#loVE the full length novel omg

[countthelions]

My kindle died so i wasn't able to finish the book tonight which is probably for the best but also [wails sadly in the distance]

[pennedinblood]

as of ten minutes ago we are officially Jobless™️. my sign to retire early and devote the remainder of my existence to writing toxic old man yaoi

[sehtoast]

shoutout to The Boys for revolutionizing superpowered smut

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SEMI FINALS

*NOTE; propaganda is out of order due to the post length!

Eugenides Propaganda:

the entire plot hinges on a detail he lets the reader (and every other character) assume is true. I don't want to spoil it because it's a really fun reveal but he is lying from the first second he appears on the page and you can't trust him to tell the full truth about ANYTHING related to himself and his goals. he mostly does it to keep his advantage and not have other characters be suspicious of him but it's just so fun when you realise he's been lying the whole time

Kim Dokja Propaganda:

I haven't read orv but he's fucking gotta be from what I've osmosised

He tries to remove his emotions out of the narrative soooo much, literally the most repressed guy ever. Okay so for context orv is about how this guy, Kim Dokja, has been the only reader of an obscure post-apocalyptic webnovel for years and the novel suddenly becomes reality. And at first you'll probably get the weird impression that his behavior is pretty strange for, you know, a literal apocalypse happening in his world - like yes, he is concerned with survival but he doesn't seem all that scared and he kinda treats it like a video game where he has to grind to make himself stronger and he also treats his companions like a party in an rpg. Then there's also the way he approaches the protagonist of the webnovel, from the start he just kind of describes him as a ruthless psychopath and jerk that is unfortunately a pretty useful ally. And also there's the fact that he carefully omits any mention of his past and when somebody asks if he's worried about his family when the apocalypse starts he just kinda... brushes it off? Anyway so yeah, this bastard is definitely traumatized, although I don't know how much of spoiler territory that would be, considering the fact that literally when he first reveals his trauma he's also unreliable about it. And turns out he does indeed, care A LOT about this world and the people around him. Because well, he kinda didn't care to mention that this webnovel that has become reality was like... literally his whole world before it literally became his whole world. Like, it was the only thing keeping him going for 10+ years and the protagonist that he likes to call a stupid jerk was his comfort character who he pretended to be when he felt like he couldn't handle something in his life by being himself. The protagonist is also canonically the person he loves the most according to a prophecy and he literally can't fathom the thought of him dying, even the timeline versions of him that directly oppose him. And I haven't even mentioned the Fourth Wall yet but I feel like this propaganda is a little long already

misreading the intentions of his companion (yoo joonghyuk) so many time.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTANDDD DOKJA IS SUCH A UNRELIABLE NARRATORRRRRR GOD I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY BUT I KNOW YOU LOVE DOKJA TOO BUT OMG HE'S JUST SO AAAAAAAAAAAH

Rest of Propaganda under cut!

he is the worst like actually. he starts the story talking about how normal and average he is. he is not. he is constantly mischaracterizing his friends and he's so good at lying to the readers that you don't even realize it at first. almost every single time he cries we have to be told by other characters because he never says it himself. there is literally a scene where his narration says "i wasn't crying" and then the in-universe entity that narrates the actions of people (orv is really weird and meta) says that he was, in fact, crying. honestly genuinely anything he says about himself (or doesn't say) cannot be trusted. he is just so frustrating. he drives me mad. i love him dearly. but he drives me so mad.

Dictionary definition of unreliable narrator. Does not tell the reader anything and then things happen and he's like oh yeah btw there was also this and this earlier but i just didn't feel like mentioning it. There's even a thing called the "Fourth Wall" that is able to see through kdj's bs so occasionally you get gems like,

Kim Dokja: I didn't cry

The Fourth Wall: [Kim Dokja was crying]

Imagine being so unreliable as a narrator you need a more powerful narrator to call out the actual narrator.

^ same submission, just spacing it out

This goes into spoiler territory, but; Kim Dokja is in possession of a skill called the Fourth Wall, which on the surface seems like it appears because he read the book that reverse-isekai’d into his own. However, as the story goes on it becomes clear that it’s pretty much a souped up version of his pre-existing dissociation. You cannot trust him to be honest about his feelings, his past traumas or his feelings about his past traumas, not to mention his tendency to just outright omit information that only gets revealed later on either when it becomes relevant or when an outsider POV reveals what’s actually happening.

Exhibit A: he says (in 1st person POV) that he’s not crying. The Fourth Wall immediately contradicts this (as it is literally words of the novel) by saying (in 3rd person POV) ‘Kim Dokja was crying’.

Exhibit B: Fails to mention entire actions when it shows him emotionally honest even in the slightest; we had to read from another character entirely when Kim Dokja was being physically affectionate with his companion. It’s so bad that there’s this entire paragraph about Kim Dokja describing himself hiding his eyes in his hands in jerky, weirdly specific detail and just AVOIDING EVERY WORD THAT MIGHT SHOW HE’S CRYING. The brilliance of ORV is that when you re-read the entire thing you get hints that ‘yes, this WAS hinted at the entire time’ but you have to dig it out of Kim Dokja’s repressed, depressed self-hating internal dialogue with your own two hands.

