#lord. it is almost scarier being almost done than it is being somewhere in the middle floating along

[ironmanstan]

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[peppersonironi]

Siblings: The Truth of the Matter

For @duketectivecomics‘s Duke Week Day Six: All in Batfamily

Summary: Duke had a strange family. Two of his siblings had been raised from birth to be assassins. One was born in a circus. One had been a crime lord for a time. Yet another was the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company by the age of seventeen. All of them dressed up in spandex every night to punch bad guys.So when he was woken up by icy water being splashed in his face, tied to a chair in nothing but his boxers, he wasn't surprised. Now, that's not to say he wasn't worried. Duke was definitely worried. Especially since it was these two. AKA Duke gets tied up and questioned by his siblings, all while drugged with Truth Serum!

Notes: I’ve had this for a while (it was going to be a chapter of my Batfam/Avengers Crossover), and figured I might as well submit it! What’s family without pranks, right? I might do a new one later on, but we’ll see!

Duke had a strange family. Two of his siblings had been raised from birth to be assassins. One was born in a circus. One had been a crime lord for a time. Yet another was the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company by the age of seventeen. All of them dressed up in spandex every night to punch bad guys.

So when he was woken up by icy water being splashed in his face, tied to a chair in nothing but his boxers, he wasn't surprised. Now, that's not to say he wasn't worried. Duke was definitely worried. Especially since it was these two.

“Now, Thomas,” Damian said, setting a now empty water bucket to the side, “we have a few questions for you-”

“And since we loaded you up with truth serum, there's no way you're getting out of it!” Jason finished. He had an evil grin on his face as he fiddled with a hanging lightbulb that provided light to the otherwise pitch-dark room.

“Of course, the results of this session will go straight to Father. I'm sure he will take them into account with your training.” Damian had produced a clipboard from somewhere, and began to write on it with a… was that a feather quill? Gosh, Duke's brothers were so extra. “Todd, you may now commence.”

Duke could have sworn he heard water drip slowly into a pool as Jason bent over into Duke's face.

“Okay Duchess, what did you do with my power puff girls guillotine? I know you were next to it last week.”

“Umm …” Duke didn't quite know what to say. This was not what he was expecting from The Red Hood. How could he even keep a straight face?! “Jay, do you know how weird that sounded?”

Jason did not find that funny. He stood up straight. “I guess we're doing this the hard way.”

“Wait, what?” Duke started to panic. Knowing Jason, 'the hard way' would probably involve lots of guns. “I don't know what you're talking about! I didn't know you even had a guillotine, let alone a power puff girls one!” Duke couldn't hide the upturn of his lip at the end of his speech. That was one sentence he never thought he would say.

“You saw it when you were in my room last Thursday!” Jason paused, and Duke once again heard the ominous drip. Drip. Drip. Of the water. “Say, Duchess, why were you in my room last Thursday?”

Duke thought back. “I think I was looking for you,” he began, “Dick wanted everyone together for a movie night.”

Jason shook his head. “That may add up, but you've still been around my stuff an awful lot, lately.” 

“Like what?” Duke asked, honestly confused.

“MY CANDY STASH!” Jason blew up. He waved his hands around, almost hitting the hanging lightbulb. “In the kitchen! You got into it, I know you did!”

“Do you mean the single Snicker's in the bottom cabinet?” Duke had found it just yesterday, but didn't touch it for fear of a glitter bomb booby trap. “I'm sorry, if there were more, I didn't touch them. I'm not your perp!”

“That Snicker's is my stash, duchess! And you looked at it funny! I know you were thinking about taking it!”

“Do you know what happens to people in this house when they eat the last of something?” Duke was filled with horrible memories of things he wished he could unsee. “There was all out war when Steph finished Dick's Captain Crunch cereal!”

Damian nodded his head as he kept writing. “Avoiding the questions and denying blame. Good, Thomas. I didn't think you had it in you.”

Jason glared at his partner in crime while Duke denied the … compliment?

“No I'm not! I'm answering the questions honestly!”

Damian gave Duke a look that was eerily similar to Dick's 'oh, honey' face. 

“What about my rubber bullets, kid?” Jason once again leaned down over Duke, and rested his hand on the back of the chair. “You took them. Thought using a vacuum would be sneaky, did'ja?”

Ah, now Duke was in trouble. He and Stephanie had been teamed up for a prank war, part of which involved stealing Jason's ammo. “That's what was all over the floor in the living room?” Thank goodness Bruce had taught him how to evade truth serum.

“What the f*** did you think they were?!” Jason was leaning in close now, his glare boring into Duke's soul. Drip. Drip. Drip. Went the water, its pace ever steady. Damian stood to the side, a small smirk on his face as he wrote down every twitch in Duke's face, every breath. Duke began to sweat from the pressure.

“What's going on?”

All three of the rooms occupants looked over to the sudden intruder. Stephanie stood in the now open doorway, flooding the room with light. She looked very confused.

Duke pulled his eyes away from his savior long enough to take in his now revealed surroundings, and was quite surprised.

Instead of some dark, dank corner of the Batcave, or some KGB torture cell, Damian and Jason had set up shop in one of Alfred's drawing rooms. The windows had been blocked off to limit to the light, and the furniture had been pulled to the sides of the room the only other thing on the floor was a large bowl of water. The lone lightbulb swung precariously from a wire pulled from the chandelier. The Chandelier itself seemed normal, except for -

“Dick?” Duke was open-mouthed at the 20-something year old man wrapped around the gold and crystal, an eyedropper in hand, which he seemed to be using to produce those ominous dripping noises. 

“Uh,” Dick laughed nervously, “hi?”

Stephanie laughed, grabbing the doorframe to steady herself. “Oh, this is gold! What are you even doing?”

Jason grinned, standing straight. He hit his head on the light bulb, but didn't seem that bothered. “We're interrogating Duke. Wanna join in?”

“Truth serum?”

“You know it.”

Stephanie beamed as she skipped over to the others. Before she could join in on the Duke-torture, however, Dick dropped down from his perch and put a hand out to stop the purple-clothed terror.

“Wait, you gotta be in character.”

Crap, Duke thought, as Stephanie nodded solemnly before shutting the door. Once the room was back to darkness, Dick retreated into the shadows, and the dripping continued.

Stephanie walked up toward Duke, pausing to take a deep breath. She put her hands in front of her face, drawing them down as she let out the air. Within moments, Stephanie Brown became a whole other person. A much, much scarier person.

Jason cursed as Steph stalked forward, giving Duke small satisfaction that he wasn't the only one scared. “Duke,” Stephanie drawled as she bent down, “Pancakes or Waffles?”

“I …” Duke looked around, searching for help. Some kind of help. Anything that could get him out of this mess. H***, he'd even take Bruce at this point.

“Duuuuuuke?” Jason asked. “Why don't you answer the lady? Surely old Alfred has taught you some manners while living here?”

“I …” Duke closed his eyes. “My answer is … yes.”

A small snicker floated from the darkness. Great, at least Dick found this amusing.

Stephanie, however, did not. She unleashed upon her prisoner the full brunt of her own batglare(TM). It was different than Bruce's. More Vicious. She accessorized it with a tight smile.

“Which you prefer, Duke?”

“I … I couldn't tell you.” Not if he wanted to live. “I … haven't had them in a while …” Ah, there you go Duke, he thought, beating the system.

Stephanie looked to Jason, and they both grinned. “Oh, I think we can help with that.” From somewhere behind her, Steph pulled two plates, one with a stack of pancakes, the other with waffles. Somehow, they were both warm. “Which do you like better Duke? Pancakes, with their light, fluffiness?” Stephanie waved the plate of pancakes under Duke's nose, and he had to admit they smelled divine. “Waffles, with their crisp exteriors, eggy interiors?” She switched the plates, and her smirk grew as Duke began to tremble. “One is clearly superior.”

“Stay strong, Thomas.” Damian said. The little gremlin had a small grimace on his face. Ah, so he was perfectly fine with stabbing his siblings, but Stephanie's emotional torture was now inhumane?

Yeah, it really was.

Duke smashed his lips together, the only part of his body that wasn't trembling. He wasn't going to tell Steph he preferred pancakes. He'd rather die.

“He's close.” Steph said, deadpan. “He just needs a bit of a push.”

“I got it!” Jason pulled out a syringe from his cargo pants. “One more dose of truth serum. This'll get him singin' like a bird!”

“But I was never Robin!” Duke blurted out before he could stop himself. Jason, Damian, and Stephanie looked unimpressed. “it's true ….” Duke muttered. 

“Poor banter,” Damian said as he took another note on his clipboard. “And to think you were doing rather well. Unlike Todd.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Jason said as he tried to inject the dosage into Duke's neck.

“Jason, please!” Duke begged. “Don't! This is too much, even for you!”

“Duchess,” Jason said, shaking his head, “I've killed, maimed, and tortured people. Do you really think this is too much for me?”

“Damian?” Duke turned as much as he could in his restraints to look at his little brother. “Please, have pity! I thought we were good? We play video games together! You've told me I'm acceptable!”

The former assassin turned his head aside . “I apologize Thomas. This must be done.”

“Dick!” Duke was almost to tears at this point. “You're supposed to be the nice one! You're supposed protect your brothers! Protect me!”

Dick's voice trailed from the shadows, full of regret. But also … excitement? “Sorry, Duke, but I also have some questions for you.”

Duke wailed in horror as Jason launched himself forward, jabbing the needle into Duke. “Three minutes should do it.”

“BETRAYAL!” Duke called. Hopefully Alfred would hear. But Alfred knew everything that occurred in his house, so the chances that he wasn't already aware, were slim. Heck, the butler probably approved!

“Once again, Duke.” Stephanie announced, once the allotted time for the serum to start working had passed. She tented her fingers. “Do you prefer Waffles or Pancakes?”

Duke tried to stay quiet, he really did. But none of Bruce's training had prepared him for the horrendous, unstoppable force that was Batman's children.

Just then, Tim Drake opened the door to see a strange scene before him. Duke, tied to a chair wearing nothing but boxers. Jason, standing to the side with an empty syringe, a maniacal gleam in his eye. Stephanie, looking much like the super villains that they fought, her fingers tented, her face dark. Dick, once again wrapped in between the coils of the chandelier, eyedropper in hand.

