hinata, the Ultimate Lucky Student. Initially Sayuri was the Ultimate Friend many years back, but I changed that relatively recently. Sayuri is Hajime and Chiaki's firstborn daughter, she's fun and cheerful and loves to help her friends whenever possible. So much so that she's unsure of what she wants to do with her own life a lot of the time. Sayuri also doesn't have an ahoge funnily enough and is often jealous when her friends have one but not her(she just can't make it stick), luckily her ponytail does all the emoting things too to make up for that.

17. List five headcanons for your favorite characters!

Oh man, we're gonna be here a while...

Hajime Hinata:

-Hajime used to like magic when he was a kid

-Hajime takes care of the neighborhood cat. He's tried taking it in but it always finds a way out, and yet still comes back to him for food.

-Hajime likes swords and imagines dual wielding them.

-Hajime sometimes feels insecure about his body at the beach and wears a T-Shirt or a tanktop when he's not going in the water.

-Daddy issues...and mommy issues...

Chiaki Nanami

-Chiaki plays so much that she forgets to eat and is therefore underweight

-Chiaki doesn't know how to swim and learned from Hajime and her classmates on a beach trip.

-She's cousins with Chihiro Fujisaki and that's why Chihiro and Alter Ego designed her that way.

-Chiaki can play some games in her sleep. Like those biking games at the arcades, her body just moves on it's own.

-Chiaki has her own let's play channel and twitch streaming account.

Miaya Gekkogahara

-I like to imagine that she's related to Monaca in some way. Probably her aunt

-She can talk, it's just that her voice is very low and soft.

-She sometimes talks like Usami, saying "Love Love" frequently

-Miaya likes to give gold stars to some of her children clients that do good in their respective sessions.

-She owns...so many bunny plushies

Kaede Akamatsu

-(This one is post-DR3)She got into an accident with Headmaster Naegi's car and literally begged to be punished because she felt so bad about it.

-When helping Shuichi out at crime scenes, she has a bubble blower that's supposed to be like a gag on cigarettes. She even uses Sherlock Holmes novels words and phrases in an effort to make herself sound smarter.

-She was the pianist for many of the other character's weddings. Makoto and Kyoko. Komaru and Touko. Fuyuhiko and Peko. Even her classmates'.

-And in one such occasion her car was towed while she was in the middle of a song.

-Kaede's favorite fruit is strawberries I imagine.

39. Which character do you feel deserves more love?

Miaya Gekkogahara. Look...I know she basically doesn't talk, and by all accounts in the DR3 anime we never get to see the real her, but c'mooooon! An Ultimate Therapist that helped made the NWP in the second game, and her design is cute as hell! We need more Miaya in our lives. Something, anything, I'm begging over here!

[struggling-to-find-home]

An incredibly fucked up part of my life, now that I think about it, is that I simultaneously had two childhoods and also didn't have a childhood at all.

Like, obviously I was a child, at some point, considering that is how time works. I was a child, who had a personality, and thoughts, and feelings, and memories.

Then, I was a teenager - and, as a teenager, I killed my personality, got my thoughts indoctrinated by my abusers, denied all of my feelings, and had a constant stream of poisonous memories fuck up all my decisions in the backround. I knew what it was like to live through a childhood, an actual one, lasting multiple years.

Then, everything broke, my psyche broke, and, after swimming in dissociative hell for a good six months, I woke up after what I jokingly call my "factory reset" - and I had to memories. Like. At all. Literally, a black wall lasting seventeen years of my life, and then, all of a sudden - I was there.

My first ever conscious thought, the one I remember, at least, was - "Holy shit, I can actually think". Not very exciting for a first thought, I guess, but it was very exciting for me at the time, considering that my dissociation was so bad I couldn't count to five most days without getting lost.