^ same submission, spacing it out (i really should've done this earlier.)

i am a simple man (not a man). i see a tumblr text post with the words “unreliable narrator in it”. i read nothing else. i reblog & tag #kim dokja okay but in all seriousness i’m just going with the musty basic example: so there’s this moment where he sacrifices himself to save this guy. as he lays on the ground bleeding out, he says “hey, you don’t like me, right? you should kill me to get some money” the guy says “no kim dokja i cant do that (going through the five stages of grief except there’s only one and it’s anger)” the constellations (twitch viewers irl) are like omg he (the guy) doesn’t want to kill his companion (kim dokja) and shower him (the guy) with money kim dokja: oh, he’s not killing me for the money. smart!

as i quote a brilliant youtube video (all of omniscient reader’s viewpoint in 6 minutes) “yoo joonghyuk sees kim dokja as a c_____”

yoo joonghyuk: companion

kim dokja: cunt

^ same submission, once again. spacing it out.

Hides his true feelings, tells the readers what he thinks is convenient for the plot and that his own personal feelings don’t matter or are not so significant. Has unreliable thoughts abt his companion and is a liar. And is also an omniscient reader.

Kim Dokja always perceived his companions in this like nonchalant way like “oh yeah we get along but really we’re just fighting to survive (apocalypse setting) it doesn’t run that deep” when they all do genuinely care for him and he does in turn. He just, doesn’t think of it as an equal relationship? Dokja’ll sacrifice a lot for them but will get seriously flabbergasted if they do the same thing, so fricking problematic. Not to mention Yoo Joonghyuk, his “Life and Death Companion” (read: husband). Kim Dokja always seems to think that Joonghyuk has it out for him, which is kinda true, but he is literally blind to the fact that he’s attached to him. Like, it’s so obvious??? Also they have hella sexual tension but that’s another thing entirely

se get some many pov changes where kdj in his pov just assumed things based on what he knew the characters would do. however because of his interference the characters have changed and he wouldn’t know that if it hit him in the face

He's an unreliable narrator because he lies to himself and thus the audience. He literally rewrote his own childhood core memory. If someone says, "this guy is my friend!" He will go through so many hoola hoops in his mind just to rationalize it. Because he fundamentally believe that no one could love him and even if they did they couldn't know him and he's just gonna hurt them. He cries sometimes in canon but a lot of those times it's not even mentioned as crying he's that unreliable of a narrator. No joke, one time this guys he has a gay thing with called him his "companion" to someone who had just killed him (long story) and this bitch thought "oh wow he's doing it for the coins (another long story) he's so smart i wish I'd thought to that. He's terrible. He literally has an exchange with something called the Fourth Wall (an even longer story) where it said "you're crying" and he said "no I'm not" but he was crying. He makes me insane because the reader is supposed to project onto him. He made me see how much of an unreliable narrator I WAS. ORV is just like that tho.

[merakiui]

Omg Cupid Parasite!! That's one of my favourite otome games because of how funny and unhinged it can be. If you do get around to playing it please tell us about your experience as much as possible(lol).

I love, love your writing Mera!! I am lowkey obsessed with your blog and the way you manage to come up with so many ideas and execute them so nicely. I'm very curious to know how what your journey was to becoming a writer. What pieces of fiction inspired you to start writing? Do you have any favourite novels? Also, do you think you'd ever want to publish your own novels someday? If so, what genre would you most want to delve into? Hope I'm not bombarding you with questions😭😭

You can count on it, anon!!! (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ I will gladly share the full experience once I buy and play through it. >w< Meraki Game Review!!!!!

AAAAA thank youuuuUUUU!!!! T^T <3 I'm so happy you enjoy my writing and blog!!!!!!! Also,,, thank you for being curious about my writing journey!! :D you're not bombarding me with questions at all!! I love to ramble about writing hehe.

✧ what pieces of fiction inspired you to start writing?

A lot of fantasy and adventure novels! I used to read those genres obsessively when I was little. The first story I ever wrote was an adventure plot for a school assignment. It was 17 pages and even illustrated by yours truly lol. The page limit was 1-2, but eight-year-old Meraki couldn't tell a story in such short page length! I remember I used a piano bench as my table and I didn't stop writing and drawing until I was finished. I would snack on cucumber slices during the process. Even though it's such a random memory, I cherish it dearly because it was the first time I realized I was genuinely passionate about storytelling.

Anime/manga was also another big inspiration! In my early teenage years, I loved shows like Assassination Classroom, Black Butler, Watamote, Owari no Seraph, Pandora Hearts, Danganronpa, HETALIA. Omg,,,, what an era that was.........

Reading yan oc stories also inspired me to write yandere fics!! Before writing yan fandom, I wrote a lot of yandere ocs. They are my most beloveds. I adore my ocs. ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ഒ

✧ do you have any favorite novels?

I do! I love the Red Eye series. It's a collection of various horror novels. I read them a lot in my early teenage years. They're all wonderfully written. So much atmosphere in each one! I really enjoy YA literature, especially YA horror. There are plenty of other novels (lots of horror classics), but I can't seem to recall all of them at the moment. ;;;; orz too many to keep up with...

✧ do you think you'd ever want to publish novels someday?

YES. OTL it's been my dream ever since I was little. I've always wanted to publish a novel.

✧ what genre would you delve into?