His eyes were wide and unblinking as his mouth opened and closed, trying to form words.

Unfortunately, fate was not with the captive that day. Duke Thomas couldn't help but blurt out the words that sealed his fate: “I like pancakes better! The texture of waffles is just weird!”

“Uh …” Tim began before cringing as he heard Duke's words, then saw Stephanie's face. He looked to the heavens, as if begging for strength. “You guys look like you need some privacy. I didn't see anything.”

“No!” Duke called. “Tim, don't leave me!”

Tim shut the door behind him, but not before calling out: “Sorry dude, but I value my life.”

Stephanie tutted, shaking her head. “I'm sorry Duke,” she did not look sorry, “But no one's coming to save you.”

Jason whistled. “Wouldn't want to be you right now, Duchess.”

Duke slunk down in his chair. “Me neither.”

Stephanie opened her mouth, about to start a rant on the glories of waffles, when Dick leapt down from the chandelier and handed Steph his eyedropper. “Nuh-uh, it's my turn!”

The purple patron saint of waffles harrumphed, but retreated into the shadows. “I'm not doing that freaky contortion stuff on the chandelier though!”

Dick grinned as he sat down in front of Duke. From a pocket of his jeans, he pulled out an envelope. Out of which he plucked a piece of paper.

“Now, Duke, I have collected some fan-questions for you. All are completely harmless. Do us all a favor and answer … truthfully, eh?”

Duke groaned. “That was just bad, Dick.”

The acrobat didn't seem discouraged. He then unleashed a barrage of questions, completely unrelenting. Luckily, Duke was prepared.

“Best prank you ever pulled?”

“Was prepared.”

“Worst punishment you ever received?”

“Dolled out by Alfred.”

“Most embarrassing memory?”

“Not worth me telling you.”

Jason laughed appreciatively. “He's good.”

Dick narrowed his eyes slightly. “Your funniest pun was …?”

“Better than yours.” 

Stephanie, Jason, and even Damian let out a laugh at that.

“Kid, you are now my favorite brother.”

“Hey!” Damian and Dick said, simultaneously.

“Thanks Jay,” Duke said, “If only you felt this way before you drugged me!”

Jason laughed. “You're funny, Duchess.”

Once again, the door opened. This time, Harper Row stood in the doorway, and she did not look happy.

“What's this that Tim told me about you tying up Duke?”

“It's not what you think!” Dick began.

“Yes it is!” Duke cut in. “They gave me truth serum and are interrogating me!”

There was a war going on in Harper's eyes. On one hand, she seemed to be trying to be the responsible sister. On the other, Harper loved chaos. 

In the end, she sighed. “You guys really shouldn't be doing this. And you, Dick! You're supposed to stop these kinds of shenanigans!”

“That's what I said,” Duke muttered.

Once everyone looked properly remorseful – or at least pretending to be – Harper nodded. “I'm going to go now. This is your only chance.”

As soon as the door closed behind her, and Duke's last hope left, Jason let out a sigh. “That was close. Let's continue, shall we?”

Duke let out a moan, “I thought you were going to stop!”

Stephanie's voice was gleeful as it came from above: “Aw heck no, Duke! This is the most fun I've had in ages!”

“Better hurry up,” Jason said, “B will be home soon.”

Dick nodded sagely. “Of course.” He turned to Duke. “Okay, middle D, one last question for you.” Duke cringed. “It involves ducks.”

Duke’s eyes widened. “NO!” He yelled, knowing exactly what Dick was going to ask. “NO! You can’t make me!

Dick shook his head. “Aw, come on!” Duke continued to shake. “Duke Thomas, how many times have you-”

“What on earth is going on here?” Duke let out a relieved sigh as Bruce opened the door and strowed in. He glared at everyone, and even though every single member of the batfam was immune to Batman’s glare, it still gave Duke’s attackers  siblings pause.

“Just some brotherly bonding, B.” Dick said tentatively. “You know, what you’re always trying to get us to do?”

Jason snorted. “Nothing harmful going on here,” he said, “and that’s the truth.”

Dick chuckled. “Ah, that pun was good, little wing.”

Bruce was not impressed. “Stephanie?”

“We’re having fun!” She said, dropping from the chandelier. “And we’ll clean it up.”

Bruce let out a long, suffering sigh. “Damian, will you tell me what all this yelling is about?”

Damian frowned at his father, before glancing around at his accomplices. “Todd and Grayson insisted on drugging Thomas with Truth serum. I was roped into assisting. I believed that I could keep them from going too far.”

Bruce rubbed his temples and sighed once more.

“If I may, father, Thomas performed admirably under the pressure. You may refer to my notes.”

“Little brat,” Jason muttered, and Stephanie and Dick nodded along.

Bruce shook his head. “I don’t need to see that Damian. Right now I want all of you to go to your rooms. As soon as Alfred is back from the grocery store, He and I will be having a discussion about your cookie privileges.”

Dick, Stephanie, and Jason deflated all at once and filed out of the room. Damian nodded to Duke, then stalked out. Huh, maybe the kid did feel bad.

Once the room was clear, Bruce untied Duke. "I'm sorry about them. If it happens again, come tell me or Alfred."

Duke nodded, "Thanks, B."

Bruce paused at the door on his way out. “The cure is in the cave. Or you can just wait it out.” He frowned, then sighed. “Also, I hope you don’t need me to say this, but please don’t attempt vengeance.”

Duke nodded solemnly as Bruce walked out. Then he smirked. He may be comparatively saner than his family, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t up for a bit of payback.

“Maybe Cass will help me,” Duke muttered to himself. “That’ll be fun.”

[hillbillied]

i found your post about andy and eddie's kinks from a couple of years ago and i was just wondering do you have any updated thoughts?

firstly, thank you anon!! I love writing these two!!

secondly fuck, I left this ask in the ‘box for a while because, double fuck, I couldn’t think of any kinks I hadn’t included in the OG post!! I am very sorry for the delay!

(I had to read through them to check, still crispy if I do say so... let’s see what else we can get in there. god I could go on a whole bunch more about the ones from the OG post lmao my fave losers in love having great sex!)

The Secret Kinks of Andrew Haldane and his Lieutenant, Edward Jones (pt.II)

(highly nsfw, 18+ only)

I’m gonna rag on Andy’s exhibitionism kink a little louder than before because it’s so embarrassing. going to the cinema is a chore because Andy doesn’t have the patience for long movies and he really can’t get behind anything that’s not a really fucking hilarious comedy or a truly gripping drama. anything even a little lacklustre (most of what’s on in the 50s) has his gaze wondering elsewhere

the amount of times Eddie has been enjoying his movie experience (he loves movies, btw, he didn’t get to go to many as a kid – think Gunny-level attention in the scene where the marines are watching For Whom the Bell Tolls) and suddenly a hand is brushing his knee. he can’t help but roll his eyes because Andy, good lord, can’t you enjoy the plot for five-fucking-minutes?

luckily for Andy, he’s got a semi-indulgent boyfriend or at least a condoning one; either Eddie will lift his longs legs and put them over Andy’s lap, teasing him with the weight whilst simultaneously giving him some cover to enjoy himself (in no relation to the movie) – or, if he’s feeling generous and equally turned on, he’ll give his stupid fucking would-be husband a hand so he can go back to his popcorn. Eddie’s got skilled fingers and only makes eye contact with his flustered, heavy-breathing boyfriend in scathing glances to show his “disapproval”

car sex is as normal to the two of them as breathing. it started fairly uncreative and vanilla, just screwing in the one long seat of Hillbilly’s pickup. it’s a little on the tight side but Eddie’s more flexible than many would believe. Andy loves having two hands just under his knees, pushing his thighs up against his chest so he can fuck him nice and deep. it has Eddie’s toes curling and his teeth gritted and colourful curses dripping out the cracked window (no AC means a real sweaty cab)

that, or Hillbilly will be riding Andy passenger side. he likes smoking in his car and he likes riding Ack Ack’s cock, so this is a win-win scenario. the leverage from the seat means he can light up while rolling his hips, humming around the cigarette. it’s an erotic sight for sure; Andy has to cover his eyes with his hand while laughing out a breathless “shit, Eddie…”

romantic evenings include soft kisses and mutual handjobs in the truck bed, after giving up on star gazing. less romantic evenings include parking somewhere discreet (or… not, because Andy’s exhibitionism is a nightmare and the 60s were pretty wild) to get them both out on the road. there’s sweaty handprints on the hood where Andy has Eddie bent over it, pinned between his chest and hot metal. it’s some of the hardest, roughest sex they have, and Andy usually uses Eddie’s t-shirt for leverage, something to twist into an psudo-harness to pull him back against his dick. Hillbilly likes to growl out threats – “you stain m’ car, Andy, I’ll fuckin’ kill you” – but it’s all a ruse to cover how there’s sweat dripping from his curls and how his pants for air are turning into moans and how he’s the one staining the tire where he’s cum, hard enough to have him flat out over the hood and gasping

this is all while the car is parked, of course. Andy loves giving Eddie head while he’s driving. it’s lucky Hillbilly’s had to drive bigger, scarier machines than a Ford, honestly. his disapproval (fake, every time) is portrayed where he grabs Andy’s hair and forces his cock down his throat. “Cop car” he’ll say, “gotta stay down”. he’s a lying sack of shit but it’s worth the sin to glance down at Andy when he lets him pull back, spittle running from his tongue and his coughing turning to a gasp then a moan in quick succession. it’s really difficult for Eddie not to grin super wide and push Andy’s head back down for more

(side note: Andy’s a service top so he gives great head, none of this fake dom shit. they each say the other gives it better because they are both weak for one another and stupidly in love)

gags become a thing after a while. Andy is an expert at introducing/asking about bedroom ideas without being condescending and he knows he has to decipher Eddie’s interest without it sounding like he wants him to shut the fuck up. (he does not, he loves everything that comes out of Hillbilly’s mouth, from stone-cold threat to lazy joke to breathless groan)

but a thing they do become. (it starts with Andy shoving a couple of fingers in Eddie’s mouth to “keep quiet”, an old familiar trick from the war, and it snowballs from there) so the next time Andy’s bent over Eddie, facing him and maybe got his hands pinned above his head, and Eddie decides to let off a quip, Ack Ack stops. slows his motions and pretends to think, then reaches for his master plan. the first time, it’s just fabric, shoved into Hillbilly’s mouth. his pink cheeks (from semi-annoyance or embarrassment, not sure) and deep frown and almost-offended stare are fucking priceless