Do you understand just how fucking terrifying it is, to suddenly gain awareness and realise that you don't know how you are, what has your life been life, and how to interact with the world, with the only information actually being in your brain being memories of abuse which were too horrible to forget? Because I fucking do, I lived it. You read isekai for the plot, I read it because it's the one genre that can describe my experience. I literally was the "born sexy yesterday" trope - a mind with no knowledge of how life works, who was, let's be real, at the emotional regulation level of a toddler, stuck in an body of an adult.

I had to teach myself everything - how to talk to people, how to focus for more than three seconds at a time, how to extract my memories, one by one, and slowly piece together who inhabited this body, my body, for all of my life. I was literally learning how to person from scratch, and in the beginning, you can bet your ass I didn't feel any close to, well, an actual adult, like I was supposed to be. I had to stumble over every mistake, and learn every lesson you learn as you grow older.

Fucking hell, for one and a half years, I lived in a world where I physically couldn't comprehend that someone wouldn't like me. When I say I had to learn everything, I mean it.

Sometimes, it gets to me - the fact that I am technically inhabiting the body of a corpse. She - the child, the teenager, the one who actually lived through hell - is dead. I am somebody else. I will never be her. All I can do is live - like this, in this bizzare existence - and try not to wince every time someone mentions their childhood.

I don't remember what it's like to be a kid - to be able to grow, make mistakes, and not be judged for being in the process of figuring things out. In all honesty, I'm not sure whether I was allowed to be a kid - I got some memories back, but none of them give me that kind of info. I don't remember what it's like to be a teenager.

I remember what it's like to try to live a normal life when your first memory was yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. I remember what it's like - to have that innocence, that naivety, that additude of not having any shame or self-consciousness that you usually only see in children, going through the world without looking at any obstacles because your enthusiasm hasn't ever been crushed yet.

For a child, every obstacle they encounter can be the biggest one in their life yet - even if it's something as simple as learning to tie your shoes. Fortunately for me, the first obstacle I encountered as myself was a horrible, terrifying monster - my mother - raging at me and disowning me in a week-long fight over me not wanting to take a math test. Everything else seemed like a small problem after that. Well, until my brother pulled a gun on me, but that's besides the point.

So now, when people say "Childhood" - I think about my first days as myself, the amnesiac teenager. Being young, moldable, soaking every piece of information up with no filter because I didn't know better. But then I think to myself.

Oh. Right.

I was a child, but it wasn't a childhood.

I was a child, but that childhood is lost forever.

And then, internally, I weep.

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Eleven

All the previous parts can be found here.

Previously

EP goes to Oregon and learns about Permaculture

EP is extremely closeted

EP gets shingles while making Inception

that's it

Now

Chapter Fifteen

EP dates a woman who is very closeted

they have a wonderful, very closeted relationship

eventually they realize it's not going to work out

later EP sees her at a party with a man

the chapter ends with the line Someone will break your heart but you will break one too.

Chapter Sixteen

we jump back to EP's childhood; she asks to be allowed to play soccer with the coed league one extra year, which is granted

"not precisely meaning it" but telling the truth all the same

EP talks abut moving into puberty and hating periods, needing a bra, etc., which I'm sure literally only affected her and has nothing to do with how almost every other teenage girl on the planet feels

two things here: 1) "other boys" sure EP; 2) "euphoria" - using "euphoria" to describe oneself or one's gender did not start when EP was a kid and even so, kids don't think that way about themselves, as "euphoric"... that's a very adult, usually trans, way of looking at things and it's pretentious. Ask me when I've ever felt "euphoric" about my body and I'll probably say playing roller derby or swimming, or maybe running pushing my sister in a 5K, and even then "euphoric" seems far too grand and, again, pretentious, for what I felt. I felt confident, I felt powerful, I felt happy, and those were the words I'd use.

a third thing, I guess - it's distressing to learn that one's body no longer fits clothes one enjoyed, but life sometimes is like that, and one learns that boys and girls can wear shorts, pants, T-shirts, etc. This period of time didn't mean needing to give up wearing certain clothes or to start wearing other clothes. It just meant EP would have to purchase them from the dreaded "girls" section

EP talks about going to a friend's house and being permitted to wear swim trunks as a kid, which she describes in a tone nearly orgasmic

... y'know girls and women can wear swim trunks too, EP? I swim in them.

this regressive "gender is clothes" gets me every time I read this and for some reason I always forget how dumb it is

EP meets a gay man:

you recognized yourself in a gay man? the kind of gay man who's on TV, so a collection of stereotypes? EP, even now you don't act like that, so what were you recognizing in this man?

