#living for laura character through the show

[leonardcohenofficial]

there’s a great write up by someone on here that i will have to search for in which they discuss how the ultimate evil for david lynch is sexual violence against women (even more severe than murder, which is often auxiliary to that type of specific violence); twin peaks is incredibly soapy—on purpose! lynch and frost are playing with form and content on purpose to examine incredibly difficult subject matter through a (for lack of a better word) more palatable format—which most of the time i think works to its advantage and makes those moments of visible horror so much more effective (i use “visible” rather than “true” or other similar adjectives because the horror is always there, it’s embedded in the entire town, shows up in every generation we see in screen and we watch them grapple with it in different ways, but that’s a separate post)

however—and i’ve talked about this before—i find that once you’ve watched fire walk with me it is so much harder to watch the show because the ignorance of nearly every single member of the town (yes, including cooper) pervades the way the action unfolds. twin peaks viewers knew the premise of the show going in and we get to discover details and information alongside the characters. when albert rosenfield comes in as the only voice of reason and reality, it’s set up to be jarring to both the townspeople and to the viewer. why?

sheryl lee said in an interview, “fire walk with me was very difficult for me to watch… and, emotionally it’s a reminder: this is a movie, but this continues to happen every day and how can we stop it? when i watch fire walk with me now, as a mother, i watch it and i think look at all those signs that were being exhibited. this girl was in danger, and look at all these people that were in her life. what would have happened if someone, somewhere, somehow could have helped or stopped it? that’s hard to watch.”

much has been discussed critically about fire walk with me and whether or not it’s exploitative in the ways that it portrays sexual violence against women. while lynch does not shy away from making that violence visible, it is done so in an attempt to make the viewer examine their own relationship to that violence and how it shows up in their own lives. the audience is forced to think about the ways that they are complicit in how and why these violent acts occur and what they can do to stop it, which is why for many it is an uncomfortable watch. for others, it is a painful (and speaking from my own perspective) necessary watch because lynch didn’t make a horror movie, he made a documentary.

fire walk with me is necessary (in my humblest of opinions) to understand why the pieces that lynch and frost put into twin peaks work. there’s so much backstory to how they weren’t originally going to reveal who laura palmer’s killer was until ABC made them, lynch wasn’t around during much of the second season so things got a little off the rails storytelling-wise, etc. etc. but fire walk with me allows them to tie difficult, often horrifying threads (ben horne unknowingly attempting to have sex with his daughter, the townspeople’s distancing of albert, the hands of random townspeople trembling as BOB attempts to claw back into the material world, the list goes on and on) back to the central thesis of “sexual violence is the ultimate evil, it is completely avoidable, and you have a responsibility to recognize the signs and stop being complicit”

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Is there any chance we could have a round up of the Circus? I am so lost on how the dominoes fell over the last 40 days

Okay this is not comprehensive, because (a) my husband the politics nerd is currently on his way to a gig in west Wales somewhere and so cannot chime in and also (b) all our political journalist friends are understandably quite busy right now doing political journaling, but I seem to have an influx of new followers who are also very confused and don't understand what's going on, so I shall try.

Alright so what we're seeing here is the Second Clownfall of 2022, the hotly anticipated sequel to the Adventures of Big Dog the Clown. However it revolves around the character of Liz Truss, and will use some terminology, so

Previous Reading

Important Terminology - Required Reading

What is a Whip?

How do Whips work?

Shadow Cabinet

Front Benchers, Back Benchers and the Cabinet

What do we need to call an early General Election?

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown - Suggested Reading

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Elanor's Guide to Liz Truss - Suggested Reading

Character-based prequel

...okay I think that's everything. On with the show!

The Premiership of Liz Truss (2022-2022)

Week One

We begin our tale on September 5th, 2022. Coincidentally, that was also the date that I personally started my new job. Let's see which of us does better!

The Daily Mail is delighted, and runs a headline proclaiming "Cometh the hour, cometh the woman". Tory rag in a frock coat the Financial Times runs an op-ed:

So the results ARE IN! She will definitely fuck us up! But that's a good thing for vague reasons! Blitz spirit everyone. Tally ho, pip pip, shoot a servant and have sex with a wall, hey what. Good old Blighty.

(That's my best impression of Tories I'm good at their accents I hope you like it)

Truss does an interview with Laura Kuenssberg, and fellow guest and comedian Joe Lycett wildly and effusively applauds her every word. Even Liz realises no one would sincerely applaud her. Bafflingly, the entire right wing press and every member of the Tory party freak out about this, because they don't understand the function of a satirist and don't know how to defend against it. It is extremely funny. Joe Lycett announces he's a right-wing comedian now, and begins a new extended career bit effusively and sarcastically praising right wing politicians. They all cry extensively and call him mean.

SO, it's been a long hard leadership campaign! But she made it. For years, Tories have been blighted by the curse of the PM/Chancellor relationship, backstabbing and cheating and lying about each other to try and get power. But not our Liz, oh no; her Chancellor is Maths Mate and BFF Kwasi Kwarteng, an insipid and poisonous gnome known for three (3) things:

He once wrote a stupid book with Liz Truss about his stupid opinions on how he thinks economics work and everyone laughed at him and stuffed him in a locker

On the night of the Brexit vote he was overheard by a journalist gleefully saying “Who cares if sterling crashes? It will come back up again“ which are of course the words of a man who knows all about economics and how they work

This fucking bullshit back in July:

But hey IT'S OKAY! Everything is fine! Because Liz and Kwasi are BFFs who certainly never had an affair and are marching in lockstep and have each other's backs and both love maths more than their own children if they had any! Maths Friends!

Multiple resignations immediately follow.

Among them is Ben Elliot, the Tory Party chair, which is a pretty big deal from a man who just lived through the Johnson years; also, shockingly, Priti Patel, the deportation-happy Home Secretary, decides that even as an animatronic goblin she cannot support this nonsense.

It's not a resignation per se, but at ten to seven in the evening it's announced that Andrew Bridgen, the Troy MP for Leicestershire North West, has been evicted from his home and ordered to pay £800,000 in legal costs, and a possible £244,000 in rent arrears. Also described as "dishonest" by a judge.

This is not directly relevant to Liz Truss but look, it was a staggeringly weird day and this was basically the topper.

Anyway.

Liz goes to the Palace and is duly sworn in by the Queen, who promptly keels over and dies the very next day. Parliament is instantly shut down for mandatory mourning. As omens go, this one was not subtle.

This triggers the circulation of some very awkward footage of Young Truss talking about how she thinks the Monarchy should be abolished for being a gross relic of horrifying social stratification. However you must understand that it's not awkward because anyone thinks she murdered the Queen. It's because Liz Truss's attempts at public speaking are like sitting through a children's Christmas play when you're the only person in the audience and they can all see your face so you have to look encouraging for four hours when inside you are shrivelling into something approximating an apricot pit travelling to the core of Jupiter.

Take a look at her acceptance speech and wither.

Anyway we're now several MPs and a queen down so she's got to get on replacing those so she can focus on her real love: the much-anticipated mini-budget that she is preparing with Kwasi to save the UK from the harrowing quagmire of crippling poverty that Big Dog managed to drive us into (all while pretending it wasn't Big Dog who did it.)

Fortunately, she does not need to replace the queen! Monarchies take care of themselves, which many people would argue is very much the problem, of course. They had a proper reunion with Meghan From Suits and Meghan From Suits' husband, both of whom were banned from visiting Balmoral, and also the Nonce flew in, who was allowed to visit Balmoral. Such heartwarming scenes.

But the Cabinet, that's another matter. That's something Liz DOES have to do, and it's important she gets it right, Tumblrs, because you see, every time a Cabinet minister is replaced it's expensive and a hassle and it weakens a government by making them look all crumbly, like a packet of biscuits that's been rammed against a wall and now someone is opening it and everyone is bracing for Crumbs.

So, step forward to the Cabinet soulless ghoul Suella Braverman, the new Home Secretary. She immediately distinguishes herself by trying to legalise torture.

And then, naturally,

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S TICK TOCK TERF O'CLOCK also FUCK the sovereignty of the Scottish Parliament amirite ladies lol Girl Power uwu

Not that she can actually do anything at this point, of course. As I say: Enforced Mourning is in process, which means Parliament is shut down for ten days. No work, no speeches, no appearances, no announcements, just taxpayer's money going on legal fees to see if she can interfere with another nation's elected government in order to strip away the human rights of queer people.

However, while we all weep over the corpse of Queen Lizzie Two and beat our breasts in grief, the already-beleaguered pound is slowly bleeding out through this inaction. And this, to the Maths Mates, is unacceptable.

Two things get quietly slid into the news cycle.

Thing the First:

BIG YIKES LADS

Thing the Second:

Fracking ban in England lifted in bid to boost UK gas supply - BBC News

For those who don't know, fracking is an energy extraction process. Water, gas and dust are pumped at high pressure into shale bedrock to crack it open, releasing pockets of natural gas that can then be harvested for fuel. It's environmentally disastrous for multiple reasons, both direct (earthquakes, groundwater pollution, social impacts) and indirect (IT'S STILL A FOSSIL FUEL YOU STUPID CUNTS ARE YOUR SKULLS FUCKING EMPTY). The Welsh and Scottish governments have both banned it outright, a straight-up "Foot down no, petal". England, though, is the Tory paradise, so the ban was less complete.

However, this is still a Huge Deal - the 2019 Tory manifesto was very clear that fracking would only be unbanned IF "the science shows categorically that it can be done safely". In fact, most Tories don't like it either. Their constituents REALLY don't. Also in March Kwasi Kwarteng literally went on record and said it wouldn't lower European gas prices anyway; but not anymore! Now he thinks it's a zippy idea. Just spiffing. Top hole, pip pip (I'm so good at their accents :))

Scientists who have been studying the environmental impacts of fracking produce their report -

And it is quietly buried, so as not to offend the corpse of Lizzie Two.

Here ends the first four days of the Reign of Liz Truss.

Second Week

Anyway, royalists have gone insane and started a REALLY BIG queue to see a box that supposedly contains the rotting cadaver of the old queen. Multiple people have to be hospitalised because they join the Queue and don't take food, water, warm clothes, or essential daily medications with them, even though the Queue is literally days long. Some die. Many take the ashes of their own loved ones so they can wave them at the box for the thirty seconds they get to be in front of it, like a sort of play date for ashes.

Prince Charles, now King Prince Charles, starts swanning about as King, demanding everyone be sad for him and clap him to cheer him up. Someone holds up a sign saying 'Not my King' and gets arrested. This triggers a whole wave of protests and arrests as free speech slides out the window, until the Met Police chief has to step in and explain to the police like they're five-year-olds that they can't do that, actually, and need to cut that shit out.

But we can't wholly blame the police, because the main pressure to clamp down on protestors actually came from...

The government.

Meanwhile the country goes bat shit fucking insane. In order not to offend the fragile sensibilities of royalists, now so brittle they need to be treated with the same delicate touch normally reserved for unstable nitroglycerin, the UK sees supermarkets lowering the volume of self-serve checkout desks, people's funerals cancelled, vital operations and other medical interventions postponed, Centre Parcs cancelling holidays, FOOD BANKS CLOSING, Nintendo Direct cancelling its live stream in Britain (but not cancelling the release of the recording onto You Tube an hour later because as we all know Queen Elizabeth II was a MASSIVE livestream fan and would have been DEVASTATED to miss it but she was very 'meh' about YouTube), cycle racks being closed, and this unhinged shrieking harridan:

Very normal, lads. Very normal.

Oh and also they cancelled Owain Glyndwr Day so as a Welsh person I am now legally allowed to forcibly ram a daffodil into the urethras of the landed English gentry.

However, the protests grow as the suppression wanes. By the time King Prince Charles comes to Wales, he is met with silent protests, this guy who learned a sentence in Welsh specially for the occasion, and a petition to abolish the Prince of Wales title.

Except government is still shut down, so the petitions are all suspended.

But not to worry! That gives the Maths Mates more time to work on their special mini-budget.

Week Three

More of the same at first, really, but she finally addresses the nation to announce that the Queen was the "rock" on which "modern Britain was built".

Also someone finally spots that the necklace she always wears is a day collar, so that was fun.

BUT THEN

The moment we have all been waiting for, with baited breath.

On the 23rd September, 2022, the mini-budget finally arrives. The golden egg of Kwasi and Liz, their beloved, beautiful child, the crowning glory, the culmination of their economic beliefs and values. They are so proud of it, so sure of it, that they do not even submit it for the approval of the Office for Budget Responsibility. Why should they? This is the moment Kwarteng can finally show the world that he was right; that this is the way to do economics after all; that he alone in his brilliance and genius has reinvented the field and will lead the country to a new era of riches and prosperity.

And the pound does this:

Yikes.

Truss goes into hiding for a day and a half, during which time her aids claim all her relatives have died so she won't have to speak to the press, which is obviously a simply fantastic quality in a Prime Minister. Finally, she resurfaces by doing a series of radio interviews for regional stations around the UK, hoping they'll be easier on her, starting with Radio Leeds. The good journalists of Yorkshire eviscerate her and strew her corpse through Adel Woods. It's downhill from there.

Week Four

One poll puts Labour 33 points ahead of the Tories.

It can be a little difficult to translate polls, because the electoral system is complex, so I asked my journalist friends. They cheerfully informed me that, if translated into a General Election, the Tories would have just 3 seats left.

Except! Of course, naturally, that is me reporting naught but the most extreme result, Tumblrs, dancing upon the bones of my enemies as I chant the rites to make the Tory party die faster. If I were to be fair about this - and I am, of course, a journalist of Integrity and Morals - I would actually give the average poll result. And I am wise and fair to all, ancient rites aside, so I shall.

The average poll result is still 19 points ahead.

Tony Blair's landslide Labour victory in 1999 was 12 points.

Rounding off the day, Labour declare that they are backing a change to a proportional representation voting system in place of the UK’s archaic first past the post system. Funny that.

Anyway, that mini-budget is going poorly. Realising unlimited borrowing rather than tax cuts for the rich is maybe Bad Actually, the Maths Mates decide to get the money for their bail-outs some other way. Can you guess, Tumblrs? Can you guess where they decide to get the money from?

Naturally.

Week Five

In a fascinating little twist, the papers claim Liz banned King Prince Charles from going to the Climate Summit in Egypt. This is interesting for about a billion reasons, not least of which is that the papers seem very angry about this and yet also that it's an unsubstantiated rumour - the phrase "it's understood that _" gets a hell of a workout.

She then does not go herself. Makes sense. They'll probably be mean to her about the fracking.

She then loses the support of the Daily Mail, a paper that five weeks before were ecstatic about her rise to power :( so sad. But why? What made them change their minds?

Well. What else from Truss, but a massive and catastrophic u-turn on the economy?

And she does! The absolute nutter!

Plans to cut the 45p tax rate for those earning upwards of £150,000 were abandoned, as were:

abolishing the planned rise in corporation tax

cutting the basic rate of income tax

the two-year energy bill support plan

scrapping the planned dividend tax hike

VAT-free shopping for international tourists

freezing alcohol duty

easing of IR25 rules for the self-employed

ALL GONE! All gone. The mini-budget is not working so lol jk we'll think of something else, that's how government works, right? The pound promptly implodes further. Of all people, Nadine Dorries is the one to criticise

WE ARE IN A TOPSY TURVEY UPSIDE DOWN WORLD

The Daily Mail still finds a way to say it's all Michael Gove's fault, though.

Anyway, the 5th October dawns bright and beautiful and YouGov polls rural voters:

THIS IS HUUUUUUUUUGE, because farmers just will not fucking stop voting Tory, AND YET. Wowsers. Not just popularity. Voting intention. She might as well have personally infected every farm in the South Downs with foot and mouth disease.

Truss realises her popularity is plummeting and she needs a new audience. She tries to appear down with the kids and declares that she's the only PM to have gone to a comprehensive school.

This is not true. Gordon Brown and Theresa May both did. However, it's certainly true that all three of them became PM by ousting a sitting PM, so there's that I guess.

Week Six

At this point I can start putting in PRECISE DATEs just call ME Robert Peston.

13th October

News reporters start speculating that she'll be done by the end of the month as the first rumoured letter of no confidence reaches us. People realise that her competition for shortest serving PM was a guy who died in office of TB at about the four month mark RIP king sorry about your lungs.

(A reminder - normally, if MPs want to oust a party leader, they must send in 54 letters of no confidence. This makes the 1922 Committee - a bunch of back benchers who preside over this shit - hold a vote of no confidence. A leader who loses gives way - this is very rare. A leader who wins is then immune to another such vote for 12 months, but they almost always crumble within a month or two anyway - this is much more common.)

This is extremely funny, because a newly-elected leader of the party has a 12 month immunity to votes of no confidence, same as people who've won such a vote. Likes charge reblogs cast apparently. MPs are getting desperate.

Pressure mounts. Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng announces that he is "Not going anywhere."

14th October

Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng is sacked and blamed for the entire economic mess.

Incredibly, Liz does this without first planning a replacement, so it's several hours before Jeremy Cunt suddenly reappears like the spectre at the fucking feast.

Meanwhile here's Ed Milliband on Twitter

Seven and a half years he waited to retweet that. Seven and a half long years, look, to have the last laugh.

In the end, he still went too soon.

15th October

Deputy PM and also Health Minister Therese Coffey (side note - have they always doubled up in roles like that? Or are there just not enough of them anymore?) announces that she loves antibiotic resistance and dead kids and also breaking laws:

16th October

The Sunday Times calls for Extremely Corrupt Former Grand Vizier Rishi Sunak to take over, and then a General Election so that Labour can take the reins.

The SUNDAY TIMES

Calling for LABOUR

The Sunday Mail tries to stir up support for Ben Wallace taking over, because no one has heard of Ben Wallace so he needs the boost, but then accidentally publish their front page with a different man

In another YouGov poll for the Times, not a single political group, age group, area of the country, gender, or other demographic said that Liz Truss was the right choice for PM

This is the new predicted election graph:

Yikes

17th October

The projected election results are a Labour victory so complete the opposition would be the SNP. Legend suggests Nicola Sturgeon's cackle on finding out was so powerful she accidentally resurrected a witchfinder.

18th October

Meanwhile in the Senedd, Welsh Tory leader Andrew RT Davies, a sort of humanoid boil dressed in ham, tries to accuse placid and gentle First Minister for Wales Mark Drakeford's Labour of being responsible for long ambulance waiting times.

T'was a mistake.

19th October

Oh boy.

Well, first of all, Suella Braverman sends an official email from her private email address, and then promptly leaves the Cabinet at cannonball speeds as though she's seen a brown child about to be given citizenship. Was she quietly fired by Jeremy Cunt? Did she do it deliberately to resign? On her way out, she blames the true source of our problems - the Guardian-reading, tofu-eating Wokerati.

Nigella Lawson spends the day tweeting tofu recipes.