(Andy buys a proper gag, one Eddie can bite down on. one he can grab the back of and pull Hillbilly’s head back with so he can kiss his neck, tell him how fucking hot his moans are when they’re all he can make)

collars slip in there somewhere. they’re not sure where that came from but there’s a suspicion it may have come from the wholesome conversation about adopting a dog (which they both want to do they’re just terrified of going to pick one and falling in love with more and then what are they gonna do?? have fifty dogs?? but I digress)

Andy’s not one to be embarrassed of his sex purchases but he was definitely scratching his neck when he bought it. luckily, his boyfriend can read him like a goddamn book. the man likes being in control, sure, dominating the room in his own masterful way, definitely – that doesn’t change the look of complete adoration that takes Andy’s features when Eddie buckles the collar around his neck

it fits well with Andy’s orgasm denial kink. he doesn’t do it to Eddie much (he’s got enough kinky shit he can do to him) but Hillbilly definitely does it to him. it’s a treat to test Andy’s self-restraint and not with any bondage. Eddie’s a very patient man, used to unfulfilling sex prior to Ack Ack, so he’s got all the time in the world. he loves making Andy wait, teasing him with a grip around the base of his cock. he gets a cock ring for him later, when his tight grip isn’t cutting it anymore

there’s nothing better than watching Andy’s thighs tremble, sat on his own hands on a chair, desperately keeping his cool while Hillbilly carefully lowers himself onto his cock (Eddie uses that collar to get him to look him in the eye)

they usually can’t be bothered with food play (“Food is f’ eatin’, Andrew, not wastin’.”) but there’s occasional things. Andy has a tendency to take Eddie’s fingers in his mouth and lick them clean, whether from an accidental or purposely spillage. he doesn’t really care what’s on them so long as it’s edible and he can watch Hillbilly’s lip curl watching him

Eddie’s definitely done a “spillage” of his own once or twice. except his are obvious, just how he likes them; he’ll straight up pour a splash of beer on his dick and invite Andy to come lap it up. his house, his rules and all. Andy always obliges

Eddie gives a great spit ‘n shine to boots, Andy’s found. he loves demanding Eddie get on his knees and do the daily duties he learned as a marine, making sure his captain’s uniform is in order. (slightly funny if Ack Ack’s not wearing anything but his boots while saying it, but he can live with that) having Hillbilly look up at him – “Like this, Skipper?” - as he runs his tongue across the leather is more than worth it

Eddie likes tearing open clothes, though he feels really, really bad about it. it’s obvious it turns him on because Andy loses a lot of shirt buttons over the years. (they sew them back on together, which is nice, gotta know how to mend and make do. Eddie actually knows a lot about cross stitch and Andy adores learning from him)

one time Andy’s waving his ass Eddie’s way, has been for a whole morning whilst they were gardening, potting flowers, weeding the lawn, working, Andy, we’re busy – so it’s just been a build up of hard-ons and no time to deal with them. and they’re wearing old clothes for the task, threadbare jeans. (that used to be Eddies, even the ones on Andy’s ass) so when Hillbilly finally presses up against Andy, bites his ear, and grabs his pants with both hands - he just pulls. they tear open and Andy feels Eddie shudder against him (shortly before he feels Hillbilly’s cock pushing inside him but that’s just a massive bonus)

Andy’s an indulgent boyfriend so he buys underwear and pants on the cheap and waves them Eddie’s way. the “rippables” as he calls them. made to be ripped, end of. no hard feelings, good riddance to them

I said they were too lazy for bondage because they can just pin each other and I stand by it; it remains a special thing. one of the ‘hardcore’ things, like the belt and gun play. mainly because, while they can actually pin each other down quite effectively with limited wiggle room, there’s still the ability to y’know, headbutt each other. because they’re also both trained in how to flip a guy that grabs you. fatally, if need be

so tying Eddie up (Andy’s always been down to be tied up, blindfolded, etc. by Eddie because he trusts literally one man in the whole world and it’s Edward Jones) is a big thing. because Eddie has had to fuck people up who tried to fight him and his brute strength is what’s gotten him through (finding something capable of realistically holding him is also a struggle in sexual hilarity because fuck, it’s gotta be thick rope or actual police handcuffs)

when Andy asks him about it (and presents the short length of rope he went for because he couldn’t find handcuffs yet) Eddie immediately says yes. because he trusts Andy completely. but he also says not tonight and not every night and not any time he can see it coming. if he works himself up about it, he’ll embarrass himself

when it does happen (Andy’s can read him right back, he knows when), Eddie ends up with his hands tied behind his back. he jokes about Ack Ack’s poor navy knotwork and gets a laugh back. then Andy slow bends him over the bed. that’s all Eddie thought he’d do, which isn’t a bother, long legs are still able to roll away. until Andy kneels down below him, caressing his thigh lovingly, and nudges his legs open. Eddie ends up standing bent over on the mattress with each ankle tied to a leg of their heavy bed frame

it’s a lot but Andy takes his time, kisses his way up from Eddie’s calf all the way to the back of his neck, keeping a hand pressed to his inner thigh. the tremble there is aroused and overwhelmed all in one. the first time, Ack Ack just enjoys giving his boyfriend a nice, slow handjob, supporting himself over Hillbilly so he can feel his weight. it’s amazing to have Eddie coming apart under him, whispering for more until he gets a shaking orgasm, biting the sheets to try and cover how loud he whimpers (it’s too much for Andy, too, and he cums just from rubbing between Eddie’s thighs)

Andy’s trademark aftercare is as excellent as ever and they sit together with some tea on the bed, listen to the radio, Eddie leaning against his chest with two loving arms around him. he asks if next time Ack Ack will fuck him and naturally, Andy just says “if you want me to” while kissing his temple. Hillbilly wipes his face and asks “please”

[musubiki]

🅱️ls tell me more about the merchant so I can make him the moodboard he deserves

👀

i talked a lil bit about him here, but heres some more!!!

- as per usual for the mood boards…his favorite oreos are………………………the mystery flavor oreos LOL

- he’s almost always smiling/grinning!! only times he’s not is when his wares spoil and/or he somehow got ripped off or lost some money

- a total con man. he will try to market his unfavorable goods to you. do not listen. just buy what you went there to buy and leave before you gets you to spend more than what you want

- this is why the merchant doesn’t have many friends (if any at all) and also why no one really challenges his prices. they just wanna buy shit and LEAVE before he tries to sell them. like. some pencils or something

- mochi and lime are one of the few guilds that actually take some time to talk to him/give him a hard time. he both loves and hates them for it

- has a policy of no fighting near his shop. sometimes two witches will end up going to him at the same time. the merchant’s shop is a neutral zone and all scuffles will be done at least 20 miles from his present location

- surprisingly, he doesn’t seem to mind being a loner. he’s just enjoying his life. he doesn’t even have a lil friend to keep him company. he’s just riffin

- mochis offered to summon a little flame wisp for him as a little friend, but he refused. guess he just likes his alone time

- doesn’t seem to have a home either. when he’s not found wandering with his backpack or setting up shop in some town, he's just camping out by some fire in the wilderness. 

- animals don’t seem to mind him

- easy to run into at random, but if you go looking for him, its almost impossible to find him. why? no one knows. just stop looking and he’ll pop up soon.

- also a regular at the underground fighting ring/goods market, where there are plenty other shady salesmen selling their wares. sometimes you can get unique stuff down there, but the merchant prides himself on having the highest quality goods

- i think……he might have a scarier, unhinged form. for when someone steals his backpack. still working on the beta but he., definitely changes form. to some degree.

- i WANT to say hes a pun master because he gives off that vibe, but doing so would require ME to make the puns so lets just say pun master pending..,…depending on how much effort i wanna put into his puns..

- even though he has no home/family/whatever, he claims to come from the mountain region. everyone just says “yeah okay that makes sense.” the mountain region has too much weird shit that they just accept it. normal mountain region stuff

- seems to be known far and wide. hed show up somewhere and the most unlikely people would be like “oh the merchant? yeah i know that guy. he sold me a rotten tomato once.”

- no backstory. no history. no past, present, or future relationships. no records. claims to have a homeland, but its unconfirmed and foggy at best. no friends. no family. nothing to spend his money on. no information to be had. and no questions asked or answered

- when mochi (and most witches) find this out they feel bad for him??? and a lot of them (mochi included) offer to let him live with them, hang out sometime, make friends or whatever, and he refuses. usually with a grin and a joking remark, but refuses nonetheless. no one knows why. mochi thinks it has something to do with the inscriptions on his arms, but again, it’s unconfirmed and foggy at best.

- and i can’t stress this enough but Sullivan DOES NOT LIKE THE MERCHANT.

- not that he hates him, but the merchant is maybe the only person in the hundred-thousand-something years Sullivan has been alive, that he has no idea what this man is. and Sullivan is supposed to be like. the information archive. he keeps the info/records on everything and everyone. hes the guy witches go to for information on LITERALLY everything,. and he has nothing on the merchant. NOTHING,. it’s unnerving and unsettling and it makes his stomach sick and he doesn’t like the implications behind it.

- also keep in mind sullivan is also like. lord of the underworld, the gatekeeper between life and death, maybe one of the most powerful members of the magic community. hes been alive for so long and has been everywhere, seen everything, he doesnt hate people easily, or at all. again, hes like a hundred-thousand-something years old (and still fairly young for an undertaker), so even despite these interactions he has with mochi, lime, murda, pom, everyone, theyre essentially a moment passing by for him. he sees them more like mice. children, really. to be taken seriously, but not for long (at least for him). hes nearly all-knowing and on another plane of reality than the rest of the magic community. he operates more like a brick wall than anything (with some teasing here and there to entertain himself), but the merchant….,.,.,..he does not like him. 

- the merchant knows Sullivan doesn’t like him. he has no comment on the matter other than an ominously cheerful laugh and an “Old horn-brains gotta lighten up a bit! Maybe buy some lizard tongues from Fichard Mire! Fresh in stock!” 

- i cant emphasize or convey how much the ability to unnerve Sullivan is terrifying to me. 

- i dont know how else to describe that Sullivan is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object, and this one fucking guy, who poses no outward threat to anything but your wallet, upsets that. 

