#mammon my beloved youre a fuckin idiot

[corvid-cerebrum]

This game has slowly been taking over my life and it has finally escaped into art but all I can make is dumb memes

[absolutepokemontrash]

Kid!MC/Teen!MC Needs someone to go to Parent Teacher Interviews for Them and Guess Who’s Available?

Masterlist

The brothers being bad babysitters/dad figures is something I love very much, I bet you all could already tell that considering the Fic/Headcanon series I have going on. I would just like you all to know that Asmo’s section is based on a true story. Anyhoo~ onto the Headcanons!

Why? Why Him? (Lucifer)

Is MC really dumb, or are they just a kid? No one knows.

Obviously MC asked Lucifer, the only competent one in the house, the most professional, hard-working, controlled-

MC got their things together and gave Lucifer the run down on their teacher(s) before Lucifer got too absorbed in extolling his own virtues in an intense internal monologue.

News flash Lucifer, this isn’t a Shakespeare play, you can’t have a dramatic monologue or soliloquy about how great you think you are

At the actual meeting, if MC is in there, no, MC is not actually in there. Lucifer will speak to the teacher as if MC isn’t there. As someone whose not a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down kind of person, Lucifer expects the teacher to behave the same and not spare MC’s feelings.

Feelings do not deserve to be spared if MC is being a nuisance. No fake-kid/little sibling of his gets to be the class idiot!

If MC’s doing very well academically, he expects to be pointed at projects or tests they’ve done and the grade on it. It really makes him proud to see MC doing well.

Even if they’re not the best academically, if they’re not failing and they’re doing well in other aspects of school, he’s proud.

If MC really struggles in a school environment and just hates it there but they’re still keeping their head above water, they get a head pat of approval.

On the drive home, if MC came with him to the parent teacher interviews and everything went well, he just happens to turn onto the street that has a Baskin Robin’s or something of that caliber.

If they didn’t go, he picks something up on the way back.

No fun treats if MC is being a disruptive little heathen in class, no kid under Lucifer’s care is going to be the class Mammon. Not on his watch.

MC was busily stuffed their face with the treats that were gifted to them. Lucifer had to hold himself back from rolling his eyes at the kid’s blatant disregard for basic table manners when it came to sweets.

“Is everything the teacher said true?” Lucifer asked, MC looked up at him with a smile.

“Yep!”

“Good, good.” Lucifer held out his hand and patted them on the head. “You’re doing well. Keep it up.”

“Geez,” MC mumbled as they continued to stuff their face. “Can you get anymore affectionate?”

“Don’t be sarcastic, MC. It’s uncouth.” Lucifer said sternly. “Besides, I’ll have you know that many people enjoy my headpats. I’m quite affectionate.”

“Really now? Name one person.”

Lucifer opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. He and MC stared each other down, one pair of eyes much more nervous than the other. Spoiler, MC was still calmly eating their treat as they maintained eye contact.

“…Cerberus.”

“If you’re reaching for Cerberus, you’ve already lost.”

…his pride was under attack. Right in front of his desert…

“You’re grounded.”

“Worth it.”

*Rides by on a Skateboard* School is for NERDS (Mammon)

Pff! Stupid human! He’s not goin’ to some lame parent teacher conference-

Wait! What’s with that face?! Ugh… fine. MC’s gone and forced his hand with those damn puppy dog eyes…

Mammon does not dress up for this event, he dresses like he would every day, maybe throw on some designer stuff to let all the parents and teachers know he’s hot shit.

If MC goes with him, he pulls up in his beloved car and takes up two parking spaces (pure evil.). Every parent present already hates him, but at least the other kids there are impressed with MC’s sweet ride. MC would have gained some street cred if Mammon hadn’t managed to trip up the stairs to the classroom in front of everyone.

He’ll act way to casual with the teacher, turning the parent chair backwards and sitting down so he can lean on the seat.