Definitely horror/thriller! I'd also like to write a fantasy/adventure series. I have plenty of novel plots/concepts and wips, so there is definitely plenty of material to work with.

[silawastaken]

I love seeing people compare music to their favourite characters and go like 'oh yeah this verse might be this character... and then this one is the other one... and then this little bit here is them both honestly. Or something like that' because I HAVE gone through every taylor swift song on evermore and folklore and compared it to skk. Sorry to be autistic on the writing account, but this is a fanfic writing account and I'm writing my second novel length fic about them so what did you expect.

folklore/evermore are very canon skk, and verge into fanon and some songs are the reason for very specific head canons, or some of the ways I write the way they perceive each other. 1989... DON'T GET ME STARTED OMFG HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO BLANK SPACE? I THINK IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT HAVE AND OMG IT'S SO SKK CODED LIKE WTF. I HAVE VERY FIRM OPINIONS ABOUT WHICH LYRICS ARE THEIRS. Also the vault tracks literally exist what more do you want from me. 'i think about jumping off of very tall somethings just to see you come running and say the one thing I've been wanting' okay dazai pack it up you did that already, beast exists. 'i call my mom sister she said that it was for the best remind myself the more i gave you'd want me less' yeah yeah chuuya we know he left you get over it, it wasn't personal(think that line could go for either of them but the other line 'the way you faded till i left' feels more Dazai personally). Plus suburban legends. For personal reasons I struggle to listen to song without SPIRALING FUCK YOU THAT ONE PERSON SEHDHSSJNS but very skk as well 'we were born to be national treasures' is very soulmates of them. And out of the woods screams them in fanfic when they try to get better. Red, straight away all too well. They both remember it all too well. All too well skk cover with switching vocals anyone? The last time. The one with gary lightbody. Underrated song, is my favourite on that album, and SO THEM. 'this is the last time you tell me ive got it wrong, this is the last time i wont hurt you anymore' because they're fated to be together and are constantly drawn to each other and yet keep HURTING EACH OTHER RAGH. also 'we are never getting back together' is pretty funny and nice when applied to them. also state of grace. any taylor song with a mild drop of religious imagery is them cause yeah. but 'i never saw you coming, and I'll never be the same'... okay pack it up, we don't have time for your yearning. 'you were never a saint' (dazai abt chuuya) 'and i loved in shades of wrong' (bc hes toxic and doesnt know how to healthily like people) 'we learned to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts' (bc they continue anyway and stick it out, living with the pain of being bad for each other because of how deeply they care). I almost do. Dazai after leaving. moving on to more religion, holy ground. 'for the first time i had something to lose' 'and i guess we fell apart in the usual way, and the storys got dust on every page' AAAAAA IT'S THEM. Can't really speak on debut- but I've listened to our song and picture to burn and if picture to burn isn't a vengeful chuuya idk what is. BOY OH BOY SPEAK NOW.

excuse me. one moment.

Mine- literally a skk au

Sparks fly- 'the way you move is like a rainstorm and im a house full of cards, you're the kind of reckless that should send me running' that entire verse screams dazai's fascination with corrupted chuuya, and the whole song is well yeah

back to december- dazai when they reunite just trust me on it just trust me on it. the repetition was intentional, that's how serious i am. 'i go back to december all the time' 'I got back to december to make it all right'

speak now- might just be me but it really makes me think of teen skk in fanfic harbouring urges to ruin the others relationship for 'some reason. I don't know, seeing him with her just... irks me'.

the story of us- first verse is chuuya, second verse is dazai, and the third is them both because they're LOSERS and they LOVE EACH OTHER and FUCK I'm CRYING NOW. 'id tell you i miss you but i don't know how' EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BASTARD.

enchanted- self explanatory. for more context, i really think it's from dazai's pov in this case, could probably be both, but dazai fell first and harder so it's really like god he's been in love ever since he got kicked into that wall he wants him around forever. He held Chuuya's hand in the fight with rimbaud and then had all those close moments in the manga and went home to lie on his bed kicking his feet and giggling don't lie. (god im still crying this isn't helping)

better than revenge- they're both pretty vengeful idk it makes me think of iwsynttr for some reason

haunted- chuuya pov. 'i thought i had you figured out, something's gone terribly wrong' 'stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had' they're so sad, but the general idea of chuuya thinking he has figured out dazai and knowing how he thinks and then dazai just leaves suddenly and he's like 'Wow! I thought i knew you. How do i forget this'. 'wont finish what you started' bringing chuuya into the mafia then leaving it.

last kiss- 'you told me you love me so why did you go away' chuuya pov again oh god it hurts why am i doing this to myself? 'never imagined we'd end like this, your name, forever the name on my lips' yep yep ow.