Meanwhile, Graham Brady, the Chair of the 1922 Committee, comes to Liz Truss to inform her that he has in fact now received 54 letters of no confidence. Normally, of course, that would be considered enough to trigger a vote in her leadership; but not now.

However, these are unprecedented times. So he changes the threshold - if half of the Tories send him letters, her immunity will be revoked.

But the thing is, Tumblrs, the thing is...

It is all about to kick off in the most spectacular and catastrophic fireworks since Guy Fawkes had a dream.

Because Ed Milliband, once accused of leading the country to chaos and now riding high on the joy of his well-timed Twitter jab of Some Days Ago, wakes this morning and chooses violence.

He has spotted, of course, that no one likes fracking; even the Tories are against it.

He has also spotted that Liz Truss is very stupid.

So he goes into the House of Commons, and he digs a big pit and covers it over with twigs and leaves so it can't be seen, and he bakes a big cake and he places it in the middle of the twigs, and he sets up a net to fall as well and a big stick of ACME dynamite, and he hammers in little signs everywhere saying CAUTION - TRAP, by which I am of course being metaphorical because what he actually does is table a motion to extend the moratorium on fracking. The signs aren't necessary, really. This trap is easy to avoid.

All Liz Truss has to do, you see, is not use a three-line whip on this vote.

The three-line whip, as you'll all recall, is the highest level of coercion. MPs cannot defy a three-line whip. MPs cannot even abstain on a three-line whip. MPs have two choices on a three-line whip: to vote as they're told, or to be removed from the party. You obey or resign. That's all.

For this reason, it's sometimes called a 'confidence vote', as it is effectively a stand-in for one. The vote is not about the issue at hand - this is now a vote of confidence in your leader.

(He's also laid lesser traps. Years back when fracking was first being heavily discussed, Ed was Labour leader and one of the main figures in those discussions. During today, before it all Kicks The Fuck Off, a Tory stands and challenges him on previous statements about fracking, trying to accuse him of hypocrisy.

He was fucking ready for it.)

Graham Brady pops his head back around the door. He's changed his mind - a third of the party is all that's needed now to trigger a vote of no confidence in Liz Truss. And legend says he's only 17 off.

This is presumably the reason for what comes next.

Liz panics. Liz sees she's desperately unpopular. Liz sees that she has to do something to shore up support; and she sees that her important fracking rule, which her party hates her for, is now being challenged by a former Labour leader, and if he wins (which he will) she'll lose all credibility and maybe they'll take her nice office away and tell her she was a Bad Girl.

And so, with the inevitability of gravity on the now-leaden pound sterling, she makes it a three-line whip, and a confidence vote in her government.

INSTANT CHAOS.

There is uproar! There is rage! There is blinding fury! Tory MPs are standing up in the Commons and snarling and pissing and moaning! No one likes fracking except Jacob Rees Mogg! For TWO HOURS they shriek and scream and gnash their teeth, yelling at Liz Truss, demanding to know why this is happening.

(Legend has it chaos-deity Ed Milliband simply leaned back, put his feet up on the chair in front, and made Christian Wakeford hand-feed him grapes and fan him with a palm leaf, but this is unsubstantiated.)

And then, at 6.55, FIVE MINUTES before voting is ready to begin, the Tory Minister for Climate Graham Stewart stands up and declares that everyone should vote how they want because it's not a confidence vote.

Did I say there was chaos before?

Lol. Lmao, even. Rofl, in fact.

Now Tories leap to their feet and basically all scream one long, unending breath of WHAT-DO-YOU-MEAN-IT'S-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE-WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-HAPPENING-IS-IT-OR-IS-IT-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE and so Stewart gets up again and says, right to everyone's faces, "It's not for me to say whether it's a confidence vote or not," which is an even faster and more spectacular u-turn than Truss herself could pull off given that he literally just said it wasn't and did so while being a minister.

And then the voting starts. MPs are now milling about like chickens who've sighted the hawk, clamouring to know if they're going to lose their jobs unless they vote for Satan. The Whips - specifically Chief Whip Wendy Morton and Deputy Chief Whip Craig Whittaker - descend upon them like fucking wargs on the hunt. They don't just spit vitriol and blackmail into MPs ears. They fucking bodily drag people into the right voting lobby. MPs are legitimately screaming. Grown men are crying literal tears. Labour's Chris Bryant reports holding multiple Tory MPs as they sob into his shoulder. Multiple MPs report similar scenes.

And Tories still don't know if this is even a damn confidence vote, or if they should just knock the Chief Whip's teeth out.

And then the Whips, filled with bloodlust and frenzy, suddenly realise that NO ONE IS LISTENING TO US, YOU'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO US SO WE FEEL POWERFUL -

Cue sudden meeting in a locked room with Liz Truss. For over HALF AN HOUR.

So is it a confidence vote? No one is sure. Deputy PM Therese Coffey thinks so, so in the absence of the Whips she decides physical assault is her job now and is seen by David Linden MP (SNP) physically carrying someone into the voting lobby. Jacob Rees Mogg thinks not and starts yelling "It's not a confidence vote!", to which his colleagues reply, "Fuck off." Meanwhile the Whips have possibly resigned, no one is sure. It is still uncertain if this was a confidence vote.

And Ed Milliband basks in the chaos, playing the fiddle while it all burns around him.

Finally, voting concludes. The Whips reappear to lurk.

The votes are in - the government wins, and fracking will go ahead. But.

32 MPs abstained.

And one of those is Liz Truss.

Which is WILD??!? What possible benefit could she get from that??? No one knows. Everything is uproar again. Guess who else abstained? Well, riveted reader, here's a list with important names highlighted:

Nigel Adams, Gareth Bacon, Siobhan Baillie, Greg Clark, Sir Geoffrey Cox, Tracey Crouch, David Davis, Dame Caroline Dinenage, Nadine Dorries, Philip Dunne, Mark Fletcher, Vicky Ford, Paul Holmes, Alister Jack, Boris Johnson, Gillian Keegan, Kwasi Kwarteng, Robert Largan, Pauline Latham, Mark Logan, Theresa May, Priti Patel, Mark Pawsey, Angela Richardson, Andrew Rosindell, Bob Seely, Alok Sharma, Chris Skidmore, Henry Smith, Ben Wallace, Sir John Whittingdale, and William Wragg.

Kwasi still smarting about that p45, I see.

In any case it then turns out that Liz DID vote, but incompetently, because her voting card didn't read properly, which is actually fair given that she was being screamed at by angry Whips waving Graham Stewart's severed dick and balls around while they demanded power and authority. While she's clearing that up, the press are understandably waiting open-mouthed for comment, but don't worry Liz! Your old pal Jacob Rees Mogg is here to fill in for you!

And thus it is that JRM willingly chooses to go on the live news and calmly confirm to the nation that no one knows if it was a confidence vote or not.

Chaos. Chaos again. Unbridled chaos. The Whips are furious. Everyone is furious. The rebels are now in limbo, unsure if they're now out of a job. Tories are weeping, trying to work out if Rees Mogg WANTS to sink the party. Back bencher Charles Walker MP delivers a frank interview to the press absolutely SHIVERING with rage, like the drummer in a Fleetwood Mac concert. Ex-Lib Dem leader Tim Farron, a bland man known only for the time he himself willingly chose to go on the news and calmly explain that he's a homophobe without provocation, tweets that Liz Truss is a Lib Dem sleeper agent they sent in to destroy the Tories, sparking what is likely to be a whole slew of conspiracy theories by next week. No one knows what is going on. They all decide to sleep on it.

The good folks at Wikipedia ultimately decide to make three separate pages for the UK 2022 government crisis, and to label them with the month "to leave room for another by the end of the year."

Ed Milliband skips all the way home, and treats himself to a bacon sandwich.

20th October

Okay, Liz thinks, the morning after. Okay. Last night was bad. But today will be better.

So first... the vote.

Because there's bad news for Tories who like money and good news for people who like liveable planets - there are problems with the vote. For one, the vote counts are being called into question. Are the results reliable?

For another, the Speaker of the House of Commons calls for an investigation into the reports of, um, assault. So will the result stand?

It's so unclear! And so is that ongoing issue of whether or not the damn thing was a confidence vote. Angry whips say YES, JRM says NO, Downing Street refuses to pick up the phone to the BBC, but does send ITV's Robert Peston a text at 1am to say it was definitely a confidence vote and, unrelatedly, the Whips aren't resigning :)

I think we have found the price paid to keep the Whips.

Meanwhile. Let's see what this has done for Liz's leadership stability!

13 letters of no confidence are confirmed submitted by Sky, 5 of which came in overnight. The 1922 Committee reconvenes the coven to discuss matters. Simultaneously, the One Nation Conservatives reconvene their coven to discuss the same. Presumably there is much "Girl what are YOU doing at the Devil's Sacrament?"-ing and "Same cloak, how embarrassing"-ing. MPs are CLAMOURING for her head. It is VICIOUS. It's like cartoon piranhas in a supervillain's lair; which is highly appropriate, because that's exactly what Tory MPs are.

Graham Brady, head jester of the 1922 Committee, demands to see Liz Truss.

He walks into a room with her, and the doors are closed. Half an hour later, he walks back out of the room.

Ten minutes later, she calls a press conference.

45 days after being appointed, Liz Truss breaks the record, and becomes the shortest-serving British Prime Minister.

[ebongawk]

They were curled up on the couch together, sipping their morning cups of coffee and watching television, when Eddie looked down at her and said, "I don't want you to be my girlfriend anymore."

As a child, Chrissy hadn't been awarded the luxury of cartoons on T.V. She hadn't had much opportunity to watch T.V. at all, as her mother found it a brainless hobby in which young ladies should not indulge. When Eddie found out, through quiet early morning confessions had between the scant space they'd once allowed, back before they fell together in seamless harmony, he'd made it his duty to introduce her to his own boyhood favorites.

Johnny Quest, The Flintstones, and Scooby-Doo all played as a triple feature on Saturday mornings. In the beginning, Chrissy couldn't understand the point. What humor were these humanoid (and other) characters trying so hard to convey, with their dangerous injuries and strange adventures and their terrified running through endless doors?

Then, all at once, she got it.

And it was like... It was like finally eating the cake that had been displayed on the buffet table her entire life. It was decadent indulgence in a way that Laura Cunningham would scoff and sneer at.

It became tradition. No matter what odd jobs they managed to scrounge up after high school, after moving to Chicago and finding their respective footings, they each made a silent agreement to keep their Saturday mornings open so they could cuddle beneath the throw blanket she'd thrifted once upon a time and watch cartoons on Saturday morning.

It became part of her home.

Her happiness.

So when Eddie looked down at her, wearing that same hesitant, curious smile he'd worn the day she fell in love with him in the woods behind Hawkins High, and said, "I don't want you to be my girlfriend anymore," it took her brain a moment to catch up.

"What?" she asked, a smile still dancing against the edges of her lips. Threatening to spill over once again as Scooby-Doo tried to explain, in his mangled English, that the ghoul terrorizing them was in the room he'd just vacated.

"I don't want you to be my girlfriend anymore."

It was more than a bucket of ice water splashed across her shoulders. It was as though her very soul was all at once submerged in an ancient glacier. Like every moment she'd lived, every step she'd been courageous enough to take before this, was suddenly frozen in an arctic tundra of dishonesties. Because they loved each other. They loved hard, and endlessly and forever, and forever came to a halt so screeching it echoed against the frosted chasms within her newfound home of ice.

All at once, she was on her feet, facing him as uncertainty and terror gripped her heart and pounded it against her ribcage.

"You... what?"

Eddie stared at her. Uncomprehending. Like the question, the context, didn't make any sense to him. Like he hadn't just enforced this new line in the sand between them with a few simple, cavalier words.

"Uh."

"You don't..." Her voice cracked, arms wrapping around her midsection as she took a haggard step back. "You don't want me anymore?"

Even to her own ears, her voice was fingernails against a glacial panel. Squeaky and grating, and no wonder, no wonder.

"What?" Eddie said, jumping to his own feet. After a moment, his eyes widened, comprehension and horror crossing his own features. "No, baby, no, not––"

"Did I do something?" Chrissy asked, pleaded, her mind spiraling to find whatever misstep she'd taken. Was it her dislike of alcohol? The fact that she couldn't make it to all of his shows? Oh, God, was it the eight pounds she'd gained last year? Oh, God. "D-Did I––"

"No, Chrissy, not–– Not that, baby, listen––" He was in the kitchen, rifling through drawers.

"Is it–– Is it because the band is doing well? Because you guys might get signed––"

"No, Chris, fuck, where is the goddamn––"

"Oh, my God, Eddie, is it someone else? Some–– Some pretty groupie? Prettier than me and nicer and with bigger tits––"

"Absolutely not!" he shouted from the other room, as though Chrissy could even hear him. Could even understand what he was saying. She barely registered the banging of cabinets in their bedroom. "It's not that, baby, fucking Christ, where the hell did I––"

"Oh, God, Eddie, I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm sorry––" Her voice was barely discernible through the tears. Voice thick with emotion, Chrissy reached out, steadying herself on the arm of the couch before she had opportunity to fall.

"Chrissy, listen, listen, just–– Oh, thank fuck, found it!"

"How can I fix it? Tell me. Please tell me what I can do. How can I––"

Her hand was suddenly engulfed in warmth, and Chrissy whipped around so quickly her head swam, wide eyes trained on the man who'd given her smiles and joy and Saturday morning cartoons.

Wedged between the couch and the coffee table.

On one knee.

The hand not clutching hers like a lifeline holding a tiny black velvet box.

"Sweetness," he crooned softly. "Light of my life. My sunshine personified. I went about this in exactly the wrong way, didn't I?"

Chrissy was stilled, frozen for an entirely new reason as she rapidly blinked the tears from her eyes.

"Eddie?"

"I don't want you to be my girlfriend anymore," he hedged, his deep, endlessly deep brown eyes sparkling up at her so sweetly it began to thaw her terror. "I'd, uh. I'd rather upgrade you to wife, is what I was trying to say in my own stupid way."

The hand not holding his – squeezing his, fingers laced together like she'd float away if she let go – slapped against her lips as she stifled a sharp, almost painful gasp.

"What do you say, Cunningham?" he asked. "You wanna be Munson instead?"

Time didn't pass for a long moment. She just stared, watching as his visage blurred all over again, before she was suddenly in his arms. Her hip knocked into the coffee table, and they almost definitely scraped their floors when the couch legs pushed aside.

But then, then, she was in the arms of her boyfriend–– The arms of her fiancé.

"Yes," she cried. "Yes, Eddie, I'd love to be a Munson!"

The laugh he let out seemed punched from his lungs as he held her close, his face buried in her neck as his shoulders trembled with the same emotions currently storming through her chest. Elation and love and relief and hope, above all else.

"You might be the first person who's ever said that," he chuckled, kissing her shoulder, her neck, her jaw. He pulled back, the hand still clutching the ring box brushing her hair back from her eyes. "As if I could ever exist in this life without you, Cunningham."

Despite herself, she grinned.

"No," she agreed after a second, carefully taking the ring box from him to admire the jewelry nestled inside – a simple silver band, adorned with twin sapphires and a spray of tiny diamonds like bouquets on either side.

It looked like a collision of stars.

"No, you just wanted to scare me into a promotion."

"That's right," Eddie laughed. "A girlfriend-to-wife promotion. With the coveted new-last-name salary package. How's that sound?"

Nuzzling into his chest, Chrissy admired the ring on her fourth-left finger as Eddie kissed the crown of her head.

"Sounds perfect, Mr. Munson."

"I'd hoped you might say that, Ms. Cunningham."

"Hey! That's Mrs. Munson to you!"

"Nope! Not legal til I have your signature, baby."

"Oh, my God, you're the worst!"

[paladinbaby]

i feel like it’s potentially relevant i keep track of these all in a discord channel called nettle spiralling. family portrait of nettle nolastname

@july-19th-club / my nieces is probably the reincarnation of shirley jackson, cj hauser with notes / all about love, bell hooks / where angels fear to tread, e m forster / antichrist, the 1975 / elisabeth hewer / haunted epistemologies, laura westengard / letters to a young poet, rainer maria rilke / sam sifton / the anthropocene reviewed, john green

[Image Description: Ten pictures of text.

1: “simply cannot resist what i call the little mermaid or the tin man or the pinocchio plot, the one about a character who is either inhuman or human but outside in some way, constantly searching for whatever it is that they consider to be the quintessential proof of humanity, preoccupied by it so deeply that they fail to realise the proof is in the act and fact of the search itself”

2: “”What does it mean for the structure of your life to feel menacing? To be imprisoned within it? To feel like it might kill you?”

Haunting is an act of care, care is an act of haunting. Haunting is formed between the trauma, mothers inflict on their daughters.”

3: “We can never go back. I know that now. We can go for-ward. We can find the love our hearts long for, but not until we let go grief about the love we lost long ago, when we were little and had no voice to speak the heart’s longing.” The first three sentences are highlighted in red.”

4: “I seem fated to pass through the world without colliding with it or moving it - and I’m sure I can’t tell you whether the fate’s good or evil. I don’t die - I don’t fall in love. And if other people die or fall in love they always do it when I’m just not there.”

5: “And I swear there's a ghost on this island / And his hands, all covered in blood / And my wife inquired of understanding / But of course, my dear, you can't

She said, How can I relate to somebody who doesn't speak?/ I feel like I'm just treading water

Is it the same for you? / Is it the same for you?”

6: “I want to be eaten alive. I want / to feel wanted.”

7: “cultural anxieties and desires, allowing”for a whole range of specific monstrosities to coalesce in the same form.” The excesses of monstrosity and the hybridity of the living dead help visualize naturalized oppressive structures, making those structures uncanny and therefore intervening in the architecture of oppression. Both haunting and sadomasochism appear in queer thought as expressions of queer temporality that expose a particular type of traumatic temporality. Haunting manifests the swirl-ing, fractured, intersecting temporality of ongoing low-level trauma, not just a single event popping through into the present but a disorienting and overwhelming storm of traumatic intrusion.

The traumatic gothic shadow cast on queer theory is not always made explicit however.” The initial sentence fragment and queer temporality are highlighted in blue. The penultimate sentence is highlighted in purple.

8: “You must realise that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hands and will not let you fall.”

9: “Above all, cook for someone else. Take a moment to prepare food not simply because you’re hungry, but because cooking is an act that makes others feel better. And making the lives of others better is why we are here.”

10: A photo of a page of a book, some lines are highlighted in yellow throughout. “would like that, to show it your belly. There’s something deep within me, something intensely fragile, that is terrified of turning itself to the world.

I’m scared to even write this down, because I worry that having confessed this fragility, you now know where to punch. I know that if I’m hit where I am earnest, I will never recover.

It can sometimes feel like loving the beauty that surrounds us is somehow disrespectful to the many horrors that also surround us. But mostly, I think I’m just scared that if I show the world my belly it will devour me. And so I wear the armor of cynicism, and hide behind the great walls of irony, and only glimpse beauty with my back turned to it, through the Claude glass.