Mammon gets bored crazy quickly while the teacher lists and explains all the stuff the class is learning, so his eyes begin to wander to any and all displays in the classroom. Projects, annoying posters, class pet, anything is more interesting than this teacher’s explanation.

When MC finally becomes the main topic of the interview, he’s all ears. MC’s doing great in school academically? Ha! Nerd! Maybe giving MC a playful noogie and interrupting the whole interview wasn’t a good idea, but whatever.

If MC’s failing anything, or just isn’t that gifted when it comes to grades, it’s very much a “Aw man me too” from Mammon.

This teacher is speaking with the Great Mammon, the first demon in RAD’s history to fail three semesters in a row. If this teacher thinks bad grades will phase him, they’re dead wrong.

Grades don’t mean anythin’ about smarts anyway! I mean, look at him! He’s a fuckin’ genius but he can’t get through a history test without sobbing even though he LIVED THROUGH MOST OF IT.

MC gets treats no matter what’s up in class. Though, if MC didn’t go with him, he’s likely to forget and just order something for the two of them when he gets back home.

“Goddamn teachers and their rambling!” Mammon whined, grabbing a slice of pizza from the open box on his coffee table. “You owe me, MC! Ya really do!”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” MC said, they leaned over and rolled a pizza slice into a pizza-scroll then proceeded to eat it like a veggie roll. “How do you think I feel, listening to them every day? You know how long it takes to get to the actual class material?”

“Five years?”

“Ugh! Five years if I’m lucky! I swear, I know more about my teacher’s grievances with like… five of my classmates than I do about trigonometry, and guess which one’s on the test next week?”

Mammon winced in sympathy, then remembered he was supposed to be whining and went back to it. “School’s shit and a waste of money, ya should drop out as soon as you can and help me run my new business.”

“You mean your pyramid scheme?”

“It’s not a pyramid scheme, MC! It’s legit! It’s a multi-tiered marketing-”

“It’s a pyramid scheme.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOCIAL INTERACTION (Leviathan)

Everyone else must have been sick or something for MC to have asked Levi. He’d flat out refuse to go otherwise.

So, Levi couldn’t exactly go to the interview in his usual “I haven’t left my room or changed clothes in eight weeks” look. With the help of MC, he was able to find his military uniform at the back of his closet.

Asmo nearly fainted when he saw Levi in the uniform, not because “oooo, a man in uniform~”, it was because the outfit was so crumpled and wrinkled that it made it physically painful to look at. No time to iron and wash, the conference was in an hour!

Levi (and MC if they went with) rolled up to the school in a less than impressive ride, but one look at the uniform and all the other people present went “yep, time to be respectful (tm)”

For the first time in his life Levi was more intimidating than Lucifer! And he wasn’t even trying!

When the teacher starts explaining the course material, Levi spaces off in horror as he realizes he remembers literally nothing from school (AND HE’S STILL IN SCHOOL!) all that’s running through his head is “A squared + B squared = C squared” and “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”.

The actual interview was the least interesting part of the trip, the real stuff happened when Levi passed by some art on display in the hallway and something caught his eye-

Those colours… that hair… that adorable smile..!

IT WAS HER! LEVI’S PRECIOUS RURI-CHAN IN ALL HER GLORY!

Levi immediately started fawning over the art class fanart and by sheer coincidence, one of the kids walking through the hallway happened to notice.

The kid asked MC if their… parent and or guardian liked anime. MC responded with “obviously.” Levi then asked the kid if they drew his adorable Ruri-chan. The kid said no, and that they drew the My Hero Academia fanart a few rows down.

Levi was absolutely floored that there were two anime fans in one class, then his entire world shattered when MC explained there was more anime art inside the art room and other classrooms.

H-hang on… did that mean that… a lot of people here… liked anime..?

Levi needed a while to process. No snacks on the way home…

Levi and MC were sat in the back of their Uber, Levi, the Avatar of Envy himself, was having his entire sense of reality warped. S-so much anime fanart… in a school of all places..! What did this mean for the future of anime?!

