#male privilege

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[tleavemealone]

She made it unrebloggable 😂

[trans-androgyne]

The transmasculine experience is being held responsible for the sins of cis men despite only having lived as a girl/woman and then as a trans person. Yes, cis men and trans men are (generally) the same gender, but are they treated like that? Look around you and tell me they’re treated like that.

Men* have a responsibility to unpack their experiences of male privilege and use their position to uplift others. But what male privileges does a trans guy whose egg cracked yesterday have to unpack? Or does he not count as a real man yet. How about closeted trans men? Trans men consistently treated as gnc women?

Male privileges are experiences and are conditional. You aren’t suddenly imbued with magical Male Privilege the moment you figure out you’re a guy. I’m not saying transmascs don’t need to watch their misogyny, because they do as does literally everyone. But things are more complicated than man = gender oppressor when you put trans (and intersex) experiences into the equation.

[redditreceipts]

It's so ironic and sad at the same time that they put her quote right over two pictures where the camera focuses on the breasts, not her face.

Yes, New York Post, you are the fucking reason girls feel like once they develop breasts, their humanity is fucking gone. she says it and you prove it in the same fucking tweet

[queerism1969]

[nansheonearth]

darkest.hue: Trigger warning: mentions of extreme violence against women and girls

Part 1/3 (more content to come on this matter)

Note: Although it should go without saying, here are some obvious truths: hip-hop the genre is not innately violent and misogynistic and neither are Black man. Also, hip-hop is not the only genre with abusive men, and the music industry is not the only industry in entertainment with abusive men.

For years now, Black women have been calling for hip- hop to have its "Me Too" reckoning (see recommended readings). Calls have recently reignited following singer Cassie's civil lawsuit against ex-boyfriend Diddy, where she alleges years of r*pe, domestic violence, and sex tr*fficking.

Many were rightfully stunned, horrified, and heartbroken by Cassie's vulnerable account, with many demanding the entire industry be finally held accountable for its pattern of violence against women. But is any of this really that surprising when we consider the way mainstream hip-hop talks about women, particularly Black women? Is it all that surprising when we consider the toxic loyalty and blind allegiance male rappers have to each other? Or the wealth of resources these men have at their disposal to control and harm women all the while flying under the radar? Or the world's disregard for the safety and protection of their Black women/girl victims?

Let's discuss.

Recommended readings for further investigation:

Ms.Magazine: "Black Women, Hip-Hop and #MeToo: 'On the Record' Spotlights Music Industry" by Janell Hobson

Buzzfeed News: "Will Time Ever Be Up For Abusive Men In Hip-Hop?" by Sylvia Obell "Confessions of Video Vixen" by Karrine Steffans

Vox: "Megan Thee Stallion, Me Too, and hip-hop's cycle of misogynoir" by Fabiola Cineas

[crownspeaksblog]

I sometimes think about men have almost the same rights, body autonomy, freedom in every country while for women life looks so different from country to country or at least from region to region.

In some countries you're forced to cover your head, in others you're prohibited from covering your head and in other countries you can wear/not wear what you want. You can have an abortion in that country but not this one. You can get education, degrees and have paying jobs in most countries but not in others. You can go to a doctor if you need to but there you can't because women aren't allowed to become doctors and women aren't allowed to see a male doctor..

I sometimes think about how shitty the country i live in is but then i think well at least i can get an education and go to a doctor.. i shouldn't have to be grateful for those things..

[ftmtftm]

I've been scrolling through your blog, and I saw your post about discussing the racialized nature of gender. As someone who has several transmasc POC friends, and someone who's a nonbinary POC themself, I wanted to give my 2 cents.

It's important to understand that "woman" in the "man vs woman" gender binary is a colonialist, white supremacist construct, especially in Western countries where you are the numerical minority. My trans friends aren't on T, they haven't gotten top surgery, we are all quite young. But they all have numerous stories about being addressed as "sir" which brings them euphoria but as one person said, while we were making fun of the amount of white people in our club, "Due to my race and skin color, I get masculinized."

And again I'd like to emphasize, that since we're young, none of us really have medically transitioned due to financial and familial barriers. Their hair is long, our binders we definitely have notable chests, and even if they dress masculine, it's notable that no one in our communities would ever gender us properly. It's often white people calling them "sir." Again, I think this reflects how gender performances in mainstream queer communities are deeply White. Like, trans boys talk about having haircuts, but only one of my friends has that wavier, more manageable hair that will help them pass. When you've got curly/kinky hair, the standards are different. For a white person, what's the difference between a "girl" Afro and a boy "Afro"? White cis people have a harder time identifying us, and literally talk to any black girl, and they'll tell you about being mocked, dehumanized, and called "manly".

