#lost everything and without lolth she is NOTHING….!!!!!!

[swordmaid]

i think shri’iia when she was still in menzoberranzan would def be an oath of the crown paladin/ or even conquest but i think oath of the crown is more fitting. she pledged her oath and loyalty to lolth and to her Matriarch to serve and enact lolth’s will and she punished anyone who turns away from the spider queen. enacting lolth’s/or her matriarch’s will meant that she helped instigate conflict and war between the noble houses (bc lolth thrives on chaos), and generally just killed anyone who her matriarch orders her to kill so that she can forever keep their house as the 4th most powerful noble house in the city. in short, she really was her matriarch’s well trained hound and she was like … devoted and loyal to lolth that it bordered on fanaticism. like she was so obsessed ok, hence why i think oath of the crown is more fitting since she wanted to preserve the status quo bc it was what lolth desired.

[zoloteh-volossya]

Minthy and Trust

One of the interesting things about the evil endings from patch 7 is how surprised Minthara is if you enthrall her with the Brain or murder her as a Dark Urge who embraced Bhaal. I've talked a little bit about it before here, but a conversation with @alicelufenia that resulted from that post got me thinking.

Minthara grew up in a culture where backstabbing is pretty much de rigueur. She has spent at least two centuries living and loving in a city where she could not trust anybody, and where lovers and family alike may try and betray or murder her at any given moment. It's implied that she's survived multiple such attempts. Why, then, does she put such complete and total trust in you? Shouldn't she be more wary?

Part of it could be her faith - or rather, the gaping hole where her faith once was. She was completely devoted to Lolth until she encountered the Absolute, and while her faith in the Absolute was forced I think the habits we see - her prayer after her romance scene, for instance - are genuine. After Moonrise, she has lost two faiths in rapid succession. I think she'd done with gods for good, but still wants - almost reflexively - something or someone to believe in. Lolth's favor is described in some D&D novels as being able to feel her love, however fleetingly. I think a partner whose acceptance and affection she can actually feel goes a long way to filling that sudden void in her life. (I also feel like she does best with direction, that fundamentally to some extent she is a follower and not a leader. A partner provides the support she prefers in this sort of context; she can essentially make them her purpose. But this is more of a headcanon and not as strongly textually supported so I will not actually argue it. Feel free to disagree.)

Part of it could also be her loneliness. Minthara is clearly an introvert but all people need social contact of some sort. Back in Menzoberranzan, she would have been enmeshed in a strict social sphere that would have provided both regular opportunities for social engagement and rules for how to go about it. Minthy obviously feels very defined by her (former) social station - per her act 2 romance scene she doesn't know who she is without it - and laments the loss of the structure of her former life. On the surface, she thinks (incorrectly) that no one likes her, and she lacks the status and strict rules of behavior that once shielded her. She has nothing and no one... until the protagonist comes along. Once in a relationship with them, it feels like Minthara is almost trying to make them the entirety of her social life (which is hella unhealthy, girl). We see this the most in the evil endings, where she is fine with the loss of all the companions so long as she and the protagonist are together.

But my above two paragraphs explain why Minthy would want to trust the protagonist (a want, a burning driving need, a drowning woman grasping a rope, desperation making her overlook warning signs and red flags), not why she actually does. I think the answer to that can probably be found in her act 2 romance scene. She asks to see the protagonist's mind in their entirety and uses it to verify the protagonist's opinion of her. This is something she never was able to do in Menzoberranzan. For once in her life, she (thinks she) is able to confirm that this lover is safe, that she can completely unabashedly trust them. And so she does - she throws herself into it completely and utterly, as she does everything she sets herself to. It never occurs to her that this might be a false assurance, that her partner could change or be less devoted in their affections than she is. She checked; it's safe.

Until it isn't.

[wellthebardsdead]

Halsin: the grove is safe, thanks to you. I am in your debt.

Clow: *wearing a thousand yard stare, looking through the arch druid and not at him, not even feeling like he’s in his own body in that moment* I did not do it for you…

Halsin: but you did save it, and I’m grateful for that. All these lives saved because of you.

Clow: if my mistress had not turned her back on lady lolth I’d of carried out her orders and painted this grove red with blood. But now she’s dead at my hands… and I can never return home…

Halsin: … *eyes resting on the silver jewelled collar around the drows neck, and behind it a tattoo of house Do’Urdens sigil, branded over by house Baenres mark* home… Is that what you call it?…

Clow: you overworlders do not understand. You’ll never understand. You all keep calling it my prison but it was my home my whole life!! I know nothing else! I… I have nothing…

Halsin: *places his hand on his shoulder, eyes glancing past him and catching a glimpse of long silver hair disappearing into the gentle breeze as Eilistraee herself takes notice of the ice skinned dancer* You have your freedom, and the thanks of all the people you have saved on this day. *smiles* and you have a chance to live your life by your own rules.

