#losing a parent

[mimimurmurs]

i don’t know how to remember

that love matters

without you.

nothing feels real

i’m wandering the full moon

of the night that took you.

i’m stuck beneath

a fading street light

or lost in the moth

that flutters next to me.

it got cold

and then warm again.

but in my head it’s still august.

in my head i’m still waiting

for you to breathe.

i’m running down the staircase again.

or maybe running up.

i’m staring in a funhouse mirror

and my eyes look

just like yours.

too full and

empty.

[whispersofthepurplevalley]

I see a lot of people talk about accepting the ultimate truth -- people die one day, and sometimes, they are our loved ones. And I see people who continue to ask the reason why we fear losing someone if we know that death is inevitable. Now that I think about it, I don't think it's necessarily the fear. It's the burden of stories we share with someone that we have to carry alone after them. Carrying memories for two can be heavy, and sometimes, they can make you lonely. I think it's the unpreparedness to take such a weighted responsibility that scare people.

Sabina Yesmin

[monkeymeghan]

The world just feels… wrong now. Things have shifted and it’s just not right. It’s empty. I miss my mom so much.

[sainte-annecanaljournals]

Shared this with a friend of mine who recently lost her mother

Every now and then I come across a post like this one and if it stings and tugs and brings tears to my eyes, I think of you and your love for your mom, and of course, hers for you. There is not much we can do when it comes to grief, no one can take it away and they shouldn't either. Just like love, grief will carve its own path through us and leave us a different person.

So figured I'd share this one with you 💗

"When we lose someone, the entire landscape of our life changes. We grieve, not only the person, but their place in our lives and in our hopes and dreams. Their absence changes everything about what we see and what the future looks like.

Yet, their love still remains steadily underneath the pain of it all. Their love plays a role in our hopes and dreams and futures. Soft and steady. Persevering. Continuing. Still there. Still there..

And we take that love with us into each new day and each new year in whatever way we can. And we bring them with us. And we know in our hearts that their love plays just as big of a role now as it did before.

Because when we love deeply, we love forever. ❤️

-Liz Newman

When we lose someone, the entire landscape of our life changes.

We grieve, not only the person, but their place in our lives and in our hopes and dreams.

Their absence changes everything about what we see and what the future looks like.

Yet, their love still remains steadily underneath the pain of it all.

Their love plays a role in our hopes and dreams and futures.

Soft and steady.

Persevering.

Continuing.

Still there. Still there..

And we take that love with us into each new day and each new year in whatever way we can.

And we bring them with us.

And we know in our hearts that their love plays just as big of a role now as it did before.

Because when we love deeply, we love forever. ❤️" 🖊️Liz Newman

[ineedfairypee]

Who is it really helping?

Not those who need it most that’s for sure

[iwasherangel]

[lettersonlosingdad]

What I write when a friend loses a parent

First off, you never need to respond to this. Second, life is unfair and this sucks and is awful and I am so so sorry you are going through it.

I won’t tell you it gets easier to live without them, but I promise it does get easier to remember the good times, to hear their favorite song on the radio and not change it, to order their favorite drink on their birthday at a bar and not have to wipe away more than just a tear or two while you smile. There is another side to this pain and grief where it lives with you instead of against you, when it settles in your heart instead of squeezing it tight.

Don’t be afraid to say their name and mention them in stories to anyone. The first time someone you don’t know well asks about them and you have to say that they’re gone, your heart will race. The “oh I’m so sorry” and pity on their faces is something you somehow get used to. “Oh they passed away” will roll off your tounge one day and yet you’ll still pick up the phone to call them sometimes when sitting in traffic. There’s a strange thing that will happen to time- it divides into before they left and after and yet sometimes that line gets blurry. I always reach for my phone to call dad when I’m putting gas in my car. I say hi to him in my head now. It helps a little.

Lastly, if you’re feeling numb right now, that is fine. If you can’t stop crying, that is fine. If you want to go back to work and life and just ignore this terrible unfair cruel thing that has happened; that is fine. There is no right way to deal with this. And if you want someone to talk to, or someone to watch old movies with and not talk at all, I am here.

[whisper-in-the-dark]

can someone come to my rescue

the burdens are getting heavy

i don't know what words to use

i just want someone to come and help me

i don't feel i have the right to feel all i feel

can someone please get me out of this misery

life is scary and I'm scared of death

of losing loved ones again and again

I'm closer than i ever was to becoming an orphan

if a car accident happens my whole life is ruined

so i cry in silent and so do my screams

i sit here and sit and dry my tears

[hum-tittle]

Being a caretaker for your parent as they’re at the end of their life it such a weird form of grief.

Not only am I losing my dad, but it feels like I'm losing "my child," too.

I've been feeding him, cleaning him, planning events for him, protecting him, and anything he needed help with.

He's still my dad, but our relationship changed, and I was caring for him like he did for me when I was a kid.

I know other caretakers probably have a better way to describe this, but it is all still fresh. He was given his terminal diagnosis just a few days ago. Even though it feels a lifetime ago.

(Also, please note that if you send sympathy, it's appreciated, but I probably won't respond. I don't have the emotional or mental capacity at the moment 💛)

[withluuv]

Can't sleep. Missing my mama. Wish more than anything that she was still here 💔

[psycho-delic--cunt]

Who do I talk to now that the only person I could always talk to is gone forever...?

[wanttobepretty]

Miss you dad, I’ll never be the same without you.. <3  

[monkeymeghan]

I’m feeling really off today. Blank. Kind of sad. But mostly empty. I just want to cry, for no particular reason. I did manage to brush my teeth this morning and take out the recycling this afternoon, so at least I accomplished two things today. So far. Maybe I’ll accomplish more. There’s so much I want to do, but it’s hard to even move. Depression flaring? Grief? Both? Who knows. And it’s only 3pm, there is still so much day left. Ugh.

[disorganised-ocd]

It absolutely boggles my mind how fast some people expect you to move on from LOSING A FUCKING PARENT

[ineedfairypee]

Everyone wants to prevent suicide but no one actually wants to talk about it

Everyone is sorry for your loss but no one wants to hear be around grief

Everyone is there if you need to talk but no one listens when it matters most

[cinemajunkie70]

“Every day in the world, many people lose their parents. Parents are not immortal and usually- if everything goes according to nature - they die before their children. Therefore their death is an event which, rationally, ought to be easily understood. But it’s distressing, at whatever age it happens.”

— Dario Argento from his memoir, Fear