“Levi. Stop.” MC sighed. “If this were an anime, the camera angle would be doing that thing where it’s right on the bridge of your nose and dramatic music plays in the background.”

“S-so many kids in your class like a-anime huh..?” Levi stuttered, weakly trying to smile. “Must be nice..?”

“Oh, that’s just my class. The other classes and grades have their fans too.”

“Oh… really?”

“Levi,” MC stopped looking out the window and looked at the otaku that was having a full scale silent mental breakdown. “Anime isn’t even a niche interest anymore. It’s a pretty casual thing to watch now. At least a third of my class watches- Levi?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH! ANIME! A THIRD OF THE CLASS?! ANIME… HIS PRECIOUS ANIME… WAS BECOMING A NORMIE INTEREST! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

“Levi?” MC waved their hand in front of their spaced out demon’s face. “Leviiiii? Okay he’s dead.”

The Know it All (Satan)

Ah, a smart choice, MC. Satan would be glad to help further their education. He’ll do everything in his power to make sure that the human’s brain is fed all that sweet sweet knowledge.

Satan can’t dress himself normally, MC had to coax him into a suit jacket, but he still only wore one sleeve.

MC was coming along to the interviews whether they wanted to or not, it’s important to hear what they need to improve on from the teacher themselves after all.

The two arrived pretty early, so Satan asked MC for a tour of the school. It was pretty tame until they reached the library. Satan was horrified at the state of some of the books…

Their spines lined with duct tape… pages missing and torn… someone apparently used a taco as a book mark…

The first thing Satan does when it’s time for his interview is demand the teacher take better care of the library, even though they’re not the librarian. MC tries to explain this, but Satan is too distraught to listen to reason.

He enjoyed hearing about the course material, but he made it known if MC thinks the assignments are too easy that they need to be given more challenging work. THEIR BRAIN NEEDS TO BE STIMULATED DAMN IT.

It was up to MC to either agree with Satan and nod to the teacher, or make frantic eye contact with them to try and communicate “NO DON’T PLEASE”.

Similar to (ugh) Lucifer, as long as MC is doing their best, he’s happy for them.

…but if they are in any way in the running for valedictorian he is HELPING THEM WIN.

He decided to stop at a cafe or bookstore to let MC pick out a “congrats on surviving your pitiful school” present after the interviews.

MC gleefully perused the shelves of the bookstore, there were so many books too look at…

“I’ll buy you as many books as you’d like, MC, just,” Satan shuddered slightly. “Promise me you won’t treat them like those poor library books…”

MC put their hand over their heart. “I swear on the duct taped book spines that I will never treat a book like that.”

“Good… good…” Satan breathed a sigh of relief and went back to looking at his book about cats.

“Are you… reading a Warrior Cats book..?” MC asked tentatively.

“Yes, why?”

“Satan, put that back.”

“I Will Seduce the Teacher For the Sake of Your Grades, Don’t Worry.” (Asmodeus)

Oh MC dear! He’d be delighted to go! Just let him get ready~

Asmo may not be the best choice, but he was at least going to be the best dressed person at that conference. (And MC just had to come too so all the other parents could be jealous of how well coordinated their outfits are)

He teased MC a little by saying he was going to flirt with their teacher to make sure they passed the class, but he was just kidding! …but he made sure to ask if their teacher was cute, he needed to know!

While waiting for his turn, Asmo flirts with some of the single parents, if he doesn’t see a wedding ring, they’re fair game.

Once his time slot arrived, MC realized that Asmo is one of those “my child has done and will do nothing wrong ever” types. This may have ended up working in MC’s favour if they were a class nuisance.

If MC is doing very well in sports, clubs, grades, anything, Asmo is fawning over them and gushing to the teacher about how great, smart and adorable they are.

Asmo surprisingly does not exactly flirt with the teacher, he was just teasing MC after all. But um… if MC’s teacher just happens to be cute and young, he may turn up the charm, just a little. Enough to make the teacher giggle and make MC cover their face in embarrassment.