*that evening*

Clow: *laying in his tent away from the party, attempting to trance, to rest, only for any hope of that to be dashed by the drunken merriment around him, and the creeping dread of lolths ire skittering into his mind and soul for murdering his mistress* dark mother, lady of shadows mercy, please find mercy in your heart, I spilled her blood for betraying you, for betraying your most loyal servants, please-

Astarion: *peers into the tent holding a bottle of wine* there you ar- shit. *kneels down and gently dries his face with his sleeve* sit up, breath.

Clow: *suddenly blurts out the loudest and most unexpected sob as he realises he’s been crying this whole time, only now just letting it out as his world falls apart* I’ve lost everything! I can’t go home! I’ll be killed! I’ll be turned into a drider! I’ll be tortured and fed to the spiders! I-I- *grabs the bottle from him and chugs it down*

Astarion: No no no nononoNO! Don’t do that! *fights the bottle away from him only to get taken to the ground by the smaller elf as he reaches for it* you’re in no mindset to be drinking! *pushes him off him as he gets up, rolling out of the tent and holding him away from him as he follows after him clawing at him for it*

Clow: *dancing around him trying to get the bottle from him, so focused on needing to drown away his dread he can’t think of anything else* Give it back! I need it! I need it!!

Astarion: Not until you calm down! *hides it behind himself and puts his sleight of hand to good use, tossing it into a bush without Clow seeing*

Clow: *reaches around him for the bottle, only to grab his hand instead, and end up getting twirled around right into his arms* Wh-what- *visibly blushes as astarion squeezes him close, the vampires chest to his back, and each of his hands in his, holding his arms crossed in his grasp*

Astarion: *softly whispers into his ear as he holds him steady* calm down now.

Clow: l-let go- *squirms helplessly unable to untangle himself from his arms*

Astarion: not until you settle. I’m not letting you drown your sorrows away with a bottle of vinegar pretending to be wine, the only thing you’ll get out of it is a headache and far more crying.

Clow: *visibly pouts and looks down, letting astarion hold him until his breathing settles and he relaxes back into his cool embrace* okay…

Astarion: *smiles and gently unfurls his arms, twirling him around to face him* there. All better now. Well, as better as you can get given the circumstances. *fixes the drows hair back behind his ears and wipes his face clean* why don’t we sneak off to have some fun darling? It’ll take your mind off everything.

Clow: *visibly disassociates, putting back on his mask of servitude* You wish for me to service you again?

Astarion: I?… *sighs* no… perhaps it’s best if you just… just dance. Enjoy the evening, anything to keep you from being alone with your thoughts.

Clow: youd like me to dance for you?

Astarion: no… dance for yourself, with the others. Have fun, darling.

Clow: *nods and walks over to the party as directed, swaying slightly as the few mouthfuls of alcohol he’d chugged down on an empty stomach begin to hit him, each step leading into another as his hips take the lead and he snatches an idle tambourine from beside Alfira, joining in with the revelry as he moves his feet. The unseen hands and silvery hair of a goddess guiding his way and turning all eyes onto him*

*meanwhile*

Matron Mother of House Baenre: *sits on her throne after communing with lolth* My beloved pet szarkai, kidnapped by my traitorous daughter. Every chance available to him for freedom or escape, And he weeps for forgiveness in spilling her blood for her betrayal. He has always been so graciously loyal, and now he’s lost on the overworld mourning that he may never get to come home. *smiles with a sinister fondness behind her poisoned lips* So now I leave it to you, my dear, brother. Bring him home, and at last your long awaited union can be realised.

Azoth: *kneeling before her with his assassins* yes, dearest matron.

[yoursummerfrost]

ghost guilt hide hunt for bey <333 tell them i love them

I told Bey that you love them and they said hi they love you too <33

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

Oh, Bey is for sure an expert in being haunted by things :) one of their top three skills in life. Historically they have mostly been haunted by their lover, Charolin, who they had a (semi)secret affair with for approximately ten years. Charolin was from House Baenre, the most influential noble house in the city, and positioning herself to stage a coup and become the next house matron. Zebeystra begged Charolin to abandon Lolth and run away with them to their enclave outside the city; she occasionally acted as if entertaining the idea, but ultimately never did before her eventual assassination. It's been almost a century, and Zebeystra still doesn't know exactly why or how Charolin died, and still blames themself for her death. After all, there must have been something they could have done differently--something they could've said; if they'd been more devout or a better lay or less desperate for her love, maybe Charolin would've changed her mind.

