Where do your roots start
And where do your roots end?
Something about seeing only the worst of yourself in the mirror. Something violent and terrifying, but knowing you only grew that violence in response to violence against you. Knowing your power comes from a place of trauma, something you don’t remember but wish had never happened. But it did, and here you are. There’s something new in you that isn’t the you that you understand and you wish it wasn’t but it is. Violence begets violence and you are unable to control what grows from the seeds that were planted. So you have to live with it and try not to let that violence spread.
You’ve already failed once.
And you see it every time you look in the damn mirror.
—
For Body Horror Week’s final day, prompt: Roots by In This Moment
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also, because i'm still thinking about the disco elysium kids:
i think the difference in how people react to cuno vs cunoesse is really so indicative of peoples' reactions in general to trauma survivors. they're both kids who scream at you and call you slurs, but cuno will open up to you a little if you talk to him the right way and pass the right checks and give him time. and you can go to cuno's apartment and find out exactly what's caused him to act that way; you can see his dad and hear about how his dad acts and go "well, his behavior is still shitty, but he's 12 and i know why he acts that way, so it's fine", and then harry can take him back to jamrock with him and presumably into a life that's at least slightly better than his life in martinaise.
but i've seen (mostly outside of tumblr) a lot of people who play the game absolutely hate cunoesse, and i think it's because you don't get such an easy explanation for why she acts how she does? she screams and calls you slurs, too, but she won't let you get close to her. she freaks out if you even walk near her and accuses you of trying to hurt her. you don't get to find her house or her parents or an easy explanation, and she's not about to give you any potential ammo to hurt her further with by explaining what's happened to her. and it's pretty clear if you look for it — a 10 year old isn't just gonna accuse any adult who walks near her of attempted assault unless some real bad shit has happened to them — but because she isn't able to be can-opened by harry, isn't willing to calm down and talk to you, isn't able to let her guard down to give the audience insight into her mind, she's immediately seen as less sympathetic. people empathize more with those who respond to trauma with sadness than with anger, even when both of the subjects are little kids, and i think it's fucked up that just because she's angry cunoesse gets less sympathy from the audience than cuno does!!
(also not to mention like. the additional axes of gender, and of her being from outside of revachol, and of the different types of abuse at play for each of them. because i'm sure that all also plays a part in the differing reactions in-universe and on an audience level!)
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in this episode Imogen:
Took off her circlet. You know, that one that finally gave her peace and quiet, that soothed her constant pain and anxiety, and that gave her the confidence and energy to get back to fully feeling comfortable on her own skin after years. That’s the one. She just took it off.
Told laudna that she was disgusted by the fact that delilah was always watching them. You know, something that laudna fully has no control over whatsoever.
Admitted that she felt like she’s “tainted” and that the gods have been ignoring her for her entire life, in spite of her trying over and over to reach them. So she doesn’t really want to save them.
Mentioned being genuinely scared of meeting Liliana again. Totally not a problem, I’m sure nothing bad will happen there. Specially not in the next couple of episodes.
Said some unfair stuff to fearne, that I genuinely think is coming from somewhere else entirely, and I hope we circle back to eventually.
It’s safe to say that I am officially ✨worried✨ about the farmgirl
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If it's okay with you, could you write a drabble about the hypothetical aftermath of Amane getting attacked by Kotoko?
Welp thank you pal for making me absolutely insane with this request 👍 I ran through a few hypotheticals and realized I had to shift some things around since there were so many absolutely tragic outcomes. I worked something out but damn if it didn’t make me emotional to think about how uniquely rough Amane has it. Even making sure she's in a good place at the end, this got pretty serious, so warnings for child abuse and cult references.
(So in canon, Kotoko goes in order and attacks Fuuta, but Kazui steps in. Then she attacks Mahiru while he’s distracted with his injuries. She’s about to attack Amane, but Mikoto gets in the way (my hc that he did it on purpose survives!). By the time they reach a draw, Kazui is back, and the two of them can prevent Kotoko from any further action against Amane. Sticking to this apparent system of three attacks and one rescue, I’m just shuffling around the injuries for this story. Fuuta’s attack went unnoticed, and he’s in the same state as canon Mahiru. Mikoto steps in before Kotoko can fight Mahiru, so Mappi’s the one who get out physically unscathed. While Mikoto checks on Mahiru, recovers himself, or discovers Fuuta, Kotoko is able to attack Amane next. Kazui comes to help, but not before she leaves Amane looking like canon Fuuta.)