After the interviews Asmo will probably schedule a nice day out for the two of them, shopping, a movie, mani pedis, something fun!

The real weird stuff happens in the months after the interviews… if Asmo did lightly flirt with the teacher, MC gets quite a few questions about their guardian. Questions that ask if Asmo is single in not as many words…

Oh lord, MC’s teacher developed a crush on Asmo.

Nail painting night was supposed to be a fun occasion, but MC was hopping mad and embarrassed. Asmo didn’t seem to notice as he continued to paint the little human’s nails.

“And then I told Phenex to get lost. The nerve of that little monster, right MC?” When MC didn’t reply, Asmo looked up and tilted his head. “MC?”

MC’s angry face would have been much more threatening if they weren’t just so adorable, but it was getting the message across.

“MC..?”

“Asmo.” MC’s glare deepened. “My teacher wants to know if you’re single.”

Asmo blinked a few times, before he hit his tongue to keep from laughing. “Really now~. I knew they’d be madly in love with me-”

“WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIIIIIIIIIIIS?!”

Oh My Demon King is That a BAKE SALE?! (Beel)

Of course Beel said yes! He’d gladly go to MC’s parent teacher interview!

He even put on a nice outfit :D he ended up looking a bit like a secret serviceman guarding MC, the tiny president.

Beel stopped for McDonald’s on the way there, all the other kids were so jealous of MC when they stepped out of the car eating fries.

But a little something something caught Beel’s eye when he and MC walked into the school… was that a… bake sale?

MC quickly explained that the bake sale was fundraiser for their class trip that year and the snacks weren’t complimentary. He had to pay.

And pay Beel did. He cleared out the entire table. MC’s grade’s overnight trip was going to be decadent as hell. That was no longer a crowd funded thing, that trip was privately funded by a tall buff ginger secret service member and this tiny in comparison child.

Kids are incredibly blunt, just like Beel, so when a random kindergarten kid wandered over, looked up at Beel, and very knowingly said “you’re very tall”. Beel was like “yeah”. The kid then said “what’s it like being that tall?”

Beel’s response to this kid’s question was to pick them up and hold them for a few seconds before placing them back down. For just a few moments this kid knew what it like to be over 6’4. Of course, more kids swarmed in and asked to be picked up.

Sure it was cute, but Beel now has an army of kids ranging from kindergarteners to third graders.

Finally, the conference actually began. Beel snacked the entire time and dutifully listened to everything the teacher had to say.

After the interviews are over, he checks with MC to make sure everything the teacher said was true and that they weren’t lying. If all was well, the two made their exit.

They stopped at Wendy’s on the way home.

“I’m so full…” MC groaned, Beel held up a massive cookie.

“So I can eat this?”

“No. Gimme that.” MC took a very defeated bite out of it. “My stomach says no but my mouth says yes…”

“I don’t want you to get a stomachache, MC,” Beel said worriedly. “No more snacks.”

“It’s a little late for that. It’s past nine and I’m still eating, there’s no way I’m getting to sleep at a reasonable hour.”

“Oh…” Beel mumbled. “I may have not completely thought this through.”

“*Snore* Huh? Wha? MC’s Grades? Uh… Fuck…” (Belphie)

MC must be failing a class or something because why on earth would they pick Belphie otherwise.

They ask him to go while he’s delirious from just waking up from a nap, he sort of half nods and mumbles some gibberish before going back to sleep.

MC had to basically carry his ass to the school. Belphie drooled all over them in the waiting room, and when it was their time to go into the interview, Belphie had to be manually put into the chair and slapped awake.

He barely listens, he just sits and nods along with whatever the teacher is saying. The teacher could say MC brought an alligator to school and he’d just go “uh huh…” “mmmph… yep…” “really now?” then yawn.

The only thing that could possibly get Belphie to be interested is if MC is studying space. If they are, than boy howdy is Belphie suddenly interested in their education.

Other than that? *snore*

If MC is in fact failing or doing poorly, MC’s teacher asks to see another one of MC’s guardians at a later date. Their plan failed miserably.