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

I'd say this excerpt from part 2 of the fic series says it best:

Zebeystra trances for nearly twice as long as usual that night, burrowed under the blankets with Astarion and both all their clothes, and thinks of Rel—alive, alive, alive. Laughing and tumbling each other under the covers, hand-scrawling coded pamphlets in the back of his family's shop, bleeding out on the rock— Alive. He's alive. He thinks you're dead. And Tal'jra thinks you're dead, and Zakneyl and all the others, and who will explain a thing like that to the bats? They'll be alright, won't they? Their little family. They have each other, and Zebeystra's pile of half-finished songs, and a third of the garden is in bulb fruit and you'll never really root out bulb fruit once it's there. If Rel had left on a mission and never come back, Zebeystra would have walked off a cliff. They would have curled up in the bed they shared and starved until nothing was left. And here they are, sometimes laughing.

(Aka: what do you do when you've been swearing to the love of your life for the past two centuries that you couldn't live without him, and then break that promise--with no way of knowing if he'll break it too)

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

See above :) because insanely, in their opinion, Zebeystra does really want to be alive. Even when it's fucking miserable and they've lost literally everything that ever gave them a reason to be. And if they do want to stay alive, they certainly can't think too hard about the people they left behind.

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

I think if you asked Zebeystra to reflect on this question, they'd describe it as an internal pit. A core wound of gnawing loneliness and profound isolation that they're running from, rather than truly running towards the love and care of the people around them. If you wanted to get a bit dramatic about it.

OC ask game!

[dumbfrickinlit]

valdrin q&a 1

After a life-changing trek through the harrowing and deadly Gedrith Hold, Valdrin Calmyrak reveals almost all in this shocking one-time interview! (Post BD1, Pre BD2)

"How would you describe the drow race and your relationship with them?”:  "The most fearsome creature of them all; especially the females. They are cruel, oppressive, and hateful. The only respect they have is for themselves; and I find this extremely debatable, considering the treatment of males. All of my life among them I felt like I lived within a double standard; there was a demand to be strong of body and mind, yet also an expectation to appear submissive and weak so that I would appeal to a potential (female) mate. I pity both men and women drow for their service to Lolth. She is a cruel malignant god, whom in youth I accepted blindly. In later years, however, I found my faith slowly collapsing. I was never honest to others with my feelings on the Queen after they changed, as such would mean my death, but there were some I assume that saw through the facade... I was always an outcast within the drow, ever since birth. I had little friends as I was perceived by many to be too weak, too stupid, too trustworthy. And I didn't help my case by involving myself with other men. Considering how children must be born to continue the lineage, and the status of men as subservient to women, it is both taboo and exceedingly frowned upon to have any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with another man. Women engaging with women is more or less accepted, but these relationships are generally sexual, not to mention rare considering the drow's competitive nature.

On top of everything else, as I grew up there was a strange magic that was developing within me - magic I could not control. There were times when - what I now understand to be "magic surges"- would trigger and cause chaos at unintended times. This didn't help with a variety of my social relationships. And although magic is not unfamiliar to drow, there was a fear of my powers because they were not learned from books, as they usually are. Rather, they were innate and utterly untamed. For these reasons, I didn't particularly mesh well within the community. And so I suppose you could say I don’t connect with them rather well -- both back then and now, obviously."

"What is your sexuality? How has your understanding of it changed over time?”: "I suppose now I identify completely with having an interest in men, women, and whatever between... but this was not always the case. During my days in the Underdark, I rarely found myself connecting with or being interested in those of the “fairer” sex. There were many who were beautiful, of course, and in the back of my mind I had always felt as though there was a desire to copulate with one of them, however I could hardly ever bring myself to look past their cold, callous demeanors. While perhaps there are outliers, the social norms of the drow are strictly upheld, and so it seemed to me that every woman I encountered had always had that same heartless, prickly demeanor. And so underground my relationships were almost entirely with men. There were a rare couple relationships that brought me happiness, but they never lasted long. Many of these relationships or advances upon myself led to more ridicule and rumors about me. But regardless of my upstanding, I could only bring myself to engage with the same sex at the time. It wasn't until after I had escaped the Underdark, introduced myself to society on the surface, and learned how different women are above than they are below that I accepted that I was not exclusively homosexual. Sune as well has allowed me to accept and appreciate the beauty of women. Though what beauty drow women (or even the men, to be fair) may have - if any - I have yet to see." "How do you understand the idea of “love?” What does the concept mean to you?”:  “Love? Perhaps before this recent adventure of ours through Gedrith Hold I would have asked if I had ever experienced such a thing. No... “Love” which I have known for so long had always come with... attachments.

