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starry-bi-sky · 6 months

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i need to get this out of my head before i continue clone^2 but danny being the first batkid. Like, standard procedure stuff: his parents and sister die, danny ends up with Vlad Masters. He drags him along to stereotypical galas and stuff; Danny is not having a good time.

He ends up going to one of the Wayne Galas being hosted ever since elusive Bruce Wayne has returned to Gotham. Vlad is crowing about having this opportunity as he's been wanting to sink his claws into the company for a long while now. Danny is too busy grieving to care what he wants.

And like most Galas, once Vlad is done showing him off to the other socialites and the like, he disappears. Off to a dark corner, or to one of the many balconies; doesn't matter. There he runs into said star of the show, Bruce who is still young, has been Batman for at least a year at this point, but still getting used to all these damn people and socializing. He's stepped off to hide for a few minutes before stepping back into the shark tank.

And he runs into a kid with circles under his eyes and a dull gleam in them. Familiar, like looking into a mirror.

Danny tries to excuse himself, he hasn't stopped crying since his parents died and it's been months. He rubs his eyes and stands up, and stumbles over a half-hearted apology to Mister Wayne. Some of Vlad's etiquette lessons kicking in.

Bruce is awkward, but he softens. "That's alright, lad," he says, pulling up some of that Brucie Wayne confidence, "I was just coming out here to get some fresh air."

There's a little pressing; Bruce asks who he's here with, Danny says, voice quiet and grief-stricken, that he's with his godfather Vlad Masters. Bruce asks him if he knows where he is, and Danny tells him he does. Bruce offers to leave, Danny tells him to do whatever he wants.

It ends with Bruce staying, standing off to the side with Danny in silence. Neither of them say a word, and Danny eventually leaves first in that same silence.

Bruce looks into Vlad Masters after everything is over, his interest piqued. He finds news about him taking in Danny Fenton: he looks into Danny Fenton. He finds news articles about his parents' deaths, their occupations, everything he can get his hands on.

At the next gala, he sees Danny again. And he looks the same as ever: quiet like a ghost, just as pale, and full of grief. Bruce sits in silence with him again for nearly ten minutes before he strikes a conversation.

"Do you like to do anything?"

Nothing. Just silence.

Bruce isn't quite sure what to do: comfort is not his forte, and Danny doesn't know him. He's smart enough to know that. So he starts talking about other things; anything he can think of that Brucie Wayne might say, that also wasn't inappropriate for a kid to hear.

Danny says nothing the entire time, and is again the first to leave.

Bruce watches from a distance as he intercts with Vlad Masters; how Vlad Masters interacts with him. He doesn't like what he sees: Vlad Masters keeps a hand on Danny's shoulder like one would hold onto the collar of a dog. He parades him around like a trophy he won.

And there are moments, when someone gets too close or when someone tries to shake Danny's hand, of deep possessiveness that flints over Vlad Masters' eyes. Like a dragon guarding a horde.

He plays the act of doting godfather well: but Bruce knows a liar when he sees one. Like recognizes like.

Danny is dull-eyed and blank faced the entire time; he looks miserable.

So Bruce tries to host more parties; if only so that he can talk to Danny alone. Vlad seems all too happy to attend, toting Danny along like a ribbon, and on the dot every hour, Danny slips away to somewhere to hide. Bruce appears twenty minutes later.

"I was looking into your godfather's company," he says one night, trying to think of more things to say. Some nights all they do is sit in silence. "Some of my shareholders were thinking of partnering up--"

"Don't."

He stops. Danny hardly says a word to him, he doesn't even look at him -- he's sitting on the ground, his head in his knees. Like he's trying to hide from the world. But he's looking, blue eyes piercing up at Bruce.

Bruce tilts his head, practiced puppy-like. "Pardon?"

"Don't." Danny says, strongly. "Don't make any deals with Vlad."

It's the most words Danny's spoken to him, and there's a look in his eyes like a candle finding its spark. Something hard. Bruce presses further, "And why is that?"

The spark flutters, and flushes out. Danny blinks like he's coming out of a trance, and slumps back into himself. "Just don't."

Bruce stares at him, thoughtful, before looking away. "Alright. I won't."

And they fall back into silence.

Danny, when he leaves, turns to look at Bruce, "I mean it." He says; soft like he's telling a secret, "Don't make any deals with him. Don't be alone with him. Don't work with him."

He's scampered away before Bruce can question him further.