(also, does this man know you wrote about him this way? I'd hate to find myself written about in this manner by someone I barely knew - "She was the kind of lesbian they showed on TV sometimes. The way she dressed comfortably, the way she didn't shave her legs, the way she talked about flea markets, the way she listened to Julien Baker, the way she moved... a lesbian person, you know, like a normal human woman." Jesus Christ. I'd want the book burned.)

EP goes to a water park with a friend:

EP I swear to all that is good and holy I need you to stop referring to other people as "queers" without their permission. Don't ask me how I know, but I know this person would not want to be referred to as "a queer" in your book. Why the fuck would you do this? And you weren't "a queer" at age nine, you were a girl with short hair.

And yes, once again, women can wear swim trunks and in certain places go around with their chests out. I wear swim trunks and rash guards to swim. Once again, gender is just clothes.

EP goes into how euphoric she is to not have to wear a shirt and how she can wear swim trunks and swim and feel the sun on her body or whatever.

be careful with your scars, sunburns will fuck them up

I will admit here that this part, while so weirdly enraging and confusing like the rest of the book, made me feel unhappy and jealous for a couple of reasons. First is that my own BDD and dysphoria have made it hard to want to look at my own body or feel neutral, let alone euphoric, about it. When I'm swimming I don't care, because my body's in the water and it's doing things, but in general I hate everything around it - getting dressed in the Y locker room, peeling off my heavy, stuck swim clothes afterwards, etc. I am deeply jealous of someone who feels so comfortable in their own skin that way.

Second I'm unhappy because I wonder how things would have turned out if I'd been born just a few years later. I'm too old for a school-age diagnosis of autism, too old for knowing what "lesbian" meant in elementary school, too old for discussions about gender amongst my friends. I don't like to think that I would have been pushed in the direction of "trans'ing my gender" if I was among the youths now, but I don't know who I'd be, either.

I am glad that no matter how much I hate my own body from time to time, I know that no matter how much I change it, I'll still always be me. I'll still always be female. My body is more than the nebulous, unnecessary concept of "gender" - it allows me to do the things I want, to love the people I care about, to show up for work - my body is me. I have time to learn how to love my body for what it is.

This book makes me fucking maudlin.

[brandnewhuman]

ELIJAH KAMSKI HCS

Starring:

Our fav funky gen Z hermit

CONTENT

Tw: mentions of drugs and mature language

A/N: RANDOM HEADCANONS OF MY FAV BOI LET'S GO. I will probably do more cause at this point Im literally writing more for me than for anyone else. BUT HE'S SO WBHDJDNWJW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I'm over being just normal about him. Shout-out to @bloodlst I TOLD YOU THE RANDOM HCS WERE COMING

@the-anxious-youth tagging you too just in case

\\\

You all are gonna appreciate this man whether you like or not

I'll start by saying that he's always very aware of how people perceive him

He knows everyone thinks of him either as a creep or some sort of narcissistic weirdo

And, while it still hurts him a little bit, he has given up in trying to get liked or appreciated

He knows that whatever he does people will always see him as something he's not

He has used that in his favour, he manipulates this version of himself that people see to achieve what he wants and what he needs