Do you love your friends? Then stop causing trouble with your magic. Do you love your sister? Then stop getting in her way so she can succeed. Do you love your father? Then be a man and help spy on our enemies. Do you love your fiance? Then listen to everything she says. Do you love your mother? Then stop being who you are. Always, this notion of “love” seemed to come with some demand or another. But I had known for many years it to be wrong -- this feeling of poison in my veins when I think upon the word “love” in relation to my life in the Underdark. No, it wasn’t until I had read many forbidden texts stolen away from the surface and used as tools of manipulation that I realized how wonderful and divine love can be... In fact, I spent much of my time reading what famous texts I could on love and romance. Some tragic, some heroic, but all inspiring. What a wonderful thing love can be, I thought... But as time carried on I started to wonder if love was only a fairytale - an unrealistic concept which my soul would never know. And I had almost completely given up on it. ...Well, I think until I’d met Lady Igrene. Until I’d met Miss Eurwen and Sir Cameron, my two other dearest friends. Our time together has been so short thus far... but yet I can feel it -- the absence of attachments. Love for me for myself, in spite of what I may or may not offer or how much of an inconvenience I may be... No, I may not yet understand completely what “love” feels like... but I believe I have a better idea now than I have in decades.

"Were you once actually arranged to be married? Who was your fiancé? How did it get broken off?”: "Yes, I was actually engaged at the time I fled the Underdark. To everyone's surprise, especially my own, there was a woman who desired to court me. Though I recall that during the time leading up to her introduction I had been trying my absolute hardest to blend in, so perhaps that explains it. Anyways, after numerous rumors of my relations with men had spread I was under even more pressure by my family to adhere to societal standards. I think this is what finally allowed an engagement to happen... Her name was Nenne. She was not as cruel as my mother, but she had her moments. I had little choice in my mate regardless; this was the first woman to have shown serious interest in me in all of my life, and my family - even I - was desperate. At that point I had wanted so badly to forget everything I'd ever read about the surface... everything I'd ever dreamed in vain of doing, and finally, finally have a normal life among my brethren. More than anything I wanted to feel accepted. I wanted to belong - and I was ready to give anything and everything up to do so. 

But then, my father died. The day after, I returned to Nenne. I hoped she would comfort me - even side with me against my mother - but in the depths of my heart I knew to expect nothing. What a received was far worse. She did not need to speak. The moment I brought the subject up, I saw it. The look in her eyes... in her face, I saw the reflection of my mother in that moment - the moment she told me she had "rid herself" of my "worthless" father. I remembered that chilling moment as I looked into the eyes of my betrothed. And I realized that I could be subject to that very same fate -- the very same betrayal. In Nenne's visage I remembered that I was disposable... And so, I fled."

"How has living on the surface been? What was it first like to set foot above ground?”: "Life on the surface has been a blessing. It has not always been easy... It still isn't. But I would take my worst day above ground over my best day in the Underdark without hesitation. Of course, there are those who discriminate against me for my heritage -  and I do not blame them - but after getting to know me a little, most seem to ease up. Or at least laugh a little. I think being an entertainer helps in this, haha. Regardless, I really do enjoy life under the sun. I feel like I can truly be myself. Initial integration, however, was an alien process. My first interaction with surface-dwellers was the caravan that caught me on the road. I only asked for directions to the nearest town, but I could see the weariness in the eyes of the passengers as they looked up and down my twilight-colored body. I offered the driver one of my family trinkets in return for the information, but then he told me to simply board the wagon for passage. Perhaps he realized how tired and lost I was. And so I traveled to Redwater where I spent the night at the local inn. I bought myself a new outfit and cut from my head my long locks of hair... Then, I had thought that it may hide me from any pursuers, but looking back on it now... Well, I realize how foolish such a thought was, for not many drow exist above the earth, haha. Still... perhaps this was something I felt appropriate for the start of my new life. Regardless, I rested that night and left by foot as the sun broke the next morning. Those were the days when I was first teaching myself to rise and set with the sun. -- And of course it was difficult, for in the Underdark, it was always night... but I can be stubborn - and it was something I convinced myself I wanted to do... But anyways, that morning I traveled further north, putting as much distance as I could between myself and the mine from which I stumbled out of. Eventually I reached the city of Cressela, where I live now."