(He never planned on working with Vlad Masters and his company; he's done his research. He's seen the misfortune. But nothing ever leads back to him. There's no evidence of anything. But Danny knows something.)

At their next meeting, Danny starts the conversation. It's new, and it's welcomed. He says, cutting through their five minute quiet, that he likes stars. And he doesn't like that he can't see them in Gotham.

Bruce hums in interest, and Danny continues talking. It's as if floodgates had been opened, and as Bruce takes a sip of his wine, it tastes like victory.

("Tucker told me once--") ("Tucker?") ("Oh-- uh, one of my best friends. He's a tech geek. We haven't talked in a while.")

(Danny shut down in his grief -- his friends are worried, but can't reach him. When he goes back to the manor with Vlad, he fishes out his phone and sends them a message.)

(They are ecstatic to hear from him.)

It all culminates until one day, when Danny is leaving to go back inside, that Bruce speaks up. "You know," He says, leaning against the railing. "The manor has many rooms; plenty of space for a guest."

The implication there, hidden between the lines. And Danny is smart, he looks at Bruce with a sharp glean in his eyes, and he nods. "Good to know."

The next time they see each other, Danny has something in his hands. "Can you hold onto something for me?" He asks.

When Bruce agrees, Danny places a pearl into his palm. or, at least, it's something that looks like a pearl. Because it's cold to the touch; sinking into Bruce's white silk gloves with ease and shimmering like an opal. It moves a little as it settles into his hand, and the moves like its full of liquid.

Bruce has never seen anything like it before, but he does know this; it's not human. "What is it?" He asks, and Danny looks uncomfortable.

"I can't tell you that." He says, shifting on his foot like he's scared of someone seeing it. "But please be careful with it. Treat it like it's extremely fragile."

When Bruce gets home, he puts it in an empty ring box and hides the box in the cave. He tries researching into what it is. he can't find anything concrete.

Everything comes to a head one day when Danny appears at the manor's doorstep one evening, soaking wet in the rain, and bleeding from the side.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc prompt #man i just really need more dpdc stuff where danny and bruce have a good relationship. like man i NEED it. like i need to see these two #bonding together. and not in a cracky 'oh danny is a distant friend/cousin/etc' stuff but like. active participants in each other's lives #or as active as can be in this case. i neeeeed these two getting along and caring about one another #this idea came to me like last night and hasn't left since nd it was driving me up the wall to think about both positively and negatively b #i neeeded someone to hear about this or i was gonna implode #danny is the first son #tried to just get the general gist of the idea down but i definitely thought of the idea that bruce lowkey suspects vlad for having a hand #Vlad allows Danny to sneak off because he thinks Danny is alone. if he knew Bruce was there he'd be piiisssed and would put a stop to it #Sam and Tucker are alive they just got ghosted for a bit by danny bc he was in Major Grief and didn't wanna socialize. He couldn't go to #them because he didn't wanna put them in danger via Vlad.#oh that thing he handed Bruce? Yeah that's his ghost core. I have a headcanon (that isnt always applied) that ghosts can take their cores #out of their bodies at will and painlessly and without issue. and its common practice actually to do so bc they can be a not insignificant #distance away from said core before problems start to act up. and its common for ghosts to leave their physical cores at their lairs for #safekeeping because as long as the physical core is fine: so is the ghost. they can reform if their body gets destroyed. it also acts as a #fast travel sometimes. where they can reform at their core in an instant. its not inspired in the slightest by SU but i do see the overlap #most cores are pretty small for safety sake: its harder to hit if its small. and they're pr resilient too but its better to be safe than #sorry. so yeah. danny essentially gave bruce the physical embodiment of his soul and indirectly said #'if anything happens to me at least i'll be safe with you'#danny doesn't know he's batman btw #starry rambles.#was gonna go into danny becoming a vigilante beside bruce but im sleeeepy so i'll do that in a reblog. he's gonna go by nightingale if #anyone is interested. stereotypical but to be frank it is a *good* name imo. has a good amount of syllables and consonants to it #and the bird theme. and since its part of an ancestral name it has even more backing for it being bird-y without being meta

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ruporas · 1 year

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i killed. i murdered. i'm nothing like these sleepy people here… nevertheless, you can actually be grateful? bastard… i’m saying… thank you. because you spilled blood, you saved all of these people’s lives. i couldn’t have done it without you. (ID in alt)

