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lunarw0rks · 10 months

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Through The Ashes | Chapter Seven

Summary: You've been given an offer to join the 141 Task Force. Upon taking it, you find yourself ensnared with the mysterious masked man who won't take his eyes off you.

Warning(s): explicit content (18+), PTSD themes, canon-typical violence, slight gore, mentions of trauma, references parental death, grief, hurt/comfort but also hurt/nocomfort

A/N: should I write an epilogue? (not proofread) | Word Count: 3.2k

꒦꒷ MAIN MASTERLIST ꒷꒦ GHOST MASTERLIST ⋆ ⚘ 🕊 ˚✧ ₊˚ʚ prev. chapter | next chapter // requests | ao3 | playlist

Loose Ends

You dig out the packet from your pocket and slide it across Price’s desk.

“It’s all in the form, Sir.”

He takes it and flips through the pages, skimming the highlighted parts. “Stress leave? You’re sure about this, Private?” He flicks his eyes back up to you and raises a brow.

“Just a few months, until I can figure out my options. And I don’t want anyone to know about it, I don’t want it causing a fuss.”

“I understand.” You nod, relieved for it to be approved. You head for the door and place your fingers around the handle. You’re stopped by him speaking once more.

“You’ve done good work around here. I’m sure you’ll make a good decision.” You flash a friendly smile at Price, and then exit his office.

You’re happy to be back at the Safehouse where your career in the 141 first started, even though it came with plenty of ups and downs.

El Sin Nombre is in custody, Hassan is dead. For the first time in months, the roster is clear—a perfect time to slip away.

—

You’re sitting in your barrack, gazing out the window at the secluded country around you. You yearned for the blissful ignorance people carried every day. The horrible things you and your coworkers see and protect everyday citizens from—it does something to you; it makes you look at things differently, even the beautiful scenery around you.

As your eyes are glued to the sky, the enjoyment is null. Your ears fill with the screams of innocents you heard in Chicago over and over again. It’s been a persistence ever since you returned, during any moment of solitude.

You needed out—a few months, maybe a year, and you’d be back in duty. Or maybe, you fulfill your contract and retire early.

A rapid set of knocks stirs you out of your thoughts, making you look up at the culprit. It’s Soap, leaning on the doorframe with a look of unease written on his expression.

“Price wants you. Something about that bastard Graves.” Before you can question it, he zipped down the hall to the meeting room.

Graves? As in, Philip Graves? He was presumed K.I.A. It’s always one problem after another, never seeming to end.

You stand yourself up and quickly follow in Soap’s footsteps, taking your usual spot next to him. Price barely waits for you to be seated before he begins his speech. His brows are tightened, his face is carrying a tension worse than when El Sin Nombre went silent.

“Graves' whereabouts are somewhere stateside, and he’s working with the Russians running some sort of Task Force of mercenaries.” You nearly fall out of the seat with the force of the shock. Russians? How has he flown under the radar so long?

Ghost shifts in his seat a bit, and his eyes grow cold. “Soap killed the bastard himself, how is that possible?”

“He’s had a plan in the works for months.” Price adds. “We need to stop his convoy coming in, and evacuate the civilians nearby.”

Goddammit. The last thing your psyche needed was more casualties weighing on you, especially in the hands of a traitorous con artist like Graves.

“We’re leaving the day after tomorrow. Stay sharp out there.”

—

Ever since the meeting about Graves, you’ve felt half-in-half-out. He was supposed to be dead, dead and gone, but he’s not. And now he shows up and has some malicious plan to get back at your team.

You must not have noticed it until now, but you’re spacing out again for God knows how long. You snap out of it, and force your hands to continue stapling the papers in front of you. You look over, and Ghost stares briefly, before his gaze goes back to the straight ahead. If anybody knows how you feel right now, it’s probably him.

“Forgot these.” He places a stack of folders down in front of you. You can tell he’s trying not to mention the obvious, not that he would anyway.

There’s no turning back now—you’ll be gone in a few days anyway.

“Ghost.”

“Yeah?” He halts, turning to face you.

“How do you do it? That… way about you? You just… Shut everything off and keep working.”

He almost scoffs right through his mask, leaning a hand on your desk. “I don’t recommend it, Sergeant.”

“Then when does it stop? The things that keep replaying in your head?” Your question hangs in the air a few seconds, before you continue your ramble. “I can’t see past it—the lies and the violence, and the way we all just avoid it.”

He steps a little closer, leaning down to meet your eyes. He knows that feeling all too well, but he’s learned to mask it.

“If you keep thinking like that, it’ll swallow you up. You’re a good soldier, better than most of the muppets I’ve seen. You know that, right?”

You’re fiddling with the paper in your hands, trying to deflect some of the feelings you’re having right now. You press your lips into a line, and nod your head. His words meant more than most.

“You’re not planning on jumping off a cliff, are you?” He asks, letting out a dry chuckle. “Don’t tell me it’s something terminal, either.”

You can’t control the smile spreading on your face. It was not the line you were expecting to lighten the mood, but it worked nonetheless.

He reaches out a fist and gives your chest a few knocks right over your heart. “Feels pretty sturdy to me. You’ll be ‘right.”

Saying thank you would be pointless. He’s not a man of many words to begin with, especially not words of appreciation. You outstretched your arms and gave him a brief embrace, as if to let yourself say goodbye to him without the pressure of figuring out what to say. You debate on even telling him you’re going away.

It’s an unexpected move on both parts, but he doesn’t jerk away from you like he did last time. Instead of pulling away, he places his palm on the back of your head, giving it a gentle clasp.

You both pull away, and he looks as if he doesn’t know what to do with the affection. He loses his eye contact, and his inelegant demeanor returns.

“Felt more like a goodbye… We’ll need you out there when we hunt that bastard down.”

“I wouldn’t miss that for the world.” You reply, almost boastfully. After a seconds pause, you bite the bullet. “I put in for some leave, not sure how long, yet.”

He’s less shocked than you expected him to be, but given the way you vented maybe it isn’t.

“I’ll pick up the slack while you’re gone. But then I want you back bright and early, five-o-clock sharp.” His words lighten, having an edge of humor to them. Then again, he could be serious and you wouldn’t know.

You crinkle your nose to stifle a laugh, finishing sorting the papers that you have procrastinated on for months. You place the boxes under the desk, and then move onto the next batch. You’ve expected him to be gone by now, but he isn’t.

“Before you go—” Ghost speaks from the entrance of the room, as if he stopped in the middle of stride. His eyes look soft again, and they’re scanning you like they’ve done a hundred times.

“—we should have a round together.”

—

The tires screech to a stop on the pavement, jerking all of you around with force. Door opens, and you and the others pile out, guns drawn and ready.

“I want everyone to evacuate civilians first.” Price commands, standing in front of the group.

“Go in pairs and take one building each. Direct them to the triage center down the road. Graves’ll destroy anything to prove a point, so get the hell out of there.”

You follow Ghost, who’s the first person to your right. Your feet pound as you both bolt up the road. You claim the first building, which is some sort of an office, but the structure looks ancient. He smashes through the glass entrance and steps inside. The flashlight attached to his barrel is the only thing allowing you to see ahead of you.

You turn off and check the lower level, but it’s clear.

“Anyone upstairs?” You shout, since he’s sure to hear you through the thin walls.

“Clear.” His voice echoes down the stairwell.

You meet him outside, waiting to regroup before you move onto the next building. The next one is further up the road—a hotel closed for construction. This time, you take the lead, bursting through the door.

There’s a few employees that you usher out of there, directing them to the triage center. There’s no time to answer their frantic questions, anything could happen in a matter of minutes.

“Convoy is a few miles out. Make sure you’re out of there before then.” Price chirps through, only heightening your apprehension to get through this operation. You rush up the flights of stairs, sweeping each vacant room for anyone. “We’re heading down to the triage center. Both of you meet us there.”

After checking the rooms, you take the elevator back to the ground level, meeting up with Ghost once more. “Upper level is clear,” you say, in between catching your breath.

“Dining hall is the last area. Let’s sweep it before we’re sitting ducks.”

You reach the dining hall, which seems to be the area under remodel. Tarps are spread over the missing pieces of the roof, but you can still see the stars glimmer through the gaps. Pieces of drywall are peeled away, and there’s equipment still left laying askew.

You search through the entirety of it, but it’s as empty as the upper levels.

When you pass by the bar alongside Ghost’s eyes don’t leave the path in front of him.

As you’re both nodding to one another, signaling that it’s time to go, your radio chimes in. It gargles for a while, as if it’s struggling to receive the message at the right frequency. You furrow your brow and press the button, “Repeat that again, frequency is shot.”

Ghost stops in his tracks as he listens through his own, trying to pick out any words or phrases in case it’s an important callout. He shakes his head and pulls out his walkie-talkie, which is also emitting the same error.

He gives it a few smacks and curses when it doesn’t work. He keeps it in his grip just in case it works again, but motions his head in the direction of the door. “Let’s get out of here, I don’t like this.”

“Good to see you boys again.” The glitched voice emitting through your wire stops you dead in your tracks. You place a hand on Ghost’s shoulder, yanking him into a stop so you can hear it further.

When he does, he sprints to the other side of the large room, checking the entrance and windows for any sign of hostiles.

You look at him wide-eyed, as the line goes dead again. Graves had patched into your frequency and clogged it so you couldn’t reach your team. Whatever he was planning before, it’s here now and there’s no time to stop.

Your earpiece unexpectedly picks up the frequency again when you reach the middle of the dining hall. It gargles out a few words that you can’t understand, and then it emits a high-pitched shriek so boosted it makes you keel over and rip it out.

Ghost moves quicker than before, as your hurried steps try to catch up with him, your boots echoing with each careful stride—as if to not get your foot caught in any of the uneven patches of flooring.

The glass on the chandeliers began to rattle, as did the glassware packed away in boxes. You felt the floor vibrate, and the tarps over the exposed drywall began to whoosh. The electricity flickered as a loud whoosh of a jet passed overhead. The lights exploded into sparks, making you cover your ears for cover.

You had no time to get any closer to the door before the force of a nearby explosion knocked you to the hard ground. The world around feels like it’s been tilted on its axis, and your vision is doubled. You see Ghost already scrambled to his feet, and he’s outstretching his hand to help you up.

You reach for it and just barely brush against his fingertips. When you’re too sluggish, he clasps your upper arm and jerks you toward him, just barely getting you upright.

Another jet passes overhead, the sound of the engine fills your ears once more. When another bomb drops, it’s closer than the last. You knock into one of the pillars, losing your balance again. A clamorous groan of the building causes him to lose his grip on you, and you’re knocked down again, fading in and out of consciousness.

Ghost ripped himself away just as the already fragile structure began to crumble. He covered his head as the blast proceeded, gathering himself when the destruction came to a stop. Ghost coughed away the dust and stumbled through the dimness of the large space.

“Where are you?” He rasped as he felt around, gripping onto one of the pillars still standing.

He climbed through a gap in the boards, looping through one of the neighboring rooms to locate you. His heart skipped a beat when he saw you—draped across the floor with rubble surrounding you—illuminated only by the night sky, its radiance shining through the faulted roof.

Your foot was pinned by a piece of cement, rendering it unusable.

He throws his radio onto the ground and is by your side in a second, knelt beside you. When you finally come to, you try to move, but your foot is pinned completely.

“Don’t move your feet.” He spouts in a low tone, looking around the room for anything he can use to jack it up, but everything nearby is smashed to pieces.

Your eyes dart around the room to assess the damage, but you can’t crane your neck enough to see it all.

Finally, he finds a board to shove some of it away enough. He grabs your calf and pulls your foot out from under, but it’s completely limp. You can’t feel any of this, as if you’re under anesthesia, which is both a blessing and a curse.

You swallow, giving some saturation to your dry throat. “How bad’s the leg?” You murmur, unable to see what kind of deformity he’s tending to.

“You’ll be alright, need to find a way out.” He crawls back to your side, looking every which way as if an exit door was going to appear out of thin air.

He intertwines your hand, attempting to hoist you up. “Lean on me,” he says unsteadily. You can’t use your weight at all, or move for that matter—almost immediately dropping back to the ground.

A sharp, shooting pain runs up your backbone, making you wail in agony. His hands hasten around to find the source of it. Your excruciation is like someone running a knife along his skin. He knows that sound all too well.

He turns your torso, revealing the source of it—shards of metal plates embedded deep within your spine, and it’s been bleeding this whole time. He masks his panic as best as he can, but his silence is every answer you need.

“I can’t feel it anymore…” You whisper, now unable to move anything in your lower half.

The marble floor you’re limp upon is slowly becoming covered with your blood, seeping into the grout and cracks of it. You’re losing too much, too fast—and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

You feel each breath turn into an irregular wheeze with an increasing amount of seconds between each of them.

Ghost shifted the position you were in so your head was hiked onto his thigh, having no choice but to look up at him. You rest your palm on the ground beside you, using the last of your remaining energy to trace the pattern of the marble.