"What was it like witnessing the Festival of Turnfyre for the first time? How did it inspire you to become a performer?”: "Without match, it was beautiful.  As I made my way through the gates of Cressela for the very first time - as I pushed myself through the sea of people - I did not expect the sight that my eyes would meet. There was a parade. Costumes upon costumes composed of vibrantly-colored cloths. Men on stilts. Jugglers, jesters, tumblers... Long, twirling banners and confetti that showered like rain. And in the markets and spilling out into the nearby streets were booths lined with richly glazed pots and delicately crafted jewelry. It was absolutely wondrous, and its merriment was like nothing I had ever glanced upon before. There were smiles everywhere. And I had seen smiles in the Underdark, yes -- but they were sick, warped, malicious... Every single one, always tainted. These were smiles of pure content. Joy. It was the height of the Festival of Turnfyre, Cressela's weeklong celebration in honor of the arts. As merry men, women, and children danced past me, so too did I feel my anxiety - my fears - sweep away with them. There was poetry and song, as well as a play that very evening. With rapture I took all of it in. I don't remember if I even stopped to eat that night, I was so entranced, haha. And at the end of the play, as sets were taken down and actors ushered away to their homes, I with fluster asked a straggling performer where - and if - I could join them. He explained to me that the festival was put on by the local performer's guild, and that those who paid their dues may join and learn the craft. I had come to Cressela with little thought as to what I would do, but then, all of a sudden, I had found my direction. I begged the guildmaster for my acceptance. She was curious... yet cautious. She knew I had no money nor inheritance with which to pay my admission. And, again, my drow ancestry caused another to look on with fear. ...And yet she accepted me. Of course, it was not in charity; I was given many errand tasks and cleaning duties to pay my dues, but this was of no detriment to my spirit. I had a new bed, a new room, a new home, and - for the first time - an ambition: to become an entertainer, so that I may live within a world where others always smile."

"When did you decide to leave the Underdark for good? What was that journey like for you?: "It was the moment I greeted Nenne post my father's death that I knew I had to leave. To an extent I could reason with myself my father’s fate.. To an extent. But rather, his death was something that I wanted to rationalize -- wanted to accept. Because as I have said before, at this time I had been trying to blend in -- let go of myself to become more like my fellow drow.  ...But my eyes awoke when they met Nenne's that day, and they could no longer stay closed. And so I quickly made an excuse and hurried to my room to separate myself and devise a plan. By then I had been aware of an expanse of caves, though we were not to travel into them. It was fairly obvious to me by then that these caves likely were the way to the surface; and even then, if they weren't, they would at least lead me far from my home. After gathering supplies (water, rations, rope, weapons, and the like that would support me in my escape), I stole into the night. I traveled as fast as I could, for as long as I could. I had hardly the courage to stop once I had left, for fear that others may find me and try to bring me back, if they decided not to simply kill me on the spot for my abandonment. Luckily, I was met with little opposition outside of bugs and rats. The journey lasted a small number of days - though after a while it had become hard to tell. Eventually, I stumbled into a small, decommissioned mine. And on tired feet I eventually stepped out of the rocks and onto grass... and it was then that I saw the sun for the first time, just as it was setting on the horizon. It was bright - almost unbearably so - but to my fortune it soon set. I wandered in the night, and then long into the next day, virtually blind as the sun rose higher and higher. Now and again I would trip and fall, but each time I picked myself back up. I had been traveling along a country road when a caravan rolled up from behind me. After talking with the driver he let me aboard, and later I found myself in the town of Redwater... There were times, I admit, as I gathered supplies, snuck away into the darkness, traversed among the caves, even riding down the caravan road, that I wondered if what I was doing was right. To be honest, I was scared -- almost enough to give up everything and turn back. I didn't know who or what I would meet on the surface. There could be many dangers - both of beast and of men - that might be unbeknownst to me. I thought that I very well could be running to my own death. But each time I reminded myself that certain death was what I was already running from -- that is, if not death of the body, then surely death of the soul."