- honestly, i personally am horrified of the merchant i have no idea what he is and im terrified to delve deeper into him to find out

[lauren-nabors]

day ??? of quarantine

today is easter sunday, april 12th. 

we’ve been quarantined for 26 days. our restaurant’s dining room’s have been closed for 25 days. tensions are high, emotions are flowing, people are feeling all the feels. everyone except me, that is...

i have felt nothing this entire month. i haven’t cried once. i haven’t been all that angry. sure, i’ve been tired and i haven’t slept well and i’ve been bored and frustrated that there isn’t more to do. i was disappointed when our foster care class was canceled. but honestly, i haven’t felt much emotion at all. my anxiety hasn’t skyrocketed. i don’t feel scared. i am not paranoid of the virus or of getting sick (i’ve never been a germaphone anyway so i don’t feel panicky in the way that other people do). i told clif the other day, i keep waiting to cry or to just lose it on someone. i know those emotions are there somewhere under the surface...surely? i don’t know what’s going on. i guess because i feel anxiety all the time in normal life and i always feel like i’m waiting for something bad to happen or for “the other shoe to drop” so to say -- and this is the bad thing, at least for now. so it’s here and maybe it’s not so bad after all for me at least (that feels like a horrible thing to say because it is bad for so many people and so many have lost their lives or their loved ones and in cities like nyc it’s horrendous beyond belief) i’m also a pretty adaptable person so maybe it’s more that this feels like something i can adapt to for the time being and so my role in this is to be that person that keeps moving... and when it’s all over perhaps i’ll crash and burn?

as for other, non-mental-health-related things, since i last posted things changed in our world even more. everything is different as we know it. all non-essential businesses are closed (gyms, spas, clothing stores, etc) and restaurants can still only do carry-out and curbside. our team has continued to adapt well, i am proud of how we’ve handled things. we cut our hours from 7am to 6pm, and then about two weeks ago we cut them even further back to 3pm. it just didn’t make sense to stay open and run the labor clock out when we were so slow. for the most part our customers have been supportive and understanding. we’ve had the occasional angry customer that said “well google says you’re open until 8pm” and it’s like, ‘well sure but this is also a pandemic and everyone is closing early so maybe stop trusting google so much and just expect that things might be different.’ 

church has been online for us since i last posted. we’ve been doing Redeemer west side live streams, which honestly has been encouraging for my soul to sing old hymns with Tom Jennings and hear our friend Kate from our old community group lead the prayers of the people and to see David Bisgrove’s face each week and have him lead us in the Lord’s Prayer. there’s so much we miss about Redeemer so this is both a source of comfort to us but also creating a longing and an ache that will have consequences for us when this is all over...

we’ve seen very few friends in person but we’ve facetimed with so many that we wouldn’t have ordinarily. brendon & theresa, my college girls, jen & matt a lot, my mom and dad almost everyday. it’s funny but i think i miss my mom more than anything, this is the longest i’ve not seen her since we moved back to this area after nyc. the other night we played a game online with Boyd and Sarah while on Zoom with them. it was lots of fun. Zoom is a thing now... it’s not that important. 

of course our president has handled this poorly. he is the absolute worst person you want leading your country in a time like this. he isn’t a leader at all, he’s a petty child who wants all the credit for things he should’ve done anyway. instead of leading, he takes to twitter or tv every chance he can get to say “look what i did! look what i did!” Dr. Fauci, head of infectious diseases for the CDC is leading our country through this. Gov. Andrew Cuomo of NYC has also had a profound impact not just on his state but on our country through his leadership. the situation in the city is so much worse and scarier and more real than it is here. maybe my feelings would be different (emotion-wise) if we still lived in nyc. obviously because of the denseness, the death count is so much higher there. they are building pop-up tent hospitals in central park, and facing real challenges of how to bury all the bodies of those who have passed away from the virus. KFed is a nurse at Mt. Sinai and it’s crazy seeing her photos of her in her protective gear. Brendon told us that no one is taking the subways in the city. he needed some things from his office so he walked from their apartment on 158th to his work in the 20′s. it took him all day. but he didn’t want to risk any contamination and Theresa is now high-risk because she’s pregnant (what the what?!?!?! omg so exciting! praise the Lord!) 

people are wearing masks everywhere. there are lines outside of grocery stores because they can only have a certain amount of people in the building at one time. our unemployment count in our country is higher than it’s ever been, higher than during the great depression. the economic fall-out from this will last for years to come. the senate did finally pass a 2T stimulus package called the CARES act. it has some provisions for small businesses to get money that could be forgivable if used on certain things. we applied and got accepted for both restaurants -- we will get money to spend mostly on payroll and some other overhead expenses in 8 weeks once the money is funded. they are also sending a check to every american who made under $130K last year -- so we’re supposedly getting a check sometime for $2400 ($1200 per person and $500 per kid for those families who qualify). hopefully we’ll get some of our staff back to work and extended our hours back to 6, since we won’t have to be as worried about our labor costs being high. 

i guess that’s about all i can think to update for now. as for what clif and i have been up to, well... we’ve taken a “cocktail walk” almost everyday. around 4pm we’ve made cocktails and taken them with us as we walk Lenny around the park and say hello to those of our neighbors who are outside, too. the weather has been great so we’ve been very lucky in that regard. we’ve done some yard work and clif has been doing some drawing and lots of bread baking. we’re trying to eat at home 5 nights/week and eat out the other 2. to spread the local love around, we’ve enjoyed Progress burgers, Farmer’s Gastropub, Everyday Thai, Craft Sushi and I think tonight we’ll get either Bambino’s or Los Cabos. i haven’t been doing too much because i’m not a “hobby” person so I don’t do well with stuff like this where you have to stay inside and pass the time. i’ve been reading a lot, that’s about it. here are some photos from the past few weeks: 

feeding healthcare workers in partnership with local organizations has been a highlight for us! this is Cox Hospital staff here. 

we’ve been selling both bread and flour like crazy. there has been a flour shortage in grocery stores so we’ve sold probably more flour in the last 3 weeks than in the 20 year history of neighbor’s mill. 

hot cross buns for easter -- didn’t do hardly what we would’ve normally for a holiday weekend baking-wise but we still had to do these gorgeous buns and some festive cookies and cupcakes. 

we were on the front page of the Newsleader as a “small business adapting during the time of COVID” -- we had some blowback from the photo of our bakers shaping dough without gloves on, but all ended well as we took the time to educate and had positive responses from most of our customers 

our bread at Price Cutter -- i feel like the poor stock workers were like “screw up, it’s gonna be gone in three hours anyway, let’s just leave it on the dolly” 

boredom leads clif to many funny and creative things, though not always useful -- here he made a concrete cup mold 

my dad on KY3 for a story about local support of restaurants in Harrison 

a quarantine meal when food was low -- let’s see what’s in the fridge! 

said game we played with Boyd and Sarah where we had to draw different prompts -- i am a terrible drawer! 

afternoon rose and popcorn while Lenny plays and wanders -- we began sitting on the front porch just so we could see anyone walking by on the street and have the chance to chat and be social from a distance 

not much has changed with the animals 

chalk art outside Cox South main entrance 

lol...”i thought you said CLAMdemic” card from Donita 

sign we purchased to put in front of our restaurant -- strange times 

[injusticetwofanportfolios]

Injustice 2 The Coon’s portfolio part 1: Battle Intros

The Coon (aka Eric Cartman)

“Prepared to get Cooned!”

While the most sensible people of South Park would see entering the Injustice Universe as certain death, 4th grader Eric Cartman saw immense opportunity. Driven by his own twisted (and selfish) ideas of how to make both worlds better, and emboldened by the possibly of taking Brainiac’s technology for himself, Cartman takes up his alter-ego of The Coon once again to tackle what may be his greatest challenge yet.

1st and 3rd Line Animation: The Coon simply falls downward and makes a three-point landing onto the stage as he says the first line. He says the third line while getting into fighting stance.

2nd Line Animation: The Coon enters the stage riding his Coon-Cycle (a Coon-themed tricycle for those unaware). The Coon stops his Coon Cycle by making a sharp turn while hitting the brakes. He says the second line while climbing out of the Coon-Cycle.

Vs. Aquaman

The Coon: Wow! It’s King Semen!

Aquaman: Do not mock me with formality!

The Coon: Ey! I workshopped a dozen of those!

--------

Aquaman: Atlantis is off-limits!

The Coon: There’s nowhere The Coon can’t go!

Aquaman: You’ve been warned!

------

 Vs. Batman

Batman: Come quietly, you won’t get hurt.

The Coon: I’ve outwitted Mysterion before, I can outwit you, Bat-Bitch!

Batman: Let me enlighten you.

--------

The Coon: You’ll either be dead or crapping your pants when I’m done.

Batman: Is that supposed to scare me?

The Coon: Fine, I can technically make you do both.

 Vs. Atrocitus

Atrocitus: You’ve enraged Earth’s people.

The Coon: Wow, already? And I just got here.

Atrocitus: Your victims must be avenged!

---------

Atrocitus: Your rage and selfishness has plagued two worlds, Cartman!

The Coon: Oooooh! That mean you got a Red Ring for me?

Atrocitus: You’re too treacherous for a Red Ring!

--------

The Coon: So what the hell do you want?

Atrocitus: You have escaped punishment too long!

The Coon: I can promise it’ll be much longer.

Vs. Bane

Bane: I hear this ‘New Kid’ became formidable with your training.

The Coon: (suspicious) awfully specific to bring that shit up, why?

Bane: If you lose, I’ll see if they fare better.

---------

The Coon: Do you ride a tiny bicicleta, Bane?

The Bane: Do not butcher my language!

The Coon: “Ey! I workshopped a dozen of those!” or “Ha! you’ll wish that was all I was doing.”

Vs. Black Adam

Black Adam: Relinquish your apprentice to me, Eric Cartman!

The Coon: Huh, suddenly I’m glad I didn’t bring Butthole with me.

Black Adam: Dovahkiin will learn better wisdom from my lead.

----------

The Coon: Seems God missed a firstborn during his plagues.

Black Adam: I’m the only god that should worry you, boy!

The Coon: Ha! The same ‘god’ that lost to Green Arrow?

-------

Black Adam: You expect to best a god?

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage. 

Black Adam: Amon’s strength will crush your pride.