He stops your hand and clenches it, halting your twitching. He moves his other hand to your hair and holds onto the side of your head, not breaking eye contact with you for a second.

“We should get that drink, Sergeant.” He speaks softly, his eyes wrinkling over the weight of his own words.

You titter at his words, allowing them to distract you from the despondency of the situation you’re in. There’s nothing you can say to him that won’t fissile into the air—the silence is loud enough to fill those gaps in.

Ghost is mirroring what he did when his mother passed, cradling her as if he could nurse the wounds away. He recalls the same way her eyes were washed over with emptiness, no longer hosting any soul in them.

The way your chest rattles, the crimson seeping through the cracks of your skin and leaking onto his clothes—it’s a familiar sorrow.

He leans down and presses his lips to yours after the labored breaths stopped—something he didn’t have the courage to do when you were right in front of him nearly everyday. It was not the lustful, craving kisses you two shared, it was a kiss expelling the torment causing his heart to flutter.

“Ghost? How copy?” His walkie that he tossed chimed, finally coming through clearly. They were minutes late—minutes that they could’ve helped you.

“Ghost, what’s your status?”

He didn’t dare take his eyes off your lifeless body, only wanting to savor the last bits of warmth your skin still had. His lips left yours, quivering in a way that hadn’t since he was a tormented child—something he’d never openly express to anyone.

He removed your head from his thigh, then placed your hand down gently, rising to his unsteady feet.

He looked down at the blood coating his hands and the fabric of his trousers, the way it ran down his fingers and onto his sleeve—it made his skin crawl.

“Ghost, do you copy?”

His head pivots to the radio on the ground. His lip tightens in frustration when he hears the callout. The emotions he’s having all stewing inside him all at once—it’s too much.

He picks up the radio and projects it onto the ground, hearing each piece of it shatter at his feet.

His fists clench at his sides as he looks at you one more time, with you remaining in the same limp position he left you in. The sounds of your agony echoed within him, the feeling of your skin turning cold when he sat there long enough, the fabric of his balaclava now saturated with his own tears.

“I’m sorry.” His words felt void against the emptiness of the degradation surrounding him.

It was a phrase he uttered to you multiple times before,

a phrase he’d never be able to tell you enough,

a phrase you’d never be able to pardon him for again.

[Alternate Ending]

TAGLIST: @neoarchipelago @ghostlythots @gothgirl6-6-6 @cloudyyjanee @ladyelissarose @almightywdm @glitterypirateduck @brokenghostgirl1 @a-jupiter-n-mars-blog @liliumbosniacum (IT WONT LET ME TAG SOME OF U GUYS SORRY)

#mw2 #mw2 fanfic #simon riley x reader #simon riley #ghost mw2 #ghost mw2 x reader #call of duty

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ateez-himari · 2 months

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J-Hope : On The Street Album

A particular feature send K-Netizens into discourse about its merit.

February 28, 2024 (11:25AM)

On February 27th at midnight KTS, J-Hope's highlight medley for the upcoming release 'On The Street' was revealed, totaling to 6 tracks with 9 featured artists. Two of these collaborations proved to be highly unexpected by netizens; LE SSERAFIM's Huh Yunjin on 'I Don't Know' and ATEEZ's Min Himari on 'I wonder...' ft Jungkook.

Production credits also show that the latter has participated in the making of all tracks, and while she has proven herself to be one of 4th generation's most talented artists, many claimed that this opportunity was solely due to her family ties with the rapper's bandmate, Suga. This caused HYBE to relay a response to these allegations from J-Hope;

'While it is true that I have known her for around a decade, the same could be said for some of these other artists. Throughout the years I have been able to observe her growth and wanted to bring her unique skillset to this album. It was a pleasure to go through this creative journey with her by my side and I hope that everyone will enjoy what we have made.'

Taking a rapid look at the younger idol's career would prove that he is not the only one who believes in her potential as in just 5 years she has accumulated more than 160 KOMCA credits, some being from working with prominent figures in the industry. Taemin has even stated that after the release of 'Never Gonna Dance Again : Act 2' - which was their first time working together - Himari has been one of his go-to producers.

With the vocalist having such an impressive portfolio despite being only 22 years old it is clear that we can expect much more as ATEEZ continues to grow. The special album will be released on March 29, and the docuseries will have its first episode premiering on March 38 at midnight KTS.

#ateez au #ateez imagines #ateez 9th member #ateez extra member #ateez female member #himarinews♡

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kpop · 1 year

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K-Pop Spotlight: WEi

As they transition from an unfamiliar first love to experiencing new passions, WEi is taking their fans, affectionately dubbed RUi, along for the journey. This week, we’re highlighting WEi to celebrate their latest mini-album [Love Pt.2 : Passion]. We caught up with the six-member boy group to chat about love songs, their first two years making music together, and their ideal locations to visit on holiday. Check out our full interview below!

Tell us about your new mini-album [Love Pt.2: Passion] and what you hope fans take away from it.

YONGHA: We’ve been continuing our album journey with the Love series, and I believe it reflects the passion that we have, just like the album is named after. We hope fans can watch how WEi’s love develops throughout the series.

DONGHAN: We highly recommend that fans would pay attention to our sexy vibes through this album!

Which non-WEi songs would make up the soundtrack of your lives?

SEOKHWA: I believe I have that popping magnetism that would make everybody around me happy. That’s why I feel like “POP” by Nayeon would be the right soundtrack for me.

JUNSEO: For me, it’s anything “4” by LANY. The song tells how the singer could do anything for their loved ones, and I relate to that a lot when I think of my fans.

Your fifth mini-album explores different definitions and ways of experiencing love–what are some of the first love songs you remember loving?

SEOKHWA: I remember singing Pixie Lott’s “Mama Do” back then. I fell in love with the song after watching Lee Hi singing it on K-Pop Star.

DONGHAN: I fell in love with K-pop after being obsessed with “U” by Super Junior.

What’s your favorite genre that WEi has experimented with so far? Are there any genres you want to try in the future?

SEOKHWA: We did try a lot of different genres. Whether it was sexy, or hip-hop, I think we targeted genres that were more popular with the audience. I personally love “BYE BYE BYE” the most. Rather than being an experimental artist, I wish to be an artist that can color any type of genre into WEi’s style.

DONGHAN: I loved working with all WEi songs! If there were a genre I would like to try, that would be…something that can show the sexier side of WEi.

If you could go on a special holiday anywhere in the world, where would you go and who would you bring with you?

YONGHA: I’ve always wanted to go to Iceland. I would love to watch the northern lights and go camping with our members.

YOHAN: My holiday would be staying at home…with my family that I love the most.

Is there a moment that you’d consider the highlight of your career up to now?

SEOKHWA: There were a lot of moments…but two stand out the most. During our showcase for our 3rd mini-album, my parents came to see me, and I cried a lot. Even our staff and members were crying too. The second moment was during our first concert in Korea. It was unforgettable because the members and I shared the same feelings during that concert, starting from the entrance.

DAEHYEON: I remember the last night of our first concert when we were commenting on stage. We all cried for a long time. It was because of thinking back on all we have done to come this far, and the time it took to see our fans in real life finally.

This year marks your second anniversary together—which member would you each say you’re closest with, and has that changed since your debut?

YONGHA: I’ve never thought about this thoroughly because all of us have gotten along with each other since day one. We are always happy together. :)

DONGHAN: I have specific moments where I need peace, so I like to be with members who are quiet and chill (maybe not SEOKHWA, though, haha). All jokes aside, WEi, as a group, we have gotten along really well since our debut.

Want more of WEi? Check out their music video for “Spray” here.

#wei #kpop spotlight #wei kpop spotlight

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sweveniv · 4 months

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MAYOR ━━ h. ran. | chapter one. | masterlist.

“The only man I love is myself.” – Kurokawa Y/N.

October 17, 2018

New York City, USA.

I took a sip of my caramel macchiato and crossed my legs, feeling the soft fabric of my dress brush against my legs. I couldn't help but admire my reflection in the mirror in front of me. My hair was carefully styled into a sleek low ponytail, and my makeup was perfectly applied, highlighting my strong features.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and relaxing for just a moment before my makeup artist and hairdresser returned to fix any final details. We'd been shooting all day long, and I was starting to feel the fatigue of the long hours. This was the last set of the day, and I couldn't wait to be done.

As I glanced at the clock, I realized it was already 10 in the evening, and I hadn't eaten a meal since 1pm. I let out a heavy sigh and reached for my phone, which had been bombarded with messages from the Mayor of Roppongi for the hundredth time this week.

I shook my head and pondered whether I should reply to him or not. On one hand, not replying would be rude, but on the other hand, I didn't want to give him false hopes since I have no feelings for him. I put my phone down and tried to focus on the shoot, but I couldn't help but feel distracted by the Mayor's persistence.

The modeling world could be quite cut-throat, and one of the most sought-after models in New York City was me, Y/n Kurokawa.

My life had always been about career first, men second, and that was not going to change anytime soon. The Mayor of Minato city, Ran Haitani, was a well known figure in the industry, and many would tell me that I should give him a chance. They would say things like, "He's the Mayor of one of the most popular cities in Japan, and he's the son of one of the richest men in Japan, who wouldn't want to marry into that?" But I would never make the mistake of putting a man before my career, no matter how rich or powerful he was. I loved being a model, and I was not going to give up on my dreams and my happiness for the sake of a man.

I've already made that clear to Ran Haitani, and despite his repeated attempts to win me over, I refuse to bend. I will always love my career more than men, and I refuse to put myself in a position where I could be seen as a trophy or a prize to be won.

I'm perfectly content being the independent, successful, and highest paid model in New York, and I don't need a man to complete me. The only man I love is myself, and I refuse to compromise on that.

Everyone turns to stare at the sound of the knock, and they seem to be in awe of whoever might be behind it. They seem to be anticipating what might come next, knowing that the knock has specific implications.

"Ma'am Mr. Haitani delivered us food for dinner."

As the makeup artist spoke, my eyes widened in surprise. I let out a small chuckle, and the others in the room joined me as well, laughing together at the absurdity of it all.

The Mayor of Roppongi was known for his incredible wealth, and his ability to afford not only our meals, but countless other things as well, was truly impressive. It was as though money was no object for him, and the fact that he was willing to spend it so freely on us was nothing short of remarkable.

I took a moment to compose myself and replied, "I see... well, let us not let his generosity go to waste. Everyone, let us indulge in this meal and enjoy it to the fullest." The makeup artist nodded her head and began to serve the food, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratefulness towards the Mayor.

In a world where wealth and power often seemed to be synonymous with coldness and cruelty, it was refreshing to see someone so openly kind and generous. I could see the smiles on the faces of my colleagues as well, and knew that we were all thinking the same thing.

My phone rang, and I immediately picked it up, recognizing Ran's voice on the other end.

"Have you eaten yet?" Ran asked as I heard him drink his whiskey. I could hear the ice cubes clinking in the background as he spoke.

"I'll just pack whatever's left on the table and eat at the hotel since I lost my appetite to eat right now," I replied. Ran's voice was low and husky, and I could hear the slight slur in his words. I couldn't help but think about my busy schedule for the following day. I had a packed schedule of appointments, and I needed to make sure I was well-prepared for each one.

"I appreciate the dinner by the way," I said. casually.

As I leaned back in my chair, I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes. The day had been long and tiring, with meeting after meeting and project after project. My body was starting to feel the strain, and all I wanted to do was escape to the hotel and collapse into the soft, warm embrace of my bed.

I pictured myself in a silky sheet laying without thinking my schedules and work.

I had a early morning flight back to Japan the next day, and I knew that I needed to get some rest if I was going to make it. The thought of climbing into bed and letting go of the day's stresses was almost too inviting to ignore.

I pictured myself sinking into the soft sheets, the pillows cradling my head as I drifted off to sleep. The comfort of the bed would wash away the tired feeling in my muscles, allowing me to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the challenges of the day.

"What time is your flight tomorrow?" he asked.

"10 in the morning," I said, tucking my hair behind my ear. I signaled to my assistant, requesting them to place the container of leftovers on the table into a plastic bag. 'Whatever's left on the table must be eaten.' That's what my brother used to say when I was a kid.

After 15 minutes of conversation with the mayor, I finally placed my phone back on the small desk and stood up to pack some of my important belongings, ready to head back to the hotel. My exhaustion was apparent, and I was eager to rest and relax at the hotel.

"Hiroshi, could you please grab my belongings so we can depart for the hotel?" I said politely to my long-time driver.

Hiroshi has been my confidant since I was little, as my mother entrusted me to his care. Hiroshi had promised to protect me at all costs, even if it meant laying down his life for mine, but I wasn't about to let that happen. Hiroshi has served as a father figure for me over the years, attending all school performances, family days, holidays, and special events. He means more to me than my own parents, and I can't bear the thought of losing him - he's like a parent to me.