“What is the name Valdrin Calmyrak? Does it mean anything?”: "The name I first gave to that caravan driver, and the name I continue to live by. I hadn't given it any thought about it then when I gave it to him; it wasn't until later had I realized how silly and perhaps revealing the name was or is. 'Val' means 'dark' or 'darkness.' 'Drin' means 'rogue/stealer.' To me, it brings thoughts of stealing the darkness away for cover as I made my escape; or perhaps how I "stole" myself from the Underdark...  'Cal' as well means 'noble' or 'lord,' and 'myr,' 'bones'; though 'myr' also can mean 'lost' among females, so... 'Lord of Bones?' 'Lost Lord?' -- I suppose that one isn't as contrived as first name. The '-ak' was more or less just a lilt on the end. 'Calmyr' doesn’t sound quite right to me -- to me, it sounds incomplete. But to my knowledge 'ak' doesn't mean anything... But yes, 'Valdrin Calmyrak' is the alias that I have lived by for years, and luckily I respond to it just as I would a real name now. As far as I'm concerned, it is my real name. I shall admit though... 'Valdrin' is not without his problems, I’ve come to realize. As I continued my work among the Performer's Guild, I grew a greater and greater lust for attention and admiration. So yes, 'Valdrin' can be haughty, stubborn, and attention-seeking, but he is also passionate, honest, and - somewhat - confident; and that can be seen as - at the very least - an improvement over the person I once was."

"So if you are Valdrin Calmyrak now, who was Elend'il Ven'arluth? What does that name now mean to you?”: "A remnant of a sordid past, and a name I would rather forget. ...The mere thought of it brings clouds over my bright skies. It is a sea of isolation and misery that washes over me in my remembrance... Elend'il was a man born into a foreign world. He was a son brought up in an ill-fitting family. He was a lover with no other half. When I think about Elend'il I see no future, no happiness... nothing except for wasted tears and promises of a short life on countless pairs of lips. Elend'il was always clutching at something; only to return his hand with nothing. Elend'il fought, surrendered, wept, let go, pretended... but never did he get anywhere. He followed long-forgotten trails that he believed would lead him home, only to find that he was still endlessly, hopelessly lost. To me to be Elend'il was to be absent."

"How do you feel about Eurwen Honeyscroll?”: "There are feelings for her that I can't quite admit. She is, of course, beautiful; it would be a slight upon Sune not to admit so... However, there is something, some part of her that sometimes finds it way to the surface that I find equally tantalizing. I don't want to believe it is just lust. But whatever the case, for now we remain only friends. There have been moments during her visits where I've tried to divulge with her my deeper feelings, but always it ends misconstrued... Perhaps I can't phrase myself correctly under such stress... More likely is it that though that she does not return my feelings. She must be simply content with making suggestive jokes and letting the moment pass."

"How do you feel about Lucius Cameron?”: "It's a small disappointment that he didn't return my interest, but it's to be expected, haha. I have had my fair share of rejection. I hold no ill-will for Cameron because of what he does or does not like. He is an admirable friend; warm, kind, and actually quite humorous at times as well. His strength reminds of me some I coupled with in the Underdark -- however his is a strength to protect and do good; not to manipulate or threaten. Anyways, I hope that we can be friends for many years to come."

"How do you feel about Igrene Gedrith?”: "I would say she is the most important woman in my life. She is a wealth of beauty and serenity, but also sadness and despair... I hope to relieve her of such ailments through our new life together. Now that I think of it, though, there are many ways we are similar... Suffering under the cruel punishment of selfish women... Family taken from us by those we trusted... Left alone to endure in silence for years upon years... Oddities that make us hard to fit within modern society... And yet we both must also share that same hope for a better tomorrow. ...Yes, that is what I believe binds us the most. Sure, there are many that think we are an item, but I love her as friend and mentor first and only. Through her I may shed the selfish nature 'Valdrin' has adopted... And through her I hope to learn better how to make others smile." “How do you feel about Takako Taiki?”: “...Must I be asked such a question? Ah... what even is there to say? I feel deeply for what happened to her -- it was an awful, retched curse that that axe put upon her... But even so, was it entirely the axe...? I suppose we might never know. But really, I... I do feel awful for that whole affair. But what was I to do?? It was obvious to me that if she didn’t... you know... that she would come back and try to kill me. There was something awfully wrong and vicious about her. And for all the destruction she caused in such a short time span... Well, I felt as though there was no going back for her. It was either then, or the gallows... And to me, it seemed like a mercy, then... ... I do wonder from time to time though about how else that situation could have resolved... All I can say is that as I knew her - before that incident - she seemed to be a loyal person and a strong fighter... perhaps even a friend. Perhaps. But it’s obvious my feelings are quite mixed on the matter. I should say though that wherever her soul is, I do hope it is resting peacefully. ...For her sake, and for mine, admittedly.”