MC drags Belphie out of the school and yells at him for not helping them. Belphie, still sleep delirious, tries to press the snooze button. MC does not have a snooze button.

“Belphie!” MC shouted, shaking the Avatar of Sloth awake. The House of Lamentation’s resident bastard was somehow sleeping standing up outside. “HOW COULD YOU?!”

“Eh?” Belphie half-snorted and looked around confused. “What’d I do? Where are we?”

“At my school! You said that you’d go to my parent teacher interviews!”

“…MC I don’t think I’d pass well for you.”

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GO AS MY GUARDIAN!”

“Sheesh,” Belphie murmured while he rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes. “You humans are so noisy.”

MC looked up at their dearest demon friend, and gave him their best glare. “I’m going to take all your fancy temperature changing pillows and switch them with normal pillows you traitorous bastard.”

[voltagesmutter]

Obey Me x Heat

Obey Me - Mammon and Asmodeus Head-canons

Prompt: ‘I’m in heat’

Warning: NSFW, Female MC.

Mammon:

Mammon's heat causes him to be an even bigger idiot than normal, believing he can try gamble or spend all his money away to satisfy the need. But nothing solves, no amount of times he swipes ‘goldie’ that aching between his groin just doesn’t go away.

He becomes a lot more possessive over you, if that’s possible, especially once he finds out it’s you who gives him that sweet release of satisfying his heat.

“More baby, take more,”.... “fuck yeah, that’s perfect,” head thrown back, one palm pushing the back of your head down until you gagged of his lengthy cock, “My perfect human you,”. Leaning back against the wall, thrusting into your mouth as he continued to push you down, breath hitching and snarling everytime you gagged over him. Both hands holding the side of his thighs for leverage, preparing yourself for the release was meer moments away as he throbbed into your mouth. A string of “fucks”, “that's it baby” and “I’m gonna come all over your pretty little face,” is followed by him pulling himself out your mouth with a wet pop. One, two, jerks of his hand and he’s shooting his release across your lips, open mouthed tongue and chin, purposefully using the tip to spread it across you. “Such a pretty picture baby, almost a shame to see you lick it off,” A smirk on his face, a flash of his phone, “Don’t worry baby, this will keep me busy until you're finished with your next class, best hurry along now, I’ll be waiting in my room,” smearing his release off your face with his thumb and watching you quickly lap it up.

When the great mammon needs you, he needs you and nothing under the sun will stop him. 

“Tch hush now human, or I’ll make you be quiet,” He grunted from behind. Bent over the sofa of the new set Mammon was supposed to be modeling on in under 15 minutes was the pair of you, Mammon raising your hips so you stood on your tiptoes whilst his thrusts gained force. You bit on into your hand to muffle the moans but it was no good, he knew exactly where to hit inside you to make you cry out. “Fuckin’” he huffed, leaning over to shove your face into a pillow with one hand against the back of your neck, pave never slowing. “This is all your fault little human,” pulling your hips back as he felt you tighten over him, “Knowing I’m in heat and you just have to come to the stupid shoot in this,” in reference to the the short flowy dress you was wearing now pushes up over your hips, “You drive me wild,”. “Fuck, yeah that’s it baby girl,” He groaned finally feeling you pulse over him, a few more thrusts send him hurtling after you. “Maybe The Great Mammon has met his match after all,” He winks to you after pulling you back up straight and cupping your face in his palm.

Obsessed with your underwear. When in heat Mammon refuses to go to R.A.D and instead sits pouting at home waiting for you to return, often jacking off into the hoard of your underwear he’s collected.