But I want to be earnest, even if it’s embarrassing.”

End ID.]

[storyofmychoices]

Flickers of Hope

[Levi Schuler x Laura Day Masterlist]

Characters: Levi Schuler, Lily Day (daughter) Book: Mother of the Year [Levi x F!MC] Rating/Warnings: General, no warnings but mentions of the war Word Count: >700 Tagging: Hannukah / Holiday for @choicesdecember2023; @choicesholidays ; @choicesficwriterscreations

Synopsis: Levi and Lily celebrate Hanukkah, despite some reluctance.

I can't thank the incredible ArtByAinna (IG) enough for this heartfelt and beautiful art.

A/N: Last year, I decided to get art of Levi for Hanukkah, but with everything happening, it felt disingenuous for Levi to celebrate cheerfully this year. I don't feel he is that kind of person. To me, he is someone who would despise what is going on and have deep empathy for all suffering. So I was grateful to Ainna for working with me to make a Hanukkah piece that while they're still celebrating, they're doing so with a heavy heart. I hope the fic shows this as well.

As she let herself in from school, Lily moved through the familiar rooms of their home with purpose. She glanced around the usual spot where the menorah stood proudly in anticipation of Hanukkah’s arrival, but it wasn’t there. Her brow furrowed in confusion. She had noticed its absences in the previous days leading up to today, but she reasoned that perhaps Levi had decided to keep it tucked away to keep the menorah safe from her younger brother Lucas, whose curious hands tended to explore anything within reach. But, today was the start of Hanukkah, and the menorah was still not on display. Sunset would be approaching soon. 

Lily carefully went through the closet, sifting through a few boxes before finding the right one. Her fingertips brushed over the cool metal menorah as she delicately pulled it from its container. With tender care, Lily placed the menorah on the table near a big window. This way, all could see its light.

With the menorah finally set, Lily gleefully sought out Levi, her steps brimming with excitement to showcase her efforts. "I found something you seemed to have forgotten!" She smiled, nudging his attention toward the menorah. "But don't worry, I know Lucas's terrible twos are keeping everyone busy, so I got you covered, Dad." 

Levi managed a half-hearted smile. "I didn't forget. I was thinking about skipping this year."

"Skipping it? Hanukkah?" Lily's voice raised with curious concern. "Why would you do that?"

"It's really only a minor religious holiday—" His hand rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Besides the latkes... it's not as important as some of the other days. And with Lucas... and Christmas..." 

His words trailed away. He knew none of the reasons he rambled off had anything to do with the true reason he was hesitant to celebrate this year. His heart broke for those caught in the ongoing fighting taking place. He felt guilty celebrating with all that was going on when so much had been lost, and so many lives had been taken. There were no victors in war, only losses. And the toll this war had already taken was too much. He mourned the unnecessary bloodshed and the lives that were forever changed. He didn't know how lighting a candle was going to help anyone.

Her small hand slipped into his, offering a gentle squeeze. She knew without needing to hear it. She had seen his pain over the past several weeks. The horrors the news showed. "Maybe now is exactly the time to celebrate Hanukkah," Lily offered softly, her eyes meeting his with bright compassion. "Didn't you once tell me Hanukkah was about light triumphing over darkness and about spreading hope? I think the world could use a little more hope, especially right now. Don't you?"

He wrapped his arm lovingly around his daughter. He knew she was the most brilliant child he had ever met, and yet she still surprised him. Her kindness, empathy, and, most of all, hope for a brighter tomorrow were something the world could do with a little more of.

He swallowed hard, holding back the tears that threatened to form in his eyes. "I think you might be right, Rocket."

"I usually am," she teased, hugging him back. "We can do it together."

"I wouldn't want it any other way."

Once the sun set beyond the horizon, Lily placed the first of the candles in its holder. Together, she and Levi recited the first two Hanukkah blessings. As Lily held the shamash candle, Levi carefully lit it. Together, they gently guided the helper candle to light the candle all the way to the right on the menorah and recited the third blessing. A somber tone filled their voices, knowing that while they were thanking God for keeping them alive and sustained, that sentiment couldn't be shared by all. They added their own fourth blessing: a prayer, a hope for peace for those living in turmoil.

Levi held his daughter lovingly in his arms as they watched the flickering flames of two small candles cast light around them. Even though they were only two, they still had the power to make a difference, and tonight they would focus on that. They would hope for better days and cherish what they had for as long as they could, vowing to carry the flame of hope with them through any darkness yet to come.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you found this to be a good representation of Levi and what he might be experiencing and feeling at this time!

Happy Hanukkah to all those who are celebrating!

(oh, and I finally named Levi and Laura's son Lucas, keeping with the L theme!)

[colealexart]

how did you first get into cr?

i can't remember if i've told this story on here before but here we go: i was really into the last of us, especially part 2. it came out just a couple weeks after my grandad died, so i was using that as a way to process my grief. probably not the best idea given the games themes, but hey.

shannon woodward (who plays dina) started streaming on twitch. i regularly watched her and became an active member of her community (and eventually became a mod) and the people in there would talk about this d&d show with ashley johnson and laura bailey that was on every thursday. i tried watching for ashley and laura, but i just wasn't into it. i couldn't really focus on 4-5 hours of people just sitting around a table playing dungeons and dragons (a game i'd never played before and didn't know the rules for.) the thought of having to watch hundreds of hours to catch up was daunting, even though i really really wanted to. i think i made it to episode 3 of campaign 2 and stopped.

a few friends who i gamed with (who are now my best friends) would talk about it constantly, and they eventually convinced me to try again. they told me about the animated recaps and said that the story really kicks off in the 20s so i was like fuck it. i had nothing else to do because we were in the middle of a pandemic, i was still grieving, and i had been looking for a show to put on in the background while i tried to work on my art. (tried being the key word here. i really was ready to give up on my art before i found critical role.)

anyway yeah, i became obsessed. i binged the entirety of campaign 2 in a few months. not only did i find joy in watching them play, but it pulled me out of my grief induced art block and helped me actually like what i was creating again.

i didn't get to watch the finale live, but i did watch it when i'd fully caught up and cried all the way through. i didn't realize just how attached i was to the characters until i didn't have them anymore. in a way, it helped me process my grief for my grandad. if i could say goodbye to them, i could say goodbye to him.

when campaign 3 started, i watched the premiere live but i said that there was no way i could stay up every week to watch it, since it airs at 3am here. i was very wrong lol. getting up at 3am on fridays is my favourite part of the week. and i'm very thankful for finding critical role when i did :)

[shorthaltsjester]

begging twitter to stop showing me tweets of people with no reading comprehension misrepresenting things I said but since i was going to make this more in-depth post Anyway .

when i say imogen is better read as a metaphor for generational trauma than she is a metaphor for queerness or chronic pain, i’m not talking about legitimate traits she has as a character. obviously she is queer. obviously she experiences some form of chronic pain (though i would argue her magic better suits chronic illness not pain because she states that it’s Not always painful, but it does always influence how she lives her life).

when i talk about how well she’s understood as a metaphor, i’m talking about when i’m looking at her as a part of a story, as an arc that i am witnessing rather than in the more typical fandom way of this is a fictional person who interacts with exandria as real people do. and that is a fun way to interact with characters, i enjoy it a lot! but when i say imogen (to me, as i for some reason have to clarify on my own blog which implies that these are my own opinions and not absolute fact that needs to be accepted by people on the internet with different experience and opinions than me) is best read as a metaphor for generational trauma, it isn’t a dismissal of her queerness or her illness, it’s just me thinking looking at her from that angle is more compelling.

imogen has been one of my favourite characters and least favourite characters in campaign 3 because i tend to analyse her through a lens of generational trauma and she ends up looking extremely familiar to me as someone with a family that carries their’s heavily which is as comforting as it is frustrating.

for me the main thing that looking at imogen through a queer lens of literary analysis fails to account for is harm. on the one hand - the harm that imogen experiences, not because of how people treat her for who she is, but that exists simply as a factor of her being ruidusborn. on the other hand a the harm that imogen causes. not to say that she is some malicious villain waiting for her chance to harm others, but that there are things about being ruidusborn that very much do incline her towards violence in a way that she might not otherwise be - i think about the conversation after she went nuclear and chet brought up people being scared of her connecting that to her father keeping distance. the only harm that queerness provides comes from society, and that isn’t the case in exandria. even metaphorically, the thing that society fears in ruidusborn people (while it has certainly been exacerbated by centuries of superstition and practices like we saw in zephrah) is a tangible threat. imogen’s magic when not controlled can wipe out a city block, but queerness poses no threat.

that’s why i’m not compelled by imogen’s backstory as a queer metaphor. not because i’m some imodna anti (i very emphatically am not but this fandom kinda makes me wish i was sometimes) or because i think exandria’s lack of homophobia/transphobia means that characters can’t be viewed through a queer lens or that critical role doesn’t contain some of the most compelling queer metaphor i’ve encountered. imogen just isn’t one of those characters, not because she isn’t queer, or because i think her story shouldn’t resonate with queer people, just because i find the generational trauma angle more consistent.

it’s similar with the chronic illness angle, which i will refer to as illness but you’re welcome to emphasise pain, we all have different vocabularies for the experiences we face. but just to give context i’m running off laura’s comparison of imogen’s powers to her own sensory issues and anxiety which while often Lead to pain, fall more into chronic illness in imogen’s context to me. and i do think there’s substantial comparison for imogen’s story as a metaphor for chronic illness, but i think that was much more true earlier in the campaign than it is looking at her from the current context. her beginning motivation being her search for knowledge about her powers really resonated with me as similar to someone experiencing symptoms of chronic illness but who could neither figure out how to treat them or what they were caused by.

but then imogen got more information, specifically about her mother, and her priority became not understanding her powers but understanding her current state as a person - how had she become the person she is, inclusive of her powers but very much emphasising her lack of a mother who became more and more present in the unweaving web of ruidusborn lore. that’s when i was less compelled by the chronic illness reading and more compelled by viewing her as a metaphor for generational trauma. had that not been enough on its own, imogen’s visit to relvin and her recent thoughts on her mother would be enough to convince me.

the part that makes me hesitant about this post is that generational trauma is so intensely linked to the contexts under which it is created and perpetuated. so i can’t really point to specific scenes as evidence of specific things that prove generational trauma is the most compelling and i don’t really want to unload that much of my own experience to clarify my thoughts on a character. but vaguely, i will say that imogen’s relationship with her parents is obviously the clearest source for my reading her as a metaphor for generational trauma. the fact that relvin, the only person in her family without the thing that draws society’s ire, is also the person that she has the most willing anger at is also indicative of this to me. in general, imogen’s rage that so easily transitions into sadness and vice versa comes out a lot in conversations about parents. most recently, i think about ashton’s lovely speech about found family and his distrust about parents and how as they were speaking, laura seemed to be playing imogen as sadly in thought versus months ago when fearnes parents showed up with striking similarities to liliana and imogen’s words of wisdom were let’s hurt them all.

and like. to me that angersadnessvengeancegrief is particularly evocative of the feelings that arise when you are in a family with generational trauma, especially when you are aware of it. because imogen can and has followed the logical steps that have led her and her family to where they are. early on when recounting her relationship with her dad she seemed wistful but understanding of the distance between them. in nearly every encountered with a parental figure imogen seems to be some level of distrusting for the most part, but she’s still holding out hope that her mother will see the good side. and further, there’s the complication of how dire her losing her powers seems to be, and how inextricable her powers are from every aspect of her life. she’s also southern and from a blue collar family. this means nothing except it also means a whole lot.

this is messy and not well organised but if you want a good essay you’re gonna have to pay me money for it but tldr: i say things i believe on my This Is My Opinion Blog and i don’t think i need to explain my thoughts to strangers on the internet but this was already half written in my drafts and if people are gonna shit on my opinions please at least do it in good faith and shit on my actual opinions not the ones you’ve decided i have.

[areyoudreaminof]

Dreams That Answer: A Feysand Playlist

Happy @officialfeysandweek2023! Day 1!

Would any of us be here were it not for Feysand? Would we be goofing around in this fandom if we didn’t love Feyre from the moment she took down the wolf? Would we be such simps if we hadn’t ever read, “Hello Feyre, darling.”? I love them. I love their journey and their growth. I love their blunders and mistakes. The very best kind of epic love story is the one that takes the most time and struggle, but defies all odds. Feyre and Rhys forever, baby! This is especially dedicated to the queen of all Feysand's @the-lonelybarricade.

If my initial character playlists for Feyre and Rhysand represent them as individuals before they meet each other, this playlist is when they come together. I wanted to show their strong bond and love for one another. So LISTEN HERE, and come on behind the cut for lyrics!

After Hours-The Weeknd

Thought I almost died in my dream again Fightin' for my life, I couldn't breathe again I'm fallin' in too deep Without you, I can't sleep 'Cause my heart belongs to you I'll risk it all for you I want you next to me This time, I'll never leave

Arabesque-Coldplay

I could be you, you could be me Two raindrops in the same sea You could be me, I could be you Two angles of the same view And we share the same blood

Holiest-Glass Animals & Tei Shi

Climb until you're getting high Be a part of the scene like you're living your dream Walk the room like you're on fire Like your chasing the truth, gripping tight to your youth

But you're the holiest thing I know Yes, you're the holiest thing, holiest thing I know

Eavesdrop-The Civil Wars

Let’s let the stars watch, let them stare Let the wind eavesdrop, I don’t care For all that we’ve got, don’t let go Just hold me I can’t pull you closer than this It’s just you and the moon on my skin Oh, who says it ever has to end?

Fade Into You-Mazzy Star

I wanna take the breath that's true I look to you and I see nothing I look to you to see the truth You live your life, you go in shadows You'll come apart and you'll go blind Some kind of night into your darkness Colored your eyes with what's not there

Night Terror-Laura Marling

If I look back and he is screaming I'd left him dreaming; a dangerous feat And I'll run back and shake him tightly And scream, "If they want him, oh, they're gonna have to fight me Oh, fight me"

Starry Eyed-Ellie Goulding

So we burst into colors, colors and carousels Fall head first like paper planes and playground games

Next thing, we're touching You look at me, it's like you hit me with lightning Oh, everybody's starry-eyed And everybody glows

Empire-Of Monsters and Men

I find comfort in the sound and the shape of the heart How it echoes through the chest from under the ground As the hills turn into holes, I fill them with gold Heavy stones fear no weather And from the rain Comes a river running wild that will create An empire for you Illuminate There's a river running wild that will create An empire for you

But You-Alexandra Savior

Speak soft, speak slight now, honey It feels a little empty in the night now, honey Drift back, drift right down on me I know that you can feel it 'Cause nobody else can heal it but you

Hold Back The River-James Bay

Lonely water, lonely water won't you let us wander? Let us hold each other Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes Hold back the river so I Can stop for a minute and be by your side Hold back the river, hold back

Only In My Dreams-The Maria's

Baby stay here The whispers in the trees Are getting near You're everything I need To bare this fear The demons in my bed They're always here It's only just a dream

Lips-Marian Hill

Overwhelmed, hazy eyes Staring at tinted skies And I like, what we do Running wild, just us two

Can't Deny My Love-Brandon Flowers

What's going on in your head now? Maybe something I said? I know that you've been living in the past

Locked up in your room is there any room for me? In the spoils of your mercy In the reverence of your bed In the cradle of the morning What was it that you said?

telepatia-Kali Uchis (please note, much of this song is in Spanish)

You know that I can see right through you I can read your mind, I can read your mind What you wanna do? It's written all over your face, times two 'Cause I can read your mind, I can read your mind I can hear your thoughts like a melody

Wild Green-Foals

Spring is on its way now, lilac April rain Mayfly spreads its wings at the end of a day Let me fold myself in the corner of a day Never leave, never leave, let me stay Let me lay my head down, let me while away Holding back the hours, I'll keep them all at bay Let me fold myself in the corner of a day Before the rain comes and washes us away

Sea of Love-Cat Power

Come with me, my love To the sea The sea of love I want to tell you How much I love you

Ultralife-Oh Wonder

Days passed slowly, lost and low You gave me hope and now there's only Blood running in my veins I've never been here before And I got love falling like the rain I never could've asked for more I got so much soul inside my bones Take a look at me now I'm young, forever in the sun

Cosmic Love-Florence + the Machine

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map And knew that somehow I could find my way back Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too So I stayed in the darkness with you

taglist: @wilde-knight @c-e-d-dreamer @climb-the-mountian @damedechance @eyllweambassador @gaeleria @itsthedoodle @kataravimes-of-the-shire @krem-does-stuff @kingofsummer93 @lidiacervos @labellefleur-sauvage @lucienarcheron @octobers-veryown @popjunkie42-blog @reverie-tales @rosanna-writer @spell-cleavers @separatist-apologist @thesistersarcheron @ultadverb @asnowfern @ablogofsapphicpanic @vulpes-fennec @velidewrites @melting-houses-of-gold @wittyrejoinder @bagelfyre @xtaketwox @brieq @thelovelymadone

[sky-is-the-limit]

The Abby hate in the show is unfortunately going to be worse because Pedro Pascal has a cult-like following. As much as I love him, I can’t stand some of his obsessive stans.

Like, I know it’s going to be bad because I’ve seen some of them hate on Maria this season for raising her (incredibly valid) concerns. Like, we all love Joel, but he ain’t a good guy and considering all she’s been told of course she’d be standoffish and Pedro stans couldn’t see from her perspective how much of a red flag he could be so they started hating on her.

And that’s Maria who is probably the most sane and least controversial character from the game so god knows what the Abby hate is going to be like after the golf scene because his fans are going to join the stans from the game who can’t get past it, only worse. My big hope is that in the show they tell the story chronologically so we see her story before she kills him, might soften some others up

I'm preparing to go to WAR for the actress who's gonna play Abby bc at the end of the day Abby isn't real, it's the actress who's gonna play her that I'm scared about especially after what Laura Bailey went through,

I know it's not Pedro's responsibility but I hope he protects her just like he does with Bella.

Honestly people who see the actors as the characters are the weakest link bc wtf.

Idk how they're gonna do it in the show, all I know is that I'll go to war for both Abby and the actress (Shannon I'm looking at you) that's gonna play her. Also the hate is gonna be double since toxic fans from the game will have to watch it in live action plus MANY people who never played the game before and just watched the show, it's gonna be a mess.

Abby defender till I die.

[plasmaspring]

Thinking about Logan makes me so sad. More than anyone else I think he is a character who was screwed by his own popularity. By any reasonable metric his story should have ended twenty years ago. He should have faded comfortably into the background to raise the next generation of children, to make sure none of them ever ever went through what he did. But instead, because he sells toys and comic books, and in universe he’s the best there is at what he does, he gets pushed into the spotlight again and again, living the same beats over and over.