LONG LIVE.- LISTEN. TO. THE. SONG. AND TELL ME IT'S NOT DAZAI AND CHUUYA. I COULD DO A WHOLE ANALYSIS ON JUST THIS SONG. 'promise me this, that you'll stand by me forever, but if god forbid fate should step in, and force us into a goodbye...please tell them my name, tell them how the crowds went wild, tell them how i hope they shine, long live the walls we crashed through, i had the time of my life with you' FUCK IT'S DAZAI AN HE'S IN LOVE WITH CHUUYA AND DOESNT KNOW ODAS GONNA DIE YET, JUST THINKS HE DOESNT GET TO KEEP ANYTHING HE WANTS. FUUUUUCK. THEY'RE IN LOVE AND DAZAI WANTS IT REMEMBERED PLEASE I'M SO SAD.

anyway, i can't pretend I'm normal about skk anymore i haven't even covered fearless, reputation, lover or midnights please somebody encourage me to actually write full things dedicated to each album and the most fitting songs from said albums please i'll do it and plus i need to actually gather proof for my autism diagnosis appointment so this would be a good way to to that probably. anyway yeah this'll never make it out my drafts lol

[wordstome]

YOUR König thoughts are some xgame shit oh em goodness “Aside from the fact he’s hung like a horse” YOU DID NOT. That’s disgusting. You should be ashamed. (I agree wholeheartedly)

But it got me thinking about König meeting a sniper!Reader? Cannot be a healthy dynamic but I’m a sucker for emotionally dysfunctional men.

Imagine you show up one day, butt unceremoniously into his life and introduce yourself in a way that drums up an uncomfortable tightness in his chest. He’s all too smitten and then your introduction has to go and end with ‘-and I’ll be joining the team as a resident sniper’. Those butterflies in his stomach turn into a weight on his heart.

Why you of all people? He was rejected and reassigned. His long-term aspirations snuffed out like nothing. Meanwhile, you complain about the bruising below your clavicle? Ridiculous, stupid thing you are to be so ungrateful.

Doesn’t matter if you actually aren’t whining as much as he thinks you are. From the minute he finds out what position you’re taking, everything he says and does is vindictive and downright rude. He doesn’t do it consciously and afterwards his internal monologue is just a running cycle of ‘why did I say/do that?’ Not to mention the dent in his wall from banging his head against it lmaoo

His regret doesn’t stop the impulse to make snide comments that fray your nerves. More than they already are just by being proximal to the huge man, that is. What you were experiencing at his hand was unnervingly like how he was treated was back in school. Or going through basic training with COs screaming up at him and degrading him.

It takes you finally sitting him down, the built-up exasperation at his behaviour driving you to be a lot more imposing to him that someone of your size should’ve been, for him to sort out his feelings. After acknowledging that he really had nothing against you (besides jealousy) that initial feeling of fixation returns.

A couple months of annoyance too late, if your huff of irritation was any indicator. It’ll take him awhile to get over that built-up resentment, none of which is technically your fault, but you can figure out some kind of union fwb situation? Right?

It would make such a good slow burn sobbing and rolling but that was completely unnecessary no idea where that came from. I’m so glad my cod interest and my fanfiction writing era didn’t overlap because I would be working like a dog on full-length novels about these men omg

-Dented and Recruited anon 🫡

MY FAVORITE ANON GRACES MY INBOX AGAIN...look, it's not my fault, they literally gave him a bulge. Is it just protective equipment? Probably! But you can't tell me a 6'5"-10" man doesn't have a dick to match. Come ONNNNN

*ahem* wow. Anyway . you GET IT. you GET IT! ! ! ! angel of small death was the first König drabble I ever did, and I still plan on returning to it!!! This is exactly the sort of dynamic I wanted to put in AAAAAAAAA I'm in love!! König sabotaging his damn self...yea we gotta make this man squirm. I will write these ideas for you babe but if you ever do feel a little bit of that writing era overlap coming on I will be the first in line to read what you've got stored in that brilliant brain 👀

[letsquestjess]

Going to put this under a read more because it's a bit of a rant, but I needed to get it off my chest.

You know, I really fought with the idea of uploading my stuff to AO3, and this is why. I used to post fics on there way in the past and this was the kind of shit I got. The fic has barely been up on there for a few hours. On here, I get lovely comments, and even if people did have a problem with anything I've written, they don't say it. I have only experienced kindness and encouragement, and it is something I am incredibly grateful for.

But this shit really annoys me. It seems like such an unnecessary comment to make.

For anyone who hasn't read it, In the Midst of the Storm is a super short fic I wrote way before season 3 came out, where Crosshair got away from the Empire, managed to snag some intel, and met with Cody to hand it over to him. At the end, Cross leaves. In my mind, he had stuff he wanted to do. I didn't want the fic to be a full-length novel; it was just a fun idea I had.

I get the feeling this person doesn't like Cody or some of his actions, but it just feels like they didn't need to make this comment. Sure, don't like stuff, there's plenty of stuff out there I don't like, but I don't feel the need to make backhanded comments. I just shrug and scroll on.

I could understand if they had commented something like 'omg, can't believe Cody let Crosshair leave'. It's the sarcastic 'what a good brother!' that basically drives the knife in.

And yeah, I probably comes across as a sensitive writer (which, I suppose in a way I am at times), but I'm resisting the urge to comment back just like 'yeah, he let him leave. AND?'

Thinking of holding off posting the rest of my stuff on there for now, possibly just deleting my account (even though I only set it up today) if this is the kind of comments I'm going to get. If all I'm going to get is people ripping into the silly fics I write for a bit of fun, it just isn't worth it.