"How do you feel about Tomas Eldrydyn?”: "Tomas Eldrydyn.... A name only amongst a few others that chills me to the bone. Never had I thought that I would be met with such opposition in my entertainment career. I mean, certainly I have encountered many an irritated audience member -- not to mention those in the Guild who still meet me with apprehensive gazes...  But a thoroughly-trained and well-renowned assassin with nothing less than a deathwish for myself? Even now it is still impossible to fathom. Perhaps only I could garner the attention of such an erratic individual. Regardless of the case, I cannot deny the immense effect the man has had on me. When I... 'dream' at night... When I close my eyes for just a moment too long... When my illusory fingers rest on the delicate strings of my harp just before I begin a performance... the ghostly image of him is there, plaguing me. -- Glaring down upon my lonesome figure from the far back of an enshrouded theatre. Each time is a reminder of that singular moment: the moment that I believe I could have saved him. The moment where I failed him, myself, and Lady Igrene. For - as I can understand it - there was no reason for him to die. -- No reason other than I was simply not good enough to motivate him to continue to live. ...And that, to me, is failing as an entertainer. 

...You know, as strange as it might be to admit, I truly feel as though he was the better one. - The better entertainer, that is. Because as I begged and pleaded with him to reconsider his actions... as his last breaths escaped his dying body... I remembered something - something I'd long forgotten as I began to devote myself more and more to being a performer. For so long did I let myself become wrapped up in the idea of being an entertainer - of being loved and admired and accepted - that I forget what I had originally became one for. Because of Tomas Eldrydyn, I remembered that it wasn't about me. It wasn't about my fame or my recognition. It was always about them... The audience. Other people. And in my own haste to finally feel accepted and loved by others... I forgot what mattered most. To make people smile... even when it’s been a long day at the docks. Even when your lover has decided to leave you. Even when the cost of war rests heavy on your shoulders. To live in that world full of smiles... I wonder how close you were to that goal, Jester Thomas?”

[shaydh]

Valdir’s Profile Thing

Updated infodump about Valdir because @mrs-cheese asked for it and the previous one was from two years ago and I revised/added stuff. This is mostly me scrambling to reconcile my story with all the canon I broke by deciding to play a special snowflake drow Bhaalspawn  ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Valdir Telsaerryn Neutral evil drow sorcerer 

Stats:

Str: 10

Dex: 18

Con: 16

Int: 14

Wis: 10

Cha: 18

(Useless information because BG stats are just a ton of rerolling, except I suppose it means he’s pretty sturdy for a caster. His top three stats are cha, con, and dex)

Relations:

BG1 party members: Imoen, Montaron, Xzar, Dorn, Viconia

BG2 party members: Imoen, Dorn, Viconia, Korgan, Sarevok, Edwin, Hexxat

Generally refuses to associate with surface elves and doesn’t like having them in his party.

Romances Dorn. Will only romance male characters of a non-good alignment that are not elves, halflings, or gnomes.

Tends to be very slightly more respectful/less shitty towards female characters due to drow culture.

Some more random info:

Age: ~135 at the beginning of BG1

Height: 171 cm (5′7″)

Voiceclaim: Yaevinn in Witcher 1

His eyes and teeth aren’t naturally like that, he had it done with some kind of polymorph spell or eyeball tattoos or whatever don’t question it too much I just wanted to draw him like that

Mostly only knows offensive spells, especially if they set people on fire. It takes him a lot of effort to learn non-evocation spells so he only focused on a few defensive spells.

His weapons of choice are daggers and crossbows.

Background:

His mother was a low-ranked commoner, formerly an assassin who had lost the favor of Lolth. She willingly bore Bhaal’s child, wanting to do anything she could to spite Lolth’s clerics. She managed to arrange for Valdir to become a ward of the noble House Auvryani, but she gave her life for that opportunity.  Valdir was sent to one of Ched Nasad’s wizard guilds for training.

After he graduated, Valdir stayed with House Auvryani until it was defeated in a war with House Telsaerryn. Upon finding him and killing off the last noble Auvryani, Matron Mother Iraedra offered to recruit Valdir, intrigued by his determination and perhaps sensing something of his divine heritage. He accepted.