The only people who knows the real him are the Chloe's and Connor at some point

He loves to use terms of endearment with the people he loves

The Chloe's are always his stars, or his lovelies or darlings

Connor would always be called love, dear or beloved

He really likes valentine's day, bro is really romantic really nice

Plus he's fucking rich so he just like to flex how much he's able to spoil his loved ones

I genuinely think he's asexual. Or at least demisexual

AND PANROMANTIC we can't forget that

why? Cause I said so

Talking about relationships he has never been in one

Or rather he has been but they were mostly one-sided cause the person who was with him just wanted something from him didn't really loved him

For a person so apparently cold and distant he has a rather hopeless romantic vibe going on

He definitely wishes for that bookish type of love but it's something he keeps for himself

It just makes him feel too vulnerable to say he does want to be loved that much

He definitely had a Tumblr blog and was pretty popular but never said who he really was

He was really just vibing, taking cute pics and shit

He doesn't really talks about it and it's definitely a touchy subject but the things he experienced as a teenager CEO had really fucked him up

He has managed to be best friend with nines and it's aggravating Gavin to no end

Unpopular opinion but I feel like he would not like Elon musk

I know everyone of you fucking bastards are gonna say it's not true but it is and you'll have to accept it

He never cared about the profits from selling androids, he cared about what they could do to improve

What more they could do and how much they could evolve ecc that's why he was booted out of cyberlife

As I said before he used to struggle with addiction with has led him to be quite paranoid about taking anything even if he really needs it

Something..something about him screams anaemic

My vampire powers are telling me that

During COVID he abused the shit out of netflix

Like he literally watched the most obscure and absurd shit he could find

He deliberately leaves both contact lenses and glasses at home when he has to do an interview or a reunion cause he's that petty

AND BTW THAT INVASION OF CONNOR'S PERSONAL SPACE? I BET HE COULDN'T SEE FUCKING NOTHING AND THAT'S WHY HE WAS ALL UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

He prefers to sleep on his couch rather than in his bed

His bedroom makes him feel alone somehow and he hates feeling like that

He has a tongue piercing

He finds it very hard to cry and sometimes that makes him feel even worse when he has bad days cause he feels like he can't let it out

Every time he spends money he does it because of the Chloe's

The pool? The Chloe's wanted to swim. The art pieces besides Carl Manfred's ones? The Chloe's liked them

He literally doesn't care, as long as they're happy then he's happy

His dreams are always either really fucking weird or really fucking bad there's no in between

He's scared of hospitals and of psychiatrists because he doesn't trust them and has an irrational fear of getting sent to a mental hospital

His wardrobe consist of like two or three elegant suits and the rest is band or graphic T-Shirt, hoodies and sweatshirt

He really doesn't likes to have to dress too formal

Carl was his only human friend and the og Chloe is the only friend he had left

Before them there was Gavin but they grew apart

Now obviously he has nines and Connor and even Gavin is coming around him again but for the longest time he didn't had anyone else besides Chloe

He's very hard to upset or offend cause half of the stuff one could say he has either already heard it or it's something that he thinks of himself already

It's always cold, like FR this man temperature is not fucking normal

As soon as he was able to leave his family behind he tried all the things he wasn't allowed to do

Which led to him learning how to play music again

He enjoys playing piano but prefers the ukulele because of practical reasons since it's more easy to carry around

He enjoys animating stuff too

He's weirdly good with kids, like those little gremlins adore him and no one can figure out why

He enjoys cleaning, in fact he does most cleaning around the house

He lets the Chloe's try makeup on him and, if they ask him to, he does their makeup too

Lives his life with a constant migraine but he's used to it

Those days where it gets really bad he just locks himself in his study with all lights off and without anything making any sound cause he refuses to take any medicine

He really likes hugs but never ask for them

He always smells either of something minty and fresh or of rose water

[looosey]