------

Vs. Black Canary

The Coon: I saw you on CW once.

Black Canary: Want me to sing for you?

The Coon: (scoffs) Good one, god knows I sing better than you.

----------

Black Canary: I hear the New Kid doesn’t trust you anymore.

The Coon: (Sighs) way to open some old wounds, (mutters) stupid bitch.

Black Canary: Shame a good taste in students is all you got.

Vs. Blue Beetle

The Coon: Nice armor, think I’ll take it!

Blue Beetle: Can’t, it’s fused to my spine.

The Coon: I’m sure I’ll figure something out.

-----

Blue Beetle: We’ve been keeping a cell warm for you.

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Blue Beetle: You got denial bad, bro!

Vs. Brainiac

The Coon: Hi there, I’m the Coon and I’m here to take your ship.

Brainiac: An unlikely outcome of this encounter.

The Coon: You living is gonna be even less likely.

---------

Brainiac: Why come to this universe?

The Coon: You got a treasure trove of tech, and I’m here to take it.

Brainiac: You overestimate your chances.

-----

Brainiac: The nature of your universe is most curious.

The Coon: (suspicious) awfully specific to bring that shit up, why?

Brainiac: Know that South Park will be collected after your death.

-----

Vs. Captain Cold

The Coon: Ya know, I’ve survived being frozen before.

Captain Cold: Then I’ll just punch you in the face.

The Coon: Assuming I don’t slash open your belly.

-----

Captain Cold: The Rogues never liked you.

The Coon: Wow, already? And I just got here.

Captain Cold: Ever turned on a TV here, kid?

 Vs. Mr. Freeze

Mr. Freeze: You are unafraid of my gun.

The Coon: I always found your puns scarier than freezing to death.

Mr. Freeze: Best not to taunt me, child.

--------

Mr. Freeze: Could Dr. Mephesto assist with my research?

The Coon: (scoffs) He’d be more interested in giving Nora more asses.

Mr. Freeze: Then I will make do freezing him and seizing his assets.

-----

The Coon: Yeesh! Even South Park’s homeless don’t get that bad case of frostbite.

Mr. Freeze: You dare mock my suffering?!

The Coon: Ha! You’ll wish that was all I was doing.

Vs. Catwoman

The Coon: You do worse at flip-flopping than Butthole!

Catwoman: I like to keep my options open.

The Coon: “At least Butthole doesn’t make excuses.” Or “Just means you’ll run out of nine lives quicker.”

--------

The Coon: Ya know, normally I like cats

Catwoman: Should I be creeped out, or flattered?

The Coon: Neither, won’t stop me from killing you.

------

Catwoman: I hear you like cats.

The Coon: Well, we can both agree cats are better than people.

Catwoman: Though raccoons are a cut below them both.

Vs. Cheetah

Cheetah: You honestly think your claws match mine, boy?

The Coon: I got other ways to skin you, just in case.

Cheetah: I need only my claws.

--------

The Coon: Oh look, my new bath robe!

Cheetah: You won’t joke once I have your tongue.

The Coon: And you won’t be so cocky once I pull your tail off!

------

The Coon: You know, normally I like cats.

Cheetah: I can safely say you won’t like this one.

The Coon: Yeeeaahh, you may be right.

------

Cheetah: Garrison never taught you raccoons aren’t the best hunters?

The Coon: I’m guessing you don’t know the people I’ve hunted?

Cheetah: The Goddess knows, and she’s unimpressed.

Vs. Vixen

The Coon: So it’s the Coon versus…. what exactly?

Vixen: You’re fighting the entire animal kingdom.

The Coon: Then it’s time to put Coon on top of the food chain!

------

Vixen: I never understood what makes you tick.

The Coon: No father figure? Messed up social life? My own protégé left me? I can go on…

Vixen: None of that justifies the things you’ve done, Eric!

Vs. Cyborg

The Coon: So you’re mad at your dad for rebuilding ya?

Cyborg: It's 'cause of him I'm like this!

The Coon: you’re fuckin’ nuts! I’d kill for toys like yours!

------

Cyborg: I want nothing to do with you.

The Coon: (mockingly) Why? Jealous I still have my dick?

Cyborg: THAT was disrespectful, kid!

 Vs. Grid

The Coon: Shouldn’t you be somewhere inside Vic?

Grid: I will no longer be Victor Stone’s slave.

The Coon: ‘Kay then, maybe you’ll be mine instead.

------

Grid: Analysis suggests you will not survive.

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Grid: My calculations are never wrong

Vs. Deadshot

The Coon: So someone put a price on The Coon?

Deadshot: I’ll admit, my jaw dropped at seeing those digits.

The Coon: (laughs amusingly) Now I know this world’s scared of me….

-----

Deadshot: Those comics ever tell you how many raccoons I’ve bagged?

The Coon: (slightly nervous) Something tells me I made a mistake…

Deadshot: One king-size coonskin cap coming right up….

Vs. Doctor Fate

The Coon: Sweet helmet, it’s mine now.

Doctor Fate: You would corrupt its power.

The Coon: With your Lords supporting Brainiac? How could I do worse?

------

Doctor Fate: You bring death and misery!

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Doctor Fate: Begone from this Earth!

-------

Doctor Fate: The Lords know your fate.

The Coon: Like what? Your helmet on my head?

Doctor Fate: Your head will be all you’ll have left.

Vs. Firestorm

The Coon: I KNEW I forgot something when I came here.

Firestorm: The weeping angel on your shoulder?

The Coon: Nope, just marshmellows.

------

Firestorm: I’m almost tempted to turn you into paper.

The Coon: Wait, what?

Firestorm: you’ve always looked better flat.

 Vs. The Flash (Barry Allen)

The Coon: Would you believe I taught the New Kid how to be as fast as you?

The Flash: Yeah… I don’t think so.

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

-------

The Flash: I came back to set things right.

The Coon: The Coon’s got this covered.

The Flash: “I said ‘set things right’ not make things worse” or “You make it so easy to hit you!”

Vs. Jay Garrick

Jay Garrick: The blind pursuit of power leads only to ruin.

The Coon: I wouldn’t call it a ‘blind persuit’.

Jay Garrick: If you’d let me, I could help you….

------

The Coon: Nice helmet, it’s mine now.

Jay Garrick: I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, Eric.

The Coon: Nah, I’m getting a new popcorn bowl.

Vs. Reverse-Flash

Reverse-Flash: If it isn't the freak of the week?

The Coon: (scoffs) Like you’re any better than me.

Reverse-Flash: (peeved over being mocked) I’ll enjoy bringing your corpse to your mom.

------

The Coon: (condescendingly) You’re looking a little pale, Thawne.

Reverse-Flash: You’re no legend, I should know….

The Coon: Maybe I’ll be one once I fillet you!

Vs. Gorilla Grodd

Gorilla Grodd: There's a place for you in the Society.

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Gorilla Grodd: Your fellow humans would disagree.

------

The Coon: Shouldn’t you be in a zoo?

Gorilla Grodd: Shouldn’t you be sitting on a couch fattening yourself?

The Coon: (grins) Well, suddenly I’m thinking your pelt would look sweet on my couch.

 Vs. Green Arrow

The Coon: I saw you on the CW once.

Green Arrow: Excuse me?

The Coon: Just know I’ll say hi to Felicity for you….after I cut you!

------

Green Arrow: You sure this is your smartest play?

The Coon: The Coon’s got this covered.

Green Arrow: It’s okay, stupidity should be painful.

 Vs. Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

The Coon: So what the hell do you want?

Hal Jordon: I’m bringing you in, one way or another.

The Coon: The Coon’s gonna snuff out your light then!

------

Hal Jordan: Something funny?

The Coon: Two words; Ryan Reynolds.

Hal Jordan: Let the record show, you asked for it!

 Vs. Green Lantern (John Stewart)

The Coon: Shouldn’t you be making jokes about the Republican Party?

John Stewart: Wrong John Stewart, kid.

The Coon: Damn, that was the only joke I had on you…

------

John Stewart: Cool off before this gets out of hand.

The Coon: You’re looking at a new take on superheroes!

John Stewart: We don’t need your ‘help’ Cartman.

 Vs. Harley Quinn

The Coon: Well, if it isn’t the biggest insult to canon.

Harley Quinn: Try to make more sense, ‘kay, hun?

The Coon: Don’t worry, it won’t matter in a sec.

-----

Harley Quinn: Batman says you’re coming with me!

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Harley Quinn: Patient is clearly delusional.

Vs. The Joker

The Coon: What the hell? I was told you were dead!

The Joker: You’re not from around here either.

The Coon: Just means I can get away with shredding you.

------

The Joker: We have more in common than you’d care to admit.

The Coon: (surprisingly agrees) except I don’t see gain in nuking a city… unless it’s full of hippies.

The Joker: (surprised) huh… touché I guess…

-------

The Joker: Wow, Parent Chili… why haven’t I thought of that?

The Coon: Ya know, somehow your approval makes me sick.

The Joker: Oh don’t worry, I’m now pondering who to serve Coon-flavored meatloaf to….

 Vs. Poison Ivy

The Coon: Tell you what, give up and I won’t set any forests ablaze.

Poison Ivy: what makes you think you’d get that chance, little boy?

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

------

Poison Ivy: You’re too dangerous.

The Coon: (scoffs) Like you’re any better than me.

Poison Ivy: Young, dumb, and ready to die.

Vs. Robin

The Coon: Time I fight the king of sidekicks.

Robin: I don’t play sidekick or victim.

The Coon: “then you’ll be playing a corpse!” or “That attitude is why you’ll never be a good as yer daddy.”

------

The Coon: In a small way, you remind me of my student.

Robin: (scoffs) you have some wisdom to share?

The Coon: “(disgusted towards Damian) none that you deserve, ass-for-brains.” Or “You’re street-slime compared to Butthole.”

-------

Robin: Should I kill you, or cripple you?

The Coon: Better question is; should I cut off your arms, or your legs with your own sword?

Robin: And people moan about my ego….

Vs. Scarecrow

The Coon: Ya know, I’ve a history of scaring people too.

Scarecrow: And yet your efforts are driven by your own fears.

The Coon: I hear the same can be said for you, Crane!

------

Scarecrow: So many curious fears The Coon has…..