The thing about Logan is that he absolutely doesn’t want to be a hero. Being a hero brings out the worst in him, puts him in situations that force him to surrender to the instincts he’s been fighting his entire life, puts him right back in his lifetime full of trauma and heartbreak and loss. What Logan wants to be is a father. He hasn’t always been a good one lord knows, but when he sees children he’s filled with this overwhelming love and compassion. He gives amazing hugs. He’s gruff and kind of tough love man but there is nothing he wouldn’t do for them. This is textually completely evident right from his first interaction with Kitty. He is absolutely more of a dad to her than her biological father. One of my absolute favorite scenes from Claremont UXM is the scene where he talks sense into colossus about breaking up with kitty because it shows absolutely how much of a priority this girl is for him, how deeply he hates seeing her hurt, and in his own way that is a deeply vulnerable thing for Logan to admit. And more than his relationship with these kids, being a father to them is the ultimate affirmation of the struggle against his trauma: weapons don’t have children, weapons don’t hold teenage girls tight when they go through a breakup that shatters their entire world, weapons don’t stay up worried sick wondering if they did the right thing or if they were too harsh. But Logan does. Because Logan’s not a weapon, he’s a man, and he’s a father with one of the kindest hearts on that team.

I’m sad for the Logan we could have had if the x men’s stories were allowed to end and they were allowed to be happy. I’m sad that Logan never got to host a board game night for kitty and her friends, never got to win monopoly by making the most devious trade you ever saw. I’m sad we never see Logan in the store worrying about which juice it is that Jubilee likes because she’s very particular about a certain flavor and she’s had a rough week. I’m sad that Logan doesn’t get to shelter Laura like he should have, that he doesn’t get to want to put her behind him and cut the hand off of anyone who even thinks about using her as a weapon, about putting her through more than she’s already been through. Im sad that he will never get to walk kitty down the aisle to marry the woman of her dreams with a tear rolling down his cheek that he tries so hard to hide. I’m sad that we don’t get to see Logan sit in a cozy armchair with his grandchildren on his lap, reading them a storybook that kitty wrote. I’m sad that he has to be thrust into the center of every event. I’m sad that he never ever gets to truly be at peace like he deserves.

[megaboy335]

Soaring Sky Precure and All Stars F Thoughts

The end of January is always a bittersweet time to be a Precure fan as the currently airing series comes to a close and the next series begins the following week at the first of February. I have been watching Precure on a weekly basis for 6 years ever since Hugtto in 2018 and I watched the entire backlog of episodes over roughly 2 years. I wanted to write a post about why All Stars F and Soaring Sky Precure were the perfect anniversary projects. The staple of any Precure milestone year is a new All Stars movie. They used to be yearly until there were simply too many characters to sustain the purpose of the format so now its saved for special occasions. I'll start by saying All Stars F was phenomenal! The action has never looked better and unlike Memories, it was almost completely in 2D. It's hard to miss when they distill the franchise into its purest form of magical girls beating monsters. The main point I want to focus on is the film's antagonist Cure Supreme.

(note the fake logo, Supreme is merely going through the motions) They are an unworldly existence who completely destroyed all the cures. Kind of like an end of series boss character. Yet on a whim Supreme wanted to learn more about where a Precure's strength comes from such as why did they try so hard. Supreme recreated earth, gave themselves a mascot, a ton of monsters to defeat including a boss figure, all to essentially live as the main character of a Precure series. It's a very cynical way of looking at the franchise with its repeatable formula. She sees all the parts as simply something they have. In the climax of the film Supreme is faced with Precure being more than the sum of its parts. They see the hardships, trials, moments of happiness, and the moments of sadness that have occurred in the history of the franchise. A Precure is someone who puts their best foot forward and looks to make a better tomorrow regardless of any obstacles. By splitting part of their power into a mascot and trying to imitate being a cure, Supreme has already taken the first step of their redemption story. In the end, All Stars F uses Supreme to show the audience why Precure is such a long lasting franchise. It might be a repeatable formula, it might appear silly, but ultimately what defines a Precure is someone giving it all their to improve themselves. That is something that can resonate and inspires an audience of all ages which even Supreme is not immune from. The film concludes with Supreme and they're mascot Puka realizing that perhaps together there is more to life when they share experiences.

(Manatsu grinning with happiness as her first encounter with Laura replays before their eyes. You can feel how proud she is of having a friend like Laura. It completely changed the trajectory of her life for the better) If All Stars F is a refresher of Precure's overarching themes, then Soaring Sky Precure is a throwback to the duo dynamic of the early days with a theme of Heroes. We have the central duo of Sora and Mashiro. Sora is an outsider and the team lead. She befriends Mashiro, the human character, who is a kind person who doesn't always have the best self confidence. Together they teach other how to exert themselves more. Both Mashiro and Sora come to learn how acts of kindness come in many forms. Similarly, Tsubasa (first male cure, aspiring knight) and Ageha (adult, nursery school teacher) form a secondary duo. They're mostly stuck in supporting roles for most of the series, but both show anyone can embody the qualities of a Precure in their life. Super heroes don't always wear fleshly capes after all. Elle is a somewhat of a throwback to Luminous as a supernatural entity in the group. She's mostly the insert character for Precure's young target demographic. By becoming Cure Noble it adds to the idea of people in supporting roles being heroes in their own right. Even if they are fallen nobility. Precure's don't let their past define them. This brings us to the main antagonist Kaiserin. If Sora finds positivity from those around her, then Kaiserin is her foil as someone who has a pure heart but became tainted by negative surrounding circumstances. Kaiserin had been told over and over that strength is everything. These ideals were forced upon her through fabricated events. At the climax with Kaiserin wavering, the dark power went into Sky because surely a hero with strong convictions would desire the ultimate power at all costs to save a friend. But turns out Sora's bond with Mashiro is even stronger than that. Power for powers sake can only go so far and Mashiro never stopped believing in Sora. They both push each other to new heights that senseless strength could never obtain. Kasarin sees this and rejects the power. Giving in to those desires has only stunted her ability to cultivate relationships. She can now get a second chance with her loyal followers now seeking to redeem themselves as well.

The franchise began as "Futari wa Precure" (We are Precure) for a reason. It's about how people can connect and push each other. Whether its someone from another world and a human on earth, an alien being destructive powers, or.... a dog and her pet owner? Sometimes the larger group dynamic and gimmick is more important in modern precures, but going back to those roots from Futari wa Precure every once in awhile is a good reminder of how it runs through every installment to this day. Tldr - I'm thinking way to hard about a children's television series whose main goal is selling toys. We're lucky it consistently has such strong character writing. I really like when the lead can shout their dream at every turn and grows to embody that ideal. We got spoiled by having a full 50 episode series this year. The power of 4 cour is amazing. Late night anime could only dream of having that much time.

[annalebeaus]

The way comics never really delve into the mental side of Rogue’s powers is something that bothers me and because of that a lot of people still don’t realize how much they affect her. The struggle Rogue has with her powers is one of the main reasons why I love her so much because it is something that makes her so relatable. Her character has always been very neurodivergent coded and I wish comics actually took the time to explore that but since they didn’t (yet) I thought I would make a small explanation post for all of us to appreciate her.

I’m sure all of you know this by now but let’s start with the basics. Rogue’s mutant power is absorbing people. She can absorb memories, life force and (if they have any) powers. The longer she absorbs someone, the stronger the absorption is -which can even lead to a coma. She used to do it by touch and couldn’t touch anyone because of it but in Mr. & Mrs. X her powers evolved and she can now absorb people from a certain distance.

A really important detail in Rogue’s power is that the psyches of the people she absorbs (think of it like a copy of them) remains inside her mind and sometimes if the absorption is strong, they can even take control of her body.

Rogue’s powers first showed themselves when she was just a child. Not only she accidentally put the first boy she kissed to a coma but she also took on his psyche. What happened is traumatizing enough (and it shows itself through her romantic life, the way she always keeps pushing Remy away) but the overlooked psyche part? There is something so tragic about the fact that Rogue started absorbing people so young because now, as a grown up, she can never know or be sure of who she would be without her powers affecting her or how much of her decisions were really her own. She lost her childhood and perhaps herself that day with a single kiss.

After this Rogue runs away from home and gets adopted by Mystique and Destiny. Now we all know her moms love her but they didn’t really raise her in a healthy environment. They used her powers and considering the people they were fighting with, I’m pretty sure the people Rogue absorbed weren’t all that nice.

The first person Rogue absorbs completely and takes powers of permanently is Carol Danvers. After that incident, Rogue goes to X-Men for help to get control.

Rogue (2001) is a really good comic that focuses on that time period and we actually get to see what inside of her mind looks like & what she goes through on the daily.

Xavier tries to help her but it is exhausting to put a single brick, yet alone build an entire wall to keep out the voices.

She eventually gets better control but people she absorbed still affects her without her even realizing from going to another city to make sense of what’s going on to something as simple as a dessert choice.

Like I also said at the beginning; the people she absorbed can get control of her body without her consent as well.

It is terrifying to think about it. Absorbing everyone’s memories (good and bad) and having to live with them, having nightmares, having them change you in small and big ways, be in constant fear of them taking control of you… it is a lot.

I didn’t even touch on her touching problem but with all this, it is obvious control is the most important thing to her. It has to be, because without it, she is in danger of losing herself. So what could be even worse?

Yup. Like I mentioned at the beginning, in Mr. & Mrs. X her powers evolve.

And yes later on she learns how to get control but it is important to add that she never got perfect control. She has to make a conscious effort of stop herself to absorb others at every second (ex. Remy asking if she is in control before getting close and Laura being able to give her healing powers to her via touch when Rogue was unconscious in the last Captain Marvel arc)

All of these here doesn’t even touch the surface. Rogue is a very complex character even though people don’t even realize it -which I don’t blame them for because a lot of media and comics only portray her as a flying, invulnerable, super strong superhero without any actual emotional storytelling-. Rogue struggles constantly with mental health and her emotions.

Now this part is just me headcanoning because there is no confirmation or whatever from Marvel (and honestly its a little bit me making up excuses) but I always thought of Rogue’s short-temper, the lack of emotion and cold behaviour related to this. Especially considering how in Mr. & Mrs. X they show her lose control when she feels extreme fear (I think it can apply to any other emotion as well), that cold facade is how she has to be. But like I said, this is just something I theorized that I wish Marvel would confirm but honestly? I don’t really see it happening.

I’m ending this post with one of my favourite Rogue moments that showcases how strong she actually is from Rogue & Gambit (2018).

So yes, Rogue is amazing and the absolute best superhero to me. She is also one of the strongest not because of her powers but because she goes through this (and more) every day and yet still chooses to be kind and good and it is just… so incredibly inspiring.

[buckybarnesss]

Oh hey, it's me again. While I was up half the night, I thought of something I wanted to ask you because it's been kicking around my head for a while.

Back before the reveal that Derek is a True Alpha, a lot of my fellow Derek stans were irritated by the True Alpha thing because the implication we all got from the show was that Talia died and and then Laura inherited her Alpha powers. So, wouldn't that make her a True Alpha, or did that mean that she mercy-killed her mother to become an Alpha? We didn't know but we were salty.

So, what is your headcanon? Do you think Laura killed her mom, a random Alpha, or did the Alpha spark just go from mother to daughter?

The more I think about it, the more unsure I am - as far as I remember, there is nothing in the show that explicitly says that Laura was MEANT to become an Alpha. It's implied for sure (although I maintain that if Derek had more time then he would have done better) but really, we're all staring at shadows.

@dear-massacre getting me long winded about teen wolf's concept of power transfer.

a lot of the confusion the whole true alpha concept caused amongst fandom is because power transfer in teen wolf isn't understood very well by fandom. not entirely our fault either as the information is scattered throughout the show.

there are three ways to become an alpha: inheritance (laura), kill for it (peter) or create it (scott).

so first let me explain true alphas. a true alpha is so rare because the only way to become one is to transform your own spark through sheer force of willpower.

this is what scott does.

scott's special circumstances are more so his own lived in experiences and traumas than anything else. he may have also drawn upon the telluric energy that flows through beacon hills but that's less important to the concept.

look at what deaton says in currents:

"it's rare. it's something that doesn't happen within 100 years,  but every once in a while, a beta can become an alpha without having to steal or take that power. they call it a true alpha. it's one who rises purely on the strength of character, by virtue, by sheer force of will."

to me, the idea that one cannot have killed or cannot kill at all, or that there's some conditional to it other than one's own willpower is the mythos surrounding true alphas.

just like with eye color changes morality has nothing to do with it therefore this doesn't exclude derek from becoming a true alpha later.

this is what i believe caused the most ranker amongst fandom because it drove the division between scott and derek further framing scott as more pure or whatever when it simply isn't the case.

just because a character says it doesn't make it true. peter and morrell have their own reasons and motivations for saying such things.

derek witnessed scott become an alpha under his own willpower. therefore derek knows it can be done and understands it as a possibility.

take that with the idea that a lot of teen wolf's supernatural rules run on the concept of belief.

if you believe therefore it is.

than it's entirely within the realm of possibly that derek could become a true alpha.

derek may not have done it on purpose but because of his own knowledge and belief it can be done his spark recharged itself by drawing on his own willpower and may have even been enhanced by the telluric energy from the nemeton itself.

but i also don't believe derek is dead and instead captured by the nogitsune as a lure for stiles but you know whatever.

now what does any of this have to do with laura?

laura was meant to become talia's successor. her sole appearance in visionary confirms this for me. she was the one who went to the werewolf summit with talia and she was the one who told derek that the other packs were in town. laura was the one cora was clearly expecting to be the hale alpha she'd heard about and not derek. peter also knew it was laura that had to lure to beacon hills despite being in a coma for six years.

going off how i understand how power works within the universe laura inherited the talia's alpha spark when talia died because it works the same way as liam or hayden inheriting scott's alpha spark or malia taking part of corinne's power when she was born.

see, peter could never steal scott's alpha spark because scott created it. it's unique and incompatible with anyone who isn't scott or who wasn't created with that spark.

the only people in canon who can inherit scott's alpha spark are liam and hayden. they could then be killed for it however.

to add another example into the mix here, malia was born with a piece of corinne's spark which made her a werecoyote.

laura was born with a piece of talia's spark which made her a werewolf and not just human.

being first born may just have put her first in line when talia died which is why she was the one trained by talia to take over.

this is how i believe supernatural creatures continue to propagate by birth and not just by transmission. our sample size is small though so it's hard to say for absolute certain.

we just don't know conclusively the effect the father has on if a child is born supernatural as we don't know anything about derek, cora and laura's father and both malia's parents are supernatural with her mother's species winning out.

so standing hypothesis is that it may be something that can only be inherited from the mother. this idea would add another contrast to the argents and hales. the argents giving lip service to being matriarchal while the hales were truly matriarchal in that their power comes from their mothers.

it could also be why peter was so resentful of talia (and to some extent laura). he wouldn't inherit the alpha spark when their alpha parent died as he was the younger sibling and once she had children it wouldn't go to him either because they carried part of her spark.

in conclusion:

[a-strange-inkling]

Could we have a oneshot about in OH universe Jealous!Chrissy X Paige X Eddie :D We've seen his reaction about Jason but we never see Chrissy's about Eddie's old hook up's or exes <3

Hi! I’d love to write something like that, but I probably won’t implement Paige or any Flight of Icarus to the Old Haunts universe until I’ve read the book. I want to get a feel of her character first before deciding. But, Eddie’s got enough flings pre 1986, so they definitely run into one or two of his exes and hookups over the years, so we’ll see her reaction to that.

For the most part, especially by 1995, they don’t really get too jealous, they never give one another a reason to be. It does happen, they’re human, but there’s this deep level of trust and loyalty to one another. Jason, of course, popping up at Laura’s funeral is a special case in more ways than one.

Kind of related (not really, sorry, but it’s something 😭) I have bits of a not fully conceptualized oneshot exploring their jealousy and how they’re both so different handling it. It’s during one of their biggest fights while living in Chicago, they’re both still young and Eddie’s career is picking up and Chrissy’s going through one of her low times. It roots up Eddie’s jealousy of watching Chrissy with Jason from afar for three years and Chrissy’s the more she learns about the girls he’s been with (some she even remembers/noticed him with in high school 🤭)

Eddie’s more outwardly jealous between the two, running hot and loud (as we’ve seen). He stews internally until he eventually erupts. Whereas, Chrissy gets quiet and depressed, she’ll go into her own head and clam up tight. Which honestly drives Eddie crazy, especially the silent treatment. He’d rather she stab him in the foot or something than not talk to him. With all her insecurities and self deprecation, it’s way too easy for her to think that he won’t want her anymore and leave her for someone more beautiful and exciting. It’s been locked in her whole life by her mother and it’s a hard thing to work past for her.

Here’s a bit of it:

1989

Chicago, Illinois

He’s slumped on the couch watching the moving shadows from the traffic lights outside faze over the ceiling, one leg hanging over the edge, swinging back and forth in slow simmering agitation.

It’s dumb. He’s not really waiting up for her, it’s like only four minutes after eight when he hears her unlock the front door. She said she’d be out till around eight thirty so she’s actually early. He hasn’t even put Livvy to bed yet. She’s on her tummy, chewing on her rubber panda in her playpen. She seems content, but she knows something is amiss, she keeps glancing up at him with her big chocolate eyes in a ‘You alright over there?´ sort of way. She’s already asked like six times for the last three hours her mother’s been away.

“Otay Daddy?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, bug.”

“You otay?”

“I’m okay.”

…

“Otay, Daddy?”

“I’m fine, baby.”

…

“Daddy sad?”

“No, I’m not sad, Livvy.”

“Otay.”

“Thanks for checking.”

…

“…Daddy otay?”

“Yes! Yes! Daddy is okay, Olivia!”

“Otay.”

He glances at Chrissy when she steps inside, hoping maybe her spirits are a little lifted with some time away to clear her head. Nancy’s in town, so Robin and Vickie picked her up so they all could go out for dinner and drinks. She keeps her back to him while she hangs her keys.

“Hi.” he greets.

“Hi.” she answers tonelessly, not meeting his gaze when she turns around.

Eddie wilts, if anything, she looks even more upset. God, did she tell them? Did they spend the whole night dissecting the situation? Why is Nancy always around when he fucks up?

“So uh how was it?”

“Fine.” she replies faintly.

God. Just fucking kill him now. He hates this.

She’s not even dressed all that wild, maybe a little more sexy than usual, with the strapless floral blue dress that shows off her legs with an oversize jean jacket and her heels. Jesus God! It doesn’t matter, Chrissy could be wearing an old potato bag and she’d still get attention. He can only imagine how many stupid fucking frat boys hit on her tonight and after the incident she probably let a few of them too.

Okay fine… she wouldn’t do that, no matter how angry she is with him… but they still would try and his red hot jealousy is still flaring at just the idea of it. It only makes it worse that she’s not vying for a reaction. Not trying to get back at him.

“How’s the girls?” he asks.

“Good.” She supplies, walking past him toward their daughter. Livvy climbs up quickly to her feet using the railing of her playpen, reaching for her to pick her up.

“Hi Mama! Mama!” she exclaims in delight, turning to Eddie. “Mama home!”

