#mama spider

[mamaspidershit]

Peter: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE! Natasha: Uh... What's up with Peter? Maria: He's trying to yell mental health and well-being into all of us. Peter: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU! Clint, wiping away a tear: It's working.

[lucky-bishova-42]

*Kate walks in, Natasha talking on the phone*

Natasha: I will call you back.

*Natasha hangs up the phone*

Kate: Who was that?

Natasha: It’s just the pizza place.

Kate, shocked: You hung up on the pizza place?!?

Natasha:

Kate: I don’t hang up on YOUR friends.

[lesbian-deadpool]

Carol: What's Peter to you?

Natasha and Y/N: The reason we wake up every morning.

Wanda: That's adorable!

Peter, their son, earlier that morning, banging pots together: WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

(Bonus)

Peter, still banging pots together: I DEMAND ATTENTION!

Y/N: THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN GIVE YOU ANYTHING ELSE, RIGHT NOW!

[esmerxyaugusta]

peter: HELP ME, I HAVE A PROBLEM!!

nat: i need to hide a body problem? or i like someone problem?

peter: no.... maths problem

nat: oh, nevermind then.....

[firegal19]

Kidnapper on the phone: We have your child

Natasha: No, Peter is next to me doing his homework and Y/n is listening to music on the couch

Kidnapper: Then who just asked for me to put hot sauce on her Mac and cheese?

Natasha: OMG, you have my sister Yelena

[incorrect-wandanat]

Wanda: I found Yelena in the tree again this morning.

Nat: With the blowtorch?

Wanda: With the blowtorch.

Nat: *heavy sighs* We need to increase our discipline.

Wanda: I agree.

Nat: So…two minutes in timeout?

Wanda: two whole min- dO YOU EVEN LOVE HER?!

[marvelflame2010]

Natasha x daughter

"Mom, I'm home from school!", introduced Y/n as she entered the empty apartment. She walked into the kitchen and noticed a note on the fridge. 

 The note read, "Y/n, I was called on a mission. I'll be back late again. Don't burn the kitchen down making pasta. (JK, I know you are better than that ;) ). See you soon, love. -Mom."

Y/n smiled at the note and sat down to start her homework.

*Time skip*

Y/n was just getting ready to start dinner when her phone rang. The contact read, "UNKNOWN."

Rolling her eyes, knowing what's about to happen, Y/n answered the phone. "Y/n here, no I will not give you the homework answers. Look it up."

"Miss Y/n", a gravely voice rang, "I have kidnapped your mother."

"Who?", Y/n taunted the man.

"Your mother. Natasha Romanoff. Black Widow", the man answered, raising his eyebrow.

"Oh, that mom! Yeah, can you put her on the phone please?", Y/n asked.

The man was confused and looked at his friend for backup, to which he shrugged.

"Ok", the man said, giving the phone to Natasha, who was tied up in a chair.

She positioned the phone under her neck. "Hi, hon", she greeted her daughter.

"Hi, Mom. Quick question. If you got stabbed in between your 4th and 5th ribs, would you cough up blood?"

"...Probably. Why, were you stabbed?", asked Natasha.

"No, I was just curious because we need to write a short story for English class that is due in 2 weeks and I want to write about this woman who has continued to kill her soulmate to stay alive because if you meet your soulmate, you grow old. But she doesn't want to grow old and kills her soulmate, but he just keeps coming back to live over and over", Y/n explained.

"That is a really good idea, and I would be like to read it when you are done", Natasha answered, interested.

"Cool beans. Anyway, I'm just about to make dinner and re-watch 'Moana'. I'll let you get back to kicking butt", Y/n said.

"Alright. Love you", Natasha said.

"Love you more Mom. Stay safe! Don't get stabbed", Y/n warned, before hanging up.

The kidnapper took the phone, and processed to get head-butted by the infamous Black Widow.

*Time skip*

Natasha walked inside the apartment to darkness. She saw a note on the table along with a plate of pasta.