[thedevillionaire]

Anon-ing: yeah, I wanna echo several people here in saying that your writing is BLAZINGLY hot while also squarely hitting the Domestic Caretaking Buttons every time. In particular I love (LOVE) (LOOOOOOVE) that you have a fully fleshed-out universe with a cast of thousands in which it’s all situated, because that is SUCH CATNIP. I think you’d be surprised by how many of us are following your “vanilla” blog about this universe.

I also want to commend you for being such a lovely and perceptive cheerleader of other people’s writing. ROCK ON

😮💘OMG. Omg omg omg + some flailing. Ahh, anon, thank you so, SO much for this. For the wonderful compliments on my writing and its world , oh...I just... Ah, jeez. The Underworld is the fiction that ate my life, and I've got so mad at it (a lot) over the fucking so many years I've known it for (a) not allowing me to ever successfully/ lastingly come up with anything else, and (b) ALSO not being marketable in any real sense, a fair bit of which is to do with my personal inability to actually write a sensible, linear, full-length novel instead of The Constant Highlights Reel (Feat. Sneezing, Probably), and yet...and yet I also love the fuck out of it, and so in this stupid sexy vicious circle I remain. That anybody else reads it and enjoys it is incredible, and a genuine absolute. fucking. delight. And I gasped at the vanilla blog mention. Holy shit, really? Really? Ahh, ffs, I'm crying again.

THANK YOU. Above and beyond, thank you.

[desceros]

So I'm this anon... (And this is gonna be long and a little sappy because it's like 4:40am-ish as I'm writing this, I'm so sorry, I wouldn't have the confidence otherwise):

"I gotta know, gotta ask- HOW do you write the way that you do?? How does one get to that point? I've been wanting to write fanfics for awhile now, but I don't know where to start, and just... do you have any advice at all for beginners? Because you're like... really good at what you do!!"

-Except I finally made a blog to keep my interests anonymous, and while I feel scared still (I am like... an overly ashamed person over interests and such), I want to get over it.

Just wanted to say that like... I had already liked your writing before, but I had been trying to stay away from Symphony at least until there was more written... I caved and read it all today because of the asks you've been getting, finishing up just like thirty minutes ago at 4:30am because restless nights. And I just wanna say that like... the feelings I'm having right now are certified crazy. I feel empty but like... so, so full all at once?? I spent the last few chapters of reading crying (So much so that I had to stop a few times just to see), only to realize that I was picturing everything in my head that I was reading. Vividly, or as much so as I can, with my imagination being more... vibes than anything, anymore. Like, settings and everything are easy. Feelings like rain and stuff too. But I haven't been able to picture things this vividly, haven't been able to focus so intently on reading and just reading... since early high school at the least?? Well over five years ago. It's a feeling that I've craved desperately, to sink into a different world and just exist there... and it's not the same that it used to be, but it made me cry all the same, to have even a fraction of that feeling back.

And I mean, a lot can be said about me as a person that a fucking tmnt fanfic (More like a few tmnt fanfics) gets me back into a headspace that I've been chasing for literal, actual years, but I think it's more an indicator of the intensity and thought behind your writing than anything. It feels silly, but like... reading what you write feels like a gift to me, just for the fact that I can get even a slight bit of the magic of reading back, something I have truly, wholly missed for so long. Even more so because I want to write again, to finally, actually write- Which... I mean it's the internet and I'm not gonna trauma dump, just... It's important for me to say, important to me that I specify. I've lost these feelings, the ability to focus on reading, and been unable to write, among other things, due to a lot of trauma. And the fact that I'm getting this back almost solely because of you, it means so much to me, and it wouldn't feel right not to say it.

As silly and cheesy and sappy as it feels... just... genuinely thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for being so unafraid to be yourself and do what you do, pouring so much time and thought into the things you enjoy. It really, truly inspires others to do the same, and it inspires me to be less shameful, less apologetic about myself and my interests, and more brave. I'm gonna wrap this up before I write you a fucking novel though (Especially because it's past 5am as I'm wrapping this up, and I'm not doing so well- definitely didn't spend 30 minutes on this...), just like... I don't know. I had to get this out of my system. You're great, super, super great. I'm afraid I haven't articulated my thoughts well enough, but if I mull them over forever, I'll get too scared to send this. And if I start writing again, when I start writing again because damn it I will, I want you to know it's almost singlehandedly thanks to you, as well as the rest of the lovely tmnt fandom.

(Again I'm so, so sorry for the length and sappiness omg I swear I have a sense of shame and will be embarrassed after adequate rest... Gonna go hide in my hole now)

puts my hands on your shoulders. looks you in the eyes. i am. So Proud Of You.

first. let me say that i am really. just insanely aware that admitting that youve been in a dark place and moving out of it is a difficult, difficult thing to talk about. it’s a difficult place to be. it’s like. an advanced performance of humanity in a way. reaching into your own brain and scooping out the parts that don’t make you happy anymore. it’s so. so hard. important. valuable. life-changing. but hard.

and i’m proud of you for doing it. i’m?? so amazingly touched??? to know that i had any hand in that. holy shit. sick. but my part in this is small, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you right now. you’re the one doing all the hard, difficult work. and i’m rooting for you!!!

i know there’s a lot of stigma against ‘trauma dumping’ and for good reason. but i also think it’s important to be able to open yourself up and discuss the vulnerabilities you feel. that’s how humans are meant to heal our souls. with one another, hand in hand. i hope sending this made you feel better. i hope reading my response will make you feel better. i hope you are able to find that place of healing. i’ve been there myself and it’s—it’s nice. being able to feel things again.

be unashamed. be unafraid. let your heart grasp the things that bring you joy. write the things that make you happy. chase your light and bottle it for the days when things feel dark again.

thank you so much for such a lovely ask. it really made my day and brought me so much joy and happiness. may that now turn upon you threefold 🌸

[vanamation]

After seeing them as part of Yeehawgust I decided to poke through your prosper&vale tag and I just wanna say I’m *obsessed* with these cowboys omg. And I love your style, it’s so charming!! I saw on an older post you’d mentioned a comic(I think) you’d been posting on IG? Is that still a thing by chance?