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #participated in altades' dance collab :3 very grateful for the opportunity and many thanks to them for organizing this!#there was a lot of vw arc choices... but i went for the leonof arc bc it's a dear vw moment to me #i think a lot of the leonof arc further breaks down vash's ideology and for the readers - together with ww- to learn that his ideals aren't #pure naivety and that vash knows he's at an odd standpoint with himself. he's criticized ww for shooting rai-dei just prior when ww had don #so on the behalf of vash but here he thanks him for killing on behalf of his home and its genuine. bc vash's presence - although it's not #his fault - he was the reason leonof and gray had gotten to the ship and killed people there. that's the guilt he has to live with and #despite his anger he'd still resolute not to kill. meanwhile ww just did what he had to - beating down on a seemingly immortal monster but #at the core made up of many lives he had to take and i feel as the fight dragged on - his own mentality waned. committing active carnage #while remembering the orphanage... and bearing that guilt alongside the words vash left with him during rai-dei's death #only for vash to thank him afterwards what he's done and for apologizing for pushing his beliefs on ww when he had no solutions of his own #anyway. i just have so an immense love for this arc bc they just got around to appreciating each other in weird ways. though ofc its still #weird and confusing for ww bc every new info on vash it'll just be strange to him as someone who's human #ruporas art

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zivazivc · 4 months

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my brainrot about these two can be measured in liters

#dreamworks trolls #trolls #ex bandmates #trolls oc #hed #les #my art #this drawing is very old already but i really wanted to write a oneshot to go with it #because i have story in my mind that led to this particular moment #but ALAS. no motivation for writing #lets just say he had a shit class meeting about their end of elementary school prom where he got singled out and everyone collectively...#...decided that he can't participate in the traditional dance because he's too short (unless. an asshole classmate proposed. he finds...#..a dancing partner in like the 2nd grade. and the class teacher looked thoughtful instead of reprimanding that student.)#basically no one not even his friends stood up for him and it made him feel like a class nuisance they were trying to sweep under the rug #living in vibe city made him such an outcast in general. he did a lot of crying over wanting to be a funk troll and fit in :((#and of course les would blame himself for every one of his problems #ughuguguhugh #i have shed physical tears thinking about these two idiots who can't let go of resentment for each other but also love each other so so muc #fuck i'm crying again #someone put me out of my misery

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bietrofastimoff23 · 2 months

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the fact that Alicent cares about viserys' disgusting ass more than her own children is really a crazy change, especially after THIS night.

i mean, the new canon tells us that the reason Alicent wanted to seize the throne was not out of fear for the lives of her children, but because VISERYS supposedly wanted it that way. and when it turned out that this was not the case, she easily turned her back on them all and almost was ready to bring Aegon's head to Rhaenyra on a platter.

((look, Otto didn't love his grandchildren, but he would NEVER do that to them, not even to Aegon, whom he can barely stand.))

viserys absolutely dgaf about THEIR - his and Alicent's - family. he didn't care about her feelings, her dignity, her desires. he called her by a wrong name, took away her girlhood, in order to have sons whom he did not love. he never gave her anything in return, only took away. but she shows more respect and LOVE for his ghost than for her own living sons, who are ready to give their all for the sake of a grain of such an attitude towards themselves.

now it looks as if she used her children while they were convenient for her: Aegon, being burned, can no longer guarantee her power - puts him under the enemy's sword, Aemond, who has been her support for years, began to cause problems - does not even remember him. only Helaena is left, and I'm inclined to believe that if she "shows her teeth" too, all of Alicent's tenderness towards her will fade. (daeron, RUUUN-). she hardly perceives them as persons, but this is a separate conversation.

"she wanted to torture one of my sons after her bastards took away his eye with impunity and will want to cut off the head of another my son for the throne, but she will be a good queen with whom I will want to escape into the forest" boys, that was THE moment when you should have run away from here.

she condemns them for the fear and hatred that she has nurtured in them for years. she's really terrible at this show.

tbh, I don't see any redemption for her. but also I don't hope that in this show she will face real consequences, and not senseless humiliation bc... just watch s2.