Lessons from my first relationship: Setting Boundaries

Saur, when I was a wee child, I was on the competitive swim team in elementary school. I was not very good, in fact my sister was a gifted swimmer so I even knew that I wasn't too good. But the structure was pretty simple: you would show up, change, hop in the pool, and swim your required laps of whatever stroke. So I would swim, and sometimes it would be so physically taxing, so painful for my legs and arms, that in the middle of the laps I would cry. And hot tears would fill my goggles making it hard to see, but I would push through because I simply hadn't finished my required laps. I felt angry and sad directed both at anywhere: the nonchalant coach, the difficult water, my weak self, and at nowhere: nobody really was forcing me to do anything. And then I would finish the laps, practice would end, and I would just go about my day. I never complained to anybody. I didn't really see a problem. And I would show up to practice again later that week.

I thought about this on my walk to campus this afternoon, because I realized! That I am still the same Lucy, fifteen years later. No one is asking me to swim these damn laps but I just do, swimming in my own self pity for no-one else to see but me.

What I mean is! This relationship I'm in? Sometimes, I find it so difficult but I swallow it all up for months on end. For the viewer, she seems fine, swimming in her lane rather averagely if anything. But of course, she is fighting demons and you would know if it weren't for her goggles. The problem is however, that in a relationship, at least the partner should know, right? And here I have been, just swimming.

An hour ago, I learned a chinese word from my friend while walking home from dance today, in regards to the MIT workload. kè kǔ means hardworking, but the chinese characters literally mean to hold bitterness. She said although she was perhaps ignoring some boundaries that needed to be there, she generally valued the ability to push through difficult times. It's close to midnight but my friend has a whole lot of work to do before her midterm tomorrow morning.

kè kǔ

She has it. I know that I have it, and I do it. But I also know that the bitterness is eating me up from the inside. And that a relationship shouldn't feel like an unswimmable amount of laps.

When I let a little bit of the bitterness out, for the purposes of "healthy communication", it feels like black tar oozing out of my heart in controlled amounts, dirtying up the place just enough to let him know that something is wrong but not all that I hold within me: that would kill us. But tar is dirty, and I can't guarantee his response to it all, and I usually just feel just as hurt as before if not more.

I know vulnerability is good, but I felt vulnerable and just vulnerable, and I didn't feel any better afterwards. Just vulnerable.

Saur, what is the lesson here? Well, I want to acknowledge that I have been suffering in this relationship. With some ups and downs but pretty much for a couple months now. Obviously it wasn't always this way, and I had tried my best to not suffer, by communicating my needs pretty early, but they were obviously not met and I compromised for months just in order to get on with my life and because I still like this guy.

LOL I used to just repeat "forgive and forget" like a mantra, but I just forgot the specifics of what had made me really really sad... and otherwise stayed pretty sad LOL.

I also want to stop swimming in self pity. I want to be a student of getting myself out of this situation. Of becoming a person with boundaries! What is not-okay behavior? How can I recognize it and call it out immediately, and before I feel megahurt by it happening? What is an inappropriate amount of burden for me to be carrying in a relationship? And how do I make sure that I never carry this much again?

I want to stop letting bitterness build up within me. This causes cancer. And it's not a good thing to hate your partner so much.

So in general, some how I wish to look back on this part of my relationship, and realize gee I learned a lot about myself so I'm glad it happened. I'm also glad I made my way out of it, and that I learned how to be a confident but caring and nurturing person that knows what to do when your partner cannot be fixed or if the communication needs work and time.

Lupe always says that sometimes the skill is in finishing the task at hand. I tried to continue this relationship with pure grit for the last few months, but now I need to run on some wisdom.