Hiroshi nodded curtly and collected my belongings, placing them gently in the corner. Together, we left the company building and walked outside into the fresh air. Soon after, I heard the familiar sound of him chuckling at my side.

"Looks like Mr. Haitani is still pining for you, despite being rejected numerous times." The thought of Ran constantly reaching out to Hiroshi for assistance to talk to me made my heart flutter, and I couldn't hold back a smile.

"That man doesn't know how to give up, doesn't he?" I said as I looked at the surroundings.

"He's nothing if not persistent," Hiroshi said with a chuckle. "But you know he cares deeply for you, as do I. He's just not always the greatest at expressing it."

As I looked around, taking in the sights and sounds of the city at night, I reflected on the complex nature of Ran's feelings for me. Despite his awkward attempts at courting me, I could sense the sincerity behind his actions, the warmth of his affection.

I turned to Hiroshi with a wry smile. "That's what makes him such a unique character, I suppose."

After a long day at work, I couldn't wait to retreat to the sanctuary of my hotel room. The moment I entered, I slipped off my high heels and laid them on the floor, before removing my blazer and hanging it up. I then sauntered to the bathroom and got to work on treating myself to a relaxing bath.

I filled the tub with warm water and carefully dropped a beautiful Sakura bath bomb into it, stirring the water with my hand to activate the colors and fragrance of the flower. I then climbed into the tub, laying my back against the soft, cushioned surface.

The scent of cherry blossoms and the feeling of the warm water against my skin was nothing short of heavenly. I closed my eyes and gave in to the sensation, letting the stress of the day wash away. For this moment, I was completely at peace.

As I laid in the tub, the warm water surrounding me like a soothing embrace, my thoughts began to wander. Tomorrow was a busy day, with a long flight to catch and a birthday celebration to attend. Izana, my second oldest brother, had insisted that I attend the party, as it was a family gathering. I had agreed casually, knowing that Izana would not take "no" for an answer.

I reflected on the various people I would see at the party, wondering what it would be like to catch up with my extended family after so much time had passed. I also considered the logistics of the trip, wondering how early I needed to wake up in order to make my flight.

Despite these concerns, I felt deeply content in the moment, my muscles relaxing under the water. The scent of the Sakura bath bomb filled my nostrils, and the sound of the water lapping around me lulled me into a state of calm. I resolved to savor this moment of relaxation, knowing that the upcoming week held many challenges and responsibilities.

The sound of my alarm clock pulled me from my slumber like a siren's song, and my body immediately sprung to action. I stretched my arms high above my head and released the tension from the night's sleep, feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day.

But as I opened my eyes, I noticed something amiss. A familiar scent, one that I knew too well, lingered in the air. It was a scent that I could never mistake, one that immediately made my pulse race.

I looked around the room, searching for the source of the scent, and a warm, familiar, and comforting feeling washed over me.

"Izana's here," I whispered to myself.

As the realization of Izana's presence sunk in, I couldn't help but feel a sense of confusion and exasperation. Why would my brother, who often seemed stricter and less understanding than my other siblings, come to visit me so early in the morning? Surely there must be some reason, some business that required his immediate attention.

Or was it simply that I was the youngest and he felt it was his right to keep an eye on me? That was the reason Izana usually gave, but it was one that I had always found annoying. I was a grown woman, perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and I didn't need my brother breathing down my neck all the time.

Still, I knew better than to argue with him. Izana was always adamant about getting his way, and there was no telling him no. With a deep sigh, I got out of bed, determined to get whatever it was over and done with as quickly as possible.

Izana placed his phone on the table as he looked at me, his lavender eyes conveying a sad expression. "Oh look, the brat's awake," he said, his tone disdainful. Even though the words were harsh, his voice was almost melodic, and the sound of it in the still air was like the sound of a soft, gentle rain. The silence in the room seemed to stretch on, and I could feel the weight of his stare on me.

The intensity of his eyes, locked on me, made me feel as if I were a caged animal being watched, and I found myself wanting to squirm under his gaze. "I came here to buy gifts for Emma's baby," he said with a sharp tone, "and I decided to pick you up since you said you're going home today." His words were filled with something I couldn't quite place, a mixture of anger and indifference that made me uneasy.

"And I brought a homemade breakfast made by Shinichiro," he added, his tone now more relaxed. I felt a smile creeping up my face at the mention of my big brother's cooking, and I quickly hopped down from the bed, eager to try what he had prepared.

As I entered the kitchen area, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled my nostrils, and I felt my mouth watering. On the counter, a plate of homemade waffles and bacon was set, and I found myself feeling a sense of comfort and familiarity as I dug in.

The waffles were golden and crispy, and the bacon was perfectly cooked, crispy on the outside and still chewy on the inside. The sweet taste of maple syrup on the waffles combined with the salty flavor of the bacon to create a delicious combination, and I found myself savoring every bite.

As I ate, Izana sat across from me, his expression unreadable. It was as if he was in his own world, his thoughts elsewhere, and I found myself wondering what was going on in his head.

Our silence was punctuated by the occasional sounds of silverware on plates and drinks being poured, but it felt like there was an unspoken tension in the air that neither one of us wanted to address. It was as if we both knew there was something that needed to be said, but neither of us was willing to be the first one to bring it up.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Izana spoke, his voice low and almost soothing. "I want to apologize for yesterday," he said, his tone laced with emotions that I couldn't quite place.

"I know I shouldn't have said what I did, and I regret it. I'm sorry." His words seemed to hang in the air for a moment.

"I was just shocked when people from social media kept posting your image with your ex-boyfriend at the Barcelona City..." Izana exclaimed while taking a sip of my coffee.

The moment he spoke, I felt a shiver run down my spine. A feeling of unease settled deep in my stomach as I wondered what Izana was going to say next.

Izana leaned forward, as if he were going to whisper something in my ear. But he didn't. Instead, he spoke in a tone that seemed to carry a hidden meaning. "Let's just say I have my ways." He leaned back and took another sip of his coffee, leaving me to wonder what he really knew.

"You need to be careful with things like that," Izana continued, his voice almost sounding worried. "People these days are always looking for something to gossip about. They'll jump on anything they can get their hands on."

I knew he was right, of course. But I couldn't stop myself from going into denial. "I'm not doing anything wrong," I said, my voice sounding more defensive than I meant it to. "I'm just living my life."

Izana shook his head, a look of sadness in his eyes. "You don't realize how much this can impact your future," he said. But before he could say anything else, a loud beeping sound filled the room, followed by a sharp hissing noise as the stove turned itself off with a click.

"Looks like your meal is ready," Izana said with a smile. He reached inside the oven and pulled out a tray, the scent of delicious food filling the air as he placed it on the table.

I took a deep breath, my appetite suddenly returning in full force. "What did you make?" I asked, my voice sounding genuinely grateful.

"Shinichiro's signature pasta dish," Izana said with a smile. "I know it's your favorite."

I grinned, already reaching for the dish. "Thank you," I said, my voice sounding genuinely grateful. "Thank you for picking me up, and for the breakfast."

"Oh and by the way, Y/N, why was Ran's polo in your penthouse?" Izana asked, clearly suspicious. As soon as the words left his mouth, my heart sank and my eyes widened, as if I had just seen a ghost. I had to keep my cool, act like everything was normal.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied, my voice shaking slightly. I had to stay calm and act innocent, no matter how hard it was. Izana gave me a pointed look, clearly not believing me.

"I've been doing some digging," he stated, his tone implying that he knew more than I did. "Apparently, you've been seeing Ran. And he has quite the reputation in this industry. I don't want you to throw away your career over some sleazebag."

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "I'm a grown adult, Izana," I answered, sounding more defensive than I meant to. "And I can make my own decisions."

Izana narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, studying me like he was trying to figure me out. "Just be careful," he warned. "This industry can be brutal."

I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. "I will," I promised.

Izana seemed to accept my answer, but the tension in the air remained. We finished our meal in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

thank you for reading! a heart and reblog will gladly be appreciated.

don't repost my work to any platform. thank you!

#ran haitani x reader #ran haitani #haitani rindou #haitani ran #haitani brothers #tokyo revengers smut #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers #haitani ran smut #ran haitani smut #tr smut #smut #fanfiction #fanfiction blog #novel #tokyo revengers fanfiction

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thesimscurator · 2 years

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Career World: Save File

Tired of trying to squeeze a whole giant photo studio into your fashion photographer’s cramped city apartment? Frustrated that your astronaut needs a house with a yard big enough to hold—of all the absurd things—a private rocket ship? Bored of the career options in game? Then you need Career World.

Career World is a pack-integrated, detail-oriented save file meant to maximize the gameplay potential of the Sims 4. It does this primarily by creating realistic, vibrant community spaces for your sims to play out their career ambitions. Key features include:

An expanded number of community lots with tons of stuff to do and see—plus lots of good-looking residences created by the insanely talented creators on the gallery.

More interactive stuff in the open portions of worlds, including toddler play equipment everywhere there is child play equipment by default.

Ready-to-play: there is at least one pre-made sim in every career, at least one pre-made sim pursuing every aspiration, and at least one owned version of every type of ownable business (retail, restaurant, vet, rental residential), so you can just hop in and play any ambition you want without doing a ton of tedious setup.

Local flavor: different worlds are set up to have their own advantages, drawbacks, cultures, laws (N.A.P.s that make sense!), and featured career opportunities.

Gameplay variety: whether you prefer to play with families or singletons, elaborate mansions or run-down hovels, rags-to-riches or pre-made jillionaire celebrities, this save file has assets that cater to many different gameplay styles.

Sensible setup: Libraries actually have books in them! Lot landscaping matches the world it’s in. The EA townies in this save file already lead cohesive lives, complete with jobs, living spaces, preferences, pronouns, lifestyles, outfits, club memberships, pets, relationships with others, and cultural knowledge. And lots of other things that . . . you know . . . make sense.

If that all piques your interest, keep reading for specifics of the save file. Upcoming posts will give the full creator credits and detail the Career Challenges I have created to guide you in getting the most out of playing it.

SPECIFICS (totally optional reading; feel free to skip down to "REQUIREMENTS" if you're not interested):

World Setup & Traits:

Each world in this save file has been set up to highlight and create featured gameplay opportunities for specific careers. Some of these are obvious and in line with what Maxis already did, like actors in Del Sol Valley, conservationists in Sulani, etc. but some are additions/decisions I've made, like lawyers in Uptown San Myshuno or Engineers in Oasis Springs. And some careers are distributed across several worlds, depending on the flavor you want to play (Hip-Hop musicians, for example, have their own spaces to spin records and remix beats in Willow Creek, while a pipe organist will find their concert venues among the many historic churches of Windenburg). A full list of location/career pairings can be found in the Career Chart detailed in the next post.

The gameplay opportunities largely consist of community lots set up to mimic active workplaces, so that sims in "work from home" careers can actually do those tasks in a workplace setting, often with clubs of co-workers who will show up and do workplace tasks. But there's also opportunities for sims in regular careers: once your artist, musician, or chef reaches at least two stars' worth of fame, for example, they can be an artist-in-residence in San Myshuno's Arts Quarter, where they will find a totally sweet rental penthouse tricked out with equipment for every kind of art (including culinary) plus have special spaces to show their work or perform in the nearby 1,000 Words Art Gallery. Read through my lot descriptions for more opportunities like these!

To enhance the specificity of the worlds in this setup, some of the smaller worlds are treated as parts of others in terms of design choices:

Glimmerbrook is now the secluded back side of Mt. Komorebi, where the big, old, traditional-style houses can be found. (The spellcaster population has relocated to Willow Creek, where the culture has a healthy respect for—and deep fascination with—the occault.)

Forgotten Hollow is a hidden—some might even say, “forgotten”—part of Windenburg.

Moonwood Mill is yet another defunct industry in the mountains above Evergreen Harbor (there was a road down the other side of the mountain to San Myshuno, but it's been closed for years).

Magnolia Promenade is an island in the midst of the Willow Creek bayou. Also, Newcrest is simply a newer development extension of Willow Creek. (Because come on, of course it is. They have all the same vegetation and the fancy neighborhoods share the exact same streetcar system.)

San Sequoia is the suburb on the outskirts of San Myshuno, with it's one-and-only subway station in Anchorpoint Wharf providing easy and fast transit into the city.

Hidden workplaces are part of the world they obviously belong to by their scenery: Hospital and Police Station to Willow Creek/Magnolia Promenade/Newcrest, Science Lab to Oasis Springs, and Movie Lot to Del Sol Valley.

I have unofficially introduced “world traits/challenges” and “neighborhood traits/challenges” into this save file. There is no explicit in-game system for assigning traits or challenges to entire worlds/neighborhoods, but certain lot traits make more sense when blanketing an entire world or neighborhood, particularly the ones that relate to natural disasters or the environment. So, you will find some worlds in which every single lot has a copy of a certain trait or challenge, making that trait a “world trait/challenge.” The world traits/challenges are as follows:

Willow Creek/Magnolia Promenade/Newcrest = “Gremlins” (I have found that this challenge best mimics the effects of occasional hurricanes. All your stuff breaks and floods your house with water. Can be counteracted somewhat by adding “Gnomes” trait.)