#“she doesn't owe them anything.” She owes them A LOT #SHE put them in this situation and instead of silently leaving the stage she reveals their plans as if she has the right to do so #don't want to participate in the war? go away. don't stop them from fighting for their lives and don't dare sell them.#She gave birth to them - that's right - but it is not for her to decide their fate #anti alicent hightower #anti viserys i targaryen #anti rhaenicent #anti hotd #house of the dragon #hotd #team green #aegon ii targaryen #helaena targaryen #aemond targaryen #otto hightower #daeron targaryen #my post

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lifemod17 · 4 months

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Like I'm sorry are you seeing how much this man was INTO IT when he sang Would That I earlier?!??

Also the curls were curling, oh my goodness 😍

Source: x.com

#IMPORTANT UPDATE: THE Fuckass White Converse IS OKAY! HE WORE IT EARLIER!!#once upon a time i had a post on here talking about how much i love this song live because of the variation whenever he does the #'youre good to me' part #especially with this one I'm just FLOORED by how feral he was!!!#i cannot find that post but the sentiment still stands #w.b! era will never die #hozier #andrew hozier byrne #would that i #wasteland baby!#unreal unearth tour #andrew hozier-byrne #THE MAN THAT YOU ARE #!!!!#your honor i love him!!!#also love love love how the crowd participation in this song was not something he ever asked for. the crowd just loved singing along🥺🥺#until it became a staple 🥺🥺#this man is as tall as he is because the talent cannot be contained!!

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transmascutena · 2 months

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the poor little meow meow-ifictation of saionji in this fandom has got to stop i can't take it any more

#he is an interesting character yes and i like him but some of you act like he is eternally and exclusively a victim which is not true #yes he is a victim of akio and of the narrative (like every other character. he is not perticularly special in this regard)#no he is not a victim of the patriarchy (he in fact benefits from it directly at the cost of the girls around him)#no he is not a victim of wakaba (??not sure where this even came from) no he is not a victim of anthy (watch the first episode again maybe)#some of you are at all times 2 steps away from becoming the next misandry in the utena fandom person #“erm the way he is punished by the narrative for failing to live up to the masculine ideal of the prince-#-is basically just as bad as the systemic abuse he participates in putting girls through“#good lord i do not want to hear your takes on any real world feminist issues #m #bad takes #(should probably remember to use that tag. even though this isn't really about anything super specific)#and it's not about any of my mutuals to be clear. you all know how to actually be critical of how much he sucks #AND write good nuanced analysis. shockingly you can do both. actually i don't think one is possible without the other

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lovelessrage · 7 months

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Pro-kink advocacy goes hand in hand with aspec advocacy and if you don't understand this you need to start.

#note: yes this includes advocacy for the sex repulsed and averse! the point is that both communities are villified for living outside norms #both communities are actively hated for not conforming to what society deems the natural way of things #the freedom to be proudly kinky comes with the freedom to proudly not participate #it's about a collective shared goal for relationship freedom and personal choice #if you're pro aspec but anti kink you're not getting it. same if you're pro kink but anti aspec.#we have so much in common. i've never felt more accepted than when i've been around kink positive people #we're valuable allies for each other #we're all freaks to normative society. linking up pulls all of us forward #aromantic #asexual #aplatonic #atertiary #aro #ace #apl #arospec #acespec #aplspec #aspec #scowl corner #you don't have to live the lifestyle of someone else to want to see each other succeed.

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trans-axolotl · 1 year

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Image description: [Black text on lined paper. Text reads: Share your story with the Psych Survivor Archive. Hold the psychiatric system accountable for the violence and coercion we've survived. Make space for our anger. Grieve together. Celebrate our resistance. The Psych Survivor Archive is a forum for psych survivors to share about their experiences and be believed. You can share as much or as little as you want. Your story will be anonymously published on the website with writing from other psych survivors. The archive is open to anyone who identifies as a psych survivor, including people who survived inpatient hospitalization, rehab, troubled teen industry, partial hospitalization, outpatient programs, ABA, and any other form of coercion psych treatment. Check out the prompts, participant rights, and content guidelines. Share your story now: www.psychsurvivorarchive.com/submit-your-story]

Hey everyone. I wanted to share this here as well. The Psych Survivor Archive is looking for anyone who wants to share their story and have it anonymously published on the website, in order to create a collection of our experiences navigating the psych system. Your responses will be anonymous and can be as detailed or vague as you want. On the website, there are prompts, but you can feel free to share in whatever format makes sense to you.

This is a more informal way to participate in the Psych Survivor Archive if you are not interested in creating art for the zine, but still want your story to be heard and validated.