Ahhh you are too kind!! I’m so glad you like my cowboys, thank you for taking an interest them!!

IF I remember correctly, the comic I mentioned was a sequence of illustrations that went along with a “short story” (it was actually the first chapter of a novel I’d written but I was too nervous to talk about it publicly so I just called it a short story haha). I never finished the full sequence and ended up archiving all the posts just to keep the story under wraps until I was ready to do more with it.

I do intend to do something with it eventually, whether I post the book online and/or adapt it into a full length comic. But right now it just exists as random drawings, many of them Yeehawgust posts. :) (Shoutout to Yeehawgust for giving me an outlet to share my boys!!)

If you do want to see more of them, I have a Prosper and Vale highlight on my Instagram page that has some sketchbook sketches sprinkled in, and on my portfolio website, the first sequence is a suuuper early version of a story moment in click-thru storyboard format.

Thank you for the ask!! It might just be the first I’ve ever gotten on this account and it made my week :’D

[edwinspaynes]

Sylvain Allard!!!!! omg !!!!!! Just read and am absolutely buzzing!

What are your thoughts on him? 🤭 are u happy? Intrigued? Excited? Is it for sure for sure confirmed that he’s the love interest?!

Ugh now I wish it wasn’t just a novella but an actual standalone novel 😭😭😭😭 plssssss I really hope this novel is long. We Matthew fans deserve a thick book too 🙏🙏🤗🤗🤗✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

It's NOT confirmed that Sylvain is Matthew's love interest. It's my speculation based on the description of him.

I'm pumped! Honestly, all I want for Matthew is a love interest that makes him happy. I would deeply prefer the character not be immortal because I've had enough of mortal/immortal ships and I think Matthew would take it poorly re: Dorian Gray. All.ard is a Shadowhunter name, I think, which will be nice, and I don't think Cassie would set up the Mortality Horrors in a novella that people can't all access.

I think it's neat that Sylvain is French, if he is indeed the love interest. Matthew loved Paris so much, and I really want for him to be able to recontextualize it positively so it's not just the place where he hit rock bottom.

As for length: Cassie said a while back it would be around 150 pages. I was also disappointed when it turned out to be one novella rather than the full bindup she alluded to a couple of times, but maybe she felt like she told the story perfectly within one novella. Sometimes less is more with her, and also I can't complain that much since we're getting Thomastair and Herondaisy stories in Better in Black, lol. I hope he and his LI cameo in Better in Black, too, but I'm treating the novella as It for Matthew solely for my own sanity.

[heartpascal]

i screamed and cried you got exactly what i was i was thinking but also so much better in my ask about if the door wasn't shut, it's like you're inside my brain. but i have more thoughts since you said you liked them :)

also this is my second time typing this out bc my phone died when i went to send it the first time, so if you get this twice that's my bad😭

but you're so right, i just feel like after everything along with all it took for her to truly feel settled, she wouldn't be able to leave like that. especially not without someone else influencing her to, whether that be actively or passively. but imo, in addition to joel, a big part of why she wouldn't leave is because tommy left, and she wouldn't be able to bring herself to leave maria too

and tommy leaving is so stuck in my head because you're so right(this whole thing is just me agreeing with you😭) that would be so crazy for her. because tommy was there and he knows what that was like for r and joel on both ends. so for him to leave after all that? i actually think in a way it'd be worse than when joel left. because obviously r was hurt and angry with joel, but she gets to a point where she can start to understand why he did what he did and bridge that with the fact that it was okay to feel how she did, and work on reconciling that with joel. but for tommy, that base hurt/anger mixed with grief? and on top of him leaving maria and his kid, and r's own guilt, and everything else like. it would just all be too much. because how can you move past that even when he does come back? their relationship would be forever changed more so than it obviously already is. it's devastating and tragic i'm literally foaming at the mouth i need to write essays about this

obviously she goes with jesse and saves him and everyone comes home safe and okay🥲😭

no but fr i know i'm stuck on the idea of her staying behind, but it's breaking my heart so bad. bc part of her probably did feel like she should go, so she's already going to feel some type of way after she doesn't. but it would just ruin her when jesse doesn't come back. i feel like she'd be stuck for a while on how could she have let him go, and how could she have stayed behind, and how could the rest of them let this happen, when really it wasn't in any of their control. i could sob about it.