Oasis Springs = “Sunny Aspect”

Del Sol Valley = “Quake Zone”

Sulani = “Volcanic Activity”

Mt. Komorebi/Glimmerbrook = “Geothermal”

Henford-on-Bagley = “Wild Foxes”

Selvadorada = “Grody” (that is, if you drink from the pipes; Moctezuma’s revenge may be avoided by drinking natural spring water instead)

Tartosa = “Romantic Aura” (not a natural trait, but Tartosa has been so thoroughly marketed as a wedding destination that this affects the way sims see it).

Copperdale = "Teen Neighborhood"

San Sequoia = "Child's Play" almost everywhere, except for a couple of more adult-focused lots where that didn't make sense.

Chestnut Ridge = "Wild Prairie Grass"

Tomarang = "Mold"

Evergreen Harbor has a world challenge that I envision being changed into a world trait. Every lot starts with “Grody” because of groundwater contamination. As neighborhoods enact the “Green Initiatives” neighborhood action plan, I suggest removing this trait from all the lots in the neighborhood and replacing it with “Natural Well.” Plants are great at filtering water before it reaches the aquifer!

Specific neighborhood traits/challenges are as follows:

The Grimm’s Quarry neighborhood of Evergreen Harbor is a smaller, localized “Quake Zone” due to the ground instability introduced by years of mining.

The Crumbling Isle in Windenburg has localized “geothermal”—and lots of hotsprings!

Belomisia Jungle in Selvadorada has “Creepy Crawlies” on every lot.

The University of Britechester campus is rumored to be haunted, so every building (including the old library in Gibbs Hill) has the “Spooky” lot challenge. Hey, even if it’s not true, the rumors would freak you out a bit, right?

Every building on the Foxbury campus in Britechester was built using green architectural practices (“Eco Lot”) and has “Fast Internet.”

There is no grid in the Bramblewood in Henford-on-Bagley, so all houses in this neighborhood are “Off the Grid.”

Hopewell Hills in San Sequoia has updated it's internet service to "Fast Internet" for the many telecommuters who live in that suburb.

Riders' Glen in Chestnut Ridge is known for having particularly "Great Soil" for growing nectar.

There are "Wild Foxes" up in the mountainous mesas of Galloping Gulch in Chestnut Ridge.

There are lots of street cats in the Morensong neighborhood of Tomarang, so all its lots are "Cat Hangout"s.

People go to the Koh Sahpa neighborhood in Tomarang for some "Peace and Quiet."

All obviously maritime neighborhoods outside of Sulani and Tomarang (which have very calm oceans and are therefore probably behind windbreaks) have “Bracing Breezes” as a neighborhood trait due to wind off the sea. These neighborhoods include Port Promise in Evergreen Harbor, Porto Luminoso in Tartosa, The Crumbling Isle and Lykke Centre in Windenburg, Anchorpoint Wharf in San Sequoia, and nearly every neighborhood in Brindleton Bay except for Sable Square.

Certain entire neighborhoods have the “Good Schools” trait, because this does not make sense as a thing affecting only one household. Neighborhoods with good schools include The Pinnacles in Del Sol Valley, Ridgeline Drive in Newcrest, the Spice Market in San Myshuno, Gibbs Hill in Britechester, Senbamachi in Mt. Komorebi, Prescott Square in Copperdale, and Hopewell Hills in San Sequoia.

This isn't exactly a trait, but I've had a sim go around and give maximum upgrades to every single appliance in the Wakaba neighborhood of Mt. Komorebi, so the tech works really well there.

I've also done quite a bit with the Neighborhood Action Plan system from Eco Lifestyle. When you first start the game, you will find that max neighborhood action plans are already in effect in all occupied neighborhoods. I have carefully selected many of the current N.A.P.s by local area; all desert neighborhoods, for example, have water conservation policies (except for the wasteful, privileged celebrities who occupy The Pinnacles). If you would like to change the current N.A.P.s you're welcome to, but be aware that changes may have unintentional consequences on your neighbors (removing “Free Love” from Strangerville neighborhoods, for example, will destabilize the Eclectic Arts Household, who are presently a throuple).

You’ll notice that in some cases, neighborhoods have more specific identities than they had in the vanilla game: the three neighborhoods / three islands of Sulani, for example, are now the tourist island (Lani St. Taz), the island where the locals live (Ohan’ali Town), and the national park/nature preserve (Mua Pel’am). In most cases, this was just a matter of leaning in to the identities that were roughly—but not fully—established by the game designers. In others, I have reassigned neighborhood identities specifically in service of the careers theme: Mirage Canyon in Oasis Springs, for example, is now the “FutureSim campus,” modeled after the work/living/recreation “campuses” of real-life tech conglomerates like Google or Microsoft. Plus, FutureSim is now not just the company that employs scientists, but the parent company of Rainy Day Entertainment (the tech guru employer) and Obscure Logistics (the engineering employer). I have created a number of such employment clusters, where sims in related professions are now in some kind of conglomerate (all the writing professions in subsidies of Walrus Books, all regulatory and civic jobs under the municipal government of San Myshuno, etc.). Look for them in the club descriptions/lot descriptions!

Lots:

Every single lot—including hidden lots—in this save file has been changed, except the rare ones that are genuinely impossible to change like the movie studio, the redacted lab in Strangerville, and the temple in Selvadorada. So have fun exploring!

Since expanding the number of community lots was a big part of the theme of this save file, In some worlds you may not find many empty houses for you to move your own sims into. In any case where I have completely filled the residential lots in a world, I have made sure to leave at least one of them as a rental residential with some open units for you to move into. In the case of larger worlds where too many community lots wasn't an issue, I have tried to consolidate townies and leave many houses empty, so you have lots of options. The empty houses/units have traits and locations that make them particularly suited to certain careers, so read the descriptions and do a bit of shopping around to find the perfect one for your sim’s ambitions.

Some special notes concerning the four-in-one lots, a.k.a. the variable lots of the type(s) that came with Eco Lifestyle: several of the variable lots either don't actually have varieties or have been set up for specific gameplay variations:

Changing San Myshuno City Hall to a marketplace will decorate all the offices for Winterfest and cause a kind of craft/gift fair to be held on the top floor. For obvious reasons, I encourage doing this during Winter and changing it to something else during the other seasons. Changing it to a community garden will add greenspace to the top floor. Changing it to a makerspace will add a daycare center on the top floor—handy if you’re playing a family sim and want to bring your kids to work. Each of the four variations also changes the décor in the top-floor event space, so if you’re hosting a charity benefit party or wedding reception or something you may want to flip through in build mode and change the lot type to whichever one jives best with your event.

Changing the Science & Tech Centre on the Foxbury campus to a marketplace will cause the “freshman fair” to appear on the ground floor and spawn signage outside. This is just a regular marketplace, but I like to pretend it’s one of those start-of-year events where all the on-campus clubs advertise to the incoming students. I recommend doing this for one week in Fall, then changing it to something else. All of the other venue types for this lot are identical; all that will be affected is what the NPC sims do on this lot (makerspace will have them using the fabrication lab, community garden will have them gardening in the biology greenhouse, and community space will make the place basically empty of NPCs).

The Old New Henford Fair is a seasonal festival lot: marketplace=Winter, makerspace=Spring, community space=Summer, and community garden=Fall. Just vote during the weekend the season changes to keep this up-to-date. Unfortunately, the programming on the community space lot type means NPCs will not visit the festival in the summer, so I have set up some clubs for Henford-on-Bagley residents that meet at the festival grounds in the hopes that you’ll find the locals there when you visit the fair.

Zosul Taman in Tomarang actually works as intended for these four-in-ones: you can change it to an actual community garden, marketplace, makerspace, or community space, and each one features a completely unique lot by a different creator. (Hint: if you're looking for a wedding venue or playable temple, you want "community space.")

All of the other four-in-one lots (San Rio Park & Mercado, Steampunk Gardening, the Maker’s Market, The Munchkin Menagerie, etc.) are not really meant to change; they are only four-in-ones by coincidence, since the lot type I wanted it to be happened to be bundled into the community space thing. I do not recommend changing them, or they will not function as intended.

And finally, a special note on the high school auditorium in Copperdale: since having the same prom week after week gets boring, I have created several seasonal and holiday-specific variations on the formal dance and uploaded them to the gallery under the hashtag #careerworld. All you have to do to get them is enter build mode in the auditorium sometime before 7pm on Saturday, select the "Formal Dance" tab, and download your desired prom for the upcoming week from the selections on the gallery. Your next prom will now have a new decor theme!

Sims:

I have kept all of EA’s original townies (and supplemented with a few new sims on a very limited basis), but moved them around to worlds that particularly feature their careers, and in some cases given them new careers that make sense (Marcus Flex, for example, is no longer unemployed but rather a Personal Trainer living in Del Sol Valley). This has meant doing some reshuffling of households, so you may see EA townies living in combinations you don’t expect; in each case, I have rewritten the household blurbs to explain the new situation. Townies now also belong to a multitude of clubs I have set up specifically for this save file, often career-related so your sim's co-workers will show up where and when they should to make all the community lot workspaces feel vibrant.

The way that EA set things up, there were several townies with the same career and some careers with no townies (all the Discover University professions, for example), so in some cases I have added new sims and/or switched townies' careers—again, in ways that make sense—so you will have at least one sim in each profession that you can just hop into game and play with. Households have been renamed so you can see which jobs you would be playing with if you chose to play them (except in cases where there were too many adults to specify in the household name; then you’ll need to read the description to find out).

I have made some non-career-related alterations to the townies, as well, because this save file is all about detail, depth, and realism. Sims’ cultural backgrounds are now reflected in their knowledge, skills, traits, and some outfits (Examples: Moroccan sims will know City Living recipes from the Moroccan food stall, all Latinx sims now have some measure of Selvadoradian Culture skill, inhabitants of Mt. Komorebi and Tomarang have utensil preferences for various kinds of chopsticks, formal outfits for Indian sims draw on the clothes introduced in the Fashion Street kit, etc. Plus, all townies speak the proper languages if you use Frankk's Language Barriers mod.). Reasonable preferences have been set for all townies who were made before the Dream Home Decorator update (and enhanced every time new preferences are released, as with Growing Together), and appropriate hot- and cold- weather outfits for all the ones made before Seasons came out. Households outside of Brindleton Bay have pets. People who have backstories of being exes are now actually exes, and the same with current romantic interests, best friends, etc. (plus I added a few of my own: how will the Izzy Fabulous love triangle resolve?). I have also moved previously unhoused townies into appropriate living situations (swanky apartment, Brytani Cho!), and included at least one playable sim for every type of occult.

Currently, all households with teens are marked as “played.” This is basically to prevent the game from messing up teen careers by resetting existing teens as high school-specific NPCs. Most other pre-made households are categorized as "other," but with neighborhood stories disabled so that they will stay in the jobs--and career co-worker clubs--I have set for them. Neighborhood stories is still enabled for random spawns.

REQUIREMENTS:

Packs:

As you might have guessed from “pack-integrated,” this save file requires nearly every pack in order to show up properly—but not quite all. It’ll be a cold day in Hell before I buy Journey to Batuu.

Specs:

Unlike the sims team, who create sparse builds so the game will run effectively on every machine, I have stuffed the save file with elaborate builds by multiple creators that take full advantage of The Sims 4’s potential as a creative tool. Thus, you will need a decent gaming system to run it effectively. I don’t know what specific specs it requires (or have any inkling of how to figure that out), so if you have a mid- to high-end machine just try it out and see if it works. If you’re trying to play on a cheap laptop, you’re probably better off with the default game.

Custom Content:

This save file is almost CC free. The ONLY mod you need in order for the save file to show up properly is Zerbu’s More Selectable Icons mod, and even then the only consequence of not downloading it is that all the clubs and some holidays will have the placeholder llamacorn for an icon. So it would be very easy to play this completely CC free if you wish. There are a few more mods that I recommend (see below), but they are not even remotely required for the save file to run.

Because so much of what makes this save file special is centered around community lots, it may not be ideal for all simmers. If you are one of those people who is allergic to loading screens, this is probably not the save file for you.

If none of that scares you off and you’re ready to play, read on for the installation instructions!

INSTALLATION INSTRUCTIONS:

Step 1: Download whichever mods you plan to employ in the save file (if you don’t want to use any mods, skip straight to Step 3):

Required Mod:

Zerbu: More Selectable Icons

Recommended Mods (if you want all the stuff I’ve put on community lots to stay):

Astrelan: Fizz No Spoil

Simularity: No More Wilting Flower Arrangements

Supported Mods (totally optional stuff the save file is set up to do right):

Aramiteus: High School More Classmates

Frankk: Language Barriers (AN IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT USING THIS MOD: If you want to use Language Barriers with my carefully-managed selections, you MUST install the mod BEFORE OPENING THE SAVE FILE. Opening the save file without Frankk’s mod installed (or without script mods enabled—check your box!) wipes all language data from the game. If you decide to install the mod later, it will reassign all languages according to Frankk’s rules, which do not correspond accurately to the way this save file is set up or to many sim’s backstories.)