For me, it has felt very cathartic to write out my story, on my terms, in the way that I want to be known. I hope that the archive can offer that space to other psych survivors as well, and I can't wait to keep developing this project and offering even more. In the next couple weeks, submissions will open up for the second edition of the zine, so if you're interested in submitting creative art or writing keep an eye out!

love and solidarity always <3

#personal #psych survivor #antipsych #survivingpsych #mad liberation #mad pride #madpunk #neurodivergent #mental illness #psych abolition #antipsychiatry #thank you SO much to everyone who's submitted stories so far. they are now live on the website #for me i process through writing. it means a lot to feel seen #and this is a small thing that i would like. to do with other people as well. idk #i know writing and sharing is really not everyone's thing and that's totally okay. as always there's #no pressure to participate. just an option #hopefully will be publishing some more zines soon about basic antipsych topics which would be lovely

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poethebeloved · 1 year

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the issue with discussions of "lore" is that people are thinking about/defining "lore" completely wrong. people beg for lore thinking that there must be universe-altering events constantly happening, and without that the story is not progressing. but large events like q!cellbit's kidnapping or q!roier and everyone going to rescue bobby are only one aspect of "lore" right?

to me, "lore" is anything that tells us something about the way the universe works or who the characters are that was not already known. q!foolish being batman? LORE!!! richarlyson hating baths? LORE!!!

people refuse to take these silly one-off events/comments and dismiss them in favor of major lore events, but that small stuff is necessary for the big stuff to pan out. I mean, without small things like richarlyson telling q!roier that q!cellbit easily falls for flirting, would we have built up to the wedding? without Tallulah/everyone on the server teasing q!quackity about his crush on q!wilbur, would we have had the "wilbur party" explosion?

at the end of the day, 99% of what the creators are doing is contributing to the lore (of at least their character if not the whole server) because they are roleplaying characters and the things they say are part of their character and become their lore. stop hating on creators for "not doing lore" when they are actively taking care of their egg or creating builds or doing silly schemes. because that is still lore that can and often will culminate in these larger narratively satisfying events!

#qsmp #just a little rant because some people discredit ccs when they are literally just having fun #believe it or not etoiles is not a father to an egg named pomme so yes he is participating in lore BC HE IS DOING RP #sorry to break it to you but not every thing that happens needs to be the most dramatic live altering story beat #i think people just refuse to take silly things are important lore elements #that is how you get to people having designating lore streams when its like... everything can be lore bc its rp!#its all lore always has been

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volitioncheck · 1 year

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does near every single post-canon DE fic out there need to be tagged ‘Sober Harry Du Bois’? i’m getting so tired of it.

do i expect every single piece of fan content to have to fully delve into the often-depressing always-complex topic of addiction? not really. sometimes you just want to write/read a silly fluffy romance one-shot, whatever. i get it. but i think my issue is specifically with the fact that for nearly every sillyfluffy au out there, there almost must be a ‘sober harry du bois’ tag. and it does feel very slapped-on more often than not.

i think to me it is an unconscious statement that nothing *good* can ever happen to harry du bois until he is completely and permanently sober. before solving the next big case, he has to be sober. before quitting the force, he has to be sober. before falling in love with kim, he has to be sober. before accomplishing anything, starting any sort of recovery, making any life improvement, he must first be sober.

sobriety as a goal, as a journey, and honestly as a concept in of itself is not as cut and dry as so many people think it is. and i think it would serve a lot of people well if they did some introspection on the implications of how nearly every single post-canon fic that isn’t dealing directly with harry’s addiction have him as completely sober instead.

if the plot of the fic isn’t going to touch directly on harry’s substance use (and again, i’m not demanding that every single fic should), why does that mean that sober!harry must be the default?

i think i am just tired of reading a casefic, a smutty one-shot, a fantasy au, whatever, where it almost seems that before getting on with the plot, the author feels obligated to first assure us that the harry we’re reading about is a Sober Harry. it’s established with a couple lines in the exposition, probably about his improved appearance, a tag up top, and then never brought up again; a checkmarked box. like the societal image of An Addict has completely prevented people from being able to imagine a person just, continuing to live life, while still struggling with addiction.

life happens, with all of its backslides and achievements, mundanity and changes, to people with drug addictions just as much as people who don’t. is a post-canon harry who isn’t sober not worth writing about?

i think so. i think the game we all played thinks so too. in fact i think that sentiment is woven into the game’s very core. i just wish i saw that reflected in our fan content more.