[iworshipsappho]

ok so..

what is the irl thing most fascinating to you? something that you totally hyperfixate on?

do you listen to podcasts/ audiobooks? any favorites? :D

is there someplace in TN that you feel is a must visit?

what kind of house would you like to live in? boathouse? skoolie? cottagecore? in the mountains? beaches? (u can throw practicality out the window :))

a fictional character with the best character design (read: with the most gender✨) in your opinion?

aaah hullooo 💜 these are all so interesting! i literally just woke up asgshdjfgdj so this might not be coherent but let's go

looking out my window, the first thing i can think about is CROWS. they're literally so damn cool. so there is this tree right outside my window and like three generations of crows have lived there. not sure if they were all the same family but i have seen 3 families of crows grow up and leave their nests. and i feel so fucking lucky to have been able to witness that. another fascinating thing about crows is how they react to something they can't see cawing. like living in the city literally surrounded by crows all the time, i like to think that I've got a good imitation of the crows' caw and it's literally just so hilarious to watch them look so perplexed when they try to figure out who is cawing. i feel kinda cruel when i do it but then again i just wanna study crows man they are literally so advanced and cool

not really. I've tried listening to podcasts but never got across to making it a habit. (weird coincidence, i just had a dream where one of my teachers was talking about podcasts 😭) and i don't think audiobooks are my thing bc sometimes i give characters my own voice and i just enjoy a good sit down session and read and forget about the world (would totally love some podcast recs if i wanna drop ur favourites!)

so in TN i have visited madurai, Trichy, tirunelveli, ooty, Kumbakonam, kancheepuram etc etc. the one place i haven't gone to that i REALLY wanna visit in kanyakumari. i wanna see the thiruvalluvar statue and just have the feeling of last location before the sea. but the one place i think everyone must visit is probably rameshwaram and dhanushkodi. i visited rameshwaram during my winter holidays i think, I'm like pretty sure my family did a mini roadtrip and visited madurai and nelveli at the same time. so dhanushkodi- absolutely loved going there. the view was impeccable and the beaches were so cool. and the history behind it!! oudhdfhsjfj. it is literally an abandoned town. and the ride across the pamban bridge was so cool the views and the vibes were just ✨

when we were younger, my brother, sister (technically cousin but i literally grew up with her and my other cousins so who gives a fuck) and i planned to like live in this huge ass mansion. just the three of us, and we even wrote floor plans. i had an indoor swimming pool and an indoor garden in the topmost floor. and then lounges and guest rooms in the next bc we were gonna be rich and famous. living room and dining and kitchen in the 1st floor, the living room was huge and had like a walkthru path and all. the were grand stair in the front of the house which wud lead to the first floor. and then the personal bedrooms were in the ground floor extra ones in case one of us wanted to get married asgdjfkgh. now coming to the outisde, one big parking lot for our cars and the guests' cars, then another smaller one for the two wheelers. and here's my most favorite one- A FACY ASS FOUNTAIN SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DRIVEWAY . why were we dreaming to be such rich bitches I'll never know 😭😭

but like actually thinking about it, I'd like to live in a cottagecore house or beach house. they both seem like cool places to live and get inspiration for writing. when i say beach house i mean those Greek/ Italian ones which look literally so slay. so yeah probably those. the mountains seem cool too but growing up in this heat, my body ain't built for those temperatures ashdhfjgk

the most gender character design is probably alex fierro even tho i haven't read those books yet, I've definitely seen their character designs and yes please. c!quackity (dsmp) fanart and character designs are also really gender and insanely cool. and then if i think about it we have airk (willow 2022) oooh and theb one of my ocs, Ash- they're a trans man with a sick ass haircut and cool piercings!

:]]

[crusherthedoctor]

Hi, it's been a while.

Do you have cute fact(s) about Trudy you like to share ?

I really like your character and the design.

I hope you have a good day buddy ^^

Some of these have been mentioned before, while others have not.

One of her hobbies is astrology. You can always count on her to bring out her telescope during the most starry of nights, and get lost in wonder.

Her laugh as a neigh-like aspect to it, which she gets all shy and embarrassed about. On the other hand, when she's annoyed, she'll sometimes let out a horsie snort.

After gaining more experience with adventuring and confronting bad guys (well, bad robots), she starts becoming prone to letting out Bond-esque puns after dealing with them, as a way to calm her nerves after the tense encounter.