“I see her, bug.” His smile is a little tight as he tries to catch her eyes, tries to reach her.

“Hi, sweetie,” Chrissy sings gently with a little smile, lifting their toddler up in her arms and walking toward the bathroom, leaving him alone to pout after her in the small living space. “Were you a good girl?”

“Yea!”

“Good.”

“Missed you, Mama,” Livvy continues to babble, leaning her head against her shoulder. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too, sweetheart.” Chrissy replies, letting her sit on the counter of the sink to watch her take off her makeup.

Eddie rises to his feet with a long sigh and follows, scratching the back of his neck as he comes to stand in the entrance, leaning against the frame.

“Pwetty,” Livvy reaches up to touch her face in marvel, her dark eyes fixated on her. “Pwetty, pwetty, pwetty,” her little fingers pet her golden waves. Chrissy’s smile is melancholy as she kisses her forehead.

“Thank you, baby.”

She is pretty, the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, he wants to tell her that. She still hasn’t looked at him, keeping her gaze on her reflection as she cleans off her eye shadow and mascara.

“Mama sad.” Livvy says, studying her. “Sad Mama?”

“I’m okay, Livvy,” she tells her, giving her a bigger smile, but it still doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Mama sad.” His little girl snaps her head at him sharply, eyes big and worried. What did you do? Fix it!

“I’m trying, bug,” he breathes out. “Mama’s not talking to me.”

Chrissy looks skyward in mild irritation, lashes fluttering closed. She leans down to rinse her face.

“Talk Mama?” Livvy turns back to Chrissy, tugging at her dress. “Talk?”

“…Not tonight, baby,” she sighs, picking her back up. “Too tired.”

“Tired?” she repeats in contemplation. “Bed time?”

Chrissy hums a little yeah as she turns, waiting expectantly for Eddie to move out of her way.

He doesn’t.

“Tired, Daddy.” Olivia informs him from where she sits on her hip. “Mama tired, bedtime”

He gives his little intercessor a sad half smile. “Thanks anyway, baby girl.” She tried her best for him. “Chrissy…”

“I’m going to put her down for the night.” she informs him, eyes on his shoulder.

“…Okay.” He touches the bend of her arm, looking for her again, but she’s always been much too good at hiding from him when she wants to. “I mean, I can, if you want to change or—”

“No, I want to.” she whispers, pushing gently past him.

Give her space.

She said she wanted space.

[buckyseddie]

tragic endings

pairings — logan (james) howlett x fem!human!reader

summary — in which, after she takes in a young, troubled mutant in and vows to protect her from all dangers that she seems to be in, she meets the famously-brooding wolverine, who unexpectedly changes her life.

word count — 16.2k.

warnings — mentions of reader suffering through parental neglect and abuse as a child and having LOADS of trauma (LOTS of heavy hints of ptsd too!), mentions of reader taking some lives in order to protect laura and carrying a LOT of guilt, ANGST (obviously, because this isn't a happy ending type of fic), some fluff in it though, reader's in her early twenties, character death and self-sacrifice, equal pining, kisses, use of pet-names [kid, sweetheart, doll], mentions of the reader being depressed and having anxiety and also being suicidal / wanting to die, also a little bit of logan and the reader posing as laura's parents, reader has abandonment and codependency issues, reader also has raging anger issues.

notes — i have one word to describe this fic: long. it is going to be VERY long. also, i love that i finally finish this right as i find out that my grandma passed away... we love grief! gif and divider creds to owner!

p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3.

main masterlist

IT'S SORT OF... COMPLICATED. ALL she knows, is that she feels something — something she can't quite explain — for the little girl that has suffered through so much pain and loss.

how could someone who suffered through so much pain at the hands of her own parents could become a motherly figure to a misunderstood little girl? well, maybe it's just because she couldn't help it.

she may have had a rough childhood, but [y/n] could just feel it in her heart that laura needed someone to show her that she mattered — that she was worth the hard journey of making it out of everything alive.

so, is it really that hard to see why she would do anything to get her safe? even go to the older, grumpy — clearly retired — wolverine for help?

"look, kid. you seem like you've got good intentions. but, i can't afford to have anymore trouble by helping you and the girl out." logan grumbles, after laura had arrived to knock out the asshole that dared try to mess shit up for him, charles, and caliban.

[y/n] sighs, trying to keep an eye on laura, who has just now begun to walk over to charles. "i can't say i don't get it. because... i do," she sympathetically states, understanding that he just wants to be left alone from all the danger that being a mutant brings.

with another sigh, she watches the young girl interact with charles with a sense of comfort, before turning back to face the older man, who's been watching her warily. "look, i know she's not my daughter — not by blood. but, i love her like she's my own. and she doesn't deserve to be hunted down and killed like a monster. she's done nothing wrong."

"so, i'm only asking you to get us somewhere safe, where we can travel away from on our own. i'll pay you whatever and however much you want. but, i'm not abandoning her — i'm going to protect her with everything i have, for as long as possible."

there's a moment of silence as he doesn't say anything. but, after realizing that his silence is his answer, [y/n] nods wordlessly, trying not to get emotional over the fact that she and laura are on their own to find somewhere safe for them to go.

"right. like i said, i get it." she mumbles, sighing.

an unexpected look of regret flashes in logan's eyes, but [y/n] doesn't see it, due to motioning for laura to come over to her.

a look of disappointment takes over the little girl's expression as [y/n] turns back to face the wolverine. "look, i'm sorry for bothering you about this. clearly... this was both a mistake and a waste of time." she murmurs as laura comes up from behind her and grabs her hand.

"and i hope these guys," she stops to point to the unconscious man still lying on the ground. "don't give you any more trouble."

he sighs and nods, still watching her warily as he begins to wonder why a human would risk so much — and her life — just to protect this little girl that he's been growing more curious about by every passing second.

he also finds her a little bit annoying, but nevertheless, it's all the same amount.

with no other words being said between them, [y/n] gives him a forced and fake smile, hoping that she doesn't make him feel guilty for not being able to help them, as she gently tugs on laura's hand to tell her that it's time for them to go.

as they walk further away, logan begins to wonder if he made a mistake — for not agreeing to help them.

after all, it's always been a first instinct and part of his nature to help and protect people. or at least, when he had been part of the x-men team.

—————

THE NEXT TIME THEY MEET, it's a few days later — after logan, charles, and caliban had been attacked by the group called alkali-transigen for the second time.

caliban had been captured by this group, while logan and charles were able to escape in logan's crappy limo-like car.

the two men had found laura and [y/n] sitting in an alley. laura was fast asleep, lying her head on the older woman's shoulder.

[y/n] shivers, tugging the tiny blanket further over laura's sleeping form as the sound of the limo pulls up near the entrance.

worried that they're found again by the cruel men that just wouldn't leave them alone, [y/n] cautiously pops open an eye, brows furrowing. she leans forward, trying to get a better look.

but, she stops suddenly as she notices logan stepping out of his car, confusion filled on his face. "logan? w—what are you doing here?"

"kid, why didn't you tell me that you guys didn't have anywhere else to go?" he asks her once he gets to the actual entrance of the alley.

she shrugs, sitting up now as she tries to ignore the cold weather. "i could tell you didn't want to be bothered. i thought it would've just been easier if i lied." she murmurs, stopping completely as laura begins to stir a bit in her sleep.

once the young girl has stopped moving in her sleep completely, [y/n] impulsively decides to move to stand up, in order to give the young girl all the room she needs.

so, within a few cautious and quiet seconds, she slowly moves herself away and moves laura to the side, before placing her jacket under her head to use as a pillow.

with a prolonged, nervous sigh, [y/n] then takes in a relieved inhale as the little girl falls right back to sleep without any further disturbance.

"you know, if i knew you guys had nowhere else to go... " logan trails off when she turns to finally face him.

with another sigh leaving her, [y/n] lightly grabs onto his arm — in which, who flinches for more than a second — before leading him over to the front of his parked car.

"look, logan. we both know that you probably would have still said no." she murmurs, making sure to keep an eye on laura every few seconds while speaking with him.

logan sighs, knowing that she is right — no matter how many times he wishes to believe otherwise.

but, there's also another part of him that knows that he would probably help her and laura in a heartbeat, if he weren't growing slowly weak every day. but, he is — it both slows him down and makes it hard for him to help them to his full potential.

he opens his mouth to say something, but charles, who'd rolled down his window from inside the car before and heard the twos' conversation, interrupts him, "logan, they need our help — we should help them."

with a small smile almost curving onto her lips, [y/n] sighs. she knows that she can't just drag him and logan into this. it just wouldn't be fair.

"no, please. it's really alright. i don't want to put you guys in this complicated situation." she murmurs, just as laura stirs again in her sleep.

charles shrugs his shoulder, as if he wouldn't mind if they got dragged into it. but, then again, he's never been one to turn down the chance to help others when they need it.

"really, guys... it's okay. laura and i will manage on our own." she murmurs as she turns to walk back over to the little girl and gently and carefully pick her up.

as she faces them and walks back over to logan with laura still in her arms, covered up in both [y/n]'s jacket and blanket, logan furrows his brows. "are you sure?"

the concern in his voice shocks her, but she waves it off as him just trying to be polite. "y—yeah. we'll be fine." she nods, gulping down her pride as she lies through her teeth, once again.

in a way, she's grateful that he'd said earlier that he couldn't help her and the girl. i mean, [y/n] is the type of person to deal with her own issues and problems by herself, instead of choosing to burden people with them — her words, not mine.

her going to logan for help was really just a moment of weakness. she was desperate — only wanting to do whatever she could to try every possibility that would protect laura and get them anywhere safe.

truthfully, the main reason why she's lying to them about really needing their help, is the fact that she feels guilty — it's already obvious that logan feels regretful that he didn't agree to help them.

and guilt-tripping them — mostly logan — that was never her intention. so, if she has to lie to make him feel better about the situation, then that's what she's going to do.

"you don't have to lie, [y/n]. there's nothing wrong with admitting when you need help." charles tells her from his side of the open window.

the young woman mentally slaps her hand to her forehead in irritation over forgetting that the extremely older man is psychic.

she stutters, hating that she can't hide the truth from them. "i... i just don't want to be a burden. and... i don't know what i'd do if either of you got seriously hurt because you guys decided to help us — everyone gets hurt when they get involved with me."

with a relentless sigh, logan simply nods to the car. "we'll figure it out, okay? just get in."

she hesitates for a moment, wondering if dragging them into this mess is really the right answer.

after all, she knows that if either of them gets hurt — in any way — because of her, she'll never forgive herself.

but, as laura recklessly jumps down from [y/n]'s arms, causing a shocked gasp to leave her, and runs over to the other door opposite of the one charles is sitting behind, she sighs.

both [y/n] and logan share a look of a tiny bit of amusement.

with a tired yawn, she shrugs her shoulder, knowing that she won't be able to change the little girl's mind now as she opens the door and slides in.

"i... guess laura would like to take you guys up on that offer. so, i'm not really in a place to say no now." she mutters as logan leads her to the front of the car.

if only they had known all the bigger trouble they'd all have to endure in the future, all because they allowed the possibility of helping them become a reality.

—————

AFTER MANY DIFFERENT NIGHTS OF passing through different towns, logan finally stops at a gas station that's in the middle of nowhere.

[y/n] follows laura over to one of the electric horses, while logan and charles stay back in the car. as she leads laura up and over the horse to sit down, [y/n] places some quarters into the machine.

"there you go," she murmurs, giving the younger girl a warm smile. "now, i'm going inside to use the bathroom. i'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"

the girl silently nods as [y/n] hesitates to leave her alone.

but, nevertheless, after realizing that, not only are they all in the clear — for now — but logan and charles will surely watch her for a few minutes, while she's in the bathroom.

with the positive thoughts swirling around in her head, [y/n] finally walks over to the door, before walking inside.

after asking the person at the front of the store where the bathroom is, he points in the direction of where it is, and [y/n] races off in that direction in a hurry as she really needs to use the bathroom.

the young woman tries to pee as fast as she can, considering that they're all still on the run and practically fugitives at this point.

then, as she walks over to the sink, she rinses off and washes her hands. but, as she sees all the blood — from the previous days of running into trouble with the group that had started all of this — dried up on both her hands, arms, and face, panic begins to quickly sink in.

to protect laura, [y/n] had to take extra precautions and do whatever she could, to do just that.

not only had she been injured, but she had also had to do two things she'd always said she'd never do — learn how to shoot guns and really any other weapons, all the while also having to take some lives.

it was self-defense, of course. but, still.

the guilt and trauma she's endured because of the fact that she's killed some people... well, it's taken too much of a toll on her.

all she kept thinking was, how can i live with myself, after all the things i've done?

she still thinks this as she tensely and harshly tries to scrub all the blood away.

[y/n] has always dealt with self-image issues and her internal hatred for herself — especially, with growing up in the toxic household that she had as a kid. but, this? it's extra new and multiplied now.

shaky breaths and unshed tears escape her as she looks up at herself in the mirror this time.

but, just before the negative thoughts can become any worse, there's a knock on the bathroom door.

[y/n]'s head snaps up in the direction of the door, more panic filling her. "just a minute!" she yells to the person on the other side of the door as she tries to scrub harder to get the blood off.

her breaths become more panicked as logan's voice speaks up from outside. "[y/n], i'm coming in."

her eyes widen in both surprise and shock. as the door slowly opens, she panics and turns around, so that she's leaning against the sink and is hiding her hands behind her back.

just as he walks inside, [y/n] lets out a shaky, "h—hey. is everyone... ready to go?"

however, logan doesn't reply to her. he only steps closer to her as he crosses his arms over his chest with confusion swirling around in his eyes. "what's going on? did something happen?"

she abruptly shakes her head, dipping her head down to avoid showing any weakness. "everything's f—fine."

"don't lie to me. what's going on?" he asks her once more, stepping even closer to her, to the point of them only being a few inches away from each other.

with a sigh of defeat, [y/n] shakily pulls her hands out from behind her back. "i... i can't get the blood off — their blood. it won't come off." she whispers shakily.

he frowns, stepping even closer to her.

the young woman's breath catches in her throat as the space between them decreases by every passing second.

though, the concerned look in his eyes scares [y/n].

as someone who's never experienced someone worrying about her and her well-being in her entire life, just the thought of someone actually taking care of her, terrifies her, to be completely honest.

they stare at each other for a long moment, before logan slowly reaches for a paper towel and moves over closer to one of the sinks and turns it on to run the paper towel through some water. then, he brings the towel back to her and starts to gently scrub her hands and arms.

within a few minutes, he has successfully gotten the blood off of her hands, arms, and face. as he throws the paper towel away, her gaze softens as he steps away from her to give her her space.

"t—thank you." she murmurs raspily, trying to act as if she hadn't let him see her in such a vulnerable state.

he simply nods hesitantly, now stuck in his thoughts.

when they had first met, he — no matter how many times he's tried to ignore it — had become just slightly curious about her.

but, now? he can't help but find himself completely consumed with the feeling of concern and curiosity over her.

after another long moment of them just looking at one another, [y/n] finally snaps herself out of her daze, shaking her head in silent embarrassment. "i... i think i'm going to find laura and get back to the car. i think i've been in here long enough, right?" she tries to crack a joke, desperately needing to change the subject.

logan nods once more, before motioning to the door as he waits for her to leave first.

once she's officially out of the bathroom and through the hall, he follows after her.

though, before either of them can actually leave the building, both adults find them watching a very shocking scene playing before them.

laura has her claws grown out of her skin, and she holds down the current worker of the small gas station, an angry look placed on her face.

"oh, god..." [y/n] trails off, sharing a similar expression with logan.

as the young girl yells out, [y/n] snaps her head towards that direction and her eyes widen in shock and surprise.

then, she races over to the two of them, and gently pulls laura away from the man. her grasp immediately falls away from the man's when [y/n]'s gentle touch connects with her body.

"laura!" she murmurs in a slight lecturing tone, though it's still gentle. "you can't do stuff like that. you can't hurt innocent people, okay? you understand me?"

after a moment, the little girl finally nods and in a matter of seconds, her claws retract back into the skin of her knuckles.

[y/n] sighs in relief, before leading her back to the car, while logan stays inside for a few more minutes.

later that night, they arrive at a hotel. both [y/n] and laura fall fast asleep the second they reach their bed.

logan, however, struggles to stay asleep.

—————

SHE WAKES UP IN THE middle of the night, breathless gasps and hyperventilating breaths leaving her.

as she continues to struggle to breathe, she notices the little girl, who’s lying beside her, is still fast asleep. 

she runs a shaky hand through her slightly knotted up and greasy hair as her heart begins to beat faster than ever and her breaths become much more panicked. 

if only she didn’t have that nightmare — of all the lives she’s taken to protect laura. it’s a relentless, repetitive terrifying dream that she has been having almost every night, ever since it happened.

with another moment of her panicking state becoming much more worse, she shakily and quietly — as much as she can — takes off her blanket and rushes off in the direction of the bathroom. 

too buried deep in her panicked thoughts and the flashbacks that the nightmare has provided for her, she doesn’t even notice the wolverine sitting in the other room that leads to the bathroom.

she only stumbles into the bathroom and quietly shuts the door. 

as she slides down the door, she doesn’t even realize that the light is still off. she’s only focused on trying to not go into full panic mode, or worse, slip off of the edge and begin to have a panic attack. 

but, it’s quite too late for that.

she’s already slipping and losing all of her control over her breathing. another painful and breathless sob leaves her lips and her head falls to lean against the door as she clenches her eyes shut. 

the tears fall carelessly down her cheeks and she cries out in frustration. god, she hates crying. it has always made her feel weak.

she shakily stands up as she quickly flicks the light switch on. but, as she looks into the mirror and sees her wrecked appearance, another shaky breath escapes her lips. 

[y/n]’s brows furrow and more tears cloud her eyes.

then, out of nowhere, she slams her hands down onto the counter repeatedly. the loathing hatred she feels for herself grows and grows by every passing second. 

more tears blur her vision, the shaky breaths still leaving her lips.

though, before she can panic even more, there’s a light knock on the other side of the door. 

“kid? everything okay in there?” logan’s voice calls out through the door and it — fortunately — snaps [y/n] out of her panicked daze. at least, for the moment. 

“w—what?” she stutters out in an answer to his question. she holds her breath as she waits for him to say what he wants to.

“are you okay?” 

the tone of concern shocks [y/n] as she chokes on her answer, “y—yeah, i’m… uh, i’m fine.” 

there’s only silence for the first few minutes. but then, suddenly, the door knob is being turned and logan is slowly entering.

he shuts the door behind him as he turns to face her with crossed arms and a look as if to say, 'i know you’re not fine'.

“i know you’re lying. why can’t you sleep?”

she stays silent, eyes falling to the floor as she leans against the counter. 

“well?” he asks, causing her to snap her head back up at him.

“it’s nothing… i—” she abruptly cuts herself off, inhaling deeply. she dips her head down in shame as she tries to calm herself down.