#i really hope my point is understandable in that it isn’t that i think that stories where harry *does* become sober aren’t also valuable.#or that i want every post-canon harry to *not* be sober.#but rather questioning why there seems to be a subconcious necessity for harry to be sober to have kind things happen to him.#disco elysium #harry du bois #also obligatory because i am putting this in the main tag:#this isn’t a callout or vague on any one person/creator/group of people in particular #it’s more of a prompt to discussion on a very broad trend #one informed by insidious biases that live in all of us because we live in a society etc #that none of us are immune to but all of us have a responsibility to acknowledge #if there is goal to this post it’s to provoke introspection. not individual attacks #anyways i love quietly consuming fan content until something annoys me enough to make my own post about it #i do wish i Participated in fan communities more tbh especially this one i’m just shy lol #most of the time.#me talking

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anghraine · 23 days

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jenndoesnotcare replied to this post:

Every time LDS kids come to my neighborhood I am so so nice to them. I hope they remember the blue haired lady who was kind, when people try to convince them the outside world is bad and scary. (Also they are always so young! I want to feed them cookies and give them Diana Wynne Jones books or something)

Thank you! Honestly, this sort of kindness can go a really long way, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

LDS children and missionaries (and the majority of the latter are barely of age) are often the people who interact the most with non-Mormons on a daily basis, and thus are kind of the "face" of the Church to non-Mormons a lot of the time. As a result, they're frequently the ones who actually experience the brunt of antagonism towards the Church, which only reinforces the distrust they've already been taught to feel towards the rest of the world.

It's not that the Church doesn't deserve this antagonism, but a lot of people seem to take this enormous pride in showing up Mormon teenagers who have spent most of their lives under intense social pressure, instruction, expectation, and close observation from both their peers and from older authorities in the Church (it largely operates on seniority, so young unmarried people in particular tend to have very little power within its hierarchies). Being "owned" for clout by non-Mormons doesn't prove anything to most of them except that their leaders and parents are right and they can't trust people outside the Church.

The fact that the Church usually does provide a tightly-knit community, a distinct and familiar culture, and a well-developed infrastructure for supporting its members' needs as long as they do [xyz] means that there can be very concrete benefits to staying in the Church, staying closeted, whatever. So if, additionally, a Mormon kid has every reason to think that nobody outside the Church is going to extend compassion or kindness towards them, that the rest of the world really is as hostile and dangerous as they've been told, the stakes for leaving are all the higher, despite the costs of staying.

So people from "outside" who disrupt this narrative of a hostile, threatening world that cannot conceivably understand their experiences or perspectives can be really important. It's important for them to know that there are communities and reliable support systems outside the Church, that leaving the Church does not have to mean being a pariah in every context, that there are concrete resources outside the Church, that compassion and decency in ordinary day-to-day life is not the province of any particular religion or sect and can be found anywhere. This kind of information can be really important evidence for people to have when they are deciding how much they're willing to risk losing.

So yeah, all of this is to say that you're doing a good thing that may well provide a lifeline for very vulnerable people, even if you don't personally see results at the time.

#jenndoesnotcare #respuestas #long post #cw religion #cw mormonism #i've been thinking about how my mother was the compassionate service leader in the church when i was a kid #which in our area was the person assigned to manage collective efforts to assist other members in a crisis #this could mean that someone got really sick or broke their leg or something and needs meals prepared for them for awhile #or it could mean that someone lost their job and they're going to need help #it might mean that someone needs to move and they need more people to move boxes or a piano or something #she was the person who made sure there was a social net for every member in our area no matter what happened or what was needed #there's an obvious way this is good but it also makes it scarier to leave and lose access #especially if there's no clear replacement and everyone is hostile #i was lucky in a lot of ways - my mother was unorthodox and my bio dad and his family were catholic so i always had ties beyond the church #my best friend was (and is) a jewish atheist so i had continual evidence that virtue was not predicated on adherence to dogma #and even so it was hard to withdraw from all participation in church life and doubly so because the obvious alternative spaces #-the lgbt+ ones- seemed obsessed with gatekeeping and viciously hostile towards anyone who didn't fit comfortable narratives #so i didn't feel i could rely on the community at large in any structural sense or that i had any serious alternative to the church #apart from fandom really and only carefully curated spaces back then #and like - random fandom friends who might not live in my country but were obviously not mormon and yet kind and helpful #did more to help me withdraw altogether than gold star lesbians ever did

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