The long, hard process of giving the old castle that would become her home a second life was how she learned the skills to make her whip and other non-technological equipment. It also contributed to the growth of her deceptive strength.

Trudy is sometimes mistaken for being older than she actually is, thanks to her voice and demeanour.

Although she's not literally stoic, her mellow temperament can lead to amusing reactions. Whereas other characters would huff or fly into a rage should someone or something irritate them, Trudy tends to simply comment on the offending annoyance with only the mildest change in her tone.

Eggman likes to make fun of her by putting on the shittiest and most stereotypical British accent he can muster. Made doubly hilarious by the fact that Trudy's accent is actually fairly mild.

As a kid, her hair grew out early on, so during the colder seasons, she would often use it as a makeshift scarf. This led to her growing a fondness for them, hence why she wears a bandana in the present… among other reasons for it, like covering her face in the presence of suspicious individuals or unpleasant aromas.

She learned about her EDS early on in her life, and needed some time to come to terms with it. Reading about Sonic, and all his amazing adventures, helped her during this period.

Due to her extensive knowledge of Sonic's adventures, that means she was already aware of his quirks prior to meeting him in person (same goes for his other friends), and she tries to keep them in mind come Stellar. For example, she knows he doesn't like being touched too much, so she tries her best to give him his space, and gets sheepish when she briefly forgets during an intimate moment. Even though Sonic never voiced an objection…

Despite already knowing of his heroics, she enjoys hearing Sonic himself talk about them, because she thinks it's adorable when he gets really into it.

She's a very good swimmer, and has durable swimming stamina despite her stamina being limited in other areas.

She's an extremely dorky dancer. As dorky as you could ever imagine. Complete with little leg kicks.

All of her senses are very optimized, particularly her hearing and sense of smell… which can sometimes be to her own detriment, depending on the situation.

On a related note, she does not like chili dogs at all, and can get mildly nauseous when she's so much as near them. Despite this, she doesn't have an issue with Sonic's love for them, while on Sonic's end, after learning this fact, he makes sure to keep them away from her whenever he's eating them out of respect.

Though she's able to keep calm on the surface, Metal Sonic always gives her a feeling of overwhelming dread. Not just because Metal himself is quite deadly and notorious, but also because from Trudy's point of view, he's a shining representation of what Eggman is at his core, despite being made in the likeness of his arch-nemesis.

She seems to have trouble accepting praise. She doesn't outright dismiss it - she's certainly appreciative - but she tends to politely downplay it and mention that her friend(s) are the ones who really deserve it.

Even beyond her usual attire, her outfits always include longer gloves and high boots because she has a taste for them and feels secure when wearing them… as long as the latter don't have heels, since they hurt her hooves. (The former also has the added bonus of covering up the EDS-related scars on her arms.)

She refuses to judge anyone for their appearance alone, as she believes it's the person's character that matters most of all. This extends even to Eggman; Trudy makes it firmly clear that she does not hold the doctor in contempt because of his obesity (in fact, she openly acknowledges that he is indeed a genius), but rather because of his selfishness and maliciousness.

Sometimes when she's on her side, she'll be in a pose like this, but with her hands crossing together all gracefully.

[sonnetthebard]

I Forgot Tumblr Existed Edition

I posted 67 times in 2022

48 posts created (72%)

19 posts reblogged (28%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@starkidweirdo

@m-eowdy

@enby-chaos-fox

@carvour

@swimming-in-a-champagne-sea

I tagged 39 of my posts in 2022

Only 42% of my posts had no tags

#starkid - 30 posts

#hatchetfield - 27 posts

#hatchetverse - 17 posts

#nightmare time - 8 posts

#nightmare time 2 - 8 posts

#tgwdlm - 7 posts

#peter spankoffski - 7 posts

#zoey chambers - 7 posts

#incorrect quotes - 6 posts

#linda monroe - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 38 characters

#coven comunications research and power

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Gary sometimes wears skirts or dresses with heels to work, because why the fuck not

I feel like if I add anything to this it somehow lessens it so yeah. This.