"i just... had another nightmare. that's all." she mumbles as she lifts her head back up to look at him.

he sighs with a nod. "do you wanna talk about it?" he asks, not being able to help but feel a little worried about her.

as she notices this look on his face, something in her brings her butterflies. [y/n] gulps nervously, before shaking her head.

despite, trusting him now — a bit more than she had before — she just can't let him in, yet. and she knows that he can understand that more than anyone else.

he nods.

silence fills the room as they stare at each other with different emotions consuming them.

while logan still feels a bit worried about her well-being, [y/n] watches him with a wary expression, trying to figure him out.

"well, um... thank you — for checking in on me. but, i promise, i'm okay," she murmurs, anxiously running a hand through her tangled-up hair. "i'm always okay."

despite, [y/n] sounding really genuine, logan doesn't believe her for a second. but, he doesn't say anything about it.

after another moment of complete silence, [y/n] clears her throat. "well... i should go back to bed." she says, nodding to the door, causing logan to snap out of his own concerned thoughts.

he nods and drops his arms from his chest, before moving to twist the doorknob and pulls the door open.

he lets her pass him as she hurries back to her and laura's bed.

though, as she lies back down and stares at the hotel room’s ceiling, a soft smile finds it's way to her lips as she remembers how concerned about her he's been acting lately.

she may not still completely trust him.

but, for him to grow concerned for her? that's quite a big development on his part.

[y/n] falls asleep with that same smile on her lips.

—————

SHE SLEEPS A LOT BETTER. so much so that she sleeps through the entirety of the next day.

the only time where she actually wakes up, is when — while logan went off to find a better car for them, since the limo's already been seriously damaged — a few men, who were sent from the psychopath that's been hunting both [y/n] and laura in the first place, showed up at the hotel room.

unfortunately, right when she does wake up, charles begins to have a seizure. it not only stops the bad men from harming laura, but it also does the same for everyone else.

the entire process is especially more harmful to [y/n], considering that she's only human, after all.

lucky for her, logan arrives soon after, taking care of some of the men, before laura assists with giving him charles' shot that's supposed to help with the seizures.

once charles has officially calmed down, [y/n] takes in a deep breath.

but, as she stands up, she loses her balance, when her legs give out, taking much more of a hit than anyone could've anticipated.

she lets out a groan as she clutches her head in pain, suddenly being hit with a wave of throbbing pain.

as she continues to struggle to deal with the pain, both laura and logan watch her in worry.

while logan turns to face charles, who wears a very regretful expression, and gives him a pointed glance, laura races over to [y/n] and silently worries about her.

as she tries to breathe through the pain, she notices the little girl's presence near her and decides to place her now sweaty hands over hers, in order to calm her down.

"it's... okay — i'm okay. i promise." her voice comes out in a croaky whisper as she begins to slowly stand up.

surprise flashes in her eyes as she notices the crazy amount of concern and worry in logan's eyes.

he steps forward to help her, but she holds up a hand, before he can get any closer.

"don't worry about me. i'm fine." she murmurs, trying to ignore the pain that is still consuming her body.

logan raises a single brow at her, challenging her to tell the truth as he notices her wince in further-more pain. "you sure about that? because you don't look like you're okay." he steps forward once more.

before she can answer him, her head throbs, once more.

it causes her to stop completely and dip her head down in pain as she presses her hand to her forehead.

"[y/n]?" he calls out as he steps closer her, the rest of the people in the room becoming much more concerned for her as she sighs shakily.

"i..." she trails off breathlessly as she begins to feel so much more light-headed and becomes a bit nauseous. "i don't understand why it's like this... "

"like what?"

"why it hurts so much..." she whispers as her legs finally give out and everything goes dark.

—————

THE MOMENT SHE WAKES, SHE notices that she's no longer inside the hotel room they were in before she'd passed out.

she begins to panic after realizing that she doesn't recognize the room she's been currently sleeping in for god knows how long.

her heart beat picks up in a fast pace as she looks around in confusion and stress.

though, before she can actually find herself in a worse panicking state, the door of the room slowly opens.

as soon as she realizes that it's logan, [y/n] sighs in relief. "thank god." she whispers to herself as he slowly shuts the door behind him, before walking over to the bed she's currently lying on.

"you alright? you know, you look really stressed right now." he asks as he sits down on the edge of the bed, eyebrows already furrowing together in concern.

she sputters once more, glancing around the room again, before turning back to face him.

"w—where are we? i don't recognize this room... and it's honestly stressing me out. especially, since the last time i was awake, it was inside the hotel room and now i'm here — where i don't recognize anything." she rambles, furrowing her brows as she tries to catch her breath from talking so much.

he chuckles in amusement, before shaking his head at her in response.

"doll, you don't need to worry or stress about that. the explanation is pretty simple," he states as she waits for him to go on.

"after you passed out from what happened in the hotel room with charles and all those men, we had to leave to ensure that that group didn't get to you and laura. so, we left and ended up helping this family and they've offered to let us stay here for the night. we'll be leaving early in the morning, alright?"

after hearing his explanation, she sighs in relief. “oh… okay. that makes sense.”

he nods, staying silent as he stares at her with an expression filled with worry and concern — something that’s become a very familiar look lately. especially, when it comes to her. 

in the past — maybe today, even — he would've told anyone that he would never fall in love again, or even, in this situation, at least, grow genuine, protective instincts and to care for another person.

and when you have the type of haunting past — like he does — it's understandable.

[y/n], sensing his eyes on her, looks up, brows furrowing.

she tilts her head to the side in confusion, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"w—what?" she stutters out nervously, quickly beginning to wonder what's going on inside of his troubled head.

logan tries his best to shake the feelings and new — for him, anyways — thoughts away. "nothing." he mumbles, clearing his throat and cutting off the new moment between them.

it's quiet for a moment, before the door opens, only to reveal both laura and charles.

once laura realizes that the older woman is now awake, relief floods to her face, before she's racing over to the bed and crushing [y/n] into a bone-tight hug.

"oof!" she lets out, trying to ignore just how tight the little girl is hugging her as she hugs her back.

after a second, she laughs in a form of appreciation — she's never felt so loved before, considering how she was treated as a growing child.

"i promise i'm okay. and i will be for a very long time — you never have to worry about losing me. okay?" she murmurs quietly, before the younger girl finally pulls away from her with a protective look shining in her eyes.

"she was quite worried for you." charles says from his place, sat in his wheelchair.

[y/n] nods, feeling guilty for making her worry as a frown takes over the place on her lips.

"and... i'm terribly sorry for putting you in that situation and putting your life in danger." he continues, his facial expression obviously filled with only regret and guilt.

the young woman's face quickly becomes confused.

"oh, charles... that wasn't your fault. and i don't blame you for it." she states in a soft voice, sending him an appreciative smile.

the wolverine scoffs, as if he doesn't quite share the same opinion as her.

his tone of voice is bitter as he speaks again, making how he feels known, "maybe you should."

[y/n] tilts her head to the side in further confusion. "what? how could this be his fault? it can't be his fault, if he can't control when it happens." she says, quickly coming to the eldest man's defense.

"i mean... you can't possibly believe that he wants to hurt anyone. and having these moments of out-of-control seizures can hurt them."

logan only rolls his eyes. "whatever." he mutters, not wanting to argue with her, before he glances towards the door.

"we should go check and see if they've finished making dinner yet." he mumbles as laura hurries to help [y/n] out of the bed.

she chuckles, before shaking her head.

"it's okay, sweetheart. i'm okay to walk." she murmurs softly as the little girl simply nods silently in understanding.

as [y/n] makes her way over to the door, limping and wincing every few seconds, logan, charles, and laura watch in clear concern, but she only ignores it.

she doesn't want to be any more of a victim — not anymore.

her only fate is to be able to protect laura and get her across the border — that's all she's going to be.

logan backs up, pulling charles with him as he keeps a good grip on the handles of the chair, while [y/n] slowly and eventually pulls the door open.

with an excited smile, she turns to them with a hand motioning towards the open doorway and backs away, in order for them to get through. "here we go!"

laura claps excitedly as logan pushes the old telepath through.

as soon as they're out and making their way into the kitchen, [y/n] and laura walk through the doorway and follow after them.

laura lets go of [y/n]'s hand as soon as she gets to her chair, practically throwing herself into it in pure excitement.

the older woman inhales nervously, becoming a little anxious about meeting these seemingly nice folks for the first time.

she lifts her hand up and into the air, giving them a small wave.

"hi. um, i'm [y/n]," she nervously says, nodding towards laura.

"i'm laura's mother." she explains further as the brunette woman laughs and waves her shyness off.

"it's so nice to officially meet you — laura's spoken so highly of you. i'm glad you're doing a lot better than before." she kindly says, nodding to an empty seat, the one next to where logan is now sitting.

[y/n] takes in a deep breath as logan still continues to watch her every move in clear worry, before she takes the seat and sends the much older woman a warm smile.

"thank you. yes, i'm doing and feeling a lot better now."

after the family says their grace, logan and [y/n] glance at one another, not even realizing how much they seem to be looking at each other.

as laura begins to eat — quite messily, too, might i add — logan steps in with a frown and a glare.

he reaches over with his hand and taps her shoulder to get her attention.

then, he gives her her fork, quickly motioning for her to use it properly.

seeing this herself, [y/n] giggles, only finding amusement in watching her.

"i'm... so sorry about laura. as you can clearly see, we're still trying to teach her how to have proper manners."

hearing the 'we' part of her statement, logan gives a gruff agreement, quickly realizing that the woman is going for the wife-and-husband-with-their-daughter cover.

though, it's quite obvious that both adults are their own versions of flushed over the idea of them actually being together — or being a couple.

the older couple simply waves it off, not being ones to judge.

after all, all families are different, right?

though, as laura starts pouring big, big loads of food onto her plate, logan has to interfere, obviously. again.

"there's plenty more, if she'd like some more." katherine offers, nodding over to the younger girl, who's now glaring and pouting at logan.

he shakes his head, mumbling that she's had more than enough.

[y/n] can't help but let a small laugh escape her.

but, after realizing how childish she must seem in the moment, her eyes widen in shock over her own impulsive action, and then clasps her hands over her mouth to keep anything else from escaping.

the famous wolverine stops frowning at laura, only to turn to look over at [y/n] with a raised brow as a response to her childishness.

she laughs again, at the look placed on his face.

after all the time they've spent together — and obviously, the feelings that have shifted between them — she can't take him seriously. not anymore, at least.

although he looks like he's just about ready to lecture her, she knows deep down that he couldn't get mad at her over something so minor.

and another part of her just hopes that maybe he feels the same about her that she feels for him and that he couldn't bear to be angry at her for that long.

logan glares at her once more, though it's more playful than anything else.

as she notices everyone watching their seemingly normal exchange, [y/n] clears her throat as her face instantly turns beat-red at the attention they're receiving.

"uh, sorry." she genuinely apologizes to katherine and her husband.

katherine laughs herself as laura and charles join in. "there's no need to apologize. i think you and james make quite the couple."

[y/n]'s face heats up, once more, at the compliment. "o—oh, thank you." she stutters nervously, tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear as logan's gaze catches hers.

this time, though, their eye contact is very much different than any of the others they've shared — this one gives off both admiration and genuine care over the other.

charles, however, decides to cut the moment short, after noticing the pair of adults' undeniable connection, when he accidentally hears both of their own thoughts.

[y/n] is not only flushed on the outside, but also on the inside — she wonders anxiously if anything could ever happen between them, or if it's just her that feels this way.

and logan? well, he's trying to act like she doesn't have a single effect on him at all — he's trying to stay professional about this all and fight against how he truly feels.

a small smirk tugs at the psychic's lips, before he breaks the silence, "yes, my son and [y/n] truly do make quite a great couple — they're actually quite perfect for each other."

[y/n]'s face turns even redder — if that's even possible — while logan glares at the side of charles' face.

but, after a moment, both logan and [y/n] realize that the rest of the family — and charles and laura — are watching them carefully and closely.

"yeah, we are perfect for each other. i'm just happy to be with him and to have laura and charles — this family means everything to me." the young woman states, no lies evident in her tone of voice — she speaks the truth in her words, even if it's all just for a cover that won't be permament.

something in logan changes when he hears her truthful words, a small smile — a grateful one — appearing on his lips as he stares at only her with a gentle look in his eyes.

without another thought, he nods and says his own version of the truth, despite the fact that he hasn't wanted to get attached to either her or laura, in the first place, "you know i feel the same, sweetheart."

his tone of voice comes out gruff, but [y/n] senses the truth in it and smile at him as she places one of her hands over his.

they both fall into the moment, completely forgetting about everyone else, almost as if the entire world falls away, when it's just them.

katherine smiles at them with admiration.

"you know how i know you two are truly perfect for each other?" she asks, breaking the moment between them as they glance over at her in confusion.

"you look at each other like you're the other's world — and that's true love." she continues as [y/n] laughs nervously, before murmuring a 'thanks'.

logan watches her once more, before katherine's husband asks where they're heading after this.

he snaps himself out of his daze as both he and charles reply with completely different locations.

"uh," logan starts, but [y/n] laughs and cuts the two men off, "sorry. apparently, there's been some miscommunication!" she laughs once more, trying to make a joke out of it.

katherine laughs with her.

"are you guys going on some kind of extended-vacation?"

after a moment, [y/n] nods, choosing to just go with it. "we're going to be going to both oregon and south dakota."

charles nods along with her.

"yes, it's a very long overdue vacation," he pauses as both logan and [y/n] nod in agreement. "we're city folk — always wanted to see the country. and meet the people in it."

logan watches the exchange, noticing how comfortable both charles and [y/n] are about speaking about a vacation.

needless to say, they all deserve a vacation — away from all the complicated situations they've been in lately.

"that's lovely." katherine nods in agreement as everyone continues to eat.

"i've been trying to get will here to take a vacation for years—"

will interrupts, quickly bringing up that they'd not be able to take care of their property, if they went on vacation.

katherine replies to this by telling him they need to sell the property.

[y/n] laughs at their interaction, never before seeing an actual healthy couple before — her parents, after all, didn't have a healthy relationship at all.

they continue to argue, before their son interrupts them, "i could drop out of school!"

"let's not go that far." katherine says to him seriously as he just laughs it off.

"i mean, i'll do it."

"no."

"why not?"

something in logan's face changes as he watches the normal family exchange between them all.

his gaze goes over to laura, something changing immediately.

[y/n] notices this and smiles, hoping that he truly does care about her and laura, like she hopes he does.

"now, why would you want to do that, nate?" charles asks genuinely and [y/n] can't help it as she lets out a giggle.

"you might want to be careful with answering that question, nate. charles here, was a professor that ran a very important school." she announces in an amused tone of voice.

"a lot of years, right, charles?" logan asks, finding some entertainment in this topic of conversation, as well.

charles waves him off, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

though, just as he begins to agree politely, [y/n] begins to experience some more sharp pains in her head.

this time, though, it's much more extreme than before.

then, she's suddenly pushing back from the chair as she stands up, catching everyone's now concerned looks.

"i... i'm sorry. i think... i need to lie down — it seems that i'm still having some headaches." she murmurs in an embarrassed tone as she starts to sway slightly and her eyesight gets blurry and splotchy.

logan immediately stands up, becoming much more worried than before.

he places a hand over her back and the other on her shoulder as she begins to groan in pain — she's never felt headaches this bad before.

"i'm going to help her get back upstairs." he announces, not caring if he seems rude, his attention completely on the young woman in pain.

"yes, you should," katherine agrees, after standing up and placing her hand up to [y/n]'s forehead.

she frowns at how warm she is. "she's burning up. she really should lie down — maybe, just for a little bit, or until y'all leave tomorrow morning."

logan doesn't say anything in response. though, he understands what she's saying and is mentally agreeing himself.

[y/n] gulps guiltily, both feeling bad for all of the issues her health is causing and because she really doesn't understand why she's been in so much pain recently.

for only a moment, she leans her head against logan's chest, the sudden nausea becoming way too much for her in the moment.

logan, not quite expecting such an open and vulnerable action from her, breathes in a deep breath as he allows the physical contact. only because it's her.

"alright," he suddenly says, wrapping one of his arms around her waist and turning to face katherine.

"i'll be back to help laura and charles to bed." he states, nodding to them, who've both stopped their eating to watch [y/n] in further concern — they all know that she's only been acting like she's fine, but they didn't expect everything to get worse for her.

[y/n] barely acknowledges anything after that — the pain she feels is just too distracting for her to hear the worry in logan's voice, or to see the concern everyone in the room holds for her.

though, as logan brings her into his arms — bridal style — and walks them up the stairs, she lets out a barely containable cry.

this causes his eyebrows to furrow together in both concern and confusion. "what's wrong, doll?"

she cries again, hating how worried he is for her.

"i... i hate this... " she says through her heavy breaths that match with her small cries.

"hate what?"

"this — being so pathetic and weak of a human being that i can't even make it through the night." she mumbles, but he hears her completely, considering of how close they are.

"sweetheart—" he begins to say, knowing where this conversation is going, just as they reach the doorway of the room that she'd slept in before.

but, she interrupts him, "—no."

as her voice comes out in emotional stutters, she forces herself out of his arms as carefully as she can.

as soon as she's standing, she begins to feel light-headed again.

"[y/n]—" he says again as he notices that same sick-to-her-stomach expression on her face.

"no... i can't do this." she whispers shakily as a bunch of strands of her hair falls over her face.

though, honestly? this small little detail is something that she could care less about.

logan frowns, not sure of what she means. "what do you mean by that? can't do what?"

she lets out a slightly unhinged laugh as she shakes her head.

"i can't help laura... if i can't even survive," she mutters, taking in a deep breath as she leans against the doorway.

logan tilts his head to the side in concern for her.

he waits for her to continue, knowing that she's not going to stop until she gets what she needs to say out.

"i mean, this behavior isn't fucking normal for me! i have never had these types of issues before, when it comes to my health. this is all happening so suddenly, and i can't understand why."

"you know it could easily just be stress. you've been so worried about the kid and charles lately. i'm sure everything is fine." logan says, stepping forward to help her into the room.

she doesn't budge for a moment, not ready to accept that this is her life now.

she ducks her head down as he places a hand over her shoulder, her bottom lip quickly becoming harshly pulled in between her teeth. her eyebrows raise as tears blur her eyesight very quickly.

"c'mon. let's get you to bed, alright?" he murmurs, trying to stay patient with her, knowing that she's been going through an awful lot in the past few weeks — maybe, even longer.

i mean, logan can't know for sure how many months she's been with laura. or if she's been going through all this trauma, long before she ever met the little girl.

and it's not like he's forgotten about the guilt and anxiety she's been experiencing lately because of the people she's had to kill, in order to protect laura, who she's grown to love and see as her own daughter.

"logan... " she trails off as she finally, finally looks him in the eye with fear in her eyes for the first time ever.