Valdir became the house wizard and eventually the patron of House Telsaerryn, and so he attained a noble title. He had a long-standing rivalry with former patron and weapons master Kelaszar, which the Matron Mother encouraged, as she considered it a way to keep both of them from becoming complacent in their rank (and also it was pretty funny to watch).

Eventually, one of Valdir and Kelas’ disagreements nearly led to the downfall of their house, and Iraedra decided it was too much of a liability to keep both around. She sent both of them to join an allied house’s Surface raiding party as punishment, fully expecting that one would kill the other sometime during the journey.

Their target was an elven village/shrine. Unfortunately, they were spotted by a few Harpers (Gorion among them) who happened to be in the area. The elves were given enough warning to drive the raiding party back without too much bloodshed. (Just for fun: If Valdir were a joinable NPC instead of the PC, his personal quest would involve going back and wiping out the whole village. Because he’s petty like that.)

Kelas saw his chance and stabbed Valdir in the back while he was finishing off some guards, but Valdir managed to avoid a fatal strike. Their fight was interrupted by the arrival of several Harpers, and Kelas fled, assuming that Valdir would either bleed out or be finished off by the reinforcements.

The Harpers kept Valdir alive to interrogate him about the location of the Underdark tunnel the raiding party had used so that it could be sealed off. It was a very short interrogation. Valdir told them willingly, not feeling any particular loyalty to this particular party (because they weren’t his soldiers) and hoping that Kelas would be killed by the pursuing elves.

Once Gorion (somehow) realized he was a child of Bhaal, he took Valdir back to Candlekeep as a captive. For reasons. (Incidentally, Abdel Adrian existed in this timeline! He was the one Gorion found as a baby and brought back to Candlekeep but he died of a fever as a child. Because fuck that guy.)

Valdir was held in a magically warded room in a relatively remote part of the Keep, and had several geas placed on him. One prevented him from harming anyone in Candlekeep and one prevented him from casting any magic. He resented the second one the most. Initially, he refused to speak to Gorion, aside from demanding to be released or asking Gorion to explain why he had been captured rather than killed, but after a few months of solitude he was bored and antsy enough that he told Gorion about his past, albeit very rudely, thus confirming Gorion’s suspicions about his Bhaalspawn heritage.

Valdir was allowed to borrow books from the library, and he spent a great deal of time reading since he had nothing better to do. His speech in Common is quite formal since he mostly learned from books and speaking with Gorion. His speech is more casual in Drow, and he swears more.

Imoen was forbidden from visiting him, so of course she went and pestered him endlessly. Valdir found her very irritating at first, but since she was one of the few people who would talk to him, he grew accustomed to her. He ended up developing a certain fondness for her (he started off seeing her as a small annoying pet, but by BG2 he actually started caring about her, not that he would admit it). At Candlekeep, he would sometimes indirectly aid her in pulling pranks because he was bored and it would cause trouble for Gorion (though he would deny any involvement because drow do not engage in such childish antics).

After a year or so of reasonably good behavior, Valdir was allowed out of his room and was free to wander the grounds, though Gorion warned him he’d be locked up again if he caused any trouble. Valdir mostly kept to himself. The other residents treated him with suspicion at first, and he was unpleasant enough that he never made any real friends (though he ended up becoming acquainted with most of the named characters anyway).

He stayed at Candlekeep for nearly three years. At the start of BG1, Gorion gave him a pendant enchanted with a Disguise spell so that he wouldn’t be persecuted for being a drow. Valdir was extremely offended that he had to disguise himself as a surface elf, but Gorion threatened to leave him behind until he agreed. He uses the pendant only when absolutely necessary, usually when passing through small villages when he decides it’d be too much trouble to reveal his race. (Basically me handwaving why he doesn’t get as much shit for being a drow as Viconia… Just don’t think too hard about it.)

After Gorion died, he didn’t intend to follow his instructions at first. The geas sealing his magic faded, though his power returned gradually (meaning time to level up!) Imoen insisted that they go to the Friendly Arm Inn anyway, pointing out that he had no allies on the surface, little understanding of surface customs, and he’d probably get killed by the first group of Flaming Fist mercenaries he saw. Reluctantly, he agreed to travel with her, and though he complained about everything on the surface (the sun, the iblith, the lack of decent baths!) he started to enjoy not having to answer to any priestesses. He had a vague goal of finding and killing Sarevok, mostly because he was annoyed at Sarevok killstealing Gorion from him. He became much more invested in the quest once he found out he was a Bhaalspawn and he decided to become a god.