The note read, "Hey Mom. Made dinner and saved you a plate. Went to bed at 9 and maybe stole one of your shirts again. Tony called and said something about an update for your widow bite things. Chat tomorrow. Love you. -Y/n"

Natasha smiled walked to Y/n's room to see a sleeping Y/n, with a shirt on that Natasha stole from Clint in her early S.H.I.E.L.D. days. She walked over and kissed Y/n on the head.

"Sweet dreams, detka", Natasha whispered before she walked back to the kitchen for food.

[the-wandering-mage]

Is the spider that bit Peter Parker his parent???

Like genetically speaking since they donated genetic material to him? 🤨 Crackfic idea 💡 Mama spider tries to teach her part human son how to spider but no matter how much she tries she just doesn't seem to be able to teach him how to spider. He can't seem to build a web right, hunt or catch prey right. She adapts though. She loves her son even though he's a bit different it doesn't make him any less of an arachnid or any less loved. At the end they learn the true meaning of what it is to be a spider and the true meaning of family. The spider lived AU nobody asked for but I hope somebody writes. 🕷️

[mona6787]

Steve: what's the hardest thing for you to say?

Nat: I need help.

Tony: I was wrong.

Peter: worcestershire sauce.

Peter: what?!

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: Do you ever think to yourself, “Hey, maybe I shouldn’t do that?” Peter: yes but then it’s quickly followed by Clint’s voice saying “yolo”. Natasha: You put too much trust into that man.

[lucky-bishova-42]

*Natasha walking into the bathroom*

Natasha: Can I get in here I need to—OH MY GOD!?

*Kate is dressed in a Black Widow suit with her hair dyed red, Yelena is wiping her red stained hands on a towel*

Kate, pointing at Natasha, excitedly: It’s like looking in a mirror!!

Natasha: No it isn’t Kate.

Kate: Who’s Kate?

Yelena, chuckling: I already can’t tell who’s who!

Natasha: Take that stuff off.

Kate: Wands! Get in here and settle this!

Natasha: Don’t call your mother ‘Wands.’

Wanda: What? Oh haha hey! Travel size Nat! Aw!

Natasha: Wanda, you’re encouraging this!

*Clint comes in*

Clint: I need the bathroom—woah this is confusing.

Natasha: NO IT’S NOT!

[lesbian-deadpool]

Peter, holding a candle: Test smell.

Natasha: Smell test.

Y/N: Now for the taste test.

Natasha: What?

Y/N, after taking a bite out of the candle: Yup! Sure tastes.

Natasha: 

Natasha, to herself: This is my child, and who I chose to marry… what the fuck is wrong with me?

[jonasdirection101]

Peter: "The average person walks past a murderer about 36 times in their lifetime."

Tony: "Why is this called a 'fun' fact."

Natasha: "It's fun because they didn't decide to murder you."

[firegal19]

Peter running into the room: Guys! Miss Potts is Iron Man!

Everyone in the room: *confused as fuck*

Tony nodding his head: Yeah, kid. Go on

Peter: Ok. So FE is Iron on the periodic table of elements and she is a female.

Tony: Yes, and male equals man meaning

Peter and Tony at the same time: Pepper is Iron Man!

Steve looking up from his book: So is Morgan

Bucky: And every woman on earth

Tony staring at Thor: Hey FRIDAY. Put Miss Potts as Iron Man two in my contacts

FRIDAY: Will do Mister Stark

Tony: And summon Mark 45 to shock Bucky half to death

FRIDAY: Summoning it now

Peter: Mister Stark no!

Tony: *sighs* Cancel Mark 45

FRIDAY: Canceling Mark 45

Peter: Thank you

Steve: Wait. This means Natasha is Iron Man as well

Natasha: Ha!

[incorrect-wandanat]

Peter: I dunno why—I dunno—Everybody don’t— Everybody’s always saying something about caffeine. I don’t get it.

Nat:

Peter: I don’t know what you’re talking a-

Nat: I’m over here.

Peter: *turns* I don’t know what you’re talking about. I feel great.

Nat:

Peter: WOOO!

[marvelflame2010]

*Peter Parker meeting Natasha Romanoff*

Peter whispering: Your mom's awesome

Y/n smug: Of course, where do you I got it from?