The Coon: (slightly nervous) Something tells me I made a mistake…

Scarecrow: You’ll experience them all at once!

Vs. Supergirl

The Coon: The Coon’s here to claw at injustice!

Supergirl: This sure is a funny way to show it.

The Coon: I hear your cousin might disagree.

-------

Supergirl: How can you hurt so many people?

The Coon: You’re looking at a new take on superheroes!

Supergirl: That’s not how it looks to me.

Vs. Power Girl

The Coon: Supergirl? How the hell did you grow that fast?

Power Girl: Nope, I'm Karen Starr of Earth-2.

The Coon: (groans) Now that’s not fair, at least not for me!

------

Power Girl: Time for me to do some pest control!

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Power Girl: There’s gonna be a juvie cell with your name it, kid.

Vs. Superman

The Coon: Well, if it isn’t the biggest insult to canon.

Superman: Who are you to judge me?

The Coon: Someone who’ll be taking your job from you.

------

The Coon: I have kryptonite ring claws as a Gear option.

Superman: Or maybe you’re bluffing?

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

------

Superman: Why are you on my earth?

The Coon: Why else? I’m here to seize Brainiac’s assets.

Superman: My fists have a better idea.

------

Superman: This won’t be a fair fight.

The Coon: I see health bars above us that say otherwise.

Superman: Forget I said anything….

Vs. Bizarro

The Coon: I was gonna claw your face, but looks like someone beat me to it.

Bizarro: Am you trying insult Bizarro?

The Coon: Ha! you’ll wish that was all I was doing.

------

Bizarro: Fluffy critter make good pillow.

The Coon:  (slightly nervous) Something tells me I made a mistake…

Bizarro: Ah! Me must stuff you first!

Vs. Swamp Thing

The Coon: So I’m fighting a hippie monster. Sweet!

Swamp Thing: Your mockery is wasted, child.

The Coon: Ha! You’ll wish that was all I was doing.

-------

Swamp Thing: You have offended nature.

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Swamp Thing: The Green will humble you.

Vs. Wonder Woman

The Coon: Prepare to get Cooned.

Wonder Woman: You face a goddess of war.

The Coon: Time to put Coon on top of the food chain.

------

Wonder Woman: You’ll hurt people if I let you go.

The Coon: (scoffs) Like you’re any better than me.

Wonder Woman: “This insult will not stand!” or “A shame you will die so young.”

 Vs. Darkseid

The Coon: Prepare to get Cooned.

Darkseid: (dismissively) Let my parademons deal with this..

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

------

Darkseid: Even by Earth's standards, you are pathetic.

The Coon: Ha! You don’t know me that well, do you?

Darkseid: Your vanity will be your undoing.

----

The Coon: Prepare to get Cooned.

Darkseid: You are challenging a god, fool.

The Coon: Sweet! Dibs on Apokolips if I win!

Vs. Red Hood

The Coon: I thought you’d be in favor of me clawing at crime.

Red Hood: I know you only fight for yourself, fatso.

The Coon: Just for that, I’ll be sending you to Batman in a pitcher!

--------

Red Hood: Now this is just bizarre!

The Coon: You’re looking at a new take on superheroes.

Red Hood: Maybe consider a new line of work.

Vs. Starfire

The Coon: So is there any chance I could join the Titans?

Starfire: I’m extending the offer to all the other Freedom Pals, but you’re not on the list, Coon.

The Coon: Just for that, I’ll be sending you to Batman in a pitcher!

-----

Starfire: How can you justify what you've done?

The Coon: “You’re looking at a new take on superheroes.” Or “Why else? I’m here to seize Brainiac’s assets.”

Starfire: Think. Where has materialism gotten you?

-----

The Coon: Okay! Where the hell did you take Butthole?

Starfire: The New Kid is with the Titans now, Eric.

The Coon: (angrily) MOTHERFUCKER!

Vs. Sub-Zero

The Coon: Okay! Where the hell did you take Butthole?

Sub-Zero: Dovahkiin is now a student of the Lin Kuei.

The Coon: I’ll just have to claw you into giving them back!

------

Sub-Zero: I now know the villain you truly are.

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Sub-Zero: For the safety of all, you will die.

------

The Coon: You’ll either be dead or crapping your pants when I’m done.

Sub-Zero: To think so demonstrates your ignorance.

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

-----

Sub-Zero: Your former protégé told me of your crimes against them.

The Coon: What crimes?

Sub-Zero: “On their behalf, I’ll see you face justice.” Or “None of your deceptions will work on me.”

Vs. Black Manta

The Coon: Nice helmet, it’s mine now.

Black Manta: Assuming I don’t fry the fat off of you.

The Coon: Time to put Coon on top of the food chain.

------

Black Manta: You’re out of your element.

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Black Manta: This is a waste of my time.

Vs. Raiden

The Coon: Okay! Where the hell did you take Butthole?

Raiden: Your former student is now training with the White Lotus.

The Coon: (angrily) MOTHERFUCKER!

------

Raiden: Your pretensions to honor do not fool me!

The Coon: You’re looking at a new take on superheroes.

Raiden: “Dovahkiin was wise to break from your influence!” or “To the Netherrealm with you!”

-------

The Coon: Make way for The Coon.

Raiden: The Elder Gods will stand against you.

The Coon: Time to put Coon on top of the food chain.

-------

Raiden: You are dirty beast befouling this realm!

The Coon: Uhhh…. you’re taking my raccoon theme a bit too literally, Raiden.

Raiden: Not even the Elder Gods can rehabilitate you!

Vs. Black Lightning

The Coon: The Coon’s here to claw at injustice!

Black Lightning: You're street slime with delusions of grandeur.

The Coon: Just for that, I’ll be sending you to Batman in a pitcher!

-------

Black Lightning: It’s a shame Mr. Garrison was a subpar teacher.

The Coon: You’ll get no argument from me, he’s always been an asshole.

Black Lightning: That’s why I fight ignorance.

------

Black Lightning: Ever regret the pain you cause?

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Black Lightning: “That’s what’s called an ‘alternative fact.’” Or “This time, you’re gonna listen.”

Vs. Hellboy

The Coon: Would you believe I once helped stop the apocalypse by swearing?

Hellboy: Yeah, I saw that movie. Liked you better on screen by the way.

The Coon: (surprised….) Wait… (….then excited) I got a movie?

----

Hellboy: Y'know, fighting kids isn't my thing.

The Coon: Now there’s a headline; “The Coon scares the devil!”

Hellboy: Geez what an ego……

Vs. Atom

The Coon: So it’s the Coon versus…. what exactly?

The Atom: Just a PhD candidate with a quantum bio-belt!

The Coon: (chuckles) Ever hear what usually happens to nerds who cross me?

-------

The Atom: At school, I never liked big bullies.

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

The Atom: I have a Hulu subscription that’s told me otherwise.

Vs. Enchantress

The Coon: Now I’ve been hoping for a chance to kick your ass!

Enchantress: Quite adorable that you think you can win.

The Coon: Consider this payback for the suck-ass movie you appeared in.

------

Enchantress (June): Son of a.. this can’t be happening!

The Coon: ah ha! a chance to kill you before you transform!

Enchantress: Too little too late for that, little boy!

Vs. Leonardo

Leonardo: You’re rarely a fighter, Cartman, why would you come here?

The Coon: Why else? I’m here to seize Brainiac’s assets.

Leonardo: That just spells disaster for every Earth, even yours.

------

Leonardo: So tell me, what did the New Kid ever see in you?

The Coon: (grins with slight genuine sincerity) they saw someone who respected their potential. Not even their parents did that.

Leonardo: Bet they’d like training under Master Splinter better.

------

The Coon: You know, I’ve always wanted to try Turtle Soup.

Leonardo: You won’t flip this turtle on his shell.

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

--------

The Coon: Ok, I KNOW you’re not from around here.

Leonardo: Just as much of a tourist as you are, dude.

The Coon: Just means I can get away with shredding you.

--------

Vs. Michelangelo

The Coon: You know, I’ve always wanted to try Turtle Soup.

Michelangelo: You’ll be rage-quitting in a heartbeat.

The Coon: Ha! Raph wishes he rages like I do!

--------

Michelangelo: Just so you know, I’ve played your games AND watched your show.

The Coon: Show? games? How come no one told me I had those?

Michelangelo: Let’s just say you’re gonna wish you were fighting Kenny.

---------

Vs. Raphael

The Coon: You know, I’ve always wanted to try Turtle Soup.

Raphael: Your head will crack before my shell does.

The Coon: Shredder’s got nothing on The Coon.

-------

Raphael: (chuckles) And people say I got anger issues

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Raphael: I fought Purple Dragons who were tougher than you, Eric.

Vs. Donatello

The Coon: Never thought I’d go from watching you on TV to fighting you and your bros.

Donatello: Unlike coding, this’ll be easy.

The Coon: (chuckles) Ever hear what usually happens to nerds who cross me? 

--------

Donatello: I’ve got a theory as to why you fight.

The Coon: Why else? I’m here to seize Brainiac’s assets.

Donatello: I can’t let that stand.

 Mirror Match Intros

Player 1 Coon: Are you my parallel universe self?

Player 2 Coon: Maybe I am, and maybe I’m here to be a better teacher to the New Kid.

Player 1 Coon: Just means I can get away with shredding you.

------

Player 2 Coon: How the hell can there be two of us?

Player 1 Coon: I’m sure as hell not sharing Brainiac’s ship with you!

Player 2 Coon: Don’t worry, it won’t matter in a sec.

[justagoddamnbranch]

Doubt part 3

Words: 1966 Rating: T for anti-establishment themes

Once Dustin could hear the soft rumbling of Rhodie’s snores he crept across the hall into his mother’s room. Petey was in there too, sitting next to his mom, looking very scared. Their mom waved Dustin over, and he sat on the edge of her bed.

“What were they saying on the phone?” Louisa asked, keeping her voice down

“They were saying something about how they can’t come home. And the other person said ‘they found him in the woods’.”

“Which woods? Our woods? There aren’t any other woods around here, unless we’re talking about the nature preserve. But isn’t that like a six hour run from here? They couldn’t have done that!” Petey sounded very nervous, and was talking very fast because of it.

Louisa nodded her head solemnly, “Well they did find a poor hiker that was found dead under mysterious circumstances over there yesterday...”