Step 2: Once you have downloaded your desired mods, you’ll need to unzip them. For this, you’ll need a program like WinZip or PeaZip. To get this program, download it from the website, then run the resulting .exe file by double-clicking it in your downloads folder (or, at least, this is what you do if you have a PC. I have no idea how any of this works on a Mac, sorry! I'm sure tutorials are available elsewhere online).

Now that you have an unzipping program, right-click on your downloaded mods and select “extract.” You can either extract them directly to your mods folder (MyDocuments/Electronic Arts/The Sims 4/Mods) or chose “extract here” to unzip the files, then copy-and-paste them into your mods folder. Either way, the unzipped files need to wind up in your mods folder.

Step 3: Backup your existing saves. To do this, go into MyDocuments/Electronic Arts/The Sims 4 and right-click on the folder titled “saves.” Select “copy,” then paste the folder to any other location on your computer. I usually just copy it to the desktop so I don’t lose it, but you may have an alternative hard drive or other location where you like to back up your saves.

Step 4: Download and unzip the Career World save file, but DO NOT PUT IT IN YOUR MODS FOLDER! Put it in the saves folder instead (MyDocuments/Electronic Arts/The Sims 4/saves). If the number of the save file matches the number for a save you already have in game, change it to any number you do not already have a copy of, but keep the same number of digits. To get more specific: by default the Career World file name is “Slot_08252028.save” and if you happen to have another save file with that exact same file name (unlikely), the game will overwrite one with the other. If that’s true for you, you can change the file name on Career World to “Slot_09252028.save” or “Slot_08252027.save” or anything else that replaces a digit with a different digit, but you cannot change it to “Slot_1.save” because the game needs a total of eight digits in the file name to run the save properly.

Step 5: Open your game, click the save file titled “Career World,” and start playing!

Good luck, have fun!

01/15/24 Quick Note: The Sims 4 currently has some game instability that seems to be related to the For Rent pack, so I have two available downloads for you, a pre-For Rent version and a post-For Rent version (updated on 04/15/24 to add Crystal Creations and institute some data-saving measures to stabilize the game—see my post on the "Performance Update" for details). Take your pick on the basis of whether or not you have that pack and/or feel comfortable playing with its features.

DOWNLOAD NOW:

Career World save file WITHOUT For Rent

Career World save file WITH For Rent

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cartermagazine · 11 months

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Today In History

MC, Singer-songwriter, producer and actress Lauryn Noelle Hill was born in East Orange, New Jersey, on May 26, 1975.

Lauryn soared onto the music scene as part of the hip-hop trio The Fugees before launching her solo career with the Grammy-winning album ‘The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill.’

She is regarded as one of music’s artistic geniuses. The Score (1996) featuring the hit single “Killing Me Softly,” which highlighted Hill’s bold and soulful vocals, the album sold 17 million copies, making the Fugees the highest-selling rap group of all time — and garnered two Grammy awards for best rap album and best R&B performance by a duo or group.

Hill’s first solo effort, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (1998), established her as a headline talent in her own right. The album, recorded in Jamaica, has sold more than 19 million copies worldwide since 2009 and earned the singer-songwriter five Grammys, three American Music Awards, a Billboard Award, a Soul Train Award and an MTV Music Award. It combined soul with hip hop and splashes of reggae, showing a musical lightness of touch that belied some of the deeper, personal issues the lyrics delved into.

“It's funny how money change a situation… Miscommunication leads to complication… My emancipation don't fit your equation… I was on the humble, you - on every station… Some wan' play young Lauryn like she dumb… But remember not a game new under the sun… Everything you did has already been done… I know all the tricks from Bricks to Kingston… My ting done made your kingdom wan' run… Now understand L. Boogie's non violent… But if a thing test me, run for mi gun… Can't take a threat to mi newborn son… L's been this way since creation… A groupie call, you fall from temptation… Now you wanna ball over separation… Tarnish my image in your conversation… Who you gon' scrimmage, like you the champion… You might win some but you just lost one.” Lauryn Hill, ‘Lost Ones’

CARTER™️ Magazine carter-mag.com #wherehistoryandhiphopmeet #historyandhiphop365 #cartermagazine #carter #laurynhill #blackhistorymonth #blackhistory #history #staywoke

#carter magazine #carter #historyandhiphop365 #wherehistoryandhiphopmeet #history #cartermagazine #today in history #staywoke #blackhistory #blackhistorymonth

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just-simlish-things · 4 months

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Jaylan Heller - age: 21, career: Junior in college, Degree: Art. Personality: Creative, Cheerful, Artistic.

Bryson Lyman - age: 21, career: Junior in college, Degree: Business. Personality: Ambitious, Genius, Athletic.

Summer of 20xx - Location: Tartosa, 1 week before the start of Senior year.

Jaylan's POV:

This was the first time I traveled abroad without my family. I decided to spend my summer in Tartosa, soaking up the sun, exploring the culture, and getting inspiration for my senior thesis project. Painting has been my lifeline since I was a child, and thankfully, I was able to obtain a full ride scholarship to Foxbury University due to my hard work. The end of my vacation was coming to an end, and what better way to soak up the last of it than to go dancing in the early morning. The atmosphere was unusually perfect this morning. The calming waves, the sounds of the local wildlife were making, and the smooth jazz that was playing throughout the dance floor had me in a melodic trance. As I was getting caught up in the rhythm, I spotted someone I hadn't seen before. I know Tartosa is a big tourist destination, but it's a small place, so you would know if someone was new or not. I could tell he liked what he saw cause his eyes never left me. Before I knew it, we were locked in this staring contest, and I unknowingly became his personal dancer. I teasingly waved him over, and he approached me with a smirk and confidence. I can't lie. He had me blushing from it. As we danced, it felt like electricity surrounded us. It truly felt like we were the only ones in this bar. I guess that's chemistry for you. Neither of us said a word. We just followed each other like we've been dancing together for years. Eventually we got tired of dancing and decided to go explore the town together. He told me the basics, his name, major, and age. Hanging out with him was honestly the highlight of my trip. Too bad I had to leave the next day to move into my new place and prepare for the semester. As the day was coming to an end, we lay in the sand and talked about our futures. I told him I wanted to own a museum, and he said he was going into the family business of owning apartments. I guess the conversation became too serious, so he decided to lighten the mood by tickling me. I guess I was squirming too much cause he had to catch himself from falling on top of me. At that moment, we locked eyes. He was close enough to where I could make out his features. He had the shortest but most beautiful eyelashes and the smoothest skin I've ever seen on a man. His eyes were the prettiest green, and the sun made them shine ever so brightly. Time froze in that moment cause all I could think about was kissing him. I don't know if my thoughts were loud enough for him to hear because before I knew it, he was gently scooping me in his arms, and our lips finally met. They were perfect and soft. He kissed me with such gentleness and passion. I was swept away in his embrace, and I wish I could stay in it forever.

Bryson's POV:

Today was the last day of my "vacation". I know my parents mean well, but it wouldn't hurt to not talk about business 24/7. Thankfully they decided to sleep in today so leaving the house to get a drink wasn't too much of a hassle. I found a bar by the see that served alcohol early in the morning. I definitely needed something to help take the edge off. I headed upstairs to have a better view of the ocean and Tartosa in general. As I started to approach the top of the stairs, I could hear Jazz music playing and to my surprise, there was someone else up early as I am and dancing nonetheless. She was breathtaking. She had the most beautiful blonde hair that complimented her brown skin. The green see through cover up she had on suited her well...and I mean WELL. I know I shouldn't be staring at someone I don't know, but I can't get over how beautiful she looks dancing and enjoying herself. She had such a carefree presence about her and honestly, with how stressful this summer has been, I couldn't help but be drawn to that. We shared some intense eye contact and I felt like a weirdo but she seemed to like what she was seeing as well. She eventually waved me over and I can't like, I was giddy inside at the invitation. I made my way over to her and placed my hand on her hip and we swayed to music, continuing the eye contact we had before. The air around us was electric for sure. It was inviting. The more we danced, the more relaxed I became. After some time we decided to explore the town. We talked and exchanged basic information. We decided to go to the beach and build a sandcastle and just enjoy each others company. The more I got to spend time with her, the more I hated the fact that I had to leave tomorrow to prepare for school. I wish I had more time to spend with her cause meeting her in this short amount of time, was the best thing to happen on this trip. Some time goes by and we talk about our futures, but too be honest, thinking about post grad stressed me. That was the last thing I wanted to think about. So, to shift the conversation, I decided to tickle her. Her life was so full of life and contagious. I noticed that her two front teeth are a little more prominent than the rest and I didn't think I could be more smitten with her, but that was the icing on the cake. I guess I got distracted by my thoughts cause before I knew it, I was hovering over her, trying not to fall on top of her. We were close enough to where I could see how beautiful her light brown eyes shined in the sun. Her skin was perfect. And her lips...so tempting. I know I shouldn't because of....but in this moment, I didn't care. I gently scooped her in my arms and kissed her. Kissing her was everything I could've imagined. I wish this summer lasted a little longer, cause I want this moment to last forever.

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romaine2424 · 10 months

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Daily Blog June 27, 2023

Arg! I'd hoped to spend sometime planting the pretty flowers I bought yesterday but to my dismay I discovered an invasive weed was mixed in with my Shasta Daisies, which are just about to bloom. The kind of weed that attaches to your clothes and skin. Gloves came out and two hours later, I made a huge dent. Flowers tomorrow.

I had mentioned there were would be additional categories I'd throw into the mix and today I have one I've been anxious to get to. I'm going to call it Magical Elves. They are the people who help make fandom run. I mentioned @phoenixacid in an earlier post, who has been hosting @hd-fan-fair for ten years. This category will cover folks like her and that do even more...yes, even more...

What I'm reading:

On the Discord Drarry Fans Writers and Artists there is a channel for recs. I stole this one from there but then discovered I'd already read it. However, it was long enough ago that I don't remember all of the details. I think I read it when it first came out and before I hopped back into fandom in spring of 2021. The Ordeal of Being Known (146k) by @lou-isfake. I'm only on chapter 3 right now but I just love this Draco and his Oscar the Grouch house-slippers and his house-elf Timsy. The writing is so fresh and clever, I find myself smiling most of the time. Here's the summary, which I think gives you a flavor of the writing style I'm talking about:

When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions. It's obviously a terrible idea, a disaster waiting to happen, but Draco's never been able to back down from a challenge... especially from Potter. Features fuzzy cartoon slippers, devious house elves, 90s music, and lots—LOTS—of memories. Ron is annoyingly hot, Hermione sees right through you, Harry is a powerful idiot, and Draco is a reclusive masochist that would buy an entire city if it would make a kid happy. (And Pansy is "5'2, I wanna dance with you, and I'm sophisticated fun.")

Go read The Ordeal of Being Known on AO3.

Hit the Keep Reading!!!!!

Magical Elves:

The first person I want to highlight in this category is actually someone I've met in person at HP Cons and we've stayed in touch over the years in real life. *hugs darlin* You've probably seen @sassy-cissa's name as an author or maybe an email asking you about a fic for a fest but I'm betting most of you have no idea how much she's done for fandom for more than a decade and half, especially for Drarry fandom.

Let me list the ways in how awesome she is:

Current modding responsibilities:

25 Days of Draco and Harry (started in 2009) What 2009 ? Oh my! And do you know she reads each and every story posted for the fest and comments, too! HD Mpreg Fest – (started in 2011 – I've been modding since 2018) HD Fan Fair/Career Fair – co-modding since 2019)

Previous modding responsibilities:

Co-mod for H/D Erised from 2014 to 2018 Moderated the H/D Prophet from about 2016 to 2021

See that last one H/D Prophet. Take a look at the link just for a moment. Every Drarry WIP that was updated that week was listed, fests' status, drabble prompts, etc...Every single week. The prophet soon closed down after a few more months due to lack of participation (fandom had moved away from LJ).

Communities owned and/or Maintain:

On LJ: Slythindor100 and HarryDraco Mpreg On Tumblr: H/D Mpreg and Slythindor100

In addition, why yes there is more, Sassy writes, too, and beautifully! Sassy-Cissa (on AO3). Over 109 stories, mostly Drarry, some Hermione/Severus and a few Harry/Ginny...but as she put it....(but they usually end up divorced or Ginny dies). *snicker*

And she's on FanLore! And she also betas for some of the best.

So I know this is long but I just want folks to be aware of those working in the background, making our experience here in fandom enjoyable and filled with lovely content. They truly are magical elves. Sassy doesn't post much on Tumblr or on Discord but she does pop-in now and then. Next time you see her name, you'll now know who she is.