 “You were gone forever,” He huffed pulling you into his arms, showering your face and neck with kisses causing a giggle to fall from you. “Oh Mammon, you're so adorable,” You squeal, picking his cheeks and watching his face fluster. “Adorable?! The Great Mammon is far from adorable!” Picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder, kicking open his bedroom door before throwing you onto his bed. “Show me then, oh Great Mammon,” You whisper, sitting up on his bed and spreading your legs, your skirt rising high up your thighs to show the lace of your underwear beneath. In the next breath he was down between your thighs, pushing them apart as his nose inhaled above the lace, “You wore my favourite,”. “I did...sir” You sigh, feeling his tongue run against your slit still blocked by your underwear. “My good girl,” Fingers sinking over the edge but stopped by your wrist atop of his. “Do you think… you could fuck me in them this time,” You bashfully ask. When silence follows you quickly add, “Shit, no I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked, I just since you liked them so much, maybe finishing in them might be a bit more dirty when you use them,”. A growl unrecognisable as anything human, a pure lustful growl from within a demon rings through your ears. Hairs stand on edge to watch Mammon appear in demon form before you, chest rising and lowering quickly, hunger in his eyes. “I’m going to fuck you in these panties until your begging for me to take them off so you can feel my skin against you,” He groans, sharp nips pressed to your inner thighs as he devoured your core atop of the thin material. Your panties ruined from the multiple releases of you, extra ruined by Mammon’s plentiful release the following day whilst you were in class.

Asmodeus:

In terms of his brothers, Asmo is one who is least visually and verbally affected by heat. Whilst the others might screw you into submission, Asmo is more gentle although if you ask he’ll really lose control. 

“You smell…so… delicious,” Two of Asmo’s slender fingers, painted vibrant green and pink, curl a piece of your hair around them as his face peers closer, “I could just eat you up cutie,”. Fingers drop your hair to trace across your jawline, down the curve of your neck and into the crook of your shoulder. His lips find the other side of your neck, sucking softly as his hand continues into your shirt, pushing beneath your bra to tease your hardening nipples. “You won’t deny your beloved Asmo his favourite treat now would you?” Light red eyes brimmed with nothing but love search for the answer to his question in yours. A soft mewl escapades from your parted lips as he pinches a nipple before refusing his marks upon your neck. 

Most likely to be involved with toys, he doesn’t want to use them to scare you or frighten you, but to bring a next level of intimacy and trust to your relationship.

“Y-you want that to go where?!” Face red, questioning the large hunk on plastic in his hand. A cock-ring fitted with a dildo at the base with a pair of vibrating rabbit ears to the top of it. You was no stranger to anal with Asmo but never had you had to tried double penetration. Heat made his sexual fantasies far more vivid, lust seeping from him every pore. “If you don’t want to sweetie it’s fine, it will just be a different experience but a good one, I promise,”. It took some adjusting, Asmo patiently as ever as he pushed himself and the toy into you, letting you adjust until he could move without fear of hurting you. The vibrating rabbit ears when turned on made you clenched tightly, it took a sheer matter of 30 seconds before you were crying his name and coming over his cock, squeezing him to the point he almost came as well. “This is much better than my fantasy’s, so much better,” He cooed reassuringly before beginning to trust in your two tight holes once more.

The biggest tease of the brothers, edging himself and you until he’s able to fill you to the brim with his release, not letting a single drop be wasted.

“Asmo… Asmo please!” You whimper, heels digging into the mattress followed by a heavy cry. The two finger pumping inside you causing the build of pleasure quickly removed and tapped your wet essence on your thigh. “Not yet sweetie, soon I promise,” A devilish grin on his face as he traced shapes on your inner thigh with his wet fingers. The fourth time he did proved to be your breaking port, clenching over nothing as he once again removed his fingers. The noise that left you was a half groan, half whimper of frustration and definitely not human. “My my little dove, and you have the audacity to call me a beast when your making noises like that,”... “Tell me,” He looms over you, his face inches away from yours, “Which one of us is the real demon hmm?”. He captures your lips before you can respond, his freed erection that had been pressed against your thigh now thrusted fully to the hilt inside you. You came instantly, walls fluttering over his length as he swallowed your moans, smiling to feel you so undone for him.

Lucifer and Beel - Heat

Satan and Leviathan - Heat

Belphegor -Heat

Diavolo - Heat

Obey Me - Masterlist