dina and her raising jj together means everything to me your mind is so powerful. i need several full length novels about it full of feelings😭

anon i cannot TELL YOU how much i love this and you. YOU MAKE MY DAY!!! i love love LOVE hearing your thoughts it feeds my own fr :’) and omg 😭i’ve only gotten it the once but i feel for you </3 having to type all this out a second time omg

you are so incredibly correct like i cannot even explain. please excuse me if my thoughts are incoherent i am going to do my best 🫡

tlou part two spoilers under the cut

reader and tommy’s relationship would NEVER be the same. honestly i don’t think there would even be a chance for forgiveness like there was with joel. especially because joel did have to go, he didn’t have to leave her, but he did have to go. whereas tommy??? no!!! he could have stayed. he could have done what his brother has been trying to do for YEARS and he could have let it go, for the sake of his wife and his child and R!!!!!!! tommy had so many things in jackson that he should’ve stayed for, and he didn’t. and i don’t think r would’ve been able to forgive that.

not to mention the effects on tommy’s appearance after seattle! i have always always thought that he was reasonable (to himself) for being fucking furious with ellie. because he lost everything, going after abby. he lost his wife, his friends, his functionality???, and ellie seemingly didn’t lose a thing. all the while abby got away just fine! so yeah i think his reaction, considering his state of mind, was reasonable. right? no. but reasonable? yes. BUT!!! imagine the effects of losing reader too???? not to mention how much more damage this would do to his marriage as well like ???? :( maria might have been able to forgive him, one day, but seeing what he did to r, who she sees as her own child???? NO!!!!

so yeah. tommy and reader would never be the same. i’m not sure r would even be able to speak to him again. honestly she’s going through it 😭 loses joel and then tommy and possibly jesse along with him? guys. please. she doesn’t deserve this.

i jsut cant get over it :( she just wouldn’t be able to understand what would possess tommy to leave after everything he’s seen her go through :( after everything he’s HELPED her through :( i think she would really struggle for a long time. she’s lost the only thing she had left of the childhood she never really got, and alongside it, the parent she had always thought she would never have :(

I CAN BARELT TALK ABOUT JESSE WITHOUT AOBBING AND SCREAMING AND CRYING. god. why did they do that to him.

she DID feel like she should go 😭 i think it would’ve been maria’s reassurance and support that would’ve been the only reason she didn’t go when ellie did. BJT JESSE???? he would’ve told her to stay. and she would’ve because she trusted him and she loved him and she KNEW he would come back. he wasn’t leaving her like everybody else because he would never. he had seen her through the good, the bad and the REALLY bad and he had never once even considered stepping out the door. he’s the man. he’s the myth. he’s the legend. she never gets to keep good things.

and then he doesn’t come back? ellie and dina come back to jackson, dragging a half-dead tommy behind them, and they didn’t even bring back jesse’s body. (in my mind anwyay. they were already injured as it was and just trying to keep tommy alive.) i don’t think she would know what to do with that. i don’t think she would know how to live with that. how do you carry on as if everything is fine when it’s so clearly not? jesse was the one person she knew would always come back to her, and in her mind, because of ellie and dina, he hadn’t.

so yeah. the only good relationship she would have left following joel’s death would be with maria. maria who becomes her rock. maria who leans on her and allows herself to be leaned on in return. maria who is the love of my life.

i just cant get over it. i just cant. like imagine. the devastation of jesse’s death would be unmatched. it truly would. how does one person handle so much loss? and the guilt? what does she do with that?

just thinking about maria holding r’s shoulder as she hands her the chalkboard and lets her write jesse’s name. maria hugging r when she cries over not even know when he died. maria figuring it out from the botched recounts that ellie and dina give. maria writing it on the board and holding r’s hand as she shows her.

[judasgot-it]

this isn’t exactly a request but if you have the time and also feel like doing it could you just- idk, say everything that u like about Tetcho?? Just anything and everything that comes to your mind whether it be about the way he’s written by Asagiri, or anything really lol because I have a feeling you really like him

I want to save this for Wednesday but if anything major changes (probably will. Everyday I thank bones for making him their fave) ill add more cause AHGGGHGGHG this man....

Not enough Tecchou lovers out there. Asagari hasn't said anything on his backstory and I'm waiting for it so for now I'm making shit up (all I know is that IRL Tecchou was from a rich samurai family so how that ads to his character? Idk. Im sticking with child soldier tho for now one day ill write a fic)

BUT AHHHHHHHHHH OMG listen with what we DO have he's a good character. He clearly cares for his teammates, he's the person who cares about Jouno even when Fukuchi never believed in him being a good person (thats actually upsetting af but Tecchou is a real one for seeing Jouno for who he is)

HE LOVES ANTS AND RESPECTS LUCY BECAUSE SHE CARES ABOUT HER FRIENDS EVEN THOUGH HE GENIUENLY THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE TERRORISTS AT THE TIME !!! HES A GOOD MAN !!!

He would put those he loves above justice, the thing he put his life on the line for its crazy !!! He plays the hero, but at the end of the day, his friends and family mean more, and that's wild cause that goes against his entire thing !!!

Literally, even though he hasn't been in the series long for what we do have so far, I can't help but like him, idk what it is about him but he's a likable character for me

Sometimes I like to think about him and cry like the loser I am. Anyway.

Since this is my soap box moment for talking about Tecchou and all my thoughts I need to add a theory here - he quite possibly is a foil for Fukuchi

Fukuchi was in the war and saw soldiers die for one another in horrific ways that no one should see - it changed him. He told Fukuzawa that he never wanted to see that horror again.