15 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

#4

hc: Paul Matthews absolutely has a full-ass essay analyzing Goncharov

No but you’re so right-

Because people forget he was almost a film critic

And while that isn’t the case anymore, I can still see him loving movies.

But aside from that

He also canonically is bad at understanding people

So this entire phenomenon would be so confusing to him

And Paul is a dork

Which means of course he’s gonna write an essay

Mostly with the intent of explaining it to *himself*

But then he gets super into the movie’s lore

Like

Once he gets into analyzing that he’s done for

The essay he writes could basically be an example essay for a college course in film theory

All of a sudden he goes from genuinely not understanding what Tumblr is doing to picking apart this unreal movie scene by imaginary scene

He’s like. Invested.

He doesn’t plan on publishing it.

But Ted finds it while snooping to try and see Paul’s browser history (as a joke)

And he posts it for the meme

Like literally just to make fun of his weird friend

And Tumblr *eats this shit up*

And all of a sudden, Paul’s an internet microcelebrity

This might even gain him attention from the right people who actually sponsor him going to film school

Which would help him transfer into a career as a film critic

Where he belongs.

Thank you for this-

24 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

#3

From what I’ve seen, I would sell my soul to see Jangle Ball live-

28 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#2

Ziggs Headcanons Because I Can

As y’all can see, I have gone briefly down the Jae rabbithole again. But yeah. I adore Ziggs, so have some of my thoughts!

- Ziggy named themself after Ziggy Stardust, the titular character of David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. Because let’s be honest: wasn’t David Bowie all of our gay awakenings?

- They founded the smoke club, but they were also the first person to leave it. Joey and Lauren’s smokers “killed their mojo”.

- When they’re not living with Emma on the farm, they foster dogs. 

- They ran the GSA/ equivalent at Hatchetfield High. That’s where they met Deb

- They really like Alice, and they really like how happy Deb is around her. 

- This does not mean they have not made a few mistakes while they were drunk/ high

- They always did the posters for local shows

- They’ve also performed a bit

- Deb tries to get Alice to cast them in her play

- Alice does not do it. Not because Ziggs wouldn’t do well with it. Because she’s just petty enough to deny them a role out of jealousy, and it’s her show.

- They’re a gifted kid who burnt out really early

- Like we’re talking 12? 13 at the oldest.

- The pressure on them to maintain a certain image just became too much, so they gave up on every aspect of it- including academics/ the urge to seem intelligent.

- And the doubt that comes with that actually allowed themself to figure out who they really were pretty early. 

- With that also comes the impulse to smoke. 

- Because when they smoke, they can escape the disappointment of their family. 

- Moving out was the best thing to ever happen to them

- Despite their own parents’ disdain for them, a lot of the parents around town genuinely like Ziggs

- They do a lot of babysitting

- Because they’re harmless for the most part. Just a bit high.

- In timelines where they don’t go to jail/ where Perky’s Buds never happens, they do eventually find themself in a place where they’re happy.

- And at that point, they kick the habit.

- They have a lot of support doing it too. 

- They always volunteer to be the chaperone to the pride/ queer events at Hatchetfield High as an adult

- They get really into being the queer big sibling of all the LGBTQ+ kids in Hatchetfield.

- Like their doors are open any time, and all the kids know that. 

- And yes. They do eventually find themself a girl with tigolbitties.

34 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Gerald's always known that only two of the kids are his cause he got a vasectomy after the first two

Alsnsoamzkqpwmdkwlskxmialamsj

He actually did this without telling Linda

As a test.

and he’s been playing along as though he doesn’t know for years

Linda thinks she’s realll sneaky

when in reality Gerald’s the sneaky one.

That’s all, I’m not gonna ruin this by saying too much

48 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

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