Tumblr Tidbit:

Did you know that you can edit the text below the Keep Reading line on your post and it will make the changes to all reblogs of your post. Edit above and sorry the reblogs will show the original. This comes in handy if you're making a Masterlist of works or something else that has lots of links or needs to be updated frequently.

Happy Tuesday and Sorry this was so late. My ancient computer decided to crash multiple times. Rom

#romaine2424 daily blog #June 2023 #Magical Elves

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endlich-allein · 1 year

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Article from ad.nl // Translation by Till Lindemann Belgium

Sharon Kovacs records a duet with Rammstein frontman Till Lindemann: 'He just went shopping with me and to the hairdresser'

For her new album, Dutch singer Sharon Kovacs collaborated with none other than Till Lindemann. A striking combination, which ensures a close friendship. “Suddenly I had a kind of personal assistant.”

Sharon Kovacs (32) does not look back on a carefree childhood. As a child she experiences unrest and tension and is placed in various foster homes and boarding schools by youth care. "To pass the time, I used the few hours in which I had access to music to sing my feelings off," she says. She continues to make music and is discovered by chance in 2014.

She releases an EP and is named 3FM Serious Talent. She is in the line-up of festivals, including Lowlands and North Sea Jazz and achieved a number 1 hit in Greece with the album My Love. The large fur hat she wears during performances earns her the nickname 'Wolflady'.

Kovacs has now released her third album, Child of sin.

A duet with Till Lindemann (60), best known as the singer and lyricist of the German band Rammstein, and it's the "the highlight" of the album.

How did the collaboration come about?

Sharon: "While writing the song I immediately thought of Till, I didn't want to just sing the song," she says.

Via via she got contact information. She decided to take the plunge and send Lindemann a message.

,,After two weeks I received an app with 'Hey, Till here, I wanna work with you'. I couldn't believe my eyes."

In no time, the two were on the phone with each other and not much later they met in his apartment in Berlin.

"It should have been like this"

A sign

A nice surprise awaits her in the German capital. “I found out that I used to live about 500 meters away from him, in Berlin. So I could have met him on the street at the time.

It was kind of a sign to me. It should have been like this.”

At home with Lindemann, Kovacs is amazed. “Working with him was a learning process for me. He's a very big artist

I listened as best I could to everything he had to tell me. The most important thing I learned from him is how he deals with the whole music world. I got to look backstage at his shows. They are so huge, it's completely different from my performances. He is 60, but his career is still alive and kicking. He continues to work hard for his passion and knows exactly what he wants. I am very much looking forward to that.”

And no matter how dark and dominant Lindemann's music is, his character is so sweet and good-natured.

,,When we were in Amsterdam, I had to go to the hairdresser. He came along. Alone, without bodyguards or team," Kovacs continues.

,,The two of us just walked along the canals, as you would otherwise do with friends.'' The German metal singer did not turn his hand around for an afternoon of shopping. “I needed some new clothes and suddenly I had a kind of personal assistant. I had to try and put on all kinds of crazy outfits.”

Kovacs is grateful for the collaboration, especially since Child of Sin is so close to her. ,,It's about the annoying things I've experienced in the past, for which I had to go to therapy. Then such a number gets the extra charge.

It still evokes a lot of emotions and sometimes nasty thoughts. ′′ ′′ By agreeing to it, a bit of tension fell away. “I am not alone in this way, we are in this together. Without Till, I don't know if I would have ever released the song."

The video clip – which can be seen later – in which she and Lindemann play themselves and in which the two get into a serious car accident, is the icing on the cake for Kovacs. This was recorded in Amsterdam and in the private hospital of the coroner from detective series Baantjer.

“It will be an intense clip with him, but that's how I wanted it. It was a huge set. There were about thirty people at work, a very large production. But it was all worth it. People really believe in the song, the collaboration, the message, and they're somehow touched by my song.

I'm just too proud of that."

#it's so cute #till is really a good human #can't wait the mv #child of sin #sharon kovacs #till is love 🖤#till lindemann #t.lindemann #t.lindemann 2023 #rammstein

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daniel-profeta · 4 months

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daniel profeta Interview

Hey y'all!! Back around March/April 2023 I was approached by a diy "magazine" that was more of a blog about artists in Georgia, to record an interview about my music and other projects. Sadly they decided against using it, but they just sent me a transcript so I could post it myself. It's slightly disjointed, but maybe you'll find some enjoyment out of it.

daniel: My dad got a used acoustic guitar when I was 13, and I kinda stole it to practice with all the time. So began my awe-inspiring journey of entirely mundane events. I taught myself how to play and sing with YouTube and just went forward from there. All throughout my life I've had problems expressing myself, but music, and art as a whole, have become my voice and taken over nearly every aspect of my life.

With hindsight I realized this always was the case. As a kid I was always enamored with storytelling… From reading for hours a day to attempting and failing to write a fantasy novel, from crying listening to Elliott Smith, Alex G, Mitski, Car Seat Headrest, Phoebe Bridgers, and countless other artists and bands to writing and recording hundreds of songs that never saw the light of day, my life has been a string of "failures" that's slowly becoming a vessel for expression. Meeting that one person who knows your songs and sings along with you, knowing you wrote something that meant anything to another human, makes me feel less alone. That's what it's all about.

I owe a lot to my parents for cultivating an appreciation for art, and while they never exactly "approved" of my life choices (laughs), they never really tried to stop me. Maybe they should have tried harder, who knows. When I was really young my mom tried and succeeded at getting me interested in acting in films. While I started as an extra in shows and movies like Stranger Things and The Hunger Games (it's a lot easier to be a movie extra than many people think), I eventually started getting actual roles. I've been in a few horror short films, and if you ever try to talk to me about horror I will talk your ear off… But the highlights of my acting career have been working in the incredible educational series Super Science Showcase as the geeky character Caleb, and meeting and working with the innovative director Barry Jenkins on the show The Underground Railroad (while my role was fairly small in that, that week of filming was one of the most surreal and rewarding experiences of my life, second only to playing live music and having people scream my lyrics in my face).

I was homeschooled growing up, and my family was forced to move around a lot as we struggled to find affordable housing and jobs. The cool thing about being homeschooled is you kinda set your own hours and have a little more free time, but the bad thing (for me) about homeschooling was the feeling of isolation and inability to do much besides write and try to make stuff. I wasn't allowed on the internet until I was 14-15, but then it was like a whole new world opened up for me.

One interesting thing about trying to create this life is the weird relationship most people have to it. Like, no one supports you unless you're successful, yet it's almost impossible to be successful without support. For example, I have a YouTube channel where I have uploaded nearly 2000 videos over the course of 3 years (yes, I know I have no life, don't rub it in) that's just called "daniel profeta" (stylized lowercase cause I'm cool). In the last few months I went from having 1000 subscribers to having 25,000 subscribers. My point being, "overnight" success is only real to people on the outside, people who don't see the thousands of failed attempts. People who don't hear the conversations where everyone close to you tells you to give up. Every step of the way there are opportunities to learn and grow and adapt, but you must be willing to block out the noise and get up every time you fall. That's the realest thing people who make art will learn, not everyone will like what you're doing. It takes time and effort to find YOUR people. But just know they're out there, and never give up.

I never had formal training of any kind, for acting, writing, guitar, vocals, bass, piano, recording, editing, the list goes on. Quickly I learned that I would never have the equipment, connections, or resources that many others did, but that's where you become resourceful. I am forever indebted to lo-fi music like Car Seat Headrest, The Mountain Goats, Bright Eyes, and Daniel Johnston, because without them I probably never would have had the courage to start. The ethos of DIY is one outside of gatekeeping and elitism, the ideas and community are open in mind and heart. We will "make it", and we will do so on our own terms. So, to keep this explanation brief, I have made multiple albums of music with no "real" recording equipment and recorded music videos myself with a crappy camera and some friends. I play all the instruments and do all the mixing myself. It's incredibly fun yet tedious, but the feeling of uploading or playing something is the greatest feeling in the world.

Your question was if my road was a smooth one, but I would say there really wasn't a road at all. Just foreboding uncharted wilderness with a few guiding lights of inspiration to help me on the way to creating the life I hope to have. But the way I see it, each failing, each stumble, and each limitation were just blessings in disguise. Take my music for instance, I used to feel ashamed of the low recording quality of my early work, but now I see it like a badge. It's honest, raw, and ultimately more powerful and unique. And the people I've met are some of the most driven and ambitious people in the world. We will make it, and when we do everyone who doubted will eat their words (laughs again), not that it matters. To quote Frank Lopez Jr. "Probably won't taste like the blood sweat and tears and the fear of regret and the ever elusive 3% chance I’m going to make it."

My main thing right now is music, and I play all over Atlanta and the rest of Georgia (if any venues or people with cool basements hears this and wants to book me, hello…. My name is Daniel, and I'm a pretty cool guy who's fairly easy to exploit. Feel free to reach out as I'm nearly always desperate for work) and hope to start playing more states soon. I currently don't have a band (if any cool people hear this and want to join my band, hello…), so my live shows are a mix of covers and original music done with an acoustic guitar. Folk music, punk music, indie rock, confessional songwriting, and the heaviest industrial metal/noise music you've heard since Swans. Or 100 Gecs.

But I am most proud of my recording efforts to be honest. The website Bandcamp has been a godsend. One of the only companies that fairly pays artists right now (looking at you Spotify…), Bandcamp is a place artists can upload music and charge for it and whatever. Anyways, I have 2 full albums and a 25 minute EP on Bandcamp and on my YouTube channel. I recorded many many songs and sequenced albums before this, but none of that has seen the light of day.

The first album is called Mania Machinations and it was pretty depressing to make and to listen to. But it was incredibly therapeutic to me, it felt like casting out demons. There are also a few songs I still think are really pretty, like the song Go to Bed which is about that feeling I mentioned earlier. I remember I was on a call with someone I trusted for hours and at the end they told me I should stop trying to make music because it didn't sound good. They told me I was going to end up broke and homeless and that I was pretty stupid for even attempting to do this stuff.

To me, the point has always been about expression and catharsis. And once I found a few people who my messages resonated with, then the point expanded to almost a group therapy thing. Casting out demons. So anyways, I got off that call that fateful night at 5 am and went to my room and wrote Go to Bed to try and describe all the thoughts in my stupid head. It started out bitter, but then changed and became something beautiful.

The second album is Paper Skies, and in that one I tried to adopt a character to live the life I want to live. Themes of touring, meeting people, and still not quite finding whatever it is I'm looking for. Ideas of ascending to the stars by shooting for the moon. Lots of pipe dreams and sad breakup songs. But about halfway through, the "character" starts to fall apart as imposter syndrome takes hold. In the end I go back to themes of mental health and isolation. This album is lyrically super meta and kind of pretentious, but when I wrote it, it didn't feel that way.

And my latest project is an EP called The Sighting, which I highly recommend as a starting point if you want to listen to my music. The Sighting is titled to sound like a UFO encounter. I tried to tone down some of the darker elements, and I just really like the way this one turned out. I'm a big album person, and when I write I try to sequence things right. Everything has purpose and is tied together thematically, and in this case I was thinking of the future. Of the possible end of the world or breakdown of society as we currently know it. But instead of making songs about that, I just used a post-apocalyptic setting as a backdrop for a bunch of songs that at their heart are love songs. The music videos I made I'm really proud of, especially one called Lighting in a Bottle (which was inspired by Elliott Smith's video for Coming Up Roses).

Oh, almost forgot to mention this, but if you download any of my music off Bandcamp you get access to liner notes and cool artwork. Also, exclusive to The Sighting there is a pdf that serves as a book of short stories to flesh out the post-apocalyptic world. There's a lot of recurring themes and motifs in my work, and a lot of them get explained in much further detail. Plus, they took months to write so it'd be awesome if people got to read them.

Finally, I'm currently obsessed with YouTube. On my channel I talk about music, weird media, horror, and make video essays and commentary style videos on pretty much anything I'm interested in. Every now and then I go live and play music. I think I'm funny, maybe you will too!

The music industry is so vast, I don't think I can even begin to predict how things are going to shake out, I can only speak to my little bubble. But one thing I know for certain, you'll be hearing about me and my associates more and more as the years go on. Just kidding… Or am I?

In all seriousness, I am seeing some interesting trends develop among people my age (I'm 19) {note from current me: I'm 20 now lol}. More and more bands like, I don't know, Pigeon Pit, are finding success. The Front Bottoms are getting huge. Phoebe Bridgers is a cultural icon. People like Mac Demarco are able to release music on Bandcamp and actually become millionaires. Some would have you believe music is dying, I believe there has never been a more interesting time in music. The variety, lack of extreme censorship, ability to find fans and friends without needing a record label, power to play almost anywhere, at this point all you really need is patience, drive, determination, and something to say. Everyone has something to say.