But Tecchou is clearly thay same soldier again, what he WANTED to prevent from happening, who is willing to die for his comrades in war no matter what

LIKE FUKUCHI MADE A WHOLE ASS FAMILY WITH THE HUNTING DOGS AND THEN DESTROYED IT IN THE SAME WAY HE WAS TRAUMATIZED BY. LIKE WTF

But unlike Fukuchi, I don't think Tecchou would become a monster. He still has some semblance of humanity. He can remove himself from his sense of 'justice' and care about those around him.

It's a ramble but I like to think there's a Tecchou v Fukuchi fight coming up eventually and Tecchou would win. CAUSE ITS SO NOT FAIR THAT HE KILLED HIS COMRADES TURNED THEM INTO VAMPIRES AND THEN GETS AWAY WITH IT CAUSE OF A TIME SWORD LIKE WHAT

Anyway that is another ramble but I love him, he and Jouno are among my favs cuz they're so silly and I think have some deeper character development that might be explored later in the series. I'm praying and hoping every chapter that they come back.

Pleaaaasssseeeeeeeeeee asagari LIKE IM BEGGING YOU I HAVE FAITH IN THEM

Anyway I'll possibly add on later but anon ily I'm giving you many air kisses mwah

My last thoughts on Tecchou. Why isn't he real bro

Also omg I could write a full length novel on him cause this man must be immaculate. Idc if he isn't real I'm gonna make shit up about him. I'm delulu craycray a freak a weirdo !!

[infernal-feminae]

💖💖💖

send a 💖and the mun will talk about a random mutual they love and appreciate!!

@infernal-general

Jasmine fr is one of my best friends on this site. I don't know where I'd be without her because I feel like I can talk to her about anything and she has always been there for me. Also, I swear to you that you will not find a more creative person on here and she and her OCs deserve more love. Seriously, this woman should be writing full-length novels with her talent omg

@the-delightful-temptation

Sky is awesome and anyone who thinks differently you're wrong actually. We've been following each other for a few years now and we've created so many storylines together on and off tumblr. Our Charlie x Ozzie threads are the ones I cherish most. He's creative and funny and just a kind-hearted person and his Ozzie is so wonderfully charismatic with a bad side you don't want to be on.

@arachn0philia

Gold!!! Gold!!! GOLD!!!! God they're literally the first person to follow me since I literally started rping on tumblr. I've been here to witness their Angel Dust's growth from the beginning (mostly lol). I've loved watching their writing evolve over the years and I can't wait to see how they'll continue to evolve!

[slowdripsunrise]

ok yeah its 4 am idc book review time for the salt grows heavy by cassandra khaw!!! spoilers under the cut :)

KLMELDKFCMLEKRMFLKVMLEKRMVLKERMVKLM AHHGGHGGBHGH 5 stars. off the bat. oughghgg i think this is one of my first 5 star book in a while tbh.... actually idk. whatever.

first off one of my favorite things about this book was the setting. ohhhhh my god the beauty of the taiga the beauty of snow!!!!!!! cold!!!!!!!!!!! like good lord do i hate being cold but new england november is killing me i need 5ft of snow rn or i will die. i think if this story was set in any other environment it wouldn't have hit as hard for me,,, even some place just as harsh and cold wouldn't have worked this specific beauty of the taiga and the snow, the descriptions of the aspens and cedars and pines,,, the desolation it causes to the village around them. the imagery of this basically religious cult of children surrounded by cold and dark forest !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fav. fav ever omg.

the characters..... oggghhh the mermaid and the plague doctor, HER plague doctor, them together was so sos os so sweet. i loved it so much ohhh my god the tenderness there that i could Feel, without any real physical/sexual intimacy. and each of them on their own, the plague doctor's general care for others, for the children even if they was so indifferent about the mass murder of the kingdom lol. the sweetness without ulterior motives, idk. idk why im so endeared by them lmao ive imprinted and yeah again its like 4:30 now so. did i almost cry when they died. yeahhhhhhhh. and the mermaid!!!!!!!! blunt and hungry! loved her i don't know how to articulate my thoughts more than that, nonhuman and shows it and her transformation at the end to more human after the centuries go by and her teeth, her cunning, was so fairy tale like. and her love for her plague doctor, the switch from "the" to "my" OijoIJOIJOIEJJIOREJFIOER. one of my fav scenes of them together was when they were talking to luke and patching him up,,,, ;ladscx,;ls,dc;lms;dc,l;s,dc

ok and so the writing, yes it was a bit dense. did i understand every single word? god no, was it beautiful. yes omfg, i think the voice and the writing perfectly fit and encapsulated the vibe of this story. again it was very fairy tale esque and i really liked it. i don't think i would have liked the writing as much if this was a full length novel, thought. here, it works perfectly and serves its purpose.

the gore and the romance intertwined, these bloody awful evil people and the tender love they have for each other, the understanding,,,,, absolutely loved the horror aspects of this book, how it made the story so incredibly original. i forgot that i was reading a little mermaid retelling and felt like i was reading a brand new myth or fairy tale.

thats all im gonna say right now bc i need to sleep but 5/5 recommend for sure to everypne who thinks they can stomach it this is one of if not my fav of the year bye bye