They all sat silently, staring at each other as if asking what to do now. Louisa sighed. She’d welcomed them into her home, she should take the fall.

“I want you two to sleep in here tonight.” She explained, looking at each of her boys individually before continuing, “In the morning I’ll take them back to the church and they can stay there until whoever they were talking to can either come get them or they can arrange to be somewhere else. You know the priest, he wouldn’t allow someone dangerous to run amok here in town.”

Petey swallowed and nodded, if only he knew how dangerous some folks really were in the area. Maybe he could be like St Peter and drive...oh my god really? St Peter? Fine, maybe he could be like St Peter and drive all the snakes from the town. While Petey had drawn back into himself to argue over the metaphor in his head, Louisa and Dustin were arguing about whether they should sleep at all or not.

“-if you’re too tired you can’t defend yourself properly! Your reaction time is much much slower!” Louisa was whisper yelling at Dustin

“I’m bigger’n them! I can overpower them no matter what!” Dustin’s ears were back in annoyance, “You just want us to sleep like we’re little kids.”

“Ok, true, I do want you two to be well rested at all times but it’s also the defense thing.”

There was a loud thump and the three of them jumped. Silence. Downstairs, Rhodie had accidentally rolled off the couch and landed on the floor. They were still asleep though, and were splayed out like a starfish on their back. Dustin crept down the hall and down the stairs, with a large stick in hand, to check on the noise. He flinched upon seeing them on the ground, he thought they were dead for a second, before settling once he noticed they were still very much asleep.

The night went on like that, a weird sound would come from downstairs and Dustin would go and check. None of the McColloughs slept that night. As dawn broke they all spilled out downstairs and woke Rhodie up, under the guise that they were morning people. In reality, they wouldn’t have gotten up for at least another 4 hours. Though Louisa made breakfast as normal, and they pretended to enjoy Rhodie’s company instead of fearing the repercussions of acting indifferent to them. They had a quick breakfast, Rhodie complimenting and thanking Louisa throughout the meal, before they all set out towards the church to drop them off.

Rhodie was a bit confused why they were being passed along, they did suppose it was late last night and they were already so nice to let them stay one night, they must’ve outstayed their time already. Were they annoying? Did they do something wrong? ...oh wait their pants. OH WAIT THEIR PANTS WERE THE ONES THEY TOOK OFF THE GUY, THERE’S DNA ON THAT THEY CAN’T LEAVE IT.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry I left my pants at your house. Could we please go back and get them?”

“You don’t really want those dingy old things do you? We can throw them out for you.”

“No, no you don’t understand. I need my pants.”

“It’s alright the church can give you more clothes, and you can keep the ones we’ve given to you. Don’t worry about it.”

Rhodie was quiet, they realized there was no use in fighting the kind woman. Unless they wanted to tell her what happened, but they figured that wouldn’t go over too well. They thought on it for a moment.

“Could you please give my pants to the priest? I’m sorry I’m making such a big deal about them, it’s just they’re very important to me.”

Petey’s eyes widened, he knew that term. Lepus used to mention that things they were going to steal were very important to them. Oh god they were dangerous after all. 

Louisa opened her mouth to protest but Petey interrupted, “Yes I can absolutely drop them off later today.”

Dustin looked at Petey, which he just shrugged back, and it was settled.

“Thank you very much! You all have been so kind, I don’t know how I could possibly thank you guys enough.”

“Well the polish on our halos is thanks enough,” the family paused at the steps of the church and waved goodbye to Rhodie, “wish you luck!”

They waved goodbye back and went inside the church, going straight to the reading room there. Sure it was almost entirely christian themed books, but there were a few that must’ve gotten snuck in that were regular old stories. A few hours passed and they heard someone pull up to the church and ring the bell. They sat up, partially sore from sitting one way for so long and partially from yesterday’s events. They guessed it was mostly the latter than the former. They peered through the window of the reading room and saw their pants, all folded up and nice, sitting on the steps.

Rhodie scrambled outside to get them, and put them on despite the fact that they were already wearing bottoms. Oh well, it wasn’t too hot, they could make do. Upon realizing how uncomfortable wearing two pairs of pants was, they decided that if they were going to be homeless they needed a hobo bag of some sort. Was it still ok to call homeless people hobos? They supposed that since they were one now, they could call themself whatever they wanted...and hobo was a lot easier to say than ‘homeless person’. Plus hobo had a certain familiar ring to it, homeless sounded a lot scarier than hobo, which made their predicament a little bit easier to handle. They were a hobo.

After getting back inside the church they looked around to see if anyone had left a bag in the lost and found. It was definitely hurting their soul to leave a string of deceit and crime behind them, but they supposed if this string started with murder it only can go down from there. In it were a few different sweaters and jackets, a couple beanies and a stuffed animal, no bags. Rhodie shrugged, well they were glad the stuffed animal was in good care. They hoped whoever had lost it found it again soon enough. They sat down in the hall outside the big doors leading to the congregation room? They weren’t sure what to call it since this particular building was a nondenominational church. It’s the big room where they would talk to the community, like a sermon but they also weren’t sure if that’s what they called it.

God everything was so confusing.

Not to say the lord’s name in vain under a church roof, no, that would be a si-wait the whole murder and lies thing right, right. They weren’t going to have to worry about going to hell for saying his name in vain, oh no. There were far worse things on their record.

They looked up at the clock on the wall, it was lunchtime. They wandered around the building, even going outside, wondering how they could get so much land dedicated to just this. No one lived here, usually, and no one really learned here. It was just here to be a socializing area for the community, and to reaffirm the beliefs that people already believed in regardless. It was weirdly wasteful, not that they could ever say something like that. They didn’t want to get in trouble, with mortals or gods. They did that weird shake your head back and forth thing when you shrug, well they were already cursed to become a beast every month so they guessed they had already gotten in trouble with both mortals and gods. Jesus, these past few days was just a culmination of everything they’d done wrong.

Well, if this was a catholic church they could’ve gone to confession and got something out of this instead of just making themself feel bad. Well maybe, the father could’ve called the police on them for telling him that they murdered someone. They figured the confidentiality of the church only went so far. Sheesh they really couldn’t get past this murdering thing.

Lost in their thoughts and not paying attention where they were going, they stumbled into a shed. Someone inside yelled, and they were shocked into reality.

“Oh...oh no, I’m so sorry. D-did I get you?” Rhodie apologized to the person inside the shed

“No, no it’s alright you just frightened me is all.” It was a soft voice, like a nurse’s

“Oh.” They paused, trying to peak into the cracks in the wooden planks, “What are you doing in there?”

“Ummm nothing?” 

Someone else poked their head from the other side of the shed’s door, surprising Rhodie, “There’s a whole bunch of food in here, and we’re taking it.”

“Taking it?”

“Taking it.”

“Isn’t that stealing from the church?” Rhodie asked, looking around to make sure no one saw them.

“Oh yeah, you’re right that would be stealing,” the other person winked, “and we’re very good god fearing folks.”

Rhodie blinked, these people were faking to get handouts. Why though, wouldn’t the church give to them regardless?

“C’mon kid, help us out.” They waved Rhodie in, and for some reason they followed.

They were shocked by the amount of food in the shed, there were shelves and shelves of canned goods, at least 20 cartons of ramen noodles, and a couple gallons of water and juice. The one who’d brought them inside was wearing mismatched shoes and a very dirty looking poncho that went down almost to the ground.

“Wow,” Rhodie sputtered out in shock, “did they just have a drive or something?”

“At some point, but I don’t remember the last time they did it.” the one with the nurse’s voice said, she was dressed nicely and looked clean, “They don’t really feed people here. They just network the downtrodden to somewhere else. But these ‘donations’ are mostly used to feed the churchgoers instead of the needy.”

Rhodie was very mad suddenly, that was not ok! To trick people into thinking they’re doing something good only for them to feed them back lies, literally! They were literally feeding them lies, all of these soups were watered down lies with chunks of vegetables in them. They had a really bad pain in their eye out of nowhere, but didn’t make a sound because they didn’t want to worry the others. They just closed it and started helping the one with the poncho stuff as much of the food as they could into a garbage bag, as quickly as possible. Once they’d cleared out most of it the nurse person shooed them away and they took off at full tilt back towards the woods.

[ibangtanthings]

Bonnie & Clyde - pt 12

“Here’s five hundred dollars. Now let us leave quietly.” Yoongi said, pushing the nurse away and taking out the needles in your arm.

With an arm around his shoulder, he helped you up only to freeze when you whimpered, biting your lips shut to stop the curses from flying out.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” He said, pulling you along.

Every step felt like your entire body was being crushed by gravity, a soreness that was equally as painful all over.

You buried your face into this neck and tried to be strong like he said but the tears escaped anyway.

The car was old and rusty. It smelled like old socks and there was rat poop everywhere. You laid down in the back seat and Yoongi checked your abdomen.

Blood seeped through the bandages and he pulled out a syringe.

“I know it hurts, this is just a pain killer. I have whole case of these so don’t worry.” He said, piercing your arm.

Time didn’t exist anymore although the sun rose and fell with each passing day. It wasn’t that many days later when you guys arrived at a motel.

You tried to bathe as much as you could while Yoongi went to buy some food, but the wound on your stomach was still bleeding.

Splashing some water onto to, you saw how the horizontal cut was like the length of your finger. The stitches were barely visible because of the blood.

He came back just as you were done and rushed over to help you out, covering your body with robe. His eyes never left yours and you were lost in the dark irises, as you held onto him for support.

Laying down on the bed, you hissed and gripped the sheets as every bone ached badly. He slipped on your panties and you had to lift your butt up a little to let him slide them all the way up. His eyes blinked slowly, letting you know all the dirty thoughts he was thinking, but his concern fighting those thoughts away. His eyes never faltered from your gaze.

You smirked and Yoongi didn’t like that so he opened the robe more, almost exposing your breasts, and blew on your wound.

“It hurts.” You gasped.

“You shouldn’t get it wet.” He said, taking out some cotton balls from a bag and dabbing the skin dry.

“How long can we stay here?” You asked, trying to focus on the conversation instead of the pain.

“Not long.” He said, helping you put on your sweatpants.

“We have to keep running don’t we?” You said, wondering how long forever can actually last.

“We’ll talk about it later. You need to eat and rest.”