Indie rock and psychedelic rock seem to be making a comeback into the mainstream, and so does pop punk and nu-metal. Lots of genres being mashed together to create new things. 100 Gecs basically made a whole new genre super popular. An artist called Weatherday made one of the coolest albums ever only a couple years ago. Will Toledo went from recording albums in his car to playing big venues.

The world seems to be able to tell when an artist is being real, so my advice for artists that want to find lasting success would be to do whatever you want. Don't worry too much about trends, there's a place for pretty much everything and you'll have way more fun making the weird stuff you want to make instead of making something that looks or sounds exactly like whatever happens to be popular at the time. Sure, the culture shifts, but it's never boring.

That's my whole thing, at least art is never boring. I can try to approach life as an adventure instead of as a terrifying slog through hardship and pain. Whether or not I'm deluding myself doesn't really matter at that point. Perspective is like 50% of your entire outlook and attitude I've come to learn.

thanks for reading, if any blogs wanna interview me and also not be too scaredy-cat to publish it:)

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bengiyo · 9 months

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get to know me ask game

Thanks for tagging me @telomeke

RULES: bold the ones that are true & tag 10 people to do it.

APPEARANCE

blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

Growing up the way I did gave me a few complexes about my appearance. It's something I'm still working through.

HOBBIES & TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

I played Academic Games for most of my academic career and finally won a first-place trophy in Propaganda in my final year at Nationals (Hilariously, one of the games I used to hate). I was also part of a pickup team that challenged the reigning champions in 3 of our 4 games. I can make a lot of our regular meals without having to refer to recipes much. I am actually a strong swimmer. As much as I love series, I find it's easier to share a movie with a friend, and I love my friends! It's why I got a huge sectional! So many of my friends don't live near me, so I travel a lot now.

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // my parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

I realized I was ace-spectrum about a decade ago, and so I haven't really dated someone in a long time. I'm a slow starter, and haven't gelled with someone who was okay with that in a very long time. I've had many an old friend, though! I have lots of best friends of more than 10 years! My parents are still going strong at 36 years and are having the best time as retirees. I've dated a best friend; it didn't work. I give advice to friends, but it's usually because they ask. I am mostly made of online friends, and I even met some last week!

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

So, I was a Boy Scout, so I have done a lot of these just by happenstance.

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

I'm an American in the South. If you can't sleep in a moving vehice you will suffer. I'm like the dad friend, in that I get asked for help with the most specific shit. I live by the quote: "Be brave enough to be kind." Who doesn't like Mexican food??

I think the whole squad has already been tagged, but tag me back if you do this!

#tag meme

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nesiacha · 25 days

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The problem of one rule for the lower class and another for the powerful.

This is one of my many frustrated messages. When Napoleon enacted oppressive laws against women, punishing them with prison for adultery while imposing fines on husbands (a significant discrepancy), he himself engaged in multiple extramarital affairs without ever paying a fine. Not to mention that certain women in his circle, like Pauline Bonaparte or Hortense de Beauharnais, had extramarital affairs without fearing judgment, while other women ended up in prison, sometimes for months. This isn't to indulge in sexist insults against women accused of adultery, but to highlight that the rules for the powerful don't apply to others. And once again, there's the puritanical hypocrisy regarding illegitimate children who were excluded from the civil code. Illegitimate children might hope for financial support from their fathers if they were so inclined, but otherwise... Another example of Napoleon's hypocrisy is his support for his illegitimate children (albeit with minimal involvement, particularly from his son Léon), while neglecting other illegitimate children and their mothers who truly needed it. Yet, it's always said that those who promulgate laws should lead by example (as Tsar Peter I stated and generally adhered to despite any criticisms he received).

In this atmosphere of false puritanism, there was the law for forbid abortion, among other things, leading to injustices because women with money or connections could access abortions in other countries or from gynecologists, while other women, lacking means, had to risk their lives. During the Bobigny affair (which highlighted all the problems with this law), the great Gisele Halimi noted that throughout her career, she had never had to defend a woman accused who happened to be the wife of a deputy for example. The slogan during this trial was "England for the rich, prison for the poor."

One might think that nowadays everything is settled... There's so much to be said about those who want to restrict abortion rights, those who advocate for horrible laws against trans or homosexual individuals.

Let me provide a recent example, not of a law but of a habit, of the false puritanism and resulting hypocrisy. A few years ago, a singer under the pseudonym "The Vivi" appeared on The Voice. It later emerged that when he was 16, he had posted tweets that were shocking, admittedly very sexist and even racist, exchanged with his friends when he wasn't yet famous and apparently they were just bad jokes between his friends and he . It had been so long since he wrote those tweets that he had forgotten about them and apologized. I won't judge him; I believe we've all made more or less inappropriate remarks in our youth, make very bad jokes, though others argue that age is no excuse for such statements. The problem is that afterward, he was kicked off the show, and his other songs were censored from the program. Yet, at the same time, some of those who criticized him used the defense of separating the man from the artist for Polanski, arguing that his films should be shown despite his actions. However, Polanski has done far worse (if there's even a scale for horror for what Polanski did), has been subject to arrest warrants, fled justice, and can continue his cinematic works. But he's rich and powerful compared to The Vivi, who paradoxically suffered much more than Polanski.

When will this hypocrisy stop? If people like The Vivi must face the consequences of their actions, then people like Polanski should be first in line. When will there be a justice system and actions that are truly equal for everyone, whether they're the wealthiest or the most impoverished in society? I doubt it and don't see where it could even begin.When hypocritical and useless laws are swept away and are more protective of people who need it, there has been progress but not enough in my opinion?

#frustration #sexism #hypocrisy #roman polanski #opression #napoleon #abortion

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mesillusionssousecstasy · 11 months

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THE IDOL 1x02

First of all, again the performance of Lily-Rose is beyond what I could have expected. She is just amazing in this role.

The show could have been so much better without this nonsense and free sex scenes. If Mr Sam Levinson is so interested by sex (and not the good kind), he should be able to create a real series based on the porn industry at this point.

I will do this review chronologically.

I don’t see any point to show Jocelyn masturbating with a glass of ice while remembering her night with Tedros. Beside again the focus on her hands.

Regarding the shoot of the video clip: I loved the way they portrayed the singer and dancers’ exhaustion; the performance, the break down. The genuine truth behind the scene of a video clip. But it was really psychologically challenging. Again Lily was fabulous in the role. It becomes crystal clear that the record label sees Jocelyn as a product and commodity, rather than an artist with autonomy and PTSD. At the end of the day, Jocelyn’s erratic behaviour is costing them millions of dollars that they want a return on, so there can’t be any mistakes in her comeback. Even before the shoot has started, there is already a problem. Jocelyn arrives three hours late to her music video shoot due to the make-up artists having to cover up self-inflicted wounds on her inner thighs. This gives us insight into Jocelyn’s psychological and emotional state, which highlight her turning towards self-destructive coping mechanisms as a way to deal with her anxiety and unprocessed trauma. It’s terrible to notice that once the word begins to travel on set, we see a desperate struggle between Jocelyn’s declining mental state and quest for perfection, versus the record label’s disappointment with their product not performing as intended. We finally get the perfect take, when Jocelyn performs an inspired take of her dance number, but inevitably the camera loses focus mid-way through when she did this take, and you could tell that she finally reached the level of perfection she was desperate to achieve. However, none of the footage is usable, and my heart fell to my stomach the moment they delivered the news to her. It becomes even more painful to watch when Jocelyn experiences a break from reality and calls for her mother, who was always there on set with Jocelyn before she passed. I don’t even want to speak about her bleeding feet and thighs. During all this time, Nikki is the worse of the team’s member, she is just looking for her money and nothing else, certainly not for Jocelyn at all.

Why Tania, the journalist at “Vanity Fair” is still there, on the set of the video shoot? At least, we learned that Xander used to be a singer himself.

This leaves us with an important question to consider: what happens to a pop idol that can’t perform as needed? You may think this was a human and empathetic move from the record label executive, but remember, Nikki has already been working behind the scenes to create a new Jocelyn with Dyanne.

Surprise, a few days after, it’s revealed that Dyanne has been working with Tedros to lure Jocelyn into his cult, but what are her true motives? And what about Chloe, who is listening to each important conversation and is watching each important scene unfolding before her.

Tedros is definitively more than a club owner. He is a crazy bastard plotting to get revenge on something (his music career’s failure?), when we get an ominous statement from him, saying that he may finally get what’s he’s owed from Dyanne once she is signed with Jocelyn’s record label.

The song “double fantasy” created by The Weeknd was perfectly played. It suited the moment, even better when the door unfolds and the car appears.

Come on! Izaak is totally guy! His relation/seduction toward Leia is just unbelievable and beyond stupid. It’s amateurish at this point.

Nevertheless, the “orgy party” (with sex, alcohol and drugs) is definitively true, and I’m wondering if they didn’t based the scene with what was happening in the living room of the heir of “La Maison du Caviar” in Paris, avenue Foch. Because there too, there was a naked girl playing the piano and asking for cocaïne.

Again, the reference to Prince and Donna Summer (at the end of the episode).

Not much is known about Tedros’ past, as no one can seem to get an answer after a background check, but we do learn a bit about his past through Isaac, when Leia inquires about him throughout the night. He seems to find people who are looking to change their life, and takes advantage of their desperation. In the same episode, we learned more about Jocelyn and how she started to sing.

Abel’s interior is very dark, even in the pool area.

Let’s talk about this terrible and unnecessary sex scene. First, Abel as a sex dominator is beyond laughable. He is not convincing at all (example: “I want to grab you by the ass while I suffocate you with my cock. I want you to choke on it.”)! Then, he was watching like a pervert and nothing else, while Jocelyn was having sex with the air surrounding her? And I didn’t understand the correlation between Tedros and Jocelyn’s intimate moment and, then suddenly pass to Izaak and Leia’s fucking. Was it necessary? Come on! What about Chloe, watching secretly Jocelyn and Tedros’s “make out session”? She seems very important for the story, as she is an important witness of everything that’s happening around her. She looks also a bit like Jocelyn, so will she take her place too? First, her cloths, then her life? That’s in interesting character to follow, something will unfold.

Regarding the end, Leia’s white face is still haunts me and the refrain of the song which goes like this: “That’s my family/We don’t like each other much,”

Conclusion: 1. This leads to an even bigger point of interest: Dyanne represents how the music industry is constantly looking to fill the shoes of anyone who isn’t able to perform well. They don’t care about the human behind the brand. There is always going to be someone younger, more talented and willing to do the work another person isn’t willing to do, and it was made evidently clear that Nikki doesn’t see Jocelyn as anything more than a product of the industry.

2. It seems to be as though the music industry is portrayed in the series as not caring about the artistic craft, and that the public will listen to anything and everything that is promoted as popular or important by the record label.

3. We will have a new song from The Weeknd in the next episode, as you may hear in the promo for episode 3.

4. Tedros is as bas the music industry surrounding Jocelyn.

ps: I have even read an review mentioning, “Britney Spear’s Blackout album: that era of Britney’s career is marked by darker subject matter that plays into her real-life controversies and status as a sex symbol, which sounds remarkably similar to where we meet Jocelyn in the series.”

#the idol #the idol 1x02 #the idol thoughts #hbo the idol #the idol hbo #jocelyn x tedros #jocelyn #music industry #the weeknd #the idol review #the idol 1x02 review

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imfearlessfics · 10 months

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Chapter 6: The First Post

Song: Antifragile by LE SSERAFIM, No Celestial by LE SSERAFIM, Sour Grapes by LE SSERAFIM

Pairing: Yunjin x female reader

Genre: Romance, forbidden love

Warnings: Language, angst

Word count: 3.2k

The day was finally here. The first TikTok post of the new comeback schedule! We’ve been working tirelessly putting together dozens of drafts that we can post over the next few weeks. Getting to spend time with the girls was a huge bonus, but getting to do what I enjoy every single day with such an incredible support system was at the center of it all. I’ve been so proud of the work that I do, and it wouldn’t have been possible without their music pushing me through. We’ve been joined at the hip so that I could capture the “behind-the-scenes” style videos of them getting ready for the comeback. If they were awake and conscious, I was there with my camera or phone capturing as much of it as they were comfortable with.

There were obvious benefits to being around them so much over the last two months, not the least of which being my growing friendship with such amazing women. As a unit, they’re unstoppable. Hardworking, dedicated, and so freakin’ talented. But part of this comeback is stripping back the curtain, and getting to understand their individual approaches to their work. Though they all share a common dream, each of their motivations for being here and their execution of their work is unique, and it’s important to show that to the fans. I hope it humanizes them a little, and it also gives me ample time to develop a true friendship with them, which will make our lives much easier as time goes on and I continue to make content for them.

Working with Kazuha was humbling. To see her take charge of her goals despite being far from her home and her family was so motivating. She would sometimes stumble here or there, forgetting a phrase or vocabulary word, but I made it my mission to be a support in those moments. We developed a bond over our shared experiences of leaving home to pursue a career here, and I couldn’t be more grateful for it. I wanted her to feel comfortable, so I encouraged her to speak Japanese and share parts of her culture in some of the videos and insisted we’d find a translator to add subtitles later. She seems appreciative of the opportunity, and it’s only helped us grow closer. I love asking her questions about her hometown, and she does the same with me. I can’t wait to keep showing the fans what an incredible woman she is.