"what if i can't protect her? w—what happens... if something happens to me and i can't keep her safe?" she whispers tremblingly, some of the tears escaping her eyes and sliding down to her cheeks.

normally, she'd be embarrassed to let anyone see her like this — like she's pathetic or weak.

but, this is logan.

he's been much more vulnerable than anyone she's ever known.

also, the fact that he could never judge her for being terrified when he's felt so much worse than her.

this time, though, he stops in place. he no longer tries to get her to the bed.

especially, when he sees the scared look placed on her face, and just how vulnerable she's allowing herself to be with him — even though, she'd never do that with anyone else.

"what are you saying?"

"let's just face it, logan. i'm... obviously getting sick — or something. i don't know what it is, but something is happening to me. and i don't think i'll survive it. which means... " she trails off as she takes in a deep inhale of shaky breaths, trying to accept what she's saying — she needs to make peace with it.

"which means what?" he questions her in a harsh tone of voice, obviously not liking where this conversation is heading.

"it means that i don't have long. and we've barely even gotten to where we need to be, in order for laura to cross the border. i can't help her if i'm dead, logan — you know that." she finally spits out what she's been secretly thinking.

a dark look fills his eyes as he shakes his head, jaw clenching impossibly hard.

"no. i don't know that — we don't know that. you don't know that you're going to die." his statement is spit out in a negative tone of voice, showing that he refuses to believe that it's true.

maybe, it's because he has found himself growing to care for her — way more than he ever planned to.

after all, she and laura aren't strangers to him — not anymore.

"logan, i know... t—that you don't want to hear this." she starts, still leaning against the doorway, clenching her eyes shut and taking in a deep breath at the thought of what she has to say next.

"i know how much pain and loss you've experienced. and i wish and hope that you don't have to experience it... ever again. but, we have to face the facts."

now, she opens her eyes and looks up at him again with more tears spilling.

"and the fact is... i might die. and if i do — whether that's from what my body is experiencing right now, or getting myself killed — i need you to promise me that you'll do right by laura."

he grunts, growing more frustrated and annoyed by the second.

it's obvious — and understandable — that he does not want to have this conversation right now.

or ever, actually.

"she's your daughter — whether you can accept it or not. you are her parent. maybe... even more than i am. after all, i'm just a woman who cares for her and sees her as my child — even when she isn't. but, you, logan... you are her father — you both share the same dna and pain."

he stays silent after hearing this, however.

even if he has so many things to say to her, he doesn't say it, because he knows that she has more she wants to say.

"you have a chance with her. she's not too far gone — she can be better. and you can teach her how to be. but, you have to protect her and get to that border — no matter what happens. she needs a normal and healthy life, where she isn't treated like a weapon." she says, gulping down her pride as she readies herself to say her next choice of words.

"and... of course i want nothing more than to be right there with you guys, when she gets to have the better life she deserves," she states, pausing as that life flashes in the back of her mind.

but, as it disappears, just as fast as it came, she sighs and blinks away the tears. "but, that might not happen. no matter how much i want that future, i have to accept that it might not happen. and... i need you to give her that, okay? she needs a different life than this. she is only a child — one that doesn't deserve to be hunted down like an animal and killed because they think they can't control her. she deserves better than that."

[y/n] forces a smile to her lips.

"she needs you, logan. and i need you to promise me that you'll do what i ask of you — for her sake." she finishes as more tears fall.

he's silent for a moment. but, the anger and denial is quite clear and evident on his face.

noticing this, she steps forward, despite the nausea and pounding of her head that she still feels. "loga—"

"no!" he yells suddenly as his eyes meet hers.

she jumps slightly, worry filling her as she notices the raw emotions swirling around in his eyes.

"no. we're not having this conversation, alright? you're not dying. so, stop with this damn martyr act." he tells her harshly, trying to ignore her hurt expression.

it's a few moments, filled with complete silence and tension slowly building up in the air.

though, logan doesn't care.

or maybe, that's just what he wants it to seem like as he gently grabs onto her waist and side again, silently helping her over to the bed.

they don't exchange any words as he helps her get under the covers, before walking over to the door.

though, before he can shut the door behind him and leave her to her overwhelming emotions and thoughts, she calls out to him, "logan."

he turns to face her, keeping his face stoic as he looks at her in question.

"i want her to sleep in here — just this once." she mumbles shakily, refusing to look him in the eyes.

he silently nods, before walking out and shutting the door, needing to get out of there before he suffocates in that room with her extremely hurt expression.

—————

SHE WAKES UP TO SCREAMS of terror filling the entire house.

[y/n] immediately throws her body up as she lets out a gasp, searching the dark room.

but, she knows that scream — laura.

with a protective instinct towards the little girl, the slightly weak woman stumbles out of the bed and continues to struggle to get out of the room.

once she has the door open, she races into the hall, following the sounds of laura's whimpers and screams, only to find her lying down on the floor of the room that charles had recently fallen asleep in.

"laura? what's going o—?" she starts to question, not quite seeing the full scene of the bedroom.

but, when she does, she sputters and gasps as she takes in the bloody scene before her and the robot-like man that looks way too familiar for her liking.

laura races over to [y/n], hiding behind her as the older woman continues to watch in shock and hurt as charles continues to lose more and more blood by every passing second.

"charles... " [y/n] whispers as tears fall down to her cheeks, not wanting to leave him to bleed out, but also needing to protect laura, who's shaking in fear from behind her.

"it's okay, darling. get laura somewhere safe."

"what? i—" [y/n] wants to say no, but the murderous glint in the enemy's eyes causes her to slowly back away, before turning to laura and kneeling down.

"sweetheart, go find logan. tell him what happened and you tell him to take you with him and get the hell away from here, okay?" she tells her hurriedly, ignoring the pang in her heart at the fact that this is going to be the last time they will ever see each other.

laura cries out, shaking her head and refusing to leave her as tears flood her face. "n—no. i can't leave!"

despite, not saying it, it's clear to [y/n] that what laura's trying to tell her is that she can't leave her behind.

she nods, her cries barely containable as she dips her head as she struggles with her emotions.

but, when she hears his footsteps nearing them and she glances back to see him getting closer and closer to them, she pulls herself together and pushes her away from her.

"laura, go! i'll be fine — i promise." she tells her, despite the fact that she's only lying to protect her.

as the older woman begs her to go with just her pleading eyes, laura hesitates.

but, as [y/n] stands up and turns to face the monster behind them, laura hesitates once more, before turning and running down the steps and races out the front door that's wide open.

as soon as she realizes that the girl is safe and away from the violence, [y/n] spits in his face.

"you're not touching her, you psychotic bastard!" she yells, pulling out her knife — the one she always keeps hidden in a strap she has wrapped around her waist.

he only yells angrily and slaps her to the ground.

she cries out, before she looks back up at him, noticing that he's not done with her yet.

as she winces and pushes herself back further down the hall, he pulls out a needle connected to a tube with some type of scary-looking liquid inside of it.

then, he pulls her closer to him by one of her ankles and injects it into her neck, causing her to groan through the pain, before her body quickly becomes to grow weak.

in the next few moments, all she wants to do is close her eyes. she's just so damn cold and tired.

but, as he assumes that she's about to pass out and begins walking down the stairs in search of laura, [y/n] carefully — and struggles to — get up and stumbles her way down, determined to protect laura.

just as logan walks back and closer to the house from walking around with will — and encountering some complicated trouble — he finds laura, running out of the house with a look of terror swirling around in her eyes.

she heaves in a bunch of breaths as he stops her from running past him. "hey, hey. what's going on, kid?"

she simply shakes her head hurriedly, tears beginning to cloud up in her eyes. "charles, dead. [y/n] sacrificed herself." she bluntly says with an edge of fear, still not able to say complete sentences.

"dammit!" he mutters, realizing what she means and putting it all together, before he looks back down at her with his eyebrows knitted together in worry.

"where? where exactly?" he exclaims in question, trying to not take it out on her as fear and immense concern begins to fill his entire body.

laura only points back to the house. "upstairs."

without any hesitation, logan turns to will.

"watch her for me, will you? make sure she stays safe." he tells him, who nods in agreement — though, he's a little confused too — before he races inside and makes it to the stairs.

though, what he finds before him leaves him completely and utterly speechless; blood is trailing the floor of where charles was last, and [y/n] struggles to stand as she tries to fight the man that strangely looks exactly like logan.

"stay... the hell... away from her!" the young woman yells at him, her speech slightly slurred as she struggles to stay awake, trying — and failing — to fight him off.

after all, this is a stronger and much more powerful version of the famous wovlerine.

"[y/n]!" logan yells as he sees the obvious pain she's in, along with all of the injuries she now has — thanks to that lovely injection she's just started to experience.

she becomes distracted for a moment, her terrified and worried eyes catching his.

after she heard his voice call out for her, all she could think about is that this is the last time they'll see each other.

because she knows that she can't fight this very scary version of him, and logan just has to take laura and get the hell out of here, before either of them gets captured and killed — at least, that's what she knows.

but, the evil version of logan takes this moment of distraction to get the upper-hand on her; his claws grow out of in between his knuckles and forcefully thrusts them into her stomach.

blood spurts out of her mouth as it becomes even more extremely hard for her to stay awake.

not only is she currently fighting whatever the hell that syringe was that just got jammed into her neck, but now, she's being practically impaled by the evil-logan's claws.

more blood spills from her mouth and lips as she chokes on the air, trying to fight the pain she feels over all of this — she's only human, after all.

"[y/n]!" logan yells her name again. this time, though, both anger and worry is evident in his voice.

though, something in her makes her stop fighting the other logan — she knows that she’s going to die.

that's why her gaze finds logan's, who's just about ready to kick the other him's ass for hurting her — charles as well, too, obviously.

"get h—her... out of here. now... " she sputters, more blood spurting out of her mouth.

"please... she... s—she needs you!" she yells, trying to keep the evil logan-spawn distracted for as long as possible.

though, logan shakes his head, not being able to let her go.

"no. we're going to get out of this — i'm not letting you die."

but, evil-logan could care less about this romantic exchange between them as he kicks her body back to the ground and his claws slide out of her now wounded body.

then, without another word, he walks down the steps, giving the real logan a challenging look — trying to size him up, i suppose.

[y/n]'s vision goes blurry and soon enough, her eyes slowly close.

everything goes dark as she — this time — can't stay awake anymore. her body's just too damn tired.

—————

"I'M SORRY. THERE'S NOT MUCH i can do. whatever it was that was injected into her body... it's taking effect quite fast. i can't delay it, and i can't fix it." an unfamiliar voice says, waking the injured young woman from her long, long sleep.

"what do you mean you can't fix it? you're a doctor! this is what you do — you're supposed to save lives! why can't you save her?!" that familiar angry voice that she knows so well yells in utter frustration.

there's a pause, before the stranger speaks again, "i'm sorry. if this was a normal injury, sure, i could treat it. but, it's not," he states, as an annoyed grunt comes from logan, quickly causing him to continue. "frankly, i don't know how she's survived this long — she should've died the second she was injected with that mysterious liquid. but, what i can tell you, is that she's strong."

a sigh is heard, before he speaks again, his voice now filled with pity. "all you can do right now, is enjoy your time with her and make peace with the fact that she doesn't have much time left — before she's going to die."

hearing all of this isn't new to [y/n].

she suspected something else was going on — something that could very much result in killing her.

but, hearing the heartache and pain in logan's voice brings tears to her closed eyelids.

the doctor apologizes once more, before he leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.

after another moment of silence, logan talks to the younger girl in the room, "it's okay — she's going to be okay. she's strong. she'll get through this."

though, the fact that he's lying to laura, in order to keep her from breaking down, doesn't sit well with [y/n].

"don't lie to her. she doesn't need things to be sugar-coated." she croaks out as she slowly opens her eyes.

she flinches from the bright light that hangs from the ceiling, before moving to sit up.

as she looks over to them, she notices the worry displayed on both of their faces.

but, the tear-stained cheeks of laura's concerns her the most.

laura doesn't need to tell [y/n] what she's feeling because she feels it just as much.

she nods in silent agreement, before opening her arms. "i know, baby. i know. c'mere." she murmurs, tears blurring her eyesight.

the little girl lets out a breathless sob and races into the older woman's arms, hugging her so tight, as if she's afraid that if she lets go, [y/n]'s going to disappear.

[y/n] sighs in relief, happy to have the girl near her, once again — she really did think that she was going to die on the munson property.

though, thinking back on that whole entire situation, [y/n] pulls away and looks over at logan for the first time.

she turns back to laura, giving her a sad smile.

"hey, why don't you go out to the waiting room, yeah? i need to talk to logan." she murmurs, her gaze finding his again, not being able to look away from him.

laura wordlessly nods and walks out, sensing that the two adults need some time alone.

as soon as she's gone, [y/n] clears her throat as she begins to dread asking the question that's been on her mind since she woke, just seconds ago.

though, before she can quite ask what she desperately feels that she needs to, he clears his throat as he steps closer to her.

"how are you feeling?" his voice comes out gruff, but also, filled with worry and hesitation.

"logan, that doesn't matter right now." she gulps as he rolls his eyes and throws his hands up in the air in clear frustration.

"of course it does! why do you always do this?" he questions, jaw clenched as he watches her flinch.

"do what?" she asks in a meek voice, trying to ignore the pang in her heart over how much he cares about her.

he sighs, regretting how harsh he was — he's acting just like he had that night, before everything had gotten worse.

"why do you treat yourself like you're expendable?"

[y/n] slumps in defeat, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth — like she's been doing repeatedly — and knawing over it in anxious nerves.

logan crosses his arms over his chest, raising a brow at her as he waits for her to answer him.

though, it doesn't come.

she simply stays silent, not sure of how to answer him.

i mean... how do you even answer a question like that?

it's hard to explain why she acts the way she does — especially, when it's tied to how she acts with herself — when it's all she's ever known, her entire life.

[y/n] has always been hard on herself, as well as being reckless with her life.

though, when she met laura, that all changed — she knows that she has to stay alive, in order to protect her.

but, that doesn't mean that she doesn't hate herself or have really unhealthy coping mechanisms. because she does — thanks to her family, of course.

"[y/n]." logan calls out, snapping her out of her dark thoughts.

her eyes snap up to meet his, shock filling them — she'd forgotten where she was for a mere moment.

"i... i—i don't know, okay? i'm just used to being this way." she stutters, not sure she wants to have this conversation with him anymore.

finally making up her mind, she stands up from the table she'd been lying on, minutes before.

she sways a bit, catching logan's attention further-more, but she shakes it off as she starts to walk past him.

"we don't need to talk about this right now, logan. we need to get laura across that border." she states shakily, though she tries to hide it, as she almost makes it past him.

but, logan, having been too worried about her for so long, grunts annoyedly and gently grasps her arm, just as she's about to brush past him.

"we're not going anywhere, until we talk about this." he states seriously as she freezes in place at his words.

she sighs, wishing he just didn't care this much in the moment.

"why? logan, laura is the most important thing right now — not having a therapy session." she mutters, not daring to turn around and look at him, fearing that she will break down and spill everything to him, once she looks him in the eyes.

"you need to talk about this, sweetheart. if you don't, it's going to get you killed. and you can't afford that when you need to be there for laura."

she rolls her eyes, lowly scoffing.

hearing him talk about her mental health like this makes her mad.

how can he talk about this — like this — when he doesn't even believe the same for himself?

she whips around to face him, her face full of obvious irritation.

"really, logan? you really want to talk about this with me? when you can't even do the same for yourself?" she exclaims, finding it so damn aggravating that he's being such a hypocrite.

his eyes widen in shock, having not expected her to snap at him like this — she's usually so calm and collected.

if only he knew just how much she struggles with the anger issues she gets from her family.

"excuse me?" he asks incredulously, snapping himself out of his shocked state and quickly going back to his cold act.

"you heard me! you're trying to tell me to try to talk about my issues and try to see that i have a good life ahead of me, when you can't even do that yourself! you don't want to live, do you?" she exclaims, throwing her own hands up in the air.

she scoffs as a dark look takes over his face, jaw ticking as he tilts his head to the side.

"you really wanna do this right now, doll?" his voice almost comes out in a growl, while [y/n] refuses to let it scare her — she knows that he'd never hurt her, especially when he's just acting this tough, most likely to push her away.

"yes, because i don't need you to act like you care about me this much!" she spits out, not taking a moment to realize what she just said.

he barks out a laugh, tossing his head back in sarcastic disbelief.

"really? you think i don't care about you?"

her entire body goes weak at his question.

she didn't even realize she said it. but, there's no taking it back — not now.

with a relentless sigh, she bites down on her bottom lip and stays silent as she ducks her head down to hide the obvious tears that are just about to spill — she doesn't want him to see what kind of effect he has on her.

"well?" he asks again — much more harshly, might i add.

"yes." she whispers weakly, knowing that she only blurted out the truth.

because, sure, she'd hoped that he cared about her, but there's been some other side of her that kept telling her that he could care less about her and just couldn't wait to finally be rid of her and laura.

"you seriously fucking think i don't give a damn about you and you're well-being — along with the kid, too — at all?" he questions further, still not fully calmed down in the moment.

in fact, it seems that he's only getting more frustrated by every passing second.

without another word, she nods.

shame fills her at the thought of losing him, all because she couldn't keep her damn mouth shut.

that, and the fact that she's used to everyone leaving her.

though, she also feels hatred towards herself — she hates growing attached and dependent on others.

and losing logan? well, that scares her shitless.

especially, since people hurting and leaving her, is all that was ever done to her.

anytime she grows to care for someone and begins to trust them, they leave her all alone, only with the heartaching conclusion that she did something wrong to make them abandon her.

that, or she assumes there's something wrong with her that is so terrible that they couldn't stand her anymore.

something snaps inside of logan, not understanding how she could be so blind.

"if i didn't care about you, why would i be refusing to accept the fact that you're dying? or the fact that i care about you so much that i'm willing to give the kid a chance?" he asks as he steps closer to her, causing her breath to catch in her throat at how close they're getting to each other.

"logan—" she says hesitantly, starting to really regret this entire conversation, all together.

he shakes his head in frustration. "no. don't. we're going to have this conversation. whether you like it or not." he says in a dark voice, his facial expression becoming something of a mix between anger and bewilderness.

"i don't know where the fuck you got the idea that i don't care about you. because you're wrong. why would i change my mind about helping you and laura, if i didn't give a shit about you? why would i be protecting you this entire time, if i didn't care? or calm you down from a panic attack, or help you feel better about the blood that's now on your hands? or take care of you and make sure that you're safe?" he yells this time, completely frustrated at her for thinking for just one second that he doesn't care for her at all.

though, you'd think that a man like logan wouldn't admit to caring for her. especially, with everything he's been through, and all of the people he's lost.

i mean, the man has practically lost everything.

"i didn't want any of this. i just wanted to take care of charles and protect caliban and get through the time i have left, before everything would be going to shit, once again, like it always does." he says seriously, not taking notice of the tears flooding [y/n]'s eyes, or the trembling of her bottom lip.

he's far too overwhelmed with the current conversation.

though, it's barely even a conversation at this point — it's just him yelling and raising his voice at her.