Taking the shirt from his hands, you let the robe slip off, held back a groan as you sat up, and raised the shirt over your head and put it on.

You couldn’t tell from the look he gave you whether or not he peeked at your boobs.

He took a deep breath and grabbed the bag of food. As he hand fed you some soup, you studied every feature of his face, his body, hoping this isn’t all a dream.

“Why didn’t you go find the money your father left you?”

“I was scared.” You said, feeling no shame in admitting it.

“It’s too late to get that money from here. We have to go to Switzerland.” He said.

“Switzerland? How are we supposed to leave the country without getting caught?” You questioned.

“I’ll figure it out. For now, just rest Y/N. We’re leaving in the morning.” His deep voice convinced you to listen.

You didn’t want to leave so early, especially since your wound hadn’t closed yet but there was no other choice.

“Aren’t you going to sleep on the bed with me?” You asked, when you saw him lie down on the carpet.

“I might hurt you while sleeping.” He said, shutting the lights off and lying down on his stomach.

You tossed him a pillow and hissed, completely forgetting about your disabled state.

“Try not to accidentally kill yourself before morning.” He begged.

“I missed you so much. Now I can’t even sleep with you.” You pouted.

“Goodnight Y/N.” He said, ignoring your complaints.

“Goodnight.” You said, voice breaking into a sniffle.

He shuffled around and reached up to find your hand.

“Don’t cry. I’m here now. I won’t let anything separate us again.” He said holding your hand tightly.

“I love you so much Yoongi.” You whispered.

“I love you too babydoll. Now go to sleep.”

_______

Your condition seemed to have gotten worse. Maybe you shouldn’t have moved so much yesterday. Yoongi had to carry you to the car, but you sat upright in the passenger seat this time.

It hurt like hell every time he drove over a large rock or made too sharp of a turn. Still, you kept quiet.

“I know how to drive.” You told him, after talking about getting more food.

“I know, but can you drive in that condition?” He asked, conceded.

“We just have to find somewhere to hide no?”

“If the cops start chasing us, you won’t be able to drive away fast enough. You would need to pull off some pretty extreme maneuvering.” He explained. “We have enough for a few days. If you’re better then we can start making our way to Florida.”

“Florida?” You repeated.

“Mhhm. We should be in Texas in a few days.” He elaborated.

“I just got back from Texas. Weird.”

“The only reason I was able to find you was because of the accident. Everyday I wondered where you were, when you were going to slip up and expose yourself. I’m glad I found you before the Feds came. They’re probably looking for us right now.” He said.

“You shouldn’t have given the stupid nurse the money. Now we have to steal and run everywhere we go.” You whined.

“What were you doing in Texas anyway?” He asked glancing over at you.

“Living in another hellhole. Some pimp had me dancing in one of his nightclubs. He gave me a place to stay so I couldn’t say no.” You said, shuddering at the memories.

“Did he hurt you?” Yoongi asked, a hint of danger in his voice.

“No. At first he liked to shove me around and everything but then he left, and I was stuck there with his guys until I figured out how to escape. I think he found another girl to boss around. I was his favorite so I guess that’s why he have me killed. The other girls weren’t so lucky.” You sighed.

“I can’t help feeling like we should go find him and bury him.” Yoongi sighed too.

“No.” You said flustered. “Yoongi he was one of the craziest pimps ever, but he let me go. He could have found me again after I had escaped, but he didn’t. You know…I have his number. He called me once. He told me not to worry about him getting even, that if I ever needed anything to call him back. He was scarier than my father. That’s how crazy this guy wase.”

“How rich was he?” Yoongi asked curiously.

“From what I could tell, he must have made at least twice the amount my father did.”

“That’s no pimp Y/N. He wasn’t just a nightclub owner…most likely an extremely successful drug lord or mafia leader like your father. Successful meaning he was probably more dangerous, psychotic and you were lucky to get out alive.” Yoongi said seriously.

“Yoongi…”

“Do you know what I would have done if I wasn’t able to find you?” He said, looking straight ahead at the road.

You stayed silent, watching his frown make his eyes seem empty.

“I would have kept driving…Maybe find a cliff somewhere.”

“That’s stupid. What if I wasn’t dead yet? The you would have killed yourself for no reason.” You countered.

“So? Then you should jump off that same cliff to show your true love.” He said, smiling.

“That Romeo and Juliet stuff really my style though.” You quipped.

“No, were more like Bonnie and Clyde now that I think of it.” He reasoned.

You laughed. “Shut up.”

As you sat there thinking, you knew all this talk was just a distraction from reality. Even though you weren’t safe anymore, you felt safe by his side.

You didn’t want to hear him talk about his worries. They scared you.

He pulled over at a truck stop, parked as close to the exit as possible and got the food he had in the trunk.

Yup, this was reality now. Chips, bread, cans of soda and canned fruit.

It was obvious that you needed money. How long could you last peeing on roadsides, eating what little food you could afford, and having no bed to sleep in.

It was all worth it though. All you really needed was him.

After a few days, you were almost to Texas. All food was gone now and some gas stations wanted a few bucks just to let you use the bathroom.

“I can drive now.” You assured him.

“Okay. Just be careful putting on your seat belt. Keep facing me, don’t peek your head out the window.” He said, turning around.

“Wait!” You said, and he turned back around, raising an eyebrow.

“One chocolate bar please.” You smiled.

He bit his lips shut, and you swore he was about to curse you out. “Focus!” He growled.

Without a second to lose, he walked into the gas station and your nerves flew through the roof.

1…2…3………33…34…35!

He ran out of the door, arms full of bags, some items flying out as he threw them into the back seat. “Go, go, go…” he said even before shutting the car door.

You stepped on the gas and got onto the freeway as fast as possible, took the next exit and then got back onto the freeway at normal speed.

“Did you get the chocolate bar?” You asked seriously.

“Yes. Here.” He said, tearing the wrapper and giving you a bite.

A small foiled packet caught your eye.

“Did you get condoms?!” You gasped.

“Eyes on the road.” Yoongi ordered.

You were caught off guard but he remained calm.

“I also got you tampons. How long does a box last?”

“Like a two months. Depends on how many are in the box.” You answered, trying to sound unphased.

Inside, you were bursting with excitement.

“Stick to the empty roads, we don’t want to go near any cities.” He instructed.

“Eat.” You told him, “I don’t think they called the authorities. No one’s following us.”

“We need to find another motel.” He said, smelling his hat.

You guys haven’t showered and your hair was starting to get oily. The wound was closed now but the scar was covered in dry blood, and you didn’t want to waste what little drinking water you had left.

“Can we get alcohol next time?” You sighed.

“How about we just get a drink right now?” He said.

You nodded, knowing exactly what he was thinking. After an hour of speeding, you pulled up to a rusty bar and restaurant in the middle of nowhere.

“I’ll go in first.” You said, looking into the rear view mirror and fixing your shirt so that it exposed your breasts a little bit more.

You wore the perfect outfit too. Shorts, and a button down.

Before you could get out, he grabbed your arm and looked at you seriously.

“Don’t let anyone get too handsy, your wound is still fresh.” He warned.

“Don’t get jealous. Control your temper.” You asked of him before walking into the bar.

Thankfully, it was exactly how you hoped it would be. Big, older men crowded around the bar, already drunk and being obnoxiously loud.

Some laid eyes on you while you went to the jukebox and waited for one of them to approach.

A hand slipped a quarter into the jukebox and grabbed your hand.

“Would you like to dance sweetheart?” The man said, pulling you closer until you were against his body. You felt the wound sting a little bit.

“How about I dance for you instead?” You said, placing a hand on his chest to gently push him away. You chose the song and walked over to the nearest table, pulling him along.

Like a gentleman he helped you step onto the chair and then onto the table. By now the place was roaring with cheers from the rest of the patrons.

That’s when Yoongi walked through the door and glared at you.

Smiling at him, you looked happily took the shot the man offered and then looked away.

The audience around you, cheering.

Without hesitation, you opened one more button on your shirt and bent down, shaking your ass in the air to whistles and encouragement to keep going.

Standing up straight, you unbuttoned your shorts but kept them on to tease them. As you danced, you felt the shorts slip little by little, until you bent down and exposed the edge your panties.

Getting on all fours, your gentleman popped a bottle open and held it up to your mouth. Happily, you moaned as you wrapped lips around the tip of the bottle and drank the burning liquid.

Suddenly a bottle crashed onto the floor, and you laughed. Everyone turned to see Yoongi making a mess, throwing empty bottle after bottle onto to floor.

“Bonnie!! What the fuck are you doing?!” He said, stumbling over to you.

He broke a bottle in his hands and waved the sharp glass around. “Nobody fucking touch her!” He said, grabbing your hair and pulling you off the table.

The men protested but stayed away as Yoongi waved the glass in their faces.

“She’s just whoring around. She’s got a man.” A guy yelled as Yoongi dragged you outside.

“I’ll be back!” You yelled at the guys before getting thrown out the door.

You spun right back around to kiss Yoongi and jumped into his arms, not caring about your wound getting hurt, just giggling like crazy.

“How much did you steal?” You asked as he carried you back to the car.

“Enough to buy one good meal.” He said angrily.

He wasn’t angry at you, no. You could tell he liked what he saw. He was angry that it was all for only a few measly bills.

“They must have wasted all their money on drinks already.” You sighed, looking at the singles in his hands. “We could have gotten more if you didn’t get so jealous.”

“Your father would be so proud.” He said carelessly.

A lump formed in your throat and he looked up at you when you didn’t say anything.

“Y/N I’m sorry, that was stupid of me.” He apologized.

“It’s fine. Let’s just go.”

“I have to check your wound.” He said, taking out his small case of pain killers.

“You sure your not mad at me?” He asked, as you laid down in the backseat and he cleaned your wound.

“I was. I was mad at you for a long time after I left. Then need kinda just pushed away anything I felt. I had to focus on surviving alone.” You admitted.

“Don’t think about the past yet Y/N…” he said, pulling you upright to face him.

You nodded and laced your hands around his neck, kissing him for what felt like the first time in ages.

“Let’s stick to gas stations from now on.” He mumbled.

“Didn’t you like the show I put on for you?” You asked innocently.

“I did. I liked it too much, but it wasn’t just for me babydoll. From now on you only do private shows.” He said, kissing you again.

“Okay.” You smiled enjoying the moment.

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Part 13