Mahiru could practically feel her heart shatter into a million pieces when Amane finally cried in front of her. She hadn’t shed a single tear yesterday – it was the shock, Shidou said. Mahiru was skeptical. After all, she had been shocked, too, and cried plenty.
Amane woke as she came in with breakfast. She took a moment to survey herself, bandages peeking out from beneath her pajamas and an eyepatch securely over her right eye. As calmly as one might say “good morning,” she started to cry. Mahiru might have missed it, if Amane hadn’t wiped at her good eye with her sleeve.
“Oh, sweetheart…!” Mahiru rushed over to her. “It’s okay, I’m here.” She wanted nothing more than to wrap the girl in a secure embrace, but she remembered the mass of bandages that were around her chest. Shidou had mentioned broken ribs and bruises. It took everything in her not to cry along with Amane, at the thought.
“I can get you another ice pack, if you need. Or more medicine.” Her mind spun with ways to help with pain. Many of the first aid supplies had been used to keep Fuuta from the brink of death, but surely there were extras to spare for Amane.
The girl just shook her head.
She muttered, “I can’t… I…I’m going to be punished, I’m going to be punished…”
“No! You’re safe now.” Mahiru placed her hands gently on Amane’s arms. “Kotoko’s not coming back. We’re all watching over you. You’re safe. She’s not going to hurt you anymore.”
“That’s not…” Amane pulled away. Her voice stayed level, despite hiccups interrupting her. A hand reached up to her eyepatch. “It’s this. It’s all of this. It’s sinful. I took it off last night, but he must have…” She started unwrapping it. “They’re going to punish me...”
With a careful motion, Mahiru held it in place and took Amane’s hands into her own. She’d been picking up on the signs ever since they arrived here together, and a final wave of understanding washed over her.
“I can’t let you do that.”
Amane’s expression twisted, though words came out far more frantic than fiery. “Let me go.”
Mahiru didn’t. “I’m sorry. Amane, you need this treatment.”
“That is not your decision to make. That is not any human’s decision to make.”
Mahiru pressed her lips together. “I know. But I can’t watch as you… I can’t sit by again while someone…” She was careful not to apply any pressure, but she could no longer fight the urge to gather Amane up in her arms. “You don’t need to be afraid of those people, anymore.”
“I’m not afraid.” Amane hiccuped. “They love me, and I love them. I need to be good for them.”
“I love you, and I don’t want to see you in pain.”
“You just pity me because I’m young.”
“Why does your age matter? You are a lovely young woman – you are my friend – and I can’t bear to see you in pain.”
The two sat in silence for a moment. Mahiru doubted she would take that as an answer; Amane had refused to call any of the others her friend. At least she didn’t argue. In fact, it seemed she was leaning into the embrace a bit more. She sighed a shaky breath into Mahiru’s uniform.
“Listen, Amane. Can you do me a favor? I’m trying to be a good girl, too. To make up for something awful, I need to make sure you’re alright. Can you help me? Can we be good together?”
A long pause followed. Amane’s voice spoke up, ever so gently.
“I suppose I can consider it.” She added quickly, “for the sake of your redemption. Of course.”
“Of course.”
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Bruce Yamada post revival!
Here’s the sweet and lovable baseball player!!! He enjoys baseball, and soft jazz!
I tried to make it seem like he’s thinking of spaced out because like canon Bruce has the most memory issues post revival, he has trouble remembering numbers, dates, faces, and sometimes names. It frustrates him, so to keep his mind busy he pops rubber bands on his wrist, and he writes in a memory book!
He’s still very sweet but I think dying put a damper on his personality, he’s spacey, aloof, and calm on most days and sometimes he’s cold, bitter, and mean on worse ones. Those are the days where he can barely remember he’s alive.
I tried to keep it similar to canon with him having his memory and own sense of self being altered because like all the others I think dying left a serious impact on his mental health and psyche.
One thing didn’t change though!! He’s a major nerd for baseball and is an absolute natural at it!
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