"i didn't want any part of it. but, then you came into my life and i found myself wanting something more than the miserable fucking life i was living before. and along the ride, the more i got to know you and the kid, i've grown to see things differently — i saw you differently." he says, this time his voice becoming much more genuine and gentle.

[y/n] swears that her heart stops and the whole world disappears.

"w—what do you mean?"

"i mean that you've changed me. and i'm not going to fucking stand around, while you risk your life repeatedly, with no regards of the fact that we need you."

tears spill to her cheeks as her heartbeat quickens at his admission.

"we?" she asks in barely a whisper, wondering if she just misheard him.

"yes, we." he states with no hesitation, before suddenly walking all the way over to her.

he hesitates on his next actions, hoping to god that he hasn't read too much into the situation.

god, the thoughts running through his head is making him feel like a love-sick teenaged boy.

but, something changes when she looks up at him with both hopeful and shocked eyes. "logan—"

she stops herself, wondering if she's getting the right signs.

does he really want to kiss her, or is she just an idiot?

"doll, i can't fucking take it anymore. i can't be around you, without doing this before i regret it." he mutters as he brings his fingers up to her face, wiping away the tears on her face.

her eyebrows knit together in confusion as she looks up at him. "what do you mean? do what?"

"this." he simply says, placing his hands over her cheeks and then slams his lips onto hers.

a shocked sound comes from her, it now becoming a smothered breath as they both close their eyes and melt into it.

logan smiles into the kiss as [y/n] presses her body closer to his and wraps her arms around his neck.

then, as she opens her mouth just slightly to let out a content sigh, he takes the moment to bring the kiss to become more heated as their tongues meet together.

when they pull away, [y/n] places her hands over his chest as she takes a deep breath, heaving for air to get back into her lungs.

"wow. that was... " she trails off in a murmur, still very much speechless.

"yeah, i know." he mumbles, a small hint of a smile on his lips.

"did you really mean all of that? what you said?" she asks in a soft voice, after they stand in a few minutes of comfortable silence.

he nods. "yeah. i had to get through to you that i do care." he murmurs as they both pull away from each other.

after a few more minutes of silence, [y/n] asks the question she's been wanting to ask since she first woke up, "so, you gonna tell me where charles is yet?"

but, the answer she receives — along with the distraught expression that takes over logan's face — tells her all that she needs to know.

—————

SOMETHING IN HER KNEW THAT everything that'd happen the next day would end with only blood and innocent kids getting hurt.

but, she didn't question how she knew that.

she only knew that she'd die to protect laura and those kids. no matter what — even if things had shifted between her and logan and she wanted to try to stay alive for him.

maybe it was the fact that finding out about charles' death had more of an effect on her than anyone anticipated.

or the fact that the munson family had experienced so much pain and loss because of them.

really, it doesn't matter.

but, she wouldn't dare let transigen take laura or those kids and put them through more hell — she needed to put an end to that psychotic group.

the worst part was leaving logan while he was asleep.

she hadn't said goodbye — she only gave him a long lasting look with a sad smile, before leaving with the kids.

and laura had only assumed that [y/n] wanted to make sure they got across safely.

technically, that's not a lie. but, she hadn't exactly told anyone the full truth.

and she was right.

somehow transigen had found out where they were headed and ambushed them in the woods.

and of course, the young woman decided to stay behind to fight the men off — to protect the kids.

with a yell to them to 'get out of here, now', [y/n] struggled to fight the men — her pain in her body was only getting worse, thanks to the other stronger version of logan — but, succeeded in distracting them.

that was until one of them stabbed her in one of her legs and tied her to a tree while she was distracted.

and as they leave to hunt down the kids — one by one — something in [y/n] snaps.

she's never felt so much gut-wrenching pain over the thought of losing a child that was never truly hers in the first place.

but, the thought of those kids — those innocent children, who only want freedom and normalcy — being brutally murdered for being born and having the powers that they do, changes something in her.

her blood runs cold as a shiver runs through her body at the thought of finding their bodies.

scorching, hot tears spill from her eyes and she just can't help it as she lets out the loudest, most pain-filled scream.

the kids hear this, and it makes them stop for a moment.

but, this distracts them for too long as some of the men have found them and begin to capture some of them.

though, another yell — one that belongs to a very familiar, protective man — distracts some of the men and laura helps the rest of the kids break free.

[y/n], now exhausted from that one scream and the agonizing pain filling her entire body, she helplessly sobs in both emotional and physical pain. she feels so weak.

but, before she can fall further into that negative and dark mindset, a pair of heavy footsteps makes her freeze in her place.

though, as she looks up, she realizes that it's only logan.

as he kneels down in front of her, his face filled with worry for her, she lets out a cry of relief. "logan?"

he musters up a soft smile — one that's only recently been reserved for her — and tears the ropes free of her hands.

"hey, sweetheart. you didn't think you'd be doing this alone, did ya?" he asks, trying to lighten the mood as he rips off a piece of flannel off of his shirt and wraps it around her leg that's currently bleeding out.

tears find their way to her eyes again as her bottom lip trembles.

"they're going to kill them, logan." she cries out, not being able to think about anything else.

a look of both anger and worry for laura and the other kids finds its way to his face as he helps her up, before placing one of her arms over his shoulder.

"don't worry. we're going to help them."

"promise?" she asks in a whisper.

he nods as he begins to walk further into the woods, in the direction of the screaming kids.

"i promise. we're not leaving until they're safe. alright?" he tells her as she starts to walk on her own, ignoring the pain.

she nods, agreeing with him. "good. because i had the same idea." she mumbles as they get to the entrance of the field that the children are being dragged to.

ultimately, with some hesitation, the couple decides to split up.

though, logan hands her some weapons to help her, before placing a loving kiss to her temple and murmuring a 'be safe'.

then, they're both sneaking around trying to scope the area out, and trying to find an opening to get this shit done without too much blood and death.

worry and confusion fills [y/n] as logan hurries right into the middle of the field, obviously going for the confrontation approach as she finds laura.

the girl hides behind her by a tree as they both watch the scene playing out before them.

"oh, look who it is!" one of them sarcastically exclaims, before slamming the end of his gun into a boy's head, immediately knocking him out.

the doctor and logan talk; the doctor tries to play nice, while logan is just not having it.

while there's nothing much happening, [y/n] kneels down and faces laura.

"you think you can go to your friends without getting caught? i gotta help logan get the bad guys, okay?"

laura nods, silent worry evident on her face, but she doesn't say anything as she sneaks back towards the nearest vehicle, which is where the rest of the other kids are being held by.

[y/n] takes a deep breath as she begins to sneak closer, making sure if a fight happens, she'll be able to step in — even if she is only human.

but then, suddenly, logan shoots both donald and the doctor in pure anger.

donald yells in pain, holding his now destroyed hand and runs over to one of the other vehicles closest to him.

the fighting starts as laura attacks some of the men, near the rest of the children.

one of the other kids being held uses their powers to electrecute the men sitting inside the vehicle.

[y/n] takes the moment to step forward and shoot two of the men in the head, shocking the kids.

then, she turns to laura. "get you and your friends out of here. logan and i will handle the rest."

laura wordlessly nods as she helps the kids get up and get out of their handcuffs.

but, as logan follows the asshole that no longer has a hand anymore, the other version of the wolverine — the evil one — appears behind one of the doors of the vehicle and shoves him back with pure rage.

"logan!" [y/n] yells, stepping forward in distress as she completely forgets about the kids that are getting ready to run.

the two wolverines continue to fight each other — the evil version having more of an upper-hand.

laura takes out the rest of the men as [y/n] steps forward when the evil wolverine stabs logan in the back and throws him into the air, far away from him.

something dark swirls around in her gut — some of it is just her being protective of logan, and the other is something that she's never felt before in her entire life.

"get the hell away from him, you fucking piece of shit!" she screams as she steps in front of logan protectively and starts shooting her gun.

this, though — no matter how many times or where she shoots her gun at him — only makes him more angry.

becoming a little nervous, [y/n] backs up as she pulls out one of her daggers.

just as he gets close enough to her to hurt her, she thrusts the weapon into his side.

but, this has no effect on him as he shoves his claws into her gut — repeating history.

a shocked gasp leaves her as she tries to keep the whimpers of pain shoved deep inside of her.

logan growls as he watches the evil version of him find satisfaction in hurting her.

then, as he stands up, [y/n] slowly backs up — despite all of the pain she feels — as the claws pull themselves out of her stomach.

the evil wolverine prepares to strike her again, but logan isn't about to let that happen; he rushes forward and shoves her behind him as he uses all of his strength to throw the much more powerful monster away from them.

then, he grabs a broken door off of the ground and tries to take out his head from his neck with it.

but, it doesn't help that when the monstrous version of logan sees the doctor dead on the ground.

there's also donald deciding to motivate him by telling him that logan killed him — this obviously brings him to fight back against logan and shove him and the door to the ground.

he growls angrily as [y/n] runs over to help logan get up.

but, then, donald shoots a graveling hook into one of logan's legs.

[y/n] yells out in pure irritation as she turns to shoot him in the head.

he lets out a shocked breath as he falls to the ground.

[y/n]'s not sure if that killed him or not, but at least he'll be done for — at least, for a few minutes.

while both [y/n] and laura are busy trying to fight different people, logan angrily rips the hook out of his leg, yelling in beyond-imaginable pain.

more of the kids appear to drown donald in the nature of the grass, which eventually kills him.

as the evil wolverine goes for laura, logan and [y/n] share a look, before she's running to get the little girl to stay behind her, while logan stays to fight the other version of him.

"stay behind me, okay? this isn't your fight."

laura — for the first time in a while — sends her mother-figure a terrified look.

[y/n] sighs regretfully. "it's okay. he's not going to touch you." she says, before facing the evil logan before them.

as she notices that the kid that donald had with him, is trying to lift up a heavy truck near them, [y/n] grabs laura's hand and shoves her in logan's direction.

"you guys need to get out of here."

"no! not without you!" laura yells, tears filling her eyes as logan pulls her close and hesitantly keeps her behind him.

[y/n] gulps down her pride as she allows a few tears to escape. "i know. but, you have to. logan will protect you — i promise. but, you have to go. now!" she yells, before the monster in front of them comes to notice them all very quickly.

laura hesitates, but stays with logan.

"sweetheart—" logan begins to say, but [y/n] refuses to look him in the eyes as she steps forward and tries to fight off the evil version of him — she can't look him in the eyes as she realizes that there's only one way this is going to end.

and if it's going to be up to her, she'll do just about anything to make sure he and laura — and the other kids that remain — get out of there safely, and alive.

as she fights the monster once more, [y/n] yells to the real logan, not turning to look at him, "get yourselves out of here! i didn't survive all of this, just for you to die on my watch. go!"

the pain in her body becomes even much more hard to bear as she pushes the evil logan back, just as the other kid is able to make it so that the truck lands directly on top of him.

with a sigh of relief, logan and laura start walking towards [y/n], but, she's not willing to risk that monster surviving this and killing them and everyone else.

"no! you guys have to go!"

but, it's too late.

just as she turns back to face the vehicle, one side lifts itself up, before falling back down — he's still alive.

the thought of having to watch them die brings back the searing, hot tears as she runs over to them and pushes them further away.

"go, please!" she cries out, needing to do anything to keep them safe.

the evil wolverine eventually escapes from under the truck and when he's standing — quite angrily and vengeful, might i add — he runs straight for her.

though, instead of running in the other direction, [y/n] clutches her dagger and runs straight at him.

once she reaches him, she swallows down her fear and slams the tip of the dagger straight into the side of his head as she kicks him back, his back hitting the edge of one of the many vehicles.

this only makes him more angry, though; in a fit of more intensified rage, he slams his claws into her stomach — for the second time that day — before dragging her to a broken stump with sharp edges surrounding it.

as body meets sharpness and wood, laura screams out as the blood spurts out of [y/n]'s lips.

she chokes as she struggles to breath — even more so, this time — body wracking with breathless sobs.

her eyes meet logan's.

his face is utterly torn. tears — something he never has let happen in a very long, long time — have spilled to his cheeks.

"p—please... " she cries out in between the blood that's repeatedly falling from her lips and the struggle to breathe as the evil logan mercilessly shoves her back against the sharp edges of wood, before stabbing her with his claws once, twice...

"g—get her out... of h—here!" she finishes, just before laura has had enough and snaps, grabbing one of the guns off of the ground and shoots the monster straight in the head.

this destroys half of his face, before he limply falls to the ground, unmoving.

both logan and laura run over to [y/n] as she lets out a choked sigh of relief, grateful that she doesn't have to endure any more new injuries.

though, she's still growing more and more weak by every passing second.

the little girl sobs loudly as she drops the gun to the ground beside them.

without another thought, she lies her head on [y/n]'s chest.

she moves her very shaky hand up to hold laura's as she tries to stay awake — just for a bit longer.

her breaths become much more hollow as logan falls to his knees, right in front of her, on the other side of her.

his face is filled with so many different emotions; love, fear, guilt, worry.

"you know... m—meeting you, james," she pauses, gulping in pain as she tries to find the words she needs to say before it's too late, while logan's heart almost stops beating at the realization that she just called him by his real name.

"it... was the best thing that ever happened to me... " she trails off as an extremely pain-filled cough with more blood falling from her lips escapes her.

laura cries once more, not wanting to lose the woman who's only ever protected and loved her, despite all the bad things she was forced to do.

"don't go... " she lets out as her tears fall onto [y/n]'s weaker-by-the-minute-body.

[y/n] chokes on her own cries as she clutches the little girl's hand in a tighter grasp.

"i—i'm so sorry." she cries out as her heart pangs at what her possible death is doing to both laura and logan.

he clenches his jaw angrily as he bites down on his bottom lip in frustration.

"why didn't you just let me take care of this?" he asks in a tight tone of voice, trying to ignore the extra tears swirling around in his eyes.

she gives him a sad smile, her heart breaking completely. "because... it had to be me." she croaks out as another coughing fit begins to escape her.

"and because i... i couldn't lose you guys... because i—i love you," she whispers, starting to hate the fact that right when the three of them had just started to feel like a real family, something like this tears them apart — forever.

"b—both of you." she finishes, more blood trailing around her lips and sliding down to her chin.

hearing those words leave her lips allows logan to feel so much pain that the tears finally spill.

he ducks his head down, trying to hide his emotions.

[y/n] frowns as she notices this.

"it's... okay. i wouldn't have this any other way," she states as she cups his cheek with her other bloody hand. "dying for the man i love, and... the little girl that's become like my d—daughter? it... s—sounds kinda like a pe—perfect ending to a great story." she murmurs, trying to hide how much she wishes to just stay with them.

but, on another hand, she's also made peace with it — that she's going to die.

because — deep down — despite how much she didn't want to accept it, she knew that sacrificing herself for the people she loves dearly, is the only way she wanted to go out.

"logan... " she coughs, once more, as her breaths becomes much more shallow — death is almost about to knock on her door.

he looks at her, waiting for her to tell him what she needs to.

"p—please... be happy. don't... d—don't let my death be the end of the happiness and the good life you both deserve."

as those words sink into his head, he desperately wants to tell her that there is no happiness or life without her — she's become like home to him.

for the first time, in a very long time, he's grown to want the life he's tried to avoid having — he's been punishing himself for so long that meeting her was the one exception to actually wanting that life. but, with her.

but, before he can say anything — and tell her this — she turns to laura, who hasn’t pulled away from her as she tries to desperately wipe away her tears.

"laur, baby, everything's going to be alright, okay? i know that you're scared. and you have every r—right to... to be. but, logan's gonna protect you and take care of you, o—okay?" she murmurs in stutters, trying to hold on for as long as she can, starting to feel how slow her heart is beating now.

laura cries harder as [y/n] takes one deep breath. "do—don't... don't be the m—monster they made... made you i—into — be b—better." she whispers as her breaths slows now.

before the last beat of her heart hits her body, she sighs with a content, happy smile, despite dying so fast. "take care of e—each o—other... for m—me, o—okay?"

then, as that last beat hits her body and heart, the light slowly leaves her eyes and her face begins to relax as both of her hands drop to the ground, limp and unmoving.

"no!" laura yells in anger and fear as the emotions quickly escape her, now realizing that she's gone.

logan, not being able to handle his own grief, stands up and walks over to laura, without saying anything as he kneels down beside her.

laura jumps into his arms and lets everything out.

they both stand there for god knows how long, only drowning in their grief, with the other kids standing behind them, feeling pity and sympathy for them.

[y/n] may have only known them for a small amount of time, but still, she made an impression on them, for the better.

[djbuffwalrus]

Top five writing tropes ✍️

Okay sorry this took 5 business days to answer, I have so many feelings about this that the question had to marinate a little here we GOOO

In-Universe Recordings and Their Various Uses This is my #1 because formally and textually I think it's really useful to show characters reacting to and experiencing their past. Particularly in audio and visual mediums where it can be harder to get a direct view into character thoughts/emotions, a recording becomes memory-by-proxy, and how the story plays with those memories and events shows a lot about the characters. They can also be a way to showcase the hard, immutable nature of reality -- or the opposite, in the case of many horror works. We live in an age of constant recording, and I think interrogating our relationship to the past using recordings is healthy, necessary, and compelling! One show that I think nailed this is @whatwillbehere, and of course the theme is made more explicit in @re-dracula

Characters Who Haunt Through Their Absence A.K.A. Laura Palmer Syndrome, there's something very true to the experience of grief about being constantly reminded of a character being gone. Lake Mungo, The Night House, Lisey's Story, In Strange Woods, Censor, and many many more have pulled this one off beautifully and all of 'em are an inspiration in one way or another.

Narratives Which Begin At The End And Then The End Recontextualizes The Beginning Okay this one is very specific but when it works it's such a gut punch! Form-wise I think the first Hell House LLC movie crushes this concept, but it's the kind of narrative slight-of-hand trick that works wonders across genres. The Elton John biopick (Rocketman) does something similar just using costuming elements and I think it rules, both because it highlights the arcs that have happened but also because it shows how much care and thought have gone into the work, you know?

That Thing In Horror Movies Where They Play An Old Cartoon On The TV And It Reacts To/Interacts With The Scene I feel like this is self-explanatory. Skinnamarink, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Babadook, etc. etc. etc. have done it and I don't care if it's cheesy there's such a menacing otherwordly quality that this brings to horror. What you're going through is being reflected by children's media. You're fucked. I love it.

The Moment You Realize What You've Done, It's Too Late There's a moment in Talk To Me (2022) where your heart just drops into your stomach because the main character has finally made a decision so reprehensible that there's no coming back from it. They're changed. It's the Black Swan moment, Orpheus looking back, Macbeth emerging from the bed chambers bloodied and shaking, it's shame and guilt on an earth-shattering scale, it's inevitable, it could only have happened through choice, your honor it's a good TROPE