Sakura was no different, though she’d had more experience with working here in South Korea, so I tried to focus on that. How has her perspective of the industry changed over the years? How have you grown as an artist in South Korea? Would you ever want to have a hand in writing some of your Japanese singles? She was so eager to share her ambitions, and I fell in love with her enthusiasm. Her energy is just so magnetic, and she is a hustler at heart.

It took a little longer to develop that same rapport with Chaewon, but not for any bad reasons. She is the leader, so she has a ton of weight and responsibility on her shoulders. I knew her focus was ensuring that all the members have a fun and safe comeback, and that’s exactly what I wanted to highlight. The way she cares for each of the members was incredibly endearing, and her love for them is an everyday thing, so finding those moments where her leadership shines wasn’t difficult at all. Filling up Eunchae’s water bottle when she noticed it was running low, giving the last bite of her meal to Kazuha to ensure she wouldn’t get hungry during practice, and so many more moments that I was able to capture. Even if we didn’t develop a super close friendship over the last couple of months, we’ve grown to respect and admire one another, and that meant the world.

Working with Eunchae was … an experience. She really is a maknae in every sense of the word! A carefree spirit with so much wonder and excitement to be working in this industry - she must be protected at all costs. With her being the youngest in a group with two seasoned members, it’s easy to attribute her professionalism to having unnies with more experience. And while they absolutely play a huge part in helping to guide her, I really wanted to shine a light on her individuality. What does she like to do when she’s not being an idol? When does she have a spare moment to just be a kid? She was thrilled to have small pockets of the day to show me her hobbies outside of performing, and I can’t wait for people to get a whole new perspective on her.

And of course, working with Yunjin was…not like work at all. It was effortless, in fact. Getting content figured out for her was probably the easiest since she knew from the get-go what she wanted to showcase, which was her songwriting. She let me see what her writing process was like, how it always starts with her and a guitar and a story, and it was so beautiful to be a part of that. But between getting shots of her playing the guitar or writing lyrics in her journal, hanging out with her was like hanging out with your closest childhood friend. We’d paint each others’ nails, watch our favorite music videos - being around her was like when you’d meet someone in Kindergarten and instantly become best friends. I suppose we both missed out on those kinds of experiences growing up. She worked tirelessly to follow her dreams of becoming an idol, and I was … well I was too anxious to try and make friends growing up. Now that we get to do what we love, we have some time to do what we never got to. We’d go to the convenience store down the street to grab our favorite snacks and just talk for hours about anything and everything. Yunjin and I were almost inseparable, and I know it’s dumb of me to let my heart think for me, but it really seems like she feels it too. I don’t know what “it” is, but I know that I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone in my life. The way we can laugh about absolutely nothing. The way I wanna tell her every secret I’ve ever known. The way that I trust her when she tells me I’m doing a good job - I just can’t help but wonder if …

It was clear that we had become the closest, but I was careful to keep it professional. There is no way that anyone could chalk it up to anything more than a friendship between two people who happen to share a home country. That being said, I know I shouldn’t have, but I sometimes let myself forget that at the end of the day, my time with her was technically work.

Oh shoot - I was talking about work, wasn’t I?

Anyways, after several hours of editing, the first post looks something like this: various shots of the members getting hair and makeup done, clips from the dance practices, outfit fittings, recording sessions, and clips from my one-on-one time with them. Snippets of their upcoming single cut in and out until the screen goes black and the audio cuts out altogether - then a clear shot of them performing the killing part of the choreography as a single line from the chorus plays. I was SO excited about how it turned out, and it even went over really well at the meeting from hell that Ha-Rin made me conduct. The girls absolutely loved it, so that was all that mattered to me.

We were about two hours out from making the post, so there was a meeting to go over the final details before our lives became a (functional) garbage fire while we navigated the comeback. Ha-Rin sauntered in to begin the meeting, and before I knew it, I was just 5 minutes away from posting my first real piece of work for the entire world to see. I stared at the clock with a pit in my stomach and counted down the minutes until -

5…4…3…2…1.

The comeback has officially started, my dream is finally coming to fruition, and I … am pretty sure I’m gonna throw up. Our meeting ends with applause from the whole team, but there is a collective breath being held. LE SSERAFIM’s rapid global success is only (ridiculously) intimidating, and all of us have a part to play in keeping the momentum going.

I rush to the dorms to celebrate with the girls, and as soon as I knock, all 5 of them sweep me into the biggest hug. I wanted to make sure that they felt confident and had a say in their content as well, so I even invited them to edit alongside me so I could get their input.

“Y/n - we have to celebrate! Dinner tonight? On us?!” Eunchae exclaims.

“Well, technically it’s dinner on daepyonim, but still,” Chaewon chimes in. We all laugh and that thankfully pulls me out of my ridiculous thoughts of my … friendship with Yunjin.

“I think it would be fun if we all hung out before tomorrow. It’s gonna get crazy!” Yunjin says as she hooks her arm with mine, and I’m pulled back into my ridiculous thoughts of my friendship with her, and I remember a moment from a couple weeks back.

-Flashback-

“Jen! Can you focus for two seconds? I’m so close to getting this shot perfect!” I playfully complained. Whenever a schedule is taking a particularly long time, she gets a little stir crazy, and it’s impossible to calm her down. But fuck if it isn’t the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Right now, she’s sprawled out on the couch in the dressing room between takes, and she refuses to move. She has the biggest shit-eating grin l’ve ever seen, and everytime I try to get near her to pull her up off the couch, she reaches out to try and pull me down with her.

“Y/n it’s been like 4 hours since we started!” She pouts. I remind her that it has in fact only been a whopping 45 minutes, and we are almost done. She laughs and tries again to yank me down.

Could I have put up a bigger fight? Absolutely. But she was just sooo fast and I “somehow” ended up falling down on the couch next to her and -

“YES! I finally got you! You have to learn to relax and enjoy the little moments of peace, y/n. In just a couple of weeks, we’re barely gonna have time to breathe!” The irony of that statement is that I actually can’t breathe RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW because we are closer than we’ve ever been before on a little couch in a tucked away dressing room and I’m getting so red and I don’t know if she can tell how much I am freaking out right -

“Y/n, are you okay? You’re so tense!” She sits up abruptly and pulls me to sit up in front of her.

“Oh my gosh it’s because I mentioned the comeback, huh? Listen, I know you must be terrified. I was too right before debut, but you know what helped a ton? Breathing exercises. Let me walk you through some. Close your eyes and hold my hands.” She’s doing this on purpose. She has to be doing this on purpose. Can she seriously not see that it’s not the comeback making me this way but her?

“Breathe in your nose for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, and breathe out for 7. We’ll do it together.” She gently says, and for a few minutes that’s all we do. It works, of course, but she has no clue that I needed to calm down for entirely different reasons.

We finally open our eyes only to find the other staring right back, but we don’t pull away. We just kind of … lingered there. She’s still holding my hands when she says, “How do you feel now?”

“A lot better, Jen.” I shyly reply. “Thank you.”

A few more beats pass and it hits us just how close we are. I also can’t help but get that same eerie feeling that there was another pair of eyes on us, but it’s gone before I can give it a second thought. She gently takes her hands back leaving coldness in their wake.

“You probably already know how to do those kinds of exercises, huh? I know that you get pretty…nervous before meetings sometimes with the higher ups.” She notices so much, even when it seems miniscule to others. It’s one of the things I lov - really admire about her.

“You’ve seen that, huh?” I look down to avoid the embarrassment that comes with talking about my anxiety. Even though I feel so much more comfortable with her than I have with anyone in a long time, it’s still difficult to talk about. “I’ve had anxiety since I was little. It’s not a big deal or anything - just … always there. Always making the really small things feel really big, you know?” I don’t admit to her that the “small” thing making me so anxious is actually my raging crush on her, and the fact that this crush could ruin not only my career, but hers if it ever got out, so I let her believe it’s still about the upcoming comeback.

“I don’t think those things are small, y/n. If they’re big to you, then they’re big. And that’s okay.” She looks almost offended that I downplayed it, but it’s quickly replaced with such warmness I forget to breathe for a second. “Y/n, you know you can come to me with anything, right? Shoot me a text at any time of day and just know that even if I can’t respond right away, I will always read it as soon as possible. You’ve done so much for us - let someone else do something for you, okay?”

Why does she have to make it so damn difficult to not fall for her?

“Thank you, Jen. Seriously. Your friendship means … so much to me. You have no idea.” I say sincerely. Even if I wasn’t ready to give my whole heart to her, I truly do value these past couple of months. Getting to know her and the other members has been the highlight of my time here so far, and I know it’s just going to get better and better. That is, if I don’t ruin this whole thing by ever sharing my feelings with her and I keep my heart on a strict lockdown until the end of time.

Easy enough.

-End of Flashback-

“Dinner sounds great! Lead the way!” I say cheerfully, though deep down I know that more time with Jen means less and less of a chance that I can ignore my growing feelings for her.

We head to a restaurant a few blocks from the company to save their driver a ride, and we spend the next few hours laughing and chatting and relishing our last day before the hectic schedules start tomorrow.

“That’s not even true! Oh my gosh you’re such a liar!” Chaewon jokingly shouts at Sakura, who’s sharing a very interesting story about a small-time crush she apparently had on a staff member when she first joined the company.

“Chaewon?! Chaewon are you still there? I can’t see past the redness emanating from your cheeks right now” Sakura throws back, and we all giggle until our stomachs hurt.

“Get real, Kkura - we barely have time to focus on ourselves, let alone a crush!” Eunchae giggles, but she shoots an almost imperceptible glance my way, and my heart drops a little. No one at the table noticed it, but it was crystal clear that she wanted to send a message, however small.

“I have to pee SO bad, oh my goodness. Anyone else need to use the restroom?” Kazuha says. Yunjin, Chaewon, and Sakura follow her, and the universe manages to leave me and the only other member who seems to have an inkling of what’s happening at the table…alone.

A silence ensues for just a few moments, but it feels like the weight of an elephant rests on my chest before Eunchae finally speaks up.

“Unnie. You know I love you, right? That we all do?” She looks at me with so much sadness in her eyes that I know the next words out of her mouth won’t - can’t - be taken back, and that somehow makes everything so much more real.

Maybe if I play dumb - if I deny that anything is happening at all - then this conversation won’t bring any illusions I may have had crashing down to the ground beneath me.

“Of course I do. I … I love you guys too, of course. And - and I’m so excited for tomorrow and …” The sentence dies on my tongue, and the look on her face twists into one of pain.

“Unnie - please. If you think the last few months have been busy…the next few will feel almost impossible. We barely get any sleep, we hardly get a chance to even sit down. It’s hard to find a moment for ourselves let alone … for someone else.” I can tell that she feels horribly guilty for what she’s saying … without actually saying. But it hurts all the same.

“No of course. I - I want to help in any way that I can. I’ll be there - for each of you - whenever you need! Are you worried that I won’t?” Playing dumb can only get me so far, but the truth is a hair’s breadth away from being put out into the universe, and the second that it does, I don’t get to pretend anymore.

“Y/n unnie, I - I see the way you look at her.” Eunchae reaches over to grab my hand. “At first, I truly believed you two were getting so close because you both are from America! That’s why I pushed so hard for you two to have some alone time on that first day! I loved that she had someone that she could relate to and could share stories with but…but, a couple weeks ago. In the dressing room? I saw the way you looked at her. And she -” She cuts herself off, but what was she about to say about Jen? And how could I have been so careless as to not notice that someone had stumbled upon our … moment? “It doesn’t matter, unnie. And I am so sorry but please - please - promise me, you won’t act on this.”

I can see in her eyes how guilty she feels, so I simply nod. “Eunchae?” I whisper.

“Yes, unnie?”

“Does anyone else know?”

“No, unnie. Just me. I think the other unnies truly believe you’re just friends.” Her head is hung, and I wish I knew why her heart seems to be just as broken as mine right now.

I can’t say much else because we hear the girls coming back, so we quickly adjust ourselves and pretend the last few minutes never happened. An almost impossible feat.

The night goes on and we continue to enjoy our time together … as friends.

Because as Eunchae so delicately reminded me, that’s all any of us will ever get to be.

______________________________________________________________

HOLY HELL Y'ALL I am so sorry for the 3 month disappearance. Life has been wildly busy, but I finally found it in me to get some writing done, so here we are! I made it longer than usual, so hopefully that makes up for the fact that I GHOSTED everyone. So sorry again! Hope you enjoy!

#angels and their secrets #chaewon #eunchae #heartbreak #kazuha #kpop fluff #kpop #lesserafim angst #sakura #yunjin #kpop angst #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #kpop scenarios #kpop x reader

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