I don't have much else to say. These are just my personal experiences. But if you want to be an ally to POC in the queer community, this is why it's so fucking important to bring in colonialism/imperialism/white supremacy into discussions of queer liberation. My biggest gripe with ignorant white queers is when they ignore their white privilege, and act like "cishets" (AKA the patriarchal system regulating sexuality and gender) is the only enemy. Because cishet POC deal with plenty of shit with being infantilized, masculinized, feminized, seen as brutish & dangerous, the list goes on. Doberbutts had a post saying, "Believe me, your family's going to care more about me being black than my queerness." towards his white partners. Acknowledging and creating a framework that centers these intersections of queerness and race into your beliefs is true allyship. This is why if you're not anti-imperialist, anti-capitalist, ACAB...I do not think you care for queer liberation. None of us are free until all of us are free.

Please don't view this post as an attack. But this is my perspective, and I thought you'd be receptive to me sharing my lived experiences.

Oh I absolutely don't view this ask as an attack, and I really appreciate you bringing these things up because you're right! Like, just very plainly: You are right and your and your friends lived experiences are extremely important to the conversation on the racialized aspects of gender.

It gets me thinking about where Misogynoir and the social White Fear of Black manhood intersect for Black trans men in particular. Because Black women and Women of Color in general are masculinized by White gender standards and the ways in which Black trans masculine people are gendered in alignment with their identity is absolutely not always done with gender affirming intent. In fact, it's often actually done with racist intent or is fueled by racist bias when it's coming from White people or even from non-Black POC.

That's kind of restating things you've said but differently, it's just such a topic worth highlighting explicitly since it's extremely relevant to the conversation that's been happening about Male Privilege here the last few days.

I do think I know exactly what @doberbutts post you're talking about and yeah. It's just truth. It's something Black queer people have been talking about for ages in both theory and in pop culture (my mind immediately goes to Kevin Abstract and "American Boyfriend") where Black queer/trans identity is both materially different from (neutral) and is treated differently from (negative) White queer/trans identity in multitudes of ways and those differences are worth sharing and exploring and talking about.

Genuinely, thank you for sharing! I try really hard not to lead these kinds of conversations outside of explicitly referencing back to non-White theorists because I don't particularly feel like it's my place to do so, but I will always provide a platform for them because they're extremely important conversations to be had.

[nonbinarymlm]

The thing is, most people (in the US and Western countries at least, that’s where my experience is from) have some forms of privilege some forms of oppression. This isn’t saying everyone is equally oppressed and privileged, but most people have privilege in at least one way and oppression in at least one way.

And if you experience oppression in some ways and privilege, it’s much easier to see your oppression then you privilege.

Privilege is largely invisible to those who have it. Oppression grates against you all the time. So it’s much easier to see the forms of oppression you experience then the forms of privilege.

That’s why it’s so important for us all to listen to each other and not play Oppression Olympics. You can face very real oppression that really affects your life, and still learn a lot from other people who face other forms of oppression that you don’t. We have to listen to each other. In the queer community especially I think this is important, because there’s so many different ways to be oppressed and to be privileged.

[basedandhygienic247]

Horrifying.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Some people will get soooo offended if you say they are privileged ???what’s the deal with that

privileged=undeserving? it’s morally ambiguous?? privilege=malice??? evil intent?? no!

[charliejaneanders]

For trans female/feminine people, “male socialization” was our conversion therapy.

Julia Serano breaks it down

[soccersoccer]

Misogyny within Wikipedia

A male Wikipedia editor reversed my edit, and I can't fight back or else risk being banned. I changed the men's-only list of French football players (titled List of France international footballers) to say List of France men's international footballers. This should be uncontroversial.

The women's page is called List of France women's international footballers.

The views the men's page got in the past 20 days, while it was titled as if it was a gender-neutral list, List of France international footballers: 175 views, 161 views, 180 views, 214 views, 220 views, 186 views, 198 views, 216 views, 220 views, 177 views, 168 views, 207 views, 228 views, 218 views, 192 views, 351 views, 378 views, 318 views, 266 views, 165 views, (then here is where I changed the name to List of France men's international footballers) 74 views.

Wikipedia purposely lies to trick people into believing List of France international footballers will be all the major footballers in France, when it is men only. The pattern in page views shows crystal clearly people are NOT searching for the men's content. When the page is properly labeled to point out it's about men's sports players, it gets FEWER VIEWS.

The worst part isn't just male Wikipedia editors deliberately lying to you. This is men in every station since the beginning of media. They have always been falsely hyping up men's sports and brushing aisde women's sports.

Not to mention this same male editor erased 2 hours and 15 minutes of my work adding a minor amount of information (linking and checking all the dates took me forever lol) to the page Football in France, because adding some short info about women threatens the men's status as the primary importance of the Football in France article. That was literally his reason for deleting. Wikipedia straight up erases information if it's about the oh so unimportant female sex.

[redditreceipts]

me trying to telepathically transmit female class solidarity to this person:

[queerism1969]

[nansheonearth]

This last week has definitely solidified me on anarchism and radical feminism.

Men love the state and the state loves men. Who else will fill the states' militaries? Who else will give men the tools and freedoms for mass rapes?

I only care about women. Women are are the victims of war. Every war. Every time.